Cristina Mariani!

Summary

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Are You Garbage? – Cristina Mariani!

Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan  
Guest: Cristina Mariani
Date: February 5, 2026

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Episode Overview

This episode of Are You Garbage? features stand-up comic Cristina Mariani, known for her work in the Austin comedy scene. H. Foley and Kevin Ryan put her through their signature gauntlet of questions to determine whether she is “classy” or, as they put it, “garbage.” The conversation is delightfully chaotic, with Cristina’s deadpan and sometimes evasive responses prompting plenty of banter, friendly roasting, and occasional confusion.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Cristina’s Background & Upbringing

• Born in Lodi, California, Raised in Tuscany and Stockton:

  • Cristina clarifies early on that, while born in Lodi, CA, she moved as a baby to Tuscany, Italy, before moving back to Stockton, CA at age eleven. (02:22)
  • “I was born in Lodi, California...then moved to Corfino, Italy, then moved back to Stockton, California.” – Cristina [02:18]
  • Her Italian-American family has deep roots: her father was born in the US to Italian parents, her mother in Italy.

• Family & Community:

  • Oldest of four siblings; speaks Italian better than siblings.
  • Dad ran his own auto body shop in California and a cafe-bar in Italy; mom was a stay-at-home parent.
  • Italian heritage was prominent: “That's pretty Italian to just have an accordion lying around.” – Cristina [10:50]

• Early Life and Schooling:

  • Attended private Catholic school in California after returning from Italy. Family was fairly religious, going to church on Sundays. (09:23)
  • No interest or involvement in sports; instead, played piano and accordion (“I was nerdy. I wasn't athletic.” – Cristina [10:30])

Family Life & Traditions

• Vacations & Home Life:

  • Not many vacations during childhood, as her father was busy renovating their Stockton house for years (11:50, 12:25).
  • The family did eventually start going to Hawaii. Preferred island: Kauai. (“That’s the one Jurassic Park was filmed.” – Cristina [11:54])
  • Lived in a sizable house with a pool; everyone had their own room. (“More than one and less than five [bedrooms].” [12:42])

• Family Food Habits:

  • Classic Italian-American experiences: homemade spaghetti sauce, cured meats, sneaking salami to her room as a snack. [24:55]

Her Path to Comedy

• Education and Career:

  • Attended UC Davis; majored in English, minored in Political Science (parents wanted her to be a lawyer; she thought it sounded boring) [15:59]
  • Worked as an insurance underwriter after graduation.
  • Started stand-up after moving to Austin during the pandemic, when her job became remote. “I just got bored and landed in Austin” – Cristina [16:46]

• First Car & Resourcefulness:

  • First car was a silver 2006 Prius her dad fixed up and gave to her at 18. Later bought a 2008 Prius from her dad, which she drove to Austin and still owns. [18:19-27:08]
  • “He kind of fixed it up, and then I—yeah.” – Cristina [18:44]

Cristina’s Quirks and Habits

• Living Situations:

  • Lives in a studio in Austin and spends much time on the road or in LA. Apartment described as messy: “It looks like a beaver lives there.” – Cristina [50:19]
  • Five plates in her kitchen, mismatched silverware, uses a Brita filter with an overdue cartridge. [50:31, 51:02]

• Travel and Flight Etiquette:

  • Gets to the airport just in time (“I time it, like, as it's boarding, I'm there”). Not TSA PreCheck, but uses Clear. [29:01]
  • Never steals from the airport, but admits to taking pens from work. [29:44]
  • Puts her seat back on planes; doesn’t remove her shoes in coach. [30:54]
  • No strong superstitions, but does flip pennies on the ground to “make them lucky for someone else.” [32:29]

• Eating & Food Preferences:

  • Eats in her room and car frequently. [28:26, 28:31]
  • Loves salami and cured meats: “Salami isn’t a sandwich meat. It’s a standalone meat to me.” – Cristina [36:17]
  • Favorite foods: sushi (even from buffets), prosciutto, and kinder chocolate bars. [41:52, 70:15]
  • Enjoys all fast food, especially In-N-Out, Carl’s Jr., Taco Bell, Popeye's, and Chick Fil A. “Taco Bell is always good, but you never crave it for some reason. But then every time I have it, I’m like, ‘This is awesome.’” – Cristina [46:38]
  • Can cook, but only really makes salads: “I take the lettuce apart and I just like, here you go.” [48:39]
  • Will sneak food into movies—even once snuck in a whole pizza with a friend. [49:15]

Lifestyle & Oddities

• Personal Organization & Hygiene:

  • Dislikes getting her nails done beyond polish, picks at them when nervous. [34:20+]
  • Three towels in rotation at home, uses each for up to a week. [67:17]
  • Doesn’t regularly see the dentist or doctor, but loves milk with dinner, even now. [66:22, 66:35]

• Money & Possessions:

  • Not big on luxury: uses a cheap rolling bag from overseas and usually just brings a backpack on the road. [54:42]
  • Not careful with things: leaves her car unlocked to avoid window break-ins, found her car cleaned out after a break-in (“Now I don’t have to clean it.” – Cristina [64:51])
  • No brand name luggage, uses hand-me-downs and resourceful solutions.
  • Loses her gift cards, doesn’t bother changing Brita filters, avoids complicated life admin.

• Collector/Childhood Quirks:

  • Collected pencil-top erasers and beer bottle caps as a child. [52:03]
  • Awards/trophies from childhood piano competitions are still at the (empty) family home in Italy. [71:20+]

Comedy & Social Life

• Social Habits:

  • Grew up introverted, with a small or non-existent friend group. [23:28]
  • Went to prom with a friend, group limo. [23:53]

• Family’s Relationship to Her Comedy:

  • Parents were lukewarm or unsupportive about her comedy career until recently; she attributes her sense of humor to her dad. [55:57, 56:15]
  • Parents have never seen her perform stand-up—sometimes didn’t even tell relatives what she did. [57:16]

Trashy or Classy?

True to the podcast's premise, Cristina demonstrates plenty of garbage-y markers (messy apartment, eating in her room, mismatched silverware, snacking on whole salamis, bringing pizza into movie theaters), but it all comes across with endearing, irreverent self-effacement. The hosts especially needle her about her elusive answers and perpetual nonchalance.

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• On why she didn't know the local grocery store as a kid:

  • “I couldn't read.” – Cristina (14:38)

• On sneaking pizza into the movies:

  • “You just take it apart and put it in aluminum foil...No one knows. And then you just have pizza in the movie.” – Cristina [49:25]

• On flipping unlucky pennies:

  • “I flip them over and make them lucky for someone.” – Cristina [32:29]

• On her favorite karaoke song:

  • “Yeah, it’s Molly Cyrus by Stitches.” – Cristina [59:16]
  • (Hosts’ incredulous response: “This seems a little aggressive.” – Kevin [60:02])

• On missing fast food and buffets:

  • “Growing up in Stockton, sushi buffets, everything feels fancy to me.” – Cristina [42:32]

• On the possibility of being mean:

  • “Sorry if I was too mean.” – Cristina
  • “No, no. We're joking around.” – Foley [74:19]

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Episode Timeline (important segments)

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|---------------------------------------------------------| | 00:50 | Introduction of Cristina Mariani | | 02:22 | Childhood: Italy/California move | | 04:27 | Family & parents’ careers | | 09:23 | Schooling: Private Catholic, religious family | | 10:23 | No sports, musical childhood (accordion, piano) | | 11:50 | Family vacations (mostly none except Hawaii later) | | 15:59 | College & career aspirations (English/Poli Sci/lawyers) | | 16:27 | How she came to Austin and started comedy | | 18:19 | First car: resourceful Prius hand-me-down | | 24:55 | Eating habits: salami in her room | | 28:26 | Eats in the car, in her room as an adult | | 32:29 | Penny flipping superstition | | 42:01 | Sushi buffets and what feels ‘fancy’ to her | | 46:15+ | Favorite fast food (“Taco Bell is always good…”) | | 48:39 | Cooking skills? “Salad. Just, you know, lettuce.” | | 49:15 | Pizza in the movie theater anecdote | | 55:57 | Parents’ tepid support for comedy | | 59:16 | Karaoke pick: “Molly Cyrus by Stitches” | | 67:17 | Towel & shower routine at home | | 70:15 | Favorite candy: Kinder | | 71:20 | Childhood trophies still in the empty house in Italy |

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Tone & Takeaways

The episode is full of playful ribbing and mismatched energy: Cristina is consistently both evasive and stoically funny, leaving the hosts off-balance and self-questioning. At heart, she’s a likable bundle of quirks: resourceful, unbothered, with footloose eating and living habits, a touch of European flair, and a talent for keeping the hosts on their toes.

Final Judgment:
“She’s trash and I’m gay.” – Kevin [73:30]
The hosts officially pronounce Cristina “garbage”—but in the most entertaining, deeply human sense the show celebrates.

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Connect with Cristina

• On Tour: Dates and info at christinamariani.com
• Instagram: @criimarii
• Upcoming: Performing at The Comedy Store (main room) on February 18th

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Transcript

[A]

Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Oh yeah, it's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the Europe to be classy or they're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host stage. Holy. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's having a little bowl of Cocoa Pebbles. Okay, light morning. All right, Mike Host is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Ru Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world. And regardless of him not laughing, I still love him. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

[B]

Hey, what's up, gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. The boys are climbing the frigging charts. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. you go over there, you join over to 15,000 members on Patreon Gang.

[A]

Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. She's one of the big stars down there in Austin, Texas. Very funny, very successful stand up comedian. She's on tour now. Give it up for the one, the only Christina Mariani, everybody.

[C]

Thanks.

[A]

Cool as a cucumber, this one.

[B]

You were about to clap for yourself.

[C]

Yeah, no, I was like, oh my God. So many compliments. Thank you.

[B]

Thanks for coming in. We appreciate it.

[A]

Here's the crazy thing. I know this little bit. I know you were born in Italy.

[C]

No, I wasn't born in Italy, actually, I was born here, then moved to Italy right after it.

[A]

She's lying. No, no, no, wait, say that again.

