Dating Red Flags and Friendship Deal Breakers

Summary

Podcast Summary: Always Here — “Dating Red Flags and Friendship Deal Breakers”
Episode Date: April 24, 2026

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Episode Overview

Sister-in-laws and co-hosts Abby Howard and Abby Howard (along with regular guest Addie) bring warmth, humor, and real talk to relationships in this episode of Always Here. This week, the trio discusses dating red flags and friendship deal breakers, weaving in stories from their own marriages, listener submissions, and plenty of quirky, honest takes. Parts of the episode also touch on female health anxieties, family quirks, and what it means to build community as modern women.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Community & Connection at the Live Event (04:11–09:48)

• The hosts share reflections on a recent live event:
  • Both Abby and Rachel were humbled by attendees’ strength, stories of struggle, and how the podcast has fostered real-life friendships.
  • Rachel observes: “So many stages of life, yet we all showed up and sweat together…” (06:00)
  • Attendees formed connections, traded contacts, and built a sense of support for young moms and women in transitional life stages.
• Light banter about inviting their mothers to the podcast, getting “diva” requests, and their mothers’ pre-event shopping antics.
• Bonding moments of nervousness and physical symptoms pre-event (“nervous diarrhea” jokes).

2. Hopes & Hards: Real-Life Challenges and Good News (15:51–24:27)

• Weekly “hopes and hards” segment:
  • Abby shares vulnerability about experiencing mom guilt and feeling constantly distracted. (16:03–16:51)
  • Abby discusses a health scare involving a breast lump, the anxiety of waiting for results, and relief when it turned out benign. “I didn’t really feel that nervous about it until I went in for the appointment. And then… this could be an appointment that changes your life.” (17:34)
  • Rachel relates her own story of having a mysterious “lump” in her armpit during pregnancy, leading to an awkward but ultimately benign medical exam.
  • Rachel touches on how recurring sinus infections have affected her marriage, leading to “roommate mode” with her husband: “I just keep going to bed, and I feel so lame. I’m just so tired.” (23:46)

3. Female Health & Pelvic Floor Therapy (24:26–29:43)

• Open discussion about pelvic floor therapy:
  • Rachel shares a hilariously mortifying story of going to pelvic floor therapy expecting physical therapy exercises, but receiving hands-on internal therapy at someone’s home.
  • Hosts underscore the importance of knowing what such therapy actually entails, advocating for informed consent and preparation.
  • A candid mention: “I think it’s good I signed up for this… and then I canceled the rest of my sessions.” — Rachel (27:27–28:18)
  • Addie and Abby compare experiences, recommending it’s only for those ready to handle that level of vulnerability.

4. “Wow, That’s Crazy!”—The Microplastics Documentary (29:51–44:34)

• Discussion of “The Plastic Detox” on Netflix:
  • The alarming stat: “Adults may ingest up to 121,000 microplastic particles per year… That’s about the size of a credit card!” — Abby (29:51, 31:33)
  • Insights into microplastics, their effect on fertility, personal skepticism about study limitations, and actionable household changes (e.g., glass containers, avoiding microwaving plastic, plastic cutting boards).
  • The hosts stress balance—not to fearmonger or try for personal “purity,” but to make informed, incremental improvements.
  • Fun side-tangents include: the prevalence of plastics in all products, the stress of supply chains, and skepticism about certain documentary personalities.
  • Abby says: “Anything that I do… I feel like ten years from now, we’re gonna find out, oh, that’s not actually good…” (39:49–40:14)

5. Coachella, Personal Quirks & Pop Culture (45:01–47:44)

• Short segment on Bieber at Coachella:
  • Fangirling over Justin and Hailey Bieber’s set (“Beavercella”), the “influencer lifestyle,” and what one would wear to such an event.
  • Stereotypical festival fashion, influencer houses, and the general consensus that festivals sound exhausting for moms.

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Main Theme: Dating Red Flags & Friendship Deal Breakers

Instagram Poll: “He’s a 10, but…” (49:21–55:56)

The hosts riff on the viral “he’s a 10, but…” game, rating a variety of classic and quirky red flags from listener polls:

• Multiple Ex-Wives: “Two is a pattern… you can have one crazy thing happen. But two, that’s a common thread.” (50:29–50:37)
• Speaks Disrespectfully to Family: Immediate dealbreaker.
• Unclear Intentions: “Clear is kind.” (51:15)
• No Work Ethic & Dirty Nails: Split verdict; dirty from work OK, general sloppiness not.
• Emotionally Immature: Major red flag.
• None of Your Family/Friends Like Him: “Run.” (54:42)
• Mean to His Mom: “Get out while you can.” — The hosts discuss if/how treatment of mothers reflects future romantic dynamic.
• Other humorous flags: Foot fetishes, calling your dog ugly, jeans to bed (psychopath?), Velcro/duct tape wallets, eternal high schoolers.

Transition to Real Talk: Self-Worth and Standards (59:05–60:33)

• Rachel observes: “What you’re willing to put up with in a romantic relationship reveals how you view yourself… I think people should view themselves highly and also be someone worthy of being viewed highly.” (59:10–59:42)
• Abby shares memorable advice: “Don’t lower your standards, but lengthen your patience.” (60:08)

Dating Red Flags—Expanded (80:47–98:46)

Abby & Rachel’s Expanded List

• Love Bombing & Flattery: Caution toward anyone who’s “just telling you everything you want to hear” early on; it can be a manipulation tactic. (81:20–81:40)
• Bad Hygiene/Slob Factor: Both surface issues can reflect deeper disregard for self and others’ comfort/safety.
• Unhealthy Addictions: If not in recovery, this is a serious pause, but does not mean lifelong disqualification if growth is visible later. (84:13–84:51)
• Non-Commitment/Flakiness: “If you’re dating someone and they just [are] very lackadaisical…from plans to jobs to actually calling you their girlfriend…that is just such a red flag because the foundation of marriage is commitment.” — Abby (85:22)
• Mean Behavior & Conflict Resolution: Especially men raising their voices in conflict—a non-starter. “That is just so scary…You don’t want that type of, like, bull in your household as a leader.” — Rachel (88:14–88:57)
• Resistance to Feedback, Help, Counseling: Not being teachable or self-reflective is a major problem.
• Laziness in Pursuing/Planning: If, in dating, all initiative comes from you, don’t expect it to magically start after marriage. “Whatever is going to happen, everything is gonna be amplified.” — Rachel (96:47)

General Dating Wisdom

• Addie: Watch how someone receives correction or feedback—do they change? Or do they get defensive? (91:12)
• Don’t try to “date a project”; building each other up is good, but it can’t be unilateral. (98:00)

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Friendship Red Flags & Green Flags (72:35–80:27)

• Talking Behind Backs / Gossip: “If you’re willing to talk about other people behind your back, then it’s pretty clear they’re willing to talk about you behind your back.” — Rachel (73:31)
  • Noted that “it’s not gossiping if it’s true” is a dangerous myth. (75:03)
• Disrespect Toward Their Own Family: If someone constantly trashes their husband, kids, or close attachments, they’ll do the same to you.
• Competitiveness in Friendship: Looking for mutual support, not rivalry or comparison. “You want to be around people that are building you up and you are able to build them up too.” — Abby (75:20)
• Constant Complaining/Discontent: Contentment and positivity are contagious, and healthy boundaries sometimes mean letting friendships “fizzle” if repeated negativity or lack of forgiveness are patterns.
  • Complaining as a red flag; contentment as a green flag.
  • “If you find that…someone that is just deeply content… that is something that I benefit so much from.” — Rachel (77:13)
• Unforgiveness or Assuming the Worst: Quickness to judge or being unforgiving in friendships is a dealbreaker.

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Fun & Memorable Moments

• Nervous Diarrhea Before Live Events: “We bonded over that…” (09:29–09:42)
• Moms as Divas for the Podcast: Demanding food, drinks, hair, and new wardrobes. “They think we’re ugly! What’s going on?” (11:22–12:18)
• Jeans in Bed & Duct Tape Wallets: “Jeans to bed — I think he’s a psychopath.” (62:09–62:17)
• Silent Treatment vs. Over-Talking During Conflict: “We need to meet in the middle. I’m more of like, let me tell you something.” (72:11–72:17)
• Children’s Funniest Comments: Accusations of parents going to jail, confusion about parental names, and anatomical curiosity. (104:11–106:32)
• Their “Roman Empires:” The “lost colony of Roanoke” and fearing acid rain or flash floods — classic elementary school anxieties. (100:14–103:11)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Live Event & Community: 04:11–09:48
• Hopes & Hards/Health Scares: 15:51–24:27
• Pelvic Floor Therapy Segment: 24:26–29:43
• Microplastics Documentary Discussion: 29:51–44:34
• Dating Red Flags (Lightning Round): 49:21–55:56
• Extended Dating Friendship Red/Green Flags: 72:35–98:46

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Notable Quotes

• “What you’re willing to put up with in a romantic relationship reveals how you view yourself.” — Rachel (59:10)
• “Don’t shorten your standards, but lengthen your patience.” — Abby (60:08)
• “If you’re willing to talk about other people behind your back, then it’s pretty clear that they’re willing to talk about you behind your back.” — Rachel (73:31)
• “Commit, commit, commit, commit.” — Abby (86:03)
• “You want to be around people that are building you up and you are able to build them up too.” — Abby (75:20)
• “I think contentment is contagious.” — Abby (77:44)

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Tone & Style

The episode is honest, empathetic, slightly self-deprecating, and brimful with supportive advice (plus plenty of playful sisterly teasing). The hosts are comfortable acknowledging their own quirks and missteps, using humor as a bridge to discuss vulnerability. Their style merges practical wisdom with relatable anecdotes and a welcoming, “big sister” energy.

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For Listeners Who Haven’t Tuned In

This episode of Always Here offers a rich blend of laugh-out-loud moments, down-to-earth relationship insights, and heartfelt encouragement for women navigating dating, friendship, and personal growth. You’ll leave with a clearer picture of the red and green flags to watch for — in others and in yourself — and the sense that whatever you’re facing, you’re not alone.

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[End of Summary]

Transcript

[Abby Howard]

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[Addie]

guy no one knows.

[Rachel]

Be careful. I wish Nikki loved me more than anyone in the entire world.

[Abby Howard]

Who you wish for. Obsession is 96% fresh on rotten tomatoes. I love you so, so, so, so much. It's blood soaked nightmare fuel.

[Rachel]

Brooke Hunger spills.

[Abby Howard]

You put on her. You have been warned. Obsession. Rated R under 17, animated without parent only theaters May 15 with special engagements in Dolby. He's has felony charges.

[Rachel]

I think there's plenty of.

[Abby Howard]

There's forgiveness.

[Rachel]

Oh, you're picking someone to spend the rest of your life. If you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back.

[Abby Howard]

I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart's sake.

[Rachel]

I was told this too. It's not gossiping if it's true.

[Abby Howard]

I do the silent treatment.

[Rachel]

It would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment.

[Abby Howard]

We need to meet in the middle.

[Rachel]

I'm more of like.

[Abby Howard]

Let me tell you something. Welcome back to Always.

[Addie]

Are you starting the unplanned one?

[Rachel]

Are you? Okay, you do it first. No, Brady, keep that in there. Try it again.

[Abby Howard]

Cut, two, three. Welcome back to Always.

[Rachel]

Here

[Abby Howard]

I'm your host, Abby Howard.

[Rachel]

And Abby Howard. Sorry, we're.

[Addie]

We're.

[Abby Howard]

Abby's pregnancy wheeze is continuing.

[Rachel]

It's continuing. Seriously?

[Addie]

Did you watch that clip?

[Abby Howard]

I was cracking up.

[Rachel]

I one stop, like this protein shop place and I was like laughing at myself. And these guys are probably like, also, she's crazy. I just bought a protein shake. And the guy that was like, there's two employees and the other guy working there is talking about. He's like, oh, Is he a 2009 kid too? Talking about hockey. Him and this, like, very successful hockey player, Both born in 2009, if you wanted to feel old today.

[Abby Howard]

And how old were they? Oh, my gosh. 20. Wait, it's not 20. 29.

[Rachel]

17.

[Abby Howard]

17.

[Rachel]

Is that not.

[Abby Howard]

That is kind of weird.

[Rachel]

2009.

[Abby Howard]

I don't feel like people were born in those years.

[Rachel]

No.

[Abby Howard]

And if they were, their children here's my marker.

[Rachel]

How old my little brother is. Right. Anyone old? Anyone younger than him? Infant.

[Abby Howard]

What year was Blake born?

[Rachel]

2001.

[Abby Howard]

2001. I'm like, 2000.

[Addie]

No, 2001 as well. The very beginning, though, in case anyone

[Rachel]

wanted to feel a little bit more seasoned today, that was me. I was like, it's happening. I had to hold myself back from saying, you were born in 2009.

[Abby Howard]

And you're talking in full sentences.

[Rachel]

You're an employed person.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, yeah, we're aging.

[Rachel]

I just felt like I needed to. I don't know.

[Abby Howard]

Can you imagine if we worked in a corporate workspace, how old we would feel? I just feel like when you work corporate, you're, like, around so many younger people and they're always coming up and, like, I feel like I always see those tick tock jokes of them being like, the millennial versus I'm used to

[Rachel]

being, like, the youngest. I felt like, everywhere, like, in the circles, I was like, the youngest. And now it's just not necessarily the case anymore.

[Abby Howard]

I remember in school when we talked about, like, the millennial generation, the upcoming generation, and now millennials are old and it's, you know, Gen Z, Gen Alpha.

[Rachel]

Just more experience.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. We're just out of the range of people don't care about us.

[Rachel]

Like high schoolers. Wow, that's far away.

[Abby Howard]

We've been studied. They don't need to study us anymore. They figured us out.

[Rachel]

We've been studied.

[Abby Howard]

Well. How are you doing?

[Rachel]

I am good.

[Abby Howard]

Good. Yeah. Should we do our hopes and our hearts?

[Rachel]

Let's do it. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

You wanna go first?

[Rachel]

Okay. Well, my hope was obviously our always here event.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

We did a workout together and I just kept talking Matt's ear off afterwards.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Because I also. Okay, so many things. First of all, I don't really have I done a live event ever. Basically, like, twice, maybe. Max. And it was really, really, really cool.

[Abby Howard]

It was.

[Rachel]

And here's my favorite part. Well, first of all, getting to meet you guys was so cool because I felt a weird sense of pride in the fact that these are the people that are attracted to our podcast. Like, I felt proud of you guys for myself.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. You turn to me and you go, this says something about us. Because these girls are all awesome.

[Rachel]

They're all awesome. And I was like, wow. Wow. I'm using this to gas myself up.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

You guys are so awesome.

[Abby Howard]

Truly.

[Rachel]

But it really is cool to just see, like, okay, the people that, like, enjoy our show. Like, what kind of people are those? Because, like, we see your Comments. We see your feedback, but like this was really cool.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, it was.

[Rachel]

And secondly, I just kept thinking about how strong women are. Like everyone in that room. Like, I know some, I mean just from talking to you guys. Cause I really think we personally talk to every single person, which was really, really cool. Struggling with. People have come up to me talking about miscarriage, talking about, you know, juggling having multiples or on their first pregnancy or having gotten a bad diagnosis, dealt with cancer. Like now single and like having trouble. Like so many stages of life, yet we all showed up and sweat together and did some really impressive things with our bodies together. And like, it was just so cool. Like I just, I can't even. It was so humbling too. Just like hearing you guys talk about like, oh yeah, I'm. I started listening to this podcast and I listen, I share with my mom, I share with my sister in law, my sister, my, my friends, we all listen every week, which is so special. But then also people that have like tuned in for years. Like one sweet, sweet lady that came, brought her hoodie from when Matt and I first did merch back in Springfield.

[Abby Howard]

Oh my God.

[Rachel]

And she's like, I just wanted to show you, like, I like. And that was so cool. So Springfield, Missouri. I haven't lived there for like six years.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

So that was just super cool. And I feel like that also just made us like immediate friends with you guys.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Rachel]

And also. Sorry, I'm stealing the mic.

[Abby Howard]

No, I mean, I love it.

