AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)

Summary

Podcast Summary: "AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)"

Podcast Information:

• Title: Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
• Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Episode: AYG Goes to Prison - Are You Garbage Patreon (FULL)
• Release Date: May 23, 2025
• Description: In this bonus Patreon episode, comedians Kevin Ryan and H. Foley humorously explore the theme of going to prison. Through their signature trashy comedy style, they discuss survival strategies, prison life, and share amusing anecdotes and insights.

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1. Introduction

The episode kicks off with H. Foley and Kevin Ryan bantering in their typical irreverent style. Setting the stage for a comedic deep dive into prison life, the hosts introduce the premise of determining whether they're "classy" or "absolute trash" inmates.

Notable Quote:

• H. Foley [00:00]: "Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash."

2. Setting the Scene: Preparing for Prison

The hosts humorously discuss their impending journey to prison, contemplating what items they can bring and how they'll adapt to the new environment. They touch upon the challenges of adjusting to prison life, using exaggerated scenarios for comedic effect.

Key Points:

• Arrival and First Impressions: They imagine the chaotic first moments upon entering prison, emphasizing the importance of first impressions.
• Personal Items: Debating what to bring, such as yoga pants and butt plugs, highlighting their comedic take on prison necessities.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan [11:08]: "How to survive in prison."
• H. Foley [03:50]: "My plant is sick and I've had this plant for like eight years. It's all I got."

3. Understanding Prison Slang and Culture

A substantial portion of the episode delves into prison slang and the intricate social dynamics within the penitentiary system. The hosts break down various terms and their meanings, providing listeners with a humorous yet insightful look into inmate lingo.

Key Points:

• Prison Slang: Terms like "shank," "bug," "kite," and "shot caller" are explained with humorous definitions and examples.
• Survival Strategies: Discussing the importance of understanding and adhering to prison etiquette to avoid conflicts and ensure safety.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan [14:21]: "It's a handcrafted blade weapon similar to a knife that's associated with prison inmates."
• H. Foley [19:42]: "I want to hear it from the source."

4. Navigating Prison Relationships and Gangs

The hosts explore the complexities of forming alliances and the role of gangs within prison. They humorously assess the challenges of maintaining one's identity and morals in such an environment.

Key Points:

• Gangs and Protection: Debating the necessity of joining gangs like the Aryan Brotherhood for protection versus maintaining personal integrity.
• Friendships and Conflicts: Sharing exaggerated stories of potential inmate interactions, highlighting the thin line between friends and adversaries in prison.

Notable Quotes:

• H. Foley [25:35]: "We're just not letting you in. Yeah. Then I got all them wanting to kill you."
• Kevin Ryan [46:35]: "You're already doing that. I got a fucking all day sentence of that."

5. Commissary Shopping and Prison Economy

A humorous take on the prison commissary system, the hosts list and critique the items available for purchase, comparing them to everyday conveniences outside.

Key Points:

• Shopping List: From sodas and snacks to electronics, the hosts mock the limited and often overpriced items available in prison.
• Bartering and Trade: Discussing the informal economy among inmates, including trading and extortion, all while maintaining their comedic tone.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan [28:54]: "You got a 12 pack of Pepsi Max. A 12 pack Pepsi Max Max."
• H. Foley [34:50]: "They got that charging out there."

6. Survival Tips and Final Thoughts

Wrapping up the episode, the hosts share their "prison survival guide" with tongue-in-cheek advice, blending humor with pseudo-practical tips. They conclude by reaffirming their comedic stance on not actually going to prison but entertaining the idea nonetheless.

Key Points:

• Prison Rules: Emphasizing the importance of not reaching across food trays, maintaining personal space, and avoiding conflicts.
• Humorous Reflections: Reflecting on the absurdity of some prison norms and their own exaggerated preparedness.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan [47:18]: "Number one. So apparently there are. I thought it was a Joe's. Like that Kevin Hart, Will Ferrell movie."
• H. Foley [56:14]: "Yeah, but they'll step all over you because you're a little bitch."

7. Conclusions and Sign-Off

The episode concludes with the hosts acknowledging the comedic journey they've taken through the topic of prison life. They playfully express doubts about actually making it through prison but leave listeners with their signature humor.

Notable Quotes:

• H. Foley [62:37]: "So what's the moral of the story? We ain't making it."
• Kevin Ryan [63:14]: "And turn state's evidence."

---

Overall Insights:

In "AYG Goes to Prison," Kevin Ryan and H. Foley blend humor with a fabricated discussion on prison life, offering listeners a comedic perspective on what it takes to survive behind bars. Through exaggerated scenarios, witty banter, and humorous takes on prison jargon, the hosts entertain while subtly touching upon the serious realities of incarceration. This episode is a testament to their ability to find comedy in unconventional topics, making it a standout addition to the "Are You Garbage?" podcast series.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. Welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are you Garbage? Salute. Shall we sit down with your favorite comedians? And we find that good to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, Ace Trolley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. But I gotta tell you folks. Why is that, flannel boy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because of the mother. My bad. Windex.

[H. Foley]

What? Blue sky, all day. The homies.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You son of a. They're the goddamn homies. The shareholders, the board members, the sleeper cells, the kippy's eyebrows.

[Kevin Ryan]

As I've been saying, the undercover agents and the undercover brothers.

[H. Foley]

Here for a little bonus episode on the old Patreon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

And we got a fun one for you. As I said, my co host is coming at you from across the table. Working the wood chipper today. Give it up for kj. Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to the homies.

[H. Foley]

Rocco's looking at you in that shirt. Italian sausage place for a lot of people. You've been talking about a lot lately. You know what I'm talking about.

[Kevin Ryan]

That Italian Jane place.

[H. Foley]

Stupid with me now. They do. Sit down now. Lamb's Casino. Not bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you done? That's a very H. Foley move. Introduce me. Then just hang out in my intro. Fucking just loiter and just take.

[H. Foley]

Say hi to the people. You're stolen on camera. You freeze up like fucking Tony Romo over here. Say something. Jesus Christ, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You really are a ham, dude. What? Okay. Shout out to you. I fucking love you. I can hate my co host at the moment, do you? Well, he came as a bad day for you. For being honest with you, I don't.

[H. Foley]

Think that's true at all. Okay, how is it a bad day for me, Luke?

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you run down his statistics so far today?

[Luke]

There's barely run of the mill, but he came in, insulted me right away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Case showed up an hour and 12 minutes late.

[H. Foley]

I did not show up an hour and 12 minutes late.

[Kevin Ryan]

What time are we?

[H. Foley]

What time?

[Kevin Ryan]

What time? No, what time were you supposed to be here?

[H. Foley]

10:00Am Buttons at 11 was. Was what I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

And yes, but that means we show up at 10. We pow. We have a heater, we talk shit.

[H. Foley]

You guys got shit to do. I just come up to works when I Show up. And I usually just get yelled at, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you did come in. You did go up to workshop. We didn't start till 12:15, so there was the hour.

[H. Foley]

Because you guys were talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, okay. All right. Sure.

[H. Foley]

About peanut butter or something like that. Whatever you're talking about.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's about 12 talk to text that I didn't need to hear that. I've heard about 15 re conducting business. Are you coming to the show? That's what I get. Who are you coming with? Something else. But I love you.

[H. Foley]

Thanks, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was talking to Luke.

[H. Foley]

Oh, what are you.

[Kevin Ryan]

What did I insult you about? That's when you know you're wrong.

[H. Foley]

What I insult you about?

[Luke]

Came in late, said, oh, are these cameras stood up? Dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's exactly what you said. Kid's good.

