Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: AYG BEST of 2025!
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Date: December 29, 2025

Overview

This “Best of 2025” episode of Are You Garbage? is a rollicking ride through the year’s standout moments, stories, and debates from H. Foley, Kevin Ryan, and a cavalcade of hilarious guests. True to the show’s spirit, the hosts and guests lovingly dissect their trashiest habits, share outlandish childhood stories, debate what counts as “garbage,” and relive memorable moments from their lives and careers. The energy is high, the banter relentless, and the tone—a blend of self-deprecation, camaraderie, and rapid-fire riffing—remains delightfully trashy throughout.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Dinner Party Etiquette & "Local Pig" Status

• What to Bring:
  • Foley recounts how he often brings “nothing” to dinner parties, joking that as a "local curiosity" or "local pig" he’s more an attraction than a guest (00:52).
  • If compelled to bring something: “A raspberry cream pie from Bryn Your Farms, gentlemen. Which is great. It's a top notch pie.” (01:16, Foley)
• The Little Treat Philosophy:
  • The “treat” mentality pervades: “You gotta have a little treat” (02:10), especially when discussing Haagen-Dazs flavors and the self-justification for indulgence.

2. Hosting Horror Stories & The Trashy Summer Party

• Highs and Lows of Hosting:

  • Kevin reminisces about a disastrous summer party where the Italian chef bailed last minute, but Arthur & Sons saved the day (05:14).
  • “We had valet parking. That's how classy this dirt bag can be.” (05:39, Ryan)
  • Feeny brings his own cooler to a party, cementing his “white trash” credentials with a shin tattoo (07:55).

• Party Themes Debate:

  • The pros and cons of different party foods (sushi, Mediterranean, Greek) are explored, with concerns about “slop factor” and tzatziki breath (09:55).

3. Family Backgrounds and Upbringing

• Single vs. Single Parent Homes:

  • Guests struggle to define "single family home," leading to ribbing about upbringing status and confusion over housing terms (11:10).

• Sports Mishaps:

  • Affectionate recounting of failures in youth sports: “I made it to kid pitch… and then my dad scared me. Got me a special helmet for my face.” (13:45, Foley)
  • Humorous stories about being the slowest pitcher (“I threw so slow, it was hard to time up…like rookie of the year”) (15:15).

4. Food & Trashy Table Habits: The Potato Debate

• Potato Morality:
  • A heated, passionate debate over what makes potato preparations “classy” or “garbage,” especially about putting ketchup on mashed or baked potatoes.
    • “I saw my uncle, he put ketchup on a baked potato. Not garbage.” (17:05, Foley)
    • “You have to have some kind of respect for each different form of potato.” (20:12, Foley)
  • The consensus: boxed mashed potatoes and diners with quick ketchup dispensation are markers of trashiness (21:00).

5. Trashy Economy Tactics & Bar Culture

• Bottle Service Hacks:

  • Outlandish stories of taking home unfinished bottles from clubs—“They cork it for you, keep it…I'd show up the next day, just kill it doing shots.” (23:41, Ryan)
  • Discussing the shame of eating leftovers, sneaking in outside sodas, and treating the bar like a dining room (24:00).

• Club Life Realities:

  • Stories of trying to fit in at fancy clubs and longing for the familiarity of dive bars:
    • “I always felt better at a dive bar…I hated how I felt there.” (28:33)
    • “My boys are over at the club, we’re hanging; when the ladies want to dance, we’re getting down to business.” (29:11, Foley)

6. Fire, Childhood Depravity, and Bar Upbringings

• Pyromania & Parental Supervision:

  • Childhood stories get wild, ranging from setting fires at home (“I would just stay up and, like, throw shit in the fire”) (36:00) to being taken to bars and adult clubs as a third grader (38:41).
  • “Beef & Barrel”—the iconic bar where chicken fingers and Duran Duran forged a proto-comedian (40:23).

• Survivor Mentality:

  • “When you have to learn to fend for yourself…the hyper vigilance is what my therapist called it.” (43:12, Christina)

7. Parent Professions & School Life

• Bar Culture & Standup Preparation:

  • Growing up in bars, eating fried food, and being friendly with “bar regulars” contribute to future comedy chops (45:11).
  • Saving grace memories: “I have the best memories—dancing with sailors in third grade” (46:41)

• School Struggles:

  • Getting cut from sports, even when your dad is the assistant coach: “My dad was the assistant coach—he cut me!” (51:55, Bargetzy)

• Alumni Flex:

  • “I gave my high school money—now my name’s on the court.” (53:10)

8. Trashy Flexes & Everyday Fails

• Double T-Shirt Layering:

  • Mockery of “double t-shirt” syndrome (“That might be the trashiest thing you do—it's for kids!”) (54:41)

• Protein Fart Confessions:

  • Discussion of dubious health choices: “I have been farting so much…15-second fart, gentlemen!” (58:11)

• Misjudged Age:

  • Stories of perpetually looking older: “Since I was 17, everyone thinks I’m 27” (1:00:13)

9. Real Estate Disasters & The Garage Saga

• Garage Catastrophes:

  • The ongoing saga of garages with low ceilings, problematic driveways (“garage built for Chinese”), and life priorities (“I leave the car outside and put my gym in the garage!”) (1:05:21)

• House Flipping:

  • Flipping a Staten Island house, helping “the Palestinians and my Jewish accountant,” and always breaking even (1:08:32).

