Breaking & Entering! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

ARE YOU GARBAGE? – Episode Summary
Episode: "Breaking & Entering! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"
Date: July 2, 2026
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
(Note: Family episode – no outside guest. Luke contributes as producer/fact-checker.)

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Episode Overview

This "family episode" of Are You Garbage? features hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley riffing without a guest, diving deep into their own lives, trashy habits, childhood memories, and classic “garbage” scenarios sent in by listeners. The conversation meanders through 90s TV nostalgia, apartment quirks, trauma bonding over shameful eating, dirtbag commiseration, and a medley of garbage hypotheticals, all anchored by their signature working-class Philly-comedy style.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Saved by the Bell & 90s TV (00:13 – 04:59)

• Nostalgic roast of Saved by the Bell: Foley claims he could "take" Mario Lopez’s A.C. Slater in a fight; Luke and Ryan strongly disagree.
  • Quote: “You're the only guy jealous of a fictional wrestler from fucking 1984.” – Ryan (03:03)
• Skewering themselves and the show’s tropes; who’d play what character if they were at Bayside High.
• Reflection on being kids in the era—even minor details (Ms. Bliss, family dynamics).

Peculiar Apartment Habits & Breaking & Entering (06:18 – 13:14)

• Ryan’s neighbor props their apartment door open at night for air flow—seen as absolutely deranged.
  • Quote: “I could walk in there and stand over you while you're sleeping.” – Foley (08:11)
  • Follow-up: “That's what a real psycho does.” – Foley (08:26)
• Spirals into discussing cat burglars, voyeurs, and urban paranoia.
• Foley shares memories of similar habits from old neighbors (cracked doors while cooking, late-night jitters).

Family Shame, Night Eating, and Lunches (14:14 – 18:12)

• Q&A from Patreon: “Ever eat someone’s packed lunch in the house?” Both admit to shame-driven snack heists.
  • Quote: “When you're eating that you don't really enjoy it. It's more shame driven.” – Foley (15:24)
  • “When you get okay with the shame... Happiness is just a moment. It is.” – Ryan (15:41)
• Stories about stealing sisters’ lunches, using “bear bags” for snacks.
• Riffs on their moms’ (Denise & Patty) packed lunches, tired parents, and schoolyard food.

Moms Going Out: Trashy Childhood Memories (22:15 – 27:37)

• Foley and Ryan talk about their moms’ social lives, clubs, the mythic “Vader’s Bar and Grill,” and the cast of neighborhood characters.
  • Quote: “They want me posed up like this... probably be charging meet and greets. Sitting behind a kitchen table. 20 bucks, final picture with Foley.” – Ryan (46:18)
• Reflection on how different “going out” felt as a kid versus as an adult.

Parking Tickets, Philly Corruption, Justifying Crime (29:04 – 32:07)

• Listener question about parents justifying getting arrested, “Go arrest some real criminals on Wall Street!”—an all-time dirtbag rationalization.
  • Quote: “That’s a big one. Justifying your transgressions.” – Ryan (29:20)
• Spirals into Philly Parking Authority (PPA), parking tickets, reality TV (“Parking Wars”), and corruption.

Adult Injuries & Falling Down (32:45 – 37:03)

• Another question: “Ever fall out of a tree as an adult?” Both agree falls now are tragic, not funny.
  • Quote: “That's when you do realize... a fall, like, dude, you would have fallen down that step... you could have smashed your head...” – Ryan (33:15)
  • Foley details a bathroom near-death in Pittsburgh: “My head went right into that fucking sink.” (32:55)
• “Fat guy” injuries, their history of clumsy moments, and the humiliation of adult casts and sweats.

Dirtbag Bartering, Ferrets & Teacher Pets (49:39 – 52:35)

• Listener's dad bartered for payment post-2008: “$300 worth of shallots for a $200 cash job…”
  • Quote: “That’s a lot of... shitload. Yeah, kind of like good.” – Foley (50:34)
• On teacher with ferrets: “That is not a great school.” – Foley (51:46)
• Disdain for “rodent” pets; references to Kindergarten Cop.

Gambling, Poker Briefcases, and Card-Counting (52:36 – 57:00)

• Have they tried to learn to count cards? Ryan explains “the shoe,” Foley roasts him for it.
  • Foley: “Never heard anybody call it a shoe. I'm just saying you're kind of a dork for knowing that.” (53:37)
• The embarrassment of poker briefcases, compared to carrying chips in plastic bags.

Trashy Hospital Snacks (62:02 – 62:46)

• Final laugh: “What is the most garbage snack to have in a hospital?”
  • Quote: “A can of spray cheese at a hospital is wild.” – Ryan (62:25)
  • Foley: “Club crackers are so dressed.” (62:24)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On nostalgia:
  • “I’d beat up Screech, he beats my ass. No, I always liked that Mario Lopez. Straight shooter. Working all the time.” – Foley (02:14)
• Urban paranoia:
  • “I’m more scared of that. Someone just standing over watching me sleep and then leave.” – Foley (08:21)
• On shame-eating:
  • “You never get okay with the shame.” – Foley (15:40)
• On mother’s nightlife:
  • “Come see me at Vader’s!” – Foley (27:43)
• Philly corruption:
  • “It was so bad and so corrupt that they were like, let’s make a show on it.” – Ryan (30:44)
• Fat guy traumas:
  • “You get to the point where, like, is the blood pumping the right way? Is there a clot gonna form?” – Foley (36:46)
• On falling as an adult:
  • “You don't fall like you used to as a kid. No, sadder. So much sadder.” – Ryan (34:11)
• Trashy snack finale:
  • “Club crackers are so dressed.” – Foley (62:24)
  • “A can of spray cheese at a hospital is wild.” – Ryan (62:25)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Kickoff/Banter: 00:00–01:25
• Saved by the Bell discussion: 01:25–05:00
• Urban paranoia & neighbor’s door: 06:18–11:08
• Shame-eating/packed lunches: 14:14–18:12
• Moms “going out” & social clubs: 22:15–27:37
• Philly police/corruption: 29:04–32:07
• Adult falls and injuries: 32:45–37:03
• Bartering for payment: 49:39–51:01
• Teachers with ferrets: 51:32–52:35
• Gambling, card-counting, poker: 52:36–57:00
• Worst hospital snacks: 62:02–62:46

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Tone, Language & Atmosphere

• Unfiltered, blue-collar, Philly area banter
• Warm, self-deprecating, and calling out each others' nonsense
• Bouncing between open vulnerability (on shame, body image, family) and brash, affectionate roasting
• Frequent asides to Luke/fact-checker, in-jokes, and callbacks for Patreon listeners

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This episode is a perfect slice of the “Are You Garbage?” formula: two lifelong friends giving each other the business, sharing their most embarrassing blue-collar background stories, and riffing with the audience’s own dirtbag dilemmas – all while never missing a beat of candid, class-conscious comedy. Prepare for deep family tangents, relatable shame, Philly corruption lessons, door paranoia, and probably the filthiest hospital snack you never wanted described.

Transcript

[Foley]

Gang tooties, got a limited 4th of July drop coming at you. We got some nice T shirts. Show up to the barbecue looking fresh, clean and patriotic.

[Ryan]

Yeah, don't be a bozo. Available at rugarbage.com while supplies last.

[Foley]

Happy 4th of July. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Are you garbage? Hey, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy. Or if they're just a big old piece of chicken.

[Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Foley]

I'm your host. A trolley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Toady's in the new edition. She's upstairs making sweet, sweet love to the mailman. Okay, a classic Mike O's coming here. From across the table, we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. He is my best pal in the whole wide world. You know him, you love him. He's the king of the burbs, the king of the boards, the king of the one liners. Hiya, Henny, Ryan.

[Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always. Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing a friggin chart. How you done then? Obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that friggin bonus content. You got years upon years of stuff on there. Pay five bucks, you get ten. But listen, you go over there, you get a $10 level.

[Foley]

That's got a YG. The high school years over there, we were young, young kids.

[Ryan]

I got a big full fucking coif. Tedda hair in Ms. Bliss's class.

[Foley]

Ms. Bliss. That was her name.

[Ryan]

Who? No, it's from Saved by the Bell. Oh, you weren't a Saved by the Bell kid, were you?

[Foley]

No. Actually a little bit.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Foley]

I was about a teenager when that started.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that would have been, you know, I think, right in your wheelhouse. Yeah, I mean, I do. I think it might even been like.

[Foley]

I thought it was cheesy.

[Ryan]

Shh.

[Foley]

I'd have fucked those two up.

[Ryan]

Mm.

[Foley]

Took all them broads.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's what you would have done. I think it was. I think it was like 80 Mario Lopez. Yeah. What the fuck are you talking about?

[Luke]

He'd fuck you up, dude.

[Ryan]

I don't think there was a day in the. In the In. In the history where you could have beat him up.

[Foley]

Well, with that blonde headed kid, I could have took him.

