← Andy Elliott's Elite Mindset Motivation and Sales Training
Andy Elliott's Elite Mindset Motivation and Sales Training
The #1 Problem WOMEN Have in Relationships
00:53:00
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- [00:00]
A
If you went and asked a wife that isn't focusing on herself right now, what's a goal you have for yourself? What do you want? She might not, she might not even be able to answer that question in the beginning.
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B
If you want to have a life that no one else has ever had, if you want to have things that no one else has, you're gonna have to do what everyone's not doing.
- [00:15]
A
If more women stepped into their highest selves, this world would look so different. Their family life would look so different.
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B
If I was a man and I said, I want my woman to, to just keep growing, I want her to grow like I'm growing in business, I want her to grow too. Explain to them what happens if this doesn't happen.
- [00:32]
A
If this doesn't happen, your woman is going to continue down the path of losing herself. All of her goals, they're non existent. If she never takes that first step.
- [00:41]
B
And starts, hey, guys, what's going on? Andy Elliot. Okay, now this is going to be a video today that I promise for all of my men that have followed me, okay? I probably have an audience that's 80% men. I want to tell you this. All of you have the most amazing women you have. Awesome. Just like my wife, I love her to death. And I've learned the number one problem that women have. And I know that because I've experienced it in my own life. And I'm going to let Krista talk about it for a minute. This is Krista Madden. She's a savage. It's Mommy Made Uncut is her company. You can go and you can check her out on Instagram. She just started really kind of pushing social media hard, but she has an incredible training program. This is going to be a value video. She has a community that mothers specifically, it could be any woman, but really mothers around the world plug into. She's not afraid to talk about real struggles, real entrepreneurship. And I'm telling you, man, total transformation. And as a strong man, I want a strong woman. And I remember when I married my wife, in the beginning, she was on fire. And then, you know, through life and then through having three kids, one day I looked up and I don't know the word, but I'll just say depleted. You know, she seemed depleted almost like as if you're working out every day and one day you're just like your body's depleted. And of all nutrients, of all everything. She was doing everything for everyone. And honestly, I felt like I was kind of not appreciating her. The Kids weren't even appreciating her and it wasn't going in a good direction. And she drew a line and she started putting herself first, first again. And oh, my gosh, you know, thank God that happened. Think I got it. Got. I got a good woman. I think you're going to talk about some stuff today that's really going to talk about, like, what probably a lot of men are going through and a lot of women are going through, and you're going to give some hard truths about, like, how to build a great family and if you love business. And then I'm going to flip this to you, Kris, I want you to RIP here if you want to kill it in business, if I'm the best in business at what I do, but if my home life is not on fire, you're never going to make it. I see a lot of people, the only reason why they never became really. I know a lot of talented people who are unsuccessful and a lot of talented people who get successful but lose their family and the things that they love the most and cause the most harm to themselves, their kids, and ultimately end up usually losing that business that they worked so hard for in the end because they didn't ever have someone talk to them about these hard truths, you know, these struggles. And so I love you, Krista. She's awesome. Talk to us real quick. Mommy maid, what is that? And let's talk a little bit about, like, what, what you see. There's some struggles that women are going through and that you talk about on your training calls weekly.
- [03:21]
A
Yeah, so we do weekly training calls with these women and there's so many moms in there that are struggling with the same things. It's universal all around the world. We're in a society where we're taught that women are the martyrs of the family and they should wear that as a badge of honor. They should be putting themselves last. They should be pouring from an empty cup, which we know isn't possible. We aren't able to fill someone else's cup if ours is empty. And we're taught that choosing yourself is selfish when in reality, when you're able to choose yourself and you fill your cup up so much, you have that overflow. And you can give that to your family, you can give that to your kids, your husband, and when you're running on empty all the time and you're doing all the household chores, taking care of the kids, taking them to practice school, all of the other chores that the moms are expected to do. You have nothing left to give to your relationship. And you aren't able to give your kids a full experience of what their mom is. Right. Because their moms are losing their passion. They're losing their dreams. When's the last time that, you know, a husband stopped and asked their wife, what is your dream? What do you want to do with your life? What do you. What goals do you have that have nothing to do with me, nothing to do with the kids, work for you, just for you to fill your own cup, Something that you are passionate about? So we focus on those things. When's the last time that you talked to your wife about that?
- [04:37]
B
Yeah, I know what you're saying. All the things that. Well, in the last two years, I've done a really good job, but I went about 15 years, right, needing to see a video like this where I didn't even ask my wife if she's okay. See, when I married my wife, she was a strong woman. She's independent, she's strong. I knew she was okay. No matter what we went through, I knew she was going to be okay. Like, you're married. Like, your husband probably thinks she's going to be okay. She's strong. How many of you right now got a really strong woman, you know she's going to be okay? I never asked Jackie how she was doing. I mean, I would be like, hey, everything okay? But I didn't really, really care. I wasn't really trying. It was like just in general conversation. And she always supported me and she. And I. And she always really gave me what I wanted, but I didn't really even know what she wanted.
- [05:21]
A
Yeah, because the women are never even asked. They're never asked. They're talking to the toddlers all day, and they're talking to children all day. And if they, if they don't have, like, work outside of that, then they're stuck with the kids all day. They don't get adult conversation to stimulate that. If they go to work, then they're worn down because they're working, and then they're coming home, making dinner, getting the kids ready for practice, getting them ready for bed. And they don't have that time that they set aside for them. So talk about that.
- [05:48]
B
They get burned out.
- [05:49]
A
They get burned out so fast.
- [05:50]
B
You love your life. Like, how many guys in business right now, like, you're. And if you're a woman watches, and it's like, I love it. But I. I know I have such a big male audience. Like, how many men right now? I hear this all the time. They say, I'm burned out. They love their job. They love what they do. They're good at what they do. How many moms are good at being a mom? They're good at being a mom. They're good at being a husband. They don't want to do it. They have to do it, but they don't want to do it. It's like going to a job you hate, and you don't want to quit your job. You just want to figure out how to fall back in love with it again. Right. And at one point, when we were young, we dreamed that one day when we get married and have kids, like life was going to be freaking fire. We're going to be on fire. So I think what you're. You're doing, Chris, is you're catching women back on fire.
