Cops Under the Influence! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Podcast: "Cops Under the Influence!" w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Date: September 22, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan, H. Foley
Episode Overview:
A classic "family episode" of Are You Garbage?, with hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley riffing on aging, obscure hiding spots for valuables, odd childhood habits, and some hilariously offbeat hypotheticals (What if H. Foley became a vampire?). The episode hits its comedic stride while dissecting what makes someone “garbage” through listener questions, finally building up to the viral story of a cop allegedly under the influence on duty—a perfect prompt for the guys’ blend of irreverent humor, blue-collar wisdom, and personal confessions.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• Aging & Being "Garbage": Exploring the indignities and oddities of growing old the garbage way, including physical changes and the emotional toll.
• Childhood Garbage Tactics: Hiding illicit stuff as a kid, and what counts as “classy” or “trash” when hiding valuables today.
• Listener Questions: Putting classic Are You Garbage? scenarios under the microscope—bring-your-own-seat weddings, reusing produce bags, and more.
• Commentary on Viral Content: The viral story of a cop under the influence, dissected with biting humor and a dash of empathy.
• The Signature Tone: Rapid-fire banter, nostalgia, and absurd hypothetical scenarios—layered with plenty of self-deprecation.

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Key Topics & Segments

1. Aging & Recognizing You’re “Garbage”

Timestamps: [04:10]–[08:14]

• H. Foley discusses feeling the effects of age: changes to skin, hair, and "old man" features.
  • Memorable quote:
    H. Foley [04:31]: “Despite my overweight appearance… my eyes, my skin are starting to get a little bit older. And the thing I wanted to break out to you is—the hair situation.”
• Kevin chimes in about “old man hog” feeling, drawing laughs:
  • Kevin Ryan [07:00]: “It hit me the other day... I gotta tell you—It's an old man hog. One or two extra wrinkles. Now I have a baby, and I'm like, that's getting older.”

2. Would You Rather Be a Vampire or a Gargoyle?

Timestamps: [08:14]–[11:15]

• Wild hypothetical: Foley’s fantasy of becoming a 400-year-old vampire, contrasted by Kevin’s skepticism and roasting.
  • Kevin Ryan [09:47]: “You’d have 400 years to blow it. That’s what you would do.”
  • H. Foley [10:59]: “Maybe a gargoyle... freeze me in stone for a thousand years—then what? I don’t know, go get something to eat.”

3. Hiding Spots & Childhood "Garbage" Tactics

Timestamps: [12:00]–[18:25]

• Listener Jacob asks about decoy safes for thieves and the guys share their own childhood hiding spots:
  • Gutted Red Dog plush for cigs and weed.
  • DIY jacket-pockets for stashing valuables.
  • Hiding in “dirty hamper” or shirt pockets as the ultimate move.
  • Kevin Ryan [14:17]: “I always was big into hiding spots as a kid… Hide my fucking cigs, my lighters... Always had really good ones.”
  • Foley’s confidence: Dave Trolley [22:33]: “Come by, see what you find. Nothing.”
• Segues into a debate about classy people with safety deposit boxes vs. “dirtbag” hiding styles.

4. Nostalgia: Stuffed Animals, Cartoons, and Bags

Timestamps: [13:34]–[18:25], [29:02]–[36:22]

• Luke shares he kept “Bunny and George” (Curious George plush) till age 11 or 12.
• Hosts reminisce on wrestling plushies, Red Dog plush, odd childhood toys, and running groceries home in plastic bags.
• Discussion grows into adult gripes about produce bags, reusable grocery bags, and the decline of the classic plastic “Thank You” bag.
  • Kevin Ryan [31:33]: “The utility of a plastic bag in your house, there’s nothing better.”

5. Beach “Garbage” Culture and Environmental Tangents

Timestamps: [23:12]–[28:56]

• Discussions range from hiding valuables at the beach, plastic bags, and picking up dog poop with produce bags.
• Spontaneous tangent on ocean pollution, beach waste, and “syringe tides” of the '80s.
  • Kevin Ryan [26:00]: “Remember that... Needles and other medical waste were reported washing ashore in Maryland, Delaware and Virginia.”

6. Is it Garbage...? Listener Questions Lightning Round

Selected Timestamps:

• Decoy Safes: [12:00]–[13:56]
• Reusing produce bags: [29:02]–[31:46]
• Bring-your-own-chair weddings: [42:36]–[44:04]
• Two different shoes to court: [47:14]–[48:12]
• Smoking at the beach: [24:19]–[25:15]
• Using seashells as ashtrays: [59:00]–[63:19]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Aging:
  • Kevin Ryan [07:00]: “It’s an old man hog... one or two extra wrinkles. I’m like, what the hell is he—caught him and thought, that ain’t good.”
• On Hypotheticals:
  • H. Foley [09:08]: “I like the idea of being omnipotent… If I became a vampire tonight… I’d know everything. I’d speak every language.”
  • Kevin Ryan [09:47]: “You’d blow it, steal it. You’d be fatter. You can’t get out during the day.”
• On Childhood Tactics:
  • Kevin Ryan [14:17]: “I gutted the Red Dog in the middle, kept my cigs in there—a real good hiding spot.”
• On Plastic Bags:
  • Kevin Ryan [31:33]: “The utility of a plastic bag in your house, there’s nothing better…”
• On Drunk Cops:
  • Kevin Ryan [50:14]: “My man, this guy is looking at you like he’s on ketamine. Like, this guy’s zooted.”
  • Dave Trolley [52:00]: “Oh, man, this poor guy… The guy’s got a bad back. His wife’s leaving him from now on.”
  • Kevin Ryan [54:41]: “If this was the '80s, that guy would just get fucking clunked over the head, shut up… Dragged to the outskirts of town… left out of the jurisdiction.”

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Cops Under the Influence: Viral Segment

Timestamps: [48:50]–[58:32]

• The guys riff relentlessly on the viral video of a Massachusetts cop allegedly showing up to a call while extremely intoxicated; discuss if a drunk cop can even identify another drunk person, and the wild hypothetical of interacting with one.
  • Kevin Ryan [50:42]: “This is how I know another person’s drunk—because I know I’m drunk… and if me and this dude are speaking the same language, 100% he’s also fucked up.”
• Extended jokes about the cop’s “bad back” excuse; banter about police solidarity, local news “playing ball,” and how today’s bodycam culture makes it impossible to cover up.

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Audience Q&A & More "Is This Garbage?"

Timestamps: Interwoven throughout

• Listeners ask, the hosts decide:
  • Bringing your own chair and beer cooler to a wedding ("Only if it's a casual backyard bash!"),
  • Wearing two different shoes to court ("You’re losing that case, buddy."),
  • Reusing produce bags (“They get terrarium-type in the fridge—disgusting!”),
  • Using seashells as beach ashtrays (“Classic shore trash behavior; are those things thousands of years old or new?”).

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Noteworthy Details & Running Gags

• Frequent callbacks to growing up “garbage,” hiding things from parents, and the “mental load” of carrying in groceries.
• Tangents on animal biology: “How do seashells become seashells?” (“I worked a double last night and I got a bad back…”).
• Self-aware: “It's ironic we're talking about trash on Are You Garbage?” – Kevin Ryan [27:25]
• Classic Are You Garbage? sign-off stress on the community: “Make sure you get your tickets to the Back of the Block tour…”

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Closing

Timestamps: [63:33]–[63:46]

• H. Foley and Kevin Ryan wrap up, plugging the live tour and signing off with gratitude and affection for their audience.
  • H. Foley [63:45]: “Love you, we’ll see you next week.”

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Recommended Time-Stamps for Key Segments

• Aging & body confessions: [04:10]–[08:14]
• Vampire/gargoyle fake career debate: [08:14]–[11:15]
• Hiding spots and valuables: [12:00]–[18:25], [22:15]–[23:13]
• Listener Q&A lightning round: Multiple, e.g., decoy safes [12:00], produce bags [29:02], bring-your-own-chair wedding [42:36], shoes to court [47:14], seashells as ashtrays [59:00]
• Drunk cop viral story & trash police banter: [48:50]–[58:32]

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Summary Tone & Takeaway

Fast-paced, unapologetically blue-collar, with vulnerability peeking through the jokes, this episode is peak Are You Garbage?—a mix of camaraderie, personal confession, and hilarious social observation on what makes someone “trashy”—or just human. Whether they’re debating how seashells wash ashore, making fun of old-man penises, or imagining being a vampire just to manage their weight, H. Foley, Kevin Ryan, and their crew deliver classic, unfiltered comedy.

Transcript

[Dave Trolley]

Calling Seattle, Portland, San Fran Brea, California. The boys are coming west, baby. We're taking the Oregon trail out to the left coast and we're coming to see you. Grab the squad and come on out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. If you're a dirtbag, we need you there, baby. All tickets [e-mail] See you there.

