Chain Restaurants Edition w/ Kippy & Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast – Episode Summary: Chain Restaurants Edition with Kippy & Foley

Episode Information

• Title: Chain Restaurants Edition w/ Kippy & Foley
• Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Release Date: March 13, 2025
• Description: Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan explore the realm of chain restaurants, sharing personal anecdotes and hilarious listener stories to determine if these establishments are truly "garbage."

---

Introduction

In this lively episode, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dive into the world of chain restaurants, reminiscing about their own experiences and sharing amusing tales submitted by listeners. The conversation is peppered with humor, relatable stories, and sharp commentary on the culture surrounding popular dining chains like Applebee's, Red Robin, and Outback Steakhouse.

---

Personal Experiences at Chain Restaurants

Kevin Ryan and H. Foley kick off the discussion by reflecting on their childhood and teenage years spent frequenting various chain restaurants. They recount family outings, first job memories, and the unique atmosphere that these establishments fostered.

• H. Foley reminisces about family trips to Applebee's:

  "What do you get? Chicken tenders? You're not hanging out with the Kennedys. You know what I mean?"
  [03:13]

• Kevin Ryan shares a nostalgic moment:

  "The first time I had ice cream on a hot brownie blew my hair back."
  [11:33]

These anecdotes highlight the blend of comfort food and social dynamics that make chain restaurants a staple in many families' lives.

---

Listener Stories and Anecdotes

The episode is rich with listener-submitted stories that range from the humorous to the downright absurd. Here are some standout moments:

1. Big Tony’s Applebee’s Experience:

   • Kevin Ryan recounts Tony’s tale of waiting an hour for dollar drinks:

     "Is it garbage to sit there for an hour and not order anything? I'll just do the water till 10."
     [20:36]

2. Reggie’s Red Lobster Mishap:

   • H. Foley shares Reggie’s embarrassing moments:

     "I puked all over the table at Red Lobster when I was seven. Why the fuck they giving lobster to a kid?"
     [27:34]

3. Desiree’s Chili’s Romance:

   • Kevin Ryan narrates a quirky love story:

     "I met my first wife at a Chili's as a waitress. Got married two months later, only to find out we were step cousins."
     [60:26]

These stories underscore the unpredictable and often hilarious experiences diners can encounter at chain restaurants.

---

Cultural Commentary on Chain Restaurants

Beyond personal stories, Ryan and Foley provide insightful (and comedic) observations on the impact of chain restaurants on social interactions and community life.

• H. Foley critiques the commercialization:

  "You pay $20, we’ll give you a shit ton of food is what it is."
  [44:38]

• Kevin Ryan discusses the homogenization of dining experiences:

  "Food is such. Being there like. Like I want. I can get tenders from anywhere."
  [36:29]

The hosts delve into how these establishments create a uniform experience that can both connect and alienate patrons.

---

Humorous Reflections and Host Banter

Throughout the episode, the chemistry between Ryan and Foley keeps the conversation vibrant and entertaining. They engage in playful banter, poking fun at each other’s experiences and exaggerating the quirks of chain restaurants.

• H. Foley jokes about their friendship:

  "Mike Hoes is coming at you from across the table. He is a CEO of Are you garbage? He is an international businessman."
  [01:18]

• Kevin Ryan ribbing Foley on visiting the Cheesecake Factory:

  "I didn't think Applebee's was considered garbage, but Cheesecake Factory, that's different."
  [12:46]

These interactions add a layer of humor and relatability, making the episode both informative and thoroughly entertaining.

---

Conclusion

As the episode wraps up, Ryan and Foley reflect on the enduring presence of chain restaurants in their lives and the stories they've collected. They emphasize that while these establishments may have their flaws, they hold a special place in many people's hearts through shared memories and unique experiences.

"Please. If you haven't, check out the Route 66 tour on the YouTube page. We love you. See you next week."
[62:05]

This episode of "Are You Garbage?" offers a humorous yet heartfelt exploration of chain restaurants, making it a must-listen for anyone who has ever dined at these ubiquitous establishments.

---

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• H. Foley: "It's like a tic tac toe board in there."
  [01:05]

• Kevin Ryan: "Go to shopify.com garbage to upgrade your selling today."
  (Skipped as part of advertisement)

• Reggie: "I used to puke all over the table at Red Lobster when I was seven."
  [27:34]

• Kevin Ryan: "Double the cousins. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang."
  [61:59]

• H. Foley: "Half the deal, double the fun."
  [44:41]

(Note: Promotional segments and non-content sections were omitted to focus solely on the episode's core discussions.)

---

Final Thoughts

"Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast – Chain Restaurants Edition" delivers a blend of humor, nostalgia, and sharp social commentary. Through personal stories and listener anecdotes, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley paint a vivid picture of what it's like to navigate the world of chain dining, proving that even in "garbage," there's plenty of comedy gold.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Gang, we want to thank everybody for all the love and support on the Route 66 Special. It is out now. If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor and check it out. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the Back on the Block tour starts this week. Tickets still available for Pontiac, Michigan. March 8th, March 11th, Milwaukee Improv. And then March 14th, Minneapolis, Minnesota, at the Fillmore. Get your tickets. Are you garbage.com? we'll see you there.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are youe Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. Beautiful spring day. Tooties got the screen windows put in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

A lot of holes in those things, if you know what I mean.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple of crack pipes.

[H. Foley]

Couple of crack pipes. Some fucking bowls, whatever she's doing with them. It's like a tic tac toe board in there. Like weevils got at him or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

And O's got it.

[H. Foley]

Mike Hoes is coming at you from across the table. He is a CEO of Are you garbage? He is an international businessman. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. Let me tell you this right now. When you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a favor. You make it a kippy. Give it up for Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you review, subscribe rate. Review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available on Spotify. Go over there. Leave your little comments. We're climbing the charts.

[H. Foley]

Climbing the charts over that Spotify. I don't want to die.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Kids are a cookie.

[H. Foley]

Tell that Mel Robbins to step aside. The boys are in town.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all your bonus content, gang.

[H. Foley]

And of course, the Route 66 Tour.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go check out the special, baby.

[H. Foley]

You'll.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you. If you've ever wondered if you're part of the army of garbage, go watch that. And if that don't punch you right in the dick, I don't know what does you ain't my kind of guy.

[H. Foley]

You'll laugh, you'll cry. Good thing there's no smell o vision on this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fast forward a little bit.

[H. Foley]

Let me tell you this.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Let me take you back. It's a Friday night, so you're in about eighth grade.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm listening.

[H. Foley]

You spent the afternoon in class. Probably got a little swamp ass. You get home.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm listening.

[H. Foley]

Probably had some cigarettes. Eighth, right? Probably smoking some heaters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait in school.

[H. Foley]

Waiting for the. I don't know what you do under the bleachers out by the woods.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that was. Heaters were still weekend. I was a weekend warrior when it came to heaters at that age.

[H. Foley]

Maybe you looked at your nudie mags or whatever. Denise gets home from work, nothing's in the fridge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, that sounds about right.

[H. Foley]

You got three hungry kids. What does she say? Load up the bravado. We're going out to Applebee's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Applebee's on Street Road down there. Street Road in like Noel's Ave or something like Feast. I'm talking Feasterville. Not down there with the dirt bags at the opposite end.

[H. Foley]

Wash your hands. Clean the boogers out of your nose.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. So this was.

[H. Foley]

Start your Limewire download before you leave.

[Kevin Ryan]

This was. This was it for us. We were in Applebee's family. So at this point. Eighth grade. Seventh. Eighth grade. Whatever. My brother and sister were kind of gone. My sister's in college at that point. My brother's going to a school in Philadelphia. So he's. He was.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was just kind of loosey good. He's living with my aunt. Not living. My aunt. Living with. Living with a. Living with the rich kids.

