Babies at the Bar w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Babies at the Bar" – Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode Overview

In the July 31, 2025 episode of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley delve into a family-centric edition where personal anecdotes blend seamlessly with their signature comedic assessments of "garbage" behavior. This episode highlights the challenges of parenting while maintaining a "dirtbag" lifestyle, interspersed with humorous takes on everyday situations.

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1. Introduction and Setting the Scene (00:00 – 02:00)

The episode kicks off with the hosts setting a relaxed, humorous tone, playfully introducing their style of blending comedy with personal stories. They joke about their self-proclaimed status as "garbage," setting the stage for the candid and humorous discussions to follow.

Notable Quote:

• H. Foley (00:49): "Doing pretty well for herself."

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2. Family Episode Kickoff (02:00 – 09:00)

Kevin Ryan announces the episode as a family edition, introducing his cousin Lukie Patuki. The conversation quickly shifts to parenting, with Kevin sharing his firsthand experience of taking his baby to a bar—a scenario that sparks laughter and relatable content for many parents juggling social lives and childcare.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan (05:33): "I was in. I... think of the whole trash thing. What is in me? What is learned?"
• H. Foley (12:00): "You just got to make sure that they got their shit together."

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3. Navigating Parenting in Social Settings (09:00 – 27:00)

The hosts explore the intricacies of being a new parent in traditionally adult environments. Kevin recounts his experience at the Lazy Bass bar with his infant, dealing with judgmental stares and the challenges of keeping his baby calm amidst loud music and a bustling crowd. H. Foley empathizes, sharing similar anecdotes and emphasizing the stigma around parents frequenting bars with their children.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan (14:07): "I don't know. I was catching eyes."
• H. Foley (21:04): "There ain't nothing trashier than seeing a baby in just a diaper out in public."

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4. Audience Questions and Comedic Insights (27:00 – 57:00)

The episode transitions into a Q&A segment, where listeners submit their dilemmas for the hosts to judge. Topics range from the ethical implications of modifying car warning lights before a trade-in to the mundanity of washing bath mats. Each question is met with sharp wit and humorous judgment, staying true to the podcast's theme of identifying "garbage" behaviors.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan (31:56): "I signed the offer from the dealership and practically ran out the door."
• H. Foley (43:06): "There was a minute..."

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5. Comedic Banter and Storytelling (57:00 – 65:00)

The hosts engage in light-hearted banter, sharing stories from their past and poking fun at various scenarios. A standout moment involves a discussion about using Cameo for personalized wedding messages, where Kevin humorously critiques his father's choice to feature a member of Steel Panther delivering a congratulatory message.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan (60:13): "Ever seen someone eat a cig?"
• H. Foley (60:23): "The shocker."

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6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts (65:00 – End)

Wrapping up the episode, Kevin and H. Foley reflect on the day's discussions, reinforcing their unique blend of humor and candidness. They encourage listeners to embrace their imperfections while navigating life's quirky challenges, embodying the podcast's ethos of finding humor in "garbage" situations.

Notable Quote:

• H. Foley (65:10): "We love you to death, huh? And we'll see you next week. Peace."

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Episode Highlights

• Parenting Challenges: Kevin's experience of taking his infant to a bar serves as a humorous yet insightful look into modern parenting dilemmas.

• Audience Engagement: The Q&A segment provides relatable content, showcasing the hosts' ability to infuse humor into everyday problems.

• Comedic Storytelling: Personal anecdotes about dealing with family, social norms, and quirky situations keep the conversation lively and engaging.

• Signature Humor: Throughout the episode, the hosts maintain their trademark blend of self-deprecation and sharp wit, ensuring listeners are entertained while reflecting on the humorous side of "garbage" behaviors.

Conclusion

"Babies at the Bar" epitomizes Are You Garbage?'s commitment to delivering laughter-filled content that resonates with listeners' real-life experiences. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley skillfully navigate topics ranging from parenting challenges to everyday consumer dilemmas, all while maintaining their comedic flair. This episode serves as a testament to their ability to find humor in the mundane, inviting listeners to laugh at themselves and embrace their "garbage" side with pride.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• H. Foley (00:49): "Doing pretty well for herself."
• Kevin Ryan (05:33): "I was in. I... think of the whole trash thing. What is in me? What is learned?"
• H. Foley (12:00): "You just got to make sure that they got their shit together."
• Kevin Ryan (14:07): "I don't know. I was catching eyes."
• H. Foley (21:04): "There ain't nothing trashier than seeing a baby in just a diaper out in public."
• Kevin Ryan (31:56): "I signed the offer from the dealership and practically ran out the door."
• H. Foley (43:06): "There was a minute..."
• Kevin Ryan (60:13): "Ever seen someone eat a cig?"
• H. Foley (60:23): "The shocker."
• H. Foley (65:10): "We love you to death, huh? And we'll see you next week. Peace."

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a delightful mix of relatable parenting stories, audience interactions, and the hosts' unfiltered humor. Whether you're a regular listener or new to Are You Garbage?, "Babies at the Bar" offers plenty of laughs and insights, all wrapped in the unapologetic charm that defines Kevin Ryan and H. Foley's comedic partnership.

Transcript

[Kevin Ryan]

Who don't love a good podcast preview.

[H. Foley]

Kevi, what's a teaser today?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're looking at it, baby.

[H. Foley]

A teaser podcast preview. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy, but you're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Trulley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new edition. She's out collecting cans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Doing pretty well for herself.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty good.

[H. Foley]

Doing pretty well for herself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good for her.

[H. Foley]

My Coates is coming at you from across the table, unamused.

[Kevin Ryan]

I lived.

[H. Foley]

That's four hours of my day down the drain. No big deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all you got done?

[H. Foley]

That's all out of hard work. Plus, I was watching Apocalypse now redo. That's like three and a half hours long.

[Kevin Ryan]

Studies aren't going to write themselves.

[H. Foley]

This is what we call a family episode, ladies and gentlemen. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies. He is the CEO of Are you garbage? He is a new dad. He is a business owner. He is a homeowner. He is the king of the burbs. Look at him. Father of the year. Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. First of all, thanks for tuning in.

[H. Foley]

Medium.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kippy me slim. Little slim in the butt.

[H. Foley]

I don't buy those are mediums. I believe you. This one, I don't buy it.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's a large. Okay, swimming it.

[H. Foley]

I was about to order a Big Mac. Huh? Not doing so great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out. Thanks for tuning in. As always, make sure you review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts over there. Watch out. We're coming for that number, the 11 spot.

[H. Foley]

We're getting there. We're getting there.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're coming for you. Number 13. Obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com garbage. Also want to say over there, the boys are at an all time high on Patreon. Shout out to the homies.

[H. Foley]

Creeping up on that 15k where we're gonna go shoot each other with real guns.

[Kevin Ryan]

If everything I'm I'm using real bullets for sure.

[H. Foley]

With paintball?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I gotta go.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not how you say you're gonna play paintball. You don't go shoot each other with.

[H. Foley]

Paintball or shoot each other with paintball guns. Are we not gonna shoot each other? You're gonna try.

[Kevin Ryan]

We gotta recruit teams, too, by the way. That was the big thing.

[H. Foley]

I got a couple of guys, couple of Rogan's dudes, fucking doing barrel rolls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Over the top of cars and shit. Lighting me the fuck up. This guy get a hand grenade?

[H. Foley]

Hey, how about this? Let's take a little walk by the corner office. Say what's up to Lukie Patuki over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, Mr. Dempsey.

[H. Foley]

There he is.

[Lukie Patuki]

Hi, boys.

[H. Foley]

What is it, casual Friday with that shirt? I've been trying to read that goddamn shirt all day and it gives me a headach. Really?

[Lukie Patuki]

Patterns.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What is it? Some band.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you're. In your defense, reading isn't your strong suit.

[H. Foley]

It's not that. It's just.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not. Not that.

[H. Foley]

I can read.

[Kevin Ryan]

Only guy who says that for sure can't read.

[Lukie Patuki]

You and Floyd Mayweather read a full.

[Kevin Ryan]

Page of a Harry Potter book. I couldn't do it.

[H. Foley]

I hate that Harry Potter.

[Kevin Ryan]

We should try that on Patreon. Oh, God. I probably couldn't do it.

[H. Foley]

That's too much. Also, that Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I can't read his books either. He uses the whole word.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

That is the whole. The whole name you wrote. Loving the Time of Collar and Thousand Years of Solitude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Thousand island dressing. Zip it.

