Back in the Basement! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: Back in the Basement! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Date: March 30, 2026
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

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Overview

In this freewheeling, laughter-packed episode, co-hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan return to their roots—literally—by recording from the old basement at "Tooties," after their regular studio suffers major flood damage. Without a guest, it's just the boys riffing and answering Patreon listener questions. They dish on family quirks, suburban and city trashiness, childhood nostalgia (trash can forts, anyone?), and the never-ending debate over what makes someone "garbage." The banter is loose, personal, and endlessly funny, showcasing their signature blend of self-deprecation, blue-collar Philly stories, and affectionate roasting.

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Major Discussion Points & Highlights

1. The Flooded Basement and Familial Trauma

• [00:37-03:35] Foley opens with a vivid, comic recount of their studio's flood disaster, blaming a roof leak and joking about Tootie's "slip and fall" settlement money and insurance adjuster woes.
  • Memorable quote:
    • Foley: “Tootie is now laying in that room where she has been for several days with a neck brace on in a crooked position because the insurance adjuster hasn't showed up … she knows that she's going to get some pain and suffering.” (01:04)
  • The flood ruined equipment and precious toys, with Foley joking about potential GI Joe casualties.
• More general self-roasting: both hosts spiral into imagined injuries and claims, poking fun at Geico, The General, and their “legal” insurance limits.

2. Family Visits and Easter Candy Nightmares

• [04:22-08:45] Foley recounts a trip to his mother’s house, where she's “babysitting” his "niece" (his brother's dog) and has decorated for Easter.
  • Easter candy discourse includes disgust at his mom’s Good & Plenty bowl (black licorice forever!) and an even grosser candy mix, “looks like what they give out at Bellevue. It’s crazy, dude.” (06:36 – Kevin)
  • Foley waxes poetic—and grumpy—about the perils of black licorice, black jelly beans, and “allspice-flavored” candy.
  • Patty’s poor candy selection nearly leads him to accidentally eat a dog treat:
    • “I came this close to fucking throwing a handful of them back. Trying to kill me down here.” (08:10 – Foley)
  • A mini-war erupts over ice cream portions, with Foley’s dismay at his mom’s underwhelming Turkey Hill “chocolate chocolate chip” offerings:
    • “Two scoops? What am I, a bowl of Raisin Bran? Get the fuck out of here. Two scoops.” (09:05 – Foley)

3. Living With (or Near) Your Parents

• [13:15-14:08] The hosts good-naturedly roast each other over who’s really “living with their mom”:
  • Foley takes umbrage: “I'm not living back at home. Fucking dick. I was down there shooting a TV show … I’m not living there.” (13:23)
  • Kevin teases: “For a guy not living with his mom, you're sure defensive, Mikey.” (13:48)
• The dynamic shows off their brotherly bickering and tender affection for their families.

4. Order Out, Eat In: Food Fails and French Toast Sizzlies

• Foley confesses Uber Eats-ing both ice cream and a French toast “Sizzly” sandwich to make the minimum delivery charge, then ultimately skipping the ice cream due to being “sick from the French toast.”
  • “I never had the ice cream. It's sitting in there. Didn't touch it.” (16:49 – Foley)
• Laughs rack up as Kevin guesses what else Foley secretly ordered, pointing out food shame and comic guilt.

5. The Trashiest (and Most Suburban) Massage Story Ever

• [21:07-33:26] Kevin tells an epic, cringey story about seeking out a cheap massage at the Oxford Valley Mall—and the various humiliations along the way:
  • Anxiety about strip-mall “jack shacks,”
  • Encountering mall-walking old men, a guy in Eagles gear, and service dogs being trained (“These dogs don't smell cum, huh?” (26:33 – Foley))
  • Ultimately receives a legit, no-nonsense massage:
    • “These coarse ass hands she had, they were like manual labor hands.” (32:15 – Kevin)
• Hilarious asides about mall loneliness, watching “Purple Rain” while getting massaged, and the peculiarities of suburban life.

6. Listener Q&A – Garbage or Not?

Boys dive into Patreon questions and hotly debate garbage-ness:

• Cookie Sheet vs Sheet Pan:
  • Consensus: “Cookie sheet” is the family term; “baking sheet” sounds too fancy.
  • Jokes about mysterious “bumpy” cookie sheets and generational kitchen equipment.
  • Quote: “My mom's got one that she probably had for 50 years. Things brutal. Couldn't even tell what real color it is.” (37:38 – Foley)
• Plunger Placement:
  • Discussed whether keeping the plunger beside the toilet is trashy or utilitarian.
  • Bathroom brushes and cultural differences are also dissected, with plenty of potty humor.
• Rooftop Beers (Listener: TJ):
  • “It's trash, for sure, but it's cool as shit. … You get up on that roof and you look out over your neighborhood … it's pretty fucking sick.” (46:33 – Foley)
• Treehouse Class Warfare:
  • Debating "build it yourself" vs. fancy bought treehouses for the next generation.
  • Foley: “Do I give him the life I had or do I give him the cool life I didn’t have?” (54:53 – Kevin)
  • John Adams quote detour devolves into playful historical illiteracy and sexual references.
• Takeout Container Hierarchy:
  • Styrofoam vs. tin vs. black plastic vs. cardboard; what makes a restaurant classy or trashy based on carryout packaging.
  • “I think styrofoam is the trashiest thing any sort of food container.” (60:59 – Kevin)
  • Personal stories about years of eating hot wings out of plastic melting into Styrofoam trays.
• Headphone Wires and Pink Eye Fakery:
  • Reminiscing about old cheap headphones that only worked if you wiggled the wires.
  • Recalls of faking pink eye to get out of work—and the “chain infection” trick.
• Home Depot Buckets as Trash Cans:
  • “If it's in the garage, cool. If it's in the main bathroom, full garbage.” (67:08 – Kevin)
  • Nostalgia for using buckets as stools, toolboxes, and trash cans.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On trashy insurance:

  • “We got the general.” (01:54 – Kevin)
  • “Fucking idiot.” (01:55 – Foley)

• On family cooking:

  • “Listen, we all know Patty's an ace in the kitchen, don't get me wrong. But this shit with the black licorice, I like the Good and Plenty's. … You start throwing in black fucking jelly bean. Black and white jelly beans. What the—” (07:01 – Foley)

• On food guilt:

  • “Not like that. We’re on a comeback.” (15:30 – Foley, insisting he’s still on a “weight loss” track)

• On suburban trashiness:

  • “That was always my dad’s test to see how the alignment was on the car. Look at that—doesn’t even touch the wheel.” (68:42 – Foley on letting go of the steering wheel)

• On generational kitchen stuff:

  • “Dude, some of the handheld kitchen appliances that she brought over that have to be… older than me. You brought this? Made the trip?” (37:48 – Kevin)

• On Home Depot bucket use:

  • “I used to always, like, sitting on them too. … Good spot.” (67:43 – Foley)

• On carryout hierarchy:

  • “I think styrofoam is the trashiest … and I think that’s been documented since the 90s.” (60:59 – Kevin)

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Timestamps for Notable Segments

• [00:37-03:35]: Flood disaster and insurance jokes
• [04:22-08:45]: Easter candy woes at Mom’s house
• [09:00-13:00]: Ice cream fight and family cooking habits
• [21:07-33:26]: Kevin’s suburban massage saga
• [34:47-36:29]: Cookie sheet vs. sheet pan debate
• [41:11-42:33]: Plunger proximity and cleaning up after yourself
• [46:07-49:59]: Drinking on the roof; suburban “crow’s nest” dreams
• [52:09-54:08]: Treehouse nostalgia and parenting dilemmas
• [60:45-66:11]: Takeout container classiness and food-shame stories
• [68:37-69:08]: Steering wheel “alignment” test as a kid
• [69:20-70:24]: Headphones, chargers, and nostalgic tech trash

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Episode Tone & Closing Thoughts

This episode is a masterclass in unfiltered, blue collar, Philly-style storytelling. The banter is warm, rapid-fire, and deeply relatable for anyone raised in suburbs, small towns, or loving dysfunctional families. Foley and Ryan’s comic chemistry shines, blending schmaltz and mockery with every “garbage” confession.
No topic is too small, too gross, or too niche to debate—and every answer is supplied with a swirl of real nostalgia and relentless jokes.

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Essentially: If you grew up arguing about who got the bigger scoop of ice cream, hiding bad candy, sitting on paint buckets, or jury-rigging your headphones, this episode is for you.

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Missed it? This summary covers all the best stories and debates—enough to prep you for the most heated “Are You Garbage?” arguments at your next family dinner or Wawa visit.

