Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? – "A Garbage Christmas Miracle!"

Episode Overview

In this festive and rowdy Christmas special, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley are joined by their crew – New Guy Luke and Ryan "Diesel" for an annual holiday extravaganza. They celebrate the end of a wild year, reminisce about their garbage holiday traditions, swap store-themed gifts, and answer fan-submitted "Are You Garbage?" Christmas stories. The episode is full of the show’s trademark trashy banter, heartfelt moments, and plenty of laughs.

Table of Contents

1. Opening Christmas Chaos (00:00–03:59)
2. A Trashy Gift Exchange: The Christmas Miracle (03:59–19:03)
3. Gift Breakdown and Banter (19:03–36:01)
4. Listener Christmas Garbage Stories (50:18–61:24)
5. Dirtball Family Traditions & More Holiday Talk (61:24–83:07)
6. The Finale: Twas the Night Before Garbage Christmas (83:08–End)

Opening Christmas Chaos (00:00–03:59) <a name="opening"></a>

• The episode kicks off at “Aunt Tooty’s house” for a family-style, off-the-rails Christmas special.
• The hosts immediately set the tone for a raucous, loving, “garbage” holiday—Aunt Tooty’s already recovering from too much Christmas cheer:

  "She unfortunately had a little too much Christmas cheer last night, so we gave her a liquid IV and a Midol. She's gonna be sleeping till about dinner time." – Foley (00:41)

• Kevin, crowned "Santa Claus" and new dad Kippy of the year, expresses gratitude to the fans, recaps a successful year, and roasts Foley for hijacking his thank-yous.

Notable Quote:
"Make sure you get that beef Wellington, by the way." – Foley (00:53)

Vibe: The camaraderie is real, the jabs are sharp, and the Christmas spirit is off-kilter but heartfelt.

A Trashy Gift Exchange: The Christmas Miracle (03:59–19:03) <a name="gift-exchange"></a>

• The crew spins the old holiday tradition: each person selects a store that ‘represents them’ and must buy gifts for the team from that store.

  • Kevin: Home Depot (“King of the Burbs”)
  • Foley: Toys R Us (“Grew up trashy”)
  • Luke: Nordstrom (“Bougie, classy guy”)
  • Diesel: Williams Sonoma (for the home chef—details emerge throughout)

• Spirited debate about Home Depot vs. Bloomingdale’s, the best department store smells, and the bittersweetness of shifting into “dad” mode at Christmas.

  • Foley on dad life:

  "I'm on the other side of all those Christmases I had... where you're just like, dude, what do you—if I was still in the heaters right now, you guys be opening it up..." (05:23)

• Recap of past cheap gift years, and confessions of last-minute holiday shopping struggles.

• Foley cracks about the butt plug craze, immediately spinning it into a classic AY Garbage digression.

Gift Breakdown and Banter (19:03–36:01) <a name="gift-breakdown"></a>

Ryan Diesel’s Gifts:

• LED the gifting, starting with Kippy:
  • Artisan Pizza Set with Olive Wood Handles (11:14)
    • Foley: “Is olive wood nice?”
    • Diesel: “Olive wood is very nice.” (11:46)
    • Also: accessories, pizza sauce, herb oil—gift bag is crumpled, which becomes a punchline.
  • For Foley: Giant Caesar Salad Bowl & Rich Lady Salad Claws (16:01)
    • “That’s a nice Caesar salad bowl. You put the anchovies in there, the egg yolk, smoosh it up, the garlic… then the salad on top.” – Foley (16:46)
  • For Luke: Stone and Wood Cheese Board Set (18:25)

Other Gifts (H. Foley, Kevin, Luke):

• Foley gifts Diesel a Telescope (24:10):

  "If your neighbor's in the shower... this is a great telescope. I never got one as a kid." – Diesel (24:50)

• Luke gives Foley a Nordstrom Timex Watch (25:58):

