Derrick Stroup!

Summary

ARE YOU GARBAGE? — DERRICK STROUP!
Release Date: January 29, 2026
Hosts: H. Foley & Kevin Ryan
Guest: Derrick Stroup

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Episode Overview

Comedians H. Foley and Kevin Ryan welcome their guest, stand-up comic Derrick Stroup, to determine his “garbage” status—a playful deep-dive into upbringing, habits, class indicators, and personal anecdotes. With his Southern roots and a colorful backstory, Derrick shares stories ranging from growing up in Alabama to bottoming out in his 30s, all while fielding the classic “Are You Garbage?” questions with candor and wit.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Derrick’s Upbringing: Southern Roots, Shifting Circumstances

[02:46–06:56]

• Born in Charleston, West Virginia; raised in rural Alabama (“Harvest, right outside Huntsville”).

  “Harvest sounds like a made up place. It’s a little too on the nose. It’s like being from White People, Utah.” — Derrick [03:03]

• His family transitioned from a family electrical contacts business (silver on copper for transformers) to running a landscaping business after the first folded.
• Characterizes early prosperity followed by hardship:

  “I had about 10 years where we were riding a heater… then the dream always sinks.” — Derrick [04:22]

• On his father (stepdad) starting landscaping:

  “He made killer money doing it, and I was of no help.” — Derrick [05:44]

2. Education: The “Recreation” Degree

[06:17–08:06]

• Attended Jacksonville State University in Alabama for seven years, majoring in Recreation.

  “My final was canoeing and dodgeball. And that’s not a joke… we learned the ethics of freeze tag.” — Derrick [07:09]

• Did not ultimately graduate; left to run a bar and start comedy.

3. Family Structure and Dynamics

[09:56–13:56]

• Oldest, with much younger half-siblings (12 and 16 years younger).
• Product of a teen mom and absent biological father, but raised mostly by mother and stepdad.

  “Don’t know my dad at all… That’s my stepdad, Bill. You meet him, you’d know.” — Derrick [10:17]

• Stepdad and mother married in Alabama:

  “They said they were going to the Smoky Mountains… when they came back, my dad was allowed to spank me!” — Derrick [12:10]

• Calm about blended family, focusing on “stability and somebody to count on.”

4. Socioeconomic Status and “Garbage” Markers

[14:01–15:48, 25:45–27:06]

• Moved from a townhouse to a 15-acre "gentleman’s farm" (came with all tools, furniture, and even a Weimaraner dog).

  “They left us… the couch, the dog, the lawnmower, every tool… They just left the home and all their belongings.” [14:09]

• Described as “not selling, just keeping produce” and “having peach, apple, pear trees, and an acre of vegetables.”
• On the rural life:

  “Walking home from school, the trees would get so heavy from the peaches, they'd be almost laying on the ground, and I would just eat peaches all the way down the driveway.” [15:52–16:06]

5. Early Work and College Life

[17:46–18:00; 31:39–35:05]

• Various odd jobs, including family landscaping (reluctantly), running a bar in college, and working at Sports Authority and Big Lots after moving to Denver.

  “I went there for seven years. There was only like two bars there, seven restaurants… truly had the time of my life.” [06:33]

• Brief moment of affluence as a “bar general manager"; but severe downturn after DUIs cost him license, home, and stability:

  “I haven’t drove in 15 years… got two DUIs 16 years ago.” [29:07] “Move back in with my parents. I’m 30 years old, try to work with my dad. He’s breaking his back. I’m trying to tell him about French drains… We blew up and got in a fight.” [30:51]

6. Hitting Rock Bottom and Pivot to Comedy

[32:47–38:03]

• After job loss and family fights post-college, Derrick “bottoms out”—living in his parents’ sunroom as a grown adult, bumming cash and rides.

  “I was riding around on a bicycle smoking cigarettes off the ground outside of McDonald's like Ricky Bobby.” [30:50] “I was just in there plotting my revenge. And you know what’s so crazy? …I feel this connection with you. It’s so crazy to be plotting your revenge in a situation you created, but it still works.” [34:54]

• Moved to Denver, inspired by an on-and-off girlfriend, started stand-up comedy more seriously.

  “Let me tell you, a comedian who’s lost everything is a dangerous person. Because you’re not going to scare me.” [37:05] “I wasn’t doing it because I was trying to scratch a creative itch… No, man, I’ve burnt it all down.” [37:46]

7. Family Legacy, Name, and Motivation

[23:10–24:07]

• Kept the last name “Stroup” as a quiet act of vengeance and motivation:

  “I always felt like my biggest revenge would be not to disappear. If I get rid of Stroup, then they’ve erased me. But if I keep Stroup, then they can’t… that’s kind of my drive: shoving it up his ass.” [23:33]

8. The “Are You Garbage?” Lightning Rounds

[27:32–67:22]

Quirky Markers and Confessions:

• First car: 1998 Toyota Camry [57:52]
• No rat tail, never radio in the shower, no butterfly knife/chinese star
• Cigarettes: Smoked Parliaments; asked parents for $20 bills for cigarettes [36:25]
• Peanut butter: Loves Jif, extra crunchy, and all jams/jellies—but not Nutella [49:17]
• Milk: Whole milk, but buys half-gallons [61:01]
• Soda: Prefers Diet Coke and Mountain Dew, not into Dr. Pepper [50:44]
• Waffle House: Adores it, specifically recommends the pecan waffle [54:40]
• Hotel habits: Swims in pools, doesn't worry about wearing shorts, will walk barefoot through lobby [52:39]
• Prom: Limo with a date, detoured for crab legs at Landry’s Seafood [56:13]
• Fast food: Prefers diners over chains, but likes fast food at airports [53:30]
• Cologne: Huge guy, used to favor Intuition by Estée Lauder (now uses Dolce & Gabbana The One), “I wear cologne to take out the trash” [67:22]
• Toiletry habits: Pees and brushes teeth in the shower (but toothbrush does NOT stay there), pees in pools if uncrowded, always wipes public toilet seats with United Airlines sanitizer wipes [62:37–63:55]

9. Milestone Events: Marriage, Family, and Life Now

[58:49–59:53]

• Married in Pensacola, Florida in May 2025 on the beach, small and intimate.
• New father (4-month-old son).

  “Had a baby boy four months ago. Feel like Denzel in Man on Fire—whoever wants it can get it.” [24:33]

• Future travel goals: honeymoon in Greece (wife’s dream).

10. Reflections on Friendship, Loyalty, and Perspective

[42:05–43:27]

• Derrick and the hosts share on surviving hard times with support from real friends, learning who's in your corner:

  “If you’ve never seen the darkness… I know who my boys are. Because when I was down, down, down—had nothing to offer but friendship—it was plenty to them.” — Derrick [42:14] “You need those guys in your corner.” — Kevin [43:27]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Looks like Blake Shelton got stung by bees.” — Derrick, roasting himself [02:13]
• “Harvest sounds like a made-up place. It’s a little too on the nose—it’s like being from White People, Utah.” — Derrick [03:03]
• “If I knew I was a comedian, it would have made my life a lot easier. …She’d walk by the room, and it sounded like there were 5 people in there.” [16:54]
• “My stepdad… wasn’t funny, but he was rock solid.” [12:47]
• “Grew up on a gentleman’s farm… All those peach trees, apple trees, and an acre garden. We canned a bunch of stuff.” [15:48]
• “I lost everything—money, license, friends chased out by my own choices.” [30:38]
• “A comedian who’s lost everything is a dangerous person.” [37:05]
• “I wear cologne to take out the trash.” [67:22]

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Timestamps of Important Segments

• 00:46–03:03: Derrick’s origins in West Virginia and Alabama
• 04:03–06:56: Family businesses, downturn to landscaping
• 07:09–08:06: College and “recreation” degree (canoeing/dodgeball finals)
• 10:17–13:19: Absent bio dad and stepdad dynamics
• 14:09–15:48: Moving to the 15-acre farm, inheriting everything
• 23:10–24:07: On keeping the family name “Stroup”
• 30:50–35:05: Down-and-out at 30, sunroom living, bumming rides
• 37:05–37:59: “Dangerous” comedian motivation
• 49:24–50:17: Nutella vs. peanut butter/grown-man snack preferences
• 54:40–55:20: Deep Waffle House affection, especially for pecan waffles
• 58:49–59:48: Wedding in Pensacola, beach, and plans for Greece honeymoon
• 62:37–63:55: Detailed public bathroom/travel hygiene rituals

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Tone and Style

• Southern charm and self-deprecating humor from Derrick.
• Hosts riff affectionately and with relatability on blue-collar life, sincerity, and comic struggle.
• Entertaining confessions delivered with zero shame—embracing “garbage” roots with pride.
• Standout moments of vulnerability mixed with rapid-fire, light-hearted jabs.

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Final Assessment

Is Derrick Stroup “Garbage”?
A resounding yes, but as the hosts say—“my kind of trash.” Derrick’s story is one of ups, downs, resilience, Southern quirks, loyalty, and self-awareness. He is both a survivor and a sharer, embodying the Are You Garbage? spirit: one foot in the mud, one on the stage, always ready to laugh about it.

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For more Derrick Stroup:

• Check out his Netflix special (March 2026)
• Recent marriage (May 2025), new dad, and prolific stand-up gigs (see Kansas City Feb 20–21)

“If you’d never seen the darkness… I know my boys.” — Derrick Stroup [42:14]

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Episode Highlight:
The in-depth, hilarious rundown of “rock bottom” sunroom living and the pivot to comedy—capped by Derrick’s heartfelt, unflinching embrace of his “garbage” journey.

Transcript

[A]

Good lord.

[B]

Ladies and gentlemen, I do declare, there's some new are you Garbage Dates over there at Are you garbage dot com.

[C]

Yeah, the big man ain't lying. We just announced Netflix is a joke festival in Los Angeles on May 7th. And we have the Comedy Works in Denver July 16th to July 18th. Get those tickets. These shows are going to sell out. We love you.

[A]

We'll see you there.

[B]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are youe Garbage?

[A]

The show where you find out if.

[B]

Your favorite comedians are classy individuals and or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you Garbage?

[C]

Oh, yeah, it's that little show.

[B]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash.

[A]

Trash, trash, trash.

[B]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She's down at the dmv.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Trying to beat a case. I got her jammed up.

[C]

Okay, fair enough.

[B]

Mike House is coming at you from right next to me, unamused this week. Little bit of a swing and a miss as they say. He is the CEO of Are you garbage? He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him. Give it up for kj. Kevin. James Ryan, everybody.

