Mom gossip, cottage cheese, other trends we're not falling for - with the Abbys

Summary

Always Here Podcast (January 23, 2026)

Episode: Mom gossip, cottage cheese, other trends we're not falling for – with the Abbys

Hosts: Abby Howard & Abby Howard
Podcast by: Daylight Media

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Overview

This episode of "Always Here" with sister-in-laws Abby Howard and Abby Howard explores the joys and pitfalls of friendship groups, the recent drama among celebrity moms, and popular trends they refuse to embrace—from red light face masks to the great cottage cheese debate. The conversation is sprinkled with the hosts’ signature humor, honest life updates, and a deep sense of vulnerability about relationships, parenting, and community.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Life Updates & ‘Hope and Heart’ (02:00 - 08:30)

• Abby’s Disastrous Day: Abby shares a hectic day juggling kids, Bible study, gym plans, errands, and being locked out—twice.
  • "This day was just incredibly irresponsible. And I just. This is like so type B. If you were type A. I'm sorry for the sweats that this might cause you." (01:25)
• Hope and Heart Routine: The Abbys share one positive ("Hope") and one challenging ("Heart") moment of the week.
  • Abby finds joy hosting a shower, decorating, and seeing her baby sleep through the night for the first time.
  • Both note a slump in cooking at home, losing momentum on regular routines after constant events and holidays.

2. Mom Group and Celebrity Gossip Drama (09:00 - 25:00)

• Ashley Tisdale’s Viral Article: The hosts break down Ashley Tisdale’s essay about leaving her “toxic mom group”—believed to include Hilary Duff, Mandy Moore, Meghan Trainor, and others.
  • "They were making plans without her. Then she text…the mom group and being, this is too high school for me. I'm done participating." (10:32)
• Fallout & Social Media Clashes: Hilary Duff’s husband responds with a mocking Instagram story, followed by Tisdale’s husband posting about “pausing to decide if it’s worth your energy.” The hosts reflect on how drama plays out differently in adulthood, especially online.
  • "When you're one of the most self-obsessed, tone-deaf person on earth, other moms tend to shift focus to their actual toddlers." – Quoting Hilary Duff’s husband's post mocking Ashley Tisdale (11:54)
• Realness of ‘Grownup’ Behavior: They reflect on how adulthood doesn’t eliminate drama or insecurities.
  • "There's actually no real grownups in the world." (14:37)
  • "Not everything needs to be a big conversation or needs to be stated." (15:35)

3. Navigating Mom Groups & Gossip (16:30 - 20:55)

• Complexities of Mom Friendships: The Abbys note challenges of group dynamics—side chats, parenting differences, judging or being judged, and the ever-present risk of gossip.
  • "The biggest trap that women...can fall into is the trap of, like, gossip. And that is something that it's like I constantly...know as soon as I walk away from things, I'm like, that maybe went a little too far..." (18:04)
• Value of Diverse Opinions: The hosts emphasize the importance of holding space for differing beliefs and not letting differences ruin friendships.
  • "We need to be able to hold both...they are a good friend and we view things differently. We actually need to view that as a good thing..." (22:07)
• Letting Go and Growing Up: Encouragement to move away from drama by quiet withdrawal rather than confrontation; realizing not every interpersonal misalignment is personal or dramatic.

4. Friend Group Archetypes (26:10 - 29:54)

• Viral Friend Group ‘Diagram’: Discussion of the “four friend types” video by Pete Ballmer, mapping friends on a grid by how much they plan things or flake.
  • Captains: Plan a lot but flake often.
  • Fruit Flies: Don’t plan, are flaky, just pop in and out.
  • Golden Retrievers: Don’t plan, never flake (Abby H’s confessed type).
  • Bees: Plan a lot, show up, sometimes hard-nosed but organize everything (Other Abby’s type).
  • "You will always be there. It doesn't matter how late...I'll be late, but I'll be there." (28:10)
• Self-Reflection: The hosts laugh over which type their husbands are, the perils of lateness and overthinking, and what excuses are (or aren’t) acceptable for flaking.

5. Trends They’re Not Falling For (37:14 - 63:00)

Each trend is introduced with warmth, and they invite listeners not to take offense.

• Red Light Therapy Masks (39:44)
  • "You are telling me that some rando company put Christmas lights in a face mask and that's going to reverse your wrinkles? I do not think so. Your cells aren't doing nothing in there. That is a scam. You've been scammed." (39:44)
• Labubus Charms on Designer Bags (41:38)
  • Surprise at grown women hanging toy charms from high-end purses.
• Pimple Patches as Fashion (45:35)
  • "I didn't think a thing about your pimple until you put that patch on it. And now I’m like, that's nasty." (46:02)
• Cottage Cheese in Everything (46:28)
  • "Quit putting your cottage cheese in everything…Stop blending it. It's not a good texture. I tried it. It's a lie." (46:33)
• Pay It Forward Chains (48:13)
  • “You can’t be the one that ends the pay it forward train because you are then a bad person. And you know what? The people behind us ordered mediums.” (49:03)
• AI and ChatGPT (50:02)
  • "AI is for men." (50:13)
  • "It gases you up so much… It's like, what a wonderful idea. Caleb, shut up." (51:15)
  • They laugh about husbands talking to AI and reveal a preference for stories and nuance over quick summaries.
• Fake Freckles (54:00)
  • "I've always been jealous of freckles. You have the cutest freckles…I’m not painting them on my face." (54:13)
• Man-Hating as a Trend (54:50)
  • "Discriminating against an entire gender because you had a bad experience with one is still discrimination. Even if it's men." (55:03)
  • They emphasize the damage done by broad negative statements and advocate for positivity towards both genders.
• Pilates as the Ultimate Workout (58:31)
  • Abby confesses boredom with Pilates despite its trendiness; they agree it's not a must-try for everyone.
• Laminated/Electric Brows (60:27)
  • They draw the line at “electrocution eyebrows” and reflect on shifting trends in brow styles:
  • "The whole point of makeup is to accentuate the natural beauty of your face and your features. And so when they go straight up, shellacked straight up, it's not looking like an eyebrow anymore to me." (61:20)

6. Listener Questions (63:19 – 69:21)

(Advice Segment: "Ask Abby")

• Hosting Tips: Don’t worry about being perfect; it’s about the company, not the condition of your house or an Instagram-ready event.
  • “My advice is, like, don't worry about perfection. Like, my house will be messy. Straight up messy. And we're still having people over.” (63:37)
• Navigating Disconnect with a Spouse: They recommend voicing feelings, scheduling intentional quality time, and going “above and beyond” for a few weeks to reset connection.
• How to Unwind: Abby loves ice cream with chocolate shell; other Abby unwinds with a book, tea, and library music in her “special” spot, away from screens; both caution against doom-scrolling.

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Memorable Quotes

• "There's actually no real grownups in the world." – Abby (14:37)
• "Not everything needs to be a big conversation or needs to be stated… Just remove yourself." – Abby (15:35)
• "The biggest trap that women...can fall into is the trap of, like, gossip." – Abby (18:04)
• "You are telling me that some rando company put Christmas lights in a face mask and that's going to reverse your wrinkles? I do not think so. Your cells aren't doing nothing in there. That is a scam. You've been scammed." – Abby (39:44)
• "AI is for men." – Abby (50:13)
• “Discriminating against an entire gender because you had a bad experience with one is still discrimination. Even if it's men.” – Abby (55:03)
• "Both things can be true. Women are awesome and men are awesome." – Abby (57:17)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Life Updates/Hope & Heart: 01:20 – 08:30
• Celebrity Mom Group Drama: 09:00 – 16:30
• Navigating Adult Friendships & Mom Groups: 16:30 – 20:55
• Friend Group Types: 26:10 – 29:54
• Trends We're Not Falling For: 37:14 – 63:00
• Listener Q&A ("Ask Abby"): 63:19 – 69:21

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Tone and Takeaways

The tone throughout is warm, self-deprecating, and inviting—models of vulnerability and playful banter. The Abbys manage to skewer popular trends and gossip culture with humor and candor, all while underscoring the lessons of grace, non-judgment, and facing the "hope and the hard" with both heart and humility.

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For more, listen to Always Here wherever you get your podcasts, and call in with your own questions—the Abbys are always here.

Transcript

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[Abby Howard]

I haven't used it actually a lot of times because I'm so avidly against it. When Matt gets on it, I'm like, take it in another room. Cottage cheese. I'm not falling for it.

Don't fall for it.

Quit putting your cottage cheese in everything.

Red light therapy. Reverse your wrinkles? I do not think so. You've been scammed.

[Addy]

She wrote the article breaking up with my toxic friend group. This is too high school for me. I'm done participating.

[Abby Howard]

There's actually no real grownups in the world.

I know. We're all winging it.

The biggest trap women can fall into is the trap of, like, gossip. Always Here to share the hope and.

The hard with heart and humor. Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host, Abby Howard and Abby Howard. And we're here to share the hope.

The hope in the hard with heart and humor.

I. I have to tell you about my day.

What happened? I mean, I saw you a lot this week.

This day was just incredibly irresponsible. And I just. This is like so type B. If you were type A. I'm sorry for the sweats that this might cause you. Okay.

I'm unfazed.

