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Ralph Barbosa
And we're back, everybody. I'm Ralph Barbosa, and I'm going to be taking over flavor today.
Andrew Schulz
Hell, yeah.
Akash Singh
Let's go, baby.
Ralph Barbosa
Calm down. First time. We're going to make it.
Andrew Schulz
This is your camera.
Akash Singh
This is your camera.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, this is my camera.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Also.
Ralph Barbosa
What are we back from commercial break?
Mark Gagnon
This is the start of the episode.
Andrew Schulz
Start of the episode, dude.
Ralph Barbosa
Well, welcome, everybody.
Andrew Schulz
Hey, Ralph Barbosa is on the episode. Let's go, superstar.
Ralph Barbosa
What are we talking about today?
Andrew Schulz
You, man, you. Whatever else you want to talk about. I heard George Lopez loves you. Favorite. Your favorite comment comic.
Ralph Barbosa
Probably me and George Lopez will be starring in the new Street Fighter movie. So.
Mark Gagnon
I think that's just a street fight. I think.
Ralph Barbosa
It'S fighted.
Andrew Schulz
Yo, so you got a new special. Just came out last Friday.
Ralph Barbosa
As.
Andrew Schulz
As of the time.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, yeah, that's Friday. My special.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I heard it's. I heard it's killing it, dude. Crazy numbers.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, numbers are world.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
It's the greatest special ever made.
Andrew Schulz
What's it called? You want to plug it?
Ralph Barbosa
It's called Planet Bosa.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
And it's on Hulu, so.
Ralph Barbosa
Hulu, not Netflix. It's a Dragon Ball Z ripoff name. It's like they have Planet Vegeta.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, I was wondering what that was.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, like, Planet Bolson.
Andrew Schulz
That was kind of stretch. I'm going to be honest. It wasn't that clear.
Ralph Barbosa
It was definitely not that clear.
Mark Gagnon
But it always makes sense. The trailer had, like, you know, like.
Ralph Barbosa
Some, like, video game.
Mark Gagnon
Video game animation. You hit the. You know, the Dragon Ball?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, no, no. I hit.
Akash Singh
I hit.
Ralph Barbosa
The Kamehameha was the last special.
Mark Gagnon
I didn't know you were such a little weeaboo.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, nah.
Mark Gagnon
You're a weeaboo, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
Not really.
Mark Gagnon
What is a weeaboo?
Akash Singh
I'm old.
Mark Gagnon
A weeaboo. That is a white person that's obsessed with, like, Japanese Asian culture.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm not obsessed. I don't even know the name of my favorite sushi spot.
Fahim Anwar
He ain't saying he's not white, though.
Andrew Schulz
That's.
Mark Gagnon
It.
Ralph Barbosa
You got to take every, like, opportunity to be white.
Andrew Schulz
What are you doing? Now that you got all this money, you got all this fame, How's. How's life different? You came on here 20, 23, I think it was, and you were just starting your crazy rise.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Which is fire. I'm glad we see you both. So how's. How things changed? How's life changed?
Ralph Barbosa
You know what's crazy is I'm. I Made so much money from then to now. But today I have the same amount of money I had when I first came on here.
Andrew Schulz
But what, you live with your pops?
Ralph Barbosa
Facebook Marketplace, brother.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
How many.
Mark Gagnon
How many defills?
Ralph Barbosa
Horrible negotiator.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
What does it look like? Like, how often you on Facebook Marketplace looking at cars?
Ralph Barbosa
Be honest. All the time.
Mark Gagnon
Every day.
Ralph Barbosa
And I love to be the guy who like blesses people. Cuz you're on Marketplace. You know how it is. Everybody's lowballing you. I love to be the guy that's like, I'll give you $10,000 extra. Why n. I won't do that. I won't.
Mark Gagnon
I'm like Ash's Indian. Inside of him is getting so angry.
Andrew Schulz
I couldn't handle it. Wait, so what are you spending money on? I know whips. But like how many cars you got?
Ralph Barbosa
So the first time I came out here, I had a few cars and I was really proud of like I have like this low mileage Impala and stuff. But I've discovered. I don't like that. I've discovered I'm more into the marketplace junk that we can like turn into something, you know? Yeah, I.
Damian Lemon
What kind of junk?
Ralph Barbosa
Junk, like junk, bro. Like. Like I bought a 1976 Camaro. Not even like a Z28.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, real trash.
Ralph Barbosa
Real trash.
Mark Gagnon
It sounds awesome.
Ralph Barbosa
Autom, huh?
Damian Lemon
Four speed automatic. Like the worst version of it.
Ralph Barbosa
The worst.
Andrew Schulz
But I like that.
Ralph Barbosa
I like that it holds in the ground.
Andrew Schulz
This is very. This seems like white things.
Mark Gagnon
I'm saying.
Akash Singh
It's a weeaboo, bro.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This seems like what white people do. I was out in the Hamptons for a couple weeks. Very white place. And what they will do is buy old cars for while they're in the Hamptons and whip those around. And that's the flex.
Ralph Barbosa
That's the Hampton car.
Andrew Schulz
How shitty is your Hamptons car?
Akash Singh
Yeah. What?
Mark Gagnon
No, that's not shitty. It's not shitty.
Andrew Schulz
It is shitty though.
Ralph Barbosa
But are they like old, like classic? Are they like shitty but worth an.
Mark Gagnon
Electric fj or it's like just like it's an old Bronco.
Andrew Schulz
Like a 1988 Land Cruiser.
Ralph Barbosa
That's okay.
Andrew Schulz
It looks kind of tough.
Mark Gagnon
Completely refab. The interior is all redone. They're super.
Andrew Schulz
What are you talking about? Andrew's suv. He was like, where's the gear shift?
Mark Gagnon
His car is impossible to get. It's impossible to get.
Andrew Schulz
It's all esoteric. That kind of. What's ess? What'd you say?
Damian Lemon
It's like, all cars that are sort of hard to get, like, that are unique and low volume cars, they're still pieces of.
Ralph Barbosa
But they're. No, they're like, technically valuable. Yeah, but they're like.
Andrew Schulz
No, I don't think they're technically like.
Damian Lemon
A 90s defender is like 200k and everyone out there wants one of those.
Ralph Barbosa
Is Michelle Pfeiffer still alive?
Andrew Schulz
That's a great question.
Mark Gagnon
Yes, I'm gonna say. Yes, I'm gonna say.
Ralph Barbosa
When I see these cars, I think of, like, Michelle Pfeiffer, like, in her time.
Andrew Schulz
Like, she was.
Ralph Barbosa
This was.
Andrew Schulz
She was joint.
Ralph Barbosa
It was. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, like, you still have to respect the beauty.
Andrew Schulz
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
You still gotta respect that it's a Michelle Pfeiffer car. Is this even though today I wouldn't.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Stop it, Ralph. You're not gonna. Come on, let's get Michelle. Let's get Michelle today, though.
Andrew Schulz
No, I think she aged as a woman is allowed to age naturally.
Ralph Barbosa
Jamie Poole.
Andrew Schulz
She didn't do get no work done. But I'm not. I'm not taking a run at it.
Ralph Barbosa
But I just did Rogan's podcast her.
Fahim Anwar
As Catwoman made me start liking white women.
Andrew Schulz
No, Ralph, Ralph, how is being single at this?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, I'm single, but I'm in love.
Akash Singh
Oh, yeah?
Andrew Schulz
With whom?
Ralph Barbosa
I can't say.
Andrew Schulz
Why not? Dude, wait, hold on.
Ralph Barbosa
She doesn't love me back, bro.
Andrew Schulz
Can you wait? Sorry, I forgot your name already. Gabriel. Can you.
Ralph Barbosa
Abraham.
Andrew Schulz
Abraham. Oh, my bad, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
He's so rich, bro.
Mark Gagnon
People's names are like, yeah, he just makes it up.
Ralph Barbosa
He's like, abraham. He's like, gabriel.
Andrew Schulz
I know. I'm just old, dude.
Mark Gagnon
I'm full. He's like, eric, and he's too nice. He almost accepted. He's like, yes, sir.
Akash Singh
Damian.
Andrew Schulz
Tell us a little bit.
Ralph Barbosa
Please, please do that to him because. Because he needs a comeback story. This is going to be in the NFL one day, hopefully soon.
Akash Singh
Word.
Andrew Schulz
What happened?
Ralph Barbosa
Nothing happened.
Akash Singh
It's.
Fahim Anwar
It's in the process.
Ralph Barbosa
What do you mean? What happened? Did he already look like he missed his shot?
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
See the way you said it? You said comeback story. Dude, why you putting that on me.
Ralph Barbosa
As the comeback story? As in, like, when he makes it big, he's going to come back here and be like.
Andrew Schulz
All right, Aaron, so tell us a little bit. What's. What's going on with Ralph's love life? He's in love with some girl. Unrequited love.
Akash Singh
I can't.
Ralph Barbosa
I can't say much, but Then why.
Andrew Schulz
The we give you a microphone, Dimitri?
Ralph Barbosa
I can't be a seller to my guy, bro. You see, he's a loyal friend. Why he's on the team.
Mark Gagnon
How many cars he buy you to keep this silence?
Fahim Anwar
Zero.
Mark Gagnon
But he fixes my car. Oh, there you go.
Ralph Barbosa
Thanks to Mexican.
Mark Gagnon
He needs it right now, bro. He's sweating my ac.
Ralph Barbosa
My AC got messed up.
Mark Gagnon
I didn't know the.
Ralph Barbosa
The Dallas heat was real, and he warned me, but.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Where'd you come from?
Ralph Barbosa
California.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, Dallas heat is different.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Sucks.
Andrew Schulz
And now when I go back, I'm like, I can't do that. I don't. I used to say I'm gonna move back, and now I'm like that.
Ralph Barbosa
Now you're in the Hamptons, driving Michelle Pfeiffer around.
Mark Gagnon
It's crazy how fast it changes, right?
Andrew Schulz
It switches up quick.
Mark Gagnon
Wait, so where's this girl? She live in. In.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't want to talk about it. No more dating. Life has been fun, Abraham. Life is cool.
Andrew Schulz
I'm not trying to threaten you. All I'm saying is I do have the number to ice.
Mark Gagnon
Hey, bro, they want me here and there.
Damian Lemon
You can't get me here.
Fahim Anwar
I'm legal in both countries.
Ralph Barbosa
Citizenship.
Akash Singh
He can't lose.
Andrew Schulz
I heard Trump is trying to take that shit away.
Ralph Barbosa
The dual citizenship for everybody.
Andrew Schulz
You got to choose up. That's what I heard. You getting dual citizenship.
Fahim Anwar
I know, but it's still fine for Trump to do that. It's like, nah, you got to choose one.
Andrew Schulz
If you.
Ralph Barbosa
If you. If like, you had to pick a country to be the next, like, superpower, like, the place everyone go. Everyone goes to to get jobs, what would you want to do?
Akash Singh
India.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's what I think it's going to be.
Ralph Barbosa
You for real?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
N. India's doing that good right now.
Mark Gagnon
I like you talk about, like, you said NFL team. Like, wait, who they get, who they get?
Andrew Schulz
A long way to go, but they're on the come up.
Ralph Barbosa
They had a long.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Build some factories.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah. China might be before India, but I think India's going to outlast.
Ralph Barbosa
But, like, if it was up to you, you choose India.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
What else would I choose?
Mark Gagnon
You can, like, where I want it to be or where I think it's going to be.
Ralph Barbosa
Where you want it to be.
Mark Gagnon
I don't know, bro. It's got to be a place with dreams. People got to believe that it can happen. And it's also got a place with nice weather. That's What?
Ralph Barbosa
I want Spain.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Southern. What if we just run it back? Because Spain used to run all the shit.
Ralph Barbosa
Spain used to run shit.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Back in the. I thought you were.
Mark Gagnon
Why do you think you speak Span Ish?
Andrew Schulz
Joe said he was. You said he was a history guy.
Ralph Barbosa
I. You.
Andrew Schulz
You're talking about the history of Australia.
Akash Singh
When.
Andrew Schulz
Talking about the history of Australia, you were talking about the Boston Tea Party at the podcast in la.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, yeah. Oh, you know about the Boston Tea Party?
Fahim Anwar
You switched up on us, bro.
Andrew Schulz
Do I know about the Boston Tea Party? I have an idea of it.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like. I feel like that's one of the. It's because the Boston Tea Party, like, if you really think about it, like on social media these days, they don't make white people look good. Mark. I'm sorry, what do you mean? White people did this and white people did that back in the day. Right.
Andrew Schulz
I agree.
Mark Gagnon
That is true.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Make white history look so bad.
Mark Gagnon
Thank you.
Ralph Barbosa
But you guys had cool ass moments like the Boston Tea Party.
Mark Gagnon
Yes.
Akash Singh
Right. Yes.
Ralph Barbosa
Because of taxes and.
Akash Singh
Right, Exactly.
Ralph Barbosa
Something like that.
Akash Singh
Civil War, right?
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know about Civil War.
Mark Gagnon
Well, half of us look good. Half of us look pretty good.
Andrew Schulz
Half of them look. Yeah, that half gets lost. It's a real.
Akash Singh
Hey, hey.
Andrew Schulz
We look at the Civil War as a real glass half empty kind of situation, isn't it? You know what I mean? What about the other. What about the water?
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Which you guys were waiting exactly.
Fahim Anwar
What half? What half are you talking.
Mark Gagnon
I'm Canadian, bro. That's what, like, people would come up there for. For refuge.
Fahim Anwar
Okay.
Mark Gagnon
And we would take y' all in.
Andrew Schulz
So Boston Canadian, it's a Boston Tea Party cool moment to you because I.
Ralph Barbosa
Think that was cool because a bunch of Boston dudes, you know, just mad as that the check said Ned and then. Gross.
Mark Gagnon
They got a versus deal. Like the.
Ralph Barbosa
Let's go dump this gas tea in the water. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Doug, coffee from now on.
Ralph Barbosa
And you know what? Great Britain was just like, they doing and start fighting while I was watching this one video. Because I'm. I'm not really a history buff, but I'm trying to, you know, gain up my knowledge here. And I was watching this video on like. Like how. How, like a bunch of war started and.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, like which ones?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, there was like World War I. It started with, like World War II. It was like, how did that one start? And the video was like, well, to understand how that one started, you got to understand why World War I started. And then in that that video, that dude was like, if you gotta understand how this one started, you gotta understand like the Seven Years War and then the French Revolution.
Andrew Schulz
That's too much. See, now you're losing. This is my theory.
Ralph Barbosa
They lost me on all.
Mark Gagnon
This is my theory on history is that like, to understand any war right now, you got to go back to the first one to the. Back to the other one. There's only ever been one war, you.
Akash Singh
Know what I mean?
Ralph Barbosa
Which.
Mark Gagnon
Which was just life. You know what I mean? Like, I understand.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, aren't you.
Andrew Schulz
Okay? Because Genghis. I gotta study fucking Genghis Khan to see how Trump got elected?
Mark Gagnon
Unfortunately, yes.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I mean, like, what is that?
Mark Gagnon
It's so annoying to understand the Middle east right now. You got to go back to World War II when it all got carved up.
Andrew Schulz
But that's not that far back.
Mark Gagnon
But then to understand World War II, you got to go to World War I.
Akash Singh
Okay?
Mark Gagnon
And then to understand that, you got to understand the scramble one.
Andrew Schulz
That's the one.
Akash Singh
All right.
Andrew Schulz
From there forward from that guy getting shot. What's his name?
Mark Gagnon
Franz Ferdinand, Archduke.
Ralph Barbosa
Who the fuck is that?
Mark Gagnon
Dude, you're the one that saw the video.
Andrew Schulz
So apparently I don't know. He's going to know better than me. He'll give you in depth. We need a history expert on this pod. But Franz Ferdinand was the Archduke of Prussia. Prussia, which didn't even know a thing anymore. His assassination.
Akash Singh
What.
Ralph Barbosa
Where was. Where were they at?
Mark Gagnon
Fact check me.
Ralph Barbosa
Near Russia.
Mark Gagnon
They were biting Russia heavy. They were like, we need a name for this.
Damian Lemon
Austria hungry.
Mark Gagnon
Austria, Hungary.
Andrew Schulz
Dude, he got shot and that's what kicked off. That was like the thing that kicked off World War I and then World War I kicked off World War II. That one I know about because we were.
Ralph Barbosa
I saw on the video that Great Britain, they were like dying to go to World War I. Like, they were like, they wanted that because they wanted to take out Germany's navy. Apparently. Apparently, like everybody was kicking Germany's ass Pre World War I.
Andrew Schulz
So I think that makes sense because apparently the after World War I, Germany was. And then they like made him pay all these taxes or they were just. I don't know what taxes. Very heavy handed.
Ralph Barbosa
Germany had like some rough years and.
Andrew Schulz
Then they got really poor. And then when Hitler came in power and they started making more money, they were like, oh, okay. Like that allowed for Hitler to come into power and to be like, enabled.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know about all that. I didn't get that far into the video. But What I understood Germany had only become Germany type shit.
Mark Gagnon
That austerity type shit.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I Shit type shit.
Ralph Barbosa
I know about World War II.
Andrew Schulz
My information is all type shit. Information. I'm not exactly. Right. But it's that type of shit.
Mark Gagnon
The way they try to kill Franz Ferdinand is hilarious. So this is the dude. Basically, you got, like, a whole. Everyone is pissed off in Europe. Everyone's got different alliances. And then this one guy dying basically created a whole issue and put every. Every little alliance into motion. Everyone starts fighting.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like the bigger your mustache get, like, the more people probably want to kill you, you know? I mean, like, that guy was pushing it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like that's how Andrew Scholl's gonna look in a few years.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah. Once you start going up, like, once it starts, like, to defy gravity so you don't.
Akash Singh
There.
Andrew Schulz
He hasn't talked about this, but they're gonna take the extensions out of his hair and leave a couple for his mustache. Yeah. You know what I noticed about this guy? Beautiful eyes.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
You didn't notice that?
Ralph Barbosa
I can't see.
Andrew Schulz
Too homophobic and Mexican, to be honest.
Ralph Barbosa
About the fact that his eyes are. I thought he was blind because they're that blue. Yeah. That's crazy. He's probably back then.
Mark Gagnon
I think that's actually what happened. He was literally on a vacation with, like, his mistress, I'm pretty sure.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Well, he was in Sarajevo with, like, a side piece and then. And then. Or some like that.
Akash Singh
What? Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
If he had just been honest and told his homies who he was in love with, maybe they could have saved his life. You know what I mean?
Ralph Barbosa
Maybe you gotta die for love. You don't know what true love is even though you're happily married.
Andrew Schulz
Okay, tell me about true love, dude.
Ralph Barbosa
True love. You just feel it. All right? True love is a combination of, like, head chemicals and brain chemicals.
