Beer & Nachos w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast – Episode: "Beer & Nachos"

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: August 14, 2025

In this lively episode of "Are You Garbage?," hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dive into a mix of personal anecdotes, humorous banter, and interactive listener questions, all while maintaining their signature trashy yet comedic vibe.

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1. Personal Updates and Tour Announcements (02:49 – 19:32)

The episode kicks off with Kevin and H. Foley sharing updates about their lives and upcoming plans. They discuss their fall and winter comedy tour, detailing the cities they'll be visiting and the dynamics of traveling together.

• Kevin Ryan: "We're gearing up for our fall and winter tour. Tickets on sale now @rugarbage.com starts it." (03:00)

• H. Foley: "We're starting out on the West Coast. That's gonna be a long drive." (03:23)

The hosts joke about the challenges of touring, including long drives and maintaining energy on the road.

2. Anecdotes on Daily Life and Mishaps (19:32 – 24:33)

Kevin and H. Foley transition into sharing funny and relatable stories from their daily lives. Topics range from coffee mishaps to shoe-tying struggles, highlighting their ability to find humor in mundane situations.

• H. Foley: "What was it?" (08:55) referring to a confusing coffee order.

• Kevin Ryan: "I didn't know what it was. I spit that out in the garden as they called it 'a giant.'" (09:07) recounting his first experience with ceviche.

They also touch upon awkward social interactions and the quirks of personal habits.

3. Listener Questions and Humorous Debates (24:49 – 59:46)

The heart of the episode revolves around listener-submitted questions, which Kevin and H. Foley tackle with their trademark humor and candidness.

Question 1: Self-Checkout Etiquette

• Listener: “Is it garbage to go through the self-checkout at a grocery store because you don't want to be judged for what you're buying? Two bags of chips, ice cream and a family pack of Uncrustables when you're 36 years old.” – roly poly Foley (24:50)

Hosts' Response:

• H. Foley: "I respect it." (25:14)
• Kevin Ryan: "I have exactly that happened to me this weekend." (25:14)

They humorously discuss the stigma of buying kid-oriented snacks as an adult and share personal experiences of feeling judged in public settings.

Question 2: Walking with Untied Shoes

• Listener: “How far is too far to walk with an untied shoe?” – Cosmic King (33:25)

Hosts' Response:

• Kevin Ryan: "When I was bigger, I don't would... As soon as possible." (33:34)
• H. Foley: "You’re the one that messed up, not me. That’s on the shoelace." (34:05)

They engage in a playful debate about the practicality and social perceptions of having untied shoes, blending safety concerns with comedic exaggerations.

Question 3: Belt Buckles Covering Unbuttoned Pants

• Listener: “Is it garbage to have a big enough belt buckle on suit pants to cover up the fact that they don't actually button?” – Chad (35:27)

Hosts' Response:

• Kevin Ryan: "Buddy, that is a fat kid move right there." (35:27)
• H. Foley: "If it don’t button, I’m fucked." (36:26)

The duo humorously critiques fashion choices, particularly focusing on the practicality and aesthetics of using oversized belt buckles as a fashion fix.

4. Hilarious Stories from Nightlife and Social Encounters (59:46 – 65:01)

Continuing with listener interactions, Kevin and H. Foley share uproarious stories from their nights out, particularly focusing on their experiences at bars and restaurants.

• Kevin Ryan: "I went to Buddha Bar... Have a huge... I got into laganitas." (52:10)

• H. Foley: "It feels like a bar full of shady characters." (50:55)

They reminisce about past antics, including renting out their apartments on Airbnb to fund their nights out, engaging in humorous self-deprecation about their lifestyles and social habits.

Notable Quote:

• H. Foley: "You're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Yeah, tough life." (36:13) reflecting on the dilemmas of social behavior.

5. Corn on the Cob Buttering Techniques (59:46 – 62:10)

One of the standout segments involves a listener question about communal buttering of corn on the cob, which leads to a comedic exploration of social dining etiquettes.

• Listener: “When buttering corn on the cob, my family heavily butters a hot dog bun and spins the corn in the bun to cover the whole thing. It's very efficient, but it's communal, so it's a little gross.” – Turtonator (61:53)

Hosts' Response:

• Kevin Ryan: "I think you're splitting hairs." (62:08)
• H. Foley: "Usually you take... roll the corn on the cob on top." (62:10)

They mock the communal aspect of the practice, debating the practicality versus the perceived hygiene issues in a lighthearted manner.

6. Closing Remarks and Wrap-Up (65:00 – 65:01)

The episode wraps up with heartfelt thanks to their listeners, reinforcing their community-centric approach.

• H. Foley: "We love you to death." (64:59)
• Kevin Ryan: "See you next week. Peace." (65:00)

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Notable Highlights:

• Relatable Humor: The hosts excel at turning everyday situations—like buying snacks, tying shoes, or ordering food—into sources of laughter.

• Engaging Listener Interaction: By addressing real listener questions, Kevin and H. Foley create a sense of community and relatability, making the audience feel involved.

• Dynamic Banter: The natural and unfiltered conversation between the hosts adds to the podcast's charm, maintaining a balance between trashy humor and genuine camaraderie.

Quotes with Timestamps:

• Kevin Ryan: "When I was bigger, I don't would." (33:34)

• H. Foley: "I respect it." (25:14)

• Kevin Ryan: "I didn't know what it was... I thought it was a gummy bear." (09:07)

• H. Foley: "You’re damned if you do, you're damned if you don't." (36:13)

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Conclusion:

In "Beer & Nachos," Kevin Ryan and H. Foley deliver another episode filled with laughter, candid conversations, and engaging stories that highlight why "Are You Garbage?" stands out as a beloved trashy comedy podcast. Whether they're sharing personal mishaps or entertaining listener queries, the hosts maintain a humorous yet endearing dynamic that keeps audiences coming back for more.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you Garbage? Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's off to do a little volunteer work.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Over at the day camp over there at the local high school.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[H. Foley]

I told you, like turning it around. It's good for her, you know, Confession, church, seeing a therapist, exercising, eating right, trying to get back to the community. She's really, really, you know, making an effort.

[Kevin Ryan]

Circle in the wagons.

[H. Foley]

Yes, she is, and we love her for that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Mike Hoes is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of Are youe Garbage? He is an international businessman. He's also a dad.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

A homeowner, a business owner, A staple of the community. The king of the burbs, some call him. I seen you down here at Home Depot. They were probably throwing sausages at you from Roscoe's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out Rocco's, Roscoe's Chicken. Somebody's got waffles on a brain.

[H. Foley]

I'll be uptown if you need me. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on iTunes in LA. Full video available on YouTube, obviously. Full video available over there on Spotify as well.

[H. Foley]

Where are we at? Climbing through on the goddamn charts over there. Like actually on the charts. I'm not just talking about comedy podcasts. I'm talking about all podcasts in the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Regional United States in the tri state area with two fat idiots as host. And then obviously the greatest website of all time. I don't have to tell the over 15,000 Patreon members. Www.patreon.com Hurry, garbage, go over there. Get all that bonus content. If you sign up on a ten dollar level, you get two epis, get episode of bonus episode of Hard Feelings and then an episode of a bonus episode of AYG. And also since we hit the 15,000 Mano Imano Me versus Foley paintball extravaganza. Finally I got a feeling. I know how this finally I know how this is gonna go.

[H. Foley]

I know how it's gonna go too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck it. I'm gonna hit you with a five gallon bucket of painting because I ain't coming back, baby. What?

[H. Foley]

Nor do.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, shoot yourself. You're just in the top of the bell tower.

[H. Foley]

Blow your brains out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, check it out.

[H. Foley]

Suicide vest, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

You take us out in the. Take us out in the gift shop. I'm. I'm at the snack.

[H. Foley]

You guys gotta clean that up now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ruined my hot dog.

[H. Foley]

I assume there's some type of snack.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I don't think they're making. They make the money on the paint and the diesels.

[H. Foley]

I can smell it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Diesel now, huh?

[H. Foley]

Ain't have a diesel a long time, to be honest with you. Nice hot dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. And then obviously, guys, we are gearing up for our fall and winter tour. Tickets on Sale [e-mail] starts it. What is that?

[H. Foley]

The fall and winter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, it starts. It starts out over there on the West Coast.

[H. Foley]

That's. Is that crazy? Starting out on the west Coast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get the long ones out. That's gonna be a long drive. Guess the van I believe federally.

[H. Foley]

Better not be an electric. Yeah, what is it? Portland, Seattle, San Fran.

