E433 Tee Shirt Abs and Moving Fonts

Summary

Podcast Summary: And That's Why We Drink Episode: E433 Tee Shirt Abs and Moving Fonts
Release Date: May 25, 2025
Hosts: Christine Schiefer and Em Schulz

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Overview

In episode E433 of "And That's Why We Drink," hosts Christine Schiefer and Em Schulz delve into a blend of chilling ghost stories from Ybor City, Tampa, and the ever-entertaining realm of "Florida Man" antics. Balancing eerie narratives with humorous crime tales, the hosts engage listeners with their unique mix of true crime and paranormal discussions, all while enjoying their favorite beverages.

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Ybor City Ghost Stories

The episode kicks off with Christine and Em exploring the haunted locales of Ybor City, Tampa's historic district known for its rich cultural heritage and, as they reveal, a significant number of ghostly presences.

Cuban Club (Club Dead)

• Historical Background:
  Founded in 1902 as a social hub for Cuban immigrants, the Cuban Club, also known as Club Dead, has a storied past marked by tragedy and rebirth. After a fire in 1916, the club was rebuilt a year later and now serves as a venue for special events and banquets.

• Notable Deaths:

  • Jimmy, the Young Boy: An eight-year-old boy drowned in the club's pool, a tragic event that left lasting spirits. Christine humorously refers to him as "possibly Jimmy" ([13:27]).
  • Mysterious Woman: In the 1920s, a woman either fell or was pushed from an upper-floor balcony, resulting in her untimely death.
  • Actor's Suicide: An actor, overwhelmed by forgetting his lines, hanged himself on stage during a live performance ([15:17]).
  • Alberto Colby (El Fumador): The club president was fatally shot in a heated boardroom dispute, adding another layer to the club's haunted reputation ([16:02]).

• Ghostly Encounters:

  • El Fumador: Described by mediums as an intimidating presence who threatens those who approach him ([18:36]).
  • Carlita the Dancer: A 1920s-era dancer caught in an eternal affair with the local crime boss, she reveals her murder to mediums, asserting her crimes were avenged ([20:08]).
  • Jimmy's Spirit: A restless child spirit seen running around and playing tag, never settling ([20:54]).
  • Actor Vincent: Continues to rehearse his lines, unaware of his death, embodying the perpetual struggle of his unfinished performances ([21:19]).

Notable Quote:

Em ([18:36]): "So apparently when mediums have seen him, he tries to intimidate them. And one of them was even quoted saying, 'I was told to leave him alone or he would kill me.' Yawn. Like."

Don Vicente Hotel de Ybor

• Historical Background:
  Originally built in 1895, the Don Vicente Hotel has transitioned from a clinic known as El Bien Publico to the Gonzalez Clinic, and later to a boutique hotel in 1998. Throughout its history, it served as a critical medical facility during a tumultuous period marked by mafia activity in Tampa.

• Notable Deaths:

  • Dr. A and Jose: Dr. Avellano and his son Jose, who was expelled from the hospital and implicated in sinister activities involving a diploma mill and possible experimentation on animals ([30:04]).

• Ghostly Encounters:

  • Jose's Spirit: A shadowy figure unable to comprehend his death, seen moving mysteriously ([37:53]).
  • Shadow Figures and Apparitions: Visitors report seeing women in veils, shadowy figures on beds, and objects moving autonomously.
  • Sleep Paralysis Experiences: Individuals describe being pinned down by shadow figures and encountering apparitions emerging from walls ([40:28]).

Notable Quote:

Em ([36:36]): "Nobody takes me out. Nobody. But it's like someone did."

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Florida Man Stories

Transitioning from the paranormal, Christine and Em dive into the quirky and bizarre world of "Florida Man" stories, highlighting some of the most outrageous headlines that have made Florida infamous for its eccentric criminals.

Introduction to Florida Man Phenomenon

Christine explains the "Florida Man" meme, where bizarre and humorous crimes are attributed to anonymous male individuals from Florida. This trend is fueled by Florida's Sunshine Law, which ensures public access to government records, making such stories more accessible and frequent ([46:57]).

Notable Stories Discussed:

1. Michael Earhart vs. Jason Laughman ([50:12]-[52:17])

   • Incident: A minor dispute over a missing can of shrimp escalates into a violent confrontation where Laughman wields a samurai sword and steak knives.
   • Outcome: Earhart escapes unharmed by calling 911, preventing further chaos.

   Notable Quote:

   Em ([51:07]): "That's too much."

2. Amanda Volens and the $10,000 Heist ([52:50]-[55:56])

   • Incident: Three teenagers steal over $10,000 worth of high-end items from Amanda Volens' home, including Swarovski crystals and expensive furniture.
   • Outcome: Volens pursues them herself, providing real-time details to the police, leading to their arrest. However, the stolen goods remain unfound.

   Notable Quote:

   Christine ([55:18]): "That's too much."

3. Mark Lesher – The Half-Orangutan CIA Director ([56:01]-[63:07])

   • Incident: Mark Lesher, claiming to be half-orangutan and the director of the CIA, is arrested for attempting to obtain "monkey blood."
   • Outcome: Charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon after authorities find guns in his vehicle with no CIA connection.

   Notable Quote:

   Em ([56:55]): "It's like, this is too much information. It's making you look more suspicious."

4. Danny Leman Jelly and the Misused Bills ([60:27]-[62:05])

   • Incident: Jelly steals $150 in signed bills from the Siesta Key Oyster Bar and spends them on a sub, finding it amusingly odd that someone would use such bills to purchase food.
   • Outcome: Arrested at a local outlet store after evading capture.

   Notable Quote:

   Christine ([68:12]): "He then spent the bills on the first thing any self-respecting Florida man would do. A pub sub."

5. Additional Stories:

   • Concealed Weapons Class Gone Wrong: A deputy pawns stolen guns from a concealed weapons course, leading to arrest ([59:39]-[59:46]).
   • Jonathan Hinkle's Hooters Misadventure: Hinkle misuses a 911 call to seek a ride to Hooters, resulting in his arrest for false reporting ([66:44]-[67:00]).
   • Holiday Inn Breakfast Crusade: A man insists on eating breakfast at a hotel despite not having a reservation, claiming ownership of the USA before being asked to leave ([63:04]-[65:12]).
   • Gun in the Strip Club Bathroom: A man fires a gun in a bathroom at a strip club while attempting a selfie, leading to no injuries but a severe penalty ([67:34]-[68:12]).
   • Wine Cooler Theft: Matthew Jeanneau steals a wine cooler and torch from a garage, drinking the cooler on the spot ([68:39]-[69:10]).

Notable Quotes:

Christine ([67:18]): "I have a feeling he was trying to take a mirror selfie with a gun."
Em ([62:05]): "I'm just reporting the news. I'm just a reporter."

---

Conclusion

Episode E433 of "And That's Why We Drink" masterfully intertwines spine-chilling ghost stories with the absurdity of "Florida Man" crimes, showcasing Christine and Em's ability to navigate between the eerie and the humorous. Their engaging storytelling, punctuated with witty banter and relatable anecdotes, provides listeners with a captivating blend of true crime and paranormal mystery. Whether you're intrigued by haunted histories or amused by outrageous criminal tales, this episode delivers a compelling experience that underscores why, as the hosts aptly put it, "the world's a scary place. And that's why we drink!"

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Notable Moments and Quotes

• Em on the Cuban Club's Haunted Atmosphere ([16:02]):

  "Basically, the Cuban Club has been listed as one of the top 10 most haunted places in the United States. Shit. And we're proud of it."

• Christine on Mother’s Gator Heritage ([02:25]):

  "I have a very special place in my Harford, Florida. My mom's family all lives here, and I'm prepared for, like, 50% of you to boo me, but my mom is a gator."