Transcript

[Stage Foley]

Hey gang. The Back on the Block tour rolls on. We're going to be in Chicago and Indiana. Get your [e-mail] and run up to Squad and come out and see us.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Then we're doing some pop up shows in Pottstown, Pennsylvania at Soul Joel's baby. Limited tickets. Get them before they're gone. And we're also doing the Netflix as a joke festival. Get your tickets before they're gone. We'd love to see you on the road. Do it.

[Stage Foley]

La La Land. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Is R U Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[Stage Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Stage Foley]

I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. As you can tell, we are back down in the basement here at Tooties. We have major flood damage. We have a leak in the roof and it dripped down over our brand new studio edition. That too put in with her hard earned slip and fall money. And Toddie is now laying in that room where she has been for several days with a neck brace on in a crooked position because the insurance adjuster hasn't showed up. But she is not moving so she knows that she's going to get some pain and suffering.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wet her beak.

[Stage Foley]

I also have a bad back from the. From the. From the leak and I'm very traumatized from it. Yeah, my co host is not. He's totally cool. He doesn't need anything. Kevin Ryan is with me here in the basement.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks a lot Henry. I'm just. Thank you for pushing through your emotional damage and physical.

[Stage Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Inabilities.

[Stage Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Today with us.

[Stage Foley]

The leak knocked out two of my

[Kevin Ryan]

teeth and made my wieners small and

[Stage Foley]

put several pounds on me. I've been emotional eating since then.

[Kevin Ryan]

You call this a dick?

[Stage Foley]

Who's our insurance company here?

[Kevin Ryan]

Geico?

[Stage Foley]

Is that who we have?

[Kevin Ryan]

We got the general.

[Stage Foley]

Fucking idiot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really? We keep you legal for less.

[Stage Foley]

We don't have Geico also.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen. What's up everybody? Shout out to the shout out. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify.

[Stage Foley]

Yes we are. We're in the chart.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're going.

[Stage Foley]

We're in the top 100 on, on all podcasts and I believe the top 50 on comedy pod.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're trying to commit.

[Stage Foley]

You Guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're trying to commit insurance.

[Stage Foley]

I'm not trying to commit insurance. My neck hurts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then you shouldn't be working. You lost wages.

[Stage Foley]

You made me commit.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I didn't.

[Stage Foley]

Oh. Time. I'll countersue.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can't be screwed. Me getting in lost wages.

[Stage Foley]

Who's our insurance here? Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, like. Are you genuinely asking me outside of the bit?

[Stage Foley]

I want the number.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's an Asian woman in North Jersey. That is true.

[Stage Foley]

Right up my alley.

[Kevin Ryan]

Her name's. Her name's Karen.

[Stage Foley]

Hey. He can't say her name.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

Especially we start hooking up, then everybody's gonna know anyway. Ow. Where am I?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm a little disoriented.

[Stage Foley]

I'm blind from the black mold.

[Kevin Ryan]

All the pain and suffering.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, we got a leak, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we're jammed up.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Start. We told the homies on. On the page earlier today. We had a leak in the bathroom about a month ago that. That roof caved in. And then we have a fucking leak in the studio. Okay. Where all my toys are. Which I hope fucking all my GI Joe guys are cool. Otherwise. Then you're talking about the U.S. government.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. It's a bit of a. It's a. It's a bigger issue than we thought. They got a. There's, you know, they got a lot of sanding going on, a lot of steam cleaning. Where the boys are. The boys. Boys are jammed up. So hopefully this is our first and final public episode from.

[Stage Foley]

I like it down here. I think it's pretty cool. Luke's on the couch sitting there like a stoner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't love the. I don't love this. We're in the middle. I mean, this is. Yeah, this is. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

What? It's cool. We're hanging out.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're hanging.

[Stage Foley]

Quit being a. Get some pizzas or something. This is when you got to eat.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you were starting a diet in crisis.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. If you had a feed of crisis. There's shit going on. I'm surprised the neighbors aren't sending gift baskets and stuff like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. This has been a very traumatic time for everybody involved.

[Stage Foley]

It has. Speaking of traumatic times, I was down with my mother.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry to hear. Who you suing for that? Yikes.

[Stage Foley]

I was down there with Patty. She's babysitting my

[Kevin Ryan]

niece.

[Stage Foley]

My dog. Niece.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your dog?

[Stage Foley]

Niece. My brother's dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Is that how you say that?

[Stage Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

I just wanted to freak you out a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. It worked. Sue and pain and suffering creep me out.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Which I never really had a big connection with this dog, but I spent a couple days with her. She's pretty cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

We did the snuggles, couple big walks, all that kind of stuff. It's close to Easter time, right? Heathens out there that don't. Jesus was resurrected. Sure. And around that time. First of all, I saw a thing on the news that spending on Easter candy is up like 675% this year.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa. Would you get a raise or something? Aji Machi.

[Stage Foley]

Hey, check that carbon monoxide detector.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about a stimmy check. Hachi Machi. Gang, if you can still get stock in peeps, buy.

[Stage Foley]

Now, never would I eat peeps. But my mom has the joint decorator for Easter. She's got the Easter stuff out. I sent you both a picture because we don't have certain technical.

[Kevin Ryan]

We don't have a screen.

[Stage Foley]

We don't have a screen because that's. In the studio. That's soaking wet.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, pull the fourth wall. Luke and Diesel, we're trying to get all new equipment.

[Stage Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need a new car. I need a new bike. Delete, delete. Got all my shoes.

[Stage Foley]

Did the hundred thousand dollars in cash I have in there get all wet? Because that gets real bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the vending machine don't take my bills. How the hell am I supposed to eat?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, Luke, sure. Anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, so you want me to look at the picture?

[Stage Foley]

I want you to look at the picture of the bullshit that's.

[Luke]

Wow.

[Stage Foley]

That this fucking broad has the balls to put out in an Easter candy basket.

[Kevin Ryan]

First of all, it looks like what they give out at Bellevue. It's crazy, dude.

[Stage Foley]

Now, I want to go on record and say for a while, Patty has had a bowl of Good and Plenty, which I, in my older age have mentioned on this broadcast that I enjoy after a savory meal.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is that? Australian?

[Stage Foley]

A succulent.

[Kevin Ryan]

Succulent.

[Stage Foley]

After. After some cutlets Patty throws at you. Listen, we all know Patty's an ace in the kitchen, don't get me wrong. But this shit with the black licorice, I like the Good and Plenty's. You start throwing in black fucking jelly bean. Black and white jelly beans. What the.

[Kevin Ryan]

They look like pills, dude.

[Stage Foley]

Dude. And you think there's one or two purple ones in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's a Nexium. Nurse Ratchet over a couple of Dramamine floating around.

[Stage Foley]

Two of those, I wake up, I got no kidney, underwear's all backwards, my

[Kevin Ryan]

hair's throwing key parties. Dude, she's a swinger. These are all these. These are sideways the, the purple ones

[Stage Foley]

you would think would be like grape or something. It's that allspice flavor. You know what I'm talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like put it on chicken. Yeah. Chicken flavored jelly beans.

[Stage Foley]

It's like that clove spice shit. It's like I'm taking a bite of deodorant.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's too many different sizes. A bowl of candy should at least be a colorful whatever. But like she kind of. Everything looks different. A Tic Tac or two in there.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Not to mention she's got these dog treats that look just like Teddy Graham's. I came this close to fucking throwing a handful of them back. Trying to kill me down here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Stage Foley]

Anyway, I just wanted to point that out.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's bad.

[Stage Foley]

Pretty whack bowl of candy. But you know Patty, she's probably watching. Thank you for going to pick up Franz owns. You're the best. I love you. She stopped and got it. She got a pizza. My. One of my favorite pizzas down there. Franzone's Pizza in Conshohock. She picked up a pie. Sweet pie. Love it. Delicious. Very good. I don't want to get into the ice cream situation. That was kind of. That was almost a war.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[Stage Foley]

Because this all sounds really bad for a 50 year old man. I said we should stop and get ice cream. She said I have ice cream at the house. I get there, there's like three scoops.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's enough for a man of your stature.

[Stage Foley]

Because she was getting. She was having a cone.

[Kevin Ryan]

So two scoops isn't enough for you?

[Stage Foley]

Two scoops? What am I, a bowl of Raisin Bran? Get the fuck out of here. Two scoops.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are an all time dickhead.

[Stage Foley]

Watching our shows together. It's a big NCIS. Big show. 200 episodes, something like that. Make a lot of money on that show. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What kind of ice cream are we talking?

[Stage Foley]

It was chocolate chocolate chip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turkey Hill?

[Stage Foley]

Yes, Turkey Hill. Organic or something like that? Wack.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably not, but I don't think the Hill does organic. They do for marketing purposes.

[Stage Foley]

Joy is good. Chocolate chocolate chip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where did you want to stop and get ice cream? At like a joint or like.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, I'll tell you the truth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no thanks. It's always, always smoking mirrors with you.

