Baller Moves w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Baller Moves: A Deep Dive into Hilarity and Everyday "Garbage"

In the "Baller Moves" episode of the Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley deliver their trademark blend of sharp humor, personal anecdotes, and playful banter. Released on May 22, 2025, the episode navigates through a variety of topics, from childhood memories to modern-day quirks, all while keeping listeners entertained with their trashy comedy game show vibe.

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Live Tour Announcements

The episode kicks off with Kevin and H. Foley enthusiastically promoting their upcoming "Back on the Block" tour. They outline their tour schedule, covering major cities like San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, and Toronto. Their excitement is contagious as they invite listeners to join them live:

• Kevin Ryan [00:07]: "The boys are coming home. Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. Get your [e-mail] Love you. See you there."

Podcast Introduction and Premise

After the initial tour hype, the hosts formally welcome listeners to another edition of Are You Garbage? They explain the podcast's premise—determining if guests are "classy individuals or absolute trash"—setting the stage for the comedic interactions to follow.

• H. Foley [00:26]: "Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash."

Bungee Cords and Shark Tales

The conversation shifts to humorous and exaggerated stories about bungee cords and sharks. H. Foley shares his family's fear of bungee cords, leading to wild tales about potential mishaps.

• H. Foley [05:10]: "I've had this thing snap back so hard, it could rip you in half."
• Kevin Ryan [06:07]: "Can sharks be 50ft? Yes."

The banter reaches a peak when they debate the plausibility of encountering a 50-foot great white shark, highlighting their spontaneous comedic chemistry.

App-Integrated Comedy: Hall of Fame Bets and Upside Cash

Transitioning to modern quirks, the hosts introduce the Hall of Fame (HOF) app for sports betting and the Upside app for cash back on daily essentials. They seamlessly weave these promotions into their conversation, emphasizing practicality with humor.

• H. Foley [18:08]: "HOF makes parlay research smarter, faster, and data-driven. And that's what you need."
• Kevin Ryan [19:38]: "Upside users are earning hundreds of dollars a year. That's probably why they have a 4.8-star rating on the app store."

Movie Musings: 'Eat Pray Love' and Friends

A significant segment is dedicated to movie discussions, particularly focusing on Julia Roberts' "Eat Pray Love." H. Foley expresses his comedic disappointment with the film's plot, while Kevin interjects with witty observations.

• H. Foley [21:06]: "She broke up with her husband and goes off and starts banging James Franco."
• Kevin Ryan [21:31]: "My big fat Greek mother watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding and like. And I."

Their playful critique extends to other films like "Vicky Cristina Barcelona" and "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," blending personal reflections with humor.

Frogs, Crabs, and Childhood Memories

Delving into personal stories, Kevin and H. Foley share nostalgic memories about frogs and crabs from their childhoods. These anecdotes are laced with humor and genuine sentiment, offering listeners a glimpse into their backgrounds.

• Kevin Ryan [32:31]: "I'm kind of a frog guy too."
• H. Foley [50:02]: "Man, you got a lot of balls. Who the fuck tells their parents they want crabs?"

A standout moment is Kevin's heartfelt yet comedic story about bonding with his stepdad over crabs, highlighting the show's ability to blend humor with personal storytelling.

School Days and Family Dynamics

The hosts reminisce about their school experiences and family dynamics, particularly focusing on Kevin's reluctance to attend Mercersburg Academy. Their conversation touches on themes of choice, family expectations, and personal growth, all delivered with their characteristic humor.

• Kevin Ryan [45:35]: "They did a good job of, you know."
• H. Foley [54:18]: "Tart doing."

Quickfire Jokes and Banter

Throughout the episode, Kevin and H. Foley maintain a rapid-fire pace of jokes and witty remarks. From discussing heating systems in old Bravadas to critiquing stepdads, their interactions are filled with laughter-inducing lines.

• H. Foley [54:18]: "Tart doing."
• Kevin Ryan [56:05]: "You are right about the frog."

Conclusion

While interspersed with promotional segments, the core of Baller Moves revolves around the hosts' ability to find humor in everyday situations and personal stories. Their camaraderie and quick wit make the episode engaging and entertaining, embodying the essence of the Are You Garbage? podcast.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• H. Foley [05:10]: "I've had this thing snap back so hard, it could rip you in half."
• Kevin Ryan [06:07]: "Can sharks be 50ft? Yes."
• H. Foley [18:08]: "HOF makes parlay research smarter, faster, and data-driven. And that's what you need."
• Kevin Ryan [19:38]: "Upside users are earning hundreds of dollars a year. That's probably why they have a 4.8-star rating on the app store."
• H. Foley [21:06]: "She broke up with her husband and goes off and starts banging James Franco."
• Kevin Ryan [32:31]: "I'm kind of a frog guy too."
• H. Foley [54:18]: "Tart doing."
• Kevin Ryan [56:05]: "You are right about the frog."

Final Thoughts

Baller Moves exemplifies what fans love about Are You Garbage?—a mix of relatable humor, candid personal stories, and the dynamic interplay between hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Whether they're dissecting everyday habits or sharing funny childhood tales, the episode delivers laughs while maintaining its core theme of identifying the "garbage" in everyone.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Live shows. Live shows. Live shows, baby. The boys are about to hit the road for that back on the block tour. So grab the squad and come on out and see us.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. We're starting in San Francisco, then Portland, Seattle, Brea, California. Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts. Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. The boys are coming home. Rochester, New York, and Toronto, Canada. Get your [e-mail] Love you. See you there.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

Amen, sister.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy, just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, Sage Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We are out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's out in the front yard playing a little freeze tag. Got a hot game of Simon says coming up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big man's on the board.

[H. Foley]

Makaos is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and he is also the king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for kj Kevin, James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks as always. Thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available on Spotify, which I gotta be honest with you, that numbers are running away on Spotify on the charts over there. Amen. And look out as. As well as the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content. Then last but not least, what's that Back on the block tour. The boys are hitting the road in the fall and the winter. Get your tickets now. Low ticket alerts. And some of the places we're not adding second shows, so get them tickies.

[H. Foley]

A lot of big shows. You got the back at the Wilbur. Wilbur met in Philadelphia, huh? Comedy zone in Charlotte.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a big club. It's a goddamn kill box. That's a great room. Yeah, we got a lot of favorites coming back to some of our favorite cities. Some new cities got Toronto. You got some bigger theaters. You got some fun small Clubs, they're a little menagerie.

[H. Foley]

Nice little run out there on the coast. We haven't had one of them in about two years, right? Or a year and a half, something like that. On the coast for like an extended period of time. Gonna need a nice Airbnb. We get out there, money bags. All right, I want a pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jacuzzi. No, that's what we do. I get, I, I a little hard feelings. That's go check out the Patreon. But I, I get us very nice accommodations when we're out there. We, we work hard. We deserve to reap the fruits of our labor. And by the way, I'm bad with money, so I'll get a real nice place.

[H. Foley]

Get that same joint we had last time, the pool, the hot tub.

[Kevin Ryan]

You find out how much it is and you bitch all fucking weekend. You throw it in his face. You throw it in my face. Diesel's how motherfucker. These kids are staying at this house or this much money, you turn into my father real quick.

[H. Foley]

Couple of broads out there too, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple of dime pieces.

[H. Foley]

Alarm candy ain't got damn out in Hollywood.

[Kevin Ryan]

We do need a convertible.

[H. Foley]

Show it off a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

We need a convertible too. Me and you, front seat. I'll be driving. You'll be in the pantry. Get two broads in the back. Or at least put a wig on Luke. A little flat chested little, but I like him. He got a tight little body.

[H. Foley]

Picked her up in the Valley, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking valley trash. I'm talking Beverly Hills.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's cut the bullshit here. What do you got for me? You drag me down here for, you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Make it seem like.

[H. Foley]

Pitch me your ideas so I can say no.

[Kevin Ryan]

The hell do I got? I was driving down the east side, east side highway over there. Fdr.

[H. Foley]

New York City.

[Kevin Ryan]

New York City, New York, Manhattan. Ever heard of it? Not out there in Queens with the, with the heathens.

[H. Foley]

See it from my subway platform if.

[Kevin Ryan]

I squint hard, that's where the rich guys live.

[H. Foley]

Kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was driving down to fdr, which is on the east side, and there was, I'd seen some. Listen, I have seen a lot of jammed up mo Fos. I've seen a lot of people moving in vehicles they shouldn't be moving in this and that. I've had to strap down a lot of stuff on a pickup truck to get to a job site that I shouldn't have been doing above my pay grade. Not compliant with, you know, Department of Transportation laws and legalities.

