Order Inside the Freak Offs!

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Amy Robach & T.J. Holmes present: Aubrey O’Day, Covering the Diddy Trial"

Episode: Order Inside the Freak Offs!
Release Date: June 3, 2025
Hosted By: iHeartPodcasts
Participants: Aubrey O’Day, Amy Robach, T.J. Holmes, Dr. Viviana Coles

---

1. Introduction to the Diddy Trial Coverage

The episode kicks off with Aubrey O’Day expressing her excitement about covering the high-profile Diddy trial alongside veteran journalists Amy Robach and T.J. Holmes. Aubrey, known for her tenure on Making the Band and her career in music as part of Danity Kane, brings a unique insider perspective to the proceedings that have captivated national attention.

Aubrey O’Day: “I am covering the Diddy trial... providing a unique perspective as only I am qualified to do given my first-hand knowledge.” ([02:50])

---

2. Understanding Sex Positivity and Its Misconceptions

To set the groundwork for their discussion, Aubrey introduces Dr. Viviana Coles, a licensed marriage and family therapist with over two decades of experience, specializing in emotional and physical intimacy challenges.

Aubrey O’Day: “I am a sex-positive human... someone who supports and affirms people's sexual interests, kinks, fetishes, whatever their interests are with no judgment and of course with consent.” ([02:50])

They delve into dispelling common myths surrounding various sexual behaviors to lay a foundation for analyzing the trial's testimonies.

Dr. Viviana Coles: “Sexual experiences being consensual and they need to be safe and sane... all of the information I'm sharing today is from my 20 plus years of working with couples and individuals.” ([04:49])

---

3. Myths vs. Reality: Debunking Common Misconceptions

Aubrey and Dr. Coles engage in a myth-busting segment to clarify misconceptions about sexual behaviors often labeled as 'freak offs'.

• Orgies and Trauma:

  Justin Richmond: “Is it true or not that people who enjoy orgies are traumatized?” ([05:24])

  Dr. Coles: “That is false. There are many functional people who like to explore sexual pleasure and kinks in a very safe way that has nothing to do with trauma.” ([05:35])

• Group Sex and Morality:

  Justin Richmond: “Does group sex mean that you lack morals?” ([05:52])

  Dr. Coles: “Absolutely not. Many people engage in group sex to stay connected with their partners, ensuring their own connection remains intact.” ([06:00])

• Kinks as Psychological Damage:

  Justin Richmond: “Is kink a result of sexual damage or psychological damage as well?” ([06:20])

  Dr. Coles: “It can be, but it’s not always the case. It’s a maybe.” ([06:27])

• Non-Traditional Sex and Emotional Harm:

  Justin Richmond: “Is non-traditional sex emotionally harmful?” ([06:40])

  Dr. Coles: “It can be, depending on the circumstances... For most, exploring different ways can be very healthy.” ([06:50])

These discussions highlight the importance of context, consent, and communication in defining the healthiness of various sexual practices.

---

4. Breaking Down 'Freak Offs': Voyeurism and Cuckolding in the Trial Context

A pivotal part of the episode involves dissecting specific sexual behaviors alleged in the trial, particularly voyeurism and cuckolding.

Justin Richmond: “A lot of people don't understand the layout of the freak offs... Can you explain to the audience what cuckolding is?” ([07:09])

Dr. Viviana Coles: “Cuckolding refers to when a partner enjoys and gets sexual gratification from watching or knowing that their partner is experiencing sexual pleasure with someone else.” ([07:36])

They relate these definitions directly to the case at hand, discussing how testimonies have alleged that Diddy exhibited such behaviors, including being present or orchestrating sexual acts via FaceTime.

---

5. When Sexual Behavior Becomes Criminal

The conversation shifts to defining the boundaries between consensual kink and criminal coercion, especially in light of the allegations against Diddy.

Dr. Viviana Coles: “Anytime that someone is doing something against their will... these are things that I think are very unhealthy and dysfunctional at the least.” ([08:35])

Justin Richmond elaborates on the trial's testimonies, emphasizing claims that Diddy's actions were coercive rather than consensual.

Justin Richmond: “All of those things that have been established as part of coercive abuse have been established in this trial through testimony...” ([09:07])

This segment underscores the critical difference between consensual exploration of sexuality and abusive, non-consensual behaviors that cross into criminality.

---

6. Power Dynamics and Exploitation in Sexual Relationships

The discussion evolves to examine how power imbalances can lead to exploitation, drawing parallels to the dynamics observed in the trial.

Justin Richmond: “There's a through line with him that always exerted extreme power... There was like the choking element. It shows a desire to exert control over a life and death moment.” ([20:18])

Dr. Viviana Coles: “For a lot of people who are struggling to find healthy ways to express their sexuality... you're not in a very healthy sexual relationship.” ([25:05])

These insights illustrate how individuals in positions of authority can manipulate sexual dynamics, leading to environments where consent is compromised.

---

7. Observations on Sex Parties: Consent and Safety

Aubrey shares her firsthand experiences attending a celebrity sex party, providing a stark contrast between consensual gatherings and the alleged coercive practices in the trial.