Andrew Schulz
If you don't stop rotating in this chair, we're gonna have to switch.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
It's been way it's been.
Ralph Barbosa
Tell me that a lot on the podcast. Don't rotate.
Andrew Schulz
You understand? Here, now you look less comfortable.
Ralph Barbosa
No, it's okay.
Andrew Schulz
Okay, Put your arms here. Just rest them.
Ralph Barbosa
I better not. All right, let's stay still and let's talk about some real subjects. How's married life for you? How's that been?
Andrew Schulz
I love it, dude.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I love you thinking about it.
Ralph Barbosa
Are you. Do you feel like it's affected your comedy? Like, are you more like a Ray Romano type now?
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. I talk about marriage. More. But as soon as I started getting in relationships, I talked about it more. But there was like a whole. There's like a whole gold mine there of stuff to talk about.
Ralph Barbosa
There is. I mean, and everybody's situation is a little unique, but also relatable. The more. The more unique and. And specific you get into your stories and your jokes, the relatable they end up being.
Andrew Schulz
I know I got a good relationship joke based on the type of laugh. Because there's a laugh that's like, that's us. That's when I'm like, oh, I got one.
Ralph Barbosa
Nice.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't think there's a big market for people who are in love with somebody they could never be with.
Andrew Schulz
No, there's a massive market for that.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Drake built a career off of that.
Ralph Barbosa
Drake loves everybody, though.
Andrew Schulz
Well, I mean, now he's a diff. He's in a different space. He's whoever he wants.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I mean, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Back when he started, it was a lot of like, I like you. I don't know if you like me. I can see that kind of journey for you.
Ralph Barbosa
Do you think Drake will ever find love, like, true love?
Andrew Schulz
I don't know if he's looking for it.
Ralph Barbosa
I think once you hit a certain tax bracket, it's that much harder.
Andrew Schulz
Do you think you're gonna hit that tax bracket? Because what I'm seeing from you is I don't want to be that.
Ralph Barbosa
I. I want to be like.
Akash Singh
I don't know.
Ralph Barbosa
Who knows what I want?
Mark Gagnon
You also let the record show AKA is going to try to force you to get married. Okay. Because ever since Akash got married, he wants everyone else to be married.
Andrew Schulz
That's not because I got married. We arrange marriages. That's. Don't ever test my.
Mark Gagnon
He's like, I got it good.
Fahim Anwar
You get to choose.
Andrew Schulz
My dad didn't get to choose.
Mark Gagnon
That's a good point.
Andrew Schulz
He won.
Mark Gagnon
That is true.
Ralph Barbosa
My mom lost your dad. I would. See, that's cool about the Indian cultures. Like, you guys get to choose. And I feel like that's a big weight off the shoulders, you know?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
It's like, I don't want to choose, bro.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Because too many women are throwing themselves at you. I've heard stories.
Akash Singh
What?
Ralph Barbosa
From Woo?
Andrew Schulz
We do the same. We do the same venue sometimes. I hear stories.
Ralph Barbosa
You hear stories. They're bad stories.
Andrew Schulz
They're pretty cool stories. They're pretty cool stories.
Ralph Barbosa
They confuse me and Abraham a lot. Even though he's like 7 inches taller than me.
Andrew Schulz
I Don't want to blow up your spot. I'm just saying I hear stories, and if this girl, whom you love, or guy, whatever, if this person that you love, this non binary person, if they don't get it together, they might lose the opportunity. They might let Ralph Barbosa slip through their fingers. I mean, their fingers. I'm saying that part.
Ralph Barbosa
You should listen to them. But don't listen to the stories, all right? The stories are just rooms.
Andrew Schulz
This is a coveted asset.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm like. Like, I'm very professional. I'm like CIA. I go in there, I get the job done, and I'm out. Like James Bond. James Bond, Jason Bourne.
Andrew Schulz
Are you talking about comedy or hoes?
Ralph Barbosa
No, comedy. You're going to boat with hoes? I know it sounds. I know it's like the song or whatever, but you just brought up a memory.
Mark Gagnon
Is this Chicago?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
How do you know about this?
Mark Gagnon
I just, you know, I heard stories. What can I say?
Ralph Barbosa
You heard these stories, too?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Sometimes we do the same boats. You know what I mean?
Unknown
Sometimes.
Mark Gagnon
I was on the boat, I was talking to the captain. I was like, you had any pirates out here? Oh, there's one.
Ralph Barbosa
We took the captain to the show afterwards. I was not, like, partaking in the hose on the boat. I was more just an observer. And I'm also not saying, like, I have to be very clear about this because I don't. I don't want to, like, be upset the person people. No, no. I just don't want you to tell.
Fahim Anwar
Me about this story because I didn't hear about this boat.
Ralph Barbosa
Yes. Oh. I just want to say I don't. I'm not saying that all women are hoes. No, I'm not referring to women as hoes. No. I'm saying these particular women were, in fact, hoes. I was on a boat.
Andrew Schulz
As in whores? Prostitutes?
Ralph Barbosa
No, they're not professionals.
Andrew Schulz
You said. In fact. I just thought the fact.
Ralph Barbosa
When you add the R, I feel like you're implying that they, like, get paid. These women were not getting paid.
Andrew Schulz
That's worse. That's actually considerably worse in my eyes.
Ralph Barbosa
These women were holding the sport to me because they're doing it out of their heart. They're falling from the heart.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Andrew Schulz
God.
Ralph Barbosa
No, it just. It was just crazy to me. We're in Chicago and I just look.
Andrew Schulz
At hoes like open mic comics and whores like headliners.
Ralph Barbosa
You got to work your way up to that.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Like you doing it. We all love the game.
Ralph Barbosa
Earn the hard. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
But you have the paid spot. You don't get paid spots yet.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know, man. Okay. I'm, like, very artsy, so I just prefer a hoe over a.
Mark Gagnon
The money's not tainting.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
It's all creative.
Akash Singh
Okay, go ahead.
Andrew Schulz
Sorry.
Akash Singh
Continue.
Ralph Barbosa
Sorry. Anyway, we're in Chicago doing some shows, and we decide to stay an extra couple days to rent a boat because everybody. Not everybody, but a woman at a nightclub was like, you got to go on the lake. While you're here, you got to go rent a boat. Like, everybody goes on boats. And so I'm like, all right, that's cool. So I tell these guys, guys and, like, other guys that were with us. I'm like, let's do it for Monday. It was like a Sunday. And, you know, like most men, I'm in a group text with my boys, so I hit these guys up. I'm like, hey, come to Chicago, like, tonight so that we could go on a boat tomorrow. If you guys get here early tonight, we'll go out to a club. And, you know, you go out there, meet girls, invite them out to the boat, because I don't want it to just be a bunch of dudes on the boat.
Akash Singh
You know what I mean?
Ralph Barbosa
It feels like a Hail Mary play almost just very last minute. Like, come, we meet some girls. Let's go on a boat. And everybody's like, yeah, let's go. Let's do it. Most. Most of the guys show up. Even the dude with the girlfriend who should not have showed up.
Mark Gagnon
But it's a boat, though.
Ralph Barbosa
But hold on. So this is how he almost sinks the boat. He shows up, they all show up, and the dude with the girlfriend ends up bringing his girlfriend.
Akash Singh
Oh.
Ralph Barbosa
So it's like, all right, fine. Yeah, it's like, cool, whatever. Like, at least you can have your date. You know what I mean? You know, the only thing I don't like about that is that this isn't a couple's thing.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
This is guys inviting random women on the boat thing.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Amateur horse.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So it's like, if you're gonna bring a girl, you should have just stayed out.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Because here's what can happen. I'm not anti coupled. No. But here's what can happen. And it did happen. Couples argue on boats.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, this sounds awesome.
Ralph Barbosa
It's inevitable. Once again, once you get to a certain longitude, latitude, the argument just starts from you to triangle.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Right.
Mark Gagnon
You get out there, things start getting a little.
Ralph Barbosa
Little haywire. So anyway, my buddy invites this one. The the door chick at a club and Abraham takes a date out there. It's very nice person. She brings, like, her cousin, and it's like tick tockers and st. A door.
Mark Gagnon
Girl at a club is hilarious. Like a bouncer. Like, you got. You brought a bouncer. I like the idea of a door.
Ralph Barbosa
Woman, which I don't understand, like, what her job even was. She was just there names, I guess. I think she. I think she's just there to be like. Well, she didn't even get her name. She was just, like, going, going.
Akash Singh
Yeah. It's just.
Fahim Anwar
She's just judging you. And she'd be like, yeah, they look good enough to get it.
Ralph Barbosa
I think she just is in case people invite her on boats.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Or that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
She was nice with her. And we go out there, and there wasn't even, like, music playing. And the women just started shaking their asses, which was like.
Mark Gagnon
Like acapella.
Ralph Barbosa
Like just acapella. Twerking? Yeah, just.
Mark Gagnon
Just you just hear clapping in the.
Ralph Barbosa
Distance, which is why I'm like, bro, like, when women get over water, they just get, like, extra hoey. Sometimes. Not all women just hoes get extra.
Andrew Schulz
Hoes set their game up on the water.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
It's a big venue for them. Yeah, that's the show.
Mark Gagnon
Maritime law also. Yeah. I mean, like, like, you just get out into, like, these deep waters, and I just think it starts messing with.
Ralph Barbosa
Their cycles or something, maybe. Yeah, like the moon and the waves.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, exactly.
Ralph Barbosa
But even my photographs, Kiki, he's out there, my photographer, his brother, even, he was shaking his ass. That's when I was like, all right, bring the boat back.
Akash Singh
We gotta.
Ralph Barbosa
The waves were affected too much, but it was fun.
Mark Gagnon
Did music get put on?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, no, we did put music on immediately. Nah, we got out there, got settled in. The water was cold, man. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
You went on a lake. That's kind of funny to me that you got a yacht on a lake. Like, I, I.
Andrew Schulz
The Chicago lake is beautiful, but I'm sure it's beautiful.
Fahim Anwar
They got a yacht on there.
Mark Gagnon
I just assumed this story was a place in the ocean.
Andrew Schulz
He might be being liberal. Yacht.
Akash Singh
You know what I mean?
Ralph Barbosa
I would say, yeah, bro. It was big.
Akash Singh
Big.
Ralph Barbosa
This biggest yacht you've ever seen.
Andrew Schulz
How many. How many of these women? These G league. How many of them were on this boat? Double digits.
Ralph Barbosa
No, no, no, no. It was like six, tops.
Mark Gagnon
And what was the ratio?
Ralph Barbosa
Because it was about even, right? It's like six dudes.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
Six women.
Mark Gagnon
This is just a you know, basketball game 6v6.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Five on five with the subs, you know, it's crazy. Like, Chicago is nuts, bro. I think Chicago is top three greatest nightlife cities, really, in the States.
Andrew Schulz
Chicago, if it wasn't for the weather, would be. And it's a massive thing, but it'd be the best city maybe in the world, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
All right.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, it's incredible.
Fahim Anwar
It's not better in New York, but.
Ralph Barbosa
Well, like, New York is cool, but I have. I guess I haven't experienced enough nightlife in New York. I need to experience more nightlife in New York because I like that the bars stay open until like, 4am that's cool. Chicago, you can find some of that too. But Chicago, I feel like, is also. I don't know. I guess because it's not as big as New York, it's easy to, like, run into different people, which I think is pretty cool. Like, you get to know people and stuff.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah. You build.
Ralph Barbosa
But Miami, school too.
Fahim Anwar
Talent out here. We have, like, professional whores, but they still act like hoes.
Andrew Schulz
So it's a good place to be women. New York women. I'm unbelievable. Probably better than Chicago women. Like, I can't imagine Chicago.
Fahim Anwar
You have some fun out here.
Andrew Schulz
Not to say you in particular, based on the stories I hear about you. You. I don't know if you can move out here. I know you were thinking about moving out here. Is that still a thought?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah. I stayed out here for, like, two.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
And I remember I saw you, like, a month in, and you're like, yo, I think this might be. This might be it.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah. But now I went home. I couldn't do it. I got a son, you know?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
And then.
Ralph Barbosa
And I. I couldn't work it out the. The schedule the way I liked it.
Andrew Schulz
Did you just drown in over here?
Ralph Barbosa
I don't. I don't know what they're talking about.
Mark Gagnon
Well, that's what I'm curious. You say you like Chicago for the nightlife, but I don't see you as, like, a big partier. Like, correct me if I'm wrong.
Ralph Barbosa
Well, it just depends where I'm at.
Andrew Schulz
Would you like anything now? We have alcohol.
Akash Singh
We have.
Andrew Schulz
I don't know.
Ralph Barbosa
Let's get drunk. You guys want to get drunk? Get drunk before your flight. What do you like to drink?
Akash Singh
Drink? Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
We can get you some.
Ralph Barbosa
You want. I don't drink, but these are old. Are these real?
Andrew Schulz
What do we have for him to drink?
Damian Lemon
Damn near everything.
Andrew Schulz
Damn near everything.
Ralph Barbosa
Whiskey, tequila, rum, what about beer? Good old fashioned beer.
Andrew Schulz
We get you good old fashioned beer.
Mark Gagnon
If we don't have it Modelo. Not for any reason.
Ralph Barbosa
Hot beer. Watch this.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Are you gonna have a drink with me too?
Andrew Schulz
I don't drink.
Ralph Barbosa
You don't drink?
Mark Gagnon
I don't drink.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't want to drink then.
Andrew Schulz
No. They'll drink.
Ralph Barbosa
You guys gonna drink?
Andrew Schulz
No. That's awesome. When he gets drunk on the.
Mark Gagnon
It will get racist. It will get insane.
Andrew Schulz
He's half Puerto Rican.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
You're half Puerto Rican.
Akash Singh
I am.
Ralph Barbosa
Why don't you talk more, bro?
Fahim Anwar
I'm trying to understand your accent.
Mark Gagnon
It's very un Puerto Rican of him, isn't it? Like, he's very stoic.
Fahim Anwar
You know, you get on his pod, you become white.
Andrew Schulz
Shoot. He's telling you shoot or shoot.
Mark Gagnon
What is the Mexican perception of Puerto Ricans? Is there a internal perception or we're better people?
Ralph Barbosa
I, I, I don't know. I've never asked other Mexicans. In my mind, I'm always just like, bro, Puerto Ricans are always making music that we dance to so much. Puerto Rican is very talented with music and.
Akash Singh
Right.
Ralph Barbosa
But then sometimes I kind of am jealous that you guys are, like, technically American territory.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So it's just like, damn, they make good music. And then I'm mad because Bad Bunny got that part in Happy Gilmore 2. It made me, like, not.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, he was good.
Ralph Barbosa
He was.
Andrew Schulz
He was good.
Ralph Barbosa
I wasn't gonna do better than that. I auditioned for that part.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, did you really?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But I watched him. I was like, he did it better.
Akash Singh
Yo, yo.
Andrew Schulz
You wanted to be an actor first, right?
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
And now you're blowing up as a comedian. I feel like you could just be you in movies and tv. Is that a thing?
Ralph Barbosa
That's what I tell the casting directors.
Mark Gagnon
They don't seem to see it, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
I did a commercial for Verizon in Spanish. Oh, and can we pull that up?
Andrew Schulz
Is that online? Miles will look for it. Our Jamie will look for it.
Ralph Barbosa
They made me change the way I speak Spanish because apparently the way I speak Spanish is like a country Spanish. It's like, I guess instead of being southern in Mexico, it's. It's considered a northern accent.
Mark Gagnon
Is that more rural?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And I was gonna get away with it, though. It was like one day of filming, super easy, and it's like voiceover. It's like the. So at the end of filming, they just had me, like, record the lines into a mic, and I was just like, hell, yeah. Like, easy money.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
You know, this is dope. And then there was, like, different types of Latinos. There's like, Puerto Ricans and, like, Argentinians. And, like, they were all like, okay, yeah, everything's going good. But the lady who's, like the costume designer who ended up. Ended up becoming like my buddy, she was Mexican. And she was like, hey, this dude talks, like, country Spanish.
Mark Gagnon
Damn, she sold you out.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, so she was like, you know, like. And I think somebody else, too. They were just like, hey, I don't know. It talks kind of country. Like, so then I.
Andrew Schulz
But your accent is good or. No, like, my accent, when I speak Hindi, it's clear I'm not from India.
Ralph Barbosa
I think you can. You can tell I'm not from Mexico for sure. Like, okay. But I think also it stands out that, like, my family's from, like, north Mexico.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
So, yeah, I had to go and record. I had to talk to. What do you call it? Like, a chick who knows how to.
Fahim Anwar
Linguistic.
Ralph Barbosa
Linguistic type? Yeah, something like that.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And she was like, oh, yeah, you talk like my dad. No, that's not it. I mean, I had to do that too. But that's not the commercial now.
Akash Singh
Damn.
Andrew Schulz
You're not speaking Spanish in that one.
Ralph Barbosa
Commercial is not there. It's just gone now.
Fahim Anwar
But you're speaking Spanish in that video though, right?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, we are speaking Spanish in that video. I was like, I had to do that too, for the thing.
Mark Gagnon
Oh, I can tell.
Akash Singh
Yeah, that's like deep.
Mark Gagnon
That's like farmers.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, yeah, you can tell.
Akash Singh
You can hear for real.
Mark Gagnon
You can hear the way he says it.
Ralph Barbosa
Your phone I got from Verizon takes real nice pictures. Why are you making me watch this?
Andrew Schulz
Painful. We've all done some. Dude, don't even worry about it.
Ralph Barbosa
I do it again.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, you got paid for yours.
Andrew Schulz
I've done that. I didn't get paid for that. I hope would get me a paid gig.
Akash Singh
You were doing.
Ralph Barbosa
You were doing a lot of acting.
Andrew Schulz
No, I was doing whatever. Back before we had YouTube and you could just put clips on. You didn't know what you were doing. So if somebody's like, hey, do you want to do this web series? It could be a thing I did that. I was like, this is trash.
Fahim Anwar
We're doing, like, background dancing in Bollywood, right?
Ralph Barbosa
Like, I wish that would be fire.
Andrew Schulz
I would. That would be fire every day. No, but yeah, you just. You didn't know. And then, like, you're. You're.
Mark Gagnon
Is.
Andrew Schulz
Yours is like the quintessential modern blow up in stand up where you're doing comedy. How long are you doing comedy before you're. Don't tell.
Ralph Barbosa
Six months.
Andrew Schulz
First set.
Ralph Barbosa
It's like six, almost seven years.
Andrew Schulz
And then you do this. Don't tell that. As far as I know, that's when I saw you. That blew up. And then boom, boom, boom.
Ralph Barbosa
Which I think was still for like comedy was still pretty early.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, very.
