Our Moms Play Agree To Disagree

Summary

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Always Here Podcast – Episode Summary

Episode: "Our Moms Play Agree To Disagree"

Hosts: Abby Howard & Abby Howard
Guests: Ruth (Abigail’s mom) & Lori (Addie’s mom)
Date: May 8, 2026
Produced by Daylight Media

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Overview

In this heartwarming and hilarious Mother’s Day episode, sister-in-laws and co-hosts Abby and Abby Howard invite their moms—Ruth and Lori—onto the show. In a refreshing, intergenerational roundtable, the group dives into funny family stories, candid reflections, and a game of "Agree to Disagree" tackling everything from marriage advice and parenting philosophies to work-life balance. Full of real talk, wisdom, and love, the episode both honors motherhood and unpacks how relationships evolve across generations.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Welcoming the Moms & Setting the Stage

• [01:43] Addie and Abby introduce their moms, Lori and Ruth, for a special Mother’s Day episode, acknowledging the courage it took for their moms to leave their comfort zones and join the show.
• [02:15] There’s playful banter about setup “demands” and “reservations,” setting a tone of affection.
• [03:04] The hosts opt to skip the usual “hards” segment out of respect for their moms’ boundaries with vulnerability online.

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2. Sharing "Hopes"—Life Updates and Family Bonds

• [03:22]–[04:35] Lori shares her excitement about the children’s travel book she wrote with her sister Gina, inspired by family trips in their Winnebago—highlighting the joys of bringing a creative family project to life.
• [05:11] Ruth talks about looking forward to her husband's visit after “snowbirding,” and the bittersweetness of splitting time between family in St. Louis and her daughter’s family.
• [06:25] The moms reflect on their friendship and active lives together (walking, shopping, gym, taking grandkids swimming), marveling at how their families’ stories have intertwined over time under the Arizona palm trees.

Notable Quote:
"We do a lot of stuff together...it was just kind of crazy that, like, came full circle and we're sitting here just relaxing under the palm trees.” — Lori ([06:58])

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3. "Setting the Record Straight" on Family Lore

• [07:52]–[13:00] The moms clarify stories that have come up on previous episodes—especially around “the Talk” (sex/puberty), and how their daughters recall (or don’t recall) those conversations.
• [09:39] The group laughs about how kids sometimes learn these things from peers before parents have the chance.
• [13:00] Fact-checking Addie’s claim of her parents' marriage length, revealing it’s actually over 32 years, not 25.

Notable Exchange:
"You just weren’t listening." — Ruth ([01:13], [08:08])
"If I heard 'sex,' my ears would have perked up!” — Abby ([01:14])

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4. Game Time: 'Agree to Disagree' with the Moms

A series of rapid-fire and open-ended questions provoke candid, frequently funny responses revealing generational differences and shared values:

Marriage & Relationship Hot Takes:

• Never go to bed angry?

  • Lori: “Agree, that’s a good plan.”
  • Ruth: “Disagree. Sometimes you just need to sleep on it.” ([14:20])

• Spouse or kids first?

  • Both moms disagree with the “conventional wisdom,” saying kids come first, and marriages survived this just fine. ([15:58])

• Does marriage get harder after kids?

  • Both: Yes, it gets more complicated, but also offers growth and deeper communication if you “compromise and talk through issues.” ([17:42]–[20:17])

• Combine all finances?

  • Both: Agree for themselves, but stress it's not a universal rule and depends on circumstances. Both mention the importance of “fun money” for the sake of autonomy and fewer arguments. ([21:38])

• Is it okay to keep small secrets from your spouse?

  • General consensus: It's not a big deal for little things, especially involving the kids, but overall both value openness. ([24:08])

• Who wears the pants?

  • Ruth: “We equally wear the pants…when he thinks he’s wearing the pants, I put those pants on him.” ([36:44])
  • Lori openly does a lot of family admin and decision-making.

• Consult spouse before big decisions?

  • Both: “Agree.”
  • Going through partner’s phone: No real objections—“No privacy after 36 years.” ([36:38])

• Is it healthy to spend time apart regularly?

  • Lori: Fast “agree.”
  • Ruth: Jokes about her solo month away from her husband. ([37:46])

• Social media’s impact on marriage and sharing online:

  • Mixed feelings; agree there are risks and challenges, but also pride for their daughters’ authenticity online. ([38:31], [39:59])

• PDA (public displays of affection):

  • Banter about which moms are more PDA, with Addie recalling playful family "love corners." Most agree mild PDA is fine, but it’s a “spectrum.” ([42:16])

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Parenting, Pregnancy & Motherhood Insights

• Pregnancy: Mentally or physically harder?

  • Lori: “Mentally.”
  • Ruth: “Physically.” ([45:29])

• Pregnancy brain? Real or myth?

  • Both: “Disagree with the myth. It’s real!” ([45:53])

• Did kids make you lose a part of yourself?

  • Both: “Disagree. If anything, it’s the opposite—you gain new parts.” ([46:15])

• Breastfeeding vs. formula:

  • Both: “Formula is not lesser. Don’t shame moms for doing what works/[47:16]–[48:21]."

• Gentle parenting best?

  • Neither are dogmatic—Lori notes Addie was so easy she can’t compare. Ruth recalls more consequences for Abby.

• Is it good for kids to be bored?

  • Strong consensus: “Yes! Imagination and self-reliance matter.” ([53:12])

• Screen time: harmful or helpful?

  • Both: In moderation, educational shows can be great, but accessibility adds new challenges. ([53:44])

• Share about kids online?

  • Both: Agree there should be limits, for safety and privacy. ([56:12])

• Mom guilt:

  • “Never goes away.” Kids will always tease (“You always bring up what we did wrong!”) but regret isn’t always rational or justified. ([58:04])

• Trusting parenting instincts vs. outside advice:

  • Both: Instincts first, advice is secondary. ([58:55])

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Working Motherhood

• Can you “have it all” as a working mom?

  • Ruth: “Yes, but it’s hard—you need a support system and shared responsibilities at home.”
  • Lori: “No, not all at once—I always felt torn.” ([59:53])

• Which is harder: working mom vs. stay-at-home mom?

  • Both: Can’t judge unless you’ve done both; both roles have unique stressors and rewards. ([64:13])

• Financial independence for women?

  • Both: Not strictly necessary to earn one’s own income, but vital to be financially savvy and involved in household management. ([68:54])

• Hustle culture toxic?

  • Ruth and Lori: They need to be briefed on “hustle culture”—but ultimately value balance, comfort, and meaningful work, not glorifying relentless grind.
  • “Let’s just have a cup of coffee and relax!” — Lori ([72:01])

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “Once you’re a mother, you’re always a mother. And we’re not our husband’s mothers.” — Ruth ([16:51])
• “If you have a bad marriage and people are talking to you about it—you should listen.” — Ruth ([41:54])
• “You just get called to a higher standard and you figure it out...You’re more capable than you thought you were.” — Abby Howard ([82:08])
• “I think every day about how thankful I am that I’m here with both kids, both spouses I love, and now extra grandkids.” — Lori ([89:44])

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Important Timestamps

• [03:22] – Lori’s book project and family travel storytelling
• [05:34] – Ruth’s “hope”: looking forward to husband, balancing two lives
• [07:52] – “Setting the record straight” about “the Talk”
• [13:48] – Introduction to “Agree or Disagree” game
• [17:49] – Discussion: marriage after kids
• [21:38] – Finances, “fun money,” joint vs. separate accounts
• [24:08] – Secrets in marriage
• [36:44] – “Who wears the pants?”
• [41:11] – Moms confronting privacy and sharing online
• [45:29] – “Pregnancy is more mentally difficult than physically difficult?”
• [58:04] – Mom guilt, never goes away
• [59:53] – Can working moms have it all?
• [68:54] – Financial independence for women
• [72:01] – “Soft life” versus “hustle culture”
• [75:40] – Voicemails: Comfort movies, home decorating tips, motherhood lessons
• [80:38] – Biggest lessons from motherhood: “Don’t get comfortable—it’s always changing,” “Capacity grows day by day,” “Simple time matters most”

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Tone and Takeaways

Throughout the episode, the tone is intimate, honest, and playful. The mothers are candid about past worries, generational differences, and the messy realities of parenting, while the hosts’ admiration and gratitude shine through. Stories of raising children, handling marriage over decades, and keeping family bonds strong provide wisdom for listeners at every stage of life—reminding us that laughter, compromise, and open communication are the heart of lasting relationships.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

• You’ll get a surge of nostalgia and validation, whether you’re a young parent, grown child, or grandparent.
• The episode is gold for its intergenerational wisdom: practical advice, loving roasts, and encouragement that “cycles change, and you’ll be okay.”
• If you’ve ever wondered how to talk about tough topics (marriage stress, finances, parental boundaries), you’ll find solidarity and even some new perspectives.
• The “Agree to Disagree” game sparks lively debate and laughter, and the closing segment on “comfort food” and “comfort movies” keeps the mood light and relatable.

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Memorable Mom Moment:
"You can do it. We’re all moms. We all do it." — Ruth ([82:28])

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Outro

At the end, Abby and Addie express deep gratitude for close relationships with their mothers still as adults, and both guests lovingly reflect on how much these bonds mean to them now as grandmothers.

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For more candid moments and listener questions, check out the Always Here Patreon "Home Girls" segment and follow up with future episodes.

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Transcript

[Abby Howard]

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[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Addie (Abby's sister)]

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[Abby Howard]

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[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Did we get married too young? Agree or disagree?

[Abby Howard]

Agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

This is no big secret.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, everybody knows that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We thought that.

[Abby Howard]

Do you want to set the record straight on anything specifically? I think we were thinking some of the sex talks.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We had the talk.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You just weren't listening.

[Abby Howard]

I'm pretty sure if I heard sex, my ears would have perked up.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think you're pda. I see dad smack your butt a lot. You sit on dad's lap. Yay, dad. You guys had a love corner in our kitchen growing up.

[Abby Howard]

Lori, Welcome back to Always here. I'm your host, Abby Howard.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And Abby Howard.

[Abby Howard]

And we have some other guests today.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Our moms. In honor of Mother's Day. Yay. Thank you. Thank you to Lori, my mom, for being here, and Ruth, Abigail's mom, for being here.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

It's such a treat.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

This didn't come easy, if I'm totally honest. The moms. The moms had to.

[Abby Howard]

They had their reservations.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

They had their reservations.

[Abby Howard]

Yes, we did.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That was our list of criteria. Yeah, Lori, for sure.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I heard my demands. I didn't have reservations.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That's true.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She had reservations. You had demands. I think we already kind of failed some of the demands because the seating is a little.

[Abby Howard]

It's a little low.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's a little slumber party vibe. It is. Good thing we're close. It's an honor to have you guys on. Thank you for stepping outside of your comfort zone. We're gonna try to be nice to you and make this as seamless as possible.

[Abby Howard]

Well, we actually had about 60 minutes of hard hitting interview style questions that we did not want you to prepare in the bin.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay. We know very little about the podcast right now.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Just to make you sweat Seriously?