[H. Foley]

Oh, hold on a second.

[Kevin Ryan]

This big phone call. Big phone call we were warned about.

[H. Foley]

Hey, buddy. What's going on?

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. And we're back. Big man had to take care of some business.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

You might have to jump on a call.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was that? The call?

[H. Foley]

That was. I thought he was already done. Really just getting in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I gotta jump on a call.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

My plant is sick and I've had this plant for like eight years.

[Kevin Ryan]

The money plant.

[H. Foley]

It's all I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it. Is that the one?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It might have spider mites or kissing.

[Kevin Ryan]

It gave it herpes.

[H. Foley]

Got a cold sore.

[Kevin Ryan]

Herpes in a bad attitude.

[H. Foley]

I've had it since was a baby. It's like six feet tall now. I don't got any kids. Spider.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't now your kids got spiders. But.

[H. Foley]

And it was in a. It was in a pot. It was doing great. And then it's getting tall. She starts fucking busting my ball. You have to put it in a bigger pot. Put it in a bigger pot and sure as shit it's fucking going now. It's going downhill. And they don't. I don't know what it is. The leaves are turning yellow, but it's not because they're dry. So I don't know if we're over water it underwater it. If there's a fungus in there. Was there not a good drainage in there? So I mean we're like freaking out about this. So I fucking. I found some fucking guy in Long Island City that fucking does. Like. Like he's like a vet for plants. I got him at the house right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

The bird wearing something sexy.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little half priced Iski.

[H. Foley]

Something's like a watch on the ring Cam, later. So. Oh, hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, this is nuts.

[H. Foley]

That was not the call.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, what call are you waiting for? From the guy?

[H. Foley]

That was her saying she's here.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, so you're waiting for a call.

[H. Foley]

He's gonna call. Give me the report when she's done.

[Kevin Ryan]

But. Well, she can't get the report and.

[H. Foley]

Make a decision what she has to say.

[Kevin Ryan]

But, I mean, you don't know any. He's going to go, hey, these are your options. And what are you going to go? Are you going to run it through your botany filter?

[H. Foley]

I want to hear it from the source.

[Kevin Ryan]

Only plant you know are the chiba dog plus the coca bean.

[H. Foley]

Plus I want to be able to tell if he's been smooching Jesus if he's out of breath or not. You son of a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get your hands off my plant and start kissing my wife. God. Gotta love you. You're a unique brand of guy anyway.

[H. Foley]

Gary, and I'm not the type of guy to. I just. I don't want this. I love this thing. I. This is. This is. I've had this thing like seven years. Eight years.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember used to sit on the table when we would do hard feelings at your apartment. And I hated.

[H. Foley]

Now it couldn't. Now it couldn't sit on it. That was like six feet tall.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was crazy.

[H. Foley]

Plus, obviously there's a superstition behind it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

So what happens to that plant? It's like Final Destination. A random two by four will come to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm holding it.

[H. Foley]

The butterfly effect wasn't that same thing?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I don't think so.

[H. Foley]

You sure?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think. I mean, wasn't he cheating Death Kutcher.

[H. Foley]

In Butterfly Effect, something like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, it was just. He would do something and then it was one little thing. The ripples of that change. His life was like different times or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Oh, he was a time traveler.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it just showed him his, like, different worlds or something like that. I don't know. Who cares?

[H. Foley]

I'm a Topher Grace man myself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

You didn't like Topher Grace? He was good in the whole thing. No, it was. Who said he was an asshole?

[Luke]

Oh, that was like a rumor running around.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was to the. Wasn't he the. Didn't Michael Cera play him in Judy's game or whatever?

[H. Foley]

Judy's game, Sarah's game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wasn't he the famous, I think, card play?

[Luke]

I think it's reversed. Topher was playing Sam.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it was Michael Cera.

[Luke]

No, I think Topher was playing. Acting as.

[H. Foley]

You're talking about Ocean's. Ocean's Eleven when they were doing the card.

[Luke]

You're talking about Molly's game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Molly's game.

[H. Foley]

Molly's game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Find out who that. I think that was about Topher Grace.

[H. Foley]

Is that what. Jessica Chastain.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was the. I don't know names.

[Luke]

Yeah, it's her.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Love her.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's all right.

[H. Foley]

Zero Dark Thirty.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah. Zero Kippy Horny. How you doing?

[Luke]

No, it's Toby Maguire.

[Kevin Ryan]

Toby Maguire.

[H. Foley]

Toby Maguire.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking nerds are like. I don't fucking flex on them.

[H. Foley]

You don't like Toby Maguire either? Get out of here, Spider Man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh. Only thing less likable than him is you. That's all I got.

[H. Foley]

I'm no Spider Man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really puttered out on that one.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Let's fucking get into it. We're good. Boys are going to jail.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

It turn states evidence flipped on everybody. Somebody can get me.

[H. Foley]

Jesus Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody get me Todd Spodak on the phone. You know what I want to. I want to do.

[H. Foley]

What do you want to do?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, nothing. I was going to say we should. We should.

[H. Foley]

We sound like a guy. A real cool dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

We should do an episode. We should do an episode where we wear headphones like headpieces.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

So we can use our hands.

[H. Foley]

I use my hands anyway. Down here.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got my thumb up.

[H. Foley]

Got a butt plug right here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Waiting on a call.

[H. Foley]

By the way, this is behind. This is. This is on the Patreon, so we can talk about this. Have you seen the Instagram videos?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a lunatic.

[H. Foley]

Have you seen the Instagram videos where they got the girls in the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God. Don't finish this.

[H. Foley]

They got the girls in the. What's the yoga pants? And they have the butt plug in and you can see the little light in there? Sure, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get you going.

[H. Foley]

Imagine that. Imagine being able to. Who gets away with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

No, but I mean, who has that kind of relationship where they're just doing fun things like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think most of them are porn stars doing it for the video.

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Looks to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What?

[H. Foley]

They're in, like, Home Depot and like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think whores don't go shopping. Are you gonna buy the butt plugs?

[H. Foley]

That's fun. Spicy. Hey, well, we don't do nothing like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'll do it this weekend if you want to come pick me up. I'll put on something. I'll put on something risque.

[H. Foley]

Got a mag light up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keeps falling out, things loose.

[H. Foley]

You got one of those lights that they use to stop the paparazzi. Like a lighthouse. Huh? I love Topher Grace.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. That's neither here nor there. We're going to jail. All right.

[H. Foley]

Danny Masterson. He's in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, Jesus Christ.

[H. Foley]

Not a cool guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're.

[H. Foley]

That's why Topher got a bad rap. They said he did. He didn't like any. Any of that crap around the set.

[Kevin Ryan]

And a grab ass.

[H. Foley]

He had any grab ass or nothing like that. He was. He was professional.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay?

[H. Foley]

That's what I was told by you do for great guy that plays red. I'll tell you what happened.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love that guy.

[H. Foley]

Are you kidding me?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's somebody's brother, isn't he? Your cousin.

[H. Foley]

Let's quit screwing around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So we're going to the can.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're going to the can.

[H. Foley]

Okay? This is how to survive.

[Kevin Ryan]

How to survive in prison.

[H. Foley]

I know how I'm gonna survive.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get my knee pads and my butt plug and my yoga pants. Little Susie.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Now where are we going? Federal County.

[Kevin Ryan]

Federal.

[H. Foley]

Federal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Five years. Federal. That's the sentence.

[H. Foley]

Fuck.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because I feel like anything over. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Non violent crime.

[Kevin Ryan]

Killed a man.

