Adult Happy Meal! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? – “Adult Happy Meal!” with Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
April 27, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this classic “family episode” of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley fly solo, riffing on their shared trashy roots and tackling listener-submitted “garbage” scenarios. There’s no guest—just the boys, reminiscing about diners, dissecting the joys of the new “Adult Happy Meal,” reliving childhood injuries, and musing on truly dirtbag moves. It’s a laid-back, hilarious hang packed with their trademark nostalgia, blue-collar stories, and riffs on the absurdities of everyday life.

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Key Discussion Points & Notable Moments

Touring & Podcast Success (00:00-01:41)

• The boys hype up their “Back on the Block” tour, with stops all over the U.S., emphasizing how much they love their fans and live shows.
• Celebrating their podcast’s chart status, H. Foley jokes:

  “Just a couple of small town boys made good. I don’t know what to tell you.” (01:32, H. Foley)

• Quick back-and-forth about the old rap group The Fat Boys—a classic slice of their pop-culture references.

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Atlantic City Diners & Nostalgia (01:42-05:54)

• The duo dig into Atlantic City: casino memories, shrooms trips in college, and the history of local establishments like the Trump Taj Mahal and Hard Rock Casino.
  • “I feel I’ve been tripping in an odd amount of casinos.” (02:46, H. Foley)
• Laughing about casino overstimulation and panic attacks, Kevin laments:

  “These fucking casinos will give you a panic attack when you’re not all…” (02:51, Kevin Ryan)

• Diner culture holds a special place:

  “New York diners are a wayward rest stop and home for dirtbags alike in New York City.” (06:23, Kevin Ryan)

• Both reminisce about their favorite dishes, quirky diner regulars, and rituals—like dipping sausages in mustard “the British way.”

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Diners, Sausages, & The “Adult Happy Meal” (05:55-13:15)

• Foley reveals he’s lost 85 pounds, leading to a mini roast on healthy options at diners.
• They reminisce about classic diner orders, the community vibe, and the sad trend of iconic New York diners closing.
• Main Event: Kevin shares his discovery of the “Adult Happy Meal” at a local diner:
  • Double smash burger, fries, and a bottled beer for $19.95, all day, every day.
  • “As a bum getting waffles, as a society, we’re gonna be all right. I had never seen this before.” (12:05, Kevin Ryan)
  • Both applaud the value and marketing—debating what “adult” would want as a Happy Meal toy:

    “Maybe something for adults. This is for adults.” (14:12, H. Foley)

Notable Quotes:

• “You walk in, I’ll do the adult Happy Meal. Me. That’s a good time.” (16:53, Kevin Ryan)

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Beer-at-Lunch & Old-School Trash Moves (16:56-18:35)

• Stories of construction workers day-drinking, and how the hosts could never handle it.
  • “I was never that guy… I’d be asleep in the truck.” (17:09, H. Foley)
• Confessions about drinking at work, especially as waiters.
  • “I was about to say I’ve never been at work drunk, but I know you know that’s a lie.” (18:35, H. Foley)

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Listener Garbage Questions (21:22–55:15)

Driving to Your Own Wedding (23:13)

• Discussing the “garbage-ness” of having to drive yourself to your wedding.
  • “Driving to the wedding means you’re probably driving back, right?” (23:17, H. Foley)
  • “That’s very 80s to me—half the tux on, shirt open…” (24:15, H. Foley)

Limos, Sprinters, and Having a Handler (24:15–27:38)

• Dismantling the myth of limousines as “classy”—now for “kids going to prom who throw up in them.”
  • “They’re actually very trashy.” (25:09, Kevin Ryan)
  • “When the SUV started popping…the party bus killed ‘em.” (25:19, H. Foley)
• Dreaming about having a driver or a “guy with a gun”—pure Are You Garbage daydreaming.

Childhood Dirtbag Moves (27:34–38:43)

• Riding a bike barefoot, swapping windshield wipers, or wearing a neck brace to self-treat—each considered classic trash moves.
  • “Talk about…it’s summertime. You’re probably…wet from like a pool too or something.” (27:51, Kevin Ryan)
• Medical nostalgia: family first-aid kit full of odd supplies—neck braces, crutches, “hoof cream,” and “udder balm.”
• Extended riff on hair-removal products like “Epi Stop-n-Spray,” with YouTube commercial viewing.
  • “Dude, it just deletes that guy's leg hair. How insane is that?” (38:22, Kevin Ryan)

Renewing Wedding Vows (45:43–54:35)

• Reluctantly agree: only “the dirt baggest of dirt bags” actually redo wedding vows.
  • “That’s the only… I always thought someone cheated on someone when that happened.” (45:54, Kevin Ryan)
  • Long riff on trashy or low-key second marriages, including Kevin’s own dad’s Vegas wedding story.

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Rapid-Fire Trash Debates & Relatable Riffs (55:20–67:00)

• Swapping windshield wipers, car climate control wars, and clunky credit card maneuvers to hide being broke.
  • “I got denied yesterday, if I’m being honest.” (60:51, Kevin Ryan)
• Haircut anxiety, tipping etiquette, and awkward encounters at the salon.
  • “His knockers were nice. Hey, how long you been living in the city? It’s like, knock it off. I’m hard, all right?” (62:11, Kevin Ryan)
• Gift giving: what do you buy a guy who hates everything for his 40th? (64:43)
• Childhood comfort debates, birthday dinners, records, gift cards, you name it.

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Tour Recap & Podcast Growth: 00:00–01:41
• Diner Nostalgia & Losing Weight: 05:04–06:14
• Adult Happy Meal Discovery: 12:05–13:25
• Garbage Moves: Drinking, Work, Lunches: 16:56–18:35
• Listener Questions Rapid Fire: 21:22–55:15
• Wedding Vows & Vegas Marriage Story: 45:43–54:35

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Memorable Quotes

• “New York diners are a wayward rest stop and home for dirtbags alike in New York City.” (06:23, Kevin Ryan)
• “An adult Happy Meal… as a bum getting waffles, as a society we’re gonna be all right.” (12:05, Kevin Ryan)
• “You ever wear a neck brace for a couple days in hopes it helps with your neck pain? I respect it.” (29:07, H. Foley)
• “I had jock itch so bad when I was a kid. You get passed around like a loose joint.” (34:06, Kevin Ryan)

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Tone & Format

The conversation is rowdy, fast-paced, and self-deprecating—constantly poking fun at themselves and each other. Nearly every topic circles back to family, growing up working-class, and finding the comedy in life’s shabbiest moments. Foley and Ryan’s camaraderie and shared history always shine. If you love “Are You Garbage?” for the blue-collar honesty and riff-heavy laughs, this episode is a must-listen.

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TL;DR:

A classic “just the boys” episode, loaded with trashy comedy, diner love, childhood injuries, life hacks out of necessity, the invention of the Adult Happy Meal, and a heap of listener dirtbag confessions. If you’ve ever swapped your windshield wipers, drank at lunch, or wondered if renewing wedding vows means you’re garbage… these are your dudes.

Transcript

[A]

Gang, that Back on the Block tour just keeps a rolling on. Grab your tickets, grab the squad. Come on out. See the boys.

[B]

Yeah. This May we got Los Angeles. Then we're doing the Comedy Cellar in New York City. Little Ayg and friends show, Portland, Maine. Those tickets are going fast. We got two shows in Pittsburgh, then Cleveland, Ohio. Atlantic City, New Jersey. This summer the boys are going down ashore and then comedy works in Denver. Get those tickets, come to a live show. We love you.

[A]

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is. Are you Garb?

[B]

You know it.

[A]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. They're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trees, trees, trees.

[A]

I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She woke me up six in the morning.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Blasting Chaka Khan. Bumping, going old school on me.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I feel you, dawg.

[A]

Macabos is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. He is my best pal in the whole wide world. And with summer approaching back to being the king of the boards. Big show in Atlantic City coming up down here.

[B]

Lying get them pickies, gang.

[A]

Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[B]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. As always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts. We're in the charts. We're in the fucking charts, baby. Slowly getting to the top of the. I don't know where it's starts. The top of the chart.

[A]

We pop back and forth between the top 100 all podcasts and we're top 100 in comedy podcasts. Huh? Just a couple of small town boys made good. I don't know what to tell you.

[B]

Yeah, take that, hater.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

The Fat Boys are on top. Yeah,

[A]

Fat Boys used to beatbox.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

Do you remember the Fat Boys?

[B]

No.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I mean, I do in theory.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I remember they had their own movie. Mm.

[A]

Camera.

[B]

What it was called Bad boys do something. It wasn't go to the gym. I know that much. Hey, hey, gang. The big man said we got a show in Atlantic City. The boys are going down the shore at the Hard Rock Casino and Hotel. Maybe. I don't know. I made up the Internet. I think he's at the Hard Rock.

[A]

Yeah. Hotel and Casino would be called.

[B]

What'd I say?

[A]

Casino and Hotel. I think it'd be hot.

[B]

I do it different. I flip flop it. They do it old school jazz.

[A]

We gotta play the tables down here.

[B]

Yeah, played at tables.

[A]

I don't know if I've ever been to Hard Rock down there.

[B]

I got to be honest with you. Didn't know it existed really. That's why I was like, I'm not sure.

[A]

Shout out to him. I might have been in there one time. We used to have a little thing for some reason around college age. We take a bunch of shrooms and go down Atlanta.