[Dave Trolley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or. Or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they're to be classy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[Dave Trolley]

I'm your host, Dave Trolley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's gonna be starting physical therapy tomorrow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

Got her back blown out last night. My CO coming at you from across the table. That deserved a lot more. What the CEO of are you garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, you are.

[Dave Trolley]

That's a killer right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I laugh.

[Dave Trolley]

I'm surprised. Last comic standing. He's not calling me for that. I'll be in the writers room. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is international businessman. Let me tell you right now, despite what just happened, my best pal in.

[Kevin Ryan]

The whole world can't put that on me.

[Dave Trolley]

First guy I'd want to have in the first guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's see here. Dude, you're all over the road today.

[Dave Trolley]

First guy want to have in the foxhole. Last guy wanted to leave the foxhole.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'D show up late to foxholes for.

[Dave Trolley]

He left me a couple of heaters. My good pal Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, what up, gang? Shout out to you as always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And I gotta be honest, I. I had new guy Luke look up the ticket. Ticket, ticket. Pull up the numbers over there coming in across the wires, the ticker tape. Those numbers are freaking nice. Whoo.

[Dave Trolley]

Big numbers are Spotify side.

[Kevin Ryan]

All the kids, like shout out to it, baby. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com garbage, you go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang. I'm talking up to two episodes a week in addition to the two that we do on YouTube. Plus, you get all the episodes from the last four or five years.

[Dave Trolley]

Feelings.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple bajillion hours worth of content over there.

[Dave Trolley]

Very good stuff. And gang, we're here for what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. Before we get started, we always like to do a little something. Like to walk the office a little bit, grab a little water at the water cooler, cruise by the old corner office. Quick.

[Luke]

Cruise by?

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah. Lukey resides over there. Just walk by, knock on the door, hey, how you doing, kid? Good to see you. Good weekend. All that kind of stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm, yeah.

[Luke]

I mean, do you have the numbers for me?

[Dave Trolley]

What numbers? Oh, is that how it is? Is that how it is? Man, I'll put you back in the fucking mail room. You kidding me? I don't care who your dad's golf buddies are right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Little brat.

[Dave Trolley]

Have you bringing me my sandwiches.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think I'll take orders from a guy half my age? I'll do it.

[Dave Trolley]

Think I'm gonna take orders from a guy half my age that has way more money than me, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Keep them checks coming. I'll do it.

[Dave Trolley]

I mean. How you like your sandwich? Good to see you, pal.

[Luke]

Good to see you too.

[Dave Trolley]

Very nice.

[Luke]

How we doing?

[Dave Trolley]

I wanted to bring.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just trying to get his vacation approved, if we're being honest with you. Trying to get an advance on his salary and get a vacation approved. That's what he's doing. Hey, what's up, Mr. Dempsey?

[Dave Trolley]

Trying to get that.

[Kevin Ryan]

How you doing? How the kids doing? Going down to shore this weekend?

[Dave Trolley]

I got a bachelor party in Charleston next week. What do you want for me? He's a good friend of mine.

[Luke]

Brought me a coffee and some zins.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, I brought you a log. As you kids called the other day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Dave Trolley]

Company dime.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I figured I'm paying for that.

[Dave Trolley]

I'm paying half of that. But that keeps him happy. And you want him happy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't. He can buy his own fucking. He can buy his own. He's well compensated.

[Dave Trolley]

Well compensated. Don't forget that. You got all those goddamn computer screens in front of you.

[Luke]

Does well.

[Dave Trolley]

Dempsey Group. Does well. Trade.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your trash is our trust fund.

[Dave Trolley]

Your trash is our trust fund. The Dempsey Group. I wanted to bring this up to both of you, not that you didn't know this, all right? But I really. Okay. They say that you age like. I don't know, I can't remember what it is. But it's like you.

[Kevin Ryan]

You.

[Dave Trolley]

You notice a difference in your age and like you're 20. Like when you're 20 something. Some. Some age like that or some breaking down like that. Like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

There's actual times where you see the transition.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Dave Trolley]

And I think I've crossed over into one a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

You know what I mean? Despite my overweight appearance.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

Different than that. I've noticed that like my eyes are changing a little bit. You know what I mean? They're starting to get a little bit older.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

Right. And like my skin is starting to get a little bit older. And the thing that I wanted to break out to you is the hair situation.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yours?

[Dave Trolley]

Yes. Not, not, not here. This is. I mean, come on. We'll take. We. I still take this at a fucking bank. They'll give me a loan on this thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I did.

[Dave Trolley]

You think it's a little straggly.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've. Listen, I'm. This might come off as me being a hater, being that I ain't got great hair. It's not that I've always been a champion of your positive assets. I've also been a critic of your negative assets.

[Dave Trolley]

Very critical.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which are very, very overwhelming.

[Dave Trolley]

Yes. I don't want you to judge me on my wins. I want you to judge me on.

[Kevin Ryan]

My losses because I have so many. Judge me on my flaws because I'm mostly flaws. Yeah, no, I, I listen, it's been better. It's a good head of hair. You're, you're, you're getting a little gray. Get a little streaky. Get a little long, Get a little gross. Getting a little, you know. That's all I'm saying.

[Dave Trolley]

I could use like a good permit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Blowout.

[Dave Trolley]

I've been really thinking about getting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Blow your back out.

[Dave Trolley]

Would you guys like that if I got a perm?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not really. I mean, I don't know. Sure.

[Dave Trolley]

What I need.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I don't really care what you do with your hair. It's just not that great anymore.

[Dave Trolley]

What I need at the right time, which I think will be around the end of this year to go down some. Find some nice joint downtown, you know, nice salon and go. Go get it. Go get a real. Get a wash and a shampoo.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't understand why you don't just go do that tomorrow.

[Dave Trolley]

Because.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you do that tomorrow afternoon or Thursday or whatever.

[Dave Trolley]

Because I would like to earn that. I would like to be in a little bit better physical shape. Do I do that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Can I give you something? Might make you feel a little better. You walk up it makes might put you in a better mood. Make you make me even more better steps. First part of feel goods look good.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't want to be the fat guy walking around with the hairdo.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you'd rather be a fat guy walking around a hairdo than a fat guy walking around with all bad gear and stuff.

[Dave Trolley]

It's not that. Not the hair. It's the other places with the hair.

[Kevin Ryan]

Am I okay?

[Dave Trolley]

The ear hair. Oh, dude, do you have that yet?

[Kevin Ryan]

Little. I mean just like a one or two. Not, not, not a non issue dude. But I find it more and more sucks. Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

I just don't. Why is that a thing?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's protection, right?

[Dave Trolley]

Is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean I think hair is mostly protection.

[Dave Trolley]

So what? I'm getting older, so it thinks that I need more. More hair. It's like vines growing on an old house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Protecting that old brick and stuff like that. You know what I mean? Expose them hardwood floors. It's kind of funny you bring that up because I had it. It hit me the other day, I caught a glimpse of my. And I gotta tell you, it's an old man hog. I don't know. I don't know if it's the baby or just stress, lack of sleep or. Now that I have a baby, there's like some like I'm now. I now view my hog differently.

[Dave Trolley]

Old man's penis.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's an older. I used to have a young man of the penis. I used to have a fucking tight sack. A spry, spry little kid running around over there. Little, you know, little zinger on you stick stinger. A little pep in his step. I. Dude, this is like a one eyed fucking. Got a bit of a cough. Yeah, yeah, I'm up.

[Dave Trolley]

I'm up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing. But it was just like one or two extra wrinkles. I'm like, what the hell is he? I caught him like. That ain't good. That's, you know, he's just beat up.

[Dave Trolley]

Weathered man sitting in his chair in the dark watching the news, eating a TV dinner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's, you know, sleeping in the. Waiting on his son to call or something like that.

[Dave Trolley]

Sleeping in the recliner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Just resting my eyes. I'm just resting my eyes. Yeah, I had that too. It was definitely like a. Oh man, that's getting older.

[Dave Trolley]

Really turn. It's really now the time to start. I don't know. But. Excuse me. Scary to think about.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Getting older. You're 50, dude.

[Dave Trolley]

50.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy.

[Dave Trolley]

I'm 49.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. You've lived the life of a 150 year old. You're like father. You're like a wizard fucking guy over here. Cut you open, count the rings like a vampire.

[Dave Trolley]

I better lie before the age of men. I would love that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Dave Trolley]

To be one of those guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

A vampire?

[Dave Trolley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why? Because sleep all the time.

[Dave Trolley]

Sleep during the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Suck. Dudes Suck dudes. You do sleep during the day and at night you're sleeping a lot.