[H. Foley]

Fun guys partying too hard. Killed a guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

In five years. A good lawyer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Todd's vodek got me out.

[H. Foley]

Get you off. What are the charges?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. Something non threat. Non violent. Non violent crime.

[H. Foley]

That's not what I'm telling everybody when I get there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Skimming the how I was. Mine's. Mine's cooking the books.

[H. Foley]

Okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yours could be eating them. This guy ate the whole nonfiction section.

[H. Foley]

Finding out what happened to Harry Potter. Now that's fiction.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's fiction. Non fiction.

[H. Foley]

Books are thick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Mustard?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Said I was eating them. Hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you want to go to jail for? If you did go to, what would it be for? Tax evasion.

[H. Foley]

Don't say that. It's fucking crazy. I'm doing that shit. I'm fucking paying my back taxes.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you do it. I mean, I'm just saying. Obviously not you now, but that is a world where that was the biggest thing hanging over your head.

[H. Foley]

I wouldn't have gotten that. What are you talking about? Would have been. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Paying it now.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one's. Listen. You're getting defensive and weird about this and it's fine. I'm not saying you're not.

[H. Foley]

But it's getting made fun of by the fucking suits about it. I know just tax that I'm paying Off like a dirt ball from fucking. Hey, we're all jammed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

2004, whatever. What do you. Then what do you want to go in for?

[H. Foley]

What do I want? What am I telling people? I mean.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, what do you think? You. You h. Foley. Drugs. That's what it would be.

[H. Foley]

My moving weight net.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're trying. But you talked to a cop, right? It was clearly his. Guy was wearing a uniform and you still sold to him.

[H. Foley]

Cuz if it was, if it was like personal use, I wouldn't get five years.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's what I'm saying. You were, you were, you were behind. You were trying to. You were, you were a middleman in something. Okay, I know a guy. I know a guy. Let me introduce you to.

[H. Foley]

That was, that was real close to happening about 15 years ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did it one time. I got so scared.

[H. Foley]

Oh, it was all set up. It was all set up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I lied and said I was like, I can't make it.

[H. Foley]

My roommates were going away and my. Somebody wanted to finger you now. Wanted to wrap some presents, if you know what I mean, for the weekend. And the take wasn't great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I freaked out about. But then luckily he decided against it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was probably would have been a real cool work environment. He goes to the bathroom, goes back. You're just ravaging all the presents, scumbag.

[H. Foley]

I thought you left.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought you were. I thought you said these were for me.

[H. Foley]

I'm standing out in the hallway, quick, out the window.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I gotta. I got a little bit of prison slang we gotta learn before we get there.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. So we'll do a. How do you say.

[H. Foley]

Cup the balls.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's just how you say it.

[H. Foley]

Okay, I got that down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you know what a shank is?

[H. Foley]

Come on, what am I, a fucking rookie? My cherry, newbie, new fish. I know what a shank is.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is it? It's a handcrafted blade weapon similar to a knife that's associated with prison inmates.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Toothbrush I use. Not using my fork. I got one, yeah. Shank. I shank you. And also a lamb shank, which is nice, but I don't love lamb. Or a veal shank. Kind of an oxobuco.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you know what brake fluid is? This is a pretty good one.

[H. Foley]

Do I know what brake fluid is?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Like the actual definition?

[Kevin Ryan]

What am I, an asshole? No, what you do, you're gonna get. You're gonna get got right away in the joint, in the pen. Brake fluid.

[H. Foley]

Brake fluid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something you drink It's a term for psychiatric medicine. Whoa, whoa. To break fluid in them. Oh, here we go. The big call. Ah, the big call.

[H. Foley]

God damn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the fuck? Who is it?

[H. Foley]

Hello? Gotcha. All right. Let me go. I love you.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. One of the many phone calls has been completed yet again. And I listened to most of it. It was very unnecessary and I'm sorry.

[H. Foley]

It's not. It wasn't the guy. It was so. She was telling me the situation, not the guy. Guess he's not calling me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to call you either.

[H. Foley]

Said the plants all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Need a little bit of bug juice.

[H. Foley]

Give you some bug juice.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, next one. What is a bug?

[H. Foley]

What is a bug? A packet of heroin.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just gonna be your guess for everything.

[H. Foley]

What is a sleeve of heroin?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a person. Like. Like to describe a person.

[H. Foley]

Annoying person.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty good. That is bugging me. This guy's a bug.

[H. Foley]

A bug?

[Kevin Ryan]

A bug is a prison staff member considered untrustworthy or unreliable.

[H. Foley]

Prison staff member?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I guess you gotta play ball a little bit. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It's a whole ecosystem in there, man. Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you know what? All. All day. Huh? All day.

[H. Foley]

All day. Breakfast. I want to get up on this joint. All day?

[Kevin Ryan]

All day.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Like, I'll do it all day.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? You can't just say it back to me?

[H. Foley]

I'm around all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I mean the life sentence I'm doing all day. Oh, shit, that's dark, dude. All night. Fuck that.

[H. Foley]

That's what I mean. I'm telling people I'm doing all day. Murder, triple murder. Fucked guys up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Who was. Who'd you kill?

[H. Foley]

Tony.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? A triple murder? So Tony, you know, he killed Tony.

[H. Foley]

Three times and his two buddies.

[Kevin Ryan]

What were their names?

[H. Foley]

Rick and Steve.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a crew rolling together.

[H. Foley]

Tony, Rick and Steve.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do they do?

[H. Foley]

They're Triads.

[Kevin Ryan]

So now you got the Triads after you?

[H. Foley]

No, we squashed it. I made a deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

What business?

[H. Foley]

They wanted me to kill them.

[Kevin Ryan]

What business did you have with the Triads?

[H. Foley]

Powder baby. Yeah. A couple bug they were ripping off. They were in the Triads? They were ripping the Triads off. I got caught up in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Aren't the Triads Chinese?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

So Tony, Rick and Steve are all high, high end members of the Triad?

[H. Foley]

Why do you think they wanted them out? Tony Yang, by the way, Anthony. Tony Yang and Rick and Steve Chan. The Chan brothers? I don't think that was their real first.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were twins, but they look alike. Couldn't Tell them apart. I'm sorry.

[H. Foley]

Good guys. Well, they weren't good guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had to, but yeah. Why? They were ripping you off?

[H. Foley]

They weren't ripping me off.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who were they ripping off?

[H. Foley]

They were ripping off the Triad.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you stepped in on the. On the Triad's behalf.

[H. Foley]

That's why I'm protecting here. So don't fuck around or I'll fucking bug you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're already doing that. I got a fucking all day sentence of that. Fucking bugging me all day, dude. Shank it with a bone.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's what I'm in for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Doing all day.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should know this one.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

A kite. A kite or flying kites?

[H. Foley]

They're flying means they're bringing over shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

They fly a kite over and drop. Drop the bag in the yard and you go pick it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it all drugs?

[H. Foley]

What do you mean? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

A lot of time on my hands.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. They drop shit in contraband. Now hold on. Don't be giving it away. Let me guess. You're gonna get me killed.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you. I think you see, you sealed your own fate when you killed Tony and Rick and Steve Chan.

[H. Foley]

No, it's Tony.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a double cross, dude.

[H. Foley]

Tony Yang and the Chan brothers. Rick and Steve.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where'd you meet? Where'd you kill him?

[H. Foley]

Chinatown.

[Kevin Ryan]

Little Italy.

[H. Foley]

It's right on that side of Mulberry Street. Yeah, that's where I did it. And an alley back there with a Katano sword. It's all I had with me.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. All right.