  “Now we go to dinner, we got nice watches on, looking like Jenna.” – Foley (26:21)

• Major themes in the exchange:

  • Self-referential ribbing (bad wrapping jobs, gift receipts, “bought this this morning”)
  • Trash-to-class spectrum in gift choices: Ugg scarf, bath sets, Lego F1 series, heated blankets, cold brew makers
  • Stories about family, being jammed up, and embracing garbage traditions

Memorable Moment:
Diesel describes getting an expensive Dewalt jigsaw and double battery set, thanks to a Home Depot cashier’s tip:

"If you buy the batteries... you get the tool for free. Swear to God, this guy didn't have to do that. Tracked me down, found me... buddy, you saved Christmas." – Kevin (31:35)

Listener Christmas Garbage Stories (50:18–61:24) <a name="listener-stories"></a>

Fan-submitted "AYG" Christmas tales:

• JB’s Christmas in Montana: Gave kids lumber and skateboard ramp plans because work hadn’t paid out (51:29)

  • “Worst part is, we never built the ramp.” – Reader JB
  • "That’s what being a dirtbag on Christmas is all about." – Foley (52:18)

• Schmoogley’s Casino Family: Family gets drunk then goes to the casino every Christmas Eve (53:22)

• Reflections on how family holiday meanings change—less about the kids as everyone ages, more about the communal time together.

Dirtball Family Traditions & More Holiday Talk (61:24–83:07) <a name="family-traditions"></a>

Highlight Discussions:

• Estranged Families at Christmas: (60:01) Attempted to unite warring relatives, failed spectacularly; brother ate alone and hotboxed the bathroom.

  “You gotta learn the hard way.” – Foley (61:24)

• Trapping Santa as a Kid: (46:44)

  • “Is it garbage to try and trap Santa?... I set up trip wires and hidden cameras...” – Reader Dirt Head
  • Hosts share their own childhood Christmas booby traps and pranks, including accidentally injuring uncles.

• Food Debate: Dip Parties Forever (81:47)

  • “All dips, just all dips. You’re sitting there, laughing, counting your tips... that’s what it’s all about.” – Kevin (81:59)
  • “I might switch over to all dips, all the time.” – Foley (82:11)

• Secret Santa Debates:

  • Is it garbage to count a discounted item’s full value for a $50 Secret Santa minimum? The consensus: sales don’t count, but the spirit of the season does (71:35).

Notable Quote:
"Whenever you fold vegetables into a pita, that's when you know it's Christmas in an Albanian household!" – Foley (82:57)

The Finale: Twas the Night Before Garbage Christmas (83:08–End) <a name="finale"></a>

• H. Foley’s signature holiday parody poem. Bittersweet, honest, and on brand:

  “Twas the night before Christmas and all through Tuddy’s, Luke was tossing and turning, dreaming of ganja and nerd clusters and all Christmas’s goodies...”
  – H. Foley (83:30)

• The poem wraps up the episode with sentimental beats, inside jokes, forgiveness for past mess-ups, and a promise of more Are You Garbage adventures in the new year.

Notable Quotes

• “Christmas came early for a couple of guys.” – Kevin (08:30)
• “You know you love getting cozy, right? You're a cozy guy.” – Kippy (47:43)
• “If you've done your job... that ain't your fault what a retailer decides to put on sale.” – Foley (71:37)
• “That's what being a fucking dirtbag on Christmas is all about.” – Foley (52:18)
• “All dips, just all dips... that's what it's all fucking about.” – Kevin (82:11)
• “Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night. We love you.” – H. Foley (86:04)

Tone:
Irreverent, affectionate, raucous, but warm – a classic “dirtbag family” holiday with all the bruises, inside jokes, and surprisingly touching moments Are You Garbage fans know and love.

For Listeners New and Old:
You’ll get laughter, a full schedule of oddball gifting, and proof that in this crew, being a little garbage is what brings everyone (including the audience) together for the holidays.