Marriage Q&A : Conflict, Compromise, & Our Hardest Year

Summary

Always Here Podcast: "Marriage Q&A: Conflict, Compromise, & Our Hardest Year"

Hosts: Abby Howard & Abby Howard (Daylight Media)
Date: August 7, 2026

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Overview

In this candid, uplifting, and humor-filled episode, Abby and Abby, joined by Addie, dive deep into the realities of marriage through listener Q&A and their own lived experiences. They focus on navigating conflict, understanding true compromise, surviving the hardest years together, and building lasting connection. The conversation is brimming with personal stories (complete with parenting and home improvement mishaps), honest reflections on marriage challenges, and practical advice. The tone is unfiltered, encouraging, and deeply relatable for anyone in a long-term partnership.

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Major Discussion Points & Insights

1. Updates from Life & Marriage

Timestamps: 01:39 - 07:05

• Abby H. shares a raw update on her current insomnia and prodromal labor, capturing the exhaustion and unpredictability of late pregnancy.
  • "My mental game deteriorated last night around 4am but then I got my butt up. I went on a walk, went to the gym. Wasn't chipper, but I did it and I felt better." — Abby Howard [05:17]
• Abby and Addie discuss DIY mishaps and the struggles of managing home projects:
  • "Caleb calls me after his first coat of paint when I was in St. Louis, and he said, ‘I don't think you're gonna like the color.’ … The walls are lime green. Lime green, Lime green." — Abigail [08:01]

2. Hope & Heart Check-Ins

Timestamps: 07:06 - 14:03

• The hosts embody their show’s theme, reflecting on what’s hard and hopeful in their lives. Topics include missing quality time with their spouses, juggling big projects, and supporting each other (and their husbands) through burnout and tough seasons.
• Discussion about shifting roles and handling mental/emotional load within marriage—reminding listeners that it’s okay for tasks to remain un-done.

3. Dogs, Pregnancy, and Chaos

Timestamps: 14:03 - 18:39

• Lighthearted chaos: dogs sensing pregnancies, dog messes, and the sometimes comical overlap of parenting, home, and pet care.
• "Rizzo’s the one who eats my underwear, so we don't like him. But he has figured out I'm pregnant and he won’t leave my side." — Addie [14:45]

4. The Diarrhea Outbreak & News Chat

Timestamps: 18:39 - 27:32

• They pivot to infectious outbreaks with characteristic humor, notably the “cyclospora” outbreak tied to bagged produce, and reflect with levity on pandemic coping (“I just said, I hit it five times. Springfield, Missouri. We had it five times.” — Abby Howard [27:06]).
• The conversation morphs into personal pandemic stories: from disinfecting groceries to passing out from Covid, reinforcing their approach of blending life’s challenges with humor.

5. Marriage Timelines, The ‘Seven Year Itch,’ and Evolving Roles

Timestamps: 29:25 - 36:09

• The hosts share their own “origin stories”—dating timelines, back-to-back weddings, and how marrying "young" shaped their transitions.
• Reflections on the “seven year itch” myth and the actual timing of relationship bumps.
• They highlight the flexibility needed as roles and routines change, debunking the idea that marriage is static.

Notable Quote:

"I feel actually more in love this year than I did last year."
— Abigail [30:54]

6. Hardest Years and Seasons in Marriage & What They Learned

Timestamps: 38:00 - 54:37

• Both Abbys and their husbands agree that hardest years tend to coincide with major life transitions.
  • For Abigail: The move from Kansas City to Phoenix, pregnancy, and business crisis.
  • For Abby H.: Navigating the pressures of parenting two under two while sharing marital struggles publicly.
• The value and difficulty of working together as spouses, and how it demands clarity in roles and communication.
• Importance of couples therapy and, even more so, individual therapy for self-awareness.

Notable Quotes:

"Your spouse is not your enemy. They are your partner." — Abigail [47:22]
"Taking ownership of my own things changed my marriage more than even just, like, couples therapy." — Abby Howard [54:31]

7. Compromise vs. Lowering Standards & Understanding Conflict

Timestamps: 62:26 - 76:54

• The hosts wrestle with the distinction between real compromise and just “agreeing,” revealing how spouses may perceive compromise very differently.
  • "He's like, 'I'm changing my mind to do what you want to do.' And I was like, no, I just thought you decided this is what we were going to do today." — Abigail [75:04]
  • They stress never lowering core values; compromise is for decisions, not values.

8. Bitterness, Disagreements, and Communicating Through Conflict

Timestamps: 66:09 - 71:44

• Honest admissions: yes, they get bitter over small things. The key is not letting it fester, but also learning when to process before speaking.
  • "Bitterness is drinking poison, expecting the other person to get sick. But you're just getting sick.” — Abigail [66:19]
• Practical “take a break” strategy: pressing pause during heated moments, returning to the conversation with a clear mind.

9. Feelings vs. Choice in Love & Maintaining Connection

Timestamps: 71:45 - 73:50

• Is love a feeling or choice? Citing Arthur Brooks, they argue it's both—a limbic “feeling” plus a daily choice and commitment.

Notable Quote:

"It's a deep commitment and choice every single day to be in love with the person that you have chosen to share your life with."
— Abby Howard [72:02]

10. Listener Q&A: Practicalities, Pet Peeves, and Parenting

Timestamps: 76:58 - End

• Balancing girls’ nights, chores, and personal downtime with empathy, not keeping score.
• Favorite childhood toys, chewing as a universal pet peeve, and exasperating public line-cutters.
• Navigating being sick with a sick kid: ask for help, lower expectations, and rest without guilt.
• Ending with cherished "Always Hungry" recipes—blueberry crumble and berry cobbler syrup—that serve as a metaphor for nourishing relationships.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Decision-Making and Compromise:
  "Maybe we have been wearing the pants the whole time." — Abby Howard [75:30]
• On Self-Reflection:
  "If I'm feeling insecure about something, I look to Matt and I point out that area… I think that was actually, like, a me problem." — Abby Howard [53:41]
• On Letting Go and Growth:
  "No one is born a great leader. No one is born a perfect wife or husband. It takes trial and error." — Abigail [57:27]
• On Marriage Myths and Advice:
  "I never really subscribed to that thinking of, like, I need to go find myself before I… get married or start this next season." — Abigail [59:57]
• On Not Keeping Score:
  "Marriage really is just a lot of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt." — Abigail [55:45]
• On Hard Times:
  “When you start to get on the hump, get out of the house… You have to get out of the house, even if you go to Target for, like, just walk around and then leave and go home.” — Abigail [89:14]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [01:39] – Abby’s update on pregnancy and exhaustion
• [08:01] – DIY/paint mishap story
• [14:45] – Dogs & pregnancy, supporting each other
• [21:07] – Diarrhea outbreak and news discussion
• [27:06] – Pandemic stories and marriage milestones
• [38:04] – Hardest years/seasons in marriage
• [45:09] – Lessons learned and shifting priorities
• [53:03] – Self-reflection and therapy discussion
• [55:45] – Not keeping score in marriage
• [66:19] – Addressing bitterness/fighting patterns
• [71:56] – Is love a feeling or a choice?
• [75:04] – Compromise, wearing the pants, and roles
• [89:11] – Handling illness as a parent
• [90:08] – “Always Hungry” recipe segment

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Concluding Thoughts

The Abbys’ playful, honest approach invites listeners to see marriage not as a static, always-blissful union, but as a journey marked by change, challenge, and deepening connection. Their advice is grounded in real hardship, personal growth, and the reminder that marriage is about remaining a team—even (especially) when compromise feels hard.

Listeners walk away with practical tools (take breaks, process before confronting, don’t keep score), encouragement to lean into change and communication, and gratitude for humor—even when life (or salmonela) is messy.

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For more marital musings, real-time Q&A, recipes, and support, check out their Patreon and Instagram community.

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Transcript

[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

These statements have not been evaluated by

[Abby Howard]

the food and Drug administration.

[Abigail]

This product is not intended to diag

[Abby Howard]

cure or prevent any disease. You both had different solutions to the problem?

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

So then how did you come to a resolution?

[Abigail]

Honestly, I folded.

[Abby Howard]

I make more decisions for us than I'm more decisive. It comes from having. What's that? Delusional confidence.

[Abigail]

I love delusional confidence.

[Abby Howard]

I'm like, this is right. 100%.

[Abigail]

Yes, yes, yes. Caleb and I got on a fight. He's like, you don't compromise to me very often. I'm changing my mind to do what you want to do. And I was like, no, I just thought you decided that this was what we were going to do together.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe we have been wearing the pants the whole time.

[Abigail]

Welcome back to always here. We're your host Abby Howard.

[Abby Howard]

And Abby Howard.

[Abigail]

How you doing today? Are you contracting? You're just talking about contracting?

[Abby Howard]

I literally like Matt came downstairs after like we just had a busy morning and I just goes, she starts crying. I could cry right now. I'm just really, really tired. I think I slept. I've been up since 1:30 in the morning. Shoot for just a little reference.

[Abigail]

Oh, just because of you and insomnia?

[Abby Howard]

No, I had contractions for three hours straight. And then I was like, time. No, I didn't. I mean they didn't hurt but they. I couldn't sleep through them. So then I was literally just like, what effing do? It was just pressure uncomfortable and one of them was like painful and that's the one that woke me up at 1:30. And I was like, that was weird. I was like, I'm just not going

[Abigail]

to move at all.

[Abby Howard]

I'm too tired. And so then I just, like, stayed really still. Kind of fell asleep, woke up, fell asleep, woke up. And then I finally. They were coming so quick, I just couldn't sleep. And then I got up at like 4 and I was like, well, I guess I'll do laundry and, like, do some stuff. They stopped.

[Addie]

Wow.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, they kind of. Now they're just like, off and on. Like, not, like, as quick, but.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

You had your appointment tomorrow.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

That's exciting.

[Abby Howard]

But I was just so tired and I was like, I'm just so pissed at my body for doing all this work for nothing.

[Abigail]

For nothing.

[Abby Howard]

And I'm like, I can't sleep. It's extra exhausting. I was just like, this is just so lame. But I do hear that prodromal labor is more, like, common with, like, after, like, third and fourth. And they really are treating this like my fourth delivery.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And so I was like, buckle up. Because people are like, he's coming soon. And I'm like that. I love the optimism, but I also am. I am. I promise you, I'm mentally prepared to be induced on my due date.

[Abigail]

Well, I'm so curious what the longest people have been dilated these amounts. What'd you say?

[Abby Howard]

People get stuck. I've heard someone stuck at a five.

[Abigail]

That's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Well, like, being at a five and not an active labor.

[Abigail]

Yeah, that's. That's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. That doesn't feel like a good idea. Being stuck at five, walking around five.

[Abigail]

You're that dilated. Like, things are open down there.

[Abby Howard]

You and me now. Because I'm like, I could have progressed since then. It's been over a week. And I'm like, should I take a bath? Like, yeah.

[Abigail]

You're like.

[Abby Howard]

Like, it's like, ew.

[Abigail]

I don't think you should.

[Abby Howard]

I did. I just took a bath.

[Abigail]

Oh, okay.

[Abby Howard]

Well, it felt a lot.

[Abigail]

Do what you do need to get it slow.

[Abby Howard]

It stops them or like, slows them down.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Oh, okay.

[Abby Howard]

So I'm like, thank God.

[Abigail]

Thank goodness. You're like, good. Hold it in. Stay. We know we have one more recording we need to get through.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Abigail]

And you said you have what. What else do you have to get done?

[Addie]

I don't.

[Abby Howard]

I don't care.

[Abigail]

Oh, okay.

[Abby Howard]

It's not getting done. I literally just want a nap.

[Abigail]

I know. You're like, just Lay me down.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, but I'm like, tonight I'm just gonna take a whole unisum and just see if I can just catch up on some sleep. We'll see if that works.

[Abigail]

What happens if you take a whole unison and then you can't sleep?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that's what I'm afraid.

[Abigail]

That's a bad gamble.

[Addie]

Try. So exhausted.

[Abby Howard]

That is the gamble. And I'm.

[Addie]

You don't have any.

[Abigail]

All the sleepy things.

[Addie]

No recordings tomorrow. So you can.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I do sleep. I do have to film.

[Addie]

Oh, you do.

[Abigail]

Here's what you have to do. You have to stretch.

[Abby Howard]

And I had two children stretch for

[Abigail]

a long time before bed. Get every muscle relaxed. Drink a tea. Take your unicorn. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

At this point, I'm like, I'm not hoping for labor. I need to.

[Abigail]

Hoping for sleep.

[Abby Howard]

Sleep. Like, I'm like, I need to sleep.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And Matt's like, you must be. Be so tired. I was like that. Just a little bit of empathy just got me.

[Abigail]

I was like, oh, I am so tired. That's sweet.

[Abby Howard]

That's sweet, but I'm really fine. I. I think my mental game deteriorated last night around 4am but then I got my butt up. I went on a walk, went to the gym. Wasn't chipper, but I did it and I felt better.

