Infidelity, Mom Loneliness, & The Reality TV Ethics Debate

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Infidelity, Mom Loneliness, & The Reality TV Ethics Debate"

Always Here Podcast
Hosts: Abby Howard & Abby Howard (Addie) | Daylight Media
Date: March 6, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into three primary themes: the ethics and impacts of reality TV (especially in light of a recent America's Next Top Model documentary), the experience of loneliness in motherhood, and the nuances of infidelity and taboo topics in modern love stories and media. True to their signature style, Abby and Addie blend heartfelt reflection, witty takes, and open honesty about the hard and the hopeful aspects of relationships and parenting.

---

1. Reality TV Ethics & Reflections

Discussion Anchors:

• America’s Next Top Model documentary sparks a reflection on how reality TV has historically crossed ethical boundaries, especially in its treatment of young, vulnerable contestants.
• Debate around contestants' agency ("They know what they're signing up for") versus systemic exploitation.
• Is reality TV more ethical now, or just as problematic with new forms?

Key Discussion Points:

• America’s Next Top Model & Documentary (05:55–18:42):

  • Abby and Addie share their personal histories watching the show as kids.

  • Addie recounts her COVID quarantine experience binging reruns:
    "I actually loved that show like growing up. Maybe I was a little young for that." (04:09 - Addie)

  • Both note that as children/viewers, they didn’t realize the problematic elements, realizing only later how normalized some disturbing situations were.
    "Even watching reruns, I didn't think anything of it." (05:47 - Addie)

• The Shandy Story (07:12–08:47):

  • Addie discusses a particular storyline where Shandy, a young contestant, was taken advantage of while intoxicated abroad:
    "She was blackout drunk... That was not consensual. That was illegal what happened to her." (07:24 - Addie)
    Abby emphasizes the trauma of the incident being turned into a storyline:
    "They had a recorder calling her boyfriend and telling him about it—devastating, horrible... Is this necessary?" (08:53 - Abby)
  • The hosts agree this was always wrong, not just by “today’s standards.”

• Reality TV Today & Contractual Pressure (10:10–11:26):

  • They ponder whether reality TV has become more ethical:
    "Honestly, I don't know if it's better today." (09:58 – Abby)
  • Addie notes the pressure to share all aspects of one's life for ratings.
  • Discussion about whether contestants can truly keep anything off-screen.

• Documentary Guest Criticism & Media Responsibility (11:37–16:21):

  • Addie and Abby defend including controversial figures in documentaries, arguing audiences are capable of critical thinking.
    "We need to give ourselves more credit as an audience that we can still... do critical thinking when we're watching something." (15:34 - Addie)
  • They reference other documentaries (like "Stalker with a Caller"), emphasizing the power of seeing both sides and the pressure on producers to push boundaries.

• Reality TV's Problematic Legacy (16:56–18:39):

  • Discussion of other shows like "Fear Factor" and the continuity of extreme, even torturous, content, questioning if progress has really been made.

Notable Quotes:

• "If you cheat, you should go to jail. Cheating should be illegal." (01:02, 26:38 - Abby & Addie)
• "She was blackout drunk... That was not consensual." (07:24 - Addie)
• "It might not. We might not even have actually made any progress." (09:58 - Addie)

---

2. Trigger Warnings and Problematic Romance in Media

Main References: “Wuthering Heights,” House of Dragons, “It Ends with Us”

Key Discussion Points:

• Lack of Trigger Warnings in Films (22:02–25:57):

  • Addie recounts being blindsided by the miscarriage storyline in "Wuthering Heights":
    “If you have experienced miscarriage... don’t know that going in.” (23:50 - Addie)
  • Also critiques other media ("House of Dragons") for traumatic birth scenes without warnings.

• Infidelity & Taboo Romance (26:05–27:49):

  • Addie’s take: “Infidelity will never be sexy for me. Infidelity is one of them.”
  • Also discusses the step-sibling romance in “Wuthering Heights,” expressing discomfort despite it being “technically” non-biological.

• Adapting Books to Films (28:18–29:52):

  • The hosts balance appreciation for good art, performances, and costuming with the critique that the lack of content warnings can cause genuine distress for viewers.

Notable Quotes:

• “If you cheat, you should go to jail... Go think about what you’ve done.” (26:38-26:47 - Abby & Addie)
• “Infidelity will never be sexy.” (26:07 - Addie)
• “If I would have known, I would have absolutely... not have seen it.” (25:41 - Addie)

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3. The Loneliness of Modern Motherhood

Timestamps: (41:55–74:18)

Key Discussion Points:

• Mom Loneliness Stats & Causes (42:28–45:27):

  • Citing a stat: "80 to 90% of new mothers are lonely." (42:54 - Addie)
  • American cultural overemphasis on independence and shaming mothers for asking for help.

• Personal Experience & Solutions (45:58–55:02):

  • Abby and Addie detail their own journeys, with community and routine outings (gym, park, church, family dinners) crucial to alleviating loneliness.
  • Discuss privilege of having supportive families nearby, but stress that friendships and community can substitute much of that support.
  • The importance of moms finding “adult interaction” and not just relying on spouses for all social needs.

• How to Build Community (55:17–65:42):

  • Tips: "Poach" friends, include neighbors, utilize local organizations and charities focused on maternal connection.
  • Normalize saying “yes” to offers of help and being the one offering first.
  • Boutique fitness gyms with child care as a top tip for making “mom friends.”
  • Meal trains and birthday parties not just for the kids, but crucial parental connection points.

• Modern Pressures & Internet Culture (72:28–74:05):

  • Critique of over-preparation and the pressure for “perfect” parenting seen online.
  • "We don't have to make motherhood this, like, big, scary, terrible thing."

Notable Quotes:

• “I do not feel depleted by my kids. I don’t feel like they hold me back in any way. And I am sad when I put them to bed at night.” (71:44 - Addie)
• “It is an honor to come alongside other women and do that [help or be helped].” (68:22 - Abby)
• “You just have to rip the band aid off, and you have to practice.” (51:22 - Abby)

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4. Navigating Friendship & Conflict

Timestamps: 74:18–80:54

Key Discussion Points:

• Conflict is inevitable in close, invested friendships. Quick, direct resolution is key.
• Advocating for humility—own up fast, apologize when you’ve hurt someone, don’t let issues fester.
• “Go directly to the person.” – Addie shares that directness is honoring; avoidance doesn’t ultimately avoid hurt.

Notable Quotes:

• “All feelings are valid, but they can’t all be trusted.” (78:37 - Abby)
• “When you handle conflict well, it brings you closer together.” (80:00 - Abby)

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5. Fun, Light-hearted Segments

Bachelorette Superlatives & Predictions (34:07–40:09)

• Debate over which new Bachelorette contestants might be there “for the wrong reasons.”
• Rooting for various candidates—Malik, Shane, etc.—based on their profiles.

Recipe & Registry Recommendations (91:13–93:29)

• Abby & Addie’s top registry advice: splurge on durable essentials like a nice trash can, KitchenAid mixer, and a quality knife set.
• Weekly recipes: their ultimate chocolate chip cookie recipe and Addie’s “healthy hamburger helper”—quick to make, kid-friendly, and packable.

Podcast/Entertainment Recommendations (83:36–85:41)

• Recommendations include: Diary of a CEO, Unplanned, Whoa That’s Good, Chicks in the Office, and numerous true crime shows.
• Advice for not losing yourself in a romantic relationship: keep up with girlfriends, don’t flake or morph your interests, embrace your individuality.

Memorable Quote:
“Don’t flake on your girls to hang with your guy. That’s a no-no.” (86:32 - Abby)

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6. Community, Book Club, and Listener Interaction

• Encouragement for listeners to reach out, leave voicemails, and get involved in the book club (current pick: Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid).
• Next episode will build on listener questions and comments.

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Notable Episode Moments & Quotes (with Timestamps)

• [01:02, 26:38] Abby & Addie (in sync): “If you cheat, you should go to jail. Cheating should be illegal.”
• [07:24] Addie: “She was blackout drunk...That was not consensual. That was illegal what happened to her.”
• [09:58] Addie: “It might not. We might not even have actually made any progress.”
• [15:34] Addie: “We need to give ourselves more credit as an audience that we can still... do critical thinking when we're watching something.”
• [41:55–74:18] Entire segment: honest, practical advice about building community and dealing with personal struggles as mothers.
• [80:00] Abby: “When you handle conflict well, it brings you closer together.”

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Final Thoughts

The episode seamlessly blends deep dives into the ethics of reality TV, thoughtful advice and solidarity around motherhood and female friendship, and lighthearted, practical moments about pop culture and daily life. The hosts model candid vulnerability, argue for intentional community, and maintain a refreshingly unfiltered tone throughout.

For new listeners:
This is an ideal episode to experience the show’s range—serious cultural critique, real-life parenting wisdom, relationship talk, and the kind of banter that makes you feel you’re among friends.

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Podcast Contact:
Leave a voicemail: 602-456-9690
Book club pick: Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid

Hosts sign-off:
“We are so grateful for you. And remember, we’re always here.”

Transcript

[Abby]

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[Addie]

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[Abby]

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[Addie]

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[Addie]

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[Abby]

Feel your body relax, and let go

[Addie]

of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry

[Abby]

that I wouldn't get my new contacts

[Eddie]

in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh, they're so fast. And breathe.

[Addie]

Oh, sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry.

[Eddie]

Namaste.

[Addie]

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[Abby]

I have a hot. Take that. If you cheat, you should go to jail.

[Addie]

Cheating should be illegal.

[Abby]

I didn't think it was illegal. It's horrible.

[Addie]

Go to jail.

[Abby]

Go think about what you've done. We realize that a lot of moms are really lonely.

[Addie]

Of course, you can do everything on your own as a mom, but what is the cost of that? Your mental health, your physical health. I never have watched Bachelorette since maybe 2019.

[Abby]

I'm like, if Kilburn ever broke up, would I go on the show? Yeah.

[Addie]

Really? I feel like Matt would be like, yeah, babe, you go do it. Like he would Support.

[Eddie]

Very.

[Abby]

Welcome back to Always Here.

[Addie]

I'm your host, Abby Howard, and Abby Howard.

[Abby]

And we're here to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor.

[Addie]

Every week, Every Friday or whenever you listen to it.

[Abby]

Yeah, I usually listen to it on Mondays.

[Addie]

Really?

[Abby]

Well, the Monday before. Oh, I was like, little behind the scenes. Behind the scenes, we have exciting developments in the always Here family. Our editor and his wife are currently at the hospital having their baby.

[Addie]

Yay. Congratulations.

[Abby]

We're so excited for you, Randy, and your family. So exciting.

[Addie]

Very sweet.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Addie]

All right, well, there's been lots of good pop culture things going on. What should we say? Good or entertaining things to talk about? I've been talking about a lot with other people, and I usually don't know what's going on.

[Abby]

Before we jump into this, I'll tell you guys about my morning.

[Eddie]

Oh, gosh, yes. Tell us.

[Abby]

Okay, you guys, I just. If I feel out of it, it's because I've been scrubbing diarrhea off my rug.

[Addie]

Come here, dog.

[Abby]

Yes. I Woke up at 6:45 this morning and I go, what's that smell? What's that smell? And then I look and I go, it's gonna be a bad day. It's gonna be a bad day.

[Addie]

Does he have a sensitive stomach?

[Abby]

I don't think so. No going around, I don't know. Yeah, it's been bad.

[Addie]

So diarrhea.

[Abby]

Yes. I had a whole list of things that I wanted to do. It was. Yeah. I might have to get rid of the rug. It's a. Yeah. I don't want to go into graphic of details, but yeah, we've been working on it for a couple hours, so we'll see how it goes.

[Eddie]

Caleb there?

[Abby]

Caleb was there this morning when it

[Addie]

happened to fumigate your house.

[Abby]

Normally he tells us when he's like, needs to go out. So I was really surprised that it's. That happened. It was an emergency, I guess. I think he was surprised by it. So if I feel off, it's because I'm just thinking about it and currently smelling it. I can't get the smell out of my nose.

[Addie]

That is so gross. So bad.

[Abby]

I know.

[Eddie]

That happened while we were on our cruise and my parents were watching our dogs. Both of them got diarrhea bad multiple times at our house. And we just got our carpets cleaned.

[Abby]

Nice. That's all you can do.

[Eddie]

It was bad. There were just spots.

[Abby]

Yeah. It's just like, what are you supposed to do, you know? So that's a fun one to start the pot off on.

[Addie]

It's a good day. That's my life all day.

[Abby]

It's hard. It's been hard.

[Addie]

It's been hard. Dang it.

[Abby]

Yeah. But our hope is that we've been distracting ourselves with lots of good tv.

[Addie]

Yeah. I'm surprised that I even like watched it and know what's going on.

[Abby]

Yeah. I was so surprised that you watched it.

[Addie]

Well, I had a rough weekend, but it's fine.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

We wanted to tell you about the tv.

[Abby]

America's Next Top Model. That's what we're talking about. Yeah. Yeah.

[Addie]

Well, I actually loved. Loved that show like growing up.

[Eddie]

You did?

[Addie]

Which I'm like, maybe I was a little young for that.

[Abby]

I was curious if you. Addy, did you watch it?

[Eddie]

Not really.

[Abby]

I remember being in maybe fifth and sixth grade when it was out, so. And that was young too, watching it. So I would have been. I was surprised. Third grade, Abby.

[Addie]

Potentially. Well, also, I feel like they played the reruns Forever, like, on tv. And I think I was probably watching, like, a ton of reruns.

[Abby]

They did have 24 seasons.

[Eddie]

I knew what it was about and stuff. Surely I saw some seasons. I feel like I never actually, like, tuned in and watched it.