I know I have to be at Bible study at 9:30. I'm trying to figure out what to do with my children because I am still being very paranoid about bringing CJ to childcare to get sick during six season with Vivian. Maybe too paranoid, some may say, but either way, we're still there. So I set my alarm for seven. I oversleep it by an hour.

Okay.

Okay.

So the alarm's just going off.

I'm sorry, an hour and 15 minutes. It's 8:15 when I wake up. I have to leave the house at 9. So I'm looking, I'm like, wait, is.

CJ just still in bed?

Yes. But you know what? I do briefly remember him screaming, mama. The lights green.

Oh, and he just.

He just got books and started reading.

Wow.

Yeah.

But he's kind of.

He's in this season of being scared. He doesn't want to leave his room, so he'll just sit in bed. So it's not. I'm like, okay, I have 45 minutes to. To get me CJ. Vivian, ready nurse the baby feed.

That alone takes 45 minutes.

Breakfast. No, literally, she nurses for 40 minutes. So then I was like, okay, go start running around. I'm rushing out the door. I am 15 minutes late to dropping the kids off to my parents, which means I'm then 15. No, I'm 10 minutes late to Bible study.

Good thing you're walking at the exact same time. Yes.

I was like, I feel validated. Honestly, I'm okay. Abby and I walk in at the same time. So then I get there. I think study is only going to be an hour long. It's almost. I mean, it was like an hour and a half. Yeah. Which was great. I loved it. I was not sitting there antsy. But then I got out and I was like, oh, my gosh. I have a lot to get done in the next few minutes before I have to go record. So I'm driving home, I call my mom. I'm like, okay, I'm going to go home. I'm going to run because I want to work out. And then I have to edit a video and then I'm going to pump and then I'm going to run the milk by you because you have both the children. And. And I'll do all that in an hour and a half. So then, so those are my goals. I get in the car, I call my mom, I'm driving. I realize I'm locked out of the house because my parents and I switched cars, so they had the car seats. I have no way to get into the home. So then I call my mom and I'm like, hey, I'm actually headed towards you to get the keys. So I drive 20 minutes now. 20 minutes and then 10 minutes home. So now it's 30 minutes instead of 15 minute commute. Not. Not as much time. I get there, I get the keys, I go home. I had to go to the bathroom because I've been holding all day. I go to the bathroom, say, I'm gonna go for a run. I go to leave my house to go on a run. And I think the one time I'm like, I'm not gonna bring my keys, that I'm gonna leave the house unlocked. I never go. I never not lock my house up. I never. And the one time, like, I'm not gonna bring my keys, I shut the door immediately, I turn around and Go. I locked the keys inside the house. I'm again locked out of my house. So then I call my parents, I go, hey mom, I've locked out again. So my dad has to drive over. I'm like, well, I'm just gonna run until you get here. I run a mile, 1.62 miles. I'm heaving, I'm dying. And I got such a stress like pent up energy. I'm running so fast, 9, 9 minutes and 22 second pace. So fast. And I'm, I'm dead. My dad comes, he looks just like disappointed in me. He's like, you're right. Like what's going on with you today? So I do have time.

Your dad, by the way, I worked out with him on Monday.

He's so fun. He's always down for the ride. But anyway, I didn't have time to do anything except shower, put makeup on. I pumped in the car and I ate my salad all while driving, crushing it. I come up, I walk in, I have one pump on one side and a big old salad bowl in one hand. I'm like, I'm ready to record the podcast.

Here we go.

[Addy]

The best part is she walks. She's got the pump cord hanging down, pretzels running up to greet her. She goes, pretzel's gonna get my corn.

[Abby Howard]

She's trying to eat the tubes. She's trying to get the tubing. She will, she'll get it.

Ambitious. So irresponsible. And hey, I was on time today.

You crushed it.

[Addy]

You were, you were here early, before 2 o'.

[Abby Howard]

Clock. I was. That was good.

That was just.

I just had to tell you that.

Oh my gosh, I'm sorry. Absurding.

I just thought it's funny cuz I was telling you all the plans I had in between and you were like, that's a lot. We're going to interrupt our episode real quick. Just ask that you guys take five seconds to hit that like button, subscribe button, follow button, share button, any button you see. If you wanted to hit it, we, we'd be very, very grateful. Thank you guys for watching the podcast. Now back to the episode. Okay, do you want to start us off with hope, hopes and hearts?

Yeah. Mine are light. I decided, I was like, maybe I'll go a little lighter this week.

It's good.

My hope was I had so much fun at the shower this weekend. That was really fun to do. I feel like a lot of times for parties I focus on making the food and I have no decorations. So this time I Was like, I'm gonna order food and decorate. And I honestly kind of like that. Switch up.

It was so cute.

It was fun. Thanks for helping.

Oh, my gosh. It was so. I walked in and I was blown away. Thank you.

I got everything from Amazon.

It was really fun, really cute.

That was my hope.

And the party was so fun.

Thanks.

Yeah, it was a good shower. I have a couple hopes. Our fireplace is looking awesome.

I'm excited.

Caleb's crushing. I talked about that last week. And Vivian slept the night. The first time ever. It didn't happen again. But it was glorious.

That's all you need.

Yeah. I woke up just. Just so spiteful.

Rejuvenated.

Yeah. So that was really great.

That's fun. My heart is just. My diet has been terrible. I literally am like, I need to cook. I just been eating out so much and so maybe tonight will be the first night that I make dinner again. I genuinely don't think I've cooked a meal in this entire, like, I cooked a dinner this entire calendar year.

It is. Whoa. That's really weird for you.

I made waffles for dinner one night. It's just. It's going. It's going out the door. I need to get back on the cycle.

Yeah. Once you fall off the wagon of cooking, it's so hard to get back on.

Wagon is like, I didn't go to.

[Addy]

The grocery store all of December.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

It's a shock.

[Addy]

It was bad.

[Abby Howard]

You're just like feeding for scraps at this point.

You're like, I'm literally like a road.

[Addy]

It's like Taco Bell again.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. My gosh. I was thinking about this. You've thrown so many parties. You throw like one to two parties a month. Yeah, I was just thinking about that today. I'm like, we have so many fun things going on. I'm like, wow, Abby's literally throwing a million parties.

Thank you.

Three baby showers, a favorite things party, Christmas, Thanksgiving hosting.

Yeah. I think that was like our goal, like, in buying this house. We're like, we want to have people over all the time. And we have. We have done that.

Yeah.

So.

Oh, my gosh. You're very generous with your home.

Thank you. So hopefully I can go to the grocery store and like, maybe get some eggs, something, something. Get some chicken. Let's just get back on, cuz I feel like, like you said, once you get off the wagon, it's really hard.

To get back on. I actually don't have a hard for this week.

Okay.

Sorry. I thought I did, but I just feel like we're. Yeah. It's been a great, smooth week. I shared my heart today. Just being frazzled.

Frazzled.

Frazzled pants lady over here.

Yeah.

Yeah. Just crazy.

That's frustrating.

We have a fun. Wow, that's crazy.

I'm so curious. Wow, that's crazy. Wow, that's crazy. That's crazy.

Have you heard about the celebrity mom group drama?

No. Hey, celebrity celebrity.

[Addy]

Not mom talk. Celebrity mom group.

[Abby Howard]

These are celebrities that we know and love. Ashley Tisdale, Haley Duff. I'm sorry, Hillary Duff.

Oh, really?

Andy Moore, Megan Tr.

[Addy]

Potentially, yes.

[Abby Howard]

That's why it's. That's why it's become such hot topic. So Ashley Tisdell wrote an article for the Cut, talking about how she let go of her toxic mom friends, and she didn't name names in this article at all. But people are speculating because she was very public about the friend group that she was hanging out with, and it included all those people that we just listed. Wow. They were very public on social media. They did a lot of things together. Play dates, all kinds of stuff. So it's pretty. It's gotten a little nasty.

What?

Yeah. Addie, do you have more details?

[Addy]

Yeah. So she wrote that article called Breaking up with my Toxic mom Group, and I think it's quite ironic because one of the very first things it says is sometimes I'll say something offhandedly only for it to turn into a headline or start a conversation. On TikTok is the second sentence in this article.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, and that's exactly what happened.

[Addy]

People took it and ran with it. So she published that. That article.

[Abby Howard]

And, like, what was the tone of the article?

It was more like trying to liberate women from being in bad friend groups.

[Addy]

Yeah. So it says she wrote the article. It's called Breaking up with my Toxic Friend Group.

[Abby Howard]

And.

[Addy]

And she wrote that she found this friend group during the pandemic. She felt like she had found her people. Like, she was really, really happy with it. And then things kind of started to change. She started to notice there were side chats or side conversations. People were planning things without her getting invited to it. They were at a kid's birthday one time, and they were planning their next thing and not having Ashley in that conversation. And so they were making plans without her. Then she text. She ended up texting the mom group and being, this is too high school for me. I'm done participating. So she was very upfront, kind of breaking up with the group. Then she wrote this article, and she mentioned one of them was Worse than the others in this mom group. People are speculating that's Hilary Duff. But they did.

[Abby Howard]

I know, but wait till you hear what her husband.

[Addy]

Yes. So then she wrote this article. It came out in the cut. Then Hillary. No one. She didn't mention who they were or at all. People were speculating. Then Hilary Duff's husband went on to Instagram and made an Instagram story kind of mocking her post. So for to explain, I'm just gonna show. And we can show it on screen too. This is the picture that is in her article.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, he.