[Luke]

Zack Morris, the coolest kid in school.

[Foley]

Yeah, I would want to.

[Ryan]

You're nuts.

[Luke]

He could freeze time. Yeah.

[Ryan]

No way you're getting invited to the toga party after that ain't no.

[Foley]

That's right. He could freeze time, couldn't he? That's pretty good. You don't think I'd be hanging out with them? I beat up Screech, he beats my ass. No, I always liked that Mario Lopez.

[Ryan]

Of course. How could you?

[Foley]

Straight shooter. Yeah, been working all time too.

[Ryan]

Fucking 40 year career, son.

[Foley]

That Access Hollywood, whatever it's called. Working the carpet, anchoring news magazines, they call it.

[Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Foley]

Broadcasting.

[Ryan]

You've just been saying one word. Anchoring. Hosting red carpet news broadcast.

[Foley]

He was a wrestler on that show, wasn't he? Yeah.

[Ryan]

He was also a pretty good chef. Learned that in home economics. He was a dancer. He played the drums.

[Foley]

California wrestling though. Give me a break.

[Ryan]

Yeah, huh. You're the only guy jealous of a fictional wrestler from fucking 1984.

[Foley]

Hit that tight little body.

[Luke]

Fictional. 15 year old.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Dude, you're crazy. Oh yeah. California wrestler. Now that's not even real wrestling.

[Foley]

I am crazy.

[Ryan]

Yeah, dude. My cousin, my cousin.

[Foley]

Why don't you guys just put me in a home?

[Ryan]

We've discussed it and we'll just. We'll make. Well, I'll have to. I'll have to get two rooms. You. A room you live in and then a room that will build the set in to make it look like this. And we'll take you. It's like a.

[Foley]

No, forget.

[Ryan]

It's like A Beautiful Mind. You'll be sending letters to yourself and shit.

[Foley]

You're real, right?

[Ryan]

What? I don't know. Sometimes I'm also. I'm also dabbling with the fact that.

[Foley]

Excuse me.

[Ryan]

The fact that once could all I get just lose grip of reality. Maybe this is all fake. I don't know. The simulation. My cousin texted me and I forgot about it. But he's like. Dude, I was running and I had to stop. I was dying. Laughing at. Fully making fun of people wearing their high school jersey. All while his is on display right behind him,

[Foley]

old number 62.

[Ryan]

62. And you think you'd take A.C. slater? You're nuts.

[Foley]

What was he.

[Ryan]

He did it all. What?

[Foley]

He was a running back, right?

[Ryan]

I think so. His dad was in the military. Moved around a lot. Tough upbringing. Guy probably slapped him around a little bit, you know what I mean? He Had a problem with the drink, I think.

[Foley]

He wasn't lifting those weights for fun.

[Ryan]

Nah, dude, he was fighting the fucking demons.

[Luke]

He was quarterback.

[Ryan]

Oh, yeah. Zach didn't play that.

[Foley]

Me and him would have been boys. I would have been his center, second string practice squad. He's leader. What's up, Molly?

[Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know where you would have fit in there. What? You weren't. You didn't really have. You didn't really have a home in. In Bayside High.

[Foley]

You don't think.

[Ryan]

Not really.

[Foley]

I'd have been the fun big guy.

[Luke]

Hey, you would have been a sad b plot of, like, you going home and, like, having a really sad family.

[Ryan]

Hey, man, you don't know. You're the guy that. We learned what a struggle really is.

[Foley]

Foley's little sister hits him.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

You don't know what somebody else is. You know what? You don't know what he's.

[Foley]

His home life's like.

[Ryan]

Or you'd be the guy selling fucking Jesse, the methamphetamines. I'm so excited. Getting all fucked up. You'd be the guy from the wrong side of the tracks, dude.

[Foley]

Is that who they have boosting cars? Where did she get that shit from?

[Ryan]

They were prescribed. They were like over the counter. Like, they were like caffeine pills or something. She got all. She was studying. She was burning a candle at both ends. That was a big one for. For drugs, for people our age. I'm so excited also too.

[Foley]

Like, next thing you know, it's.

[Ryan]

But the butt. What for?

[Foley]

Looking for a dream, which I just watched. You never saw that? Oh, my. Dude, that's a movie you only see once.

[Ryan]

I'll never go back. Too dark.

[Luke]

Too dark at like 9am Too dark.

[Foley]

Crazy.

[Ryan]

You guys doing pitch black?

[Foley]

I'm going to be on television.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I remember doing that. Like Hungover one day.

[Luke]

If you go to.

[Ryan]

It was like in college when you're like, finding yourself a little bit. You gotta watch it. Like, you know, you get a little art house, these kind of things. I'll stick to the rookie. Thanks a lot.

[Foley]

Had to watch Major Pain six times

[Ryan]

to get over that. That's a goddamn classic. I got a little something I wanted to start off with. Obviously we're in the fucking dog days of summer in here in New York City. Hot.

[Foley]

Sure.

[Ryan]

Dog days. Hot. Schizy.

[Foley]

I like it. It's summer in the city.

[Ryan]

Now this is a little. I got a picture. A little bit of a. Not a great picture. I was drunk. I was coming home. I Was drunk. This is late at night. And this is more of a. I don't know what this is.

[Foley]

You're coming home late at night, later at night, you know, got your heels

[Ryan]

in your hands, mascara's running from. Yeah, whatever.

[Foley]

Gagging.

[Ryan]

That was a joke I was gonna make. I. Yeah. And then I get to my neighbor. I get to my door and my neighbor's door is propped open all night long with. Yeah, that's how they sleep in there. With a wedge. They wedge. Like they have a doorstop. So the doors open like four inches maybe. What? And at first I left the house.

[Foley]

Who are these people? I don't know.

[Ryan]

Psychopaths obviously. My. This is my take. They don't have air conditioning. I don't know. I'm assuming they. They might not have air conditioning units. So this is how they get their cross breeze. Like they open the windows and the door to. I don't know. That's insane. I mean, we live in like a safe enough building. Not a doorman or nothing, but that. Dude, I left the house at like 9 o' clock and they had it. I went, oh, they're either. I was like, maybe they painted or. I. I don't know. This is like. This is what they're just doing. It's open at all times.

[Luke]

I mean, you need someone on shift.

[Ryan]

I've never. Dude, I don't know what it would take for me to.

[Foley]

Just someone. The fact of someone that could just walk in there. I could walk in there and stand over you while you're sleeping.

[Ryan]

I didn't even think of that.

[Foley]

I thought about robbing and not even rob you.

[Ryan]

That's crazy.

[Foley]

I'm more scared of that. Oh yeah, Someone just standing over watching me sleep and then leave.

[Ryan]

That's what.

[Foley]

That's. That's what a real psycho does.

[Ryan]

That's what we were told. That's what I learned. Cat burglars. Do they come in and watch you sleep? Which freaked me out at a young age, like a buddy, take the stereo or something.

[Foley]

I don't do that.

[Ryan]

Take the PlayStation. I'll need your fucking watch.

[Foley]

They don't stand to watch you sleep.

[Ryan]

Some people do.

[Foley]

No, not a cat. Cat Burger is just a regular guy. Whatever ends meet.

[Ryan]

I don't know what the name is, but there are people fucking breaking in to watch us.

[Foley]

Cat burglar sneaks into the window, steal some jewels, some baseball cards, stuff like that. Then he goes back. He's a guy with a good heart. He's got a kid that's, you know, Got a broken leg, the wife busts his balls and he's trying to make ends meet.

[Ryan]

What's the broken leg have anything to do?

[Foley]

You know, he's got to pay for

[Ryan]

a medical bills, pay for the case.

[Foley]

Yeah, he's a regular guy. Doesn't mean to do it. I. Spider man still beats his ass. But you know what?

[Luke]

Foley is actually more accurate.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

In that they don't watch you sleep.

[Ryan]

No, for sure I didn't. Well, I didn't think they were going to put someone. That's what I was told a cat burglar was. Or that was my understanding. I did not believe it. Because they're not burglarizing.

[Foley]

They told you to get your fat ass to go to bed.

[Ryan]

Well that's not gonna help. You talking about. I haven't slept in fucking 28 years, motherfucker. Drinking coffee. Yeah. What. What is the definition of a cat burglar?

[Luke]

A thief who breaks into buildings using stealth, agility and climbing skills.

[Ryan]

That's like the cat. That's the cat.

[Luke]

To avoid ground level security.

[Ryan]

Ground level security. Wow. Yeah.

[Foley]

Anywho psychopaths.

[Ryan]

That's crazy to me. I mean you gotta think so that's my voyeurs watch.

[Foley]

You have sex with your wife, stand there and they leave.

[Ryan]

It sounds like you're about to confess to a lot of stuff. No, he's just a guy. I was down on his luck. Breaks into your house.

[Foley]

I'm not a watcher.

[Ryan]

Okay, Okay. I don't know what you want from that. You wanted me to pry more into that? No, I'm not a watcher anymore. Follow up questions.

