Ari Shaffir’s Craziest Travel Stories: Exorcisms, Prostitutes, and Magic Mushrooms | #697

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Ari Shaffir’s Craziest Travel Stories: Exorcisms, Prostitutes, and Magic Mushrooms | Flagrant w/ Andrew Schulz & Akaash Singh | #697

Date: March 25, 2026
Guests: Ari Shaffir (comedian, storyteller)
Hosts: Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, Mark Normand, Luis J. Gomez

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Episode Overview

This episode features Ari Shaffir recounting the craziest and wildest stories from his latest extensive travels—an eight-month odyssey through Central and South America, Alaska, and beyond. Topics range from the psychological journey of disconnecting from technology, in-depth local experiences with drugs, cultures, and witchcraft, to reflections on extreme societal changes and personal growth. Ari also covers the dramatic history of his beloved storytelling show (now relaunched as "The End") and the evolution of his comedic and narrative style. The conversation is unapologetically flagrant, hilarious, and deeply honest.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Going Off the Grid: Disconnecting from Technology

• Ari Shaffir’s Digital Detox:
  • Ari describes going totally off-grid—changing his number, avoiding news and social media, and limiting internet use to essentials like checking baseball scores.
  • "[The] first week is a dopamine drop... like giving up cigarettes or any drug." (03:01, Ari)
  • Withdrawal manifested as crankiness and the compulsion to fill the vacant time.
• Travel Mindset:
  • Instead of scrolling endlessly, Ari consciously fills his time with new experiences, journaling, and connecting with both locals and fellow travelers.
  • The creative floodgates open after a couple of weeks.
  • "My mind exploded after about two weeks with just thoughts... creative ideas." (06:23, Ari)
• Meeting People Abroad:
  • Hostels are Ari’s go-to, described as the most social and effective way to integrate with travelers and locals.
  • Distinction between meeting locals versus other travelers; language ability (Spanish) makes a massive difference.

2. Addictions, Substances, and the “Adventure” of Drugs

• Finding Weed and Other Drugs:
  • Locating marijuana varies country by country—from street vendors to coded interactions with local artisans. He avoids crossing borders with drugs. Adventures include accidental coke parties with Australians (who are “obsessed” with cocaine, often due to its poor quality at home).
  • "Finding weed is like an adventure. Got it every time... Dump, start over." (13:16, Ari)
• Psychedelic Experiences:
  • Best mushroom trip ever—details kept intentionally vague to protect the location.
  • Extensive discussion of the spiritual and creative insights from psychedelics, both in travel and in the conception of his new show (see below).

3. Craziest Travel Stories (Witches, Exorcisms, Prostitutes, & Border Chaos)

• Witch Markets & Exorcisms:
  • Ari goes deep into an encounter at a Peruvian witch market, culminating in a "curse cleansing" ritual involving black guinea pigs and swords.
  • "You gotta do a black cuy [guinea pig] treatment. She chops it, reads eggs, it dies—apparently, that means the curse is real." (154:00, Ari)
  • The entire ordeal is a blend of awe, humor, and healthy skepticism.
• Sex and Danger:
  • Ari recounts watching sex work in Colombia’s “prostitute park”—not participating, but observing the surreal culture surrounding drugs and sex tourism.
  • Discussion about how sex tourism can damage local economies and community safety.
• Corruption, Bureaucracy & Getting Detained:
  • Refused entry into Nicaragua for being a "press" or because of social media presence—after hours of interrogation, sent back to El Salvador by boat.
  • "Two and a half hours of interrogation... they go, you have a lot of Instagram followers, huh?" (16:08, Ari)
• Colombia’s Insecurity:
  • Recent trips suggest Colombia is returning to being dangerous: robberies, scams, Tinder setups for theft.

4. Sociopolitical Observations from Central & South America

• El Salvador’s “Cleansing”:
  • Unfiltered discussion about President Bukele’s violent anti-gang crackdown—most locals Ari met were grateful for improved safety, though some worry about authoritarian overreach.
  • “Every one of my friends when I left at 12 is dead or in prison.” (23:16, Ari reporting a local's words)
  • Explores how Western media narratives can miss local realities.
• Political Upheaval Elsewhere:
  • Witnessing civil unrest and rapid government turnover in Bolivia and elsewhere; culture shock at how much power the populace sometimes wields.
• Philosophy of Outsiderhood:
  • Ari and the hosts reflect on enjoying outsider status everywhere, including the U.S., and how immersion—especially in locations without infrastructure for mass tourism—offers the most revealing experiences.

5. Tourist Must-Sees & Worth-The-Hype Experiences

• Top Tourist Sites:
  • Iguazu Falls between Argentina and Brazil—"Niagara's a dick compared to this." (45:10)
  • Machu Picchu—guide to both the extravagant tourist hike and the “bribe-to-access” trick for off-limits zones.
  • Bolivian Salt Flats—described as “otherworldly,” with optical illusion photos and salt hotels.
• Unexpected Adventures:
  • Alaskan Solstice in Barrow:
    • "Saw a polar bear, whale hunt party, polar plunge, indigenous blubber feast." (64:11, Ari)
  • Patagonia in a Camper Van:
    • Three weeks of wild camping and stunning mountain scenery, offering a sense of liberation.
  • Carnival in Brazil:
    • “Gay-friendly, hyper-social, women unbelievably attractive, everyone is loose and happy.”

6. Personal Growth, Vulnerability, and Emotional Moments

• Reflection on Family:
  • On mushrooms, Ari reflects on his relationship with his father, gratitude, and shifting from a strict parental relationship to affectionate friendship.
  • “I thought about my dad as a real person for the first time maybe ever.” (130:18, Ari)
• Adapting to Simplicity:
  • Reveling in the joys of sink water, a flushable toilet, and “mundane” pleasures upon return.
  • The struggle to resist getting sucked back into politics and digital overstimulation in the USA.

7. “The End”—Ari’s Storytelling Show Revival

• History & Evolution:
  • Originated as a magical underground LA show, changed topic every week (mushroom stories, hooker stories, etc.), grew organs as “This Is Not Happening” on Comedy Central.
  • Breakthrough moment: viral stories from previously unknown comics (notably Ali Siddiq’s “Mexican Got on Boots”).
  • “A place for stories that would never get to TV otherwise.” (92:04, Ari)
• Network Drama & Independence:
  • Lost the show after selling a special to Netflix (without an “overall deal” from Comedy Central), leading to punitive actions.
  • Ari lost creative control, but after years and a pandemic sabbatical, relaunches the show independently as “The End.”
• What Makes Great Storytelling:
  • The story is king, not the name—no “success” stories, only spectacular failures, close calls, or profound lessons.
  • “Don’t ever tell a success story.” (123:34, Ari quoting Big Jay Oakerson)
  • Carefully curated and direct-to-fans via YMH Studios / arishafir.com.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Digital Detox and Creative Explosion:
  “My mind exploded after about two weeks with just thoughts. I figured out a way to frame my new show—never would have come up with it in daily grind.” (06:23, Ari)
• On Local Media vs. Western Perceptions:
  “What is it about the media here that got me thinking this [Salvadoran leader] guy’s evil? What are they gaining by that?” (28:59, Ari)
• On Witch Market Exorcism:
  “You need a black cuy [guinea pig] cleansing. She rubs it on me—it dies. Means my curse is serious. Then a frog, swords, water, lots of slapping.” (154:00, Ari)
• On Travel Trauma:
  “We were the first on the scene—two village kids, life-threatening injuries, had to get them to a hospital in the Andes.” (149:51, Ari)
• On Embracing the Mundane:
  "Now, brushing my teeth with sink water is a joy. Flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away—crazy how privileged we are." (142:12, Ari)
• On Return to Storytelling:
  “I wasn’t able to get my storyteller going again since I had the curse, I think. And now—April 16th—the End.” (167:33, Ari)
• Classic Flagrant Edge:
  “We put babies on pizzas, they play soccer with ‘em—that’s the difference.” (26:59, Andrew, riffing darkly about cartel atrocities vs. American culture)

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Timestamps for Major Segments

• [00:00–06:50] – Ari’s digital detox: withdrawal, filling time, creative rebirth.
• [12:00–18:30] – Adventure in finding drugs across Latin America; getting denied at the Nicaragua border.
• [20:22–28:00] – El Salvador: living without gangs, on-the-ground impressions, local vs. foreign narratives.
• [30:44–42:50] – Bolivia: political upheaval, rural-urban divides, unrest as “democracy in action.”
• [45:10–54:00] – Big tourist sights: Iguazu Falls, Machu Picchu bribe hack, salt flats photography.
• [64:03–67:30] – Alaska: solstice, whale hunt, indigenous customs, polar bears.
• [69:10–72:55] – Colombia: crime resurgence, sex tourism pitfalls, best mushroom trip (tease).
• [73:30–99:00] – Detailed history of “This Is Not Happening,” creative rupture with Comedy Central, rebirth as “The End.”
• [129:19–137:40] – Emotional reflection, travel’s effect on outlook, street dog rescue stories, philosophical musings on contentment vs. adventure.
• [150:35–164:35] – In-depth recounting of the Peruvian witch market, curse-cleansing rituals, guinea pig sacrifice.
• [174:00–175:00] – Oasis concerts in South America; fan devotion and concert cultural quirks.

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Closing Reflections

The episode is a masterclass in storytelling—with all the irreverence, self-deprecation, and boundary-pushing humor the Flagrant crew and Ari are known for. It’s a powerful reminder of the transformative (and frequently bizarre) potential of travel, the relative smallness of digital life, and the importance of loving real human connections, from family to fellow comedians.

Ari’s new storytelling series, "The End," is available for pre-order at arishafir.com or YMHStudios.com (released April 16th, 2026).

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Transcript

[Andrew Schultz]

What's up everybody and welcome to flagrance. And today we are joined by our dear friend Ari Shafir. He is back. Thanks.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, thanks, everybody.

[Andrew Schultz]

We got dressed up for you. You got dressed up for us. You're going for eight months. For people who don't know you do this very cool thing where you tour. Stand up for a while.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is cool.

[Mark Normand]

That is cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

You should try it. You should try it.

[Andrew Schultz]

My manager would like that. So would my agen.

[Ari Shaffir]

These basketball teams are like. We have off nights. Yeah, the.

[Andrew Schultz]

But yeah, you go for like a year or two, they put something out and then you. You. You don't just go away. You like, go away away.

[Ari Shaffir]

I go away.

[Andrew Schultz]

No phone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, no phone. Or I got a new number so I can like deal with stuff while I'm gone.

[Andrew Schultz]

Do you not do like the. What is it called?

[Ari Shaffir]

Lock myself out of email?

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no, no. There's like a. It's called a stupid phone or something. Dumb phone or whatever where you can just text and.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but I mean, I gave up all my numbers. I didn't like take any of my numbers.

[Andrew Schultz]

So could message you.

[Ari Shaffir]

We could message me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. And you go away for eight months.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I didn't want any of the people like, well, I want to be able to text you. I'm like, for what? What are you gonna tell me how DDI hires are ruining America? Dude, you'll cover everything. So I'm back. I want to know. I don't need. I don't need to know any of this.

[Andrew Schultz]

We need to fill you in on so many stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's so 2023 right there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, okay, hold on. Let me just tell you. I've been off the news before I left, but for real, since July.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know anything. Anything Legitimately nothing.

[Mark Normand]

You're in the right place.

[Ari Shaffir]

So anything you tell me now. Hold on. How do we do this the best? Put a couple lies in here so I don't know what's wrong with you.

[Andrew Schultz]

People are happy. Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. Yeah. But yeah, I'm also not interested in hearing all this shit. But anyway, go ahead.

[Andrew Schultz]

You are probably right to not be interested because nothing really changes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

I mean, everything changes and the world's falling apart, but like, to you, is it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know, everyone's still alive. Yeah, I don't.

[Andrew Schultz]

So we were just angry for eight

[Ari Shaffir]

months for nothing cycles of like we're supposed to care about this for a week or two?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't think anything didn't get covered Taken care of while I was gone. My interest in it isn't going to affect it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, it's almost like we could all turn our phones off for eight minutes.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's almost like that. It's almost like you're like, I can sit this one out.

[Mark Normand]

It's almost like the Hasidic Jews had it right all along, you know?

[Andrew Schultz]

Whoa. Is that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you're fine.

[Andrew Schultz]

You have a way of looking painfully Jewish when you come back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Your phone.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I want to ask for a loan right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Denied.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. I got to put these away.

[Andrew Schultz]

Take us through this. Like, euphoric. Like the first week. Was it like.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is.

[Andrew Schultz]

Do you reach for the phone at all? Like, give us the first week away.

[Ari Shaffir]

So, okay. Yeah, great. First week is a dopamine drop.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you're sad.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like whatever you get on that, that keeps you like, temporarily entertained and then like long term depression. Yeah, you're not getting it. Yeah. So you're like, I have a withdrawal symptoms.

[Andrew Schultz]

And what is. How do the withdrawal manifest?

[Ari Shaffir]

Cranky? It's like giving up cigarettes or giving up any drug, you know, really? It's like my emotions aren't right. Yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Imagine taking a. And not having something.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Schultz]

I would rather my phone and toilet paper.

[Ari Shaffir]

You gotta back.

[Andrew Schultz]

I would rather my phone than toilet paper.

[Ari Shaffir]

When I go take a. Yeah, you got. Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schultz]

So wait, so what do you do?

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to read the back of a raid can.

[Mark Normand]

Just.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay, all right, so where does the bo. Where does the most of the boredom hit you? Like, when you're in a new city, it's fun. You're seeing streets you've never seen. You're interacting with people.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've met too many people at hostels that are like, I up and I spent all night scrolling Facebook or something. Facebook? That means they're foreign. But like. But like. And then like, oh, I couldn't go out with everybody the next day because I was tired. And you're like, you fucked up. You're in some crazy cool place and you just got connected at home.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You ruined the addiction. And they know. They're like, yeah, I messed up.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, but they're addicted.

[Ari Shaffir]

But.

[Andrew Schultz]

But give me the first experience of the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, so first, first I'm like, I gotta do something. I was at a beach, which was really helpful.

[Andrew Schultz]

Where?

[Ari Shaffir]

Mexico.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Some tiny kind of beach in shoulder season. And it was just like, I decided my friend Rolf Potts, the writer, he goes get to a beach right away. So you lose track of time and I decided I'm gonna stay there till I don't feel connected. Cause I've got six months. It's not a two week vacation that I gotta like get going. I'm like, I'm stay. So there's like four days, not nearly enough. Six days. And after about eight or nine days, I was like, I think I'm good. I was checking Yankee scores for like the first four or five days.

[Andrew Schultz]

Laptop?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I have a phone, but it just changed my number and I got a new phone. So I didn't take any contacts on it.

[Andrew Schultz]

No social media. But you still have none. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And then I realized like this is even. Even espn.com is connecting me to. So I was like, you know what, I'm gonna log back in. I checked the date when it's about a week off in the playoffs. I'll see if they in it. Yeah, they were.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I stayed with them until they got eliminated and then I went right back off.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. But then I filled in Oaxaca. I found a fucking local baseball team that was headed into playoff season. Okay, so you tied Shout Out Guerreros number one team in Mexico league baseball.

[Andrew Schultz]

Got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Mbl.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you just replace it. We still need distraction there. Isn't this world where we're just gonna like stare off into the distance and feel happy. We just can replace it with like a more satisfying, fun new things.

[Mark Normand]

Do you think of better ideas in the silence, bro?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Andrew Schultz]

I really want you to say no, not at all.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think about jerking off all day. Yeah, I started jerking off like this sideways and double handed. And I was like, I never would have come up with this idea to return emails. The Indian Burn.

[Mark Normand]

The Indian Burn's a classic.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Because it's like all day I'm like on my bike, I'm listening to music, I go home, I put on a podcast, I got a YouTube video, I'm going to sleep. But it's just like non stop in clutter. And then I am in the shower and I'm like, I always think a good idea is in the shower going

[Ari Shaffir]

to sound legitimately gay. And I hope if Shane Gillis, if you're watching, turn this off. Cuz I know you'll make fun of me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

My mind exploded after about two weeks with just thoughts. I was just like, what? Just like firing on all cylinders.

[Andrew Schultz]

Like what?

[Ari Shaffir]

Just new thoughts, creative ideas. This show that I just put out, I figured out a way to like to start it and frame it all. I was like, oh, I know how to frame it as a As a book with chapters. I just didn't have time to think. That's what I did last. I was camp with Jew when I was in Southeast Asia, where I was like, oh, I want to do it about the how. And I'm not rushed in.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, let me.

[Ari Shaffir]

How. How would I cover it? How would I do it all?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You just, like, think clearly. There's no need to get back there. This sounds awesome.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I wish I could do this.

[Ari Shaffir]

You can.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Are you with a group of people or you're alone?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You meet people? Yeah, meet people at hostels.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, you're like, at hostels? You know. Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's the most social way to do it.

[Mark Normand]

That's also the best way to do it. I see people that go on, like, trips and they'll go to, like, Peru in the state of resort with a bunch of French people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And it's like, yeah, what's the point? You're staying in America in Peru.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I mean, there's meeting locals and then there's meeting other travelers, which is mostly what I did.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

This was easier than Southeast Asia because at least it's one language. You're fluent in Spanish.

[Andrew Schultz]

I can speak.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You can start to excel and really actually talk to people.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. It's great.

[Ari Shaffir]

And find out, like, oh, my theories about you are wrong. Met a lot of people. I miss some guy in, like, Peru.

[Andrew Schultz]

I love how you said theories instead of stereotypes. Unless your theory. I have a theory about Chinese Taurus. Get in trouble with my theory.

[Ari Shaffir]

Theory. I have a theory that you're going to steal. My theory is you can't spell theory. Yeah. Like, you meet villagers and like, how many kids? Like, one. Like, one kid. And like, they're expensive. I'm like, I wouldn't have over here too. Yeah. Oh, okay. You just, like, humanize people that you're

[Andrew Schultz]

like, because they don't have Mexicans to look after them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. They do it themselves. They're paying full freight, right? Yeah. And then, like, nothing is political to them. They're like, rained early this year. I don't know, like climate change. I'm like, like, yeah, what is that change? Comb over to climate. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. It has comebioed a little bit. Is that a right wing or left wing, dude? Like, I mean, it's a farmer's almanac view. I don't know what this is related to.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. Brain is exploding. You're actually thinking it is funny because I always complain to the guys here. After having two kids, I have no time to think.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And I really just have no time to scroll forever. Like, I don't know if I had that much time where I just sat around fucking pondering.

[Ari Shaffir]

You put it away.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, I got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so hard to put away.

[Andrew Schultz]

Why? You did it for eight months. Why is it hard?

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, I had to exit. I can't do it here. Even if you lock yourself. Dude, I haven't.

[Andrew Schultz]

I would argue what you did.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Is it's more difficult to put. When I'm on vacation, there's nothing stopping me from scrolling. I only podcast to not scroll.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Only put away your phone three days

[Andrew Schultz]

a week so I can have a fucking break.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And sometimes he forgets and still takes

[Andrew Schultz]

his own mid pocket.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's a Tim Robinson sketch. If I lose an argument, I'll go my phone in the middle of it. Yeah. I mean, yeah. It's like one big step and then you're. And then you're free. This schwitz, same thing. Yeah. You go to the schvitz, like you're out of it.

[Andrew Schultz]

You see people in a sauna what the schvitz is. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Explain to the goys what the schmitz is.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like a.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If you had a theory, I wouldn't

[Ari Shaffir]

know what that was. Jews and gays know it. And Russians, it's like. It's like the sauna and the.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's like sauna cold plunge.

[Ari Shaffir]

That kind of like a bathhouse in. Yeah, bathhouse.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

By the way, New York is one of the few places where a bathhouse does not mean gay hookup site.

[Andrew Schultz]

Is that right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You go, oh, I found a bathhouse in Portland. And it's like, ah, no way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Went to a bathhouse in Barcelona. That was a mistake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Naked dudes everywhere.

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, no, that doesn't mean they're gay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, no. But there was, like, stuff going on.

[Andrew Schultz]

These fucking locker rooms are gay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nah. But they was hooking up in the locker rooms.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sweat.

[Andrew Schultz]

Nothing stops. Nothing stops.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's amazing.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what happens with women.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, it's not. It's just women stop us. So when it's just another guy wears

[Ari Shaffir]

the brake pad, she's like, I can't touch you. Like, sure, yeah, why not?

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm not scrolling. That's scrolling. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Carnival in Brazil where there's like gay sections and then like, some guy will step. Like, they'll be talking and some guy will walk by and they just like touch their pecs like this and then go. Then back to the

[Andrew Schultz]

what?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, imagine doing that to a chick

[Mark Normand]

and he's like, it's like a dog. You just like pet it a little bit, move on.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm allowed.

[Andrew Schultz]

I saw you talking about that. Brazil is the gayest place you've ever been, dog.

[Ari Shaffir]

Gaia.

[Andrew Schultz]

How?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so. I. It's gay friendly. They're everywhere.

[Andrew Schultz]

Really.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, I've been to San Francisco. Nothing. No offense. San Francisco, it's all of Brazil.

[Andrew Schultz]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And they don't care there. They're all the baddest women. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Well, that's why they're so hot. Because they're trying to.

[Ari Shaffir]

They got to work harder.

[Mark Normand]

Pressure makes diamonds.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, the butts are shaped different there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The bathing suits are made different because our bathing suits wouldn't fit them.

[Mark Normand]

And what about the women's butts?

[Ari Shaffir]

Son of a bed. Eight months away to deal with this.

[Andrew Schultz]

All right, so you take on. You bought what? You bought the.

[Ari Shaffir]

I just went into new experiences.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Guerreros. I'm like, sick. They're my team now. Follow them all the way through Guatemala. You can go like pirate this game in. In a bar. Like, we can play anything on YouTube. Nobody cares about us.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Why'd you pick them? You just saw the game and they had.

[Ari Shaffir]

There was like, there's a team in. In. In.

[Andrew Schultz]

Correct.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's a Mexican baseball league and there was a team in Oaxaca. And I was like, ah. The season just ended, like playoffs. They're the third seed. I'm following them. Go to a game. It's so much fun. I was like, I didn't eat that day cuz I was like, I'm going to get a hot dog. Or I didn't eat late. I'm going to get a hot dog at a game. No hot dog in full burrito plate. 12 year old selling beer. Legit 12 year olds. Like, what do you want? Like, what are you selling?

[Andrew Schultz]

Base off.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm like, no way.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Get me a Michelada.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, how good is that?

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh. So what is our baseline? What do we need? We need sport. Yeah. Or something to follow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, book.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you get into any reading? I'm trying to think, what is my life without scrolling? What is my life without the phone?

[Ari Shaffir]

But I brought a book of short stories with me. Like, like best short stories of the year that come out every year. And I read like four of them. I carried this book around with me for eight months and I read four of them. Yeah. No, I was journaling sometimes.

[Andrew Schultz]

Ok, okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

But that's just So I can remember later. Yeah, drugs. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Women.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, women. Yeah, a little bit. But also like, yeah, drugs is great. Finding weed is like an adventure. Got it every time. Cuz I don't go over borders with it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Smart.

[Ari Shaffir]

So, yeah. So whatever I have, I'm like, dump, start over. Dump, start over.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's always an adventure to find weed.

[Andrew Schultz]

Why is it an adventure to find weed?

[Ari Shaffir]

Where they make it, you gotta find. Peaches are easier. They just come by, like, who wants joints? And then other countries, like, you got to find a guy making his own jewelry in like a town square. And then you're like, dude, got a little something. Yeah. And if they're like, no, I don't sell. But they're going to be like, I know the wait here. So, yeah, that's fun. Coke, mushrooms. Yeah. If you meet in Australia, you're doing coke.

[Andrew Schultz]

Why do they love it? We were trying to solve this.

[Mark Normand]

Australians love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

They get the worst coke in the world. It's all cut up and shit. Inexpensive. So then when they go anywhere else, they're like, I've never experienced coke like that.

[Andrew Schultz]

But they also love it. There's.

[Ari Shaffir]

They love it there and it's so bad.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And why is it you think you could get good coke to Australia? It's not this.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think they have to put up with the action where I need to forget I need to get. I need to be.

[Andrew Schultz]

But it's all coastline. You don't think you can sneak some coke into Australia?

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's swimming there?

[Andrew Schultz]

Take a boat.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Kill a boat.

[Mark Normand]

And they also have the strictest border control.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You remember going through Australian security?

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, it was. Oh, yeah. Because they got to deal with the Asians.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, it is the people.

[Mark Normand]

Me, we were looking at like the immigration form and it was like, have you been near cattle? And I was like, okay, we've seen that one. You know, like, have you touched fireworks?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, all right.

[Mark Normand]

You know, whatever. It was like, do you have an insect in your bag?