[Abigail]

Probably the fake labor is way harder mentally than like, real labor. Like, game time. Let's go.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. If my water would have broken, I would have been, like, sick. I would have had an energy. I feel like my adrenaline would have done.

[Abigail]

Yeah, you're locked in, like, in my

[Abby Howard]

head, I was like. Cuz I also had this with Augie too. Like, I don't remember that. Yeah, not as. Not as nearly as long or as early, but. Or as strong. I could sleep through it, but. Yeah, I was like, I'm locked in for this being the thing.

[Abigail]

Dang.

[Abby Howard]

It's not a good thing to have. It's not a good thing to have

[Abigail]

insomnia or pajama labor, padromal labor, because

[Abby Howard]

I really feel like I could sleep if I didn't have contractions.

[Abigail]

Yeah, of course. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I like, literally feel my stomach's, like, hard as a rock, and I'm like, whoa.

[Abigail]

So calm on, dude.

[Abby Howard]

Come on, dude.

[Abigail]

You just need to calm down.

[Abby Howard]

And of course, those make them move like crazy.

[Abigail]

Yeah. And he's already active, so you're just.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I was like, I'm not sleeping anymore. I tried to read. I read a lot of the book.

[Abigail]

I haven't started it. Oh, when are we doing Book club. I know.

[Addie]

Not when Abby's here.

[Abigail]

Okay, perfect.

[Abby Howard]

Wait. Dang it. Oh, she's.

[Addie]

No, no. She might come back just to sit

[Abigail]

in and do the book club.

[Addie]

We're not. This isn't one that we're rushing to get done.

[Abigail]

Perf. I feel like the last two, it's been, like, this week.

[Abby Howard]

And I'm like, shoot.

[Addie]

I think it's because Abby and I have finished, and so we're like, let's talk about it. Abigail, wrap it up.

[Abigail]

I finished them. I finished them. Do you like this book? No. Okay. What's it called? Yellow face by R.F. kwan.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

What's your hope in your heart? Because that's what we're here to do. Share the hope in the heart with heart and humor.

[Abigail]

Yes. Okay. I hope my heart are also connected. I feel like they're always one the same. I'm like, I got my positive and my negative with the things going on. Caleb has been working on our shed. Have I talked about this in the podcast?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Yeah, I did. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Well, Caleb also came over when you were out of town, and he's like, I think I'm gonna. Because I'm like, what are you gonna do with an empty house all week?

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

He's like, I think I'm gonna surprise Abigail with the she. And I was like, hey, just so you know, I think she's expecting that.

[Abigail]

Yeah, I think I was expecting.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, so, actually make sure it gets done.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abigail]

Actually finish it.

[Abby Howard]

He's like, oh, okay. He's like, I kind of got that feeling. But she didn't say it.

[Abigail]

And I was like, I'm always leaving him guessing.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, matt, you should go help. He did go. Matt was like, I had nothing to offer.

[Abigail]

I'm really glad he did that because Caleb called me. So I was out of town in St. Louis for a whole week. Caleb had nothing to do. I mean, he had a lot to do. He worked, and then he worked in our shed.

[Abby Howard]

He had absolutely nothing to do.

[Abigail]

Nothing. So he worked at our shed. We have this detached shed off of our back patio. It's really close to our bedroom. Our bedroom is sliding doors, and it was just basically bones, bare bones in this shed. And Caleb's been in there, you know, drywalling it, finishing this thing, adding lights, electrical. I mean, it's the whole nine yards. It has ac, everything. So we've been really excited to finish it. So we can make it a home office and some storage. Maybe, like an extended closet type vibe in there. I sent him some inspo pictures of what I wanted. I wanted to be a little more colorful because it's detached in the house. It could be a little fun. Who cares? It's a shed. It's not that serious. And I sent him a bunch of, like, kind of maybe cottagey vibes. So that's my style. Yeah. I think you would really like the inspo pictures I sent. It's sagey green walls, like, almost sagey, bluish green. And obviously, we don't have these, but the hydrangeas all around, you know, in the info picture, make it happen. Yeah. Like hydrangeas in the desert. But Caleb calls me after his first coat of paint when I was in St. Louis, and he said, I don't think you're gonna like the color. And I was like, well, that's okay. Do you like it? I'm just not really sure. So he facetimes me. The walls are lime green. Lime green, Lime green. I said, you know what? You're gonna have to fix that one. That one? He said, yeah. I was thinking you're gonna see the whole thing. Luckily, just one wall. But he did buy three gallons of paint. He didn't do a sample.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, he didn't do a sample.

[Abigail]

He didn't do a sample. He looked at the paper. He said, that looks good. And then you didn't pick out the color? No, I didn't pick it out. I sent him, you know, the inspo, and I was like, just something around this family of range. And he went and he pulled out the same.

[Abby Howard]

It's like the one that everyone does. Is that evergreen fog?

[Abigail]

That's what's in Vivian's room.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Abigail]

But we're going lighter than that.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Abigail]

A little brighter because it's small, but, yeah, it was lime green, so that was unfortunate. A hiccup. So we have three gallons.

[Abby Howard]

That was a lot of trust that you gave him to pick out the paint color.

[Abigail]

Actually, I think Caleb is pretty good at that.

[Abby Howard]

Well.

[Abigail]

Well, I thought he was.

[Abby Howard]

He's excellent.

[Abigail]

He's excellent repaint. He learned a lesson here. He learned that he has to buy the sample.

[Abby Howard]

So what are you gonna use that paint for?

[Abigail]

I think he needs to sell it on Facebook. Marketplace. I will say in his. In his defense, it looked nothing like the paper paper that they have, you know, on the wall.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Abigail]

But it looks much better now from what I've seen. I haven't seen it, but I've seen when he opens the door, I see it inside, and it looks like a pretty color.

[Abby Howard]

So you haven't even walked in.

[Abigail]

No, I haven't. He's not. I have not been allowed. But he's finished the flooring. It's done. I get to see it tonight after this.

[Abby Howard]

That's exciting. Like, done done.

[Abigail]

Yeah. He's gonna paint the trim, but I'm like, just let me see it before you paint the trim. So I'm excited to see.

[Abby Howard]

That's exciting.

[Addie]

I know.

[Abigail]

So, yeah, I'm super pumped. My heart is. I have not seen my husband in about two weeks. That's tough. The quality time has. Has not been there. So, yes, I feel deeply saddened by that. It's such a bittersweet, you know, he's burning himself out. He's really burnt out. He's like, I'm with this. And then I'm like, you want to hang out?

[Abby Howard]

He was pretty mad that night when we dropped John Treece off at the airport. He was doing drywall and he cut himself.

[Abigail]

Oh, my gosh. He gashed his wrist open bad. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, oh, yeah.

[Abigail]

You came over and you end up in band Aids. That was sweet.

[Abby Howard]

I got Caleb some bandaids.

[Abigail]

I was looking. I was like, that looks severe, kind of.

[Abby Howard]

He was just really quiet. I was like, he's mad.

[Abigail]

He's mad.

[Abby Howard]

Dang it. I would be mad.

[Abigail]

It's so funny. Everyone could tell. Like, my mom's here right now. She goes, is he okay? He's pretty burnt out. He's pretty burnt out. He just gets quiet. But he's done. So that's put some wind into sales, and I get him back.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

It was worth it.

[Abigail]

It is so worth it.

[Abby Howard]

We can take a break.

[Abigail]

Yes. I think he goes, I need a couple. A couple months. No projects for a while. And I'm like, well, you do have a couple boxes of tile in our garage for the backsplash, so. Oh, not too long.

[Abby Howard]

Did you mention that at that point?

[Abigail]

No, I did.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Abigail]

Discernment and wisdom.

[Abby Howard]

See, I have a couple hooks I need hung, but I was going to hire a handyman.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Literally three hooks.

[Addie]

No.

[Abigail]

My mom goes, he does need to hang some. We bought a rod for Vivian's closet. She's like, he does need to hang her on. I was like, anything with a drill is fine.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, no. Matt was like, I can do that. I was like, it's okay.

[Abigail]

It's okay, baby. Don't worry about it. That's how my mom is with my dad. He's like, I'll do it. She goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Abby Howard]

No, no, no. It's totally fine.

[Abigail]

I just wanted to.

[Abby Howard]

I know that when he says yes, like, he really means it in that moment, but the next second, it's just. It does. Anything's fair game.

[Abigail]

It's a fleeting thought.

[Abby Howard]

It's a fleet.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And they've been sitting there. It's been a.

[Addie]

It's been a.

[Abby Howard]

Just in our mud room to hang the kids backpacks.

[Abigail]

Oh, exciting.

[Abby Howard]

Just want to hang some backpacks.

[Abigail]

Yeah, of course. You bought a drill.

[Abby Howard]

I bought a drill, and I used a drill that was nesting.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

That was with Augie and I. People make fun of my drill because it's pink. No, it's not pink. It's green.

[Abigail]

Oh, it's Ryobi. Why do people make fun of it?

[Abby Howard]

I don't think I got the right stuff for it.

[Abigail]

Oh, no.

[Abby Howard]

They make fun of our toolkit. Oh, our toolkit, apparently, is bad for me. I'm like, it looks like it's got everything we need.

[Abigail]

Got all the tools.

[Abby Howard]

It's got everything we know how to use.

[Abigail]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

And I don't even know if we know how to use all those. We're not diy. Okay. We know. We stay in our lane.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Stay in our lane. And we're not diy. And here's the thing. It'll just stay undone. And that's totally fine.

[Abigail]

Yeah. I don't ever use the drill. I don't know how to do any of it.

[Abby Howard]

I use the drill to set up a baby gate. That's impressive. Well, it didn't go well. Oh, I needed spackle. Afterwards, I just started drilling holes like a crazy woman. That was a bad idea.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You know what I like? An electric screwdriver that I've never even heard of.

[Abigail]

That.

[Abby Howard]

It's literally, instead of hand screwing things in, you can just use a little electric screwdriver.

[Abigail]

We don't have one of those. That's nice.

[Abby Howard]

I've used it a lot to put together random furniture.

[Abigail]

I love that you do that.

[Abby Howard]

I see in our notes that we have the dogs figuring out Addie's pregnant.

[Addie]

Well, we're giving an update on that. I don't hate my dogs anymore. Perfect. Well, actually, Rizzo did poop inside of our house two days ago, so I. I do hate him again.

[Abby Howard]

Pretzel was on our dining table this morning. Lewis.

[Abigail]

My mom just called me. Lewis threw up in his cage. So we're.

[Abby Howard]

We're all together.

[Abigail]

I cannot clean this up.

[Addie]

Abby, Wrigley threw up on our bed the other day. He literally has Never done that ever.

[Abigail]

Right.

[Addie]

It was right on the edge. Like, he was just laying there.

[Abby Howard]

And the work with him is probably anxiety. Like, he just gets anxious.

[Addie]

That's what Blake said. He said he was so, so nervous when I was leaving that morning, so I bet he just threw up on the bed. I'm, like, crazy, but I like Rizzo.

[Abigail]

You said he's supposed to emotionally support me.

[Addie]

Yeah. So Rizzo's the one who eats my underwear, so we don't like him. But he has figured out I'm pregnant, and he won't leave my side, and they're not allowed on the couch. But anytime I sit down on the couch, he jumps up and puts his head on my belly, which I'm like, this is brand new. You haven't been doing this for months, which is sweet. And then when I go to bed, because we've talked about this before, different bedtimes as your partner. So I go to bed by myself. Rizzo comes in bed with me and lays on the bed, which he never does until Blake comes in there. And then Blake kicks him off.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I'm like, this is. He's learned I'm pregnant, which is. Which is sweet. Does make you kind of love your dog again. And then he poops in your house,

[Abby Howard]

and you're like, why did he do that?

[Addie]

Maybe I think he needed to go to the bathroom. But here's the thing, is, I took him out. He didn't pull me to, like, keep. I brought him back inside. He didn't tell me, and then he got inside and pooped inside.

[Abigail]

Maybe he was also surprised. Hey, I will say I hate a sneaky poop.

[Addie]

It was solid. Rock solid. Picked it up. I did, like, shampoo the carpet, but, like, yeah, there was nothing there. There was no residue that you could visibly see. It wasn't that bad.

[Abby Howard]

I bet that smelled terrible.

[Abigail]

So bad.

[Addie]

Yeah. I'm doing the dishes. I look up, I said, oh. I look over, I said, oh.

[Abigail]

Oh, my. My sister has a puppy and maybe six months old, a little dog, Simon. And when we were in St. Louis, I walk in our bedroom upstairs, but Vivian down. And my dad does not like dogs, and he likes Simon. But, you know, Simon's. My sister didn't do the best job potty training Simon. So he has a lot of accidents in the house. And my dad is like, not again. Not again. You know, he's a germaphobe, and he doesn't like. So I walk upstairs, and my dad is actively carrying Vivian up the steps to bring her to Bed. And I walk in, I go, Sophie. Oh, dad. Hold on a second. Hold on a second. It smells so bad. Poop on our floor. In the. In our bedroom. Yeah. And then. Yeah, it just is the whole thing, but it's dunk pretty bad.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that stuff reeks.