[H. Foley]

Is that what he was doing? He was. That. He went to Episcopal. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

He went to Pen Charter.

[H. Foley]

Very good school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very good school.

[H. Foley]

If you don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple of strings had to be pulled to get him in there. I think he had to repeat two or three years.

[H. Foley]

He did 21 year old in 10th grade.

[Kevin Ryan]

He doubled up on 10th grade or something. He's ahead of his time.

[H. Foley]

I didn't know that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Wow. That. He was. You were. Man, you are trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

What you were doing.

[H. Foley]

He was down there staying with an aunt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, my aunt lived in Jersey, but her kids also went there.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know how they all got in there. Good Lord. But. So they all stayed together.

[H. Foley]

That's a premium Philadelphia School District.

[Kevin Ryan]

Academy.

[H. Foley]

Academy, yeah. Is that a friend school?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think so.

[H. Foley]

Everyone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Quaker school.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Quakers down there. Yikes used to creep me out.

[Kevin Ryan]

All I knew is we start brainwashing.

[H. Foley]

You when we went there. I knew that place was haunted. Wherever we went, like a, you know, Abington Friends or whatever it was. I'm not going in that locker, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I ain't taking my underwear off around here. You go get me.

[H. Foley]

God damn. Then that'll get me.

[Kevin Ryan]

But at that point, I'm by myself. It's me, my mom. My mom comes home from work. Probably was there ever. It's a rainy. It's a rainy spring night. We're in. We're probably at this point, we're probably in the Sebring. I had a little bit of a leak in that, I got to be honest.

[H. Foley]

Sebring convertible.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sebring convertible. Her midlife crisis car. She let my brother. Yeah, my stepdad's in the picture. But she let my brother negotiate that deal when he was about 13 years old, not even joking. They were driving by, he goes, let's go. Look at that. He went in and he's like, listen, we'll do like five. We'll do five. Roll this over.

[H. Foley]

He's up there kicking the tires. Pen charter uniform on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Beating the kid up on price. My stepdad worked down around the street road. That's where his shop was. So we would go, oh, Joe's wrapping up at the shop. It's Friday night. They're each looking for some cocktails. I'm looking for some chicken tendies.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where does that happen? Eat and go to the neighborhood. Shout out the Applebee.

[H. Foley]

If you weren't in the picture.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Say you drowned in a pool or.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something at the bar. At Applebee's, not the booth.

[H. Foley]

They'd be out enjoying themselves. Yeah, but they got you third wheeling it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Gumming up the works.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, that was a lot of birthdays there. A lot of times just me and my mom, or me, my mom, my stepdad. Just there. Just. Just there. That was the first time I. Signature cocktail. That was absolute and tonics. Doubles, big glass.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

That's. What do you mean, what? What? Me also.

[Kevin Ryan]

Except that was an absolute and tonic man also too. What?

[H. Foley]

Which I respect the absolute. Absolute hit hard. Everybody loved absolute.

[Kevin Ryan]

The merch alone. You were fucking all over.

[H. Foley]

And then absolute Citron. Oh my God. Absolute. Then it all fell apart with Pinnacle. And what was the one? The cotton candy one. Was that Pinnacle?

[Kevin Ryan]

Pinnacle. Yeah. The Pinnacle had all the different three olives. Shout out. Three of us. I remember, we had it. We had a bottle. We had a bottle of absolute pepper.

[H. Foley]

When the coke's all going. When you're out of salt, hit the pepper.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember taking a nip of that one time. Must have been about 12 years. Woo, man. Felt like a bang bang. I was doing a line of. A line of coke and gunpowder.

[H. Foley]

Is that what they do.

[Kevin Ryan]

A bang bang?

[H. Foley]

I think the Somalis are throwing over.

[Kevin Ryan]

There, getting all hopped up. Shout out to Coney, Joseph Coney. Got those child warriors all hopped up on bang bangs.

[H. Foley]

A pair of sweats and an ak, look out.

[Kevin Ryan]

But a lot of my time we were there and then they would go out. I've said this before, they would go out on their anniversary or birthdays. They'd go to Outback and the kids couldn't go.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Which we were never really. Other than a few times with the family. My parents looked at those places as more expensive for some reason, which I didn't get. They never. I think maybe when they. When the. The rib deal was going on at Chili's or whatever, maybe they took advantage of that. But either my dad didn't trust him. He liked the Denny's. We do a Denny's. We'd do a Ponderosa, do a ground round. The first, you know, incarnation of the casual dining chain spot. But I do have to say this. When you're going to an Applebee's on a Friday night as a family and there's two separate cars, buddy, that's bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

He's out there in the word. Then you leave. Going to the. Some reason as a kid, walking out of that place, going to the parking lot. I'll see you guys at home. And he goes and gets in his car, and you get in the car with your mom or vice versa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I never thought about it.

[H. Foley]

That wasn't happening at the Dempsey household.

[C]

I've been like four times.

[H. Foley]

I thought your parents were getting divorced.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that it was. Yeah. So that the first time I had barbecue chicken done. Right. I blew my hair back. Also. I remember the first. We were a big Pizza Hut family, too. Shout out to Pizza Pizza Hut. The.

[H. Foley]

The.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sit down. I'd go there with my mom. That was the first time. Listen. We were trash. The people going there were trash. I'm not being. I'm not being rude, but, you know, you plant potatoes, you're going to get potatoes. You're. You're hanging out at a pizza. You're not. You're not hanging out with the Kennedys. You know what I mean? So I remember the first time. Ever seen in public, the cell phones had Just come out and it was the first time ever. This girl was just this woman, grown woman. Said the booth next to us was just going through all of her ringtones. Al. That'd be like watching a YouTube video today. No headphones, just. I remember being like, this is crazy. That's the first time that might ever happen. Someone played his cell phone. That might have been like the impetus.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

At a Pizza Hut.

[H. Foley]

That was important back then. That defined you as a person, what your ringtone was. Then, of course, you know, the. The little clips of the song and all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to it. Smoke on the Water I had was the first one I downloaded. Cost me about 9.99.

[H. Foley]

That was your song.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but it was still the buttons. Like, it wasn't the. It wasn't the noise. It was just Smoke on the Water played via, you know.

[H. Foley]

Now would your mom order for you?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'd. Or would you be. You'd be a big boy. I'd be a big boy. I always got the chicken tenders.

[H. Foley]

Maybe speak up, say thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

We would do the chicken tenders. I do the chicken tenders. My stepdad would get some sort of steak. Always a steak. And then afterwards it'd be digging in his teeth with. With. He'd be digging in his teeth with a toothpick that I think came in. In the martini or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Good eating right there. He's got the little sword.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was with the sword.

[H. Foley]

That's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

So sucking back, dude. Like the. Like. Like a Dyson trying to get those tender bits of steak.

[H. Foley]

As an older man, I really appreciate that, man. Really appreciate that. Doing a little digging.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So that was. That was. I mean, we were, you know, Fridays, of course, Applebee's for sure. But that was my mom's go to. That was like celebrations. That was the first place I ever had ice cream on a hot brownie. And I told everybody the duality of temperatures blew my fucking hair back.

[H. Foley]

They call it a la mode.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that what that means?

[H. Foley]

A la mode?

[Kevin Ryan]

I always thought that French Albert.

[H. Foley]

Fat ass kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it was my birthday and, man, I remember dipping in, like, the spoon melting the ice cream. And I remember being like, I'll give it a shot.

[H. Foley]

The melted ice.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought only they did it. I was like, you guys gotta get down the Applebee's in Feasterville.

[H. Foley]

I could just say it on the news.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I didn't know that was like, at restaurants. Cause we weren't a dessert family. I was just. It was my birthday or something.