[C]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the charts to the middle of the charts, not the top. Who wants to be the top of the charts? Everybody looking for us, not showing off. You know what I mean? Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com re garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

[B]

Yes, sir. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. He's a very funny, very successful stand up comedian. Seen him on Comedy Central. You've seen him on Tonight Show. He's one of the stars over there on Nate Land. He's got a special out yelling my feelings. And he's got a brand new special coming out on Netflix in March. Just did nine sold out shows up there at Wise guys in Utah. Give it up for Derek Stroop, everybody.

[A]

Hey, hey, hey, kids.

[B]

Got the hot Hands.

[A]

Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me.

[C]

Thanks for coming.

[A]

Yeah, man, I'm pumped.

[B]

Like a southern closer. You got the hat pulled down coming out of the bullpen.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Some people that don't know me are going to be like, looks like Blake Shelton got stung by bees.

[B]

Man. All those country guys, there was a wave of them. They were all good looking as.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Rugged man, masculinity.

[B]

The mid 2000s, they were all just gorgeous.

[A]

It does a cowboy hat does a lot for you, though.

[C]

There's a lot for you. Not for me. Yeah, I look not so great in them. I've tried. If I could pull it off, I would. I just.

[B]

Cowboy hat.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

There's also something like. I can't be walking around the streets in New York in a fucking cowboy.

[A]

No, none of us.

[C]

And Jordans, you know what I mean?

[B]

It's a tough howdy, sir. Let me get chicken over rasp, please. Try your ethnic delicacies. Derek, give us the backstory. Where are you from? Alabama.

[A]

That's right. Born. Born in Charleston, West Virginia, raised in Alabama. I'm a very unique breed.

[C]

Jesus Christ. I thought it could have get worse.

[D]

You don't.

[A]

You don't see that mix very often.

[B]

Six ways of southern.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

How many Charlestons are there, by the way? Jesus Christ.

[A]

I know there's there. I mean there's two that we mainly talk about and it's never the one that I was born.

[C]

Yeah. I was going to say I've never heard of Charleston.

[A]

No. Nobody ever assumes that, but yeah.

[C]

What was the why jump and at what age was West Virginia?

[A]

I moved to Alabama when I was 9 years old and my dad got a job right outside of Huntsville, Alabama. And at the time, you know, felt like a real lateral move. As I got older, I have to say I think I made. It was a pretty good decision. Huntsville has turned out to be a. It was a. I'm from Harvest right outside of Huntsville. I mean Harvest sounds like a made up place. I get that. It's a little too on the nose. It's like being from white people.

[B]

Utah apple cider. Alabama.

[A]

Yeah, I'm from Tornado, Oklahoma, but yeah. So a little town right outside of Huntsville. It was a great area to grow up in. It was. It was great.

[C]

And what did your dad do?

[A]

He worked for my grandfather. They had a family owned business.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

For probably the first 10 years that lived there and then. And then that went under and then he had to start a landscaping business.

[C]

And so yeah, they always go Under.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

The dream always sinks. They can't. They can get there. They can't maintain it.

[A]

No, no, I hadn't been sitting here. I had about 10 years where. I mean, we were riding a heater.

[C]

Yeah, that's true. Yeah.

[A]

Same. That's the only reason I know any about hibachi Is that 10 years.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you been to his? Benny on it.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Wait, okay, so you. Your grandfather. Was your grandfather from West Virginia and they moved out and did the business.

[A]

Yep. They moved down to Huntsville, and he was running it himself, and so he called my dad, who. My dad was running a bar in Charleston at the time.

[B]

He was running a bar?

[A]

Yeah, it was called Number eight down on Capitol Street.

[C]

Great bar.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Number eight Underground. Just a couple pinball machines and some stools, but, yeah, he. He. He ran that forever. And. And then he went into the family business, which was my grandfather. It was electrical contacts. It was very unique. They would take silver and put it on the copper, and they would sell it to, like, companies for transformers and different things. A lot of just standing up and welding and talk radio. He made great money doing it, but. Yeah, and then once that went under, we had to. We had to pivot to the landscaping company, which was a nightmare.

[C]

Does not seem like a lateral.

[A]

I want to be the son of a landscaping company.

[B]

Had they ever done that? You'd that before?

[A]

No.

[B]

What year is this? Is this when landscaping got hot?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No, this is like. This is when landscaping really took off. I would say probably 20 years ago.

[B]

All right.

[A]

I mean, everybody once, you know, I mean, everybody had a. Had something in the back of their lawnmower they were pulling. Weed eaters.

[C]

A Toro.

[A]

Yeah, he. I mean, he made killer money doing it, and I was of no help.

[B]

A lot of cash.

[A]

My other brother, Will, he helps out with it still. Yeah, still. Still, Will. Still helps with it. Coaches, baseball, helps my dad out with the company. But there's no way. I mean, I did it on and off for several years, but I Not laying any sort of.

[C]

So what you. Brutal.

[B]

Once you moved out there and became 16, 17, you were automatically on the crew?

[D]

I would have said, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You start. I mean. Well, actually, let's get the timeline right. This probably started happening when I was about 18, the landscaping.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So I was able to get out. I went to Jacksonville State University, which is a tiny little school in Alabama. It's about two hours south of Huntsville, where I grew up. I went there for seven years.

[C]

Southern guys go to schools. You've never heard of every single one of them.

[B]

Did you stay at home and go to school?

[A]

Did you. Oh, no, no, no. I lived in Jacksonville. I had the absolute time of my life. I mean, there was only like two bars there, seven restaurants, a school of. At the time, probably 7,000 people. And I truly had the time. And there was all kinds of. I mean, country singer Riley Green, me, Sam Hunt, Drake White, we were all. Those are all country singers you probably don't know, but we were all there at the same time.

[B]

Like a super.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Sam was playing at the local bar. Riley went to school there playing. And. Yeah, it was a wild. It was. It was a great time.

[C]

Man, that's not bad. What'd you go to school for?

[A]

Well, several things.

[C]

We.

[A]

We landed on recreation because I touched that. Well, my. My final was canoeing and dodgeball. And that's not a joke. Like, we would learn. We. We, like, we. We would get freeze tag for the class and you would learn the ethics of freeze tag, of, like, how to treat people and keep things. Keep people's boundaries safe.

[B]

But this is in college.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But, you know, looking back, I've told my friends this. Looking back, I've always wonder in regular classes.

[C]

No, I don't think you were. Dude, no way. I didn't want to say anything.

[A]

Just duped me. They go, no, no, this is a regular degree. And you're just like everybody else.

[B]

Freeze tag, dude.

[C]

Roll the ball.

[A]

Roll the ball. Yeah.

[C]

That's wild.

[A]

Yeah. Community wreck is. Is what it was.

[B]

Couldn't get into the horseshoe class.

[C]

What. What would you do with that? Like, go work at a community center. Like.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you would.

[A]

You know, when you walk into a community center and you see the guy that's like yelling at everybody in the middle of the gym, you're not going to believe this, but he went to school for that.

[B]

You know what? When you put it like that. Sweet gig.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's a pretty sweet gig. I mean, you got kids making more money than you, I believe. But yeah, I mean, there's no way that you're just balling out as a, you know. No, I'm not trying to. You community directors, you are the heartbeat. I love y', all, but you're catching a stray here.

[B]

You know what's crazy, though? They are becoming bigger and bigger in the area. We grew up outside of Philly. There's. There's a bunch of huge community centers that are like YMCAs, but they're done by the. By the Township.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

They're pretty sharp.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I smell a second gig for you. I smell a second gig. I smell a retirement plan.

[B]

Somebody give me an application to Jacksonville Christian University College. What was a college mascot?

[A]

Gamecocks.

[B]

Gamecocks.

[C]

Not bad. What was the high school mascot?

[A]

Unbelievable. It was the Senators.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Are we classy?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean, what's your mascot? We had a guy in a suit running around other team's like, what are you gonna do? Yeah. I mean, yeah. I mean, classy until you have a.

[C]

Pep rally, filibustering, and.

[A]

And a guy in a suit comes out, you're supposed to get fired up.

[B]

I never thought about it like that. I thought it was supposed to be like a. Like a Roman.

[C]

Like the old. Like the. Yeah.

[A]

No, no, ours is. John Sparkman is who the school's named after. And he was a state senator.

[C]

A state senator at that.

[B]

Not even a.

[C]

Not even. Not even a US Give it up.

[B]

For the comptrollers, everybody.

[C]

That's wild.

[B]

Coming out with a hell of a squad.

[A]

We gotta say you. He's had to be a US Senator.

[B]

He had to be.

[A]

Just for the sake of my school, there's no way I go. My school's named after a county commissioner. It's gotta be a U.S. he was.

[C]

Kicked out of office after six months.

[B]

Oh, for sure. He got caught up.

[C]

Damn. Okay. All right. I mean, we're off to the races already, you know, what was it.

[B]

Was it just you and your brother?

[A]

No, I have a sister.

[B]

You have a sister?

[A]

I'm the oldest by a long shot.

[B]

And what'd your mom do?

[C]

Hold on. What's. How long of a shot?

[A]

12 and 16 years.

[C]

Yeah. That's a long shot. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

All right, I'm.

[C]

Same. Older, same parents?

[A]

No, different parents.

[C]

Picked up on it.

[A]

No.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Don't know my. Don't know my dad.

[C]

You don't know your dad?

[A]

Don't know him at all.

[B]

You said you were working with him.

[A]

Yeah, that's my stepdad. Yeah. You'd know if we. If you met. He's five, six with black hair.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

You'd go, hey, man, Malaysian guy.

[A]

This guy's sleeping with your mother.

[B]

I like how you didn't open with that. All right, hold on a second here. So. Okay.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. So your mom has you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

18 years old.

[B]

Your mom has you in West Virginia.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Charleston, West Virginia.

[C]

I like how you jumped to college real quick.

[A]

Well, I was trying to get the hell out of there. I Was trying to get out of there. I go, I gotta get to school.

[C]

I gotta get. I gotta tell. I gotta tell him. I graduated.

[A]

I can't realize how this started.

[B]

Yeah, but then. But then you say you went to school for darts. It's like, where'd you think you were getting to, man? Just be honest.

[C]

With the best thing he's got going, the seven year degree.

[A]

That's it. Well, the degree part would have been great.

[C]

You don't have the degree?

[A]

No, no, no. I just went forever and got it. Well, I started running a bar. And then once I started running a bar, I go, why do you need a degree if you're the coolest guy that's ever lived?