[Stage Foley]

So when I saw the. I said to her sometime earlier that day when she had gotten back from the pizza, I don't have a license right now because it's still suspended because

[Kevin Ryan]

I got that thing like being 14, complaining about ice cream. I want my pizza. This Candy sucks. And the ice cream at home is.

[Stage Foley]

You get my back on a candy thing. Come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but this goes.

[Stage Foley]

I ate the black. I ate the black licorice jelly beans, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, you have a leg. You have a leg to stand on when you're complaining about the jelly beans. But that with the menagerie of other shortcomings.

[Stage Foley]

I know I did a bunch of shit for at the house last time. I was. Anyway, I say, do you have any ice cream? She says, yes. I say, what do you have? She's like, I have that chocolate chocolate chip. I like it. It's good. I'm like, sweet. So I'm thinking, you know, half a. Half a g. When you say that, you know, there's not fucking. The Angela's Ashes version in there. Fucking. We're, you know, we're cutting a bean together. So it comes ice cream time right after ABC World News with. What's his name?

[Kevin Ryan]

Lester Holt, is it?

[Stage Foley]

No, it's NBC. But she does not watch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay?

[Stage Foley]

She watches ABC World News with. What's the dude's name?

[Luke]

David Muir.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, David Muir. She watches that. So that. And then she's a sheep.

[Kevin Ryan]

Someone needs to red pill this. Have her come over Denise's house.

[Stage Foley]

She goes over here. That Jesse Waters.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll have Denise turn her out

[Stage Foley]

anyway. Yeah. So it comes time. Yeah, it's ice cream time. Dogs get their pup cup, right? It just turned.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dog gets happy birthday.

[Stage Foley]

The dogs get their pup cup with what? Whipped cream.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. A little dab will do you, too. I feel you took a little whack off that, didn't you, huh? Nitrous. Nate, get a. Get a quick wawa with the mom, will you?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. The dogs get a pup cup. So, you know, what am I fucking jerk off? No, no.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

She didn't have any whipped cream, but she had heavy cream, which I had used in my coffee earlier that day, which caused a major spill on my T shirt because I guess it's been sitting in there for a little bit. And the cream had formed on top, which, as you know, it's good heavy cream. And I shook it. Nothing happened. Then I squeeze it and it goes all over my shirt. So she had to wash that. I had my coffee with a little splash of heavy cream. Try it out. It's delicious. Very good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now, does she let you use the telephone, or how does that work?

[Stage Foley]

I can't make any long distance calls if we had a house line, which we don't. She's not paying for that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Someone calls that, you pick Up. My mom's not here. Oh, is that right? Yeah. How old are you? 50. He said not to banshee to door for strangers. But you sound like a nice guy, man.

[Stage Foley]

I stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, it ain't great anyhoo, but I will give you a living back at home with your mom.

[Stage Foley]

I'm not living back at home. Fucking dick. I was down there shooting a TV show. Listen, I stopped at my mom's to spend the night before. Before I got a car and came back up to New York, where I'm doing very well personally. I'm not living there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I meant staying. You know what I meant.

[Stage Foley]

I stayed a night there, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all.

[Stage Foley]

To spend time with my mother and to help her out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, listen, for a guy not living with his mom, you're sure defensive, Mikey.

[Stage Foley]

She lives with me.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's kind of a cohabitation thing we got going.

[Stage Foley]

No, I'm not living down in Dan.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one said you were.

[Stage Foley]

You did.

[Kevin Ryan]

No chick's watching this. I misspoke. Your mom? Yeah, I can give you an earful. Your next roommate meeting you guys have.

[Stage Foley]

How dare you? Okay, I didn't finish my story about the ice cream. That's when I discovered when it was ice cream time. How little ice cream was there. Okay, so I Uber eats a pint of Ben and Jerry's for us to share. Chocolate brownie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thank you. You're welcome.

[Stage Foley]

Which she couldn't understand that. I'm going to take a shower. I'm like, just so you know, I got some ice cream. Ah. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

How'd you get ice cream? Sure.

[Stage Foley]

I said, oh my God. I Uber eatsed it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a pint of Uber Eats. Set you back. That was the only thing you got? No, it was not. If I know if I know my friend, I know I don't like the

[Stage Foley]

way this is all being painted.

[Kevin Ryan]

And listen, I don't think you ordered a bag of spinach either, O Chubbs McGillicotty. I think there was some candy involved.

[Stage Foley]

No, there was no candy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Franzone's pizza.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, I had a Franzone's pizza. I had, yeah, two pies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. What else did you get from Ubereats? Huh?

[Stage Foley]

That night. Which night was it? I got a. No, I'm down £75. Just so everybody knows, okay? I don't want everybody getting too overhyped about this or like Foley's falling apart or. Not like that. We're on a comeback.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're doing great.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, there's comedy purposes and so you're

[Kevin Ryan]

really sticking to the bit that this is.

[Stage Foley]

I got a French toast sizzly with turkey sausage and American cheese. I had to get something. They weren't going to deliver just one pint of ice cream. No, they weren't. It didn't meet the. Didn't meet the quota.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not 1922.

[Stage Foley]

It didn't meet the quota. They said you have to spend a little more money.

[Kevin Ryan]

You have to spend exactly. A French toast sizzly in order to get this. Yes.

[Stage Foley]

And, man, this morning. How many sandwiches did you get last night? Just fucking busting my balls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I mean, I think that's a fair question.

[Stage Foley]

No, it's not. I'm a grown man, a growing boy. Not to mention I get there. Were they happy with you? Did you do a good job? How'd Tampa go? Just needle and needle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like it's, like hanging out with you.

[Luke]

No, that thing's nuts. The French. Get some eyes on the French toast.

[Stage Foley]

I don't need to. Hey, what are you, the fucking school newspaper over here. Take it easy.

[Luke]

It's got some artificial swirl in there.

[Stage Foley]

That's cinnamon.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the diabetes.

[Stage Foley]

That's Ozempic. Yeah. So can I tell you this?

[Kevin Ryan]

You can tell me whatever you want, bud.

[Stage Foley]

And I apologize. I never had the ice cream.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

It's sitting in there. Didn't touch it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Yep. Okay.

[Stage Foley]

Because I was sick from the French toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sizzling cinnamon swirl.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Anyway, that was a situation with the Easter candy down there at my mom's. Now, I know somewhere in that house there's a bunch of good Easter candy hidden.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Stage Foley]

But she has that shit out to throw me off the scent, which I respect.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, she can't put that.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, listen, you know, I scooped it out a little bit. I couldn't find nothing, so she might have some new hiding spots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[Stage Foley]

I did almost eat a grizzly bear.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got to put it up in the attic. Otherwise you'll find it,

[Stage Foley]

bury it in a cool wet sack. Good weekend?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds. It sounds like a great weekend.

[Stage Foley]

Kabi. Let's talk about the perfect gene.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ooh, the perfect gene. The perfect gene. The perfect gene.

[Stage Foley]

Now, as you know, I'm down a couple of pounds.

[Kevin Ryan]

Looking good, big guy.

[Stage Foley]

Thank you. The toughest thing to get has been jeans. But now with the perfect jean, I say goodbye to the saggy butt, the baggies, the whatever. If you want the perfect pair of jeans, go over to the perfect jean and get yourself straightened out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, life is too short for denim that fights you every step of the way. These Jeans move with you. Whether you're chasing kids, tackling chores, or just chilling like a boss, they got you covered. Denim so stretchy, it's yoga ready. Sharp enough to turn heads and comfy enough, you'll forget that you're wearing them until someone compliments you. Listen, finding jeans that fit you right is the hardest thing. The good folks over there at the perfect jeans were nice enough to lace us up. And I got to tell you, it's a fricking game changer. You can travel in these things. They're not stiff, they fit. They fit. They're snug in the right spots, they're loose in the right spots. They, they just fit nice. The Perfect Jean has six fits, a size range from 26 to 50 inch waist for the bigger gentleman and lengths up to 38 for the stretch Armstrongs out there. They give you 5,000 plus ways to find your perfect match. They got thick, skinny, short, tall. No matter what you are, the perfect gene has you covered. For a limited time. Our listeners get 15% off their first order plus free shipping at ThePerfectGene NYC or Google the Perfect Gene and use the code GARBAGE15 for 15% off. That's 15% off for new customers at ThePerfectGene NYE with the promo code GARBAGE15. After you purchase, they'll ask you where you heard about them. Please support the show and tell them the boys sent you. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect jeans. Do it.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Kip Tumb up. Shopify, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shopify. Shopify. Shopify.

[Stage Foley]

Shopify. Shopify. Shopify. We are a Shopify family. If you have a business, whether it's brick and mortar, whether it's online, do yourself a favor, take the business to the next level and use Shopify. We use you for the store. We got merch on sale right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, we just did a huge drop. Powered by Shopify.