[Kevin Ryan]

Two shows in sf. Sf Is the cool guy say. Two shows in fsm. We're doing a bray improv. Big room.

[H. Foley]

Is the brea first?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, bray is last.

[H. Foley]

Bray is last. So we're going San Fran.

[Kevin Ryan]

San Fran, Portland, Seattle. Back down the La La land and.

[H. Foley]

Then we're staying there for a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple days out there, dry out.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Haven't told the wife yet.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? She hasn't seen the house we got. I know that much.

[H. Foley]

Nice little place in the hills. Todd, shut it down. This ain't some setup, is it? I'm not gonna have a happy Horizons or something like that. You guys are walking.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean a goddamn Palisades.

[H. Foley]

They're taking my Snickers bars away from me here. She likes the Ryan D. Is going to be right down the street in a hotel. That's how you would have whacked me, wouldn't you?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Ryan D. Sure. Italian.

[Kevin Ryan]

Someone's gotta do it. Nosy guy.

[H. Foley]

I like that. Yeah, man. It's gonna be fucking fun getting Boys are Back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Vibes are high. We are cooking fall and winter.

[H. Foley]

I love it. Fucking big show in goddamn Philly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big show in Philly.

[H. Foley]

The Met.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Met Phil.

[H. Foley]

Wealthy metropolitan theater.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's gonna be in the nice part of town too. North Broad Street. I carumba I used to. I live.

[H. Foley]

Cecil B Moore. What's the name of that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Cecil B. Moore. Cecil B. Moore. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

A man or a woman?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it was a dude.

[H. Foley]

I always thought it was a woman. Singer. Jazz singer.

[Kevin Ryan]

See Cecil B. Moore. I think it was a guy.

[H. Foley]

No kidding?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. Dude. Yeah. Held the first fish fry north of Spring Garden street.

[H. Foley]

First. Gotta use catfish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Come get the fritters.

[H. Foley]

I could go for a good one.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was Cecil Be more. It's so funny because that's. That's the main intersection of Temple's campus. Is Cecil B. That's the start of campus. Big civil rights guy.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

President of Philadelphia's naacp.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean lawyer. And. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

See if the barber's hall is still there. Get eyes on that.

[H. Foley]

You know, speaking of fish fry. When I go home, if we take a certain way. When I'm. When I'm going over to Queens. I live right by Queensbridge. Nas grew up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. All right.

[H. Foley]

Tough guy on the side. I don't roll through it, but on the side of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Take Friday and Saturday nights. Everybody's out there. They're grilling, they're cooking the whole nine yards.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice, man.

[H. Foley]

They got every. Be able to roll. Hey. What's up? Grab a scrap.

[Kevin Ryan]

You come real jive turkey you got. Hit me high. You do all you do a lot of that. Wouldn't hit me low. Too slow.

[H. Foley]

My man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got your nose.

[H. Foley]

I'm dribbling a basketball. I'd just be cool to go hang out.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're spinning it on your finger.

[H. Foley]

You guys ready?

[Kevin Ryan]

This what Barbers hall is still banging? Yeah. Seems like it's. They also have a new barber's hall. Is that might be what it's called. I'm an O.G. kind of guy.

[H. Foley]

I ain't bringing this one.

[Kevin Ryan]

No fucking cracker.

[H. Foley]

Cracker over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cozy venue with bar offering and comfort food. There you go. I used to have like nickel wings or something. I get them to go.

[H. Foley]

Throw down a five.

[Kevin Ryan]

Give me a Honda.

[H. Foley]

Creep out the back door. Yeah, man. It smells. It smells unbelievable. As you drive by. Wish I could go and hang out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey.

[H. Foley]

What's going on? Introduce myself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm Henry. I live in the neighborhood.

[H. Foley]

I do live in a neighborhood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not there. You live in a different part of town. There something cooking? I got a little say happened to me this morning.

[H. Foley]

Erectile dysfunction. Not uncommon for a man your age.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rock hard.

[H. Foley]

Still waking up with stiffies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Me too.

[H. Foley]

A little bit these days.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wish. You get the guy Call me in the morning time a fish fry.

[H. Foley]

Mine's usually a pee boner. You get pee boners? No, I'm an. Nobody gets pee boners. You don't get a pee boner?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, sure. From time to time, I guess.

[H. Foley]

Time to time I wake up with every morning I have to pee. And then every time I pee I would get tired again. I got to go back to sleep for a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a big. That's a long walk to the bathroom.

[H. Foley]

But I try to hold it off for as long as I can. You know what I mean? But sometimes it gets too much and then it's such a pee bony. You can't push it down to go tinkle. Then you peel over the seat.

[Kevin Ryan]

A whole nother bag of problems. You want to go to my fish fry? Yeah, right.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Come on. Go peeing on a seat there now. He laughed out of town.

[H. Foley]

No, she want to go, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I took as driving from the burbs up to old city of New York to come film this program we.

[H. Foley]

Recorded out of broadcast out of New York City.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I. I stopped it. I'm a Starbucks man. Large black coffee. Sure, I like it.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Strong black coffee. That is summer. He don't give a. Nah, you gotta hot and black. What are you talking about? Cold brew. You got a chiller sitting right next.

[Kevin Ryan]

To his black, though. Oh, yeah, I'm doing hot. I'm old school hot. I'm like, yeah, but if I'm doing a coffee and it's hot, it's black.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but you're a cult.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're trying to get my feet like me.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're giving him so much guff.

[H. Foley]

You like cold bruises.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's saying I'm a cool tough guy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, don't give him that. Yeah, I think he's eating crispy rice like you and me, huh? Think this guy ever had a piece of ceviche in his life?

[Kevin Ryan]

I did once. I didn't know what it was. I was at a. I was at a. I was at a wedding with my bro. I thought it was gum as a wedding in Spain. I spit that out in the. In the garden as they called it A giant. I thought it was a gummy bear.

[H. Foley]

Hey, somebody forgot to cook the fish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, did. I didn't know that. Yeah, I thought it was like a jello shot. They were. It was.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? No, I thought I was getting fucked up.

[H. Foley]

In Hawaii. I don't think I ever told you this. I had a. They. This place we went to had oyster shots. So it was a raw oyster. Some type raw oyster.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got oysters speaking out of the side of your mouth like Patty talking.

[H. Foley]

Shit, man, I'm such a dirt ball. Oysters got oysters what? Oyster shot glass, Little bit of like, I don't know, hot sauce, something like that. With a quail egg on top.

[Kevin Ryan]

This should be annexed. No way. Doing that.

[H. Foley]

Talk about rolling the dice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, it's too many. That's too many. Any malls?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's a lot going on.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I gotta tell you, I stopped to grab a coffee. I picked up. I did the mobile order. I ordered ahead.

[H. Foley]

Very sharp of you. You doing this in town? You're not. You're not doing mobile order on the turnpike, are you? At one of the rest stops.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not doing it before I get on a highway.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Going to Starbucks at the rest stop.

[H. Foley]

We've done it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know, but I mean, who. I'm not getting on the highway to get a coffee, okay? I'm old school. Once you're on a highway, you're on the fucking. I'm getting off to get a coffee. You take care of all the fucking housework, all the fucking admin before you get on a highway.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I couldn't agree more.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy that you're asking me if I. If I wait to have my coffee at fucking Molly Pitcher or whatever the fuck at the John Bon Jovi Restaurant.

[H. Foley]

And Guitar Center.

[Kevin Ryan]

I grabbed the wrong coffee.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. And I don't know what it was, but I drank the whole thing. And it felt real weird.

[H. Foley]

What was it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Was there milk and sugar in it? Yeah, no kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was real nice.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I bet it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

I felt like Debbie all day.

[H. Foley]

Yeah? Yeah. A nice hot coffee with a little cream and sugar.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like some. A little steam, little milk and like, man, I little nip at that. You forget what's on the other side.

[H. Foley]

You'd like a cafe latte.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was some sort of. It was some sort of cafe latte.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah. Coffee and a little hot milk. A little steamed milk in there. You know, not frothed up, just. Just hot.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was not. Whatever it was.

[H. Foley]

Maybe a simple syrup, maybe a vanilla, maybe an almond. Be nice for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, too much.

[H. Foley]

Lose your edge a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Those fucking eyebrows could cut bread. Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, my Uncle Dan had to get taken off the beach. He was wearing black sweatpants and a black T shirt. Uncle Den don't do the beach. That Much. Shout out, uncle Dan, I love you. He don't listen. He's the one. I. I was drunk and I. I was going around kissing everybody goodbye at the table.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I almost kissed my Uncle Ben. And he hit me with. He tried to kiss me.