[Abigail]

And so if he's, like running in there with this brace, like, don't let dadsy.

[Abby Howard]

Don't let dadsy, like, he's coming up the stairs. Smell it. He's gonna.

[Abigail]

Can't miss it.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Abigail]

Did you see that? My legs. No, I just shaved mine.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, I can barely reach.

[Abigail]

We literally both just shaved our legs right before this.

[Abby Howard]

Do you feel like when you use your Flamingo razor, your legs stay shaved longer? Does that make sense?

[Abigail]

Yeah, they're smooth. For a long time, the women who

[Abby Howard]

helped build Harry's found themselves rolling their eyes when companies were just shrinking men's razors and making them pink. So they decided to shake things up a little bit. And that is when Flamingo was born.

[Abigail]

Flamingo has no pink tax pricing, no flimsy design, and no irritation. Flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind. Their starter set has everything you can need, whether it's time for an everything shower or even if you just need to shape up your brow line. They have one of those Dermaplane razors. I use it on my mustache every week. It's great. Keeps me nice and nice and nice and hair free.

[Abby Howard]

I always love hearing about your mustache.

[Abigail]

No one told me.

[Abby Howard]

I've never noticed it. But that's probably because you have an amazing razor. And for a limited time, our listeners can get the Flamingo starter set for only $[e-mail] this set includes the Flamingo Original Razor, one five blade cartridge, a 1oz foaming shave gel, and a shower holder, which is very nice.

[Abigail]

I love the holder because it doesn't

[Abby Howard]

get moldy or rusty. I feel like that's the purpose, too.

[Abigail]

That's what I meant. Rusty, not moldy.

[Abby Howard]

Just head to shop flamingo.com Abby to claim this offer. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. You know, I was reflecting by the way we recorded the last episode. You heard literally yesterday in real time. So if things feel low energy, like not as fresh. That's why we're not trying to batch Craig, just because we just don't really necessarily know when the Baby's coming. Yeah, but what was I saying? I was reflecting in the car day. I was like, that wasn't that crazy. Wow, that's crazy. Yesterday.

[Addie]

Do you have one?

[Abigail]

Are you still thinking about it? Like, that wasn't.

[Abby Howard]

That was not crazy. I literally. The more I thought about it, I was like. Like, wow.

[Abigail]

I'm sorry.

[Abby Howard]

Life is.

[Abigail]

I go to this gym, doing blood work.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, it's very. It's so dumb. I think that's amazing. It is.

[Abigail]

It's just not.

[Abby Howard]

It's not crazy. The people are probably like, wow, they don't get out.

[Abigail]

They literally threw us off of what we were talking about. Like, it didn't make any sense.

[Addie]

Did I insert that there?

[Abigail]

Now we had to, like, backtrack, and

[Abby Howard]

I know Addie doesn't care about that stuff at all, and so I think she probably just like, wrap it up, ladies.

[Addie]

I zoned out. I was like, okay, back to the episode.

[Abby Howard]

Not my best work.

[Addie]

Sorry.

[Abigail]

Not my best work.

[Abby Howard]

This one is crazy, though. Wow, that's crazy.

[Abigail]

Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy.

[Addie]

I want to know how you learned about this one, because you did. You said you didn't know about it.

[Abby Howard]

I didn't know about this at all. Except for through our friends.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

I learned all my news from my friends. I actually think it's really good for your mental health.

[Abigail]

That's really good advice. I got that advice one time.

[Abby Howard]

Let your friends curate the news. Well, I learned about explosive diarrhea that's going around Michigan. Apparently, it's going around everywhere. Everywhere. I heard There was only 19 cases in Arizona at the time of me hearing about this.

[Abigail]

I think there's more now. How many are there now? What's it called?

[Addie]

Clara.

[Abigail]

Clara.

[Addie]

No, no.

[Abigail]

Clavis. Yep.

[Abby Howard]

It's something like.

[Abigail]

It rhymes, but

[Addie]

there it is. Cyclosporiasis. Yeah.

[Abigail]

Was that it?

[Addie]

That's it.

[Abigail]

Cyclosporasis.

[Addie]

Yep.

[Abby Howard]

Cyclospora.

[Abigail]

Anyway, it's that diarrhea disease. Diarrhea parasite. Honestly, did you have it? You had diarrhea for, like, six weeks.

[Abby Howard]

Have it. I am pregnant. Yeah. And that was months ago.

[Abigail]

Yeah, but I don't think they knew about it.

[Addie]

So there's been a lot of backstage. Thousand confirmed and probable cases.

[Abigail]

11,000. 20.

[Addie]

20.

[Abby Howard]

But don't you have to have some type of anti.

[Abigail]

I think, yeah. But I think if you go long enough, it just works its way out. Can you Google that? But I think you have diarrhea for a long time, and you've had it for over a month and a half.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I did diagnosis and treatment.

[Abigail]

Just look up. Does it go away on its own?

[Abby Howard]

But then what are the odds that I get? I'm the only one in my family that gets it.

[Abigail]

I don't know. You eat a lot of bag salad. You eat a lot.

[Abby Howard]

Not independently.

[Abigail]

You could have gotten it from somewhere. You ate at you at Taco Bell. And Taco Bell is one of the biggest culprits.

[Abby Howard]

I do not eat at Taco Bell. I do not say, don't put that on me.

[Addie]

I saw that somewhere, that it was a Taco Bell lettuce. And I said, well, good thing I don't like lettuce. Get lettuce on my Taco Bell.

[Abigail]

She's like, good thing.

[Addie]

I know that's not where it came from. When I was. When I posted online that I was sick and people,

[Abby Howard]

we're done.

[Abigail]

Let me get the fuzz off.

[Abby Howard]

Is that what you're trying to do?

[Addie]

No, I was just trying to appreciate that so much.

[Abby Howard]

I liked it.

[Abigail]

It felt really good.

[Addie]

Okay. Yesterday they were Corby. When you're playing with the rug, you, like, scoot it your way. And then Abigail's pulling it back with her.

[Abby Howard]

I didn't even catch that.

[Abigail]

We're going back and forth. I miss that.

[Addie]

Fighting over the rug.

[Abigail]

Oh, my gosh. It's funny. It was bothering me. I was like, it's all scrunched up over there.

[Abby Howard]

Sorry,

[Abigail]

Sorry.

[Addie]

I was getting mad that people were saying that I had this thing. I said, no, I'm just vomiting.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

No diarrhea.

[Abby Howard]

So I could have had it.

[Abigail]

Does it go away on its own?

[Addie]

Sometimes, but it's not a good bet. And on its own can mean weeks of misery.

[Abby Howard]

That's what I had.

[Abigail]

She had that. That's what I'm saying. I think you had it.

[Addie]

Wow.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Because diarrhea like that for a long

[Abby Howard]

time, I started having a solid.

[Addie]

Symptoms usually start about a week after exposure. The hallmark is frequent watery diarrhea, along with appetite loss, weight loss, bloating, nausea and fatigue. Low grade fever and vomiting are less common.

[Abby Howard]

Watery doesn't really.

[Abigail]

Doesn't describe what you were experiencing? No.

[Addie]

Untreated, it can follow a remitting relapsing course lasting for days to a month or more. The relapsing pattern, you can feel better and then it comes roaring back.

[Abigail]

Okay.

[Addie]

And the signature distinguishes it from other ordinary food poisonings.

[Abigail]

So it doesn't just go away on its own.

[Addie]

Not really.

[Abigail]

It comes back with a vengeance.

[Abby Howard]

It Sounds like, I mean someone said like 200 mile per hour diarrhea or something like that. And I was like, what?

[Abigail]

I've never had that. But I could picture it, you know,

[Abby Howard]

I just saw. All I needed to know is that Taylor Farms made a statement. They're like, we are not tied to this. And I was like, how could they

[Abigail]

even say that they've been tied to it?

[Addie]

So Taylor Farms then pulled all iceberg lettuce sourced from central Mexico from the US market, saying that the traceback point to one independent farm representing under 1% of the US iceberg supply. The recall covers this. But I'm almost. Then there was a twist. Yeah. Because I saw the post from Taylor Farms where they redacted. They were like this actually wasn't like we figured out that this wasn't from us. Actually like we recalled our stuff, but it wasn't us.

[Abby Howard]

Wow.

[Abigail]

Drag their name through the mud.

[Abby Howard]

Yikes.

[Addie]

Yeah. It's used. It was a false positive through the fda.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, that sounds.

[Abigail]

That's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Let me tell you, the stores are stocked with bag salads. But I also heard it was like berries and stuff. But what does it say about me that I'm like, who cares? Yeah.

[Abigail]

I think I love those videos. They're like, ooh, diarrhea.

[Abby Howard]

Like I love the videos. Anything new

[Abigail]

or like, oh shoot. You mean I'm gonna lose 10 pounds from diarrhea?

[Abby Howard]

Like no, I don't know. It's not that. I. I just. In my head I'm like, I'm not gonna get it.

[Abigail]

Yeah. In my head I just. I'm like.

[Abby Howard]

But like our friends were like, don't buy raspberries.

[Abigail]

Throwing up would be bad. Having a kid with diarrhea would be horrible. But myself of diarrhea, not that bad.

[Addie]

Maybe Brielle had it for three days.

[Abby Howard]

Three days.

[Addie]

I don't feed her lettuce or berries. So.

[Abigail]

Yeah. You're like, that's clear.

[Addie]

Clothes on me.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Well, that's crazy.

[Addie]

Just for like reference, in 2025 there were 2700 cases.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Addie]

And so far in 2026 there's over 11,000. So it's cost somewhere did go up

[Abigail]

this year just a bit. Well, it's like jump.

[Abby Howard]

You know what I just hear? I just hear 11,000 out of how many people America?

[Abigail]

125 million.

[Addie]

When you've lived through a global outbre of something, 11,000.

[Abigail]

You know what stuck with me a lot from the P A N D E M I C. The pandemic was, you know, What? There was a meme and it said. Yeah. When people used to say, run. Run like that from the plague. You know, get away from me like it's the plague. And he said, we realize, in fact, people do not run from the plague. Like, well, how? It's the. What's the saying? Shoot, I'm butchering it. What's the saying?

[Abby Howard]

Avoid that like the plague.

[Abigail]

Avoid that like the plague. It says, we did learn, in fact, people will not avoid it like the plague. Like, what do you mean? Like, with COVID people. I feel like whatever.

[Abby Howard]

What?

[Addie]

What? It got to a certain point where people.

[Abigail]

It's like people will not in fact avoid it. Oh, no.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like people did avoid it for a long time.

[Abigail]

Yeah, a couple months.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, my dad was Cloroxing envelopes from the mail.

[Addie]

He did a hard 180 on that one.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, he really did.

[Abigail]

I think at first I did. I got a little freaked out. I remember I wore gloves. I covered every inch of my body when I went to the grocery store. When I came back, I said, okay, Caleb, disinfect me. And I took all my clothes off, put them in the wash, and we wiped everything down from the grocery store.

[Abby Howard]

That checks out.

[Addie]

I didn't do anything. I really didn't do anything. And I never got it, really.

[Abby Howard]

I just said, I hit it five times. Springfield, Missouri. We had it five times.

[Abigail]

I've had it five times in the last. Like.

[Addie]

Like five.

[Abby Howard]

You tested positive five times?

[Abigail]

Five times. I've gotten it every year since. We've had it. Fun fact. I'm susceptible. Yeah, nothing quite like that. First time, though, wasn't horrible.

[Abby Howard]

That is.

[Addie]

I'm trying to be unbiased here, but

[Abigail]

I'm like, I have the swabs in my closet.

[Abby Howard]

You were testing yourself.

[Addie]

You're testing yourself.

[Abigail]

Self swabbing.

[Addie]

See this.

[Abigail]

This all checks out.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. It's better not to know. Abia. No, I'm just kidding.

[Addie]

That's probably why I've never had it. Because I've never went and tested.

[Abigail]

See.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, No, I had it real bad.

[Abigail]

I had it really bad.

[Abby Howard]

I passed out from it twice. Bonked my head, started crying.

[Addie]

I was the per. I didn't see you pass out. But I was. Because I was facing the other way. But I watched everyone else watch you pass out. And then I was like, she's going down. It was dramatic. You and Matt had to separate. And it was.

[Abby Howard]

I was crying because I missed Matt.

[Addie]

Speaking of, that was a memorable little time.

[Abigail]

That was memorable. I remember that was the first time I had shortness of breath, I was

[Abby Howard]

wearing two bathrobes because I had a really high fever. And then I took a nap, fell asleep in two bathrobes, woke up soaking, woke up on the ground with Blake and Addie. Just like. And my parents. I think my dad was free.

[Abigail]

Above you?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. And then they put me in the bathroom. Passed out in the bathroom against the door so they couldn't open the door. It was a dramatic scene. And then I started throwing up.