[Abby]

Oh, Addie, you missed a whole good era.

[Eddie]

I actually. Is it, like, controversial to say I kind of want to go back and watch it all?

[Abby]

No, you should. Okay. No, you should.

[Addie]

It's a great tv.

[Eddie]

It's like TV I would like.

[Abby]

It is great tv.

[Addie]

And I feel like I was actually also part of the, like, people, like, the group people that started watching the reruns during COVID I actually had Covid and I had a bad guys.

[Abby]

The first time.

[Addie]

The first time I remember that I was fainting and, like, without Matt, because we separated because he had it and I didn't have it. So he went and separated, which was

[Abby]

weird because we were married Christmas of 2020.

[Addie]

But no one knew how to handle it.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And so. No, this was before Christmas, actually.

[Eddie]

It was around the. Yeah. Maybe it was a little before because I was. We were there. Blake and I were there.

[Addie]

Yeah. They saw me faint.

[Abby]

I gotta ask.

[Addie]

And I was, like, freaking out. Cause I wasn't with Matt. I was like, I want Matt.

[Abby]

I want Matt.

[Addie]

So then my mom, like, like, laid in bed with me. Reruns of America's Next Time. I watched a whole season.

[Abby]

Wow.

[Addie]

Anyway, all that to say the documentary. I was very invested because I knew. I, like, actually even knew the cycles they were talking about. And, like, some of the shoots, I was like, I remember that.

[Abby]

I remember that totally.

[Addie]

And just to say one thing, when I watched it, even watching reruns, I didn't think anything of it, which, I mean, I feel like we're all kind of in that boat. So many people watched it. It was like, the number one show. And I don't think it was like. Because they were like, this show is, like, so popular.

[Abby]

We can get away with anything. Yeah.

[Addie]

No, I feel like everyone was like, this is great. And then now we've, like, learned. We know better now about some things. Yeah.

[Abby]

Some of the shoots are crazy.

[Addie]

Oh, yeah. That was not necessary. That was, like, immoral. Right. But yeah. I don't know. What were your top note thoughts?

[Abby]

I thought it was very entertaining. I will say I don't have a lot of pity for people that go on reality TV competition shows, which maybe isn't, like, the nicest thing to say. But I felt the same way about the Biggest Loser documentary. Like, if you're waiting in line to go on a show and you see, I feel like I have pity for the first season people. But then after that, it's like you're. You're auditioning to be on this. You watch the show, you know what you're getting into. You know you're doing crazy shoots, you know you're gonna get a terrible makeover. Like, you know, you're doing these things. Then I'm like, ugh, can you really be upset about it? Because you always have the choice to leave. You know what I mean?

[Addie]

Right, right. And some people did leave that one. She was like, I'm out. And they're like, you're gonna give up this opportunity? She's like, yeah, I will. She's like, I'm out.

[Abby]

And that's, that's. Besides, that's outside of the unethical things, like, there were obviously a lot of really, like, the shandy thing was really sad. I'm not speaking about that. I'm more so just talking about, like, if you don't like the shoots and stuff. Yes, you can leave, you know?

[Addie]

Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah. The shandy thing was like super sad. That was the thing that really stood out to me because it was just like a lot of these things, like, in the time, like, maybe we didn't hold ourselves to the same standard we do now. We learn more so we can do better. But that was like, wrong then, clearly wrong now, and actually even illegal. Like, I was like, that was. She was blackout drunk. And even though it made me sad that even in her, like, modern day commentary, like, I don't want to speak for her, but just like knowing the basics of the situation that they detailed, I was like, that was not. That was not consensual. That was not sex. That was like illegal what happened to her. And yeah, and you did not cheat, in my opinion. Like, yes, you went to the show with a boyfriend, but like, that all. None of that happened with your consent. So I don't. Yeah. And it was just so sad. And it just kept getting worse, I feel like, because, like, the recordings, none of, like, I don't even. There was also people were mad about the people filming, which I'm also like, yeah, that's. That's so wrong that they filmed that. But then also there was other girls in the house too. Like, they were, they were there too and sharing a room with her. I was like, there's a lot of accountability that should have happened. Like, that made me really, really sad. And I don't know Even just her talking about it then, like, in, like, modern day, like, you could tell that she still, like, blamed herself.

[Abby]

She still. Yeah, she does. It makes me so sad, for context, if you die.

[Addie]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Abby]

Shandy was on. She was on the first or second season, like, really early on. Right.

[Eddie]

I think Cycle two.

[Abby]

Cycle two. And they went to Italy. It was the first time they ever went abroad. And they had a party and there was drinking involved, and they invited some of the guys from their day challenge that they had. And, yeah, she was just very drunk. And there was definitely some essay that happened, and she talked about it, and it was recorded. Recorded. The whole thing was recorded then afterwards, because it was now a storyline. They had a recorder calling her boyfriend and telling him about devastating, horrible, horrible, horrible stuff. And it's like, this is a modeling show. Is this necessary? You know? So I think it does bring up a lot of conversation just about the ethics of reality TV show. Because, honestly, I don't know if it's better today. I think about some of the stuff that's on Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and Real Housewives. And sometimes I even remember on Secret Lives, Jesse was talking about how, like, things came out with her affair that she had. And she's like, well, I know I'm gonna have to talk about this in the show. Like, she didn't really have a choice to talk about it or not. And I just feel like that's very interesting and sad, but also, it's a good point.

[Addie]

Like, it might not. We might not even have actually made any progress.

[Abby]

I don't know if we have, at

[Addie]

least in that area of, like, I don't know, things. Reality tv. Yeah. It made me so sad.

[Abby]

Yeah. And the expectation on people just to be blatant about everything in their life on some of these hard things is really. I would be curious because. I don't know. Addy, you watch a lot more reality tv. Do you feel like there are. Can you think of times where people have kept things off screen?

[Eddie]

No.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

I think.

[Eddie]

I'm sure it's in their contract somewhere that when things happen that they have to speak about it publicly or they negotiate a contract not to speak about it. I mean, think about. Okay, you. You watch the Kardashians.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

How much does Kim talk about Kanye? Is that something they don't talk about?

[Abby]

No, but they're also producers, which is different.

[Eddie]

That is true. It's a little bit different, but I'm sure there are different. Yeah. Because, I mean, tlc, like, I used to Watch it all the time. I feel like everything is on there. Even when we've talked to the Duggars or things like that. Like, they talk about everything, but there are some things they don't talk about. I think for reality tv, mostly, you have to talk about everything.

[Abby]

Yeah. That's just crazy.

[Addie]

Or also it's like. Or we're gonna still share this element of the plot, and then, like, you either can comment on it or you can just not comment, in which case, like, people have no context.

[Abby]

Totally. So, yeah, there was an interesting point to the Emma are on our call. She's one of our producers. She pointed out that a lot of these girls were really young, like 17, 18 years old. So.

[Addie]

And there's a power issue there and

[Abby]

with a celebrity and. Yeah, yeah, it was just. It was very sad to watch that. It was hard.

[Addie]

It was well done documentary, though. I thought.

[Abby]

I thought it was too. You know, I saw some comments being like, netflix always puts the abusers in the seat to hear. I mean, I think that's a crazy thing to call somebody.

[Addie]

I think it would have been poorly done if you didn't have Tyra on.

[Abby]

I also don't think it put Tyra in a great light.

[Addie]

No.

[Abby]

Like, even when she was speaking, I'm like, she's not defending herself in a way that I'm bought in to.

[Eddie]

Ken, let's say it's not just her. Ken also took no accountability. Ken was the producer or the other producer.

[Addie]

Yeah, I liked him a little bit.

[Abby]

I liked him more, too. He did say.

[Addie]

He said that was wrong.

[Abby]

He said one thing.

[Addie]

Yeah, he did say that.

[Abby]

On the switching Grace thing.

[Eddie]

No, wasn't the one. It was a domestic violence one because the girl was doing the photo. Her mother had been shot in the head, and then they made her do that photo shoot.

[Abby]

Sometimes when you hear things like that, you're like, what were they thinking? That's crazy. What was the one thing that I

[Addie]

was like, no, what was his name? That Nigel Barker. Honestly, he was the king of that guy.

[Eddie]

I love him.

[Abby]

He was the king of the show, too.

[Addie]

And, you know, he. I feel like he played a. Like, he did it well and honest. He was like, yeah, that was a. It was a different time. He's like, yeah, he's like. He's like, looking back at it now. He's like, that's crazy.

[Abby]

Yeah, like.

[Addie]

And he was like, this was wrong. And. But I feel like he was very fair and, like.

[Abby]

Yeah, I think so, too.

[Addie]

And just real.

[Abby]

Totally liked him. I liked him too. I remember liking him on the show a lot. I thought Ms. J was. That was really sad. His story. I didn't know that he had had, like.

[Addie]

I didn't know that either.

[Abby]

Ailments. It was interesting seeing more of, like, the where are they now?

[Addie]

That was really sweet with, like, that they, like, Jay and Nigel and, like, all them, like, hugging and like, that. They came to visit him in the hospital. That was really, really cool. I appreciate that. Like, behind the scenes, like, caring for each other.

[Abby]

Totally.

[Addie]

Like, Tyra did it. It was such a bummer, too, because I was growing up, like, such a Tyra fan. Like, I. Life size.

[Abby]

Life size. I was gonna say. Do you remember Life Size? I was.

[Addie]

I remember distinctly one day I had the stomach flu and my dad had to stay home from work with me because I was sort of all day. And I made him watch Life Size three. Three times. Oh, my gosh. And my dad did. He watched it three times with me, and I was like, dad, this is.

[Abby]

This is the best movie ever.

[Addie]

Like, because think about it. A little kid, like, her doll comes to life. It's with Lindsay Lohan and Tyra Banks. It was good movie.

[Abby]

I would watch it again. Movie. We should do it. Have you seen it, Addy?

[Eddie]

No.

[Abby]

What? Oh, my gosh, Addie. A classic.

[Addie]

It's so good. And I'm gonna be really sad if I rewatch it. And I hate it. I actually told Matthew today. I was like, when you watch, like, of the Irish, it's about to be like, it's my.

[Eddie]

Wait, is that the Disney.

[Abby]

It's a dcom.

[Addie]

It's the same. It's a Disney Channel movie.

[Abby]

Yeah, I actually.

[Addie]

Disney Channel original.

[Abby]

Disney Channel Original Movie. Come on, Addie.

[Addie]

Come on, Addy. This is when our age of different movies are starring.

[Eddie]

Well, I knew about Disney Channel Original Movie. I just never knew. Decom.

[Abby]

Oh, yeah, baby. It's a dcom. We should do a quiz or something where we quiz all each other on

[Addie]

old, like, just a lot of tv.

[Abby]

I did, too.

[Eddie]

This one's different. But I learned last night what someone said. They're a CEO in reference to church, Christmas and Easter only.

[Abby]

Oh, I never heard that either.

[Eddie]

They were creasers. No, they called it. He goes, I was a CEO. I'm like, christmas and Easter. He's like, christmas and Easter, only we're like, oh.

[Addie]

Like, did you think we were gonna know that?

[Eddie]

I was like, never heard of it.

[Addie]

I love it.

[Abby]

That's great.

[Addie]

Anyway, yeah, that was well done.

[Abby]

That was a really good one. Oh, the reason I was thinking the other documentary where they put the. An actual, like. Okay, I don't. I don't want to say anything about Tyra. I don't know if she's an abuser or not, but. An actual abuser.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abby]

Was that documentary on Netflix about.

[Addie]

I liked having her. Okay, what was that called? The Stalker with a Caller.

[Abby]

Unknown caller. Where the mom ended up being the one that was, like, abusing her. Abusing her daughter. She was cyber stalking her.

[Addie]

People are mad that she was in the documentary. That's my. I totally agree with her.

[Abby]

I love that she was in it. I had. I didn't paint her in a good light at all and actually maybe have more empathy for the daughter because I'm like, wait, this is what Jessa put up there with at home.

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Addie]

She has zero remorse. I think the fact that she showed zero remorse spoke volumes to me as a viewer. And like, all the like. Yeah, like you said, it kind of just like sets the scene more for what this daughter was living with all the time. And I think that we are. We get. We need to give ourselves more credit as an audience that we can still, like, make critical, like, do critical thinking when we're watching something and say, like, oh, that's wrong. That's weird. What she's saying is, like, that's so off base. But we're allowed to make those. We're allowed to have critical thinking. Right. We can do that ourselves.

[Abby]

Right. I think you can also have empathy for someone that did bad things and still think that those things were bad.

[Addie]

Right.

[Abby]

Like, I could be like, oh, wow, that's really sad that their life was like that. Can't believe that they kill people. It's crazy.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

You know what I mean?

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Like, I think you could. Both things can be true.

[Addie]

Right.

[Abby]

Just because you feel compassion doesn't mean that doesn't, like, make it wrong. Right.

[Addie]

Like what? Make wrongs right.

[Abby]

Yeah. I really like that they include both sides of the story.

[Addie]

They had a lot of good. It was not boring. It was very entertaining. And I feel like it was very. They showed a lot of sides, but I like that they had the network even, because you also feel that pressure that they had to keep their ratings high and to, like, constantly do crazy things. But it was interesting because you make the point. I was like, wow, I can't believe they had them do that. Afterwards, we watched this brand new show. Matt and I wanted to watch it. It's a guy from Jack A. Oh, yeah.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

They have a new fear Factor.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Eddie]

We started it. Blake and I think started Fear Factor.

[Addie]

They haven't released all the episodes.

[Eddie]

Steve.

[Addie]

Yet.

[Abby]

Steven. Steve.

[Addie]

I never watched that show growing up.

[Abby]

Don't go back.