[H. Foley]

I got it that's why they're great. They just took the extra step. You get a brownie and ice cream at home. Unless they're coming out of the oven, she's not gonna take the brownie and put it in a bowl, pop it in the microwave for a couple of, you know, for 20 seconds to get it warm, and then throw a dollop of Chef Ramsay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe any fucking. Denise was not doing that, man.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was. Who we. I was. I mean, like, I didn't. Also didn't find out chain restaurants. And obviously, when we say trashy, obviously, they're amazing. I love them. We go to them on the road. I was at a cheese. I was at a Cheesecake Factory, which I wouldn't lump into that, but people do.

[H. Foley]

Cheesecake Factory, you said?

[Kevin Ryan]

I just.

[H. Foley]

I had it, gentlemen.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had it yesterday in North Jersey.

[H. Foley]

You did?

[Kevin Ryan]

I did.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had to convince my wife. She's been there, but she had forgot. I don't know how you forget the factory. And I was like, yeah, it's great. They got a lot of good things. Meanwhile, I knew I was getting that chicken parm sandwich.

[H. Foley]

You heard that work whistle. Let's go punch in at the factory.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got my Ardat on 18. 20 calories out the door. Door.

[H. Foley]

Dude, the iced tea is 1800. I. Dude, you get unsweetened iced tea there, it's 4000 calories.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uhhuh.

[H. Foley]

They got to get rid of all that. Putting that in our faces.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sick all day.

[H. Foley]

Try to have a good time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I would lump that in. I didn't find out Applebee's was tr. You know, cons not considered high class.

[H. Foley]

Well, here's the thing. Sorry to cut you off.

[Kevin Ryan]

My boy Flip. His parents were a little more cultured. Like, a little more. I would call them, artsy douchebags. Remember his dad like jazz? I was like, what the. Dude, what is he. What is he back in time? What do you mean, like jazz?

[H. Foley]

Where do the lyrics kick in? It's got no hook on it. Dude, this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does he not know any stones? This guy stinks.

[H. Foley]

Jazz, to a kid, might have been a stun gun.

[Kevin Ryan]

But he was like, we going to. He just said it in passing one time. Yeah, it's like Applebee's or whatever. I was like, whoa. You know, like, that was. I heard it in path that it was married. It wasn't considered good. And I was like, well, at the.

[H. Foley]

For a minute, they. I mean, not for a minute. For a while, they were. I mean, that was, you know, What? I mean, that was it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was. The nicest places we would go were just chain restaurants. You know, a Fridays out there or wherever or we would do like Philly at that point had a couple in northeast Philly. There was a couple independent ones. There were like bars, but their version of like a TGI I know the.

[H. Foley]

Guy that kind of started that stuff in Philly. For a long time in Philly, it was either you know, like a diner or it was a really nice like, you know, like a. Like a five star restaurant. What's the. What's the French joint that was down there? You remember that French place, Les Bozo, something like that. Le Beck Finn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Le Beck Finn.

[H. Foley]

It was like. It was like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I always thought they just serve like sharks and stuff. Stuff there. Like, I thought it was like high end seafood. It had Finn in the name. That's all that, buddy. They didn't have. They were serving fish.

[H. Foley]

Got me eating walrus. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was like, nah, dude.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And then the, you know, the smaller casual dining places started popping up. But that wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for the big chains.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were the trailblazers.

[H. Foley]

Goddamn Fridays. Chili's Ponderosa, me a break.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we. We have all. One of our. One of my favorite meals ever was with you at a. Altoona, Pennsylvania or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Tuna.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cold day in Altoona the very weekend where are you? Garbage started.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

On that ride home, I was making fun of you for drinking milk with dinner. But we had across like five lanes of highway to get to a fucking empty. Empty Fridays.

[H. Foley]

An oasis.

[Kevin Ryan]

Empty.

[H. Foley]

It was empty in the middle of a desert.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we. I remember putting die. I go, you want to do a. I do a sampler and man sampler to start. Hey, man. Talk of Le Beck Finn who Shout.

[H. Foley]

Out to DGI I remember the nap I took after that I. E. Sugar coma. CP time.

[Kevin Ryan]

That Jack Daniels barbecue sausage. All right, but let's get into it. So obviously we're talking chain restaurants, casual diner. I'm talking your. Everything from your chichis to your Applebee's to your Friday Ponderosa Grill, whatever that was for you. Because some of them are regional, obviously.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And in some of the smaller, more rural areas, these are like the restaurants. Like you got to drive 30, 40 minutes to get to the Applebee's and they're throwing out the best food. Catch a weight.

[H. Foley]

Catch a weight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Catch a weight. I remember, wait. Used to get the pager.

[H. Foley]

Get the pager.

[Kevin Ryan]

The pager. Jesus Christ. We were big. My dad would pull up. Someone run in and put our name in. And that was you. Always felt like you were like a forward operating marine team. How you like roll out of the car and still be moving. Let me get five for smoking under Dan.

[H. Foley]

You know where the Foleys didn't do well everywhere. Waiting. Waiting for your table in the vestibule. Going into the restaurant where the benches.

[Kevin Ryan]

Were two kids fighting.

[H. Foley]

Talk about, get over here, move.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was always a good family across from you where they were like holding their kids back from you. Like, oh, no, look at these. Me with dude, Danny had to be in a headlock.

[H. Foley]

I'm crying chasing a gumball on the floor. Yeah, bad news. Asking for change at any moment. Dinner could be ruined until we got to the table. And even at the table, all it took was one knocked over Shirley Temple and it was gonna be a bad night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if my dad ever had a peaceful, enjoyable meal until I was in college. Then we like, he liked going out to dinner with us. We get down to Ralph's down in Philly, get on the muscles, all that shit. Ruin a shirt, sure. But up until that, it was just.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Chaos could break out at any moment.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

What are you doing? Helix. Helix, Helix, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Woo hoo.

[H. Foley]

Kippy. Let's talk about Helix mattresses. I know you got one. I got one. Gang, do yourself a favor. Get over to Helix, Take the quiz, find out how you sleep, get a little information. How long does the quiz take, you ask?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. Probably was it an hour?

[H. Foley]

Two, three minutes? Pinhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why they're good.

[H. Foley]

Find out whether you sleep on your side, on your back. Are you a heavy sleeper? Are you a light sleeper? Do you sleep hot? Do you sleep cold? Find all that stuff out. They match up with the perfect mattress for you. Helix, the last mattress you're ever gonna have.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, before I had a Helix mattress, I used to wake up. My wife would wake up, I'd be at the end of the bed like a. Like an old detective with a case hanging. I couldn't sleep well, I don't sleep great. Helix is the only good sleep I can get. If I'm on the road, I get bad sleep because I'm not my Helix. I gotta get home and get to the Helix baby. Everybody knows that. It's the best sleep I had in my life. And when I'm not in my Helix, I. Boy, do I miss it.

[H. Foley]

And he is cranky.

[Kevin Ryan]

Some other guy is go to helixleep.com garbage for 20% off site wide, baby. That's 20% off [e-mail] garbage one more time. 20% off sitewide helixleep.com garbage I do it, kid.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about Shopify.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Shopify.

[H. Foley]

Are we a Shopify family here?

[Kevin Ryan]

Why do you ask me stupid questions? Of course we're a Shopify family.

[H. Foley]

When you go to our website, what's the checkout? Is it Shopify?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That's why everything goes smoothly, because Shopify is running point on it, Daddy.

