Above Ground Pool Party! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Episode: "Above Ground Pool Party! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"
Date: July 13, 2026
Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan

---

Episode Overview

This family episode of Are You Garbage? is classic Kippy & Foley: a raucous, affectionate deep-dive into the small details that define "garbage" culture, with plenty of derailed tangents and playful ribbing. No guest, just the "bozos" breaking down the realities of suburban summer living — above-ground pools, neighbor drama, trashy drinking vessels, family mini-tragedies, and the eternal struggle to not embarrass yourself at home and in public.

---

Main Themes & Segments

1. State of the Podcast and Hosts’ Lives

• The boys riff on their podcast’s steady rise up the charts — self-deprecating as ever.
• They set the scene from Foley’s backyard, with Tooties becoming a Freemason (00:00–01:30).
  • "Find out who killed Kennedy and all that kind of stuff." — Foley (00:24)
• Foley jokes about midlife crisis behaviors: Monster Energy, vaping, Coachella plans, and obsession with Noah Kahan (02:05–03:07).
• Kippy accuses Foley of clicking off the “midlife crisis” indicators.
  • "You're very much my father after his second divorce." — Kevin (02:33)

2. Trashy Pools, Suburbs, and Neighborhood Status

• Discussion about Kevin's new $228 Walmart pool — it’s already slanted, grass is dying, neighbors are judging (05:34–08:33).
  • “It’s lot. It’s lopsided at the moment. I got about a 3-inch slope… leaking out the one side and three inches short.” — Kevin (07:09)
• One neighbor loves it, wants Kevin and Foley to jump in together.
• The “fancy” neighbor offers country club guest passes as a passive-aggressive flex.
  • “If you need a pool to go to, we have guest passes to our country club. And I was like, oh, I am OUT of my element here.” — Kevin (09:17)
• Foley reminisces about his aunt’s terrifying hillside pool — always murky, always freezing, a place he thought "Jaws lived." (07:21–08:09)

3. Homeowner's Guilt and Suburban Responsibility

• Kevin admits to letting his yard go, weeds and all (11:13–12:11).
  • "I’m really showing my ass in. I’ve been there a couple years. I can fucking..." — Kevin (11:13)
• Foley lectures about the duties of home ownership and threatens to ruin Kevin’s credit if the yard isn’t fixed (12:11–12:53).
  • "How am I going to get you to co-sign an apartment for me if the goddamn place is falling apart?" — Foley (11:40)

4. Iconic Garbage Questions

- Energy Drinks in Coffee Mugs (14:20–16:10)

- Listener asks if hiding an energy drink in a coffee mug during Zooms is garbage.
- The consensus: It’s a pro move; mugs class up almost anything.
- *"Never a wet my whistle with soda guy. I need all or nothing."* — Kevin (15:00)
- Foley admits to drinking Red Bull out of a solo cup… with lemonade.

- Obsession with Gas Prices (24:35–25:56)

- Parents constantly comment on gas prices, a universal “garbage” move.
- *"You ever see them catch diesel by accident? It’s $7."* — H. Foley (24:45)

- Not Getting a Drink at Dinner (26:15–28:10)

- Listener: Ex’s family never offered any drink, not even water, at dinner.
- Foley and Kevin both horrified — water is the absolute minimum.
- *“To not have, that’s crazy… Water for dinner as a kid? I’m not eating. Fuck you.”* — Foley (27:01)

- Best & Worst Drinking Vessels (28:04–33:00)

- Foley argues that pint glasses are trashy for soda; prefers plastic "cubbies" or novelty cups.
- Dispute over the term "cuppy" (plastic cup you love) vs. just “cup.”
- Kevin: Mason jars at home, even if used to clean paintbrushes.

---

5. Family Fridge Culture (33:08–37:39)

• Listener asks: Is it garbage to have a fridge not pushed against a wall?
• The exposed back of the fridge is “devastating to the illusion.”
  • “The back of the fridge kills all illusions.” — Foley (33:44)
• Conversation on covered fridges—magnets, kid artwork, take-out menus—"rich people" keep theirs bare.
• Foley tells family stories about crude fridge magnets and “dirty” family jokes growing up.

---

6. Table Manners & Childhood Trauma (45:13–51:10)

• Discussion of spills and yelling at kids for making messes.
  • "I would be a relatively well adjusted guy right now if I didn’t get yelled at for spills. And I truly believe that." — Kevin (45:26)
• Vows not to pass down trauma to the next generation (Kevin's “little Kipperino”).
• Foley: “Maybe I would’ve been different. I’m not blaming my parents. I mean, I’m a bitch.” (50:51)

---

7. Classic Food-Related Trash

- Croutons & Goldfish Crackers (42:44–44:16)

- Is using Goldfish as croutons garbage? Yes, but genius.
- Foley used saltines as croutons as a broke North Carolinian.
- Extended odes to late-night salad, soggy next-day croutons, and using Tupperware for cereal.

• Black olives, shredded cheese, ketchup + mayo as “homemade dressing” (44:16–45:04).

---

8. Pure Garbage: Stealing from Walmart (63:29–67:47)

• Kevin accidentally steals two big trash cans at Walmart after a self-checkout mishap.
  • "What defines stealing, by the way?" — Kevin (64:24)
• Foley and Kevin discuss the economics of self-checkout and who’s truly at fault.
  • “They knew the nature of humanity — to destroy itself.” — Foley (66:30)
• Foley tells a story of turning in a diamond ring at the laundromat, drawing the (blurry) line between right and wrong.

---

9. Full Garbage Grab Bag

• Is it garbage to freeze restaurant leftovers? (24:44, 53:24–56:57)
  • They debate food safety, the rules of thawing/refreezing, USDA conspiracy theories.
• Fun tangent about Pokémon, Home Depot food vendors (Rocco’s), and the hardware store “wars.” (57:47–62:10)
  • "Home Depot is more of a contractor store and Lowe’s is more for your average homeowner." — Kevin (62:30)

---

Notable Quotes & Moments

• On Blueberry Vape Clouds:
  • "I am going to Coachella next year. That’s weird." — Foley (03:00)
• Suburban Reality:
  • "You’re the guy with the piece of shit car in the front yard. Some weeds. I got to get a fall cleanup in there." — Kevin (11:22)
• On Hiding Energy Drinks:
  • "You can’t roll into a business meeting and crack open a Monster White." — Foley (17:13)
• On Family Table Trauma:
  • "Maybe I would have been different. I’m not blaming my parents. I mean, I’m a bitch." — Foley (50:51)
• Walmart Self-Checkout:
  • "They knew the nature of humanity—to destroy itself." — Foley (66:30)
• Country Club Notes:
  • "If you need a pool ... we have guest passes to our country club." — Neighbor via Kevin (09:25)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Podcast and Host Chitchat: 00:00–03:07
• Midlife Crisis Confessions: 02:05–03:07
• Above-Ground Pool Debacle: 05:34–09:00
• Neighborhood Encounters: 08:09–12:11
• Garbage Questions Begin: 14:20
  • Energy Drinks in Coffee Mugs: 14:20–16:10
  • Gas Prices on Vacation: 24:35–25:56
  • Drinks at Dinner: 26:15–28:10
  • Drinking Vessel Debate: 28:04–33:00
  • Fridge Placement: 33:08–37:39
  • Croutons/Goldfish in Salad: 42:44–44:16
  • Table Spills and Childhood Trauma: 45:13–51:10
  • Freezing Restaurant Leftovers: 53:24–56:57
• Walmart Theft Anecdote: 63:29–67:47

---

Closing Thoughts

This episode is a quintessential Are You Garbage? hang: a hilarious blend of shame and pride in working-class roots, messy familial affection, and nostalgia for childhoods spent dodging disaster and savoring cheap delights. Foley and Kippy’s chemistry shines, as always, with quick pivots between earnest confession and merciless ball-busting—reminding every listener that everyone’s a little bit garbage (and that’s what makes us great).

---

If you ever wondered whether drinking soda from a mason jar, hiding your Monster in a mug, or putting up a Walmart pool in the burbs made you classy or trashy—you’ll find your answer here.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is. Are you garbage sure about that? It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's good to be classy. Yeah. Or if they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash. I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She just became a freemason.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

So the kickbacks are gonna be rolling in.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[H. Foley]

Find out who killed Kennedy and all that kind of stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. That's great.

[H. Foley]

She's in.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[H. Foley]

Libby Hunt, all those guys. Mike Ghost is coming at you from across the table, as we call it, Family episode. If you're new to the program, just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He's a good pal of mine, my best friend in the whole wide world. I love him. King of the boards, king of the burbs. He's about to king everything right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not much, actually. I've been lying about those two things, if I'm being honest with you.

[H. Foley]

Kevin Ryan is here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, thanks, buddy. I love you too. Shout out to all. Shout out to everybody for tuning in, as you know. Please rate, review, subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. Spotify and the boys are climbing the frigging charts.

[H. Foley]

We're in the charts.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're on the charts.

[H. Foley]

We're there. Top 5,000 gold records or nothing like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Top 5,000 podcasts in the tri state area is not a bad. Not a bad category to be in.