• Em’s Humorous Take on Ghost Rules ([05:03]):

  "Here’s that. Just face your drink."

• Christine on the Actor’s Eternal Struggle ([21:22]):

  "For eternity."

• Em on the Half-Orangutan Incident ([56:55]):

  "It's like, this is too much information. It's making you look more suspicious."

• Christine's Reaction to Bizarre Florida Man Headlines ([47:21]-[48:51]):

  "Oh, what the fuck? Florida. Okay."

---

Note: This summary excludes promotional segments, advertisements, and non-content related sections, focusing solely on the core discussions of ghost stories and Florida Man anecdotes as presented by Christine and Em.

Transcript

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[Em]

Go to your happy price price line.

[Christine]

Hi, guys. Hello. Ooh, ooh, ooh. It's Tampa. Oh, my. There's a lot of people. Oh, my God.

[Em]

I love it when you clap that loud. It makes me so excited. Thank you. Thank you. I wanted to say. I said this yesterday, but I want to say it again that I have a very special place in my Harford, Florida. My mom's family all lives here, and I'm prepared for, like, 50% of you to boo me, but my mom is a gator.

[Christine]

There's the booze. Excuse me. I like to say I'm perfectly ambivalent, so everyone can be on my side.

[Em]

Anyway, my mom always talks about how much she loved Gainesville, so I know it's not Tampa, but.

[Christine]

Well, I don't have a Florida anecdote, but it's really hot here, and I like it.

[Em]

It's so hot, my hair just went, like, poof.

[Christine]

We have been into many or a couple souvenir shops, so those are their own. I feel like Florida souvenir shops are different from the rest of the entire world.

[Em]

We. We tried to find the, like, the very, like, douchey shirts that, like. Like, she was gonna have like, the. Like, the bikini body, and I was gonna have, like, the rippling abs, which, like, I already do, but, like, I wanted to, like, wear more of them for you, so.

[Christine]

Oh, God damn it.

[Em]

No comment. Okay, well, anyway, that being said, are you guys okay with the thought of maybe a drinking game?

[Christine]

I am. I'm already playing. I've been playing for a While we.

[Em]

Saw that whoever posted that picture on Twitter of the line of people drinking.

[Christine]

Yeah, what the fuck? We're proud. I'm proud.

[Em]

Quite a line.

[Christine]

What's that?

[Em]

Quite a line.

[Christine]

Quite a line. Yeah. I'm very proud.

[Em]

You guys are well prepared. I'm hoping. So the name of the game is to drink till we're funny.

[Christine]

So that requires a lot. So get ready.

[Em]

And everyone wins, which is fun about that, especially.

[Christine]

I win. But you guys can win too, I guess.

[Em]

So I made the rules. So basically, it's whenever Christine does anything, drink. But just to give you some clear lines, drink if Christine says listen.

[Christine]

That's very unlikely, so don't. Don't worry.

[Em]

And then also, drink of Christine gasps.

[Christine]

Also not gonna happen.

[Em]

So, like, by this point, you were, like, hammered already. Also, drink of Christine says, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure, sure.

[Christine]

Yeah, I have been known to do that one. But also drink if M says fun fact.

[Em]

And it's never a fun fact.

[Christine]

No, it's always a fact that makes.

[Em]

You a little sad that you had to hear it. Also, drink if we talk about the sweet baboo little baby Geo.

[Christine]

Ebb.

[Em]

Oh, he's so sweet. Oh, his little fuzzy, happy ears are listening. I can tell somewhere in the world they're ringing.

[Christine]

Also, drink if we tell Eva what to do.

[Em]

Oh, yeah.

[Christine]

Which we have done already 85 times today, so you should start drinking now. Here's that.

[Em]

Just face your drink.

[Christine]

Yeah, we're sorry.

[Em]

Also, bonus round. Drink if I go. Honestly, it's just fucking funny.

[Christine]

Oh, my God. I honestly hate this. Honestly, I hate that so fucking much.

[Em]

Honestly, I fucking hate when you do that. All right, so those are some ground rules, but really, just. Yeah, just don't stop drinking.

[Christine]

We like to make them up as we go. So.

[Em]

That being said, I thought you were starting your opera, Eva. Edit that out. I was harmonizing with myself. That's what was happening. Let's crack into it.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Em]

Okay.

[Eva]

I have been awake for, like, maybe an hour, and already I have stubbed my toe. I brushed my teeth a little too hard and hit the back of my throat. Yikes. What else happened? Happened today? Oh. I tried to have a piece of candy, and the entire bag, when I opened, it was just full of all the flavor I don't like. And on top of that, my phone didn't charge last night. So I've got a lot of things going on today. There's a litany of things that we shouldn't get angry about, but let's be honest, sometimes it's hard not to be. It's. It's easy to get angry at things, but don't get angry about hitting the back of your throat with a toothbrush. Don't get angry about your candy being all the bad flavors. Don't get angry about your phone not being charged and your stubbed toe. Instead, you get an angry Orchard and feel good, feel chill and refreshed. Not getting pissed off, just having a tasty orchard. Angry Orchard is the number one hard cider in the country. It's naturally refreshing, delicious and has just the right amount of sweetness that makes it the perfect drink when you're looking for something a little different. Angry Orchard has a bright, crisp apple flavor just like biting into a fresh apple. It is a perfect balance of sweetness and bright acidity from culinary apples and dryness of traditional cider making apples, resulting in a complex yet refreshing hard cider. I know Christine drinks this all the time. If she were here to give you a very detailed synopsis of every sip, she would. But lucky for you, I'm here to tell you this podcast is sponsored by the crisp, refreshing Angry Orchard. Grab an Angry Orchard today. Don't get angry. Get Orchard. Please drink responsibly. Calling all readers. You might be craving yourself a book. That's that seems to be what readers do. And in the event that you are, whether it's romance, whether it's supernatural, whether it's suspense, whatever it is, you can get all that through Audible. Audible delivers thrills of every kind on your command. Electrifying suspense, daring quests, spine tingling horror romance in far off realms. You name it, they got it. Including our book Hana Roan Atlas and its sequel. So maybe go check that out while you're at it. Also, there are books out there from Zach Bagans at Chip Coffee. So truly Christine's on Audible. That's the way we could put that. Whether it's heart pounding suspense like the Audible original, Mad Love, a fantasy romance adventure like Onyx Storm, or a listen with the lights on epic like Stephen King's latest Never Flinch. Audible has you covered. Start listening here and discover what's beyond the edge of your seat. New members can try audible now for 30 days free and dive into a world of new thrills. Visit audible.com drink or text DRINK to 500. 500. That's audible.com drink or text drink to 500. 500.

[Christine]

I'm ready.

[Em]

Good. Well, you were going to be forced to listen to this if you weren't.

[Christine]

So I'm used to it.

[Em]

So you guys Have a lot of ghosts, huh? This was tricky to find something because every. There was a lot of ghosts. So.

[Christine]

Usually you have the opposite problem.

[Em]

You're right. Usually I'm like, behind the scenes, I'm like, christine, what am I gonna do? And here I was like, christine, it's not a problem. So I chose to. Oh, that's a little ant.

[Christine]

What? Florida. What the fuck? I was like, did you just kill it?

[Em]

I. What? What?

[Christine]

Did you just kill it?

[Em]

No, I picked him up and just.

[Christine]

What the fuck?

[Em]

He took a tumble.

[Eva]

He.

[Christine]

I am not above having a fight with you on stage.

[Em]

I know you like to, like, save things and like nats.

[Christine]

Sorry. I don't like to fucking murder things.

[Em]

No. For I. For the record. Oh, also drink if I cough because I currently have some weird cough going on.

[Christine]

So that was really fun during my story when Em said, drink if I cough and then coughed every 30 seconds.

