Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Corporate Takeover" – Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode Information:

• Title: Corporate Takeover w/ Kippy & Foley
• Release Date: March 24, 2025
• Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Description: Comedians Kevin Ryan and H. Foley continue their trashy comedy game show format, where guests are put to the test to determine if they're "GARBAGE." This episode features a special guest duo, Kippy & Foley, delving into various comedic and relatable topics.

---

Introduction and Merchandise Promotion (00:00 – 02:56)

The episode opens with Kevin Ryan and H. Foley enthusiastically promoting their latest merchandise:

• RU Garbage Card Game (2025 Edition): Featuring 50 new questions to determine if friends or family members are trash. [00:00]
• Ant Tooties Party Packs: Including ashtrays, shot glasses, beer koozies, coasters, and matchbooks. [00:14]

Notable Quote:

• Kevin Ryan [00:14]: "They're going to go hot. See yas."

The hosts encourage listeners to purchase these limited-edition items from their website, emphasizing their popularity and limited supply.

Episode Kickoff and Show Premise (02:56 – 05:00)

H. Foley welcomes listeners to another edition of "Are You Garbage?", explaining the show's premise where comedians and guests are humorously judged on their classiness or trashiness.

Notable Quote:

• H. Foley [02:56]: "We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out if they're a classy individual or an absolute trash."

The conversation briefly touches on their personal setups, mentioning a new wok in their kitchen as they prepare for stir fry, adding a casual and relatable tone to the episode.

Introducing Guests: Kippy & Foley (05:00 – 12:00)

The focus shifts to their special guests, Kippy & Foley, highlighting their roles and contributions to RU Garbage as international businessmen. The hosts emphasize Kippy's significant role in the company, setting the stage for deeper conversations.

Notable Quote:

• K.J. Kevin James Orion [01:35]: "What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always."

Main Discussion: Paying Bills in Cash (09:00 – 18:21)

One of the primary topics discussed is the etiquette and perception of paying restaurant bills entirely in cash. Anthony, a listener, questions whether settling a $350 restaurant bill with all $20s and $10s is considered classy or trashy.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan [09:32]: "What's our thoughts on paying the restaurant bill in all cash?"
• H. Foley [09:57]: "Is there any class in paying entirely in cash?"

The hosts debate the implications of such actions, humorously dissecting Anthony's experience of tipping $50 on a $350 bill and the resulting awkwardness with the waiter.

Kevin Ryan [09:57] elaborates on the calculation of tipping percentages, showcasing his quick math skills:

• Kevin Ryan [10:11]: "That's under 20%."

H. Foley also addresses societal perceptions, arguing that cash-only transactions would benefit servers and restaurant owners alike, though Kevin counters by noting that modern conveniences like credit cards are now preferred.

Notable Interaction:

• H. Foley [09:33]: "I was picking up a bird. We were picking up a birthday cake for somebody the bird works with."
• Kevin Ryan [10:07]: "Tens and twenties is a tough look."

Anecdotes: Lottery Experiences and Cash Handling (18:21 – 36:57)

The conversation transitions to personal anecdotes about lottery experiences and handling cash:

• Lottery Stories: Kevin shares his history with selling lottery tickets and the complexities of managing them, especially before scaling up production.

  Notable Quote:

  • H. Foley [06:39]: "Maybe he's on a heater up there."

• Cash in Restaurants: Both hosts reflect on past experiences where paying large sums in cash led to confrontations or misunderstandings, often resulting in humorous fallout.

• School Bus Safety: Kippy narrates his childhood role as a safety monitor on the school bus, sharing funny and nostalgic stories about managing younger students and navigating school trips.

  Notable Quote:

  • Kevin Ryan [24:13]: "I really thought I was on the job. I was talking. Hey, Dylan Pinkerton, he was our. Adopt a cop fat motherfucker."

User-Submitted Questions and Comedic Banter (36:57 – 57:28)

The hosts address various user-submitted scenarios, determining whether they're "garbage" or classically acceptable:

1. Moving Back with Dad at Age 40:

   • Question: Is it garbage to move back with your dad at age 40 when he just remarried his new wife who is 38?

   • Discussion: The hosts humorously dissect the dynamics, questioning the maturity and financial independence of the individual involved.

     Notable Quote:

     • H. Foley [36:54]: "She is now her mom."

2. Pregnancy Announcement at Dollar Beer Night:

   • Question: Is it garbage to announce a pregnancy during Dollar Beer Night with the whole family present?

   • Discussion: They explore the balance between family gatherings and personal announcements, poking fun at the chaotic nature of such events.

     Notable Quote:

     • H. Foley [38:46]: "Now you're assuming they're Italian."

3. Pregnancy Announcement Through Novel Methods:

   • Question: Is it garbage for a seven-year-old to use terms like "Bonkos" or "Mimi" when asking for beverages?

   • Discussion: The hosts commend the creativity while maintaining their trashy humor stance.

     Notable Quote:

     • Kevin Ryan [44:44]: "That's a good kid on your hands there."

4. Letter of Recommendation Scam:

   • Question: Is it garbage to help friends by writing fraudulent letters of recommendation to secure jobs or better deals?

   • Discussion: They humorously outline the ethical grey areas and the cleverness behind such dirtbag moves.

     Notable Quote:

     • Kevin Ryan [56:12]: "That might be the most bulletproof dirtbag move I've ever heard in my life."

Promotional Segments (Skipped) (17:00 – 20:18; 50:00 – 51:20)

Following the main content, the episode includes promotional segments for:

• Sol's Gummies: THC and melatonin-infused gummies for better sleep.
• BetterHelp: Online therapy services offering mental health support.

Note: As per the user's instructions, these advertisement sections are skipped in the summary.

Closing Stories and Final Thoughts (57:28 – 59:21)

Wrapping up, the hosts share final humorous stories about past experiences, such as attending unlicensed boxing matches, interacting with school buses, and reminiscing about old friendships and workplaces. These anecdotes reinforce the show's theme of blending comedic storytelling with the "trashy" persona of the hosts.

Notable Quote:

• Kevin Ryan [59:18]: "That's a goddamn home run, gang. We love you. We'll see you next week."

The hosts conclude the episode on a high note, inviting listeners to return for more comedic insights and entertaining discussions in future episodes.

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Key Takeaways:

• Humorous Examination of Everyday Situations: The hosts use comedy to dissect and determine the "grade" of various life scenarios.
• Relatable Personal Stories: Sharing their own experiences adds authenticity and relatability, enhancing listener engagement.
• Engaging Listener Interaction: Addressing user-submitted questions fosters a community feel and encourages listener participation.
• Consistent "Trashy" Persona: Maintaining their unique comedic style, the hosts effectively entertain while exploring relatable topics.

Overall, "Corporate Takeover" offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and relatable questions, all wrapped in the hosts’ signature trashy comedy style, making it an engaging episode for both regular listeners and newcomers alike.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Gang, we got a brand new big merch alert. The 2025 edition of the RU Garbage Card Game is now available at rugarbage.com It's 50 brand new questions to find out whether your friends or family are trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, we also have Ant Tooties party packs available, which comes with an Antuti ashtray, shot glasses, beer koozies, Antuti coasters, and matchbooks. All available rugarbage.com limited supplies. Get them while they're there. They're going to go hot. See yas.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage?

[Mike Hos]

Hey.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, Stage Foley coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. She just got a brand new wok.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

We're gonna be having stir fry tonight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, wok and roll, baby. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Very excited.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

She's loving it. She seasoned it up. She said it's gonna be delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, great.

[H. Foley]

Mike Hos is coming at you from across the table. This is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Homies circle the wagons.

[H. Foley]

He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and he' pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for K.J. kevin James. Orion.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's up, everybody? Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate View subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube now. Full video available on Spotify and also the 2025 are you garbage card game is on sale right now. Go over to rugarbage.com and get them while supplies last. It's a limited run and the they're going to be moving some units that.