[H. Foley]

I like the Catalina Chronicles. You a Catalina dressing man? No. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what? I want to talk about the shirt.

[H. Foley]

What do you. What's it say?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't even know.

[Lukie Patuki]

It's got.

[H. Foley]

Oh, God, you're such a hipster.

[Lukie Patuki]

No, but it's got the Yu Gi oh characters on it.

[H. Foley]

Who the fuck is that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Crazy company. Who's Yu Gi oh, it's a guy I went to school with. Jamie Yu Gi oh. Russian K. Don't with him. Pasha Yu Gi oh.

[H. Foley]

Took one in the back of the head in Limelight one night, huh? Down on Delaware. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Our previous guest and friend, Chaz Pomatteri was a bouncer there, right?

[H. Foley]

That's right. So is my boy Phil. Frat brother's boy. Yeah, shout out to him.

[Kevin Ryan]

He really moving the goalpost on that. My best friend in the whole world. I met him one time.

[H. Foley]

I know. Phil. Frank, you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

What's the shirt?

[Kevin Ryan]

He doesn't know man, where'd you get it? Oh, my God.

[Lukie Patuki]

Because I knew you. I have been.

[H. Foley]

It sucks, whatever it is.

[Lukie Patuki]

Cheetos.

[H. Foley]

What does that mean?

[Lukie Patuki]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

It's very odd for you, clearly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Asian man. No one understands what it is.

[Lukie Patuki]

It's an amalgamation.

[H. Foley]

An amalgamation.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, stop saying big words.

[H. Foley]

Isn't that a metal. Anyway, we wanted to stop by, say what's up to you, peek in a little bit, see what's going on. Everything cool?

[Lukie Patuki]

Everything's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have. I'm sorry. I've been. Sorry to cut you off.

[H. Foley]

No, go ahead. I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Move on from a T shirt. You don't understand.

[H. Foley]

I do. In the corner office.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a job for him.

[H. Foley]

We need a fucking plant for you back there, by the way. And some of those knockers on the table.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now we're talking tits. Get a set of cans, a little eye candy.

[H. Foley]

Secretary Ramona, little bit of candy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Walking around now with sexual harassment. I have a new business proposition that we should run this up. The Dempsey Group.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was, you know, as AYG is a subsidiary of, you know, the Dempsey Group and all.

[H. Foley]

You ask his parents for money?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they listened. Hey, hit me up. Let me get a little bit of cash. I don't know if we've ever talked about this, but I was in. I don't know what it would be. And this is more of. This is more of like a think tank and more. A little. We don't patreon. A little bit.

[H. Foley]

Not political a thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, maybe. I know it's not Yu Gi. Oh. I know. Jimmy. Yu Gi oh. Ain't in it.

[H. Foley]

The shortstop.

[Kevin Ryan]

They. I was at a mall recently, and there's a lot of you. There's. Things are going well. Free AC in this heat. I borrows. You can ask for. There are a lot of open mall kiosks, and I thought it would be fun.

[H. Foley]

Have an AYG one?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, not a yg, but. Me and you get at a kiosk and work it for a weekend of selling. I don't know what we would sell.

[H. Foley]

What about selling AYG cards?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but that's a little too, like, actually fun. That's like, actually our business. We should have to sell, like, cell phone cases. Like me and you should be, though. We should be mall kiosk guys trying to get free samples, spraying people with cologne, whatever. We got to come up with. Whatever product we're trying to push, we.

[H. Foley]

Have to get that product, though. See, those guys usually have connections to the Middle east to get those we.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got Jimmy Yu Gi. Oh, you think he's not connected down at the ports?

[H. Foley]

You think we get our hands on some cheap cell phone cases?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Amazon.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. What's the markup going to be on that? What's the lunch break situation?

[Kevin Ryan]

It starts now. Put these cameras in a bag.

[H. Foley]

We work it together. Or I have to go in and do a shift by myself.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we work it together. We'd be having fun. Grab ass and.

[H. Foley]

All right, maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe a girl with a big set of canes walking.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever it is. I know I want to sell those. I want to sell those. Those dogs that like flip.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that'd be awesome. The frogs that swim.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something like.

[H. Foley]

I know a guy down to Canal street that can hook us up with those Jimmy frogs, you know I'm talking about the ones that swim. Yeah, Patty loves those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

She used to put it in the pool every year. That was always her thing to get a couple of those. And a bunch of handbags, man. Bunch of knockoff Gucci's.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's she on a bus trip doing.

[H. Foley]

That bunch of luchies.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's always the person that gets killed in law and order down here on a bus trip to get cheap knockoff bags and frogs.

[H. Foley]

That was Patty's move.

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple other things.

[H. Foley]

She used to run when the cops would come. When the guys would fold up the the carpet and take off. Yeah. She'd be on the move, scatter.

[Kevin Ryan]

She ends up in the back of a car with a bunch of those guys. She's working calm. She's on the lookout up in, up in fucking next to Port Authority.

[H. Foley]

Like an RPG in the sunroof. That's too far. And with ISIS real quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're not isis.

[H. Foley]

It ain't the good old boys ain't the Oak Ridge boys, you know what I'm saying? They talking about they ain't isis. What? It ain't the Fraternal Order of Police, I'll tell you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, for jobs they have to be on the move real quick. I never understood why they all wear flip flops, buddy. But get a tennis shoe on the fuzzes after you, dude.

[H. Foley]

One of those guys you throw on a hoka, they never catch you.

[Kevin Ryan]

He'd be a fucking Jersey by the time a guy gets out of the car. Those fat ass cops, they'd be across the GWB in a heartbeat trying to.

[H. Foley]

Outrun Officer Lazowski with a busted flip flop. One man had a newspaper. Get out of here. Maybe that's how they do it they're like to chase? No, the grounded foot on the feet. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Also, yeah, I need some comfort. Get me an escalators. I got a.

[H. Foley]

No way. I would run. No that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not even a runner in my dreams. I always hide. Whenever I'm getting chased, I always hide.

[H. Foley]

Bitch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Puss. I got a. I got something I wanted to run by you.

[H. Foley]

Please. My door is always open. Is that it with the offer? What did you offer?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you.

[H. Foley]

What did you want the Dempsey Group to do with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Find out what we can sell or maybe. Maybe fucking what do they say? Sound off in the comments. What could we. So what is a good. That would be fun to try to sell? Even if it's like, hit up your.

[H. Foley]

Old man, find out what we could sell. Tell him to buy it. Tell him to lock the location.

[Lukie Patuki]

He's never been into a kiosk.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, guys probably owns the kiosk.

[H. Foley]

Probably.

[Kevin Ryan]

We have to cut the check to.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, something. Well, I don't know. Some sort of cheap consumer products we can do a big markup on.

[H. Foley]

I like to do dogs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that may have something like that.

[H. Foley]

There's got to be something hot now. Like that now.

[Lukie Patuki]

Oh, the Labubu dolls.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Lukie Patuki]

Yeah, it's like the new hot thing. There's like collectibles.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm the new hot thing. I don't know if you've seen, but.

[H. Foley]

You hear about that guy that handles the Annabelle doll. They found him in a hotel and the Annabelle doll wasn't in a hotel.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what you guys are talking about.

[H. Foley]

A demonic doll.

[Lukie Patuki]

Spooky.

[H. Foley]

This guy that handles it was in a hotel with her.

[Kevin Ryan]

He fucking. I'd be a little upset too, with this fucking creepo is banging me out.

[H. Foley]

In a hotel room.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd be a little demonic myself. I'd have a bit of an edge to me. Yeah, you got every right to be pissed.

[H. Foley]

Everything takes you out. They found a guy dead in a hotel. They don't know where the doll is. I think that's a story. Do they know where the doll is?

[Lukie Patuki]

I think they know where the doll is. I think he just had a heart attack in the room.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. No, all that. All that scary pussy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll scare the out of you. Talk about dancing with the devil in the pale moonlight.

[H. Foley]

There was a reverse minotaur or something. I don't know what they do. Freaky Dicky. All right, now, what'd you want to ask?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, God. I. As you know, I'M a bit of a dirt bag myself. It's genetically in me.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right. I can't shake it. I am who I am.

[H. Foley]

That's why I love you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try to be a little bit of a better man, you know, I gotta. I got a future generation on my hands here. I'm trying to. Trying to lead by.

[H. Foley]

You want them to be better. You're cool. You just want them to be better.