[C]

You were so. I, I was born here, but then we moved to Italy. So yeah, my parents, they got the American citizenship. My mom, she was born in Italy. You know, my dad was in America and so I know how hard it is to the whole becoming a citizen thing.

[A]

Here's my point.

[B]

I also love how you, you've never opened with such a strong guess of a fact on somebody. Hey, you were born in Italy. No, I wasn't. Okay, thanks. Wild, wild swing.

[A]

Christina's a certain way. But if you would have been raised in Italy, you would have been a completely different person.

[C]

I was raised in Italy.

[B]

Okay, that's right too.

[A]

So tell us the whole Story. Where you from?

[B]

Okay, so where you were born? Here.

[C]

Want to try to guess?

[B]

No. You were born in Cleveland.

[A]

I thought I had that right. Go ahead.

[C]

I was born in Lodi, California. Stockton is where.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. And then moved to Corfino, Italy, then moved back to Stockton, California.

[B]

Where is Corfino, Italy?

[C]

It's in Tuscany.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Very nice.

[B]

That's all we know. Ah, Tuscana. Yeah. I told you I knew two idiots.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How long were you over there?

[C]

Five, six years.

[A]

All right, so you didn't grow up in Italy.

[C]

Well, I still was there till I was 11.

[A]

I'm talking. If you. If you went over there, you're wrong.

[B]

You're going to yell at her and tell her where. Where she was.

[C]

Hey, maybe if you asked me these questions, we could have been on the same page.

[B]

I know what. Stop guessing.

[A]

My point. If you were Italian, if you stayed there and. And. And grew up there and were an Italian person, you would be so completely different than. Than who you are now.

[B]

How do you know I don't know.

[C]

Who you been talking to?

[A]

Because Italian ladies are. Are that. They're a certain way.

[B]

They're like that spend a lot of time with Italians.

[A]

They smoke cigarettes. They yell at you. They yell at Tortoise and stuff like that.

[C]

Are you trying to. Are you trying to say I wouldn't be awkward if I was?

[A]

That's exactly what I'm trying to say.

[C]

Okay, you.

[A]

What? You ever seen Italian? Italian lady? That's like that.

[C]

I think if you grew up in Italy, you'd be exactly the same.

[B]

Loud, obnoxious. A lot of meat would probably be less meatballs for some reason. Okay, all right, let's. I mean, that's a first. I don't know if we've ever had anybody. America, Europe, back to America.

[A]

So what was the reasoning behind that?

[C]

I don't know. It was my dad. I mean, I was a baby, as you can imagine.

[A]

Is your dad Italian as well?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Like, Italian Italian born in Italy?

[C]

No, he was born in America. He was born in Stockton.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. And my mom in Italy and then. But same hometown, kind of. So he would go visit, and that's where he met my mom.

[A]

Wait, really? Whoa. That's like the Godfather. And he brought her back.

[C]

That's his favorite movie, too. Yeah. And then he brought her back.

[A]

It's so hot in here, by the way.

[C]

Yeah, it's really hot. But I'm also anxious. That's. That makes it worse.

[B]

Turn that fan on. Okay. What did your father do for a living growing up?

[C]

Auto body. Like, he had his own auto body business and then now he teaches at a community college.

[B]

Teaches, like auto body work.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah, that's very, like sitcom. That's very good.

[C]

Pretty Italian.

[B]

That's very true.

[A]

Do you have brothers and sisters?

[C]

Yes, I have a sister and two brothers.

[A]

Oh, that's nice, Luke. Thank you.

[B]

Are they older or younger? Where do you.

[C]

Younger.

[B]

They're all younger.

[C]

Yeah, I'm the oldest. I know they say usually the stand up comedians are the youngest kid.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[C]

Nope.

[B]

Take that, people out there.

[A]

Yeah, that's true with both of us.

[B]

Yeah, we're the young. We're the youngest, as far as I know.

[C]

Well, did you guys get beat?

[A]

What?

[B]

Well, we are in it.

[A]

We get hit.

[C]

I mean, like, did your older siblings get hit?

[B]

Like they did.

[C]

Okay. You got hit.

[A]

Yeah, I got. I got hit by everybody. Yeah, I still hit on my brother.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I got hit by my brother. I got hit by my parents. Aunts and uncles smacked me around a little bit.

[C]

That looks cool.

[B]

Yeah, you sound like a real cool guy there.

[A]

I had a pretty big mouth when I was a kid, and I was a bigger kid, so they're like. They think they can. They can take it, but emotionally, it still hurts.

[B]

Christina.

[C]

Yeah, no, I bet.

[A]

By the way, Christina not spelled with an H. Yeah. Trashy.

[C]

I mean, it's. It. That seems racist. Or Mexicans, too. They spell it the same way.

[B]

Mexicans do it that way.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

No, they don't. They got an H in there.

[C]

No, they don't.

[B]

Hey, why just. What are you doing, man?

[C]

He. You know a lot. You know, he knows so many things.

[A]

I'm tanking.

[B]

Well, dude, stop trying to guess.

[A]

If the whole.

[B]

You're not a facts guy. You've never been.

[A]

It's the. With her in Italy would have been. Right. We would be on a whole different plane right now.

[B]

I'm about to put you on a plane somewhere else. Okay. All right, you get back. All right, so you know. All right, you get back to Stockton. Lodi.

[C]

Stockton. No, no, no, no. They're two different places.

[B]

Okay, so you're.

[C]

I should have just said Stockton.

[B]

That's okay.

[C]

Because literally I just was born in the hospital in Lodi and then went back to Stockton right after.

[B]

What's nicer, Stockton or Lodi?

[C]

Lodi is way nicer.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Or Tus or Tuscany. That's a hard one.

[A]

Tuscany was five to. Five to ten. That's. That's when you were there.

[C]

Or eleven.

[A]

Yeah, eleven. Then you Moved back. And you were raised out there in California.

[B]

Were you ingratiated in the community? Do you have, like, Italian friends and stuff? And do you speak Italian?

[C]

I speak Italian, yes. I had Italian friends, yes.

[A]

Is there an Italian community?

[B]

She's responding like she was. Or in Congress.

[C]

Yes, there's an Italian community. Yep. Because that's what happens when there's people.

[B]

I wasn't coming after me. What the.

[C]

I was. I'm not. No, no. We're all. We're fine. Everything's fine.

[A]

I knew this was the way it was gonna go.

[B]

Start smacking Luke around. Okay.

[A]

Do your. Do your younger siblings speak Italian as well?

[C]

Yeah, but not as well as I speak Italian, because I did. They were. No, they were. They were shunned from the community.

[A]

So your dad had the auto body shot.

[C]

What?

[B]

Was.

[C]

Hands were tied.

[A]

Your dad had the auto body shop. What was he doing when he was in Tuscany? Was he doing the same thing?

[C]

No, he. He had his own. He had a bar.

[B]

A bar?

[C]

Yeah. Like. But. But a bar, like in Italy, you know? So it was like a cafe and then. Yeah.

[B]

Apparel spritzes.

[A]

And they drink their espresso standing up at the bar.

[C]

Yeah, they do. Yeah.

[B]

All right, now we're all on the same page.

[A]

There we go.

[C]

He's right.

[A]

So he comes back here. Your dad opens up an auto body shop. What does your mom do?

[C]

She's a mom.

[A]

She's a mom at home. All right. Does he work primarily on Italian cars?

[C]

I think he didn't discriminate. He's not racist like you.

[A]

Was it a lot of European cars?

[C]

Yeah, I think. I don't know. I didn't. I see. I didn't ask these questions.

[A]

That's how they get you.

[C]

But I feel like they were.

[B]

It probably just. It was probably just a normal.

[C]

I think it was just any car that came in, you know, Hondas, Toyota. Can you imagine? He's like, we don't serve your kind here. Toyotas.

[B]

There's not that many Italian cars.

[A]

Yeah, there are. You got Fiat, you got Maserati. No, you know what I'm talking about. The foreign auto body shots.

[B]

I got you.

[A]

We've talked about them before.

[B]

Now we're turning against each other. This girl comes in, there's the whole place on its head.

[C]

No, you guys should keep fighting.

[B]

I'm okay. She gets up.

[A]

Please.

[B]

Yeah, just me and you. And I got you in a headlock. All right. Hey, she's. Hey, listen, we gotta unite here, all right?

[A]

Let's go.

[B]

No more. Let's Get a game plan here. All right, let's start. Let's start in America, once you've returned 10, 11 years old, however, back from the old country, you go to public. You really wanted to squeeze old country in there. I'm sorry. That was on me. I attacked you. Did you. Did you go to public or private school?

[C]

Private school.

[B]

Very nice.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Private Catholic school or private. Private school?

[C]

No, private Catholic school.

[A]

Okay, so you went to Catholic school?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Were you a very religious family, or did you do it because the schools were a little bit better.

[C]

Really? Religious family and also probably that I'm not.

[B]

Yeah, the schools, but mostly religious.

[A]

You guys go to church every Sunday. Go to.

[C]

Yeah, I think.

[B]

Was that.

[A]

What the Was that?

[C]

I think someone fell.

[A]

That was like thunder. That was real crazy. I was right when we were talking about church, too.

[B]

Oh, God.

[C]

Wait, you mean you don't know what happened?

[A]

I see what you're putting down there.

[C]

Italians.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You guys went to church every Sunday?

[C]

Yep.

[A]

We're talking Catholic, right?

[B]

God, disgrace, descrat. Did you play any sports growing up? Nothing.

[C]

No, no sports.

[B]

What did you do? What you. So you went to school, you came home and then just.

[C]

No, I played the accordion. I played piano. I know.

[B]

Yeah, I played the accordion.

[A]

Yeah, I had that on here.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. No, Accordion, piano, reading. I was nerdy. I wasn't athletic.

[B]

Okay. When. How did you get the accordion? Was there one laying around the house? Did you see people?

[C]

Actually, there was just one laying around the house, and I played piano first, and then I picked it up, and then I started, you know, dabbling, and then.

[A]

Whose accordion was it?

[C]

I don't know. Just.

[A]

That's very Italian.

[C]

Yeah, that is pretty Italian to just have an accordion.

[B]

You're the real thing. You're the real deal.

[A]

Did you have a little monkey in the house, too?

[C]

It was me. A little monkey with the accordion.

