All Of It with Alison Stewart
Episode: The Rise of the Grey Divorce
Date: September 30, 2025
Guests: Dr. Dana Weiser (Texas Tech University), Dr. Rosie Shroud (University of British Columbia)
Episode Overview
In this episode, host Alison Stewart dives into the growing phenomenon of “grey divorce”—the rising rate of divorce among Americans over 50, which bucks the overall trend of declining divorce rates nationwide. With research-driven insights from Professors Dana Weiser and Rosie Shroud, alongside candid listener calls, the show explores the social, emotional, and economic factors behind late-life divorces and their ripple effects on families, relationships, aging, and personal identity.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. National Divorce Trends
- Divorce rates have generally fallen in the U.S. since the 1970s and 80s, but the rate among those over 50—and especially over 65—has sharply increased, tripling in recent decades.
- Key reasons for falling overall rates include:
- People marrying later—mid-late 20s rather than early 20s.
- Greater economic independence prior to marriage leads to more stability.
- More cohabitation and fewer remarriages after divorce.
“So divorce rates have been pretty steady for a while. About one in two marriages do end in divorce, so it's still about 50%. But we've seen this steady decrease over time... fewer people are getting married than ever before.”
— Rosie Shroud (02:44)
2. Why Grey Divorce Is Rising
- Longevity: People are living longer and are less willing to remain in unhappy marriages for decades.
- Social and Legal Shifts: Divorce is more socially acceptable and legally accessible than for past generations.
- Women’s Independence: Higher levels of education and financial independence enable women to leave unsatisfying relationships.
"Divorce is also just more socially acceptable...we have multiple generations who have grown up in a climate where divorce is much less stigmatized."
— Dana Weiser (05:24)
- Caller Jean: Shared that, despite her husband’s resistance, she felt empowered to pursue divorce after failed counseling thanks to her financial and personal independence.
“For me personally, I have a better outlook on life as I'm getting older. And I just don't feel that the person I'm gonna possibly end my life with is the person I'm with right now.”
— Jean, Caller (07:07)
3. Who Initiates Grey Divorce—and Why?
- Women are much more likely to initiate divorce.
- After experiencing years of caregiving and self-suppression, many women realize later in life the need to prioritize their own happiness and fulfillment.
- Though economic hardship is still greater for divorced women, this is less of a deterrent than it once was.
"Of course there's grief, there's loneliness, there's guilt, but they are experiencing this freedom, this happiness, this liberation that they hadn't felt in years, and they're actually happier after the divorce."
— Rosie Shroud (09:31)
4. Financial and Social Factors
- Economic Toll: Women often face more acute financial hardship post-divorce, despite increased independence.
- Health and Social Support: For some, divorcing can provide financial advantages (e.g., separating to access health care benefits or grants).
- Repartnering: Some remarry, some cohabitate, and some build new social networks.
“A lot of adults over 60 get legally separated or divorced to alleviate health care costs, especially when one partner is going through a debilitating illness like cancer.”
— Listener text (11:17)
- Caller Laszlo: Described positive post-divorce outcomes—he quit smoking, found a supportive new partner, and experienced improved well-being.
"My life has tremendously improved by having a very supportive partner, which I don't feel like I had before, even though I didn't initiate the divorce."
— Laszlo, Caller (12:11)
5. Impact on Family and Adult Children
- Gray divorce can profoundly affect adult children, shaking their foundational beliefs about marriage and relationships, or sometimes offering relief from witnessing parental conflict.
- Intergenerational effects: Adult children re-evaluate their own relationship paradigms.
“You’re learning a lot of different types of messages... and that doesn’t stop because you’re an adult. We can see for adult children whose parents get divorced, it can actually be kind of a big shakeup...”
— Dana Weiser (16:20)
- Social vs. Economic Penalties:
- Men often experience social isolation and loss of support networks post-divorce.
- Women are more likely to face economic hardship but may gain social and emotional freedom.
“Men might be feeling a little bit adrift from their families after divorce...women also are more likely to nurture those friendships, and men are more likely to benefit from women's friendships.”
— Rosie Shroud (18:04)
6. Unique Challenges: Aging, Health, and Caregiving
- As couples age, challenges like dementia and caregiving responsibilities can alter the marital relationship, leading to difficult decisions around divorce or separation.
- Social support and policy measures are crucial for families navigating both late-life divorce and age-related health crises.
“Supporting a partner who’s dealing with a chronic illness, especially one like dementia... is particularly difficult. So partners ... really do need to make the extra effort to seek out other sources of support.”
— Dana Weiser (25:13)
7. Cultural and Psychological Themes for Women
- Many women experience a transformative period around 50, leading to self-discovery, autonomy, and questioning relationship satisfaction.
- Caregiver fatigue and unequal division of emotional and household labor contribute to women’s decisions to leave long-term marriages.
“There is a point, and it generally happens around 50, where women wake up and they realize that they know who they are in all their roles... and then they have no idea what they want... this major transformation seems almost developmentally programmed...”
— Nancy, Caller (20:33)
“...oftentimes the reason why women are the ones initiating breakups and divorce is because they literally have more to complain about in relationships.”
— Dana Weiser (21:44)
8. Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments
- “You’re not alone... also how liberating it can be. And we are living so much longer and so taking the time to really enjoy adulthood... it’s a time of autonomy and growth and opportunity like it’s never been before for older adults.”
— Rosie Shroud (29:51) - “Children fare better when their parents are happy. And growing up in a high conflict, unhappy home is hard... Sometimes divorce can be the best resolution for both adults as well as children.”
— Dana Weiser (28:36)
Notable Listener Contributions
- Jean (07:07): Empowered to leave unhappy marriage for self-fulfillment.
- Laszlo (12:11): Improved health and remarriage post-divorce.
- Nancy (20:33): Describes the emotional reawakening women experience in midlife.
- Richard (22:51): Raises the role of dementia changing marital dynamics.
- Barbara (26:57): Left marriage after 27 years; her adult son expressed relief and wished it had happened sooner.
Key Timestamps for Important Segments
- 02:44 - Rosie Shroud on why overall divorce rates are falling
- 05:24 - Dana Weiser on why grey divorce is increasing
- 07:07 - Jean, a caller, shares her decision to pursue divorce
- 09:31 - Rosie Shroud on why women initiate divorce
- 16:20 - Dana Weiser on the impact of late-life divorce on adult children
- 18:04 - Rosie Shroud explains social/economic penalties of divorce by gender
- 20:33 - Nancy, caller, on women's midlife transformation
- 25:13 - Dana Weiser on caregiving and dementia
- 28:36 - Dana Weiser on children's wellbeing and divorce
- 29:51 - Rosie Shroud on growth, autonomy, and late-life opportunity
Final Insights & Takeaways
- Grey divorce is a product of societal change—longer lives, more autonomy, and shifting cultural norms.
- Initiating divorce—especially after decades—can be incredibly difficult but is often tied to personal growth, self-actualization, and the pursuit of happiness.
- The impacts are wide-reaching: from financial repercussions to redefined identities, altered family structures, and evolved notions of support and aging.
- The importance of community, social support, and honest conversations remains paramount for those navigating late-life transitions.
End of Summary