Akash Singh
Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't think I was ready to headline. People were coming to see my shows and I'm just like, they doing now.
Andrew Schulz
My brother saw you. He went to go see us. Yeah, yeah. He's the one Indian guy you show now. I feel like Indians with you.
Ralph Barbosa
I think so too.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Especially like when I go to random ass cities like in the south or the Midwest.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
A lot of Indians coming out.
Andrew Schulz
Especially like a. Like a pothead Indian.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, no.
Akash Singh
Hell yeah.
Andrew Schulz
They would love you.
Ralph Barbosa
You know Usama.
Akash Singh
Yeah, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
He's funny.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. So Usama and my brother are actually friends, weirdly. And then my. Because before I think I introduced someone, I don't know, Usama met me or whatever. They went to school together.
Ralph Barbosa
I know.
Andrew Schulz
So my brother watched Usama and then watched you come through and he was like, he's very funny. But now get to your racist story. I know this is racist, but I hope it is.
Ralph Barbosa
Every time I meet somebody Indian, they know Osama.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I was at. I was at the airport. Yes. Yesterday. The day before yesterday, I flew into Austin.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And this dude was like, bro, I've seen you on stage before. He's like, I actually know Usama. And I went to watch him and then I saw you.
Andrew Schulz
I know.
Ralph Barbosa
Every Indian fan I have is thanks to Osama.
Andrew Schulz
Well, now you can have a couple more.
Akash Singh
Hell yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Thanks, Usama.
Mark Gagnon
See, this is where it comes from. Anytime you meet someone, it's like, oh, do you know this person? And just because you guys are the same race, you assume they know.
Andrew Schulz
But a lot of times. A lot of times they'd be right.
Mark Gagnon
That's the problem. You know what I mean? And even if you don't know that Usama, you know another one.
Unknown
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Andrew Schulz
Investment portfolio is interesting. It's not just crypto, which is cool. Mark, you know, he researches things we don't. I just put in bitcoin.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
This guy's an ETF's, which I thought was very interesting. I didn't even know that was an option even though I read the copy every week.
Mark Gagnon
There's stocks, there's crypto, then there's ETFs.
Andrew Schulz
There's the whole ETF. Exactly.
Mark Gagnon
It's an exchange traded fund.
Andrew Schulz
Ah, now I get it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Unknown
And what does that mean?
Mark Gagnon
So basically like this is the way it was explained to me. I remember I interned in like a wealth management group back in the day. These ETFs were like managed by wealth managers and you could only really get in if you had like a wealth manager. Really wealthy people could do it and then kept and. But now they're available on exchange and so a bunch of other people can do it. I know this sounds like I'm shilling for it. This might blow up in my face. I don't. This is not investment.
Unknown
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Mark Gagnon
Yeah, that's true. I didn't want to risk you guys making 7% yield on your. But basically it's like a. It's like, like different ETFs offer different things and they'll bundle different stocks plus different like calls on different commodities.
Andrew Schulz
And I'm already overwhelmed by bitcoin, but it's already done.
Mark Gagnon
That's the beauty of it. There's already a smart guy that put it all together.
Andrew Schulz
A lot of words, Bitcoin.
Unknown
How do we know it's a smart guy?
Andrew Schulz
I'm in?
Mark Gagnon
Because it's with a bank that you hope has a smart guy in there. You know, so if you do like a J.P. morgan, smart guys, that's what.
Andrew Schulz
We'Re calling them now.
Fahim Anwar
Yeah, I know.
Mark Gagnon
Smart guys, you know they keep readers. Right?
Andrew Schulz
I like to.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, there's a bunch of different ones. You can also just put in like S and P etf.
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Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Thank goodness.
Damian Lemon
In Montana or something.
Andrew Schulz
Let's get back to the show. Look at that.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, look at that, Mark.
Andrew Schulz
Shotgun one of those. Or do whatever the white thing's like.
Mark Gagnon
That is fire. Have Mexicans figured out a shotgun yet?
Ralph Barbosa
Have Mexicans figured out a shotgun? Yeah, I have seen Mexicans shotgun pretty fast. I can't shotgun fast, but. Really? Yeah, but I've seen them do it at my house.
Mark Gagnon
What about beer bong? You guys ever do those?
Andrew Schulz
Y' all do drinking game? I always associate drinking games as more of a white thing, but I could. I could see Mexicans getting in on.
Akash Singh
On it. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I love, like, old white things, like 70s rock, but they don't need a.
Fahim Anwar
Game to drink beer.
Ralph Barbosa
I just. They don't need, like, two, three questions. Beer bong.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Like a bong for beer.
Mark Gagnon
This is what you think, but it's not exactly that. It's literally just like a tube that you pour now.
Ralph Barbosa
I've never done that.
Mark Gagnon
Really? Yeah, yeah, this is. Yeah, this is like peak white Boy.
Ralph Barbosa
Look at neon colors.
Akash Singh
Yeah, exactly. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
It has to be neon. And now they got them where, like, there's all sorts of contraptions. You fill it up, you pull the plug, it all goes down, down.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel I got to do that before I turn 30.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
27. 28.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm 28.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
That's a good element of white culture, I think, that we did pretty good at.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
The drinking games, I think was a good contribution.
Akash Singh
This.
Ralph Barbosa
This beer will take down my nerves.
Andrew Schulz
Chug that. Guys, let's just get.
Akash Singh
What are you doing?
Mark Gagnon
What are you doing?
Andrew Schulz
What the is this guy?
Mark Gagnon
I want to chug a beer. It's two in the morning, whatever time it is.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, my God, it's 12:30.
Ralph Barbosa
Why is it that the sober guys like you guys gotta ch these, by the way, right?
Mark Gagnon
He wants you to get married, and he wants you to choke beer. It's like he. This is a lot of projection. This is my point.
Andrew Schulz
I'm already married. What do you mean? I want him to chug.
Mark Gagnon
Just saying. It's like, I feel like you're trying.
Andrew Schulz
If There was, like, shrooms of weed. I'd do it if you got that. I'll do it. I just forgot mine. I didn't think we'd be doing this, because I've been trying to get this guy to a shroom pot forever. He won't do it.
Ralph Barbosa
Bring this guy an ounce of shrooms.
Andrew Schulz
I would do an ounce of shrooms, no question.
Mark Gagnon
No, you would die. You would pass away an ounce.
Andrew Schulz
An ounce is not that much.
Akash Singh
Much.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, I was thinking a gram. No, I did an eighth one time.
Ralph Barbosa
You sound like you've never done shroom before. I eat an ounce for breakfast.
Andrew Schulz
I did an eighth one time. That was crazy.
Fahim Anwar
Cheers. This being a bit.
Mark Gagnon
I'm gonna sip. I just don't want to chug.
Andrew Schulz
Sip, you homo. Dude, just drink the beer.
Mark Gagnon
I'm not chugging. I'm not gonna shotgun a beer.
Fahim Anwar
Yeah, which is insane.
Ralph Barbosa
Have you figured it out yet?
Akash Singh
I mean, mean.
Mark Gagnon
All right, now you're doing to do that.
Ralph Barbosa
It's cool. I missed you guys.
Mark Gagnon
Hey, Dud.
Andrew Schulz
I know. We missed you.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Dallas, Texas, born and raised superstar. You from.
Fahim Anwar
Why are you guys lying to each other right now?
Ralph Barbosa
What?
Andrew Schulz
I'm from Dallas.
Ralph Barbosa
We have to lie, bro.
Akash Singh
And you didn't miss it. I did.
Ralph Barbosa
I miss those eyes, bro.
Andrew Schulz
I miss his eyes.
Ralph Barbosa
Every podcast I've done one sip of.
Damian Lemon
Beer and starts just ruining the pot.
Andrew Schulz
I actually.
Ralph Barbosa
L. Bro, you said enough.
Damian Lemon
Back to quiet time.
Andrew Schulz
Nah, I missed this guy.
Ralph Barbosa
Every podcast I've been on since this one, I'm just comparing their eyes to your eyes.
Andrew Schulz
Nothing. Nothing measures up.
Ralph Barbosa
Right?
Andrew Schulz
I know, dude. I know. I get it.
Ralph Barbosa
What's your wife's name? I'm jealous that she gets to look into those eyes every morning.
Andrew Schulz
Just lean.
Ralph Barbosa
Just a lean. Yeah, dude, that's a pretty name.
Andrew Schulz
Hey, thanks, dude. What's your future wife's name?
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know. It's probably gonna end up being.
Andrew Schulz
That's crazy. I share information and you don't share it.
Akash Singh
Back. Back.
Andrew Schulz
That's up. Yo, I thought we. We're bonding just now.
Ralph Barbosa
I mean, we are, but you got to give me time, baby.
Mark Gagnon
He needs three more Mandelas.
Andrew Schulz
Hand in the pod. I need this girl's name. We can bleep it if you want.
Ralph Barbosa
Can we just say her name is Bleep and then just bleep that?
Akash Singh
That's funny. I like that. I like that, dude.
Andrew Schulz
I hate it.
Ralph Barbosa
That's fire.
Andrew Schulz
All right, let's keep May.
Ralph Barbosa
Maybe the end of this beer or.
Akash Singh
I don't know.
Ralph Barbosa
I like. I Like the situation I'm in.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I mean, cuz, like, we get along, me and this girl.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And I don't know if it'll ever happen, but I like that I at least got to, like, talk to her for a while. You have one of those.
Mark Gagnon
That's romantic. Isn't that true?
Ralph Barbosa
That feels like romantic. That's true love.
Andrew Schulz
So has anything physical happened at all?
Ralph Barbosa
No, no, nothing physical.
Andrew Schulz
Well, you got a little tell when you love lie.
Ralph Barbosa
What do you mean?
Andrew Schulz
You wipe your nose when you lie.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, I just. I just. I'm a cokehead. I'm not, by the way. I don't. I gotta be careful. I don't know when to joke or not joke because then people in the comments will be like, you know, he's not playing about that. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
You were saying that on. I was listening to your club Shay, and you were saying you get a little bit of, like, comments about, like, you're the Mexican people being upset that you're xyz. And to me from the odds for Macroscopic, it feels like it's so much love for you, which is good.
Akash Singh
Great.
Ralph Barbosa
No, there's a lot of love.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I've been trying not to read them in general, cuz like, good ones and bad. Good comments and bad comments or I feel like are bad for you.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, neither one of them is. The truth is.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Not a real why.
Fahim Anwar
How is the good comments bet?
Ralph Barbosa
Cuz if you start to believe them too much, I feel like you can up your own, like, what do you call it? Like, your perception of yourself and like, your work.
Mark Gagnon
I think additionally, I think if you believe the good comments, you kind of have to believe the bad.
Andrew Schulz
That's the thing you like. Y' all don't. Y' all don't tell me good or bad.
Akash Singh
Bad.
Andrew Schulz
If I'm good, that's what I. Ideally, I try not to even look. Because you will. When you get a. A good one. You want to keep reading and then you see one bad one, you're like, maybe the next one will be good. And if it's also bad, you're. You know, I mean, you start spiraling. But, like, ideally, y' all don't decide whether I'm good or bad. That's not up to you. I decide that I keep going. I keep doing my thing. I keep doing what I want to do.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't feel like I decided. For me, though, I feel like it's just up to the audience. That night that I perform in front of, I care about their.
Andrew Schulz
No, I know I used to freak the out whenever they didn't, like, laugh. Any joke. I would start talking faster. I would, whatever. And I realized this because I didn't think I was good enough or funny enough. So if they didn't laugh, I would be like, ah, they're finding out I'm a phony. And then I would. But then that makes you. You got a great comfort on stage. I didn't have that for a long time.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, I, I, I feel like I got comfortable once I started headlining because I was so uncomfortable still. But, like, I was featuring you.
Andrew Schulz
Don't tell. You're what? Let's say you're filming that. How was the taping of that?
Ralph Barbosa
That was laid back. They really relaxed us right before.
Andrew Schulz
Okay. Because you see him. Super. I remember being like, no, I know you get those.
Mark Gagnon
That's why it's called don't tell.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah. He gets those on his own. They.
Ralph Barbosa
They really made us feel.
Andrew Schulz
Now just know that if you marry this girl, those don't really happen.
Ralph Barbosa
I got you.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
You got to get engaged, but not married.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, that's the move.
Ralph Barbosa
Sweet.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
That's what he is.
Ralph Barbosa
That's what you're doing.
Fahim Anwar
I like, been engaged, raised about two years now.
Andrew Schulz
His girl is from Spain.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah. How you meet her in Spain?
Fahim Anwar
She moved here for work.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, nice.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
What does she do? If you don't mind me.
Andrew Schulz
Yes, she did.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know how I feel about that.
Andrew Schulz
You're doing the work, dude.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
You see, you need to record a podcast. This is the guy. If you're doing your own podcast, there's a Roth Barbosa podcast. That's your man's.
Ralph Barbosa
I had a. I was on a podcast. I was co hosting the Fatfish podcast with my friend Heidi.
Akash Singh
Jaime.
Mark Gagnon
But I love him.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm his dope. He's like, my funniest. I think he's the funniest dude ever, but I grew up with him, so my very biased opinion, you know?
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But yeah, we started a podcast together, but I stopped showing up to record because it's a lot. Doing a podcast is a lot. I didn't know how much of a commitment it is. I have commitment issues.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So, yeah, evidently.
Andrew Schulz
Also, I'm going tell this girl.
Ralph Barbosa
Jaime goes to LA every week, week to tape for Tiger Belly. He's Bobby Lee's co host, so while he's out there, he can reach out to more potential guests.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And record while he's out there.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So I was like, you should Just record Fat Fish out there with like, other people because we're taping out of Dallas, so it was kind of hard to like, catch people while they were in town, especially on tour. So.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Ups to you guys for like, running a podcast.
Andrew Schulz
Thanks, dude.
Mark Gagnon
I may get hooked up with Bob Bobby.
Ralph Barbosa
I took him with me when I did Bobby's podcast. Cuz me and Jaime were always Bobby Lee fans, but Jaime was definitely a bigger Bobby Lee fan than I was. But we just.
Andrew Schulz
Bobby's so funny. He's such a terrible person, but he's like, truly the biggest piece of. I know, but he's so funny. I hate him, but he's so funny.
Ralph Barbosa
My first time going to the Comedy Store, I walked into the main room just to peek. I forgot who I was waiting for. I was going to do like a. A spot in the. The Belly room. I think it was for like Netflix as a jokes, like New Faces audition thing. And I went downstairs and I just peeked in a random door and it was for the main room and Bobby was on stage. And as soon as I peeked in the room, I thought he almost. I thought he pointed at me, but he pointed at somebody and he was like, you. He's like, because of something. Something. He's like, now you get the pubes. And he's like. Just pulled his pants down.
Andrew Schulz
He tried to show me his dick the whole podcast. I wouldn't. I didn't see it. I dodged it. And then I texted him because the guy had just sobered up. I said, hey, man, I'll check in on him every week. Hey, man, I hope you're doing okay. Just want to let you know I love you.
Ralph Barbosa
Blah, blah, blah.
Andrew Schulz
Man would send me his dick. First time I checked in, I couldn't believe it.
Akash Singh
That.
Ralph Barbosa
And that's hilarious. I was Asian.
Andrew Schulz
Figure out what the rest of it means.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
But anyway, so you. Okay. So you. Oh, yeah. I want to ask you. You're doing a don't tell. They relaxed you beforehand?
Akash Singh
Oh, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
They told us. They were like, hey, hey, go out there, do whatever you want. It's your 10 minutes. If you want to do new material the whole time, do new material. Yeah, if you only like a few minutes of it and you hate, like eight minutes of it, we'll just upload what you like. Like, just go out there, have a good time.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So I wrote a bunch of jokes on the bus ride over there, and I was just like, it. I'm going. Just do those jokes.
Andrew Schulz
Bus ride from where to where from?
Ralph Barbosa
I took A Greyhound from LA to San Diego.
Akash Singh
Legal.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, okay. So those are all new jokes. You've never done those?
Ralph Barbosa
No, no, I did, like, maybe 60 new jokes. Wow.
Andrew Schulz
And which of the jokes that blew up, which ones were new?
Ralph Barbosa
Like, the first 6ish minutes. Wow.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But I was kind of. I was kind of like. Like, obviously I'm happy that it worked out. You know what I mean? But I was also mad because I, like, touched the jokes up.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, they get better.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Every joke.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Right? Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So. So I, like, I had like, a good month and a half, the better version of those jokes. And, like, I remember I got an applause break in Austin and I was just like, bittersweet moment because I was.
Mark Gagnon
Like, yeah, this is it.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, this is the last.
Andrew Schulz
It's ready and you can't do it anymore. But then what are you thinking as it's blowing up? We probably asked you this, but, like, I'm always curious, a thought process of people who blow up quickly. What does that feel like as it's all happening?
Ralph Barbosa
Feels cool. Money is cool.
Akash Singh
That's awesome. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
How does it feel for you?
Andrew Schulz
It didn't happen quickly for me. That's why I'm curious. It was a long road. So, like, flagrant happened When I was doing comedy for, like 10 years at that point or whatever started. We didn't make any money the first year. I'm going broke. Then we started Patreon. I'm like, okay, I'm making a living. Then Covid things start picking up. Then my standup really just started picking up in the last, like, two years in terms of people seeing it, which is cool, because I get. I felt like I get to grow for that time, kind of like without people knowing.
Mark Gagnon
Here in Akash is like in the mud. Stories are some of the most. The most harrowing things you'll ever hear in your life. I mean, they're harass.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah. Would you.
Akash Singh
You have to do.
Mark Gagnon
Bro.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, dude. If this podcast. If I was a guest on the podcast that you didn't have the commitment for, I would tell you all the.
Ralph Barbosa
Stories on Fat Fish. You want to come on Fat Fish?
Andrew Schulz
I would come back on Fat Fish.
Ralph Barbosa
Yes, absolutely.
Andrew Schulz
Next time I'm in la, you, me, Jaime, beat the out of Bobby Lee, and then we go do Fat Fish.
Mark Gagnon
You and Bob just need a fight.
Ralph Barbosa
Just.
Mark Gagnon
We need to do a pay per view.
Ralph Barbosa
We just need to do.
Mark Gagnon
Or. Or either one. Either one.
Ralph Barbosa
I can't betray Bobby. So I won't condone. No, I'll condone on it. You Should. You should fight him and him n.
Andrew Schulz
He wrestled in high school. I'm worried. I think I need help.
Ralph Barbosa
You think he can still wrestle now? I don't know the guy. Yeah, I know he looks young. The guy's like 80.
Andrew Schulz
Bobby Lee's as angry as everybody thinks I am. Everybody thinks I'm really.
Ralph Barbosa
You do have, like, resting face. Like, you look like you just got done complaining at a restaurant.
