Jimmy Kimmel FIRED, & Charlie Kirk Reaction w/ Mark Normand

Summary

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Flagrant w/ Akaash Singh: "Jimmy Kimmel FIRED & Charlie Kirk Reaction" w/ Mark Normand

Release Date: September 18, 2025
Main Theme: The pod takes on the hot-button political news of Jimmy Kimmel's firing and Charlie Kirk's assassination, free speech, media censorship, vengeance culture, and modern comedy’s boundaries—with guest Mark Normand.

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Episode Overview

This episode intertwines sharp comedic takes with serious disillusionment about American free speech, political violence, and the shifting boundaries of what’s considered "cancelable." The crew also dives into the changing comedy landscape, social media’s effects, parenthood, and cultural shifts in Brooklyn and beyond. Mark Normand joins in for a classic unruly hang—and gets personal on sex, stand-up, and the future of comedy.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Fallout: Jimmy Kimmel Fired & Charlie Kirk Assassinated

• 00:57–14:36 | Timeline, Facts, and Free Speech Concerns

  • Jimmy Kimmel's Firing: Schulz breaks down the chain of events—Kimmel comments on the Kimmel show angering FCC and major affiliate pressure, leading ABC to pull him off air. There’s speculation about FCC involvement and pressure due to impending media mergers (01:19-02:36).
  • Free Speech Under Fire: Schulz and co. are adamant that, even though they dislike Kimmel's comments, his firing signals a dangerous precedent for free speech (03:19-03:42).
  • “This seems like a big attack on free speech. And yeah, I think we've been pretty staunchly in favor of free speech.” — Andrew Schulz (01:45)
  • Parallels & Hypocrisy: The pod mocks how both left and right now weaponize cancel culture, flip-flopping on principles depending on the political team in power (02:54-04:32, 08:16-08:46; see Shultz’s notable rant at 02:57).

• 14:36–15:36 | Censorship & Power

  • The conversation turns to how affiliate owners and powerful broadcasters are able to pressure giants like Disney, a step up in power versus "Twitter mob” cancellations of the past.

• 15:36–18:21 | South Park, Kneejerk Reactions, and Timing

  • Brief coverage on the South Park episode pulled after Charlie Kirk's death. “Not cancel culture, just badly timed,” they argue—contrasting with outright censorship for political gain.

2. Vengeance, ‘Scorekeeping,’ and Cancel Culture’s Evolution

• 07:08–08:39 | The Vengeance Cycle & Living Together
  • The show lampoons both sides’ eagerness for vengeance, scorekeeping, and their failure to seek harmony:
    • “To me, that indicates back when the left was trying to cancel people on the right, you don’t really care about living in harmony with these people you have to be in the country with.” — Alex (07:54)
  • True ‘Getting Even’: Schulz riffs that the real “even” is getting to say whatever without fear, not tit-for-tat canceling (08:16–08:46).

3. Comedy: From Censorship to the Personal

• 18:21–40:22 | Making Comedy in a Dangerous, Changing World

  • Mark Normand’s Approach: Discusses rapid-fire material turnover, prepping for his next special, and how the internet and short clips have changed the game.
    • “I’ve auditioned for 9,000 roles. I’ve never gotten one.” — Mark Normand (00:41, 68:46)
    • “Everybody’s putting specials out every 10 minutes. I’m like, hey, slow down, slow down. Put out one good one.” — Normand (19:10)
  • Fatherhood’s Impact on Material: Mark discusses how having a kid has changed, but not softened, his approach to comedy. He resists the “baby guy” stereotype, keeping his edge (35:08-36:45).

• Cancel Culture in Comedy:

  • Normand recalls stricter “punching down” policing from previous comedy generations (36:45–37:04).
  • The group debates audience sensitivities, family attending shows, and their own comfort with edgier humor.

4. Modern Sex & Relationships (Flagrant Style)

• 47:14–54:50 | Marriage, Intimacy, and Kinks

  • Open, comedic talk on keeping marriage fresh, the awkwardness of sex post-kids, and pushing past “Catholic” discomfort.
  • Mark Normand’s advice: “You just got to do it and just grit your teeth and say that crazy dirty talk.… Dirty talk. Put a finger up there, eat this, lick that, pull that, yank this. It's like a bop it.” (53:17)
  • Discussion on breast milk, cross-cultural taboos, and breast milk vs. cow’s milk.

• Sexual Diversity & Non-Normative Kinks

  • Embracing healthy experimentation; riffing on trans relationships, sexual openness, and why shaming kinks isn't helpful (“Kink shaming, you mentioned no one kink shame. Like the ladies back when in my single days, I had a weird kink and women would flip out every time.”—Normand, 46:04).

5. Brooklyn, Gentrification, & Shifts in NYC

• 109:02–114:46 | New Brooklyn vs. Old Brooklyn
  • Old Brooklyn as the “toughest place in the world” vs. today's stereotype: “crunchy hipster.” (108:47–109:08)
  • Gentrification, policing of racial humor, and the strange, selective “wokeness” of new Brooklynites.
  • “It went from Biggie and Jay Z to this.” — Schulz (109:02)

6. Technology, Social Media, and Free Speech

• 74:12–82:15 | The Tech Overlords & Phone Generation
  • Tucker Carlson vs. Sam Altman: The pod admires Tucker’s “playing dumb” in grilling Altman over a murder conspiracy, using it as a window into the mindset of modern tech leaders (74:12–76:36).
  • Tech titans as “bullied nerds” now setting culture, pushing “big brain” priorities over humanity’s physical, irrational traits (77:56-80:33).
  • Phones and the Loss of Innocence: The group is surprisingly sincere about being glad to have grown up pre-smartphone, and mourns today's digital dependency.
    • “Isn't that weird? You would never say, Oh, I’m so glad I grew up before the car.” — Normand (81:41)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Free Speech and Censorship:

  • “This seems like a big attack on free speech.… And it is funny to watch right wing people just become left wing people.” — Andrew Schulz (01:45)
  • “The stuff that the left was canceling right people for, five, eight, ten years ago… the far left was poor… they had no power.… These guys have a lot more power.” — Schulz (13:18)

• On Vengeance & Scorekeeping:

  • “To me, that indicates… you don’t really care about living in harmony with these people you have to be in this country with.” — Alex (07:54)
  • “Getting even is now we can all say what we’d ever want to say, whatever we want to say.”— Schulz (08:27)

• On Parenting and Comedy:

  • “You want to be the baby guy, you don't be like, I love my kid. I'm sappy now. I'm the sentimental guy. So you got to still make it funny and with some edge.” — Normand (35:08)
  • “I used to be a janitor.… So like, talking on stage or writing jokes, it's just like, if I get to do this, I'm doing it.” — Normand (37:26)

• On Modern Relationships & Sex:

  • “Kink shaming. You mentioned no one kink shame. Like the ladies back when in my single days, I had a weird kink and women would flip out every time… after I orgasm, I like to leave.” — Mark Normand (46:11)
  • “You just got to do it and just grit your teeth and say that crazy dirty talk.… It's like a bop it.” — Mark Normand (53:17)

• On Tech & Society:

  • “We're letting nerds form the reality in the future. We live in thousand percent and it's hurting… it's not helping… the infighting. It's all bad.” — Mark Normand (78:41)
  • “Isn't that weird about the phone? …I’m so glad I grew up before it. That is a great point.” — Andrew Schulz (81:41)

• On Cancel Culture’s Power:

  • “The far left was poor, they had no power… these guys… are powerful dog.… If you own multiple affiliate news stations… that's power.… What's a little scarier is these guys have a lot more power than these guys.” — Schulz (13:18)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Jimmy Kimmel’s Firing, Censorship & Free Speech: 00:57–05:46, 13:13–15:36
• Scorekeeping & Cancel Culture: 07:08–08:39, 14:36–15:36
• South Park & Distinguishing Cancellations: 15:36–17:15
• Comedy Post-Tragedy & Mark Normand on Stand-Up: 18:21–21:21
• Parenthood Changes in Comedy: 35:08–36:45
• Sex, Marriage, Kinks: 47:14–54:50
• Brooklyn’s Shifts: 109:02–114:46
• Tech Oligarchs, Social Media & Society: 74:12–82:15

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Episode Character & Tone

The podcast is true to its “flagrant” branding—irreverent, crass, and brutally honest, but layered with genuine concern about civil liberties, media power, and social cohesion. Mark Normand's quick wit keeps the energy high and absurd, often flipping the darkest subjects with a punchline.

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For New Listeners: What You’ll Take Away

• A comedic, at times biting, but sincere look at the real stakes of cancel culture, the erosion of free speech, and U.S. culture’s shift into a vengeance–driven, tit-for-tat era.
• An intimate peek at how comics navigate tragedy, career, and family.
• Relentless riffs and banter on politics, Brooklyn vs. New Brooklyn, marriage, sex, and society’s tech malaise.
• The perennial advice: Don’t take things (or yourself) too seriously—or you’ll get roasted.

Transcript

[Mark Norman]

We gotta stop calling people Nazis.

[Andrew Schulz]

I agree with that.

[Mark Norman]

Sydney Sweeney got called a Nazi. Like, well, we're here. I call her Titler.

[Alex]

Have you had this moment of having a kid yet where, like, you try to be intimate and there's also just a baby monitor in the room?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, I'll my wife with a Bjorn on.

[Andrew Schulz]

Come on. What are you talking about, dude?

[Alex]

I mean, how do you spice it up? What's the secret?

[Mark Norman]

It's awkward. I totally get it because it's your wife, but I think you gotta just get over that hump. So not for nothing, you know, you and your wife, you get a little angry at each other. The baby can wear on a marriage. If she likes some crazy shit, you can get that anger out. You know, had great sex. Chris Brown and Rihanna. I mean, you know, he got a lot out. I can't act. I've auditioned for 9,000 roles. I've never gotten one.

[Andrew Schulz]

So you would be behind the scenes.

[Mark Norman]

Of a movie, though? Yeah, I'd rather do Woody Allen and, you know, Asian. Too soon? Ye. But yeah. Well, you're having a good week. Charlie Kirk died and Canoa lost.

[Andrew Schulz]

What's up, guys? We do have an amazing episode with Mark Norman, but we just found out that Jimmy Kimmel got fired. After we finish recording, we wanted to address it. First things first. We have to address Charlie Kerr getting murdered. Nobody here condones that behavior. That's horrendous. You cannot kill anybody for what they say. So just so you know, our beliefs, we're going to have a lot of laughs after. But then the Jimmy Kimmel thing just broke, so we have to address that.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

So is this crazy? This is crazy, right?

[Alex]

What exactly are the facts of what happened?

[Andrew Schulz]

Jimmy Kimmel as well. I'm not the fat guy, you know.

[Mark Norman]

I read it.

[Andrew Schulz]

I read it to you. Forgot it already. Jimmy Kimmel. You got it. Your facts, Miles. Facts. Jimmy Kimmel said something on the Kimmel show about, like, the MAGA people trying to make the Charlie Kirk shooter a leftist. But we all know he was maga. That's essentially what he said.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

FTC chairman says, hey, you guys should watch your fucking mouth. Essentially, because there could be consequences. Then two big affiliates, I think NextGen and Sinclair Media both say we're taking Jimmy Kimmel indefinitely off the air. So, like, if you live in, I don't know, Poughkeepsie and your affiliate is Sinclair, you're not going to get to see Jimmy Kimmel. That's just what it is. Because there's all these little Local affiliates that control the channels. And then ABC eventually just says, you know what? We are pulling Jimmy Kimmel completely off the air. The thing that is interesting is I think NextGen is trying to go through this huge merger with another company. And that merger requires FCC approval. So if the FCC is putting pressure on them, like, hey, there could be consequences that's gonna prompt you to be like, you know what? Let's just pull Jimmy Kimmel off the air. So this seems like a big attack on free speech. And yeah, I think we've been pretty staunchly in favor of free speech. And it is funny to watch right wing people just become left wing people. Cuz I said something about how you're a snowflake if you think you should be. If you agree with this. That's some snowflake shit. And somebody was like, you clearly don't even know what the First Amendment means. And that's exactly what left wing people used to tell me. Freedom of speech doesn't mean freedom from consequences.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Andrew Schulz]

So y' all have just switched.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Now again, this is not. Has nothing to do with what happened to Charlie Kirk. That's a fucking horrendous thing. Let's get that out of the way. But in terms of censorship, freedom of speech is, is more under attack now, honestly, than I think it has ever been. I don't know if that's me being hyperbolic maybe.

[Alex]

I mean, as far as what Jimmy said, I think it's untrue. Or at least I don't agree with what he said.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't like what he said. We should also say that I don't agree with what he said. I don't like what he said. He should be allowed to say it in this. And what happened to Charlie Kirk is worse. Charlie Kirk should have been allowed to say the things we didn't like. Jimmy Kimmel should be allowed to say the things we didn't like. That's just what America is.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And freedom of speech, I've seen it truly under attack in India where it's like, you can go to jail. This is closer to that than I think what the left was doing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Which is like the FCC putting as much as we didn't like left wing, like far left policy or far left, whatever thoughts. It wasn't like Joe Biden was putting pressure on somebody to get canceled for saying retard. You see what I'm saying? That's what makes this different and scarier to me and closer to what India has then that's what makes it an actual attack on free speech.

[Mark Norman]

To me, yeah.

[Miles]

Jimmy's comments were inaccurate, but that was recorded on Monday when we weren't still clear yet all of the motives. I think things were still unclear. But he shouldn't have.

[Andrew Schulz]

He shouldn't have said it. That's. I think we all just say that you didn't. Don't rush the judgment. But, yeah, we all make mistakes. Every one of us has said a thing that's stupid or whatever that is part of doing this thing. Jimmy Kimmel's been on air for decades. Of course he said multiple stupid things. I've said multiple stupid things in eight years of doing a podcast. You should be allowed to say stupid things.

[Miles]

Stupid things every day.

[Alex]

We're saying stupid stuff on this episode.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, there's things on this episode. And.

[Miles]

And Miles is just stupid.

[Andrew Schulz]

So it's like Miles gave me the worst. We were like, how do we do this? How do I address this? Miles gave up halfway through. He was like, just be like, hey, guys, emergency announcement, big things.

[Mark Norman]

What the fuck is going on here?

[Alex]

Yeah, I mean, again, I do think it's important to delineate, like, the free speech thing, like we did whenever people on the right got canceled, where it's like, yeah, you have oppression from the government. That's like, what the First Amendment protects. Right?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Where it's like, okay, you can't. The government can't stop you from saying what you want, but private companies can do whatever they want to, which is what people on the left said whenever people on the right got canceled. Right.

[Miles]

As you're not invoking violence, you have the right to say.

[Alex]

Right. So, like. But in this case, it seems like if the fcc, which, again, I don't know if this is the case, if the FCC is applying pressure like it does feel.

[Andrew Schulz]

They did say there could be consequences and they found some workaround. They essentially made us public servants because we're on the air. Jimmy Kimmel is not. And he shouldn't be as political as he is, but he's not a political correspondent. I don't give a fuck. Yeah, I don't care. So the FCC saying there could be consequences off rip. That's a fact. They said that?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can't do it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I don't like that.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's a big attack. And if. If. Look, if you are a staunch Trump guy, you should be upset about this, and it's okay to be wrong. I was charmed by him when he had him on the podcast. Even if I didn't vote for him, I Liked him. Okay. It seems motherfucker lied about everything. And that's. That's what it is. We'll eat our crow or whatever. But also, if you're a staunch Trump guy, I think you should really look at, oh, this guy said in the inauguration, I'm gonna pass an executive order to ban government, to end government censorship and make speech free again or whatever it was that he said. You said that in your inauguration. What happened?

[Miles]

And we got to mention. So after Stephen Colbert got fired, Trump did say, oh, and Jimmy Kimmel is next to go. He said that publicly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Hey, guys, when we act like, hold on, the guy can get shit done. Everybody's like, hey, he does nothing. He does. He gets shit done.

[Alex]

That's true.

[Mark Norman]

That is true.

[Andrew Schulz]

He was going to get rid of abortion. Got rid of that shit. He said he's going to get people fired, got people fired. So I just didn't know what he could get done and what he couldn't get done. That's on me. Yeah, but the guy could get shit done.

[Miles]

Now he's taking away amendments, so it's like, he's good.

[Andrew Schulz]

Hey, I don't. Again, I don't. I wish we could make more light of it again. This literally happened last night. And then we were like, we have this episode coming out, so we just have to address it. Is there anything else you guys want to say? I just think it's fucking crazy and we should all be a little bit.

[Alex]

You're upset about this, but talking to my conservative friends, like, there is a feeling of getting even.

[Miles]

So you mean talking to your friend?

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Alex]

Talking with myself in my head, there is a feeling of getting even where it's like, okay, yeah, like Jimmy Kimmel, like, said something. It wasn't really a joke. It was kind of just like a statement of fact that was just erroneous or misleading. And so now he's feeling what we have felt for the past eight years. And to me, I'm like, sure. And my friend's like, well, you have Roseanne, you have this person, this person, this person all got canceled for their political beliefs. And I'm like, yeah, that was dumb and wrong. And this is also dumb and wrong, but I don't have any interest in getting even. Like, I think the idea of getting even is, like, vengeance based. And I just see that as being more destructive. And to me, that indicates that, like, back when the left was trying to cancel people on the right, you don't really care about living in harmony with these people, that you have to be in this country with, yeah, the left and the right, we're not going to go away. Like, you're not going to have a civil war. You're not going to get people out of the country. Or at least I don't think anyone should be wanting that.

[Andrew Schulz]

We don't want that. Yeah.

[Alex]

So to me, I'm like, you got to live with these people. Let's figure out a way to make it work. And not trying to have this vengeance based, like, score keeping where it's like, no, you guys canceled 10 of our guys, so we're getting rid of 10 of your guys.

[Andrew Schulz]

Sorry, real quick. You know, getting even is, to me, getting to say whatever we want. That's getting even. We can say retard again or whatever the fucking thing that they think that's all we cared about. But you could say retard again where even free speech is free.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

What are you going to say? I don't know. I don't want to cut you off, but yeah, to me, that's getting even. Getting even is now we can all say what we'd ever want to say, whatever we want to say. And I bet you have way more fun on the left. I bet people on the left are gonna really enjoy things. And now look at that. We were right. Isn't it better to be right than get even?

[Alex]

Oh, I mean, yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

I love being right. Yeah, I was. Hey, I was right about xyz.

[Miles]

You like getting even?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, but not as much as I love. How happy do I get when I say a guy sucks and then you guys finally realize it and I'm like, I fucking don't. I do. You do love that. I love being racist. It's my favorite thing.

[Miles]

But you also say, oh, I'm gonna get that fucking guy.

[Mark Norman]

His friend guy. Well, maybe you say it a lot about the swamp guy. Cause it seems like it's often there.

[Alex]

Is a human inclination, a human desire to get even. And I think that that's what's happening here.

[Andrew Schulz]

Okay.

[Alex]

And I would just implore anyone that feels that feeling to get even. Like, hey, let's just try to work together, which is very gay. Like, no one thinks that's a cool position to take. Like, hey, guys, we can all live in harmony and just create a for that right.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's not gonna get me. The right is in power. So I can say you'.