[H. Foley]

Flying kites. They're flying kites.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know this one? A lot of rap lyrics. Yeah. Learn from a kite.

[H. Foley]

Learn from a kite.

[Luke]

Could you use it in a sentence, please?

[Kevin Ryan]

Country of origin, Guantanamo Bay. Sing Sing.

[H. Foley]

Flying a kite. They're flying a kite. Isaiah. Use it in a sentence.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a. I think it's a prison guard face. It's a 50 cent real CEO face. CEO.

[H. Foley]

Kippy's tossing cells.

[Kevin Ryan]

Open up that butthole. I got a kite from the pen. Telling me it's in many men. I got a kite from the pen. Told me Tuck got knocked.

[H. Foley]

I got a kite from the pen. A letter. Yeah, that's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

But they can like letters down the cell as well. Like flying kites to each other.

[H. Foley]

Oh yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You're writing shit down. That's first.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ain't texting.

[H. Foley]

I ain't writing anything down. Okay, do my talking with my shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, this one's pretty good. Ninja Turtles. Pooping, drugs, a bag.

[H. Foley]

Ninja Turtles got killers. Boys are Coming. Dudes that try to sneak away in the sewers.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like Pictionary all over again, right? No, I don't think. I don't think that's happened enough to be a name for them Ninja Turtles. It's about the guards. They wear masks, dressed in full riot gear. Also known as. Also known as hats and bats.

[H. Foley]

Hats and bag. I got hats and bats.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turtles coming down, dude.

[H. Foley]

Ninja Turtles coming down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mexicans got on boots. Shout out to Ali Sadiq.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peels.

[H. Foley]

Peels.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. P, E, E. P, E, E, L S. Peels. Peels.

[H. Foley]

Can you use it in a sentence?

[Kevin Ryan]

The boys got their peels on.

[H. Foley]

The boys got their peel. The little socks that have sticky things on them. I don't want to get what's in.

[Kevin Ryan]

The cell in a hospital. I don't think the prisons are worried about their traction. No.

[H. Foley]

Am I close?

[Kevin Ryan]

What's peels? Give me a. Give me a. What are peels?

[H. Foley]

Orange peels.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. Where's all that good guessing now, huh, gang? Huh? Where's all that good fucking guessing?

[H. Foley]

Envelopes.

[Kevin Ryan]

When he doesn't have my great writing to rely on, this is what he does.

[H. Foley]

Drawing envelopes. What? Wearing envelopes on your feet. Peels.

[Kevin Ryan]

See? And he's a good guesser.

[H. Foley]

Hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was my amazing artistic skill and forethought and. And. And quick wit.

[H. Foley]

Stop bringing up old shit. To. To draw a goddamn joint.

[Kevin Ryan]

To draw exactly what he needed to make the first guess. And second guesses at 2, 4. What is P? You said the word flip flops. No. Orange.

[H. Foley]

Orange peels.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's orange in jail?

[H. Foley]

Jumpsuits.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. So they got their peels on. They're in the orange jumpsuit.

[H. Foley]

What would you do?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

With the lap taking at that fucking laptop. Goddamn know it all.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would. I mean, I'd probably have to.

[H. Foley]

What are you in for? Cooking the books.

[Kevin Ryan]

Embezzlement.

[H. Foley]

So we're not going to fucking. We're not going. Max security, Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

There were big books. I was cooking.

[H. Foley]

Going to a country club.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's still. I don't.

[H. Foley]

Are we.

[Luke]

Country club's not federal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, we're doing fed.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it is. Well, they swear when they sent Jordan Belford.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not going to that pussy shit.

[H. Foley]

What? Well, you want the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want Pelican Bay. Send me. Send me with the boys. Give me liberty. Give me death. Lock up roll now.

[Luke]

Country club prisons are private prisons for profit.

[H. Foley]

Ooh. So you have to pay for that.

[Luke]

I. I don't think.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they're Just. They're the. The government. But they pay. The government pays them.

[H. Foley]

So it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was like those kids got. That was in Pennsylvania. They got trumped up Fucking. That judge was taking kickbacks for sending kids to jail for like stealing $40 out of. Cause you get. They get paid per head.

[H. Foley]

But hold up, just. But it's nicer there.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Why can't I go there? Nonviolent crime.

[Luke]

Cuz you killed Tony's dime.

[Kevin Ryan]

Triple homicide.

[H. Foley]

I didn't kill.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were in bed with the Triad.

[H. Foley]

That's what I'm tell people in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't be trusted. I don't know what you're saying. I don't even know you anymore.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna go to the country club though. Learn tennis. I'll work in the. What would you do there?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a prison wolf.

[H. Foley]

What's that mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Pretty cool, right? As a prison wolf, do you know what it is?

[H. Foley]

You're howling at the moon, blowing dudes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Is it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Prison wolf is an inmate is normally straight on the outside but engages in sexual activity with men while in guard survey. He's also. He's also a New York wolf too. God damn right. Wait a minute.

[H. Foley]

What would be your angle when you get there?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd probably have to.

[H. Foley]

Where would you want to work?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd shoot the fade real. I'd shoot a fade real quick.

[H. Foley]

What? Shoot the fade. Get a haircut.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take a little off the top.

[H. Foley]

You got a Gumby in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, guys. Now you gotta fight somebody.

[H. Foley]

No, I don't think that's the answer. That's the fucking movies, dude. First of all, you get your ass beat and then you're gonna be the guy's.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, but they were. You're respected for fighting.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What the. Do you. What are you talking about?

[Luke]

Asap. Rocky said when he was at Rikers.

[H. Foley]

Probably crying at lacrosse camp.

[Luke]

I'll be in the country club. Prison.

[H. Foley]

Oh, father. What do you got?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean what do I got?

[H. Foley]

You said you were looking up what to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. If you have. I think he got a fight. No, I'm telling you.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna get a nice job in the hospital.

[Kevin Ryan]

Patch Adams.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I'm doing something like that. So I'm untouchable. Something positive for the community.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what they want. Well, you in there bugging everybody.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I have a lot. I have a lot that I could, you know, bestow on people. How to be personable, how to kill.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your friends that you're dealing drugs with.

[H. Foley]

All right. I want to backpedal on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a tough guy.

[H. Foley]

I'm not going the tough guy route. As soon as you mention the wolf things.

[Kevin Ryan]

Script change. I don't go to fucking pound pound.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I would be like a counselor. Go in and get it. Be a counselor.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't just become a counselor.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you can.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta go to school. You'd enroll in school. Woodworking. Did you get. Where would you want to work Woodworking?

[H. Foley]

What do you mean? I could teach acting. I could put on a play.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're in jail fucking a double dildo show. What are you talking about? Put on a play? Whoever sells tickets. Hey, Simple Jack.

[H. Foley]

My new play. Tear gas. One man show.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's so bad. Dear. Okay. I think you gotta fight.

[H. Foley]

I'm not fighting. Bitch it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Find out if you have to fight your first day in jail.

[Luke]

Well, yeah. You gotta fuck. Like if someone steps to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. If someone tries to do what you call the outside of microaggression. You gotta fucking. You gotta stand up.

[H. Foley]

Then you get more time and all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

You go in the bathroom, you shoot the fade. They respect it. I'm sure you'll pay. I'll fight myself.

[H. Foley]

You end up taking a dump.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get my ass kicked and shit myself. Good thing I'm in the bathroom.

[H. Foley]

I'm blowing dudes.

[Luke]

That's your job.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like a fat girl at a sticks concert.

[H. Foley]

Gentlemen.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got fucking Kool Aid on your lips.