Mark Gagnon
He loves complaining at restaurants.
Andrew Schulz
You bought a.
Mark Gagnon
Got you nailed that.
Andrew Schulz
I do, too. You know what? I love complaining after I leave the restaurant, but I'm trying not to cause a kerfuffle in there too often. I've done it once, twice, maybe.
Ralph Barbosa
You said kerfuffle?
Akash Singh
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
You go off at restaurants?
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I'd be kerfuffling every once in a while.
Ralph Barbosa
What do you kind of food you like?
Andrew Schulz
You know what I've realized I don't like? We come from Texas. Everybody's good manners. If you're rude, I don't handle it well.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't really like that either.
Andrew Schulz
That should be setting me off.
Akash Singh
Off.
Ralph Barbosa
Yo, one time. One time I went off on an old dude. I feel. I feel really bad. And I gave him a good tip, but he was being a piece of bro. Like, what was he doing? I hadn't eaten in, like, 24 hours.
Andrew Schulz
That's his fault.
Ralph Barbosa
Very much his fault. Yeah, we had been. We were in la and it was like. It was like the shows where Hulu was, like, watching to see if they'd want to give me money.
Akash Singh
Yeah, Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
A lot of pressure. So, like, in between shows, a lot of industry would, like, go and talk to you, which, I don't know. Like, I get nervous, so I ate a bunch of mushrooms and maybe.
Andrew Schulz
How much? Like an ounce?
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, two ounces.
Akash Singh
We.
Ralph Barbosa
We ate maybe like two, three grams.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
And I was tripping some good. I'm not going to lie. I was tripping pretty hard. I stayed up, didn't sleep at all. The next morning, I did Big Boys Neighborhood. And then right after Big Boy's Neighborhood, because I don't live in la. And while I was in la, my agent, my manager, wanted to have, like, a meeting.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
We do this meeting. So it's like 3pm the next day. It was like 24 hours since my last meal. Yeah, Starving. I got a headache. Hungover, Right. And I go sit down at this restaurant. And they sat me like. I didn't. I didn't just sit down at a random table. They sat me there, sit down and I know what I want. I want the albon digas meatballs and like a little soup, like a little stew.
Akash Singh
Right?
Andrew Schulz
Last syllables.
Akash Singh
Rough, but go ahead.
Ralph Barbosa
So I sit down and the waiter comes and I tell him in Spanish, I said, I want a Diet Coke and some Alondas, please. And he says, I don't know how big of a party you have coming here, but I need this table by five o'.
Akash Singh
Clock.
Ralph Barbosa
And so I'm like, all right, all right, maybe I'm, I'm, I'm up.
Andrew Schulz
I'm already ready. I'm ready. I'm getting ready. So I take, I take a second.
Ralph Barbosa
Though, because I'm like, oh, maybe I'm an. For sitting here. Maybe there was like a mistake that they sat me here. What time is it? Is it almost 5? You know, so I checked my phone. It's 3:44. I will never forget the time because I. Because as soon as I saw the time, I'm like this piece of. Yeah, So I, I never yelled at a waiter or anybody in customer service ever in my life. And I just yelled at him in Spanish. I told him, I don't give a. Who's coming here at five o'.
Akash Singh
Clock.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm here now. The faster you give me the food, the faster I get the out. You know, Never done that before. And I, and I thought he was gonna punch me right after I was done saying it. I was like, ah, up. This dude's about to beat my ass. But now he just said, okay. And I'm assuming he went and spit in my soup.
Akash Singh
Absolutely right.
Ralph Barbosa
He definitely. But I was so hungry, I didn't even care anymore. I was like it.
Mark Gagnon
Do you think it's because he could tell you were kind of like from the farm country?
Andrew Schulz
You said it in a way that was like, rednecky.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, he probably did. He thinks I'm like some Mexican redneck.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I had a whole 360 degrees conflict within 30 seconds at the Kansas City airport last Friday.
Ralph Barbosa
Kansas City.
Andrew Schulz
I'm off the flight.
Ralph Barbosa
You're brave going off in.
Andrew Schulz
I just want to buy. Well, she was Latina. I just want to buy water.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
She ain't gonna be here that much longer anyway.
Akash Singh
Damn.
Andrew Schulz
But no, I just want to buy water. I go, it's, you know, sometimes like the, the food place has the water, little water on the side. So I grab bottle of water.
Ralph Barbosa
This Latina piece of.
Andrew Schulz
I'm talking to my friend loudly. We're just having a conversation. She got her back fully turned and she's on the TV screen. And I'm standing there, like, 10 seconds, and I go, yo, can I get a water? And then she turns around, doesn't say a word, Rings up the water, and then doesn't say, thank you. Doesn't say, okay. And then I go, just, hi. That's all you got to do. Just say hi. And then I start walking off, and she goes, I'm sorry, My English isn't too good. She tried to guilt me this morning. And I go, sounded pretty good there. And then she just goes, yeah, you're right. So we had a full. We became. We didn't know each other then we became enemies, and then we were kind of homies by the end of it.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know. I don't think you guys ended up homies.
Andrew Schulz
She said, yeah, you're right. I was like, oh, yeah, she knows you got me.
Akash Singh
Yeah, she. Good for her.
Ralph Barbosa
At least she, like, acknowledged this.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, just say hi. Hello. That's.
Akash Singh
That's it.
Andrew Schulz
What's so wrong with that?
Ralph Barbosa
I guess so. Why do you need the high, though?
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, because we grew up in the south. The same re. That guy didn't say anything that crazy to you?
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know if you.
Andrew Schulz
If he had said, hey, man, this is a lack of manners. If he had been like, hey, man, just so you know, I got a big party coming at 5. You think you'd be out by then? Be fine, right?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, if he would have told me more polite manners. The thing is, it was Mexican on Mexican crime.
Andrew Schulz
That's what this was Mexican on look like. Mexican crime?
Ralph Barbosa
No, you don't look Mexican.
Andrew Schulz
Are you sure? You know, when I was. When I was younger, I was, like, lighter. I tanned up as I got older, and everybody thought I was Mexican in Texas, in Dallas. My middle. My middle school principal, I swear to you, saw me multiple times and would just go, hola, amigo.
Ralph Barbosa
I get that sometimes when people, like, Sometimes Mexicans think they're like, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I can see that.
Mark Gagnon
Do you mind if I fact check this real quick?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Because I recently saw an image of you.
Andrew Schulz
That's me at 18, yo.
Mark Gagnon
Do you think this is, like, a little no sabo here?
Ralph Barbosa
You look Puerto Rican, bro.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I told you, yo.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, they don't know the difference.
Andrew Schulz
White folks.
Akash Singh
Keep that.
Mark Gagnon
Bring that back immediately. This is unbelievable, son.
Andrew Schulz
I get. I. I'm uglier. This is me and less ugly than.
Ralph Barbosa
I was my next sa.
Mark Gagnon
Right there.
Ralph Barbosa
Look at.
Akash Singh
Huh?
Andrew Schulz
I was 18. Have you seen my middle school pictures post?
Ralph Barbosa
Is it.
Andrew Schulz
Can you Send that to me.
Ralph Barbosa
Doing like, the diddy lips.
Mark Gagnon
Like the son.
Ralph Barbosa
This is a.
Andrew Schulz
This is. We were just laughing at this.
Fahim Anwar
Mouth breathing in you.
Andrew Schulz
We were just laughing at. At this. My. My best friend and I will laugh at this all the time. What I used to look like. And my brother used to tell me I looked. I looked gay when I smiled or something. So I wouldn't smile. And then I just look.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, it just looks a little bit like. Like shark tales. You ever see that?
Ralph Barbosa
Ah, you look good, bro. How you have an afro, though.
Fahim Anwar
Like, your hair changed.
Andrew Schulz
Yo, black people used to love my hair, dude. They'd always be like, let me braid that.
Ralph Barbosa
But your.
Mark Gagnon
Is it not shark tails?
Andrew Schulz
How about that? How about that guy?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, that guy rough.
Andrew Schulz
That guy sex miles. I'm going to text you this. I think you guys have seen this picture. You had to have some. My sixth grade yearo picture. I swear to God, I look like I could potentially be. Have like, you know, some kind of developmental thing, but I looked fully picture. No, no. Like, I look like I could be sixth grade fully. This is. It's wor. Gets worse than this. This is eighth grade.
Ralph Barbosa
I think that's a picture that. That's a. That's a picture that's so bad. Your parents.
Andrew Schulz
I look like, hey, you guys from Google.
Ralph Barbosa
I never saw him looking at this picture.
Mark Gagnon
Do you get your dad's point a little?
Ralph Barbosa
If I was your dad, I would.
Andrew Schulz
Hit you for that picture. My dad never hit me. That's probably why I look like that. I didn't get hit. My brother got hit.
Ralph Barbosa
You needed to get hit after that one.
Andrew Schulz
Hey, you guys.
Mark Gagnon
Bro. God damn the head tilt.
Fahim Anwar
You leveled up, bro.
Mark Gagnon
So did you think you smiled gay even at this age?
Andrew Schulz
I knew it looked bad, but I didn't know how to. I didn't know I could just smile. My brother kept me so in my head about it.
Akash Singh
About it.
Mark Gagnon
That is an awful thing to put in someone's head. It's hey, hey, your smile. Like when you're, like, being agreeable and charming. Everyone hates that.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, but he said gay. And back then that was like.
Ralph Barbosa
That's like the worst. Like, Nazi.
Mark Gagnon
You smile like a Nazi, bro.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Think about someone telling a kid that he's not gonna smile.
Mark Gagnon
I mean, nowadays, maybe, you know, I.
Ralph Barbosa
Mean, what year were you in the sixth grade grade?
Andrew Schulz
Sixth grade is worse. That was. I can't find that picture. This is eighth grade. I was 14.
Ralph Barbosa
You were 14?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
What year is that?
Andrew Schulz
1998. I'm born 84 oh.
Akash Singh
Oh.
Ralph Barbosa
I thought maybe we'd run into each other somewhere along the way.
Andrew Schulz
No, Never. You're too young, dude.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I was like two. Unless you were into weird. I don't know.
Mark Gagnon
So you've been Mexican, black, and Indian. Which one is your favorite? Of all the races that you've been.
Andrew Schulz
I like Indian, but that's because I have the most money as an Indian. It actually really tracks us economically. Like, when I looked black, I was baruch. I had nothing.
Mark Gagnon
But you were flexing a little bit. And then when you were Mexican, you were just, you know, you were just here. Happy to be here.
Andrew Schulz
Happy to be here, dude.
Ralph Barbosa
Happy to be here.
Andrew Schulz
Ready to eat in the backyard somewhere. Go have a party.
Ralph Barbosa
Food tastes better in backyards. It's been scientifically proven.
Andrew Schulz
I believe that. Well, you know, Indians say food tastes better with your hands. Because we eat with our hands.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
They say scientific on plastic.
Ralph Barbosa
It doesn't contaminate the food.
Andrew Schulz
That's what I'm saying. White folks, y' all are worried about plastic.
Mark Gagnon
Knees together, paper plate. That's the best meal. That slaps when you're just eating right back.
Ralph Barbosa
Try not to drop it.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, that's the ideal meal.
Ralph Barbosa
Enjoy it most.
Mark Gagnon
And now, bro, you're going to the Hamptons. You're going to be fully white.
Andrew Schulz
I've. I've done it all.
Mark Gagnon
You're really going through the whole thing.
Ralph Barbosa
If you go to the Hamptons, do you think people assume you're in the medical field? Like, if they don't know.
Andrew Schulz
You know what my favorite thing about the Hamptons? Nobody talks about elks to me. It's been great. I really love that.
Ralph Barbosa
I want to go to the Hamptons.
Andrew Schulz
It's fire. I didn't think I'd like it. I didn't do all the.
Akash Singh
That.
Andrew Schulz
I didn't go. I just liked being a West Hampton. Like, they go out. Well, you guys did more than I did, probably. You got. Been there a couple times. They go out, they party, they do whatever. They're on yachts. I didn't get a no boat.
Ralph Barbosa
You've never been on a boat?
Andrew Schulz
I've been on a boat.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I didn't love it.
Ralph Barbosa
Little boat, big boat.
Fahim Anwar
He don't really like hoes, so.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm not hose.
Andrew Schulz
Nah. I'm a one ho human.
Ralph Barbosa
Why you do that to your wife?
Andrew Schulz
Hey, I love that more than anything on her.
Akash Singh
She knows.
Andrew Schulz
She knows what it is.
Ralph Barbosa
I respect that.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I'm. I'm like, very. I'm very in love. So I get away with a little like, saying and whatever the.
Ralph Barbosa
That's cool. That means your wife has a lot of trust in you too, if you get to say this stuff, you know.
Andrew Schulz
Because I'm so gay. I don't think so. She's like, she didn't even worry about me.
Mark Gagnon
You've also been gay. You've done all the races.
Akash Singh
Yeah, I've done it all.
Andrew Schulz
Al's gay now.
Akash Singh
Now. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
A boat really is everything you hate. I'm thinking about it like, you like to be in your home.
Andrew Schulz
I love it.
Mark Gagnon
And a boat is the exact opposite. You're not even on the earth.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And on top of that, you're stuck.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And people are drinking and listening to loud music.
Akash Singh
Hey, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And you don't like loud music, bro.
Andrew Schulz
I like it in small doses. I'm old, man.
Ralph Barbosa
Dude, you just put the like full blast for like 30 seconds.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, exactly.
Andrew Schulz
Now, I went on a boat actually, in Miami. Small boat. Small boat.
Ralph Barbosa
Small boat.
Andrew Schulz
But it was fun. It was just like me and a few homies. That's it. And then wifey. And that's it. And we did shrooms.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, nice.
Akash Singh
A gram.
Andrew Schulz
A gram is what I thought I did.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
That was fire.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
I guess I've always heard mushrooms with water is a good pairing.
Akash Singh
For real.
Mark Gagnon
Like mushrooms and like being at the beach, looking at the ocean.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I've done that too, in Hawaii. That was sick.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
People have said that I got to try that. I haven't done mushrooms in a while. Cuz the last few trips where I did them, I started hearing voices. But I don't know if this was. Maybe I was just like exhausted. Like, I needed sleep already. It was like, take a break from that.
Andrew Schulz
I think. I think take a break.
Mark Gagnon
What kind of voices? It depends.
Ralph Barbosa
A couple times.
Mark Gagnon
Whispers, Asian accent.
Ralph Barbosa
Couple times yelling, yeah, Bobby Lee.
Mark Gagnon
I would keep doing mushrooms, bro. If I just had a full feed, which is Asian accent.
Ralph Barbosa
I'd be like. One time I eat like a. Though, like, man, like, it had to be like eight grams maybe, baby. And I kept blacking out. And then I would hear voices so clear that I was like yelling at them. But it was just like me, like other versions of me. I feel like I was arguing with like three versions of myself.
Andrew Schulz
What were they saying?
Akash Singh
Whoa.
Ralph Barbosa
One of them was saying, like, call 91 1. And the other one was like, shut the up. Like, don't. Don't be a little. And then I was just like, like, I'm just on drugs. Like, I Just time. Time will save me. Like time.
Mark Gagnon
This feels like a very calm argument. If it's three versions of you. It's just you like yo.
Ralph Barbosa
But it was just like fast. It's like, call 91 1. It's like, no, no, no. Then I was like, time. And they're like, no, call 91 1. It's like. And then I would dial like 91 and then I would hang up the phone and be like, nah, don't do it. You ever done so many mushrooms that like your body goes paralyzed?
Mark Gagnon
Nope.
Ralph Barbosa
You know, I've had that like maybe three times where like I'm talking and then as I'm talking, I hear my voice turn into like slow motion motion. So it'll be like, oh, like, like it's like a record.
Akash Singh
Like, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And I'm like, what the. And I was holding my phone and all of a sudden it just dropped it and I just like fell to the ground. And then a couple times when I happened.
Fahim Anwar
Wait, but after the first time that.
Ralph Barbosa
Happened, that didn't stop you from, hey.
Fahim Anwar
Let me not do that much again.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, I was just laughing. But one, one time that it happened, like I did that and then I blacked out and then I woke up up. And then I ran around the hotel for a while and then I blacked out again.
Akash Singh
It was bad.
Ralph Barbosa
It was just a lot of bad.
Akash Singh
Damn.
Ralph Barbosa
That wasn't even my last time doing them. The next week I was like, I could get it right this time.
Andrew Schulz
The next week is crazy.
Mark Gagnon
That's the problem when you're into drugs but also competitive.
Akash Singh
You know what I mean?
Mark Gagnon
That's a bad combo.
Ralph Barbosa
Cuz you don't want to like, it's.
Mark Gagnon
Like an ego thing.
Ralph Barbosa
Like I don't want to just take the loss. I want to be like, n. I'm good on it.
Mark Gagnon
That's how you know you need more mushrooms to get the ego death. Cuz you're just getting enough mushrooms that your ego still.
Andrew Schulz
That's true.
Ralph Barbosa
You need to do 12 people say, say ego death. But I feel like mushrooms like did the opposite of what everybody says it does. Which I love, by the way. Maybe it was like a cure for me. But like, I feel like mushrooms got me out of my feelings.
Mark Gagnon
It got me stimulated. I was having a good time. You are a cokehead. I think that's what happened.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like after mushrooms it's always been easier to like submerge all my feelings.
Andrew Schulz
To like just. Just shove them in a box.
Ralph Barbosa
Shove them in a fucking box. Mushrooms help me Locked that up.
Mark Gagnon
You think you're the type of dude come back from therapy and be like, bro, I am so much angrier.
Ralph Barbosa
I am, I am. I. I signed up for a therapy session one time and I got in the car and I was like, am I doing?
Andrew Schulz
And I just.
Ralph Barbosa
I just didn't even like, call to cancel or nothing. I just went back inside.
Mark Gagnon
Bro, this isn't a podcast. You can't just not show up. You know what I mean? This is a fat fish. You know, that's crazy.
Akash Singh
The.
Ralph Barbosa
The therapist lady that I. I ended up messaging her later to be like, hey, I'm sorry I didn't show up. And, you know, charge me whatever. You got charged me. And this is like a year ago. And she messaged me like three days ago. She's like, if you need help, I'm still here.
Andrew Schulz
She seen some podcasts.
Mark Gagnon
You heard about this boat? She was like, yeah, let's talk.
Ralph Barbosa
Here's the thing that I, that everybody says about therapy, though, is that it's not like this cure thing. It's more like a, like, kind of like medicine where like you kind of. You go and you let it out and then they talk to you and help you feel better. But it's not like this instant like, oh, you're good.
Mark Gagnon
That's like a dentist.
Ralph Barbosa
Like a dentist, right?
Mark Gagnon
You go get kind of tuned up, cleaned up.