[Em]

Orlando got hammered, so. But no. So I saw the font moving and I was like, I only.

[Eva]

What did I take?

[Em]

I was like, so confused. It was just a little ant. Okay.

[Christine]

What the fuck?

[Em]

Sorry. Whatever. These are the things that we usually edit out. Okay, so I picked a town that I think you guys will like. I know I'm supposed to pick Tampa, but I picked next door to Tampa. Ybor City.

[Christine]

I have no idea what that is.

[Em]

Did I say that right?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Em]

Okay.

[Christine]

Oh, they would have told you. Don't worry, you guys.

[Em]

Okay, first of all, all of you, collectively, when you said, yeah, it sounded like how I imagine Steve thought that I sounded on the other side of Blue's Clues when I was really excited. Oh, I was like, are you having fun? And like five year old me was.

[Christine]

Like, yeah, well, you're right. Because then we thought. Well, at least I thought. I don't know what you thought, but I thought all the other kids watching TV were also screaming so you could hear everybody.

[Em]

You guys just sounded like what I always thought he heard. And like, it felt so good.

[Christine]

Let me just say starting working at Nickelodeon was a big disappointment because a lot of my dreams were shattered anyway. Not really, guys.

[Em]

Anyway, thank you guys for the enthusiasm. Made me feel really good about myself. So.

[Christine]

You haven't even started. This is already the second time I've filled this up, so hurry up.

[Em]

So I'm doing two different stories in Ybor City.

[Christine]

Cool.

[Em]

I did the two that seem to have, I guess, the most information. I did get a lot of my. One of out of the two one of them. I got a lot of information from dead files. Which is always nice.

[Christine]

Oh yeah.

[Em]

So I'm doing. Should I tell you both? I'm going to tell you one first and then. And then tease you with the second one. So the first one is the Cuban Club.

[Christine]

That sounds cool.

[Em]

So we know what that is. If we don't. You clapped anyway. So. Good. So the Cuban Club. Apparently ghost hunters have nicknamed it Club Dead. I don't know if that's tasteful or not, but okay. Also Travel Channel has listed it as one of the top 10 most haunted places in the United States. Shit. And we're proud of it. So it was founded in 1902 as a social space for the Cuban national club for Cuban immigrants. And it was called the Cuban Club specifically was called Circulo Cubano. Cubano. I don't speak Spanish.

[Christine]

You don't what?

[Em]

Sorry.

[Christine]

Really? You don't?

[Em]

It means Cuban circle. All right, That I can say. It burned down in 1916, but was rebuilt a year later. And nowadays it's used for special events and banquets. So let's talk about death.

[Christine]

Let's do it.

[Em]

So when they're so in the building, there used to be like a bowling alley and a gym and a pool and all these fun things. When there used to be a pool in the building, an eight year old boy drowned.

[Christine]

I don't like that.

[Em]

They say his name was probably Jimmy. They call him. Okay.

[Christine]

And Jimmy, is that you? Oh my God.

[Em]

And he's here tonight, but apparently they at least call him Jimmy. So Jimmy died.

[Christine]

Oh dear.

[Em]

Another death. There was a woman who either fell or jumped out of a upper floor balcony and I guess not out. Off. Off the balcony and died on impact in the 1920s. Oh, this gets fucked up. Okay.

[Christine]

Em's like make sure to banter. Nope, I'm gonna be quiet. You keep talking.

[Em]

I did say please banter with me because I don't know if this information's interesting, but it's.

[Christine]

It's interesting, but I'm not gonna joke about it.

[Em]

It's carrying itself.

[Christine]

Carries itself.

[Em]

Yes, I'll try not to upstage you. I'll let you have some. Some seconds to react.

[Christine]

Thanks.

[Em]

In the 1920s. No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding.

[Christine]

The roaring 19. I don't know.

[Em]

In the night, in the 1920s. An actor. Because there's also a theater in this building.

[Christine]

Got it.

[Em]

An actor died by suicide.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Em]

Because he says he forgot his lines.

[Christine]

What?

[Em]

So he died by suicide by hanging himself.

[Christine]

Oh, no.

[Em]

On the stage, mid production.

[Christine]

What the fuck?

[Em]

Like in front of a live audience.

[Christine]

What the fuck? Nope.

[Em]

No, is exactly.

[Christine]

Oh, I don't like that.

[Em]

I'll give you something. Something else to comment on, Christine.

[Christine]

Thank you.

[Em]

So there was in the middle of. In the middle of a heated debate between board directors of this Cuban club. One board member got so heated that he took a gun out and he shot the club president. Point Blake in the face.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Em]

And the president's name was. This is just a fun fact. The president's name was Alberto Colby.

[Christine]

We talked about Colby last night.

[Em]

I know you guys don't get it yet. Hang on. You're about to be in on the joke.

[Christine]

You wouldn't understand.

[Em]

So yesterday, this was, like, not planned. But yesterday in Orlando, one of the guys I talked about, his last name was Colby. And Colby was the name of my boyfriend in fifth grade. Lol.

[Christine]

Yes, you heard that right.

[Em]

But yeah. So Colby's. His ears are also ringing, apparently.

[Christine]

I don't know what this means. Is this a sign?

[Em]

Well, apparently the president. So his name was Alberto Colby, but he was also known as El Fumador.

[Christine]

Oh, my.

[Em]

Which means the smoke.

[Christine]

That's kind of cool.

[Em]

Fun fact to you on that.

[Christine]

God damn it.

[Em]

So that's all the deaths. One, two, three, four.

[Christine]

Four.

[Em]

Okay, so four that we know of. But here are all the ghosts.

[Christine]

Yay.

[Em]

Okay, so there's a woman in a white dress and red heels, and she's seen in the halls pacing the marble floors.

[Christine]

Are you okay?

[Em]

Was that positive or negative?

[Christine]

It sounded like someone's in pain.

[Em]

People hear a woman crying, and they also hear piano music playing by itself. In the middle of the night. Elevators apparently run by themselves. So, like, the buttons will light themselves up and the doors will open on their own. Doors throughout the building will get pushed open onto people. So if you're standing by a door, something will just shove the door on you.

[Christine]

That's kind of fun.

[Em]

The theater is the most haunted space in the building. So a lot of people will take pictures in there. And they've gotten pictures of orbs. And people have seen apparitions sitting in the seats in period clothing.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Em]

People have also seen shadow figures sitting in the chairs in the audience.

[Christine]

Just checking.

[Em]

And people hear footsteps and singing on stage when the space is empty. One employee said, quote, I set two chairs up with space between them, and I went about my business and happened to glance back at the chairs in passing, and they had moved closer together, and the chair on the right was rocking by itself.

[Christine]

Creepy.

[Em]

So a couple mediums have been to the Cuban Club, and they have Seen El Fumador himself.

[Christine]

I'm sorry, I meant I forgot I had a microphone.

[Em]

Wait, what?

[Christine]

I did that. And I forgot there was a microphone, like, broadcasting that to everyone.

[Em]

So I'm sorry you forgot to guffaw in silence.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Em]

So apparently when mediums have seen him, he tries to intimidate them. And one of them was even quoted saying, one of the mediums was quoted saying, I was told to leave him alone or he would kill me. Yawn. Like.

[Christine]

What?

[Em]

Okay, brave.

[Christine]

No, like, we get it.

[Em]

She yawned. All right.

[Christine]

It's very boring, I guess.

[Em]

Apparently he will repeatedly scream at the mediums. Nobody takes me out. Nobody. But it's like someone did.

[Christine]

It's a little late. Yeah, I mean, oops. I.

[Em]

Like, it's like, you're wrong.

[Christine]

Yawn.

[Em]

Yaw.

[Christine]

Stupid.