[Abigail]

Oh, my gosh.

[Addie]

I don't.

[Abby Howard]

I don't. Covid had a weird.

[Abigail]

That was weird.

[Abby Howard]

It really settled oddly in my system.

[Abigail]

Settled oddly. My system did not know what to do.

[Abby Howard]

I did a workout, and then I put on two bathrobes and went to bed.

[Abigail]

That checks out.

[Addie]

Is that the thing you guys did? You did a workout with your mom?

[Abigail]

She's like, I'm not sick. I didn't.

[Addie]

You know what's crazy about that? You and your mom did a workout in the living room. I didn't do it with you.

[Abigail]

You just watched.

[Addie]

No, I went and, like, sat in the bedroom. Like, I did not do it.

[Abby Howard]

You're like, they're so annoying.

[Addie]

That's, like, so weird of me.

[Abby Howard]

I don't think any of it. I didn't even remember that detail.

[Abigail]

I feel like conversations really, between us.

[Addie]

Sorry.

[Abby Howard]

There's an Internet of people.

[Addie]

This is our private conversation.

[Abigail]

This is literally, like, an us conversation.

[Abby Howard]

Cut it all.

[Abigail]

Don't keep it. We should bring it back.

[Abby Howard]

Bring it back.

[Addie]

Sorry. We're really digging into the details.

[Abby Howard]

To love and marriage.

[Addie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Abigail]

Well, yeah, we were freshly married at

[Abby Howard]

Covid, so that was crying for Matt as I was laying in the bathroom, passed out, and they're like, you can call him. We have Internet. It was a dramatic scene. But, yeah, that was like, our first year of marriage. You know what? We actually.

[Abigail]

Here's how we got married at the best time.

[Abby Howard]

We got married just before this.

[Abigail]

We really struggle with our timing.

[Abby Howard]

What'd you say?

[Abigail]

We struck gold with our timing.

[Abby Howard]

Struck gold. I thought you said we struggled. And I was like, no, I think we. Because we got married in the summer of 2019.

[Abigail]

Huh.

[Abby Howard]

Two weeks apart.

[Abigail]

Yep. It was.

[Abby Howard]

So Caleb and Abby got to get married first. They'd been together longer.

[Abigail]

That wasn't like. I never felt strongly about that.

[Abby Howard]

Somebody did.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Was it Caleb?

[Abigail]

No, it wasn't either of us. I think it was Teresa because she's got such a strong sense of justice in her mind. She was like, this is fair.

[Abby Howard]

They were.

[Abigail]

They Were dating longer. They should get married first.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, well, you know, they were like, sure.

[Abigail]

I was like, okay, we'll make the timeline work. It two weeks before.

[Abby Howard]

Two weeks. Wait, did you set your date first? I don't remember this.

[Abigail]

No, you guys had your date first.

[Abby Howard]

Oh.

[Abigail]

Because I remember asking you guys if it was too close together.

[Abby Howard]

No biggie.

[Abigail]

No. It's so fun.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Okay, so we got married two weeks apart in 2019, which means that we both just celebrated seven years together. So apparently now we're gonna start getting itchy. Yeah. Start hating our marriage.

[Abigail]

I feel actually more in love this year than I did last year.

[Abby Howard]

Me too. Really?

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

Yes. Here's my theory about the seven year itch. I don't think it should apply if you dated for years beforehand. I think seven years hits when you start when you get together.

[Abigail]

See, but we got married right at seven years.

[Abby Howard]

I know.

[Abigail]

So I've never had the itch.

[Abby Howard]

Well, you kind of just did jump the gun. Because then I feel. Not jump the gun. You kind of skipped over that. That's kind of a hack.

[Abigail]

I think. It is a hack. It's a bad hack. We did a long time.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that's a long time.

[Abigail]

A long time. We got engaged at our six year anniversary and we got married right before our seven year.

[Abby Howard]

Is that true?

[Abigail]

Huh?

[Abby Howard]

How many years have you guys been together?

[Abigail]

13. Yeah, since 2013. October will be our 13 year.

[Abby Howard]

I know. So then. Because I do feel like newlyweds, that. That, that's like a bonus year. Like, it just doesn't really feel like real life for a whole year. I don't know. Did you feel that way, Addie, that first year?

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Yeah. When I look back at it now, I'm like, oh, that was just so blissful.

[Abigail]

Yeah. I think it can go one of two ways. It can either go really blissful or really tumultuous. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Well, I feel like if you get married young, you kind of.

[Abigail]

You gotta figure it out.

[Abby Howard]

No, I think it's just. It's a little easier that first year because you're not in your own life, like independent.

[Abigail]

That's true.

[Abby Howard]

So I feel like if you're gonna have a tumultuous first year, maybe it's because you're kind of set in your lifestyle ways. Like, if I were to just like pick up and like move in with somebody else, and I'm like, wait a

[Abigail]

minute, wait a minute. We also dated long before we got married, so we kind of. I kind of knew like kilbs things, you know?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Whereas if you're. How long did you and Blake date, Addie?

[Addie]

We dated for two years.

[Abigail]

Oh, see, that's a long time. I feel like at least in our world with like the church world, people date for three to 12 months and then get married and. And maybe we'll get married, engaged, all in that first year. And so I think that makes sense to me where I'm like, oh, you don't even. You haven't been through seasons. And then they have a hard first year because you're learning how to communicate. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Whereas we had so many years together, we knew how to communicate kind of.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe you wouldn't even have. I don't even think we had an argument for like several months into dating.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

So that would be hard to just be married and then you're like, wait a minute, we disagree. That would feel hard.

[Addie]

I feel like that's like the, the. I feel like there's two different sides to it too, with like the young married of like when you get married when you're in college, you still have that like freedom, your first year of marriage of like not having the responsibility of like that full time job or full time things. You're like, you get to go to class and spend a lot of time together, which then could make your second year a little harder when you're like, real life set. Real life sets in. Or Blake and I got married in between. So I graduated and then I went working full time. And he was actually still in college, so it was a little. I was starting. We both started new things basically when we got married, which made it easier.

[Abigail]

Yeah, that was our timeline too. I loved our timeline. I graduated, lived at home for a year. Caleb finished school, we were engaged, playing the wedding during that year. And then the minute Caleb graduated, I think maybe it was two weeks after he graduated, we got married. Or maybe a month after he graduated and then. Yeah, we went on our honeymoon, had your guys wedding, and then we moved and started our jobs in Kansas City. Like it was all those transitions at one time.

[Abby Howard]

I thought you didn't like that and I thought that's why you lost a lot of hair.

[Abigail]

No, I loved it. I just lost hair because I was stressed.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Abigail]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I thought you were saying it was too much change at once.

[Abigail]

No, I didn't even realize. I honestly didn't. I don't think it was.

[Abby Howard]

It was.

[Abigail]

There was a lot of change during transition, which I thought was really fun and exciting. I think the hair and stress came out from like my Family being upset about the wedding. That. That's all season. What? You talked about that before. Our moms and dads put. Put in some.

[Abby Howard]

You know, we hashed that out with

[Abigail]

him live on the podcast. We did. We did.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, there's been some healing in that area.

[Abigail]

I feel very healed from it. But my hair.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe that is why we got a lot. That's why we got close. Probably because we weren't close until we were just going through the same.

[Abigail]

Huh.

[Abby Howard]

Similar scary things.

[Abigail]

Yeah. I remember us talking about that for the first time. And I was like, wait, you're going through this too?

[Abby Howard]

I was like, I don't know what to do.

[Abigail]

Me neither. I'm so scared of Mike.

[Addie]

I know.

[Abby Howard]

That was hard.

[Abigail]

That was hard. We made it through.

[Abby Howard]

But, yeah, I do think that is an advantage of getting married young. Definitely not. Like, it's just one of those things that, like, happens if you meet your person when you're young. Like, that you don't. You're not like. I feel like that transition is fairly smooth because you're just like, well, this is fun.

[Abigail]

Totally.

[Abby Howard]

Like, it's really low stakes. That life at that point is really low stakes. Not. Not for everyone, but for most people. Like, you're. We were still in college. Like, we were going to class together.

[Abigail]

Like, yeah, that's crazy.

[Abby Howard]

That is really wild. So that was just, like, super fun. The thing that was hard about that was, like, all of our friends were still, like, hanging out and doing friend things. And then we were just, like, in our own, like, little apartment off campus. So then I felt, like, a little removed and, like.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe, like, I was missing out on something.

[Addie]

I remember texting you about that because I had the same thing whenever I. I moved out, too. Of just, like, feeling left out.

[Abby Howard]

It's. It's something that. It's like. That's kind of. I hate to say it. It's like, I chose that.

[Addie]

Yeah. And.

[Abby Howard]

But it is a bummer.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

But I wasn't. It wasn't anyone's fault.

[Abigail]

No.

[Abby Howard]

Like, it was just.

[Abigail]

I feel like, especially in college, you hang out by circumstance. Usually.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Everything's so fly by the seat of your pants.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Abigail]

That you're not formally inviting people together.

[Abby Howard]

So it's just like. It just happens. And then you're like, oh, wait, missed out. Yeah. You can't have everything. You can't have a cake and eat it too. You gotta make choices, make that decision over and over again.

[Abigail]

Thank you to Forkful for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Sometimes when life gets very busy, it can be hard to eat. And you know that. We love to eat. We talk about it constantly.

[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

Yes, I had, I got, I got that wagyu beef lasagna.

[Abby Howard]

Like, have you heard? Oh, I love fast meals. You're like, I need a quick meal and I'm just gonna sit down and have some.

[Abigail]

I want something quality. I want some bison cut salmon. I want some.

[Abby Howard]

I want protein every meal.

[Abigail]

Yeah, I love that.

[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

Matt and I always say we wish we would have gotten married a year earlier, but I do think that would have made me estrange for my family, so.

[Abigail]

Oh, my God.

[Abby Howard]

I'm sure it would have buffed out, but probably. We probably wouldn't be talking about it on a public podcast. Of course, even seven years in

[Addie]

the

[Abby Howard]

fact that it's seven years, I still feel scared. I know.

[Abigail]

I'm like, I don't want to hurt their feelings, Mom.

[Abby Howard]

Don't listen.

[Addie]

Totally.

[Abby Howard]

But yeah. Okay, so what would you say was, like the hardest year so far?

[Abigail]

Man.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, maybe not hardest year. Hardest season.

[Abigail]

Our hardest seasons in marriage. I mean, that's the fun thing about marriage, is that you're constantly. You're always married to someone new and your seasons are always changing of your life. I mean, I don't think seven years in retrospect is that long of a time in the grand scheme of our lives. Hopefully. But you think about all the change we've had in seven years. Graduating college, moving, getting married, having kids.

[Abby Howard]

A lot of things are happening.

[Abigail]

New jobs, businesses. I mean, there's so many things that We've packed into these seven years that I feel like, oh, my gosh, we're completely different people, which is exciting.

[Abby Howard]

And.

[Abigail]

Were you gonna say something?

[Abby Howard]

Well, did you ask Caleb?

[Abigail]

I did ask Caleb, and actually, I agree on our. Our hardest year.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Did you agree with Matt on your hardest year, or do you guys have different ones? We asked our husband.

[Abby Howard]

I could think of two years that were challenging for different reasons. Thankfully, none of them were this year.

[Abigail]

Gosh, gosh dang that.

[Abby Howard]

I'm really glad that it wasn't this year. Yeah, that would have been really awkward to talk about right now in this season. But, yeah, I did agree with him.

[Abigail]

Okay. Caleb and I said year three, or I think it was year four. It was right when we moved here. That was our hardest year, which I think that makes a lot of sense. Just circumstantially. We moved to Phoenix from Kansas City. We're thrown out of our community starting. I mean, we had our business at the time. Everything goes down the toilet, down the drain. We find out we're pregnant. It just was such, like, a shaking year. And it was probably the first time in our marriage that I don't think we were necessarily aligned on what to do, which also felt really hard. Being disaligned in your. The next direction of your relationship is really a scary place to be. And it was. Not that we fought a lot during that time, but it was just tense. Like we were both always walking on eggshells. We both inside probably harbored a lot of emotion. Yeah, I just remember that. I mean, I can go into detail of it. I mean, it's so hard.

[Abby Howard]

How much of that do you think had to do with working together?

[Abigail]

That's interesting. I think what was hard when we worked together. So we had our clothing business and Caleb came on after a couple years of it. I think there are some pros and cons to it. Like, one, we really had to figure out what our roles were, which was really good and super helpful, which I think translated to helping us in our marriage too. Like figuring. Yeah, like, figuring out what our. And just having the communication around, talking about these roles, I think it just made it really like an open door where we had to figure things out.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Abigail]

So that was really good. But then at the end of the business, like, our business got into a lot of debt. And so he's on one hand being like, I have to get a job. We have a baby coming. I cannot stay on board with Bolt. And then I'm over here, like, you cannot leave me with this mess, how I can't handle this on my own. You know, just this, like, intense feeling, fear. Also being just so dis. Aligned in what. Yeah. How to handle that situation was really hard. And him being like, we have to make money. We don't have any money. And me being like, but I don't know how to. I don't know what to do, like, what the next steps are. And so there was just this constant battle of, like, maybe no decisions in that season because we couldn't come to an agreement. And that was so hard. Just waking up at night anxious, not communicating well, Just. Just shut down both of us.