Aubrey O’Day: “I was invited... to assess the scene... but I didn't see love in any of it. My soul just felt like hurt...” ([29:46])

Dr. Viviana Coles: “There are rules that people play by... no excessive use of drugs or alcohol, ensuring no loss of consent.” ([30:58])

This segment emphasizes the importance of established safety protocols in consensual sexual environments versus the lack thereof in the trial's allegations.

---

8. The Pressure to 'Up the Ante' in Relationships

Justin delves into societal pressures, especially on women, to escalate sexual performances to maintain relationships, a theme resonant with many testimonies in the trial.

Justin Richmond: “Make sure that all parts of your soul, your mind, your spirit, are consenting in the behaviors that you participate in.” ([35:45])

Dr. Viviana Coles: “None of those have to be extremely painful or morally disgusting. If you're feeling like you have to 'up the ante,' it might be time to seek therapy.” ([34:24])

The dialogue highlights the detrimental effects of external pressures on personal boundaries and the necessity for open communication and self-consent in healthy relationships.

---

9. Conclusion: Advocating for Healthy, Consensual Sexual Practices

As the episode wraps up, Aubrey and Dr. Coles reiterate the importance of consent, personal boundaries, and seeking professional help when needed. They advocate for a sex-positive approach that celebrates consensual expression while vehemently opposing coercion and abuse.

Dr. Viviana Coles: “For all of you survivors out there... they can get to a much better and healthier place when it comes to both relationships and sexuality.” ([39:46])

Justin Richmond: “Sex is fun. Being sex positive is great... make sure that all parts of you... are consenting in the behaviors you participate in.” ([35:45])

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Aubrey O’Day: “I am covering the Diddy trial... providing a unique perspective as only I am qualified to do given my first-hand knowledge.” ([02:50])

• Dr. Viviana Coles: “Sexual experiences being consensual and they need to be safe and sane... all of the information I'm sharing today is from my 20 plus years of working with couples and individuals.” ([04:49])

• Dr. Viviana Coles: “That is false. There are many functional people who like to explore sexual pleasure and kinks in a very safe way that has nothing to do with trauma.” ([05:35])

• Justin Richmond: “Anytime that someone is doing something against their will... these are things that I think are very unhealthy and dysfunctional at the least.” ([08:35])

• Justin Richmond: “There's a through line with him that always exerted extreme power... There was like the choking element. It shows a desire to exert control over a life and death moment.” ([20:18])

• Justin Richmond: “Make sure that all parts of your soul, your mind, your spirit, are consenting in the behaviors that you participate in.” ([35:45])

• Dr. Viviana Coles: “For all of you survivors out there... they can get to a much better and healthier place when it comes to both relationships and sexuality.” ([39:46])

---

Final Thoughts

This episode offers a comprehensive and nuanced exploration of the Diddy trial, intertwining personal experiences, expert insights, and critical analysis of sexual behaviors and consent. Aubrey O’Day, enriched by Dr. Viviana Coles' expertise, provides listeners with a deep understanding of the complexities surrounding consensual sex practices and the fine line where abuse and criminal activity intersect. The conversation underscores the necessity of consent, healthy boundaries, and the importance of addressing power dynamics in all relationships.

Transcript

[Justin Richmond]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Tyler Perry]

Are you still quoting 30 year old movies? Have you said cool beans in the past 90 days? Do you think Discover isn't widely accepted? If this sounds like you, you're stuck in the past. Discover is accepted at 99% of places that take credit cards nationwide and every time you make a purchase with your card, you automatically earn cash back. Welcome to the now it's It Pays to Discover. Learn [e-mail] credit card Based on the February 2024 Nielsen report, this is Justin Richmond from Broken Record. Are you the kind of person who sets standards for themselves? Like personally, I told myself if the Lakers lose their do or Die Game five, I wouldn't let it impact my mood at home with family the standard Lexus has set for themselves is to experience amazing. Lexus measures success by the feelings and emotions evoked in a driver, like exhilaration and joy. Amazing can only be achieved by knowing people on a deeper level. The standard of amazing results in machines that make you feel more human. Because a car that doesn't make you feel something is a car that stops short of amazing experience. Amazing at your Lexus dealer Hey everybody.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Tyler Perry here and I couldn't be.

[Tyler Perry]

Prouder to introduce my new BET original series Divorced Sisters on BET Awards Night. We're giving you a sneak peek at the very first episode.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Meet Bridget, Rasheeda and Naomi and Tiffany in Geneva.

[Tyler Perry]

Five friends facing the ups and downs of life after relationships.

[Justin Richmond]

It's crazy how life is if everything is perfect and then you get married, you don't care for me anymore.

[Tyler Perry]

You don't Tyler Perry's divorce sisters sneak.

[Justin Richmond]

Peek after BET Awards 2025 streaming June.

[Tyler Perry]

10 exclusively on BET Want to Feel more creative but don't have the right laptop? Lenovo.com can help. Look through our legendary lineup of AI powered PCs and devices and find the one that fits your passion. Our PCs, powered by Intel Core Ultra processors as well as cutting edge AI tools, allow students to focus and create with ease. That's the power of Lenovo. With intel inside Plus, college students and teachers can get 5% off their order. Shop now on Lenovo.com the future's waiting and it needs you.