[Ari Shaffir]

Are you traveling with, like a good luck insect?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Transporting a raw turkey in a box overhead.

[Andrew Schultz]

No live livestock. They would ask you, are you bringing any livestock? Asians are food, but they don't trust it.

[Ari Shaffir]

They don't trust it. They're like, we're not going to be

[Andrew Schultz]

able to get a chicken in Australia. Just take the chicken with them. For real. There's a. There's a whole show. There's like a custom show.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's literally like Border patrol, but in Australia. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And the whole thing Is predicated on Asians bringing wild shit to Australia.

[Ari Shaffir]

They should ask on that forum, like, will you take a picture with an iPad in front of people? Have you done that in the last 30 days? Have you blocked a sunset to take a picture with a laptop? You cannot come in here. What was your least favorite, worst tourist in the world? Mainlanders. What?

[Andrew Schultz]

What's your least favorite place you go

[Ari Shaffir]

to on this trip? I mean, they were all so fun. Nicaragua was tough.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wait, why?

[Ari Shaffir]

They didn't let me in. What do you mean? They said no. I took a two and a half hour boat from El Salvador land. Then they're like, let's check. They check for drones. Drones are illegal. Press is illegal. Okay, I'm not press. But I guess not enough to them.

[Andrew Schultz]

So they saw the podcast. Did they do like a.

[Ari Shaffir]

They start calling Managua, this guy's on the phone grilling me. I mean, so everyone else, like, one at a time. Stamp, ghost stamp. Ari Shaffer. I'm playing with a street dog.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, you've got a travel show, dude. That's probably what it is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, but it wasn't. It was two and a half hours of interrogation. It was, come in. I'm like, come in. I don't remember anyone else going in. And then they go, close the door behind you.

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm like, what, you couldn't sneak into Nicaragua?

[Ari Shaffir]

How are they getting in here? What skills do they have that I don't have?

[Mark Normand]

That's a wonderful American prisoner is getting sent to America.

[Andrew Schultz]

You willingly wanted to go there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

That seems suspicious.

[Ari Shaffir]

What are you gonna do here? They go. They go. You have a lot of Instagram followers, huh? And I was like, schultz does not agree. He says, I'm not committing hard enough to growing my fan base. I'm like, thank you.

[Mark Normand]

My friend's actually mocking me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. And then I go. And then they ask me what I do, how many people I play for, how much, how much do I sell tickets for? And then calls from Anaga, calls from Naga every 20 minutes. And the guy's cool, he's talking to me. And then. Hold on, phone's ringing. What are you planning on doing here? I don't know. Go to cigar places. Like which ones? Okay, cool. Then talking again. Wow, they were really friendly. They brought me a cigar.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then they just said no.

[Ari Shaffir]

The guy said, I'm really sorry, man. He got the final call. His voice went down. He goes, I, I, you gotta go back. Go back to El Salvador.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you just turn around and they put you on a bus they put

[Ari Shaffir]

me on a boat back to the border town in El Salvador.

[Andrew Schultz]

Whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

I land and they're like, what are you doing here? We just sent you off seven hours ago. And I'm like, yeah, I don't know.

[Andrew Schultz]

Now is El Salvador a little worried? They're like, why'd they say no to you?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it happens all the time, actually. He said he couldn't talk to me because I was like, does this happen all the time? He goes, he's getting shady, the captain. And he goes. And then finally he was like, oh, I'll talk to him. Like, what was going on? He goes, that was the. On the boat back with you was the Nicaraguan, like, border force chief. So I couldn't, like, speak freely in front of him.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, whoa.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because this happens like once every week or two.

[Mark Normand]

Did they warn you about it before? Like, hey, just so you know, they've been turning people away.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but I did just warn somebody who's getting married in Nicaragua. And I was like, why? Everyone's LinkedIn with any journalism shit. It like, all of that. They will Google you.

[Mark Normand]

You don't want the in laws going. In which case

[Luis J. Gomez]

you didn't try to

[Ari Shaffir]

just slip them some. I didn't think of it, but, man, bribes are fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

But does it work at the border?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's tough. Totalitarian regime at a minimum. They're gonna go, I can't. Yeah, they're not gonna be that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You just like, drop it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Like, you'd be like, oh, whoops. And then, you know, here's a nickel.

[Andrew Schultz]

Change your life.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's. That's. Yeah, Yeah. I wasn't thinking clearly how absolutely I should have done that. I got some stuff.

[Andrew Schultz]

All right, guys, here's all our dates in 30 seconds. First of all, Nashville, thank you guys so much for the sold out weekend. Love seeing you guys. Great to be back out on stage again this weekend. We got Rhode Island. Okay, Saturday at the Providence Performing arts Center. Then May 8, Los Angeles Jelly Rolls show, part of the Netflix is a Joke festival. And then August 8th, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Tickets available at theandrasholz.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This message comes from NPR sponsor Paramount plus and the New original series the Madison. Taylor Sheridan's most intimate story yet. The Madison follows a family raised in a world of digital distraction, forced by tragedy to truly see one another and come together. Starring Michelle Pfeiffer and Kurt Russell. The Madison new series, streaming now only on Paramount.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it's me. Nice. Guys, I'm gonna be doing my monthly show of mary lou on March 31st. And then I'm doing a show at sesh comedy on April 3rd. That's like a headlining show. We got a magician coming through, a bunch of other comedians. That's kind of a fun vibe. And then mic drop in Plano, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Pasadena, San Diego. All happen at the end of the year. And Detroit, too. See you there.

[Andrew Schultz]

How clean is El Salvador?

[Ari Shaffir]

El Salvador's one of the most interesting places I went to.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, that's what I want to. What is the feeling there? Because they clean the whole thing up. This is the perception.

[Ari Shaffir]

So when you go to these places, you are at a. A crossroads of. I know things about the world that was given to me. And then here's my actual now opinion on it. You're like, oh, talk to Rogan. And he's like, I remember once we were on and Norman mentioned I took the subway over to there, and Joe's like, take the subway. And Mark's like, yeah. He goes. And Joe's like, why? He goes, it's faster. But because in Joe's world, everyone's getting pushed every time you take the subway.

[Mark Normand]

Right, right.

[Ari Shaffir]

And you're like, if you actually came here, that's just not the reality. Yeah, it's bumm. Pushing bums, which would be, oh, what a good TV show Bum is pushing Subway TR Fights.

[Andrew Schultz]

You remember.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Classic.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's a classic. That's a Squid games. When Subway's coming, you go in. Yeah. So it's that. So El Salvador, whatever. Media told me, like, this guy's a totalitarian.

[Andrew Schultz]

Used to be the highest murder rate in South America or the Americas in general. And now he cleaned it up, and it's the safest country.

[Ari Shaffir]

Gangs are dumb. Done.

[Andrew Schultz]

Done.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So he didn't even go, I'm giving you a week to clean up. He goes, I'm coming for you now.

[Andrew Schultz]

Now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Arrested or killed, every one of them. And I had this thing in my head that I kind of. They were like, if you have tattoos, they'll take away your civil rights and maybe put you in jail for tattoos. And then you get there like, no, it's specific tattoos. Yeah, it is. Here's a loved one I've raped. Oof. Yes. Street cred for a sister or. Or something like that. Here's the badge number of a cop I killed. Oh, those are the tattoos. And so they might go, let me see your arm. Let me see your tattoos. And then they go. They go, that's fine. Go. It's not. They're not just arresting random people.

[Andrew Schultz]

And the people there Seemed to be supportive.

[Ari Shaffir]

Beyond, they had no country. Wow. I took a tour in Santa Marta, and it was this guy, he was cool. He goes. He was like, okay, I'll show you the church, whatever. And he goes, hey, if you guys want, now it's up to you. I can show you the sights or you can ask me real questions. We go to a coffee shop. No one's listening. I can answer that question.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes. Okay. So what happens?

[Ari Shaffir]

So my first question was like, hey, how come from. From the Guatemala to here border. So indigenous all the. And then as soon as you get over the border, it's not even none. Oh, look it up. In, like, the 40s or 70s, there was a bounty on their heads, and they murdered all of them.

[Andrew Schultz]

In El Salvador, they murdered all the indigenous population. Whoa. Holy.

[Ari Shaffir]

So the rest went into hiding, and now there just is no.

[Andrew Schultz]

70s is wild.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. It was late.

[Andrew Schultz]

Like the 1970s.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, 1970s or 40s. I don't remember, but it was pretty recent. And. And so I was like, good answer. But then he's like, I thought it was something else.

[Mark Normand]

A true answer.

[Andrew Schultz]

I don't think he meant solution. That was a good answer to the question. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So this guy had left. This guy had left. Shout out, Jorge. Jorge is walking towards. But he goes, look around. He left and came back. Goes, every one of my friends when I left at 12 is dead or in prison. I don't have any left that are not. Not dead or in prison. He goes, look around. There is not a single man between 20 and 40 here. Whoa. They lost their country to gangs. It wasn't like, crime is tough. It's on another level that we don't really understand.

[Andrew Schultz]

So it needed an extreme response, or at least that's how they would justify it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you ask? So, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Everyone I met, like, this guy's a hero.

[Andrew Schultz]

Of course. Of course.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's the best. I was there for their July 4th.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, we couldn't do this. People taking their young daughters. Like, I couldn't have done this three years ago, four years ago, I'm showing her the capitol for the first time. And then they were like, where are you from? Like, New York. Like, is that America? And I'm like, yeah. They're like, what's it like there? They were so everywhere else. Like, gringos go home there. They're like, tell people it's safe. Come.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

They were so open and fresh and new. It was just really interesting.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did he say anything critical? Did you ask?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So some People go, he extended his term limits.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But this guy also arrested a bunch of senators and congressmen. One day he went in, said, open your books. I'm gonna balance your budgets, whatever. And he goes, now I'm gonna look deeper. If you've taken a bribe from a gang, you're going to jail today. And wheeled them all out. Wow. Like that day.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's fire. Fire. I like that Fire. It's the most Fire. The concern is always, like, what happens when people stay in power.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. So that's it. So, like, what if he doesn't give power? It's better than it was.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, without a doubt.

[Ari Shaffir]

If he becomes a king, it's better than it was king.

[Mark Normand]

That's fire. But like, Saddam did the purge also.

[Andrew Schultz]

Everybody does the purge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And eventually you get high off your own supply, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. That. That is the concern. But I'm just curious.

[Ari Shaffir]

He doesn't take a paycheck, doesn't get paid for being president.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, I don't like that.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't like that.

[Mark Normand]

What is. He has, like, a patron.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like, we lost our country only fans. What's his thing?

[Mark Normand]

How does he make money?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he makes handicrafts on Etsy. He's trying to bring back indigenous rights. Yeah. It's kind of crazy, but everyone there loves it. The people who left and came back, they're the ones going, I'm not sure.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, tell me what they say. Give me the pushback.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because they go, what if he never gives up power because they weren't there? I'm gonna tell you a story, and you can cut this out if you want. This is what the captain told me, okay? In this port town, he goes, they got so high on power, you should consider cutting this out. But they got so high on power, they got into witchcraft. They thought they were unstoppable, and they got to a point where they were finding pregnant women cutting their fetuses out and playing soccer with it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Who is they? The cartels?

[Ari Shaffir]

The gangs.

[Andrew Schultz]

The gangs. Holy moly.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you can't have. You can't have a society like this. So they like this guy Bukele is. He's a God.

[Andrew Schultz]

They love it. It's. It is. They. It's just a thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

It wasn't about the abortion.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, they love.

[Mark Normand]

It was about the love of soccer.

[Andrew Schultz]

Soccer. Like, think about how much you got on love socce. And it does kind of look like a ball.

[Ari Shaffir]

Think about it.

[Andrew Schultz]

The first thing they do after the witchcraft is you try to Play some soccer. They could have just done the cauldron and do whatever.

[Mark Normand]

I don't even think they want to do witchcraft, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

They just want.

[Mark Normand]

I think they're like, do you have a ball?

[Andrew Schultz]

And they're like, she does. Mom does.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And us fat Americans put babies on pizzas and ch,

[Andrew Schultz]

This is horrible.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it's so funny.

[Andrew Schultz]

We put the babies on food. We play soccer. That is the difference.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is the difference.

[Andrew Schultz]

And we're all going to hell. We're going to see him down there. Hey, guys, we'll see you soon. Oh, wait.

[Ari Shaffir]

We.

[Mark Normand]

We have to cut it out, cuz it's graphic.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's just like. No one wants to hear this. Oh yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I thought it was going to.

[Ari Shaffir]

You have to. It's up to you.

[Mark Normand]

I thought you were going to like confess a crime or something. I thought you were going to say you did it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

I thought you be like, really?

[Andrew Schultz]

So I gave up baseball.

[Ari Shaffir]

All bounce funny. I couldn't put my finger. But it wasn't taking true bounces, just funny hops.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Every time. Every time it's a goal, it's like, stop.

[Mark Normand]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why did you stop yourself? Stop my stuff. Quit. Stop. So that was an interesting thing to face. Like what I had heard about a place.

[Andrew Schultz]

We don't know the evils that were transpiring at the time. What we're hearing is gang activity and we have our own too. Tough on crime. Exactly.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Andrew Schultz]

And what their justification is, is literally we didn't have a country anymore. Every young man was in a gang and they were doing the absolutely most insane ever. And then this guy comes around, he has the courage to fight it despite, you know, putting his life on the line. And you hope that it wouldn't devolve into another abuse of power in the way that the. The cartels are abusing power. That's the idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. But also. Right. But it's so much that it doesn't matter. But then I think, okay, so like, remember when like, like I'll get to like vaccine shit. Remember those commercials, like, sponsored by Pfizer, sponsored by Fizer, sponsored by Pfizer, where you see all the news and you're like, oh, and the news is the one pushing. You have to get these.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. It seems like they're.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's like, okay, I see where their vested interest in this of making me think I need this thing right or wrong. I see why they want me to think it.

[Mark Normand]

Of course.

[Ari Shaffir]

So what is it about the media here that got me into my head thinking this Guy's evil. What. What are they gaining by that?

[Andrew Schultz]

So this is interesting.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I don't. I don't know, but it's. These aren't my own. I didn't do the research to come up with that. It was given to me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Right. And what do you think it is?

[Ari Shaffir]

Because it's not possible. They're doing deals with China and they go, no, we want in there.

[Andrew Schultz]

So I didn't hear anything about. I didn't hear anything negative about him. I thought he was actually celebrated, to be honest. Like, early on, when he first started. Started. No, when he first started, I heard a lot of celebrations around him. Oh, Bukele is his name, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then I remember there were certain things happening. Like, remember he, like, took a big stake in bitcoin or something or made.

[Ari Shaffir]

He tried to make the country go bitcoin. He's only concerned with helping other countries. So if we. They were using the US Dollar, right. Which is like Ecuador does a lot of countries do Cambodia.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But like. And somebody. I think a bitcoin guy reached out to him on Twitter and goes, let me help your currency. You should destabilize it or whatever it's called and go with that. I'm listening. Yeah, come down, let's meet.

[Andrew Schultz]

And maybe that threatens, like, American hegemon,

[Ari Shaffir]

where they talk about the gold standard shit that I don't understand.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. But like, it seems to me that, you know, if he's.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then he talks to Trump, which the liberals will go, how dare you? Yeah, but this guy, by the way, right now, he goes, open a business here, no taxes, zero.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

For like five years until we revisit. And we won't ever backpack just open.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's the tricky thing with the investment, I imagine, in any place in the third world, which is like, how can I ensure the safety? It's just the risk. It's not even Third World. It's like, I'd love to open a restaurant in, you know, downtown or what's it called? The south side of Chicago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Downtown Beirut.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Sebastian. Sebastian. Downtown Beirut.

[Mark Normand]

I think it's two things where Americans have such a, like, premium on freedom that, oh, this person gets locked up because their uncle was in a gang. Goes against, like, the ethos. But then in addition to that, I think any type of, like, authoritarian strawman in Central America, really, around the world that doesn't have, like, absolute fealty to America.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Gets a bad rap either through a coup or through a media campaign.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it could be that for sure. To stay not using the dollar. Yeah, it could be a lot of stuff.

[Andrew Schultz]

We also don't want that trend to continue in America. Right. It's like we want this guy to. All of a sudden one guy takes total control and the country starts doing amazing and then you don't want Americans. That kind of sounds like a good idea.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schultz]

So yeah, that's.

[Ari Shaffir]

But it's interesting. It's interesting going to these places and like this isn't what I heard.

[Andrew Schultz]

So the feeling was, was love and support. And it wasn't love and support out of fear, like if I say something bad I could get arrested. It was love and support out of. We have a way of life now.

[Mark Normand]

Did you talk to people whose family members were unfairly arrested? Like, did you hear any of those stories? Yeah, like, oh, my cousin got jammed

[Ari Shaffir]

up and it wasn't his fault. So Jorge has a lot of tattoos. This guy gives stores and he goes, I get harassed, I get strip searched. That is annoying.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's the cost.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's beyond annoying. It's. I'm trying to do my day. I assume it's kind of like if you have a nice car, maybe not in New York, but from what I remember in college, it was like, I'm black, I have a nice car. I can't make movies on time cuz there's a chance I get pulled over.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They used to have like stop and frisk here like crazy and I used to get pulled over all the time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And after a while you're like, like. And that's the, the resistance. We're like, get off me. Like, oh, you up. And that's the 10th time.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And so that's annoying for him. But he wasn't there watching some of this terrible stuff.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, he moved there.

[Ari Shaffir]

His parents sent him away to Guatemala.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

So he came back in his 20s, by the way, side effect of no man between 20 and 40 a ton.

[Andrew Schultz]

So that was the other thing I was going to ask. They said that about Russia Post World War II, like 25 million dudes or whatever get murdered, die war or whatever.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're like, I'm not committing.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, they said that like every dude would have five or six chicks and he could be an absolute alcoholic and the women just had to put up.

[Mark Normand]

It's like one to two. I mean like, I think like a quarter of the population dies.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What happens to the population now that

[Ari Shaffir]

you men, they get weird.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's going to.

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, sometimes there's a sexual revolution.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Andrew Schultz]

Cuz the chick's got to be a little bit more open or else you're never going to have a guy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Two things can happen. This is just like Germany and Japan facing the horrors that happened in World War II. So Germany, they're looking at their music and their styles went very industrial dance like this now, you know, in like warehouses. Japan went into. If you could kill a million people in a second. They went fetal. They went feral. Not feral. So childlike.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They love hello Kitty. They do that where it's like we can't be adults in this world. World.

[Andrew Schultz]

Whoa.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's definitely with the women there. When I was in, when I was in, in Japan, I noticed that I was like, oh, there's no, there's no, there's no like elegance. There's cutesy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cutesy. Right.

[Andrew Schultz]

Women are cutesy, but they're not like. There's no like 34 year old, beautiful, elegant woman that you see. It's just teenage tiny. And then like grandmas, there's this gap. And I don't know if like it is weird because if you're like a 20 year old dude, like are you kind of into this?

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you become into it then?

[Andrew Schultz]

It is odd.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What about all the broken homes? Because like now you have a bunch of houses where no dad's there and stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

What are the girls acting like in El Salvador? Yeah, I didn't really, I didn't really meet many locals in El Salvador. Hung out with like a German couple. I didn't really meet. I didn't really meet locals there. A couple, but like, not really.

[Andrew Schultz]

That is the thing that happens when you're traveling is like, even when you meet the people who live there, they're kind of like you in that they're a little bit outsiders as well. Did you find this like when I lived in Spain? Like all of my friends, they were from Spain, but it was like, it was like his dad was the first black dude in San Sebastian.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's why he'd be friends with you. He's like.

[Andrew Schultz]

Because he's like, I'm a little bit of an outsider here too. So you can. You end up kind of connecting with the people who are going through the experience in the same way way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where'd you live in Spain?

[Andrew Schultz]

Took a year off college.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting gap year. Good idea.

[Mark Normand]

What's your pickup line when you're trying to make friends? Like if you're, if you're like traveling alone and you want to not be alone, what do you do?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So if you go through like loneliness and Then, like, social. Loneliness and social. So one weapon I have is that I have some minor level of fame, and I didn't get recognized a lot, but when I do at a hostel, it's crazy. It's a weapon. I'm like, we're going in Peru. This guy was like. This New Zealand guy was like, you could tell when somebody recognized you. It's like. And then I saw him do that. I'm like, fine, whatever. But I was also feeling like, I'm lonely.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he goes, what's your name? Like, you know what my fucking name is. Yeah. Yeah. And he's like, what are you doing here? I'm like, I heard there's some New Zealand pedophiles that I gotta find. Like, get me a drink. And he's like, all right. And now it's like, you know that night. That night, he's got Australian friends. We're doing blow in the bathroom, and it's like, let's go.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That's funny. I'm surprised they're not sad for you. Like, what are you doing at a hostel?

[Andrew Schultz]

That's why they're not clapping.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

This guy's weird.

[Ari Shaffir]

I thought, damn, if you can't afford a hotel, that's the upside for us.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, boy.

[Ari Shaffir]

I love hostels. They're so fun. It's just other travelers talk about where else they've been. Like, Bolivia. I was like, I don't go to Bolivia. And everyone you meet in Guatemala was like, no, Bolivia rules. Did you do the.

[Andrew Schultz]

What is that? Salt flats?

[Ari Shaffir]

Uni. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

What is it called?

[Ari Shaffir]

The uni. Salt flats.

[Andrew Schultz]

Uni. Salt flats, yeah. What is it?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, what is that?

[Mark Normand]

Can we get a pig?

[Ari Shaffir]

It looks like. It looks like snow. Yeah, it looks like a snow. It's salt that has come up.

[Mark Normand]

Look at this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

So the. And there's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that's when it rains. So when it rains. I didn't go in that season. It's just sheer. It looks like a glass and a

[Andrew Schultz]

perfect reflection of the sky.

[Ari Shaffir]

But all the ground is. And all the water. See the grid over there? Looks like a soccer ball, right? So the water's trying to escape, and it comes up in these, like, grid. But it's just for forever. Oh, wow. I mean, my miles and miles.

[Mark Normand]

They love soccer, bro.

[Andrew Schultz]

So wait. And what do you do there? Because it's. It's like, what, four hours, six hours?

[Ari Shaffir]

I stayed in a salt hotel. The walls are lickable, no? Yeah. Yeah. Like, everything is carved out of salt.

[Andrew Schultz]

And do you think there's some guy who jerks off on the wall. Like, man, when someone licks.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know there was one. Every hotel Alex stays in is a soldier. I actually know that there was that.

[Andrew Schultz]

That.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. Okay.

[Andrew Schultz]

Sol.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Solit. You just. You go on these hikes, you. You bike over it. It's just like cool to see.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. There's no like culture. They just like mine it. It's Sal.

[Mark Normand]

People live out there. It's a tourist thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, they did for a while and then like they mine it for commerce. And now they're like, it's also a tourist thing. Cuz it is like pretty. There's an island on it. So it comes up and it's like cacti. And then like it just looks like snow. And also the distance effect is weird. So you can take pictures like that. See that chick on the right? So you can't tell how far everything is.

[Andrew Schultz]

God. Because it's so flat.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I took pictures. All I had with me was Burt's shoes. So I took a picture with these giant Burt shoes with me leaning on them. Yeah. I gotta send them to you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Isn't that weird? And they're just like further.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wow, that's sick.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's. They're fun to take.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. The rest of Bolivia. How was the rest of Bolivia?

[Ari Shaffir]

Sick.

[Andrew Schultz]

This your first time to Bolivia?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You've been?

[Andrew Schultz]

No, but it's been a place I wanted to check out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Very interesting culture. I was there when they like got rid of their leader. Dude, I was in two places where they got rid of their leader while I was there.

[Andrew Schultz]

The Bolivia.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was in Abank. I was in a nothing town.

[Andrew Schultz]

He's mass.

[Mark Normand]

Happened to be in all these countries where twos happen.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's how you don't go to Nicaragua.

[Ari Shaffir]

Would have been three countries.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I just came back from Venezuela.

[Mark Normand]

What kind of CIA office is crazy?

[Andrew Schultz]

You were in South America while all this shit went down?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I was in the city that the president was from when they got rid of her.

[Andrew Schultz]

Got rid of means what, there's some form of a.

[Ari Shaffir]

It wasn't. No, it wasn't like pitchforks.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

And so. Which was interesting. And then that same city was a nothing town I was trying to ameliorate. Is that right? To Cusco. To get rid of. Get used to the altitude and you stop in a town one day. Yeah, yeah. They're like, she's from here. And they got rid of her because she wasn't hard enough on crime. They saw what Bukele was doing.

