All Of It: The Struggles of Motherhood in the Digital Age
Podcast Information:
- Title: All Of It
- Host: Alison Stewart
- Episode: The Struggles of Motherhood in the Digital Age
- Release Date: May 27, 2025
- Description: A deep dive into how technology and the digital landscape shape modern motherhood, featuring Amanda Hess, critic at large for the New York Times.
Introduction
In this episode of All Of It, host Alison Stewart engages in a heartfelt conversation with Amanda Hess about the challenges of motherhood in today's digital era. Hess shares her personal journey detailed in her book, Second Life: Having a Child in the Digital Age, exploring how technology intersects with pregnancy, childbirth, and parenting.
The Digital Transformation of Motherhood
Amanda Hess discusses the profound shift in her relationship with technology upon discovering her pregnancy.
Amanda Hess [02:18]: "It was so radically different. I realized that my critical distance to technology was completely gone."
She reflects on how, prior to pregnancy, she viewed internet trends analytically. However, motherhood immersed her deeply into digital tools and platforms, altering her previous detached engagement.
Navigating Pregnancy Apps and Algorithms
Hess delves into her experiences with pregnancy-focused applications and the accompanying targeted advertising.
Amanda Hess [03:56]: "Ads started targeting me with prenatal vitamins, beautiful maternity dresses, stuff like that."
Using the Flo app, her transition to "Pregnancy Mode" inundated her with daily recommendations and idealized images of pregnancy, fostering a subconscious pressure to conform to specific norms.
Amanda Hess [05:24]: "It created a feedback loop where that [constant focus on pregnancy] became more possible."
Dealing with Pregnancy Complications in a Digital World
The conversation turns personal as Hess recounts complications during her first pregnancy and the subsequent reliance on digital information.
Amanda Hess [07:54]: "Living in my pregnant body with my future child was a really awful, difficult time... I was sucked into my phone more than I ever had been before."
Diagnosed with Beckwith Wiedemann syndrome, Hess navigated a month-long diagnostic period, heavily reliant on online resources, which often presented a skewed and fragmented view of her situation.
The Emotional Toll and Social Media Pressures
Hess explores the emotional impact of digital representations versus real-life experiences.
Amanda Hess [12:53]: "It's hard for me to be ashamed of that feeling... he's a baby. He's my baby."
Confronted with idealized images online, Hess grappled with feelings of inadequacy regarding her appearance and the authenticity of her motherhood experience.
Exploring the Free Birth Movement
Hess examines alternative approaches to childbirth, specifically the Free Birth Movement, highlighting both its allure and inherent risks.
Amanda Hess [14:57]: "I was trying to understand the harms of just completely rejecting technology and medicine and how dangerous that can be."
She shares the tragic story of Judith, a woman whose unassisted birth led to the stillbirth of her child, underscoring the potential dangers of eschewing medical assistance.
The Impact of COVID-19 on Digital Motherhood
The COVID-19 pandemic amplified the reliance on digital tools due to increased isolation.
Amanda Hess [18:30]: "Covid made that [isolation] so intense and literal... advice was really the last thing that I really needed."
Restricted from traditional support systems, Hess and many new mothers turned to the internet for connection and assistance, highlighting the limitations of digital support in providing tangible help.
Technology as a Support Tool vs. a Hindrance
Hess reflects on the dual nature of technology—both as a helpful resource and a source of added stress.
Amanda Hess [20:14]: "The Internet is not a true approximation... It's this very filtered and, I think, emotionally charged space."
While online communities offered insights and understanding, the often skewed portrayals and advice could exacerbate feelings of inadequacy and stress.
Smart Devices and Authentic Parenting
The discussion shifts to smart baby devices like the SNOO and their impact on parenting dynamics.
Amanda Hess [21:55]: "They promise to help you understand your baby and to optimize their sleep... but they also get in the way of this authentic relationship with your kid."
Hess critiques how such devices can create dependencies that hinder parents from developing intuitive connections with their children.
Partnership and Collaborative Technology Use
Highlighting the role of her husband, Hess emphasizes the importance of collaborative technology in parenting.
Amanda Hess [24:23]: "He was such an involved partner that I didn't have to explore... the effects of all of this stuff falling on mothers."
Simple apps that facilitated communication and coordination between her and her husband proved invaluable, contrasting with more complex technologies that offered less practical support.
Conclusion and Key Takeaways
Amanda Hess's narrative underscores the intricate dance between technology and motherhood. While digital tools and online communities can offer support and information, they also introduce challenges related to authenticity, pressure to conform, and emotional well-being. Hess advocates for a balanced approach, leveraging technology as a tool rather than allowing it to dictate the nuances of the motherhood journey.
Notable Quotes:
- Amanda Hess [02:18]: "I was sucked into these technologies in a way that I had never felt before."
- Amanda Hess [05:24]: "...it created a feedback loop where that became more possible."
- Amanda Hess [12:53]: "...he's a baby. He's my baby."
- Amanda Hess [20:14]: "...advice is really the last thing that I really needed."
- Amanda Hess [21:55]: "...they also get in the way of this authentic relationship with your kid."
This episode of All Of It offers a compelling exploration of modern motherhood's intersection with technology, providing listeners with both personal insights and broader societal reflections.