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Sage Foley
New Jersey, Philadelphia, Delaware. You're heading down the shore this summer.
Brendan Sagalo
Of course you are.
Sage Foley
July 10, the boys are going to be at the Hard Rock Hotel and Casino. Come out for a little ayg live.
Kevin James Ryan
Yes. And before that we're going to be in Portland, Maine at Empire Comedy Club. Tickets going fast. Then we're going to be in Pittsburgh at the Pittsburgh Improv. And then hilarities in Cleveland, Ohio. Get your tickets. Are you garbage.com? stand up comedy. Play ayg with the crowd. It's a good, good time. We'll see you there.
Sage Foley
Best summer ever. Hey everybody out there. And welco, welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.
Kevin James Ryan
Hey Ye.
Sage Foley
It's our little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy. Okay, just a big old piece of trash. Trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, Sage Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She just picked up a six foot tank for the weekend.
Kevin James Ryan
Nitrous. Woo. All right.
Sage Foley
She's about to have her wisdom teeth pulled.
Kevin James Ryan
Gonna do it herself.
Sage Foley
My coat is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are youe Garbage? He's a bit of an international businessman and thank God, my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for kj Kevin James Ryan everybody.
Kevin James Ryan
What up gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing a friggin charts. God dang it. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that freaking bonus content. Gang enjoying the 16,000 people we got going on.
Sage Foley
Yes sir. Shout out to the army of garbage. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredib and I mean incredibly special guest finally back with us again today.
Kevin James Ryan
Uh huh.
Sage Foley
We've known him since Moses wore short pants. Came up on the goddamn streets together. Very funny. Standup comedian and actor. Voiceover, actor, podcaster. Yeah, freestyle rapper.
Brendan Sagalo
You better believe it.
Kevin James Ryan
Written rhyme to recording artist on Interscope Records.
Sage Foley
You can hear him every week on Sag Daddy, the podcast. Give it up for Mr. Brendan Sagalo.
Brendan Sagalo
Thank you guys. Sag Daddy. And I've got something for you, Gu. Remember when you were first starting this show and we were both doing a show with the name Garbage in it? Remember you Hit me up. I had a show called Garbage Days. Hugely successful. Another podcast called Garbage days with Scott Chaplin. And Foley calls me and he goes, hey, man, we're thinking about doing a show called are you garbage? You got garbage in the name. Do you mind if we also do that? And I literally. What did I say to you? I go, we're both gonna fail. Who cares?
Kevin James Ryan
Good luck.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I was like, all right, good luck.
Sage Foley
But I preface it with the fact we had been.
Brendan Sagalo
Do.
Sage Foley
We've been playing are you garbage on the old podcast for like a year.
Kevin James Ryan
Yes, I remember the show. I don't remember.
Sage Foley
That's what. I was running the goddamn business. Well, the fact in the day on the streets when you had to use a little muscle.
Brendan Sagalo
That's right.
Sage Foley
Not your second generation. This is. Me and Sagala were running molasses out of Canada. You were in at Princeton.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, just.
Kevin James Ryan
What was I doing here?
Sage Foley
I don't know.
Brendan Sagalo
Imagine if I said to you, like, yeah, I kind of have a problem with that. And you're recalling the show now. Like, are you.
Kevin James Ryan
You know, we'd have you whacked or something. We were. We were ask.
Brendan Sagalo
We weren't really asking.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, yeah.
Sage Foley
I was doing it anyway, for sure.
Kevin James Ryan
You know, it's like when you.
Sage Foley
We got our first podcast.
Kevin James Ryan
We were just checking in. You know what I mean? Like, hey, just letting you know we're operating in your backyard.
Brendan Sagalo
Right, right, right, right, right. Well, I'll tell you what. That the. You can operate in the backyard all you want. The house is burned down. So, yeah, go. Go hang out in the backyard.
Sage Foley
We're also changing Luke's name to Brendan Sagalo. Hope that's okay. You're cool with that, right?