[Andrew Schultz]

We Want that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, yeah. How come we're. How come our fucking bus drivers are getting murdered by Venezuelan gangs?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because you can't fucking do anything. They shake down these bus drivers for, like, a buck a day, but they're like, that's killing me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

One bus driver said, no, I'm not paying you guys anymore. They just like, well, we got to kill you. Massive protests in the streets. And then they got rid of. And then the leader of Congress took over. And then you could ask questions, and I'm like, why was it a leader of Congress you don't have, like, vice presidency? I just, like, want to know about their system. And they go, no, no. She was the vice president. We got rid of the president a year ago. She was the vice president. She took over. We got rid of her. It was like, they just go, we're done with you. They have power down there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Kind of cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

The people have power.

[Andrew Schultz]

I mean, that is democracy in action.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're so crooked everywhere, but the people can do stuff.

[Andrew Schultz]

And the people are aware of how crooked it is, yet they don't accept it. Whereas in other parts of the world, they know that the government is crooked. They just kind of accept this as the status quo.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is why on Australia, they just do blow and get drunk. Because we know it's crooked, so why

[Andrew Schultz]

the fuck are we gonna.

[Ari Shaffir]

Here. We still think we have a chance to change it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

When we don't there, they're like, we know we don't. Let's. Let's drink.

[Mark Normand]

The standard of living is good enough.

[Andrew Schultz]

I guess that's right. That's. I think that's the difference. It's like, if the standard of living isn't good enough, you're like, well, if we're gonna suffer, we might as well fight this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

If there's cocaine, that's just good enough.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And the weather's perfect every single day. And I can go to the beach, and everybody's in. Good. What am I going to bitch about the government for?

[Ari Shaffir]

So I was taking some Spanish class in the north, and the guy at the end of class every day, he goes, let's talk about. Let's use your Spanish and talk about the culture here so we can actually put your Spanish into play every, like, month or so. I'm like, let me take a couple days class so I can get by better. Yeah. I'd say, like, I'm hitting a wall in my conversation. This isn't fun. Yeah. Let me stop. And he was talking about the government. He goes, trump's your guy, right? I'm like, yeah. He goes, everybody thinks he's crooked. I'm like, yeah. He goes, so there he controls Congress, the Senate maybe, but he doesn't control the media. Here they also control the media. So you can't even find out. Do you know about the protests that are happening now? I'm like, no. He goes, right, exactly. Why not? You could only find out on TikTok or Instagram.

[Andrew Schultz]

And they don't. What, not sanction those? They don't shut those down or they don't.

[Ari Shaffir]

I guess it's like outside, they don't control it. So. Yeah, right.

[Andrew Schultz]

They can just not allow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they cannot allow, like China, but they don't. But interesting. So it's like a different thing. So in Bolivia, they had a guy for 20 years and what he did was he said, farmers are more important. He ran the media too. They run the media. He goes, farmers are more important to our society than city folk.

[Andrew Schultz]

We've heard this one before.

[Ari Shaffir]

So he goes, I'm giving farmers a 2 to 1 vote over city folk. Now, city folk could see the problems with their country. Farmers are just getting it from the radio, which is run by the government who's saying, everything's great. So they're going, no, this guy's great. Everything's really nice. There's no crime.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then they couldn't outvote the two to one rural people. Wow. And then finally it did. And I was in Bolivia, in Sucre, and there were all these streets. It was just cool to be in these places.

[Andrew Schultz]

It was still currently 2 to 1 while you were there. And then they overthrew.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I was. I was like, why are these streets blocked off? They're like inauguration. And I'm like, oh, what do you mean? They're like the new guys taking over right now. Now. And I'm like, when? Like, you want to go? I'm like, yeah, I want to go. And I saw him get inaugurated, this new guy, and everyone was crying and like, it's really cool, it's fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

And what did. What do they. Sorry, go, Mark.

[Mark Normand]

No. Could you like, sense the hope? Like, was everyone just so they're like,

[Ari Shaffir]

finally we got out of this. It wasn't like us four years, eight years, whatever. Like they 20 years. If you're 30, you've never. You don't remember him not being the guy.

[Andrew Schultz]

The guy's in charge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Two decades. Decades.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. So when they see you there in Bolivia. Yeah. You're six, two,

[Ari Shaffir]

six, two and a half.

[Andrew Schultz]

All right, so you're six, three. You're bearded. Are you bearded up?

[Ari Shaffir]

So I, I. So I shaved my beard. I had a layover in Mexico City. I shaved everything at the Mexico City lounge. You ever, dude, pro tip. Use the shower in those lounges.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you're at a layover, you refreshed. Yeah, they had one. I was like, hook it up. And then I just shaved everything. I took a shaved.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, so you shaved clean.

[Ari Shaffir]

You went clean. And then. I haven't touched it since then.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

So that beard, Bolivia would have been probably two months of beard.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, so you have a little something

[Ari Shaffir]

probably about maybe that level.

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm just trying to understand how they're interpreting you. Are they thinking you're a local in any way, shape or form?

[Ari Shaffir]

Sucre is a language class town.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

A lot of people go there, and so they're used to some whites. Got it. It's not that isolationist like El.

[Andrew Schultz]

But they're. They're seeing you as white because I think a lot of the misconception that I think a lot of Americans have of South America is that it's no white people. Where it's like, there are tons.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tons of whites.

[Andrew Schultz]

Tons of whites. There's.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's immigration for years and years.

[Andrew Schultz]

Exactly. So is there any point in time where they're kind of seeing you?

[Ari Shaffir]

There's little Italies. There's like, little everything. They all, like, pull up, but there's no Germans. Tons.

[Andrew Schultz]

You're an outsider to them every single time. There's no part where they start to. You kind of start to flow seamlessly.

[Ari Shaffir]

No. I was at some point, like, if you go. They're like, I don't know. You dress. There's stuff. You don't even notice you're dressing different. You can't put your finger on it. They can tell.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Here in New York, Steve, Backdoor Steve told me, because you could tell a tourist, they look up instead of forward or down. And also instead of in the winter, instead of wearing a big coat, they wear layers of smaller things because they

[Andrew Schultz]

don't have it where they're from.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So they don't think they're a bigger tourist. Like, I'm dressed like a local, but, like, we don't do this as rats. We don't do this. We learn the hard way.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I'm sure they queue it, like, cluing into little things. But no, sometimes you're, like, really getting a cool conversation with people and, like, come friendly and, like, it's fun. I don't know any.

[Andrew Schultz]

Any touristy you saw that blew your mind and you're like, this is touristy, but is so worth it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Iguazu Falls.

[Andrew Schultz]

Iguazu Falls. Where is it?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's in the argent Argentina Brazil border and Paraguay is right there too. Border. Yeah, it's. It's Niagara's a dick compared to this.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh my.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And they have these walkways that are built out over. I mean they go crazy.

[Andrew Schultz]

You built out over.

[Ari Shaffir]

So see the top? You can walk on those. They built out sides falling into.

[Andrew Schultz]

Holy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, so they have. See that. See the walkway?

[Andrew Schultz]

No. Oh, on the right side. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So that's like a. A 20 minute walk over the water that, you know, people died making cuz there's a current like of course. And like.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, it looks like Avatar.

[Mark Normand]

I'm.

[Ari Shaffir]

They don't have Mexicans to offer up, so that was their home, you know. Yeah, it looks like Avatar. It was. It was really cool. Holy. But.

[Andrew Schultz]

But Chinese. What do you mean?

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean? They're the ones.

[Andrew Schultz]

Tell me about.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pushy, shrill. There's a line for the flags.

[Andrew Schultz]

They got the flags.

[Ari Shaffir]

The pictures.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. It's like, why?

[Ari Shaffir]

Why can I hear you from that far? You're talking to someone next to you. What is this? There was like a viewpoint and we had a line that just naturally formed like one at a time. And you see them inching, inching. And you're like, hey, hey, there's a line. And they go, yeah, yeah. Inching. They don't have the line.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's a British thing.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, the queue.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The queue is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you want to take that picture alone, that's one at a time. And Chinese are like, nah.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I mean they just got able to travel like 30 years ago.

[Andrew Schultz]

So they're learning about lines.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, it was like, okay, my grandparents were in a famine and then now I get to go sit down.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cuz she spoke out against mouth. Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schultz]

My other sister's a soccer ball.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Look at that walkway.

[Andrew Schultz]

It was. It was a soccer dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ours like. You need to cut this out. We already cut it out. Come on. We out here, baby. We out here. We doing jokes.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, there's some place like that. Machu Picchu.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you do the.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And. Okay, can you break it? So Machu Picchu, my understanding is that it's not like a. A day trip. This is a few days. You have to climb up to it. You have to stop it on.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you're old, you can take a train from Cusco Anyone can take a train from Cusco. It doesn't have to be old. But Ryan o', Neal, if you know him, is a comic. Yeah. He came to visit.

[Andrew Schultz]

So he met.

[Ari Shaffir]

I want to. Cuz I told everybody, like, if you want to come, if you was anything in all of Mexico down that you've wanted to do, let me know and I'll tell you when I'm going to be near there and I'll change my direction for you.

[Andrew Schultz]

And even though you changed your number and said you wouldn't contact anybody, but that's really normal. Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, you think? I know. They really cash me up on the thing. I wrote their fucking numbers down and I piece of paper and I said, tell them what you are. I'll tell you. I'll reach out then. Okay, dick licker, I'm attacking your friends. Come out. I come in here. You're my last friend here. Okay. Okay.

[Andrew Schultz]

So Ryan goes down. Ryan goes down immediately. Text Ryan from. This is hilarious. You text Ryan from a random number. He trusts that it's you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Nobody else tried to prank him. Like that's a hilarious prank. Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I found, I found Sol Volcano's number.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I go, I go, I knew what his birthday was. And I. From Ryan, I was like, give me Sal's number. And I, I said, happy birthday from Bolivia. And. And no response. And then another one, another one. And then we're just like, this is fun now. I was on WhatsApp. So then I was texting him every like two, three weeks. Updates that I knew he'd get way later. He's just not checking these.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then I finally got through to him and he's like, why don't you write me like, bro, I wrote you every two weeks. And he goes where? I'm like, what? They go, WhatsApp. And then he went and looked and he goes, oh, I. Dude, I saw Happy Birthday from Bolivia. And I go, instant block. He goes, there's. I didn't read the rest. There's no way. That's not spam block. That number.

[Andrew Schultz]

I love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay, so Ryan meets you down there. You guys decide to go to Machu Picchu.

[Ari Shaffir]

Five day hike salon, Tike Pass.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. There's a different version where you don't have to do the hike, but even then, don't you have to like stop at a city at the base?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, there's a.

[Andrew Schultz]

This is not a day trip place is what I'm basically trying to say.

[Mark Normand]

You got to get tickets. So you Got to plan.

[Ari Shaffir]

You got to get tickets. That's the only reason we had to plan that ahead, because it's so. I think since COVID it's so packed that you have to, like, get a specific day pass ahead. Pro tip number two, what was the other pro tip? Take the shower at the lounge.

[Andrew Schultz]

Shower at the lounge.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pro tip number two, Bribe any of them to go on whatever tour you want. Yeah, they sell you tour. One or two or three. One or two or three. And then ab for each one. And you want to go. I think 2A is the one with the iconic viewpoint a little. Yeah. So me and o' Neill were like. We're like, let's see what's up here. We're not supposed to go here, but let's go. And some guy's like, hey, hey, can I see your pass? And we're like, yeah, there goes you. First of all, it's closed for the season. Second of all, your pass doesn't even work here anyway. And we're like, okay. And he goes, but do you want to go? I was like, I don't even know

[Andrew Schultz]

what this is, dude. I love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't even know what this is. But I was like, kind of. And he goes. And then one of his friends starts yelling, and I'm like, oh. He's telling him how much? Yeah, but they're talking catch. So I'm like, I'm not sure or whatever's there. So I'm like, 20. And he goes, go, come back. 20 is $4.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, 20 their dollars.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And I was like, I don't want to go too high. And he goes, go back. And we were out on this Inca bridge by ourselves for like, an hour and a half, smoking a joint with the most beautiful viewpoint. Just me and o'. Neal. Wow. Having a blast.

[Andrew Schultz]

You don't have pictures of this?

[Ari Shaffir]

I can send you some. We for sure do.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

That's so cool. What do you mean?

[Andrew Schultz]

When you mean Inca bridge? You're saying a bridge that they built

[Ari Shaffir]

builds there's to escape the Spaniards.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's on this back way to Machu Picchu, and they had. It's pretty cool. The Incas are wild with architecture. So they have this bridge. So it's all this, like, on a mountain, there's, like, ledge they built with, like, stones over. The slave built. Yeah. So see that? I thought it was decrepit. It's not that bridge thing. They run away. If you run to the right, that's away. And then it swings out. So no one can follow.

[Andrew Schultz]

Follow you that, that middle thing. They can make swing out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So then they just pull that away. Anyone following? And this is. That's not. That's all stones.

[Andrew Schultz]

So they build that up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Remarkable.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Andrew Schultz]

Unbelievable.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay, so you're on that bridge.

[Ari Shaffir]

So we're. We're like.

[Andrew Schultz]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean we're like here. Whatever. This isn't good video. But like we're. Oh yeah. Wait, what was the last one? Yeah, we're about there. Oh, no, we went around. So we went around there. So that's during the season. And it was just us. Dude. It was so fucking cool. And just got. And that is the place to get stoned. With a view from the area.

[Andrew Schultz]

Hold on one second. Are they stacking those stones that we're looking at? From how far below?

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know. A mile and a half.

[Andrew Schultz]

Get the.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't know. Far. Pretty far.

[Andrew Schultz]

Holy shit.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

And that was their escape route when they were getting attacked.

[Andrew Schultz]

So that, I mean, it's crazy.

[Mark Normand]

But also if you see Machu Picchu, you're like, the whole thing is crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

The whole thing's crazy. Have you been like. No.

[Mark Normand]

Seen pictures and just read about. It's just the most insane thing ever.

[Andrew Schultz]

The. The reason why Machu Pizu is so impressive is because of the altitude. Right. It's like getting that rock up there. It's not like you, like you've seen pyramids that are more remarkable.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh yeah. I got a picture of me like Butt o' Neal right in front of this view. Fire. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Fire.

[Ari Shaffir]

Need that one. Write all these down. I got. I got to find out on my elf.

[Andrew Schultz]

But like the structures that you're seeing there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Are they remain. Remain.

[Ari Shaffir]

The ink architectures.

[Andrew Schultz]

They remain. What I'm saying, it's not like the pyramids in Giza or whatever.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Schultz]

Like in terms of size and structure.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's little homes.

[Andrew Schultz]

But what's fascinating is that they were able to get all that stone up to this altitude. This is a five day hike. Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I mean, they did. So you know when you have a friend that says we built a. We built a deck on our. And like who did they enslave? Guatemalans did that for you or whatever. This is like no slaves.

[Andrew Schultz]

So Incas, they didn't build. So Incas are getting credit for. Got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

But they're arguing where you can't get out. You can't get a piece of paper through these rocks even like hundreds of years later or a couple hundred years Later.

[Mark Normand]

Perfectly designed, earthquake proof.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Christians always put facades in front of like Jesus stuff. Every earthquake, the facade falls. The original structure remains. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Motorcycle Diaries is all that like. Look at Cusco. It's. It's been destroyed. Destroyed by. By earthquakes so many times. Except for the Inca structures. Yeah. Stay up.

[Mark Normand]

Those ones have been around.

[Andrew Schultz]

Do you talk to anybody about that? Was there any like expert in architecture and explains why.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm sure I didn't really. I mean, I honestly. I don't believe you mean something.

[Andrew Schultz]

I forgot it.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I never learned it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was smoking reefer in a beautiful place.

[Andrew Schultz]

Four day hike up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Intense or five days? Four nights.

[Andrew Schultz]

Nights.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. Very intense. KO Let it turn back from altitude poisoning.

[Andrew Schultz]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. One just started throwing up.

[Andrew Schultz]

You didn't get sick at all.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay. So about 30 minutes before the end of the pass where it's the highest point, I started hallucinating.

[Andrew Schultz]

Let's go.

[Ari Shaffir]

No way.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, tell me what kind of hinat.

[Ari Shaffir]

What. What kind of h. I'm seeing and I'm like. And like. I mean, you know when you do drugs and you're like if the first time you're like, is that real? And then you're like, oh, I've done. That's not real. But I know I'm seeing. If you're on mushrooms and you're seeing. Yeah. Rocks. There's no trees up there because past the tree line. But I'm like, I don't want them to make me turn back. So I can't tell them.

[Andrew Schultz]

Do you tell Ryan?

[Ari Shaffir]

Ryan's a lunatic. He ran up it. He's full on tardo. He's like, I'm feeling great. My girl is saying too then. Yeah. And I'm just like. Just like. Yeah. But I'm like, I. I can see it, but it's very hard. The air gets thinner and thinner.

[Mark Normand]

What about the coca leaf? Are people ripping that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that was great. You've been eating coca leaf.

[Andrew Schultz]

It feel. What does it feel like?

[Ari Shaffir]

Just get kind of juiced.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Coffee didn't. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Didn't know later co a tea. Pour hot water of it that it's that much of a stimulant. I thought it was just altitude. So drink it at night and just like, ah. It's a daytime thing.

[Andrew Schultz]

But you can imagine why people. It's a spiritual place, right. If every time they're climbing up, they all of a sudden start to get these visions. Exactly. I'm talking to the gods. Something magical has happened up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So Some people have to turn back. They just start barfing, and they just get balloons blue. And they're like, you gotta get them down now. There's no air. And they're reacting wrong.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But then, like, during the hike up, where are you stopping? Like, are there places to.

[Andrew Schultz]

Actually, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So there's, like, lodges. Some people just. Some people just do tent on their back and then do it themselves. Warriors do that. Like, and I met some people. Some. A French couple that was doing it, and I'm like, what? By the way, you don't have to prepare for this. So I can't. I'm not. I'm. I'm with a backpack.

[Andrew Schultz]

So they have food for you at the lodges and stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

Really interesting. Like. Like, food they make in a fire, like, underground. Like, they have this. They build this. It's like fire. And they put everything in, like, stones on it. Yeah. And they put clay pots and then they bury it. Puts hay on top of that. And it was like, succulent chick. Like, really good.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. What is it? The. The luau? Yeah, yeah. Kind of like that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's crazy. They do that in Hawaii, and they're from, like, Asia pretty much. And they do that in. In Peru. Yeah, yeah, the same.

[Andrew Schultz]

Like, does the smoke get out?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, it's. It's packed in there.

[Andrew Schultz]

I wonder if it's. So you're not telling the ops where you are. Like, I'm being. I'm being facetious. But at the same time, like, if there's smoke, you have to cook discreetly.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

No predators and coming around.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

How do you plan out the path, like, to go? Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's groups that are like, we'll take you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, no, not just the hike. I'm talking about this entire. Like, are you just, like, winging it?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. So there's a couple things I'm like, I made a list. So every time I met anyone from knowing I'm gonna do this in, like, a year, anyone I met anyone from a place, I'm like, give me a recommendation. And they're like, oh, Buenos Aires. Like, no, no, Give me a bar. Give me a restaurant that you love. Give me, like, oh, what is a hike that you like?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

The way you would tell someone coming. You wouldn't go Empire State Building. You'd be like, oh, no. There's this place that does jazz on Wednesdays. You should check out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Gotcha.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, my neighborhood bagel place is the cut that. That's going to make me get made fun of.

[Mark Normand]

The.

[Ari Shaffir]

The baby Retake, retake, retake, retake. My neighbor out of my mouth, I knew was going to me

[Mark Normand]

attend my shul. You'll think it's very nice.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're not beating the allegations.

[Ari Shaffir]

Good boy. I met a guy in. Where was it? Myanmar. And he was like, I didn't want to bring my camera with me. This guy from, I think Seattle. And he's. Because I didn't want to be like a tourist. I was like, you're a 6 foot 2 white guy in bro. It's not the camera.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you give me specific recommendations.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So I was like, tell me something. Google map.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Dot. And anywhere I was near something, I'm like, why don't I go dot here. It was a rec from a local.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then boom.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're going to go to lifties. They're Argentinian or Chilean. When you're skiing Lifties. Yeah. Lift, lift. Workers ski lift.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, or people working, like the. The concessions.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You start talking to them, to donas. It opens up everything.

[Andrew Schultz]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then you're just like, give me something. Yeah. The first one was this sick. No electricity, beach in Uruguay. That was the first one outside the cellar. And then I got there towards the end and it was just like. So I would just have these places. So I had like 80, 100 places to go to, but I'm like, the only ones I got to go to is Machu Picchu.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I. And I want to. No, that was just on there. Wow. If I missed it, I missed it. So. So like I said. So if I'm going this way and then some happens here, I'm not like, well, I had plans. I don't have plans. If I got sick, I'll stay for another two days. I don't have to take an overnight bus while I'm barfing. This is.

[Andrew Schultz]

So were you. Were you. Oh, wait. So the only ones were Machu Picchu and one. What else?

[Ari Shaffir]

The. I wanted to get Carnival in Brazil. No. But when I was ending, I was like, hey, I'm ending and I'm in Brazil, early February. I'm like, oh, let's do it. Yeah. I'm going to stay for another couple weeks.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And. And like party out this great trip.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And like celebrate.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I did, I did. This is also very gay. But like I'm. I'm a hippie.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I did a solstice of solstice this trip. I went up to the tip top of Alaska for The summer solstice. 24 hours of sunlight.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Saw a polar bear, like, way out. But, like, we saw it. And the tour guide's like, like, all right, we're good. He's like, hey, actually, we got to

[Andrew Schultz]

get out of here. And me.

[Ari Shaffir]

And not quite. Don't go. Don't wander. Don't wander. Just see what he does. But don't. And then he was fine. He didn't come in too hard, but.

[Andrew Schultz]

But they. They're one of the few animals that hunt humans. Yeah, they want. They want humans.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You seen the video of the polar bear trying to get into the photograph? Same.

[Andrew Schultz]

He's in a glass case.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like.

[Andrew Schultz]

And that polar bear wants him bad. It's supposed to be bear proof.

[Mark Normand]

And it's like, creaking.

[Andrew Schultz]

And you can see him being like, who tested this? Yeah. I mean, here it is. This.

[Ari Shaffir]

And you can smell him. So he's like, yeah, that's a vending machine, bro.

[Mark Normand]

That's. That's terrifying.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, he's licking it.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, he full on. Gets a pop in there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Dude, he's. He's so heavy.

[Mark Normand]

And that's like a teenage polar bear. It's not even full blown.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Look, it's shaking. It's so heavy.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, that's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, my God. N. I'm out. Oh, my God. It's open.

[Mark Normand]

Dudish.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, look at that. Why does he have.

[Ari Shaffir]

But you're right. I know what you mean by y, but, yeah, you're right.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay, so you did.

[Ari Shaffir]

You'll never have to color correct this kind of video.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's. It's.

[Ari Shaffir]

Y' all so good in it, though.

[Mark Normand]

Your beautiful skin on the snow.

[Andrew Schultz]

All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. Okay. Let me ask you something real quick. How. How different do you feel when you actually look put together?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yep.

[Andrew Schultz]

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[Ari Shaffir]

There was a whale hunt celebration cuz like when they get one they're like sick.

[Andrew Schultz]

Where? Where is this?

[Ari Shaffir]

In. In Barrow. Also here's another one you face your it's called Barrow Alaska. They renamed it the indigenous name UK and everyone in Anchorage very liberal. It's like you're like because it's hard to pronounce so UK you're trying to pronounce it. It's not written easy to and Then you just go, I'll just say barrel. They go, it's. Have some rest. Okay, Sorry. Yeah. And then you get up there and there's this little tour of this nothing town. And the guy goes, welcome to. I'm not going to do the indigenous accent, but, like, do it, do it,

[Andrew Schultz]

do it, do it. He did the Chinese.

[Ari Shaffir]

Welcome to UKVJagvik. You can also call it Barrow. People call it Ukviaq. We call it Barrow because that's what we grew up with. But you're welcome to call it whatever you want.

[Andrew Schultz]

So they don't even call it.

[Mark Normand]

Is it the same with Mount McKinley? It's probably the same thing, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, they grew up in a town like, we're not renaming. You guys are renaming it for us. Thanks for protecting us whites from Anchorage. Yeah. So we were there for. Yeah, I was at that. That whale. That. That. Yeah. Oh, wow.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Took a polar bear plunge or whatever it's called. That's like.

[Mark Normand]

So, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So they start throwing everybody up on a. On a blanket to celebrate whale skin or whatever.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Give out pieces of blubber.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you eat at the. Yeah, it's called.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I tried it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Fuck. I follow this guy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You watch all these videos?

[Ari Shaffir]

Mukbuck? No, that's Mukbang.

[Mark Normand]

Mukbang.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Also delicious.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Was it good?