[Abby Howard]

That's really hard.

[Abigail]

It was really. Yeah. It was like, a scary season, for sure.

[Abby Howard]

We have only worked together, like, our entire marriage, which is kind of unique, but also, I know a lot of people do it, and I feel like that was something that. That's what initially got us in couples therapy, which was really good because it. We did. We just figured that out early on. We're like, this is just something that. It's like, we might just need a third person to, like, get aligned on, especially with, like, the nature of our job. Like, it was so personal that it was like, we just need to make sure that we have, like, check imbalances in this. And that wasn't our hardest year. That wasn't the hardest thing for us. But I totally agree that working together has actually really helped our marriage in the sense that we have really like, it. They change, and they.

[Addie]

They.

[Abby Howard]

Of course, they change over time, but we have really established our roles. Yeah. In our work, but also, like, our roles in our marriage. I feel like we have just become such a. Like, we're a really good team, I think.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And, like, a good unit together. I think there's a lot of things that I'm like, we don't even need to talk about it, because it's just, like, I take for granted that that's just, like, assumed that this is what I do, this is what you do. And then. But the other thing I was gonna say about that, because we had the talking point, talking about working together, just to close that one out, is that I actually do think that when it comes. We've talked about, like, wearing the pants a lot, and I think that's, like, a funny thing. And also it can just, like, make people feel weird. Like, it's like, oh, they're like, the boss of the relationship, or just makes people feel like. I don't know. It has a weight to it. That doesn't Necessarily. I don't mean it in that way, but I will say, like, what we have learned or what I have learned is that, like, someone really does have to be the leader.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And it can't just be, like, because we always say, like, we both wear the pants. It's because it's not like, he's just, like, making decisions that I don't agree with. Like, he's fully considering me, and if I don't agree, I can tell him I don't agree, and we can have a conversation about other things. Right. But something about working together made me really realize, too, like, someone has to be.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

The lead.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And I was more than happy to be. Like, I don't really actually want to do that. I don't want to do that one.

[Addie]

No. For sure.

[Abby Howard]

Which is so funny, though, because I make more decisions for us because I'm better at making decisions. Like, I'm more decisive. It comes from having. What's that? Delusional confidence.

[Abigail]

I love delusional confidence.

[Abby Howard]

Like, I'm like, I have a lot. Like, this is right. 100%.

[Abigail]

Yes, yes, yes. Like, you sold me. There's no option, really.

[Abby Howard]

When you look at it, like, Matt's, like, looking at a Cheesecake Factory menu,

[Abigail]

and he's like, huh?

[Abby Howard]

He's like, what are we getting? So it's like, I actually do make more decisions, but I'm always like. When there's, like. When we come to an impasse on things, I've been more than happy to be like, you know what?

[Abigail]

You got it.

[Abby Howard]

You got it. Because then also, he does kind of hold the consequences of it more than two. Like, I know we share those roles and, like, those consequences of decisions, but, like, like, another way, I'm like, I don't. I want to say that you made that decision. We're in this together. But.

[Abigail]

Yeah, but you got it.

[Abby Howard]

Please. You took the lead. And so, yeah, for us, when I asked Matt what I knew he was gonna say, the hardest year it was, and he said, probably. This is really vulnerable. I. He sent this to me. So he said this. He knew this was for the podcast.

[Abigail]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

He said, probably openly talking about marriage problems on the entire Internet all while we were trying to raise two kids under two. And I was like, yeah, a lot of learning lessons in that moment for both of us. And so, yeah, that's. We asked, like, what was the hardest year? And I think that was literally, like, probably the. One of the things that made having two under two extra difficult. There's just so much so much weight to, like, so much complexity to that, so much added pressure that, like, didn't necessarily need to be there. And I think that, like, we learned a lot, which is also why we asked them the. The follow up question. What did you learn from, like, that hardest season?

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And he said, we learned to put boundaries in place. And also our kids grew up and their needs changed.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

So, like, that made that, like, year. It was a perfect storm. Like, that year was just, like, really hard because I think I also lost sight of, like, my role in the marriage, like, a little bit, or not my role in the marriage, but, like, I feel like it's really easy when you become a mom to just, like, think about your kids. Yeah. And I, like, totally lost sight of, like, prioritizing our marriage and, like, prioritizing, like, even myself in a way. And so that was, like, a really weird thing to come out of. I think they always say, like, on what do they say, like, it takes one person to change, to change an entire relationship.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I really learned that after coming out of that season because I feel like in my head I was like, well, these kids and like, there's so many other responsibilities. How could I ever prioritize me? Like, we're. We're adults. We're fine. We can take care of it.

[Abigail]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

And then when I actually was like, no, I can only change myself and only, like, work on the things that I have control over. And, like, that's such an obvious thing. But then really changing my mindset around that, I was like, wow, this is really powerful because it can. It really can change the whole relationship for sure. So I learned a lot coming out of that. I know Matt learned a lot. And life got a lot easier when we just decided, like, okay, wait, we need to realign. Like, what is. What are our boundaries? But most importantly, what are our priorities? Yeah. And so that was a really long winded way to answer that question.

[Abigail]

No, but it's. It's good. There's so much there. I think I like that that the. It takes one person to change relationship, because I think I. I think you do realize it's easy in these seasons where things are hectic. Maybe one person in the marriage is struggling a little bit more mentally or going through something harder that you're ne. Like you're going through different hard things at different times. But it takes one person to step up and start making the effort to then the other person be reminded, oh, I also want to make an effort. And then you come back together. And so I feel like that's the game or like that's just the. The seasons of marriage. It's like you fall apart, you come back together. You fall apart, you come back together. So I think that's a really good. I mean, I think that's really good. I think it's hopeful.

[Abby Howard]

What did you learn from your hard season?

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

He said the same thing as me. He said. He said. What I learned from it is that financial health in a relationship is very important. I also learned that your spouse is not your enemy. They are your partner. Going through it and pray more together. I think that was something that was really interesting about that season because we were not aligned. And so it kind of felt like we weren't. We weren't working as a team. He had one thing, I had one thing, and we were, like, going against each other, which. Yeah. It was just really hard. I think we had to constantly remind ourselves, like, we are in this together. And how if you have different directions and you're going different steps or you need to do different things at this time, how can you do that Also, though, as a team and support one another still as you're trying something new? I don't know. That was really tricky to navigate. I don't even know if I'm making any sense, is what I'm saying.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Like, you both had different solutions to the problem.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And felt like you needed to move in different ways. So then how did you come to a resolution?

[Abigail]

Honestly, I folded. Honestly, I realized he was right.

[Abby Howard]

Carol Powers.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Crumbled. No, I mean, he was right. I mean, you guys threw us a big bone. Helped us get out of that business, Help us close the doors of that and sell everything out. And that was like, the biggest relief and superhuman healing in our marriage because it felt like this path that was. It felt like a weight literally tied to our legs that we could not. It was just such an impasse. Like, I didn't know how to move on without Caleb helping me, and Caleb needed to move on to get a job.

[Abby Howard]

That's so tough.

[Abigail]

It was just. Yeah. And so finally, like, closing that loop helped. And I think also, like, once the emotions were out of it, the hard emotions are out of it. I think Caleb realized, like, how he could support me in the closing of the business, and I was able to then come to a place where I was like. Like, you're right. This business was feeling a need to close, and now I can support you in your next job instead of feeling bitter towards you. I think it was Just coming to an understanding of each decision and understanding the emotions behind it, which took time to come to.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, those things can really.

[Abigail]

I think sometimes the time aspect feels really hard in a marriage. You know, it's like I want peace right now or we want to get through this right now. But sometimes that journey of navigating how to handle it is where you like, like you obviously get the most, the best lessons out of it. But yeah, I felt very impatient during that time and obviously it just sucks feeling separated from your spouse. Yeah. I think we prayed a lot together during that time. We prayed for alignment. Like help us to feel unified in our decisions, what we're going to do and then just let the cause fall,

[Abby Howard]

you know, I think something that helps has helped like both of us and our marriage a lot too is just like constantly thinking about like ways to improve. And for me that literally this sounds so cheesy. But like listening to marriage and relationship podcasts, I feel like it's just always is making. It's making. It's growing my own self awareness of how I'm showing up in my relationship more than anything. Then like I'm like, oh, I'm like learning from the. It's more just like make. Causing me to reflect on myself and Matt. Matt too. But I recently listened to a podcast by Arthur Brooks and his wife, which I love Arthur Brooks.

[Abigail]

I was gonna bring up something he said.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And his, him and his wife did a podcast episode. Did you hear this one? Is it was called like Falling in Love and Staying in Love. He's writing another book. So I'm like, can we please have him on the podcast? That's cool. I would love to have him and Esther on. I like, I really, really love them and. But they. She. Something Esther was saying was like her like from her perspective, like love is I might say this wrong but like always wishing for the greatest good in the other person. And that really stuck with me because I feel like I've always said Matt, like we've always said, like, love is consideration. And I feel like these things, like a lot of the same things align in those like fields of thought. But I don't really know where I was going with that. But I feel like, yeah, that plays a role like multiple times in my day where I'm like, okay, I'm. I'm wishing for the greatest good for you and you're wishing for the greatest good for me. And then that is where we can find like, like you said, where you're not like feeling as much Anger about folding quote, unquote on something or making compromise in certain areas. Because it's like, okay, well, there. I trust that you're wishing for my greatest good, and I know that I'm wishing for your greatest good. So then, therefore, like, whoever, quote unquote, wins this or gets their way in this area is really for the greater good of our relationship. Yeah, that makes sense, for sure. And then that whatever is the best for the relationship is the best for me as an individual as well.

[Abigail]

Totally.

[Abby Howard]

And so I don't know why that was such a wounded way of saying it. Probably listen to your podcast.

[Abigail]

No, I think that was really good. Really good.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

And I agree. I think that's something that I had to learn in that year is like, I think I was being very selfish, like, holding on, just continuing to back up debt with this business.

[Addie]

Business.

[Abigail]

Like, that was. But it was. It was something that I just had such a hard time letting go of, and I had to come to the realization I'm like, caleb is. This is, like, for the good of our family, what he's saying? He's not wanting me to, like, give this business because he hates me or thinks I'm a failure or whatever. Like, it's just, this is not what's best for our family. And I trust that he has my best interest in mind and our family's best interest in mind. And so when he's telling me these things and then I'm looking at it and it's true, it is not doing well. You know, I think just I had to have that mentality shift or, like, it's not me against him. Like, we're a team. And, like, he did support me for so long in this and then realized, you know, and so that aspect of it, like, I always want to remember. Remember that, yeah, he has our best interest and I have his best interest in mind. And sometimes we may lose sight of that. And that's when you have grace for your husband or your wife.

[Abby Howard]

You know, something you said made, like, brought up something that I think about a lot, is that if I'm feeling insecure about something, I look to Matt and I point out that area. So let me just explain. I'll give an example. Like, if I'm getting on myself or being, like, if I feel like I'm being lazy, then I find myself nitpicking his productivity. And then I'm like, wait a minute, step back. Like, I am actually just beating myself up because I'm not getting as much things as I want to get done. Done right now. And so I'm just like, seek. I don't know why I do that. That was something I noticed. I literally did that the other day. I was like, you know, I think

[Abigail]

that was a me thing.

[Abby Howard]

I think that was actually, like, a me problem. And that just reminded me too, like, you know, it takes one person to, like.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Change a relationship. And also I was like, that actually had nothing to do with you. I'm just feeling, like, not confident. Which is also why I always say that's why I wanted to seek individual therapy, too. And I think honestly, being in individual therapy helped my marriage more than marriage therapy ever did. And I. I always. I talk about therapy a lot, and I don't feel like this is something that, like, is necessarily not the only means to doing it. I think it's really important to have goals with it. And I think it's also, like, important to, like, not just go into therapy and then just, like, put your feelings in a pot and, like, stir it together. Like. Yeah, I think it's good to, like, make actionables out of it.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

But I do think that, like, taking care, like, taking ownership of my own things changed my marriage more than even just, like, couples therapy.

[Abigail]

Oh, I bet.

[Abby Howard]

Also, have you seen that show Couples Therapy, by the way?

[Abigail]

The best show ever.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, no, I'm sorry.

[Abigail]

I'm thinking a couple company retreat.

[Abby Howard]

It's actually like couples going to therapy and watching it. Yes.

[Abigail]

That seems like a breach of trust.

[Abby Howard]

Well, they agreed to it.

[Addie]

Shoot.

[Abby Howard]

But it actually feels really real. I think it is real.

[Abigail]

You think it's held, like, a good show.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know about. It's interesting.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And it is. And it's really interesting. Matt and I have been watching it. We had to stop because it got really sad.