[Em]

A medium also saw a 1920s era dancer named Carlita who. So she was apparently the woman who was either pushed or jumped. Pushed off the balcony. Jumped out off the balcony. And apparently she told the medium that she was definitely pushed. She did not jump.

[Christine]

Oh, shit.

[Em]

And she was having an affair with the local crime boss.

[Christine]

Oh no.

[Em]

And, oh no. He was on her side, apparently. So she was sleeping with the local crime boss. And when she ended up getting pushed by someone down to her death, she made sure to tell the medium that she was happy to announce that her murderer did not live past a week after her death because the crime boss killed the guy that killed her.

[Christine]

Wait, so she reported this to the medium?

[Em]

Yeah, she told the medium that her murderer got murdered by her flame.

[Christine]

What? A new. What? A breaking news story in the afterlife.

[Em]

Apparently the medium has also seen the little boy. Apparently he doesn't like to sit still. He runs around nonstop like he's playing tag with someone. And she's also seen the actor who died by suicide. Apparently he was not interested in finding out that he was dead.

[Christine]

I mean, I guess why would you be?

[Em]

Yeah, he apparently is still trying to go over his lines.

[Christine]

Oh, God. For eternity.

[Em]

Yeah. And then the medium was like, you don't have to do that anymore. And he was like, please, I'm busy.

[Christine]

So fucked up.

[Em]

Yeah. So one person. So one person. This was a quote. Hang on, I have to cough. Everyone drink. Sorry. I felt it coming. It was. I needed to own it. Okay, so this was a quote from a person who had an experience in one of the bathrooms. So.

[Christine]

Not that kind of experience.

[Em]

Whatever you're thinking, oh, things have already happened in there. What else could happen? Okay, so quote, and it's a long one. So Bear with me. I was putting on some makeup when I felt this tightening sensation in my throat.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Em]

I fished out some pills out of my purse because I thought, is this me?

[Christine]

What the fuck? I fished some pills out of my throat or my.

[Em]

Out of my.

[Christine]

I'm sorry.

[Em]

Hey. I didn't even finish the sentence.

[Christine]

I'm sorry. It's just an absurd sentence, but.

[Em]

Okay, I know, I know.

[Christine]

Eva, just erase that, please.

[Em]

Eva. Just clear their memories. They didn't hear that. Oh, yeah. I fished some pills out of my purse, thinking I just had allergies. Oh, there we go.

[Christine]

Okay. But you don't really say, I fished pills out of my place.

[Em]

I know, I know.

[Christine]

That sounds like they're, like, loose in there and you're just, like, popping them.

[Em]

I know what to do. Okay. But as I continued to do my makeup, the feelings got steadily worse. Within moments, I couldn't breathe, but I had no idea what was wrong. I remember staring at my own panicked face in the mirror when I started to feel a strange pressure on the outside of my throat as well as the inside.

[Christine]

Oh, God.

[Em]

I leaned into my reflection and lifted up my chin to look. And I know it sounds crazy, but I could feel hands clasping my throat. Part of me was so scared. Part, I felt as if I couldn't move. But that instinctual urge to survive propelled me out of the bathroom looking for someone, anyone who could help me.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Em]

The first person I found was an employee. And when he saw the phantom hands on my throat, he saw them, by the way. He yelled, let go of her, little boy. You're gonna kill her.

[Christine]

What?

[Em]

I don't know.

[Christine]

Was that Jimmy?

[Em]

Maybe Jimmy. I don't know. He had a bad day, clearly. And then she says, instantly the pressure was gone, and I could finally breathe again. It was probably the worst possible way I could be welcomed to Tampa. Why is she gonna drag Tampa like that?

[Christine]

I say again, what the fuck? Florida?

[Em]

Anyway, that's the. That's the whole. That's the whole quote. But I don't. There's a lot of questions. I was. I left with more questions.

[Christine]

Well, yes, agreed.

[Em]

So he could see little boy hands grabbing her throat.

[Christine]

This was very normal to him, apparently.

[Em]

Yeah. And he was like, ah, just let her go. Okay.

[Christine]

Anyway, this is weird.

[Em]

I have one more quote, slash. I mean, it's as lengthy as that. It's another long quote, but I had to read it, so you have to hear it, because that's how this works. It was. I think. I don't know if this is real. It sounds like a dad was trying to make a joke, okay?

[Christine]

Now I really want to hear it.

[Em]

So whether or not it's true, I want you to know I found this whole thing. I pretty much copy and pasted this, so I don't want to take credit for it. I found it on Backpackerverse, so if you guys want to go find it for yourself, it is real. This is a whole quote. This is talking about the actor who died by suicide. And apparently the guy who is saying all this stuff, he is explaining how he has seen the apparition of the actor. So he's telling this to someone else, okay? He says the actor's name is supposedly Vincent. He could speak English and Spanish fluently. I believe the stories because I've met the puto. His words, not mine. Last year, we're there at the theater, I'm assuming, and I dug out to go to the bathroom for a minute. I was actually going to gargle one of those little Travel Scope bottles because I thought I was gonna get lucky that night.

[Christine]

What the fuck?

[Em]

But I no more than got in the bathroom than this actor just appears in the mirror, then walks right out of it and into the bathroom. I'm standing there with my heart trying to exit my chest, and this guy starts giving me his whole story, first in English and then Spanish, and then a mix of both on and on about how he tried to be a great actor, but failed and ended up working in this crazy place. He got right in my face, and I could smell his breath. It smelled like a thousand dead things. And he rancid and raved, what the fuck? So then apparently, whoever he's talking to said, what did you do? And then the end of the story is, the guy says, I gave him the bottle of Scope.

[Christine]

I get it now.

[Em]

And I was like, is that. Did it. So did it happen, or is this just, like, a joke?

[Christine]

That was the punchline he was building up to the whole time.

[Em]

That was, like, the ultra boom. So anyway, that is the Cuban Club. So story one.

[Christine]

That was good. That was fun.

[Em]

Thank you. Okay, so now story two is the Don Vicente Hotel de Ybor. I don't know it.

[Christine]

Six people have heard about it. So you're fine. Okay.

[Em]

Okay. We're good. We're good. We're good. I didn't know where that was going to go. Okay, so, yes. So it's also known as the Don Vicente Inn. I don't know if that sounds more.

[Christine]

No fewer people. Just go with the first one.

[Em]

We're going to. We're going to roll past it. So it was built in 1895, and by 1900, it was a clinic called the El Bien Publico, aka the Good Public. It became the Gonzalez Clinic until 1980 and was vacant until 1998 and reopened as a boutique hotel. And so that's literally all of the history that we care about.

[Christine]

That's fun. We're just jumping right into it.

[Em]

I know some people when we do live shows, like, half of it is history. I'm, like, really steamrolling it for you guys. Hang on.

[Christine]

Drink.

[Em]

Thank you. Okay, so basically, all you need to know is it was a hospital. That's the history. Okay. I'm sure the people who work there as tour guides or something are pissed that, like, that's all I told you. But for the sake of the ghosts, all you really need to know is this is a hospital. Also, while it was a hospital, upwards of 2,000 people probably died there.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's okay. That's a lot.

[Em]

It's a lot. And then also, at the time that it was a hospital in, like, the early 1900s. So right when. Oh, right when it started was it was also the era of Blood.

[Christine]

What?

[Em]

No. Okay. Apparently this was the time when mafia factions in the area were fighting for control of the Tampa underground. So basically, it was like the South's version of the Wild West.

[Christine]

Oh, got it.

[Em]

Because there was like.

[Christine]

But it has a cooler name.

[Em]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Blood Era.

[Em]

The Era of Blood.

[Christine]

Era of Blood.

[Em]

So it was like every. All the mafia people were fighting. There was brothels and gambling and. Right, just casual.

[Christine]

No comment.