[Addy]

I don't think I have the picture of him actually. He just did the same pose on a couch.

[Abby Howard]

And he headlined it and he headlined.

[Addy]

It and the headline of it said when you're one of the cell. One of the most self obsessed tone deaf person on earth, other moms tend to shift focus to their actual toddlers.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, isn't that crazy? I know. I literally like my stomach dropped. Then that blew up.

[Addy]

Then Ashley's husband got involved, naturally posted on his Instagram, which honestly he should.

[Abby Howard]

If.

Yeah, I mean I would.

If someone came at me like that. Someone's husband and killed their hus. And then I'd be like, you better get involved.

Better get step in the ring.

[Addy]

So he just reposted a quote from someone else. Like it's some. It was a different post and it said underrated life skill colon. Pausing to participate. Pausing to decide if it's worth your energy.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Addy]

And so that is where. Where everything's at now with.

[Abby Howard]

So who's in this supposed friend group?

The only ones I knew were that ones we mentioned. Hilary Duff, Megan Moore or Mandy Moore.

[Addy]

Meghan Trainor and some other people who aren't.

[Abby Howard]

They're influencers.

[Addy]

They're like maybe in that world, but.

[Abby Howard]

Makeup artists, stylist, celebrity. Oh, the. The chef. What's her name? You could look it up. She's a big like, right. No, a big Cooking creators.

Well, that's interesting because I feel like a lot of those people are like very respected women.

Yes. That's disappointing.

[Addy]

Dawkin. Is that her name?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Cooking with Gabby, I think is her account. Oh, yeah. So I feel like.

[Addy]

So now people are writing articles. Meet the moms of Ashley Tisdale's.

[Abby Howard]

Nothing. Yeah, it's all speculation.

Yeah.

And like Ashley's never confirmed anything or any of that. I do think it poses an interesting conversation for us of like mom and friend group drama.

Yes.

And I don't know how you guys feel. I don't feel like I personally get offended when there are side chats or things that I'm not invited to.

That's something that I struggled with for a while because my biggest fear is that people don't feel included. That's something that just, like, that bugs me so much. But that's just a fact of life. Like, there's things where it's like, okay, this can be a big group, and this can be a small group, or this isn't personal, but because of your schedule, this is getting. And so that's something I have had to learn to let go, but it was hard to, like, let go of. And I do fear that sometimes that does step on people's toes, but that naturally happens.

Yeah.

Can I just say one thing before we enter this is that I have learned as I am now 27, every year, I'm like, okay, people are gonna. We're gonna feel grown up, and everyone's gonna be grown up. And then I just realized there's actually no real grownups in the world.

I know. We're all winging it.

Everyone is. And the thing is, is that no one really, necessarily. There's not an age where you mature out of these things, and so sometimes you can find yourself maybe in your 40s and doing the same things that you did in high school. So that is something that I'm like, oh, that was a shocker for me. I was like, maybe once we get out of high school, then this will be over. Maybe once we get out of college, maybe once we all, like, are in our careers and have kids, then we'll get out. Nope. Still never. And I've kind of just reached that point where I'm like, no one's really grown up.

Totally.

That's a little sad and scary.

Yeah.

I mean, but also letting go of that does kind of like, it's a freedom to make adult decisions, then.

Yeah. So you can give people grace. You're like, they're just doing the same old same.

They're just doing this life for the first time.

I feel that, like, when I. When I. When Ashley Tizzle sent a message, like a breakup text to me, I'm like, I just feel like if I didn't, like a group of friends, I would just kind of phase it out.

[Addy]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Like. Like, yeah.

Not everything needs to be a big conversation or needs to be stated. And if you don't like people, I'm like, why do we have to create drama and then call people out on. You're like, you just remove yourself, especially.

When you are such a Public person.

Yes.

The implications are too severe to be doing that type of thing.

Yes.

Yeah.

But I just feel like when I was younger, I always was like, I have to let them know why I'm leaving or why I don't want to be friends or what the. How I feel about this thing. And I feel like part of just me growing up was like, I actually. It doesn't matter if they know or not. I'm just going to remove myself.

Well, also, because a lot of it is personal, too. Like, why you're like, I think. It's not. Like, you don't need to say, like, you guys are the problem. So I'm leaving. I think a lot of could just be like, hey, like, what you're looking for or what I'm looking for in a friendship is different than what maybe you're looking for. That's also something I've learned a lot. Like, it's not necessarily. Not everything's personal. Like, it's just not a good fit. Like, you can leave somewhere and just be like, yeah, they're awesome. I'm awesome. We're not the same.

We're not awesome together.

Not awesome together.

That's fine.

And, like, it's not personal. There doesn't have to be any. Like, we don't have to label someone as bad for us to give ourselves permission to leave someone.

Something totally.

That makes sense.

Totally.

Yeah. I think the conversation of mom groups is very interesting because I have felt good fits, and I have felt, like, wrong fits. And I think you honestly know kind of quickly. Right. Yeah. I think the hardest. What would you say the hardest part of mom groups is?

I don't want to say, like, you don't want. Like, it's hard. You get to be like, I don't want to judge other people's parenting.

Yeah.

With their kids. Because you're with the mom and the kids who see a lot of it up front. It's like, I actually see firsthand how you discipline, how you speak to your kid, how you get involved in situations, and then I see your kid's behavior. And so I never want to judge because I'm also like, I don't know what I'm doing either. We're all winging it. So I feel like that's a hard part, is, like, making sure that I'm not. I'm not critical and just have, like, a. That's how they're doing it, and that's good. We'll see how our kids will be in the end.

We'll see how Our kids will be.

18 years from now.

A great character study. What did you say, Addy?

[Addy]

For me especially, because I feel like our group is like, the group that we have together is very large. Is like, you don't have to be best friends with everyone in the group and you can be like, I. I feel like with our conjoined group of like mom friends, a lot of them I'm friends with. I'm not super deep with a lot of them. I have another group of friends that I'm more deep with and not feeling like I have to do that with every person. And so I think it's just been sweet at least for me to join this season and just seeing everyone love on my baby. I've got the good sides of it so far.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I think the most important thing when like starting to find like your group of people that you're going to raise your kids with is because also you're kind of hand selecting your kids friends, at least for the early part of their life, is to cultivate a healthy environment from the beginning. And I think the biggest trap that women, like, I will hold my, like, I'm included in this can fall into is the trap of like, gossip. And that is something that it's like I constantly like. And I feel like I know as soon as I walk away from things, I'm like, that maybe went a little too far and like just always being aware of that because that is poison to large friend groups.

Totally.

Specifically, like, and so whether it's not even like, oh, her husband or her kids or there's just so many factors when it's a mom group thing because most people are married and most people have multiple children and it's like there's just so many topics that you could touch on that's just like it's, it's. It's never, ever worth it. It's never going to do it. There's nothing good that will come of that. And so it is a fine line to, to navigate, but just always keeping that at the back of my mind, like, is always something I try to remember because when there's so many people that could, that is where the whole cards could crumble down, you know?

Yes, I would 100% agree. I feel like I reflect back on some of my past friend groups. I'm like, why didn't it feel like there was a lot of drama ever? I think it's because we really try not to gossip about each other and I think it makes a huge difference. And I think our Friends are pretty good. Like, oh, if it starts to get in there, we're good at all, like, pivoting the conversation and changing it up.

[Addy]

No, I totally agree. I think. And that's something, like, I admire about both of you, and I think I've learned from you guys, because I. I love the gossip. I love the celebrity gossip a lot. A lot. It's less personal, but it sometimes can relay into other areas. And so I feel like I've grown from both of you, you knowing that. Oh, I. I'm not gonna gossip because, one, I know you guys don't want it. And also, it's teaching me that that's not nice either, you know? So I feel like I've learned a lot from you guys in that transitioning. That conversation is, what about the husbands?

[Abby Howard]

I think that's so crazy that he.

Posted that and that Hillary was like.

Go for it, babe. If she did. I mean, that's. That's bold. Which maybe he was like, I needed. If everyone in the Internet was coming for his wife. Maybe he's like, I just need to call a spade a spade.

[Addy]

The sub head is a mom group tell all through a father's eyes.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, my goodness. I don't. I don't want to talk about them specifically, like, my opinions on those. Those people, because I almost did, but I almost gossiped. No, but that is a crazy thing. Like, if Caleb did that, I think I'd be embarrassed.

Yeah.

Just getting involved in, like, my drama.

You know, Maybe the best thing you could do is support your wife privately, like, first and foremost.

Yeah.

And I mean, it all depends, I guess, on what she wanted, though.

[Addy]

You know what I mean?

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Addy]

It also wasn't. He is the one who posted that. And then it was like, oh, he's confirming this is the group. He was the first one to confirm that that was the group.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addy]

The other side of this that I think comes into mom groups a lot is the side of differing opinions, differing beliefs. I think these two have differing political views, and people are speculating that that came into the factor too. So how do you deal with mom groups and having those different beliefs within a group?

[Abby Howard]

That's a good question. Our group is very diverse.

Very diverse. I think this is just something that I think is relatively new. But everyone is latched onto the fact that if you don't agree with someone, then you can't be friends, you can't talk. You also. They're a bad person, Right?

Yeah. If you believe that, that's your character and you're Bad to the core.

You gotta cut them out.

Yeah.