[Kevin Ryan]

I am cool.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. No, I mean, you're okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

You don't got to worry about improving your. Do I look at the generations. You don't worry about improving yourself. You just got to make sure that they got their shit together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

They automatically naturally will, theoretically what you're doing. What they automatically naturally will, theoretically. Theoretically.

[Kevin Ryan]

A lot of adjectives in there.

[H. Foley]

Sure. They should on their own, just from the position that they're starting from, be okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, sure, sure, sure. Yeah. But there's.

[H. Foley]

He seems like a good shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

This goes back to like the what now? With the. With the. With a little. Little kipirino. I question myself. What is more in. With nature versus nurture of the whole trash thing. What is in me? What is learned? What is. And I got to be honest with.

[H. Foley]

You, I think it's nurture.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I mean, you get generational dirtbags. So that's something start changing in there. Well, here's my thing. What. What age is too young to take a baby to a bar? Well, because I got a number for you.

[H. Foley]

I was going to bars with my grandfather. The 1 12th Tavern, I believe, on Kidder street or Scott Street, I think, actually ran connection to that and became Ziggy's, my cousin. Cousin opened it burlesque place. Years later, I don't know. Me and my brother would go there when I think when I was like two, he just prop us up. You'd have some beer. Day drinking, not at night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, gentlemen.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, he'd go there and have some. He's an old man. Grand. My grandfather.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Well, I hit happy hour at the Lazy Bass this weekend with my baby.

[H. Foley]

That's okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not bad, right?

[H. Foley]

No. You at the bar, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

How else am I gonna get fucking beers?

[H. Foley]

Stop working. No, you went there with the Mrs. And sat down outside and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, my mom, my cousins, my aunt and uncle.

[H. Foley]

Nah, that's cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I was catching eyes.

[H. Foley]

You weren't at the bar. What were you at the bar?

[Kevin Ryan]

I had to walk by, though. I was at a picnic table next to the bar.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And the baby was parked in the Stroller in the hot sun right next.

[Kevin Ryan]

To you with greenhead flies all over. It's on a bay. It's just under the bridge. What a name. The Lazy Bass. Then he starts crying.

[H. Foley]

So I just want a nice piece of fish.

[Kevin Ryan]

A piece of ace Daddy.

[H. Foley]

That's secretary getting here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where's that doll at? This is also. We're in North Wildwood. Lazy Bass never been shout out to it. Nice joint, right? It's not on the island, it's off the island. No, but it's like you're right when you're coming in. It's right on the. It's on the bay. So it's like gotta be on the other side.

[H. Foley]

On the other side of the bridge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of the bridge. Of the little bridge. Not the big bridge. Of the little bridge.

[H. Foley]

That's still Wildwood.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it might be considered Kate May Court. I don't know. What do you got?

[Lukie Patuki]

Where is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

The Lazy Base. Bayside Bar and Grill.

[H. Foley]

Like that.

[Lukie Patuki]

It's wild.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got North Wildwood.

[Lukie Patuki]

Yeah, it's North Wild.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wild. North Wildwood. Zip code 08260. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's open right now. Closes at 10pm closes at 10.

[H. Foley]

What are we doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a Monday.

[H. Foley]

So what? It's fucking the summer. We're down ashore.

[Lukie Patuki]

Close 10pm on 2am at least.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn. I don't know. Maybe there's an ordinance on them or something. A too many babies were showing up. So here's the thing. Caught some looks. For sure there was a. There was a live band playing. So it wasn't. You didn't mention that they're known for their live music. We were going to see my cousin Sean. Shout out Shawn, he's a listener, is.

[H. Foley]

In a band now.

[Kevin Ryan]

His boys are in a band and they were playing happy hour over there at the Lazy Bass. He said, yo, throw that baby in a stroller and come have a fucking beer with the. With the crew.

[H. Foley]

I got a crew, has the band.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're pretty good.

[H. Foley]

No shit. Covers and all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, covers, originals.

[H. Foley]

No kidding?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, covering some like, you know, some more country, like the Zach Brown, Zach Bryan type stuff.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was good. Little crowd, good crowd, Big crowd. Pack Pack Bar.

[H. Foley]

No shit?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm sitting there, I can't get in looks. Well, the thing is.

[H. Foley]

You didn't tell us that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know.

[H. Foley]

In the middle of Ozfest, fucking the war down.

[Kevin Ryan]

New York General's gathered in the master shout out to the Dark Prince kid.

[H. Foley]

Just sticking up his Fingers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I feeling pretty bad. Well, they see you walking with a baby. Oh, a baby. And then they get eyes on it and they go, that's a baby. That's. He's a little too young.

[H. Foley]

Be an old dog in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got the big headphones on him. So I'm sitting there, I got him. You're getting looks. He's crying. Luckily, the Broadway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was me, Denise, my wife. And we. And the baby, we drove over. We met my cousin, his wife drove over. Uncle John and aunt Patty.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drove over. You gotta drive. I can't walk. I'm not walking the stroller over the bridge. Of course, a lot of crabs get you pay that toll.

[H. Foley]

Ken, we got talking about Tushy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ooh, that sweet, sweet tushy.

[H. Foley]

You like a clean butthole?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I like a dirty butthole that itches.

[H. Foley]

That's funny you mentioned that. Guys. What are you doing? You wiping? What are you? Goddamn caveman bozo. Get over to tushy. Clean that butthole. It's Cape puts over there. We're talking about fresh, clean dancing machine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dancing queen.

[H. Foley]

Listen, everybody's on the bidet tip. If you want the best one out there, do yourself a favor, get a tushy clean butthole. Feeling fresh, walking around home run, closing with broads, making it happen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Listen, we got a lot of bigger guys out there. I've been to the meet and greets. I seen his shows, I listen. We're bigger guys, we're a bigger podcast. Ain't nothing wrong with it. But listen, as a bigger man myself, with two pressed hams back there, things get wacky. Good folks at Tushy were nice enough to send us, especially this time of the year. That everyday luxury bidet feeling instantly transforms your bathroom habits into bottom health for life. There's a bidet for every biohacking personality type. Whether you want the aura, the light cloud plus automatically deodorizes the air when you sit down and take a carry over there. Installation is simple and takes about 10 minutes to complete. Literally, anyone can do it. The tushy bidet gives you a two in one benefits, reducing irritation, preventing micro tears and soothing water instead of scratchy toilet paper and damaging wet wipes. Every hello Tushy bidet comes with a 30 day hassle free return and a 1212 month 12 month warranty. Keep your swampiest body parts fresh and cool this time of year. For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when they use our code garbage at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet [e-mail] with the promo code Garbage.

[H. Foley]

Do it cat. But something about Smalls baby what? Smalls what? Smalls. Smalls cat food. Of course my good man. Gang, if you don't know Smalls cat food is a protein packed recipes made preservative free ingredients you find in your fridge. How about that? Now you've seen that for dogs and stuff like that. Now we're doing it with kitty cats and Smalls is the best one.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a question real quick. Sorry to cut you off.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you have to go to the store and buy that or is that delivered right to your door?

[H. Foley]

Delivered right to your door. Plus got free shipping smalls.com garbage for a limited time only.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Let me tell you this though. What now this isn't copy. What sent it over.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

My cat. Very very very particular.

[Kevin Ryan]

I heard you don't hate it about what she eats.

[H. Foley]

Sure man. Like she hasn't eaten in six weeks.

[Kevin Ryan]

They know what they're doing.

[H. Foley]

Scooping it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Loves it.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to Smalls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Honestly, Smalls was started back in 2017 by a couple of guys home cooking cat food in small batches for their friends. A few short years later they've served millions of meals to cats across the US/smalls works with Humane World for Animals. They donated over a million dollars worth of food to help cats through Humane World for Animals. And they've even given a chance given you. Give you a chance to donate at checkout. Whether it's $5 for flea take medication or $7 for vaccines. They're fighting a good fight over there. What are you waiting for? Get your cat the food they deserve. For a limited time only. If you are because you're an RU garbage listener, you can get 60%. Holy crap. 60% off your first smalls order plus free shipping when you head to smalls.com garbage that's 60% off when you head to small smalls.com garbage plus free shipping again one more time. Smalls.com garbage do it.

[H. Foley]

Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I'm sitting there feeling pretty self conscious at this point. People are looking. Really? Yeah. It was. We were. We were being judged and that's my first time being judged as a parent.

[H. Foley]

I think more for the loud music. It's not good for the baby's eardrums.

[Kevin Ryan]

We weren't in the mosh pit or anything.