[H. Foley]

Go quick and then everybody's bitching where the cards at?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, I know.

[H. Foley]

It makes so many.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're trying. We're trying. Listen, I mean, I don't own a manufacturing company in China, all right? It's not easy to make this one day. We will one day. If I put my mind through, I'd be making shirts or something.

[H. Foley]

Cards are a good time. You play with the playing with the gang. Play a little Drinking game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Out of illegally not allowed to say drinking game. It's just a game you can enjoy a beverage with. That's all I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

Find out who trashiest person in your family and your friend group is, which we've heard from.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I think now this is the third version.

[H. Foley]

We've done the third edition.

[Kevin Ryan]

Third edition of it. And we first started, we were packing them while we were. I was literally making. We were making them and packing them ourselves.

[H. Foley]

We were using, weren't we, what we were using.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were using stamps.com, stamps.com, stamps.com family. And now we, we're working with somebody that doesn't for us. But this is the third one. Get them while supplies last. They go quick, gang.

[H. Foley]

Love you.

[Kevin Ryan]

And also they'll lead to a lot of fights. I've heard at family parties, you start playing. Listen, you're a fan of the show. You think it's funny. You buy a deck, you go to, you know, your nana's 90th grand, your 90s, your night, your nana's 90th birthday party and start calling her a dirt bag. She don't like it. All right. I've heard she ain't a fan of it.

[H. Foley]

That's how we got Luke Combs on the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Playing the, Playing the card game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Mm. I wanted to ask you this. I had a little situation yesterday that reminded me of something very, very trashy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I was. I was at a business. I made a purchase. Okay. A very old school business. Some old school people behind the counter. I believe it was a mother and a daughter that worked there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Can I ask you what kind of place this was and why you're being so vague about it?

[H. Foley]

I wasn't, I wasn't being vague.

[Kevin Ryan]

You weren't being descriptive.

[H. Foley]

It's not really. It was a bakery.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

It's not important to the story.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

All right. I was picking up a bird. We were picking up a birthday cake for somebody the bird works with.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I get a little thing, Irish soda bread, though. It's fucking. What do you mean though?

[Kevin Ryan]

March.

[H. Foley]

Okay. Anywho, the total came to 2025. And the woman behind the counter goes, Ooh, 2025. That's an easy number. And then I go, you got to play that number tonight. And the daughter goes, I was just about to say the same thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a dirt bag thing, that D.

[H. Foley]

Dude, we've been doing that. I gotta play that number tonight. I gotta play that number tonight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Better. Yeah. Get down to the lotto. Play. That's a daily number right there.

[H. Foley]

34. 34. You gotta play that.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were a 3134 family for a very long time. Why my stepdad's race car numbers.

[H. Foley]

Wait, would that ever come up?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, no. But that's why when I play roulette, I play 31 and 34 in honor of.

[H. Foley]

Ah, he's at the big.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's at the big Flemington Raceway in the sky. If you catch my turn. There's his helmet right there, guys. God damn. Guy's a goddamn amateur local race car driver.

[H. Foley]

Hopefully he's on a heater up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's smoking a heater. If I know him, he's got a heater cranked a Winston soft pack that any Ford Ranger anytime.

[H. Foley]

A number that, like, somehow had a rhythm to it or made sense. I'm going to play that tonight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. That was big. And I used to sell those lottery tickets at the Acme. And, man, they would come in and that's a whole language. And it took me a while to learn the 34. 34, 30. They'd come in and they talk to you like you've been doing it. But I just. Hey, let me get 34.39, boxing straight daily pick number. And you're like, fucking. And I would print up tickets. And you can't undo those tickets back in the day. I'm sure you can now, but back in the day, I had to buy the tickets at the end of the. Someone had to buy the tickets at the end of the day.

[H. Foley]

That was my brother's move back, back in the day, not to go for the big jackpot, go for the little one.

[Kevin Ryan]

But the daily number, they used to read it like three times. They hit you at nine at lunchtime and at dinner time.

[H. Foley]

The four. What's it called?

[Kevin Ryan]

Pick four.

[H. Foley]

Pick four?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, it's probably pick four, big.

[H. Foley]

Pick, four guys, big pick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because those jackpots were like nine grand, 10 grand, five grand.

[H. Foley]

That's not crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. They do two a day. One at noon, one at seven. Love that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just like. It's so funny when you think about it. It's just like old bookie shit. You know what I mean? It's like they're just. They're just running numbers and pumping dope. That's all they. That's all the PA Light.

[H. Foley]

Your grandmother's neighborhood. No shit. It's crazy. I always wanted to be one of the guys doing that. What I'd love to know if we. If anybody out there has ever done that. Let us know what. Have you ever been the guy drawing the numbers on your local.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do they still do that?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they still do that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, sorry.

[H. Foley]

They get some broad or whoever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Somebody from some school.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never understood how they just got one ball up there that blew my. I would watch that. Like that was NASA technology, big technology.

[H. Foley]

How you could fix that, how you could know?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think he can. I mean, maybe he can.

[H. Foley]

I called two of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just film that in the studio three days ahead of time.

[H. Foley]

When I was like nine years old, I got two of them. We were all sitting there together watching it. And I got like 6 and 7 or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm doing this. Like you're like. You're actually like talking. You're like 14 for a second.

[H. Foley]

My mom was on her feet. She was about to take me right down to Barnum and Bailey, throw holy water at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

The fat one's possessed.

[H. Foley]

Take me to an atm. Start guessing pin numbers. All right, that's neither here nor there, gang. As I said, we're here for a family episode. As you know, when you sign up for the old Patreon there, you could have your question read on the air by Kevin Ryan himself. Whoa, former lottery winner.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just won a new car.

[H. Foley]

You've never won, right? The lottery. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, I played scratchers when we were on the road out there in the Midwest, I believe, in Wisconsin.

[H. Foley]

I saw them over there in the corner. You didn't fucking say nothing, by the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

You didn't tell anybody you weren't scratching them?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I wasn't gonna scratch him in a brand new car. That's how you get all the fucking dust off. I did them in the. I did it in the. I did them in my. Whatever room before we left Wisconsin. My hotel room before we left Wisconsin.

[H. Foley]

Just so we all. Just so we all agree, okay, if you win anything on the road, we all split it. I think that's the gentleman's move.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, everybody. Anybody in the van dies.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I don't agree with that.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think if one of the openers or Luki or Ryan Dees wins. I'm not taking their money. Luke's maybe fucking Dempsey Group.

[H. Foley]

All right, if we win, we'll share it with everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can share with everybody.

[H. Foley]

I'll share. Taking my money, but that goes for the losses, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What am I doing? Listen, if we were all playing six bucks. Hold on. If we were all playing that'd be one thing. But I'm the only one that ponied up fifty bucks for ten, five. Ten dollar tickets. Nobody else is fucking. So what? They. I'm just. I risk everything and everybody gets the reward. No thank you. That's communism, all right? This is America. We practice capitalism. Put your money on the table. You want to enter the game? You want to buy $50 worth of scratchers? We can commute, we can do that. But I ain't the only one buying scratches to split my fucking prize with my personal money, by the way. I tried to do it on a company card, but I got fucking nixed. That's content. We're shooting content.

[H. Foley]

Should do it on the company card. That way we could write it off or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I listen, I tried. That's when I realized I didn't have my company card, which I still cannot find, by the way.

[H. Foley]

Great.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought it was in here. It is.

[H. Foley]

Whoever has it. I hope you're having a good time.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I froze it this morning.

[H. Foley]

This morning? That was like two weeks ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

How about a busy couple of weeks? What you want? My wife's pregnant.