[Stage Foley]

Powered by Shopify.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shopify. Listen, we were bozos with the merch. We didn't know what was what Shopify has allowed us. I mean, you can add all these different products, different product lines. You can do sales, you can do free shipping, which we got going on right now. No big deal. They let you do all these kind of things. You'd have multiple pictures for each product. And listen, I know we got a lot of people out there, a lot of side business, a lot of hustlers who create products. Whether you do wood products, whether you do paintings, whether you do this, you do that, that Shopify can take care of you. If you haven't heard about Shopify. It helps you find. It helps your customers find you. With easy to run email and social media campaigns. Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 support. And right now it's time to turn up those what ifs and those sales with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial today at shopify.com garbage go to shopify.com/garbage one more time that shopify.com garbage do it.

[Stage Foley]

Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I Before we left for Tampa, Shout out to it.

[Stage Foley]

Shout out to everybody that came out to Tampa. Very special weekend down there. We appreciate you guys very, very much. Very sold out shows.

[Kevin Ryan]

4.95 shows. No one needs to know about the back row on Thursday night.

[Stage Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wouldn't tell anybody that.

[Stage Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Five sold out shows.

[Stage Foley]

Heaters on Friday and Saturday, just bangers. Hey, then we appreciate it very much.

[Kevin Ryan]

Before I did, I did maybe the trashiest thing I've done in a long time.

[Stage Foley]

What's this?

[Kevin Ryan]

When I was home, I was down, I was visiting Denise and I, I, we were, you know, stressed shooting the special, the whole nine yard travel.

[Stage Foley]

This, that, after this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Before, right? Before.

[Stage Foley]

You were stressed before?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was stressed before, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Friday.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

Friday you loosened up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks.

[Stage Foley]

You did, you were. Because I think after the first show Friday, you felt really good. And that made me very happy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[Stage Foley]

And then we had a great weekend. The rest of the weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great weekend. Rest of the weekend, huh? I, I, I was stressed. Right. You know, you know, we got a lot going on.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was like, I want to go get a massage. I start poking around places to go get him down there. Yeah. I know nothing really, because in New York you're used to like the fucking, you know, I don't know if they're fucking jack shacks or what, but they're the dollar a minute joints, you know what I mean? All just like the little Asian spots. There's one like every couple of blocks. Well, they don't have them in the burbs, you know what I mean? And when you're walking by or it's in a neighborhood, it's a little more, you know, appetizing. It's weird if you pull up to a strip mall and it's like the last thing and you know what I mean? There's no, it fits in the setting

[Stage Foley]

in New York next to a butcher shop.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it just does, you know, next to something that just says taxes or something like that.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I like, I pulled up to a couple, I was like this just looks shady. Yeah, this looks like I'm about to get a sting or something's going to happen, you know what I mean?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like the cops running. Yeah, I swear to God. Meanwhile, I'm hard already in the parking lot.

[Stage Foley]

Are you supposed to take care of yourself before you go to those places?

[Kevin Ryan]

I do that. I told you that that was my move.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get them before you go. That way there's no chance of that guy giving me a hard on.

[Stage Foley]

Going in with a limp noodle, empty gun.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? Hold on.

[Stage Foley]

This. Before you left, you weren't going to be in New York?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, freak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wasn't. Whatever. I just needed to release some tension.

[Stage Foley]

I bet you did. With a shocker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Finger my asshole.

[Stage Foley]

I.

[Kevin Ryan]

So the only one I can find that I'm like, relatively okay with was in the Oxford Valley Mall. It was. It was. And I got there before the mall open.

[Stage Foley]

One of those dudes that do it out in the mall by the kiosk. Like you're hunched over like that now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now real estate's. I mean, there's only like six stores in the mall left.

[Stage Foley]

Nice and quiet.

[Kevin Ryan]

How I like it.

[Luke]

Who else is in that parking lot?

[Stage Foley]

I mean, other creeps like him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Other guy's about to get jerked off. It's just me and a bunch of guys. You look like me.

[Stage Foley]

A lot of guys in sunglasses and their hats pull down low.

[Kevin Ryan]

A bunch of guys pregaming in the car.

[Stage Foley]

Papa.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I park. It's at the end of the mall.

[Stage Foley]

No, it's at the. I think it was at the Pennies.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's across on the Pennies.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, my God. Jerked off in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I didn't. Get your dog.

[Stage Foley]

No. Getting whacked off.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, stop it.

[Stage Foley]

As gross and probably going and stuffing your face with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hit some bars.

[Stage Foley]

Did you? Thick slice Diet Coke. I'm a little sleepy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm smoking.

[Stage Foley]

How's your day going?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey. Yeah, Beautiful day out today.

[Stage Foley]

You just got rip cord. Some Asian dude just pulled your ejector seat. I was really hoping for something. That's what came out. So go ahead. Obviously we're joking. Kevin. I'll do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're joking. No. So I go and. And I'm talking to my wife. I got. At least. I can't go to a. I can't go get my. I can't go get a massage in the mall. She's like, just go mean while you're in the parking lot. So I go in the doors. Dude, this is how bad malls Are they just never came and opened up

[Stage Foley]

the door like that? Yeah. It was like me gotta go around front.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was me a guy in all Eagles gear. Like head to toe Eagles gear. I think it was an old timer cruising. Then they what? Like just the mall. Like they go and get their stickers. He's cruising for guys waiting. Waiting for sunshine Blue massages.

[Stage Foley]

What it was called?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's called Serene Blue. She blew my top off.

[Luke]

It was me.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then they. They were trained in service dogs. So it was like me and like four German shepherds where I guess they walked them through the mall.

[Stage Foley]

These dogs don't smell come, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

They're just growling at my dick and my ass.

[Stage Foley]

What the. Man? They're training service dogs in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like Mogadish.

[Stage Foley]

They didn't have some dude in like

[Kevin Ryan]

that that they're waterboarding some guy in the fountain.

[Stage Foley]

They didn't have a dude in that dog bite suit, did they?

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you get a hand job? They're dunking them. Did you go to Serene Blue and get a hand job? They didn't have a guy in this suit. He's. He's running down the Spencer's gift. The dog's just mauled him.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, that'd be pretty sick. Hey, you want to get people back to the mall? That's what you got.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little foot track, a little showmanship. Them.

[Stage Foley]

How would they. What were they training them to work at the Sunglass? That's. That's what they're doing at malls now. They're training bomb sniffers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, and they were. They were combat dogs that were like get. Bringing. You know what that they were like re. Acclimating into the. Into the civilian life or something?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, you Hurt Locker dogs, you were in there. Sexy spot. You mean like the dogs when they have the glasses on that jump out of the planes with the seals?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I don't think.

[Stage Foley]

You know. You ever seen that? Ah, it's so cute. They you up though. That makes me so.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wouldn't.

[Stage Foley]

I'd be so worried about the dog. Dog's a liability. I know they people up and probably, you know, I'd be. I'd be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that you're worried about jumping out of the fucking plane?

[Stage Foley]

I know the seals use those dogs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, that's what these were. These were like.

[Stage Foley]

I'd be so pissed if something happened. Like, how would you not be able to be emotional if something happened to the dog? You. You killed my dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Also, you just started. You did the hand motion and you're just spraying people.

[Stage Foley]

He killed my dog or shot the dog or something. So they were coming back, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

They were back.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, what, did you ask somebody this?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they had like the shirts on or something? Not the dogs, the trainers.

[Stage Foley]

That sounds like you were tripping. Serene Blue.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, these dogs. I walked off, they were. They all popped. They were laying down. They popped up and were mugging me.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, you come all over, creep.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were looking at me like this guy parties. German shepherds, Two shepherds in like a, like a lab.

[Stage Foley]

Dachshund.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Chihuahuas, Cartels. So they. Yeah. So then I had to go to another entrance, which was like. And I'm the guy. So I got back in the car, like, I can't do this. That's a sign, I'm out. And I went back to another one. I went in. I went in that way where I went into the mall, but in another entrance. How to get in my car, drive to another entrance, park the car, walk in.

[Stage Foley]

Dude, just go home, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, dude, I know. And I walked in, I did a. I did a. I had a pee first. So I did a breeze by the place just to get eyes on it real quick. I wasn't a soul, dude. It wasn't a soul inside. We're talking 10. We're talking 1015 on like, oh, Tuesday morning at the Oxford Valley Mall.

[Stage Foley]

Prime sting time, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what the dogs are there for.

[Stage Foley]

We got them, man. That's Prime's thing. What are you doing here, sir?

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a bad back.

[Stage Foley]

I was looking for the hot rocks, that's all.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I went to the bathroom. Used the bathroom at the mall. At the mall, man, you are.