[B]

I don't think season newer. Find out when the Hard Rock Casino opens. There's no way that's been around that long.

[A]

I feel I've been tripping in an odd amount of casinos.

[B]

Uh huh. Well, I mean it makes sense. Lights thing fucking freak you out, dog. Man, talk about a guy redlining it. These fucking casinos will give you a panic attack when you're not all.

[A]

Yeah. Overstimulated.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Hit me.

[B]

What do you got?

[C]

1990.

[A]

Whoa, Charlie.

[C]

The Trump Taj Mahal.

[B]

Now I used to go down in high school and play the Taj Mahal. Had a good poker room.

[A]

How could you said it was formerly the Taj Mahal in 1990. You weren't around there in 1990.

[B]

No, I know. So I'm saying you were forming. Maybe the building was there in 1990, but the Trump Taj Mahal. The Taj. I was going to the Taj in 2005. 2003. 4 and 5 ish. So they had to take over.

[C]

Taj closed in 2014, became the hard rock.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Oh, 2014. There you go.

[B]

Yes, but anyway, get those tickets. That's a good fricking time. It's sold out. The boys are going down the shore. Go down ashore. I'll bring it to Ta Tully Nut. I would love to try to get a see if they'll send me like a five gallon jug of Tully Nuts or something. Pay us.

[A]

Having a green room.

[B]

Having a green room. All fucked up some of us. And then obviously, gang, Netflix is a joke festival in La La Land. Get those tickets at the Belasco Theater. May 7th.

[A]

I believe that's coming up. That's a couple of weeks. Get some tickets, bring the squad, come see us.

[B]

Yeah, the boys are gonna be so

[A]

look good in front of the suits at.

[B]

Yeah, this is Netflix. You gotta go tap dance and show everybody. Hey, Shake Hands kiss babies. We got a special cutting room. You try to sell that little bit. Sell that.

[A]

That's like ice tea, you know, Ice tea. Walked in, got a record deal. Didn't give him a demo or nothing. Just convince the guy. Give it to me, it's iced tea. You're no iced tea.

[B]

What are you. Huh? Huh? Yeah. Buy yourself a second. What'd you say? Yeah. So I. Speaking of, I got something I want to start off with.

[A]

I believe you have something for me. You know, come across my desk.

[B]

There is this. Is this. This hits a few points of things that are near and dear to our heart a little bit.

[A]

My dad.

[B]

Just a picture. Picture of everybody who's died in your life. I have a montage and in memoriam of everybody that Foley's ever lost. Oh, man. Talk about. I might even put you in a better mood today. I might cheer you up.

[A]

This coffee tastes very chocolatey.

[B]

Good Sneskwek you got in there. I was as, you know, diner. We're a big diner guy. New York diners. You like a diner?

[A]

Used to be.

[B]

Yeah, right. Used to be. What do you mean? What's with the. Wait, wait, wait. You know. What do you mean, used to be? You're not a diner guy.

[A]

I'm, you know, I eat better these days, Jose. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, my God. We're just starting off with.

[A]

I'm down £85. What are you talking about?

[B]

First of all, it's 80.

[A]

It's 85 now.

[B]

Whatever, hold on. We're happy. Also, you can eat healthy. You can eat very healthy at a diner.

[A]

What, to get the California plate with the cottage cheese and the jello? No, thanks. It's like, I like that delivery guy.

[B]

He's got a California place. You love a diner, you get a half of it.

[A]

I love a diner. Come on.

[B]

I don't know. I don't know why you're doing this. Nothing.

[A]

I like steak fries. I like getting the entree, and they give you the soup and the salad and the basket of bread. You. Yeah, I like diners, man. I'm fucked up.

[B]

That's the most normal thing about you. That's what I'm saying. This goes to show and diners in New York diners are a wayward rest stop and home for dirt bags alike in New York City.

[A]

Bozos and losers. You go in there, you fucking. You get a cup of coffee, you can sit there with your friends and talk about what you want the future to look like.

[B]

Uh huh. Which we did a lot of.

[A]

Yes, we did.

[B]

And if you go to a diner. If you frequent a diner enough that you. The staff knows you. I went into that West 4th diner down there.

[A]

You told me that recently.

[B]

Same fucking guys. Same guys.

[A]

They had the big fat sausages too.

[B]

Oh, yeah, they do.

[A]

Like a fat man sausage.

[B]

Plus they got the breakfast meats now.

[A]

They got those overstuffed sausages. Yeah, which I like.

[B]

Do you like the tiny little twink ones? Like the big heavy bike johns?

[A]

Well, they're more like British sausages.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

I can. I saw this thing. So apples and pears. I'm walking down the apples and pears. That's the stairs.

[B]

Okay. Man, this guy is.

[A]

I know, but I like. I like sometimes even with. With a breakfast.

[B]

Silly. What I'm used to. You know why you do it?

[A]

Why?

[B]

You know?

[A]

Nuh.

[B]

Why? You like being told by this thing you're a fucking twisted guy. This guy's real twisted.

[A]

Twisted and evil. I like sometimes dipping my sausage and mustard the way the Brits do.

[B]

Oh my God, you should write a book sometimes.

[A]

Well, you can't do it regular breakfast sausage, like those skinny links.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be crazy.

[A]

You gotta do it. Those girthy ones.

[B]

Those girthy ones. The uncircumcised Jones. Europe. You're a peeing cut.

[A]

Yeah, European cut.

[B]

So this is all very of that. I sat down. There's a new diner's been closing left and right. They're too expensive. They can't.

[A]

The food.

[B]

New York City, they're closing. There's been a bit of a revamp of them. Whole place is tanking culturally.

[A]

Mandami

[B]

I I go. There's a new diner opened up in my neck of the woods.

[A]

Yes, that's true. I've heard about this place.

[B]

What?

[A]

You told me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You told me.

[B]

Okay, all right.

[A]

And I think me and. Aren't me and Diesel up there for something?

[B]

Maybe.

[A]

Yeah. We walked by it.

[B]

You're stalking me. You're obsessed with me.

[A]

Why the fuck were we up there?

[B]

Drop Picking me up or something? Drop me off probably.

[A]

Yeah. I remember walking down the street with somebody and I said, hey, we should go here. And then somebody walked around like the food is delicious.

[B]

Oh, it just opened that weekend. Yeah, I hadn't been yet. Yeah, new diner.

[A]

Who was I up there with?

[B]

I think Diesel.

[A]

Huh. Interesting. I never take anybody's advice.

[B]

It's not that interesting.

[A]

You know, four people when somebody says that, oh, the food's delicious. I fuck you. You work there. You need something. Trying to sucker me in there.

[B]

It was A new place. Yeah, and it was just over that weekend. It's in the neighborhood. I think the local neighborhood people were supporting it.

[A]

That's nice. Yeah, I like that.

[B]

Okay. I think that's why he was telling you the food's good. Yeah.

[A]

I'm not buying it.

[B]

That's good for. Good for a guy like you, maybe. I like mustard on my sausages. I'm no bozo.

[A]

I'm waiting till the, you know, the health inspector gets in there.

[B]

Yeah. Let them get their. Let them make their mistakes. Soft launch.

[A]

Yes, it's a soft opening. Soft opening is bad. Friar's not working. Kid don't know what he's doing. That's why, like, taffer, you ambush everybody with the soft openings. There's never a hundred people walking in at once.

[B]

That's a stress. That's a taffer stress test. Everybody knows that.

[A]

Well, you know that they're going to fail.

[B]

Turn a heat. Yeah. Find out where they fail.

[A]

Bunch of mouth breathers walking in, judging all the Foleys.

[B]

Are there patties there? Those people smoke in here.

[A]

They're always such dicks. They walk in like they're the Kennedys.

[B]

Oh, I remember thinking, I.

[A]

What are you talking about, you rat? If Tapper wasn't picking up the tab, you'd be out in the street.

[B]

I would never want to be on one of those shows.

[A]

No.

[B]

Even in, like, the sense of, like, I'm hanging out at a place that's hanging on by a thread. Dive bar aside, obviously, but, like, you know, also.

[A]

Well, you wouldn't want to be, like, the mixologist going in undercover.

[B]

You mean Johnny Tips? Yeah. I remember thinking that was the first time, the day. And she's like, this is Johnny Tips. And I cut to him, like, with a shaker, and I went, his last name's Tips? That's crazy. I said, oh, it was a fucking stage.

[A]

They were always bartenders that, like, sort of like Bennigans and, like, they're all corporate bartenders.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Not shot in beer guys. Like, we're used to guys that can point you in the right direction, if you know what I mean. Stay open late. Yeah. Down there to Shady's Bar, where the blinds are always drawn.

[B]

But that aside, I popped in the other day with my wife and my son.

[A]

Is that.

[B]

Little late breakfast for me? I'm doing intermittent fasting.

[A]

Are you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you okay? You weren't doing that with beers down here in Pottstown.

[B]

I didn't have any beers in Pottstown.

[A]

Yeah, right. You had a whole tray of garage beers. I seen them in there.

[B]

I didn't. First of all, that's on the rider. Shout out to garage beers.

[A]

Fine. Garage beer. Also shout out to souljols. That place.

[B]

That was awesome. Great time.

[A]

Let me tell you this great time. Those lemon pepper wings were something else. Oh no, it was garlic parmesan. I'll tell you right now.