- [06:30]
A
Yeah, they're rediscovering themselves, right? They're rediscovering who they are at their core. And then they're able to give that to the world and give that to especially their families, who maybe they haven't even got to experience that side of them. Because once you have kids and, you know, there's pregnancy and then postpartum, and then you just start going to parenting and all of the stages that come along with it, and you kind of lose yourself along the way. And when you're able to reignite that fire, like you said, inside of you and find that passion and figure out, you know, I used to really love to dance. Maybe I could take up some dance classes and start there, or I loved to write. Maybe I start journaling for myself, or I set aside a time, like every day, just 10 minutes to myself to do something for me. Just little steps like that can make a huge change. And then just sitting down and actually talking to your partner about, hey, I have goals for me and this is the direction I want to go in. Or asking your partner, what are their goals for them?
- [07:26]
B
Do talk to me about the identity. What happens as you go through these different stages? Because women become different women. A man goes through different stages in business and stuff like that, but women become. They become different women. You go from being, you know, like, single, to, like, getting married, to, like, not having a kid, to having multiple kids, taking care of, like, you go become these different women along that way. Like, for my wife, a very strong wife. And until I understood this, I couldn't help her find her identity. I was always finding my identity. Dude, she would see me come home and she would see me changing and it was almost resentment in that. Like, I was, like, doing things that I loved and she was doing things that she hated. Okay? She's like, you think I love doing the laundry? I don't know one person that likes to do in the freaking damn laundry. You think I like cleaning up the kitchen? You think I like doing that stuff? I want to do it for my family, but I don't like doing it. And I do all these things that I didn't sign up to marry you to go do your laundry, clean up after you do that. I had a dream. And somehow it seems like the females always, you know, get the end of this.
- [08:41]
A
Yeah, they do. They get. They get left behind a lot in that process of creating a family. Because we all, we, you know, want to be for everyone. Moms, they want that. They want to have their kids, and they want to be there for their kids. They want to be there for their husband. And at the same time, you have to make sure that you're there for yourself, too. Because once you get pregnant, then everything in your body becomes about that baby, right? You're. You're no longer focused on, oh, I'm going to go, you know, eat this and drink that, and it's going to be fine. You're more conscious about your health because it's for the benefit of your child.
- [09:12]
B
That's right.
- [09:13]
A
And then they're born, and then everything in your world revolves around this tiny little being that is dependent on you for everything.
- [09:20]
B
And you fall in love with that baby because that baby needs you more than anything. When I learned, when my wife, we had our first son, and even my daughters, you know, we had three kids, I needed my wife, but, like, not like they needed her. And so the love that she felt from our kids when they were little was like they couldn't live without her. And, like, she loved that. And so me and her started to drift apart because she found that love in our kids. And I, honestly, I love my wife to death, but I found my love in building the business. And slowly we were sleeping in the same bed, and we became miles apart. And it's like. And you wake up and you're like, what the hell's going on? Like, it's like, what. What I thought it was going to be, didn't it being that way. And then after that, the second thing was my wife started finding her identity. And these are struggles that you probably help women with, but in. In the kids, right? Like, she found if they were happy, she was happy, you know? And then also she found her identity in me like I was sharing the wins that I was doing in life. And honestly, her identity was not like in herself, it was in us. And she was always a very strong woman. And you know what I learned is that, and you may think like, oh man, but you're a wife. She should be grateful to be a wife. She is grateful. She's the most grateful person ever. Women are super grateful to be mothers and to be wives, but they still want the same thing that all of us want. They want to matter. They want to feel important, they want to feel significant. They want to go out and do cool stuff in life also. And at the end of the day, they have to know what their identity is because if that becomes lost, the family's in trouble. And women, they hold the whole house together. It's not the men, the men are the leaders, but the women hold the house together. You can walk into a home and you can feel whether it's warm or cold. Cold in a warm home usually has a strong woman with a strong identity in a cold home is somebody who's burnout, who, who needs love. And it's emotional, man. Like when you, you know, like it's sad. Like when I felt, I felt like when my wife started telling me like I'm not okay, I was like, I don't understand. And honestly, it's because these kind of conversations weren't even being talked about.
- [11:37]
A
Yeah. It's so important to talk to your partner on a deeper level, not just, how was your day? Oh, great. Okay, cool. Kids need to get to bed. Let's get them their bath. Okay, bye.
- [11:45]
B
Yeah, very casual. Yeah, that's what I was doing.
- [11:48]
A
Very casual. And then at some point you're more of a roommate, not a partner in that relationship. And you don't want to just have a room. If I wanted a roommate, I'll just go get a roommate. I am so grateful for my role as a wife and for my role as a mother. Right. And I did, I did that. I did that. Where I attached my identity to my husband and my kids and their well being was how mine was when my self should be separate from them. Right. I should be able to control the energy of the room, not let the energy of the room control me. If they're, if they're having a meltdown, I need to be able to control myself and not feel like I am at my wits end and I'm going to snap because my child is there having a meltdown now. Yeah, that, that's not okay. I need to be able to have my own peace and be able to help my child. And so it's so important to be choosing yourself. And so many couples I see over the years, they. They start focusing on the kids, they focus on work, they focus on all of those external factors, and they don't pour love into themselves and into their own relationship. And then the kids go off, they're in high school, they're going to college, and they don't even know each other anymore. They don't know each other as a couple anymore because they've been so outwardly focused on that. They haven't focused inward on themselves.