[B]

I don't want you fellas to think less of me. I apologize.

[C]

All right, all right.

[B]

So your mom has you at 18. You don't know your dad.

[C]

Yeah, he summed that up pretty harshly.

[A]

People are going to chime in. That sounds like the end of the episode. They go, boy.

[B]

Okay. All right. And when did she meet your stepdad?

[A]

When I was probably six.

[B]

Okay, so it's six. All right. So then they start a family.

[D]

Yep. Yep.

[B]

Right. Well, no, they. They hadn't, because you said 12 years.

[A]

And then we moved. Alabama still? No, still just us three.

[B]

Gotcha.

[A]

They get married.

[C]

They got married in Alabama.

[A]

They got Marri in Alabama. Then they started the family.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I was 12 when Will was born. 16 when Sarah was born. Me and Sarah didn't even really share a house.

[C]

I got a similar vibe, too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Will and Sarah, they're two good names. I like that. Were you at that wedding? Your mother. Your mother and they didn't tell me.

[A]

That they were getting married. They said they were going to the Smoky Mountains to hang out for the weekend. And then when they came back, my dad was allowed to spank me. You know, it happened fast. Wow.

[C]

At the. Yeah. Well, I got good news and bad news, Derek. Good news is I'm your dad. Bad news is get on my leg.

[B]

Probably came back all fired up.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Holy.

[C]

I didn't tell you. How was the relationship with the step that were you ingratiate? Do you call him dad?

[A]

Yeah. No, call him Bill. But I talk about him on stage a lot. It. He was great, man. He was a great provider. Had a great relationship with my mother. Me and him, it was kind of touch and go. Because we're so different.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

I mean, I'm a real.

[C]

That's always what it is.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm a real wild card. He's a very Reserved, conservative guy, and I've always been a lot for him, but, like, comes to, like, just, like, man to man and a good dude. He's. He's top.

[B]

He's rock solid.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, his sense of humor isn't, like, a shining part of his.

[C]

I had to say I had the same sitch going on for a long time.

[B]

I can't take a joke. I don't know what to tell you.

[A]

I mean, that's. Yeah, that's. That's it. That's it. He's size a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, let me ask you this. Were you upset? So you were. So. You were how old when they got married?

[A]

I was probably. I was probably.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

When they got back and they were like, we got married, were you, like, what the hell? You didn't.

[A]

Never felt any type of way. I was glad. I Like the. Did you get. In hindsight, no. No. I think I appreciated the stability and just having somebody we could count on. And my mom. It all felt like it was coming together because I can remember growing up with just me and my mom. Like, we lived in a very, you know, rundown place, and, like, we were eating Taco Bell every night. So, like, that. I could see the.

[C]

Doing that now.

[A]

I could see the tides turning. That's ye. Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay. I respect that.

[C]

And what's. What's the. What's the home situ. What kind of house you in? Is it a townhouse, a condo?

[A]

When we were first. When we were first in Alabama, it was a townhouse. When they got married, we moved in to a home that's, like, on 15 acres.

[C]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Yeah, we did that thing where you buy everything. Like, the people that lived there before retired and moved to Florida. They were in their 70s. They left us, like, when we moved. You got the couch, we got. We got the dog. We got the. The lawnmower, every tool that he had, everything in the kitchen. They just left the home and all their belongings. This is the 15 acres?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's a name for it. They left garbage.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. I think. I think we got to the bottom.

[A]

We were gonna have a yard sale, but she offered us a good number.

[C]

He gave us 1200. Have the dog.

[B]

What kind of dog was it?

[A]

It was a Weimar Rainer.

[B]

What the hell?

[C]

I thought you were joking.

[A]

No, no, I'm being dead serious.

[B]

What's a Weimer Rainer?

[A]

It's a.

[B]

Sounds like a car.

[A]

No, it's like a greyhound without the athletic ability.

[B]

Became a college roommate.

[A]

Let y'. All. Y' all don't know this, but that description is. That's probably that.

[C]

How do you spell it?

[B]

The athletic ability.

[C]

Oh, there you go. Why Mariner dog?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Who were the people that left you the house?

[A]

I think they were the Badiros.

[B]

Just a family friend.

[A]

Yeah. Just. No, we didn't know them. That's how they were selling the home. We're retiring as is. As is going to a condo or whatever.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

We don't have room for the dog. We don't have room for the mower.

[A]

It's not. It's not totally uncommon. This is a thing. I don't know how much it happens anymore, but you just kind of get to move in and you can sell what. What you don't want of theirs and you keep it. But a lot of the tools. I mean, this man had a giant garden that we. That we went on and ran and such. So we kept all of his tools and all of his lawnmowers. It was a big help, not a big gig. Yeah, yeah, it wasn't. Wasn't bad at all because I grew up with, like, eight peach trees, seven apple trees, plum trees, pear trees. An acre garden is like a gentleman's farm. Like, we. We canned a bunch of stuff.

[B]

No gentleman's form.

[C]

First time I heard that.

[B]

How were the peaches? Pretty good.

[A]

Oh, man, it was unreal. I mean, walking home from school, growing up, the trees would get so heavy from the peaches, they'd be almost laying on the ground, and I would just eat peaches all the way down the driveway. And then, you know, hey, every. Every few peaches, you had to turn around and try to hit a car.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I'd knock down a few more peaches. It was the best.

[B]

Mom throw a cobbler together with that.

[A]

Oh, my goodness. Put her whole foot in it. Yeah. Are you kidding me? Golly.

[C]

I love a Southern Zane.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Okay, Can I ask you this?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

When you were in the townhouse.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

How did you feel about townhouse community living? Was there a pool? Community pool?

[A]

No, there wasn't a pool. It wasn't.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You know, I mean, I was just. By my. You know, I was only child till I was 12, so I used to grab the football. We. We had. We had another dog that we already had, a golden retriever. And I would just try to run, and he would tackle me, and I mean, that's all I played. I mean, I didn't really have anybody around me that I was. I mean, you know, If I would have known that I was a comedian growing up, it had made me and my mom's life a lot easier.

[C]

Of course. Right?

[A]

Because she said she'd leave me in a room and she'd walk by and it sound like there was five people in there. But she couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. So I, I, you know, I was, I was a self entertaining person. Then when we moved to the house, I got, you know, that changed everything.

[B]

That's a good quote, man. If I knew I was a comedian, it would have been my life a lot easier.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Well, because you're constantly in the principal's office and they go, we, we can't tell if you're dumb or if you just don't care, son.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go, it's neither. I'm just gonna always send it.

[C]

I'm ripping here, dude. Yeah, I'll kill it.

[A]

I mean, I crushed English for an hour until you got in there.

[C]

Yeah, Yeah. I, I once had a teacher said, help me ask my mom, help me help your son. And I was like, my mom's like, if a teacher ever says that to me again, I'll kill you.

[A]

I love it. I had a teacher tell my mom that your son's either going to end up in prison or Saturday Night Live.

[C]

Yeah, well, fingers crossed.

[A]

Yeah, no kidding.

[B]

I can't get over the fact you were doing Oklahoma drills with the golden retriever.

[A]

I really was. I really was. And I mean, he won some. I want.

[B]

Hey, man. Kevin saw my Lucy shout out.

[C]

You know Lucy. I know Lucy. New guy Luke knows Lucy.

[B]

Luke, new guy Luke knows Lucy because he just took them all home with him.

[C]

He gets his hands all over that.

[B]

Came in and took the stash with them.

[C]

I know.

[B]

Gang, we're talking about 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise in it. Each pouch holds a capsule that can be broken open to release a little extra flavor and hydration, which is important when you're doing your nicotine pouches.

[C]

Listen, a lot of people like the pouch. Everyone, everybody's on a pouches. Lucy's been around for a hot minute right now. Everybody's got their own thing. I like this flavor. I like that. What strength do you use? Lucy's got you covered. Whatever your, whatever it you got, Lucy can scratch it, baby. Lucy's the only pouch that gives you long lasting flavor whenever you need it. You can get 20% off your first order when you buy online and use the Code garbage. And if you don't want to wait, just head to Lucy Co Stores to find Lucy in a store near you so you can grab it today. Daddy. O. They got brick and mortar in the stores for you, and they're online. You can do a subscription. They got your back covered. And here comes the fine print, gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age, and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[A]

Do it.

[B]

Kip, what do you know about Rocket Money?

[C]

I love Rocket Money.

[B]

Hey, we all love Rocket Money. Let's quit screwing around, gang. If you don't know. Rocket Money is a personal finance app that helps you find and cancel your unwanted subscriptions. It also helps you monitor your spending and helps you lower your bills so you can grow your savings. Yes, that's the key. Grow your savings.

[C]

Yes. Listen, I'm a big proponent of Rocket Money. Oh, yeah. I had one of my cards. I had. I lost it. I had to get it. I never signed it back. I never, like, entered it back up to track my spending, and it got out of control. And I said, you know, what the heck's going on here? I was like, I'm. I threw it back in Rocket Money. My fault, my problem. Put it in Rocket Money. And when. Hey, you got this hitting. I don't want to say the amount and to who, but you got this hidden. My wife signed up. Didn't you know? Yeah, that's the day. Keeps. Not even me. I stay on top of it. Helps me keep track of my wife. You know what I mean? Hey, you got this. And I say cancel this. Boom. Two clicks. Hey, the best thing is those. They'll go in for you and cancel it. That's what we're talking about. Rocket Money helps you reach your financial goals faster. Join@rocket money.com garbage one of my favorite things, too, is you get the weekly. Hey, there's a big transaction coming up. We just. We just witnessed a big transaction. This is what you spent your money on this week. You spent more last month. It's. It. It does all. It's like a nerd in your phone. It's perfect. It tracks all your money for you.

[B]

Yes.

[C]

What you need, you need. That's Rocket Money.com garbage. Rocket Money.com garbage.

[A]

Do it. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

At any point, you know, before 18, whatever, who was the most famous person you met as a kid? Didn't have to be a big celebrity. Could have been a local news guy or somebody.

[A]

I met Pete Rose and Bo.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

As a kid. Yeah. He had a.

[B]

Get the rose.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Shook his hand. He was. He was at a restaurant. I don't know if it was his restaurant or at a restaurant, but he was signing stuff and shaking hands, and I was with my.

[B]

What were you doing in Boca Raton, Florida?

[A]

That man. It just keeps going. My. I don't know my father, but my grandpa. My grandma and grandpa Stroop lived in Boca, and I went and visited him one summer and didn't see my dad or anything, but they wanted to spend time with me, so I spent. I spent a summer in Boca Raton, where they live.