[Stage Foley]

You got red flags all over you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Stage Foley]

Who the fuck uses that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, there was two guys going over their one guy's resume at the mall food court at 10:15am he's like, well, you need to change this to this. I go, buddy, you're not getting the job. Neither one of you. I don't think the other guy's employees.

[Stage Foley]

That's some shit I would do eating Chinese food.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking plate full of noodles. Plate full of brown noodles.

[Stage Foley]

What is it about the lo mein? There is so goddamn good at a food court, Chinese place.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I do gotta give it. There was a handful of old timers hanging out, having their coffee because the Dunkin was open. One guy had a little ice cream. I was like, that's fucking. That's nice. That's their hangout. No one's bothering them.

[Stage Foley]

He's yelled at me for having ice cream.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

He's yelled at me for having ice cream.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was yelling you for breaking your mom's balls about the ice cream. I didn't know. Like, I yelled at you, made fun of you. Poked fun. So I go back in and man, it just really. I walk in and a woman walks by the back. Like she's like all the way. And it's a big joint because space is cheap. So there's got to be like 30 rooms in there. I'm the only guy there and she's the only girl there and she's in the back mopping, like with like a big mop. I'm like, that's a lot of come. You know what I mean? So I'm like, this isn't gonna be the woman who gives me like. There was just one girl.

[Stage Foley]

It ain't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, yeah, dude. These coarse ass hands she had, they were like manual labor hands.

[Stage Foley]

So you went in and got a body. A full massage. What'd you strip down to if there

[Kevin Ryan]

was a sign that said, please leave your underwear on because at the end of the day I am in the mall.

[Stage Foley]

Is that what the sign said? That would be awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't forget, you are in the mall right now.

[Stage Foley]

Please keep your underwear on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Please keep your underwear on. Which made me think there was going to be no hanky panky. I also checked the reviews, of course. Huh. But yeah, there was. It was very professional. Did some hot rocks.

[Stage Foley]

Nice. You know, there's the tunes going.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that Purple Rain.

[Stage Foley]

I never meant to coach you. I got diesel with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was very professional. But it did make. It was. It didn't feel great. As a human of going there to get a mass. It just was not the best. That's not where a lot of people are getting massages. It was. It was a. Is a. You know, it's cool, but it is what it is.

[Stage Foley]

Said she was awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was great. I hit her heavy.

[Stage Foley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, no chain again. That's. Honey, that's for you. Next time underwear comes off. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Cash always makes you ripped that side down.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you play ball. Yeah. But it was very. I highly recommend it. Serene blue in Oxford Valley Mall.

[Stage Foley]

So this is before still showed up at Tampa with a little bit of a toot on.

[Kevin Ryan]

You sure. And what would you have had you think?

[Stage Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

What? On me and you were just.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were just fucking. You were.

[Stage Foley]

You were vibes guy all weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Oh, my God. You want to bring. I did. This was. This is more of a hard feelings But

[Stage Foley]

I thought we had a nice breakfast.

[Kevin Ryan]

See, no. Now you do this. You put it on all of us. It's not on us. You asked was I a vibes guy all weekend, and Luke's going to give you the honest answer.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Luke]

You started the trip with emergency diarrhea.

[Stage Foley]

Started to trip, emergency diarrhea.

[Luke]

You had to sleep it off literally on the plane.

[Stage Foley]

That's true. God damn zeppelin get you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ain't gonna get you. But all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon A, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Whether we're down the basement, whether we're in the edition. Wherever we are, the boys will stay and then deliver.

[Stage Foley]

That's right. Just in the nick of time too. Vibes got stacking heat on me.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we're apple up a little. All right, let's see here. This one is a little appetizer to get started. This is from Nicholas. Do you call the bake. Do you call it a baking sheet or a cooking tray or a cookie tray?

[Stage Foley]

A cookie sheet? What?

[Kevin Ryan]

We would say a baking sheet or cookie tray.

[Stage Foley]

We would call it a cookie sheet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cookie sheet.

[Stage Foley]

Patty calls it a cookie sheet. Get a cookie sheet.

[Kevin Ryan]

We would say cookie tray, I think, or maybe sheet. Definitely not bait. I think now with my wife, it's baking because I don't think she would know it as a cookie.

[Stage Foley]

It'd be pan anyway. Cooking pan. Cookie sheet. Yeah, we call cookie sheet. Yeah, Patty calls it a cookie sheet.

[Kevin Ryan]

But he did say he's like, it's never on the back of like a pizza. Does it say put on a cookie, put on a cookie sheet. Which is a good point. Cookie. Cookie what? Cookie, whatever. Is trash. Is trash.

[Stage Foley]

Very great. Very good question.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is it really called a baking sheet?

[Stage Foley]

A baking sheet. Is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I believe. Yeah, it says on a, you know, on a baking. On a, you know, large baking sheet or butter. You know, spray a little Pam on a baking sheet.

[Stage Foley]

Pam's no good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[Stage Foley]

What is it, Luke?

[Luke]

Baking sheet or sheet pan?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sheet.

[Stage Foley]

Pan. All right, sheet pan. Sounds familiar.

[Kevin Ryan]

That sounds like she crab soup. I don't like that.

[Stage Foley]

Cookie sheet. Get a cookie sheet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go get a sheet pan. No, Sounds like hillbilly shit.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, No, I always try to think of what it would sound like, my mom saying it, yelling, get a cookie sheet. Yeah, that's it. Cookie sheet.

[Luke]

Cookie sheet is a real type of baking sheet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[Luke]

Because it. That's the one with the raised edges in the middle.

[Stage Foley]

What raised edges?

[Luke]

You know when some of them have like the ridges on the sheet, like the bumps?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

And so food slides off easier.

[Stage Foley]

I never had no cookie that was. Fucking had bumps on the bottom.

[Luke]

No, but like. Like there's little ridges, like, throughout the pan so that it. The cookie won't stick to the sheet when it's baking.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you're wrong, dude. Cookie sheet with the raised edges.

[Stage Foley]

You mean like. Like bumps?

[Kevin Ryan]

Cookie sheet with bumps.

[Stage Foley]

I ain't never seen. Let me see that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I never seen that.

[Stage Foley]

Get the out of here. If I.

[Kevin Ryan]

That says it's Nordic.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. I never had lumps on.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's rich kid.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what? That. Dude, baking sheets are something that. I don't know why. I have one that I've probably used like four times, and then it's just been stained with like, it's. You can't get it off. You scrub it. I don't know what it is. It's just on there.

[Stage Foley]

Crazy. I don't know what it is either.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like SAP that just stays and then gets sucked in.

[Stage Foley]

My mom's got one that she probably had for 50 years. Things brutal. Couldn't even tell what real color it is. Wild. Looks like brain splattered all over it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That made me think. My mom. My mom moved recently. We moved out of the house I grew up in, and she moved to her new house, and I went over and it was just like, dude, some of the handheld kitchen appliances that she brought over that have to be 40, that are older than me, and I'm like, this. You brought this. Made the trip. You know what I mean? Yeah, well, you know, they were expensive. You bought it in 1979.

[Stage Foley]

Some of that stuff. They did. Sentimental value.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but not. These are like certain things where you're just. Just like. You have another one of these as well. You know what? I get this. I mean, listen, you know, I'm sentimental value with salad tongs. Ok?

[Stage Foley]

I push back on that. Maybe not salad tongs, but I definitely. And I know I'm fucked up. There's definitely more things in the kitchen that I would have sentiment. Sentimental value to than not Than anywhere else in the house. Like, they have these.

[Kevin Ryan]

These jokes write themselves, gang. I mean, what am I doing?

[Stage Foley]

We have these three bowls. They're three silver bowls.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would. I understand that. I'm saying that stuff's a little different than utensils that sit in a drawer that you may or may not use once every six years.

[Stage Foley]

We got a Ginsu knife that fucking. We've had for probably.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're clearly not going to meet in the middle of this for comedy purposes. What the fuck, dude? I understand your point of view. I was making a comedic aside to keep on moving and build on. But if I understand there are. There's also.

[Stage Foley]

If you don't want the salad songs, I'll take.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. No, I have a huge connection to them. This one is from. Go ahead, dickhead. Plunger on the floor next to the toilet, question mark.

[Stage Foley]

Standard staple trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think we.

[Stage Foley]

Ours was in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ours was in the garage.

[Stage Foley]

The garage?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

It wasn't on the same floor as the toilet.

[Kevin Ryan]

We have a toilet on the first floor.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, but that's not the one that gets used heavy bike. The one that gets used heavy bike is the one upstairs in the shower. That's the one that's going to need plunging after Igor goes in there, deuces it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I don't think we were clogging toilets that much as a family. I don't know what you. And the fucking toilets.

[Stage Foley]

And also we have a thing in our front yard. I guess it's like the gas escape from the line.

