Countdown to Love Island USA Finale: What NOT to do in YOUR relationship!

Summary

Podcast Summary: Countdown to Love Island USA Finale: What NOT to Do in YOUR Relationship!

Release Date: July 11, 2025
Hosts: Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts

---

Introduction

In the episode titled "Countdown to Love Island USA Finale: What NOT to Do in YOUR Relationship!", hosts Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes delve into the tumultuous relationships unfolding on the popular reality show, Love Island USA. Using the interactions between contestants Chris and Huda as a case study, Amy and TJ extract valuable relationship lessons applicable to real-life partnerships. This comprehensive discussion not only dissects the on-screen drama but also intertwines personal anecdotes, making the insights both relatable and actionable.

1. Navigating Conflict: Walking Away

One of the primary issues highlighted is the tendency to walk away during intense conversations. Amy recounts a personal experience where she needed to momentarily step away to regain composure during a disagreement with TJ.

• Amy (05:03): "I feel like sometimes being broke is a cycle and that we might have to revisit that and we're not stopping at success stories."

This mirrors the behavior of Huda on the show, who often exits heated discussions abruptly. Amy emphasizes the importance of communicating the need for a break rather than leaving without explanation.

• Amy (08:14): "I have found that what I've tried to do is to say, hey, I feel really emotionally volatile right now, and I don't like where I am. I'm going to take 10 minutes to calm down."

2. Gaslighting: A Subtle Saboteur

The hosts address the insidious nature of gaslighting, where one partner manipulates the other into questioning their reality. This tactic was evident when Huda dismissed her actions as not walking off, despite evidence to the contrary.

• Rodney (13:53): "That's nothing but gaslighting."

Amy further explains how such behavior can leave the affected partner feeling confused and doubting their own perceptions.

3. Physical Rejection: The "Going to Bed Angry" Phenomenon

Amy and TJ discuss the common practice of physically rejecting a partner by turning away or sleeping separately when conflicts arise.

• Amy (16:40): "They have to sleep in the same bed. They can't sleep. Oh, yeah, you're right. They can sleep outside when they get that angry, that would have been."

While some therapists advocate for not going to bed angry, the hosts debate its effectiveness, highlighting that while it might provide temporary peace, it doesn't resolve underlying issues.

4. Romantic Gestures: Sweet vs. Cheesy

The episode explores the fine line between romantic gestures and perceived cheesiness. Using Chris's heartfelt gesture of drawing a heart in the sand for Shelly as an example, Amy and TJ discuss how intentions and delivery can influence reception.

• Amy (23:09): "When you really start taking stock of why you do things, you can understand why sometimes it comes off to the other person as inauthentic or self-motivated."

Amy shares her preference for subtle and sincere gestures over grandiose displays that might come across as insincere or attention-seeking.

5. The Power of Words in Resolution

The hosts emphasize the impact of word choice during conflict resolution. They critique phrases that can inadvertently dampen reconciliation efforts, such as Chris's declaration that "shit ain't gonna change."

• Amy (30:25): "Conflict is over. We are. We've ended the fight. And I say all good, baby. I just know. Ain't shit gonna change. How does that make you feel when...?"

This statement left Huda feeling deflated and defeated, highlighting the importance of hopeful and constructive language during apologies and reconciliations.

6. Personal Reflections and Lessons Learned

Amy and TJ intertwine their discussions with personal relationship experiences, drawing parallels between the show's scenarios and real-life dynamics. They stress the importance of self-awareness, effective communication, and authenticity in fostering healthy relationships.

• Rodney (25:19): "It's not like, see what a great boyfriend you are or how great of a girlfriend you are?"

Amy adds that understanding motivations behind actions can prevent misunderstandings and promote genuine connections.

Conclusion

The episode culminates with Amy and TJ acknowledging the complexity of relationships, both on reality TV and in everyday life. By dissecting Chris and Huda's interactions, they offer listeners actionable insights to avoid common pitfalls in their own partnerships. Emphasizing the significance of communication, accountability, and sincere gestures, the hosts provide a roadmap for building resilient and fulfilling relationships.

---

Notable Quotes:

• Amy (08:14): "I'm going to take 10 minutes to calm down. And then I want to come back and continue this conversation."
• Rodney (13:53): "That's nothing but gaslighting."
• Amy (16:40): "They have to sleep in the same bed. They can't sleep. Oh, yeah, you're right."
• Amy (23:09): "When you really start taking stock of why you do things, you can understand why sometimes it comes off to the other person as inauthentic or self-motivated."
• Amy (30:25): "Conflict is over. We are. We've ended the fight."
• Rodney (25:19): "It's not like, see what a great boyfriend you are or how great of a girlfriend you are?"

