Mom guilt: the s*x talk & the firstborn shift

Summary

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Always Here – Episode Summary

Podcast: Always Here
Hosts: Abby Howard & Abby Howard (Daylight Media)
Episode: Mom guilt: the s*x talk & the firstborn shift
Date: April 17, 2026

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Overview

This episode of Always Here dives into the complexities and humor of "mom guilt," covering everything from juggling work and parenting to why the "sex talk" is so awkward and how the arrival of a second child changes dynamics. Co-hosts (and sisters-in-law) Abby and Abby, joined by regular contributor Addie, blend candor, vulnerability, and laughter as they unpack relatable anecdotes, listener confessions, and their personal journeys through motherhood.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Easter, Family, and Grief (02:02–08:00)

• Highlights:

  • The Abys share their "Hope and Hard" from Easter, opening up about missing extended family and navigating life after losing loved ones.
  • Abby B reflects on how her widowed grandmother inspires her by traveling in her eighties—"I just see her. She's a very resilient woman. I really respect that about her." (04:16)
  • Both express gratitude for intergenerational family and recognize the shift as their grandparents age.

• Notable Quotes:

  • “There’s a lot of good things about growing old.” – Abby B’s grandma (05:27)
  • “She’s a spitfire. Comes with its pros and cons.” – Abby B, about her grandma (05:38)

Time Management, Multitasking, and Mom Guilt (11:06–13:37)

• Highlights:

  • Abby B admits to feeling scattered, never fully present—“I just feel like I’m not fully present anywhere I go in my life right now.” (11:06)
  • They reference Casey Neistat’s productivity quadrants: things you both want to do and are productive, don’t want to but are productive, etc.
  • Conversation around routines being disrupted by travel and other life events, increasing stress and feelings of guilt.

• Listener Relatability:

  • "As moms, we’re always multitasking, always having things going on." (12:13)

Event Planning Humor: Being Late and Family Logistics (14:27–18:14)

• Highlights:

  • Lighthearted debate about being late to Easter dinner and family “arrival times” (15:40).
  • Discussion on Brussels sprouts, food mishaps, and navigating expectations.

• Memorable Moment:

  • “Here’s the thing. As someone that’s chronically late, I’m never going to be upset about someone being late.” – Abby B (16:35)

Time Management and "Mom Guilt" in Pop Culture (20:00–25:35)

• Highlights:

  • The hosts discuss a viral TikTok (by Jake Shane) about the absurdity of a 9-minute “grace period” for European Wax Center appointments and how lateness triggers guilt.
  • They appreciate snarky marketing responses and debate whether the jokes land or feel harsh, especially for “people who can’t manage their time.”

• Notable Quotes:

  • “Do you ever feel guilty about being late? I sure do. Moving on to mom guilt.” – Abby A (25:35)

Deep Dive: What is Mom Guilt? (26:07–50:56)

Personal Experiences and Listener Confessions (26:07–39:18)

• Personal Stories:

  • Abby A: As a kid, she felt guilt so deeply it made her physically ill (26:07).
  • Both hosts agree mom guilt was low with the firstborn and amped up with subsequent children.

• Listener Submissions:

  • 93% of their audience reported experiencing mom guilt.
  • Examples included guilt over breastfeeding struggles, work, kid milestones, and even giving babies a drop of water (“it could kill my baby!” – Anna [31:22]).

• Notable Quotes:

  • “Mom guilt can bring you to some wild places and some mental spirals.” – Abby B (27:45)
  • “If I don’t enjoy every moment, I’m ungrateful...” – Listener submission (32:40)

The Shift with Baby #2 & “The Firstborn Shift” (45:47–49:51)

• Key Points:
  • Abby B describes overwhelming guilt when her second child arrived, feeling the firstborn “got like, no time alone with me.” (47:02)
  • Abby A recounted feeling helpless when her toddler caught hand-foot-mouth just after baby #2 was born—“That was the first time I felt, like, gripped by guilt.” (48:43)
• Insights:
  • Guilt is mixed with intense love, a desire to be “enough” for both children, and the reality that moms can’t meet every need all the time.

Working Moms Guilt and “Confused Kids” (50:56–59:49)

• Dr. Amen’s Concept:
  • “Guilty moms create confused children” – The idea that if parents act ambivalent or secretive about working, kids read that as discomfort, which rubs off.
• Practical Solutions:
  • Clarifying work boundaries with kids, using proactive language about why parents work, and fostering pride in effort rather than shame for absence.
• Notable Stories:
  • Griffin, Abby B’s son, asks for a camera and “pewter” to work like mom and earn his own money (55:12).

Advice for Working Parents & Routine (61:12–63:29)

• Takeaways:
  • Open communication and setting clear routines for work vs. parenting helps lessen both kids' confusion and parents' guilt.
  • Addie describes using a sitter during wake windows to optimize work hours and quality time.

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Multigenerational Perspective: Talking with Their Moms (63:30–68:29)

• Highlights:
  • Abby B’s mom still feels guilt for returning to work after six weeks; acknowledges the “Great American Mom Work Dilemma”—you feel guilty either way.
  • Abby A's mom's guilt centers on projecting perfection for holidays/meals and now compares her simple 90s meals (boiled noodles and parmesan) with how her daughters feed their kids.
  • Both reflect on how guilt lingers and isn’t easily erased by reassurance.

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How to Manage and Move Through Mom Guilt (69:55–74:44)

• Key Insights:

  • Guilt can be a useful "internal warning flag" (John Deloney framework) when it prompts positive behavioral change (e.g., putting the phone down).
  • The solution isn’t eliminating guilt, but talking about it openly with partners, friends, or therapists and evaluating when it’s warranted.
  • Trusted community is important—sometimes you need validation, sometimes a gentle nudge to change.

• Quotes:

  • “We’re three moms... we’re with you. We experience it too. And some of these things we can laugh about. Some are serious, some are funny, but it’s all relatable.” – Abby A (74:26)

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Ask Abby Segment (76:10–103:00)

Engagement Stories (76:43–88:33)

• The hosts and Addie share their engagement stories—sweet, awkward, and laugh-worthy, each highlighting personal quirks and the unpredictability of “the ask.”

The “Sex Talk” (88:33–95:22)

• Listener Asks: Advice for giving her 12-year-old daughter “the sex talk.”
• The hosts never had a formal talk; instead, info trickled in from peers and school, sometimes resulting in confusion and anxiety.
• Consensus: Ongoing, open conversations are more effective than a “one-time” awkward moment.
• Abby B: “I kind of want to be the first to speak on some of these big topics.” (91:08)
• Addie highlights American Girl's "Care & Keeping of You" book as a helpful resource.

Girlhood, Puberty, and First Bras (95:22–97:38)

• Amusing anecdotes about first bras, shaving, and the social pressures of girlhood.

Dancing with the Stars – Dream Pairings (98:03–101:36)

• Fun hypothetical: which DWTS pro they’d dance with and which song they’d perform to—answers include Mark Ballas, Val, Ezra, and both party tracks and ballads.

Always Hungry—Recipe Segment (102:06–104:03)

• Abby A shares her detailed recipe for overnight oats—oats, chia seeds, berries, honey, granola, and the warning: "give yourself like an hour after that so you have enough time to go to the bathroom..." (103:31)

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Notable Quotes by Timestamp

• On Grandmothers & Resilience:
  “I just see her. She’s a very resilient woman. I really respect that about her.” – Abby B (04:16)

• On Mom Guilt:
  “There was so much guilt associated with having my second kid... Griffin got like, no time alone with me.” – Abby B (47:02)

• On Work and Guilt:
  “Guilty moms create confused children.” – (Dr. Amen, as cited by Abby B) (52:03)

• On Community & Conversation:
  “We’re three moms... we’re with you. We experience it too. Some of these things we can laugh about ... but it’s all relatable.” – Abby A (74:26)

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Listener Takeaways

• You are not alone: Nearly all moms experience guilt; it comes and goes, can be constructive, but sometimes lingers despite reassurance.
• Clear expectations help children and parents—especially around work, routines, and help from others.
• Open, ongoing conversations about sex, body image, and milestones are more helpful than “one-time” talks.
• Humor and honesty lighten the load; sharing the hard (and hilarious) moments can be healing.

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Important Timestamps

• Hope & Hard/Easter Family Talk: 02:00–08:00
• Time Management & Feeling Scattered: 11:06–13:37
• Being Late, Family Routines: 14:27–18:14
• Jake Shane & Guilt in Pop Culture: 20:00–25:35
• Mom Guilt Deep Dive, Listener Responses: 26:07–39:18
• Second Child Shift: 45:47–49:51
• Work & Guilt, Confused Kids: 50:56–59:49
• Sitter/Work Balance, establishing routines: 61:12–63:29
• Talking with their Moms—Multigenerational Guilt: 63:30–68:29
• Solutions & Carrying Guilt Lightly: 69:55–74:44
• Ask Abby / Engagement Stories: 76:10–88:33
• The Sex Talk: 88:33–95:22
• Dancing with the Stars Q: 98:03–101:36
• Always Hungry/Overnight Oats Recipe: 102:06–104:03

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Final Thoughts

The hosts, in their signature heart-meets-humor style, bring compassion and levity to topics that so often feel heavy for mothers. Whether you’re managing the leap from one to two kids, struggling to set work/life boundaries, or dreading the Big Talk with your preteens, Always Here offers both honesty and hope—and a reminder that, truly, you’re not alone.

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Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Girl.

[C]

Winter is so last season. And now spring's got you looking at pictures of tank tops with hungry eyes. Your algorithm is feeding you cutoffs. You're thirsty for the sun on your shoulders that perfect hang on the patio. Sundress those sandals you can wear all day and all night. And you've had enough of shopping from your couch. Done. Hoping it looks anything like the picture when you tear open that envelope. It's time for a little in person spring treat. It's time for a trip to Ross. Work your magic.

[B]

There was so much guilt with having my second kid. I just rushed this so much to the point where, like, Griffin got, like, no time alone with me. People really think breast milk could cure cancer?

[A]

I know.

[B]

World peace.

[A]

I tried putting it on some of my skin rashes and I still had a rash.

[B]

No, it's because it wasn't water. I think that was like our parents generation. They're like, you sit them down one time.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You get it done. You never bring it up Band aid. And then the kids are like, one time my mom said penis, and it was really scary.

[A]

Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host, Abby Howard.

[B]

And I'm also Abby Howard.

[A]

And you're listening to our podcast.

[B]

We are here every Friday or whenever you choose to listen to it. Fit us in your schedule to share the hope in the heart with heart and humor.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

I feel like we haven't said that for the past couple weeks. I know. I don't even think we've done hope

[A]

and hards in a while. Like, we kind of have. Yeah.

[B]

But I got them this week.

[A]

I did, too.

[B]

Okay, you go. You go first.

[A]

Okay. Well, Easter was so fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And super hopeful. I do think there was a little bit of a hard and just missing my family because all my family's in Missouri and we live in Arizona, so I feel like every holiday that comes around, I just feel a little fomo and it's always, like, a little sad. But it's always so fun here with our family here.

[B]

Yeah. Wait, aren't your parents back in town?

[A]

They're my mom's back in town. But like, my sisters, my grandma all my. I was thinking about this. I haven't seen my extended family in a really long time because we didn't go back for Christmas this year. Like, we went early with Vivian since she was so fresh. We just kind of skipped all the big parties. So. Yeah, I just haven't, like, seen any of my cousins and my aunts and uncles in a really long time.

[B]

That's sad.

[A]

I know. Yeah. When you think about it, you're like, dang. Your time is just limited.

[B]

I guess. Like, I would say my family's smaller. Like, pretty small in the grand scheme of things. They're able to come out here and, like. But, you know, there's pros and cons to that. It's kind of fun, probably, to have, like, a huge family gathering and stuff like that.

[A]

Yeah, it is.

[B]

Yeah. Easter was fun. We had a good time. My grandma came to visit. That was actually my hope. It was really fun having my grandma. She stayed with us, but she hasn't stayed with us the past couple times that she came. Or actually, just the last time she came, she stayed with my parents, and it was fun having her stay here. And my grandma is 82. She was. She's, like, widowed. Does that sound like a bad way of saying it? My grandpa passed two years ago. She's been a widow for two years now. And, like, she was married for over 50 years. And, you know, I always think I'm like, what would be the worst possible thing that could happen in my life? And I'm like, matt, dying would be like, sorry to make it heavy. I'm like, that would be the worst possible thing. But then, honestly, like, Grant, like, looking at my grandma now, which my grandma and my grandpa for their entire lives were, like, attached at the hip, like, did everything together. But, like, watching my grandma now has honestly been so inspiring to me. Cause I'm like, okay, probably the worst thing ever has happened to her, right? And, like, I'm looking at her, like, have saying, have a new lease on life. Kind of sounds like. Like, she would never have chosen that. She would still choose to have my pawpaw here, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But, like, seeing the way that she has, like, moved through that grief and, like, carried it with her and, like, honestly, like, put herself in this position that she is now where she's, like, traveling for the first time ever at 82, she. My grandpa had, like, a severe fear of flying. They didn't have the finances to travel when they were younger. Wasn't even really a thought. And then later on in life, when they had the money and the finance or and the, like, ability to. They still, like, he had a severe fear of flying. And so now my grandma this year is, like, going to Greece. She's going to Alaska. She's like, got. She's coming here, and it's, like, cool and inspiring. Like, she has all of her girlfriends, and I don't know, I just see her. She's a very resilient woman. I really respect that about her. And also, like, our whole family. She lives in the Midwest, too. Our whole family, like, left our hometown except for her. And so she has every reason to, like, kind of score and, like, I

[A]

don't know, made me feel alone or

[B]

not try new things. Just, like. Like, just feel down on herself. Right? But she kept talking to me about. She's like, growing old is not. She's like, there's a lot of good things about growing old. I thought she was being sarcastic. She was not.

