Disney Adults w/ Brendan Sagalow!

Summary

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Are You Garbage? – "Disney Adults w/ Brendan Sagalow!" (June 4, 2026)

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Brendan Sagalow (comedian, podcaster)
Theme: Comedian Brendan Sagalow is tested by Foley and Ryan to see if he’s truly "garbage" or a little bit classy—a hilarious deep-dive into personal habits, upbringing, musical tastes, tattoos, and family quirks.

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Episode Overview

This episode of Are You Garbage? is a lighthearted, rapid-fire examination of Brendan Sagalow’s upbringing, quirks, and lifestyle—mainly focused on what makes a person “garbage” (trashy, lovable, relatable). Sagalow—known for his standup, podcast, and musical tastes—joins the hosts for stories about his tattoos, dubious massages, childhood memories, and adulthood idiosyncrasies. Expect laughter, relentless self-deprecation, wild diversions, and classic “garbage” moments.

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Key Topics & Insights

1. Podcast Origins & Comedian Camaraderie

[02:00]

• Brendan reveals he also once hosted a podcast called "Garbage Days."
• Foley and Sagalow reminisce about starting out and not caring about potential naming conflicts.

“I literally… what did I say to you? I go, ‘we’re both gonna fail. Who cares?’” – Brendan [02:22]

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2. Hotel Tattoos & Early Signs of ‘Garbage’

[03:40]

• Brendan recently got a tattoo in a hotel room from a fan—establishing his “trash” credentials.
• Describes the low-rent feel of some venues: “had like things all over the walls… right above the bed said ‘sleep well’ or something like that. It was horrible.” – Brendan [04:39]
• Comic riffing on the classiness (or lack thereof) of getting tattoos on the road.

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3. Disney Adult or Not? Playlist Habits & Musical Taste

[06:50]

• Foley catches Brendan singing, first The Police, then the Hercules soundtrack; discussion about Disney “adulthood” ensues.
  • Brendan describes his annual personal playlist, the "Masturbation Compilation," filled with pop, musicals, and Disney songs: “the Hercules soundtrack is one of the best soundtracks in the world.” [07:13]
• Brendan denies being a “Disney adult,” but admits to loving Disney music at age 35.
• Admits to also enjoying Broadway tunes like "Book of Mormon" and South Park songs.

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4. Jewelry, Fake Bling, and Tattoos with (Living) Friends’ Names

[08:53]

• Brendan sports gold/silver bracelets, admits they’re “a couple hundred each,” and reveals:
  • A tattoo of his best friend Jacob—who is alive and healthy (“He does not have my name tattooed on him. No.” [10:13])
  • Getting this tattoo as part of a long-running joke, including a botched pirate hat design.

Quote:
“I got it when I was like 21… it’s faded to where it looks like old men who were in the Navy.” – Brendan [15:13]

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5. Long Island, High School Days, and Childhood Trashiness

[11:41]

• Story about a crossbow at Binghamton University.
• Emphasis on trashy, relatable 90s/2000s culture: slime, Maximum Magazine, FHM, etc.

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6. Adolescence: Babysitters, Blockbuster, and Video Games

[31:12]

• Babysitting by a Brooklyn woman named Alice; left to ride buses unsupervised [32:06].
• Devotion to Blockbuster and independent video stores; likely owes millions in late fees.
• Childhood gaming was N64, then Xbox and PlayStation—currently on PS5: “Right now I’m playing Resident Evil 9… it’s fucking terrifying.” [34:36]
• Still plays Pokémon Red and Candy Crush, ranks at “level 11,000.”

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7. Firsts: Concerts, Clubs, and Strip Clubs

• First concert: Beach Boys as a “baby” (frequent callback).
• First strip club was for a bachelor party, spent all night on lap dances; last one involved being sober around “big black asses up in my face.” [26:16]

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8. Early Work Experience: ‘Party Host’ to Janitor

[26:59]

• First job: birthday party host at a bowling alley at 14; demoted after a few months for not cleaning up—became janitor.
• Wild side story about a manager strangling a co-worker named Blaze.

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9. Massage Disasters, Accidental Jack Shacks, and "Classy" Indulgences

[39:05 & 44:25]

• Tells a graphic story about unwittingly getting a “happy ending” at a sketchy New York spa.
• Later tries to claim massages and steakhouses as classy behaviors, but his “classy steakhouse birthday” check was actually picked up by his dad ([72:27]).

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10. Family Quirks: Grown-Up Easter Egg Hunts

[61:03]

• Still does Easter egg hunts (with cash or coins in the eggs) as a nearly 35-year-old with his sister.
• “My dad comes up to do an Easter egg hunt, and then we get Chinese food. It’s just the four of you, yeah.” ([63:20])
• Half-Jewish, celebrates Easter and does Jewish traditions on Christmas for contrast.

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11. Trash or Class: Rapid-Fire ‘Garbage Test’

Throughout, the hosts dig into personal habits such as:

• Sleeping naked, even at hotels “[47:48]”
• Eating Kraft singles straight from the fridge “[67:01]”
• Favorite cheese: American (“I’m more of an American cheese guy.” [66:36])
• Collecting weird screen names as a kid (“Hot Dog 964,” “XPyro44X”) [52:57]
• Past graffiti exploits and ringback tones (Chingy’s "Holiday Inn"). [67:41]
• Family group chats, messy travel luggage, and more.

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Notable Quotes & Laugh-Out-Loud Moments

• On Tattooing a Friend’s Name

  “You have the tattoo of a man who’s still alive? That isn’t your father?” – Sage Foley [10:01]
  “He does not have my name tattooed on him. No.” – Brendan [10:12]

• On Modern “Disney Adult” Status

  “I’m not a Disney adult. Okay, you’re not. I like—I’m an adult. I like Disney and I’m 35.” – Brendan [08:08]

• On Low-Grade Massage Parlors

  “And what really tipped me off is when she jerked me off.” – Brendan [43:16]
  “She asked me to flip over, but by that time I was just seeing stars, kids.” – Brendan [45:08]

• On Family Easter Traditions

  “We still… Easter egg hunt? Yeah. At your house? At my house, yeah. My mom’s house, yeah.” – Brendan [61:11]
  “My dad comes up to do an Easter egg hunt, and then we get Chinese food. It’s just the four of you, yeah.” [63:20]
  “That might be the most garbage Jewish—No, he’s not. My dad is Jewish. Yeah, I’m half Jewish, just not Easter.” [63:41]

• On Childhood Gaming and Candy Crush

  “I play Candy Crush. I’m on level, like, 11,000. Also an old lady on Candy Crush.” – Brendan [36:09]

• On Being “Classy”

  “I love picking up the check. I can’t do it, but I love doing it… And I like picking it up and I roll it up and I throw it in the trash.” – Brendan [46:54]
  Soon after, Foley calls him out for never actually picking up the legendary steakhouse bill.

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Fun “Garbage” Segment Timestamps

• Show Start / Guest Intro: [00:27]
• Disney Songs & Playlists: [06:50]
• Friend’s Tattoo / Growing Up: [10:01–15:58]
• Bowling Alley / First Job Stories: [26:59]
• Massage Parlor Happy Ending: [39:05–45:48]
• Easter Egg Hunt as Adult: [61:03]
• Classic 'Garbage' Habits: [66:36], [66:53]
• Screen Names, Ringback Tones: [52:57], [67:41]
• Closing Call-Outs: [72:02]

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Verdict: Is Brendan Sagalow Garbage?

Hosts’ Final Word:
The overwhelming consensus is YES—Brendan is “legendary” garbage in the best, most lovable sense.

“We should be holding you up like Simba. Are you kidding me? This is legendary.” – Sage Foley [71:50]

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Plug Zone

• Brendan Sagalow: Sag Daddy the Podcast, Fart Carnival, road gigs, brendansagalow.com
• Hosts: Catch Are You Garbage? live (Portland, Pittsburgh, Cleveland, Atlantic City).

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Final Thoughts

Brendan’s lovable weirdness, gross humor, earnestness, and shameless New York–Long Island roots make him the perfect Are You Garbage? guest. From Disney playlists and hotel tattoos to naked sleeping and adult egg hunts, this episode showcases everything that's both delightfully "garbage" and relatable. The hosts' relentless good-natured roasting keeps the episode fast-paced and hilarious throughout.

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Transcript

[Sage Foley]

New Jersey, Philadelphia, Delaware. You're heading down the shore this summer.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Of course you are.

[Sage Foley]

July 10, the boys are going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Come out for a little ayg live.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. And before that we're going to be in Portland, Maine at Empire Comedy Club. Tickets going fast. Then we're going to be in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. Are you garbage.com? stand up comedy. Play ayg with the crowd. It's a good, good time. We'll see you there.

[Sage Foley]

Best summer ever. Hey everybody out there. And welco, welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey Ye.

[Sage Foley]

It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Okay, just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Sage Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She just picked up a six foot tank for the weekend.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Nitrous. Woo. All right.

[Sage Foley]

She's about to have her wisdom teeth pulled.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Gonna do it herself.

[Sage Foley]

My coat is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are youe Garbage? He's a bit of an international businessman and thank God, my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for kj Kevin James Ryan everybody.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What up gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing a friggin charts. God dang it. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that freaking bonus content. Gang enjoying the 16,000 people we got going on.

[Sage Foley]

Yes sir. Shout out to the army of garbage. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredib and I mean incredibly special guest finally back with us again today.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Uh huh.

[Sage Foley]

We've known him since Moses wore short pants. Came up on the goddamn streets together. Very funny. Standup comedian and actor. Voiceover, actor, podcaster. Yeah, freestyle rapper.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You better believe it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Written rhyme to recording artist on Interscope Records.

[Sage Foley]

You can hear him every week on Sag Daddy, the podcast. Give it up for Mr. Brendan Sagalo.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Thank you guys. Sag Daddy. And I've got something for you, Gu. Remember when you were first starting this show and we were both doing a show with the name Garbage in it? Remember you Hit me up. I had a show called Garbage Days. Hugely successful. Another podcast called Garbage days with Scott Chaplin. And Foley calls me and he goes, hey, man, we're thinking about doing a show called are you garbage? You got garbage in the name. Do you mind if we also do that? And I literally. What did I say to you? I go, we're both gonna fail. Who cares?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Good luck.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. I was like, all right, good luck.

[Sage Foley]

But I preface it with the fact we had been.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Do.

[Sage Foley]

We've been playing are you garbage on the old podcast for like a year.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, I remember the show. I don't remember.

[Sage Foley]

That's what. I was running the goddamn business. Well, the fact in the day on the streets when you had to use a little muscle.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's right.

[Sage Foley]

Not your second generation. This is. Me and Sagala were running molasses out of Canada. You were in at Princeton.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, just.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was I doing here?

