Tom Segura on Surviving Joey Diaz Megadose, Discovering Andrew Tate & “Exposing” Garth Brooks Secret | #701

Summary

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Flagrant Podcast #701: Tom Segura on Surviving Joey Diaz Megadose, Andrew Tate Origins & the Garth Brooks Conspiracy

Released: April 22, 2026 | Hosts: Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, AlexxMedia, Mark Gagnon | Guest: Tom Segura

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Episode Overview

In this raucous episode of Flagrant, Andrew Schulz, Akaash Singh, and the Flagrant crew welcome comedian, podcaster, and "alleged" Garth Brooks exposer Tom Segura for his debut appearance on the show. They dive deep into wild tales of drug mishaps (including the infamous Joey Diaz edible megadose), DMT experiences, obsessive internet rabbitholes, the rise of Andrew Tate, whether Tom started the manosphere, living through chaos, and the totally-satirical Garth Brooks serial killer theory. The episode is packed with high-energy riffing, personal stories, and behind-the-scenes peeks at stand-up and the business of comedy.

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Key Discussion Segments

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Weight Loss & Comedic Rivalries

[00:00–03:50]

• The crew jokes about Tom’s weight loss (“in the worst time in history because nobody believes that it was honest”—Alex [00:30]) and Bert Kreischer spreading rumors that Tom used Ozempic (“He would be like, ‘Tom, jab and Ozempic!’”—Tom [00:49]).
• Tom notes the irony that Bert is now using GLP-1s to lose weight (“He lost like 50 lbs with Manjaro”—Tom [01:13]), and they poke fun at the new trend of comedians running 5Ks and using endurance as an excuse to travel globally.

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Drug Stories: DMT, Edibles, and the Joey Diaz Incident

[05:00–21:17]

Tom’s DMT Adventures

• Tom shares his first DMT experience: mild, some visuals, but nothing profound ([05:41]).
• The “breakthrough”: Alone in a hotel, he pushes the vape pen too hard, and reality turns into a “sketched” black-and-white cartoon; he panics and hides under the sheets ([06:38–07:56]).

  “My eyes are closed. I opened my eyes and the whole room is sketch drawn, right? ... Everything’s black and white, dude.” —Tom [06:47]

• He compulsively repeats the experience several times a week before being told about serotonin poisoning risks ([08:46–09:21]).

  “You can get serotonin poisoning ... so I have to like take the pen apart and put one piece here and one piece at home.” —Tom [09:22]

• Later, Tom admits to some introspective breakthroughs—focusing on family loss and personal truths ([10:23]).

The Joey Diaz Megadose

• Tom recounts being peer-pressured by Joey Diaz into allegedly eating a “10 mg” edible in Joey’s green room. Joey pops five, so Tom thinks he’s safe. He isn’t ([12:06–13:38]).

  “I take one. And literally as I go down, he goes, ‘Oh.’ I go, ‘What?’ He goes, ‘Nothing.’” —Tom [13:40]

• Tom becomes so high he can barely function, needing to be carried to a flight, tries to “level out” with Xanax (which fails), and stays high for almost three days ([19:01–20:13]).

  “I wake up, I’m high. Like, I’m fully high. The rest of that day I’m high. ... Third day, dude.” —Tom [19:52]

• Revealed: Joey dosed him with 200 mg, took 1000 mg himself, and did a show. When confronted, Joey simply says: “You needed a reset, and I gave you one.” ([21:34])

  “You needed a lesson, and I gave it to you.” —Joey Diaz (via Tom) [21:48]

• The panel shares their own horrifying edible memories and “multiple day highs.” ([22:00–26:50])

Other Drug Catastrophes

• Tom's worst drug OD: GHB in college. He describes the “bottle cap dose,” accidentally taking 10x for politeness, mixes with alcohol, and ends up in a medically induced coma. Only survives thanks to his sister calling 911 ([31:29–34:25]).

  “All I do is like, I wake up, I’m in a hospital ... My dad looks and he goes, ‘Nobody, just disappointed.’” —Tom [35:02–36:27]

• “Weed is the worst. When it’s bad, it’s the worst.” —Tom [25:11]

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Thrill Seeking: Helicopters, Race Tracks, and Chaos

[36:35–54:29]

Helicopter Piloting & Pranking His Mom

• Tom discusses becoming a certified helicopter pilot even after Kobe’s crash, loving the engagement of flight ([39:00–40:36]).
• Describes a prank flight with his terrified mother: “I give the instructor a signal and go, ‘Let it rain.’ ... She’s so scared. ... One of the hardest I’ve ever laughed.” ([42:05–43:42])

Race Track Stories

• Tom shares experiences at Circuit of the Americas (Austin), driving GT3s and a Ferrari F8, describes the feeling of real danger at 170 mph ([46:13–47:12]).
• On NASCAR: Surprised by how much strategy, engineering, and athleticism is involved. Praises the rowdy, all-American atmosphere ([52:08–54:48]).

  “It is electric ... When you see the engine start and they take off, it’s like this visceral reaction.” —Tom [53:10]

Managing Risk

• Tom admits he dials back risks for his family, but adrenaline still calls ([45:16–47:12], [65:05–65:46]).
• Not a motorcycle guy: “It’s one of those things where you know your limits.” —Tom [65:46]

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Internet Culture, Influencers & “Exposing” the Manosphere

[87:43–104:31]

The Garth Brooks Serial Killer Meme

• Tom recounts accidentally starting the “Garth Brooks is a serial killer” meme by riffing on Garth’s bizarre social media ([87:55–90:18]).

  “We talked about just how weird his social media is. ... You saw his Facebook?” —Tom [88:06]

• The bit goes viral; fans spam Garth’s socials, comment sections get locked. Garth’s team is aware and not amused, but he never acknowledges it directly ([92:15–93:34]).
• A book is (satirically) published exploring the theory: “Bodies in Low Places.” Tom shares the comedic absurdity of rumors taking on a life of their own ([93:40–94:41]).

“Discovering” Andrew Tate

• Tom explains how Tate was first featured on his pod because of character-driven, performatively misogynist internet clips ([121:05–122:38]).

  “We would play this and comment the same way we comment on the [Sam’s Tailor] clips. ... This feels like shtick.” —Tom [121:14]

• When Tate goes global for his trafficking allegations, Tom is accused online of “platforming” him:

  “I was like, ‘Guys, he’s wanted.’ ... We had him on as an entertaining guest ... super nice. He was very funny on the pod.” —Tom [124:53]

• Discussion of the dangers and unpredictability of internet virality and celebrity guests.

Deep Dives into Weird Internet Culture

• Tom is fascinated by uncovering strange or outrageous people online—be it “Sam's Tailor” or smaller TikTok/YouTube creators ([103:51–104:31]).
• Sometimes, fans even help track down these oddballs to appear on the show.

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Comedy Business & Stand-Up Insights

[128:10–133:34]

The Grind of Touring

• Tom and Andrew compare approaches to the stand-up road life: reducing dates to avoid burnout, balancing tour with family, and the evolution from “papered” rooms to real ticket sales ([128:10–130:09]).

  “If you take a little time off ... it makes you live, then you have something to talk about.” —Tom [154:55]

Club Politics & Comedy Economics

• Tales of negotiating for door deals, counting seats, “sellout bonuses,” and good vs. bad club owners ([131:11–134:44]).
• Tom shares the secret: knowing your numbers, and how some comics never want the pressure of the door.

Unlikely Career Turns

• Tom describes his post-college gig researching for America’s Most Wanted, including profiling fugitives and pitching cases ([83:13–86:42]).

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Crafting Comedy for TV: BAD THOUGHTS and the Sketch Process

[140:12–146:26]

• Tom breaks down the creation of his Netflix sketch show “Bad Thoughts”: self-funding the pilot, then selling the series.
• Aim: Sketches look like short films, beautifully shot and cinematic, not “flat” multi-cam style.

  “I think it’s funny to take a premise that’s ridiculous, but shoot it beautifully.” —Tom [142:58]

• Teases new season (May 2026): sketches include inappropriate college dads, offensive Paris tattoos, and sperm bank calamities ([144:15–145:51]).

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Other Notable Quotes and Moments

• On Joey Diaz:

  “I used to think he didn’t feel it. He feels it—but he loves the chaos.” —Tom [21:09]

• On helicopters vs. planes:

  “In a plane, you take off, and you’re cruising, you could read a book … In a helicopter, there’s zero time off.” —Tom [40:10]

• On the business of comedy:

  “No, it’s not a guess. ... It’s exact.” —Tom, on confronting a club owner about payouts [134:09]

• On Andrew Tate:

  “He would dance between exaggeration and pure, well-formed lies. Very philosophical, very articulate.” —Tom [123:22]

• On slowing down:

  “Time off is valuable ... it gives you a chance to enjoy life, have some balance, experience some things, talk about it.” —Tom [154:55]

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Other Memorable Segments

• Running Riff — The crew debates the reality of running 5Ks, marathons, and whether they could really handle three miles ([02:12–03:49]).
• Helicopter Prank Audio — Audio of Tom’s traumatized mom in the chopper, and Tom’s laughter ([43:18–44:09]).
• Function Health Test Results — Everyone jokes about their “biological age” scans and how bragging rights are all that matter ([57:43–62:08]).
• Bar Fights & Childhood Trauma — Tom's fifth-grade beatdown and how he sort of “became friends” with his attacker ([138:43–140:00]).
• Comedy Economy — Tales of counting seats with a clicker, club chicanery, and Keith Sweat vs. Oscar De La Hoya ([134:49–135:43]).
• NBA Ref Stories — Kevin Garnett clip on how old-school NBA refs and players would openly trash-talk each other ([117:06–118:59]).
• Project Styles — Tom dives into how editing, shooting, and collaborating is both grueling and exhilarating in the world of TV/sketch ([146:53–147:53]).

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Timestamps for Major Topics

• Weight Loss & Ozempic Jokes: [00:00–03:50]
• DMT Experiences: [05:00–10:50]
• Joey Diaz Edible Story: [11:37–21:34]
• GHB Coma Story: [31:29–36:27]
• Helicopter Prank on Mom: [42:05–44:09]
• Car Racing and NASCAR: [46:13–54:48]
• Garth Brooks as Serial Killer Meme: [87:43–94:41]
• The "Discovery" of Andrew Tate: [121:04–124:53]
• Comedy Road/Club Stories: [128:10–134:44]
• America's Most Wanted Job: [83:13–86:42]
• BAD THOUGHTS (Netflix) Sketch Show Process: [140:12–146:26]

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Episode Vibe & Tone

Flagrant, as ever, is a high-energy, no-filter hang where comedians riff, bust balls, and share stories that veer from the deeply self-deprecating to genuinely ridiculous. Tom easily matches the crew’s chaotic energy—good-naturedly recounting both personal disaster and internet absurdity, with plenty of deadpan and punchy asides.

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Recommended Moments / Quotes

1. Joey Diaz edible prank revelation
   • “You needed a lesson, and I gave it to you.” —Joey Diaz (via Tom) [21:48]
2. DMT Breakthrough
   • “I opened my eyes, and the whole room is sketch drawn... I jump under the sheets, get in the fetal position, and I’m in a level 10 panic.” —Tom [06:47–07:56]
3. Comedy business hustle
   • “It’s not a guess. It’s exact... Let me get Donna in here.” —Tom [134:09]

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In Summary

This episode is a quintessential Flagrant bender: jaw-dropping stories from inside comedy’s wildest subcultures, absurdist riffs, dark humor about everything from drug overdoses to the dangers of internet fame, and a sneak peek at how comics hustle, create, and stay (barely) sane in an age of 24/7 content. Tom Segura’s blend of honesty, killer storytelling, and zero sanctimony makes him a perfect fit for the Flagrancy.

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Bad Thoughts Season 2 launches May 2026 on Netflix.
Tom will NOT tour until 2027—he’s earned the break.

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Transcript

[Alex]

What's up, everybody? Welcome to Flagrant. Today we are joined. This is our first time.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy.

[Alex]

Yeah. This is Wild Thompson girls on the pod today. Tom is a wildly successful stand up comedian, podcaster, Italian bakery owner now.

[Tom Segura]

Very true.

[Alex]

Okay. Which we'll get to this origin story. He first exposed Garth Brooks as a serial killer. I think it's very important that we know there's no sarcasm right there. That's an allegedly. So we don't get sued. So you don't either.

[Tom Segura]

Very alleged.

[Alex]

He literally created the manosphere by propping up Andrew Tate. That's confirmed. You know, that 100%. He has a massive podcasting studio business. There are all these things that he's managing. And he lost weight in the worst time in history because nobody believes that. It was an honest.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Alex]

And you did it honestly.

[Tom Segura]

And not only that, my buddy Bert went on tour, and on tour in arenas, he would be like, tom, Jab and Ozempic. And I'm like, oh, he's spreading.

[Alex]

Yeah, good job. Here's the thing.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, I never would. I would never do that. I was like, yeah, but you're fat. And then this year, he lost like 50 pounds. And with Manjaro, with the.

[Alex]

With Jack, with the shot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And people think it's because he was running two and a half miles. It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

He's alive, dude.

[Alex]

There's a. But first of all, I love the 5K, the 5K stuff that you guys are doing. But it's funny. My buddy said, my buddy Tim, that I'll. I'll leave his last name out. He goes. He goes, my. I have a buddy of mine who just, you know, he just wants to get out of the house. That's his thing. So he started running 10Ks. And he tells his wife. He's like, yeah, you know, I'm into these 10Ks. That's my thing. I gotta go to Sao Paulo. Going to Brazil to run five miles.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy how much of a. Like, I. I prepare every year to do the 5K, which is three miles. Right? Like, I have to like, no. And then I meet people and they're like, start running. But I'm saying, like, I don't normally run. So when I. When it comes to running, I'm like, I hate this, but I do it.

[Alex]

And then you just knock that out. Three miles.

[Tom Segura]

Not. Not out of. I mean, it's like running a midtown. If it's like a. If. If you want to actually, like, not walk at all. For me? No, I have. I have to like actually do some prep. But I meet people who are like, what? And I go. They go, that's like a warm up. I go, not to me, dude.

[Alex]

Like the whole point is anyone can do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think a mile. Yes. Once I get into like 2 and 3. I can't just do it.

[Alex]

I don't know. I can't, I can't. How much you run it? Nah, but like how much do that? Like, I honestly believe that I could do a marathon. No, I mean walking.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no, no.

[Alex]

I think on a slow. I think on a slow jog downhill I could get. Yeah, I'm not going up with a bike. No, no, no wheels, no wheels, no wheels. I could do it, honest. But I think I could have it. You could do the three miles, 15 minute mile. Like what? I think I could do the three miles. I could. I could average it in eight minute mile.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Right now. That means you have really good cardio then.

[Alex]

I think I could do an eight minute mile right now, but eight.

[Tom Segura]

But it's not casual, dude. Like that's a pretty good pace when

[Alex]

I could do like a long amount. An average in. In the Sevens.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Alex]

I ran a five minute mile once.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Alex]

Not five zero, but within five minutes.

[Tom Segura]

But that's why the three mile thing's laughable to you. If you had a five minute mile, just.

[Alex]

Why would I lie about that? If I'm going to lie, I would say that I ran a marathon in like two hours. You ran a five minute bop. I ran like 559. 558. Oh, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Alex]

That's okay.

[Tom Segura]

I was wondering how that distinction.

[Alex]

I was probably like 25 years old 17 years ago. No, no, no. I was in my 30s. I was in my 30s.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty fast, man.

[Alex]

Yeah. Got runner legs, man.

[Tom Segura]

Got run.

[Alex]

Look at these things as I stretch them out.

[Tom Segura]

Were you a good sprinter too?

[Alex]

Okay, not like incredible top speed, but like I could, I could, I could go. Yeah, go. Yeah. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

You caught up to that homeless guy pretty fast.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah. There was a homeless guy that called me in San Francisco. We'll bleep that and then. Yeah, we had a. You know, you can't call me that in San Francisco.

[Tom Segura]

No, I also that I.

[Alex]

People might believe it.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Alex]

It's like anywhere else I would go.

[Tom Segura]

You catch up to him?

[Alex]

Yeah, I caught up to him.

[Tom Segura]

Uphill. Uphill. What'd you say?

[Alex]

Walked away. The guy's like a homies, you know, Like I Got my senses to me. And also uphill is hard. So by the time you get up there, you're like, I'm winded. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There's nothing like going on a run though, and seeing like, like you're running and then either like an old person or like an older, fatter woman goes past you and you're like, nah, dude. Oh yeah. And then you have to like, yeah, you're like, I can't let this happen.

[Alex]

Just getting rinsed. Okay. Listen, Tom, there's been a really important development. The reason I started about, you know, all of your successes is because I wanted to let people know that despite all your successes, you have a crippling addiction to dmt.

[Tom Segura]

I, I actually had to, to put that thing away. So I, I'd heard about it for years.

[Alex]

Did you know? I did not. This is not even fake.

[Tom Segura]

This is. I heard about it for years and then one of my buddies was like, like last year was like, you want to try it? And I go, yeah, I want to try it.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So there's two ways you can do this, at least that I know of. One is you get like the real thing. Sort of like you can get weed or you can get like a vape pen. Got it with dmt. There's both are also an option. You can get like the real crystallized, whatever it is.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Or a vape pen. So the first time I do it, I do the real thing with him and the experience that I have is like auditory and some visuals and it is like a few minutes thing that then you're, you're. It's over. I go, yeah, that was cool. Like I don't have like some profound revelation, but I'm like, that was a, that was a cool, nice experience. Somebody else? No, sorry, same guy goes, hey, do you want. I have a DMT vape pen. Do you want to do that? And I go, yeah. So he gives me one, I'm on the road and I do it and I have the same kind of thing where it's like there's colors and there's some things. And then he tells me, he's like, you know, you really gotta do a pool. Like you really gotta pull it if you want to like go there. And I'm like, I mean, I am like, no, get you.

[Alex]

That's. Those vape pens. You do a hard.

[Tom Segura]

This is one of the most terrifying things that ever happened to me is I had had two or three times with it where I was having that. I'll just call it like a Mild experience.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Where I go, there's colors, there's things. But it's like. I'm like, yeah, it's pretty cool. I'm in some hotel on the road, and I do. I'm alone in my room, and I just. I go like, 1, 2, and. And, like, the third pool is like. Like, as deep as I can go. My eyes are closed, and I'm like, I'm cold. I feel cold. So I'm going to change. I'm going to get up and change the temperature. And my eyes were closed. I opened my eyes, and the whole room is sketch drawn, right? Like, it's white with black and white. Black and white. I stick my hand out this black and white, and I'm like, no. And I get up, and I'm looking. Everything's. And I see a mirror, and I go, like. I get so scared because I'm a. Are you. Sketch in the mirror? Sketch in the mirror. Everything's. Everything's black and white, dude. I go up to the thermostat, and I reach out to it. I'm like, there's no way. And I just. I jump under the sheets, get in the fetal position, and. And I'm In a level 10 panic. Absolute panic. I cannot believe that I've broken through to, like, what people are talking about.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. It can't last that long. Maybe 10 to 15 minutes.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Once you get over, like, the. I don't want to open my eyes because I don't want to see the sketch thing. So you start actually thinking about other things, and then slowly open your eyes, and you're like, holy shit, it's starting to fade off. And I was like, that was the wildest experience I've ever had with, how

[Alex]

long are we talking?