- [13:01]
B
Our neighbors, this is crazy. Our neighbors that we had when we lived in Oklahoma, they were. They were the cool parents and their kids used to throw, like, parties every weekend, right? And they were twins kids, and it was. It was awesome. Like, we. We watched. Our kids were little, their kids were older, and we thought they were the coolest parents ever, and we loved it. And, you know, like, not crazy wild parties, but like pool parties on the weekend. All the friends, they had the cool house that everybody came to, right? You know, and they went off to college. And when they went off to college, the house got quiet. And then she never left the house. We used to see her in the front yard all the time. She never left the house. And one day, Mike, my neighbor, I said, where's your wife? Is she okay? I mean, I haven't seen her in like two years. He's like, when the kids left, he's like, she loved them so much. And. And me and her always found our identity and our kids being happy and taken care of, and that was great. She's. She didn't know what to do. And we. I'm trying. Andy, he's like, I'm trying. It was. It's too late. He tried everything he could to try to get her one back out, but her identity was not there. She couldn't recover. And they tried forever. And we moved like two years later, we still never saw them. And I'm going to tell you this, that if somebody's watching this right now, like, these things right here, like a lot of people, like, ah, that ain't going to bother me, dude. I'll tell you this. Your relation, your wife is always. The woman is always going to be the strength of the whole home. Behind every great man is a great woman. Beside every great man is a great woman. Great men are made by great women. And if your woman is not growing and she is not strong, you will not become great, and the house will not be great. And eventually it will be built on sand and it will come down one day. So Krista tells us you built a big community. Right. Tell everybody about your community for mommies.
- [15:10]
A
So the base of the community is so that women have that spot to plug into. They need a spot where they can go for them to work on them and get that information. I've spent thousands of dollars, tens of thousands of dollars just to, like, go to workshops and learn this information and do all of this. And it's crazy to think that this stuff isn't being taught, like in schools from an early age and things like that, because the information on how to set goals, how to word them, track them, how to focus on yourself. If you went and asked a wife that isn't focusing on herself right now, what's a goal you have for yourself, what do you want? She might not answer it. She might not even be able to answer that question in the beginning. She doesn't know what she wants for herself. She's too.
- [15:49]
B
So is it, Is it, is it. It's. It's entrepreneurship, self development. Right. For women, getting. Getting them driven, finding their identities, and then also being a place to work out any struggle. Is that right?
- [16:04]
A
Yeah. So it's where they can go like.
- [16:06]
B
The process, you know, like their growth.
- [16:09]
A
Yeah. So they can come in there and they can grow at their. Their own pace, whatever they want to. They don't have to want to do entrepreneurship. It could just be for themselves and their own personal growth. And there's a classroom I've built out in there with all these levels of courses they can do to work on themselves at their own pace. And then we have these calls we do every month where there are a bunch of supportive women getting on there and they're helping each other with accountability on their goals. That's one of the things I see.
- [16:33]
B
A lot is like a sisterhood. Yeah. I got family.
- [16:36]
A
Yeah, it's like a family. Because when you have that accountability and you're telling other people, I'm going to do this, and they're asking about it, you're gonna go do it. And you have that support, they're not judging you. They know what you're going through. They know the struggle.
- [16:50]
B
Yeah. Let me tell you why this is cool, by the way, everybody watching this, there's going to be a link in the description box below. And it's a school community. You built it all out on school. It's incredible. And that's what she was talking about when she was naming. I built out courses, I built out training. You do a live zoom call every week with all of them. You also built something really cool. And I wanted to share this with everybody. Check out how big this book is. I mean, this is crazy. Okay, so when you talk about, like, value, it's called the Gold Diggers Guidebook, which I want to tell you, like, ask you, like, why you called it this. But, like, I'm noticing it's every quarter there's a new edition released, right?
- [17:30]
A
Yes.
- [17:31]
B
And check this out, guys. I'm gonna put a link below too, on this. You can. This is crazy. This is crazy. This is an entire workbook, a training guidebook for your wife on how she can crush it and kill it. She gets an entire, by the way, the school community when she joins it. All the accountability is in there. Okay? It's all in there. She can join. There you go. So make sure you send this video to your wife. But secondly, go online right now, and I want you as the husband, as the man of the house to go order this book for. For your girl. Go order it for her right now. I think the book, the PDF is like 12 bucks, which I. I'm not printing off a stack of papers. I want to order the book. And I think the book's like 39 bucks. Yeah, this whole book is 39 bucks. And it's a whole new book every quarter. And if you go through it, you can tell, like, you're filling it out as you go through. So it's literally a workbook, like, just like this. Like you can see all the work that you put into it. So tell us, you know, like, how you built it out this way and kind of what's happening in the community right now.
- [18:39]
A
So I built that out the way I did because I couldn't find any journals that had everything I wanted in it. And I was using separate journals for all the different things. So I put everything into one where it's going to walk you through the process of setting your goals and how to do that. It's going to walk you through identifying your limiting beliefs, creating new I am statements. It's going to help your self worth in the beginning part of the book with everything. And then there's weekly exercises to keep you coming back into the book. And it's set up quarterly because you can set your goals up quarterly and then break them down into monthly goals in the book.
- [19:09]
B
I love that. So what's your. What's your vision for mommy maid? Like, like, you're I know you're doing this, you're successful, you're helping, but, like, what's your vision? If somebody's watching this, I always like to ask people, what's your, what's your vision and why are you doing this?
- [19:23]
A
I'm doing this because there are not a lot of resources out there for moms to have this kind of information. A lot of times, like we've talked about, it's the men that go off to work and they work on their personal growth and development, and the women get left behind, and they need a spot for them, too. They need somewhere to go to feel seen and heard and loved and important. They need that for them. And so many women struggle with things because they don't have that kind of support in their life. So that's what I'm building is a support system for women to grow and become powerhouses, unlock something inside them that they didn't know was there, be there at their highest self in their full potential for themselves and their family, and just be badasses. I, I, if more women stepped into their highest selves, this world would look so different. Their family life would look so different.
- [20:13]
B
Would you say that this is something that a lot of women are interested in doing or not interested in doing?