[Foley]

What floor is that?

[Ryan]

But my thing is so anybody in my building. Forget about people who can get in like that. Break in or not break in, but whatever. A delivery driver, Ubereats guy. There's gotta be. I mean there's gotta be. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. There's 50 units in my. In my one building. That building's connected to the building next to probably 70 units. I mean that fucking 500 people live in this building. That's crazy. That all have access to that door?

[Foley]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Isn't that nuts?

[Luke]

Mm.

[Foley]

Just come down some freak that lives in the building.

[Ryan]

Guy on Fuck. Guy from 2B.

[Foley]

You never seen him?

[Ryan]

I don't think so.

[Foley]

Is it a guy? Girl?

[Ryan]

I don't know. There was. They had.

[Foley]

It's got to be more than one person because if you're doing that one person, you're a psychopath.

[Ryan]

They. They moved out before I moved.

[Foley]

They're abroad Doing that. You're a Jesus.

[Ryan]

They moved out. They moved out right after we moved in.

[Foley]

They moved out.

[Ryan]

The people that were there moved out two to three months after we moved in. So I never really say about you. I don't know. New York real estate's a bitch. I don't know what to tell you. They. Yeah. So I don't. I've never really met. I don't know who's who.

[Luke]

How many units are on that floor?

[Foley]

Nine in my old building. This Asian family lived up by the elevator and they would do that shit, but they would usually do it when they were cooking and they had the door cracked. But I come home fucking at night, one o' clock in the morning still

[Ryan]

cracked or no and a fucking door still cracked. If they're all. If.

[Foley]

Then I gotta walk down the hallway with my back to it. I'd be turning around.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. I fucking.

[Foley]

Cuz that could. There's no click of the thing sneak out and slice my throat. Leave me laying there.

[Ryan]

Mm. That's that what you're worried about?

[Foley]

Little bit.

[Luke]

Okay.

[Ryan]

Yeah, that makes sense too. I never thought about. They could be fucking waiting to get me.

[Foley]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I don't know.

[Foley]

That's all a setup.

[Ryan]

It gives me the heebie jeebies.

[Foley]

You're standing there unlocking your door. All sudden that door just opens and there's someone standing there.

[Ryan]

I got one too many fucking spritzers in me. You know what I mean? I'm not paying attention.

[Foley]

You got a tray of Zaga.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I got a big plate of Zaga about to jump into this vodka Sicilian slice, which this place next to me is doing. It's kick your dick in good Bacchusian.

[Foley]

It's too much for me also.

[Ryan]

That was one of the times I found. That was one of the first.

[Foley]

Andrew Bellucci does that Bacchus rip.

[Ryan]

Who's Andrew Bellucci?

[Foley]

Pizza guy.

[Ryan]

Queens rest in peace. I was one of the first things that I didn't realize I pronounced trashy till early on in.

[Foley]

Vodka.

[Ryan]

Vodka. Someone's vodka. If you spell it V, A H, K A Vodk.

[Luke]

That's how Denzel says it in flight.

[Ryan]

Vodka.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Two vodka sodas. I'll do two vodka sodas. Captain and king.

[Foley]

Funny, they only found two bottles because I drank three. All he had to do was shut the fuck up. Yeah, but he was through.

[Ryan]

That's growth.

[Foley]

Fuck growth. I think that I got enough of that.

[Ryan]

Okay, guy. Who wants to fight A.C. slater. The fuck you talking about growth?

[Foley]

Get enough of that at Therapy fucking growth. Tell me I'm doing good. Fucking show you.

[Ryan]

Wait, what?

[Foley]

I'll blow this whole thing up.

[Ryan]

All that being said, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, when you join the old Patreon a we will answer your garbage question on yes, sir. And I gotta be honest with you, the fucking boys over there on Patreon come up with some hum dingers, got some writers. They get the show just as much as we do. They. They. The Patreon helps evolve the show. The homies, they fucking. And the bozos, obviously, but like, they. They really just frigging get it. Where you go. I would have never fucking thought of this. The boys are cooking. Um, let's see here. This one's from Foley socks, $10, homie. Never had one read. You've ever been jammed up for snacks late night and ate someone's packed lunch? Oh, dude, that's.

[Foley]

Yes, I have.

[Ryan]

As a f. Mom knew to gatekeep the lunch snacks for me in a high cabinet. Man, that's like putting stuff in a bear bag for a fat kid.

[Foley]

That's fucking tough.

[Ryan]

Late night. When the pantry got dry, I would just eat my sister's lunch from the fridge several times. She got to school with just a yogurt cup. Also love how he leaves the yogurt cup. I ain't touching that shit. I don't need no probiotics. Poor girl. Uh huh. That's.

[Foley]

Dude.

[Ryan]

But also imagine, as you know, that's

[Foley]

not a good feeling. Can I tell you that?

[Ryan]

What?

[Foley]

When you're eating that you don't really enjoy it. It's more shame driven.

[Ryan]

But there is a.

[Foley]

For me, it's scratching it.

[Ryan]

When you get okay with the shame and you just go, I'm. Fuck it. There is a. There is a. There's a. There's a.

[Foley]

You never get okay with the shame.

[Ryan]

A shot of endorphins do go through where you're like, I'm. Even if it's for a. Happiness is just a moment. It is. There we go. I'm crushing this fucking this peanut butter sandwich right now. How you doing?

[Foley]

I give it out.

[Ryan]

I'll deal with tomorrow. I'll deal with that. When it comes to my shit.

[Foley]

He must have took. I did it like once or twice, but it was my own lunch.

[Ryan]

Oh, whatever. I mean, that's like fuck.

[Foley]

Well, you're not getting another sandwich.

[Ryan]

That's like pain.

[Foley]

You ate in the middle of the night. I packed you too.

[Ryan]

Is that your dad, man, I don't know. I don't know what phase of therapy you're in, but you're. You're currently going through some mother stuff. I think that's pretty.

[Foley]

Patty, can you hear me? Patty, do you love me?

[Ryan]

No. Back to your room, you fat bastard.

[Foley]

Get upstairs.

[Ryan]

Yeah, well, I never. We never. I never was like a big packed lunch guy. Also, I had free reign.

[Foley]

Denise, couple of heaters and a coffee and went on about your day.

[Ryan]

Bear claw.

[Foley]

Figure something out.

[Ryan]

Bear claw. I had free. Denise was so tired from working.

[Foley]

I pictured you eating a sandwich. The way like De Niro in Copland did a sandwich. Like a little shitty fucking ham and cheese. I gave you a chance to be a cop and you blew it.

[Ryan]

I got a cup of tea. Yeah. No, I didn't. I had free reign. Obviously why I became such a fat little dude.

[Foley]

There's somebody bring a whole chicken to school.

[Ryan]

Somebody sent me a picture of myself that like, I was like, oh, that'll be good to show on air. And I'm. I'm like, dude, it's too embarrassing.

[Foley]

Why? What are you doing?

[Luke]

It's. What?

[Foley]

What are you doing?

[Ryan]

I was just at my buddy's house and it was like not a poll, it was a picture. And I was just such a fat like Taylor. Like I look at it and it makes me sad and I'm like, I'm not ready to get made fun of at this stage.

[Foley]

Bring it in. I could use this.

[Ryan]

I could use a win.

[Luke]

Easy.

[Foley]

Like a lead horse.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it was just like, I literally like just pictured because I remember the moment it was taken and I was just like, I can't. It was just like I closed that box and was like, we'll put that under the bed. We'll fucking address that. When I got some. When I got some time on my hands, that's gonna. That's gonna need a little fucking emotional CPUs, you know, I need. So I need to clear up some. Some disc space for that kid.

[Foley]

Let's talk about gld, baby. Fellas, summer's here, festival season, beach trips, weddings. You want to look your fresh as you do. You know that looking good matters, guys. Trust me for my big boys out there. And when you're hiding underneath hoodies and jackets and all that kind of stuff, a clean chain or bracelet or a pendant could take a basic outfit, make you pop.

[Ryan]

Yes.

[Foley]

What's all about popping.

[Ryan]

Lopez has on him.

[Foley]

That's why we're rocking our sponsors. Rocking with our sponsors. Gld.

[Ryan]

Yeah. GLD uses real gold. Every stone is handset and the craftsmanship is on another friggin level. You can see the difference immediately. And when you hold it in your hand, you can feel it toe a little bit of heft to it, you know what I mean? So if you're trying to level up your summer fits without overthinking it, GLD is the move. Listen, that nice little thing just makes people. Oh, that guy's a little put together, right? We're bozos through and through. Bozos. Nice little, nice little necklace. Nice little Brandon. Nice little summer guy. That guy's, that guy's know what the frig he's talking about. I'm gonna listen to. I want to talk to that guy. GLD is an official collab with the NFL. So you can get every NFL team on a pendant this season. How you frigging doin'?

[Foley]

Let's.