[Ari Shaffir]

Muktuk? Muk. What? Was it good? No, no.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did they love soy sauce?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I got. Yeah, I got warned. You should put it in mustard or soy sauce. It was just sauce that they put

[Andrew Schultz]

in and they cut it with that little curvy knife.

[Ari Shaffir]

Gives you every nutrient you need. Because, like, how do these people survive with no greens? It turns out that's got everything in it.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting. Have you seen the glasses that they wear?

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, yeah, they're sick.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tiny little thin ones, but, yeah. But they celebrate a successful whale hunt, and then everyone's out, and then eventually they go. They're doing the captain does it. The captain's wives do it. They throw out candy like a bar mitzvah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

They jump up and they throw out candy. And then eventually, like tourists, I'm like, okay. And you go up there and it's. I. I was like. They're like, ready? Keep your feet together. And I'm like. And then I just collapsed. I can't do it. But, yeah. So I was there for Solstice.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you did the other.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then I was there for Solstice.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow. And where was the southern one?

[Ari Shaffir]

Ushuaia is the southernmost city, but there's another town in. In Chile called Porter Williams.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who is trying to uproot Ushuaia as a southernmost city because they're like, well, it's this main city of this. Of this, like, state. And they're like, if you don't have 50,000, it's not a city. Now they have all these plans to get to 50,001 to uproot Ushuaia as the southernmost city and kill their tourism.

[Andrew Schultz]

I love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. They're building all this everywhere.

[Andrew Schultz]

Capitalism wins.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're down there.

[Andrew Schultz]

And what is their solstice celebration?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's not 24 hours of sunlight. It's wet. It's like the level of like, so Scotland, but to the south. Oh, yeah. Like Ed. So it's like, it's not nearly as far, but there's penguins, which is cool.

[Andrew Schultz]

Fire.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. They would just have babies. So you, like, see all these, like,

[Andrew Schultz]

baby penguins, but like, fun party vibes, like an exciting moment, or just really just party vibes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not for that.

[Mark Normand]

What was the most dangerous thing that happened throughout the whole trip?

[Ari Shaffir]

I got. I bought weed from the wrong guy in Medine.

[Andrew Schultz]

Uhoh.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he kind of ruined my trip for a couple weeks.

[Andrew Schultz]

Why?

[Ari Shaffir]

It just.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Colombia is getting kind of bad again.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's getting bad again?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, bro. I kind of felt that, man.

[Mark Normand]

A little.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Last time I went, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And it was like, when.

[Ari Shaffir]

How long ago was this mine?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Just four years ago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I went.

[Andrew Schultz]

I went a couple. And it was. We weren't in Medim.

[Mark Normand]

Where we go Cartagena.

[Andrew Schultz]

And it was. We were like in this, like, old city area. And I know people got to make money, etc, but it felt like the second we walked out of the house, they were like guys coming up and like, rapping for us for money. And then somebody trying to sell you somebody. And it was one of those things where you're. It's like, these guys got to eat. I totally get it. But I wonder if you're the government, if. If you have a way of explaining, hey, if we can make this a tourist trap for Americans and Europeans to come here, there's going to be so many more jobs that you guys are going to make so much more money.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

But it's also selecting the wrong type,

[Andrew Schultz]

which is the problem.

[Ari Shaffir]

So the gang members, like, stick this piece. People who work.

[Mark Normand]

It creates a ton of inequality. But also that type of tourism, like sex tourism, which is like a huge part of it. Yeah, like.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, that's. Yeah, you're right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like in Medellin, they said all the real deep crime was, you're buying drugs or you're buying women. Yeah. Did you go just tourism.

[Mark Normand]

They're like, they leave and probably doing both. Entering into their doing drugs.

[Andrew Schultz]

That is the problem when it, yeah, when it becomes sex tourism, like there is this and I don't know if it's changing, but like Costa Rica did a really good thing where like they built their tourism community around daytime activities. They're like, hey, we do not want people to go, hey, at night it's boring here. Don't come hang out. It's horrible. Just go to sleep. They really try. And then when you don't have to do at night, there's not as much of a need for coke. And when there's no need for coke, you don't have a cartel. And when there's no cartel, it's safe for business.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Andrew Schultz]

And.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But doesn't Costa Rica have like that red light district area?

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm sure they have a version of process.

[Ari Shaffir]

We do it in a certain area, figure it out. They figured it out and it might

[Andrew Schultz]

be getting worse, but like it is a thing. Like if you build your economy around sex tourism, you're going to bring like the most. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Colombians I met, I met a Colombian in the north and we were talking about every fourth person in this hostel either got robbed or had a friend get robbed in daylight sometimes. And she goes, it's going back all the Columbus. We can feel it, it got safe. And we can all feel it going back to the 80s.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, fuck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That was a dude of mine. He met a girl off Tinder and then it was like a setup. Like she drugged them and then took all this.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

So all the Airbnbs in, in in Colombia and Brazil too actually are like, we need to see the, the passports of everyone who's going to be here. They're like, you're not bringing hookers to our place.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

It just brings crime.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Like either the hooker wake up, move and they're like. And like. And as they're robbing you and you're

[Mark Normand]

like, yeah, the comes through and he wants to get an extra thing. The guys being predatory with the, the woman not paying in, like it just is a headache.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah, it's a bummer. Cuz Colombia is cool as hell.

[Ari Shaffir]

So cool.

[Andrew Schultz]

And the people.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, the people are the best in the world.

[Mark Normand]

But yeah, I just think it creates like rot.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Any spiritual stuff, like any ayahuasca?

[Ari Shaffir]

I had the best mushroom trip of my life.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why it was and where I'll tell you all this off air that the place I don't want to ruin.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. Can you.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was.

[Andrew Schultz]

Just describe it without saying it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay, I'll tell you like, I got, I got. So the end. The show. The end. And I was logged down with everything and I had these.

[Andrew Schultz]

This, by the way, real quick.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Because I know Ari will not plug so I will do it for him.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll get plugged.

[Andrew Schultz]

Ari's bringing back his infamous storytelling show the End. He's going direct consumer. He's got the biggest names in stand up comedy that are all doing stories on it. And it's available for pre sale right now. So you can buy it at arish.com

[Ari Shaffir]

by arishvir.com or the end. Ymhstudios.com and ymh studios.com it's unbelievable.

[Andrew Schultz]

Some new names. Shane, Nate, Barotzi.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hinchcliff. Hinchcliff Stephano. Norman, Robert, Kelly, Sam Talent. You were invited and refused.

[Andrew Schultz]

I, I did not ref. I, I, I, we talked about this already.

[Ari Shaffir]

You actually said yes.

[Andrew Schultz]

I literally am watching you guys edit it here and I'm like, h, I should have does. I literally just filmed the special and you called me and asked and I was like, I want to do it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then I thought, I, I have so much respect for the show because this is, you know, the show. Okay. The history of the show, obviously, which I'd love to talk about once we finish going over your travels. But like, I was like, I want to have a really good story.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, you're on. You're honoring it. Like, I'm not doing a half ass job on this.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, because you can one. Everybody's bringing their. It's Saturday night at the Cellar. You know, you're not just going, hey, this is my whatever joke. You're bringing your A game. This your best story. And I'd spent two years telling like the most important story of my life and I'm literally going, what can I tell?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, right? You don't want to be like that. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And, and I didn't want to go, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do a story that's not coming to me just to make it funny for this thing. Anyway, I huge regret. I wish I was part of it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, yeah, but, but you gotta do. But I mean that some guys were doing like, like Sagura went up to Sam Talon afterwards. It goes. That was amazing, dude. I'm watching Roy Wood now in the editing and I'm like, I'm A weak comic compared to him. It's just like. And then some of the greats from. From this is not happening. Ms. Pat Ali, big J. Yeah. Like Legends of the show came back and was just like.

[Andrew Schultz]

Anyway, it's a whole season, by the way. It's not just one drop.

[Ari Shaffir]

Seven one hour episodes.

[Mark Normand]

Wow, that's awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

Prologue that I don't want to mention is gonna. You would you love that? And that's free also.

[Andrew Schultz]

Anyway, this is awesome. What you said. Bargazi.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bargazi came.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, no, I know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

But anyway, I just think it's really awesome that you're doing it. You're also doing it on your terms. And like the story about you starting the show, it being taken away from you unfairly, I think very unfairly. And then you. Yeah, I think so.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. There's enough time. It's like when your chick in 11th grade cheats on you and now you're married with kids. You're like, I mean, it was wrong to do that. But I'm not still angry. No, no, no.

[Andrew Schultz]

I don't think you have resentment or anything like that.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But I think talk about the story because I don't know what happened.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then maybe we can go back to some of the travels because I still have questions about that. It's worth talking about this. Okay, let's just start about the inception of the show.

[Ari Shaffir]

Section of the show was me and Eric Abrams.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The director of all my stuff. Yeah. Were. I was at his house on Thanksgiving and I. I think I. I forget who was first.

[Andrew Schultz]

How many years.

[Ari Shaffir]

This was 2009.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was telling him a mushroom story and then he was telling me a mushroom story. And then. And then I think it was me first him. It doesn't matter. And then I was talking about a Nick Kroll mushroom story that I heard through Renaissi.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then I was like, you know, dude. And he was the assistant booker to Joel who ran the Florida improvs. He'd taken over the main improv and I was doing nothing in my career. I mean, it wasn't like I was. I hadn't even had a chance. We were Comedy Store guys, and Comedy Store was not what it is now. It was. Agents wouldn't go there. It was a failure place. Which, looking back, was such a gift for us so we could develop on our own.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, Bobby Lee was the most successful guy. Cause he was making five grand. Grand a week.

[Andrew Schultz]

You got me my first spot at the Comedy Store. Do you know that?

[Ari Shaffir]

I remember Meeting at the Hole.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, at the potluck. I was like, hey, man, I'm coming in. And, you know, I don't know if there's a way to get up. You're like, yeah, I'm going to talk to them. And you got me up at the potluck. Legend.

[Ari Shaffir]

So when anybody says, like, I met you at the Comedy Store once, I'm like, this could go one of two.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, I didn't. At the Hole.

[Ari Shaffir]

I think the Hole. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

But I just messaged you.

[Ari Shaffir]

You were so different at the Hole. You were like, still finding yourself.

[Andrew Schultz]

Of course.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And so it was like you were a phony. You were this tough guy, Brooklyn. And you were still cool rep. Manhattan, by the way. New York, Red Manhattan, Absolutely. Number one burrow and never heard anybody

[Luis J. Gomez]

correct it to Manhattan. Brooklyn is way cooler to be.

[Ari Shaffir]

I started shouting people, like, where you from? Like, I'm from Manhattan. That's where I live.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes, but you. You're 100% right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Biggie died a long time ago. I'm from Manhattan, Brooklyn and white guys with their top hats. Dicks. No, but you're right.

[Andrew Schultz]

I was like, really trying to figure out what I was on stage.

[Ari Shaffir]

We're all at some point in college or whatever that we're like, maybe I.

[Andrew Schultz]

Fedora guy, 24, 25, maybe something. Like, we were young. Wow. Okay. Go on, go on.

[Ari Shaffir]

So doing nothing. And he was an assistant to a booker. And I was like, hey, dude, you have a side room that's not built up at the. At the. It was kind of like the old fat black. When Big J was hosting the karaoke night, they weren't really doing shows there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And imagine then if I was like, hey, can I do it? So I was like, can we do a show of mushroom stories? Like, you're not. The place is dark most days.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he goes, yeah, let's do that. Let me ask. And then he was like, okay. And we were like, let's change it to just psychedelic drug stories in general.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

The lineup was a couple. One guy. I forget his name. Me and Pete Carboni told a story about our own mushroom trip.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

This guy, Damadonia. Steve Agee was like a good actor and writer. Marc Maron and Joey diaz.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

And 14 people were there. I mean, we could not get an audience. We didn't have any way. I didn't know anybody.

[Andrew Schultz]

What room is this again?

[Ari Shaffir]

The side room with the. They have now since built it up.

[Andrew Schultz]

This is in Florida.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no. Joel from Florida had taken over all the Improv.

[Andrew Schultz]

Got it. So in the LA Improv, there is a side room. Yeah, got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

And Eric was the assistant booker, so we're like, okay. And we couldn't. You couldn't drink in there. There was no bar. You couldn't even bring your booze in from the other place.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I. I mean, it was a magical. I. I was like, I would do my story, then I'd bring somebody up and I'd sit there and watch on the floor. And it was just like. It was so cool watching these guys tell real story. Joey Diaz going to, like, Led Zeppelin, I think. Yeah. In like, the 80s on Quaaludes, you know, Mark Mary getting, like, too much drugs on a Grateful Dead concert and thinking he's chewing gum and he thinks he's got bloody mouth. Yeah, Just like. So it was just like. It was just like all 14 people were like, that was amazing.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was so real. And we're like, let's do another one. And so then we started, like, changing topics every week, and then it. It, like it built up.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Anyone who came for 18 people, the next time, 20. 20 people. And then eventually comics wanted to do it. Eventually the improv got mad at me. They're like, well, you had Bill Burr, Jim Jeffries and Bert Kreischer in the side room. And I was like, I don't know. That's the room you gave me. What, do you want me to not book a good show? And then they moved me to the main room, and then we did it at Montreal, the comedy festival.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Listen, I don't care, but I've never really gotten respected in this business, so, like, you can do the midnight show. I'm like, you don't have midnight night shows. And they're like, well, we don't really have space for you.

[Andrew Schultz]

You get respect now. I think there was a time where you were maybe overlooked.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

I think all comics go through that. But I would say that you're a respected comedian now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Depends by who. Yeah, I think comics respect me.

[Andrew Schultz]

I think. I definitely think that, like, Jew changed a lot of things. Now they hate you even more.

[Mark Normand]

For

[Ari Shaffir]

magical. We do, like. We do, like, hooker stories and. And. And. And Trouble with the Law stories, roommate stories and whatever. Everyone had them. Yeah, I remember the hooker stories 1. It was, like, got uncomfortable for the crowd. And Eddie Pepitone kept, like, starting a story and then be like, why this topic, Ari? We're losing everybody. And then back to fucking some chick in the back of a truck. Yeah, yeah. And Then we did it in Montreal. Became the Cool Hangout. The midnight show at the. At that tranny strip club became the cool hangout.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. What's the name of the strip club?

[Ari Shaffir]

Cleopatra.

[Andrew Schultz]

Cleopatra.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And we did like four days in a row, and everybody. Russell Peters, I saw him at a ufc. I was like, you want to do my show? And he was like, okay. I'm like, I'm trying to fill up. It's like 80. And he was just like, bro, I'm Russell Peters and it's Canada.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, it's gonna be fine.

[Ari Shaffir]

It'll fill up. And I didn't realize what a favor he was doing.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It just became the coolest hangout. We'd all drink there and. And then like. Yeah. Eventually Comedy Central was like, let's. Let's film some of these. It's okay.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Crazy to hear you had a hard time in the industry. Cuz I had a theory that you guys ran it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Well, here's the problem. There's too many of us. We don't all get our piece. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

You know. You know what's dope about this story?

[Ari Shaffir]

I like the. The theory.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The theory thing is awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

But yeah, yeah, we started doing on TV. It really exposed people. And I love YouTube too. Giving people, like, a break.

[Andrew Schultz]

You gotta help people, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So then it's on Comedy Central. And then how does it get first

[Ari Shaffir]

on YouTube and then they came in wherever the executive was on the side. YouTube. Comedy Central was like, we want to keep these stories about two minutes. And we're like, actually, we're going like, 20.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

She's like, no. I'm like, this isn't a puppy video, is it?

[Andrew Schultz]

This is not happening yet.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we. So we renamed it this is Not Happening. Actually, Steve Agee was like, hey, you need a name for this. You can't just call it Ari Storytelling Show. If you want to keep doing these, you should brand it. Yeah, I don't know anything about this. That. Yeah, yeah, this is Not Happening was a takeoff with some, like, painting. Like, this is not a pipe. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Look at the. He's trying to help. So it's. It's like. It's about, like, stuff existing. That is not a pipe. It's paint on a canvas. And these stories aren't actually happening now. They're a rendition of what happened.

[Andrew Schultz]

Something happened. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

H. Whatever. It's goofy, but like. Yeah. And then. And there caught on. I remember Ralphie doing a story at the improv going, I hadn't been nervous on stage. In a long time.

[Andrew Schultz]

So this is the thing about the story that I think makes it so special. It's like when the goal is the story. Laughs are a bonus.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

With standup, laughs are mandatory. Right. It's.

[Ari Shaffir]

But then. But then I was very clear. I don't want to go like, the moth. Moth is great.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. They have to be funny stories.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Moth is always, always ends with. And that's not just the day I lost my watch. That's a day I lost my innocence.

[Andrew Schultz]

Also some fire stories. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I like the fire.

[Andrew Schultz]

Mike. Mike D. Stefano. Mike D. Stefano is like a legendary New York comedian. A lot of us just, like, looked up to him growing up. He passed, but he has all. He has a moth that will make you cry, laugh. The whole thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Anyway. But the goal of it, and I think it changes the perception of the audience because you're immediately going, hey, this is a thing that's really interesting to happen. Funny happens along the way. But I'm on board because the ends might be something crazy that I could never expect. Yeah. And then it's almost like in the way that, like Sopranos is funny, even though it's not a comedy. And the laughs hit you harder. Because I'm not asking you to laugh. You're gonna. Because this is what we do, comics. We don't.

[Ari Shaffir]

We don't know how to not be. We make jokes in inopportune moments. We can't help it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So then Reap mentioned it once he did the show and he was like. He was like, after like 30 seconds with no laughs. I'm not used to. I'm like, I better make a funny face or something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ralphie. Stories about playing basketball in. In like 9th grade and corless Williamson was on another team and getting dunked on nuts in the face by a 9th grade Corus Williamson. I love it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Love it.

[Ari Shaffir]

But, like, yeah, we saw some amazing moments and. And like clean comics who could be like, this isn't recorded. I'm going to tell you something like, like really dark and like, this is great watching people who had characters drop their character. I loved watching them.

[Andrew Schultz]

Didn't Carrot Top do one?

[Ari Shaffir]

Care Top did one after.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, that was after. Okay. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But also I'd be interested to see what. Course what he was going to do.

[Andrew Schultz]

Every time you bring someone out of genre, it's kind of fun.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay. So you guys are doing it.

[Ari Shaffir]

We did it in Edinburgh. This guy called the pub landlord. He had a character, he was like the manager Of a pub.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was like, I'll tell you a real story. And people like, I've seen you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he was also like, I'm nervous to do this.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're just fun. And it made me a way better comic to have to prep a new story. Cuz, listen, I'm going first.

[Andrew Schultz]

And you got to set the tone.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got to set the tone?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm trying to bury all of you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I, I. It's hard. And I'd have to sit there. I got an office one time. Like, I got to start writing out the details of these stories.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Did you keep having to do, like, psychedelic trips to kind of crazy?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, we changed topics so it'd be like, job stories. I'm like, what job? I, I know there must be. Everyone has them. You just got to like, you know, Big J is the best. Big J can take something that is not of note and make it a really good story.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, he's a great story.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like the best.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's interesting because I always knew Jay as a storyteller, and I think a lot of people know him more now, maybe for crowd work, but when I was coming up, he was just this magnificent storyteller, and he could always do stuff off the fly. He was always so witty. But that's kind of where people were sitting in the back of the room

[Ari Shaffir]

watching, you know, late night at the Cellar, whatever. Back when the cell wasn't packed and you're like, Sunday night shows on the road, you're like, all right, it's half full. Like, yeah, check getting dropped. You're like, all right. Let me tell you about a time I, I did this.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But also, comics all have it. I was on the road with Rogan once. Long time ago. Went to a strip club.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, long time ago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did some.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, long time ago.

[Ari Shaffir]

Some, like, dumb stuff, not real. We saw some chick just giving out hand jobs. Like it was our. Didn't know she didn't have to just like, in the room, you know? And I'm like a young, just formerly religious Jew. So I'm like, what the fuck? And then my friend Tate's like, go, take her into the room. And I'm like, And then how do you do it? He's like, just take her hand and fucking spit on it and put it on your dick. I'm like, no way, that won't work. It was, bro, I've just seen her give out three hands on her. You don't have to treat her like a lady. Okay. And then so we talked about this the next day and I think, like, West Palm or something. Or something. Some Florida place. And we were talking about this. It's like, all right, come on stage. We can tell this story. You guys told the told this story of me not realizing and taking your hand and licking it and putting in my dick and then hearing Takeo spin on not licked.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, God.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I'm like, So, like, you lick so many dicks. He was watching. He was like the semi private room watching. Like, We didn't get to the beginning of her shift back at the Bolivian soft blast. Okay, so these are like fun stuff the comics have. We live crazy too. We do stuff. We're like, yeah, let's do coke and go out.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

We do stuff like. So it's like, tell these stories and they're so fun. I love watching it. Yeah. So we did it on TV for a while and then it was eventually,

[Andrew Schultz]

I don't know, can we go into that, like, not to harp on it as a negative thing, but just to understand why we got here.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I had a long time ago, an act teacher told me this. I go, if you're acting from a place, if you're telling about this horrible car accident, but the end result is you're telling how the nurse that took care of you became your wife.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And that then you don't say. You don't bemoan it. You go, like, all my bones are broken. You know where it's at.

[Andrew Schultz]

You got a wife. Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then like, I didn't think, I want to live. I want to keep. Commit suicide, whatever.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Because you know where it's going.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So at this point, like, I made my own show, so I'm fine.

[Andrew Schultz]

And it's wildly successful and it's very unique in that for years, Comedy Central and just any comedy platform has been trying to find a way to put on new talent. And every different iteration of the show kind of doesn't really work. There's always a version where they go, what if a comedian tells a joke, but we act out the sketch of the joke at the same time? And they always try to. It doesn't work. There's like a. Here's the new talent. There was a thing called Premium Blend when we were younger, which was a huge deal to get.

[Ari Shaffir]

Never got it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Doesn't really. Didn't mean either, but it didn't really do anything.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, I wanted it so bad. I wanted it so bad.

[Andrew Schultz]

Even the Comedy Central half hours, like, that was like the cre. It was that in HBO specials who were like the cream of the crop

[Ari Shaffir]

when we were going.

[Andrew Schultz]

And like, sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. So there wasn't like a real way to, like, garner interest for young comedians. A late night appearance was really big before our generation. But once you hit ours, it didn't

[Ari Shaffir]

really was it a launching thing. It was just something to do.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then you guys organically created the show where stories, not even from the big guys, the big guys are going to do well because they have a draw, but from people that you didn't know would blow up. So we're talking about millions of views.

[Ari Shaffir]

So there's two. There's two ones that. That really drive this home. So Comic Central didn't understand what the Internet was.

[Andrew Schultz]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

They just didn't understand it. It's fine. Whatever. Oh, for the people at home, Comedy Central was a network on television. It came actually with every cable. Oh, cable. Okay. And they had a lot. They made south park, the Daily Show. These were all this. This brand Comedy Central. And they were the only place to do comedy. HBO would put a special every three months, and it was always old timers. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

It was your only way through as a comic, when you really think about

[Ari Shaffir]

it, like, yeah, was your only way through special was just from Comedy Central. Is this.

[Andrew Schultz]

You know, and you wouldn't necessarily translate. Some would, some wouldn't. But that was like the only way through. And we'd all kind of wait around.

[Ari Shaffir]

They did maybe one hoping to call on you.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's it. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So. So they didn't understand the Internet. And I remember there was one season early on where they were really trying to get Rob Cordry. He's the bald guy from General Children's Hospital. Is that him? Am I thinking the right guy? I am. Okay. And they were excited. He did a good story and they could. Yep, that's him. Nice guy. Did a good story. So it was him and Joey Diaz on the same season.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And now this guy is a darling of the alt scene and he's on tv.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Joey Diaz is just some criminal. And they didn't understand that. And when Joey Diaz got to a million views and Rob Corgi's at like 80,000, they were like, what's going on here? What do you mean? And I'm like, well, one, he's Internet famous. Joey two, he's a master storyteller. Like, you just, like, listen to him. Being on the road with them is so entertaining. And that's what comics do, too. Back table, the seller everywhere. We just tell. Tell him the time you went to Portugal. Okay. And that's what those. Like Jeff Dye did one about stealing a jerky. We did this in basketball, intramural basketball. I told him, I'm like, dude, you gotta do my show.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was just talking before a game about stealing Mike Vanderjagt's jersey from his bar in Key West. And then they're like, give him back to jersey. He goes, no. And they're like, what do you mean? He goes, no. He goes to will arrest you. I'm like, then I'll burn your fucking all star jersey. He goes, I'm gonna get some use out of it. And he was like holding this guy. So anyway, it was a Joey Diaz one. And then what was really significant was Ali Siddiq.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Legend. Who was an unknown guy. I mean, unknown. I didn't know about him. And we were. I know diversity has like bad connotations now, but I would say there's a diversity of life more than just color. So if you take a rich black and a rich white, they're a lot closer than a rich white and a poor white, you know, a prison white. Owen. Owen, what's his name? You still his comic view, Owen? Yeah. He's way different than you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Different lifestyle. He's closer to Ali Sedik, you know.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Than. Than you know.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So he had a story, my favorite story of all time. So they told me, hey, he won a comedian. So we're looking for like different diversity of expand.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They go, know this guy. Okay, if you think he's good, let's go. Let's have him. I. I just don't know him. And we, we did. Yeah. So we did a. Cuz we wanted to make sure there were good stories. So we did a bunch of TV bookings and then we go, let's have extra Internet only bookings. We'll take the best of those stories and move them up to TV love. They can prove themselves later. Either way, they're getting an Internet clip, which is better. Anyway, so we saved like four spots to move up. Like getting relegated or getting like advanced. And he did one this. By the second season, I was like, they were like, they wanted again at the second season. Like, let's do. I'm like, no, guys, the guy's a mask. He did a story about. It's just called Mexican got on boots and you should look it up, cuz I don't want to ruin anything.