[B]

Lemon pepper wings. Were you at the King of Diamonds?

[A]

No, Diesel ordered lemon pepper wings, but they had a garlic parmesan sauce down there. I tell you right now, garlic parmesan is really taking over the wing market. That's it. Was going for garlic parmesan. I swear to God, they are. That sauce was delicious.

[B]

All that aside, I pop in, you know how like, you know, diners like you said, you like to get like the dinner, the entrees, I love that. Right? They always have a decent special and

[A]

they treat you better. Yeah, they treat you better when you get the entree at the entree at night. I treat you better, gentlemen.

[B]

So I popped in, this was the market at first thing I saw and I said, you know what? As a bum getting waffles, as a society, we're gonna be all right. I had never seen this before. Maybe this is a new trend and ultra. I had never seen this marketing in my life. What happened really piqued my interest. Hit it. The adult Happy Meal. A double patty smash burger, fries and a bottle beer, your choice. Available all day, every day. 1995 out the door. Where can you beat that?

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

I wasn't even in the mood for. I mean it was about 11 o' clock in the morning. I wasn't in the mood for a beer, a burger, french fry. I didn't get it with my family. Family man. I had to do fucking airplane mode with a pouch of string bean mash. But if it was me, you or some, I would have fucking an adult Happy Meal. I've never seen that.

[A]

I respect it.

[B]

Look at that. Yeah, that's there something.

[A]

I thought it was two bit. Could be two beers. I put one bottle.

[B]

I'd listen. Yeah, they got you. Get you looking. Okay, I'm so.

[A]

Maybe that's the thing, they get you looking.

[B]

I was sold.

[A]

Why is there two beers then? That's what I would say.

[B]

Well, let's order it and find out. Yeah, also price point wise.

[A]

Choice of bottled beer.

[B]

Choice of bottled beer.

[A]

There you go. Maybe one's domestic, one's imported.

[B]

Yeah, they got it. Yeah, they got a Bud Light and a Honey. Show you there.

[A]

You know yeah, that's real nice.

[B]

1995 for a double Smash. That looks like a Double Smash cheeseburger, right?

[A]

Double Patty Smash burger, fries and choice of bottle beer.

[B]

That's gonna run you the burger. A burger and fries alone would run you 1599. Something like that, right?

[A]

You want to know a good gimmick to throw in with that? They're only like a dollar.

[B]

Why?

[A]

You buy like a thousand matchboxes and you get it. You get a matchbox, you get a Hot Wheels with it.

[B]

Oh, like a toy?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, are you telling me like a matchbook?

[B]

Matchbook. Mashed potatoes. I don't want the fries going to match potatoes.

[A]

People always love when you. Especially people our age toy.

[B]

Some sort of trinket would be nice.

[A]

Yeah. Spider ring, something like that.

[B]

Maybe some for adults. That. This is for adults.

[A]

Like what? I don't know. What do adults use?

[B]

I don't know. Not spider rings. I can't go back to work after having a Double Smash burger fry.

[A]

Hey Lenny, check it out.

[B]

And four beers in a fucking wristful of fucking.

[A]

Well, no, they know you were down there at the joint getting a Happy Meal.

[B]

Kippy, what'd you do for lunch today? I'm all fucking slut.

[A]

Spider rings all over your head.

[B]

I'm tapping, I'm typing with fucking eight spider rings. Nothing, boss.

[A]

Breast smells like garlic parmesan.

[B]

Uh huh. The adult Happy Meal. Fucking home. I love that. And maybe it hit me up if this is a new thing or if this has been if other places are doing it. I never saw that.

[A]

I've been somewhere in the back of my subconscious. I feel like I've. I've seen a little bit of this.

[B]

But I mean it makes sense.

[A]

But that's that. First of all, New York City.

[B]

That's a deal.

[A]

Give me a favor, Luke, if you don't mind. You don't mind? Just a little bit of work.

[B]

You such a thing. Bug man back. Everybody run. Oh my God, a bug.

[A]

I didn't mean to wake you or. Not like that.

[B]

Somebody get a big piece of tissue so I can squash you.

[A]

Why? Because I'm bugman?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, you go and try it. I don't kill bugs. I'm talking about people I don't know.

[B]

You know Bug Jenkins.

[A]

Would you give me a price check on a burger run that. Give me, give me, give me a cheeseburger deluxe. New York City diner. See what that is.

[B]

I would argue. I mean a cheeseburger deluxe gotta be 15. But that's one that's single patty still single patty.

[A]

It's double. It's double Smash burger.

[B]

Double double patty. Probably. Listen, they're probably. They're probably skimping on the patties a little bit maybe, you know, we get two of them.

[A]

Yeah, whatever.

[B]

Two slices of cheese. It looks at least according to the art, to the artist rendering.

[A]

Yeah. What does he get hit with? With an lto.

[B]

I don't think they do that on a. On a smash, do they? I think smash is just traditional cheese and the meat and then some.

[A]

I like an lto. Slaw on a pickle.

[B]

Listen, I'm sure they would accommodate.

[A]

What do you got, Luke?

[C]

With fries. At that 24 hour diner we all went to few like 6 months ago.

[B]

Used to be Tivoli.

[C]

Yeah, that one that they took over.

[B]

Where? 23rd or something?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, I think on. Yeah, 24th maybe.

[B]

Yeah, it was the old Tivoli.

[C]

Yeah. That's gonna be 15 bucks with French fries.

[B]

Wow, 15. So you're at first.

[C]

Single smash burger.

[B]

Single smash burger. Let's go. I want a double patty. That's four bucks right there.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

You're 1999 without the beer.

[A]

Shout out to this joint.

[C]

That's gonna run you 25.

[B]

25 bucks available.

[A]

Every day, all day.

[B]

You walk in, I'll do the adult Happy Meal. Me. That's a good time.

[A]

A lot of men. A lot of guys. Not me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like men. Men, they like. They like a burger and a beer.

[B]

Yeah. When I was ever. Anytime we were. I was working construction, it was like I could never do, like, the beer at lunch. I was never that guy.

[A]

Yeah, you'd be asleep in the truck.

[B]

I'm the worst. The second I eat, it's. I've gotten a little better as I gotten older. But the second I have like, even a fucking. A cheesesteak egg roll, I'm like sleepy McSleeps in.

[A]

I remember working at Martell's back in the day. Like iron workers come in there. They'd be. They. They'd have like a burger, beer. A couple, like a couple beers. Go back to work. Yeah, I would be fucking out.

[B]

Yeah. I'm not built that way.

[A]

Sleepy night, night time, tired guy. Dude, drinking Guinness at lunch.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

That's like. That's like a stack of pancakes.

[B]

I would do it when I was working in an office. I never liked going out to lunch, but there was a couple other secretaries. I hung out, a couple other broads.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Take me out for my birthday. Stuff like that.

[A]

That's cute.

[B]

And they would all. We'd all get drained and I'm like. The last thing I want to do is Skull 2 Budweisers.

[A]

Get drinks.

[B]

I would do one because they would.

[A]

They weren't drinking beer either.

[B]

No, they're like margaritas and cosmos. Yeah, something like that.

[A]

Then I go back to the work, all fired up.

[B]

Uh huh. And then I'm like, I want fucking sleepy as shit.

[A]

They're not.

[B]

Probably go home and throw one at a husband. You know what I mean? Sure.

[A]

That's all right. You ever drink at your desk? Like a little nip?

[B]

No.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

I'm not like a mixed business and pleasure guy. If I'm drinking, I'm clearing his docket and I'm drinking. You know what I mean? I'm not like. I'm not. I don't like drinking and then like going and doing stuff. I'm drinking if I'm drinking.

[A]

I was about to say I've never been at work drunk, but I know you know that's a lie.

[B]

Check, please.

[A]

I said waiting tables. You always, you know.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You know what I mean. Try the beer. Let me get a taste of this skull that ate a couple.

[B]

All right, listen. All that's neither here nor there, but check out an adult Happy Meal in your. In your area. And if you. Maybe if you run a small establishment or you work in a small establishment, implement the adult Happy Meal.

[A]

If it's not big, it's gonna be big this summer.

[B]

Could be big this summer.

[A]

Just like that Llangley song. That's big.

[C]

You're really pushing that.

[B]

It is.

[A]

You know about this.

[B]

You've asked me about it multiple times. I think I just like.

[A]

I've.

[B]

Choosing Texas sold in passing.

[A]

God damn. Hit right there. It's beautiful too.

[B]

But that's a beautiful girl. Beautiful woman. What is it? Beautiful, beautiful girls. Beautiful girl. A beautiful girl.

[A]

Nothing to do with it. Very talented.

[B]

You brought it up.

[A]

I like this song. It's a good song. A beautiful girl came here talking about Shopify. I'm trying to think here. I know a couple of people that use Shopify.

[B]

Hmm?

[A]

Oh yeah, we use Shopify.

[B]

Duh.

[A]

If you've ever bought a T shirt

[B]

or a hat or a deck of

[A]

cards or a deck of cards that Shopify streamlines everything, makes everything easy. And I know we got a lot of hustlers out there, a lot of guys, brick and mortar stores. Do yourself a favor. I think it's kind of come to the point now. Shopify's taken over, buddy.