[H. Foley]

You know what Always frightened the Foley family.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Bungee cords.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh man.

[H. Foley]

One of those things snap back.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was a surgeon with bungee cords.

[H. Foley]

They might as well be an aircraft carrier cable. I think it rippy in half.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know get.

[H. Foley]

And my dad had like 10 of the worst ones ever. Those hooks, they'd start to bend like that. That thing catching the groin.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did. I got it one time in the circumcised.

[H. Foley]

Twice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got it one time in the lip. I remember, man, it was a freezing ass morning. I was. I was wrapping copper pipe around.

[H. Foley]

I'm always scared of that. Ever since I saw a documentary about ships where the. The line snapped.

[Kevin Ryan]

They rip you in half. Oh yeah.

[H. Foley]

I ain't getting me like that. That take your leg out. No, thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just roll over into the water. Let these sharks have at you.

[H. Foley]

You see that the other day the. That shark, that guy. Great white shark, 50 foot great white shark. Got bit in half by something. Yeah, Got bit right clean in half.

[Kevin Ryan]

What, you read that in Deep Blue Quarterly? I'm an ocean man, but I was driving down as me and my wife end up. Listen, this guy was moving. Okay, first of all, Luke, just because you lie so much.

[H. Foley]

Luke just went.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can sharks be 50ft? Yes. First of all. You do, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Sharks can be 50ft. It was a 50 foot shark.

[C]

The extinct megalith don can be 50ft.

[H. Foley]

Maybe it's 25.

[Kevin Ryan]

It might have been. It was dark out. Might have been a minnow. I'm not sure.

[H. Foley]

He was coming out of a 7 11. I'm just going by what the. What the height measurement said. Did you find this? Did you find it? But I thought you were looking to fact check me.

[Kevin Ryan]

You first of all, the one fact you gave was a 50 foot shark. And he said that didn't exist.

[H. Foley]

Fucking snoops over there, whatever it's called.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've been on that a lot Nukes. I have. Okay.

[H. Foley]

They got me with something last night. I was like, that can't be true. I would have snoops. True.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. So this guy was moving and this was a pretty bad. Just roll the clip. We're showing the picture. This guy's got neckties. Tying. Tying.

[H. Foley]

What the is my looking at?

[Kevin Ryan]

This is the tie. He's got his mattress on top of a sedan, right? So the white parts the mattress.

[H. Foley]

Where's the sedan?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's under. You can't see it. That's at the very bottom.

[H. Foley]

Like the blue box spring underneath that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

What's. What's the green thing underneath the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I Think that's just the bottom of the mattress. That's like. So there's some. There's a mattress. Then he's got a combination of bungee cords and neckties. Like, he's in jail. Like, he's escaping from. You know, He's. He got caught cheating on somebody. And he got.

[H. Foley]

Holy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy shit. And then he's got furniture, I think. I don't know what that is. Luke might be able to determine what that is. He's got some sort of fur. Dude. This was due. Dude. We were doing 50 flying down the FDR.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just. And it's eyes. I've never seen that long one.

[H. Foley]

Ties long as shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's got to be. I can see one, two, three, four. I can see five or six different. Seven, maybe seven different necklaces.

[H. Foley]

He just ruined those ties, too. I can't throw those things on.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's also, like, why don't you have your nuts? You just get some rope or something, man.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild, right?

[H. Foley]

Holy shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is a. That is a wooden structure, and it's broken.

[H. Foley]

It's got that one red one, though. That's nice. I think I had that tie.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a Perry Ellis.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Perry Ellis and a Van Heusen. Close it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember my dad had a Pierre Cardin. And I was. Dude, I was telling my boys about this. Like, yo, my dad. I think my dad's been to Paris before. A Pierre Corden.

[H. Foley]

It's all right. Damn. That is a tough look.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's bad, dude. That's, like. You know. But, yeah, you know, you respect it. He's getting to this. Car was packed with shit. I mean, like, dude, the wind. Everything was. Was jammed up.

[H. Foley]

Hope the divorce is going well. Got a new life ahead of you, my friend. You got five ties, you got a bed. You're not doing that bad. You can make it work.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got some broken wood. Everything's coming up. This guy.

[H. Foley]

That's a weird, like, air conditioner on top.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I. My. I assume that's probably just maybe weighing the mattress down. I think that's more functional than property. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

It looks like a cornhole thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's got a bad paint job on it. It's got some green paint. Yeah. Either way. I mean. But he didn't put a match. A protector on the mattress, which I will give him.

[H. Foley]

Now, if I was. If I was the CIA, all right, if I was working for the company and I was transporting alien technology, that's how I would do it. No one's gonna look for that. You know what I mean? Forget about one of those huge fucking NASA trucks. Just throw it on a fucking Hyundai, stick it in the mattress, Right?

[C]

I like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, sure, yeah, I'd have to. I think I'd go with a cargo container or something.

[H. Foley]

They could spitball other ideas.

[Kevin Ryan]

But we got a gosh darn family episode on our hand, gang, as you know, when you join the old Patreon over there, we will answer your garbage question on the air. Shout out to all the homies over there, about 14,000 strong on the gosh darn Patreon. Love to see it low key bubbling over there. We're one of the top 10 comedy pods over there on Patreon. And listen, it's a good time. If you join now, you get the last four years. So it's like two episodes a week. At the $10 level, that comes out to one. What's that? 104 episodes a year. So it's like four. Over 400 episodes on air.

[H. Foley]

Where'd you get that? Oh, remote.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what are you doing?

[H. Foley]

I thought he had a fob or something.

[C]

Open your garage door.

[H. Foley]

Turn my butt plug on.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is, this is from the Foley erect. $10, homie.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it garbage to swipe your credit card before the cashier is done ringing your shit up? It feels classy and trashy at the same time, which I get that so succinctly.

[H. Foley]

I don't understand. So when they're gonna go through.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, some, some of them do. When they're ringing it up, you can swipe your card and then like they have to do the process. Oh, so you can jump the gun. It does seem like a little.

[H. Foley]

It'll still keep adding up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Wow. Yeah, that is a baller move.

[Kevin Ryan]

So to me, I'll do it sometimes and I feel cool, like I don't care how much this is, you know what I mean? Meanwhile, I'm at like, I'm buying like Diet Coke or something. It's like, it's like seven bucks. But I feel. You feel like. Oh yeah. I don't even know.

[H. Foley]

I use my debit card at the grocery store the other day and I had to put my PIN in. I didn't like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I don't like that either.

[H. Foley]

Looking over my shoulder.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Plus I got the eye in the sky in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh yeah.

[H. Foley]

Fucking get you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. There's, there's one. There's a grocery store. I go to when I'm in the burbs. This guy is. They're all a little like. I hate when they over explain it to you. Like you don't know how the machine know. It's kind of like going through TSA security. They're like. And some are different or whatever. You gotta hold it till you hear the long beat. You're like, I know, man. It fucking. I thought it'd be whatever it was, you know, I like, give you. They. They do. The one guy, like, grabbed my card. I was like, I'll fucking slap this shit out of you in this. Super fresh right now.

[H. Foley]

I was so against that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

What stuff?

[H. Foley]

The tapping. I thought something didn't trust it, didn't like it. It's the best. You're at the door.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Very, very futuristic. You're gone.

[Kevin Ryan]

I kind of looked down for a long time on Apple Pay too, as like using it at a. At a point of sale, like at a grocery store. Mm. Because I thought that was for more, like online. I was like. To me, in my naive brain, it was more like a Venmo. Like, oh, I can buy something with Apple Pay. I remember seeing people. This is not that long. Two years ago, being like this. What are you, Steve Jobs, motherfucker? Get your credit card out like the rest of us.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Neuralink. Hurry it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. It's like, dude, what the fuck?

[H. Foley]

I gotta write a check here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Will anybody know what the date is?

[H. Foley]

Who's got a pen?

[Kevin Ryan]

I just got my mechanical pencil.

[H. Foley]

Do you have a pen on you right now?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm afraid it's gonna puncture my scrotum. Do you?

[H. Foley]

Nah. What gets my pockets?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

It'll get my pockets.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Get your pockets.

[H. Foley]

It'll leak in my pockets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

It happened to me in high school one time.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I've never. I've never written another word.