[Em]

Like, also, like, money laundering and racketeering, and then there was, like, some really gruesome violence, like execution, killing.

[Christine]

Oh, okay.

[Em]

Yeah. So it. It goes from, like, fun to not fun really fast.

[Christine]

Sure.

[Em]

So in the middle of all this activity, this happened to be the closest hospital to where all that activity was happening.

[Christine]

Got.

[Em]

Oh, got it. Got it. All the people who died were potentially affiliated with those sorts of things.

[Christine]

Right.

[Em]

When it was a hospital, one of the people who operated the hospital was. I'm gonna mess up the name. Dr. Avellano. Sure, just say the first letter. Dr. A. Dr. A. And so he operated the hospital, and he had a son that also worked there named Jose. So Jose got kicked out of working there, and he moved across the street, and he happened to then live in a brothel. He just rented out one of the rooms there.

[Christine]

All right.

[Em]

And Jose, if you haven't, like, noticed, like, maybe not such a good guy.

[Christine]

So because he got Kicked out of working.

[Em]

He has a checkered past, so.

[Christine]

Okay. All right.

[Em]

Yeah. So he runs a diploma mill.

[Christine]

So that's, like, the last thing I expect out of the Wild west of this. Right, Like a diploma mill.

[Em]

Right.

[Christine]

It sounds like a very.

[Em]

What do you want to be certified?

[Christine]

Like an Ivy League level scandal.

[Em]

Right. Well, so he, like, his whole thing was he would sell fake certificates to you so you could be licensed in whatever you want, and that to this day, they don't know if he actually really worked in the hospital.

[Christine]

Oh, oh, right.

[Em]

Because, like, he had certifications.

[Christine]

Oh, shit.

[Em]

But they think he just made up his own licenses.

[Christine]

Oh, God. Okay.

[Em]

He also, like, was, like, he had a license to be a lawyer and to be, like, a priest. Like, anything that he wanted, he could do, like, a clown license. I don't know.

[Christine]

I guess you got. I guess you got one of those for my wedding too. Yeah. So.

[Em]

So he. Where am I?

[Christine]

Oh, it's not the clown, by the way. The one for my wedding was not the clown. That was the first one. Just to clarify, anyone who's new.

[Em]

So nobody actually knows what he had actual licenses in, but he. I mean, he could make whatever he wanted. So one thing he did forge was he actually had himself decorated as, like, Legion of Honor, a lieutenant colonel.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Em]

Like, he even dressed the part and demanded. Everyone called him General.

[Christine]

And this guy.

[Em]

And if you didn't. If you didn't call him General, he wouldn't respond to you.

[Christine]

So I'm gonna write that down for Eva. Write that down for later. That's fun.

[Em]

So the General, he was obsessed with death.

[Christine]

Oh, fuck.

[Em]

And he even petitioned medical boards to let him experiment on cats. No.

[Christine]

Why? Why would you say that? The fuck.

[Em]

In a really fucked up way, he thought he was being helpful because he believed that he was the only person who knew how to bring animals back to life, and so he thought that he needed to practice.

[Christine]

What an asshole.

[Em]

So allegedly, he impersonated a doctor and told the working girls at his brothel that he lived at to come up to his room. And since he was pretending to be a doctor, he, like, had some medical reason for them to be there. And since medical boards would say, like, no, you can't practice on cats, apparently he may or may not have practiced on them.

[Christine]

No, it's always live shows where your stories are more fucked up than mine. Like, I try to, like, tone it down, but then you just do that.

[Em]

Yep.

[Christine]

Yikes.

[Em]

So since his dad worked in the hospital and he used to work there, he knew where the incinerator was.

[Christine]

Oh, my God.

[Em]

And he also knew about the underground tunnels between the brothel and the hospital.

[Christine]

So what? First of all.

[Em]

Oh, yeah, there's underground tunnels, apparently.

[Christine]

Jesus.

[Em]

Let's throw that curve ball in. So we knew that there were tunnels between the brothel and the hospital. So rumor has it that there may or may not have been a nurse that helped him, but he would drag. If he really did do this, he dragged the bodies from the hospital, from the brothel to the hospital at night, and he would destroy the bodies in the incinerator and then walk away like nothing ever happened.

[Christine]

Great.

[Em]

It may not be true. I didn't see any confirmed reports about this, but they pretty much expect that it's him. And a lot of women at this brothel did happen to go missing out of nowhere when he lived there. So two and two.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Em]

There's also a rumor that he ended up going through with experimenting on cats anyway.

[Christine]

Okay, well, I thought we moved past that, but I guess we can talk about it again.

[Em]

And he also kept a bunch of books he wrote involving a lot of weird medical procedures. He also wrote a suicide letter, Although he never actually planned to die by suicide. He just wrote, like, a manifesto as if it was going to happen. And in it, he wrote that he had slept with over 500 women and none of them ever satisfied him.

[Christine]

We're sorry, General. I'm, like, sweating. I'm so angry.

[Em]

So all of those were just fun facts?

[Christine]

Apparently they were super fun.

[Em]

So on Dead Files.

[Eva]

They.

[Em]

So you guys, do you remember seeing Dead Files? Do you remember watching that show?

[Christine]

I mean, so it's like, probably not talking to you.

[Em]

Half a cop, half a medium. And then they try to figure it out together.

[Christine]

It's my favorite.

[Em]

Good. So you know all about it. So the owners of the building admit that they wouldn't be surprised if they found out there were bodies in the basement. That's just, like, how haunted it is. Apparently, there is a medium. Oh, one of the. The medium saw several bodies in the bathtub and laying in front of room 305, which happens to be the most haunted room in the hotel. She sensed the smell of gas. She saw broken bones, and she saw crushed faces, and she saw bodies in the walls.

[Christine]

Oh, God.

[Em]

Apparently, the bodies were trying to talk to her through the walls, and she couldn't hear them because she couldn't get into the wall. So.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Em]

She said many of them are confused and don't know how they got there. And she said that she saw one man who stood there and Repeatedly screamed, fire.

[Christine]

Oh, God.

[Em]

And apparently she didn't say this, but from what I was researching, I'm kind of guessing that if she saw that, it's because apparently in 1908, Tampa had its biggest fire in the area, and it took over that entire city. And fun fact, apparently in the area, there's a wives tale where if you smell burning smoke, it's like an omen that something bad's about to happen. Because after that fire.

[Christine]

Interesting. I'm with you. Well, you know, I wasn't gonna say.

[Em]

It, but, like, you can smell smoke from that fire. Yeah, no, whatever. We're gonna move on. Okay, so the medium also saw a man in a very nice suit with a clean cut face and slicked back hair. And she had a sketch of the man done to show what she had seen, and it very much matched up with a picture of Jose.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Em]

So over the years, psychics have sensed over 20 spirits in the basement, including Jose's spirit. And apparently he doesn't understand how he's dead. He doesn't really care that everyone else is dead, but he doesn't understand how he is. And people have seen lights go on by themselves. They smelt pine cleaner. I don't know what that means.

[Christine]

I don't either.

[Em]

I'm just reporting the news. I'm just a reporter. Guys, Faucets will turn on and off by themselves. There are unexplained footsteps. People hear a little boy playing and laughing. Many have seen a short Spanish woman in the basement. And also by the bathroom, staring at you. It's a firm pass.

[Christine]

Cool.

[Em]

People have also seen that woman wearing a veil.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Em]

Behind you in the mirror.

[Christine]

Oh, oh, oh, oh.

[Em]

Also a firm pass.

[Christine]

All these bathroom experiences, I don't like any of them.

[Em]

Apparently the owner and his daughter have both seen her multiple times. And the daughter said, you can see right through her. She has no color. So people have also seen a shadow figure sitting on the edge of their bed. Fun.

[Christine]

That's foul.