[H. Foley]

What you want from me? Congratulations.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thank you. All right, let's. Let's friggin get into it here. Okay. This is From Anthony, our $10. Homie here never had one ride, kid can't spell. What?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

What's our thoughts on paying the restaurant bill in all cash? We know about tipping in cash is classy, but what about paying the entirety of the bill in cash? I recently went out to eat with my family for my mom's birthday and I paid a $350 tab in all 20s and tens. Felt like the waiter looked. The waiter was looking at me like I sold drugs. Left a 50. $50 tip though. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Give me that 350 bill. $50 tip.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's under 20%.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Anthony, what are you doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

That might have been. It might have been a $300 bill, but that's still low, I think.

[H. Foley]

Crunch those numbers, give them the benefit of the doubt. $300 times 0.20.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's under. Because $20 would be 60. 20% would be $60.

[H. Foley]

Is that right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Whoa. How'd you do that that fast? I can't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can spot lottery numbers too. It's just $20. What's 20% of 100?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. What's 20%?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no. Let's walk through it. What's 20% of 120? Okay, how many hundreds are in 303. So what's three times 20?

[H. Foley]

60.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. He did it.

[H. Foley]

The long way to go to find out Anthony's a cheap son of a bitch. Don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't fucking Anthony. I think you're a great guy and I'm happy you never have one ride, the tip notwithstanding.

[H. Foley]

And plus we don't know all the details so we don't want to trash you.

[Kevin Ryan]

But a little too late for that now. You're dragging his good name.

[H. Foley]

The server shouldn't have gave you a fucking a funny face that that's what they want. If listen every single restaurant in the. In the world. If they could get by doing cash only, they would. Every server, every restaurant owner, cash only. They would. They would love that because the best restaurants don't take reservations and are cash only.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd push back on that now.

[H. Foley]

Not at all. Not at all. Those old school joints, when you say I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you can do just wait. You're moving the goalpost. You're. Which I you allow you to do. But you said the best restaurants in the world or the country or wherever don't take reservations or cash. I'd have to push back on you.

[H. Foley]

You mean like as far as like Michelin and all that kind of stuff?

[Kevin Ryan]

Just the best restaurant. The restaurants we go to that we really enjoy, that we think are the best. Had, take reservation. They definitely take. They definitely take credit card.

[H. Foley]

A lot of old school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. I haven't paid cash in a fucking restaurant building cash in fucking 10 years.

[H. Foley]

Because they can't get away with it. Okay, so a lot of old school places.

[Kevin Ryan]

Old school is different than the best that are good.

[H. Foley]

That are really good. They do that because they can get away. They don't need to do credit cards.

[Kevin Ryan]

I completely agree with.

[H. Foley]

People will still show up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I completely agree with you.

[H. Foley]

All right. Thank you. So Antony. Fuck that guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now I listen. I do get 10. 2010. This is what it's saying. You're just. You're going. You're just arguing a different point. Tens and twenty. Tens and twenties is a tough look.

[H. Foley]

Tens are bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

The twenties are okay are somehow more crackhead than a five because a five means you had money before and had debris. You can get a 10 out of an ATM. That's a tough crazy.

[H. Foley]

But I used to have to find ATMs that did 10 shout out to.

[Kevin Ryan]

17Th and diamond in North Philly. I would go take out $10 and spend 550 on a chicken cheesesteak, salt and pepper on the fries popping and a large Diet Pepsi. That's where my love affair for Diet Pepsi.

[H. Foley]

450 in your pocket.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Pack of heaters. Maybe I get you halfway to a pack. If I had another dollar left over from before.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's half. That's. That's a pack of heater. Pack of heaters. Probably five back in the day.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Trying to find. It's funny because the nicer banks. When you go to an ATM at like a bank. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, how do you want this?

[H. Foley]

And I.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's math. I can't do quick.

[H. Foley]

Well, it figures it out for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. It'll just give it. Yeah, I know, but like, it's like. Do you want. I had to take out a guy. I had to pay someone off the books.

[H. Foley]

Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I just. Somebody. What are you talking. What are you in my business for?

[H. Foley]

Was it me?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm doing a comedy bit here. Let's go. And I had to take out a couple hunches, and that was like I. Because I don't like walking around with hundreds. Because you can't use them for nothing. My cash is tips to people. A5 here, there. 20 here. You done? Are you done? I done. Fucking Henry Hill all of a sudden.

[H. Foley]

Chicken parmesan. Keep them coming.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I need. I was paying somebody $200. I wanted to give them hundreds. That's a gentleman's bill. Hundreds, hundreds, sure. Tensor tens are grind time.

[H. Foley]

But isn't it funny that that's a pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's grime time.

[H. Foley]

Isn't it funny?

[Kevin Ryan]

New shirts coming soon. Grind time.

[H. Foley]

How they used to look down on people that would go to ATMs like me. Go to 8, have to go to the ATM, try to get $10 out of it. Try to find an ATM with tens. Now the nice banks.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but I don't think they're. You're not just taking out 15 bucks. Sure. You're taking out a couple hundred. Because now I think it's more appointment. Before, you used to have to have cash. Now you're going. Your people are going to. Going, oh, shit. I need. I don't have any cash. I need 70 bucks to give to my roommate. So they're letting you get that 70 bucks right before you're going, I just need cash. I'll go break it. But whatever. Now it's going. Come here. Get cash, because we'll give you exactly what you're looking for. Because Nobody just needs 80 bucks. You need 75.

[H. Foley]

What'd you just have in your mouth there?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Piece of hair, something. Freak show.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? I got a piece of hair in my mouth. I trimmed my pubes earlier that sucked my dick. Oh, wet my. Call that. Wet my whistle. This guy's all over me today.

[H. Foley]

Softening.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're like Brian Scalabrini.

[H. Foley]

Softening the reed.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You know, on the saxophone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Throw your music microphone.

[H. Foley]

Okay, Anthony, great question.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I listen. I like painting, Cat. I do agree that it's. If you want to come, like, listen, paint with it. In America, that's legal tender. Paying pennies. That's a dickhead move. But that's your legal right as an American. I would. Tens is a tough look, as you know. That's why he wrote in, if you can level a hundred, you know, whatever. If you can. But I like that move.

[H. Foley]

You say, stop at a bank and say, hey, can.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but then it's like, fuck it. Give him the tens. Fuck that guy. He's getting the cash.

[H. Foley]

That guy. I.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's getting a 12% tip. Fuck him.

[H. Foley]

I always get funny looks if I. If I have to do that. If I go to. Because Navy Federal, it's hard to find a branch. Hard to find a branch. But if I go to another bank, take out money, and then go inside, be like, hey, I had to do that for a wedding not that long ago because the ATM only gave 20s. I wasn't gonna give 20s. I went in, I was like, hey, can you change this for hundreds?

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm. What they say, holding it up in the light.

[H. Foley]

And I'm pretty sure I gave my cousin a handful. Oh, it is what it is of 20s.

[Kevin Ryan]

20S are good. Now you need 20s. I'm a 20s and fives guy.

[H. Foley]

I gave it to the groom with no envelope. I was like, here, this is for you guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a dirty.

[H. Foley]

It was. I was like. I handed him a little grenade. He's like, thanks. I'll put it in the box.

[Kevin Ryan]

Keep that. For you, for you, for you.

[H. Foley]

But as a. As a former server, I can tell you this. There ain't nothing better when somebody hands you a thing full of cash and says, do you need change? No. Boom, out the door. You doing all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

And, yeah, you're a good kid, Kent.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about soul.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ooh. Shout out to soul.

[H. Foley]

Gang. Gang. Do you need a little help falling asleep out there?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know I do.

[H. Foley]

Sure. We all do. How does bad sleep affect you? That's a big question. It affects you the next day. You're tired, you're cranky. You don't Want to deal with anybody? How about a little nightcap? Little gummies to help you get to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sleep, take the edge off.

