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- [00:00]
Ted Lowe
Warning. The following podcast is brought to you by dads who are still figuring out how to fold a fitted sheet. Welcome to the AllPro dad podcast. Welcome to the All Pro Dad Podcast. My name is Ted Lowe, and I'm joined today by Mr. B.J. foster, Mr. Bobby Lewis. And together we have five daughters. Five. Five.
- [00:19]
B.J. Foster
Yeah. So today we're talking about the really cool things about being dads to girls. And I don't know about you guys. I'm not a big crier. I'm not a, you know, super touchy feely guy, but the other day, I got really, really close to crying by myself. I was listening to some music, and on came the song Butterfly Kisses. Have you ever heard this horrifically emotional song?
- [00:40]
Bobby Lewis
Gosh, you're so lame.
- [00:42]
B.J. Foster
Have you heard this song?
- [00:43]
Bobby Lewis
Yes, I've heard this.
- [00:44]
B.J. Foster
And you were almost in tears just thinking about it, weren't you? Because the song. If you haven't.
- [00:49]
Ted Lowe
Okay.
- [00:50]
B.J. Foster
If you haven't heard the song, It's a dad writing a song about his daughter, and he's like, how much I love you. One day you're gonna grow up and you're gonna move away and you're gonna get married and you'll change your name. And I just w. Butterfly kisses back. And I was like, oh, gosh. Like, this is a. This is a tough one. I don't know, man. It's one of the most popular father daughter songs for wedding reception. You know, they do the daddy daughter dance at the weddings. One of the most popular songs that are played at weddings. And I think it's because dads, we always think of our daughters as these little girls. Like, they're our little princess. Right? I don't know if you guys feel that way, but I certainly do.
- [01:24]
Ted Lowe
Yeah. I hate those kind of songs.
- [01:27]
B.J. Foster
Oh, gosh.
- [01:28]
Ted Lowe
I hate them. It's so manipulative. And you're going to. It's like there's this magic dusk you put on your kid to make her not grow up, and you just choose not to do it. So it's your fault they're growing up. I hate those.
- [01:39]
Bobby Lewis
I remember specifically his name is Bob Carlisle, the guy that wrote that song. And he talked about how he had tried to write lots of other songs, and none of them was a hit like that one. And I think he talked about the fact that he said I had to write things that I was passionate about. And so that was, I think, one of his first songs he wrote that he was just passionate about. And it. It went skyrocketed to the top. Of the church.
- [02:06]
B.J. Foster
Well, when I think back to my experience the other day, listening to it, the reason it was so powerful is because I was picturing my daughter at each of those stages, and she hasn't gotten to some of those stages. Like, my daughters have not gotten married yet, so I don't know what it's like to give her away. But I'm picturing what that moment might be like. And it's sad to think about because, like, right now, they're little. They're in my home, and I love all the little snuggles, and I love all this time with my daughters, but, man, like, one day I will walk them down the aisle potentially, and they'll change her name and be like, oh, man, like, that's. That chapter's closed.
- [02:37]
Ted Lowe
We're glad we can depress you. Join us next time when we're in a better emotional spot.
- [02:43]
Bobby Lewis
I'll never forget when I was. When my daughter was about four years old, I got a text message from my wife, and it was a video from my daughter. She put on a white dress and had a little white kind of veil and a little bouquet of flowers. And she says, hello, Daddy. Welcome to your future.
- [03:01]
B.J. Foster
Okay. And.
- [03:02]
Bobby Lewis
Yeah. And I was like, no, not ready for that.
- [03:08]
Ted Lowe
Keep that kind of stuff to yourself.
- [03:10]
Bobby Lewis
Exactly. And the guy, Bob Carla, wrote the song when his daughter, I think, was 16. So he had. He hadn't taken his.
- [03:15]
B.J. Foster
And it really is a good song. If you've never heard the song, go look it up. It's really a good song, but, man, it was close. It brought me to tears.