That is so not how the world works. Honestly, we could all take a note from Zootopia too. Maybe what makes you you and what makes me me makes we better.

I love that. I love Zootopia.

I might have misquoted that, but that's what I gathered from Zootopia 2. We need to be able to hold both like they are. I enjoy being with them and they're a good friend and we view things differently. We actually need to view that as a good thing because that is actually how we refine ourselves as people and also are able to be more open minded.

And I think this is imbalance. Like I need to be balanced out and called out and even just like stretch my, my thinking. Like I need to have people on all sides of everything to talk about things with. And even if I still disagree, when I hear your point viewpoint, I'm like, okay, well, cool.

Yeah, I have a lot of respect when you can, like, we're like, if I can say my piece and you can say your piece and we're just like, sweet, let's go get coffee. Yeah, like, that's totally fine. And this is, this is the, this is honestly really dangerous trend that we're heading down. And yeah, I have a husband that like loves to lean into controversy and difference. And so I have learned to appreciate too like the fact that it's like, okay, like the first time we meet, maybe it's not the first time you meet, but this often happens with us. Like we're getting dinner with a couple for the first time and it's like we just touch on everything that we view differently. And there are some of our best friends, like so many times. But yeah, I don't know. I don't think I would actually. I guarantee I wouldn't like, if my husband defended me in that way. I think a part of me would be like, thanks babe, for trying to defend me.

I love you.

But another part would be like, this actually is making the situation so much worse probably.

Yeah. So yeah, man, that's. That's tough pointing. That's tough.

[Addy]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I feel bad for all of them. I'm sure all of them feel sad. I feel all of them feel attacked by the Internet for different things, which is obviously just a hard place to be. But I feel like it did start a good conversation about mom groups.

I will say the person that speaks the loudest on things I tend to question the most where I'm like, you chose to make this all a big Public thing. I wonder what your internal dialogue was like with those women before you just decided to put it on such a big scale. Yeah.

And sometimes I wonder about timing. Like, it seems like gonna be the breakup with the friend group. Whichever friend group was recent. And then she spoke about it. I'm like, if it was five years from now, I don't think I would think anything of it, and it wouldn't have been a big deal. But since it's so recent, too, when she was, like, posting with these girls and stuff, you know, it's like, the timing, too, I would agree with.

[Listener Callers]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I just feel like life has a lot of things going on.

Everything's nuanced.

We don't need to have girl drama. Girl drama on top of it.

Gosh, kids, we don't need to be.

Fighting cash this bigger fris to fry around here.

Dang it.

Well, that's disappointing.

I hope that they resolve it.

They resolve it.

[Addy]

This was also posted on January 1st.

[Abby Howard]

So the article was fresh. Fresh.

Well, dang it.

I know.

It makes me feel differently about some of those people, which I don't like.

I. I don't.

Well, I mean, I just feel differently that they, like, went public with something like that.

Sure.

Maybe just Ashley.

Yeah. And Haley and Hillary. I feel like they're the main two.

Dang it.

Because I do feel like Ashley's one who talked about it, and then Hillary and her husband. I'm like. I feel like that must have been dialogue inside their home to make him want to, like.

Right.

Share that.

[Addy]

He had to have, like, a photo shoot. Like, he said it up.

[Abby Howard]

He was a picture. I know.

Bummer.

That's been all the topic online lately.

Dang it.

I know.

Maybe they find new friend groups.

Yeah. We have a video kind of. I saw online.

Oh, yeah. I honestly, I think we should just describe the diagram.

Okay.

Because it might be too hard to put the whole thing in.

Yes.

But I can't.

I was scrolling, and I saw this video. I thought it was so funny.

[Addy]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

On the topic of friendships. Yes.

Yes. Thank you for the segue.

Yes.

[Addy]

Your dad. That's what we got to work on, is the segues conversations. He's so great.

[Abby Howard]

The segue. My dad gives good feedback. I saw this video online, just scrolling, and it made me pause and watch the whole thing. And I immediately wondered, what friend am I? And so.

Yeah.

Do you want to explain the diagram you sent it?

I love this. Okay. So it has four quadrants, so the people that are likely to plan things, but are also flaky. He calls them captains because they're coming hot to group chats. They're like, yes, we're doing it. Let's plan it.

We got it going.

But then they will bail.

A lot of the times I'm busy. I actually can't make it, you guys.

Oh, my kid's sick. You know, there's just, like, random stuff that pops up.

Totally. Totally.

Okay. Then the people that are. That don't plan things and are flaky. He calls them fruit flies. He's like, these are the people that just kind of.

They just pop in.

Pop in.

Wow, you're here.

It's that time of year. Like, here you are.

You are awesome.

They just, like, probably I pictures of people that, like, don't ever respond in a group chat, but will just very rarely just, like, will appear.

Yeah.

And you're like, awesome.

Yeah. Totally.

Haven't seen you. Well, okay. People that don't plan things but aren't flaky. He calls them golden retrievers. He says these people show a shockingly low amount of agency on their own life. They love when people plan things and they are, like, locked in, but they.

Don'T ever take the initiative.

Take the initiative.

[Evan Ross Katz]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And then the people that are not flaky and also plan things. He calls them bees, and he says that they fluctuate from being, like, super chill to not chill at all. They'll send you an angry text if you don't show up to their birthday. They keep all their bees close to the hive. They, like, have. They'll be a good buddy and are, like, grouping people together often. So I think that we all know where we fall.

We all. We will talk about where we fall. I'm curious to leave in the comments where you guys fall, because I think this is.

Yeah, this is good.

Self reflection time.

Send it to your friends, too, to see, like, what do you think I am?

Yeah, it's Pete Ballmer. That's who made the video. You look him up and find it.

Abby, you're a golden retriever.

I'm 100% a golden retriever. I never plan a thing. But you asked me. I'm in, and I'm down. And I will make. I will be there. Yeah. And I will not. I will not bail.

You will be late.

I'll be late, but I'll be there.

Yeah.

That's funny. You're definitely a B. Yeah. You plan everything. A million parties.

Do I. I do feel like when I was like, I wouldn't sen. I want an angry text, but I'M.

Like, I've never gotten an angry text.

I wouldn't send an angry text. I would be like, hey, would like.

To know, is you rcp? Yeah, that was me.

[Addy]

When I was back and forth on if I was coming this weekend. I was like, I don't know if I'm gonna make it.

[Abby Howard]

She flaked. Call her out.

You did flake, Eddie.

[Addy]

Listen, I texted and said I was.

[Abby Howard]

But I think it's still flaking. If it's the day of.

[Addy]

I am a captain.

[Abby Howard]

That's good.

[Addy]

I like to plan things. I will be in the group chat.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

[Addy]

I will tell Abby the things that she should plan, that we should have. And then I also will be like.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know if it's gonna happen.

[Addy]

We're sleep training Brielle, so I can't leave the house. And Blake worked all week, so.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addy]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I think there's a beauty in that where you're. You don't take it so seriously. We were able to be like, this is actually. It would be inconvenient. Like, a super inconvenience. And sometimes I'm like, it's really inconvenient. But I. I have to go because, yeah, I literally.

Absolutely. I can't look myself in the mirror if I flake. I literally can.

I know. Like, if it. I would be sick as a dog. And I'm like, I gotta go. I said, yes.

[Addy]

I wish I could be more honest, which. That maybe that's not the nice part of being like, I just don't think I'm up for going today.

[Abby Howard]

You just don't think I'm up for going today? I don't know. People have said that to me before, and I kind of was like, yeah, don't say that. I gotta be honest. One time, we were, like, planning. We hadn't seen these people in a long time. This was years ago. No one can speculate who this is. And we were in town, like, we came all the way to the state that they live in. We're like, okay, we had dinner plans. And then like an hour before, they're like, they have no kids. We had kids. And they're like, we just sat down on the couch and we just can't get off the couch today. And I was like, ah, that's not an acceptable excuse. Maybe that's the b in me. But I was like, what?

Yes. I feel like laziness is different than like, oh, the. The babysitter cannot make it, and. Or sleep training and literally did not sleep at all. I think that's different than, like, I just don't want to get up.

Like, I neither. A part of me appreciates that honesty with another part of me is like, that's such a lame excuse.

I know. I think people will fall all across the board on this opinion. Some people be like, be honest. And this will be like, no.

[Addy]

Okay. As. Does it change when it's a pairing? You and Caleb together, invited to somewhere, you and Matt together? Because when I'm with Blake, it's even higher level of flakiness.

[Abby Howard]

Really? Yeah.

[Addy]

Because, like, doesn't want to do outings. So if I want to go and he doesn't want to go, we end up not going.

[Abby Howard]

See, I. If Caleb is involved, we are a hundred percent going. When we first got married, it was one weekend, Caleb, like, came in all jolly, and he's like, what do you got going on this weekend? And I go, what do you mean? I'm hanging out with you. He goes, what? I've asked four people to hang out. Like, he's so extroverted and wants to hang out, and I will not plan anything.

Is he a b.

No. He doesn't really take initiative to plan things. I think he was probably before we had kids and he started working more, but, yeah, not as much now. I wouldn't say.

