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Andrew Schultz
All new drinks are now at McDonald's
Alex Media
with refreshers like the Strawberry Watermelon Refresher and the Mango Pineapple Refresher with Popping Boba. To crafted sodas like the Sprite Berry
Andrew Schultz
Blast with berry flavors and cold foam. Who knew ice cold drinks could be so fire?
Alex Media
Try them all now at McDonald's.
Mark Gagnon
Refreshers contain caffeine. Copyright 2026, the Coca Cola Company Sprite is a registered trademark of the Coca Cola Company.
Alex Media
What's up, everybody? And Welco Flagrance, your boy Schultzy. Alex Media, Mark Gagnon, Miles Media in the building.
Mark Gagnon
How are you guys?
Andrew Schultz
These roasts are getting brutal, bro. I mean, I'm getting soft.
Alex Media
I'm getting soft. Some of these jokes, I was like, ouch, get off the Internet, bro. Get off the Internet. The Internet will have you making you. Have you feeling that things are worse than they are, bro.
Andrew Schultz
When they talked about, well, we get to get into it later. But fuck, it was. You didn't feel none of the jokes were a little rough?
Alex Media
We'll get into it.
Mark Gagnon
We'll get into it, man. We flew back from California a couple days with both kids.
Miles Media
Oh, nice.
Mark Gagnon
I don't know how Epstein did it, dude.
Alex Media
I'll be honest with you. Traveling with kids is so fucking brutal, bro. He had to have a different plane, right? Like, there's no way you've taken him on your plane.
Miles Media
Nah, those kids were Delta.
Mark Gagnon
They had.
Alex Media
They had to. It is. It is crazy that they haven't devised a system, a place to put the kids. Yeah, like, because they did it with the animals. Right? Like, I'm not saying. And I'm very grateful for my kids,
Mark Gagnon
don't get me wrong.
Miles Media
Of course, of course.
Alex Media
But five hours on the screen.
Andrew Schultz
But you see, Epstein died. Spirits no longer here.
Miles Media
Oh.
Alex Media
At least with spirit, they get to watch violence, you know, like, because my kid's not on the screen, but he could watch two baby mamas beat the shit out of each other. But, like, we were.
Mark Gagnon
We were just sitting there. My wife's is like, we're not doing any screens. And I was like, what? Yeah. And she's like, yeah, we're not doing any screens. And my wife is in the seat in front of us, and I'm behind with Shiloh.
Andrew Schultz
That's kind of up of her.
Alex Media
Yo, yo. But she's breastfeeding the baby and everything like that.
Mark Gagnon
And I'm back, and, like, I tried to do no screens. And, like, I threw on. I threw on that cocoa melons, bro.
Alex Media
My screen. I put the cocoa melons I didn't even have my volume on.
Mark Gagnon
I don't think I blink for 30 minutes straight.
Alex Media
That should be illegal. That's terrorism. Yeah, bro. It's so many flashing lights, and I'm literally, like, glued. My daughter is glued to the screen. My daughter's getting jump scared. Like, there's so much stimulus. My daughter keeps going like this. Like, she goes. She goes, huh? And then she'll look at me, she'll be like. And this is her first time. Imagine your first time trying any drug is fentanyl.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
Or heroin. There was no gateway. No screen to Coco Melon.
Mark Gagnon
Yep. I think we gotta show Cocoa Melon.
Andrew Schultz
So wonderful. So on Mother's Day, the one rule your wife asked you not to do, he broke.
Alex Media
And almost.
Mark Gagnon
No, no, no, no. I broke it.
Alex Media
I broke the out.
Miles Media
No, because they weren't watching it. You were watching it. And they chose.
Mark Gagnon
I put on Shiloh's.
Miles Media
Shit.
Alex Media
I put on Shiloh's. They both started watching this again. I put on Shiloh's crew thinking I
Mark Gagnon
was gonna scroll my phone and talk to y'. All.
Alex Media
And I didn't even open my phone. I was so locked into Coco Melons. Dude, there's a moment.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, that is. Yeah, it is.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, it's nonstop. And this is just an intro you already locked in.
Miles Media
And this is no volume. So that way it feels like how you guys were watching it. Also, for the record, guess how many views this has. Random guess what?
Andrew Schultz
A billion.
Miles Media
Eight billion.
Alex Media
What?
Miles Media
Eight billion views. This has more views than people on the planet.
Mark Gagnon
What? Yeah.
Alex Media
Al, you get addicted to it. You got to understand.
Mark Gagnon
My daughter's never seen an iPad, never seen a screen. And then I put on the music.
Alex Media
Yes, son. That's crazy. You should have seen.
Miles Media
Yo, the flight attendant came around.
Alex Media
She was like, oh. At first I had no headphones on for her.
Mark Gagnon
I was like, we're just going to watch the screen because I thought that might be too stimulating.
Alex Media
I put the headphones on and no bullshit. The second I put the headphones on, she watch.
Mark Gagnon
And I'm watching her and I just
Alex Media
see her slowly smile like this Sl. Low, ear to ear, Cheshire Cat smile creeps across her face. And I'm watching my kid become addicted
Mark Gagnon
to something in real time.
Miles Media
Yep. Yep.
Alex Media
Woo. Yeah.
Miles Media
Dude.
Andrew Schultz
You don't feel bad about that?
Alex Media
Feel bad? I could be a dad now. You just need Coco milk. All these people complaining about, like, how hard it is to raise kids when you got screens.
Mark Gagnon
I don't want to hear none of
Alex Media
that no more, bro. I Tried to put on the first
Mark Gagnon
episode of Sesame Street.
Alex Media
Emma downloaded it onto the iPad.
Miles Media
That's good.
Mark Gagnon
The first ever episode of Sesame Street.
Alex Media
It's probably trash the way Shiloh couldn't give a fuck after watching Coco Melon. It was like smoking a cigarette after
Mark Gagnon
you inject heroin straight into your fucking
Alex Media
zero.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Alex Media
Didn't even understand it logically. Like, she was like, why is he in the garbage? Like. Like there was no. She's like, why is this entertaining or fun? Yeah. And this transformed television, this one show transformed television.
Mark Gagnon
Yep.
Miles Media
I mean, you've seen little kids react to cocomelon, right? You see the videos? No, I'm trying to find one. There's videos of, like, little kids hearing the theme song and they go crazy. Look at this little kid sleeping.
Alex Media
Oh, give me that. This show is bad, bro.
Mark Gagnon
You can't do it.
Andrew Schultz
Wow.
Mark Gagnon
You can't do it.
Miles Media
They get so fired up.
Alex Media
But you also can't.
Mark Gagnon
Alien is crazy. You also can't fly for five hours with two kids. You can't do that. Yeah, that's.
Alex Media
That's an impossible task.
Mark Gagnon
I don't know how people did that.
Andrew Schultz
The fact that she asked you to do that is. That was mean. That's mean to everybody else in a place.
Alex Media
The other thing, like, I didn't even
Mark Gagnon
think about no one else on the plane. Like, they didn't even enter my brain.
Alex Media
All I. Like, it did, like, oh, it could be uncomfortable for them.
Mark Gagnon
I don't care.
Alex Media
Is that mean? Is that selfish?
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Miles Media
No. You locked in? Yeah, locked.
Mark Gagnon
I think you just become so focused. Yeah.
Alex Media
Micro focused on just, like, making sure your kids.
Mark Gagnon
Okay.
Miles Media
I don't want to snitch on you, but he did something so funny. We were trying to figure out routing for flights because we were like, in Denver, he was like, maybe I go back to New York, then I go to la. And I was like, well, you know, if you go to New York, we can get some stuff done, then you go to la. And he was like, yeah, but I could go straight to la. And I was like, yeah, it's just time away from the family, though. And he goes, yeah, but it's a
Mark Gagnon
flight without the kids.
Alex Media
I was like, bro, he's scheduling his geographical travel to not fly. Can I tell y' all something?
Andrew Schultz
Can I tell y' all something?
Alex Media
I ain't shit. Can I tell you something? Emma brought it up to me.
Mark Gagnon
She goes. She goes, why don't you just go right from Denver to la, and then we'll just come to Santa Barbara earlier because it was her dad's 80th birthday.
Andrew Schultz
Never said yes. Faster.
Alex Media
I was about to, and I had to be like, I had to stop it, because I couldn't let her know. She was testing how excited I was. And I was like, I don't know if that makes sense.
Mark Gagnon
Like, I should probably just fly back.
Alex Media
And then we all go back. And she's like, it doesn't even make any sense.
Mark Gagnon
I would just go straight to la. You could do your meetings or whatever. And I was like, all right, man. I guess fine.
Alex Media
If you insist. If you insist, I'll avoid that.
Miles Media
Five hours, I'm gonna be in the Delta One Lounge.
Alex Media
With who, though?
Miles Media
You know, who will I be with?
Alex Media
I'll be totally alone.
Andrew Schultz
Bro, no wonder you drove to the airport with us, because you felt bad
Alex Media
that she had to do that flight off by us. I was like, yo, why are you
Andrew Schultz
coming with us to pick her up from the airport? Like, if she flew alone, she could take a Uber.
Miles Media
It's not even like he had a car. He got dropped off at the airport on his feet, like, gta.
Alex Media
He was just grabbing all the bags quick, throwing them in the back of the car. I was doing everything I possibly could. We got into the car, both kids asleep. Immediately, I was like, yo, this was hard for y' all to travel with the kids. It's so difficult about this.
Miles Media
It is my least favorite part of parenting. I truly love being a dad.
Mark Gagnon
Except travel.
Alex Media
You need. You need another vacation once you land, like, you. You land from vacation with the kids. And any relaxation that you got for the week away.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
Is evaporated on that flight because there's nothing on the flight. Ye. My daughter grabbed the scoop of ice
Mark Gagnon
cream with her whole hands.
Miles Media
Yep. Mm.
Alex Media
You know how they bring the scoop of ice cream? I was like, she wants some ice cream. She's like, yes. I was like, hold on.
Mark Gagnon
I'm just gonna get the spoon. I went to unwrap the spoon that's in the napkin.
Alex Media
She just went boom, boom. Slam that shit right in her face. Chocolate sauce everywhere. Fucking whipped cream everywhere. She's like, coco Melon Coco.
Andrew Schultz
He turned into a savage.
Miles Media
I don't even believe those stories. And people were like, oh, like, the travelers went west, and, like, five of their kids died.
Mark Gagnon
No, no, no. They killed him.
Miles Media
They killed the kids. 100 Johnny got rickets back in Oregon.
Alex Media
Typhoon fever or whatever it is. You left that because they didn't have iPads.
Miles Media
Think about that. So you had to travel from, like, what, Denver to Oregon with that iPad?
Mark Gagnon
There are.
Alex Media
There are people called travelers. They're gypsies. And their choice in life is to only travel with the kids.
Miles Media
And what do they do with their kids? Send them around to go do scams in Paris.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, and they drug them.
Alex Media
I think that's why they drunk on. That's the only way to travel with the kids.
Andrew Schultz
Makes so much sense now.
Alex Media
Son, there is no way. I used to feel.
Mark Gagnon
I used to think that those people
Alex Media
were evil with the drug kids on the slip.
Andrew Schultz
They are people.
Alex Media
They trying to get by. They try to get by. They're travelers. They're traveling every day. They live in a Winnebago. Their home is their car. That's a good point.
Andrew Schultz
Evil. They got me for 501 time.
Miles Media
No, 500.
Alex Media
500. What? You was walking around with $500?
Andrew Schultz
No, I went to the. I don't want to tell the story.
Alex Media
No, you not even have to tell it.
Miles Media
Which all. Also, there's gypsy.
Alex Media
All I do is I kept this
Andrew Schultz
with the tuck for like four years.
Alex Media
Tell me, tell me, tell me.
Miles Media
Shout out to the Roma, bro. I love the Roma. After they over tell me story.
Andrew Schultz
All right, so I'm traveling to Philly. I'm at American Ch.
Alex Media
You dumb motherfucker. They send their beauty. This is the.
Andrew Schultz
We don't got gypsies here. I never met a gypsy in my life.
Alex Media
So what did you think it was? You're a travel dude. You've been around the world.
Andrew Schultz
Big dude came to me. He's like, yo, I'm charging. And so he comes up to me. He's like, yo, we. We ran out of gas. We have to go on this long trip. We're seeing family. The kids are like, sick in the car. He brings me over, the kids look sick in the car. And I'm like, yo, what do you need, bro? He's like, yo, don't worry. I'm gonna pay you back. I promise. He starts taking off his jewelry and shit like that. You could hold this. You get.
Alex Media
Yep, bro, $500 later, I'm embarrassed.
Andrew Schultz
And I drove away with a fake Rolex.
Alex Media
I'm embarrassed. Well, you kept the watch. You kept the watch. Get my money back.
Andrew Schultz
But, yeah, they got me. I never met a gypsy before in my life. And usually our homeless, they never use kids. Yeah, so that was my first time.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
And I felt bad for the fact
Miles Media
you kept the watch. Makes me feel no sympathy for you at all.
Andrew Schultz
The guy, he was insisting.
Mark Gagnon
That's the scam.
Andrew Schultz
He was insisting a guy needed help,
Miles Media
and you were like, I'll help you.
Mark Gagnon
But also, do you know how gypsies are known for bare knuckle fighting? Did you gu know that this is part of, like, their history and lore? The Irish gypsies, I know, like, like
Miles Media
the Gypsy king, like, is part of this or not?
Alex Media
Of course.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. A lot of these fighters come from that lineage. But, like, the actual ones, there's this. This documentary called Knuckle, where it goes into, like, what the. The. The actual street fights were about. And there's, like, rules to this. There's like a dirty one you could have where everything goes eye gouging, biting. I watch a fight where a dude bit the dude's nose off. Tip of his nose bit that right off.
Alex Media
There was a dude that said. There was a dude that said, I'm.
Mark Gagnon
I wish I knew his name. He goes, after I bite someone's flesh off, I don't spit it out because then he could sew it back on.
Alex Media
Damn.
Mark Gagnon
I swallow it. So he remembers the fight he had with me.
Alex Media
Anyway, this is.
Miles Media
What year is this roughly?