[H. Foley]

We know we got a lot of hustlers out there. We know we got a lot of guys trying to get some projects off the ground side. Selling this, they're selling that. But they want to make it their main, main, main gig. Shopify can help you do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Before Shop Fight, we were using some bozo ass company. I forget what it was, but everything was getting jammed up. I was. This order was getting lost. Hey, I never got this. I never got that things weren't being completed. Hey, I paid you. I didn't get a receipt. This whole nine yards. Shopify. I ain't had to worry about nothing since. So upgrade your business and get the same exact checkout that we're using over [e-mail]. sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com garbage. All lowercase, by the way. Go to shopify.com garbage to upgrade your selling today. One more time. Get a pen. Get a pencil. Upgrade your. Listen, they're the biggest seller. There's closing deals all over the place. Get in with Shopify. Shopify.com garbage. Do it. Do it. All right, let's see here. Let's get into it. This one's from Big Tony. This is more of a story. One time, six buddies and I went to Applebee's for the dollar drinks back in 2018. We got there at 9pm and found out after we were seated, the promotion was from 10 to 2. Is it garbage to sit there for an hour and not order anything? I'll just do the water till 10. Thank you very much. That I respect. I mean, we at that point, just.

[H. Foley]

Give it to him. What are you doing coming off at 11?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's probably not in the system.

[H. Foley]

I'm not gonna make it till 10:30 anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll be carrying me out of here. I remember one time on the road with a comic that I didn't know. He's like, let's stop at Applebee's. I said, all right. We were like, you Know, whatever they were like, are you here for dollar readers? And I said I wasn't. But I fucking. This guy's driving. I had two, he had three.

[H. Foley]

Those things are quiet assassins.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You get up to go to the bathroom, you're cross eyed, stumbling back.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're in the girls room with your dress over your head.

[H. Foley]

Crying.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one too. I don't know about you, but for us. So as a kid we went to these, you know, went to these chain restaurants a lot. And then as an older kid, high school when you had a little bit of freedom, we all had like a day. Not a day job, we all had job like, you know, some sort of after school or weekend job.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So we would make like 150 bucks a week or whatever like that. So you had a little bit of cage, a little bit of spending care. And we would. We started going back to Applebee's in high school as like seniors a little bit. And that was our. To have like a waiter.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is in high school for a, For a high school dirt bag is like, you know. Meanwhile, as a kid we went to school with.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And I look back, I look back, we. Denny's was our place for that in high school and college. And I look back thinking, man, that poor fucking server fucking sucked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Couple of fuckers. I've had that wait and take a couple of rats just in there fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

In there too long. No one can do the math to Sugar Caddy. No one can do the math for 20%.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Getting ripped off.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know it's. And we would go. And then I think even a little bit afterwards, like somebody start. Or maybe we're like with an older kid. A kid who was a little bit older id. So like one kid would be getting a. He had a fake id so he'd be ordering a beer. Meanwhile, I hadn't hit puberty yet. I'm like, dude, this is crazy that this 22 year old's hanging out with this fucking kid who's 14, you know what I mean? But that was a big line. That was like another big thing. So this is, this is from Ace the homie. We used to go to Applebee's for weeknight karaoke in high school. They were doing stuff.

[H. Foley]

I mean, that's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'd order like one appetizer each and watch my friend. It's watch my friend sing. Enrique Iglesias, hero. He put on a hell of a show for the whole place. I mean in a more small town, that is the entertain. Like that's what I'm saying that's where you're going.

[H. Foley]

High school. That's. That's nerd shit right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Go to get.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get in the garage, baby. I can't do that every night. People's parents are home, you gotta go fucking. I gotta go get some trim at the Applebee Man.

[H. Foley]

Karaoke in an Applebee?

[Kevin Ryan]

You did comedy at an Applebee's?

[H. Foley]

I did on New Year's Eve. I was Philadelphia.

[Kevin Ryan]

So jealous I wasn't on that show.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

You? Tommy Pope, Schmi and finance Chris Cotton?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, you really get a big gig like this, you don't let Kippy wet his beak.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I remember that. That flyer still floating around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I know. I have it hanging on my wall with a big xoly.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they really, they really started expanding those things and trying to do more.

[Kevin Ryan]

They try to be like neighborhood bars.

[H. Foley]

But it's funny when that all collapsed and like you'd be in there eating with your family and you go to the. Where's the bathroom? Oh, it's upstairs. And you get upstairs to like a banquet hall and you're like, what the fuck is this? Tables are all flipped over, there's mop buckets everywhere. That shit got shut down real quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. All right. This one's from another generation of garbage. When I was 17, my mom and I went to Red Robin. Great burgers. A girl I went to school with said one of the other servers thought I was cute. The girl gave me her number the next day. Like the curve. The girl he went to school with gave the coworker's number to him. The next day at school when I went to hang out with her, she turned out to be 35 and had her own apartment. She wasn't bad looking and had a great body. She was 35. At work at Red Robin that night I received my first bj. Red Robin will always have a special place in my heart. Even 32 years later, I miss her and think of her often. What a gal.

[H. Foley]

Also so many, let alone the unlimited basket of fries.

[Kevin Ryan]

So many things have broken down in that night. The kid's there with his mom. A 35 year old woman sees a high school kid there with his mom, goes, hey, that kid's got it going on. Tells another 8, 7, 18, 18 year old girl, hey, give him my number. They hang out, catches a humming, catches a fucking flowy. As Yanni Pappas would say, how wild is that? That's what it goes back to the supermarket. These places in Suburban or rural areas are the, like a lot of people's like first what at first jobs, first crushes, first date. Like are. Are. These are like, you know, the hubs of certain. Certain things.

[H. Foley]

That guy will never be able to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drive by a Red without thinking of catching a hawk, dude. Imagine being 18. Hopefully he's 18. Catching a. Catching a hummy.

[H. Foley]

35 with her own apartment, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

A 35 year old red Robin waitress. That is a specific kind of broad. This is. It's got to be in the 90s too. 32 years later. What's 32 years from now? It's got to be. This is like 95. Dude.

[H. Foley]

Talk about playing it faster. Loose.

[Kevin Ryan]

That girl is all right. I'm talking teardrop, but.

[H. Foley]

I wonder what she was driving. A Mitsubishi something.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was something without a hubcap.

[H. Foley]

RAV4 Mitsubishi. Yeah, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably stick too. That was. That was. That was a manual transmission, man.

[H. Foley]

A girl that drove stick back then. What are you in the army?

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a. Got a heater hanging out of the side of her mouth.

[H. Foley]

Don't be a. My husband won't be home for another hour. I don't know, lady.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a car seat in the back.

[H. Foley]

There's definitely some takeout back there too. The waitress taking her dinner home from work.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. All right. This one's from thick bones Jones. $5 modelo. Never have one Red. Family rarely went out to eat since there was five of us. Yeah, one night we went to Chili's. Everything was going great. The Cokes were flowing, the chips and salsa was bangin. I got the chicken crispers. How you doing? And asked for extra ranch. They brought out a gravy boat of ranch. I proceeded to eat the whole boat and then puked everything up in the parking lot. Thought that I used to puke. Most times going out to eat. Puked all over the table at a Red Lobster when I was seven. Why the fuck they giving lobster to a kid? My mom. My mom took me to a Walmart to get a shirt. My dad finished the meal that. I mean, come on, dude. That's fucking crazy. You would be surprised at the amount of submissions where kids threw up at chain restaurants.

[H. Foley]

I was never a puker. I wasn't a puker.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I can overeat puker. No, I was a drinking puker for sure. But I mean, one out of every four was. And then I threw up in the parking lot. Then I threw up on the table. That I threw up is crazy.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they get all excited, they start woofing down that marinara sauce. Next thing you know, they're yakking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, that's a dude. I mean, so many. There's just so many people have so many memories of just. That was it. Like we didn't go out, then we went out.

[H. Foley]

I remember the band, the first, the one of the only times that as a family and like when we'd go out to eat as a family would be my family, my cousin's family, the other cousins, everybody go out. We'd have like a table of 15. And I remember going to Red Lobster for the first time. I thought that was like the White House.

[Kevin Ryan]

I still don't think I've ever been to a Red Lobster.

[H. Foley]

And I remember when we got it being like, this fucking stinks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really? Oh, yeah, really.

