Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? – "A Garbage Christmas Miracle!"
Episode Overview
In this festive and rowdy Christmas special, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley are joined by their crew – New Guy Luke and Ryan "Diesel" for an annual holiday extravaganza. They celebrate the end of a wild year, reminisce about their garbage holiday traditions, swap store-themed gifts, and answer fan-submitted "Are You Garbage?" Christmas stories. The episode is full of the show’s trademark trashy banter, heartfelt moments, and plenty of laughs.
Table of Contents
- Opening Christmas Chaos (00:00–03:59)
- A Trashy Gift Exchange: The Christmas Miracle (03:59–19:03)
- Gift Breakdown and Banter (19:03–36:01)
- Listener Christmas Garbage Stories (50:18–61:24)
- Dirtball Family Traditions & More Holiday Talk (61:24–83:07)
- The Finale: Twas the Night Before Garbage Christmas (83:08–End)
Opening Christmas Chaos (00:00–03:59) <a name="opening"></a>
- The episode kicks off at “Aunt Tooty’s house” for a family-style, off-the-rails Christmas special.
- The hosts immediately set the tone for a raucous, loving, “garbage” holiday—Aunt Tooty’s already recovering from too much Christmas cheer:
"She unfortunately had a little too much Christmas cheer last night, so we gave her a liquid IV and a Midol. She's gonna be sleeping till about dinner time." – Foley (00:41)
- Kevin, crowned "Santa Claus" and new dad Kippy of the year, expresses gratitude to the fans, recaps a successful year, and roasts Foley for hijacking his thank-yous.
Notable Quote:
"Make sure you get that beef Wellington, by the way." – Foley (00:53)
Vibe: The camaraderie is real, the jabs are sharp, and the Christmas spirit is off-kilter but heartfelt.
A Trashy Gift Exchange: The Christmas Miracle (03:59–19:03) <a name="gift-exchange"></a>
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The crew spins the old holiday tradition: each person selects a store that ‘represents them’ and must buy gifts for the team from that store.
- Kevin: Home Depot (“King of the Burbs”)
- Foley: Toys R Us (“Grew up trashy”)
- Luke: Nordstrom (“Bougie, classy guy”)
- Diesel: Williams Sonoma (for the home chef—details emerge throughout)
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Spirited debate about Home Depot vs. Bloomingdale’s, the best department store smells, and the bittersweetness of shifting into “dad” mode at Christmas.
- Foley on dad life:
"I'm on the other side of all those Christmases I had... where you're just like, dude, what do you—if I was still in the heaters right now, you guys be opening it up..." (05:23)
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Recap of past cheap gift years, and confessions of last-minute holiday shopping struggles.
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Foley cracks about the butt plug craze, immediately spinning it into a classic AY Garbage digression.
Gift Breakdown and Banter (19:03–36:01) <a name="gift-breakdown"></a>
Ryan Diesel’s Gifts:
- LED the gifting, starting with Kippy:
- Artisan Pizza Set with Olive Wood Handles (11:14)
- Foley: “Is olive wood nice?”
- Diesel: “Olive wood is very nice.” (11:46)
- Also: accessories, pizza sauce, herb oil—gift bag is crumpled, which becomes a punchline.