[B]

So they ain't Getting smaller. Yeah. And here's the thing. We've handled the merch. Obviously if you've been to our website, it's Shopify website the store all powered by Shopify bought some of them on the right Powered by Shopify. We before Shopify we handled it all of ourselves. There was things flying out of the printer. I got stickers all over my account and change over taking things to the man. It was up. It was a mess. Shop Shopify handles it all, streamlines it. Shopify is your commerce expert with the world class expertise in everything from managing inventory to international shipping to process returns and beyond. It's like having a marketing team behind you. Easy to create email and social media campaigns. Wherever your customers are scrolling or strolling, Shopify can get in front of them to help you convert.

[A]

Scrolling or strolling. That's cool.

[B]

It's time to turn those what ifs into Shopify money today. Sign up for your $1 per month [e-mail] garbage go to shopify.com garbage one more time. Get a pen. Get a pencil. Shopify.com garbage do it Kevi.

[A]

What about Chubby's Chubbies?

[B]

Chubbies.

[A]

Chubbies.

[B]

Chubbies.

[A]

What about Chubby's? Just take it over to summer.

[B]

You love to see it.

[A]

Chubbies is big in the summer. They're big all year round. Yeah, but Chubbies in the summer. Get a nice bathing suit. I got one that they gave me, I think last year, the Red John that didn't fit. And now I'm into it.

[B]

I know it.

[A]

And I'm going to break this thing out and I'm going to be strutting my skinny little ass all around that pool down there. Club Foley. So if you want to get a peek.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Come see it.

[B]

He's letting the thighs breathe. And that's what Chubby does. Maybe whether you're playing around the golf with the boys, hitting up maybe a couple of day beers popping around you're doing outside. They got you covered for all the good vibes that warm weather brings. Chubby has you covered. They got their classic line Swim collection has your new favorite trunk for those sunny days. Soft, dangerously flexible, incredibly quick drying swim trunk. This is the first time. First time I sold Chubbies in person years ago. First time I saw Chubbies in person. My cousin Michael had them on. He got out of the ocean. I said you the heck is even this? I gotta get me a pair of them. Came out looking cool. Cool design. Looks dry walking.

[A]

Oh you wearing sweatpants like a bozo.

[B]

I was in a pair of dungarees. Whether you're getting dressed for your workday, a workout or a weekend getaway, Chubby's has you covered for a limited time. Chubby's is giving our viewers 20, 20% off your order with the code garbage@chubby shorts.com. that's code garbageubbyshorts.com support the show and tell them the police sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd. Stand out with Chubbies. Chubby's gang. We got a gosh drawn family episode on our hands. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon A, you'll get your garbage question ready on the air. And we got one, two tree hum dingers ready. This is a good one. This is from a guy who's gotten a handful of questions. Red because I remember the name. This is from Bannister Lannister. $10, homie. Here. Did you have to drive to your own wedding? That's a good one. That's a really good one. I've never thought about that. Driving to the wedding means you're probably driving back, right?

[A]

Yelling at the wife, the dress is hanging out the passenger door.

[B]

Yeah, that's a tough one.

[A]

I feel driving to the wedding as the guy, as the groom. Yeah, it's tough.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

That's a small town wedding.

[B]

Yeah, you would have to assume. Mm. I took an Uber.

[A]

That's two young kids to mine. That's city hall.

[C]

Mm.

[B]

Just sharing. How much was transportation of yours?

[A]

His expenses.

[B]

I'm well aware.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

You were on that bus drinking bars.

[B]

I had to take a plane to yours. The fuck you.

[A]

Hey, thanks for coming.

[B]

Anywho, that's a tough one I get. Unless it's like that's very like to me if that, like that's a little, you know, taking it off that, that feels like a to do. Like you're running errands. You get in the car, we're gonna go get married, we're gonna go home.

[A]

It's very 80s to me. I picture like one of my cousins doing that. Yeah, they got, they got like half the tux on the shirts open. They stopped by the church, they got

[B]

of a movie kind of Father Kalu

[A]

Trump get married today. Well get over there, you jerk.

[B]

I gotta go stop and see about someone real quick.

[A]

Yeah, why wouldn't he be marrying them? A plot hole right there.

[B]

Maybe she's Jewish and they're going to

[A]

a synagogue maybe or another, another parish, let's say.

[B]

Okay. God forbid. That's really Going to, too. Because I. The. This is the one time that someone kind of blew my mind. I always thought limos were wildly fancy and, like, it's what rich people did. And maybe in the 80s, like the businessmen. But then someone schooled me on it during the show at some point, that they were like, it's real. They're actually very trashy.

[A]

Trashy.

[B]

And it, like. I guess that happened in, like, the 90s to 2000s, where it's like, it's only kids going to prom who throw up in them.

[A]

It's a pain in the ass to get in there, first of all.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You know what I mean? You're down there. An SUV's nice. That's. I think when the SUV started popping

[B]

off, they killed them. Yeah, Sprinters, too. Got pretty, you know. Party bus a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, the party bus. And not to mention, they kind of did it to themselves with the fucking. With the Hummer limo, that was the end of it.

[B]

Sure, that was a little gaudy, but that was at the height that was like, when Entourage was cooking. Rap was big. That's like a fucking Hummer limo.

[A]

That's chicks throwing up and, like, dudes, like, beating up, like, waiters and stuff.

[B]

Yeah, fuck you.

[A]

What?

[B]

Well, it was also. They be kid. They're, like, relatively affordable. It's not like, in my head, they were like a million dollars. But if you got 20 people and you're like, oh, we're all going somewhere, it's like 30, 40 bucks ahead for the night.

[A]

Now, that being said, if I was, like, a billionaire or something like that, I'd only exclusively roll an limo.

[B]

Why is that?

[A]

I don't know. Just seems cool.

[B]

Yeah, it's gotta be.

[A]

I mean, I know stern rolls like that, all limo.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

That's what I heard.

[A]

Ronnie, limo driver. But, yeah, with some dude with some nickel on him. That's really all I want.

[B]

You just want a guy with a gun around you.

[A]

That'd be cool to have, like, a handler, like. Like a dude like that, that takes care. You know what I mean?

[B]

Someone who works closely with you. You can't be handled.

[A]

What do you mean, if you had a gun?

[B]

That's why he's got a gun. Fucking Foley. Do it, man. Yeah, listen.

[A]

You got a piece. You got a gun to my head. One, I'm aroused.

[B]

Two, I can't get nothing done. I'm art all day.

[A]

Yeah, that'd be cool.

[B]

That's funny.

[A]

To get to get to that point, just have, like, a dude like that,

[B]

a Dude with a gun. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That like, you know, takes care of. We know a few people that have that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not know them personally, but we've seen them.

[B]

They've seen man on Fire before. Are they coming out with a TV show of that? Is that true?

[A]

I heard that.

[B]

I saw a Man on Fire with like a younger Denzel and they're redoing Cape Fear.

[A]

Why? I don't get it.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Nothing against Javier Bored. Damie's goddamn genius, but. What are you doing, man? What are you doing? Sure, somebody writes something, hit me up. Got plenty ideas.

[B]

All right. This one's from Moneymark 97 10$Homie. For three or four years now. Genuinely never have one red crying emoji. My apologize. Well, you came with a hung humdinger. Ever rode a bike barefoot? Something don't feel right about that.

[A]

Talk about it's one.

[B]

It's summertime. You're probably. I was always like wet from like a pool too or something.

[A]

Or like you ever scraped the top of your feet? Get them. Get that big toe knuckle.

[B]

You had to like push hard, but you had to push lightly because like the. This not the spokes. Like the traction in the pedals. Yeah, he had a set of metal. Metal pedals too. Remember Danny Geisha metal pedals. Yeah. It was brutal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I was walking on hot coals.

[A]

Yeah, man. Yeah, that's. That's asking for a jammed up toe.

[B]

That's jammed up. And as well as I remember one time I saw a guy riding a bike with another bike and I was like, that guy is doing something wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's either stole that bike. It's like a horse thief riding two horses out of town in the middle of the night.

[A]

Oh, man, I always seen that. And that was always a day you killed that guy who was on that

[B]

horse, you know, Where'd you get that bike guy? They're not just riding around. That ain't free range bike. That's somebody's fucking bike.

[A]

Ride bicycles.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's a really good one.

[A]

Home run, bro.

[B]

All right, let's see. This is from Avis. Hey, fellas. Longtime $10 investor here, is it? Garbage aware and neck brace for a couple days in hopes it helps with your neck pain. I mean, if you're self prescribing a

[A]

neck brace, I respect it.

[B]

What is the main part? Is it to not move it or does it stretch it out?

[A]

I don't know. They have the new ones I don't like. They're very plastic. I like this the big donut.

[B]

The foam, John. Yeah, the foam. The plastic ones look like your head's about to fall. Foam looks like a guy strung out.

[A]

Yeah, those. Those new ones. You're two seconds away from having those things in your head.

[B]

Yeah, with the erector set, the halo, the external fixator, man, just really limits head movement. Okay. I remember my math teacher in seventh grade had one.

[A]

The halo?

[B]

No, a neck break. Why?

[A]

What happened?

[B]

I don't know, dude. But I did not respect him.

[A]

Owed money to the wrong people the

[B]

first day of school, dude, he's like, I. I'm Mr. So and so. I'm like, buddy, get a glove. Get in the game. And then after, like, the second week, he took. He was a big fat guy. After the second week, he took it off. And I was so nervous his head was gonna fall off, dude, he was

[A]

like, turn calm, collected kid.

