In this first installment of Margin Notes—a new series on the big decisions writers face—we explore a question many writers quietly carry:

When life falls apart, do you keep writing… or step away?

Jennie Nash is joined by clinical psychologist Dr. Diana Hill, author of Wise Effort, for a conversation about grief, illness, recovery and the psychology of returning to your work. Dr. Hill will help us explore the emotional and cognitive side of a creative life.

Together, we discuss:

* Why “little by little becomes a lot” matters in recovery

* How grief, illness, addiction, or heartbreak reshape your creative capacity

* The two common paths writers take: stepping away vs. writing to survive

* What negativity bias is—and why it gets louder during hard seasons

* When writing supports healing—and when it becomes avoidance

At the heart of this conversation is a simple idea:

You don’t have to return to writing all at once.Sometimes, getting to the “mailbox and back” is enough.

Whether you’re navigating loss or a major life transition, this episode offers a compassionate way back to the page—on your own terms.

Books Mentioned

* Wise Effort by Dr. Diana Hill

* Little by Little Becomes a Lot by Eric Zimmer

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Transcript

(00:00:03):

Hi,

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I’m Jenny Nash,

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and you’re listening to the Hashtag AmWriting Podcast,

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the place where we help writers of all kinds play big in your writing life,

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love the process,

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and stick with it long enough to finish what matters most.

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This is Margin Notes,

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a new part of the podcast where we’re talking about the big decisions writers face

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in their work on creative lives.

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I’m here today to talk about

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this idea of recovery from illness or a breakup or a major life transition and how

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you get back to your work.

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And I have with me the most of special guests,

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uh,

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Dr.

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Diana Hill,

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who is my friend and my client and my colleague.

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She’s a clinical psychologist.

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Who’s the author of wise effort, how to focus your genius energy on what matters most.

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And she’s going to help us dig into this.

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Welcome Diana.

Diana (00:00:57):

I am so glad to be here.

Diana (00:00:58):

And another form of recovery, recovery from addiction is another one.

Diana (00:01:02):

Like if people are prioritizing their health and recovery in that way,

Diana (00:01:07):

how do you write through that?

Diana (00:01:09):

So I’m super excited to talk with you because I think I’ve been through every

Diana (00:01:11):

single one of those recoveries in some form or another.

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Well, yeah.

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And we don’t have to get into it, but you have recently been through some big grief.

(00:01:21):

You’ve been through all these things in your life.

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So how do you counsel somebody who’s trying to get over something or get through

(00:01:28):

something and also doesn’t want to abandon their writing?

Diana (00:01:33):

Well, there’s a great book that’s coming out.

Diana (00:01:36):

We have to mention a book, support our fellow writers by Eric Zimmer.

Diana (00:01:40):

And I always pick books by their titles in some form or another.

Diana (00:01:44):

And so there’s a great, how about this?

Diana (00:01:46):

There’s a great book title coming out, which is Little by Little.

Diana (00:01:49):

becomes a lot.

Diana (00:01:51):

And I think that’s something to remember in recovery.

Diana (00:01:54):

I remember after I had a C-section,

Diana (00:01:57):

I had two C-sections with my kids and the little by little was,

Diana (00:02:01):

you know,

Diana (00:02:01):

first you make it up to the mailbox and back,

Diana (00:02:04):

right?

Diana (00:02:05):

You’re trying to get back to that three mile walk that you used to do,

Diana (00:02:08):

but up to the mailbox and back was pretty darn amazing after you had a C-section to

Diana (00:02:12):

get to that milestone.

Diana (00:02:13):

And when you’re in recovery from something, you need to shift that

Diana (00:02:19):

the expectation to what is a lot.

Diana (00:02:21):

It’s what is a lot in the context of what you are going through.

Diana (00:02:24):

When you’ve had a C-section, a walk to the mailbox is a lot.

Diana (00:02:27):

When you are in recovery from losing a family member,

Diana (00:02:31):

writing 10 minutes in the morning is a lot.

Diana (00:02:34):

And being able to shift that expectation would be the first thing and remembering

Diana (00:02:37):

that little by little becomes a lot.

Diana (00:02:40):

That’s how we grow it.

Diana (00:02:41):

That’s one of the most foundational aspects of habit formation and psychology,

Diana (00:02:45):

And, uh, really is how I do most everything I do little by little.

Diana (00:02:50):

And then sometimes when I have a boost of energy, I do a lot.

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And is that, do you think that that’s true all the time?

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Like,

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does it become more true when something intends happens in your life or is it

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actually true all the time,

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but we don’t quite see it so clearly?

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Yeah.

Diana (00:03:07):

Well,

Diana (00:03:08):

I think it’s all the time,

Diana (00:03:09):

but more so when you’re in recovery,

Diana (00:03:12):

because when you’re in recovery from something,

Diana (00:03:16):

you may get exhausted more easily.

Diana (00:03:19):

You also may have some shifts in the way that you see the world and the way you see

Diana (00:03:25):

yourself that,

Diana (00:03:27):

um,

Diana (00:03:28):

That negativity bias may be extra strong or your threat system may be on extra

Diana (00:03:34):

alert so that you’re a little bit more hypervigilant depending on what kind of

Diana (00:03:38):

thing you’re recovering from.

Diana (00:03:39):

And so in that sense,

Diana (00:03:40):

we do need to dial up the gentleness factor that,

Diana (00:03:44):

you know,

Diana (00:03:44):

other times in your life,

Diana (00:03:45):

you maybe just to brush off the intensity of something.

Diana (00:03:49):

But when you’re in recovery,

Diana (00:03:50):

yeah,

Diana (00:03:50):

you need to be extra focused on little by little becoming a lot.

(00:03:54):

Can you explain what you mean by negativity bias, just so our listeners understand that?

Diana (00:04:00):

The negativity bias is just how our brains evolved.

Diana (00:04:03):

We evolved brains to keep us safe, not always to live our best lives.

Diana (00:04:09):

And so that means that you are the ancestor of people who were a little bit anxious.

Diana (00:04:16):

And when they looked out on the savannah and they saw some kind of obscure object

Diana (00:04:20):

out there,

Diana (00:04:21):

they had a tendency to think that that object was dangerous or negative in some

Diana (00:04:25):

way.

Diana (00:04:25):

Yeah.

Diana (00:04:26):

And so they went back into the cave and that’s how you came about because you

Diana (00:04:30):

We’re born from that,

Diana (00:04:31):

but we’ve inherited these negativity biases and they get extra strong when we’re

Diana (00:04:36):

under threat.

Diana (00:04:37):

It doesn’t mean that we can’t override them.

Diana (00:04:40):

It’s more that we learn how to notice them and in some ways allow them to be there

Diana (00:04:45):

while you still move forward towards what your values are,

Diana (00:04:48):

what your goals are,

Diana (00:04:49):

what’s important to you,

Diana (00:04:50):

even with that little bit of a chatter,

Diana (00:04:52):

that little what if mind in the background.

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So I feel like when a writer is under the thread of something intense,

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they tend to either take one of two paths in the recovery phase.

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One path would be, I don’t have the time, energy, bandwidth.

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to add this in, I’m going to push this way off.

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And the other is the opposite.

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And it’s this is going to keep me alive.

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And I, I have to ...

The Decision to Keep Writing After Grief, Illness, or Heartbreak