- [20:22]
A
A lot of women are interested in doing. However, like I said, they're not doing things for themselves. And I, you know, sometimes I still do that, right? I'll tell my husband, man, I need a new pair of shoes. Like, just go buy a pair of shoes. Stop wearing those old shoes that are falling apart. Go buy yourself a new pair of shoes. It's not a big deal. Women might not buy this for themselves. They need someone to buy it for them or right, to get them started. Some of them might need that. They might need that support of the husband going and getting them the guidebook and saying, hey, you're important.
- [20:50]
B
So talk to the men for a minute. I mean, let's stop talking to the men. The women. Let's talk to the men for a minute.
- [20:56]
A
Okay.
- [20:57]
B
Okay. If I was a man and I said, I want my woman to just keep growing, I want her to grow like I'm growing in business. I want her to grow too, right? Like, talk to them, explain to them what happens if this doesn't happen.
- [21:12]
A
If this doesn't happen, your woman is going to continue down the path of losing herself. She's going to completely lose her identity. She's never going to grow as a person, as a wife, as a mom, in a business, anywhere. In her life, all of her goals are not. They're non existent if she never takes that first step and starts. So instead of having this wonderful, beautiful woman who is a powerhouse and chasing her dreams and goals and teaching your children that that is a normal, healthy lifestyle, to go out and chase your own passions and your own dreams and not put yourself last on everything, I don't want that for my kids. Right. So I want to show them that if you're not helping support her in that, then you are ultimately doing a disservice to yourself, your wife, your children and your future all around.
- [21:58]
B
What if I was like, but my wife's good. She doesn't want to do this kind of stuff.
- [22:02]
A
She might not have told you she wants to do this kind of stuff. When's the last time you asked her how you could support her on a dream of hers or a goal of hers that has nothing to do with you?
- [22:10]
B
She just wants to be a good wife. She wants to be a good mom. That's all she wants.
- [22:15]
A
And I'm sure she does want that. And she can still also feel her own worth as a human and as a woman on her own without identifying herself as a mom or a wife. There doesn't have to be that label attached to it.
- [22:26]
B
I love that. I want to tell. And the reason why I'm asking you that is because I think for all of us here, you know, just as human beings, the greatest gift we can ever give ourselves is spending time working on ourself.
- [22:38]
A
Absolutely. That's the biggest investment you'll ever make in your life is on yourself.
- [22:43]
B
Yeah.
- [22:43]
A
Once you've invested in yourself, it's going to pour outwardly into all aspects of your life.
- [22:48]
B
Everybody watching this probably wants their kids to do well in school and learn, right?
- [22:52]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [22:53]
B
All the men want to crush it in business and make a lot of money. There's this learning side that the moms don't get. And it's like if you want to have a life that no one else has ever had, and if you want to have things that no one else has anyone to do things that no one else is doing, and have a relationship with your wife and have her happier than everyone else, you're going to have to do what everyone's not doing. Right. And so this is growing and this is building. But I think self development in the moms isn't the most hottest topic talked about. Why? Why is that, like for real, like from you being a mom? Like, like, why does everyone overlook this spot?
- [23:35]
A
It's just the, the society we live in, we're taught that the men are the providers and they're the ones that get to chase their goals and their dreams and go out there into the world and do their thing. And the women stay home with the children. And that is their role. Their role is to pour from an empty cup and take care of the children and take care of the household chores, cook the dinner, make sure the kids get what they need and then go to bed and do it all again. And then they're burnt out and they're stressed and they're short fused. They don't want to be short fused with you, with their husband, with their kids. It just happens because they are running from nothing. They're running on empty. And that is just the societal norm.
- [24:10]
B
What are the dangers of an empty cup from a woman? What is the dangers from a depleted wife or a depleted mom? What is the dangers that you see the self destruction? What happens? What happens to relationships? What happens to, what happens.
- [24:31]
A
Relationships fall apart. Marriages get broken up. Relationships get broken up. Children suffer the most there. When a woman is short fused and then she's going at her husband and then they're fighting in front of the kids and they're short fused with each other and then the household is no longer happy. Right. Like the happy wife, happy life. You have to have that energy in the household to keep that family together. You're not going to have this big happy family if the wife is running from empty all the time.
- [25:00]
B
Why do, why do so many moms struggle putting themselves first? Like my wife struggled with this.
- [25:08]
A
Yeah.
- [25:09]
B
And then one day when she changed it, everything changed. But why do, why, why do they struggle with it?
- [25:17]
A
I think that they struggle, struggle with it because they feel guilty. I know that, like I used to get into that. That's a big word, mom guilt.
- [25:26]
B
My mom, my wife always said that. She goes, I feel, I felt guilty.
- [25:30]
A
Yeah. I would feel guilty being like, oh, I'm gonna go get my nails done and have a few minutes to myself or I'm gonna go to the gym, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go to hot works today or whatever it was. Like, I would. If I'm leaving the kids at home with the husband, then what? Why am I doing that? Like I shouldn't be doing that. I should be here, right? It's there. I should be doing that societal expectation. And then you feel that guilt, that mom guilt. And that's just embedded into women just subconsciously in our society. It's that expectation that Women give and give and give and they don't receive.
- [26:02]
B
It's just non stop sacrifice.
- [26:04]
A
Non stop sacrifice.
- [26:06]
B
Yeah, guys. So I watched my wife heat up cold food for, you know, at least, at least seven to nine years, right? She, she heated up cold or my bad, she just ate cold food. She didn't. She wore her hair in a bunch. She had yoga pants on every day and she didn't go to the gym. She just wore yoga pants. Our kids had perfect hair. They were dressed to the tilt. My wife wouldn't spend any money on herself. And what I noticed is that my wife was aging. She was trying to support me as much as she could handle the financial obligations of what was going on in our family. Making sure that, you know, everything's like, good. Like I'm handling, I'm. Me and her disconnected. Even though I think we're doing better than most, doing better than most is the poison of all this. There's gonna be a lot of people that are watching this and they're like, well, dude, we're not doing bad. I mean, so I don't need this. Well, I'm a businessman. I pay money every day for self development because I want an edge. I want to get better. Your, your community is not built for women that are falling apart. Your community is built for awesome women that want an edge, to take their life to a new level, to be better for their kids, better for their husband, and be better for themselves. So ultimately, everybody wins when people plug into you.