---

This episode serves as a valuable guide for listeners seeking to navigate the complexities of romantic relationships, using the lens of reality television to extract meaningful and practical advice.

Transcript

[Podcast Host]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Lowe's Advertiser]

Member Week is here at Lowe's. Don't miss your chance to get up to 40% off hundreds of items like paint, tools, home essentials and more. Shop our exclusive deals happening in store and online now through July 18th. Not a rewards member? Join for free today and get ready to save more Lowes. We help you save loyalty programs subject to terms and conditions. Details@lowe's.com Terms subject to change hey, it's.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. It's Oral Care Month, which means you can earn four times points on all your favorite oral care brands. Now through July 15th. Shop in store or online for items like Colgate Toothpaste, Listerine Mouthwash, Crest Mouthwash or Toothpaste Sensodyne Toothpaste, hello toothpaste or gum flossers and earn four times points. Points can be redeemed for future discounts on gas or groceries. Offer ends July 15. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Erin Andrews]

Hey guys, it's Erin Andrews from Calm down with Erin and Carissa. So they say you can't plan for the unexpected, but whoever said that obviously didn't know about Aflac. You probably know the Aflac duck, but you might not know what Aflac can do for you. For example, did you know they pay cash that can help with expenses health insurance doesn't cover. If you get sick or injured, Aflac pays cash that can be put towards co pays and deductibles to even non medical expenses like rent or your mortgage payments. It's completely up to you. Get help with expenses health insurance doesn't cover. Visit aflac.com to learn more.

[Jana Kramer]

This is Jana Kramer from Wind down with Jana Kramer. When we were deciding on our appliances for the house, Samsung was at the top of our list. And I love my Samsung appliances, especially because they're so reliable and with my busy schedule, having reliable appliances has been a game changer. It's no wonder Samsung is the number one brand for customer satisfaction. That's why I'm excited to tell you all about Samsung's new line of smart appliances featuring their brand new Bespoke AI laundry combo. This incredible magic machine washes and dries in one machine, one load. No transfers, no timers, no rewashing needed. New Bespoke AI appliances. This is home living made simple. For more information visit samsung.com bespoke 68.

[Rodney Williams]

Minute cycle based on 27 inch combos.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Based on using a superspeed cycle only with a 10 pound doe load cotton.

[Rodney Williams]

50% plus polyester 50%. Individual results may vary based on actual load content. I'm Rodney Williams.

[Travis Holloway]

And I'm Travis Holloway. Welcome to the wealthbreak podcast, a real conversation about finance.

[Rodney Williams]

Let's be honest, building weft doesn't look the same for everyone.

[Podcast Host]

I feel like sometimes being broke is a cycle and that we might have.

[Travis Holloway]

To revisit that and we're not stopping at success stories.

[Podcast Host]

What happens when it doesn't go right? How do you cope with it?

[Rodney Williams]

Because wealth isn't just about money. It's about creating a life where you thrive and help others do the same.

[Travis Holloway]

Listen to the Wealth Break podcast on the iHeartRadio app.

[Rodney Williams]

Hey there, folks. It is Friday, July 11th, and Chris and Huda continue to do a public service for all of us who are in relationships by showing us exactly what not to do. Welcome to this Love Island, USA edition of Amy and tj where we go beyond the hot bods, kissing games and the hideaway suite to identify the real relationship lessons sprinkled throughout the hit show Robes. I don't want to be too hard on them because as soon as they show us what not to do, they have come back and there are some lessons from them on how to do things properly in a relationship.

[Podcast Host]

I actually appreciate how real they're being. I think, you know, a lot of complaints have been about reality shows and even Love island that folks are media trained and they're performing in front of the camera. I have to say, with these two, it feels really authentic because what we're seeing in their conflict actually really replicates life and so many relationships all of us are in. So I actually appreciate them significantly. They are providing most of our conversation today.

[Rodney Williams]

Yeah. Right. At this point, they're the only ones seem to be in a real conflict or figuring things out at least the past couple episodes. Everybody else is kind of booed up. What the ace just asshome girl to be as. What do they call it?

[Podcast Host]

Exclusive.

[Rodney Williams]

Exclusive. You.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

It's their exclusive.

[Rodney Williams]

Everybody else seems to have figured some of their stuff out. These two are still struggling.

[Podcast Host]

Well, I think everyone else might be in that heady, exciting where you're just like the other person can do no wrong and you're in that, like, love glow bubble. It depends on the couple, but I think these folks have been together for a few weeks. Yeah, it should last a few weeks.

[Rodney Williams]

Yeah, they should all be good.

[Podcast Host]

I think it's interesting that Chris and Hooter are dealing with things that usually doesn't come until about six months down the road.