[Aubrey O'Day]

This is Reshawn MacDonald from Money Making Conversations Masterclass. How can you free your team from time consuming office tasks? Amazon Business empowers leaders to not only streamline purchasing, but better support their teams. Smart business buying tools enable buyers to find and purchase items fast so they can focus on strategy and growth. It's time to free up your teams and Focus on your future. Learn more about the technology, insights and Support available at amazonbusiness.com.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Amy and TJ.

[Tyler Perry]

Presents Aubrey O' Day covering the Diddy Trial.

[Justin Richmond]

Hey everyone, I am so excited to be back with you. I am covering the Diddy trial. This is TJ J and Amy presents me Aubrey o' Day covering the Diddy trial. I have with me today Dr. Viviana Coles who has dedicated her career to helping couples and individuals navigate emotional and physical intimacy challenges since 2003. Now, Viviana, I don't want to come off too psychotic here, but I am a viv Stan. I am the biggest fan of Married at First sight and I know you were on for six seasons sharing the wealth of information that you have in regards to how to create successful positive relationships. Specifically why I really wanted to have you here with me today is this headline making phrase the freak offs has become a worldwide discussed and mostly I noticed, made fun of topic because likely a lot of people don't fully understand what they are, what they look like, what they mean, what they mean in positive experiences versus negative environments. I kind of want to just really get inside the freak off, no pun intended, and start to actually discuss what all of the elements are. And so just to kind of start us out, I'm a sex positive human. I know you are as well. And for people that don't necessarily understand the exact definition, it's basically just someone who supports and affirms people's sexual interests, kinks, fetishes, whatever their interests are with no judgment and of course with consent. That's the big one. Yeah, yeah. Yes. And with that being said, I want to ask you before we get into breaking down situations in the trial, let's do myth versus reality. Quick shots, real quick, just so we can kind of establish a norm for the audience in regards to some of the behaviors that they're hearing during this trial.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

So yeah, just so everybody knows, I'm not professionally or personally associated with any of the parties involved in the trial, but all of the information I'm going to be sharing today is from my 20 plus years of working with couples and individuals as a licensed marriage and family therapist and a certified sex therapist. And yes, like Aubrey, I'm definitely sex positive. So we'll be talking about it in that way. But first and foremost, we have to know about sexual experiences being consensual and they need to be safe and sane. So that's where we're coming from, at least from my standpoint.

[Justin Richmond]

Yeah. So actually let's go into myths versus reality just a little bit before we get into the details of the trial. Is it true or not that people who enjoy orgies are traumatized?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

That is false. There are many, many very, you know, functional people who like to explore with others sexual pleasure, sexual desire, and all sorts of kinks in a very safe way that has nothing to do with trauma.

[Justin Richmond]

Does group sex mean your excitement about group sex or participation in it mean that, that. That you lack morals?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Absolutely not. That is false. For a lot of people who are trying to stay connected with their partners, they want to experience other people in a way that will not mess with their own connection. And having group sex can be one way that they explore that, as long as there's lots of conversations going on in a very safe way.

[Justin Richmond]

Is kink a result, kink or fetish a result of sexual damage or psychological damage as well?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Yeah, it can be. It can always be something that you've adapted from psychological damage. But that is not always the case. So I would say it's a maybe.

[Justin Richmond]

Okay. And is having different, different things. We're about to discuss non traditional sex. Is it emotionally harmful?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

It can be emotionally harmful. I wish I could say yes or no, but it can be depending on the actual circumst circumstances for each of the partners. But for most people, exploring in different ways, using all sorts of accessories and tools and fantasies can be very healthy.

[Justin Richmond]

Okay, so let's actually just dive right into the trial now that we've established some myths versus realities. A lot of people don't necessarily understand the layout of a lot of the freak offs that have been discussed in trials. So what I want you to first kind of explain to people is the difference of voyeurism or even just, I think it could be under the guise of voyeurism, cuckolding. Can you explain to the audience what cuckolding is?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Yes. So cuckolding is a term that refers to when a partner enjoys and gets sexual gratification from watching or knowing that their partner is experiencing a sexual behavior or sexual pleasure with someone else outside of their own sexual experience. So they may be in the room, they may be across the country, they may just be getting information via text in between kisses, whatever it is.

[Justin Richmond]

And two of those things that you just named actually were what was happening in Diddy's case in regards to being in the room, masturbating during the scenes that he was dictating. Then there also was when he was put on FaceTime, it was discussed in trial to watch or observe something. Now, because you've discussed cuckolding in a sex positive way. I'd like to address it in a coercive, abusive way. When does cuckolding become something that is criminal?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

I would say anytime that someone is doing something against their will for fear of harm to themselves or even being threatened, their life being threatened if they feel like there's retaliation that might happen, whether that's real or imagined. Those are things that I think. I'm not an attorney, so I don't know if it's criminal, but I think it's very unhealthy and dysfunctional at the least to want to make someone do something that they don't want to do, especially in a vulnerable and sensitive place like sex.