[Abby Howard]

I'm just kidding. We have a game.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Put us on the spot.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, exactly.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

No, we're not doing that. Okay.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We're not four.

[Abby Howard]

Well, we thought we would click click off the episode with our hope in our hearts, but we're not gonna do hards. We're just gonna do our hopes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, you and I could do hards, Abby, but I didn't.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Sure.

[Abby Howard]

Our guests probably don't want to be vulnerable to the Internet.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We don't need to make them do that.

[Abby Howard]

We don't need to make it do that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

This is our. This is our thing.

[Abby Howard]

This is our. This is our cross of bears. Saying that so much, Lily.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's true though. So what's your guys hopes? What do you have? We told them in advance to prepare one. Okay. I helped my mom prepare hers because she's humble queen.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. What is it, Lori?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, we were supposed to say something we like, you know, that is new or that's happy this week or upcoming. So she told me to share that I did have a book that my sister and I wrote and it came out like a week ago. So happy about that. We worked really hard on it. So.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, that is a great.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

A lot on this book. It's really cute. It's like a kid's travel book and it's perfect because it's all about Hawaii and we're. Our family is going to Hawaii in a week. So it's gonna be perfect for the kids. But mom worked really, really hard on it with her sister.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

My sister Gina. Yeah, we both worked on it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And your mother.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

My mom was a contributor on it too. Yes. So anyway, we worked on it hard and the first one's about Hawaii, but it's gonna be a series.

[Abby Howard]

I can't wait.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And yeah, the teacher came out and

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

the author and Gina came out and travel lovers and both of you came out. So it was the perfect combo. Well, link it in the show notes. Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

When we were little, like my sister and I, we would be in the basement. My dad was an artist and so I kind of liked the artist stuff. We had like little offices in the basement and I would do the. My sister would do the writing for a book and I would do the illustrations and we'd publish these little books and hang them out for people.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh, cute.

[Abby Howard]

Oh my gosh. That's really fun to know that.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, we kind of forgot that we used to do that. And then about 10, 15 years ago, we had thought again about writing a travel book. And guess was when you were still at home, but it's like, you know how it is. Everything's busy, and we're working full time. We just didn't have.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And you guys travel a lot, too.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We do, yeah. We always enjoyed that growing up. We get in our little Winnebago and we drive and drive, go to Alaska, go different places in a Winnebago. And so we always look forward to it. So I think it's something that we always enjoyed as a family. And then we had kids traveling, so it was like a natural fit.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I purchased one, and I want it signed by the author.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Oh, of course.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yes, yes. Hey, it's easy to buy. It's on Amazon, so. I'm proud of my mom and my Aunt Gina.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, we're proud of you.

[Abby Howard]

What's the next book? Do you guys know the next day?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We do. We don't know when it's coming out for sure, but we. We know the place.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, but don't have to say it. We'll save it.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It's a teaser, but.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I won't hear about it after.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's exciting.

[Abby Howard]

It's a great hope.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It was fun.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That is a great hope.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

What about you, Ruth?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Makes mine seem kind of silly.

[Abby Howard]

Yours isn't silly. No, mine is silly.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, you know, I've been here. I ran away from home, so I'm not in my real home in St. Louis. I'm snowbirding, and winter's over, and I'm still here.

[Abby Howard]

And they're all like, whoa, I smelt it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Did you move there? And so my husband is coming next week, and I'm excited about that because I actually miss him. Like, I've been gone for a month without him because he comes in and leaves and comes in, but it's been a month. So he's coming in, but then. And then we'll go back to St. Louis, so I'll see my other daughters, my other family. But then it's kind of also part of my heart.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Is that what it is?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Then I'm gonna miss her.

[Abby Howard]

I know.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And my little babies.

[Abby Howard]

I know. That was my heart this week. I was like, my mom's leaving soon. And that is just.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That's my heart, too.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Cause I'll be sad. I know. Yeah. We should say that. Our moms are also friends. And it's really sweet. We do a lot of stuff together.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It wasn't too long ago that we had walked from my place over to. We just took a long walk, went through some open houses, and we went and got aci ables. And we were sitting there, and I was like, who would have ever thought when we had. When you guys had that joint wedding shower, that however many years later we'd be sitting here? This is exactly what I said. Under palm trees in Arizona. How many ace people together.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right, Exactly. Because we met the first time.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It was somewhere around then.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, somewhere around then.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But, I mean, it was just kind of crazy that, like, came full circle and we're sitting here just relaxing under the palm trees here. So that was fun. So, yeah, we do a lot of stuff.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You go to the gym together?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Go to the gym. We go shopping.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Go shopping.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Go to brunch. We're going to brunch with Addie's mom on Saturday.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Fun.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We take our. The grandkids swimming together. We come. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Park.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah. Lots of stuff.

[Abby Howard]

You guys are active. I'm like, wow, they feel we're tired. You guys are on the go.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We're in bed by eight.

[Abby Howard]

That's so fun.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I know she's not. You stay up so late.

[Abby Howard]

Really tired a lot. I don't think I would have guessed that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think it would only be fair if we give the moms opportunity to set the record straight. Because we talk about our moms. They come up frequently on our show, and sometimes we're not exactly apparently credible.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like we come home and it's like, I never said that. I never did that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Factory checkers. That will hold us accountable, and it's themselves.

[Abby Howard]

So if you want to set the record straight on anything specifically, I think we're thinking some of the sex tugs.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, I think Abby was actually correct on that one.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

She was incorrect.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We had the talk.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Really?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You just weren't listening.

[Abby Howard]

I'm pretty sure if I heard sex, my ears would have perked up.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I don't think I used the term loudly.

[Abby Howard]

Sex.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I used the term respecting your body and private parts and different terms like that.

[Abby Howard]

Sure, sure.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And the American girl doll book.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I feel like we had good puberty talks. But I wouldn't say I, like, learned, like, about intimacy. I learned that from a girl at my middle school's. Mom taught me that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

What an overstep.

[Abby Howard]

No, her mom didn't tell us it was a summer party, and she was like, you guys will never guess. My mom told me, and she told us the mechanics of it all, and we were all like, what?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Say it's not true.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Horrified.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Well, for some context, you guys, we were talking about, like, giving our kids the Talk. Then we talked about our own experiences growing up with our parents. And we all said, me, Abby, and Addy, we never got the talk. But then Shauna, Addie's mom, I'm not

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

miked up, but I have to set

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

the record straight for my mom.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She did call me and tell me

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

the talk.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't remember that happening, so.

[Abby Howard]

I know.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's funny. Addie remember it. Addie said that. Addie's mom said that. And then Ruth, you said that. And then my mom was like, no, I don't think. Well, she didn't.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Did you have any issue with it?

[Abby Howard]

No. I mean, it was. Yeah, I wasn't. It wasn't one of my issues.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You have an older sister and, you

[Abby Howard]

know, she should have taught me. But.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But I think sometimes as parents, we have schedules of how things should go and then they just don't do that. Sure, because some other kid will tell you something or beat you to it or, you know, something happens. It wasn't in our schedule or just the way you thought was going to work.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Right.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But you learned about it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I did.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We were there.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, whoever had questions, you would answer them honestly.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I genuinely didn't know for sure.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I'm sorry.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I was very sheltered, you know, I didn't. You know what? Everything worked out just fine. I was.

[Abby Howard]

But you did.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I was interested, so. Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You weren't really dating a lot, so I thought.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Well, let me figure it out. I didn't. I didn't show any interest in boys, apparently. But also, I did. I was telling you. I remember when you gave me the puberty talk, though. We were in a subway after dance. Do you remember that? A little bit. I remember. Literally, I. Like my. My soul left my body that moment. I was like, you're telling me. Me, blood. Like, I was like. I literally said. I was like. I just told Chloe that wasn't true. Was this before.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

After the. At school that you.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It was before we went to school, cuz then when school happened, I was like, oh, my gosh, she was telling the truth.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I remember the school talk too. I remember you sat me down before the school talk, and you're like, you're going to have a talk at school where you learned about these things. And then you kind of explained like, what my period was and everything. And I remember being like, oh, I just don't want that for a long time.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, good thing she didn't have to worry. Cause I got it like five years later.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Wow. Well, I was blooming for the talk at school. Because I had to. When I taught fourth grade, I had to bring my class, like, you had to divide up the girls and the boys. And I would always take the girls to the talk. And then the other teacher would take all the boys, and they'd watch movies about baby animals, and I don't know why that one. But every year, that's what they did. And then we'd come back, and then the boys would be like, where'd you guys go?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And girls would hide.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

They'd hide. We'd say, take all your stuff in your locker before you go back. You don't have to tell them where you went.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Such an ominous day for you guys.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I'm sure they give you a singular maxi pad. And I was just, like, the tiniest fork you ever cracked. I was like, this goes where? How? I just was, like, so scared. And I kept that in my locker for, like, five years.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Just, like, big secret.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Any day now, just in case. I think I was 14.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You were 14 when you got your feet.

[Abby Howard]

You were.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That was pretty old.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Well, you were at least 14.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't remember.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I remember dad. Dad brought it up when I got home that day.

[Abby Howard]

Or maybe I was in eighth grade.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't remember.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I probably told him I was 14. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I think I was 12 or 13.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Didn't I take you out, like, for a special lunch or something?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, you did. We did.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, we did.

[Abby Howard]

I think we did that with all the girls.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah. Whenever they.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We lived in a different town, we didn't have that. Subway was about. It was pretty good for.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that was really cute that you did that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, it was just kind of like a little transition into motherhood or not motherhood. Adulthood.

[Abby Howard]

There we go.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yes. Yeah, it was cute.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Kind of into.

[Abby Howard]

Yes. Becoming a young adult.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Becoming a. A young.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I do remember what you said. That wasn't quite correct.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, we also. I said, my parents have been married for 25 years.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

They married over 30. 32 this year.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, my gosh.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You really don't show anybody doing the math.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She did have to count before this episode.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I was like, I know it's more

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

than that, but because I'm 27, she's like, you're scandalizing me.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And I'm like, this is not correct. I need credit for every one of those years. So.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So she did fact check me on that. I was like, why did no one. I didn't even. I said it so confidently.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We even did something for our 30th but that she came with.

[Abby Howard]

But anyway, are you guys at 35?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

36.

[Abby Howard]

36.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We're at 36.

[Abby Howard]

Yes. You guys are both impressive and we want to hear all your guys advice throughout this episode.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So I'm glad that we set the record straight for you guys. Sorry about that and sorry for any other misinformation we spread about you in the future.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And probably won't be the next time. Feel free to get it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

As long as it's good information, I'm okay with it. Fine.

[Abby Howard]

We just slander your name.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Mom's been married for 25 years. I'm 27.

[Abby Howard]

Job going away. Well, should we move on to our segment? We prepared a fun little game for you guys.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. This game is called agree to disagree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Hannah's gonna pass out our paddles. Thank you, Hannah. It's just for you guys.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I guess this is just a fun game. I don't know. I think it. They offer a lot of conversation starters too.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So, okay, feel free to expand upon your answers. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

They are categorized. Marriage, parenting, working moments.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That's it.