Andrew Schulz
My cousin's psychiatrist, he said, you get out of it what you put into it. Like, you gotta. You can't just go and about everybody and then leave and not think about it. You gotta, like, think things through when you're outside of therapy and like, just really keep it on your mind and then you'll start to work through all.
Mark Gagnon
This and you need a good therapist. My therapist. I went one time. This was annoying. I sat down, he was like, by the way, I'm need this couch back by 5 o'.
Akash Singh
Clock.
Mark Gagnon
I was like, this.
Akash Singh
What the.
Mark Gagnon
I just, I sat down one minute ago.
Ralph Barbosa
I just feel like alcohol is good enough.
Mark Gagnon
Like, let's go.
Ralph Barbosa
And it's like therapy too, you know, you feel better for a little bit, and then next week you come back taco again, and you work it out.
Fahim Anwar
That's real Latino.
Mark Gagnon
I love Southerners, bro. This is fire.
Andrew Schulz
This immigrant. I went to therapy. My mom was like, don't tell anybody. She was like, you don't need it. You're not crazy.
Mark Gagnon
She was embarrassed you were around a fake doctor. That's what it was. It's like, I don't want you talking.
Ralph Barbosa
I Think it also has to do with, like, just childhood trauma. Like, crazy would happen as a kid, and then, like, my mom or, like, my grandma or whoever happened in front of my dad, where they'd just be like, hey, don't tell anybody. Like, yeah, that such and such hit you or nothing. And, like, just get over it.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I'll be like, all right, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
My mom wouldn't say get over it, but she would say they could use it against you. And I was like, what? We're not a soap opera here.
Akash Singh
I like that.
Andrew Schulz
It's not succession.
Mark Gagnon
Everything is just like a big 13 years old. Big drama.
Akash Singh
You know what I mean?
Andrew Schulz
Oh, big drama.
Ralph Barbosa
Big drama.
Akash Singh
But.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, but you saw a lot of crazy when you were growing up, right, Your family in the cartel? We talked about that last time.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I mean, I saw some crazy. It's just the. The. The that they would really not want me to talk about about was just like. Like, if my cousin kicked my ass, it'd be like, don't go telling everybody, all right? Because then they're gonna think we're dysfunctional. And I was like, we are getting my ass kicked over here.
Mark Gagnon
Like, Andrew caught an L. You don't want that on your record. You know what I mean? That you're owing three against your cousin.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, I'll tell them. I'll tell everybody. I was a big old. I'll tell everybody.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, but you said on Shay that you were fighting people much bigger than you, and you can now you box. You, like, legit box, right?
Ralph Barbosa
No, I did that for a little bit, but no, I didn't.
Akash Singh
I didn't.
Ralph Barbosa
I didn't really, like, stick to it too often.
Andrew Schulz
But you said when you fought people your size, you them up.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I got a lot of ass whoopings from bigger people, but it made me better. So, yeah, I fought a dude.
Andrew Schulz
He said they had a thing. The in between. Where'd you go? Mosquito High School or east?
Ralph Barbosa
No, no. So this was in middle school. This was advanced in middle school.
Andrew Schulz
Three minutes between classes. Him and his boys would have fight club for two minutes of the three. So two minutes, we then just run. You just punching the out of each other?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I would just run into the restroom and then just be like, who you and you. All right, it.
Akash Singh
Let's go.
Ralph Barbosa
And they just fight one time.
Andrew Schulz
Somebody, a woman need to get back to class.
Akash Singh
We.
Ralph Barbosa
We try to do, like, hey, don't hit in the face, you know, but then you, like, slip up. One time, somebody brought a UFC gloves and. But they. They just had one pair. So, like, one person had, like, a hand. Each was nice, but somebody had to be lefty, you know?
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
That was fun. Fight. I don't know. Fighting is fun. I think, like, as an adult, you know, you got to be more careful because now you got, like, growing man strength. But I think as an adult, every needs to get punched at least, like, twice a year.
Fahim Anwar
That's a little too much.
Ralph Barbosa
Okay, maybe once a year, but in.
Andrew Schulz
A place, you know, you literally die.
Ralph Barbosa
Well, yeah, maybe not like a. You don't need, like, Mike Tyson to punch you, but somebody with, like, Equalish strength needs to just remind you what that feels like.
Mark Gagnon
Punch back in this scenario.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I think, like. Like, we don't got to do a whole purge. I think the world would be a better place if at least once a year, you go in for, like, a check, checkup, and it's you and one other guy, and you just. I get one punch on you, and you get one punch on me.
Mark Gagnon
It's like taxes. Like, every year you have to do it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And you show up.
Andrew Schulz
Chin gotta be chin.
Ralph Barbosa
You gotta remember what it's like to just take one to the face. And it probably also feel good to just punch somebody. That way, when somebody walks into the store you work at, you're not ignoring them when they're asking you for water. Because you're like, this guy might punch me. I better treat them.
Andrew Schulz
Exactly. Pretend you don't speak English. Try to white guilt them. That ain't me. I couldn't believe she tried that. Oh, I'm sorry. My English is not so good.
Ralph Barbosa
I almost spun again, but I was afraid you didn't let me n. I noticed it.
Andrew Schulz
You've been doing it. You haven't stopped. I want you to know you haven't stopped.
Akash Singh
I think I stopped.
Mark Gagnon
Think he's on the boat again.
Ralph Barbosa
I cut back, bro.
Andrew Schulz
No, no.
Ralph Barbosa
It's been going have a dream. You'll relax.
Mark Gagnon
I'm so glad. I've never been in a fight. I've never, like. I've been involved in fights, but I've never been in a fight. No one's ever been. Like, now we're fighting.
Ralph Barbosa
I used to think that it was like a flex to be like, yeah, I've been in fights. That's a bigger flex, though. So I've never been in a fight. This guy just always keeps it cool.
Mark Gagnon
Well, I feel kind of like a. But I've always, like, defused people have wanted to fight me, and then I'd be Like, yo, what. What is the point of all people.
Fahim Anwar
Take advantage of him, though.
Andrew Schulz
He's. He's very. No, he takes advantage of people. What are you talking about? This guy's a sociopath.
Fahim Anwar
Remember that time he was waiting for.
Ralph Barbosa
This, like, six hours or some like.
Fahim Anwar
That, and the guy made him pay or some like that?
Andrew Schulz
Oh, yeah, like, yeah, like, he'll get over like that. But, like, like, with his friends, he, like, he uses the. Out of Miles, and Miles just doesn't say anything about it.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, yeah, he manipulates Miles. He has no experience.
Damian Lemon
We've both never been in fights, so.
Ralph Barbosa
It'S sort of first. Yeah, we could be. We gotta put on. We gotta put on this Mark versus Miles fight.
Andrew Schulz
I would actually love that for Patreon.
Mark Gagnon
That could be beautiful.
Damian Lemon
We got 12 gloves and headgear in a boxing ring.
Mark Gagnon
We would absolutely WWE it. And the whole thing would be scripted.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Moves.
Mark Gagnon
It'd be like luchadors.
Fahim Anwar
No, you got fight for real.
Ralph Barbosa
Do the gear. Just do the gear. Headgear. But, like, I don't do gloves.
Mark Gagnon
Let's just talk about it. You know what I mean? You don't think we could just settle this? Like, I feel like this just was a big miscommunication. You know what I mean? Anytime someone's trying to fight me, it's just like, hey, let's just, you know.
Ralph Barbosa
You'Re going to murder somebody one day.
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Ralph Barbosa
Investment advisory importance I was on Joe Rogan's podcast yesterday.
Andrew Schulz
We got it, bro. Second time you said it.
Ralph Barbosa
Every time I. Every time he brought up somebody that I didn't know, I could see in his face. He's just like, what the.
Mark Gagnon
Wait, like, who do though?
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know. He brought up like. Well, I was reading this book that he had in. In like the lobby of like his studio and. And I know I'm gonna get for this, but I didn't know who Hunter S. Thompson was. And I was reading a Hunter S. Thompson book and I loved it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And I was just like, that's honestly.
Andrew Schulz
Kind of your life right now.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Just traveling and doing crazy drugs.
Ralph Barbosa
Crazy drugs.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Fear and loathing.
Andrew Schulz
Fear and loathing. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I was like, hey, man, is Hunter S. Thompson a dude or a chick?
Andrew Schulz
And he's just like.
Ralph Barbosa
He was just like, huh. That's not a bad question.
Mark Gagnon
The question is not bad.
Andrew Schulz
Here's the thing.
Mark Gagnon
Not knowing isn't bad.
Andrew Schulz
Joe is from Boston. Boston we see as like the whitest place. I have a feeling Ralph grew up super Mexican, super Latino. Hispanic. Whatever.
Akash Singh
Whatever.
Andrew Schulz
This is not. They're not gonna know about Hunter S. Thompson. Yeah, he's probably not gonna know about some Mexican.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
But it's just funny watching. I guarantee you there'd be people Joe didn't know that Ralph would be like, are you kidding me?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, like, you don't know.
Mark Gagnon
You don't know gente.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But to be fair, I mean, I don't have any books of gente, but yeah. And then there was other people that would be like, what's going on there? And he should be like, huh, like you.
Akash Singh
You don't know.
Ralph Barbosa
But it was cool. I just feel kind of bad that, like, so many people go on these podcasts and they share all this knowledge they have, and I kind of just go on these podcasts and like, gather the knowledge. If you listen to, like, these podcasts that I'm on a lot of the time, I'm just gathering information.
Andrew Schulz
What do you've learned so far? What you learned from Shannon?
Ralph Barbosa
From Shannon.
Andrew Schulz
Stay away from white women.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Be careful with that.
Ralph Barbosa
Let your team. Team gather all the information. You know, I think that worked. I feel like all his team gathered.
Andrew Schulz
Information for his episode yeah, yeah. How much do you think he actually knew about you?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, that I'm Mexican.
Mark Gagnon
I'm going to start. You know what I mean?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Fahim Anwar
Do you think he knew who you were? Because I feel like he interviews people and he does.
Ralph Barbosa
No.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. See, I think he's saying I don't.
Ralph Barbosa
Think he knew, but I think he's like a good interview interviewer because it made me feel, like, comfortable and stuff.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Friendly.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, that's what it seems like.
Andrew Schulz
Very affable guy.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, yeah, he was very friendly. He was very friendly, like before we started the interview. So I was like, all right, I feel comfortable with him.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But I'm. I get nervous too, because, like, people who are really good at interviewing, that's like a specialty of theirs. They get you comfortable and then like, boom. Next thing you know, you're saying the name of the woman you love.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Damn.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I gotta stay on my toes.
Andrew Schulz
That's. So if you want to validate me as a good interviewer, you'll let that interview name out.
Ralph Barbosa
You're pretty good interviewer, but nah, you know, sh.
Akash Singh
Yo.
Andrew Schulz
You. If you had said her name on Club Shay or their name. I'm sorry, you had said that, human being name my Club Shay, that would have been.
Ralph Barbosa
Nobody's, like, asked me about my love life like that. I mean, I think on Club Shay, he asked me, like, a little bit about danger.
Andrew Schulz
Something that's a sensitive subject for him right now. For me, I'm. I'm fascinated by it. I love knowing. Especially with comics. He asked about.
Akash Singh
About that.
Andrew Schulz
He said, you know, it's hard to find love because, you know, you're traveling so much.
Ralph Barbosa
I always find it interesting when comics data their comics. I feel like their comics with, like, they're either like, really good mental health or really poor mental health.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
No, in between.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
And I'm be honest, the first group that you mentioned, not many of those.
Ralph Barbosa
Very few.
Andrew Schulz
Very, very few.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm not one of them coming.
Akash Singh
No.
Andrew Schulz
No.
Ralph Barbosa
I want to marry somebody.
Akash Singh
No.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know if I'll get married, but I want to be with somebody who's, like, very different of me. Yeah, I feel like it's way more interesting like that.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
You know, like, I don't. I want her to not like comedy at all.
Andrew Schulz
Hey, that will happen.
Mark Gagnon
Don't worry.
Andrew Schulz
I remember when I first started dating my wife, I was asking, like, you want to come to shows? And I was like, you're gonna get two. Kevin, want to come? I was like, you're gonna get tired of this. And she was like, no, I can never happen. And then like eight years later, I asked her, I said, hey, do you want to come to this show? And she goes, literally, I would rather do anything else.
Ralph Barbosa
That's cool when somebody can be honest with you about that.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
I thought my girl was from the jump. I used to drag her to open mics.
Akash Singh
I don't know.
Ralph Barbosa
You like women.
Mark Gagnon
Just cuz I don't fight, all right? Doesn't mean I won't fight a woman. I'm sorry. That's a dumb.
Andrew Schulz
She was sitting on that for an hour.
Mark Gagnon
He's about to sit on something else.
Ralph Barbosa
This guy's gay.
Mark Gagnon
But I would drag her to open mics and she'd be like, I don't like this. And I was like, yeah, but we get to hang out. You know what I mean? You can like hang, then I'll do the spa and then it's cool. And she goes, I don't want. I would rather not see you.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh.
Mark Gagnon
She's like, I'd rather stay at the house. And then you just see me whenever you're done.
Andrew Schulz
She's right. She was right about that.
Mark Gagnon
And even to this day, I will just talk to her about anything. And it's so hard to even get into the conference combo because she's like, you know, what's. What's going on? I'm like, well, there's this crazy thing happening with this current event and we're trying to figure it out. And she's like, and who is that guy? Like, straight up. She was just like, what? Who is Netanyahu? And I was like, it's funny you ask. And then like, she doesn't know anything, so I just like break down.
Ralph Barbosa
And she's.
Akash Singh
That's great.
Mark Gagnon
She's like, that's crazy.
Andrew Schulz
That's great.
Fahim Anwar
My short is exactly like that.
Mark Gagnon
It's remarkable.
Fahim Anwar
Yeah. She has no idea what the is going on.
Ralph Barbosa
That's awesome.
Fahim Anwar
And she's so happy.
Akash Singh
Yeah, right? Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Like every guest, she's like, what did they do?
Ralph Barbosa
I'm disappointed in myself that I relate more to yalls girlfriends. I also don't know what's going on half the time.
Andrew Schulz
Good, dude.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
You'd make a good girlfriend or I.
Ralph Barbosa
Think I would make a good girlfriend. If I go to prison, I'll be all right.
Akash Singh
Damn, that.
Mark Gagnon
That scares me, bro. I went to a prison recently.
Akash Singh
For what?
Mark Gagnon
Just to go check it out.
Ralph Barbosa
What do you mean? What do you do for fun, bro? Honestly, this kind of prison Tours. Yeah, just like, emailing.
Andrew Schulz
Can he tell you the real. He went with J. Jelly Roll. You know Jelly Roll?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, yeah, I know Jelly Roll.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
So I was with Jelly Roll in Portland. He was like, yo, I'm going to do a concert for the inmates.
Andrew Schulz
Jelly Roll is like a real. He's. And he's.
Mark Gagnon
Because he was in prison for some.
Andrew Schulz
Great guy dude, he'll go perform at prisons because he was incarcerated.
Ralph Barbosa
I didn't know he'd perform at prisons. I've met him. You don't talk about Bert Kreischer.
Andrew Schulz
He will never talk about that publicly. He'll just do it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
That's the kind of guy.
Mark Gagnon
He doesn't get paid for it. He just goes and, like, you think, like, oh, well, this is, like, a thing the prisons do. When he went to the prison, no one had ever performed any type of live action there since, like, 1994.
Akash Singh
Wow.
Mark Gagnon
Stevie Ray Vaughan went to this prison, and he was the next person I.
Ralph Barbosa
Love T. Ray Von.
Mark Gagnon
He was the last one to do it, like, 25 years ago. And so Jelly Roll went. And then he went back, like, two years later, and that's when I was there. And he was like, yo, you want to go?
Ralph Barbosa
What kind of prison is this, though?
Mark Gagnon
This is a max. So, like, people in there for life.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, crazy.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, murders and.
Akash Singh
Say again?
Ralph Barbosa
Like, a lot of murders and.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And great group of guys.
Fahim Anwar
You were going to do comedy, right?
Mark Gagnon
Well, Jayle wanted me to. He was like, yo, will you open the show? Do five minutes?
Akash Singh
Did you?
Mark Gagnon
I was stressing. And he was like, yeah, just come. And I was like, I'd rather just go check it out. He's like, no, no, go.
Andrew Schulz
Go do what I would do.
Mark Gagnon
I was like, I don't know, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
You got to do it just to.
Mark Gagnon
Just for the reps, bro.
Akash Singh
Just.
Ralph Barbosa
Just to try it out.
Mark Gagnon
Just the workshops and stuff.
Ralph Barbosa
When's the last time these guys had somebody, like, bomb in front of them? No, but when's the last time somebody could just be vulnerable in a prison? That's true. They need that, I think. I don't know.
Mark Gagnon
I don't know what I could say. I'm going through my jokes. I'm like, I was gonna do crowd work. I'm like, what do you do?
Akash Singh
All right.
Ralph Barbosa
What did you used to do? What do you want?
Andrew Schulz
What did you do to get in here, get some fun with that?
Fahim Anwar
You would have got punched in the face for the first time.
Akash Singh
Yeah, probably.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, I was stressing. I was like, okay, opening joke. I might just be like, hey, guys, I want, you know, I'm not gonna.
Ralph Barbosa
Pander to any Jeff Ross. Didn't he go and, like, roast prisoners one time?
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, I think so.
Ralph Barbosa
They loved it. Yeah, he's alive, you know, But I stress.
Mark Gagnon
But then the second we got there, apparently, like, the prison's run by a union, and the union boss of the prison or something. I don't know how the hierarchy is, but they were like, yeah, we can't do anything, like, off script, so, like.
Ralph Barbosa
Just stick to the music.
Mark Gagnon
So they were like, music on, guys.
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Akash Singh
That's just.
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Ralph Barbosa
That's what I'm saying.
Mark Gagnon
Lawyers, if you order that, you should get a cut.
Andrew Schulz
If I order the Panera bread, low key. I didn't get my broccoli bowl.
Mark Gagnon
I get ten grand at least.
Unknown
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Mark Gagnon
Little of that lotto.
Unknown
I think they get a bonus.
Akash Singh
Wow.
Unknown
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Damian Lemon
I feel like I'm similar to you except for I have less money. I'm on Facebook, Marketplace all the time.
Ralph Barbosa
What do you like?
Damian Lemon
Clappers and holes and whatever I want.
Andrew Schulz
But I, I son, the second you talk to him, he checked his cell phone. You know how rude that is?
Ralph Barbosa
I'm sorry.
Akash Singh
Just keep blowing. Bro.
Ralph Barbosa
My phone is blowing up.
Akash Singh
Who?
Damian Lemon
I got a couple images here. I want to know what you would pick and why in this situation.