[Andrew Schultz]

We referenced it here when he came on really? Yeah. As like a touch point for a lot of us to him. Cuz a lot of us didn't know who he was until didn't know him.

[Ari Shaffir]

And. And you're like, don't know what's going on. It's like, remember the first time you said 20, 28 days later. And like you don't know what's going on and the character doesn't know what's going on. So it's pretty interesting. That's. That you're like, what is. What's happening? While he in the story is trying to figure out. It was. It's a masterpiece.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then got some little views. Nobody knew him. And then like a year later cracked somebody on Reddit said, have you seen this? And he got. And that was the joy of the Internet. A year later. Million views. Yeah. And it was a guy for a guy like that that has. I don't have five minutes of life let out stuff.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

But there's no place for me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And him and Ms. Pat, Jessa Reed, Big J, Joey. Like, well, now there is a place.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And people started prepping stuff for it.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it was like, pretty great. All right. And I was like, yeah. Alisa Deke is like, he's the.

[Andrew Schultz]

He's out of here now. Oh, yeah, he's out of here. Like, he, he's prolific. He's put out so many special.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like the most prolific comic in the world. I don't know about India. Maybe they have somebody.

[Andrew Schultz]

But in terms of ability to just create, create, create at that high a level.

[Ari Shaffir]

So he's the. He's. He is what the show is. Yeah. Finding a guy like that.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it was. Yeah, it was always great.

[Mark Normand]

So how does it go wrong?

[Ari Shaffir]

So I sold my. My special to a startup network streaming service. I made my own. My own special.

[Andrew Schultz]

Greed is what he's trying to say.

[Ari Shaffir]

Called Netflix.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I was like, I made my own special and I want it. No, by the way, less money. I just want people to see my special.

[Andrew Schultz]

This is the double special.

[Ari Shaffir]

Double special. Okay. Comedy Searcher didn't have the ability to put on a back to back side A side B thing.

[Andrew Schultz]

They're still locked into TV things and,

[Ari Shaffir]

and they go, we'll take one of them. Like it's not one. And then another. It's a double special. It's, it's, it's. It's like a double album. It's not two albums. So I sold it to them and then Comedy Central lost their minds.

[Andrew Schultz]

What was really interesting about this.

[Ari Shaffir]

And, like, they lost their minds.

[Andrew Schultz]

This is the thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

I feel like, how dare you? We're fucking. We're going to cut jobs and comedians if you don't give us your special. I'm like, no, you're not going to blackmail me. I'm not the guy to force. I'll kill myself. You know, in my career, I've done it a hundred times. Do what's not best for myself.

[Andrew Schultz]

There's an important, like, wrinkle to this story, which is it's very common that these networks do what are called overall deals. Commie Central has had overall deals for plenty of talent. The HBO did it. Netflix does it. Like, this is a very common thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's lock you up. Tell you enough to lock you up.

[Andrew Schultz]

They didn't do that for Ari. Maybe he wouldn't have done it. But, like, there was never offer to him. So when you don't offer that, the. The cost of that is the talent has the ability to do their special somewhere else without punitive measures taken.

[Ari Shaffir]

If.

[Andrew Schultz]

If you don't want me to do that, it's very easy. If you believe in me as a creator, then lock me up for the long term.

[Ari Shaffir]

Marilyn Rice guy was on 24, but they called her recurring character on for 24 episodes a season.

[Andrew Schultz]

This is the.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then she got Little Miss Sunshine, and they're like, no, no, we're shooting. I'm like, I'm not a series regular.

[Andrew Schultz]

You didn't make me. You didn't. You decide not to pay me the

[Ari Shaffir]

money to keep me.

[Andrew Schultz]

This is the risk. Is the risk. Yeah. But to take anyway. To take it out on you, I think, is very unfair.

[Ari Shaffir]

They never. They saw me as an open micr who was lucky to have them.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I saw them as, essentially, I'm bringing you the coolest show you ever had. It's time to. It's time to not view these crazy.

[Luis J. Gomez]

What is it about Comedy Central that makes comedians go away? Off the grid for Madlock.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, and that's what it was fun. So I left in 2017 to Southeast Asia. Yeah. I finished. Whatever. For four or five months. Oh, yeah, dude, I gotta talk to him about this.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then. And then came back and sold my special Netflix. And then. And then, yeah, they lost their minds and it was over. And then.

[Mark Normand]

And then you gave them the option they rejected. They said, we don't want both things. We don't want it the way you want it.

[Ari Shaffir]

They go. I go, no, I'm going to Have a Netflix special. It'll help promote the TV show. They go, we don't see it that. We see it as our show is going to promote Netflix. And I'm like, oh, you guys, you've already lost.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, this is like end of an empire where you don't realize.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Anyway, anyway, so then they.

[Andrew Schultz]

Then they started doing nasty about, like, if you don't come with us, we're going to cut the amount of episodes. Like, they did things that wouldn't just punish you. Punish the people you were trying to punish. The.

[Ari Shaffir]

The staff, the crew who had been. I mean, I got these guys. There was a time with season three, plus a couple digital seasons, and I was like, let me get the. The director and the. And the producer. Let me get him some mushrooms for a job well done. And I talked to my mushroom guy, and he goes, I'm actually getting out of the business, so if you want some, take more. I'm like, how much do you have? He goes, I got pounds. And I was like, I'll take it all.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, boy. Ari, why would you.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I gave everyone mushrooms. Every. Every comic. I gave every. Every. Go rip. Every cameraman. At some point, the safety lady. I was like. I would go up there. I was like, hey, do you need a mushroom? She goes, I know what you're doing. I cannot see it. Okay, yeah. Got mushrooms. Aaron Berg smuggled his home in a salad from Whole Foods because he was afraid of getting it back. Ali Sadiq didn't understand what I was giving him. And he goes, how? Laurie Norma, that vegetarian, And he lost his mind in a hotel room and thought he became white. No way. Yeah. And he told the story about it later, but, like, yeah, I'm sorry, Ollie.

[Andrew Schultz]

I thought you knew what I was doing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who just gives dried mushrooms?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. That is a peculiar gift.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, it wasn't in a chocolate or anything. It was just a baggie.

[Andrew Schultz]

Stems.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who delivers. Who delivers broccoli in a. In a. In a baggie this big?

[Luis J. Gomez]

We weren't on mushrooms.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right, right.

[Mark Normand]

That's also what a good friend is, Ollie. She was like, I'm going to try Ari's gift also. Yeah. Like, they look disgusting.

[Ari Shaffir]

High end, like shiitake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Anyway, this. There's my family, and they're going to cut their job. You hear that?

[Andrew Schultz]

Hear that, Bert? It wasn't just you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. It wasn't just you or Big J.

[Andrew Schultz]

There's a history of this. All right, guys, take a break for a second. Talk Space is the number one rated online therapy. Bringing your professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can access anytime, anywhere. Let's just get this straight. It's online therapy is just therapy. Nobody's going to the therapist's office anymore. You're not seeing some stale office in an apartment building. They got shitty art on the walls so it doesn't look exactly what it is, a zoom boom site. Everything is done this way. Now. Talkspace was ahead of the curve, okay? You can get therapy and medication all in one place. Unlike other telehealth companies, psychiatry is available through Talkspace. So you can get the medication you need to supplement your talk therapy if needed. Talkspace is inclusive. Talkspace gives high quality care that's backed by science. Talkspace partners with major research institutions to validate their treatment methods, making sure you receive the best care plan possible from anywhere. Talkspace makes getting the help you need easy, accessible and affordable. Plus, most insured members have a $0 co pay. I'm telling you, this will be worth it. Start changing your life today in the most convenient way possible. As a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month with Talkspace when you go to talkspace.comflagrant and enter the promo code SPACE80. That's S, P A C E80. To match with a licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.comflagrance and enter the promo code SPACE80. All right guys, real quick. This episode is brought to you by Row Nutrition and our liposomal NAD. And for the flagrant people, you get 20% off with the code [e-mail] that's R H O-Nutrition.com now let me tell you why I've been taking rose liposomal NAD plus every morning. NAD is one of the most important molecules in your entire body. Why is it important? Well, if you picture every cell having a little engine inside of it, which is the mitochondria, NAD is the fuel that that engine runs on it. What helps power everything from your metabolism to your cellular repair to how well you think and recover. By age 30, NAD levels drop nearly 50% and that impacts everything. Your energy, your recovery, your brain function. Rho makes NAD plus in a liposomal liquid format designed to support absorption. And it's incredibly convenient. It' little daily teaspoon. No powders, no capsules, no trip to a clinic. And I actually feel the difference clearer, more focused, clean energy throughout the day. Professional athletes, high performers, and medical professionals trust rose formulas. These are people who take their health and recovery extremely seriously. And they choose this brand. So if you want to try rose, liposomal, NAD or anything else on their website, head to rownutrition.com, use the code flagrant and get 20% off. Again, flagrant for 20% off your liver. Well, thank you.

[Ari Shaffir]

This episode is brought to you by Nordstrom. Spring calls for a wardrobe refresh, and Nordstrom has the best styles of the season. From dresses and denim to standout tops and accessories. Find the trends and essentials that feel right for you. Discover new arrivals from brands you love, like Waif, Princess, Polly, Mango, Adidas, and free people.

[Andrew Schultz]

Plus free shipping and returns and freestyling appointments. Make everything.

[Ari Shaffir]

So shop in [e-mail] or download the Nordstrom app Pause.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I give out Trippy awards for best. All these different categories on my podcast. You've been tripping Travel podcast. Yes.

[Andrew Schultz]

You've done it.

[Ari Shaffir]

You've done it. You've been anywhere.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes. Great pod.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I've been.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I would love to.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Andrew Schultz]

Al's got good travel stories. Yeah. Great.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Locked up and sweet.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I give him best episode, best trip, most dangerous, biggest piece of shit. This year, Luis Gomez did that for making his son jump into Wal a cliff on waters. They're like, hey, you can't jump in here. That's low tide. You won most surprising this year. You won most surprising Trippy for Burning Man.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's sick.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was a great app, dude.

[Andrew Schultz]

That was a really fun app.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. The finalists were you and Tucker Carlson for Get out of here for not talking politics for an hour straight.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

We went to the final two. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes. I think it's good. I beat Tucker.

[Ari Shaffir]

Spurt was chipping the year. Steph Tola was guest of the year.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I make a little plug on a get you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, thank you for that. That was a fun f. Dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. We went deep. Anyway, so this. It was taken from me, and it was a hole in my heart for a long time.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Because this it. I think a lot of people assume that you just catch the show to Comedy Central. They said yes, and then you did it. I don't think they understood, like, the lore behind it.

[Mark Normand]

Then it was a baby that you kind of brought up.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Like, who's this guy? Why is he even on this? I'm like, no, they didn't cast.

[Mark Normand]

Then it got cut out of you and they played soccer with it. Like, just.

[Andrew Schultz]

Now we're making ar Un with his own story. I should not have told you that.

[Ari Shaffir]

I should not have told you guys that story. I am.

[Mark Normand]

I'm sorry. That's rude. I shouldn't have said that.

[Ari Shaffir]

There is something when you get. When you get that response, when you

[Andrew Schultz]

go, dude, what was funny about it is the level of concern you had and then the immediate laugh.

[Ari Shaffir]

Laughter. Yeah. Cuz it's so wrong. I love wrong.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was so out of line what you said that. I was like, damn. And then you're all tagging. I'm like, this is. I talked.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's a team sport.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, wow. Yeah, dude. There was a guy. There was a Hidic guy. I have new Hidic fans and there was a Hidic guy that showed up in my last special taping. Hidic. So he's in the audience and I'm. My closure is like, is a pro. Holocaust victim joke.

[Andrew Schultz]

Pro.

[Ari Shaffir]

They should be victims.

[Andrew Schultz]

Pro.

[Ari Shaffir]

The Germans.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

And this guy, I mean, you know, you see certain audience members, he was

[Andrew Schultz]

like, what the fuck? You can't joke about this.

[Ari Shaffir]

So ecstatic. He didn't know that was a possibility. Yeah. This joke about what I told you was so wrong. It's so funny.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, so the guy liked the joke?

[Andrew Schultz]

Hold on one second.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's like, I wasn't allowed to. To laugh at that, to feel anger about this.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow. So he was surprised by the Holocaust twice.

[Mark Normand]

This is not happening.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's my favorite. The montage of people leaving, leaving interviews. You know, they always. They don't just take the thing. They always go, I understand sound guys. I'm not, I'm not, I'm not.

[Mark Normand]

That's how people on Twitter describe the Holocaust.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fake. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

This is not happening.

[Andrew Schultz]

We're cooking with gas, boys. We're cooking with gas. Okay, okay. So you get an opportunity to get it back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, well, it's not an opportunity. I was like, I have to have some time to think straight.

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, the show gets continued without you, which is, I think, an important distinction.

[Ari Shaffir]

Roy. Roy Will took over and to Roy's credit, called you, which 100% said, Hey, I won't do this. You know what I'm do? What do you want me to do here? They told like, like, let's discuss. And I was like, dude, if you don't do it, they're gonna cut it

[Andrew Schultz]

from all these comedians.

[Ari Shaffir]

Comedians won't get a chance. Ryan o' Neal got it a chance that year. He wouldn't have if we. If the show went away. I'm like, do it, dude. Do it. And I was like, but get that across the board. Deal. Make them buy a script from you. Like, they need you right now. Remember when south by Southwest have any women? And then they were like, oh, they got a heat for it. And they went to, like, Chelsea Peretti. And she goes, I got paid because I know why you're calling me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I'm feeling a whole lot.

[Andrew Schultz]

You're not doing this because you want

[Ari Shaffir]

me, so you're gonna pay me. Yeah, exactly. So I was like, yeah, Ken. So we did honor the show. Wore a goofy outfit like I always did, you know, but, you know, it didn't end the way it should have ended, which is me taking it out. And so it was always like, I gotta get back to this. And then. And then Covid hit, and I'm trying to look at the positives. That's my last special, America Sweetheart on Netflix. Find positives in everything. So, sure, I was out of a job, but I went to Ecuador for six months while my industry collapsed and every comic here was wildly succeeding on the Internet. I was taking off and eating cooey and. But, like, I had time to think clearly, and I'm like, it's time to do it again. I can. I can. I. All this stuff is off my. Just, like, this trip stuff's off my plate. I can think clearly.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I'm like, yeah, let's do it. So I called Eric. I'm like, let's do it. And he's like, let's put in all our money. And then I talked to Tom Segura, and I was like, can you help? And he goes, I got a whole. I got a. A whole, like, not industry. What's it called?

[Andrew Schultz]

Team.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, team. Pretty much infrastructure here.

[Andrew Schultz]

Infrastructure.

[Ari Shaffir]

People that would love to make this the first non Tom Segura production we make. Yeah, we'd be on the show. He was. He had great dosing himself on GHB and ending up in the hospital story early on. So he helped. And then we were like, let's make it. And. And we did. And then we start scouting places. We got to do it right. Cheetahs, the place we had is all built up and all like. Like, LED screens now. You can't go back there. And then also, we had to, like, separate a little the old show. And then, you know where they did it?

[Andrew Schultz]

Where? The box.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, get out of here.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, it's Fire. That's great.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's Fire. Had the vibe. The vibe we had at that strip club in. In Montreal. You go up the steps, you're seeing these, like, faded pictures of these, like, trans strippers, and you're like, I'm in a dark place. Now and if somebody's telling me a story about some they did, I'm not going to judge them.

[Andrew Schultz]

Exactly.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cuz this is not glossy. I like going downstairs to the cellar. Downstairs, upstairs, rooms.

[Andrew Schultz]

I agree completely. It sets its own for the audience. Like if you're doing it at like some, some like university improv like that, there's just too high an expectation.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, yeah. So it was like, yeah. So we're like, we finally built around debauchery. Perfect. I mean the last hour is. I don't want to get him in trouble, but I will tell you. So I went last time they were like, hey, if you're going to do a show. I was like, you know what, I need to hear the sound system in use and I want to see if

[Andrew Schultz]

they had tell the story about when you went.

[Ari Shaffir]

I, I, I need to go. I mean, Chappelle used to throw comedians balls there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I don't really know him that well. Yeah, he's always got a, a posse of 30 people. I'm not, that's, that's not my vibe. Me and A T once, we used to go diners every late night and then he comes upstairs one time and goes, you guys want to go eat? Like, yeah, we're actually about to go eat. Sure. And then 40 more people like, yeah. Well, I'm like, enjoy, buddy. It's not, it's not. I'm not itching to get close to you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah,

[Ari Shaffir]

yeah. He'd throw these comedian balls, which is like, come, I want you guys to talk to each other. Shoot the shit. Beer's on me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Drink's on me. Enjoy yourself. I mean, so cool. And I saw him at the Cellar brunch like a week or two later. I was like, oh, thanks for the comedian ball. There's no problem. He's like, dude, I got a hand job upstairs. He goes, oh, right, man, that's why I do it. He was so stoked. I was like, nice. But anyway, so I was like, I want to see how this sounds to you.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And he's into,

[Ari Shaffir]

let's get back to

[Andrew Schultz]

that old style, man. Candies.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I was like, let me see what I got to make sure the sound. It's not a comedy room.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I got to see how it works. And, and I know they have cordless mics. I'm like, I want, I'm going to put the stage in a different place. I want to see how it works if they're in a different place. So I'm like, can I come One night. Absolutely. And I mean, the mc, she's got so much power and she's moving all around. So she is where we built the stage on the ramp down. And you can hear clearly. I'm like, fine, but I'm up there and I'm off on way too much Molly.

[Mark Normand]

It's all going crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's all going crazy. And I was just doing this and then I just hear it snap. And my tooth just shattered.

[Andrew Schultz]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I mean, it was good Molly. What a fun night.

[Mark Normand]

Like a back molar.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And just goes. And then I had to go to the dentist. Like, what happened? I was like, I'll tell the assistant, but I'm not telling an actual doctor. You're not. You're not gonna understand this. Oh, what a fun place. What a fun place.

[Mark Normand]

Did you party the rest of the night? Cuz, like, being on Molly and breaking

[Andrew Schultz]

your tooth, you're not even feeling it.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm not feeling it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, we did it. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you get a replacement tooth?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's somewhere back there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Gold tooth.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. No offense, but. Oh, no, I didn't consider that was actually.

[Luis J. Gomez]

That might be.

[Ari Shaffir]

You actually come together. Jews and blacks, no tipping and gold teeth or whatever. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Is there some Molly still stuck in there, dude?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, that be great.

[Mark Normand]

You floss and trip a little.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's kind of nice. Yeah. So we did it there. It was so cool and iconic and like. And like dark and like, man, I'm really stoked. It went so well. Everybody brought it. It went so well. I'm happy. I know that's lame as a comedian, but I am happy.

[Andrew Schultz]

Awesome things happening where we got to

[Ari Shaffir]

be miserable about everything.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's like. I think it's such an attention grab, to be honest.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And I didn't want any fucking with it. So I was like. Tom was like, I have a story.

[Luis J. Gomez]

All gotta be molested.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we all gotta be molested.

[Andrew Schultz]

There was a moment where it was like, you don't remember when comics started talking about, like, they got all their STDs they got and like, if they were touched and all this other shit. And I was like, okay, I got it. So it's this, like, I'm incredibly honest about the weirdest radical vulnerab. Radical vulnerability. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ms. Pat was telling a story in Montreal, that strip club. And it was. She glanced over this, and I didn't understand it for like two minutes, but she goes, it was something along the lines of, my uncle took out his dick. And it. And it smelled like raw Chicken. And I was like, we're all laughing. And then I was like, wait, was she just. Did she just say she got molested?

[Mark Normand]

Is she a victim?

[Ari Shaffir]

And she's not a victim and she never will be.

[Mark Normand]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

She played it as a comic. And I was like, that's the. I mean, I keep thinking about that for a decade, how cool that was. To not wallow in it at all, to not lose her job. Her job is funny. She's not going to be like, now let's get serious for 20 minutes in the middle for no reason.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So anyway, I'm stoked I finished the show. So I'm. So Tom's like, I have a streaming. Put it up on there. Yeah, we'll recoup. Give. Give out the money. Yeah. So it's available right now. $5 off.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wait, it's available to watch or it's available to pre order?

[Ari Shaffir]

Pre order now?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

25 instead of 30 for seven hour long episodes.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. That's a great deal, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

At first I was like 10 bucks each, $70. And then all the young staff at YMH is like zero chance.

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, people are hurting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

People are hurting right now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

But you.

[Mark Normand]

The lineup itself is crazy. I mean, like Shane to Norman to comics. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. It's crazy how much more successful this has become from when it started.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Where Ralphie's like. He's the most successful one. Is like tempe improv.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Now it's like arenas.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's so.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no. Stadium stuff.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

The link.

[Andrew Schultz]

Fluffy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Last time I was in here.

[Andrew Schultz]

Tell me.

[Ari Shaffir]

I had this memory coming up here. Last time I was in here, I think you were getting ready to play the Beacon or something.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I put this in if you could find it. I was like, I got a prediction that has not been done. I think you're going to play Madison Square Garden. No. You and you're like, well, see about that.

[Andrew Schultz]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Hey, here's a prediction before we leave. Yeah. In the within, before 2025, Andrew Schultz will play Madison Square Garden. Hey, that be sick. And I will be there taking tickets.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow, you came. It's been that long since you've been on.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was Jew was special for that was 2023 2. 2022, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I was still mad at him.

[Ari Shaffir]

We gotta bring this up.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, we don't. So time does heal all.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pray for me, pray for me, pray for me. Ari is proof. Yeah. But I put all my money into this. So, like, you know Go support it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you want. I didn't watch you. If you want to support this kind of outsider shit.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. If I.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you've ever wanted to support me, this. This is the time. Get your five dollars off. It's like three bucks an episode at this point for crazy names and. And. And it's great. Anyway.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's awesome. I. I'm. I'm very excited for it. You said. When is it coming out?

[Ari Shaffir]

What's coming out? April 16th. Right before Hitler's birthday.

[Andrew Schultz]

Jesus.

[Ari Shaffir]

On 420 also. 420. 420 is a bad.

[Luis J. Gomez]

And our guy Tom Caseta worked on

[Ari Shaffir]

it, too, at Tom Cassetta.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, yeah. Shout out to God.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's the God.

[Andrew Schultz]

Tom Caseta.

[Mark Normand]

He is.

[Ari Shaffir]

I told you this before. If he's not on Available when I'm on a recorded special, you don't. I don't do it.

[Andrew Schultz]

You don't do it. Yeah. I try to tell everybody, man. It's kind of funny.

[Ari Shaffir]

And, like, people did Norman's last one.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

People will skimp. People will skimp on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Skim on sound.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's the one thing in comedy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

That you cannot skimp on.

[Ari Shaffir]

Got to feel like you're in the room.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It's an audio medium, really. Like, blind people can enjoy comedy. Deaf people have a way harder.

[Ari Shaffir]

I wish they wouldn't, but. Yeah. Wait. Let's get back to this trip.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes. Yes, yes, yes, yes. 1. No, no. Before we get back to the trip. Yeah, it's. It's called the End.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, I was gonna, like. It's a great title.

[Andrew Schultz]

I don't want it to be the End.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's the end, buddy.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, I want it to be more, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know when I asked you, like, hey, eventually, like, first you're like, yes. There's a couple people like, yes. And then something came up, and they could. Santino was like, instant yes. And then he's like, oh, dude, no. We've been planning this trip to Mexico for. For two years. Years. I can't. I don't like. And he was, like, upset. You were like, yes. And then you're like, hey, I haven't been on stage. I just can't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Let's see how this sells it. Probably not going to be the end.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's not my driving force. It's not what drives me.