[H. Foley]

Should be opening up a wawa or something. Cutting the ribbon. Wouldn't it be cool to have a gold record? Why can't we have gold records anymore? We got a plaque, plaques. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

What a gold record. Platinum plaques, dog. No one calls them. No one calls them gold records anymore. Spray paint, Diesel. Get some fucking. Get some spray.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean nobody calls them gold records anymore?

[Kevin Ryan]

They're plaques, plaques, platinum plaques. That's what they say. You're old school, you and that fucking. That jive you're talking over there.

[H. Foley]

That ain't my kind of rock and roll. Kanye West. I don't like it. Runaway is a great song. Very introspective, you know, especially for a dirt bag like me. Yeah. You know, really speaks to you. Does a little bit, to be honest with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does to the ass. You're sitting there raising your. Raising your monster energy drink.

[H. Foley]

I have been drinking A lot of energy drinks. Yeah. Energy drinks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa.

[H. Foley]

L. Theanine and heaters which I'm trying to get off of. Yeah. And I've been hitting a vape every once in a while.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good nicotine.

[H. Foley]

Vape.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh God. We've lost it.

[H. Foley]

Blueberry mint. Is that bad? If I get off the heater, is

[Kevin Ryan]

it the big one?

[H. Foley]

No. I'm not. I'm not blowing chimneys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chimneys. Blowing ooze. Blowing clouds.

[H. Foley]

You really think I'm going through a midlife crisis, don't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

One hot. I mean. I don't think so. I didn't we go. Didn't we go over on. We went over on Patreon. Like the seven top. Not red flag. The seven top indicators. And you were. You're clicking a couple of them. Just saying. And it's odd that you. You're very much my father after his second divorce. That's all I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

Okay. All I have to say that is low key. Period. Lightweight. No cap.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look over your fucking. You're in a big fucking blueberry cloud.

[H. Foley]

I am going to Coachella next year. That's weird.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Listen to a lot of Noah Khan. Is that strange? That kid who's Goddamn tickets.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ain't lying. But goddamn Patreon. Check out patreon.com if you haven't already. A lot of fun going on over friggin.

[H. Foley]

Go to pitch and you find out how bad things really are.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. That's where we give you the real feel. This is. This is like the.

[H. Foley]

You know.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is. This is the glitz, the glam. This is show biz over there is.

[H. Foley]

I'm doing great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[H. Foley]

Out of here. That.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[H. Foley]

Family's not really talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's most families aren't talking to you. If I'm being honest with you.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

Trouble in paradise down there?

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

You heard me.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

You know I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get awesome.

[H. Foley]

Patty's my only friend. She's all I got. Just came through in a big way for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh. That's not good. Whatever that is is not good if your mom's coming for you in a big way at first.

[H. Foley]

Wait, that's my mom. Officer.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's going. The drugs are mine. You're an officer? I'm undercover right now. And you're gonna blow this whole operation.

[H. Foley]

Remember when I told that homeless guy that I was a cop?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

To get him off our corner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. Our corner. He was.

[H. Foley]

He was on our corner. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not for sure. You're not Wrong. That was a very cool thing. You've done a lot of. You've done a good amount of cool things. You've done a good amount of not also cool things that you're trying to be cool.

[H. Foley]

But talk to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

That being said as I'm also. I didn't get to tell you this. I. We're going through a. There's a death in the extended family.

[H. Foley]

Really. And it is, I think I say a waspness.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you're obsessed with wasp, you know that?

[H. Foley]

Get you just in the summertime now go buy a pile of wood. I had to move a fucking table the other day that had been sitting there for I don't know how long. The folding table, man. I was just waiting for him to come get me. Just open that up and. Right in your face.

[Kevin Ryan]

And really living that rock star lifestyle.

[H. Foley]

You are living the ground too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't see him get a barrow.

[H. Foley]

I had a. I don't like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a call. We had it in the. In the yard, in the burbs.

[H. Foley]

I know you had a guy burned it out, didn't you? Would you use.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Some guy came and tried to do something that didn't work. And I went and I just raided. I said, let's go double sided. Brings me to a couple of fucking

[H. Foley]

A1 Skyhawks in there. Fucking drop some nape on them.

[Kevin Ryan]

As you know, I got. I got the pool at the. At the house.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you got a pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know why you roll your

[H. Foley]

eyes at that $300 Walmart pool in the middle of your thing. Chewing up your grass and making your neighbors all upset.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what this is about.

[H. Foley]

I got a pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not. Your mother has a pool. Maybe that's. Maybe she gave it to you. That's how she came through in a big way. You know what? It's yours.

[H. Foley]

That's all gonna be mine in a couple of years anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all. You act like it's like fucking half of Africa. Well, that's all gonna be mine.

[H. Foley]

I'm working on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Having her commit it right now, that's all good. That's all you got. I mean, you gotta chop it up with your brother. And he's got a family, so he probably gets the lion's share.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I'm getting screwed on it. Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that how she's doing it?

[H. Foley]

He handles the books too.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's probably siphoning cash. That's what I would be doing. That's what I have not been doing here at all.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I deserve it too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, by your brother?

[H. Foley]

Both of you? Yeah. Cause a lot of trouble.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been quite rude to cause you both to go bald, you know.

[H. Foley]

No, get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never, obviously. But yeah, so I got a little temperature update from both neighbors. I, you know, I threw this, you know, nice, nice part of town. I'm. I'm out of.

[H. Foley]

Have you spoken publicly about the pool? No. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, on Patreon.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Maybe throw a picture up, let the, Let the bozos.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, see what.

[H. Foley]

We're dead when we say pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a pool. It's a $228 pool from Walmart. You seen it?

[H. Foley]

How many gallons that hold 3,000. 3,000.

[Kevin Ryan]

Upwards of 3,000.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's lot. It's lopsided at the moment. You really see, I got about a 3 inch slope going. It's leaking out the one side and three inches short. Whatever.

[H. Foley]

My aunt Mary Catherine's pool was sliding down the hill in Wilkes Barre. Frightening to go into.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that was, that would freak me out.

[H. Foley]

It was on a hill, like on a. On a serious.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've seen those kind of things.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not.

[H. Foley]

I was always green and murky. That's where I thought Jaws lived, was in that pool. When I was a kid, they put me in there and there's this huge tree that, that was over it. Tree must have been like 400ft high. The monster seemed like that was a kid. And there was no sunlight that hit the pool directly. Where is this?

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking Kodiak, Alaska. What are you talking about? A 400 foot tree, a mountain tree and no sunlight.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was a tree.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like a hell of a time to take a dip.

[H. Foley]

The tree covered it over.

[Kevin Ryan]

World's worst swim, huh?

[H. Foley]

And it was freezing in there. They put you in there in the middle of August. You be shivering.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but so I check. I, you know, I took a new temperature check now that the pools up, falling apart, it's lopsided, Slanted a little bit. Whatever. It's a temporary pool. We're in a goddamn fucking heat wave. One neighbor, older gentleman was like, I love the pool. This is great. He go, he's a. Think he's a fan of the show.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna be in there. He goes icing down his joints.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's a good guy. He's like, ah, the pool's great. We, you know, this, that, you know, great, great, great. He goes, you, you know, when you take it down, he goes, you and Foley should jump in there and see if you can both like he mentioned me? Yeah, he's a fan. He's seen us live. No, hey, he's a good. Oh, that's awesome. This guy's okay.

[H. Foley]

Sounds all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think he was referring to you having a weight problem, but.

[H. Foley]

Oh, see, if only.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it was both of us. It was like a both of us type thing. You guys should get in there and

[H. Foley]

we should cut it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe they do chicken fights or something.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we should cut it and should

[Kevin Ryan]

drive the loom through it.

[H. Foley]

That loom through somewhere. Good junk.

[Kevin Ryan]

But the other neighbor, very nice guy. Great, great family.

[H. Foley]

It's the guy with the nice joint.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got a nice joint. Meticulous yard guy.

[H. Foley]

Does all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does all right. Great. And he's. He's more of what the name. He's more of what the neighborhood is versus me putting up the $228 pool in the back.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I get that vibe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Hey, Gary Buffonte here. What are you doing? That thing's got a puff to it. You're like Vinnie with the skinnies. Dad. Dude, that's crazy.

[H. Foley]

I got a good haircut. I got it. I got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, when was that? A couple years ago. Hey, you.

[H. Foley]

When I was in Cleveland, I got a fucking. I got. I got the hookup. This guy feathered it. Did it really nice. I don't know what to tell you. Man's popping okay. Popping right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great. This guy goes. He goes, yeah, the pool. I go, good. You know, we had the kids over. We got Nice staying with us. It's good for the heat wave. He goes. He goes, yeah, if. Well, if you need a pool to go to, we have guest passes to our country club. And I was like, oh, I am out of my element here. That is. That was. That was a very much like. And I respond just like, if you need it, maybe. I'm reading into it for sure. But it was like, you know, we

[H. Foley]

got you and the Roman.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got cash. We're doing all right. You don't need these, you know, these gypsy travelers coming in and fucking. Yeah, also. What's that look like? Hey, it's.

[H. Foley]

They're not like bathing in there or anything, are they?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? I get that. I'll dip in there and not maybe not show up.

[H. Foley]

Do you have a clothesline out back? Are you doing that yet?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Okay. You cooking anything back there?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean cooking? A couple of things. You are at the grill. I had the pizza last night.