[Justin Richmond]

And all of those things that you have established as part of coercive abuse have been established in this trial through testimony of various people that had sexual experiences with Diddy. You know, they've alleged that those things have all occurred.

[Reshawn McDonald]

There's a moment every parent remembers the day their child takes off on two wheels. With Guardian bikes. That moment comes as early as 2 years old and with less stress and frustration. These bikes are built just for kids. Lightweight frames, low center of gravity, easy to use brakes. Everything about Guardian is designed to help kids ride confidently, often in just one day. No training wheels needed. And because Guardian bikes are designed and assembled right here in the usa, you know they're built to last with care in every detail. Their patented SureStop braking system stops both wheels with a single lever, helping your child stop safely without tripping forward or losing control. Right now, save hundreds when comparing Guardian to its [e-mail] and get a free lock and pump when you join their newsletter. A $50 value. Visit guardianbikes.com today to save and help your child learn an essential life skill safely. Guardian bikes built for your kid and for the memories you'll never forget.

[Aubrey O'Day]

You're great at protecting your own personal information. You probably even use things like two factor authentication, strong passwords and a vpn. But as much as you try to be in control of how your information is protected, there are lots of places that also have it and they might not be as careful as you are. That's why LifeLock monitors millions of data points every second for identity threats. If your identity is stolen, a LifeLock US based restoration specialist will help solve identity theft issues on your behalf, guaranteed or your money back. Plus, all LifeLock plans are backed by the million dollar protection package, meaning LifeLock will reimburse you up to the limits of your plan if you lose money due to identity theft. You might not be able to control how others handle your personal information, but you can help protect it with LifeLock. Save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELOCK and use promo code IHEART or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40%.

[Cindy Crawford]

Off terms apply for period protection. You can put on and forget about. Nothing beats Nick's Leakproof Underwear, North America's number one leak proof underwear brand. Let's face it, life can be unpredictable. But your leak proof underwear shouldn't be. That's why millions of people choose Nyx for periods, for light leaks, for everyday freshness. Nyx undies are super comfy, super absorbent and made to handle whatever your day throws at you. Day two of your period covered your daily run. No problem. That big sneeze? You know the one? Yep, we've got you. And with styles like bikinis, boy shorts, thongs and high rise plus sizes from extra small to 4XL, NYX makes it easy to find your perfect fit. Say goodbye to stress and leaks and say hello to undies that work just as hard as you do no matter the leak. Find the style and level of protection you [e-mail] and use code flow15 for 15% off. That's knix.com code flo15 for 15% off NYX for your leaks for your life.

[Tyler Perry]

This is Justin Richmond from Broken Record. Are you the kind of person who sets standards for themselves? Like, personally, I told myself if the Lakers lose their do or die game five, I wouldn't let it impact my mood at home with family. The standard Lexus has set for themselves is to experience amazing. Lexus measures success by the feelings and emotions evoked in a driver, like exhilaration and joy. Amazing can only be achieved by knowing people on a deeper level. The standard of amazing results in machines that make you feel more human. Because a car that doesn't make you feel something is a car that stops short of amazing experience. Amazing at your Lexus dealer.

[Unknown Speaker]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like, I never liked being told, oh.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Wow, you look so good for your age.

[Unknown Speaker]

Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Great at any age, every age.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Meaningful Beauty.

[Unknown Speaker]

Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more@meaningful beauty.com.

[Justin Richmond]

Another term that we've heard discussed and it's kind of a hot topic. One is, I first learned it as golden showers. We're hearing it as urinating. You know, the escorts were told to urinate in Cassie's mouth and at times even for her to choke on it. I do want to kind of point out for people that had such outrage or visceral reactions or even humor, humorous reactions to that. This is not the first time we have been introduced to this idea. It was talked about during the Tiger woods cheating scandal. It was talked about during President Trump's alleged encounters in Russia. It has been talked about on Sex in the City. I think in like 2000 when the guy from Mad Men came on and wanted to do it with Carrie the politician and she was like, loved him and she thought, you know, this could be everything she wanted. But he just had that one little fetish kink of wanting to have a golden shower. I think it was on that episode in the shower. As a sex positive person myself, I will. I can actually discuss with my inside information from being at Bad Boy that this was a conversation that was had amongst many of the key players at Bad Boy. Many people that were in positions of authority over me with a lot of the artists. It was discussed in a sexy way. It was discussed as like after I, you know, potentially get fellatio, I like to. Men like to then urinate and if I can do all of the above on the girl, it's like so hot because I. It's this. It's the dynamic that sometimes is very necessary in sexual relationships. The power dynamics, right? Like, you know, I know women that like soft, gentle love. I'm hard and aggressive in work every day. When I get into bed, I like to be a little dominated and I like to be handled in a consensual, non coercive way. But I like to be spanked and I like a little choking sometimes. I have dabbled in the golden shower area, but just simply because of hearing all the men at Bad Boy discussing it being something that was so hot and they were. Some did it with their wives, some did it with the women they cheated on their wives with. Whatever. Everybody kind of got into this discussion. It was the first time I remember really actually hearing the male perspective that it was kind of exciting and interesting and something that's like personal, that's like this secret that seems like not normal that you share with somebody that only you two have together. And. And I'd like you to kind of get into when it's a sexually positive Thing, potentially, and when it's a criminal thing.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