[Rachel]

The third best element about that was also like you guys were becoming friends with each other and because we were like, I mean, we all are different, but then also have this same shared, like, I don't know, general interest. Yeah. And life stage or whatever it may be. And people were like sharing contacts and we're like, oh yeah, we're gonna hang out or like get our kids together. And it was just so, so cool.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Fourth thing, last thing, I swear to God is that I love that we were doing it alongside you. I feel like I've always been very hesitant about like live events and I hope this doesn't come across as any certain way. This is just genuinely how I feel. I don't like situations where it feels like I'm already like, I already feel like being. Posting online puts me on a certain pedestal. But like doing a live event where I'm like, I don't know, like on stage, come to meet me, come to talk to me, like, and let me, I don't know, like, watch me, watch me, watch me.

[Abby Howard]

Like, pictures of me.

[Rachel]

Like, look at you, look at you, look at you. Like, I don't know. And so, like, the fact that we were able to work out together and do an activity together and, like, all as friends and equals was also just, like, perfect format, in my opinion.

[Abby Howard]

So totally.

[Rachel]

Oh, wow. I'm talking way too much.

[Abby Howard]

No, I agree with all those things. I was really. I think it made it feel so extra worth it hearing that girls connected to with each other because I felt like a common comment that girls made to me was like, I'm so grateful that you guys are doing that. You started this podcast and actually are trying to, like, form community, especially for, like, young moms, newly married women. Like, these seasons of life that are transitional and can feel lonely. Like, it's been really comforting to me that you guys have started this podcast, and I feel seen in a lot of ways. And so then now you guys doing this live event, and it's like, it is a local event, and so these girls all do live relatively close. And so there is just, like, that element of, like, we're trying to make our big city feel smaller, and it just made me want to do it in other cities.

[Rachel]

I think that's what's so humbling about it too, though, is that, like, because of this podcast, it's becoming so much bigger than just us. Right? Because of, like, what you guys were able to do and, like, build upon, like, this community. And I will shout out. Some people did fly in for this event, which is crazy and such an honor, too.

[Abby Howard]

So amazing.

[Rachel]

That was just like. I feel like I've always been, like, kind of a Debbie Downer at the thought of, like, doing live events, but this really. This really flipped my coin.

[Addie]

Oh, yeah.

[Rachel]

Is that a phrase? I'm just gonna flip my coin. I flip my coin. I like it.

[Abby Howard]

We'll start making. We'll make it.

[Rachel]

I know what that means. Don't say that people might be, like, inappropriate.

[Abby Howard]

No, no, no. But I. Yeah, I agree. It was really fun. And I think I had the nerves, too, of, like, I don't want this to just be like, an about us thing. Like, and I think it did feel like we were meeting you guys. Not necessarily. You were coming to meet us.

[Rachel]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Abby Howard]

Like, I felt like that I was like, I want to meet all these girls and talk to them and just be. I don't know, get to know him.

[Rachel]

Do you want to tell them that you had nervous diarrhea before the.

[Abby Howard]

I had such bad nervous diarrhea.

[Addie]

Hey, we bonded over that. Bonded over there.

[Abby Howard]

So did Addie, so.

[Addie]

Yeah, we did too. I did too. It's okay.

[Rachel]

Oh, no.

[Addie]

Yeah, yeah. We were bonding about it. I know we both had some issues in the morning before, but.

[Rachel]

Well, I have pregnancy constipation, so don't take that as.

[Abby Howard]

My energy was so chaotic. I was just doing high kicks and acting so erratic. I just, like, couldn't calm it down.

[Rachel]

I couldn't breathe.

[Abby Howard]

I showed Caleb a video. Cause I got it on video, actually, of me doing. I did four high kicks in a row. Just, like, by myself in the corner. Like, I haven't done a high kick in years.

[Addie]

That's so funny.

[Abby Howard]

It was goofy.

[Addie]

No, I think it shows that even. We, like, had the setup and we put the donuts and the drinks outside, and we had the balloons and all things. We didn't think that people were gonna stand in a line to say hi to you guys. Like, that was epic. But it just shows that, like, that wasn't how we thought it was gonna go. Cause we're like, you're just wanna meet the community and hang out. And so it was fun. You're shout out to the moms. They were running the. The drinks and the donuts and the treats afterwards. And so they came inside and went down the line and gave everyone treats, which was so sweet.

[Rachel]

I do actually have to call out our moms.

[Abby Howard]

They did it so much.

[Rachel]

Yeah, they helped out so much. But then I have to call out

[Addie]

your mom, your parent, your. Both your moms. Okay, teaser. The moms are gonna come on the podcast.

[Rachel]

I know my mom. That's what I was gonna say.

[Addie]

Did you know that they stopped? They told me they needed to talk to me at the gym this morning. They sat me down. I said, I don't know what authority you think I have. They said, add it. You have all of the authority. Here are demands.

[Rachel]

Oh, gosh. Wait a minute. Let's preface this by saying we invited our moms on the podcast for a Mother's Day episode, and maybe we're regretting it. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I was like, what is this? Like, drinks and food you want on set? What are these demands?

[Addie]

Hair and makeup.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, my gosh.

[Addie]

Good lighting.

[Abby Howard]

Well.

[Addie]

And I was like, well, we're in a studio.

[Abby Howard]

They think we're ugly. What's going on?

[Addie]

And she said, if you would like more, we will give those demands as well.

[Abby Howard]

They want us to pay for their hair and makeup.

[Addie]

Yeah, yeah. Abby will do your hair and makeup.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I'm like, abby's talented.

[Rachel]

I did her makeup for my wedding. She thinks it needs to be better than not.

[Addie]

Lori did say, oh, yeah, Abby could do it, so. Lori did say, you could do it.

[Rachel]

Okay, well, that actually isn't even what I was gonna say. Oh.

[Addie]

Oh, tell us more.

[Rachel]

Next thing. You guys. We are literally gonna regret this so much.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, my gosh.

[Rachel]

So then the other thing is that we got a text from our friend Ashley. Yeah. And she's like, no way. I just was at Anthropologie, and I ran into both your moms trying on new clothes for the podcast. They're getting a whole new wardrobe. I love it. I'm like, do you understand? I'm wearing sweats. I know.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, you know what, Mom? Just get pants. You're gonna be sit. We're gonna be sitting low. We're gonna be sitting real low.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Our new chairs.

[Abby Howard]

Our new chairs. So get some pants. That's what I told her.

[Rachel]

This is just so wild.

[Abby Howard]

I know. They're like. I'm like, wow, we better come prepared for you, ladies.

[Rachel]

And I thought that they would be the guests that show the most diva behavior.

[Abby Howard]

Of course. Yes, I know. Honestly, we said mother's episode. I was like, oh, here we go. No, just kidding.

[Rachel]

Here's the thing. I only knew that my mom was going to do it because your mom was going to do it.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, my mom was going to pressure her to do it for sure.

[Rachel]

My mom was like, well, wait a minute. And I was like, well, Mom, Ruth's already in, so. And then Ruth didn't know anything about it, but we just knew she'd be

[Addie]

like, ruth said, you never told her. And we're like, we haven't had a chance.

[Rachel]

We knew she was in the can. Okay. She was gonna do it.

[Abby Howard]

Our chain of command of communication is so funny. Sometimes my mom hears things from Laurie, and she's like, well, she's like, did you know that Matt and Abby are gonna be in Hawaii for a couple weeks? I was like, no, but I'm sure they were gonna tell me eventually. And she was like, well, Lori told me it's gonna be a couple weeks. And I'm like, I know they're gonna tell me.

[Addie]

It's actually already.

[Abby Howard]

I'm sure my mom is telling. Your mom's up.

[Rachel]

Like, they're.

[Abby Howard]

They're always, like, telling us the things that they know behind the scenes that we're talking about in our homes and then relaying the information to each other. I'm like, it was gonna get to me. I'm not like it's always happy.

[Rachel]

Like, that's why we need a reality TV show.

[Addie]

Honestly, we do.

[Rachel]

Like, I could hear your mom's in the dressing room, and I had to apologize.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, going back to the event, our moms were such a huge help. Hannah on her team, she was an amazing help. She did all the content, like, organized so well. Was just on top of things. Addy, you did an amazing job planning and setting up. Just being Sam, who was the trainer. She wrote an incredible workout. Yeah. And just kept the energy so high. And Amanda, who did the balloons from Cactus Blossom Balloon, she did such a good job. Unreal.

[Addie]

For sending us joy.

[Abby Howard]

Unreal element. I mean, they made the day delicious.

[Rachel]

Amanda said she got several inquiries after the event between.

[Abby Howard]

She's so check out.

[Addie]

That was so fun. Coming. Going to the gym on Monday, and this stuff was still.

[Abby Howard]

CJ ran up to it and was like, balloons. My balloons. Like, he recognized it.

[Rachel]

Oh, really?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Our friend Randy. Randy, who works in the daycare, she. Her kids also went and started to pose next to it because they're like. They just know there's a backdrop. That's where they go for smile.

[Rachel]

They're used to it.

[Abby Howard]

Like, good. Spread the word.

[Rachel]

Tell your friends.

[Abby Howard]

Tell your friends.

[Addie]

Always here.

[Rachel]

That's awesome. Now, whenever anyone says, I'm always here, I'm like, me, too. Are you saying that? Oh, no.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

They're just saying, you don't know it. Can I. Can I just said something that's been on my heart?

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I feel a little weird about Always Homies.

[Addie]

You don't like it?

[Abby Howard]

Because I just feel like. It feels so masculine. I never say it because I'm like, what's up, homie? Feels so just, you know, it's, like, funny.

[Rachel]

But I feel, like, really glad you got that off your chest.

[Abby Howard]

I know you came up with it. No, Caleb. Like, listen, I can't take credit. I just brought it to the table, and everyone loved it. But then I'm like, it's always honey. Like, always honeys.

[Rachel]

Feels a little bit like I always

[Addie]

call people always honeys. There's a conflict of interest there.

[Rachel]

My mom's honey, and there's no other honey.

[Abby Howard]

Shoot. So keep it homies.

[Rachel]

Even when I call my kids honey, they're like, I'm not honey.

[Addie]

I was like, oh, Lori's gonna take too much credit if we do it. The Always Honeys.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, we can keep it homies, but I need to start.

[Addie]

Does anyone have another H name we could try.

[Rachel]

We could go back to the Workshop with this. It's not like there's only two.

[Abby Howard]

We can workshop it.

[Addie]

Workshop it. Leave it in the comments.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Rachel]

I really feel like you just unburdened yourself.

[Abby Howard]

I did, honestly.

[Addie]

You saw it on the Instagram and you were like, I lay my head

[Abby Howard]

on the pillow, and I'm like, how am I gonna break? Always homies so bad. But people love it, you know? I was like, but I never say it because it just feels unnatural.

[Rachel]

Oh, my God.

[Abby Howard]

These are the things that haunt me.

[Rachel]

These are the things. Man, life is hard.

[Abby Howard]

Life is just so hard.

[Rachel]

Did you have a hard this week?

[Abby Howard]

I did have a hard. Well, I should. I'll do.

[Rachel]

Okay. I'll do my.

[Abby Howard]

Harder than my hope.

[Rachel]

My heart. Is that okay?

[Abby Howard]

I had a different hope.

[Rachel]

Sorry.

[Abby Howard]

I guess I can make my hope and my heart the same thing.

[Rachel]

No, don't do that.

[Abby Howard]

Well, my heart was that I had some mom guilt yesterday. I kind of talked to you about this. I had some mom guilt last night, which is so funny that we just talked all about mom guilt. And then I went and experienced, like, felt it, and it was all the things that we talked about, like, oh, these lies in my head. I don't hold my baby enough. And, oh, gosh, I. I've just been feeling a lot of distraction during the day. Specifically yesterday, I just felt really distracted during the day, and then at night, I just felt so guilty about it. Like, I was constantly, like, know C.J. wanted to play. And my answer was always, sorry, but I got to finish this before I do that. And it's not just a worker. It was just all things, you know, house, work, getting out the door, schedule, cooking. Like, it was just everything. And I just felt, like, very distracted. I felt a lot of guilt last night, so that was kind of hard. But my hope. And this is kind of a. Or did you want to share your heart?

[Rachel]

That's okay. Go ahead.

[Abby Howard]

My hope is that last week I kind of shared that my heart was. I was. Had some health things going on behind the scenes, and I had found a lump in my breast. I think it was, like, two Sundays ago. And I waited kind of a week and a half. You gave me some sunflower lecithin. We just kind of assumed it was a clogged duct, but it wasn't going away when I was pumping and doing all those things. So I. I booked an appointment with my OB because I probably just need to go get this checked out. It's not going away. It's not changing. And she was like, I want you to go get some imaging done. And I didn't really feel that nervous about it until I went in for the appointment. And then, you know, you get there and you're kind of like, oh, this could be an appointment that kind of changes your life. You know, you start having those thoughts. And I'm really, really, like, fortunate and super blessed and grateful to say that it's nothing serious. The lump is still there. But did you know they don't really do mammograms anymore? They do, like, ultrasound imaging. Yeah, they still have mammograms, but I did ultrasound imaging. It was really easy, painless. But they didn't see it on the ultrasound, which I was confused about because you can feel it. And two of different people went and scanned it, and they're like, we just. Just see breast tissue. So I don't know what it is. Maybe it is just like a hormonal cyst or something. But they said I don't have to worry about it and just to keep an eye on it.

[Addie]

If they did a mammogram too, they probably wouldn't see it either then.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I don't think so, because I don't think the mammograms. I could be wrong about this, but the ultrasound imaging is, like, better, apparently.

[Rachel]

Interesting.

[Abby Howard]

And I showed them exactly where it was, and they put the thing right on it. And I can feel the lump on the top. Like, it's close to the skin, so it's not like they would have to go far to find it. And. Yeah. So I don't know. That was, like, good news. I felt very relieved after that appointment.

[Rachel]

Is this an inappropriate time to tell the story about my armpit?

[Abby Howard]

No, you should tell it.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Because this was the first time I had experienced anything like that. But I know that you had gone through something similar.

[Rachel]

Yes. When I was pregnant with my first, I had specifically in my left armpit. Like, it's funny to talk about. It's not funny.

[Abby Howard]

I know why it's funny.

[Rachel]

It's just so humbling. So, anyway, so this is. Let's just first start with the moral of the story.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

If you are concerned about something, you

[Abby Howard]

need to go get it looked, go get it checked. Yeah.

[Rachel]

Especially as a female, Especially with, like, breasts, but anything but that. Just. Just get it taken care of. Obviously, this was easy for me because I was already having routine OB appointments, and I was like, hey, they're like, you have any other concerns? I was like, well, my left armpit is kind of feeling like there's, like, A lump kind of big. Like, they were like, oh, let me just. Let me see. It's probably nothing. She feels it and she's like, oh, okay.

[Abby Howard]

Like, she looked a little. Not the tone change.

[Rachel]

She wasn't like, this is serious. But she was like, I do want to refer you to somebody. Like, this feels more than just like, you know, you're pregnant. The armpits get puffy, like, everything. She's like, this feels more. And especially because it's uneven. And so I go. And it was actually like a. I had to go really far, like, to. It was actually specifically like a cancer area of a hospital. And they put me in this whole robe and I'm with other patients, and I was by myself. And then that was kind of the moment too. I was like, oh, wow. Like, I hadn't. I had just gone through the motions. And it wasn't like I was going to worst case scenario or anything, but I was like, okay, this is. I'm glad we're doing this. Go in. And this guy, I'm not even kidding. He was like the same age as me, and he was a guy. He's like, okay. He has ultrasound machine. You know, probably like, which one? I'm like, it's boobing. This third one over here. And I. The problem is those gowns.

[Abby Howard]

You gotta tie it open, the whole thing.

[Rachel]

So just my left boob is out.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, right.

[Rachel]

And my left armpit. Boob is out.

[Abby Howard]

Why was it a guy?

[Rachel]

We called it the pity. So inappropriate. Anyway, so then I, like, get my armpit out, and he's like, doing the ultrasound. And then they're like, he, like, leaves no word from him. And I didn't really want to talk to him. I was like, kind of like, okay, I'm gonna just let him leave. So then I'm waiting a long time. The doctor comes in and she's like, okay. She said, there's no need to be concerned. Do you know, like, cats? Like, cats how they have nipples all up and down their body? And I'm like, you know what you're talking about. And she's like, okay. So humans are just like that. We have mammary glands all up our body, but only two are exposed, our nipples. Whoa. So milk. I had so much milk.

[Abby Howard]

This is when you were pregnant?

[Rachel]

This is when no baby had been born.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

There's no need for this much milk. Even when the baby is born. Had traveled up to my top mammary gland, which is in your armpit.