[H. Foley]

You don't have like last night. You don't have like a. Like a cauldron of anything going out there, do you?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's in the basement. Everybody knows you keep.

[H. Foley]

You're not doing any taxidermy out there in the backyard.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we're not that. But it's. I'm.

[H. Foley]

I'm really jerky hanging. Don't lie to me. You got a smokehouse back there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Outhouse, shithouse, flophouse. I'm really starting to show my ass in. I'm comfortable now. I've been there a couple years. Like I can fucking.

[H. Foley]

You're the guy with the piece of shit car.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm the guy. The piece of shit car in the front yard. Some weeds. I got to get. I got to get a fall clean. I got to get a summer cleanup in there.

[H. Foley]

You haven't done that yet?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Listen, there's a certain responsibility that goes in being a homeowner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. Aren't I on your lease at the moment?

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

You really Don't. Don't. Fucking funny you mentioned don't.

[H. Foley]

Well, how am I going to get you to co sign an apartment for me if the goddamn place is falling apart? They go and check that shit. You're fucking up my money now. I can't have that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you fucked up your money. That's why you need a co signer.

[H. Foley]

You got to clean that goddamn yard up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm trying, man. But also I am who I am. Fucking keeping up with the Joneses, keeping up with the kippies. King of the burbs coming at this fall.

[H. Foley]

This guy's not happy.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's not?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think he was also. I was just saying, yeah, it's been nice. And I think he was like, well, if you ever want it, we got it.

[H. Foley]

It's just go down, scout out of here. Does that extend to me too? These guest passes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure you'll find the way. Hey, listen, Cue ball lives next door. I handle a lot of his day to day business.

[H. Foley]

Heard you're upset about the pool. So am I. Best thing to do. Let me get into this country club of yours and see what's what. I do a lot of. I do a lot of sniffing things out for Mr. Ryan's business. Was it a country club? Just a swim club.

[Kevin Ryan]

No country club.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I have to discuss more off air. I love a country club. I just like the lunch there. I've only been to one once and I worked at one when I was a kid. I Cedar Brook Country Club. I went and had my friend Laura took me there to have crab Cakes and actually I ate there a second time with my sister in law.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[H. Foley]

Not with the whole family. Not just my sister.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, clarifying that doesn't make it weirder. For some reason nobody assumed it was. Even if it was just you two. That's not weird. It's your sister in law.

[H. Foley]

It was when we met. When we met their. Their family. When my brother and her were dating.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, how bad were you Sweating. Fucking shirt button, dirty shirt.

[H. Foley]

I don't know why I was there. Should I have been there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, the family's meat.

[H. Foley]

But I was single at the time. It was just me so wearing my dad's jacket.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, what? Yeah, no, the families meet. Yeah, for sure. That's what they do. Hey, everybody comes over, you come over, you meet everybody. Wouldn't it be weird if you weren't there and everybody else in the family was there and they go isn't there someone else?

[H. Foley]

But shouldn't that be the cut. Shouldn't that be the couple? Their parents. Yeah, the couple and their parents. Not the siblings.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? Yes, she's going to be your sister in law.

[H. Foley]

Oh, she is my sister.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know but at the time she's going to be. Yeah, everybody meets. Not a big social butterfly, are you?

[H. Foley]

I. Lately I have been very hanging out.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's very true. That's great.

[H. Foley]

Doing my thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

All that said, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we'll read your garbage question and the friggin air. Speaking of, we touched on this a bit. This is from drugs and a Tony. Great name. $10 Bite and Sipper. Never have one read. This is fresh on my mind since I just did this moments ago. Is it garbage to drink your energy drink out of a coffee mug while in a business meeting in order to look more professional?

[H. Foley]

I tell you what, you throw anything in a coffee mug, you're looking good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Throw anything in a titties mug, that's. You're looking even better. That's. Are you garbage.com?

[H. Foley]

is that just water? Is that coffee?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Is that water or coffee?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's coffee.

[H. Foley]

Is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I like drinking a soda out of a coffee mug with ice in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're just not big.

[H. Foley]

I get that giveaway though. Sure. Sometimes you just want to sip.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never just want. I'm never a wet my whistle with soda guy.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

I need all or nothing, huh? Yeah. I do the big mason jars at home. I got a big mason jar. Fill that. That's like. That's probably like maybe 20 something ounces, that cheesesteak. Big order of french fries going too.

[H. Foley]

You've been hitting the cheesesteaks hard, dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. It's a summer, Kippy. You know what I mean? What do you want from me? Best summer ever.

[H. Foley]

Get your blood work done. Check out the cholesterol and all that stuff. Yeah, what's that?

[Kevin Ryan]

We'll be back at 11. Yeah, it's not great. I'm fine.

[H. Foley]

It's your LDL.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I'm okay. It's the same problem I had two years ago when I got my three.

[H. Foley]

They don't want to put you on nothing. Little statin.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm still waiting. Nah, they said exercise. They said lifestyle can change it. It's just that.

[H. Foley]

Did they recommend the cheesesteaks? I'm just curious.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm intermittent fasting. Three cheesesteaks from 12 to noon and 28 ounces of Diet Coke.

[H. Foley]

It's very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's something trashy out of a 2

[H. Foley]

liter too, even though I'm drinking one right now. I know, it's crazy. I'm leaning more towards the energy drink than ever. At night I'm having them, you know what I mean? Because I'm not boozing.

[Kevin Ryan]

So like if I'm out, that's. Dude, that's. Every recovery guy's sucks. Every dude. Every guy I grew up with who's in has been in and out of recovery. If you know, you can tell how they're doing by the time of day, they'll crack a Red Bull and have a heater. If they're doing Red Bull and Newports, you for sure are in a program. You just got out of a halfway house.

[H. Foley]

Relapse warning coming in on the TV like a fucking. Like a tornado.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's. That's a big one. The Red Bull and a heater.

[H. Foley]

The other night I made a mixed drink with it. I put a little lemonade and a Red Bull in a solo cup.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

I was like. I put it down. I was like, it's too close to the sun.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, there's something about holding. Holding the Red Bull can in the same hand as the heater is a. Is a. Oh, it's the best, But I respect that. Listen, you're a dirt bag, but you're keeping up appearances. That's what the show's all about.

[H. Foley]

Because you can't roll into a business meeting and crack open a Monster white.

[Kevin Ryan]

But isn't there something like, man, this guy, you gotta this guy plays by his own rules. There's something to that in corporate culture. Bunch of squares, you come in fucking cut off, T shirt, pair of slacks.

[H. Foley]

That guy gets fired.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

He's probably not top dog on a totem pole. That's why if you're top dog, you can roll with it with a can of Diet Coke and be a big shot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but how do you become top dog? You let these motherfuckers know you're here for business.

[H. Foley]

Okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I would say. I once was interviewing somebody for a job back when I worked a really shitty job and I had to hire canvassers to go door to door. This guy, this guy, this guy dropped three.

[H. Foley]

I like your style.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy dropped three F bombs in the interview. And I went, you got moxie. The job's yours.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but you stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you talking about?

[H. Foley]

I did, and you stunk.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then I signed up. I remember being in an art.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't fucking know, Kevin. You know, you get a lot of fucking jerk offs in here. Probably tell you what you want.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's going, who the fuck hired you? I had an argyle sweater on that. I thought I was like Johnny cool guy. V neck with a white. With a white collar, like a white tee under it, selling.

[H. Foley]

Wait, was it a V neck? Was it a sweater vest?

[Kevin Ryan]

No sweater. V neck. The sleeves were too long because I had to get a wider body. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Argyle and paisley hit hard for my generation. A paisley tie, slipping off their seats. Argyle socks. I still rock argyle socks sometimes with my sneakers. I like the way. I like the way dress socks feel, and I like the way gym socks look. You know what I'm saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a complicated guy, you know that, Hank?

[H. Foley]

You don't like a pair of dress socks with a pair of sneakers?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. I'm too. My feet are too blown out anymore. I need. I need a good support. Thin sock? Nah, thin. I need even that extra layer of sock. Otherwise, my.

[H. Foley]

They sweat through, though. They're bad. But man, they feel good when you first put them on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need a gold toe. A gold, Gold toe socks.

[H. Foley]

Is that a thing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Really? Who does them?

[Kevin Ryan]

Gold toe, I believe, is the brand.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think so.

[H. Foley]

I always thought that was just a coincidence that they were gold. I've seen them, okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

This isn't a competition. Lying like a guy who's never seen. I seen them. Talk about seeing a movie. Yeah, no, he had a go to with the guy with the. With the Floor bin.

[H. Foley]

That Star wars with the dog. Yeah, it's up. What they did today?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dustin Hoffman in Star Wars. Gold toe's a brand, right? Probably you knocked off left and right.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah. Because I know I ain't got no Chinese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably are you can't stop them and those Chinese.

[H. Foley]

11 knockoff. Don't they killing it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I used to work over here at 59th and Park.

[H. Foley]

I know back in the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Used to pick my. Pick me upstairs where he used to hang out front smoking cigarettes away from me so we could split a pizza.

[H. Foley]

You never let me in the building either.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not my building.

[H. Foley]

I could come up and said, hey.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you couldn't.