[A]

A little monkey with the accordion. That's how they make the money.

[C]

I thought they had the.

[B]

The clackers.

[C]

The clackers.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Symbols.

[A]

That thing always scared me. That little stuffed animal that went like that. I a. With that thing.

[C]

They have a scary movie.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Huh. Okay. What did a. Aside from going back to Italy, what did a family vacation look like for you guys? Did you do any weekend?

[A]

Sounds like your dad was doing pretty well.

[C]

I don't. I don't know. He's. I don't know.

[B]

All the rich kids. All the rich kids play accordion around the house.

[C]

I. Where did we go on vacation?

[B]

That was the question well, when we.

[C]

Were in Italy or in America. Actually, we didn't really go on vacation when we were in America. Just recently we been going to Hawaii during the summer.

[B]

Very nice.

[A]

Yeah, very nice. Yeah, but which island do you go to?

[C]

Kauai.

[A]

Okay. Very nice.

[C]

That's a good one. That's the one. Jurassic park was filmed.

[A]

That's true. It's very true.

[C]

Just knew that.

[A]

You're telling me you've never been to Hawaii?

[B]

She read that in the fucking Inflate magazine.

[A]

I don't think she's Italian.

[B]

She's Swedish or something. I don't know what's going on. I don't fucking believe a world where she says though. I know that much.

[A]

Okay, you're telling me you guys didn't go on vacation the whole time you were growing up from 11 years old, Reno, Tavisu.

[C]

No. I'm sure we went on like little trips, but I don't really.

[B]

Don't really recall.

[C]

I don't really like recall because we. My dad was renovating our house for a while. We got a house in Stockton that needed to be completely redone. So we spent like all. He did all the work and everything.

[B]

It took like 20 years.

[C]

It took a. It took a while. Yeah, for sure.

[A]

How many bedrooms is the house?

[C]

I don't. Just a few, you know, More. More than one and less than five.

[A]

Did everybody have own room?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Four bedroom house.

[C]

So wait, at least five.

[B]

Five bedroom. Okay.

[A]

All right. Five bedroom house. Need a little work. Do you guys have a pool?

[C]

Yes. Pool.

[A]

In ground or above ground?

[C]

It was in the ground.

[A]

Okay. Can't get a read on her.

[B]

Never heard anybody answer that question that way. What was in the ground?

[C]

It was. Yeah, it was dug up.

[B]

Dug up.

[A]

What was the family car?

[C]

Honda Pilot.

[B]

Respectable car.

[A]

Respectable. Was there only one or did your mom have a car too?

[C]

No, just one.

[A]

Just one. How would your dad get to work every day?

[C]

He would drive it and then your.

[B]

Mom'S just at the house, no car.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No, really?

[A]

So she would be in the house all day? What if she had to go to the grocery store or something?

[C]

I don't know. I should call her. I was a little kid. I didn't ask these questions. I don't know. I'm sweating.

[B]

I. Stop freaking out. Everybody relax.

[C]

What's your mom like? What does she do?

[A]

This is the show.

[C]

Fuck.

[B]

How Is this the most high pressure thing you've ever. Or do you react this way to a lot of.

[C]

No. What are you talking about?

[B]

Okay, I apologize.

[A]

It's him, isn't it?

[C]

I don't think it's me. I don't think I'm the weird one this time.

[B]

Yeah, no, totally not.

[C]

Not this time.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

What was the name of the grocery store that you went to growing up? How do you not know that? Christina?

[C]

Smart. I think as smart. I'm pretty oblivious. My parents say that I'm always in my own little world growing up. Yeah. So I'm just like very.

[A]

To not know what grocery store you went to.

[C]

I couldn't read.

[A]

Is that true?

[C]

Are you saying when I was like 12, 13.

[A]

Let's start here. Name a grocery store, it was s Smart.

[C]

Fine. It was s smart. Yeah.

[A]

S Smart.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know that.

[C]

Stockton. So it was essay smart. You guys don't know about Stockton? Lots of gangs.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, wait.

[A]

You grew up in a predominantly gang area. You did.

[C]

Well, Stockton, it's all like.

[A]

It's Stockton, California. Were you in a gang?

[C]

Huh? Yep.

[A]

You were?

[C]

Yeah, we were called Gangly. Silly.

[A]

Silly.

[B]

She played the accordion. She was in a fucking gang.

[A]

She hit her Uzi.

[C]

Whatever.

[B]

Huh.

[A]

All right. Your mom did the cooking?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Did you guys do the Seven Fishes on Christmas?

[C]

The Seven Fishes?

[A]

Yeah. Do you not know what that is?

[C]

No.

[A]

What?

[B]

I don't. That's Italian. Italians don't do the seven fishes. Very American. Italian.

[A]

Is that true?

[B]

Very true.

[A]

She is an Italian American.

[B]

For the guy who knows everything.

[A]

I didn't say I knew everything.

[B]

And nothing at the same time. Quite the paradox. Did you take the SATs?

[C]

Yes.

[B]

Do you remember what you got?

[C]

No. I think it was probably a little above average. Okay.

[B]

Not showing off. Were you a good student? A's or B's? A's. Like, where were they?

[C]

A and B's.

[B]

A and B's.

[A]

A's and B's.

[B]

Did you. Did you attempt to go to college? Did you go to college?

[C]

Yeah, I went to UC Davis.

[B]

UC Davis. Very nice. What'd you major in?

[C]

English and minored in Poli Sci. My parents wanted me to be a lawyer.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And that wasn't on the table for you?

[C]

No, I thought it was boring.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Did you start taking pre law classes?

[C]

No, I just started studying for the lsat. Then I started working at an insurance company.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then I did that until I started. And then I was doing comedy in that at the same time.

[A]

Out there. Gotcha.

[C]

No, in Austin.

[B]

In Austin?

[A]

In Austin.

[B]

How'd you get to Austin?

[C]

I drove from California.

[B]

I meant what idiot.

[A]

How do you think she got there?

[B]

I got on an airplane, Bozo.

[C]

What?

[B]

Life choices.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shifts in your life led you to Austin.

[C]

I just. I got bored because.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I just got bored.

[B]

You were like a. Just new, fresh start in Austin.

[C]

Yeah, it was, you know, Covid. And so. Okay. Opened up, and then my work became remote. And then I was like, maybe I'll just travel and do remote work. And then I landed in Austin.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And you were already. You had already started doing comedy at the time.

[C]

No, I hadn't started doing comedy yet.

[A]

Okay, so you started down there.

[C]

I started down there.

[A]

Gotcha. Okay.

[B]

What was your first. Your first job? That was.

[C]

Well, actually, no. I had a little jobs, like, you know, I host. Like, being a hostess or as a kid at a restaurant.

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

Yeah. Like in college, I did that, and I was a babysitter all through high school. Okay. So stuff like that. But my real. First real job was insurance.

[B]

Insurance sales.

[C]

Yeah. Not that being a hostess isn't a real job, but like, my after, when.

[B]

I'm an adult professional.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. And was the insurance company's job sales? Was it a sales job?

[C]

It was an insurance underwriter.

[A]

So that is. So you would write people's policies.

[C]

Yeah. Just like, price and just kind of figure out how much to price. Yeah.

[A]

You would crunch the numbers to figure out the price?

[C]

Yeah. The risk. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, do you smoke, you drive, whatever. Yeah. You fall into all these boxes. If it's five boxes, it's this much more. Whatever.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You would be pretty expensive.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I know. Now, that is.

[B]

What was. What was your first car?

[C]

My first car was a Prius. No. Yeah, this little silver 2006 Prius.

[A]

How old are you when he got that?

[C]

18.

[A]

Not bad. Did you have to pay for it? Did your dad give it to you?

[C]

My dad gave it to me.

[A]

Very nice. Was it a car from his shop?

[C]

Yeah, it was that he fixed up.

[B]

Somebody probably come pick it up.

[C]

I think it was, like, one that was just, like, kind of abandoned, like in a.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

And then he kind of fixed it up, and then I. Yeah.

[B]

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[A]

That sounds like a resourceful guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do they still live in the house that you grew up in?

[C]

Well, yes, they do.

[A]

So it's all fixed up now. Got it all nice now.

[B]

It's.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Does that hot. Does the pool in the back have a hot tub?

[C]

No.

[B]

Dad's got to step it up. What was your first concert you went to?

[C]

I think it was Frankie Valli and the Four Seasons.

[B]

No.

[A]

Here we go. Why?

[C]

Because it's my dad's favorite.

[B]

Talk about it's like going to see the Pope for these guineas.

[A]

What year would that have been?

[C]

I don't know. I was little, but my. I don't. I think it. Obviously they're old and they weren't all there, but few were missing. Yeah. There is only. It was like la, the Seasons and.

[B]

The last remaining season. Yeah. Okay. Wow. That's pretty. That's a good. That's a really good answer.

[A]

What was the first concert that you went to by yourself, like you and your friends?

[C]

Yeah, man. It was like a festival. It was outside lands in San Francisco.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. You know. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. Yeah. So it was just.

[B]

Is that like EDM or is that some.

[C]

Some of it was edm. Yeah. And. But not all of it. It's a music festival, so there's a bunch of different genres and. Yeah, I went to see Childish Gambino and Flume and.

[B]

Very nice.

[C]

There's a few other. What was the ones I remember because I was on Mali, so those hit a little bit harder than the other.

[A]

What was the friend situation growing up?

[C]

What was the friend situation?

[A]

Big group, Tight group.

[C]

No, I was always like, kind of a loner.

[A]

Gotcha.

[C]

Kind of just kept to myself and introverted? No, you can't tell.

[A]

Get the vibe. Feel you.

[C]

Big personality.

[B]

I walk in and win a room.

[C]

It's so big. It was enough. Just me.

[A]

Would have grown up in Italy. You'd have been a whole different person. Okay.

[B]

Did you go to prom?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

As a group or with the date?

[C]

It was a date, but it was like friends. Yeah, it was. Yeah.

[A]

Everybody Was going as friends?

[C]

No, he was my friend. I went with him as friends. We were friends. Oh, yeah. No, I didn't really date till college.

[A]

Did he intend for that to be friends or was he.