[H. Foley]

I grabbed my cock. Thanksgiving. You believe that?

[Kevin Ryan]

He don't do shorts. So he had on like warm up pants. You know, like soccer coach.

[H. Foley]

I'm aware. Psycho. On a beach. Come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

On a beach without. With a hot Wawa coffee and a black T shirt. He almost. He went. He almost. He was. Hey. Yeah. They had to get him in the tent.

[H. Foley]

Going out like a man.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's down there in his shoes, just.

[H. Foley]

Still sipping the coffee in the ambulance.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cranking Salems. I think that's what he does now. Still.

[H. Foley]

I don't think they make them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Him and Aunt Soup.

[H. Foley]

Salem soft pack, I assume.

[Kevin Ryan]

I forgot what Aunt Soup used to do. Hardcore.

[H. Foley]

Mary Catherine was a Salem lady. Yeah. Soft pack in a little cigarette pouch. But I wanted to ask you this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ask me. I got nothing but time here.

[H. Foley]

So. A program put it. I'm wary for. For a buddy these days. You know what I mean? Find a. Find the. Find a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit me up.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? If you don't call, you don't. You don't write, you don't do nothing.

[H. Foley]

Public enemy number one to you. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

I got nothing going on.

[H. Foley]

So I call my one boy. Ain't talked to him in a while.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, you know you're jammed up when you're. When you're calling people.

[H. Foley]

I'm taking it every which way.

[Kevin Ryan]

When the last thing you said was like, merry Christmas. In like 08. They checked the text.

[H. Foley]

I wanted to turn to Belarus for an ally. An ally. I'm jammed up. See, I just. My word there. I got to get my brain looked at. Could have dementia. Okay, Stephen. So I call my boy and I'm like. Picks up. Hello. Gives me that. I'm like.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's like, okay.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I'm like, yo, what's going on? He's like, who's this? Like, what you got here?

[Kevin Ryan]

With a. Who's this?

[H. Foley]

He's fucking. He's backpedaling on me. Fucking acting like you don't know who I am.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like this guy.

[H. Foley]

I'm like, what the fuck is this?

[Kevin Ryan]

Jimmy, it's me, Henry.

[H. Foley]

Everybody in my fucking life hates my guts. I'm calling you. I'm getting shit from you now. He's like, I didn't see the number. I just picked it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

And no One's just answering phones like that.

[H. Foley]

He's like, that's my. That's my I don't know who you are voice. Do you have an I don't know who you are voice if you ever pick up a number you don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not picking up numbers. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crazy.

[H. Foley]

I know you don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

What I would do is I do.

[H. Foley]

It all the time. And then we got into a thing. He's like, I just didn't. I didn't know who you were. He's like, that's my. I don't know who you are.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you didn't have your numbers. I'm more stuck. You didn't have your numbers, remember?

[H. Foley]

Exactly. I was. No, he has my number saved either. He didn't look.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one doesn't just look at the phone and answer it.

[H. Foley]

That guy came up weird, so I have to call him and ask him, but he gave me the I don't know who you are voice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Again with it. Yeah, obviously you're. It's like a little bit of like a. Huh, What Huh? What's this for, cuz?

[H. Foley]

This is mine. Ready? Hello, is Henry Foley there? Hello?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello?

[H. Foley]

And then I hang up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You keep getting calls for like payday loans that you keep answering and going, take me off your list. Which to them you're a positive outcome because you've answered the phone. So that's why they keep calling. You go, this guy at least picks up. One day he's gonna be in a fucking pickle and need three grand. And I'm gonna come calling it the right day.

[H. Foley]

That day was yesterday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out the Native American.

[H. Foley]

But it told me 45 grand, I could consolidate all my debt. 65% APR.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the big deal running per day?

[H. Foley]

Big do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big do. 5pm every day. It's only 8:50 a day.

[H. Foley]

He said somebody over. You never answer numbers. You don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I don't. Dude, how many times do you call me? I don't answer number. I don't answer numbers. I know. Well aware. I mean, it would. It would take a lot. Everybody. I'm a no call guy. Luke don't call me. Big problem. Luke's never called me.

[H. Foley]

Real text.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

If he calls me, something bad's going down or it's just a lot of back and forth and I'm like, we're. We're already texting and it end up. Yeah, yes. We're jammed up typically. And I'll just go, let me get on the phone so we don't have to go back and forth with the this or that or you know what I mean? But I don't listen.

[H. Foley]

We chit chat all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Henry goes all the time. I've heard that's going into his new contract negotiations.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean? We're good buddies. So you do pick up numbers you don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Do you have a. Do you have a different voice or is it hi, this is Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's up? Really what's up? I'm a different guy. You want to hear mine?

[H. Foley]

Hello?

[Kevin Ryan]

She.

[H. Foley]

Who the fuck. Hello? Hello?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, what's up?

[Kevin Ryan]

I guess I just don't know what good is going to come from like I might.

[H. Foley]

My anxiety. I want to know what it's not calling for. Then I. Then it's out in front of me. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Is it? Is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't come from a very long line of I ain't here.

[H. Foley]

Sure. No. 100%. Listen, I am not going to ever.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get people, I get portfolio recovery calling my phone every day.

[H. Foley]

They're never going to get me. I just. I want to know if they're looking and they're going to get you and.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'S why dude, you're a whale. They're going to get you.

[H. Foley]

I'm not talking about that. Whatever you're talking about I owe or something like that or somebody's looking for me. I never. The reason I get mad is because it's like hi, this is Kathy from the relief department. We want to loan you get fuck out of here. Thought you were fucking somebody actually looking for me because in the back of my head kind of want that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I think you're looking. Come to my front door. Your doors always open.

[H. Foley]

Come get me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Who's chasing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm 1, 23 Main Street.

[H. Foley]

Who's looking? Yeah 145 Bunker Hill Street. Stop by anytime. But don't. I really don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm freaking out. But that's my address.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't know why. I just want to see what's this?

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, fair enough.

[H. Foley]

But the moral of the, of the anecdote segment, if you will.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I didn't. I didn't hear about this in the production meeting. You didn't pitch. You didn't run this up the flagpole.

[H. Foley]

Was everybody out there chime in. Do you have a different voice that you answer when you don't know the number?

[Kevin Ryan]

I definitely have. For a long time I had and as very garbage yeah. Oh, I have. Like I used to have. If I'm talking to the bank or if I'm talking to somebody in charge of me. Like a. They're not in charge of me, but I've assigned them. I've bestowed them some sort of power and I need something from them. Like when I used to have to call to get my toy.

[H. Foley]

I talk to you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, buddy.

[H. Foley]

You losing weight? That's a new shirt. That moles coming in real nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love the air on it.

[H. Foley]

My grandmother had one of those. God rest her soul. Mole with a couple of. A couple of bushes growing out of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, sounds like an attractive lady.

[H. Foley]

Hey, she was beautiful in her day. She's like 100 years old when she had that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy moly.

[H. Foley]

And dementia. Had it bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Forgot to trim that mole hair. Which is why is that mole.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, she had it. My dad added the. I'm not gonna have it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got it?

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a touch of it?

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

It's just. The question is, when do I start leaning into it for my advantage?

[Kevin Ryan]

You already kind of have started.

[H. Foley]

When do I start pulling the Uncle Jude hut.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

What's today's date?

[Kevin Ryan]

Start. Start jerking off at work. I forgot. I didn't know.

[H. Foley]

You know, Kevin, we gotta talk about Shopify.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Shopify.

[H. Foley]

Are we a Shopify family or not?

[Kevin Ryan]

You bet your bottom dollar, right?

[H. Foley]

We use Shopify. We got a lot of. We got a lot of movers and shakers out there. We got a lot of hustles that are guys trying to do stuff online. Let me tell you something. Make that side project your main thing. Shopify can help you do that. Number one, check out on the Internet. I mean, what are we doing here?

[Kevin Ryan]

They got it all.

[H. Foley]

Collects the info, makes the checkout easy. Plus, don't they have something where like they leave the least amount of carts full that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, they got a lot of things that they do. Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for all your retail business. It brings the together in store and online operations across up to 1,000 locations. This ain't. Listen, if you're a small shop, they got you. If you're a big shop, they got you. Imagine being thousand locations. If you have up to a thousand locations, they can manage all of that. Yes. In fact, it's proven based on a report from EY businesses on Shopify POS see real results like a 22% better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent of 8.9% uplift in sales average on relative to the market set surveyed. Think about that.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right? Listen, all that, all that aside, numbers aside, stats, big words, jargon, we're a Shopify family. I'll pull it up right now.