10. Bodily Functions, “Shart” Philosophy & Gross Honesty

• Adult Accidents:

  • Stories about accidental pooping, “shart” vs. “poop your pants,” and the reluctance to admit the difference. Memorable stretch:
    • “You guys poop your pants?…You boys be pooping in your pants a lot?” (1:24:04, Ryan)
    • “If there's propulsion, that's shitting your pants!” (1:26:50)
    • “I'm so sick of that—you shit your pants.” (1:27:45)

• The Infamous Analogy:

  • “If I was having sex with you and I bled all over your penis and I go, oops, I queefed—that's the same!” (1:28:40, Jordan)

11. Fast Food: The Rise, Fall & Nostalgia

• Birthday Cake Flavor & Cultural Decline:

  • A treatise on “birthday cake flavor” as an emblem of cultural distraction from real problems in the early 2000s (“You thought you’d retire with equity? Here’s some birthday cake flavor.”) (1:40:22, Tim D.)

• The Golden Age of Burger King & Wendy’s:

  • Detailed nostalgia for Burger King’s “crinkle cut pickle” era, and sadness over its decline, tied to “when America is cool, Burger King and Pepsi are thriving” (1:44:51, Foley/Dillon).
  • Wendy’s discussed as the “biggest disappointment—fallen from salad bar glory to inner city TikTok brawls” (1:47:22, Dillon).
    • “Wendy’s in the 90s was the premier…Now it is hell. Kids go in there to film fights.” (1:47:52, Tim D.)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “We talk to an etiquette coach. Bringing nothing is the right answer…they’re bringing me as a local curiosity, an animal you’d point out on a tour bus.”
  — Foley, 00:48

• “Feeny brought his own cooler of White Claws. You forget he’s white trash until you see that shin tattoo.”
  — Ryan, 07:55

• “It’s like the Lincoln–Douglas debates for fat guys.”
  — Foley, on the potato debate, 19:22

• “I always felt better at a dive bar, but that’s what the broads wanted to do.”
  — Ryan, 29:11

• “My mom got the job at Casual Male Big & Tall so she could afford fat clothes for her son.”
  — Foley, 1:18:52

• “It's crazy how much you guys poop your pants.”
  — Jordan, 1:24:55

• “If you fart and it's accidentally a poop, that's pooping your pants.”
  — Jordan, 1:26:27

• “When Burger King and Pepsi are popping, America is at its coolest.”
  — Tim Dillon, 1:44:51

• “Wendy’s in the 90s was the premier... Now, it is hell. Kids go in there to film fights and they know it. That’s the only reason they exist.”
  — Tim Dillon, 1:47:52

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Time | Segment | |--------------|-----------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:52 | Foley on dinner party etiquette (“bring nothing” as “local pig”) | | 05:14 | Kevin’s summer party disaster (the chef, valet, and guests) | | 07:55 | Feeny’s trash antics at the party | | 11:10 | The great confusion: single family vs. single parent homes | | 13:45–15:15 | Baseball childhood disasters; "kid pitch" and special helmets | | 17:05–21:00 | Potato morality and the ketchup question | | 23:41 | Bar and club “bottle saving” stories | | 28:30–29:11 | Hating the club, loving the dive bar | | 36:00+ | Pyromania and growing up in bars | | 45:11 | Early standup roots and bar kid stories | | 51:55 | Dad cutting you from the basketball team | | 54:41 | The “double t-shirt” debate | | 58:11 | Protein bars and epic farts | | 1:00:13 | Looking older than your years | | 1:05:21 | The garage disaster and real estate flips | | 1:24:04–1:27 | Sharting vs. pooping your pants: the great debate | | 1:28:40 | Jordan’s “period” analogy for sharting | | 1:40:22 | Tim Dillon on “birthday cake flavor” and the state of culture | | 1:44:51 | Burger King and Pepsi as litmus test for American coolness | | 1:47:22 | Wendy’s—Greatest fast food rise and fall |

Tone & Language

The episode retains the hosts’ and guests’ signature self-deprecating, vulgar, and heartwarmingly honest banter. It swings between playful mockery, nostalgia, confessions, and philosophical takes on “garbage” behaviors, always with an air of camaraderie and mutual amusement.

Final Thoughts

Whether dissecting the nuances between mashed and baked potatoes, reliving the chaos of childhood or adolescence, or longing for the glory days of Wendy’s salad bar, the “Best of 2025” is a loving, raucous celebration of the trashy, hilarious, and all-too-relatable realities of being (and loving) “garbage.”