[Addie]

Wow.

[Rachel]

It's a little science lesson. I Don't have an exposed nipple there. But some people do. I know that has happened. Some people have sent me videos of this when they hear my story. I'm like, that sounds even worse in a way. It's just an armpit. There's nothing there. No way for it to come out. Which is actually downside. She's like, so what seems to have happened is that that mammary gland got filled with milk as well.

[Abby Howard]

Wow.

[Rachel]

And nothing to be alarmed about.

[Abby Howard]

Well, great news, but also weird news.

[Addie]

So did you end up pumping or what? How far along were you?

[Abby Howard]

Oh, heck no.

[Rachel]

I was terrified of that. And so I just. That was with Griffin and just sweat it out.

[Abby Howard]

What do you do?

[Rachel]

I just dealt with it, just lived with it. And it kind of was uncomfortable. And I got it with my second pregnancy, and I didn't even bring it up to the doctor. I was like, I know what this is. It's my mammary gland. It's my pity. No, but it's fine. My left side is way over. Producers. So that's the side that started leaking already. But all that to say, you know, we can't be embarrassed about these things. It's our bodies. It's being a woman. But I think the more we share about these things, we're talking about, the maybe less concern.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

So, yeah, I have also had an ultrasound at a breast area just a little north of it.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Rachel]

It's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

It is crazy.

[Rachel]

My heart is that. I just feel like. Because we keep randomly getting, like, some. I think I have a sinus infection again or something. And I think that this is kind of putting my capacity at, like, just so diminished that it's also then now affected my marriage to the sensor. I'm just like, I'm sorry, I have no compartment for you right now. Like, so then we're kind of just getting to roommate mode. It's not like we're, like, at each other's throats or anything, but I'm just like, oh, you're here. Yeah, what do you need from me? I got nothing right now. And so, like, by nighttime, he's like, do you want to, like, do something? Like, watch a show? Like, I don't know. I kind of just feel like we haven't connected in a while. I'm like, I just really want to go to bed.

[Abby Howard]

I know.

[Rachel]

So then I just keep going to bed, and I feel so lame. I'm just so tired. It's fine. Which is so ironic because I'm feeling my hope just, like, literally last week because I had so much energy. But leave it to me. Freaking sinus infection.

[Abby Howard]

You know what? That illness will bring you down.

[Rachel]

And I can't sleep. That's another thing too. Right? Anyway, that's why you're not just your

[Abby Howard]

body's just no big deal, trying to heal.

[Rachel]

It's like, that's, that's how that shows that marriage has to be so active too, because it's like, we hang out a lot, but then it's like, okay, if you don't do the like, the marriage element, like, you know, caring about like connection and like any type of intimacy, then you're just kind of like, oh, hi. I know we shared this house.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Rachel]

That's so fun.

[Abby Howard]

I know.

[Rachel]

So, so it's like it's quickly just derailed a little bit. But for sure we're gonna make that our priority for next week.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you to SeatGeek for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Rachel]

Don't you guys love a good date night? Just getting out of the house, especially as a mom, you feel house trapped

[Abby Howard]

a lot of days for sure.

[Rachel]

How are we gonna get out of here? We'll never make it a lot.

[Abby Howard]

We'll never make it a lot.

[Rachel]

But that's why I'm a huge proponent of having fun plans on the calendar. And we often use SeatGeek for those super fun plans. We just used SeatGeek recently to go to paw Patrol live with the kiddos.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, I bet they love that.

[Rachel]

Got amazing seats. It was a blast. Second year in a row, baby. It's a tradition now. If you don't know what SeatGeek is, they have over 35 million downloads. It's a number one rated ticketing app.

[Abby Howard]

There are so many artists going on tour right now. Demi Lovato, Ariana Grande, Alex Warren, and Noah Kahan, many more. Plus, the US Is hosting the world cup this year.

[Rachel]

So whether it's for a concert, upcoming comedy event, they even have music, theater tickets on their kids shows, sporting events, or more. SeatGeeks got everything. Definitely check them out. My favorite thing about SeatGeek, by the way, is that they make it really easy for users. They either have like a red light, a yellow light, or a green light based on like that seat on that specific evening at that specific event if it's a good deal or not.

[Abby Howard]

Oh yeah.

[Rachel]

I'm like, green light good, I like it red bad. It just makes it so easy.

[Abby Howard]

We love the visual component.

[Rachel]

So user friendly. Concert season is about to kick off off you guys. And to make it Even better, you can use code always here for 10 off your SeatGeek tickets. That's 10 off tickets with promo code always here.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like when you're sick and you're pregnant, it's just like an extra.

[Rachel]

Oh, I've also been peeing my pants. That could also be my hard.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, well, just be ready for the pelvic floor therapy comment.

[Rachel]

Yeah, no, save your pelvic floor therapy comments.

[Abby Howard]

We believe in it. We believe in it.

[Rachel]

And I got violated. No, I told people this story. Wait, can I actually talk about this, please?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I think. I actually think you should bring awareness

[Rachel]

to this last story. I believe in pelvic floor therapy, just not for myself. My symptoms have to be much worse than peeing myself for me to go back, because I did go, because I was referred by a friend that I really trust and love, and she had a great experience. So I was like, what better referral can you get? It's at this person's house. I didn't know that till. I'm driving. Once again, who's gonna tell me these things? I'm driving. I'm like, oh, this is a residential area. I get on this bed. Once again, public floor therapy. What are you thinking? I'm thinking physical therapy. Right? We're going to do exercises. I get on this bed.

[Abby Howard]

Is it like the bed in the house?

[Rachel]

It's like a massage bed in this other room of their house. Door shut. Her kids are home.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, okay.

[Rachel]

It was a woman. The lights are dimmed. She's, like, undressed from the waist down. I was like, wait a. I thought

[Addie]

you just said she was undressed from the window.

[Rachel]

I was like, she was fully clothed. She was clothed. She's like, I'm dressed. I'm just laying there. I'm like, okay, wait a minute.

[Abby Howard]

What are we doing here?

[Rachel]

Recalculating. What is pelvic floor therapy? Yeah, I think it's good I signed up for this.

[Abby Howard]

We should just know what it is.

[Rachel]

And I already had booked multiple sessions, really getting ahead of myself. And she put her hands on her, and there was no exercises to be had. At the end. She was like, you can do this. Stretch this thing. And I was like, I could Google that. And then I just was like, she was just, like, touching in there and, like, telling me things. And I was like, wasn't prepared for this. I wasn't prepared for this. This wasn't my. This wasn't what I wanted today. And so then I canceled the rest of my sessions, which is really hard for me. To do because I just feel so bad. And I literally was like, I don't care. This is so bad. I was like, I don't care. If you can't refund this, I just won't be coming back. And she's like, are you. Like, she wanted feedback. And then I was just kind of like, I think it's just not for me.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I. Ever since you told me that story. Because I think we just hear all the time, like, public for therapy. Public for therapy. And it is a really good thing to go do. And I know a lot of friends that need to do it and have amazing like, yo.

[Rachel]

I have so many friends that healing from it.

[Abby Howard]

But I think I always warn them now I'm like, hey, you know what it is, right?

[Rachel]

They put your finger. Their fingers in there.

[Abby Howard]

Because no one tells you that. And then you go and you're like, wait, I didn't realize this was like a whole full exam down there. And I just don't think that's clear. You think? I thought physical therapy too. I thought like, yeah, I just.

[Rachel]

She was like, one side is tighter than the other. I was like, what?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I have to get in there and examine to see if you're too tired to learn, like what your problem is therapy. And it would probably be really bad just know going in. Yeah.

[Addie]

I also got a recommendation and she did warn me. She's like, just so you know, she does it. But she's like, honestly, it's great.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. That's. My friends that have done it that I go in mentally prepared or like, yeah, perfect.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

A little prep.

[Rachel]

A prep would be very.

[Abby Howard]

Wait a minute.

[Rachel]

Is it normally at someone's house too?

[Abby Howard]

I think pens.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Like, I know people that have a practice within a gym. Like it's like a separate room in a gym. So I feel like it can kind of be wherever.

[Rachel]

I think I'm just going to let that. That happen after I'm done having kids. Or maybe I'll just pee my pants forever. Who knows? It's going to happen anyway at some point.

[Abby Howard]

Really? Did you paint your pants?

[Rachel]

Old ladies, right?

[Abby Howard]

Hey, you're like, either starts now or in 40 years.

[Rachel]

Just kidding. I'll take care of it. Just not now. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

I love that.

[Rachel]

Anyway, what's crazy happening?

[Abby Howard]

Wow, that's crazy.

[Rachel]

Wow, that's crazy. Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. I watched a documentary that I got really fired up about and I'm hearing that maybe I was a little overzealous on. It's called The Plastic detox on Netflix. And let me give you a crazy stat to tie this into. Wow, that's crazy. This is from Chat GBT, not from the documentary. Adults may ingest up to 121, 000 microplastic particles per year through food, air, and water. They've been found in everything from seafood to table salt and even in human tissues like the colon and placenta. So my dad, like, my dad is super.

[Addie]

See that stat again, real quick. The amount. How much?

[Abby Howard]

121, 000 microplastic particles per. Okay, which. What is that?

[Addie]

That's what I'm looking at.

[Abby Howard]

I have no idea what that means. It could be just a big, scary number. And it means, like, the size of your pe. So everything. When I. When I watch a documentary, I always take things with a grain of salt. But I personally felt like this was a. Was a very interesting documentary because I feel like you hear the term microplastics a lot. It's like kind of a hot buzzword, but I never really knew what it was. I'm just like, okay, yeah, I use a cutting board and the shavings get in my food, and that's bad for me. Makes sense. But I think I personally know 10 women under the age of 30 that have been diagnosed with cancer within the last three years. And I know a lot of women that have been diagnosed with different, like, autoimmune diseases and all this different stuff. And I'm like, wow, this is really crazy. And in my head, I think it's probably hundreds of different things in our environment, but I'm like, okay, what are. What are just different things that I can learn about that could potentially be. Maybe be a factor, some of these issues. So this came up on Netflix, and I thought it was a very interesting documentary. You want me to talk about a little? Explain what it is? Okay. I didn't know if I was talking too much.

[Addie]

Found the answer for you. It's about 5 to 7 grams.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, that's a really good comparison, because who knows what five to seven grams of plastic, like a credit card. Okay.

[Addie]

Is five grams.

[Abby Howard]

Okay? That's not as much as I thought it would be, honestly. I mean, it's still a lot of plastic to consume, but. Okay. So the documentary itself is an experiment. So half of the documentary is the scientist. What's her name? Susan. Sharon. It begins with an S. What's the documentary?

[Rachel]

Shauna.

[Abby Howard]

Shauna. Good memory. Shauna is a scientist, and she has this question. She says, for people that have unexplained fertility. Could a factor of this. Oh, I'm sorry. Unexplained infertility. Could a factor that lead to this maybe in their environment. And so she thought, we know that microplastics are a thing. If we do an experiment where couples together clean out their environment, get rid of harsh chemicals and microplastics in their environment, could it potentially benefit their fertility? And which I think in itself is just like a good scientific question. The whole documentary was not about that. The other half of the documentary was just talking about microplastics and different ways that it has affected many women throughout history. Recent history.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

So I felt like the documentary was hopeful. I didn't think I said the terms. It wasn't fear mongering and that was. We could talk about it. Apparently it was. There were some things. But I feel like I always take things with a grain of salt. And I didn't feel like they were super blamey and I didn't feel like it was hopeless.

[Rachel]

Totally. I would agree with that.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. And I thought that was cool. Should I keep going? I'll talk a little bit more about the results or you guys want to have. Do you have any thoughts on that?

[Rachel]

I don't have anything.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. The conclusion of the result is that 50%. So three of the six couples they followed did end up getting pregnant during this. And they tracked the men's sperm count during this. Which I actually thought it was interesting. It was male fertility and not women fertility. The men's sperm count. And yeah. They saw significant increases in male sperm count in the 90 days that they did this. Which I thought was super helpful. I'm like, okay, if we change small amounts of things in our home, we can have big improvements on our health. That's what I thought. It doesn't have to be perfect.

[Rachel]

Totally.

[Abby Howard]

She even said it's. You're not going to be perfect. And eliminating all microplastics. But even just an improvement. They saw an improvement. Right. So like that's kind of cool.

[Rachel]

I feel like it was. It's a very overwhelming thing. And they did address it. The fact of like avoiding plastic nowadays.

[Abby Howard]

It's like you can't.

[Rachel]

You literally how it's impossible.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

But like talking about changes you can make to that made a profound. It seemed to. I think the thing that really convinced me too is that the women and the men in the study their like markers now I'm. I think they were checking mostly for phthalates.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. And BPAs.

[Rachel]

They went down in. In parallel like together. So it wasn't like, it's.

[Abby Howard]

It wasn't.

[Rachel]

It's a strong correlation. Right. Like, they're. They're doing this. They're living in the same house, they're changing the same things. And so I feel like the only way to approach something like this for me, I was like, okay, like. And they did say this, like, implement one thing and then once that becomes a habit, implement one other thing. Right. And, like, slowly doing that, I'm like, okay, that feels doable.

[Abby Howard]

That feels doable, right?

[Rachel]

Yeah. What were your thoughts?

[Addie]

I remembered some of my thoughts.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, tell me.

[Addie]

I think one of the other factors that affected it is they were doing these changes to eliminate the amount of microplastics. Right. That they were consuming, which meant they weren't going out to eat. They were eating more whole foods, things that weren't stored in those containers. That is a big change in their physical health that they're. What they're consuming as in, like, food.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Rachel]

Like, you can't control just plastic.

[Addie]

You can't control just the plastics. And so that's where we were a little more hesitant of the. Like, I'm.

[Rachel]

Plastics are great.

[Addie]

You are eating plastic. Yeah, it is. That's what's happening.

[Rachel]

It's not.

[Addie]

You're not. I'm not saying it's not happening, but I think there were. It's really hard to control that type of an experiment. I think it was also really short. They did say the men's sperm count it or they renew theirs for seven days, and the study was only 90 days. So who knows if you did it for a full year? Maybe every year they just. Every month they jump a little bit or, you know.

[Rachel]

Or it goes back down.

[Addie]

Or it goes back down.

[Rachel]

Because it did go down. If they would have ended the study at like 30 days, that 30 day mark or the midpoint.

[Abby Howard]

Yep.

[Addie]

It went down before then, so I feel like there were a lot of things that it was. I would love to see a longer study about it, but it didn't. I also land the fact that if you're struggling with infertility, do whatever you want to try and get pregnant. Absolutely. I think it is a joy to have kids and to be pregnant, and I have no problem with them doing that.

[Rachel]

I would say tread carefully if you are struggling with infertility, like, watching it,

[Abby Howard]

because I think it is easy to kind of like, place personal blame.

[Rachel]

Personal. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Which is. Yeah. It's not very.

[Rachel]

There's not like any one factor usually that's causing these bigger things. And I Do think that they like obviously any documentary that's their focus is focusing on one thing. Like you said, you're putting a lot of things on one. But it was really interesting. And I think the part that I was mostly interested in was the environmental impact, which they didn't talk about it a ton. But it was shocking for me to be like, I think they said that 5% of the plastics that we recycle actually get recycled. And then they also made the point of recycled plastic is still plastic. So we're like, okay, great. That's still also something that we're like now more weary about reusing anyway as a material. And. Yeah. And then you're like, oh my gosh, this is such a big change because they made the point too of like unless like companies, they have to care about their bottom line and unless it's made mandatory like by our fda, then

[Abby Howard]

they're not gonna, they're not gonna be held to that responsibility.

[Rachel]

They're not gonna change just because of.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

The human health, which I kinda sad that reality.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I actually appreciate. I feel like it didn't blame like I think it's, I obviously there are a lot of issues with like big corporations, some of the things that they make choices on, like you know, something's wrong and they still do it because of a bottom line which I, I understand sometimes, like the business side of things and then the human ethical side of things too. I feel like it's hard to always toe those lines perfectly. I, I appreciate that. I didn't feel like it was super blamey where it's like I, I thought this was very interesting and that the chemists that are making these products, they said they're like, hey, we're just doing our job as a chemist. We're creating things in the lab, but we're not taught how to look at the long term effects of what we're creating. So sometimes they're creating something, they're like, this is amazing. But they don't know the long term effects of it before it gets put into use. And so there's like this ethical question of that when it comes to like chemists. But I just thought that was really like interesting, you know, I don't know, I just have never thought of that before. Yeah. And I was like, well, it's something that maybe they could change in the future.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You know, I feel like we have

[Rachel]

slowly done this as a household, like slowly made like changes as far as like my makeup and skincare, our kitchen, like food storage and utensils Like, I'm like, okay. And I'm now more inclined to, like, look at my cutting boards, look at my utensils, and think about heating things and any kind of plastic container. I think about Matt's frozen peas, man.