[H. Foley]

Dude, you heard us talking about sols out of the office gummies. Now get Sol's nightcap. Put you to sleep, get a nice night's sleep. Wake up the next day feeling fantastic. And just a little side note, they got the seltzers. I had one of those. They were fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. They've been nice enough to send us their whole product array. Shout out to the nightcaps that little bit to take the edge off. Listen, everybody out there, you're stressed. You're trying to make ends meet. You're crushing coffees, you're doom scrolling. I'm in bed just fucking, just thinking the end of the world's coming. Everybody needs a little something to take the edge off. And with the soul nightcap, it can do that. It's like herbal tea and soft pajamas. The THC and melatonin and Sol's nightcap gummies work together to promote deep restorative sleep. THC helps prepare your mind and body for bedtime, helping reduce anxiety, stress and pain so you can go to sleep faster and stay asleep longer at the same time. Melatonin signals your body's internal clock that it's time to sleep, ultimately helping to regulate your sleep wake cycle. And Sol's nightcap gummies contain CBN and cbd so you canso you sleep deeply and wake up without feeling groggy.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Last but not least, everything is absolutely delicious. Every bite is packed with blueberry lemonade to put you sweet in your sweet dreams. Daddy O. So tell that poor crappy sleep goodbye and good night. Head to getsold.com, use the code garbage for 30% off your order. That's 30% off your order. Using code garbage one last time. Getsold.com, use the code Garbage 30% off debt gang.

[H. Foley]

The show is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes, as a lot of you know out there, Uncle Hank has started a mental health journey. Okay, feeling better, feeling good. Got some tools to work on, some things that I need to work on. And I'm telling you right now, that journey wouldn't have begun if I didn't start with BetterHelp. Yes, better help can actually change your life. Whether you got something big going on, some small going on, you get to talk to a licensed therapist from the privacy of your own home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from 100 to $250 per session, which adds up fast. But with BetterHelp online therapy, you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and on time. Therapy should feel accessible, not like a luxury. And with online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense, can help you with anything from anxiety. If you got an anxiety disorder to everyday stresses, your mental health is worth it. And now it's within reach. I'm happy to say. I very recently restarted talk therapy. Big fan. II went without it for a while. Everybody needs it. It's such a good. So nice to have a sounding board. They have over 30,000 therapists. BetterHelp is the world's largest online therapy platform and has served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient. You can join a session at the click of a button, helping you fit therapy into your busy life. Plus you could switch therapists at any time, which is a very big key point. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com garbage. You get 10% off your first month. That's better help.com garbage. Do it now. Back to the show.

[H. Foley]

Back to the show.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, this one's from tombow. What's up, $10, homie. Longtime bozo. Ever been on a school bus on the highway? And I don't mean for a field trip, I mean sitting in commuter traffic on the interstate to get to third grade.

[H. Foley]

Man, I didn't really think about that. The bus never really went on the highway. You were like going up and that was a big day.

[Kevin Ryan]

You were. If you're going on a field trip on fucking Tuesday, you were talking about that on the Friday before being like, we're going nine. I would probably go down Woodhaven, get all 95.

[H. Foley]

Sports were different. We used to take it all the time. But. But man, back in the. In grade school. Yeah, it was always a different bus too. I feel like they put you in a little bit better bus if you were going down to the city or getting on the highway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ours was the same. Ours. Well, we have much of a dirt bag. I was, I was, I was in charge of logistics back then. I knew that if you were going over two hours, you got a star bus because they had a bathroom on them. Otherwise all these kids be pissing their pants. A bunch of 8 year olds have.

[H. Foley]

To tie their Starbucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's the brand star S T.

[H. Foley]

A R. You'd be on like a Chinatown bus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. With a bedroom.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. If you were going more than two Hours. Dude, think about. You got. You got.

[H. Foley]

Why would you be going more than two hours on a school day?

[Kevin Ryan]

We went to Lancaster. We went to Harrisburg. Went out there and got some pies.

[H. Foley]

Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Watch those idiot Amish people walk around, take pictures of them.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if I've ever been on a. Was on a bus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like really? Yeah, we had to pay. They cost you too. They were like 50 bucks ahead.

[H. Foley]

Maybe. Our sixth grade camping trip, we took one of those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

I feel like we drove up with the teachers in cars. That doesn't sound right. Yikes.

[Kevin Ryan]

That sounds like a molestacion.

[H. Foley]

I don't remember a lot of it either. Were you a safety back in school? Yes. In grade school you were. You were on the job, huh? You had to.

[Kevin Ryan]

All sixth graders did it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I didn't qualify.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or maybe not everybody.

[H. Foley]

I had flat feet.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember. And a fat ass boy's got a dump truck on him.

[H. Foley]

I didn't pass the psych profile.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're in there, you got a fucking. You got a gun to your head. You're like listen. And Doc, you ain't never seen like this. Hey listen buddy. I served two. Two tours up by the buses. I've seen some.

[H. Foley]

I took my badge away.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember as a fat kid, I never.

[H. Foley]

Nobody listened.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I did.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna chase me. Those kids were always dicks.

[Kevin Ryan]

So we had. I don't know what you guys had, but we had the, the. It was like a. I'd never seen anything. Only the safety bag.

[H. Foley]

It was an orange thing that went like that and then it clipped and raptor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you ever see that? Imagine like yours didn't pull that out.

[H. Foley]

You wore yours like a gangster wears a tie hanging down.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was. I've never expressed. I've never expressed this to another soul. I was so nervous that it was not going to fit starting in fourth grade. So for two whole years I every. I was like, man, I'd be looking. That was like my summer bot. Like I was trying to get my. My beach body was. I was like, by sixth grade I'm gonna lose the weight and be able to fit.

[H. Foley]

You need a seatbelt extender for your safety strap.

[Kevin Ryan]

But for whatever reason I. The fucking fat kid gods looked down upon the. And they were. They had a big box of them and they were go. I think I had tried one. All I got my hands on one.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I went to an army navy store or probably tried my brothers on or something. And mine for whatever they were just going through randomly out of a Box. And the one I got was slightly different and bigger.

[H. Foley]

Uh huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

And man.

[H. Foley]

Little different shade of orange.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was a little lighter. A little lighter orange. Not that deep or not that deep. Tropicana we're talking on. And man, it clicked. Oh, how you couldn't tell me shit. I had a great post. I was down outside the. So I was outside. So the buses come up.

[H. Foley]

Officer Eyebrows over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

I really thought I was on the job. I was talking. Hey, Dylan Pinkerton, he was our. Adopt a cop fat motherfucker.

[H. Foley]

Would you put your plate in your bulletproof vest or.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, but I would be cool and I would take. The cool kids didn't have it around here. The cool kids had it around the waist.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then let like the hoop drag down like a chain. Kind of like a chain wallet.

[H. Foley]

You do ankle gun or. Right here. I did Serpico style.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did sold off around the back. Fucking spin it around. What's. What'd you say, Bunk? Get on the bus. I'm chewing gum. I'm just saying I don't want any trouble today.

[H. Foley]

It's in the trees, Johnny.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had. I had a great post, dude. Because he got out of class a little early.

[H. Foley]

Like ten minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ten minutes.

[H. Foley]

I mean it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was probably two and a half. But I had to get down to my post. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Cash in your pension.

[Kevin Ryan]

Had to relieve the cop who was on duty. You know, I'm sitting in an old like Monte Carlo, like a stakeout. I got a cup of coffee on the dash.

[H. Foley]

You got a new guy with you. Aren't we going to the office? You're in the office, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't know you.

[H. Foley]

Smash mouth starts playing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't know you get wet. I dipped your chicken fingers in Sherm.

[H. Foley]

How's your Spanish, huh? Better learn that motherfuckers be out here plotting on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kippy.

[H. Foley]

Ah, shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I was right next to the buses. So when my bus pulled up, 73 purple or whatever it was, I would be the first guy on the bus backseat post it up.

[H. Foley]

Wait. Why shouldn't you have? You were supposed to let everybody on. Make sure until your bus comes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then I'm all duty.

[H. Foley]

I gotta get my.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta get my cool guys.