[Dave Trolley]

But I like the idea of being omnipotent. That's the right word.

[Luke]

Somewhat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Being around knowing or all present.

[Dave Trolley]

Well, like, if you're. I wouldn't be able to do it now, but if, like, I became a vampire tomorrow. Okay. By the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hold on. Let me get there. Okay. Yeah. All right, I'm with it. I took me a second.

[Dave Trolley]

If I became. If I became a vampire tonight. Watch my last sunrise. Probably down in New Orleans. That's where they get me. That's just from Interview with a Vampire. Watch my last sunrise to go. To go through all that shit. Get up. I'm a vampire in like 400 years. Just think, all the cash I'd have. I'd know everything. I'd speak every language.

[Kevin Ryan]

You do nothing.

[Dave Trolley]

You think I would still stink?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I would still stink. See, this is. This is your problem. This is your problem. You're now living in such a fantasy role where you're like, if I was a vampire, I'd be. And I had 400 years to get my act together. First of all, you got to be magic. You need 400 years. And then you go, imagine how much cash I'd have. Zilch. You'd blow. You'd have 400 years to blow it. That's what you would do. You would blow it, steal it. You'd be fatter. You can't get out it during the day.

[Dave Trolley]

Can't eat. I counting. I eat regular shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

You figure it out.

[Dave Trolley]

Do vampires eat regular food?

[Luke]

You would stay the exact same as when you changed.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh, I can't lose weight unless.

[Luke]

You know if you can.

[Kevin Ryan]

A vampire can't fly. You're only like 6 inches off the ground. I listen. You'd be pale as shit. And you need color because when you get pale, it's bad. You don't want to be a.

[Dave Trolley]

My skin don't look good. The face don't look good. Now I need a little collar. Look good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. So you listen. I don't. You. I don't think that's. I don't think. I don't think there's a right career move for you right now. All right, let's run it. Let's run it by our suits.

[Dave Trolley]

Maybe a gargoyle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, something like that.

[Dave Trolley]

Freeze me in the. In the. In the. Turn me into stone for about a thousand years.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then what?

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know. Go get something to eat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Imagine that. Stretch, isn't it?

[Dave Trolley]

All right, let's quit screwing around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, gang. As you know, we may or may not be vampires at the moment. As you, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question on the air. And let's friggin get into me. All right, this one's. This one's from Jacob. Long time. $10 absolute class, but love and observe trash. This is my first time question. Okay, but then. Okay, this one. Is it garbage to have decoy nice things visible in hopes that if you get robbed, they won't search for the actual good stuff? My dad has a decoy $20 mini safe that's very visible in his room and fake jewelry box on his dresser to distract from his real money stash hidden in a box full of old T shirts. I'm not hearing this guy's fucking shit out in his closet. So if someone breaks in, they'll steal the decoy and his cash is safe. I offered to buy him a real safe that bolts into the wall, but he said that's too obvious. I got him. That is, I never liked. Not that I have that many valuable things except them jeans. Cool guy jeans, which I think was right down the middle. That was like a 50, 50 split. Split.

[Dave Trolley]

Look good in them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trying to get that vacation approved. I do. I always thought that if you see a safe, it's like, well, then I'll just. If somebody break it in your house. And what they're, you know, I don't think a safe is.

[Dave Trolley]

You're gonna keep looking. You're gonna keep looking. Just.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[Dave Trolley]

You don't grab the first jewelry box on top of the thing and the fake little safe there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you're looking. Then gets. I think you go, I've. I've gotten something good. I'll give a quick toss. But you're not. Look, you're already. You gotta think that time's on. I've never fucking broken it. I've never fucking been calling out.

[Dave Trolley]

Clocks running.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So you're not like, you know, you're going, all right, I got something that looks pretty good.

[Dave Trolley]

I gotta keep put on drugs, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, I would. I. They do not spend it unless they're like, you know, it's like an art heist or something. They're fucking in and out of there. They're not like, wandering around. Yeah. You might get the guy who's all in. Fucking goofballs who makes a sandwich or whatever.

[Dave Trolley]

But also to. For just that reason. For your entire life, every day you have a fake jewelry box just sitting on your thing just in case the one.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. I respect that.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the chance of getting robbed are zilch. Like, I mean, how many people actually get a fucking B and E?

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know,.01% or something like that.

[Dave Trolley]

That's. That sounds like an awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy.

[Dave Trolley]

Sounds like a fun hang.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good time. Yeah. Yeah. We never. We never. I always was big into hiding spots as a kid. Hide my fucking cigs. My lighters. Before I was allowed to have lighters. Weed, stuff like that. I always had really good ones. Remember Red Dog? The beer?

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That merch was big on Wildwood Boardwalk. They were giving out stuff down. I'm like, that was the big thing if you get a big red dog.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I fucking gutted the middle of it. Oh, I kept my sage.

[Dave Trolley]

Say you hid that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Dave Trolley]

Stuffed animals. I didn't want my buddies to see what I was snuggling with.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, this is still a badass dog.

[Dave Trolley]

I'm sure I've asked you. You never had a. Like a teddy bear?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, not really. Not that. I mean, I'm sure as a kid.

[Dave Trolley]

Like, hug the cart in the eaters.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had those little wrestling guys. But that was like. That was like more to, like, wrestle.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh. Not remember the wrestling. Like stuffed animals.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm talking about.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh, really?

[Kevin Ryan]

They were like. Yeah. The ultimate. Why think we had dealt me, Danny had the Ultimate Warrior and I had Sting, maybe. I believe it's probably a pulley for my dad to try to, you know, enjoy his house more. Like, here's the coolest toy at the moment.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking bam. Take that. So we had those. But, like, I mean, I had a blanket that I remember. That was about it. Sleeping bag, Marlboro Miles. No, I remember that. But, like, that was like my thing. I had, like, a blankie as a kid. You know what I mean?

[Luke]

I had Bunny and George.

[Kevin Ryan]

The fuck is Bunny and George? I.

[Luke]

Stuffed animals.

[Dave Trolley]

What are they?

[Luke]

It was a little bunny and then a guy named Curious George.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh, Curious George. Why don't you say that you're a friend. What are you his friend?

[Luke]

I called him Bunny and George.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, wasn't Curious George the monkey?

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah so.

[Kevin Ryan]

But yours is a guy or a monkey. Did you have the guy from Curious George? You had the guy in the yellow.

[Dave Trolley]

You had a man in the yellow hat.

[Kevin Ryan]

You had Andy or whatever his name was.

[Dave Trolley]

He didn't have a name. Whatever it was just a man in the yellow hat. Probably have to shady shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was the man in the yellow.

[Dave Trolley]

Grown man live with a monkey.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's weird that I never got the guy from fucking from Garfield either. Well, that dude's deal got a job or something. You're fucking hanging out with this cat. Go get some pussy.

[Dave Trolley]

He tried to. Yeah, the cat never liked anybody. Scared of broads away. I think he was a. He was a music writer, the guy.

[Luke]

John.

[Dave Trolley]

Yes, from Garfield.

[Kevin Ryan]

John Bum knuckles. Turnbuckle, Arbuckle, turnbuckle. That was my take you back to my ultimate warrior days.

[Dave Trolley]

I think he was a composer or something like that. Or a piano teacher or something that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shit missed me talking cat with the lasagna.

[Dave Trolley]

Did you like Heathcliff?

[Kevin Ryan]

That was a little before my time. Like, you know, like that was like.

[Dave Trolley]

He was already a little personality.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't mess with any of that really. I remember. I remember it, but it wasn't like my. It wasn't my cup. Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

Bunny and George. So you had a Bunny that you just called Bunny? A random bunny.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

And then you had George. Curious George. Curious George. And they were little. So you called them Bunny and George. That was my guys God damn adorable. Bunny and George. It sounds like a 70s duo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

Way too late.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really? Yeah. What's too late?

[Luke]

A couple weeks ago like 11, like it was like you're hiding it from your friends. 11, 12.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never guys. I mean like it's. It's part of the big joke is that like in my childhood was like very stunted. But like dude, that's what 11 year old. Like you know, 11.

[Dave Trolley]

That's not too late man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stuff for stuffies. Yeah, it is. Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

So what'd you do with your. In the.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hid my. In the red. Gutted him. But you had to keep the integrity because if. If he looked empty that you'd be jammed up. But I forget some sort of. I built some inner structure to maintain the outward form so he didn't look compromised. I kept my. My probably heaters and probably a little dime bag or some couple of bag of schwigits.

[Dave Trolley]

I would get right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, keep them in there.