[Tom Segura]

I think this whole thing lasts about 15 minutes.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. But the sketch thing is not imagined. Like, it's really what I'm seeing. And I'm like, that is terrifying. And then I do it again the next day. I do it the next day.

[Alex]

Same hotel room.

[Tom Segura]

Alone? Yeah. And I'm like, I want to see if that happens again. And it does the same thing. The same thing. It's just that everything in the room is sketched.

[Alex]

What is in your subconscious?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Alex]

Some people see God, some people see heaven.

[Tom Segura]

And then I start to go, like, with this pen, I'm like, all right. I wait. I wait a few days, I do it again. I go. I wonder if I do it with not as deep a pool, what will happen? And it does become two different things, like a mild experience or the. I started doing and doing it and then I tell the guy, I was like, yeah, I'm like, did it like four times last week. He's like, you really shouldn't do that. I go, what? He goes, yeah, you can get like. I think it's like serotonin poisoning basically of your. Or you're releasing too much of it.

[Alex]

Right, right, right, right, right.

[Tom Segura]

So I have to like take the pen apartment and I put one piece here and one piece at home so that I don't have it with me. It's like nuclear. But I got at least got to the point where you could have an experience where you actually feel like you have it. You know, your mind works where you shelf things and then sometimes you come to life. Yeah. And so I was able to have some experience like that, but it became, I wouldn't say addictive, but like how regularly? I mean, I haven't done it in months and months and months.

[Alex]

But when you were on it, I

[Tom Segura]

was probably doing it like three or four times a week.

[Alex]

Jesus.

[Tom Segura]

Did you have shows that night, like the next day, and you just, you were like, I hope I can remember it tomorrow.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, hold on. So, all right, so you're relegated to. Your only DMT experience is seeing sketch.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that and then having. Once you get over the visual aspect of it, you feel you can have more profound thoughts. Do you have any interesting revelations? You know, I thought about like, there's just like people you thought about like my dad who died and things like, you think about like, things like that relationships with people and having like almost like truth serum to yourself about it. Yeah, like that felt more profound, kind

[Alex]

of honest moments about what that was.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Alex]

And did you like talk to any of those people?

[Tom Segura]

No, I don't think. I know. I didn't talk to them. It was just, it was really more about like I'm saying afterwards. No, no, no, it was, for me it was more like facing those fears or realities in yourself. Right, yeah.

[Alex]

And just for you, just for me. And you didn't want to like go apologize to somebody, fuck them. It's just restorative for you and no connection to those people.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I don't think it's so much that. As, as, as much as you go, like, this is something that I haven't really processed and I'm processing this thing now. Yeah. And it took this moment that was definitely enhanced to have that revelation.

[Alex]

The experience on DMT versus getting dosed by Joey Diaz. And the real version, not what you.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Alex]

There. Because there's the stand up debt.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then there's what actually happens.

[Tom Segura]

He's such a animal.

[Alex]

Dude, can you tell us the actual.

[Tom Segura]

Because people actual thing, they know the stand up bit this guy, so they. Everybody was making fun of me because I like a mild edible.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you know, you meet people who partake a lot are always like milligrams. Yeah. So like, that's like, what are you a. You're like. But I like this. You know, it's like somebody being like, you don't. Why don't you eat your food 5k hotter? Because I don't want it. I don't want to burn my mouth. Like, what's wrong with you? Like, I don't know. It's what I like. So I was telling Everybody I like 10 milligrams, okay? Like, 10 milli. Tom. They cut 10 mil, Tom. So I'm in Miami and I. I have a show, and I see that Joey's also in Miami. I go, you're in Miami? I go, I have a show. I want to come see you. He's like, well, come over. I have a late show. Come see me here. So I go over to see him, and place is packed. My sister comes. She's like, I want to go. I want to see Joey. And I'm like, yeah, we come hang out. We're hanging out backstage in his green room. And he's like. He's like, hey, I know you 10 milli Tom. I got you some 10 millies. I go, really? He's like, yeah. He has a jar and he pours him in his hand. He goes, here you go. I go, because I know. I know the Joey stories. Yeah.

[Alex]

Why would he even have a 10 milli. Knowing what you know about Joey?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, I know. He doses people. So I go, nah. And he's. He's about to go on stage, so he has like five of these in his hand, and he goes. And he eats them. And I'm like, well, they can't be

[Alex]

that much if he had five.

[Tom Segura]

You gotta perform.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I go, all right, I'll take one. So I take one. And literally as I go down, he goes, oh. I go, what? He goes, nothing. I go, come on, man. So then now I'm in a. Because he's not telling me anything.

[Alex]

Oh, that's even worse. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I'm like, what is it? He goes, it's 10. I told you. I told you, it's 10. I go, all right. So I go out there and I'm with my sister and she's like, what's wrong? I go, I. I don't think I just ate 10. I think I'm going to be here in a minute. And she's like, really? I go, yeah, there's. There's no way. Well, he comes out and he does a show and he is murdering and on point and doing all his thing. And about 45 minutes in, I'm like, this isn't 10, right? This is not 10. And so as it's. People are leaving, we're waiting to, to talk to him more. And I. And then it starts to really hit me that I'm like this, I'm comatose and I'm like, yo, dude. And I'm like, what did I take? He's like, 10. He keeps saying, I'm like, this isn't 10, man. And it starts. I don't even realize this till later. Later on I keep processing that he had five and that with like five you can do a show. Like how insane that is to me because I used to do on the road. I would go on the road with Rogan back in the day.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he would always be like, hit this joint. I' like, I don't want to hit a joint and get on stage. Like, I don't want to. He's like, do it. One time.

[Alex]

Peer pressuring a 30 year old is really funny.

[Tom Segura]

Also you sound easy to peer pressure. Like, do it.

[Alex]

Or you're a. You got yourself addicted to tmt. I don't blame that. I think we gotta hear these stories from Joey and Rogan where they're like, Tom was begging me.

[Tom Segura]

No, I definitely did not. I remember in Vancouver, I was with Joe and I, I did. We did like the Vogue theater. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And at one point I'm on stage high as high as hell. And I hate it. Yeah. I'm like, every time I hear something, I'm like turning my head. Yeah. And I get off. And I was like, that was awful.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, that was off. He's like, what are you talking about? The people were like. He goes, those were applause breaks. You were killing. I was like, I didn't like that. We went to Columbus and I fucking bomb. Bad, bad.

[Alex]

Like worst bomb.

[Tom Segura]

One of the five worst bombs.

[Alex]

How long he was.

[Tom Segura]

It was one. He would bring. It would bring like Ari Diaz, like a bunch of us. So it probably not that long. It felt like six years. It was the longest set of my life. But it was also. That's the club that Stroop owned called the Smoney Bone.

[Alex]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So for people that don't know, this guy owns a piece of a bunch of these clubs, but he was also the person that would book you into all of that. He booked, like, 20 of them. Yeah. So, like, they're like, you're gonna showcase for Stroop. I eat in front of him, like, so bad. And later on, I was like, because when you're high, you don't. I was like, how bad was it? He's like, it was really, really bad. He was like. I was like, what the is this guy doing here? One of the worst sets I've seen. I was like, oh, thank you for the honesty. Yeah, he didn't. He didn't, like, say it at all. He was. He was terrible. Man. I really wondered what was wrong with you. Did you power through or are you on stage, like, trying to save it, like, referencing it? I was. Here's the worst part is that I'm trying to save it, trying to get going, and I get off. And I remember I had seen, I think Ari bomb right before me. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, how was that? He's like, it was great. And I was like, that didn't look great. You know when, like, you're.

[Alex]

Oh, so now when you're bombing, you're like, I guess I'm doing great.

[Tom Segura]

Like, Ari said, this was good. This doesn't feel good. I mean, I didn't think what he did was good either. Okay. So I was like, this is a disaster. But I. I'm at that thing with Joey, and then I'm like, bro, I'm. I can't even keep it together. We have to catch a flight, and I have a guy with me who has to care. He carries me, like, my arm over his shoulder, and he's, like, walking me to the plane like this. And I'm like, bro, Joey's on the flight with us. And he's like, you know what you need right now? I don't want anything from you, dude. He's like, you needed a little Xanax. He's like, it evens you out. I take it. I take it.

[Alex]

Do you have no. Billy say no, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Without a doubt.

[Alex]

Just try it. You can top.

[Tom Segura]

You can walk me into some for sure. But I'm also in such a pain. I'm. I'm comose. But I'm. My paranoia and my anxiety is at, like, a 12 so I think, like, Xanax. I'm like, all right. Like, maybe this will dissipate how anxious you are. It does nothing. It does absolutely nothing. Yeah, I sort of fall asleep, and I wake up out of nowhere and I start talking about love on this plane. Okay? I'm like, that's what we're all here to do.

[Alex]

Like, who are you sitting next to at this point?

[Tom Segura]

This guy that. That work with me. Sean.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

He is. He's like. He's like, yeah, buddy. Yeah. And I'm like, right? And he's trying to talk.

[Alex]

I go, shut the. You don't understand.

[Tom Segura]

It's like Bill Murray and Scrooge where

[Alex]

he's like, you gotta feel it. Like, you know it's there.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, giving this speech about love, and every time I look at Joey, he just goes, ha. He just starts laughing, which makes it worse because I think I'm kind of getting somewhere.

[Alex]

And he thinks that you're acting. He's insane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's. And he's loving that he did this to me.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I get home and, like, Christina's like. As I walk in the door, Sheila. She goes, are you high? I'm like, yeah. So what happened? I tell her what happened. I go to bed. I wake up, I'm high. Like, I'm fully high. The rest of that day, I'm high. I go to bed high.

[Alex]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Jeez. And then the next day, I feel like it's weaning off as I wake up on the second now, almost third day, dude. So I finally. I call him. And I'm calling him to also be like, hey, man. Like, that wasn't cool, right? Like, you feel like I gotta say something to you? Like, that was not cool. So I call him. I go, dude, how much did I take? For real? He's like, you took a 200. That was a 200 milligram.

[Alex]

So he took a.

[Tom Segura]

He took a thousand and he did a show. Holy.

[Alex]

And does he just have a slow metabolism or something? Like, it hits him at the end

[Tom Segura]

because years ago, he gave me, like, a 20. Like a 25. This is. We were. We were also traveling to do a show together. And I was like, that was horrific. Like, that was horrific. And I asked him. I was like, so do you, like. Do you not feel that that doesn't affect you the same? He goes, what are you talking about? I almost had three panic attacks on that flight. And I go, so you also feel that? He's like, yeah. He goes, I like going, there. Seen the devil, you know? So he's not like. I thought.

[Alex]

He's chasing the anxiety.

[Tom Segura]

He wants it.

[Alex]

Yeah. He.

[Tom Segura]

He feels that.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I go, bro, a life of

[Alex]

crime will get you there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. To him, it's, like, invigorating. So it's not that he doesn't feel it. He feels it.

[Alex]

He, like, misses the ca. That's kind of interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Imagine I miss chaos. That's exactly right. Yeah. And at the end, I go, hey, man, that. I go, so you give me 200? I go, Bo, that was one of the worst 48 hours I've had. Yeah. And he goes, yeah. I go, so, like, kind of like, what do you have to say? He goes, you needed it. I go, what?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He goes, you needed a reset, and I gave you one. And I go, why? Did I need a reason?

[Alex]

I was doing great. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, nah, it's good for you. Now you start over. I go, this is just.

[Alex]

This is just, like, criminal talk.

[Tom Segura]

You need to learn a lesson.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You needed a lesson, and I gave it to you. And I go, what are you talking. This has nothing to do with anything. Anything.

[Alex]

Being high for, like, multiple days, though. Like, I remember in college, and I'm going to date myself huge here, because back in the day, to have an edible, you had to bake it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, you couldn't just buy edibles. Like, you had to, like, make butter out of weed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then you would put it. Make the brownie. Okay. Yeah. So then you make brownies. Right. And I didn't even know that. Like, I thought you just cooked the weed with the brownies and then consumed it. It's like there was this whole thing where you, like, oregano, like, you sprinkle it. I had no clue what it was, and I didn't even smoke weed really that much. I remember we were in college, and then we made the weed butter, and we really, like, squeezed the juice, and then we put it in and we mixed the brownies. And I don't know if, like, the tray was lopsided or something like that, but I remember having, like, a piece and barely any. And I was high for three days.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And the first one, I got so high that I was about three seconds behind myself. So, like, something would happen. I'd be aware that it happened, but then it would register a few seconds afterwards, and I was, like, watching a FIFA. I was watching buddies play FIFA, and, like, they would score a goal, and I would see them get up, and then I would see the goal score, and Then I would realize what happened. And I'm in my friend's room and I go, oh, I gotta throw up. And then I go, that was three seconds ago. And I ran to the bathroom and I just projectile Vaughn and ramen noodles into the bath, like, just made it. And the entire floor of the bathroom was just ramen noodles. Couldn't eat ramen for, like, years. Yeah, it was just, like, baked into my subconscious.

[Tom Segura]

I think my worst drug experience had been weed.

[Alex]

What about the Molly?

[Tom Segura]

Well, that was after. Was that worse?

[Alex]

You had a rough one on Molly.

[Tom Segura]

That was after. During was the best. It was the.

[Alex]

It was the after part. Stressed?

[Tom Segura]

No, during was fine. Was after because of, like, the comedown. Like the. From the.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I got, like, a week where I was. I felt like I was in a dream. Yeah.

[Alex]

I would just, like, walk around.

[Tom Segura]

I'd be like, oh, I'm not here right now. We had to go. We went to Austin. We did shows of the mothership. And I'm on stage watching myself do comedy. I think that's that serotonin drop, right? Depersonalization. Derealization. Yeah, that's what they call it. Dpdr. And I was just, like, tweaking out.

[Alex]

Mark's so analytical, though. It was so adorable. Like, he was feeling all these good feelings.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I always do that.

[Alex]

And maybe it's because he's so Catholic, too. He's like, why do I feel good? This is not allowed. And he's having these feelings, and he's, like, in real time going, I'm aware that this is just the chemicals in my brain that are making me feel this. And we're just sitting there, like, just feel it. I had a journal.

[Tom Segura]

I would journal every, like, minute. So, like, okay, I take a bigger

[Alex]

dose at, like, 12:05.

[Tom Segura]

And, like, I would jot it down the whole time.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, journaling.

[Tom Segura]

I still have the notes. And I would, like, like, log how I felt.

[Alex]

And I would go up to him,

[Tom Segura]

I'd be like, hey, dude, I know I'm on drugs, but I do love you.

[Alex]

Yeah, that's the best part.

[Tom Segura]

That's the best part. Yeah. But weed, though. No, I would smok weed and then start thinking about, like, planets. And I would start being like, oh, we're just monkeys. Yeah. And then we're walking around. We're all monkeys. And I had to go home to my wife and be like, hey, can you take care of me? And then she's, like, brushing my hair and, like, plucking stuff out of my hair and I'm like, oh, we are monkeys. I mean, other than overdosing, the worst stuff I've had was the worst experience I've had. Have been with weed, dude.

[Alex]

Weed is the worst.

[Tom Segura]

The worst.

[Alex]

It's the wor. When it's bad. Like, I. I remember once I had another one of those, like, multiple day highs. I was visiting a friend who was going to usc, and I got so high off edibles. Like, the floor was lava.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I spent like a day in a dorm room.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Just like on a couch because I didn't want to touch the ground. And I was like, I know this is stupid, but why risk it? But why risk it? Yeah. Why would you. Dangerous.

[Tom Segura]

You would feel so embarrassed if your

[Alex]

leg got molten off. It's not worth it.

[Tom Segura]

It'd be so humiliating. Old school edibles too. Like you're talking about, bro.

[Alex]

I'm sorry.

[Tom Segura]

When I.

[Alex]

The guy that I went to visit, his roommate had downloaded all the porn from the Internet. And I'm not being hyperbolic.

[Tom Segura]

All of it.

[Alex]

This guy, Neil. I won't say his last name. He fucking loved porn.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And he had files and files. This was at a point in time where, like, there wasn't that much porn. Like, the Internet was new. Like, and he had hard drives and hard drives. And I was trying to look up something on his computer, Right. I was trying, and I got on his mouse and I clicked the mouse and it was like, not. It was a PC. So I clicked the mouse. Remember it had those two things.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Then I clicked it with my pointer finger. And all of a sudden, like, that little box opened up.

[Tom Segura]

Right click.

[Alex]

Yeah. And I was like, yo, Neil, I think your mouse is fucked up. The right click keeps popping. This guy switched the mouse so he could jerk off with his right hand, and he made the mouse lefty.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing.

[Alex]

The dedication.

[Tom Segura]

That's such commitment.

[Alex]

The dedic is unbelievable.

[Tom Segura]

Amazing.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To plan for a stroke. Such is great. That's supposed to be something, like, overtakes you. Like a demon, you know? Remember, like old school CD cases.

[Alex]

Yes, of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I knew a guy who had one of those of just porn DVDs, and he would travel with them. So he's like, I have a T. I'm going to Phoenix this weekend. And he would have the. And he would have it in the airport. Like, walk through with a full, like, CD case of like 100 dB. You're like, you need to. For the weekend. That's how. How committed he was.

[Alex]

All right, guys, we'll do dates real quick. But first we gotta shout out the boy. Akash Singh did it, man. Yes. Radio City. Yes. Sold the out.

[Tom Segura]

Killed it.

[Alex]

Not a single seat. Killed that really awesome set. And, like, addressed the things that he's been going through in, like, a hilarious way. And, like, I hadn't seen his set in a while and, like, introspective. And it was very, very, very awesome to see. So make sure you guys go continue to check out Akash. But he sold that shit out. The entire Internet came for him and he sold it out. And none of his critics could be able to handle that type of onslaught and then push through and sell out Radio City. Absolutely not. No fucking way. Not a chance. So he just shut them all up and as he should, and shout out him. And that was fucking amazing to see. It was beautiful. Shout out you. Love you, dog. Great fucking job. Salutes to Aakash Singh in the building. We got some shows coming up this week on Tampa. Sold out. Thank you guys so much. Tampa, Denver is sold out. Thank you, Denver. We got the Greek Theater. I think there might be a couple seats at the Greek left for the Netflix is a joke festival with Jelly Roll. And we just announced some more comics. I think they just announced on the lineup. So go check that out. That's May 8, May 15, Salt Lake, sold out. And then we added Virginia Beach. June 5th and 6th have been added the Funny Bone Comedy Club, Virginia, Virginia Beach. So get that. And then Halifax, Nova Scotia, we're gonna be up there. Me, Mark, Camp Patterson, Lucas Zelnick. And we're gonna be out there in Halifax running it up.

[Tom Segura]

Amazing.

[Alex]

You know, shout, rip the Go Pat Stay, man. We need to do like, a Pat Stay tribute when we're out there.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, what happened to past day?

[Alex]

He passed away.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't know this.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. Yeah. The roast legend, man. The rap roast legend.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Anyway, Halifax, Nova Scotia. Okay, Mark, let them know.

[Tom Segura]

I'm going to be the Comedy Connection in Providence, Rhode Island, April 23rd. And then at the end of the year, I'm doing a bunch of dates. Plano, Texas, Chandler, Arizona, Pasadena, California, San Diego and Detroit. I would love to see you guys all there. Thank you so much.

[Alex]

And, guys, I'm throwing tennis events this summer. Three dates. May 16, July 25, and August 29. Just head over to All Love Racket Club on Instagram, the link in the bio. These tennis events are going to be dope music, food, giveaways, all that stuff.

[Tom Segura]

See you there. And fart ready to soundtrack your summer

[Alex]

with Red Bull Summer All Day play.