- [03:23]
Ted Lowe
My. My oldest daughter, when she just. I sing songs around her house. I make up songs. It's just how it rolls. And so first day, I had made up this song for her, but in part of it, it says, I'm your knight in shining armor and I love you. I ripped it off from Kenny Rogers lady. And so. And I've been singing that for forever and ever. And we were in Disney. She's about. I think she's about 4 or 5, and she sees a knight in shining armor, and she goes, look, Daddy, it's you. I'm like, oh, you're killing me. You're killing me. And our other daughter, she came to us when she was. She was nine, and she'd been there, I don't know, six months, eight months. And I had a speaking engagement close to where she grew up. And I knew there were some folks that I could trust her to spend. Spend the night with. And so I asked her if she wanted to do that ride down there with me, and she said yes, so drop her off. And the next morning when I go to pick her up, she's standing on the front porch and with her blanket and her little bag and her stuffed animal tucked under her thing, and she goes, I'm ready to go home. And so it was like, now our home is your home. And so. And it happened at what used to be her old home. That was. It was tough or at least surrounding that thing. So just those moments you get with them, it's just. It's tender. It just hits a spot, doesn't it? And I don't want. You know, we're not trying to stereotype, but there is something, at least with my girls, that hits a different spot in me.
- [04:53]
Bobby Lewis
I. I took my daughter to a daddy daughter dance when she was. And I'll never forget driving home that day because we were going to go out on a date and all that stuff and enjoy the night. And when I was on my way home, my wife called and said, okay, she's dressed and she's very excited, and just before you go in and get all ready, just tell her how great she looks. And I distinctly remember turning the corner to. To come to our house. And when you turn the corner, it's like you're. I'm driving directly towards my house, and I could see she was in the window and she had this pretty dress on and a. And a bow in her hair. And the second she saw my car, she started. She started jumping. Yeah, she started jumping. She was so excited.
- [05:44]
Ted Lowe
And
- [05:46]
Bobby Lewis
later on in the evening, I took her to the dance and I had her. There was a porch that overlooked the city of Tampa, which was kind of really neat. And so I took her out there and I said, hey, let's take a picture. And so I got down and. And just kind of aimed it towards us. And she jumped on my back and threw her arms around me. And that, to this day, is my favorite picture of the two of us.
- [06:09]
Ted Lowe
Put that in the show. Notes.
- [06:13]
Bobby Lewis
I'll put that one in the show.
- [06:15]
Ted Lowe
That's cool. Oh, so, yeah, there's so much great things about being a girl dad. And we've got an episode on being boy dads, which we are those as well, but we had to narrow down the list. But here's three of some of the great things that it is about being a girl dad. Number one, where the first love girls tend to be devoted to their daddies. Where they were the first love. Our daughter when she was three or four. She had to get her tonsils out. She'd had a whole lot of problem with it. And so she'd been. She had just needed for us to hold her more and hold it. So we go, and she's about to go in to get surgery, and the doctor said, you can pick mom or dad to, you know, to go in with you. And I won. It was awesome. I was like, take that, sucker. No, no. But it was like, it's one of those things, which was. It was a different kind of moment because mom usually would win, you know, things, but in that moment, she saw me as her protector. And so I like that. And what's funny, though, her mom liked it too. It's just. It's just so important that they, you know, they're our first loves, right? We're their first love.
- [07:26]
Bobby Lewis
I. I'll. I'll say if there's nothing that proves love anymore. My daughter watches this podcast every single week.
- [07:37]
Ted Lowe
Oh, sweetheart, I'm so sorry.
- [07:40]
Bobby Lewis
I know. I'm always so shocked. She goes, hey, you know, she'll be just passing me and she'll be like, a good story today.
- [07:47]
Ted Lowe
That's. That's great.
- [07:48]
Bobby Lewis
And so the fact that she listens to this, watches it is just blows me.
- [07:54]
Ted Lowe
Do you want to speak directly to the camera, to your daughter right now? I love you, honey. Good job. Well done.
- [08:00]
B.J. Foster
I love it. What a compliment, you know, that she wants to. To hear what you have to say. I mean, that's really cool.
- [08:05]
Bobby Lewis
Well, she likes Ted. Yeah, she's a big fan of Ted.
- [08:10]
Ted Lowe
Her and your grandma. I mean, your mom.
- [08:12]
B.J. Foster
That's right.
- [08:13]
Ted Lowe
Yeah. Yeah, that's my demographic. Yeah, that's right.
- [08:16]
Bobby Lewis
Exactly.
- [08:17]
B.J. Foster
I think the biggest complimen compliment that my daughter, my youngest daughter recently gave me was, daddy, I want to marry you when I get older. And maybe that's something you guys have heard, too. A lot of dads have, but it just means I love you, you know, and that's a cool thing, you know? And then I always tell her, sorry I married mommy, but just the fact that she says it, you know, to me, there's no higher compliment than that, you know, I love you, daddy. I want to marry daddy one day. You know, it's cool.