[H. Foley]

I like it. Set the mixed signals. Hang on a second. I think that I would be able to. With. With my skill set. I would be able to go in and like organize. Like how. Henry Dufresne or what's his name. Was it Henry Dufresne?

[Kevin Ryan]

Andy Dufresne. He was a high end tax attorney.

[H. Foley]

He ran the library like Brooksie. I run the library. I'll raise a bird.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll give you a bird. I'll be blowing a bird eating bird all day. Dude.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, some shit like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I teach people. They're going to see your fat ass waddling and be all over you. Dude, this guy, this guy's got no self discipline. He'll do anything for a piece of candy.

[H. Foley]

Do they have candy?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. How do you bring that up? I have a list of the commissary.

[H. Foley]

Ooh. All right. Now we're talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

United States Penitentiary, Atwater, California commissary shopping list. Way more on here than I ever expected. You got your sodas?

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

12 pack of Pepsi Max. A 12 pack Pepsi Max Max.

[H. Foley]

That seems a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can Get Starry Lemon Lime or Mountain Dew Spark.

[H. Foley]

What's Mountain Dew Spark?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Must be just some prison shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Six bucks and 40 cents.

[H. Foley]

$6.40 for a 12 pack?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not bad.

[H. Foley]

Better than Walmart.

[Kevin Ryan]

This place ain't so bad.

[H. Foley]

You got that charging out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Boys? I'd rather be in here. Really? You guys.

[Luke]

Mountain Dew Spark is just getting discontinued and like, they're pulling it off the shelves.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's all that Pepsi's getting rid of. Starry drinking winter Coca Colas in August.

[H. Foley]

Is that cinnamon?

[Kevin Ryan]

We were with somebody. I was with somebody last night after Spots and they grabbed. Went to get pizza and they grabbed Coconut Spiced. Oh. We passed it around the table. It tasted like cough medicine. It was horrible. He went and was like, I can't drink this, man. It was red, just like a. There's like a little pink at the top or something.

[H. Foley]

Tried to return it. He did.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was like, dude, go get another one. That's fucking. I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna watch you drink this.

[H. Foley]

Is it like. Like Christmas spice?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but it's like Robitussin somebody. I think Tom Cassie said it's a little Robitussen. Look at that Tussin in them.

[H. Foley]

All right, what else?

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a lot of stuff. Ice cream.

[H. Foley]

Okay. That's the manufacturer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Twix ice cream. M and M ice cream.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got your electronics.

[H. Foley]

Electronics you can buy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get a tablet, probably for reading. A radio, an MP3 player or Casio watch.

[H. Foley]

No shit, man. That stuff's probably getting traded. But that. Having any of that stuff makes you a mark. I ain't gonna be walking around my fucking boombox.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I don't think it's a.

[H. Foley]

Steal your shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking prison wolf. Howling at the full moon tonight, boys.

[H. Foley]

Take my watch and my Pepsi sparkle. Yeah, fuck that. You don't go in flashy with that. The pack of Skittles. That's it. Keep me in your pocket.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what year this is.

[H. Foley]

From eating them one at a time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Out of my pocket. You're doing that thing where you slow chew. You put it in and don't chew it right away.

[H. Foley]

You know this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man, I don't let the tongue do the work.

[H. Foley]

It must be high stakes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sitting there.

[H. Foley]

Killed two guys. You know the chance you don't with me. Bad tube playing real cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

You do this. Pass it off.

[H. Foley]

Okay. All right, what else?

[Kevin Ryan]

Food items.

[H. Foley]

Here we go.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a lot, so I'm gonna run it down pretty quick.

[H. Foley]

Hold on. This is commissary or this is at the snack.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is commissary is what you can buy. Okay, the snack shop. What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is updated June 29, 2023. All sales are final too. Limited to one each unless otherwise noted.

[H. Foley]

Limited to one each. You can only get one of each trading shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn, they got a lot.

[H. Foley]

Dude, where the fuck is that? That's what I would do. I'd run that. That's start some scam.

[Kevin Ryan]

No guy coming in is getting that job right away.

[H. Foley]

I guess everybody want to be old. Fucking Red will be in there all day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Red dude, all day, man. He was good in that Morgan Freeman.

[Kevin Ryan]

What I loved about that movie was the book was about an Irish guy and they didn't change the name. So that line about why they call you Red? And he goes, I don't know. I guess my freckles, yeah, it's like breaks that fourth wall. Anyhoo, you got jalapeno summer sausages. You got beef sausage. You got honey pepper turkey log, shredded pork chorizo. You got bumblebee tuna. You got shredded chicken breast, Chinese lump Chung sausage. I'll be doing a boys. You and the Triads.

[H. Foley]

I had enough Lumsung for everybody. Get back in their good graces. Oh, he hit him with a poo poo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guys, let's put this all behind us, okay? You got a mackerel pouch.

[H. Foley]

Mackerel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mackerel.

[H. Foley]

Ew, the fish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You get jalapeno, mackerel, oysters from chicken of the sea.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Flour tortillas. You can get rice and cheese rice, pepperoni slices. I'd be all over them pep slices, dog. You think they got Hormel's in there keeping like a nice slice of pepperoni?

[H. Foley]

Get your shiv on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't care if it's pepperoni. I'm gonna have a slice. Kippy be eating.

[H. Foley]

Good boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got Spam, Got mozzarella cheese stick. I think that's just like, you know, string cheese, jalapeno cheese, squeeze squeezed cheese, a shredded beef pouch, a turkey stick, squeezed peanut butter chili with beans, refried beans, chorizo, refried beans.

[H. Foley]

What are they cooking in the cell? Yeah, but if they're selling that stuff, why don't they give them stuff to cook with instead of doing on the radiator and shit?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I think it's all probably cooked okay. It's like MRE type stuff. Like it's already Shredded chicken in a fucking pouch. I mean, there, that's a deli, you know. That's it for the food items. That's not bad. I mean, like you said, menu. What? Any nudie mags? Check the condiments. You got mayo, Dragon Express, soy sauce, honey sweet and sour hot chili, cream cheese, lemon juice, jalapeno peppers, yellow chili peppers, Tito's Hot dill pickles. I mean, this thing. I've stayed at worse hotels. Ranch dressing packets, minced garlic, minced onions, soul seasoning.

[H. Foley]

Kill for half of that at a Hamptons Inn, late night. He's telling me a little mackerel pouch. That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chips. You got your. You got Jalapeno Cheetos, Spicy Doritos. Sweet and spicy Doritos. A lot of Doritos. Pork rinds, Cheetos, Hot fry. I got hot fries in jail, cookies and crackers, snacks and nuts.

[H. Foley]

I feel if anybody sees you eating that shit, though, they're gonna beat the shit out of you.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I think everybody's eating it, but there's a problem is you buy it and then they go and steal it when you're in a shower. Yeah, I had three packs of fucking ramen there.

[H. Foley]

What am I gonna do?

[Kevin Ryan]

Shoot the face?

[H. Foley]

Start woofing it?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're hiding your stuff. Hey, someone stole my Cheetos. All right. I'll blow you.

[H. Foley]

Man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pretty nuts, dude. That's all right.

[H. Foley]

Realistically, what would you want your job to be? I wouldn't want to work in a laundry room. I know that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

The sisters would get you. They got them. Robin. Yeah. I want to do something. Something good, something that I want to show value so nobody would fuck with me, like working in like.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got it. I know what I would do if there was H vac. Local radio. If there's like a. If there's an in house radio show. I'm a broadcaster. I'm an entertainer.

[H. Foley]

There's no local radio show.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd start one, Write a letter. A senator. He's got a couple airwaves in here. I'd make a podcast.