Mark Gagnon
I don't know. Look up the documentary Knuckle. I think it just came out recently, but it looks amazing. I was watching like a million Instagram clips about it. Oh, my God, it's so brutal.
Miles Media
This. This one right here.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alex Media
And it's all.
Mark Gagnon
Literally, It's Hatfields and McCoy's. Like, it's all familial.
Alex Media
What are that called? What is that called?
Miles Media
Feuds.
Alex Media
Yes.
Mark Gagnon
I wouldn't say blood feud where you have to like, kill somebody. They actually squash something in the ring. So it's like if you guys have beef, you fight it out. And that's where it is allegedly like
Andrew Schultz
a duel or some shit.
Mark Gagnon
Like. Yeah. I actually think that Tyson Fury's dad got locked up for years because of something that happened in one of these fights. Because Tyson Fury's dad was a like, you know, gypsy bare knuckle guy. Anyway, point I'm trying to say is they're so angry because they're traveling with kids.
Alex Media
Like, this is why these guys gotta fight is because their life is traveling with kids and they have like seven kids. Yeah. In one Winnebago.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
You gotta get that out. You gotta get it out the system.
Andrew Schultz
I'm so mad. I reminded myself of that story and I'm still pissed the fuck off.
Alex Media
Shut down.
Mark Gagnon
Okay.
Alex Media
It is tough when we get got
Mark Gagnon
as New Yorkers because we're used to scams.
Miles Media
Yeah, yeah.
Alex Media
Like every moment you leave your house is a scam.
Andrew Schultz
But they Hit me with the new one. That was never sorta.
Mark Gagnon
We're not used to that. Yes.
Andrew Schultz
And kids look sick in the back.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Guest/Caller
Yeah.
Miles Media
I feel like American scams are always, like, business oriented. You know what I mean? It's like, hey, like, I just need a dollar for this thing. Like, I'm trying to start something. Like, it's always like, like vaguely entrepreneurial. Whereas over there, like, gypsies will just be like, my family's dying, so just
Andrew Schultz
say what you want to say. This is a black kid dancing in the subway. Like, he dancing around and entrepreneur.
Alex Media
I'm doing this for my basketball team.
Miles Media
That's a business.
Alex Media
I respect the basketball team, but I
Mark Gagnon
respect that more than a pole dancer.
Alex Media
There was things like something happened. It don't matter how nice you are pole dancing. Like, why are we giving respect to that? These guys are pole dancing on the subway. Flips and shit.
Andrew Schultz
Come on, you gotta get what you're doing.
Alex Media
The best hoes are doing flips too. How do they not pause that? Yeah, how do they not pause that?
Andrew Schultz
They're not taking their clothes off. They're not taking the clothes off. That's the difference.
Miles Media
They take their jackets off a lot. I held them one time. One time.
Alex Media
They give you their hat. Take your hat back.
Miles Media
My first day in New York, I'm on the train with my suitcase and one of the guys is dancing and he goes, hey, man, can I get some water? And I'm holding the water bottle. I was like, sure. He takes it, puts his lips on it, closes it, gives it back to me, and then leaves. And I was just like, damn.
Mark Gagnon
And that guy's been holding a pole on a subway all day.
Alex Media
That's maybe one of the more German fested human beings.
Miles Media
Yeah. And I felt like an asshole.
Alex Media
Why?
Miles Media
He's on public transit.
Alex Media
He's on. He's. He's holding the pole.
Andrew Schultz
I'm sure they purell after, you know, Let me just.
Alex Media
Come on. Yeah, I'll give it a benefit of doubt. This is coming from a guy who
Andrew Schultz
doesn't wash his hands.
Alex Media
Take a shit. I don't wash my hands. You are the most determined. But he doesn't own subways. I rode the subway my whole life. That's why I didn't get Covid. Like you seven times, okay?
Andrew Schultz
Oh, no, that is true.
Alex Media
New Yorkers didn't get Covid.
Andrew Schultz
You do got weak ass.
Alex Media
No, you didn't get Covid.
Miles Media
I got it twice. I got it twice.
Alex Media
But you, because you didn't build up your immunity, you were Here.
Mark Gagnon
Not taking the subway.
Alex Media
We've been taking the subway our entire lives.
Miles Media
I actually do think there's something to that.
Andrew Schultz
This.
Alex Media
There's nothing that hasn't been in my mouth. I've been on the subway my whole life, holding on to the pole. Yeah.
Miles Media
My little baby dropped his apple on the sidewalk, picked it up and ate it.
Mark Gagnon
And I was like, oh, that's okay, bro.
Alex Media
That's okay.
Mark Gagnon
It's doodle on that sidewalk. Yeah, I know there's doodle on it.
Miles Media
But now he's going to be built a little differently.
Mark Gagnon
Your kid will be built different 100%. That's why I'm not worried about Han virus or whatever a little bit. I'm not.
Miles Media
It spreads from rat poop. Second rat poop is what?
Andrew Schultz
Nah, but this new one is human to human. Yeah. So you got.
Miles Media
But now we're both ways. Because we got rats and humans.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah. But it's some fucking, like, weird Dutchman that was using a rat as a vibrator or something like that. You know, they're into some freaky shit over there.
Miles Media
You know, the Dutch, those rat.
Mark Gagnon
They're rat. 100 rat.
Andrew Schultz
I don't want people to die, but I wouldn't mind another pandemic.
Mark Gagnon
Yo.
Alex Media
I'm really not.
Mark Gagnon
But we're not shutting it down again.
Andrew Schultz
Nah, we got shut down.
Miles Media
That's the wait.
Andrew Schultz
That's the part I want.
Miles Media
If it's not a shutdown and no one's dying, then how's it a pandemic?
Alex Media
What do you want? We gotta keep it open. It's just people get sick. We gotta keep it open.
Miles Media
I like his version better. I like everything shut down when no one dies.
Mark Gagnon
Not shutting it down. We can't shut it down again, bro.
Alex Media
I got two kids. We need to get their energy out. I don't think we talked enough about the moms and dads that had kids
Mark Gagnon
in the house during the whole pandemic.
Alex Media
God bless them.
Mark Gagnon
That's where you got a billion views.
Alex Media
Probably low key.
Miles Media
Probably.
Alex Media
Look at. Look at where them views came from. 2020.
Mark Gagnon
Also, all of our shows very quickly, Salt Lake City this coming weekend. Thank you guys so much. All shows are sold out. I love you, Salt Lake.
Alex Media
June 5th and 6th.
Mark Gagnon
We're going to be at Virginia Beach June 5th and 6th, so go grab tickets for that. And then this summer, we're going to be great Outdoors fest in Halifax, Nova Scotia, August 8. TheAndrewShultz.com for all those tickets. Thank you guys so much. Everybody came out to the Netflix Joke Fest. That jelly roll and I did that shit was crazy. The Greek Theater, that might be the most beautiful venue. I mean, obviously outside of my emotional connection to Madison Square Garden, but just pure carved out of a forest, like unbelievable. Awesome. And thank you so much. Everybody came out and saw us rock out and that was a pretty fucking awesome night. So we really appreciate you, Mark.
Miles Media
What's up, people? I'm going to be coming to a bunch of cities at the end of the year. I'm going to Plano, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Pasadena, California, San Diego and Detroit. You can find that all@markagnonlive.com I can't wait to see you guys there. Thank you.
Andrew Schultz
And guys, I have my tennis event this Saturday, May 16th. Just head over to theall loveclub.com theallloveclub.com get your ticket there. There's like about five or ten tickets left for this Saturday, but we have two more this summer. So, yeah, if I don't see you this Saturday, I'll see you at the other dates. Peace.
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Miles Media
Do you do this thing when you travel on the plane?
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Miles Media
And your girl breastfeeds. Do you screen? Do you pull a screen? That way people can't look.
Alex Media
Can I be honest with you, man?
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
Once you have kids, your wife's tits is for the streets, bro. They really are, dude. They really are. I know it sounds crazy, but it's like you're not as protective over them as due respects.
Andrew Schultz
Your.
Alex Media
That's crazy. That's their decision, it's not ours. Their decision is for the streets.
Andrew Schultz
You just gave your wife tits up for the streets.
Alex Media
I didn't. I didn't. But that baby gotta eat. That baby gotta eat, man. But y' all don't cover the baby.
Guest/Caller
Cover.
Miles Media
Sometimes you do a cover. Sometimes, like the shirt kind of hangs. And sometimes I will. I will set a pic and I'll try to like cover a little.
Alex Media
Protect your tit. That's your tit. A little.
Miles Media
And then she'll be like, what are you doing? I'm like, well, yeah, just, you know, just in case she's like, it's fine.
Alex Media
Nah, you gotta also just like, the baby pulls off and then he sucked the titty into an Aladdin shoe.
Miles Media
Oh.
Alex Media
And it's just like flat and curled at the ends. And then you dap him up. Yeah, boy. Get that milk. Get that milk. Link, bro.
Miles Media
I heard a story of a girl that popped it out to feed her baby.
Alex Media
And then did someone else sucked on it?
Miles Media
No, no, I seen that on the subway.
Alex Media
I seen that. A girl popped the titty off, dude. Popped right off of the fucking pole. And just.
Miles Media
No, she got up to go to the bathroom, gave the baby to her husband, forgot to pull her shirt up
Mark Gagnon
and just titty out, walk through the whole thing. That's what I'm saying. They stopped being as protect. I remember I posted a carousel when it was a few days after Lincoln was born.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, he was wilding for that.
Alex Media
I didn't even realize one of the
Mark Gagnon
pictures had my wife's titty out. And my wife don't even like being on the Internet. And I was like, oh, I think the titty.
Alex Media
And my wife was like, ah, it's fine. Wow.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, they don't care.
Alex Media
It's a very different, like, it stops becoming a, like a sexualized part of
Mark Gagnon
the body to y'. All.
Alex Media
That's a good point. But isn't that what jerking off the. Hey, stop bare knuckling? Come on, son. I bite off the flesh and I swallow it. No, there's a. There's a thing where it just becomes a tool.
Miles Media
It becomes a tool for sustaining life.
Alex Media
Exactly.
Mark Gagnon
Now, to you guys, you might still sexualize it, but there's. There's the thing. It's like women didn't even know that we like feet. All of us, every guy, until, like,
Alex Media
some made a big deal of it on the Internet.
Andrew Schultz
Well, you.
Mark Gagnon
I'm not me. I don't know.
Miles Media
You're one of the most spokespeople.
Alex Media
Yeah, you are for paddling feet.
Andrew Schultz
I think you're known more for a footloving paddle.
Alex Media
Yo, but like, I should have never said nothing.
Andrew Schultz
Yo. Footlove is mad disrespect.
Alex Media
No, but like, you got girls in the Havaianas, but they're curling their toes
Mark Gagnon
now, so we can't see it.
Alex Media
You know what I mean? Stop burking your feet up if you're wearing a Havaianas, you know what I mean? It's a luau. Or it's a luau. I don't know. That's a Brazilian thing. Isn't that shit, I thought it was Hawaiian.
Mark Gagnon
But the Havaianas are Brazilian, aren't they?
Miles Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Anyway, my point is that, like, we up and we let the world know about our sexual proclivities when it just was like another part. Like, if you're into shins, nobody even knows you're right. Yeah, yeah.
Miles Media
The more you talk about it, the more it hides.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly.
Miles Media
It's like a cat. You gotta let it come to you.
Andrew Schultz
That was.
Miles Media
I think, I think that makes sense. If you chase the cat, it runs away.
Mark Gagnon
It's gonna run away.
Miles Media
You know what I mean? So you gotta say nothing about the feet. Keep it in the tuck and then
Alex Media
keep it in the tub.
Miles Media
This is what happens when you grow up in New York. This is a big issue, I think. Why? Because you. New York is not a sandal wearing place. New Yorkers are not known for wearing sandals.
Mark Gagnon
Yo.
Miles Media
Mostly you don't wear sandals. And when you're walking on the street, like, people judge me for wearing sandals on the regular basis in the summertime.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, you're disgusting.
Miles Media
But like, why is wearing sandals on the sidewalk disgusting?
Alex Media
It's like, it's like, see New York
Andrew Schultz
streets, Like, it's too close to the garbage.
Alex Media
No, no, you're making a good point.
Mark Gagnon
Because it's so.
Alex Media
For me, it's like seeing a foot
Mark Gagnon
is like a Muslim dude seeing hair.
Alex Media
Yeah. And that, like, he doesn't get to
Mark Gagnon
see it all the time.
Alex Media
Exactly. And then he does.
Mark Gagnon
He's like, oh, that's super attractive as hair ever.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Yes. Yeah, that's a great point. It's your forbidden fruit.
Alex Media
You should see.
Mark Gagnon
You ever seen an Eskimo look at a foot? Oh, my God, bro.
Miles Media
I'm gonna look this up.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, my God.
Alex Media
I think that's why they like narwhal. Because it's similar texture, it's chewy, you gotta D it in soy sauce or whatever.
Miles Media
So your kids seeing Coco Melon, bro?
Alex Media
Yes.
Miles Media
They wake up? No. I'm gonna look at foot fetish by geography. I bet you could find. You could find like a map of it.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. If you come from a barefoot place, there's no way. Oh, what do we got?
Miles Media
My whole theory's gone out the window.
Alex Media
What do we got?
Miles Media
States with the most foot fetishists. Yep.
Mark Gagnon
Okay.
Miles Media
New York.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, Andrew.
Miles Media
Chicago.
Alex Media
But these are two. These are two, like, industrialized cities.
Mark Gagnon
So you're not going to really see feet that much.
Miles Media
Actually, maybe this goes to my theory. So you got York and Chicago. You're never going to see feet.
Andrew Schultz
Yes.
Miles Media
Florida, Texas, Los Angeles, you're going to see, I think, a lot of.
Mark Gagnon
I think the best feet. I don't think in Texas you do. I think those are booted.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Miles Media
Those might be boot people. That's a good point.
Mark Gagnon
Florida is peculiar to me, but what I would say is that the majority of people in Florida have moved there from New York.
Alex Media
That's a good point.
Mark Gagnon
Right. So it's like you're taking your fetish to a place where it's readily available.
Andrew Schultz
Same as la.
Mark Gagnon
Same as la. Also, everybody in LA is in their car. It's not really like a pedestrian place, so you're not really seeing people walk around.