- [27:23]
A
Absolutely right.
- [27:24]
B
And I mean, who in here wants to go home and live with an unfulfilled wife? A wife that's disappointed in herself? Because honestly, all it is is a fight, dude. When I don't like me, number one, if I don't love me, I can't love anyone else. And so I think the reason there's a lot of men out there right now, if we ask the question, who in here would like their wives to love them more, show them more love? I'm like, hell yeah.
- [27:48]
A
Hopefully everyone.
- [27:49]
B
Yeah. Yeah. I want my wife to show me more love. How about sexually? I want my wife to love me more sexually. Well, I'm going to tell you this. If she doesn't love herself, ain't gonna happen. And then you're going to say, babe, you know you're not into me anymore. You're not into this thing, and you know you need to be nicer to me. Dude, she's putting pouring from an empty cup. It is empty. And that's the deal that at some point it has to be filled. I see this with leaders and sales organizations. They pour everything into their team all day long, but they never self develop anymore because they're like, I'm the leader, so I don't need leadership training because I'm the leader. And what happens is they literally burn out. They lose their whole company, they lose their whole team. This is how, this is why the divorce rate is so freaking high, is because honestly, women would support their husbands to go kick freaking butt as long as they could self develop and grow with them at the same time. So they would be equally growing.
- [28:45]
A
Yeah. Because no, no, she doesn't want to go have sex after she's been running around with milk on her and a mom bun all day doing all the household chores. That's not really the sexiest thing. She has no confidence right now. She's running around in a baggy tv, T shirt, yoga pants and a mom bun.
- [29:01]
B
Yeah.
- [29:02]
A
That's not what's on her mind at the moment. And she needs some support to get herself out of that space.
- [29:09]
B
Yeah.
- [29:10]
A
And that's where the men can come in because the men coming home and expecting those things. Right. Expectations, they're just pre made resentments.
- [29:17]
B
Right.
- [29:18]
A
And then it causes more issues.
- [29:20]
B
They don't get what they want met.
- [29:21]
A
Yes.
- [29:22]
B
And then the, the women think the men are going to come home and they great freaking attitude and clean up the kitchen and do all these things and they don't do that. And then both of them, there's all.
- [29:31]
A
These resentments going and everybody hates everybody. Yeah.
- [29:34]
B
And the cool thing is, guys, you don't have to do anything here. We don't need you to do anything. We just need you to do me a favor. Make sure you send them this podcast number one. Send them this YouTube video. The number one problem that women have is that they don't plug in to refilling their cup back up. And you're a professional at this. You're a pro at this. You love doing this. What I love is that there's people that know like the art of like doing the right thing, but they're not passionate about it. They're not on fire. It's like going to church and a guy knows the Bible, but he's not on fire for Jesus. He's on fire. Like when you walk in, he's like, oh man, today we're gonna bring it. It's like, I love that. I'm like, man, this is exciting. Like my like preach today. Or the guy comes in and goes, yeah, today we're gonna talk. And I'm like, man, I should just. You know, I love that. But I love the other one better. You know, if I had the choice, I would take the other one, the exciting one. And there's so many wives right now, great mothers that are waiting to catch fire, and they don't know how to do it, which is why they're not doing anything. And what they've tried probably didn't work. And by the way, I want to say this. This is probably my favorite part about you, is that sometimes it takes the neighbor effect. Like, even if I knew what my wife needed to do, because me and her have been together for 18 years. If I told her, she might not do it.
- [30:56]
A
Yeah.
- [30:57]
B
But then Krista comes along, goes, hey, let me tell you what you needed to do. And they're like, man, great idea. And it's like, we all need. Honestly, when I changed my life, my wife was really directed me, and I had someone that I looked up to tell me what my wife told me. And then I went to my wife and I said, babe, guess what I'm gonna start doing? And she's like, I've been telling you that for 10 years. But my wife was really happy that at least I finally got it from someone, even if it wasn't from her. As long as I've listened from someone, I still get the change that she's desiring. And so if anybody's watching this and you guys really want to totally transform your wife, your mother. I love my wife more than anything in the world. She's the best mom. If somebody was to hurt my wife, I would kill them. I'd kill them for my kids. How many of us right now are hurting our family by not giving them something to plug into? And, you know, I love what you said. The guilt factor of, like, you said this, this book. There. There's a lot of women that are like, a guy may be like, hey, babe, you should go buy this book. They're not gonna buy it. But I'll tell you something. I told my wife, babe, you ought to buy this book. You know what? When I bought her a book, she read it.
- [32:09]
A
Yeah, they'll read it. If it's available, they'll work on it. It's available. And the thing is, like you said, everyone will kill for their kids. They'll die for the kids. However, they're not living for their kids. They're not setting that example for their kids. They're not living their life to the fullest potential possible and showing their kids the way.