Ralph Barbosa
Catfish Camaro. Catfish Camaro kicks ass.
Andrew Schulz
Why is that called a catfish Camaro?
Ralph Barbosa
Cuz the front looks like a catfish.
Damian Lemon
Yeah, okay, the front of it. But why the Camaro? Is it, is it something you just like?
Ralph Barbosa
Chevy. I like Chevy a little more than Ford most of the time.
Damian Lemon
Why do all Mexicans like Chevy? That's a question I need to know.
Andrew Schulz
I don't know, bro. He was, you know, he pulled this up with that exact question in mind.
Akash Singh
Well, why.
Andrew Schulz
Why do Mexicans like Chevy?
Akash Singh
He.
Andrew Schulz
He had you.
Ralph Barbosa
This was a citizenship test. They're actually both Mustangs. But I see the Camaro.
Damian Lemon
Why is that?
Andrew Schulz
I don't know.
Damian Lemon
Every Mexican I knew wanted a Silverado.
Ralph Barbosa
I know a lot of Mexicans who like Fords. Really?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Damian Lemon
I feel like a Silverado.
Ralph Barbosa
I think the best truck you could buy right Now, Yeah. Is an F150 from like 90s. F150s are like beautiful, don't get me wrong. But like the best performing truck you could get is from 20. He's like 28 to 18 to now the single cab F155.0.
Damian Lemon
I mean, single cabs are dead. Five zero is about to be dead, so. Makes a lot of sense.
Ralph Barbosa
Those trucks are like the fastest trucks out there right now. Yeah, they're fire. They call them Mexican GTRs.
Damian Lemon
That's very funny.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know about like every state, but like in a lot of. You see it a lot in Texas, they tune those and they're just twin. A twin turbo single cab F150 with a five zero is like rear wheel drive.
Damian Lemon
They rip.
Ralph Barbosa
They're all wheel drive. Oh, really?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Damn. So like against other trucks, like they're undefeated, I think.
Mark Gagnon
Can you explain slab riding? Like, why do people like slabs?
Akash Singh
Oh, I don't know.
Ralph Barbosa
I guess it's more like a Houston thing than like Texas thing. I guess they're just loud music. It looks nice. But they. They do it to cars that look good but are usually slow. So I don't. I think they just stuck to like. Well, let's just keep it slow then.
Andrew Schulz
You know you Houston more than Dallas?
Akash Singh
More.
Ralph Barbosa
I mean, I'm from Dallas, man. Dallas is my hometown. But Houston is fun. Houston sells my shows out quicker than Dallas.
Andrew Schulz
I have the same.
Ralph Barbosa
You too?
Andrew Schulz
Same.
Ralph Barbosa
That's crazy.
Andrew Schulz
That's why both of my specials, the first one's like 20 minutes, but I filmed both in Houston. Oh, I have things in Houston.
Ralph Barbosa
I almost filmed my. My last one in Houston.
Andrew Schulz
Done.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I don't understand it. I feel like in general, I don't know about the Latino culture, but I vibe better with Houston people. They seem a little more down to earth, but I'm talking like Indian, white people, black people. Like. Yeah, I just vibe better with them. Seems like maybe.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like my next special I'll probably do like Houston or Chicago. Those two cities. I don't know, man. They show a lot of love.
Andrew Schulz
That's crazy.
Ralph Barbosa
Which is crazy too, because Dallas and Houston have like a rivalry for some reason.
Andrew Schulz
But Houston shows love, dude. And Paul Wall told me he got love in Dallas before he got love in Houston. It's a weird thing.
Akash Singh
Yeah, that's weird. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
But he was like, yeah. Cuz I remember telling him, he came to a show and I was like, yo, I feel like I'm getting more love here.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, hold on. This is More important.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah. Yes.
Damian Lemon
Single cab slam Chevy Silverado.
Ralph Barbosa
The Silverado. That Silverado looks tough as far as like that generation. Chevys are better tough. Yeah, I like those better. What do you drive?
Andrew Schulz
Let's take that.
Ralph Barbosa
You don't have a car. That's such a New York thing.
Akash Singh
I know, dude.
Mark Gagnon
That's why he'll never move here, bro. He's not gonna drive the ride the train.
Akash Singh
You know what I mean?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I mean I like the train. Like it's freeing sometimes too, but. Yeah, I gotta drive some something.
Damian Lemon
All right.
Akash Singh
Charger.
Andrew Schulz
Not even close.
Damian Lemon
Charger Impala.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, I'm still going. Why? Yeah, I've still go Impala Charger dog.
Andrew Schulz
That looks.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know why that Charger looks heavy.
Damian Lemon
Yeah, they're both boats. They're not moving fast, but for sure is way sicker. I don't know why the Impala sicker.
Ralph Barbosa
You got more of these Charger guys. Were you making these the entire.
Damian Lemon
I was making this while you guys were talking, so I only got a couple.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, that's awesome. Let's do this.
Ralph Barbosa
I get the. I had that car. Which 350 Infinity or the 350 Infinity?
Damian Lemon
You know black people love Infinity.
Mark Gagnon
Is it bad?
Andrew Schulz
Infinity.
Damian Lemon
Black people love Nissans and Infinities. I don't know why Mexicans love Chevys.
Andrew Schulz
There's.
Damian Lemon
There are rules here and I don't know why.
Andrew Schulz
I don't know about that. I know Indians love Toyotas and Hondas. Toyota more so.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah.
Damian Lemon
Cuz they're like.
Ralph Barbosa
You guys know what to invest into.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Resale value is the best. I the Infinity G35, I think it's like a better car. I think.
Akash Singh
Right.
Ralph Barbosa
The 350Z is going to be way funner, way more fun. It's always we're made, we're like ready to drift.
Damian Lemon
Yeah, they're sick.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
What would you pick? The 350Z.
Mark Gagnon
I'm so white. I look at both these, I fear they're just like grandma cars.
Ralph Barbosa
I bought a 350Z from a dude who looks like he could be Mark's cousin. The dude looked like he was on med. He's cool. What the.
Mark Gagnon
My cousin.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Dream a drug addict Marauder.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, I'd get the I. I love the gto but I'd get the Marauder.
Damian Lemon
The Marauders are so sick.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I know. They're harder to find I think than the GTOs.
Damian Lemon
Yeah, they're awesome.
Andrew Schulz
Yo, you vibe with Carlos Miller on this? Carlos be doing this he be fixing up cars?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I've never met him in person, but he'll send me, like, car videos sometimes.
Andrew Schulz
He's great.
Akash Singh
Dude.
Andrew Schulz
That's the man.
Damian Lemon
Do you like German cars?
Ralph Barbosa
I do.
Mark Gagnon
How is this even comparable? I don't even understand.
Damian Lemon
I'm just saying, you got the. The money, you got to look. One of them is way more like, scary to buy, which is $160,000 or 160,000 mile SLK bends.
Akash Singh
Yeah, the.
Ralph Barbosa
I still go SLK, though, but I wouldn't go convertible.
Andrew Schulz
Is that GTI stick shift? I. I miss. I miss driving.
Akash Singh
Manual.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, manual.
Mark Gagnon
How is the GTI even in the conversation? Like, why is that called?
Andrew Schulz
People like, souping that up.
Mark Gagnon
That's a hatchback.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Damian Lemon
GT are cool. They have history.
Ralph Barbosa
People soup those up.
Andrew Schulz
My first car was viable civic hatchback that people si. And people who like souping up cars would be like, y. I'll buy that car from you on the spot.
Akash Singh
Oh, yeah.
Damian Lemon
Especially in Texas.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
How many cars do you have? Do you have a collection or not?
Andrew Schulz
No, no, no, no, no. I'm. I'm here. So I'm in New York. I got one car.
Ralph Barbosa
You got one car?
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. I want a minivan real bad, though.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like I would save money in New York. You want a minivan?
Andrew Schulz
I want a minivan.
Akash Singh
You have.
Ralph Barbosa
You have kids already?
Akash Singh
Nah. No.
Ralph Barbosa
How many kids do you want to have?
Andrew Schulz
2 to 3.
Akash Singh
I deal with.
Ralph Barbosa
Get on there, brother.
Akash Singh
I know.
Andrew Schulz
I am trying.
Damian Lemon
Speaking of vans. Speaking of vans, this is a clapper edition. Which clapper? You.
Ralph Barbosa
This is like the between two evils. Like.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
This is clapped out astro van. Absolutely.
Ralph Barbosa
Beaner and beaner.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I go van because you could live in it.
Andrew Schulz
That's what I want to do. I want to take a van and take it on the road. That would be modified.
Ralph Barbosa
If I didn't have a kid, I would live in a van.
Akash Singh
Really? Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
How old now? Six.
Ralph Barbosa
He's six. How did you damn math?
Andrew Schulz
You heard three years ago he was three.
Ralph Barbosa
Damn. I was here. I was here a minute ago.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
So how's he doing now?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, man, he's. He hates my job. He likes it. And then he don't like me to leave, though. But he says he wants to be a comedian.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Every time he says he wants to be a comedian, like, it warms my heart. But then I think about all the drugs I've done, and I'm like, nah, yeah, do something else.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
You know, I'm like, be a police officer.
Andrew Schulz
You know, it helped him not be a comedian. You get to therapy?
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Andrew Schulz
You keep leaving this kid, he's going to be like, I have issues. I got to work out, and I'm going to be a comedian.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, man. He's with me like, half the week, so I think that's pretty good. And then the other half, I'm out here. That sounds insane to somebody who, like, just lives with their kids.
Andrew Schulz
You know? He gave me fine, dude.
Fahim Anwar
You never bring him on the road with you.
Andrew Schulz
He's 50% of the most.
Akash Singh
Makes sense. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I've taken him to, like, two road gigs.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah. How was that?
Ralph Barbosa
It's always. He likes traveling, though. It just. I took him to Denver and I took him to Houston. The Houston one was tough because my dad was out there with me and my stepmom, and he was with me like, two days, and then on the third day, he had to drive back to Dallas with my dad and my stepmom, and he was, like, sad to go and stuff. But the other one, we flew to Denver and then flew back with me, and now he's just like, let's go back to Denver. We want to see the snow. I'm like, bro, it's summer. Like, it's not snowing right now. They don't get it yet, you know? That's so sweet. Kids. Kids don't understand. Not the best. Just the kid.
Mark Gagnon
Was it crazy showing him the venue? Like, did he walk on a stage at all?
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, he didn't really give a about it. He's like, I don't want to see that.
Mark Gagnon
That's a good sign, right?
Ralph Barbosa
Awesome.
Mark Gagnon
That's a great sign.
Ralph Barbosa
I love that. He's just more there for, like, the other experience.
Andrew Schulz
He just wants to be with you, dude. He could not care less that you're famous.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
For real. N. We were at a. We're at the mall, and I wore shades in a hat because I just. I don't, like. I don't get recognized, like, a crazy amount. But that day I was like, I don't want to.
Andrew Schulz
Mall in Dallas?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
North Park.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I just didn't want to get recognized or somebody. Sometimes people take pictures of me.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, I'll get a picture of me taken without me knowing, and I get, like, tagged in it, and I don't want that to happen when I'm with my kid. Yeah, I'm out there.
Mark Gagnon
My ass was walking on the street with my kid, eating a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on the street. How old's Your kid nine months or ten months?
Ralph Barbosa
Like, tiny?
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, he's a little baby. But I was walking, and some dude walks up. He's like, yo, love the podcast. I was like, oh, just, like, eating peanut butter on the street, like, looking crazy.
Akash Singh
Crazy. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
My hair is even frizzier than this. I was like, I should probably not be outside, because I don't even. I don't even think about people saying, what's up to me.
Ralph Barbosa
I'll go sloppy everywhere.
Mark Gagnon
It's embarrassing.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, it's all right.
Mark Gagnon
I don't like it. I. I feel. I always want to apologize. Hey, I'm sorry that I'm. I am this way.
Ralph Barbosa
My son be wanting to expose me, though. Like, I was wearing the hats and the shades, and my son wanted to grab the shades, and I was like, nah, don't take them off. And this. It caught me off guard that he, like, said this. He was like. He's like, why don't you want to take them off? He's like, you don't want people to know you're Ralph Barbosa.
Akash Singh
Oh.
Andrew Schulz
And then he goes crazy.
Ralph Barbosa
He goes, I'm gonna yell. I'm gonna be like, everybody is Ralph. I'm like, yo, you really made a little you.
Mark Gagnon
That's crazy, because that's exactly what you would say to you.
Ralph Barbosa
One time, I think he was with his mom one time, she was telling me that she took him somewhere recently, and I guess they went to a store where, like, I've taken pictures of the people there before or something.
Akash Singh
Something.
Ralph Barbosa
And that she told my kid, like, oh, yeah, these people are fans of your dad. And apparently, he went up to the register, was like, I'm my dad's son. And they're just like, all right. Like, they don't know. They don't know who the.
Mark Gagnon
You're talking about trying to get candy.
Akash Singh
And.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, give me this.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, all right, bro, get the out here. Well, I like being a dad, man. I don't know if I could have more kids. One time, they told me my semen was, like, not up to par.
Andrew Schulz
And, like, something about that chair.
Ralph Barbosa
Sorry, but I kind of want to go to the doctor and, like, get my nut fixed.
Andrew Schulz
Well, so Andrew had the same issue. Slow swimmers, I think his issue. But you can ivf. You can get that taken care of.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, they told me it's like, slow swimmers. Very few swimmers. And a lot of them are not shaped right. Like, yes. Eaten months.
Mark Gagnon
You want to run that back?
Ralph Barbosa
I'm pretty sure it's been months.
Andrew Schulz
Now that I Heard that. I heard too much marijuana can affect your sperm.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, yeah, I could see that for sure. I also heard it's like, boxers. You ever get these ads that are like. They make you feel stupid for, like, stuff that you just were doing innocently?
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, like the underwear one. I think I know what.
Ralph Barbosa
You know what? Organic underwear or whatever, they're like. Like, yo, idiot, you still wearing polyester boxers? Yeah, I don't know. Maybe.
Andrew Schulz
I wore the ones in the store that they sold.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, they're like, no, that can up your. Your sperm.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I've seen that exact commercial, bro.
Mark Gagnon
That happens so much with parenting stuff. Like, I get TikToks or, like, Instagram reels all the time. That's like, yo, are you playing music for your kid? Because it can affect their hearing. They'll be deaf forever.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And then I'm like, is this real?
Ralph Barbosa
Like, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
And then you'll see another one. It's like, you need to play music all the time to expose them to different sounds.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, okay, you fucking up no matter what.
Mark Gagnon
Exactly.
Akash Singh
Exactly.
Ralph Barbosa
You have to do our best.
Akash Singh
You have kids, bro?
Fahim Anwar
Nah, no kids.
Akash Singh
Well, go ahead.
Andrew Schulz
He's killed a few before they were born.
Ralph Barbosa
Jesus.
Mark Gagnon
Brutal.
Ralph Barbosa
How do you kill them before they're born, though?
Andrew Schulz
Ask Texas.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, he's in Texas. He doesn't even know what that is.
Andrew Schulz
This guy's not allowed within state lines, dude. He tried to fly to Austin. They stopped him at the border. There's one postage of this guy everywhere in Texas.
Ralph Barbosa
I can see that.
Fahim Anwar
I don't think I want kids.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah.
Fahim Anwar
Yeah, I don't think so.
Ralph Barbosa
I guess. I guess it's.
Andrew Schulz
I guess it's good.
Fahim Anwar
I still got time if I change my mind, but. Right now? Yeah, I don't think so.
Mark Gagnon
Really?
Akash Singh
Yeah. Why? I don't know.
Fahim Anwar
It's just not calling me. You know how you guys, like, want kids? Like, he wants kids.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm like, look, man, I'm going to bring this up for the third time, but I did Joe Rogan's podcast. He told me there's a shortage in Japan of people.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Which you wouldn't think, right? I mean, you watch Tokyo Drift, you see the scene where they go through.
Mark Gagnon
All the people also 10 times, Rob Japan, for the record, a little weeb, little weed.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm worried about Japan. They have a shortage of people. They can't replace the people that are there.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So. And then Joe showed me a picture of some guy who's, like, in a relationship with an anime character.
Akash Singh
And then.
Andrew Schulz
So then you want to be that guy?
Ralph Barbosa
I want to be that character. No, but that's like some scary. Don't be that guy, bro.
Fahim Anwar
Why?
Ralph Barbosa
It's better you be a shitty father than not a father at all.
Mark Gagnon
That's a good point.
Andrew Schulz
I never disagreed with anything more in.
Ralph Barbosa
My life for the sake of our economy.
Fahim Anwar
Think my dad took that advice.
Ralph Barbosa
Have a kid and then just leave.
Damian Lemon
Why?
Ralph Barbosa
It's cuz we need to not be Japan. Why? Why is it a bad.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, you didn't say anything about why it's bad. You just.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know. Joe Rogan said it's bad, man.
Andrew Schulz
But Joe's with his kids.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, it's true. But he said that it's bad for Japan.
Andrew Schulz
That.
Ralph Barbosa
Because that's like really bad.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
They got a negative birth rate. More old people than young people.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So people will die, right?
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I get, I understand. I understand that part. But why is that so bad?
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know. I don't necessarily understand the economy of.
Mark Gagnon
A few people can't support a bunch of pensioners that don't work.
Ralph Barbosa
I. I would die off. I would imagine this is just high school diploma talking.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
I would imagine that there's like not gonna be enough jobs being taken care of. Like if there's three farmers working on a farm but they didn't have kids or whatever, who's gonna like take over the farm? There's no farm. Who's gonna make the weird.
Andrew Schulz
But once those old people die now the population just shrinks and now we're back. It's a short term problem. I think it's like a 20 old year. Your problem. Once these old people die, we're all good.
Fahim Anwar
And AI and robots are taking most jobs anyway.
Ralph Barbosa
I would like to see that's also.
Fahim Anwar
Probably a better thing.
Andrew Schulz
Valid point.
Ralph Barbosa
I need you three guys to go on Joe Rogan next or I need you guys to go with me next time I do it because you probably won't be invited, but I will. And every time he brings up a subject, I congregate with you guys. And then we rebuttal. The Epstein thing. What's going on? Who's going to jail?
Mark Gagnon
He's a pedophile.
Andrew Schulz
No one's going to jail. That we've learned. No one's going to jail. Hey, you know, apparently nothing happened.
Ralph Barbosa
No, that's insane. That's so insane.
Andrew Schulz
So Mark could probably tell you more about what actually happened.
Ralph Barbosa
Tom Hanks was on the list.
Andrew Schulz
Okay.
Mark Gagnon
I don't know if that's true.
Ralph Barbosa
I need to Know if I can.