[H. Foley]

We're Shopify family. Do yourself a favor, Shopify. Get all the big stuff for your small business at Shopify. Sign up for a $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com garbage. Go to shopify.com garbage shopify.com garbage and start moving some merch today.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Kip, what do you know about Helix mattresses?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know they've been my favorite mattress for, I don't know, about the last four and a half years. I know that much.

[H. Foley]

They're not a new sponsor.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. They've been with us since Jump Street.

[H. Foley]

That's right. They're building us in Jump Street. I sleep on a Helix. Kippy sleeps on a Helix. Kippy's wife sleeps on a Helix. Luke sleeps on a Helix. Everybody sleeps on a Helix here at the. Are you garbage family? All right. I got Patty sleeping on one when she's home. Do yourself a favor. Go and get the last mattress. Go. Go. Start with the last mattress company you're ever going to deal with. And that's Helix. You go online, you take the quiz. Two, three minutes, bang. Find out how you sleep. They pair you with the best mattress for you. I'm telling you right now, I didn't know I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't know I was sleeping like a bozo until I got this. My first nice mattress. My first adult purchase. Imagine they were nice enough to send me one. We liked it so much, we upgraded. So go to helixleep.com garbage to get 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com garbage for 20% off site wide. One more time. Get a pen, get a pencil. You go climb to the top of the bell tower and yell it out. Helixsleep.com garbage. Do it.

[H. Foley]

I should come in here. My pajamas a couple of times.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, what you do, come in, it is not far from the pajama. You act like you're coming in a three piece suit here.

[H. Foley]

Nice jeans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not every. Okay. Not every day.

[H. Foley]

Sneakers on. No socks, though. I was gonna wear my flip flops and I found out they were upstairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Might as well.

[H. Foley]

Might as well been in Fallujah later.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No way.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. All that's neither here nor.

[H. Foley]

There's family up here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Losing of your mental faculties.

[H. Foley]

You know, we didn't do. We didn't stop by the corner office. Ah, he's been yapping the whole time. Hasn't stopped him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

How are you, kid?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a hospice corner. He thinks he's sick. He thinks I got him sick. There's been some tension in the air.

[H. Foley]

Is.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's a little prickly. They old Kiparino got himself. I'm still sick.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm texting like you're fucking quiet in a group. I got a lot of shit going on. You're fucking. He ain't giving me nothing. Both these. Ryan D. Is on vacation for the 18th time. This.

[H. Foley]

Well, I was trying to play ball with that 12 o' clock thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

What 12 o' clock thing?

[H. Foley]

You said. You said. You said 12 o'. Clock. And then he started asking buttons at 12 or in at 12. I wanted to stay out of it. Like I didn't see anything because I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was coming in at 12:15.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to get caught up in that. So I apologize.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Kippy, I got your mocha cheetos. I know how you like it. Extra frothy.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Yeah. So I had to stay out of it. Every man for himself and that. But I like when there's tension and has nothing to do with me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's no 10. He's just be thinks I got sick.

[H. Foley]

Whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

She got me sick. He act like we're making out or something. I didn't fucking touch this guy.

[H. Foley]

He's saying he's got Covid. You had a little bit of the sniffies on Friday or Thursday? Friday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Then you got real sicky this weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Slinger man.

[H. Foley]

You got a fever?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I don't know. I never.

[H. Foley]

Who doesn't know they have a fever? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never took my temperature.

[H. Foley]

I still know you have a fever.

[Kevin Ryan]

I sweat out a bunch. Yeah, you got. That's what we call a bit. Oh. Sweat through the bed.

[H. Foley]

Sweat through the bed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Blue magic sweats through the bed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Called blue magic. Called red magic. I don't give a. Jesus Christ.

[H. Foley]

All right, we'll stay over there, put.

[Kevin Ryan]

In a bag and call it dog shit for all I get.

[H. Foley]

You haven't touched that coffee.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I spitting. It backfired.

[Kevin Ryan]

Swap darts. All right. All that's either here. They got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the army of garbage over there on Patreon, over 15,000 strong.

[H. Foley]

Thousand strong shot to each and every one of you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, we'll answer your garbage question on the air. This one is from roly poly Foley. $15 Canuck buck, homie. Long time garbage. First time garbage. Question. Is it garbage to go through the self checkout at a grocery store because you don't want to be judged for what you're buying? Two bags of chips, ice cream and a family pack of uncrustables when you're 36 years old. I respect it.

[H. Foley]

And sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta be honest with you. I have exact. That happened to me this weekend. I'm at my local grocer. I'm getting, you know, I'm. I'm getting. I'm loading up on staples. Staples? I'm a bit.

[H. Foley]

For who?

[Kevin Ryan]

For me and the broad. Uh huh huh.

[H. Foley]

Cuz you're. The baby's too young for you to act like it's for the kids. You know that, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was just me.

[H. Foley]

I was Klondike bars back, fatty.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was flying solo, Dolo. Really? Yeah. Get out of the house. God damn fucking.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean flying solo, Dolo?

[Kevin Ryan]

I went to the store by myself.

[H. Foley]

Of course. I thought you meant like she was.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. So it's like. I mean like I'm not. I can't. I'm not acting like whatever. I'm buying. All right, listen. It's buying a lot of breakfast meat. Two dozen eggs. Because we just go through eggs. I do. I do three a day. I don't miss breakfast.

[H. Foley]

It's okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing three a day. Plus she'll do something. You're looking at five a day. Two days in, you're out of. You're out of a duck. Two days in. Five a day.

[H. Foley]

You got two left.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got two left.

[H. Foley]

That's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck it, dude. I had one left the other day. I almost cried so mad.

[H. Foley]

What do you do with one?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I got. I. Dude, I open it up, I.

[H. Foley]

Go hard boil it and throw it in the yard.

[Kevin Ryan]

I already. I already had the pork roll going. I. Rookie mistake. I already had the pork roll going.

[H. Foley]

We got one sandwich out of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean what are we doing here? What are we doing? Whatever.

[H. Foley]

So let's got you down, big guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

You guys.

[H. Foley]

And you stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome.

[H. Foley]

Sitting in this house with one egg.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like a. Yikes exposed.

[H. Foley]

I'll crack that on your for.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meanwhile your friends are ignoring your calls and doing fake voices. Who the hell is this? You're asking for 35 grand for just five easy payments.

[H. Foley]

So do you have one egg in the house?

[Kevin Ryan]

So I'm buying. I buy a thing of pork roll and I buy A thing of. I got a balance. I can't do pork roll every day, so I buy a thing of turkey. They boar's head. Pre made turkey salt like they're patties. Turkey sausage. Okay, I'm gonna go. One day pork roll, one day turkey sauce, one day pork, one day on, one day off.

[H. Foley]

What would you say for them?

[Kevin Ryan]

One day for me.

[H. Foley]

What would you say? The increase. If I had a. If I had a chart, what would that look like for your intake of pork roll? When I'm in the burbs versus the last six months?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's high.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I can't get it in New York. You gotta. It doesn't cross the bridge. I don't have to tell you. You gotta go to Jersey, get goddamn pork rolls.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, back in baby's arms, huh? Do the little snips around it too, so it don't bubble up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do one big cut the Pac man, turn them into Pac Man's.

[H. Foley]

Except you're the one eating that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm the ghost coming in to get.

[H. Foley]

You a couple set of eyeballs coming in.

[Kevin Ryan]

The red ghost. So I got a pack of pork roll, all right? A pack screaming at me, turn him.

[H. Foley]

Down a little bit, will you? I got a pack of pork roll.

[Kevin Ryan]

Still upset about that one egg business.

[H. Foley]

Yelling at the cops outside during a standoff in the grocery store. All I got was a pack of pork roll and a helicopter. Everybody walks out of here. Jesus Christ. The hell was in that coffee this morning? And I got you another one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Non sequential turkey sausage, stat. I just want to talk to my kid. I just want to talk to my boy. Hey, buddy, it's me. I don't know where this all went wrong.

[H. Foley]

Send the boar said driver in here. I want a boar's head truck stacked to the gills. No cheese. All right. So you go to the grocery store. You're buying out. Listen, I'm here. Sure, you're buying a lot of breakfast meats.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm buying two, dude, I think two things of breakfast meats. Two things.