[H. Foley]

Start a pod in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Start a pod. I'd be riffing on everybody.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

But fun. I get my ass kicked. Call the wrong guy. A prison wolf be all over me.

[Luke]

Yeah, There's a few prison radio stations out there. And podcasts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, I. That's what I would do.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. We'd clean up in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I tell some bits or something.

[H. Foley]

Hopefully we get sent to the same spot. We do it now.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, if it Was? Listen, if it was me and you together in there, it'd be for the better of morale to let us fucking do our thing. Get in there. And Raz, you have to bring in new guy Luke, too. Frame him.

[H. Foley]

It's not bad. There you go. Be like royalty in there. Shout outs, birthdays, doing cameos.

[Luke]

Can't forget a birthday, though.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

You jammed up. They're looking all year for that.

[H. Foley]

The whole thing's birthdays. Everybody in there getting real cozy with the warden, too. Start working in his office.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tough to get to, though. You think the warden's not just. He's not taking office hours.

[H. Foley]

Those guys usually.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want to see if they have porn.

[H. Foley]

No. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. You can't get your hands on a nudie Meg.

[H. Foley]

I don't think so. Maybe somebody sneak it in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Would you want them come visiting you?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Would you want them come. Come visiting you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Them?

[H. Foley]

My wife and her new husband.

[Kevin Ryan]

How you guys doing?

[H. Foley]

Heard you got a small dick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that him? To me? Insult injury. Wow.

[H. Foley]

Back to the terms.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

See if I can get some stuff down here so I know what the hell's going on. I got the shiv. I got the bug.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stainless steel ride.

[H. Foley]

Stainless steel ride. The toilet.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's pretty good.

[H. Foley]

Pretty good, though. Stainless steel ride. Like R I D, not rod ride. Ride. I'll take you down on a stretcher.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not bad.

[H. Foley]

Wheelchair.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gurney. So trashy. He's on a gurney.

[H. Foley]

If you're on a gurney, you ain't making it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're fucking jammed up. Took him out on a gurney. Stretcher. It's all right. When my mom says gurney, man. You got about 24 minutes to live. He took him out.

[H. Foley]

You're definitely not giving the thumbs up. You're fucked up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Took him out on a gurney. Took him. That's such a Philly trash, like, trashy word in the field. Took him. And it's always whispered, they took him out on a gurney.

[H. Foley]

That whenever the helicopter had to show.

[Kevin Ryan]

Up, they medevaced him.

[H. Foley]

They landed.

[Kevin Ryan]

That and the jewels of life. They're gonna need the jewels of life to get you out of there.

[H. Foley]

I remember I didn't know what that was. And they used to make fun of me for eating so much when I was a kid. I think when I finally saw. That's goddamn rude.

[Kevin Ryan]

They called you the jaws of life.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, like the jaws of life over there. And then I saw it on an episode of Cops. That's fucking mean. Things cutting through metal.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't like it because I thought it ate the metal. Like, it was like. You know what I mean? Like, this is a big pair of scissors, you know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

But you kind of is what it is. A big pair of scissors.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what it is. Yeah, I thought the jaws. I thought it was like a machine that, like, ate. They're like, ate the metal till you got it. No, I was a young kid robot.

[H. Foley]

Okay. What is stainless steel? Ride wheelchair.

[Kevin Ryan]

Death by lethal injection.

[H. Foley]

A stainless steel.

[Kevin Ryan]

The needle.

[H. Foley]

A stainless steel riding the lightning. I'm not getting that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who knows? You could turn. Well, you could go bad for you in there.

[H. Foley]

No, they don't. They don't give you. They don't give you a death penalty if you kill somebody in there.

[Luke]

Yeah, they do.

[H. Foley]

That's what you got to do. Be a psycho. I don't want to be in solitary.

[Luke]

Are you in solitary?

[Kevin Ryan]

The walls would give up.

[H. Foley]

Hey, guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Where you going?

[H. Foley]

Mm. Mm. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, God. I think there's only one or two mil mil more. Oh, what's roadkill?

[H. Foley]

That don't sound good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you get heaters in jail?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Smoke cigs in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that might have changed, though.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah, no. Gotta be able to smoke a cig.

[Kevin Ryan]

I see what you're saying, but also.

[Luke]

Dude, I think it's state by state.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

Uh, you can still buy tobacco and cigarettes on commissary in New York.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you smoke in your jail cell? Like, can you just be cranking heaters?

[H. Foley]

Rikers look scary.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a buddy do sometimes do a. Do a couple, like, overnights in there for, like, petty shit.

[H. Foley]

They just put everybody in there. Yeah, petty shit. Petty shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or, you know them. No, violent.

[H. Foley]

Oh, drugs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I forget exactly. Why are you trying to pin him down?

[Luke]

You're banned from smoking in prisons, but you can buy them in some states.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Wait, you're banned from smoking in prison?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. It's a fucking state building, and they're going into fucking city hall lighting up.

[H. Foley]

Can you smoke out in the yard?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[Luke]

But then a lot of, like, guards, I guess, like, ask the union. The. For the prison guards, like, allows them to smoke. So then there's, like, some.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's probably, like, one of those gray areas where it's like, you can buy fireworks in Pennsylvania as long as you don't live. Like, you can't let them off or whatever.

[H. Foley]

So they're selling heaters, but you can't smoke them?

[Luke]

Well, they're selling them for sexual favors, apparently.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's not selling them. Not the inmates. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Selling them to who you become each other. I also don't think that many people are. Smoke. I mean, obviously, still. But it's not like the 70s or whatever or fucking everybody lighting up, right? Oh, God.

[H. Foley]

I guess I go in there and get an education. Start reading. Go Muslim.

[Kevin Ryan]

You would be annoying. You'd be annoying the shit out of your fucking cellmate. You want top bunk or bottom bunk? You gotta go bottom bunk.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had nobody. Man, are there a lot of fat guys in jail like that? I don't know where you're gonna search to find that. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

But, like, I got a fat ass too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a bigger guy.

[H. Foley]

Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a riot. Use you as a battering ram. Everybody get behind you. Because there's some people that go to jail and lose weight. There's some people come out fat. Because, like, you're just sitting around eating all day.

[H. Foley]

No, I'd tighten it up. Would you put that list. The snacks? Yeah. Not eating. Fucking mackerel pouches. I've seen those turkey sausages with the guy making the smoked links. That shit sucks. Spam. I could get by, but I gotta have it grilled.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd be talking on the toilet when you're in there.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you know that?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I've seen that video.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love that video.

[H. Foley]

I can't poop in there. I can't poop somebody watching me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got.

[H. Foley]

Imagine my dumps in there. Jeez. They'd murder me just because of that. Got a bad gastral tract. Smelly. Be pissing people off. What do you got?

[Luke]

35. On average. 35% of the population was overweight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but that's. I mean, I'm overweight. I'm in. Look at me. I mean, I'm in great shape.

[H. Foley]

Would you start running game?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

Trying to hoop.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd shoot around. Yeah, but then it's like if I dunk on the wrong guy, I do a 360 tomahawk on the head of the Crips.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to embarrass you in front of your friend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jammed up. Had to join the Aryan Brotherhood.

[H. Foley]

I'd work in the hospital.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that the only white gang in prison?

[Luke]

I think from what I know from tv.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me do a little research.

[H. Foley]

I mean, because I don't think the Van Buren Boys are in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd want to join a gang, but clearly. Obviously, not that one.

[H. Foley]

You'd want to join a gang for protection. You'd have to do something What? I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta blow that fat guy in cell three. Hello, Kevin. I don't.