[Alex]

We will believe it, okay? Because the liberal FCC is going to come for us. But I just think like, yeah, dude, can we not just try to figure out how to like work. I don't know.

[Miles]

We're in scary times. Like, I don't like, people are maybe not taking this as seriously as they should, but this is scary.

[Andrew Schulz]

At least he only has three years and three months left.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Miles]

Why do yo shit was calm when we just had his fucking brain dead motherfucker in his office. Bring brain dead Biden back.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, my God. No one was happy. But this is worse.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is. Oh my God. Motherfuckers getting shot.

[Alex]

Like, come on, there's a way to get unity. I'm like, I don't know. I think I was talking to a guy, he was like, after MLK was killed, rfk. Bobby Senior was running for president there. He was like making a bid and he had a huge portion of the black vote. And black people really trusted him. And he came out and was like, hey guys, let's just all bring the temperature down. He didn't try to like antagonize, like.

[Andrew Schulz]

Worked out well for him. It worked out really well.

[Alex]

This is what happens to peacemakers, you know what I mean?

[Andrew Schulz]

He got shot so hard in the head, his son's throat got up.

[Mark Norman]

Damn, that is wild.

[Andrew Schulz]

That is wild. Think of the transitive property of that headshot that your son's throat is up.

[Alex]

Yeah, think about that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Is that not nuts?

[Alex]

Maybe you shouldn't call for peace, right?

[Mark Norman]

Look what happens to the people that.

[Alex]

Try to make peace.

[Miles]

Kill shot, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

I apologize in advance. The fcc, suck my dick.

[Alex]

Yeah, dude, Gandhi, Jesus, they all get Gandhi.

[Miles]

Honestly, do we have to watch out now?

[Alex]

If you want peace, if you just want vengeance, then I think you're fine. If you want peace, then they kill you. So, I don't know, take your side.

[Miles]

So it's good time for you right now.

[Andrew Schulz]

You really want to be celebrated? Hey, no, I'm not celebrating this.

[Miles]

No, I know, but it's time to go to war.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, I'm with it. I'm ready.

[Mark Norman]

See, see, see?

[Alex]

Now the other caveat I want to make is, is there a world where they were trying to get rid of Jimmy Kimmel for years? Because the show's not making money, the numbers don't really make sense. And then he slipped up with this thing and they go, oh, great, this is our chance to get rid of them again. I don't know, but I'm trying to come.

[Miles]

I think partial of that could be true. I think it sounds like another Steve Colbert situation. So the parent company wants to do this big merger. The FCC has to approve the merger. Kimmel says Something that, you know, Trump administration doesn't like. And so they're like, hey, he has to go. So just to push back on that, it's not the parent company wants to do a merger, it's the broadcasting owners.

[Mark Norman]

That want to do a merger which.

[Miles]

Is separate from Disney. They were putting pressure on Disney. I think Disney went, oh yeah, we can.

[Andrew Schulz]

So yeah, I guess next gen, who has a bunch of ABC affiliates or whatever that company is called.

[Alex]

There's two.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's also Great Sinclair have a bunch of ABC affiliates. They are putting pressure on Disney. And the FCC chair was putting pressure on Disney as well, I think if I'm not mistaken.

[Miles]

Yeah, he was. He openly mentioned Kimmel a few times. ABC and Disney a few times.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's crazy.

[Mark Norman]

The day of, don't we have bigger.

[Andrew Schulz]

Shit to worry about? It's a global war about to break out. I don't. I know your fcc, that's kind of your job is to focus on it. But like just, just focus on just the fucking global war that's about to happen. Everyone.

[Miles]

Yeah, but they got a multi billion dollar merger that they're trying to do like that's the only thing they're caring about right now. So I, I understand that from a business aspect, but it's scary that that wasn't even that bad of a comment. To take somebody off air for is crazy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. I mean it wasn't a good comment.

[Mark Norman]

But it wasn't right.

[Alex]

You hear that and you're like, dude, what?

[Andrew Schulz]

Here's what, I'll defend the right with this. The stuff that the left was canceling. Right people for five, eight, 10 years ago, whatever, 12 years ago, we were like, that's not Shang Gillis. That wasn't bad.

[Miles]

Oh, that's true.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know what I mean? So like they are. Here's what I'll say. It's the same thing. But the far left was poor. They were losers who lived off their parents, baristas. They had no power. The far. Well, seemingly these people who are canceling now are powerful dog. If you own multiple affiliate news stations, you could, if you could put pressure on Disney, that's power. So I think it's. It's similar. But what's a little scarier is these guys have a lot more power than these guys.

[Alex]

And then, I mean, Scholz even came on the story.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh yeah, Schultz had a great take.

[Alex]

He said basically this like people on the left will say fascism, fascism is wrong. Unless you kill one of our political opponents. And then we'll celebrate it. And then people on the right are saying, cancel culture is wrong unless you cancel the shows of our political opponents. And then we'll celebrate it. And then his next story says, do you think Charlie Kirk would support the canceling of people for exercising their free speech?

[Andrew Schulz]

That's a great point. That's a fucking great point.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think far left and far right is what he meant. More so. But that is a fucking. Charlie Kirk would not. Charlie Kirk got destroyed on south park and thought it was hilarious.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Miles]

So it's his profile picture seeing the south park. Not to derail us. I heard that they just canceled their episode or postponed my.

[Andrew Schulz]

Understand. I think they released a statement that was like, hey, the episode just wasn't ready. This one's on us. But that does seem a little weird.

[Miles]

Does seem a little.

[Andrew Schulz]

For 25 years, you've been ready.

[Miles]

They also didn't pull their own Charlie Kirk episode. The cable providers pulled it after his death. Okay. But south park had no choice in that. It was a Comedy Central. Whoever runs their thing got it. Okay.

[Andrew Schulz]

And that is. I think we should. Because I don't mind that as much. And I'm trying to think why. And I think because that's not a cancellation. That's taking out, like, a thing that is.

[Miles]

It's also gonna probably go back on the air.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, if we had a joke we didn't like in a special or that ended up being very poorly timed, we would just hopefully take the joke and a special, keep the special. That's what I think south park is essentially doing.

[Alex]

But not doing it is his distinction.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah. Fair, fair. But either way, I don't feel like that's. If a network was like, if I sold a special Netflix and they're like, hey, can you take out that joke because someone just got killed, assassinated, I'd be like, I get it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't think that's. I think that's in the gray area, but I think what's happening here is just subjectively.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

All right. You want to have some laughs with Mark Norman?

[Alex]

I think we should.

[Mark Norman]

Let's just.

[Alex]

Let's just find peace.

[Miles]

Shout out to the fcc.

[Mark Norman]

You're great. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Alex said it. I don't believe it, but Alex said it.

[Miles]

We gonna stay on air.

[Andrew Schulz]

Guys? In light of the assassination of last week, we had to bring on one of the world's foremost political experts, voices on all tragic events. Mark Norman's in the building.

[Mark Norman]

Give it up for him. What's up, baby? Good to be back. I can feel the warmth of buttigieg.

[Alex]

That might have been Foley.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, you're leaving America to go to Europe at the perfect time. This shit is all falling apart.

[Alex]

And you have a European.

[Mark Norman]

I'm bringing free speech to Europe and debate me. Prove me wrong. That's open now, right? I can use that. No, I can't wait. Yeah, I gotta get out of here. It's too hot. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

So where are you going? You're doing. You're doing the Saudi shows. You're doing Athens, Oslo, Helsinki. These are all awesome places.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. A lot of whites. Yeah. Very exciting. Wow.

[Alex]

Dude, in Saudi Arabia, you're playing the Muhammad Ali theater for us to show up. Look at that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, that's fire. Is that the same? No, that's not. It's not Alias.

[Alex]

No, no, I think it is.

[Mark Norman]

I love. Really shake things up. Okay. Yeah. Can't wait. I had a little hope.

[Miles]

I was like, oh, it might be okay for me over there.

[Mark Norman]

Well, you're having a good week. Charlie Kirk died in Canelo, lost Crawford.

[Andrew Schulz]

And the shooter was white. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

That's the. That's the best.

[Alex]

He wasn't white. He was Mormon. We've talked about this. Okay. He was Mormon. That's not white.

[Miles]

You got to claim your w. White.

[Mark Norman]

No, I would say that's the ultimate white.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Can I be honest? I think if he was black, I'd have less faith in him being a long range shooter. I feel like that's one of the few, like, sporting events where white people really dominate.

[Mark Norman]

A rifle sideways. Yeah.

[Alex]

Rifle out of a car.

[Miles]

Yeah. There's no DI for mass shooting.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. When I said 200 yards, I knew there's no way.

[Alex]

That would be nice to see more. More black mass shooters. You know what I mean? Like, I just feel like DEI wise. It'd be nice to see you guys represented.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think that you just want the heat off of you, but that's fine.

[Alex]

That would be nice also.

[Mark Norman]

That's die.

[Andrew Schulz]

Wait, so you had. You said you had a clip that you weren't sure if you should put out. Can we talk about. You have to say what the clip was.

[Mark Norman]

Sure, sure. It's coming out. I'm gonna put it out tomorrow. But I did a show in Canada, so I was like, let's talk about how fucked up America is. And it went well, but now I'm just. I don't want to shit on the death, but I still want to make it funny.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So it was a real tightrope, but I think. I think I nailed it. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, I'M excited to see this.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

It is a thing where it's like, look, it's horrible. This guy died.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

You shouldn't die because of what you say. We say whatever the we want to say, but we. Our job is also to make it funny.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. So what do you do?

[Andrew Schulz]

And that was just something someone called out, or were you cooking that up?

[Mark Norman]

I was cooking it up. Any big event I try to have a. Somewhat of a take on.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, you turn over material incredibly quickly. I'm always very impressed.

[Mark Norman]

Hey, thanks.

[Andrew Schulz]

Filming another special?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, Next week. Yeah. In Colorado.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, nice.

[Mark Norman]

So I'll try to sell that to, you know, 4chan or whoever, see what happens. It's a whole different game now, but I think the. The short clips are really what, pop, you know? Yeah, yeah. Does anyone want to watch an hour anymore? I don't even know.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, I know. But then you cut the hour into short clips, and then there you go. It's nice to have, like, a piece. You know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Right, right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So we'll see. But the hour's cooking. It's tight as a drum, and I've been running it for two years, and it's ready to get out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, you took a good time. That's good. You took two years with it.

[Mark Norman]

Everybody's putting specials out every 10 minutes. I'm like, hey, slow down, slow down.

[Andrew Schulz]

I agree.

[Mark Norman]

Put out one good one. Yeah. You know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Do you take time off between specials or you just hop right back in?

[Mark Norman]

I go back in, I'm a psycho, and I got a kid now I got to get out.

[Andrew Schulz]

I thought you'd be taking time off now with the baby boy.

[Mark Norman]

I'm joking. Yeah. I love the boy. He's in an Uber. Yeah, yeah. No, it's great. I'm really having a great time with this fat little homo. He's cute.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, I have another. Matt McCoy is a comedian friend of ours. He thinks his son is gay. His son is like. And he just. There's pictures of him, like, leaning like this, and he's like, that kid is gay. It's okay. But he's gay.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Do you feel like your kid is.

[Mark Norman]

No, I was just joking, but I don't think he's gay. But you never know. And if he was, I live in Brooklyn, so he'd be the man. He's gonna be gay? Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Or trans. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Who knows? You know? Mom, Donnie. Oh, yeah, I assume. Is that allowed?

[Andrew Schulz]

I think that's encouraged.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is he practicing the. What Is it called the lakiya?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, no.

[Mark Norman]

What's that called? Taki.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't know.

[Alex]

I wish I knew.

[Mark Norman]

I should know. It's a Muslim thing where you pretend to, like, gay, and then you give that a goo. Taqiya, I think, is the word.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's called socialism.

[Alex]

Muslims will do this in order to blend into hostile environments.

[Mark Norman]

Thank you.

[Alex]

So they kind of pretend they're really Muslim until the time is right.

[Andrew Schulz]

They're not. Like, for Sharia and then.

[Mark Norman]

And then sleeper cells.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. You think that's what Zoran's doing? He loves Zor on this guy. I like him because he's brown, but Alex, like, loves him.

[Mark Norman]

Really? Yeah.

[Miles]

I just like that he's trying to shake shit up.

[Andrew Schulz]

I like that he's different, you know.

[Mark Norman]

I like shaking up, but I feel like he's the Trump of the left, where he's like, I'll say that. Oh, yeah, we'll build that wall. We'll make Mexicans pay for it. He's like, free buses and grocery stores or whatever. I'm like, is that going to work?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

He seems nice. Yeah.

[Miles]

Let's give him a try. It's four years, and then don't work out. We'll go right back to the status quo.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Andrew Schulz]

Have you seen the conspiracy theory that Trump had Charlie Kirk assassinated so we could get the heat off of him and Epstein?

[Mark Norman]

I did see that.

[Andrew Schulz]

If it. If he did that, it was effective because I completely forgotten that letter existed. Like, we were talking about that letter. Dude, we talked. We recorded an episode right before Charlie Kirk got killed. We talked about the letter. Since that happened, we haven't. No one's brought it up. We haven't. In our group chat, nobody said a word.

[Mark Norman]

Pretty genius chess move if it's true. But I think he liked the Kirk, and I know Baron Trump loved him. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Sometimes you play chess, you got to sacrifice your favorite piece.

[Alex]

You know what I mean?

[Andrew Schulz]

Sometimes a rook gotta go.

[Mark Norman]

Well, nobody loves Charlie Kirk's death more than the. The Charlotte stabbing guy. Oh, he's like, oh, thank God.

[Andrew Schulz]

Which one is he? You know?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, that guy with the Ukrainian models.

[Andrew Schulz]

The Ukrainian woman got beheaded in Dallas. Nobody cares. I feel like Charlie Kirk took the credit, like, took the attention away from this guy. Beheaded Machete.

[Mark Norman]

No.

[Alex]

This is insane.

[Mark Norman]

What? Machete.

[Andrew Schulz]

Machete.

[Mark Norman]

Holy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Over a dispute, because he. I guess he was talking to the guy, this Mexican dude, or. I don't know where he's from, but he's Latino. And then he was trying to use a Translator. And that guy was upset that he felt he needed a translator and then just beheaded him and then started playing soccer with his head or some crazy. Like that. Really crazy.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Alex]

Yeah, you can see, like the CCTV is just, like holding his head like Aztec.

[Mark Norman]

Just like walking around like Griffin.

[Andrew Schulz]

Horrendous.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. Horrendous.

[Miles]

That's a good week to murder, I guess.

[Alex]

Just get away with everything.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly. As long as you're not the main story. Yeah. Cruising. Yeah.

[Alex]

Good week.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[Alex]

Did you see the. The letter from the killer that. Or the text that. That leaked?

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, yeah. What? Do you have any fun theories on this or are you just kind of like letting it all happen and then.

[Mark Norman]

The text felt phony to me.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

It felt very forced to texture.

[Andrew Schulz]

It felt like Chad GBT wrote it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. It had no Gen Z. He's like a big meme. Furry queef, this kid. So you think there'd be a little. Couple more.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, he's a griper.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

I gotta pretend I know what that means.

[Mark Norman]

There'd be more emojis and like.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, no emojis.

[Mark Norman]

What do you call abbreviations, you know, like, WTF or whatever they say.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, dude, a machine gun emoji or something.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And I text a lot of children. They don't use punctuation kids now they're like, what time should I meet you? And there's no question mark, there's no commas. Yeah.

[Alex]

I'm also wondering, maybe they took this and like, maybe, like, changed it for the brief because they don't actually have the. Or something.

[Mark Norman]

Something's up.

[Alex]

Because it feels weird.

[Mark Norman]

They're covering their bases a lot, too. They're like, oh, yeah, I buried the gun here. And oh, yeah, exactly.

[Alex]

Who texts their voice exactly what you want?

[Andrew Schulz]

Nobody's dishonest with their significant other, much less I killed someone.

[Mark Norman]

That's true. That's good point.

[Andrew Schulz]

Every time I hang out with my friends, I tell my wife I left 30 minutes before I actually did traffic. I just want to have fun for 30 more minutes. This guy killed someone and he's going to be like, well, no, I. This is how I did. This is where I left the weapon.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. No chance.

[Alex]

This is why I did it.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's no exclamation points from the person like, what?

[Mark Norman]

Right. Yeah, right.

[Andrew Schulz]

You fucking killed someone. Why are you texting me? Yeah, I don't want to be an accessory.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, true.

[Alex]

Now, I've also heard the theory that this guy did this knowing that it'd Be found in order to frame the left. This is a left wing conspiracy going around.

[Mark Norman]

Wait a minute.

[Miles]

I like this.

[Alex]

So he put these texts in there in order to frame the left to make it be like, yeah, this is why I did it. Because of left wing.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, he's gonna go to jail, though. But he did it. He actually did it.

[Alex]

This is the theory.

[Andrew Schulz]

Nobody cares that much.

[Alex]

He planted the text himself in order to be found and give, like, a motivation, yada, yada, yada.

[Mark Norman]

Left.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yes, I see Mafia members snitch on their brothers. If they're like, if there's any chance of getting out of a crime, this guy's gonna commit a crime, go to jail, get murdered so he can make.

[Alex]

The left look bad, start a civil war. That's accelerationist.

[Andrew Schulz]

Shut up.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I don't buy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Not you.

[Mark Norman]

The mental gymnastics people go through for their side to win and all. It's. It's all sad. And we all got to get offline and we got to stop calling people Nazis.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I agree with that.

[Mark Norman]

Sydney Sweeney got called a Nazi. Like, well, we're here. I call her Titler. But yeah, it's like, come. We just. The fascist. I don't think people know what fascism means anymore.

[Andrew Schulz]

Sydney Sweeney is a Nazi.

[Miles]

Sign me up.

[Mark Norman]

Can't learn what's right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Not about the Jewish shit, but about a master race. That's the master race.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

A bunch of Sydney Sweeney's, that's not masterful to you. And I don't even normally like milk, as they say about white women, but Sydney Sweeney, Margot Robbie, these women are ice cream. Everybody likes it. It's delicious. Let's not act like it's not.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I think all of us here like white women.

[Andrew Schulz]

I. There's definitely attractive white women. They're my least. They're the lowest on my.

[Mark Norman]

On my lowest. Yeah. Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

What's top?

[Andrew Schulz]

Indian, obviously.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Andrew Schulz]

Second, I don't know. Black, Mexican, Asian. They're all kind of in there.

[Mark Norman]

Interesting. What about you?

[Alex]

I mean, dude, I'm married, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

So you can't answer.

[Alex]

No, I'm married, so I'll take whatever.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I'm not discerning at all. As long as, like, there's not, like, a full mustache. But even if there's a little one, I'll do it. You know what I mean? I don't give a. You know?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, bring on a Greek. Whatever.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're a New Orleans guy. You have, like, a lot of. You hook up a lot of black girls.

[Mark Norman]

I hooked up with four in my Life. There we go. But three were here.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, really?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. I feel like the black women here are more open minded than down south downstairs. Like, you know, you're a white boy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. But I feel like you're. You could work with a black girl somehow that you're just like so disarming and so different that they'd be like, ah, fuck that guy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I'll take it. I'll take it. One time I banged a black gal years ago on the road and I looked on her fridge and she had a picture of her boyfriend with like a heart around it and he looked exactly like me. And I was like, oh my God, they had just broken up or something. And I was like, oh, she's doing like a revenge honky fest. Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

Did you wear his clothes? Go method, right?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Al likes white women the most in this room, but outside of that, I like Latinas.