[C]

I think so. I think, yeah.

[A]

It was he like, hey, would you want to go to prom with me? And you were like, hey, I'll go with you as friends.

[C]

No, I was excited that I got asked.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

That's very sweet. Did you guys. How did you get the prom. Did he drive his parents car? His car. Did you guys get a group limo? What'd you do?

[C]

It was a group limo kind of thing. Yeah.

[B]

Very nice.

[A]

Effective.

[B]

Very, very trashy thing. That's the only time limos are used. No one's ever. It's only kids going to prom.

[A]

Will you allow to eat in your room growing up?

[C]

No, I don't think so, but. Did I. I did.

[A]

What? What would you have up there eating.

[B]

In the room and doing Molly? This girl's nuts.

[C]

I love eating in my room. Yeah.

[A]

Snacks.

[C]

Salami. Like whole salamis from Costco. I. Yeah, my. My mom would, like, buy, like, these salamis that were all peppered and I would sneak one. They're little. They're not like a huge. It was like a reasonable, like, amount of salam. A personal size salam.

[A]

Wait, really? You're eating salami up in your room?

[C]

Yeah, I was just eating, like, salami. Just, like, gnawing on salami. That was. It was really good. And I. I wish I didn't say that. I feel weird now.

[B]

What?

[C]

You've never eaten a salami? You're lying.

[A]

I have, of course.

[C]

Got it.

[B]

You got.

[A]

I just thought it's an odd choice for you.

[B]

Yes. Italians, they keep a lot of cured meats around the house.

[C]

It's probably a lot of cured.

[B]

They are hanging from the ceiling.

[C]

Yeah, they make their own cured meats, too.

[A]

Would your mom make her own spaghetti sauce?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You guys would do that once a year?

[C]

No, she would do it often.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

The fucking swimming pool. It's a lot of sauce to make once a year.

[A]

That's what you do. You make it once a year and you jar it. She's not Italian. I don't even think she's from Earth. I don't know what the hell's going on.

[B]

She definitely didn't go to prom. No, I could say, see that kid? We're going with just his friends. Okay. Got a big stick of salami in your hand. We're only friends, Christina. I don't want you getting any ideas? Okay.

[A]

All right.

[B]

What was the restaurant you were a hostess at? Ah, very good.

[C]

Oh, it was called Bistro.

[B]

Yeah, that was pretty good.

[A]

Do you have a car now?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

What are you driving around town in?

[C]

Prius? It's not the same one.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's a different one. I.

[A]

Is it the second one?

[C]

This one? Yeah. You bought the second one? Yeah, from my dad.

[B]

You bought it from your dad?

[C]

Yeah, he got it from. He knows a guy.

[B]

Hey, does your dad sold you a Prius?

[A]

What happened to the first Prius?

[C]

It just, you know, just crashed out.

[B]

Yeah, 2006. 20 years old.

[C]

Yeah. It was already kind of shitty, so it didn't last too long. And then I got this red Prius 2008 instead of 2006.

[B]

So it only went up two years.

[C]

Yeah, but that was all.

[B]

You're doing pretty well.

[C]

That's all I needed.

[A]

Is this the. Is this the Prius that you drove to Austin in?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, so you bought it from your dad before you went down there?

[C]

Yeah, and I still have it. It's still the Prius I drive now.

[A]

You get it washed, you keep. You keep it pretty clean?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Not really. I mean, I'm not really in Austin too often anymore, so.

[A]

Right.

[C]

I kind of. It just sits there and then it dies. Because Priuses are sensitive. You need to, like, drive them or else they kind of shut down the batteries.

[A]

Huh.

[C]

Yeah. So then every time I go, I need to find someone to jump start the car.

[A]

Is a. Is a Prius, all electric bag?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I didn't know that.

[C]

No, no, it's hybrid.

[B]

Hybrid.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

So every time you want to drive, you have to call. Who do you call to come over and jump your car?

[C]

I have a. I have a friend in my apartment complex and he always is around, so when. When I need to jump start my car, so. That's lucky.

[A]

Do you own jumper cables?

[B]

Sounds oddly creepy.

[C]

No.

[B]

Christina, I'm here if he's got you. I'm here if you need me.

[C]

No, no, no.

[A]

Do you own jumper cables?

[C]

No, I don't.

[B]

You gotta borrow his.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, he has jumper cables. I feel like that guys know they have all the.

[A]

I don't have.

[B]

Not ours, but. Yeah. Yeah, real men do. Real men who live in Texas have jumpers.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I would blow up. Know which ones to go with? The red or the. The red or the black. That blow the car up.

[B]

The other side's on your nipples. That's not going to work. All right, easy does it.

[A]

Do you Eat in the car?

[C]

Yeah, I eat in my room. You don't think I eat in the car?

[A]

Do you eat in your room now?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's the living situation now?

[C]

I have a studio. Yeah. A studio apartment in Austin.

[B]

Well, there's no other. You. If it's a studio apartment, you have to eat in your room. It's only one, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's eating either there or the bathroom.

[A]

You're flying around the country a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. Talk about some flying etiquette.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Number one. Been a big thing on the podcast. Do you ever get to the airport early and have breakfast before you get on your flight?

[C]

No, no, not really. I'm. Usually I time it, like, as it's boarding, I'm there.

[A]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. I don't like to wait.

[B]

TSA PreCheck.

[C]

No, I just got clear.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Do you steal from the airport?

[C]

Do I steal, like, from, like. No.

[A]

Okay, good.

[C]

No, I would feel too guilty.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Well, I thought about it, though. I have. I walk by, I'm like, these are. They're on for nobody's.

[B]

No one's.

[C]

Do you guys do that? Can you.

[B]

I'm very.

[A]

A lot of comics do it.

[B]

I don't want to get caught stealing. Yeah, that's like the embarrassment. Just overpaying for the bag of fucking Skittles. I'd rather just pay for this fat guy stealing snacks.

[C]

That's. Yeah.

[A]

Bad look.

[C]

Oh, good.

[B]

What was the last thing you stole or the last thing you remember ever.

[C]

Steal or pens from work?

[A]

The insured, man.

[B]

You're a real renegade. The way she said that was like. I'm sorry. Progressive.

[C]

No, I know because I. They have my favorite pens. When I was kind of.

[B]

Pen. Is that.

[C]

It's a. I am.

[A]

Your favorite pen.

[C]

It's a. It's a Sharpie one. The one that they glides really nice. It's like a felt pen type of.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Pen. And they have it at a mothership like that where I worked last.

[A]

Are they the ones that have the white tip that looks like a little star?

[C]

No, the tip is black.

[A]

No, no. I'm sorry. The cap. It has a cap. It's not a pen like this.

[C]

No, no, it has a cap. Yeah. It's gray.

[A]

It's gray.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Would you steal one at a time? Would you steal a box?

[C]

No, no, no. One at a time. Okay. I'm not a gluttonous. I'm not a gluttony button for just.

[B]

I forgot I had this pen.

[A]

Back to the flight. You take your Shoes off on a plane.

[C]

Usually. No, because I don't. It's too tight to.

[B]

You know, I'm pretty sure sitting in coach.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You put your seat back.

[C]

Yep. I mean, isn't that what. What it's there for?

[B]

It's. It's a. It's a very debatable. Debatable. Oh, some people pro. Some people are against.

[C]

Really? Why? Why would you not.

[B]

I don't like doing it.

[C]

Why?

[B]

Because I don't like when people do it to me. If someone does it to me and the person behind me is also leaned back, I'll go back, but, man, I.

[C]

Didn'T know that this was a. I thought.

[B]

It's a hot button. Ish.

[C]

Really? Like tipping or not.

[B]

Oh, you got a tip. You're not tipping. I don't think that's a hot. Tipping is not.

[A]

You're not tipping.

[C]

I made a joke. Joke sometimes.

[B]

My apology.

[C]

No, no, it's okay. Do you say, it won't happen again? Don't worry.

[B]

I apologize for making a joke on your comedy, but I can't get a fucking read on you.

[C]

Okay, good, good.

[A]

Do you have any superstitions?

[C]

Oh, yeah, I'm really superstitious.

[A]

Can you tell us one of them?

[C]

I don't know. I feel.

[B]

How's that?

[C]

No, there's so many of them that I. And I. And I don't know what you mean by superstitious. I feel like I have, like. Yeah, I'm Italian. Of course I'm superstitious.

[A]

Is it something you do when the flight's about to take off to make sure that you get there safe?

[C]

No.

[A]

You don't say a prayer, knock on your head or anything like that?

[C]

Oh, no. I guess more superstitious.

[B]

Stuck in, knock on your head. Like you say a prayer. You fucking do this a bunch of times. Like I do.

[C]

You mean, like, do I have ocd? Feels like I might have ocd. Maybe that's what superstition is, ocd.

[A]

Give us one of your superstitions.

[C]

I put on the spot. I don't know, I feel like, okay, this isn't really a superstition, but I do this thing when I see pennies on the ground that are unlucky where I flip them over and make them lucky for someone.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Just to make it lucky. But that's not a superstition, so I don't know.

[B]

It's not a superstition. That's like you're doing it for someone.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then. And then I pick up the ones that are Lucky. And I'm like, I was lucky. Yeah.

[A]

I can't walk by it, but the fact that you would touch one that's on tails is insane.

[C]

That's how much I want people to have good luck.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

You know, you get that juju on you. You can't touch a penny on it. On tails.

[B]

That's not what she's doing. That's such a positive thing for the universe. First of all, it's all fake. I just.

[C]

I'm living in.

[B]

Living in your wacko world for a minute.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's not. I have to pick the penny up on heads. I have to look at the date and put it in a pocket separate from my other change.

[C]

You have to do that too?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Wow, look at us. We're good.

[A]

But I would never. I would. I would never.

[B]

You're not even Italian.

[A]

I would never touch a penny tails on the sidewalk. Oh, you gotta stop doing that. Fuck everybody else.

[C]

I'm making it lucky. It's.

[A]

Now you're getting that on you that's building up.

[C]

No, I just refuse to believe that. And now it's gonna be in my head because you said it. And I'm gonna be like, a little. But I'm not. I'm not gonna change.