[H. Foley]

Eggs, okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's.

[H. Foley]

Any bread, anything like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

A roll of Philadelphia thing of Philadelphia cream cheese. Tub of Philadelphia cream cheese.

[H. Foley]

Who's that for?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's for the house. She likes it. I like it.

[H. Foley]

What do you put it on? I thought you were off the carbs.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a lot of questions.

[H. Foley]

What are you putting it on?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

What are you doing with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Put a little. My hair after a long day of work.

[H. Foley]

Cures the split ends. What are you doing with the Philadelphia cream Cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

She likes it.

[H. Foley]

She likes it.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's she putting it on, a baguette? Anything she puts in a lot of stuff. Well, you want to know what I do?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I want to know what you do. I'd like to know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think the people out there deserve an answer. I. She buys that. That German fit. It's called fitness bread.

[H. Foley]

I know it well.

[Kevin Ryan]

She buys that.

[H. Foley]

You toast that up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't toast it. What?

[H. Foley]

You're eating that real raw dog in that. That's like wet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ew. I like a soggy bottom.

[H. Foley]

Are you kidding me? Oh, that's gross, man. That shit's like smushed in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's nice.

[H. Foley]

You got to put that in the freezer afterwards too.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy. Listen, you're not toasting that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I don't think. No, I don't think it's supposed to be toasted.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You give that two runs in the toaster, it comes out. That's crispy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild.

[H. Foley]

Real good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like it. I like that. It keeps me regular.

[H. Foley]

For where I'm sitting. Gets a bit of a freak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I take that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Light smear of the cream cheese to two slices of pork roll and then my eggies over top of that.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that's what you do?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I do. Oh, that's not bad.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's my carbs for the day, for the most part.

[H. Foley]

Well, I would say bread for the day. I would say there's no shame in that order by any stretch of the imagination. You go into the self checkout.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't go to the self checkout. I went to the fucking.

[H. Foley]

They probably thought you were a muscle guy. Would you just start working out? That's a lot of protein.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy. Hit me with. Someone really likes breakfast, huh? Someone really likes breakfast, huh? Dude, I almost slapped the out of this guy. Someone in front of this hot mom who was behind me.

[H. Foley]

You wanted to make do you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You like your scrambies? Oh, little kippy like his. I didn't know. I wanted to call the manager and say. You let your guys talk to people like this, so.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I like breakfast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I got two kids at home.

[Kevin Ryan]

One. And they can't eat eggs. Strictly milk diet, man. Someone really. I wanted to go you out. Is that what you're saying to people? Huh? Every day someone buys cucumbers. I just got you a bit of a freak. You know, someone's doing it.

[H. Foley]

Nobody likes us up there. That's right. Got me dead the right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I was shocked. Whoa. I wouldn't stand for it, man.

[H. Foley]

You get bitched out. Hey, for the king of the burbs. A lot of people taking shots at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, listen, there was something wrong with them. I didn't want to, you know, I. I don't want to stand my ground.

[H. Foley]

Why'd you respond?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm having people over.

[H. Foley]

Actually have family in town.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, yeah, man.

[H. Foley]

That's right, dickhead. Uh huh huh. What's the cream cheese for? What? However. Uncrustables, the chips, all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think anybody thinks it's for you. Especially at 36. They're gonna assume you're get. You're buying that for kids, maybe, but.

[H. Foley]

Still, just so he knows, you don't gotta have any qualms about that. You go to the. That's what the self checkout is for. For everybody to mind their own fucking business.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Don't worry about what I'm getting to avoid that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Imagine if he was going through there with the uncrustables and the fucking chips.

[Kevin Ryan]

A pedophile, huh? Yeah. What creep.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You don't need that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

So I'm with it. You go to the self checkout. Hopefully you don't need them to call you over. You need to call anybody over for anything.

[Kevin Ryan]

For the key.

[H. Foley]

Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need an override. Mayday. Oh, God.

[H. Foley]

Great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Cosmic King. $10 Kohl's cash investor. Never had one.

[H. Foley]

We doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

How far is too far to walk with an untied shoe? That's a great question. That is a great. I don't like my sh. I don't like it touching stuff. So, like the second I see it. But it also depends. I'm slimming down a little bit. It depends. When I was bigger, I don't would. And it depends on what kind of jeans I had on, what kind of shirt combo I'd have to. Might have to get my foot up on something. So I, you know, the closest fire hydrant step, curb, something tire, but as soon as possible. I don't like that Dragon man. Nothing was worse than, like a wet shoe lay.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah, that's the. I don't really like it either or prefer it. But that's a do or die situation. I'm out in the streets.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you a tough guy?

[H. Foley]

I'm saying if I'm out in the streets and my shoelace comes untied, I need specific parameters to be Able to tie that shoe. I need some type of balance. I need a. I need. I need something high. Something high. Fire hydrant, sometimes a little too high. Then you can.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fire hydrant isn't that high, and you.

[H. Foley]

Can slip off of it. Then you're. Then you're looking at a fall. And then with the untied shoelace, you're looking at twisting the ankle, rolling the ankle. Then you're falling into the street, maybe in a puddle or getting squashed by a dump truck or something like that, which.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fingers crossed.

[H. Foley]

We don't want that. I would probably. What's the longest? Couple miles, buddy. Yeah. I let it go. I let it go. That's it. You get. Listen, you fucked up. You came untied, all right? When we left, you were tied. Everybody keep their shit together and we're not gonna have a problem. You're the one that fucked up, not me. That's on the shoelace. I'm not bending down a tire.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but there's something about an adult with an untied shoe that you're like. Yeah, Sam Rubinoff, our buddy and opener. Habitual untied shoe guy.

[H. Foley]

And you're like, me. Makes it work, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

He does. It's part of his. It's part of his eccentric genius. Yeah. Frantic kind of mumbling guy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. But it's like seeing Einstein with, like, a stain on his shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Like a stack of papers, you know? But. Yeah, I mean, like, at some point you go, like, what is going. You gotta. You gotta. I've had a bad set of laces where you're like. This left shoe just won't stay tied.

[H. Foley]

Remember the ones that they gave you on. You get them with boots? Sometimes they were. They were more round. It was like tying licorice.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's feeling the knot when you made it go, dad, that didn't bite. This thing ain't holding that. Got no teeth in it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, fuck that, huh? Yeah. Listen, I know that's a bad look, a fat guy walking down the street with one untied shoelace, but it's also a bad look. You know, people watching a fat guy trying to tie his shoes, trying to tie your shoe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, you're damned if you do, you're damned if you don't. Yeah, tough life.

[H. Foley]

I get old people going, I can hardly bend over to fucking bitch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm 98 years old.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I say. I say a mile.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. I mean, one mile, easy. One mile, 20 minutes.

[H. Foley]

You're going, oh, easy, twats all. That is 20 minutes. Four miles. I'm not tying it till I get home. Or I can take. Or I'm at a spot where I can take my shoe off, tie it and then put it back on. That's what I prefer like a lady.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, fair enough.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you asked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Four miles, 100 miles. This is another fact, guy. This is from Chad. $10 stogie. Is it garbage away or big enough belt buckle on suit pants to cover up the fact that. That they don't actually button? Buddy, that is a fat kid move right there. Love that. Never. I mean, most of my dress pants and. Or khakis, which were dress pants, never closed. I would go on job interviews. I had this big. I think I got it at Express when I was, you know, fucking in college. And a big square black belt buckle saved your life? Not too big. And it was all black. So like you couldn't see it. Like it just. But I mean, covered enough real estate for a bad zipper, a bad button, a bad clip.

[H. Foley]

Did me wonders walking around Santa's about hose. Hose hoes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello.

[H. Foley]

That doesn't work for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

If it don't button, I'm fucked. They slide down anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you got no ass.

[H. Foley]

And the zipper start. The zipper starts coming off. Had a situation. I think that's tall.

[Kevin Ryan]

A bad zipper's tough to Sunday or.

[H. Foley]

Saturday or Friday where one day. I can't remember one day this weekend. You know those thin polo shorts I have? Their dress pants are Polo. Polo brand, not Polo style. Polo brand.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are polo style shorts?

[H. Foley]

No, Polo brand, not polo style. I don't know. I just want you like a little gauge dxl. They're old as shit. They're really thin.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, money bags. No one thinks you're like. You're not. You're not. You're not separating yourself from the common man because you have an old pair of polo shorts from. From the Big and Tall store.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking dad. Hey, guys. Daddy Warbucks over here.