[Addie]

I'm a girl. Jackie, I think you write Steve something.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Anyway, Steve O.

[Abby]

That's what it is. It is.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby]

I think it is. Addie, fact check us.

[Addie]

You reminded me of Jim Carrey.

[Abby]

Totally. He's very expressionist.

[Addie]

But some of the things that they have these contestants do. They were showing previews down the line. I'm talking sticking metal rods through their legs. They're bleeding.

[Abby]

Oh.

[Addie]

Like they are like actually torturing these people for reality tv. Oh. And I was like, well, it could get worse.

[Abby]

They could change races.

[Addie]

Those were the ones that I loved on the document.

[Abby]

They probably will.

[Addie]

They literally changed ethnicities. And then they're like. But they didn't just do it once. And then they kind of did it a third time. That is so crazy. And it was like nine cycles later. Yeah.

[Abby]

When they showed that, I was like, oh, no.

[Addie]

It kept happening.

[Abby]

It kept happening.

[Addie]

And honestly, they cornered those poor girls cuz they were here to do this shoot. And then the poor girl who was white, she's like. I felt like she felt like a black girl.

[Abby]

And then they handed them the babies. I was like, that was crazy. They made him change race and they gave him children of that race to

[Addie]

just like that poor kid.

[Abby]

I'm like, this is really.

[Addie]

Wow. That's crazy.

[Abby]

I remember that shoot.

[Addie]

Oh, yeah, I did. Because they did it all at once.

[Abby]

I remember thinking that art is beautiful.

[Addie]

I was like, I love that. And the people. Yeah.

[Abby]

So, okay, sorry. Fear Factor. You're saying it was just crazy.

[Eddie]

It was Steve O. It was the old host. Not the new host.

[Addie]

Yeah, the new. What do you mean?

[Eddie]

You want to know who the new host is?

[Addie]

No. That is the new one.

[Abby]

It's Steve O, isn't it?

[Eddie]

This is. While Steve O. Is not the host of the new Fear Factor. The new Fear Factor. The next chap chapter on pox. He's not the host of that.

[Abby]

Oh, who is it?

[Addie]

Who is the new one? I wouldn't recommend the show, by the way. Matt literally lost his attention. And if it like Johnny Knoxville.

[Abby]

Johnny Knoxville. One in the same.

[Addie]

Honestly, you knew this guy?

[Abby]

No, I just feel like they kind of do the same thing.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby]

Johnny Knoxville. Yeah.

[Addie]

They're like sticking rods through their skin, like, bleeding. Like it's torture. They're like torturing.

[Abby]

And Matt lost interest.

[Addie]

Yes. I literally told Matt. I was like, this is a problem because he was like trying to skip. He's like, I'm gonna skip to the next challenge. That was challenge.

[Abby]

You're like.

[Addie]

And they did like a suffocation challenge in the episode we watched where they were.

[Eddie]

They were in the air. Blake and I watched that episode and

[Addie]

Matt was like, I'm bored. I was like, your brain is fried.

[Abby]

I have a distinct memory of watching Fear factor when I was a kid sitting on my dad's desk in his office eating party pizzas. Just sitting there watching them have scorpions crawl all over them. And then a lady had to shave her head. And that was like, I'm saying, I don't know if I'd ever do that.

[Eddie]

They were dropping snakes on this girl.

[Addie]

That's what they were doing. Dropping snakes, dropping rats. And I was like, also, where's PETA here? They're literally dumping into the tank from the top. So you're right, Abby. Reality tv.

[Abby]

I don't think it's gotten better.

[Addie]

This wasn't isolated to America's Next Top Model and this happened. Has not gotten better.

[Abby]

And guess what? We're still eating it up.

[Eddie]

It's terrible.

[Addie]

I was watching, I was like, matt, those rats are surely getting injured.

[Abby]

Yeah, it is bad.

[Addie]

And yeah. So anyway, that was a very well done documentary in my opinion.

[Abby]

I thought it was too. I would recommend it. I thought three episodes was the perfect length.

[Addie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No longer than that.

[Abby]

Thank you once again for sponsoring today's episode.

[Addie]

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[Abby]

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[Addie]

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[Abby]

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[Addie]

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[Abby]

For a limited time, try One Skin with 15% off using code ABBEY at One Skin Co slash ABBY. That's 15% off. OneSkin Co with code ABBEY. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. And please support our show and tell them that we sent you. You saw Wuthering Heights?

[Addie]

I saw Wuthering Heights.

[Abby]

What is that about? What is that originally about?

[Addie]

Oh, it. It's like a.

[Abby]

It's a book, right.

[Addie]

Dark romance. Yeah. It's written in 1847.

[Abby]

Okay.

[Addie]

And her sister wrote Jane Eyre. There's three girls.

[Abby]

So it's like a classical novel.

[Addie]

They really. She released it under a male's name, so it would. Perfect. It would.

[Abby]

That's really cool.

[Addie]

And it worked.

[Abby]

Okay. So I feel like I remember hearing about that in school. Maybe that's why I know whether.

[Addie]

Oh, yeah. It was actually made mandatory reading in a lot of schools.

[Abby]

I didn't. We didn't read it in any of my classes.

[Addie]

I didn't either.

[Abby]

I feel like I heard about it.

[Addie]

Oh, yeah. It's like, it's a classic.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

It wasn't liked at the time because this book is very, like. It talks about, like, female desire. There's infidelity. There's like. There's a lot of, like, especially taboo topics, and especially for the 1800s, especially from a woman, like, there was just so many things about it. But it was, wow. I said on my story, I was like, I have a lot of thoughts, and people are like, what did you think? I want to know. I'm like, I cannot. I cannot convey them in an Instagram story because it was just so much. First of all, it was. I want to say this, and I don't want to sound like such a weenie and when I. Like a whiny weenie when I say this, but we have gotten really good in society about trigger warnings about certain things.

[Eddie]

Sure.

[Addie]

And I think that's awesome and great. And some of them, I'm like, oh, why do we need a trigger warning? It's just because it doesn't apply to me.

[Abby]

Right.

[Addie]

Like, I'm like, that doesn't seem like, oh, my God. That seems like something that shouldn't be a big deal. It's like, oh, it Just doesn't apply with me. To me. Which is why they have these. Right. And so. And I started talking to a couple other women who have also experienced pregnancy loss and things like that. And they were like, I have. They're like, I watched all the media for this movie. No one was ever talking about this. And I was really upset watching the movie. Like, I wouldn't have seen it.

[Abby]

Wow.

[Addie]

That's how I felt.

[Abby]

That's a part of the plot.

[Addie]

Huge part of the plot. So I'm gonna just say this for any woman that's watching, because I know it affects so many people. Like, if you have experienced miscarriage, pregnancy loss, pregnancy complicated, anything like that, like, don't know that going in. And if it's fresh, like, probably just, like. Just know yourself. Just, like, don't watch it because it ruined. It really did ruin my day. But before all this. Well, first of all, also, I wanted to bring up on the topic another show that I was like, they were really careless with. This was the House of Dragon, which I know you guys probably did you watch it?

[Eddie]

I didn't watch House of Dragons.

[Addie]

Okay. House of Dragon. There's, like, a ton of, like, miscarriage references, pregnancy complications. Like, all kinds of really traumatic births.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Left and right. And I remember, like, after, like, one of them, there's like a. There's a crazy scene that was, like, etched forever in my mind. It was, like, fresh after I had one of my sons. And it was like an emergency C section that happened in medieval times. So obviously, she's gonna die. She's awake, like.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And he's. The husband's making the decisions for her. I was like, this is something that is like. Like, I actually want to vomit. Like, I literally am, like, not. I can't enjoy this at all. And it was actually created by women to bring awareness to these things. But I was like, this isn't the kind of.

[Abby]

But give a trigger warning.

[Addie]

Yeah, give a warning.

[Abby]

At the beginning, I thought.

[Addie]

I thought that.

[Abby]

I've actually thought, this is us.

[Eddie]

Okay.

[Abby]

I loved that movie. And I've never experienced domestic violence, but I had no idea that's what that movie was about.

[Addie]

Oh, it ends with us.

[Abby]

What did I call it?

[Addie]

This is Us. That's a different show.

[Abby]

Different show. It ends with us. Yeah. And I didn't read the books or anything, and the trailers hinted at nothing about that. So I went in totally blind not knowing that. And I was like, oh, wow. I had no idea it was about this. And this is pretty heavy.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

I just remember Thinking that if that was something that people had gone through and experienced or was, like, really hard for them to see, they would have no idea that's what this movie's about.

[Addie]

I felt that way. I was like, if I would have known, I would have absolutely. Like, especially at the timing in which I saw it. Like, I absolutely would not have seen it. And so, like, Matt was literally, like, the color drained from your face. Like, I was like, yeah. Cause it was deeply disturbing. I didn't hear anyone talking about it.

[Abby]

Yeah. I've just seen people crying online, but they never say why.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And it was also like, yeah, okay. Let me just start with the bad. Why don't I start with the bad?

[Abby]

Okay, let's hear it. Give us a revolution.

[Addie]

A couple things will never be sexy for me. Infidelity is one of them. Infidelity will never be sexy.

[Abby]

I'm never gonna cheer for that in a show.

[Addie]

Their romance was steamy. And then I was like. Then she got married to another man. I was like, so she should go to jail. I'm not into this. I'm not into this anymore. And I feel like other people, maybe that's just, like, I don't know, forbidden love type of thing. But I was just like. Just kept thinking of. And they were in her husband's house. I was like, the disrespect.

[Abby]

I have a hot take that if you cheat, you should go to jail. Cheating should be illegal.

[Addie]

I didn't think it was illegal as a kid.

[Abby]

It should be illegal. It's horrible.

[Addie]

Go to jail. You're done.

[Abby]

Go think about what you've done.

[Addie]

Well, I mean, that is a hot take.

[Abby]

I mean, it's a hot take, but

[Addie]

anyway, we could all use a little more accountability.

[Abby]

That's what I'm saying.

[Addie]

But then another thing that will never be sexy. Incest. But they're not technically related.

[Abby]

What?

[Addie]

But they're essentially brother and sister. What? I think about, like, a half brother.

[Abby]

Oh, are they a doctor or, like,

[Addie]

stepsis not a half brother. Not half brother, not siblings. Step sibling situation. He is taken into the house as a child, and they're raised together.

[Abby]

Oh, that's kind of, like clueless, though, you know?

[Addie]

Yeah, that was gross. Also,

[Abby]

he also did seem really old and clueless, but that's besides the point. So, yeah, it's kind of gross.

[Addie]

There were points where I was like, yeah, they're not related. And I was like, oh, they're cute. And, like, they are. Like, we all know someone from our childhood that kind of felt like a Brother to us. And then I was like, no, no. Like, that was a line. That was a line. It wasn't for them, but it was a line for it.

[Abby]

Right.

[Addie]

And so there was this. Sometimes that kind of bothered me.

[Abby]

Sure.

[Addie]

Other things I really liked about the movie, I thought they did. I think the acting was amazing. The soundtrack with it was amazing. The costuming, the set, like, the storytelling was all very beautiful. Like, I thought it was really, really, really good. And great one to watch their husband. I would say it was just steamy, but no nudity. So I, like, appreciated that. And I really liked that aspect of it. Great movie.

[Abby]

Great movie.

[Addie]

Great movie. Just really wish I never. Heavy. Great movie. It was the best movie that I wish I never saw.

[Abby]

Okay, great.

[Addie]

So I just feel like everyone should know. I also don't. I didn't read the book, so I have to say that I know that some of the criticism is that it didn't follow the book, which apparently it really didn't. Because I did a deep dive into, like, what the plot of the book was. Which is also why I would say the trigger warning would be very important, is because in the actual book, there is not a miscarriage. There is a traumatic pregnancy, birth situation, but it's not a miscarriage. And I do think that they land differently. They land very differently. And I also think that either way, like, you should probably have a warning. And I just. I feel like such a weenie saying that. But it really, really. Like, as a consumer, I feel like I couldn't have even. Couldn't have even protected myself from that, like, type of thing. And I like it genuinely did ruin my night.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And so great movie, though.

[Abby]

Do you like. Or does that bother you when movies. Then they changed the movie from how the book was, or do you like it?

[Addie]

I feel like it actually doesn't bother me. I always feel really proud of myself. And I'm like, that's different from the book. Like, I like. I'm really proud of myself, but I don't think it necessarily bothers me. I'm like, I can see why they made that change with Wuthering Heights. They could have made a Chapter one and Chapter two because, like, they did with Wicked. Because the book. The movie ended at the halfway point of the book. There's a whole nother following of the Next Generation in the book.

[Abby]

Oh, so they could.

[Addie]

It didn't feel like it was missing anything in my opinion either.

[Abby]

Well, they're gonna do a part. Are they gonna do a second one?

[Addie]

I don't Think so. They ended it very finally, in my opinion. Oh, I don't think there's even been conversation about a second one.

[Eddie]

I don't think so.

[Addie]

In fact, I'm out if they did because that was just. I also never watch genres like that. I don't even watch rom coms, but I don't watch romance, like, really at all.

[Abby]

You watch House of Dragons? Yes. We're making it up.

[Addie]

It's because I always watch shows with Matt.

[Abby]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Addie]

I think you should know that before you watch it.

[Abby]

I'm just saying that's good to know because I feel like everyone's talking about it online and I'm just like, do I need to go see this? But knowing that it's spicy and sad, I probably won't go. Those are my two kind of nanas.

[Addie]

It's not.

[Abby]

I don't want to cry and I don't want to.