[B]

No, you're. Do keep doing what you're doing. That is the positive. That's. That's amazing.

[A]

And also, too. That's not real luck. You're. You're. You're. You're twisting fate there.

[C]

Oh, my God. No, I think. I think it is even more real luck because someone went out of their way to touch a gross penny on the ground for them to be lucky. That's really lucky for them.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No, it's supposed to be. It's a twist of fate that the penny landed on that way it can't be purposely put on it.

[B]

But it's a twist of faith that she walked by.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

She so happened to walk by.

[A]

Well, the Prius wasn't working. How was she gonna get there?

[B]

I need my goddamn jumper cable.

[A]

Do you bite your nails or clip your nails?

[C]

I pick at them, actually. They're really bad right now. They're like. I've just. I had nails and then I just, like, pop them off. I still have one. I have one hanging on, but, like, I. Just.

[B]

One big brown nail.

[C]

Yeah. So usually when I go on stage, I'd get really nervous, and then I just like. And then I destroy my nails.

[A]

And so you go and get them done. You get nails put on Sometimes.

[C]

And then I usually don't like it because it. I don't like the feeling of getting my nails done, but I like how they look. So every once in a while when.

[A]

You say you don't like the feeling of getting your nails done, what do you mean you don't like sitting there?

[C]

No, I. That's fine. It's just the grinding down part of the nail kind of. And like they, like, clean it. And then I'm just like, oh, what if they go. What if they go too much? And then it goes. It breaks the nail and it goes to the skin and I get all these. And then I get grossed out. I gross myself out at the nail salon. It's not worth it.

[B]

I need. I need a full count of how many fake nails you have on your ten fingers. It's really bad. It's not great.

[C]

It's not.

[B]

It's no fingers. Now I got.

[C]

I'm hiding.

[B]

Two thumbs, a pointer, a ring finger, and a half a pinky.

[A]

Why would. Why wouldn't you just take them all off?

[C]

Because it's hard to take them off. They're glued on. How do you think?

[B]

I don't know how they come off the other finger?

[C]

Well, because I got nervous enough to pop them off.

[A]

Is that a satisfying thing, to pick at them and get them off?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that's pretty good.

[B]

You're fucking screwballs.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. Going back at, you know, before you started doing comedy, ideally as a kid, but you might not have the answer. Who's the most famous person you met growing up? It could have been like a local dj, a football player, somebody in passing, something at a meet and greet.

[C]

John from John's Deli in Stockton.

[B]

That's a great answer. That's like, honestly what I always look for.

[A]

Quick, get eyes on John's Deli.

[B]

Because they were like the small town, so. Yeah, that was an important guy.

[C]

Yeah, that was to. Yeah, no, that's the best sandwiches in town.

[A]

What do you like on a sandwich?

[B]

Oh, salami.

[C]

Yeah, obviously. No, actually, you know, salami isn't a sandwich meat. It's a standalone meat to me, I feel.

[A]

Well, let's discuss that. Are we talking about, like old school hard Italian salami or are we talking about the salami you can get at the grocery store? Because the salami and cheese sandwich thin is not bad.

[C]

Yeah, I agree with the cracker. I like the little bites with the salami and the cheese and then. Yeah, those are good.

[A]

Very nice.

[B]

Hillshire Farms is a nice pre. Package of that. When you're on the road at a gas station, so.

[C]

But most of the time, salami by itself, it's better than if you add all the stuff, you know, it's like, I don't. Ready?

[B]

Yeah, it's good.

[C]

It's already hot without makeup. You know, that's what it feels like.

[A]

It's already hot without. That's all right. All right. Anything on John's?

[B]

Is it spelled G I, A N? Yeah, yeah. G I A. Gian's. I mean, that's okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

4.7 stars.

[B]

Looks all right. Let's see a menu. What would you get there?

[C]

The sandwiches, the deli sandwiches are really.

[B]

You're saying sandwich with a G. I know, I know. Which is fine.

[C]

I thought of this before.

[B]

No, I'm not making fun of you.

[A]

Christina, give us something specific other than salmon.

[C]

I like, I like prosciutto. I like copa. Like copa? Yeah. That was one of my favorites in prosciutto. And I, I. All the, all the toppings, all, all the makeup.

[A]

So it would be an Italian. Yeah, Italian hero.

[B]

Mortadella, copa, salami, Proudo.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All of provolone, oil, vinegar, roasted bread, bell pepper, all of that.

[C]

So good.

[B]

That's a customer fave.

[A]

But what about, like turkey and cheese? Are you a turkey person?

[C]

Sometimes when I want to be healthy, I'll get like a turkey and cheese foot long from Subway.

[A]

Now you're speaking my language. Finally, one of them foot long cookies, huh?

[C]

Just to be healthy. And I'd get the wheat bread too, so I feel good about myself. I'm like, oh, it's healthy.

[A]

Kevin's talking about the chime card, baby.

[B]

Baby, I'm chiming all over the place.

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[D]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

You have to place a bet.

[B]

I got my own stuff. I got my own little system. I got how I like to play. I got. You know what's fun for me? I do a lot of first who's going to get who's score first score anytime, touchdown. First touchdown. That's listening. This stuff, the odds are good. You predict who's going to get it and it keeps you in. Listen, my birds are out.

[A]

Them doing all that stuff makes it fun.

[B]

It makes it fun. It makes it enjoyable. Yeah, someone gnawing your fucking ear off about the commercial. Shut up about the commercials. Pass the buffalo chicken.

[A]

I mean Doritos.

[B]

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[A]

Other than that, check out DraftKings. What else do you eat? What's your favorite food?

[C]

I. I think sushi is my favorite.

[A]

Okay. All right. Have you. Have you. Now that you're doing well, pouring all over, have you had some good sushi?

[C]

Yeah, I feel. But you know what? I have a really low bar for sushi because growing up when we did go out to eat, my family, we would go to a sushi buffet, but it was like a really shitty sushi buffet.

[B]

No kidding.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And sushi buffets as a kid.

[C]

Yeah. And so I grew up just excited to go to sushi buffets because I thought that was the only rest, you.

[B]

Know, that's the only place.

[C]

You have.

[B]

Such a sometimes one track mind when you're on a thing. You're like, well, this is. This is it.

[C]

Yeah, I know. I'm like, oh, this is awesome though. I love buffets. And sushi buffets are good. I think now as an adult, you know, growing up in Stockton, sushi buffets, everything feels fancy to me.

[B]

You know, what is a fancy thing you'll do now? Will you go out to like a nice restaurant?

[C]

I'll go to like a sushi restaurant. Whoa.

[A]

And sit at the. Sit at the bar.

[C]

Bar. Yeah, I've done that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

At the bar.

[A]

Do you drink?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's your go to cocktail beverage of choice?

[C]

It depends. So espresso martinis when I'm at night and then in the morning because of the espresso martinis. Bloody Marys. Love a good Bloody Mary with all the food in there. Hopefully they have salamis. That'd be great.

[B]

I mean, you're screwballs and I like It.

[A]

Will you drink on the plane?

[C]

Actually, I don't on planes. I feel like planes are where I detox.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Well, yeah.

[A]

Drink at the airport.

[C]

Usually not, but sometimes I'll have a drink at the airport.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

If I have a really long layover, I'll have a Bloody Mary. Airport. Bloody Marys are the best. Bloody Marys.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Let's say. So you're here this weekend. What does minus. You know, you're say you're on the road. What are you doing during the day? Are you active? Do you get out and go do stuff? Are you just like. I'm hanging at the hotel all day.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Until the show.

[C]

I came here.

[B]

Aside from this.

[C]

I know. Just. I'm kidding around. I feel like you guys have been taking me seriously this whole podcast because you're like, what? This woman makes jokes actually, like, what's going on? I think you guys are.

[B]

I don't think you're wrong. We are clearly. No, I'm not trying to disprove that in any. Any form.

[A]

We never said we weren't.

[C]

Well, it really depends. Sometimes I'll wake up earlier and then I'll try to walk around. I like walking around cities to explore them if I'm somewhere new. And other times I go to bed really late, and then I won't wake up until like, two hours before the show.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah. That rarely happens because I don't sleep most of the time. I have a hard time sleeping. I don't know.

[B]

You're doing nice hotels. You're doing wherever the club put.

[C]

Do you have, like, wherever the club puts me?

[B]

Yeah. Well, you do a hotel breakfast.

[C]

Yeah. I actually get excited because I'm like, I'm getting my money's worth even though it's not my.

[B]

You know, they're paying for it.

[C]

Yeah. And, like, I gotta get it. And I usually don't even eat breakfast, but if it's there, I'll. I'll do it.

[B]

What are you doing? You doing a toast bagel? You making a waffle? You're doing the eggs?

[C]

Yeah, I'm doing all of that. I like. Yeah.

[A]

Will you do the powdered eggs?

[C]

Powdered?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, the eggs that are at, like, a hotel buffet are not real eggs.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Like a Hampton Inns. Those are powder.

[C]

They have a. Even the. The scrambled eggs are powdered.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

The only one that would be powdered.

[C]

Yeah, I like them. I. With that.

[A]

Wait, did you think the regular eggs would be powdered, like the solid egg?

[C]

Yeah. No, no. I mean, I didn't know that there were powdered eggs. Like, I didn't know that they made eggs into a powder.

[B]

Imagine, like an egg buffet, kind of. That's the level of. The level of eggs they are compared to the sushi.

[A]

Have you had a waffle in the last 365 days?

[C]

Yeah, I had one at a. At a buffet. At a breakfast, actually. At the. At a hotel.

[B]

She loves a buffet.

[C]

I love a buffet.

[A]

Did you make it yourself?

[C]

No, no, not the waffle. I. Did you hear what I just said? I had it at a buffet at a hotel.

[A]

The buffets have waffles that you make.

[C]

No, they had me go in the back and make it on my. No, I know what you mean. No, it was already made that you can't. You didn't make it yourself. It was a fancy buffet at a fancy.

[A]

Do you do any fast food?

[C]

Do I do fast food? Yeah, I do all the fast food.

[A]

What do you like?

[C]

In and out? I. I had Carl's Jr recently. Interesting thought that. I never liked Carl's Jr and I liked it a little bit more this last time. Wendy's is pretty good.