[B]

Summer.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Because the backstory. Here's. Here's my grant. The Stroops made good money for themselves, and my mother, the. Came from a family that was like, very blue collar, salt of the earth people.

[C]

Gotcha.

[A]

And so when my. When. When Darren got my mother pregnant, it was the. The rich family getting the poor cheer.

[C]

On the wrong side of the trail.

[A]

So he tried to. The Stroops tried to act like it never happened. So. So they just, you know, particular dad. But my. My grandparents, I've always been told, wanted to see me. And, you know, they were normal people and wanted to. So I spent a summer with them down in Boca and. But that was the last time that I'd ever hung out with them. And they.

[C]

They.

[A]

They were, like, way more rich than the rest of my family. It was a really interesting experience.

[B]

Did they know. So you hadn't met them or anything and this was trial by fire that you were going to stay with them for the summer?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know, I probably was around them as a baby and such because, you know, my mom knows them through my dad, but I didn't like, like, know them.

[B]

What age is this? You did this?

[A]

I was probably seven. Seven or eight.

[B]

Seven.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

What'd you think of poker coming from?

[A]

Oh, it was just crazy. I could not believe that we went out to eat every night. I could not believe it. I'll never forget it. I just could. Nice restaurants, but. Yeah, nice restaurants. My grandfather, I mean, this. The apple doesn't fall far from that. He was a huge man that loved to eat. And I mean, I. That's, like my memories of, like, him talking to me about food, enjoying food, and he was just a big old dude with suspenders on. A nerdy guy that made his money through IBM before the computers really took off.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So they were kind of retired.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They were pretty young.

[B]

And where did your dad live?

[A]

He still, I mean, Darren lives in. And. Yeah.

[C]

I love the fact that you call him Darren.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

It's cutting. I love it.

[A]

Yeah. And it's also. I mean, I kept my last name. You know, my. My stepdad wanted me to take his last name when I was 16, and I didn't, and it became a kind of a personal thing, but I always felt like my biggest revenge would be not to disappear. So kind of the chip on my shoulder was like, I'm gonna keep the last name.

[C]

I just got chilled.

[A]

And then. And then I'm. You know, I'm. I'm. I'm gonna come.

[C]

You can't. You can't ignore me.

[A]

You cannot. Because then they win. And even at that age, it's crazy. I already understood that. I go, if I get rid of Stroop, then. Then they've erased me. But if I keep Stroop, then I. Then they can't, you know, because that's kind of like my. You know, a little bit of my drive is like, shoving it up his ass.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, with a. Excuse my language.

[B]

Talking about vengeance here.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And I don't curse away.

[A]

I. I don't even, you know, know him or have any reason to meet him, but it's just like, oh, yeah, I still have something you carry.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

The same chip. Because the older you get and the better you like. You great. Your mother is. And your grandmother. Yeah, that's what builds.

[C]

I just had. My parents got divorced. Dad. I don't talk to my dad anymore. I had a kid seven months ago, and it's like, oh, yeah. Completely changed my perspective of.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Of any. Of what she has done, what everybody had did and how I was a up.

[A]

No, no, I totally. I had a baby boy four months ago.

[C]

Oh, congratulations.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So. No, I get it. I feel like Denzel Washington on Man on Fire, you know, dude, like, I'm just walking down the street and I'm like, whoever wants it can get it, man.

[B]

You are spe. In our language.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, it's. Yeah, that's. That's a. That's a. Yeah, that's a lot. Lot done. That's for a different podcast. Yeah, yeah, that's for a different.

[B]

But your dad wasn't down there in Boca the summer you were there.

[A]

No, he was. He was not there. I spent that just with my. My grandparents and. And that's pretty.

[B]

I mean, that's night was nice of them to.

[A]

Yeah, absolutely. It was more even. What's even crazier, it was more of my grandfather Than even my grandmother. My grandpa Stroop was a great man. He was just very quiet, and they kind of ran over him, you know, and he kind of took it, you know? Yeah. But, yeah, he was the reason. He was the one that was like, I want to hang out, you know, with my grandson.

[B]

Oh, man, I love that.

[C]

Wow. Yeah, well, I mean, what a. Jesus Christ.

[A]

Yeah, well, I was trying to see. I go, I'm just. I'm just feeding a little bit of line at a time here. I go, how much do they. I go, I got a little more line than you think.

[C]

I've got.

[B]

Got me eating raw bacon over here. I know how to get the cribs.

[C]

I was a bunker boy. All right. Huh.

[B]

What was the grocery store that you went to growing up? Well, when we say growing up, we'll do. We'll consider Alabama.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Alabama's where I have all my main. My memories for the most part. Okay. So Bruno's Winn Dixie.

[B]

Winn Dixie.

[C]

Well, was Bruno's nicer? Probably.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, Bruno's was probably nicer, But Winn Dixie was, like, just a southern go to.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And southern grocery stores are unbelievable. Now publix has taken that play, and you. I mean, you go into publix, and you're like, oh, you people have health care, clearly. Like, I mean, nobody cares about lemons being this much taken care of, you know?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

This is when we had a little bit of cash. Right. When your stepdad was working for your. When he working for his father. That business was good.

[D]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Booming.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I had a four wheeler growing up.

[C]

Nice. What kind?

[A]

300. 300 Honda. Four tracks. Oh, man. I had to make A's and B's to get it and would. So I made A's.

[B]

How did you do that?

[A]

Just that semester.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

And then.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then it was just leverage for the rest of my life.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

Just held over my head that dude a fucking. You got a quad and 15 acres.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Zipping around.

[A]

If you can't close that deal, you your garbage.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you guys make any money off of the. Off of the farm portion of the property?

[A]

No. No. That's what a gentleman's farm is. Is where you have a lot of produce and you don't sell it. You kind of keep it for yourself.

[C]

Can it.

[A]

You might give it to your friends.

[B]

It might be. When you said, he check out there, I was like, that's a sweet saying. You said gentleman's farm.

[C]

Yeah, that's gentleman this guy's chock full of good luck.

[A]

I like that. It's got a little word play. A little word play.

[C]

Should be an entertainer, kid. Okay. Is it ground beef or hamburger meat?

[A]

Gosh, it's ground beef.

[C]

Okay. I did not expect that. Respected.

[B]

Ever have a rat tail?

[A]

No. Have I ever had a rat tail?

[C]

No. Ever attend a wedding in someone's backyard?

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[C]

Whose was it? Do you remember?

[A]

No. Because it was in their backyard. I don't drink anymore, but you black out at backyard weddings, that's for sure. It's a keg out there.

[B]

You ever have a radio in the shower, like one that sticks on the wall?

[A]

No. No.

[B]

Okay. Was the house. Were you guys feeling yourselves on the. On the classiness when you had the cash going at.

[C]

Did everybody have their own bedroom?

[A]

15 years. No, we all had our own bedrooms. It was still a tiny. It still was not a very big house.

[C]

It was.

[A]

I mean, like, I remember trying to talk to girls in high school and I would like, lay under my clothes with a blanket on top so nobody could. Could hear me. Like, I mean, there was no privacy.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Pretty small house.

[B]

I gotcha. All right. What were the. What were the family cars around that time? What was the old man driving?

[A]

The old man, like a true southerner, had an old beat up truck. Truck that he would drive around especially to take me to school to embarrass me sometimes. And then he had a Nissan truck. I mean, both of them were pretty beat up. My mom had a nicer Ford Explorer.

[B]

That Nissan truck. Do you remember what it was called? Wasn't an S Tundra Se something, was it?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Those small Nissan trucks that, like.

[B]

Super small, but like.

[A]

No, no. Yeah, but they lasted forever.

[B]

Yeah, we had the same one.

[A]

I mean, it lasted forever. I mean, it was a stick shift. I mean, I would get in there.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, yeah, you could drive stick. Not anymore. I have in my life, but I. There's no way. I would never want to anymore. Yeah, I think learning, like, it seems so archaic now.

[B]

I think you'd be able to do it. It's like.

[A]

Yeah, maybe.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, it doesn't sound too confident.

[A]

No, no. I mean, I haven't. Listen, it just keeps unraveling. I haven't drove in 15 years. I mean, it's just.

[C]

Why?

[A]

I got two DUIs. And.

[C]

And you're sober now.

[A]

Yes, 15 years ago. I got two DUIs 16 years ago and I haven't drank in five years. But yeah, I haven't drove since I haven't had my license since I got.

[C]

My D. Are you able to get it and just haven't gotten it? No one suspends it.

[A]

Yeah, I got my.

[C]

As someone with a lot of friends and family who've had a couple of DUIs. Nobody gets 15 years.

[B]

No, that should have been only six months. And expunge.

[A]

You're right. And people think that all the time. I think they don't believe me too. And I'll tell them. They'll go, I don't think you can get his life. I can. Now, I. When we moved from Denver to here, we had to get a U haul, so I got my learner's permit so my wife didn't have to drive.

[B]

Hey, look at you.

[A]

Yeah, I knocked it down on the first try. I was. I didn't even.

[C]

You should. You're 40 years old. What do you mean? You're bragging about hitting your learner.

[A]

I know a stop sign when I see one.

[B]

Can we go to Olive Garden now? You got your permit?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Hi, buddy. Just look at you.

[C]

That's crazy, dude.

[A]

Haven't drove in 15 years. I'll drive in this city.

[C]

I'll to get a U haul, too.

[A]

Yeah, I'll drive in this city by myself, though, sometimes.

[B]

Hold on, take me through that timeline. All right, so it's 15 years ago that you hadn't driven where you. Where did.

[A]

You're in Jacksonville, Florida. Alabama. Okay, so you're not going to believe how long I was in that college town.

[B]

Wait, okay, so you don't really need.

[A]

A car there in Jacksonville, Alabama, you need a car.

[B]

So what the hell were you doing.

[A]

Relying on friends that eventually gave up on you? Oh, yeah, I was riding around. I lost everything. I lost all my money. I got evicted. I was riding around on a bicycle smoking cigarettes off the ground outside of McDonald's like Ricky Bobby.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, move back in with my parents. I'm 30 years old. Try to work with my dad. I work with him for like three days. He's like landscaping. Yeah, he's breaking his back. I'm trying to tell him if you learn how to make a French drain and do some irrigation, you can make a bunch more money. We don't have to hedge these bushes and. And get bullied out here. And we blew up and got in a fight. And there was a girl that I was talking to at the time that lived in Denver, was going to massage therapy school. I come home, I go, I got no money. I just got kicked out of my dad's Family business. I go, I'm gonna move to Denver and I'm gonna kind of chase this dream. And that is where it kind of really started.