[Rodney Williams]

So we give. Yes, we've been focused on them a little bit. We're going to focus on them some more today. But again, we want to remind you, we are not here to take sides. We are really watching this show not as a we're rooting for Chris or rooting for Hoot or rooting for anybody. It's just we watch these shows. And Ro, we talked about it here, but you're the one got me on it to where I got so into them, because I see real relationship conversations happening that I want to pause the show and have some of those conversations with you. So this has been cool to watch.

[Podcast Host]

It has been. And I think that if anything, if this sparks a conversation between you and your partner, and it should and should. And a lot of these are uncomfortable topics that people don't want to talk about. They avoid because they don't want to get in a fight. But if you can actually have a conversation about someone else's issue and sure, yeah, of course it resonates.

[Rodney Williams]

You said as well. When you can step back and see somebody else doing it, you recognize the behavior. We can look back and go, damn, why did he do that? And you recognize, he shouldn't have done that. And then I think to myself, damn, I did that. You can sit back and you see examples of your own bad behavior or missteps, and it makes you think.

[Podcast Host]

And you know what? That is the way to look at it. Because the worst way you could possibly look at it is see something and go see you do that. That's not what we're suggesting. You know, like, when you're. When I'm watching it, I'm looking to see behaviors that I do that I have to admit, that is so important. But don't look at the behaviors and say, that's exactly what my boyfriend does. That's exactly. Because that's only gonna make things worse.

[Rodney Williams]

Yeah, I'm gonna try that. We have naturally. That's not something we've done. I have not watched and looked at you and said, see what she did? That's what I'm talking about. That actually hasn't happened. So I don't think naturally, people. If you do that, you got.

[Podcast Host]

You got a bigger problem. No. And that. You know what? That's cool. And we didn't. That wasn't deliberate. That wasn't restraint. I really was looking at it for trying to better myself.

[Rodney Williams]

Last episode officially was episode 33, Last Night of Love Island USA. They just have a few more episodes we got one tonight, night, one tomorrow, and then the finale is Sunday, of course. But these were the relationship scenarios we picked up on that we want to make sure you are addressing possibly in your own relationship. One, the idea of walking off from someone during an intense conversation. Two, gaslighting your partner, that's a big deal, and we saw it on display in the show. Three, physically rejecting someone. At best, this is the idea of kind of going to bed angry. But we saw something in the show. I was like, ooh, brother, come on, don't do that. And then number four, issue, what do you think about romantic, sweet, or even borderline cheesy gestures between partners? And then finally, word choice in resolution still matters. Yes, the fight's over, but still, you have to use those words, brother. We will get into that. The first robes, it was. How many times did I rewind the episode at the beginning. This was early on, Huda and Chris having a conversation, and she said something to him. I went back, I turned it up. Did she really just said that? And this was something you talk about all the time. She immediately defended herself. And for me, that was the gaslighting issue. But this all started with her walking away from someone during an intense conversation.

[Podcast Host]

Right. So when things get uncomfortable, and things certainly got uncomfortable between Huda and Chris, Huda just got up and walked off. And look, I understand that that has absolutely been a mode of operation I have employed. And I think we've talked about this before on a podcast where you said at one point, if you walk out that door, do not come back. Like, you will not be coming back. And I thought about. I had my hand on the door handle and I thought, I think he's being serious. And that's actually a fair point. I shouldn't walk off, even though I'm angry right now. And so I didn't. And I think what I have done, not. Not in even conflicts with you, but conflicts with even my daughters, I have had to say, and I think it's okay to walk off if you know your emotions are out of control. And that's okay. That happens sometimes. People, you know, you've got a trigger, you've got something you're trying to work through, and someone says the exact worst thing they could say to you and just steam comes out of your ears. Right. So what do you do? So I have found that what I've tried to do is to say, hey, I feel really emotionally volatile right now, and I don't like where I am. I'm going to take 10 minutes to calm down. And then I want to come back and continue this conversation, but when I'm in a better frame of mind, you can do that. That's how you walk away and you say, I'll come back.

[Rodney Williams]

But how hard is that?

[Podcast Host]

So hard.

[Rodney Williams]

You did it last year. Yes, right. And that's not. And you took a moment and you did it, and you recognized. But. But this wasn't between me and you, by the way. I mentioned that. But you did so. But it is. That is not your M.O. historically in your life. So you're explaining what to do is so simple.

[Podcast Host]

But it is hard when you are angry.

[Rodney Williams]

Yes.