[Em]

And objects get moved all the time. Including in the show Ghost Hunters, when one of the cameras turned itself around. Ghost Hunters, not Ghost Adventures.

[Christine]

Okay, I blacked out after the first word.

[Em]

So including in Ghost Hunters, when one of the cameras turned itself around. So there they were recording an empty room, and the camera, like, turns itself almost a full 360 degrees around and stays on the tripod. So it's not like it just, like, fell. It totally spun around.

[Christine]

Was there, like, a wall behind it, so it, like, turn. Okay.

[Em]

Creepy. So they also picked up a name in an EVP session where they asked, what's your name? And they got the name Juan.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Em]

And then I don't know where this is from. I read this in an article, but I thought it was very funny that there was an EVP session where someone said, how old are you? And they got the response, dead.

[Christine]

At least somebody gets what's going on.

[Em]

Like, so fucking old, man.

[Christine]

I stopped counting. Holy shit, that's good.

[Em]

And then apparently, people who have been in this hotel have also experienced sleep paralysis.

[Christine]

Yay.

[Em]

One person, There's a quote of her saying, a shadow figure was overtop me, and I was pinned to the bed, scared to death and unable to move. The form evaporated and I sat upright. The next morning when my mom woke up, I asked how she slept. She said, good, except she had this crazy nightmare in which a boy came out of the wall. From under the tv.

[Christine]

No. Oh. From under the tv. Oh. Oh. Oh, no.

[Em]

And then other people started coming out of the wall too.

[Christine]

Oh, God.

[Em]

And they were all mad that we were there.

[Christine]

I like how I like it. They're like, the daughter's like, how'd you sleep? She's like, oh, just fine. Except this one little thing, it's like, what the fuck? Are you serious?

[Em]

Oh, I slept good. I slept good. Yeah, it was usual.

[Christine]

This goofy little thing happened.

[Em]

Can't complain. Anyway, so that are the two big ghost places in Ybor City.

[Christine]

Yay. Those got me good.

[Em]

Oh, my.

[Christine]

I'm waiting for the boos. Like when you said gators earlier.

[Em]

I know. It's okay.

[Christine]

No one's booing you. That's good.

[Em]

Thank you. Also, intermission while I grab a halls hashtag add. No, I'm just kidding.

[Christine]

On the way to the venue, I just not so subtly said, oh, they probably saw cough drops at this gas station. Why don't we stop?

[Em]

Well, because yesterday during the live show, I didn't have cough drops and I just coughed my entire way through Christine's story. So I'm saving you guys is what's happening. So excuse me.

[Christine]

You're saving me? Everyone had a great time. They were drinking while you coughed.

[Em]

That's true.

[Christine]

I just was sitting here.

[Em]

Yes, guys, I got the yellow color. That's the best one. Okay, moving on. Sorry.

[Christine]

Gross.

[Eva]

Sometimes when it comes to being on my phone and maybe doing a little online shopping or joining memberships, I am just subscribing to things, and then I think I'll worry about it later. And then all of a sudden, I just have email after email from subscriptions that I'm apparently paying for. And I totally don't even remember subscribing to them to begin with because I was in the moment or it was midnight and I was doom scrolling. Ah, but luckily we have Rocket Money. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It monitors your spending. It helps lower your bills so you can grow your savings. It has been truly a godsend. It easily creates a personalized budget with custom categories for you. You can get alerts if bills increase in price. I mean, it really is a dream. And Christine, if she were here, she would tell you that her favorite part is that they will negotiate the lower bills for you. They automatically scan your bills to find opportunities to save, and then you can ask them to negotiate it for you so you don't even have to do it. Rocket Money has over 5 million users and has saved a total of $500 million in canceled subscriptions, saving members up to $740 a year when using all of the app's premium features. So cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster with Rocket Money. Go to RocketMoney.com Drink today. That's RocketMoney.com Drink RocketMoney.com Drink oh my goodness, everybody, I am scared. We just got our first heat advisory notice for Burbank and I got a dog. Now I have to take to the dog park every day and walk miles with every day. I have to be in the sun. And as a vampire, I gotta change some things around. First thing I'm doing, though, is I'm switching up my clothing. So that way when I'm outside, it's all easy breezy. Everything's linen, everything's cool and like summer friendly and. And you know how I'm doing that quint. Com. Their prices are easy, elevated, and somehow I actually do feel more put together. I feel like I'm like one of those summer babes with my little dog on a walk every day. The best part about Quint is that everything with Quint, you would think if I'm going to swank ify my style, I'm going to be swankifying my prices incorrect. Quince is priced 50 to 80% less than what you'd find at similar brands. And Quint only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finishes. So if you got to follow my lead, do it over here. Treat your closet to a little summer globe with quint2 and go to quint.com drink for free. Shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C.com drink to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quint.com drink.

[Christine]

All right. Hey, Tampa. Hold on. Let me pull my pants down. Not all the way.

[Em]

Okay?

[Christine]

Not all the way. It's a thing where I'm sitting on this seat, and I feel like I'm gonna get up and, like, it's gonna rip all my skin off. So you know how it is. Okay, this is gonna get weird, and I don't know how this is gonna go, but I asked Eva, and she's like, I think you should do it. So if it goes poorly, blame her.

[Em]

I'm also really excited because I don't know the story either, but Christine, this whole time has been like, this is a doozy. This one's a doozy.

[Christine]

It is a doozy. So it is indeed a doozy. This is the first time I've ever done something like this. Okay, so you know how Em said, wow, you guys have a lot of ghosts. Well, you also have a lot of crazy criminals, so.

[Em]

They're so proud of it. They're so proud of it.

[Christine]

I mean, I own it.

[Em]

It's. Own it Florida.

[Christine]

Yeah. To be honest, like, I think that's really awesome. You might as well embrace it, right? So there's this little thing called Florida. And yesterday I read a couple headlines, but then for today, I was like, I'm just gonna do the whole fucking story on some of these. Some of these Florida people.

[Em]

So.

[Christine]

Let'S see what happens. Okay, guys, here it goes. So I'm gonna start. So for anyone who doesn't know what Florida man is, I described this to you last night, but basically, it's like. I don't know if it started as a subreddit or Twitter, but it was basically a meme where people post any sort of bizarre crime that mentions, like, Florida man instead of the person's name. So, like, oh, Florida man arrested after yada, yada, yada.

[Em]

Right.

[Christine]

And so I'm starting with a little. A little a list of a couple headlines to kind of whet the appetite. And then we're going to just dive in to some stories. So. So I'm going to read a couple headlines. Okay, let's start, shall we? Oh, God, I hope nobody from, like, the opera production is anywhere near here, because they're going to really hate that we're defiling their set. Okay, Number one, Florida man in prison allowed to sit in guard station and order Chinese, takeout after giving guards advice on their taxes.

[Em]

That sounds right.

[Christine]

Oh, what the fuck? Florida. Okay. Florida woman's toddler pulls loaded gun from toy box during police welfare check.

[Em]

Uh oh.

[Christine]

And this is the third headline, third and final for now. Florida man armed with a live alligator.

[Em]

Go on.

[Christine]

Florida man armed with a live alligator chases people all over convenience stores screaming, y' all ain't out of beer, are ya?

[Em]

Brady.

[Christine]

What? Y' all ain't out of beer, are ya? So I had a really good time with those. So I just was like, you know what, Tampa, we're just gonna go for it and just. I'm gonna do more. All right, so let's see what happens. Okay, so I want to give a special thanks to mental floss, thrillist, rollingstonemike.com and of course, all the lovely local news stations throughout the the state of Florida that had to report on these stories so that I could do this story for you. Okay. I also want to start by saying that the reason we have access to these stories is partially due to Florida's Sunshine Law, which Eva was smart enough to say. Oh, why don't you discuss that? Because she's very smart. So I'm going to. And by that I mean I'm going to just read the line that I copied off Wikipedia. Okay. Basically, the Sunshine Law, first enacted in 1995, is a series of laws designed to guarantee that the public has access to the public record of governmental bodies in Florida. So. So good job, Florida. So essentially, Florida's records are extremely accessible, which is part of the reason that a lot of stories come from down here. I said part of the reason. I can't explain the rest. Okay, so ready for story number one?