[Addie]

No, no, no. It's dark. Like, it's. It's like, depressing and dark, like. And I feel like there's a couple other triggers that you could probably, like, look into as well. Because, I mean, the whole thing is very adult, even though there is no nudity. And I don't even think there's cussing in it. Like. And there's no, like, drugs. Like, it's. But it was just adult themes. Really adult. It was really adult.

[Abby]

I really. I think that's interesting that you bring that up because, yeah, we have nudity ratings, language ratings, drug and violence and alcohol. Like, they have those.

[Addie]

They do have adult themes, as, like, sometimes I've seen in, like, movie ratings. Like, adult themes will get it a higher. But those are also more subjective. It's kind of hard to, like, totally. I feel like that's why, like, I feel like we all had pg13 movies as kids that we were allowed to watch, even though we weren't 13. For us, it was Jurassic park and Star Wars. We were allowed to watch those.

[Abby]

I allowed to. I just watched all of them. For instance, like, the Notebook on repeat, like, 10 years old.

[Addie]

Jurassic park and Star wars. And those scared me.

[Abby]

See, you had a brother. I never saw Jurassic Park. Still have never seen Star Wars.

[Addie]

I think I'd say you still have never seen Jurassic Park.

[Abby]

I've never seen it. I don't care to.

[Addie]

It's so good.

[Abby]

Dinosaurs. I don't care. I have a son, so I'll probably see it.

[Addie]

It's such a good movie. Yeah, Abby.

[Abby]

I know.

[Addie]

Oh, my God. I know.

[Abby]

I like my TV to be really light and okay.

[Addie]

That's true.

[Abby]

Yeah. I don't want to sweat. I don't want to cry.

[Addie]

You don't want to feel anything?

[Abby]

I don't want to feel anything. I just want to laugh and just then go to bed. You know what I mean?

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby]

You know what I mean?

[Addie]

We watch different types of.

[Eddie]

We do.

[Abby]

We do. Something light. Coming up is the Bachelorette.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

I'm actually gonna watch this season. I have not watched in a long time.

[Addie]

I said I would only watch it if I watched it with you guys. If it was like, I could lump it into, like, family sister bonding.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Eddie]

We're gonna do it.

[Abby]

We're gonna do it.

[Eddie]

We're gonna make it happen.

[Abby]

Yes. Yeah. Is that what it is?

[Eddie]

Let's double check.

[Addie]

I don't know.

[Abby]

I thought they changed it from Bachelor Monday.

[Eddie]

Well, that's during. During football season. It's not on Mondays.

[Abby]

The girls lost went down. The boys dominated the TVs. Yeah. Taylor, Frankie Paul is the Bachelorette.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abby]

I actually watched TikTok Girly.

[Eddie]

We gotta watch Sunday, Sunday, Sunday, March 22nd.

[Addie]

I like Sundays.

[Abby]

March is busy. You guys get a lot of good shows in March.

[Addie]

What else is in March?

[Abby]

Virgin river, season eight. It may be.

[Addie]

I thought that one was sad.

[Eddie]

No.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby]

I mean, it's kind of like a drama, but it's nice. I don't know. I like it.

[Addie]

Virgin River. I feel like only grandmas watch that show.

[Eddie]

I've never heard of that.

[Abby]

I loved it. She is our kid's grandma. Well, we were gonna do.

[Addie]

I wanted to ask really quickly, before we started on that one, I wanted to ask what we thought about the advertisement, because I. It just popped up on my Instagram. She's holding the book.

[Abby]

I didn't see it.

[Addie]

It says the Book of More Men, and I feel like that had to cause a rise. I didn't. I don't, like, really know the commentary.

[Abby]

A lot of the advertising that these serializer Mormon wives their show does. I'm like, the LDS Church. They just had to be so furious about.

[Addie]

I was like, are they offended? I think they probably should be. I'm offended for them. I'm not a member of the church, but I'm offended.

[Eddie]

Abigail can say, you see all the way over here.

[Addie]

Do you see that it has the church window in the back? Like.

[Abby]

Yeah, that's.

[Addie]

I'm not surprised, but I was a little surprised, actually.

[Abby]

It's. Yeah. Why are they carrying it on? I know. The Bachelor is so separate from secret everything.

[Addie]

The Book of Mormon.

[Eddie]

You gotta stop claiming You're Mormon. We know you're not the Book of Mormon.

[Abby]

That's a great play on words.

[Addie]

I was like, wow, we really went there. Okay. Okay. So what are we doing?

[Abby]

What are we doing? This is Addy's idea. This is fun.

[Eddie]

This is my idea. We're going to. They just announced all of the candidates. Candidates?

[Abby]

Yeah, the bachelors.

[Eddie]

The bachelors who are going on to the Bachelor.

[Addie]

Bachelors.

[Eddie]

And so we're going to look through them and we have pictures of each of them, their age, role, and where they live, and we're going to give them superlatives. What happened?

[Addie]

She got a bad bat.

[Abby]

They never look good in these pictures.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby]

They're always better at these pictures.

[Eddie]

Okay. Who stands out when you're with your first glance? Who's your first impression? Rose, who do you think's gonna get

[Abby]

just right off the job?

[Eddie]

Either your first impression or who you think's gonna get it.

[Addie]

I feel like Brandon looks nice.

[Abby]

Where's Brandon? Yeah, he does look nice.

[Addie]

He's got a friendly smile.

[Eddie]

He's a loan officer. You have to pass a test. You have to pass a test to be a loan officer. A hard test. So you do. He might be smart. Yeah, you do.

[Abby]

I'm gonna say Shane. I'm going Shane. Private wealth planner 28. Elena Jordan.

[Addie]

She's not smiling with teeth.

[Abby]

Abby, is that a red flag for you?

[Addie]

He just doesn't look warm.

[Eddie]

Can I tell you mine?

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I also feel like Michael looks like a sweetie.

[Eddie]

This is my problem. I like Malik.

[Abby]

Malik. Yeah, I could see that. I could see that. I could see her liking Malik. Is this your first impression of us or hers? Yeah.

[Addie]

Are you talking about yours?

[Abby]

O. You look nothing like Blake. Eddie. I love it.

[Eddie]

I love it. Okay, sorry. Let me get back to her.

[Abby]

She has a good batch of men.

[Addie]

Trenton looks nice. Brandon looks nice. And Michael looks nice. Oh, and Rod looks.

[Abby]

Sometimes I feel like they give him fake jobs. Like, Doug is a ocean lifeguard. I'm like, surely, Doug.

[Eddie]

Well, what do we think about the kind of chiropractic healer. He's not a chiropractor. He's a chiropractor.

[Abby]

Former pro baseball player. I'm like, what's his current job? You know what I mean?

[Eddie]

Well, he's a tech executive. That's all I gotta say.

[Addie]

I actually should probably say, I don't think that she's probably gonna go for the nicest guy who's going home night one.

[Abby]

Oh, I don't know. I don't want to be mean.

[Addie]

Yeah, that's sad.

[Abby]

I'm just gonna say just because of age. Matt is 43.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

I just think that feels more on the older end for her. I know they had to get all ages. I could even say maybe Christopher because he's 35. I don't really see her going for, like, older. Trenton's 35, though, and I could see her going for Trenton, but that's because he looks like her exes, I think.

[Addie]

Well, because she. Okay. She has three kids.

[Eddie]

Yeah. It's a factor.

[Addie]

Big factor.

[Abby]

She's a mom. Yeah.

[Addie]

And so I wonder if any of

[Eddie]

these men are dads.

[Addie]

So potentially she would need to find a guy that maybe doesn't want to have any more kids or.

[Abby]

So maybe older is better.

[Addie]

Yeah, that's a good point.

[Abby]

Abby, question.

[Eddie]

They don't want anyone who's there for the wrong reasons, but they're casting a social media person, like, as someone who's a public figure for the first time as the bachelorette. And so do we think any of these guys are there for the wrong reasons on your pictures? Oh, this is why feel shallow. But this is how it starts.

[Addie]

Brad looks like one of my high school teachers, but he's just a cowboy and entrepreneur. It's not him.

[Eddie]

Oh, cowboy. Interesting.

[Addie]

A cowboy that lives in Newport Beach. I love that. The ritziest area of California.

[Abby]

Cowboy. It's also slash entrepreneur.

[Addie]

I know. Yes.

[Abby]

Okay, who's here? Who looks like maybe they're here for the wrong reasons? Let's look at Josh.

[Eddie]

Richard. Richard, the photographer.

[Abby]

Photographer. Because he's kind of in the art space. Maybe I could even say maybe Trenton. He's a pro athlete.

[Addie]

Well, Richard is not here for the right reasons. I can just already tell.

[Abby]

Conrad, very general startup founder. He could be trying to get his company's name out there as a startup founder.

[Eddie]

Clayton Conrad, Singer, Songwriter.

[Abby]

Singer, songwriter. Screams. I want to, like, become Instagram famous.

[Addie]

Nashville. You know, I do think that Doug might be a villain.

[Abby]

Arc Doug.

[Addie]

Just based on his shirt.

[Abby]

He's got great eyes.

[Eddie]

Brad has 158 Instagram, thousand Instagram followers.

[Abby]

Where's Brad?

[Eddie]

Cowboy.

[Abby]

Okay, maybe he's there for clout. Honestly, I just don't even blame these people.

[Addie]

But then wouldn't you say he'd be the least likely to be there for clout because he already has a following?

[Eddie]

I don't think so. I think he wants more.

[Abby]

Do you think because she is famous that it would be good for her to find someone that already has some clout like that? Doesn't Care about the attention.

[Eddie]

I was thinking maybe.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

So Clayton also has 44, 000, and he's the singer songwriter.

[Abby]

That's cool. Hey, I'm really rooting for her. I want her to find a great man.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

She has three adorable children. And yeah, I'm rooting for her. I love her. On Secret Lies of Mormon Wives off the jump.

[Addie]

I think Michael looks like a kind man.

[Eddie]

Who do you think's winning last? Wrap it up.

[Addie]

Who do you think she's gonna get married to? The person that she ends up with. If I'm.

[Eddie]

Oh, okay, then who's she gonna end up with? Who's getting her final rose?

[Addie]

Maybe Malik.

[Abby]

Malik.

[Eddie]

I'm rooting for Malik.

[Addie]

You never know.

[Abby]

I'm gonna stick with Shane. First impression and last impression, actually.

[Addie]

Yeah, I'm gonna agree with that.

[Abby]

You think Shane's gonna get the final rose?

[Addie]

There's a million reasons why my opinion on this means zero percent, because I've never watched Mormon Wives. I never have watched Bachelorette since maybe 2019.

[Eddie]

We're gonna watch this season and we will.

[Addie]

So my opinion is nothing.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Addie]

But, gosh, I wouldn't want to be in her position.

[Abby]

I used to want to be on the but okay. I was always dating Kale, but I'm like, if Kilman ever broke up, would I go on the show? Yeah.

[Addie]

Really? You'd apply Abby as the Bachelorette to watch your season?

[Abby]

I would have gotten those great time. I would have been like, I feel

[Addie]

like Matt would be like, yeah, babe, you go do it. Like, he was support me.

[Eddie]

The first ever married Bachelorette.

[Addie]

Honestly, America's headed in that direction.

[Eddie]

They are, unfortunately.

[Addie]

We really should make a doctor cry.

[Abby]

Let's not give them the those ideas.

[Addie]

We would not watch it.

[Eddie]

We don't want it.

[Addie]

Like, it is the most dramatic season.

[Abby]

I always think back, remember that season where they made the men choose between Caitlyn and the other girl? Yes. And I look back on that and I'm like, that is disgusting that they put those two girls. They said, we can't decide who we want the bachelor to be, so we'll let the guys choose. So on the night one, the guys

[Addie]

weren't even applying for a specific person. They were applying.

[Eddie]

No, they never are.

[Abby]

But some of them were. And then some of them left. Like when the girls they choose didn't

[Addie]

want, well, then they probably ended up with her.

[Abby]

But imagine the self esteem hit like you're a girl and you're meeting all these guys night one, and they're coming in and they have to cast their vote and then you get booted.

[Addie]

Well, that's how I feel like the whole show is for anyone that's not the single person looking for anyone that's willing to share a girlfriend or boyfriend with 20 other people.

[Abby]

I just felt so icky about. I'm like, you're in the men's shoes. Come on.

[Eddie]

Well, that's like when they did the whole. Did you watch the duel season when they had two bachelorettes at the same time, Gabby and Katie? No, they. The girls got roses and they gave them to the men. But then sometimes they would. The men would decline because they wanted to rose from the other girl.

[Abby]

That's when you know they're losing the plot, when they have to start doing crazy stuff to keep people interested.

[Eddie]

Well, that's what this season is.

[Addie]

The next documentary will for sure be about the Bachelor.

[Abby]

I know.

[Addie]

I can't wait.

[Abby]

I can't wait for. Hear all this.

[Addie]

All. All these reality TV shows are quaking in their boots.

[Abby]

They totally are. Well, I am excited to watch and I hope Taylor, she's gonna be a great. She's gonna be great on the show. Well, something that I like to do. Position to think of a segue.

[Addie]

Yeah. In my segue was in my head. I was like, what would drive men to submit themselves to reality tv? Only loneliness. Extreme loneliness.

[Abby]

I like that one too. Anyway, we're talking about loneliness. There was this comment on the last episode or two episodes ago, she said, I love this episode. Quick question. Can you guys touch up on how you resolve conflict or how do you plan to resolve conflict as sister in laws? If it was to happen? Do you have plans in place for that? Can you talk about what you did to become really close? And I feel like that's a good framework for us. I feel like we can talk a little bit about conflict, but the second half of that, we get asked a lot like, how did we become so close? Which is such a sweet question.

[Addie]

It is sweet.