[A]

No. She.

[B]

She's like, there's a lot of good things about growing old.

[A]

She's.

[B]

And I'm like, oh, I'm so happy to hear you say that, Grandma. Like, I feel like I want to hear bad things about getting old. You know, throw back to our Botox.

[A]

She's such a spitfire.

[B]

And she. She is a spitfire. Comes with its pros and cons. But she. Then I'm like, well, okay. Like, what are you talking about? She's like, well, I just. She goes, I have a much lower appetite now. She's like, to first, bro. That's the first thing that she thought about. She's like, I don't need to eat as much food.

[A]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

To feel full. And I was like, well, that's. Can't wait for that day. Oh, my gosh. Seriously, I'm not there, but I'm excited for that day. And then she's like, also. She goes, great grandchildren. And she's like, so. Which I'm like, I'm always excited to be a grandma, which is. I'm 27, but, you know, I'm excited for it. It is so great. Grandchild another bonus.

[A]

Totally. So it is.

[B]

She, like, kept saying, like, these casual, like, really fun things about growing. Well, she's so active. She goes to her little workout class. People from my hometown send me pictures on Instagram of my grandma planking. 82.

[A]

I was gonna say, it's so inspiring seeing, like, she's 82 with great grandchildren, and she's on the floor playing with them up and atom going all day. Like, yeah, she picks them Up.

[B]

I know.

[A]

They're literally almost as tall as her.

[B]

She's really small. She's like 410.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's so small, she's gonna get mad if she watches it, because is 4 11, she claims.

[A]

Oh, sorry. But, I mean, it's so impressive. And it's just a goal. You're like, that is the goal.

[B]

I know. I'm so. I'm so grateful that I have, like, an example like, her to look up to.

[A]

Yes, totally.

[B]

And both my grandmas. But specifically, just since I spent the whole weekend with my grandma. I don't normally see.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was just like. It was. It was really good. Matt always tells me I'm just like her. Yeah.

[A]

In a lot of ways. You are.

[B]

Like, thanks. And I like. So anyway, it's fun. We also. It was my grandpa's birthday, the same day as Easter. So together we made a carrot cake, which was his favorite type of cake. And we, like, just talked about him as we made it. And it was really sweet and special because we were, like, thinking about something we want to do that would, like, honor him and memorialize him. But we're like. We don't want it to be sad.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, Matt was like, we could play Go, Cubs, Go. Like, which.

[A]

Was that his favorite game?

[B]

He was. It's a song. I'm sorry.

[A]

I thought it was a game.

[C]

I feel like that's fair.

[B]

Go, Cubs. And so they play at the end

[C]

of Cubs, the Cubs games if they win.

[A]

See, listen, I'm a Cardinals fan, so just don't know that one's gonna.

[B]

I could cry right now. You want me to cry right now?

[A]

No, no, stop. I thought it was a game with strength.

[B]

No, I'm gonna cry right now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My great grandpa.

[A]

Your great grandpa.

[B]

I'm going back another generation.

[A]

I didn't know you knew your great grandpa.

[B]

I come from a generation of Cub. Generations of Cub fans. Okay. And it's, like, not. It's not even, like, lighthearted. Like, it's, like, really, really serious. Serious, serious.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And I feel bad. I feel like I'm not a member of the family, because I don't care that much.

[A]

But Eddie's nodding. She's like, y.

[B]

Secondary. I secondary care a lot. You know what I mean? But I have this image of my grandpa's. My grandma's dad in the nursing home. I'm so sad thinking about this. He was hunched over, and he would watch reruns of the Cubs. This man lived to, like, upper 90s. He lived a long life. Never Saw them win a World Series.

[A]

Yeah, that's a tough one.

[B]

And they would just put. I just really wanted him to see them win a World Series. We can have a hope that he knows.

[C]

26.

[A]

He's watching from above.

[B]

I don't know. I was asking my grandma all these questions about heaven. She's like, very like. She's like, nope, that's not there. She's like. I said, I said, do you think papa can see us right now? She's like, no, no.

[A]

And he don't care.

[B]

And I was like, okay, well, I love that. That's an interesting take. It was so quick.

[A]

Thank you, grandma.

[B]

Anyway, I was like, okay, I love that. Anyway, go comes, go. And then my grandma, my grandma were like, no, that's gonna make us cry. And so we made a carrot cake instead. And we all did.

[A]

It was good. It was delicious.

[B]

Wow. That was a long one. I cried during my hope, but it was really a happy, happy hope. I love my grandma.

[A]

It's sweet.

[B]

It was fun having her visit and yeah, that's so special having like that generation. That's the perk of like my. My parents had kids pretty young, so then you still have a grandma too.

[A]

I know. My Grandma should be 93 this year.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I know. I FaceTimed her for a while yesterday. It's sad. Like, I feel like this is the first year where I've really seen her start to like, you know, she's getting slow. Like the first year I've noticed her age. Yeah. Like, I think she's been like your grandma. She just had so much energy and just so peppy and spunky. And this year I'm like, okay, yeah, girl, you're 93. And she always makes jokes about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, so it's like light hearted and funny. But yeah, she can't come out here to visit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is a bummer. But we're actually. One of my hopes was that I booked a bunch of plane tickets. One is me and Caleb's trip, like our special fun trip, which I'm sure I'll share, like later in the year. And then I'm booking a trip to go home in the summer, which I didn't get to do that last year. I know. I'm so excited to go home. Especially like St. Louis. Summer is so nostalgic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And take C.J. there and I don't know, it'll just be great because you always go in the winter and it's just not as much to do in the winter.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

So it's gonna be really fun. I'm excited.

[B]

Yeah. Fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What was your hard?

[A]

My hard? I think it was just missing my family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we've had just, like, a handful of health issues going on behind the scenes. I probably won't talk about now, but, yeah. I just feel like when you're ever. You're dealing with those things, everything's fine, but you're just like, g. The waiting, the anticipation of it is always trying to stay content in those moments can be difficult sometimes.

[B]

But there's not answers.

[A]

Totally. But, yeah, we feel good about it.

[B]

My heart is, like, a little bit lighter, but it's like, gosh, I just feel like I'm not fully present anywhere I go in my life right now. I feel like I'm just constantly thinking about, okay, what are the things I got to do and what should I think about next? Or, like, what? And then everywhere I'm at, I'm like, yeah, I'm doing a lot of things, but am I actually fully available when I'm where my two feet are anytime? And so, yeah, I don't really know how to combat that very well, actually.

[A]

Last night, Caleb put on Casey neistat, made a YouTube video talking about this.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I didn't watch the whole thing, so I can't tell you the conclusion of it, but he made a whole thing about how he feels. Like, in his day, he has four quadrants of, like, what he wants to do that's productive, what he doesn't want to do, but it's productive what he does not want to do, and it's not productive, but he does it anyway. And then so he had.

[B]

Why does that quadrant exist?

[A]

Well, it's like, scrolling or going on social media, you know, like time wasters. He was mostly talking about, like, procrastination. But, yeah, he kind of feel like that's. He talks a lot about that feeling of like, you're doing a lot and you're spinning your wheels, but nothing's getting done.

[B]

Oh, no. I feel like I'm getting a lot done.

[A]

Oh, you do think?

[B]

I just feel like I'm not, like, being a good friend. I'm not, like, being good wife, not being, like. Like, I just feel like mom guilt. Like, I'm like, not fully, like, actually where I am. Where are my fear? Like, I'm like, okay, I'm, like, having a conversation with you, but I'm like, really in the back of my head, I'm thinking about, okay, do we have X, Y, and Z set aside, like, ready for Dinner night. Or what's. What are we gonna do with about this amount of time? Or what's. How is the car? Like, just all these other random things, which I feel like that is always a thing, but it just feels like it's a really like, present issue at the time. Like I'm like, there's always. As moms, we're always multitasking, always having things going on. But right now I'm like, I feel like I can't compartmentalize. Like I need to and like be where I'm at and like, so.

[A]

Well, you guys have had so much going on. I feel like anytime you go out of town or you have upcoming trips or things planned, you're always thrown out of your routine a little bit. And when you're out of your routines, you know, you just start to feel a little like, just not as confident in what you're.

[B]

You just need to clear the deck.

[A]

Clear the deck.

[C]

Start a fragrance too, without like, you're not working out. Like you're doing your walks. But it's not the same as like going and having your phone put away. Like you actually don't have access to your phone. So you. And when you're working out at Burn, you have to be present. Like you really can't be thinking about other stuff. So. So it's like an actual set aside time rather than your walks. You have your phone. You could reply to a text, you could listen to this audiobook. You're doing the multitasking even when you're working out. Now that's a good point.

[B]

I think that's what it is.

[C]

You're missing a little bit of your typical routine there.

[B]

We'll see tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, the update on the public rest. We pray it comes to an end.

[B]

I need to work out. I need to get some rage out.

[A]

Get that rage out. That's another thing that's really exciting is our event is this weekend, which when this is posted, it have already happened. But we have not lived this event yet. And I'm so excited. Excited, yes.

[C]

We're so excited.

[A]

My cousin Diana is coming in for her baby moon and she's coming to the event. So shout out Diana. She says she listens every week, which is so sweet. Yeah. So I'm excited. It'll just be such a fun, girly morning.

[B]

I'm excited. It'll be fun.

[A]

It will be fun. We had our meeting with the trainers and we're like, let's not make it like killer hard. But I did think the workout looked pretty Hard.

[B]

We'll.

[C]

We'll do this week on if it was. Actually.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm excited. That would be a fun one.

[B]

It looks like all of our favorite exercises. Agreed.

[A]

Agreed. Well that's awesome. We do have a. Wow.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

This week.

[B]

Oh wait. We never talked about you being late to Easter dinner.

[A]

Oh, well, you know, I didn't really think that I was late.

[B]

That was my hard. I'm just kidding.

[A]

Addie just rolled her eyes.

[B]

I knew that I was late.

[A]

I sent a text. I said the Brussels sprouts are still cooking. Which now you saw my diagram. You know why I dropped all of them? They fell out of the oven.

[B]

Oh also, by the way, you thought my real. That Addie was my mom.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That was you?

[B]

Yeah. With Brielle Poutine.

[A]

Like nighttime.

[B]

No, like 3:00pm yeah.

[C]

When Brielle woke up from her nap,

[A]

it was just a flash going fast on the balcony.

[C]

One of the boys has a pink sleep sack.

[A]

Oh my gosh. That's hilarious. Melissa. Why would you. Why are we upstairs?

[B]

She was taking a nap.

[C]

She was taking a nap.

[B]

Oh. Oh, okay. Brielle's not allowed.

[A]

I thought it was your mom carrying towels.

[B]

Take it back, Brielle.

[C]

Over there.

[A]

Sorry. I take it back.

[B]

She said. Come on, Abigail.

[C]

Come on, Abigail. What the heck? There were followers who knew it was me.

[A]

Oh my gosh. I'm so out of the loop.

[B]

You're so out of the loop. Nobody.

[A]

I tried to comment a joke. I was late to Easter.

[B]

It wasn't a big deal. I was just funny because. Wait, why was it. What were we talking about?

[C]

It was funny because. What time did you show up?

[A]

5:45. 5:47.

[C]

Well, here's the funny thing is I. Blake. And I had Blake check the time arrival time so everyone knows 5pm is when dinner was.

[A]

Okay. Never got that text. I just assumed.

[B]

Love it. That's actually fair.

[A]

I never got the text. I just said I think it's five because that's when Sunday dinner normally is.

[C]

Yes. Which sometimes you preface with five is when five is dinner. We're gonna eat at 5:30. So I knew there was some wiggle room.

[B]

There's always wiggle room. I'm never gonna even out about people being late.

[A]

I was really hoping there's wiggle rooms.

[B]

There's always wiggle room.

[C]

This is the funny thing. I texted my mom when we left cuz I knew we'd be leaving slightly late. I said leaving now at 5:11. So we left our apartment at 5:11 arrival times 5pm we get there probably then at like, 5:20. And my mom pulls up and she's like, I thought it started at five. I'm like, it does. Sorry.

[B]

But I was also.

[C]

Your grandma was walking in with us. I was like, this is normal.

[B]

Yeah. No, here's the thing. As someone that's chronically late, I'm never gonna be upset about someone being late. Like, it literally doesn't bother me and. Cause I'm like, yeah. I mean, it's so. Every time is an ish. You know what I mean? But it was just funny because that was the one day I was actually on time. So I had everything prepped.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Because I was like, I'm gonna work in advance and then I'll just chill. It took until 5 o'. Clock. So that's how bad my time management is.

[A]

That was great time management, actually.

[B]

And, well, I thought I was gonna have, like, an hour of extra. Course

[A]

I thought I was good because I got there, I put my food down on the table, and then your food came out, but it was just warming. Huh.

[B]

Well, then you went to the front porch and started taking pictures.

[A]

I thought I was like, oh, they're still cooking.

[B]

The food wasn't out.

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry, everybody.

[C]

It's okay.

[B]

I ruined Easter.

[C]

I was waiting for the kids to open their Easter basket.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

Honestly, I had no idea that we were being an inconvenience.

[C]

Well, that's for the people who think we're, like, so serious. That shows you that we weren't that upset.

[A]

Abby.

[B]

Abby got home, I literally didn't care at all. I wasn't even actually hungry. So I was just like, thank God

[C]

for like, an hour.

[A]

Your grandma warned you when you guys. When you broken that brunch, she said, it's gonna be a lot of food. And you're like, I'm pregnant. I'm gonna eat it all. And then you get the dinner. Like, I can't eat.

[B]

Tummy ache. I had told you ate.

[C]

You said you felt better, though.

[B]

Better once I ate. I feel like in Cantera poisoned me from the brunch because me and Griffin both had tummy ache. Oh, that was that chocolate fountain, man.