[Ryan]

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[Foley]

Do it. Let's go. Hey, Chubby's Chubby.

[Ryan]

Chubby. Chubby.

[Foley]

I'm not talking about you. I'm talking about Chubby's. You know, Chubby's. Gang, listen. Summer's finally here. You're going to be hanging out at the pool, you're going to be soaking in the sun and it's finally seasonally appropriate to unleash the thighs. Yes, fellas, we all know that there's no better shorts for the summer than Chubby. Chubby.

[Ryan]

Yes. Chubby's swim trunks are so incredibly stylish and comfortable that it feels illegal. We're talking bold prints, lightweight fabric that dries quickly. Very important if you're a bigger guy. And four way struts to let you move freely from beach to the bar and back again. Chubby's has multiple inseam options so you can always find the perfect balance of comfort, confidence and thigh exposure. Listen, inseam is big. I learned you want to. It's like it goes back to just those little things. You get a little. Little tighter of an inseam. It look put together. You got a little. It gives you a little bit more think 100% I got. Dude, I'm. I.

[Foley]

Because I'm taking my chubbies with me. This.

[Ryan]

If you find. If you see me this summer in North Wildwood, baby, I'm going to be chubbed up.

[Foley]

Are you?

[Ryan]

I think, dude, you get the different size inseams. I forget exactly what they are. It's like 4, 5 and 6 or 5 and it's. And they're a little, little tight. It makes you look. That guy's put together. That guy knows what he's got.

[Foley]

I got big legs.

[Ryan]

How you done?

[Foley]

Small penis.

[Ryan]

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[Foley]

Whoa.

[Ryan]

Yeah, but that being said, I had free reign of the. Like I never.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I never had to eat someone else's lunch. We were never a big lunch in the. In this. I think maybe my mom would do it in the morning.

[Foley]

I don't know.

[Ryan]

I never remember the stuff being packed in there.

[Foley]

Olive sandwiches.

[Ryan]

Let's see.

[Foley]

Matchbook from the club she was at the night before.

[Ryan]

What was the name of the place? There was a.

[Foley]

Would she go out when she was young? Before she met Joe?

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's how she met Joe.

[Foley]

She was. She was stepping out.

[Ryan]

That's what you said, guy.

[Foley]

She go out and do happy hour and stuff?

[Ryan]

Yeah, that's how she met.

[Foley]

She was dating. I don't know. I mean, how did you feel about that.

[Ryan]

What do you mean? How did I feel about my. I don't know.

[Foley]

She'd be all. She'd come home, she'd be. She'd get all dolled up, put the perfume on the pumps.

[Ryan]

It was never in front of us.

[Foley]

You would see her leave?

[Ryan]

No, I'd be. She would do. When I'd be at my dad's.

[Foley]

Oh yeah. Kids are gone. This way.

[Ryan]

Well, I mean, she can't be like, hey, the kids are gone on Thursday. It's Tuesday. I want to go get. I'm going to leave them home alone and go get house at Vaders.

[Foley]

Is that what you went Vader?

[Ryan]

I don't know. That was a place. See if you can find Vaders in

[Foley]

south up at Obi Wan. Come on down to Yoda's, I think

[Ryan]

it was called Vader. And I remember we. I stopped. I don't know.

[Luke]

Vader's Bar and Grill, baby.

[Ryan]

Anal Invaders. It's not still open?

[Luke]

No, it's closed. Yeah. Oh my God.

[Ryan]

It was like. I remember they didn't open till late, which I never got. I remember being like, what are you guys fucking Vader's Bar and Grill. Oh, there they are.

[Luke]

Introducing the girls.

[Foley]

There's the girls. Ladies. Hello.

[Ryan]

They got a 2.8. Dude.

[Foley]

Man.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Second Street pike in Southampton. Wow. Couple of 30 go down. What else?

[Foley]

40 year old ladies getting back out there. Let's go, girls.

[Ryan]

I don't know. I remember Denise.

[Foley]

The pickings are pretty slim.

[Luke]

Jesus.

[Foley]

But you can round somebody up.

[Ryan]

They're back. They left and came. Vaders is back. And this time they have upped their game in a very big way. After opening and closing the second generation who reopened Vaders as a dark and gloomy. That's what I kind of remember. The dark and gloomy nightlife type atmosphere. I don't even know if that's where she went. I remember stopping there with my stepdad.

[Foley]

One time they drag her out of there. Get this.

[Ryan]

I'm at home watching you fat ass kid, and this is what you're doing.

[Foley]

He ate everybody's lunch. By the way.

[Ryan]

I'm gonna need a new bologna sandwich.

[Foley]

We gotta stop and shop, right? And get a half a pound of turkey. This kid goes through cheese like a chipmunk.

[Ryan]

He kid ate half a pound of cheddar already today.

[Foley]

Mom.

[Ryan]

I don't feel good. I. I didn't. But I had to sound like that. I had. I had to sound like that. You know what I mean?

[Foley]

You sounded like that when I made. Because you had the nasal. You had the chubby cheek.

[Ryan]

And what do you. What?

[Foley]

Huh? I project like an artist. Goddamn dramatic actor.

[Ryan]

Yeah, goddamn something, I'll tell you that much. Few things I can't say publicly.

[Foley]

You say anything you want publicly.

[Ryan]

I. Yeah, I.

[Foley]

Let's go down to Vaders.

[Ryan]

No, I don't. There was another one. It's gonna come to me. I should. Oh, she. She's away. I'd call her right now. There was a couple where I remember being like. There was one. She'd go to Michael. We could go down to Michael's every now and then on Street Road. The Wrinkle Ranch. Yeah, there's one that was in Southampton. That'll. That'll pop in my head. I just can't think of it because that's where he was.

[Foley]

The Kitty Cat Club.

[Ryan]

He. He was down there. He was in more. And her friend lived in Southampton.

[Foley]

Uh huh.

[Ryan]

And she'd go out. Well, I'm going out.

[Foley]

Where's Northampton?

[Ryan]

I'm from.

[Foley]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

It's like they're right next to each other. They're all within, like. It was like seven minutes away.

[Foley]

Northampton's in Bucks County.

[Ryan]

No, there's like a Northampton High School. Yeah, that's like Bethlehem.

[Foley]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, gotcha.

[Ryan]

Reading or Bethlehem. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's Northampton. Northampton Township. I used to work in Northampton Country Club. How do you do? But it's fired for eating all the hot dogs. But yeah, I'm gonna have to think of the name. But yeah, she'd go out. Oh, we're going out. I'm going out with. Going out.

[Foley]

Patty Clicket.

[Ryan]

Cindy. Yeah, Patty and Ollie. Now her.

[Foley]

They weren't friends then.

[Ryan]

They grew up Patty, Patty and Ollie, who. She grew up with Patty. That's how she knows her.

[Foley]

So she would step out with Patty. They wouldn't drag Ollie around, would they?

[Ryan]

Oh, I don't know.

[Foley]

Girls ain't out. Ollie's getting drug around.

[Ryan]

I think she got. She got close again with Pat because she was close with, I believe, Patty and Ollie with my dad. They were. And then I think like, yay. Then once she got with. When she got with Joe, they all started spending time again together as couples. Yeah, there's some pics where, hey, she was smoking more blood. She'd pop away. I mean, drink her little. Whatever. Zambuca.

[Foley]

Zambuca. She jelly from analyzing.

[Ryan]

She's got a pinky ring on. All right, let's all know. Enough about my.

[Foley]

My wonderful brother. I don't want to talk about it.

[Ryan]

Yeah, right.

[Foley]

Respect.

[Ryan]

Like popping a blue chew over there.

[Foley]

Come see me at Vader's.

[Ryan]

I just remember. I didn't understand it being the night. I remember. I'm like, it's a night here.

[Foley]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

I'm like, why are you open for today? So sell some lunch or something. Make this a family instability tanking over there.

[Foley]

You didn't know what was going on.

[Ryan]

It did.

[Foley]

Now you do.

[Ryan]

It did feel like a place that you would see on like the first 48, if that makes sense. Or like forensic files.

[Foley]

Door cracked open.

[Ryan]

Local. Yeah.

[Foley]

You know, murder after hours, DJ gets shot.

[Ryan]

Yeah. There was a dj. You're like, the hell's going on here? It just felt that was my, my do not next to a gas station.

[Foley]

Now you know.

[Ryan]

Now you know. I don't think she was ever at Vader's though. I mean, I'm sure maybe once, but that. I don't. That wasn't her speed. I don't think she was dangerous. She wasn't backing it up and dumping it.

[Foley]

No, course not.

[Ryan]

Their mother of three. She was so young. Crazy younger than I am now.

[Foley]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan]

Wild. Makes you think, huh? Young dime, flat circle,

[Foley]

psycho.

[Ryan]

I'm high. Let's see. This is from Rex. $10 home. He never had one. Red. Is it garbage if when your cousin got arrested, his mom spit up one of the offers and said, why don't you go down to Wall street and arrest some real quick criminals. That's how you do it.