So it depends on if you're negotiating, whether you're the one that's urinating on your partner or they're urinating on you. Either way, I think it's so important to be able to really reflect on why it is that this is important to you. For some people. And I think this is probably more likely under these scenarios that you're talking about. It's. It's a sign of dominance. It's a sign of almost like ownership or establishing you're my partner and you're mine. And so for a lot of people, that is a really erotic thought to have that sense of dominance and of connection in that way. For some people, you know, they do that with blood. Bonding with others, there is, you know, their species involved with others.

[Justin Richmond]

Scat plays and that's called I have a friend that does it. So I got to learn all about that world. That one's a little much for me. But again, I'm sex positive, so no judgment.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Yeah, well. And I think for a lot of people who are doing these things as part of their non traditional but more routine sexual play, they've done a lot of the research of how to do these things in a way that isn't going to make somebody extremely ill. And they know how to stop when someone says no, or if even in the middle of playing, if the person says no, it means no and all things need to end. And unfortunately, with these very random stranger experiences that some people are experiencing, they can't really trust each other enough to know that they're in safe hands.

[Justin Richmond]

Yeah. Or in like Cassie's case, she's young, she is groomed, and there's a part of the dialogue that I think a lot of people missed that I noticed in the testimony where she said in the beginning days when she would entertain this, that when he. When he shared with her that he was into this behavior that is, you know, is maybe abnormal to most people. She said when she was first entertaining it, you know, that she. She wasn't enjoying it. It doesn't seem like much or ever she was. She. I think she learned to express enjoyment for it in order to get attention and reaction from the person that she loved. But there was an exchange where she said, I didn't want to push back and tell him I didn't like something because I didn't want him to think he was like, weird or I was judging something that he, like, shared with me that, that he likes doing. That's very personal.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

And that's very common practice in any sexual relationship.

[Justin Richmond]

Yes. It's like people see these isolated stories as, oh, this is. They see it as also dark. But imagine being in your bed with somebody that's that you're falling in love with and they tell you something potentially happened in childhood. It could have been triggered from many things. It could just be something fully positive, not rooted in anything traumatic. But either way, the sharing of something so personal from somebody that is so powerful and nobody really knows personally like that. I mean, it always. There's this through line with Cassie that she's always wanting to just be closer, to just be with him, to just be in his presence, to just get to have more time with him. And it seems like a lot of his victims share that.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Yeah, A lot of people in sexual relationships, as they're getting to know each other, as they're getting to understand what feels good and feels pleasurable. In healthy relationships, especially in long term, established relationships, they can grow with each other and they can almost initiate different things. And maybe for most long term couples, they don't. The way that their sex life looked at the very beginning is very different than 20, 30 years in.

[Justin Richmond]

Sure. And there's a through line with him that always exerted extreme power. There's a humiliation tactic behind a lot of his fetishes. Within the testimony that I'm noticing bodily control, degradation, life threatening fear, there was like the choking element. Let's just go to that specifically. That shows a desire to exert control over a life and death moment in sexual dominance. If you could choke on something, you could die. That's a life or death moment. It should be taken seriously as that. I know that it sounds a bit dramatic or extreme to suggest that, but if you choke for too long, you're gone.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Well, and people who are in the BDSM community and who are really researched on these things, they do, they do like rehearsals, they have communication that makes it to where you're not actually at risk. Typically for real, real danger. That is not what gets a lot of these people off. It's more about the pleasure that's derived from being vulnerable with someone. And so the idea of it just being something that you do spontaneously is very reckless for a lot of people to try that in their own bedrooms. Even with something as more commonplace as anal sex. I'm always telling my clients, you need to prepare your body for that or you can risk some severe and serious physical harm and potential trauma. So if we're talking about even more.

[Justin Richmond]

Which is why I Wanted us to have this conversation because we need to start discussing things like anal sex, like urinating on somebody. These things are kinks, their fetishes. If you're a sex positive person and you're able to be able to have access to information and understand all the ways to properly prepare yourself, if both you and your, the people or person that you're engaging in sexual behavior with are all consenting, then understanding how to prep your body and prep the setting enough to understand where everyone feels safe and good about themselves. Now, with that being said, I wonder on the flip side, because it's obvious that forced coercion and many other things were being exerted during most of the sexual experiences that the people testifying against Diddy are alleging in regards to the bitcoin being flipped. And looking at Diddy now, we obviously have not seen him, his side present his story or given us any understanding other than they have been suggested that he is a swinger and that these types of behaviors are like how it is in the celebrity world and it's just an elevated lifestyle and everyone kind of knows what it is, I would suggest that I absolutely disagree with that. And I am somebody who was in that world and came from the regular, quote, regular world and lived in that very extreme world. But beyond that, I wonder, almost even Puff, who was once just a regular human like everybody else, and then became, as he likes to allegedly be by many people that testified, be known as the king, the God amongst men. Did he at some point start potentially in. Is it possible that he started in a sexually positive place? Or maybe he was exposed to things in his childhood that made him understand sexual in a more forward way, but that at some point he just lost the plot?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