Matt is so very much a golden retriever. And I actually, like. I remember when this happened, I was like, I take for granted how down you are for literally any plan I throw at you. And I have to give you that appreciation because I literally think about it. Well, because I think about bl. Like, he's like, I. I. And I think about my own father, who's the same, literally a rep. They're replicas of each other. Like, they are just like. So they like what they like, and they don't want to stray from that. And I think Matt could not be more open because. And here's the day that it really hit me is that one day at 2 o', clock, I was like, we're going to a couple's private Pilates class, and your legs are gonna be in these stirrups. I just remember being in that class. I was like, he didn't know when he woke up this morning that I had this scheduled. He didn't know an hour before this happened that I scheduled. He just came.

I'm gonna be so honest. It's because we're middle children. He's like, we always had our older siblings planned everything for us. Our parents planned everything for us, and we were Just along for the ride.

Dude is along for the ride.

Yeah, he's along for the ride. I'm the same way. I'm like, I want to do things. I'm not gonna plan them.

Yeah. I don't know why I became a bee, but I kind of think I've always have been.

Yeah, you've always. You're very extroverted.

[Addy]

Mom's that way, too.

[Abby Howard]

So you're.

[Addy]

You're both that way. And then Blake is like, his dad.

[Abby Howard]

Because I love having plans. I will tell you that. I saw this pillow at home goods, and it was like, lover of canceled plans. And I was like, what? Why?

Lover of canceled plans?

I, like, literally love having plans because I'm like, that's keeping me excited. I'm like, I can't wait to do that. It can be the most simple thing in the world. But if we. If I, like, think ahead, I'm like, tonight, we're gonna make frozen pizza and watch a movie on the couch. When the kids go to bed, I'd be like, plans. I love it. I just like to look forward to something.

I don't always feel sad when people cancel on me. If it's a night thing. If it's during the day, I usually feel bummed. But if it's a night thing, I'm like, oh, good. I can just chill.

Oh, I'm always bummed.

[Addy]

I'm always happy afterwards.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

I'm always glad when I do hang.

[Addy]

Like, the other night, we. I had a girls night with my friends that I was hosting, and they were like, like, should we cancel? Not everyone can make it. And they're like, no, we're gonna do it. And I was like, oh, it kind of would have been nice to cancel. Then they all came, and I was so happy. Like, it was so fun. But I do get fall into that realm like, an hour before something is planned. I'm like, gosh dang it. I really wish I didn't have that.

[Abby Howard]

Totally.

Maybe I am more extroverted than I realized.

You are one of the most extroverted people I've ever met.

Really?

Yes. Yes.

[Addy]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And I'm not saying extrovert as outgoing. I mean, like, you. You are energized being around people.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, after. Okay. After we hang out with people, I'm like, what do you want to do now? They're like, I, like, we'll talk to him. I want to debrief with Matt.

And Matt's, like, so exhausted. He's an introvert. I'm the same. I'm beat. Even though I'm always the last to leave, I can't leave for some reason. Yeah, you are the last. I always linger. And then in the car, I'm always like, did I stay too long? Did I overstay my welcome? You are Matt.

He overthinks everything, too.

That's the only thing I ever overthink in my life. And I think it's because I used to. Not being included to things, that is.

A knife to my heart. I know.

I used to not be invited. And then I was like, well, I must not be cool enough to hang out people.

I mean, that's sad.

So now I don't. Yeah, I think that's maybe why usually afterwards I'm like, oh, I think I was annoying, and I stayed too long.

[Addy]

Oh, I always think about that. I'm like, I was so annoying with what I just said. Or I talked too much, or I did too much.

[Abby Howard]

And I never think that. Ever. No, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Y'.

All.

[Addy]

I unpacked that with Abby one day, and she was like. You were just like, Matt, literally, he, like, asked questions.

[Abby Howard]

I'm like, maybe you think anyone thought anything of that? Whoa.

I don't ever overthink. I don't think about the things that I say. It's really just my length of time or my presence. I'm like, is my presence a bother that's deeper? Maybe that's worse. Who cares what I say when I'm around? I could be talking about my body.

Being here, but it's disruption.

They hate me.

Well, this is fun. Send it to your friends. Are you a bee? Are you a golden retriever? Are you a flu flute fruit fly? Are you a captain?

That's a great video.

There's like. It's like, as you're going through it, it's like that, that.

That. Yeah.

I do feel like I've been a lot more flaky recently, though. So I'm.

It's been a season.

It's been convicting.

I've never felt. You never flaked with me.

[Addy]

Here's the thing about Abby. Is she. Probably same with you. You will always be there. It doesn't matter how late. If I said yes, I will be there. Like, let's even say, like, you were gonna come over and watch Housewives one night. And I'm like, I don't know if she's ever coming. She said she was gonna come. Then it's like, 8:30. She comes, she's here. I'm like, oh, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Cool.

[Addy]

Great.

[Abby Howard]

You will inconvenience yourself. I'm like, that was not inconvenient. I was not too looking at all for you to do that. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm always glad I did it.

Yeah.

But yeah, I gotta work on being late. I actually was really thinking about that today. I was like, hubby, do you really think your time is so much more valuable than other people? And I was like, I just can't get it together.

I know. When we walked into sick, we walk in together, I was like, oh, thank goodness everyone is there.

We were by far the.

The latest. Yeah, I mean, we're 10 minutes.

[Addy]

Does it hurt you guys to be late?

[Abby Howard]

Sometimes? It depends on the situation.

[Addy]

Every time Blake and I walk out the door and we're gonna be late, I'm mad.

[Abby Howard]

Caleb's mad.

[Addy]

I'm mad at him every single time. Every Sunday morning.

[Abby Howard]

No, I think the problem is that Matt and I are both just like, what?

It's not even that I don't like. I. I get why people get mad. Like, it does feel disrespectful of time. And it's like, I really thought I was going to be on time. That's my trap. I thought I could get there.

I don't other people for being late, though.

Me neither.

So then that's the other thing.

But I get why people do get mad. Like it is.

Yeah, I get it too. That's why I was really kind of.

I know. I feel convicted about it too. Maybe that's. Maybe that's our one goal that we do forget all the other ones we talked about a couple episodes ago. We just work on time. I did my whole life.

We'll have to get rid of the rest to get focused on that one.

[Addy]

Like, okay, show up when you said you were going to. Not early show up on.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, gosh, so hard, honey. Okay, well, we're gonna segue. Sorry, Not a smooth one. These are trends that we're not falling for.

We're not.

We're not buying into these trends. And that doesn't mean they're bad if you like them. We love trends. I fall into a lot of trends, but these ones aren't necessarily my cup of tea.

These are ones that's like, if someone chooses them, love that for them.

Perfect.

Own it.

It's for you. It was made for you.

It was made for you. Own it. I'm so happy for you.

Yes.

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna fall in line with that one.

I won't be joining one Join the bandwagon.

And I really mean this. I really mean this. Can't get offended.

No, can't get offended.

If you're like, this is my favorite thing ever and I will die on this hill.

Yes. But because there are so many things I love that people hate and I.

Think they dislike it because everyone. Hey, we. Actually, I always said this with my friend growing up. I was like, you're weird. And I meant it as a compliment. And she was secretly getting offended. Until one day in fifth grade, I meant it as a compliment. Like, I was like, I love that you're weird. Like, we're weird together. And then she was like, when you say that I'm weird, I remember this. And so we always talk about it now. Like, she's still my friend.

That's funny.

She's like. But like, weird in a cool way. Right? And so Morgan, if you're listening to this.

Oh, I love Morgan.

Weird in a cool way.

Maybe we do a follow up episode to this. We do things that we like that are weird.

Oh, yeah.

We'll see how this one pans out. But that was from before we had, like, this one.

Okay, you want to kick it off?

Yes. I feel passionate about this one. Red light therapy. Listen, I understand there are some medical reasons that this is a necessity. I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about those little face masks that the girlies wear for skincare around their house, and they look like Iron Man. You are telling me that some rando company put Christmas lights in a face mask and that's going to reverse your wrinkles? I do not think so. Your cells aren't doing nothing in there. That is a. That's a scam. You've been scammed. And you know how I why I feel like that? Because I got so many emails from sketchy Amazon companies asking me if I wanted to promote their red light therapy masks. And I was like, okay, they're all fake. These are TEMU purchases that they're selling up, working up for a lot of money.

Okay. Devil's advocate for a second, though.

Sure.

Think about the sun and like, the rays from the sun. That definitely has effects on your skin.

Sure.

So we know that light can do something to our skin, don't you think? Like, I've never used it, but, like, ultra violet rays. I think the lady who does my facials was explaining it. It's like the only thing that can go like, you can do everything topically to your skin, but it's the only thing that can go, like, Deeper in your skin.

I think if you get the really expensive medical grade ones, it's probably doing something.

Oh, you're talking about, like, I'm telling.

You more about the ones from Amazon. Oh, you know what I mean?

Like, what's your minimum price? You need to probably spend on of these?

I would probably say like 200 bucks.

Oh, I think you probably need to spend more.

Probably 600 bucks.

Yeah. Yeah.

If you're spending less than $600. Those light bulbs are from Lowe's. I'm sorry.

Yeah, you could string those up on your.

You could string those up on your tree next year. Just put the mask up there. Tree topper.

[Addy]

There's one for $89.

[Abby Howard]

I know. I'm not buying that one.

[Addy]

79. 109.

[Abby Howard]

That's, that's expensive. That's a lot of money to just buy it. I was like, in the hopes that it's going to work for skin care.