[Abby Howard]

Mary's very working mom. That does. Okay, the first one is, do you guys agree or disagree that you should never go to bed angry? This is in the marriage category.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That you should. Or that you have.

[Abby Howard]

You should never go to bed angry.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I agree. That's a good plan.

[Abby Howard]

You shouldn't.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Has it always happened?

[Abby Howard]

That's good.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I disagree. I think it depends on what you want to get back out of the fight.

[Abby Howard]

Like, if you want to keep talking about it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Like if it keeps happening and hasn't changed, then go to bed angry and wake up the next morning and see if you can get what you wanted out of it.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Although that is a point. Maybe if you're like, you know, heat of the moment, you would say things that you shouldn't. That maybe if you sleep on it, you could be more rational about it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right, right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Thank you. Now I can't maybe sleep as well.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But yes, that's true.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But yes, yes, you can collect your thoughts.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And I mean, for the most part, no, you should not go to bed angry. No, you should. That's not good. But I think every once in a while you just prove a little point.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, that's good. You're not being.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

This is a generational thing in a way. Like, whereas, like, their advice was like, it was like, you should never go to bed angry. But now our generation's like, you should sleep on it. Sleep on it, get some rest.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I agree with you. I'm like. I usually need. Like, I'm an internal processor, so I usually have to sit on my thoughts for a long time before I can verbalize what I want to say.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, I can't sleep.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh.

[Abby Howard]

Usually I bring it up, like, if there's something that comes up the next three days, and I'm like, you know, three days. Because it just. I'm thinking about it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She's so patient.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That's a long time.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But I have a diary of the mouth. Okay, the next question. Do you agree or disagree? Your spouse should come before your kids.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh, this is tough.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

My mom disagrees.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I know the right answer, but I don't know if I.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I disagree, too.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'm gonna disagree.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. Elaborate.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I mean, I know the right answer is supposed to be your husband first, but.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right. I. I just put my kids in front of everything, and my husband's okay with that. So you guys both did it? Yeah, we both did it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

It didn't jeopardize our relationship. It's just we worked it out with whatever the kids needed, and one of us took care of it. It wasn't. What we need isn't always what the kids need. Kids need different things than what adults need. Adults can satisfy what we need when the kids aren't there.

[Abby Howard]

It's true.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Does that make sense?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You know.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You know, when you've got kids, they need you, and they need you, you know, more than your husband does, I guess.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Once you're a mother, you're always a mother. And we're not our husband's mothers.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

They can take care of themselves.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

They're your dad's mom, for sure.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I hope they don't watch this.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No. Do you think Dad's gonna watch this episode?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't know.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I know dad. Yeah, dad will watch it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

He wants them all.

[Abby Howard]

That's so sweet. Yes, I get what you're saying. I also wonder, too. Like, I feel like this is really popular advice. Obviously, keep your spouse first. And I agree with it, and I feel like we'll always try to do that. But I also wonder, like, when you have multiple kids and they're at different ages and different phases, like, some times I feel like the need is just so high or great. So I'm sure it'll fluctuate throughout the years.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes, it does. Seasons. It changes all the time.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Different phases of school and. Yes. Different ages. You know, it changes.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

That's good. Yes. Okay. Marriage gets harder after kids. Would you agree or disagree?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't even hardly remember time, but yeah. Yes. I'd say agree. I would say agree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I agree. I think marriage gets better.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I mean, there's more people to consider, and there's more issues that come up and where the money goes and where time goes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right, right.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Right. I wish I could hang out with you and dad when you were 27. That would be so fun. I'd be like, what? Would we have been friends?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Sure.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Would you think? You. Sure. I don't think dad would hang out with anybody. Dad's kind of introverted, so I don't know if he would have hung out with a lot of people, but it's just so interesting to think about, like, our parents being, like, young.

[Abby Howard]

Sorry.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Oh, wow. I'm sorry. Oh, wow.

[Abby Howard]

That came out not when I was parents with littles, like, your age.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Your age.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Our age. It's like, we're friends now, so surely we would have friends then.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But it is like, I just. I wish I could just see a snapshot. I wish you guys had some videos.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I know. We do have videos. Tons of videos.

[Abby Howard]

Not videos of. I mean, I feel like we have videos of, obviously, our family growing up, but not video of you and dad and, like, you're dating and when you were younger and you and dad had us later, too, so I feel like you had so many lives before you had kids.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We did.

[Abby Howard]

My dad was 40 when he had me.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

He was 40 when he had.

[Abby Howard]

Because he had. 45.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

He was 45.

[Abby Howard]

He had Sophie.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Almost 45. Yeah. And so I feel like that's just a whole life before, you know, I'm like.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

Like in your 30s.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I was 28, 29 when we got married, and he was 34. So, yes, we did. We did have.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, we were cool back then. I know you.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I guess.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You were.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You were.

[Abby Howard]

And I just wish I. Yeah, but we did.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We did have fun. It was fun. Yes, but we would have been friends.

[Abby Howard]

We would have been friends.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, we had kids right away when we got married, but we wanted kids right away, so. I mean, it only gets harder if you can't compromise on stuff. So as long as you're talking through issues and talking about stuff and you compromise and you're on the right page for everything. I never thought it was harder. It was just different than not having kids and being single. But I think it also. When you're young parents or just parents of young kids and stuff, you learn to communicate with each other.

[Abby Howard]

So pregnancy and postpartum are some of the most nutritional. Nutritionally. Demanding times in a woman's life. And there are so many options for supplements. That's why we want to thank Needed for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Needed offers products that are formulated by experts in women's health and recommended by over 6, 000 practitioners.

[Abby Howard]

Their starter plan includes a prenatal multi made with bioavailable nutrient forms paired with sustainably sourced Omega 3, which these two essential products are designed to meet mothers and babies optimal micronutrient needs.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Up to 95 of women in the perinatal stages have nutrient deficiencies. We deserve to thrive, not just survive. NEEDED offers radically better nutrition products, education and advocacy rooted in clinical research and practitioner validation.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like as a woman, there's so much about my body that I don't know much about. And so I really appreciate how NEEDED has put a lot of time and effort into clinically validating their products and just really doing the research that we can trust that what they're giving us is actually good for our bodies.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Right. I just knew that something was different about life. I was like, something is different. I don't know what's going on. But I love that also that it has that validation by practitioners too, that really adds to my trust of them.

[Abby Howard]

Absolutely. Head over to ThisIsNeeded.com and use code always here for 20 off your first order. That's this is needed. T-H-I S I S N-E-E-D-COM and use code always here for 20 OFF your first order.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

The next one is you should combine all finances after getting married. Financial question in there.

[Abby Howard]

Here we go.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

This is what works for us. Us, not maybe what works for everybody.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay, so, so is an agree or disagree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'm agree. Because that's what has worked for us, but it could totally work different for somebody else. So I don't think it's like a hard and fast rule for people, but for us, that's what we did.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So I got married pretty young too.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I was right out of college.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. It's not like you had like 2 years old, lived this career, made your own independent.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We didn't have any money hardly to combine either.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's easier when you don't have it. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You got nothing to combine. You're like, let's do it together.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah. So that's how we've always done it ever since we married. And I think actually before we were married, we went to like a financial counselor and they said that's what you should do. So we just did it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You're like, check.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, we did it. So.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And so we didn't. Yeah. We didn't have our own money. Kind of like a bunch of money saved up before we were married then, you know, have to change our ways and how we did it. We just always had it combined.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, Yeah, I. I agree. I don't think there's anything. I think unless you're marrying into somebody with some generational wealth, it gets a little spicy there. I think, as women shop differently than men do. And most of the time, mothers are the ones who shop for the needs of our kids. And so if the father is in charge of all the finances and he can't figure out why, every time you go to Target or Walmart or something, it's 200 bucks.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And you get tired of explaining that. I think it's okay for the mom to have some little fun money that she can go out and do, you know, if she wants to get her nails done or it's just her money that no one can ask her about. What did she do with her, that money? Yeah, that's because in our marriage, sometimes that became conversations. They weren't disagreements, they weren't fights. They were just like, oh, my gosh, you went to Target five times this week, and you, you know, how much toilet paper did you buy? You know, just that kind of stuff. So it's like, well, no, I didn't really go to Target, but I went and got my nails done. But if you want, I think I went to Target. Okay.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You know, just kind of like, you

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

know, just some things just. Yeah. Make it life a little easier all around.

[Abby Howard]

Well, you can have combined. That's what we do. We have combined finances, but we have a bud. You each get a budgeted fun month.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Monthly allowance, each of us. And we get to not ask. Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I still have my funny baby.

[Abby Howard]

The next one is, it's okay to keep small secrets from your spouse. Do you agree or disagree?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, you just said you have small secrets. The target versus the nail.

[Abby Howard]

But that's not really a secret because

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

he knows about it, but depends, I guess, what the secret is. Small secrets.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Like, what's a small secret?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Like anything that you're intentionally. Like, it's like, if it didn't come up, that doesn't count.

[Abby Howard]

Like anything.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You're like, I'm not gonna. I'm gonna intentionally avoid bringing this thing up.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay. I'm gonna go with agree. If that's the definition. If it's gonna. If it's Gonna eliminate a problem by not bringing it up. Sure.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Especially if it has to do with the kids. If your kids say, don't tell dad.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You know, I think I just always

[Abby Howard]

assumed you did tell dad.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, you know, I mean, my whole thing was, I don't keep secrets from dad, but if that's something he doesn't really need to know, then of course I don't have to tell dad. But.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, you don't need to tell about my periods and stuff like that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No, but I did.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, well, she did.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She told my dad when I got my first bra.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Embarrassed me so bad.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, when you walk around and you're crabby and, oh, I'm in pain and I hurt, I might not want to go to school the next day. And Dad's like, what, is she sick? No, it's, you know, Aunt Flo's visiting. It's, you know, that thing.

[Abby Howard]

So. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You did not keep any secrets from.

[Abby Howard]

I don't. I don't really think you kept secrets from Dad.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I didn't. No. It's not worth it. You're getting a big fight.

[Abby Howard]

Like, it's okay, but I don't think you do.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't do it, but it's okay.

[Abby Howard]

You guys don't have to appease the people together.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Like, I don't know what you could do in secret from dad.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Now he's working from home. That's kind of.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

They're always together.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, that's how you and dad are, too. Well, not right now. You're like, yeah, not right now.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Dad would not survive it if you've gone a month.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

He wouldn't. He wouldn't eat.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I would have to go over and do something.

[Abby Howard]

This isn't about us.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, this one's about. Okay, we're taking it about us. Okay, Be. Be honest. You think. Did we get married too young? Agree or disagree? We got married too young. Agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Agree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

This is no big secret. We thought that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, right.