[H. Foley]

Seinfeld always went into Elaine's job. I could have walked in there, could have got to know some people. The secretary talking, me, I get a job.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're no Jerry. Okay, whatever. I was on a weird. When he went to Mr. Pitt's house. That was very weird. It's a house office.

[H. Foley]

Sure showed up there, popped in, so did Kramer. It's fucking nuts, huh? I'd have thrown him out, the dogs on him.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you want to come into my place of work? What am I supposed to say when you come here?

[H. Foley]

This is my.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're sitting in the lobby.

[H. Foley]

Is there a lobby? I could have sat in the lobby and read a magazine and waited for you. I'm just waiting for somebody. Who? Kevin.

[Kevin Ryan]

What business do you have with Kevin?

[H. Foley]

Business?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's gonna co sign.

[H. Foley]

We got an open mic later.

[Kevin Ryan]

We gotta get down to the Village and bark tourist into a show.

[H. Foley]

Well, the way the business that we run operates he keeps the heaters and I bum them off.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have the lighter. So we have to be together to enjoy them separation.

[H. Foley]

Just keep typing and tell Mr. Ryan that Dr. Foley is here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now, where's all this orange juice? I've heard orange juice as far as the eye can see, Kibby.

[H. Foley]

Warby Parker, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Warby, Warby, Warby. Placker.

[H. Foley]

Warby Parker has been a lifesaver to me. Now, as you know, I'm a contacts and eyeglasses man. I go to the other joints. As you know, it's hassle this, it's hassle that. They don't got the right size, they don't got the right styles. End up walking out there looking like you're teaching third grade math. Not there's anything wrong with that, but in the 1970s, you look at gabozo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Young cool guy like you need a little style of style.

[H. Foley]

Dude. You can do the. You go over to the website. You do the virtual. Try them on. All right. Contacts, eyeglass, whatever you need. Warby Parker, you have regular sunglasses over there. You don't need a prescription. Fantastic. Do yourself a favor. You want to look cool, you want to save a little money, you want to be in style, you want to have a quality product, you go, warby packet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Warby Parker is now the one stop shop for all your eye needs. They got eye exams, they got glasses, contact sunglasses. You don't have to piece it together anymore. Running parking, running in, getting a pad of paper, sign this, take this over there, wait in line like an idiot. And they have over 300 retail stores across the u friggin s right now. Buy one pair of glasses and get 20% off any additional [e-mail] garbage that's warbyparker.com garbage 20% off any additional, any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at warby parker.com/garbage. Do it.

[H. Foley]

Do it, Kevin. Talk about factor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Factor.

[H. Foley]

Now listen, it's the summertime. You got a lot going on. You're trying to keep that set, that beach bod going a little bit. What are you gonna do? Late night pizzas, fat ass. What are you gonna do, huh? You're gonna do factor.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

Two minutes, microwave, bang. They got all kinds of selections. You could do GLP friendly ones. GLP one friendly. You do the keto, the protein, whatever you want. Not to mention they've really upped the ante a little bit. They do the snacks, they do the breakfast, they do this, they do that, gang. If you're looking to lose a little bit of weight, if you're looking to keep it healthy, if you're looking to keep it nutritious, you're looking to keep it delicious. Get on that factor.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. Factor helps you hit your nutrition goals this season without planning grocery runs or cooking. You're not. I got to do the deja. I got to do that. Listen, you throw it on a pan so good. Two, three minutes out the frigging door. It's got meals designed by dietitians and crafted by chefs, delivered right to your door. Factor has meals built around your goals, whether it's weight loss, overall Nutrition, more protein, GLP1 support for strength and workout recovery. Check out Factor's muscle pro collection. I've been a fan of factor since I've been using factor since before they were a sponsor. For years, it's helped me at different parts of my time. Gotta keep it down. Gotta save some cash. Here. Gotta stop eating out this whole thing. They, they, they, they, they. They help you in many different ways. So head to factor meals.com garbage50off and use code garbage50OFF to get 50% off and free daily greens per box with new subscription only while supplies last until 9. 27. 26. See website for more details. Do it. All right, let's see here. This one's from Kippy's classmate, the horse. That's a deep cut. Is it garbage? A comment on the gas price while you're on vacation. Dang. It's $0.40 cheaper here than back home.

[H. Foley]

That's all my mother does.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all they do. You reach a certain age and it's like cheaper at Wawa always. I'll get a Wawa look at their gas.

[H. Foley]

You ever see them catch diesel by accident?

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy shit. It's $7.

[H. Foley]

It's diesel. Ma. You're not a fucking truck driver, so relax.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's a big. That was always a big thing. The price of gas.

[H. Foley]

Price of gas.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I remember the big threshold was when it crossed a dollar. That was really. Yeah, I remember.

[H. Foley]

You remember when gas was under a dollar?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was probably. Look at. Look at the timeline on that Is probably. I was driving.

[H. Foley]

That's funny because I.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it was probably 2000. Probably 2000. 2001.

[H. Foley]

Really? It was under a dollar.

[Kevin Ryan]

I believe so. I believe I remember the one when it was at $1.29 and everybody was. Minds were blown.

[H. Foley]

I feel like I remember gas always being like two bucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got? 1996. On average it was a dollar fifteen.

[H. Foley]

So I'm sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe I'm thinking. Maybe I'm then thinking $1.90. Maybe to two. Like it was under. It was always a dollar something.

[H. Foley]

Maybe you're thinking of the price of McFlurry's.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's a barrel selling for today? It's a barrel McFlurry trading for.

[H. Foley]

On the Hong Kong market it'd be up.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's from Caleb. Never have one read $10. Foley fanatic. Let's go.

[H. Foley]

Let's go. Thanks, pal. I appreciate the support.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it garbage? I need it. Please hit me up for. I have some Sage Financial.

[H. Foley]

I love you too, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have an investment opportunity for you. Please hit me up at 1-800-BUGMAN. We should buy that.

[H. Foley]

Oh, there you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never have one red. Is it garbage if your ex girlfriend's family never has a drink with their me? Not even water. First dinner over there we had pork chops. I was parched. That's something I gotta wash down.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

I'll sometimes sit down with the. Like, I'll hold off on the soda. If I'm really hungry, I'll hold off and taking that first sip before I break the seal because I know I'm going to crush it. But to not have, that's. That's crazy. Imagine going over somebody's house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also. This guy's like, not even water. Like, water. I know, but water's so. He's not wrong. But like, you know, at that point, he's like, I'll take anything. He even got water back there.

[H. Foley]

Water for dinner as a kid. I'm not eating. Fuck you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't do that.

[H. Foley]

Now get the fuck out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sparkling. I gotta do a La Croix or something. Something with a little fucking kick to it.

[H. Foley]

I'd hate those nights in my mind, like, you're just drinking water.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck. That's never happened in my household.

[H. Foley]

But here's the thing. You get that smell on the glass because you know, I'm mixing and matching. You know, I'm a. You know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You also see your floaters, too, in a way. Big water. You get that oil slick on top, especially from a pork chop. That's a juicy. That's it. That's got some fucking oils to it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, dude, I can't fucking have that. Then you go to smell and it smells like fish or something. The water would. You know, the bacteria in your mouth. Fucking gross. Yeah. Plus water back in the day stunk. It really did. It wasn't good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know you're not. I mean, listen, I didn't.

[H. Foley]

Fucking freezer ice cubes that smell like coleslaw. Get the fuck out of here. Get the crystal light or I'm fucking leaving.

[Kevin Ryan]

This might be a hard take. I can feel you really fucking pushing back on this. Me, I never like drinking out of the plastic cups such as. Just anything really.

[H. Foley]

Like a cuppy.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you know? What do you mean? Like, what's a cuppy? What do you. What? What's a cuppy? Like a sippy cup? No, what's a cuppy?

[H. Foley]

Like a cup?

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell me. Tell me right now. You know, you can see it in your head. You got one envisioned in your head. What's a cuppy?

[H. Foley]

You don't know what a cuppy is

[Kevin Ryan]

with the handles on it that can't spill? Yeah, the little kipirino just got one.

[H. Foley]

No, a cuppy is like a cup For a cup. Like a cup. Like a plastic cup that like maybe

[Kevin Ryan]

something from, like the movies or something.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, like a novelty cup that's, like, worn away a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I.

[H. Foley]

You don't call that a cuppy? You don't have a favorite cup? Thought we talked about this years ago and built a show on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen.

[H. Foley]

Yes, a cuppy. You know, like an old McDonald's cup or something like that. Or like.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I'd probably call it a cup. Yeah, call it cuppy. Mm. Call cuppy. I don't. We had these big flyers. Cups. I get the plastic cups and I get. I get the taste of detergent in there. It sticks around. I don't. But like that. There's just smell.

[H. Foley]

The smell of.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's just something messy about it. The floaters. It just. The stain. I don't know. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Who the fuck are you?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Maybe I'm just thinking now, maybe I did like it as a kid.

[H. Foley]

I just got your mason jar. I'll give you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Something trashy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, for sure. I also. You want to know real trashy? I've cleaned paintbrushes in said mason jar that I still. A little bit of paint on the outside of it. I still use it. That's not bad for you, is it?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, be a pussy. Check with doctor.

[H. Foley]

You got all that cascade in you. You're fine.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, right?

[H. Foley]

Is that what you use?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah. Since the broad we're doing seventh generation, which ain't bad. It scratches the itch, but it ain't no case gate.