[Tom Segura]

You choose a playlist that fits your summer vibe the best.

[Alex]

Are you a festival fanatic, a deep

[Tom Segura]

end dj, a road dog, or a trail mixer? Just add a song to your chosen

[Alex]

playlist and put your summer on track. Red Bull Summer All Day Play. Red Bull gives you wings. Visit redbull.com/bright summer ahead to learn more.

[Tom Segura]

See you this summer with those edibles. Dude, I worked in a post house in LA. I remember this is like the early 2000s. And again, it's like, you know, there's not weed stores or anything. And there's a guy there in post who was like, you want. You want like an edible cookie? And I was like, yeah, I'd love that. He gives me a. It's one of those giant chocolate chip cookies. And I go, how much did I eat? And he goes, eat the whole thing. I was like, all right. I remember I told someone else and they're like, eat half. Let's see how it goes. So I'm just home alone, like on a Friday night or Saturday night, and I eat half. I'm just, like, watching tv. I don't know. Half an hour later, I was like, I feel nothing. I'll just finish this cookie, dude. Within an hour, tears, tears, crying. And I'm like, I'm a bad brother. And it. It. It stays like that for like six hours.

[Alex]

Is there anything that, like, you enjoy? It seems like every experience, it just brings out, like.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think the weed ones were. Were too much. Weed is just always a disaster. Yeah, like when I OD'd, I OD'd on GHB and a bunch of stuff, right?

[Alex]

What do you mean you OD'd?

[Tom Segura]

I OD'd. I was like in a coma when I was like 19 on. When I. I took a bunch of GHB and drank and mixed it up

[Alex]

and I got ghb is the.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. So you took Voluntera and we all did then. Yeah.

[Alex]

Who's Wheel?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that girls got. I mean, it's just Florida in like the late 90s, early 2000s, that was like, very popular. So you put it in a bottle cap. So, like, the way you took it, this is how you would do ghp. Got it for real. It was just like this. It was like this, bro. You go like this. This was a dose. So you'd go that much? Yeah, it tastes like ocean water. It tastes like salt water.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

It's almost immediate. Like, immediately your whole body, you'd be like. We'd call it Like Permagren. Because you'd be like, just chilling.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Someone be like you. And you'd be like, that's right. Nothing bothered you. Everything felt good.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So I was doing that regularly. And. And that was everyone in, like, my high school clique was. And I went to college and I brought some to college, and then I ran out.

[Alex]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

So I came back and I saw the dude. I was like, yo, let me get some more of that Georgia homeboy, man. Let me get some of that Georgia homeboy. And so that's how we would get it in these. In water bottles. Like, it looked yellow. And he hadn't dispensed it yet into the water bottles. He had it in a gallon jug.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So he's like, here you go. And literally I'm like, well, how do you take the right dose if you're used to the literal water bottle cap? So I have a full gallon jug, which is, you know, wait to it. Right? And you're like, okay. So you put it up.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah. It's over.

[Tom Segura]

And what happened was I just went like this and I realized I have like 10 doses in my mouth and now I don't want to be rude.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I don't know, like, it's like a wine tasting.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, do I spit this out?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's like a split second decision. You do. Bet you do. You do.

[Alex]

But you.

[Tom Segura]

But at the time, I just went, yeah. And I just put the thing down. Thanks, dude.

[Alex]

I love. I love how you're framing this as I didn't want to be rude. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I will overdose in front of you. But the real thing, the reason I ended up in a coma was because the, like, the big rule with it always was don't drink on it.

[Alex]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

And I had drank already a bunch,

[Alex]

so it's in the system.

[Tom Segura]

I was already cooked.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then I just was out. Woke up in icu fucking, you know, tubes and all this.

[Alex]

Chance you would have died.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I was going to die without in moment. The only reason I didn't die was my sister was at the same place. She called 911.

[Alex]

Get out of here. It would.

[Tom Segura]

I would have definitely died. Yeah. Definitely died.

[Alex]

How long was the coma?

[Tom Segura]

Not that long. 8, 10 hours or something before I would fall too. Damn. But. But the thing was, she was like, yeah. Everybody there was like, just let him chill. She's like, he's just like, just. He's just chilling right now. She's like, that is.

[Alex]

That is the way you kind of deal with it, you hope that it just like. Because you're also in GHB and you're like, grinning. You're like, oh, he's feeling.

[Tom Segura]

He's good, man. Telling you he's good. Yeah. But she called. She called.

[Alex]

How?

[Tom Segura]

Pissed for your parents, bro.

[Alex]

So wait a minute. So you gave her a bakery?

[Tom Segura]

Is.

[Alex]

Is that. Is that why you start the bakery?

[Tom Segura]

No. I owe you the wor.

[Alex]

I can tell you this.

[Tom Segura]

When you. When you wake up, right? You don't know what's going on. Yeah, obviously I have no idea what's going. All I do is like, I wake up, I'm in a hospital. So I wake up and I'm looking at light heights. Yeah. And also they have my arm strapped down. Because they don't need to pull tubes out.

[Alex]

Yes. Because that's a knee jerk reaction.

[Tom Segura]

Because I have a breathing tube. I also have a tube sending liquid charcoal into my stomach.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To have everything coagulate. And so I'm looking at these lights and I'm like. And then I see a doctor that I know come into frame. Like, literally, like. And I know her. And I'm like. I'm like, that's Dr. Cassant. And she's like, you're. She goes, you're in the hospital. She goes, you overdosed. But, you know, here's where you are. This is what's happening. And I. I can't talk, so I'm just like, okay. And in my head, I'm like, I hope my parents don't know. Like, that's all. That's my thought. And then they come into frame and they hand me a piece of paper because you can only, like, scribble. And I'm like, I'm 19, but I still write. I go, go, are you mad? Right? And they show that my dad looks and he goes, nobody, just disappointed. And I was like, man, couldn't pick another thing.

[Alex]

We're happy you're alive.

[Tom Segura]

At least a little. Just wait. And. Yeah, that was.

[Alex]

What does mom say?

[Tom Segura]

She's just traumatized.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She's not really saying much.

[Alex]

You haven't stopped traumatizing her?

[Tom Segura]

No. That's kind of the biggest joy, I think I. I think you really enjoy it in life. Do you ever seen the helicopter thing I took her on?

[Alex]

Yeah, I think I did.

[Tom Segura]

That's one of the hardest I've ever laughed because I couldn't believe she would go up with me.

[Alex]

Do you have a. See if you can find this clip.

[Tom Segura]

It's amazing because I started Taking flying lessons.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And I went up with this guy helicopter flying. Helicopter flying.

[Alex]

Why helicopter?

[Tom Segura]

I just always liked them.

[Alex]

Why? It's just.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I like before, after Kobe, after.

[Alex]

Wow. Yeah. You're wild, boy, bro.

[Tom Segura]

But I remembered that one of the things you learn is just like, with,

[Alex]

you know, I never want to get in that helicopter.

[Tom Segura]

I love. I love helicopter.

[Alex]

It is the most convenient way to get from Manhattan to jfk.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You're there in five minutes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Okay. It is. And like, now when you get, like, a car service or something in traffic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

It's, like, unbelievably expensive. It's not that much crazier to take the helicopter.

[Tom Segura]

When I come here, you do it. I take the helicopter to Newark, I take it to Long Island. I take it everywhere.

[Alex]

It's amazing. It's five minutes. The thing that I'm terrified about is every single time. And I had to stop once I had kids, I just stopped doing it. Is that I don't like, at least with a plane, maybe this makes no sense, but I'm like, all right, if the propellers go out, the wings are there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Land on the Hudson. Land on the Hudson. Sully. Yeah. What do we do with the helicopter? If the spinny thing, auto rotation, and

[Tom Segura]

you just go down.

[Alex]

So you believe at the heights. Yes. You believe, knowing everything you know about things falling, that at the height the helicopter is, that it would just slowly.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we do it. We do it when we're training. We shut the engine off and actually just.

[Alex]

But at what height?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, we start for probably the first time you do that, it's several hundred feet. You know, you shut it off higher

[Alex]

than when you're going from Newark to the city or JFK to the city.

[Tom Segura]

From JFK to the city, you probably find you probably just most of probably 1,200ft. And then you think you're.

[Alex]

We're 1200ft up.

[Tom Segura]

No, some. Like, I've. I've. I've. I've done it. Some. You're not. You're not flying at 5,000ft.

[Alex]

I thought we're like 500ft or 300ft.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, sometimes you're at 500ft.

[Alex]

So you're toast at 500.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, you're not toast, man. You're. You're toast. If you fly into the side of a building that I think we could avoid.

[Alex]

Yeah, I'm never worried about that because

[Tom Segura]

you can see there, you can't take the engine turn on.

[Alex]

Well, we take the waterways.

[Tom Segura]

Birds. Birds. Can you Pretty bad, you know. Yeah, birds are a real problem. And there's this thing too.

[Alex]

Why are you smiling? Birds. This is reframing every, every story he's ever told.

[Tom Segura]

There's this funny thing too. When you're flying, they go. Just so you know, we're always about two seconds from dying in this thing. You know.

[Alex]

They say that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, because in, when you take a, when you fly a plane, like I've flown planes for lessons too. Do you basically once you take off and you're cruising like you could read a book. Yeah. Right. In a helicopter, you have, there's zero time off. In other words, like you are, you're just engaged the entire time. Why? Because you have to be, you have to have your, the, the cyclic, your, your, you have to have control of all times because you, you can't. If you'd let go, the aircraft would go down. Like in a plane, you can just be like.

[Alex]

You're saying you have to hold it up manually.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you have to, you have to hold that and you have to keep your elevation the whole time. And you're, you're looking at the horizon the whole time.

[Alex]

Oh, so there's no like just autopilot.

[Tom Segura]

There's none of that. Oh, you're always. But here's the thing. There's like a, an upside and a downside of that. You're, you're fully engaged. You're hyper aware. You're not really think of anything else. You're just looking and you're making inputs all the time, constantly. There's never a point where you're not giving some type of direction to.

[Alex]

That's not more reassuring at all. Yeah, I trust me less. I like to read a book option.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, sometimes I do too. Sometimes I do too. But like also I, I'm not going up there alone. I'm up there with a, like an instructor.

[Alex]

Have you guys ever gotten into some.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'll tell you this. So there's different types of tom. There's different types.

[Alex]

Learning a lot about TOM today.

[Tom Segura]

There's different capacities. Just like with a car, a Honda Civic and a GT3RS are different. So with helicopters there's a big difference. One of the ones that I learned about was this MD500 which has fully articulating blades and it's like Coast Guard uses it.

[Alex]

So this means that blades on top can actually rotate this way. So you're not changing direction with the back thing.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you, you, you, you totally. The, the thing still operates the way. That's this one that I don't know if that's an md.

[Alex]

Is it? This is the one that looks like they take to, to JFK.

[Tom Segura]

The blade thing.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

MD 500 is so that it has, it's. It has maneuverability options that you don't. Wouldn't get like in a Robinson 44.

[Alex]

Got it.

[Tom Segura]

Right. So the guy that takes me up in this is like a super experienced pilot. And he's like, you want to see some shit? And I was. So he's doing some crazy shit in the aircraft, like sideways, up, down. And I go, I want to try to get my mom in this and do this to her, you know, because she's scared of air travel anyway.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So it's a good reason. I go, I go tell her I've been taking lessons. Yeah, I want to take you up and do like a city tour. And she's like, I'm expecting her to be like, not a fucking chance. And she goes, I'd love to see that. And I go, really? Which city in Austin? I go, just like, I'll fly you around Lake Austin, take you to see.

[Alex]

Yeah, maybe the most boring touring city tour. You're in Hawaii.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You're gonna see the top of these three story buildings.

[Tom Segura]

She's like, I will do. And then I tell him. So I like, we take off, I do some flying and then I just give him a signal and I go like, let it rain. Like, just go nuts. And I had, I had these. And she. I mean, I've. I've never heard her play this.

[Alex]

And give us a little build up, Joey, make sure that we're at like, she's calm, at least in the beginning. Okay, good. Is this right? Okay, here we go.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he's. You can't see externally what he's doing, but we're like sideways to the ground. She's so scared. And I can hear her laughing. I can hear her laughing. Dude.

[Alex]

Dude, is this your mom?

[Tom Segura]

He flies vertically. He sends us into nose dives.

[Alex]

And you can hear on the intercom. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She's making me cry when.

[Alex]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

It's one of the hardest I've ever laughed.

[Alex]

Dude, you're going to hell.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Alex]

Like, this is your mom. I want to see her cover this out. Do we have her coming out?

[Tom Segura]

Yo.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think a human being is capable of doing stuff like that. He's as bad as a gun. Yes.

[Alex]

He's a mean son.

[Tom Segura]

And he tried to kill me. It didn't work out for him. I thought you would enjoy It. I would show you the. Some of the coolest. I cry, I pray. I got petrified. And now you're like, scream. And now you get to go. It's my birthday. I'm shaking.

[Alex]

I have completely nauseated, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that cool though? No, it's on me. Make it cool. And then all of a sudden, we are just crashing.

[Alex]

Then we are going to the.

[Tom Segura]

It was everything that can kill a human being. That's all the stuff that I've been trying to master. You came here with the intention of destroying your mind. And now we go home. No, we're going to the mall.

[Alex]

To the mall.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you are going to the mall.

[Alex]

And for a long time.

[Tom Segura]

Don't forget to mention it's my song. Maybe I'm going to get the iWatch 15.

[Alex]

I'm getting both.

[Tom Segura]

That wasn't even the advent. You allowed him to do that.

[Alex]

He's good pilot.

[Tom Segura]

How much did he pay you to say that? She. At one point. This was after my dad died. And in her chaos, I heard her screaming. Think about your father. Was there any moment you were like, oh, maybe we should chill. Or you just. Definitely not. No.

[Alex]

Do you have no fear of death? Are you not like a big what happens in the future Guy?

[Tom Segura]

No, I. I think I definitely have a. You know, I don't walk around like, scared to death all the time.

[Alex]

Right, right.

[Tom Segura]

But no, I think about mortality for sure. But this is also just so much fun. Like, sometimes the fun outweighs that, supersedes it sometimes.

[Alex]

Even when you had kids, was there not this part of you? It's like, all right, I gotta turn down some stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, some of it. Some of it. I mean, I used to go to the track more like in Austin. We have coda Circuit of the Americas.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I have been since we've had kids, but there's a couple times where I

[Alex]

thought it was running.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. There's a couple times where. When you're doing laps and especially when you start to build up.

[Alex]

That track is sick.

[Tom Segura]

By the way. The track's amazing.

[Alex]

That. That like. Like incline before that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, it's crazy. And there's this back straight that I had been in. Like, what are you.

[Alex]

What are you driving on it?

[Tom Segura]

I've taken out a couple GT3s.

[Alex]

Yeah, this is a Porsche.

[Tom Segura]

Porsche, yeah. Yeah. And then. But then my neighbor. I had a neighbor there with a. So those are the ones I were driving. Were manual.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Right. My. My neighbor was out there with a Ferrari F8 and he was like, you want to take mine? And I was like, yeah, it's automatic. And the but doesn't have the. It does.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

If you just the but even with these paddles which you're using, you can never mimic how fast this is compared to this.

[Alex]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And, bro, when I was on that back straight, I was like, oh, that's one of those times where I was like, oh, I could. I could die. You really felt it because it was significant speed compared to the. To what I had been driving like that, I think in the manuals, you know, you hit like maybe 145, 150 on the back and on his, like, 177. And I was like that. You feel that more of like the margin for error feels like much, much smaller there.

[Alex]

I did not even close to that speed, but I was on. I was on that track with Yuki Sonoda, you know, the F1 driver.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Small Asian guy. Yeah. And he took me out in a. I think it was like a Ford. I forget what the it was. That's somewhere Ford gt.

[Tom Segura]

The gt.

[Alex]

Yeah, I think it was the gt.

[Tom Segura]

That was badass.

[Alex]

And they. It's a badass car. They soup it up. Obviously, it's not some, like, f. You know, Formula 3 or whatever. The thing that I noticed the most was the car wanting to just turn over on the turns. So, like, you actually. Actually feel the tires, like, ripping.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

And I was like, can you give me an example of what this is compared to what you're feeling in the formula cars?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And he was like, this is the equivalent of like, taking a golf cart on the track.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, crazy. This is the F1 track. Dakota track. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember.

[Alex]

I did the Spanish Latino, right? You don't have to do white people. We got him. Hey, we got him.

[Tom Segura]

You're right.

[Alex]

That's your mom. You can't do that to your mom. Were you like this as a kid? Did you like dirt bikes and.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, just ghb, dude. I always like cars. I always like fast cars. Yeah, Yeah. I never had any, but I still like them. Right, but you were thrill seeking in some way. You know, I didn't. I never did bungee jumping. I never did the parachuting stuff. Stuff. You know, to me, it was always like something with an engine. Like. Yeah, that's always what was. I like boats, like, going. Going fast. Yeah, I like going fast. Yeah, yeah. But she. Oh, I went to that Dallas Motor Speedway. I got in a NASCAR there, and I would Because I was like, how fun could that be? The. The loop.

[Alex]

Amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Amazing.

[Alex]

Is it because of the.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

So break that down. What is that even called? Bank the. The bank the gradient, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Dude.

[Alex]

Can you even stand on that at its highest point? I. I don't.

[Tom Segura]

I think you. I don't know if you could. It's tough to run up. Like, it's. Yeah, it's difficult to get up there.

[Alex]

So what happens if the oldest guy causes that?

[Tom Segura]

You can get up there, but it's tough.

[Alex]

But, like, is it at 45 degrees towards the top? Is it at.

[Tom Segura]

Might be. That's what it feels like. Sure.

[Alex]

I.

[Tom Segura]

But what was fascinating to me was they were like, all right, you. You have to. You have to keep this speed because

[Alex]

if not the car just going to

[Tom Segura]

fall over and then they. Wow. You know, and like, you realize.

[Alex]

Carnival ride.

[Tom Segura]

There was a guy in the radio, like, telling me. Me, like, where to go, what speed to keep, when to push, then and then to maintain. He was just like, now just hold it.

[Alex]

And you're alone in the car.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

And what do you have to hold that?

[Tom Segura]

Huh?

[Alex]

33 degrees.

[Tom Segura]

30.

[Alex]

33 degrees. And what do you have to hold on that, speed wise?

[Tom Segura]

Well, so they. They had this thing where they were like, we don't want to be liable for your death.

[Alex]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They start you off and then what? When you complete a lap at a slower rate, you come in and they would manually change the limiter.

[Alex]

There's a governor on the car. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then they. So every time I would do a couple laps, I would have to pit and they would, like, ramp it up a little more. And then I was like, let it go all the way. And they're like, not a chance. But it was super. I think the highest we hit on that was like in the 1-50s or 60s.

[Alex]

There's a clip of this guy, I'm sure you've seen it, where it's like he's talking to his. What is the captain or who's the guy who's basically crew chief or pitchy. Yeah. You're his pit chief. And he's like. Like, I'm just gonna push my foot down and either see a checkered flag or see. God.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Have you seen this clip?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You see that one?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And he. And he just pushed. We should bring it up. He pushes his foot down on the gas and then he rides the wall.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So he doesn't even try to maneuver.

[Tom Segura]

Lightning McQueen.

[Alex]

Literally, it's something outside of cars from cars. And he just basically. Basically scrapes the whole side of his car and uses the bank or the wall as his own protection so he doesn't fly out. And then I think he wins the race.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they made it illegal after that. I'm pretty sure.