You know, I can't really speak to that because I don't know anything about him or his childhood. But I can tell you that for a lot of people who are struggling to find healthy ways to express their sexuality in consensual ways, I think the piece that is missing for a lot of them is understanding true empathy and being able to understand what it's like to be the recipient of some of these actions and caring about their experience. So if you're out there and you're in a sexual relationship and all you're about is how it feels to you and what works to you, chances are you're not in a very healthy sexual relationship. Correct. I think the piece that's missing for a lot of people in relationships where they're experiencing repeated coerced and, you know, the, the piece that's missing is not having the access to education, the planning, the choice and decision making that every sexual experience should have in order to truly be healthy and bonding.

[Reshawn McDonald]

There's a moment every parent remembers the day their child takes off on two wheels with Guardian bikes. That moment comes as early as 2 years old and with less stress and frustration. These bikes are built just for kids. Lightweight frames, low center of gravity, easy to use brakes. Everything about Guardian is designed to help kids ride confidently, often in just one day. No training wheels needed. And because Guardian bikes are designed and assembled right here in the usa, you know they're built to last with care in every detail. Their patented SureStop braking system stops both wheels with a single lever, helping your child stop safely without tripping forward or losing control. Right now, save hundreds when comparing Guardian to its [e-mail] and get a free lock and pump when you join their newsletter. A $50 value. Visit guardianbikes.com today to save and help your child learn an essential life skill safely. Guardian bikes built for your kid and for the memories you'll never forget.

[Cindy Crawford]

For period protection, you can put on and forget about nothing. Beats Nyx leakproof underwear North America's number one leak proof underwear brand. Let's face it, life can be unpredictable, but your leak proof underwear shouldn't be. That's why millions of people choose NYX for periods, for light leaks, for everyday freshness. Nyx undies are super comfy, super absorbent and made to handle whatever your day throws at you. Day two of your period covered your daily run no problem. That big sneeze? You know the one? Yep, we've got you. And with styles like bikinis, boy shorts, thongs and high rise plus sizes from extra small to 4XL, NYX makes it easy to find your perfect fit. Say goodbye to stress and leaks and say hello to undies that work just as hard as you do, no matter the leak. Find the style and level of protection you [e-mail] and use code flow15 for 15% off. That's K-N-X.com code flow15 for 15% off nicks for your leaks for your life.

[Tyler Perry]

This is Justin Richmond from Broken Record. Are you the kind of person who sets standards for themselves? Like personally, I told myself if the Lakers lose their do or Die Game five, I wouldn't let it impact my mood at home with family. The standard Lexus has set for themselves is to experience amazing Lexus measures success by the feelings and emotions evoked in a driver like exhilaration and joy. Amazing can only be achieved by knowing people on a deeper level. The standard of amazing results in machines that make you feel more human. Because a car that doesn't make you feel something is a car that stops short of amazing experience. Amazing at your Lexus dealer hi, I'm.

[Unknown Speaker]

Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you but like, I never liked being told oh.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Wow, you look so good for your age.

[Unknown Speaker]

Like why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Great at any age, every age.

[Unknown Speaker]

That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty Beautiful skin at every age. Learn [e-mail] Unlock smarter learning with Lenovo AI powered PCs powered by Intel Core Ultra processors. Head to lenovo.com and choose from multiple devices to fit your passions. If you're a gamer, you can spend less time stressing about GPUs and CPUs and more time dominating with your AI enabled smart engine which optimizes your game performance in real time. Or maybe you're a scientist on the verge of a groundbreaking discovery and need a device with a longer battery life and AI enhanced tools to give you extra time to finish your research. Or you're a musician preparing for your biggest break and need bed better faster AI tools to make digital art a breeze like creating band posters and T shirt designs. Or you're a soon to be graduate needing to catch a recruiter's eye to land that dream job. So you need cutting edge smart tools to build your portfolio from scratch. That's the power of Lenovo with Intel inside. Plus college students and teachers get 5% off with an education account on Lenovo.com a better future is waiting and it needs you.

[Justin Richmond]

I have a question for you. Are Diddy's proclivities a little bit more common than people realize? Because I at one point was invited in just living in LA to a celebrity sex party and we had to dress up and wear masks. Obviously I had no desire or intention to have sex there, but I definitely wanted to go assess the scene so I could tell everybody about it later.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Well, shame on you Aubrey.