[Miles]

Can't go wrong with Latinas.

[Mark Norman]

The problem with Latinas, the intimidating, the gyrating and all the stuff up top. You're like, I can't, I can't keep up. Like they're twerking and popping and locking. Yeah. There's too much.

[Alex]

A lot of energy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm not even, I'm not even concerned about satisfying a woman. It's not gonna happen.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Why be concerned with things that couldn't happen anyway?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Well, you want to try, you want to give it a go, but yeah, it's. It's not in the cards.

[Alex]

I think we need to try. We need to try trans. I think we need to give it a whirl. Because if it was, if this guy got radicalized from it. Oh, it might be.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, I thought you said trains like we all a girl. And I was like, what just happened?

[Alex]

Pencil that. Because that's also a good ide. We can try. We can look into that as well.

[Andrew Schulz]

Look at Al's giant dick.

[Mark Norman]

He'll go last. Yeah, you go last.

[Andrew Schulz]

Exactly, dude.

[Alex]

Back of the train.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

But I think we just need. I think if this guy got radicalized from it, it must be worth, you know, giving a second look at.

[Andrew Schulz]

Son. He went from Trump to trans.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, he was Trump.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

He comes from like a maga family, it seems like. So people are presuming. Our theory that we were talking about before is that he's might have gone on a Mormon mission. We think maybe he went to Thailand. And then when he's in Thailand.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, lady boy, there it is.

[Andrew Schulz]

Right.

[Alex]

He met a couple of them. He's like, wait a second. This is turned out to die for.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Literally.

[Mark Norman]

How about that?

[Alex]

That was the moment.

[Mark Norman]

Dude, we should call Norton. He's the only guy I know who's married to a trans woman.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're married, dude. How long they've been married? They've been here a while, right?

[Mark Norman]

Two, three years? Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

God bless, dude.

[Mark Norman]

Huge hog on this trans.

[Andrew Schulz]

Really?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Wait, really?

[Mark Norman]

And does he like, like everything?

[Andrew Schulz]

Wow.

[Mark Norman]

He's a fan. Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, I thought you guys were joking this whole time.

[Mark Norman]

This is for real. That's her? Yeah.

[Miles]

Oh, wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's a pretty lady.

[Mark Norman]

She's. What do you call it? Nordic.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

Look at that emphasis on the dick.

[Mark Norman]

Hey, how do we all miss that one? She's cool as hell. And they. They are madly in love.

[Alex]

Remember when we talked to Daisy Taylor and. And her boyfriend?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And the boyfriend was like, yeah, dude, I've done gay stuff and I've been with a trans woman. It's different. That's his words. This is a lady's dick.

[Mark Norman]

Interesting.

[Alex]

You're like, all right, I'm listening.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Wow.

[Alex]

Yeah, dude.

[Mark Norman]

As you know, I've been blown by a man.

[Alex]

Oh, that's right.

[Mark Norman]

We talked about the last time. I do remember this.

[Alex]

I remember that.

[Andrew Schulz]

I had forgotten. And I'm. I'm recoping.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I didn't know it was a man. I was. I was fooled.

[Alex]

He was a magician.

[Mark Norman]

David Blaine. Yeah. Got a. You know, a lady of the night and got the beads. And then boobs were rock hard, wig was falling off, dick was rock hard. Yeah. And put a condom on. Still. Finished in like 8 seconds.

[Andrew Schulz]

Nice.

[Mark Norman]

Knew the equipment.

[Miles]

That should have been telling.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, I didn't even think about that.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah, maybe.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, maybe they are the best at, like, at least head.

[Alex]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Norman]

Definitely. Yeah. Very good. Definitely, like, yelling at my wife, like, come on, suck that dick.

[Miles]

I'm telling you, incels and trans are the best combination. Like, nobody wants to. Them. They can just.

[Mark Norman]

That's genius.

[Andrew Schulz]

That honestly, could. Could solve all shootings.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Miles]

I mean, it cost one just now, but that's true.

[Mark Norman]

That's a good point.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's true. But not mass shootings. At least this was a single. This was a single shot.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, just lowering the number. Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, that's. That's. It's progress.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

We're trying to get to zero.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. But you can't get to zero immediately.

[Alex]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mark Norman]

Does this count as a school shooting? Because it is on A campus.

[Andrew Schulz]

That is a great question.

[Mark Norman]

And there was another one that day. You know, we got problems. We have two in a day now.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And one trumps another one. Yeah. Crazy. Yeah. What a country.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Going to Europe. Catch this guy in Dublin.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Guys, special announcement. Huge flagrant announcement. We are doing the first ever flagrant live show. It is going to be at the Dubai Comedy Festival on October 7th. Buy your tickets. You can go to the Dubai festival website. You can go to Akash Singh.com youm can go to theandrewshultz.com it's gonna be fucking great. I'm so excited to do this. We've been talking about doing it for years. We're finally doing it. October 7th, Coca Cola Arena. We're doing arenas, baby, right out of the gate. Come through. We'll see y' all there. Also, guys, date September 25th through 27th. I'm coming to Cleveland. I'm gonna be at Hilarities dubai. We added 600 seats. We sold out the 1200. They're. They're. They're moving around. I don't know how they're doing it, but they're adding 600 seats. October 17th through 19th, I'm gonna be at the Comedy Connection in East Providence, Rhode Island. All those dates and [e-mail] also San Jose. Hurry up and buy those are selling out. Also, I announced that we. I had invested in that chai company, Fontanes, and they opened a second location called Fontes in the West Village. Guys, thank y' all so much. There was a line so long on Saturday, they literally sold out of food. So I just want to say thank you. If you have not been. It's the best chai maybe in the country. Fontes in the West Village or Fontaine's in Brooklyn. Hopefully all over the country soon. Shouts to my people. Love y'.

[Mark Norman]

All.

[Alex]

Hey, guys, really quick dates announcement. I'm gonna be at the Coca Cola arena in Dubai. I'm also going to be in Nashville.

[Andrew Schulz]

Tennessee, at Mobile, Alabama, New Orleans, Louisiana.

[Alex]

Denver, Colorado.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can suck a stick in any of these cities. I'm also.

[Alex]

I'm also gonna be.

[Mark Norman]

Keep.

[Alex]

Scroll down, Miles. I'm gonna be in Hoboken, Philly, Fort.

[Mark Norman]

Wayne, Tours out there.

[Alex]

Anyway, thank you guys so much.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can get your tickets and suck a stick.

[Alex]

I'll see you guys there.

[Mark Norman]

But yeah, another school shooting in Denver that day. And those poor kids are just like. It's like when Farrah Fawcett died same day as Michael Jackson.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's so crazy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah. Totally usurped it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Well, she died of colon cancer, which I'm kind of okay with. If I died of colon cancer, I'd be okay with y' all not thinking about it. I'm just some sex symbol and then I die of ass cancer.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Keep it hush a little bit.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just remember the way I live. Not that I. I don't know. It taints the hotness of her. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

I didn't even know she had colon cancer. Yeah, right. I didn't know that.

[Andrew Schulz]

I know things, dude.

[Alex]

I love white women.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Damn. All right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Farrah Fawcett was a joint dude back in the day. She's an absolute joint.

[Mark Norman]

Smoke show. Yeah, that's.

[Andrew Schulz]

Look at that.

[Mark Norman]

Iconic, beautiful woman. You know, it's wild.

[Miles]

I just hook it up. You're saying very kindly, colon cancer online. You Google cause of death. Anal cancer.

[Andrew Schulz]

I said it kindly. Ain't that on? It takes a little bit of that spark out of that.

[Mark Norman]

That's crazy. That one's a little cancer.

[Alex]

My two favorite things.

[Mark Norman]

I would her in the ass. Hoping to get anal.

[Alex]

If you knew it was contagious, still do it.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, just absolutely. Beautiful girl.

[Mark Norman]

Beautiful.

[Andrew Schulz]

Sweeney of her time. The Nazi of her time.

[Mark Norman]

Ye. And natural. You know, isn't it weird? Like kids aren't anymore. They say young people don't have sex. Whatever. It's way down. But yet women are fat tits.

[Andrew Schulz]

They look the best they've ever.

[Mark Norman]

They look the best they've ever been. And we have blue chew coming out of the vending machine. Kids still can't get laid. Yeah. Back in my day, you couldn't get it up. And women aged like milk.

[Alex]

And you still did it, though.

[Mark Norman]

And we still did it. And we were happy to do it. And you battle. Yes.

[Alex]

You're gonna tell your kid that you're like, back in my day.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

We're dogs.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. My grandma was like, we had to walk eight miles uphill through the snow. And I'm like, we couldn't get it up. You can say Bluetooth for free.

[Andrew Schulz]

We had to. Natural women.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yes.

[Alex]

Disgusting.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Alex]

Our women didn't have penises. You know, we had nothing going for us.

[Mark Norman]

That is true.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, yeah. Here's a stand up question. We're talking about kids. Has your material changed at all? Having. Having a kid. How help. And how have you changed?

[Mark Norman]

Well, I don't want to be. I do have baby stuff. Because you can't not. You got a baby. Of course. Material coming at you. It's crazy. Like you get the whole Louie thing.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But you don't want to be the baby guy. You don't be like, I love my kid. I'm sappy now. I'm the sentimental guy. So you got to still make it funny and with some edge.

[Andrew Schulz]

I say be. It's no problem being a sappy guy. But that's who you are.

[Mark Norman]

I can't do it. I can't do it. I.

[Andrew Schulz]

If you're becoming a sappy guy, isn't that more honest?

[Mark Norman]

I guess, but it's less funny if it's only SAP. Yeah. You don't want to be only SAP. Then you're doing a one man here, you know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So you gotta still keep it silly and fun and dark a little bit.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So I try to walk that line as well.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Cause I think Louis did a good job of being the family guy while not being corny.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. I mean, he literally said, I understand the baby in the dumpster thing. That was one of his great bits. Which is weird cause he said women would come up to him after. Like. Like I needed to hear that. You know, all these sad moms are like. That meant the world to me.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I. Absolutely, I think that makes complete sense. But yeah, I was just curious. So you do have baby stuff, but you're still working all the time? Because I know you do we, I, I, Mark, some of the first comics I met in New York that wasn't a loser. It is funny. Mark Maron talks about how non inclusive we are. That time when they ran things, they hated me. Mark was always nice, but so many people were just like, why are you talking about race? And I was like, I don't know, I'm an Indian dude. Five years after nine, 11 or whatever. Like, I'm gonna talk about it.

[Mark Norman]

I got the same people like, whoa, what's all with all the dark shit? I'm like, have you heard prior? Have you heard car.

[Andrew Schulz]

They police comedy way more than we did. Way more than we did.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Also they'd be like, don't punch down. I'm like, you're mean to me.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You're like way above me and you're fucking punched down on me.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

So yeah, that was hypocrite shit.

[Andrew Schulz]

Having known you, you're a. You're a force of.

[Mark Norman]

You're a workhorse.

[Andrew Schulz]

You never stop. And then with a kid, you made some good money. I assume you're not. You feel like you still got to be out there.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I'm a weirdo, and I feel like if I get off my foot off the gas, I'll. I'll just hit a wall and collide and I'll never be able to get it back.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Ever. Take four days off and you go back on stage, you're like, how do I do this again? What am I doing?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, and I get it back pretty quickly. You get it back quick. But I also like to work, and we're so lucky. I used to be a janitor. I moved furniture. I was a construction guy. So, like, talking on stage or writing jokes, it's just like, if I get to do this, I'm doing it. Yeah. You know, I feel like you used to be Mexican. Yeah. I switched so I could stay. Yeah. I just felt like. I feel like we got it so lucky. We're so the comics. It gets real easy to get lazy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, and because we have that. Those. Those opportunities, like, I could take a night off here. I could take a weekend off there. I can go on a trip. So I think I just want to curb that a little and still stay working because other people have to go to 9 to 5 every day.

[Andrew Schulz]

Absolutely.

[Mark Norman]

You know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Absolutely.

[Miles]

So what's the longest break you've taken?

[Mark Norman]

Probably Covid, because I had to. So probably like a month. And that was tough.

[Andrew Schulz]

But that is when you really blew the fuck up. You and Shane out. You head out to lunch.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

Shane had the special in Austin and both of those went crazy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And that's when I remember seeing you just start really selling, like, oh, thanks.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that was a big one for me. I couldn't sell a ticket to save my life. And then that came out, I think.

[Andrew Schulz]

10 million views during COVID or something like that, which is crazy.

[Mark Norman]

And that was when YouTube was a failure. You know, that was back when, like, we got. No one will buy it. We got to put on YouTube. And then, yeah, luckily people needed content. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Now I think YouTube's kind of oversaturated.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

So you're grateful for China is what you're saying.

[Andrew Schulz]

Caused a lot of shouts to Wuhan, dude.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly. Is Tick Tock gonna go away? What's the word?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, it got bought by Larry Ellison. The Oracle guy.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. 80 he owns. So I do think that's actually good.

[Mark Norman]

I think so too.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Nobody wants to give Trump credit, but this is a good thing.

[Mark Norman]

Okay. For America, I think so China won't get our information.

[Andrew Schulz]

I guess they'll still get it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah, they'll still get it somehow.

[Andrew Schulz]

Separate algorithm from global TikTok. You know, it'd be funny if they still got our information and we had to use the DOG algorithm from. That actually be the worst case scenario.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Damn. Because they're not allowed to use it over there. China's weird. They won't use Facebook, Instagram. We can't have our. But we'll take theirs.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Apparently their Tik tok Andrew said it, not knowing it was true, but he was like, I said it as a joke, but it's apparently true. They have a different Tik Tok. You get fed a different algorithm. It's. Well, apparently my. My wife had a friend from China and she was like, no, our Tick Tock is like educational for kids. We don't get the dances like that.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And we. Over here. Oh, everything's censored. D. I'm like, that's censored? Yeah. That's crazy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Alex]

But is it better, though? I don't know. I don't. I don't just see all the stuff that's on my algorithm.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Alex]

I'm like, I don't want to.

[Andrew Schulz]

I want China to know all of our stuff.

[Mark Norman]

That's all.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just. That's it. That's my only thing.

[Mark Norman]

Why not?

[Andrew Schulz]

Because they're going to take over, and I think we're going to miss the US When China takes over. I'm not saying the US Is perfect at all, but if you think China is going to be better, it's not.

[Mark Norman]

Not.

[Miles]

I get that. But I mean, you're worried that it's like you're promoting the show and it's like, oh, man, they see my.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, but they don't see just what you post. They see everything you scroll on Everything.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Doug, every. How's it.

[Mark Norman]

I'm just saying, every foot I like.

[Andrew Schulz]

China just knows about every foot that I like. I don't want China to know about every foot that I like.

[Miles]

Then they're gonna just break their feet and mold them to the feet.

[Mark Norman]

All right. Yeah.

[Alex]

You gotta trust him.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. We got a text from Schultz in Australia. He got a foot fetish. I do, too, but he just said, someone take my phone from me. What the hell is happening? And it was just a video of a girl crushing an egg with her feet. And I was crying, laughing, because I could see myself falling down that exact same rabbit hole of. Just like. I didn't even. I scrolled off the video as soon as I could because I was like, I'm gonna get into this. I can't.

[Mark Norman]

Damn. Look at this. This is like a Chinese abortion. Oh, my God. This guy. You feet guys have it made.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, that's not even an ideal foot to me. But I can see myself finding the foot, searching for the foot that I like.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

But you go to a pool now I'm out. So that's too much. No, no, no, no. The girls are wearing flip flops too.

[Mark Norman]

Much sandals all day long.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know what I gotta do to see a tit?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, No, I thought about this. We're very fortunate.

[Mark Norman]

You're very fortunate.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, my God. I gotta, like, put on a lab coat and find a lump. You can just go to the pool.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, they say, like, you. You can't kink shame, though. And like all these things. I will say that since I everybody. My foot thing was waves was suppressed because I thought it was weird now that I know so many people got foot things.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm way worse about it. You can't just be like, hey, don't feed. You gotta shame that shit to keep it to a healthy level.

[Mark Norman]

That's a good point. It's a good point.

[Andrew Schulz]

My foot fetish has gotten way worse now that it's freezing.

[Mark Norman]

Right, Right. Well, that's the beauty of the Internet. You're in a furry. You're in the feet, you're in the farts. It's all out there. And there's a full forum. You can talk to other weirdos. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

We should be unallowed. We should just be weirdos in like isolated. Isolated weirdos. Not encouraging the weirdness. It's weird that I like feet.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I guess this is why China.

[Miles]

Should get all this information. They won't want to with us after.

[Andrew Schulz]

They see our finish about that. That maybe right about that. But also foot binding.

[Mark Norman]

You talk about. Oh, yeah, that.

[Andrew Schulz]

They're the feet guys. I think it was Japan, but still close enough.

[Alex]

No, that was oriental. Or is like. It was like colonial China or some back in the day.

[Andrew Schulz]

Guys, we need to talk. As you get older, you start losing hair. It just happens. I had a full head of hair. Now look at this getting thin up here. So, you know, we got to do it. You got to get on hims. I'm getting on the minoxidil. And hims is the place to do it. HIMS offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments. Minoxidil for your boy. With ingredients that work, including chews Oral medications, serums and sprays. It is Dr. Trusted and they use clinically proven ingredients like finasteride and minoxidil that can stop hair loss and regrow hair. That's what I need in three to six months. The process is also 100% online, so there's no reason to be embarrassed. You don't gotta go to a doctor's office. You don't gotta do it. No. Insurance is also needed, which is huge. And it's one low price that covers everything from treatments to ongoing care starting at just $35 a month. So start your free online Visit [e-mail] Flagrant Fellas, stop wasting time. Just do this. That IS h I m s.com flagrant for personalized hair loss treatment options hims.com slagan Individual results may vary. This is based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride. Prescription is required. See website for full details, restrictions and important safety information. All right, guys, we're gonna take a break real quick to talk about Kraken. Kraken is your one stop shop for everything investing. They have over, I think 11,000etf' million users. They've been around longer than all these and pretty much all these other cryptocurrency platforms. It's like what bitcoin is to crypto. This is that for crypto platforms. It's been around, it's trusted. Guys, we've been on cracking. We're all, we're all out here doing it. I learned that I cannot pick stocks, so I just put all my money in bitcoin. I'm up a little bit. Bitcoin is at an all time high. $116,000 as of the time we recorded this ad.

[Mark Norman]

Damn.

[Andrew Schulz]

How are y' all doing? Schultz is up the most, I think.

[Alex]

Think, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And yeah, smart thing, dude, he just outsourced his.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's being handled by Tanya. Dude, we should give all of our money to Tanya. Be like, hey, figure this out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Pretty sound financial philosophy, right? Money to the accountants.

[Alex]

Religion doesn't matter, has nothing to do with anything. She's Jewish, but I'm like 15% up.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Alex]

Yeah, but I was dumb because I put all my stuff in ETFs. I should have just gone triple down on bitcoin.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, I did triple down on bitcoin. How much is it up, David? 10. But I just. It's the only thing I can trust that I believe will win in the long term. And I've lost so much Bitcoin. That it's nice to be able to get some value back.