[H. Foley]

I had a nice crisp white shirt on, and I had a pen in my pocket.

[Kevin Ryan]

It leaked all over you in the lab. My laboratory. What, a high schooler carries pens in his time?

[H. Foley]

I kind of pen there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like you're managing a fucking supermarket. You got your sleeves rolled up, you're doing an end cap, you're restocking the tasty Cakes.

[H. Foley]

Waiting on the enemy's guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got it in your ear. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Look like a squid got me. Which I assume that you don't touch that squid. Squiding pasta.

[Kevin Ryan]

I have had it. I mean, black pasta.

[H. Foley]

What am I.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are we, in hell? That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

Hey, it's just a licorice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What is this? Sambuca flavored? No way.

[H. Foley]

What are we in the house?

[Kevin Ryan]

Devil fettuccine. No, thank you. We had it one time. I had it once years ago.

[H. Foley]

I remember my mom trying to push that tricolor pasta on us. Holy shit. We almost moved and didn't tell her.

[Kevin Ryan]

We went to. We were in South Philly. This is like probably right after college, before comedy. I remember being so broke. It was. My friends were like, you know, had jobs.

[H. Foley]

Dude, you see squiding pasta, you need forms of payment.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't know what it was. It came out. I'll never forget it. I'll never forget it. I went, what the hell is even that? And they're like, yeah, it's dyed black. I said, we are not splitting this bill anymore. I had, I had the raviolis and that's all I'm paying for cuz I think they ordered a bunch.

[H. Foley]

He, dude, you eat that. Forget you ate it. Yikes. Scare you. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Staying in the Italian cuisine. This is from all the toast My mother in law calls Parmesan cheese. Parm and John Cheese.

[H. Foley]

Parmesan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Parm and John Cheese.

[H. Foley]

That'd be a good, good restaurant.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a real hillbilly over there.

[H. Foley]

Parm and John Parm and John cheese. Which I got. I got a fucking issue. You know, I saw last night, I saw that Eat Pray Love. You know what I'm talking about? Julia Roberts vehicle, that movie. I thought she liked that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Time machine to 2012. What? What? Just come out.

[H. Foley]

I never saw it. And I thought she broke up with him.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is H. Foley's old movie corner.

[H. Foley]

She broke up with her.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never seen it.

[H. Foley]

You never saw it? Luke, you've seen it.

[C]

No.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[C]

2010.

[Kevin Ryan]

2010. You're dropping movies?

[H. Foley]

I just saw it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I get how, I get how it works.

[H. Foley]

I just saw it. I fucking did not. I started to like it. But in the beginning she just divorces her husband and goes off and starts fucking banging James Franco down in the Village. And then she goes over to Italy. She's over there for like two weeks. She learns fucking Italian in two weeks she's running around over there and then she goes to fucking India or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was the. Say that, that. That movie and the Brigade. The Brigade of Traveling Pants was the same. That was the same movie. There's a bunch of broads and Died of Waterloo.

[H. Foley]

A bunch of Sisterhood of the Trip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever. A bunch of you. A bunch of. A bunch of scallywags Running through, running through. You're all getting the train ran on them or something. I had no idea what they were.

[H. Foley]

No, the.

[Kevin Ryan]

They shared a pair of pants or something. That. And I gotta be honest, Mama Mia. Were that. They were all. They were all.

[H. Foley]

Get the.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were all the same thing.

[H. Foley]

My dad, the. Mama Mia. Listen, ABBA got a lot of hits. Ok? What's that song? Sos. Great fucking song. My dad got hooked on Mamma Mia. I think he went and saw it on Broadway or saw a production down in Philly, something. They loved it. Yeah, I didn't like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That. In My Big Fat Greek, I remember Denise, Denise and Joe, My big fat Greek mother watching My Big Fat Greek Wedding and like. And I. Dude, if there was that took over the world, oh, man, she killed it. I remember my boy Pat was like, dude, he was telling. He was explaining the Windex bit to me. I'm like, dude, I don't care. This is broad shit. All right.

[H. Foley]

Terminator 2.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm like, what, 14? Talking about my Big Fat Greek Wedding.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Let's talk about hall of Fame bets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ain't talking about no run of the mill bets. I'm talking about hall of Fame bets.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about hall of Fame bets. Let's look at it this way. You ready? Here's the turkey. You got your par leg going, you're one leg away. Then the relief pitcher gives up a walk. Walk off. Home run bomb, 450 footer. Next thing you know, you're all jammed up. The HOF app is built to fix that. Started by two lifelong sports fans who also happen to be Ivy League grads.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple of brainiacs.

[H. Foley]

That's what I'm talking about. HOF makes parlay research smarter, faster and data driven. And that's what you need. You need concrete info.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. And the best part is, once you've built your parlay, you can send it straight through to your sportsbook app with one clip. No manual entry, no wasted time at all. Seamless, baby. That's what these brainiacs are doing. They're making it easy. The hall of Fame app syncs automatically. Automatically with the most major sports books like DraftKings and FanDuel. I was on DraftKings last night using. I was typing my. Was on HOF, got my parlay and I was at the bar or something on it. We're passing time. I said, you know, I get a little action, let's spice it up a bit. Sure. Hall of Fame isn't just parlays. It's built for player props, game lines, totals and more, giving you the tools you need to break down trends. Spot value to hold 9 yards for a limited time only, our listeners not only get a seven day free trial, but they also get 50% off their first month when they use the code garbage at checkout. Just download the hof app on iOS or Android, enter the code garbage and you're all set. Do it, Kev.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about upside, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little bit of cash back.

[H. Foley]

Talking about a little cash back from the good folks at Upside gang. The free upside app gets you cash back on daily essentials like gas, groceries and dining. To get started, download the free upside app, use our promo code AYG and get an extra 25 cents back for every gallon on your first tank of gas. Look at that. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Next.

[H. Foley]

Talk about a welcome mat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Next, you can claim your offer for whatever you're buying on Upside. Then pay as usual with a credit or debit card, follow the steps in the app and get paid.

[H. Foley]

Let's go.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got over a hundred thousand gas stations, grocery stores and restaurants on the Upside app. That's a lot of friggin places. Ensuring that the cash back is always just around the corner for you. You can earn your an average of 8% on restaurant and grocery purchases. And the way the big man eats, that's a lot of money. And the best part is you can't even. You can even stack your upside cash back on top of your credit and debit card rewards. Upside users are earning hundreds of dollars a year. That's probably why they have a 4.8 star rating on the app store. Check it out. That's proof is in a pudding. Download the free upside app and use promo code AYG to get an extra $0.25 back for every gallon on your first tank of gas. That's an extra $0.25 back for every gallon on your first tank of Gas using the promo code AYG. Obviously do it.

[H. Foley]

I like movies like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get it too. It was just a diamond. I was like what are we doing?

[H. Foley]

Eat Pray Love. Not my favorite Julia Roberts. Obviously it's, you know, you're more of.

[Kevin Ryan]

An eat, eat, eat kind of guy.

[H. Foley]

I'd like to in Pretty Woman. She's turning tricks on Sunset. That's my wheelhouse.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

But I always thought that she. Something happened to her and she went to like find herself. She just left her husband, went over to Italy and started putting on weight and getting nailed. I'm not there's anything Wrong with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, whatever. It's a movie, right? Where's the fictional program from 15 years ago?

[H. Foley]

What's his name is in it, though. The. The dad from stepbrothers, Richard Jenkins. Great. Yeah, she's great, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Come on, you're the one saying she wasn't. We're all.

[H. Foley]

I just said it. I. I wasn't expecting that review's not great. Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's a big hit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't realize she was such a big whore. Signed H. Foley. What the hell is this? Broads problems. You over there eating all the Billy Crudup?

[H. Foley]

She was married to Billy Crudup. You don't walk away from that tight piece of ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

That guy.

[H. Foley]

Oh, now you don't like Billy Crudup?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't have a problem with Billy Crudup.

[H. Foley]

Fucking better not. You ever see him do a British accent?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello.

[H. Foley]

Flawless.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't get the hubbub, but sure.

[C]

Hot guys in the movie.

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[C]

Hot guys in the movie.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[C]

Javier.

[H. Foley]

Ooh, Javier. And Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Fucking pulls a twofer right there at the table.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was that a lady or a movie? Dude, I like, blacked out on all that kind of shit.

[H. Foley]

You were in college and all that stuff was going on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, maybe. What year was Vicky. Was that a movie? Vicki Cristina Barcelona.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Hey, Eagle. Eagle Siskel. Whatever.