[Sage Foley]

I don't know.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Imagine if I said to you, like, yeah, I kind of have a problem with that. And you're recalling the show now. Like, are you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know, we'd have you whacked or something. We were. We were ask.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We weren't really asking.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

I was doing it anyway, for sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know, it's like when you.

[Sage Foley]

We got our first podcast.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We were just checking in. You know what I mean? Like, hey, just letting you know we're operating in your backyard.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Right, right, right, right, right. Well, I'll tell you what. That the. You can operate in the backyard all you want. The house is burned down. So, yeah, go. Go hang out in the backyard.

[Sage Foley]

We're also changing Luke's name to Brendan Sagalo. Hope that's okay. You're cool with that, right?

[Kevin James Ryan]

AKA SAG Daddy, the prince.

[Brendan Sagalo]

All right, that's fine. Take it. All right.

[Sage Foley]

We. I mean, we know you're trash.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

We're all.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Look at me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I actually think I'm pretty classy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shout out to the big dogs T shirt, the gold and silver bracelets and brand new tattoo.

[Brendan Sagalo]

If a dog free tattoo. This. This guy who came to a show, went to my hotel room this weekend and just, like, did a tattoo.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, I saw that done in the hotel room.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got it done in the hotel room.

[Sage Foley]

That's actually pretty classy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's pretty punk rock in a way.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I felt like, yeah, that's pretty. That's pretty rich guy shit. When you get famous, guys, when you

[Sage Foley]

get your hair, you get your haircut done in the green room.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a haircut guy. That comes with me to the Alpharetta little room

[Sage Foley]

over in the lab.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Over in the lab. The helium lab in the other room.

[Sage Foley]

But I imagine this was probably a.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. What kind of hotel room was it?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know. They just put me in hotel rooms and I just stay there. I should do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Also, another rich guy answer.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know.

[Sage Foley]

It wasn't a Four Seasons, was it?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, of course not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It wasn't a one.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no. I had. The hotel room had.

[Sage Foley]

The window was broke.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah. No, it had, like, the hotel had, like, things all over the walls, like right above the bed. It said, sleep well or something like that. It was. It was horrible.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think that's a metal. What city?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. And they gave me my own jacket, my own Snuggie.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What. What town. What city was this in?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Alpharetta. Atlanta.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Alpharetta.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Alpharetta, Georgia. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's there?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Helium.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, the helium's in Alpha.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Helia. Is in Alpharetta.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Great club.

[Sage Foley]

Okay, so you're in Atlanta.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's a great club. I was in Atlanta, but, yeah, the town is Alpharetta. Yeah, but. Which is like 40 minutes outside, whatever. But yeah, yeah. I mean, it was. It was so boring.

[Sage Foley]

Sounds like an old black lady.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Alpharetta.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I talked. Alpharetta.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We're gonna cut that out. You know, I, I. As I was saying it, I went, this is not gonna be.

[Kevin James Ryan]

At first, I went, he's going out on a.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Not gonna be good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I semi tried it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no. You bailed. You. And I'm not jumping out of the plane. Yeah, you had. I think we're a little too close to the ground to jump out the plane.

[Sage Foley]

Sweet Lord. Alpharetta. Sagolo came in today and he was singing a. A police song that I. That I've been listening to. Yes. Love the video. They're on the train.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, I don't know the video.

[Sage Foley]

Great video. Great song.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's how he consumes music.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Is just music videos.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah. On YouTube. I watch. I watch everything.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's wild.

[Sage Foley]

Watch it on YouTube.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's how you, when you're traveling, you watch it on YouTube while you're traveling, like in your car or something.

[Sage Foley]

My car.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, uses.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You have a car?

[Sage Foley]

I do, but suspended.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, in the car.

[Sage Foley]

In the car.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What? Why?

[Sage Foley]

I never turned my plates in when I switch.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Long night now for Retta.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You never turn your plates in?

[Sage Foley]

I didn't turn my plates in when I got a new lease and they suspended my license for, like, almost a year.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jesus Christ.

[Sage Foley]

Starting in March. But I had it taken care of, so I get it back in June.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay.

[Sage Foley]

Back on the streets, riding dirty.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay.

[Sage Foley]

But I do use YouTube on that as well.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Strange. Yeah, that's strange.

[Sage Foley]

I know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're gonna play next to him. He's looking at videos.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, what I do is. So every year on June 1st, January

[Sage Foley]

1st, we preface this for you before you get into this.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay.

[Sage Foley]

This is the thing. He's singing a police song.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

So lonely. Great song.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Whatever.

[Sage Foley]

He follows it up with a selection, a selection from the Disney animated series. Disney animated cartoon? I guess Hercules.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. I mean, I'll say.

[Sage Foley]

Basically a show tune. You're seeing musicals on your playlist?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, of course. I have a playlist called the Masturbation Compilation. I make it in every year. And I love. I mean, the Hercules soundtrack is one of the best soundtracks in the world. And I'm looking at your eyes right now. I'm not convincing you. But the. The song is that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That also folded real quick.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I can see it in your ass.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know what I'm teamed up against. Do you make.

[Sage Foley]

Do you make a playlist for the entire year?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. And I just feed songs that I like into it, and I just keep listening to it over and over.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And then at the end of the

[Brendan Sagalo]

year, first week's pretty rough. I'm just listening to so Lonely for one. For a whole week?

[Sage Foley]

You don't do it all in one day. Like, you know, on New Year's Day, you don't sit and put, like, 4,000 songs in it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Then do you shelf that at the end of the year?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I'll listen to it again. But I usually start fresh. I start fresh. Yeah, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

And how many show tunes would you say?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Tons, dude. It's filled with Disney songs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's a Disney adult.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm not a Disney adult. Okay, you're not.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not a Disney adult.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I like. I'm an adult. I'm a. I like Disney and I'm 35.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay. My apologies.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay, so that's what my lawyer would say. Go. You're on.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's guys. These barely an adult.

[Sage Foley]

It's the Disney thing. But not, like, you don't have things from, like, Chicago in there, do you?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Or, like, I have stuff from, like, Book of Mormon and stuff on there.

[Sage Foley]

Give you that?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

You're a South park guy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I love Broadway as well, so. Pretty classy as well.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That is.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm trying to. I'm trying to win.

[Sage Foley]

I didn't know that about you, I didn't know you loved.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, that's a fun.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's ask a fucking question once in a while.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, why don't you call me?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hey, call me every now and then.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's pretty funny. Prove to us why you think you're. How much? Okay, class. You got jewelry on.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How much was that jewelry?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was a couple hundred for both of these.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So it's not really real. I don't need to get insurance on it. I almost stopped wearing these.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I never heard of that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

The people have insurance on their jewelry. Did you know that's all fake too?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't roll with.

[Sage Foley]

I heard Fetty Wap or somebody talking about that. What do you mean that they all. It's all fake?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like, if they're. If they're going somewhere, they're like, why would I wear the real thing?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. Yeah. Well, I got this one for Christmas from my.

[Sage Foley]

No idea who Fetty Wap is, by the way.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Fetty Wap sings Trap Queen. So I got this from my lady, which was about like 300 bucks, I think. And this is like, aund. Something. 200 bucks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where do you go? Does Jacob do those for you?

[Sage Foley]

He's got Jared.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I have. I have his name tattooed on me. Jacob.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Holy. You do?

[Sage Foley]

Who's Jacob?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jacob is my best friend since we were in, like, first grade.

[Sage Foley]

Like, he died?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Nah, he's still alive. I'm going to his wedding next week.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He did get a dui, though. That was when he got. When they put him on arrest. I got a tattoo.

[Sage Foley]

I went free.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jacob, wait.

[Sage Foley]

You have the tattoo of a man who's still alive? That isn't your father.

[Brendan Sagalo]

He's more healthier than me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This guy's alive and kicking.

[Brendan Sagalo]

He's doing great. He works out every day. He's very healthy. I'm going to his wedding in two weeks.

[Sage Foley]

Does he have your name tattooed on your arm?

[Brendan Sagalo]

He does not. No.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's a wild upper hand.

[Sage Foley]

What the is going on?

[Brendan Sagalo]

When I was.

[Sage Foley]

How did I not know it?

[Brendan Sagalo]

When we were.

[Kevin James Ryan]

When we were younger, what sparked it?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I visited him. I. I would go visit him in college.

[Sage Foley]

Because you're in love with this guy?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, he got friend zoned.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I think I like you. Just not like that, bro.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I love you.

[Sage Foley]

Let it go. Let it go.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I would go.

[Sage Foley]

Jacob. Doesn't bother me anyway. It's frozen.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's frozen. God. It's on my playlist.

[Sage Foley]

He doesn't know it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You don't know frozen.

[Sage Foley]

That's a goddamn banger.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I know it. Don't you have a little baby?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I do. Yeah. You gotta watch Frozen.

[Sage Foley]

He's starting to know. He's starting to learn.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, watch Hercules. Bro, if there's a price for rotten judgment, I'm alright. I guess I've already won that. Anyway, so I would visit him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I do love how I was like, prove that you're classy. We got to the bracelets and found out he had another man's name tattooed on him. And we completely. He literally got one decent thing of like I got. I got these bracelets and then that's, that's, that's the best case for yours. You could make for yourself.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm so far into garbage, I could never.

[Sage Foley]

How have we not known that you had that tattoo?

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't really brag about it or anything, to be honest. I mean, so I would go visit. I. You know, a bunch of my friends went to the same college. Including Binghamton University.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So I would go up there right

[Kevin James Ryan]

next to the state penitentiary.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Binghamton is a rough.

[Sage Foley]

Where they make a race.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. I mean my.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's pretty good.

[Brendan Sagalo]

One of my buddies bought a. Bought a. What's that? What's. It's like a gun for arrows. What's that called? Crossbow. Yeah, my buddy bought a crossbow and he's like, bro, we just got a crossbow. You gotta come up to Binghamton.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She jump in the car for seven hours.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. And I went, I went straight to Binghamton and we just shot crossbows at the wall that they were.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now, were they selling drugs? It sounds like somebody would. Who was selling weed.

[Brendan Sagalo]

My one buddy had. Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Would buy a cross.

[Sage Foley]

Very good. Very good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, we're the same. We're essentially the same people.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Same generation.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm a little older, but.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're pretty much. How old are you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

39.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, okay, same.

[Sage Foley]

But porn, Maximum magazine, all that kind of.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, bro.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, fhm.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I did the deep cuts fisheye lens with like Malcolm in the Middle T shirts on and stuff like that. That's, that's, that's all that like goo. Remember how big like, like radiation goo was in the 90s and like that. You know what I'm talking about?