Andrew Schultz
That's true. That's true.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
That's a stupid ass theory, but it's true.
Mark Gagnon
I mean, there might be something to it.
Miles Media
All right, you want to talk about this rose?
Mark Gagnon
Yes, let's talk about the rose. Al, you're sensitive. You're.
Alex Media
You feel a little uncomfortable about it, I think. I think it was a little harsh. Okay.
Miles Media
Really?
Alex Media
It was a little hard.
Mark Gagnon
What was harsh for you?
Andrew Schultz
Cheryl Underwood, the husband.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, God. So Cheryl Underwood is a, you know, legend comedian, been around forever. And I guess her husband had committed suicide.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And, like, there was a lot of jokes going in.
Guest/Caller
Yeah.
Miles Media
But I saw her talk about an interview. I think it was after. I think it came out, like today, and she was like, that was her husband. She was in the military, and he was also in the military. She was getting deployed or something. This was like 30 years ago. Oh. And they were married. And this is like. Like the 90s, I think. Something like that.
Andrew Schultz
All right. I change it recent.
Alex Media
I'm like, God, you thought it just happened.
Miles Media
And a bunch of them called her. Like, Shane called before, according to him. I think he said it in the roast.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Guest/Caller
Shane said he did check.
Miles Media
Like, he reached out to her and was like, hey, is it cool if I said she's like, yeah, of course.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. But then what? She's going to be a pussy and be like, no, it bothers me. You know how.
Alex Media
You're right, it is.
Mark Gagnon
It is a tough position to put her in.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. Kind.
Miles Media
I could see her just being like,
Andrew Schultz
ah, I'd rather not.
Miles Media
It's really delicate. Like, I'm still reeling from it. And then I think every comic would be like, all right, I.
Andrew Schultz
It.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. I don't think anybody would. But there is also a part of you that's on the roast. You're like, all right, everything's free game.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
You don't want to be the one on the roast that gives people like, oh, you can't say this, I guess.
Miles Media
But in that regard, she was totally fine with it, according to this interview.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, but, yeah, 30 years. That's nothing.
Miles Media
I wouldn't say.
Alex Media
I was no middle ground.
Miles Media
This went too far.
Alex Media
I was like, if one of my
Andrew Schultz
college hoes died right now,
Alex Media
what else is hurting you?
Mark Gagnon
What else is hurting you?
Andrew Schultz
No, that was the main one, but I feel like this one was just. And I know that's the nature of a roast. It's just like, hey, say the most brutal thing you could think of, and maybe I'm just getting soft. I thought it was rough, but isn't
Alex Media
that part of it?
Andrew Schultz
But I love it.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
But if that comedy flies and everybody's okay with that, why can't that comedy just be the standard?
Mark Gagnon
Mark had a great point about this.
Miles Media
So, like, first off, I love Roast.
Mark Gagnon
I genuinely love them.
Miles Media
Like, I love all the Comedy Central roasts. I love the Netflix roasts. Like, I just enjoy, like, just rapid fire their clever jokes. They're biting their stakes. It's live. It's like, the whole thing is perfect.
Andrew Schultz
Hang out with black people more in New York.
Miles Media
It's just awesome. It's, like, the best. But I do think, like, for the general public, having an environment for, like, super dark, Roasty, like, borderline aggressive comedy is nice when it exists within a
Mark Gagnon
specific forum because you're primed for it.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
You basically telling everybody, hey, the worst jokes possible are going to be said, so don't be surprised when they're said. And prepare yourself for this.
Alex Media
Like, if you click play, know that's
Mark Gagnon
what you're gonna see.
Miles Media
Yeah. Like, if I'm at work in my office job at 8am and someone says one of these jokes to me, I would even be like, oh, that's a little much for work. You know what I mean? If I meet someone for the first time.
Mark Gagnon
Because you're not primed for this is gonna be the craziest shit you're primed for. This is corporate America, and we're all gonna, like, you know, put on a corporate face and a corporate accent and do our thing.
Andrew Schultz
And that's funny. Me, I like to ruffle feathers. I'm like, oh, it's much better to say it in the place where it's unexpected than.
Miles Media
I would enjoy that. But I also recognize that there's. I wouldn't say that joke in that environment. You know what I mean? And if I'm meeting, like, my wife's parents for the first time, I wouldn't say some of these jokes. If I'm hanging my buddies, I might say some of them more. You know what I mean? If I'm at a comedy club, I might say most of them. And then when you're at a roast, it is the exact environment to say all the worst possible things.
Andrew Schultz
Gotcha.
Miles Media
Gotcha. And that is the point of it. It's like, you don't need like. Like, you shouldn't expect violence in everyday society, but at the ufc, you need violence. Like it requires. It necessitates.
Alex Media
They're preparing you.
Mark Gagnon
They're like, yo, someone's gonna elbow someone in the face when they're passed out on the ground.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
And there's probably. There could be blood. Blood. And people might pass out. Like, they might get knocked out cold.
Alex Media
Now, that doesn't mean that some people
Mark Gagnon
don't watch UFC and be like, this is too brutal for me. Yeah, it might come for, you know, for roasts, the same thing, but at least it's like, there's a framework put in place and an expectation for you going into it. And I think sometimes when the clips hit the Internet, someone's scrolling and they have not subscribed to a roast.
Alex Media
Right.
Mark Gagnon
So then they're.
Alex Media
They're looking at cat videos or whatever, and then this crazy joke comes out,
Mark Gagnon
and they're like, yo, I didn't sign up for this.
Alex Media
I signed up for Mark Zuckerberg's, you know, Instagram.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
So then they're caught off guard.
Mark Gagnon
But I find it hard to believe that people that were like, I'm pressing play on this roast, and I know it's going to be absolutely savage. I find it hard to believe that those people would be, like, super offended.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
I don't.
Andrew Schultz
I don't think anything or I didn't hear anything that was, like, offensive. I just was like, oof. They really went there. They went there.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
And I like that shit.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, there was some great jokes.
Miles Media
I also think there's a difference with, like, something. I think you can be sensitive to something and still think it's funny.
Andrew Schultz
Yes.
Miles Media
I mean, like, I'll hear jokes even just, like, at a club or whatever, where I'm like, oof. Like, that's, like, something for me personally, where I'm like, oh, that's a little close. But I still think it's so funny that I'm like, I don't care. Because the funniness outweighs the sensitivity. And the more sensitive something is, the funnier something has to be, which is Why? I like jokes that push the line of sensitivity.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
Because it necessitates that. It's that much funnier.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
I saw a bunch of clips and I watched some of it and I just thought the jokes were great. And it was like everybody was going in, you know, it was gloves off. I think the only time I'm like, oh, is when like anybody's kids get brought up and maybe I'm a dad or whatever it is. Or you just think about the kids as like, you know, they're just like young and kind of defenseless. And it's not the person's life, it's somebody else's life. Like, even with the Tom Brady rose, it's like, I ain't saying about his kids, bro. Like, I don't.
Miles Media
Because they didn't sign up to be exact environment.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly.
Alex Media
But neither did his ex wife. And we definitely made jokes about her,
Mark Gagnon
you know, public figure. Public figure. That's also the other rule. It's like, if you're. If your spouse is a public figure, then, you know, she's free game. You've, you know.
Andrew Schultz
Who was it who called Kevin's wife a lady boy?
Mark Gagnon
Not Dave's wife.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, Dave.
Mark Gagnon
Naim Lin. Naeem Lin is hilarious comedian one. Like one of Kev's boys. He's in the plastic cup, boys. But also like a hilarious stand up son
Alex Media
shout out. But yeah, he's like, what he say about Dave? He's like, oh.
Mark Gagnon
He went in, he said.
Miles Media
I don't know why he did.
Alex Media
He said, Dave wasn't even there. He said, kevin hates you.
Mark Gagnon
He goes, kevin hates you more than the transgender community hates you.
Alex Media
And then he goes, I don't know why you hate transgender so much when your wife is a Filipino lady boy.
Mark Gagnon
Yo.
Alex Media
I was like, whoa. Even Shane went up. Like, that was interesting. I'm sure he'll be totally okay with that.
Miles Media
Went hard. But I thought. I thought all the comics did great. Tony killed.
Alex Media
Tony crushed, bro.
Miles Media
Shane killed.
Alex Media
Shane did great.
Miles Media
I mean, I thought Cheryl Underwood did great.
Alex Media
You know, Shane bringing Chelsea up as he goes. She. She was. She was at a dinner with Epstein. It wasn't even a big dinner. Just a few people there like Prince
Mark Gagnon
Andrew and Woody Allen.
Miles Media
You could look it up. There's articles.
Alex Media
Yeah, there's articles. But anyway, give it up for Chelsea. No joke. It's just a fact about her life.
Miles Media
Unreal.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
She's a Zionist. Not that it's good or bad.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
Speaking of dead babies.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, that was great. That was great.
Miles Media
But yeah, Jeff did great. And then the person that impressed me the most that I. I was so charmed by was Lizzo.
Alex Media
Oh, Lizzo was so good.
Miles Media
Lizzo was fantastic.
Alex Media
She was.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Miles Media
Oh, it's awesome.
Mark Gagnon
She just had fun.
Alex Media
Like, you could tell, like, she was
Mark Gagnon
enjoying it, not just trying to do well. And there's a version of, like, I just want to crush. And then there's a version of, like, this is silly and naughty and, like, I'm in it. Yeah. And that energy, I think, always wins.
Guest/Caller
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
You know, like.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Even if, like, you might bumble a line, it doesn't matter, because people are like, oh, they're having fun, and they're stoked to be in this moment. Yeah. And signing up to it. She knew she was gonna get cooked.
Andrew Schultz
I didn't even see her there.
Mark Gagnon
She came out.
Miles Media
Yeah. I don't know if she was announced. I think she was, like, a guest.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, she did that on purpose.
Mark Gagnon
But then some people, I think, went after her.
Guest/Caller
Okay.
Mark Gagnon
So they still had jokes for her.
Andrew Schultz
Got it, got it, got it. Okay, what's the process for the roast? Like, are all their jokes written by other people?
Mark Gagnon
No, you get, like, a group of guys that will write jokes.
Andrew Schultz
Okay.
Mark Gagnon
So, like, the celebs usually have, like, a team of guys, and they got, like, amazing fucking writers. They're like, Mike Lawrence. Lawrence is fantastic. Dan St. Germain, another guy. And, like. And then everybody kind of just has, like, a team of guys, and you work with them and you put together the set, and essentially, that's what it is.
Alex Media
And it's like, its own skill.
Mark Gagnon
Like, roast jokes are. It's not like, that doesn't translate to stand up, but it is a very specific type of thing, and, yeah, these guys are fucking amazing at it also.
Miles Media
I wonder if Netflix contracts writers just in general.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. So, like, like, Mike Lawrence was probably, like, maybe the. I'm assuming he was, like, the head writer. So he's there to make sure everybody has jokes, and then he's also there to make sure that people's jokes aren't crossing over that much without telling other people.
Andrew Schultz
Right.
Mark Gagnon
So, like, I remember when we were doing Brady, he came in the room, and I was like, hey, just tell me what any other people have without telling me anybody else's jokes. Right.
Miles Media
Or I think you were even like, I'm gonna do this joke. And he was like, oh, yeah, no one's touching that.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, okay.
Mark Gagnon
So it's like. Cause that's the other thing. It's like, there's only so many Short black jokes you can make about Kevin. Yeah. So you got to make sure each person's short black joke is different than the other. Right. There's only so many jokes about his movie sucking, so you've got to make sure they're different enough where the audience doesn't hear the same joke over and over again for. And that's the other reason why there's a deus. Right. It's like, not only do you need people to tell jokes, you need people that are punching bags as well.
Miles Media
Ah, got it. Got it.
Mark Gagnon
Right? Because it's just if every person only talks about Kevin two hours in, you're like, all right, we heard it all.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Miles Media
But that's what makes going last in the roast or later in the roast so stressful, because it's like, everybody heard it. You're sitting there, and then other jokes are getting picked off. You're kind of, like, crossing up stuff, like, crossing stuff out. Like, all right, that joke got done. Like, this one kind of got done. And then you got to, like, make a choice. Like, all right, is this one close enough?
Andrew Schultz
But I figured the head writer is. They're picking those off before the thing. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
But, like, the topic has been broached, so by, like, an hour and a half in. It's like, all right, we get it at Kevin's short.
Andrew Schultz
Got it.
Mark Gagnon
And whatever. And, like. Like, I remember there was a. There was a time in the Brady where, like, I noticed Dana in the audience, and, like, I. I had a riff about him that I didn't have in, like, the set, but I was like, oh, nobody's gonna hit him. Or maybe they won't hit him because he's, like, an unannounced guest just in the crowd, but people are aware of him, and those things can. You know what I mean? It's like fresh meat, essentially. So being able to pull from those different things, I think is. Is valuable. Yeah. But there was some bangers, dude. There was some really. Yeah.
Miles Media
Pete Davis in a great.
Alex Media
Yo, Pete did really good, man. He was good. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
If you do really good.
Miles Media
And he.
Mark Gagnon
And also put it. Think about Pete.
Alex Media
Like, he knows if he's sitting there, he's gonna relive his dad's death 10 times.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Alex Media
You know what I mean?
Mark Gagnon
Like, you putting yourself in a line of fire. And so that was. That was cool to see.
Miles Media
Also, I saw a little thing from tmz. This is like. It's kind of of like a nothing story. But, like, Connie was apparently there.
Mark Gagnon
No.
Miles Media
So I saw A video of someone like, like, recording Kanye from the corner, and he doesn't really react, but, like, he's there for all the jokes, which is kind of wild.
Andrew Schultz
Get out of here.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, that was your point where.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Guest/Caller
Apparently he was in the crowd. And that was to your point with, like, the Pete joke, where Pete said to Tony, like, I've had a better gay Nazi. Like, I've been in a beef with a better gay Nazi. I'm not afraid of you. I think that was because he knew Kanye was there.
Mark Gagnon
He knew Kanye was there. Oh, that's funny.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, man. Tony had a bit where he said, chelsea Handler is aging like a vegetable in Lizzo's fridge, son.