[Mark Normand]

But it is the end of the saga. The first thing. And now you get the ending that you never.

[Ari Shaffir]

So it's a double meaning. It's the end. Like a story, you know? The end. And it's the end of the story. The show has a story of its own. Yeah. Came from a fucking broom closet.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It went up to this. We played the. We sold at the Ryman Theater with, like, surprise, surprise names.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then now we're. It's.

[Andrew Schultz]

I don't want to harp on this anymore, but I do.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You're like. You're like, I'll do the next season. I'm like, there's no next season.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no. There's a talking about. There's the next season. But, like, to me, it's just. And I think Comedy Central's ego got in the way, and I think that ego got in the way of a lot of stuff. When you're the only game in town, that often happens. And it's like, you know that you maybe stop thinking that the town is the reason why things are successful, and you think that the executives are. But that's a different conversation.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Andrew Schultz]

But it's so rare that a platform is interesting for people that you do not know who they are. You know, kill. Tony's been able to do this, but this is so rare. So if.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tony story was great.

[Andrew Schultz]

Tony. Tony did this one also, by the way. Great story, but, like, it's so rare. So if I'm in network, I'm looking at this and going, I've been spending so much money trying to get people into the next generation of comics, and I have not been able to, unfortunately. We all want to see our. When our friends get opportunities, we all want to see them fucking blow up up and succeed. And a lot of them do it and then end up just clipping and putting it online and hoping it works online. This was an actual property where people were excited about the story, not the person telling it.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then, yeah, Lee. Ms. Pat. You didn't know who they were. You didn't know.

[Andrew Schultz]

Became excited about the person telling it and wanted to see more stories from them. It is exactly what if I was in charge of a network or something, it is exactly the type of show that I would do to incubate talent. And if I actually, really, really wanted comics to become more successful and have flourishing careers. Which should be the idea of your. Of your network. Right. Because it's based on that. Like, it's the exact thing that I would want to do. So again, I hope this crushes. I hope you never have to do anything that you don't want to do again. But there is a part of me that goes like, man, if this became another big platform, great opportunities for comics who Right now, I think kind of don't know what to do. They're like, do I post things on TikTok? Do I put a YouTube special out? There's a million YouTube special specials out. It's like, I don't think a lot of them know what to do.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is that. That is.

[Andrew Schultz]

And you're not picky on like name size. This has all the big names.

[Ari Shaffir]

I want store. I'm like submitting stories.

[Andrew Schultz]

You want the stories?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So sometimes you would go to people's agents and I'm like, hey, do they have a story? They're like, are you off from the show? And I'm like, what are we.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, it's like, what are we doing?

[Ari Shaffir]

I need to see what they're going to do. And they're like, I'm not telling. I'm not telling my high end client that you want to talk to them about a maybe booking. I'm like, I should have gone to it myself right away. Just go directly by going to the Jews First.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is a nice thing to like get more of it. The column was like, I'm excited. I'm excited for people to see us. Something he worked hard on and lived like a piece of shit. He won piece of shit of the year for Trippie Award. Yeah. For the first year. Like, yeah. Like, some of these guys, like, like, they were just like, great. And I'm excited for you to see these unknowns that are like, that was awesome. The reason you go see a name is because you're more likely to have a good time.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. It's.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know if I go see you, this is going to be good. If you go to a high end restaurant, it's going to be a good meal.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And so you don't want to take a chance on an unknown. But I'm telling you, I vetted everyone, so trust me as the curator.

[Andrew Schultz]

And that's what happens when, again, that's what happens when you have somebody who's curating things that are going to be interesting. And all it takes is one or two stories from somebody you didn't know to be like, locked in. And all it takes is one or two that suck from somebody you don't know for you to be out. And I think that's maybe what Comedy Central might have learned or whatever. But it's like you need somebody who is looking out for the product. And the product isn't necessarily just the biggest names. Yes, this one has it. But the people that are going to surprise you, the ones that are going to blow you away.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's kind of what sustains the product.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I'm not booking like. Like Brad Pitt, who's like, I don't know if you're a good comedian. I'm booking Shane Gillis, who's like, yeah, he's your big name, but you're also a great comic.

[Andrew Schultz]

Fantastic at the thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's like, yeah, Nate's a great comic.

[Andrew Schultz]

I know.

[Ari Shaffir]

Was a great comic before he was getting, like, sellout bonuses.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

So it's best of both worlds.

[Mark Normand]

Did you say no to any stories because you felt that. Not on a quality basis, but you felt like the story was too vulgar, too intense, too political or anything like that?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Andrew Schultz]

What about.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, no. Something I will say. I don't. I. I'm not that interested in stories about the industry.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. It's very insane.

[Ari Shaffir]

Losing out in a part is, like, not that interesting.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

The stakes are low.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. But no go V. No, I would never.

[Andrew Schultz]

But what I think you do do is you'll be honest with the comic.

[Ari Shaffir]

This isn't good enough.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I've gotten people mad at me before for sure. Where I'm like, it's not. This is a story of something that almost happened and was never really even on the table. You just thought it was going to happen.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then you realize. And then I wasn't even that guy. So you were never in any day.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's a different. It's a different thing than standup. Like, there are people who are amazing. We were talking about someone who was amazing at standup, like, amazing. And they worked on something and. And you just were honest. You're like, hey, you're incredible. Like, you're the reason why I wanted you to do it. I don't know if this is there yet, but that's the thing that I think when the network is making the decision, they're going, well, we already have them signed up for a special, so this would be a great promotional opportunity for the next special. And then you start diluting the central

[Ari Shaffir]

was like, just do this. I'm like, no, it takes some time. Like, well, they have a good story. I'm like, but they got to work out the beats of that. It takes a while. Some of my stories have taken plus a year to get right. To find a right ending of like. Of like a thank you, good night. When you just know. It's like, that's just not easy.

[Andrew Schultz]

Dream guest.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was.

[Andrew Schultz]

They don't have to be comic, by the way. They could be anybody. But some somebody that you're like, oh, man, this guy tells great stories. I think this would be awesome.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jeffries, I was really trying to get.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, has he not done it?

[Ari Shaffir]

He's done it live. The live shows are to me, they blend in at this point.

[Andrew Schultz]

Got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

They're just so good.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. Jeff is phenomenal.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he's a great storyteller.

[Andrew Schultz]

Great storyteller. Who. I've never gotten any non comic that you're like, every time I hear this guy talk, it's fascinating.

[Ari Shaffir]

David said ERIS would be really cool.

[Mark Normand]

Interesting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I'm trying to think if I could get someone to. Because we've had some non comics on over the. Henry Rollins told one of the best ever on the oldest. Not happening. If I get someone to tell something out of who they like. Like if I could get like Marilyn Tucker Carlson to tell a story about following the dead around, you know, back when he was a drug addict, like that would be interesting to me. Yeah. You know, Bernie Sanders losing his virginity story, dude, would be a fun. That'd be a fun story. You know, those would be fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

You have to go.

[Mark Normand]

Jason Williams.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, white basketball player.

[Mark Normand]

Yes.

[Andrew Schultz]

Amazing dude. He's incredible.

[Mark Normand]

Fantastic stories.

[Andrew Schultz]

He's incredible. Unbelievable.

[Mark Normand]

He's to consider, I thought, oh, Josh

[Ari Shaffir]

Homme would be a really good one. He gets into fights as Queens of the Stone Age lead singer. Oh, yeah, yeah. Him I actually tried to get a few times.

[Andrew Schultz]

Really?

[Ari Shaffir]

We were. We were not close, I guess, but like border there on Dolly Parton one year. Oh, no, not Dolly Parton. We tried to get her. The chick who died who had all the plastic surgery. The comedian. She's a comedian, I guess.

[Andrew Schultz]

Rivers.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it was. It was close.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that would have been awesome.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's the thing. It's like if you go with the celeb. If you go with the celeb, pop in. It can't just be that they're a celeb, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Andrew Schultz]

The story has to almost be bigger than them being a celeb.

[Ari Shaffir]

The story Dolly. The stories Dolly Parton tells when she's on stage is about her being poor in North Carolina and not. Not the first time it's sold out in arena. Exactly. Who cares? It's rude.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah. The story has to be primary.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Jay says it. He was like, don't ever tell a success story.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, no, we don't want to hear that.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what's the best you ever have

[Luis J. Gomez]

a Kevin on stage do it. You know, Kevin stage. He's a comic. I just Saw his new hour and it's about like dealing with the grief of his brother passing away. And it's like the funniest thing and you cry and then you laugh again. It's Kevin.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'll check him out.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah, Kevin's amazing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cool. He's a New Yorker.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, Atlanta. Well, now he's in la.

[Ari Shaffir]

Atlanta.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Interesting.

[Andrew Schultz]

Anyway, I'm sure you're going to get these pictures more and more as this thing blows the up.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was the cool thing about the old show is people go, I have a story. Can you come watch them? Like 100% I come.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then like, yeah, aim. This is what Nate and I talk about. Nate has a clean network so people can aim for something. Cuz all the platforms are gone and he wants them to aim.

[Andrew Schultz]

And there's so much out there that filtration is going to be good.

[Ari Shaffir]

And if like I can't have you on. If it's like, oh, we got full or whatever. It's like, I'm sorry, you got left with a 12 minute closer. You worked hard on that. You can use on the road.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah. That's the other thing. It's like, you know, kind of comedy. Comedy, when you are really working at it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Reaps amazing rewards. And then sometimes it comes so naturally to people that the hard work is absent.

[Ari Shaffir]

You don't notice it.

[Andrew Schultz]

You don't notice it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I talked about with Cassetta, I was like, if anyone sees your hand in this, you failed. But the amount of work you're doing sounded good. You have no idea how hard he works, you know?

[Andrew Schultz]

You know, it was, you know, the first special that I like recognized sound. Do you know Bill Burr, when he did the Royal Albert Hall?

[Ari Shaffir]

Albert hall, like Binder was the director of that one.

[Andrew Schultz]

I think it's paper tiger.

[Mark Normand]

I think.

[Andrew Schultz]

Was that paper tiger? I think so.

[Ari Shaffir]

Okay.

[Andrew Schultz]

I would look up, but I saw this room that looked like the biggest room ever. It's the way that it's shaped. It's beautiful. It's like an unbelievable room.

[Ari Shaffir]

That was the first reverse shot that I'm like, this is justified because it's actually so cool. Usually they do it for like some other reason, but I'm like, what are you showing me?

[Andrew Schultz]

They do it for the reason. Is it a paper tiger? So they do it for the reason of. Look how big the room is. But this room is.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I'm playing a big room, trying to show off. But it's like, yeah, it's. It was gorgeous.

[Andrew Schultz]

This room is gorgeous.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Andrew Schultz]

And It's. It might be the most beautiful shot in a standup special and. But I remember looking at the size of the room, and I go, how the cuz. You know, Bill doesn't just do, like. And punchline. And then everybody laughs. He'll talk through punchlines. And when you're in a room that

[Ari Shaffir]

size, you got to wait longer. You got to wait.

[Andrew Schultz]

But no, you could hear them laughing and him riding them on momentum. And it was a kind of a dance. It was wow. And I think what happens is a lot of times audio guys, we're going inside baseball. The second they hear someone talking, they go, we got to take down. Exactly. And it's like, no. When you're at a comedy club, sometimes you'll miss a word.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right? Because it's loud. Early Rogan. I saw Rogan. He was like. When I was a door guy there.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

He was a crusher.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just doing date night stuff. And, like, tigers and like. And like a crusher. And, like, you'd see this Zagroya, who's awful, and just, like, watching comedians, like, wow. And I remember people laughing in. In different parts of the joke. So, like, they be dying. I can't hear you now. I'm dying. You can't hear. And then it's back and forth on who can hear and who can't. But he was just bully through.

[Andrew Schultz]

And that's what works.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's Boston comedy.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Like, I don't have time to breathe because you'll call me a homosexual. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

So it's like Patrice.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

That style of just kind of stepping on. And. And I heard it, and from that special, I was like, wow, Whoever did this is brilliant because they found it a way to. To maintain the momentum. And then you're watching it, and you kind of get caught up in the momentum.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who did the sound on it?

[Andrew Schultz]

We looked, but. And then. Then we got cassette, I think, for Infamous, and he just did this unbelie. He gave us a pass for Infamous, where he didn't even, like, touch it. It was the first thing. And I was like, I thought you edited the whole thing. Like, no, this is what I did live.

[Ari Shaffir]

I got him for Adrian special.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Producer was at the View.

[Andrew Schultz]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Seller.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, you did it at the McDougall. Yeah, McDougal room. Wow. Okay, cool.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I try to help some comics do their specials, and they each need something different.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. She needed money and a director.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, I'll get your money back, so I'll put in the money. And then we Got the. The best director, Louis ck.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Lou did it, who made it look so cool. Cool. But. But Cassetta put it in there and it's 144 seat room. God on the way. So. He's so fun talking to Louie about it because he's also a comic.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I'm like, I don't want more than 12 seat kills, more than 14 you need.

[Andrew Schultz]

And he goes, that's 10% of the audience.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, oh, great. Taken care of. I don't have to worry about that all day. But then Cassetta comes in. I'm like, how many. How many mics do you have? He's like, one for every seven people.

[Andrew Schultz]

No. It's unbelievable.

[Ari Shaffir]

Everyone else puts in like one zoom and hopefully.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. It's the nice thing about comics putting their own out is that we will know who did it, who did it. Sound.

[Ari Shaffir]

Teddy Salas was the mixer.

[Andrew Schultz]

Great job, guys.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

But yeah, like us putting out our own. We understand what it should sound like.

[Ari Shaffir]

So. So I was with Cassetta doing the levels for this.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Before I left town.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, get bass levels so you can work while I'm gone. Let's get the right, like, lean into the art lead. And you know. And then I was like, you're working on Norman's. And he goes, actually, I just got told that I'm not.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Cuz he's. He like. I don't know. He's like, this has cost me way too much money. And I texted Norman. I'm like, dude, you can skimp out on whatever you want.

[Andrew Schultz]

Not the sound.

[Ari Shaffir]

That is money well spent. And then I got a call from the cassette of like. Did you say something? I'm back in.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's his special that just came out. And it sounds great.

[Andrew Schultz]

Telling you, bro, it's the number one.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And there's one guy that can do it. His name is Tom Cassette

[Ari Shaffir]

two guys.

[Andrew Schultz]

And Duva. Well, Tom works with him, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. And now Tom is just doing amazing anyway. But. Okay, so before we wrap this up, back to your, your, your journey.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Can I ask you a question?

[Andrew Schultz]

Please.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes, sir.

[Mark Normand]

In your travels, I'm very studious today. That's the vibe. Did you cry at all? Like, was there a moment where you're just like, you cried. Did anything affect you emotionally?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I was on mushrooms and beyond what I saw for this later. So the sun is setting and it's like cloud for like, you're way above. When you're way up in the mountains, the sun sets for like an hour. Because you're, like, above. You can see the horizon and I'm just like in a fever dream. I'm writing all what I got to do out that you'll see when you get it. Yeah. I thought about my dad as a real person for the first time maybe ever, and not this guy I grew up with and what like a teddy bear is and how much he loves his grandkids and like. Yeah. And. And then I was with a bunch of people and we're in this outlook all on shrooms. And then I went to the bathroom and they. They cut out a hole in the bathroom so you could see this view. And I just had a nice cry. I just had a good, nice cr.

[Andrew Schultz]

Cry. Why were you and him estranged?

[Ari Shaffir]

Not estranged, but, like, you know, he was the. Not scoldy, but he was like. He ran it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Strict.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And then.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you didn't get the lovey part.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was still loving, but it. It.

[Andrew Schultz]

But it's just like, not like with those gr.

[Ari Shaffir]

From what I've known him now, it's like you spent way more time being this teddy bear than being this guy who was disappointed that I ate cheeseburgers. That was like, actually a minor part of my life.

[Mark Normand]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

Way longer as. Just saying he's just, like, so happy to be able to cook for me.

[Andrew Schultz]

And, like, oh, really?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, I'm going to make you sauteed onions. Do you love just like. Oh, yeah. And then I was like, I'm going to call him way more on this trip because he did it. He went to America. He took a boat to America in, like, the 60s.

[Andrew Schultz]

No way.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And had his own vagabond experience.

[Andrew Schultz]

Where was he from?

[Ari Shaffir]

Romania. And then they relocated to Israel after Romania. Lost a war. Badly.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Spent time in a camp and then. And then got freed. And then. Then they moved to Israel. And then when he got out of the army, came here.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Started alive. So I'm like, oh, you. I should. You know, I should include you in this more. So he's proud of me and I'm like, I should include you. So, yeah, that was a Definitely a good.

[Mark Normand]

How old is he?

[Ari Shaffir]

I think he's almost 90. Yeah. Or just turn. That's awesome. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

It is a weird thing because, like, your dad is your dad for, like, 16 years. 17 years, you know, and then you're on your own. And then he's mostly just like a cool guy. You.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Greg Fitzsimmons told me this, which I think a lot of parents need to know, I'm like, how's your relationship with your kid now that he's, like, grown up? It's like he goes, it's great. I have made a friend. He is my friend. We're into the same sports teams. I just never can lose track of. I'm not the advice giver anymore. And if I give him advice, it's just like me giving anyone advice. And they're not asking. If he asks, I can offer, but I don't run his life anymore, so he's on his own. And I just always have to remember that. So much advice.

[Mark Normand]

For 18 years, they have that memory. Like, I remember my dad is the guy that was in charge of me, and my dad remembers me as, like, the person who he's in charge of when the reality is we're just two.

[Ari Shaffir]

Let's hang out.

[Mark Normand]

Men that hang.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. What kind of scotch do you like? I like this Petey. That's crazy. Oh, I like smooth. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You have taste, man.

[Andrew Schultz]

What a transition for the dad.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. To do the. To not be the mom, I think is worse because you're really, like, caregiver.

[Mark Normand]

But you can kind of keep doing that, though.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I feel like mom's like, I'm not stopping back. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And we kind of want that. Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You kind of want the nurturing all the way to the end.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

You know, but, dad, you really kind of lose.

[Ari Shaffir]

Woof. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Crazy to think about disciplinarian for all this time, and then it just stops.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Your mom used to live in the same state as your mom's city.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

You get sick, she'd be like, please let me come over. No. Nice.

[Mark Normand]

It's funny.

[Ari Shaffir]

Tuck you in? No, I'll bring your teddy bear. No.

[Mark Normand]

Maybe that could be a good story.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, not blanky.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who brings you blankie, then?

[Andrew Schultz]

My wife. Don't even take care of me when I'm sick, to be honest with you.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm the same way. I'm like, get out of here. I don't need your sympathy.

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm complaining like crazy. And I just roll right through her empathy. She got a short empathy battery. It's like turbo in one of the radio chasing games. And she goes through that so fast. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Man's World cup, dude. I went to a game in Guatemala.

[Andrew Schultz]

What.

[Ari Shaffir]

What type of rivalry game?

[Andrew Schultz]

What type of game?

[Ari Shaffir]

Soccer. Oh, is that this? Is that what you have up there?

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, yeah. We got some odds for the. For the World cup, but anyway, go on.

[Ari Shaffir]

So there's like, a Game. I'm like, sick. I'll go. There's any, any local sports? I'm like, let me check it out. Yeah, Fluminense game in Brazil. And like, and like, just. It's fun. And so I'm there and it's a rivalry game, which means no liquor. And I'm like, okay. And everyone's partying outside. I love it. Everyone partying outside. And then it starts pouring rain. So we're, we're. This is Shella. And so he's all pouring into these bodegas and everyone's drinking and stuff. And these guys are like, what are you for? Why are you here? You're clearly whites. Guatemala, the shortest country in the world.

[Andrew Schultz]

Really?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you have any Handyman, they're all 5, 6 and below. People go, like, what happens to the Mayans? It disappeared. And it's like, no, we didn't. We just put on T shirts. Yeah, they were hoodies. Guatemala City, Driving Corollas. We're just tiny. So anyway, we start talking. I was like, what do I gotta know? They start teaching me chants, you know, dale, dale super chiva. They teach me all these fucking things. And then like the seven time cup winners of Guatemala, like, and then it's like. And then like, all right, learning these chants. And then I'm like, there's no liquor in there, so we gotta get drunk here. He goes, dude, liquor in there. I'm like, what do you mean? Like, we sneak it in. I'm like, what do you take, a bottle? No, they take little baggies. Pour quetzel keto. This like their local, like bathtub liquor. Pour it in there and then like spin it up and tie it. Put it in their balls.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I'm like, so you have a bag on you? He goes, bro, I have 11. I'm like, what? He goes, under each arm, all around here. Where do they touch your sack? It's. It's a sack of sack.

[Mark Normand]

It's a sack.

[Andrew Schultz]

Sack is a sack.

[Ari Shaffir]

What are they going to know?

[Mark Normand]

Everything.

[Ari Shaffir]

You pull it out, you bite them and just suck it all out. And so that. Yeah, bro. How good was that?

[Mark Normand]

You got up, huh?

[Ari Shaffir]

Up. And. And so? And so then. So then I'm like. I'm like, all right, where am I sitting? I'm like, well, I'm not gonna. I research where to sit. You don't sit. You definitely don't sit in the away section.

[Mark Normand]

Of course,

[Ari Shaffir]

like, you can't do that either because you don't. I don't know enough chance, but they're teaching me chance. I'm like, no, I'm sitting kitty corn,

[Luis J. Gomez]

like right near your taste of dudes dicks, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so succulent. It's so sweet in a way that it's like tropical pineapple.

[Andrew Schultz]

The hooker was like, I can spit on it. I was like, nah, nah, no.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm way back. He taught me how to do my own. So. So, so I'm like, I'm not. He goes, no, sit with us. And I'm like, why? He goes, no, I can't. But there's nothing seats. There's like sections.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he goes, sit with us. I'm like, are you sure? Go cross. I taught you the chance. You're fine. They have this giant like 30 foot long flag and as they bring it in, they're like, grab it, grab it. Pretend you're like one of the holders. So like I'm in there. And then like I'm in the section. So I'm in there. I'm like, nice. This got me and like three dudes from the hostel and that. All luscious dicks. And then. And then some guy taps me in the shoulder. He goes in Spanish. I forgive him. Exactly. Because you can't be here. I was like, what? And he goes. And then he spoke to English. He goes, you cannot sit here. And I was like, oh, okay. And then that dude, way up, he goes, he's cool. He's with us. And he goes, okay. And then, dude, fireworks. Everything, like right next to you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Just.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so fun. They do sports so much better than we do. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Why is it? Is it cuz the people.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's a rivalry. It's like a 5,000 seater too. It wasn't even. Oh, so it wasn't even like those. Yeah, it wasn't even like a crazy thing.

[Mark Normand]

That's so cool. I mean, you've heard like, who was it? Jokic, like talking. Maybe it was Luca. Yeah, Talking about like playing in America.

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm not nervous. I played in this. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Serbian basketball league. If you ever seen the videos of that.

[Mark Normand]

It's like this crazy indoors, drums and stuff. He's like, that's what I grew up with, the drum.

[Ari Shaffir]

Somebody takes like a full marching band drum and they're beating it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

They go for it.

[Mark Normand]

Now it's just like Ben Stiller on floor seats or something like. That's like his biggest concern. So different. Like even for the baseball games, they

[Ari Shaffir]

were going crazy, going crazy. Same fatty drums. Everybody knows the Chance. Everybody. I met a Dude who I met, a dude who I was wearing. I took. I took only stuff that I could deal with not bringing home. I'm like, there's a chance this doesn't come back with me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, right?

[Ari Shaffir]

So I took a Yankee giveaway. Nasty Nestor shirt. Because he's not on the Yankees anymore. Just his mustache. Nasty nester. He rules. Nasty Mr. Cortez. And I had it with me. Some guy sent me a beer, and I'm like, okay. Then he sent me another one. I tried to send him. He's like, no, no, no. And then I went over, talk to him. I'm like, I don't want. I can afford a beer. But, like, he's 16. He's with his mom. I didn't realize he wasn't of age. Because I love the Yankees. I'm a huge Yankees fan. I'm a huge Kansas City Chiefs fan. I saw your nasty Nestor shirt. I think it's so cool. Bought me, like, two more beers, and eventually I'm like, bro, this is yours. He goes, no way. And I just made his day. I was like, you. It's a Yankee giveaway. I'm like, it's from the stadium. It's what,

[Mark Normand]

you just harmless the rest of the day?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. There's one rule I live by, and it is. Sun's out. Guns out. That's awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Do they play baseball?