[A]

That chocolate fountain will do. A chocolate fountain will do that.

[B]

It's cycling through something.

[A]

It's something. Yeah. There's a lot of germs in this thing.

[B]

I know. I really enjoyed it.

[A]

You enjoyed the ger. Well, the food. Easter was amazing.

[B]

Food was amazing.

[A]

And that's all that matters.

[C]

It was amazing.

[A]

Okay, that leads us into our.

[B]

Wow. Sorry. Go to the last hour ago.

[A]

It's okay. It's okay. You can call me out. I'm not upset. I'll be better next time. I was early.

[B]

I don't you have a baby.

[A]

I was on time to two things this week.

[B]

That's incredible. Yeah.

[A]

So I think I make. I think I'm making a turn.

[B]

You're on a roll.

[A]

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[B]

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[B]

Wow, that's crazy. That crazy. Talking about time management.

[A]

Yes, talking about time management. Jake Shane, he's a creator, a comedian. He came up on my for you page on TikTok and this video stopped me in my tracks. He, I guess in the past he kind of has some beef with European wax center and he had previously gone on a rant.

[B]

The whole franchise.

[A]

The whole franchise. He had gone on a rant, I guess about they have a nine minute grace period for their 15 minutes, 15 minutes appointments. And I guess he thought that the nine minute grace period was really weird. Like why not 10, you know, like nine minutes is a weird Number.

[B]

Remember it, though.

[A]

That is memorable.

[B]

That's probably why they do it.

[A]

Yes. And they can't give you, like, normally if you go to the Doctor, it's a 15 minute grace period, which I know that well.

[B]

Were you late today?

[A]

No, I'm just always. It's always. I'm always like, I have 15 minutes.

[B]

Okay, that's great.

[C]

I. I always follow their protocol that says please arrive 15 minutes early.

[A]

Never once have I gotten there. 15 minutes early paperwork today I got. I had an appointment today. I got there on time. I was just two minutes early and I was like, like crushing it.

[B]

Crushing. What am I gonna do with all this free time?

[A]

Yeah, well, I did have to do paperwork. So anyway, Jake Shane had this podcast rant about the nine minute grace period. And then him and European Wax center had like some funny beef back and forth. So European Wax center sent him a snark. Basically, like a snark coupon PR box that says, Jake Shane, VVIP member exclusive. 11 minute grace period because smooth doesn't rush. And then it has an asterisk and it says, valid for select guests who don't know how to manage their time. Grace period does not extend appointment time. Physical card must be present at checkout. They literally sent him a snark.

[B]

He has to bring this massive coupon in.

[A]

And he did it.

[B]

Did he?

[A]

Yeah, I think he did. He posted on his Instagram.

[B]

He wasn't offended, but the Internet was offended.

[A]

Yeah, I was shocked at the comments. A lot of people were mad at European Wax Center. They said that was like, mean, petty. This is two Internet minutes, two extra minutes. Yeah, it's gracious.

[B]

That's gracious.

[A]

For a 15 minute appointment, you have four minutes to get in and out.

[B]

First of all, I do think nine minutes is fair if it's a 15 minute.

[A]

Agreed. Yeah.

[B]

But as like, for me, I'm like, okay, yeah, I run late. I still have to suffer the consequences, of course, of my own lateness.

[A]

Yeah, I always do.

[B]

So if I'm too late, then here we go.

[A]

I can't get in. That's fine.

[B]

I can't get in. That's. That's on me. We talk about it. Everyone has consequences. With the kids, I'm like, adults have consequences. But I think the part about it that I can kind of see where they're like, oh, gosh. Was like, for people who can't manage their time, like, dang, that one cuts deep.

[A]

That one. I'm like, oof, that's me. Oof.

[B]

I feel that one that is rough. So he wasn't offended that other people.

[A]

It didn't seem like he was offended. I mean, he read it in a tone where he was joking, obviously. You know, he was like, they called me out sinister. They cut to the core.

[B]

People like that. Love that type of humor, though.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. I mean, we're talking about it, you

[B]

know, you know, poking fun, humor. This may be an inappropriate follow up question, but what is Jake Shan getting waxed?

[A]

What do men get waxed? I have no idea. I mean, I can imagine,

[B]

I can

[A]

imagine, but I don't want to imagine.

[B]

Eyebrows, chest.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[C]

If it's only a 15 minute appointment, it can't be for something that.

[A]

I think it's probably manscaping. But, you know, I've just never really thought much. I've gotten one wax before our wedding. Really?

[C]

Was it so painful?

[A]

No, it wasn't that. It was so painful. I was just like, I'll just never do it again. You know what I mean? You have to let your hair grow out.

[B]

I hate that.

[A]

Which that to me feels like automatically I'm out on that.

[B]

Yeah, like in the summer, you're like, oh, I have an appointment in two weeks, so I gotta let it grow.

[A]

What are you gonna do, not go to the pool? You know what I mean?

[B]

Some people would just say, let it fly. That is each their own. No, that's why I'm such a fan of laser. I've never gotten wax. I got lasered and that was such a great experience for me.

[A]

Yeah, I remember with the waxing, it wasn't the initial. Like they'd rip it off, obviously, and you're like, oh, it stings. But then they take the hot piece of paper and they go over the same spot again multiple times. And that was when I was like,

[B]

all right, that's enough.

[A]

Like a little punch, you know, get out of there.

[B]

I don't know, I don't like, I don't want to grab it out that. With lasering, you shave before you go, so.

[A]

Oh, why?

[B]

Because you, they. It'll burn you. Otherwise they're just getting the follicle.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

So it goes through your skin.

[A]

Interesting. Very interesting.

[B]

It doesn't hurt that well.

[A]

They.

[B]

When I got it done, because I got it done so long ago where I was, they didn't have like the pain free lasers, so it actually did kind of hurt, but like, not terrible. But now they have like painless experience and you can get it done. You probably have to get A lot of appointments.

[A]

Yeah. More sessions. Which. More money in their pockets. So we'll say. But is it worth it for. Yeah, no pain. Sure.

[B]

Well, it's worth it just to not have any maintenance. Like anything to do.

[A]

I know. My armpit hair grows so fast.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I got my armpits lasered once.

[A]

Yeah, that would do that. Same. Same.

[B]

And then there's no darkness either. Or razor burn.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Anyway, that's great.

[A]

I loved the snarky pr. That was the first time I've ever seen a snark prize.

[B]

I mean, if he's gonna be publicly saying stuff that they are allowed to publicly defend themselves, I think in a playful way.

[A]

Yeah. Here's the thing.

[B]

He didn't have to post that. He thought it was funny, so he posted it.

[A]

Totally agree.

[B]

You know what? I love it.

[A]

Yeah, I loved it. I loved all the waxers in the comments that were like, it really is inconvenient if you're nine minutes late for an appointment. I was like, I could see that. You know, Sets their whole day off. It does. Yeah. Like, if we're booked and busy, baby, you better be on time.

[B]

And it's also just like a time that they could have filled that slot, you know?

[A]

Exactly. So I get it.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Yeah. I thought it was. I thought it was genius marketing. Okay. Do you ever feel guilty about being late? I sure do. Moving on to mom guilt.

[B]

Good segue.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

No, actually I feel like guilt is like my common state. That's something. I feel like I'm always just like, oh, I just feel so guilty about that. But you know what? It's okay. We're. Everyone's got their things.

[A]

I used to be such a guilty kid to the point where I would guilt myself into throwing up. Like, I would feel so sick to my stomach, but with guilt that I would throw up. Happened multiple times.

[B]

My God.

[A]

Yeah, I grew out of that. But I just. Then I was. I think that like kept me doing bad things. I definitely had anxiety. I definitely had anxiety. And my anxiety always would come through as vomiting. Well, you.

[B]

I thought you also pulled out your hair.

[A]

I did, yes. As a child. Yeah. You know, there are a few things I look forwarding signs. I don't struggle with anxiety now, but. But I definitely did through like high school.

[B]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[A]

That's funny. We're past that.

[B]

Looking back on it. Yeah. I feel like mom and guilt, kind of. Unfortunately, they go hand in hand. Go hand in hand. Yeah. And we actually pulled some of you guys on our always Here, podcast, Instagram. So thank you to those of you that follow us there. If you don't already follow us there. Give us a follow and you can be a part of these episodes. It's really fun to, like, interact in that way. A whopping 93% of you guys that are moms reported having experienced mom guilt.

[A]

93%.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to talk to the seven that didn't. Honestly, I'm like, what does your lifestyle look like?

[A]

Well, I'll show this a little bit later, but I didn't really feel mom guilt when I just had cj.

[B]

Okay. Actually, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My first.

[A]

I didn't really feel it as much.

[B]

Agreed.

[A]

It's now subsequent children where I feel it more, but I'll talk about that later. So maybe. I mean, maybe they just don't feel good. Maybe they feel very confident in their decisions, which is, like, always the goal.

[B]

That was actually something I was gonna say, too, is that I do feel like you can be confident and feel guilty. Unless I'm delusional, because I feel like I do have a lot of confidence as a mom, but then I. Maybe I'm just like, also. I do also feel guilty. Maybe they can both exist. I just.

[A]

I'm the same. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And let me tell you, mom guilt can bring you to some wild places and some mental spirals, and I have surely found myself there many times. Which we will get to my personal experience in a little bit. But we asked you guys, what is the wildest thing mom guilt has led you to believe? And we got a lot of funny responses. And I'm saying funny. It's obviously like, it probably wasn't funny for you at the time. I know how real it feels in that moment.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But in hindsight, reflecting on. You're like, oh, that was.

[A]

That was just anxiety.

[B]

That was not.

[A]

That was guilt.

[B]

And you know what? Sometimes you meet other moms, be like, hey, by the way, that's not on you. That was gonna happen regardless. Or like, this is something that's outside of your control. Your kids, like, things happen, and it's not actually always your fault. Shocker.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Shocker. Shocker.

[A]

Who would have thought?

[B]

You wanna read some of them?

[A]

Natalie said that my breast milk is ruining my baby's organs. Turns out she just has a dairy allergy. That's a real one. Like, when you're breastfeeding and nursing and you don't know why your kid is upset or uncomfortable or in pain, it does feel like it's your fault.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you're the one they're only eating what you're giving them. I mean, I get.

[B]

I get when you give it to them. Right, right. Like how you're giving it to them.

[A]

Exactly. There's a lot of. A lot of stress around that.

[B]

This one just says Belle's grace says that I was demon possessed.

[A]

That's what her mom guilt made her believe.

[B]

I need more to that story rebuke

[A]

that we reviewed that Sydney said, my little boy has a speech delay because I let him have light up toys as a baby. Why do I feel that? I'm like, oh, if I give my kid toys that are over stimulating, they're gonna have adhd. You know, I feel like there's so

[B]

many milestone mom guilt thing. Like so many. So much mom guilt associated with baby milestones.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're like, oh, they're not doing this because I didn't do something. And it's like, probably honestly, let's blame marketing on some of that. I was gonna say it's marketing marketing because they're like, oh, this toy helps with this or these contrast cards.

[A]

This.

[B]

It's like, sure, I'm sure it helps these things, but like, babies are gonna develop and the way that they're gonna develop and like, not because you use this toy versus this toy or you didn't use toys or you like so many of those. Actually, you. This past weekend, what was it?

[A]

Oh, yeah, with Vivian, like sitting up.

[B]

You're like, she's not sitting up because I didn't.

[A]

I'm not giving her enough attention.

[B]

Yeah. And I was like, but you didn't say it as a joke. Like she said it for her.

[A]

And I was like, I wonder if I'm just not giving her enough attention

[C]

aside to me. I'm like, you think I'm giving Brielle more attention than you're giving to Vivian? There's no way. I'm like, you are such a good mom. There's no. Don't compare it to the time spent, cuz I'm sure it's more.

[A]

That's sweet. That's sweet. It is. It just. It's crazy how our minds go there.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You know?

[C]

Yeah. Especially when you have kids close together. Close in age too. It's like really easy.

[A]

And it's crazy how much a month is different because for context, Addie's daughter Brielle is a month older to the dot than Vivian. And so it's so fun seeing Brielle's milestones because I'm like, oh, that's what I'D love to look forward to it next month. That's what's coming. Like, it's been so fun to watch. And then sometimes then I'm like, oh, my gosh. Maybe she's like, she's not sitting up because I'm not practicing her sitting up as much, you know, or. And I just had immediately the guilt

[C]

before Brielle one time, and I was

[A]

like, so babies that are gonna do their own thing and I have to remind myself that. So thank you ladies for reminding me

[B]

that Cecilia says that letting my 9 month old play independently is ignoring him and bad for him all the time.

[A]

I remember feeling that with C.J. because he loves independent play. And so I was like, I think I'm just a bad mom ignoring him. Like, he just was so content.

[B]

He's just having fun.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

Leave him alone.

[A]

Anna said if I left a drop of water in a bottle from washing, it could kill my baby. That's real. A lot of what do you remember

[C]

one time we were sitting in this room before, it was this room, and Blake was warming up Braille's bottle, and he accidentally, like, dropped, like he had the lid off, measuring the temperature of it. And he dropped it in. And he came in, he's like, it might have gotten a little water. I'm like, look it up. You looked it up. You're like, it's okay.

[A]

Yeah, but I think he's fine.

[C]

It got water.

[B]

It is.

[A]

They were like, don't give water to your babies.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So they get a drop.

[B]

You're like, think about how much water is in your breast milk. Yeah, it's like 80.

[A]

I know, but no one talks about that.

[C]

No one talks about that.

[A]

They just say, don't give them water.

[B]

Okay. Wow.

[C]

Drown them. No. I don't know how it works.

[B]

This person says, I thought I was gonna get CPS called on me because I couldn't breastfeed my firstborn. Not cps, that is. You're going far down the spiral. Oh, my God, ma'. Am.