[H. Foley]

I use that in the shower. I'm out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Use that to exfoliate a little bit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody asked the question. I was like, do you ever use shampoo as body wash or something? I was like. I was like, buddy, this. What I mean, that's.

[H. Foley]

That smells better.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's entry level shit, I'll use. Dude, I'd use Dawn as fucking jerk

[H. Foley]

off with conditioner before.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What are you, 11? Who ain't fucking done at.

[H. Foley]

Keeps the pubes nice and smooth, too. The worst cup to drink out of by far, I hate to say it, is the pint glass.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy to me.

[H. Foley]

Pint glass with a soda in it. It stinks. It's never good. Luke, you with me?

[Kevin Ryan]

You just shit on me a couple weeks ago for having that take. Wait, you don't like it either? No, because the pint glass doesn't give you enough. And it's with the ice.

[H. Foley]

It's something the pintl.

[Kevin Ryan]

So what do you want?

[H. Foley]

I'LL tell you right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just said you like a mug of soda. You just said you like a coffee mug full of soda. You don't like a pint glass.

[H. Foley]

I don't like pint glasses anymore. I'm just over them.

[Kevin Ryan]

What does that even mean?

[H. Foley]

I'm just over pint glasses.

[Kevin Ryan]

And what don't you like about it?

[H. Foley]

I don't like the shape. I don't like the way. What it does to the soda. I don't like the way they wrap these candles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ayg.

[H. Foley]

Civil war.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's wrap these candles. I came here. I don't want to fight today. I don't want to fight today. You drop. So then what? What's the alternative?

[H. Foley]

There's different cups out there now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like what?

[H. Foley]

They're different. I'd rather have a. I'd rather drink soda out of a Stella Chalice, which. Those are great. You put a glass of milk in one of those white girls has kind

[Kevin Ryan]

of got those watch Stella kind of.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stone cold.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Stella glass. We go out to breakfast, right? Me and you. We go out to breakfast a lot together.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, right. I don't like the fucking pint glasses.

[Kevin Ryan]

So what do you want? What do you want a restaurant to

[H. Foley]

give you plastic cup? A cuppy would be cool, but the

[Kevin Ryan]

plastic cups are relatively.

[H. Foley]

My Ron Hextall cup up, it's all bent.

[Kevin Ryan]

You bring your own cup.

[H. Foley]

I knew a guy that did that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I know a guy that hang out with a lot of.

[H. Foley]

I knew smash martyrs. I knew a guy back at Martell's that got smashed in the face with something when he was younger and he only drank out of. He would bring cases of styrofoam cups with straws and lids in his trunk. And that's what he always had his drink.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drinking Lean. Who is he? Lil Wayne. What's in my cup telling you. Yeah. Okay. So I guess I would. I see what you're saying. I guess I was my hand up. I was wrong here. Those plastic cups are just effectively plastic pint cups to pint glasses. To me, they're like the same size and shape.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're just. You don't like that. Okay. I'm saying in compared to the Stella Chalice, as you said, the plastic cup and the pint glass are about the same. About the same shape.

[H. Foley]

You got a Stella. You steal a Stella Chalice from a bar, you bring it home, you wash it out, throw it in the freezer. Okay. Next day I want you to grab a fresh gallon, vitamin D, milk, whole Whole shake it up. Yeah, shake.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like to shake.

[H. Foley]

Pour it in. You enjoy your cinnamon raisin toast with that. And you're talking about a good way to start the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Piece of test. I feel you, dog. I feel you. All right, let's see. This one's from big boy Roy Tenda. Ten, this is. He's in British Pounds. Hello, British rubbish bloke. Ever seen a fridge that's not against a wall? My mate's dad had one at the end of the breakfast bar with the back on full display and it was dusty as shit. And before you ask, of course he had cereal boxes on top of that. John, shout out to you for using. John, shout out to your mate's dad for being a fucking full blooded dirtbag.

[H. Foley]

The back of the fridge kills all illusions. It's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, because that's the intake taking in air. So it's just.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to see it.

[Kevin Ryan]

There is a level of dust you can't get off. That's on there. Yeah, that's like. That's like hair on a dog. You can't get that off. Bad, bad.

[H. Foley]

That's nuts. I like when they started doing the fucking. Like the fridges are like in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now.

[H. Foley]

That's big. It's like in the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

In like this. You.

[H. Foley]

It's like my mom has one like. Like a knockoff one. Like. Like the.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's got a piece of like the fridge.

[H. Foley]

Like a little dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I got that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got that on the one side.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I think. What are you. Yours is probably building.

[H. Foley]

You can't even see.

[Kevin Ryan]

It just got redone like three years ago. Right. Real nice.

[H. Foley]

Does it look like. It looks like a drawer or something?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's still just a fridge, but it's. It's just all silver stainless steel and what do you got at your apartment? Can you see? Oh, my fridge stinks. It's got. But it's. Do you have one of them little fucking New York Times built in?

[H. Foley]

I have a little college boy, keeps the Gatorades ice cold, which I switched over to Gatorade. Zero. Not too bad. Not bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Scratches the itch.

[H. Foley]

Scratches the itch. I got the eight pack of the orange. I'm all orange now. Orange Gatorade. That's it. Only got my house. Orange Gatorade and water. That's like the bunch of L. Theanine pills. Theanine. It's a supplement. Not on drugs. Kevin, Luke, Brian.

[Kevin Ryan]

My drugs, please. That. That's. That's pretty wild work. Is being able to see. The fuck is here, man. We've been getting people. Oh, people have been running in and out. Who is it? The Uber eats lady?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That she sticks both of us with it. That I never thought about. That's very telling. How much of your fridge you can see? Yeah, like if you can see. Cuz my old. Yeah, that's.

[H. Foley]

It was just the. The counter range.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can see. I'll give you. You shouldn't be able to see. You should be able to see the front. And I'll give you maybe one side now.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck.

[H. Foley]

What? That's. So it used to run. The counter would stop. Be a Formica counter. The counter would stop and it had that flap on the end that always came loose. Know what I'm talking about? The little piece of COVID that was always on the end of a Formica countertop that would pop open the elbow here. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. I got that on. I could. Dude, I got that on my fucking coffee table right now.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Real bad coffee. You get some gorilla glue? Nah, Gorilla glue didn't hold it. What I went with just clear packing tape. Right now I'm pretty jammed up.

[H. Foley]

Jesus.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I'm trying to get my shit together, man. I got a baby. He's running around. I got a lot of time.

[H. Foley]

The side of the fridge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Plus I have a child.

[H. Foley]

The sinister baby. The side of the fridge was always for like the letters and stuff. Put the little kitschy stuff there. Yeah, you got all this in the front. I used to like when the side was showing. We have a little side showing now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, my mom. I get that. I think. I think the. The fridge covering technology has escalated. I think that's now a thing where you'll let people cover it up. Yeah, cover it up.

[H. Foley]

Not a lot of people put on their fridge anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

It seems we're all. All fridge all day long. My wife's a bit of a packer. I keep a lot of stuff.

[H. Foley]

Tickets and all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tickets?

[H. Foley]

Not tickets.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got pictures. We got like. Yeah, just kind of shit postcards or like Christmas cards from neighbors.

[H. Foley]

Your parents have that on their fridge?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got like wedding invites though though. Yeah, you gotta. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

But your parents don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah. N clean.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, rich folk clean.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, our fridges have always been covered.

[H. Foley]

I still have hedro theater stickers on mine.

[Kevin Ryan]

From hanging on to the glory.

[H. Foley]

I'm not. My mom is run.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never say who runs in a family. I remember we had. We got it for my Uncle John's 50th birthday. This is a hundred years ago. It was a magnet that we never gave to him and says, I'm 50 and everything works well, most of the time. In parentheses. A dick joke. That was on my. That was on Denise's fridge my whole entire life. I might have been eight. That was just there to the point where, like, I. I remember seeing it and remember learning what it was.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we had this little wooden thing on our counter growing up that said there was a picture of a sailor, like, holding his. Holding his junk. And it said, sailors don't die. They just get a little dinghy. And we're like, what the fuck does

[Kevin Ryan]

that bunch of freaks in this house see?

[H. Foley]

My dad's got a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

You. You're telling me mine's not going to grow either? This is how you did. How you drop that shit on me? It's genetic. I still wait on a growth spurt. You're 22.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[H. Foley]

Things are a little different.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Back in the day, I remember my parents. My mom took me to see. Just Waxed Away. They took me to see something about Mary. What year did that come out? Your mom did in theaters.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

Down ashore.

[H. Foley]

Oh, just to shut you up.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's raining. Ah, Ain't nothing to do with a bunch of.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, your mom saw something about Mary.

[Kevin Ryan]

My mom, my mom, my Aunt Karen.

[H. Foley]

Were they laughing?

[Kevin Ryan]

We were dying. I knew something about.

[H. Foley]

I just watched that recently.

[Kevin Ryan]

What year?

[H. Foley]

I love Mary, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

98. So I was 12.

[H. Foley]

That's prime time.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's to why. I mean, my nana showed it to me when I was eight.

[H. Foley]

Your nana?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's her favorite movie. It's your nana's favorite movie?