[Ari Shaffir]

Mexican Mexico. Yeah, for sure. Dominican Republic is the wildest.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Doctor, like, even the way they play,

[Mark Normand]

the style of play, like, do they do anything?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like the way you watch it get a home run. They put this. This elephant head on you like a Ganesh head, and then they knight you. And then it was crazy. It's. So you're being Guerreros rule. Yeah, dude, Guerreros are electric. What's the standings right now? Can you bet on Mexican league baseball? You can't.

[Andrew Schultz]

I tried.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, you can.

[Ari Shaffir]

It might be on season now. The playoffs was in, like, August. Close.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's so sick.

[Andrew Schultz]

Do you miss it at all?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. Hela.

[Andrew Schultz]

Interesting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hela. Interesting. Yeah. The freedom. The complete lack of responsibility. Responsibility. It. And I started, as I'm coming back, I started talking to Eric online about, like, let's let me do some of these edits. Let me make sure this is all run right. And, like, how do we plan this? Telling him my vision that I saw, how we're gonna, like, frame the show, but. But I'll deal with it in a week. Nope. And now it's like, I. I just remember every time I get back, it's like, oh, but the, the I'm gonna go this way that somebody tells you about some place and you're like, it. Yeah, it. I'm going this way. That's. So except for meeting O' Neal in Machu Picchu and being in Ushuaia on

[Andrew Schultz]

December 19, that was the only thing.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And is there a part of you that if you didn't have to. Have to is the wrong word. But like, if you weren't creating, you would like to just do that as your life.

[Ari Shaffir]

There is, you know how you look back on your life and you're like. There's a sliding doors moment where you're like, you might not have done this if you took a job, you know, in something and it was like, close, close. You were down to the last two of getting this job and you wouldn't. If I got the job building a website at the health network or Discovery Channel, I wouldn't be a stand up. Yeah. And I was trying for it and I was close or make. There's on this trip, there's a step or two where I'm just not coming home. Wow.

[Andrew Schultz]

I felt that when I was living in Barcelona.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just like, why am I going back?

[Andrew Schultz]

I was living like €10 a day, €5 spent to get into the nightclub. It was so much fun. I was with these guys who were kind of like, no tips expected.

[Mark Normand]

One person tells you that fisherman story and you're like £4.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Why am I working so hard? I should just fish all day.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

What the hell am I doing?

[Ari Shaffir]

But, yeah, maybe I just won't actually. And it was an option.

[Andrew Schultz]

I got scared. I was like, ooh, this is too comfortable. I got to get back to this isn't reality.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, one good date and then you're stuck there. Yeah, one good date and you don't leave.

[Andrew Schultz]

Isn't that crazy?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it is reality.

[Andrew Schultz]

It is.

[Ari Shaffir]

Why can't it be?

[Andrew Schultz]

And my friend friends there, that kind of was their life. Some like Russian kid who moved there and he was there kind of illegally and he was finding ways to make ends meet. And like we were living in some illegal dwelling and like with the electric meter so we didn't have to pay electricity, like, but the life was great. And I was like, I gotta. I gotta walk back in.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right.

[Mark Normand]

There's a brave. There's a bravery in accepting the mundane, though, I think, like being like, you

[Ari Shaffir]

know, I mean, if you have to raise a kid and you're trying to man up about it, you want to leave. You want to be like rabbit or something running. But, like, overall, no, no, That's a cowardice.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no, no.

[Mark Normand]

I think, like, almost accepting mediocrity to be like, you know what? This is good enough. Like, what I have is enough. And I don't know. I don't want. I don't need to chase this crazy dream, whatever I have in front of me.

[Ari Shaffir]

Appreciating that. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's what he meant by mundane. Like, if you're just living a life in some random town, America, going, this is awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I am now appreciating the living little things here. Brushing my teeth with sink water is like a joy that I know I'll lose, but I Every time, like, no, this is crazy what I'm doing right now. It's weird how you're like, flushing toilet paper instead of throwing it away where someone else can smell it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. The brain turns back on when you come back to the first world.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm seeing that. I'm still seeing this as an outsider, so I'm starting to see what people are doing. The amount everyone here is consumed with politics.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is kind of wild. I forgot about it. And you come back, the mothership green room. Like, guys, there's sports going on.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Say something.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, there's.

[Ari Shaffir]

There's. Tell me about a chick that was hot. Something, dude.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did you ever see someone with cerebral palsy fall mention that these are fun moments. Let's connect. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, it just. It just becomes, like, part of culture.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And it's like, do you guys even care about this? For real? Like, for real, for real. Are you expected to care?

[Andrew Schultz]

I don't. I don't know if it's expected. Expected to care.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's all around. I just think so. Then, like, everyone's talking about this. I guess. Like, I guess if you're not into football and the Super Bowl's happening, you're gonna sort of be into it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't care about the Oscar. I hate actors. But when the Oscars comes up, it's in my purview.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I guess that's what happens here.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's inescapable. If you're spending six hours on your phone.

[Ari Shaffir]

Right. Which is what you get affected by.

[Mark Normand]

And they pull the move of. If you're not political, you're actually privileged. Like, you're actually privileged, which I take that privilege. I'll take that privilege. The sentence.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's a nice privilege.

[Mark Normand]

I get it. But it's also like.

[Ari Shaffir]

But also, you know who else does. Is not political. Some fucking struggling Dominican in the Bronx, you know, who's like, I don't have. I don't have time for that. I'm trying to pay my rent.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So it's like, no, I actually think it's an act of revolution to be like, I'm not caring about this. Let me ask you how your kid is or you're, you know something. Let's talk in real life, one on one. Let's actually connect with my friends. That's the way to fight back. Let's go see a movie. Man me something good. Instead of like, find out what some politician did in some place that you have know it'll affect you, but you can't change. I don't know. Let's hang out.

[Andrew Schultz]

I agree with you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bigger place in town.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Couple weird questions. Did your body have to get used to the food? Cuz like the water. Different type of cuisine.

[Ari Shaffir]

I brought back with me a diarrhea from Mexico, from Brazilian street meat at carnival that stayed with me for two weeks and I just took a solid log. I mean, just took one. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Cause that's rough. Like what do you do with the water and shit?

[Ari Shaffir]

Like, I mean, you can't. I got food four times.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bobby Kelly said this. It's funny. He goes, it is safer. It is more dangerous to brush your teeth with tap water there than it is to brush your teeth here with toilet water.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

That's probably 100%. That is kind of crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's how cool crazy. We live. We have drinkable toilet water.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, I used to joke about that about like most countries don't have water and I take a in drinking water every single day. It is wild the things we take.

[Ari Shaffir]

But like how first world we were like, I'm not. Will you flush before you're like, I'm not shitting on pissy water. Yeah. So what was the question?

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no, no. It was just about did your body body get used to.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, my knees got from. From carrying around £75 on me all the time. My knees were both like. And they're now recovering, but it was like running with this backpack. It was like not great for you.

[Andrew Schultz]

How many pairs of pants? Like how many pairs of sneakers? Like what is the.

[Ari Shaffir]

What is the bring pack super light everything. Get every one backpack, one Osprey 55L with a. With a 15 extra zip off pouch pack. It has to be able to open overhead in case.

[Andrew Schultz]

But give me, give me the. The quantity of pair of hiking pants,

[Ari Shaffir]

a pair of jeans. Jeans Also, most people, like, don't bring jeans. That's too heavy.

[Andrew Schultz]

But.

[Ari Shaffir]

But I like jeans. I wear jeans. Even when it's hot, I wear jeans. Pair of jeans, pair of hiking pants, shoes. They have to be usable for two things. So hiking shoes that are dark enough, color that I could wear if I went to a decent restaurant.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Hiking boots, zero chance. No boots, way too big.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Take half your.

[Ari Shaffir]

When you go to Machu Picchu, anything you need to rent in Cusco for that, you could show up with shorts and nothing else, and you can rent it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So rented boots. I rented every rain gear. Poncho, one of those little ones for the rain.

[Andrew Schultz]

Ah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Your pills. Zithromycin.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you'll take eight months of pills?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, but.

[Mark Normand]

But enough zpats.

[Ari Shaffir]

I hate to say this, but the healthcare system here is. Pales in comparison to a lot.

[Andrew Schultz]

Meaning you can just walk into the pharmacy, get whatever.

[Ari Shaffir]

I need a trip. I need zithromycin. 500 milligram, three of them. Like, okay.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wow.

[Ari Shaffir]

What? No one's ODing on this. Yeah, you're naming it. You definitely want that. I had to get my eye treated. I got pink eye from some hostel in Peru. And. And I went into a pharmacist, and I'm like, hey. He goes, is it itchy or is it. Is it pain? Pain? Is it wet or is it dry? And I told him, he's like, all right, all right. Take these drops three times a day for five days. Should be clear. It was. There's no have to go to a doctor who then has to tell you to go to another doctor, who then has to tell you to go to a pharmacist. Even with insurance, you're still paying more than I paid for the same chemicals there.

[Mark Normand]

How annoying is that? You go to a doctor, they go, yeah, you pick it up over there.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's a place that you're pretty annoying. Yeah. What the fuck?

[Ari Shaffir]

So I had to get a cortisone shot in my knee. I had surgery, and it was, like, wearing off from all the stress in Brazil. I went to a doctor in Salvador, and he. He was like, okay, let's do it. I had to wait all day, but still.

[Mark Normand]

But you got.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then a day later, I'm like, oh, I'm fine again.

[Andrew Schultz]

And you weren't in a rush?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Mark Normand]

How you pink ey?

[Ari Shaffir]

Do you know what?

[Mark Normand]

Do you know how you got pink ey?

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't always wash these sheets. Right. These hostels, sometimes you just, like, oh, I'm just going to make this bed.

[Luis J. Gomez]

They nickname girls hostels now.

[Andrew Schultz]

Dude. I was.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was in East Timor a long time ago when I went to Southeast Asia and I. I was in Dilly, the capital, and I. And I picked a zit and then I. I didn't realize, but I. It was bleeding, not heavily, but a little bit. And I laid on the pillow, I was like, ah. And there's this little piece of blood that big. And then I went on this like motorcycle ride, moped ride around the country for about a week and came back to that hostel. I was like, oh, I got my bed again and the pit blood is right there on its tail. And I'm like, you know guys, once you get bedbugs, the words out, you're done as a business. Yeah, yeah, you gotta really search like reviews for bedbugs if you see any. Like, can't stay here. I cannot stay here. I can't risk throwing away all my stuff. So if you buy any shirt, if you bought like a, like a, you know, a shella jersey, I gotta chuck a T shirt.

[Andrew Schultz]

Ooh.

[Ari Shaffir]

I had a hoodie that I brought that I don't need from Chilcote Charlie's. They gave me an Anchorage and I was like, I have no. I didn't play there. So I have no emotional connections, but it was a black hood. And I ended up. I lost it in a. Something bad happened and I lost it. Got blood all over it. It was done and then.

[Andrew Schultz]

What bad?

[Ari Shaffir]

There's a. We. Me and o' Neal found a. We found a. A kid. Yeah, it was whatever. What? Yeah, it was. It was stressful. Yeah, just some kid was hurt and we had a.

[Andrew Schultz]

Is he okay?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, he survived.

[Andrew Schultz]

Well, yeah. Say that part of the story, right? Jesus.

[Mark Normand]

That Machu Picchu?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, this is near Rainbow Mountain, near. Near Peru. Near Cusco.

[Mark Normand]

But he got an accident.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, him and his sister.

[Andrew Schultz]

Is she okay?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they both. They're both fine.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay.

[Mark Normand]

Life threatening injuries.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And you guys were the first ones on the scene?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And you brought pretty up by it, to be honest.

[Mark Normand]

You brought them to a place?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we brought them to a hospital. We were in the middle of nowhere. These are villager kids.

[Andrew Schultz]

What the hell?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Oh, did you have like any run ins with like cartel and like that medine one?

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, outside of that, yeah. But no, no, no, no. Anyway, the sweatshirt's gone, so then it's like sick. I get to get a new. I get to get a new look at the positive I get to get a new something from local that I'll have as a souvenir and a memory of a place.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Mark Normand]

That is a good way to look at it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Mark Normand]

And some kid got a new sweatshirt.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And then at some point when I left the Andes, I was like, I don't need warm weather stuff anymore. And I'm chucking this. I've been carried around for forever.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Any experiences with like witches, Spiritual stuff?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I just told this story on. On Tom was interviewing me about my trip. But yeah, I found a witch in. In Abuja in Peru, in Lima. I mean, I just told this on UB Tripping.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did she believe you believed it? No, sorry.

[Ari Shaffir]

Did.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you believe she. She believed it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Did you believe it?

[Ari Shaffir]

Dude, she had. So yeah, we all went to the witch market in Lima in a place do not go there.

[Mark Normand]

Why?

[Ari Shaffir]

It is dangerous.

[Mark Normand]

In what way?

[Ari Shaffir]

It outside of the. There's a witch market area of a main market, but just outside that market it is locals. Like, I am not dropping you off a block away.

[Mark Normand]

They'll rob you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, yes.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Why'd you go?

[Ari Shaffir]

I wanted to see the witch market. I listen, I travel a lot. I'm not a good traveler. I have some, some notes here there. Like, I have good advice. I'm not. I was in Athens playing and at the end of my show, I'm like, I'm going to walk home. So nice out, you know. And. And the guy's like, no, I'll. I'll drive you home. And I was like, n. It's night, it's 70° out. I'm in Athens. I want to see it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And he goes, no, dude, I'll drive you home. And I was like, bro, I travel a lot. I'm. I'm. I'll be fine. He goes, well, then you would know. You're going to walk right through here Heroin alley and they will rob you. I'm like, oh, no, I didn't. He goes, I'll drive you further away if you want to walk. They're like, no, I can't let you walk through there. Fair.

[Mark Normand]

And what is a witch market?

[Ari Shaffir]

So they have like fresh produce area. They have. They have like shoes area. All the, all the goods are in one place. All pants, all indigenous garb, all like plumbing equipment. So it's like 20 stores in a row. And then in this one certain one ones have like something unique to just there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

So just a bunch of witches.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's all this like crazy fruit. You've Never heard of in Brazil. And it's all these witches and they're at some real. Some are fakers. According to them. They're like, oh, she's real, he's real. Don't listen to him, don't listen to him. Don't listen to her.

[Andrew Schultz]

And how are they dressed?

[Ari Shaffir]

Indigenous garb, not, not like hats, but just like some Bolivians. Tons of spells, tons of. Tons of bruise and like, and like ground up frog.

[Andrew Schultz]

What'd you ask for?

[Ari Shaffir]

I didn't ask for any. I asked for to get my coca leaves red. And because I was like, fun, I asked about this show, the end. So they go. She goes, so. So I'm there with a few people from the hostel. I hooked up with one of them and they're getting their tarot card read. I'm cutting once a month. I had to do my ads for my podcast and then do all my. Hey, my Instagram store stories I sent off to one person at YMH would forward to everybody. Like, check out, you know, Tom Rhodes on my podcast. Okay. Check out this guy on my podcast. I. I re pre recorded 100.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I had a year plus of podcast that would just come out while I'm gone. Yeah, I did it right. They're off getting their tarot read. This guy stops in the middle and looked at one of the chicks and was like, there's a guy that you've had had sex with who is cursed. And these two chicks are getting their terror red. He stops in the middle of it and talks about an unrelated person who he's never met. I was off on my own thing way away. I didn't drop them off at the door. They went and found this guy. He's cursed and he needs a. A kuy negro treatment. Cleansing a cool.

[Mark Normand]

What?

[Ari Shaffir]

Black guinea pig.

[Andrew Schultz]

Sorry.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, I'm helping you, bro. Like, what? You're like, yeah. Thought someone said it and they told me later. They're like, he stopped and they went back to the tarot. And he went back, goes, hey, I'm not joking. You've been connected somehow. Is there a guy in your life? And she's like, I mean, I guess recently, yeah, he's got a curse on him. I could feel it on you. Not the other chick, just the one chick. And so. And then he was like, all right, here's your fortune, whatever. And they're just told me that. I'm like, that's. That's crazy. We're in a different whole area. I mean, these are like blocks wide. I'm like, it's funny. Like, you know what? I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get my coca leaves. Red. We passed one. I was like, hey, I want to do cocoa. You want to go, Tero? I'm like, nah, coca leaves. And she's doing. It's fun. It's a nickel, you know, more, but, like, not much. And she's throwing down coca leaves. She goes, do you have any questions that you want to ask? I didn't know how it worked. And I was like, yeah. I was like, I have a project coming. How's it going to go? She goes, all right. It's not like you. It's not going to go exactly like you planned, but it will be successful. Who knows what the fuck that means? Successful is lots of different things, different people. So who knows? I was like, okay, interesting. And then she's like, okay. And then. And then you. You. Hey, I'm sorry. You got a real bad curse on you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Holy shit.

[Ari Shaffir]

And I was like, and this is a different person, 100% different person. A Bolivian witch.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You don't think they're, like, talking amongst.

[Ari Shaffir]

Listen, all this is possible, okay? But, like, that one didn't know. Why not try to cheat the girls? Why not get the upsell on them? Yeah. And I was like, what? She goes, it's a. I can feel it, man. It's a bad curse. And then she's like, okay. She goes, you need a black cuy treatment. You need a cuy negro treatment. Cleansing. I was like, well, let me think about it. And this was like seven nickels. So I'm like, all right. I don't know. Then went outside, got something to eat. Came all, got robbery attempt on the way back. Some old lady stopped in front of me. I'm like, oh. And everyone's pushing, and I'm like, so crowded. And then somebody later was like, hey, check your back wallet. Like, they. That was a. They're in their team. I didn't have anything in my back pocket, so. So I'm like, oh, cool. One of the chicks, like, my necklace is gone. Oh, wow. Yeah. Yeah. So I was like, I'm going to do it. It's fun. Even if it's nothing, I'm. It's still fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

Absolutely.

[Ari Shaffir]

You know, I mean, you'll get your fortune teller right here. If it's like. It's like I'm drunk. Let's do it. Yeah. So she starts, I have to hold this black guinea pig in my shirt in my Medellin soccer team jersey, knockoff shirt. It's clawing at me. She's got, like, a swath over me. What the fuck? Yeah, I could see. I got some pictures, like, I could show you. It's just me with this thing, and it's, like, clawing. She goes, you gotta pet it. It's actually still an animal, so calm it down. Couple hours. She's like, you gotta let it soak up the whatever. And then afterwards, she was like, okay, let's take it out. And then she, like, says all these incantations. What's your name? And I was like, ari Shafir. She. Undo your hands. I'm like, okay. She takes me to the back. I'm. Undo my hands. And then she's like, what's your father's name? And she says her. My name. My last name, over and over again. And then she, like, hits me with these. With these leaves. It's like these, like, flowers. She puts, like, all this water on and starts slapping me with it. She said the word. I just spent time in Portugal. My Spanish was gone. Shit. Take it. Which I thought she. Toma or K?

[Andrew Schultz]

Toma.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I think Toma, But I thought she meant keep this. But she meant take the pain.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also, she's Bolivian, so it's a different accent from Peru. You get used to each accent. She like, forget it. You will not understand them. Yeah, like what? And then you get to, like. And then you get to Argentina, Uruguay, and they put ch's.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Is that.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I'm like, what? Yeah. So, yeah, she starts slapping me. She takes these swords and goes like this on my back and my. And my side and my stomach. They have swords. Two, like, swords like this long. It just goes like. I turn around.

[Luis J. Gomez]

But, like, cutting the skin.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was scared. No, just, like, right next to me. And then. And then taps me with this. And she's like, okay, no meat today. Today. Oh. So then she takes this koi skinny pig, and it's like, going, whatever. And she's rubbing it on me. And then. And then it's like, whatever. And then it's just like. It just died.

[Andrew Schultz]

The guinea pig died?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Like she killed it or it just stopped being.

[Ari Shaffir]

She squeezed it. I don't know. I don't know. I mean, it's. Listen. I don't know. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Did you see it die?

[Ari Shaffir]

She goes, if it's an okay curse, it'll live either way, you're getting the treatment. And if it's a major curse, it ain't surviving gonna make it yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

So you sacrifice a guinea pig for yourself.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Takes the curse. And then she goes, hey, that's not enough. You gotta do another one. She goes. She goes, this is a worse curse than I thought. You gotta do it. I'm like, okay. She goes, just one. Plus you gotta need a frog treatment at the same time. And we'll read your egg. She cracked this egg in water, and she sees all these tendrils, and she goes, these are people who have evil eyes on you. What this is loved ones. It's fun. It's fun. Either way, the healthcare is good there.

[Mark Normand]

That's amazing. This is wild. They're getting this all done right now.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

So I was like, hey. She goes, no meat, no coffee for day. Come back tomorrow. I was like, hey, I got reservations. That. This is my one splurge at a really nice restaurant in Lima tomorrow. She goes, okay, come back the next day then. But then that morning, no meat. Whatever. But definitely no meat today. Went back again. Did you do no meat the next day? She goes, you can do it. But the day after, don't meet that day. Yeah, I don't fuck with it. You ayahuasca, it was same. They were like, hey, eight more days, no meat. Do not. With this, no sex. I forgot about masturbation. I don't remember what they said, but, like, no sex, no meat, no booze. And they go, don't with it. I was like, can't have a cigar, can I? And they're like, why wouldn't you be able to have a cigar? I don't know. Like, it's a sister drug. I'm like, I don't.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, they use that in ayahuasca ceremonies.

[Andrew Schultz]

They'll blow it in your face.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah. They take it. They squeeze it this with liquid, whatever, and they go snort it. And you're like, oh, yeah, you work. Yeah. But they said. They. They said, like we said, seen people like a couple here. And they're like, all right, six days later, like, we're good now. Let's have sex. And they go. They start fighting. They broke up like, two months later.

[Andrew Schultz]

Okay, so tell me, you go back.

[Ari Shaffir]

Go back. Way bigger. Cuy. Guinea pig.

[Andrew Schultz]

Gotcha.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also negro. You know what that word is? That is the right word. That way calmer, way bigger. Held it again for a few hours. And a frog that she put in a plastic bag that suffocated it instantly. She wasn't pretending. That took a curse. She's. You gotta hold that next to you. Same thing you gotta wide. Okay. Can I stand up? You still have me. Okay. Does the same again. All the. All the stuff, all the shakers, you know, the beads in a thing. And then she's taking it and rubbing it on me, and it's like squealing, whatever. And. And it's like, just normal, like regular. Gets my foot. Oh. So I asked her about the curse, and she goes. I was like, who cursed me? She goes, I don't think it was meant for you, to be honest. I think you stepped in someone else's curse. It was meant for someone else and you got in the way.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, no. You pissed a lot of people off

[Ari Shaffir]

at one time, I think, buddy. I asked, I said, was this curse somewhere around January?

[Andrew Schultz]

I asked.

[Ari Shaffir]

I go, I 100%. I know when this.

[Mark Normand]

They come from Southern California was that.

[Ari Shaffir]

I knew in this case. Yeah. I was like, was it in the Southern California area right around January of 2019? And she goes. She goes, no, no, no, it was not. I was like, are you sure? Cuz I know I had a lot of say to my doing for a sec. I was like, I know when this came. She goes, no, it wasn't meant for you. Wow, bro. I asked her specifically that.

[Mark Normand]

Was it a woman you hooked up with or something? Is that the idea?

[Ari Shaffir]

She. It wasn't meant for me. It wasn't somebody putting on me me. It was like, you stepped in it,

[Luis J. Gomez]

but, like, like, literally stepped in it.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's what I don't understand. There's like language barriers and there's colloquial baby in this country. Can mean cute girl In.

[Andrew Schultz]

In.

[Ari Shaffir]

In Israel. It doesn't mean

[Andrew Schultz]

so wrong.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so wrong.

[Mark Normand]

Wait, what does it mean in Israel?

[Ari Shaffir]

It means a child. They don't have the hey baby say that. They're like, what are you talking about? They say, pass the chicken. They go like, it. It's foul. You don't think chicken.

[Mark Normand]

It's like poultry.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, poultry. So anyway, so she's rubbing it on me, and when it gets to my left leg, it starts going crazy. And she goes, oh, yeah, you stepped in it. That's where you got it on your foot. And I was like, really? She goes, yeah. I mean, it's going nuts again. I don't know. I don't know, but it was interesting. And then she goes up. It kind of stops. She goes, oh, yeah. And then she gets to the other leg and it goes dead. That's where you stepped in it. Your right leg, your right foot.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then. Are you cured of it?