[Foley]

They love that.

[Ryan]

That's how you do it.

[Foley]

They love that.

[Ryan]

Uh huh. Go down there and arrest some real criminals.

[Foley]

You believe this? You're hassling me.

[Ryan]

My son's not allowed to drive through the front of a 7 11. Why don't you go down there and arrest the people who are spending our pension?

[Foley]

People need this meth.

[Ryan]

Uh huh. That's. That's a big one. Justifying your transgressions.

[Foley]

I mean you got to get into the whole thing of like, you know, an investigation and you got to get into a fucking, what are they called, warrants and all that stuff. Really tough. Taking down white collar crime. She must use to pick up her dirtbag kid for doing whatever he did, you know. Plus a patrolman's not really responsible for that kind of investigation. It's more the FBI, right Detective? Securities Exchange Commission and all that kind of stuff. That's what I would have told us, broad. Then I would have took the spit

[Ryan]

and went licked it.

[Luke]

We used.

[Ryan]

I used to get a lot. Whenever we'd be downtown, you get a parking Ticket. You see that?

[Foley]

You believe this?

[Ryan]

You see that now too? Because like that's a bit. That's big for workers. Like if you're like a construction worker, something you got to park your van, you got to find. Especially in New York, you got park, gotta find, park, you gotta park and then you gotta go feed the meter. Every two hours you get a ticket. Something out here trying to earn a living.

[Foley]

Believe that.

[Ryan]

You're fucking breaking me off.

[Foley]

Yeah, I'm triple park.

[Ryan]

120 bucks. You can't win in this city. That we'd hear that a lot. Really breaking the balls. It'll work in me.

[Foley]

That PBA show made it worse too.

[Ryan]

The what? PBA show.

[Foley]

Ppa.

[Ryan]

Oh, in Philly.

[Foley]

What was it called? Parking wars or something?

[Ryan]

Yeah, which I had. That was so funny because that got big.

[Foley]

You read for that, didn't you?

[Ryan]

I was. I mean I've. I've lived in a couple of times. They. It was so bad and so corrupt that they were like, let's make a show on it. In Philly. That's like. Cuz it was like owned by a. It was a private company. The PPA is like a private company with public funding or something like that. It's all fucking white collie. Go arrest them down there at the fucking ppa. You won't get me a ticket.

[Foley]

It's all kickbacks.

[Ryan]

Yeah, it's all kickbacks.

[Foley]

Kickbacks from the tow trunk, the tow truck companies, the mechanics. Everybody's in on it.

[Ryan]

They would take. I remember us, that show do. People would go, you know, the way they got you and the way it was great for fucking reality TV is you had to pay the fines first. So there was two. Two or three. Two windows. You go to the first payment window, they go, oh, you owe $1,800. Now you got these people scrounging to get the $1800. As someone who did it, I had to do it. You fucking Danny. I fucking call in to get this money and you figure once I. And then you get down, they go, all right, the next window you got to show all your paperwork. And then they go, your paperwork's funk this. You know, this is a four days overdue. You know, you're not inspect. We can't give you the car. And they go, well, I just gave it a fucking 1800. They go, yeah, I can't. Can't do nothing. That's when people would lose it. It's a reason for a bulletproof glass. Yeah. I mean.

[Foley]

Mm. It's fucked up. Fucked up doing that to people out there.

[Luke]

Buh.

[Ryan]

Working. Why don't you go arrest a real criminal? Why don't you arrest yourself? Yeah, rest your.

[Foley]

Luke.

[Ryan]

Luke probably Luke's family. Probably made money off the fucking PPA dickheads.

[Luke]

My buddies had a good laugh. Good laugh.

[Ryan]

You're lighting your fucking bong with hundred dollar bills.

[Foley]

A lot of stock and Purell and masks around here. Like 2020.

[Ryan]

Oh, that's funny. This one's just good. This is Fixing the bunt. $10. Undercover brother. Never had one Red. Ever fall out of a tree as an adult? That's a tough look.

[Foley]

You're fucking up any fall as an adult, any step. I almost fucking broke my ankle. Yeah, didn't you witness this? Where was I?

[Luke]

Pittsburgh. They have that little drop down.

[Foley]

Oh my God. I almost killed myself in that fucking bathroom.

[Luke]

The three of us.

[Foley]

My head would went right into that fucking sink.

[Ryan]

I would have closed the door and walked out the back entrance. I was never here.

[Foley]

I would have said you push me.

[Ryan]

That's like as you in a Chinese accent. But I would have said it as you get older. That's when you do realize like it's

[Foley]

not there no more.

[Ryan]

A fall. Like dude, you would have fallen down that step. The toilet was right there. You could have smashed your head on

[Foley]

and you just said I would have hit my head on the sink.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you would have bled out.

[Foley]

I'm just saying that's not going to send help for me. You're sitting two feet away, a lot of traffic.

[Ryan]

It was a popular show. It was a sold out show. What the hell the ambulance going to get through the crowd?

[Foley]

Just plugging right up front. You son of a.

[Ryan]

No, I'm just saying not.

[Foley]

You put your hands on my nose

[Ryan]

like Chrissy, I've seen it too. Where I almost fell in the shower a couple times. You're like, well, that was it. There's no bouncing back from that.

[Foley]

At least gonna break your arm.

[Ryan]

Something.

[Luke]

An adult in a cast too.

[Ryan]

Yeah, because it's. Yeah, it's tough. Tough. Look, you don't bounce back. You don't fall like you used to. Like you could as a kid. No, sadder. So much sadder.

[Foley]

Oh God. That kind of shit I remember. I.

[Ryan]

What?

[Foley]

Nothing. Stepping off a curb and twisting my ankle. The searing pain.

[Ryan]

That's. You're a real big then.

[Foley]

Yeah, I just unmanifest. Yes.

[Ryan]

I'm not. Did you take that as a personal attack?

[Foley]

It was a personal attack. You called me fat and disgusting. Nobody loved me. I might add other stuff on. But I'M still true. All the same.

[Ryan]

I'm saying even we're taught. We're talking about being older and out of shape and falling. And I'm saying that specifically. Time that you hurt your ankle stepping four and a half inches. You were. That one was intentional. I didn't mean the other one. I swear to God, I was painting a picture of you.

[Foley]

I was there.

[Ryan]

All right, you know what? You try.

[Foley]

Yeah, I was a big fat pig. I'm still a big fat pig now.

[Ryan]

But you're not. You're looking good. Everybody's complimenting you down. That's a 4x, isn't it?

[Foley]

You x 2xl.

[Ryan]

Nobody's more proud and bigger supporter of you than I am, big dog.

[Foley]

Is that true?

[Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Foley]

Give me 100 bucks.

[Ryan]

Okay, you want it?

[Foley]

Give me 200.

[Ryan]

There you go.

[Foley]

Now I don't want 50s.

[Ryan]

Such a dick.

[Foley]

Loser.

[Luke]

Good.

[Ryan]

They're fake.

[Foley]

You don't got 100.

[Ryan]

Anyway, what do you get? No, I don't. I gave you all the hundreds.

[Foley]

When I get hundreds when we got

[Ryan]

paid in cash at one time.

[Foley]

That was like four years ago.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I didn't. I don't. I don't spend my money on.

[Foley]

You're sitting on M50s from that long ago.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Foley]

No, you're not.

[Ryan]

Where the else would I get 50s? That's from that payment, which they just asked if we want to do another one of them.

[Foley]

Yeah, we do. I bet.

[Ryan]

I knew you were gonna say yes.

[Foley]

We do.

[Ryan]

I'll do a weekly if you need me.

[Foley]

Corporate gig out there in the island.

[Luke]

Huh?

[Foley]

Hey.

[Ryan]

Dang. Yeah, I still got. Yeah, that's still floating around.

[Foley]

Really, man?

[Ryan]

How quick was yours gone that night? That's great. That's why I didn't give it to you that night. Haha.

[Foley]

No, not that night. That was recent. I was clean then. Yeah. Dickhead. Okay, when was that? Last week.

[Ryan]

Yesterday. Yeah. No, yeah, I still have that. Some of it. No, none of it.

[Foley]

Whatever. We're talking about me being a fat pig falling.

[Ryan]

I was. I thought I was saying. Jesus Christ. It's like fucking. This is like. I feel. It's like Leo and I wasn't gonna recover. I was saying you worked at the airport. Okay. What the. Who said he had a problem?

[Foley]

I just said he had a fucking problem, man. You get that fat guy sweat when you do something like that. Like that. You get to the point where, like. Is the blood pumping the right way? Is there a clot gonna form? What's my cholesterol doing it at that ain't it. You know what I mean?

[Ryan]

That's when the whole system gets put on.

[Foley]

Try the whole system.