[H. Foley]

Probably. Mary Jane was your grandmother's name.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, shit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was. What's your grandfather's name? Panama Red? Crazy Mary Jane Dempsey.

[Kevin Ryan]

Furbag. Fur burger ain't done.

[H. Foley]

Fur burger? What are you talking about? Well, okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you talking about?

[H. Foley]

Ew, that's gross.

[Kevin Ryan]

A fur burger. I'll go get your cuppy. Ew, that's gross. Hey, you and your little dinghy. Why don't you zip it, okay?

[H. Foley]

I share too much.

[Kevin Ryan]

Always comes back to bite me in the ass.

[H. Foley]

Kevin. Talk about square, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm talking square, baby.

[H. Foley]

Dang, if you don't know, Square is the platform behind the scenes of so many businesses you already love. Whether someone's selling smoothies, cutting hair, fixing bikes, or running a boutique, Square gives them one connected system to take payments, manage inventory, run payroll, send invoices, and track it all in one place. This isn't just a point of sale. Square includes hardware that works in person and on the go. Software for managing staff, marketing and customer insights. Banking tools like Square checking to get paid instantly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, businesses love it because it's like running a business makes it feel like less than. It makes it feel a little less. Like putting out the fires. It simplifies all the messy stuff. It works for one location shops. Business with multiple teams and service area connects it all through it. Real seller stat. Businesses using Square Online earn 36% more revenue on average. Take that to the bank. Yeah, men lie, women lie. These numbers ain't freaking lying. Square isn't just fast. It's smart, transparent and built for the way people actually run their businesses. There's no contracts, no hidden fees. We use Square. There's no complemented complicated installs. Just tools that accept every major payment method. Tap chip, apple pay online let you see sales and inventory. That's how we track stuff on the road real time across every fricking channel. If you're starting a business or running one, that deserves better tools. Square helps you sell, manage and grow without slowing down. Right now you can get up to $200 off square hardware at square.com go garbage. That's sq U-A-R-E.com geo/garbage. Run your business smarter with Square. Get started today.

[H. Foley]

Do it. You're great at protecting your data, but lots of places could still expose you to identity theft.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought it was safe. If that happens, LifeLock gives you a

[H. Foley]

US based restoration agent who will stick by your side from start to finish. Phone calls, filing documentation, preparing insurance claims. Your agent handles it all. In fact, we're so confident Rest restoration is guaranteed for your money back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Isn't it nice to have someone like

[H. Foley]

that on your side? Save up to 30 with promo code [e-mail] terms apply.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's from Woodster. I felt like we might have done this, but then I don't think we did. I think it was something else. You ever use Goldfish crackers as croutons? Bonus points if they're flavor blasted.

[H. Foley]

I feel like we have. That's big.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it was something else though.

[H. Foley]

Cheez its.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe it might have something. It was something else.

[H. Foley]

When I lived in North Carolina, I was on a steady diet of a mixed bag of lettuce, balsamic vinegar and fucking. I used saltines as croutons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that was something for me. Croutons have been like a fat kid. Ingenuity for me of the fact that I can eat Croutons without a salad and that. It's really just.

[H. Foley]

You're good.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not that far from a goldfish.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not that far from a cheese.

[H. Foley]

It. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, it's right there.

[H. Foley]

Get that fucking garlic herb. Garlic herb Parmesan croutons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were. They're so. They were like, so much more well documented on the. On the program. Fat kid move, learning that. But they were so decadent. Like the. My. I don't know if they were, like Caesar dressing, something. You know, there were a lot of. They were. These things were flavor blasted. And I remember being like, I'll do one or two to hold me and just like, keep going back to that.

[H. Foley]

You know what always sucked? Get a salad or something like that. You threw it in the fridge, the next day you go to hit it and you catch a crouton. It's like eating a little sponge. They're completely.

[Kevin Ryan]

I also. We were living different lives. You think I'm eating salads, putting the fridge, and then that's what I'm going back to.

[H. Foley]

I used to love that salad. The next day. Rush it till you catch a soggy crouton and I'm out. I'm out. Yeah, we always had a pretty steady supply of croutons in the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Of course. My dad was a salad guy. Like, salads. Usually it was his homemade dressing of ketchup and mayonnaise and fucking tons of shredded cheese. Tons of croutons and black olives.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Loved black. If he came home late, it'd be. That looks so good. Set it up nice. A lot of black pepper on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

The only times you've said that. How many times I've heard black. I come home late, black, Al. A lot of pepper. That's her. Go with pepper. You ever see a dad do pepper? There's a good Seinfeld. A dad. Pull a pepper. Little pepper.

[H. Foley]

Pepper makes it look nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember watching my dad, I thought. Thinking I wasn't old enough to eat cereal out of Tupperware. He would do that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like a big man's big square one. Something you'd put like. You know, something big.

[H. Foley]

You know why most of the time you couldn't. Is you'd spill it because, you know, the. The grab the. I don't have the title shift.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

The milk goes to one side. It was. Oh, I didn't have.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't have the hand strength to pull off a.

[H. Foley]

Then you got screamed at, spilling cereal on the couch. A full bowl of cereal on the couch. What? The

[Kevin Ryan]

spills. I would. I would be a relatively well adjusted guy right now if I didn't get yelled at for spills. And I truly believe that.

[H. Foley]

What do you think you're gonna do when it comes to the little kipperino?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't care. I don't care. I told you we had a pool party. This great pool I have, I have this pool party. I saw this girl come in. She hopped right out of the pool, walked right into the house, didn't grab a towel.

[H. Foley]

A little girl or a woman?

[Kevin Ryan]

A little girl, like.

[H. Foley]

Any chicks at that party? Hey, I'm just curious.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean chicks? Did I have girls from the neighborhood to come by? No, we had fucking friends and family were at the house. Women who were married with children. Any chicks at the party? Is that what kind of life you're living? Monster energy drink and only orange Gatorade. Any chicks?

[H. Foley]

You do get my tattoo suit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No. I'm a goddamn father thinking about getting it. Yeah. You're what? You're going. You think I'm in a midlife crisis? Any I told you about?

[H. Foley]

I only got a chain with a lock on it. Gib. Suit. Any two pieces rolling around in that house? No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Really? I'm just curious.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are obsessed with pussy. It's crazy. It's actually crazy. What do you mean? What am I talking about? You want to hear?

[H. Foley]

I'm painting a picture for the goddamn. I'm doing it for you. I'm painting a picture for the audience.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put some in your spank bag. It was a goddamn fourth of July party for. For kids.

[H. Foley]

So it wasn't a grown woman that walked into the house?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Okay, well, that's a kid's. Dude, is she being normal? Shut the fuck up. I know you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shut the fuck.

[H. Foley]

Okay, but I'm just saying, you're out at dinner.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm out at dinner.

[H. Foley]

Ten years from now, you're out at dinner?

[Kevin Ryan]

Things are going well? Yeah, I'm doing all right.

[H. Foley]

You're out at dinner, Kiparino, busting your balls for another show. Not 10 years. Let's say eight years. So he's 10. It's six years, he's eight.

[Kevin Ryan]

None of these numbers are making sense.

[H. Foley]

What is he, a year?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

All right, so seven years from now, he's 14.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I got you. Hey, stop doing math. I got you. He just says seven years from now,

[H. Foley]

you're out at a crowded restaurant.

[Kevin Ryan]

1992.

[H. Foley]

It's not going well. All right? The service sucks. You drove There. You and the wife are a little tiff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what's going on. It's not great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Picture what I go through.

[H. Foley]

Sex life is down. You're a little more balder.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's chicks at the bar already. Chicks at this restaurant. Any fucking hot tail running around. I'm just trying to paint a picture. Am I picturing myself throwing my wife into traffic and then at the bar killing it?

[H. Foley]

I got a Blue Hawaiian.

[Kevin Ryan]

I look over, there's fucking a bunch of broads hanging all over Alex over there. You're doing body shots. Yeah, and I'm sitting there like a fucking married schmendrick with my fucking snot nosed fat kid. It won't stop breaking my balls.

[H. Foley]

And he knocks over.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Patreon's down.

[H. Foley]

Knocks over his soda.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You're not gonna. God damn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna go over. I'm gonna grab you by the cop.

[H. Foley]

What'd I do?

[Kevin Ryan]

Something I don't.

[H. Foley]

Kippy. Take it easy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't touch her. Regardless of what that two diamond says. What? I don't know. We're having a good time.

[H. Foley]

I'm having a good time. You're over there sitting there.

[Kevin Ryan]

My ball's broken. We got a minivan out front. It's about to get towed.

[H. Foley]

You got your snake cooked wrong. You're freaking out. Excuse me. I said medium well. God damn it. They screw you at these places. There's no way we're getting out of here with less than 100 bucks. I'm killing it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm wrapping up the dinner rolls. I'm asking for more bread right before the end.

[H. Foley]

Hey Kimmy, I'll see you on Monday, huh? Me and some of the girls are going pull happen later. I stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I stinking that you're doing

[H. Foley]

what family loves you enjoy yourself. I up the steak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would get what triggers me and I think what triggered our family. And I know what triggered is like the embarrassment and like making work for Wasn't that embarrassing.

[H. Foley]

Why did they get so.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm just saying that's what I would. You're going. Fuck. We're here.