[Abigail]

Oh.

[Abby Howard]

One couple separated and so I was like, well, dang it. Cute.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I think the same thing can be accomplished outside of therapy. Like being. Being self reflective.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Relationship.

[Abigail]

That was really good advice. I remember reading this in a book right when we got married, and they talked about not keeping score in your marriage and not looking at your spouse. Like, they didn't do this or this or this. And I was doing all this, this, this and this. Because then in your head, you're just growing that bitterness in you. And I think that was something I really had to learn in our first couple years of marriage. And so then I'm looking and it's like, no, no. Even though I didn't see what he was doing all day, he was really doing these, this, this and this. And I think it's, I think marriage really is just a lot of giving your partner the benefit of the doubt.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Abigail]

And being gracious towards them.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you to Quints for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

Oh my gosh. That white organza cotton skirt. The one that I bought because you look so good in it.

[Abby Howard]

And then I think I look pretty good in it.

[Abigail]

And then I bought it for Val. Yep, yep, yep.

[Abby Howard]

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[Abigail]

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[Abby Howard]

When I think about Quint, I think about like amazing staples that are built to last that I can just dress up in so many different ways. And I love versatile pieces because these trendy items end up they gone, they're out of the closet or they just sit there and you never end up wearing them. Right. But I get so much wear out of my Quint pieces. Upgrade your everyday. Go to quints.com.com Abby for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Q U I N C E.com Abby for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com Abby we have a question here,

[Abigail]

like what's the worst advice? So this is a some good advice I remember getting or reading about and it's just allowing your part like your husband or your wife to fail. And I think specifically like, like okay, yeah, Caleb is like the Leader, he makes the. When we come to an impasse, like I'm gonna trust his final decision in these things. And I very, very grateful for that. Like how we talked about that, I do not want to do that. But I think also he did this with me and I did this with him. Just allowing your, your person to fail and grow and not holding that over their head. Let, if they want to try something, let them try things. I think obviously there's like caveats to these things, but no one is born a great leader. No one is born a perfect wife or husband. It takes trial and error. And so when your partner or your spouse errors, you have to be gracious and like help build them back up, not tear them down, not become bitter through it. I think that was something that was super healthy. And the way like we came out of year four really strong is because neither of us did that. Like, he never held the debt over my head. It took over a year to pay off that debt. Like, he never held that over my head and never made me feel guilty about it. Was always only ever super encouraging about it. And then with him taking this new job, like, like I never held it over, you know, I never made him feel guilty or whatever. Just encourage. And I feel very grateful in that, that we gave each other this space to fail and to learn and to grow even with the costs.

[Abby Howard]

That's really good advice.

[Abigail]

Yeah. And I remember reading that in a book and that's always stuck with me. And then I feel like we experienced it really hard.

[Abby Howard]

So you're like, wow, we gotta put this. Wow.

[Abigail]

Really? That stuck out to me for a reason. Thank you, Lord. Help me connect the dots. Did you have the worst advice?

[Abby Howard]

I. I did, but I talked about it on unplanned before we got married and pre Married. Okay, well, I can say it. Before we got married, someone told us that we need to take more time to be selfish.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And I actually don't think that that would translate well. And I think dating is a really good time to practice that muscle of selflessness.

[Abigail]

I would agree.

[Abby Howard]

So I was like, that was bad advice.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know, I wouldn't recommend it. I would say that's your time to try. Other, like be open handed with life. When you're still dating, you're not married, you're not tied to this person.

[Addie]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

But to be selfish, I just never think that actually would ever be good advice.

[Abigail]

Yeah, totally.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe they meant it differently than I took it.

[Abigail]

No, I think, yeah, I think they probably meant it. How you took it like, go do what you want to do.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. This person was a mentor.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

So I was like, gotta be careful. Gotta be really careful with that.

[Abigail]

Yeah. I never really subscribed to that thinking of, like, I need to go find myself before I go and get, like, married or start this next season of my life. I just never really. Or, like, get things out of your system. I'm like, I just actually think you just need to flex self control and, like, make a choice. I don't know. And then not be bitter about your choices. You know, I think a lot of that is a choice in my head, personally.

[Abby Howard]

That's a personal choice.

[Abigail]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My bad advice is kind of similar. It was just wait to get married.

[Abby Howard]

Well, this person said this because they were trying to tell us to wait to get married.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Okay. Questions from our audience, which, by the

[Abby Howard]

way, we have no authority on this topic.

[Abigail]

Just wait. That could be really good advice to someone. I think that could be really good advice. We're just coming from our life experience.

[Addie]

Autumn asks, what is an assumption you had about becoming a wife that turned out to be false?

[Abigail]

That's a good question, Addie. You got one?

[Addie]

Not really. I feel like maybe I thought, like, when I first got married that, like, I. The roles that we had in our marriage would stay the same forever. Like, Blake would always be the cook. Blake would always do these things. I would always do these things. And I think as we've been in our marriage longer, it's shifted with the seasons. And so I feel like I never thought I'd be the one cooking dinner every single night. And then Blake got a job, and I was like, oh, like, one of us has to cook. And I'm home most of the day. I am working, but also, like, like, I don't have to commute 40 minutes after my work. Like, I can start cooking dinner. Like, that was a new shift that I've realized, and it's made me feel like more like a wife, which is weird. More like a wife and a mom.

[Abigail]

That's good. That's a good one, Addie.

[Addie]

Just responsibilities shifting. I didn't realize what happened.

[Abigail]

Yeah, I think, like, us growing up, we just. I mean, I grew up in. My parents had a very traditional marriage. Like, my dad left and worked out of the house. My mom was a stay at home mom. And so I think in my head I was like, that's probably the picture of it. I didn't necessarily want that for my life. Not because they painted a picture of it poorly. I was just like, I just wanted to be a business owner, you know, but maybe, yeah, now I'm like more in those roles. So I'm like, that's an assumption now

[Abby Howard]

I'm feeling it so funny because mine's the opposite.

[Abigail]

Yeah, you're like, what, you wanted to be a stay at home mom and now you're foster.

[Abby Howard]

No, not that. But I'm saying, like, I think that in marriage, like before I was like, I think I'll just stay home with the kids. And now like we have very equal parenting roles, like very equal roles in the house, like very equal in those ways. And I think neither one of us necessarily like expected it to be so 50. 50. And I'm really grateful for it too because I just feel like. And we both have equal responsibility in both realms and that has made things a lot easier, like not keeping score, pointing fingers, because it's like we do have equal responsibility, but I just definitely didn't picture that. And so I feel like also here's the thing too. I feel like we're always checking in with each other because we knew that going into marriage we had this vision which also, how could we have even like had that vision at like 20 years old? Like that wasn't. Obviously you have to have some picture of what it's going to look like. But that was just one of those things where it's like we really had no idea what life was going to hand us.

[Abigail]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

But. But then like I feel like Matt every single day checks in. He's like, are you sure you're okay with this? Like, are you sure? And I'm like, yeah, are you sure you're okay with this? And he's like, yeah, we're like, okay, it's fine. But it's so weird how that initial vision of like wife, husband, like that can really still play a role even seven years in.

[Addie]

Totally.

[Abby Howard]

It's crazy.

[Abigail]

Uh huh. For sure.

[Addie]

Duty, maybe. How do you bring up hard questions in the beginning of a relationship? Relationship.

[Abigail]

I think that timeline is always a little tricky because you want it to be soon enough where if you're deciding, hey, I'm gonna be boyfriend, girlfriend or exclusive or more, I'm gonna step into a more serious relationship with someone, I want to know what I'm getting into. But then also if you say things too early, like, I don't know, I have a hard time, well then I

[Abby Howard]

feel like if it's too early, then you, even without trying, you're just accidentally saying things that you're wanting to please the other person, like, it's too early. Like.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

To get to build that trust and comfort.

[Abigail]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know. I feel like my thing, too, is that I just, like, dive head first into those types of things, which Matt did, too, so then it made it easy. But if both of you are kind of more like, a little more hesitant. A little more hesitant, then that probably makes it a lot harder, I would say, like, I always use those, like, little. We like those, like, question cards on date night. And I feel like it's like. Then it's like, it's not me asking this question. It's not you asking this question. It's the card. It's the third party.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

It's like, we gotta answer it because of the game.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

But then, like, obviously, I feel like that's something that you'd only need to use at the beginning, and then you could enter into those conversations more naturally later on.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I would say the time comes, like, when they're. When something comes up, maybe talk about it then rather than, like, dumping all of them on a first date or

[Abigail]

a second date or definitely not that.

[Abby Howard]

Or don't dump it.

[Abigail]

And I think.

[Addie]

I think I would also say even once you're in a relationship, like, the sooner the better. I mean, there were things that Blake and I were doing that we both. At one point, he brought up to me, and I was like, oh, my gosh. I didn't want to be doing that either, but we hadn't talked about it, so I thought you were happy. I thought I was happy. And then I was like, I wish we would have talked about this so much sooner. And so I feel like some of those conversations are hard, but also bringing them up when they're on your mind.

[Abigail]

Yeah. I think once you start feeling the weight of, like, oh, I really want to have the conversation about this. The minute you start sensing that your relationships get more serious, you should just bring it up, because then you always have this on this weight of you, and you can't make clear decisions or even just be yourself naturally because you always have this looming over you. So, you know, I don't know. That's a hard one.

[Abby Howard]

Sometimes I'm like, oh, so and so. Like, I heard this happen to someone. Like, what would you do? And, like, in this, like. Or what. What do you, like? I don't know.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Hypothetical.

[Abby Howard]

Easier to bring up other people's scenarios and talk about it outside of your relationship.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

At least early on.

[Addie]

I don't know.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Caleb, Grace asks, do you ever struggle with bitterness towards your husband over little things?

[Abigail]

Yeah. Yeah, for sure.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Abigail]

Yes. But I think that's something that I actively am. Like, oh, I have to tell Caleb I'm feeling better about this. Because if you let it harbor. I heard this in a sermon once. It's a. Bitterness is drinking poison, expecting the other person to get sick. But you're just getting sick. Like, you're just ruminating, and the other person has no idea what's going on. You know what I mean? They're so blissful. And so whenever I feel that, I just express it. Yeah. But just. See, it usually takes me a couple days.

[Abby Howard]

I gotta be the opposite. I had to learn to hold my tongue. Like, I was like, abby, is. This is really important to voice this. Like, I just had to learn to just not voice every filter.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

To filter it. Or, like, be, like, in this moment, it's just not the time. I would bring it up, like, every time. Like, as in the most hottest moment, I'd bring it up, and then I would literally be like, I just literally threw gasoline on this. And I. Like, I could just could not stop blowing things up. And so I feel like learning to hold my tongue was actually what I needed to help in those bitterness. And then. And I realized, like, over time, I was like. I could see more clearly that I was like. That wasn't a big deal, but I do think you need to know yourself. Like, we have different. We were coming from different angles on that. I'm like, the person. I'm like, let me just talk a million miles a minute and tell you everything I feel and why I feel that way and what you could do differently. So I don't feel that way in the future. And then it's just like.

[Abigail]

Right. And then I'm. Let me sit on it for, like, 10 days and then let me get

[Abby Howard]

mad that you're silent.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You don't know what to say.

[Addie]

Public.

[Abby Howard]

Like, I had a really. That was just my tendencies. But, yeah, I think it's better to have a conversation. We do this thing called take a break, and it really does work out really well. It took a long time to nail this skill, but it was like, as soon as things were, like, starting to feel, like, our emotions feel elevated. This doesn't mean that you're yelling or name calling, but it just means that you're just feeling, like, certain. Like, I just say, I'm feeling hot.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Like, then I would just be like, hey, like, can I take five? Can we take five and just come back to this. Sometimes it's 15, and sometimes it's like, we just maybe need to wait until the kids go to bed, and then we talk about this. And then that skill. Because it's not like you don't communicate then. Because we still work together. Like, we still have to communicate.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

It was really good to, like, have to put that in a box and then revisit it. And I think that goes with bitterness, too. Like, if I was like, oh, that. That's making me feel really, really ticked off right now. I wonder in 15 minutes if I'm going to feel the same way about that.

[Abigail]

Yeah, for sure.

[Addie]

That kind of goes into this question by Mariah. She said, your biggest advice during disagreements with your spouse.

[Abby Howard]

Take a break.

[Abigail]

Yeah. If it's heated, you got to step away and, like, calm down.

[Addie]

I will say. I will say. Just putting this out there, saying, take a break sounds so easy. You got to make sure the other person's on the same page.

[Abby Howard]

I asked about a year.

[Addie]

I asked for a break every single time I get one about 50 of the time, and I'm like, I need it, or I'm gonna keep screaming.

[Abigail]

Yeah, that's hard because it doesn't feel like a break.

[Addie]

I know. I'm mad, and I can't get out

[Abigail]

of it, you know?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

But I could see on Blake's end where he's like, you're. You're, like, fleeing the.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

I'm like, problem sometimes.