[H. Foley]

You didn't finish the job and let everybody get on the bus. And then you get on like a good leader would. And then you say to the bus driver, let's go.

[Kevin Ryan]

First of all, I was 10. I would talk about a good leader. I was fucking 10 years old.

[H. Foley]

Should have said I Helped all the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Little kids get on a bus. Hey, get on there.

[H. Foley]

Probably going through their lunches.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your sister, nice guy. Sister asking about me. Tell her I got a good job, good post.

[H. Foley]

20 years, good pennies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. We could go move to Boca or something. I remember praying. Praying that that band would fit for years. I was so nervous.

[Mike Hos]

I imagine like future Kippy coming in and like it's like a 30 year old kippy handing you the belt. John Connor.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're good kid. You gotta eat all the tater tots in the cafeteria.

[H. Foley]

I was always nervous about the pennies when it was penny day.

[Kevin Ryan]

We didn't really mess with the pennies.

[H. Foley]

We got lucky.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh yeah. You look like. If you. I mean you look like ten pounds of shit in a five pound bag wearing a penny.

[H. Foley]

Tough because it would pull up.

[Kevin Ryan]

It rides up. Yeah. No good. They always smelled like dog dick. Yikes. Hey buddy. I can't be going. I can't be going down to the squad room smelling like a bum's nutsack.

[H. Foley]

I know dude. You pull those things out of the box. Hey Mr. Smith. Did you keep this in your asshole last night? You stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

But yeah, big busy. Loved it. Couldn't tell me shit. I. That was the coolest thing to me. Being a bus. Safe. Having a job. I always just wanted a job. Go to work with my dad. Ever tell you I went down, I was on a shutdown. Working at a hotel. I ever tell you that? I was about 10 years old. He took. I may be younger. I got a new pair of jeans. Around Christmas time. I got a new pair of jeans. I never told you this. I got a new pair of carpenter jeans. I thought I was. I thought I was in the union. And me and his boy Jerry got.

[H. Foley]

A hello Kitty pen stuffed in the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me and his boy brand new work boots. And they had to do a shutdown at a. They had to replace a T or something. Replace a fitting.

[H. Foley]

So you mean shut down. Shut down the water.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shut down a water of a hotel.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Overnight active. Yeah, but you got to do that overnight.

[H. Foley]

Crime scene.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got to do that overnight.

[H. Foley]

Uh huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Drove downtown. Coolest thing I got a coffee. Hit The Wawa like 8pm Got a coffee. French vanilla.

[H. Foley]

10.

[Kevin Ryan]

What at PM no.

[H. Foley]

You were 10 years old. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would do the French vanilla from the machine at the Wahhua. My dad called it go get your foo foo drink.

[H. Foley]

Can't give a kid 10 year old coffee at 8 o'clock at night.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you're missing the point. I was going down to work. I Was going down to work with fucking pipe fitters.

[H. Foley]

Small hands. You could climb through the pipes.

[Kevin Ryan]

He sent me. Tie a rope around me. Send me through to clear it like a rat. Clearing tunnels like Vietnam.

[H. Foley]

I'll see you on the other side.

[Kevin Ryan]

Save my chicken fingers for him. Me. I'll be back about an hour.

[H. Foley]

They just hear a loud bang. Two seconds.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was just hot chocolate to us.

[H. Foley]

That's coffee.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not listening. The 90s were a wild time.

[H. Foley]

Those machines are 1996.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm going to work. I'm going to work. A shutdown. Paid time and a half.

[H. Foley]

Did he pay you?

[Kevin Ryan]

He probably gave me like 40 bucks.

[H. Foley]

Why would you. Nothing to do with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

He couldn't leave you?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I think he picked me up at my mom's. I just wanted. I wanted to work. That was cool. What are you talking about?

[H. Foley]

Was it a school night?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't think maybe.

[H. Foley]

Probably. Dragging ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably. It probably was. Maybe I had off or something or I don't know. I got dressed. I remember he picked me up. I remember he picked me up. Was dark and cold as shit.

[H. Foley]

Typical cop. You're moonlighting. Then you're dead ass the next day on your shift.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right.

[H. Foley]

Huh? Doing a little nip. Taking a little nip to keep it going bad. Lieutenant.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember he told us we weren't allowed to have lunch because you're not worth shit when you come back. Yeah. No, I. Yeah. I don't know. I went down. It was me, him and his. And his dude Jerry that worked for him. And we had to take out a huge fuck. It was like a water man. I had to take out a huge 90 or put in a new fucking. A new valve or something. I remember. I remember my boots were too clean or brand new. Timbs. Or something. Brand. They weren't Tim's brand new boots. You know.

[H. Foley]

Oshkosh. I would assume as a 10 year.

[Kevin Ryan]

Old you're probably not wrong. And I was trying to make them dirty just so I fit in with the other. The other construction workers. I was there like scruffing them up with like a file or whatever. You know what I mean? Be like. Yeah, you know. It's just. It's just working at the city hall. They. You know. Work's never done there. I'm down here at the new Comcast building. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I'm actually 26. I've been smoking a long time. How you guys doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I remember just being in the. Being in the basement of this fucking hotel downtown for you know, till 7:00am or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Well, that sounds safe.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's where I learned my work ethic for a child. And I remember they gave either my dad or the guy. Jerry. A parking ticket.

[H. Foley]

Sons of bitches.

[Kevin Ryan]

And that's when I heard that's. That was like guy down here trying to earn a living.

[H. Foley]

Hey, don't gotta tell me, Jerry. You guys know I'm on the job.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like life faith. That's. I think that's when started going south for my. That's. Your life ain't hard enough, they gotta get you a parking ticket down here. Earning an honest living, trying to pay child support, got alimony, have to pay taxes.

[H. Foley]

Try wrangling these animals at the bus stop chair. My supervisor don't get it. You know, I keep telling him, he's threatening to take my badge away.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got my safety.

[H. Foley]

Two weeks, no pay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I just wanted a job. And it really. So being a safety was like. Finally, my dad was proud of me. I started working. Started working it, I guess I was 12. And he would pay me because I was working. I made $5 in tips a night Thursday night. Santo Palato, he break me off like a 10 or a 20 bag. You're working, you're good.

[H. Foley]

I go, this is after you were done being a safety.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is the year after safety. Yeah. Got a taste of the good life.

[H. Foley]

Sure. I mean, retired. Got your gold watch. You got out. Mm. You know the important thing about being a safety? Get home alive every night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

That's all that matters.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was probably prime, Slim, fast and pretzel Kippy too. I was going home. Going on a tear. Denise wasn't home. She's working second or third shift.

[H. Foley]

Put your gun up in the cabinet so the kids don't get it. Sit down, shut up.

[Kevin Ryan]

You screaming at my brother and sister? Must be nice just to go to fucking school. Not have to work. Trying to watch trl, the new Slugga, Cuddy Stark. Watch the new Marshall Mathers fucking video. Oh, golly gee willikers.

[H. Foley]

Okay, kid.

[D]

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[Kevin Ryan]

This one, this is from Rafliota. Is it garbage or rip a heater while you're praying? You are not praying to me. I could be wrong. You ain't going. That's not an Our Father. That's for the love of God, please hope my breath doesn't smell like booze. That's what that is. Yeah, that's for the love of God. I hope my warrants are cleared up or whatever.

[H. Foley]

The two of the two of them go hand in hand. What, you're praying? You're smoking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

You know what I mean? I respect it.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This one's from Kippy's Holy Socks, which I never address publicly on the Patreon. When we were in Austin, apparently I had a hole in my sock and I had my feet up on the coffee table and I got ridiculed.

[H. Foley]

I've never brought this up to you. Yeah, you do have holes in your socks more often than we've talked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hans, he gets the socks, they rolled up. I just pick them up. I don't, I don't look. I throw them out. And then when I'm looking, I don't fucking. I mean, I'm sure, I listen, if I'm putting my socks on and I'm already dressed and I see like a hole in my sock, that's still going on. Especially if I got one on already that's going on. I don't know what to tell you. Is it garbage to move back in with your dad at age 40 when he just remarried his new wife, who is 38, she cannot love that. So you, you got to figure, let's say the dad's 20 years older, so the dad's, you know, give me 65, I'll give you 65, dad.