[B]

I'm like, no one go near him. Yeah.

[A]

He never explained it to you? I got a car accident or something like that? No, because I'll tell you, this.

[B]

Probably like a vert, you know, vertebrae type thing or whatever it fixes.

[A]

I don't know. My mom, my family, we were very big on, like, we're somebody that would just throw in a neck brace without seeing doctor because we had a lot of, like, medical equipment around. You know what I mean? Like crutches, neck braces, wheelchairs, things like that. Ankle. Ankle monitors.

[B]

No, I saw. Dude, I saw a guy wearing an ankle monitor the other day. Had it hidden pretty good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was just thinking somebody was, like, mouthing off a little bit. Where the Was I.

[A]

Why wouldn't you wear it open so people know you don't know not to with you.

[B]

He was a janitor somewhere. He was pushing. I. I'm not gonna remember where I was. And he was pushing a thing around, and somebody kind of not gave him out of business. It was just like. And I was like, oh, that seemed. And then I spotted the monitor, and then he was walking around screaming at someone on his phone, and I was like, that guy's. That guy's got pride. That guy's living a life you don't

[A]

with older dudes like that.

[B]

He's younger.

[A]

Oh, really? Even more so. Interesting.

[B]

No, I agree. Where the fuck. Why I'm not gonna be able to remember.

[A]

See your janitor.

[B]

I go to the mall. I went, dude, I found a new mall.

[A]

You went to the mall again?

[B]

Found. I got a new fancy mall. Beautiful. Took the baby to fucking Cheesecake Factory for the first time. Hell yeah.

[A]

What'd he get?

[B]

Chicken parm sandwich. Did he French fries?

[A]

Nah. Did you give him anything?

[B]

No, he eats his. I had a French fry, probably of mine.

[A]

Gave him a friend.

[B]

They're a little too salty.

[A]

Huh? How do you like it?

[B]

Yeah, but it's. I think it's. They were a little too. I mean, that's like a fucking. He's got a fresh, clean palate, dude. He's used to eating like fucking pureed root vegetables.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Give him a little piece of cheesecake.

[B]

Cheesecake. No, I think we had lunch. I think a cheesecake.

[A]

Cheesecake Factory.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. Is he old enough to have ice cream yet?

[B]

Yeah, he's had like a little bit.

[A]

Has he?

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

I wasn't there. I was on the road. Missed that. Ouch. Absentee father.

[A]

What flavor was it?

[B]

I don't know. I wasn't there.

[A]

I just wanted to rub it in. Loser.

[B]

I missed that.

[A]

I was. It was butter prickle. Rocky road. No, it wasn't Rocky road. I'm kidding. I was with you. I know, dummy. We had all that stuff. So if some. If something happened, just get that thing and put it on and you'll be all right.

[B]

Yeah, no, we were. I mean, also to my mom. I haven't. Now, now.

[A]

We had a lot of those toilets too, for some reason. We had like one or two of

[B]

those that you would like, sit on, like on a walker.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Like. Like, you know.

[B]

Is that to poop over? That's so you don't have to spend all the way down, do you? In that thing? Probably both.

[A]

Yeah. You pooping that? Whoa. Yeah.

[B]

Like you, like, bent. It's like. Is that so you don't have to go all the way down?

[A]

No, no, it's. I think it's because you don't have to walk to the bedroom, put it right next to the bed. You get out, do your business into a bucket or whatever it is. And then. I don't know.

[B]

That's what I was doing with it. Wow. Yeah. My mom was always. There's a lot of. Not doctors, but a lot of medical professionals in my family. A lot of nurses. He, you know, fucking working in the lab.

[A]

Yeah, that's what we had people working in. Lab. I'm taking medical advice from a dental hygienist.

[B]

That's different.

[A]

I know. Bad Dennis giving you medical advice? I think he'll be all right. If you just. Whatever, dudes looking at my jock itch. When I was a kid, I told you that. I can't remember who the guy was when my mom showed the pep boys.

[B]

Get you up on a lift. Take a look at that thing.

[A]

My mom showed my jockets to some guy.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know what you want me to do with that info, bud.

[A]

I've told you that before, right?

[B]

Yeah. Huh.

[A]

I had it bad as a kid. I think I was like a fucking.

[B]

You get passed around like a loose joint.

[A]

You were.

[B]

The amount of people that saw that schwance on you, no wonder why you're fucked up.

[A]

I had jock it so bad when I was a kid.

[B]

Hell, the guy's touching it will fucking rough it up like you start chafing a little bit. So many hands on it.

[A]

Sex, I got gonorrhea.

[B]

They weren't that fucking cleansing. They weren't that clean in the 80s. Going port to port. No, I. My mom at least knew the series of events and would go like, do this. You know what I mean? Like there wouldn't be like. It'd be like, you have to go to the er.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, we were a biggie. We were a big. How to get the.

[A]

Clean the wound, hit it with a butterfly. Ever hit it with a butterfly?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, Patty was big on butterflies. Love a butterfly. Keep that scar down. Little vitamin E. Vitamin E. We were

[B]

a big vitamin E, fam. Hit him with the vitamin E. I

[A]

love the way vitamin E smells.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Cocoa butter too. In a stick. Ever got cocoa butter in a stick? We had one for.

[B]

We were not a cocoa butter.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

A pale Irish Catholic family. We were not into cocoa butter.

[A]

No, we were into. It smelled good too.

[B]

We were big into a.

[A]

Take a lick.

[B]

Horse hoof cream. At one point I would tell you that this stuff was getting passed or. No, it was for like udder. It was for like cows. Utter.

[A]

Oh, I know what you're talking about. Everybody was using it. No, that's. That was.

[B]

There might have been two different things. No, there was. There was hoof cream.

[A]

It was called like utterless or something. Like fabulous udder. It was hot for a while.

[B]

I remember getting stuff that was in. Oh, I'm not gonna. This is. Put it this way. The stuff we got was in Tupperware. It was. It was from like an industrial size container. Got it from a farm and someone like my grandmom friend had it and would like give my. Remember, it was a Tupperware with a green lid. Never seen Tupperware with a green lid. And it had the little tab on it that you pressed and it popped open. Never seen that.

[A]

That's expensive stuff.

[B]

Yeah. Whoever. Whoever's fucking peddling this hoof cream is making a pretty penny to be giving this stuff away.

[A]

She ain't getting this Tupperware back.

[B]

Not taking my lunch to school at his job. Showing this thing off in a parking lot.

[A]

Smells like hoof cream.

[B]

Peanut butter and hoof cream sandwich.

[A]

Peanut butter and hoof cream. We were into pretty hands and feet for a while. You ever use that? It was an exfoliant for dry skin on your elbows and your knees. That was a big thing at the Foley household. Had to have. Gotta have good elbows back then. Mine are bad now. I don't know why. My dad was always, like. Scrubbed them elbows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We used to use pretty hands and feet. Rubbed right off skin. Great.

[B]

I don't know what. Yeah.

[A]

Not gonna give me a picture, huh?

[C]

Do you ever use Nair or anything?

[A]

No.

[B]

Do you ever use Apple Stop and EPI Stop and Spray?

[A]

Where do you see me using that?

[C]

Just, like, to go smooth, like skin. Just hairless.

[B]

But he's a hairless kind of guy.

[A]

Freak.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No. I would use it on my. On my Jimmy John, if you like. The burn wasn't bad for, you know, your testicles.

[B]

Is it? I'm sure it can't be good for it. It's no wolf cream. I know that much.

[A]

My aunt used Nair back in the day. She would leave it on and come downstairs and, like, sit and watch TV while I was sitting.

[B]

Mustache on.

[A]

Oh, fucking brutal. Brutal.

[B]

There was this dude work, though. Through the 90s. They ran this commercial for Epi Stop and Spray. Do you remember that? Or Epel. Epel or Epi Stop and Spray. It was like a sunscreen spray bottle. And you'd spray it on and you'd wipe your hair right off. And I remember being like, this shit is either. I don't know. This is like. Who made this? The Duponts? This is crazy. I remember being like, there's no. See if you can get that commercial. It's. Dude, it wipes off. Insane. They just take a clean rag and just wipe a guy's leg hair straight off. It's. It's nuts. Apple Stop and Spray.

[A]

Are we allowed to show this?

[C]

Yeah, we can show it.

[B]

Rid of unwanted hair is as painful as a visit to the dentist. You rip, pluck, nick, and cut. There's got to be a better way. Introducing Apple Stop and Spray. The six in one citrus hair remover. That's totally citrus.

[A]

Yeah, right?

[B]

Look.

[A]

Napalm. Get the fucking.

[B]

Dude, it just deletes that guy's Leg hair. How insane is that?

[A]

It's a good thing to have the auto because you hear the guy run that again.

[B]

That is insane. Jesus Christ just disappears like he's cleaning a car. That's nuts.

[A]

That wasn't worth the 50 bucks in the sandwich. That guy got paid for that ad.

[B]

That guy still got skin damage from that.

[A]

You know, he's not getting residuals on that. Even show his face.

[B]

Silky smooth skin.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

How nuts is that?

[A]

Yeah, Brazilian is what you gotta do.

[B]

Laser.

[A]

Nah, the laser comes back. It did when I was banging. I worked in the laser hair removal industry for four years. I did. I told you that.