[H. Foley]

I didn't get him at the Big and Tall store.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where'd you get them?

[H. Foley]

Tall and big.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big and big. Big and bigger. That should be in.

[H. Foley]

God damn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why doesn't anybody have that big.

[H. Foley]

Is that my Big and Tall joke? I went to Big and Bigger.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck.

[H. Foley]

Get those cameras.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big and Biggest.

[H. Foley]

Now you pushed it anyway. Pop the button. Bing. Yeah. Not popped it. I. I ripped it. I'd rather not get into details, but I ripped the button. Button ripped off. All right. When I was tying it, after I peed it, I ripped it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were tying it after You. What are you tying.

[H. Foley]

Put it together. Button in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

The button fell off, and, man, I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where were you?

[H. Foley]

It's getting in an Uber.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. To go home.

[H. Foley]

I had to go home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shut it down, buddy. It's like one flip stepped in, dog.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You got your phone, your wallet in there? That shit's he.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I'm holding it up. Walking down the hallway, doing a little crab walk, trying to get in the house. That's the goddamn button ripped off.

[Kevin Ryan]

The tough look.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I've had tougher. Plus, my shoe was untied. Kip, I got to talk to you about man, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to that man, though.

[H. Foley]

Have I been kicking a little bit?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not. I should. You have not.

[H. Foley]

Because I'm at that age. I'm at that, you know, like, the way I'm eating. If I don't use man, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keeping your pores. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

But the mando's fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I get it in all the little nooks and crannies in the crevices. I even put a little bit behind my ears, and it keeps me fresh all day long. I'm telling you right now, gang, it's still the summer, all right?

[Kevin Ryan]

You ain't lying.

[H. Foley]

If you're going back to school, if you got to get back into the office after vacation or they're cracking down on the working from home and you got to go in. Can't sit around in your underwear anymore. You got to put on a shirt, you got to put on a tie. You got to look presentable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Do yourself a favor. You want to feel fresh all day? Let's say you just got to drive to work or walk to work or take the bus to work or whatever. When you get there, it get puts.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a little musty sometimes. You got an hour commute. You got a train, you got a bus, you got a date, you got a that. You got a carpool. Listen. Block odor all day and control odor up for 72 hours. It was created by a doctor who saw firsthand how normal BO Is being misdiagnosed and mistreated. All products are baking soda free. It's proven to troll odor better than a shower with soap alone. Twelve hours after a shower, the average man's grundle odor level is a 5 out of 10. With Mando 12. 0.

[H. Foley]

Out of pushing it, I got 45 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

So Mando starter pack is perfect for new customers. It comes with a solid stick deodorant, a cream tube deodorant, and two free products of your Choice like the mini body wash and deodorant wipes. I'm a deodorant wipes man. We keep them in here. And free shipping as a special offer for our listeners. New customers get 20% off site wide with our exclusive code. Use code [e-mail] for 20 off site Y + free shipping. S-H-O-P M A N D O.com Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Mando's got you covered. Protect your pants from smart. Start smelling great. Are you feeling more fulfilled now that.

[H. Foley]

You'Re back to work this Friday? No, I need a vacation. See the movie that critics are saying is an awesome. Look at that crowd pleasing, fist pumping all out brawl of a film.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're right about that.

[H. Foley]

They're coming after our family. Go fix this. Oh my. Nobody 2, rated R. Only in theaters Friday.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's from all the toast. Is it garbage to go to a restaurant, sit at the bar, place a takeout order and see how many pops you can get in before the order is ready.

[H. Foley]

That's a way to do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't believe I've never done that. Really, I've. I've never gone in and ordered takeout. I've always been like on my way home and been like, ah, call ahead. At least get that five, ten minutes in.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I'm not sitting around like a schmuck. That's brilliant.

[H. Foley]

That's living. Guys are living. I would never have the. I would never think to do that. I always be rushing around. Whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I love that.

[H. Foley]

I was in a situation.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing but time.

[H. Foley]

I was waiting. Waiting for a couple of people for dinner. Not that long ago I got there early. I'm standing outside like a jerk off short.

[Kevin Ryan]

That you are.

[H. Foley]

Yes. I look inside, perfectly good bar. Sitting there. I'm like, I should go in and sit at the bar and have a drink and wait for them like a gentleman.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Why didn't you?

[H. Foley]

I didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's always. That's like I want them to be late or me to be 15 minutes early. Go in there, get a cocktail, get a lay to land. Oh, no, I had this. That I don't like. Go. I don't like entering a vibe that's already been vibing. You come to me. Let me get in there. Hey, this is Johnny. Here you go. You grease him real quick. Bada bing, bada boom. You're fucking Johnny. Cool guy. That's how Kippy stays cool. Take it from me. I'm cool. Kippy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I just didn't have the.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild to me.

[H. Foley]

Wasn't relaxed enough to do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'd be chyer. Stand on the corner like a fucking. Like you're selling dime bags. That's crazy. Now you go in, you get a listen. We move through this world a lot together. We're fucking besties. We're a lock step 90% of the time. 10 of the time, you're fucking bonker.

[H. Foley]

I was meeting people I didn't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

All the more reason to take the freaking edge.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, well.

[Kevin Ryan]

And also, dude, what energy do you want? I'm the guy at the bar shooting with the bartender or the guy cranking heaters out front like the feds are storming.

[H. Foley]

Wasn't smoking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just saying. That's. That's smoker vibes.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild that you would choose to do that. I'm a big bar guy, love the bar. But this idea, great. That's like, man, I got two to three hours. The problem with me is if I'm having a couple of beers, it's a wash. Then like, I can't do nothing. Some guys can have a couple of beers and then like I'm gonna. It's five o'. Clock. I'm like, I gotta take a nap or I gotta turn this thing on.

[H. Foley]

Keep drinking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So it's like I've never been like the one. I wish I could. I'd be having a beer right now and just. Just, you know, I can go on my day, but I. I'm not that. I get.

[H. Foley]

Just chill. I wish a couple of beers did it for me. Believe me. I wish. I wish. I know a couple of beers and a salad did it for me, but it don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Buddy, we are far from don't.

[H. Foley]

Okay? It's just the way it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

It don't. That we're just getting. You're opening up the Bombay doors now either fucking turn your key, drop the bombs.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the fuck we doing here? Is pack our bags and go home, boys.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

War's over. No, I agree.

[H. Foley]

It is what it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I like that. That is a gentleman.

[H. Foley]

But this you're having a couple of pops takeouts gonna come, you're gonna go home, you're gonna feed the family. Probably knocking off. You know what I mean? You're sitting on the couch, you're watching a movie. Can I ask you Chilling out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why not just do it there?

[H. Foley]

Do what? They're.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why not just eat there? That's to Me, I'd go, let's go sit at the bar. What are you talking about? What do you mean? You love sitting at the bar.

[H. Foley]

I love sitting at the bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So why'd you give me that look like.

[H. Foley]

But he's getting. I assume he's getting takeout for the family. I'll go pick up. There you go. You guys, I don't think.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't. I didn't interpret that at all, you.

[H. Foley]

Know, Be a good place to do that. The old Scooj over Flower Town. They got a nice bar over there. Get in there. Oh, nice and separate. Nice and cool. Probably nice. Saturday, Notre Dame games on Penn State. Whatever. Wait till you get there. What do you guys want? I'm picking up dinner. Scoochies. Sit there. A couple of fucking Lowen Browns.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does feel a little alcoholic, though, too, because you're like, I'm popping in. The kids are at home. I'm. It feels sneaky that way to me.

[H. Foley]

What. Who. Who. Who said that?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yep.

[H. Foley]

Excuse me.

[Kevin Ryan]

It feels like. Not you. I'm just saying it feel like. I don't. Let's. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. Let's all go. Go have drinks. Go get fucked up. Mom's driving home.

[H. Foley]

Say, an alcoholic. He's talking. Said that. You bringing up old shit?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

The fuck out of here. Hey, we're not having mixed drinks. Talking about beers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying. Listen, I'm. I like to have drinks and fully enjoy it. I don't want to have one or two and then have to drive. I will go. If I'm drinking, I'm going to dinner and getting fucked up.