[H. Foley]

65 broads. 38. Congratulations.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. I would assume maybe that the dad has some money, but then why doesn't the kid hat like, if the dad had money, I'd go, buddy, you're not moving in.

[H. Foley]

Me speaking personally, I'll get you an apartment.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll get, I'll get you on your feet, you know what I mean? Or if there's enough money that there's somebody who's gold digging.38 is not really gold digging though. No, that's like. Hey, I just fucking like.

[H. Foley]

You sure?

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, it's not like she's 21 and he's fucking 65.

[H. Foley]

She's two years. My dad's new wife is two years younger than me and I'm living there. Listen, you know how I feel about that. So family's family. You don't have. You should have any. Listen, me, you, the kid might be jammed up. Just, you know, restarting. You're going to be there forever.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know that though. You don't know that either. Guy's a fuck up. Back at 40.

[H. Foley]

She's mom now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

So.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's. I mean one that's. Yeah. That's garbage. That's a tough look dude. I would.

[H. Foley]

You know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hopefully you got a basement with a second entrance or something.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking getting a little bit of space. I don't know your relationship with your dad. I don't know your relationship with her. But she cannot be thrilled about that.

[H. Foley]

Take the summer, see what happens. That'd be my. Be my thing. Take the summer. Get your feet under you. Save a couple of bucks. Plus find out if she's cool with it. If she is. Ride that out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Yeah. Maybe she's like, I gotta. I gotta homie my age here. This guy's snoozing at 5:30pm eating prunes all day. I gotta. You know.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that might be a bad situation one day.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying anything. I'm just saying that's how your videos start. All right, let's see. This is from Jess B. $10, homie. Is it garbage that I had my pregnancy announcement at Dollar Beer Night? Because my whole family would have. Is already there and it's just easier. Your whole family's getting together for Dollar Beer Night? That's a good family. That's got. That is a knock around good. There's some beefs. Uncle Dan don't like uncle Steve. Steve Jr.

[H. Foley]

They don't talk.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Something they're. You're hanging out Dollar Beer Night. That's a fucking bumpy family. But they fucking. They're thick as thieves. Are in it together. That I respect that.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, we'll fucking put this all aside. I'll go. We're just not hanging out.

[H. Foley]

Why are you assuming there's an argument? What gives her a Dollar Beer night together?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean a family that drinks together does not come out unscathed. Nobody's getting drunk at Dollar Beer. I mean if you're Consistently at Dollar beer night.

[H. Foley]

There's a problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do I gotta spell it out for you?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I guess so.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I drink with everybody in my family a lot.

[H. Foley]

And there's tension.

[Kevin Ryan]

There'S tensions, you know what I mean? Not at all times, but things happen.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I know I might not see at Thanksgiving because you don't talk. So I wanted to tell you here, you know, Teresa's pregnant.

[Kevin Ryan]

Salute.

[H. Foley]

Now you're assuming they're Italian.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, just taking shots now, Uncle Dan. Pick up the tab, huh? I would know. I would assume they're Irish or Polish. The Polish like a cocktail. They do, but. Yeah, that's good. That's all right. I mean, I respect it. I respect the family dynamics. That's all I know. And I appreciate that. I've learned to appreciate it in my elder. In my elder life.

[H. Foley]

Now, where's this dollar beer night shot, man?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing's fucking better than dollar beers. It's like, that's draft, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. Bud Light. I mean, when I was in college, a lot of college bars were doing it. Dollar beers, that's different. Dollar Bud Light bottles.

[H. Foley]

The one place used to do that' bottles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And we'd go up because there'd be like 10 of us, it'd be packed, and we'd be in like a back corner of the table and somebody like, I'm going to get beers. And at this point, you're like, you're doing. You're double. Everybody's just fucking. You got getting fucked up. You got two hours to get these in. You know what I mean? They go back to fucking 450 afterwards.

[H. Foley]

And I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I ain't got it.

[H. Foley]

I told you, I only had a 10 on me. Spent 550 on a chicken parm.

[Kevin Ryan]

So they would give us cases, they'd keep a case for. And they. So you'd go like, hey. And they go, yeah, it's $24. You order 24 beer. Because by the time you take everybody's order, one guy's going up. It's impossible to get to the front because it's packed. You're going, I need 18 beers. Or whatever. So we just get a case. And they would just hand you. You'd walk back through like a hulk, like the. It would still be unopened. Instead of him picking up 20 beers, was it cold? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Instead of him going like, here you go, here you go. Here you opening 20 beers. You go fucking just take it. That's pretty cool. I trust you guys. You're in the back.

[H. Foley]

That's.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was the coolest I've ever felt my life. Shout out to. I think it was called the. Not the Drift. It was the Pub Web it.

[H. Foley]

That's a spot that plays ball.

[Kevin Ryan]

They had just opened and we got. We got. We went in kind of early.

[H. Foley]

Probably closed soon after.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I don't know if they're still. Can you see if they're still open? Pubweb Temple's campus. Probably on Cecil B. Moore.

[H. Foley]

Cecil B. Moore.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cecil B. Moore. That's how they used to say it on the subway.

[Mike Hos]

Two B's.

[Kevin Ryan]

No one be Cecil B. Moore.

[Mike Hos]

You don't know Cecil B. Moore is Pub Web. Two Bs, yeah. Pub Web still banging.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What kind of specials they banging out there? We should go down. Everybody. I probably get a hero's welcome when I come back.

[Mike Hos]

Menu. Highlight their wings. That's the name of the wings.

[Kevin Ryan]

Their wings.

[Mike Hos]

Their wings.

[Kevin Ryan]

Any. They banging any. Any promo. Any beer promo.

[H. Foley]

And who's DJing tonight?

[Kevin Ryan]

They do. They used to do comedy. They started doing comedy there. I heard up there was like an upstairs, but there wasn't one I saw. We went in. It was like their first night open. The guy's like, yeah, we just opened. It was empty. So we got, you know, familiarized with the bartender. I remember playing 711 doubles on the bar. There's like three people in there.

[H. Foley]

That's what you got to do. You gotta get your foot in the door. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

So we can. Hey. Then it got hot. Then they started the dollar beer nights. But I'm fucking. I'm old hat.

[H. Foley]

Goddamn legacy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been here for three days.

[H. Foley]

What do you got, Luke? Anything fun coming up?

[Mike Hos]

It seems like they classed up the joint. I don't know if they're doing dollar beers anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, I get it.

[H. Foley]

They made all that money off of you.

[Mike Hos]

$7 cheesesteaks on Fridays.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's probably pretty good for philly nowadays.

[Mike Hos]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

$7 cheesesteak on Friday. Get you in early. Go in there for the lunch.

[Mike Hos]

Taco Tuesday. $5 taco basket.

[H. Foley]

I like the sound of that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That ain't bad.

[H. Foley]

Love a bar taco.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I love all bar food.

[Mike Hos]

And you get a drink with purchase.

[H. Foley]

Oh, look at that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at that. Four cheesesteaks, four beers. Let's go. Run it back, Daddy.

[H. Foley]

O dollar cheesesteak, mate.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This one's from Kippy. Pulled the goalie. $20 sucker here. Never have one red. Is it garbage if you and your buddy are politely asked not to come back to the Boy Scouts. Because our dads brought a cooler of beer and a TV to watch the World Series on an overnight trip. This is about 1995. Had rabbit ears going in the woods.

[H. Foley]

That's fucked up. I mean, I listen the beers I get.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm fine with all of it. I get why you weren't allowed back. That's not what the Boy Scouts is.