[C]

2008 film.

[Kevin Ryan]

2008. Oh, yeah, I was in that. I was in the throes of alcoholism. I was doing. Playing Edward Scissorhands with Hurricane 40s, watching.

[H. Foley]

Temple get beat by Rutgers. 400 or nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

They. They covered, though. Black spread was 450.

[H. Foley]

Blacked out on Filbert Street.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was a 17th in diamonds kind of guy.

[H. Foley]

All right, whatever. Maybe I'll start doing movie reviews.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we're.

[C]

All right, I'll help you.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, stop.

[H. Foley]

There. See that clip of Cisco and Ebert going at each other in the middle of a promo? Oh, man, those two did not like each other. It's like me and you in the green room. Why don't you stop being a fat loser?

[Kevin Ryan]

Play with your belly button. All right. This is from New Dad. Nick never had one. Red 10, $10. Florida. Fake. Classy. Which I gotta say, there's something about Florida. I was like, I know somebody who moved to Florida, and they weren't the person. They're not the person. They were here. Does that make sense?

[H. Foley]

Stop wearing shoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

But like, they're like, Tanner. They're like. They're. They're. They're. They're more of like this, like, not and they're not. It's fake cla. It's dirt bag. Fake classy. And I went. I kind of respect. You can just go down there and kind of start over.

[H. Foley]

I'm doing all shorts this summer too, by the way. All shorts. I don't know what the fuck I was doing. Why the fuck am I wearing pants?

[Kevin Ryan]

If we live in a society, there's laws against that kind of thing. I can't show that much.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna get. I'm gonna get nice shorts. I'm gonna go to dxl.

[Kevin Ryan]

I bet you you don't.

[H. Foley]

All right, I'm gonna nice shorts and I'm gonna find some type of slip on something. No Skechers or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no slip ons. We got to keep you in shoes.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I'm not wearing shoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's in the bylaws of the. Of the company. No, the bill.

[H. Foley]

They don't get those sketcher slip ons.

[C]

Birkenstocks.

[H. Foley]

No, I'm not wearing those things. You wear those things.

[C]

James Gandolfini worn them.

[H. Foley]

All right, maybe I'll get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cut that. All right, this is.

[H. Foley]

He wore Divas.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, different.

[H. Foley]

No, no, he did.

[C]

There's famous stories about. I tell you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, right. The Dom don't wear Birkenstocks. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you saying, New dad? Nick, you've ever waited for a hailstorm to buy a discounted new car? My notoriously cheap dad bought a new Subaru after a bad Texas hailstorm and got 50% off ticket price for the golf ball edition Outback. When asked about it, he said, it looks new on the inside. What do I care about the outside? That's true.

[H. Foley]

I wonder how that's true.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cheapskate. Shit, this thing is bad. Looks like it was parked on a driving range for a week.

[H. Foley]

Hail scares the shit out of me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I. We never really.

[H. Foley]

We've caught it down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, a little bit, but nothing where you're like, you know, taking cover as a kid. It's funny. You're like, ah, that Texas.

[H. Foley]

They get like softballs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

Kill you. These things hit you in the head. How the fuck does that for little balls up in the sky? Snow, I get.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, do you. You can wrap your head around snow, but not balls a little bit. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Rain, I understand. Snow, I get.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sleet.

[H. Foley]

Sure. But how does it form.

[C]

The water droplets kind of go back up, I guess they get pushed up and freeze higher up in the clouds and then come down.

[H. Foley]

How does that get them in the little they're like perfect balls.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're already. It's already water droplets, so it's already round.

[H. Foley]

Hmm. Water droplets aren't round. They're teardrop.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I don't know. I was trying to give you an. We. I was trying to give you an answer so we can move over. Breaking down. Fucking snowflake shapes and shit. First of all, every snowflake's unique in that. You can wrap your head around that, but you can't wrap your head around it.

[H. Foley]

I can wrap around my head around that. So I used to make them in third grade.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Snowflakes make them hail.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean? You fold the piece of paper and you cut them up. You didn't do that at Christmas.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did. I didn't know what you meant. Made the hand turkey, then a sandwich. Hand turkey soup, Open face, a little gravy on top.

[H. Foley]

I always thought it was weird when people did the meatloaf at Halloween where they made it look like a foot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I never got that. I mean, that much of a squid ink pasta. I ain't eating your foot, dude. No way.

[H. Foley]

With the onion toenails.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. Yeah, I mean, that's not.

[H. Foley]

I'm sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not my cup of tea.

[H. Foley]

I apologize, ladies and gentlemen.

[Kevin Ryan]

I apologize to you, ladies and gentlemen, the jury. I apologize. All right, let's see. This one's from tutti side piece. $10. Degenerate. Is it garbage to rinse your ice so you can switch drinks? For example, I will drink sweet tea, but rinse the ice a couple times and then fill it up with water.

[H. Foley]

Hmm.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you just get new ice.

[H. Foley]

I'm not. I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

You mix. I've never seen. I mean, you'll use a cereal bowl then to drink Coke out of. It's crazy.

[H. Foley]

No, if I. Okay, let's say I have an iced tea, all right? And I finished the iced tea. I have no problem pouring water in there and knocking that back.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm aware. Yeah. I think the most insane. That's not it. That's whatever the insane thing is. He's rinsing ice. I would just throw it out. I mean, like a true dirt bag. You eat the ice, chew it loudly on a plane, get some looks.

[H. Foley]

There is a Unless. Unless your cup is to the brim with ice. The different situation from fresh ice to one glass of whatever removed is insane.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, it's. It's like, it's. You shouldn't. It's like you're not the first Coke.

[H. Foley]

And the second Coke are completely different things.

[Kevin Ryan]

Always fresh ice. Always, always fresh ice.

[H. Foley]

You get a refill at a joint, they don't fucking hook it up with a little more ice. Fucking bullshit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to hate that when, like, you were at a party, global drinking, global warming. When you were at like a capstone melting pizza party or something, they had the pitchers of Coke and then like, there would start off with ice in it. And you'd get the skilled guy who could like, pour from the side. And you get the good ice in there.

[H. Foley]

Remember that?

[Kevin Ryan]

But then you go by. I'm a. You know, I'm a heavy boy. As a fat kid, I go for my refill and the ice would be melted and. Or distributed through all the youngsters. So you're just like, yeah, warm Pepsi with like one small ice cube floating in it.

[H. Foley]

The guy that could pour from the side. I always poured from the side when I was waiting tables. Always.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I got. When I was. I was busing tables, I was. I was in charge of the bread and the water. And I got. When I first started, I was young. I was too young to be working and my.

[H. Foley]

Too young to be handling bread.

[Kevin Ryan]

I knew my way around the basket of bread, I'll tell you that much.

[H. Foley]

What's this? Semolina. I remember you got your own yeast starters in your room.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember it was Santo Palato.

[H. Foley]

This guy was collecting sourdough starters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, guys. You guys want to see something cool? Don't touch it. It's proofing.

[H. Foley]

I would tell you about the kid I grew up with that had snails. He had like two or three snails and like a. Like a. Like a. It was like an aquarium, but it was like hot as in there.

[C]

Terrarium.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God. That. Hey, buddy, turn the AC on. Holy.

[H. Foley]

That never slept well.

[Kevin Ryan]

Vinnie with. Dude, Vinnie with the skinny had poison dart frog.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

I swear to God he was. Vinnie with the skinny was screwballs from the. From jump street.

[H. Foley]

What cannibal tribe was he from?

[Kevin Ryan]

Did he had like the frogs? They'd be like neon, whatever, and they'd be. They'd stick to the side of the glass. They were like the Sobey frog. You know what I mean? Yeah. Wasn't that a frog? Yeah, he had.

[C]

That was a lizard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, there was one of them had a frog.

[H. Foley]

That was a tough spokesman. Nobody was drinking now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking creepy.

[H. Foley]

Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

He had point with like to Google that. They're. That's a thing.

[C]

They're only like 60 bucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you can. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Poison.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get one in here and let the killing Missionaries.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember he'd be like, you want to sleep over? I'm like, sleep over, dude, I'd rather go to the goddamn Amazon. Sleep over. At least there I got a shot that I and duty had like a rock on top. And these things were. Had the tongue. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Trying to get out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I don't like anything that's trying to get out. I want something that's happy in its home. You don't see a Beta fish fucking climbing out of the top of that thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that. I don't like those frogs that have those suction cups on their fingers.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what he want. I had. And I got a tree frog. One try it out on me. I didn't keep. I didn't keep it moist enough.