[Sage Foley]

Slime.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Slime.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Any.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yes, sorry.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Slime for the old heads. Whatever. Pop up. Hey, second, let's get out of here like on Nickelodeon.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So. Yeah, to make a long story short, I went up there and we were just laughing about. It was always a running joke because we were like. We were best friends. Like we got attached at the hip in high school. That was the thing we got.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, like your award?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, the award we got. What is that called? Whatever. We got that Gas Dudes award. You man. Yeah, this. The principal was like. And for the biggest homos we have

[Kevin James Ryan]

Brendan go to and the guy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We had a. We had a fate when. When Facebook first started and we were like, we were like, let's just create our own Facebook because we wanted to look at a buddy's girlfriend and like, see if she was hot. And you know, cuz we're not gay. And we, we, we.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She's gross.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, we go, ooh, in that dress with that top.

[Sage Foley]

Wait, you guys started a Facebook page

[Brendan Sagalo]

for years together together called Jaco Brendan.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So you're in love with this?

[Brendan Sagalo]

J, A, C O, P, R, E, N. I don't know, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you guys.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're gonna object at the wedding.

[Brendan Sagalo]

How dare you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I object.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be hitting the glass. Jacob.

[Kevin James Ryan]

She doesn't even have her name tattooed on you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Anyway, so we. It was always a running joke that we would get. I would get his name tattooed on me and I had a bunch of tattoos I was getting, so I didn't really give a shit. Like, this whole arm is full of like, I don't care.

[Sage Foley]

And is it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So is this arm too. And so we were like, we on the way to the tattoo place.

[Sage Foley]

That's a heart shaped grenade, right?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

So.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Ladies, are there any goth fat girls that listen to this?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Probably, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Shout out to the beautiful girls.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shout out to all the beautiful girls.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hell yeah. Yeah. So. And on the way there, we were like, well, what's it gonna look like? And all that stuff. And I was like. And they were. Someone, someone was like. Someone was like, we should put it in an anchor. And I went. And then someone was like, like, have the squid. We went as a group, like all my friends went. And we were laughing and giggling the entire time.

[Sage Foley]

It's not bad.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. It's horrible.

[Sage Foley]

What are you talking?

[Brendan Sagalo]

We asked the guy to make the eyes high. We went, can you make the eyes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Be honest with you, it's changed. It's faded to the point where like, I remember seeing old men who were in the Navy. Like, that's what that looks. It's. I can't be that old to fade that much.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got it when I was like 21, I think. Okay, so. And then Clover really adds to it above it. I will.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Clover.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got when I was 16. But anyway, whatever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What is this?

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know? But are you going.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is Garbage days.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Garbage days. So we. The biggest regret I think of it, I'll tell you this is right before unrequited love.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. It just could never work. Is right before we got it done. He go, we said to the tattoo guy, we go, oh, add a pirate hat to it. And the guy. I thought it was going to be like a pirate hat, like a. Like a cartoon Captain Crunch pirate hat. This guy did like a realistic pirate hat. And now it looks like a.

[Sage Foley]

It looks like a slice of watermelon.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It looks like a penis.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I thought it's a.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's another man's name wrapped in a penis.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's. Yeah. What's this circle?

[Sage Foley]

Bit of a turn on, if you ask me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

The anchor, I guess.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, the top of the anchor.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So it's an anchor that makes.

[Sage Foley]

On his watch.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I thought it was a duck, if I'm being honest with you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, yeah. And Jacob's always like, hey man, you can get that covered. And I was, yeah, maybe. I don't know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey man, things are getting pretty serious with my girl.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Why don't you cover that up?

[Sage Foley]

Are you the best?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm going to be wearing a suit without. Without sleeves.

[Sage Foley]

Are you the best man in the wedding?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm not. He has a brother.

[Sage Foley]

So are you in the wedding party?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I am in the wedding party. I'm wearing a tux. Again with the sleeves cut off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're such a derpy. I am wearing a tux.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I am wearing a tux. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Wait, hold on. Are you officially in the wedding party or are you just wearing a tux? Cuz the other groomsmen are.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got a feeling he's not in the wedding. No.

[Brendan Sagalo]

None of the other groomsmen are wearing tux. I'm wearing one. One tux with the tail going out. No, I. Everybody's wearing tuxes.

[Sage Foley]

So you're in the.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You're. I'm in the wedding.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're standing up there with him. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Are you first behind his brother, I hope.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I mean, I got his name tattooed on me, for Christ's sake. The fact that I'm not the best man is going to be.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Jacob.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Are you. Are you making a speech?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. Should I?

[Sage Foley]

No. Not if you weren't asked.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I. I might freestyle something like that. Jacob, don't get married. I love you anyway. Anyway. So when are we recording

[Sage Foley]

the duality?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Spell that this is pretty one way. I don't know what you're talking about.

[Sage Foley]

Well, he listens to musicals.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm a pretty.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's got the brain of an 8 year old. What are you talking about?

[Sage Foley]

Baby shark.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Have you guys heard this sick baby shark song? I'm going to see Teletubbies at Wembley Stadium if you guys want to come.

[Sage Foley]

What was your first concert?

[Brendan Sagalo]

The Beach Boys. The Beach Boys. I was at a fair and I was a little baby.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's okay.

[Brendan Sagalo]

But first.

[Kevin James Ryan]

First ever referred to themselves at a concert as a baby.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was. I was a little baby.

[Sage Foley]

We talking Kokomo? Was that when that was going on?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I think. I don't know, but it was, it was a cool fair. There was a bunch of hot air balloons that were getting. That were taken off and it was cool.

[Sage Foley]

That's pretty Long Island.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know where it was.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I was a little bit after.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't, I don't remember.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Stop calling yourself I was a little baby.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was 13 years old. No, but the first concert I went to as an adult. I don't know, as somebody who like bought tickets, right? And was like, I'm going to a concert.

[Sage Foley]

Can we guess?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. You'll never guess it. You'll never guess.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Were they releasing music when you were that 8? What? How old were you?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was like 13.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So 2005, maybe like 20, 17. Oh, Jesus.

[Sage Foley]

Is it. Is it in your vernacular that would

[Brendan Sagalo]

make me 16 years old.

[Sage Foley]

Is it in your popular music vernacular that we would know of the Brendan we know?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, I mean, my music is obviously all over the place, so I really don't think you would guess it. But I do think it would fit into the, you know, you'd go, of course, maybe.

[Sage Foley]

Is it hip hop? Rock?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's rock. Let me just tell you. Yeah, it was. You'll never guess.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You'll never get. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Steve Harvey. I, I. Steve Harvey and family feel. I go, let me just tell you what it is.

[Sage Foley]

I like sex. Put me in my place.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. I go, I'm just gonna tell you. I'm sick of guessing.

[Sage Foley]

Bit of a turn on.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, okay, maybe I'll get your name tattooed on me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I come in tomorrow, you got Brendan.

[Sage Foley]

What'd you guys do last night?

[Brendan Sagalo]

You go, I got him hammered, man. What is my. My neck hurt.

[Sage Foley]

Can't be no Fabletics.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I love Fabletics.

[Sage Foley]

You're a big Fabletics guy. Well, I'm going to tell you something right now. You better start Moving over. Uncle Hank's down a few pounds.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I'm getting a little more active, a little more movement.

[Sage Foley]

That's right. And I want to be looking for some fitness wear. You know what I'm talking about? Point me in the right direction over there. Fabletics. Let me know what's going on.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I will. I'm a big fan of the joggers. We spent whatever the whole time we were in la. I don't think I got out of the joggers. I travel on them. I wear them around the house. They make me. I gotta. I gotta get about five more pairs of these, Jones, because I'm wearing the heck out of them. They cut well, look good, but you're not like, you don't look like. For me, I'm not trying too hard.

[Sage Foley]

You know what I mean? What you should do here.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I'm a big fan of the joggers. And when you sign up for VIP with Fabletics, you get 70 to 80% off of everything. It makes it easy to grab multiple workout shirts, shorts, lounge pieces, everyday staples for the summer without overthinking it. You can look. They see what they have as a total, as like a package, as a uniform, as an outfit. They have, like we said, the versatile pieces that you can wear throughout the day. I can wear them on a workout, like I said, I wear them traveling. I wear them running errands. I wear them walking the dog. I wear them hanging out with my baby and still feel put together because it's. It makes. There's things about bozos like us. You just got to increase a little bit. And you go, I feel nice. I feel fancy. Yes.

[Sage Foley]

A little bit of 5% twist.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's all you need to just elevate your game a smidge. Shop right now fabletics.com garbage and get 70 to 80% off of everything. When you sign up as a new vip, take a quick style quiz, which I took very quick. And be sure to select garbage when prompted to unlock this offer. There's a limited time offer, so don't wait again, that's fabletics.com garbage for 70. 80% off everything as a new VIP. Do it.

[Sage Foley]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes, summer's here. Okay. As we know, Uncle Hank, very, very serious mental health journey. Yes. Start it with BetterHelp.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Let's go.

[Sage Foley]

Do yourself a favor. Whether you got something big going on, something small going on, you have a milestone in your life that you have to overcome that you have to talk your way through.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Mm.

[Sage Foley]

Go to go Go to a professional.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes.

[Sage Foley]

And get yourself the help that you need. If you need it, you got something small going on. Makes it easy. Yes, it really makes it easy. It honestly has changed my life.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's good to hear. And I can. I can second that. And Better help has over 30,000 therapists. Better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. The proof is in the numbers, baby. Better Help. Does the initial matchmaking work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals? And I've always said therapy can be overwhelming and daunting to think about, of calling somebody up, making this stuff, making these appointments, finding out if they're right for you. Let Better Help do it. You can get in the pool. It's just. You step into the pool instead of jumping in. You walk down the stairs. You get in, you go, hey, this might be my guy. This might not be my guy. Let me try again. But at least you're. The ball is rolling and you're working on yourself, which I am a big fan of. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10 [e-mail] garbage. That's betterhelp hlp.com garbage.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Do it. I. I went to go see the Viva La Bam tour, which was. Which was cky? It wasn't cky, actually. Which sucks.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really.

[Brendan Sagalo]

CKY wasn't on it. It was. Was him.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was who? That's funny.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's the name of the band.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's the name of the band. Who's on first, what's on second.

[Sage Foley]

I got. I don't know him.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Who?

[Sage Foley]

That sounds weird.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It doesn't.

[Sage Foley]

Is it a person or is it a band?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's a band name. They're like gothic metal.

[Sage Foley]

Dumbest I ever.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're Swedish or. What are they?

[Sage Foley]

All right. I'll give you that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hey, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let's finish the story. Yeah,

[Brendan Sagalo]

it was finished. It was. I mean, they were. It was him and it was this band, Skindred and another band. Skin Dread, was. Is like reggae, metal, rap. And they were, you know. And I was like. Like 13.

[Sage Foley]

You know, the architects.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, band. Oh, okay. Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This has been Hip Hop Corner with

[Sage Foley]

H. No, they just played at Sonic Temple. You know what that is?

[Kevin James Ryan]

These are all video games.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Making up.