[Abby Howard]

Knows that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We thought.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We thought that. When you think that.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, well, that's a hard question.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Wait, what's the question? Do we still think that you can

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

take it however you will?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay, well, it's okay if you still think that at the beginning. Yes, I thought that. Now, clearly, you've made it through, so.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Seven year itch.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay, you guys showed us.

[Abby Howard]

Take that, ladies.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Take that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Both of our moms were not.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

They weren't on board.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Not on board.

[Abby Howard]

Which is good. It's good to be the voice. Good to have a Voice of reason back. And especially when you are young. I mean, I was 23. You were 19, right?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

She was 20. She's 20.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, you were 20. 19 feels way different than 20.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But you were still in college. That's a huge.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That's a huge thing.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And that 19 feels illegal.

[Abby Howard]

I do want to say this.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

This is what Matt did on her. You know, I'm super emotional because it was in high school. It was on her dance, the last dance recital, which if you're a mom of a girl who's gone all the way through, that's an emotional night. It was also her high school graduation. And we. I took him with to go get flowers because he wanted to go get flowers. And he was like, hey, Laurie, I didn't know what you would think if I was going to. If Abby and I would get married young. And I proposed to. And I was like, this is the absolute worst timing of all timing to say something to me about it. I'm like, I'm already, like, on the verge of tears. And this is what you say to me now?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I wasn't privy to that information at the time.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, that was.

[Abby Howard]

I get that.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I thought about. I can remember exactly where we were going to the flowers.

[Abby Howard]

You're like, I'm.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And I brought this up to him before. That was horrible to.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She's brought up many times.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And we had our older daughter, Olivia, who was engaged and was. You know, we were planning her wedding. And Caleb said something to us about, you know, if.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

If.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I think he wanted to meet us for lunch. And we're like, no, no, we know what he wants. No. And I think at one point, you're

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

busy at that time, I saw you

[Abby Howard]

were busy every day.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

My husband said, don't ask us till after Olivia's wedding. And the day after Olivia's wedding, he texts us, hey, you guys free Monday for lunch?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We just had a wedding. Can you wait till next Monday? Listen.

[Abby Howard]

And we said, it's doing. They loved it, ladies.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

They did.

[Abby Howard]

Well, we've been married seven years now, both of us.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And you guys are married 32. You guys are 36.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

36.

[Abby Howard]

Is there anything that you guys feel like, what's the biggest lesson you've learned after being married this long that you can impart to us because we're still growing up?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

The biggest lesson I've learned, I mean, I just think, always talk and communicate, compromise on stuff. And even though you know you're always right, just let them think they're right sometimes. That's a big part.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't know. I also want to clear the air. You got married super young, too, Mom. 23. Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Is that how old I would have been?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

22 or 23?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No, that was old for back then, when we were young.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I mean, I graduated. I wanted you to graduate college first.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That was her thing. It wasn't necessarily the ages. She wanted me to graduate college first. Did you think I wasn't going to finish?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, there was a very distinct possibility. I felt like that was.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I did. I graduated.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

She did. By the skin.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I heard for you.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Not my grade.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No. I got all A's.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It has nothing to do with grades. No, I just. Because I felt like you were just gonna bail. But you did get your degree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No. Yeah, I thought I was gonna bail, too. I was losing interest quick.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Can I also just say this? We need to air this out. Blake got married before he graduated, too, and I don't think he heard two words about it.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, at that point, I'd given up, so, I mean, what, could you, like

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Addie better than Matt? Is that what it was?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She tried to set me up with Matt, like, then she.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That is true.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She did.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That is true. From a very young age. And. Yeah, because. And Theresa and I were friends. Theresa, Matt's mom and I were friends, and we met really early on when she was at the Muni. Matt was at the Muni. And I love Theresa, and I loved Matt, and any other boy that would be around, I'd be like, but he's not Matt Howard. And she's like, but we don't. She's like, I don't know, Matt. You know, we're not even in the same town. And somehow that worked out. Came back to buy the bun four years later. Yeah. Yeah. And then I'm like, wow, I didn't ask for it this soon, though.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So funny.

[Abby Howard]

I love that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That's cute. I didn't know that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I asked earlier, before we filmed this, what advice you would give or what you've learned in 30 years of marriage.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You gotta just kind of keep your mouth closed sometimes of things that, like, you'd like it to be a certain way, and you'd maybe like things to be done a certain way, but you're like, in the grand scheme of things, it's not that big of a deal. Let's just go with it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It is really funny to see how you and dad. It wasn't until I got married myself, like, some of the flows that you guys had fallen Into. I was like, that was really unique to them that this was how they did it. Like, how. Because you just learn to just adapt to each other. And I was like, that's just how their marriage works.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah. And it's not necessarily because I always want something that certain way. It's just like, whatever, we'll just go with it because.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, but she'll make every single phone call. Because my dad cannot make a phone call. She's like, that's on me.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, everybody has their strengths, right?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

So. Yeah. I mean, for years. For years, because of my husband's occupation, if he could. He wasn't a complainer. He didn't want any controversy. So if there was something that was slightly controversial, I took care of it.

[Abby Howard]

So, like, what? What do you mean?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Just a nice way of saying that I had to be the mean person sometimes.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Because he's like, public facing.

[Abby Howard]

He's a public figure. Yeah. In St. Louis.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes, in St. Louis. So, you know, I had to handle that stuff too sometimes, you know.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. I love the admin stuff.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

And get on people.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

P.S.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

that's good.

[Abby Howard]

That's good advice. I feel like both of you guys are like, compromise and pick your battles.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I think those are. That's great advice. Yeah. The next one is, do you agree or disagree that date nights are essential, not optional?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'm gonna say agree, but it's also hard to do at some. I'm sure at some stages. I mean, you know, if you are a parent living in a city where you have nobody to watch your kids and it's expensive probably to hire babysitters, plus you gotta be careful with who you hire. You know, you gotta know they're trustworthy. And I can see where a lot of people would be very uncomfortable with that. But so then I guess, like, I think you've done this too. Like date nights at home and stuff. Like, after you put the kids to bed, you know, you don't have to go out somewhere and maybe you don't. You know, not everybody wants to spend the money on it or like I said, has the childcare. But I think it's important to do things without the kids because at some point your kids aren't going to be there anymore. Then you're like, well, now what do we do? Or what do we talk about? And so you have to have something all along that you're still just like the two of you can connect on.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, I totally agree with everything you just said.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Growing up, mom and dad went on dates Every Friday night. And we stayed at Grandma. Grandpa.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And sometimes maybe they weren't fun. We just would go home and fall asleep sometimes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's all you.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But we would stay at our grandparents house Friday night, Saturday morning. And that. We just knew that that was mom and dad's.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, I mean, we did actually go to dinner with. Dinner. And then you just would spend the night there.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, that was nice. Yeah. Because you girls would go over and spend the night at grandma's too.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, you know, not consistently, but.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Not consistently. But yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's so good that we did that though too, because I was a separation anxiety kid. And if I hadn't, like, I don't know if I would have ever been able to do a sleepover at a friend's house if I hadn't been staying regularly overnight with my grandparents or even gone to college. I remember when mom dropped me off at college, I was literally just like, you're just gonna leave me here?

[Abby Howard]

No, literally, you're like watching them drive away. You're like, bye.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I was just sobbing. I was outside the dorm holding a toothpaste and toothbrush. I was like, what did she. And we were in the car sobbing.

[Abby Howard]

So, yes, abandonment.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I thought about that moment for years before it happened. Just making myself miserable.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

The whole weekend of standing out of the dorm was. I was just ill. I was like, they're gonna leave. What are we gonna do?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You would've said the word.

[Abby Howard]

I went home. Get me out of here.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I know if I would have said

[Abby Howard]

the word, I'd take it home.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So I had to just keep my mouth shut. I think it was like the most awkward, awkward goodbye because I was just

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

like, well, I hated all the, you know, I could have been a better parent and been so looking forward to all the college visits and stuff, but I dreaded it because. And then you were looking at colleges that were far away and I thought,

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

yeah, that's a whole nother episode. Shopping for colleges and oh, I'm ill sororities.

[Abby Howard]

I want to go to California and Hawaii. And you're like, you'll never see me.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You're not even considering it. My biggest state of Missouri, she did

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

go one semester to Indiana.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you, mom.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No, my whole big thing with that was that I'm not paying for another state state school. So if you're looking at a state school, you're not getting a scholarship, you're going to our state school.

[Abby Howard]

I think that's a good rule.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah. But if you look at a private school and you get Scholarships. Let's go look at them. And that's what our oldest daughter did. She went to tcu. And that was great. And it was fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you had a scholarship at U of Indy.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, you could kind of call it that. It wasn't much, but you did.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You did.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Actually.

[Abby Howard]

Was. So $5,000. It's like, nothing.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Semester books.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Should we do the rest of these marriage ones? Rapid fire.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, do it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay, this one. You should always consult your spouse before making big decisions.

[Abby Howard]

Agree or disagree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

In your marriages, who do you think wears the pants, you or your husband?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, Abby, I'm gonna say I'm me.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I'm mom for sure. Wears the pants.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I think we equally wear the pants in our family. I think when he thinks he's wearing the pants, I put those pants on him.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

There you go.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You're like, I agreed.

[Abby Howard]

She's an orchestrator.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think dad handed the pants to Mom. I mean. Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

He was like, please take care of this.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay, so back to that one.

[Abby Howard]

You should always consult your spouse before making big decisions.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. Agree or disagree? Rapid fire.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Sorry. Agree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, I agree.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I agree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Going through your partner's phone is okay.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Ooh, I agree.

[Abby Howard]

I agree, too, Lori.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I've never honestly thought about it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I've never done it. I've never done it. Why would it not be okay?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, I guess.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Is it a breach of privacy when

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

you're married for 36 years? There is no privacy.

[Abby Howard]

There's no privacy.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's what some people's arguments.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

He wouldn't care.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

He would. Hand it over, John.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

My husband, wouldn't care.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's healthy to spend time apart regularly.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Agree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I knew she was gonna have a fast degree on that one.

[Abby Howard]

Mom has my whole.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Her algorithm's feeding her people solo, living their nighttime routine.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I just look at the room like, wow. She just comes home to her clean apartment every night. She gets on her jammies.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She's like, her house is perfectly clean, just how she likes it. And she makes a. She's serving dessert.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

This girl has a lot of people up on her because everybody wants that.