Andrew Schulz
I don't believe Tom Hanks or not. I don't believe Tom Hanks on the list. I think people who get really deep in the conspiracy start saying Tom Hanks is on the list. But I don't think he's actually on the list.
Ralph Barbosa
I really hope he's not. I need him to not be on that list.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I love Tom Hanks.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, I agree.
Ralph Barbosa
What's your.
Andrew Schulz
What's your favorite Tom Hanks movie?
Ralph Barbosa
Toy Story.
Andrew Schulz
The one where you don't see him at all this.
Ralph Barbosa
His voice.
Mark Gagnon
The one where he's getting played with.
Ralph Barbosa
By a kid or maybe.
Mark Gagnon
That'S kind of crazy, bro. That's wild. The one where he's a little Woody.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm connecting the dots. One stop connecting.
Mark Gagnon
A kid is playing with him. A kid's touching him, and he's Woody.
Ralph Barbosa
I was gonna bring up another movie, but it's still just the pedophilia. I was gonna say big, big grown woman. Tom Hanks, bro.
Mark Gagnon
All the writings on the wall. You're connected to the dots.
Ralph Barbosa
Really?
Mark Gagnon
Welcome to it.
Ralph Barbosa
The Matrix.
Mark Gagnon
Tom Hanks in the Matrix.
Ralph Barbosa
So nobody.
Fahim Anwar
If he was on the list. Would you stop lagging?
Ralph Barbosa
If he was on the list was.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Those movies would hit way different.
Ralph Barbosa
I mean, I just, like, ever since I even heard the rumor, I just can't watch Tom Hanks movie without just wondering, like, half the movie, I'm like, this guy is so talented. And then the other half, I'm like, but he's twisted.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I don't think Tom Hanks in the West. I just don't think so.
Ralph Barbosa
Maybe you're in love with Tom Hanks.
Andrew Schulz
Maybe. Maybe I choose to believe the good and bad Tom Hanks, you know, it's an underrated Tom Hanks movie. Seen the terminal?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
That cracks.
Akash Singh
Did you ever hear.
Ralph Barbosa
Did you ever read about the true story of the terminal?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
The dude that lived in the airport.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, the dude lived in the airport. And he was not as handsome as Tom Hanks. Tell you that right now.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
He got an upgrade in the casting on that.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And then they, like, gave him citizenship.
Akash Singh
Right.
Ralph Barbosa
And then he didn't like living in the outside, so he went back to live at the airport. And then he died at the airport. Like.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
Can we get an image of the dude?
Akash Singh
Dude, yeah.
Mark Gagnon
He literally just posted an airport for, like, 25 years.
Ralph Barbosa
If I saw that guy at the airport, I would report him.
Fahim Anwar
You're allowed to do that.
Mark Gagnon
One guy.
Andrew Schulz
I would snitch.
Ralph Barbosa
Yo, look at him. I'D be like that guy.
Andrew Schulz
I don't think he's that bad looking.
Ralph Barbosa
That guy's on the Epstein list.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, he just looks Middle Eastern.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, bro, look at that mustache.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, Middle Eastern.
Damian Lemon
He's Iranian.
Andrew Schulz
Bang.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I said.
Damian Lemon
And he was like stateless if I remember.
Akash Singh
Chocolate.
Ralph Barbosa
Look at his eyes. Eyes.
Andrew Schulz
I don't think he's that ugly. He just bald.
Fahim Anwar
He's no Tom Hanks though.
Ralph Barbosa
He's no Tom Hanks.
Andrew Schulz
That's a fact. Okay, I didn't know Tom Hanks was hot.
Ralph Barbosa
You can tell me that guy's not that ugly. Come on. I don't stop doing drugs. That's me in 10 years. I'm terminal part two.
Mark Gagnon
I don't even know how that happens though. Like, you just try to. You like, miss your flight and you're like, it. I'm living live here now.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, I think the story was that he. He's flying to America. And as he's flying in, his country ceases to exist.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Due to war. They infiltrate his country and like, they took it over. He's a citizen of like, nowhere. So he can't.
Damian Lemon
Stateless.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So he can't even leave the airport because it's like, illegal. He's like, he walk through custom. Beautiful.
Mark Gagnon
I've never seen it.
Ralph Barbosa
What's the girl's name? Movie Catherine.
Andrew Schulz
She looks gorgeous in that movie.
Ralph Barbosa
Well, she was going. She was on a run during that little era.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
She Ocean did 12. Yeah.
Fahim Anwar
She's still. I know.
Mark Gagnon
Wait, but what country he's from? You said he's a Persian.
Damian Lemon
He was from.
Andrew Schulz
The actual person's Iranian, but in the movie they like, make up a country.
Damian Lemon
Yeah, they put him in some made up country in the movie.
Akash Singh
Whoa.
Fahim Anwar
I still don't get how does he just stay in the airport though?
Andrew Schulz
Because they can't let him into America because he's not a citizen.
Damian Lemon
He's in Paris. They can't let him into France. Airports are not actually part of the country.
Ralph Barbosa
Wait, he was in. He was in Paris? Yeah, he's in Paris.
Andrew Schulz
No, in the real story.
Ralph Barbosa
In the real story, he was in Paris.
Damian Lemon
Oh, so sorry.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, I didn't know that.
Fahim Anwar
I mean, but was he rich? Like, how's he feeding himself? How's he like.
Damian Lemon
People would like, donate and give him food.
Mark Gagnon
He was coffee bean. You know what I mean?
Andrew Schulz
You're just eating. If you watch. If you watch the movie, which to me is the real story.
Damian Lemon
He's also like homies with all he.
Ralph Barbosa
Really hustles there yeah, people that work there would like them.
Damian Lemon
They gave him like a little corner could sleep in.
Mark Gagnon
I thought it was a love story. I thought he falls in love at the airport. I thought that's what the movie was.
Andrew Schulz
Watch the movie.
Ralph Barbosa
Just masturbated in an airport a lot. That's Hollywood.
Mark Gagnon
No. What am I thinking? A missed connection. Is that, Is that a movie where people fall in love in the airport? Joe, I really thought this was a love story. I swear to God, I had no idea. This movie sounds awesome. That's wild.
Andrew Schulz
It's a beautiful film.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Tom Hanks not on the list. I can't. I can't see it.
Damian Lemon
I also think he's not attached to the list. I think he's attached to some, like, glove.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, it's another different conspiracy where he's like post stuff on Instagram. People look into it and they're like, look, he's. He's doing the. He's part of this big.
Damian Lemon
It's much more like hair brained. It's less. Less.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, he'll just post a glove and people are like, this is a sign he killed someone.
Damian Lemon
You can, you can keep watching Toy Story.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, I don't think he's connected to Epstein. Oh, no, but he did react when Ricky Gervais did the jokes about Epstein. He was like, so people are like, oh, he's involved because his reaction.
Ralph Barbosa
Ah, yeah, they're reaching.
Mark Gagnon
Yeah, I think it's a reach.
Andrew Schulz
If he was actually on. If he was actually involved, he would laugh to lie. That's what actual actors always do. When someone else wins the Oscar and they all pretend they're happy, they're like all lying.
Ralph Barbosa
No, that's what he would do. They're happy. Come on, don't be so cynical. Are you not happy for the comics when they get like, you know what I mean? Okay, but you don't lie about it. So give the act.
Andrew Schulz
I'm not an actor. Actors are liars by profession. You pretend to be someone else. That's like your whole job.
Fahim Anwar
He's so hur. Right now. He wanted to be an actor. He's like, don't call my profession.
Andrew Schulz
Sunday I'm going to be hanging out.
Ralph Barbosa
With Tom Hanks and Brett Crackpit and we're gonna look down on you.
Andrew Schulz
Akash, I hope that I. Dude, I pray that happens for you. Just stay away from the children.
Ralph Barbosa
I wouldn't.
Akash Singh
You now.
Andrew Schulz
I don't even talk to my own kid.
Akash Singh
He is.
Mark Gagnon
He's doing a great job.
Ralph Barbosa
Come on. Who you talking to, huh? I don't think. I don't think I could make it as an actor. I didn't think about it, but when I did that Verizon commercial, like, it was like, all day filming.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But then that was it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
One day. That's it. Actors do that for, like, months at a time. If I did. If I did any acting, which I think would be fun still, I would have to do small roles. Like, I.
Akash Singh
You know, I mean.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, but, you know, I don't think you need to be the lead. I would love to be just like the comedic side character and a thing. But before, that's how you used to make it. This is what I was saying before you get in a movie or TV show and then people be like, oh, that's Ralph Barbosa. And then they would find out you did stand up and see your stand up bro.
Ralph Barbosa
Something. It's the opposite that I realized a little too late in life is that, like, middle spots are, like, the sweetest, like, even in comedy.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, feature.
Mark Gagnon
I can't believe you would say that, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
Feature spots are sweet.
Akash Singh
You have to.
Andrew Schulz
He has to leave. He has to catch a flight to go headline. Actually, Mark, where you headline.
Ralph Barbosa
Where you headline in next week?
Mark Gagnon
Oh, I'm going to be in Detroit and then Montreal and Toronto.
Akash Singh
Bang.
Andrew Schulz
There you go. Go Cash. Mark Gagginon. Suck his dick.
Mark Gagnon
Also, before. Before the show, I told Ralph I had to leave, and he was like, yeah, just at some point, just pretend.
Ralph Barbosa
To be offended and get out. Is that. I think middle spots, they're good.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
You got to dream bigger, bro.
Ralph Barbosa
His father was killed by a sandwich.
Mark Gagnon
I told you that in confidence. Don't bring that up. Edit that out. How dare you.
Ralph Barbosa
Sorry about that.
Mark Gagnon
I'll see y'.
Akash Singh
All.
Andrew Schulz
I love you, buddy.
Akash Singh
Love y'. All.
Ralph Barbosa
It's like a castle entrance.
Andrew Schulz
So you miss being a feature?
Ralph Barbosa
I. I got to feature for a short amount of time, but I never featured for anybody, like, on the road a lot.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Like to be touring with somebody.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But, yeah, I feel like that's, like.
Andrew Schulz
It's the best.
Ralph Barbosa
It's a good spot, you know, don't give me.
Andrew Schulz
If they give you 20 and let you rock 20, 25. Oh, God.
Ralph Barbosa
If you can make a living off of that. And I have to, like, really deal with a whole lot of. But then again, I'm. I'm. I sound so ungrateful. I wouldn't trade.
Andrew Schulz
No, I know. And I think. And I'm not even saying this, I think you have a healthy ego. It's not even a shot. I think you have a healthy, like I'm gonna be big and I think that's good. I think need that. So I, I don't think you'd be happy being a feature. I think you're you. I think you're going up and you want to keep going up.
Fahim Anwar
Yeah. Cuz then if you're a feature, you'll never know people are there for you.
Ralph Barbosa
This true, but it's still sweet. It's a sweet spot.
Andrew Schulz
What he's saying is as a gig. So like I didn't feature a ton on the road either, but I'll look at my features and they'll do 20 and get off and they're done. And then I have to go to an hour and it's like, oh, your job is. Is easier.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
It's just a fun G. Yeah. This is more pressure and it's better. But it's. It's like the weight of the thing is on me. If you bomb, I'm coming to clean it up.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
If I bomb, what the happens? You know what I mean? People are posting about it, blah, blah, blah. So it's just like as a gig, it's the best gig.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I would not trade lives, but it's best gig.
Ralph Barbosa
The feedback can be on you. Like good or bad reviews.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But if the feature just goes out there and does bad, they're like, who gives a. I didn't come to see him.
Andrew Schulz
But the show was so good.
Ralph Barbosa
If he does good, everybody's like, oh my God. Yeah. So much funnier.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. If you funnier than. And it's less time and the audience is already warm and you just do your best and get out. So sometimes they'll be like that, you know, you were better than the feature or you're better than the headline. I used to get that. Never want to open for Andrew, obviously. But like other people. Yo, you were better than the headliner. It's like, yeah, maybe. But also they. I had an easier gig.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I would tell people all the time I did like 15 minutes. They did like an hour.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
It's not fair.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
But how is your act change since you're doing an hour now? Now, like are you digging in deeper? Are you getting in any personal stuff? You don't have to. I'm just curious.
Ralph Barbosa
Nah. I mean I've always, I feel like my materials always kind of ranged. I mean it's always silly either way. But I feel like lately, like the last few months I'VE been doing a lot of crowd work just because I'm tired of hearing my own act, and I've had a little bit of, like, writer's block.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I've just enjoyed the crowd work more.
Andrew Schulz
It's just been fun. So fun. It's the most honest moment.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
You know what I mean? Some people.
Ralph Barbosa
I know. I know. Like, I got maybe, like, two, three messages where they're just like, hey, man, I went to your show and, like, you did, like, a few jokes, and then you just did a lot of crowd work. Yeah, I just wanted to see jokes.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And I, like. I get it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And I don't really post a lot of crowd work because I also don't want people to, like, expect crowd work and just start yelling a lot. But, yeah, it's been fun.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I just need a little break from the script.
Akash Singh
He. Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah.
Mark Gagnon
I.
Andrew Schulz
That's what people. So when I first started before YouTube, before, like, if you need to put a clip up every week, you can't do a new joke every week. You'll burn out. So now we all do crowd work, but back then, people would judge it. And I was like, doug, that is the only real moment we're having. 98% of what I say is off the top. Some. One or two things I'll probably reuse, but every joke I've been working on, I do it in every city. It's like an. It's a script.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
This is not. This is real. This is us having a thing.
Ralph Barbosa
I love that. I like doing jokes. Jokes, too, that are like. Like, you. What do you call it? Like, fill in the blank type jokes, depending on the city.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, I was doing this joke. So I'll ask, though, before the show starts, I'll ask, like, the staff, like, what's, like, the ghettoest neighborhood around?
Akash Singh
You know?
Ralph Barbosa
So, like, I started doing it in Dallas. I'd be like. The joke was like, pleasant Grove or whatever.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I would use Pleasant Grove.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So I'd go on stage, I'd be like. Like, I don't like when people act like they're too good for, like, junk food. Like, they, like, look down on junk food. Like, I was out with a girl, and. And I was like, oh, look, there's a food truck. We could just eat there. And she was like, I don't trust food trucks. I was like, you mean you don't trust. You think he's gonna drive off and get, like, a little laugh? And then she'd be like, no, I mean, I Don't like it. Like, what if they don't have a good health rating? Or like, what if it's not sanitary?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And then I'd be like, girl, I picked you up in Pleasant Grove.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And then, you know, it'd be like, ah. So then, like, I like doing that. That stuff on the road, yo, they love. Because then I'll change.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I'll say like, oh, I'll pick you up in the Bronx. And yeah. It's like, oh, he gets it.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But then I also like to take it a step further and, like, let people know. Like, hey, like. Like, break the fourth wall. Like, y' all know I do this. I do this with a different neighborhood. Like, you're like, it's stupid, you know?
Andrew Schulz
No, that's great though, because they also. They wanna. They wanna know you're part of the thing and that you're talking about something that only they know. And like, if you're doing a Mexican show and talk about some. That only Mexican people know know, they love it. If I'm doing an Indian show and I'm talking about some inside, they love it. So it's the same thing. If I'm in San Diego, it's a.
Ralph Barbosa
Little more intimate like that. I love to. I love to like, break away from my own act. Even before I started doing crowd work, I would just, like, at some point in my show, I would like, give people a behind the scenes on, like, that joke. Like, you know, I wrote that and I was like, taking a.
Akash Singh
Yes. Wow.
Andrew Schulz
Why you like the doing that? I'm curious. I'm not even.
Ralph Barbosa
I feel like if I. If I just do a whole hour of like, joke after joke or like, joke story, joke, it can be very. I feel like people can tune out more and even I get bored of it.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
But I get bored easily. I don't know. I don't know if it's like a.
Andrew Schulz
No, I think most people get bored easily now. We got phones all the time.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
So I got to think of some way to like, break the fourth wall. Get a little, like, keep them.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah. Some new stimulus. That's a great idea. Yeah, that's good.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
I'm curious because typically, how many years in you now?
Akash Singh
Eight.
Andrew Schulz
Nine. Nine.
Ralph Barbosa
I'm like nine. Almost 10, I think.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
10 years and then 15 years and then 20 years. The act just keeps evolving. And it's going to be interesting to see because you blew up pretty quick, like we said, so you got about 14, 15 years left of evolving. And you're still going to be headlining. So, like, this is awesome. Your first Hulu Special, Planet Bosa is different than your last Netflix special. And then in 10 years, you're going to put out a special on whatever streamer or whatever that's going to be so different than this. And your fans get to, like, really follow you on the journey, which is going to be cool.
Ralph Barbosa
You know, I actually like the Planet Bosa special a little more than my last special.
Andrew Schulz
That's great.
Akash Singh
Yeah. I.
Ralph Barbosa
But I actually feel like it's. Because it devolved.
Andrew Schulz
What do you mean?
Ralph Barbosa
Like, I feel like my Netflix special was hard for me to tell if. If I really like the jokes I was saying or not, like, getting laughs. It. I was using it. You know what I mean? And, like, it was cool. Whatever. But I feel like when I did this Hulu Special, I had already had more experience on the road and gotten way more comfortable that I got to just be myself on stage. Awesome. So, like, cowabung. I was, like, very, very nervous. Like bricks. I was like. But I feel like with the Hula Hulu one, I was just way more myself. I felt like I got to be like an older version of myself. Yeah, well, who knows? I don't know.
Andrew Schulz
But that's. Again, that's part of it. I don't even think. I don't even think it's devolving. I think it's, like, part of it. And you are. You're gonna keep growing.
Mark Gagnon
You're.
Andrew Schulz
I'm 41. You're 28. I remember that. I'm a very different person in comic than I was in those 13 years. I mean, I wasn't that good then, but it's gonna. That's gonna be the same thing for you.
Mark Gagnon
Whatever.
Andrew Schulz
Devolve, evil. It's all grown, growth.
Akash Singh
I see.
Ralph Barbosa
I see a lot of, like, comics that I think are very funny. Like, comics that I'm a fan of.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Online. And I start to wonder, like, bro, should I be reading more?
Akash Singh
No.
Ralph Barbosa
Like, I feel like a lot of comics are, like, so, so much smarter nowadays.
Fahim Anwar
I feel like you read a lot, and you mentioned multiple books that you were reading.
Ralph Barbosa
Which one? The Hunter S. Thompson one. Yeah.
Fahim Anwar
And then there was another one. Oh, okay.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I'll buy the book.
Andrew Schulz
I don't read. Read?
Akash Singh
Nah.
Andrew Schulz
No. But you also didn't say you're a fan of me, so it's fine. But I don't read. I don't think you need. I think you need to be you. That's my personal thing. You just Got to be you. People love you. Specifically you, Ralph. They're like, oh, he's so funny.