[H. Foley]

I don't. Making the kids responsible for that. The fuck was he supposed to tell his dad not to drink? He's a kid. The dad's not coming back. Sure, I get it. But you're punishing the kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta be honest with you. Dad's drinking in the woods, bringing the TV out. Any guy listens to the show now, they made the right call. I mean, I'm assuming the apple don't fall too far from the tree, you know what I mean? Also, who knows, buddy, you might have dodged a couple of bullets.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, no kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

Might be involved in a clay section lawsuit.

[Mike Hos]

Can't miss the World Series.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, you know, I don't know why, but I feel like this is in Chicago for some reason. Yeah, it's the fucking Cubbies or you.

[H. Foley]

Know something for sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Some die hard legacy team where you're like, it's a bunch of.

[H. Foley]

Bunch of young kids. They probably wanted to watch it, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but they're supposed to be learning how to start a fire and do that shit.

[H. Foley]

Start a fire. Get the hot dogs going. Throw the goddamn game on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm on your fucking side here. Listen, I'm on your side. But they got to do, like the basket. They got to do all kinds. They got to earn their badges. Out. Out there. Ain't not recreational. Learn it. It's educational.

[H. Foley]

Got money on the game.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never got the Boy Scouts, ever. My mom was like, no way. I, like, pitched it at one point, she's like, oh, you get a pocket knife and a whatever, you know.

[H. Foley]

She was like, nah, I didn't get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not for me.

[H. Foley]

I liked all that stuff. I think I used to read Boy's Life or something like that or whatever that magazine was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotti.

[H. Foley]

Whatever that magazine was, or my cousin had it or something like that. He might have been another Play girl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mike Concho, Pull my butt apart.

[H. Foley]

Mustache and a little chest hair.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's just cute. This is from Uncle Soppy. Is it garbage that our seven year old talks? Garbage speak. She always calls her little brother Bonkos or screwballs. Also, ask for a screaming Mimi when she wants a cold Sprite. Listen, you got A good kid on your hands there. That's all I gotta freaking say about that.

[H. Foley]

Screaming Mimi.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's from Cody. $10. Afternoon farmer. I forgot about Afternoon Farmer. I ever made a day out of going to the airport to watch the planes land. Jesus. I get that, though, a little bit.

[H. Foley]

That was a very.

[Kevin Ryan]

As a kid.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. That was a very big thing in like, 80s movies. Go and lay on the hood of the car at the end of the Runway. That would be cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

And no fucking Facebook or nothing.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, you got to fill the time somehow. Make out also, too. I think the access was a lot more unfeathered back then than it is now.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You can't fucking get anywhere near it. Yeah, rightly so. Hey, hey, I don't mind.

[Kevin Ryan]

Forget.

[H. Foley]

I don't hate that. That's just the same as driving around and looking at houses.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was. Sure. I think it was. I think it's arguably cooler. Especially, like, if you got a kid, you know, say you got a. Like, you like trains or whatever. So you got a kid who likes planes. What?

[H. Foley]

I do like trains.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said. I said you like too. I didn't even include the present tense.

[H. Foley]

I do like trains.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know it'd be weird if you just, like, went to the fucking subway and just started staring.

[H. Foley]

I don't like subway. I like real trains.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go tell. Go tell subway conductor today in a real fucking train.

[H. Foley]

Union Pacific, Canadian Pacific, the Santa Fe. I like those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. All right. I'm sorry, guys.

[H. Foley]

Cargo haulers, coal trucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

That's what we used to have. Canadian Pacific was great. That's a nice passenger set lying out either way.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, you're talking toys. What if a kid likes playing? But also, if you go to a small airport, watch the Cessna's all day long. That's probably pretty cool.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get a little more. There was one by my dad's. There was an airport by my house my dad rented when they first got divorced. That was like next to the road. I mean, it was like. It was like a landing.

[H. Foley]

Little crop duster.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they had the. They had the telephone poles with the. Remember the balls on them? Like the big red ball, the big yellow ball? It looked like a beach ball on the telephone pole because that was like. They'd come in fucking. That let them know that there was wires there.

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I really would see plans land and take off from, like, what? See, I mean, me to Luke. No fucking fence, no nothing.

[H. Foley]

Pretty sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I was. It was sick as shit. Every time we drove by, I was like. Had my fucking head out the window.

[H. Foley]

Look, I'm all about it. I used to drive by the Philadelphia Naval Yard. Look at all the ships. I still love that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Just sitting there. Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was the Arm. I mean, we. There was the Armory on.

[H. Foley]

I mean, we just talked about. Yeah, that was the best.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Armory on the boulevard.

[H. Foley]

The fucking tank.

[Kevin Ryan]

Some fucking big Humvees. Those big, like, water. Just everything shit you saw in Desert Storm, just, like, all along the side.

[H. Foley]

Intrepid's nice. In New York, you come to the city, go check out the Intrepid. It's pretty sweet.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember we went to go to a boxing match one time at the Armory. What? Mad Young. There was like, an amateur boxing match.

[H. Foley]

You and Jerry, you guys became fast friends.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it was me, my dad. It was like, you know, it was like a boxing match. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What is.

[Kevin Ryan]

He fucking dug the head.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy. From snatch? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is he? Gary the Nose, dude. And boxing, That's a great pull.

[H. Foley]

Your dad's taking you to an unlicensed boxing match.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I don't think it was. I think it was sanctioned. I don't think Dana White was there. Nothing but. Yeah, it was like an amateur box. See, if they had, you know, like an amateur boxing match.

[Mike Hos]

Roy Jones Jr. Fought there in 2013.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, there you go.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

But we couldn't get in. The tickets were bunkers. We had big tickets. He couldn't get it. And it was pouring rain.

[H. Foley]

Private night tonight, chaps.

[Kevin Ryan]

Come on. I got my kid here. Just let us the fuck it. But it was like. It was my dad, me, my brother, another guy, My brother, like my brother, you know what I mean? It was like a group of kids and dads and kids.

[H. Foley]

I realized as a divorced kid, you. You spent a lot of time with your dad and one of his boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but they weren't my dad's boys. They were my brother's friends. Dads.

[H. Foley]

But you did spend a lot of time with people like Jerry, with the boys? Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, yeah, we would sit at the office and drink beers before everybody left. It's great.

[H. Foley]

Jerry's picking you up from school.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was Sam, Greg.

[H. Foley]

They're all at your games, watching you, guy. Kevin. Little fat ass out there in the head with a soccer ball.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was Sam Gray. I mean, there was. It was all just dudes. Jerry, Jimmy and Jerry. They were connected at the hip. Surprise, Jerry. Surprised. Jimmy wasn't on the job with us. Jerry and Jimmy were at the hip And I would love to say all their last names because they're all just such Philly dirt bag names. But I don't. You know, I haven't talked to these guys in 30 years.

[H. Foley]

I feel like there's a Casalowski in there somewhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a lot of that kind of, you know, it's a lot of the names.

[H. Foley]

You would go, Jimmy McDonough, Jerry Casalowski. Jimmy and Jerry. Uh huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah, they were inseparable. Jimmy and Jerry.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

But. Yeah, all right. But we didn't get in. So then we forgot. We didn't get into the. We didn't get into the fights. So we went to. Not Georgine's. Georgine's is where the comedy works. Is Giro's down there? It's closed now. I've mentioned gyros before. It was like an independent Fridays all friggin right. That's where my dad. Never mind. This is a Dan Senior. The Heavy Dan Senior episode.

[H. Foley]

A family show.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This one's from Ethan. Never have one read. Is it garbage? If I owed the tollway $2,500 plus.

[H. Foley]

Shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

I switch vehicles pretty often, so they haven't been able to deny my registration yet at the tax office. That's fucking crazy.

[H. Foley]

Holy fuck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that's the.

[H. Foley]

He means going through tolls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he's right. A lot of times it's the penalties and interest to get you on that 2500. I vote more. I vote that Jesus show was happening. Yeah. When this show was happening. I vote that because during COVID they waived it. And I didn't have easy pass.