I, I, I, I kind of agree. But I'm also like, I don't know enough.

I don't know anything. I'm being honest.

I've never researched the health effects of red light.

I don't know.

It has mental health effects.

[Addy]

4, 000 people have bought this one in the last month and it. What is $93?

[Abby Howard]

Okay. See, it's supposed to like, rejuvenate your cells, but that's the thing that I'm always, like, hesitant with is these beauty trends, these beauty gimmick things because we've been sold these for millennia.

Yeah.

Different. Put this goop on your face. Do this to cream.

Do this thing, do that.

And I'm like, you're telling me that this light that you're putting on your.

Face, that's a valid one. I can see it.

Turn back the clock.

I never used one. I don't. I feel like that would be a claustrophobic nightmare.

Yes.

[Addy]

For me, this is promoted as smoothen skin oil control skin tightening purple.

[Abby Howard]

I just, I'm not buying it.

That's a good one.

I'm not talking about the health people. Like, I know someone who has cancer and she does red light therapy and it's great. That's not what I'm talking about.

Like a red light room.

Yes. I am literally talking about the Iron Man. Iron man mask.

Yeah. Okay, that's valid.

[Addy]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

That's my trend.

Okay. This one I don't even think is like a relevant trend anymore, but. Labubus.

Laboos. You didn't buy any Labubus.

No, I, Okay. The first time I learned about Labubus was when Matt and I went to vidcon last year and all these kids had them on their backpack and I was cute for kids. They're kind of creepy, but that's fun that they have their thing. But then when I saw adult women with them attached to designer bags, of course, is when I was like, what are we doing? What are we doing here? And I genuinely think that, like, give it two years, everyone's gonna look back and be like, what?

What was that?

What was that about?

What was that?

Cause I have things I can be like, what was that about? But that one, I'm like genuinely like grown adults with fancy expensive bags and little weird stuffed animals attached them. That is objectively weird.

It's weird. I kind of like it. I would have. I didn't purchase any, but I kind.

Of like, are they expensive? How much is a Labubu?

No, I think originally they're like $30 from Popmart. But it was the pop market that went crazy.

Like limited edition Labubus.

They're all limited edition. I'm pretty sure you don't know which one you're getting, which is also part of the craze.

Oh, I didn't know that part.

Yeah. So when you open. I'm pretty sure. And yeah, they're. They went expensive on the second hand market. That's why they went crazy. Well, Addie, your face is like, this is crazy. What?

[Addy]

The one that's at the top of the. When you look up Labubus and go to the Pop Mart. Sorry. Is the monsters 114?

[Abby Howard]

Yes. They're not originally that expensive. They're maybe 30 to 60 originally. This one is expensive for a doll.

[Addy]

25.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, but it was the second hander.

A sidebar of that. Is that a trend? I also will not be falling for is designer anything. I. I can respect it in the sense of like, it's art to people. Like these bags are like art to people. Just. I'm not gonna fall for that. I don't really. I don't want to buy a bag for that much. I don't think it's. It's not worth it to me.

See, I'm the opposite. I really like bags.

[Addy]

I love.

[Abby Howard]

I've always. But I've always loved like the history of fashion and the art side of it. So someday when it's not like sin for me to spend that much money on a bag, I will buy myself a special bag. But I will say a trend I don't like is dupe culture. That's not on my list. But in my head, I'm like, I'd rather just not have it at all than have a fake. And that's a hot take.

Yeah. That I. I have. I like a dupe.

Yeah, you, like, be like, you'd rather have a fake than by spend your money.

No, no, it's not even about the fake. It's like, I like the shoe. For what? Like, for the shoe that it is. It's like it wasn't ever about the brand. You know what I mean?

Sure.

So it's not because it's replicating a brand. It's because, like, the dupes I have are, like, ugg dupes. I'm like, I like those warm shoes.

Sure.

So, yeah.

Yeah, I know.

And I never cared about the brand, so then I was like, I don't.

Yeah, there's two ends of the aisle.

You know what I will never buy Why? A Magnetiles dupe.

Oh, no, Some of the magnets aren't as strong.

No, I will never buy it. Because on their boss, their packaging of every single box, it was like they have, like, some type of disclaimer that's like, please look out for false Magna Tiles. And I just think about this in my head. It's like a family, small business that started Magna Tiles, and it really took off because it's an amazing product.

It is an amazing.

And we love Magnetiles. And I was like, oh, my gosh, I don't want to fall for that. And I honestly should probably view Uggs that way too.

Yeah. But, well, Uggs are different because there's a whole history there.

Yeah. I know that there's some history behind Uggs, so I will. You'll. I will never. Mark my words, I will never buy a Magnetiles dupe.

[Addy]

To make it even more to the heart, it was invented in Japan by a math teacher to teach geometry.

[Abby Howard]

Magnetiles.

[Addy]

Yep. And then it was brought to the US in 1997, and that's when they changed the name to Magnetiles.

[Abby Howard]

Magnetiles is a great name.

Incredible creation.

Okay, my next trend. Pimple patches in public as fashion. I'm so sorry.

You're right.

That is just nasty. We don't need to normalize pimples. They're already normal.

They're IU normal.

We don't need to draw attention to them with a star on our face. I don't like it.

We can normalize acne, but not.

Yes, of course.

Yeah. Highlighting them.

I think it's okay to, like, Take it off your face and go out looking a little bit more presentable to the people.

[Addy]

This is something I'm very passionate about, is the pimple patches and the colors in the shapes.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Addy]

Just.

[Abby Howard]

I didn't think a thing about your pimple until you put that patch on it. And now I'm like, that's nasty.

Yeah, there's something. There's some puss coming out.

Yeah, that's drying out in there. Then that should be done at night time while you're sleeping.

That should be done overnight. I agree, actually. That is weird. My next one is very controversial. Oh, cottage cheese. Oh, I'm not falling for it.

Don't fall for it.

Quit putting your cottage cheese in everything.

They put it in literally everything.

Honestly, grotesque.

Stop blending it. It's not a good texture. I tried it. It's a lie.

Don't put it in your whopper. Heaven forbid you put cottage cheese in any of my desserts. Heaven forbid. I'm literally like, please get that out of here. It doesn't need to be in everything. I mean, also, cottage cheese has been around guys, like, a long time, and it's also curdled milk.

Sure.

Let's be careful where we're putting that. I'm literally, like, so tired of hearing about cottage cheese.

[Addy]

I love cottage chips.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

I don't mind it. I like it. I actually like it a little bit in my egg.

Yeah, that's fine.

It's good.

[Addy]

It's really good.

[Abby Howard]

It's really creamy.

I did try that because of peer pressure.

I was peer pressure too. I'm not doing it currently. Never doing it again.

I won't. Probably won't either. It's just like, let eggs be eggs.

Eggs are.

Let everything exist as it should be.

You know what the next food trend is that I'm excited about, actually, is cabbage. I love cabbage. That's it.

[Addy]

Blake just got cabbage. I don't know. He's on probably.

[Abby Howard]

It's coming up. People are catching on.

Oh, cabbage was already a part of that green dip that was really popular online. You would love it, Abby.

I love cabbage.

I'm bake it for you. You just have to chop up everything so small, and it takes forever, but it's a really good little green dip.

[Addy]

Let's try it.

[Abby Howard]

I'm honored that you would do it.

But there's no cottage cheese in it.

[Addy]

Good.

[Abby Howard]

Keep it out and don't put it in desserts. Don't make any dessert healthy.

Don't do it. Just make a dessert. Bad. Okay. Not bad. Eat it good or bad? Abby, I'm sorry. Okay? My next one's also controversial. Paying it forward. I sound like the biggest jerk. Okay, I have a reason for this.

You have a valid reason.

Before you comment, before you hate me. Okay. Caleb and I went to Culver's to get ice cream. It was a tight budget month, and we were like, let's treat ourselves and go get ice cream. We restrained ourselves. We both got smalls. Okay? We're like, we're not gonna go medium route because we don't want to spend more money. We get up to the window, oh, my goodness. The car in front of us paid for our order. That was so nice, so generous. But then I look at the lady in the window and I go, so what do we do? Do we have to pay for the people behind us order? And she goes, if you want. And I just felt like a jerk. How do. You can't be the one that ends the pay it forward train because you are then a bad person. And you know what? The people behind us ordered mediums.

So.

We should have just ordered what we wanted. And that's why I will be saying I'm not falling for that truth again. If you want to pay for my meal, that's amazing. I'll take it generously, but I'm just gonna accept the gift. Unless I'm in a. Unless we're like, let's be generous, but I'm not gonna feel pressured to be generous.

Okay. In the moment, you let that one go, you end the train.

I've had this story written down for so long, I wrote it as says, pay it forward. Hoopla.

I've been using that word a lot recently. That's really funny.

Yeah, it was a bed.

That is some hoopla. I think it's funny. It's just really ironic that your decision was a financial decision.

Yeah.

Only for such as me. So I guess, honestly, what you should take from this is just get them. Always get medium.

That's what I'm saying, too. Say, what's $5? You know what I mean? It's just funny.

Okay, this one. I know we agree on this one. AI.

Oh, Abigail. That's me. Oh, Abby.

You can call me Abigail.

Your name.

I go by that sometimes. AI and Abby brought up this point. Just say it.

AI is for men.

[Addy]

It is.