[H. Foley]

Now, that's alcoholic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hand to God. What are we doing here? You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

You don't like the sneaky. I like the sneaky.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sneaking. No, I don't like. Yeah. Now I don't listen. Nobody. I come from, nobody sneaks drinks in my. If you're drinking, it's. Why the fuck didn't you let me know we're drinking? That's where I come from. No one's ever been like, he's having beer. That's not a. So there's no. There's no need to hide it. Mm. Growing up, everybody. Most people drink every day. Glass of Nisi wine. You know, a couple beers. Happy hour.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

But there was never any need to hide it, which I. So that says, like, that's what I don't get. But, hey, to each their own.

[H. Foley]

I'm down with the Idea.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it. I love it. That's great.

[H. Foley]

When you get there to give yourself a little time.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what he said.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You sit, order, order. I would, but then that's.

[H. Foley]

That's living.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it.

[H. Foley]

It's classy. I'm just going sitting and relaxing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd have it there though. Get the meal.

[H. Foley]

He's got the kids at home.

[Kevin Ryan]

We don't know that. You're assuming that that's all I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

I need more information.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Because as much as I admit it. Yeah. If you're solo, Sydney's at the bar. I never know what's gonna happen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Love it.

[H. Foley]

Me too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Should be a bar. It's a restaurant. That's just the bar. Be a bunch of different bars.

[H. Foley]

Eat at the bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good.

[H. Foley]

Just eat at the bar. Yeah, eat at the bar. Nice. One or two other people or by yourself?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, dude. That was. That was one of my favorite things. And I used to have to Airbnb my apartment out.

[H. Foley]

There's something mysterious about the. The guy eating at the bar by himself too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody's like, he's either fucking doing well, I can go out and spend fucking whatever, or I'm doing bad.

[H. Foley]

Either way you don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Either way, you don't know. And I'm fine with that because I was always doing bad. I just rented my Airbnb. I just rented my apartment out on Airbnb to make money. And I'd go sleep at my buddy's house in the Bronx and I would fucking. I'd go get a huge. I'd go to this place called Buddha Bar on. Is it called Buddha? I think it was called Buddha Bar on fucking Broadway. All the way up in the Heights, across from Locksmith. Great burger till turn into a nightclub.

[H. Foley]

Locksmith or the Buddha Bar locksmith. Locksmith was a bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Locksmith was a small burger bar. They were great. And then they kept. They started getting good. They started buying up next door, Next door, next door. And now it's like. It's like a fucking nightclub. I went in there one night, I was like fucking, you know, with your.

[H. Foley]

Newspaper and your reading glasses, trying to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have a quiet dinner, looking for a quiet burger bar.

[H. Foley]

But it's always go to. You go. You go to a nice bar, nice bar and restaurant earlier. You know what I mean? You're starting to get going. There's always like a middle aged guy. It was me sitting at the bar, which. I'm a middle aged guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm always give me technical middle age.

[H. Foley]

I mean A guy that I would. My age, like a, like a 49, 50 year old successful guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Person about 45 to 65. There you go. Middle age.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're middle aged, man.

[H. Foley]

How come I look at other people like they're older though?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because you're very immature and you were Arrested Development and I would say probably nine years old. And you then you were telling us. I.

[H. Foley]

Never mind.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were telling a story before this where you referred to a guy as the dad, but you said yes, the dad.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You weren't. You were explaining, you were explaining them like dad vibe. You're both middle aged guys and you referred to him as the dad.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. So anyway, a guy my age, but better sitting at a, sitting at a bar having like a full meat, like a, like a dinner, like the. Ordering the pork chops. You got balls. You're ordering the pork.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you. I see that in the burbs. I love it.

[H. Foley]

Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I would go to, I'd go to boot. I'd order a huge. They had nachos this high as the. A mountain of nachos. And I just gotten into laganitas. And this is completely different by the way.

[H. Foley]

Why you're sitting there with a goose island and a laganita plate of trash can nachos, dirt bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. Well, I was so broke.

[H. Foley]

I've ever seen you eat nachos.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was so broke. There's nothing bad. That was like the height of being adult and having money to me.

[H. Foley]

What nachos?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Dude, that was like I could sit here for hours. Well, this is.

[H. Foley]

Drinking an ipa, screaming.

[Kevin Ryan]

At that pilsner, that swill you're drinking. So what happened was fucked up. In two minutes I'd be jammed up on. I saw. I would Airbnb in my apartment out on the weekends to cover rent and I'd go stay at my buddy's place, right? But he wouldn't be back from work until like 7 or 8. Check in would be like 3 or 4. So these people would come stay my. Come to Casa de Kippy. Check in at 3 or 4. I'd have my lug my bag for the weekend.

[H. Foley]

Oh, they think you're traveling somewhere. Where are you off to this weekend? The Heights.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was going to the Bronx. Yeah, my, my boy was living in the Bronx. Oh yeah, right.

[H. Foley]

Oh my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right over the one train.

[H. Foley]

I remember picking you up up there probably.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Remember they're dropping me off by the on ramp. It was like he lived.

[Kevin Ryan]

He lived right, right by the highway, right by the What? Is that 87 or whatever, man.

[H. Foley]

Luke, you've never seen trash on the sidewalks like this. This was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it. Is it not a great part of town? Was Buddha Bar by 184th Street? No. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Wasn't the Village.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it would have been like, by 190 or something. Okay, 191, 190. There's not two on Broadway. It's across from Locksmith. Either way, we're getting bondage. I told you.

[H. Foley]

A club.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a club now.

[H. Foley]

Okay, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So that the second they checked in, I would get paid.

[H. Foley]

Oh, shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would get the whole check at 3pm in your account. In my account or in my PayPal, which I take the fucking 3% automatic transfer. I'm rich. Course I'm rich. I mean, I think I was renting it out for like 80 bucks a night. Maybe 90 something on the weekend. Keep it under. Keep. I kept it under 100 because that's how people would sort of. You know what I mean? Marketing genius back then, too. Under night, I keep it like 99. On the weekends, I would get. So they check in like Thursday, Friday, Saturday. That's 3, 400 bucks I'm getting with a. However long the stay is in my account. Bing. Pow. Right away. So now I'm at Buddha Bar.

[H. Foley]

I'll take those nachos now.

[Kevin Ryan]

300 bucks. Can't tell me shit. Wait, I got.

[H. Foley]

I got three, four IPAs and nachos.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got three, four hours to kill before my boy gets off work.

[H. Foley]

Was a roller bag before your flight to the Caribbean is where you're going?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And I would also just tell. Sometimes he'd hit me up, yo, I'm done. I'm at like, head up. And I'd go, I'm at Buddha with my fucking nose wide open. Come down, come on down. We get all fucked up at Buddha. Yeah, it was great.

[H. Foley]

Heading to the islands for the weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, the Bronx.

[H. Foley]

Would you wear. Would you wear, like, vacation type clothes?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I wouldn't. I think I would tell them no. I think I would lie and say I'm staying with my girlfriend.

[H. Foley]

You had a girlfriend at the time?

[Kevin Ryan]

I did. I did. I did have a girlfriend at the time.

[H. Foley]

You did have a girlfriend at the time?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, my wife.

[H. Foley]

She lived in Germany.

[Kevin Ryan]

She lived in Germany, Right. Well, that was.

[H. Foley]

Was that the girlfriend you were saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

I wasn't. I wasn't.

[H. Foley]

Okay. I just said it was downtown.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm going to say with my girlfriend. Lives in the neighborhood, actually. So I'll be around if you need me to who? To the people staying there.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I thought you meant to the fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

The bartender. But I talked to the bartender. Well, I remember this one. Bra was hit, was all over me. He's a singer. Invited me to do her show.

[H. Foley]

Ah, you suckers probably bring her. She need bodies. She don't want your jalapeno breath.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't and I did. I do the nachos with no hollows.

[H. Foley]

Too spicy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not. I'm not a grown up.

[H. Foley]

Put the icky green things on the side.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, thank you. I'm flicking them.

[H. Foley]

I don't like pickles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pickles make my mouth hurt like Ralph Wiggum.

[H. Foley]

These pickles are spicy. Hey, steak, mild salsa.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember genuinely being like, I am a grown up.

[H. Foley]

IPAs, conducting business.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I would just go and get.

[H. Foley]

Like, you're a landlord at that point. You're a fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, sure man. Yeah. How many times did five story walk up?

[H. Foley]

Did you. Did you ever cross the line of your profit margin for like what you needed for the rent? As far as what you spent on the nachos and the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no. I mean, I was always. I only did it for a cut. I would do it for probably 400 bucks. It would be like a four day stay. I wasn't doing it for $180.

[H. Foley]

I'm big on that. I'll do something to save the day and then blow it right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, man.