[A]

Okay, I'm listening.

[C]

Taco Bell is always good, but you never crave it for some reason.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

But then every time I have it, I'm like, this is awesome.

[B]

Wow. Very well put. I feel.

[C]

Right. I don't know. And then sometimes Jackie in the box, or did you guys call it Jack in the Crack? That's what they call it.

[A]

We didn't have it out here, but I've had it in Hawaii a bunch.

[C]

Sometimes they have tacos. They're awesome. They're good.

[A]

They're so good.

[C]

Popeyes, the chicken thing is super good. The $5 box.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah. I think Popeyes chicken is the best one.

[B]

Probably okay.

[C]

Maybe Chick fil A too, though. I like Chick Fil A.

[B]

Great. Are you doing any cooking at the house?

[C]

No. Yeah.

[A]

When you're home. What is the schedule when you're home?

[B]

Like, how.

[A]

How. How long are you home for?

[B]

Got to get the cars dark.

[A]

Like, during the week?

[C]

Yeah, kind of during the week. I've been spending time in LA for the last four months. I've been kind of in la, and then I go to Austin. And most of the time I'm on the road. Like, just weekends. And then.

[A]

Yeah, when you're in la, you're staying?

[C]

It just depends. I kind of just go wherever. I'm, like, feeling like, oh, maybe I want to do spots at the store during the week today. Or maybe I want to go to Mothership and it just depends on how I'm feeling after the weekend.

[A]

Moving with the breeze.

[C]

I still haven't gotten my flight back, actually.

[B]

From here?

[C]

Yeah, from here. So I'm not sure where.

[B]

Maybe you're hanging out in New York.

[C]

Yeah, maybe I'll go to stay in New York. I don't know.

[B]

Hey there, bozos and homies. The Back on the Block tour marches on. Get your tickets now for Austin, Texas. Tampa, Florida. We got Chicago, Illinois. We got Bloomington, Indiana, Nashville, Los Angeles for the Netflix is a joke festival. Get them Tickies. Pittsburgh, Cleveland and Denver. All tickets on sale. Are you garbage.com? me and the big man do stand up, then we close out playing ayg with the crowd. You've seen the clips, you love them. We'll see you there. Back to. What are you cooking? Anything at the house? Can you cook?

[C]

Yeah, I can cook, but.

[B]

No, it's like a riddle. I can cook, but I Can you cook? If we were coming over and you're like, I'm gonna make you. What are you. What's your best crack at a dish?

[C]

Salad.

[A]

What kind of salad?

[C]

Just, you know, lettuce.

[B]

The one that comes in the bag.

[C]

I take the lettuce apart and I just like, here you go. Do you eat salad?

[A]

I've seen it done.

[C]

You know what it is? It's like a salami, but green and wrapped.

[A]

The stuff that comes on top of a hamburger, right? I usually take that off. I don't like it. I like a salad. I had an arugula salad yesterday.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Yes. Top of a meatloaf.

[C]

Healthy.

[B]

Do you sneak snacks into a movie theater or did you as a child?

[C]

I snuck a whole pizza in a movie theater.

[B]

You're like an alien.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

She really like. How do you. First of all, you can't sneak a whole piece of food.

[C]

Yes, you can. Yes, you can.

[B]

It's gotta be an inside job.

[C]

Yeah, you could totally sneak a whole pizza. You just take it apart and you put it in aluminum foil. Then you put it on your body and then you just put. No one knows. And then you just have pizza in the movie.

[B]

Are you doing that by yourself or with multiple pigs?

[C]

I did it with my best friend. We. We shared a whole pizza. We got high and we shared a pizza and we went to the movies together and it was really fun. Checks. No one pats you down at the movie theater.

[B]

They're looking for any customer they can get at this point.

[A]

You smoke a lot of doobie. You smoke weed.

[C]

I smoke weed. I don't do it super often. Okay. But it. Yeah, I like. I like it. It calms me down.

[A]

Okay, back to the apartment. So you're in and out all the time. If we came over right when we saw the apartment, would it be like, oh, somebody lives here, or somebody's in and out of this place? Like, does it look like somebody lives there?

[B]

Whoever lives here? Like salami?

[C]

It. It looks like, like. Yeah, it looks like a. Yeah, it looks like a beaver lives there.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

It's all messy and just everything's on top of each other.

[A]

Does all your silverware match?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

They have a dishwasher.

[C]

Yes. Not by choice. It was there.

[A]

How many plates would you say you have at the apartment?

[C]

Like five.

[A]

Five plates?

[C]

I think so. Not a lot of plates.

[B]

That's an odd number of plates. So they don't really.

[C]

Literally. Yeah.

[B]

So you've either stolen or lost a few plates.

[C]

It's an odd number.

[A]

I'm sure this is gonna backfire on me, but if we came over to the house and we asked for a glass of water, what would we be getting? Would we getting a bottle? Would we be getting a Brita? Would it be getting water from the tap? What would you be giving us?

[C]

Do you know what water tastes like?

[B]

I like this bottle.

[A]

Probably want a milkshake, huh, fatty?

[C]

I just give you Sprite. You'd be like, this is water because you're some Mountain Dew.

[A]

What's his diet? Spit it out. I get what you're putting down.

[C]

No, I have a Brita. I do, but it. The filter needs changing and I have it, see. So I feel like I'm not gonna put the extra steps for a product. I'll get a product and then I'll be like, well, I'm with you on it. I hope that lasts.

[B]

Yeah, sure. That's everybody with a Brita filter. Yeah, you're not alone that. That's 99.

[C]

If anything, I'll just buy another Brita because I don't want to. I don't know how to change it either.

[B]

I've never watch a YouTube video.

[C]

The whole process.

[B]

Do you have any half used gift cards?

[C]

Yeah, and I probably lost them.

[B]

Yeah. Where to? Anywhere specific, probably like Starbucks or something.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Any Coles cash?

[C]

No.

[B]

Growing up or at any point in your life, was it. Were you guys ever into as seen on TV products?

[C]

Might have done it once or twice.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you collect anything as a kid? Beanie Babies or anything like that?

[C]

I like the gum, the notes. Sorry. I went into Italian for a second. The erasers at the top of pencils, you know, the little erasers.

[A]

Of course I knew.

[C]

Yeah. And they're all different characters and colors and they're different shapes. And I had a big jar, and every time I got another one, I would just put it in the jar.

[A]

I'll give you that.

[B]

All right.

[C]

So beer bottle caps. Weird, huh? Yeah, I liked. I picked them up from the ground whenever I saw beer bottle cap. And I just thought it was cool. I don't know. I was six, though.

[B]

That's starting early.

[A]

Sure.

[C]

Yeah. I was like, something about this.

[A]

All right, well, your cartoons. Growing. Growing up.

[C]

I like Powerpuff Girls. That was my favorite.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Classic.

[A]

Were you a SpongeBob fan?

[C]

Oh, my God. I love SpongeBob. But I got into that when I was a teenager.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Late for spongebob.

[A]

Are you a Disney person?

[C]

Yeah, I like Disney.

[A]

Have you been to Disney World?

[C]

No, not in Disneyland. Not.

[A]

You've been to the one in California? Okay. Did you go there with your family on a vacation?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Also, I went as answer to the earlier.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, there you go.

[B]

Yeah, I got it.

[C]

Yeah, we did go to Disneyland, But I didn't count it as a vacation for me, though, because I played the accordion, you know, and my dad was like, oh, we're gonna go to Disneyland. But Christina has to do that. Has to practice the accordion three days every day for the rest of the summer to go to Disneyland for, like, two days. And then my siblings were like, come on, Christina. And I was like, I guess.

[B]

And then work release program.

[C]

But good, good work ethic instilled really good work ethic in me.

[A]

Your dad really wanted you to be an accordion player.

[C]

I think it was more about the discipline.

[A]

Like, okay, we can go to Disney World, but Christina has to practice accordion.

[C]

Three hours a day every day for summer. And he meant it. It was not an empty threat. And he.

[A]

Did you do that three hours a day in the summer?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[C]

I didn't have friends, though.

[A]

Real.

[B]

Real chicken or the egg, though. You could have had some friends if it wasn't maybe. You know what I mean?

[A]

Where would you practice? In your room?

[C]

Yeah, in the room in the living room.

[A]

Would he come down and then, like, check on you? Like, hey, don't.

[B]

Pretty good. If I was one of your siblings, I'd kill myself listening to three hours of accordion.

[C]

And I played it in the car on the way to Disneyland.

[B]

Gotta get those hours now. Are you playing, like, traditional? I don't even Know what the traditional accordion music are you doing? Like, are you playing? You're learning the hits.

[C]

Oh, the hits.

[B]

Like pop. Are you playing like, you know, 1950s hits? Okay.

[C]

Yeah, like Frankie Valli, you know?

[A]

You're playing Frankie Valli on the accordion.

[C]

I'm Frank drank Sinatra.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, no, I got really good.

[B]

I mean, your dad is Italian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh. Do you have name brand luggage now?

[C]

No, I got a 20 in. I got it overseas at a really cheap spot. Yeah, spot. Just because I needed one. Because I. I travel really light. Usually I only have like a backpack.

[B]

And I was like, oh, maybe you're not even.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[C]

Yeah, I backpack.

[A]

Like when you're going out to tour.

[C]

Well, it's only a weekend. Like, how many clothes do you need?

[B]

I don't know. Our T shirts are a little bigger than yours. Huh.

[C]

But anyway, I got a rolly bag and I like that a lot more.

[A]

Okay. Overseas. What are you talking about?

[B]

Oh, Afghanistan.

[A]

Who says overseas like that?

[B]

That's people who served, you know. I don't like talking about when I was overseas.

[A]

When I was in country.

[C]

No, I don't know, I mean, probably last time I was in Italy or something, like just. Yeah.

[A]

Do you guys go to Italy regularly? See your family?

[C]

No, I've only been a couple times since we moved back to the U.S.

[B]

Does your mom go frequently or.

[C]

No, we went two years ago, three years.

[A]

To see family.

[C]

To see family. Yeah. And I think my parents might have gone again last year, but I'm on. I was on tour, so I didn't go.