[Ryan]

All. Everything. I stub my thigh. This did a hangnailing helping everything. Fucking. It's like death of a thousand cuts. That's tough. I also. I was thinking about. Yes, I want to compliment you. I was next to a specifically larger gentleman. Had the fat guy smell. And it made me really appreciate all your previous years of being fat. You're doing great. Never we all said this. Never had the fat guy smell, which takes a lot of work. This guy had like the musty old like shirt that was like wet for too long.

[Foley]

Kind of in the deep days of the depression. Last summer when I would go like four or five days without shower and I would get it. I'd be all sweaty and stuff.

[Ryan]

Anybody get that?

[Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan]

No, I've always been very.

[Foley]

It's funny. I liked it being in that, you know. Sick.

[Ryan]

So this is from the water boy over there on page. This one, the water boy. $10 TB watcher tube. Oh, to be.

[Luke]

Watcher.

[Foley]

To be.

[Ryan]

$10. To be.

[Foley]

To be up as we speak. By the way.

[Ryan]

Why?

[Foley]

They're doing a lot of shady shit. Why the fuck.

[Ryan]

Why don't you go down there and arrest them? What?

[Foley]

No, no, no, no. Don't arrest them.

[Ryan]

People are doing shady shit.

[Foley]

Yeah. Don't arrest Tubi. Can we just leave to be alone? Not us. What? But just let Tubi be. To be.

[Ryan]

What are they doing?

[Foley]

They're great. They have great movies.

[Ryan]

I get that. What are they doing?

[Foley]

They're starting to fucking creep in with the ads and this and that.

[Ryan]

Thought they were primarily based on ads. No, that's why it's free.

[Foley]

Yeah, but not up front. They start the movie for you now.

[Ryan]

You're getting pre rolls. Luke's smoking a couple of pre rolls. Ain't that nice?

[Foley]

Little moon racks. Then he getting Tommy all jacked up. Cleveland, you hear that?

[Luke]

Yeah, it's outside.

[Ryan]

Huh?

[Luke]

Whoa.

[Foley]

Somebody blowing a fat whistle. Man, that freaked me out.

[Ryan]

High pitched squeal.

[Foley]

I heard thunder last night. That went on too long. It sounded like. Yeah. Whoa.

[Luke]

I heard. It was like maybe like midnight.

[Foley]

Yeah, it was around that time it was rolling and I was like, oh, those are. Those are bombs.

[Luke]

We're locked in. Yeah, same thing.

[Foley]

I assume they were. They're blowing up the gas refineries out in Queens or something like that. Here we go. Go get my suit. Go get the rifle.

[Ryan]

Just shoot myself right away. You're in the bathtub, kid.

[Foley]

Let's talk about that Chilipad 2.0 by Sleep Me Chili Pad. Are you the kind of person who's constantly flipping your pillow to the cool side of the pillow only for it to last about 10 seconds? Or maybe you and your partner are in a nightly thermostat battle. One of you is freezing, the other one is overheating. Here's the truth. Great sleep isn't random. It's temperature. And cooler nights lead to better days. That's why Chilipad by Sleep Meat comes in. All right. Temperature is one of the most single biggest levers you can pull to improve your sleep and the quality of deep sleep. And that matters because in deep sleep is when your body actually recovers, repairs and resets for the next day.

[Ryan]

Yes, that's exactly why we want to tell you about Chilipad 2.0 by Sleep Me. The most advanced version yet of the bed cooling system, built specifically for people who are tired of waking up hot and sweaty. Baby, that's my worst friggin nightmare. Chilipad 2.0 actively cools or warms your bed using water. It's a thermostat for your bed. And water is the key here. Fans just move hot air around. Chilipad uses actively chilled water to cool the bed, actually pulling heat away from your body. Like it's not the difference between standing in front of a fan and jumping into a cold chilly willy pool. And it works with your existing mattress. No new bed needed. Visit www.sleep.me garbage to get up to $255 off your Chilipad 2.0 with the code GARBAGE. This special offer is available for RU Garbage listeners and only for a limited time. Order today with free shipping and try it out for 30 days. You can return it for free if you don't like it with their sleep trial one more time. Visit www.sleep s l e e p.me/garbage. Never wake up hot and tired again.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Fortner. $10. Fortner, is it garbage to bury your dad in the front yard? He had over 500 plus acres and we buried him 30 yards from the front of the house.

[Foley]

Well, you got 500 acres. You're owning that land. I respect it. That's a. It's for Yellowstone. That's some John Dutton.

[Ryan]

Yeah, but why not give him a little bit, a little bit of separation, breathing room.

[Foley]

Yeah, something in the back's always nice little garden.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I would say something you gotta like bang a left around, you know what I mean? Like around the corner, 30 yards from the front. That's a little too close for comfort for me.

[Foley]

Yeah, it's like where you put in the Christmas decorations.

[Ryan]

If he was cremated, I get that's okay. Cremated than burial. I'd never seen that done.

[Foley]

Yeah, my dad's buried.

[Ryan]

Yeah, so is my stepdad.

[Foley]

A little piece of them.

[Ryan]

First I ever heard.

[Foley]

I got. I gotta. I got a jar of them. My mom's got a jar. I got a jar at the old house. I gotta go back there and get that. Ow. I love my dad over there.

[Ryan]

Pop, I'm coming. Come to get you, buddy. I feel like you gotta be a

[Luke]

15 minute walk away.

[Foley]

Yeah, like 15 minutes. Yeah, like then you'll never see it.

[Luke]

Contemplative walk.

[Foley]

15 minutes.

[Ryan]

Never say.

[Foley]

Luke, come on. 15 minutes.

[Ryan]

You want to be able to contemplate.

[Foley]

Five minutes is all you need. Around the corner, put a bush in. 15 minutes. This is how they get an hour.

[Luke]

This is how they get buried. 30 yards from the house.

[Ryan]

Yeah, you'd be you. You'd probably put them in a basement if you could.

[Foley]

I keep right next to the fucking TV lakes is fucking Archie Bunker.

[Ryan]

I don't know if we could do. I don't know if I. I could. I get the cremation, then burial. I don't know if I could put them bones and all in the 30 yards away from the house.

[Luke]

They're doing some drilling or something.

[Foley]

Yeah, something urge that Havana shit. They're hitting us with a sound weapon. You don't think they're gonna try to take us out first? Who? I don't know who's ever coming after us. We're broadcasters. We could unify the country after everything falls apart for all they know. They take us out first.

[Ryan]

Sure. I'm okay with it.

[Foley]

Don't worry, Luke. I'm gonna protect you.

[Ryan]

I just need your father's sexual favorite. I need your father's checkbook and a

[Foley]

car and devout license.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I couldn't know. I couldn't do the bones knowingly. Like, he's just.

[Foley]

Your dad's bones are out there.

[Ryan]

Yeah, maybe my dad's bones I'd be okay with. No, but anybody's gone. I don't want to be that close to bones.

[Foley]

I don't like that. Those caskets are too like luxurious. They're like steel. How long does it take for the body to go in there? There? Like a hundred years. I want to go right in the dirt.

[Ryan]

I think they go very quick. I think that's the whole idea.

[Foley]

No, those caskets don't. Don't break down. That's all metal.

[Ryan]

I think they do. I. I was under the impression that they do break down. Like they have like. Like the bottom of it, I think breaks down. I don't know.

[Luke]

Coffins. Decomposition can take anywhere from 1 to 100 years. Depends on one. Yeah, well, it's like you have like the. The debtors ones where. Cardboard.

[Ryan]

I also think there's some religion.

[Foley]

I think that's what I want. I want to go. I want to get in there within the soil, go quick.

[Ryan]

I think. I think religious. Some. There's some religions that go like, thin piece of Masonite, you know what I mean?

[Foley]

So Masonite. Real thing next to the Amish.

[Ryan]

Isn't that what it's called? Real thin linoleum.

[Foley]

Luan.

[Ryan]

No. What?

[Foley]

Luan is wood. Okay.

[Ryan]

That's not what I'm thinking of. I know I'm correct. What the fuck? Dick said linoleum. Like I'm redoing. Like I'm redoing a kitchen in the 70s. Linoleum. Fucking jerk off. Yeah, no, it's like. It's just like a. Like a big shoe box. So you're, you know, that's what I like. You're halfway gone by the time the fucking. By the time they're out of the funeral baller. You know what I mean?

[Foley]

I got soup last night from a joint. It fell out of the bottom of the. The container. Like. Like heated through it.

[Luke]

Yeah. It was so hot.

[Foley]

So something similar like that.

[Ryan]

Sure, if you need a soup analogy to get it.

[Foley]

Tomato bisque, talking tacos. You ever heard of it? Pretty good.

[Luke]

Okay, Tomato bisque.

[Ryan]

You're getting tomato bisque from a taco joint.

[Foley]

It's like a fusion taco place. They had. They had a tomato bisque ramen. It was pretty good.

[Luke]

I get that.

[Ryan]

I want to go to that taco mall. Oh, yeah, Here.