[C]

The dream of dating a massage therapist. My guy first. If that ain't the dream, I don't know what it.

[B]

He already hit the jackpot. What are you chasing?

[A]

No, it was not.

[C]

Buddy, you can retard now. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

So there you go.

[B]

Yeah, I know what you mean about the irrigation thing. You were kind of like, hey, let's get a little more landscape design a little bit. Put the beds in a little bit.

[A]

Yeah, let's make one.

[C]

When French Drains hit. Yeah, yeah, that was. Dude, I did. Me and my dad put French drains into his house.

[A]

Guess what he does now.

[C]

French drains.

[A]

French drains all the time.

[C]

Oh, that's a big ticket.

[A]

No, no. And he never. He's never like, derek, I know that time I told you you were an idiot. Get out of the Suburban. No, no, no, no. He'll die. I mean, he'll be sitting there having a heart attack.

[C]

Holy.

[B]

So you moved to Denver. That's where you started comedy?

[A]

That's where I really started.

[C]

Once. Once. The move back in at 30 is a big topic.

[A]

Nightmare.

[C]

Yeah. I had to do it. And he's. We've. Everybody's, you know, listen, every dirt bag worth their weight and Salt has 30.

[B]

I think I was there when I was 40.

[C]

He might be back pretty soon. If we're being honest. Things ain't going great for the big dog.

[A]

Things ain't going great.

[B]

She don't make no cobbler, I'll tell you that.

[C]

Ain't no gentleman's farm down there either.

[B]

You're a great cook, Patty. I love you.

[C]

Did you that. The move back in his 30? Yeah, right. DUI's already happened.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. So you're like, this is. This is crashing out.

[A]

Oh, I've got.

[C]

Did you go back into the same room?

[A]

No, no, no. Basement, sunroom.

[C]

Sunroom, yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

5.

[A]

5Am Just every. I mean, every life.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

90 degrees outside. 340 in the sunroom.

[B]

You're living in a greenhouse.

[A]

I. Well, I just held Bagel Bites in my hand and watched him sizzle.

[C]

Wait, why they. Why not? Did they not want.

[A]

Was that like they'd already moved on with their life?

[C]

I mean, the two younger. The two younger siblings.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Can't move the computer room.

[A]

My sister, she's still at home when I come back for all this, and she's just in shock. I mean, you know, it was. It was wild. It was. That was for sure the lowest point, but that was the turning point. That's kind of like when I was like. No. Yeah, yeah. Because I would not be, you know, long, very, very long story short. I would not be a comedian or chasing this dream or have any of the edge that I've got if I did not just have my face buried in the dirt.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

I understandable.

[A]

Changed how I look at everything.

[B]

Yeah, we know right where what you're talking about, brother. That's fantastic.

[C]

Holy.

[B]

Were you in a bed in the sunroom?

[A]

Yeah, I had a bed in there.

[B]

So it wasn't really a functioning sunro. Once you got in there, that was kind of like, all right.

[A]

It was like the guest room already. Yeah.

[D]

Okay.

[C]

Okay. So it was quasi a bedroom.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But let's talk about that for a second.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your parents had a guest room in the sun room.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So like if an aunt or an uncle or a family friend came to stay.

[C]

Gotta get in a microwave.

[A]

What the fuck is that? I mean, I told you we lived in a small house. The sun room was an addition. We added on.

[B]

Very nice.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, before that it was like a birdhouse with a bath. I mean, it was tiny.

[C]

Damn.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Okay, then.

[B]

No car.

[A]

No car.

[B]

So what?

[A]

They wouldn't let me go. And like, nobody was. My parents were completely done with me at this point. They were done. They were done, like, not like being like, you know, nasty to my face. It's just. No more favors, right? No more money.

[C]

Yeah. You wore out your wall.

[A]

No more, you know, no more giving you a rides to places.

[B]

So what were you doing?

[A]

I was just in there plotting my revenge. And you know what's so crazy? I feel this connection with you. It's so crazy to be plotting your revenge in a situation you created, but it still works.

[C]

And you got no resources at the time.

[A]

It still works.

[B]

That's my whole life.

[A]

I am mad at the world. I have created all these problems. But you will pay for it. And I don't know who who you is, but when I find you, I.

[B]

Will have my vengeance on Derek Stroop at some point. Mom Bagel Bites.

[C]

What a. Wow.

[B]

This really could have took a hard left turn. I'm glad you became a comedian. Yeah.

[A]

Son of a.

[C]

Manifesto.

[B]

What?

[C]

When you're asking them for when. When you're asking them for money.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

What. What is someone I asked. I had to ask my mother for money. Well into probably about four years ago until this popped off.

[B]

I just owed my mom, 400. I swear to God, I just gave it back to her.

[C]

What? That's crazy. That's crazy. We're nationally touring famous comedians. That's crazy.

[A]

I agree.

[C]

I agree.

[B]

I don't have access to some account.

[C]

He keeps saying that, and I don't know what it means. Our business manager doesn't know what it means.

[B]

Venmo's playing hardball with me. Hey, I'm not a trial here. God damn it.

[C]

A little bit. What are the denominations you're asking? Yeah, like, are you going. Let me get 40. 20. Like, let me get 20 bucks just. Just to make it through the day. You're like, let me get a pack of C. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

What's the 24? What do we think?

[A]

What's just. I mean, at the time. I think I was smoking cigarettes at the time.

[C]

What brand, if you don't mind me.

[A]

Asking, what are you going to do? Parliament.

[C]

Parliaments. The blue ones?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why?

[B]

You out of your mind?

[A]

Come on, man.

[C]

We're talking. What. How old are you?

[A]

There's layers to me. 41. Yeah.

[C]

So we're talking early 2000s.

[B]

Parliament. Sunroom, no license. Massage therapy.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

2010.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

2012. Something.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Still, P Funk. Parliament Light is a very enjoyable cigarette, that.

[B]

Thank you. I bottomed out.

[A]

I just did it for a couple years.

[B]

I bottomed out at 32. That's when I moved to Philly to start comedy. So, yeah, that's when I. I was. I was. I was back at my mom's for. For a minute and then on my friend's couch for.

[C]

Back at your mom.

[A]

Let me tell you, though, and you know this because, I mean, that. That's a shared experience. Let me tell you, a comedian that's lost everything or somebody that's starting comedy that's lost everything, is a dangerous person. Because you're not going to scare me. Me, there's not a set that I get that's going to shake me up. I've lost everything. I'm doing this just so I can convince myself that this is all worth still doing out here. Living like I'm. I can just remember getting to Denver and thinking, if all these other people got two DUIs, lost all their money in their cars and their parents trust, they'd be riding a little sharper, too.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. They'd be hitting that late open mic.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I wasn't doing it because I was trying to scratch a creative itch. And I just want to be Heard. I just want to try it. No, man, I've burned it all down. I'm gonna have to build this back one brick at a time. And it's starting here at the lines. Layer at midnight.

[B]

This is plan B. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're live.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. That's like when we moved up here. I mean, we were gun. I was on. I was on a food. Not a food time. It was a couch that folded right onto the floor. Like, just like the. It was like an Ikea. A love seat. Yeah, that all went on. The pad was like this. And I mean, I slept on the floor of my Buddy's apartment for 10 months. I don't even. I don't even know how long. And then I moved. I got a room and then his sister moved in and I was like back on the floor. So it was like. It was all that. He was sleeping under a kitchen table at our buddy's house for a handful of months.

[B]

It was an IKEA table. It was nice.

[C]

Yeah. So it's just like when you're like, I'm not very well. I'm not here to express myself. I am. Here. I am. I got shit I gotta get done.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I got nothing. Nothing left.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is it.

[B]

Kevin, I want to talk to you about Ridge wallet. Oh yeah?

[C]

What do you want to tell me about Ridge wallet there, buddy?

[B]

What I'll tell you about that is they got that airtag on there, that Ridge airtag that lets you know that you have your wallet. Because I'm always. Did I lose my wallet? Is my wallet here? Do I have my wallet? Now I don't got to worry about it because I got my Ridge wallet airtag, baby. You know what I'm saying? Ridge isn't just about wallets. They create premium everyday carry essentials like key cases, suitcases, rings, all built same sleek, durable design.

[C]

Yeah, if you got anxiety about losing your wallet, your kid, whatever, you know. Oh my God, where's this. Where's the only times I've been in a cab with the big man on my way to the airport, he goes, I think I left my wallet in a hotel room.

[B]

Not no more.

[C]

You gotta pull. Not no more. Rich wild airtag, Ridge wild. Airtag. Bada bang. You should put one on your brain because you're losing your mind. Okay, Nothing on that. No matter what you pick. Ridge has free shipping, baby. A 99 day risk, free trial and a lifetime warranty on all of their products. Is there a good company company they care about hard working people that's what they do right now for a limited time. Our listeners. Listeners of Are you garbage? You get 10 off at Ridge by using code AYG at checkout. Just head to ridge.com, use the code AYG and you're all set, baby. After you purchase, they're gonna ask you how you heard about. Hey, how'd you hear about the product? Tell them. Say the boy Semi. Are you garbage? Kippy Foley, new guy. Look, send me over Ayg. We love you.

[B]

Yeah, Kevin's talking about Chime Chime Chime Chime. Chime is changing the way people bank. Fee free and smarter banking built for you. Not like old school banks that charge you overdraft fees and monthly fees. I've been a victim of that a couple of times. We're talking about banking built for you. Not the 1 percenters out there, the hard working people of this country.

[C]

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[E]

Chime is a financial technology company, not a bank. Banking services A secured Chime Visa credit card and MyPay line of credit provided by the Bancor Bank NA or Stride Bank NA. MyPay eligibility requirements apply and credit limit ranges $20 to $500. Optional services and products may have fees or charges. See chime.com fees info advertised annual percentage yield with Chime+status only. Otherwise 1.00% APY applies. No min balance required. CHIME card on time payment history may have impact on your credit score. Results may vary. See chime.com for details and applicable terms.

[A]

And also, when you've hit rock bottom like that. I was just making me think about you being there 10 months. I, I also. People should have these experiences. Cuz I know who my boys are.

[C]

Oh dude.

[A]

I know who just boys are.

[C]

I was just.