- For Foley: Giant Caesar Salad Bowl & Rich Lady Salad Claws (16:01)
- “That’s a nice Caesar salad bowl. You put the anchovies in there, the egg yolk, smoosh it up, the garlic… then the salad on top.” – Foley (16:46)
- For Luke: Stone and Wood Cheese Board Set (18:25)
- Artisan Pizza Set with Olive Wood Handles (11:14)
Other Gifts (H. Foley, Kevin, Luke):
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Foley gifts Diesel a Telescope (24:10):
"If your neighbor's in the shower... this is a great telescope. I never got one as a kid." – Diesel (24:50)
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Luke gives Foley a Nordstrom Timex Watch (25:58):
“Now we go to dinner, we got nice watches on, looking like Jenna.” – Foley (26:21)
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Major themes in the exchange:
- Self-referential ribbing (bad wrapping jobs, gift receipts, “bought this this morning”)
- Trash-to-class spectrum in gift choices: Ugg scarf, bath sets, Lego F1 series, heated blankets, cold brew makers
- Stories about family, being jammed up, and embracing garbage traditions
Memorable Moment:
Diesel describes getting an expensive Dewalt jigsaw and double battery set, thanks to a Home Depot cashier’s tip:
"If you buy the batteries... you get the tool for free. Swear to God, this guy didn't have to do that. Tracked me down, found me... buddy, you saved Christmas." – Kevin (31:35)
Listener Christmas Garbage Stories (50:18–61:24) <a name="listener-stories"></a>
Fan-submitted "AYG" Christmas tales:
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JB’s Christmas in Montana: Gave kids lumber and skateboard ramp plans because work hadn’t paid out (51:29)
- “Worst part is, we never built the ramp.” – Reader JB
- "That’s what being a dirtbag on Christmas is all about." – Foley (52:18)
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Schmoogley’s Casino Family: Family gets drunk then goes to the casino every Christmas Eve (53:22)
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Reflections on how family holiday meanings change—less about the kids as everyone ages, more about the communal time together.
Dirtball Family Traditions & More Holiday Talk (61:24–83:07) <a name="family-traditions"></a>
Highlight Discussions:
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Estranged Families at Christmas: (60:01) Attempted to unite warring relatives, failed spectacularly; brother ate alone and hotboxed the bathroom.
“You gotta learn the hard way.” – Foley (61:24)
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Trapping Santa as a Kid: (46:44)
- “Is it garbage to try and trap Santa?... I set up trip wires and hidden cameras...” – Reader Dirt Head
- Hosts share their own childhood Christmas booby traps and pranks, including accidentally injuring uncles.
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Food Debate: Dip Parties Forever (81:47)
- “All dips, just all dips. You’re sitting there, laughing, counting your tips... that’s what it’s all about.” – Kevin (81:59)
- “I might switch over to all dips, all the time.” – Foley (82:11)
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Secret Santa Debates:
- Is it garbage to count a discounted item’s full value for a $50 Secret Santa minimum? The consensus: sales don’t count, but the spirit of the season does (71:35).
Notable Quote:
"Whenever you fold vegetables into a pita, that's when you know it's Christmas in an Albanian household!" – Foley (82:57)
The Finale: Twas the Night Before Garbage Christmas (83:08–End) <a name="finale"></a>
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H. Foley’s signature holiday parody poem. Bittersweet, honest, and on brand:
“Twas the night before Christmas and all through Tuddy’s, Luke was tossing and turning, dreaming of ganja and nerd clusters and all Christmas’s goodies...”
– H. Foley (83:30) -
The poem wraps up the episode with sentimental beats, inside jokes, forgiveness for past mess-ups, and a promise of more Are You Garbage adventures in the new year.
Notable Quotes
- “Christmas came early for a couple of guys.” – Kevin (08:30)
- “You know you love getting cozy, right? You're a cozy guy.” – Kippy (47:43)
- “If you've done your job... that ain't your fault what a retailer decides to put on sale.” – Foley (71:37)
- “That's what being a fucking dirtbag on Christmas is all about.” – Foley (52:18)
- “All dips, just all dips... that's what it's all fucking about.” – Kevin (82:11)
- “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. We love you.” – H. Foley (86:04)
Tone:
Irreverent, affectionate, raucous, but warm – a classic “dirtbag family” holiday with all the bruises, inside jokes, and surprisingly touching moments Are You Garbage fans know and love.
For Listeners New and Old:
You’ll get laughter, a full schedule of oddball gifting, and proof that in this crew, being a little garbage is what brings everyone (including the audience) together for the holidays.