[Em]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Okay. Michael Earhart of Deltona, Florida, walked into the kitchen. Yay. I never know if people are going to get excited. There's a lot of cities in here, so we'll see. Michael Earhart of Deltona, Florida, walked into the kitchen one morning and discovered that a can of shrimp was missing. Red flag number one. I'm sorry? A can of shrimp. Discovered that a can of shrimp was missing from the cupboard. Annoyed, he confronted his 34 year old stepson, Jason Laughman, about the missing shrimp. The argument grew heated, so Laughman and Earhart decided to take it outside. On the back patio, Laughman, who's the stepson, smashed a lawn ornament. And that's when Earhart realized that things were going too far.

[Em]

That's too much.

[Christine]

I. But I love that he's the one who started it. Too. Like, he's the one who's like, who.

[Em]

Took my go, not the lawn gnome.

[Christine]

Whoa. Oh, that's fun. I pictured it as a flamingo, but I guess.

[Em]

No, I was thinking, like, Travelocity Gnome.

[Christine]

Yeah, that's good, too. Yeah, right. So he realized things were getting too heated, so he locked himself in the bedroom to let things cool down. But Laughman, the stepson, was apparently not ready to let things go. So he grabbed his samurai sword and began to hack through the bedroom door. Kind of like the Shining. He began to hack through the bedroom door like the Shining, kind of.

[Em]

Okay.

[Christine]

He actually managed to break through, and he took the sword, charged at his stepdad, and threatened to cut him with it. Then he changed his mind, retreated to the kitchen, and grabbed some steak knives out of the drawer. He returned to the bedroom and began throwing the knives at his stepdad.

[Em]

Like darts?

[Christine]

Yeah, kind of like knife throwing. Yeah. Not good. Fortunately, Earhart managed to escape through the sliding glass doors, and the steak knives kind of missed him, I guess. I don't know. He probably wasn't a very good shot. But he managed to escape. Didn't get cut by anything, the sword, nor the steak knives. He managed to get out, call 911, and then the police came and intervened before anything went further. And that is story number one.

[Em]

I like it.

[Eva]

It was concise.

[Christine]

Yeah, they get even more concise because I just gave up eventually. And I was like, lord, I don't need to elaborate. They're pretty wild as they are. So this is another semi longish one. Kenneth Morale is 20. Andrew Reyes, 18, and Yanis Ramirez, 18, were arrested in Seminole County, Florida.

[Em]

Yeah, fuck that place.

[Christine]

I didn't say anything.

[Em]

I don't know what I said.

[Christine]

Sometimes we try to pander. We don't know if it's going to work or not. In September 2013, on charges of burglary, grand theft, and criminal mischief, the trio had kicked in the side door of a woman's home in Winter park and had stolen more than $10,000 worth of items, including Swarovski crystal figurines, high end kitchen equipment, and expensive furniture, including an entire couch. They then loaded it all into their rented U Haul. Fortunately for the woman who lived there, whose name was Amanda Volens, her father actually lived in the neighborhood, and he happened to be walking by and saw all these people, like, loading his daughter's stuff into a U Haul truck. So he calls his daughter and is like, either you're moving away and didn't tell me, or someone's robbing you. So she's like, I'm not moving, so something bad's happening. So she drives home, but by the time she gets back, the group had already left. So she calls 911 and reports the crime to the police. They say they're sending some officers her way and to kind of start looking around and see what's missing. So as she's doing that, she hangs up the phone. She's trying to collect herself, and that's when she notices something curious. Something's backing up the driveway, and it happens to be a large U Haul. That's right. The group has returned because they want to pick up some more stuff. So they jump out of the U Haul and start heading toward the broken door. They see her in the kitchen or wherever she is on the other side of the door, realize that she's home, jump back in the U Haul, and peace out of there. But Amanda decides she's gonna go after them herself because the police aren't there.

[Em]

Good job, little vigilante.

[Christine]

I know. She's like, oh, well, my mom's car was there, so I just, like, jumped in and followed them. So she drives down after the U Haul, and the whole time she's on the phone with police, giving them a play by play. Like, we just turned left on this street and right on this street. It is basically just like mapping out where they're driving. And only because of that, police are able to arrest the three thieves. And as far as I know, actually, unfortunately, they were never able to find the $10,000 of stuff that they stole. They think they had, like, a hideaway location or something, but, yeah, they never would have gotten caught if they hadn't come back for some more Swarovski Crystals. So story number two, that's a $10,000.

[Em]

Story, though I would happily lose all my stuff to be able to tell a story like that.

[Christine]

So don't say that to a group of hundreds of people. M doesn't mean it. I promise. Okay. Oh, God, this one's weird. All right. February 2012. Police respond to a call about a man with a gun outside of a Wells Fargo bank in Naples, Florida. The gun thing? No. When they arrived, they found Mark Lesher, 51, attempting to drive away from the scene with a woman in the passenger seat. When police are finally able to pull him over, Lesher explained that this was all a big misunderstanding. You see, he's half orangutan, and what he was trying to do. Oh, it's so funny. It's just all a big misunderstanding.

[Em]

Okay, Sorry. Just processing.

[Christine]

What he was trying to do is call the fusion center to ask about monkey blood because he's only half, and so he needs to replenish his supply, you know?

[Em]

Okay.

[Christine]

He further explained that he was the director of the CIA as well as Elvis Presley's brother.

[Em]

Pick a story. Like, don't.

[Christine]

Commit to one.

[Em]

It's like, this is too much information. It's making you look more suspicious. Right.

[Christine]

Stick with the orangutan blood. And, like, no one will question.

[Em]

Somehow you seemed to more truthful when you were just a CIA operative. Yes.

[Christine]

He also said he was a good friend of President Bush with whom he shares an attorney. Deputies found a gun and bullets in Lesher's vehicle, but no connection to the CIA. I was like, well, yeah, obviously not, but okay. Thanks for checking. Oh, yeah, yeah. Lesher's unnamed passenger was released there. I'm not sure. Some people speculate that she was like a hostage, like, that he had just gotten her in the car, but it's kind of unclear. And Lesher himself was charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon. Okay, next story. The end. I wrote the end after all of them. But then I was like, that's going to be a lot of the ends. And I don't want to tire you guys out from.

[Em]

We'll turn that one into a fin.

[Christine]

It's okay. You only speak Spanish. Don't worry. I know. Okay. But it's not just criminals who are having a great time in Florida. When a dispute broke out on a Jacksonville street corner over pictures posted to a Jacksonville Yoo hoo. On a Jacksonville street corner over pictures posted to a Facebook group. Responding officers showed up at the scene blaring a very loud version of the California funk band Wars. Why can't we be friends? This one's so good. The police defused the situation without incident. One of the women involved in the dispute told reporter Ben Conrack, I'm a little irritated. I can't get the song out of my head now. Aye, aye, aye. But unfortunately, some cops take their fun times a little too far. Yep. In fall of 2017, a Sumter county deputy named William Rapalaia was asked to teach a concealed weapons course to local Floridians. Floridians. It's a long one. He was arrested shortly after when the sheriff's department discovered that he had pawned the six guns he had been loaned for use in the course. Literally, all that happened was the sheriff's department went up to him and said, like, oh, thanks for teaching that course. Can you return the guns we loaned you? And he's like, oh, I sold those.

[Em]

God.

[Christine]

Like, I don't really.