[Alex]

Right now, I will say with the ETFs, I got paid like a couple hundred bucks. So I just took that money and then put it back in.

[Andrew Schulz]

Al, how you doing?

[Miles]

I'm about even.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Bitcoin. Just stop around.

[Miles]

Yeah, no, I should.

[Andrew Schulz]

I should have just go Bitcoin or Tanya. You know, Tanya is our bitcoin. Fiat guys, join in on the fun. Cryptocurrency. It's fun. You've looked at, have a diverse portfolio. You want to buy ETFs, do that on Kraken. You want to buy stocks, they got some stocks on Kraken. You want to just do anything financially, you can do it on Kraken. But join us. Have a little competition with us. And if you sign up now and use the code Flagrant50, you get $50 in free Bitcoin. Who knows what that could be worth? One day it could be worth $10 billion. I don't know. If you want, you go to kraken.com flagrant use the code FLAGRANT50. If again you want to claim your $50 in Bitcoin, which you do, and start trading with the best in the game. Also. Disclaimer. None of this was investment advice. Crypto trading involves risk of loss and is offer customers excluding New York and Maine through PayWord Interactive in. Let's get back to the show.

[Mark Norman]

Kink shaming. You mentioned no one kink shame. Like the ladies back when in my single days, I had a weird kink and women would flip out every time.

[Alex]

Go ahead.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I had this thing where after I orgasm, I like to leave, you know, they'd be like, what the hell? Like, whoa. Kink shame over here. Jeez.

[Andrew Schulz]

I like fresh air after I talk.

[Alex]

Yeah, I can't walk.

[Mark Norman]

Walk.

[Alex]

Right, right.

[Miles]

I didn't know we had the same kinks, man.

[Mark Norman]

How come yours is okay, but mine is? You wanted to be choked and spanked. I did all that. Please get it over.

[Andrew Schulz]

Are you Kinkless?

[Mark Norman]

I guess so. I like. I like a little ball grab. Oh.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, come on. Standard things.

[Miles]

I think it depends how much, like, how hard.

[Mark Norman]

Well, the guy always gets mad when I do. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

That'S what makes him a great joke writer. The guy gets mad when I do it. That's great. Okay.

[Mark Norman]

Thanks. But, yeah, it's. I guess I'm pretty meat and potatoes. It's kind of like stand up. Where I was so happy and grateful to be getting laid that I was just. I was you know, I was in it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Why? With it?

[Mark Norman]

Yes, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

I got you. That's fair.

[Alex]

I feel the same way, dude. I don't know. Especially ever since getting married, it's like, kinks are for other women. I feel like. You know what I mean? When you're with your wife, like, you can't do. You can't try out crazy shit, you know?

[Mark Norman]

I mean, we should be. That's what you should be doing.

[Andrew Schulz]

That topic, it. I. I hope to only have sex with this person for the rest of my life. Let's have some fun.

[Alex]

I'm out of the trying out stuff.

[Mark Norman]

I'm 21.

[Alex]

What the.

[Mark Norman]

How you done? Right?

[Miles]

This is the age you're supposed to be trying.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's that Catholic. Are you. Are you Catholic?

[Mark Norman]

Nah.

[Alex]

Die hard Catholic.

[Andrew Schulz]

This guy. I don't know, He's. He's big. Born, raised, still Catholic. So he. I think he's got that, like. This is all weird and shit.

[Alex]

This is the mother of my kid.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's a hack between you and me, between you and feet.

[Miles]

So. Yeah, you're just like one level past, like the sheet with the hole in it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, truly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Truly.

[Alex]

Yeah, that could be fun, actually. That's kind of kinky, right?

[Mark Norman]

Just make sure it's a not quilted. You know, I don't need any more inches lost.

[Alex]

You don't want down feathers. You got a goose feather in your gooch.

[Mark Norman]

I got bad news for you.

[Andrew Schulz]

Get Chipotle napkin.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. She's dying for you to do that freak shit, I think.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yes.

[Mark Norman]

So.

[Alex]

And you talk to us.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. We can be together. You got 50 more years with her. Whatever. Not 50, but 40. Whatever. So, like, I get. Get crazy. I mean, and I get. It's hard, it's awkward, but you got to do it. I don't know.

[Alex]

Have you had this moment of having a kid yet where, like, you've tried to be intimate and there's also just a baby monitor in the room, and you're like, oh, this is weird.

[Mark Norman]

You get over it.

[Alex]

You gotta, like, turn it the other way. You're like, I don't want to your.

[Andrew Schulz]

Baby sleep in the same room as you now.

[Alex]

Yeah, but then we got to go downstairs and move the baby monitor. Flip it around.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, I'll my wife with a Bjorn on right here. Come on.

[Andrew Schulz]

What are you talking about, dude? The kid should be in the room. He should know we.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, that's healthy. No, no, no, no.

[Alex]

Come on now. You can't do all that.

[Mark Norman]

All right, Let me talk to Her. I want to talk to your wife. Something's up.

[Andrew Schulz]

I bet she would be down.

[Mark Norman]

That's what you say, Guaranteed.

[Andrew Schulz]

I bet she'd be like, yeah, I would be down for all that.

[Mark Norman]

It's like that Chris Rock.

[Andrew Schulz]

And I say this about any wife, not your wife.

[Mark Norman]

I don't want to make it weird.

[Andrew Schulz]

Any wife is probably like, yeah, I'm this guy. For the rest. I'm. I'm a good, faithful woman. Let's have some fun.

[Alex]

Wait for the kids to be out of the house, you know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Out of the house.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's. Your kid is 10 months old.

[Alex]

Exactly. So run it, Mish. For a while, you know? Oh my God.

[Andrew Schulz]

What are you doing?

[Miles]

Telling you, bro.

[Mark Norman]

What should we do?

[Alex]

Do you have any advice?

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm going to tell my. I'm going to text my kids when I'm their mom.

[Alex]

E, stop.

[Andrew Schulz]

Don't do that.

[Miles]

Now you getting.

[Andrew Schulz]

Hey, your mom's about to get. Don't come home for a bit.

[Alex]

No, come on now.

[Andrew Schulz]

I need six minutes. Don't come home for six minutes.

[Miles]

Put the sock on the doorknob.

[Mark Norman]

That's. That's all you need to do.

[Andrew Schulz]

I hope they hear it. No, you need to know your parents love each other.

[Alex]

Oh, what does it sound like?

[Mark Norman]

Akash for her. Hurry up. Thank you, come again. Oh, man. Damn.

[Alex]

Yeah, dude, I don't know about all that.

[Mark Norman]

No, but get in there. Because my friend's a personal trainer and he's like, dude, the amount of married women who are just dying because he's like a ripped, hot, tall guy and.

[Miles]

He'S like, personal trainers are pieces of.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, my God. Fuck.

[Miles]

Everybody's a girl.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Miles]

Yeah, it's really bad.

[Mark Norman]

Moms, wives with kids, like everything. They're all dating. These are married to these finance guys who are like on the road, they're busy. And these. These personal trainers, the women are like, yeah, all over him.

[Andrew Schulz]

And he doesn't take advantage.

[Mark Norman]

He doesn't. He's. He's too scared of them suing him or killing him or something. And he gets. He does fine on his own. Yeah, but he's like, it's wild out there, the amount of women. I also knew a guy who was an Uber driver and he said drunk cheek chicks were just like cheating on everybody, getting in the car, all over him. Then they'd be like, my boyfriend's dick doesn't work. What do you got working here? And they'd like, you know, wow. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

I've heard. I've heard stories like that. Uber drivers will be like, yeah, girl got drunk, fellas.

[Andrew Schulz]

Eat your wife's ass.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, do it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Get in there.

[Mark Norman]

It'll keep her.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, dude, Dine in.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You know, you need to try a little Molly one day and just spice it up, you know, I just going to want to start something new.

[Andrew Schulz]

How do you. After that, you probably got to keep doing it, right?

[Miles]

It's just like, no, it's like you'll both be loose, and then, like, you'll try something different, and then you'll be like, oh, I kind of like that. And then when you're normal, you keep doing the thing that you like.

[Andrew Schulz]

While you were Molly, you're waiting.

[Miles]

Yeah, basically.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You can't get out of your head right now.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that's true. You got to open the door a little, and then you'll be fine.

[Alex]

Then you got to go back to being a parent immediately after the kid wakes up and you're like, well, one of us got to go up there, you know?

[Andrew Schulz]

So.

[Alex]

What are you saying on Molly? You're going to go take care of your.

[Andrew Schulz]

Go love your kid the most? You're the ones that tell me to do Molly. You have sat there and said, you should do Molly. That's weird. Now you're an addict with your friends.

[Alex]

At a party, at a rave. You don't want to be, like, in your apartment.

[Andrew Schulz]

Don't love your friends the most when you're on Molly. Yeah, you've done it.

[Alex]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

So why wouldn't you go love your kid the most? You're going to go deprive him of that pure love? You monster. You're going to go do it with your homeboys. You're going to go give them all the love in the world. World. Then come home to your son with this muted Catholic version of yourself. What is that, dude?

[Alex]

Can't give my kid too much love.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, dude. Then what?

[Miles]

Hey, he just wants to be a good white pair.

[Andrew Schulz]

Get on Molly. Do some freaky. Go hug your son after.

[Alex]

Yeah, all right.

[Mark Norman]

You keep bringing up the sun. This is the Catholic in you. It's the diddling. That's what it is. It's in you, baby. You can't get away from the priesthood.

[Alex]

I'm trying to repress it, dude. I think all my priests were on Molly. I think that was the issue. That was really the point.

[Andrew Schulz]

Problem, dude.

[Alex]

They were too excited.

[Andrew Schulz]

Nah, dude, I. Mark Norman is absolutely right. Do freaky with your wife. Who cares about your kid. What does that even mean?

[Alex]

I mean, how do you spice it up. Mark, what's. What's the secret?

[Mark Norman]

It's awkward. I totally get it, cuz it's your wife, you know, you. You love her. It's serious. It's sacred. You got the kid. But I think you got to just get over that hump. You just got to do it and just grit your teeth and say that crazy dirty talk.

[Andrew Schulz]

Anything, anything else.

[Mark Norman]

Dirty talk. Put a finger up there, eat this, lick that, pull that, yank this. You know, know, it's like a bop it.

[Andrew Schulz]

And that's what you should do. Bop it.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, twist it.

[Mark Norman]

Also, not for nothing, you get, you know, you and your wife, you get a little angry at each other. This the baby can wear on a marriage. If she likes some crazy. You can get it out. Get that anger out joke.

[Alex]

I hope she likes choking.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, get a lot out with some choking.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's honestly PhD level.

[Mark Norman]

You know what? Great. Say X. Chris Brown and Rihanna. I mean, you know, he got a lot out.

[Alex]

It's probably true.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Up to a point.

[Andrew Schulz]

I thought it was there doing it when they weren't.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that was a problem in the bedroom.

[Andrew Schulz]

My bedroom was phenomenal.

[Alex]

Yes, that's a good point. I see how he takes photos of fans. I'm like, he's probably pretty.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, man, that was crazy. That's why it's got to suck to be a boxer. You know, boxers always beat their wives or whatever. And you're like, like, well, I get it. Cuz I try to be funny at home, you know, they doing their job at home.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, man. You're good, dude. You're good. That's good.

[Mark Norman]

I'll give it.

[Alex]

I'll give it a try.

[Mark Norman]

Give it a shot. Give it a shot. Send me the video, please.

[Alex]

I'll name our next child Mark.

[Mark Norman]

Okay, there you go.

[Andrew Schulz]

Can you. We don't need to know what happened, but can you just do some freaky and just let us, just text us like, it's done, it's happened and I just want to know how it felt. I bet you'd be like, that was great.

[Mark Norman]

And ask her.

[Andrew Schulz]

And I bet she'd be like, yeah, that was awesome.

[Alex]

Like I'm a hitman. The job has been taken care of.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yes. You keep making light of it. I'm being serious. Do some weird.

[Alex]

Have you, have you tasted breast milk yet?

[Mark Norman]

Many times, right?

[Alex]

It's nice.

[Mark Norman]

It's great. And I had a hangover and I ate some and I was good. That is magic. I believe that it's all nutrients.

[Andrew Schulz]

If when I have Kids, I'm have my kid on one, tip me on the other.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Andrew Schulz]

I believe this. Dude. I think. I think it's. And it is the.

[Mark Norman]

The.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm not the first person who said this at all, but, like, it is weird that we will drink cow's breast milk, and then if somebody drinks a human's breast milk, people are like, what the is wrong with you?

[Mark Norman]

Interesting.

[Andrew Schulz]

Cow's breast milk.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, but you would eat a cow. You would eat a human. Good counter.

[Alex]

Good counterpoint, I guess.

[Andrew Schulz]

But I don't fully see that.

[Mark Norman]

Well, you're sake. They're sacred to you, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't need a cow.

[Mark Norman]

You don't eat a cow.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, but you.

[Mark Norman]

What about the milk?

[Andrew Schulz]

I'll drink milk.

[Mark Norman]

All right.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's part of why we don't eat it. I think we feel like we get so much from the cat.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, what about suede?

[Andrew Schulz]

That's where Indians are all. Not all wear leather. We'll all have leather. Everything.

[Mark Norman]

There you go.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's a. It's a Hindu. Real, like, hypocrisy there.

[Mark Norman]

That.

[Andrew Schulz]

We just love leather.

[Mark Norman]

Right. It's like the Jews where they hire a guy to turn the TV on.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Love a loophole.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. But I. I still feel like it's. You're drinking a cow's bread. Breast milk. Yeah. That's weird. That's objectively weird. Sustenance I can eat. I can understand. Eating another animal for substance. Eat or sustenance. Eating your own animal. Your own. That's weird. Your own species. Like a dog eating a dog is weird. Dog eating chicken is not right. If a dog started sucking on a cow for milk and not his own mom, you'd be like, that's weird.

[Mark Norman]

Well, what about a human eating a dog?

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, that's. You just don't do. Because they're awesome.

[Mark Norman]

And now we're back to China. Yeah. Yeah. It is weird how we pick and choose. You're allowed to eat a cow, but not really a horse.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, or you can eat a. I don't know what a chicken, but you can't eat a pigeon. I don't know. We have these weird.

[Alex]

The Frenchly pigeons.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, really?

[Alex]

You know what I mean? Like the Italians lead horses and, you know, people have.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Alex]

They bend rules based on culture, cultural.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think it's how much the animal means to you. But pigeon is an exception. But like horses, they, like. Americans value horses. Dogs in India, they don't. They value cows.

[Mark Norman]

So you.

[Andrew Schulz]

Cows you know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

But the pigeon is like, I get maybe disease or some.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Because we. We live in New York. You just see those pigeons just eating horseshit, you know, filthy and stuff. They're saying the N word. Random New York pigeons are wild. Yeah, they are.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, a random bit I think about all the time. Is Hannibal talking about kicking a pigeon? I want to kick pigeons all the time.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

That bit. I can't explain it. Every time I see a pigeon just walking like he can't get kicked, I'm like, I'll kick the. Out of here.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Fly out of my way. I think about it all the time.

[Mark Norman]

I think that bit kind of broke him. He was like a struggling comic. And that bit hit and then the pit. The pickle juice. Yeah. Propelled him.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, dude.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. He's great. We need him back.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think he's back to stand up. I think.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I think so.

[Alex]

He's got a spot in Brooklyn.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, that's right. He bought Knitting Factory. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Dude, You've got a sick venue.

[Andrew Schulz]

When we were coming up, Knitting Factory was the hottest room.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. In the.

[Andrew Schulz]

There was nothing like it, really. I would get claustrophobic walking to where the comics hung out through the crowd because it was standing room and it was so tight together. I would, like, hyperventilate a bit just trying to get through.

[Mark Norman]

That's true. It was so cool. There was nothing really in Brooklyn. Now Brooklyn's got a million shows, but that was like, the show. And Hannibal was like, the cool guy. Yeah. You see Nick Kroll on it or Birbiglia or Melaney Williams drop in. What? Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Holy shit.

[Andrew Schulz]

And he was so nice to me. And this is one of the few times I regret taking a picture with someone. Not because he's not awesome, because he's is. But he was really nice. We talked a little bit, and I was like, hey, would you be cool getting. He said, yeah. But then I looked at the picture, and he just looked, like, frowning almost. And he was like. I think he didn't want to take this. And I. I regret taking that picture with him.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

I have it and I could post it, but it's just like, he don't look like he wanted me to take that picture.

[Mark Norman]

Well, meeting you is what killed him. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

That was the moment he wanted to forget so badly.

[Mark Norman]

Damn. That's crazy. That's great, though. You got the. I got a photo with Norm, like, you know, right before he died. And I'm So glad I have it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. He complimented me on one of my bits, but I don't think it was because he didn't go out of his way to do it. He did with another comic, Joy L. Johnson. But then I came up to him and said, hey, it's honored to meet you. Whatever. That was awesome. And then he said something about my bib. It felt like he's saying it just to be nice. But that's so cool that Rob Williams is that nice. He's like, I should compliment this kid on bit. Yeah, yeah. And then we talked about the bit and it was like, what a crazy fucking thing.

[Mark Norman]

That's incredible.

[Andrew Schulz]

It was this bit I had about how art was, like, fake and didn't really mean anything. He was like, it is all pretentious bullshit, blah, blah, blah.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's why I hate. I think he said LA or something. Everybody's just pretending there's something or not something. It was just like, this is so surreal. But then we had a little conversation and I was like, what a nice guy. And I wish I had just left it at that.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And I asked for the picture and I'm like, I did that completely for me, obviously, but, like, I wish I had just been like, this is enough and I'm out. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But you got the photo.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Pretty great, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

It's also nice when a depressed guy completely agrees with your point. You know what I mean? You're like, yeah, dude, art is stupid.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's right.

[Alex]

Everything means nothing.

[Mark Norman]

Like, you're gray too much here. Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

Did he do time on stage?

[Andrew Schulz]

He did. Oh, how was it? It was great. I mean, he's Rob. He wasn't doing the full Robin Williams thing, but it was still awesome. It was just, like, so surreal. I don't. I don't remember a single joke, but you're just watching this absolute larger than life legend on stage and it's just such a surreal.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's so cool.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's. That's the biggest person I've ever seen do comedy. And there's no disrespect to rock or Chappelle, just like, Robin Williams is a different thing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Fucking the genie.

[Mark Norman]

That's the cool thing about this business is, like, you'll see Robin Williams at a bar show. You know, like, if you're Mick Jagger, you're not really gonna pop into some bar room where the guy's playing guitar. We're still kind of close to these legends.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Like, we see Chappelle all the time at the Cellar. Or whoever. Jimmy Fallon just did the vu. I had to go on after him. Whoa.

[Andrew Schulz]

How was that?

[Mark Norman]

He was great. But it's just so fun to watch the audience see him. That shit never gets old. They're like, oh, my God, their heads are melting. Yeah, it's great, right?

[Alex]

We were standing outside McDougal and we're like, oh, yeah, I think Chappelle's about to go on. And everyone's like, did he go on yet?

[Mark Norman]

I don't know.