[Abby Howard]

I know. I started doing them in glass bowls after a girl messaged me and was like, girl, don't microwave your veggies in the bag.

[Rachel]

I talk about that a lot. Yeah. So I'm like, I'm more inclined to make these small choices. But, yeah, it is a big thing to think about.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

It's just like when they eliminated straws, like, plastic straws. When you think about it, like, there was that one thing that, like, we all latched on to, to get rid of plastic straws. And it has helped with marine litter. But, like, in the global plastic community, it's. It's really small.

[Abby Howard]

It's a small.

[Addie]

You know, but we did the same. We have glass Tupperware now. And think about the cutting boards a lot. The bigger things that you think about.

[Rachel]

Anything, you're going to get hot. Especially I'm like, that's what I'll focus on.

[Abby Howard]

I get. This is where I get sometimes stressed out as a consumer. Not stressed out, but I think there's like, this little. Little white flag that I wear is. I'm just like, hey, anything that I do, like, every switch I make or change, I make. I feel like 10 years from now, we're gonna find out, oh, that's not actually good. You know, like, they were even saying there's plastic lining in aluminum cans. So you're like, oh, I'm not gonna get the plastic bottle. I'll get the aluminum can. So I don't. Not drinking out of plastic. But then it's like, your cans are lined with plastic.

[Rachel]

Anything that could just move the needle a little bit.

[Abby Howard]

I know. And so I just. Sometimes I'm like, okay, we can try to make. I think it's just like. Like having the open hand. Like, I'm willing to make changes, but then also not putting so much stress or pressure on ourselves to be like, we have to be perfect or make these things. Because, honestly, we do just live in, like, a broken world. And every supply chain, like, you can.

[Rachel]

I gotta share.

[Abby Howard]

I'm gonna go down.

[Rachel]

Points that lost me. Don't touch receipts.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, I know that one. I'm like, that's. I'm gonna touch them.

[Rachel]

They're like, please throw it away. Which I'm like, fair. They're. They have a high motivator. If they think that this is going to bring them a child when they're

[Abby Howard]

part of an experiment, like, they're trying to be as diligent as possible.

[Rachel]

The other thing, too, I'm like, I feel like it'd be very, very, very difficult and overwhelming to not have. I mean, more attainable, but still very difficult to not have plastics in your clothing, but also to have them not delivered in any plastic. Right.

[Abby Howard]

So that's what I was gonna talk about. I was like, this is real crazy to me. Okay. When I worked in fashion, the supply chains are insane. And I remember, you know, it's probably

[Rachel]

in plastic a million different times.

[Abby Howard]

A million different times. And even if you as a brand is like, hey, we're going to be really ethical sourcing of our fabrics and of our. You know, we're only going to work at factories that are really good to their employees. Well, that one factory that your garments are sewed in might be doing those things. But then you have the factory that your zippers and your buttons and your fastenings are made in. You have where the fabrics are created, how the fibers are created, everything that's shipping in between. Like, all these supply chains of every single product created are so crazy. And I think it's good that companies are trying to control what they can, but I think it's like, that's a rabbit hole.

[Rachel]

I can't even.

[Abby Howard]

I know I'm like, that's where I'm almost just like, we just got to do what we personally can do and not try to, like, you know, I mean, you'll have yourself going to be brokenness in every area to drive yourself crazy. Yes. Yes. So I thought it was interesting to learn about. Yes, I thought it was interesting to watch. I think it's something I'm like, okay, I'll pay attention a little bit to this, and my hope is not in it, but I think it's, like, good to know.

[Addie]

If you're gonna watch it, watch past the first 20 minutes. I said, what is.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know how I got past it. I know.

[Rachel]

I didn't think the first 20 minutes were that he specifically.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, this is a po Donkey. Like, not a good documentary.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

But then you get through it all the Joe Rogan. I was just like, this is not gonna be. This is not gonna be an unbiased or, like, good documentary.

[Rachel]

Oh, yeah. Well, I was trying to listen. Listened to it in the car when I was driving with the kids. He was like, this generation has smaller balls and penises. And then I was like, I know that that's.

[Addie]

You didn't wait. You listened to it? You didn't watch it?

[Rachel]

I couldn't. There's.

[Addie]

She has this baby.

[Abby Howard]

That was hilarious.

[Addie]

It's a doll.

[Rachel]

She's measuring your anus.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

She's in a coffee shop with this baby.

[Abby Howard]

I thought that was hilarious.

[Addie]

I was crazy. Blake got. Kept getting caught on some of the, like, thing videos they're using are clearly AI, like, just of, like, people working in a factory or different things. And Blake was just like, go back that day. I'm like, it's a documentary at this

[Abby Howard]

point, obviously, everything has to be taken with a grain of salt. Like, even some of the studies they talk about in that documentary. I'm like, where are these peer reviewed? How are these studies? What was the sample size? Like, every study that's mentioned in anything ever, you have to be like, they could have stand. Okay. Is that a really good.

[Rachel]

In my opinion, to narrow their focus a bit more.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I could see that my biggest thing was contribute versus cause.

[Rachel]

Like, correlation versus causation.

[Addie]

And so it's like that same thing. It's like, I don't know. Like, could it contribute? Sure. But did it cause this?

[Abby Howard]

I don't know.

[Rachel]

Maybe.

[Abby Howard]

We don't know. I agree.

[Rachel]

I know that Griffin Augie tuned in for the penis. Penis and walls.

[Addie]

Well, cut this out, because I just want to say this, but Blake was like, that one guy came on screen that was, like, talking in the. In Congress or whatever, and Blake's like, he's a fraud. And, like, showed me all these clips about, like, this guy's not. Not a reputable guy.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, I don't know which guy that is.

[Addie]

So then they added him in there, and Blake's like.

[Rachel]

He's like, I already know.

[Abby Howard]

I just threw the whole thing out. I always worry about that when I talk about stuff like this. I'm like, I'm sure there was a character.

[Addie]

How do you know?

[Abby Howard]

So controversial, anyway. I'm a little crunchy, but that's it. It's okay.

[Rachel]

You're not crunchy. I feel like you're a little hypochondria.

[Abby Howard]

I'm a little. I get it from my dad. Like, my dad doesn't take any medication. He's like, it's good. You should take medication. But I won't. And that's how I am, too.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

I'm like, you should take ibuprofen. But I'm not going to. Not because I think anything of it. I'm just like, No, I just don't need it. Like I don't think it's gonna cause any harm, but at the same time I just don't want to take it. Isn't that goofy?

[Rachel]

Well, that's not exactly what I was referring to either.

[Abby Howard]

I just feel like you get a

[Rachel]

little bit worried about health stuff.

[Abby Howard]

I do. I get that from my dad. He's a big hyperchondriac.

[Rachel]

But hey, it's good. I mean, it makes me take my health a little bit more seriously.

[Abby Howard]

Come on, ladies, get it together.

[Addie]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Rachel]

Did you want to talk about be Rochella? Because now we're really just.

[Abby Howard]

Can I just say that my heart was broken into a million pieces that I wasn't there and I've never wanted to go to Coachella ever once in my life until this weekend.

[Rachel]

Quick question. Do they actually call it Beaverchella? They were calling it Beavercello because Haley

[Abby Howard]

and Justin are a little power couple at this Beavercello.

[Rachel]

Oh yeah, her road pop up.

[Abby Howard]

She had a whole like installation and then he was there and gosh, what a dream.

[Addie]

Did you see her post afterwards?

[Rachel]

Of all the.

[Addie]

Like she was. She went to all the. Not dress rehearsal. Oh, like practicing.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

His like mic check checks.

[Addie]

Yeah. And you. He's scrolling on YouTube in his set. It's all pre planned so you can see he's practicing it in it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

So I thought that was kind of cool.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I did too. Like it was really his vision.

[Addie]

Yeah, he planned it all out. Yeah, like he was being lazy. No, planned. Which is.

[Abby Howard]

I thought it was really cool because he was discovered on YouTube and so did you know what his Coachella set was?

[Rachel]

I. Matt told me he did something about YouTube.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. He literally sat on stage behind a laptop and had it casted on the screen behind him and was like pulling up his old videos and would just pull up some of his clips from his past songs and sing to him.

[Addie]

And he was telling me it was because or not someone was telling me probably tick tock catalog anymore.

[Abby Howard]

No, he doesn't.

[Addie]

And so. And so not to have to pay those people. He was streaming it on YouTube, doing karaoke to it.

[Abby Howard]

Smart. Honestly, I don't know.

[Addie]

That might not be real, but yeah,

[Abby Howard]

there's a whole conspiracy theory behind that which I don't know if it's true, but there is one. But he did sell it a couple years ago.

[Rachel]

Feels so out of it.

[Abby Howard]

I know. I really keep up my Bieber news. Sorry ladies.

[Addie]

No, I loved it. I was watching all the Clips afterwards. I thought it was so cool, him singing all the old.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I know, it was amazing. I wish I'd stayed up and watched it live on YouTube. I didn't know that was a thing. So, yeah, I was a little sad about that. I tried finding it for a good long while. Copywritten. And no one had it copywritten, which seems like incredible feat that happened. I know. I was really trying to pirate it.

[Addie]

Is he only doing one weekend?

[Abby Howard]

No, two.

[Addie]

So he's doing this weekend too?

[Abby Howard]

I think so.

[Addie]

Okay, cool then step.

[Rachel]

I gotta be honest. Nothing sounds worse to me than going to coach.

[Abby Howard]

I know, but I wanted to go to this one.

[Addie]

It's not something you could just like, stop.

[Rachel]

Don't like camping and concerts.

[Abby Howard]

No, no, you don't have to camp, Abby. The influencers aren't camping. Please, Abby, you and I'd be sitting in a branded house.

[Addie]

Please.

[Rachel]

Coachella has never called.

[Addie]

It's the brand.

[Abby Howard]

It's a brand.

[Rachel]

First of all, what the heck would I wear to that?

[Abby Howard]

Hopefully they get the Abby Howard's mixed up and they invite me instead. If you don't want to go, just.

[Addie]

Am I always here?

[Rachel]

We'll come.

[Abby Howard]

We'll come to Coachella.

[Addie]

We'll do a live podcast.

[Abby Howard]

What do you you wear? That's a good question. Not much.

[Rachel]

I think spider swimsuit or.

[Addie]

It's like fairy goddess. Is what.

[Abby Howard]

What I kept hearing.

[Rachel]

Thank you to Cozy Earth for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Abby Howard]

Did you know Mother's Day is coming up?

[Rachel]

Oh, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Can I tell you something that you need to put on your list? The cozy Earth robe, the luxe robe and their slippers. I have been living in my robe and slippers. It's soft, it's luxurious. The quality is unbelievable. It is beautiful. Their robes are designed for quiet downtime and everyday comfort at home. They are available in plush and quilted, waffle and stretch knit styles. I have the plush.

[Rachel]

I have the plush too.

[Abby Howard]

So dreamy.

[Rachel]

This robe is heavy, you guys, in the best way. Yeah. And when I think about what moms want, honestly, it's like some of these like daily luxuries that just make your just your life feel so much more elevated. It's a great Mother's Day gift, like Abby was saying. And the slippers have supportive footbeds designed for all day comfort and are made of breathable materials.

[Abby Howard]

They offer a 100 night sleep trial. So try them for yourself. Thoughtfully made for the women who give comfort all day with softness that feels like care in return and becomes something she'll reach for again and again and

[Rachel]

again, made with the same quiet devotion she gives everyone else and backed by a warranty that reflects it. Because the comfort she deserves should last just as long as her love does.

[Abby Howard]

Let this Mother's Day be a reminder that she deserves care, too. Discover how Cozy Earth turns everyday routines into moments of softness and ease. Head to cozyearth.com and use our code Abby for an example. Exclusive 20% off. And if you see a post purchase survey, please be sure to mention you heard about Cozy Earth right here from always here. That's Code Abby for an exclusive 20 off. Because home starts with mom. Speaking of Coachella, I bet there were a lot of red flags at Coachella.

[Rachel]

That was so smooth.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you. Thank you so much.

[Rachel]

Today we were talking about red flags, if you didn't catch that drift. So we're talking about dating red flags, mostly. We'll also be a little. What's the word?

[Abby Howard]

We'll be self aware.

[Rachel]

Self aware. Our own personal red flags.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

That our husbands just had to get over.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

And also some about friendships, too, because we know we have people in all stages of life, and also, they're always. You always want to have friends?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, we do. We want friends, and we want friends that aren't big question marks.

[Rachel]

Big question marks.

[Abby Howard]

Big red flags.

[Rachel]

We also, we polled you guys on our Instagram. If you don't follow us there, it's always here. Your podcast, Instagram. We were just curious about your personal red flags, because I feel like whenever I hear, like, sometimes I just need something to spark me and then other people, I'm like, oh, that's so true. And so you guys came up with some really good ones.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Have you guys seen that game where it's like, he's a 10, but that's what we're doing.

[Rachel]

Yep.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. Abby. He's a 10, but he has more than one ex wife. That's a red flag. That's a red flag.

[Addie]

Are you guys gonna rate him?

[Abby Howard]

He's a five. I think that's a big yellow flag. That's.

[Rachel]

Yeah, that's. That's actually a red flag, probably.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, so four.

[Rachel]

More than one.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, you're right.

[Rachel]

Like, you could have one crazy thing happen. That's the thing for two. Two is a pattern. Okay, you're right. There's a common thread.

[Abby Howard]

He's immediately a three.

[Rachel]

Here's a common thread there.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. I will just preface this by everyone saying I am an optimist, and I give people the benefit of the doubt. Okay. He's a 10.

[Rachel]

You would never date someone that had two ex wives.

[Addie]

You'd warn me.

[Abby Howard]

You're right, I wouldn't.

[Rachel]

Okay, either one fine, decent guy. He sounds like a keeper.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, he's a 10, but he speaks disrespectfully to his family. That's a two.

[Rachel]

No, no, no. He's a 10, but it's unclear what he wants.

[Abby Howard]

Yes, that's a six.

[Rachel]

Clear. Kind. Clear is kindness.

[Abby Howard]

Clarity is kind. There you go.

[Rachel]

We don't like mean guys.

[Abby Howard]

We don't like that.

[Rachel]

No, I always say that. That was like one of my favorite things about Matt, even in high school. He was like, I want to take you on a date. I was like, thanks for calling this a date because I feel like I was spiraling sometimes. Like, I remember, obviously I can't speak for like a long dating experience, but like, if guys were like, let's hang. Or like, would text me. Hey, all the time I'm like, oh, I'm just so curious, like, what this means, like, and so I feel like that's very kind.

[Abby Howard]

I was really impressed. My little sister went on a date recently and he said, hey, I'm going to pay for this date. So, you know, don't worry about that. At the end beforehand, I was like, oh, I really like him. That's so clear. He didn't leave any room for confusion or awkwardness. At the end. Like, he was like, I'm going to pay for the date. Okay. He's a 10, but he has no work ethic. That's a bad one. That was one of my two. That's. Yeah, that's a red flag.

[Rachel]

He's a 10 but has dirty nails.

[Abby Howard]

You know what, I think he could still be a 10 because my husband has very dirty nails from work.

[Rachel]

He is a 10, but he cries more than I do.

[Abby Howard]

I think that's, I think that's. I think that's fine.

[Rachel]

Just depending on what type of person you are, you know.

[Abby Howard]

He's a 10. My dad cries more than my mom.

[Rachel]

Same with our in laws.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Sensitive, sweet, sweet soul.

[Rachel]

If I were to date someone that cried more than I did, maybe we were tiptoeing on a lesser.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that's true. We don't cry. My mom doesn't cry ever. She loves something to do.

[Rachel]

Can't have two of them at least.

[Abby Howard]

That's right. That's right. He's a Ted. But he won't let you meet his family.

[Rachel]

I would just have questions. I mean, it's not always, but if you're a family is like, you can't always base him based on their family.

[Abby Howard]

Well, I was thinking more so, like, he doesn't like you.

[Rachel]

Oh, I didn't think of that.