[Abby Howard]

And here's the thing. I've used it before.

Yeah.

Honestly, I had to use it for this podcast.

I use it lots of times.

That was. I haven't used it actually a lot of times because I'm so avidly against.

It, so annoyed by it.

And I know that. Here's the thing, I know that it's inevitable. AI is going to continue to grow and become this massive thing, and I'm gonna end up using it too. But at this point, I just think there needs to be more boundaries with A.I. i remember, like, it's really Matt. He is always talking AI I'm like, that's not a person. We have to have boundaries. Like, we can ask AI A questions like, hey, like, come up with a name or come up with, like, a concept or, heck, even like, I don't know, what's a nice way of phrasing this email. That's fine.

Yeah.

But when it's like, give me life advice. Give me, like, I don't know. There's like, things that I'm like, these. A human has to be there. Sure. A human has to know you not a machine.

Yeah.

And my other gripe about it, if I were to give you a list, it gases you up so much.

Oh, I hate it.

It's like, what a wonderful idea.

What a great question. Caleb, shut up.

Yeah. They're like, matt, wonderful idea.

And I'm like, no, it wasn't. Just kidding.

That. That doesn't mean anything. It's a computer.

It's empty.

[Addy]

Here's where the issue comes, is both of you are talking about how they speak to it. I have used ChatGPT for work for different things. I type anything I need so then I'm not getting the emotional side of things. No, ever.

[Abby Howard]

I hate the talking. And they. They. They fluff. It rambles. It doesn't get to the point. I'm like, don't give him a compliment. And then get to the point. Just get to the point. I can read Google faster than I can. You get to the point. One time. Caleb goes, okay, hey, chat. My wife and I. Da, da, da. And it goes, oh, wow, that's funny that Abby wants to do that. I said, he never. You never told him my name? It knows my name. And I was mad.

I get mad when Matt tells AI about me and I'm like, what are we doing? It's for men that need a mentor. I honestly think, okay, this is where.

I. AI is for men. I was listening to a podcast and these guys were talking about how Gemini, at the bottom of a video, they'll say, gemini, summarize this video for me. And I said, that's it. Women will never do that. And they were like, oh, that's going to be all the new Thing. People are going to just summarize their videos. I go, no woman is going to summarize their video. I want the story, I want the details. I want to be sat and I want to hear it.

I want to wind down.

I want to wind down.

I want the information.

Don't summarize this. Summarize. I don't want it too much too soon. Too much too soon.

That's for men.

They want to get to the point and they just want to move on with their day.

Yeah. They don't care about, like, details. All the details. That's right.

Right. Yeah.

And here's the thing. I. I even hate to be saying this because I know I'm a hypocrite right now because I just know that I'm going to succumb to this. But right now I'm just going to. I'm going to do it reluctantly.

Sure. A slow adopter.

I don't like it when it talks, and I don't like it, like. And I also like. It changes per people all the time. And I don't know people. It's actually a problem. People think that they're, like, in relationships with AI personalities.

Yeah, they do. There are full apps for that. The other day, Caleb had chat talking, and it literally started. It got drunk in the middle of its sentence, started slurring its words.

Did you hear that?

But your. Your chat has a problem. It's an addict.

I literally, when Matt gets on it, I'm like, take in another room. Take her in another room.

[Addy]

I just got this flashback of, like, 20 years ago, 10 years ago. And like, if someone were to watch you guys talk about this, I'd be like, what the heck?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I don't know how colleges are adjusting to this. I don't know. I don't know what's going on, but it's out of control.

It is out of control.

Too much too soon.

Okay, here's my next one. Fake freckles. I. I think they look cute. Honestly, it's just another step. And I'm not doing it in my makeup routine. I've always been jealous of freckles. You have the cutest freckles. I think I would look cute with freckles. I'm not painting them on my face.

I agree.

I will not be doing that.

You have them or you don't.

Yeah, exactly. You're blessed. Oh, you're a mess. I'm just kidding.

[Addy]

I feel like your face probably looks. Looks the best the way it is.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Addy]

I don't think it's gonna look better with freckles. It might look a little different.

[Abby Howard]

It's just such an extra step. Like, don't worry. I have enough things to do.

Also, it could go wrong really quickly.

So fast. Yes, that's. That's my whole point with that one. I agree.

This one man, I did two heavy ones back to back. AI have a lot of passionate feelings with it. This one man hating. Talked about it on Unplanned before, and people did not like it.

Why they said you shouldn't hate men more.

Oh, it's a trend, Abby. Oh, it is a trend. It is a major trend. But I'm still standing on this. Hating men is okay.

[Addy]

Hating.

[Abby Howard]

Discriminating against an entire gender because you had a bad experience with one is still discrimination. Even if it's men. Even if you view them as, like, you know, privileged in some type of way, which they are.

But.

But that is still discrimination. It's still not okay. And also, I'm raising two boys. I would like to think that one day when they grow into men, that they can be in a world where women are not going to be constantly looking to degrade them, to belittle them, to look for them, to make any mistake and then be like, yeah, because you're a man.

You know, literally.

It's just. It's so. It's not serving us. It's not doing the purpose that we want.

Right.

Like, we should actually maybe encouragement and.

You know, the way that we want them to encourage us.

Yes. And maybe. Heck, maybe they'll step up the plate. Gosh dang it.

Dang it. Imagine you speak positively to someone and they turn it around.

Me personally, when people are, like, giving me praise, I'm like, I want to do more of that. Literally when people are knocking me down constantly. And I think this is running rampant online specifically.

Yeah.

And so that's why I say this on this platform is because it has become so cool. Me, like, I hate all men or all men are terrible. Like, just make these crazy comments. I'm like, wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute. If someone were to say that about women, we would be pissed off, literally. And, like, this is just so crazy. And it's just been a trend among any type of, like, couples or family creators. It's like, let's villainize and demonize the man. Let's call them gay. That's a big trend, too. Like, let's just do everything, everything to demasculate them.

Right.

And also just belittle them, make them feel so small. And we're also hitting the wrong target so many times. I'm like, they're an awesome person. They're amazing. And we're going after the wrong people. Everyone, this is just not women. It's not going to help us.

Right.

It will only hurt us. Trust me.

Tearing other people down to build yourself up has never been. It's never been effective. Never was effective.

[Addy]

You can love women without hating men.

[Abby Howard]

Yes. And also just, like, prideful in a bad way. I'm like, it's not. It's not like a cute pride.

It's just.

It's like, women are amazing. We are awesome. But, like, that can be the period.

You know, that can be the end of it.

Both things can be true. Women are awesome and men are awesome.

Yeah.

And I do understand that the. The conversation the man hating started after the me too movement. Much needed movement. Very important movement. But it's just gone too far.

It wasn't all men. It was never all men. Right.

And it's just gone too far.

It's gone way too far.

We all need. We need to bring it back in.

A little bit, ring it in and calm it down, everybody. And I'm sorry if you've had a bad experience with a man.

Yeah, that man sucks.

That man. It sucks. We hate those men.

We don't like that man.

But making these broad statements is just. It's right. It's outrageous. It's unfair.

Yes.

I love my man. He's awesome. So I'm like, everyone, calm down.

What's that song? That's My Man. Thank you for My Man. That's My Man.

Yeah, that was.

I sing that in my head a lot. Okay, that's good, Abby.

Thank you.

Thank you for saying that.

Yeah. I'm like. I honestly think about my little boys, and I'm like, I know. I love them. And you want to just be like, hey, you're a man.

I will fight them. No, I know.

It's gonna make me not like girls, right?

Yeah, I love girls.

I love girls.

I'm a girls girl. And a man's girl.

No, I'm a girl's girl.

I don't even know what I was trying to say. Okay, my last one. This one is a hot take. This one's controversial.

Okay.

Pilates.

I'm sorry.

I don't like it. I'm sorry.

[Addy]

As a whole or as your primary form of exercise?

[Abby Howard]

I've done it multiple times, and I was bored every time.

I think I've invited you every time.

I've done Yeah, I've done it a bunch of times. And every time I'm like, oh, you see all those videos, a line of girls where they're like. Like, my football boyfriend coming to Pilates, and he's like, shift. You know, shaking so hard. I've never experienced that.

Really?

Yes. I mean, maybe for like an eight count.

Oh, I've been. I've been trembling in Pilates.

[Addy]

Sure.

[Abby Howard]

You tremble a bit. I don't know. I just. I was bored every time. Yeah, I've done it multiple times. Like, many different. Many different gyms. And it's just never been my thing, so I just like to work out differently.

No, I agree.

So expensive.

It doesn't get your heart rate up.

No, I think I like that.

I like getting my heart rate up.

Same. And it's like 45. 40 for a drop in class at some of these places. I'm just telling you, if you.

If you have.

If you wanted to try it and you're, like, feeling left out, it's okay.

That's a. That's good, actually. I mean, it's def. Not my preferred workout. It does. I think the reason the trembling comes from is because you're working muscle groups that are small. Are small.

Yes.

Yeah. And it's like, you're like, they've never done this before.

Yeah, totally.

They've never had this responsibility.

Yeah.

But, yeah, I'm sorry.

People are gonna hate me for that.

I don't know about that.

They will. People love. People love their gym. If people said that about burn, I'd be like, oh, that's a bummer. But I know people don't, like, burn, so it's okay. Actually. It's okay that I don't like Pilates.