[H. Foley]

They waived it as a wave.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tolls.

[H. Foley]

They did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Because not everything was easy pass. And then not. I would have to pay cash because I didn't have easy pass waves. So you weren't allowed to.

[H. Foley]

Right, right. Wait, waived it meaning at a later date or just.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, just no toll.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I kind of.

[H. Foley]

How did you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I kind of let that roll for a year and a half or whatever, you know. Then they started. They started sending in registration suspension notices and I started crying. I cried like a baby back.

[H. Foley]

I need my car.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, well, that was when you were. You'd get like a fucking registration cancellation. Looking down, staring down the barrel, like a $2,200 charge. And I was making, I don't know, 1200 bucks a month. Had to cover rent. I think my wife made that one. You're a good girl. Getting her pregnant's the least I can do.

[H. Foley]

Don't worry I'll knock you up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Real class act you are. All right, this one's from Mallory. Ten Dollar Investor. Never have one read. Is it classy or trashy? After you were born, your grandmother rented the town prom limo to bring you, your and your parents home from the hospital. That's a good time. I don't think you can put a car seat in a limo, can you?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I guess.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the back.

[H. Foley]

All the way in the front? No, in the back. Yeah. Yeah, I guess that makes sense.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seat belts in the front.

[H. Foley]

Listen, it's trash. All right, stop. They weren't using fucking seatbelts. And they probably weren't using a goddamn car seat. The mom was holding that kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like breastfeeding.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which were you, breastfed or bottle fed?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. I'd have to ask Patty.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what I was either. What were they? I don't know what they were doing in the 70s and 80s.

[H. Foley]

I want to say probably breastfed. I'm gonna find out.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'll call her later. Yeah, I was just curious.

[H. Foley]

I would say breastfed.

[Mike Hos]

Yeah, I think I was a combo. You could because you can do both.

[H. Foley]

No, you can't.

[Mike Hos]

Yeah, you can.

[H. Foley]

I don't think so.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know why you're looking at me.

[H. Foley]

I thought you can't do both because then the kid don't want one or the other. That's what I thought I heard.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know nothing about. I'm sure you can. I might not be advised at all times, but I'm sure you could do it.

[Mike Hos]

Yes, it's possible and often recommended to combine both.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, why are we taking our lactation methods? Advice from Henry Foley. Oh, you can't do that. In a movie One time.

[H. Foley]

Throwing it out there. Maybe that's why you're well balanced, because you got both. I probably only got. I was thinking about where my, like, my deep seated, instinctual love of milk comes from. Like, when I drink milk, I have a reaction that it's the grossest thing I've ever seen.

[Kevin Ryan]

It gets in your beard.

[H. Foley]

I have. I have a chemical reaction in my brain that I don't get with any other beverage.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get that with Curd Light.

[H. Foley]

So maybe that's it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Could be, you know. I don't know. God damn it. All right, this one's from Brie, Nutter Butter and Jelly. This is. This. Listen, I've seen a lot of dirt bag moves. I try to help out my friends when I can. Letters of recommendation. I'll flub a W2 or whatever to get someone in a park.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or whatever. Of course, that's how I operate.

[H. Foley]

I've been a reference on many, many, many a job application.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I listen, I think if you're a dirtbag and you have dirtbag friends, you need to fucking unite and help each other when you can to fight against the man.

[H. Foley]

Yo, by the way, just so you know, I put your name down as a reference if anybody calls. You manage a restaurant called Skippy's. And I worked there between here and there. And I was a good employee. No problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's gotta be. I didn't. I haven't done a job reference in quite a long time. But that's gotta be hard to do now. Now everything's just Google. You can't be like, I. You can't make up a place. And also the number, they could just call the number. They can, hey, I worked at fucking Garbanzos on Second Street. And if that is, if that doesn't exist, they can find that out immediately. If it does exist, they can just Google it and have the real number to Garbanzo's.

[H. Foley]

Not a 3, 1, 2 number, something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

1, 800, 1, 800, I'm lying to you.

[H. Foley]

That sucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. But here it is. Write this down. This is great corporate life. Hack to help your homies.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been pretty successful in my career, so for my old team members, people who used to work with or his boys or anybody, you know, hourly people, whatever.

[H. Foley]

Gotcha.

[Kevin Ryan]

His extended crew, once a year or so, I use my position to write them offer letters with promises of more money. They take that to their current boss, different companies, whatever, and ask. Hold on. They take that to their current boss and ask if their company can match the offer. Should the company not be able to match my homies, Just tell them after a few days I decided to stay with you out of loyalty, which usually results in some sort of pay increase. Mind fucking blown, first of all.

[H. Foley]

Solid. Fucking, dude. Dude, that's solid.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're dirtbag of the year. That is fucking amazing talk. Getting. Letting the boys wet their beaks. And it don't cost him nothing.

[H. Foley]

Fucking unbelievable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, listen, I'm making $50,000 a year. I just got an offer for 60. I love you. I want. I love working here. I love the cult, love the whatever. Just want to give you guys the option to match it. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but I just want to let you know this is that.

[H. Foley]

That might be the most bulletproof dirtbag move I've ever heard in my life. Okay, listen, that made me so happy. Dude, that is the sickest move, like you said. Hey, I. Listen, it may be a good opportunity. I love what I do here. I'm gonna stay. I appreciate you considering it. I'm gonna. I'm gonna go back to the office.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll be back at the desk.

[H. Foley]

Or they bang out. Boom. Here you go. 60. You know what?

[Kevin Ryan]

We can't get to 60. We can do 57. 5.

[H. Foley]

Perfect.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what? I do.

[H. Foley]

That's so sick. Here's the other side of it. You're talking about being able to check it. Let's say they call. Yeah, this is so.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's on fucking. That's on Garbazo's. Garbanzo's letterhead. It's his name. It's. It's technically a real offer. Yeah, it's not like they're just making that up.

[H. Foley]

Fuck, that's awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

So good, dude. I mean, like proper.

[H. Foley]

Who is this guy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh, this is. I think it's a woman. I mean, Brie. Brie Nutter Butter and Jelly is the.

[H. Foley]

Name, but I have to get Brie in here. That's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's.

[H. Foley]

I mean, that's genius level.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody should. If you could do that, if you own a garage, if you can do it at any. I. What is.

[H. Foley]

That's a pain?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, because you gotta. You kind of go in with your tail between your legs a little. Not to between, but like. Hey, listen, I don't. I'm not. This isn't. I'm not demanding this. I'm just saying. Hey, I have an offer letter. I was out golfing with so and so. He liked me. I got this offer.

[H. Foley]

Were you looking for another job? You're not happy here?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, not at all. I was. I was. I remember that golf tournament I went to with the O'Brien's from you know, and Jerry and Jimmy.

[H. Foley]

Somehow that led to, you know. Do you know this guy? Yeah. Well, you would. You have to tell him. You work together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you know, Also, yeah, you can say my old boss.

[H. Foley]

Just random. Oh, bingo. You don't need a backstory. Yeah, my old boss, random guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

As you know, I used to work there. I used to work at Garbanzos. They're trying to poach me back. I just giving you the heads up. I love it here, you know, I'd like to give you the offer to match it or get close because I love what I do. I'm not sure what I'm doing, but, like, I just want to. You know. Unless you suck at your job and they go, get the. Out of here. You know, I. That's.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty goddamn good, man. It's very rare that this brain's working overtime.

[Mike Hos]

I just got approached.

[Kevin Ryan]

Andrew Schultz just hit me up.

[Mike Hos]

Expect. Expect my.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would love to see you try.

[Mike Hos]

Mr. Ryan D Enterprises.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to Brie.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's amazing. What a way. We gotta wrap it up. What a way to end it. Take that and rip off corporate America if you can.

[H. Foley]

That's a goddamn home run, gang. We love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.