[H. Foley]

That dude loves lobsters at the house better than this. Be all dry and shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had a family reunion at a Fridays. This just hit me. I wouldn't say reunion, but part of my dad's family, one of the. One of the brothers moved out to Hawaii or California or something. I had never. I had never seen him. I'm about 8, I don't know him.

[H. Foley]

Somebody moving from your family to Hawaii, man, the rumors going around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or maybe the kid. Or maybe he married a lady from Hawaii and they were living in California. Either way, the kid.

[H. Foley]

Wait, did I meet this guy? Was this guy at the park show, this family? Is that a possibility? I don't know because I talked to a family at the park show that are around your age that live out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, they shouldn't have been there. No, I didn't know that guy you were talking to.

[H. Foley]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, I forgot about that. I never seen that guy in my life. He was like a friend of a friend of a brother's friend.

[H. Foley]

Fucking went in on a timeshare with this guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I remember you going, yeah, we go down to Kanye. Hey, man, I get to look, I'm like, dude, I'll see you later. I don't fucking know this guy. I gotta work a room. Good people. What? So I've met them. I met my cousins for the first time and they were part Hawaiian because the mom was Hawaiian. And I. Dude, you tell 8 little 8 year old Kevin I'm at a TGI Fridays and they're going, these kids are your cousins? I said, you're. I ain't never met these kids in my life. I remember they got entree. They got like adult entrees. And I was ordering the chicken 10. Yeah, Fridays, you know, and they were like, I'll do, like, the. The sea bass or whatever. And I was like, jeez, what planet are you?

[H. Foley]

We weren't allowed to order entrees like that. You get a hamburger. That's hamburger and fried. Nothing that came with a super salad, I can tell you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember when it was like you weren't allowed to do the platter. The chicken finger platter. Sometimes I'd have to do the appetizer, chicken finger basket, which didn't come with fries typically, and sometimes the platter deluxe. Yeah, I used to know my dude. You can show me a menu from 50ft away. I could tell you where the chicken tenders were falling on it. Yeah, a kids menu. If it was like there was a.

[H. Foley]

Platter, port usually went, like, fourth in the appetite.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'll do the chicken tent sometimes. Sometimes I would just be, you know, coloring and look up. I wouldn't even look at the menu. Yeah, I went to Applebee's. I didn't need to look at the menu. But you still got the. You know why I'm here. Bring out. Bring out the money maker.

[H. Foley]

Give me the usual. Start heating up that brownie too.

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple extra toothpicks for my stepdad here.

[H. Foley]

Ah, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, all right. This one's from Jackie Treehorn. Great name. One of my dad's best friends got robbed by two ladies of the night he met at a TGI Friday's bar on a work trip. He took them up to his hotel room. They tied him up at knife point and tried to take his wallet. Jokes on them. He was hammered and left his wallet at the bar. He proudly told this story to my dad in front of me at a different TGI Fridays a few months later. Never return to the scene of the.

[H. Foley]

Crime, man, if you're working the TGI Fridays again.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is I. Dude. I remember doing a show in, like, upstate Pennsylvania at a Ramada, and that bar was like, the bar. That was the bar. And I was sitting there waiting to go on and bomb. And there was, like, people hanging out and a couple of, you know, night crawlers.

[H. Foley]

Ladies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, And I'm like, she, you know.

[H. Foley]

You on the show too?

[Kevin Ryan]

How long you been doing comedy? I'm three years in. I'm the host. I got moved down from feature.

[H. Foley]

Man. That's a tale right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. I mean, it's just so. That's. Listen, you're an older guy, you know, middle aged guy. You're on a business trip. It's not like you're in. You're not in downtown Philadelphia. Midtown Manhattan.

[H. Foley]

Look who you're talking to.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're going to. You're going to a T.G.I. freedies or get. Fuck getting worked over. Dude jokes on them being so fucked up, you left. You left your wallet at the bar.

[H. Foley]

He's just tied up, laughing.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got to still got to see your titties. Oh, man. All right, let's see here. This is from Abbeville. I was a server at Applebee's in Westchester, Pennsylvania when the Eagles won in 2018. The main host of the place was a die hard Eagles fan, called out for the parade and never came back. Go Birds. That's a. That guy's life. He probably died. I got ran over by a horse or something.

[H. Foley]

It was always great when somebody made it out. Yeah, he's not coming back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's a great. That's how you quit those jobs. When you're off a day you're not supposed to be off those jobs. A retail job, a shitty office job, you know, a chain restaurant, a shitty restaurant. This. You're getting that cycle of like, I work these days and these nights and these days. And the second you crack that and you have like a three day weekend, you go, what the fuck am I going back to this? Get a little bit of sunshine in your face. You touch a little grass.

[H. Foley]

I was big on getting my last paycheck. I'm gonna go in and get my paycheck and either not gonna show up for brunch the next day or tell them, hey, by the way, I'm done. I'm out. Go Birds.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're losing Applebee sock. And we've talked about this before, but Waiting has hit that. The movie waiting.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit that culture perfectly. Nail on the head, out of the fucking park. It's like, you know, every. If you grew up with a relatively dirt bag background, not even that you know every single person of in that movie. All right, this one's from Brandonio. I worked at an Outback steakhouse for seven plus years throughout high school and college. One time I was high on Molly and reversed my car into the building by the takeout room. Destroyed the back of my car. To this day, there's still an indent in the building and pieces of my tail light embedded in there. I love how you're like, yeah, pretty good gig. I'm on Molly all shift. That's pretty. That's great. I mean, Luke, can you find out what. Who's got the best go to? Go to their web. Go to every. Not Every. Go to the Give me Outback, give me Applebee's.

[C]

I got the top five.

[Kevin Ryan]

Top five what?

[C]

So we're starting out. We got Buffalo Wild Wings. They do about 4 billion Chili's. 4 billion Applebee's, Texas Roadhouse, all of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hold on.

[H. Foley]

$4 billion a year in revenue. Fuck. Well, what's the first one? Buffalo Wild Wings.

[C]

Buffalo Wild Wings.

[H. Foley]

I don't count that. Why? Yeah, that's not. That's not. That's not eating good in the neighborhood. That's not family.

[Kevin Ryan]

I might have to push.

[H. Foley]

I see where you're saying I've never been to one.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've never been to one. And they. They weren't. They came online when you were like, they. I've. They opened up in like 2014. Like I was already broke. Like I couldn't go to a Buffalo Wild Wings. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I was. Yeah, I take that back.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have loved. That's like a. That's like a Chickies and Pete's got up there.

[H. Foley]

I don't think I've ever been with actual Chicky and Pete's just at the stadiums. Crab fries, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't count.

[C]

So what do you want me to find?

[Kevin Ryan]

Find. Go to their home pages and find out who's got what specials are currently. You know what I mean? Yeah, it should be like in the banner. Like, hey, we got two for two days. Yeah, give me an out. Give me an Outback. Give me an Applebee's.

[H. Foley]

I can't believe. Four billion. Four billion.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go. Just go to the top five on that list you had. That's a lot of cash, a lot of tendies.

[H. Foley]

$4 billion.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're doing, uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Chili's 4 billion. Damn. Somebody's still eating there a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, a lot of fucking.

[H. Foley]

I think they dipped and came back, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they did too. Yeah. I mean, they got the fucking.

[H. Foley]

Because I remember they were in that. They were all in the toilet for all when they asked. When they started doing the curbside shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was insane to me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember I used to go to the one in Newtown is like, how.

[H. Foley]

Am I gonna get fucking free refills? Huh? How am I gonna fucking drive back here yesterday?

[Kevin Ryan]

A little top.

[H. Foley]

They go over the top with the packaging too. Yeah, it's nuts. It's like space age shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just to me that food is such. Being there like. Like I want. I can get tenders from anywhere. I got tender guy. My thing is like, that's part of the experience. You go There you sit, you break balls. You have a dollar reader. Someone gets too fucked up. Whatever. Whatever that is.