[A]

Okay. Have your parents seen you do stand up? Never.

[C]

No, they didn't even like that I was doing stand up until this year.

[A]

Are they aware of your success now?

[C]

They seem cool about it. Like, my dad will be like, oh, one of my co workers pulled up one of your videos. Like, have you seen this girl? She's really funny. And he's like, have I seen her? It's my dog.

[B]

I told her everything she knows about the accordion.

[A]

Sold her two Priuses.

[C]

I actually feel like my dad is my dad's sense of humor and just all of that is the reason that I gotcha. You know, got the sense of humor that I have.

[B]

So are they planning on coming out to a show at any time? Like, what's. Is it a you thing or a them thing?

[C]

I think a little bit of both maybe. And mostly me probably. Now I. I don't really want.

[B]

Do you perform around, like, obviously la.

[A]

How far away? Stockton from la?

[C]

Yeah, like seven hours oh, Jesus. Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Come down, catch a man.

[C]

Just a quick seven.

[A]

Wait, are they. Are they north of LA or south of LA?

[C]

North.

[A]

North.

[B]

LA's in the south.

[A]

Is it? Huh?

[C]

Stockton, Mexico.

[B]

Stockton's like up by. It's up or like San Francisco?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's like two hours from San Francisco.

[A]

Near Oakland.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, have you been to San Francisco or Lodi, I hear? Nicer part.

[A]

I have.

[B]

Dude, will you play around there? And they still don't come?

[C]

Yeah, no, I like.

[B]

You'll go to Cobbs or whatever.

[C]

I've played 20 minutes from my house and they didn't come. But this one, I was. It's when they were. It was when they weren't really happy about me doing stand up. Like I said, they wanted me to be a lawyer, you know. So then over it. Yeah, yeah, no, now they. They were just worried about me. They were like, what is she doing? They wouldn't even tell my relatives what I would do. They're like, oh, we don't know what Christina does. She kind of does her own thing. But then some old school.

[A]

Old school Italian shit.

[C]

No, but then. Now I think they're. Now it's cool now the vibe is okay. I'm not shunned anymore. So.

[B]

Similar thing with my family.

[C]

Yeah. I think that's just common. Right. But it's out. It's from a good place.

[B]

Well, it's like you're, you know, it's. It's a. It's a. I think you're from a parent's point of view. They're like, it's a very tough road to do and, you know, it's not the most honorable profession and you're a loser for a long time, but you finally make it.

[C]

Mom.

[A]

You cooked quick, though. When did you start, Connor?

[C]

I've been doing it four and a half years now.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

Well, yeah, I wanted them to talk to me again, so I don't.

[B]

Well, I mean, she probably. She can't leave the house unless you write three hours of jokes.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, exactly. I. No, it's true though. I feel like now I have to like hit like certain benchmarks every day or else I'm like, ah, I didn't practice. I didn't do what I was supposed to.

[B]

Great.

[C]

Yeah. So. And I. I think that's also why I probably move fast.

[B]

Yeah. Really working.

[A]

Do you have a laptop? You bring a laptop with you?

[C]

No, I like writing with pen and paper.

[A]

Huh. You ever use the business center at the Hotel?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

I like to be in the room.

[A]

Okay. Do you write in cursive?

[C]

It's kind of like half and half. Because I learned cursive and Gotcha. You know what I mean? It's kind of like not. Not cursive.

[A]

Do you put a thing on your eyes? Do you put something over your eyes that's not just a dot?

[C]

No, just a dot. I keep it simple.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Not trying to show off.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I can see you doing.

[C]

I don't have that much time.

[B]

Simple, simple girl from Stockton.

[C]

You know what I mean? I do. A flower.

[A]

See, I could see that. You have a jar full of erasers.

[B]

Do you have a go to karaoke song?

[C]

Yeah, it's Molly Cyrus by Stitches.

[A]

Who's that?

[B]

No, Stitches by Miley Cyrus. Molly. Wait.

[C]

Molly Cyrus by Stitches.

[B]

Stitches is the usual.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Usually I gotta get eyes on this.

[C]

People get. They don't like me singing it. I did this at a Napa. In a winery. The guy let me ox and. Yeah, it was at a winery. And he was like, are you sure? And then I played this and all the people wine tasting got so mad at me. The strong choice.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Respect it, though. Wait, Molly Cyrus?

[C]

Yeah. Molly Cyrus by Stitches.

[B]

Just some hardcore band kinda Stitches Molly's side. How do you. Wait, there it is. Oh, man.

[A]

We're so old, we can't even find it.

[B]

Hey, I'm young and cool. I don't know what you're talking about.

[A]

Molly Cyrus.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Song by Stitches 2015. This seems a little aggressive.

[C]

Yeah, you should play it.

[B]

I mean, we can't, unfortunately, due to copyright. We. I don't own the. Right. I'm gonna have to talk to Stitches and see if we'll clear us playing it.

[C]

It's like, I just want the Molly now. I'm trying to. Miley Cyrus. I' ma put cocaine in your ass. I'm gonna put my.

[B]

And this is what you're doing?

[A]

This is what you're doing at a wine tasting in Napa?

[C]

Yeah, that's what I mean. That's. It's funny because.

[B]

Sure, this guy's. I mean, this guy's got face that. I mean, I didn't. I wouldn't peg you as a Stitches.

[C]

No, no. I just like. It's like a really good hype song when you're drunk, you know?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And sober.

[A]

Were you at the wine tasting?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You were tasting wine?

[C]

Yes. Okay. You think I was sober?

[A]

I don't know. Screwy.

[B]

I don't know what the hell's going on, huh? Let's say you're at. You're at one of, you know, you're staying somewhere. You'll get takeout food. Well, you're at home. Will you plate. Will you put that on one of your five plates, or do you eat out of the container sometimes?

[C]

It doesn't make it home.

[B]

It doesn't make. You might just do it in the car right there.

[C]

Yeah, really fast food.

[B]

I got you.

[A]

I respect that.

[C]

But if not, I like to eat. Watch Bob's Burgers. When I eat a burger, it's a weird thing that I like. I don't know. So sometimes I'll put that on if the burger makes it home, and then we both.

[B]

Both are eating burgers. Yeah. A lot of burger. A lot of burger talk going on. Hey, I'm with it.

[C]

You know what? There's a business now that they do where they like. It's like fork and film. I don't know if I can say that because of copyright. I don't know how that works.

[B]

I don't think you know how copyrights work. As somebody who's about to be a lawyer, you are not aware of.

[C]

What do you. I don't know if I. I guess I can say that, but they have.

[B]

A trade secret or something or just the name of a place?

[C]

No, it's just the name of a place.

[A]

Why would you be able to say that?

[C]

No, I'm kidding. I was just kidding, you guys. You think she's good?

[B]

Well, like, she takes it, like, one step further than I expected to, and I'm like, oh, she really doesn't know.

[C]

What the she's doing for real. Sometimes I think this is.

[B]

I thought that a couple times.

[C]

Kidding. I know. How does it come.

[A]

Come on, guys. No, you do it so well. You make the other person think there's something wrong with them.

[B]

Yes, that's what I'm saying. You take it, like, two steps further than, like, most people would pull out. And then I go. I like, oh, I don't think that's right. And you go, no, I'm with you. I go, okay.

[A]

I feel like an idiot.

[C]

I know.

[B]

This is emotional warfare at its finest.

[A]

I'm gonna have an eating disorder after this.

[B]

I'm gonna walk out here and go, thanks for letting me be on your podcast. Turn the whole show upside down. We leave her here.

[A]

We leave.

[B]

Hey, I'll let you know next time I'm back in town.

[A]

We're at Bananas tonight.

[C]

I'm like, I think that's the last time we're having These guys.

[A]

I know. All of a sudden, you got Luke.

[C]

Let's not ask for them again.

[B]

Look, those guys just didn't get the show. They just didn't bring it. That's so funny. Okay, no.

[C]

Before can film, they bring you food as it's happening in the movie. The.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Yeah. There's a business around this, and I've been doing it for years.

[B]

That was my buddy's idea. You should be able to watch the Food Network and order. There should be, like, a kitchen that you can order whatever the food you're watching.

[C]

That's why I don't watch Food Network, because then I'm disappointed. Which, like, it's kind of like porn. Right. I imagine.

[A]

I thought it would be a good idea to have a podcast about food in movies. Like, talk about, like, the Chinese food scene in Godfrey.

[C]

What?

[B]

No way. I thought she was serious again now she wasn't.

[A]

She making fun of me?

[C]

No, I'm not.

[B]

I. I don't think you're supporting them.

[C]

No, I think it's a great idea. I think.

[B]

I think bad guys all over the world will love that. You were having a good time.

[C]

Can you imagine being in a third world country and knowing that we talk about food, we don't even eat it, we just make commentary on it. They're like, what the.

[A]

I say that all the time. All that they make in those competitions on the Food Network, they probably throw that out. There's no way the crew can eat all that. All that lobster.

[B]

So what are you waiting. Waiting for your phone to ring?

[C]

Yeah, they should send it. I think that it would be a good business idea. All the food from, like, movies and stuff, they should send it to.

[B]

Yeah. Freeze dry. That a lot of dry ice.

[C]

Do it powdered.

[B]

Like, powder the gum. Jambalaya. What it. You have a 2008 Prius? How are you listening to music in the Pri? Is there an aux cord in that?

[C]

Yeah, there's an aux cord at one point. But somebody broke into my car the last time I left Austin for a little too long and. But I didn't lock the car because.

[A]

What?

[C]

I have a theory. Just open it. Don't break my window. Because then that gives me another task, you know.

[A]

You leave the car unlocked.

[C]

Yeah. That way they just get what they need, and then they don't, you know, cause damage to the car and my car gets cleaned. That's kind of what I felt like, because they took all the shit out of it, and now I don't have to clean it.

[A]

Wait, so did this Happen the way you wanted it to happen.

[C]

Honestly, I just like to see it on the bright side of stuff.

[B]

So her car got broken into and she forgot to lock the door.

[A]

But the door was unlocked.

[C]

The door was unlocked and they didn't smash the window. I did that on purpose because I don't want them to smash the window.

[A]

And they didn't smash the window.