[Sage Foley]

I thought this was up your alley.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You go, yeah, you're making up sonic boom. Boom.

[Sage Foley]

They were like around my Chemical Romance era.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, no. I wasn't really into that.

[Sage Foley]

Really, to be honest.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, No, I didn't really. I mean, now I'll listen to some of their songs.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is such a new money arm.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's crazy, I know.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Bright red, new tattoo and a gold

[Brendan Sagalo]

and gold and silver.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The double.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's what makes it really double bracelet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is it?

[Sage Foley]

What was the occasion? Your girl got it for you?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Christmas.

[Sage Foley]

What'd you get her?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got her Nikes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

A rap song?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I wrote. I wrote a couple verses.

[Sage Foley]

Christmas rap song.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I wrote her a hook. I got her like Nikes and. And some like, clothes and stuff and just shit. She would like a new necklace. I got her. I got her a nice necklace.

[Sage Foley]

Nice.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Speaking of your Long island early days, do you remember the first strip club you. What was the name of the first strip club you went to?

[Brendan Sagalo]

The first strip club I ever went.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And let's do the last.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The last.

[Brendan Sagalo]

The last. Well, the last was yesterday, so. No. What was the first strip club I ever went to? I think it was.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Was it 18 or 21?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I. I don't remember. It was fun, you know, it was for. I think it was. What was it? I remember. I think it might have been for Aaron Berg's bachelor party.

[Sage Foley]

That was your first strip?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I think so, yeah. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Nerd alert.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What age were you? You were in your early 20s, but I was.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was like. I was like. Anytime she stopped dancing, I was like, come on back. I was so hammered that I was. I was just getting a lap dance the entire fucking time.

[Sage Foley]

Nice.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I spent so much money there and I was hammered, dude. And then the last one I went to, me and Matt Richards went to a little bit more of an urban one, so.

[Sage Foley]

During the pandemic?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I think so.

[Sage Foley]

Was it with the one close by to where we were performing?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Maybe, I don't know. But we. I remember.

[Sage Foley]

Strip club.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What are you talking about? It was a strip club. There were ladies dancing by poles and

[Sage Foley]

I think it was a little more than that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, most strip clubs are if you have enough cash.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, if you have enough cash.

[Sage Foley]

It's in the same building that we were doing. No outdoor shows.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no, no.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Brendan Sagalo]

But we. We were driving.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was a mob run brothel.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, we were. I don't even remember that. What are you talking about? Where were we?

[Sage Foley]

The Rooftop. The. The one Rooftop.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, Yeah. I didn't. That was a strip club.

[Sage Foley]

No, I went to he wasn't a target.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know something. We were just driving and he was like, you want to go to a strip club? We're like near a strip club. And I was like, all right. Yeah. And okay. We just. I think I had just quit booze too. So I was like. I was just there, like sober with these like big black asses up in my face. And I was just like, excuse me, miss. I'm okay, I'm driving.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This guy's a cop.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She was farting in my face.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pay extra for that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Her name was Alpharetta.

[Sage Foley]

Now we gotta leave all that in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was all. Staying in it anyway. I was all part of the bitch.

[Sage Foley]

What was your first job?

[Brendan Sagalo]

My first job was. I was a bowling alley. I was. I worked as a party host for kids for children's birthday parties at a bowling alley. Which I actually got demoted after a couple of months. They, they, they had hired me for.

[Sage Foley]

How old were you?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was about 14.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's boys got the brain of a child.

[Brendan Sagalo]

14, 15.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah, they're singing those goddamn show tunes.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It wasn't a whole hard job, but I just never really cleaned up after.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What'd you get demoted to?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Janitor.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So you weren't clean enough? So they demoted a janitor.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They just had me come in. They're like. Cuz I remember coming in, they were just like, we don't have any parties. And I was like, okay, what am I supposed to do? And they were like, just like clean around and stuff. And for hours I would just walk around cleaning. Like they never gave me any direction. The manager actually got fired from there because he strangled this girl named Blaze. There was a girl there named Blaze who was a lesbian and he was a big fat guy named Franklin. And he ended up strangling her. Not killing her. No, no, no, no. Not killing her.

[Sage Foley]

What'd she do?

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't. Just a Tuesday in Long Island.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Dude, that happened.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That happened in every town in Long Island.

[Sage Foley]

When you say party host, he put his arm around.

[Brendan Sagalo]

He's put his hands around her neck. So he got fired for. He was mad at her or something.

[Sage Foley]

Jesus.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. So the party house.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You are next level trash.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Tell me about it. I mean, so the job consisted of. You were. You'd go in about an hour and a half earlier, you'd set up the table. You'd set up how many. You'd know how many kids were going

[Kevin James Ryan]

to be there getting tokens.

[Brendan Sagalo]

This, you'd go, you'd put up the, the, the things if they.

[Sage Foley]

You fill the Pictures of soda.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. You would fill the pictures up with soda.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Get.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Good question. Good question. You would fill the pictures of dick or not. You go, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah. You should start. You should be a hired question for

[Kevin James Ryan]

the president, a questioner.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.

[Sage Foley]

He's giving me attitude about it. Great question.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You go, you. Hey, did you fill up those pictures yourself?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You go, would you put the ice in them too?

[Sage Foley]

Did you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like a lot of.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Did you put your shoes on yourself as well?

[Sage Foley]

They usually don't put ice in them.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They do put. Put ice in it. It actually looks so good. A pitcher of Coke.

[Sage Foley]

We talk about it all the time.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, my God, I love soda, dude. I love it so much. It's the. It's the best.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You know what? You know where we should take Sagalo?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Pizza Hut, TNT Amusements.

[Sage Foley]

Oh, my God.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What is that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

There's a place I grew up with and the guy made these infomercials, but it's a Todd Tuckey show. Shout out to Todd Tuckey, TNT Amusements. He. He sold video games and then. But he kept them. And then he just turned his warehouse into an arcade. So, like, we. All of our birthday parties were there. But then he also had. We did a whole episode on it. But he also had. We had him on the show, actually.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Wow.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I forgot it was.

[Sage Foley]

You would love.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But he made his own infomercials.

[Sage Foley]

Dude, he might be your real dad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, really?

[Sage Foley]

It's.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's insane.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's awesome.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, he's gone. Hi, my name's T. Dude.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And he edited what. He edited all in the camcorder, so the cuts are horrible. And he was like, back in the day, though.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I love that. There's a. There's a huge arcade in Portland, Oregon. I forgot what it's called. It's like Game over or something like that. And they have like 5, 000 pinball machines. And all you do is like. You pay $20, you could play all day. It's. It's from having my basement pretty. Yeah, I saved up my money for it.

[Sage Foley]

Are you a pinball guy?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I love pinball, dude. Love it.

[Sage Foley]

Jesus Christ.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I would go to a barcade alone. I still do that. Like up. Up until a couple weeks ago, I go to a barcade paid.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That is you currently still.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You're like, yeah, but I'll put $20 in. I'll get a bunch of coins and I'll just be playing pinballs alone. It's the best. It's the best feeling. Next question.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Will.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Will I get. Will I feel like.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Back to the show.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And that buddy, that was genuine.

[Sage Foley]

Now, what do you gentlemen do for work?

[Kevin James Ryan]

So how's this podcast going?

[Brendan Sagalo]

There you go. I like what you're doing with this.

[Sage Foley]

Who babysat you as a kid?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was this woman.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Tv, Sega.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I go babysitter. What is that? No, my parents would just leave me

[Kevin James Ryan]

at the Beach Boys concert.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I. This woman named Alice who. We would go to her apartment in Brooklyn. She actually let me in Brooklyn. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

You live in Long Island.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know, I know.

[Sage Foley]

You would have to go to her.

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is like an episode of Girls.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. And she would. She actually got fired. My parents fired her. Because there was more babysitters in Long Island. No, but there. They fired her because she let me and my sister walk to the bus stop alone and, like, go meet my parents or something. Like, we took a bus alone or something. I was really young. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

City bus.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I think so. I was really young. And they were like. Yeah, we. We fired her because she was dangerous. Wait, yeah, she. You and your sister, you were in

[Sage Foley]

Brooklyn and what you took to train, you took.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know. I. I really don't remember.

[Sage Foley]

I was a baby.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was a baby. Yeah, I was a baby. I don't know. I really don' remember, but that's what they said.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Story is you and your sister went unsupervised on some sort of bus.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Exactly.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's crazy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Exactly.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just.

[Sage Foley]

Just for. For everyone when we ask that question. That's what I'm looking for when I ask a babysitter.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Do you get for the babysitter question?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, sometimes it just misses like, oh, my. My cousin or something.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, right.

[Sage Foley]

It takes a specific kind of.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was a. It was a woman in my head. This is what she looked like. She was. She was missed out fire built. But she was a town, so she had like this Italian kind of flavor.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pretty hot.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I know. I know. She actually wasn't hot because I remember her not being hot.

[Sage Foley]

It's very specific because we had the same thing. I mean, my cousins would babysit us from time to time, actually, a lot. But our main babysitter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Part of the problem.

[Sage Foley]

Our main babysitter was this woman who lived in my cousin's neighborhood.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Who she had special needs. And she was probably like 45. And she watched us.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Us.

[Sage Foley]

That was to babysat us.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, my God.

[Sage Foley]

So to have a babysitter that isn't a part of your Family?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I don't know how they met her. Yeah, I know nothing about her. I think she might have come to my sister's graduation or something, like she wanted to come or something like that. And they're like, okay, you can.

[Sage Foley]

That's next level track. I know. Especially you want to go there. Your parents had to go and drop

[Brendan Sagalo]

you off in Brooklyn? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they worked in the city, so they would. They would drive through Brooklyn and drop us off.

[Sage Foley]

Wait, this was a daily thing every day.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Every day we would go. We would go to her house, and any family not that wanted to watch us, I guess. I mean, we had family.

[Sage Foley]

The boy's got a weird name tattooed on his arm. Only a baby.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Were you a Blockbuster family or independent rental store?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Independent rental store. I didn't even know that they might have been gone by the time Blockbuster. All day, every day. I still have some Blockbuster video games that I used to. One of the best things was going to Blockbuster and getting video games and just playing them, and I would keep them. I mean, I probably owe blockbuster like $2 million, because I don't think that I still have Toy Story 2 from. For N64.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was now. What was the system of your childhood?

[Brendan Sagalo]

N64. And then. And then Xbox and then PlayStation and then Xbox again. And now I'm PlayStation guy.

[Sage Foley]

PlayStation 5, I assume.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You better fucking believe it.

[Sage Foley]

And what's your game that you play?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Right now I'm playing Resident Evil 9. So I'm getting scared. I'm just sitting around getting scared all day.