[H. Foley]

A little skin so soft on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Should have hit him with some SPF 30.

[H. Foley]

I love frogs. Toads.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was a big frog guy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You don't see him that much anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's a young kid spots a. That's a young man's sport.

[H. Foley]

But wouldn't you see them still? There's not as many frogs now as there was.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

I mean there was frogs everywhere when I was a kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta. You gotta. You gotta reel that line in a little. I mean, where were they at?

[H. Foley]

When's the last time you saw a frog in public?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. You're asking me where's the last time? I live in Manhattan. I don't fucking. What are you not making up to.

[H. Foley]

The sixth floor house in the suburbs?

[Kevin Ryan]

When's the last time I saw a toad jumping?

[H. Foley]

You did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Squashed him too. Sweet. Hans did not like them.

[H. Foley]

No. There was more frogs, I think, when we were a kid. Google that. Has the frog population gone down. We had them in the pool for a little while.

[Kevin Ryan]

How do they fill out the census? You're not going to get accurate numbers. Yeah, you'd have them in the pool.

[H. Foley]

Sir, this is Nielsen ratings. How many frogs are in your home right now?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's your favorite television show.

[H. Foley]

Did they ever call you?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I never got that.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my brother did once.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nobody.

[H. Foley]

We both answered the phone at the same time. We felt like we were fucking tastemakers. Cheers is what he said. He was probably 11 at the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's like, cheers. I'm a norm, man. I love that John Ratterberger.

[H. Foley]

Ratzenberger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turtle burger.

[H. Foley]

I'll have the Ratter burger, please.

[C]

You hit the nail on the head. The frog population are generally declining worldwide at a rate of 3.8%, 3.8%.

[Kevin Ryan]

3.8%. That's not enough to make a difference.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

No traffic.

[C]

They're saying since the 80s.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. There was frogs everywhere when I was a kid. They were running around. You'd see them in the grass after a rain.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get out of my yard. Yeah. You don't just don't have grass anymore.

[H. Foley]

First of all, you, my mom does.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a lot. The whole backyard's a deck. The front yard, that's less.

[H. Foley]

And I remember 15, 20 years ago, they would get into. This was scary. They would get into the pool and they would go underneath the lip of the above ground pool and they would stick to the inside. So let's say you're going around and all of a sudden you would hit one of them. There ain't enough ice cream sandwiches in the world to make me stop crying when I touch one of those things.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I used to get them in the pool filter.

[H. Foley]

Oh, death.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, they'd be chilling like the toads.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

In the chlorine water.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Tough snap.

[Kevin Ryan]

The are, they're 90s frogs. This ain't these pansies running around today. These are, these are street tough frogs.

[H. Foley]

Unvaccinated frogs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. These guys are, these are, you know.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Holy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I, I, we had a couple of frogs. But because I love. Vinnie had them. And I remember my mom, I remember telling Denise I want a poison dart frog. And she was like, are you freaking kidding me? Not in my heels. Tell your dad you're Catholic. That's throwing holy water at God. All right, let's see here. This one's from Lou. $10 day trader. That's a good one. Shout out to the 10. Shout out to the day traders. That's pretty good. Never had one red. Is it garbage used Korostic Clorox disinfectant wipes on your feet after taking off your work boots to combat athletes foot.

[H. Foley]

I don't think so.

[Kevin Ryan]

I kind of makes sense to me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I've used those wipes, the Lysol wipes. I've used those to weight my hands and stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've seen you blow your nose with them.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Get rid. Yeah. Why? Let's do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got?

[C]

Clorox wipes are generally not safe for skin.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's bleach.

[H. Foley]

But that kills everything.

[C]

Irritants.

[Kevin Ryan]

Including your skin. No, I mean, I don't know what you want.

[C]

It's meant for non porous surfaces.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You're worried about microplastics you're fucking bathing in.

[H. Foley]

Can I Give him a heads up though. Wash your feet in dawn when you get home. Gets the grease and all that shit off of them. Like the. The oils that would be associated with athlete's foot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Or that 10 actin. That shit. What's one dose? That shit works. Spray that in between your toes. We had to clear it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had a can of that sitting in my. I think it was there when we moved in, man. It was my dad's medicine cabinets in our. In the hall bathroom. Obviously they had their bathroom. And then in the hall bathroom for the kids. That medicine cabinet. Because we weren't. We didn't live there enough to like.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

The stuff in my mom's was there.

[H. Foley]

For our whole like an Actin iodine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. It was a couple of condoms. There was some calamine lotion crusted over on the. On that lid. Talk about dried out. That was like a tree frog. And eat.

[H. Foley]

That stuff does not work. There's no way calamine. I've used bottles of that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I think some people are just maybe, you know, you get it bad. You said bad. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's how to get a shot senior week because I had it all over my face. Jammed up my social life.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about closing deals. It's not contagious anymore. You're oozing Summer of the Ooze, the.

[H. Foley]

Phantom of the Shorehouse.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't look at me.

[H. Foley]

Camp. Let's talk about Pretty Litter. Baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Pretty Litter.

[H. Foley]

Gag. We said it once, we'll say it a million times. Pretty Litter is the only cat litter that I use over at the Foley household. My little baby doesn't take anything else. She likes nothing but the best. And that's what Pretty Litter is. If anything's going on with the cat, the crystals turn color. That way you can see if it has a urinary tract infection. Boom. You get it right over to vet. You get it taken care of. Pretty Litter smells great for a month. It's lightweight. I'm telling you right now. We got it. We tried it. We love it. And you will too. So do yourself a favor. Get over to Pretty Litter. Tell them the boys sent you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Pretty Litter ships right to your door. It's non toxic, pet safe, household friendly, low dust, controls odors, and last up to one month, as the big man said. And as he said, I'll elaborate on a little more to monitor your cat's health. Detecting abnormalities in your cat's urine by testing acidity and alkalinity levels and showing the visible presence of blood taking Care to cats Right now you can save 20% on your first order when you get a and you get a free cat toy pretty litter.com garbage that's prettylitter.com garbage to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy prettylittleitter.com garbage pretty litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases. The diagnosis can only come from licensed veterinarian. Licensed veterinarian Terms and conditions apply. See decipher details. Do it. I'm back to the show.

[H. Foley]

Back to the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal.

[C]

Information, which might explain why there's a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix guaranteed or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. All right, let's see here what else we got. This is from Afternoon Farmer. Another work. Is it garbage to put your belt in the loops on your pants and preload your pockets the night before work? Because it's one less thing you have to do before you head out to work in the morning.

[H. Foley]

I respect it, but putting it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'm a guy. I get home, I'll come home today, I'll take my pants off. Belt stays in. Of course, not taking my. That belt stays in. I throw them either I have a hook that I hang them on and the. On the inside door of my claw, I close. You know it's on there and I close that.

[H. Foley]

Cuz you leave your wallet in there, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, unless I'll. Yeah, unless maybe I'll take my wallet and keys out and like put them on like the desk or whatever.

[H. Foley]

I always feel like a cop when I do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you're gonna. My beige.

[H. Foley]

Always feel like a cop.

[Kevin Ryan]

So. But then, yeah, I mean to like. And then I'm wearing them pants every day for the next couple of weeks. They're getting. They're getting worn in.

[H. Foley]

I've had these on for a while. Yeah, I could feel them. They could use a little. Oh, I know, a little Clorox, little calamine lotion.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here.

[H. Foley]

Nothing wrong with that. That's a. That's a. That's a pro move. And you slide right into them and you're out the door. You know what? I'm having Happened a lot more lately than ever in my life. My belts twisting on me. And sometimes I forget, like, I don't catch it. So I'll have a twist. I'll like. I'll be like digging around and like the above my pocket, like, what the hell? My belt will be twisted. That never happened to me before, but it happened a lot more now. I don't know if something's going to run away, belt technology is going down or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are right about the frog.

[H. Foley]

I was right about the frogs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fair. I'll give it to you. Barely. I mean, 3%.

[H. Foley]

That's a lot. 3. I take 3. 3.8% of your nose off. You'll notice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not if. But okay, my nose, sure. But if you took 3% off my body, you wouldn't notice. No, not the wiener, please. I need every ounce I can get. Ah. What?

[C]

I'm only getting industrial belts twisting.