[Addie]

Not putting you on blast. We're okay. I. He doesn't listen. I, like, will take my break, and then he'll come to me. I'm like, I'm not. I will come back when I'm ready. He'll come try and talk to me.

[Abby Howard]

If you set a time and say, it's like. Because then that other person feels like you're going to circle back and see it through and say, if you say, like, five minutes, and then maybe you're not ready in five minutes, you go back and say, hey, I actually need a little bit more time. But making sure that it's not, like, take a break, and then you go to bed, and you wake up the next morning, and then, like, that's where it doesn't really work.

[Addie]

Yeah, for sure.

[Abby Howard]

But it does take a lot of effort on the other person's end to acknowledge that. But I feel like for us now, like, having exercise that enough. We're both just like, yeah, it works so much better.

[Addie]

I'm like, Blake understands it, too. I'm like, you know, if you Give me a break. It will be better. Just believe.

[Abby Howard]

Better.

[Abigail]

I don't even start a conversation when I'm feeling mad. I don't even. And if I start to feel mad, I'm like, hey, let's. I'm feeling so mad. I'm. I'm not talking about this tonight. I'm gonna talk about tomorrow. Because I. When I get mad, my thoughts don't form.

[Addie]

It starts, and then it makes me mad. Well, I'm not mad at.

[Abigail]

Yeah, usually, like, whatever it is, if we talk about something and then we're getting upset, I'll ruminate on things and my thoughts, like, three days or whatever, and I have to write them all down. And I'm like, hey, I'm. I'm still really mad about this, but I will talk to you about it tomorrow. Like, I, like, drag things out, but I do not want to talk about things in the moment when I'm mad because I say things so I don't mean. So I have to form all my thoughts out. And then I. When I go, we sit down, like, okay, I'm ready to talk about this, or I want to bring it up. It's usually, like, at a quiet time at night when we're alone. And normally I've gone past this mad part, and then I'm just feeling sad that we're in a fight. And I could talk about it, but we never. I never. I'm never engaging when I'm, like, heated. Because it ain't pretty.

[Abby Howard]

It ain't pretty.

[Addie]

I am. And that's one thing that we've talked about recently is. And I'm trying to remember it, and it actually comes up in my brain all the time now is that I'm like, I don't want our marriage to be marked by fighting and arguing. Like, I don't want that to be a mark of our marriage. And so that's just, like, what keeps. I learned that, like, three days ago, maybe, that I was like, that's my new motto, is that I don't want our marriage to be marked by that. And so I feel like that's been helping me. Whenever I'm, like, getting annoyed about something else, I'm like, that's not what I want my marriage to be marked by.

[Abby Howard]

So it's not worth it.

[Addie]

So sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. That's good.

[Abigail]

Having a goal in your head of, like, what is. What is the goal here?

[Addie]

Yeah. Is love or Cassie wants to know, is love a feeling or a choice?

[Abby Howard]

Both, actually. That's what you should listen to Esther and Arthur's podcast.

[Abigail]

Is that what they talk about?

[Abby Howard]

They talk a lot. They're like, because. Because Arthur's. Arthur Brooks is a professor at Harvard. He studies like, brain, but he's like. Or the brain, but he's like the happiness expert professor. But he always says, he's like, if it was just a feeling, that would just be so lame because it's just the activity in the limbic system. Because he's thinking about the brain, that's just like activ in your limbic system. He's like, that's not anything special. And so he's like, it's like a deep commitment and choice every single day to be in love with the person that you have chosen to share your life with. But yeah, he was like, it's just activity in the limbic system or something like that. I was like, that's funny.

[Abigail]

That's a good way to put it.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, that was a professor thing to say.

[Addie]

Yeah. I feel like there's also just feelings of love. Like the other morning, I was like, I was. Brielle was sitting in her high chair. I was making pancakes. Blake got up, I let him sleep in, and I was dancing to force Frank in the kitchen. I asked him later that day, I said, when you walked out, you saw that. Did you just. Were you just like, this is exactly what I wanted with my life. My dreams have come true. He later on, he was like, yeah, I guess. Yeah, like, that's a feeling of love, of being like, this is like what I have looked forward to. So there's those feelings too.

[Abigail]

Caleb called me yesterday after you're recording. He's like, your location was turned. Turned off. I just. I was calling to see where you are. And I think to me, I was like, oh, he cares where I'm at. Like, he thinks about me, you know, because I check in on hinder that. I'm like, oh, where's his, like, job site at? Or is it close? Can I go visit? Or like, when's he coming home? Is he on his way home yet? And in my head, I. He never checked my location. I was like, he never. And so when he checked, I was like, he's thinking about it.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, so suspicious. Why did you turn your location off?

[Abigail]

I didn't. I think. I don't know what happened.

[Addie]

I saw a TikTok like that the other day of like, that was like me on the phone with my husband when he calls me every day to tell me he's on his way home. But I've already changed location.

[Abigail]

I already know, literally at 5pm If I don't see him, like, me too.

[Addie]

When are you getting home? Or he was like, yesterday. I was like, how far are you away? He's like, 20 minutes. I'm like, but at 5:05, you left. So you should be only like 10 minutes away.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Whenever Cale's like, far for a job site, I always do the. I go to his location. How far many minutes away is this location?

[Abby Howard]

His are far.

[Abigail]

Sometimes they are, yeah.

[Addie]

How do you draw the line between compromise and simply lowering your standards?

[Abigail]

I don't think I've ever lowered my standards.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I don't think. I don't think.

[Abigail]

I don't think you should. But compromise, I think is more so within, like, just decisions or like little things. But it's never. I'm never like, I've never lowered my standards.

[Abby Howard]

I want to be careful in saying this because I don't know that it's always the case, but I feel like oftentimes, at least now, having been together for 10 years, I don't recognize compromise is like, compromise even. Like, it's just like, oh, we changed our mind. Like, you just, like, literally start to think like the same.

[Abigail]

Caleb and I got in a fight about that. Not a fight, but he was like, do you realize you've never. He's like, I always compromise, or I always been. I said, I don't think we're. I don't think that's a. I think I'm bending. I think we just agreed that this is the way to do it together. And he's like, no, that's me compromising. And I'm like, really? And I learned that I have a bad definition of compromise. He's like, I'm changing my mind to do what you want to do. And I was like, no, I just thought you decided this is what we were going to do today.

[Abby Howard]

Maybe we have been wearing the pants the whole time. I think Caleb is just.

[Abigail]

He's like, I don't know. He's like, you don't compromise to me very often. And I said, I think I do all the time. Which that's not fair thing to say. I do all the time. But he's like, yeah, I think we just have different definitions of it. I'm like, oh, I'm just agreeing with what you want to do is me compromising and vice versa. And then we're making the decision to get, like, in my head. That's Emily.

[Abby Howard]

I thought we arrived. That's the New plan together.

[Abigail]

Same, same.

[Abby Howard]

I thought I made a compelling case.

[Abigail]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

And you agreed wholeheartedly. 100.

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abigail]

So I think I need to just a different. We need to make clear definitions of compromise.

[Abby Howard]

That's tough because maybe we've just been actually making all decisions and we didn't even realize.

[Abigail]

I don't think so. But I. Yeah, when you said that, I was like, wait, what? We didn't fight, but I was like, we were laughing about it and arguing. So I was like, I don't think so. But lowering standards. I don't think Caleb and I've ever lowered our standards for each other.

[Abby Howard]

No, I don't think that you. Yeah, I don't actually think they're the same thing.

[Abigail]

I don't think so either.

[Addie]

I don't think standards and compromise are the. The same thing.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

No, cuz you're not. You're not compromising on like a big issue. Like, I'm like, I. I'm like, yeah, you don't need a job. Like, that's. I'm not. That's a standard that's not going to be lowered. You know what I mean?

[Abby Howard]

You like. And I also feel like standards are really set by morals and I feel like those don't shift or shouldn't.

[Abigail]

Yeah, you should be aligned on those. So it's kind of like.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, those are kind of the framework.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Those are your pillars.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

We're not moving the pillars.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie]

I have a just like a personal question for you guys. Do you. Speaking of like, compromise and holding, like, not holding grudges, but like keeping a score on certain things. There's a lot of like, scores I don't keep for like, arguments. Score is different there. Score and compromise on girls nights or him going out and watching the kid or do it. Like, do you guys keep track of that throughout a week? Did that make sense?

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Like, there's girls dinner tonight. We've got your birthday. Well, we're both going to the birthday party on Friday. I've got a baby shower on Saturday morning. I've got a girls hangout on Saturday night. I gotta balance that with Blake.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Addie]

Do you guys think about that at all?

[Abigail]

Yes. But then whenever Caleb has to do something, I'm like, you please go do it. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I feel excited for Matt when he gets to like, go out and do stuff with guys and we're always like, encouraging the other person to go do things with their friends. So I feel like it's never been a huge issue because it also does feel pretty even Actually, I'm just kidding. I go out more than.

[Abigail]

Yeah, I go out more than kill,

[Abby Howard]

but it evens out.

[Abigail]

I feel like there's just an understanding during the day that, like, our rules are different. So if I go out with my friends at night, it's, like, acceptable. I don't know. I'm like, I don't know.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know.

[Abigail]

I don't know. Yeah, I get what you're saying, though, because I think Caleb has made comments where he's like, you hang out with your friends all the time. Like, I don't really get to. And I understand where he's coming from. Not because he doesn't want to hang out with his friends, because he feels like he's gone all day and then comes home and wants to be with his family. Where then when he comes home, I'm like, oh, I get to go, like, have a break and go hang out with my friends. Then he's like, but I want to be with my family, you know? And sometimes that's a little different, I think, in that dynamic where, like, Blake's going out to work, too, and then coming home.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, it's different.

[Abigail]

So I. Sometimes we do think about it. Like, I'm not going to the dinner tonight because we're gonna have a family night.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

So, yeah, there's just. I try to, if there's a lot going on, either include chili.

[Abby Howard]

No.

[Abigail]

And my mom's in town, so it just feels. It feels like, well, that's me.

[Addie]

I'm compromising. I'm not getting my nails done this week because that would be an hour that Blake would get to watch Brielle. I really need to get.

[Abby Howard]

That is funny.

[Addie]

I'm gonna do it next week. But if I asked Blake, he'd be like, yeah, sure. But in my mind, I'm like, another night of you watching Brielle for an hour. I can't do it. I'm sorry.

[Abigail]

That's funny.

[Abby Howard]

No, I feel like Matt would be like, go, go, go.

[Addie]

Yeah, no, that would be blank. If I told him I was gonna go get my toes done, he'd be like, go, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Now there would be a show turned on. I will say that.

[Addie]

Wait, in your house? I was gonna say my house, too. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

At my house, there'd be a show turned on. And that's one of those things where I'm like, I'm just gonna keep my mouth shut.

[Addie]

Like, put on Sophia the first again this morning for his.

[Abby Howard]

I love puts on shows for Brielle. It's not like, she's.

[Addie]

I will say he did clean the house this morning while he has her sitting and watching Sophia the first. So I can't be.

[Abby Howard]

He's like, she's contained.

[Addie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Abigail]

I think I came to the conclusion a lot of times. I'm like, it's not that, like, Blake is not lazy person by any means. He just has a different way of doing things. And it's like, that's how Caleb is too. And I have to remind myself all the time. I'm like, he's not being a lazy parent. He just is doing things different.

[Addie]

He actually thinks it's exciting for her. Like, he. He knows it makes her happy. Happy.

[Abigail]

Yes.

[Addie]

And so that's why he wants to do it.

[Abigail]

Yes. He's like, thrill out of it. Like, he loves watching a show with him.

[Addie]

Last question, and then we'll switch over to Patreon. What is the best way for families to meet each other? Dinner seems too awkward at first. Like, when you're dating each other's family meeting each other's families, or your families meeting each other.

[Abigail]

Families meeting each other. It is a little awkward at first, but I think that first time is awkward. In the second time. It's so fun. He's gonna push through the awkward.

[Addie]

Like, the different. The husband's family and the wife's family meeting each other for the first time.

[Abigail]

I don't even remember how that happened.

[Abby Howard]

My mom and Matt's mom were already friends, so that we kind of got a little easy off there, I think,

[Abigail]

because, yeah, we were in high school and, like, doing things. I think they met at prom or something. Like, it was really short and casual the first time they met. I think doing something short and casual the first time you meet is great. Like, maybe it's an event or.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Because think about it. If you don't live the same state as your families, and then you have to really make an effort to like that. I can see that being really awkward.

[Addie]

So my fan. They. Blake's family met at, like, they both came to church. I think maybe I was getting baptized that day or Blake was getting baptized one of those days. So then they were both there, and then we went out to dinner. Lunch with both of the family.

[Abby Howard]

Go to a public place. Just so it's just a little bit, like, less stressful.