[Alex]

And then all of a sudden, you hear just an explosion in the room, everyone cheering. We're like, oh, I think you just went on.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And it was like three minutes of just cheering.

[Mark Norman]

Of course.

[Alex]

It's crazy.

[Andrew Schulz]

I started right after he left Chappelle's show. And I remember he said it, I'm comedy Bigfoot. Because you would. You People would text each other in LA. It was spread out. I started in LA. It was like 45 minutes away from every spot comic Chappelle's on stage, right? And you would just have to go, that's it. And people like you, because he's in Africa, he's this, he's that. You never think you're gonna see him. And then he drops in. Holy fuck. Now you know it's a possibility. And you hit the lottery if it happens. But then it didn't even cross your mind. And now he's just stopping in.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. Yeah.

[Alex]

Have you ever got famous people coming to your shows? Or, like, you just. People tell you, like, oh, by the way, this person's at your show right now.

[Mark Norman]

Just. I've had some athletes. I had Josh Allen come to a show in Buffalo. Yeah. Had some, like, hockey players, some football players. They all know Shane. So Shane will text me and go, hey, guess some crazy name, Lamar or whatever wants to come to your show. And I'm like, great, I'll put them on the list, you know? But I don't. I'm not a huge sports guy, so I don't know. But I've had a couple UFC guys, stuff like that.

[Andrew Schulz]

I hate knowing they're there.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Andrew Schulz]

I hate knowing. And the way I describe, anytime I know a person that's at the show, I hate it because it's like, we can all have off nights. Every comic bombs throughout their career. It's like, if Steph Curry can have an off night shooting a basketball, I can certainly have an off night doing comedy. But you watch Steph Curry 82 times a year. You see me once. So if I bomb, you're like, that guy Sucks, right? Steph Curry, you're like, well, there's 81 other games a year. I see him absolutely dominate, so I know he's great. Me, you're like, nah, well. And that's just always hanging there.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

This could be the off night.

[Mark Norman]

And that's Dev. You're just Curry. But yeah, no, you're totally right. Off nights they are out there. And the whole time you're like, volkanovsky's here, Volanov. That's all you're thinking about during your set.

[Andrew Schulz]

And even if it's going well, how do you. How did that land? Did that land, though? As well as it could have? Because Volkanovski's watching.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly, exactly. Yeah.

[Alex]

Like your family gone.

[Mark Norman]

That is my all time worst. Yeah. I hate that they're coming to my. I'm doing a show in Hattiesburg and I'm from New Orleans, so it's like a two hour drive. So my parents are coming and the whole night's ruined now.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, not as little as I can, I think. I've. I've been doing it 20 years. I've gone up in front of them five times. Times.

[Andrew Schulz]

Once.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

I remember thinking, I just want them to say they saw me in case they die. I don't want to walk away being like, I never even let them watch my set. What was I doing? They watched one.

[Mark Norman]

Damn. You.

[Alex]

Are your parents Robin Williams? You know what I mean? I saw him once.

[Mark Norman]

We took a photo. He didn't like it at all. He was depressed.

[Alex]

Yeah. My dad just came to the show in Montreal and I was stressed the whole time because, like, my dad lived in Montreal for many years.

[Andrew Schulz]

Years.

[Alex]

And then left. And now I'm going to Montreal to do a show. And, like, he loves comedy. He's the reason I do stand up. So now I'm doing a show in his city where he was just like a poor kid, like, trying to make it work. And now I'm doing a show there and he's there with his sister.

[Mark Norman]

That's great.

[Alex]

It was like a whole, like, cosmic thing. And I was like, dude, if this show sucks.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it's a nightmare.

[Miles]

Did you change any of the material?

[Alex]

No, no, I didn't. It's also like, you're in a different spot because, like, y' all are successful.

[Mark Norman]

You know what I mean?

[Alex]

So your parents can be like, even if you have a bad show, they're like, yeah, it wasn't good. But, like, you know, look at all the numbers. For me, it's like my Par parents and then, like, 70 other people.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Oh, come on. You're not selling tickets, but you gotta.

[Alex]

Hope that it works.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, of course.

[Alex]

And they're not like, oh, this was a huge mistake. We need to reel him back in. We need to do an intervention.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, I didn't even think about this. You started off opening for Schultz, performing for famous people. Yeah. Like Matthew McConaughey. Seen you do stand up.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

McConaughey came to a show. Dax came to a show. Who else? I forget his name. He's in. He's in a bunch of movies. White dude. He was in the new twister movie. Movie. Glen Powell.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

Glenn Po.

[Alex]

Damon.

[Andrew Schulz]

Are you.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

Not as phased by it.

[Alex]

Well, the good part is that I don't watch any movies.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh.

[Alex]

So, like, McConaughey and Dax came backstage after the show in Austin.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I was so excited.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

To meet Dax.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Because of his pod.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Because I listen to his pod all the time, and I really like Dax, and I obviously respect Ma as, like, a legend, but, like, I've never seen a movie.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So I was like, this guy's cool. Like, he's, you know. All right, all right, all right. Yeah, but that's, like, basically the extent. But I was like, dax, let's talk about this pod you did with this guy. I was way more excited.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is what a dweeb he is. He likes experts on experts. He doesn't even like armchair experts where they talk to celebrities. He likes the one where they talk to the virologist about where Kobe started.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. Oh, wow.

[Alex]

So I want to talk to him about that. And then Mad, is there just cockpit blocking me, you know, just telling an awesome story about banging awesome women.

[Mark Norman]

Right. No, no.

[Alex]

Not the time. All right. I'm trying to talk to Dax about Nerd.

[Mark Norman]

He wasn't punked, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I think.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

But it was awesome. But, like, that happens all the time. We're like. Like, I'll be hanging with Derek because Derek knows every movie ever posting.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, someone will come backstage. I'm like, oh, who's this guy? He's like, oh, he's. That's Matt Damon.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, oh.

[Mark Norman]

Cause, you know, Olive's like, that's two girls, one cookie. Yeah. The parents thing is tough because my parents are very honest. Like, they're kind of blunty autistic y. And so, like, I went to film school. You don't say, apple doesn't far. I'll fall far. But, yeah, I. I Went to film school, and I had to make a big movie at the end. That's the. The how you graduate. And I played the movie for them. They're like, all right, let's see what we paid for here. And my mom was like. Like, that sucked. Yeah.

[Alex]

Did she cut it with anything like, oh, but you were good in the. She.

[Mark Norman]

Not really. She was like, ah, that was a white clown. She said I didn't love it. Oh, wow, okay.

[Alex]

What was the movie?

[Mark Norman]

It was a bad movie, I'll give her that. It's like a 20 minute short about making a movie. I tried to be meta, which, like, everyone has done. So it was the hackiest idea. But she was like, yeah, I feel like I've seen stuff like that before. And, you know, I didn't love it. By the way, what's for dinner? Like, she'll just cut. Get out of there. And so I started doing standup.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's how you started?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, you owe your mom your career.

[Mark Norman]

I guess so. Yeah. But stand up. You can't defute refute because it's. It's. People are laughing, so you're like, you might not like it, but it's killing. So.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, they'll be offended.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Alex]

When my mom came to the show, she came to a show at MSG when I was opening for Schultz.

[Mark Norman]

Wow.

[Alex]

And I did a joke about my mom having autism.

[Mark Norman]

Oh.

[Alex]

And then after the show, everyone's, like, hanging in the green room. It's like a big celebration. Everyone's super excited. Excited. And my mom, I see her for the first time, I didn't tell her I was gonna do the joke. And I was like, oh, God, I just humiliated her in front of all these people. Let's see what she says. And she just walks up to me and goes, I was in the show.

[Andrew Schulz]

She was so excited.

[Alex]

And then the whole night, she wouldn't drop it. So, like, I'm talking with, like, famous people. I'm talking with, like, yeah, literally. And I'm, like, hanging out with, like, some, like, very prominent athlete. We're talking about. Whatever. And then my mom just comes up and I'm like, oh, this is my mom. And she goes, hello, below. I have autism.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, wow.

[Alex]

And then the athlete would be like, what? Because she's like, oh, remember from the opener set, I'm. I'm the one. And he goes, oh, I got here right after the opener. And she goes, ah, you missed it. Whatever. But, like, is that the most autistic thing in the world to interrupt a conversation and be like, I have autism. You know, truth and comedy.

[Miles]

She's awesome.

[Alex]

It was awesome.

[Mark Norman]

But also, if your mom was super normal and loving, you might not be doing stand up.

[Alex]

No, no, no.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah. Give and take.

[Andrew Schulz]

Do you think about going back to movies? I'm sure the opportunity's there for you at this point.

[Mark Norman]

I'd rather make a. I can't act IMD. I've auditioned for 9,000 roles. I've never gotten one.

[Andrew Schulz]

Really?

[Mark Norman]

People like, this role is made for you. It's a retarded kid in Brooklyn who wants to do stand up. And I'm like, I got it. And then I blow it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Do they ever let you just improv and do your.

[Mark Norman]

Like, I've tried everything. I've done improv. I've stuck to the lines. I've rehearsed. I rehearsed. I got a coach. Nothing while.

[Andrew Schulz]

So you would be behind the scenes of a movie, though?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I'd rather do Woody Allen and, you know, Asian. That was too soon. Ye. But, yeah. He's doing the podcast rounds, by the way. You seeing this? He just did Bill Maher. He just did Barry Weiss.

[Andrew Schulz]

Let's have him on. Let's ask him about these kids.

[Alex]

All right.

[Mark Norman]

Totally. Yeah. They weren't kids.

[Alex]

They weren't kids.

[Miles]

I don't think that's gonna help.

[Alex]

They used to be kids.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'd like you to explain that. Yeah, yeah, that'd be awesome.

[Mark Norman]

I think he's innocent.

[Alex]

Well, there's no.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's a lot of white people who say he's innocent. A lot of minorities who don't know anything about the case but think he's guilty.

[Mark Norman]

Well, he's our. He's our Michael Jackson.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know, he's a brilliant artist. I don't know if he's innocent. I'm just around. But basically, he was married to Mia Farrow, started banging her daughter or her adopted daughter, Asian girl. And then she flipped. So I think she goes, hey, he was. He was molested. Everybody. Everybody. Because they have, like, eight kids. Ah. So some of the kids say, yeah, he's a piece of. And some of the kids say, no, he's innocent.

[Alex]

But when he was with the daughter, the adopted daughter, Soon Yi, she was of age.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. 21, which is probably. And he was 50 something. Yeah. For sure. So obviously it's weird, but it's not criminal. Illegal. Yeah. And he went to court twice for the molesting. Dismissed both times. Wow.

[Alex]

So that's how good Annie hall was.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

The judge was like, yeah, well, look.

[Andrew Schulz]

Let'S get him on the bl. Let's see what's up.

[Mark Norman]

Brilliant guy. And like, who knows what he did, but can't take away from the movies.

[Andrew Schulz]

It'd be nice to have a guy on and ask him about this.

[Mark Norman]

Sex with kids. Yeah. And you know, it's funny.

[Andrew Schulz]

He was.

[Mark Norman]

He did Bill Maher and Bill Mar's like, how. How was that cancel? It was horrible.

[Miles]

Was that him holding her right there?

[Mark Norman]

That's their kids. That's their kids. Oh, okay.

[Miles]

I thought that would be crazy.

[Mark Norman]

That would be crazy. They grow up st fast. But yeah, yeah, he did B and b. Mar's like that cancel. You were like the beloved darling of show business and then you got canceled. What? How'd that feel? He's like, I was older. I didn't care. What are you going to do? I made all my. I live in Paris now. I don't give a.

[Andrew Schulz]

They love kids in Paris. That's like their thing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, true. Paris does not give a. What?

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, Midnight in Paris is actually about a girl turning 12.

[Miles]

You want to get him on the show?

[Mark Norman]

Which one?

[Alex]

It's like playing both sides.

[Andrew Schulz]

I would love to have him on the show and ask him about this. Yeah, I'm being very honest.

[Alex]

I think he's excited to come on.

[Andrew Schulz]

I know he's excited to come on.

[Mark Norman]

A 12 year old.

[Andrew Schulz]

That joke was there. That's your fault. That's your fault.

[Alex]

Honestly, don't blame me for this.

[Mark Norman]

Had to take it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Guys, let's take a break for a second so we can talk about Talkspace. Talkspace is the number one rated online therapy. You can get help. Professional support from licensed therapists and psychiatrists that you can talk to anytime, anywhere. Psychiatrist's office, therapist's office. They got office hours. Talkspace makes getting help convenient. You can take your appointments from the comfort and privacy of your own home. That's nice. Just go to a little quiet room, have a therapy session. And you can even talk it out between sessions by sending text messages to your therapists. Not inappropriate text messages, regular text messages. And you can get therapy and medication all in one place. Unlike other telehealth companies, Talkspace also gives high quality care that is backed by science. They partner with major research institutions to validate the treatment methods. Make sure you receive the best care possible from anywhere. As a listener to this podcast, you get $80 off your first month of Talkspace when you go to talkspace.com flagrant and enter the promo code SPACE80. That is S P A C E 80. So to match the licensed therapist today, go to talkspace.com flagarant and enter the promo code SPACE80. Now let's get back to the show, guys. You see the blue lights? You know what that means? That means it's hard dick time. You can't be walking around with that weak dick game, fellas. And most of y' all got got it. Look, there's a top tier of guys who are probably good at sex. Al's not one of them. I'm not one of them.

[Mark Norman]

He's a hater.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm just saying, same cruise him. You know what I mean? Al, giant dick apparently don't know how to use it. That is like when Captain America tried to pick up Thor's hammer. He don't know what he's doing with it. Bluetooth is the move. That's what you got to do. All right. Give the group chat something to talk about.

[Mark Norman]

What the are you talking about?

[Alex]

Post a pic in the group chat. Just be like, yo, this is what it did for me.

[Miles]

The line is give her group chat.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, my bad. I misread the ad copy. Give her group chat something to talk about. Leave my error in. Don't edit it out. Yeah, and hey, hey, you give your own group chat something to talk about, too. Say I just laid the best pipe I've ever laid in my life.

[Alex]

Look at my P.E. right now. You and you're hungry. You know what I mean?

[Andrew Schulz]

Send a dick pic to your friends. Otherwise that is inappropriate. But if you send it to your friends, it's hilarious. Anyway, as always, Flagrant got a special deal for their listeners. You get your first month of Bluetooth for free if you go to blue bluechew.com and use the pro promo code flagrant at checkout. All you have to do is pay $5 for shipping. That is it. Join Bluetooth's mission to upgrade humanity one thrust at a time, one hard dick at a time, one vein at a time. Head to bluechew.com also check out the details and safety info. Make sure you're being safe when you're giving girls the best dick of their life. And as always, shout outs to Bluetooth for sponsoring this podcast. Our longest running sponsor. Let's get back to the show. Have you seen this Tucker Carlson Sam Altman interview?

[Mark Norman]

I have not. I saw the Mark Cuban.

[Andrew Schulz]

What happened there?

[Mark Norman]

Oh, that was where Carlson called him out for not donating to Ukraine. Oh, it was got pretty. It got pretty ugly.

[Andrew Schulz]

So this is unbelievable. From Tucker, Sam Altman, head of OpenAI Chad, GBT, all that. Someone that was an early employee there, I think got murdered. And Tucker Carlson, we can watch the whole thing and we'll cut it out if we need to, but Tucker Carlson, the way he does this is. Honestly, whatever you think of him, this is.

[Mark Norman]

He's good, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's nice.

[Mark Norman]

Do you think he committed suicide? I really do. Does it not look like one to you?

[Alex]

No, he was definitely murdered. I think there were signs of a struggle. Of course, the surveillance camera, the wires had been cut. Have you talked to the authorities about it?

[Mark Norman]

I've not talked to the authorities about it.

[Alex]

And his mother claims he was murdered on your orders.

[Mark Norman]

Do you believe that?

[Andrew Schulz]

I. I'm.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I'm.

[Alex]

I'm ask.

[Mark Norman]

I mean, you just said it. I haven't done too many interviews where I've been accused of, like.

[Alex]

Oh, I'm not accusing you at all. I'm just saying his. His mother says that.

[Andrew Schulz]

That this is what I think is so good. He plays so dumb.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

The whole time, and he's just like, I have no idea. I don't know. What do you think? And the guy's like, suicide? And he. Again, this is coming from a guy who said he knew nothing about. He's like, well, can't be suicide, right? In multiple rooms, security cameras. The wire's been cut. Like he knows everything.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then he just lets it up there. Are you accusing me of murder? I'm. I'm not. He just goads him in with, like, playing like such a idiot. And then he knows everything about the case.

[Mark Norman]

Can you. I don't know who got murdered. Like, who is this?

[Andrew Schulz]

So there's an early employee, I believe, if I'm not mistaken, at OpenAI, which is Chad GPT company. He left the company. I don't think he left on great terms. And then he winds up. I don't know if he's trying to start another company or what, but he winds up getting murdered. Can we look at this real quick? Weeks after he became a. Oh, he accusing accused OpenAI of violating copyright law by training its AI models on copyrighted data. So he's accusing them of shit that they could get sued for.

[Mark Norman]

He became a whistleblower.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's a whistleblower.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then he gets murdered. Well, then he dies, and it seems like it's a murder. And then Sam Altman is the head of the company. And then Tucker, point asks him, basically point blank, did you murder this guy?

[Mark Norman]

Wow. Yeah. Why is that guy doing interviews if this shit happened to my company? I'd be like, I'm not talking to anybody.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't think he thought he would get accused of being a murderer.

[Mark Norman]

This guy's doing Theo's pod. Like he's willing to talk to people.

[Andrew Schulz]

Sam Altman did.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, he did.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, I did not know that.

[Alex]

But you get to make your company's reputation very palatable to the public. You know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Sure.

[Alex]

I also think the way that these like, tech companies work and like really any major, like earth changing company, is that in my opinion, again, I don't know what happened. I. The higher teams that kind of handle shit. So I was talking to a friend of mine that consults on a lot of these big companies, and at one point there was a company that had hired a team to basically be like, hey, whatever I need to get done, you guys handle. And they basically create like installation. So I don't think Altman knew anything. Or like, I don't think that they would be so dumb as to directly implicate him. Some type of like, line that could be subpoenaed. But I do think that they probably have teams internally. These massive companies that get shit taken care of is the way I see things.

[Mark Norman]

I don't know, can we pull that guy up? It's just weird. This guy. If you look at, if you don't know anything and you look at Tucker Carlson and Sam Altman together, you're like.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, look up Sam Altman.

[Mark Norman]

The guy on the left is clearly the more famous, richer world shifting guy. These guys, they look like they work at GameStop, New Balance and a sweater. That guy's in charge of like a seismic shift in technological advancements in the country changing the world. That guy. Look at that guy. That's crazy. And he's at least wearing a blazer.

[Alex]

I mean, the tech oligarchs I find very funny. Yeah, I was listening to the thing yesterday about these, like the way the tech is shifting things and how every different political faction has their own philosophy on tech. But one of the things that he pointed out was like, these tech guys are. They were bullied.

[Mark Norman]

All of them were bullied.