[Abby Howard]

I'm thinking dinners with no protein.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Dad's like, I'm getting exactly. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

That's so great. I know you agree. You've been here a month without Dad.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I know

[Abby Howard]

social media has a negative impact on marriages. Agree or disagree?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I think agree a lot of time. You think that all the time. But I think social media would not be good in a lot of instances. Not just with marriage.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I don't know what to say about that. Maybe because social media is new to my generation. You're a little bit younger if you let social media mess up your marriage, that's dumb. I don't know.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I agree.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. What are your thoughts on Abby and I sharing our lives online?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I don't have a problem with it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I like it.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I have mixed feelings. There's some things that are good and some things are. And again, yeah, we didn't grow up with social media.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Let's just say everyone in my family is very private. Maybe a little bit more introverted as well. And then there's me. I mean, what are you gonna do about it?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But I think nobody talks about how hard it is. Like, you have little kids and, you know, everybody thinks it's hardest, but I think it's the hardest when you kind of have lost that control kind of. And what they're doing and then they become an adult, and all of a sudden, like, you don't have that. You can't say, well, now we're going to dance, or, now we're gonna do this. It's like they're doing their own thing, and it's hard to switch over that control of knowing what they're doing all the time and directing all that and then saying this is their life and this is what they want to do. And it may not be my favorite thing always, but it's not my place to say it. Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I'm proud of you girls. And I think what you guys do, I think the way that you handle what you're doing is very classy. You're always very kind. You're not controversial and stuff, and I think that's good.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, and they're also the exact same way online that they are in real life. Like, there's no difference.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Exactly.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

There's no. Like, this is fake and this is real and right. This is. I mean, so often, like, I've heard, like, online, like, either you guys are talking in the podcast or you're filming something, and I'm. Oftentimes you've been filling something, and I'm like, thinking she's talking to me because that is exactly how she is all the time. And it's not like a put on, it's not a show. It's just filming how she normally would be or you too.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So this is a big reason why I don't even share my kids on social media. But I imagine being in your position, seeing your child be subject to scrutiny, like, things like that. That would make any mom uncomfortable. So I do. It's worse for you than it is for me.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I guarantee you nobody wants to see or hear anything negative about your child. And then.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah. If you put yourself out there, no matter who you are, people are going to do that sometimes. And that is hard as a mother to see that that would. Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

So these people out here that we don't see, they should stop that.

[Abby Howard]

They should just be kind to you

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

girls in our comment sections.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like you were desensitized to a lot of it just because of dad's job.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes, that's true. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

My dad was on radio for 50 years. 50 years.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

50 years.

[Abby Howard]

And so he's always just been. I feel like you're just kind of desensitized to some of that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Some of the public facing life.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. The next one is you should protect your marriage from outside opinions. Even family agree or disagree from.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Like your own kids not liking your marriage.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know if I agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't know exactly what.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I think if you have a good marriage, there's. Nobody is pointing fingers either way. I think if you have a bad marriage and people, you should listen to them. If you have a bad marriage and people are talking to you about it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. So true.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Last one. For marriage. PDA is fine. Especially in front of family.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

There's a wide range of pda.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

We're so mixed on this. In this room. It's so funny. We probably land non pda. You guys land more pda.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Am I included in the.

[Abby Howard]

They are.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think you're pda. I. That's. I see dad smack your butt a lot. You sit on dad's lap.

[Abby Howard]

She's.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I see. I see you guys hug and kiss and you guys had a love corner in our kitchen growing up.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Lori, it's kind of just a joke.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I couldn't see what was happening behind the fridge. I just. It's just a joke. Oh, my God.

[Abby Howard]

Funny, that's sweet. Funny.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That's weird because I would not have considered myself a pda.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't think you consider yourself pda, but when it comes to.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You guys are way more.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Is that bad?

[Abby Howard]

No.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She's like, please stop. I'm used to it. You have one kid that's PDA and one that's not at all.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Like an Addie are not. Me and Matt are two pda. Clearly. You did live in my house.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Maybe happy in the middle.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I think you guys are a happy medium.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I've seen you kiss and say sweet stuff.

[Abby Howard]

Just once. No, I'm just kidding. No, I think we're like mildly pda. I'm not as embarrassed about it as I used to be. I used to be really nervous about it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You were?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I was like, don't even hug me in front of my parents. They're right there.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well, yeah. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I don't know why. I was just so uncomfortable. He would Caleb tried to hold my hand in like college. I was like, sorry, but my parents are here. Yeah, but now it's not as weird.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Well, now I feel weird. Moving on to parenting thank you so much to Quinn's for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Abby Howard]

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[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I love my cashmere dress that I have from them. It fits the bump and I know it's also going to suit me after the baby comes too. And it just feels like such an elevated classic in my wardrobe that I can dress up and dress down in multiple different ways.

[Abby Howard]

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[Addie (Abby's sister)]

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[Abby Howard]

Everything at quince is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middleman. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship, but you're not paying for the brand markup.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Seriously, I can't recommend Quince enough to you guys. I feel like it is so underrated and what you get is so high quality. So refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Go to quince.comabby for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quince.com Abbey for free shipping and 365 day Returns. Quince.com Abbey pregnancy is more mentally difficult than physically difficult.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Agree?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Disagree.

[Abby Howard]

You think pregnancy is more physically difficult than mentally?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You do? Yes. Especially after your first. It's just all physical. You already know what's happening.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

For me because of previous situations. It is the most mentally difficult thing I've ever done.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Of anything. And it's so way more than physical. Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah. Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Pregnancy brain is a myth.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Disagree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Disagree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. So, yes, we also. You were working full time when you were pregnant. I can't.

[Abby Howard]

I can't imagine. Yeah. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Well.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And you taught school, so you had your home kids and your overloads.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. Having kids made me lose a part of myself.

[Abby Howard]

Agree or disagree?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Totally disagree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Disagree.

[Abby Howard]

It's a good sweetie.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Disagree. I love seeing what my body made that look like me. Even though you look nothing like me.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I do.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's really true. Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But you were in here.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. I sometimes have been asked if I have different parents.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think you have the same smile.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You think so?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I can see it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I can see it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No, I feel like you did. You did, like, what's the word? You prepared me well, though, for, like, that brief postpartum period, like, right after you have the baby, where I was like, I'm having an identity crisis. Like, I don't. Nothing I used to think sounded fun was fun. You, like, kind of prepared me. You're like. It gets weird at the beginning.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Postpartum is a real thing, and if anybody thinks it's not, they're wrong. You can't help it. You really can't help it. But you get over that quickly and. Yeah, I can't help it. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You told me. You're like, it'll feel way different soon.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And it did.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It was good advice.

[Abby Howard]

Breastfeeding is better than formula. Agree or disagree?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Disagree. So I don't know. I don't know. I just am saying that because I didn't, you know, that's why we put

[Abby Howard]

those questions in here.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You didn't.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You didn't nurse.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I did not.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I tried and it didn't work. Same. Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'm sure there's a lot of benefits to breastfeeding, but if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And I don't think you should. I think what's worse is stress yourself out about and stress your body out about it and think. And I also don't think you should think that you've done something wrong or, you know, less of yourself as a mom if you don't. So is it, you know, medically better? I don't. I don't know. But it doesn't hurt your child at all if you don't.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right. I think they've come so far with formula. Yeah. That it's probably just equal. And I think that.

[Abby Howard]

I don't think it's equal to me. Just like sciency.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I think it's equal. I think the benefits.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We won't get into those hot takes, but I. I think there's more, that there's more than one way that is the right way.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Sure.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And you just want a healthy, happy child.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And you have to do what works for you. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I think that's true.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Mom. You went back. You had to go back to work, like, six weeks later.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, yeah, that would have been. I mean, that was part of the problem. Part of it is that it was kind of a. Your birth was a little traumatic.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We pumped quickly, and so we had metal pumps. You guys have these fun little plastically plastic metal pumps. We had metal pumps.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That feels like it's for a cow.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes, it was. And it hurt, but women did it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, my gosh. Moms will do anything, man. If men had to give birth, humanity would end.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

You gotta hold your sign up.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'd say there'd be a few men that would keep a few kids coming.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So that's what I said, Mom. That's what I said. And Addie and Abby said, disagree on that question. I was like, there would be a

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

few guys that would come through, but.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And I said if they do, they would have one.

[Abby Howard]

That's what I said.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

There's no one that would have multiple. No.

[Abby Howard]

I said it wouldn't end.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No.

[Abby Howard]

I think men would have won and then never do it again. But then you pointed out the fact that that would end.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That would end eventually.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Two people only making one.

[Abby Howard]

Right. Doesn't add up to 3, so.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Doesn't add up to even 2. Stabilizing the population.

[Abby Howard]

Exactly. So I get. I get it. I changed my answer on that one.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay. Thank you. I stand by that. I'm doubling down. Gender reveals should be canceled. Lay it on us. It's fine.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Disagree. I don't know.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Disagree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't. I think you're just celebrating. You're just happy and, you know, don't care what you're having generally, but it's just kind of a fun celebration thing and get together with your friends and you're happy either way, so why not celebrate with people?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah. Right.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You both love a good party.

[Abby Howard]

You do. You guys are both good party throwers.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's so true. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. I don't even know if you guys. If you know what this is, but gentle parenting is the best approach. Do you know what that is?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Like the method.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I think I'm kind of learning through some things. You do gentle parenting? Gentle? No, I don't think so. I disagree.

[Abby Howard]

What was the question? Gentle parenting is the best approach. I don't even know what the method is.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I would need more of a definition of.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Well, I think that your parenting was gentle, so you didn't really have any strict rules for me, and you said best approach. I don't actually really think I had any consequences.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

There weren't. There weren't. It was pretty smooth sailing, though. We didn't have.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You are a good kid.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I mean.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Thank you.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Abby had consequences.

[Abby Howard]

I had a lot of time out. I remember on my knees, facing that wall.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh, yeah. And don't touch it.

[Abby Howard]

Don't touch the wall, and don't look at the tv.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I'm actually proud to say I bought CJ his timeout chair.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, we don't make him kneel. He just sits like a little priest.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

He just sits. He sits.

[Abby Howard]

These kids have it so easy these days. Okay. Gentle parenting is way easier today than it was back in the day. Agree or disagree?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'm gonna say disagree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I'm gonna disagree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Really?

[Abby Howard]

Why?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, I think it's harder now, I do think, because of social media and because of so many things that are easily accessible to kids that you didn't.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You didn't. They didn't have. What am I trying to say?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Access to at one time. You know, and so there's more things to have to figure out than just your friends that you go to school with. It's people online and how to stay safe and what's appropriate. Not appropriate on that kind of stuff. And so that was not even a thing.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right, Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You know, however many years ago.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right. And you knew your communities better when you lived in a neighborhood. You knew every neighbor, everything about most of the neighbors and the kids. I don't feel that that's the way it is nowadays, you know, in certain. In your neighborhoods. And it doesn't matter what social economic figure. And I just think that you just don't know them.

[Abby Howard]

No, I think that's, like, a fact.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's factual.