[Ari Shaffir]

She goes, you could I have some charms I want you to keep with you for about a year. I'm going to take a picture of you. I'm going to put it on my. I'm going to talk to her for a while. What's Bolivia like? Have you ever been to Machu Picchu? She goes, yeah, man, We. We had to cross over through there and talk. I'm two. Two hours, three hours. I'm like, two different times I'm talking. You don't have to, like, chant or anything. So, yeah. She goes, it was there. Stepped on your right foot. And then she goes, I'm. Take a picture. I'm going to put it on my. On my table. I'm going to pray for you. But you're good. You're good. No meat tonight, no coffee. All I was good. No coffee, no cigarettes tomorrow. You're fine. Wow. So she goes, you're good. She did say, this is interesting. Maybe you'll agree with this. She goes, it's not like this curse is completely. Completely stopped you, but you're not as far along as you should be. You're a little bit behind. And that's the. It's the curse. It's. It's like. It's like where they used to grab Curry's jersey early on before he got the calls. And it's like it just made him a little bit slower.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

I was like, yeah, I've thought that sometimes now in Nicaragua, they say, yeah, why don't you have more followers? Peru dog. We know why.

[Andrew Schultz]

What the hell?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. So what happened?

[Mark Normand]

Like, either you're cursed.

[Ari Shaffir]

I checked in with her guinea pig guy. I checked in with her, wasn't like, you got to come back in. She goes, you're good now. She wasn't. She didn't continue to upsell me.

[Mark Normand]

And you spent a total of what, like 10 bucks?

[Ari Shaffir]

No, probably 40 or 50. I mean, the kui itself, if you eat a kuy, it's like $30, right. It's not a nothing thing. So. But they didn't prepare it, but, like,

[Andrew Schultz]

went through a couple.

[Ari Shaffir]

Went through a couple. Yeah. So the second. Okay, so the second one, she takes a razor blade. Oh, my God. She takes a razor blade. She cut. She, like, pinches the skin kind of like this, you know, and she cuts. Not the flesh, just the skin.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Pulls it apart. And so now she's exposing the. The flesh of you, of the cuy.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then this thing goes like that. Just pops out of it. Just goes on its own of. Of whatever.

[Luis J. Gomez]

This wall is still Alive or after?

[Andrew Schultz]

Dead.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, okay. Not the dick. I know what you're thinking. Just in the middle of its belly. Cuz it's there. That's. That's the curse trying to get out now. And I'm like, what do you do with the. What do you do with the cuy? And she goes, not garbage, just not that it's done. It's not like we don't have to bury or anything. I love it. Like, what do you mean? Let me do it.

[Mark Normand]

No, it. Was it a magic trick?

[Ari Shaffir]

Probably, but I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

But like, you've seen magic before. Did it feel like that? Was there a little part?

[Ari Shaffir]

Looking for holes in the game. I believe in the game. I'm like, did the first one. The first one didn't even see me. I was long away. Why not upsell the girls? Yeah, they're going to upsell a guy who's not maybe even here.

[Andrew Schultz]

Did you communicate it to the girls? Like, did you guys have that conversation?

[Ari Shaffir]

They told me, but it wasn't near the other bruja.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no, no. I'm saying at any point in time, did you have this conversation where the girl goes, yeah, she told me I was with somebody who was cursed. And then you go, I was just told I have a curse.

[Ari Shaffir]

They told me that. First I was like, that's crazy. And then.

[Andrew Schultz]

Then you went.

[Ari Shaffir]

Then I went to another one. Far away.

[Andrew Schultz]

Got it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. What was your question? I deal with witches. Yeah, Good lead. This is crazy. This is crazy.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's so much more fun to believe it.

[Ari Shaffir]

It's so much more fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

More fun to believe it.

[Ari Shaffir]

Like a great storyteller. You got really, Evans. Like, stop asking dumb questions.

[Andrew Schultz]

Why are you asking the dumb?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, we're having a good time.

[Andrew Schultz]

Time. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

It doesn't matter. We're not basing our lives.

[Andrew Schultz]

But now Mark is going to be.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I know, I'm just stewing on this. Go to the witch market. But I'm telling you, no. There was no cab driver that would let me off more than directly at an entrance to the witch, to the market itself. You gotta get in there.

[Mark Normand]

Moses go to. Goes to Ramsey's and. And then, you know, they have their sorcerers that make the staff. Everyone's got their source into a snake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, that was real magic, just different magic.

[Mark Normand]

But the people, people were like. Oh, they were doing like a magic trick where like they had a snake that they were able to like hypnotize to be stiff.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then they turn, turn. All right, maybe I don't know. I know there's more to the world than I know.

[Andrew Schultz]

Do you feel uncursed?

[Luis J. Gomez]

Five?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes. I don't know. But I'll tell you something I was never quite able to accomplish is getting my storyteller going again since I had the curse, I think. And now. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

April 18th.

[Ari Shaffir]

The end.

[Mark Normand]

April 16th.

[Ari Shaffir]

But you lose that pre sale money if you don't get it after the 15th. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And if you don't get it, you might be cursed.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I had. But dude, I had a blast.

[Mark Normand]

Do you have the charms on you?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, they're my other pants. I don't not take them around a year.

[Andrew Schultz]

Can we see what they look like?

[Ari Shaffir]

They're just little things. She put. She puts stuff on them. Yeah, I can go get them.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. Can you get them? Really? What do we got with Cal? What are we doing with cows right now?

[Mark Normand]

If you got the World Cup, I'm in. France is going to take it. Come on, you already know. This is the only sporting event that I care about. It's the only thing that actually gets me.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Wait, but do they still got the player that. The training.

[Mark Normand]

Okay, that's not.

[Andrew Schultz]

That's.

[Luis J. Gomez]

If he's on the team, you guys got it. If he's not.

[Mark Normand]

It sounds like you're saying in a libelous or slanderous way.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, no, no, no.

[Andrew Schultz]

I.

[Luis J. Gomez]

With that guy. That's my favorite player. Not because.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah,

[Mark Normand]

yeah, is good.

[Andrew Schultz]

What do we got? Oh, they're saying Spain has the best chance of winning.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Andrew Schultz]

The.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I'm talking about why I got so excited.

[Ari Shaffir]

Who's your favorite player?

[Mark Normand]

Who's your favorite Spanish player?

[Luis J. Gomez]

The guy who got herpes.

[Andrew Schultz]

Who's that?

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't know. He's like, I forgot his name, bro.

[Mark Normand]

You only know the crazy story. You're actually gay.

[Ari Shaffir]

This is a little bit all they talk about.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, he's like, I drink alcohol thing. You're like, dude, a dick was on it.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's awesome.

[Mark Normand]

Or gross. Wait, what did I say?

[Ari Shaffir]

Why my nails painted?

[Andrew Schultz]

Cut it out.

[Ari Shaffir]

Guy said he had 11 bags in his dick.

[Mark Normand]

Bro, you just need to bounce on it one time. Get it over. Just bounce over with.

[Ari Shaffir]

Stop it. Stop.

[Andrew Schultz]

How far in it goes. Stop touching his dick right now while you sit.

[Mark Normand]

You never take a big and think, man, a dick could fit in there.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Mark Normand]

You never did that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Nope.

[Mark Normand]

Same.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No.

[Ari Shaffir]

You ever taking a big. It feels good.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Nope, nope, nope. Spain.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's right. Spain.

[Mark Normand]

That's what you're going to be feeling

[Ari Shaffir]

when you get dicked. Doesn't make sense. But it's funny. I like it. Pain.

[Andrew Schultz]

Little pain.

[Mark Normand]

Pain. His sp. All right.

[Ari Shaffir]

You get what I'm saying?

[Andrew Schultz]

15, 18%. Thank God. It.

[Mark Normand]

Who do you think wins the World Cup?

[Ari Shaffir]

I. Who's. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

Who do you want to win, rather?

[Ari Shaffir]

I'd love Ecuador to win, but my boys.

[Mark Normand]

David got excited for that.

[Ari Shaffir]

He from Ecuador?

[Mark Normand]

Yeah. His family's from Quito.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah, that's right. We talked about it. Yeah, He's. He's eaten anything before.

[Andrew Schultz]

What's the US Chances?

[Mark Normand]

Pretty good, right?

[Andrew Schultz]

We got that. Pretty good.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

The girls he takes down, we got our.

[Andrew Schultz]

All right, let me see the charms. Us taking it. 3%. That's where the money is, gang.

[Mark Normand]

Can you touch the charms, or is that bad?

[Ari Shaffir]

You can touch them. You asked. They're just like regular little trinkets. And she put like.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Sure you want to do that?

[Ari Shaffir]

Shout out. Anna lose. Shout out.

[Mark Normand]

You walk over. He gives me. Believing in demons. He wants marginal.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's marginal benefit.

[Ari Shaffir]

I mean, this looks like. Yeah. I don't know. Just three.

[Mark Normand]

Can you put it on his lap real fast?

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no, I don't do.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. You said these are all good, not real. Yeah, she's got their charms. These are good luck.

[Luis J. Gomez]

No, these are good luck. I believe it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, they're good luck.

[Mark Normand]

You got that from a Kinder Surprise.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow. Yeah, it's fast. On their own, they're not. I don't think they're anything. I think she put shout out Anna lose.

[Andrew Schultz]

Anna lose.

[Ari Shaffir]

Or her sister Anna lose, too.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's dope.

[Mark Normand]

That's how they named them.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, both. They're both like Dr. Seuss vibes, like

[Mark Normand]

getting one that's fire.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Come on. Get it. Feel it. Feel this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. I carry him around with me. I don't know. My father, right? It. It looks like.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, this is Virgin Mary.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just some statue, maybe.

[Andrew Schultz]

And then this is a snake.

[Ari Shaffir]

Wow.

[Andrew Schultz]

There you go.

[Ari Shaffir]

Charms, trinkets.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yo, yo.

[Ari Shaffir]

You're not gonna touch.

[Mark Normand]

I guess if you can. If you can step in a curse, you can probably step in a blessing, right? Yeah, that's it.

[Andrew Schultz]

You step into a blessing right now, man.

[Ari Shaffir]

Step in a blessing. It's outside. It's like a country song.

[Mark Normand]

I mean.

[Ari Shaffir]

All right.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. I mean.

[Mark Normand]

Okay. There's a snake, bro. That's not good.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, snakes are good.

[Ari Shaffir]

Snakes are good.

[Andrew Schultz]

Always bad.

[Ari Shaffir]

Bad. Owls are always bad.

[Mark Normand]

The good st. You know about Adam, Eve.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, but the snake. Remember?

[Ari Shaffir]

You don't listen to it.

[Mark Normand]

No, but the. Eve did, and then it Destroyed humanity.

[Ari Shaffir]

Fair. I hear what you're saying. Y. Well, you're. Now

[Mark Normand]

don't. And then what is this? He was.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You were the last to touch it.

[Ari Shaffir]

So you. It's not like she didn't.

[Luis J. Gomez]

You got it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wasn't there another way of interpreting. Interpreting the snake?

[Mark Normand]

I mean, Gnosticism was saying the snake was actually the good guy.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

And that was actually the demiurge that created Adam and Eve and put him into this prison.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, weird. Nah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

I don't like that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Demogorgon. But I'll tell you. I'll tell you something that was, like, really cool. This is all. I meant to be funny on this, but so, like, this. That kind of story, if I had to do it for a storyteller show, I'm like, I gotta work some jokes into that don't change the reality.

[Andrew Schultz]

It already has tension, though. Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Jokes in to make it so it's not just like, can you believe it? Can you believe it? But also, like, she looked like a cross between clean this wood and Margaret Thatcher. You know, like, stuff like that. But here's something I realized when I got back is that I wasn't expecting. So I was gone for longer than I've ever been gone. I had and continue to have a legitimate joy in seeing my friends again. Like, saying hi to you. I still edited. And then when I'm saying, like, ah. It just, like, fills you up. It's like, how you been? I missed you.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Not even how you been. Just like, let me just look at you for a second. I don't know. Let me just take you in.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, it's the best.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

Brazil. Yeah.

[Luis J. Gomez]

Brazil got to you, bro.

[Ari Shaffir]

Brazil must have got to me.

[Andrew Schultz]

Let me just.

[Ari Shaffir]

Amazing. Chile was great. Saw Oasis in Sao Paulo.

[Andrew Schultz]

You got to see Oasis.

[Mark Normand]

I meant to ask you about that.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, Well, I missed them here. And I'm like. I'm like, oh, South America. I'm like, well, I gotta go.

[Mark Normand]

Which is the better place to see him?

[Ari Shaffir]

I heard more than America. Why?

[Andrew Schultz]

Why? Why better there?

[Mark Normand]

I mean, from what I understand is, like, they're the biggest in England.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. England and Ireland over there.

[Mark Normand]

And then they're second biggest in Argentina, specifically, like, South America. They have this vivacious, like, admiration for Oasis.

[Ari Shaffir]

It was all xylophone music until you get to Chile. And then it became rock and roll again.

[Andrew Schultz]

Interesting.

[Ari Shaffir]

Which is pretty interesting.

[Mark Normand]

But they must have gone crazy.

[Ari Shaffir]

Went crazy. So I heard they know every word in Ireland, Manchester, London, every word by heart. They grew up knowing them. And then in America, everyone Knows half the words. Eager. Went to like a couple and goes, yeah, Chicago. It just wasn't as cool a crowd.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah. They know two songs.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And then. And then back to. And then Australia. They know like three quarters or whatever. And then in South America they just knew every word. I mean these are like 25 year old. Like you weren't even alive when they were crazy. So fun. Everyone throwing piss in the air. That's why they were the bucket hats. The piss keeps going up in the air. That's why they start with the bucket hats on the ground.

[Mark Normand]

That's the floor.

[Ari Shaffir]

And that's why I'm like. I like being on the floor but I don't need a. I don't need them.

[Andrew Schultz]

So they're peeing into their own cups.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. They can't leave. And then like at some point during bass drops. Yeah. You can see videos of their concerts and you see this flying exactly where it's like, oh, they look like they're having fun, but it's like oh, what the.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And then during cigarettes and alcohol they all face away.

[Ari Shaffir]

I did.

[Andrew Schultz]

Wait, what do they turn the ports.

[Mark Normand]

Gus the port.

[Ari Shaffir]

He goes.

[Andrew Schultz]

I know how to do this.

[Ari Shaffir]

At soccer game or football games. And in Ireland. Let's see if you know what the you're doing.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And we all turn and this is so fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

And what's the.

[Mark Normand]

They all face away. I forget what it's from. It's from some soccer tradition. I think it's like Eastern European that I kind of got like co opted into.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. They started doing a soccer.

[Mark Normand]

Manchester City.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Face away. And then when they hit it, everyone turns around.

[Andrew Schultz]

Turns around.

[Ari Shaffir]

That's like disrespect or something. At University of Maryland, during basketball games, we used to. When they introduced their team, we'd read the newspaper like disinterested. And then when they were done, we'd chug it.

[Andrew Schultz]

You went to Maryland?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

How old are you again?

[Ari Shaffir]

170.

[Mark Normand]

They're vampires. I didn't know that.

[Ari Shaffir]

They actually cured me, dude.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, he's not cursed.

[Mark Normand]

He's actually Jewish.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, my boy went to Maryland. I wonder if he guys went to school this. He's 46, I think probably cuz I

[Ari Shaffir]

took a couple years off so probably overlapped.

[Andrew Schultz]

Get out. You know, just so we can may work.

[Ari Shaffir]

25,000 person school.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, but you.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, I see where you see might

[Andrew Schultz]

cuz you're religious at this time.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I was just losing it there.

[Andrew Schultz]

But he wasn't very religious.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

You Rekindle it, though.

[Ari Shaffir]

Spoke a lot of weed. So names.

[Andrew Schultz]

Fair enough.

[Ari Shaffir]

Also, by the way, when I'm gone, I could not. I could picture people, and I'm like, I don't. I don't have their name in me anymore. Like, these are friends. And I'm like, I can't call up their names. I just wasn't thinking about them.

[Mark Normand]

I'm like, that might be good. I'm like, we're not supposed to know so many people.

[Ari Shaffir]

So anyone I met when it came up that I was a standup comic, if they didn't recognize me, it came. First of all, they were like, that's the coolest job I've ever heard of. That's so cool. You're like, yeah, right. They would go, the hostile backpackers. Like, do you know Shane Gillis? Was like, pretty much only I know. Or do you know a local one? Or do you know know Shane Gillis? Except anyone from Brazil? Do you know h F? Like, I do. He told me about this restaurant. He told me about this place. I love it. He is their kid. I got told in Bolivia in the uni salads. This Brazilian guy told me. He goes, oh, you're a comedian. He goes, do you know Hoffy Bastos? They don't call him Rafi. And I was like, yeah, no, I mean, I know him. He gave me a list of stuff to do in Sao Paulo. And he goes, oh, my God. He was like, well. And he told me this joke that he got in trouble for and got driven out of Brazil for. And as this guy's telling me this joke, and I just start dying laughing. And he goes, no, it's a bad thing. He went over the line. I'm like, oh, I'm sorry. My natural reaction was that was legitimately funny. I'm sorry. I didn't know the backstory. He goes, yeah, you're supposed to hate it. I'm like, I didn't hate it even. You telling me you got in a comic? You don't. Yeah, yeah. He is the. And everywhere. Like, you know hoffy Basos? I'm like, yes. Yeah. I went to a restaurant he told me about. It was like a little high end, and they were like, sold out Saturday. And I was like, okay. My friend Hoffy Basos told me to go there, like, 7:30.

[Andrew Schultz]

No way.

[Mark Normand]

No way.

[Andrew Schultz]

Damn motion, Hoffy. You still got motion in the homeland.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, he's doing like, big, like, arena.

[Ari Shaffir]

He's their king.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

He was like the first guy for like, SNL Brazil or Something I think really, like they did snl Brazil and like, he hosted it. Like, he was like featured on it a bunch of times. He's massive over there.

[Ari Shaffir]

Massive. Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

And you wouldn't even know if you talked to him because he's so down. Loki, I'm glad you got pushed out of there because now we get him.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, dude.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, the whole thing was really cool. Just looking over the map now. I got a camper van, drove through Patagonia three weeks.

[Mark Normand]

Pretty sick, huh?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, just wild camping. Just pull over in a canyon and just like. Or by a river or something. Just the most gorgeous. Just the most gorgeous. I got a picture for you. Me with this dog and this like, steer skull in the middle of nowhere with his backdrop. I got to send it to you.

[Mark Normand]

Did you ever want to go home?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, a couple times. Miss my dogs.

[Mark Normand]

I mean, I'm over this.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

And what did you do in those moments?

[Ari Shaffir]

I got real weird around street dogs the whole trip.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, because you missed your dog?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I got real weird. I got into it. I'd say leftovers first and then eventually I'm like, these are wet in my pot. I don't want to do that. So I just buy treats and I'd be like, what's up, buddy? What's up? They'd be laying out there, you know, they're everywhere. How you doing? You good boy? And then let's say like, growl. I'm like, you're getting a treat. And they're like, what the. They'd be sleeping. And you pull one by them, they go, this a high end treat. Even like, trash. Like, I'm imported. They're like, what? Yeah, I told you that. Whatever the dog out there, I'm like, I learned some new pet techniques out there. Like this, rubbing that right in there. You put your legs together, they get their head in there and then you go like that. And they really like being like the like autistic boys, you know, where you get. They get offset and go like that. I don't know.

[Mark Normand]

You didn't grow up with dogs, did you?

[Ari Shaffir]

No.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's awesome. You got to make up for it now.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Oh, that's sweet.

[Ari Shaffir]

Saved a couple.

[Andrew Schultz]

Saved them?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

Meaning?

[Ari Shaffir]

Found one in El Salvador in this like, food festival town.

[Mark Normand]

Oh.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it was like, I mean, they're. They're all cute. They're all fun and cute. And if they're not friendly, they don't survive. You know, they won't Places won't allow dangerous Dogs out. Half of them are just in someone's house and they just open the door in the morning to come back for dinner.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Ari Shaffir]

And the other half are just street dogs, which I got sad about. And then I'm like, no, you guys are outlaws, living your life, doing whatever you want, making friends.

[Mark Normand]

You're kind of a street dog. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

You're traveling around.

[Ari Shaffir]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yes.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yes.

[Mark Normand]

You're living in a car.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah.

[Mark Normand]

Not so different.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. And I saw this purple fucking shit on his head and I was like, oh, that's cute. Did somebody. And then it was just a hole to his skull.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, my God.

[Ari Shaffir]

Oh, God.

[Andrew Schultz]

So Santo, Taco Santo heard it in the transition.

[Luis J. Gomez]

It's fine.

[Andrew Schultz]

No, no, we're not done with that story.

[Mark Normand]

Did you try to transition, buddy?

[Andrew Schultz]

No, we're not done with that story. They just heard you were here and they heard you were just in South America and they.

[Ari Shaffir]

No, they did not.

[Andrew Schultz]

I didn't swear.

[Ari Shaffir]

What do you mean?

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, they just heard you were here and they heard you came back from South America and they wanted to give you some.

[Ari Shaffir]

They know us. Oh, really?

[Mark Normand]

This is one of the best talking places in soho.

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm not doing a bit or a promo. I swear to God I didn't ask for them. And not only that, they've never done it for us.

[Ari Shaffir]

I know. Yeah.

[Andrew Schultz]

I'm like, what? Ye. You got some.

[Mark Normand]

So this is very new Mexican American comedian Ari Shafir.

[Andrew Schultz]

But continue with the story about the Mexico.

[Ari Shaffir]

By the way, number one. So. So, like, listen, America does a lot of great. Wow. Oh, Mexico, Russia sauce on movie theater concessions.

[Andrew Schultz]

What do you mean? What do they got?

[Ari Shaffir]

Split popcorns. Flavors. And the flavors are Dorito flavor popcorns with Dorito flavor plus Dorito crumples in the popcorn. You could do. Do the same thing with Cheetos. This is.

[Mark Normand]

Yeah, we need that over here.

[Andrew Schultz]

Can you rap so we can eat?

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah. Let's wrap.

[Andrew Schultz]

What? You seem like a person who. Let me get a. Let me get a little. Were there any, like, people from. How did you do the research? Were you on YouTube watching like other people do travels for you?

[Ari Shaffir]

Reading like, oh, no. Looking at pictures is the wrong way to go. Tip three, go. Don't look at pictures. Find your own way. The pictures are washed. They are. Hey, get out of my shot. So it seems like alone the reality is different and if you're expecting something amazing, it's not going to live up to that. So there was a hot springs in Patagonia that I didn't know about. And I just like. I was like, I'll go to this hot springs. And there was like crazy on this like sound. And you could do the hot spring, like carved out ones and then you could jump into the sound to like freezing water then back in. But it was like cloudy, but I didn't know what to expect. So you have these beautiful mountains behind, but a little cloudy. I thought the pictures would have been a disappointment. Without the pictures, I'm like, I didn't know anything about this thing.

[Andrew Schultz]

Right.

[Ari Shaffir]

And it was like, this is awesome. Anyway, tip three, don't look at pictures. But yeah, I go wrecks over, over blogs, blogs. That means everybody's doing it.

[Andrew Schultz]

Yeah, you gotta go direct to the

[Ari Shaffir]

people, get a recommendation, a real person that's there around now. It's like I went to this one thing. It was really sick.

[Andrew Schultz]

Anything you refuse to do.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Andrew Schultz]

She like, this never ends up working out. It's always a bad idea. It's not worth it.

[Ari Shaffir]

I don't think so. I mean, if everyone's going to like a nightclub, like, it's not my scene, guys. Yeah, you don't need to party. I got a big hike tomorrow. I'm not going to do that daytime. Yeah, but. But no, really went watching the prostitutes in Medellin. It was like a prostitute park.

[Andrew Schultz]

Oh, that's fire.

[Ari Shaffir]

Just buy crushed cigarettes, Lucy's and go smoke and watch them. It was. It was a lot of fun, actually. It was a lot of fun.

[Andrew Schultz]

Bari Shafir.

[Ari Shaffir]

Yeah, it's nice to see you guys.

[Andrew Schultz]

It's great to see you, dude. Make sure you go check it out. Go buy it right now. Barishafir.com or the end.

[Ari Shaffir]

Ymhstudios.com yeah, yeah, straight to that.

[Andrew Schultz]

And just indulge in masterful performance arts, standup comedy storytelling. You will love it, I promise you.

[Ari Shaffir]

If you have a favorite or if you probably a lot, reach out to them on Instagram after you see their stories and say I loved your story. Comic surveying. And that's actually the number one compliment we like. I saw your comedy and I liked it. Let them know you had a good time. That's a great idea. Yeah, Watch it with friends. It comes out right before 4:20. Watch them on 4:27 episodes. You're not getting through it in one day.

[Andrew Schultz]

No. What's the weekend?

[Ari Shaffir]

It's the weekend.

[Andrew Schultz]

Love you guys. Peace.

[Mark Normand]

Peace. And Tik tok Encountras short dramas Emotionales rapidos de.