[Sage Foley]

Is it scary?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's fucking terrifying. You'd be terrified. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Really?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's a terrifying game. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Of a video game?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, dude. Yeah. Cause I play this close to my tv, and so I'm blocking out any kind of peripheral, you know, reality. And then it's the things jump out at you. It's zombies and stuff like that, and it's. It's all mutant kind of things, and it's really scary.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's. What's. What is the setup?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm also.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, what's the.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Pretty balls deep in Pokemon Red, by the way. I play Pokemon Red on the. On the. On my switch. On the road.

[Sage Foley]

What is that?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's Pokemon.

[Sage Foley]

Is that where you go look for the shit in real life?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, that's Pokemon Go, which is insane. I can't believe people. I still see people doing that. I'm like, you know, it's. It's. That's insane to me.

[Sage Foley]

But what's Pokemon Red.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Game of our trap. My childhood.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I download the ROM and I play it on the road. How old are you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

28.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, it's my childhood, too, bud.

[Sage Foley]

You're. What are you, 33?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm 18.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You guys are weird and old.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I actually don't like this Questioning stranger danger.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, I'm gonna call my babysitter to pick me up.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Are you guys in their 40s? I'm 35.

[Sage Foley]

You're 35?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'll be 35 in two weeks.

[Sage Foley]

You two are closest than you and him.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, no, he's 39.

[Sage Foley]

No, trust me, you two are closer.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, probably in, like, nerd stuff. Like, you play video games and shit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not as. Yeah, I want to get more into it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

My mobile game.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What's your mobile game? Pokemon Go. Fallout Shelter right now. Oh, I play Candy Crush. I'm on level, like, 11,000. Also an old lady on Candy Crush. Yeah, I've been playing Candy Crush for, like, eight years, and I'm on level, like, a thousand. Like, 11,000.

[Sage Foley]

You know, this is. I swear to God. God, I don't know how I didn't know this much about you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're a shapeshifter.

[Sage Foley]

I almost feel like we are. Like you surpassed. Like you are. We are unqualified. Like, if. If this was.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know if I'm leaving you guys speechless, it's.

[Sage Foley]

If this was a doctor patient situation, I think at this point we would refer you to a specialist.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But he doesn't have insurance, so he can't say.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Would you agree with that? This is like an episode of House where they don't know what's wrong.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And they can't fix it.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right, well, like, let's. Okay. What. What is one.

[Sage Foley]

What is wrong with you?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What is one thing that. It could be very small. Can be something at home.

[Brendan Sagalo]

My penis.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What is one thing that you do that makes you feel classy? Doesn't have to be classy, but, like, that makes you feel, like, ooh, this is nice.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know about small.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Could be like, valet in your.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'll get, like, a massage.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I like massages.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Where do you go for that? Those.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Like. What's that place? Spa. Spa?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What, the Med Spa?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, no. Massage Envy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Massage. That's a nice. What's a. What's a massage run you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It could be, like, a hundred bucks. Be like a hundred. It depends on what you get. I mean, like, I'll get, like. I haven't gone in a while, but, like, lately, what I've been doing is I'll go to the mall and sit

[Kevin James Ryan]

in one of those chairs.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I have done that. I do like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't like it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Like 10 minutes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They're way more comfortable than you. Yeah, well.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Or I'll go to a massage place. And sometimes you can just get like a foot massage and. And for like 60 bucks, you sit in there and they'll rub your feet and stuff. And then I go to my shows and stuff like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You'll do that when you're on the road?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, there's one right next to Gotham, so if I have time.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You'll do it for city spots. That's crazy. Dude, if I have got your shoes off in Midtown.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

If anybody. Dogs are barking.

[Brendan Sagalo]

If anybody is seeing me at the Cellar about. At about 10:30, my feet feel great.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're at that place next to Ben's.

[Sage Foley]

Are you at that place?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I don't know. But I have gone. I went to a place. Well, I went to a place once. I didn't know it was a masturbation place. And I. I went there and I got.

[Sage Foley]

Can I call you Jacob?

[Kevin James Ryan]

This is so crazy. Sir, I apologize. I did not know.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I came here for a real massage and now I'm bowling. I went in there, I think I didn't have paper. And I got a. Yeah, I got. And I got a hand job for the first time I ever really.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You want to say no or like you were okay?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, I knew the.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You knew.

[Sage Foley]

You knew?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, no, I went in for a real.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You walk into a jack shack. You know it.

[Sage Foley]

Guys, wait a minute. You're an escort.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I go officer. I swear to God, I thought this was a real massage. You're in a parking lot. But I went to.

[Sage Foley]

Let me tell you about Chime Chime. Now I'm not really telling you about Chime. You know about Chime? Chime is something that the both of us could have used when we were younger. I'll tell you that right now.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes.

[Sage Foley]

And if you don't know, gang Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee free banking. This is fee free banking built for you. It's not like traditional banks where they charge overdraft fees and monthly fees and all that junk. We're talking about thousands of. Of fee free ATMs. Why give your money away for nothing?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're trying to. They've created a world. We have to pay to get our own money.

[Sage Foley]

That's right.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hold it hostage.

[Sage Foley]

Chime is built for the Salt of the earth people. Not those 1 percenters out there. Gang.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Let's go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes, Chime members can benefit from up to eleven hundred and fifty dollars in annual rewards fee. Free direct deposit unlocks the most rewarding way to bank at chime. It's rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. Real Human 24. 7.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Let's go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Like the big man said, my younger self would have loved this. Constantly getting jammed up with overdraft fees. Direct deposit this that. You can even get up to $500 of your pay. When you say with my pay. Come on, what are we doing? Chime is not just smarter banking. It's the most rewarding way to bank during the millions who are already banking fee free today had the Chime.com garbage that's Chime.com garbage garbage. It only takes a few minutes to sign up Chime.com garbage Chime is a fintech, not a bank. Banking services for MyPay and ChimeCard provided by Chime's bank partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges. Stated annual percentage yield and cash back for Chime prime only. No minimum balance required. Checking account ranking based on the J.D. power Survey published October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, MyPay, Spot Me and travel perks, go to

[Sage Foley]

Chime.com disclosures Kim let's talk about Progressive.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Shout out to Progressive.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah, that's right, baby. You're listening to this podcast, so I know you've got a curious mind. Here's a helpful fact. You might not know it yet, but drivers who switch and save with Progressive save over $900 on average. Talking about $900 you're saving? Pop over to progressive.com, answer some questions and you'll get a quick quote with discounts that are easy to come by. In fact, 99% of their auto customers earn at least one discount.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yes. Visit progressive.com and see if you can enjoy a little cash. Back back Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates national average 12 month saving of $946 by new customers surveyed who saved with Progressive between June 2024 and May 2025. Potential savings will vary.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I went I. I wanted to get a massage. I was in Asia. I was in Astoria.

[Sage Foley]

It's in Chinatown.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was right across the street. If anybody's in Astoria, go across the street from the there's a or around the which is a nice restaurant in

[Sage Foley]

Astronomy outing a a jack shack.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah. What are you Doing goddamn business.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's illegal.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They know.

[Brendan Sagalo]

All right. Oh, well, okay. So I went to this place near a place. Whatever. We'll cut all that out, but I'm gonna send you guys to find it on Rub Maps.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, really?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Apps devoted to this? Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

All right. Well, whatever. Hey. And I walked in, and I went up the stairs. I wanted a real massage, not a dead giveaway.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's up the stairs now.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I thought there were some places that do that. This is New York City.

[Sage Foley]

Is this during the day or at night?

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was like. Dude, it was like 12:30 in the afternoon. It was.

[Sage Foley]

Whoa, you must have been sleepy for the rest of the day.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, buddy. I. And I went up the stairs, and I kind of knew immediately because it was very, like, you know, all of the curtains were like bed sheets, and there was a bottle of pills in the lobby. And I was like, I wonder what those pills are now. I probably know. They're like Horny Goat Weed. Probably like Vik, not Vicodin.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, shit. Viagra.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Viagra. Viagra, yeah. And then some disgusting woman came out, and she was wearing little tiny leopard shorts. That was very revealing. And I was like, oh, God, I think I'm in a thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But I go, can I see your certificate of massage?

[Brendan Sagalo]

And then. And what really tipped me off is when she jerked me off.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I got a feeling.

[Sage Foley]

Wait a minute.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Were you completely naked?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. That was another tip, too. I mean, she goes, all right, take off all your clothes. And I took off all my clothes, and I was in my boxers. And she went, take those off. And I went, okay. That's when I was like, did you

[Kevin James Ryan]

get stole in the lobby?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I got naked in front of her. Yeah. That was when I was like, I

[Kevin James Ryan]

don't think this lady's a doctor.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Shit's going down.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Let me see your kinesiology degree.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. She walked out in the room. Massage person came in and went, ready for your massage? I went, who was that lady?

[Sage Foley]

How long? How did she actually give you massage?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, but it was like. It was horrible.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They just do this. They do this move a lot.

[Sage Foley]

Whoa.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was horrible. And I was like, okay, that's another telltale sign that this is bad. Then she was massaging my legs. And I had spoken to a buddy of ours, I think, hey, don't l me into that. Yeah. Our buddy Ian, who had done this before, kind of addicted to it at one point, I'm pretty sure. And I asked him, I said, what a rat. He talked about it.

[Sage Foley]

You're naming places you're dropping names.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know, I know.

[Sage Foley]

He's wearing a wire.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. I'm just excited. And they're gonna get them out of here, buddy. Maybe. He go. I go. I go, how do you know? How do you know they want to jerk you off? And he goes. He goes, well, the signal is you lift your butt up. Up a little bit. So while she's doing my legs, she's getting kind of close to my balls over there. Like, now I feel gross. I'll just finish the story. I lifted my butt, and she. She was like. She said something. She was like. And I went, yep. And she went. And then I. I gave her, like, a hundred bucks and I left. I mean.

[Sage Foley]

Wait, she did it while you were laying on your stomach?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she asked me to flip over, but by that time I was

[Kevin James Ryan]

just saying, stars, kids.

[Sage Foley]

Wait, you just jerked off into the bed?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I think we call that milking.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. And it got all over my body. And then she cleaned me up, which felt very nice. Dry towel, and I take 20 back from her. She was pissed with how much I gave her, though, because I didn't know I went in with enough money for a real massage. And you're supposed to give her, like, dollars.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I thought it was by the minute. I only need 14 minutes. Just my feet.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And then I left there. And I felt shame for.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

A long, long, long, long time.

[Sage Foley]

Well, I wouldn't.

[Brendan Sagalo]

But now I'm kind of. I'm like, if I wasn't in a relationship, I'm like, I want to go find another one of those. It's fucking sick. So I'll get a massage. Is a classy thing I'll do.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, it's not. You stiffed the woman, and you came when you. So that's not that.