[Alex]

Probably a good idea.

[Tom Segura]

Like the wall ride. See the checker flag or see. God's pretty wild.

[Alex]

What his name? His name's Ross Chastain. You got it up, Joe. You guys are great. You need audio on this one just to see this guy.

[Tom Segura]

You guys said, I'm not.

[Alex]

I him going to put my foot on the floor. And I'm not lifting to, like, be God or. Checkered flag. My man. Look at this. They always play sky. No one's ever gone through 3 and 4 in Martinsville that fast, ever. He went from 10th to 5th place. I never seen anything like, wow. Wow. Strategy. Holy Tom.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty nuts. Nuts the next day.

[Alex]

Why would they ban it? That's kind of sick. It's Gran Turismo. You can't do that.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, have you been to a NASCAR race?

[Alex]

I'm not nascar. I'd like to go to nascar because

[Tom Segura]

it was a much different experience. I had the same thing where I was like, I'm not. I'm just not interested.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I went there first. I. I went to the Daytona 500.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

First of all, just the atmosphere. Sort of like the first time I went to ufc, I wasn't that interested in you. I was like, yo, go to an

[Alex]

actual fight, you're like.

[Tom Segura]

You go to fight and you're like, holy shit. The energy. So the energy. Daytona in particular, is just. It is electric. I mean, really takes over. Then you're in there. We were able to walk around with, like, the different teams, and you see, like, the caliber of people, the conversations they're having, the studying, and you're like, holy shit. There's so much strategy going into this and, like, so much commitment the whole way through about this. And then the skill itself, when you. When. When you hear the engine start and they take off, you're like. Like the. It's like this visceral reaction. Yeah.

[Alex]

The.

[Tom Segura]

The sound and you just being there changed the way that I looked at the sport. I mean, the flyover, the flyovers, you need that at everything. The flyover is unbelievable that they had the. What's it called? Not the Blue Angels, but the Air Force One. The Thunder. I don't know, but. Holy. I thought we were getting bombed. I was like, oh, my God. The Thunderbirds. Yeah. Just them flying over. Yeah. The whole atmosphere. You walk out of there being like. That was all unbelievable. Yeah.

[Alex]

There is something about the races, which is like. I didn't grow up with car culture at all. Like, I grew up in New York City. Nobody had a car.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I went to a Formula one, and the sound of the cars made me feel like this childhood nostalgia. And I never had cars, but it was something about just, like, this loud motor. You just feel like a kid.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And they zoom by, and every time I just find myself going, zoom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah,

[Alex]

yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They're fun, too.

[Alex]

Did Miami. We did. And then Austin, and I don't know if we were there for. No, we weren't there for the. In the. In Abu Dhabi. But there is a hotel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

On the property, I think we drove.

[Tom Segura]

I drove on that track, too. Yes.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That was sick.

[Tom Segura]

So fun. So fun. I would say there's something about NASCAR

[Alex]

that makes you feel all American.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I haven't been to an F race that I imagine it's like a little. A little higher class.

[Alex]

Oh, you know, I mean, you definitely. It's the same.

[Tom Segura]

There's something about NASCAR where it's like, you see, like, pristine, like, engineers working on. You see, like, former D1 athletes, you know, in the crew. Then also just like a dude with a shirt off getting sunburned. And you're like, this is great. It's very America.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. It's worth going on at the.

[Alex]

At that track in Abu Dhabi. I thought that the markers on the side before the turns were the speed you were supposed to go, not the distance to the turn.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

So I was, like, trying to.

[Tom Segura]

I have to go 220.

[Alex]

So I was like, I don't even understand. Yeah. The point of this, really. But that was sick.

[Tom Segura]

It's so cool. They were so. Such gracious hosts, too. They were so, like. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. The best.

[Tom Segura]

The best.

[Alex]

All right, guys, let's take a break for a second. I've realized something over the last couple years, definitely since having kids, that sleep is the most precious resource on the planet. Is more valuable than oil, gold, other things. Diamonds. Diamonds. Like, none of these things matter really, to be honest with you. If your sleep is off, your whole life is off. Your mood, your energy, how you think, all of it.

[Tom Segura]

It.

[Alex]

And I didn't really take it seriously. And then I. I did little things that could incrementally change how well I was sleeping. And one of those was, I switched to Brooklyn bedding. This mattress is different. I'm not just like crashing anymore. I'm actually recovering. You want recovery. You want a mattress so comfortable you're sleeping through the night, not waking up at 2:30. Then again at 4:30, tossing and turning because you're on some horrible mattress that doesn't allow you to get that recovery that you need. Okay, I reset. That's what I do. I recommend getting yourself a mattress from Brooklyn Bedding. They're not just throwing together some random mattress. They've designed and built everything themselves in their own factory in Arizona. No middlemen, no gimmicks, just quality. Yes, it's Brooklyn Mattress that's designed in Arizona. I don't. Maybe there's a part of Arizona called Brooklyn, but we're not looking into it. The real reality is you're going to sleep. They got options for everybody. Whatever your sleep style is, they got something for you. If you sleep hot, personally kind of sleep hot, they actually have mattresses that stay cool at night so they can cool you down. You want your temperature to be a few degrees colder so you get that nice deep sleep. Also, this is big. They're endorsed by the American Chiropractic Association. So if you believe in fake medicine, you will appreciate that. Okay. You don't have to stress trying it either. They're going to give you a 120 night trial. Think about that. That's four months. If you don't love it, you can swap it out. Simple. So do yourself a Favor, go to BrooklynBetting.com, use the promo code FLAGRANT at checkout and get 30% off site wide. That's BrooklynBetting.com promo code FLAVOR for 30% off. Get your sleep right, everything else gets easier. Also, before we go back in skin, we've gotten some very interesting results. Some health results.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

All of us on the podcast gotten some health results. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know why we did this. It's just a full on body scan of all of our markers.

[Alex]

All of our markers. We're going to find our biological age and we know what our biological ages are. And before we tell each other what they are, I just want to know like how confident you guys are and who is the youngest.

[Tom Segura]

Well, this is where it's tricky because I have the youngest biological age for sure.

[Alex]

I mean sure about that.

[Tom Segura]

100.

[Alex]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I don't know if I have the biggest delta.

[Alex]

No, no, no, forget that. No, there's no way you have a younger biological agent.

[Tom Segura]

Do you have you? The fact you haven't pulled your phone up.

[Alex]

Makes me think that you're lying. I only have to remember two numbers. No, see it. I know what mine is. I need to see it. I have my age. You have your age. I got my age. Okay, so we got this whole like body scan and they looked at all these different markers etc. Shout out to Function health. That did it for us. And you know, is really just bestowed bragging rights on us. It's not even about living forever or like understanding like how your body's becoming decrepit. This is just another bragging tool that we have on the pod.

[Tom Segura]

I.

[Alex]

Why don't we start with Alex Black don't crack. Yep. Let's see it. Definitely don't crack. Let's see if Black doesn't crack. I'll blow you out the water. Just let's see. Let's see.

[Tom Segura]

Well, should we start with his actual age?

[Alex]

Yeah, what is your actual age? I don't know that. What is your actual 30s? You're 38 years old. You're a 38 year old man. My biological age? Yeah. It might be Extraterrestrial because it's 23.4. Oh, boss y' all ass. No, that is helpful. I don't know if Function Health is.

[Tom Segura]

That is.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know how accurate.

[Alex]

Accurate. But it makes it feel good. Feel really, really good.

[Tom Segura]

It's.

[Alex]

They shaved 15 years off of your age.

[Tom Segura]

Dang.

[Alex]

Come on.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, what was out?

[Alex]

Can you tell me what was out?

[Tom Segura]

Super. Let me see.

[Alex]

Because I beat your. No. What is your again? 23.4. This is crazy. You beat Mark? Yeah. You beat Mark. I didn't say I would beat you. I said somebody else would beat you. You are younger than Mark is biologically. Look at him. No, this is what? You can see him. You're not even married. Doesn't count. Married. Kids.

[Tom Segura]

You don't have a kid.

[Alex]

It's not even. I'm shocked. Yours is as low as it is. I saw it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm coming in at 23.8.

[Alex]

But he has a child that's three months.

[Tom Segura]

That's three months.

[Alex]

He has a child and a wife that's barely younger than his actual age.

[Tom Segura]

No, but when did you take yours? What's your delta?

[Alex]

He did his three.

[Tom Segura]

Three months before.

[Alex]

What's my age? Yeah, what is yours? I think I'm older. I think I might be a few years older. Who's got mine? I'm 35. I'm 35. You're healthier than Mark, cuz you have A bigger Delta on yours than Mark does.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Alex]

That's dumbass. You got to. Dumbass. You got to divide. You brought out your Delta, dumbass. But you said, why you talk about Delta? I never even want to talk about Deltas.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Alex]

He brought it out. Now you're in third place. Get some sleep.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Alex]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

I'm 23 over 29.

[Alex]

I hope you enjoyed it.

[Tom Segura]

Divide his.

[Alex]

Now you know. Now you know what seeky is. Now you know all these religions in the world, but you. All this breathing. You do the.

[Tom Segura]

I don't do that.

[Alex]

I don't do that. I don't do that, do that. Boy, it's crazy. He does all that. I don't even know what just happened over there. Thank you for bailing me out.

[Tom Segura]

I appreciate.

[Alex]

Upstate you do your little breathing exercises. That ain't. You need to take some time off, B. Now, the outfits and the nails make perfect sense. I dress my age. I know you. Yo, what is your hairline on your. On your function health. Can we get that? That must have had a couple decades. No, I'm not. What is my. I'm 35. 35. Take seven years off.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Alex]

That's how old I am. I'm still old. Even with my biological age. I'm old as. Yeah, golly, what do I take anyway? You can fix it, probably. Look, wait, how would I fix it?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I don't know why you look so tired when you said, I know I'm tired.

[Alex]

I try to shame you into, you know, taking care of yourself. No, I look good. Now, that makes crazy chill. When you sit down, you know, your stomach goes up and your belly just, like, flops over. That's what it's supposed to do. No, the whole interview, you're like, is that your pubic hair coming in so high? Why you sweating, son? I don't think you're 23. No, I don't think you're 23. Hey, numbers don't lie, man. But you do. Not the double. You do lie, though. You are a liar. It's a problem. Numbers don't.

[Tom Segura]

Were you honest on the intake form? Do you say your actual age?

[Alex]

Oh, that's right. Great. What are you talking about? I was like, how tall do you say you were? That's a good ass point. I think. Now you have to show them your IDs.

[Tom Segura]

You're built like a child. For real. That's. You got a young body, got short height. I'm this.

[Alex]

Yeah. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Try to get out of.

[Alex]

I think what? Old ass brain that's just backfired.

[Tom Segura]

Early onset.

[Alex]

The synapses went fired right there. What I think Mark's trying to say is, like, there's still hope. You can still be crazy growing. That's what I meant. Like you. You might be able to get a couple more inches on you. There you go. It's a chance. There is hope. Highly unlikely. Come on, man. Gotta be optimistic. Yeah, I guess you're right. Anyway, look, you can own your health for a dollar a day. Think about that. $365 a year. That's a dollar a day. You learn more and join function using our link. Visit functionhealth.com Flagrant Use the gift code FLAGRANT for a 25 credit towards your membership. Get your real age up. Okay. You should do it. Not tell your girlfriend or wife. End up being younger than her.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

Deal with that existential crisis. They love that. They love that. Also, my wife is still like shedding baby weight. I'm supposed to get shredded while she's going through her. Yeah, it's disrespect. Shedding baby weight. Yeah. Look at this guy. I'm trying. And how much is he aging? Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Stressing me out. Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Anyway, let's get back to the show. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. You know those friends who support your preference for podcasts over music on road trips?

[Tom Segura]

That's the energy State Farm brings to insurance.

[Alex]

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[Tom Segura]

worrying about insurance and more time enjoying the rest Ride. Download the State Farm app or go online@state farm.com.

[Alex]

like a good neighbor, State Farm is there.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't realize you were such a thrill seeker.

[Alex]

This is news to me.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I think it's pretty much like there's people who are like, it's 24 7. All these things. Yeah. I feel like I. I just like fast cars and what does wifey feel about this? Could you. You take it easy, please?

[Alex]

That's. That makes sense.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Could you not do something stupid and crazy? Yeah.

[Alex]

And then you continue doing it and then what's that?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I just, I feel like I like, like I said, I haven't done the track thing in a while. It wasn't like, I don't want you to go anymore. It was just kind of like natural fall off thing. The flying. She was like, yeah, she prefers fixed wing. She prefers a plane. Yeah. She's like, yeah, learn to fly a plane. Yeah. Yeah. So.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But I haven't gone up in motorcycle. I've never. No, I did it one time. I did it one time and I was like, nah, never again. Just is one of those things where it's. It's like when you know your limits thing where you're like, this ain't for me. You know? This ain't for me.

[Alex]

The bike shit is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It ain't for me, dude.

[Alex]

There's people.

[Tom Segura]

I know that. Like. The other thing is, I think there's a. Like in a lot of ways, if you start your motorcycle driving at 16 and you're 40 now, like, I make sense. Yeah. But if you're like, I'm gonna pick this up.

[Alex]

No, it feels crazy.

[Tom Segura]

You know, You're a motorcycle guy.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you ride around. No, I mean, not anymore. Now I'm just like an electric bike. Like a dad.

[Alex]

I fall.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Alex]

No, but he had a proper motorcycle in New York City.

[Tom Segura]

Still have it. It's awesome. It's the best. I mean, I imagine in a city like this that's.

[Alex]

That's also not that dangerous because you're

[Tom Segura]

in the city, you're going like 25 miles, but then you go out of the city and just go through like little winding roads. I was never fast, like, you know, like, like motorbike guy. My last experience. Sorry. I did the motorcycle once and then I was in Australia and I went to Daniel Ricardo's ranch.

[Alex]

Oh, in Perth.

[Tom Segura]

In Perth. And he was like, yeah. Like. Like I got all these toys.

[Alex]

He's got the dirt bikes out there, right?

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So he's like, let's ride these dirt bikes over to the other part of the ranch. And I was like, yeah, I don't know, man. He's like, it's a. Like whatever ever 10cc. I don't remember the. He's like, it's nothing. I was like, I just. I don't. Trust me. He was like, these are. These are nothing. I go, all right. So he's like, just. I go, just tell me the. The basics. Right.

[Alex]

I can't wait till we hear this story from Daniel. And he's like, yeah, Tom just wouldn't stop begging me to get on the every. Just wouldn't stop pestering me about this derp. He just acts one time.

[Tom Segura]

This was so clear cut.

[Alex]

Friends like you, by the way, who, like everything happens to them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Alex]

Like my. I have a buddy. I won't say his name, but it's just like, yeah, this girl is, like, begging me to come back to her room and, like, just begging me to stuff my dick in her mouth. And I was like, all right, fine, I gotta do it.

[Tom Segura]

I do it for you, for her.

[Alex]

She feels so insecure. If I don't even like coming. It's just like, okay, go, go.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he. So we. We fill. He fills it up in this one garage. And then I go, just tell me. I don't. I go, I'm not an experienced rider. I know this is a Mini, but, like, what do I need to know? And he's basically like, this is your gas, I think, you know, up. Up for, like, there's like, three. It's like three gears. And he's like. And then these are your brakes. Your brakes are right here, like, on the. Let's say, the right side. I'm like, all right, so we're going up this hill, and then we start, like, cruising. And we cruising this, say. Let's say, like, 30. It's like. It's up this dirt path. And I'm like, yeah, this feels good. It's fun. And then you're like, man, this is fucking rad. I like this. And as this thing comes up to the top, you see that there's a turn to the left. So I'm cruising. I'm like, all right, well, now it's time to slow down for this turn. So all I know is ease off here and pull this brake. So I start to do that, and I turn, slide out, fall off, right? And it takes me a second second to just check, like, is everything okay? So I'm checking. There's blood coming out of here. There's blood here, but nothing's, like, broken. I turn to Daniel, and he's laughing so hard that he can't even say words. Like, he's just in tears, laughing. And then he's like. He's like, you okay? And I go, yeah.

[Alex]

What?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I did what you said. He goes, I forgot to tell you that, like, the left side's, like, the rear brakes.

[Alex]

So you threw the front brakes.

[Tom Segura]

Ah, yeah, that would have been cool. Yeah. From someone who said, I don't know how to do this. And then he just, like, patched me up. Like, we had to clean everything and patch me up. I was like, bro, like, you could have said. He goes, yeah, I just. I forgot.

[Alex]

He's like, I need to have fun. I need to have fun too.

[Tom Segura]

It's fun to watch people eat. Yeah.

[Alex]

Ricardo is the man, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

He Is the man.

[Alex]

He's the.

[Tom Segura]

He's the coolest dude I know for sure did that.

[Alex]

I think he did it right.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Oh, my God.

[Alex]

Like, he maintained. Posit Daniel Ricardo. So if you watch, like, did you watch Drive to Survive the Formula one, the show. Do you remember when that documentary came out? It was like a documentary about 4 million for sure. But yeah. He's just a coach or a driver.

[Tom Segura]

Driver.

[Alex]

He's a driver. But like, he just maintained positive vibes the entire time. Always the most hyper competitive. There's 20 sports spots. Yeah. There's 20 people on the planet that get to drive the car.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And your teammate wants to take your head off. Nobody is your friends. No one likes you. Everybody's jockeying for another, you know, seat at a different car. If you're, you know, what is it? Your contract's about to go up and the guy won races and made crazy money and he's got his life.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. It's awesome. Standard Ranch Australian is fucking awesome. Dude.

[Alex]

The ranch is sick.

[Tom Segura]

Amazing. Yeah. Amazing.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He has. And he's. This is him. This smile is. Is this guy, like all the time.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's handsome. Like, retired at 35. Yeah. Just having the best time. Like, what have you been doing like, so far in life? Well, for like 15 years, I was a professional race since I was like 21. You're like, oh, and you have this great disposition. Yeah, he's. He's great dude.

[Alex]

Yeah, he's a man. But it is a crazy, like, think about that. There are 20 spots shots. How many jobs are like that?

[Tom Segura]

No, I know. It's like, just because even when you think about like pro sports, where it's like the elite of the elite, still NBA, there's 400 and some NBA players, you know, NFL, 53 man roster. You're still super elite. But this is like 20. Yeah, that's it.

[Alex]

And you. It's kind of hard to conceptualize because you're like, well, what makes you good at just driving?

[Tom Segura]

I know. And they're so young. Young. Like when they get in, when they.

[Alex]

Now I feel like they're much younger than they used to be. I feel like back in the day, the guys would have, like, longer careers.

[Tom Segura]

Some of them last long. Yeah.

[Alex]

But.

[Tom Segura]

But for the most part, these are like. Yeah.

[Alex]

They're like kids. And they go from. They go from driving a go kart. Yeah. To driving the fastest cars on the planet.

[Tom Segura]

It's wild.

[Alex]

It is weird that there isn't this like intermediary.

[Tom Segura]

I know. It's go kart. Then it's like Formula 3, Formula 4. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

But why the. Why. Why is go kart the best comparison?

[Tom Segura]

I think it's the only thing that could be accessible to somebody who goes, I want to race. Like, what could you possibly get into?

[Alex]

That's right. Because all the other cars is just millions of dollars.