[Dave Trolley]

Smoked a little doobie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Doobie, yeah. Well, not that. I mean, I was a big. I wasn't a big reefer head, but I panic, I freak out. High strung. But yeah, we keep it in there. And then like, that was because that was like, if that branding was so cool at the time. You know what? That wasn't a stuffed animal. That was beer merchandise.

[Dave Trolley]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

That was. I wasn't stuffy and George, I was like, this guy's fucking, let's walk. This guy's drunk. Yes.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, exactly, gang. This episode is sponsored by Better Health. As you know, we said it a million times, Kevin and I. Mental health journey. Some up, some downs, some highs, some lows. Some highs, some lows. Things that started us off was better help take that step into talk therapy and do it with a professional. Don't be crying to your bartender and bitching at your business partner or whatever. Learn that the hard way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I've used talk therapy multiple different periods of my life for different problems, different issues, trashing me some family stuff, some just life stuff, relationships stuff. And each time to get back into it is very hard. I drug my feet. I was like, nah, you know, let me. Maybe next week I'll look, I'll call so and so's guy and you drag your feet and it's very tough. You call, you leave a message. That guy ain't answering because he's in or he's in with somebody and you don't call you back. He leaves a message, you call him back. You're playing phone tag. Better help for me, the how to solve the problems. Like, let me just get started. Let me just get my foot in the door. I can do it from the comfort of my own home. It's not that big of a lift. And it's been a fantastic entry point into my mental health journey. I highly, highly suggest it. If you're at that point in your life, which everybody should, everybody could use a little help from time to time. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of experience. Find the one with BetterHelp. Our listeners get 10% off their first [e-mail] garbage. That's BetterHelp. H E L P.com garbage.

[Dave Trolley]

Do it, Kev. Let's talk about factor, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you know about factor?

[Dave Trolley]

Excuse me?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you know?

[Dave Trolley]

I know they're tasty and delicious and I know you can heat them up in about two minutes. In a microwave and they're fantastic and we've been talking about it for a long time. Factor another OG here. Yeah got a bunch of them in the fridge right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's alright. Might have one for my second lunch guys. They have more variety more meals. Choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options including premium seafood choices like salmon and scrimps at no extra cost. Also supports your wellness goals. Even more GLP1 friendly meals which is very important and new Mediterranean diet options packed with protein and good for you fats plus the flavors. Listen it's high quality eating. I'm a shredded chicken Taco Bell. I got a lot of different cuisines a lot of ethnic this that little flavors I ain't never had before. Factors opening up my eyes and kicking me in the pants with a little a little kung Pao flour flavor. You know what I mean? They have more choices for better nutrition. That's why 90% of customers say that factor helped them live healthier life. I am one of those customers. Feel the difference no matter your routine. [e-mail] Garbage 50 off and use the code Garbage 50 off they get 50% off your first box plus free breakfast for one year. Hachi Machi hello. That's code Garbage50OFF@Factor Meals.com for 50% off your first box plus FREE breakfast for one year. Get delicious ready to eat meals delivered with factor offer only valid for new factor customers with the code and qualifying auto renewing subscription purchase. That so? Yeah that was one of my go to hiding spots. I always I was very big on that like you ain't going to find this shit.

[Dave Trolley]

Wouldn't be able to find anything on me. Straight just a pocket. That's it. Just a shirt pocket. Wouldn't even know this shirt. Wouldn't even know to look. Don't even know the shirt had but.

[Kevin Ryan]

That I would go back that is the place ever it's everybody I've done it. You think the shirt pocket hanging in the it it's got to be in the bottom of the dirty hamper or.

[Dave Trolley]

Something like you know what I also.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ain'T getting me if it's in the closet that's getting found.

[Dave Trolley]

You know what I also do I have a jacket. No one knows where it is but I have a jacket still at the store. I have a jacket that I never wear that I've taken one of the pockets and I slit the pocket open and I put stuff in there and then move it around into the jacket.

[Kevin Ryan]

Move it around into the jacket. I'M sorry.

[Dave Trolley]

So when you rip open a pocket, it goes into the jacket, into the inside of the jacket. Just move it around to the back of the jacket. That's it. You won't even know. You check the pockets or be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you cut the inside of a jacket.

[Dave Trolley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

Like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Seems like a lot.

[Dave Trolley]

Come by, see what you find. Nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

The last thing I want to do is start rooting around your apartment.

[Dave Trolley]

We should do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we shouldn't.

[Dave Trolley]

That would be great. No, see if you can find my hiding spotlight. If I could find yours. Straight to your underwear drawer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing here. I'm like, there's a big safe. You walk right by it. Are your drawers at kip? Yeah. Okay. I respect that craziness. A good hiding. A dirt bag loves a. I think classy people have a safe deposit box. Something, something. Their stuff's insured. Hey, I don't care, you know, whatever.

[Dave Trolley]

I want to get one of those.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[Dave Trolley]

Safe deposit box.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, me too.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah. Just to have one. I take the key, right? Yeah, the key.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you have the key and they don't.

[Dave Trolley]

Look what's in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

They can't.

[Dave Trolley]

Wouldn't people be hiding drugs and shit like that in there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Think that. I mean, I'm assuming. I doubt drugs. If you're. I think it's like money. I think people would have. I think it's like money and documents, but like I. Jewels. I don't think drugs make sense. I mean, if you're selling drugs, you're not like in the business of holding them, right? So you're not like, let me go. And it's not that big. I mean, you get a bigger one. But like, put a beer in there. I mean, you can put a beer in there if you want, but like, I mean, if you're going to put drugs in there, what are you going to then go get them in two days? Like, that's fucking.

[Dave Trolley]

It's just a waste of the bag at 11 o' clock at night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking waste.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can I use this ATM to take out my drugs or my safe deposit box?

[Dave Trolley]

I just got to get my comb that I left in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need my birth certificate because I'm traveling.

[Dave Trolley]

I need my birth certificate.

[Kevin Ryan]

Three in the morning, going to Colombia.

[Dave Trolley]

Why? Great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's great. This is from Tommy. Yo. Is it garbage to rip a siggy shin deep at the water in the. At the beach? If. Yeah, if you're. Cigs at the beach are becoming taboo.

[Dave Trolley]

Yes, they are.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sigs, obviously. Anywhere. I'm probably becoming Taboo. But cigs at the beach are becoming more and more taboo. Maybe even prohibited. Not permitted. But that's got to be done at your chairs.

[Dave Trolley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Given you're not like on top of somebody. That's just me. I'm a. I'm a polite. I tend to be a polite smoker. Don't want to hinder other people. I'm not gonna be sitting there chain smoking cigs if there's a.

[Dave Trolley]

You know, cigs at the beach ain't great anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know why it's sandy. Salt, wet. The salt air.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wet.

[Dave Trolley]

Doesn't. Doesn't bode well. But a heater in the ocean, you just feel wrong.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just. Then what do you do? You flick it in. I think I remember my dad flicking them in the water. What? This is a 90s, dude.

[Dave Trolley]

So up. I mean, I've done more.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What the fuck? Also, aren't they dumping like truckloads of trash in the. Out in the ocean? What's a little heater gonna do for my dad? You know what I mean?

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get needles washing up on Wildwoods beach.

[Dave Trolley]

Remember that? Were there ever actually needles that washed up on the beach?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think so. Yeah. I think that was big in New York specifically, like back in the day when there was like. They were just dumping the dump.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? Just take it right out of like.

[Dave Trolley]

Needles watching up on the beach in 2024.

[Luke]

Needles were. And other medical waste were.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember this.

[Luke]

Reported washing ashore in Maryland, Delaware and Virginia.

[Dave Trolley]

Medical waste.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

So that means that that medical facility, whatever one it was, took it out and dumped it in the ocean.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

There is also the syringe tide from 1987-88 in Jersey.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I think we. That was. That's the stereotype we remember.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah. I mean, that's crazy. That a professional. That. That's so fucked up that those companies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, the medical company like you. The doctor's office isn't winging it off the pier. They're fucking. It's.

[Dave Trolley]

You know, they hire a company to take it away. Oh yeah. We'll store it for you or get rid of it for you. And they're just dumping it in the ocean.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I think that's relatively. Some of that's legal or looked up. I mean, you ever see like the. Like the Indonesian stuff, they just back it up and dump it. I mean, there's that floating island to trash or whatever.

[Dave Trolley]

I know they can't get that. It's biggest Texas or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something. I mean how are you going to get if it's the biggest Texas. What have. What fucking boot you going to take to pick that up?

[Dave Trolley]

Sure they have a boat that has like nets on it or something. I could scoop that up.

[Kevin Ryan]

And do what with it? Dump it back in the air. Dump it in another ocean. Take it from the Pacific to the Atlantic. I don't know. There's also the thing that like 99% of the stuff you recycle ends up in a. I don't understand the difference between a land or landfills good or bad.