[Abby Howard]

So I think you got a lot of questions there.

[Rachel]

Got a lot of questions. Yeah, he's a 10, but is scared of his mom.

[Abby Howard]

H. Relatable. But, yeah, maybe he needs to man up a little bit.

[Rachel]

He's a 10, but talks trash about his exes.

[Abby Howard]

Bad Rob.

[Rachel]

Talking about your exes at all. It's just kind of like.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I think it's okay to ask questions like, why didn't it work? But then if they're like, because she was crazy. If a man says your ex is crazy. Crazy, he's crazy.

[Rachel]

You're the problem. He's the problem. Crazy. He's a Tim, but doesn't wash his hands before cooking a meal at someone else's house. Piper, I feel like this is personal.

[Abby Howard]

Very specific, piper. He's a 10, but he only has friends that are girls. Yeah, I don't know if I'd love that.

[Rachel]

Sorry, I got lost.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Rachel]

What were you reading? I mean, Matt had a lot of friends that were girls, so I don't really know if that's a red flag for me.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe yellow.

[Rachel]

Yellow. Let's. Yeah, he's a 10, but plays video games.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know. I think there's a lot of degrees of variety there. Yeah, video games all day. I don't know about that one.

[Addie]

Ooh.

[Abby Howard]

Likes to dazzle in the. In the video game.

[Rachel]

If he chooses to play video games when he's around you.

[Abby Howard]

Out.

[Rachel]

No, no, no. You can play with your guy friends. Yeah, or when I'm not there.

[Abby Howard]

Or if you need downtime, alone time. But if it's, like, all day and he's being lazy. We don't like lazy craziness. He's a 10, but he's emotionally immature. Then I don't think he's a 10.

[Rachel]

Yeah, yeah, he's a 10, but none of your friends or family like him.

[Abby Howard]

Run.

[Rachel]

Yeah, let's be. Let's consider that he's a 10, but

[Abby Howard]

he is mean to his mom. I mean, just get out. Get out while you can.

[Rachel]

As a mom of three boys soon to be. By the way, I'm having a boy. If you're having. This will be out. Right. Another anecdote. Oh, my gosh.

[Abby Howard]

I was like.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Rachel]

Sorry. Hey, I feel bad. I feel like I unintentionally misled our audience.

[Abby Howard]

Why? Because you get the gender reveals Video.

[Rachel]

The old wives thing. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

It's a girl.

[Rachel]

It's the same thing about girls. But also, I had the same pregnancy symptoms for all four of my pregnancies, one of which was a girl.

[Abby Howard]

Same symptoms.

[Rachel]

So I don't believe in old wives tales.

[Abby Howard]

Listen, I believe them.

[Rachel]

You do?

[Abby Howard]

Just kidding.

[Rachel]

Well, congratulations. Thank you. I'm gonna be really defensive of the Bo boys or the boys that are mean to their moms.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, we're gonna. We're gonna cut that out.

[Addie]

How do you guys. Do you think the thing of being, like, how your. Is there any correlation to how your husband, like, treats their mom or, like, how your boyfriend treats your mom is how they treat you?

[Abby Howard]

I think that's true.

[Addie]

You think I'm like, blake messes with his mom, but he also messes with me.

[Abby Howard]

So. So there you go.

[Addie]

What do you think about.

[Rachel]

How's that?

[Addie]

He's way different with you.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Matt treats his mom well.

[Rachel]

Yeah, but I. He doesn't treat me the same as his mom.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, not in a romantic way.

[Addie]

No, no.

[Rachel]

Even just the way that he interacts is completely different. You think?

[Abby Howard]

I think Matt's really respectful to his mom.

[Rachel]

I'm not talking about respect. I mean, I think he's very respectful.

[Addie]

I think this has to do with.

[Abby Howard]

What are we talking about?

[Rachel]

That's what I think it.

[Addie]

Respect.

[Rachel]

I think she's. Oh, I thought you were talking about, like, I. Blake. That's how he respects his mom.

[Abby Howard]

Well, no, they don't get. Like, they're like, Caleb and Matt aren't mean to their parents. They're, like, impatient or snippy or, like, short with them.

[Rachel]

Oh, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I think those are the things that you'd be looking for. How do they treat their mom? Like, are they annoyed by their mom? Does their mom is. Yeah. Are they just impatient with her? Yeah, because it's the person that they've lived with the longest and has, like, sir, like, I think not to make a parallel to your mother in marriage, but it's the same thing. Like, you're gonna be taking care of each other in marriage, and the mom took care of you. And so if they're mean to your mom. Their mom.

[Rachel]

Totally.

[Abby Howard]

You know what I mean?

[Rachel]

I didn't take it the same way.

[Abby Howard]

Got it.

[Rachel]

Got confused.

[Addie]

I would hope she wouldn't treat you exactly the same.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that would be a little weird.

[Addie]

That'd be a little.

[Abby Howard]

So many questions.

[Addie]

Sorry. Continue.

[Abby Howard]

He's a 10, but says if we ever break up, it's going to be you breaking up. With me because I'll never break up with you. I actually, I think that's really comforting.

[Rachel]

Why is that a red flag?

[Abby Howard]

I don't know. Maybe like a love bombing. Like a obsessive.

[Rachel]

I don't think that doesn't feel like too much.

[Abby Howard]

No, I would say he's committed.

[Rachel]

He's a 10, but he told me he was soul tied to four women when we first started dating.

[Addie]

That's a zero.

[Rachel]

You gotta run.

[Abby Howard]

I'm sorry, but anyone who uses the term soul tied, you gotta run.

[Rachel]

What does that mean? I don't know how I've reacted person.

[Abby Howard]

And you go, huh?

[Rachel]

I was like, that's beautiful. Bye.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, I love that for you. Out.

[Rachel]

He's a 10, but is always on his phone.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, it's hard one.

[Rachel]

He's a 10, but was still in high school at 21. Oh.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, you know what?

[Rachel]

That's sad.

[Abby Howard]

I don't think we should laugh at that one. I think maybe he needed help.

[Rachel]

He needed.

[Abby Howard]

That's three extra years of high school.

[Rachel]

I've never known that.

[Addie]

You need more information.

[Abby Howard]

I need a lot more information on that one.

[Rachel]

He's afraid to react.

[Abby Howard]

That could be like, I don't know. He's a 10, but has felony charges.

[Rachel]

There's plenty of fish.

[Abby Howard]

Forgiveness. Oh,

[Rachel]

There's plenty of fish in the sea. You're picking someone to spend the rest of your life.

[Abby Howard]

A true, honest life. Change.

[Addie]

But you can get a felony from, like, speeding.

[Rachel]

Right?

[Abby Howard]

That's one of my red flags. Speeding.

[Addie]

Speeding or a felony.

[Abby Howard]

Reckless driving.

[Addie]

Reckless.

[Rachel]

Oh, there's forgiveness. There's plenty of fishness. Okay. Can I say something truly honest, though? Yeah. I do feel like.

[Abby Howard]

Is he a crazy?

[Rachel]

You guys, there's a. This is actually. I'm taking it. I know. I just wheezed for about five minutes.

[Abby Howard]

Take it serious.

[Rachel]

I'm taking it serious for a lot. I do think. I think a lot of what you're willing to put up with in a romantic relationship reveals how you view yourself.

[Abby Howard]

It's true.

[Rachel]

And so that's where I'm coming from. Kind of in this Abby has winged eyeliner now.

[Abby Howard]

Uh. Oh.

[Rachel]

So that's why I take it kind of seriously, though, because I'm like, yeah, you deserve better. Here I am, like, I feel like I view myself highly.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

And I think people should view themselves highly and also be someone worthy of being viewed highly. I'm not just saying have your ego through the roof.

[Abby Howard]

No.

[Rachel]

But I mean, yeah, you can have high standards. Yeah. And I'm not saying you can't be friends with these people or think they're great, but you're deciding to commit your life with these people. Like, this is not. This is not light.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

So sorry if I seem judgmental.

[Abby Howard]

No.

[Rachel]

But I do think girls are just also naturally more inclined to just lower their standards. Lower their standards.

[Abby Howard]

Yes, they are.

[Rachel]

And it's like, like, let's, let's. Let's keep them high.

[Abby Howard]

I've a pastor once said, and I love this, it was, don't shorten your. Don't shorten your standards, but lengthen your patience. Yeah. And I'm like, that's really good.

[Rachel]

Don't explain that.

[Abby Howard]

Don't. Don't lower your standards, but lengthen your patience. Don't like, compromise your standards just because you want to feel loved or like desire relationship or marriage.

[Rachel]

Yes. Yes.

[Abby Howard]

Lengthen your patience. Yeah.

[Rachel]

Take a little bit of loading. Exactly. Sometimes it's just so profound. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

There's a lot we disagree on that.

[Rachel]

No, you're right.

[Abby Howard]

I guess in my head I'm like, felony charges in the past. You know, people change. Maybe current felony charges too soon.

[Rachel]

Do they go away?

[Abby Howard]

Listen, I think I'm just in the church, so, like, like, you know, they could have some really good life change, but maybe heavily consider. Not just look at. Let's just say no. Okay.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

He's a 10, but you never know what he's thinking.

[Rachel]

No. Clarity is kindness. He's a 10, but he's a picky eater. Honestly, that one does kind of get me.

[Abby Howard]

Sure.

[Rachel]

It's one of those ones that's like. It's not actually. There's not. This isn't tied anything deeper, but I don't like it.

[Abby Howard]

He's a 10, but he has a foot fetish. I'm sorry. Can't get on. Can't get on board with that one.

[Rachel]

Don't live in a warm climate. There's feet everywhere out here. Or follow our podcast. He's a Tim who doesn't have any social media.

[Abby Howard]

That's a. That's a plus.

[Rachel]

That's great. Green flag.

[Abby Howard]

That's great. He's a 10, but he calls my dog ugly. I mean, maybe your dog is ugly.

[Rachel]

Yeah, that's. That could be just totally true.

[Abby Howard]

Just be honest. Doesn't mean he doesn't love your dog, but could just be ugly.

[Rachel]

Could just be ugly. He's a Tim that wears women's sandals.

[Abby Howard]

I would question that one. Why? He's a 10, but shuts down when upset. I mean, same. It's okay.

[Rachel]

Same. It's okay. That's not true for me. He's a 10, but uses ChatGPT. You know how we feel about that.

[Abby Howard]

He's a 10, but he wears jeans to bed. Ah, I don't even know what to think about that. I think he's a psychopath.

[Rachel]

That's wild. That's.

[Abby Howard]

That's just blatantly wrong.

[Addie]

Like to better for a nap. A nap is different than bed. No, I wear jeans.

[Rachel]

I wouldn't even nap.

[Abby Howard]

You fall asleep in your jeans? Yeah.

[Addie]

Like if I were like something to church on Sunday, like wore jeans and then come home and take your pants.

[Rachel]

Take them off.

[Addie]

I just don't. I just. Blake gets mad at me. He's like, take them off. I'm like, no, because I don't want to put them back on.

[Abby Howard]

Would you just put on more comfortable pants?

[Addie]

Comfortable jeans, sure.

[Abby Howard]

I've never heard of such a thing.

[Rachel]

Like to get in bed with any clothes that have been outside.

[Abby Howard]

Well, he's ocd.

[Addie]

There are those people. Outside clothes, inside clothes.

[Rachel]

When I'm pregnant, I was eating and the first time I started eating crackers in bed and he was like, really put off by it. I will throw up if I don't. He's like, there's just gonna get crumbs in here.

[Abby Howard]

I get Blake's kinda like that too. The crumbs are uncomfy. Last one. He's a 10, but he has a velcro wallet. I mean, it's practical. Just practical.

[Rachel]

What if I had a duct tape wallet?

[Abby Howard]

Remember that?

[Addie]

People saw that school.

[Rachel]

12 years old. I purchased one at recess.

[Abby Howard]

I thought they were the coolest thing ever.

[Rachel]

Zebra print duct tape, baby. Now that is niche. That's niche. I think it's a green flag.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Rachel]

You know what I hear all the time? This concept of an everything shower.

[Addie]

Right?

[Rachel]

And I here to promote an everything bath.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, one of it.

[Rachel]

It's so much better. I only shower for utility, but I bathe for just a whole self care ritual.

[Abby Howard]

It's an experience.

[Rachel]

And I personally enjoy having really freshly soft shaved legs. But shaving, that's always felt more like a chore than self care. But why? Because women's razors are cheap and flimsy, irritate your skin. They can leave redness or burns from shaving. It could be a whole nightmare. That doesn't feel like self care.

[Abby Howard]

The women who helped build Harry's found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking men's Razors and making them pink.

[Rachel]

You don't need them.

[Abby Howard]

You don't need them shrunk. So they decided to shake things up. Flamingo has no pink tax pricing, no flimsy design, and no irritation. Flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind.

[Rachel]

Their starter set is great. It has everything you could need. Whether it's time for an everything shop shower or everything bath, or even if you just need to shape up your brow line, they've got a razor for you.

[Abby Howard]

For a limited time, our listeners can get the Flamingo starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com Abby. This set includes the Flamingo Original Razor, 1.5 blade cartridge, a 1 ounce foaming shave gel, and a shower holder.

[Rachel]

Just head to shopflamingo.com Abby A B-Y to claim this offer and after your purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please, please, please support our show and tell them that we sent you. Okay, let's just be honest with you. These are our red flags that our husbands just put up with on the daily probably. I asked Matt and he thought he was being trapped. What? He's like, I'm not gonna answer this.

[Abby Howard]

Like, sorry, can't do that.

[Rachel]

I'm like, no, Matt, it's just for fun. Like, just tell me. And he's like, no. He, like, wasn't even giving me any feedback and I finally squeezed two out of him. I was like, like, these were good.

[Abby Howard]

What were they?

[Rachel]

And they're true. Hanger. She's a 10, but she's anger. If I get.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, you get hangry.

[Rachel]

Hey, get hangry.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, sure, sure, sure.

[Rachel]

Yeah, I'm like.

[Abby Howard]

She said.

[Rachel]

I. I always tell him, I'm like, my blood sugar.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, I'm gonna be so I'm gonna tell you something funny. When we visited you guys in Hawaii and we stayed with you, you would be like, matt, I'm hungry. And he would pull over so fast at such inconvenient times to get you food. And I'm like, what is going on?

[Rachel]

Scared that that stood out to you.

[Abby Howard]

That makes. Because I was like, we're like going some, you know, like, it was a little inconvenient, but if you said you were hungry, he would do anything to the end or to get you food. And maybe that's what he's like.

[Rachel]

He's like, I'm afraid of her when she's hungry.

[Abby Howard]

Like, Matt, I need to eat right now.

[Rachel]

Okay, you know what I think I've learned because now I Pack snacks everywhere. So maybe now Matt doesn't have to detour.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. That was, like, a phase. I feel, like, so funny.

[Rachel]

That's scary.

[Abby Howard]

I just remember I was like, wow, this is, like, such a weird time to go get. Okay, we're gonna pause. We're gonna pull over.

[Rachel]

Everybody change your plans. Abby's hungry.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I was gonna like that.

[Rachel]

Everybody pause the diva.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, it was funny. I mean, we all got food, so it worked out, but just goofy. Okay.

[Rachel]

Three meals a day.

[Abby Howard]

This one Caleb always brings up. And I. I'm like, this is so dumb, because this is not a big deal at all. But he thinks that it's very odd. When I brush my teeth, I take my toothbrush and I wipe it dry on a hand towel, and it really freaks him out. You think that's weird?

[Rachel]

You put that thing in your mouth?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Do you dry the bristles?

[Rachel]

Who all uses this hand towel?

[Abby Howard]

Actually, I use my body towel. My shower towel.

[Rachel]

Abigail. I take it. I go.

[Abby Howard]

I just kind of get the wetness off. And then I pull apart my electric toothbrush and I set it on the thing and it's dry. Caleb says that's my serial killer trait.

[Rachel]

That's not good.

[Addie]

That is a serial killer trait.

[Abby Howard]

I just like it to be dry.

[Rachel]

Are you gonna switch toothbrushes now that you've listened to the plastic detox?

[Abby Howard]

Oh, no.

[Rachel]

What's the other option? Horse mane.

[Abby Howard]

Right. I will be scrubbing my teeth with

[Rachel]

plastic bristles anyway, and I will be

[Abby Howard]

drying it off on my towel.