[Foley]

Real fucking talking tacos.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Foley]

That's where we're going.

[Ryan]

All right. Talking tacos sounds good.

[Foley]

Talking tacos. Had to say it four times. Thanks for the free bisque.

[Ryan]

All for one cup of soup that falls out of the bag.

[Foley]

That wasn't their fault. That was mine.

[Ryan]

I presumed.

[Foley]

No, but it leaked through. I don't want to leak through. Plus, like that silk inside the coffin. That shit's weird. Why does it look like that? Give me some Notre Dame shit. Some Eagles gear. Naked in a box in the soil.

[Ryan]

Okay. Whatever you want. Is this written down anywhere? So I don't have to fight your family about it write this shit down.

[Foley]

They want me posed up like this,

[Ryan]

they'll probably be charging meet and greets. Fucking have you posed up on a. Sitting behind a fucking kitchen. The kitchen table. You walk up, you get, you spend 20 bucks, you get to take your final picture with it with Foley. 5. You'll be milking me for everything I got.

[Foley]

That's why I'm purposely not writing anything down. So I can enjoy that from hell.

[Ryan]

Screw me one last time.

[Foley]

Like Jacob Marley. You know, Jacob Marley was.

[Ryan]

I don't

[Foley]

much of a reader.

[Luke]

Huh.

[Ryan]

And who Jenny Craig is. Hey then.

[Foley]

Never saw her. We ever gonna look at her.

[Ryan]

I had. She had to be a more voluptuous lady.

[Foley]

Probably after all that.

[Ryan]

Is she real?

[Foley]

Peace. Yeah, she's real. She has to be. Probably a tight piece ass.

[Ryan]

Is it the redheaded girl?

[Foley]

I think that's Wendy.

[Ryan]

The fuck is Wendy.

[Foley]

Dave Thomas's daughter.

[Ryan]

Yeah, she read.

[Foley]

There she is.

[Ryan]

I seen her.

[Foley]

Is that Ernest Hemingway? What?

[Ryan]

Latifah?

[Foley]

No, it looks like Ernest Hemingway. There she is. Weight loss guru Jenny Craig. Tight body. I love that 90s mom look with the gold, the hair done up. Those dresses.

[Ryan]

What one? The second one. Yeah, yeah. That's still like leftover. That's still influence from the 80s, but like they're getting a little more refined. You know what I mean?

[Foley]

Love that.

[Ryan]

Yeah. Hey, Bump.

[Foley]

Hey, Dan.

[Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from all the toast. $10 glass. Case of emotion. Ever been stuck in a revolving door?

[Luke]

Stuck?

[Foley]

How do you get stuck in there?

[Ryan]

They stop. The big ones at the airports will stop if you get too close. They stop. I'm assuming that's what he's talking.

[Foley]

If you get too close.

[Ryan]

So there's, there's. You're thinking of like the manual one that you get in and you push. There's the automatic ones that you can fit like two families and they turn real slowly.

[Foley]

I know exactly what you're talking about.

[Ryan]

Those. If you get too close to the front of the door or the back of the door as a safety feature, they stop.

[Foley]

So it doesn't sweep you under.

[Ryan]

So it doesn't. Yeah, whatever it is. But you also. You got to time it. And so there's. There could be seven other people going the other way and it just always fucking gets fucked up. I'm assuming that's what he's talking about. Let's Bozo gets stuck in a fucking three piece revolving door. You know, I mean,

[Foley]

damn.

[Ryan]

But no, I've never been stuck in a revolving Door. I don't. I avoid those big ones at all cost. For that reason though, I don't like

[Foley]

the ones in the subway. I don't really fit. They're scary. That's not. Somebody stop you, they stick you.

[Ryan]

That was always the thing.

[Foley]

Yeah. They stopped you and they stick you.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, they used to. I feel like.

[Foley]

Like a rat in the cage.

[Ryan]

They were robbing people. Like you really just have to have someone put their foot against it. You're stuck in there. And then I think they go, give me your cell phone or whatever and they're on the A train out.

[Foley]

Fuck that. Yeah, stick them back. My shiv. Keeping my shoe.

[Ryan]

Hey, how you gonna bend down to your shoe in that thing? That thing's tighter than a telephone.

[Foley]

I have a spring on it. It slides.

[Ryan]

There you go. I'm sorry, I forgot who I was talking. Yeah, totally.

[Foley]

Idiot.

[Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Adam A in LA. Great name. $10 investor. Never had one read. Is it garbage if growing up your father bragged about his bartering skills. After 08, a lot of vendors couldn't pay him for his contracting work. Instead of coming home with cash, my dad would brag to us how he made more via bartering. Previous examples include $300 worth of shallots for a $200 cash job. Shallots, $700 of nearly expired toothpaste for a $400 cash job. And his all time best, a shopping bag full of whatever he wanted from a small time convenience store owner who owed him a couple hundred. We still have some of the cigarettes and Tic Tacs from the score.

[Foley]

Damn. Shallots go quick though.

[Ryan]

I guess you gotta then pedal them.

[Foley]

I guess you move the shallots.

[Ryan]

I mean, what's. I mean, what's a fucking pound of shallots go for?

[Foley]

300. $300 worth of shallots?

[Ryan]

That's a lot of shitload.

[Foley]

Yeah, kind of like good.

[Luke]

You could get them. You could keep them for a year

[Ryan]

in the freezer if you try.

[Foley]

Freezer?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Foley]

Frozen shallots.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

No, it's a great way to preserve.

[Foley]

Get out of here. How are you gonna keep autumn shallots in the fridge? You're all. Your ice is gonna smell like onions.

[Ryan]

Guys gotta deep freeze for sure.

[Foley]

All right, I'll do it.

[Ryan]

I don't know why you're so miffed by the can. Also pickle them.

[Foley]

Oh, I like that. I like pickled onions. Pickled shallots, pickled onions, pickled cabbage. Pickled onions are great.

[Ryan]

Big fan. Yeah, it's very Vietnamese. Does a lot of the pickled stuff.

[Foley]

Right?

[Ryan]

I'm thinking of.

[Foley]

I wouldn't know.

[Ryan]

Okay. He took offense to that somehow. Not sure, but we will move on. This one's from the waterboy. Oh, we never got to the Waterboy. The $10 Tubi Watcher.

[Foley]

Talk to me.

[Ryan]

Never have one read. You ever meet anyone with a pet ferret? My fourth grade teacher would bring two every day in the pouch of her hoodie. I listen. I don't know much about much. That's a bad school.

[Foley]

Was single.

[Ryan]

That's a bad school. That is not a great school.

[Foley]

Is it okay if I bring my ferret to school?

[Ryan]

She probably wasn't asking. And that goes to show that the school had bigger problems than the teacher bringing two fucking two rodents with her.

[Foley]

You got a ferret in the classroom? All right. I seen Kindergarten Cop. That was pretty cool.

[Ryan]

Yeah, I didn't like it.

[Foley]

But a teacher with a.2 ferrets in her house. Get a dog. That place must have wreaked.

[Ryan]

I don't. Yeah, they're too like, rodenty for me to like, want to cuddle. You know what I mean? The hands are too small.

[Foley]

That musk. Like human hands too.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Foley]

I don't like long fingernails.

[Ryan]

I don't like that.

[Foley]

Freak me out.

[Ryan]

Not my cup of tea. All right, let's see. This one's from Jim K. $10 retry. $10 retired tweaker. Here.

[Foley]

Nice.

[Ryan]

Did you ever try to learn how to count cards?

[Foley]

That's a. I don't understand it.

[Ryan]

That's a big one.

[Foley]

I don't understand.

[Ryan]

I have not have. But like. So obviously poker was really big. And then that. That. That movie 21 came out and that was everybody's. They gave you the. They gave you the rundown.

[Foley]

Hold on. Let's say it's one deck.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Foley]

Okay. Just because, you know, there might be two aces left in the deck. You don't know when they're coming.

[Ryan]

Doesn't matter. You're. You're. But the edge goes to you. You now know. So the. The. There's like a. And I'm making either. These are the loose rules.

[Foley]

How many decks that I use now?

[Ryan]

I think there can be like, it's. I think it's like 3, 5, 7, 9 or so. There's like a bunch. I choose a bunch of. A bunch of decks. I don't know how many because the lower the deck, that's like more sought after.

[Foley]

Hey, what's a shoe?

[Ryan]

Is the thing that they're in. What Nothing, you know, that we've played.

[Foley]

I've never heard it called a shoe.

[Ryan]

That's crazy. I've played blackjack with you like 10,000 times.

[Foley]

I never heard anybody call it a shoe. I'm not saying it's not. I'm just saying you're kind of a dork for knowing that. Okay, no offense, okay, to you personally.

[Ryan]

Okay. No, none taken.

[Foley]

Okay.

[Ryan]

I understand where you're coming from.

[Foley]

If I said something like that, you'd make fun of me. Hit the shoe. Two on the river.