[Luke]

I think generally bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just.

[Luke]

But let me find out.

[Kevin Ryan]

What else do you do with it?

[Luke]

I think that's the problem is that we never figured out what to do with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

The best way to know what. This is ironic that we're talking about this on Are you garbage? But there's no, there's no proper way to dispose of trash.

[Dave Trolley]

You bury it, melt it down, burn it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why the burning all the trash, all the plastic and chemies and stuff like that. That ain't good. Yeah.

[Luke]

Landfills are a mixed bag. They're a necessary but flawed method of waste management.

[Dave Trolley]

What's the best form of waste management?

[Kevin Ryan]

Reduce, reuse and recycle.

[Dave Trolley]

How you doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Also new addition to to here.

[Dave Trolley]

How do you feel about these?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Sound great so far it sounds better. You're not banging the table. I mean you're still gonna figure out ways to do it. Yeah, I think it's good. It dampens the sound a little bit. It's good.

[Dave Trolley]

Very nice. I didn't know he was getting leather too.

[Kevin Ryan]

I, I, that was, this was a kippy call.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got him for the Hard Feeling studio too. Getting a set of black ones.

[Dave Trolley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Blend in because we're we banging like orangutan.

[Dave Trolley]

Slipping and sliding here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take a little getting used to.

[Dave Trolley]

Sure. I feel like you should have like a felt pen or something right here. Some type of green.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know why.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. A felt pen.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right.

[Dave Trolley]

Like this is like a writing desk now.

[Kevin Ryan]

But it's classy. It is clay. It's a clay. I mean I never had no friggin leather placemats. Very, very classy.

[Dave Trolley]

Thicker plastic feel weather.

[Luke]

The best form of waste management is reduce, reuse, recycle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, that's off my website. Kevin Rankomedy.

[Dave Trolley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Rochella. $10 hair, homie. Never have one red. Is it garbage? To keep produce bags for future use other than produce. Those bags stink. They are too thin to do.

[Dave Trolley]

Just talking about recycling, though. I don't think you should use those bags at all.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like not using those bags.

[Dave Trolley]

There's gotta be.

[Kevin Ryan]

I feel like a pilgrim. Give me my stuff in plastic bags.

[Dave Trolley]

I like feeling like a pilgrim.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[Dave Trolley]

And also, when you leave your shit in there, the bird leaves them in all those bags and then puts them in the fridge. And like, this moisture builds up inside.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You got to take them out of the bag. The bag to me is just the vessel to get it home, to get it in the car. From the cart to the belt. From the belt into the bag. From the bag into wherever it's going. That's how I operate with those thin bags you put them in. It gets real, like, terrarium type.

[Dave Trolley]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

All of a sudden, there's bugs in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember one time, I remember eating peanut butter sandwiches out of, like, you know, we were going to the beach or whatever, pulling them out of there. And like, they just. Just didn't hold. They're too thin.

[Dave Trolley]

Sandwiches fell apart.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I've used them to, like, pick up dog and stuff like that and that. They're too thin.

[Dave Trolley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. When you're jammed up. Holy. You're like. That's all you got.

[Dave Trolley]

Feel that heat.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's also. There's a. They got to be colored bags. If you can see it.

[Dave Trolley]

Feel the heat in your fingers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man.

[Dave Trolley]

Disgusting dog sitting there looking at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they do in my neighborhood, I think. I don't know if they do in a lot of neighborhoods. It's like a New York thing or just a more local thing. They have like the leave a bag type thing around.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Plastic bags. Because you can't really now. But there's no one's giving plastic bags out anymore. Which. Man. If there's anything more useful. Sure it's horrible for the. You know, ends up in the seals. Asshole. And the fucking floating ocean and shit like that. But the utility of a plastic bag in your house, there's. There's nothing better. Those, like, thin bags you get at the grocery store now that are like kind of cloth but disposable. That caught. They charge you 15 cents or whatever. They're not waterproof, they're not airproof. Like, it's just. You need that black or white plastic bag. The thank you for being a customer loyal bag.

[Dave Trolley]

Anything.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anything.

[Dave Trolley]

Could be clippers in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dog. You stepping dog. Shit. You Got to jump something. Dirty clothes, wet clothes, fucking anything. It was fantastic.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, I like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. I went somewhere yesterday talking about reduced reusers. I go, this is last week. I went to like the pharmacy. It was like a independent pharmacy in New York. And she's like, oh, do you want a bag? And I was like, oh, yeah, that'd be great. Forget what I was buying, but I guess enough to whatever. And she gave me. She charged me 25 cents. Like whatever. Whatever they charge in New York. I think it's, you know, 25 cents. I'm like, yeah, she charged me and then gave me a bag from Target that. She's like, I brought this in from home.

[Dave Trolley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

And I was like. It took me a minute because I was like getting my stuff and I went, did you just sell me something? I don't care, but I'll. If I'm paying the. Just give me your. Your Target bag. But it just felt weird that I'm like, your stuff was in here. And then I'm putting my. Yeah, it was weird. Didn't feel right.

[Dave Trolley]

I wouldn't have done that. Wait, you're charging me for a bag you brought from home?

[Kevin Ryan]

It all happened very quick and I was very tired and I needed a bag, but I walked out being like, fucking bra just stole a quarter from me.

[Dave Trolley]

Well, it's weird. She didn't because it went into the till. She just lost a bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

What a dummy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me.

[Dave Trolley]

She gave up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not coming out as fucking Einstein.

[Dave Trolley]

She gave up her bag for the company.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. She took her own 25 cent bag. Yeah. Anyway, it didn't feel right and I felt grimy.

[Dave Trolley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

Store giving you Target bag. Target bag stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta push back on that.

[Dave Trolley]

Really.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little too small for like the utility. But the handles are nice.

[Dave Trolley]

I think the reusable bags, the good ones that you paid a dollar for at the grocery store are.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're like water. They're like.

[Dave Trolley]

They're like.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're like plastic kind of. Yeah, those are great.

[Dave Trolley]

Great.

[Kevin Ryan]

They fold well. They hide well right there. They have. But they. I don't take them back. I'm very anti. Take a bag with me. I mean, throwing it out. That's fucking. We're trying to reduce, reuse and recycle here.

[Dave Trolley]

Okay, big guy, Just throw them out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, like right away.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. I mean, like, listen, I'll push back. If you put them in a place and you go, I got a bunch.

[Dave Trolley]

Of these, we would have a million of them. We get them every time, huh? Two every time. I would say when we go to the grocery store because I usually use two with two bags. Don't you remember your mom going to the grocery store and being like eight bags? I've never done that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I should buy. I mean just buying for a household of people.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh yeah, there's all eight bags.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I remember. Like me and my brother. Multiple trips in.

[Dave Trolley]

Why did that suck?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I did.

[Dave Trolley]

How are you such a scumbag?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, it's. I do it now. Multiple trips in from a Tom. Big Target guy now big dad. I'm dad. Got the dad jeans. Target man. Multiple trips.

[Dave Trolley]

Just think it's gonna be a point where you're asking, you're asking him.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hate it. It sucks.

[Dave Trolley]

It's your groceries.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a lot of Haitians.

[Dave Trolley]

When you were a kid, you had all we had all that energy to do everything. As soon as they said take your shoes off the stairs and bring them upstairs or you know, your mother's going to be here in a minute, get ready. You got to go get the stuff out of the car. Fog. It'd be like a Sunday right after breakfast. I'm in the middle of fucking Three Stooges, belly full of eggs, toast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not much has changed with your resistance to doing stuff. If that bothered you that much as.

[Dave Trolley]

A kid, and I just said it bothered you and now you turn it on me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did rat you fucking two faced.

[Dave Trolley]

Said it bothers you now, sure, but it doesn't bother me now that much when I'm in the car.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying other things. Your resistance towards things, I'm saying yes.

[Dave Trolley]

But when I'm in the car and I get back from the store, I'm just taking that in with me. I'm okay with that. And it's usually one or two bags. Not that big a deal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's fine.

[Dave Trolley]

It's those tote bags. They're real nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure heavy.

[Dave Trolley]

Sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what sucks though now is I don't mind. You can get all the bags. I'll load up every bag, clinch it in my B hole, get them in the fingers. It's the case of water. You gotta go back and then there's like two things of diet cake or whatever. And that's like the. The added trips just to be able to bring one and like, like it.

[Dave Trolley]

You know what the killer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then you gotta watch the door so the dog don't get out.

[Dave Trolley]

The killer one back in the day was go get the dog Food now. Big bag. Oh, I'm like a 400 pound bag. Scribble.

[Kevin Ryan]

They used to make that stuff that was like fee. That was like seed. You have to throw that big bag on your shoulder. I remember being too young, too little. Like, I didn't have enough mass to carry that.