[Abby Howard]

More people are becoming more individualistic. Is that what it is?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

For sure. Like, we don't now we have Uber, so you don't have to call your friend to take you to the airport. We have doordash. So if you need a cup of sugar, you don't go to your neighbor's house to ask for a cup of sugar. We just keep trending that way. We often feel like we're inconveniencing those around us. Whereas, like, it used to be more like. Yeah, like carpool. You really relied on each other.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

Those are really good examples.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But just there's so much access to things that are unsafe, too now, that there was never.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

There was a telephone, you know, at one point, and that's it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's true.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay. You guys brought up good points.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, those are really good. It's good for kids to be bored. Agree or disagree?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I agree. I agree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, come on, Mom. I feel like all summer long we'd be like, mom, we're bored. Like, go find something to do.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I mean, I don't think kids should be catered to and, like, you should be supplying something for them to do all the time. So if that's what you mean.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, that's kind of what that means.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No, I don't think that as a parent, you should be constantly giving them something to do because, you know, you lose your imagination, you lose play, all that kind of stuff. But do I like it if you're bored? No. I would probably say, yeah, go find something to do.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, that's a good one. Screen time is more harmful than helpful.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I agree. And I disagree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Same.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

My kids had screen time, but they did not have their own TVs. But we didn't also have our own computers or own iPads or anything. But what we watched was like, Sesame street or Barney or. Which was helpful in learning. I thought that was very helpful in learning. But screen time, playing video games, and I don't like that, you know?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, I think you know everything in moderation. And if you are choosing the right programs with the right amount of time, then that's good.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Griffin's been loving Zaboomafu recently, and it's very educational. He knows more about certain animals.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

He absolutely does.

[Abby Howard]

What is that? What is that?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's a 90s show. It's like they lemur and these two brothers. It's like real people and real animals.

[Abby Howard]

And. Wait, did I watch this?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's a 90s show.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I had never heard of it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I don't. I've never heard of it.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But the other day, he's like, honey, did you know jaguars are the number one predators in the whole United States? And I'm like, he said the world.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's misinformation.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

He said the world.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Griffin spreads information.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No, I spread it wrong. But he knows. Yeah, he.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Watch out.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Say the name again.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's a boomafoo.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like I did watch this, but also probably not 99 to 2001.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I never heard of it before. And I had to have it multiple times.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

He loves it and I'm like, this is something that feels good for him to watch. He's like so obsessed with it. But I agree. Like, I feel like here's my thing. As a modern day. No one asked my opinion.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Give it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

As a modern day parent, I feel like it is more. I feel more of a, like a responsibility to limit it because of the access that you guys were talking about and also because of the fact that like, it's completely whatever. Like everything is out there, whim. Whereas, like when we were watching tv, we had to have it. Like, I knew the channels I was allowed to watch and not allowed to watch. I had to wait through the commercials. I didn't get to choose exactly what I wanted every single time. And so there's something in your brain where it's like a slower pace. Like I had to sit down. I've seen this episode of Hannah Montana five times. But sit and watch it again. And it's not like the, the short form content or like all these, you know, everything's at your fingertips and you can. Kids know how to operate these things. They're just born with it, right? So I feel like that's where we have to like be aggressive with it and monitor it. And monitor it like crazy. Yes.

[Abby Howard]

That's really good. Oh, you should limit how much you share about your kids online. Agree or disagree?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I agree. I totally agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, not, I mean, for their safety, for. And plus, at some point they might say, why did you ever say that about me? You know, I don't want that shared about my life. That's not their choice.

[Abby Howard]

So totally. Thank you to Honey Love for sponsoring this portion of today's episode.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Why is it so hard to find comfortable bras and shapewear?

[Abby Howard]

I don't know. I've never actually been successful until now.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I'm really genuinely excited about Honey Love's products. Honey Love is an independent female founded brand. All Honey Love products are intelligently designed by women who actually wear them, including founder Betsy, who is highly involved in the development of each product.

[Abby Howard]

The founder, you know, is wearing loves the products. You know, they're good. Their bras are supportive and wire free thanks to Bondi technology that lifts without underwire. You deserve a bra that's lightweight and comfortable without sacrificing support. Shout that again for people in the back.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We need the support. We need it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Bonnie Love Shapewear uses targeted Compression to enhance your curves and instead of squeeze them, it's designed to work with your body, not against it. It's just as easy to get on as it is to take off. And was made with a convenient opening in the panty area for super easy bathroom trips. Wow. No costume change required. We could all use a little extra confidence boost sometimes, especially as women, we go through so many changes. Like, I need a little boost.

[Abby Howard]

And the ease of getting them off and on. Are you sweating when you're wearing your formal wear and you go to take your stretch? The thought you're like, I literally can't get out of this. So I love that they make them easy to get off.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I feel great in them.

[Abby Howard]

Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shaper on the market and use our exclusive link to save 20% off honey [e-mail] Abby that's honeylove.com Abby. After you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them. And please support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard and comfort and support with Honey Love, Mom. Guilt never really goes away. Agree or disagree?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I agree.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, first of all, you kids never let us it go away. You always bring up things that we did wrong. Well, remember when mom said that or mom did that or something?

[Abby Howard]

We lay it on thick. You lay it on thick.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She's too sensitive.

[Abby Howard]

Make it hurt if you cry more often. We'll lay off now.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, okay, Mom.

[Abby Howard]

I just pout and get mad. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No, I don't think. I don't. Nothing comes to mind.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We all have things we think we could have done better, which at the time was just perfectly fine for you guys when we were raising you. But in our minds, we think we could have done stuff better.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think that's healthy.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, totally. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Doesn't make it easier to live with. This one says you should trust your parenting instincts over advice from other people.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes, I agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, I think you. I mean, I think there's nothing wrong with if you have some good people that, you know, give you advice that you need to take it under consideration. I guess. But no matter what, you would know better than any anybody else.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay, we're moving on to a short working mom section. Oh, this one is actually. This one. I'm really interested, like, on what your take is on it.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Because I think it's conversation that is hot nowadays. Not, like controversial, but, like, there's just. I mean, controversial in the sense that people think differently about it, but there's there's this narrative that like, you can have it all. Like you can be an excellent like boss mom or boss like woman. I'm not explaining this well. Yeah, you can be an awesome like girl boss and also like 100% awesome mom. Like the best mom possible. So you can have it all as a working mom. Agree or disagree?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'm going to say I disagree as I was a working mom. I mean, I think I did my best with both of them. But I did feel I was torn always, you know, like if I was only at home, I could have maybe done a better job with some things at home. And if I didn't have kids to come home to, I could have spent longer at the school and done more things there. And I mean I did feel torn a lot of times and probably that's where my mom guilt would come in. But as I'm sure most of the moms at work, it has something to do with that, you know.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, and I agree because I think you can do both and have, have it all. I think it just is a little harder. I worked with our oldest, Olivia, and quit when she was about 2 or 3. And then I was a stay home mom. I thought it was pretty hard being home all the time. There's a lot of expectations on you and people think you can do everything and you know, you end up doing a lot of stuff that you just don't get paid for because you're a stay at home mom.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Right.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I wouldn't have changed anything. It was just the way it worked in our dynamics. But I think you can have a career and you can be a good mother.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Oh, I do think that too. I just felt torn, like.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But I think there is guilt. You will always have guilt. No matter what. You will have guilt.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like I'm starting to lean on that where it's like you can have it all, but maybe just not always all at once. And I think that's okay too, you know, like there are seasons for everything. Like.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, I think you just have to realize that if you do work outside the home, even if you work in the home and, and you also have a family, that you better have a good support system with your spouse, that you're pretty equal when it comes to the household stuff. It shouldn't be, oh, I gotta do all the laundry, I do all the cleaning. You should just, you should both do it or you should make enough money, you just pay, smile, you do it all and then no problem. Yeah. The dream.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I Think that's a good point, though. But too mom. Like, I think there's certain benefits, too, to, like. Like, it's not always like, okay, you're a working mom and the kids suffer, or you stay home with the kids and the kids thrive. Like, there's certain benefits that are unique to working moms. Like, I grew up watching you, like, have this insane capacity to, like, be on all day for your entire classroom and then come home and be on for us as, like, give us your all and then prepare once we went to bed for the next day at school and do it again and again and again. And I think that also just, like, empowered me too, to be like, okay, I can say yes to things. I have a big capacity. And, like, I can work hard. That's a unique way to view your mom, specifically when they're a working mom, too.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

So my answer is probably based on some of the mom guilt. So.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But I mean, no matter what, whether you're home or whether you go to a job, it's just. It's just a lot for a mom to do, you know, it's just to tackle all that.

[Abby Howard]

Totally. I think the narrative is more so, like, you can have it all and it's easy and you'll be happy.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

The easy part is what?

[Abby Howard]

And it's like the dream. And it's like, well, actually, this is

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

just like, a lot.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, it's a lot. And I think the guilt is true.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And there's a little.

[Abby Howard]

People don't talk about that.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And a little overwhelming, you know, that like, gosh, am I ever gonna get my head above water and get this taken care of or that taken care of and.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It's hard, you know, either way.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You know, when you think about. Children are only babies for two or three years and they're toddlers, then they're in school, you know, then they're in School for 12 years, then they go away to college. So it's just when you think of it like that, it may be tough the first five years, you know, just. Or, you know, like, right now, you know, okay, they're going to be potty trained, then they're going to buckle their own car seats and they're going to open the car door by themselves, you know, then they're gonna be able to make their own lunches. It just. So everything goes in cycles, and you just have to find your way through that cycle, and then you're okay, you

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

know, and then you're 50 years old and you wish you were doing that all Again, your kids were little.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, yeah, totally. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Those are great. Good thoughts. Yeah, there's no new problems out there. It seems like it says being a working mom is harder than being a stay at home mom. That one's really.

[Abby Howard]

That's kind of a spicy one.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I maybe take it out.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

The only thing is, I mean, I'm gonna have. You wouldn't know, I mean, unless you've done both and for your own life how that works. You know which one was harder, you don't know the other. You don't know the other way. So I would not judge that and say one's harder than the other.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No, no, I wouldn't either. Not at all. And I think both sides probably have their own arguments, but you're right. Unless you've done both. And I have found that when I quit, mine were younger and. And I have found that women who quit when their children were maybe like in seventh grade or eighth grade have said, oh my God, how'd you stay home like this? What'd you do all day? Like, because they're used to being on a different pace. So I think I agree as like

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

people that kind of split that time. Obviously I am hesitant to put myself in the working mom category sometimes because I have such an untraditional job, but I do think there's a lot more untraditional jobs out there nowadays. So maybe I can insert myself in this category. It kind of depends like on your personality type. Like what? For me, my easier part of my day is with my kids because it fills me up so much that I'm like, it just doesn't feel taxing in the way that something that doesn't necessarily

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

fill me up as much.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Maybe that's so bad to say on this podcast.