[Tom Segura]

It's so much money. And even, like, you hear these stories of, like, Lewis Hamilton and I'm sure a bunch of other guys where they're like, I wanted to race. Even that go karting was expensive for us, and the people had to sell things and work second jobs just to let their kid go kart. Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

But we gotta, like, talk to one of these guys and ask them, like, what the actual competitive advantage is. Because they're not engineers. Right. It's not like, yes, they understand the cars and, like, some of them know how to, like, fix them, et cetera, but, like, what do they know that we don't know?

[Tom Segura]

Well, the one thing that I learned. Cause I thought, you know, you see about these, like, how the budgets are crazy for, like, Mercedes, Ferrari, McLaren, and how these other ones have, like, a fraction of the budget.

[Alex]

They also get some money from the.

[Tom Segura]

But here's the thing. Thing that money goes into, like, even though you think you see, like, 20 F1 cars, these ain't the same cars.

[Alex]

Oh, that is.

[Tom Segura]

They're not driving the same.

[Alex]

Yeah. This is like capitalism in its most pure form.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And here's another thing. Even the cars on the team.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Are not the same.

[Tom Segura]

Not the same.

[Alex]

And that's the thing that they try to pretend isn't the truth.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

But, like, Max's car. Car might have 20 engineers working on it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And the second car at Red Bull might have three.

[Tom Segura]

And you could be a driver who's top tier, and you get into one of those, and you go, this car. Like, they know. They're like, this car is, you know, like the. The. The way it handles the. The whatever. Like, everything about it, they go, this feels like I'm driving a truck.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they. And you realize, like, oh, I thought it was the same. Like, it's not the same. It's not the same team, different cars.

[Alex]

The car just as good. So they say they do. And it's the same engine and the same parts, but, like, the amount of people working on it to tweak it. Basically, what a team like Red Bull has to decide is, hey, we got to keep Max happy. And if the car is not that good, we have to deploy way more people to working on that car to get the most out of it. And we can only really do that with one guy.

[Tom Segura]

Oh no, I'd be pissed if you're the second guy. There'd be 14 different scientists.

[Alex]

I'm. But that's, but that's the where. That's the where basically like you got to be a politician in that game because you could be. Have a stank attitude about it and then people don't want to work with you. Or you could be lobbying the team constantly to get them to support.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like there's all this behind the scenes drama. That's kind of interesting that again there's 20 spots. So if you're a pain in the ass and you're not winning every race, they're going to go, I can get another guy to lose.

[Tom Segura]

You forget how sensitive those guys are to the mechanics of like on a lap, what they sense.

[Alex]

So that's, that's the competitive advantage. Right.

[Tom Segura]

That's the. I feel like it is because the same way that like you and I, anyone who works a microphone, we can feel a crowd.

[Alex]

We can feel the like, yeah, this is tinny.

[Tom Segura]

Or this feedback is here. Those guys, they're like this understeer. This is, it's. It doesn't feel right. Something that like I feel, feel like most people would just be like, this is how this car moves.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They're so dialed in on things that they know like, I can't win in this car. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. Gotta have a str. You gotta have a good neck.

[Tom Segura]

And I found, I think Ricardo told me, I was like, how much do you guys think about weight? Like how much you weigh? Oh. And it's because like every, you know, everything counts. And he's like the heavy in F1 is, I think 160 pounds. Wow. You want to be under that. You know, you can't get dwarves to

[Alex]

doing that, but you can't get little people.

[Tom Segura]

They have midget racing. Yeah, you're right. That's the cars technically. Maybe that's the secret to it all. We need a right.

[Alex]

Like I don't.

[Tom Segura]

Why not a top tier little man driver? Would that not be a benefit? I mean there's people trying to cut their legs off to compete in like Paralympics. You ever heard? Jesus Christ. Yes.

[Alex]

There's like dudes, they cut them off

[Tom Segura]

so like they'll have like able bodied people.

[Alex]

Well, get the out of that. That maybe that's another one I've heard

[Tom Segura]

of is like people that have like a Spinal cord injury. They'll have disabled legs.

[Alex]

So their legs don't work. See, like, you might as well hack them off. You might as well chop them off

[Tom Segura]

so you can roll around faster. And the guys that roll around with no legs go a little faster than the guys with the legs. So the dude will go to the doctor, be like, can I get my legs back? He's like, nah, you're never getting your legs back. He goes, all right, drop them off, because I'm getting a gold. All right? I'm competing for America. I'm making the team.

[Alex]

But they're like, think about, like, whatever it takes. I was thinking about it. Without a doubt, like, the level of competition. Without a doubt. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Jordan never cut off his legs, you know? No, but story, you know, the.

[Alex]

With the finger.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Respect that.

[Tom Segura]

What is that? Ronnie Lott got his, like, finger caught in, like, a face mask. And it was the kind of thing where anybody would be like, what are we gonna do? And they're like, well, you're out of this game. And we'll. Whatever. We'll go to the hospital and do whatever. He was just like, just take it off.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, cut it off right back in the game.

[Alex]

And they did. Yeah. Yeah. Who's the trainer? Who's the team? This is. We live in a new era where, like, the teams have to pretend they care about the athletes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, they put you in that little tent. They're like, we have to see if you got a concussion. And it's really just a guy in there. Like, so you gay? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Get back out there 100%. Are you a fucking bitch?

[Alex]

Yeah. Look at you, you pussy.

[Tom Segura]

But you don't remember your birthday. So what? Get out there and hit the guy CXB and get in the game.

[Alex]

Do you remember what a nickel defense is?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Good. Get out there.

[Tom Segura]

It's this many fingers burned.

[Alex]

It is a little. It is a weird time for sports where they have to pretend a little bit more.

[Tom Segura]

They have to pretend and football more than, like, that whole thing is like a big pretend. Like, we're football. Like, we know what's happening.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They don't give a fuck about you. They literally treat them like cattle.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, that's the way they use people get like.

[Alex]

They're like.

[Tom Segura]

They just take away your key card to work, to walk, and that's how they cut people.

[Alex]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

To get into, like, your shit doesn't work anymore. Like, they don't give a fuck about it. You almost played college ball, right? No, I played high School football. And I almost played. I almost played, like, small D3, D2 ball. But I was like, I'm definitely done. And I also. They told me before I went, was

[Alex]

that not exciting enough?

[Tom Segura]

Well, the thing was, when I. The one I was going to go to, they. The admissions office called me in June or, like, end of May, and they were like. I was, like, planning on going, and they're like, your math scores are so bad from high school. You got to take a math class this summer in order to come to school here. And I just was like, I'm not doing that. And it was just like, okay, goodbye. It was like. Like, that was. Was it. And then in August, like, two days before camp, the line coach called me. He's like, we're excited to have you, son. It's going to be like, you know, the whole speech. And I was like, oh, I'm not coming to school there. He was like, what? I go, yeah, you guys said, I had to take a math course. I didn't do that shit. And he was like, what the fuck? He's like, no one told me that. I go, I mean, I didn't have your number. Like, you guys told me that. And it was just like, all right. And he was like, bye. And we just hung out. I was like, yeah, just not just doing that. So it was just a dis. A disinterest in having to do math and also being like, I'm not. I was once I got in college and I saw how hard the guys worked that were on the team, and, like, what I was doing, I was like, there's no way I would do this.

[Alex]

Also for, like, D2. D3. Football.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

D2. D3 basketball. Even if you're riding the bench, it's fun. Your whole body isn't destroyed for the rest of your life.

[Tom Segura]

Life.

[Alex]

D3. You were playing the line.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, your. Your brain is going to be different. Oh, yeah. From practice for nothing.

[Tom Segura]

For the love of the game.

[Alex]

We won a championship. D3.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. No, no, you're totally right. And I saw that, like, these guys, their offseason conditioning, where they were getting up at, like, 5, and, like, you know, it was just, like, so much work. And it really is, like, the truth is, if you really, really love it that much, I could see, like. Like, I did it. I played D2. D3. And I was. I loved it. Yeah. But I knew that I didn't love it like that, you know? Like, I loved it when it was, like, fun and I got to play all the time. And, like, you know, it wasn't. It wasn't that type of commitment.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And when I saw, like, how I was living in college, I was like, there's no way I could.

[Alex]

Where did you go to school?

[Tom Segura]

I went to a tiny school. School in North Carolina called Lenore Ryan. Like a small, small school.

[Alex]

What is it?

[Tom Segura]

Lenore Rhine?

[Alex]

Lenore Ryan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. It's the only school I got into. I didn't think I was gonna get in anywhere.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the. The high school guidance counselor. Like, I went into the office. I went to a small prep school, and he was.

[Alex]

Football?

[Tom Segura]

No, no. Just, like, in high. We moved. I was in Milwaukee in a big public high school, and we moved to Florida. Florida. Went to this small private school. I was a terrible student. And I went in to see that counselor, and he was like, you know, you don't have a lot of options. And I was like, really? He was like, no. He's like, your grades are terrible, man. I was like, okay. And then he left the room, and there was a piece of paper on the desk that had my classes. GPA of everybody in descending order, so you could see, like, all the way down. And I'm looking at it, and, like, I'm. I'm like, probably in the middle, right? They, like, flip the page, and I'm second to last above a guy named Rocky. I was like. And what was Rocky like? Dumber than. I mean, dumber than. Literally. I mean, if you met Rocky, you'd

[Alex]

be like, bro, this guy, he's living up to the name Rock.

[Tom Segura]

Rocky was a box of hammers. Like, he could barely spit a sentence out. Yeah. And I was like, holy. I'm almost as dumb as Rocky. And then he's like, where do you want to go to school? And I was like, I. For some reason, I got locked in about. I love Denver. I visited once, and I was like, I want to go du. Denver University.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, good luck, man.

[Alex]

I was like, okay.

[Tom Segura]

So I sent them an application. They denied me.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And then I was like. And I go. I don't know where to go. Like, he's like. I mean, he's like. And I don't know why he pulled this school up. He was like, this is a school. It's in North Carolina. It's. It's in the foothills of the Appalachian. It's like a small, picturesque kind of college town. And I was like, all right. I went on a visit, and I was like, I don't want to go to school here. Like, I don't want to go to school here. And they were basically like, well, like, tell us where you want to go. I remember that even though I had the fantasy of the big college experience, I didn't want to stay in Florida. Like, I probably could have gotten into, like, some big university, but I was like, I don't really want to be in this state anymore. And so I applied and they let me in. They let me in, and I just went super small, really small college. But as soon as I left, I was like, all right, I need to go to, like, a bigger. I went to Boston. I did real estate for a summer. Then I went to D.C. and I worked for America's Most Wanted. And then I went to la.

[Alex]

Doing what?

[Tom Segura]

I was a researcher. I would research stories for them to do profiles on.

[Alex]

Isn't it. Don't we know who's most wanted?

[Tom Segura]

Well, but they have to. What's the research? There's so many fugitives. But they need it to be a good story because it's television.

[Alex]

So you had to discern if this Most Wanted person was also wanted by the American public.

[Tom Segura]

Basically, it's like, like, who is this person? What's the story behind it? And would this be a compelling story to produce and make, but also, like, is the person, like, worthy of a profile on America's. Most people get caught from that show all the time. Hundreds.

[Alex]

Oh, so it was good.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, the show was the show. At one point, FOX was like, we're canceling the show. And the backlash was so severe that they're like, what about back on?

[Alex]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did you discover any cases that got solved later? I did. The funny thing is, I had a. So I interned there. I got an internship when I was in college. So one summer I interned there, and that's how they offered me a job after I graduated. And at one point, I was only there. My first day was September 10, 2001. Okay, so what happened soon after Tuesday was kind of wild.

[Alex]

It was wanted.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we just started profiling terrorists.

[Alex]

That's a fun pitch. On the 12th, I got an idea. Hear me out. We're coming.

[Tom Segura]

Toragora. It was. It was real crazy. But I did pitch. I had, like, they would, you know, they would give you, like, these research documents. And I was like, how about this guy? And it was this guy who had been convicted of some horrible crimes in Costa Rica. American guy. And then he, like, bribed his way out. And they were like, this guy's. This guy's a nightmare. So I Pitched the story in like the, in the pit there. And you know, they take it into consideration. Then I had an offer to re up my contract and I said, no, I want to, I'm moving to la. I want to pursue entertainment. So I moved to la. But like a month later, they're like, hey, we're going to do that piece that you pitched. Do you want to go on location for it as like an association associate producer on it? And I was like, yeah, for sure. So I was able to go to Costa Rica and do the, do the piece with them. But it was, it was a really chaotic kind of world to dive into these stories, you know, like, you see the eight minute version of it when you're like reading the stuff every day. I mean, it's gnarly dudes. Gnarly dudes.

[Alex]

And they caught the guy, that guy.

[Tom Segura]

I don't remember actually, if they caught that guy. We caught him. A number of people, even in the short time I was there. But, you know, is there anybody you

[Alex]

caught that you were like, this guy's not that bad. Like, like you read his stuff and you're like, ah, he's just robbing banks. Like, who cares?

[Tom Segura]

There would be things where you were just like, this is not that exciting. Yeah, you're looking for, like, excited. And then, I mean, the show's credited with, with Whitey Bulger, you know.

[Alex]

But wasn't Whitey kind of an inside.

[Tom Segura]

Well, there's that whole story, but I'm saying him getting caught. Yeah, was. Is credited to the, to somebody watching the show. Cuz they featured him all the time. All the time. They would.

[Alex]

Yeah, but like, everybody knew Whitey in Boston.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's not like the FBI director. Yeah, he's one of our guys.

[Alex]

Whitey was like working at a flower shop.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, they all look, they look similar.

[Alex]

I thought they caught him outside of Boston.

[Tom Segura]

They caught him in la. Yeah, they got him Santa Monica. Yeah. Was it a little sketchy doing these pieces though? Because these guys have a vested interest in not being caught. Yeah. You know, and then you are like a young kid doing like these investigative pieces. Like, was there ever an internal conversation like, hey, don't let people know you're working on this? Like, not really. I mean, the thing is, law enforcement would treat you like you were celebrities anytime. You know, I got pulled over in D.C. and they saw like my hat and they were like, you've been drinking? I was like. And they're like, is that America's Most Wanted? I was like, yeah, I worked There, like, oh, that's tight, man. Can I get that hat? I was like, yeah, here you go, man. That's crazy. They loved the show. Yeah. I mean, he did uncover also a serial killer.

[Alex]

Oh, that's right.

[Tom Segura]

Partially his time during working on the show.

[Alex]

This gives you way more credence when you think about it.

[Tom Segura]

He's a journalist.

[Alex]

You're a journalist. Especially an investigative journalist with people who do violent crime.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Kill people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And one of the things that. One of your side quests in life is you have many side quests is there is a serial killer on the loose that happens to be tracking Garth Brooks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, allegedly. Allegedly.

[Alex]

We gotta put that out because apparently he's quite litigious, this guy.

[Tom Segura]

Things can. This guy's got deep pockets too. You gotta remember.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what's crazy is that, like talking about gb. GB He. We talked about just how weird his social media is. That's how this all started. Like, you saw his Facebook.

[Alex]

Yeah, he's doing like raw.

[Tom Segura]

I remember that.

[Alex]

With him and his wife.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, the. When he joins Facebook. Cool stuff.

[Alex]

Can you get that up? When he.

[Tom Segura]

This is. This is how this all started was just commentary on this guy's, hey, I just decided to join Facebook. It's one of the weird. Have you seen it? It's one of the weirdest things that I've ever seen. He's like, so just join Facebook book. And what he says in it, you're like, this is like an alien talking. Are you familiar with Garth Brooks? Contextually, Just that he's a country singer.

[Alex]

Country singer. I don't know what he looks like right now.

[Tom Segura]

Iconic.

[Alex]

I know, he's big. Yes. So big that he didn't put his music on Spotify. He's like, you got to buy the album still.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if that's Amazon. So he was like. He's like, you can't get you Apple Music. They're like, you can't find Garth here. He's like, my shit's on Amazon and at Walmart and Facebook and fa.

[Alex]

Was he the one who didn't want to put his name on when we. No, no, no. Different one. Different.

[Tom Segura]

So this, just so you know, is like the. This is what. The first thing I ever commented on. And this was what he put out. I just thought it was weird, dude.

[Alex]

Okay, play.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I guess it's official. We're now on Facebook. I really wasn't sure about this at the start, but then a friend of mine said something that Just made all kinds of sense. She said, think of it more as a conversation.

[Alex]

I like this, that.

[Tom Segura]

But I'm already finding out on my own.

[Alex]

So it's wiping the walls out between you and me.

[Tom Segura]

And I really like that it allows us into each other's worlds.

[Alex]

Or I. I guess in my case, the hotel room.

[Tom Segura]

When I think about things, I want to post. I want to post cool stuff, slick stuff, neat stuff.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. Most stuff I'm going to post is

[Tom Segura]

going to be raw stuff like this. This is just who I am.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So if this is truly a conversation, then I say let the conversation begin. All right. That was it.

[Alex]

This is how we think all white people are. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Alex]

This is how we think you guys talk at home.

[Tom Segura]

And I mean, it's so weird stuff.

[Alex]

Cool stuff.

[Tom Segura]

But it's like the Voice stuff is like, I like that, like he drops into a different positive and it's like, it's just like it's awkward. And all I did was like say how awkward it was. I'm like guy's first person time ever seeing a video. Like, it's so strange. You know, we just talked about it. Then he did another like press conference or something. I was like, that was weird as too, like, and I was like, this guy's kind of. There's a thing where somebody gets to a level of fame like you can. You might not realize how famous he is.

[Alex]

Oh, he's number one, the highest savings selling country artist and unbelievably talented.

[Tom Segura]

So talented.

[Alex]

Like, the shows are incredible.

[Tom Segura]

The shows are amazing. And when he. And literally, literally he'll put a stadium on like a legit like where the Giants play and it sells like you're selling out a club. Like they're like, oh, it's sold out. So it's out like that.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So, so, so famous. And I think when you're so, so famous for so long socially, you become kind of awkward. You've seen it all at Madonna Jackson. But yeah, you just get Tom Cruise

[Alex]

dancing on the couch.

[Tom Segura]

It's weird.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. So I just kind of was like, this guy's weird, man. You know, And I joke and said that, like there's missing people and I don't know, they kind of line up with places he's been.

[Alex]

But was that a joke or has that actually happened?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I completely just said it as like an alleged silly thing. Right.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And the funny thing is, you know, from being in this space that the like, as people start to give that legs the easiest way out of it is if you're the person and you want, like. Because they started to, like, take over his social media is just to, like, lean into it or say, acknowledge. Just say something. Be like, yeah, chopped up some. Or like, I'm not a killer.

[Alex]

Whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Pick some angle.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But, like, the full ignore makes people get louder and louder.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So they just got louder and louder. They took over. He would do a post, there'd be like 5,800 comments all about, I want my grandmother back. Like, crazy. People were just like, I want to see my family again. They just went crazy. And this lasted a while. He shut out. No more comments. No face. You can't comment on his Instagram, on his Facebook, nothing. Just shut it down. And then I was like, wow, this. And I wasn't, like, hitting this up every day. It was just something you just kind of threw out there, and it took off. Eventually, I met somebody who. Whose family member worked closely with him, and they were like. I was like, does he know? And they're like, oh, he. Yeah, he knows, dude. He knows you. He knows what you said. I'm like, is he mad? He goes, I mean, guard doesn't hate his. The family said, guard doesn't hate anybody. And I was like, okay. And then they said that. He. He said. Said what? That Garth saw my basketball injury video and said, karma, karma right there. But then, like, earlier this year, I get a.