[H. Foley]

I know, but nobody else had a baby there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's funny you bring that up next to us. Another baby Couldn't see how old she was. Look, another baby.

[H. Foley]

Was that baby only wearing a diaper?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Because when you see that. Yeah, that is. There ain't nothing trashier than seeing a baby in just a diaper out in public.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

I don't care how old the kid is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just dragging a sippy cup or something.

[H. Foley]

With a dump in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, it was just like the most Wildwood thing. I'm sitting there, like, not feeling good. I'm just like, ah, man. I'm getting judged for sure. But I'm like, it. People are here. No one's. Multiple generations of my family are like, this is ok. It's whatever. I'm here. I'm having a good time. Let my hair dye. I've been in the house for fucking six weeks. Let me go get a fucking Bud Light.

[H. Foley]

However, the nature versus nurture. Com discussion. You are with multiple. Multiple generations of dirt bags. 100% salt to the earth people.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's other. There's like toddlers and stuff, too.

[H. Foley]

Toddlers?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, north. Those Wildwood people are gonna be drinking. You got kids. It's like. This is also daytime. It's not. It's a little more.

[H. Foley]

It's a happy hour.

[Kevin Ryan]

Still light out. What time? Happy hour's 5 o'. Clock. No, 5 to 7 is 5 o'. Clock. Not daytime.

[H. Foley]

It's not lunchtime.

[Lukie Patuki]

Give you that one.

[H. Foley]

You'll give me that one?

[Lukie Patuki]

No, I'll give him that one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Five o' clock in the summer. Five o' clock in the winter.

[Lukie Patuki]

Man of the summer, too.

[H. Foley]

Five o' clock in the winter's the middle of the night.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you think I'll be doing? Keep on. What's your baby's name? How old?

[H. Foley]

Zephyr. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Anthony Kiedis.

[H. Foley]

My daughter, Flea. Fair enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's like, oh, he. She's four weeks. And I went, what the. I don't have the youngest baby here. I felt like father of four weeks, you fucking skank. I felt like father of the millennium. That baby still has its umbilical corps.

[H. Foley]

Hanging off of it and you're getting beers. That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And I was like, whoa, man. Wildwood plays by its own rules. But I got.

[H. Foley]

You're all still stitched up. Yeah. Fucking dirt ball.

[Kevin Ryan]

He does it. He's out there having a good time. He's relaxing. He's having. A kid's four weeks. What do you know? Are you a doctor all of a sudden?

[H. Foley]

I know to stay home.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know nothing.

[H. Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just judging this broad? Yeah, but it was just like a immediately solo.

[H. Foley]

There's no husband there with her.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a husband. There was a crew of them. Listen, you got to get out of the house at some point. You got to get out.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Daytime beers.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a couple Bud Lights. I didn't drive home.

[H. Foley]

Who did?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I was doing that math.

[Kevin Ryan]

My wife, she don't drink no more.

[Lukie Patuki]

When did you hit the food trucks? Because there's no kitchen at this restaurant.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never said restaurant.

[H. Foley]

Hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is this just a bar? I never said restaurant. What the fuck? That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

I thought there was some crab fries or something going on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hold on. Stop the. I never said. I said just a bar. I said bar.

[H. Foley]

And by the way, my grandfather was doing it. This was 1981.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're waiting on their food handling permit. They just gotta get clearance. It's all pay to play, really. There was a food truck in a parking lot. Quesadillas were out at his world.

[Lukie Patuki]

Shout out. West side Saloon, food truck.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, this. Is that what it was? I don't know. My wife went over and did the order, and I was ordering beers. So we get there, he's crying a little bit. Didn't like the song choice, I guess. I like the newer stuff.

[H. Foley]

Little Mr. Brightside. Quiet him up real quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got upset about the. Another original, Play the hits. So I'm outside walking them, you know, just trying to get him to pass out. It's tough with all the loud music and hooting and hollering. Going, talking to the double deuce, chicken wire and glasses flying. Shout out to lazy bass. Classy establishment. I'm outside pushing him, right? He's screaming. I'm trying to get the pacifier in his mouth and push at the same time. You got to hit the right amount of cobblestone to get him some bumps so he can shake his little brain to sleep. And, man, like fucking clockwork. This. This pickup, just like Chevy Silverado, beat up, no hubcaps, comes driving by, some dude hanging out the passenger side window. Yo, are you garbage? I was like, yeah, you done that? It was.

[H. Foley]

We're at the church next door.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was. It was. It was my first, like, real dirt bag thing of, like, this kid's just gonna live in my footsteps, and I'm okay with that. I took him up on a boardwalk. We hit another bar.

[H. Foley]

That's okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

How you doing at Seaport Pier? That's a restaurant.

[H. Foley]

That big one? Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was during the day, too.

[H. Foley]

Did you get something to Eat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What'd you get?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Frozen margarita.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was a liquid lunch.

[H. Foley]

I didn't do a beer.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't do beer. We just went out for lunch. Get out of here.

[H. Foley]

Listen, he's gonna be. Gonna do a nice school. He's gonna be a good school. He's gonna have good network, a little bit of cash, should be all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gonna be a pipe fitter, I think.

[H. Foley]

You think so?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that.

[H. Foley]

Nothing wrong with that. Good. Benny's in the union. Hard working kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Local 420. Sure. Someone vouch for him, you know what I mean? Work for the family.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Start up his own business. Something like that.

[H. Foley]

There you go. Either way, he's gonna be all right. I wouldn't. I wouldn't judge yourself too harshly on that. Four weeks, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, four weeks. I only had him beat by two weeks.

[H. Foley]

That's not. It's not like your baby's only six weeks old. No, it's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, six weeks. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I feel like I know this kid. Fucking eight months, six weeks. That's it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not the youngest baby at the bar slash food truck.

[H. Foley]

That's bad news.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I thought he was a couple months.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean. What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have all the same information I have. We talking to each other every day.

[H. Foley]

It's so weird.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was a couple of months.

[H. Foley]

June seems so far away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, this guy in the seasons.

[H. Foley]

It does. It just seems so far away away to me, man. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Felt good to get them down to North Wild and into the.

[H. Foley]

Just get the salt air in his lungs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just get them, get them into. Because this is the first time I'm going like, oh, this is. This was all of my dirtbag experiences was.

[H. Foley]

Do you throw them in the bay or anything like that? Just you, you know. You ever see that when they try to teach the kids to swim down, Just throw them in the water. Yeah, it's up. The kiddo gets up there though. Freaking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm. Legs can't kick though.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. All that's either here nor there. My. My shortcomings as a parent. It is what it is. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon A, you can ask your garbage question. And we got 1, 2, 3 humdingers here. Speaking of the summer, speaking of swimming, this is from Ryan.

[H. Foley]

Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ten dollar consultant here never had one ready. You've ever had to stand on your dad's back to keep him underwater long enough to patch a hole in the pool. He would float up to the top of the water unless I stood on him and he would tap me when he needed to come up from air. I'd catch a ration of shit if I didn't get him the exact second he tapped me. Listen.

[H. Foley]

The fuck you doing, dad?

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been tapping you for a minute, man. That's also. That Dad's redlining it too much. Give yourself 10 seconds, 5 seconds that you know, man, that's great. We had to do. We did that a lot. But there was a crack. I remember us going down and trying to do something with the crow. We were like pulling the pieces out of a crack in a pool for like, we were kids.

[H. Foley]

Who had the pool? Your dad?

[Kevin Ryan]

My dad had. My dad got one in a house.

[H. Foley]

He rented or a house.

[Kevin Ryan]

A house when he finally bought.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Things were. Things were going well and they. This like aqua pool. Somebody was coming around and putting them in every. They must have had this financing thing where it was like zero down 10 bucks a month. Money was cheap. The, you know, the Greenspan or whoever lowered or higher the interest rates. And these people are just going door to door going, hey, we're. We're putting a pool in the neighbors. Putting a pool in the neighbors. This is probably mid-90s, clinton.com bubble. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something. Cash was. And he got a. We had. It was the most basic, like we've got like the fucking. The, you know, the basic package. There was no glitz or glam on this. And it was like shift pool. Yeah. It stood out so my. It was just like very. Looked like something in the south, you know what I mean? Like something like.

[H. Foley]

It was just like diving board.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

No give to that, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like walking a plank.

[H. Foley]

Did have that slide.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

No, that slide was kind of whack. The blue one that I'm. The light blue one that kind of just went around like that. You caught that thing on a hot day. It wasn't watered down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking open up. Open up your nut sack.