[H. Foley]

Fucking stupid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. I mean, yeah, I still do that. Of like we, you know, we go do something where it makes. I go make this much and I'm like, well, I was fucking. I didn't need to know. I didn't need to do that.

[H. Foley]

No, of course not. No need to get into detail.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I mean, we do it as a business all the time. All the time. We do it as a business. I don't. The fact that we've stayed in business, I think is a. With how poorly decisions we've made on spending money to do stuff, I think is a testament since 2020 to how I don't always need the wagyu.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy.

[H. Foley]

Think he'd pick up a check every once in a while.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, right? Daddy Warbucks over there. I don't see him eating nachos. Airbnb in his place. Out.

[H. Foley]

Never. You kidding me?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the height of wealth, though. What? Not just an ipa.

[H. Foley]

I was probably on a Saturday, Thursday.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I was probably 20, 27, 28. It was probably 10 years ago.

[H. Foley]

Chatting up the bartender, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, who else am I gonna talk to? I got nothing but time.

[H. Foley]

Now were you telling her that you were seeing your girlfriend or did you make up a better lie? The hot bartender that was, that was a singer.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't tell her I'm in town. She did ask why I had luggage. So my place is being fumigated. Is that what you idiot.

[H. Foley]

I got bedbugs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I stay here. Please. No, but I just remember because like we could never, you know, as you.

[H. Foley]

Know, it could have worked. I just got kicked out. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What time do you get done? I'll hang out. I gotta change your clothes. I brought you my teeth in the bathroom.

[H. Foley]

You got the bag on the board. Well, for us switching into your happy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hour gear to eat, to drink at a place that we didn't have an in at was, you know, pretty big then to sit at a bar and order a. Whatever, you know, with an open tab. Yeah. Leave it open.

[H. Foley]

But you don't know how that's really gonna work out.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did, I did have confidence that. In that until that next banking day I was pretty flush because that PayPal automatic transfer just hit. So I would know that's in there. I got three, four out of three, four hunge. I can get myself out of this pinch. And also worst case scenario, I got my boy to guy, you know, come get me out of a pinch.

[H. Foley]

True.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, a little bit cash.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh man. The good old days.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Well, height of wealth.

[Kevin Ryan]

I still, I still feel there's a thing about. Like this is gonna take time. Right. I'm not here for just a burger. And I could be here for two, three hours. And I don't know how much. I don't know how many beers this is gonna take. I don't know who I'm gonna bump into. I don't know if this bartender is really a singer or not. You know what I mean? I don't know if my boys.

[H. Foley]

Your whole day's in front of you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got it's question mark.

[H. Foley]

The possibilities of New York City.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Are at your fingertips.

[Kevin Ryan]

And that's, you know, could go one.

[H. Foley]

Way, could go the other. Might just be nachos and beers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember being so full and so sick though. There was so many nachos. Dude. Being so full and them heavy ass beers.

[H. Foley]

Kind of limits. I can't really make out with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wasn't trying to make out with her. She was trying to get me to come to her show.

[H. Foley]

Bring her. Was it that night?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

You're in there with your luggage.

[Kevin Ryan]

I Know the singer.

[H. Foley]

Stink. Ah, shout out to him, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out. This is from poopychris10, homie. Not showing off or nothing. Never have one red. Is it trashy to have your appliances, I. E. The toaster, air fryer, etc, Permanently on the counter? That's all I know.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Air fryer, of course. That's totally okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think toaster I. Putting anything away is crazy to me.

[H. Foley]

Wait, the toaster. Toaster that stays on the counter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everything stays on the. We never growing up. We never put. Unless you was like something that you use once every. The blender maybe went under.

[H. Foley]

Oh, the blender went under.

[Kevin Ryan]

Unless it was fucking daiquiri.

[H. Foley]

The blender and the thing that my mom would cook pancakes on which she had like a hot plate.

[Kevin Ryan]

The griddle.

[H. Foley]

Yes. It was a plug in. Big griddle. Yeah. That got put away with the cookie sheets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think the height of wealth would be to have a hot griddle like they have at a deli at all times. Yeah, Just go crack some scrambies, throw in some pork roll.

[H. Foley]

A lot of things. Now, they do have that in the middle.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but I want it hot all time. That takes a while to heat up. You're better off just doing a pan then. It's not fun. I want to act like I'm fucking.

[H. Foley]

You know, Want to clean it with that big thing. At the end of the day, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don'T want to do that.

[H. Foley]

Vinegar on there. I used to love doing that then hitting it with ice. Oh, it's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

But yeah, that's what you don't.

[H. Foley]

You don't put the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't put anything away.

[H. Foley]

You don't move the toaster. You move the toaster. All the crumbs are getting everywhere. Then you're putting crumbs in the fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cabinet so the mice get you.

[H. Foley]

Set a. Mice get you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

My comfort. We never put any of that away. All that was out air fryer for sure.

[H. Foley]

Leave out toaster for sure. Leave out toaster oven. 100% leave it out.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were only a toaster oven family.

[H. Foley]

You want to keep that fucking. If you got one of those KitchenAid things to look sharp, leave that out too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Looks like you got a little bit of cash.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

The mixing bowl.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Everything for everything for us daily. Yeah. I'm out. We're an out household, baby. We're out of the closet and we're loving everything.

[H. Foley]

My mom unplugs everything.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I mean, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Plugs the toaster drives me nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get in there. Fucking try to drop some fucking toasties.

[H. Foley]

First fire gates. Fucking thing ain't working. Plug it in. Fuck. You didn't say something. Good thing that butter's right. There sure be a fucking problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

Speaking of butter, this is from great name, the Turtonator. Classy or trashy? When buttering corn on the cob, my family heavily butters a hot dog bun and spins the corn in the bun to cover the whole thing. It's very efficient, but it's communal, so it's a little gross.

[H. Foley]

But if you're not biting it, it doesn't matter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but I guess if everybody's holding a lot of hands in and around, I could maybe see that. But I think you're splitting hairs. And also at any time I'm eating corn on the cob, I'm having some beers. So at that point, I don't care about the germs.

[H. Foley]

Usually you take. You could take a whole stick of butter and you could just roll the corn on the cob on top and.

[Kevin Ryan]

That, like gets a groove in there. We never did that. I. You take the stick of butter and you hold it like a pencil kind of, and you go up and down on that.

[H. Foley]

I like the. I like the hot dog bun, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's pretty good. We were always just like a pat of butter and then like, you know, just kind of make it work. We never had any fucking sweet tricks.

[H. Foley]

Remember we got those fucking corn on the cob, Jones, Man, I thought I was living in the future. Fucking jab those. They were sharp as shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I called my wife doing the other day.

[H. Foley]

She's.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's been big on corn on the cob for some reason.

[H. Foley]

It's summertime. She's in the suburbs. She knows what's up. She loves fresh fruit and fresh vegetables.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you marrying us broad?

[H. Foley]

No, but I know she appreciates that kind of stuff. She likes in season stuff. Farmers. Munchklassy broad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. So I don't even know where we got these things. They must have been a gift or she buys shit at fucking Amazon.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the place with all the trash?

[H. Foley]

Target Home goods.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, home goods. Target's a fine establishment. You know what you're getting? Home goods.

[H. Foley]

Love the toy section at Target. It's the only one that really league keeps up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Honestly, they got a good baby section too. They got everything. Because all those baby stores closed. Like all the big boxes, they got it. They got a nice set. Everything you need there, they got it. But they got the good brands, the bad brand. They got it all. Kind of got you soup, the nuts. It's the only reason I go there. She got, like, a cheese board. It would be like what you put on a charcuterie board, but they're utensils for cheese. There's like, a little cheese knife. There's like, a way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's hoity toity to me. I didn't know what it was until she made a.

[H. Foley]

You eating cereal with it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, she uses the. The prong for. She uses, like, those things to eat the corn. Oh, it's not.

[H. Foley]

They're not corn on the cob things.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. There's a cut cheese and, like, you know. I know. She's kooky, Patooky. She is a very.

[H. Foley]

What are you doing? Boiling the corn.

[Kevin Ryan]

She boils the corn?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's good. You can eat it raw.

[Kevin Ryan]

What am I, Iroquois? Who's doing that? That's wild. Fucking. I got bad teeth as it is.

[H. Foley]

I got bad teeth.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I just. I just felt a crack in the one. Yeah. Yeah. It's up top.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's good. You should get that checked out, though.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got dental.

[H. Foley]

No, I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

We love you to death.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

See you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.