[Rachel]

That was so neat. Breathe. I hate that so much. I hate that, but I'm gonna be

[Abby Howard]

sad when it's gone.

[Rachel]

Breathe. Breathe.

[Abby Howard]

I think you're gonna pass out.

[Rachel]

No. So bad. Okay, this is another one that Matt gave me related to getting moody. Moody when tired or don't get to go to the gym.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, that's just real life.

[Rachel]

I'm sorry, guys.

[Abby Howard]

I get moody, too.

[Rachel]

I was like, matt, you're giving me such general ones. He's like, I am not giving you any more. He thought I was, like, trying to start a fight. So, I mean, gosh, apparently I'm combative.

[Abby Howard]

This is another one well killed. Did give me this one, but I know he would say, I fold my laundry inside out. I don't care.

[Rachel]

That's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

I'm putting my T shirt. I'm not. If you want your laundry folded the right way out, make it the right way out. When you put in the basket. You're telling me I have to wash.

[Addie]

You put them on Hangers. Inside out.

[Abby Howard]

I do everything. Yeah. If it's inside out, it's staying inside out. And you can change it when you put it on.

[Rachel]

See, maybe the reason is selfish. I think you're more type B than your husband. Yes, but Matt is more type B than me, so that's a scary.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, scary stuff. He opens his drawer and he's terrified. He's like, what?

[Rachel]

Sure.

[Abby Howard]

Is that.

[Rachel]

No. Here's my advice for someone that's living with someone that's more type B than them.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Section off the areas that you're just not gonna.

[Abby Howard]

They're gonna bother you.

[Rachel]

They're. No, that. You're just like, that's not my territory.

[Abby Howard]

Oh.

[Rachel]

And so that's our couch in our office.

[Addie]

Oh.

[Rachel]

Not my territory. And look what happened to it. That's Matt's half of the closet. Not my territory. Matt's half of the bathroom. Yeah. Not my territory. And so. But the lower level is my territory, and that's where I'm like, the couch.

[Addie]

How. What. How did that happen?

[Rachel]

I don't.

[Abby Howard]

I haven't seen it. Can I make it? Make a field trip?

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Addie]

Did he clear off the counter?

[Rachel]

Yep.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, listen. As a type person.

[Rachel]

A whole mess.

[Abby Howard]

As a type B person that keeps a very tidy house, I need. I need, like, a couple spaces that are just chaos. Like, I need a couple spaces where I can just be free to be me.

[Addie]

I. I think it was that bad. And then it just. Just somehow he moved everything else that was in his.

[Rachel]

It just keeps growing. I mean, just fungus.

[Abby Howard]

Don't open my drawers and don't throw at my nightstand.

[Addie]

Oh, my nightstand is.

[Abby Howard]

You're right.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You just need a space.

[Addie]

Blake also won't tell me what my red flags are. And he also just said, are you recording?

[Abby Howard]

My mom said, I. I commit to too much. I was like, Well, I don't ever. Like, I feel like I follow through to the detriment of my health.

[Rachel]

Text my mom. I'm curious what she's gonna say.

[Abby Howard]

My red flag.

[Addie]

Okay. I was a picky eater.

[Rachel]

Oh, yeah. You're. You're not that.

[Addie]

I mean, you're not picky anymore, or is that it? Here's the thing. Is it a red flag that Blake and Abby or and Lori are all very sensitive to noises?

[Rachel]

So is Abigail.

[Abby Howard]

So am I. Oh, you. Yeah, I am as well.

[Addie]

I think that's a red flag on you guys.

[Abby Howard]

No, it's called misophonia, and everyone should be.

[Rachel]

I literally tell Matt. I'm like, you have adhd I have misophonia.

[Addie]

Blake looks at me. Blake just goes. And I'm like, what did I do?

[Abby Howard]

It gets to the point where it's just the eyes, you know, I look at killer. I'm like, yep, you're doing it.

[Addie]

What am I doing?

[Rachel]

One time, for a New Year's resolution, I gave up telling Matt about his chewing and it didn't last at night, but I did get a couple months in.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, that's actually really impressive.

[Rachel]

So much self control.

[Abby Howard]

It is.

[Rachel]

But then it just came flooding back.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. It happened so fast and with a boiling rage.

[Rachel]

Okay. Actually, right now I'm marking it. I'm not gonna comment on Matt's eating and see how long I. I can go check it out.

[Abby Howard]

You want me to comment on it when he's doing it?

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. Oh, my last one. And we get to a point where I just give him a look.

[Rachel]

Matt, you do. You told our mother in law one time and I was like, that's.

[Abby Howard]

Well, sorry. I just like, I can't help it.

[Rachel]

You. I remember both times. I was like, I'm so surprised.

[Abby Howard]

It's like I was going to combust.

[Addie]

Blake won't do it to other people, but he'll tell me.

[Abby Howard]

He's like, like, one time, I almost. I failed the test in college one time because the person behind me was chewing gum and I couldn't like, read my questions on my test.

[Rachel]

You could read.

[Abby Howard]

And my girl, my roommate, was like, maybe you should get extra time because you have a problem.

[Rachel]

You get an IEP for misophonia.

[Abby Howard]

Let's do it. Oh, my gosh. Yeah.

[Rachel]

Come on, write it up.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. My last red flag is that I do the silent treatment. Oh. But I came. I had a really good self awareness and why so.

[Rachel]

Well, okay, this is my toxic traits. I think it would be an improvement if I did the silent treatment.

[Abby Howard]

We need to meet in the middle.

[Rachel]

I'm more of like, Let me tell you something.

[Abby Howard]

I'm like, I'm not talking a word until you're ready to talk about what I'm mad about. You won't get a happy go, lucky chirp out of me until we resolve this.

[Rachel]

I want to work on that. I'm going to try to instate some silent treatment.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Rachel]

Okay. Well, let's talk about the friendship. Yes.

[Abby Howard]

Red flags. Yes. We're gonna be a little more serious now because I think it's funny that we're talking about a little bit about dating red flags and stuff. But, you know, we feel like we See a lot that you feel like we're your big sisters. And, you know, I think we had experience under our belts of ways that we can maybe some wisdom that we can apart on people when, you know, they just have questions about friendship and marriage and dating.

[Rachel]

Sometimes I feel like I've had such good friends, like, throughout my whole life that I have not a good basis on, like, how that happened. Like, I just feel like I just got so blessed. But one thing that I have noticed, like, I'm like, if I have, like, I've never. I don't think I've ever had like a friend breakup, which I'm very grateful for. But if I have like distanced myself from people or if things have just kind of like, you know, you know, this fizzled. Fizzled out. A common one is how they talk about other people.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

So, like, if you're especially. Yeah, this can mean a lot of different things, but it's more so in the area of like, I don't know, if you're willing to talk about other people behind your back, then it's pretty clear that they're willing to talk about you behind your back. And so that just automatically opened so many questions in my mind about trust, how you're viewing. It also automatically makes me self conscious because I'm like, oh, if you're having these judgmental thoughts about somebody else, like, how are you perceiving me? And I don't like to. If any friendship makes you feel insecure, that's a red flag as well.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I also have that. My list to add on to that. Someone who like constantly dogs on their husband or their kids. Because I think just kind of going into that, it's like, you just want to be around people that have respect for people in their life. Because if they're talking about people that are closest to them about that, I'm sure, yeah, they're talking about you the same way.

[Rachel]

And they're also talking to their energy, husband and kids potentially about you. Like, it's just kind of like opening this whole.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. And I don't want to be like. I also don't want to be tempted to speak poorly about my husband or my kids. And I think naturally, when that's just part of the conversation, it can just naturally flow that way. And so I think it's more so sometimes the boundary of myself, like, I just don't want to engage in that type of conversation for my own heart's sake. And so I'm not gonna be around people that are super negative like that.

[Rachel]

That's a good one. We were actually just talking to someone this morning who said that she was told. I was told this too. Like, it's not gossiping. If it's. If it's true,

[Abby Howard]

why'd you hear that one?

[Rachel]

If someone's ever told you that and you believed that, is gossip only a lie? That one, that's not. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You only think gossip. Right.

[Rachel]

That's not actually how it works. Works, but.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

That's good. What's another one you have?

[Abby Howard]

I think it's a red flag if your friend is really competitive with you.

[Rachel]

I was gonna say that one.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I just think your friendships, at least in this phase of my life, and I even think back into high school and college, I'm like, you want to be around people that are building you up and you are able to build them up too. It's not just a one way street. And if it's actually competitive within each other and it's rivalry and jealousy and bitterness and kind of catty, I just don't understand. That's just not a good. You don't have the right personality types to be together and that's okay. That your palate personalities don't mesh and maybe you just amicably go separate ways as friends.

[Rachel]

That has always been something that I've always kind of attributed to me not being a competitive person. Like, I don't define myself as competitive. Maybe other people would think differently. I don't think I'm competitive, really.

[Abby Howard]

I'm competitive about certain things, but not

[Rachel]

when people were competitive with me about even things that were like, harmless, though. I was like, I just didn't like it that much. And so it's just a personal preference thing. But I think that it also makes sense in the sense of like, I want someone I can like walk hand in hand in life with, not someone that's like, you know, we're going. I want to walk in the same direction. Like, I don't want to go against each other. That's not fun. That's not. I don't know.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Rachel]

It's not the picture of friendship that I have.

[Abby Howard]

Yep.

[Rachel]

Another. Okay. So when I look at my friendship, my friendships, there's a very common theme among all the women that I'm like the closest with. And I just think that they just embody contentment in their life. And I just think that that is such a good. Like, no matter if there's things in their life that they want to change or things that they're working on, they're honest about things that they struggle with, but there's just a. There's just a peace about them, like, a contentment about them. They're not, like, I don't know, constantly striving for. They're hardworking, but it's just hard. You can just tell when someone's heart is at peace. And I feel like that. I'm hesitant to say that. That's a red flag. If someone's not.

[Abby Howard]

It's just a yellow flag.

[Rachel]

Yeah, it's such a good. I feel like it.

[Addie]

It.

[Abby Howard]

It's a green flag. It's not a yellow flag or a red flag. It's a green flag. If you find that in friends.

[Rachel]

Yeah, that's my green flag. It's just like, someone that is just deeply content, like, and not constantly, you know, picking on, like, things that they want to change, like, their body or, like, things that they want to change or, like. And there's a healthy level of that where it's like, oh, yeah, we can talk about. I'm struggling with this, with my body. But there's just. There's just something about their identity that just feels so secure and content. And that is something that. That I benefit so much from, from the women in my life. So that is, like, my friend. Green flag to share. Like, look for that in your friendships.

[Abby Howard]

I think contentment is contagious.

[Rachel]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

If you're your friends and you're not complaining about every aspect of your life, you're gonna feel content about the things that you have too.

[Rachel]

So I guess I should just say the red flag is complaining.

[Abby Howard]

Complaining.

[Rachel]

Yeah. That's something I've, like. I've, like, walked away from things. Like, I didn't really, like, have fun. What was it? And a lot of time it's that. And I don't want anyone to think that they can't talk about those things. But I do think there is just a difference between, like, someone talking honestly about something that's just, like, not ideal in their life but has, like, a heart of contentment. And then someone that's just, like, just such a Debbie Downer. You're like, oh, man, this is a drag today.

[Abby Howard]

Totally. My last one that I had is someone who's unforgiving. And I think that's way easier in friendships. It's easier for your to be unforgiving towards your friends than it is to be unforgiving in your relationships. Like, I feel like you're always going to forgive your boyfriend or your husband, you know, like, it's much easier to forgive Those types of people. But I feel like friendships, necessarily. I think people hold to a harder standard sometimes, and they're not as forgiving in friendships. And I think that there is a real beauty and a real art and, like, letting things roll off your back when appropriate. And I think there's a beauty in art and maybe giving people the benefit of the doubt.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And I also think. Yeah. Looking for the best in others. Not always looking for, like, the. I just always get confused when people are, like. They just have. They're. Oh, they actually. They. They were planning this. Like, when people think people are, like, plotting easily behind the scenes, I'm like, I don't think that's it. I think maybe you just took it the wrong way. You know what I mean? So I think just having a forgiving heart, and obviously there's boundaries within that, but I think. Yeah, you want to be friends with people that are forgiving.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Because we're not perfect.

[Rachel]

One more thing on friendships, though, too, is that, like, I feel like there's been times in my life where I felt guilty about, like, friendships fizzling out and something like, this is something that Matt feels a lot, and I think he would share about, too. Like, he's like, just, like, hate that. That is, like, not a thing anymore. But I just have to. And, like, he'll continue to work for a friendship that is okay. Forgiveness is good and important. But then I'm like, the flip side of it, too, is, like, can you work for a friendship? I'm like, hey, when they've showed you who they are, believe them. Like, if they're. If this is something that they've done, like, it's like, it's okay. We don't have to hate them.

[Abby Howard]

No.

[Rachel]

We can only wish the best for them. But also, we're gonna believe them that this is, like, who they are. Like, this is, like. Or this is something that happened. We don't need to continue to subject ourselves to this type of thing. Right.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, for sure.

[Rachel]

And I'm not referring to anything in specific, but I feel like that's something I have to remind Matt while I'm, like, if they show you who they are, believe them totally, and we'll just move on. We don't have to. It's totally fine.

[Abby Howard]

Totally. No, I agree. For sure. I agree.

[Rachel]

There's an art, too, of knowing, like, when to, like, just. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

When to just let it be.

[Rachel]

Let it be.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I think, too, when it comes to friendship, that's life. You just don't always have to make it like a big old thing.

[Rachel]

No.

[Abby Howard]

I don't have to, like, send them a long text. Being like, this is why I don't want to be your friend anymore. We can just kind of let him be.

[Rachel]

Just let it be. Let it be.

[Abby Howard]

You know what I mean?

[Rachel]

And then we can also just assume there's probably something about me that didn't click for you. Right?

[Abby Howard]

It's okay. It's okay.

[Rachel]

Okay. Now moving on to dating. Red slash green flags.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. I only did red.

[Rachel]

Did you red. Sorry, sorry.

[Abby Howard]

We did talk about green plugs at our meeting, but I did not plan any negatives.

[Rachel]

Everything. The opposite of the green flag is the opposite. Okay, let's assume that.

[Abby Howard]

Let's just do that.

[Rachel]

I always say kind. That's always a green flag.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Kind guy. We only want nice guys.

[Abby Howard]

We want ambitious with a balanced head on their shoulders.

[Rachel]

J go.

[Abby Howard]

So weighted. Okay. My first dating red flag. When a guy tells you exactly what you want to hear.

[Rachel]

Oh.

[Abby Howard]

Like, if a guy is just fluffing you up.

[Rachel]

Oh, that's a good one.

[Abby Howard]

And it's. You're relatively new into dating and they're just telling you everything you want to hear. I just think that's a red flag.

[Rachel]

That's a good one.

[Abby Howard]

Because that's a temptation, and I think it's easier. But then you're getting your hopes up.

[Rachel]

Or if they agree with you, like, on everything, too.

[Abby Howard]

Everything. I'm like, I need you to be a little. I need you to be honest.

[Rachel]

Honest.

[Abby Howard]

Have a little pushback. I want to know who you actually are. And also, like, we don't need to be. I think when they tell you everything you want to hear or love bomb you or, like, super. I don't know. I just think it can. Your heart can get carried away and they're not actually showing you who they are.

[Rachel]

Yeah. You're just like, it's manipulative.

[Abby Howard]

It's manipulative.

[Rachel]

Yeah. That's a really good one.

[Abby Howard]

I saw it on Age of Attraction, and I was like, this man is just telling this girl everything she wants to hear, and he's not being honest. I know.

[Rachel]

That is a good red flag.

[Abby Howard]

It's a big red flag.

[Rachel]

My first red flag was very not serious. It's my least serious one. I said bad hygiene.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, I think I had that. I said, doesn't wash their hands. Parentheses a slob.

[Rachel]

Bad hygiene.

[Abby Howard]

So gross.

[Rachel]

Come on.

[Abby Howard]

It's an ick. Yeah. There was a tick tock of this girl who went on a date or was dating a guy For a little bit of period of time. And she went to his house, and he didn't have any hand soap. And she was like, hey, you're out of hand soap. He's like, oh, I just ran out. And the next time she went back, he didn't have hand soap. And she was like, you lied about hand soap? And she didn't. She ended it. I was like, that's crazy. It was, like, a long story.

[Rachel]

But then it's like, yeah, another problem. Lying. Right. Why are you lying about that? I just think about everything that women do for maintenance.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

I'm like, give it a shower.