[Podcast Host]

In the moment, the first thing you have to do is recognize, I am so out of control right now. My emotions are out of control, and I shouldn't actually speak. I shouldn't say what's bubbling up inside of me. You know, you. The other. It wasn't even. There was no argument, but I had said something, and I knew that you kind of got quiet and you. You had to leave to go do something, but you texted me later, I don't know if you remember this, and you said, hey, I just want to explain. I left a little quietly today, but you said something. And I'm not saying you said anything wrong, but it. It. It set me off in a way, and I knew I wasn't in a good place, so I needed some time. And I just wanted to explain to you how I was feeling. And I thought that was so cool because I had. I was like, something's off, but I don't know quite what it was. And you're like, I don't even need to tell you what it was that you said. I just had to get myself right. And I thought that was such a cool way to handle it.

[Rodney Williams]

And I think I've apologized for it, but I've done it before. I've walked away from it. And this is not certainly my MO But I didn't discuss it with you. This was actually in a restaurant, and I. We were sitting at the bar. I said, babe, I need a minute. And I stood up and I walked. I wasn't angry. I didn't yell and nothing except, babe, I need a minute. And I walked out the door of the restaurant. I don't know how long I was gone, but came back. But I don't think ever, ever, ever, it can be the right thing to do. A good call to make to. At the heat of battle, when you're at the height of emotion to tell somebody, I'm done with You, I'm finished with you. Like you just said, you don't have the privilege of talking to me anymore. It's insulting, it's disrespectful, it shouldn't be done. We make those mistakes. But. But they showed us. Yeah, at least an exact. And we saw how he felt about it. He actually felt crazy. Chris. At one point when she walked off, he was head. His hand in his, like, in his eyes, and he said, what am I doing? Like, am I crazy?

[Podcast Host]

Am I tripping? Am I crazy? Am I tripping something? Yeah, yeah. You start questioning your own feelings. But I, I think as long as you take accountability that you're the one who feels out of control, you're not blaming the other person. You're not saying, you just made me walk out. Or you, you actually take accountability for your out of control emotions in a calm way. Very hard to do.

[Rodney Williams]

So that was a lesson they taught us. Do not. You should not walk off like this. But lesson two comes from this as well. This scenario in which. And I didn't know this rope, but there's a whole conversation online about Huda and how she walks off. She walks off. If he won't complete a conversation, that's very immature and people have their feelings about people on the show and that's fine. We saw her in the previous episode 32, Walk off from him during a conversation. Wasn't loud, wasn't that heated, didn't explode, but still she got up and walked off while they were in a conversation. This episode, last night, very early in the episode, she says to him, I didn't walk off. The conversation ended and I walked away. And when I heard that, I started rewinding and rewinding. Did she really say that?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, she did say that. And then we rewound and rewound and saw that she did walk off. My thought is, what happens is you, when you're emotionally charged like that, and I'm not defending her, you remember things differently. You remember feeling justified. You remember saying, well, he stopped talking and so I just left. And you're not acknowledging that you actually were so angry you left as a form of punishment to say like, f you, I'm not talking to you anymore. You didn't say it, but when you got up and left, you know you were feeling that, but you don't want to admit that. And you think, well, he stopped talking, so I just left. So you're defending yourself and you're trying to, you're trying to make fact what you felt when it actually Was, in fact. And I think that. I think our emotions cloud our memory to make ourselves feel better about what we did. I'm going to give her that benefit of the doubt. Was it manipulative in the sense that she was deliberately gaslighting him? Maybe. But maybe she actually just truly remembered it differently because she wanted it to be that way.

[Rodney Williams]

And for the person on the receiving end of that, it's nothing but gaslighting.

[Podcast Host]

Correct.

[Rodney Williams]

Because I'm not sitting on the other side listening to you tell me that what I saw and what we all experienced was wrong.

[Podcast Host]

Right?

[Ryan Seacrest]

Exactly.

[Rodney Williams]

If you were emotional, that's fine. If you want to tell me you got emotional foggy brain or something. But you cannot tell me that I didn't experience what I experienced just because you were experiencing something internally that nobody.

[Podcast Host]

Else could ever dare. That's so true. And the video doesn't lie.

[Rodney Williams]

So when she said that to him, I took it as she was. And again, this isn't a matter of breaking down the episodes and context there, but for the situation I was reading. She was just defending herself like she knew she did something bad. Maybe the cameras played into it. Oh, my goodness. That didn't look good. Let me go over here and try to make it look better, make myself look better on TV for the country. She. First thing she did when she sat down, she said that I didn't. I. First of all, I didn't walk off. I ended the conversation and left. Okay. It was even a quick little aside. Didn't give him a chance to respond. So we. People do that. We've seen people do that. But when you do that to someone, and I have been on the receiving end of this too often where I am told that what I experienced didn't happen.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

And these are just.

[Podcast Host]

And you look back at that, and when you see it happen to another couple, you're like, okay. What she could have said was, I'm so sorry that I walked away and you felt abandoned. But here's what I was feeling. And in my mind, I thought the conversation was over. But you're right. I hear what you're saying. And that probably came off really rude and really disrespectful and really dismissive. So that would be an okay way to explain it.