[Abby Howard]

Oh, on your job. No.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And I'm so grateful for what I do. But maybe if it's someone's like, I feel so much purpose in my workplace that it's like, it doesn't mean that they don't feel purpose. This doesn't mean that I don't feel purpose in my work workplace. But wherever you feel the most filled up, you're not going to be as drained by that. Makes sense.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Right?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, well, in. And the workplace has come a long way.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Right.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I mean, I. I was back in the 80s and the early 90s and I had a sales job. And when I had our first daughter, Olivia, my first baby, I approached about job sharing and I had another lady in the office who wanted to do it too, so we would work, you know, she'd work three days a week, I work two. And then we switched next and we shared the same clients. Well, they didn't like that. They didn't want that. So both of us had to stay on full time. You know, I think they make more accommodations for working moms now.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You know, I was just talking to a mom yesterday and her husband got the same paternity leave as her maternity leave. They both got 24 weeks, which is great. That's amazing. Wow. Wow. They worked at a university, so I do think that they're like more progressive in that way. But I'm like, that's just so different from even what my friends currently that our teachers get. It's the same as what my mom had, which I'm like, where's the progress for teachers?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I have to say shout out to teachers though, because they are, you know, at school, I mean, they're doing some of the same kind of things at home and at school. It's just a lot of it at school with a lot of kids that aren't really theirs, but yet. And there's so many of them there and there's so much neediness there with the kids and so much caregiving throughout the day. And you're doing the caregiving all during the day with your job and then there's more of that at home with your own. And so, yeah, teachers do a lot.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, teachers and nurses. My friend that was a labor and delivery nurse, she got six week, six weeks maternity leave and her husband worked for a bank and got 16.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Oh, gosh.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Quit.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No. You know, teachers, it's because if they're

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

in such high demand, nurses and teachers are in such high demand, they can't spare them.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But you know, you said this before, right?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Pay them some more.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You have to use your sick leave as a teacher. There is no built in sick leave. You have to use your sick leave

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

and then if you need to take more, you get doc.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I got doc. And that was. And I, I got. I can remember one time I had like, it's. You're using your sick.

[Abby Howard]

You got docked pay. Like they took pay your paycheck and

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

that was, was only after four weeks

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

because like, and you're using your sick

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

days for all that. The sick days that you've accumulated throughout the years, you use that for maturity. And then if you don't have enough to like physically heal, you know, your six weeks or whatever, you get docked.

[Abby Howard]

Wow.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Do you think it's still that way

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

or do you think school districts, maybe some private schools, have different policies. But I think across the board, this is what I hear from my friends that teach in public schools.

[Abby Howard]

So that's why everyone that's a teacher tries to have summer babies.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Or like Christmas break babies.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I actually had a principal once that said when I was pregnant with Abby, say, oh, you should have gotten pregnant, had her in the summer.

[Abby Howard]

And I'm like, well, listen.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, it doesn't always work out. It always went that way.

[Abby Howard]

Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I remember that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, I'd have a hard time holding my tongue.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. It'd be a hard one to look back on. Like, okay, Financial independence is essential for women. Agree or disagree. Financial independence is essential.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

What do you mean by financial independence?

[Abby Howard]

Yeah, I don't. That's a good question.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah, that's.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's having your own income.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

No, I don't think you need that. But I don't know if that's what you meant by the question.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I think being financially savvy about your household income, whether you're single or married, you should always be on top of.

[Abby Howard]

I would agree.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I.

[Abby Howard]

And you, you taught us that our whole lives. You're like, like. Because you and dad had combined. And you always said, yeah, but I know everything that goes on.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

And you're like, just because I'm not like, doing paid day to day billing doesn't mean I don't know. Not know what's going on. Right. And you have to. You have to.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right. Right.

[Abby Howard]

And I think that's great advice.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Especially as, like a stay at home mom. You're like, I'm not like, earning an income, but my income, I do make an income from, like, you know, it's shared and so it's important to stay

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

on top of it.

[Abby Howard]

I think that's good. I would think you would agree with that, that this will be our last one. And then we have a few more that we're going to do over on our Patreon for our Patreon fam.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

Always Homegirls. Okay, I like that one. I liked Home Girls.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Is this a soft launch of Always Home Girls?

[Abby Howard]

No, we're just workshopping it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Workshopping it.

[Abby Howard]

I'm just going to keep testing the different options each episode.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, you're. You're cooler than me. So you get to decide. I'm handing that crown over to you.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. This is the last one. Then we'll go to Patreon. Hustle Culture is toxic. Agree or disagree?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Degree Hustle.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't know what you're talking about. What is that? We're ending on something that neither of us know what you're talking about.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

So explain it to us.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't know what you're talking.

[Abby Howard]

Hustle culture is like, I'm gonna wake up at 4am and grind my day away and grind, grind, grind to be successful. Successful, all or nothing. Grind, grind, hustle, hustle.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Doesn't sound great the way you're describing.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No, it doesn't.

[Abby Howard]

That's not tempting. You don't want to grind and hustle.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You mean like for a 21 year

[Abby Howard]

old or for, you know, it does feel way more for like, young adults, isn't it?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. My mom, like, I feel like there's also this opposite side of the Internet that talks about soft life.

[Abby Howard]

Really,

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

you guys need to stay off the Internet. You're on too much. Okay, you know what I'm talking about. Soft life is like low stakes, low risk. Everything's safe and comfortable. That's why I'm getting fed. And I think that's because me and my mom for this,

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

The lady that I like that just is something like that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

The things I'm. I'm seeing are like, people opening their kitchen windows, they're cooking to jazz music. It's like they're staying home.

[Abby Howard]

Okay.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

They don't.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Okay.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Beautiful.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

That is gorgeous.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We're the soft livers.

[Abby Howard]

Okay, so there's soft livers, but every

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

night of the week.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

What that.

[Abby Howard]

My mom is doing great to have

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

partner every day that way. Yeah. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think these people, they hustle.

[Abby Howard]

My mom is a hustle culture. Really? All the way.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She has a culture till about 4 o'.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Clock.

[Abby Howard]

No, you hustle. You always.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You're moving, you work hard, but you are like.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

So maybe I value that. You value.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But, yeah, but you're definitely like, what's the purpose of that? Like, let's just, just take it easy.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Let's just have a cup of coffee and relax.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, like, you like. You. You like comfortable?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I do like comfortable.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Her favorite word is cozy. Like, yeah, yeah, she likes that. So. Yeah, I don't think you're. You don't remind me of hustle for taking the name. I liked cozy.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

So would you confuse hustle with being maybe just a little competitive?

[Abby Howard]

No, I. I think. I do think hustle culture is like a. I'm gonna wake up at 4am, get six hours of sleep, because I'll sleep when I'm dead. I'm gonna work, work, work, work.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You and dad were like, make what you have to make and then just enjoy your life. Like, it wasn't like, we don't need to. We don't need to climb a corporate ladder. We don't need to be our own bosses. We don't need to. Like, it was like, let's just work our jobs so we can get home to our families. And, like, let's not.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I'd say that's true.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like your personality type. You're like a little energizer bunny. Like, you're like, go, go, go. And even with being a stay at home mom, I feel like you were like, my job is to clean and cook, take care of my house and my family. And, like, you were very involved in things. Like, I felt like you were more go, go, go.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Not in a bad way. In, like, a good way.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Some people would say I was bossy.

[Abby Howard]

I think you had competitive. Had to be in charge. Yeah. But I mean, it's just a personality type.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I mean, certain things. I did. Yes. Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

You're good at it. You owned it. So I think if you were in today's culture, and I would say you probably were. Hustle culture, girl. Not the toxic hustle culture.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No, not the toxic. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yes. I don't know what the toxic.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I don't either.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't know.

[Abby Howard]

We're talking about it. We really, honestly don't.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I'm not on that side. Okay. The Patreon question should be really fun.

[Abby Howard]

I think it'd be cute.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. If you care to join our Patreon, hop over there. And we have some extension material over there. Some more hard hitting questions for the moms, but now we're gonna switch over. Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. I never turn down a good bath.

[Abby Howard]

You love a good bath. I love a steaming hot shower that just singes my skin.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But nothing is better than getting out of the bath or shower and having a fresh, smooth shave. You just feel better unless you have a crappy razor. So many women's razors are just flimsy, irritating.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Ow.

[Abby Howard]

For some reason, those shaving guys never stop bleeding.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Seriously, my towel looks like a crime scene.

[Abby Howard]

Like, what's happening?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But not with Flamingo, you guys. The women who helped build Harry's found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking men's razors and making them pink. So they decided to shake things up a little bit. Flamingo has no pink tax pricing, no flimsy design, and no earrings. Irritation. Flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind.

[Abby Howard]

Their starter set has everything that you could need, whether it's time for an everything shower or even if you just need to shape up your brow line. I actually love their dermaplan face razor. It's really sharp, but I haven't gotten cut and it just gets all the hair and dry skin off my face around my eyebrows. For a limited time, our listeners can get the Flamingo starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com Abby this set includes the Flamingo original razor, one 5 blade cartridge, a 1 ounce foaming shave gel and a shower hold holder. Just head to shopflamingo.com Abby to claim this offer and after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them always here sent you. Ask, ask, ask. Abby.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay, we are back. We just hopped over to Patreon. I added my. I. I freestyled the random spicy question and my. I kind of regret it. But it's okay. It's on there. So for those of you that are our on Patreon, you'll know what I'm talking about. Now we're gonna move on to our voicemail component. We have specific voicemails with you guys in mind.

[Abby Howard]

They were sorted with you in mind.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Hi, Abby and Addie. I love the show. I wanted to know what your favorite comfort movies are. Mine are Twilight, the Hunger Games and Shrek. Shrek Hunger Games and Shrek.

[Abby Howard]

Hunger Games is a horrible comfort movie.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Mom doesn't watch movies.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I have a hard time concentrating through the whole thing. But. But I'd say. I don't know if they're comfort movies, but my favorite movies are the Sandlot and Matilda. Oh, I like those.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Don't you like Eat, Pray Love or something like that? I mean, I've seen it. I don't know Julia and Julia.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I mean, again, I've seen it. I don't.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay, you don't like me.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Okay, I'd say those are good.

[Abby Howard]

What are yours, Mom?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Anything on the Hallmark movie channel. Love them.

[Abby Howard]

I love them too.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Because of you.

[Abby Howard]

You put that love in me.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Oh, I know.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

They're just so wholesome and.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, sweet.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Everybody falls in love at the end.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Stress over. Caleb likes Hallmark movies. Movies now too.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh, does he really?

[Abby Howard]

Well, he likes Only during Christmas.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But, but, but I do love Sweet Home Alabama.

[Abby Howard]

That is my number one. Yes. It's a good one. Are we entering this too?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Sure. I know you like she's the Man.

[Abby Howard]

She's the man.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Oh, yeah.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I like that one.

[Abby Howard]

Cinderella story. High School Musical. Three, but don't tell anyone.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I like that one, too.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

One and two. No, but three.

[Abby Howard]

That's not a two. I don't really care about three.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah, that's a hot take. I don't know. I'll say. Any Christmas movie, probably.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah, I. Yeah, I could go.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's a comfort movie. Oh, I love Cheaper by the Dozen. Oh, yeah. I honestly like the second one maybe more than. Than the first, too.

[Abby Howard]

Really?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I actually like them both so much. Two is probably my comfort movie.

[Abby Howard]

I was so jealous of all the kids in that movie I wanted to be in.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It sounds so fun.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I know.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I liked that girl with the skateboard. I thought she was so cool.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Ally. Allison.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Allison.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah. Allison.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Stoner.

[Abby Howard]

Stoner. There it is. It's a good one. Love that question.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay, next voicemail.

[Abby Howard]

Hi, guys.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Thank you so much.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I just wanted to.