[A]

Because you couldn't breastfeed my firstborn. Oh, that mom guild will get you.

[B]

The breastfeeding will bring you to.

[A]

It'll bring it to your knees. Because I work from home and can't spend every minute with my toddler. She isn't as smart or loved.

[B]

So much guilt associated with working as a mom.

[A]

It is. That's probably most of it for me. I feel like same Lindsay said, if I don't enjoy every moment, I'm ungrateful.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. I do. That I tell Matt, I'm like, what would you do for one hour of one year old Griffin time back? Or like three year old Griffin gonna cry right now? Cause I'm like, oh, don't turn on a show. We're not playing that. We're having fun or. Yeah, that'll get you. This one says, I thought that if I didn't breastfeed my baby straight from my breast, he wouldn't know what love was. Some people do be kind of saying that though.

[A]

They do, dude. I have so, like, I, like, I'm all. I. I agree with breastfeeding. I love it. But the propaganda against moms, I'm like, here's.

[B]

Let me. I have to tell you something. I had to ask my mom how I was fed because guess first I loved my mom.

[A]

Yeah, I was great.

[B]

I was formula fed. I had no clue because you know what? Oh, there comes a point. It doesn't really.

[A]

I know. I'm like, I get it. Like, the, the benefits are clear, you know, between formula.

[B]

Yeah, do it if you can, but

[A]

if you can't, it's like, why are we making people feel so horrible about it?

[B]

Gotta stop that.

[A]

We've gotta stop. It's just propaganda.

[B]

Some people really think breast milk can cure cancer.

[A]

I know.

[B]

World peace.

[A]

I know. Like, I tried putting it on some of my skin rashes and I still had a rash.

[B]

No, it's because mostly water

[A]

we're gonna

[B]

get come from in the comic. I'm not doing it.

[A]

We are gonna get comfort.

[B]

No, it's great. I do it. We do it. We do it. I actually kill myself to do it. Yeah, we actually are dying inside. I cry, like, literally die to do it.

[A]

If I. Yeah, I get it, I get it.

[B]

I will continue to do it. But also, we need to stop at any cost.

[A]

Matt's like begging you. He's like, please.

[B]

He's like, please. You're going insane. You're not okay. You're like, get back this in your mouth. Okay. Lindsay says if they watch tv, I'm failing slash ruining them.

[A]

I probably believe that a little bit. I know it's not true, Alicia. That letting my baby cry it out will cause autism.

[B]

Oh, wow. I've never even heard that one.

[A]

I mean, your guilt will lead you to believe anything. It's true. I thought one extra minute of sleep would ruin my baby's entire sleep schedule.

[C]

I mean, I sometimes feel that way. I'm like, I gotta get her up.

[A]

Right?

[C]

Two hours. No minutes.

[A]

More schedule.

[B]

60 seconds, man.

[A]

I know that'll get you.

[B]

Allie says, I lost my patience one time today, and now I've caused lifelong emotional damage.

[A]

That one's so real, because I'm like. I feel like the things that could potentially cause lifelong emotional damage are just things that you're not even thinking about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm like. I feel like it's gonna. I think I heard this in a sermon, and this pastor was like, we're all gonna eventually have a conversation with our kids where they're gonna sit us down and be like, these are the things that you did wrong. And I know. I was like, oh, it's so dark. And obviously, that's not, like, our goal. Like, we're actively trying to not cause those things, but then it's like, in those moments, we have to. We have to learn how to, like, be humble and, like, learn how to take it. Anyway, it was just. It was really good. I was like, man, that's just so true.

[B]

Done that to my parents.

[A]

I feel like me and my sisters have processed a lot with our childhood, but we've had such blessed childhoods.

[B]

Yeah. I can't really think of it. It's not like anything comes at the top of my mind. Mm. This one's because my daughter is adopted. I'll never fully fill the void like her biological mom could. That one's really. You should actually probably see that seems really deep, and probably. I'm sure there's a lot of other moms that you could find community with that maybe relate or feel the same way or can actually kind of speak into that, because that's. That's a tough one to carry.

[A]

Yes. And it's not true, and it's just not heavy. Yeah. You got to work through that one. Honestly, mom guilt makes me believe that I am the only one that can do anything for him.

[B]

That can happen.

[A]

I feel like I've experienced that a lot in the newborn stage when a lot of it does fall on me. And then I'm like, I have to actively fight against it. I'm like, kilb is an amazing dad. He just does things differently than me. They're not wrong. They're just different. And I had to learn to, like, just shut up and, like, let it be.

[B]

Well, Matt would, like, always ask me, and I, like, kind of. We kind of got in that, like, pattern because he's like, I want to do it the way you want me to do it. And then I was like, yeah, that's my way is the only way. And then finally, I was like, no, you're fully Capable. You can make these. You're the parent. Same like. And so you can kind of fall into that pattern where it's like. Or if you're like, hey, that's not right the right way. It's like, it can be a back and forth that totally, like spirals. Agreed that it's a burden for anyone besides myself to watch my. My child.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I've. I think I've experienced some of that too. That I failed because my baby chose a bottle over me when I went back to work. Oh, you didn't fail.

[B]

That is not true. That I wasn't a good mom and I should give my daughter up for adoption.

[A]

Major postpartum depression. I was fine. That was something that. Right before I had cj, a woman looked at me and she was like, hey, I just want you know that you could potentially have really crazy thoughts postpartum. And I just want you to know that they're not true and you're not crazy if that happens and you just need to tell someone about it. And she started telling me some of the thoughts that she had that were like. That plagued her when she was postpartum. And they were just, like, really wild things. But her being so vulnerable and honest with me really prepared me well. And thankfully, I didn't experience anything like that. But if you don't have someone that tells you that that could happen postpartum with your hormones and everything, a hundred percent. Those thoughts could, like, drive you to feeling guilty.

[B]

100%. I mean, even postpartum psychosis can. Like, there's some. Like, it's not the norm, but it's, like, good to know those things. So you can be like, okay. Because also, it's an isolating time.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You don't have a lot of people in your life at that time. They're like, hey, by the way, that's not right. Or you're not just, like, having girl chat a lot. So it's hard to. It's good to know it in advance because you're like, it could easily spiral out of control on your own. Definitely that my little infant no longer loved me because I started working so many works is my literal infant.

[A]

It's like, they have no idea time. Like, frame of reference for time.

[B]

They're asleep.

[A]

They're like little dogs at that point. They have no idea. Freshly postpartum. I cried if I didn't take a pic of my baby every day. Why? I don't even know, actually.

[B]

That unlocked something for me. I so typey. Okay. I guess apparently I never was the mom that was able to get, like, even during my pregnancies, like, weekly bump shots. And then it carried in massively into monthly photos of my kids. I know you got them up real. And I tried. Both times. I was like, this time, I'm gonna do it. And I have the pillow and everything. The blanket never happened. And I was so mad. I do still carry guilt about that.

[A]

Really? Yeah. Well, I'll tell you something. I took monthly bump shops with Vivian, and guess what? I have nothing to do with them. I don't know where to put them.

[B]

I don't think the bump shots matter as much. I want the pictures of my kids, but I'm, like, sure.

[C]

I've been doing the pictures of Brielle. I stopped at, like, two months doing it with, like, anything specific. Like, I had, like, a little plaque that had the month. I stopped doing that because then that was too much pressure. I was like, oh, if it's not on the right day. I was like, just around. Yeah, look at me. I'm so flexible, baby.

[B]

No, that's a good thing to have.

[A]

It's so funny. I remember some of the months I would forget to take the bump picture. So then the next one, like, let me just suck the bump in a little bit. Month six and then week seven.

[B]

Crazy.

[C]

I did weekly bump Polaroids, but I don't think I have weeks, like, 32 through 36.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

You did weekly. That was a problem. That's kind of cool.

[C]

I shouldn't. It was fun, but I was like, I shouldn't have done it, because then I was just. Just what I did is I had all the extra things, so I had, like, a sign, and then that. That just gets overwhelming. And I wore the same outfit rather than just being like, take the picture.

[A]

Right, the picture.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Take the picture. It's hard. Hard to produce. Hard to produce this.

[C]

I feel that one of, like, not sending enough pictures to my family. That's why we take daily pictures is because. So that I could send them to my family. And I stopped doing that and then felt guilty for not doing that.

[A]

Oh, that's a real one, Addie. It's real. Being on my phone will give my baby brain cancer. Because emfs.

[B]

What?

[C]

What is emfs?

[A]

I don't know. Oh, electromagnetic field.

[B]

Yeah. Like, radio waves.

[C]

Isn't there so much in our house?

[B]

There's so much where, like, I have my phone next to my lap, and I'm like, Not like. Yeah, Literally, I put it here.

[C]

I put it in my Bra. Sometimes I'm like, nope.

[A]

Gotta move it out of there, baby.

[C]

Can't put it.

[B]

Can't get me over here. Can't get me.

[A]

Em. Yeah, no, that's hard.

[B]

That's a hard one. Oh, this one says, I was making my child sad for going on walks because he couldn't see me.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Oh, I. That's. I didn't understand it. Now I understand.

[B]

New guilt unlocked.

[A]

Yeah, my kids will think I regret them because my husband and I went on a date night. Oh, my kids would think I regret them. Oh, that's people.

[B]

People will tell you those type of things.

[A]

They do.

[B]

They will actually tell you those things.

[A]

The Internet's crazy. They're like, you should never leave your baby in the first year.

[B]

And you're like, that's 365 days, sweetheart.

[A]

It's okay if I go on a date.

[B]

They're fine. I need to make all food from scratch.

[A]

Yeah, I believed that for five seconds.

[B]

That's all you.

[A]

I felt guilty. But then CJ Just continuously gagged on what I made him, and I was like, you know, I don't feel guilty.

[B]

He wants the process.

[A]

He doesn't want this.

[B]

Screen time equals therapy. Bill, later. Not therapy. Oh, I had so much screen time growing up.

[A]

I was.

[B]

I am in therapy.

[A]

I asked my.

[B]

Yeah, wait a minute.

[A]

Baby got bit by a mosquito. Panicked, searched Reddit for three hours, convinced I let my baby get Zika virus. Husband found me sobbing in the closet.

[B]

Don't go. Okay, if you're worried about it, Reddit should be the last. Don't even. Don't Reddit it. Dang it. Oh, I'm glad your husband was able to intervene there.

[A]

Me too. Thank you, Shopify, for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Episode.

[B]

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[A]

I can confirm that sound is beautiful. Kill is crazy.

[B]

Killed is really crazy.

[A]

It is crazy. And it's. We all have these stories of seriously taking us to dark thoughts, deep thoughts. And I feel like, do you feel guilt and anxiety kind of go hand in hand. Are they the same thing? Because a lot of some of these,

[B]

what it's about, like, anxiety is like diagnosable. You know, I'm like, I don't know if you could diagnose me with guilt.

[A]

Like anxious thoughts from. Or does anxiety cause guilt? Maybe more so.

[B]

I don't know. I. So like, John Deloney has described guilt as like, basically your body's. I'm not gonna do this justice. And this is just how I'm regurgitating it. But like your body's like warning signal that you've like violated your own moral, like your own morals.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so it's like in that instance, it's not always bad. Right. Like, so sometimes let me. So I can tell you some of my mombilts where I'm like, okay, that is actually kind of a good little flag for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, if I'm on my phone a lot in front of my kids and I'll be like, guilty, guilty, guilty. They're seeing me like looking down at a screen. I'm like, hey, that's actually a good flag for me. Like, I don't want to be on my phone a lot around the kids. Totally. So, like, thank you. Guilt. That one I could. I'm gonna.

[A]

It's a good one.

[B]

It's a good one. Like, there's a time and a place for me to use my phone. Not Saying I never use my phone around my kids, but especially if I'm just like, doing something that's not. Not necessary, or texting someone, I'm like, okay, put it, put it down.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Or like, things like that. But then there's other times where it's like, okay, this is going off. We can look at it and be like, is this something that I need to modify my life around and like, believe this? Or is it like, hey, I need someone to speak into this and be like, it's not. That's not on you. This isn't. This isn't. This isn't real. This is lying to you. It's kind of like feeling in a way.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Sure, I think. Okay. So for my personal experience, you kind of touched on this. The guilt came in so hot and heavy by the time I had my second kid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So this is where I'm actually now worried down the line. Does it get worse with each child? Each child.

[A]

Well, you can let us know, buy it.

[B]

Or maybe it's just like, okay, we've already cracked the multiples thing and it's like, now it's about the same.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

But yeah, the multiples is where the mom guilt really came in. I mean, for so many reasons. The first time I remember feeling it, like, honestly, like, in a way that like, took my bro. Like, I was like, crying was when, like, Griffin was about, I'm gonna cry again. I'm not even that sad about it anymore. I worked through it. Griffin's about to turn one. I'm putting him down to bed. You guys were at our house, actually, you probably remember this. And I was about. I was one month away from having Augie. Yeah. And I was like, I have just given up all my moments of just me and you. Like, there was so much guilt associated with having my second kid. Even though, like, Matt and I always say, like, light heartedly together, like, the best thing we've ever done for them is like, give them each other. Because they just play so well. They have so much fun together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But like, in that moment, I literally was like, I just rushed this so much to the point where, like, Griffin got like, no time alone with me. Then I had Augie and I'm like, augie never got us alone with him. And that just made it like. I remember just being like, what do I. I never. I don't even know you as an individual because I'm always having you two together. And that created more guilt. And then I was like, I'm never playing with you guys. Separately, yeah. Like, I would try to, but then someone else would need something. You're getting pulled in so many different ways as soon as you have more than one kid. Right. So that's where guilt started to really spiral for me, personally. How do you feel? Outspit.