[H. Foley]

It's like getting drugged down the fucking interstate. Dude, bad news.

[Kevin Ryan]

That fat guy that tried it last.

[H. Foley]

Year and broke the whole thing, he.

[Kevin Ryan]

Goes down the middle of it.

[H. Foley]

Let me tell you this, all right? Your dad going under the water to patch the thing, all that kind of stuff. That's rich guy shit. You know what kind of panic sets in? Or the. The constant worry of ripping the liner on an above ground pool all summer. That ain't dive down and fix it. That's. We're draining the whole fucking thing. We got to get rid of it. We got a fucking fill it back up. Which if it's close enough to the end of the year, that ain't getting filled back up because that water bill is going to jam you up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not rolling, it will fall.

[H. Foley]

Rolling, it'll fall.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Many a summer has been cut short by a dog's fingernail fucking catching the fucking bottom of the pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

One of the houses my dad rented when he moved out. I was always like, nuts to me renting a house. I didn't know you could rent a house. Like a house. Like a single. Like a home. They were always like. They always felt like stash houses. Something like Tony Soprano would be laying on the floor in with a AK47. No furniture. But this one had a pool. And we weren't allowed to open it in the summer. I don't know if he didn't want to. I don't think we were allowed, man. And this thing was tadpole city, man. Just sit in water for months in the summer. Algae growing. It was fucking brutal. Members.

[H. Foley]

Your hot ass just sitting there looking at it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, they're fishing and shit. It was fucking. It was. Go, Rudy. It was tough. God damn.

[H. Foley]

Great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's from Mark. Is it garbage to pay a kid at AutoZone 20 bucks to turn off all the warning lights on your dashboard minutes before trading in your car? Holy shit.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I signed the offer from the dealership and practically ran out the door. My dad was outside walking around a lot. I said to him, we need to leave now. Now. Car needed more work than it was worth. Your problem now, buddy. That's a pro move. That's pretty good.

[H. Foley]

Reset them all, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because I don't know how the.

[H. Foley]

It's all computer. Yeah, turn that shit off in two seconds.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I would assume they can plug it in and actually get.

[H. Foley]

They're not doing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they do. You should. I mean, what business isn't.

[H. Foley]

They just want the car. They probably don't care about most of that shit too.

[Kevin Ryan]

They know they can buy enough. They know if they're buying a hundred mazdas, 10 are going to be bad. 10 are going to be bad. Like it's a numbers game today. They got to buy more of. Like.

[H. Foley]

I remember when I turned to my.

[Kevin Ryan]

Car, not just buying three cars and hoping they make a thousand dollars on each car. They're just going buy a bunch.

[H. Foley]

When I Turned my car in the last time. Not most recently, but dude, I had been ripping heaters in there. Heavy, heavy like astronaut in a diaper heaters. Like I would rip in heaters in this thing. Couple scratches, a couple of this. Couple things. They didn't give a. Yeah, like we don't worry. Don't worry about it, huh? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was when I traded in my Montego. I think I gave it to.

[H. Foley]

Traded it in.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy had scrap for it. Yeah, I think talking about. I'm trying to think of who the hell got that? Where the hell did. Oh, I gave it the key when I got the Kia.

[H. Foley]

A car crusher got that as its lunch. There's no way that thing is still out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

ISIS is in there driving around. They're over in the her over in kuwait, bumping my 50 cent mix CD that they found in the backseat.

[H. Foley]

The top of that ripped off like.

[Kevin Ryan]

The A team gun bolted to the top.

[H. Foley]

That'd be kind of sick, wouldn't it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

You saw that on the news. Stinger missile just rips right through it. There she goes.

[Lukie Patuki]

Ah, this is pretty crazy though. The. The lights, the big boy lights, like brake issues or serious engine diagnostics, won't come back on unless you reset the light again. So you're buying yourself time until they reset it. Oh, but the basic lights will come back on just by turning off the car.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turning it back on, like the windshield, whatever fluid.

[H. Foley]

Fuck them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they go out, it's 10 bucks, but with that, like, Carvana. And I know Carvana isn't a great thing, but they go like, hey, we'll give you X for your car. Relatively sight unseen. I think they come and give it up. Quick inspection of like, okay, it does have all four tires and there's no major body damage. There doesn't appear to be water that like, they. There's probably a checklist of stuff. They check and then they adjust it, I think by like, like, hey, we'll give you 15,000 for it. Then they might show up and go ads 13, 10 or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

But they give you that, like, that's pretty much guaranteed. I think that's like higher finance type shit where they're going, like, we have a bunch of money, let's buy. Like, you buy stuff and you know, they don't care.

[H. Foley]

The real. The real condition of it. They're buying volume.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Well said, Bug man. You do. You'd run a hell of a mall kiosk.

[H. Foley]

You think so?

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe we sell cars.

[H. Foley]

Sell cars at a hot kiosk. You have a license to sell cars, do you? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure we can find a car lot to work for the weekend.

[H. Foley]

I want to work at the. In the. In the mall. I was gonna say we should do the sham anymore. Christmas time.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a bad mall anymore.

[H. Foley]

No, it's not. I was just there. Christmas. Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I go to that mall all the time. Not a good mall.

[H. Foley]

You think so? I think it's the best mall in the area.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've never been the Chamonix Mall. Yeah, you're wrong.

[H. Foley]

Montgomeryville Mall stinks.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Chamonix Mall is big.

[H. Foley]

Plymouth Meeting Mall stinks. I'm not going up the King of Prussia like a fucking asshole. I don't got.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what's not too bad?

[H. Foley]

Money. Willow Grove.

[Kevin Ryan]

Willow Grove.

[H. Foley]

Maybe that's where we were.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you weren't at Neshaminy. You were not at Nesham. Any mall. Yeah, it was like Dead Dunzo.

[H. Foley]

The guy was at Willow Grove. I'll go with all the Grove Mall.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got?

[Lukie Patuki]

Dealers do need a license, but I don't. I think that's just for the dealership.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dealership? If we could get like one of those like trailers, corner lots. See how. See how we can sell cars. That'd be pretty good.

[H. Foley]

Be fun. Get lunch together and shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just us eating. Shoot content.

[H. Foley]

If we work it. If we work at Willow Grove. We could go over to the terminal luncheonette, which I still think it's there. See? It's a terminal luncheonette. And Hatboro Horse Room is still there. My dad used to love this place. Home fries are unbelievable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Just saying we have a cup of coffee or something.

[Lukie Patuki]

Still banging.

[H. Foley]

Still banging.

[Lukie Patuki]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's no lazy bass, but I'll take a look at it.

[H. Foley]

There's no Megadeth plane kept. We got talking about ExpressVPN.

[Kevin Ryan]

Express.

[H. Foley]

We gotta warn them about ExpressVPN. We're putting it out there. Get on ExpressVPN. You know what these other companies are doing? They're starting to sell your information.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everyone's selling it.

[H. Foley]

Selling your information. Selling your data. Let them know your likes. What you don't like, what you're into, what you're not into. That's no bueno. When you operate with ExpressVPN, all that's blocked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's get there. Listen, I'm not a tech guy.

[H. Foley]

You're a ghost, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't tune in for our tech knowledge, of course, but these. There's people out there on the Internet trying to screw you ExpressVPN is trying to stop them from screwing you. Not even trying. They're doing it, baby. Listen, I've used it before. I've been in certain territories where certain websites aren't allowed. They wonder. Yeah, they're frowned upon. They want your. Your name.

[H. Foley]

Not illegal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not illegal. And listen, you log in or you get a little expressvpn over there, Bada bing, bada boom. How you doing? You're out the door two, three minutes. No big deal. And here's the turkey gang. Protect your online privacy today by visiting it. By visiting expressvpn.com garbage that's expressvpn.com garbage e x p r e s s v p n.com garbage and you can get an extra four months for free. That ain't nothing to shake a stick at. I'm talking an extra four months for free. One more time. Let them know the boy send you ExpressVPN.com garbage. Duh. Back to the show.