[H. Foley]

See? Oh, industrial belts. Yeah, like in the car.

[C]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

When your belt would go.

[Kevin Ryan]

I only had that once. Guy can, you know. Yeah, only once I had it. I remember as a belt, you gotta get the bed. That was like the talk for like the. Or maybe it was on my mom's car. I was a kid. It was on my mom, the belt. And it was like when your mom.

[H. Foley]

Or dad's car had something like that where everybody could tell. Like when it was squeaking.

[Kevin Ryan]

You could pull into school parking lot with a screamer.

[H. Foley]

Dude. My mom had bad breaks for a while and she would pull in, you would just hear she was crushing walnuts. It was brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's like Uncle Buck pulling in and get you everybody. God damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Smoking.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It's bad news. And my dad, when my dad bought. My dad bought an old Mustang. He was supposed to fix it up, which I don't know how he's going to do that because he couldn't change a light bulb.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a lot of cash flying around.

[H. Foley]

None. He ended up having to sell it so I could for college. I always felt bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

How'd that. How that investment work?

[H. Foley]

Not good. And. And I remember the guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I know.

[H. Foley]

It was like my sophomore year. And like, he loved this car. He drove it for a while, but had a hole in it. Had a hole in the. In the. In the right back seat. And he would take like six of us to basketball practice. And I remember fucking Ed Fortescue's like, foot went through it one time. It was bad. But this dude that he sold it to came and fixed it up in our driveway. He was there like every Night after work for like three weeks. Dude, when he pulled this thing out, it looked brand new.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was just like I was there the whole time. Could have done it.

[H. Foley]

Three weeks, some other guy coming in, fucking. My mom's bringing him out beers and shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's got a fresh lemonade on a fucking tray. Wearing something nice. Skank. She's got those leather pants on.

[H. Foley]

Hey, don't bring those up. Cousin Joey's wedding, the brunch, the brunch the next day. Walking at the house. Walking out of my Aunt Mary's with a pair of tight leather pants on. I refuse to go, I refuse to go. Tart doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hussy Grace leather pants.

[Kevin Ryan]

Supposed to be a child of God out here. Out here in leather pants and squid.

[H. Foley]

Ink pasta up at the woodland shaking your ass in front of the scrambled eggs. I don't think so. Anyway. Poison frogs, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, this is Willy Wonka's little homie. Ten dollar homie never have one. Red is a garbage for your mom to send you and your stepdad to a Taco Bell run. And you end up running to your biological father. As you're walking out of the Taco Bell. Stepdad and father end up getting in a fight. Stepdad wins, but his shirt is torn up.

[H. Foley]

Holy shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

This was back in 2008. Haven't seen biological dad since.

[H. Foley]

Damn. Wow, that's some fucking beef.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's, you know, that's on site type shit. Because listen, I've navigated this. My parents did it quite well to an extent. Right. Mom did a real good job of never trashing my dad when I was younger. As we got older, it became pretty sure you can only, can only defend the guy.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if I ever issues. Did, did Big Joe Kelly and your dad have a. Any type of relationship?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean they weren't boys.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I understand, I understand that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Moved into the man's house. Well, listen, all that is. No, they weren't, they were cordial. They were cordial.

[H. Foley]

I think that's a, you know, your, your, your stepfather, you know, he had his own business and all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

My ma had a type of sure. Smoking, drink and construction workers.

[H. Foley]

But I think if the stepdad moves into the house. But theoretically if he needed to, he could afford his own house. I feel like that's okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was, it was more, it was more of we're not moving. My mom, my mom's like, this is my friggin house. Yeah, this is my kid's house.

[H. Foley]

They don't Want to take you out of your school district.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was.

[H. Foley]

That's all the ladies in the school.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was a while. He waited a while to move. It been a while.

[H. Foley]

Was there ever any talk of, like, hey, you might. You might be moving to, like, Abington or something? So you would have. You still.

[Kevin Ryan]

I refused to go. I did.

[H. Foley]

You would have went to like, CB west or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wasn't figuring it out. I said no way it was going to be. When I was. They were talking. I was kind of excited. Fresh start. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I kind of look forward to it. At the same time, I'm like, I know who I am and I know who I'm not. And I'm not the guy to go to a new school and win everyone over. I got a bit of an attitude problem.

[H. Foley]

So what's neshaminy like? It's pretty cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Loser. Back when my own. My old house had an elevator. Start lying about how cool my old house was.

[H. Foley]

I told you I wanted to go to a. A post grad year after college. I was looking at.

[Kevin Ryan]

You didn't graduate.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I'm sorry. High school. I could have went to, like a gap year. No. Prep school. Yeah. I could have done a fifth year at this place. Mercersburg Academy. I could have played football there. I would have been 19. Playing high school football.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ain't done.

[H. Foley]

Look real, real nice too, but I ain't get in. And it was like.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it couldn't have happened. And it didn't happen.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're like. You're a bunch of. What? It could have, should have. Yeah, man. I could have done this. I could have done. Listen, you don't do shit.

[H. Foley]

All right, 20 GS or something like that. Give me a number on Mercersburg Academy.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were cordial for. I mean, you know, they didn't. They did a good job of, you know.

[H. Foley]

Would they see each other.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. In the morning.

[H. Foley]

Hey, what's up? Good to see you. That's it.

[Kevin Ryan]

They. They were at the house. I told maybe.

[H. Foley]

I mean, like a time where they were both in the kitchen at the same time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now, my stepdad did a good job of stepping out of the parental figure and was like, you know, he didn't give a shit. He didn't not give a shit. Yeah, that was. My dad would be the disciplinarian. Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure I could have beat up Joe. He was like 115 pounds. I was a fucking. I was 215 in six grades.

[H. Foley]

You're sitting on him.

[Kevin Ryan]

215. That's a big boy. Boy sure does love rolls.

[H. Foley]

Did he ever criticize you about your weight?

[Kevin Ryan]

He hit me one time pretty hard. He was pretty sauced up. We were eating crabs.

[H. Foley]

Hey, you're not supposed to eat the shells.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, the newspaper. We got crabs down here on. See if you can find. I think it's, like, number one seafood. It's on, like, Route 1 or 2. Ben Salem Seafood. It's right by park.

[H. Foley]

You fat little bastard.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wanted crabs, and we got, like, a. We went and got a half a bushel of crabs. Off season.

[H. Foley]

Man, you got a lot of balls. Who the fuck tells their parents they want crabs?

[C]

Dom Seafood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, it might be close.

[H. Foley]

I know that place.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was on, like, Route 1. Maybe you're getting grabs on or Trevos. Try Trevos. 90 minutes from Wildwood. Hey, throw them crabs in a car and get them up here, okay?

[H. Foley]

I got a hungry boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not like I'm in Nebraska or some. Ordering sush. Ah.

[H. Foley]

What do you say to you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit me with a. I forget the. I.

[H. Foley]

Slow down.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it was. I think I was, like, stretching in my. My young. My young breasts were. Were protruding out of my shirt.

[H. Foley]

Shirley Temple from Mae west over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we were at home. We went and got crabs and brought them back to the house.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you eat in the car there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm in the back seat.

[H. Foley]

They're all over you like spiders. There's just a claw sticking out of your mouth.

[Kevin Ryan]

He turns around. Go. Play it cool, man. Play it cool.

[H. Foley]

All of a sudden, you just smell an old bay. What the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we bought cooked crabs already and took them home. We're eating them in the kitchen.

[C]

American Crab Company.

[Kevin Ryan]

American Crab Company. That's what give me a couple reviews on American crack. A good one. That's a goddamn institution. What year did that open? That's been here my whole life. Those dudes are moving crab.

[C]

4.5 stars.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good.

[H. Foley]

Crap, that's good. My haircut's driving me crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ain't no crab out there.

[C]

Open for 45 years.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. 45 years.

[H. Foley]

Fat like you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keep him, biz. Denise's boys coming down.

[H. Foley]

So what did he say to you? What was the occasion? No one just gets crabs. Unless you live in, like, Maryland. That's like Christmas, something.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one's doing. No one's cracking crabs on Christmas.

[H. Foley]

We always did seafood around Christmas and New Year's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Different. Seafood's not crabs.

[H. Foley]

We got crabs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, like cooked crabs that you crack Open crabs, lobsters. I'd rather cold.

[H. Foley]

That was my big gift.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crabs. Just what I wanted. They're everywhere.