[Rodney Williams]

I wouldn't even go as far as saying, you have to apologize. But just don't tell me that what happened did not happen just to make yourself look better or feel better. Is where gaslighting usually comes from.

[Podcast Host]

Exactly.

[Rodney Williams]

And that drives me. Banana sandwich. Now, Chris and Huda will stay with them again after all this and all this anger. Well, wow. We all got to go to bed tonight.

[Podcast Host]

They have to sleep in the same bed. They can't sleep. Oh, yeah, you're right. They can sleep outside when they get that angry, that would have been.

[Rodney Williams]

That might have been better in this situation. But Chris, they still sleep in the bed together. But she walks in after getting herself ready in robes. He's laying there turned with his back to where she's gonna lay down already with his eyes closed. I was like, oh, crazy.

[Podcast Host]

Whether he was sleeping or not, he had his back to her. That. That is a physical fu.

[Rodney Williams]

But isn't that classic, the idea of going to bed angry? What do you do?

[Podcast Host]

Get as far away on the opposite side of the bed as you can with your back to your partner.

[Rodney Williams]

We've heard different opinion. We've talked to therapists about this. We had folks on the show talking about relationships. It seems they're two different trains of thought here.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

Some will flat out tell you, yeah, it's okay to go to bed. We're not going to resolve this tonight. What we're going to do is stay up all night, just be mad, be exhausted. No, let's get some rest. Clearer thoughts in the morning. Other people say the opposite. It feel. I feel like therapists say one thing and then couples say another.

[Podcast Host]

Right. For some reason, I think that. Yes, I think therapists tell you not to go to bed angry. And perhaps what I've heard and this. I don't know if you're really mad at somebody, this is really hard to do. But even if you're mad at someone, there have been people who say, hold hands during fights. That's hilarious to me because when we're really mad at each other, the thought of doing that is so counter. I haven't heard that anything. Yes. Hold hands. I believe that was what. In Married at first sight. That is what Dr. Pepper and they suggested when you are fighting with someone to hold their hand.

[Rodney Williams]

Okay, you know, Dr. Pepper, then, okay, fine, if it was her.

[Podcast Host]

So basically the. The idea is because I think that when you get into a fight, you're upset, you're afraid. Right. You're afraid that the other person's done with you or it's over, or all of these fears of it ending come up if someone's physically touching you and saying, we're gonna get through this, but we have a lot of issues to deal with. Those are all things easy to say when you have a calmer, clearer head. When you're angry. That seems almost impossible. But they do say, like, I don't want to use the word cuddling, but some sort of physical touch. Even if you're angry at each other. We've talked about this. Even if we're not in a great place, I will reach and hold your hand and it just. There's just a. There's a calm. There's just a. Okay. Like this isn't. We're not in a good place, but we're still together and we're gonna try to figure this out.

[Rodney Williams]

Like the foot thing. It works for me. The foot thing. Go to bed.

[Podcast Host]

We do angry.

[Rodney Williams]

If your barefoot touches my barefoot. Okay. Okay.

[Podcast Host]

So, yes, I just. A little gesture like that. But when you're. I don't know that I've come your backs completely turned.

[Rodney Williams]

I don't.

[Podcast Host]

Have we done that to each other?

[Rodney Williams]

I don't ever remember making a conscious decision to make that gesture. I don't know. You know, I'll. I'll sleep on the couch. I don't.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

Care.

[Podcast Host]

I know you will sleep on a couch. It's your preferred, actually. I feel like you sleep in the bed just to appease me. Yeah, you rather sleep on the couch.

[Rodney Williams]

That's a bigger TV out front. I can turn up as loud as I need to. But I thought just for the lesson there, that is not something you do. You don't have to cuddle if you don't want to, but the last f you of the night, that's a tough one. And I certainly wouldn't recommend it. And I don't think anybody recommends you do that. That's. Let's go to bed and rest and wake up. And that's like I'm saying you one last time.

[Podcast Host]

It was a choice. Was it passive aggressive? He has those tendencies to be passive aggressive. That is a classic passive aggressive move.

[Rodney Williams]

Well, we're starting to love. We're really falling in love with Chris here. We do lately. But stay with us. We got two more things. Two more lessons. They taught us one of them. Romantic gesture or cheesy gesture. Which is it? And is there a fine line? Also, even though you resolved the conflict, your words still matter.

[Podcast Host]

With summer in full swing, you know, you feel that familiar urge to refresh your closet. But hey, I'm not trying to waste money on pieces I'm only going to wear once or just for one season.

