On the #amwriting podcast’s “Margin Notes,” Jennie Nash talks with Dr. Diana Hill (author of Wise Effort) about how the urge to prove yourself—through resumes, accolades, or “pre-order my book” pleas—undermines authenticity and connection, especially when pitching ideas, proposals, or personal brands.

Hill describes confronting this while rebranding her website and shifting from listing credentials to articulating the real user experience and who the work is and isn’t for, using specific language that reflects her core value of awareness/attunement rather than generic, AI-like claims.

They unpack the psychology behind proving (seeking safety, belonging, and autonomy) and suggest asking which need is driving the behavior, aiming instead to demonstrate value, embrace vulnerability, and rely on trusted “tough love” feedback.

Books Mentioned

* Wise Effort by Dr. Diana Hill

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Transcript

Jennie Nash: [00:00:00] Hi, I’m Jennie Nash, and you’re listening to the #amwriting podcast, the place where we help writers of all kinds play big in your writing life, love the process, and stick with it long enough to finish what matters most.

Hey, everyone. This is Margin Notes, the part of the podcast where we’re talking about big decisions writers face in their work and their creative lives.

And I’m here today again with Dr. Diana Hill, author of Wise Effort, and I am recording this while sitting on the floor of my grandchild’s nursery. I’ve got my microphone on a box of diapers, and I’m making it work ‘cause that’s what we do. We just make it work. And today, Diana and I wanna talk about this idea of feeling like you need to prove yourself and how that undermines everything, your power and your point.[00:01:00]

And the reason that we wanted to talk about this is, well, it was triggered by something that Diana was going through, but I... resonated so much with me as well. I feel like this happens to me all the time, feeling like I need to prove myself, and I see it happening in my clients all the time, particularly when they’re trying to pin their idea down, or they’re trying to work on a book proposal.

They’re trying to pitch themselves to something in some way. This idea of having to just prove ourselves, puff ourselves up, um, look at all our accomplishments, all, all of those things. So Diana, do you wanna talk about what happened to you that, that triggered this idea of this conversation?

Dr. Diana Hill: Well, I’m working on the...

A website rebrand, which I think we all do now. It’s sort of like we have to update our kitchens every 10 years and our websites every five, right? So- Five years? ... I’m updating... Three. Two? How many years do you update your website? How often?

Jennie Nash: Like every couple months.

Dr. Diana Hill: Yeah, but I’m doing [00:02:00] a full rebrand. Like I’m not just repainting.

I’m actually like, you know, doing a little remodel as well. So I’m going through that, the remodel process, and who I was five years ago is very different than who I am now. I’ve evolved as an author. I’ve had a num- number of books come out, and I’ve done the, the adding on little bits, so my website has been updated to include the books that I’ve been, that I’ve...

But I’ve changed, and the question became in this, in putting out the, the rebrand is who, who am I gonna put out into the world? And there was this conflict happening where I kept on wanting to prove my academic achievements, prove that I have, that I’m worthy in some way for you to listen to me, and you were helping me on it, and you’re like, “No, this is- that’s actually de- it detracts from actually what you’re gonna guide people to get.”

Like, what is, what is the offer? What are people gonna experience in, in reading your books or [00:03:00] working with you? And those are two very different presentations. One is the prove yourself presentation, and then one is actually what am I here for presentation, and you have to dig deeper into the what am I here for one

Jennie Nash: That’s a great way of putting it.

Yeah, and what I was seeing you do, I just recognize so often it’s almost just like, “Here’s my resume. Let me give you my resume.” Yeah And the accolades, and the honors, and people I’ve worked with, and the stages I’ve been on. And we think that that shorthand is going to convey to people what it’s like to, to work with us, or to read our work, or to be immersed in our ideas or our thoughts, and it...

Nobody cares really, right? Like, at the end of the day, in a weird way, it, nobody cares.

Dr. Diana Hill: The funny thing about our resume is that we all have things on our resume that we are really proud of because for some reason it was super impressive to us in our little niche thing at that particular time. That [00:04:00] you, when you actually put it out there, like you said, nobody cares.

It’s not that impressive a- outside of the context of your personal experience. So keep your resume to yourself.

Jennie Nash: You k...