[A]

I mean, the minute Vivian was born and we went home, CJ got hand, foot, mouth. And that week was so sad to me. Like, I remember I would cry a lot talking about this for a good period of time after it happened, because I just. I remember CJ's face so vividly when he was trying to come near me to, like. Like, be close to mom and see his sister. And I was like, you can't touch me, buddy. Like, you can't touch the baby. Because I was so scared of getting sick and her getting sick and just the look of deeper on his face. I had never seen that before. And I just felt so guilty. So, so, so guilty. I was like, this is horrible. Like, he's so excited. It just wants to be sweet and tender. And here I am, like, shoving him away. So he's losing his mom at this, like, big transition. So that was the first time I remember I just sat on the couch and just sobbed, and Caleb just rubbed my back and was like, I'm sorry. This is so hard. And then I think for those first two months, I had so much guilt. I think this is when I talk about my feeling humbled in those first seasons of going from one to two was that I just truly felt like I could not take care of both of them. And I felt so guilty. Like, I was like, how can I not take care of my own kids by myself? I just carried so much guilt. Like, I should be able to do this. I should be. You know what I mean? And that those feelings were really, like, oof. That was the first time I felt, like, gripped by guilt.

[B]

And I felt that, too. Seriously. I was like, I'm so inadequate. Like, I'm supposed to meet their every single need independently. And that's just not true. No, but it's just even saying that feels scary to even say, because there's just, like, so much dialogue around, like, moms being, like, the ultimate superheroes. And I truly believe that moms make it happen.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

But I think there's, like, there's, you know, there's a good side to that where it's like, okay, this is confidence building that you are made for this role. You can do this. Like, you will make it happen. You will show up for your kids, and you'll meet their needs. But then this darker side of it where it's like, okay, well, you're actually not perfect. So, like, there's times where it's like. And also there's no need to do it, like, all by yourself.

[A]

I think about that a lot. I'm like, oh, how beautiful it is that my kids get to be loved by other people and not just from me. Like, they get to feel the love and attention and being taken care of by their grandmas, by their grandpas, by his aunts and, you know, and it's just in his uncles. It's like, it's such a sweet, beautiful thing to have other people come alongside you and, like, love on your children and help take care of them, too. And so, yeah, that would almost be selfish to expect myself and, like, only want me to be the one that's. That's fully caregiving to them.

[B]

They get so excited to see their grandparents, their cousins, their aunts and uncles, like. And so, yeah, that's a good point to make, too, because it's like, there's a part of it where you're like, okay, well, actually, they want to.

[A]

They want these other people.

[B]

They want other people. Just, like, you want community and you want other friends, and you want to get out and do things.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

And so, like, there's a level to that as well. I don't know if you read the other type of major mom guilt I feel and still struggle with, but I feel like I've made a lot of progress in Is being a mom and also having work, like, having that responsibility.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

So there's so many sides to that guilt. It gets so layered. I'm actually. This is something that I talk about, like, in therapy sometimes, because I'm just like. It's been hard to navigate because I'm like, how do I just. I feel like anytime that I'm away from my kids, like, I want it to be, like, super justified. Like, I feel like I have to go through all these hoops and jumps, and, like, even then, I have to just continue to remind myself, like, it's okay, it's okay, it's okay. It's okay. And it would get super bad with work, specifically because I think that I was lacking confidence in my work. That was resulting in, like, a confusion for my. So let me explain this. So I heard this from Sadie Robertson, who heard it from Dr. Amen, and it sticks with me because. And I've actually revisited this because I'm like, this is a good reminder to continuously have so, like, from Working moms, he said. And I'm Once again, refer to them because they're going to say it so much more profoundly. But it was something along the lines of, guilty moms create confused children.

[A]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[B]

So, like, if I. When I'm, like, around the kid, like, I'm like, oh, I'm, like, making all these. I'm just gonna sneak away, like, do this, like, kind of multitasking, not being clear or confident about what I'm doing or, like, what I feel called to do in my life. Then they're just kind of like, my mom's leaving me. Why?

[A]

And also, she feels weird about it.

[B]

She feels weird about it. So I feel weird about it. Like, it kind of creates. And they're gonna. They could explain this a lot better. But I feel like that for some reason, that, like, triggered something in me to learn to talk about my work differently, which then made me feel differently about my work and then made my kids feel differently about my work. So I think there's an age for this where, like, there. Where it's appropriate. But, like, I used to, like, literally be afraid to tell kids. They're like, well, why are we. Like, why is they call my mom honey? They're like, why is honey coming over? I'm like, well, because Mommy has. Like, I would be like, well, because she's gonna play with you. And, like, they're gonna. You're gonna do really fun things, and you're gonna nap most of the time, but then you're gonna wake up and you're gonna play with her, and she's gonna be sad. And I was like, like, okay, like. And so then I'm like, well, now I'm like, mommy has to work. I said, do you know why we work? Do you know why, like, why adults work and grownups work? And so we have a conversation of, like, why we work, why it's important to work hard. And then, like, I feel like I could expand upon this as I get older. It's, like, why I feel called to my specific work and, like, kind of, like, build that out. It's also good for me to hear saying to my kids, yeah. And so now I have seen a change, like, in myself, but also in, like, with my kids. So now they know that, like, mom works, and for some reason that them knowing that, it felt like a secret before. And I think that's the thing, too, about working from home that has that extra layer. Like, you kind of feel like you

[A]

can, like, yeah, you can do both, right?

[B]

You can Sneak it. And so now they know that mom works and that I feel like also they see me in a way. It's like, oh, mom contributes to the household in this way. Not that you can't contribute to the household in other ways, too, but, like, knowing that mom and dad are team in the household and, like, in bringing in the money like that, like, funds our lifestyle. And we, like, talk about why we work and why it's good to have a good work ethic. And, like, having these conversations has really helped in turn so many other benefits. But in turn, it helped with my own guilt.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And that was just, like, a really wordy way of saying that I'm like, hope that made sense.

[A]

Yeah, it made a lot of sense.

[B]

But now they tell me. And so we had a conversation. This is, like, my infamous story I've told about my son a lot, because I thought it was really funny, because once I started making these changes, I think he started to think about, like, work, what people do for work. A lot. We talk about it sometimes, like, careers.

[C]

And.

[B]

And the other day, he wanted something. This was a couple months back. And I was like, hey, you know, we gotta have a conversation about, like, things cost money. And, like, we have to. You know, it's not like there's an endless supply of everything. Because I would always tell them, like, if they broke a toy, I was like, no big deal. We'll get another one. And I was like, well, wait a minute. Like, there's not. That's not life. There's not an endless supply of everything for anyone at any time. So, of course, like, mistakes happen, and we're not gonna make you feel bad about them. But, like, I don't know that I needed to teach him that there's, like, a infinite supply of everything.

[A]

He still need to take care of our things.

[B]

Yeah, we still. There's a layer to that. And so then he told me one day in the car, like, a little while later, this was related to going to Disney World. And he was like, mom, I need a camera and a pewter. And I was like, why, buddy? Like, first of all, I couldn't figure out what he was saying, because when he says camera, it sounds like grandma.

[A]

I was like, grandma and a pewter computer.

[B]

And I was like, what do you need? And then in his head, that was work. He wanted to do, like, a camera and have a computer so he could work and get something that he wanted. And it was a really. Addie was like, trying to book him for photos.

[C]

Yeah. I was like, you have A little camera, right? Oh, if you take pictures of me, I'll give you $5. He goes, Three.

[A]

Oh, what a good negotiator. He gave you the family discount.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Friends and family.

[C]

And I didn't bring it up because he forgot to bring his camera. So I was like, like, I'm not gonna.

[B]

His camera has since broken, so.

[A]

It has since broken.

[B]

And I'm actually sad about it because all of his little pictures on it.

[A]

So cute.

[B]

They're probably gone.

[A]

They're gone.

[B]

That thing is broken.

[A]

That's hard.

[B]

Anyway, all that to say it opened up a lot of like. I have always told myself I want to be honest when I talk to my kids about things. Like when we talk about food, I'm like, oh, you can't have that food because it's a choking hazard, right? And then he literally took it, the bag of suckers. To the employee at the Dollar tree. He's like, this, a choking hazard. And I was like. So like I always. And I'm like, you can't have this because it has alcohol. You can't have this. Cuz I've always like wanted to be honest. I was like, why was I tiptoeing around this subject so much? And it was because of my own guilt around doing something that I should not feel guilt for sure. But there is just like this whole thing.

[A]

Totally you.

[B]

I'll let you.

[A]

I feel like it makes a lot of sense hearing you say that because I think outside of moms or mothering or anything, anytime that there's not clarity, it is confusing. You think about dating like you want to have clear expectations and boundaries and marriage, you know, so that makes a lot of sense. Hearing you talk about the confused children part, I think that was the part of the quote that I always was like, I guess I just didn't understand. So that makes a lot of sense and it resonates a lot. I feel like for me, this area is something that I'm before with cj, I could always fit my work in his. He took a really long. He would take a four hour nap.

[B]

Crazy. It's a nice rest.

[A]

He did that for like 18 months. So I would just work in his nap, you know, it was really, really easy. Well now obviously he's getting older and now we have Vivian into the bat, the juggling. I couldn't just fit it in these nice little neat hours where he was away and I was alone and could focus and do these things and he wouldn't see it. Well, now it's like okay. We've talked a lot about this, having to put in systems into place, and it's been way better now that I'm like, hey, it's Monday, so it's a work day for Mom. Like, grandma's gonna come over and play, and Wednesdays are my work days, and if I don't say it confused, I under. He is also not confused. And he doesn't ask. Like, he'll be like, mom, are you working right now? And he's also, like, he's respectful of that time. Like, he's not. It's not like he's at my leg begging me to play when I'm like, hold on, buddy, just let me do this on my phone one second. Like, I'm so sorry. I'm coming. It's like he has these clear boundaries, too, and knows what to expect. And I feel like that has been a real game changer in her house, is just having the expectations. So you've. You've helped a lot and, like, helping me navigate and figuring those things out, because I think at first it is really hard to figure out what is going to work for you and what's not. And I had a lot of guilt around that of, like, I'm failing and I don't know how to set these. I don't know what's going to work and what's not going to work. And I don't know. It's all confusing and it's hard, and I feel like a lot of it is trial and error, specifically in this area of work and schedules. But, yeah, definitely guilt there.

[B]

For what it's worth, at the beginning, guilt was making me, like, like, not ask for help because I was like, I'm just gonna multitask this whole thing, and I'm gonna be 100 mom and 100 work. And that's gonna. That's naturally gonna work, of course. And then, no, of course it didn't work. Like, that made me guilty in a different way, because then I was, like, on my phone or doing things when I was like, okay. They're looking at me like, why is she always on this device? They have no idea what I'm doing.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

I'm certainly not telling them that I'm working because that felt shameful. Like, and so having those, like, clear boundaries of, like, okay, 1 to 5, Monday through Fridays, Mommy's work hours. You're still going to be with, like, someone. You're still in the same house as me, for heaven's sake. Like, you're literally still. You're like 10ft from me, you get. You come in a lot, like. And so, like, they know that I'm here, but then, yeah, having those, like, boundaries and like, those parts of my mind also just made, in turn, made my work so much better. Because then I was like, okay, now this is go time. This gets 100% of me right now. And then as soon as it hits five, this, you guys will get 100% of me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so it just created so much more confidence in both areas and counteracted guilt in both areas. So much. And now. And that was a process because I would tell you it probably took like 18 months of having two. Two kids. So.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I had already had a kid before that, so I was like, I was just feeling confused all the time. So, yeah. So much with work, I mean, we

[A]

all go through it and ultimately it makes us stronger, better, more equipped, and more resilient women, you know, it's like we have to figure things out and we want to do what's best for our family. And so, like, having to navigate how do we do this in a way that's going to set our kids up for success for first and foremost, like, you know, it's like, we're gonna do what we can. And in the end, on the other side of it, once we figure it out, like you're saying, we do all come out confident, more clear, and like, it's. You feel more loved. Like, if I even felt this with Caleb, if he's working in the kitchen and I'm in there cooking, I'm like, hey, don't work here because I want to talk to you and hang out with you. Yes. But you're focused on work. And, like, I want you to just go in the bedroom and close the door and be out of here. Yeah. So that I'm not like, oh, he's not listening to me or whatever. And it's the same way with our, you know, our family.

[B]

That's a really good parallel because I feel that way too, where I'm like,

[A]

okay, well, just get out of here.

[B]

Just get out and do it and then come back and then, like, give

[A]

us your full attention. Yeah, it's like, really just what our family wants is our full attention.

[C]

I just implemented a new thing actually starting this week because obviously the work and the mom guilt side of it and having an almost eight month old, so she's demanding more of my attention. And she's a mom's girl. Like, she just loves me. She loves her mama all the time. And so I. And on the side of it, of budget friendly situations too, when you're working full time and from home and not wanting to spend a bunch of money on sitters and nannying and daycare and all the things. We are having a sitter come on Tuesdays and Thursdays during her wake window in the middle of the day. So from 12 to 3 when she's awake and that's like the middle of my workday. I was having to like do both. And just the thought, we actually have just had a different schedule this week. But just the thought of knowing I'm gonna have someone to watch Brielle those days. My Sunday nights are so much nicer. I'm not so anxious about coming to work on Monday because of these things. Or it's scheduling time even just for the different things we do. It's like, okay, they know I'm available these times to come. Do things in person. Like it just you working from 1 to 5 makes a clear expectation that if I text you before then, I'm never expecting a response. It's just clear expectations with your team, which is like cool too, if you're

[A]

able to do that.