[B]

Listen, I'm not saying you did it.

[A]

I did.

[B]

I'm not saying you didn't.

[A]

We use Candela lasers.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Check it, it's. Oh, Jerry. Yeah, Candela. We use Candela laser hair removals and varicose vein removals. And I was the driver. I would drive the technician and the machine to a plastic surgeon's office. They would set up shop there for the day. I'd go out to the truck, I'd have like a forty dollar lunch. I called, you know, told you that Burger King listen to Stern sleep was awesome. Put on like £70.

[B]

Yeah, that's a. That is, that is a life period for you. When you, when you get all comfy, you get a couple of bucks in your pocket. You get all comfy, cozy and something. You really blow the doors off the thing, don't you, guy?

[A]

You bulk up. Hey, Russell Crowe does it all the time.

[B]

Yeah, well, every five years you start bringing home Academy Awards and you do whatever the. You want.

[A]

An Academy Award.

[B]

Any Australian ones? He has, has he? I don't even know what they have.

[A]

The Iskas, the Melvins. He won two Melvins there, mate.

[C]

He's got an Academy Award. He does Gladiator.

[A]

He won it. Are you kidding me?

[C]

Best actor.

[A]

He won best actor for that dude.

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm not saying he should. Hold on, stop, stop.

[B]

He almost did the show one time. Didn't they ask about him?

[A]

I don't know, his people did. I didn't say he asked us to stop sending letters, first of all, I'm not saying that.

[B]

You're not not saying.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

Dickhead.

[A]

All right? Kevin is a known dickhead.

[B]

We're all aware of that.

[A]

And uses episole apple stoppage on his butthole.

[B]

That's where my fucking hairline went. I gotta. Got in a tangle with that when I was 9 years old messing around

[A]

with that shit in the bathroom.

[B]

Fuck.

[A]

Should have been jerking off like a normal kid stated. Trying to. Anyway, first of all, he deserved the Academy Award for that. I'm not surprised at all. I just didn't know.

[B]

You seem surprised.

[A]

No, I'm not. I just didn't know.

[B]

What would you. What would you recall if that's not surprise? What's that? What is that?

[A]

I'm surprised that I was.

[B]

You're surprised?

[A]

I was surprised that I didn't know that he got it.

[C]

Also, your gut reaction was no.

[B]

What?

[C]

Because Kippy said if you win.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I'm just saying.

[A]

I mean, the insider. I'd give it to him for Gladiator

[B]

cleaned up that year. Gladiator is one of the greatest films ever made.

[A]

I know it is.

[B]

You knew Russell Crowe. I did not say I knew him. I said he.

[A]

I'm not saying. Listen, I want to get that kind of reputation. I love Russell Crowe and Gladiator. Don't. Don't get me wrong.

[C]

Got 12 Academy Awards that year.

[B]

Fucking bozo.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

You bozo.

[A]

Best Picture.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who. What else? What is up against?

[C]

Let me see.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Set it up.

[A]

No, I was in that as the joke.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was one of. What's his name's first. First big films.

[B]

Russell Crowe.

[A]

No. What's the kid's name? Glenn Powell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A big movie star now.

[B]

Big movie star. And you have gone on to bulk up. You found another bulk in season Part three. You're in reruns.

[A]

What do you got, Lucas?

[C]

We got Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon, Aaron Brockovich.

[B]

Come on.

[C]

Traffic.

[A]

What?

[C]

That was Best Picture movies. You have Best Actor. Javier Bardim, Before Night Falls. Castaway.

[B]

What?

[A]

Castaway.

[B]

He took out Castaway. Damn. This is when movie. This is when Hollywood was good.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Imagine those two movies going up against each other. You don't even get one of those every five years.

[A]

Graphic. Castaway, Gladiator, Aaron Brockovich. In the same year.

[B]

What was it? Yeah.

[C]

You also had Almost Famous.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Yeah, man. Billy Elliot.

[A]

People are running out to see Jake.

[C]

Oh, brother. Where art thou?

[A]

Break. No.

[B]

Get the fuck out of here.

[A]

They were not all the same year. That's insane, man.

[B]

And you're that. You doubted the Crow. You doubted the crow.

[A]

I didn't mean to doubt you.

[B]

It's okay. I'll talk to him. Maybe I can smooth things over for you. Get a role playing. His next.

[A]

He likes to put on a couple of pounds in between projects.

[B]

Sure. He's earned it. That's all I was saying.

[A]

Yeah, I haven't. I can't have a sandwich, I think.

[B]

Listen, your problem is not a Sanguich. Okay, KB.

[A]

Let's talk about 1-800flowers.

[B]

1-800-flowers.

[A]

Did you know the flowers are the number one gift to give for Mother's Day? But it can be hard to know which ones will show mom how much you really mean to you. For over 50 years, 1, 800 Flowers has been helping people send beautiful bouquets to mom that she's gonna love. That's gonna express your gratitude to her for everything that she does.

[B]

And your mother deserves that, Henry. For putting up with your stupid ass for so long.

[A]

Yes, she does, the dumb broad.

[B]

And right now, when you order one dozen roses from 1-800-Flowers. They'll double your bouquet for two dozen for free. That's twice the flowers for mom who gave you everything. For more than 50 years, 100 Flowers has perfected the details that matter the most. Every bouquet is picked at peak freshness, packaged carefully and backed by the freshness guarantee. 1,800Flowers knows that many of us procrastinate. And they'll even be saving up their customers with same day delivery service for years. Even if May 9th snuck up on you, they can still make May 10th count.

[A]

Baby, there you go.

[B]

I've used 1-800-flowers for a couple of a couple of times past years. It's like a set it and forget it. You call them up, they do it. Then your mom calls you. Oh my God. You're the best son in the world. I'm leaving you everything. How you done? Mother's day is Sunday, May 10th. And bouquets are selling out fast. Trust me. Don't wait to claim your double roses offer before they're gone. Visit 1-800-flowers.com garbage that's 1-800-flowers. Com garbage 1-800flowers.com garbage do it. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go get ready for a new case.

[A]

We're gonna crack this case and prove

[B]

we're gonna greatest partners of all time. New friends. You are Gary the Snake. And your last name.

[A]

The snake.

[B]

Dream Team Habitats Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. You're clearly working at Zootopia 2. Now available on Disney. Rated PG. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Joey the Lips. Great name.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

Has anyone you know ever renewed their vows? Damn, dude. That's a home run. I always thought someone cheated on someone when that happened, that's the only. I go, what the hell?

[A]

You read the shit I've ever heard in my life.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I've only ever known the dirt baggest of dirt baggage to do that.

[B]

I don't know what you'd have to do in my family to be like, we're renewing our vows. We want. That was only shit you saw in like sitcoms or something. It was like a bad sitcom plot. I never seen that in real life.

[A]

What's that? That's got to be some. Something had to happen to me.

[B]

It was always like we were about to get separated and we decided to not. I don't know.

[A]

So we're renewing our vows. We're gonna renew our drag everybody to see this one more time.

[B]

Fucking dog and pony show you got going on here.

[A]

Yeah, it's always bad. Like 50 year old people do it, 65 year old people do it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Which as you know, I do a lot of material on this later in life. Weddings.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Have you seen these things?

[B]

Well, I get maybe like if it is. If you're doing it with like, fuck

[A]

that, I ain't going, man, I'm. You're dragging me out to some fucking hotel on a Wednesday.

[B]

Are people. This is what I'm saying.

[A]

Do this shit.

[B]

I don't think people are inviting extended people. They're not sending out invitations. I would assume it's like, hey, me and your mother, your close brother, sister, whatever, you know, like you're like, hey, I'm going to have.

[A]

Hey.

[B]

It would. To me it would be the same people of like, hey, we're having a cookout on Sunday, come over like that kind of. It'd be like, you, your mom, your brother, your mate, you know, aunt, uncle, cousins, like the tight.

[A]

Well, who's. Who's getting married?

[B]

No one's getting married or renewing your vow.

[A]

Who is.

[B]

Whoever. I'm just saying say your fucking. Your cousin wanted to. It would be the. The 20 person circle would get the invite, 10 would show up. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I don't think it's like, like they're not sending. You're not, you know, people from working getting invited and shit. I ain't going, I'll tell you that much.

[A]

You've never heard of anything like that in your neck of the woods, right?

[C]

No, but I feel like my end of it is always like rich people doing it big.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, like, but like still more intimate. Not like wedding size, but like, oh, we're Finding the whole family out to like Turks and Caicos and doing it there.

[A]

Have you done that? Have you seen that?

[C]

Never. I've never. I. It's. I only like TV shows.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I mean, I don't know what it would take for Denise.

[A]

Did they do it on a Fresh Prince? Did they redo their most.

[B]

Dude, every sitcom at some point. That's the only reason I know it.

[C]

I always thought your dad did it when he went.

[B]

When you went to Vegas and the Borgata. That was a marriage. That was a wedding that.

[A]

Me and Texas holding tournaments.

[B]

Shout out to Pinions, Doyle Brunson. That was that. I'm not gonna lie. That felt. That wedding and my dad's second marriage in.

[A]

You were. You went to it too, right?

[B]

Yeah, my little brother was the ring bear. And I thought that was. I was jealous. This kid's fucking killing it. How many people shout out, michael. It was me, my brother. My sister did not go. That was ultimately. Listen. Chicken sandwiches. She threw a party that weekend at my dad's house.