- [08:41]
Ted Lowe
Well into this. Good news or bad news, we're setting the bar for relationships. And now that we are setting the bar for relationships, so it's so important we remember that.
- [08:52]
B.J. Foster
So I was doing a little research on the father daughter bond, and I came across this piece of information from a non profit called All4Kids. And this kind of surprised me. I'll get your opinion on it. It says daughters with strong father connections are less likely to experience teen pregnancy and early sexual activity. So behavior down the road really is kind of taking place now. They're learning things from you when they're little, and then that carries on throughout their, you know, growing up. The Institute for Family Studies notes that, well, fathered daughters are less likely to get pregnant as teenagers and are less likely to become sexually active in their early teenage years. And the Institute for Family Studies also says that daughters whose fathers are present and committed in their own romantic relationships tend to have more hope for their own romantic relationship. So when you say that, where their first love, they're learning how to love as well by just watching us.
- [09:49]
Bobby Lewis
Yeah, I used to see this when I worked with teenagers. I used to see this all the time. In fact, it was easy for me to identify who had a good relationship with their dad before. Just seeing how they interact with boys, seeing how they, you know, particularly I would see it even in eighth grade, like, eighth grade girls, like, there were the eighth grade girls that would be really boy crazy, kind of all over them. I'm like, okay, I wonder what the father daughter relationship is there. And so, and of course, I would find out later. I'm like, yeah, dad's not really in the picture. He's not around, or he's, you know, bad influence, all that.
- [10:29]
Ted Lowe
So you. You saw these stats in. In real time.
- [10:32]
Bobby Lewis
Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. Which was one of the hardest things to watch. And then it's inevitably you'd have girl who would be very healthy in relationships and, and how she engaged and thought about the opposite sex. And, yep, engaged dad totally in with her and, you know, like, good relationship there. And so, yeah, yeah, it makes a huge difference.
- [10:57]
Ted Lowe
And I think it's important for us to know that A plus B does not always equal C. You know, a lot of good dads are engaged and their daughters, for whatever reason, go off, you know, in a right, wrong direction. But at the same time, if we're, you know, playing the odds, this is so key.
- [11:12]
B.J. Foster
Yeah. My hope is that my daughters watch me with my wife and say, I want to marry someone like dad. So if we're their first loves and they love us, and then as they grow older, they're watching us and how we treat our wives, hopefully they then come to understand and know what to expect from a husband who loves his wife and will love her well. So that's. That's my challenge and my Charge every day is be a dad that loves them but also loves their mom really well.
- [11:44]
Ted Lowe
So good. The second thing that we're going to talk about is being the protector and comforter of. And I feel like this urge to protect really kicked in with my daughter and I don't know to a good point or whatever, but I just think it turns out she's clumsy like me. So I'm glad I had to do that. But it's just that protector. Do you guys feel like for you there's a different type of feeling of protection towards your daughter than to your sons?
- [12:11]
Bobby Lewis
Yeah.
- [12:12]
Ted Lowe
Do we feel like we need to protect them more?
- [12:14]
Bobby Lewis
Yeah, I mean, like just from a physical standpoint. I mean, they just are not as strong. Like there is more of a physical vulnerability there. And so that's why I kind of feel like, you know, that I kind of want to put a protective mold around.
- [12:36]
Ted Lowe
Absolutely, absolutely. And I just know with. And my wife's talked to me a lot about this, she goes, girls are taught early on to be afraid a little bit. Like to always be on the guard about men and where they're walking and where they are. And I didn't know that was a thing. I mean, I could get it logically, but I never even thought about it that girls are kind of on the lookout, safety wise. So as dads, we get to, they better not mess with you girl. Because there's something about protecting them and even my daughter with their older brothers because she wanted to get in there and mix it up. And we had a rule like boys, you mess with her, you mess with me, you know? So just being the protector can kick in. Another thing is girls can tend to be more sensitive than boys. It's not always true, but it's definitely true of my girls is they are way. Both of them are way more sensitive. We talked about the boy episode. We'll put this in the show notes, but how blunt we can be, it's kind of refreshing. Sometimes you can just say what you mean. But with girls, they can just tend to be more emotionally sensitive because they're more emotionally aware and actually more emotionally intelligent. They have much bigger emotional vocabulary than boys. So we gotta honor that intelligence with them.