[A]

I got, I got no doubt in these three or four men that are in my life. They are my boys. Because when I was down, down, down. Had nothing to offer them but my friendship. It was plenty to them. Everybody else. If you've never seen the darkness, you got this golfing putty you've had for 20 years. If you've never had any tension or had this guy need you to give you a ride somewhere or him be like, hey, I got, man, I, I know my boys.

[C]

Yeah. I got five or six boys that. It's like you have, they have car block. They could call me and be like, you gotta drive to California right now. And I'd go, I am so indebted to you with.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

An amount of money I cannot pay back.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Am I one of those guys?

[A]

What?

[C]

We'll be right back.

[B]

I'd like.

[C]

No. We were, we were in it together. What are you talking about? I mean. But at the same time, there was times where like my cell phone would get shut off.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I'd have no money. And like, I'd call him, he'd have 40 bucks. He was, he was waiting table. So he had access to cash.

[A]

That was the best I had.

[C]

I had like a corporate. Not corporate. I had like an office job. So mine was every two weeks. So he would get cash and I'd be like. If he had 40 bucks, he gave me 20 bucks.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I juiced the out of him.

[C]

Yeah, I know. Never let me live in town either. But he still owes me 15.

[B]

I don't say nothing.

[C]

You need those guys in your, in your corner.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

All right. Holy. He's a very dangerous man.

[C]

Very deep and profound as well. All right, so you get to, you get to Denver.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Jesus Christ. You're 31, 32. Whatever.

[B]

The high ground, literally.

[C]

You retreat to high ground.

[A]

Literally. Let the heat wear off, kill this thing. That is true. That's great. Maybe a little van coming from here.

[C]

Listen, if they Want to get me? They're gonna have to try. You know what I mean? They gotta come up.

[B]

I can see this Derek Stroop coming from here, trying to destroy me.

[A]

Hey, Colorado is a great escape state. I wasn't the only one.

[C]

There's tons of cowboy. Very cowboy.

[A]

Well, that and just people can go there. Nobody really cares, like, where you came from, what you're doing there. It's. It's. It's a very. People start over there a lot, and.

[B]

They say if the Ever really hit the fan, that's. That's. I mean. Yeah, that's one of the holdups.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

If there's a flood, that's. You know, it's the high ground.

[A]

That is. That is okay.

[C]

All right, so you get there. What's that? We're getting real talking. What the.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[C]

Yeah, it is. We're on the same page.

[B]

Tunnels under the airport. We're all losing it.

[C]

Get a slice of pizza.

[A]

Relax.

[C]

It's great. What's that look like? What's that? You know, just live in situation early on.

[B]

Any friends? Did you know anybody?

[C]

And why. Oh, Denver. Was the. Was the massage therapist?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, she was up there.

[C]

Started comedy at this point, a little bit.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You're in it. Yeah, yeah, I've done it. I'd never, like. Like, been in a scene or anything. I was doing some shows in Alabama bars, whatever. Yeah, yeah, just like. But never been to a open mic. Had never been in a scene. I was just really shooting from the hip Alabama.

[C]

There's.

[A]

There was no real thing going on at the time. And then so I joined the comedy scene in Denver. And I mean, great scene. Yeah, it was great. I did two open mics, and then I quit for eight months because I just couldn't wrap my head around having to tell a joke in three to four minutes. Because when I was in Alabama, I would just get up and I could talk for as long as I wanted to, you know, because I was doing it at the bar that I ran. Excuse me? In Alabama, I was the general manager of a bar. I'd put myself up. I'd take a bunch of Jaeger bombs, shoot some Evan Williams, do 45 minutes of just ranting. Never been to a mic or met a comedian. I was just trying to. You know, I was like, if I hear Wagon Wheel one more time, I'm gonna kill myself.

[B]

Great song.

[A]

So I just made up my own entertainment. So when I came to Denver, I had. I. I learned some lessons really quick. Kind of got my feelings hurt. Had to go back and regroup, did the same thing, and then I came. When I came back, I was like, all right, you know what to expect. You're gonna get hit in the mouth here, but you know what to expect. And then, you know, the rest is history.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

How'd you meet the massage therapist again?

[A]

In college, like. Oh, you knew her from college in Jacksonville?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

All right, so you knew her from college?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then what, you reconnected a little bit or.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

We were, like, off and on for.

[B]

A long time, and she's like, I'm in Denver now.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Becoming a massage therapist.

[C]

Right?

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Why don't you come up here?

[A]

Yeah. She was like, I think you'll like it. You know?

[B]

And you moved in with her? Her.

[D]

Yep.

[A]

Her and, like, I mean, you know, like three other roommates that you meet off Craigslist. It was a.

[B]

Was she already up there?

[A]

Handbag of people.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And she was with the roommates?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They were all. I mean.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You got. You moved into her room?

[D]

Yeah, Yep.

[B]

So you were a guy staying in one of the roommates rooms?

[C]

Yes.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I mean, it was a house that. Where they were, like, renting out rooms, essentially. This was like the first six months that I lived there and then got a place downtown after that, and I lived there. For the.

[B]

With you and her?

[A]

Yeah, for just a little bit. And then we separated. Gotcha. I'm married to a totally different woman.

[C]

Totally. I've never heard anybody say totally different. Yeah, like, you know, just to just. Just to create that distance. Nothing like the massage therapy.

[A]

Nothing to a totally different woman.

[C]

She doesn't have roommates or anything.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

That's.

[B]

All right.

[C]

What are you doing for money at this time?

[A]

I got a job at Sports Authority when I first moved there, and I didn't. I didn't even have. My license. Wasn't valid at the. At this time because it was still.

[C]

Are you driving?

[A]

No, not driving. So I go to Sports Authority. I ubered there. And I mean, the lady. I don't have a. I don't have an id, you know, that's valid, a valid driver's license. She has to really, like, work with the company to get me the job, but I interviewed, so.

[C]

Well, I got a loud guy down here. Yeah.

[A]

I got this guy from Alabama.

[C]

He's got no id.

[B]

I don't know what it is, but we need him on the team.

[C]

He can move hockey sticks.

[A]

That's what happened? They were like, like, we gotta have him. And so that's. And then after that, I worked at Big Lots.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You worked at a big lot.

[C]

Cashier. What'd you do?

[A]

I was the furniture manager and one of the best in the state. My man. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Smack you.

[C]

I know.

[A]

Slanging. Slanging. Ashley Furniture.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

Ashley Furniture.

[B]

I don't have a lot of experience with the Big Lots, but I like it.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It's not, it's not around anymore, but there's none. Yeah, I think there's, I mean, there might be. Hanging on, but they're bankrupt. They're going out of business for sure.

[B]

My kind of place.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. Now where, Now's where we pounce.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

You know. Jesus Christ. I, I mean, where do you. I don't even, you know, how do you pivot for that?

[B]

Let's, let's talk about now. Let's talk about now.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

A little bit.

[C]

I got, Before I got, I got some, just some, Just nowhere to go. I know what the. I got some overarching, you know, just, you know, some, some touch points that we do with every guest. How old were you when you got your passport?

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I got my passport when I was.

[B]

What do you think this is?

[A]

38.

[C]

38.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Where we go to Montreal. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

You already know.

[C]

That's not a dirt bag comic. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah, I love it.

[C]

Respect.

[B]

38. What was the first time you had Nutella?

[A]

Probably like five years ago.

[C]

Yeah, I want to get a space.

[A]

It's not for me.

[B]

Why is it not for you?

[A]

Yeah, I don't love it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. It's too European for you.

[B]

Are you a peanut butter man?

[A]

Oh, my God. I got some on me right now.

[C]

What brand you banging with?

[A]

I mean, Jif. And I like. And I want crunchy.

[B]

You crunchy guy.

[A]

Yeah. Extra crunchy. I, I, I wish I could put my. I'll add some extra. I love peanuts. I eat them all the time. I like peanuts in a shell. I'll just stand on my patio and just, just knock them down like I'm at a ball game.

[B]

Wait, with the.

[A]

Not, not take them out of the shell.

[B]

You like boiled peanuts, I assume.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Southern man.

[A]

I love them.

[B]

Very nice. Chunky peanut butter. What's the jelly? Strawberry. Are you a great man?

[A]

We can mix it up. Okay. I'll try a few different. I like orange. I like grape. I like strawberry. I like BlackBerry. We can, you know, let me tell you. Apple butter. Apple Butter. Y' all had apple butter?

[C]

I'm not well versed.

[A]

Oh, man. My grandmother makes it homemade. That stuff. I mean, it'll turn you upside down.

[B]

Were you knocking out some jams and jellies back on the. Back on the gentleman's farm? I assume not you.

[A]

But no, they were. We didn't really. We mainly just, like, froze or canned the. The fruits or vegetables. And my parents. I mean, they would really make cobblers and different, but apple butter is something that my family's always made.

[B]

Yeah. God damn it, that's good.

[C]

Have you ever ordered a soda with no ice?

[A]

No, no. I've poured it that way at my house before, but I would not order.

[C]

Okay. What is the go to soda?

[A]

I'm gonna have Diet Coke. I mean, in a perfect world. World, you know, when you. I. There's a lot of things I would do if I didn't care about living.

[B]

As a younger man.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I'll smoke a Mountain Dew.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I'll smoke once.

[B]

Are you a Dr. Pepper guy?

[A]

No.

[C]

What?

[A]

I'm not a Dr. Pepper guy at all.

[B]

Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I'll have it sometimes, but.

[C]

Fascinating.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I mean, it's always. Are you a Dr. Pepper guy?

[B]

Of course.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I can tell by your reaction. I can just see the stockpile in your home. Dr. Pepper People buy it like the government's gonna take it from them.

[B]

So. Mr. Pibs.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I like Mr. Pibb better than Dr. Pepper.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Preferably.

[B]

All right.

[A]

You know, fountain water.

[B]

Yeah. Chipotle to do the Mr. Pibs extra.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Are you a big ice guy? Would you say. Do you like.

[D]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Fill the cup up.

[A]

I love some ice. All right.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Love, love some ice.

[B]

Crush. Crushed. You crushed ice guy.

[A]

Yeah, I prefer. But I would like the, Like, Sonic ice.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

The pellets with you.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Ice.

[C]

They sell the. Who was it? Heather McMahon has the thing. It's like a. Like 100 bucks or something you can get on Amazon. And it makes that ice countertop.

[A]

That is. That is incredible.

[B]

Are you biting your nails or do you clip them?

[A]

Gosh, both. It just depends on how the ball game's going.

[B]

Where do you put. Who's your team?