Miles Media
But one of my favorites from Tony was Regina Hall's here. She starred in a movie One battle after another. Or as Lizzo calls it, stairs.
Andrew Schultz
A lot of good ones.
Guest/Caller
One of the cool things that was happening at the Netflix is just joke Fest was a lot of the comedians were trying their jokes out.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Guest/Caller
During that week. So I didn't get to go to the roast and wasn't watching it live because I was on a plane, but I'd heard a lot of them and then rewatched it, and I was like, oh, some of these made it. Some of them got changed along the way.
Andrew Schultz
Yes.
Guest/Caller
It was a really cool process if you got to go to that week before, too.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah. Like, Tony was on me and Jelly show, and Tony tried some of the roast jokes out and, like, prep them.
Miles Media
And then Big J was great.
Alex Media
Oh, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Shout out, Big Jeff.
Miles Media
And then it was cool to see Cat pull up.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
There's a lot of speculation on whether,
Mark Gagnon
like, the beef is actually squashed.
Andrew Schultz
What'd you think?
Mark Gagnon
I thought. I think if it is, it's really cool. And I think, like, Kev extending the olive branch is really cool. Kev also did a really funny thing because, like, everybody made fun of him for being a bad actor. Like, they're like, your movies suck, and you suck at acting. And then he squashes these with Cat, and then when he does his thing at the end, it's like. Like, all of y' all said I was this horrible actor. Well, you believe me when I said that I squashed my beef with. With Cat? That was some of the best acting you've ever seen.
Andrew Schultz
That's good.
Mark Gagnon
Yep. Fun setup, but, like. Yeah. Cool for Cat to just show up.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
All right, guys, take a break for a second.
Mark Gagnon
You know that moment when you catch your reflection, you notice your hairline isn't where it used to be, receding slowly. You lie to yourself. You say, nah, that's where it always was.
Alex Media
But you know it wasn't.
Mark Gagnon
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Alex Media
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Alex Media
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Mark Gagnon
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Alex Media
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Mark Gagnon
have no idea that the shampoo and body wash they've been using for years contain ingredients that can actually disrupt your hormones. I didn't either until I looked it up. And by me, I mean my wife, okay?
Alex Media
She looks up everything.
Mark Gagnon
Now we have two kids. We can't let all this crazy nonsense go in their bodies. And I am the beneficiary of that. Okay? There's stuff that's been sitting in your shower for years that you've been rubbing into your scalp every single morning that
Alex Media
your body has to fight off every single day. It's wild.
Mark Gagnon
We spend all this time thinking about
Alex Media
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Mark Gagnon
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Alex Media
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Mark Gagnon
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Alex Media
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Alex Media
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Mark Gagnon
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Andrew Schultz
How'd the Rock do?
Miles Media
It was fun.
Mark Gagnon
I didn't watch his set.
Miles Media
It was fun. Like he just is the Rock. Like, it wasn't so much like he had like a bunch of like super tight jokes. He's just the, he just walks in and everyone's like, oh, the Rock.
Mark Gagnon
He's also good at performing in front of an arena of people.
Miles Media
Exactly. Like he was holding attention in the arena.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Miles Media
And then was just going in about Kevin as well. His wife basically being like, call me. It was very funny.
Mark Gagnon
Okay.
Miles Media
But I like that. I just love roasts.
Mark Gagnon
No, they're great. They're great. And it is a great opportunity. Like is a great opportunity to just see somebody celebrated and humbled. Yeah. And I think it's easier for like humans to celebrate somebody while humbling them at the same time. You know, like you, if somebody gets a lot of success, like the maybe human instinct is just to start tearing them down. So in the process of celebrating you, we are going to tear you down. It's probably like why dudes give birthday punches to their friends.
Alex Media
It's like, I can't just be Nice
Mark Gagnon
to you all day. Let me beat the out of you, and then I can be nice to you. Yeah. So it's like we're already doing this at, like, 8 years old or whenever we start birthday punches.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
But it seemed like there was some real animosity on that station. That was one thing. They weren't doing that creative acting, I don't think.
Alex Media
I think Tony likes Chelsea Hammer that much. And Chelsea was, like, shaking when she was like, there's a difference between Judaism and Zionism. Like, to Shane.
Miles Media
Yeah. Is there a little party that wishes you did it?
Alex Media
I had some fomo.
Mark Gagnon
I'll be honest with you. I did have a little bit of
Miles Media
fomo because they asked you.
Mark Gagnon
I just.
Alex Media
This is what.
Mark Gagnon
The agents basically reach out and they're just like, you know, hey, we heard it's gonna happen. Like, are you down? And I talked to, like, Netflix about some of whatever, and. And I just had to make a decision between, like, developing a new hour of material to go tour or doing the. Doing the roast, because I know I wouldn't be able to do either. I'd be like, I'm just gonna lock myself in the clubs and be working on my 10 minute thing.
Miles Media
Like, it becomes the whole month.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Or yeah, two months maybe, if you really want to do it in, like, Excel. Yeah. You know, but in retrospect, there's also versions like, all right, maybe I should just done it and just had some fun jokes and just had.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, you should have did it.
Mark Gagnon
I know.
Alex Media
I had. I had a little fun, but I'm
Mark Gagnon
also glad that I. I focus on standup and I'm able to get back on the road. And like, that's. But, yeah, that's it. When you see it, you're like, oh, man, that looks so much fun. Idiot. I should have just done it. Stupid.
Miles Media
Well, it's nice to do it. It's the three months preparing where you're in fight camp.
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Miles Media
You know what I mean? Like, putting everything else off. Not traveling with your kids.
Alex Media
Yes.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I got to travel with my kids.
Alex Media
You know what I mean?
Miles Media
You got the benefit of that, which is good.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
But no, it was.
Mark Gagnon
I don't know, it was just cool
Miles Media
to see they need Tiger to do. Do it. Tiger Wood's got to be the next one.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, there was.
Andrew Schultz
He don't seem like he got a sense of humor.
Miles Media
Perfect.
Mark Gagnon
But that's even better.
Miles Media
I like it when it's celebs. I think. I think a little more like, I like.
Alex Media
I.
Miles Media
That's What I liked about the Comedy Central ones is, like, I enjoy seeing people kind of out of their element.
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Miles Media
Like, when Bieber did it, like, Charlie.
Mark Gagnon
Vulnerability of it. Yeah. You know, like a comedian is. Is not to say that this wasn't awesome, but they're a little bit better at maybe, like, taking jokes about themselves. They've been like, Kevin might be one of the best ever at taking jokes.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Like, he'll tell you stories about going through it. Yeah. At the Cellar.
Miles Media
I mean, stories of him and Patrice.
Alex Media
And Patrice used to throw a phone
Mark Gagnon
book at him while he was on stage.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
He's like, read this.
Alex Media
This is better than you have. Whatever. Like, so, like, Kev is probably historically,
Mark Gagnon
maybe one of the best ever. Rich Voss is another one who's, like, amazing at roasting, but he's a great person to get into a roast with.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Like, he don't get sensitive. He gets, like, jazzed up by.
Miles Media
I mean, all those. All the, like, OG Seller guys.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Bobby, Kelly, Jim, like, literally, my goats, like, the people I would just look and watch at the back table and be like, this is Keith. Keith Robinson, Ledge. So, yeah. So that was. But, yeah, when you see a celebrity that's not used to getting teased, there's something about it.
Miles Media
It kind of adds some stakes.
Mark Gagnon
You know, you're like, oh, shit. They're angry. Like, when Tom Brady walked up to Jeff Ross and goes, don't talk about my fucking kids. Yeah. At the roast, that was real. Oh, really?
Andrew Schultz
It wasn't.
Alex Media
Don't talk about my kids.
Mark Gagnon
He actually said, don't talk about Bob Kraft.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. Okay.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
And that was real.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Alex Media
Like, it's just kind of crazy because there's.
Miles Media
There's something else at play. Like. Like, Brady doesn't need to do it. You know what I mean?
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Miles Media
Apparently, I think Jeff was talking to Rogan about it, and he was like, brady wanted to do it because that's. He loves Roast. Apparently Brady, like, when he's, like, in the locker room, like, a couple hours before a game, like, kind of, like, decompressing or, like, trying to escape a little bit. He'll, like. Or maybe after game, whatever, but, like, he'll just watch Roast. Like, old Comedy Central Roast.
Guest/Caller
That's crazy.
Miles Media
And he was like, I like these kinds of jokes, and he wanted to do that, like, four comedies. Like, I want to. I want to relive this era of.
Mark Gagnon
Of stand up. They also paid him 20 million.
Miles Media
That helps, you know, but for Tom Brady, I mean, that's what is that?
Mark Gagnon
Now?
Alex Media
He said a funny thing.
Mark Gagnon
He's like, people are like, I can't believe that you let people talk about your ex wife like that. Or something like that. And he's like, you can't believe I did this. It's like, my ex wife cheated on me with a Jiu Jitsu instructor. He goes, I don't know a man on this planet that wouldn't take $20 million for people to make fun of her for that.
Alex Media
Just like.
Andrew Schultz
But the ex wife is fair game. But your former boss is off limits. He.
Miles Media
Boss never cheated on him.
Alex Media
Well, he did.
Mark Gagnon
He did let him get traded to Tampa.
Alex Media
But, you know, he. I think he. Damn, you right about that. He walk up to, yo, talk about that Brazilian. Not this guy over here. Bob Kraft. Bob Kraft took me to Israel, bro.
Miles Media
I mean, it's kind of like how you guys are with the Knicks, you know, like, people on them. You guys get all.
Mark Gagnon
Don't, don't, don't.
Andrew Schultz
You ever been up in the middle of a podcast before?
Alex Media
Yes.
Andrew Schultz
I'm just saying, like, have you ever?
Mark Gagnon
There's a. There's a weird feeling in New York right now.
Andrew Schultz
What?
Miles Media
That's like a jinx is coming.
Guest/Caller
Why, bro?
Mark Gagnon
Why you even got to say.
Miles Media
I'm asking. I'm asking if that's. If that's what you're going to say.
Alex Media
New York is the most arrogant.
Andrew Schultz
Chill out.
Mark Gagnon
Chill out. On the planet. That's part of our charm.
Alex Media
But we ain't used to things going this well within this, and it's creating an interesting feeling.
Mark Gagnon
Like, even at the Cellar last night, there was a couple comments came up
Alex Media
to me, and they're like, hey, man, how about those?
Mark Gagnon
And I was like, don't even talk about. He's like, I was talking.
Alex Media
Mike Canning.
Mark Gagnon
He goes, hey, man, how about those? I was like, let's not even talk about it. He's like, you're right.
Alex Media
I don't want to talk about it. Voldemort. Don't even mention it. Things are going all right. Low key.
Mark Gagnon
I haven't been watching.
Andrew Schultz
I'm hesitant.
Miles Media
Oh, that might be it.
Andrew Schultz
I'm hesitant to buy a ticket. I'm like, I ain't going to a single game this season.
Alex Media
Maybe that's why. Just say they're exp. Expanded the studio. That's why I'm not buying a. I don't want to jinx Dead ass. I ain't going to a single game. But like, yo, we've never been better, son.
Mark Gagnon
I was following the game.
Miles Media
New Yorkers are. So you tell them you believe in God.
Andrew Schultz
They're like, oh, you're what?
Miles Media
A religious.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Miles Media
And then you tell them you, like, wore Nick's jersey on the wrong day. And they're like, dude, you. You can't do that. It's part of a special spell. It makes no sense.
Andrew Schultz
You believe in demons?
Alex Media
Shut the up, bro.
Miles Media
There's a whole book dedicated to it.
Alex Media
I believe been demons too, and.
Mark Gagnon
And whatever.
Alex Media
Demons have been putting pressure on my Knicks for the last 40 years. Please alleviate some of that this year. Demons is son. The energy. I've never felt this.
Mark Gagnon
People don't even want to talk about in a group chat.
Alex Media
Like, I have my group chats for
Mark Gagnon
basketball games go crazy. And there's just like, third quarter up by 40. Someone be like, looking good.
Alex Media
Someone put a broom emoji. I think Jamil put the broom emoji in the group chat. Nobody even responds.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
The second the game was over, like, yeah, we got that. Sweet.
Mark Gagnon
So I posted one video that a guy made. It was like a. Like a song about it, about us sweeping Philly. And even after that, I was like, I ruined it. Didn't like. I. I was.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, you posted it before the game?
Alex Media
After.
Andrew Schultz
It was.
Mark Gagnon
Even after.
Alex Media
I'm like, we still got another se.
Miles Media
When is the next game?
Mark Gagnon
This. The. What's it called? Series is 22. So we got to wait for them to settle that. So we got a little time to up.
Miles Media
We got.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, they got to start partying.
Alex Media
And, yo, everybody, just don't go to Miami and get on the yacht. Don't make the mistake.
Miles Media
You saw the interview with Jaylen. They were like, how do you feel? The fact that, like, they built this team around you to, like, win a championship and it's working. D. And his response was cool. He was like. Like, look, right now I'm focused on this. Like, I'll answer that question years from now when it's all said and done or something like that. Like, he seemed like he was very
Mark Gagnon
locked in New York.
Miles Media
New York.
Alex Media
This is a. This is a public service announcement. If you see any of these at the club Snitch. I don't even want you guys at Carbone to resi.
Mark Gagnon
I don't want you at for Charles.
Alex Media
I don't even want you eating red meat for the next month. If you see any Knicks out of the house. House, you gotta call 31 1. Yeah, what's the emergency hotline?
Mark Gagnon
Is it 31 1?
Alex Media
You call 311 and you report them immediately.
Mark Gagnon
You guys Got to be in your
Alex Media
houses in Westchester, Jersey or Connecticut, wherever the they stay.
Andrew Schultz
No hoes.
Alex Media
No. No New York hoes, by the way, New York hoes. Help.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
Stay away.
Andrew Schultz
Stay away.
Alex Media
Keep that closed for one month. Exactly. This is blood sport. We need filled with testosterone for the next month. Do not drain these guys, please. New York hoes. Yeah. I would say Cleveland, Detroit hoes. But I'm not worried about y'. All. We're not with y' all anyway. So you try your best. Do whatever you do to.
Mark Gagnon
Gotta come up.