[H. Foley]

Jesus fucking Christ. I can't do anything. It's a fucking Shirley Temple, man. Take it easy. You look like I knocked over your fucking Lowen Brow. You're still going to get your fucking clam strips and coleslaw. What the. Is it really worth that you killed a whole vibe of the goddamn meal. I got fish and chips coming.

[Kevin Ryan]

Had fish and chips. 86 chips. Yeah. I don't think I will. I don't want to be that. I. I so desperately don't want to be that guy. So I probably overcorrect. I probably start spilling myself, you know what I mean? Hey, don't worry about it. Smash my beer over. Smash it on your head.

[H. Foley]

It's fine.

[Kevin Ryan]

See? Everything's okay. I'm not gonna yell at you. My neck's pulsating, Daddy. Yeah, I'll probably go.

[H. Foley]

That's a really good thing. That's a. That's a really good point. I can. I can forget about everything else. I wasn't yelled at for spilling something at dinner. Maybe I would have been different. I'm not blaming my parents. I mean, I'm a bitch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doesn't really sound like you're taking a lot of accountability.

[H. Foley]

I'm taking. I take all end up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think all the, um. I think. I think that's just a symptom of the not great coping life skills that they had.

[H. Foley]

There's kids that do it all the time now, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I think I. Maybe first of all, this maybe happened once or twice in my life.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's an. I've seen. I. There's no way.

[H. Foley]

Remember you knocked over the shit on me at fucking Gallagher's when we were sitting drunk? Yeah, you were drunk. I was drunk, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

I spilled a whole bottle of wine on the big fella. And. And your steak is sitting in a bowl of soup.

[H. Foley]

Garcon, throw this in a blender and bring it back on our rocks, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Also, how about a glass of water for my friend there? He's driving. Yeah, I think that was. I don't think our parent. I'll speak for. I don't think my dad hated spills. I think he was just fucking on the edge already and that set him off. No well adjusted guy sitting there like, oh, yeah, Sonny, you did great. What the fuck? Like, that's not. Jesus fucking Christ. Every fucking time.

[H. Foley]

Uncle Tony.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, I would say it was more of a total package, her busting his

[H. Foley]

balls all day, traffic, work, all that shit. Sure, yeah. She's probably her fault.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who? Your mother.

[H. Foley]

I love you, Patty. I'm kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Patty watch a program.

[H. Foley]

Patty enjoys the program. Yeah, a lot of people enjoy the show. Patty's one of. She sits down, she figured she. Betty's doing all right. She got a YouTube TV, brother's account.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

You know, she watches her show. She watches this. She watches NCIS. Big NC Marathons. NCIS. Volume at 60.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good.

[H. Foley]

Hear it Fucking down the street, living her best life. She Likes to have Mark Harmon. Which I loved him back in the. You know. Mark Harmon.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love ncis.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Dude. He was like a heartthrob. Not that he's an old. He's an older guy now. He's still good looking dude. But he was like a proper heartthrob.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you. Gibbs. Tony Ziva.

[H. Foley]

He was banging somebody back in the day. I can't remember who it was. It was like Sybil shepherd or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably a hot piece of ass.

[H. Foley]

He did a turn on Moonlighting I believe. But he was dating Civil shepherd. Which young kids out there probably don't know. She was on a show called moonlight

[Kevin Ryan]

and in college fully dated a German Shepherd.

[H. Foley]

Hey then. All right. We're back.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was my giant. He was a good guy. This is one we've never talked about. Which is. I've never even thought of this. This is from Brennan. Is it garbage to freeze restaurant leftovers. That seems crazy.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't want them right away and you're not going to have them in the next. Can you look up What? Because I play it fast and loose on this. How long do leftovers last in the fridge? I'm sure you're going to get varying answers. But give me like a What's a. What's a recommended. I would also suggested msrp.

[H. Foley]

I was also msrp.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was that joke.

[H. Foley]

Oh. What does MSRP mean? Well. I know this.

[Kevin Ryan]

We've won over there. We've done this.

[H. Foley]

Margins.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nope.

[H. Foley]

Materials. Is it.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. We've done this.

[H. Foley]

Tell me again.

[Kevin Ryan]

Manufacturer, suggested retail price? Msrp.

[H. Foley]

Msrp. Damn. I was never gonna. Got that. Huh? I would also be curious to know what is the cuz in my house If. If something was frozen. If you froze something. Like let's say you froze hamburgers and then you took them out and you thawed them out and you cooked half of them. If you put it back in the freezer when you eventually took that out to eat it. It would kill you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think it's.

[H. Foley]

You can't refreeze stuff. That's. That's. That. That. That was the. The. The fear that was always put on us.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you have? Give me not what you think. Give me your exact. Give me the. The. The. The doctor's orders here. Three to four days for restaurant leftovers they're saying is safe. That's. I. Yeah. That's fine. That's like light work to me. But like what if you're eating something at a restaurant? Let's say you get the Fucking chicken scampi. I mean.

[H. Foley]

I mean, what else are you gonna get, right? You get the chicken, I'm getting the scampi.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get the scampi. You fucking. You go home. You're not gonna. You're gonna take it home. You're gonna. You're not gonna eat it within four days. You're not gonna eat it within fucking four to five freezing. That's what this guy's saying.

[H. Foley]

Is he doing it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I don't know the guy. All I have is a garbage to freeze leftovers. I'm sure either he did this. Someone in his family. There's. He's.

[H. Foley]

What's his name again?

[Kevin Ryan]

Brennan.

[H. Foley]

Brennan, hit me up. I don't know what the hell's going on with this.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you thaw it in the freezer, it's okay to refreeze.

[H. Foley]

If you what?

[Kevin Ryan]

If you thaw it in the fridge. In the fridge, it can't come to room temp. Yes, that makes sense.

[H. Foley]

You got to cook it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

See, we always left it in the sink while everybody went to work at school.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's fine. That's probably fine because that'll that to. Hold on. This is my take on that still. When you get home, I don't know what the temperatures. But it's not room temp. You know what I mean? That holds that. That holds that freeze. That's a deep freeze.

[H. Foley]

Chicken would be in the fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never myself, personally, I've never let anything get to room temp because I'm not fucking sitting there. Fucking throw it on air. It's called cold when it goes on air. Cold air, chill, thawed in the bowl. You should throw it out, not refreeze it. Who said that? The Internet. What's the Internet, though?

[H. Foley]

Is it Nina Gardner? Is it fucking Guy Fieri? Who is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Usda?

[H. Foley]

You it. Fuck. Those guys are bought and paid for.

[Kevin Ryan]

The fuck the usda.

[H. Foley]

Usda. Get out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Aren't they the meat guys. Oh, the guys who want you to buy more fucking hamburgers saying, hey, if you put it in a bowl of water, you got to buy new hamburgers now.

[H. Foley]

He makes a good point.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You make a good point. I'd be in there. You can use it as long as you want.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's. That's like they tell you, you know who tells you to fucking change your oil every 3,000 miles? The fucking oil company.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they do, don't they? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Check your fucking. Check your owner's manual. 20, 30,000 miles.

[H. Foley]

Is that What?

[Kevin Ryan]

It says no, but that's how I've pushed it. I'm pushing it right now.

[H. Foley]

I like changing my own.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

When I was driving. I got the license back. Now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, not yet.

[H. Foley]

I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you have to go get a new. Are we talking?

[H. Foley]

No, I don't have to go. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I'm cool buddy. Street legal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take it easy. Take it friggin easy.

[H. Foley]

Relax Luke. Everything's fine.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's from Bugman. Blastoise. I always thought it was Blastoid. It's Blastoise.

[H. Foley]

What's a Blastoise?

[Kevin Ryan]

We talked about this a couple weeks ago. Yeah. You're a Pokemon. He was like a Bortle or what'd you call him? Or Waddle. Snorlax. Snorlax.

[H. Foley]

Thank you. Which I been told it's a great compliment.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a great Pokemon.

[H. Foley]

Great Pokemon.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go.

[H. Foley]

Thanks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got that going for you?

[H. Foley]

Sure. Oh well.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm more of a charizard. People are calling you a graveler. What's that?

[H. Foley]

Drop a pick, jerk off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me say grab graveler. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Probably throws cupcakes at people.

[Kevin Ryan]

Graveler. Pokemon. I'm gonna hate this. That's not bad. Guys. Let me strong looking. Fuck you talking about? Fuck around and find the fuck out guy.

[H. Foley]

Poop.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like a meat wad. Better thaw him out. That thing's been in. The thing's been in room temp a little too long.

[H. Foley]

Talk about a fur burger.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's just funny. It's from the real Hulk Hogan. I always. And my whole family says Hulk Hogan.

[H. Foley]

Hulk Hogan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like my mom will pronounce the hard K in Kogan.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, Hulk Hogan.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Hulk Hogan.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ever need to be decontaminated? That's a good one.

[H. Foley]

Jesus. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Have I.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said you in science class? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That wasn't contaminated. It's a flush. That's not contamination. No, I wasn't quite freaked the out man. Like the COVID when they stick up in the plastic. I'm jumping right out the room though. I'm jumping right out the window. Yeah. That must have sucked that talking to

[Kevin Ryan]

you through that button.

[H. Foley]

You're gonna be okay. What the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey. Tony ain't gonna make it. I can hear you.