[H. Foley]

Back to the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, gang. Staying healthy this summer, when the warm weather hits and you're juggling your vacations. Visitors, there's zero routine left in your life. But hydro brings that back, baby. They get quick, efficient workouts that keep you feeling grounded no matter what the calendar looks like. Hydro's the secret weapon for a full body workout. It hits like 86% of your muscles. It's got your arms, your legs, your core, all of it. And it can knock it out in 20 minutes. It's super efficient and actually works. The good folks over at Hydro were nice enough to send me one of these rigs. I got it set up in the burbs. And, baby, let me tell you, I'm all up and down that river. I'm talking to Mississippi to Schuylkill to Delaware. I am cooking, baby. It's a fantastic workout. So you can skip the gym, but not the workout, baby. One more time. Skip the gym, not the workout. You stay on track with hydro. For a limited time, go to hydro.com and use the code garbage. Always garbage. To save up to $475 off your hydro. That's hydro. Check the spelling. H Y d r o w.com code garbage to save up to $475. One more time. Check the spelling. H Y d r o w.com code garbage for up to $475 off. Do it. Are you garbage? If you're in the grocery store with the cig fully lit, shopping in the produce section.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

I looked over and this man had a full lit cig, grabbing lettuce. Gotta love it. That's mental illness. That guy. Don't know where he's at or something. You can't be catching a heater. And it's not even like I used to be able to smoke it. Like they changed the rule. Like in a bar or something. You could be like, at least.

[H. Foley]

It's funny, I'm 49. I don't ever remember that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Smoking it? No.

[H. Foley]

In the grocery store?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, never.

[H. Foley]

But it had to be somewhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I mean probably in the 70s.

[H. Foley]

I'm trying to think if I ever remember my mom putting out a cigarette in a department store.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, most of that stuff you probably couldn't smoke in. Well, yeah. Find out when you could stop smoking in.

[Lukie Patuki]

Like in New York City. It was banned in 1974. Smoking in department in like grocery stores and stuff like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember the Leo Mall on Street Road. You could catch a heater in. In the common space. Not in the.

[H. Foley]

Excuse me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because we were like 13 or 14.

[H. Foley]

The mall is different. I remember smoking.

[Kevin Ryan]

You could sit in the bench at the mall and.

[H. Foley]

Oh yeah, I remember that for sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I mean I don't remember.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

The other malls doing that. I'm gonna do it when we have our kiosk. I'm gonna sell heaters.

[H. Foley]

I feel like I remember smoking in the mall as a teenager, maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bad kid like you, no future, bad attitude. Sure, I could see that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Unless I'm wrong.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

I just can see it on the, you know, that mall floor, whatever that is, linoleum or whatever that is. I can just see a cigarette butt smushed out. I don't know why.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why you're just smoking everywhere. That was crazy.

[H. Foley]

Heaters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Heaterville, dude.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Speaking of heaters, this is from Hugh Wang. Ever seen someone eat a cig? My uncle would do this to amuse kids at parties. He also carried a flask of body temperature BlackBerry brandy, laughed like Tommy Pope and was married at a VFW and chewed on perks like candy. Rest in peace, Uncle Jeff.

[H. Foley]

BlackBerry brandy is a sign of.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is. I had one summer that all the bartenders everybody did in Wildwood. That's their like you go, if you're. If you work at Kingians and you're going to the wharf, they all, they all drink BlackBerry. It's like they're like calling card. Like I'll do three BlackBerry before. I don't know if they still do, but at the time I was rolling around my boy Tommy who was, you know, mover and shaker in the service industry down there that was all BlackBerry brand. I don't know why, man. I would make me puke every night. I'd be puking, shout out to Echo, shout out to Flip. I'd be yakking.

[H. Foley]

They'd cool them down. They do do shots with them.

[Kevin Ryan]

They weren't cool.

[H. Foley]

Oh really?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's right off the rail. Baby room they would make.

[H. Foley]

They would put them in the shaker and it's called something. There was a name for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brandy. She's a farmer. Not that I know of.

[Lukie Patuki]

They have a Chicken Hill bottle that seems kind of big.

[H. Foley]

This was that like main brand that like is always the mixers and Seagrams or whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jacques. Jacques. BlackBerry Brandy, I think.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that might be it. Jacqueline's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That dirty will get you some of that sour mixing. Me as a youngster give me the diarrhea.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's this. Okay, let's see this one. Finch dickles, brand new 13.70 Canadian milk with dinner Representative homie here.

[H. Foley]

What's up you hoser?

[Kevin Ryan]

Never had one read. Is it garbage? As the lunch you had at school every day growing up was a peanut butter and lettuce sandwich. Sandwich, yeah. Listen, you're a man of certain stuff.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love a peanut butter. I ate. I would probably document. I've eaten more peanut butter sandwiches, straight peanut butter than any man or women or child ever. That's not even close. It was every day for a long time. A lot of years.

[H. Foley]

There was a minute.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lettuce?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's I get if maybe I can picture like a big. Nice. But it's not gonna last till school. Like a real crunchy piece of iceberg just for the crunch, a little bit of texture. I don't like it.

[H. Foley]

I'm just saying there was a minute and I mean a minute.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

It might have been something that I saw on Family Ties or something like that. Maybe Skippy, the kid that lived next door to the Keatons was eating this for a while or something like that. Or maybe a different strokes where I was fucking with peanut butter and cucumber sandwiches.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean peanut butter and pickles is a pretty big thing, right? Or is that for pregnant.

[Lukie Patuki]

Pregnant ants on a log kind of. With the celery and the peanut butter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that I. In the world. It's in a world.

[H. Foley]

It is in the world a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I understand that.

[H. Foley]

But you talk about pickles. I used to love a peanut butter and jelly with chips.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And A glass of milk.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't hate on that.

[H. Foley]

Big.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't hate on that.

[H. Foley]

I haven't had a PB and J in a while. Probably years. Couple years. Maybe a year. Six months. Not a year.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lunch.

[H. Foley]

What's that saying? Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like jelly. I've been just straight peanut butter.

[H. Foley]

What does that say? Peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

[Lukie Patuki]

Always within a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

At Denise's, you go to your parents.

[H. Foley]

And you get one.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got.

[Lukie Patuki]

I always keep the materials on me.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Building a bomb. Who calls the materials?

[H. Foley]

But you have bread in your house. Just like a loaf of bread.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Lukie Patuki]

In the freezer. So you got a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really ruins a sandwich.

[Lukie Patuki]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

That fucking sucks.

[H. Foley]

You have to toast it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but then that's not peanut butter and jelly.

[H. Foley]

Peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Toasted.

[Lukie Patuki]

No, but I'll do it. I'll get it somewhat. Okay. Or I'll just go out and buy a new loaf. That's what I'll normally do. But if you get it close enough in the toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

This kid stinks.

[Lukie Patuki]

If you just get the defrost off of it and let it sit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

But yeah, it's not as good.

[H. Foley]

Might as well get on a crustable.

[Kevin Ryan]

The good thing about bread in your house.

[H. Foley]

Just a loaf of bread.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't keep it.

[H. Foley]

It's weird.

[Lukie Patuki]

Well, the Dave's I always keep.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. He keeps like the fancy seeded bread. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's so adult to me to have bread.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that's when you have kids. You gotta have kids to have bread.

[H. Foley]

You don't have kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Hey, relax. Whose side are you on here?

[H. Foley]

Do you have bread?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I've had a kid for six weeks and we've been at the bar most of the time. No, I don't have fucking bread. Okay? He can't eat bread.

[H. Foley]

Think it'll be a wonder family.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the white bread's tough with the German. Yeah, she's like. She's good fucking German, bro. You know what I mean? You need fucking that good. She can get by with a sour dough she likes.

[H. Foley]

That's not bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's an insane look you gave me.

[H. Foley]

That stuff for a peanut butter and jelly. Sourdough's not bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, it's too. I.

[H. Foley]

Listen, do you remember the first time you had sour bread as a kid? Kid, Dude. It might.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought there was beer in there. I didn't know what the hell was. Talk about a chew.

[H. Foley]

My dad finish with that one morning I was like, yo, what the Is this?

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I used? I felt it's kind of funny.

[H. Foley]

Pop, take it easy with the yeast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Talking. Get some Vagisil on this bad boy. I got a date coming up. Hitting me with this.

[H. Foley]

Could you pull this floozy out of holy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put a set of rubbers on my hand to eat this thing.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I didn't like that at all.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now you learn to like it. That in a Portuguese role. My dad was big on a Portuguese roll. You know Portuguese? Oh man, you must. I must have thought I was in the Mediterranean. Hey, go. Let me get two Portuguese rolls. I said when we get home, Imma lather up some skippy and put it on that bad boy.

[H. Foley]

Hey, then put that in my American stomach.