[A]

Sick. Oh, that's awesome. Now my dad's in Vegas getting married.

[B]

I don't know why. My sister's a dumb bitch, but I would have done the same thing. I think it was like after a dance, like, you know, it was like a high school dance or something. Prom, something like that. Maybe. It couldn't have been college. Had to be high school. They took pictures. Disposable cameras. She left the pictures in, like her drawer at my dad's. My little brother was like. I mean, he was like four or whatever. It was just like, found them in her room, came down and was like, here's pictures of all these kids partying at the house. That was the first real split in the.

[A]

Was your dad.

[B]

That was the first big fight. What, was he pissed? He was not. He was not. You've heard stories. He was not happy. But that wedding, it was me, my brother, me, my two brothers, me, Danny, Michael. Matthew wasn't born yet. Michael was. I remember he's like, me and Audrey are getting married. He sat me down. Same. Sit down. I was like, this is bad. Anytime he gets sat down in the family, the living room, you're jammed up. Things aren't going great. He goes, we're gonna. He told me. It was like this big load off his chest. He's like, we're gonna get married. Is that okay? I'm like, I got a four year old brother. You guys have been. You guys bought a house together. What the f. It'd be Weird if you didn't. Guys. Yeah.

[A]

Are you checking in with me now?

[B]

Yeah. I'm like, you own a business together. What the fuck you talking about? Now you're checking. You're taking a temperature on this. A little pot. Committed at this point to bring up your poker analogies.

[A]

They're repoing the car right now. Just pulling out of the driveway.

[B]

I love her, man. Yeah, so it was me.

[A]

What'd you say?

[B]

I remember being like, what? Yeah, like, this is. That's paperwork at this point, buddy. You're fucking. You're in it.

[A]

He asked me this at dinner time.

[B]

Dropped his shit on me. Math test in the morning. I was 10. I was probably 13, something like that. Yeah. So my. My dad's business partner, Sam, and his wife.

[A]

It's a rough squad.

[B]

Dude. Sam. Shout out Sam. He was a older black guy from North Carolina. South Carolina. He had Sam's secret sauce. I told you, used to put that on a hot dog. Blew my fucking hair back. I remember him going, you think you like hot dogs? I go, I love hot dogs. Wait till you see this shit. He was grill. He'd come over to my dad's house and grill for the big barbecues. Man. That was the first time I seen a jar. So an undescript, unlabeled jar of sauce. And he was painless. He might as well have a fucking paint roller to put that shit on the. On the food. But, yeah, them too. I want to say that my dad. My.

[A]

She had to have somebody, right?

[B]

Her parents. Oh, I can probably get the. I can't show the picture, though. Of course. I think her brother.

[A]

But she wear. I bet she was wearing a headband. You know what I mean? Like.

[B]

Like a. Like a bandana. She's not an old lady. It wasn't a patch over.

[A]

No, I'm saying, like, you know, sometimes brides.

[B]

Sure. Like. Yeah. No halos. No, she had a nice dress. It was at the Bellagio. It had just opened. I remember being like. I remember telling people at school, dad's getting mad. Bellagio. And I remember. And then I remember to not being that classy.

[A]

Get the guy you moved in the middle of the night with.

[B]

Yeah, we're doing all right. He's actually gonna marry her. You believe that?

[A]

He ran it by me. I said, yeah, you know, I gave the okay.

[B]

No, they. What was I saying? That wedding. What was I fucking saying?

[A]

You see him, the guy with the hot dogs?

[B]

No. Shout out, Sam. The first conversion van I had seen, too. Let us borrow that to go To Toronto.

[A]

This is real high dollar stuff, right? Hot dog spread and fucking conversion van to Montreal.

[B]

No, that was me realizing it wasn't fancy. This is funny. Like, I've never looked at it through.

[A]

Where'd you eat dinner? I always forget. What'd you do for dinner after?

[B]

Oh, I don't think me. I think the parent. I think the adults went out, and me, Danny and my younger brother went and sat in the hotel room and babysat my younger brother. That's what I remember that vividly.

[A]

Get some of the hot dog sauce.

[B]

They're drinking it. I'm ordering room service. I'm putting it on like grilled cheese and shit. Taking a sip,

[A]

get you in the back of the mouth.

[B]

You guys get a try. I'm telling the bell up. Yeah. No, that I. They went out to, like, play the tables or something and. But it is. I remember going. I remember thinking I was like, the Bellagio, fancy. Vegas. Vegas, to me was fancy at that time.

[A]

And you are fucking control.

[B]

And I remember when I realized it wasn't fancy. We had to wait for another couple to finish their wedding so we could go in. And there was people. We were, like, in line. There was people behind us. And me going, oh, I thought we were the only ones getting married at the Bellagio. I thought, you know, we were.

[A]

You shut the joint down.

[B]

Yeah. I thought it was like a room of floor. Our floor.

[A]

Rooms.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Private plane.

[B]

High roller.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, this was. This was tangy.

[A]

Presidential suite.

[B]

Yeah, this was. We're babysitting. We.

[A]

You know, barbecue sauce in a green Tupperware.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

yeah.

[B]

We had to wait. I remember we stood in, like, a single file line.

[A]

Put that hoof cream on his nuts after all, that sparks line.

[B]

Yeah. That's second wedding shit.

[C]

The party was like, 15, 20 people.

[B]

Well, I didn't go to the party.

[C]

No, like, just your whole group.

[B]

Oh, yeah, maybe. Yeah, probably that. Probably that. I don't think my, like, our good family friends were there. Yeah, I think it was just that. Because I remember just me and Danny running around the casino.

[A]

So. Yeah. Renewing your wedding vows. That's trash, but God love you.

[B]

Yeah. Someone's got to do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Chris. $10, general counsel here. Great name. He's ever been so jammed up. You swapped the driver's side and passenger side wiper blades after you notice the driver's side is coming apart, the passenger side seems to have way less wear on it. I've never thought of that. That's brilliant. That's really good.

[A]

But I've been. That says wiper blades, man.

[B]

I think get them.

[A]

They go quick. They don't get it either you got a good pair. Or the ones on my car suck. Just all of a sudden you get that film. You can't get the. Is that on frost? Right?

[B]

Is that on the inside? I think that's on the inside.

[A]

I think it has to do with both. One. One affects the other because if you. If you're too hot in the inside, it's going to streak no matter what.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know. It's one thing I remember at one point having a pretty good understanding of, like, do you want the. Like. The best thing of, like, circle the air in or pull it in from. You know how you have that? And be like, let's. Let's recycle it or let's bring it in. New intake and, like, the best time for the rain and the heat. If it's cold out and it's hot.

[A]

I'm never.

[B]

I don't know it anymore.

[A]

I'm never at a constant.

[B]

No.

[A]

In the car. I'm always. I'm always playing defense. Hot or cold.

[B]

Yeah. I'm like. You're constantly adjusting it and, you know,

[A]

some people, you know. Fucks me up. When people close the vents and you

[B]

don't realize it and you start cooking on the driver's side or whatever.

[A]

I know somebody that would close the vents.

[B]

Luke.

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But that was unheard of in my family. That's like fucking stealing the flu. Closing events.

[B]

What's your take on this? I was in the back of an Uber with Luke yesterday. Yeah, Big Uber, right? Large Uber. Mm. They got the dials in the back that you can control it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Luke was a little hot or a little cold. Luke was a little hot. And he's, like, dabbling with it, I guess. He can't figure out the controls. So then he asked the driver, can you turn the air down? Like he asked the driver when he's got full command center.

[A]

You know what he was doing?

[C]

No.

[A]

So was it locked?

[C]

He didn't have the AC on, so I'm just getting air.

[B]

I'm not turning the AC on in the back.

[C]

Okay. I stopped.

[A]

Yeah, I'll give him that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I didn't know something. Say something.

[C]

Thank you, Henry.

[A]

You're welcome. Got that

[B]

place in with AI.

[A]

What are you gonna do with him?

[B]

What?

[A]

It's like, you know? You expecting him to.

[B]

I don't know. Yeah, it was just. I saw him fumbling with a child of comfort.

[A]

He doesn't know anything but. He doesn't know anything but to ask.

[B]

He also took us to the wrong location.

[A]

Nice. Brutal.

[B]

I didn't yell at him.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

I don't yell at him.

[A]

No.

[B]

I don't think I've ever yelled at Luke. I've been stern with him once.

[A]

I've never yelled at Luke.

[C]

Yeah, you have.

[A]

No, I have never yelled.

[C]

I've never been yelled at by Kibby.

[A]

I have been yelled at by Kibby. What have I yelled at you. You've yelled at me.

[C]

Yeah, I have yelled at.

[A]

Several times. Yes, several times, L.A. you really yelled at. No.

[B]

Or you yelled at me.

[A]

You yelled at me in la, out of nowhere. Really gave it to me, too. Bit of a turn on.

[B]

That's unfortunately how you get your rocks off.

[C]

Brat correction.

[A]

Whoa, what? Brat correction.

[C]

Yeah, it's a kink.

[B]

Is that what you send me a link on that? Send me a full wiki breakdown?

[A]

Brat correction.

[B]

Yeah, you're being a brat. So you get fucking slapped around a little bit.

[A]

No, I don't like that there.