- [32:26]
B
And so you could, so you can be a mommy. People that you like to be around, business owners, they don't have to be stay at home moms. They're business owners, entrepreneurs. Most of the women that she deals with, they are mom entrepreneurs, which is what she is, and she loves that. But they can be all aspects of being a mom. You know, something super cool. And I want to talk about the value here is that when I asked my wife, I did ask my wife, what does she want? What is her dream? What is her goal? And my wife clearly wrote down, I want my daughters to look up to me. That was what she wrote. And you know what's crazy is she was a great mom. She gave them everything. And even she'll tell you, if my wife was here, they appreciated her being such a good mom, but they were looking up to other people on social media. They were looking up to, you know, all kinds of things and they weren't looking up to her. And that killed her because she's like, I'm doing more for you than anyone and you're not looking up to me. And so if someone were to ask her, if no one is around, who do you look up to? Who do you want to be when you grow up? They probably wouldn't say, my mom. That really pissed my wife off. And so. And no one told her this. She recognized this. My wife went to war. Self development, spending money on herself, getting into communities, recreating her life. And wow, like what the woman that I got, oh my gosh, like, I'm so glad that she made that decision. And our kid, My wife still talks about this. If you'll say, what's the. If you walk into my wife, you say, what's the proudest moment you've ever seen? I mean, out of any of the moments that she's ever had in her life, there was this woman and she went up to my daughter and it was about two years ago, and she asked her, who do you want to be when you grow up? And my wife was like talking to other people and my daughter's over here. But somehow my wife, you know, women got those damn ears, right? Like eared in. And my daughter goes, I want to be like my mom. At that moment, my wife quickly back wound into the day that she decided to start filling your cup up, putting herself first, thought about all of those changes she made. And then it was all in full proof that her daughter, by the way, I chased her around the house. I'm in love with her again. I'M respecting her more. I'm treating her like we did when we first met. You know why? Because she loves herself again. And you know, I married, I wanted to be with my wife because I loved the way that she was. And over time, that woman was slowly getting killed and she was becoming what everyone else in the world is. You know, mom busy, no time for her. And you know, the attractiveness was eroding. Her confidence was eroding and it was just like, damn, man. You know, like, oh, I guess. And by the way, I guess this is getting older. Like that's what a lot of people think. Like I'm getting older.
- [35:33]
A
No, you're burnt out and you're working a system that doesn't work. The system doesn't work. And the earlier we can change that. I think we talked about this last time is the generational trauma. It can be held in your DNA for like up to seven generations. And if you start changing that and then your children, you help them heal down the line, you're gonna have a much brighter future for your bloodline.
- [35:57]
B
It's a bloodline breaker.
- [35:58]
A
It's a bloodline breaker. And well, no, no, duh. Your kids don't want to be like you if you're burnt out, running around chaotic and just flustered all the time and on a short fuse. No kid wants to grow up to be like that.
- [36:12]
B
And, and kids emulate their parents attitude all the time.
- [36:16]
A
They emulate everything. They're absorbing everything that you're doing.
- [36:20]
B
Yeah. So if you love your kids, like this is like a very, it's, it's a selfish thing you should do for yourself, but it's also very selfless because your kids only know how to operate and act based on the way that their parents do.
- [36:31]
A
And they're either gonna look at you and say, that's what I want to be, or that's not what I want to be.
- [36:35]
B
And that's good.
- [36:37]
A
That's a huge one. Do, do I want my kids to look at me and say I don't want to be like her or do I want them to look up to me and say, oh no, I want to be a successful business owner and I want to be able to focus on my own growth and be happy and feel important and feel like I matter too and that I have a place in this world and a purpose.
- [36:54]
B
That's huge, man. I want to tell you, there was somebody that asked me a long time ago, was in an event I was wanting to change my life and they said everybody in here should know who you want to be. You know, write it down. And honestly, I didn't know. I didn't. I didn't know, like, what to write, but I did know who I didn't want to be. I didn't want to be like my mom, and I didn't want to be like my dad.
- [37:20]
A
Yep.
- [37:21]
B
And so I just want to tell you guys, like, maybe. Maybe you just want to make sure that never happens. And you're. Hey, you're successful, you make a lot of money. Who cares? Who cares? The. The love, the respect, the home, the mother on fire, them seeing what their future could look like in a relationship one day, what life can feel like, the love that they feel, the way you treat each other. You know, just. All of this really stems from. Truthfully, when my wife is happy, I am on fire. And honestly, when my wife is not on fire, it's emotionally draining to our whole household. And all that everyone wants to do is fix her and get her. Right. And again, sometimes our kids can't fix her. Hey, mama, rub your shoulders. That's not gonna work. It's not a shoulder rub. Okay. You know, a massage would be good, but it's not a shoulder rub. It's not even me doing anything for her. It's honestly, her spending time. The greatest gift is to spend time working on yourself.
- [38:25]
A
She has to do the work on her own inside.
- [38:27]
B
She's got to work on her own mind.
- [38:28]
A
Yeah.
- [38:29]
B
She's got. Hey, no one. The greatest response. Responsibility in life, I think, is being in control of your own thoughts. Right. And if you're not happy with. Internally with you, no matter what I do, I can't make you happy. And so I think when. When people plug into your community, you're finding their best self and so that they can go back into their lives just like they are.
- [38:52]
A
Yeah.
- [38:53]
B
And just kick freaking butt and catch fire.
- [38:56]
A
Right. The goal is that you want to step into your highest self. Right. People always say higher. However, I don't want to be higher. I want to be my highest self. I don't want to just be a little bit higher. Right. And you want to tap into that highest self. And people don't realize, like, when they have these thoughts or these ideas or those goals or those dreams, like, that is the universe telling you to take action on that. You're not just having these cool ideas just to have them and do nothing with them.
- [39:19]
B
I love that. What. So what now? If. If you were to talk directly. We've got. We've got the men. You know you got the moms. What do they do from here? How do they get plugged in with you? Give a really clear what's next. Join your school community.
- [39:38]
A
Yes. So join the school community@school.com mommymadeuncut. That'll take you directly to our community. It's only 27 bucks a month to invest in you.
- [39:47]
B
That's nothing.
- [39:48]
A
That's nothing. That's a couple Starbucks drinks.
- [39:50]
B
It's nothing.
- [39:50]
A
It's nothing to invest in.
- [39:51]
B
It's one Starbucks drinks now.
- [39:53]
A
Right.
- [39:54]
B
Okay. So go to the school community. Get plugged in. They'll. And in that they're going to get your full curriculum that you've built out.
- [40:02]
A
Absolutely, yes.