[Kevin Ryan]

I chew it with my goddamn rotten American teeth and drink some goddamn Coca Cola.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what makes. Can you find out what makes a Portuguese roll? Portuguese?

[H. Foley]

From Portugal.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I get the idea of it's from port. The rolls aren't from Portugal. Sweet.

[H. Foley]

But man, process.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever that was. Was. I saw. I saw a Portuguese roll truck today. Made me think of that.

[H. Foley]

That got a little mustache on the front armpit hair.

[Kevin Ryan]

If no full bush.

[Lukie Patuki]

We kid big with the Portuguese. There's like a surplus of egg yolk or something that's kind of doing some different ingredient thing there for the bread.

[H. Foley]

Lame answer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, what do I got? I look like Johnny Bread over here.

[H. Foley]

Surplus of egg. I mean there's a lot of egg yolk in it.

[Lukie Patuki]

Yeah, surplus. That's what Google says. Enriched with the surplus egg yolks left over from wine Clarification.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, that makes sense.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck? They're using egg yolks for wines.

[Lukie Patuki]

Buddy.

[H. Foley]

I sound like a real scumbag.

[Kevin Ryan]

The heck they're easy.

[H. Foley]

My tooth should have fell out when I was there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hillbilly. Shut up. The hell do you know about bread or wine?

[H. Foley]

Nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's from Oscar's trash can. 187 peso. Homie here never have one red. I assume that's the Mexican peso.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Find out what the the trans transition to US dollars to pesos is.

[H. Foley]

You think he's from Mexico?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. He's Oscar. 18.

[Lukie Patuki]

About 19 pesos per dollar.

[Kevin Ryan]

That makes sense. So he's a ten dollar. Homie. Shout out 187 pesos, my man.

[H. Foley]

Hola, amigo. Dondira Coca.

[Kevin Ryan]

Donde esta el pan como cd? Say Sweaty Betty. Is it garbage to ask the beer guys at the concert venue? What time is last call? I'm trying to time out my beers to have some left by the time Master Masters of Puppets comes on Shout out to Metallica. I respect that.

[H. Foley]

I respect it too.

[Kevin Ryan]

As a listen that sneaks up. Yes.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

And we've become a very. I've become a very. Like you just drink. Yeah. We. We live in New York. Last calls. 4A. I can just drink. If we're at the house, there's enough beers. If we're at a party, there's, there's. We're in a green room. There's just always beers. Right. We can. There's. We're very rarely in a place with constricted rules of when and how I can drink.

[H. Foley]

Very true.

[Kevin Ryan]

Except a place like that. So you gotta. You want to fucking. You want to buy two or three so you have them for the rest of the fucking day?

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? So that I totally do it.

[H. Foley]

A Phillies game or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, yeah. Oh, let's get two. I got two. We got three. You get your two and I'll drink one. He can have one even if they're not drinking. You got to. Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That beer math means a lot.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I totally respect that.

[H. Foley]

Respect that move. Cut you off earlier and earlier these days.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then, you know, you're not expecting it. You're vibing. You got half a half a load on. And then, you know, you're, you're, you know, you're bobbing your head to.

[H. Foley]

Goes back to the beginning. Everything's always closed. Everything closed early.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Closing down. Closed, close. I have closed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lazy bass, 10 o'. Clock.

[H. Foley]

Believe that that is lazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kids. Good Bug man back. All right. This one's from Brandon Box. $120 per year invest. I love how they're changing. They're. They're adapting. They're. That's. That's all they're bragging. I do 120 a year.

[H. Foley]

No big deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

When is the last time you washed your bath mat that's in front of your shower? Is it garbage if you can't remember? I don't think I've ever done that. I just get a new one. I go, this one's growed. Gotta go and order a new one on Amazon.

[H. Foley]

What St crate. We wash ours pretty regularly.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. They're never like texture to wash to me. I remember Denise used to wash them. They'd be wet.

[H. Foley]

I get it. I get it wet a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can imagine.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're displacing a lot of water.

[H. Foley]

I also Do a move with it that I probably shouldn't tell people publicly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sop up pee.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Real quick. And then push it back over.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're doing that with your feet. You're not bending over.

[H. Foley]

No, I'm doing my foot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

I'll take my foot, I'll drag it over. I'll mop that.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got that. Yeah, Push it back over.

[H. Foley]

And then eventually that'll be a shorter lifespan because she'll be like.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love how you're giving her an attitude and you're sopping up your urine.

[H. Foley]

I'm not giving her an attitude. I was giving her a voice.

[Kevin Ryan]

That wasn't a. That wasn't a. Hey, do you have any idea why the bathroom smells? Are you using the cloth that we get out of the shower when. When we're clean and put our feet on to. I usually have a little peep up your Mountain Dew pee.

[H. Foley]

I don't drink Mountain Dew.

[Kevin Ryan]

Root beer pee. All right. Yeah, yeah. I just had a. I just got rid of one that I don't pay attention. That stuff that, like, I only think about when I'm standing on it and I go, oh, yeah, this. This is bad. You gotta. But then they have the ones that are like more like towel that like terry cloth or something.

[H. Foley]

I don't talk about the one. I've said this to you before. You talk about the one in the hotels.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that makes sense because they're cleaning those every day and who knows what you're doing to them, right?

[H. Foley]

I barely use them because every time I put it on the ground, it always gets fucked up. Which I've pitched my idea to you about that, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

The Velcro or something.

[H. Foley]

Somebody should come up with some type of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sell these at the. We can sell these at the. Come up some type of adhesive on.

[H. Foley]

The bottom of them. Have diesel when you wash. Okay, okay. Let me try to explain this. You know, like the. The throwy hands, the sticky hand. Yeah. Well, when you wash that with some sitting here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

When you wash that with soap and water, it gets more. It gets sticky again. It brings it back. There should be some type of adhesive on the bottom of those things that when you put it down, it lays down nice. That you should be able to reuse. I've been telling everybody this. Nobody wants to take up the idea. Talk to your dad. We make fucking billions of dollars.

[Lukie Patuki]

Billions.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean? Every hotel to do it. That's everybody's biggest pet peeve about the fucking hotel.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're the only person I've ever heard.

[H. Foley]

Complain those things suck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying I'm not big enough.

[H. Foley]

And they always get bunched up. I always have to put a regular towel down so it's nice and cozy when I get out of the shower in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is like a.

[H. Foley]

It's not a size thing. It's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't say that. I did not say it's not a comfort thing. Okay. Okay, I'll do it.

[H. Foley]

I'll take it on a shot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it's an operator error thing. If I had to guess, knowing you.

[H. Foley]

Those things never fall perfect.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think you're really. Fuck it. Well, I've never had an issue. I don't. This. I'm not saying you.

[H. Foley]

It always lands nice like a doormat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And if it doesn't, you just. I've never thought of it. It's never been a thing where I'm gonna go, gosh darn it again. I got to lay the mattress down here to feel comfortable and lose a security deposit.

[H. Foley]

Rip the curtains off the wall.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm an id.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, back to the original question. We do wash it. We do wash a lot. But I get what you're saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. One time I rented a place, and we. And my boy. We got a black one at like, Bed Bath and Beyond or something. Never washed it. Like, there's a cheapo. Cheap.

[H. Foley]

Was a little fuzzy on top at the plastic underneath. Like, the rubber.

[Kevin Ryan]

It had the rubber underneath it.

[H. Foley]

Maybe when you know you're in a lot of trouble.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And it had kind of like the little dreadlocks. You don't even. They were a little longer. Could have taken a little more off.

[H. Foley]

The shag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, shag.

[H. Foley]

That's.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we got black, and we thought it was cool.

[H. Foley]

And that is what they call the perfect storm for mold.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had a. We had a. It was black. We had like, that old 80s yellow linoleum floor in the bathroom of the. Of the apartment we were renting. And we put that down.

[H. Foley]

The Steelers bathroom.

[Kevin Ryan]

We put that down the day we moved in, and I picked it up the day we moved out. And that the dye had all the water from standing on it being wet. Standing on it being wet. Had seeped through and stained black the linoleum. And that's one of those. You lift up and this is us. I'm doing a once over. My boy already bounced. He was out.

[H. Foley]

I thought you're gonna say that the civilization that formed underneath.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Had already achieved space travel. And I was quickly attacked by this was.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is a worse that you can clean sprayed out with a little Windex, a little pledge. So fuck it. I'll nuke that. They won't even know what hit him.

[H. Foley]

Father. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'll torch out, you know, CLR them to bits and pieces. Clr.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what that was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chlorine, lime and rust. Man.