[Justin Richmond]

That is no Viv, you just said we have to give information to the people. They need to know what it looks like and how to keep themselves safe if they choose to be in the environment. So as somebody I signed an NDA. I'm not naming names, but I will say that everybody was consensual. It was very performative. There was an actual performance that occurred prior to them opening up the rooms upstairs. And kind of when I observed all of it, I would. I just felt like I did. I didn't understand it and it didn't make sense to me because I didn't see love in any of it. And I didn't see that any of them knew each other well enough that they had a respect for someone that they were allowing inside of them. It. I just. It couldn't. I couldn't lock into it. And you can't observe for too long in the rooms. They kick you out. They think you're being a little bit strange if you're just watching. Watching was fascinating, but almost fascinating in a way where my soul just felt like, hurt, but not judgmental, just hurt that I wish. I wonder why there's something in me that's. That can't just look at sex as sex. And. And just that.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Yeah, I. I think, to answer your question, I think it is a very common thing to have sex parties all over the US and all over the world. The difference is that there are. There are rules that people play by.

[Justin Richmond]

Yeah. And specifically in regards to this trial, you can't pay for prostitutes to come have sexual experiences across state lines. These are part of the charges. You cannot pay for any of that. You cannot bring people across state lines. You cannot have situations that are at all, even seemingly not consensual. No force or coercion can ever be used in any of those types of situations. Those are all unhealthy. And if it proven criminal.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

And sometimes they won't allow any excessive use of drugs or alcohol. They don't want anyone being able to forfeit their ability to consent even halfway through the party. Certainly there are no phones, filming recordings involved.

[Justin Richmond]

You think an orgy is as much fun without a drink? I think if I had a margarita, it would be more fun than sober. Have you ever had one where you. Do you mind saying if you have or not, are you not going there with it? I'm so curious. I'm such a fan of you. I just want to know how you get down, Viv.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Well, like, let me tell you, I think it's. I think the way that I've heard that some of these parties go down. The attention to detail and the care that the organizers put into it for everyone to have a really positive experience. I can see why people really enjoy these parties. And I will or will not confirm or deny if I've ever been to one or seen one.

[Justin Richmond]

Oh, man, you've definitely seen one. I can read it from your face. For those that can't see this beautiful face in front of me, she's definitely seen one. I'm calling it right now, allegedly. Okay, so potentially, I guess I think the best place we can leave this off at is it's kind of ingrained in women, at least in my experience, that potentially in order to keep a man happy in long term relationships, especially with very powerful men that have access to anything and everything, I've dated a few of those, a good amount of those in my life, there is maybe potentially this feeling that you have to up the ante. I'm sure it happens just in everyday life and everyday relationships that aren't living at such extremes like in the celebrity world. But, but this idea that you kind of have to up the ante, I mean, I was told by my, at a very young age, learn how to give a good blowjob if you ever want a husband. You're not going to get one if you don't give them head. A lot of men just really prefer head over having sex. And so I try to tell girls all the time when they're like, oh, I don't give blowjobs, I don't like it. I sometimes like have this little fear in my heart like, baby girl, learn how to like it or your man's going to potentially want it from somewhere else. And I ask a lot of men in my life, do you guys prefer sex or blowjobs? I hear blow jobs more than sexual a good amount of the time.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

And I think a lot of women feel the same way where they love to, you know, they prefer being easy to go down on them. Yeah.

[Justin Richmond]

Is there a pressure to up the ante when you're in situations like, like as a woman, if you're wanting to keep your man, I think we should definitely establish this for all women out there. What is a reason why upping the ante would not be a way to keep the man?

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

So anytime you're in a long term relationship and you want it to be sexually satisfying for the long term, you really want to have a lot of tricks up your sleeve. But none of those have to be extremely painful, physically uncomfortable, potentially morally disgusting.

[Justin Richmond]

To you, or humiliating or humiliating or.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Something that you feel like you have to really kind of disassociate in order to be a part of, these are all signs that it's not the right thing for you. And it could be that it's not the Right relationship for you. But being able to say and know what you want and being able to communicate what you do want and what you don't want is always going to be a great skill across the board in any sort of dynamic. And if you're thinking that you keep having to up the ante, up the ante, it might be time for you to see a sex therapist that can help you with the relationship stuff. Because dissatisfaction in the bedroom can obviously lead to lots of issues outside of the bedroom. But when it can come to a place where you're feeling like you might be being used, being abused, being coerced, being even just harmed in any way, it's not a good sign. It's a sign that something is really wrong and you should listen to your gut. You know, there's people out there that call it femtuition and you should definitely be listening to that.

[Justin Richmond]