- [40:03]
B
They'll get a weekly zoom call with you. Right. Where in a group setting, you'll teach everybody.
- [40:09]
A
Yeah. And we have Q and A and stuff. Yeah. So we'll have the weekly zooms and then we have other ones thrown in there. We do monthly book club where we read self growth and personal development books and we discuss it with each other and what we got out of it. There's journaling prompts, there's challenges every month to work on your own growth and develop more. And we discuss those in the group. Right. There's threads to talk. So it's open 24 hours a day. Right. You can go in there and share your wins or share your struggles any time of the day. And then we have those live zooms weekly, sometimes several times a week, you know, and I think that's really what helps make it feel like a community.
- [40:45]
B
How close is everybody in the group?
- [40:47]
A
Oh, everyone's so supportive of each other in the group.
- [40:49]
B
I love that.
- [40:50]
A
When you, like, look at the comments, there's never anything like, negative. No one's coming at you like, why would you do that? That's a terrible idea. They're like, awesome. I love that. How. What's your plan to get there?
- [41:01]
B
Yeah. If the devil's going to take you out, he's. He's going to make sure that you don't have the right people to plug into.
- [41:06]
A
Yeah.
- [41:06]
B
So this is a great place to develop in. And then also if you're going through something, a place to work things out with. And I'm sure these answers are being answered all the time with things that are going on. So it's a great place for. For mommies to just crush it in. We have the book. So I'm going to put the. And what's the website to the book?
- [41:23]
A
Mommymade uncut.com.
- [41:25]
B
Mommymade uncut.com yes. And how do they find you on.
- [41:28]
A
Instagram at Mommymade Uncut is all of my socials.
- [41:32]
B
Okay. Amommymade Uncut?
- [41:34]
A
Yes.
- [41:34]
B
Okay. And I know you're on Tick Tock, you're on, on Facebook and you're on Instagram.
- [41:37]
A
Yes.
- [41:38]
B
Okay, let's, let's end with the final message. Okay. It's, there's a mom out there. She, she, she's like, nah, I'm not gonna do this right now. Right. You know, I, I want to say this for 10 seconds. I almost didn't do this. You know, like I was in a job from 1999 to 201918 to 39. I was a W2 employee. I watched a Tony Robbins video. He said there was this training course at the end. It motivated me. I felt different. I knew there was another version of me, but honestly I was really busy, had a lot of things going on. My amygdala was my. My mind was telling me all these stories about how that wouldn't work for me not doing this. And it was a $3,000 training course. And he said, hey, buy this and I'll change your life. And I wanted to do it, but like I was busy, man. I had so much stuff going on and I don't know how, by the grace of God, I click. I just bought it. Honestly, I had buyer's remorse for a week. I was sick to my stomach that I bought it. But then I did the training. Then it changed my life. And here I am today. I built a giant freakin business and an amazing life. You know, I almost didn't do this.
- [43:13]
A
Can you imagine where you'd be if you didn't?
- [43:15]
B
I can't imagine, I can't imagine the people I wouldn't have helped. I can't imagine the way ought to let my family down. I couldn't imagine how complacency and mediocrity would have kept crawling me. I couldn't imagine it. So as you're saying this right, like I almost didn't do this. And so I just, I want people to know that like at the time when it comes to doing any of this, like people like there's always the devil saying don't do it, you don't have to do that.
- [43:39]
A
Right? You don't have the time, you don't have the money, you don't have the energy, whatever the excuse may be, you're busy. I almost didn't join the personal development the first workshop I did. I almost didn't do it. I wasn't gonna Sign up for the long course and do all of it and do all the in person weekends and all of that. And if I hadn't done that, I don't know that I'd still be married today. I, I huge.
- [43:59]
B
I mean it.
- [44:00]
A
That's my relationship completely different because of it. My relationship with my children is completely different because I worked on me. And if I'd never done that, I would probably still be working a 9 to 5 office job, miserable waking up at the crack of dawn to get my kids to their school and run around like a crazy person and not have the love of my life in my life.
- [44:20]
B
Still possibly I heard my wife and guys, I hope right now, number one, go down to the links below and make sure that you, you follow her on Instagram, follow her on Facebook, whatever media channel that you follow. If you use Instagram, go follow on Instagram right now. But I want you guys to go join her school community, like 91 1, like that's a must have to go join her school community. She says 27 bucks a month. So like I don't care if it's like a thousand a month, like you just go join it. I want to tell you why. And I, I, we sometimes we learn cold hard truths at weird times. And, and I don't like hearing them. And they're so, so Jackie told me why one time and I didn't understand it. And I was actually blind to the fact that there was a problem in our home. And everything that you just said, you said, we might not be married. You know, I might not. And you know when you hear that, you know, like, I mean, as like a husband, I'm like, what? I'm like, what? Like what were you thinking? Like, what's going on? Like, what's, what's happening? And one time our daughter fell in the pool, right? And she almost drowned. And I heard my wife say, if, if, if our daughter would have drowned, our family wouldn't have been strong enough to make it. We wouldn't have made it. And I'm like, what do you mean? Like, how would losing our daughter, like, make me and you not make it? And she's like, I live for our kids. You were gone. We wouldn't have made it. Yeah, I would have, we wouldn't have made it, Andy. And I was like. And she's like, no, if one of something had of our kids now, we would make it. We would be fine. And I hate to stand it that way. She goes, but we wouldn't have made it back then. And when I heard that, I was like, damn, man. I'm like, it's crazy how we can go through life pleasing the wrong people. Being blind to all these things that are happening inside our own home. And the enemy isn't often some far distant land. He's very close and usually he's in our own mind. And if I don't work on me, then I won't be very good. Everyone around me and then especially the women, they, to me, honestly, I mean, they're not given enough credit, but they hold everything together. They are the glue to everything. And so when they're not in their best state, well, then we're, we're on sand and eventually at one point, everything's going to collapse. And so my wife, though, she is strong and I understand this self development thing that you're saying. I'd never even considered my wife after I was working and making money on her needing to do any of that. I'm like, why would she need to do that? She seems to play with the kids and have fun and I'm taking all the pressure off her. She doesn't want to be nobody. She doesn't want to be forgotten. And you know, she didn't want to not have any dreams anymore. And so everything that you're saying, it's, it's, it's kind of hard to take, you know, I'm saying sometimes. But this is why everyone's getting divorced. This is why everyone's miserable. This is why everyone is, you know, not falling more crazy in love every day. You know, this is the reasons to a lot of stuff, but this solves every problem, what you're doing. So.