Ralph Barbosa
Okay, I'll take it.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, so it's like just the more you. You are, the. The better.
Ralph Barbosa
I appreciate it, man.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Did I mention I started an automotive channel? I was supposed to promote that formula bean.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
They can't deport us if they can't catch us.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
That' racing slogan.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
So what do y'.
Ralph Barbosa
All.
Andrew Schulz
Y' all race?
Ralph Barbosa
We've raced a couple times. We put nitrous and a turbo in a 1989 Nissan 240 not tuned, so it ran horribly and we blew it up.
Andrew Schulz
That's sick.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, we committed a sin and put an LS in a Skyline. Oh, I don't even know what that means, dude.
Andrew Schulz
I'm be honest.
Mark Gagnon
This is one of those Rogan moments.
Andrew Schulz
Where I could pretend I know what you mean to look masculine, but n.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't know what the.
Andrew Schulz
You just said. I know Skyline, cuz it was on Gran Turismo back in the day. So Nissan, right?
Akash Singh
Yeah. That's.
Damian Lemon
How many cars you own now? Like, what do you. What's your. Your stable look like?
Ralph Barbosa
Got 76 Camaro, 72 Camaro, 71 Skyline, 90 Skyline, 98. 240.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
96 Impala truck. C10. Yeah, I think I got 7. No, no, I got the SS and I got the 350. I think I got 9. Minus 10.
Akash Singh
10.
Damian Lemon
All right, and then what is the one you find yourself.
Ralph Barbosa
Four of them run Nice.
Fahim Anwar
All right, wait, you got cars that don't run?
Ralph Barbosa
Most of them don't run.
Andrew Schulz
You're gonna get them to run, though.
Ralph Barbosa
That's. Yeah, yeah, right.
Andrew Schulz
That's what I'm saying. Buying things that.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, man. I bought a 19. 1973 Barracuda fire. Yeah, I think it's sick.
Andrew Schulz
So you got 11 cars now.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
And how many. Four of them run.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, four or five.
Damian Lemon
How many run well and reliably? Do you have a reliable car that you have for like, family?
Ralph Barbosa
My. My R35. That's a family car.
Fahim Anwar
What's that?
Ralph Barbosa
That's not a family gtr.
Andrew Schulz
Accurate, is it? Acura?
Ralph Barbosa
No, no, it's a Nissan. Nissan gtr. That's not a.
Damian Lemon
You got a kid seat in there?
Ralph Barbosa
Nah, my son just sits in the back. I make him take his shoes off, though, because I don't want. Because there's not enough. There's not a whole lot of space for the back seat.
Andrew Schulz
Can I suggest an everyday car for you?
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Toyota Sienna Hybrid Sienna.
Ralph Barbosa
Can you pull that up? What is Sienna?
Damian Lemon
The Toyota minivan.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, the minivan. I love minivans.
Andrew Schulz
I said. I said that. They're fire.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't like to drive them, though.
Andrew Schulz
N. You would love to drive with your son. He would actually be safe. His life would be okay.
Ralph Barbosa
I know he's safe, man. I'm a good driver.
Andrew Schulz
About the car, dude, you don't know what other people. There's other bad drive. I almost hit him. A guy yesterday. Crackhead walking down the street. I didn't see him.
Ralph Barbosa
Is that how you keep your family safe, by running over crackheads?
Andrew Schulz
Have I driven you anywhere?
Fahim Anwar
No.
Ralph Barbosa
My son would not be caught dead in that thing. Like, my son would not let us drive that. My son picks what we drive for the day. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, he'll tell me, like, hey, let's drive the SS today.
Andrew Schulz
Like, tell you something, you take him in that thing, you turn on the TV in the back seat, he'll be thrilled to death.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, he probably would like that, but he'll still call it lame. I know my son. He'll think that's so lame.
Fahim Anwar
Oh, so he's into cars, too?
Ralph Barbosa
He's. Yeah, he's into cars.
Fahim Anwar
Does he, like, come with you while you're fixing it up?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, he'll be out there handing me stuff.
Andrew Schulz
And is there an age in which. Or like, an age. Is there a time in which a car isn't running and you're just like this. Oh, because I'm worried you're just going to keep buying cars that don't run and they're just going to keep not running.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, that's right.
Andrew Schulz
We're just going to have 14 cars that don't run and four that run.
Fahim Anwar
That's what I feel like already has happened.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I think the fact that you have.
Fahim Anwar
More cars that don't run, it's like you're at the point where.
Andrew Schulz
Great observation.
Ralph Barbosa
I don't think you should.
Andrew Schulz
Great observation, Alex.
Ralph Barbosa
Last week that I stayed home, like, all week, we got, like, three of them running. Like, there was more. The ratio was bad. It was so bad.
Andrew Schulz
If you had one car that was running.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Had, like, one car running.
Fahim Anwar
I don't think you're a good mechanic.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
Well, I'm busy on the road, son.
Andrew Schulz
You can't commit to your kid a full week. You commit to six. Six cars to fix.
Ralph Barbosa
We got them. They're going. They're up and going. All right. You give me one week at home, the other six will be good to go.
Andrew Schulz
Two weeks off.
Ralph Barbosa
Take two. I'm trying.
Andrew Schulz
YouTube channel. You're dedicated. Can you be dedicated to this, please?
Ralph Barbosa
Look, bro, I'm trying to. This was Hulu's idea of the press tour.
Akash Singh
All right.
Unknown
What do you think about this?
Andrew Schulz
Oh, okay. That's how we got you back the press tour.
Ralph Barbosa
You got to promote something. Baby.
Mark Gagnon
Baby, is there.
Fahim Anwar
What you think about this truck?
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, man, those are badass. I don't even like Teslas, but those right there, I. I would buy those.
Andrew Schulz
I got one.
Ralph Barbosa
I got one. You got one. Those are sick. I love it as it picks up.
Fahim Anwar
That is fast.
Akash Singh
Yeah, yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
And it's like, because of the crab.
Akash Singh
Where the.
Ralph Barbosa
Do you park that in New York, though?
Fahim Anwar
I got a garage.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, nice.
Andrew Schulz
You got to have a garage if you own a car.
Akash Singh
Yeah, it's just.
Andrew Schulz
I mean, you can, but it's so much easier if you.
Fahim Anwar
Yeah, that's why having a car in New York is super expensive. Cuz not only you paying for the car, you paying for parking, paying for tickets. You're going to get a bunch of tickets. Tickets?
Akash Singh
Yeah. What?
Fahim Anwar
Yeah, These ticket people on the street, like, they'll get you. The moment it's a minute over, it's like, boom. Take.
Ralph Barbosa
This is tough city.
Fahim Anwar
They got you.
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I couldn't do it. You can go to Astoria.
Fahim Anwar
Oh, story is cool. I'm right next to Astoria. I'm in Long Island City.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, okay.
Fahim Anwar
It's. But you would probably do Jersey. Jersey would be good. You have some space. You can have your car.
Ralph Barbosa
I went to New Jersey three months ago. I wanted to go to the Sopranos Diner. The. What is it it called where they shot him, but they said it's just like an ice cream shop now or something. Oh, what is that place called?
Andrew Schulz
You're a big Sopranos fan?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, I love Sopranos, son.
Andrew Schulz
I. I loved it. And then they took a break. I don't even. You're probably too young to remember this. They took a break for like two years. And then I was like, yeah, I'm good. Then I watched one or two episodes and I was like, I think Tony got shot in the stomach. And then it was like dream episodes. And I was like, I'm done.
Akash Singh
Wait, what.
Ralph Barbosa
What season did they take a break? They took a break between five and six or.
Akash Singh
What?
Andrew Schulz
Five and six or four and five. One of those two, because what's her name, Falco, had breast cancer. I think they took a big break from filming.
Ralph Barbosa
God forbid somebody has cancer and ruins your show.
Andrew Schulz
A no I'm not mad at it. I just fell out of love. No, I just fell out of love with it.
Ralph Barbosa
It's still good, bro.
Andrew Schulz
You know, I just wasn't. And everybody said the ending wasn't that good. And I was like, all right.
Ralph Barbosa
The ending was amazing. It's the best ending in TV history.
Andrew Schulz
That's your favorite TV show of all time, Sopranos.
Ralph Barbosa
Favorite TV show of all, all time.
Andrew Schulz
Breaking Bad.
Ralph Barbosa
Breaking Bad is probably.
Andrew Schulz
I think I put Breaking Bad number one.
Ralph Barbosa
I think Breaking Bad is like my third. I think you go Sopranos, the Wire.
Akash Singh
Nah.
Ralph Barbosa
And this is just drama shows. Soprano is my favorite show of all time.
Akash Singh
Right.
Damian Lemon
But if I'm just going number two.
Akash Singh
Yeah. Huh.
Damian Lemon
Dragon Ball Z number two.
Ralph Barbosa
No, no, no.
Andrew Schulz
Naruto number three.
Ralph Barbosa
No, no. The animes don't count. Knows Atlanta, Breaking Bad. And after that, I don't know no.
Fahim Anwar
Breaking Bad above Atlanta. But it's a good list, though.
Ralph Barbosa
But it's because. But it's because I like. I don't like they're entertaining, but they like Breaking Bad and Sopranos both fall to me, like, under, like, crime stuff. I like Atlanta because of how, like, it didn't rely on, like, a criminal world or whatever. And it gets so crazy. It's a creative ass show.
Andrew Schulz
Yeah, it is very creative.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Ralph Barbosa
I like. I love how that show is just very.
Andrew Schulz
I do not like Donald Glover standup, but he's a creative.
Ralph Barbosa
I never watched his stand up. I watched, like, the joke where he was talking about how they wanted him to be Spider Man.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
And I was like, I don't really, but the man is a genius.
Andrew Schulz
He's a. Yeah, he's a brilliant creative mind, undeniably.
Ralph Barbosa
I like his music. He has a song called. What's that one song called? I'll think about it later. I'll send it to you.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
It's a good song. Dedicated to you, your girl.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Ralph Barbosa
Go have a picnic or something.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Andrew Schulz
And you're dedicated to your girl?
Ralph Barbosa
Yeah, if I ever get a girl.
Andrew Schulz
Okay, well, you're in love with somebody.
Akash Singh
I am.
Ralph Barbosa
I wouldn't say I'm in love. I'm crushing.
Akash Singh
Okay.
Fahim Anwar
Does she just not want a relationship right now or she doesn't think you're ready to settle down?
Andrew Schulz
He keeps emphasizing she. Like, he doesn't think it's a girl. Did you notice it? She know, like, he's almost, like, skeptical.
Fahim Anwar
You never know.
Ralph Barbosa
She knows I'm Christian on her.
Andrew Schulz
Oh, well, then what's the problem? Let's get her. Oh, I don't know, we could do this. Dude, I'm a great wingman. Call it right now.
Ralph Barbosa
No, I'm not gonna call it.
Andrew Schulz
Why not?
Damian Lemon
The most aggressive wingman in the world. Just come on. Get married tomorrow.
Ralph Barbosa
Come on.
Andrew Schulz
Have I ever wingman for you?
Damian Lemon
No, but it's just a very aggressive.
Andrew Schulz
I'm good.
Damian Lemon
This guy's great. He's funny, big dick.
Andrew Schulz
Marry him tomorrow. Why not? Yeah, that is pretty much what it would be.
Fahim Anwar
It kind of works. That would work.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Andrew Schulz
Thank. Thank you.
Ralph Barbosa
That would work.
Andrew Schulz
Thank you.
Damian Lemon
Don't let him weaponize his therapy against you, all right? He does it to me all the time. It's annoying. Hey, you're actually.
Ralph Barbosa
You're the.
Damian Lemon
The guy in the chair. You end the show whenever the you want. You look into the camera, you say.
Ralph Barbosa
You want to promote anything. Before I sign off.
Andrew Schulz
I launched my own podcast. I know it's a big commitment, but I'm actually doing. It's called the ay if you guys want to check it out. Also, next week, I'm going to be. Well, when this comes out, I'm going to be out. Out of the country. I'm taking a vacation with my mom.
Ralph Barbosa
Oh, nice.
Andrew Schulz
Taking my mom on vacation. Yeah, vacation. Turkey and Caicos.
Ralph Barbosa
Turks and Caicos.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Fahim Anwar
Drake ruined that.
Andrew Schulz
Hey, I would love for some black dudes hit on my mom. If any black dude see my mom and want to hit on her, she got fat tits. She'd probably be very flattered.
Ralph Barbosa
You're going to scare them away. You're going to scare a good man away from your mom.
Andrew Schulz
I'm going to scare a black dude away. I don't think that's happening.
Ralph Barbosa
You are. You're going to weird. You're going to weird out a black dude.
Andrew Schulz
That's fine.
Ralph Barbosa
He's going to be like, no, ma', am, if you raise this guy.
Akash Singh
That.
Andrew Schulz
I'm okay with that.
Ralph Barbosa
Anyway, everybody, that's been our show for today. Make sure you check out Planet Bosa on Hulu. Also check out Formula Bean, where we're doing stupid all the time.
Andrew Schulz
He was supposed to plug that an hour and a half ago.
Ralph Barbosa
Supposed to plug that way earlier in the podcast. But also check out my buddy Jaime on the Fat Fish podcast.
Andrew Schulz
And Ralph will be honest sometimes.
Akash Singh
Yeah.
Damian Lemon
And on this one, everyone's fine every three years.
Ralph Barbosa
I'll be back in three years to host again.
Andrew Schulz
2028. Can't wait.
Ralph Barbosa
Watch Street Fight.
Podcast Summary: Andrew Schulz's Flagrant with Akaash Singh Episode: Ralph Barbosa on Netflix Fame, Getting Recognized at Jiffy Lube, & His Love for Tom Hanks Release Date: August 13, 2025
Introduction: Welcoming Ralph Barbosa The episode kicks off with Ralph Barbosa taking over the show, introducing himself as the new host. Andrew Schulz and Akaash Singh welcome him warmly, setting a relaxed and humorous tone for the conversation.
[00:18] Andrew Schulz:
"Hey, Ralph Barbosa is on the episode. Let's go, superstar."
Ralph Barbosa discusses his latest comedy special, “Planet Bosa,” and its success on Hulu.
Planet Bosa: Launch and Reception Ralph proudly announces his new special, "Planet Bosa," available on Hulu. The hosts share their enthusiasm, although there’s some playful confusion about the title's origin.
[01:00] Ralph Barbosa:
"It's the greatest special ever made."
[01:04] Ralph Barbosa:
"It's called Planet Bosa."
Life Changes with Fame and Wealth The conversation shifts to how fame and money have impacted Ralph's life. Despite earning significantly, Ralph humorously claims his current wealth mirrors what he had when he first started, highlighting the unpredictable nature of success in comedy.
[02:24] Andrew Schulz:
"But what, you live with your pops?"
**Ralph explains his ongoing passion for cars, particularly those found on Facebook Marketplace, and shares his love for negotiating deals.
Passion for Cars and Car Culture Ralph delves into his love for classic and junk cars, emphasizing his preference for making over restoring. The discussion covers various car models, the culture surrounding them in different cities like Chicago and the Hamptons, and humorous anecdotes about driving experiences.
[03:00] Ralph Barbosa:
"So the first time I came out here, I had a few cars and I was really proud of like I have like this low mileage Impala and stuff."
[03:35] Andrew Schulz:
"This seems like what white people do. I was out in the Hamptons for a couple weeks. Very white place."
Love for Tom Hanks and Personal Relationships Ralph expresses his admiration for Tom Hanks, coupled with humorous speculation about conspiracy theories linking Hanks to controversial lists. The hosts engage in playful banter about celebrities and personal crushes.
[14:01] Andrew Schulz:
"You didn’t notice that?"
[97:52] Mark Gagnon:
"I need to know if I can."
Personal Life and Family Ralph opens up about his son, sharing heartfelt moments and the challenges of balancing a career in comedy with fatherhood. The discussion highlights the importance of family support and Ralph’s desire to be a positive role model.
[86:44] Ralph Barbosa:
"And then my son wanted to grab the shades, and I was like, nah, don't take them off."
Evolution as a Comedian: From Headlining to Crowd Work Ralph reflects on his journey in comedy, transitioning from scripted jokes to more spontaneous crowd work. He discusses overcoming writer's block and the value of connecting authentically with the audience.
[107:01] Ralph Barbosa:
"I've just enjoyed the crowd work more."
[108:25] Ralph Barbosa:
"It's the most honest moment."
Acting Aspirations and Other Projects Ralph shares his foray into acting, including a Verizon commercial and his efforts to secure roles in TV and film. Despite his successes in comedy, he candidly discusses the difficulties and limited opportunities in acting.
[28:10] Mark Gagnon:
"Is that more rural?"
[41:12] Akash Singh:
"I don't think you'd be happy being a feature. I think you're you."
Comedy with Personal Touches and Audience Engagement The hosts and Ralph engage in light-hearted discussions about personal anecdotes, therapy, and the pressures of maintaining relevance in the comedy scene. They emphasize the importance of staying true to oneself and the therapeutic aspects of performing.
[39:22] Ralph Barbosa:
"I've been trying not to read them in general, cuz like good ones and bad ones."
[40:20] Ralph Barbosa:
"I better not. All right, let's stay still and let's talk about some real subjects."
Promotions and Future Plans As the episode nears its end, Ralph promotes his automotive channel and his previous podcast, Fat Fish. Andrew Schulz introduces his own podcast, encouraging listeners to check out Ralph's work and upcoming projects.
[113:43] Ralph Barbosa:
"Did I mention I started an automotive channel? I was supposed to promote that formula bean."
[121:15] Ralph Barbosa:
"But I have a son, you know?"
Notable Quotes:
Ralph Barbosa [01:00]:
"It's the greatest special ever made."
Ralph Barbosa [03:00]:
"So the first time I came out here, I had a few cars and I was really proud of like I have like this low mileage Impala and stuff."
Andrew Schulz [14:01]:
"You didn’t notice that?"
Ralph Barbosa [107:01]:
"I've just enjoyed the crowd work more."
Ralph Barbosa [111:10]:
"But I actually feel like it's... because it devolved."
Conclusion: A Blend of Humor and Heart The episode wraps up with Ralph expressing his continued passion for comedy, his commitment to personal growth, and his gratitude towards his fans. The hosts reaffirm their support and look forward to future collaborations, leaving listeners with a sense of camaraderie and anticipation for what's next.
[122:53] Ralph Barbosa:
"Watch Street Fight."
Overall Flow and Engagement: The conversation seamlessly transitions between professional achievements, personal stories, and humorous exchanges, making the summary both comprehensive and engaging. Ralph Barbosa's candidness and the hosts' playful interactions provide a well-rounded view of his journey in comedy and personal life, offering valuable insights for both fans and newcomers.