[Ryan]

Yeah, okay, maybe. For sure. I get where you're coming from. Definitely. Yeah. I was, I was flexing. I wasn't. That's just what they're called.

[Luke]

I don't know.

[Ryan]

There's like three things you need that you learn at a poker or a blackjack table, whatever.

[Foley]

What are they?

[Ryan]

Shoes, socks, pants, underwear. In that order.

[Foley]

Need to have mall.

[Ryan]

Listen, it's like you value the deck. So like, I don't. I don't know the rules, but it's like anything a non face card is minus one. A face cards plus one. So as they come out, you keep score. So for every face card that comes out, you go, okay, plus one, plus two, minus one, minus two. And you keep this score. And I think when it gets to like 16 or something like that, if it's ever plus 16, it's like a heavy deck, which means the chances of you getting face cards is a lot. Which you want face cards, they, you know, your odds go up.

[Foley]

It just reminds me, I saw.

[Ryan]

I never tried it. I don't know, I just know that they explained it in the movie.

[Foley]

A friend of mine's neighbor was going to play cards and he's like, him and his buddies, you want to go play cards? And I was like, nah, I appreciate that. And I looked down and I saw the briefcase, the silver.

[Luke]

You hate it.

[Ryan]

I mean, we've gone into it. You hate it.

[Foley]

I'd rather blow my fucking brains out.

[Luke]

But the inverse of like, what if this is just now a guy carrying like hundreds of chips in his hands or in plastic bags.

[Ryan]

What looks stupider.

[Foley]

Fair enough.

[Ryan]

That's a good point. I never thought the briefcase. If you're not. If you don't enjoy cards also. I don't know anybody rolling with those briefcases anymore. That was a very of the guys were of the time and place. Yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. It is a tough law. I mean, anything stainless steel, it's like show. It's like, look at me, it's got the. I got the chips I got. Yeah. I get if. If you're not a fan of. I get how that's a. The visuals. Visualization of a tough hang for sure. But I think it is a dirt bag thing to. For sure. Dirt bag thing to try and learn how to count cards and like myself, have a loose understanding from a movie you saw 15 ago. You know what I mean? That's, like, very.

[Foley]

So I need.

[Ryan]

Yeah. That's all I'm like, I got. And then if anybody brings it up, I go, I get it. Plus plus to. You know, listen, I know I haven't been sharpening my skills recently, so I'm a little rusty, but I know the basics. Same way with. I have, like, text. With, like, poker. I'm, like, playable. But I don't know what the.

[Foley]

You're good blackjack player. I like playing blackjack with you. The only guy, like, playing blackjack with. Best guy ever.

[Ryan]

And you know what they call where they keep the cards and the shoe? There you go.

[Foley]

Yeah. Yeah. Yours would be called the smelly shoe.

[Ryan]

Okay.

[Foley]

Superman wrote that one.

[Ryan]

Somebody get this shot. The guy who shot a B12 also, put the toy down. You don't get to make jokes like that and play with a toy at the same time. Okay, listen, everybody. Everybody takes a couple of misses, but you got to keep your fucking head in the game. Sitting over here playing with an action figure.

[Foley]

I'm not playing with an action figure. I just keep it in my hand.

[Ryan]

Key.

[Foley]

Luke got it for me.

[Luke]

Must be Kryptonite, the way you bombing.

[Ryan]

Not great either.

[Foley]

What?

[Luke]

That was okay. It was a little too cool. Like, I made it. Try to sound too cool.

[Foley]

You did say we're to cook him.

[Ryan]

You code switching an amon. Okay, okay. Okay, Guy. All right. Let's see here. This one's from. I guess this is a Pokemon reference. Bugman. Blastoise. Blastoise. Is that Blastoid? This is Blast Toys.

[Luke]

Blast Toys. Yeah. Se.

[Ryan]

Yeah. I O I is a good Pokemon to be.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Foley]

Nice.

[Luke]

It's One of the OGs.

[Foley]

Really?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Foley]

Sweet. I'd be in the little ball.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Foley]

I come out fucking somebody else.

[Luke]

Always is huge. He's a third evolution.

[Foley]

What can I do?

[Luke]

You got two tank water cannons on your back.

[Foley]

Water cannons?

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Foley]

What am I doing with that?

[Ryan]

Showering people. Okay. I'm in.

[Foley]

Water cannons.

[Luke]

You got hydro pump. You got a bunch of moves.

[Foley]

I got moves.

[Ryan]

Okay. All right.

[Foley]

Anyway, I want lasers, phasers, bombs.

[Luke]

Your Mega Evolution kind of does that, but that's a later thing that I didn't really?

[Ryan]

Get. Oh, my God.

[Foley]

Let's discuss this more. What do you want? Shoebox?

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Sorry. I'm sorry. The guy trying to run the show. I'm sorry, Am I bothering you?

[Foley]

Let's go. Toby Maguire. Topher Grace. You sit down.

[Ryan]

Cards.

[Foley]

You sit at a poker table with your headphones on. Getting a massage. I love that. Getting a massage.

[Luke]

Plate.

[Foley]

Card.

[Luke]

Me.

[Foley]

Massage.

[Ryan]

Do you think this is fine? I feel like you're really. You really think you're talking to me?

[Luke]

No.

[Ryan]

You don't not think that? You really just pictured me, Mr. McGuire, my hood up, sunglasses on, getting a massage, all aloof.

[Foley]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

Yeah.

[Foley]

Some chick that thinks you're gross. She definitely does.

[Ryan]

It'd be great if I had a girl walk out and start massaging me right now. Eating a sandwich or something. I was always very performative. That kind of stuff. Like. Yeah, I used. We used to play, like, real shitty games at, like, the Taj and stuff like that. And there would be people. You didn't like that. It's crazy what you take offense to. It's. Yeah, I say that. And you think. I think. I'm saying I'm better than you. There's something in it. No, there's something. There's something. Taj.

[Foley]

We drive down to the Taj, dude.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Ryan]

What we do?

[Foley]

Listen in a Nickelback.

[Ryan]

Aren't you in a band right now?

[Foley]

No.

[Ryan]

And you're breaking my balls for trying to be cool. What are you talking about? You're insane.

[Foley]

Shout out to Mr. Rooster. Not in the band.

[Ryan]

They wouldn't let you in, huh? Only. Only using you for clout.

[Foley]

No.

[Ryan]

What are you paying them to be friends with them?

[Foley]

Like Sandler. Funny people.

[Ryan]

You're the roadie.

[Foley]

I move some gear.

[Ryan]

There would be. You'd be playing a game. You have like a hundred bucks and fifty. Like, there's the small potatoes. Smallest game that. You know what I mean?

[Foley]

Oh, I knew that.

[Ryan]

I want to say the name of the game to make even more mad.

[Foley]

Please. Shuffle Butter. Whatever it's called. I'm a fucking trapezoid. What's it called? Azoid.

[Ryan]

Nothing on that.

[Foley]

I got water cannons.

[Ryan]

You got cannons.

[Foley]

Your whole table.

[Ryan]

A pair of double Ds, if you ask me.

[Foley]

Nuh.

[Ryan]

Okay. He's got really yes. And stuff.

[Foley]

I do have gorilla title titties, though. I have, like, old man gorilla titties because they're sagging. My nips are, like, razor sharp, too. I look like a silverback.

[Luke]

More of a Snorlax.

[Ryan]

Yeah. This conversation's a borlax. Tell you that much. Whatever. So there I am playing 2, 4, Omaha.

[Luke]

You want to be like an operator too?

[Foley]

All right, two, four, Omaha.

[Ryan]

I'm pot committed.

[Foley]

But I gotta hurry up. We're almost at a pretzel rods. Theresa's coming from Vader's to pick me up.

[Ryan]

Hopefully. How old am I in this? And she's coming to pick me up.

[Foley]

Hopefully. The guy squeezed that trunk.

[Ryan]

He was.

[Foley]

Kevin, get your fat ass in the car.

[Ryan]

I was never fat.

[Foley]

Mom's gotta get home and get a good night's sleep.

[Ryan]

Oh, he's yelling that. Oh,

[Foley]

we're back, baby.

[Ryan]

At minute 58, I die. Don't forget, I want to be buried in your front yard.

[Foley]

20ft.

[Ryan]

10$, homie. Never have one. Red. What is the most garbage snack to have in a hospital? I saw a patient at work have a big box of club crackers and a can of cheese spray. That's it. We gotta wrap it up. That is certified dirt bag shit. Dude, dude, Imagine club crackers are so dressed.

[Foley]

Dude.

[Ryan]

A can of spray cheese at a hospital is wild.

[Foley]

Over by the flowers and ginger doctors.

[Ryan]

So doctors looking over the X rays in front of you.

[Foley]

You're doing it through the cracker.

[Ryan]

Oh, once I figured you could do that, get out of town.

[Foley]

I bet you did. Two on the Omaha, three on the club crackers Gambie level. See you next week.

[Luke]

Peace.