[H. Foley]

Smoking?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's part of it. The getting. The food's mediocre. I mean, if I'm getting, you know, food's fine at best, you know.

[H. Foley]

Are you a booth family?

[Kevin Ryan]

Always. Always a booth. I dad like the table today. I'm trying to think, did they have smoking?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, for sure. When I was a kid. For sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So at the one on Tree Road, you'd go in and to the left was the smoking set.

[H. Foley]

Like at the bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because now that I'm thinking, I've never been on the right side of.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, the bar area was smoking. Ripping heaters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. But I think even the. There was like an elevated platform on the left of the bar.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, there was like the high tops and shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no, no, no. They got mine were. You would walk in, it was like the Thunderdome a little bit. You'd walk in and the bar was right in front of you. And then everything else was like two or three steps up around that.

[H. Foley]

I think those play. That's the first time I saw the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bar that went all the way around the octagon bar. Two men enter, one man leaves.

[H. Foley]

Kept what's talking about? Or frames shout out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Aura frames again.

[H. Foley]

And a home run. Aura frames. What are you thinking about getting your mom for Mother's Day this year? I know it's a little small.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's getting her third aura frame that she can put in the powder room if she needs to because that's the best damn product out there.

[H. Foley]

Listen, if your mom, if your wife, if your aunt, if your uncle, mother in law, grandparents, grandfather, everybody loves it, man. Do yourself a favor. Aura frames, digital upload. Boom. What are the kids doing? Johnny's got a basketball game. Oh, how's Johnny doing? What are you going to do? You going to send the pics they upload right to the frame? Man, you keep it coming. Keeps them happy, shuts them up. Do yourself a favor. If you want the easiest gift to get your mother this Mother's Day, or somebody's got a birthday coming up, it's going to be an aura frame. You're going to look like a goddamn hero.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I said it before, getting an aura frame for these people means you ain't got to see them as much as you got to see them. Because they think you're saying, they think they're having dinner with you because you're over there, you're on the. You're on the nightstand Talk to the frame. Yeah, buddy, I'm busy. But the frames available for dinner, you know what I mean? Right now you can save on the perfect gift that keeps on giving by visiting Oraframes.com for a limited time, our listeners can get $20 off their best selling Carver Mat frame. Carver Mat with the go with Code garbage. That's Aura. Aura frames.com, promo code garbage. Don't forget to ment. The boy sent you. So you know. So you sent you to support for the show. I just had a stroke. Terms and conditions apply. Let them know the boys sent you $20 off code garbage. Do it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, kid. Let's talk about True work.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to True Work gang if.

[H. Foley]

You don't know True Work. True Work is hell bent on creating the most technical, high performance workwear in the world. The True Work story begins in the Colorado mountains where a trade worker knew that there had to be a better solution than wet, heavy gear that was weighing him down. And that is where True Work was born. Do yourself a favor. If you're an outdoor guy, if you're a working man, True Work is your answer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were kind enough to send us some stuff and it's tight gear. You get it? Cool. Listen, I'm not a. I'm not a blue collar guy no more. I hung up my work boots, you.

[H. Foley]

Know, like a real man putting those things on.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I go to the deli in and everybody thinks I'm a project manager on a. On a high rise being built. God damn.

[H. Foley]

GC over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no joke. I was stuck in traffic. It was pouring the other day and I watched this construction worker just soggy, just walking and he got in a truck.

[H. Foley]

I was like, you should have yelled.

[Kevin Ryan]

Out True Work promo code garbage. Sure, it's soft, stretchy, sweat, sweat wicking. Soft shell work pants are a major upgrade for overall wet, heavy jeans. Windproof, waterproof. The whole nine yards are taking care of you. True work has over 50,000 5 star reviews and countless stories from trade pros in every state and every job across the country. So check out their full lineup and get 15% off your first [e-mail] garbage. That's 15% off at TrueWerk. T r u e w e r k.com garbage. That speaking of the bar, this one I've never thought of and this is fantastic. This is from Roy Munson. Is it Garbage or use your red Robin gift card at the bar? Gift card. Money spends the same baby. So in my head, yeah, in my head if someone went, here's a $50 gift card to Chili's, I'd have to go sit down and eat dinner in my. I never thought I could just go to the bar and get 50 bucks worth of booze with me and the boys.

[H. Foley]

Can you do that?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what he's saying. Spends like money.

[H. Foley]

I thought they'd trip you up on shit like that. Nah, it's gotta be at a table.

[Kevin Ryan]

And ah, I mean, that's all I got. Even if it's a table.

[H. Foley]

Hooker took my wallet. This is what you're getting.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, even if it's at a table, you go, hey, drop the chips and salsa and keep the fucking Michelobes flowing. You know, man, if you caught that.

[H. Foley]

When they were doing one of those dollar drink specials, you'd be fucking, fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ossified to pull you out of there.

[H. Foley]

Bust a Molly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. This one's from Reggie. This is a deep cup. Deep, deep cut on a couple of things. Hey, gang. Never had one read. Is it garbage if you sold enough magazine subscriptions during the magazine drive in seventh grade that the school got a limo to take you and a bunch of other kids to TGI Fridays for lunch one day. Couldn't tell me shit on that day.

[H. Foley]

Fucking Glenn, Gary, Glen Ross.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. That was always a myth. If you sold whatever you'd get at limo ride, the Pizza Hut or whatever.

[H. Foley]

I'd never heard that.

[Kevin Ryan]

My life, you know, that was always a myth to me.

[H. Foley]

But selling what? Magazines?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So it would be like a drive of some sort.

[H. Foley]

We bought candy around Easter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, same thing. If you sold enough candy, the theory would always be like, all this school three towns away, sends you the top guy in a limo. And I never, I never seen it. But this kid fucking did it.

[H. Foley]

Hitting the fucking pavement.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kids like, blank check over here.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's awesome, man. Anything on a school day, forget it.

[H. Foley]

It was, you know, that's where I went to Chichi's for Spanish class. Loaded up the bus, went over there. It's fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

We went to Marita's Cantina. I remember we always used to. Whenever I was sick, I'd always make my mom stop and get Burger King. Which, like, seems counterproductive now that I'm an adult. I'd leave the doctor's office and go get Burger King.

[H. Foley]

When you were sick, you were like getting a physical.

[Kevin Ryan]

I forget. I'd be going home and we would get Burger King. I'd eat it in the car, ride home. Then she'd go back to work and.

[H. Foley]

I'd be dragged my feet on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd be at the crib, snoozing probably, or tugging my little rootski. What do you got, Lucas?

[C]

The deals are all like two for blank deals now, except Texas Roadhouse.

[H. Foley]

They have the Texas Roadhouse. Fantastic.

[C]

Yeah, they got the Monday margarita. Texas T Bone Tuesday. Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the Monday margarita? What's that?

[C]

Banging at this discounted margarita.

[H. Foley]

And let me tell you something, those things are strong as shit. You can't eat. It's all sugar. They're deli. I had a pomegranate at one when we went out. Holy shit. Three of those and I didn't know who I was talking about. Singing show tunes. Good night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[C]

And then you got. I mean, Applebee's has double the deal, double the fun meal deal for two.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just making shit up. Hey, give us 20 bucks, we'll give you a shit ton of food is what it.

[H. Foley]

Double the food, double the deal, double the fun.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what do you got? It said it seems very used car salesman. Yeah, there's just a guy out front.

[C]

Doing this Chili's three for one.

[H. Foley]

What's three for one?

[Kevin Ryan]

Three for one? Apps.

[C]

So you get an app, an entree, and a drink for one for the price of one. I think it's about $22, something like that.

[H. Foley]

That's not bad. That's not bad. Plus, it's somebody's birthday.

[C]

They all have the birthday deal. That's big.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get. You get half. You get a free app or something.