[Alex]

Just g. Watching the video. Somebody on his team sending it to him.

[Tom Segura]

You're going to love this.

[Alex]

Love this.

[Tom Segura]

Court's got some slick stuff. They got this. This begins his book at the studio. Studio. And I'm like, this isn't real. And I flip through it, and then they're like. I see clips of this guy. A guy wrote a book about. Is Garth Brooks a serial killer? No.

[Alex]

He did a full Bodies in Low Places, which is a play on. That's his song. Yes. That's the only country song I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But this guy does a full. Full examination. Two brave journalists.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Dare to expose the music industry's darkest secret. Yeah.

[Alex]

It's so Stranger.

[Tom Segura]

Two Detectives. That's awesome. It's just so. It's so silly that. That something that literally started as a commentary on that video. Yeah. I showed you. Wait, is that.

[Alex]

Do you know this guy, Matthew Cox?

[Tom Segura]

He's like. I think, yeah. This guy right here. I don't know. He's a. He's a big podcaster.

[Alex]

He goes on a bunch of podcasts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Okay. Forget exactly what he did before. He had some Type of, like, criminal past and then, like, got out of prison. Like, talks about, like, his life in crime, a few guys like that. Yeah, yeah, it's a good lane. He's one of those. He's actually really entertaining on pods. I've never met him before, but he's. That's a shocking. Turned into this dude. Yeah, bro. You can't have him. You can't have him on the pod. You know, that would just give more. More fodder. I mean, I don't. I. But, yeah, it could be fun. Yeah. I've always. We tried. I tried to get Garth on because at one. At one point, they reached out and they said, garth's gonna do some interviews. Would you like him to be on the podcast? I go, of course.

[Alex]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

So they were like, write something that. Like, that we can show to this to one of his people.

[Alex]

And that's where the book came.

[Tom Segura]

I just write this whole thing about, like, how I would love to have him on. I'm like, you know, just very much interested in having him on and, you know, interested in his career and all this and that. That. And then the person that I'm talking to says, oh, I had a conversation with their guy. And this is like, how lazy like, agents and are. The agent told my guy. Instead of, like, confirming, he goes, didn't he say something crazy about Gar? Like, instead of, like, looking. Yeah, he was, like, asked you. I feel like that could go wrong for him. Like, I feel like that guy has said something. I'm like, you just fucking Google it. But eventually they were like, yeah, he's not. He's not coming off. Not happening. Not happening.

[Alex]

No, I think we need to make that happen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that would be awesome.

[Alex]

How do we get Garth?

[Tom Segura]

You have Garth on here, and then you just have me walk out. Oh, hey, partner.

[Alex]

America's Most Wanted cowboy hat.

[Tom Segura]

I could get John Walsh here to be. We've been looking for you.

[Alex]

You are weirdly tuned into Internet culture. I remember when I was doing your podcast, like, but is there any. Any credence to that? Yeah, so what? Like, if somebody writes a whole. I mean, there got to be some.

[Tom Segura]

I haven't read the book, but it's also. It's like, hey, man, weren't you on tour in Lafayette? You know, there's a missing person there. You're like, I mean, yeah, if you

[Alex]

tour the country, people are missing around the country, so you could.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think. Allegedly.

[Alex]

Also, it's very reasonable to assume that if you have a stadium full of people. People. There's a serial killer in there.

[Tom Segura]

Sure. Someone's gonna die after the show, man. Crazy. Yeah.

[Alex]

They're following you around the country.

[Tom Segura]

85,000 people. Yeah. Something went wrongfully killed somebody. Yeah.

[Alex]

No, but what I was saying is when I was in your pod, like, I remember watching this guy. Oh, my. I'm gonna. I forget his name, but, like, I'd always seen you, like, connected to, like, internety stuff like that for guys our age is kind of odd to know, like, deep Internet shit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Even when I come into the office and like, the young folks in the office, like, I'll say certain things, they'll kind of laugh at me, like, how the fuck do you know about it? And I'm scrolling while I take a shit and then I see something. But it was. It was. It was this tailor in Singapore.

[Tom Segura]

Hong Kong or.

[Alex]

Hong Kong.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I thought it was Singapore. They would, like, sexually harass the guys that he was making suits for.

[Tom Segura]

He messaged me yesterday.

[Alex]

Yeah, okay. After I did your part and we talked about it, he hit me up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And he's like, dude, we got to do a suit or something like that. And I was like, I don't know know about that. But it's. The guy is hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

He's hilarious.

[Alex]

Yeah. And I think, you know, more like his father was a very famous tailor

[Tom Segura]

or something like that. The place is called Sam's Taylor and in Hong Kong. Hong Kong has this really interesting history of. Well, for many things, but there's. There was obviously a lot of Indian immigrants that came, right. And one of the trades they brought with them was suit making. Like, like actual, you know, the clothing. And. And so there's parts in Hong Kong that it's just like tailor after Taylor. And they're all. A lot of them are Indian, right? Like, Indian immigrants who. Who ended up there. And his father's place where he is now, Sam's Taylor is like, re. Like, has they've dressed? I think the last six US Presidents have gotten sued.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The walls are adorned, like a lot of this place with like. Like, just famous soccer players, actors. I mean, like, a lot of people have gone to this place. It's like, super legit. I saw his videos and I was just like, they're hilarious. Like, same kind of thing.

[Alex]

I'm just like, you got to get

[Tom Segura]

up a video playing them.

[Alex]

So this is. Give an example of it. We'll find a good one. That's how you get into Illuminati, right?

[Tom Segura]

Hit him with, like, grabs your Nuts.

[Alex]

A male. And then like in. In his. In his. The office?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, in like the fitting room.

[Alex]

Yeah. Keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going, keep going.

[Tom Segura]

Has he stopped doing this kind of content as much? No.

[Alex]

Okay, keep going. Just have him standing next to like.

[Tom Segura]

Is this his personal account or is this Sam?

[Alex]

That's Sam's Taylor.

[Tom Segura]

It is surprising that there's not more of him. Like that. Scroll up. That guy on the left there. That's. That's is what he does.

[Alex]

Go. Young American boy. How old are you? 21. That young? Yeah, sure. Yeah. This young American boy is actually Polish. His parents are born in Poland. They immigrated the United States and this bastard sold out Lewandowski and Europe to be part of Trump's ICE regime. So Trump. You know what I mean? I don't even understand who does this in this world. You know, Trump is bombing Iran, destroying everybody.

[Tom Segura]

Bastard.

[Alex]

You have le. You know, do you know who is Levandowski? Who's Les. Who's USC has the World cup bastard doesn't know who is Lendowski.

[Tom Segura]

You pay for this.

[Alex]

It's insanity. I would hate this. Smells like a Yang. Disgusting Bombing pig. No accent. Maybe accent. Cannot decide accent. Color. Cannot decide. USA or Poland. Bar pocket with a curvin kick. There is the peak of my pocket.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the kid's like, what the fully lined.

[Alex]

Your face is burning. Huh? Overlapping buttons on a fully functioned cup. Even Porky pig here.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Alex]

Option Pokey.

[Tom Segura]

Figures.

[Alex]

Absolutely gift wrapped in my four defense. Let me tell you one thing. He may be porky, but he's got his own Chinese gift here. Except for Chinese. Okay, let's see. Let's open him up. That jaws swollen, dude. Glory of the inside. Lovely. I made in the shirt too. Wow, look at the spongeness.

[Tom Segura]

And let's turn them around.

[Alex]

And as you can see, no matter how porky you are, no matter how he's shivering now, no matter how non pole you are, whoever you are, I will absolutely gift wrap you. Absolutely gift wrap.

[Tom Segura]

How would you. How would you do with that, do you think?

[Alex]

No matter how hard I go, this

[Tom Segura]

guy's so strong in the glutes, this

[Alex]

is no effect on him. Pause. Yeah, yeah. How. How would you react to this type of Taylor? I mean, it wouldn't get that far.

[Tom Segura]

You pay for this? Well, no. Well, sort of.

[Alex]

Give me $1,000, I'll insult you and

[Tom Segura]

smack the out of your. He doesn't do it the same to everybody. It's not the same treatment to everybody. So some of them he just sexually Harasses.

[Alex]

You got to get the little Asian. Find him with a little Asian. He goes.

[Tom Segura]

He was really aggressive with. He's not. He's always has aggressive energy. It's not, like, always face smacks and, like, insults. Sometimes he's just, like, like, overly effusive with, like, like, compliments, but he's just like, really? So he does custom work. You know what I mean?

[Alex]

Whoever you are, you're getting a custom treatment.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was. That was pretty. That was a lot. That was a lot.

[Alex]

That was insane. Yeah, that was really cool. Crazy. Right here. Let's see it. You said watching. You got, brother. I'll. I'll start. Single button, a glorious pearl button, A deep press stitch on a peak lapel. Check out. What has he got? He's got my Richie Platsman the Imagine dragons patch pockets. 1, 2, 3. Last time he said I was a copycat. Nonsense.

[Tom Segura]

Like, this. His son.

[Alex]

Oh, okay. So it's not gonna happen.

[Tom Segura]

He changed up the energy a little bit. Yeah. Different energy for his son, I see. Yeah.

[Alex]

But I see you, like, finding these, like, weird characters on the Internet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, that's been, like, my fascination for. You know, we started our podcast in 2010. Wow. Wow. So, like, it's. It really did become from, like, you see a weird or funny or crazy thing and being like, yes, I want to. I want to talk about that. I want to play that. I want to dissect that, and sometimes I want to find that, because that became what it became was. Like, first we would just laugh, talk about it, have people like you, where you go, let's comment on this. And then this whole thing became like, oh, can we find this person?

[Alex]

It became big enough where, yeah, you

[Tom Segura]

could be, like, this person.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And that became a fun thing of, like, we've found numerous people that a lot of times you see a video and you're like, I don't know. This isn't. Like, this person has a business and everything, but sometimes it's like, just some random dude, and the video has, like, eight views, and you start talking about it, and then all of a sudden, one of your fans is like, yeah, that. That guy's in Highland Park. I know that guy. You're like, what? And then you kind of try to connect, and sometimes you zoom. Sometimes. We had people come in, but it's always been, like, an exciting thing to break down, like, who these people are. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, you kind of discovered Andrew Tate that way. Yeah, infamously.

[Alex]

Yeah. Yeah. You really put Tate on Dude, that's so funny.

[Tom Segura]

People have been saying that to me since. But he was for us.

[Alex]

Hold on. Can I pee real quick? And then we talk about. Okay, so you're responsible for the.

[Tom Segura]

Save it.

[Alex]

Save it. All right, guys, take a break for a second. I'm gonna be honest with you. I didn't realize how much water quality actually matters until I switched to Jolie. Okay? What's Jolie? That's what you're asking? I'll tell you right now. Sometimes you can be doing all the right things, using good products, taking care of your skin and hair, and something still feels off. You know what that is? That's your water quality. Okay? You can't have good pizza without New York water. It's really two places on the planet where you can have good pizza. And it's Italy and it's New York and weirdly, in Tokyo, but they figured that thing out over there. Regular shower water can contain chlorine and heavy metals. Great on pizza. Horrible on your skin. Yeah. Okay. Horrible for your hair. What makes a slice of Joe's amazing? Probably all those chemicals and medicals. Whatever I was just talking about.

[Tom Segura]

You taste the chlorine, you're like, oh, is nice.

[Alex]

That's what's good about it. Yeah. You ever have a slice of pepperoni, no chlorine on that?

[Tom Segura]

That's terrible.

[Alex]

You don't even want to eat it. But Jolie, that's where they come in. Okay, would I suggest putting it on the faucet in the pizza place? No. Would I suggest putting it as your shower head?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

It's a proven filtered shower head designed to remove those impurities, those impurities that make a pie delicious, but make your head horrible. Skin feels calmer. Hair feels soft, softer. It's like your shower is finally working for you instead of against you. And it's an easy upgrade. The Jolie shower head installs in minutes, fits all showers, and still delivers great water pressure. It's a simple way to elevate your daily routine without changing anything else. The Jolie shower head is the perfect base for your routine, because if your water isn't right, nothing else performs the way it should. It even looks great, too. Sleek, clean, gives your bathroom that luxury spa feel. So if you want to upgrade your skin, your hair, your whole shower experience, try Jolie risk free for 60 days by going to Jolie skinco.com flagrant. That's joleeskinco.com flagrant. Jolie is also available on Amazon. And now that your skin is looking absolutely amazing, you Know what else it can do? It can stretch further. I don't even know if you can go full boner without tearing it to seam. And if some of you are circumference, that seam is still present. Do you want to tear at that?

[Tom Segura]

Nope.

[Alex]

I mean, you ever have a baseball mitt, and after years of using it, the thumb just rips from the rest of the mitt? That's what could happen when you got cold, crisp skin. So once you get that nice and good and your skin is ready to stretch, then you're going to take blue chew gold, you're going to take bluechew gold, and you're going to the moon, my boys. You're going to be able to stuff your dickhead and your belly button. Well, doing a backwards handspring, it's gonna curve like a banana back into your belly button. That's the furthest distance. If you try to touch your toes. Yeah, maybe you can nustle that thing in there, but not if you're doing a back handspring.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Your dick is moving the complete other direction, but with Bluetooth gold. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You'll get it in there. You'll get it in lots of places.

[Tom Segura]

Places.

[Alex]

Okay. Bluetooth gold has some ingredients for things you don't care about. Your dick's gonna get hard in 15 minutes or less. That's what matters. Okay? You get home from the date, you pop the gold. You only got 15 minutes of just nonsense before it's time to go. Okay, you can go up. You can. You can. You can mukbang. Oh, you can mukbang if you want. I know you got 15 minutes of muck. That was a knowing chuckle for Miles over there. Miles has definitely done some mukbangs. Rubbed his dick against his mattress to get it hard.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Brooklyn bedding.

[Alex]

He rubbed his dick against that Brooklyn bedding. When I get the cold one, why'd I get the cold one? Yes. We've all been there, okay? Sometimes the smell of that thing might be stopping you from stopping that rocket from reaching the moon. So you gotta rub it against that mattress. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Give shower at clean.

[Alex]

First of all, you got to give her a jolie shower and clean that thing. Then it's time to mu. Can you mu. Point is blue chew gold, 15 minutes or less. Barely any muk time. You can tell a story about college if you wanted. Yeah. Sit it down. Be like, yo, one time, this crazy thing happened in college. Yeah. And then just keep on rambling about that until that 15 minutes is up. So are you. You go to bluetooth.com, use the promo code flagrant. When you get two months of Bluetooth Gold, you're gonna get a third one for free with the promo code flagrant. That's bluetooth.com promo code flagrant. For more details and important safety information, go there to bluetooth.com we thank BlueChew for sponsoring this part. Podcast.

[Tom Segura]

Speaking of bricks.

[Alex]

Yo, yo, don't do that. What? The Hogs don't do that.

[Tom Segura]

Speaking of the Hawks.

[Alex]

Nah, you talking crazy right now.

[Tom Segura]

The Atlanta Hawks, bro.

[Alex]

Nah, nah. Shout out my boy, Mel Bridges. Listen, I thought it was a good shot. I thought he had a good shot. I thought it was pretty good.

[Tom Segura]

He tried his best, and that's all he can ask for. He was the best on his team in high school.

[Alex]

What type of shot he took?

[Tom Segura]

Free throw.

[Alex]

Why is sneakers so red? Why you got the Atlanta Hawks sneakers? You got the Atlanta Hawks vans. Oh, no, no. I'm not a Hawks fan. I like Trey Young, but that's.

[Tom Segura]

That's the extent of it. Does he play for lunch?

[Alex]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Didn't this happen two years ago?

[Alex]

You are getting soft, T. You would never tolerate like this back in the day. He got a nice fit, so that's why he gets a pass today. He actually put it together really nice.

[Tom Segura]

Give him that.

[Alex]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not giving him.

[Tom Segura]

He's wearing the nighttime version of my fit. That's all it is.

[Alex]

See? Why you got to mess it up?

[Tom Segura]

What? You're biting my whole neck.

[Alex]

See this? I tried. I tried.

[Tom Segura]

So what happened with your Knicks, bro? What happened?

[Alex]

Yo, Knicks are taking it. Yeah. Knicks in five.

[Tom Segura]

Five.

[Alex]

That's it. And I don't want to hear anything about it. What's the odds we got right now? On couchy for Knicks in 5. 66 and going down. Down. Damn.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Alex]

There's a million dollars in volume put on this right now. Nixon 5. I'm be honest with you. That's easy. If I'm being completely honest with you, I'm going. I'm probably going. Nick and six. Come on. I want to have delusional confidence, but it's eroded, you know, after years of torments. Okay? So I'm going to be Safe and go. Nixon 6. What do we had? Nixon 6.

[Tom Segura]

This is just the whole.

[Alex]

Is that your tummy? That just did that sound. Yo, yo. What? That was insane. I thought your cell phone was buzzing. Did you pick that up? I got a call from my range. I was like, yo, the subway was coming through. I never Heard nobody's stomach. What was that? That was the first time I ever heard anyone's stomach besides my wife with the children. I'm being dead serious. I always thought. But hearing your stomach is. Only you could do it.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Alex]

Anyone can do it. Nah. That's how you know Mark's fasting again. Are you back to fasting?

[Tom Segura]

I had three eggs this morning.

[Alex]

Yeah, I don't know what's going on. How'd you have them done?

[Tom Segura]

Scrambled. I always go scrambled with a little butter mixed in cottage cheese.

[Alex]

You ever do that? Beside the point. I don't know what's going on. Yo, chill out. Nick's and six. What we at?

[Tom Segura]

It's the same. It's.

[Alex]

This is 65%.

[Tom Segura]

This is just that they win.

[Alex]

Oh, it's just they win.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Series. Oh, well. Well, Nick's definitely winning. That's.

[Tom Segura]

Did it just go down while we were talking about it?

[Alex]

Yeah. Cuz, you. You got the. The Oracle in here. Something happened, bro. I've never heard of. My wish, dude. No. I would do that. I'm worried about what's going to come out.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you'll see.

[Alex]

That sound going to come out of your mouth of your ass. That sound doesn't stay. Yeah. I don't know what that was. It's got to be some sort of like cancer.

[Tom Segura]

Must be. Yeah, my biological ages went up a little bit from that. Every rumble it goes up.

[Alex]

That was the loudest stomach I've ever heard.

[Tom Segura]

Can we see what the magic odds are? I see. I bet you the Magic got it. I bet you the Magic are gonna win the whole series.

[Alex]

Man.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go. Magic in versus Detroit.

[Alex]

Let's go.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Alex]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it's a minor step back from major comeback. Orlando's leading one nothing.

[Alex]

Damn. That's all I'm saying, bro. Yo, they won and they still. What was it before the game?

[Tom Segura]

Zero.

[Alex]

That's great. What the hell? $650,000 worth of volume. Little broke ass cities. Tell them put their money up. Tell them put their money up. You put money up on broke ass city. How much are y' all putting on the Knicks yellow. Some up. How much? I put. I put it up. Did you guys just hear my tummy? Well, should we connect? Right? I don't think that my stomach sound goes out to everyone. Did you hear my tummy? I got two kids. Yeah, you got a tummy, you little child. I just farted and that. I. I literally heard it here and then it came out. It went all the way through. Guys. I don't think you can hear my stomach sound.

[Tom Segura]

I heard a little.

[Alex]

Have you. Has anybody ever heard your stomach? Nah. Really? No. Nixon 6. But in all serious. Nixon 6. Al, in all seriousness. 6. Okay. Shout out you and your stomach.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Alex]

We know what's in there.