[Kevin Ryan]

The vent.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, that's the toilet. Toilet. And poop has come up in that. Not that long ago. Maybe like five years ago. I think I used paper towel or something like that and it fucked something up. And. Yeah, that got jammed up, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were right. You're like. You're like mayhem from the Allstate commercials. You stink, dude.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, like tough look with the neighbors.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were. Yeah. I mean, I think it lived in the garage and I don't ever remember using it like heavy like that.

[Stage Foley]

Did you have a plunger that. That could prolapse, you know I'm talking about.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember we had a real cheap. We had a. Yeah, we had. Those were. That was like new technology that came out in the 90s, I feel.

[Stage Foley]

I always thought ours was weird because it had. That you could push it. You could push it back in. You have to wash your hands afterwards.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. I mean we. Yeah, we had. We had a red one. The standard red one, like the red circle. And then we had a black one that had like a butthole to it, but that was out more. I think it didn't really go in.

[Stage Foley]

I think it was supposed to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember ours being hard was. But yeah, I feel it now that I know a little better. I'm a little more Refined. A toilet plunger next to a toilet is a. It's just fucking.

[Stage Foley]

What about the scrubby? We never had that. We never had a toilet brush.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

And then that was. That was fancy to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I didn't know. You were supposed. It's supposed, and maybe I'm wrong, but you're supposed to clean up after. If you leave some skid marks.

[Stage Foley]

That's what that's for. You got a spray.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what my wife says. Yeah, but no, I think you just. You just give it a little dab of.

[Stage Foley]

What are we, the Romans? Like scrubbing ours. Cleaning our ass with a fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you don't clean your ass with it.

[Stage Foley]

Pungent vinegar. That's what they used back then. Or dipped in honey or something.

[Luke]

Something freaky, but it's more European because they got the low flow.

[Kevin Ryan]

They have the. They have the different. The toilets are different.

[Stage Foley]

You can't just scrub the doo doo off off the toilet without a little 409 or something. You catch it fresh, you got a fresh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, give it a flush. I mean, I think you're. I think you're better off take cleaning it rather than leaving it. If you don't have 409, you know what I mean? You're better off getting what you can. I was always just like, you flush it, you flush it again. If that don't work, you pee it off the next time. You know what I mean? You hit it with the blaster, you leave it there.

[Stage Foley]

So the other ones know. Mm, there's a wolf in the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I also. This is the first time I'm living with anybody that would really break my balls about it.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I was sharing a bathroom with Danny before,

[Stage Foley]

like they were dragging

[Kevin Ryan]

a demon back to hell. You love poop talk. You use the same three jokes every time. You like potty humor?

[Stage Foley]

No, I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

You do. It's okay.

[Stage Foley]

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[Kevin Ryan]

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[Stage Foley]

Beep beep beep.

[Kevin Ryan]

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[Stage Foley]

Do it.

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[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is from TJ$10 homie shout out to you. I grew up in a Row home in North Philly, but have moved to the burbs and my garbage for drinking beer while ripping heaters on my roof. Also, it's a rancher, so I can't climb out the window. I need to break out the ladder. That's.

[Stage Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got. Listen. I have access to my roof in the burbs, and all I want to do is go out on it.

[Stage Foley]

How do you have access?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? Outside one of the. I believe they're called dormers. No, not a dormer. Whatever. I can get out just in the attic. No.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

The bedrooms. I have, like two small roofs and then the big roof.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, I got.

[Kevin Ryan]

So, like in the second. The second floor, I can get out one window from each room onto, like, the. The. The. The garage roof, essentially.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Here's my thing with it. Yes, it's trash, for sure, but it's cool as shit. I gotta tell you, you get up on that roof and you look out over your neighborhood. Talk about a different perspective. It's like you can see over everything. The sun's going down, you're ripping a heater, you got a beer. Maybe your dog's out there with you. It's pretty fucking sick. Yeah, I always want. I'm sorry. I always thought it'd be cool to have like. Like a lookout.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crow's nest.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Like, you know, up in a tree or something like that. To look out over the neighborhood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[Stage Foley]

Pretty cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta get up there, though.

[Stage Foley]

Sick. Imagine that, watching a thunderstorm come in, come down when it starts raining. Yeah, I think they call them that. Don't they call, like, Lightning?

[Luke]

The McMansions. They always have, like, that little, like, crow's nest almost up top where they have, like, a light sometimes. And you can't get up there, you can just see it. And I always get so mad that you can't, like, get up there and get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what you're talking about.

[Stage Foley]

Light.

[Luke]

There's like. It's like in a lot of McMansions, they'll have like a little, like up on the ceiling of like, a big two story living room. They'll have like a little, like, post, Like a little like.

[Stage Foley]

He had that. He had that at his house. You had that fucking. There was like a little spot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, the. Like a bay window kind of up front. No. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Up there, but Window.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't get there. Yeah, yeah.

[Luke]

Always bothers the shit, didn't you?

[Stage Foley]

I thought you guys got up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Danny would Climb up there?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

We pull a chair from the living room, and he would climb up. I've only been up there once or twice.

[Stage Foley]

Fat ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I was too fat to get up there. Too fat and too. Too fat and too little at the same time.

[Stage Foley]

Too scared.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. Well, yes.

[Stage Foley]

Sick up there. Get your g. Get your guys up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, he would do it when my. You know, he would throw stuff up there, then he would get up there. But our neighbors connected. Our neighbors. You could walk out there.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That's pretty sick. I thought you meant outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I thought you meant, like.

[Stage Foley]

The fuck are you talking about? Yeah, the place with a lighthouse.

[Kevin Ryan]

So this is. This is. This is a very trash conversation I'm having in real life at the moment.

[Stage Foley]

You want to go out on the roof?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I do, but every time I think about it, I think I'm gonna fall. I picture myself falling and I go, I'm gonna fall, and I'm gonna go, you fucking idiot. I knew you were gonna fall, fall. And I. I feel that pain, like, right away. You know what I mean?

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I go like. I just know I'm gonna be rolling around going, you idiot.

[Stage Foley]

Like when Danny Day Lewis falls in the beginning.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh? Yeah, that's. I'm gonna have that.

[Stage Foley]

That hurts. I've done that before on a rock up at Lake George. We were, like, climbing a little hill, and I. I, like, spun out and I fell back and there was a rock sticking out like that. And it caught me, like, right mid back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

And there was like two seconds where I thought, like, my back was broken. I was up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. When I fell down those stairs, I was just like, I gotta stop putting myself in those positions to get hurt like that. And, you know, my fat ass. My fat dumb ass on a roof.

[Stage Foley]

But your second floor, you'd be all right. You're not gonna get hurt. And it's only really one floor.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not like I'm jumping. I'd still fall and land on my back. Also, I don't. I don't want to fall off a roof. I got shit to do. Yeah. My kid looking at me, dog licking me. And it's gonna take a lot of trips to serene blue to fix that. Not a hot stone massage. So we were talking. We had to get some tree work done in the burbs.

[Stage Foley]

What does that mean? Plant trees or get trimmed up?

[Kevin Ryan]

Trimmed up.

[Stage Foley]

Well, what's going on? Do you mean neighbors bitching?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. We have a tree that's like well over a hundred Years old.

[Stage Foley]

Cut it down. No, Call a Splenda.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Stage Foley]

A Splenda.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ash blund.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Stage Foley]

It's the first thing that little dirtbags find out when they're kids. How big that company?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Yeah. Hey, we drive by, telling the dealer, you see them trucks? 72 countries.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's probably one guy in Dubai with a fucking, you know, with some shears to trim in a bonsai tree. No. So whatever. Then that came with. She's like. Nadine was like, you know, I want to keep. Whatever. There's these huge branches that we just. There was a bad storm, like, a couple of weeks ago, and bigger branches were falling into the yard where we're like, we gotta. It's been on the list of things to do we gotta do. Anywho, we were talking about having a tree fort for little Kipirino.

[Stage Foley]

Nice. In that tree. What in that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Any tree. There's a couple of trees.

[Stage Foley]

You have a civilization. A civilization. Opossums living underneath your shed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Groundhogs and nice guys. What? I don't know. I haven't seen them in a minute.

[Stage Foley]

You should be getting babies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fox has got them.

[Stage Foley]

You should be getting some babies soon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Stage Foley]

It's pretty cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know if they're still there. I haven't seen him in a while, so I. Maybe he moved on to bigger and better things.

[Stage Foley]

Moved up to the city.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he got his own place finally. Freeloader.

[Stage Foley]

Swing at it. Okay, so.