[H. Foley]

Crabs got up, got the dog by the throat. So wait, you just. This one night. I could hear you in your stuffed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got some crabs. Oh my God.

[H. Foley]

I can hear your little stuffy nose and dirty butt.

[Kevin Ryan]

How can you hear my dirty butt? It was more of a him thing. He liked crabs. I just started like. I think like he had introduced them to me before. This is when my brother and sister out of the house. I'm like, I don't know, 10 maybe.

[H. Foley]

That makes it even weirder.

[Kevin Ryan]

This was him. I think this was him, like bonding with me.

[H. Foley]

Less than five people eating crabs is weird.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's two of us.

[H. Foley]

Wait, your mom wasn't there.

[Kevin Ryan]

She don't touch crap. Like maybe he cleaned a claw for. Or whatever. She was there.

[H. Foley]

I assume Denise stayed away from the squidding pasta as well.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, she's a.

[H. Foley]

So what do you say to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I was. I. I genuinely forget the line. But he.

[H. Foley]

So it's like a Wednesday night?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's probably a Friday night. All right, Friday night. Crab night.

[H. Foley]

Dump.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crab Fridays probably did, you know, I don't know. We ordered Prabh. Maybe 15 dozen crabs or something. He had a couple. I had a couple. And I think I was standing up. I was like stretching or something in my. You know, my. My bosom was. Was protruding. And he compared my tits to somebody's like my. My mom's.

[H. Foley]

My sister.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like somebody.

[H. Foley]

Jason Momoa. I know that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It wasn't. It wasn't. It wasn't about the definition of my pecs. And my mom went, Joe. And I was. I'll hit this guy that's crazy around Nate. Call me fat.

[H. Foley]

He start crying. He grabbed a couple Hawaiian rolls and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit him rubbing my eyes. I got old bay in it burned. Remember I was wearing my. I was wearing my brother's long sleeve shirt at the time and I thought your sister's bra.

[H. Foley]

Hey, diddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Dolly Parton. Pass me the old bay, will you?

[H. Foley]

Oh, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you remember the Dolly Parton song? I didn't know who Dolly Parton was, but I.

[H. Foley]

9 to 5. What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dolly Parton? No, Dolly Parton. She's the best. She's got mountains on her chest. I remember singing that at like 8. Someone said, the hell did you just. I didn't know Dolly Parton was. Dare you what?

[H. Foley]

Great country artist, great set of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great set of camps.

[H. Foley]

She was beautiful.

[Kevin Ryan]

Still. It still is.

[H. Foley]

Absolutely A beautiful rest in peace legend. She's not dead. Oh, Jesus Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry.

[H. Foley]

What's wrong with you? Goddamn country western sensation.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's 25 and I just put the fucking kibosh on her. She's like 80 years old.

[H. Foley]

She's alive. Right, Luke?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

All right, take it easy. Fucking dude. On both of you.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. Did we even get to that question? I guess so. I forget where we were.

[C]

Mercer's Burg Academy. You would not be able to go to, by the way. Take a guess on the day tuition. Not even boarding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like commuter.

[C]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Sounded fucking like West Virginia. I ain't driving down there every day. Then you're boarding 20. Really?

[C]

78.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hunter. You don't need that up front.

[H. Foley]

It's $78,000 a year to go there. I feel like I've asked you this before.

[C]

I think.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Damn. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, maybe next year. Hey, guys are in. Eat a goods.patreon.com. send a big man back to Mercer. Have some D back.

[H. Foley]

Good school, huh?

[C]

Looks like it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I remember.

[C]

Better be.

[H. Foley]

I imagined like a whole life down there. Be like rich kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what it was. Me switching schools. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I'd be a different person down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was.

[H. Foley]

Get my shit together. Go to a good school, you know, Be a different guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't have it in you.

[H. Foley]

I could have.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't. No. Stop saying coulda. You don't.

[H. Foley]

I coulda.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you couldn't.

[H. Foley]

My dad sold the Mustang 400 times.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd still be paying that year off.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. It's only one year. That's not that bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

70. I said. What?

[H. Foley]

It wasn't that. 94.

[Kevin Ryan]

78.

[H. Foley]

So I would say probably in 94, it was 30 grand.

[Kevin Ryan]

$8 million. That's even harder to get. Yeah, I would. So I refused that. That was. I refused to go.

[H. Foley]

He.

[Kevin Ryan]

He. My stepdad was a builder. Like a, you know, a construction guy. So he built a house.

[H. Foley]

I don't think you would have last. That's at Central Bucks. East or west at that time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

Because you're kind of a.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good point. Nicely played. That's a. That's a Mercersberg, man, right there.

[H. Foley]

With your huge tits in your tree frogs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crab breath.

[H. Foley]

Hey, goddamn country boys out there. Especially back then.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're talking 2000. You're talking about the 90s, dude. I'm talking about 2000. This is probably. So the plan was to go in 9th grade, 9th or 10th grade. And I said, I'll Listen, that's great for you. I'm happy for you. Because my mom worked at Doylestown Hospital. She was driving up there. She was doing third shifts. She's driving home at like fucking, you know, the middle of the night or what.

[H. Foley]

Deer on the road.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dirty deer on the road in her Bravada driving like that. All the way up on his steering wheel. Dude, her and that Bravada, that sand colored GMC that, that. You know, the interior. The interior and exterior thing was awesome. This thing was awesome. It's like the goddamn Sahara, dude. It was all I used.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that same guys. That same color interior in the 90s and early 2000s, man. Cloth.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, this was leather.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

That would. Crank heaters in there. Lights are right off. Yeah, little Clorox, little Armor All. Take that. Take that sheen right out of there. What's a Bravada? Go see. We can get a Chevy Bravada for right now. I might buy my. Buy Denise a Bravada. Yeah, that's what she wants, her birthday. What do you mean? Relive the glory years.

[H. Foley]

She don't want that hunk of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get her out of retirement. Back at the hospital.

[H. Foley]

She having like a nice gun Audi or something like that now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, that.

[H. Foley]

Get her a card or some crabs.

[C]

2002 bravada.

[Kevin Ryan]

That sounds about right.

[C]

32 grand.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? 32. The hell? 3200. That's pretty high. How many miles are on?

[C]

About as much as Mercersberg in 1994.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, so it was about 30 grand.

[C]

It was 36 grand.

[H. Foley]

Damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy shit. But I said, I'm going to move in with dad because I would have been able to stay at the same height. And Denise did not. Did not like that.

[H. Foley]

That would have been a bad move living with that. You wouldn't have gotten to college. You'd have been a moving away.

[Kevin Ryan]

He would have. No, he would have convinced me to like, why don't you come work? Like, I would have like dropped out. I would have dropped out. And he's like, you know what the. You know what the steam fitters are making right out of, you know, good money.

[H. Foley]

Good money getting the union.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had gone. Me and my brother went to college and we were all working together. And he was like, you guys should join the union. I'm like, I'm 26. I got a college degree. No.

[H. Foley]

Good cash, though. Good bennies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know you'd be working for.

[H. Foley]

The rest of your life.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm aware. Yeah. And it's also that life takes a toll on you. Those dudes like you couldn't. They're all getting. No, they're all getting knee replacements, hip replacements. I'd have to get my tits done.

[H. Foley]

You're working in the office, getting a poop lift. You're in the trailer. Everybody's coming in to get their checks from you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, good.

[H. Foley]

Your dad around?

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you see the blouse Kevin's wearing today? You're gonna want to get in there and ask for some time off. If you get. I like the Puerto Rican girl from Sopranos that AJ Falls in love with. I'm giving guys my. My six digits of my cell phone number. You got to work on the rest.

[H. Foley]

Speaking of AJ Robert Eiler home run in Bad Thoughts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Fantastic.

[H. Foley]

You haven't seen Tom Segura's Bad Thoughts over there on Netflix?

[Kevin Ryan]

Do yourself a favor, check it out. Wow, man. Very good.

[H. Foley]

Fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Speaking of schools, this is from OG Lady Garbage. 13:10, homie. Never have one red. Is it garbage if you have to walk across a river on a railroad tracks to get to and from school? That's a bad neighborhood, dude. You're scoping out to see if it's coming or not. Jesus Christ. Where do you live? India. That's crazy. Is this Slumdog Millionaire?

[H. Foley]

Darjeeling High School. That's bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that's. That's. Listen, we. There's.

[H. Foley]

I didn't like walking across the parking lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Who we were there was like, our. I'm talking about this now with my wife because she. They all walk to school, and she like, not on, like, highway, though. More than, like, our school districts here, from my understanding, is like, unless you're in the neighborhood.