[Abby]

And I honestly give most the credit to you because you're just a very good includer. But I just feel like we. We could talk on that. Talk on that. And we were discussing this question. We realized that a lot of moms are really lonely. And so we started kind of diving into more about that and when to talk about that. And there's some pretty staggering facts and information out there. I think the one that we were both kind of shocked by is that 80% of 80 to 90.

[Addie]

Some research suggests that 80 to 90% of new mothers Are lonely.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

So it's just. It's so common, and I feel like I've definitely experienced that. I feel like I probably felt that a little bit more when I was. When I had just had cj, my first. Because I do feel like there's an element when it's your first baby and your baby can't go to the park, can't go to play dates, you can't really do any activities yet with your baby. That. That felt very isolating. And also, your baby's small and you're nursing, and there are just a lot of factors. I feel like when you have one child that make it kind of hard when you have multiple. I felt like with Vivian, I haven't felt that as much in the newborn season. I feel like it's a little easier to get out and about and do things. So I feel like that does play a role into it. But I remember feeling lonely after having cj, and so I thought we would just kind of talk about that, like, what did we do to make friends? How we fostered friendships in this season, especially being parents and. Yeah. Our thoughts on that.

[Addie]

First of all, my. I have, like, a lot of opinions on loneliness and motherhood, like, the relationship between the two of the things, because I can easily see. See where this would happen in the type of culture we have created in America specifically today. But I know that, like, a lot of these statistics come from the uk, too. And I think it's because, like, I'm almost afraid to share this opinion because I feel like people are gonna be mad. But this is. I feel like this is almost undeniable is that, like, as a society, we really, really heavily praise independence. There's good aspects of that, but in motherhood, that's not necessarily something to necessarily be praised.

[Abby]

Sure.

[Addie]

Like, of course, you can do everything on your own as a mom.

[Abby]

Right.

[Addie]

You can. But what is the cost of that?

[Abby]

Right.

[Addie]

Your mental health.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Your physical health. Like, so many things. And ultimately, like, I. This can go on to so many other things ultimately, like, you're not being necessarily a great role model for your children. And I think that we don't talk about that enough. And the other thing. So we overpraise independence and we shame moms who ask for help. And I think these are the two major, major pitfalls and how America treats new moms today. And it's probably why we see birth rate going down. People are putting off having kids because it seems so daunting and miserable. And then new moms are experiencing, like, Record high levels of depression, anxiety, like all these other mental health crises in hindsight. And it's. And I think loneliness is probably one of the key factors of that. Yeah.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Okay. I also want to acknowledge, I feel very privileged that I have an awesome family that lives close to me, and that is, like, I really trust with my kids, and I know that they keep our kids best interested at heart. But I do want to also bring up the point that we have multiple friends that have no family here that live in Arizona, like, in our community, and they're around us all the time. And I know all of our friends would watch their kids and have watched their kids multiple times and, like, have or just, like, want to hang out or, like, do dinners together or do all these things. So it doesn't mean that, like, if you don't have that within your own family, that it's all over for you. Yeah.

[Abby]

I think there are ways to build the community and your village to help. Certainly. I agree. Well, I'm curious why you said that. You think that that's a bad role

[Addie]

model, not taking care of yourself.

[Abby]

Oh, oh, sure, sure, sure.

[Addie]

Like letting your physical health, your mental health, not having your own friendships as an adult. Like, I don't think that's a good role model for your kid. Like, to be having friendships, getting out in the community, taking care of your body, taking care of your mind. Like, that's what I'm referring to. And we have a lot of talks with my kids about that, too, because I'm like, well, it's really important for mom to, like, go out and, you know, work out at the gym, and, like, it's good for, like, my health, and I think it just becomes, like, the standard. But I feel like we. It's easier to have those discussions about our physical health than it is our mental health. And I always make sure. I say. And I was like, honestly, I just think it's. I get to see my friends, which is really important for me too, and I get to, like, it makes me feel happy and excited and motivated for my day. And so that's what I was referring to.

[Abby]

That makes sense.

[Addie]

What would you think? How did I make that sound?

[Abby]

I. I thought you said if the. If you're showing independence or, like, trying to be independent and doing it all yourself, that's a bad role model.

[Addie]

Oh, no. Okay.

[Abby]

Well, I, I, yeah, I agree with your. The clarification of it, for sure. Yeah. I think there is something to it. It's like the days where I'm home all Day long with the kids and like not getting out of the house. It's not even that my kids are making me feel impatient. It's just not leaving the house and just being isolated that makes me feel impatient. It's like CJ and Vivian aren't doing anything. But if I'm not like getting out, seeing the sun, and speaking to people outside of myself or even just speaking at all. Because sometimes I'm just not saying that much, I start to feel impatient and snappy. And I notice I'm not a very kind mom sometimes. And so it's really good for me mentally to get out and like, see people. So, yeah, I just. I can't imagine. I can imagine a lot of moms. Like, it is hard and sometimes it is expensive to join a gym. It is hard to go, you know, to the park if you have little babies. So then what do you do? How do you do it?

[Addie]

Well, I do think you can take babies to parks, actually today. I was at the park today with my kids and some friends. And there's a ton of people at the park. Cause it's beautiful here in Arizona. And I thought it was really sweet. There were two moms that were there. They had just like little tiny babies. And they did not have any bigger kids, but they were at the park. Cause they were just walking around with their little strollers, were baby wearing. And I think that also just goes to show is like, you're your. Your days can be so long as a mom. And those days where I stay home all day, like if my kids are sick, I feel that I'm like, wow, this day feels like really, really long. Like I feel like I have run out of things to like do with my kids. I feel like they're bored. We're bored. But we make it a point. We go out every single morning. So like, this is our like everyday routine. We go to the gym and then we go and have some type of funtivity. And kudos to my friends because I don't plan them apparently. Okay. I guess Matt and I have been discussing whether or not I'm type A or type B. Matt thinks you're a mix. Okay. And so I was like, I don't plan the events, but I should.

[Abby]

I think you're type B.

[Eddie]

Like you're type B, but you're on the cusp of being A. I told

[Addie]

Matt I was like, if I was married, if I was married to somebody else, I think I would sway way more type B. But because Matt is so type B,

[Eddie]

you Have to be a little bit more.

[Addie]

I feel like I just tried to find some type of equilibrium, but someone else went away. Friends plans it, and she's awesome. And then we just all go out and do a fun thing with the kids. It's great for the kids. They have their friend, they learn from their friends, they learn to socialize. But more importantly, I'm with them the whole time. And it's also, like, we just always talk in the car and we have so much fun. Anyway, that breaks up the day so much. First of all, your house doesn't get trashed in the early part of the day. I don't want to start off my day with a trashed house.

[Eddie]

Sure, sure.

[Addie]

And that is great. But I don't know. I'm going off on a rampage. But it just. Or on a rant. Rant. I'm going off on a rant. I'm going off on a rant. But I'm saying if you could instill some type of, like, part of your routine where you get out and you see your friends and they. Your friends that have other kids like, your age. I think everyone's day goes so much smoother. It really does. And it doesn't mean that, like, I needed their help necessarily. Even, like, I didn't need their help. I could go to the park by myself with my kids, and we have many times. But it just. There's just something about that aspect that just, like, fills my cup up for the rest of the day, where I'm like, I got some adult interaction. I got to be with my kids all morning. And I feel like a lot of that is just. It's hard to cultivate that. And so I guess that leads to the question of, like, how do you get there?

[Abby]

Well, I think, too, you don't necessarily, just because you have kids, have to stop hanging out. People that don't have kids. Like, I remember when I had cj, I think it was a very fortunate time to wear. All my friends had babies around the same time. But when we were in Kansas City, I had friends that had kids and no one else did. And, like, they would still come and hang out all the time. And, like, I loved holding their baby.

[Addie]

And.

[Abby]

And, of course, obviously, you can't relate on the same level to things, but I was grateful that they didn't. It'd be so easy to isolate, like, oh, I don't want to nurse in public or nurse in front of people. And, like, sometimes you just have to get over those mental hurdles and still engage. I Think that's a big thing is we have to challenge ourselves as moms to get over the mental hurdle of things and just get out the door.

[Addie]

It gets so much easier. It's a muscle. It really is a muscle. It's an active flex. It's strengthened. Yeah. Because, like, it feels. I remember, like, getting out of the house the first time with one and then with two is a whole different ballgame. Getting out of the house is like,

[Abby]

you have to rip the band aid off.

[Addie]

Rip the band aid.

[Abby]

And you have to practice.

[Addie]

And you have to overcome some fears, too, because you're like, what if this happens? And I'm not in the place that I know so well. That is so comfortable to me. And so, yeah, you have to overcome some fears. For sure.

[Abby]

For sure.

[Eddie]

I think something else to mention is if you are like you, you have the flexibility that you work in the afternoons. Like, you get to have that time. A lot of people who are working moms don't necessarily have, like, that big chunk of time you can do. Like, I typically work 9 to 5 every day. I still go to the gym every morning. And I take Brielle with me, so she gets her interaction with people. I get my interaction with people. I work all day, and then she gets to hang out with dad when she goes home. So you can still squeeze it in if you make it a priority. You said it the other day, and I think that's really important to say is you're in charge of your time, saying you don't have enough time for something. You're choosing that if that's what you want to make time for. And so I make sure I get up every morning so I can go to the gym and I can get out, and that's what I'm making time for in my week. So then I can have that interaction. Brielle gets to hang out with people, and we do it that way, too. So I feel like being in charge of your time is important to, like, recognize you're actually in charge of it.

[Addie]

I think that actually brings up a good question for me because, like, in that research, I Wonder if the 80 to 90% of that I was assuming stay at home moms.

[Abby]

Yeah, I was, too. Okay, Lonely. But I think working moms probably do too.

[Addie]

Working moms are also probably lonely, but they do have that, like, adult interaction of going to the workplace during the day most of the time. Yeah, I would see.

[Abby]

I could see it being really hard to form good friendships if you're a working mom. Because when do you have time to invest in friends because you're going your job, then you just want to be home with your kids.

[Addie]

Right.

[Abby]

And your husband, you know, and so I could imagine that being a whole different ballgame.

[Addie]

It's a whole different ball game.

[Abby]

So I guess maybe we should narrow our body.

[Addie]

Speaking to stay at home moms.

[Abby]

Okay, Perfect. I think that's a great point, though.

[Addie]

Just in general, just if you're a

[Eddie]

working mom, I feel like that is.

[Abby]

Yeah. Making even time.

[Eddie]

I mean, a lot of people, too, are working remotely, which is even more isolating for.

[Abby]

That's so true.

[Eddie]

Making friendships is really hard. Or I think I made a lot of friends when I worked in an office. I was never a mom then, but I made friends working in an office. But working from home is a. A lot different. Or you're working with a small team, and that's like, not a part of your friendship. Making is at your workplace, and you have to make time for it.

[Abby]

Yeah, totally. I feel like that's good. We can kind of talk about where we've made friends. I feel like I've made a lot of friends. Most of my friends have come from church or the gym. And I think I sometimes hear the price tag of, like, these boutique fitness gyms. I'm like, man, that's really expensive. But I think it's not just an investment in, like, your physical health. It's not just a workout class. When you're going somewhere and you're going repeating, it's become a part of your routine, you're going to start forming community and relationships in those places. And I think sometimes that is more important than the physical benefits. And I'm like, man, that you think you budget, okay, you budget $100 a month to go out to eat. But, like, if you budget a hundred dollars towards the gym, you're gonna make so many friends, you know?

[Addie]

And I just feel like they'll cook dinner for you.

[Abby]

That'll cook dinner for you, baby. Don't go out to eat and change that budget to go make friends, because I think it's just so good for your mental health. And I think boutique gym is the best place to make friendships.

[Eddie]

Blake and I were on a tight budget, and we had a serious. I wouldn't even say serious, because Blake just said yes. When I was talking about it, I was like, it's expensive. But one, I was pregnant, and I was like, this. I really want to stay into fitness, and this will help me stay reliable. And this is where all the moms are that I know. Like, this will be fun. And he was just like, yes. And we just reworked the budget because it was important to me, and totally, it's been. So I just hit, like, my one year of, like, being in person.

[Addie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Because I was doing it on demand for a while, so it's like. I completely agree.

[Abby]

Yeah, it's. It's hard. And, you know, I'm sure there are different price points and different budgets, but if you can make that work, I feel like the gym and a place that has child care. Addie, like, you're saying, like, that's a huge benefit, and if you want to be around specifically other moms, finding a gym that has child care is probably the best way, I think.

[Addie]

I've also poached a lot of my friends off of other friends.

[Abby]

Huh?

[Addie]

Like, I've been like, oh, you're friends? I think I. I definitely poached Val off of you.

[Abby]

Well, I poached everyone off of you.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I was gonna say, I punched a lot of people off.

[Abby]

When we first moved here, you and Matt invited us over every single day for dinner. Almost every single day.

[Addie]

I know, but that's so nice.

[Abby]

But I'm like, they are making us a lot of meals. And then when you were hanging out with friends, you'd always invite me to come. I would just. That meant so much to me because I didn't know anybody, and you had friends here, and that's, like. That alone, it was just so, like, helped so much.

[Addie]

Yeah. Poach your friends. Do whatever you gotta do. I mean, seriously. Gosh. And any good friends not gonna be like, you took out with me?

[Abby]

I'm like, going out, Val?

[Eddie]

You're like, no, we all love Val.

[Addie]

Yeah, I know Val.

[Eddie]

Here's your daily. Your weekly shout out.

[Abby]

She's getting famous comment below.

[Eddie]

Say, we love you, Val.

[Abby]

She's gonna love that.