[H. Foley]

Is that it?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's gotta be it. Which is. That's a. You can't.

[H. Foley]

Could you join the other gangs? Like, can I get into the Crips or the Bloods or something?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. I think it's straight. I think in jail it is, like, 99% race.

[H. Foley]

Come on, fellas.

[Kevin Ryan]

Segregate. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Like this. We're all the same.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Hey, guys. What the hell? Huh? A couple of normal guys.

[Luke]

Seems like all the other white gangs are a subsidiary of the Aryan Brotherhood.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Luke]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So you have to be racist. I don't want to do that. It's not cool, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You already killed three Chinese guys.

[H. Foley]

Not because of that. I had my back against the wall, you know?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that sucks for white guys in jail, because that's the only one that's really based on not liking other races.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Crips are like, hey, we just don't like any. We just really like the Crips.

[H. Foley]

We're just not letting you in. Yeah. Then I got all them wanting to kill you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. It's like you get a. You get a handful of guys with you, but then you.

[H. Foley]

I want to hang out with those guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. I got a couple prison survival guide rules.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Number one. So apparently there are. I thought it was a Joe's. Like that Kevin Hart, Will Ferrell movie. Like going to prison or whatever.

[Luke]

Get hard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get hard.

[H. Foley]

Not bad.

[Luke]

Pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

There are prison consultants that if. I guess if you're getting locked up, you go to these guys and they fucking give you the rundown.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I'm gone.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I'm running. I'm out. South America. Gone. Thailand. Bangkok, Hong Kong. I'm fucking slipping away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck that, okay?

[H. Foley]

I ain't going to Canada. I don't like the food.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like those French fucks.

[H. Foley]

Too cold.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never change the TV channel without asking other.

[H. Foley]

Jesus Christ. I learned that from my dad. I gotta get a fucking consultant to do that. Change the channel. You crazy? I'm fucking rocking the boat.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a buddy of mine, said he changed the channel. He was down in, like, Cape May Courthouse. And there's a lot of bloods down there that live in, like, Wildwood proper, like, all year round. And he goes. I didn't realize he wasn't in. Like, he was in there. The guy. The same guy, like, whatever.

[H. Foley]

Who's touching the tv.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was in there by himself and it was on Nobody was in there when my buddy walked in or whatever. So, yeah, no. What the fuck? Changed the channel and the guy came in and he's like. As I was changing, I just. Fucking right in my rib cage, like from behind. He's like, I dropped.

[H. Foley]

Waiting for you now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Set the trap. Get him.

[H. Foley]

Damn. Yeah, you're putting on cartoons or something.

[Luke]

Like Rick and Morty.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's when I decided to stay in North Wild.

[H. Foley]

You guys ever see this?

[Luke]

He's a pickle.

[Kevin Ryan]

He gets me everything. That's a great line from. That's a great thing. From Longest Yard, the real badass guy loves watching the View. And it cuts to Joy Beheart. And he's smoking his thing. He goes, where did she come up with this? Where did she come up with this?

[H. Foley]

Okay, don't touch the tv.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't touch the tv.

[H. Foley]

Got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Roger that. Never reach across another inmate's food tray.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dining halls can hold hundreds of inmates at a time and are frequently where riots and disturbances jump off. This guy's using the lingo. I was sitting in an inmate dining hall at a four man table for lunch in Safford, Arizona. I watched in amazement as a newly arrived inmate sitting next to me reached across the table, reaching over another inmate's food to grab a salt shaker. I got salt shakers. The inmate that be fucking winging them at people.

[H. Foley]

I got the olive oil on the thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Smashed him in the head, knocking them out. Never reach across a food tray. Never sit on another inmate's bunk without permission. I mean, you don't go to someone's house and lay in their bed.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You did it to me on the bus with your fucking dirty underwear.

[H. Foley]

It's true. You didn't do shit about it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I should have blew you.

[H. Foley]

That would have taught me. No, I did.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said get the fuck off. I thought we were friends. I can't maneuver. I got it.

[H. Foley]

My ass cheeks were already in. That don't matter. Rubbing it in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gimme stiff fucking pink eye.

[H. Foley]

Spread my butthole when I sat on it. Bare ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This is what you can take with you into prison and what you have to leave behind. Most medications you're allowed to take.

[H. Foley]

Okay. I take my Nexium. Heartburn City.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you can buy that in the commissary. You can buy all that. You can buy Tums and all that kind of stuff. They have like prescription. Oh, really?

[H. Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Over the counter medications.

[H. Foley]

They have to supply all that stuff, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

They're not gonna need my heart medication, are they.

[Luke]

Nah, that was actually a reason they don't want people smoking because they have to pay for all the health.

[Kevin Ryan]

Think about you get. Fuck. Yeah, that makes sense.

[H. Foley]

Gotta cough. Something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That cough. I'd be fucking. I'd be fucking two packs a day kipirino in there.

[H. Foley]

Trying to get some hospital time.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. It says don't plan to bring. Don't plan on bringing anything with you other than clothes, glasses, and possibly a list of medications. Be further warned, don't try to sneak anything in. You will be thoroughly searched on your way in. And very few things are worse than making a first impression smuggling in contraband.

[H. Foley]

What about my wallet?

[Kevin Ryan]

Meat wallet. On you, bud.

[H. Foley]

That's my meat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your. That's where you keep your belongings.

[H. Foley]

Give me my pocketbook. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Other than a single pair of whites, I don't know what that is. That. Shoes. A pair of glasses and I'll give you shoes. Yeah. The prohibition extends to your leisure items as well. You will not be able to bring in games, cards, books, ipod or anything or any of that sort of stuff with you. The first 6 to 12 hours. The first 6 to 12 hours will likely be some of your worst. You won't go straight from freedom to doc in most circumstances. After you are remanded the custody of the Department of Corrections, you will be held at the county jail until they can transport you. Blah, blah, blah. That makes sense. Yeah. Like till you get to prison.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kevin Ryan]

It might take like 48 hours or whatever when the day arrives for you to be transferred. You'll likely be woken up extremely early, around 3am to be gathered and put on a ball. Man can't even get a good night's sleep for the worst day of your life. You're going in half cocked. That.

[H. Foley]

What about my sleep apnea machine?

[Kevin Ryan]

See if you can. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

You have to.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't have to.

[H. Foley]

I'll be cranky.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm gonna be quite upset. I'll be in a bit of a mood.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You gotta be able to take that in. It's a medical device. Prescribed by a doctor.

[Luke]

Yes. If it's like prescribed by a doctor. If you get a medical note.

[H. Foley]

Man. Trying to look tough in there with that on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've seen you. It's a tough look.

[Luke]

I don't think you'll be allowed one, though. You're a high risk case. Why you got to be a low risk? Low security risk.

[H. Foley]

High security. I can't get over the fence.

[Luke]

Took down three triads.

[H. Foley]

I see my reputation Proceeds.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This is the one thing I end up finances and buying the necessities. Your weekly spending in prison has a hard cap of $100.

[H. Foley]

Where am I getting that? They give me that.

[Kevin Ryan]

People put it on your books to help you out. Outside guys put it on your books.

[H. Foley]

The government doesn't pay for that. What if I got nothing? I can't get a soda?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. You killed all the. You shouldn't have killed those Triads. I'd put money on your books.

[H. Foley]

You would?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. 10, 20. I'd float you 20. I want 30 in return.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's some of them sausage links.

[H. Foley]

I'd put money on your books, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You wouldn't.

[H. Foley]

Yes, I would.