[C]

Something like they all. They're a little different. Some people are going to get a free something.

[H. Foley]

Every Veterans Day, my parents would go to lunch at either Applebee's or TGI Friday's, whichever one did that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your mom's dressed like Sergeant Slaughter.

[H. Foley]

She's got the gun belt.

[Kevin Ryan]

God.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they'd go like for lunch. Couldn't imagine what that place looked like.

[C]

If you order online at Olive Garden, you can do a six dollar take home entree.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they like, they got the apps and the online that.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I was doing doordash, I remember delivering a guy Applebee's in a rough apartment, like real rough. And it was like so much.

[H. Foley]

What are you celebrating.

[Kevin Ryan]

Looking out the window? He's laying low for sure, this guy. This is, you know, this isn't a rough strip of apartment. And I remember there was like so much Applebee's, like over a hundred dollars worth of Applebee's. And this is in like Bumblefuck jersey.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's hiding out.

[Kevin Ryan]

And why are you staying here? And if you got 120 bucks to spend at Applebee's. Yeah, class the joint. Go, go, go get a room at the Hilton or something. You got the cash, you know what I mean? I remember having to call him. He's like, nah, keep going. And I was like.

[H. Foley]

Take the keys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Made sure I left the Montego a running. Oh, God. This one's pretty good. This is from aroused. Lou. I've. I've been going to Applebee's at least once a month for 12 years with two friends. Great tradition. Love that we have only ever paid for half priced apps. Never had an entree. I respect that. Yeah, that's like a. That's a good hang with the boys. Of course we're gonna go. We're each gonna have two or three drinks maybe every third month somewhat. You get fucking. You're like, you know what? My wife's out of town getting fucking shithouse crippled. Yeah. And just keep the half price. That this goes back to my. I don't need an entree. Post me up at a high top. Two of my boys give me flip pat and just let them. Who you don't. It's well documented. You don't like a high top.

[H. Foley]

Hey, kick at a goddamn table. I like dollar margaritas.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're off restaurants.

[H. Foley]

I'm off restaurants.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would have you, but you're off restaurants.

[H. Foley]

Fair enough. I'd make an exception for a Friday's half price appetizer.

[Kevin Ryan]

So it got us in this trouble to begin with. And just post up for like three or four and just, you know, get.

[H. Foley]

The nice snowy day, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Step out for a heater. Come. I'm off the heaters. But step out for a heater.

[H. Foley]

That's where you step out for a heater. When you're in there drinking. Step out for a heater. Oh, yeah, for the apps. Get there, feel the cold.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a bar. That's like. That's what's so unique about those. The middle of those establishments is a bar. There's hookers. You're hitting on people like. But then there's like a kid celebrating his birthday five feet away. You know, they got the touch. Tunes like kid with no future. Hey, I turned out pretty good. This leads right into this. Socks with sandals. Is it garbage to take your small children to Applebee's at night at 9pm I was definitely in an Applebee's on a school night, man. Pass. When I for sure should have been.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

But That's. I mean, what's. What's the. Dude, I've been seeing more and more young kid, like couples with like a baby.

[H. Foley]

We saw that when we were at that diner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where.

[H. Foley]

At the 24. The diner.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what that would. Yeah, last week.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they were like. They were getting like chopped. They were having like a date, I guess. You know, you're working, that's the only time you could see your wife. You got the kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was one day wearing work and they were. They. No, no, one of them was in a uniform. Like if one was in scrubs. I got. You just got off third shift or whatever. Yeah, I'll get her second shift. I'll give you the benefit.

[H. Foley]

They had a baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

They had a baby. It was 1:00 in the morning on a fucking Wednesday.

[H. Foley]

Maybe. You don't know. Maybe she just woke up. Maybe the baby just got off work. Who knows?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I've just been seeing more and more of that. Like. God damn.

[H. Foley]

I remember being when we were in Vegas for Skank Fest, walking down that Fremont and like It'd be like 2 o'clock in the morning and there's like 5 year old with like a yard in his hand just walking down next to his stroller like, what are we doing? I respect it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[H. Foley]

The little kids. Sorry. The little kids in those situations. Yeah. My yellows. My dad was always a good judge of. All right, it's time to get out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of here with the kids.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wish I could say the same.

[H. Foley]

You're coming in as we're leaving.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where are you going? I got a stack of. Cool.

[H. Foley]

I just got here. Dirt bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man. Hanging at the bar of those joints was. Was all right. I mean, we would. I remember bumping into like my brother's teacher or something and I think my dad was hitting on her. It was. It was.

[H. Foley]

It's 11:30 at night, Kevin.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember them being like, they're talking too much. Like, my dad don't like people for him to be talking that much.

[H. Foley]

What was she doing in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably throwing it at him.

[H. Foley]

Dying one on, I thought. Really.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought she was a lesbian. But I still. I remember going. They're talking way too. Yo, what are you doing here? Going on.

[C]

Parent teacher conference.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, there's a lot of times where it was just like. I remember one time we were at a Fridays or somewhere. It was far. We were. We were in northeast Philly. We were like down on the boulevard somewhere and like. And my dad and my brother, we Were in the smoking. I remember this vividly. My dad and my brother got in an argument that my dad couldn't run home from where we were because my dad used to be like a pretty good runner.

[H. Foley]

Drinking. I paid 20 bucks. You can't do 60 push ups right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or they were arguing. Oh, am I. You know, I'm sure my dad had a lot of cocktails enough in them.

[H. Foley]

Say no more.

[Kevin Ryan]

And he's gone. I'll run home right now. And I was like, dude, I must have been.

[H. Foley]

You're gonna leave us here.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember being like, what, are we just gonna drive real slow? Forest Gump had just come out. So I remember being like, are we just gonna drive real slow next to you the whole time? It was raining, too. I think he said, if it wasn't raining, I'd do it. I'm like one dude, you're. You're at your 50th Marlboro Red of the day. You got at least eight or nine Michelobes in you and some fettuccine Alfredo. Yeah, but this is after dinner.

[H. Foley]

He'll be hurling at a quarter mile, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was like, it had to be about 15 miles. Oh, no, it was like, not in the neighborhood. It was. It was ins. It was like right now, if you were like, hey, you got to get in the car and drive. I'd be like, ah, we'll just go tomorrow. Like it was that far. It was a 30 minute drive, maybe.

[H. Foley]

Jesus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Getting in a bar argument with an eight year old.

[H. Foley]

Getting thrown out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man, that's all right. Very of the. This is.

[H. Foley]

Is.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is from Desiree. Is it Garbage. Have been at a Chili's for dinner and you and your dad have to break up a father son fight at the table next to you after the sun smacked the shit out of the dad.

[H. Foley]

That's where you get smacked in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

The loudest smack I've ever heard. He goes, they were like. They were 30 and 60. I let my dad control the sun, and I took the old guy to calm down. That's a relationship. That's like, if I went and met. If I reached out to. They were trying to rekindle. That's where you go. If I reached out to my dad now, I was like, yo, what are you doing? Let's go to Apple. Meet at the Applebee's.

[H. Foley]

Meet at the Apple.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we're sitting there and I'm eating.

[H. Foley]

At a Cheesecake Factory.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, ruin my chicken farm.

[H. Foley]

Splitting tuna nachos.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what. Then after. Yeah, you know, probably when the entrees get dropped, you realize things are still the same.

[H. Foley]

You got a couple in you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got, yeah, one or two in you. He didn't change. You're still complaining about this.

[H. Foley]

And mom felt that way.

[Kevin Ryan]

What'd you say? Yeah. Whap. Crack, dude. Imagine slapping a 60 year old dude out of Chili's.

[H. Foley]

But here's the thing. Those kind of places, that's where people step in. You go to, you're at a nice fancy restaurant or whatever. Those people aren't going to get involved. When you're in the neighborhood, people are going to stay. That's not right. Don't be hitting him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put you in a sleeper hold real quick.