- [47:31]
A
Yeah, and I am so like, like you said, like you, your mindset, which I know my husband's been in a similar mindset where he's like, well, I'm, I'm making the money, I'm taking the pressure off of her. She just has to take care of the kids, whatever. And I am so grateful for all of the times that he, he, like, he has supported our family and you know, and at the same time, I didn't have an outlet for me. I didn't have an outlet for myself through a deployment, right through him not living at home for three years because of the military. We lived in separate states because they wouldn't let him come home. Like all of these crazy things. I didn't take the time for myself. Still, I was at home running the household alone. And I forever was, am grateful for him for the support that he gave me.
- [48:15]
B
Absolutely.
- [48:15]
A
From afar. He, like, when I lost my mom, he was, he wasn't home and he called everyone. He rounded the troops. He had people show up at the house because we were. This was post personal development. He was working away and he knew that I needed that support and he ordered my favorite pizza to the house and he did whatever he could for me even from afar. So it's like if he wanted to, like, he will. And there are ways you can support them even when you are gone. Cuz I know a lot of people have jobs where they work away from home and things like that. And there are still things you can do to support your wife in small ways that will mean the world to her. Getting all her friends to show up there for her and have girl time in a time of crisis, huge for her. Getting a book. She can go through huge. Little things matter. Ordering her favorite pizza, going out of the way to order her favorite chocolate she can't find in the store anymore and has to order online just because, like, take care of her thoughtfulness.
- [49:09]
B
Yeah.
- [49:10]
A
Be thoughtful.
- [49:11]
B
Yeah. And. And I think finish with one last thing is don't wait for something bad to happen before your change.
- [49:19]
A
No, don't.
- [49:20]
B
Because I think that a lot of people, like, if they're in a state of crisis, they're like, oh, I would need this if I'm like really struggling. But we're good. It's like, that's not how it works.
- [49:30]
A
Right. Better. It's like the better be prepared than, you know, sorry, later type.
- [49:35]
B
Yeah.
- [49:35]
A
But it's with yourself in your own being and your family.
- [49:38]
B
Well, when my wife told me if our daughter would have drowned, we wouldn't be together, I'm like, wait, what? It's like I didn't even understand that. And what I understand is she's like, you know. Yeah. Like, you're like. Like we've gotten really distant and we ain't really talked about it and no one's talking about the elephant in the. In the corner. And honestly, the. And the reason why is because I was on fire growing and I didn't think that that was important to her. And so I didn't include her in that stuff. And then my wife's one of these people where if she doesn't feel included, she's not going to go be like, hey, I want to be a part of that. She don't say nothing.
- [50:13]
A
Right. She's not going to insure herself into her stuff.
- [50:16]
B
Like resentment starts kicking in and our whole house is full of resentment. And then anyways, you know, she started working on her bam, dude, it's like whole freaking world changed.
- [50:26]
A
And maybe, maybe a woman doesn't want to be an entrepreneur and that's okay. However, working in yourself is still important. And I think a lot of times we do as a society attach like who you are as to what you do right? What do you do right? What do you do for a living? What, what do you want to be when you grow up?
- [50:41]
B
The label.
- [50:42]
A
I want to be happy. I want to be on fire. I want to be enthusiastic. I want to feel passion, I want to feel love. I want to have a happy family.
- [50:49]
B
Make a difference.
- [50:50]
A
Yeah, I want to make a difference in the world. I want to help women.
- [50:53]
B
Yeah.
- [50:53]
A
Like what do you do?
- [50:55]
B
It's huge, man. You're awesome. You're awesome. If you're watching this and you made it to the end, obviously once you guys, thank you. Make sure you share this with somebody. You know, maybe it's your sister, you know, maybe it's your wife, you know, maybe it's somebody that you're like, man, dude, I need to get this in this person's hands. And you're thinking that. Make sure you follow Krista. Make sure that you understand that, you know, she's going to be dropping a lot of stuff on social media, but most importantly her training, her teaching, her coaching, all these things, it happens inside the school community. Okay, so go down to the link below in the description box. Make sure you get it set up. And by the way, get it for your wife. Like get it for say Bob or Bob. Hey babe, I bought, I bought you this awesome self development thing that I saw in Andy Elliott's and I want you to check it out. Show up on the call next week and see what happens and you know, and get on there and there's gonna be the link below. Buy the book for. Buy the next quarter book for. Let her chew it up. Just do that for her. Just do, be the support, show you care, be thoughtful, you know, and God will handle the rest. You ain't even got to do none, okay? But if you love her, this is what you do. And it changed my life. And I always talk about when Jackie started putting herself first, I really underestimated what was going to happen. And honestly it's the greatest thing that ever happened to our family. So the fact that you're doing this for women is amazing. And I do this for men. She's doing this for women. This is incredible. So make sure you set this guys up. Send this to your wives. If you have a girlfriend and you're thinking about, you know, her having kids one day with you, get her in the system now, you know, like, what is too early to start learning about this stuff and teaching. Like, it's a self development community. So I love you guys. I appreciate you. Make sure you guys go follow her on Instagram. Make sure you guys get set up on your training and send this aside somebody you love and that you can use it and watch it a couple times. If you don't understand it, here's what I'll tell you. You need to understand it. It is how to change your life. So love you guys. We'll see you in the next video.