- [13:54]
Bobby Lewis
I'll never forget I laid down, I would lay down with my kids a lot at night. And so my daughter was around, probably around seven, I think at the time. And I laid down with her and was falling asleep. And you ever, you ever do that thing where you're falling asleep and then you feel like you're Falling and then you like jerk awake and that kind of thing. And, and she knew that that happens to me quite a bit. And so I started to go and I, you know, kind of woke up and you know, her little tender seven year old voice, she said, did you feel like you were falling? And I said, and I said, yeah. And she goes, here, hold my hand. That way when you, if you feel like you're falling, you'll know that I've got you.
- [14:34]
Ted Lowe
Good grief. What are you doing? What are you doing to me over there?
- [14:38]
B.J. Foster
That's.
- [14:38]
Ted Lowe
That's incredible.
- [14:39]
B.J. Foster
That's worse than butterfly kisses.
- [14:40]
Ted Lowe
Good.
- [14:40]
B.J. Foster
Yeah.
- [14:42]
Ted Lowe
That's better than butterfly kisses.
- [14:44]
B.J. Foster
Well, yeah, that's what I mean. Yeah, yeah. You know, I think because of that sensitivity and it's like you said, it's not true for every child, but it certainly is for my two daughters. They're very in touch with their feelings and so I try very hard not to shatter those, those opportunities, those bids for connection that we've talked about before. So when my S year old comes in and says, daddy, can we put the glitter in your hair? Look, I got glitter in my hair. I'm like, yeah. So I say yes because I know it matters. It's just a connection point. And so, yeah, I tend to say yes to my daughters for stuff like that, you know. Yeah.
- [15:22]
Ted Lowe
And I think daughters sometimes, for me, I don't understand why they're so upset to the level of which they're upset. And that's when all my logic kicks in.
- [15:32]
Bobby Lewis
Hey, no, no, there's no need to,
- [15:34]
Ted Lowe
you know, instead of just again, busting out the empathy with. It's just different.
- [15:38]
B.J. Foster
Yeah, well, boys and girls are different. We did, like you said, episode with sons. There's a difference between the relationship with dads and daughters. I came across this piece of study from Boston University from 2013 that said preschoolers artwork, they went through and did a whole study on it. They followed six different 15 minute free drawing sessions with preschoolers and found that the work of the male students tended to involve adventure and conflict. They would draw tanks, they'd draw explosions or sharks or whatever. And then the girl students tended to depict tranquil outdoor scenes or people living harmoniously. They would draw flowers, they would draw tea parties, they would draw beautiful animals, stuff like that. And it suggests exactly the same thing that we are noting, that girls tend to be a little softer, a little more sensitive, a little more in touch with the relational things. And that's a really good thing for dads because it opens up new things for us to experience as well. So for me, my daughters, going back years, years and years, this opened the door for me to watch the Frozen movies, all of them over and over again on repeat, because that's what they loved. And so I wouldn't have naturally drifted over to watch the frozen movies, but my daughters opened that door for me. And so we did those things together. Same with the tea parties, same with wildflowers, all that sort of stuff. And so I've done all these things that I normally wouldn't have ever done as a guy because my daughters have made me a better person. And I went into the doctor recently. We just did a regular annual physical. And I, I'll remember the story for a long time because I sat up on the little chair and he says, all right, well, let's sit here, let me take a look at your leg. And he's like, what in the world? And he looked down at my foot and he goes, are you okay? And I looked down, I was like, what? What's the problem? You're the doctor. And he goes, well, what's with your toe? There was some leftover nail polish on my toe that my daughter had painted my toenails. And I was like, oh, yeah, my, my six year old, she painted my toes. And he goes, yeah, I got two grown girls. I'd give anything to go back and let them paint my toes.
- [17:36]
Ted Lowe
Good grief.
- [17:37]
B.J. Foster
And I was like, I am not going. This doctor visit, it was just such a cool story that, you know, in that moment where I thought he was going to think I was weird or something, he's like, no, man, you're. You're doing it right.
- [17:46]
Ted Lowe
You're right on track. Straight from the doctor's mouth, right? I'm telling you, I. They will. Girls will make you do things you'd never think you'd do. Our friends had gone out at Halloween and they. The dad had like a prince, like a costume, like from Enchanted. Like the, the prints on there, you know, big puffy sleeves.