Alex Media
We are not worried about either Cleveland or doing Detroit hoes. Dra. New York balls. You try your hardest. Do what? We've been to Detroit and Cleveland. Okay. Okay. We're coming back home to the wives. That away game is just that. There's no concern over here for our New York Knicks about getting caught up some shit in Cleveland, Detroit.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. That is pretty good.
Alex Media
Or okc. Who do you think's going to the finals on the West?
Mark Gagnon
I don't even know who's in okc. Or maybe San Antonio.
Andrew Schultz
Probably okc. Most likely.
Alex Media
Yeah. So we have a clear path in terms of hoes to the.
Mark Gagnon
I don't even want to say the
Alex Media
words, but if it's LA versus New York, they could throw some serious distraction at the boys.
Andrew Schultz
You gotta watch out for OG.
Mark Gagnon
Say yes.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, gee.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, yeah. With the hammy.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Miles Media
Wait, what?
Andrew Schultz
And the hose.
Miles Media
Wait, what do you mean?
Andrew Schultz
He brings the hoes out.
Alex Media
Yeah. We can't have all that.
Andrew Schultz
You gotta chill out. Chill out.
Miles Media
Yeah. Are we even allowed to look at the. Like a. At the odds right now? Or is this.
Andrew Schultz
Look at the West.
Alex Media
Yeah, look at the West. What is the. What is the Cows.
Mark Gagnon
You have the west at.
Alex Media
Who's coming out of the West?
Guest/Caller
San Antonio or Oklahoma? 74 on San Antonio or on Oklahoma.
Mark Gagnon
Sorry.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Most likely he's going to be okc, but we got. I mean,
Guest/Caller
nothing.
Miles Media
We'll see.
Mark Gagnon
We can see what happens.
Andrew Schultz
Yep. Yep.
Miles Media
And yep.
Andrew Schultz
Best team will win.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Made the best team win.
Andrew Schultz
Yep.
Miles Media
Now y' all are making me superstitious. Yeah.
Alex Media
I don't think you know what this means, bro.
Mark Gagnon
I really don't.
Miles Media
We.
Mark Gagnon
We are gonna.
Alex Media
If the Knicks win, we will make
Mark Gagnon
Mom Donnie a citizen.
Alex Media
I think he's a citizen.
Andrew Schultz
Nah, Double citizen.
Mark Gagnon
A double citizen.
Alex Media
Double citizen. What does that mean?
Mark Gagnon
He's gonna get what he gets to be whatever he wants in the United States. And he could use his African accent.
Alex Media
He. If he wins, he could use his
Mark Gagnon
African accent for the rest the Week.
Alex Media
A week. Give him a week. Get to do. We'll. Hey, New York will be a communist
Mark Gagnon
city if he wins.
Miles Media
I mean, the Soviets are good at sports.
Andrew Schultz
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Miles Media
I'm just saying, the Soviets, they had a great run.
Andrew Schultz
Commie got the red on too.
Miles Media
There's something about a little Soviet, you know what I mean? Hammer and sickle vibes. That makes a. Makes a good sports team. That's all I'm saying. Maybe we could use a little more of that. Think about all the women in Berkeley. The men are gonna be smashing a little more testosterone. Right.
Alex Media
You would think that the Middle east would be better at sports if that
Mark Gagnon
was the case, right?
Alex Media
I don't even know if they got athletes. Is there a sport that they're good at over there?
Miles Media
Well, when it's. When they go somewhere else, then they get really good.
Alex Media
For example, they go to France.
Miles Media
You know what I mean?
Alex Media
But who from the Middle east went
Mark Gagnon
to France from like Northern Africa?
Miles Media
Northern Africa, Yeah, of course, Zinedine Zidane,
Mark Gagnon
Kareem Benzo, but that's Africa. I'm talking about the Middle East East.
Miles Media
I mean, Mo Salah goes to England.
Alex Media
Mosala is from Egypt.
Miles Media
Yeah, that's the Middle East.
Andrew Schultz
It's Africa.
Miles Media
You don't consider Egypt the Middle East?
Alex Media
No, I mean, if I'm being honest with you, I do, but not for this. Yeah, it is, but it's Africa.
Mark Gagnon
Those are Africans.
Alex Media
I'm saying Middle east.
Mark Gagnon
Who's nice at sports and what sport are they good at? I mean, that's fine falconry or whatever.
Miles Media
Falconry? Falconry, yeah. I'm looking right now. There's not a.
Andrew Schultz
Not a ton. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
So I don't know if the burka elicits like a. A testosterone induced drive that makes you good at a sport. I think the sport has to be baked into the culture. Yeah, probably true.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
Let me find out what the best athletes are in the middle the of least or even sports.
Mark Gagnon
They're probably good at.
Miles Media
Like darts or something.
Mark Gagnon
Nah, darts is a drinking man's game.
Guest/Caller
Yeah, you got to drink to do that one.
Miles Media
That's a good point.
Alex Media
Why would you think they'd be good at that?
Miles Media
Yeah, why.
Andrew Schultz
Why was that?
Mark Gagnon
I don't know.
Miles Media
I just figured it'd be like kind of an obscure sport where you're like,
Mark Gagnon
hitting a small target from a long distance away. You think that they'd be good at
Alex Media
that for some reason, some of them had a good run in the early
Mark Gagnon
2000s, you know, they had a good
Alex Media
run a Little bit. Which country in specifically would be so good at that?
Miles Media
I mean, you know.
Alex Media
Mark, do you have any.
Miles Media
Some of the Saudi boys are pretty good.
Alex Media
You think? Back in the day, Those were big targets, though.
Miles Media
Like, I mean, sort of.
Alex Media
You can't even miss it.
Miles Media
No, you can miss it.
Mark Gagnon
Honestly, dude, you can miss it.
Alex Media
I don't think you can.
Miles Media
Which would be so embarrassing, having to loop around, bro.
Alex Media
Going straight down the middle and slicing between him like that dude in the wingsuit. Like, you just go right between. Then everybody's confused, like, oh, somebody saved it. Then you see it slowly.
Andrew Schultz
That would be nuts. Like you doing tricks on it.
Miles Media
Yeah. I don't know. It doesn't seem like there's a. That soccer is what they say, but
Mark Gagnon
I can't think of the best.
Miles Media
Not even Emirati or Saudi soccer player or Omani.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, I don't think they got it, man. Yeah, I don't think they got it. Anyway, shout out the Knicks, man, and we got your back. We're here and the whole city is coming together. So whatever you guys need, we got you.
Alex Media
But we also are going to call
Mark Gagnon
3, 1, 1 if we see you out the clubs or see we. You know, you're getting after hoes and I think that that's like our responsibility as a city to do.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Alex Media
Given that our tax dollars are going
Mark Gagnon
to pay for these arenas to be built. Etc.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
You know, we've been supporting you guys
Andrew Schultz
all year, but no snitch rule doesn't apply now.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. I don't even think it's snitching, bro.
Miles Media
It's not.
Andrew Schultz
Nah, snitching, it's a civic duty.
Alex Media
I think it's a civic duty.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, but if you see something nut off and like that, you snitch. Snitching on him. Yeah, Come on.
Mark Gagnon
I mean, like, you could get your nut off next month, bro. Yeah. Imagine the nuts you're gonna get off with a championship.
Miles Media
Yep.
Alex Media
Imagine the caliber.
Andrew Schultz
Okay.
Alex Media
Thinking about the type of nuts,
Miles Media
think about how much nut, hypothetically, if someone wins the championship, someone.
Andrew Schultz
They get a pussy, they're gonna be drowning.
Miles Media
Think about how big those nuts will be. Everywhere they want, anywhere on this podcast.
Mark Gagnon
I. I think, man. I mean, it's easy for me to say as a married man. Yeah. You know, but like, I think Martha Stewart gotta open up for the boys.
Miles Media
Why Martha Stewart?
Andrew Schultz
That was.
Miles Media
Did you mean to say Martha Stewart?
Guest/Caller
N.
Alex Media
Man, that's interesting, baby. Something I knew he thinking of someone and it wasn't with you. Yeah, man, who was I thinking? Of, man. No, you said, think Margaret Thatcher need
Mark Gagnon
to open up to her boys, man.
Alex Media
I think Margaret Thatcher needs to give it up for the boys.
Mark Gagnon
Did I get that one wrong again, too?
Miles Media
I think. I hope you got it wrong. I don't think it was Margaret Thatcher. Someone. Someone's gotta open it up. No, no one that we know.
Mark Gagnon
Honestly.
Andrew Schultz
Mark's grandmother. Come on, bro.
Alex Media
I mean, for a Knicks championship, that's a two for one, too.
Andrew Schultz
She won us the war. This is the next one.
Alex Media
This is the next war. And this is almost like a more
Mark Gagnon
unlikely scenario, but if they threw in a Spitfire. If you.
Alex Media
If you get. If you get. If you had her just spinning like
Mark Gagnon
a little chicken on a rotisserie.
Andrew Schultz
Hey, come on, man.
Alex Media
With all due respect, British intelligence, let's
Mark Gagnon
not talk about foreign spies. Oh, let's not talk about foreign spies infiltrating our.
Miles Media
Can we do feelings? No. Facts.
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Alex Media
All right, guys, take a break for a second.
Mark Gagnon
Here's something that anyone who's ever hired anyone will tell you. The difference between a good hire and a nightmare hire usually isn't the resume. It's whether the person actually wants the job. You can have two candidates with identical experience, same school, same title, same years of experience. And one of them is going to be a home run, and the other one is going to be a disaster. And the only thing separating them is that one of them is genuinely excited about the role. They've done their homework. They ask real questions. They seem like they actually fit. The other one is just looking for a job, not your job job. Big difference. Excitement matters. It tells you everything. So if you're hiring and you want a candidate who's passionate about your role, but you can't get that insight from a resume unless you post your job on ZipRecruiter. And now you can try for free@ziprecruiter.com flagrant. Here's why it works. ZipRecruiter has a new feature that actually shows you the most interested qualified candidates first. So you're not sifting through hundreds of resumes trying to figure out who actually wants to be be there. The candidates can tell you in their own words why they want your job. And ZipRecruiters matching tech finds qualified people fast. No wonder it's the number one rated hiring site on G2.
Alex Media
So find candidates who really want your job on ZipRecruiter.
Mark Gagnon
Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try for free at ZipRecruiter.com Flagrant. That's ZipRecruiter.com FlagrAnt meet your match on ZipRecruiter Recruiter.
Alex Media
All right, guys, listen up. We are actually doing something meaningful for once. All right?
Mark Gagnon
It's called the Life Paddle Classic and huge shout out to Neurogum because they are supporting it.
Alex Media
We are getting everybody together for paddle Good vibes, a little competition and most
Mark Gagnon
importantly, raising money for families going through IVF.
Alex Media
And this is the important part.
Mark Gagnon
100% of the proceeds are going directly to BabyQuest. That's the IVF charity that I've been working with. They're absolutely phenomenal organization. They're helping families who are struggling with with the insane costs of ivf. And we're going to help them, okay? We're trying to help take care some of that burden off of people. Now if you can't pull up to
Alex Media
the event, you can still support it by grabbing the Andrew Schultz and Neuro dad bundle.
Mark Gagnon
Okay?
Alex Media
You get the energy and focus gum
Mark Gagnon
and the sleep and recharge gum so you got the energy for the day and then you got some sleep when you're ready to get that rest.
Alex Media
And every dollar that you guys support,
Mark Gagnon
support is going to go to the cause. And I mean that sincerely. This is something obviously very near and dear to my heart to many different people who've went through this process. So any support that you guys can give is absolutely amazing.
Alex Media
So whether you play paddle, you just
Mark Gagnon
want to help people that are trying to become parents. This is a really good one to get behind the Life Paddle Classic.
Alex Media
June 4 Paddle House in Dumbo, Brooklyn. Come hang man, come compete, repeat, support the cause.
Mark Gagnon
Let's just do something great together. I really, really appreciate you if, yeah, if you're just, you know, indulging in this in any way. So you can go to the link below, you get the Andrew Schultz and Neurodad bundle and help us raise money for families going through IVF. Remember, every single dollar goes directly to BabyQuest. There are limited quantities available. So do not wait. Go to neurogum.com pages Schultz and be part of something that actually, actually changes lives. Hopefully creates many, many, many lives. And we'll be continuing to do more with Baby Quest and a huge shout out to Paddle House for hosting it there. It's an absolutely amazing place to go play paddle. You guys should do that outside of this, this charity event, but definitely come hang out the chair event. Have some drinks, have some food, chew some Neuro gum and just hang. So June 4th, that's what we're going to be. We'll see. See you there. Real value shows up in reliability. You don't have to second guess. Like a set of Firestone all season tires. They're designed to deliver confidence inspiring wet weather traction and a quieter ride no matter the road. Season after season. Firestone all season tires for durability you can count on, just like people count on you. Firestone always dependable since 1900.
Miles Media
Okay, let's just go feelings on facts and just rip through these as fast as possible. Okay? There's a Chinese spy. That's the mayor in a town in California.
Mark Gagnon
Did you hear about this Arcadia?
Andrew Schultz
I've been trying to tell y'.
Miles Media
All.
Alex Media
Yo, can we give out a little credit?
Andrew Schultz
Come on, man.
Alex Media
Give out a little credit.
Mark Gagnon
On this podcast right now, today, everybody listening, everybody watching. Alex Media has said that there is a Chinese spy network that has been operating in the United States for the last decade. That he's been on his podcast. He's been called racist for this. He's been called hateful for this.
Andrew Schultz
I don't know if all that, but
Miles Media
they said you were a bigot.
Alex Media
He's been called a bigot.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
They got tunnels all throughout Chinatown. It's not just the Jews, bro.
Guest/Caller
Where did Al start his company?
Andrew Schultz
Hey, I'm switching sides. I told sh.
Alex Media
Like now they got that out of here. Al was probably the one who snitched.
Guest/Caller
No, I think Al's setting up wtf. Around the world
Miles Media
in the Chinese spy hub. You do have them in California.
Andrew Schultz
I do.
Miles Media
And you have them in New York.
Andrew Schultz
Dude, come on, man. Come on, man. But I'm switching sides. I don't care. I'm that gymnast taking a bat.
Miles Media
The skier?
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
Oh, skier.