[Rodney Williams]

Okay, I didn't feel that familiar urge. But I know where you're coming from. So this is where quints comes in. If you have that urge where their clothes are timeless, they feel luxurious, quite look elevated, and the quality is way beyond what you'd expect for the price. It's the kind of wardrobe upgrade that just works.

[Podcast Host]

Yes, think 100% European linen top starting at just $30. Washable silk dresses and skirts and soft cotton sweaters. Versatile warm weather pieces you will reach for again and again.

[Rodney Williams]

Okay, that all sounds good, but I haven't even gotten to the best part. The best part is everything with Quints is half the cost of similar brands.

[Podcast Host]

How do they do that? By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleme. Quince gives you luxury without all that markup.

[Rodney Williams]

And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes.

[Podcast Host]

I have gone back multiple times to get pieces from Quince for each season. I just got a cashmere blend summer sweater, a cotton sweater and tg. I picked out a few items for you as well.

[Rodney Williams]

You know, I was upset you didn't let me pick up my own stuff, but actually you nailed it. And I just yesterday had on that linen shirt here in New York. So hey folks, give your summer closet an upgrade with quince.

[Podcast Host]

Go to quince.com TJ for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns.

[Rodney Williams]

That's quince.com that's Q U I N C E.com TJ to get free shipping and 365 day returns.

[Podcast Host]

Again, quince.com TJ welcome back everyone, to the Love Island USA edition of Amy and TJ where we are talking about relationship lessons we are learning in each and every episode of Love island usa. And these are lessons we can all put to use in our own relationships. We we were debating about this next one. So Ace and Shelly, they're a couple, one of the final couples on Love Island. And in episode 33, they got chosen to go to the hideaway. We talked about it last episode about this big display. It's a strange, almost ritual where everyone gets each other dressed up to go have sex with each other. It's a strange, strange phenomenon that's now becoming a big part of the show. But anyway, so they're going off to the hideaway seat together to go have sex. But before that, they're getting in the hot tub. And while she's changing in from one very skimpy outfit to another, he goes and runs on the beach and draws a big heart with C and A for Shelly and Ace with a arrow through the heart. And he makes a big deal close Your eyes. Pulls her up and has her. Has it revealed that he's made this sand image and then reads her a note that he's written?

[Rodney Williams]

Okay. All of this can absolutely be seen as sweet. Is there a fine line? I think it might be a fine line between sweet, romantic, and a little cheesy. And I think it might depend on who you are.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

And how do you read. How do you know that the person you. I guess if you're with them long enough, you know, but how do you. If you're the recipient or you are the giver? Right. How do you balance. Okay, am I giving this to a person who will receive it? And then once you receive it, if you're not into it, how do you handle it?

[Podcast Host]

Okay, so here. I have really strong thoughts about this from my relationship experience and don't want to have you get too big of a head. But I feel like you deliver gifts and compliments and displays of affection in such a sincere way. And you want to know how you do that? You don't jump up and down and say, look what I did. Look what I did. Look what I'm giving you. Look what I've shown you. Let me present this to you. If you're going to do something for me, it just is what it is. You don't make a big presentation. And I think when. For me as a woman, when I see a man doing that, it's called love bombing. And it's almost for everyone else, it's for him to feel good about what he's doing. And it feels less like a gesture to me and more like a, see how much I love you and won't you love me now? Because see how much I'm loving you? It. It's. If that makes any sense. So, like, big displays, like, I don't like that. But small, quiet. When you, for instance, surprise me with a gift, you don't say, look at this gift I'm giving you. You just will put it on the bed and I will walk in and go, oh, my gosh, what's this? And it's just sweet and subtle, and you're not seeking attention for yourself.

[Rodney Williams]

We have. We've had. Okay, we've had. You've had different unique experiences here. And, you know, we talk about lessons here. Let that be one as well. To anybody, Ask yourself why you're making the gesture. Ask yourself, do you want somebody else to see it or be aware of it? Is the audience someone other than your partner?

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

That's very important question to ask. I Have actually, I was out of town. Your parents were in town. I think at least one or maybe two of the girls were here. I didn't send you flowers while I was gone because I was afraid your family might think I was just making a gesture. So you didn't get flowers. That's so funny, because I didn't want anybody else.

[Podcast Host]

I do appreciate that. And I will say, even when it's just your partner, ask yourself, are you just doing this so that they'll say how great of a boyfriend you are or how great of a girlfriend you are? Think about your motivation and be really, really honest with yourself. And I think that has been a very eye opening thing for me, being on the receiving end. And also in terms of when I give, sometimes I do say, hey, I brought you a candle. But I'm not. It's just to show you, hey, I got this so you won't miss it. Or you're like, where is this? But it's not like, see what a great girlfriend I am? See what I'm doing for you? I think when you really start taking stock of why you do things, you can understand why sometimes it comes off to the other person as inauthentic or self motivated.