[Abby Howard]

Come on.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Me and my husband are purchasing our very first home, and I was wondering if you guys had any tips for decorating on a budget and making a

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

small space your style. Thank you so much. Love you guys.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Bye.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's just designed for Lori. In mind you. Both of you.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You're both of you decorating on a budget. Maybe get an inspiration from a style that you really like, that. That you can't afford necessarily. But then just trying to find all the accessories and do as much of it as you can yourself.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

If you like Pottery Barn but can't afford Pottery Barn, then you can find the dupes for it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I think there's small things you can do to a new home that you don't have the big money to, like, go in and, like, rip out the cabinets and buy all new appliances, but the little things like changing lighting and changing knobs and paint color and, you know, carpet, you know, goes a long way. What else?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't know.

[Abby Howard]

I feel like you guys are both.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I always think you're very talented at, like, making a house like a home or.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

I like just getting little touches that.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

You always add the little details. I think you do, too, Lori.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I like having things that are personal to you that makes it homey and not just look like a storefront. You know, things that nobody else would necessarily care about, but that little piece of something that you got on this vacation or something that belongs to somebody in your family or, you know, from your past or whatever that make it homey but obviously aren't expensive because there are things you already owned. Totally.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right.

[Abby Howard]

I think my biggest tip is go slow. I think the urge is like, you get in this new house, you get excited and you want to fill it. But like our house, we've been in almost two years and our walls are still, you know, we're slowly adding things and like curating each area of our house.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

House.

[Abby Howard]

And so I think it's just having the long game in mind because especially if you're on a budget, like maybe you add one picture frame here and like one small thing there and like, slowly the puzzle starts to come together. And I also think it helps keep you from just buying things that are trendy at the moment because you're slowly doing.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Totally agree.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I'm a horrible decorator. I have nothing to add to this conversation.

[Abby Howard]

That's not true.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No, I genuinely.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

You don't have an interest in it though.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't want to do it. I don't want to do it.

[Abby Howard]

Well, you have a beautiful home.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Hi, Abby and Abby.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

My name is Grace and I'm a

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

first time mom of a three month

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

old who I'm currently trying to birth. My question for you is, what is the biggest lesson you've learned from motherhood?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Since Mother's Day is around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about this and I'm curious what you guys have to say. Love the podcast.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Can't wait to hear.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Bye.

[Abby Howard]

Sweet. Your biggest lesson learned from motherhood.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

She has a 3 month old. Don't get comfortable because as soon as you think you have a schedule, it just changes. Yeah, it's just gonna change. So you just have to change with it and embrace it and enjoy it. That's what I would say.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's great. I've been really thinking recently about how guests don't get comfortable. I have also been amazed. This is like a different. I fully believe that 100 and then also the other thing is that's been amazed. Amazing me about motherhood is that like, I remember just being so baffled by people in future life stages in me and just realizing that as you go through each day, your capacity grows. And that has been really encouraging to me. Like, every day is equipping me for the next day and like, I think that's also helped, helped me enter the stage of like multiples with more confidence because it's like, how could one person be stretched so thin? But it's like you grow. And so that has just been really like encouraging for me that I didn't necessarily. Because I was like, how am I gonna divide myself when I have like, if I. We had this goal of having four kids like how can I divide myself into fours? It's like, oh, you're actually gonna multiply times four. So that's what's gonna happen. And so that has been, like, cool to see, like, those changes in myself and like, in other moms. It's where I really, like, saw that first exemplified. That was, like, encouraging to me. Like, I could. That. That capacity will change with me.

[Abby Howard]

Yes, that was exactly mine too, Abby. Actually, that was the first thing that came to mind. I'm like, I have. I just feel like sometimes I'm like, oh, wow, I'm more capable than I thought I was. And it's just that, yeah, you're. You just get called to a higher standard and you figure it out, and it's encouraging, it's challenging, it's stretching, it's fun, and it just makes you just like an all around better person.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You can do it.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

I mean, this young lady, she can do it. You know, so we're all moms. We all do it.

[Abby Howard]

Exactly.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

And I was gonna say, I guess it's not. And it's not what you can give your child as much. You know, like, you may not have the finances to do. You know, give your child this and this and this toy.

[Abby Howard]

It's.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It's how much time you spend them with them and to enjoy the time that you have. And you don't have to have the money to do all these, you know, ridiculous vacations or give them all these toys, but, you know, just having a game night or having, you know, a special tradition that you do every night before bed or something like that, that is what actually matters most and not the big things.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We play games every single night after dinner. That's why I'm so good at banana grams.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

That's how we knew Addy so well, is because during. During COVID when everybody came home, I mean. I mean, she spent a lot of time there and all. I mean, of course, what else we're gonna do? But we just like constantly play games. And that's how we. Oh, as a kid, we played Disney scene.

[Abby Howard]

It.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

We played every Disney seen it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We've memorized them. We get Gym City pizza, play Disney seen it. And then to the point where Blake did the Disney memorize all the cards. So I was like, this isn't even fun anymore.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

But we did have a lot of kids game nights. Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So many.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Do you remember what happened when we had game nights?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

My sister.

[Abby Howard]

My younger sister would. When she started to just like, feel that she was gonna lose, she would flip the Board, like, game night was over. Get in time out right now.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Flip the board. Flip it, everything.

[Abby Howard]

She's like, I can't live.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

That's a power move.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Game night took a dark turn. Yes.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, we all thought it was hilarious.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And then we would play are you smarter than a fifth grader? And when we would hesitate, go, oh, my God. Am I not smarter than the fifth grader?

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I feel that for sure these questions were hard. We should do that on this podcast. We should.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

We should.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

We're going to be like.

[Abby Howard]

And that's where that's going to get clipped.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And the men are going to find it. The men are certainly going to find were stupid.

[Abby Howard]

These stupid women. That's great. Those are all of our voicemails. Oh, I love that. Those are good questions. Thanks for asking and calling in. If you guys want to call and leave a voicemail. Did we already do this number?

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

No.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No.

[Abby Howard]

Okay. 602-456-9690. We love answering your guys questions, so thank you guys so much. Our last segment of the day. Moms is always hungry. We're always eating. What are you cooking up for us?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't know if I have tremendous, great recipes, but one that I do like is a Tuscan chicken soup that I make.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

It's healthy, it's filling.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I think it tastes great.

[Abby Howard]

Yum.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

And I have a no bake cheesecake that I make that I swear is the best. And I just made it for you this week.

[Abby Howard]

Yes, I ate a lot of it.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

You ate it all. You hid it from me, so I only got one piece. Okay.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

So if we're gonna make a whole meal with it, you can have mine meal, Your dessert. I also have a dressing for a salad that my friend Tammy. I know, it's her dressing recipe. It's for a raspberry poppy seed. Poppy seed dressing. That's fantastic, Mom.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Is your Tuskegee chicken soup? Is that a Weight Watchers recipe?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I think it could be.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

You sent it to me. She sent it to me in college, and it was titled zero points Tuscan cheese. No, no, no, it's not.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It was a zero points turkey chili.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And the test points that came. What would be a point in that?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Straight from Italy. It was.

[Abby Howard]

I mean, straight from Italy.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Maybe

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

it's not. It's not. Okay. But it could be because there's.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

There's zero points.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

There's probably no point.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So if you're following the point system.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yeah.

[Abby Howard]

Is that still around? I think it is still around. Actually.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Weight Watchers, they rebranded ww I believe

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

they approached you with a brand deal a couple of years ago. I was like, I can't it do that? I have too much of trauma for my grandma doing it.

[Abby Howard]

I love it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I think if you're over the age

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

of maybe 30, everybody's tried it.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

She just, she put broccoli and other shiz in our brownies for her point system. We weren't counting points.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

New cookbook.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

She wanted to try it out.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, yeah. Seductively delicious. No, not seductively.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I don't know how.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No. I gotta find it. I think it was Jerry Seinfeld's wife.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Oh, wait, there's. The first thing that came up was Jerry Seinfeld's wife. Cookbook controversy. Deceptively delicious.

[Abby Howard]

Deceptively delicious.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Famous for featuring pureed vegetables hidden in meals to get children. Children to eat.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yeah.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Okay.

[Abby Howard]

That's not new.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

People do that.

[Abby Howard]

People got mad at her for that.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't know why. It's controversial. It's controversial because they.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I think what it is is because they wanted. They want kids to learn to like vegetables and not just have somebody hide it in their food. They want them to learn, like, you know.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Was that his wife? Right.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

No, no, Actually, the. Yeah, the. The controversy was actually completely separate. Okay. It was allegations of plagiarism and idea therapy from Missy Chase Lapine's earlier book, the Sneaky Chef. Sneaky Chef does sound familiar.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Yes. Okay.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

I don't know. I don't want any. That's why whenever people pose, we feel the same way about this. Don't put cottage cheese in a dessert. Don't put. Don't put sweet potatoes. Don't put avocados.

[Abby Howard]

I don't want an avocado.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Do it. Do it in your meal time.

[Abby Howard]

I don't want a nice cream.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

But don't you like zucchini bread?

[Abby Howard]

No, I don't.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Oh, I do.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

But it's not hidden.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It's not hidden. It's a known. It's a known quantity.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And you taste it, it's selling point. It's a front facing flavor. It's not like, oh, the back. The aftertaste is giving spinach.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Right?

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Well, that's true.

[Abby Howard]

Yes.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Yeah. Anyway, that was a tangent. Thanks for your recipes, moms. Sure. And thanks for being on this episode. Yes. Everyone's outside of your comfort zone. And I just want to say we're gonna make sure that people are nice in the comments because I know that you guys are gonna read every single one.

[Abby Howard]

I don't think they would be mean. You guys said great things. Thank you for all your wisdom and your advice.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

It was great.

[Abby Howard]

Thank you for loving us and our babies and just being good examples of what good mothers are.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

So true. I feel like we. I mean, I'm gonna get emotional. I just feel so grateful that we have such good relationships as adults with you guys. Because that's very unique nowadays.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

It's.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

More and more adults feel like they need to. For whatever reason, probably very valid reasons, need to disconnect from their moms and their families. And you guys are just. You lean in to all the things that we do. All these crazy ventures. And you offer very wise advice along the way, but in a very appropriate way. And the way that you have stepped into the role of being a grandma or a honey is just. It's touching on a whole different level. So just. I can't tell you enough how grateful. So I'm gonna say it publicly too. But how grateful we are.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

I think every day about how. How thankful I am that, like, I'm here with both kids and both spouses that we love so much and now extra kids that I have now.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

And you both make such an effort to be a part of our lives too, that it's like. It feels really good.

[Abby Howard]

Yeah.

[Lori (Addie's mom)]

Thank you.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Well, you're welcome. You guys make it easy.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Thank you so much, you guys. And as always, remember, we're always here. Spring just slid into your DMs.

[Abby Howard]

Grab that boho.

[Addie (Abby's sister)]

Look for that rooftop dinner those sandals

[Abby Howard]

that can keep up with you and hang some string lights to give your patio a glow up.

[Ruth (Abigail's mom)]

Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.