Kevin James Ryan
AKA SAG Daddy, the prince.
Brendan Sagalo
All right, that's fine. Take it. All right.
Sage Foley
We. I mean, we know you're trash.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, of course.
Kevin James Ryan
We're all.
Brendan Sagalo
Look at me.
Kevin James Ryan
What?
Brendan Sagalo
I actually think I'm pretty classy.
Kevin James Ryan
Shout out to the big dogs T shirt, the gold and silver bracelets and brand new tattoo.
Brendan Sagalo
If a dog free tattoo. This. This guy who came to a show, went to my hotel room this weekend and just, like, did a tattoo.
Kevin James Ryan
Well, I saw that done in the hotel room.
Brendan Sagalo
I got it done in the hotel room.
Sage Foley
That's actually pretty classy.
Brendan Sagalo
It's pretty punk rock in a way.
Kevin James Ryan
I felt like, yeah, that's pretty. That's pretty rich guy shit. When you get famous, guys, when you
Sage Foley
get your hair, you get your haircut done in the green room.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have a haircut guy. That comes with me to the Alpharetta little room
Sage Foley
over in the lab.
Brendan Sagalo
Over in the lab. The helium lab in the other room.
Sage Foley
But I imagine this was probably a.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah. What kind of hotel room was it?
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know. They just put me in hotel rooms and I just stay there. I should do.
Kevin James Ryan
Also, another rich guy answer.
Brendan Sagalo
I know.
Sage Foley
It wasn't a Four Seasons, was it?
Brendan Sagalo
No, of course not.
Kevin James Ryan
It wasn't a one.
Brendan Sagalo
No, no. I had. The hotel room had.
Sage Foley
The window was broke.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah. No, it had, like, the hotel had, like, things all over the walls, like right above the bed. It said, sleep well or something like that. It was. It was horrible.
Kevin James Ryan
I think that's a metal. What city?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. And they gave me my own jacket, my own Snuggie.
Kevin James Ryan
What. What town. What city was this in?
Brendan Sagalo
Alpharetta. Atlanta.
Kevin James Ryan
Alpharetta.
Brendan Sagalo
Alpharetta, Georgia. Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
What's there?
Brendan Sagalo
Helium.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, the helium's in Alpha.
Brendan Sagalo
Helia. Is in Alpharetta.
Kevin James Ryan
Great club.
Sage Foley
Okay, so you're in Atlanta.
Brendan Sagalo
It's a great club. I was in Atlanta, but, yeah, the town is Alpharetta. Yeah, but. Which is like 40 minutes outside, whatever. But yeah, yeah. I mean, it was. It was so boring.
Sage Foley
Sounds like an old black lady.
Brendan Sagalo
Alpharetta.
Kevin James Ryan
I talked. Alpharetta.
Brendan Sagalo
We're gonna cut that out. You know, I, I. As I was saying it, I went, this is not gonna be.
Kevin James Ryan
At first, I went, he's going out on a.
Brendan Sagalo
Not gonna be good.
Kevin James Ryan
I semi tried it.
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no. You bailed. You. And I'm not jumping out of the plane. Yeah, you had. I think we're a little too close to the ground to jump out the plane.
Sage Foley
Sweet Lord. Alpharetta. Sagolo came in today and he was singing a. A police song that I. That I've been listening to. Yes. Love the video. They're on the train.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I don't know the video.
Sage Foley
Great video. Great song.
Kevin James Ryan
That's how he consumes music.
Brendan Sagalo
Is just music videos.
Sage Foley
Yeah. On YouTube. I watch. I watch everything.
Kevin James Ryan
It's wild.
Sage Foley
Watch it on YouTube.
Brendan Sagalo
That's how you, when you're traveling, you watch it on YouTube while you're traveling, like in your car or something.
Sage Foley
My car.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, uses.
Brendan Sagalo
You have a car?
Sage Foley
I do, but suspended.
Brendan Sagalo
No, in the car.
Sage Foley
In the car.