[Abby Howard]

Wash your hands.

[Rachel]

Use some deodorant.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Let's put a little gel in their hair. Maybe. Like, it just. Just. I don't know. Wash your clothes.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

So many fish in the sea.

[Abby Howard]

On the flip side of that, I said a slob. Like, if you walk into a guy's apartment now. Okay, I'm gonna say there's a difference between college and, like, adult. Because I was a nasty, dirty slob in college. But I'm a very clean, clean adult. And so if you're now an adult, young adult, mid adult, older adult, and you walk into that man's house, and that man's house is nasty. Food over everywhere. Leftovers unkept. I'm not just talking, like, clothes on the floor. I'm talking nasty. Run for the hills. That's horrible.

[Rachel]

I think you can hold the same standard for college as well, by the way.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, you could, but let him mature a little bit.

[Rachel]

Matt was out here.

[Addie]

Don't ask her up late.

[Abby Howard]

Caleb's room was so clean. And one time my mom came to visit, and she was like, come on, Caleb, let's clean up Abby's room. And he was so, like, annoyed.

[Rachel]

Let's clean up.

[Abby Howard]

They cleaned my room.

[Rachel]

Matt would help me clean. Matt help me with laundry in college. It was so sweet. That's really sweet. This one's really serious. Honestly, I feel, like, judgmental saying this.

[Abby Howard]

We'll just say it. We can talk about it.

[Rachel]

But I. Okay. Any type of addiction, really.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Like, I feel like you got to take that seriously. And. And, like, obviously there's some. Yeah. Honestly, I gotta say, any type of addiction, maybe there will be someone good to date in the future. But it's, like, right now, it's like, maybe we just pump the brakes.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. If they're in the middle of an addiction, I would say, yeah, obviously, that's just. You're gonna not. I wouldn't engage in that and also if they're freshly out of it, like, you should give that person a couple seasons past their addiction. Like, that person's not always going to be a red flag, but just in that season. I think it's. Yeah, I agree.

[Rachel]

Serious one.

[Abby Howard]

That's a good one. I said relaxed. On commitment. This is so serious. Like, this is probably one of my most serious ones. If you're dating someone and they just very lackadaisical, even in the small things, like they don't want to commit to making a decision about a restaurant, they don't want to commit to plans. Plans with friends. Like, maybe they'll commit to plans with you, but with other people, maybe they don't want to commit and actually just call you their girlfriend. Maybe they don't.

[Rachel]

Job.

[Abby Howard]

Jobs are just non committal. They're all. They're bouncing around from thing to thing to thing. Like, that is just such a red flag because the foundation of a marriage is commitment. And when things get hard and everyone goes through really hard things in their marriage and hard seasons, you don't want a person that's going to be wavering on commitment. And yeah, maybe that person just needs some time to exercise the strength of committing. That's the small thing there. Because that is just. Oh, I don't. That's scary. You know, if they can't commit to the person that they love to love the most or even on like small, silly things out.

[Rachel]

That's got to be the golden rule of dating. Honestly, for my opinion. You just said it. That was so good.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Commit, commit, commit, commit.

[Rachel]

Yeah. What's it like? What's an example, Abby, of someone like, that's going on a first date that they're like, like you can tell early on, because I feel like that's one of those things that's like you could date someone for a long time and be like, oh, like, is this a pattern? Because, like, sometimes they're bigger things.

[Abby Howard]

Well, I think if they cancel the first date and they're like, hey, can we reschedule? Or they do that a couple times, that's a yellow flag to me. If they're moving times, they're changing the plans a lot. That is a red. That's a yellow flag to me where I'm like, oh, you're not making a priority. You're not. This isn't a priority. And you're not, not. You're not a man of your word.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And I think that's a big. I mean, we talk about a lot, but like, that's a really big. That's a huge thing. Your yes needs to be a yes and your no need to be a no. And if you're someone is dating you, like, you're going to be united with this person in marriage in the long run. You have to be. You have to trust what they're going to say and what they're going to do. And if you can't trust what they're going to say, they're going to flake, they're going to back out, they're going to do this or that. It's bad.

[Rachel]

That's so good, I think.

[Abby Howard]

So good in early dating, I would think, changing the plans a lot.

[Rachel]

That's really, really good. For me, this is such a general one. I feel like all mine are very general, but I have specific examples. I swear, this one, I just said mean. If they're a mean person. Now, let me tell you this specifically. Like, there's going to be conflict. And I think that if there isn't, that in itself is a red flag in a way. Now, obviously, there shouldn't be explosive conflict. There shouldn't be. Like, I'm not saying that that's what needs to happen, but you need to resolve issues together in dating long before you get engaged. Like, we need to see how you can come to a resolution together and if that's possible. Or if he's someone that's just, like, not gonna, you know, resolve things. But I'm specifically thinking, like, for me, if a guy raises their voice, that is a really big red flag, because for so many reasons, I just think being a female, like a guy yelling is so intimidating. That's an intimidation tactic. That's a power issue there of them. Like, yelling at a lady. I'm like, that is just so scary. I can say with comments, if that ever happened, that would really, really, really scare me.

[Abby Howard]

Same.

[Rachel]

And that's not okay in America. That's not safe. And then think about down the line, you're gonna have children. And I actually saw this video, and it was about fatherhood. And they surveyed a bunch of children, and they said, what is one thing you want your dad to stop doing? It's gonna make me cry. And almost all the kids say, I wish he didn't yell because there's man yelling. That is just so scary.

[Abby Howard]

It is. Yeah.

[Rachel]

And so it's like, you don't want that type of, like, bowl in your household, like, as a leader in your household too. Like, so, yeah, I say mean, but I really am specifically isolating on, like, if they're gonna raise their voice at you, I feel like it's like, I don't think there's any point in moving forward. Like, that's like a 180.

[Abby Howard]

Like, that's a good first sign because I think a lot of people like. Like, it's like, yeah, I had anchor on mine. My, like, big list too. And I was thinking about it. I'm like, well, that's a good first sign. Because I think a lot of times it's like, oh, well, then it escalated later to them punching walls or, like.

[Rachel]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

You know, running out the house angry or different, you know, being really aggressive.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And it's like, well, the first sign was that they didn't speak to you kindly in conflict, and they. They were out of control of their emotions. And I think that's. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good first sign in dating if they yell at you.

[Rachel]

Super scary.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. And just in general, like, dating should be really fun. Really? Dating should be a really fun.

[Rachel]

Yeah. It shouldn't be tumultuous.

[Abby Howard]

And you're gonna. I. I think we're both opponent. Like, proponents of date long engage short. Like, I think we've talked about that before.

[Rachel]

Yeah. I mean, for me, I don't necessarily have the same conviction on that. Okay. But just because we knew we were gonna get engaged the whole time we were dating.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

So I don't feel like there was this massive shift when we got engaged.

[Abby Howard]

Sure. Sure. Well, I guess.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

I. Caleb and I talk a lot about, like, date at least a year. Probably at least a year.

[Rachel]

And then if you start dating in high school, you need to date more than that.

[Abby Howard]

You do need to date more than I. You should probably wait a couple years. But if you're like, get your prefrontal

[Rachel]

cortex a little more.

[Abby Howard]

I think you should date at least a year, because you need to see that person through all, like, a magnitude of seasons, whether that's job seasons, even weather seasons, and just the different things that come throughout a year, because you really want to see how that person handles adversity. And you don't want to jump into something and you're like, I didn't even know they responded like this because I never dated them long enough to see that.

[Addie]

Yeah. One thing I was going to say about the. The yelling or the raising the voice or just even speaking to you unkindly in a tone, that's a different way. I think your reaction after that, being able to address that and be like, that's not appropriate the way you just spoke to me or. And seeing how they react with that and like, can do they take that kindly. And they're like, you're right, you're right. I'm really upset. But you're right that I did. I shouldn't have said that. And like, that how that conversation can go too. Because sometimes they come from a house that that's what they do. And they've never had an experience of someone being like, that's not a. That's not right. And like, giving that chance. If it's an appropriate situation, you're gonna know. If it's not.

[Abby Howard]

That's really good, Addy. Because I think too, yeah, like, there are a lot of things that I came into marriage with and dating with that were just not healthy. Healthy. But kill. Point them out to me. And then I made changes accordingly. So it's like all these things. If you see it. I feel like a lot of them warrant a conversation. And then if that's not responded to

[Rachel]

well, then I also do think that. I totally agree. And actually that's one of mine. I said not flexible. And I'll kind of go into that a little bit because we're like, it's so important to be a man of integrity. But also not flexible is red flag. So I can kind of like decipher what I mean by that. But also I will say, like, all of us are naturally just going to. To repeat a lot of what we learned. It's not your job as the girlfriend to teach your boyfriend how to be. And in fact, that's never going to be like, a healthy relationship. I think there's a place for like, hey, that's not. That's not a big thing. But it's like that they kind of have to deal with that independently, I think. I think it's a little hard to sort through some of those things in a dating relationship.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know. I feel like I. I agree with what you're saying. But also I do think the point of, like, dating and marriage is that we're making each other better. And so it's like, I, like, I don't. I wouldn't have wanted Caleb to accept just all the things how I was and not have called me to be better in different areas.

[Rachel]

Right.

[Addie]

But you're like, in a relationship to be like, if they. If. If I fix these things, then they're gonna be a good partner. Like, I. There was a boyfriend that I had that my mom was like, I'm so glad you just.

[Rachel]

I did this too. They try to be their savior.

[Addie]

Yes. I was in a relationship to try and fix him.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, sure.

[Rachel]

And I did that too. That's where I'm speaking from.

[Addie]

Yeah. And so it's less of like, I'm trying to fix them. Cause they have issues rather than we're in a relationship together building each other up to be better.

[Rachel]

Like, he had nothing to offer me.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Rachel]

Like, it was kind of like I feel. And I feel like girls are more likely to fall into this trap as well. You wanna fix em Dating a project and you're like, this is not my. It's not my diy. Who's got the time? Sure. And so it's like, yes. There's certain things. I think there's like. But then there's some certain weightier things where it's like, okay, like, you got to get well independent of.

[Abby Howard]

Sure.

[Rachel]

This is not. Yeah. And that's also why I put not flexible. I was about to say, like, resistant to counseling, but I don't think it's. This is isolated to counseling. I'm saying, like, resistant to any type of feedback and making changes.

[Abby Howard]

Teachable.

[Rachel]

Like, teachable like someone that is like, like can honestly reflect on themselves and be self aware and say, like, oh, you know what? Like, I'm not perfect. Like that. That's like a basic thing that they probably need to learn is that they have things to learn. And so on the flip side of that is like, I don't know someone that, like. I think something that really encouraged me in dating with Matt was like, he was super open to, like, having mentors, like, getting and like getting into counseling and like having inviting others into things, like, and rather than like, how dare you talk about that, like, with your friends? Like, this is like, that's like just a scary, like anyone that's willing to just, like, I don't know someone that's not flexible and so rigid in like, their view of themselves and like, how they operate. Like, that is just. That is.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

I guess that is a deeper issue of pride.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, totally. That's a good one, Abby.

[Rachel]

I agree.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I think there's something really sexy about humility and teachability. It's like, wow, that's really. It just makes you feel respected too. It's like, oh, you actually care about what I have to say and you care about me. And so you're gonna take into account the things that I have to offer or like, that other people have to offer you as a. In advice. And I think that's a really great characteristic.

[Rachel]

And then you Feel safe to also have humility yourself and, like, it's just a much more healthy environment overall.

[Abby Howard]

For sure. For sure. My last one, this is kind of like a. I mean, it's. It's a serious one, but it's also not so serious. No, it's serious, but someone who does unsafe driving to show off.

[Rachel]

Oh, wow.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. This is like a red flag. If you're driving with someone and they're driving recklessly with you in the car, they don't respect you. They don't care about your life. They have a pride issue or, like. I don't know. I. I was driving behind this motorcycle. This is a couple weeks ago. This really bugged me. And it was a guy on a motorcycle and a girl in the back, and she had a helmet on. And he didn't. No, neither of them had helmets on. So.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

He didn't supply headwear.

[Rachel]

Headwear.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. Rude. We're at a red light. He runs the red light with her on the back and zips off, like, maybe going 100 miles an hour. And all I could think about to that girl, I started praying for. I was like, that girl, he's not keeping you safe. He is not keeping you safe. He does not care about your life. He does not respect you. Yeah, and that's like, a small thing. And I. Yeah, that just really bugged me. And I was like, that is a red flag.

[Addie]

You hate those. All those little motorcycles in this.

[Abby Howard]

No, it's not motorcycle people in general. It's just these people that are really like those little.

[Addie]

The teenager boys in this

[Abby Howard]

teacher little. Teach your young sons with them e bikes. Give them girl a helmet.

[Rachel]

I do see all of them wearing a helmet.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, they do wear helmets. A lot of them.

[Addie]

They're always doing little tricks and one wheeling.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, see, that doesn't bother me because I think they're just having fun. But it's like when another person is involved. And I actually dated a guy that used to do this. I broke up with him because he drove right recklessly with me in the car. It made me feel really unsafe and uncared for. It's like, why are we driving 100 miles an hour on the highway when we're 16 years old?

[Rachel]

I always say love is consideration.

[Abby Howard]

It is. That's really good.

[Rachel]

My last one is laziness. But my specific angle on laziness is if they won't plan anything. And so I feel like this is something a lot of girls I. Okay. They put up with in dating, and then they get married and Then they're frustrated that they're not. It's not happening.

[Abby Howard]

They're not pursuing.

[Rachel]

You did this. Is this a new thing? Or, like, that's the thing you kind of have to assume when dating, whatever is going to happen, everything is gonna be amplified. The good, the bad. Like, all these things are going to be amplified. And so, I don't know. I just feel like this is such a common thing. I hear in marriage that I'm like, this could. This starts back somewhere else. But if you're always like, hey, like, what are you doing this time? Like, we could go to this. Or let's. If you're always like, the one kind of leading them along, I think especially for a girl, that's no fun. And that's not gonna get better when you get married, I just gotta tell you this first and foremost. And so I do think this is something that can change. But just early on, if they're like, kind of just. You gotta give an expectation around, and you're not gonna want that down the line. If you don't care, then you don't care. But if it's something you're gonna want down the line, be honest with yourself about that right now. Because it's one of those things where I'm like, well, did they ever do this? Was there ever a point in time? It's like, oh, there was this one date. It's one Valentine's Day at one point.

[Addie]

And it's like, well, yeah, women want to feel pursued.

[Abby Howard]

They do, yeah.

[Rachel]

For sure.

[Abby Howard]

And so that's your problems, girlies.

[Rachel]

The beginning. So, yeah, that was mine also. I just want to touch on this because I do. I want to expand on what you said earlier. I do believe that, like, dating and marriage are. You're supposed to build each other up. And I want to distinguish that from what I was, like, talking about earlier, because I was like, that I wasn't a relationship with a guy at some point. Very not serious relationship. But I feel like my mom had to give me the hard advice of, like, Abby, you can't date a project. And I feel like that is something that I was like. That taught me a lot about that thing because I. That that is different. To date someone that also is building you up in ways and changing you and bettering you. And then someone that you're just, like, constantly giving to and you're, like, trying to be like, this is. Let's do this differently.

[Abby Howard]

And, like, let's try this.

[Rachel]

And that's just a drain. And that's not that's actually not what's happening there.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

You know, that's. You both have to be keeping rising together and not just trying to bring the sky up to. To where you are.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. It's a good distinction.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Really good distinction. Ask, ask, ask. Abby.

[Rachel]

Hey, ladies.

[Abby Howard]

My name is Kia.

[Rachel]

I was wondering what your version of the Roman Empire is. For example, mine would be the Lacy Peterson case. I do not think her husband did it, but I would hear your guesses. Love the podcast. Bye. I'm not familiar with that case.

[Abby Howard]

I'm not familiar with that case either. I'm surprised you guys aren't.

[Rachel]

I also never remember the name.

[Addie]

The names.

[Rachel]

If someone were to give me the details of it, I'd be like, oh, yes. And then this happened. It was at a Christmas party. Like, I, like, remember.

[Abby Howard]

Was that the one who's a cop or something?

[Addie]

No, no, that one is.

[Rachel]

We saw her in real life.

[Abby Howard]

Who? What's her name? Rebecca.

[Addie]

Nope.

[Rachel]

I will never remember her name.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know either.