[Dave Trolley]

Remember Kibbles and Bits, which I don't know if they still make anymore, but they had. They had like moist ones in there. They were like. It was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Moist and meaty.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, something like that. There was. They were almost like marshmallows. I mean, I remember tasting one of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those things, stuff we used to feed. Patches, I think it was called Moist and Meaty. And they were in these little bags and you would do like two in the morning and man, oh, that you wanted them. Would get like kicked under the rug, like, you know what I mean? You'd find it a fucking couple months later, the smell on that, it would make me gag. And he starts like, saliva and stuff.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't get that. How our sense of smell as species can be so different. Like, how can a lion go nose deep in it like a dead buffalo's ass and just start grubbing? How doesn't that, doesn't. That doesn't. The decomposition of that turns them on, that smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that's what. That's appetizing them. That's what they eat. You'd probably cook them a nice filet and they go, what the hell you doing? You ruin this good piece. And I had a perfect T bone here. And then you went and did a.

[Dave Trolley]

Salt rub on it in a Serengeti for about two weeks. Get some maggots on it. Yeah, I'll come back.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the juicy stuff.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah. I just. I don't understand that. Like, how can our sense of smell be so different and not. Not like if you're.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you're looking. I mean, I gave you a comedy answer with, with the, with the, with the, with the grilled steaks. If you're looking for an actual scientific answer, I don't know if it's your first time watching a program. I ain't the guy to give it to you.

[Dave Trolley]

Kevin, I'm gonna tell you about Pretty Litter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you tell me everything about pretty Litter? Because I don't touch this stuff because I got a dog. But you got a cat. I love this stuff.

[Dave Trolley]

Let me tell you this. I'm in the room where the cat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does its business, handles his business, meetings. Her. Her.

[Dave Trolley]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry. Yep.

[Dave Trolley]

And I'm in There. And it's probably been a couple of days since, since I've, you know, dealt with this chore that I'm supposed to do.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm picking up on what you're putting.

[Dave Trolley]

Down and I'm like, I don't smell anything. Smells great in here. You know why? Pretty Litter?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't.

[Dave Trolley]

It's the best. It's lightweight. If there's something going on with the cat in her urinary tract, it can give you an indication that it might be time to get her over to the vet so they can make a medical determination.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[Dave Trolley]

Of anything going on with the cat, which is fantastic. Just a tiny little early warning system like, hey, sometimes take care of the kitty. I mean, what other brand of kitty litter does that? She loves it. It's fantastic. I don't gotta carry a 50 pound bag up the steps.

[Kevin Ryan]

They deliver, comes right through the door. It's fantastic.

[Dave Trolley]

Unbelievable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like the big man said, Pretty Litters crystals are safe for cats and people alike. The advanced odor control means your home smells like home, not a litter box. The ultra absorbent formula uses less material than clay litter, reducing waste and saving money. Ideal for apartments, busy lifestyles and multi cat households. Right now you can save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy at pretty litter.comgar that's prettylittleitter.com garbage to save 20% on your first order and get a free cat toy. Pretty Litter.com Garbage Pretty Litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose disease. A diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See the site for details. This is a real good story about Bronx and his dad Ryan. Real United Airlines customers.

[Dave Trolley]

We were returning home and one of the flight attendants asked Bronx if he wanted to see the flight deck and meet Kathy and Andrew.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got to sit in the driver's seat. I grew up in an aviation family and seeing Bronx kind of reminded me of myself when I was that age. That's Andrew, a real United pilot. These small interactions can shape a kid's future. It felt like I was the captain.

[Dave Trolley]

Allowing my son to see the flight deck will stick with us forever.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how good leads the way.

[Dave Trolley]

Because for a while when we were like really hurting, not hurting, but like when, when, when, when, when I noticed that the groceries really went hard in the non generic. Yes. We used to get my dog this dog food. That smell was a can. That smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

We never. That was more 80s shit than 90.

[Dave Trolley]

So fucking bad that I Remember I got like a drop of it on a. On a. On a shirt, like a flannel shirt. My mom washed it and washed it and I would be able to go and still smell it like a little. Like a little cigarette drop of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

So.

[Dave Trolley]

Fuck, I don't know what the fuck it was. Putrid, brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's. There can't be.

[Dave Trolley]

How does a dog like that. That's what I'm saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, no. They know now because dogs they had. Dogs are real hoity.

[Dave Trolley]

If I. If I throw a dog a donut, he's gonna eat that. That smells good. In Edible Dome. But so if he likes the smell of a donut like I do, how.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can he dogs anything like me?

[Dave Trolley]

How could they all. They also like to smell of, you know, gross shit like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know.

[Dave Trolley]

Crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I've never really thought about it that way. But they're also eat kind of. And they're garbage that they're not. There's nothing gross to them. It's either appetizing or not appetizing.

[Luke]

The scientific answer is unique. Gut biomes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's this guy you were asking? Monkey and George over here, Mr. Wizard.

[Dave Trolley]

Shut up. I didn't ask. What does that mean? That's got nothing to do your sense of smell.

[Luke]

Gut biomes, the intestines of scavengers contain specialized bacteria that are resistant to toxins and help them eating decaying flesh.

[Dave Trolley]

But that's not sense of smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not what makes it appetizing, does it?

[Dave Trolley]

Or maybe appetizing has got nothing to do with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think this might be a Foley ploy to start eating raw animals that he's. You know. Guys, what the hell's the difference between me and a lion on a Serengeti?

[Dave Trolley]

There was a raccoon on the Southern State Parkway a couple days ago. Look pretty good. Legs up in the air. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's. This one's from Willis. Is it garbage to put bring chairs on a wedding invitation? My sister's getting married next week and she put bring chairs and a cooler of beers on the invitation. Go two ways. It's super casual. Party in the backyard. Whatever. Whatever. Like barbecue style, kind of more of hang. Totally okay with that if you got me in a fucking suit. If I'm expected to wear a suit and fucking bring furniture, I ain't going to the fucking wedding.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, I do remember people having parties where it was not like it was a cookout, but like bring your lawn chair.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't, I. Yeah, I don't. I've never, I've never attended something like that. Bring your own lawn chair.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, bring your own lawn chair. Just like hang out in the backyard. Yeah. Because people don't have that many.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know what that setup would look like though, if it isn't just a chill.

[Kevin Ryan]

But then like, what are you just getting one big circle? I don't know. The execution of that.

[Dave Trolley]

I could see that. You ever sat in a big circle like that? Yeah, the family used to do that a lot. And at the softball games they would do it a lot. So crazy. They just hung out so much. When I was a kid, like that's what parents did. They just hung the fuck out. They would all get together and drink. That'd be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, people are doing that.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, I know, I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

I just don't see it. Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

My uncle.

[Dave Trolley]

For the drink alone.

[Kevin Ryan]

My uncle Mike was telling me and we were talking. He's got, he's got a place down ashore and in there they call it the courtyard. So they have like the house he bought like an old house. And behind it there's like two.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

One bedroom, little, you know, units. And they have like a little patio, little concrete patio. And a little bit, you know, on the side of that, that's in the back. And then on the side of the house it was like a patch of grass that they put above ground pool in. And my cousin Mikey, who help build the. The addition here, build a bar, like a tiki bar. And they would post. They'd watch, they had a TV on the tiki bar. They'd watch the Phil's games in the summer in the pool, reaching over, grabbing beers, drinks from a tiki bar. Great, great North Wild wood hang. Nothing's better than an above ground pool. Tiki bar. Phil's going, sure, having beers. But then I think that this is, you know, between. They had to get a new above ground pool and order to do that, they had to remove the old one and then like put sand down or whatever, something there. So they had sand. And then the pool was delayed of getting put in. So for like three weeks it was just sand. And we had beach chairs in there. So you'd go over, you're being flip flops beach you're at. And I remember he's like, dude, I think about that because I was looking at him like we were all sitting there, he's like, everybody's like going, you know, and he's going. I said to him. And I don't. I remember. He's like. I went, why are you putting a pool in? We're chilling, right? Like we're chilling at the beach and we're not on the beach. You got all the good stuff of the beach. Tootsies are in the sand. I'm putting heaters out, scooping them, brushing them over. You know what I mean? I'm like.

[Dave Trolley]

We're vibing a big ashtray.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, what the hell? And he's like, dude. I think about how great those three weeks of that summer were. Like, everybody would just go over. There's 15, 20 chairs on a big circle just hanging and not a care in the world. Tully Nuts as far as the eye can see.

[Dave Trolley]

They don't sell Tully Nuts to go. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. When the. During the pandemic. They were. I didn't have one. Telling it all summer.