Andrew Schultz
Whatever.
Alex Media
Whatever. I saw Eileen goo last week.
Andrew Schultz
Really?
Alex Media
She's definitely listening to the pod. Let me tell you that.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
Yo, shout out to you.
Alex Media
Get the bag, baby. She definitely listens to the pod.
Miles Media
W. You felt.
Alex Media
You felt this. Or. Or. Or she knew that her home girl
Mark Gagnon
was about to get outed as a spy in la. Oh, she was pissed as the mayor, so she was worried about the. The walls closing in a little bit.
Miles Media
The Great Wall.
Alex Media
The great Walls closing in, son.
Mark Gagnon
So what happens to this mayor?
Alex Media
She gets killed, right?
Miles Media
No, that's. I don't think.
Mark Gagnon
Isn't that treason?
Alex Media
Yeah, treason.
Miles Media
Do the death.
Alex Media
The punishment for treason is death.
Miles Media
Yeah, but what do you have to do to be treasonous?
Mark Gagnon
You have to be a Chinese spy.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, that's pretty much it.
Miles Media
That's not treason. That's if you're spy. If you get caught being a spy in a different country, is that treason? No.
Mark Gagnon
If you're an American citizen, which I assume she is because she's mayor of Arcadia, and then she's handing off secrets to the Chinese, you obviously have to kill her in the most Chinese way possible.
Alex Media
I think we got to run her
Mark Gagnon
over with a tank in the middle
Andrew Schultz
of a square first. Bind her feet up, though.
Alex Media
Bind her feet up so she can't move. Let me get a peep at them. And then we run her over with a tank and a square.
Mark Gagnon
Damn.
Alex Media
Guys, this is not like I'm just
Mark Gagnon
trying to be a constitutionalist.
Andrew Schultz
I'm America first.
Guest/Caller
The felony charges come with potential sentence of up to 10 years in prison.
Mark Gagnon
10 years for being a snitch?
Andrew Schultz
Not enough. They live mad long, bro.
Alex Media
That's exactly. It's not even a dent. 10 year. That's another thing. Your sentence should be dependent on how
Mark Gagnon
long you live in America.
Guest/Caller
Proportional taxing.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly.
Alex Media
So, like, Asians got to spend way longer.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
Black people. Not that.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, reduce it a little bit.
Miles Media
That's progressive policy, right? Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Well, because it's about equity, not equality.
Alex Media
Yeah, I like that. You know I like that.
Andrew Schultz
Mom, Donnie's American.
Alex Media
Clock it. Clock it.
Andrew Schultz
Stop it.
Alex Media
It's about equity, not equality.
Mark Gagnon
So if Asians average between 200 and
Alex Media
300 years of life, then a life sentence to them should be at least,
Mark Gagnon
like, five times the average. So this person right here, you're saying you can't just kill someone for treason?
Alex Media
I thought that is the punishment.
Miles Media
I don't know if that's.
Guest/Caller
I don't think she's going up on treason charges.
Miles Media
I don't know if she's a citizen. I can't even find a definitive.
Mark Gagnon
How the is she mayor if she's not a citizen?
Miles Media
Do you have to be a citizen?
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, I don't think so.
Mark Gagnon
What country do we live in?
Alex Media
You don't even have to be from here to be in public office.
Andrew Schultz
Arnold Schwarzenegger.
Mark Gagnon
He's a citizen.
Andrew Schultz
No, he's not.
Mark Gagnon
Arnold Schwarzenegger is not a citizen. Of course he's a citizen.
Andrew Schultz
He don't sound like one.
Mark Gagnon
Well,
Alex Media
What makes him with a citizen, Al? My mom.
Mark Gagnon
Well, yeah, she's a citizen. My mom got an accent.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, but she got it after the fact.
Mark Gagnon
What do you mean?
Alex Media
My mom got her Scottish accent after the. No, no, no.
Andrew Schultz
Like mad late.
Alex Media
She got a C. Yeah, but so did Arnold.
Mark Gagnon
He got a citizenship late.
Andrew Schultz
Check. Check the papers.
Guest/Caller
He got it in 1983.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah. 1983. He's a citizen, Al. And look at Eileen Wang or whatever her name is.
Miles Media
Why are they all named Eileen?
Mark Gagnon
Eileen and Esther. So when Chinese people move here, they take a biblical first name. You go, Peter is a good one. Mark Lucas.
Alex Media
You'll find a lot of, like, biblical
Mark Gagnon
first name and then Chinese as fuck. Last name. Yeah, Esther.
Alex Media
Huge.
Mark Gagnon
There's so many Chinese people named Esther or Asians named Esther. I think it's a smart move. It's like you're moving to a host country. You want to make sure that your kids are, like, not teased or whatever for your Chinese name.
Alex Media
Yes.
Miles Media
I don't think Eileen's a biblical name.
Alex Media
Eileen back so you could suck his dick. This thing is the best, bro. Come on, bro. Yo, Mar. Bring your grandma. Bring your grandma. While I'm leaning back. Bring your grandma. With all due respect, Let me just
Miles Media
do the rest of the story. This is stupid.
Alex Media
This is dumb, dude. Yo, the long play on. Damn. Woo.
Andrew Schultz
That was fire.
Mark Gagnon
All right.
Andrew Schultz
He knew that was for you too, because I ain't gonna know no biblical name.
Mark Gagnon
Still got it.
Alex Media
Still got it, baby. Still got it, Young Schultze. Still got it. Can we do some fillings? No facts. You gotta take a drug stack. Should we do so hold on. So what's gonna happen to this little
Mark Gagnon
Chinese finger trap in Los Angeles?
Alex Media
Does she get locked up? Like, we gotta have some sort of
Mark Gagnon
punitive measure taking place here.
Guest/Caller
Yeah, she'll make it 10 years. It's not treason. And that's all I got.
Andrew Schultz
I cannot. Can we revoke the citizenship?
Miles Media
I don't know if she's even a citizen, bro.
Mark Gagnon
I don't. Guys.
Alex Media
What?
Mark Gagnon
Do we have a country? Yeah, like, do we even have a country? You can.
Alex Media
You can be an elected official, and
Mark Gagnon
you're not even a citizen of the United States of America. What the is the point? So is she a citizen?
Miles Media
Nothing on this says she's a citizen.
Mark Gagnon
Can we look up Arcadia and see what's Asian or Chinese about it that we should have known?
Miles Media
Let's find out. Yeah, I don't even know really where Arcadia is.
Mark Gagnon
It's. It's like Los Angeles, but it's like outskirts. Oh, really?
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
Have you been there?
Mark Gagnon
No. I looked it on a map today. I zoomed out, looked at it.
Alex Media
Arcadia, California, is a city in Los
Mark Gagnon
Angeles county, the United States, located 13 miles northeast of downtown Los Angeles in the San Gabriel Valley at the base of the San Gabriel Mountains. It contains a series of adjacent parks consistent with the San Anita park race track.
Miles Media
Let's go through demographics.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Miles Media
Okay. It's looks like 18% white, 1.5% black, 64% Asian. 13%.
Alex Media
Okay.
Miles Media
No, no, we can't. This is America. You can't just bomb a place in America.
Alex Media
No, no. People got to know who you are.
Andrew Schultz
No, you can't. You can't. You can't do violence.
Alex Media
People got to know.
Andrew Schultz
Stop it.
Mark Gagnon
They got to know who you are.
Alex Media
Funny.
Guest/Caller
Al's rules about what he wants bleeped. Cuz his actual rule on that is he doesn't want the violence thing.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, it's violence, but nobody got a bomb even.
Alex Media
Like, nobody listening to this is going
Mark Gagnon
to hear your idea and then execute it. They're like, oh, yeah, we should bomb it.
Andrew Schultz
Like, and what if they do? Boom.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly. That will happen.
Andrew Schultz
Boom.
Mark Gagnon
That's
Miles Media
okay.
Andrew Schultz
The top of n. We got to
Miles Media
believe the top private employers in the city are Atlas Assembly, Fish bucket.
Alex Media
That made me
Miles Media
vision a bucket enterprise.
Andrew Schultz
That's real.
Miles Media
Nordstrom, Macy's, and Cheesecake Factory. Also, Din Tai Fung Son.
Alex Media
How the did we elect a Chinese
Mark Gagnon
fish head spy as mayor of a city in Los Angeles? How is that even humanly possible?
Andrew Schultz
They took over the whole city. Yeah, all sleepy cells.
Mark Gagnon
So you think it extends beyond just her? Oh, yeah. So you think there are other people in the administration that are also Chinese spies?
Andrew Schultz
Yes.
Alex Media
Like, why would it just be her?
Mark Gagnon
Yes, exactly.
Alex Media
I think we need to do some serious vetting.
Andrew Schultz
Yes.
Mark Gagnon
Why is nobody talking about this like this isn't a big deal?
Miles Media
Yeah, it's a little sketchy. Oof. I'm going through some of their last marriage. So Eileen Wang, Sharon Kwan, Michael Michael Chow, Paul Chang. Show tay. Show Tay again.
Andrew Schultz
The baseball player.
Miles Media
No show Teotani. Exactly. And then Roger Chandler.
Mark Gagnon
Yo, guys,
Andrew Schultz
funny timing because Trump's in China right now speaking to Jeff Xi Jinping.
Miles Media
Oh, really?
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
You think they waited for this?
Andrew Schultz
I think so. Funny timing.
Mark Gagnon
Now, does Trump bring it up to him now by weighted. Who is who waited?
Alex Media
Is this.
Mark Gagnon
Ooh, this is interesting. Is this the Trump administration going, hey, what the fuck is going on over here? We want a bargaining chip to get something out of you. We know that you're trying to, like, interfere with our democracy, so give us a little something. We won't make a big stink of this.
Andrew Schultz
This.
Mark Gagnon
Or is this democratic opposition trying to sabotage his trip with China?
Andrew Schultz
Oh, no, no, I think it's the first because he's going over there a little bit weak because of how shit is going with Iran right now. He kept signaling like oh, we're gonna have this shit figured out. And now it's not. So now China got a little pressure, like, yo, you fucking up this.
Mark Gagnon
You fucking it up. Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schultz
So now he's going over with. That's a little leverage point right there. It's like, oh, word. You got spies over here. Word.
Mark Gagnon
I mean, yo, shout out China, bro. That was impressive.
Miles Media
Game recognized game.
Alex Media
I keep telling you, it's like, it. This is how, this is how audacious it is.
Mark Gagnon
Like, if you were a spy, like, if we sent a spy over somewhere, I don't think you'd make them the mayor of the city.
Alex Media
You make them like the mayor's best friend or something.
Miles Media
But it's a tough sell everywhere else. Like, there's no, there's no America town in China. Probably not.
Andrew Schultz
We need. Need one.
Alex Media
Yo, it is crazy that, like, do your civil duty. If there was an American, if there
Mark Gagnon
was an American that had moved to another country and became a politician 1000%, that other country would assume they were a spy for America, right?
Alex Media
Like, there's not even a question because
Mark Gagnon
they already assume that we're influencing their elections even without being over there.
Alex Media
So if we were, they'd be like,
Mark Gagnon
100% they have loyalty. But if we question it at all, is racism, right?
Alex Media
Yeah, there is a. Like, but if I, I.
Mark Gagnon
If another country, if an American moved there and became an elected official, I
Alex Media
would think that they would be.
Mark Gagnon
To not assume that they had loyalty to America and that they were working on our behalf.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Alex Media
I wouldn't go, oh, that's racism to
Mark Gagnon
assume that they're an individual operating under their own auspices.
Alex Media
No, I'd be like, yeah, they make sense. If they weren't working for us, I'd be like, the.
Mark Gagnon
Are they over there for. Yeah.
Miles Media
Boris Johnson.
Andrew Schultz
You mad at this little ski a bitch for taking their money?
Alex Media
I'm not mad at nobody. I'm just curious. What does Tucker say? I was asking questions.
Miles Media
Yeah. Boris Johnson, born in New York City, had U. S. Citizenship and then became prime minister of the UK and announced his citizenship. Got him.
Alex Media
Oh, got him.
Miles Media
Daniel Naboa.
Andrew Schultz
No, but he denounces citizenship, though.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, but you gotta do what you gotta do to lead the. Lead the nation. Oh, okay.
Miles Media
Born in Miami, holds Ecuadorian U. S. Citizenship, Became president of Ecuador in 2023.
Mark Gagnon
That I understand.
Miles Media
Pope Leo, US born from Chicago, became the pope and now is the president of the Vatican. That's pretty cool.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, but don't you.
Andrew Schultz
He's kind of getting sun, though. Trump is Kind of sunning his thing.
Miles Media
Trump knows the Bible better. That's what the dude said on what you call it, something he's like, yeah, obviously the Pope doesn't know what's in the Bible. Trump knows what's in the Bible.
Mark Gagnon
No, he did not say that.
Miles Media
He said, like, based off of the rhetoric going on, obviously Trump must know more about Christianity.
Mark Gagnon
The Pope sarcastically or dead serious?
Miles Media
He's being serious.
Andrew Schultz
Yo, what is going on?
Alex Media
That's a hard job to just cap for that motherfucker. Just let it go, man. He's fucking up everything. Just call it what it is.
Mark Gagnon
Like, you don't have to fucking cap for this dude. Like, I see that guy Scott Jennings, he's losing hair. Do you know that guy was on cnn? And his job to just be like, everything Trump is doing is right. You could tell he is stressed.
Alex Media
He's cursing at little teenagers they got
Mark Gagnon
out there arguing him.
Alex Media
Every new CNN guy is young. Younger than the last one.
Miles Media
Yeah, right.
Alex Media
He's like a 14 year old putting his finger in his face and get your hands out of my face. Like, he's stressed. He's dressed because there's no way, like, how open the street
Miles Media
anyway. Are you gonna go to Arcadia for any shows coming up?
Mark Gagnon
I gotta perform in Arcadia. Yeah, I'm going there for Chinese New Year.
Alex Media
What was that Chinese New Year celebration? Do you think they leaned in or
Mark Gagnon
do you think they, like, they made it quiet because they're like, yo, we were already running this. No, they probably went also. What's in Arcadia that's advantageous to the Chinese government? Is there a research lab there?