[Tom Segura]

Nixon's.

[Alex]

Your stomach's got so many. It looks like the chair from Game of Thrones but made out of dicks in your stomach.

[Tom Segura]

Game of Bones.

[Alex]

There you go. Yeah, that's what it looks like. Got so many relics of dicks in there, we all shoot

[Tom Segura]

you.

[Alex]

All right, let's get back to the show. Chronic migraine is 15 or more headache days a month each lasting four hours or more.

[Tom Segura]

Botox.

[Alex]

Onobotulinum toxin a prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine before they start. It's not for those with 14 or fewer headache days a month. It prevents on average eight to nine headache days a month versus six to seven for placebo. Prescription Botox is injected by your doctor. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Alert your doctor right away as difficulty swallowing, speaking, breathing, eye problems or muscle weakness can be signs of a life threatening condition. Patients with these conditions before injection are at highest risk. Side effects may include allergic reactions, neck and injection site pain, fatigue and headache. Allergic reactions can include rash, welts, asthma symptoms and dizziness. Don't receive Botox if there's a skin infection. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions including als, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia, gravity, Travis or Lambert Eaton syndrome, and medications including botulinum toxins as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor. Visit botoxchronicmigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more.

[Tom Segura]

I'm all about like cheering and like booing and that call sucks. But like when you start like yelling crazy to somebody. Yeah. Personal stuff, you're like, yeah, doing, man.

[Alex]

My, my favorite thing to do is just, is butter up the refs.

[Tom Segura]

You talk to the refs?

[Alex]

Oh, all day.

[Tom Segura]

That's a great call.

[Alex]

They got numbers. And I, but I'm, I'm like, yo, fantastic call, ref. And I butter them up. Look at this American boy. Beautiful stripes.

[Tom Segura]

Do they give you a look?

[Alex]

Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah. Like, you know, that was a charge.

[Tom Segura]

That was a good charge.

[Alex]

That was, it was. And not a lot of guys saw it. Those other two guys didn't see it. You're seeing everything. I lean, I go harder. He's feel himself. Yeah it's okay. You can miss one. Everybody misses one. But I butter up hard. Like that's how I feel. Like I'm helping the Knicks. Yeah, yeah, I saw that.

[Tom Segura]

That. Cuz. Nobody is more entertaining than Garnett in this post playing world. Like his storytelling, everything is just unbelievable. But he was doing. He was. It was a montage about. He was saying what the old refs were like. I don't know if you've seen it. It's unbelievable.

[Alex]

Get it. I'm.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, he's talking about how today's refs versus the. He said like, he's like, those refs would be like you. And like he. He would. They would like literally call the players out. Call them names.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like just. He's like. It's a completely different world. But like in his style and story, I mean, he's so entertaining.

[Alex]

He, him and Paul Pierce, it's.

[Tom Segura]

The dynamic is just.

[Alex]

They kind of are podcasters.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, they have this like, they're way too famous to be talking and sharing the opinions.

[Tom Segura]

You saw his JR writer MJ story? No. Kevin Garnett.

[Alex]

Oh, my God. God.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, that is about when he talked to mj.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I have seen. I've heard different version of this, which some of this could be complete fabrication,

[Tom Segura]

but that story, it lines up with the video like. Like everything about that story is. You see it, you see that? He says something.

[Alex]

Get that one up as well. Wait, should we watch that one or this? Do the old school rest one first and then look up the other one while you get that. So this is Kevin going to talk about J. Ren, but play this one, man. Old school referees talk crazy to you, dude. They used to talk to guys like they could fight. Like Mike Mat would be like, hey, it ain't a foul. And I said, you know what, man? It's a foul. Keep talking that you want to play tonight. Like, you be like, oh, like straight up, man. Steve Job will look at you and be like, I wish you would look at me.

[Tom Segura]

Gary Pay.

[Alex]

What you looking at? I'm looking at you. And then the real cats in the lead, like Charles Barkley, Karl Malone, Gary Payne, Michael Jordan. Jordan. They used to talk crazy. Back to these. Yeah, I'm looking at you. What you looking at? I'm looking at you. I'm like, damn, Javy, you. You good? Yeah, I'm good. I throw that out, turn into some real. Got real out here. Here.

[Tom Segura]

Plus, it's a. It's a different world.

[Alex]

Wow. I think there's too Many cameras now. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You pick up everything.

[Alex]

You could pick up everything they have

[Tom Segura]

to do all the time.

[Alex]

We're back in the day.

[Tom Segura]

I don't.

[Alex]

I don't remember a single, like, lip reading video.

[Tom Segura]

It never came up. Yeah. Nobody ever brought that up. Yeah.

[Alex]

You almost kind of. You want a little bit of the anonymity. Yeah. You want a little bit of the mystery. Like maybe we don't need all these cameras.

[Tom Segura]

Cameras are.

[Alex]

It's it up because you want them to act in a way where they. They're not being observed.

[Tom Segura]

And they're all mic'd up too. So it's like cameras and mics. Yeah.

[Alex]

And this.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if. If this just to give. What if it's not set up correctly. Give me. It's garbage. Garnett is on the Timberwolves.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And JR Rider is too Garn. Mike has like a.

[Alex]

Like a.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, let's say okay game or third quarter. Yeah. And Garnett says to him, I guess. I guess it ain't like it ain't dropping today. Mike, like, yeah, Junior, keep doing your. Like, keep. Keep on them. And there, there's like a break and act like a timeout. And JR's like, shut the up.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, shut up.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you don't do that. And even J.R. goes over to Mike, he's like, hey, man, he was. He's a rookie, man.

[Alex]

You don't know.

[Tom Segura]

You don't know.

[Alex]

You don't know him.

[Tom Segura]

And. But like, I just don't know how much of a setup is in this Jay story.

[Alex]

We in Chicago, you know, it's my rookie year. Junior is having a good game. So as we come out to timeout, just.

[Tom Segura]

I was just like, yo, keep. Yo, keep killing that. Yo, killing that right here.

[Alex]

Mike can hear me stare at me for about 15 seconds. So now MJ on the back, like, leg joint. You know, I can't even really describe the next, like six to seven minutes of play.

[Tom Segura]

Y.

[Alex]

We get two, not one, two, ten second calls. We down 25. Now it was just at two. Mike had 18, he had like 40. Junior, myself, we ain't scored in like about four minutes. And I subbed like three of the starters. I was like, jim, the school man, I told you to shut yourself. There's also a little backstory here because with Junior Ryder was coming in the league, there was talks about him being like, the next.

[Tom Segura]

The next. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

And MJ don't like that.

[Tom Segura]

He didn't like any of that.

[Alex]

Ain't no. Next mj.

[Tom Segura]

No. What happens? You're a writer.

[Alex]

What happened to all the next MJ's, man? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he had a good kid, a good career.

[Alex]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he had a good career, but, yeah. No, no one's the next mj. Damn. Okay, can you tell us a Tate story? Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

So.

[Tom Segura]

So the way. It's like the same. We were looking at those Sam's Taylor videos.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Of. What is it? Roshan, I think is his name. We. Tate. The way that Tate actually first became a thing was like these clips where he was sort of misogynistic and rude, but it felt very performative, you know, like he was a character. Yeah. And you could see it. He was like, when a woman, like, brings me coffee in the morning, she should bring me two cups of coffee. Like, if one isn't warm enough for, like, if I finish it, I want my second one there. And we were like, this is fucking ridiculous. You know when they say, like, do you want still or sparkling water? I always drink sparkling water. Still water is for poor people. So we would play this and like, comment the same way we comment on the Taylor clips. You know, I remember he had one, he was like, something about paying. And he was like, yeah, I always bring out my card because it never gets denied. And then people were like, you mean overdraft protection? We would just kind of roast him and play this very silly thing that I was like, yeah, this guy's saying this thing that has like his. An angle to it, but this feels like shtick. Deliberate. Yeah. There's a performative aspect to it. So somehow, some way. I don't remember, like, the thing. It was like he was coming to the stage states and he was like, agreed to come on. I was like, that guy, dude, that's amazing. So we came on and he was an A level guest. Yeah, Yeah.

[Alex]

I remember the. I remember even Christina being kind of charmed by it. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

If we were like. I remember at one point he was. Because he was saying all this stuff. He was like, insane, dude. This one, one thing he said, people were like, wouldn't you get bored of a woman that just does everything you say? Like, he asked. He was a rhetorical question. He was like, I'm like, bitch, of course I'm not gonna get. I had a coffee, but I spit my coffee.

[Alex]

Every mistake.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And she was laughing hysterically. And we left there. First of all, he was like, such a gentleman, sweetheart.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, oh, like, you're a smart guy and this is your Thing you're

[Alex]

also looking at through comedian lenses where we've seen archetypes like this pass through a thousand people. And it's like, okay, another Internet personality. And there's a little shtick there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And, and, and you, and you actually go like, I've seen this archetype and this is a very refined version of this because he actually would dance between exaggeration and like pure, like well formed lies. Yeah. Very philosophical, very articulate.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We're like, this guy's a great guest of several months later.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Whereas, like his name and everything starts like getting bigger and people are saying all these things about, you make him a star. I make him a star. It's my birthday and I'm doing this, this show in Chicago and it's on my birthday. And I did not know that they had put together a montage of people saying happy. So I finished my show, they wheel out a cake and they have the screen and it's just like comedians, it's just like, know, Bert and Sebastian and Joe, like everyone being like, happy birthday. Happy birthday. It just cuts to him and he's saying, happy birthday. And it's the day after he's accused of like trafficking. Right. And I'm, I'm again drinking, I think I'm drinking like a beer and I'm like. And I'm like, guys, like, he's, he's wanted. And then, and everybody after them was like, yes, you put him on, you platformed them. And I was like, yeah, we had him on as like a entertaining guest, you know, and he was super nice. He was very funny on the pod.

[Alex]

Sometimes it goes wrong when you have entertaining guests on the pod.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I mean, we would know nothing about that at all.

[Tom Segura]

But no, you've never had somebody come on that something happened later. Has he reached out to you? Has he like, have you talked to him at all? He emailed. We emailed a couple times. Times he was like doing, he was like, I'm coming to do another American tour or whatever. It was well after. But that just. I don't think he ever came or anything. It was, but it was a perfectly polite experience. Yeah, it's totally normal. Yeah, it was, it was crazy.

[Alex]

Was there anybody that you saw that you were like, this guy's so entertaining, but I don't know, something's weird and

[Tom Segura]

then all the time. Well, I mean, just like a lot of times. Huh?

[Alex]

Gb?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Gb there's, well, there's just times where you go, because you, you learn this thing of like, I'LL play a video of somebody.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you go, like, should I have this person in studio? You know, like, even the ones that you go, how? Just like, is this person stable?

[Alex]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

You know, that's like. We had this one guy who was. He always. He had. He was just like, you know, sucking on your friend's nipples isn't gay. It's what the Spartans used to do. And we're like, what? And. And he had, like, all these just crazy things, like, you should cup your friend's balls. Like, that's how. That's actually the straightest thing you can do. Like, all these types of things were like, what? So we were like, should we have men? We had him in. He was like, can I. Could I just be nude during this interview? And I was like, no, no. I was like, there's women here. Like, the can't. No. So he did it in his underwear. You know, like one of those things. But then you kind of go. You're talking to him. You're like, this is perfectly nice guy.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, he's a little out there. But some of them, you go like, I don't know if this is, like, an unhinged person. So you start to develop a sense of, like. Yeah. Who can fall apart, like, in the dm. Like, you respond to a funny video, and some guy hits you up, like, angry, or he's, like, pissed. He wants money. Money, like, all the time. Really? Yeah. How do you deal with that? I mean, I've just had. There's the one thing is, like. Because, I don't know, like, we just play these clips, and it's like, someone's like, you played my clip. I made that clip. And you're like, all right.

[Alex]

It's a weird thing because you're reacting to the Internet, and we do it here, too, because it's just a fascinating thing on the Internet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then some of these people on the Internet are absolutely batshit crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Crazy.

[Alex]

You.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're crazy. Yeah, they're crazy. And. And I. I think most of the time you ignore. Yeah. I mean, some people have gone so far as to, like, send documents, you know, wanting something, and I'm just, cease and desist. And I'm like, whatever, dude. I'll give the document to my lawyer. Go ahead, deal with him. Like, I mean, I'm not. You know, they make their case of, like, why we shouldn't play. I'm like, we won't play it again. You're not that fascinating, dude. Like, with a fucking funny clip. You know? Yeah. But most of the time people are, usually people are excited, right? They go, you played me, you know. Yeah. Clip.

[Alex]

And it probably makes their whole life, right.

[Tom Segura]

Like some, like small creator all of a sudden gets to go on a huge show. Like, I think they get. Yeah. Most of them see the upside to it of like, oh, you widened my fan base, you know, you got more eyeballs on me.

[Alex]

Yeah. Stretched out this moment, you know.

[Tom Segura]

I want to ask you, you. I, I. Because every time I go on tour, I feel like I learn from the last tour. Tour.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I want to compress, reduce what I do. You don't do a crazy amount of dates, right?

[Alex]

It depends. Like, I, I don't do like the long stretch. So I do like a weekend warrior thing, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but do you, you don't extend that like forever.

[Alex]

I did the last one probably.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Alex]

We did like two years maybe.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you did?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But it was Thursday to Sunday, kind of Friday, Saturday, Friday, Saturday only. Maybe even that is like pretty. Yeah, that's better for life.

[Alex]

That's the thing. Like, I just had a kid and like my wife got pregnant again, so we just had another one and it was like. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it's. I wanted to, I wanted to be home as much as possible.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Alex]

You know, but also like, get out there and do it. But that's the tricky. That's the balance.

[Tom Segura]

And did you road dog it a lot in the early days or all the time? You did?

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because I didn't know if you were just like New York, New York every.

[Alex]

No, Like, I pretty early started getting out on the road.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you did?

[Alex]

Yeah, I was out on the road pretty early, opening for people. I never got that experience. Experience what? I never got that opportunity. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Yeah. So like, I kind of just kind of went out, I got some mtv, you know, luck, and then did some shows there. And then like, I would do the weekends, I would do the club weekends.

[Tom Segura]

You're headlining.

[Alex]

Headlining? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Out of the gate.

[Alex]

Not out of the gate. I mean, years in, I developed an hour, did like the shitty, you know, one nighter type of things. And then once I got into the. Once I got to be able to do the clubs where they could kind of paper the room.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, I was on tv, tv and I couldn't really draw, but it was enough where you could paper it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I know what you mean.

[Alex]

Paper to room for anybody watching is basically like the club will give out free tickets and like, basically they sell

[Tom Segura]

drinks and they're like, this wasn't you.

[Alex]

But like, maybe you get to a point where, like, there's a little of you.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. Yeah.

[Alex]

And I remember doing that. And then I remember once I started putting out some standup, I was able to, like, fill the rooms now. And then I did another round where I filled them and they were paying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then I think I did another round where they were paying, but I was still on, like, the shitty door de. Not door deal. The shitty, like, guarantee.

[Tom Segura]

Guarantee you get a $200 bonus. You sold it out, right? Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. You sell out. Yeah. I remember there was clubs that would give me more than the bonus sometimes. And I was so stoked.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, what?

[Alex]

I get more than the bonus? And it was like, they felt so bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That I was getting 1500 bucks a weekend or 2000 bucks a weekend. And it was like, sold out shows.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

They're like, we got to give them something, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I would. I would muscle them for more.

[Alex]

Tell me.

[Tom Segura]

I would go into that thing. And I was like, I sold this out. And they're like, I know, but your deal is this. And I was like, do you want me to come back here?

[Alex]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, yeah. I'm like, you know what to do,

[Alex]

man, that is ballsy. I was. I was always so, like, grateful to have the weekend. And it wasn't until, like, the second time around where I sold them out, where I was like, let's do a door deal. And that guy. Aggressive.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Then I was like, hey, if we're bringing it all in, there's a guy

[Tom Segura]

who even gave me. He goes, this is what? So, like, there's. It's all. It's a process.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, set. Like, when it was clear that I was selling them out.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This guy was like, I'll offer you X amount, which was a good amount of money guaranteed. And I was like, I don't want the guarantee. I want the door.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was like, but this guarantee is awesome. I go, yeah, it's not as much as the door. Yeah. And he was like, right. But the guarantees. And I was like, what are we. What are we missing here? I'm telling you, I want the fucking deal.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Of the door.

[Alex]

I think I can get those people in.

[Tom Segura]

And he's just like, this is crazy. I was like, no, it's not.

[Alex]

And then eventually, early, you're asking for.

[Tom Segura]

Well, once, like, I. I just understood the business so well, so early. I knew exactly how things work.

[Alex]

But was that not how comics were doing it back in the day, were they just taking guarantee guarantees?

[Tom Segura]

Well, it really depended on the power of your draw. So like there was people who like, there's. I don't want to tell anyone's business, but there's comics who are pretty good draws that don't want to have to worry about. Yeah. The degree of it. So they'll just go, I'll take, I want the guarantee. But I can just, I don't have to think about it. You do the work and once you're selling tickets, you kind of just figure out what works. If you're like, I know, know, like with almost certainty. I know this is going to sell.

[Alex]

Let's take the door.

[Tom Segura]

Percentage deals are just better.

[Alex]

Yeah, they're just better.

[Tom Segura]

So I would just like be like, no, I want that dude. I know it's better.

[Alex]

I had to like push an agent of mine back in the day for it.

[Tom Segura]

Same.

[Alex]

Yeah. And he was an amazing agent. Love him. And like, he was actually. Yeah, he was great. And. But part of what made him so great was that he had these amazing relationships with the clubs.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

So he could get a no name comedian into a club.

[Tom Segura]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Alex]

Yeah. But the problem is like when you get to a point where you're like, okay, like I've gone two times in the club and they've made tons of money and we, we drew. I think it's time that. Yeah, you know, now I, I get whatever my fair share is here. And it took me kind of like muscling him.

[Tom Segura]

It does, it does the club try to be sneaky? I had a friend just recently, you know him, that had a, a sellout bonus structure and it was a substantial bonus. And he gets to the payout and like they're doing the settle up and they're like, yeah, you were two tickets short. Yeah, that's. And he was like, 2T said it was sold out. They said, buy those tickets right before, you know, two people refunded their tickets like at minutes before the show. And he was like, this is insane.

[Alex]

And he had to call his agent

[Tom Segura]

up to be like, what are you guys doing? What are you doing? But stiffing him out of like a substantial amount of money for like a young comic. I had a, I had a guy who goes, he, he owned the club. He was a knucklehead. He was a. But sweetheart. But he was a total mess.

[Alex]

Can you give me a state?

[Tom Segura]

And he's like, he goes, hey, I, we. I had 100% door deal it was 100% of the door. Yeah. He was like, great weekend. This is at the end of the week. He's like, it's great weekend. He goes, can you guess how much you made? And I go, no, I could tell you what I made. He's like, what do you mean? I go, well, there's no guessing.

[Alex]

Yeah, I know how many seats there are.

[Tom Segura]

I go, the seats multiplied by the ticket sale, it's this. And he goes, pretty close. And I was like, it's not. Not close. It's exact. And he goes, really? I go, yeah, man, I just did what I just told you. And he goes, hold on a second. He's like, let me get Donna in here.

[Alex]

Donna.

[Tom Segura]

And he goes. He's saying, it's this. Yeah, but I think it's this. Which. His number was less. And she was like, it's his number. And he was like, well, God damn. I was like, yeah, man. I mean, it's not a guess.