[Alex]

And that they have no connection to like their physical form. Like, they're not physically domineering in any way. So as a result, they see themselves as just their iq. They're like, they exist as their iq, they exist as their brain. And they're trying to change the world to. To where everything is just brain based. And so you're like being in touch with nature. Like your physical reality doesn't really matter because to them it never mattered. And the thing that got them out and got them success is ultimately their brain.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Alex]

So like basically trying to create human beings in a way that you can get rid of all the physical shit that you are just ultimately productive, hyper rational and operating as a computer and then ultimately finding symbiosis with the computer.

[Mark Norman]

It's like they have big dick energy. That's big brain energy. Like, let's just go all in on mental and technology.

[Alex]

But we're letting nerds form the reality in the future.

[Mark Norman]

We live in thousand percent and it's hurting. I mean, look at like all the outrage goes to the top, you know, that's not helping. The culture war and the infighting. It's all bad. Like when TikTok might have gone away, I was secretly a little happy. Maybe it'll go away. I like TikTok. I make money on TikTok. But it's for the best. It's like when you go to your. Your shroom drawer and it's empty, you're like, probably for the best, you know, Never for me. I love a good shroom.

[Andrew Schulz]

Me too. I love it.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, nice.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it's my favorite thing.

[Mark Norman]

You won't eat a steak, but you eat shroom.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Th percent all right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Won't drink a beer.

[Alex]

I have shrooms because a steak is God, you know? But if you take shrooms, you see God.

[Andrew Schulz]

I do.

[Alex]

These tech guys are just again, not Altman alone. I don't think it's.

[Mark Norman]

But it's just all of them, Zuckerberg, all those guys, they're kind of ner.

[Alex]

And then they are the ones that make the world.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

They murdered Charlie Kirk, his wife.

[Alex]

They're the ones indirectly maybe.

[Mark Norman]

Well, I listened to his Theo and he's like. Theo's like, don't you think this could take all our jobs and ruin people's lives? He's like, it'll probably take my job eventually. And you're like. And you're still making it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Like, imagine introducing a hot guy to your wife. Like, this guy will probably fuck her eventually. What are you doing? Stop. You gotta stop at some point. But they can't. They're addicted.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, dude. I think they don't even see it. I think they just see it as progress.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

They're like, well, no, this is progress. If we get replaced, then that's what's supposed to happen. Its progress. It's really crazy how like emotionally removed they are from the will to survive or like, the desire to survive.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, totally.

[Alex]

Well, the. The ultimate. I don't know, the ultimate reality that could happen is just like the transhumanist shit. Have you heard of this?

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Alex]

Like, basically, we just, like, form in with computers and our consciousness exists, you know, on a server somewhere. And that is ultimately what you are.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And that's kind of, I think, how a lot of transhumanists see things. They're like, yeah, you are your brain. And so if your brain goes to a computer, that's still you.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

But then normal people would be like, well, I'm not that. I'm also like, my love and I'm. My emotions and my irrationality, and I don't want to just be.

[Andrew Schulz]

Upload. Meditation would say, like, you're not. You're the brain is the worst thing. Like, I think a lot of religions would say that's. That's something that gets you in trouble. You're supposed to come back to this.

[Mark Norman]

Interesting.

[Alex]

But it's like a. It's an interesting little paradigm. This is another thing. This guy Drag was like the YouTuber that did this video essay. But he was like. He made me a.

[Mark Norman]

Pretty.

[Alex]

Appreciate cognitive dissonance and hypocrisy. They're like, we're constantly trying to get rid of cognitive dissonance. Like, no, be perfectly rational. But I'm like, that's kind of what makes us human.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So anytime there's a dude that's, like, just being dumb and irrational, I'm like, isn't that nice?

[Mark Norman]

But then are we the guys in the. The who know the 1800s who are like, cars, Horses are the way. We got to stick with the animal. It's a mammal. This is where it's real. The car is a machine with pistons and gears and levers.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Are we those people who are like, hey, stop the production?

[Andrew Schulz]

That's a good point.

[Alex]

I don't know if those guys are wrong.

[Andrew Schulz]

I just don't think. I don't think the car could replace a human. That's the thing. It's like, to me, this is. This will replace us. I've never looked at a piece of technology and thought, well, and now we're all obsolete as a species.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah. Isn't that weird about the phone? The phone is obviously this amazing invention that's improved all our lives, but I'm also glad I grew up before it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, so glad.

[Mark Norman]

Isn't that weird? So glad. You would never say, like, oh, I'm so glad I grew up before the car. Yeah, you Know, but the phone, like.

[Andrew Schulz]

That is a great point.

[Mark Norman]

I had a childhood.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's a great point.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's no other technology I would think that with.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Like, oh, I was born before penicillin.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

You know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

But the phone, you're like, woo. I had a thoughts and played and imagination.

[Andrew Schulz]

Rode a bike.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, we're outside.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

But then sometimes ignorance is bliss because you grew up with the phone and so you don't even know what you're. What you missed out on.

[Alex]

I have an idea. You know what I mean? Like, I'm awful with directions. I don't know anything. I can't get around New York and it's grid. You know what I mean? Like it is the easiest place to navigate in the world.

[Andrew Schulz]

Also, this guy's whole thing is getting back to. He sleeps on the floor. Like he. I think he knows what the phone deprived him of.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, I don't know, but maybe I'm nostalgic for a thing I never experienced and maybe if I actually lived in the 80s or 80s.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. You wouldn't be as fucking weird. Today I sleep in a bed. I was outside.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

I camped.

[Mark Norman]

I remember they say that's the future. Like young, super young. Like Gen Alpha is gonna be like, we love nature. We love like a brick phone.

[Andrew Schulz]

I hope so.

[Mark Norman]

They. They're going to go backwards. Like, that'll be cool.

[Andrew Schulz]

Miles, the producer, his dad has a flip phone. It was so awesome to watch him open a flip phone. It wasn't a flip Motorola smartphone. It was a flip phone. He's making a call. I thought it was the most fire ever.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah. And now they're giving those to kids.

[Miles]

He also doesn't carry it, but he's in New York, so he has it, but he generally doesn't even carry it.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's awesome.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. Yeah. Good for him. Yeah. And I sit there and I go, how does he do it? Yeah, I printed out, we did it.

[Miles]

I printed out maps for him, like.

[Andrew Schulz]

Here at the studio.

[Miles]

Print out maps. He like gets around. It's. It's different, but he manages.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's very weird. I remember I had my phone stolen when I was in New York at a comedy club by some gay dudes. And they, they. One dude walked up, he's a village lantern you could just walk up on. So one dude walk up to me and he's like being like hitting on me or something's like, I don't know what's going on, man. I have my phone out his Other homie swiped the phone. They went, they left. And I looked down. My phone was gone. And then they were gone. But I had no phone for, like, three days. I couldn't afford another one. And the first day was miserable. Second day, I was like, oh, this is kind of nice. By the third day, I was like, this is the best I felt in years.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. It's great.

[Alex]

And then you guys get mad at me when I don't.

[Andrew Schulz]

You feel your brain, like, it's. It's all tightened.

[Mark Norman]

Interesting. Well, I mean, just seeing, like, Charlie Kirk. Shit. I wouldn't let my wife watch it. I was like, don't watch the shooting. It's just another thing that we don't need to be seeing.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. A thousand percent.

[Mark Norman]

When I was a kid, you have to seek out faces of death. Yeah. My friend's older brother's got a tape, and it shows a guy getting hit by a train. Let's check it out. We'd all get together and watch it out of Sleepover. Yeah.

[Alex]

It's a community event.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. I didn't even get it off my phone.

[Andrew Schulz]

Feel this thing where I'm like, I can't see it. I was like, oh, shit.

[Mark Norman]

Really? That's it.

[Miles]

That shit. I still see it right now.

[Mark Norman]

Same.

[Miles]

Like, I have. I wish I didn't see it.

[Andrew Schulz]

I didn't see. There was angles where people were like, it looks really up here. And I wouldn't watch those. But that distance shot, I was like, oh, that's crazy. That's a guy dying.

[Alex]

It's insane. It's crazy. And, like, if you saw it in person, people would be like, oh, you're traumatized. Yeah, you need to get a therapist. But if you see a 1080 or 4K video of it, people go, yeah, it's fine. Walk it off. You're like, no, this is. I've also. There's got to be some type of collective fallout from everyone seeing the most graphic ever.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And then the people celebrating it. You're like, really? What are you doing? Like, politics aside, that's weird to see celebrate something like that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Vile.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Vile.

[Alex]

It's awful.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's. I am seeing some Republicans be like, he never said a single thing rooted in hate. Which is like, that's not true. But I don't think he was as bad as what people say or as good as what people are saying. But either way, celebrating it is so gross.

[Mark Norman]

So strange. Still a guy who died in front of his kids.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, dude, that was. I was actually like, I'm not feeling super. I don't know why I'm not feeling super. Like, sad about it or happy. I. I just don't feel much. Then I saw a video of him on set of his show or whatever and his daughter running for.

[Mark Norman]

I saw that too.

[Andrew Schulz]

That brutal man.

[Mark Norman]

Brutal. God, brutal. And then I know people who. Who celebrated, who also have been offended by, like, a Jew joke I've told. And I'm like, crazy. Your priorities are out of whack.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. You know, it is crazy.

[Miles]

Are you worried at all? Like, a crazed fan comes after you.

[Mark Norman]

Say, I don't think because people did this after the Will Smith slap, they're like, it's going to happen and people are going to come on stage. And Chappelle had that dust up with the Transhumanist. But. But I feel like I'm not big enough or important enough, which is one of the. You know, you gotta be kind of a certain level. Yeah, but I've had just crazies attack me, but they were just like, guys I fucked with in the crowd. Oh, really? But never a guy. Like, I'm gonna go hurt him. Like, I'm gonna go to the show to get him. Yeah.

[Alex]

I feel like you'd be almost kind of disappointed at this point if you got attacked by a guy and you were like, oh, well, he's obviously. He knows me. And he's like, no, I've never heard of you.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, exactly.

[Alex]

You just did this for no reason.

[Andrew Schulz]

Maybe he's also charging admission. Assassin's gotta pay admission. Like, come on.

[Mark Norman]

That's a good point.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, you gotta buy a ticket to the fucking Wilbur to go shoot this.

[Alex]

Exactly. The back row seats are the most expensive.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That's what you got to do. 500 bucks.

[Mark Norman]

It's like the guys who yell at Seinfeld, they're like, free Palestine. He's like, you bought a ticket? You paid to do this? That's crazy. My ticket's like 300. Yeah.

[Alex]

I don't know. I just. I think we're too desensitized to all of it.

[Mark Norman]

Totally.

[Alex]

I think getting off the phones, I don't know if it's ever going to happen, if it's possible.

[Mark Norman]

I don't think so, but it would be nice. It'll be a choice. It'll be like, so sober people, you know? You're sober. Ish.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, okay.

[Mark Norman]

I thought you were sober.

[Andrew Schulz]

Hopefully Gen Alpha will be like these phones.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, a little bit, for sure. But their whole lives are on there. The texting and the memes and the Discord chats and Snapchat. It's. That's all they know.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

That's how they interact now. Yeah.

[Alex]

But it is a rich person flex. Like all the rich people flexes now are just going back to how people lived in the 90s.

[Mark Norman]

True.

[Alex]

Like a rich person flex is like, I own a home, I have a kid and I don't have a cell phone.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, you know what I mean?

[Alex]

Like those, like this is how rich people flex now.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then all the poor people are renting, they got no kids, they have seven iPhones.

[Mark Norman]

Right. I guess we did that too because we're like, we'll do a dinner by candlelight, a horse and buggy around the park. That's kind of just. That's old. Just going back.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Exactly. That is ultimate flex. If you want to really show out on this.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

In the Hamptons, they purposely buy those shitty ass 90s cars.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. That's a real thing out there. And you start to. After I was there for two weeks and by the end I was like, nah, that shit is awesome. It's really funny. Yeah. We all just work like that. Fashion is just. Who sees what.

[Alex]

We go all the way back and just everyone goes, Amish.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

We buy our groceries now from it too far back. No, I'm telling you, I think we.

[Andrew Schulz]

Would like saying when you grow up with phones, what you do?

[Mark Norman]

We would like we had a healthy.

[Andrew Schulz]

Place just now we're like, maybe we'll get a flip phone. And he's like, what if you just were Amish and built your own home and turned your own butter and you.

[Alex]

And all your friends would get together.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, sound like a crazy beat.

[Alex]

Your wives, like, it would be nice just as a group, just everyone doing.

[Mark Norman]

The same thing, you know what's worried about the Amish? Yeah. Ever thought about this? Their whole thing is they don't use electricity. Everybody knows that. But before electricity, they were just another group. You know what I mean? They weren't. What was the point? Yeah. You know, because now we know them as the non electricity people. But before electricity, they were just.

[Andrew Schulz]

They made their own furniture.

[Alex]

I guess they dressed funny, apparently.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's great furniture.

[Mark Norman]

I don't know.

[Alex]

We buy produce from an Amish farm.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, really? That's.

[Alex]

But we have a delivery thing and an Amish guide comes into town, knocks on our door.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's so annoying.

[Alex]

Good food. What do you want me to do? Where else are you going to get high value produce at a low cost?

[Mark Norman]

Is it true. They have no autism, no diabetes. Like, they have some. They're like superhuman because they don't use pills and all that.

[Andrew Schulz]

I profuse to believe. No, there's something like genetically, all of them are skinny.

[Mark Norman]

Like, all their women are skinny because of no preservatives.

[Andrew Schulz]

I mean, yeah, they're making all their own. They're building all their own homes. I. I see that, but I think they gotta have some autism.

[Alex]

I think they have a lower incidence of autism or something.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Andrew Schulz]

They probably throws in a river or some like that.

[Mark Norman]

Probably. Right. Yeah.

[Alex]

They build room in my house with the produce. Like, you want this?

[Mark Norman]

Luckily, they'll never hear this.

[Miles]

I would imagine a couple cousins of each other.

[Mark Norman]

No, it's a misconception.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, okay. Never mind. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

There's no way that was real. Yeah, I thought there's a lot of incest in, like, the Amish community.

[Mark Norman]

Bad. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's like a real problem.

[Alex]

Yeah. We don't have to only talk about the good stuff. I'm sure they do bad things too.

[Mark Norman]

Of course. Of course.

[Andrew Schulz]

Incest.

[Alex]

Oh, I thought that was.

[Andrew Schulz]

Okay, I see what you're doing. My bad, my bad, my bad. That was, you know, that was all completely on me. Completely on me.

[Miles]

Sometimes having a smartphone is good. You can call 911 when you get.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, good point. Good point.

[Alex]

That is true.

[Andrew Schulz]

Did you see the Dame Dash and Charlemagne? I've been dying to talk about it.

[Mark Norman]

No, I'm aware of Dame Dash.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, dude Producer. Have you seen him on Breakfast Club? The first time he came on. No, he came on, like, years ago. And Charlemagne is just like. He's the ultimate troll. He's the best at. I've never seen anybody better at the. Better than at, like, with people.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Than Charlemagne. But now he's been on this evolved kind of like therapy. I'm growing, I'm healing from my trauma, and it's all great, but I miss that guy.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

And this is vintage. We're going to pull up some clips. This is vintage Charlemagne and Dame Dash, who, it seems a little like, chip on his shoulder, maybe insecure, maybe. Whatever.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I think that's.

[Miles]

He's stuck in the 90s.

[Mark Norman]

Got it. Yeah. He's one of those.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's just. He tries to go at Charlemagne and it's just masterful.

[Mark Norman]

O. I can't wait.

[Andrew Schulz]

Your whole existence is gay. Sounds like you've been paid to do what you're doing. You should be objective on the radio.

[Mark Norman]

Paid to do something. Then you wouldn't be in debt.

[Andrew Schulz]

Debt Dash, that's his new name.

[Alex]

You should start a new label called Debt Jam.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's what you should.

[Mark Norman]

Wow. Well, I got to hand it to you guys. We got a lot of range we have, from the whitest pod to the blackest pod.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's what we try to do. We try to cover it all.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

We talked about Indian guy getting beheaded. We hit it all.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And Chinese eating dogs, which they're still doing. So there you go. Tick tock. We covered all of it.

[Alex]

So what do you see here? I. I genuinely don't know anything about Dame Dash.

[Andrew Schulz]

So. Dame. There's better clips out there of Charlemagne. Like, Dame Dash is his whole thing. Seems like he's projecting and it's like he's very insecure because Damon. Jay Z had rock affected Rockefeller. They fell out. Jay Z goes on to be a billionaire. Dame just kind of stalls out. And then Dame came on that podcast like, five years ago and just kept going. At Charlemagne, all you guys do is gossip, which is funny. He calls him chatty patties. He's like, if you don't have your own business, I can't respect you. Then this pod, he's like, you guys are feminine because you talk about other people. That's feminine behavior. Everything they do. He's like, that's not masculine to me. I. I'm only masculine. And it was just very. And charlamagne. The genius of Charlemagne is he will just laugh when he gets made fun of and then hit you. He says something about Charlemagne being gay, and he's like, what's wrong with being gay? He wasn't like, I'm not gay because what's wrong being gay? And then he goes, well, it's gay if you're. You're whatever. And you act like he's like, all right, well, I'm gay, you're broke. And it just. He's. I truly. He's like Floyd, where Floyd is like this the whole time and you can punch him, but it just kind of goes off of him and then he's going to jab you. He calls him Debt Dash because he's in debt. He's broke, everybody's saying. And he says his label is going to be called Depth Jam, and it's just constant jabs. And it's like the most masterful trolling I've ever seen in my life and.

[Mark Norman]

Didn'T break a sweat. So effortless. That was because it's hard to be in the pocket like that sometimes when the guy's coming at you. But he didn't even flinch, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

He doesn't get emotional. That's what. When I lose in these things, it's usually because I get emotional. I start caring.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

He just laughs and just goes, yeah.

[Miles]

They wanted to leave, like, 10 times.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Alex]

Know you're losing when you keep getting up.

[Andrew Schulz]

He keeps sitting down. Charlamagne, obviously, we love. We love because, you know, flagrant. Because brilliant idiots and all that. But, like, when I watch him do this. This is my favorite version of him.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

The therapy and anxiety. Good for you, right? I love this guy.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. That was great radio. I mean, can you imagine driving around listening to that?

[Andrew Schulz]

It's fantastic. I listened to the whole hour on the way here. It's just like, what a fucking. Just shot after shot. I think you're broke. I think you're lying. Just, like, so unaffected by the whole thing.

[Mark Norman]

Well, it also shows how good Bill Burr is. Did you see what he went on? I don't know, maybe like a year. And he got the best of Charlemagne. And Charlamagne's like, all right, all right. Jesus. You're like, damn, Bill Burr is vicious. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Because Charlamagne said pause or something like that. Or, hey, yo. Because Bill Burr said something like, I've only seen one other person with my wife's energy was a dude that I met. And then Bill bur. And then Charlie goes, hey, yo. And then Bill just like, can you not do that? Can you not do the thing where it's always gay and blah, blah, blah, and he just cuts the legs off. And then Charlemagne just laughs and he moves on. That's the thing. If you get the best of Charlemagne, he's not gonna take it personally.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

He might be like, whoa, whoa, whoa. But he's never gonna take it personally.

[Alex]

He respects, like, the craft.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Of, like, banter.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Bill's so good that he was like, all right. With your manicured eyebrows. Something like that. Where you're like, damn, that was specific.