[Rachel]

They thought that she ran over her.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. In the driveway at a party at night or whatever.

[Rachel]

We saw her in person. I saw her in Boston. What? When we went with Stevie, I said, that's her.

[Addie]

And I don't. I can't.

[Rachel]

She's not right.

[Abby Howard]

You guys know that's crazy.

[Rachel]

I don't know how she.

[Addie]

I don't know.

[Rachel]

Genius.

[Addie]

And then I looked it up, I was like.

[Rachel]

And it certainly was. It certainly was.

[Abby Howard]

That's crazy.

[Addie]

I'm like, is this how people feel when they see celebrities?

[Rachel]

I got my Rowan Oak. Do you got yours? What? That's fine. Roman Empire. Your Roanoke.

[Abby Howard]

What did you.

[Rachel]

Roanoke. The lost colony of Roanoke. Who else is not.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know anything about that.

[Rachel]

There's a lost colony.

[Abby Howard]

Tell me about it.

[Rachel]

So when the pilgrims came, they had a colony called Roanoke. And it. No one knows what happened? What? There's a lot of theories. I learned about this in second grade.

[Abby Howard]

Wow.

[Rachel]

I read a book about the lost colony of Roanoke. And? And it's just seriously opened a loop in my brain that I just never. I'm like, I can't rest until we know what happened to those people.

[Abby Howard]

Sure. My Roman Empire is also from the elementary school. Loop opened. Never been shut. It's the Oregon Trail. What do you mean? What do you mean? These people got on wagons and went across rivers? What do you mean?

[Rachel]

I don't think it's a few times.

[Abby Howard]

No, they did it.

[Rachel]

But.

[Abby Howard]

What do you mean? These people just said bye to their families and to never see them again. Never to know if they die on this trail. What do you mean? They came up, they just had babies.

[Rachel]

They had babies in a wagon.

[Abby Howard]

They just buried people along the road. What do you mean? What do you mean? I don't get it.

[Rachel]

It's a really born when we were born and not born back then.

[Abby Howard]

I read a book. Do you remember that series of books? Like the Diary series? And it's like Little Girls of History.

[Rachel]

Yeah, I bet they have one on Roanoke.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, they have it on the Oregon Trail. And it still haunts me to this day. I can picture the words in that book. I actually found it and I brought it home with me.

[Rachel]

I got another one too. The Ebola virus. Oh, yeah?

[Abby Howard]

What about it tickles you?

[Rachel]

It doesn't tickle me. It terrifies me. I was in fourth grade, extremely sheltered, and they taught us about the Ebola virus. And I just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that it could get me.

[Abby Howard]

Of course.

[Rachel]

And I. I mean, I watched this documentary. I was in like a. Like an accelerated learning thing. And so then they thought that they could just like, show us older things. But I was like, wait a minute. I might have been academically advanced, but socially I had not seen anything but

[Abby Howard]

a Disney movie, right?

[Rachel]

And then they're showing. They thought it was the monkeys. So they shot monkeys in this documentary. And I literally was frozen in my seat. I thought I was gonna throw up in class. And they're talking about this virus makes their organs disintegrate and come out their eyes and nose and.

[Abby Howard]

Why were they teaching this to you?

[Rachel]

I don't know. My mom. My mom wrote to the teacher.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I think that's a little inappropriate. That's a little inappropriate.

[Rachel]

She was a great teacher, but I think I was just like, cross the line, Mom. I can't sleep. Because the Ebola virus.

[Abby Howard]

Well, I have one similar acid rain.

[Rachel]

That's spooky.

[Abby Howard]

Where is it?

[Rachel]

Is it real?

[Abby Howard]

I think about it often. That and flash floods, they get me.

[Rachel]

Flash floods get you Okay.

[Abby Howard]

I thought, my mom have a single Roman Empire. You guys are saying the flash floods will get you? Because my mom, my entire life was always like, they'll just come out of nowhere and just come up and get you. And I'm like, what do you mean that doesn't happen? And then I watched videos of flash floods and it happens like that.

[Rachel]

That.

[Abby Howard]

She ain't kidding. And now I think about it all the time. Anytime around, like, dried rivers.

[Rachel]

But we gotta stop.

[Abby Howard]

No. What is it?

[Addie]

No. I'm like, I want to tell you the details of Lacey Peterson to see if you know.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, what is it?

[Addie]

Lacy Peterson was murdered in 22,002 while eight months pregnant. Her disappearance on Christmas Eve and the subsequent murder trial of her husband, Scott Peterson, gained international trends attention. Prosecutors alleged. Alleged that Scott strangled Lacy and weighed her body down in San Francisco Bay with cement anchors. In 2003, Lacey's torso and remains of her unborn son washed ashore.

[Rachel]

I did. I did hear.

[Addie]

Of course, there's so many things about it. There's like. There's a Netflix documentary. There's obviously crime junkie.

[Rachel]

She doesn't think he did it.

[Addie]

Or. That's a different one.

[Abby Howard]

She does think he did it.

[Rachel]

No, the person.

[Addie]

No, I think she was saying she doesn't.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, it's gotta be a lot of evidence against him, because Abby's got all

[Rachel]

she needs to know. Hey, girls. My name is Sarah, and I want to know, what is the funniest thing that your kids have said to you this week? Oh, so many. They already said on the podcast, Griffin asking the employee if it was a choking hazard.

[Addie]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

[Rachel]

Was another one. I mean, Augie keeps asking me what my breasts are today.

[Abby Howard]

Actually, too. Has taken interest in my boobs. And the other day, he came up and he looked at me. He goes, what? Those are?

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And I go, they're my boobs.

[Rachel]

And he goes, okay, you say boobs.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

You say breasts.

[Rachel]

I did, because I didn't know.

[Abby Howard]

I think I. I intermix it. It just felt like a more casual time.

[Rachel]

I didn't know if I want my kids to say my boobs.

[Abby Howard]

And he goes, you could pop them. I said, no. Yeah, he tried to pop them. He didn't try to. He said, you could pop them. I was like, you gotta be careful because they hurt. Because nursing. And he's. They could pop. And I was like, no, they're not gonna pop.

[Rachel]

But I don't know. They say funny things all the time. Well, actually, no, Griffin. I went to go get a protein shake, and I come back and he goes, where were you? And I was like, I told you I was getting a shake and coming. Right. I was gone a total of three minutes. And he goes, I thought you went to jail.

[Abby Howard]

They're so obsessed with jail.

[Rachel]

It's because of Peter and John. Yeah. And so we've had a lot of conversations recently about jail, and adults have consequences, too. And then I thought you went to jail. And I said, buddy. And he goes, or I thought you got dead. And I was like. I said, buddy, it feels like you went to the worst case scenario there. And he goes, no, I didn't. He kept thinking of something worse. So I was like, buddy, I'm so sorry I worried you. You don't have to worry about those things.

[Abby Howard]

Right?

[Rachel]

Those are things we just really don't have to worry about. And then that was all he said about it. I was like, okay.

[Abby Howard]

Do you know that talking cactus thing?

[Addie]

C.J.

[Abby Howard]

loves it. And I think it's an only child thing right now because. Cuz sometimes I think he actually thinks it's his friend. He's not an only child. Talk back. I know, but Vivian's not interacting.

[Rachel]

Yeah, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And he'll put his cactus in timeout if it doesn't stop talking. And I feel like he'll go, you go to timeout, cactus. And then he goes. He's not listening. I'm like, good, Please put it away.

[Rachel]

Please put the thing away. The talking cactus.

[Addie]

On Sunday, when Matt came back while we were at dinner, I go. Augie was next to me. I said, look who's here. He goes, daddy Matt.

[Abby Howard]

Just so you know, it's not your daddy.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Makes me get confused why other people don't call me Mom.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

And then we had a conversation. I'm like, you're. You're the only two people that are ever gonna call me Mom. I mean, for now, like, that you're gonna see are gonna call me Mom. And so, yeah, he's like, let me clarify. Don't call him dad.

[Abby Howard]

I'm only gonna call you guys mom and dad just to confuse him.

[Rachel]

Hi, Abby. Abby and Addie. My name is Jess. And my question is, what tips do you have for raising confident kids? Either things that you do with your kids or things that your parents did with you. I've struggled with my confidence my entire life, and now that I have a daughter, I just really want to make sure I do all that I can to make sure she doesn't feel that way about herself as she grows up. Thank you for any advice. You can share.

[Abby Howard]

Love the podcast. Bye. That's a really good question.

[Rachel]

I feel like there's a lot of misconceptions about confidence and the like thinking, like, confidence comes when we're good at a lot of things, but I think confidence is built when we're not good at something, and then we keep strengthen that skill. And so, like, with our kids, like, this hasn't been a prevailing thing, but I hear a lot of other kids say it. Of Like, I can't do that, or I just. I don't do it. And I feel like saying, like, you can try. You can. We always say you can do hard things. And I think that knowing that, like, anticipating failure at times and then knowing that that's not the end of the line is where is, like, literally the root of confidence. And so with our kids, like, with, like, as they're. They're in a perfect stage right now where they're learning so many things for the very first time. They're in skateboarding lessons. And I'm like, I have no expectation other than that you try again, you keep trying again. And they have become very resilient in that, like, knowing that, like, I don't think they expect to, like, excel immediately because of, like, how much we talk about. I think it's their natural inclination too, but then also just, like, naturally talking all the time of, like, we're just gonna try again, keep trying. And I always, always reward effort. Like, try to always just be like, I can tell you were so hard on that. Or like, you really. Like, you gave that your all. That must have been really hard. You must have wanted to quit, and you just kept going. And I think that that's. That's probably the thing that helped me growing up a lot too.

[Abby Howard]

Mm.

[Rachel]

Yep.

[Abby Howard]

That's really good. I would say this exact same thing, practically. This happens a lot on the playground, actually. I feel like this is a really easy place to, like, implement those things. C.J. obviously will, like, try the bigger ladders. And if he gets scared and wants to come down, I'm like, hey, buddy, you can come down if, like. Or I don't actually let him come down, but if he comes on his own, I'm like, hey, we're not leaving the park until you try again. And I'll help you. If you need help, I'll help you. And I'm here to catch you if you fall. I'm not gonna let anything bad happen to you, but I know that you can do it. And we're not gonna leave until you go back and try it again. Because I think it's like, letting the fear win at these young ages is important. Is like, a big thing that helps, you know, helps build their confidence that they can overcome it.

[Rachel]

It.

[Abby Howard]

And there have been a couple times where, like, he's overcome, so he has been really scared, and he'll do it slowly. And the whole time I'm like, hey, buddy, I'm right here. Like, you've got it. I'm not Gonna let you fall. And I'm not touching him. I'm like, I want him to do it on his own. And when he gets to the top, like, you can see the pride on his face. Like, he's so happy with himself, and it's so cool to see that. And now I feel like he's pretty fearless on the playgrounds and stuff, which is really fun. And then the other one is that, yeah, he started to say, like, I can't do it. And I say, hey, you're not allowed to. To say, I can't, because you can. Maybe you can't do on your own. You can say, I need help. Yeah. Because it's good to ask for help if we need help. But there's. You can do anything, Howard, to do hard things, but maybe you just need help. And so, yeah, I'm like, we don't say can't.

[Rachel]

I think a couple things that you said there, too, that were also really good is, like, you expressing that you, like you as a parent, expressing to your child that you have full confidence in them is huge, too. And not, like, always coming in to just, like. Like, solve their problems for them, to, like, make the situation, like, easier for them. Just, like, on. Like, having just full confidence in them is contagious for them as well, I believe.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I'm. I'm below that ladder, Shaking, shaking. Terrified he's gonna fall and get hurt. But I know that if he gets to the top, he can do it, you know? And, like, even if it's a little risky, I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna tell him that I'm scared.

[Rachel]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You know, I'm gonna be there to catch him if he falls.

[Rachel]

Yeah, that's so good. I honestly just thought about something because I am, like, maybe I am a hypocrite, because I just remember there's a really iconic memory I have with my dad in Disney World when I was like, okay, so I was. I've always been short. It's never been a thing where I was ever tall. So I hit the point where I could go on these roller coasters at an older age than everybody else, but I was still scared. And so I remember when I could go on rock and roller coaster at Disney World, my dad was like, okay, like, let's go together. He waited so long. We waited in the longest light ever. Get to the very front. I see it take off.

[Abby Howard]

It's so fast.

[Rachel]

And I'm like, no. And there's just such a memory of my dad just being like, he Encouraged me. He's like, I know you can do it. Like, I know you can do it. I'm like, nope. And then he was like, I was just not gonna force you to do it. We got out of line. We left that whole night. I was just sick to my stomach. I was like, I didn't chicken dough the next day. I don't think we even had passes for that day. But he added an extra day. We went at the park opening. I told my dad. I was like, I just wish I had another chance. And he took me and we went on it like four times in a row.

[Abby Howard]

It's a win.

[Rachel]

I think there's a couple of things in there too. But that was a very confidence building experience for me. But my dad also wasn't like, like forcing you forcing it. So I think. But he had. I knew he had full belief in me. Yes. And I knew that I. I was safe to like, make my own. I think there's also an age thing there too. Like, it's quite a bit older than my kids are now, but that was a good memory.

[Addie]

I think that's important too, to be able to, like, walk away and him not, like, make you feel bad for it.

[Rachel]

Yeah. Like, that didn't break my confidence because he was like, so mad at me for not doing it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Rachel]

Because he's like, I was gonna make you do something. Like, you know, he's like, then it wasn't even you, like, yeah. Choosing to do something brave. It was literally being forced to do it.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Rachel]

So. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I think there's a difference. Like CJ's not having like a panic attack. You know what I mean? Or like freaking out. Yeah, yeah. Like, if your kids obviously panicking, you're not gonna make him do something.

[Rachel]

If you're confused about what just happened right there. We have a voicemail segment if this is your first episode and if you want to call in, the number is is 602-456-9690. And you can leave any message for us. Preferably some type of question. It can be a curious, funny question about us. It can be something more serious. Anything and everything. We love to hear from you guys.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, let's do Always hungry. What do you got? This is a very sorry if you don't have a Trader Joe's by you. This is specifically a Trader Joe's recipe. It's extremely simple. You're gonna cook up some rice.

[Addie]

Rice.

[Abby Howard]

You're going to dice some chicken. You're gonna saute your chicken in the pan. Season it with salt and pepper, garlic powder, and then you're gonna dump a jar of the Thai yellow curry sauce over it and just let that simmer. You don't really need to season your chicken because that sauce is so flavorful. And you'll serve with some broccoli and that's it. It's so easy. It's really delicious. You got your chicken, your protein, your carb, and your vegetable and it's ready literally in like 30 minutes.

[Rachel]

Love that. I've never had their yellow curry sauce.

[Abby Howard]

It's really good. It's kind of spicy. It's a little warm, which I do not like spicy stuff. So if I can eat this, you guys will be fine. But it's just warming. It's really flavorful. It's a staple in our house.

[Rachel]

I have a really good protein shake recipe that I've been making a lot. It's like a dupe fur or I shouldn't say it's a dupe. It's actually just like a higher protein version of a shamrock shake. From Dairy Queen? No, from McDonald's.

[Abby Howard]

Sorry.

[Rachel]

Isn't that where they have shamrock shake?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, you're right.

[Rachel]

Okay. It's like a mint cookies and cream. But I really think the key is the clean, simple eats. Mint chocolate protein powder. It's actually so delicious. You open that bag and you just smell it and you're like, that's good.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I want that.

[Rachel]

And so I also use the Halo top protein ice cream and almond milk ice. And two Oreo thins and A is so delicious.

[Abby Howard]

Yum. This is like your late night treat, actually.

[Rachel]

Just have it after a workout.

[Abby Howard]

Perfect.

[Rachel]

Perfect.

[Abby Howard]

Ice cream and cookies. Heck yeah.

[Rachel]

And I feel great about it.

[Abby Howard]

I love it, you guys. Thank you so much for listening. If you guys could leave a comment, share the episode subscribe Follow Download all the things. We really appreciate it, but truly reviews just make such a difference. Boy Mom Rach Said Mama Comfort Podcast five stars. Thank you for always sharing the hope and the heart. I listened to this in the hospital when I was getting a deuce last week and welcomed, welcomed a healthy baby boy. Y' all were along for the ride. Oh my gosh. That's so sweet. Thank you for having us be a part of your, like, incredibly special moment. We are so thankful for you guys and we appreciate you and remember, we're always here.