[C]

So especially with having a sitter during their nap time, it just stinks. You're like, I don't need someone here. And so having someone during the wake window has been really helpful.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good tip. And hearing you say that, it's like, I think we've talked about this, but everyone thrives in routine and kids thrive in routine. And obviously there's like flexibility within the routines.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But also within traditions. And so it's like, okay, okay, we know. I think that's like the positive parallel of like the routine. But okay, we know Tuesdays and Thursdays, mom can just jam pack what she needs to get done on those days. And it could be really effective, really efficient. But then on the same time, it's like your kids kind of have the same expectation and then you can have. I think we're trying, trying to implement more tradition and it's like that's going to counteract some of the harder things that maybe they don't want to do. It's like what they're really going to remember is pizza night and like the fun things and family dinners and, you know, every morning we'll go. These days we go to the park, whatever, you know, it's like those are the things they're gonna remember. Not really. More so that like mom had a babysitter for three hours during the day on Tuesdays.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No, yeah, seriously. And some of this stuff can really last a long time, this guilt. So we actually had, in preparation for this episode, had planned to, like, ask our own moms about mom guilt and their experience with it. I accidentally made my mom cry, really immediately. And I knew it was gonna. I knew what her guilt was. She feel much guilt about putting me. She worked full time with me. Like, I think she had six weeks leave after having me, and then same with my brother. She had, like, over summer break, so she had, like, a little more time. But then, I mean, it was back to, like, regular with us as like, infants. And so she has so much guilt about that still to this day. And it's like, I hate that she carries that. And I just. They call it, like, what is it? The great American Mom Work dilemma, crisis guilt crisis guilt train or whatever. But basically, like, you work, you feel guilty. You don't work, you feel guilty. Like, there's just. There's no way around it. And, like, unfortunately, like, I'm like, mom, I didn't realize you still felt this way. She was like, yeah, I still do it. And I said, what made it feel better? She's like, no, I still feel so guilty. And. And then I was. She was saying, but once I was in school, then she, like, knew that I was, like, where other kids were. I guess, like, even moms that stayed home, like, bring their kids to school.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so it was on the same.

[A]

You're on now. On the same playing field with all the other kids.

[B]

Right. And then she chose to be a teacher because she'd have the same schedule as us when we were in school.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she was ultimately still making, like, a sacrificial decision. Like, she made her career option based on one that would still revolve around, like, her children's lifestyle, essentially. Because, like, she was actually even my third grade teacher in school.

[A]

I'm surprised they allowed that. Third grade, man, it's so sweet.

[B]

Yeah, no, it was really sweet, and I loved it. And I feel like every kid would be different and probably would have been different if I was any older than third grade. But, like, we loved it. Blake was in my mom's class. I don't think it worked out as great.

[C]

Probably not. Surely not.

[A]

He's more disruptive.

[B]

He took, like, a little bit more.

[A]

Liberty. Liberty. He's like, telling your mom, no. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

He probably wasn't disruptive, but he was probably, like. He was definitely probably calling her mom

[A]

and not, oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, I called her mom. Everyone called her mom.

[A]

How'd that work with homework? With your mom to help you?

[B]

I mean, third grade.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[B]

I don't even remember. I actually probably did it.

[A]

Did you get homework? I guess maybe fourth.

[B]

They gave you homework, but I don't think it's very serious. Serious?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

She grades, papers. You do.

[B]

I love school. I was like, please, let me just do it again.

[A]

Can I do extra credit?

[B]

Yeah, seriously.

[A]

I was like, that kid.

[B]

That was that kid.

[A]

I actually was too in element. I loved. I loved it too. It was so fun.

[B]

It was my culture. So, like, she still. And I was like, mom. And then the other kind of guilt that my mom carried a lot, which I did not realize was financial guilt. Like, she was like, I feel bad that we weren't able to, like, afford certain things for you. And I was like, mom, I had no idea that you felt that way. And I said, I. I literally wanted for nothing. And guilt is one of those things where it's like, I feel like I'm like. As much as I tell her that I didn't, like, I didn't even realize what we were lacking or like, that we were. I didn't think about. I didn't compare my situation or what we had to other people at all. I feel like I could say that as much as I. As often as I can, and she still wouldn't. It wouldn't. That's the thing about guilt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, it's like it's an internal thing that you can't. That you have to resolve within yourself. And that's. So that's. That's.

[A]

That's deep.

[B]

That's deep right there.

[A]

That's some deep stuff. My mom's was actually. I mean, I. She gave some good examples that were outside of. I feel like work is such a common one that most. I think most people probably feel. My mom said that she felt. She feels guilty that she put so much pressure on us to, like, look perfect for holidays and get the. You know, she made such a big deal about, like, creating the perfect image around these, like, specifically, she said holidays. But some of these big life moment things, which I think a lot of us can. I think a lot of us experience that, like, when to get the perfect pictures that we had the perfect memory of the perfect day. And that's like a pressure that we put on ourselves. And then it's easy to feel guilty if that doesn't happen. And she feels bad that she act like that, that she had Those expectations. She's like, I wish I would have just like, chilled and just enjoyed those moments more.

[B]

That's a good call out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was to, like, pay special attention to that.

[A]

Yes. And then the second one, which this I thought was interesting. She said, seeing what you cook for your kids and like, what you guys all make, sometimes I feel guilty that I would just make you boiled noodles with parmesan cheese and cake 90s. And I was like, mom, that really sweet. But now she's like, in retrospect, having guilt. Oh. You know, like. But I like, it's comparison, but I'm like, mom, I literally made frozen chicken nuggets for CJ for like six months. So it's not like we're doing any different, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So.

[A]

And I'm like, we still love parmesan cheese and noodles. So I actually am grateful for the idea. But yeah, it's just like it never stops. Kind of is how we're talking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was really grateful that she shared. I feel like we had. It was kind of a rushed conversation. I'm sure we'll talk more about after this. But yeah, we just all experience it just in different ways.

[B]

Yeah. That's interesting, the thought of it happening in retrospect.

[A]

Yeah. It'll never end.

[B]

It'll never end. That is so interesting because our in laws, I. I give them so much credit. They're very like. What's the word for it? Like, reflective on their roles as a parent when their kids were young. Like, always asking, like, what are things that we could have done better? And that's a very. They have so much humility, asking questions.

[A]

Like, the most humble people I've ever met.

[B]

Like, I'm like, that is something that I'm like, I don't know if I will ever feel brave enough to, like, ask that question or, like, receive that feedback from my own children. It's like, I would. That would make me quick to be, like, defensive. I'd be like, well, wait a minute. We did a lot for you, mister.

[A]

Like. Right.

[B]

You know, and so I just, like, respect them asking that so much. And they're like. And trust me, Caleb and Matt will both be honest.

[A]

They will.

[B]

Sheesh.

[C]

I'm so curious about that too, because usually when you ask that type of a question, it's because it's something that you're probably going to do again that you would like feedback on. But it's like, why do they need that feedback?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I don't know. They just love feedback.

[B]

Just love feedback,

[A]

and they always receive it well.

[B]

They always receive it well.

[A]

I know I've learned a lot, lot from. From watching that within their family. I guess I don't want to leave this conversation on kind of, like, a negative note.

[B]

We seriously.

[A]

We don't really have, like, a solution or.

[B]

Well, this is where I was going to kind of bring it back to. Guilt doesn't always have to be a bad thing.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, sometimes I think guilt should be honored, like, for a moment of, like, okay, let's hold this for what it was. I'm noticing that I'm starting to feel some of these feelings arise around this and, like, actually sitting and reflecting that on them in the moment and being like, okay, maybe even, like, invite another mom or your spouse or just depending on what it is. And just, like, letting someone actually be like, okay, like we said, it is an internal dialogue. But also those thoughts can spiral until you let someone else in on it. And I'm guessing 90% of the time, other mom will be like, I've been there, too. I felt that, too. And then also just that aspect of, like, okay, we're all carrying, like, similar burdens. Like, are we all just terrible moms, or is this just something that we're gonna have to carry with us? And we also just need to just carry it lightly at times. Or sometimes it's like, hey, thanks for, you know, flagging that one. I don't want to continue to do this with my next child or tomorrow even. Like, I don't want to continue to do this type of thing. Or, like, yeah, I think there's so many things where it's like, okay, hey, I didn't react well to that. I don't want to do that again. And then also just like. Like, using that as an opportunity to also have a conversation with your kids, like, hey, you know what? Mommy's making mistakes too.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'm sorry about that. I don't want to do that again.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And so it doesn't always have to be a bad thing, but then also just evaluate that.

[A]

And I feel like my biggest solution, like, through moving through guilt, is talking to people about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think that's the biggest thing. And voicing it out loud, like, telling Caleb my exact thoughts and exactly how I'm thinking. I'm not sugarcoating them or dancing around them or making light of them. Them if. If they feel heavy and, like, talking to you. I talk to you guys about them a lot and. And getting feedback. And I think being open to the Feedback, like, sometimes it's like, hey, actually, yeah, like you've told me, like, hey, you need to put systems in place with work. And that was so helpful to hear. And so just being receptive of the feedback and knowing that's, like, always for our. Your good and your benefit. And it's like, yeah, it's a good thing to reflect on it. Exactly what you're saying.

[B]

Yeah. And entrusted community, too, though, because it's like, sometimes I, like, I know who I need to go to if I just need someone to be like, like, you're amazing. Yeah. You are so special and beautiful and perfect that you need to make no changes. And then also, like, okay, I want to go to this person because likely they're going to have something I could do differently.

[A]

They're gonna be good honesty and, like,

[B]

they're gonna be good Odyssey. And I need to hear.

[A]

I need to steal my truth. You've got your, like, fun, your truth, your light truth, and then your hard truth, people.

[B]

Yeah. And then. And then I'm like, matt will always just be like. Like, you're awesome.

[A]

And I'm like, yes.

[B]

Come on. Thank you. I need to. Sometimes, like, I feel like I go to Matt a lot about body image things or, like, guilt I have related to, like, my looks, which I'm like, I don't even know if that's necessarily guilt, but, like, intrusive thoughts or, like, you know, feelings, things I'm starting to believe about myself. And then, like, mom things with other moms or work things with other people that are in the same field.

[A]

So I'm such a passive person. I always have to. I always front Caleb on. I always warn him on the front. And I go, I just want validation. And then I just kind of dance around. I'm like, I just need you to validate me right now. And then tell me I'm pretty. And then I'll kind of dance around what I'm. I'm like, oh, yeah, today just in my hair. And he's like, you're beautiful. You know, like, I'm always trying to, like, sneakily say. I feel like sometimes I try to manipulate him into saying what I want to hear. You know what I mean? But now I'm just like, I need to be upfront. I am up front. I'm just like, I just.

[B]

Just.

[A]

I need you to validate me.

[B]

I need you to validate me right now, Mag. When I don't take a compliment, he's like, just take the compliment. I'm like, well, gosh, I Don't believe you. So what am I supposed to do about that? Like, I'm just. I just simply don't believe you.

[A]

Yeah. You're like, I know you're lying to me right now. Which is not.

[B]

He doesn't lie to me. I know that, too.

[C]

When I, like, complain about my body or, like, different things, he's like, it's. It makes him frustrated. He's like, it's not true. Stop. He's like, stop saying that literally.

[B]

Like, yeah, but I'm like, do you want to just be a woman for one day?

[C]

Look at yourself in the mirror, Turns

[A]

it into a male versus female crisis. It's like, you're beautiful.

[B]

Try being a woman.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

You don't know what a let. So, yes. Like, I'm just saying, I guess if you hear anything from this, is that, like, we're three moms.

[A]

We. We're with you.

[B]

We're with you. We experience it, too. And some of these things we can laugh about. And someone's like, okay, right?

[A]

Some of it's serious. Some of it's funny, and some of it. It's just all relatable.

[B]

It's all relatable.

[A]

And this was a messy conversation about

[B]

this was messy for sure.

[A]

But I'm glad we talked about it.

[B]

Yeah, I'm glad we talked about it. Thank you to Needed for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

And the fact that practitioners are recommending it also speaks volumes because sometimes I'm, like, asking my doctor. I'm like, which one to take? And they're like, oh, well, you know.

[A]

And it's just a little bit of that.

[B]

I'm like, there's so many things to consider. It's nice that it's one multivitamin that fits all your needs.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Head over to ThisIsNeeded.com and use code Abby for 20% off off your first order. That's T H I S I S N E-E-E-E- Dash thisIsNeed.com and use code Abby for twenty off your first order. Ask, ask, ask Abby.

[B]

Let's listen to you guys and hear what you have to say. We have a voicemail segment each week. If this is your first time tuning in, you can call the number 602-456-9690 and we get to hear from you. Any curious questions, any serious questions, any. Hey, we'll accept comments feedback as well so you can call in and we're gonna listen to two or three today. Hi, Abby. Abby and Addie. My name is Bree. I love, love, love the podcast.

[A]

You guys are such an inspiration to me.

[B]

Me and my boyfriend want to get engaged here in a couple months and so I would love to hear your guys engagement stories and all of your emotions leading up to that. And if you guys kind of knew when he was going to propose, that's the podcast. Bye.

[A]

We never get to talk about this. This is fun. You go first. You go first.

[B]

Well, ours was fairly simple. So I guess as a kid I always thought that like when some guy, like when the guy proposed that the girl was just caught off guard.

[A]

I used to think that too.

[B]

Like they hadn't. And then as an adult, I was

[A]

like, oh, no, you pick up the ring together.