[A]

I got a few of them. I'm a big Nuggets fan, first of all.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I'm a lifelong Commanders fan as well, so. Okay. Those would be the two that would stress me out the most. And I'm a West Virginia Mountaineers fan.

[C]

Fan.

[B]

Gentlemen, I respect that. Are you a baseball guy at all?

[A]

Yeah, but I like it live. And I like ballparks almost more than I like the game.

[B]

Yeah, very interesting. I respect that.

[C]

Who's your baseball team?

[A]

I grew up a Braves fan. I also got a lot of love for the Rockies because I. I lived like six blocks from the field. And I mean, no humidity. It was a great ballpark. Field's great.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm with you.

[C]

All right. Have you ever checked into a hotel with your own cooler?

[A]

No. No.

[B]

When you're at a hotel, will you swim in the pool?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Will you worry if you have a suit on you or not? Pair of shorts work.

[A]

Yeah, pair of shorts works.

[B]

Cool. When you walk back to the room, you put in your flip flops on or you walk through the hotel.

[A]

I'm barefoot. I'm putting my flip flops back on.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You're just gonna have to deal with.

[C]

The average dogs if you're. The lobby. It's crazy. I've never seen anything shirtless. Hold shirtless. A pair of trunks, no shoes, and just hold. Talk to you if you're in a lobby, he'll go, hey, you want to. What room are you in? You guys want to pop down for breakfast?

[A]

Smell the days in.

[C]

He's walking through. Yeah, yeah, it was.

[B]

Do you like a hotel breakfast at a. At a two, three star hotel?

[A]

Not really. I mean, I'll try to fight through it. You know, I. I tried to yesterday, and it's just. It's just not worth it. I would rather, much rather go to the airport and eat a McDonald's breakfast. Much rather respect that.

[C]

We're big air. We're big breakfast at the airport.

[A]

Oh, I'm big fast food at the airport. I think it's a better pro, like Burger King. Great product, bad company. But if you can get them in an airport, they're trap them.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Now. Now you got them where you want them. Now the food's coming through pretty quick. You're going to get a whopper you like you had back in the 90s, the ones that we really fell in love with. But anyway, I'm with y' all on that.

[B]

All right, I respect that. What would be your normal Go to fast food outside of the airport.

[A]

Outside of the airport if I had to go fast food.

[B]

And do we.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Are you trying to stay away from that?

[A]

What is it?

[B]

You're trying to stay away from that these days?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I. I tried to, but I'm much more of a diner Guy, I would much, much rather you like.

[C]

A Waffle House New York.

[A]

Do I like a Waffle House?

[C]

No, no.

[A]

I love, I think, Waffle House. The Anthony Bourdain episode where he goes to a Waffle House. I want to play it at my funeral.

[C]

Wow. Yeah. I've ever seen it.

[A]

Oh, you got to see it. Because he tells every. It's the best. I'm a huge Waffle House fan. I wish there was some. I mean, in New York City, they'd burn to the ground.

[C]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But I do love them.

[C]

What. What's your go to at a. At a Waffle House?

[A]

I'm going to get probably the Allstar, and I'm going to get a pecan waffle. I'm going to do my eggs over easy. I'll probably choose sausage and bacon. Yeah, yeah. Eggs. Did I say scrambled with cheese. Respect.

[B]

You said over easy.

[A]

Okay. Two different types.

[C]

Doubling up on the eggies.

[A]

No, I was thinking I do go both ways, but, like, when I have a waffle, I like my eggs to be runny because I run a combo with the runny eggs and the waffle. But, yeah, yeah, that's probably what. I'll go with the pecan waffle at Waffle House. You got to try it. If you never. I find out a lot of Northeastern guys have never had a pecan waffle. And it can really.

[C]

We didn hit Waffle House, so we were. I mean, we were on tour probably three years ago, and now it's like we stop. Yeah.

[A]

It's a very consistent meal, too.

[C]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's fast.

[C]

Fast. And they're right there. You walk in, you smell it, the guy's cooking it.

[B]

He's cooking it right there.

[C]

And it's one guy, and he's. He's handling like, 75 orders, and he looks like he's gonna it up, and he don't. It's out. It's crazy.

[A]

It's crazy.

[C]

You hear them yelling out the orders, and I'm like, this guy's. There's no chance. This fucking guy's got this no face.

[A]

Tattoo with an ankle bracelet on. Making eggs fluffier than Gordon Rams Ramsay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's crazy.

[B]

I don't know what it is. Ex addicts, ex cons, man. They know how to work a griddle. Okay? Shout out to them. That's who you want doing the eggs.

[A]

You really do, huh?

[C]

Anyone in your family smoke a pipe?

[A]

Smoke a pipe?

[C]

No.

[A]

Nobody smokes a pipe.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Did you do prom?

[A]

I did Just my senior year.

[B]

Okay. Did you go with friends or did you go with a lady?

[A]

I went with a lady.

[B]

How'd you get there?

[A]

We took a limo.

[C]

Very nice. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is like a group of us. Yeah. But we did go to a separate restaurant, me and my date. This is very on brand for me because the restaurant everybody chose was not where I wanted to go.

[B]

Wait, you went out to eat before the prom?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, we did.

[C]

Huh?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Or yeah, before. Yeah, sure, maybe it is. But yeah, we all went out to eat before. You have go out to eat for prom dinner. And they went to. I can't remember where they went to, but I went to a place called Landry Seafood because I wanted to. To use my parents money to get crab legs.

[C]

Landry Seafood?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

In Huntsville, Alabama.

[A]

That's right.

[C]

That's pretty good. I assume you're a seafood guy.

[D]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Not. Not fish. I love all shellfish, like crabs, oysters, lobster, clams, mussels, anything that's in a shell. I don't like real fishy stuff. I'll eat a grouper sandwich, but yeah.

[C]

If you twist my horn.

[A]

Yeah, if y' all had a group of sand sandwich, it's a little fluffier. Mild fish, but on the Gulf coast, go down to Pensacola, get you a grouper sandwich, you know, Start up a conversation with a guy with no sleeves on.

[C]

Uhhuh.

[B]

Oyster man.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we're on the half shell. Yeah, we're all in the half shell.

[A]

Oh, and I'll do them baked too, you know, I mean, Rockefeller.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I can go both ways. Back when I was drinking. Come on, man. Raw oysters with a nice cold beer. Just let me sit here forever.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

My God, if I just didn't get up and drive every time.

[B]

Any pets now?

[A]

No, man, but I had a cat for a long time that I talk about on stage that I loved dearly.

[B]

Passed away.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm sorry, bud.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

What was the first car for you? We don't think we touched on it.

[A]

I had a Toyota Camry. A 98 Toyota Cam.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

That's a nice whip right there.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, pretty good to you guys. I. I dreamed of a truck my whole life. And then I got this.

[C]

What was the first concert you attended?

[A]

The first concert I ever went to. Oh, no. Was with my mom. Just me and her, and it was Billy Ray Cyrus.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

In Charleston, West Virginia, at the regatta that they have down by the river. Yeah, man. And she was so pumped. I can remember I was probably like 6, 7 years old. And I mean, we. We sang Achy Breaky Heart at the top of our lungs.

[C]

That's a. Billy.

[A]

Billy Ray was on. On fire. This was like 1990.

[C]

The height of it, the.

[A]

I mean, the absolute. He came out and shook his hair and I mean. Yeah, my mom had. Was having another kid. It's crazy.

[B]

That guy had a. Ass on him.

[C]

Back in the day, too.

[B]

That's fantastic.

[C]

I've heard.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You're married now.

[A]

Yeah, I am.

[B]

Right. Where did you guys get married?

[A]

Pensacola, Florida.

[B]

You got married at the Grouper.

[C]

I had no sleeves on.

[B]

I was wondering what the hell you were doing down there.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Or how you got down there.

[C]

Where. What was the. What was the venue?

[A]

We were on the Beach. There's like 20 of us, 25 of us. Nice, small, like. Yeah, it was very pretty. Lots of flowers. Intimate thing. My family, her family. We stayed there for the week and then got married at the end of the week. It was great.

[C]

Very nice.

[B]

And how long ago was this?

[A]

How long we got married? May 11th, 7th of this year, 2025.

[C]

Excuse me.

[B]

Oh, very nice. All right, so newlyweds.

[C]

Was there any congratulations?

[B]

Congratulations.

[C]

Was there any honeymoon?

[A]

No, no honeymoon yet.

[B]

They were in Pensacola.

[A]

Yeah, we went to Dave and Busters twice.

[C]

Okay. Is there anything in the books of like, hey, in two years we'll go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, we. We talk about it. I mean, where's my.

[B]

My.

[A]

Greece is where we would like.

[C]

Very nice.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's where she really, really wants to go, so. Yeah, we've talked about it.

[C]

Doesn't sound like you really, really want to go there.

[A]

Yeah, it's all right. I'm just a little nervous about, you know, I guess, that long of travel. I don't know. Even though I fly more than pilots do. I mean, sure, okay.

[C]

Speaking of flying, you do name brand luggage or what are you banging?

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I got a swami. Swami Samson.

[C]

Come on.

[B]

It's good at the. You eat cereal still or.

[A]

No kidding me.

[B]

Do you have it on top of the refrigerator at the house?

[A]

No, if there was space, I would.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

There's a cabinet above it that doesn't. The way it's layered. It's where I put my medicine.

[B]

You mean like your pills and stuff?

[C]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's trashy too. I like that. That's trashy too. I never thought about that before.

[A]

I grab this bacon. I better do the blood pressure.

[B]

Yeah. The pills in the kitchen. Kitchen. Same way. I love it. What are the. What? Boxes of cereal are in the house right now.

[A]

I've got Frosted Mini Wheats and Honey Nut Cheerios.

[B]

Whoa, I gotta give you classy on that one. Like a gentleman.

[C]

Yeah, that's two solid adult. Those are adult cereals.

[B]

What milk are you banging, please?

[A]

I do whole milk.

[B]

Good man.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Good man.

[C]

You're doing a gallon or half a gallon.

[A]

I don't know why, but a half a gallon every time.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know what it is.

[C]

It's a little less indulgent things.

[A]

I hate carrying things more than anything in the world. I hate carrying anything.

[B]

So anyways, yeah, everyone a keyboard, you know, Casio.

[A]

Ever have I ever wet a keyboard?

[B]

Owned one.

[A]

No. No.

[C]

Have you ever?

[B]

Okay, no, go ahead.

[C]

Sorry. When you were back when you were smoking, would you ever get into the car with a lit cigarette?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I assume you would eat in the car as well.