[Dave Trolley]

Get a big picture that. To the house as a party. What if they'd ever do that. He had a big party on the shore.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure maybe they would. You know, I remember some of the tailgates. I'd see them. They'd be selling them. They have like a backpack cooler. They'd be selling them for like, you know, whatever with the number one would like the guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember when the Phillies and the. I GUESS it was 2008 or whatever they were. I saw them at the tail. They, you know, tell you Nutter. They were fucking slanging T. Nuts.

[Dave Trolley]

It makes sense.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This one's from Ashley. Is a garbage. You have to wear two different shoes to court. I mean, you're losing that fucking K. Why would you have to. What set of circumstances do you. I could see. Maybe you mess up and you grant you have two. You know, you make the mistake. You're colorblind. But having to.

[Dave Trolley]

They're forced to. Because you don't find you. You know, the other ones. I can't do it. It's too.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean. But the chances of you can't find the left like, that's. I can't understand.

[Dave Trolley]

Dirt Bowl. Sure. Yeah.

[Luke]

Just wear the sneakers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Like you have to have one complete set. You'll look better in a set of fucking flip flops. A set of Crocs then.

[Dave Trolley]

But you wouldn't notice it. How often do you notice a man's shoes? Andy Dufresne, 1955. Right. How often do you notice a man's shoes?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think a judge does take that into account. That's why everybody. You get dressed up in your court.

[Dave Trolley]

But you might never see the feet. If you walk down and to the left and you're behind the table, you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Throw a smoke bomb at the judge. The judge. My. I'm not a judge. I don't.

[Dave Trolley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

A judge has to make snap decisions. I'm saying I think. I think it's well documented that judges analyze that stuff.

[Dave Trolley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all I'm saying.

[Dave Trolley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why they say but you dress up, come in, you know, no one said it. You got two different shoes on. No worries. And we're going to. You know, this is a slam dunk.

[Dave Trolley]

Maybe he was going for an insanity plea. I don't know. Sure got him on his hands.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[Luke]

The Internet saying it's pretty important to wear good shoes.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, why the hell. How's this even up for. Fuck. What are we doing here? Why. How did you know? Even trying to spin this argument. You have to for sure. No no, no judge, no lawyers gonna go. Yeah. Fucking. I see one with the fucking Reebok in the. In the high heel. Yeah, great. Don't matter. Things open and shut. This thrown out cop was drunk. Did you see that drunk cop in Massachusetts?

[Dave Trolley]

No. What happened to him?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean what happened to him? He pulled. I think he pulled someone over. This cop is on fucking Pluto.

[Dave Trolley]

Uniform cop.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

All fucked up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Dave Trolley]

Alcoholic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I don't know why you made it fucking sad. What the fuck? Trying to have fucking fun with that. Oh yeah, man. It's a disease. That's a crippling. Yeah. He got in fucking trouble. He shows up, he's fucking. You know, he looks like you on.

[Dave Trolley]

A Tuesday night pulled somebody over.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't have the whole story, but yeah, he was. He was an arresting officer at a. Some sort of.

[Dave Trolley]

What do you say when you're. That guy? This guy's drunk.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's like, look at this fight. He's like, get your boy. And the other two guys are going, easy does it. Easy does.

[Dave Trolley]

What would you do in that situation?

[Kevin Ryan]

What if you go, let me to go. You go your way, I'll go my way. Someone take your keys. If I come back here and go. Your. Your cop car's here. My shop be like, listen, my shift's done at midnight. If I.

[Dave Trolley]

Let me ask you this. Would he be able to tell if somebody else was drunk? Ok, let's say.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you have it? It's. I think it was in Lowell, Massachusetts, or is in Massachusetts.

[Luke]

Lynn Massey.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What do. Yeah.

[Luke]

He's on administrative leave.

[Kevin Ryan]

But was. What was the. See if you can get the facts of. He pulled someone over. He was just, dude, this guy is looking at you like he's on ketamine. Like, this guy's zooted. Like, how your first reaction was, ah, you know, things happen.

[Dave Trolley]

Well, let me ask you this, okay? So you. Let's say you're. You're driving drunk, okay? And a cop pulls you over.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, I can get that.

[Dave Trolley]

All right. And a cop comes up to the window, right? Here we go drinking tonight, and he's fucked up. Can a drunk person tell when another person is drunk? I don't know if I really can.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, I have. This is my. This is.

[Dave Trolley]

You know. See what I'm saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. And this is how I know another person's drunk. Because I know I'm drunk, right?

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And if I go. This guy. Me and this guy are vibing right now. He's also fucked up because no one's sober. Because I know how much I had to drink, right? It's called 15 beers, a couple shots, you know? I mean, Manhattan. I know I'm drunk. So if me and this dude are speaking the same language.

[Dave Trolley]

Problem? Yeah, I did. You want a heater? I'd say, just think of what you'd be able to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I go, if I got. If I. Listen, if. You know. Not that I. I don't drink and drive. I don't condone it, but if I was. You were drunk, you got pulled over, and a cop was fucked. Me and him are going, oh, God, this cop is fucking making sense to me. I'd go, you had at least eight beers, officer. You know.

[Dave Trolley]

All right, so let's say this. You get pulled over, you're completely sober, and this guy comes up to the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Window, I'd call 91 1. You call 911 and be like this, come get your boy. This guy is three sheets. Yeah. What do you got?

[Luke]

I mean, I'll drop a picture of the guy. He's leaning on the back of the car.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let me pull it up so I can see it. Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh, man, this poor guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, is he high? They're saying he's high. Yeah. Highest on job. Gonna come and deal with.

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know, like I told you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Coming off a double and you got a bad day. They're trying to cover him.

[Dave Trolley]

You got a bad back, okay? Bad back.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what.

[Dave Trolley]

Let me see.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what every dude on drugs says.

[Dave Trolley]

Post.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah. Let's watch this.

[Kevin Ryan]

We gotta watch this Send me, text me or your what? What? Link, are you watching?

[Luke]

Yeah, let me see if I can too.

[Dave Trolley]

His boys are great, man. I mean, those body cams. You really got a tiptoe around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I don't condone the. What is that? What do they call that? The thin blue line or whatever?

[Dave Trolley]

Of course, let me say.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yep. Call your sergeant. I mean, like, I've been this up. Call your sergeant. Wait, that's. Call your sergeant. I want your sergeant here. I have my right rights to call a sergeant here. We're gonna call you a sergeant right now. He's not even moving.

[Dave Trolley]

The guy that's the.

[Kevin Ryan]

The guy who's getting arrested is saying that is going.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, go back. Let me see one more time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't. I don't. I mean, I. Hold on. I don't. I don't have that capacity. It's on Instagram.

[Dave Trolley]

What a dick. Shut up, guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at him. Look at him. Oh, look at him. So highest. Highest on job. Like, I kind of come and deal with.

[Dave Trolley]

Like I told you, coming off a double and you got a bad b.

[Kevin Ryan]

They don't want to get. Listen, they're trying to. They're trying to protect their boy. I don't. I. I mean, see that face right there? Is a guy who is up.

[Dave Trolley]

He worked a double and he's got a bad back. His wife's leaving him from now on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I worked a double. If I'm hungover. I worked a double and I got a bad bag. You know, I got that slip disc.

[Dave Trolley]

What a prick, that guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who.

[Dave Trolley]

Fucking bitching.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, if you're. Listen, I'm not here to cast dispersion.

[Dave Trolley]

You just say, hey, you. You're. You're arresting me for something. Whatever. I'm out of here. I don't care if I.

[Kevin Ryan]

It didn't look like that was happening, though.

[Dave Trolley]

Oh, see that? You got to play ball.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I don't have. I don't have all the facts. I don't know.

[Dave Trolley]

Gotta let him go. You say, listen, just get the fuck out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

It didn't look like that was happening because if that one of those two cops would be like, dude, hey, buddy. All right? They were like, you're still trying to get the collar?

[Dave Trolley]

What are you fucking nuts? You got to get fucking rusty at this point.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's all. It's all document. This ain't the 80s. All. He. The guy who's getting arrested, he's got.

[Dave Trolley]

His cell phone out. If he went in cuffs, how to put him in cuffs?

[Kevin Ryan]

Taking hey, listen, we can do this the hard way or the easy way. Take you downtown, hit you with the phone book.

[Dave Trolley]

If this was the 80s, that guy just would have got fucking clunked over the head and been like, shot up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Dragged the outskirts of town and, you know, left out of the jurisdiction. Yeah, that's jammed up. Do they say. Did they say what it was or what it is or anything like that?

[Luke]

They really are not commenting on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get that. That is it. My union delegates said I'm not allowed to. I'm not allowed to talk about it.

[Dave Trolley]

Probably kombucha or something.