[Kevin Ryan]

So is a tree house nice, right? You want a suburban kid? You want to have a tree house? But then she was like, oh, look at this. And it was like, this company that will come build a tree house. And I'm like, that's sick. But then I was like, the cool dirt bag thing is to build your own. Like, make your own fort. Like, I got a piece of wood here. I can take this. I can. I'm like, when parents got involved with the stuff, you know, we were. We build forts all the time. When the. The fun of it is doing it with the limited resources and, like, making do with what it is.

[Stage Foley]

Elbow piece. That. That doesn't go anywhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like, oh, I can get a piece of carpet from this or something. Like, we were, you know, just making it work with the stuff you could find. Like carrying a piece of wood that you found somewhere to do something.

[Stage Foley]

My dad built this one in the mountaintop. It was pretty sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but terrible.

[Stage Foley]

But it was. Dad built it with us. You know, we were little, but, yeah, we were up there. Doing all that stuff. It was awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was like, doing it yourself is the cooler thing. Versus. But then I'm like, I don't know. But then as a kid who had the pretty. Had the really shitty version of the fucking triad. I was nine. Doing fucking structural work. No one ever helped me.

[Stage Foley]

No permit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just would just do it. But that was the funny. Like me and my friends would go do it with the fact that there was no parental oversight, but, you know, they ended up sucking or whatever or, you know, you figure it out. But I would look at the kid. You know, you look at one you see in a movie and you're like, that would be so sick to have. Where is the imagination? Is it in the building or is it once you have something really cool, you can then do really cool shit with it?

[Stage Foley]

Well, how much is this fucking company? Probably expensive as shit with that redwood or whatever it is that they do. Like those. Like those rich kid swing sets that have the. The yellow and red and blue top. I'm sure you had one. Yeah, yeah, that's probably that shit. You got some dickhead coming and doing it. Yeah, do it yourself. We'll do it ourselves. I'll come down and help you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I want one.

[Stage Foley]

It'll be fun, huh? All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Listen. Yeah. You have to. You have to understand I'm not letting you build anything above ground that my son's gonna climb in.

[Stage Foley]

Well, I was gonna bring some Playboys, but fine. You guys, hey, that's cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Give a five year old no.

[Stage Foley]

Wait till he's like 13, 14.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think he's gonna need Playboys in 14 years?

[Stage Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gonna just go tits. They're gonna come.

[Stage Foley]

Maybe he's into the old Throwback Thursday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Play it analog, baby. What I'm curious is. I'm curious to. I don't know, I was just like, do I give him the. Give him the life I had or do I give him the cool life I didn't have?

[Stage Foley]

You know, John Adams said,

[Kevin Ryan]

please do

[Stage Foley]

you know or not the Was that. Sit there and stare at me. Obviously you don't. Illiterate moron as you are. John Adams said, I study war.

[Kevin Ryan]

Another sizzly, please.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I was Sam Adams. John Adams said, I study war and politics so my children can study poetry and music. That makes sense. Sure. That's what? Wooden teeth. But the. That kind of.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's also dripping with chlamydia.

[Stage Foley]

Hey, where. Man, they all had it back then. Freaks.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's where Merkins came From mercury.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. Yeah, that's right.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know why they're called merkin? Huh? What? Apparently not.

[Stage Foley]

Merck and my dick looks small.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jamark and me crazy

[Stage Foley]

now. Why'd they call it a merkin? I told you this. The broaded sky blue jack shack. Whatever you were doing one of the guys in the waiting room.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the waiting room. We're all just waiting for the same. I got one of those tiny little beers.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, style of beers are all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tlbs.

[Stage Foley]

I was at a compromising position years ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

And a couple weeks ago, from what

[Stage Foley]

I understand, no

[Kevin Ryan]

merkin. You can fact check me on this, but it's because to cure it, they would give you a shot of mercury to make all your pubes fall out. So they'd give you a fake. They'd give you a fake to pay for your pubes. So people did. These broads didn't know you were tainted goods.

[Stage Foley]

You'd have been ahead of your time, though, if you were smooth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but. No, but you were only smooth if you. You got. If you had the drip.

[Stage Foley]

Well, how do you know you didn't shave it up? That was the treatment.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shaving it up back then. There was no Mach 3 guy. What do you. You have to. What do you got? Is that true?

[Luke]

Yeah. So they would use mercury treatments for syphilis and that would make all your hair go. But then there's also. They would call whores or loose women back in the day. Malkins. And so you'd use a merkin? Kind of like, I guess, merkin and the malkin.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, like the Capulets and the Montagues.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[Stage Foley]

Nothing. Wait a minute. Did mercury work?

[Luke]

Yeah, that was one of the.

[Stage Foley]

What, that worked?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

For syphilis.

[Stage Foley]

Damn. A shot of mercury, like them, that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you looking at me for? Like, I'm almost like a pharmacist over here, man.

[Stage Foley]

Would you have to put it in a vein? That's like.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they did like a shot of it. Like a pickle bag.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I don't know. I would probably burn your. Ruin your taste buds for doing shooters.

[Stage Foley]

What?

[Luke]

And the women would use them or merkins.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, okay, good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because I like a nice push.

[Stage Foley]

That's crazy. That's what I'm talking about. What? That's crazy. Let that ride. Is that. How did that not catch on back then? That to that you're like. What the fuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

See?

[Stage Foley]

What the hell you doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Back to the page. Back to the Patreon. Questions. This one's From Bug Man. 14.50 north of the board border, homie.

[Stage Foley]

Thank you, sir.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you garbage if you fake an injury at work hoping to get sent home early, but it doesn't work, so you have to spend the rest of the shift faking an injury that you don't have been there.

[Stage Foley]

Done. That sucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great, dude. That's really good. I remember doing it with pink eye a couple of times. You like rub your eye real bad and then what it would like. I got pink eye.

[Stage Foley]

That's really good.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you're working with food. They yeah, but then she was like, all right, Dottie. I'll never forget. She goes, all right, well you're on cart, dude. Then I just banished me to the parking lot freezing my dickle. Yeah, we were short handed.

[Stage Foley]

I would have came back with both. I got him both now.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have got came back with no pubes. I got syphilis.

[Stage Foley]

You got American on your

[Kevin Ryan]

man.

[Stage Foley]

I would have fucking got had somebody else do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do what?

[Stage Foley]

Be like, hey, I'd wait like two hours. Then I'd go to Luke and be like, hey man, you want to get the fuck out of here? Rub your eye so it looks like

[Kevin Ryan]

we both have pink eyes.

[Stage Foley]

No, like I just gave it to Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, you're not lying to me.

[Stage Foley]

Of course you have to fill the questions of why were you eating Luke's ass?

[Kevin Ryan]

But no, but isn't it highly contagious? That was always the thing, right?

[Stage Foley]

Yes. Which is why you shouldn't put pillows between your legs. But I do sometimes. Naked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but I don't think a scientist once told me that you can't give yourself pink guy.

[Stage Foley]

Who the. Do you know that's a science.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was a former comedian in Philadelphia and my roommate or your roommate at one point, that one's roommate.

[Luke]

You can in fact give yourself pink eye.

[Kevin Ryan]

The more you know.

[Luke]

Well, I want to spread misinformation out there.

[Stage Foley]

I can't believe I haven't given myself it every day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. You are a poopy kind of guy.

[Stage Foley]

Gross.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think it's every time though, is it? It's probably like a certain bacteria in it with it, you know.

[Luke]

I'm surprised you don't spread it. You like touching?

[Stage Foley]

I should touch a lot of stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I should be one huge pink eye.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

As much time as I spend. This is The Bugman Brigade. 50.

[Stage Foley]

Talk to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

50 liar. Here.

[Stage Foley]

Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never had one red. Is it garbage to judge how fancy a Restaurant is based on the type of carryout container they give you. If it goes Styrofoam tin container with the plastic lid than cardboard.

[Stage Foley]

Okay, hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it says Styrofoam.

[Stage Foley]

Styrofoam being the trashiest. Yes, disagree. Trashiest is the silver thing that you have to be the takeout guy and squeeze down. Whoa, you're crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got it. I think Styrofoam is the trashiest thing any sort of food container. And I think that's been documented since the 90s.

[Stage Foley]

No, you're wrong and I'll tell you why.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why am I wrong?

[Stage Foley]

I don't know who it was, if it was big plastic or whoever got a hold of Styrofoam, but they got locked in the crosshairs and got fucked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, the environmentalist did it.

[Stage Foley]

Whatever. It's all bad. Styrofoam is the fucking enemy. Go to fucking Sonic, go to Chick Fil A, get one of those Styrofoam cups. That's clean living. When you get a soda in one of those, the Styrofoam to Go container with it with the three compartments is all right. That's the shitty thin silver one where you put that top and you have to, you know, squeeze it around. That's trash. I know that. Cuz I did a lot of takeout. You don't want to take out so much.

[Kevin Ryan]

My fingers would.