[Addie]

And neighbors, like, people just like that living around you. If you're in an apartment building, that's even better. There's a lot more closer to you. Like, and. And obviously, some of these don't happen as organically, but there are. So I've actually been looking into, and I want to find a way that we can partner, as always, your podcast with a local charity, because there's actually already organizations doing this very thing, even in our local area that are helping moms find community. Because this is. I mean, we called it the loneliness epidemic, but it's really true.

[Abby]

It is.

[Addie]

And obviously, we all know. I feel like we're tired of talking about it, but our devices are not helping us in this because we start to feel like we're like seeing all these people. Like, I actually haven't even talked to them in years. But like. And so we're, we're definitely losing. We're losing relationships, we're losing interactions. Motherhood specifically can be like a very, very isolating time.

[Abby]

Yeah. There was a stat on one of those articles that said loneliness affects your health just as much as, what, 15 cigarettes a day? Yeah, that's a really crazy statistic. Yeah, it's really crazy. I mean, I believe it because I just picture and maybe this is like the stereotypical, but just sitting at home alone in like the dark with the blind shut, you know, it's like, that's just. I mean, it's just sad. That's just the fact of it. And like, I've had days like that, you know, and so. Yeah, I can't imagine if that's every day.

[Addie]

Yeah. Well, one of these statistics said, like it was in the uk, but I think this probably like, would be very similar in America. That the new mom typically spends about eight hours a day alone with the baby. That's your whole day. I mean, I think it's also worth saying that that loneliness. So say you're alone all day with your baby. Once again, I'm speaking to stay at home moms. Like eight hours a day with your baby, your husband comes home from work and you're then without even meaning to, but kind of subconsciously asking your spouse to fill all these other roles for you, which also puts a huge strain on your marriage.

[Abby]

Yeah, that's so true.

[Addie]

Like when Matt is like, hanging out with buddies or like, I am having a girls night, I just, I know that I'm like, I'm so happy for him because I'm like, he's gonna just like be so happy and filled up by this.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And like, he's so excited and always roots me on to like hang out with girls too, because we just come back charged up in a different way than like with your spouse. They can only fill so many roles. I'm like, you can't girl chatter with me. Like, I try sometimes. Gosh, sometimes it works.

[Abby]

And also, even though Caleb's with me all day long, he doesn't understand the thing about being a mom.

[Addie]

Like, or breastfeeding, breastfeeding and the things

[Abby]

that you think about and all this stuff. And like, I'm grateful to have these thoughts and carry these responsibilities, but, like, they also do need to be talked about. Sometimes with other women that just get it.

[Addie]

You know, Also, this is also gonna. Could sound really wrong, but I do. I saw. I've heard someone else bring up this point. Oh, no, I think it was Arthur Brooks. He's A comparison is actually a good and healthy thing. I don't want to put this in his mouth. If this is like, it can be a good and healthy thing in which it's like, okay, I don't know how many times I'm like, okay, like, we tried this with the kids. Like, temp check. What do we think? Like, is this the right way to go about it? And it's not like you're giving your friends the role of parenting your children or, like, the authority of, like, how you run your household. But, like, it's really good to just like, get some. Gain some perspective.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Or it's like they started doing this. It's like, oh, yeah.

[Abby]

Oh, yeah. That's normal.

[Addie]

That's normal. We've been. We've been doing that for months over here. Like, we're still working on that type of thing. Or, like, we noticed this even just, like, a health thing. Like, one of our friends, her husband's a resident. I can't tell you how many times I've just been like, hey, should I take him in for this? Is this, like, a thing? And I'm like, that is seriously. Like, I'm not saying use your friends, but, like, we all have your strengths that can contribute to one another to just make this season so much more. So much less scary, honestly.

[Abby]

Yeah, totally.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I think also when we were saying how you. When you go do things and you're charged by them, or Matt gets to go do things and you go hang out with your girls. Like, Blake does the same with me, where anytime I asked to hang out with people, he's always like, yes. Like, not that it's a. Not that I'm asking permission, but I think there's not many men who watch this podcast or husbands, probably, but it's so encouraging to have your husband want you to go do those things. And so I think tell your husbands to be happy for you.

[Addie]

Really good dads, too, because it's like, I literally. When I go out last Friday, I went to dinner, and we were with a bunch of other moms, and they're like, yeah, I had to beg my husband to like. And I was like, oh, I didn't even. I literally went home. I was like, matt, thank you so much. She's like, yeah.

[Abby]

Oh, wow. That's. Wow. That's interesting.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

Like, they didn't want to be alone with the kids.

[Addie]

Yeah. For. On a Friday night.

[Abby]

Oh.

[Addie]

And I was like, okay. I was like, thank you. So he's like, yeah, I'm their dad.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And like, I don't even think. I'm like, I'm not like, did they eat? Did they. Did they get a. Like, I'm like, he can fully do literally everything.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And there's a learning curve that like, obviously if you have a baby and you're just both still figuring it out, but like, these people didn't all just have babies. And so I was just like, wow, Be grateful. Yeah, be grateful. And then also, like, make sure that you, you and your spouse are probably both on the same page of like, this is a really important thing that, like, in this new season of our life, this can feel like, you know, we're trying to trim the fat. Right. Like, okay, we gotta get what we need to get done. Because it feels like your plate is so full. It's like, this is actually something that has to stay and has to stay a priority.

[Abby]

Yeah, it does.

[Addie]

And it can look so different. Like, honestly, when I'm saying, like, socializing, I'm literally talking about like, tonight we're going to our friends house that also has kids and we're just eating dinner at their house.

[Abby]

Yeah. It doesn't have to be just mom to mom. Like, your husband can be included. Like, right from through our church, Caleb and I have community group. We've met with these same. There's eight of us total. We've met every week for three years every week and had dinner together. And we'll just. Then we'll split up like guys and girls, and the girls would go chat for like an hour and the guys will go chat and we'll just share, like, because not everything needs to be shared between men and women, you know, but it's like, that's just so filling. And when you have repetition, I think to answer the question of how we got so close, like, it really is time. Like, we've just spent so much time. We've prioritized love time, and we've like included each other in a lot of things. And so when you invest in. In people, you'll get those relationships back. And so I think it's just taking those steps. Like, you would always invite us over for dinner. You still always invite us over for dinner. I'm like, you guys, I love making dinner. It made me sad when you guys knew that we were gonna tell you. We Were pregnant because, like, they never invited.

[Addie]

I was like, that's not true.

[Abby]

Well, maybe it's true. So I've been trying to be better.

[Addie]

No, you.

[Abby]

I've been trying to be better about it and just like, inviting, you know, just like, including people into your. Your world.

[Addie]

And I think it was. Because it was a weeknight too.

[Abby]

That is a huge factor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're not hanging out. Kale wakes up so early. Yeah, we're not hanging out the weeknights, but, yeah, investing time in people. I think, like, when we're. How that relates to the gyms. Like, if you're going to the same class times, you see the same people all the time, you get that FaceTime and you just start to, like, remember names and people and places. And that's really good. So, like, repetition.

[Addie]

That's actually represented in research too. Not to be like, give us the facts. No, but they're. And I'm not gonna quote the correct thing, but it's. People miss mistakenly think that it's these peak experiences that are what bonds you to a person and makes them a good friend. So they think, like, oh, I went study abroad with them for, like a month, and we saw all these crazy sites together. We're gonna be best friends for life. Chances are you're never gonna meet up with them again. Yeah. I'm thinking summer camp experiences, like, oh, this random person that you, like, went skydiving with. One, like all these random things. You would think that, like, oh, we experienced, like, really high highs and low lows together. We're gonna be the. Like, that's not actually what the case. Right. It's consistency over time. And a lot of those things tend to be mundane, like eating dinner, going on walks, even just like, I don't know, getting coffee together or just, like, watching kids together. Those are the things that prove to build stronger relationships with people. And so it shouldn't feel. I know it can feel overwhelming, but knowing that it should feel a little relieving to know. It's like, okay, I made major progress today because we sipped coffee while our kids crawled around the playground. Yeah, that was progress. And like, you don't have to put all these pressures around it. And maybe some friends are just friends for a season. Or maybe it's like, okay, like, there doesn't have to be all these pressures around them. It's just the fact that you have to know that it's important for you and for others. And because the other thing, too, is that you're also serving those around you too. It's not just so you can, like, take care of yourself. Like, I just think about our own friend group. Like, I was actually just thinking about this when I was making dinner the other night. Like so many, oh my gosh, it's gonna make me cry. I care about the, I care about these women, like so much. And I just think about everyone's stage of life. Like, a lot of our friends are going through some serious, serious stuff and I'm so thankful that they don't have to do it alone, that we're all like carrying those burdens together because that's just how, that's how we were designed. And I feel like we have strayed as a culture from that so heavily. Yeah. And yeah, I'm just, I'm just thinking about that a lot because I just think about all the meal trains that we've had within our friend groups and it's for all kinds of different reasons.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Some of them are really sad and some of them are celebrations and it's just like. Which also I should say that that's a really good thing. We should announce, like, meal trains are a great thing for your friends. Like, it's just a website that you can like sign up to make a meal for friends. But nothing really shows love and nurturing than like a home cooked meal when you're struggling the most or when you're entering a new season and like you're just trying to get your feet on the ground again.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

So that's a really great way to also build community and share with your friends. I can't think about like how many meal trains we've had.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I was gonna say I got invited to another meal train for someone at church today and I was reflecting on Ed this morning. I was like, just, I don't know why the meal train, it just hit me like that I was like, there so many people are surrounding so many people and it's really, really cool to see and being a part of that and being someone who can step in. And I'm like, I'm signing up for a meal train for someone who brought me one a month ago. Like, it's really, really cool to just be able to make someone dinner and bring it to their house and know that they were thinking about you or praying over that meal as they were making it. And like, it's very intentional taking the time out of their day to make that for you. And it really is really special.

[Addie]

The kids, birthday parties. Think about how many birthdays we've spent with, like, I think I've been to every single one of all of our friends. Like, I'm like, oh, I went to your first, your second, your third. Like, and it's like, I know kids birthday parties get made fun of, but honestly love them.

[Abby]

It's for the parents.

[Addie]

It's for the parents. Like, it's so fun.

[Abby]

We could still socialize.

[Addie]

Like, our. The dads have started hanging out. Matt and some of the dads have Hot Dad Saturday.

[Abby]

Every Saturday.

[Addie]

I always make fun of Matt, though, because being the type B parent that he is, every time there's hot dad Saturday. Every Saturday morning my kid comes home, I'm like, I never bought this brand of diapers. I find wrappers in our car. I'm like, I've never bought these snacks before. And I'm like, did you pack a diaper bag? He's amazing. Doesn't think ahead like a mom.

[Abby]

He's not back in a bag.

[Addie]

And my friends are like, yeah, I sent them with extra because I knew

[Abby]

that that's how, you know, like, there's

[Eddie]

such a sweet community that they know that.

[Addie]

Literally, Caitlin's always like, I packed it. She's like, I. I knew my kids wouldn't eat them. She's like, I thought about you, and I cut these up this morning.

[Abby]

Like, how many moms pack snacks for CJ When I was like, he doesn't eat snacks. And then he gets in, he's like, snacks you guys always have extras for. Because I type B.

[Addie]

Type B?

[Abby]

Yeah. It's, I think, to your point, Addie, like, it's not a burden. People don't feel burdened by your presence or burdened by you asking for help or even if you're not asking for it.

[Addie]

Like, an honor.

[Abby]

It's an honor to come alongside other women and do that and just be there for one another. So never think of your time as, like, I don't want to annoy them with my kid. Or what if my kids have a, you know, big feelings? It's like, every kid has big feelings, and, like, that's just part of it. And we never judge other people's kids. You know, it's like, we just parent alongside each other and like. Or like little babies, you know, it's like you just bring them along, and it's so fun having the baby there, you know? And so it's just never think about your. Your presence as, like, a burden. Or your kid is like, oh, they're gonna be annoyed by your kid.

[Eddie]

Like, they're.

[Abby]

They're gonna Love it. You know, I think sometimes those are, like, insecurities that are really common or, like, thoughts to go through your head, because it is just harder to get out the door that. Than when it's just yourself.

[Eddie]

Yeah. I was gonna add, in saying yes, when people are offering help or things like that, it's very easy to be like, no, no, no, no. It's okay. I don't want to bother you. But letting people serve you. I think I've said that before. Like, for example, you offered to watch Brielle on my birthday. And I think at the gym, I was like, I don't know. Let me ask Blake. I. I don't know. You know, I don't know if we have any plans. Like, you don't have to do that. And then Blake was like, no, let's do it. Like, And I. I don't know why I couldn't just be like, oh, yeah, that'd be great. Thanks. And it took. And you're my sister. Like, I was like, why did I hesitate to say, sure, that would be great if you could do that so we could go out to dinner? So I think saying yes more often is. Is Right.

[Addie]

Important, I think. And I think also the suggestion would maybe be if you're like, I want to start this, but people aren't like, I don't have that circle around me. The suggestion is what I give before, which is like, go first and be weird, but, like, literally be the first to offer. It's like, hey, why don't you guys go on a date this weekend? Bring your kids over. Our kids would love also. My kids love playing with other kids.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Like, it makes my job easier. I'm like, everyone's 100% entertained this whole time.

[Abby]

Yep.

[Addie]

And so I'm like. And then, like you said, saying yes to those things and then also, like, returning the favor every once in a while. And I think this also brings up the other point that I have hesitant to also share, but I don't. I think it's because we're afraid of talking about these things that it's not changing.

[Abby]

Sure.

[Addie]

I do also think that in culture today, anxious, overly anxious parenting is praise.

[Abby]

It's really damaging.