[Kevin Ryan]

You wouldn't.

[H. Foley]

I would, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're probably the reason I'm sitting in jail.

[H. Foley]

I check in on the family as well. I didn't mean it like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't say anything.

[H. Foley]

Stop by and see your mom.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rat trying to hook up with every female in my family. I stopped by your Aunt Patty's, too. Yeah, she's doing all right. Your Uncle John was there, so I left.

[H. Foley]

I'm out of here. Okay. All right. Hundred bucks A week?

[Kevin Ryan]

A day. I think.

[H. Foley]

A day. I mean bad. You put a hundred bucks a day in there for me?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Weekly spending has a hundred bucks.

[H. Foley]

All right, so I. At the end of the month, I could have 400 bucks. I could keep me alive after that for snacks and half of that for paying people off.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't get your money. It's only. Can you. Not giving you cash.

[H. Foley]

I'll let them get whatever they want.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that. No, that's no good.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

The second they know they. Second, they'll walk all over. Slippery slope. This is the thing. You got to fucking shoot the fade. And you can't give nobody nothing. Then you know you're a whore. I'd rather be a prison wolf.

[H. Foley]

That's the same thing, isn't it?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Prison wolf.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but they'll step all over you because you're a little bitch.

[H. Foley]

I don't know why you said it like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's trying to have sex with my aunt.

[H. Foley]

She's trying to make friends.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, here's this and that. And then they go, hey, you got money? Then they lean it on you for fucking outside cash. They're extorting you on the out. Hey, my Buddy Jimmy needs 10 grand.

[H. Foley]

Where am I getting at? I'm in the joint.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got it on the outside, though.

[H. Foley]

I got nothing on the outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know that. Patty hey, listen, you familiar with BlueBell, Pennsylvania.

[H. Foley]

Talk about a prison wolf.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you see what I'm saying? Yeah, I see what you're saying. They lean on you once you go. I'll get you. Give them an inch, they take a mile.

[H. Foley]

So I got to go in there swinging?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You got a fucking work out a.

[H. Foley]

Little bit before I go in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Get my steps back in. Hey, you little bastard. You probably wouldn't come visit me.

[Luke]

I'd be there. Conjugal visits.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[H. Foley]

I'd be showcasing you around with a voice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ladies, gentlemen.

[H. Foley]

Hundred bucks. What else?

[Kevin Ryan]

Violence can and will happen.

[H. Foley]

Oh, fuck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you, man.

[H. Foley]

I know it can.

[Kevin Ryan]

You absolutely do not want to find yourself owing any money to anyone in prison. If you're going to gamble, make sure you can cover your debts.

[H. Foley]

Gamble?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I'd be running a racket. I'd be cooking the books. Fucking talk about screwing people over.

[H. Foley]

Kippy's casino.

[Kevin Ryan]

Other inmates can and will fashion weapons. Even if you keep your nose clean and stay far away from physical violence yourself, it still may encounter violence. Always be aware that prisoners are not as secure as we want to believe.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you'll get got. But one good thing about prison, you can watch a Super Bowl.

[H. Foley]

Oh, great. I want to watch the Chiefs win again.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, I got prison. Don't. No staring. What?

[H. Foley]

If you like a guy trying to give him this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing the blowjob to him.

[H. Foley]

No staring. Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Prison number two. Don't ask why other inmates are in there, right? But when you get there, they're going to check your papers.

[H. Foley]

Who's gonna.

[Kevin Ryan]

They run. They run your papers.

[H. Foley]

Who does? The other guys?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, the guys who run the fucking cell block.

[H. Foley]

What? What's a shot caller?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're looking at them, though. Call that the gippie flatbread freak.

[H. Foley]

What's a shot caller?

[Kevin Ryan]

I couldn't do five years without a flatbread. I'd have to smug. I'd have to smuggle something in. Had to make my own turkey. Smoked turkey, sausage, mackerel, flatbread.

[H. Foley]

Put a little bit of jalapenos on.

[Kevin Ryan]

It, couple of poppers.

[H. Foley]

Okay. What's a shot caller?

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody who calls the shots in prison. The big boast of the noaf.

[H. Foley]

Some guy who runs the prison.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shot caller.

[H. Foley]

Can I be friends with him?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll think about it.

[H. Foley]

But then he gets got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then number two man gets it first.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't know. Get me quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, what were we saying? What did we just say before? Shot caller.

[H. Foley]

Don't ask what anyone. Look at Your papers.

[Kevin Ryan]

They run your papers to see what he's in for. Yeah. And they run it up the flags. They run it up to the flagpole, either to the staff or someone on the outside. They check to make sure it's all right. And if you have, like, charges, that.

[H. Foley]

Says, like, Martha Stewart was okay when she got out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

They're just making sure you're not a chomo.

[H. Foley]

What's a chomo?

[Kevin Ryan]

Child molester. Oh, it sounds cooler than a child molester. Right?

[H. Foley]

I get confused with the lingo. Yeah, I'm a chomo. What's up from east la.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's up? Chomo. Yeah. Okay, so they run your papers. One to make sure you're not a child molester.

[H. Foley]

I could beat one of them up for them, prove my worth, get your ass kicked.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then he blows you.

[H. Foley]

Hey, stop that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're laying on the ground. Get off of me.

[H. Foley]

Prick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Too old for you?

[H. Foley]

48. God damn. Can't get hard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Prison wolf shrinks again.

[H. Foley]

All right, so they run your papers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Run your papers to make sure you're in for what you're in for. You didn't flip or turn state's evidence on someone else. Fuck. Yeah, you're old. You're fucked, dude. Yeah, so they.

[H. Foley]

And, like, let's say you do witness protection.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's say, oh, I stole a car. They then, like, find out. They look to see if that charge makes sense. And, like, you know. Oh. And then they go, no, I pled it down to this. It's like, they.

[H. Foley]

So in case you're a cop. An undercover cop in there, just in case you flew.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, whatever. They're just checking to make sure you are. You're valid, as they say.

[H. Foley]

So if I'm. What if I. What if I get them to think I'm an undercover cop in there? Well, they're not. Fuck with me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think that's a good idea.

[H. Foley]

I got a uniform.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what's going on here, boys? Keeping your notes clean? Would you get a tat? Prison tat. Pass the time.

[H. Foley]

What's the alcohol situation in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Fucking alcohol wipes or something. Probably not the cleanliest thing. Want that shit? Something tasteful? Open for business.

[Kevin Ryan]

In this, you've been beat up and molested, and you're like, I don't know, get an alcohol wipe in here. That's. That seems icky.

[H. Foley]

Nah, I wouldn't get a tat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, cool guy.

[H. Foley]

I'm definitely not getting that. Aryan Brotherhood. I gotta work when I get out of this. Just. Christ.

[Luke]

You just gotta light up. Butt plug.

[Kevin Ryan]

You spend your hundred dollars a week on butt plugs.

[H. Foley]

Batteries for it. Clock's running.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keeps falling out. We gotta wrap it up.

[H. Foley]

Is that it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So what's the moral of the story? We ain't making it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll make it.

[H. Foley]

How you gonna make.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you. I am. Figure it out.

[H. Foley]

You probably come. You wouldn't have it. You'd be missing a couple of teeth. I think that a little. Lack some.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd get it. I'd get a. I'd get a teardrop real quick.

[H. Foley]

No, you didn't do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe a little fill in the hairline. Lighter.

[H. Foley]

It's just that Indian ink doesn't even matter.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's. It's running when I sweat. What's up guys?

[H. Foley]

Gang. Keep your nose clean out there. We love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

And turn state's evidence.