Miles Media
They say it has one of the best transit systems in California.
Guest/Caller
All right, we're in.
Miles Media
It's known for its light rail and its buses fire.
Alex Media
They're good at making railroads.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, I would.
Mark Gagnon
I would give it up to them in that regard. Historically speaking, they made some good railroads.
Miles Media
Some of the best.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. They also have any rare metals and.
Miles Media
Any rare metals.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, they gotta have some stuff over here.
Miles Media
They have a great healthcare system. 22 acre Arcadia Hospital. It's an official hospital.
Mark Gagnon
All right.
Alex Media
Some dick sucking China.
Andrew Schultz
I know.
Mark Gagnon
God.
Miles Media
I'm just saying.
Andrew Schultz
What's going on?
Miles Media
They're good nurses too, apparently.
Andrew Schultz
No, check the hospitals. They probably got all the under.
Mark Gagnon
They got some deals going on over
Miles Media
there and they have some famous people that have moved out of there. Like Erica Wu, a table tennis champion.
Mark Gagnon
Obviously. That's pretty good.
Miles Media
Mark Twan, member of the South Korean boy band, got D7. Jet Li, international film star, resided In Arcadia with his wife, former Miss China.
Mark Gagnon
Yo, he was asking to come on the pod.
Miles Media
We gotta talk to him about this. Yo, we gotta reach out to him and see what's going on.
Andrew Schultz
I'm with that.
Mark Gagnon
I'll press him. How would you press the guy who's like a martial artist?
Andrew Schultz
I'm gonna throw miles in front of me.
Alex Media
Let's talk, okay?
Miles Media
Can we do more feelings on facts?
Andrew Schultz
Yes.
Guest/Caller
Okay.
Miles Media
Hant of virus.
Mark Gagnon
Fake Alex.
Andrew Schultz
Real
Alex Media
idiot.
Mark Gagnon
I don't think it's real.
Andrew Schultz
People died already.
Mark Gagnon
No, they didn't.
Andrew Schultz
Yes, he did. Three people died.
Mark Gagnon
They're on a boat.
Alex Media
Let me tell you something. Three people died. Let me tell you something. Nobody's getting off that boat.
Andrew Schultz
150 people got off the boat already.
Mark Gagnon
This is why we got pandemics.
Alex Media
This is why we got pandemics, guys. If there's a deadly virus on the boat, they stay on the boat. It's not like they can't eat on the boat.
Miles Media
It's not like.
Alex Media
Like they can't live quarantine until everybody
Mark Gagnon
dies, and then we don't have a pandemic.
Miles Media
This is the headline from CN cnn. All passengers evacuated from cruise ship hit by.
Alex Media
Why would you evacuate the people with the virus? China Got to be looking at this like these motherfuckers about to do it again. These dumb motherfuckers about to do it again.
Andrew Schultz
And you know where that's at? Spain. You know where I just came from.
Miles Media
Oh, come on. Yeah.
Alex Media
Patient number one, baby. Come on. Patient zero. Whatever. Just go.
Mark Gagnon
You not either.
Alex Media
You're not either.
Andrew Schultz
Nah.
Miles Media
Dies. Someone already died.
Alex Media
They are patient number one.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, but if I brought it here,
Alex Media
you just a side. You didn't even get the first herpes. You got some other bitches herpes?
Mark Gagnon
No. You got to keep them on the boat in perpetuity.
Alex Media
And if they make it, they make it. And God bless them if they don't.
Mark Gagnon
It'd be like that.
Miles Media
Just leave them on the boat.
Guest/Caller
Also, it's the Canary I Islands owned by Spain.
Mark Gagnon
It's Africa.
Andrew Schultz
Shut up.
Alex Media
Shut up. No, no, I think he's making a good point, which is like, would they
Mark Gagnon
unload them to Europe?
Alex Media
No.
Mark Gagnon
But will they unload them to Africa?
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, yeah, but Canary Islands is where all the Spanish people go to. That's their Miami.
Mark Gagnon
But they got to stop it.
Alex Media
They got to stop it.
Mark Gagnon
You're not allowed to go. I'm being dead serious, guys. Like, why are we being so loosey goosey with this? If it's a deadly violence virus, you Keep him on the boat. We see what happens. It's not like we shouldn't give them food.
Alex Media
Give them food.
Mark Gagnon
Give them doctors, whatever. But you just also.
Guest/Caller
Don't dock it. If we're. If we're doing this hypothetical. Don't put it at a dock.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, yeah, you out there.
Alex Media
Leave it out.
Guest/Caller
And then bring the food out and back. Like.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah.
Miles Media
The way the Dutch guy got it is hilarious.
Mark Gagnon
I told you how he got it.
Andrew Schultz
A rat.
Miles Media
He was a rat.
Andrew Schultz
You don't listen.
Miles Media
Apparently, he went to a trap trash dump on his vacation. And then. But he went to the trash dump first.
Alex Media
Okay.
Miles Media
That was like a part of his sightseeing. Why that part is not explained.
Guest/Caller
From what I understand, it is a landfill. And it says the world's most southern landfill because it's at the bottom of the continent.
Mark Gagnon
And he checked it out because it was in Argentina. Yeah, yeah.
Miles Media
And he was like, on my vacation. My wife. We're gonna go look at garbage.
Andrew Schultz
I blame y'.
Alex Media
All.
Andrew Schultz
Y' all white people always just gotta
Alex Media
look at that part like, y' all be doing this. Like, come on, bro.
Miles Media
That is on us.
Mark Gagnon
You're right.
Alex Media
I don't even know what to say.
Mark Gagnon
I'm embarrassed. Yeah.
Miles Media
Because I want to know what the
Alex Media
trash dump looks like. Like, a little party is like, yo, you're curious. I wish I wasn't, because it's so far.
Miles Media
I'm curious because you, like, there's no way they have trash this far south.
Alex Media
I also need to see. What, like an Argentinian trash?
Miles Media
What does it look?
Alex Media
It's just got, like, Nazi memorabilia in it?
Guest/Caller
No, the trash dump has a bunch of birds that come and pick food off of it. It's a birding site.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, God. With the white people and the birds, man,
Miles Media
look how cool this is.
Alex Media
Whoa.
Miles Media
That's fire. Isn't that sick? Do you want to see?
Andrew Schultz
No.
Miles Media
You don't even want. You're not even curious a little bit?
Andrew Schultz
No, not at all, guys. Not at all.
Alex Media
We need to do better.
Mark Gagnon
We need to do better. But you just leave them on the boat. All right, what else we got? Feelings. No. Facts.
Miles Media
Ok. UFO file has been dropped by Trump. Officially.
Andrew Schultz
Desperation.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
That's desperation, man. That's how you know he's up. I don't know.
Miles Media
I mean, yeah, people have not been super stoked about this file release, cuz it's nothing.
Mark Gagnon
It's just like black and white target practice. You could create it with AI. Like, nah, this is the.
Andrew Schultz
The Epstein binders.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
Whole lot of nothing.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, a whole lot of nothing.
Mark Gagnon
Whole lot nothing though. I would like to talk to a UFO guy cuz I want to understand, understand why they are so convinced it's real.
Alex Media
Like I spoke to that Bob Lazar
Mark Gagnon
dude and like he convinced me that what he believed, he convinced me that he wasn't lying. Now that doesn't mean that it is true what he was working on was UFO technology. But like I, I don't believe that he was a liar that was just trying to like grift and make money. Yeah. If anything, I believe that he like didn't really want to share it because he had like received so much backlash throughout his entire life.
Miles Media
Yeah, I didn't like Trump's tweet is a little. That's how I knew this bullshit. Why is Because Trump goes, as for my promise to you, the Department of War has released the first tranche of UFO UAP files to the public for view. People can decide for themselves what the hell is going on. Have fun and enjoy. That's when I was like, all right, the second you're signing off with like, have fun, I'm like, all right, you
Mark Gagnon
know, ain't nothing in there, bro. Release the second trunch of the Epstein files with all your homies.
Alex Media
Release that. Release the unredacted Epstein files.
Mark Gagnon
That's what we want to see. We don't want to see UFOs.
Miles Media
But what about this? You're not convinced when you look at this. What is that?
Mark Gagnon
Dude, it's a plane, bro.
Miles Media
All right, what about this one? Oh, that's a little weird. All right, well what about this one? This one's even crazier. Look at this.
Mark Gagnon
There AI.
Miles Media
Oh, aliens.
Mark Gagnon
Anyway, go on.
Miles Media
All right. They found a. Allegedly a suicide note from Epstein.
Mark Gagnon
You got to read this suicide note. Read the suicide note.
Miles Media
Let me pull it up, let me pull up.
Alex Media
You read the suicide note and tell
Mark Gagnon
me that Trump didn't write it himself.
Alex Media
I, I defy you to read the
Mark Gagnon
suicide note and tell me that this isn't exactly Trump's way of speaking.
Miles Media
So it says this. They investigated me for months, found nothing. So 15 year old charges resulted. It's a treat to be able to choose when you say goodbye. What you, what you want me to do? Bust out crying, no fun, underlined, not worth it.
Mark Gagnon
That's.
Miles Media
This is what.
Andrew Schultz
But I heard there was like other emails where he said similar.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, but like you don't think that they went through the emails and were like, hey, grab a few things he says regularly. And then we'll write some bullshit ass note that justifies that he killed himself.
Andrew Schultz
This administration, they do stupid shit. They don't like that sounds like that's stupid. No, but that sounds like the logical thing.
Alex Media
He wrote it in his own voice. Read it. I mean, I'm so.
Mark Gagnon
Like, we don't have to do Trump accents anymore, but, like, read it in his. In his voice. Do you have the actual writing?
Miles Media
Yeah, yeah, this is the actual note.
Mark Gagnon
No one can read that. Chicken scratch. Let me see if I can find the actual words that he says.
Miles Media
It's all broken up in this article.
Mark Gagnon
I know they don't understand how to do media, so I got it right here. Oh, God. I can't believe I'm gonna do a Trump accent. I'm not gonna do a Trump accent, but I'll do the tonation of it. They investigated me for months, found nothing.
Alex Media
Is a treat to be able to choose one's time to say goodbye.
Mark Gagnon
What you want me do to do?
Alex Media
Bust out crying?
Miles Media
No fun.
Mark Gagnon
Not worth it. Kill himself.
Miles Media
Thank you for attention to this matter.
Alex Media
Thank you for attention. It's just. That's a Trump tweet right there. So they just find some stuff in
Mark Gagnon
the emails, like, make it look like it.
Miles Media
Now, people have pointed at this where they're like, this is an actual Epstein letter that he wrote to someone. And they're like, look at all the T's.
Mark Gagnon
Look at how he writes. Yeah, but you could use AI to recreate all this.
Miles Media
But then they look at his writing here, and they're like, this doesn't look like his writing at all.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, because it's not. It's Cash Patel, and it's. I trying to stay on the line.
Alex Media
There's.
Mark Gagnon
Guys, this is such. I can't believe we're even not. I understand why we're entertaining this, but, like, I can't believe anybody believes.
Alex Media
Yeah, like what the whole thing is.
Mark Gagnon
Not the whole thing, but a big part of what this is hinging on is that he actually killed himself. Right? Like, they're. They're going, nothing.
Alex Media
There's no foul play here, even though there's sons of foul play.
Mark Gagnon
But look, there's proof right here. He has this thing where he says
Miles Media
goodbye, and it helps the powers that be to be like, yeah, he's gone. He killed himself.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly.
Alex Media
They're saying, get over it. We're not getting over it, bro. Someone got to get arrested.
Miles Media
I will say I do think it's possible that Epstein wrote it. It just doesn't read to me like a suicide, though. Like, he doesn't say goodbye to anyone. He doesn't say, like, to my friends, to my family. I love, like, nothing like that. He's just like, jail sucks. There was another note purportedly attributed to Epstein that was also found that basically is just like him recounting his time in prison. And he's like, was in a shower, locked for an hour, bugs crawling across my hands. No fun. Not worth is a.
Mark Gagnon
It's. I mean, it's not funny, but it is that. So far, the only person that's been arrested in the entire Epstein case in the United States of America is a woman.
Alex Media
Like, it's kind of. It's so absurd that it's funny. Like, there's. It's horrible. Like, let me just point this out that this absolutely horrible. But there's a pedophile ring that they're obviously like, keeping under wraps.
Miles Media
The most powerful men in this country are abusing children in a systematic manner. And you know who's going to pay for it?
Alex Media
The one woman involved is the only one locked up. It's insane, right? It is. Like, I'm shocked that all, like, the feminist blogs aren't talking about this non stop.
Miles Media
Like, it's a tough one.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, I know. It's like, because you also got to be like, free.
Alex Media
No, don't say free.
Mark Gagnon
It.
Alex Media
But like, how is this the only person arrested? The girl.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, yeah.
Miles Media
I mean, in fairness, Epstein did get arrested.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
But then he broke out.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
But then he went on the run.
Alex Media
Technically, the only person. Because it was Ghis.
Mark Gagnon
Convicted.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, yeah.
Alex Media
So the only person convicted in the entire operation.
Miles Media
Yes.
Mark Gagnon
Abroad and here. Yeah. Is a woman.
Alex Media
Like, how is. Like, that's an insane statistic. Yeah, yeah. As someone who does not like to enable people who talk about how sexist the world is, we've reached a rock and a hard place or something like that. Like, this seems blatantly sexist.
Miles Media
Yeah, yeah, it's a.
Alex Media
It's not one person convicted besides the woman involved.
Andrew Schultz
This is what happens when you have a girl, man. Softens you up, bro.
Alex Media
It does.
Miles Media
That is.
Alex Media
But that is crazy.
Andrew Schultz
No, it is nuts.
Alex Media
She should be convicted.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah, absolutely.
Alex Media
But there must have been somebody else
Mark Gagnon
we could convict too.
Miles Media
Yeah, well, the other dudes are also better at offing themselves. You know what I mean? John the Brunel offs himself.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, that's true.
Alex Media
What?
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. Women aren't as good as.
Mark Gagnon
At suicide.
Andrew Schultz
At suicide.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, that is a good point. Because they can't make up their minds,
Miles Media
like, what am I going to eat?
Alex Media
Which One is it.
Miles Media
I don't know what to eat.