[Addie]

Yeah, it's praise too. It's like, yeah, I couldn't leave him with anybody for X, y, and z amount of time. It's like, that's not necessarily. Like, I don't. I don't want to be rude. Like, I want to honor that anxiety of, like, leaving your kid in the hands of someone else for Even a short amount of time is. Is a really scary thing when you've grown that kid and raised. Spent every waking hour that kid. But that. That temptation to, like, continue in that pattern, it's not serving your kid either. Like, it's really. Obviously only when safe hands.

[Abby]

Yeah. Only people you, like, trust with your life. Not just crying.

[Eddie]

Today was the first time I, like, have handed of my babysitter Brielle. Like, while Brielle's been awake, usually she's there when she's sleeping and she said hi. And then Brielle just. Just the biggest smile on her face. And it just like, it was really sweet to see her, like, be like, so happy to see her babysitter. And she's literally six months old. And so that just spoke to me right there, seeing that.

[Abby]

That's really sweet. It's. Yeah, it's so true. It's like, it's good for your kids to, like, get out of your house and be around other people too, and, you know, just experience that it's so healthy for them.

[Eddie]

And.

[Abby]

Yeah, obviously only, like, people you fully trust. Of course.

[Addie]

And not for long periods of time.

[Abby]

Yeah. It's not all day.

[Addie]

Yeah. And so it's like, obviously you as the mom are like, are uniquely equipped to be, like, the main nurturer and carrier for your kid. But this doesn't. You don't need to put this pressure on yourself that. Cause it's also unsustainable. And I think that's also why people are struggling so much in motherhood. And so, yeah, I just want to say, like, I literally love being a mom so much. I do not feel depleted by my kids. I don't feel like they hold me back in any way. And I am sad when I put them to bed at night. Like, it's like. Because I'm like, we had so much fun today. Like, why does it have to end? I feel that way literally almost every day. And I'm not saying you have to feel that way, but I'm just saying it doesn't have to feel like this monotonous, super. I don't, like, torturous thing.

[Abby]

Totally. And I Sometimes I think through. I think about what people get really anxious about online. It's like, okay, maybe you're not, like, the most prepared mom at you leave the door. And it's like, what's the worst that happened? Okay. They have a blowout. Okay. So you put them in their car seat and their diaper. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't have to Be perfect every time we go out. We don't have to. I just feel like the Internet puts so much pressure on moms to know all the things and do all the things and have the right gadgets and have the right bag and have all the gear and do all the things. Marketing, and we. But it aids. It adds. Then that's like, right, I need these things, and if I don't have them, then I'm probably not doing the best as a mom, not being the most efficient. And it's like, those are subliminal thoughts that are put on us. And it's like, I just saying, we need to cast all that off, and we need to say, we're done with that.

[Addie]

We're done.

[Abby]

We're done with that. It doesn't have to be that way. We don't have to make motherhood so dreadful. And I get so sad online when I see all these videos of parents, like, dogging on their kids and dogging up being a mom. And then the comments are like, this was great birth control. Great birth. I'm like, okay, first of all, knock it off, knock it off, knock it off. Like, we don't have to make motherhood this, like, big, scary, terrible thing. Like, it's so fun and amazing, and, like, your kids really just need you, and they love you, and they just need your time, and they need friends. And when you get to do it

[Addie]

together, it makes it, like, it's night and day different. Yes, you're gonna. And I promise you that. And I know it's so scary, and especially if you're moving or you feel like, oh, my schedule doesn't allow it. Like, it's like, just find tiny ways in which you can just do a little bit more and. And your family will feel a difference.

[Abby]

Yes, totally. We've been talking about this for so long.

[Addie]

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I'm so passionate about it.

[Abby]

I know. Me too. I think it's because we just see the lies so much online.

[Addie]

And I'm also just so grateful for our community. Seriously, Seriously. So grateful.

[Abby]

Yeah, it's amazing. Well, I would say, naturally, just having deep friendships and being really invested with people, you're gonna have conflict that comes up and arises.

[Addie]

People want to know what our fight was. Abby.

[Abby]

Oh, I heard Abby's feelings. I heard her feelings. And so what did I do? I called you the minute I found out that I hurt your feelings.

[Addie]

You did.

[Abby]

And I said, I'm sorry. And I just feel like that is. I think that's a big part. I picture I Always think through. I'm like, why do people have like strained relationships with their family or strained relationships with people in their life? I think it probably goes a lot with like, just really poorly handled conflict that's not resolved well. And I'm sure like a lot of repetitiveness of that. And so when I think about how I want to handle things, especially being family, it's like I. I do the same thing with my sisters. Like, I want to call and I want to make it right. And if I said something that hurts your feelings, then I want to apologize for it, even if I didn't recognize it. I think that's a lot of. It is like a lot of times not recognized totally. And I think understanding the intent of people is important, but like, yeah, I think just owning up to it and like swallowing your pride and just be like, man, I'm really sorry that I hurt your feelings. Will you forgive me?

[Addie]

You're literally the best at that. And it's like. And I feel like this is where it's like the. My fault in this whole conflict being vague and it's guys, by the way, it really wasn't that big of a deal. I feel like we also rarely, rarely have conflict, but it's like, big lesson for me is go directly to the person like that. And I feel like that's an also an honoring thing. It can feel like, especially if you're in a conflict, avoiding a avoidant person, it feels like you're maybe doing right by that person by just shutting up. It's not. That's not the case. Like it's honoring to that person to go directly to that person and say, hey, like, I know your heart and I know that you would never intend to do this, but X, Y and Z made me feel this way. And I guarantee that person, well, maybe, maybe if they're not used to that, maybe they won't handle it well. I don't know. But hopefully like in that moment, but hopefully down the line they'd be like, oh, you know, you were kind of right for that. I honestly think any good friend would be like, oh my gosh, like I am so. I had no idea. I did not mean to do that.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And yeah, I think a lot of this comes from just like knowing your friends hearts. And so like, I think women especially are like afraid to like say those things. But all that to say just bringing it out in the open. And I'm not saying. I think there's a lot of power in the art of letting things go. I'm not saying that, but when it's something that it's like, oh, man, this is. It feels like it's repeated. Or if this feels like something that I can't stop thinking about and it's affecting when I interact with them in person, like, things like that, it's affecting our interactions. It's like, just honor them by just going to them directly. And it doesn't have to be a fight. It doesn't have to be nasty. There doesn't have to be anything weird about it. And honestly, it can just be a really cordial conversation. And so it can be really hard to do, though, especially if you're like, oh, my gosh. Like, I know they don't mean this X, Y, or Z way.

[Abby]

Yeah. I was nervous to call. Like, you know, I was like, dang, like, this is gonna be hard. I just felt so bad, you know, because it's like you just don't realize sometimes the way that you do or don't say something can affect. And so, yeah, I mean, I remember being like. The last thing I want to do is, like, call and say this, because it is a hard conversation. But I was so glad sometimes then also just, like, sitting on those thoughts when you know you need to have that conversation with someone that is, like, sometimes even harder, you know, and it's like, she's gonna do it and call it, and it's okay to say, like, I was wrong, you know? Like, that's a good thing to say to people. It's good to swallow your pride and do that.

[Addie]

Abby is, like, literally the best person at taking any kind of criticism or feedback. Like, I just wish I could handle things that way.

[Eddie]

No, same. Honestly, you guys do.

[Abby]

You both do. I feel like you do.

[Eddie]

I feel like we had a similar type of thing, and you came to me and were asking if I was hurt by something, and I was like, I. I was like, you want me to be honest? Like, And I. And we got to have that conversation. I feel like, because I know you, we were able to have a very honest conversation about it. And I feel like knowing your heart behind it, I was like, I can be honest with her because I know her character. I know their feelings behind this. I know these are things that I might have been feeling weren't true, but I just need to hear them instead of just telling myself that they're not true.

[Addie]

All feelings are true.

[Abby]

I don't think they're.

[Addie]

They may not be right, but it's true. Yeah, but they're not trusted. Yeah. They can't be trusted.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

I think.

[Abby]

I think about the whole time, like, I. I don't remember where I heard that. And the first time I. I think it might have been, like, a sermon or something. But it's like, all feelings are valid, but they can't all be trusted. So you have to, like, filter through your feelings, and it's like, is this. Yeah. What is lie? What is true? What is. You know, you just. You can't just take every feeling and be like, why feel that way? And it's like, well, let's peel that back. Let's dive a little bit deeper into that, and let's filter it.

[Addie]

And, like, anything, like, approaching. It's like learning where to take personal responsibility, too. And, like, don't be afraid to also own up to that with that person and be like, hey, here's where I could have done things differently, or, here's what I should have done. And I think that can also be really meaningful. And that also brings to say, like, if you think you've hurt someone's feelings also, you can go first and just

[Abby]

be like, I feel like we do that all the time with each other.

[Addie]

Yeah. And honestly, sometimes it gets a little out of hand.

[Abby]

I'm like, no, I'm sorry.

[Eddie]

I'm like, wait, I'm sorry.

[Abby]

Like, did I hear your feelings?

[Addie]

They're like, no, I just left. And I'm overthinking this. But when I said this, it could have come across as this.

[Abby]

Yes.

[Addie]

And I think it's just because we're all really honest with each other, and, like, that's bound to happen when we all, like, love each other and deeply care and also are, like, family. So you cross some lines at times because it's like, hey, we're family. Like, I can hold you to a closer standard. Different standard, and, like. But obviously within range.

[Abby]

Yeah. And I think what you're saying, Eddie, too, like, when you handle conflict well, it brings you closer together. Like, now you trust you can have these open, candid conversations because you know how the other person handles it.

[Eddie]

Yeah. There's a lot of safety in that.

[Abby]

So much safety.

[Addie]

Yeah. We have a history of overcoming things. So it's like, nothing's. There's nothing that's gonna, like, knock us down. Yeah.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Nothing that's gonna permanently burn this bridge.

[Eddie]

I also think it's important when it's family that. That there's an extra level of we need to resolve this. We're not. If it's just a friend. Sometimes you're like, I'm not gonna see him for a couple weeks. We don't need to resolve that. Do this.

[Abby]

So with.

[Eddie]

With family, I think there's an urgency to it a little bit more than there may be with friends and a

[Addie]

reason to go directly to them and

[Eddie]

go directly to them. Especially with, like, spouses involved or things like that. When it's like, I can't. I'm not gonna rant to Blake about something because he's gonna be like, nope, go talk to her. I'm like, oh, okay.

[Abby]

I love that. It's true.

[Addie]

It is true.

[Eddie]

It helps when your husbands don't like to gossip. It keeps me in check.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Not that I'm gossiping about you guys.

[Abby]

Addie, we know I have lots to talk about.

[Addie]

I don't want. Here's my problem. It's always navigating the line of like, okay, I'm being honest and genuine to myself, but also, like, I don't want to water down. Like, I don't want to water down the crap out of things where I have no opinion at all for sure. Satna toeing that line. It's like, okay, well, you know what? If I feel this. This is safe to say about it.

[Abby]

Yeah, for sure.

[Addie]

Okay, well. And also, I trust that people will tell me if I'm wrong.

[Abby]

No, they'll definitely let us know for wrong. Oh, yeah, no, they'll let us know. Yeah, they love her. Look at me, Keith.

[Addie]

In an act of defiance.

[Abby]

That was actually a great tip, though.

[Eddie]

I bought her own socks.

[Abby]

My mom bought me socks. She was like, your socks are disgusting.

[Eddie]

Why do you. Why do people care?

[Addie]

Hey, also, my socks are clean. They're just permanent. Definitely stained.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

How often are we rebuying socks?

[Eddie]

I want to see socks for three years. If you're commenting about our socks being dirty, I want to see your socks.

[Abby]

My mom, she's a doer. She goes, that was a problem. I bought you new socks. Honestly, she's a. She's a fix.

[Eddie]

Would you rather see her toes? I'm surely not.

[Addie]

Maybe.

[Abby]

No, you'll not see my toes.

[Addie]

I was actually just talking to somebody whose brother in law has a foot fetish.

[Abby]

Has one or is.

[Addie]

Has one? She's like, that's why we can't really hang out. She's like, it's like serious. Growing up, her husband had friends over and he woke up, his brother was sucking on his friend's toes.

[Abby]

I'm sorry, what is going on?

[Eddie]

A man sucking on another man?

[Addie]

I don't know. I don't know. The Genders that. I don't know the genders. Everyone's got toes.

[Abby]

I mean, it's a joke for a reason. There's probably some truth to it. A lot of people are into that.

[Addie]

I actually had as a self preservation thing, I just said foot fetishes aren't real.

[Abby]

Oh, sure.

[Addie]

And turns out it is. I told her, I was like. I said no. I. In my head, I told myself it's not real. And she's like, it is real. I was like, no. Okay. Wow, we're going off the rails. Let's listen to a voicemail right now.

[Abby]

Now ask, ask, ask.

[Eddie]

Abby.

[Addie]

Hi, Abby, Abby and Addie. My name is Grace and I just wanted to say how much I absolutely love listening your to new podcast all this year. You guys have such great energy and it really feels like I'm just hanging out with friends while listening. And my question for you guys is, what podcast do you guys like listening to? Thanks so much. Bye. That's really sweet.

[Abby]

Thanks, Grace. Let's go down the list.

[Addie]

I'll get my iPhone out.

[Abby]

Okay. I like Diary of a CEO.

[Addie]

Yeah, I've listened to a lot of those.

[Abby]

I like Unplanned. I listen every Wednesday. I have to say, since we started this one, I've listened a little less.

[Addie]

It's just so freaking yapping so much of you guys.

[Abby]

Not in a bad way.

[Addie]

I just don't want to like too much.

[Abby]

No, it's not too much. I just don't want to ruin some of the stuff that we talk about.

[Addie]

Right.