[Rodney Williams]

So we're not knocking Ace here doing anything inauthentic. But things like that come up when you, when someone reads a poem to you, somebody writes a poem. I mean, for some people, they might think that's the most romantic thing in the world. If you wrote me a poem, I would look you dead in the eye. I would take it. I would love you. I say, thank you, baby. Then I would go into the restroom and laugh my ass.

[Podcast Host]

You would laugh at me. You would laugh.

[Rodney Williams]

Not in your face.

[Podcast Host]

Oh, really? I think you would.

[Rodney Williams]

If I could tell your heart was it too. I wouldn't do you like that, but damn, no.

[Podcast Host]

And so I think if Ace here's. Maybe I'm like splitting hairs here. But I was thinking as a girlfriend, if Ace had just done that in the sand, which is totally sweet and cute, and then not said anything, and if she had just looked over and seen it instead of him presenting it to her with a big thing with her closing the eyes, look what I did. If she had just seen it, that would have been so much more powerful because you'd be like, oh my God, did you do that? That's so sweet.

[Rodney Williams]

This might have been perfectly up her alley. I'm saying you're right. Some people who might be into to each his or her own, how do you you just got to know your partner. Because that's true. You are really taking a shot there. If you write a poem to somebody who thinks that's cheesy because that's a little. It's one thing to write a nice note, leave on the bed, See you later. To take the time. Roses are red, Violets are blue I want a steak tonight how about you? I mean, whatever you write, that's what I write to you. I just completely went to that.

[Podcast Host]

Right. That was funny.

[Rodney Williams]

That's how we.

[Podcast Host]

But. But I do think there are. There are women and men probably who do appreciate. But public displays of affection. They're saying, hey, you are now shouting to the world that I'm your girl or that you love me. And that's fine. That's just not. That's just not for me.

[Rodney Williams]

We're talking about different things. A display of love to the world is one thing. I am talking about a grand gesture where you see a plane fly over the Hudson while we're sitting out and it says, TJ loves Amy. That kind of stuff.

[Podcast Host]

Don't do that.

[Rodney Williams]

Okay. I'm talking about those types of gestures.

[Podcast Host]

You're right. Some people do like that. I do not. Okay. I do not.

[Rodney Williams]

Okay. Cancel the plane. Last lesson that they did teach us had to do with. Once they resolved the issue. Robes. They had resolution. They came together. Kristen Hudo. Okay. They're going to be okay. But then he used some language I took issue with.

[Podcast Host]

Yes. So, yeah, they were smiling, and she was like, I'm so. And she did say she was sorry at that point. They did kind of have this moment where she finally did admit that she had done and done some things that she wasn't proud of. And he kind of said, yeah, I would have. I would have left you if I wasn't gonna be okay with it. I wouldn't still be here with you. So obviously, I've moved on. But then he kind of said to the aside, I know shit ain't gonna change. And I was like, oh, dude, dang. And even if you think it, just don't say it out loud.

[Rodney Williams]

She was being apologetic, and they were getting past some. She was. She was, in that moment, seemed. She seemed sincere. But when someone does that, when you get conflict resolve where it's okay. And that kind of language kind of put a damper on the resolution. It put a damper on to use that type of language. That was very choice language. It says, yes, fine, it's over, but you aren't going to do what you need To. It's pointless to continue this because you aren't going to. He. It was an insult to her.

[Podcast Host]

It's hard when someone finally. And obviously it was hard for Huda and it's hard for everyone. It's hard for me to say I'm sorry. It's hard to admit you're wrong. It's hard to admit that you, that you acted badly. So then right when you finally do that, now you're vulnerable right now you're being open and, and the person says, yeah, but shit ain't gonna change that. That makes you feel deflated and defeated, like, wow. And so that stuff. But you know what Chris is doing? Chris is protecting himself. He's saying, I'm gonna do this anyway, even though I know you aren't gonna change. He's trying to give himself like a place in his. A space in his head, a space in his heart where he's doing it. Even though he thinks she might not.

[Rodney Williams]

Be great, he's reserving for later expectations that now he can't put on her. He is now taking this responsibility and saying, I can't get upset with you about it anymore. And this is something. And you can speak to this, to how that feels. Right? We all watched him say that to her. Ain't shit gonna change. I have said this to you before.

[Podcast Host]

Yes, you have.

[Rodney Williams]

On an issue that plagued us for a little bit. I said. And I gave up. I was like, you know what? Fine. When I talk about no more, ain't shit gonna change. Now this is what I want you to honestly tell people as an example here, folks, of why words matter.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah.

[Rodney Williams]

Conflict is over. We are. We've ended the fight. And I say all good, baby. I just know. Ain't shit gonna change. How does that make you feel when.