[A]

Well, yeah, yeah, I'll eat in the car. I mean, I. I can. How? I mean it's like a magic trick. I can truly just house things. Like sometimes I don't even know if it really happened.

[B]

What's the vacuum?

[C]

Just got the trash. Did they even give me a sandwich? Was this empty?

[A]

They just hand me with an empty bag. I look at my wife, I go again.

[B]

Who's to say what's the vacuum cleaner at the house right now? You got a Dyson, what do you got? You got a shark?

[A]

Shark. I got a shark.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, still in the box.

[B]

What do you bet?

[A]

It's great.

[B]

Did you just move in?

[A]

No, no. Moved in a year ago. It's just. Hasn't. We haven't taken it out. My wife's just been sweeping and. And then I'll. I'll sweep sometimes. But. Yeah, we haven't. We haven't really dug in. I think we got it for Christmas.

[B]

Maybe still in the.

[C]

Oh, that makes sense.

[A]

It's all wood in there.

[C]

Sure, sure, it's all wood in there. Sure. Talking about it like it's a.

[A]

When I walk barefoot, I get my.

[C]

Most of it. If I squeeze my toes together, I get most of the crumbs.

[B]

Let's go a couple old school cues. You. You pee in the shower?

[A]

Yeah, for sure.

[B]

You brush your teeth in there?

[A]

Oh yeah, for sure.

[B]

Is your toothbrush in the shower?

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I reach out onto the sink.

[B]

Gentleman, gentlemen. Okay.

[C]

Will you pee in a pool?

[A]

Depends on the amount of people that are around me. Like if it's like just packed with people, I. I'll have a little bit of a conscience.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

But I, I. Yeah, I'll pee in a pool.

[C]

You're yourself at a Ramada.

[A]

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. I don't even get in to pee in it.

[C]

I do it from the chair. Yeah.

[B]

If you dribble a little bit on the toilet seat as you're. As you're peeing. Yeah, we do a little. You got your socks on. Will you give it a little. Little wipe or no?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

[B]

Do a little.

[A]

I always wipe.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

How if. Now, let's say you, you know, you got to do number two. It's an away game, you're out, you're on the road, whatever. Are you doing anything to the public toilet seat to clean it? Are you. Are you laying it down? You're wiping. Eyeballing it. What?

[A]

Carry the United hand wipes on me, the little, like, blue square packet United hand wipes, like these little sanitizers.

[B]

You mean from the airline company?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

They pass them out. And I fly United all the time.

[C]

You're United, man.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Interesting.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

And you save them.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, And I'll save them, and I use them for public toilets if I like. I travel with.

[C]

You got them in your bag?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So I will wipe down the toilet, and then. And then I'll sit down with just all the confidence.

[C]

Barebacking.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Long way from that sun room, huh? Yeah. This guy, United Wipes.

[C]

Have you ever owned a butterfly knife or a switchblade?

[A]

No.

[B]

Chinese star.

[A]

Love the restaurant, Huh?

[B]

Give me one poster that was on your wall as it came, kid.

[A]

One poster that was on the wall as a kid. Let me think. Probably be. I wasn't a poster guy, man. So this is a struggle for me. Brett Favre, I'll give you that.

[C]

Good one, Farve.

[B]

Very nice.

[C]

You know how to use chopsticks?

[A]

I do. My wife had to do. Had to fix that.

[C]

Okay. Are you confident with it? Are you still.

[A]

No, I'm. I'm confident. Okay, now?

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

How do you get the steak cooked?

[A]

Medium, rich rare.

[B]

Gentlemen.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You can't make it. I mean, I'd be more mad if you went more the. The medium direction than the rare direction.

[B]

Okay. What about the burger?

[A]

Medium's fine.

[B]

Medium's fine.

[C]

We were talking before we started, we were talking about steakhouses a little bit. You see, you go. You'll go to Del Frisco's for, like, a celebration or a nice steak. What's that? What's that whole order looking like? What's the appetizer what's the drink? What's the, you know, what's the steak?

[A]

Usually for the appetizer, I'll go like scallops or shrimp. I like to do like a seafood appetizer. Very nice. Maybe both. And then I'm gonna do a rib eye. Bone in is what I'd prefer. But I don't want the biggest one. Sometimes I see a 20 ounce steak or something. I'm like, who's this for, man?

[C]

It's wild.

[A]

I'm a sides guy. You know what I mean? I'm a sides guy.

[C]

Listen, this is our theory. Most New York steakhouses all can throw out a solid. The steak's not going to be that big of a variant.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

The sides and the vibes of the place.

[A]

That's exactly right.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So, so, you know, a 12 ounce bone in or something. Maybe a 14 ounce ribeye. And then my sides, I mean, I, I'll go over the top with it. I'll do some creamed spinach. We can do some mashed potatoes. And you know, I don't know what the third one might be. Oh, Caesar salad. Always, always, always a Caesar salad. Love them, love them. So, yeah.

[C]

Okay. Yeah. Very well played.

[B]

I mean, it's like he's one of us.

[C]

I know, it's crazy. He's a southern combination of me and you. It's wild. He's in between us. Size wise, it's very, it's very crazy. Have we ever started an ru garbage Southern fraction? He would, he would be the guy.

[B]

He's talking about the seas.

[C]

I know. Big sides guy. We've said for a long time we're big sides guy.

[B]

I love that, those, those apps that you get. You're out with the boys or maybe you're out with the missus. You're sharing the apps, right? You're, you're, you're, you're a solo apps guy.

[A]

No, no, no, I'm sharing the apps. I love to share. Like, I love. I'm a taste this. You're not going to believe it. I'm. You got to have a bite of that.

[C]

Spread the wealth.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Now if you go to a restaurant, will you ask for, you get side of the table you don't like? Will you ask for a different table?

[A]

No, no. But they're always trying to put me at the bar and I like to sit at tables. I do have that preference. Okay. And I'm not. And I'm not a booth guy either because I don't need to know how Big. I am. I know. No. So I don't need the table trying to cut me in half, which is.

[C]

My one critique of the Waffle House.

[A]

Small booths, small boots, for sure.

[B]

For such a larger gentleman's culture.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

For the clientele.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, I get that.

[B]

Yeah. Are you a cologne guy?

[A]

Big time.

[B]

What do you like?

[A]

Big time. Been a cologne guy my entire life. I mean, my favorite cologne ever was discontinued, and it was like losing an old friend. It was called. Called Intuition by Estee Lauder. And I still have a little bit crazy. I still have a little bit laying around that I'll sprinkle every once in a while on myself. I'm really trying to get an elevator going.

[C]

I don't think I've ever seen that.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. That's your Intuition is your favorite.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. Yeah, there it is. And then Dolce Gabbana, the one is what I wear most of the time, but I wear cologne to take out the trash. I'm a big time cologne guy.

[B]

I like it. I like it. Where do you go with that? You go wrist, wrist, wrist?

[A]

No, I don't do any wrists. I go. I go two, two on each side.

[B]

Is this after the shirt's on or before the shirt's on?

[A]

After the shirt's on.

[B]

After the shirt's on.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And I go a little heavy on the cologne at first because. Not unless it's a 600 cologne. You're gonna lose a little bit of that on the subway.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I like it too.

[B]

I'm a big cologne guy.

[C]

What kind of deodorant you banging with?

[A]

I do the Fiji scented. Old Spice. The white.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, yeah, yeah.

[C]

Now when you're putting it on, you're, you know, not. Not casting. You're a larger gentleman as well. Do you put the shirt on first, then the. Then the deodorant or the deodorant, then the shirt?

[A]

Deodorant, then the shirt. But that can be tough sometimes because then. Then somebody's like, hey, you got. You got white stuff going down the side of your shirt. And then I play back to when I was wrestling with my T shirt. Yeah. But yeah, that's. I do deodorant first.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

As a bigger guy. Bigger guy. You've done the pop out on the shirt as you're putting it on. You do the stretch out.

[A]

Oh, oh, yeah. Well, dog, I'll put it over my knees and squat down. I mean, I stand up. It looks like a blouse. Yeah, that's what I'm trying to do.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know why I'm still keeping score.

[C]

I mean, dude, we were three minutes in at the West Virginia to Alabama is when I had them pegged.

[A]

What?

[C]

What? Do you own any suits? How many suits do you own?

[A]

I own one suit. I've only bought one suit in my life. That was for. I did a CBS spot for Nate Bargetti in his Christmas special. Nice. Last year.

[C]

Okay. Does it still fit?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. It fit that day. I was like a UFC wrestler. I was in there biting ice through a towel trying to make weight for this thing. Huh.

[C]

Can you tie a tie?

[A]

No, no, no. I can't tie.

[B]

Where'd you get the suit?

[A]

Is it a.

[B]

Like an expensive brand? Like a designer?

[A]

No, it's even worse. Wardrobe. Let me just take it home.

[C]

Oh, get the out of. Classy.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

Shout out to Bry.

[A]

That's awesome.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Have you ever worn a tuxedo?

[A]

Yeah, I have. Yeah. I was in.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

My court. No, no, no. I've been there. But a couple weddings, I wore tuxes.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I got one more and then I'm dying then, you know, I mean, do you have a Go to karaoke song?

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Devil Went down to Georgia.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Yeah. It gets the place going. But if you see me singing karaoke, you need to get me home.

[C]

Okay. We got bigger problems.

[D]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

I'm not. I haven't paid my tab, and I'm in trouble.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, well, you know. Derek Stroop, 100% pecan waffle covered garbage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Home run, bud.

[C]

My kind of trash, baby. I fucking love you, bud.

[A]

That was so fun.

[B]

I assume, Luke, you concur on this, man? What a home run of a story, buddy.

[C]

Appreciate you coming in.

[B]

Big congratulations on everything.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

You're killing it. We're so happy for you. One of the funniest out there. Special on Netflix. Coming to March.

[A]

Yeah, man.

[C]

Yeah. Plug any dates. This is coming out in a couple of days.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

I'll be in Kansas City February 20th and 21st. So that'll be. I'll be out on the road again. Thanks for having me. So much fun. It really was.

[B]

And we know you're local. You'll be coming back for sure, gang. If you don't know, check out Derek's troop. One of the funniest. Killing it, buddy. We love you. Thank you so much.

[C]

Thank you, man.

[B]

Kippy, what do you got for.

[C]

Guys, we're gearing up to go back on the road. Get your tickets to Tampa, Austin, Denver, Cleveland, a whole bunch. Everything's available online that these shows will sell out. We love you.

[B]

We'll see you next week.

[A]

Peace.