[B]

You do, little freak.

[A]

No, I don't like watching that.

[B]

No, you like. You like getting slapped, though, Brady.

[A]

Stepdaughter. Step stepfather. I mean, you know.

[C]

You know, imagine you're the stepdaughter.

[A]

Whatever. What are we talking about?

[B]

Oh, you brought it up.

[A]

Creep.

[B]

You're a creep.

[A]

I don't watch that.

[B]

No one said you did.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

I know. I go to the Lord. It's so. It's so funny when you, like, adamantly deny something that, like, you, pure, you clearly.

[A]

I like stepdaughter stepdad stuff. What the. What am I, jerk off?

[B]

No, no one said. First of all, you just said you don't watch that stuff. I don't know what you're doing. You bring. You. You're the king of bringing something up and then going, I don't do that. It's like. Well, no one fucking said it more

[A]

than 11 episole ladies and gentlemen, episode

[B]

epi stop and spray epi stop and spray. Huh? All right, let's see here. This one's from Joe. Joe Garbagio here. $10 shareholder dividends used for poor life choices. Respect. That is it. This is a. This is a dirt bag move. Is it garbage to take all but one debit card out of your wallet? That way, when you're at the cashier and you're not sure if it's going to work, you can rifle through and go, ah, I think my wife took my other Card. This is all I got, like, it jammed up, but trying to play it cool. I like that. Yeah, that's a pretty good defense mechanism. I've never. I guess I might have done. I don't have my wallet on me. I only have this car. I might have done that once or twice.

[A]

I do something similar where I keep a bunch of old debit cards or credit cards in my wallet. So I can. If it doesn't go through, I can. Oh, shit. I don't know.

[B]

But then it just looks like you. All those cards don't work because then one of those should work.

[A]

I say, they're old one. I forgot the wrong one. Let me show you.

[B]

No, I get it. I don't get what you. What you. What if you go, oh, I want to know that.

[A]

I've had cards before.

[B]

Okay, but you don't have any money.

[A]

No. You know, I don't know which one this is. I think this is an old work one. And it gives me more of a story of.

[B]

More of a.

[A]

More props to play with.

[B]

I got denied yesterday, if I'm being honest.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

I went, I got a haircut. And they. Now he goes, you go to any of these places? I've never been to this place. I give my number. They go, can we have your phone number? You already cut my hair. Also, the guy washed my hair. And I'm like, I'm okay. He's like, no, it's part. That's not the price. It's not price. Same price ago.

[A]

I, like, get my hair washed.

[B]

I know, but we were in a rush. We were doing stuff yesterday, and I'm like, I popped in. I'm like, it's more of a time thing. He's like, well, doing. In a rush. I'm so like, yeah, it's noon on a Tuesday. We're working here. I shoot content.

[A]

I love that feeling. It's nice going back in that sink and the warm water running over your head.

[B]

Yeah, but this guy, very. This guy's name was Eli. It's sensual. And this guy's name was. He. Dude. He was like.

[A]

I would say it's. What's the word? When. In the. In the erotic. In the womb.

[B]

In utero.

[A]

Yeah. Get that vibe.

[B]

You. Wait, you got memories from in there?

[A]

No, but I'm just saying it feels good. Like you're. Like. It feels like you're in the womb. The warm water running over your ears and, like, you know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get you.

[C]

Yeah, sure.

[B]

I get that. It's. It's. It's a little too sensual for me.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Huh? I'd rather be doing a lot of other. I don't need my hair washed.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Yeah, I like it. If I hop Broadwood or the fucking knockers are jiggling in my face. Jesus.

[A]

What's wrong with Eli?

[B]

His knockers were nice. Hey, how long you been living in the city? It's like, knock it off. I'm hard, all right? But it got denied. She goes, okay. I give her my phone number, and I don't know how the fuck this happens. She goes, can we use the fucking amex ending in 1004? And I go, I guess. And that is a number that I kind of remember. And I go, the number we have on file? Yeah, I guess. I don't know how the fuck you got my.

[A]

Have you been there before?

[B]

No.

[A]

That's weird.

[B]

But I think they're like, they've. I think a lot of them have linked up or like, if it's like a Toast type thing. If you go, if you. Like, Toast has your information. If you signed up on what the

[A]

fuck, your shit's just everywhere.

[B]

Then, yeah, yeah, you're. I mean, which I'm fine with. But I go, yeah, I guess. And she goes, okay, you're all set. I had already tipped. I had already tipped Eli. Mm. Boom. Hit him with a dub before I even went over. Said, that's for you. The news is like, I like a place where you go and he rings you up, he cut your head and goes over and he's like. He hits a cash register that doesn't have a screen. He's like, it's gonna be 32, but whatever. Here you go. And I grease him on top of the total. Sure, I like doing that. But I saw this wasn't one of those places. They had some. Some broad at the front desk with a bunch of computers and laptops, shampoo. So I tipped him right away. Then I went over to pay because it was gonna be two separate transactions. I get denied. So I pay, and I walk away. I'm getting all my stuff. She goes, kevin, this didn't go through. And now there's like a couple of, like, heavy hitter, like, you know, rich looking guys now I'm embarrassed. And I go, but you didn't. I didn't even know where that card. What now you're just like, oh, you just look like an idiot. You can't. I was like, I think that's an old card. I don't even know that number. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I put it on the company card. I had to show that I had an A. I had to show that I had money. So I like held up the amex like. Well, my amex Platinum work.

[A]

It's not the name.

[B]

Oh, we were shooting content that day. I needed it as hair and makeup.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

That's what I'm telling.

[A]

That's a fresh haircut.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When'd you get it?

[B]

24 hours ago.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Talk to Eli, huh?

[A]

Looks good. Cuz it doesn't look like you just got a haircut.

[B]

No, I'll give you that. It doesn't. Which I normally. I normally wear a bad hair. I normally wear a haircut bad for three days. Skippy Doo. I know, I. I'm jammed up.

[A]

What do you want from me, stink?

[B]

Think about plugs, huh?

[A]

No, you don't need plugs.

[B]

Shark. Hit me.

[A]

Just leave it the way it is. It's fine.

[B]

Not getting plugs. I'm 40. Married, wife, kid.

[A]

Are you 40?

[B]

I be 40 in a couple of months. Oh, you getting me?

[A]

It's in August, Right? Got you a decent haircut, huh? Hey, don't. I'll get you something nice for your 40th birthday.

[B]

Like what?

[A]

I don't know. What do you get a dickhead like you, though? Bitch about everything. You don't like nothing. Remember when you were in the records for a minute?

[B]

I still am. I just bought a record not that long ago.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Why don't you like.

[A]

What record?

[B]

Bob Newhart. I bought it.

[A]

Bob Newhart?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The comedian.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That was like eight months ago.

[B]

That was maybe eight weeks ago.

[A]

Have you listened to it?

[B]

No. So what's that mean?

[A]

I don't know. You don't use a record player?

[B]

I do use the record player. I just. Unfortunately I play Billy Joel constantly for me and the baby when we're in the burbs. Constantly on the record. Because music is supposedly. You can feel the record, not the stranger, more than you can.

[A]

It's supposed to be like classical music.

[B]

No, no, no, you feel the music.

[A]

You went uptown riding in you.

[B]

It is for sure the stranger, Stranger. But yeah, they can feel. They're supposed to be able to feel the music more than digital. Like on a. The pop, the crackle. You feel it in your body. So I play for him and we

[A]

dance, but I like fully form.

[B]

But it skips in the same place.

[A]

Wait, a scratch record?

[B]

Yeah, scratch record. It's also probably from the 80s, huh? I'm not buying new Billy Joel records.

[A]

I think they make them.

[B]

Yeah, that's why they're not printing.

[A]

New waxing, new print, wax. Anywho, pressing.

[B]

But, yeah. Maybe give me a record. That'd be nice. Now.

[A]

Get you dinner somewhere or something.

[B]

I'm all right. You don't want your birthday dinners are.

[A]

No, I'm not gonna go with you. I'll get you a gift card.

[B]

So why would you go with your friend? You don't think I like me a gift card? Yeah, you don't get a guy you like a gift card. You go. You don't think I like. I'll get you a gift card or something.

[A]

I'll get a gift card. Use a little bit of it.

[B]

And it's 3284 on there.

[A]

I already know what I'm getting you.

[B]

What?

[A]

I've been talking to Luke about it.

[B]

The lies. My God, the lies.

[A]

Look, am I right or wrong? You're wrong, you piece. This is why you can't just back me up. Once you were.

[C]

You. You called out my. This episode.

[A]

It doesn't matter.

[C]

You're calling out my childhood comforts as this episode.

[B]

You turn that kind of guy in a conversation, you'll burn a bridge and then get mad. You can't cross the bridge. It's insane. I don't. I like. I'll never expect that. And then you kind of like it that he fucking.

[A]

No, I don't. This. This. I don't.

[B]

This will be going.

[A]

That shows a lot. I burn you, then you don't burn me back. Now you got a friend for life.

[B]

The H. Foley School. School of fucking Diabolical Behavior, ladies and gentlemen. All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[A]

I'm gonna tell you this right now. You forget all that.

[B]

Forget all that we love.

[A]

Forgive the kind of pornography I watch.

[B]

Ignoralize yourself, gang.

[A]

We love you to death. And we'll see you next week.

[B]

Peace.