[Sage Foley]

I'll take a C. I do, like

[Brendan Sagalo]

going to, like, a nice steakhouse. I mean, remember we. We went to. Were you there? Did I? Did I. I know I invited you, but I don't think you went, were you there?

[Sage Foley]

We.

[Brendan Sagalo]

For my 30th birthday, I took everybody to Del Frisco's.

[Sage Foley]

You know, that was one of the only social things that I've really ever done, really, in. In that regard. I went to. I went to a birthday dinner with Sagala.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I wanted. I wanted. I was 30 years old. I wanted to take all my friends.

[Sage Foley]

That was a big step for. For me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Great big step for me, too. I mean, it was really fun.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You picked up the check.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I picked up the check. I picked up yeah, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was that check, if you don't mind me?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was a pretty good menu. It was like a grand. It was, it was a lot.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's a lot.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

I had the 2 ounce, but I

[Brendan Sagalo]

was like, get whatever you want. Everybody gets steaks. We'll get appetizers. I really wanted to look good for a second. I wanted to feel classy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's very nice. Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. I love picking up the check. I can't do it it, But I love doing it. And I like picking it up and I roll it up and I throw it in the trash.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I like picking it up and handing to someone else. All right, that's very good.

[Sage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do you put your hand on the wall when Sorry. Do you put your hand on the wall when you're painted a urinal?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. No, because I, I, I must. I don't like touching the bathroom at all.

[Sage Foley]

What are you sleeping in? Just boxers.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Naked.

[Sage Foley]

You sleep naked?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I sleep naked. Is that weird? I mean, my girlfriend said it's weird. She's like, normal people don't sleep naked naked. And I was like, when she sleeps

[Sage Foley]

over, you sleep naked.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She live. We live together.

[Sage Foley]

She doesn't sleep naked?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, she, no, she.

[Sage Foley]

She's fully clothed and you're naked.

[Brendan Sagalo]

She's wearing jeans and a vest.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Fully clothed?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. She's wearing a full Disney mascot outfit.

[Sage Foley]

That is a little weird then.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, she wears a shirt.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, he's saying for you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, for me.

[Sage Foley]

No, not her.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Why is it weird that I sleep naked?

[Sage Foley]

She wears a shirt in underwear. Not to be. Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You sleep naked on the road?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Yeah. I take all my clothes off and I get.

[Sage Foley]

So the hotel catches on fire. You're.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm, I'm. I'm like, yeah, I'm. I have to be out there holding my tiny dick in my hand, standing outside. Yeah, I love. I just like it. I don't understand why people don't sleep naked. Yeah, we're animals.

[Sage Foley]

Sex.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. There you go.

[Sage Foley]

What do you sleep in?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Fucking a. Big hat and pajamas.

[Sage Foley]

Boy, what day is today?

[Kevin James Ryan]

You go, spit it.

[Sage Foley]

Spit it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Do we have a podcast today?

[Sage Foley]

You are Ebenezer Scrooge.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You go, well, if they'd rather die.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, thanks.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You go.

[Sage Foley]

You go. We have to pick a lot of.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We got our pay, our team. Someone rather die than, than work on Christmas. You go, well, if they'd rather die, then they better do it and deplete the surplus population. We have Dan soda coming in.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Sage Foley]

Kid likes musicals.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I love, I love that, that movie Specifically, too. Every Christmas I watch the Scrooge movie

[Sage Foley]

with the Jim Carrey one. The Jim Carrey one.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's really good.

[Sage Foley]

I'm a big Christmas Carol fan.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah? Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

It's actually in a production of Christmas Carol.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, yeah. Would you play the fucking place where he works?

[Sage Foley]

That was mean, uncreative.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I didn't even know what it was called. Would you play.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Would you play a building?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Would you play one of the buildings out there? Hey, you know what I'm talking about. You're Tiny Tim.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's one of those mob nicknames. It's the opposite. Hey, what's up, Slim?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, you go the first time Tiny Tim's dying of gout in the play.

[Sage Foley]

God bless us. This is all we got.

[Brendan Sagalo]

God bless you, everybody.

[Sage Foley]

Like Topper.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Who's Topper?

[Kevin James Ryan]

The guy who blows everybody backstage. Oh, what's up? Is my boy Topper. He'll meet you outside. Rules.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's funny.

[Sage Foley]

Scrooges now. Nephew or something. I was a. I was a bum.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Still are. Small, Small potatoes. This guy's a day player. That the ymca.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You're a great actor, though.

[Sage Foley]

Thanks, pal.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You are a good actor.

[Sage Foley]

Thank you.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Very talented, man. Yeah, whatever.

[Sage Foley]

Don't start that now.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you mean, don't start that now. Don't try to win me, backhead, okay?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Have you ever done one of those punching bag machines at, like, a bar or a carnival?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yes, of course.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Apartment.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called My Girlfriend. I go, how hard did I hit you? She goes, it's like a 900

[Sage Foley]

someone spider.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I do, but I'm not, like, a big fan of those. Yeah, I don't really care about.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Not like a macho guy. That's. That's like tough guy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, that's tough guy. I don't. I don't need. I don't need that to know that I'm tough.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I needed to find out that I'm not that tall.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I don't want to know the answer.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't want everybody on the boardwalk to know I'm a huge.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's like when you go to a gas station, you see what the last person put in. It was like, five bucks. No, I don't like those. I like video games. I like playing like. Like, I love pinball, and I love, like, fighting games and.

[Sage Foley]

Okay, what does a vacation look like for Sag Daddy?

[Brendan Sagalo]

At this point, any vacation I'm going on is because I'm working the weekend. That there.

[Sage Foley]

I'm with you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You know what? I mean, I'm going to like Aruba or a ski resort and then I have to do an hour that night.

[Sage Foley]

You've done the Aruba show?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Not yet. I would like to though, but that was just a good example.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Submitted my tape. Have you done a ski.

[Brendan Sagalo]

He's not answering my emails.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Have you done a ski resort?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I did a ski resort a couple of months ago. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Can you ski?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I snowboard and I. I'm very jeans. I'm not very good at it. Yeah, I'm like. I. I'm like going down Sideways. Yeah, I'm going down.

[Sage Foley]

Where the.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, it's going like this.

[Kevin James Ryan]

On your heels the whole time.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. And slow down.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are you yelling at everybody?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, my girlfriend Caroline, she was like. She's like, I'm just gonna. She's like, I'm just gonna go to the top. She's like a huge skier. Her family ski.

[Sage Foley]

She's like.

[Brendan Sagalo]

So she was like, I'm just gonna leave you. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, going down. I'm like, you know, that's all I'll do. But then I had to do an hour for these people.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did it go well? Was it in the ski lodge?

[Sage Foley]

It's on the slopes.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was in one of the resorts. One of.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay.

[Sage Foley]

You know, she got to go to free weekend for her.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, she's comic, so she was just open for me.

[Sage Foley]

There you go.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, there you go.

[Sage Foley]

You. You guys. You guys tour together now.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sometimes she'll. I'm not really at a place where I can bring my own openers.

[Sage Foley]

I got you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I want to.

[Sage Foley]

I mean, that's fun.

[Brendan Sagalo]

These locals. Jesus Christ.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Talk about Abernathy. What was her name? Aberdeen.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

So do you remember any of your AOL screen names?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yes, my first one was Hot Dog 964. Because I live sick. I love the hot dog. Then I was. Then what was. I was like. I was like Cool Guy 69 or something. Ironically, it was supposed to be ironic. And then the one that I just had forever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You're like 10 at this point.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. The one that I had for that stayed until, you know, it died was X. Pyro 44X.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Because X. The, the bookend X was yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And I cuz I wanted everyone to call me Pyro. That was my. That was the name.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You a Haitian gang? Good gang member. What's up? That's Pyro.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hey, that's Pyro. Well, actually, so I went to.

[Sage Foley]

You get the diamonds tomorrow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I went to this camp called Camp Tioga, which is in where all the Haitians go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, Everybody had, you know, everybody had nicknames there. And I wanted a nickname and I wanted everybody to call me Pirate Pyro. You know, you got these shirts by that said Camp Tyogon. Everybody put their nickname on the back. I wrote Pyro on every single one of my shirts. And then about a week later, this new kid came to camp and everyone's like, what's your name, man? He was like, call me Pyro. And everyone called him Pyro.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It's just like T bone from.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, everybody called him Pyro. So I just had all these like, you know, my nickname was stolen from me essentially. And he was like such a cooler kid. Everybody.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did you like have lighters and stuff out to be like Pyro?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no. I just said told. Maybe, maybe. I don't know. He might have had a. I don't know. He was an older kid, so he was a cooler kid. He was older.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Was it Pyro?

[Brendan Sagalo]

P Y R O. P Y R O. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Imagine saying, call me Pyro.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know, it's. It's not cool for either, I guess.

[Sage Foley]

I tell people call me H Foley.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He was, he was nine. You're ten.

[Sage Foley]

Call me H. What's up?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, so I got my, my Nick nickname stolen from me, unfortunately. And I never asked for a nickname again. I wanted to be called Bull for a second.

[Sage Foley]

Bull.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Bull.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I wrote A because my initials are B.S. so I was like, I was trying to own it because everybody would call me like and all that stuff. Like all the, all the kids would be like, haha. So I was like, I'll be Bull. And I, I got, I went to one of those kiosks in the mall that made hats and they, I bought a hat airbrush. Had them not air fresh. They did the like embroidering, embroidered. Yeah, yeah. And it said Bull with one L. I thought that was cool. And I was getting super into hip hop at the time, so I was like, that'll be my name.

[Kevin James Ryan]

MC Bull.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, MC Bull with one L. How's that going? Didn't stick.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sagala.

[Sage Foley]

This is nuts.

[Kevin James Ryan]

My last one, that's my last screen name that stuck was Spitfire 5 for too.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, like the skateboarding company. Yeah. That's a good one. Spitfire. What was yours? Did you have. No, you were, you were. You're already in college when that came out.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah, I didn't. I think I was probably out of college.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

90. I would have graduated college in 98. I left in 96.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn. Dude.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Dude, the concern on it, crazy.

[Sage Foley]

I finished early.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, you were out of college during, like, screen names and stuff.

[Sage Foley]

I finished. I did of kind college in two years.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Brendan Sagalo]

What?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Two years?

[Sage Foley]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Did you get a degree or.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What, What. What college was it baking college or something? What kind of college was. Was it a dog? You. I'm just. I can't think of anything.

[Sage Foley]

Good one, Pyro,

[Kevin James Ryan]

man.

[Sage Foley]

Pyro's got burned by pyro.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hey, play with the fire. Gonna get burned.

[Sage Foley]

Sag? Nah, I fucking flunked that out.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, I went to three colleges.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Any degree?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I. I graduated with a bachelor's in communications from Pace University.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Oh, not bad.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And I was on the dean.