[B]

Well, I was kind of just like, you don't want to be caught off guard by no question like that. Gosh, that's a, that's pretty serious. I want to be a part of that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it's just more of a romantic gesture that he's the one who does it. You know what I mean? And so we had had so many conversations like that we had like sought mentors. We had like, had. We got married really young. So we had to have a lot of conversations with family and parents for like a year leading up to this point. And then we even did like pre engagement counseling, which, I mean, that's pretty thorough. I feel like read books, like we had done all these things. And so then Matt had said, he's like, I don't want to be engaged very long. He's like, I Only want to be engaged for six months. And so I was like, well, I know we're not getting married at Christmas time. It was summer. And so I was, like, not actually expecting it, but I knew that we were going to get married. I had known that for a long time at that point already. And so then I was visiting him in Florida, where he was there for the summer, and we went to Disney to celebrate his birthday because I actually love Disney too, and it was mostly for me. And so then he. The morning of, we were like, we got there right before the park opened, and Matt's like, I want to take a picture. And I was like, we have to go straight to the rides because you don't know how these wait times are gonna get so long. You don't know Disney, but I know Disney. We cannot be taking a picture. We will do it later. There's. Why do you want to take a picture? Like, I was so confused. And he's like, no, I really want to take a picture. I really want to take a picture. And so he literally finally gets a Disney photographer that is just unassuming. No one knows what's going on. Hands his phone that's already recording to a random Disney park attendee. And I put my arm around him and he is trembling. He was shaking, oh, my God, so much. I'm like, like, what in the world is wrong with him?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And because once again, he said he won't want. He said so many times he only wanted me engaged for six months. Then he gets down on one knee and I was. I have no idea what he said. He said that the night before, he'd asked one of his buddies, like, what he should say because he was, like, trying to write it out. And he's like, dude, just speak from the heart. So then he's like, said something. And then I was like, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh. And then he stood up. And the video is so funny because I literally just hug him. We don't kiss. And then I said, thank you. I was so caught off guard. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was genuinely like. And no one believes me. My mom was like, no, you knew. I was like, I didn't even know that he had brought this ring to Florida. Yeah. I didn't even know we had looked at rings.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I didn't even know that we had. This was the first one I tried on.

[A]

I don't even know if Matt told us that he was proposing.

[B]

I don't know if my family knew. Like, I think it was an impulse thing. I Mean, they knew that we were gonna get engaged.

[A]

Yeah. He had caught.

[B]

I don't think they knew what was happening that day. Yeah. So I'm like, when my mom's like, you knew? I'm like, did you like. And who knew then we were engaged for like literally over a year.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so I was like, what in the world? But it was so. I like look back at it. It was like so sweet because the rest of the day we were just giddy. Like we just had so much fun at Disney, like going on rides and I was just like beside myself, like excited. And then we actually had no family or friends there. And it was just really honestly special. It was simple. You know, I feel like, I don't know, like, I'm sure if I got engaged at 27, it would look differently. But that was perfect for getting engaged at 19. Honestly, like, I was like this, this is like the start of our life together. So of course it's just, it's special that it's just us together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we'll have everyone at the wedding day and everyone at like, you know, all the receptions to follow. But it was kind of fun that it was just us. Honestly. I always thought that everyone would be there. But the way that it just worked out with just us was really special.

[A]

Yeah. So intimate. Long winded story and a memory of just.

[B]

I remember every detail of that because I was literally just like. It's like so random. I just remember him shaking. He's like, I was so nervous. I was like. We had only talked about getting married for like three years straight.

[A]

We'd only talked about.

[B]

You knew that I was going to say yes. He's like, yeah, I knew you were gonna say yes. I just was so. I think the moment was so big for sure. Like the thing that he was asking,

[A]

it was a surprise and the biggest surprise of your life, you know. So he was nervous. That's sweet. Caleb's was. He did like a big gesture. Caleb is kind of a big gesture, romantic guy. And this was really fun. It had been our six year dating anniversary at this point. Caleb had previously talked to my dad and asked if he could take my hand in marriage the formal way. And my dad had asked him to wait because my sister was getting married that September. He said, will you please wait to propose until after her wedding? So that was in the summertime. And Caleb waited. So the really. The week after my sister got married, I know Caleb had another conversation with my parents about when this was gonna happen. And it was October. It was our six year dating anniversary. I thought he was gonna pop the question at dinner. I remember being so sad because he left the next day to go back to school and he didn't ask the question. I remember telling him that night, like, I am so sad that we didn't get engaged this weekend. Well, the next day I think he leaves for to go back to school. He was a senior, I had already graduated and I had a Bible study that night. And that night we had decided to do a bonfire as a group instead of going to someone's house. And so I get in the car with some of them, we're carpooling. They drive me to this park kind of near our homes. And we pull up and I see this guy in a suit just sitting on a rock. And I'm like, that's really weird. And I'm just looking at him. And then I realized that it's one of Caleb's best friends that lives in Kansas City and his name is Charlie. And I roll down the window and I go, charlie, why are you here? And then it hit me and I go, charlie. And I get out of the car, they pull me up, he's sitting there on this rock. Charlie reads me a letter that he wrote to me about just like watching Caleb and I date and just how excited he is for us to get engaged. And then I walk. He like, he gives me a flower. And I've like led through this path along this park. And it's all of Caleb's groomsmen lined up. And so it's like stop by stop. And they all read me a letter that they wrote me. And then at the end is Caleb on this stage in the park. And it had lights and roses everywhere. And it's dark at this point, so like the sun had set and everyone's in suits and I'm in my pajamas, not wearing a bra because I was the only one not informed of this. Which is hilarious because all these pictures, everyone's dressed so nice. And then I'm literally in sweatpants and a sweatshirt. And Caleb gets down on one knee and he asks. And behind the stage is like a brick wall. And it's all of our family and our friends. And you guys were there, which I'm so happy you were there.

[B]

Well, Matt wrote a letter to you. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It was Matt and Josh, like, and then Caleb's grooms are like, best man. So it was everyone, which was so sweet. I'm sure I still have all those letters written, or I think they just read them to me off their phone. But we have it recorded, which is really fun. And then we had a dinner party afterwards with everybody. It was so special. It was the most romantic thing ever.

[B]

That was fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That's sweet.

[B]

Addie, you want to share yours?

[C]

Oh, sure. Let's see. Mine's kind of funny. Mine was on a Sunday. Let's backtrack a little bit, actually. I knew we were gonna get engaged. I knew he had the ring. This was. He probably got the ring in June. It was also the first one I tried on. I'm like. And it was one that I was

[B]

like, not the first one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I knew I had always wanted, like, this style of ring, and I was trying to not go with one that was, like, cool at the time. Like, I was like, I'll just go with the one I've always wanted, even though, like, maybe a different one was piquing my interest. So. And I still love it. But he got the ring in, like, June, and then he didn't propose until the end of September because he wanted our. I wanted our friends to be there, and I think he knew that, too. And so we waited till everyone came back for school. And then it was a Sunday. I was at church. I was like, when the heck is he gonna do it? Also at this time, type a person. We've already booked our wedding venue.

[A]

Oh, you booked your venue before you were engaged? Oh, my gosh. I love that.

[C]

I knew where I wanted to get married. Yeah. And so it was already booked. So I was like, what the heck? Like, we gotta get things moving so I can plan a wedding. I was like, I won't do anything else until I'm engaged. And then Sunday at church, I'm like, checking his location. I'm like, where is he? Because he didn't go to the same service as me, which is not normal. And then. And the girls next to me afterwards were like, we saw that you just kept checking his location. Luckily, he was just at his house until after church. After church, my girls, we went and we took photos because we were taking roommate photos for the coop where we lived. And then as we're walking back, I text my friend Abby, because in the morning, I texted her, and I had said, I think I'm getting engaged today. We're walking back to the car. I said, it's not happening. Cause I thought it was gonna happen. When we were taking photos with everyone. Like, everyone would think, no, I get blindfolded and then get thrown in the car. And we. They're like, we're getting initiated to the coop so that we do initiations, which

[B]

is actually a thing, unfortunately, it is

[C]

a thing for this. This home. So I knew that had also needed to come because I hadn't been initiated into the home yet. Backstory. Abby also lived at this home before me.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You had hazers.

[A]

No, I'm just kidding.

[B]

It is that. That's what it is.

[C]

So I don't even know. We went into a gas station. I had to get some things in order and get food from some restaurant. Went up to. I had a dance somewhere. And then they were taking. We were like, we're going home. And I'm like, we're really still. I'm blindfolded, but I'm like, we are not that far from home, surely. And then we pull up, and a mint goes in my mouth. Cause they were feeding me random food.

[A]

They shoved a mint in your mouth? The girly's watching me.

[C]

I mean, mint in my mouth. And I, like, was like, oh, okay. And I'm, like, squeezing their hands. And then Blake had set up at a park in Springfield a blanket. It was under this, like, pergola or. And he set up blanket and, like, a picnic basket. And he proposed and said some things. I don't really remember all the things. What I do remember is he said, satan's gonna hate us, like, two or three times.

[B]

I was like, that's so sweet. That's so sweet.

[C]

He was also shaking, too. So then we got engaged, went back to the coop, and everyone was there. All of my friends, the family was there. My sister had come from Dallas, and we just had a fun engagement party afterwards. Sweet.

[A]

I actually never heard that story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's so fun.

[C]

It's always a fun one to look back, because it was also when I got initiated. So that was kind of funny, the

[B]

fact that those are catached.

[A]

I know. They're like, hold on. Two birds, one stone.

[C]

Yeah, exactly. You'll never know.

[A]

That's so fun. And it's fun that your friends are, like, all in on it, you know? That makes it so fun.

[C]

Yes. Because I also was begging them. I'm like, guys, you have to figure out when he's proposing, because get him on it. I can't remind him anymore that he needs to do this anymore.

[B]

Hi, friends. I have been a long listener for five ever, but we are friends. I mean, y' all are my best friends, But I have four little girls. One just turned 12, and we're about to start having the sex talk.

[C]

Did your mom talk to you about sex. Did she not? What would you want to do?

[B]

How should I do it? How in depth should I go? Thanks for listening. Love you. Bye.

[A]

Love you. Bye. I love that. No, I never had a formal sex talk. My mom just kind of took things as they came. I remember asking. I'll never forget sixth grade, learning some things on the track and going to my mom. And I remember she's in the bathroom in the toilet, and I'm, like, talking to her through the door, and I'm like, mom, what's. Asking her what, like, foreplay basically is and all these, like, deep things. If you ask my mom, she gave us a sex talk. If you ask us, we never had a sex talk. So I don't know if I'm one to speak in on this.

[B]

I actually brought it up with my parents as an adult. I was like, you know, you never did that right there, Like.

[C]

Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, okay. That's not what generation.

[B]

That's where I live. Well, here's my memory. After dance one day, we went to Subway. My mom sat me down, and she was like, one day, you're gonna bleed out of. And I was like, you're gonna bleed. I was literally like, you're kidding me? Because I just told Chloe that that's not true. I was like. Told her that that's just pee. And I was really like, I can't eat my food. I. And. And so something about that conversation made me not want to be a girl anymore. I was like, I don't want to do it. And then, like, so I didn't. That was like, the puberty talk, because we were about to do the talk in school. So she was like, I feel like I should probably prep her. So I wasn't just sitting in my little blue plastic chairs, like, just around the corner. Like, then. That still was traumatizing in a different way. The boys come back into class, and they're like. Like, what they tell you about.

[A]

I remember that.

[B]

And we had, like, pads. And I was like, I don't know.

[A]

My mom did give me a good period talk.

[B]

Little did they know, I was like, five years down the line. They're like, girl, you don't need to worry right now. It's going to be a long time. You are not going to bloom for a while.

[A]

No.

[B]

So she. They did the puberty talk. Yeah, I had that, and then nothing beyond that. And. But public school did some things for me. I heard a lot of things that I was very confused about.

[A]

Public school will teach you everything.

[B]

They're like, if you lay naked with a boy, Right. And if, you know, if you fall asleep naked with a boy. Yeah, you will get pregnant. Right. I was like, oh, my gosh.

[A]

That's what I believe.

[B]

Slept with my brother a couple times. I really hope our clothes stayed on. They did. Like, I was just like, there was so much confusion. And so, you know, I've thought about this a lot. I think our parents probably know that, you know, they probably could have, you know, talked about it a little bit more. No big deal. It's fine. We figure things out. But with my own kids, I don't think I want to. I've heard the advice before of, like, as they ask, then they're ready. It's like, I actually kind of want to be the first to speak on some of these big topics. So I want to be a little proactive about these things. And I think it's equally important for raising girls and raising boys to be proactive in having those conversations. So I'll probably do things a little bit differently. But that's okay. You know, I figured it out. Surely everything's fine.

[A]

But I. Rip deeply. I have a vivid memory of my friend in seventh grade. She got like a. Like a thorough, in depth sex talk, like, talking about how it all works.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like, in depth. And ter, she came back and explained it to all of us at a sleepover. And I was like, what goes in where? Oh, my gosh. Like, being so freaked out. I literally just thought that point. Yeah. If you rolled around naked in bed, that's how babies were made.

[B]

That's how I got to where I was. Because my friend, mom, I love how all the friends, like, get together. Like your mom. What do you know? Literally, what do you know? That's crazy. Your brother, like, yes, totally. That's dangerous. But like, my friends, like, her mom got the like, American Girl doll book and they away. They went to St. Louis for the weekend. Like a girl weekend.

[A]

Cute.

[B]

And I was like, that's a good idea. But I do honestly think it shouldn't be like a. The talk thing. Like, the more I think about, I'm like, it should probably be like a ongoing thing where we can continue to ask. I think that was like our parents generation. They're like, you sit them down one time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You get it done. You never bring it up and never bring it up again. The kids are, like, traumatized. They're like, one time, it was really scary. So maybe we'll just do an ongoing thing. Maybe maybe don't make it one time. But I honestly. You're more experienced when you have four kids. Yeah.

[A]

You know what to do.

[B]

You know what to do.

[A]

You know what? She's interested.

[B]

You know what? I. You asked about our personal experience, and it was just very confusing.

[A]

It was confusing. I don't think you can mess it up. I mean, I'm sure there are ways. You probably could. You could probably. Probably mess it up, but sexuality is

[B]

so vulnerable and, like, 10, you know?