[C]

They didn't. They just. They tried it and then they saw that it was unlocked, so.

[A]

So it worked out.

[C]

Yeah, it worked out. And I didn't even remember what was in my car. So whatever they stole, like, they probably needed it more than. But one of the things was the aux cord. And that's the only thing that I'm kind of annoyed about because now I have to bring a speaker in the car.

[B]

You got. That's that. That's what I was getting. Yeah, you got a loose. You got a Bluetooth speaker in the car?

[C]

Well, no, not Bluetooth, but I have an aux.

[B]

But you're doing a hardwired.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Third party speaker in your car.

[C]

And now I don't have that even. So now I use a speaker because it got broken into. Do you guys listen to me?

[B]

Oh, wait, what? You have the speaker is what I'm saying.

[C]

Yeah, there's the built in speaker, but I'll bring one. Like a little kind of party speaker in the car.

[B]

Yeah, I'm with you on that.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, you know, party speaker speaker.

[C]

Yeah, a little tiny one with a fan that I got.

[B]

JBL let me play Stitches too.

[C]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Huh. Have you ever taken a picture with an iPad?

[C]

No. Okay.

[A]

You flossing every day?

[C]

No.

[A]

You go to the dentist regularly?

[C]

No.

[A]

Doctor?

[C]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Have you ever owned a tennis racket?

[C]

No.

[A]

You brush your teeth in the shower?

[B]

I have.

[A]

You pee in the shower?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You drink? Did you ever growing up? I doubt it. But you drink milk with dinner?

[C]

Yes, you did. All growing up. Even now. I love milk.

[B]

Huh?

[C]

Yeah. I like my book.

[B]

Checks out.

[A]

Just turned it all around. I don't think you're weird at all.

[B]

Or mean.

[A]

Or mean.

[B]

Whole milk.

[C]

Am I being mean?

[A]

No.

[B]

Whole milk not being nice.

[C]

Whole milk is the. Really?

[B]

I'm kidding. I also make jokes. Okay.

[C]

You do? That's the first one I heard.

[B]

I'm not sure anymore.

[A]

This was a new show.

[B]

It's hot in here.

[A]

What's the rotation when you're home of the towel situation for the shower?

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

How many towels do you own at the house?

[C]

Oh, like three maybe. That's pretty Good.

[A]

How many showers for one towel before you wash it?

[C]

Well, you know, I'm always clean when I use it, so I like, maybe like, you know.

[B]

So you're really defending this like a bad lawyer.

[C]

I'm clean when I use the towel. So you think the towel would still be clean for a while.

[B]

It's not. It's not so much dirt. It's the amount of moisture on the. On the towel.

[C]

Then I was just like, hang it up and it dries till next time.

[B]

I've showered before.

[A]

So how many?

[B]

How many?

[C]

Maybe like a week or two. I don't know.

[A]

A week of showering every day. Seven showers.

[C]

Seven? Yeah. It's that bad? I don't know.

[B]

That's standard.

[A]

Yeah, I guess that's pretty good.

[B]

Now, do you do know. Do you have in unit washer and dryer? Do you have to. You do.

[C]

But it sucks because it's one of those European ones that is like, you want and it takes forever. So.

[A]

Is it one thing? It's not only. Only one. There's not two?

[C]

No, it's one thing.

[A]

What the.

[C]

Yeah. So it takes like an entire day to do, like.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

But they also have, like, off unit. Like.

[A]

Like downstairs.

[C]

Downstairs, yeah. But I got all my laundry stolen one time.

[B]

Left it in the car.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no, my apartment door unlocked.

[C]

I left the dryer unlocked.

[A]

Stole your laundry?

[C]

Yeah, they stole it.

[A]

Who's stealing laundry?

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

But out of where? Out of the downstairs? Yeah, the communal one.

[A]

Jesus.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So how long did you leave it down there?

[C]

For a while. But no, no, it was only. No, I went to bed because it was at night time. And then the next day I went to.

[A]

Well, you know, was it left on the washing machine or in the dryer?

[C]

In the dryer. So they got like a nice clean.

[A]

Yeah, they had stuff ready to go.

[B]

Someone's out there folding my clothes.

[C]

Yeah, that was the good part. I was like, well, I guess now I don't have to fold my laundry, so that's cool.

[B]

Everybody hates that.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you been to a Marshalls TJ Maxx or HomeGoods in the last 30 days?

[C]

No, but I like all of those places.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How do you feel about coconut?

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Just okay?

[C]

I mean, you know, not a fan. Like in drinks. I like it.

[A]

And then drinks.

[B]

Yeah, you know, like coconut juice, something.

[C]

Yeah. Like. No, I was. Yeah. And alcoholic drinks.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

You know, like, what's it called?

[A]

Okay. You like pina colada?

[C]

All right. I like. I feel healthy when I Drink coconut water?

[A]

Sure, sure.

[C]

Yeah, but it's. I think I like other fruits more.

[A]

What's your favorite fruit?

[C]

This guy. I'm just kidding.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

That was the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. God damn it. Came at my expense. I'm not happy about that. I invite you in here, do a nice podcast. You can call my friend fat. You call me homosexual. You know, I'm a goddamn professional. I have to put up with this.

[C]

I feel like you get are stiff around me, so I wanted to, like, make you guys.

[B]

I wanted to hurt your feelings.

[C]

No, no, this. These guys want to be insulted. They're asking for it. I could just read it.

[B]

I didn't know we were inviting Rickles here.

[A]

What's your favorite candy bar?

[C]

I like the kinder ones, but I grew up in Italy, so those are the, like.

[A]

You didn't grow up in Italy. You were there for five years.

[C]

My childhood, pretty much. I clocked in, memory wise. Went to Italy and then I. Wild.

[B]

You're pushing back on this.

[A]

Five to 11. That's not growing up. I'd say 11.

[B]

You still haven't grown up.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Maybe you should move to Italy. Check in. All right.

[A]

No. Seven fishes.

[B]

I'm out.

[C]

He's grown out.

[A]

Kinder, very classy.

[C]

Tinder. What?

[A]

Kinder.

[B]

Oh, kinder, Very classy. Are there any. Do you have any.

[A]

I was just gonna say real quick, I got my hands on some of those. The ones that look a little. Baguettes, Bueno bars. Oh, those things.

[C]

Oh, those are good.

[A]

They really know what they're doing over there, huh? I'm sorry, Kevin.

[B]

No, no, it's okay. It wasn't gonna go anywhere. She would have turned it on its head. Have you ever earned any trophies in anything? Yeah, like any piano. Like a competition.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And what a age.

[C]

Six, maybe. I was in Italy six or seven, eight.

[B]

Do you still have any of those trophies?

[C]

I have them.

[B]

Where are they displayed?

[C]

In Italy? Yeah. In my house.

[A]

Yeah, In Italy.

[C]

Yeah, we still have our house over there.

[A]

Who's living in that?

[C]

No one.

[A]

What?

[C]

Yeah, it's. Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

It's just been sitting empty.

[C]

I don't ask questions.

[B]

You don't, do you?

[C]

I don't ask a lot of questions. I'm like. I'm sure they have a good reason for what they do.

[B]

We should be able to go at least that's all I'm saying.

[A]

So there's a house in Tuscany?

[C]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

You know anybody from the Medici Family over there. No, you know what I'm talking about?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, the family.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Last name Medici.

[A]

Very big in the Renaissance. Banking.

[B]

Right.

[A]

European banking.

[C]

Wasn't that when Galileo was also. Or was that at the same time period?

[B]

Yeah, he was floating around there. Galileo.

[A]

All those guys.

[C]

You know who Galileo is?

[A]

Of course I know who Galileo is.

[C]

He would have been excited to discover you.

[A]

That's mean.

[B]

She's gotta start writing for me. I've been calling you fat for five years. She's got a whole breath of fresh air.

[C]

He's like, I guess Earth has three moons.

[A]

There's other little guys floating around me. He was a quack. Euro trash.

[B]

Do you know how to use chopsticks?

[C]

Awkward. Yeah, like I can. I manage.

[A]

But you're big on sushi.

[B]

When your family would go to the sushi buffet, were you using chopsticks or for hands? Hands.

[C]

Yeah. Cut out the middleman.

[A]

Which is the proper way to eat it.

[C]

Yeah. I feel like that was the OG way to eat.

[A]

Have you ever been to Japan?

[C]

No. I've always wanted to go, though. I feel like I would like it.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

I mean, listen, you know, what?

[A]

Are you gonna make a determination, kid? Screwballs.

[B]

She's wacky. She's. She's wacky. We didn't get that many straight answers out of her. But the 08 Prius ain't great.

[C]

You would like not straight answers, wouldn't.

[B]

You, you little freak?

[A]

Is that what you like? Huh? Sicko. Right up your alley.

[B]

All right, listen. She's trash and I'm gay.

[A]

That's the bro. Cristina Mariani, everybody.

[B]

Thank you so much for coming in.

[C]

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

[A]

Do we say she's got. You are garbage.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, dude. Yeah.

[A]

Wildly elusive. Which would make you. Garbage.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Anything you want the folks out there to know. What do you got? You're on tour right now?

[C]

Yeah, I'm on tour.

[A]

Christinamariani.com to get tickets.

[C]

Creamery. For my username on Instagram, even though I'll spell it C R I I M A R I, I.

[A]

Right.

[C]

On Instagram. And. Yeah. Just on tour. And I'm doing the comedy store on February 18th.

[A]

Very nice. Doing the main room.

[C]

The main room, yeah.

[A]

Go and see her.

[C]

I'm really excited about.

[A]

Very funny. Standard comedian. You're killing it. We're very happy for you. We love you. Thank you so much for coming in. This was so much fun.

[C]

Thank you. Yeah, this was a lot of fun. Sorry if I was too mean.

[A]

Oh, no, no. We're joking around.

[B]

We love you Kibby. What do you got for guys? We're on the road right now as as well get your tickets Louisiana. Austin, Tampa, Denver, all over the place. All tickets available at our cleveland.com cleveland.

[A]

Christina, we love you. Thank you again.

[C]

Thank you so much for having me.

[A]

Gang, we love you. We'll see you next week.

[C]

Peace.