[H. Foley]

Anything with that lime in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never. That was what they're putting in the drinks. I didn't understand that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that one. What they put on bodies. What's different? Lime and lime. Lime.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lie.

[H. Foley]

No, it's called lime.

[Lukie Patuki]

I think it's lye, calcium, lime and rust remover. Clr.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What's the. What's the stuff they like delouse you with or whatever when you go to jail?

[H. Foley]

No, that's lie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What do you think the stuff they put on the bodies when you, you know, put lime on dead bodies?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, maybe it's. I don't know. See if Luke's gonna get arrested. That's on my computer. Great. How did this halve a dead body?

[Lukie Patuki]

Lime.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you. What kind. What are you buying? A bag of lime.

[Lukie Patuki]

Calcium oxide. Quick lime.

[H. Foley]

What does that do?

[Lukie Patuki]

Reacts with the water and then it dries out the surrounding environment.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that don't sound pleasant.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hope I'm long gone when they do that. Talk about a ouchie. Yeah, but the ink had settled through and now I'm doing like a. Once that's the last thing you pick up and throw in a black contractor bag to trash. And man, the power was out because I stopped paying a bill.

[H. Foley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

So to shut off. And it was getting dark, so I'm losing. I'm trying to clean this place with daylight. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Natural lighting. True artist.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which not a nice place. There wasn't a lot of natural light.

[H. Foley]

You know, there was no skylight coming in.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's wearing floor to ceiling windows. And it's getting darker and darker. And I lift that up and see that it's all basement windows.

[H. Foley]

But you're on the. You're on the third floor. Like prison windows.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'm doing this. It's just like one beam of light coming in. And I go, oh, that's. It's you still. Like, I kind of. I knew. I didn't fully believe. I'm like. I had a wipe right up. Like lying to myself. But no.

[H. Foley]

Like you could tell that's Billy Mays for that dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

I One wipe with this. 2 wipe, 3 dude not even flinching. And I Just went.

[H. Foley]

That's just put the rug back over it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have to take that out of security deposit, big dog, because I ain't. I need this 1100, but I ain't getting it. See you later.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man. When you're waiting on the security deposit, you're jammed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I've. I. This is the only apartment I've never waited on my security deposit. I remember I got this apartment I'm currently in right when we started doing the pot like the podcast. Started doing. Okay, so making a. You know, a couple of. Couple of bucks. Still had a day job and everything, but, like. And I was going, you do. You know, cuz you know the rules.

[H. Foley]

You go.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got 31 days to provide me an itemized breakdown.

[H. Foley]

I never knew that. And I might have said this in the pod before. I always tried to pay the last month's rent with the security deposit. Well, you got that. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're technically. Technically not allowed to do that. And also, I like. I mean, I was only on. I only had one lease in New York prior to this, and if I was going good, that means I got. I think it was like 13 or 2012, 20. Whatever my rent was, I was deep in the heights and I was going, whatever that was, I got that. If I can get through this month and I get that on the 5th, you can't tell me. Pizza. Pizza, yeah. Kids eating dog. Watch out for annoyed pizza. All right, let's see here. This one's just wild. This is from Emma. Ten dollar homie. Never had one read. Is it garbage if your dad uses cameo. Great service. To project a video of a member of Steel Panther on the wall at his wedding to congratulate my new stepmom. And he mentions how much he knows she likes the shocker.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was a surprise she didn't know about. And in front of everyone's family, he even did the hand sign. What are we doing?

[H. Foley]

The shocker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meaning the two in the pink, one in the stink. Imagine your mom knowing you like that. Mom knowing we're at the wedding.

[H. Foley]

I imagine the kid knowing you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anybody, you know, I mean, you can make assumptions, but yeah, you don't want anybody knowing, you know, you really like the shocker.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then does the hand. If you're. If there was any confusion as to what it was and Cindy gets to see it. That's. I mean, in a world where you want to play of. No videos from Steel Panther. I get that it's kitschy. Get who?

[H. Foley]

Steel Panther.

[Kevin Ryan]

That, like, they were like, an ironic glam band. Yeah. Yeah. Were they around back in the day? I thought they, like.

[H. Foley]

I don't know, the second marriage people step. I don't give a. Nobody's grandparents are still alive for this.

[Lukie Patuki]

2000S.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they formed in the 2000s. It was like a fun. You get dressed up. He's like. We would get dressed up as. Like they were in Poison with, like, a headband, a wig, and you go. And they. I don't know if they play hits. They play. I don't know what they do, but, like, they. It's like a. It's like an experience. They rock out.

[H. Foley]

She likes to shock her, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

My kind of gal.

[H. Foley]

Dirty little bird.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello.

[H. Foley]

That's. Yeah. Probably a hell of a wedding, though. Probably a good time that your man laid out for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bet you she laid down for it.

[H. Foley]

Hey, take it easy now. You're being disrespectful. Goddamn new mother.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's nothing worse than Gary from Steel Panther.

[H. Foley]

Don't you worry about it, big guy. It's all good.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Who are you talking to?

[H. Foley]

The kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a girl. I think that's the last thing. Picture her dad, you know, wearing someone. Like a glove. That's the last thing she wants, dude.

[H. Foley]

Fair enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? I mean, come on. Today, trying to make him feel better.

[Lukie Patuki]

Some of their big hits include Fat Girl, Stripper Girl.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know that.

[Lukie Patuki]

Hell's on Fire.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Sounds like a lovely affair. This is just obviously at the menu with that wedding.

[Lukie Patuki]

That's who in Rockstar. Mark Wahlberg, I guess, plays with them. That's one of their claims to fame. Steel Panther, the original in the movie Rock Star.

[H. Foley]

I thought it was Timothy Olive fan. Somebody else.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, that's the actual band.

[Lukie Patuki]

Dragon is the fake one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, Steel Dragon's the real band.

[H. Foley]

Steel Dragons. What Kirk Caddy was in.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, was.

[Lukie Patuki]

Yeah. Steel Dragons, a real band.

[H. Foley]

Kids on the Fritz.

[Kevin Ryan]

Steel Panther, I'm guessing. I don't know. Was probably the band he played. Was the. They acted as the band he played with. Maybe.

[Lukie Patuki]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Before he made it big.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stand up and shout. We're probably gonna get him for copyright infringement because I killed that. Stand up.

[H. Foley]

Steel Dragon was all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bobby Beers, more like. Yeah, more like.

[H. Foley]

Chris Queers, lead singer was great in that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Who was it? The gay guy?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I can't remember his name. He's in a bunch of shit. Great actor.

[Kevin Ryan]

His brother who was. I mean, this is like the second episode in three weeks we've talked about Rockstar. Hell of A film. Hell of one. Hell of a model American.

[H. Foley]

Almost a perfect movie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, I. I can't with you. Right, Neil. We gotta do this and then we can do this and then wrap up. This is just a hall of fame dirt bag saying. I said it today to my wife on the New Jersey Turnpike.

[H. Foley]

Balls to the wall.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is for a mud butt. Shout out my boy, my butt. Is it garbage dimension to people when you're driving to? Be careful. It's the end of the month, so the are looking to fill the quota.

[H. Foley]

Fill the quota?

[Kevin Ryan]

I saw two people pulled over today within like three miles on the turnpike. And I went probably the end of the month. Looked down. End of the month quota, getting a quota. They're just writing the tickets, going right back to one guy, saw him write a ticket, go right into the barracks. Pull up, lets his lights on. Whoop.

[H. Foley]

Probably hit it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's it for the day.

[H. Foley]

What are you gonna do?

[Kevin Ryan]

Shut it down? Yeah, hit the leak.

[H. Foley]

Gotta watch. End of the month gonna get you quota.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was trying to get their quota. Is that true? Can we get a. Can we get our eyes on that real quick?

[H. Foley]

Man, you've been guns. If you're gonna burn this kid out.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have to give us a good answer.

[H. Foley]

Gonna blow a fuse.

[Kevin Ryan]

Steel Panther does not have a quota. What?

[Lukie Patuki]

I was completely wrong about that, by the way.

[H. Foley]

I assumed you were. What the hell are you talking about?

[Lukie Patuki]

Many police departments deny using a quota. But there's evidence suggesting that they do, either formally or informally.

[H. Foley]

That could be off the books, that kind of operation.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Undercover. Shadow.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck you're talking about, Shadow? Pull it over.

[Kevin Ryan]

We gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

We love you to death, huh? And we'll see you next week. Peace.