[H. Foley]

I don't even like it when the dude the technician runs out of the room and throws on that vest.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is a Seinfeld bid. Okay. So we're gonna have fun with that. I'm sorry. I. I panned up. I. I went mean. I'm sorry.

[H. Foley]

Yep.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Sensitive sound.

[H. Foley]

Have you Been quarantined for rudeness. You've had to get sprayed down for something?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think so. I remember I got real nervous one time I was working with some people and a Freon line. Something happened and there was some sort of flame. There was some sort of chemical reaction. And I was told that, that it makes like. We had to evacuate an area kind of because it makes like killer mustard gas.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something similar.

[H. Foley]

Would you rip one Rocco's sweet peppers. Got me little dab of this cinnamon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, talk about my fucking. My willpower. I've been spending a lot of time at the depot.

[H. Foley]

You're not walking by a Rocco's and winning, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seven, eight. Seven, eight times. I walked right by it.

[H. Foley]

Just not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, older, older broad leaning out to keeping the door open with her foot smoking. I'm like, that cheesesteak would hit heavy bike right now. But I didn't do it.

[H. Foley]

Good man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try him

[H. Foley]

Urban Rocco's too. Yes, right over there. Wonder what their deal is.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it's probably. I think about dude a lot of construction workers.

[H. Foley]

So if it does Home Depot own Broncos now.

[Kevin Ryan]

They probably lease it out. Home Depot doesn't want to. Oh, they might own it. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

What's the relationship?

[Kevin Ryan]

They probably. What do you got?

[H. Foley]

Why the fuck doesn't Lowe's get something like that going on?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just select Home Depot's. It seems mostly like pa, New Jersey and New York. Yeah, it's a very tri state thing.

[H. Foley]

They should all be doing it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think of how many fucking construction workers are pulling up to like a hot sausage. Yeah, cheesesteak.

[H. Foley]

Who's winning that war? Who's winning the hardware wars? Home Depot, Lowe's. What's the other one, Lace?

[Kevin Ryan]

I hit an ace the other day.

[H. Foley]

Aces are.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's small market. Yeah, that's nice shit though.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You walk in there and go, hey, where the extension course, right?

[H. Foley]

He goes, yeah, aces. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

He said cross the highway because it was like the main thing, not the highway, like the main aisle in the thing I love. Across the highway, bang a left. That's what he hit me with, like I was looking for a gas station.

[H. Foley]

Ace also does the old time candies. They got all the old candies in there real nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're saying Home Depot is more of a contractor store and Lowe's is more for your average homeowner. I'm more of a construction worker. But he knows that blue collar guy,

[H. Foley]

like who goes to a Lowe's Home Depot all the Way Lowe's got that dude that does the thing for Lowe's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mike Rowe.

[H. Foley]

No. Hey, Talk about Mike like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta be honest with you. I spent a lot of time at Target and Walmart as well. Walmart. There's something, I don't know if it's like there's a level of scumbag at Walmart that is not at Target. No targeting. Great.

[H. Foley]

I like Walmart. But I was in two Walmart, two Walmarts recently. A bad one and a nice one. You hit a nice Walmart. Delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. The one I'm going to is on the. Not the great. Isn't the great one.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it's like, it's exponentially bad. Like, I don't know. It's you, you're just like, this is, this is wild.

[H. Foley]

People just walking out with carts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I kind of stole something new and I forgot.

[H. Foley]

Whoa, good for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try to big heavy duty trash. Like, act like street trash cans.

[H. Foley]

You did your steel.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't realize.

[H. Foley]

Man in the burbs need something to ye wide open.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need a feel, baby. No, I was, I didn't scan something. Didn't scan. And then I, I was at the self checkout and they had to come over and then she was like. I was like, oh, it's this. I, I, I scanned it in the cart because you have the gun. And then I put it on the thing like, out of order. You out of the order of like, whatever. So it set off the. Something's in the bagging area. So then she came over. It was this big to do. I was like, oh, it's this. I scanned it and then what? And that made me forget about the trash cans because the trash can, the two big trash cans were still in the cart. And then she stole two big trash cans. She hit check. I didn't steal them.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, what defines stealing, by the way?

[H. Foley]

I found a fucking diamond ring in the laundry the other day that was mine. No. How's it yours?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

It was a little diamond that went like that. It had two little things on. It was in the washing machine at the Laundromat on my stove. I checked it out and then I turned it in my fucking take.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody turned it in?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Turn it into the lady that runs the laundry room. I might take somebody's fucking ring.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that'd be crazy.

[H. Foley]

No, I wouldn't do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

At what point do I steal?

[H. Foley]

Because this is Sounds like, sounds like

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm trying to get out of it. This Is all for comedy purposes.

[H. Foley]

You're doing it now.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't realize then that it wasn't.

[H. Foley]

That's the same shit that everybody says.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

In my shoplifter videos. She didn't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't.

[H. Foley]

She didn't know she had a bucket.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? When did you realize? I realized after she checked my receipt at the door because she checked it. I go, what the fuck? Why would I. You know?

[H. Foley]

Did she stop you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, she looked at the receipt, handed it right back. And then I realized as I was leaving, I went, oh, I didn't fucking scan those. Because there was a kerfuffle at the self checkout. And to quote the great Matt McCusker, I was never trained on this system. I don't know anything about this. You didn't call me in.

[H. Foley]

There has to have been a meeting of like, listen, we're going to go to self checkout 100%. We know that we're going to lose X amount of dollars.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think. Do you think, like, you've cracked the. Cracked the case? Like, these guys had to sit down and go, so it's cheaper.

[H. Foley]

It's cheaper to lose the. The merchandise than to pay the employees to stand there. That's. That's what they figured out. Obviously, they're losing money either way.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't have to pay fucking taxes on a computer. You got to pay payroll taxes, insurance.

[H. Foley]

So they'd rather you just steal the shit. They know. They knew people were going to steal self checkout. Right. They had to have known that. They didn't make sure do it themselves. Yeah, that wasn't a thing. They knew that. They know the nature of humanity. Yeah, to destroy itself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. Steal. Well, also, employees steal. Employees steal time employee. So it's like police steal product. I'm not for it. I'm anti. I'm anti self checkout. I was banging at fucking Acme when they put it in. I was on the front lines of this shit, so don't tell me. I know.

[H. Foley]

Take it easy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm freaking out.

[H. Foley]

That was all that Vietnam smash my computer.

[Kevin Ryan]

But, yeah, I realized as I was walking out.

[H. Foley]

But you didn't go back in. See, I don't steal. That's the one thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't go back in because I said, someone came over. She hit checkout for me. She said, like, okay, you're good to go now. Like, pay. That's why I paid. I didn't realize.

[H. Foley]

What are you doing? You sleeping with her?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

How long you two know each other?

[Kevin Ryan]

And then they checked me at the door. That's two failures on their end. I'm not going back in. And going, two of your people fucked up.

[H. Foley]

Did you know it? Walking out that you were stealing them?

[Kevin Ryan]

I realized. I go. I go. Obviously. I go, oh, I guess I would, because I go, what is she checking for? Like, after she. I handed her my receipt, I go, what's she checking for? And then I go, oh, it would clearly be. You would steal these big things that aren't in bags or whatever. You know what I mean? Or, like, check to see if something's in the trash cans. And that's what I was thinking as I was already past her through the threshold of the door.

[H. Foley]

Smart.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then I go, oh, I didn't pay for the fucking trash cans.

[H. Foley]

Where are you at?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm in the parking lot. I'm like. I'm all. I'm from the sidewalk.

[H. Foley]

What are these trash cans for? What do you mean? The township doesn't give them to you?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Are you making, like, a punch?

[Kevin Ryan]

Jungle juice for this party. Making some McMonk juice.

[H. Foley]

What's McMonky?

[Kevin Ryan]

Something we made in high school French.

[H. Foley]

You call it McMonk Juice?

[Kevin Ryan]

I forget. Flip came up with it. We wrote all the ingredients because we went. It was one of those things where, like, you probably had, like, how they made jungles. We went around to everybody's house, stole a bunch of, like, fill it up a water bottle, this water bottle, that water bottle, this, like, whatever, you know,

[H. Foley]

you could steal green alcohol.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Gin, fucking, you know, Bacardi, whatever.

[H. Foley]

We got a bottle. It's 100 proof green alcohol. Was it just vodka?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. 100 proof. Hunter. Hunter proof. I don't know. We never.

[H. Foley]

I mean, what you up? I'll tell you that. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

We never really got our hands on it.

[H. Foley]

Wake up with orange peels in my nose.

[Kevin Ryan]

But we. We dumped it all on a thing and then added, like, Sprite, and we wrote it down to try to make it again or something.

[H. Foley]

Burn the recipe.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then Flip put a little monk drew a little monkey on the paper. It was like, we're gonna call this McMonk juice. I was up. I didn't care what you called it, Daddy. We were never able to recreate mcm. There was, like, beers in there. It was just like, beers.

[H. Foley]

We went.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little scoop of peanut butter, Taste of cinnamon. All right, we gotta wrap it up, though. Gang.

[H. Foley]

Gang, I'm gonna tell you this right now on behalf of me, Kevin and Luke. We love you to death.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go in peace. My peace. I get three days peace.