And also, just to clarify as well, you know, this is not just for women, this is also for men. There are relationships across the board in every category where there is consent and coercive situations occurring. And most of all, you should, in my opinion, and I've been somebody who has and hasn't utilized my sexual toolbox to attract more love my way from somebody that I wanted or did love. It doesn't age well. I don't suggest it. And if you've done it, don't beat yourself up about it. Let it go. But understand what part of you desired that behavior and correct it and throw it out. Get into therapy right now if you don't know how to do that, if therapy isn't available, we have such great access to people like Viv, the Internet, this podcast in general. I mean, you can listen to many different things that are for free that cost you nothing that can help advise you as to what may be going on in regards to why you're wanting to utilize those parts of yourself. But sex is fun. Being sex positive is great. It doesn't always have to imply any type of trauma or any type of instability. It can come from it. It doesn't have to come from it. It's a place that is healthy and even can be driven in those spaces. Excitement, ecstasy, happiness without drugs, and all of the above. But if you're ever in any of those situations and you are don't want them, or you're only there because you think that as, as somebody that's wanting to attract someone else, you're needing to up the ante, you got to get out of that and you got to get away from that. Because there is no ante you will ever be able to up that will give them enough happiness to stay with you. As we have seen with Cassie and many people that have taken the stand and alleged abuse, this man didn't seem to be happy with any of them in any long term situation. It is an endless road. It does not lead you anywhere good. And you would be better off at stopping, jumping off and hitchhike yourself back to a place where you can start over and create the proper boundaries in your sexual life and your sexual thoughts and mentality, which can be as freaky as you want, but just make sure that it's consensual. And not just consensual with the partner, but consensual with yourself. Your mind, your boundaries, your alignment for yourself. Make sure that all parts of you, your soul, your mind, your spirit, are consenting in the behaviors that you participate in as well. Have you ever been peed on? Viv, Just say it. Yes or no. Quick fire.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

My husband and I shower together sometimes. So yeah, it happens.

[Justin Richmond]

It exactly. In the shower. It's not that crazy. It's. It's ig. I just. I was like, this is cool. Whatever. I like it if you like it. And it was. We shared a moment, we laughed about it. It was great. The gag is who it was. But we won't get into that because I, you know, don't want to take down any more powerful big men. But Viv, you are so amazing. Literally, it's been my dream in life to go on Married at First Sight when I'm done with whatever this stupid fame world is that I exist in. I've always wanted to just be a regular person that goes to my local office and applies for Married at First Sight so that a group of very capable therapists could find somebody that could handle the craziness that is me. But I appreciate how many relationships that you've helped, how positive you are about sexual behavior and consenting relationships, and how much work you put into bringing people together and teaching people how to connect in positive ways. So thank you so much for spending this time with me today.

[Dr. Viviana Coles]

Thank you so much, Aubry. I love the insights that you're sharing and I hope that they connect with the people who need to hear them. And for all of you survivors out there, just know I've seen firsthand in the work that I do with people. They can get to a much better and healthier place when it comes to both relationships and sexuality. So you've got that.

[Justin Richmond]

Thank you Dr. Viviana, Amy and TJ.

[Tyler Perry]

Presents Aubrey O' Day covering the Diddy trial. Hey everybody.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Tyler Perry here and I couldn't be.

[Tyler Perry]

Prouder to introduce my new BET original series Divorced Sisters on BET Awards night. We're giving you a sneak peek at the very first episode.

[Aubrey O'Day]

Meet Bridget, Rasheeda and Naomi and Tiffany in Geneva.

[Tyler Perry]

Five friends facing the ups and downs of life after relationships.

[Justin Richmond]

It's crazy how life is one minute everything is perfect and then you get married. You don't care for me anymore.

[Tyler Perry]

You don't Tyler Perry's divorced sisters sneak.

[Justin Richmond]

Peek after BET Awards 2025 streaming June.

[Tyler Perry]

10Th exclusively on BET.

[Unknown Speaker]

Let your imagination take flight with an AI powered PC from Lenovo. Whether it's creating digital art, designing new software, or building a portfolio for a Future career, our PCs are powered by Intel Core Ultra processors to help students unlock smarter learning and unleash their creativity. That's the power of Lenovo. With intel inside, all you have to do is choose the one that fits your passion. Head to lenovo.com to shop AI PCs and find your perfect companion. Plus get 5% off when you create an education account.

[Aubrey O'Day]

This is Reshawn McDonald from Money Making Conversations Masterclass. Every business starts with an idea. How can you go from daydreamer to industry leader? Amazon Business accelerates your journey with smart business buying. Get everything you need to grow in one familiar place. From office supplies to IT essentials and maintenance tools. Amazon Business takes the buying experience you know and love from Amazon Plus Tools to help you save costs and make insights based decisions ready to bring your visions to life. Learn [e-mail] it is Ryan here and.

[Tyler Perry]

I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like are you a fist pumper? A woohooer? A hand clapper? A high fiver? If you want to hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. Choose from hundreds of social casino style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly, plus free daily bonuses, so don't wait. Start having the most fun and [e-mail] no purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law. 21 plus terms and conditions apply.

[Aubrey O'Day]

You're great at protecting your own personal information. You probably even use things like two factor authentication, strong passwords and a vpn. But as much as you try to be in control of how your information is protected, there are lots of places that also have it and they might not be as careful as you are. That's why LifeLock monitors millions of data points every second for identity threats. If your identity is stolen, a LifeLock US based restoration specialist will help solve identity theft issues on your behalf, guaranteed or your money back. Plus, all LifeLock plans are backed by the million dollar protection package, meaning LifeLock will reimburse you up to the limits of your plan if you lose money due to identity theft. You might not be able to control how others handle your personal information, but you can help protect it with LifeLock. Save up to 40% your first year. Call 1-800-LIFELock and use promo code iheart or go to lifelock.com iheart for 40% off. Terms apply.

[Justin Richmond]

This is an iheart podcast.