[H. Foley]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, you can't be, like, crossing bigger road. Like, you know, it's got to be like, you walk out, you make a right. And I think at least in maybe Pennsylvania, it was like, there has to be a sidewalk.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, you know, you can't be walking through people's front yards or whatever, but there they were like. You know, they kind of disperse. You know, it's like they're all like.

[H. Foley]

They're like a village, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Kind of. I mean, she grew up in a.

[H. Foley]

Shoe over there at Hogwarts Crossing a train track over a river.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild. That's dangerous, man. Those. Those scared the shit out of me. I might. Speaking of my dad, my dad's from Roxboro, so he took us. There was like, a Trussell Bridge. Is that what they're called? We called them Trussells.

[H. Foley]

Trestle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trestle, yeah. Like the railroad bridges. That where you got to, like. It's railroad ties. Every, like, 12 inches or whatever. His fucking asshole took us out on one because they used to. That they didn't have, like, a pool. Like, they were, you know, you jumping in the river, but on. They would hold on to the train.

[H. Foley]

Hold on to the train.

[Kevin Ryan]

They would get on the train, hold on to the train, and then, like, jump off the train into the. That's what they told me.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I talked it. Because Cassidy's from Roxborough, too. I talked to him. He's like, yeah, yeah. That's what. So he's like. He would tell us, and I'm like, nah. So he's like, my. My dad was very. You'd be like. He would tell you a story. You go, no fucking way. And he'd go, get in the car. Yeah, I mean, we pulled over. He parked on the side of, like, a street that you're not allowed to park on the side, like, a relative highway. We get out. We climb down an embankment. I'm. Dude, we're like. I'm in, like, my church shoes. We were visiting, like, my grandma for Mother's Day or easter at Tom McCann's.

[H. Foley]

Here, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got my penny loafers on, and he's got nickels in him. There was a fence. I must have been. We had to, like, climbed. And he's like, come on, come on. Stop being a pussy. These are afraid of your shadows. That's what he used to. Afraid of your own goddamn shadows. And I remember, dude, my knees were knocking walking across this thing. And the second.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Pop. We're getting his breakfast. I can't have a BL. I can't have a BLT this time of the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Omelette bar closes at 10. The omelet station and the powder eggs do a number on my intestines.

[H. Foley]

But the scrambies.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I remember the moment when we got over water because those start. You're still over land. And I was like, oh, this isn't bad. That man so scared.

[H. Foley]

Oh, shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jesus. There's a different time.

[C]

Want to see a dead body?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was very much that.

[H. Foley]

It's gonna be yours. You want to see a dead fat kid with tits? Sorry, I'm really running with that. Yeah, it's nice to deflect.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't like crabs and f. Tits?

[H. Foley]

What are we talking about? Two things I do well.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know grabs and tits. This is a goddamn ayg. We do crabs and tits. Motorboat instead of a you. Oh, God, that's So funny. This is from 2. This is from Too many. Y' all know. Y' all know you can buy a Visa gift card. Okay. Have your friend upload it to their PayPal account, then have them send a friends and family payment to you to get cash. Mm, I don't get that. So it's a way to get cash.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

But if you're buying the Visa gift card, you essentially have.

[H. Foley]

But you don't have cash. Drug dealers don't take cash. Or drug dealers don't take Visa gift cards usually.

[Kevin Ryan]

So what are you buying the Visa gift card with? Credit.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Or if it was given to you as a gift.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but he's saying you can buy a Visa gift card.

[H. Foley]

Buy a Visa gift card with your credit card.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would also assume if you're operating under the sense that you're have an open balance credit card, you can get your hands on it. Take a fucking cash advance on the credit card.

[H. Foley]

They bang out, don't they?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, if you need your fucking.

[H. Foley]

I got caught up in that world in college when I found that you could do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never. Listen, I've never learned out of. I tried it one time in Atlantic City.

[H. Foley]

90% on today's car. I remember that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Because they kept shutting our. All of our cards down. There was like 4am and we're trying to take out.

[H. Foley]

Sizable amount of money.

[Kevin Ryan]

I needed to dip people. And they kept. They shut down all the cards, remember?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I was like, I can get an advance. And then I was like, I don't want to. They denied that too. And I was like, I'm not letting. Dancing with the Devil in the Pale moonlight with that one. No, thank you. Yeah, I guess, I mean, that makes sense if you have a Visa. I guess if you have a Visa gift card in my head, upload it, they can pay it forward and use that balance and then you get cash.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but maybe that's a way to get around any fees.

[Kevin Ryan]

But if they send you a family payment that goes to a bank account.

[H. Foley]

Oh, wait, but hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

See.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. How are you getting the cash out of PayPal?

[Kevin Ryan]

So let's just say it's a hundred bucks.

[H. Foley]

Uh huh. Oh, hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

They can go to your. Your Chase account. Like your debit card.

[H. Foley]

Yes. And then you're going to take it out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That's a lot. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rob the bank or something.

[H. Foley]

That's got meth written all over it. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think they're going to a GNC and getting supplements.

[H. Foley]

Blue Magic.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is an update. This is. This is why I forgot we talked about this. This is from Tiffany. Kippy, I need to know, is your wife still using that ceramic egg holder in the fridge? We must. I told you about that. I assume, ceramic egg holder. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Like the little soldier John.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's like a. You put. It's like a ceramic thing with like, hole. And you put the dozen eggs in there so they're not in the carton.

[H. Foley]

A plastic one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Yeah. No, we're not using it. No, it's been empty.

[H. Foley]

Feels nice doing it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I am not doing that, by the way I cry. I go through a dozen eggs. If I'm being bad, in three days.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

If I'm being good, four days. But then that means if she's not, she's having an egg or two. I mean, we're going. We're buying eggs every day, it seems.

[H. Foley]

One egg is tough. One egg is.

[Kevin Ryan]

I won't. I won't do two eggs.

[H. Foley]

Nothing. That's half of it's in the pan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, there you go. There's a way to get some cash out of. Not cash. That's a way to get cash out of gift cards. Which is instead of. We used to do the thing. I remember. I don't know if it was GameStop or somewhere. I had. They gave me store credit and I was there pedaling the. Hey, I. You know, it's. With my buddy, I think. And he was asking, hey, I got. I'll. Let me buy you. Give me the cash and I'll buy you. But he's doing it to like, random people at the GameStop.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, they were there buying a controller. He's like, give me the 45 bucks, I'll pay for. For it. Guys like, get the fuck away. Boys. Like, you can't. Unless you're buying something. You can't be in here.

[H. Foley]

It's third party business out front.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got a booth set up.

[H. Foley]

Serge, Mini, your time.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. Let's do a couple of more. This one's a good idea. Which we've talked about before, but I never thought of this as. Never thought of this for 10 bucks. Chuck, first time, long time. Is it garbage to clean the bathroom sink with a vacuum after you shave or trim?

[H. Foley]

That's so crazy. I started doing that maybe a year ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great.

[H. Foley]

It's fucking. As long as nothing's wet.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the problem.

[H. Foley]

As long as nothing's. What you make sure it's dry and all you have to do is get above the water of where the water line. Cuz then you can just splash it all down.

[Kevin Ryan]

The splash and takes a while and sometimes you splash it up too high. Then you got to come down. You know what I do? This is a new one. We talked about this probably a handful of months ago. And this is the new thing I've learned. And I think about. I take my shirt off. Like typically I'm shaving before I get in the shower. I take my shirt off, lay that.

[H. Foley]

Over completely to trim your beard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Over the whole sink. Shave in that so then it all. You can't see the sink.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but then you're. All those trimmings are going in the laundry.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they go right into the shower. That's already running. Wash that all down.

[H. Foley]

Paper towels are. A newspaper would be better than. You can just fold it up and throw it out.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got newspaper. I use that for paper towels. That's crab night. I'm all right. We gotta wrap it up. Get out on that baby. That's how you do it, gang.

[H. Foley]

We love you to death. Grab some tickets to a live show. Like Kippy said, there's some markets where we're not gonna be able to add shows. So make sure you don't miss out. Pick up a pack of cards.

[Kevin Ryan]

Check out the hoodie party pack. We got beer koozies. We got ashtrays, we got matches, we got coasters and we got shot glasses.

[H. Foley]

Just in time for summer. And check out the Route 66 store if you haven't checked it out. We love you and we'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.