- [18:05]
B.J. Foster
Not the musician.
- [18:06]
Ted Lowe
No, not the musician would be the same kind of outfit, pretty much. But it was a big puff leaves. And so I said, can I borrow that? I don't even know where. Can I borrow that? The princess and the frog had just come out. So I told her, mom, I say, put her, put her on a princess dress. She just happened to have about 12 of them. And I said, and I'll meet her at the front door. And I had on this most goofball looking prince outfit. I was surprised, like, what about this Guy doesn't look like a prince. His head. Anyway, so I go and I knock the front door, which we never use our front door. He sucks. And her eyes were just like that. So. And we're gonna drive and watch Princess and the Frog. And it hits me on the way. I am dressed like a prince, about to walk into a movie theater. This. What was I thinking? I've really gotta do this, gotta walk in. But it was so fun. I walked in there with her and there's a little girl in there. And she sees my daughter dressed like a princess. And she never once glanced at me. I'm like, dude, what about me? What about me? But it's just. They will make do some. They will hit parts of our heart that we did not know we had. And it's, it's, it's rich. And I'm so thankful for it. So thankful for it.
- [19:18]
B.J. Foster
I, you know, I have a similar. Not dressing up like a prince. I don't have that story. But just you mentioning that they have a part of your heart. Like there's stuff that my son can ask for and I will flat out say no. Like, we're not doing that. My daughter asked for it. And I think twice. You know, I'm like, oh, sweetie, maybe. In fact, the other day I was here at work and my wife sent me a video. They had stopped at the pet store and my 6 year old has been asking for a cat for multiple months now. Like for Christmas, she slid across a piece of paper and it just said cat. She go, this is my list. I was like, no, we're not getting a cat. Her birthday is coming up. And she said again, I want a cat. Like, you already have a cat. We don't need a second cat. But my wife sent me a video of them looking at cats at the pet store. And the video was my little girl looking into the camera camera and saying, daddy, it's really cute. It would make me very happy if you got me a cat. And I was like, oh my gosh. I had to watch it on. I sent my wife, don't send me any more of these. We're gonna have 19 cats in our house, you know.
- [20:16]
Ted Lowe
So you didn't let her have the cat?
- [20:17]
B.J. Foster
Don't judge me. No, not yet. But her birthday is coming. So I think my wife's gonna send me a couple more videos.
- [20:24]
Ted Lowe
I just think you cashed out every bit of that.
- [20:26]
B.J. Foster
I know. Well, listen, I, I am.
- [20:29]
Ted Lowe
You get that girl a cat.
- [20:30]
B.J. Foster
I would have told my son no, flat out to his face. But this girl, the sweetest little mouth or the sweetest little voice. I'm like, how do I say no to this? Oh, my gosh, it's so cute. So the jury's still out. Her birthday's a few weeks away. I may check back in and tell you that we got a cat, you
- [20:46]
Ted Lowe
know, and that's your pro move.
- [20:49]
B.J. Foster
I don't know, man.
- [20:49]
Ted Lowe
Get your.
- [20:50]
B.J. Foster
But the fact that I'm considering it when I would have flat out said no to my son, the fact that I'm considering it, I think just speaks to the fact that daughters tend to have us wrapped around their finger in a special kind of way. And that's not a bad thing, you know, unless you're trying to save money on cat food, it's a bad thing.
- [21:06]
Ted Lowe
That's right. So pro move is dress up like an idiot or buy your child a pet that you don't want. You can do that, or you can set aside one on one time with your daughters this week. Let them set the agenda and just enjoy being a girl dad. You guys think this is good? We got a little mushy on this little mush bumb about her girls. And that's okay. Dads are the same way, whether they want to admit it or not. So thanks for hanging out with me and thanks for you hanging out. Hey, if you didn't know, we're not only on audio, we're on YouTube as well. So go there and subscribe. Check that out. But most of all, we want to say thanks. Thanks for hanging out with us. We know you and your daughters will be glad you did.
- [21:47]
Podcast Producer
Thanks again for listening to the All Pro dad podcast. Behind every episode is our amazing team producer, Haley Mwat, audio and video editor Buck Buchanan, and production coordinator Corey Wolfe. Allprodad is the fatherhood program of the nonprofit Family first first, along with our motherhood program imom. We exist to help you love your family well. So remember, if you have more questions than answers, then you're probably in the right place. See you next time.