[Podcast Host]

I say terrible, awful, deflated, defeated and fearful? That. And there's also self loathing involved too, because you know you did something wrong. And then you're like, wow. The person I love doesn't think that I can do better and be better even though I want. Like, so. Yeah. What? And even if you think that, and I'm not ever encouraging anyone to not tell the truth, but maybe there's a better way to say it. Like, hey, I love you. I accept you. This isn't my favorite part of you, but I love you anyway. And you can even say like, it hurts when you do it. I hope you don't do it again. But I'm with you and I love you because I know you mean well and I hope you do change. Like, even if you think maybe it's not gonna happen, but being hopeful goes a long way.

[Rodney Williams]

Of all the options you listed for what could have been said, ain't shit gonna change. Would never be on the list of options I gave him. It will never be there.

[Podcast Host]

But you understand where that sentiment comes from and. And why. Why he said it.

[Rodney Williams]

Yeah. Just trying to protect myself for later. I don't have to have conflict with you because I've resolved it by knowing it's not going to change. I don't need to try to change it.

[Podcast Host]

And that actually is a healthy. Can be a healthy mindset. When you say I can't change you, I can only change me. That is true.

[Rodney Williams]

But I'm changing how I react to you doing something that I hate. That you do.

[Podcast Host]

Yep.

[Rodney Williams]

So he's still gonna get annoyed by it, but he is now not giving himself license to express himself about it. So he's just gonna get more and more frustrated.

[Podcast Host]

Yeah, I think you can always express it. Like you said, it's how you express it. It's your word choice.

[Rodney Williams]

And Chris is a calm brother. When he finally goes off, it's gonna be scary as hell.

[Podcast Host]

All six, eight of him. No. He has been amazing, I have to say. Like, and I have truly appreciated how he's handled.

[Rodney Williams]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host]

How he's handled it. And even, like, the willingness of both of them to be real, to be authentic. I appreciate people who don't try to pretend that they're not messy. I used a lot of negatives there. But basically, people who show and are willing to be exactly who they are, even when it's difficult.

[Rodney Williams]

So, yes, Chris and Huda, we appreciate you. We joked kind of at the top. They're showing us what not to do, but they are absolutely showing us things that do work and can work and that all of us are experiencing at the same time. So we appreciate them and we appreciate you all listening. We will continue with you all through Sunday and the big finale. But for now, I'm TJ Holmes alongside my dear, dear Amy Robot. We'll talk to y' all soon.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through July 15, stock up on all your favorite personal care brands and earn four times points to use on later purchases. For discounts on groceries or gas, shop in store or online for items like Pantene shampoo, Old Spice, Total Body Deodorant, Tampax Pearl Venus Razors, Head and shoulder shampoo, Olay Body Wash, and Pantene conditioner. And earn 4 times points. Hurry before these deals are gone. Offer ends July 15th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Belvita Advertiser]

Every day has a to do list, but adding Enjoy Belvita to yours can help you knock out the rest of it. Belveda Breakfast Biscuits are a tasty and convenient breakfast option when paired with low fat yogurt and fruit that provides steady energy all morning while Belvita Energy Snack Bites give you the perfect mid morning refuel. Best part? They both taste great, so make the most out of your morning with a bite of Velveeta. Pick up a pack of Belvita at your local store today.

[PayPal Advertiser]

Every business has an ambition. PayPal open is the platform designed to help you grow into yours with business loans so you can expand and access to hundreds of millions of PayPal customers worldwide. And your customers can pay all the ways they want with PayPal, Venmo, pay later and all major cards so you can focus on scaling up when it's time to get growing. There's one platform for all business PayPal open grow today at paypalopen.com loans subject to approval in available locations.

[Hello Products Advertiser]

Does Friendly have a taste? If it does, it's probably like hello's Peppermint Flavored Anti Plaque and Whitening Toothpaste. Brush away plaque, show tarter who's boss and remove surface stains to naturally whiten. Hello's thoughtful and flavor forward products make brushing your teeth feel like a confetti filled bathroom dance party. So say hello to hello with the always cruelty free never tested on animals toothpaste that's made to spread smiles. Visit helloproducts.com and let hello add some everyday Yay into your life.

[Travis Holloway]

What does being financially invested sound like? A retiree on a cross country drive? Someone with new long term goals? A student getting their start with over 450 ETFs. IShares gives you access to countless market opportunities. IShares by BlackRock the market is yours. Visit www.ishares.com to view your perspectives, which includes investment objectives, risks, fees, expenses and other information you should read and consider carefully before investing. Risk includes principal loss. Prepared by BlackRock Investments, LLC member Finra.

[Podcast Host]

This is an iHeart podcast.