[Abigail]

Maybe you set up a short meeting, and then at nighttime you have a dinner. Like. Yes. I think before the dinner to break the ice at the dinner. Like, okay, if you're all getting in town, it's like, oh, let's all go get a coffee and then we can go, whatever. Yeah, like, let's go check out this. I don't have an idea for you, but in my head I'm thinking, like, place overall flow in. Oh, let's go grab. Let's go pick up lunch here. And then we can all go, like, go disperse. We can meet there and then we can talk about what we want to do for dinner. And then you actually have dinner together. But you go, you meet. You just got to break the ice at some point, you know? And then at night you go to dinner.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. And I don't even really remember how you guys even got your first time.

[Addie]

I feel like there's not gonna be a lot of times your families are both together. I mean, maybe an engagement party and then wedding activities. That's really like. I feel like most of the time. And then once you're married, it's a little.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, it can look a lot of different ways.

[Addie]

It can look a lot of different ways where everyone lives and all the things. I mean, I feel like my family and my husband's family are way closer than I, like, ever thought they would. And they wouldn't have been like, if we all never moved from. If we were all still back in Missouri and Illinois. They wouldn't be as close as they are now.

[Abigail]

Maybe you do like a FaceTime, like a big FaceTime. And it's like, hey, we wanted to do a FaceTime and set up a plan for dinner, whatever, this night. And then everyone gets on the FaceTime together and you like, introduce. And then I'm just trying to think of something where your first time that you're meeting is not when you're shaking hands and be like, I'm Paul and I'm Rhonda. You know what I mean? Like, it's wow, so good to like see you. It was fun meeting you on the call. Let's have dinner and talk. Do you know what I mean? Ask, ask, ask.

[Addie]

Abby back on.

[Abigail]

Hi, Abby.

[Abby Howard]

Abby and Addie. I am a mom of three beautiful kids. 11, 8 and 5. And my 8 year old has been very curious of the things I liked when I was a kid.

[Abigail]

So I was just wondering what your

[Abby Howard]

favorite toy was growing up. I love your guys podcast. Thanks.

[Abigail]

Bye.

[Addie]

That's sweet.

[Abigail]

It's a good question.

[Abby Howard]

Remember light brights?

[Addie]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

I don't think they make them anymore because those are certainly choking hazards.

[Addie]

Absolutely.

[Abigail]

Those are the little ones. I almost have like a peg.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, it's a cube. Yeah. I liked those Things I liked Perler beads. Remember those?

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And those beads.

[Abigail]

Yeah, those aren't really. My mom wasn't really a big craft mom, and so I had them and I wasn't really allowed to play with them.

[Abby Howard]

They just had to sit there.

[Abigail]

Yeah, kind of.

[Abby Howard]

I had them, but wasn't really.

[Abigail]

She didn't like this. I love Barbies. I had a dream house in my room. I would just go and play Barbies for hours. Loved them.

[Abby Howard]

I didn't have any.

[Abigail]

And Polly Pockets. I love Polypockets.

[Abby Howard]

I didn't have those either.

[Abigail]

My little pet shop loved them.

[Addie]

I'm thinking maybe my little pet shop. I really can't remember what I played with. I know there were pets.

[Abby Howard]

Loved Webkins.

[Addie]

I did love Web. We're going into digital games. Webkinz Club. Penguin. I did the Tinkerbell game.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, did you do Cooking Mama?

[Addie]

Yes. Yes.

[Abby Howard]

Cooking Mama and Diner Dash and Hotel Dash.

[Abigail]

Oh, I don't know those.

[Abby Howard]

That one is good, too. I love Disney Channel.

[Addie]

The pizzeria. There's like a pizzeria one, too, where you're making pizzas for people. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

A lot of video games, I guess.

[Addie]

Oh, I would play, like, cool math games. That site.

[Abby Howard]

Cool math games.

[Abigail]

Freerice.com. do you remember that one?

[Addie]

No.

[Abigail]

Oh, well, I gave rice to a lot of orphans, so I'm better than you.

[Abby Howard]

Free rice dot com.

[Abigail]

Yeah, it was. You would go and do math questions and then they would give grains of rice.

[Abby Howard]

Wow.

[Abigail]

I hope it was real interesting. I really thought of doing a service.

[Abby Howard]

You got scammed.

[Abigail]

I didn't pay anything.

[Abby Howard]

Grains of rice. That's so generous.

[Addie]

Okay, next question.

[Abigail]

Hi, Abby. What is your guys's biggest pet peeves?

[Abby Howard]

I feel like I've talked about mine before.

[Abigail]

Chewing.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, chewing.

[Abigail]

It's just infuriating.

[Abby Howard]

It's just infuriating now. My kids do it now. And actually it stopped being cute a little bit when they do it.

[Abigail]

Yeah, it doesn't bother. CJ's actually pretty good about chewing with his mouth closed. Last night, Gil was eating some chips and it was like he put the initial chip in and he did good. And then it was like the second or third chew.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

I was like this. I go, knock it off.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, Matt.

[Abigail]

So nasty.

[Addie]

It literally never bothered me ever. I've never thought about it.

[Abigail]

I failed a test in school because of it.

[Abby Howard]

Other than chewing gum, that is really spooky. I would say another pet peeve of mine is when someone jumps me in line. I don't know why that.

[Abigail]

That really gets me it's inconsiderate.

[Abby Howard]

I'm not gonna say anything ever. But in my head I'm just like, that wasn't fair.

[Addie]

Oh.

[Abigail]

I usually say, what scenario? Oh, sorry, there's a line.

[Abby Howard]

It just happened at a play, gym, snack area. I'm waiting with my kids and I have a child that I'm not getting a snack for myself. I mean, I surely look like I would like a snack right now, but I was getting it for him and this adult just comes in. Right.

[Abigail]

And is that when they bought all the pretzels?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that's why I was really worried. Someone came in front and then. Yeah, we still got one.

[Abigail]

Okay, good. Yeah, I usually am like, oh, we've been waiting. I don't feel bad saying that. Yeah, no, because I don't think it's usually intentional.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Abigail]

I think they just didn't.

[Abby Howard]

This one was really weird.

[Abigail]

That one felt intentional.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. We were with other people and they

[Abigail]

go, oh, okay, beat it later.

[Abby Howard]

But then I was like, since we all got cut, like, am I gonna be the spokesperson? I'm not gonna be the spokesperson.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Like, if it's just me, maybe I'll speak up. I'm not gonna speak up for other people. Well, wait a minute.

[Abigail]

I usually do.

[Abby Howard]

I'm not gonna speak. I was the end of the line.

[Abigail]

Gotcha.

[Abby Howard]

They were more cut than me.

[Abigail]

Oh, yeah. No, no. It's only if I'm first.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

If there's people behind me. If I'm behind. It happened in front of me. I'm not gonna make a scene.

[Abby Howard]

There was two people in front of me and then it's not cut too. So then I was like, that's not your place. But I was. I was bugged.

[Abigail]

Yeah. It would be bugging.

[Abby Howard]

It was bugging.

[Abigail]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Addie]

All right, last.

[Abby Howard]

Probably an accident.

[Addie]

Oh, wait, did you say yours?

[Abigail]

Chewing, chewing.

[Addie]

Just chewing all around.

[Abby Howard]

Hello, Abby, Abigail and Addie. I just wanted to say I literally love your show so much, I feel like I'm just hanging out with mom friends. It's actually the best.

[Addie]

Okay.

[Abigail]

Anyways, my question is, do you have

[Abby Howard]

any tips for navigating being sick with a sick kid? Because my six month old baby is

[Addie]

experiencing her first ever cold and I'm

[Abby Howard]

experiencing it right along with her. So how do I care for myself and for her?

[Addie]

Is it possible? Please help me. Please.

[Abby Howard]

You have entered the hardest thing.

[Abigail]

That's the hardest thing.

[Abby Howard]

That is the hardest thing.

[Abigail]

That is the hardest thing.

[Addie]

At that age of six months. It's not like you can just throw on a show that they'll just sit and watch for.

[Abigail]

And it's so scary when it's the first time with your first kid because. Yeah, you just don't know. You're like watching like a hawk. Your anxiety is high, you know? So what was the actual question? I felt like it was a little muffled.

[Addie]

What do you do when you have a sick kid and you're sick? Like, just. Any tips for tips? Yeah.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Phone friend.

[Abigail]

Someone have someone take care of dinner for you. Like maybe your husband. Go out and bring dinner. You know, don't cook.

[Abby Howard]

Make your life as easy.

[Abigail]

As easy as possible.

[Abby Howard]

Don't feel guilty about it.

[Abigail]

No. Watch tv, rest, relax.

[Abby Howard]

It's just one of those things.

[Abigail]

And just tell your husband you need him to step up if. Yeah, you need to come home early from work. Please come home early for work.

[Abby Howard]

You know, heaven forbid your husband get sick on top of all this.

[Abigail]

That would be crazy.

[Abby Howard]

That is the. That is.

[Abigail]

That's my pet peeve.

[Abby Howard]

That will be the mountaintop.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm sorry. That's really hard, I think. Yeah. Just rest. Do what you can. Offload what you can.

[Abby Howard]

Let people take care of you.

[Abigail]

Let people take care of you.

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

And. And when. When you start to get on for the hump. Get out of the house. Get out of the house. Because you won't lose it. You have to lose. You have to get out of the house. Even if you go to Target for, like, just walk around and then leave and go home. Just get out of the house.

[Abby Howard]

That's a good advice.

[Addie]

Yeah, Agreed. Okay. That's it. Always hungry. Yum.

[Abigail]

Okay. Always hungry. My recipe. Oh, wait. Should we say the phone number for the recipes or for the voicemail? Yeah, I love calling.

[Abby Howard]

We would love to hear from you guys.

[Abigail]

We love.

[Abby Howard]

We've always said voicemails are, like, probably our favorite part of this. And if you want to call in, we'd love to hear from you. The number is 602-456-9690.

[Abigail]

Yeah. Thank you, guys. Last part of the show is Always Hungry, where we share a recipe that we. We've made in the past we've enjoyed or recently tried. This has been a tried and true recipe that I've made over and over and over and over again. And it does have to do with ice cream, which, if you're on the

[Abby Howard]

Patreon, I shared a lot of ice cream recipes recently.

[Abigail]

Yeah, we just talked a lot about ice cream on Patreon, but this is with vanilla ice cream. Okay. And it's actually a blueberry crumble, and it's super simple. It's just blueberries on the bottom of your pan, and you mix up oats, brown sugar, maple syrup, a little salt. It's the most simple ingredients you probably already have in your pantry. And you put it on top and you bake it, and the blueberries burst. The crumble gets nice and crunchy and crusty, and then you just spoon it over vanilla ice cream.

[Addie]

It's

[Abigail]

like, I might make it tonight. Now I'm talking about it. It sounds so good.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Abigail]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[Abby Howard]

Mine's also a berry recipe. Really?

[Addie]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I was just gonna link my berry cobbler syrup because people were asking, because I made a berry cobbler latte.

[Abigail]

That's good.

[Abby Howard]

And Matt really loves a syrup too. We go through it pretty quick. It's literally so simple, and it's a lot. There's some suspicious ingredients in coffee syrups. I still buy them, but this one has really good ingredients. And this link also has, like, instructions on how to make a latte. I feel like you could just make the syrup, and you can probably adjust the milk and espresso ratio to how you like it, but the syrup is really easy and really, really yummy.

[Abigail]

It was so good. I got out yesterday to try to use it. Is it still good?

[Abby Howard]

So. No. That's the batch that Matt made. He. He did mess up just a little bit.

[Abigail]

How long does it take?

[Abby Howard]

It lasts for two weeks. That was a fresh batch that was made this past weekend.

[Abigail]

Oh, okay, fine. I didn't use it because I didn't know how long it'd been in there for.

[Abby Howard]

But, yeah, it was fresh, though.

[Abigail]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

He did shove the fruit through the strainer. I would say, don't do that. Oh, it's going to be less like a syrup and more cd.

[Abigail]

Oh, okay.

[Abby Howard]

Makes sense. He just really wanted to get the most out of it.

[Abigail]

I know. I love that. He's like, let me maximize this berry.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. He's like, let me maximize literally every single thing.

[Abigail]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I was like, you know what? This is a little chunky.

[Abigail]

Well, it sounds. It was delicious. That ninja coffee good.

[Abby Howard]

Yummy, yummy.

[Abigail]

Well, thank you guys so much for listening and following along on the show. If you guys would like to leave us a review, we'd really appreciate it on any of your podcast listening platforms. We have a review here from Marla C04. She said 5 stars. Love this podcast. I look forward to hearing you guys every Friday. And girls are just so positive and uplifting. I feel like I'm hearing my friends having a conversation. That's awesome. That's our goal.

[Abby Howard]

So nice you said that. Because I'm a little bit worried that some things would be cut out of this episode because we literally just forgot that we were recording for about 30 minutes on a lot of those things.

[Abigail]

No. With no context. But I think it was good. So thank you guys for your review. Our August book club is Yellow Face by RF Kuang. And that's all I got.

[Abby Howard]

So that's everything. Thank you so much for being here. And remember, we're always here,

[Addie]

Sam.