[Eva]

You had one job, right?

[Christine]

And he did the job.

[Em]

Yeah, he had one other job.

[Christine]

I guess we did one other job. I don't know how you think that's going to end, but anyway. In October 2017, 51 year old Danny Leman Jelly broke into the Siesta Key Oyster Bar O.

[Em]

People know that place.

[Christine]

Okay, okay, okay, I hear you. And stole $150 in signed $ bills off the wall. You know how in those bars they like.

[Eva]

Yeah.

[Christine]

So he stole 150 of them. Now, I tried to reword this in my own writing, but instead I'm just gonna go ahead and read the last couple lines from the Thrillist article just because it's written way too well for me to try and fuck with it.

[Em]

Love it.

[Christine]

He then spent the bills on the first thing any self respecting Florida man would do. A pub sub. Love a good pub sub. Finding it odd someone would pay for his chicken tender sandwich with a bunch. I do love that people are clapping louder for the Thrillist article than anything I wrote. Oh, guys. Okay. Finding it odd someone to pay for his sandwich with a bunch of bills marked quote Bill and Wally, spring break 89. Publix employees reported him. He was later arrested at a Beals outlet. Bells. Well, it's not spelled that way, so. Bells. Is that right? Bells? No, I can't understand what they're saying. Bells. I heard no and yes. So we're just gonna drop it, okay. Over the. Jesus Christ.

[Em]

I thought they were chanting Publix.

[Christine]

What's that?

[Em]

Which like in my mind made sense. Cause in my head that's what was happening.

[Christine]

Wait, what?

[Em]

I thought they were chanting Publix, which made sense. Cause in my mind since you said the word Publix.

[Christine]

Right. Let's go with that. I like that better. Yeah, that version.

[Em]

Because like I'm aware of like the public's sandwich game. Like I'm.

[Christine]

Are you trying to hop on my sandwich story?

[Em]

No, I. I was. It was happening in my head. A little dance.

[Christine]

Well, I can't pronounce this one. Outlet. So it's fine. Oh, so every. I get it. So people debate whether it's. Is that the thing? I'm going to stop trying to talk about it. They arrested him at a Bass pro shops over the course of several months, a 40 year old. This is a new story. So leave that. Leave your anger behind. Thank you. Over the course of several months, a 40 year old West Palm beach man repeatedly tried to eat breakfast at the Holiday Inn on Bluffton Road despite not having a room there. When employees asked him to leave, he would curse and yell at them. According to the report, the manager tried to intervene May 15, and the man claimed he was the great grandson of Theodore Roosevelt and that he owned not only the hotel, but the entire United States.

[Em]

Oh, well, that makes sense.

[Christine]

Well, then have your cold scrambled eggs, Sir. Jesus. Okay. June 9, 2017. Authorities say 28 year old Jonathan Hinkle called 911 and told dispatchers his grandmother had just suffered a stroke in the parking lot of a local Hooters restaurant and that he would pay them to take him there. After searching for three hours for the man's grandmother, authorities finally found her in another location, saying she hadn't suffered a stroke or had asked or hadn't asked anyone for help. Hinkle was arrested on charges of misusing 911 in an attempt to get a ride to Hooters.

[Em]

Anything to get to Hooters.

[Christine]

What'd you say?

[Em]

Anything to get to Hooters.

[Christine]

Just for the wings. It's only for the wings. So I know I've kind of gone all over the, like, Floridian map, but as you all probably know, Tampa is not immune to these kind of stories. So I have some specifically for you guys. From you guys to you guys. According to the ps, I think as we were driving here, we saw the Tampa Bay Times, like, right there, I'm pretty sure. And basically the Tampa Bay Times, like, was my source for the next five bullets. So just so you know, according to the Tampa Bay Times, James Mahoney of St. Petersburg. Okay. I was like, I'm gonna wing it and see if that's actually in and around Tampa. So. Good. James Mahoney of St. Petersburg called 911 while intoxicated and said he was messed up. Fair. When deputies arrived, he was still on the phone with a dispatcher. They asked him why he called 911 and he said it was to check on his tax return.

[Em]

It's an emergency.

[Christine]

I mean, it's not. Not an emergency.

[Em]

That's like, before my mom, like, really helped me with my first, like, year of taxes. And I was like, I should probably.

[Eva]

Call the police because I need help.

[Christine]

Yeah. Every time I stare at TurboTax, I just devolve into, like, my own version of. What's it called? Messed Up. Yeah. Okay. Another story from the Tampa Bay Times. A Tampa man set fire to his apartment complex in an effort, according to police to get back at the management of the complex, whom he felt had treated him unjustly. His reasoning, they had recently told him to stop masturbating in front of his open windows.

[Em]

Oh.

[Christine]

He was arrested on the charge of first degree arson. Held in the Orient Road jail without fail. A semi trailer truck destined for delivery to a Publix distribution center. Distribution center in Lakeland. I want to say that line again because that felt really good. Nope. Was stolen in St. Petersburg Sunday morning. Oh, my God. The truck was carrying approximately 36,000 pounds of Crisco. April 2017. Tampa Police arrested a 32 year old high school math teacher. It's not going as poorly as you think. Although there were plenty of those stories.

[Em]

Oh, okay.

[Christine]

A 32 year old high school math teacher on charges of child neglect. According to police, the teacher had drunkenly let a 14 year old boy drive her to Waffle House. It's.

[Em]

I like, I kind of get it.

[Christine]

It's not completely as bad as it sounds just because it was her boyfriend's son. So it was like he lived at the house. It wasn't like a student of hers, but no, it's still fucking terrible. There's no excusing it. I'm sorry. Police also say there was an open beer in the cup holder of the car.

[Em]

Got it.

[Christine]

Yeah. Classy. A St. Petersburg, Florida man was sentenced to six years and five months in federal prison for firing off a gun in a bathroom strip club. It's another bathroom experience.

[Em]

They're all scary.

[Christine]

They're all very scary. The bullet made a hole in the bathroom mirror and went through the wall into the adjacent restroom. Thankfully, nobody was in there, so we're good on that front. Could have gone worse. When asked why he had fired the gun, the man responded, it was an accident, man. I was just trying to take a selfie.

[Em]

What?

[Christine]

I have a feeling he was trying to take a mirror selfie. With a gun.

[Eva]

Oh, okay.

[Em]

You know, I thought he meant like with the phone. He was trying to take a. I was like an idiot.

[Christine]

With a gun, you mean.

[Em]

I see. I see what you're saying.

[Christine]

You said with a phone. You mean a gun?

[Em]

No, like, I thought like he was using like the gun as a camera.

[Christine]

Yes, right. Looking into the barrel.

[Em]

No, that makes so much more sense that he was just trying to look cool with.

[Christine]

You know what, it's Florida. I don't really know. So it could be either one. Okay. Now this is the last one. I have something else afterward, but this is the last story. December 5, 2017. A Tampa man was arrested and charged with burglary after reportedly breaking into a garage in Riverview, Florida.

[Em]

Yeah, break ins.

[Christine]

Breaking and entering.

[Em]

Woo.

[Christine]

38 year old Matthew Jeanneau of Tampa reportedly went to a garage on Craigel Avenue in Riverview and took a wine cooler out of the refrigerator. He also grabbed a torch.

[Em]

Uh oh.

[Christine]

Jeannot then walked out back and drank the wine cooler before leaving the property. He took the torch with him. And that. Those are your. Wait, what? That's it. He took the torch.

[Em]

Okay.

[Christine]

They saw it on a camera. They didn't. I don't know.

[Em]

All right. I was expecting. It was very anti climatic.

[Christine]

I'm reporting. I'm reporting the news. I'm not explaining it.

[Em]

Thank you guys so much.

[Christine]

Thank you, Tampa, we love you.