[Luke]

The three local news things are like, just respect the family's privacy and blah, blah.

[Dave Trolley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, they got the news playing ball.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, there you go.

[Luke]

None of them are posting the video.

[Dave Trolley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man. I had to find it on small town. Yeah, yeah. I mean, my. Like the YouTube linked. I was. Mine was looking at an Instagram.

[Dave Trolley]

Get your sergeant down here. Shut the up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. You're taking that side.

[Dave Trolley]

Listen, you're trying to make a bigger case, but you gotta let him go. Even if he's got a body in the trunk, he's. You gotta let him go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do they say. Do they have the details of the series of events? Was that guy making the arrest? Because if that guy's making the arrest, I gotta go, buddy. You had the balls to pull me over and jam my night up. I was gonna get some pussy. All of a sudden. All of a sudden you got me fucking. You pulling me over, dude.

[Luke]

Because he. So the cop was responding to a call of service.

[Kevin Ryan]

He showed up. He's not.

[Dave Trolley]

There's a fucking problem here.

[Kevin Ryan]

I believe it. Oh, my. So that guy showed up zooted. My man.

[Dave Trolley]

Pots and pans.

[Luke]

Based on evidence collected to date, including a review of body cam footage and consultation with medical professionals, it appears the officer experienced a medical related episode.

[Dave Trolley]

A medical relate. Yeah, you could have a medical related episode.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. Jeez. Abusing pharmaceutical painkillers.

[Dave Trolley]

Maybe. But wait, that's what the. That's what the. The. The article says.

[Luke]

That's what Boston25 is saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn, they mean business.

[Dave Trolley]

Hometown right there, dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love to hear it.

[Dave Trolley]

Not trying to rip somebody's life apart up on a job.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's up, dude. I mean, listen, dude, he's chilling. That's bad.

[Dave Trolley]

You always have those one friends.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. Dude, just sleep that one off. Like, listen, I don't know. I've never gotten. I've never had a job like that. Where I could get fucked up. I guess there's a good amount of downtime at night, right? There's probably not small towns, not that many calls. So you're like, you know, they might even have a thing where it's like, hey, hey, Tuesday you get fucked up. Wednesday, I get fucked up. We cover each other. That's what I would do. You know what I mean? Your own call. Hey, you go get. Go get fucked up. You know, I got. I got this, you know, then you could fucked up. Yeah, you like, you know, he was supposed to. He was. He was supposed to be.

[Dave Trolley]

You were Wednesday. Thought I was Tuesday.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought you thought we switched. I thought you were covering for in.

[Dave Trolley]

2008, 2009, 2010, down Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Working in restaurants, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's different. You're not a fucking. You're a fucking busboy.

[Dave Trolley]

Some Naders going on.

[Kevin Ryan]

But to show I just like to have someone just go, yo, dude, I'd like, tell your boy I'm fucked up. I can't make it. Send Jenkins instead. Hey, Gallagher, you got to cover this one. I'm up. I'll. You know, I'll. I'll buy you dinner tomorrow. Something like that. Showing up to a call, that's bad.

[Dave Trolley]

That rules.

[Kevin Ryan]

That ain't good. You are jammed the frig up, dude.

[Dave Trolley]

Tommy 2 guns comes in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody down.

[Dave Trolley]

He's got the gun from Buck Hunter in his hand.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a cat in a tree. Everybody hit the deck. Hands where I can see.

[Dave Trolley]

I'll take care of this. Son of a. Gets the arm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cat out. Damn. All right, let's see. This one's from Patrick Barton. You ever have grandparents retire near the beach, and then you guys start using seashells as ashtrays?

[Dave Trolley]

Oh, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was big. I never thought that. Weird. Down the shore, there was, like, the big seashell, you know, like the stereotypical cartoon seashell.

[Dave Trolley]

Were they clams?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's a big clam.

[Dave Trolley]

Yeah, it is a big clam, right? You never find oyster shells in the beach.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[Dave Trolley]

It's always clams.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know. Do oysters, like. Are oysters, like, caught or, like, more farmed?

[Dave Trolley]

I don't know. There's wild oysters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I assume, but they, like, you know, that.

[Dave Trolley]

That animals eat because that's how those seashells. That's how those seashells, Uhhuh. Wash up on the beach. Animals crack them open.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think that's right.

[Dave Trolley]

What animals like fish and shit?

[Kevin Ryan]

How do. I'm not saying you're Wrong. Never thought about this. How does a fish with no arms crack open a shell that's tough for a human.

[Dave Trolley]

Otters or whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many otters do you see in Wildwood, New Jersey?

[Dave Trolley]

They're out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they're not. You would soon. Where are they at?

[Dave Trolley]

Seals and shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's no seals in Wildwood, New Jersey.

[Dave Trolley]

Seals in the Atlantic Ocean.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not listening. That's a big stretch, the Atlantic Ocean.

[Dave Trolley]

Well, it's not just right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, how.

[Dave Trolley]

Wait a minute. So how do those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen? This. This is it. This is a. I'm not saying my logic is right.

[Dave Trolley]

How does seashells become seashells?

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I worked a double last night and I got a bad back.

[Dave Trolley]

All right? How does seashells become seashells?

[Kevin Ryan]

I believe the clam probably opens or grows or. I'm assuming it's something in the clams.

[Dave Trolley]

Lifestyle doesn't jump from show to show.

[Kevin Ryan]

They can't show. I'm not saying they don't. I'm just saying something in the clam's life cycle. I don't think there's. I would have seen an otter.

[Dave Trolley]

How does the clam make that shell? It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

There'd be an otter fucking under the boardwalk catching heaters or something.

[Dave Trolley]

I assume they're just like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dudes would be catching otters in North Wildwood if there was otters.

[Dave Trolley]

Sure. I just assumed that those seashells that wash up on the beach are thousands of years old. That got cracked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa. We just have very different perspectives of that.

[Dave Trolley]

No. You think they're new?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. New? I didn't think. Thousands of years old.

[Dave Trolley]

Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

Couple a year, two years?

[Luke]

I wouldn't think thousands. But their big predators are blue crabs, birds. Also, otters are in there. Sea otters.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. I'm for sure agreeing with otters. Crack them open.

[Dave Trolley]

Where do seashells come from?

[Kevin Ryan]

How does a clam.

[Luke]

This feels like a stupid cuckle.

[Dave Trolley]

You never seen an otter crack open an oyster?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, no, no, no, buddy, I'm all on board with that. I'm saying that that for sure happens. But how. How are they washing up in Wildwood? Did I start.

[Dave Trolley]

Just throw them in the water when they're done.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, so where's the nearest otter to Wildwood?

[Dave Trolley]

Okay, I get that there's blue crabs in the ocean, right? You give me that. You give me that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm just trying to understand the logic.

[Dave Trolley]

A blue crab goes in, rips open the fucking clam, eats it, breaks the shell, The Rest of the nature eats out the rest of the crap in the shell and then it washes up on the. On the shore. And your fat ass picks it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Puts a butt out of it with.

[Dave Trolley]

That ration between your legs.

[Luke]

Oysters build their own shells?

[Dave Trolley]

Not oysters, dog. Okay, how do seashells get made?

[Luke]

Okay.

[Dave Trolley]

Where do seashells come from? Top of the oysters. Yes. Oysters make their own shell, which is nuts. How the fuck does that thing make its own shell?

[Kevin Ryan]

Marine animals called mollusks, such as clams, oysters and snails, which secrete minerals and calcium carbonate from their specialized mantle tissue to form their hard protective exoskeletons. When the mollus dies, the soft body decomposes, leaving the empty shells. Yeah. So they die when the malas die. Yeah. So, like, I think I was right. The natural life cycle of these things don't live for fucking. You know, they die. It could be five years, ten years, a thousand years. They die and they open up and then they wash. For an otter, I mean, there'd have to be a bajillion otters cracking shells open all day long for that. For that many shells.

[Dave Trolley]

Like a vet eating pistachios at a bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just like fucking like you're at the Texas Roadhouse dropping his shells. That's. Yeah. No, wait.

[Dave Trolley]

Sorry, Luki.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's like my boyfriend.

[Dave Trolley]

Tell me about the oysters. How long do they live for?

[Luke]

25 to 30 years.

[Dave Trolley]

Get the out of here. What? Not on my plate.

[Kevin Ryan]

10, 15 seconds. All right. We gotta wrap it up, though.

[Dave Trolley]

What a fun one. Gang, we can't thank you enough for joining us. Make sure you get your tickets to the Back of the Block tour which starts very, very soon. Be out on the Left Coast. Gonna have a good, good time. Come and see us.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seattle, Portland, San Fran. La. Get the Tickies.

[Dave Trolley]

Love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.