[Sage Foley]

I have a squad this year. I got my ladies.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was at. I also. I was on the dean's list at Nassau Community College.

[Sage Foley]

Get the out of here.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You better believe it.

[Sage Foley]

Why?

[Kevin James Ryan]

How.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm a good student.

[Sage Foley]

You want a guy that got hit

[Kevin James Ryan]

by a bus, I don't have. My joke was going to be you and airbud. I didn't understand the joke, but just figured I'd say it. You and some dog that's. That's like. In my head, it was like you and a dog who could, like, turn the fan on or something. You and the squirrel that can surf as water. We can't get our references together.

[Sage Foley]

Sagalo. Yeah, Kevin, if you mind. If you don't mind, I would like to ask Saga Magalo the hamburger question, please.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hit me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hamburger.

[Sage Foley]

Okay, Number one, lead into it. How do you get your hamburger cooked?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Medium rare.

[Sage Foley]

Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Agreed.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Will McDonald's do that?

[Sage Foley]

They should. They really should.

[Kevin James Ryan]

They should.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

I don't know why they don't.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Medium rare.

[Sage Foley]

They get some of the best quality meat out of anybody because they order so much quality. Yes, yes. Google it. The quality of meat at McDonald's.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Aren't their burgers like.

[Sage Foley]

No. Get out of here with that. That's all Chinese propaganda, man.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I love. I mean, I'm. I'll still eat it. I don't care. Yeah, get it. Medium rare.

[Sage Foley]

You go to a nice place, though, you go to, like, the Smith.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm not saying they gave me attitude once, so I hate them forever.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Sir, you have to put a shirt on.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sir.

[Sage Foley]

I'm not calling you Pyro.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Well, we're a big.

[Brendan Sagalo]

If you're gonna put your feet up, wear shoes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What was. What was the beef there at the Smith?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know, they gave me attitude like some sort of. Like at the. The. The lady at the host stand, like, was. Gave me something. I just remember being like her, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pyro, party of two

[Brendan Sagalo]

or bull Mc bull. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Watch this. Luke, hit me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I. McDonald's meat quality is rigorously controlled and meets high safety standards. But it's classified as standard mass produced

[Kevin James Ryan]

commercial beef rather than premium or gourmet.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Damn, Foley's a company, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I don't think you want high safety standards. That's it. Dude, if you have to run high safety standards, make sure there's not, like, thumbtacks in there. Yeah, well, those are good also, man. You are part of the propaganda machine. How much are you getting on the back end? Yeah, yeah, check my website. Go to hroley.com. it just says McDonald's.

[Sage Foley]

Good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Okay, forget about this, Grimace, all right? Forget about.

[Sage Foley]

About that. Check Wendy's. They got it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Wendy's rules.

[Sage Foley]

You go to a nice.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You go to.

[Sage Foley]

You get a nice burger from a place.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Like a. Like a gastro pub.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Okay.

[Sage Foley]

Okay. It's a nice burger. Take a bite of the burger. Okay.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Let it. My mouth is watering.

[Sage Foley]

Do you put the burger back on the plate upside down?

[Brendan Sagalo]

What?

[Sage Foley]

Okay. Or do you put it normal side down?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Normal side up. What do you mean, upside down?

[Kevin James Ryan]

So the. The. This, it tends to be a. When it's like a brioche bun. Typically brioche, the top of the bun is heavier and more dense.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Than the bottom of the bun. Sometimes it's like a little sliver.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

These are juicy burgers.

[Sage Foley]

Juicy burgers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

High quality meat.

[Sage Foley]

I'm talking about White Castle.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I mean, I'm gonna do that because it. It does sound like a good idea.

[Kevin James Ryan]

The idea is it absorbs the. Oh, that's great. So the bottom doesn't compromise the structure. Structure.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Anytime food that I'm eating is getting absorbed by itself, it makes me feel fatter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Makes me feel like I'm, like, dipping it in itself. You know what I mean? But I will do that because that's a great idea.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. You kind of go, it doesn't work all the time, but, you know, and

[Brendan Sagalo]

I'm a burger guy. Like, I love burgers.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Don't get me wrong.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Don't get me wrong.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That was actually one of my nicknames for a day in high school.

[Brendan Sagalo]

MC Burger.

[Sage Foley]

Burger's a good nickname.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Burger.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Anything after a flight. Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no.

[Sage Foley]

I would take burger.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, a couple of them.

[Sage Foley]

All right, enough about me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Your new nickname's Top.

[Sage Foley]

But you failed that test.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, I'm sorry. But I, I will do it from now on.

[Sage Foley]

Do you have a family group chat?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I do, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are all the members in there?

[Brendan Sagalo]

We have my, my current family, which

[Kevin James Ryan]

is, you know, I've never heard that term.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's my mom, my dad, my sister, all in one chat. Then we, then we have a big one with all of the relatives and stuff.

[Sage Foley]

I thought your mom and dad were separated or divorced.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They are, but they still.

[Kevin James Ryan]

For just family communication.

[Brendan Sagalo]

For family communication.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's good.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's good for like, you know, Easter and stuff where, you know, we still like egg hunt and like that. So they, they asked me to come out and stuff.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you mean you egg hunt Every year?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Me and my sister. My sister is three years older than me. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, we still. Easter egg hunt? Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

At your house?

[Brendan Sagalo]

At my house, yeah. My mom's house, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Is your mom's house, the house you grew up in, right?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, in Long Island.

[Kevin James Ryan]

And they'll. Who will hide them?

[Brendan Sagalo]

My dad.

[Sage Foley]

He'll come over to the house he no longer lives in and hide them in the backyard.

[Brendan Sagalo]

In the backyard? He hides them throughout the house.

[Sage Foley]

You do them in the house?

[Brendan Sagalo]

We do them in the house and. Oh my God. I tried to back out of this.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's got the brain of an 8 year old. I tried.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I tried to back out of this. I, I said to my family, I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. And it was a whole thing. And my mom was, was like, it's the only thing your dad ever asks you for. And I'm like, okay, why does he.

[Sage Foley]

Your dad loves this. He loves it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And he films us and we're walking around as two almost 40 year olds.

[Sage Foley]

What is it? Does he hard them and hide places?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, sometimes it's really hard.

[Sage Foley]

Does one of them have some money?

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's going getting warmer.

[Brendan Sagalo]

They do have money in it.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Metro card.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Some of them have quarters in it. Quarters. And then some of them have like 20 in it. So like the darker the egg, the, the more expensive, the sweeter the juice.

[Sage Foley]

Aparetta.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah,

[Sage Foley]

he doesn't. Your dad doesn't. He didn't get remarried, did he?

[Brendan Sagalo]

He did.

[Sage Foley]

Does he have kids with his new wife?

[Brendan Sagalo]

She has kids.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do they come over?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. I actually just met one of them recently.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, we, we don't really. We're not really close like that. Like, I don't. I'm not, not with his family. I don't, I don't like I met him because I went to his backpedaling.

[Kevin James Ryan]

How old.

[Sage Foley]

How old is this kid?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Sure.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, of course.

[Brendan Sagalo]

27. He's 27. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

So he's like you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know, I know. And I really should be close with him, but we don't really have anything in common.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Are you tight with your stepmom? Do you have a relationship?

[Brendan Sagalo]

She's nice. Yeah, she's nice. She's nice.

[Sage Foley]

Will you go over there for dinner and stuff like that?

[Brendan Sagalo]

They live in Florida.

[Sage Foley]

Your dad lives in Florida now?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Your dad comes up here, he flies, bring the eggs. I think he puts it on his. His business card too, so. Really? He. He doesn't. He does. I was trying to get a joke. No. Yeah. He'll fly up to do an Easter egg hunt with us and then we'll get like Chinese or something. And it's just the four of you? Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, my mom about holding on to the glory.

[Sage Foley]

Hold on. Easter.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Brutal. Yeah. My therapist will be like, you have to tell him.

[Sage Foley]

You can.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Can't. You don't want to do it anymore. And I'm like, I tried, man.

[Sage Foley]

Well, you should do it. It's fun. It's for your.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. I'm like. I'm like, whatever.

[Sage Foley]

It's.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's for.

[Sage Foley]

You get Chinese food on Easter.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I think so. Yeah. This year we did.

[Sage Foley]

That might be the most garbage Jewish. No, he's not.

[Brendan Sagalo]

My dad is Jewish. Yeah, I'm half Jewish. Yeah, just not Easter.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He's half Jewish.

[Sage Foley]

It doesn't matter. He's selling. He's celebrating Easter.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Chinese food on Christmas is a. Is a Jewish thing.

[Sage Foley]

100% love it. Always been very jealous.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Easter. We should be good. Going to like a nice restaurant.

[Sage Foley]

It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. Go have Peking duck somewhere.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Go sit down. My family loves Chinese food, so we'll get it on Easter the way Jesus wanted.

[Sage Foley]

What does that Sagala water look like? Well, it gotta be a couple hundred bucks of Chinese.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know. I don't pay for it. That's all on daddy.

[Sage Foley]

What do you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Bunny rabbit.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Wait.

[Sage Foley]

And the four. And the four. You sit down as a divorced family in your mom's house and have a chance Chinese feast.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, we go out to a restaurant.

[Sage Foley]

Oh, that's different.

[Brendan Sagalo]

We'll go to a restaurant and we'll eat Chinese.

[Sage Foley]

Oh, that's a nice Chinese restaurant. Yeah, that's completely different.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah. And we'll. I mean, nice. A nice Chinese restaurant is still like, what? Like, that's not that great.

[Sage Foley]

I love them though.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Chinese restaurants and. Yeah, we, we. They. They still are in contact and stuff. I mean my, my, my therapist is like, it's weird. And I'm like, is it weird? He's like, yeah, it's. Your family's like trying to keep itself together. Other.

[Sage Foley]

I like that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, man.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I mean, yeah, you could write a book on that day alone. That's crazy.

[Sage Foley]

Is your bed on the floor?

[Brendan Sagalo]

My current bed? No, no.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You live with the girl.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, I'm. Hey, I'm as. As trashy as I am. I still like a bed above the floor. Like I like, I like, I like my place clean.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah. Nobody likes it on the floor. It's due to circumstances.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know we got you hard to get up. You ever wake up in the morning,

[Kevin James Ryan]

gotta do a sit up?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Ah, but I like, I'm a clean freak. I like, I like organization in my apartment. I like it all clean and, and places and things put. And every year I'll do a. Like a. I'll clean. Like I'll do a clean for.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Usually clean more than once a year.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, but I'll like, I'll like a

[Kevin James Ryan]

bit of a wacko. I run the vacuum every year. January 1st.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. I let the Roomba just go crazy.

[Sage Foley]

You have a room? Roomba?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no. I don't have enough room for a Roomba. That'd be like getting a dog in. In a New York apartment.