[Abby]

That you guys might talk about. Unplanned. De. Influenced by Danny Austin, Jordan Ramirez. They're a fun one. Sometimes I listen to Whoa, that's Good by Sadie Robertson. I loved they just had a really good episode. I listened to her and her mom did a conversation on Botox and fillers. Did you see that?

[Addie]

Oh, I haven't seen that one.

[Abby]

I love those. I love those. Like her format of that.

[Addie]

Well, I listen to John DeLoney three times a week, which is. I listen to true crime as a category. So I have 48 hours Dateline crime junkie. I also listen to Diary with CEO Arthur Brooks and Ginger and Jeremy podcast.

[Abby]

Oh, fun.

[Addie]

Yeah, the sweetest.

[Abby]

I also, I listen to this one called the Glossy Podcast. They're a fashion news podcast. I like that one.

[Addie]

If anyone also sends me a random one off podcast, it also automatically gets. They text it to me. It automatically goes into my Apple podcast. And then I listen to those too. So there's a lot of one off ones from Families and friends, Right?

[Eddie]

That's so good of you to listen to ones that people send you. I feel like sometimes people send things and you just never listen.

[Addie]

I feel honored.

[Abby]

I listen.

[Addie]

Abby sends me some. Yeah, that's good to know. You sent me a good one the other day, and it was like, three hours. I was like, here we go.

[Abby]

Oh, yeah. I thought they'd be a good guess on plan.

[Addie]

I know, I know.

[Eddie]

I listen to chicks in the office for my pop culture news, and then I listen to true crime. If I'm on a really long drive,

[Addie]

it has to be long.

[Eddie]

It has to be long. It has to be at least 45 minutes so I can watch, listen to the whole thing. A lot of crime junkie.

[Abby]

Yeah. I need more, like, fun ones. Oh, I also listen to that's the Point Pod by Kristen Johns and John Volk. I like, listen to them. They're fun. It's kind of similar vibes. I feel like they're just, like, chatty.

[Addie]

Yeah. Hi, Abby and Addie. I'm Jaina. I just wanted to say you guys are all so beautiful, and I love

[Abby]

this podcast so much.

[Addie]

My question is, when you get a boyfriend, how do you make sure he doesn't become your whole identity? Thank you.

[Abby]

Oh, that is such a. I think I did that in high school.

[Addie]

I did marry him, though, so pay it off.

[Abby]

I think I did do that.

[Addie]

Did she say, if your boyfriend becomes your whole identity, how to not make

[Eddie]

your boyfriend and become your wife?

[Addie]

Let me text my friends if I did that.

[Abby]

You go ahead.

[Addie]

Keep going.

[Abby]

It is so hard when you first start dating not to, like, get swept up in the feelings because it's so fun. And obviously, if you're too. Like, if you're young and you're in high school and stuff, like, you only have weekends to really hang out, and so you want to just hang out with them all the time. I think it's just being really, really important that when your girlfriends invite you to hang out, you hang out with them and you don't flake on them to hang out with your boyfriend. That is a no. No. Don't flake on your girls to hang with your guy. That's a no. No. And don't always invite your guy to come along.

[Addie]

That's actually a different way of interpreting it than I thought.

[Abby]

What do you mean?

[Addie]

When we come your whole identity? I thought it meant, like, you start to like everything that he likes. Like, you start to lose aspects of yourself and to just kind of, like, replicate him.

[Abby]

Oh, interesting.

[Eddie]

I Took it Abigail's way.

[Addie]

Oh, okay.

[Abby]

But it could be that way both, because I think that's a good. Yeah.

[Addie]

I think I turned a lot into place, like, codependency.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Well, to just, like, lose yourself and. And obviously, some things are gonna change, but it's also more important to make those changes, probably a marriage, than, like, the boyfriend. You're like, okay, I don't. Yeah. Just don't, like, shed pieces of yourself because of a romantic relationship. And also, that's probably the reason they started liking you in the first place. So, like, have your own interests and likes and passions and thoughts and opinions on things inside a relationship. I think that's really important. I think it's especially easy for females to, like, kind of morph into, like, more like their partner.

[Abby]

Totally. I would agree.

[Addie]

But. Yeah. Don't flake on your. No, no, I did not do that. I did not do that.

[Abby]

That's what I thought you meant. I was like, really?

[Addie]

No, I had a lot of fun with my friends. We just hung out. We hung out a lot, too. But, yeah, I think that's a big temptation. Gosh. Infatuation can really just. And here's the thing. You got to go into it knowing that you're gonna get infatuated because that's.

[Abby]

It's so part of it.

[Addie]

You love that. That's part of it. But you gotta know how to, like, keep it in box, like, and so it doesn't bleed out everywhere.

[Abby]

Yeah. I think you need to be okay saying no to your boyfriend. Like, sometimes. Like, if you don't want to do something that they're doing, like, it's okay to say no, you know? Hi, Abby and Abby. My name is Mackenzie, and I was. I'm planning a wedding right now, and I was wondering if there are anything

[Addie]

that you wish you would put on your wedding registry, looking back, like, the most random things or just something that's

[Abby]

not just plates and linens.

[Addie]

Thank you.

[Abby]

Congratulations. Yeah, it's exciting.

[Addie]

Never in your life will you get to do that again. Really. Just think about. Think about that responsibility right there.

[Abby]

That is heavy. I made a mistake. I registered at Macy's, and that just wasn't the vibe. I just didn't know you could register at other places.

[Addie]

Matt was a really frugal era at the time this point, so we only did Amazon and Bed, Bath and Beyond, which. Rest in peace. Bed, Bath and Beyond.

[Abby]

Yeah. I would say register for the good quality stuff, because I still use all my stuff from that we got as wedding gifts.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

And it's been seven years. Okay. Something random. I was really upset that Kilb asked me to take the trash can off of our registry because he said a

[Addie]

hundred dollars for a trash can? That's absurd.

[Abby]

And so we just got the 20 plastic one from Walmart and it was ugly, stinky, and it had to be replaced multiple times. Where if we just got the really nice $100 stainless steel trash can. Get a nice trash can.

[Addie]

That's a really good advice. Yeah, I would say get a really good nice. This is such a dorky thing to say. I'm thinking about the kitchen because here's the other thing too. I feel like your items that are going to get scooped up the most are in the 50 to $75 range.

[Abby]

Yep.

[Addie]

Or 50 to $100 range.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

And so I feel like within that range, you can get really high quality staples that you'll use. A lot of times. I don't think it needs to be like hundreds of dollars, but I think about my cast iron pot that I use literally all the time. You can use it like a skillet and a pot and it can go in the oven. It's a great size. And yeah, I think that's a great advice to like. I'm not saying to get like bougie. I say focus on things that are 50 to $100.

[Abby]

Well, I'm gonna disagree. I'm gonna disagree because, like, I think you should put a Dyson vacuum. Like, totally. Because people do group gifts.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

But I'm way more likely to get an individual gift because when someone uses something, I want them to think about me.

[Abby]

That's funny.

[Addie]

But I think more, I think like older people that you're inviting and close, like close people, they'll. They'll just buy the whole thing, probably,

[Eddie]

and they'll get big gifts. Like, that's where you're gonna get your big gifts is your wedding. So I would put some of those expensive things on. There will be people in your life that do that. I take kids. Kitchenaid an expensive one.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I actually.

[Eddie]

Knife set. A good knife set.

[Addie]

A good knife set. I was hassled for putting a KitchenAid on there. I use it literally multiple times a day.

[Abby]

So I'm like, I put it on ours.

[Addie]

It was worth it. Kitchenaid is great. Yeah. Good knife set.

[Eddie]

Abby, you got me a tv. I think about it every time I look at it. I forgot that I got you a tv.

[Addie]

Now I'm happy. See, I wanted her to think about staple.

[Eddie]

In our house.

[Abby]

We use it every Day, every day,

[Eddie]

multiple times with the TV people.

[Abby]

That's so true. I would say get. Put the things on there that you're gonna use every day or like, frequently and that aren't gonna change from place to place that you move.

[Addie]

Yeah. The things that I did not use themed fabric like cloth napkins. I feel really sad about it, but I just don't want to use them.

[Abby]

The spiralizer accessory for my KitchenAid. Never use it.

[Addie]

What would you spiralize?

[Abby]

You would spiralize like zucchini. I never.

[Addie]

For what, though? Noodles.

[Abby]

Right? Exactly. Even I was in my healthy grill eat noodles.

[Addie]

I hate cauliflower rice and I hate zucchini. No, I just gotta say it. I'm eating rice. White rice.

[Abby]

Don't make me spaghetti squash. Yeah. Well, that brings us to our segment of Always Eating and we have fun recipes for you guys. Mine is our tried and true cookie recipe that we both use.

[Addie]

I used it today.

[Abby]

I made it last night.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby]

I'm so excited about cookies tonight. It is by some Joy Joy Food Sunshine. Joy Food Sunshine. I will will post it. My friend Abby. My other friend Abby. I have so many, so many. Abby's sent me this. It's the perfect chocolate cookie every time.

[Addie]

Bella's the one who sent me this recipe.

[Abby]

Really? No. My friend Abby sent it to me.

[Addie]

That's so funny because I know I got it from Bella. So this recipe, we're not the first ones.

[Abby]

We're not the person.

[Addie]

It is titled the best chocolate chip cookie recipe. And it is. And I will say the recipe includes two. Not me taking. Your recipe includes two cups of chocolate chips.

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Addie]

But you can also play around with it. I made them one time with white chocolate chips and regular chocolate chips. I did a day with regular chocolate chips and mini M and M's. You can really swap those out for other inclusions. Just keep it to two cups of, like, inclusions.

[Abby]

Yes. But I did pink maples and chocolate chips for Valentine's Day. So cute.

[Eddie]

Did you do M and M's in the one today?

[Abby]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

That was good. I ate it before this episode.

[Abby]

Oh, my gosh. I'm gonna have another cookie.

[Addie]

Go have another cookie. The recipe I'm including is. I feel like this is a universal crowd pleaser. I feel like your kids will eat it. You'll eat it. And I've made it multiple times, probably for both of you. Also, it's my healthy hamburger helper.

[Abby]

Wait, didn't you do that last time?

[Addie]

No, I did shrimp tacos.

[Abby]

Oh, so sorry. You're right.

[Addie]

I'm a one trick pony, though I do use the same recipes over.

[Abby]

I mean, it's delish.

[Addie]

It saves really well for lunches. I feel like you could. And you sneak in some veggies. It has spinach and carrots, but you will not taste it. And it's really, really flavorful. I didn't grow up eating Hamburger Helper.

[Abby]

Never. Me neither.

[Addie]

Oh, did you eat Hamburger Helper, Addy?

[Eddie]

Yes.

[Addie]

Does it taste like what I make? Have you had it before?

[Eddie]

I haven't had a Hamburger Helper in a long time, but I actually don't think I've had your Hamburger Helper.

[Addie]

Okay, well, Crazy. Someone's gonna have to let me know if that actually tastes like Hamburger Helper because it's really, really yummy and has sneaky vegetables and protein in there. And it's really quick. Really quick.

[Abby]

Love it.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Addie]

What a chatty episode.

[Abby]

That was fun.

[Addie]

That was really, really fun.

[Abby]

We needed a heavy one after the fails last week. Not a heavy, but a deeper one.

[Addie]

Feel heavy. I felt like. I hope it's heard right.

[Abby]

We love you. That's all that matters.

[Addie]

Yes. And we also are very thankful to those of you that constantly show your support to the show, not just by listening, but also by hearting it, liking it, subscribing, downloading, sharing with a friend, and especially those of you that give us five stars and write a review. Just like jasmine. Who says five stars? Just the girls. As a 25 year old married mom to a little boy, it can sometimes feel like I'm in the minority in this generation, which is why this podcast is. Is such a breath of fresh air. It honestly feels like sitting down with the girls, laughing, unwinding, and having real meaningful conversations without judgment. I'm so grateful. I found it highly recommend.

[Abby]

Oh, thank you, Jasmine.

[Addie]

Jasmine. I distinctly remember being 25 years old with a little boy.

[Eddie]

Aw.

[Addie]

Yeah. And so I'm not far off from that 27. But it just. It's really special to be in your ear like that on your car rides while you're doing your laundry. And so thank you. It really does make such a difference and our whole team really appreciates it. If you also want to leave a voicemail like we listen to I at the end of today's episode, you too can call in. The number is 602-456-9690. And we love hearing from you guys. It really, really means so much. So thank you for those that have called in and engaged at the podcast in that way.

[Abby]

And hey, I'm. We're reading the comments. I'm reading them. And if you guys leave good stuff, that'll be a podcast segment, so.

[Addie]

Right. It was today.

[Abby]

Yeah, it was. So thank you guys so much again for leaving comments and engaging and starting conversation. Are we doing a book club?

[Eddie]

What do you mean?

[Abby]

Or are we waiting for more, Making more decisions on what?

[Eddie]

We already said the book last week.

[Abby]

What was it again?

[Addie]

Atmosphere.

[Abby]

What is it? Atmosphere. Okay, bye.

[Eddie]

Taylor Jenkins.

[Addie]

Taylor Jenkins, I thought you were ending the podcast. So they were saying bye.

[Abby]

I was like, all right, well, it's coming soon anyway.

[Addie]

Yeah. So if you want to read the book, pick up the book.

[Abby]

Okay.

[Addie]

I'll put those details in the description as well. Atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid.

[Abby]

Okay, perfect. And we're gonna figure out what our new avenue is for that.

[Addie]

We're still brainstorming.

[Eddie]

We're gonna read your comments.

[Addie]

We're gonna read.

[Abby]

You're gonna read them from the last episode. Okay, you guys, we are so grateful for you. And remember, we're always here.