[Alex]

I don't know how you teach a kid that. You know what I mean? Because, like, I don't know if I have. I don't got that. You know what I mean? Like, just be able to sit there and just, like, dodge for insults. But I'm like, I feel like I should teach my kid how to be able to handle himself.

[Andrew Schulz]

Incredible.

[Mark Norman]

You gotta let them run around with other kids and just have them do it with each other. It's the only way. The only way. It's like fighting. You're not gonna teach someone how to fight by talking. Yeah. You gotta just let them fight.

[Miles]

Yeah. You're either gonna get bullied or learn how to just get back at the boat.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

But I would. I was good at that. But I would still get emotionally. Like, I would make it a point to be like, well, I'm gonna beat you, because that hurt my feelings.

[Mark Norman]

Right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Charlamagne is like, I'm gonna beat you. But that was great. What you did was really good. And it's. I'm still going to be you. That's like. To me, just like. I love that. Like, with the crowd, the most fun I have is if they're trying to get me and I can just laugh at it and then come back at them. Those are always my favorite moments. Like, if somebody says something about me that I laugh at and I'm like, that's good. And then I give it back to them.

[Mark Norman]

Great. Yeah. Right. What do you think is your best. I'm putting you on the spot here. Your best heckle response where you're like, damn. I'm actually kind of proud that I can got that out instantly. Like somebody said something to you and you're like, oh. And then you zinged them back and it killed.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. I don't know if I have a one. I think one girl, a black girl at a show, said something to me about how there's no other Indians in here or something. I said, well, listen, you might not be Indian, but your hair is. I remember a dude started standing up, clapping. He was just like, that's awesome.

[Mark Norman]

Damn. Put that clip up.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't have it.

[Alex]

We were recording.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is when I was a youngin and that was all I was good at is arguing with people.

[Mark Norman]

That's a great Victorian.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Have you had any zingers like that?

[Mark Norman]

I had one. I was a newcomer. I was at the Fort Lauderdale Improv opening for somebody.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was just there two days ago.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, Great club. But I was. I was green. They were. They were ganging up on me. I sucked. And this lady, this big fat lady yells out, boo. And I said, ma', am, are you saying boo or moo? Her friends died, everybody. She was like, all right, all right, all right. Right. And that. That felt pretty good. Especially when you're up against it. Like, I'm. I'm losing this whole set. I'm bombing.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, and that can get you back on now. Oh, you blood a. Wow. I'll remember that forever.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that was big.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. What about you, Mark?

[Alex]

I've. I'VE only had like a handful of like people mean like really like heckling like this guy.

[Mark Norman]

And it was your dad.

[Alex]

Montreal or Mark's dad.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah. You were a mistake.

[Alex]

Yeah, but I. I don't know. I never had like a.

[Mark Norman]

Like a.

[Alex]

Like a banger. I think of him in the shower later.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. That's the worst no I've seen.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't remember what the. It was in Kansas City. It was kind of going. It was a dirt show during Coven. You, me and Andrew. And then somebody was just yelling something. I don't. Fuck. I forgot what you said. But he just flipped the whole thing on him.

[Alex]

I don't even remember. I. I try to forget those things. Anytime if someone's.

[Andrew Schulz]

I could tell you didn't. I could tell he hated it, but he got it and got out of it.

[Alex]

Yeah, I actually.

[Mark Norman]

I remember.

[Alex]

I don't remember it was though. But anytime someone leaves a show and they are mad, I always feel bad.

[Mark Norman]

Oh yeah. Same.

[Alex]

Like even if someone's being an. And they're like you. There was a guy one time in Salt Lake City, I did like a joke about like, like Tik Tok and how like it's making like kids sexual. I was like, I don't. I don't like the Tik Tok is doing all this. And it was like very much like an anti like Tik Tok kids dancing joke. And the guy was like, man, this is up all y' all laughing at pedophile. And then walked out. And I had like a zinger afterwards. And I was like. But after the show, I just walked away. I was like, I wish I could like, say sorry to him. I felt bad that he had such a bad reaction.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, I don't like that he would leave. Like, you're so disgusted. I know. I am disgusted by.

[Miles]

He's like, get over it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, he made money.

[Alex]

He got a babysitter problem. His kids getting dentled right now.

[Andrew Schulz]

God, he's a loser.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, he's on your act.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Dude, stop taking a joke so personally, you loser.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

Jesus Christ. You're a loser. You're damn dash. You know what I mean? You're getting been walking out.

[Mark Norman]

Whoa.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is a loser.

[Mark Norman]

That is true.

[Andrew Schulz]

Walking out. Come on.

[Alex]

Yeah, but like, if someone walks out pissed, I'm like, ah, man, I feel bad about it.

[Mark Norman]

Well, you think Chris Rock felt that way? It's like, ah, Will Smith. I feel bad. No, that guy was a dick. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, true.

[Mark Norman]

By the way, how about his career? That is really he did that weird rapping in the street that no one liked. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm so. I'm one of the few comics that's still open. Just really makes it a point to hate this guy publicly. Will Smith. And we're all just kind of acting like what he's doing is acceptable. It's not acceptable. It's embarrassing.

[Mark Norman]

It is. Yeah. He had a movie come out. It flopped. I mean, he's.

[Andrew Schulz]

Which one?

[Mark Norman]

It was like a slave movie. It came out right after.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, that flopped. But then Bad Boys hit after.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, that's true. That's true.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, we, because we argued with Charlemagne about this. He was, he insisted on defending Will Smith, which is a funny take, but. No, it's embarrassing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that's left.

[Andrew Schulz]

I like girls.

[Mark Norman]

Girls.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, what are we doing?

[Alex]

Be good at rapping.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're almost 60. What are you doing? How old is Will Smith? 55. At least 53. You doing I Like Girl?

[Mark Norman]

No, 56.

[Andrew Schulz]

56.

[Mark Norman]

He's 56. Oh, really? Wow. They're toying with a new rose. Cuz the Tom Brady one did well. And Will Smith is one of the ideas they're throwing out there, which I think would redeem him. Yeah, like, oh, you're the guy who couldn't take a joke. Now let's.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, that would be good. And comic.

[Mark Norman]

Comics would go extra hard. Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

It would actually be epic television. It would be. It would be. I, I, we're all good.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, we're all good. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You, you sat there, you took all the jokes, you proved that it's okay to get made fun of. People are gonna go super hard on your wife. And Will, I think, is desperate enough for fame and acceptance to do it.

[Mark Norman]

I think so too.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then it's like, all right, you take, you, you got your punishment. All good.

[Alex]

You're good.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. It's actually the ultimate way to redeem.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, that's. Would be. I think it would be good for him. I don't think it saves him because I think most people don't care as much as we care about that whole thing. Nearly as much, obviously. But I think even to the general public, it be like, oh, good for him. He did that.

[Mark Norman]

Good for him.

[Andrew Schulz]

He took the jokes.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

And the jokes would be the best ever.

[Mark Norman]

Be great. Be great. Hey, you did a, you did a slave movie. Haven't you had enough backlash? Netflix, hire me.

[Andrew Schulz]

Off the D. I know.

[Mark Norman]

Good man.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's good.

[Mark Norman]

Jada would get it too, though, so she would almost have to sign up as well.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, she would say no to him.

[Mark Norman]

Right, right.

[Andrew Schulz]

She don't care about much about his.

[Alex]

Careers firm, but she has to be there. Like if you really wanted to be.

[Mark Norman]

Fireworks.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't even, honestly, because she'd be so sour faced the whole time.

[Alex]

Perfect. I was thinking about the Brady things. I was like, who do you get after Brady? It would be so massive.

[Andrew Schulz]

It would. This would be massive.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah. It'd have to be Will Smith or like Putin or somebody like that. It'd be some huge crazy villain. Yeah.

[Alex]

Especially after Brady, after the roast was like, I didn't like it. Like, he was a little bit like, I would have reconsidered some things or something like that.

[Andrew Schulz]

Because we kept going to his kids, who he tries to keep relatively out of the.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, relatively. He did that Facebook thing and they were like kissing him on the mouth and that was weird.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

But Will makes it a point to put his whole family front and center. And that's different. And it's like, now you're. You're on. We're on. Let's go.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah. Willow. Willow. Is that Jaden? Jaden. Yeah. They would get it too. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Jaden. Jess got named a creative director for Christian Lubouton's, like, men's line, I guess.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

So, okay. The guy dresses like an absolute woman, though. So what are the men's clothes? We're going to have suits. We're going have skirts. I mean.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, geez.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's going to be the men's line.

[Mark Norman]

You never know.

[Andrew Schulz]

Or maybe you'll be doing it for both. I would rather see him in charge of the women's line, to be honest. I think he'd be better at that. Yeah, but you can't be. Come on.

[Mark Norman]

Damn. Dresses like Magic Johnson. That guy's wild. Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, women.

[Mark Norman]

Holy shit.

[Alex]

Men in Atlanta are wearing skirts now. You know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Is that right?

[Alex]

Yeah, I mean, the fashion paradigm has changed.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, Atlanta is also one of the gay cities in America, statistically, so that makes actually.

[Miles]

And those guys in skirts will shoot you, so.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Miles]

Kind of balances out, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

What does that mean?

[Miles]

It like, bounces out.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're still wearing a skirt, bro.

[Mark Norman]

Whoa. That's wild.

[Alex]

But it's harder to hide a gun, so I actually think it's good whether.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm dead or not. You still look like a idiot.

[Mark Norman]

Yikes.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Miles]

I'd rather be alive.

[Alex]

I think that's a scort. He's not even really committed to it.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Is it just cuz Like. Like my. My best friend, you must wear tennis fit.

[Mark Norman]

Is anyone else confused? Like, my brain is like, oh, nice legs.

[Andrew Schulz]

My best friend used to wear, like, really goofy clothes and play in basketball, and he's a Chinese kid who's actually nice, so he's like. It's so embarrassing for them to, like, get crossed up by me wearing these. Like, Is that what that is? Getting shot by a guy in a skirt is the most embarrassing way to get shot.

[Mark Norman]

Right?

[Alex]

That's kind of. Kind of smart, actually.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

If a guy's wearing that, I'd probably. I wouldn't with him, you know, Scott.

[Andrew Schulz]

Does got nice legs.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And is this Scottish appropriation? Because they.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, that's a valid ass point. That's appropriation. You're appropriating gay Scottish things. The Scots are the first gays.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. And they even got a gun, so they'll get killed. Okay. That was French.

[Andrew Schulz]

I liked it, dude. I liked it.

[Mark Norman]

The Scottish didn't wear underwear, by the way, under that thing.

[Alex]

They did.

[Mark Norman]

No. Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

That was the whole thing that they're fully just balls out.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Miles]

I went to Tom's wedding.

[Mark Norman]

Balled out. No way.

[Andrew Schulz]

How long was the kilt?

[Alex]

It was a ballroom.

[Miles]

The shit's being super long, but it's actually. It's nice breeze.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Worth trying.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. How is this? Did the balls not smell as much? No, my balls stink. It's like, crazy. Like crazy.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Miles]

Turmeric or something like.

[Alex]

That just goes well.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

The rest of me doesn't. But the balls, dude, really? Just brutal.

[Mark Norman]

But it's a fun. Brutal. And then sometimes you'll get like a snuff where you're like, damn. It's like smelling salts if it's your balls. It's like a fun before.

[Alex]

Before you deadlift.

[Mark Norman]

Just.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I don't mind it, but I know they stink, of course. But it's like a good stink to me. But I. I know to the general public would be atrocious.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, bless our one. My. I've had so, like, a jog, and your wife's in the mood, and you're like, all right. And she's blowing. You're like. You're a saint. And I bring that up. Yeah.

[Miles]

That's love.

[Mark Norman]

That's. That's love. Is this a real schmegma going on in a film? Who knows?

[Andrew Schulz]

You remember when he was talking about, like, taking the aggression out? That's like a nice. You know what I mean? Like, all right. You were pretty mouthy all week.

[Mark Norman]

And that's Dylan.

[Alex]

Mustard gas. It's a chemical weapon.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, exactly right. There you go. Now we're.

[Mark Norman]

Oh yeah.

[Miles]

He's uncut too, so it's even worse.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, you are?

[Alex]

Yeah, dude, I'm intact. What do you mean?

[Mark Norman]

I know that means you got the. The smegma on the head. Yeah.

[Alex]

If you don't wash, you just got to clean it.

[Mark Norman]

I don't know, my friend, Indian guy, he got circumcised at 33.

[Alex]

That's crazy.

[Mark Norman]

He kept getting infected.

[Andrew Schulz]

I got circum size at 4, cuz I got infected. Or 5. Nobody taught me how to 5. Yeah, nobody tell me how to wash my dick. That's why my dad and I don't talk anymore.

[Alex]

How does that never come up?

[Andrew Schulz]

I think it's come up.

[Alex]

You've got circumstances of five years old.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Do you remember it?

[Andrew Schulz]

I remember afterward being in a lot of pain. Holy God. That is crazy.

[Alex]

I think I was four.

[Andrew Schulz]

Four or five, something like that.

[Alex]

Dude, I never knew about you.

[Andrew Schulz]

Maybe I was four.

[Mark Norman]

In the culture, is that the norm is to not?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, norm is to not.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Well, I had to. I had to go Muslim with it.

[Miles]

That's why you stopped growing. You were just traumatized.

[Mark Norman]

And they use a curvy sw. That's crazy.

[Alex]

I never knew this about you.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. I didn't know what was happening. I went to sleep, woke up, part of my dick was missing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, that means your parents had to notice it, go to the hospital.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh yeah. It was up. Dude, that was all fat. Oh yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Oh man.

[Alex]

Walked a little samosa. Do you not want to try to get it back? Do you not feel like.

[Andrew Schulz]

No, I'm good. Dude, I didn't realize that this was like a. It was like a loss leader or whatever. You know what I mean? Like things ended up being better. Better in the long run.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Now the weirdo. Yeah, now you're the weirdo.

[Alex]

I'm not the one before, I would.

[Andrew Schulz]

Have been like, oh, yeah, I guess.

[Alex]

This is the way you were born. This is the way.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is what God wanted.

[Alex]

This is the way your dicks are, dude. Evolution. Put it that way. And then you guys are getting rid of it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Did you get your son serked?

[Alex]

Yeah, of course he did.

[Andrew Schulz]

That is tricky, you guys. You're signing up to get a piece of your son's dick cut off.

[Mark Norman]

Sure, but so your parents.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I had to.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Andrew Schulz]

This is a problem.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was going to be 28 years later, I was going to be that Guy, Right?

[Mark Norman]

Exactly.

[Alex]

More trans than me. That's all I'm saying.

[Andrew Schulz]

We're closer to trans.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's a thousand percent true. Objectively, I can't argue with that. Your dick is horrendous looking, though.

[Mark Norman]

You don't even know.

[Alex]

You don't even know. I might have like a little Scully. Like half, you know, like, there's different types of foreskin I did. Mine is long.

[Mark Norman]

Mine looks like a wizard.

[Alex]

Mine looks like an old man going to sleep in like the 1800s.

[Mark Norman]

Have you looked around? At the urinal, like at the trough.

[Alex]

Oh, it's my favorite.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. You see what, what's the. The numbers?

[Alex]

It's mostly cut up. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Europe is uncut though, right?

[Alex]

Exactly. Yeah. They keep it natural.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I'm telling you, I think you feel more.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Alex]

You get more sensation, you know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Miles]

You're telling yourself it's true.

[Alex]

It's statistically true. I mean, yours is rubbing against your jeans all day, getting all desensitized.

[Miles]

No, I got underwear on.

[Mark Norman]

I'm good. Exactly.

[Alex]

It's rubbing up in there too. I'm telling you, don't cut your kids dicks off. It's crazy. I don't. I don't know why you would do it.

[Andrew Schulz]

You can't. You live in Brooklyn. You should love cutting your kids dick off. That's like your whole thing.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

You guys are building the whole burrow off of that.

[Alex]

Yeah, that is true. That is.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

The tunnel folk are cutting them off.

[Mark Norman]

But I don't increase sensitivity. There you go. Yes. I don't need more sensitivity. I'm just.

[Alex]

Anyway, yeah, that's true.

[Mark Norman]

I had sex last night with my wife and she was like, that's it.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

True story.

[Alex]

I treat it as a. As a game. I'll go like 35 seconds, like, personal best, you know? Like, I feel like you're saying bolt. Hey, I'm.

[Andrew Schulz]

Hasn't burrow gone through a rebrand as embarrassing as Brooklyn?

[Mark Norman]

That's a great.

[Andrew Schulz]

It was the toughest before your time, probably.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, it was the toughest place in the world.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And there's still pockets, but the branding of Brooklyn has become you.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Mark Norman]

Crunchy hipster.

[Andrew Schulz]

It went from. From Biggie and Jay Z to this.

[Mark Norman]

That's true.

[Alex]

I mean, that's also Manhattan though.

[Mark Norman]

You know, it's also funny. It's the wokest. Yeah, but they're like pushing black people out.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Yeah. That's what. Doing shows in Brooklyn would always be so funny. Where they were like, wouldn't want to hear a joke about race. And it's like, you're actively forcing black people out of their homes, right?

[Mark Norman]

Yes, yes. Like, diversity. Not here. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Miles]

It used to be Brooklyn. Now it's just like, Brooklyn.

[Alex]

Yeah, it's just a girl. Girl's name now, you know?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. True. It's true. Or a small dog. I got bugged twice in Brooklyn when I moved here in 07 08. I got mugged twice. It was still dicey.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, it was Just started. It was Williamsburg. Was the one pocket.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. And then it just grew like herpes. Yeah. I got mugged in Canarsie. Fell asleep on the train. Well, yeah.

[Miles]

Canarsis.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

You might still be wild.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

He still might grow up.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was in the Big Brothers, Big Sister Sisters program. I went to my little brother's baby shower in Canarsie. Son. He said, this guy got a girl pregnant. He had a record. And they were like, would you be okay having a little brother with a record? I was like, yeah, sure. And then we did a couple things together, and he's like, hey, man, I can't. I'm having a kid. I can't really. So. So I went to the baby shower in Canarsie.

[Miles]

Wow, that's so weird, because you had a little brother already. Like, why'd you need to rent a little brother?

[Andrew Schulz]

This is my little brother.

[Miles]

Don't you. You have a brother?

[Andrew Schulz]

I have an older brother.

[Miles]

Oh, older brother.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

But you have a brother already. Why'd you need to rent a brother?

[Andrew Schulz]

It's a big brother. I wanted to be the big brother.

[Mark Norman]

I want to help a kid. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Maybe you don't like helping out young black kids. For me, I was trying to. Trying to make the world better. Canarsi, though, you got off the train and you felt.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

The energy is, like, angry.

[Mark Norman]

For sure.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

It's different over there.

[Alex]

I've never been.

[Andrew Schulz]

You feel it. It's crazy. You get off the train and it's like, oh, the people are angry here. I went. This was like, 2009, 2010, probably. But yeah. Yeah, you felt it.

[Alex]

Whatever happened, your little brother never talked.

[Andrew Schulz]

After he had the kid. We couldn't get a hold of him. I tried. Tried calling him every Wednesday. I had a calendar notification on my phone for six years to call him. And every time I would call him, I just get nothing.

[Mark Norman]

Damn.