[Sage Foley]

Do you have a dishwasher?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I would have to put the Roomba out. Out back to get its energy out. Look at him go.

[Kevin James Ryan]

You got him chained up.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Look at him run. What were you asking? Do I have a dishwasher? Yeah. No, no, it's. I'm the dishwasher.

[Sage Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do you enjoy the movie Four Brothers?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Except you. When what's his name gets shot. I don't like that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Who?

[Brendan Sagalo]

The Jack, the white kid.

[Sage Foley]

I didn't see it yet.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Cracker Jack.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Did you?

[Sage Foley]

Yeah, in the late 90s, early 2000s. Did you enjoy a CBS show entitled Becker?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I don't even know what that is.

[Sage Foley]

Excellent.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What's Becker?

[Kevin James Ryan]

A man of his, his stature wouldn't know that.

[Sage Foley]

Do you like cottage cheese?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, I don't like stunt at all. I'm more of an American cheese kind of guy. And I'll, you know, I'll sometimes if I don't do this anymore, but I used to love having the. You get the American cheese and just go down to the fridge, open it

[Kevin James Ryan]

up, throw a cheese like the pre. Like the craft singles or like you go to the deli and get it sliced.

[Brendan Sagalo]

The craft singles.

[Sage Foley]

I mean, you love taking a slice of cheese out of the fridge.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. Needing it. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

But craft.

[Sage Foley]

You're not the first one I've heard say that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's great. It's great.

[Sage Foley]

It.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It's how I get my pills.

[Sage Foley]

It's real dog trying to give the roomba pills,

[Kevin James Ryan]

keep spitting them out.

[Sage Foley]

Have you ever had your belly button pierced?

[Kevin James Ryan]

No.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. That's crazy.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What'd you call the remote?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Growing up, we would call it the Remote, but I knew some people that would call it the Clicker.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Clicker.

[Brendan Sagalo]

The Clicker. Yeah, it's good.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Have you ever named a pet in a voicemail? Like you reach Brendan, Megan and Daisy and Ruffles?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. No, because I. No, I never did the voicemails when I. Yeah, no. And I've always had a cell phone, so.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Did you ever have any ring back tones?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I did.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What you have.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I had. I think.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Now, was this your ringtone or when I called you?

[Brendan Sagalo]

When you called me. I think Chingy would play and it'd be like, hotel. The hotel, you know, whatever. What song is that?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, Keys to the Hotel.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That one. No, no, no. What's the chingy one with Snoop Dogg and the. The hotel. What's that called? I don't know, but that.

[Kevin James Ryan]

See if you can find Chingy or.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Or like a sum 41 song song or something like that.

[Sage Foley]

You ever listen to Taking Back Sunday?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Hell yeah. They're from Long Island.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Holiday Inn. The Holiday Inn at the holiday holiday. A 12 pack of Corona.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go. Hello. Sorry it's so loud at the mall right now. What's up?

[Kevin James Ryan]

What's up? You got bull?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is bull. Go bet one. And I'd hang up and I go, one. Like I turn.

[Sage Foley]

Have you ever tagged anything or graffitied?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, this week. Yeah. Go check the bathroom.

[Brendan Sagalo]

One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I got hammered.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Hammered.

[Brendan Sagalo]

And I was. And I found spray can spray paint. And I just started spraying the ground and spraying walls and where. I don't really want to say. Yeah, sure, it might incriminate me a little bit, but yeah.

[Sage Foley]

You've ratted everybody else out.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Really. Mum's the word when it comes to his own crime?

[Sage Foley]

I see how it is state's evidence over here. Witch sack. Is your name really Brendan or what? Bird.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Burger. Burger. Sagalo. I mean, you know, when.

[Brendan Sagalo]

What a ride.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What kind of luggage do you have?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I have a trash bag. It's A. It's a bandana on a stick. I know. I have a name brand luggage. I have. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't know. I, I. My. My. One of my girls, one of my girlfriends got it for me when I. Like years and years ago. And I still use. Use it. It's all torn up and stickers are put on it. I accidentally. I was. I was in LaGuardia and I was on. I was just hanging, you know, that's where I sleep sometimes. And I was at the top of the escalator and I let go of the luggage and just went down the escalator and it's destroyed. It's like. But still works, like, still zips up and stuff. So I didn't hit anybody? No. Thank God.

[Sage Foley]

I always worry about that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. I'm like. Like, if anybody, they would have been.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Pow.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Fell right to the ground. So.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, I mean, what was the last time I got this. When was the last time you played laser tag?

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was a while ago, but it was an option recently.

[Sage Foley]

We.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I was hanging out with my girlfriend and her brothers and we were like, she has younger brothers. And we were like, should we laser tag? But instead we went on that thing where you like, climb it and like, you got a harness and you're like clicked to a thing.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What are you climbing? Was this in a mall?

[Sage Foley]

Urban air?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Was this urban air, maybe?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No, no, no. It was in Virginia somewhere. But you would like, walk on like ropes and stuff. It was like a jungle gym. Yeah. And so that's what we just recently. And. And mini putt. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

In Virginia.

[Brendan Sagalo]

In Virginia.

[Sage Foley]

What are you doing down there? Shows. Family.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I was visiting her family in Richmond.

[Sage Foley]

Huh.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Or Norfolk or some Interesting. Yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Do you have godparents?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yes, I do. My. My older cousin and my uncle. My uncle Billy.

[Sage Foley]

And the older cousin's a woman, right?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jill. Jill, yeah.

[Sage Foley]

Jill and Billy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Jill and Billy. Yeah. Those are my. I got confirmed. I got. What the other ones.

[Sage Foley]

Communion, Baptism.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yep. I got a confirmation name, all that stuff.

[Sage Foley]

What's your confirmation name?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Francis.

[Sage Foley]

That's not bad.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I like that. I got it because I was really

[Sage Foley]

gonna be like Captain Planet. I got Red Ranger.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Brendan, the real one. Sa.

[Brendan Sagalo]

The Hamburglar. I got it because the older brother in Malcolm in the Middle's name was Francis. And I always like that. So that's why I got that.

[Sage Foley]

You're a big Malcolm in the Middle guy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Loved Malcolm in the Middle.

[Sage Foley]

I didn't watch.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I thought it was one of the best shows. Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was great.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was really funny.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah. Home run.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah.

[Kevin James Ryan]

No, Becker. But, you know, I mean, this kid's trash. I don't know what you want for me.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Well, how can I. Can I. Can I save this? Is there any.

[Sage Foley]

Save it, buddy. You're.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Maybe there's classy things I do as well.

[Kevin James Ryan]

What do you think?

[Sage Foley]

We should be holding you up like Simba. Are you kidding me? This is legendary.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah. You should have a picture of me in here.

[Sage Foley]

We should.

[Brendan Sagalo]

You should have a wall of people that are like.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's pretty good, Trashy. That's pretty good.

[Sage Foley]

It's not bad.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Cut that. That's my idea. We should have a picture of you on the wall.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Good job.

[Sage Foley]

What do you think you could say,

[Kevin James Ryan]

like, what is the classic.

[Sage Foley]

We tried to give you out with the massage and you're getting jacked off.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, I know, but. No, the steakhouse. I do like steaks out steakhouse and stuff like that.

[Sage Foley]

Can I push back on that?

[Brendan Sagalo]

Oh, my God. Please.

[Sage Foley]

I'm pretty sure your dad picked up that check.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Why do you think so?

[Sage Foley]

Because I remember you telling me and he did.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yes.

[Kevin James Ryan]

All right. Damn it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was a birthday present.

[Sage Foley]

It was a birthday.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was a birthday present.

[Kevin James Ryan]

That's a big Easter egg.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Yeah, it came in the golden one. That was a dark egg. It was my birthday present, so technically, I picked it up.

[Sage Foley]

Who picked up the check? I let it slide for a little while, but you got dirt bag.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I respect that. Let him hang himself.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I hate being caught in a lie.

[Sage Foley]

I love it.

[Brendan Sagalo]

No.

[Sage Foley]

What do you think you could tell us?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I like nice cars, I guess.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Do you have a nice car?

[Sage Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Have you ever been in a nice car?

[Brendan Sagalo]

No. I have a nice car tattooed on me.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah, that's not it, man.

[Sage Foley]

Do you read?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I listen to audiobooks and I'm pretty balls deep in the hobbit right now.

[Sage Foley]

You're audiobook and a hustler.

[Kevin James Ryan]

I still can't get over it.

[Sage Foley]

What, did you shock yourself?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I don't know. I slammed my teeth on the microphone.

[Sage Foley]

This kid's a natural.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Right here. Remember when he said, yeah, go to, like, Aruba or something? And then had never gone to a room?

[Brendan Sagalo]

I've never been invited, actually, but I would. I would do that gig for the trip.

[Kevin James Ryan]

He also. He led with the ruba when he had been.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I wish Disney World had a fucking comedy club in it.

[Sage Foley]

I want to do that Aruba junk. Dope.

[Brendan Sagalo]

I know. I want to do it.

[Sage Foley]

I mean, dude, that's all I ever Saw and, you know, we were up here. It's. This one's going to Aruba.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Just go to Aruba, I guess. So why do you want to get. To get on vacation? Why do you want to bomb in the lobby? Yeah, that.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That's hilarious, dude. All right, we got to wrap it up. Sag Daddy Podcast, Sag Daddy, the Pod Plug away, as well as Fart Carnival, and I'm hitting the road. I got a lot of road gig gigs coming up, and I'm really loving it. My hour is getting there, and I. I'd love more people to come come out and see it. So. Brennan sagalo.com punchup live Brennan Sagalo. To be on my email list. I won't bother you. I won't spam you, but I'll let you know when I'm in your city and just come out.

[Sage Foley]

Yeah, you just. You did the Are you garbage and friend show with us.

[Kevin James Ryan]

Yeah.

[Brendan Sagalo]

That was so fun, man.

[Sage Foley]

He came up on stage.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Thank you. Yeah. Monster. It was so good. I mean, what a good show. And then, like, and, like, Nate and. And Dan, and it was.

[Kevin James Ryan]

It was.

[Brendan Sagalo]

It was all great.

[Sage Foley]

Everybody loves Sag Daddy.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Thank you. And I love you. We love you, buddy, too.

[Sage Foley]

Kippy. What do you got for him?

[Kevin James Ryan]

Guys, we're over the road. We got Portland, Maine, coming up. That's a small room. Get those tickets. I think two or three of the shows are already sold out, so snooze, you lose. Then we got Pittsburgh to with the improv. Then we got a weekend in Cleveland. Hilarities. Get those freaking tickets. And Atlantic City, the boys are coming in hot.

[Sage Foley]

Let's go, baby. See you, A.C. sags. We love you.

[Brendan Sagalo]

Love you, too. Guys.

[Sage Foley]

Gang, we love you. See you next week. Peace.