It's okay that you don't like Pilates, Abby.

It's okay.

[Addy]

Everything's perfectly fine.

[Abby Howard]

I prefer other workouts as well.

Yes. Yes.

That's awesome.

[Addy]

See, everyone? See how that just went. Abby said something, and we all said, it's okay.

[Abby Howard]

It's okay, Abby. It's okay. Okay, I got one. This one actually is still a trend, and I'm surprised that it is.

Okay.

Laminated eyebrows, or as I like to call them, electrocution eyebrows.

I was googling how to get my eyebrows laminated the other day. Okay, no, no, no. Go off.

No, no, no. I think you can get your eyebrows professionally laminated and tinted and lifted. I'm talking about going literally straight vertical.

Yeah, those are. Yeah. A little crazy.

Fluffing them directly up, especially if they're long and greasing. Them all the way up. No, eyebrows grow like that.

Sure.

And I think the whole point of makeup is to accentuate the natural beauty of your face and your features. And so when they go straight up, shellacked straight up, it's not looking like an eyebrow anymore to me. My eyebrows have looked like this through all the eyebrow trends, and that's because that's what they look like. Sure. So I'm like, it's not for me.

Yes. Eyebrow blindness is a real thing. It's bad. Eyebrow blindness has been around since 2015.

Well, remember. Okay. Also, let's just have a moment for all the trends of eyebrows.

Right.

Super skinny, like the early 2000s. Like, pin straight over, plucked.

Yeah.

Then we swayed so hard to the block eyebrows squares completely filled in. Now we've gone to a more natural shade of eyebrow, but shellacked.

Yeah.

The heavens.

Shellac to the heavens. I actually look back sometimes, and I have shellac to the heavens. Eyebrows. Sometimes I have a little bit of eyebrow blindness.

I think I'm a clean girl aesthetic. No, I've never noticed you having it.

It.

I'm talking about extreme cases, because I do also. I brush mine up. Yeah, that's. That's great. And it's just. For me, I'm like. When they go all the way up and they're really long, it's kind of.

Yeah.

[Addy]

Fluffy eyebrows. It's like the big.

[Abby Howard]

See, I don't even think. I think that's what they call them, but they don't look fluffy.

No, I know. It's the extreme. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Greased straight up.

Yes. Yes, yes.

That is crazy.

It is crazy. I one time I did do that, and my older sisters DM me and my sister Olivia goes, what is wrong with your eyebrows?

I think you go up and then.

Just a little bit to the side. Yes.

Because it's just you kind of always look surprised.

Maybe that's why I like it. I'm like, ooh, a little facelift.

I do think it's part of the clean girl style that I never quite like. It doesn't suit me. So it's probably just a trend that it's a part of a larger. A broader trend that doesn't suit me.

Sure.

And, yeah. Maybe I'm just also too hairy. I don't know.

I'm pretty hairy too. I. I like. I like the. The upbrows. But I get what you're saying with the extreme.

Maybe if they're too. Maybe it's. The problem is when they're too long.

Yeah.

Doing that.

It's the length.

Yeah.

Huh? Yeah.

I'm glad we got those off our chest.

I'm glad we got those off our chest. Ask, ask, ask. Abby.

[Listener Callers]

Hi, my name's Ashley, and I just had a question. You both seem to have a large friend group and to host a lot of gatherings, and I was just wondering what your best hosting tips would be. Love watching you guys and listening along. Bye.

[Abby Howard]

Take it away, Abby.

Oh, I'm no expert. I mean, my advice is, like, don't worry about perfection. Like, in your house. Like, my house will be messy. Straight up messy. And we're still having people over. And I think that is maybe just to do with the season of life that we're in, too, where it was like, I don't have time to clean my house all day because we're gonna have company. But also, it's just like, it's more about the company that you're gonna have over. And, like, your true friends are not gonna think a thing about you having toys out or dishes in your sink. Yeah. I think that's the main thing that I think of. I think people think that their house has to be perfect and that their event has to be perfectly planned and all these things, and it's really not about that. You can just say, hey, come. Like, I'll have a few. Few snacks. You can bring snacks, too. And it's just about the community and the company and not about how, like, your house looks. I think that. Yeah, especially as women, we kind of feel like things have to be perfect, and that's not the point of it. And your real friends are not going to care at all.

Totally.

Yeah.

That's good. I don't know if I have anything to add. I think that's great.

Thanks. Hey, guys.

[Listener Callers]

Love listening to the podcast. I was just calling to ask for advice about what to do or how to get through a season with your partner where you feel like you're becoming distant or disconnected. I know that it's, like, ebb and flow within relationships, but sometimes some seasons are harder than others. And how did you guys navigate through that during your relationships?

[Abby Howard]

Thanks.

Oh, man. Yeah, that happens a lot. I mean, not a lot, but that's happened here and there throughout the seasons of our marriage, for sure. And I feel like we recently had a season like this, especially just being postpartum and pregnant. I told Caleb, I looked at him, I said, I just feel a little bit more like your roommate and your friend than I do your wife. And sometimes Just voicing it out loud to your spouse opens up the conversation of, like, oh, I didn't even realize that, like, what do you need from me to feel more connected? Or what can I do to help us feel more connected? And I think it goes both ways. Like asking, I would ask Caleb, like, what can I do to help? And then he would also ask me, like, what can I do to be a better husband? And then we schedule a date night. And I think that's really important because sometimes you just need quality. Like, I'm a big quality timer. When I'm lacking on quality time is when I start to really feel distant. So, yeah, whatever it is with your love language or your spouse's love language, just ask. And then really try to go above and beyond for a little bit of a time. Not just like one time, but like, for a couple weeks until you kind of feel like you've reconnected.

That's really good advice. And I like how you even said, like, relationships ebb and flow. I think we need to do more normalizing of this in relation. Like, a normal relationship, like, can have parts where you're like, it's not necessarily all passion right now, especially in seasons, like you said, when seasons are more difficult. Postpartum, like, any hard thing in life that can happen is going to naturally affect how you are showing up in your relationship and in your marriage. And that has to be normal. And it can't go to, like panic time. And like, oh, this isn't like the movies. This isn't passionate. This isn't like a rom com. So this is bad or this is wrong. But it is good to acknowledge that and like to do a check in then and then. Yeah. Have an honest conversation. I think the advice to go above and beyond for like a couple weeks is great advice. Just kind of shock everyone out of it.

Yeah.

Like, we love each other. We, like, are having fun.

Yes.

And so, yeah, I think that's really good advice and also just expressing that because I feel like if you were to honestly say this, I think John Deloney says this where he's like, it's one thing to say, like, I need this from you. And it's something even more intimate in a way to say, like, I want this from you. Like, and I think that maybe your partner can hear this. That better too. It's like, I want you. I'm craving, like, intimacy with you. And I feel like that honesty and transparency will almost always be well received, hopefully. Hi, Abby and Abby.

[Listener Callers]

My name is Bryn and I'm a regular listener. Regular listener to your podcast, both unplanned and your new ones. I wanted to know what is both of your favorite way to unwind after a long day. Thanks so much. I love listening to your podcast.

[Abby Howard]

Bye, guys. That's sweet. Thanks for listening.

Yeah. Thank you so much.

I like a big old bowl of ice cream smothered in chocolate shell. Oh, ice cream. I. Yeah, that really helps me feel just happy at night.

That is awesome. Yeah. I have a new habit now of after we put the kids to bed. I'm like, I just need, like, I honestly would say, Ideally, at least 20 minutes to just put on headphones, and I listen to library music on YouTube and read my book and have a hot tea. And I literally. I'm just like. I'm amazed by how, like, I feel after all that. And Matt, like, now he makes my tea. He knows it's, like, an expectation. I have my little corner of the couch, my Kindle, my blanket, and I'm like, thank you. And, like, we don't talk for, like, 20 minutes. And it's amazing what, like, that does for my brain to, like, wind down. And also, I'm just, like, so relaxing. It's like, so. It's my favorite thing ever. And then Matt, like, came and sat down. He's like, oh, are you not done yet? I'm like, no, you can come sit next time. Like, I'm like, this is. I, like, did it one night, and I was like, this is gonna be a frequent thing. I, like, love this, but everyone has their own thing. I feel like I would caution against, like, scrolling because it feels like it's easy to do and it feels good, but you're not actually probably winding down. You're probably winding yourself up.

Mm. Now I'm thinking about. I probably don't have anything that I do to wind down. Probably need to implement something. It is very relaxing for me when I cook to watch a show and, like, put my headphones in. I have a show going when I cook, but I haven't been able to do that as much in this season.

So.

Yeah, I'll get back to that.

Yeah.

But that was how I would before wind down.

Wow, guys, I. Every time I hear your voicemails, I just want everyone to know how grateful I am that you guys are listening and, like, participating in this way.

It's.

It's really, really cool. And I'm just. I just feel so much gratitude for our audience listening and for everyone here that are always here.

I'm like, oh, my gosh we asked people to call in, and they actually did it. That's amazing. It's so sweet. Thank you, guys for supporting. If you guys want to call in, the phone number is 602-456-9690. And it could be a question about anything.

Yeah.

Yourself. Yeah.

You guys are awesome. I loved every question that's come in.

Me, too. It's been great.

Thanks so much, you guys, for listening to another episode. And remember, we're always here.

Sam.