Alex Media
They're ruminating back and forth.
Mark Gagnon
Do I to want.
Miles Media
I want to live?
Mark Gagnon
Do I want to die?
Alex Media
Do I want to hang?
Mark Gagnon
Do I want to shoot myself? Do I want to.
Alex Media
You know, it's like they can't make up their mind. So you end up in jail, locked up. You're just locked up, walking around the yard.
Miles Media
Yeah. Apparently she's having a great time, according to people on the inside.
Mark Gagnon
What are they saying?
Miles Media
They're saying that she's, like, in a very nice prison. People are taking care of her.
Guest/Caller
She gets to play with puppies.
Miles Media
Yeah. She's doing, like, therapy with dogs, trying to reintegrate back into society. So she's learned her.
Andrew Schultz
My wife
Alex Media
just locked inside of the dog.
Miles Media
So, yeah, justice won't be served.
Andrew Schultz
That is crazy, bro.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
They really going to get away with this.
Miles Media
They.
Alex Media
They really going to get.
Andrew Schultz
Get away with this.
Mark Gagnon
They need to lock up Mala, too. That's another one. Yeah, I did that. So poor. I did that so poorly.
Alex Media
I almost bit in the.
Miles Media
No, that would be so happy.
Mark Gagnon
So bad together. And then got me on Eileen.
Miles Media
Okay. More feelings. No facts.
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Miles Media
Strickland beats Hamza.
Mark Gagnon
What a fight. Crazy. Also, the fight before that, Joshua man versus the mayor of Arcadia. Unbelievable, dude. The fight, those two fights were fantastic. And the. But the Joshua van. I think his name is Tyro or something. Tyro was unbelievable.
Andrew Schultz
Believable. I didn't even see him.
Mark Gagnon
But then Strickland beating Hamzat.
Miles Media
Tedro.
Mark Gagnon
Tyro. Tyro. Yeah. Was incredible.
Andrew Schultz
Like, this was a lot of talking, like, real talking leading up to this one. Right.
Alex Media
And then they were, like, really cordial
Mark Gagnon
with one another afterwards. Put the belt around. Strickland goes and apologizes. Yeah. You know, like, Strickland is a fascinating character. Like, I mean, this fight was just
Andrew Schultz
Strickland put on some side.
Alex Media
So Strickland's big, dude.
Andrew Schultz
He looks even.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Hamza couldn't. I mean, Hamza kept him down. I think it was the first round, and. But he couldn't really do any damage or anything. And then Strickland, in the second round, blocks a takedown. And then Hamza gives up.
Alex Media
He.
Mark Gagnon
What's called, pulls guard. So he essentially goes on his back, like, almost walking. So I don't know if I've ever seen Hamza do that in mma. Like, not a single fight where he just rolls on his back. And in that moment, you're going, what the is happening over here? Does he lack confidence? Is he tired? Like, what's going on.
Alex Media
Then Hamza kind of comes back in the fourth.
Mark Gagnon
So it was up to the fifth round. Like, it was a. It was an awesome fight. These guys are warriors.
Andrew Schultz
And, yeah, wasn't trying to take him down the whole fight.
Mark Gagnon
I think Strickland created a scenario where Hamza realized, like, I'm going to gas myself out trying to take you down, and I'm not going to be effective after I take you down. So Strickland does this amazing thing where he makes you. When he's at his best, he makes you fight his fight. He blocks leg kicks really well, and eventually you stop throwing the kicks because you're like, it hurts when we're going shin on shin. And his competitive advantage is when you guys are standing up and you are punching each other. And he found a way where he's like, I don't need to take this to the ground. What I need you to do is think you can't be effective on the ground. I don't need to exchange kicks with you. What I need you to do is not want to kick me anymore.
Alex Media
So he punishes you for doing the
Mark Gagnon
things you're good at and then forces you to fight him the way that he's good.
Andrew Schultz
Oh, okay.
Mark Gagnon
And. And then he has just this, like, amazing, like, piston jab. And it was just awesome. Like, the fight was awesome.
Miles Media
Is it good for the weight class to see Strickland?
Mark Gagnon
I think. I think it's always good to have a American fighter be a belt holder, especially like a wild boy. I know people will hate certain things that he said, etc. Like, I mean, bro, his nose is completely busted up. Like, broken and just massive and swollen. And he looks at himself and he sees himself in, like, a reflection of something. He was like, oh, my God, I look like I work for apac.
Alex Media
So, like, there's going to be things
Mark Gagnon
that he says that wrap people up.
Alex Media
But you have to understand, like, this
Mark Gagnon
is fight sports, where these guys go out there and they try to kill each other.
Alex Media
You know what I mean? Like, they say insane to people.
Mark Gagnon
Like, this is. You want to talk about, like, the roast being insane stuff. These guys are saying insane stuff before they go out there and potentially lose their life or take someone's life. And that's not hypothesis, hyperbole. That happens sometimes in the sport. So I'm not saying that, like, everything they say is okay, but it is a very. When you're fighting somebody for your life, you will speak very differently about them and to them than you will outside of that. And it's going to elicit all these emotions. And it seemed like I'm justifying the things he said. Whatever. You don't care what you want to say. What I'm saying is, until you're in that scenario, I don't. You don't know how you would really act.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And the reality is, when these fights do get hyped up in that way, there's more interest and these guys make more money. Now you could start to, you know, be critical of that. Be like, well, is it worth making the money? It's like, all right, well, you're not putting your life on the line every time you go on the ring and the market decides. We are more invested when the guys hate each other.
Miles Media
Yeah, right.
Mark Gagnon
When the guys are super pleasant and like, let's shake hands and let's hug and kiss before a fight, we don't care as much.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
That's honestly the only thing I heard about this was the build up. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And the build up was crazy.
Miles Media
People have criticized, like, the grapplers and they're like, oh, these grapplers, like, they make the fights boring.
Alex Media
Yeah, it is. It is.
Mark Gagnon
For the. For a casual fan, it is boring. It is. It's like, I understand if you're a grappler and you've dedicated your life to that, that's super interesting to you because it's incredibly technical and like, each tiny move is setting up another move. And that's great. And the point is to win and they win. But what the casual fan likes is carnage and fisticuffs and kicks. They really kind of want a kickboxing match that can also go to the ground. That's kind of what the casual fan really appreciates. So, like, having someone who's going to go out there and swing is. Is what they want. And, like, the people that have done that at the highest level are the people that probably have made the most money. Like, you know, Conor, just knocking people out is really fun to watch the heavyweights just going and bang and knock people out. Fun. Fun to watch the guys kind of wrestling or the guys, you know, grappling. It's. They're just not going to be as big stars. Yeah.
Andrew Schultz
That bare knuckle fighting that he was watching, when they're biting people's dogs off, that was like, can that ever be sanctioned?
Mark Gagnon
Well, I think they do it bare knuckles. So the BKFC is the bare knuckle league.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah. But with the Biden, like, all the.
Alex Media
Everything goes.
Mark Gagnon
Why is there just.
Miles Media
We can't do that.
Andrew Schultz
There should just be one fight fight league where anything goes.
Mark Gagnon
I mean, they have these, like.
Miles Media
You're describing Rome right now.
Alex Media
No, it's not even.
Mark Gagnon
It's not even Rome. There is one. There are these underground fights. I'm forgetting the name. You guys probably seen it where, like, the guys, they fight in, like, a parking lot or, like, an alley or something like that. And these guys that organize it, all the organizers wear masks and they have their, like. I think they might even have their, like, voices up or whatever. And they're like, it's like an illegal fight ring. And they just pay guys who are willing to do it. You can gouge eyes. Like, you literally see guys pushing each other's eyeballs into their heads.
Miles Media
Damn.
Mark Gagnon
And you see it. I don't know how it's available on YouTube, but I watch it on social media.
Andrew Schultz
Get the out of here. That's.
Mark Gagnon
Wow.
Miles Media
Yeah, that's.
Mark Gagnon
So that does exist, and that's the most gnarly version of it.
Miles Media
Maybe I'm getting too soft.
Alex Media
That's not.
Mark Gagnon
It's hard to. It's hard to watch, but I watch that.
Andrew Schultz
Just follow it with some Coco melo.
Alex Media
Yeah. Wash it down.
Andrew Schultz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Miles Media
Well, any. Any closing thoughts? Anything you want to say about Cocomelon or the roast or the Knicks or Haunted virus?
Mark Gagnon
Just good vibes for the Knicks, guys. Just good vibes.
Andrew Schultz
Good vibes. Good vibes.
Mark Gagnon
All we want is good vibes for the Knicks. Okay. Congratulations to Sean on that amazing victory.
Alex Media
Hantavirus.
Mark Gagnon
You got to keep them on the ship, man. I really, really, really feel strongly about that. I do.
Miles Media
And film it. Turn to reality show, honestly, streaming on Bravo, Right?
Andrew Schultz
I'd watch that.
Miles Media
Right?
Alex Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
We should do a Traders with just Chinese people.
Alex Media
And you gotta pick out which mayor.
Mark Gagnon
Which mayor or which Olympic skier, whatever.
Alex Media
Like, you gotta pick out which one
Mark Gagnon
are actually loyal to the United States of America and which ones are working for China.
Andrew Schultz
I like this idea.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Alex Media
This is a.
Miles Media
That's honestly pretty good. And they're all in a boat.
Mark Gagnon
Let's not get too crazy.
Miles Media
One person is haunted virus.
Alex Media
We're going to see who has it. You're adding a lot of elements to this.
Mark Gagnon
Right.
Miles Media
It's layered. Super layered.
Mark Gagnon
It is layered.
Miles Media
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
It is layered.
Miles Media
And then UFO files. Hopefully we get the, you know, proof that there's aliens.
Alex Media
Yeah.
Miles Media
And then the roast. I hope we do more.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. The roasts are fantastic. Congratulations, everybody. Who crushed on the roast? You gave me unbelievable FOMO and. And keep killing it. Yeah. I think we just need more rose
Alex Media
I also like the idea of, like,
Mark Gagnon
every other year because they didn't do one last year.
Alex Media
You know what I mean?
Mark Gagnon
Like, spacing them out is kind of nice, too, because you. It feels like an event. Yeah.
Alex Media
If it's too regular, I feel like
Mark Gagnon
you kind of get used to it. Also, like, roast jokes kind of start to sound similar, you know, so just, like, spacing out a little bit so we forget we miss it. And then banger. And now you got two years to get, you know, tiger to do it or somebody else to do it.
Alex Media
I like that.
Mark Gagnon
I like that. Like, the Olympics is great. It's every four years. The World cup is great. It's every four years. You could even go every four years.
Miles Media
Yo, an inter country roast. You get one comment from every country.
Andrew Schultz
We don't give a about the non. Come on.
Mark Gagnon
I don't want to.
Miles Media
What if we got Eileen?
Alex Media
Why would you even wang Eileen Wang. Mayor, the joke we did already so
Andrew Schultz
mad he got caught.
Miles Media
That's just so dumb. It's not.
Alex Media
Yo, we love you. We appreciate you. We see you on Patreon. Peace.
Date: May 13, 2026
Hosts: Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, AlexxMedia, Mark Gagnon, Miles Media
This episode of Flagrant is a whirlwind blend of comedy, razor-sharp commentary, and unsparing riffs on current events. The gang dives into reactions from Netflix's recent roast (Kevin Hart Roast at Netflix is a Joke Fest), the perils (and comedic absurdities) of parenting and travel, cultural gripes, bizarre viral threats, and the latest on the Knicks' playoff run. True to Flagrant’s name, the episode is unapologetically provocative, full of hilarious hot takes that dance right on the boundaries of taste.
(00:40–13:18)
(09:55–16:12)
(13:15–17:00, 80:12–83:46)
(19:02–25:00)
(25:00–44:58, 101:13–101:55)
(48:23–54:52)
(65:02–75:59)
(85:53–91:40)
(92:29–98:47)
(99:19–end)
| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |--------------|----------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 03:33 | AlexxMedia | "Imagine your first time trying any drug is fentanyl…there was no gateway, just CocoMelon." | | 06:43 | Mark Gagnon | "Yeah, but it's a flight...without the kids." | | 10:59 | Andrew Schulz | "$500 later, I’m embarrassed. And I drove away with a fake Rolex." | | 12:11 | Mark Gagnon | [On biting off flesh in fights] "I swallow it so he remembers the fight he had with me." | | 19:13 | AlexxMedia | "Once you have kids, your wife’s tits is for the streets, bro." | | 23:15 | Mark Gagnon | "For me, it’s like seeing a foot is like a Muslim dude seeing hair." | | 25:47 | Andrew Schulz | "But then what? She's gonna be a pussy and be like, 'No, it bothers me?'" | | 27:04 | Mark Gagnon | "For the general public, having an environment for super dark, Roasty, borderline aggressive comedy is nice when it exists within a specific forum." | | 37:10 | Tony Hinchcliffe | "Chelsea Handler is aging like a vegetable in Lizzo's fridge, son." | | 52:09 | AlexxMedia | "Do not drain these guys, please. New York hoes—stay away, keep that p***y closed for one month. This is blood sport." | | 65:12 | AlexxMedia | "Alex Media has said that there is a Chinese spy network… He’s been called racist, hateful."| | 76:05 | Mark Gagnon | "If an American moved there and became an elected official, I would think that they would be...to not assume that they had loyalty to America?"| | 87:34 | AlexxMedia | [reading Epstein suicide note] "What do you want me to do? Bust out crying? No fun. Not worth it."| | 89:23 | AlexxMedia | "So far, the only person that’s been arrested in the entire Epstein case in the United States of America is a woman."| | 94:59 | Mark Gagnon | "When he’s at his best, he makes you fight his fight." |
All topics are tackled with brutal honesty, sarcasm, and a “no topic untouchable” attitude. The hosts constantly riff, roast each other, and dig deep into both societal norms and current events, always with humor as the entry point and provocation as the underlying engine.
If you miss the days of comedians actually being funny, fearless, and offensive, this episode is perfect. Do not listen if you’re easily upset—no topic escapes ridicule, and sensitivities are left at the door.
This summary covers all the laughs, takes, and controversies—so you can get all the headline-grabbing moments, jokes, and cultural dissections without sifting through hours of podcast.