[Stage Foley]

Exactly. Ever see a guy does it all the time. Fuck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would argue that they probably.

[Stage Foley]

And then the classiest is the plastic with the. With the black with the. With the. With the clear lid.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's saying cardboard too.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, I know. The cardboard you're talking about. That's very. That's fancy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Well, that is the fanciest. Yeah, I think the black with the silver or black with the clear lid. Second that to me, that's the classiest thing I've ever. That's tougher.

[Stage Foley]

Well, here's a. Yeah, he's going to say you can't take the cardboard home and reuse it. I had a fucking bowl of cereal out of fucking one of those things not that long ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I wouldn't claim that's classy.

[Stage Foley]

I'm not saying it's classy. It's reusable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. But the cardboard I think is. I think that cardboard is better for the environment, if I had to guess. Not that this is what we're judging it on.

[Stage Foley]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I would go.

[Stage Foley]

That's probably why you a bitch like

[Kevin Ryan]

a green thumb over here.

[Stage Foley]

I think that the tinfoil duck is probably the classiest.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I didn't have that. Happened twice in 88.

[Stage Foley]

It's only, I think only when you get lobster thermidors, something like that, which I don't even know what that is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lobster Mercador, you say? Perkindor Mercador. Well, what are we basing this on? What is the criteria?

[Stage Foley]

What's classiest?

[Luke]

Styrofoam has to be the trashiest. I'm so. I'm with you on like. But it just is.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean it probably leaks into the fucking. The chemicals leak into the food somehow.

[Stage Foley]

Get out of here. That oats all leaking. Stop with this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think the metal is.

[Stage Foley]

That's true.

[Kevin Ryan]

It probably retains the heat better. You've seen that fucking. Sometimes you put something hot in Styrofoam, it fucking ball bubbles.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, you put wings in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You're fucked eating that shit. I mean, I'm not against it, but I'm just saying I don't want my thing melting.

[Stage Foley]

I've definitely done that. I've definitely eaten some Styrofoam, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember I would go to Wings to go up in Village Shires, a place I later then worked.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, man, that's a tough look. How long were you a customer there before you got the job?

[Kevin Ryan]

Years. You didn't know that?

[Stage Foley]

Years, dude, no way did you know the dude that worked there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. If you didn't know you like those

[Stage Foley]

wings so much,

[Kevin Ryan]

I wasn't. I know. I love. That was my first introduction to popcorn chicken. Good night. Yes. Hiring.

[Stage Foley]

Wait, how long did you go there?

[Kevin Ryan]

So good you'll answer an application.

[Stage Foley]

That's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chicken so good you'll answer an application.

[Stage Foley]

Chicken so good you want to work here?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great.

[Stage Foley]

Wait, how long did you go there? From when to when did you work at a Wings to Go?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? I told you. The guy asked me if I had jock itch that's pulling on my. I was pulling on my sack.

[Stage Foley]

And my merkin's itching to readjust.

[Kevin Ryan]

My merkin guy falls out of your shorts. She knows what I'm talking about.

[Stage Foley]

Mary Mercury over here got me with

[Kevin Ryan]

a hot dose wearing basketball shorts. I was wearing N1 basketball shorts and a Wings to Go shirt already stained in sauce. I was killing it, but God damn

[Stage Foley]

sure keeps coming up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I they would serve you the. They would deep fry the. The chicken, the popcorn chicken and let it dry and dump it right on the plate. Styrofoam plate.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we Would eat it there and it would bubble up.

[Stage Foley]

It would burn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That was in you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

That's good. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

My pubes.

[Stage Foley]

I guess you're right. Yeah. The cardboard's the classy. Is the one that kind of looks like Chinese food containers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think I've ever had that. If I'm being honest with. I've only ever seen it at Whole Foods at the hot bar when I go there. But that's got like a wax covering, which is also very nice.

[Stage Foley]

I believe Dialog Cafe does it out in LA where we get you. Where you guys get your burritos, maybe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha. Fair enough.

[Stage Foley]

Something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hmm. All right, let's see here. We got. This one's just crazy. This is from all the toast ten of our pithead. Is it garbage to use the orange Home Depot buckets as your bathroom trash can? I'd give it to you like, if you have like a. A basement one that's like. It can't be a finished bathroom. You know what I mean? If you got one in the garage. Something more shoppy. I totally get that.

[Stage Foley]

I think if you're like, I kind of like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't dislike the handle. Easy to dump.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm totally for it. But I think it's not trashy if it's in a place like that. It's trashy if it's in your fucking bath.

[Stage Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Useful. Sure.

[Stage Foley]

I always.

[Kevin Ryan]

Am I on board? Yes.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah. I always love those things. Clean bucket like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. One of my favorites is, like in any shop, like just like a big 55 gallon plastic drum or whatever that you just like. Everything goes in there. Sure. I don't know who empties it or where it goes, but you just like it. Cans, boxes, anything.

[Stage Foley]

I used to. I used to always, like, sitting on them too. What, like sitting on a big bucket like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

Good spot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Used to work with a guy kept all his tools in a bucket. He carried that thing around. Yeah, I know, but it was too.

[Stage Foley]

You put a thing in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, he did.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, he didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was just. He'd be like, hand me my, you know, box and open end, 9, 16. Oh, my God, Pete. How the am I supposed to find this?

[Stage Foley]

Like, dumping Legos, digging around looking for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

And he just thought I was brutal. Jesus. He was older too, so I had to carry like £50.

[Stage Foley]

Oh, man, that's brutal. I used to like it with. With the little sheet or the little, like, organizer around it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

I mean, that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Stage Foley]

All the inside too. Yeah, it was good.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's great. This is from Trash Bandicoot. Ten dollar homie. Never had one Red. Is it garbage to see how long you can go without touching the steering wheel when driving? Bonus points if you put your turn signal on when you start to drift into another lane.

[Stage Foley]

That was always my dad's test to see how the alignment was on the car. Look at that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at it.

[Stage Foley]

Touch the wheel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like they touch it a little bit and lie. I just don't hit a pothole like they like. Yeah, he's big.

[Stage Foley]

That was. If you took a car off for a test drive is what you do, man. I had a couple of cars fucking like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that.

[Stage Foley]

It's like being in a helicopter, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. My one loom. You had to hold it and you're in a constant state of chaos. You had a fucking work area.

[Stage Foley]

Great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a great question.

[Stage Foley]

Home runs today. Home runs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, then this again. This is. We got time for one more here. This one's from Roy E. Munson. You've ever had a pair of headphones where they both work only if the wires are in a specific position?

[Stage Foley]

For sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, that was big with chargers.

[Stage Foley]

Pinch it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that was real big with chargers.

[Stage Foley]

Never. Then you've done like one day you found the slit where it was. Fuck. That's where it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

The big. The headphones. Before Apple came out with headphones, I would always have to buy like $12 headphones. Like Skull candy or ear. Whatever they were. You'd buy $12 ones at Duane Reade and they would always go at the jack because you would have it in your pocket or whatever. You'd sit on it, bend it. Dude.

[Stage Foley]

And I'm in that cycle right now. I'm in a constant state of. I get them from the deli or I just got something from the airport. Why? I'm just gonna fuck em up. I'm gonna lose them or step on them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but get the Apple ones. The wired ones. Yeah, yeah, dude. They're like. They're like literally $18.

[Stage Foley]

What do you get them in Apple?

[Kevin Ryan]

You can get them an app and get them on Amazon. I have three pairs in here because I lose them so much. So much that's good that they're just better. That's all I'm saying. I mean, doesn't.

[Stage Foley]

I got you.

[Luke]

They just.

[Kevin Ryan]

They just hold up more.

[Stage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

They don't get all twisted and shit.

[Luke]

So much better.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a superior product. And it ain't that much because they're trying to push you to. The fucking AirPods are like 250 a clip. I've been losing them left and fucking right.

[Stage Foley]

I'm getting your brain.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but then something came.

[Stage Foley]

That's my problem. This summer, I wear my AirPods too much. Screwed me up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Defragged his brain. Cleaned out all the cookies. All right, we got to wrap it up.

[Stage Foley]

Gang. Gang, we love you to death. Grab some merch over on. Are you garbage comm? We got a sale going on with the old stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we're clearing out some shelf space. Plus we got all the new designs that we dropped. And then also for Pennsylvania dirt bags, we're gonna be @SoulJols. Very limited tickets remaining, if there still is any. Get them. Scoop them up while they're. Friday, April 17th, we're doing two shows, and we'll see you there.

[Stage Foley]

Yeah, may. We'll be in Los Angeles, California, for the Netflix as a joke festival. There's still some tickets for that show. Make sure you get it. It's a smaller theater. Come out and see us. Chicago. Chicago, come see us.

[Kevin Ryan]

We love you.

[Stage Foley]

See you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.