[Alex]

I mean, you heard the stories back in the day where, like, your opener would take a counter.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

And they would. They would. While you're on stage, count each person that was in the club. Because the rumor has it that some clubs would say that it sat.

[Tom Segura]

That was a big thing.

[Alex]

But it sat 340.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And then that was.

[Tom Segura]

I remember when I was out with Charlie Murphy, he had. He had his cousin with him. Click, click, click, click, click. Charlie. Charlie took me to dinner one time. I'll never forget. This is the funniest sentence anyone's ever said to me. He goes, you think. You think Oscar De La Hoya could whoop your ass? And I was like, what? I was like, oscar De La Hoya?

[Alex]

I go, fuck, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Of course. He's a world class boxer. And he was like, keith Sweat thinks he could whoop AKA De La Hoya's ass.

[Alex]

What?

[Tom Segura]

I was like, why? He goes, because he thinks he's too pretty. I was like, keith Sweat would not know it started. It'd be the fucking craziest knockout of his life.

[Alex]

He's like.

[Tom Segura]

He's like. He's. He swears that he could kick Oscar.

[Alex]

Oscar is a dog, man. I don't care what he wore. I don't care what his shenanigans were. That was a dog.

[Tom Segura]

When you see in person a pro boxer just hit mitts.

[Alex]

Oh, it's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

There's a whole other thing, man. Alex has said this exact thing 10

[Alex]

times on this podcast. Yeah. Alex doesn't think white guys can beat him up.

[Tom Segura]

White guys.

[Alex]

He doesn't think white guys can beat him up.

[Tom Segura]

McGregor.

[Alex]

No, not fighters.

[Tom Segura]

Regular white guys.

[Alex]

Regular white guys.

[Tom Segura]

All of them.

[Alex]

I can take all you guys. Probably Z.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Alex]

Probably. Maybe. You look like you're in shape.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, we did this? I did.

[Alex]

Okay. I can barely run two and a half miles. But he needs a train to run two and a half miles.

[Tom Segura]

I'm. First of all, I'm mostly with you. I mean, you know, there's got. There's these sleeper white guys that are savage. Yeah.

[Alex]

The game has changed now with, like, Jiu jitsu.

[Tom Segura]

Jake Paul, he said he could take

[Alex]

J. Paul, but even that was a while ago now. Is he less weight now? Did he get a little black? He's been actually taking the sport seriously then when they first started. Come on.

[Tom Segura]

No way. But there's also, like, this, like, not even trains. You're just, like, in some town, and you know what I mean? Like, big old Greg just walks in. You're like, this guy will put someone's head. Drunk guy with caulflower ears. I'm leaving the crazy around anymore.

[Alex]

Sweat. Confidence.

[Tom Segura]

But I'm with you, dude. I'm with you. For most of it. Yeah.

[Alex]

For most of it. Yeah. Have you. Have you been in a couple fights?

[Tom Segura]

No. I mean, one. There was one college bar fight, but that was. I don't really. That wasn't like. What happened? You square? It was chaos. Just everybody swinging. It was a melee. Yeah. And the thing that is one of those things where I was. I just lucked out that the guy I was with, he. He had his footsteps on by this one other guy. And he was like, hey, man, like, you stepped on my foot, you know? So it was kind of like, all right, my bad. And the guy did it again, but the second time was definitely on purpose. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the guy was a big dude. Like, he was 6 5, probably 260. He's big. And he grabbed the guy and he just was like. And you can see like a. Huh. Like, that guy's whole face. And that guy had a couple guys. Guys with them. So as they start swinging, we're in this booth, we get up. But I didn't even know that. I was at this small college that, like, the whole offensive defensive line was hanging out back here behind. I didn't know they were in this part of the bar. So as we grab this guy, they come. I mean, this is all like, D. Two big fox boys and they come, and then it's just melee. Melee. But it was like, now it's like 15 on three. Yeah. And then those bouncers were like, just everybody let them go. Just everybody. Yeah. But that was like. I didn't get into, like, a lot of fights.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I got jumped in fifth grade. Damn. That was. This sucked. What'd they get? It was. It was just like. No, just like, at school, I was. I was. I moved a lot, so I went to a lot of different schools. I'm just walking in the parking lot, like, going to recess or something, and these three kids just come around the corner, just like, knee punch, pop, pop. Just, like, leave you on the ground. I was like, you know, just left for dead. And the worst part is, like, it's fifth grade.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So they have, like, the teachers have to tell the parents. And then my parents were like. Yeah, we talked to his parents. I was like, ah, fuck. And like, what? Now? They're like, well, we. We talked. We think you guys should hang out. What? Yeah. Yeah. They're like, you know, like, make amend. Like, I was like, I don't want to hang out with the dude.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Need me in the stomach.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I just. Just go. Go to his place and just sit there. Yeah. And just sit. And like, his parents. I remember his parents both smoked, and the place was, like, full of smoke.

[Alex]

You started to understand why he was so angry. Yeah, he felt bad for him.

[Tom Segura]

I kind of did.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then I was just like, all right, good hangman.

[Alex]

I'll see you tomorrow.

[Tom Segura]

But that. That was, like, the extent. It wasn't like, a violent upbringing. Damn. Yeah. Were you and that kid cool after that? Yeah, we actually were, actually. Yeah, it kind of did work.

[Alex]

Yeah. He sold me some gb.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Tell me about the. Because I know that we probably have limited time here. Tell me about this show. This. You have a second season of the show coming out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Bad thoughts. Yes.

[Alex]

I don't understand how you're able to do all these things and manage all these things, first of all. But, like, the second season, how many episodes are we at?

[Tom Segura]

We're at six episodes.

[Alex]

Okay, six episodes.

[Tom Segura]

17 sketches or stories, whatever. Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, so they're. Okay. So you're going to put multiple within the episode.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So every episode usually has three. Got it in them.

[Alex]

And these are. These are like vignettes, sketches. But they're shot not like a sketch. It's shot like, each one is its own movie.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. Right. Right. Yeah. So I. I did a pilot. I. I did the pilot of this.

[Alex]

You funded it yourself?

[Tom Segura]

Myself, several years ago. The idea was, once we had filmed a few of them, we Were like, oh, this is like a show. And I had only used. I have a pay per view platform that we kind of developed during the pandemic where you could sell tickets for like special ticketed. Yeah. We would do like live podcasts. It was just a way to like try to do a podcast that was elevated.

[Alex]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

I remember that had like. Yeah, that had like a little more to it. And also no rules, no restrictions. So when we did those, we would film sketches to be part of that live experience. And we sold a bunch of tickets doing that. So we learned like, oh, there's a. There is a market for that. And so then what happened was I was like, you know, we've never done like a. Just like an entertainment based narrative thing. I want wonder if we did that and put it on there if people would buy tickets. Because if they would, it would inform us to the point like, maybe you can make like a movie.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And put it on. That was like the concept. But when I had that pilot, I showed it to my. They're like, what have you been? I go, I, you know, made this. They were like, you have to shop this. You absolutely have to shop this. And so it was like weighing. Do I try to ticket it? Because that's what I was planning on.

[Alex]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Or shopping. Well, basically the first place we took it to was had a relationship there. We showed it to them first and they bought it. So that's what led to it being a series. And then the first one came out last year in May and the season two we just. We're delivering now. It airs in May also. But it's all new, like characters, all new stories. But that one of the big emphasis of the show is that like I like sketches. But one of the things. Things I always didn't like is how they look. So I was like, I want these to feel more like short films, you know.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And so we like our dp. Nico Wiesnet is like a brilliant guy. And every single one of them has like a very distinct look and looks very cinematic. Some of them look just absolutely stunning. But that's deliberate. It's like, it's fun to. I think it's funny to take like a premise that's ridiculous. Ridiculous. But shoot it beautifully.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, so that's kind of like. I think it's one of like the characters of the show. Yeah. Is having that be throughout.

[Alex]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's. Yeah, that's really interesting. I guess that is. I'm trying to think of like sketch where they've done that where it like feels very elevated and real.

[Tom Segura]

Like the early Key and Peele stuff for what it was kind of seeing it on YouTube in like 2010.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, oh, this is a TV show, but it's for free on YouTube. Then I feel like if you went back, maybe like Monty Python was probably shot on film. Right, right.

[Alex]

100%.

[Tom Segura]

And then some of the SNL. What's it called? Like their.

[Alex]

Yes. Yeah. Digital shorts.

[Tom Segura]

The digital shorts will sometimes have like a real look to them. I always like those.

[Alex]

I think it helps the comedy.

[Tom Segura]

I think so too.

[Alex]

Because if. If you're not presenting something as fake, immediately I can get lost in the

[Tom Segura]

reality because sometimes it just feels so flat. Yes.

[Alex]

100%. Here's one set and everything's operating right here. And it has that like a multi. Multi cam look. Yeah. Whereas like. Yeah. If you get people lost in a world.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The formula for us, I feel like, is like, make it really cinematic. Also play everything like it's. Yeah, this is Shakespeare or whatever. Like, this is really serious stuff. And then make it absurd.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And push it. Yeah.

[Alex]

Are there any this season that. Can you give us any of the premises?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Alex]

This comes out of May, by the way, on Netflix. But.

[Tom Segura]

Well, one of them tease.

[Alex]

A fun.

[Tom Segura]

One of them is that I. I'm a middle aged dad that drops off his daughter at college and then I decide to go to college and I'm really intrigued by the black fraternity. That one's very fun. Um, there's. There's one where I'm an. I'm a 19 year old girl and I get back from my semester abroad with very suggestive tattoos.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Some of which you could say are extremely offensive.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I rationalize them. Okay.

[Alex]

Where are you abroad?

[Tom Segura]

I was in Paris.

[Alex]

Got it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Alex]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Um, trying to think without the. Oh, there's one where I'm at a fertility clinic.

[Alex]

Nice. Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And while I'm making the deposit, I get a FaceTime call from a family member and I feel like the call pollutes the deposit, so then I fight to get it back. There's all types of things like that.

[Alex]

Yeah. It's not exactly incest, but you can't be thinking about your family.

[Tom Segura]

And the nurse tries to explain to me that that's not how it works. And I'm like, I think it is. It is. Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Can you share any that you had to cut?

[Alex]

Were there any that were so close

[Tom Segura]

and you're like, we just can't do it. Well, the Whole process is, like, you start, obviously, and you build out in the room, in the writer's room. You end up with, like, 50, and you realize, like, we're doing six episodes and you got to have at most 18. So you end up cutting so many like you. And ones that you're Are. You're on the. The fence about constantly. I'm trying to think. My brain is so rattled from. From being so in post with this.

[Alex]

They.

[Tom Segura]

Our post schedule is wild.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Last year, we shot in October and delivered in May. This year we shot in February. We deliver in May.

[Alex]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

So, like, all I've been is just thinking, thinking about what we're doing. And there's, you know, there's the notes and the edits and the music. And thankfully, like, that really is managed by, like, Jeremy Connor, Rami Hishash, Tyler Cornack. And I just weigh in. But those guys are in it. They know what it is.

[Alex]

They know the tone of the show.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. And they're in. They're in the Bay every. They're in there every day.

[Alex]

Yeah. Editing is grueling, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I flew out a couple times to get in the Bay, and, like, I get.

[Alex]

They're in LA right now.

[Tom Segura]

They're in la. I get links to, like, watch and then comment on them. But there's no. There's no substitute for being there, because when you're in there, you literally watch it and you. Your thought.

[Alex]

You're like, didn't we do this take?

[Tom Segura]

What? And then they literally pull it up like, oh, here it is, dude.

[Alex]

The way that they organize footage now is, like, unbelievable. I was talking this to a couple guys on the movie that I was doing, and it's like we were doing reshoots, and I was like, how is like, what did you guys do when it was just actual footage? Yeah. And so, like, Tarantino shot, like, Once upon a time in Hollywood, I think, on actual, like, 30. Is it called 39 millimeter, 36, 35 millimeter. So I go, so what are they doing? They're taping things together. And he goes, well, what they do is they have digital versions of that footage. They do all the edits on the digital versions, and then they match it to the tape.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't know that.

[Alex]

Otherwise you're cutting. Like, that's how they made movies back in. They had spools of tape, splice, organize them per scene, and then are cutting and patching together. So how many times. Realistic. Like the movies that we saw back in the day on tape, that wasn't the best take of every scene.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely not.

[Alex]

It might have been the only take one. It might have been the only tape because the tape was expensive. But also, you're like, am I really going to cut this? Insert another thing, tape it together, watch it? No, give me back that other one. Like, how much is on the cutting room floor from back in the day?

[Tom Segura]

Literally, that's so much.

[Alex]

Do you.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever hear, by the way, how Eastwood shoots Take, my boy, one take.

[Alex]

And if you try to push back, he's like, do you want to go home?

[Tom Segura]

Or he's like a ref. And then he doesn't say, action, you know?

[Alex]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He says, whenever you're ready, go. Because when he came up in those westerns, action would scare the horses. Wow. Right. So he never. Because it would startle them. So he's like, whenever you're ready. And you just do it. Cut, Print. Let's go. And like, can I.

[Alex]

No, you can't.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Alex]

I saw there was a guy. I'm forgetting his name. Really funny character actor. I think he had, like, some wrestling background, too. It's kind of like bigger guy.

[Tom Segura]

Hull Houser. Yes.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I'm pretty sure that's it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Yeah. He's hilarious, but he's also an amazing actor.

[Tom Segura]

Amazing.

[Alex]

And he was talking about how he did a movie with Clint where he was the lead, and basically he was. People said he was the only guy that got to do more takes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I think he had told Clint, hey, I'm not used to doing this. There might be some times where, like, I need to find it a little bit. Do you mind? And then Clint was like, yeah, sure.

[Tom Segura]

Crazy.

[Alex]

Matt Damon said, yeah. Like, you get two takes and this is it.

[Tom Segura]

That's it. Yeah. And I'm. I'm working on a South African accent dial in for six months. Can I get another? No, that's it. We don't waste your fucking time. I'm 90. Let's go.

[Alex]

It is like, once you've been on any set, the idea of.

[Tom Segura]

Do you like it?

[Alex]

Being on set?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Sitting around all day.

[Tom Segura]

No, but the actual acting itself.

[Alex]

Acting is fun. What I like is building the scene. So I like. If we have a scene, I'm like, you're with the director and you're with the actors. Like, I want to know what the director wants from the scene and what his vision is for the funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Because it could be completely different than why. What I'm trying to have to it. And then I want to be able to pitch some stuff and, like, have it kind of like I'm. Whenever we're doing run throughs, if we get the opportunity, I'm throwing things out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

I'm kind of like feeling things out and if it sticks, then we go. That part. Even if I'm not in a scene and I'm kind of watching it and be like, oh, what if this happened? I like that part of it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Sitting around all day, coming in, doing one line and like, fun. The other actor isn't even there for your coverage. Not fun at all.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no.

[Alex]

Making something fun.

[Tom Segura]

Very fun. I agree.

[Alex]

Feels kind of like joke writing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Oh, what if I set him up for this and it's. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That.

[Alex]

That, to me is cool.

[Tom Segura]

Is cool.

[Alex]

The whole script. Like, there's no character arc here. What if we put this here and that type of stuff is exciting.

[Tom Segura]

I think so too. Yeah.

[Alex]

Why? What about you? You like the acting?

[Tom Segura]

I love it. I love it. And I. And I love, you know, stand up. Such a singular solo kind of end endeavor. The idea that, like, we're all trying to make this work together, especially if you have a good team, that, that collaborative feel, the idea of, like, what would make. And also when you go, there's this time too, where sometimes you're like, all right, this is what it is. Like, this is the scene and somebody suggests something and you realize that it elevates everything. That's very exciting. Fun thing to be a part of,

[Alex]

like finding what the funny in the scene is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And to me, in my experience, it's not. Doesn't happen on the day when you press record. It's before it's like, oh, what are we trying to get out of these? Like, what is the tension in this? What are we trying to do? And where does this go? And I will be honest. When we did the movie and we did Street Fighter in Australia, because it's like, impossible to film anything in America, especially la. It's just so fucking expensive.

[Tom Segura]

Yes,

[Alex]

there is something. And I would hear boxers talk about it all the time. Like, don't put your fight camp in your home city because you have too many people that want you to do things and you'll end up doing them. Doing a movie in a foreign country where you don't really know anybody and nobody on the crew really knows anybody.

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Alex]

You just have a singular focus.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Like, are you free Saturday? Yeah, I'm not doing anything for two months. Always free.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And in a way, as much as I want, like, I Have my fam out there. But, like, as much as I would love to film, like, if I want to film in New York, because I just love New York and I want to do everything in New York and that's important. Yes. If it's an action movie or some like, wild movie that doesn't need to be in a city where the city's a character. Take us away.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Because then everybody's on the same page with one goal.

[Tom Segura]

You're totally right. You're totally right. Yeah. Being away is. Is key. And leaving the country is even better.

[Alex]

If you're in Austin, think about the amount of things that you're going to be pulled to do pods or meeting or. I know, it's dinner with the family.

[Tom Segura]

Like, it's everything. Yeah, yeah. Being away is key. That's why White Lotus was the greatest show of all time. Inventing a show, you're like, yeah, we're going to go to Italy for that.

[Alex]

And they just hang out. Or the oceans.

[Tom Segura]

Movies. Oh, yeah.

[Alex]

I heard how that was part partially, like how they got them to do like, the second and third. They're like, okay, you can all live at George's house in Lake Como.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Alex]

Yeah, sounds good.

[Tom Segura]

I saw that clip of Lee, Liam Neeson talking about how he. When he got taken, he was like, I'll be honest, I thought this was like a straight to DVD movie, but I saw that it shot in Paris and I was like, I'll spend six weeks in Paris. He's like, that's. That's why I did the movie. Yeah.

[Alex]

Sandler. That way Sandler puts his in really cool locations. Hawaii.

[Tom Segura]

Always Hawaii.

[Alex]

It's like every time.

[Tom Segura]

Hawaii.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

That's the move, though. Like, that's the goal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So definitely to pick awesome locations. That would be the. That is the goal. Yeah.

[Alex]

Go with all your boys. Make something awesome. Bring the family out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. No, I'm always just like, I think this makes a lot more sense in Italy if we would do this.

[Alex]

Bad thoughts? I only have them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

In Amsterdam for some reason. Yeah. Anyway, dude, I want everybody go check it out and make sure. Are you going to be doing the road anytime soon?

[Tom Segura]

Is that I'm not going to go on tour until 27.

[Alex]

Good for you, man. Yeah, I.

[Tom Segura]

It's been a lot of touring, man. It's been a lot of touring.

[Alex]

Yeah, I get it. But I also think time off is. Is valuable, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I've. It's been a lesson. I think it. I think it helps a lot. I think it makes you live, then you have something to talk about, to talk about. Time for helicopters, time for choppers, 1700 horsepower cars. And then like, yeah, it just, it gives you a chance to, like, enjoy life, have some, some balance, experience some things, talk about it. And it is good to, like, pull back from the incessant road schedule.

[Alex]

I love that that's kind of been the way that I've gone about it because I find I don't have anything to talk about that's different than the last time. If I just keep touring and then I'm telling you different versions of the same jokes.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Alex]

And I feel guilty because I kind of want to give them. I want them to come and be like, what the was that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And that happens if you take a little time off. Yeah, I think so.

[Alex]

Yeah. Anyway, Tom Segura, thank you so much. Thank you very much, my boy.