[H. Foley]

You ever see the one where the guy's with his wife and his kid and he starts, like, screaming at her? Dude, there's like a mob. Dudes are looking to be the hero.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're all fighting each other to get there.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah. It's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

That makes sense.

[H. Foley]

That's where you find John Quinones.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who?

[H. Foley]

The guy from ABC News. What would you do?

[Kevin Ryan]

I just saw it. Hey, it's actually me. John Quinones or whatever. Buddy, no one knows who you are. Get the fuck out of here. He steps in, he steps out like he's Wayne Newton. Like, everybody's gonna be falling. All. Nobody knows who the fuck you are.

[H. Foley]

I thought you were John Taffer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I said bar rescue kick rocks. Fuck you. Go find me Chef Ramsay. Someone I care about. I just saw. I just saw him do that in a ball. Like somebody was saying something. A bar. He's like, hey. Oh, easy, pal. You're on. I'm John Quinones. Yeah, buddy. No, thank you. All right, this one's from max 10. Long term investor in college. My homies. My homies and I would frequent the Tiger Perkins in Orlando purely based off the fact that's the exact location. Tiger woods slept with a Perkins server. That's.

[H. Foley]

Wait, hold on. So it's a Perkins. Not. Not Tiger Perkins?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they called it Tiger Perkins. Yeah. You want to go to Tiger Perkins? Yeah, I would do that if that was the time when you're like, he.

[H. Foley]

Also had a Denny's hostess, didn't he?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, it might have been Perkins.

[C]

Perkins was the famous one. Perkins was where she dropped the tampon on in the parking lot. That's how they found out what she. So there was like a journalist following Tiger woods, and she dropped a tampon out the window. Tiger woods did his thing, and then a journalist took it, picked it up. Found it and like, kept it for evidence.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Perkins. Closing deals. All that money you're saving.

[H. Foley]

Perkins is all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you were never a Perkins fan.

[H. Foley]

Hit a couple in our day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure you did.

[H. Foley]

Nothing wrong with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little perk, a Doodles. Woo.

[H. Foley]

More of a Hula Hands family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Hula Hands. Yeah, I recently did my Red Rob. My first Red Robins.

[H. Foley]

It's Red Robin. I don't think it's Red Robins, really.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever, scumbag.

[H. Foley]

Right. It's Red Robin.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you ever do Cheeburger? Cheeburger? That's why I didn't get eyes on that. I thought that was a chain.

[H. Foley]

That's a place in Chicago.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cheeburger.

[H. Foley]

That's from the John Belushi sketch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but they pulled, well, Cheeburger. Cheeburger. They opened up when I was into it. You ever, you know, you like, miss something? Everybody at school was talking about, oh, we're at Cheeburger, Cheeburger. And I'm like, dude, it sounds like you're talking a different fucking language. What happened to Cheapurger?

[C]

Cheeburger, founded in 1986.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, there's only two U.S. locations anymore. Sanibel Island, Florida and Richmond International Airport. Jesus Christ.

[H. Foley]

It's all over the map.

[Kevin Ryan]

They proudly serve Pepsi products, but there was one in Oxford Valley that like. I mean, this place, it came in like fucking like the Beatles, dude. Everybody was talking cheap burger cheap. You got to go to Cheaburger cheaper.

[H. Foley]

That was P F Chang's at the Plymouth Meeting Mall when they started putting them in the parking lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Same for us. Let's go.

[H. Foley]

Everybody might as well been Studio 54.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, they, I, I do respect the more heightened versions of, like we said, the Applebee's and Fridays, you know, storm the beaches. So these cheesecake factories, the P F Chang Bonefish, the Bonefish Grill, the seasons 52s are like Harry's.

[H. Foley]

Was there a Harry's?

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a Houston's or something too. Well, I just went to. We're buying a bunch of baby stuff. So we're at, we're at all these friggin malls. I went to two different malls and I gotta tell you, pull in and it's just Rosa night. Like nice casual corporate restaurants. You go, this is fucking. I can get down with this. Let's go look at some strollers. Which ain't cheap, by the way.

[H. Foley]

Go get a table.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go get a table. Get a nice fucking baseball steak. Maybe A couple of pots to cook. I love an app.

[H. Foley]

Pot stickers are on everybody's menu.

[Kevin Ryan]

If they ain't you, fucking get with the times. You know what I mean, Daddy? Oh, God. That's all right. All right. This one's from Kippy's. Jar is skippy. $10, homie. Here, say you're at a Chili's.

[H. Foley]

Okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

This is how he opens up. Say you're at a Chili's and the table next to you leaves. And there is a half pitcher of beer still on the table. How garbage is to refill your glass from that pitcher? Very, very garbage. For sure. And I'm not a guy to do. I don't like other people's stuff. I would be remiss if I would say there wasn't a time when I was at.

[H. Foley]

As a college kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, sure, yeah, the Richboro Pub or something.

[H. Foley]

If you're out with your family, your uncle gets up also.

[Kevin Ryan]

What kind of fucking animals are leaving? Half pitchers of beer. That's two beers. How many people are at that table? You gotta fucking who's.

[H. Foley]

And also they might throw you out for something like that. You can't be doing that. Can't go around drinking floaters in a restaurant.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

It's gotta be illegal. You gotta check your id.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, a floater is unknown. That is some guy's beer. That's different than a floater.

[H. Foley]

It's a family floater.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also. What would you get a phone call that the dog got hit by a car? You gotta bounce like that. You're having. You ordered a picture, you finished the pitcher. That's all I'm frickin said.

[H. Foley]

Picture of Bud Light sitting there. Kidding me. Nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that would be. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know in what world. I would just say do. Depends. Depends on your age and who you're with. You're with your family. You can't do that. You're with your wife and your kids. You can't do that. You're with the boys eating half price apps. Think about it.

[H. Foley]

If you're with your family and you're doing that, you're definitely leaving in separate cars. That's a dad in a separate car. I'll beat you at home for sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, we got time for one more here. This is from Nick. This is a little sentimental.

[H. Foley]

Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I met my first wife. I fucked up. I met my first wife at a Chili's in my hometown as a waitress. Got married two months later when she met my parents. After the wedding, we found out we were step cousins.

[H. Foley]

Wait, hold on. Take that back.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is some. That is some. First of all, that is some Chili's ass shit. That would never happen at Applebee's or DJI Friday. Definitely not the Cheesecake Factory. I met my first wife at a Chili's in my hometown as a waitress. Ok, So I want to know where this was. We got married two months later.

[H. Foley]

Two months, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Two months. To a Chili's waitress.

[H. Foley]

She must have been a dime piece. Throw it all away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, let's go. Dude, that's. That's one where you're like, I'll get you out of here. You can stop. You know what I mean? There's. There's delusions of grandeur there.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Met my first wave at a Chili's at my hometown as a waitress. Got married two months later when she met my parents. After the wedding, we found out we were step cousins. Met my parents after the wedding.

[H. Foley]

That's nuts. Which means they eloped.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Courthouse.

[Kevin Ryan]

But they didn't.

[H. Foley]

Like, the parents didn't meet her before they got married. Man. That's a. That's a Chili's romance right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like, it's also. How else did you think that was? That is like, the most chilly shit ever.

[H. Foley]

That's your sister?

[Kevin Ryan]

Step cousin. So what if step cousin? Would be.

[H. Foley]

Step cousin? Would be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I have step cousins.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who are attractive.

[H. Foley]

That's not blood related. There's nothing wrong with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's nothing right with it.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you can't do that. Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, not double the food.

[H. Foley]

Double the fun.

[Kevin Ryan]

Double the pleasure. Double the cousins. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

What a fun one, gang. We love you to death. Please. If you haven't, check out the Route 66 torts on the YouTube page. We love you. See you next week.