[Alex]

He's probably raising his kid, you know, probably doing well. You did your job.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's a sweet kid. Dude.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

What was his Record he was before I was. Ain't that crazy? I had to ask him. What's it feel like, do you know?

[Alex]

What is what? His record? What?

[Mark Norman]

His crime?

[Andrew Schulz]

I didn't ask.

[Alex]

You didn't ask?

[Andrew Schulz]

No.

[Alex]

That would have been day one for me.

[Miles]

Yeah, I know, right?

[Andrew Schulz]

Nah, it's the past of the past, dude. Let it be the past. You're not gonna rob me. Oh my God, I'm broke.

[Alex]

You might not. You might not be broke.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dollars at the time, every time I walked around. But I got. I made my living off the tip bucket at the Village Lantern. You gotta rob me for that. Good luck, dude.

[Alex]

I mean, if he's a 12 year old criminal, you know what I mean? $8.

[Andrew Schulz]

He's 15. He me up.

[Alex]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Schulz]

Tall kid. Tall kid. Dude, dude. Six something. Damn me up.

[Alex]

This would be a great movie.

[Mark Norman]

This would be a great movie, right?

[Alex]

Yeah, like you being his big brother.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dude, you could make this movie.

[Mark Norman]

Direct.

[Miles]

You could direct.

[Mark Norman]

I'll direct. Yeah, let's do it.

[Andrew Schulz]

That will be my little brother.

[Miles]

That's funny.

[Mark Norman]

That would be hilarious.

[Andrew Schulz]

Who was at the baby shower? His baby mom. His mom. A bunch of other people I never met, never talked to again.

[Alex]

Nice environment.

[Andrew Schulz]

I looked fucking out of place for sure. There's just a bunch of black people and some Indian kid just sitting, sitting in a corner. 30 years old or whatever. I was 28 years old.

[Alex]

Did you meet the parents and be like, man, we're doing such a good job?

[Andrew Schulz]

No, no. I met the mom, but we didn't talk about how we had fucked up collectively.

[Miles]

Was he in a Burberry shirt? That used to be the typical.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I don't remember.

[Miles]

Go to outfit. I don't remember a baby shower for black people.

[Andrew Schulz]

I remember he wore a lot of like Aero Postal and shit like that.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, weird.

[Alex]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

That was like a thing black kids in New York would wear. Like, not Abercrombie but like American Eagle and Aero Postal. Like the less. Yeah, Hollister, maybe. Yeah, it was weird. That was like the hood outfit back then.

[Mark Norman]

Trying to think of the name of the movie here. But I need the N word. So you say it and I'll finish it.

[Miles]

Oh, start with it.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

It felt weird. It feels weird.

[Mark Norman]

It feels. It was going to be N word. Masala. Like.

[Andrew Schulz]

Or maybe Masala.

[Mark Norman]

There you go. Maybe I have no remorse. For the. The record, it could be. So sorry. Not sorry. Oh, that's good. But I think the girls wear sorry, right? Yeah, yeah, it's close enough. Oh, that's Good, dude. Yeah. Second mugging, Crown Heights. Oh.

[Andrew Schulz]

What happened there?

[Mark Norman]

It was. It was Jewish. And then Eastern Parkway, and then all black. Like, Caribbean black. I lived on the black side, and I would always drink too much, go home. And I was. And then I just saw a bunch of guys shooting dice on the corner. So I went across the street to dodge them, and then a big guy, like an older black guy, saw me with an ipod, picked me up, slammed me against the wall, and those five guys shooting dice ran over and beat the hell out of him.

[Andrew Schulz]

Really?

[Mark Norman]

Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's fire, dude.

[Miles]

That's awesome.

[Mark Norman]

I think they figured we can't have this white kid getting fucked up in the area, so he brings the cops. Exactly. So we'll just beat the old guy up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Wow.

[Alex]

So just keep your ipod.

[Mark Norman]

I didn't. I just. He dropped me, and I just kicked him once, and I ran.

[Andrew Schulz]

And you ran off without the ipod?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, I was just, like. I was too flustered. I got the hell out of there. Oh, damn.

[Alex]

You got one kick in, though. That's.

[Mark Norman]

I got a little kick in. He was on the ground, just. They were just wailing on him. And I think I kicked his thigh and ran over him. But it was. I was listening, like, Uptown Girl. The guy me up.

[Andrew Schulz]

Oh, man.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Dude, Brooklyn has changed. I mean, if you go to Williamsburg now, just like a mall.

[Mark Norman]

I know.

[Alex]

It's like a shopping mall.

[Mark Norman]

I know. There's Apple Stores and Sephora and all that. All Rich stores. Whole Foods or. Yeah, Prada, right? Yeah.

[Alex]

Just opened Hermes.

[Miles]

Yeah, that's it.

[Mark Norman]

That's crazy. Wow.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's. I like that better than what you guys try to make it. The granola.

[Alex]

You guys, I got there in 2019. I had nothing to do with this.

[Andrew Schulz]

You're responsible.

[Mark Norman]

You are.

[Andrew Schulz]

You've become it. What did I bring?

[Miles]

Really are the problem.

[Andrew Schulz]

What do you mean, technically the problem?

[Alex]

I was wearing Birkenstocks before.

[Andrew Schulz]

You just got there late. That's the only black thing about you.

[Miles]

Yeah, that is true.

[Mark Norman]

That is true.

[Alex]

That is true.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. This just. You look like the white liberal. You know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, I can see it. I do fit the stereotype.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I also like all the amenities. I like a smoothie.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, the smoothie's fantastic. I don't mind these things. I just mind the forcing of your ideology upon me as if you guys are living this, like, wonderful, racial, like, diverse life. You know what I mean?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

No, it is true. You'll meet kids that are their Parents do work for like military industrial complex and they're like artists.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, Great Colin Quinn joke. He's like, I grew up in Brooklyn. It was terrifying. No one went on the L. Now you go on the L. Looks like a ski lift.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Alex]

Dude, that's so funny.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, just rich white people, those big goose coats, you know?

[Alex]

Yeah, but isn't that Lower east side now? Like. Lower east side was like a. Like a seedy neighborhood.

[Mark Norman]

Still got some stank on it still. It's still very Puerto Rican. Yeah, yeah. You can still get cheap Peruvian chicken. Really? Oh, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

God, that's wonderful. $5 chicken.

[Alex]

I mean, look what pockets of New York still have like that old New York vibe, you know?

[Andrew Schulz]

Les is probably one of the last in Manhattan.

[Alex]

Just, I mean, anywhere like around Manhattan.

[Mark Norman]

What do you call it? Washington Heights.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, probably. I don't go that high.

[Mark Norman]

No, me neither.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's just too far. Harlem.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Miles]

Harlem's still Harlem. Yeah, Harlem, Harlem, South Harlem.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think Spanish Harlem. I lived in Harlem as it was starting to flip and I assume it's changed more cuz I was there 2009, 2010, and you could see it starting to. I think they didn't like me because they knew what was about to happen.

[Mark Norman]

Right, right, right.

[Andrew Schulz]

I was a harbinger.

[Mark Norman]

You're like the transition to white, but.

[Miles]

The whites in Harlem are whites who just can't afford Williamsburg.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, right.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's what I'm saying.

[Miles]

The neighborhood very much.

[Andrew Schulz]

But aren't they doing the same thing that Williamsburg did?

[Miles]

No, not really. Williamsburg also wasn't just as broke as the people living there. Historically black Williamsburg.

[Mark Norman]

It was or wasn't.

[Miles]

Was not Jewish or Jewish and Puerto Rican. Jewish, Puerto Rican and Italians.

[Andrew Schulz]

Bushwick was a hood.

[Mark Norman]

As I. I lived in Bushwick. That was still wild.

[Miles]

The Roosters, I mean, there obviously were.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm not saying they wasn't, but I'm not Bushwick, though. But I'm just saying it just spread through all.

[Miles]

Was historically, I think, a black neighborhood comparatively to Williamsburg.

[Mark Norman]

Fort Green, too. Yeah. Spike Lee. Oh, still there. That's where he's from.

[Miles]

He's still got a spot there in Fort Green.

[Andrew Schulz]

Always do the right thing. Where'd that take place? Bed Stuy. Yeah, dude. Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Well, this is good regional material here. Denver, like great. We're talking about. What the hell is Bed Stuy?

[Andrew Schulz]

Okay.

[Mark Norman]

All right.

[Andrew Schulz]

You know, let's do some sports because.

[Mark Norman]

You'Re a sports fan.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't get to talk to sports people very often. Just some fun. You're Nick, you're a Knicks fan.

[Mark Norman]

I like the Knicks. The Pelicans suck.

[Andrew Schulz]

I know. You're a Saints fan.

[Mark Norman]

Yes. Yeah. And that's about it. I don't really watch a ton of sports except ufc. See, in tennis, I like individuals who loves tennis.

[Miles]

I've recently got into. I love it.

[Mark Norman]

That open this year was unreal with the sinner and Carlos.

[Alex]

Did you go?

[Mark Norman]

No, I wish. Oh, damn. It's also funny with the US Open because it's like a two week event.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

And the celebrities get better and better. Like the end. It's like Taylor Swift and Trump the beginning. It's like. Is that Jason Biggs? They really progress. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah. I'm. I always want to go to the final. I've been to night matches. But I saw Djokovic like 10 years ago. He beat some guy in the quarterfinal and he lost a set, but we knew it was just. He obliterated. It's just not fun.

[Mark Norman]

Right, Right.

[Andrew Schulz]

I would love Djokovic now would be great because he's on the tail end of his career. But I want to go to a competitive match at night. That'd be awesome. But I think you got to go to the whole.

[Miles]

Was pretty good. Carlos and who and center.

[Mark Norman]

That was incredible.

[Andrew Schulz]

That was a good final. That would have been fun. He went to the final?

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

I couldn't go. Oh, no. I. I thought I was going to have shows or a wedding or something and then I couldn't make it and then I couldn't go. But I would love to go to a final. That's good.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Or a night match is good. Either one. And I just never caught that. I've been three times.

[Mark Norman]

No, no. I have a racket and I have a court, but I just can't get myself to do it.

[Miles]

Why?

[Mark Norman]

I just know I would suck and then I would hate myself. But I'm going to do it. I'm going to do. I'm going to put tracks on the wall, you know, and then it's so much fun. Really? I like pickleball. Okay.

[Miles]

So if you like pickle.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, you'll love pickleball. Okay, I'm in.

[Andrew Schulz]

How'd you get into individual sports? That's later in life. Cause that's. I think I'm starting to try to do.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, really? Well, I think standup. I relate now. Cause it's like, you know, UFC feels like you're versus another guy. Feels like you versus the crowd. Yeah. You know, and then tennis, I just like. I like the mental part of it. You know, like just you and this guy who's better. Let's go.

[Andrew Schulz]

Tennis.

[Alex]

No, coach.

[Andrew Schulz]

You play a lot of matches, I assume. Yeah, there's nothing as mental as tennis. Not to say, I mean, UFC's violent. It's a whole different thing. But like, in terms of getting in your head and having to battle your own mind. Tennis, I've never experienced anything like that.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, Netflix, did they do Untold or whatever it's called?

[Andrew Schulz]

Break Point.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. Marty Fish. Yeah, he was an unbelievable tennis player. He got the yips and he couldn't shake and he had to quit.

[Alex]

Yeah, he quit.

[Mark Norman]

Quit the whole business.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm pretty sure he was a double handed forehand, though, which is just nuts.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, really?

[Andrew Schulz]

I think maybe it was somebody else, but it was a tennis player. That double hand forehand, you know, the backhands. Normally, yeah, he was double handed, but it was like, what the is going on here?

[Alex]

Has he ever talked about it? Like, why he couldn't compete?

[Mark Norman]

Like, after he retired, just couldn't get out of his head. Really? Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Golf, I assume, is even more mental, but yeah, Tennis, you're still. You're competing against another guy. Yes, it's just me and this guy. And it's so momentum heavy.

[Mark Norman]

Yes, exactly.

[Miles]

Before every point, I'm coaching myself. Like, I'm repeating mantras like, oh, loosen.

[Mark Norman]

Up, extend, like, follow through.

[Andrew Schulz]

And then when you make a mistake, you got another point. So you can either climb out of it or climb in deeper and deeper into it. And you're just in this hole sometimes and you just need one thing to break your way and. And then it can flip.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Andrew Schulz]

You hit a ball hits the net and it bounces on your side. Fuck me. Everything's going wrong. But if it bounces on the other side and he can't get to it. Oh, okay, I caught a break. Now I get a little confidence and now I start playing. It's just a crazy. There's nothing like it.

[Mark Norman]

No, no, no, I like that.

[Alex]

I like the mental component. Like, I've always found that my friends that were the best at, like, being cool in those kinds of high pressure situations were not really phased by anything.

[Mark Norman]

Yes.

[Alex]

In life. They were like Charlemagne.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

But like, just anything would happen. They'd kind of just be like, yeah, whatever. Like we'd be like before, like a big game. It's like the state championship.

[Mark Norman]

Are you worried?

[Alex]

They're like, no, like, just like. But like. And not like they were putting it on. They weren't projecting how cool they were. They were Just like. Yeah, it's not a big deal if.

[Mark Norman]

You watch like the weigh ins, not the Wayans brothers, but like. And you see like one guy's like, I'm gonna fuck you up. And he pushes him and the other guy's like, we're just doing a, like a photo. Like we're nose to nose. But like, what are you pushing me? That guy always loses the loud guy always is, you know, overcompensating.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I don't know, there's always like a sense of like. Yeah, they're just not. They don't. It doesn't seem like they're thinking about every other thing that could go wrong.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah. You ever see like a Chihuahua and a Doberman Pinterest and Charles?

[Andrew Schulz]

Like, my dog is a little dog and he barks these big dogs. The big dog don't give a fuck.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. Because he's not worried.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, Yeah. I saw a pit bull do this one time and I grabbed my dog. I was like, that dog will fucking kill you. And he's just letting you know right now. That's all it takes.

[Mark Norman]

Yep, yep. And this is a word for Michael Vick. Yeah. Oh, dude.

[Andrew Schulz]

Did you see the Kyler Murray? No. This is so good. Kyler Murray took some kind of picture for some, I don't know, dog shelter or ASPCA thing. And look at the fucking jersey he's wearing.

[Mark Norman]

Oh, that's a great touch with what.

[Andrew Schulz]

Looks like a pit bull. I mean, this is the craziest shit I've ever seen in my life.

[Mark Norman]

Damn. That's like doing a me too protest while wearing a Cosby sweater.

[Andrew Schulz]

Also, it's so good.

[Miles]

That was the most PC thing Akash has ever done. Looks like a pitbull. Like you did the thing that they do at like animal shelters.

[Andrew Schulz]

I'm saying he could be a mixed breed.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Alex]

No, that's a pit bull.

[Andrew Schulz]

Like Alex pit bull.

[Mark Norman]

That's a terrifying dog. Yeah, he's ripped. Yeah.

[Alex]

The dog could be bordered.

[Andrew Schulz]

Dogs are jacked, dude. Yeah, these dogs are terrifying. They're beautiful, but they're terrifying.

[Mark Norman]

Is that an homage to Vic or like troll Got him.

[Andrew Schulz]

It has to be a troll. How do you not think about this?

[Mark Norman]

That's great. And they even got a. Let's get an extra photo.

[Andrew Schulz]

It's insane.

[Alex]

Dude, was Michael Vick running the dog fighting ring? Like, what was his.

[Andrew Schulz]

Pretty sure he actively was killing dogs, if I'm not mistaken.

[Mark Norman]

Really?

[Andrew Schulz]

I think that's. That's what I've heard.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

And I. He look, he Served his time. I love dogs, but he served his time. Fine. Sure, I get it.

[Mark Norman]

Now he's doing. He, he lives. He works as a butcher in China now. The last Chinese dog.

[Andrew Schulz]

I hope not. Please give me one more.

[Mark Norman]

Okay.

[Alex]

It's impressive.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't know.

[Alex]

I, I would like to. I, I wouldn't want to see it, but, like, I would watch fighting.

[Mark Norman]

I've seen that. Really? It ain't pretty. Yeah. I went to Puerto Rico with the wife as a vacation, and I was like, I wonder if they still have fighting, still legal. We went to this weird ring. It's like a circular arena. There's guys in wife beaters waving cash like out of a movie. And like, two. They open the cage, two roosters peck. One wins. And he kept. Keeps pecking them, pecking the eye. And they have to pull him away. Like, like an angry guy who's like, let me out of, you know, pull the other. Yeah, it's. It's brutal.

[Miles]

Do they have the blades on the foot?

[Mark Norman]

Yes, yes.

[Miles]

That's the crazy part. They, they put a blade on the foot of the chickens so they have.

[Andrew Schulz]

An extra little, like, that seems no fun.

[Mark Norman]

It's no fun. Yeah, yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

Have you gotten more, like, animal? It might take a couple years. I'm more like animal rights, I guess. Not rights, but, like, I feel a lot more for animals P. Post having a dog.

[Miles]

Yeah, I'm a little bit more still. I'm like, human over dog. But you know how, like, some people are just like, oh, they love dogs more than they love humans. But I'm getting there.

[Andrew Schulz]

I, I, My wife showed me videos, like, one of these puppy mills or whatever. Like, 400, like, little dogs in this one thing, and they're all dirty. And I'm like, yo, that owner should be shot, or that guy that runs that should be shot in the head.

[Mark Norman]

Yeah, agreed.

[Andrew Schulz]

But, like, that guy, shoot him in the head. I, I'm truly like that now.

[Alex]

Yeah, I mean, that's how I feel with vegans. Like, Like, I, I, like, I.

[Mark Norman]

Like.

[Alex]

I sort of agree with them. Like, I was a vegan. Be like, have you seen this video of this thing where, like, they take all the pigs and they fucking shoot them? And I'm like, you're right.

[Mark Norman]

They're right.

[Alex]

But I'm not gonna change.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah, I'm not gonna change.

[Alex]

But you are right. And I kind of just like, I'm just like, yeah, I'm inconsistent.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. Well, what do you guys think? They say, in, like, 50 years, we won't be meat will be illegal.

[Andrew Schulz]

I think we'll have 3D printed food or whatever other alternative alternatives that are the same. And people are gonna be like, no, it's not. And it's gonna be the same.

[Mark Norman]

You think?

[Andrew Schulz]

I think so.

[Mark Norman]

Well, they say it's gonna be like, what? We look at slavery.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yeah.

[Mark Norman]

The way we look at this, I think.

[Andrew Schulz]

I don't know about slavery, but they're gonna look at it being like a really brutal thing. They just have slaughterhouses.

[Mark Norman]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Andrew Schulz]

That's crazy.

[Mark Norman]

But if we have a civil war over it, I think the mediators.

[Andrew Schulz]

Yo, Mark Norman, Anything else you want to plug? You got a Europe tour coming up. You're filming your special. Great luck on that. Were you filming? You said Denver.

[Mark Norman]

Denver, yeah. Well, Boulder, Colorado area.

[Andrew Schulz]

Amazing. The best comedy fans, I think, in Denver.

[Mark Norman]

100%. Can't wait. And, yeah, Europe, and I'll see you guys in Saudi. Hell.

[Andrew Schulz]

Mark Norman, everybody.