[A]

Yeah. I feel like you asking. There's already, like, you want to do it the right way, so I'm sure you've already done so much research on it and, like, some ideas of how you can approach it. I feel like the biggest thing is just being available for questions. My mom was really good. She was available for questions.

[B]

True.

[C]

And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you get the sex talk, Addy?

[C]

I don't think I did. I don't really. I feel like I learned most of it from school.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And then you get the adverse effects of church, too, of the, like, don't do that. Yeah.

[A]

I just came up at church in, like, the toxic purity culture time.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I feel like it's better now.

[C]

Yo.

[B]

Literally a girl. No, I remember this from church one time. It was like, here's Tupperware and here's fine china. That's just horrible. Which one do you want to eat up?

[C]

Where's the.

[A]

I'm traumatized, and I didn't even.

[B]

Tupperware. You know, you wash it, you use it again. It's like you set it aside. You don't use it all year.

[A]

Like, wow.

[C]

And is this a man? I'm not that type of person. But who's the one showing china? I don't.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

It was a woman. Oh, gosh. Even worse.

[A]

I'm glad we've moved past that. I'm glad we've learned that that's not the right way to talk about this.

[C]

I will say I am one of girls, so I have two older sisters, so it's also a little different, but not relating to the sex, but relating to, like, the puberty and those changes. My parents had the Keeping Care of youf book.

[A]

That was such a good book.

[C]

I think it passed down from each of us girls. It showed me how to put a tamp on it. It shows you how to take care of. Of your breasts and when things change. And there's. It talks a little bit about, like, body safety and things like that. So I think that's where it kind of talk maybe goes in a little bit. There but it just talks about healthy and hygiene and those types of things. So that was a good book. I do remember.

[B]

I just got a really funny memory of the first time my mom took me to get a bra. And we were into Shopco, which Matt brought to my attention that he doesn't know what Shopco is.

[C]

I don't know what Shopco is either.

[B]

Well, I can't explain it to you guys. It's a budget store that we went to.

[A]

Great.

[B]

It was in my town. We didn't have a lot of shopping options, especially for a bra that was gonna be about this big. So I put it on. I, like, had my aeropostale long fitted graphic tee. And my dad felt my back and he's like, I hurt. And he, like rubbing. And then I was like,

[A]

I can't wait.

[B]

Never wore it again. I think I wore it again.

[C]

Tank tops from justice as Brasil for a long.

[B]

Someone should have told us that that wasn't enough.

[A]

Yeah, we could get a bad T shirt.

[C]

I would wear that as a bra.

[B]

I was like, this is my bra. It's built in. What a perk.

[A]

My first bra. I said, mom, I think I'm ready for a training bra, because I just want to be trained. And so she took me to Old Navy and I got, like, a cloth.

[B]

Cloth.

[A]

It was just a cloth.

[B]

Yeah, those are, like, underwear.

[A]

And I remember I went to school the next day and we wore uniforms. Our uniform shirts were white, and I had a white bra on underneath. And a girl felt my shoulder and goes, oh, I know what you're wearing. And I go, shh. Don't tell anyone. They could all see it through my pillow.

[B]

I know you wore uniforms.

[A]

And yeah, when I went to Catholic school through fifth grade.

[B]

That's funny. That was, like, the first time I wore mascara to school. And this girl said to me, she's like, you're wearing makeup. I was like, no, I'm not. And then I, like, never wore it again.

[C]

The first time I ever shaved my leg, I shaved back here because I was like, I gotta try it out. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to shave my legs. So I shaved, like, the back of my thigh.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

My friend's mom told her that she wasn't supposed to shave from here up.

[A]

Yeah, my mom told me that. I said, sorry, Mom, I'm going to.

[B]

Why is that? I don't know. Oh, because they didn't want you to shave down there?

[A]

No, I think they just. My mom said the hair was different. It was wrong. She was Misinformed, misinformed.

[B]

Just want her on the hairy thighs.

[A]

Yeah. She's like, it's thinner hair. You can't see it.

[B]

Which is.

[A]

It is thinner.

[B]

Just a clear line.

[A]

I mean, my thigh hair is not dark, but my leg hair is dark. I don't know. I love these girlhood things. I'm like, I can't wait to hear, like, Vivian Brielle's thing. Like, what are the embarrassing things that we're gonna do?

[C]

They're gonna have a chat like this one day.

[A]

Yeah. Like, her mom is so embarrass her. What is it with boys?

[C]

They're going to come to you, Abby. You're going to be their aunt.

[B]

Abby.

[C]

They're going to come complain about us. What are you going to say to them?

[B]

Gosh, I'll be like, of course to them. I'll be like, I got your bat, girl. And then I'll be like, okay. Yeah.

[A]

So anyway.

[C]

So cute.

[B]

Hey, girlies. This is Kia. I was just wondering, if you guys were on Dancing with the Stars, who would your dream partner be and what would your first song pick be? Love the podcast.

[A]

Thanks. That's a fun question.

[B]

What was the question, actually?

[C]

Who. Who's your dream partner on Dance with the Stars? I'm looking at my song.

[A]

What was the second half? What would your song be?

[C]

Yeah, what would be your first song choice?

[A]

Do you. The contestants get to choose?

[C]

I think there's a night that they can choose a song, but it's usually there's, like a memory attached. But I'm just going with this.

[B]

Addie, I feel like you have something on deck right now for sure. Why Val? I was gonna say him, too, but then I was like, Mark kind of is really fun.

[C]

He's an attractive guy, and I think he's good at dancing.

[B]

Well, see, that's why I chose Mark, because I was like, I feel like I don't want that kind of.

[C]

I do.

[B]

No offense to Mark, but I don't

[A]

know any of the partners who are all the male. I've actually never watched the show.

[B]

We watched it together.

[A]

I watched one episode, you guys. I watched all the clips online.

[C]

Okay, I can name you all.

[B]

Whitney, you know this show has been going on for literally years.

[A]

I know, I know. I only watched this year with, like, Alex Earl. She crushed. And some of the other girls.

[C]

So we have Val, Mark, Brandon Armstrong. Do you know who these people are?

[B]

When I'm saying I would know the names?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Brandon Armstrong, Ezra Sosa, Pasha, Alan Gleb.

[A]

Who has the most Trophies.

[C]

Derek Hoff.

[A]

Okay, give me Derek.

[C]

That's a good choice.

[A]

Give me Derek or give me Death. No, just kidding.

[B]

Who has the most trophies?

[A]

I want to be at the winner.

[B]

He has really good choreography.

[A]

Is he still on the show? I thought he was a judge.

[B]

He's a judge. Okay.

[A]

Who is still on the show that is has a lot of trophies?

[C]

Probably Val. Mark Ballas is next to Derek. So it's Derek Hough.

[B]

I already got Mark, so.

[C]

And then Mark, so.

[A]

I know only one person could claim

[B]

it at one time. Yeah, we're on the same.

[C]

Same season. So. Derek at six, Mark at three.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Val at three. He's mine. You can. That's Cheryl. She. That's a woman.

[A]

So you guys have Mark and Val, the two best.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, shoot. I was a little slow. Okay, I'll take.

[C]

Who would I. I would suggest for you.

[B]

I feel like Ezra.

[C]

You would enjoy Ezra.

[A]

Give me Ezra.

[C]

You would. You would buy.

[A]

Maybe Derek will come back.

[C]

Brandon is so funny, though.

[A]

Special request.

[C]

What song did you guys choose?

[B]

Okay. Oh, what song?

[A]

You can't tell me that man wouldn't take the opportunity to jump back on a choreographer. He's a great choreographer.

[B]

I would want a fun party. One that, like. Oh, you know what I would do? I like to move it. Move it. Griffin and Augie would just be beside themselves.

[A]

Amazing. I would do Celine Dion, My Heart Will Go On.

[B]

Oh, that was a vibe I wasn't expecting. I know.

[A]

It's just. No, I'm sorry. Not My Heart Will Go On. You were history with the slamming of the door. Was that one called I Can't Remember When? Oh, what's that song called? And I Banish Him. I'm not gonna keep singing it. You and I had ever made.

[B]

Oh, a really fun one would be where to have My Heart Husband.

[A]

Do they have to be fun?

[B]

No, I want it to be fun because I'm like. I don't want to do, like, a romantic.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Who sings that song?

[A]

Dion?

[C]

My song is. It's All Coming Back to me now.

[A]

That's the one. Yeah. I would do that one.

[C]

I would do down by Jawn and Lil Wayne. Baby, are you down? Down, Down. Specifically the rap section.

[A]

We could pick rap songs.

[B]

You can do whatever you want.

[A]

Okay, then. Migos. All of them.

[C]

That song gets me hype.

[A]

Migos. Stir fry. Specifically stir fry.

[C]

That's crazy.

[B]

Not on your booty. Make the world cry. That's not getting you a beer bowl.

[C]

Hey. Hey. Remember the one time we went dancing?

[B]

Yeah. It was Great.

[A]

We went to the club.

[C]

No one else went to the club, had no drinks.

[A]

No.

[C]

Maybe. So.

[A]

I love this. Overnight at the club.

[B]

Yeah. That's all I know.

[A]

It's a better way of. Believe me. Better way. Okay. I have an okay, always, always hungry recipe, but it's not. It's my own recipe, and it's for overnight oats. Oh, it's delicious.

[B]

Here's my thing about overnight oats. Do you eat them cold?

[A]

I do, yeah.

[B]

I like them like that.

[A]

You don't like that?

[C]

I had that same question.

[A]

Listen, you have to put a lot of sugar in it. Like, not sugar, but like sweet things.

[B]

See, I like warm oatmeal.

[A]

I love warm oatmeal, too, but I also love a good cold oatmeal. And it's just nice making it the night before.

[B]

Let's hear it.

[A]

Okay, you do a half cup oats. Listen, I don't have a link link that goes in the description, so just write it down. Write it, pause it. Pull out a pen and write this down.

[B]

Okay. Get your post it notes.

[A]

Get your post it notes. A half cup rolled oats.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Three, four cup almond milk or milk of choice. One tablespoon chia seeds. Eyeball. The amount of honey. Maybe a teaspoon to two teaspoons. Some frozen blueberries.

[B]

Stir it up.

[A]

Oh, a dash of cinnamon. Just a dash. Not too much, not too little.

[B]

Stir it up.

[A]

Put the lid on it. Put it in your fridge overnight or for two hours. Okay. When you get it out, you're gonna slice strawberries. And then this is the most important part. Only this granola is acceptable. It is the bare, naked granola in the cash out or cashew and cacao flavor. It's the best. It's got the chocolate, the cashews, the crunch. You got the blueberries and the strawberries and the. The chia seeds. And then give yourself like an hour after that so you have enough time to go the bathroom, because you will go to the bathroom after you eat this.

[B]

It's the chia seeds.

[A]

It's the chia seeds. That's delicious.

[B]

Wow, that was so detailed.

[C]

Hannah was writing the notes over here. I was watching it come in.

[B]

She's a scribe now.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

I just realized I've never actually linked my sourdough pretzel bites. Bites. And I made those for Easter.

[C]

And I'm like, last episode, we talked about it.

[B]

I talked about them, but it was my recipe and I made them. And now I'm like, I need to share the rest.

[A]

Do you have any more.

[B]

No, they also don't save. My grandma was also against it. She was like, you should not be making these because it's going to spoil everyone's dinner. And I was like, I ate them and dinner.

[A]

I ate tons of them.

[B]

That's up to them. That's up to them. And then she started eating them and she was like, whoa, these are so good. They're so good. And you know what? Sourdough. So gut healthy. Okay, right? So that's if we're always hungry. What are we doing? Okay, thank you so much, those of you that have written reviews. Seriously, it means so much. If you could take just a minute to just whatever platform you're listening to this on, just tell them you like it, basically heard it, rate it, five stars. Like it. Me, Abby and Addie really appreciate it. We also have more people behind the scenes than you probably realize. I also appreciate that this feedback too, and are looking at those as like markers of this podcast. So thank you so much. If you listen to it and enjoy it, just let us know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

One pressy says, my favorite girls, five stars. I love you guys so much. I love having a good group of girls to listen to. One cleaning or just chilling. I hope you guys do longer episodes. I feel like there have never been long enough. I hope you like last week's episode. That's gonna end up as.

[A]

But we were to going.

[B]

Going crazy.

[A]

We were going crazy.

[B]

So thank you. Gosh, don't tell us because it's just. Okay, we'll keep grabbing.

[A]

You want to blab, we'll blab.

[B]

We will blab.

[A]

Thank you guys so much. If you want to leave a voicemail and potentially get on the pod, you guys can call the phone number 602-456-9690. That is such a fun, fun, fun aspect of our show. We love it so much and we're so grateful to you guys for calling in. Do we have a book club announcement or anything? Is that next week?

[B]

That's a good time to say that. Yeah. Keep reading.

[A]

Just friends.

[B]

Just friends. I'm almost done with it. Yeah, it's cute by Hailey Pham. That is our April book. And then we'll do like a little book club meeting on the podcast. The last episode of April.

[A]

Well, that's all we got, you guys. Thank you so much for listening. And remember, we're always here.

[C]

Spring just slid into your DMs.

[A]

Grab that boho.

[B]

Look for that rooftop dinner.

[A]

Those sandals that can keep up with

[C]

you and hang some string lights to

[A]

give your patio a glow.

[C]

Up. Spring's calling, Ross.

[A]

Work your magic.

[B]

You can't reason with the sun.

[A]

Trust us, we've tried. This summer, it's time to put that angry ball of fire on mute. Columbia's Omnishade technology is engineered to protect

[B]

you from the sun's harsh rays that

[A]

can burn and damage your skin. The sun is relentless, but so is our gear. Level up your [e-mail] to spend more time outside and less time slathering on aloe lotion.

[B]

You're welcome, Columbia.

[A]

Engineered for whatever.