Brendan Sagalo
What? Why?
Sage Foley
I never turned my plates in when I switch.
Kevin James Ryan
Long night now for Retta.
Brendan Sagalo
You never turn your plates in?
Sage Foley
I didn't turn my plates in when I got a new lease and they suspended my license for, like, almost a year.
Brendan Sagalo
Jesus Christ.
Sage Foley
Starting in March. But I had it taken care of, so I get it back in June.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay.
Sage Foley
Back on the streets, riding dirty.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay.
Sage Foley
But I do use YouTube on that as well.
Brendan Sagalo
Strange. Yeah, that's strange.
Sage Foley
I know.
Kevin James Ryan
You're gonna play next to him. He's looking at videos.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, what I do is. So every year on June 1st, January
Sage Foley
1st, we preface this for you before you get into this.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay.
Sage Foley
This is the thing. He's singing a police song.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
So lonely. Great song.
Brendan Sagalo
Whatever.
Sage Foley
He follows it up with a selection, a selection from the Disney animated series. Disney animated cartoon? I guess Hercules.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I mean, I'll say.
Sage Foley
Basically a show tune. You're seeing musicals on your playlist?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, of course. I have a playlist called the Masturbation Compilation. I make it in every year. And I love. I mean, the Hercules soundtrack is one of the best soundtracks in the world. And I'm looking at your eyes right now. I'm not convincing you. But the. The song is that.
Kevin James Ryan
That also folded real quick.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
I can see it in your ass.
Brendan Sagalo
I know what I'm teamed up against. Do you make.
Sage Foley
Do you make a playlist for the entire year?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. And I just feed songs that I like into it, and I just keep listening to it over and over.
Kevin James Ryan
And then at the end of the
Brendan Sagalo
year, first week's pretty rough. I'm just listening to so Lonely for one. For a whole week?
Sage Foley
You don't do it all in one day. Like, you know, on New Year's Day, you don't sit and put, like, 4,000 songs in it.
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no.
Kevin James Ryan
Then do you shelf that at the end of the year?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I'll listen to it again. But I usually start fresh. I start fresh. Yeah, yeah.
Sage Foley
And how many show tunes would you say?
Brendan Sagalo
Tons, dude. It's filled with Disney songs.
Kevin James Ryan
He's a Disney adult.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm not a Disney adult. Okay, you're not.
Kevin James Ryan
Not a Disney adult.
Brendan Sagalo
I like. I'm an adult. I'm a. I like Disney and I'm 35.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay. My apologies.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay, so that's what my lawyer would say. Go. You're on.
Kevin James Ryan
It's guys. These barely an adult.
Sage Foley
It's the Disney thing. But not, like, you don't have things from, like, Chicago in there, do you?
Brendan Sagalo
Or, like, I have stuff from, like, Book of Mormon and stuff on there.
Sage Foley
Give you that?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah.
Sage Foley
You're a South park guy.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I love Broadway as well, so. Pretty classy as well.
Kevin James Ryan
That is.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm trying to. I'm trying to win.
Sage Foley
I didn't know that about you, I didn't know you loved.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, that's a fun.
Brendan Sagalo
That's ask a fucking question once in a while.
Kevin James Ryan
Hey, why don't you call me?
Brendan Sagalo
Hey, call me every now and then.
Kevin James Ryan
That's pretty funny. Prove to us why you think you're. How much? Okay, class. You got jewelry on.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
How much was that jewelry?
Brendan Sagalo
It was a couple hundred for both of these.
Kevin James Ryan
So.
Brendan Sagalo
So it's not really real. I don't need to get insurance on it. I almost stopped wearing these.
Kevin James Ryan
I never heard of that.
Brendan Sagalo
The people have insurance on their jewelry. Did you know that's all fake too?
Kevin James Ryan
I don't roll with.
Sage Foley
I heard Fetty Wap or somebody talking about that. What do you mean that they all. It's all fake?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Like, if they're. If they're going somewhere, they're like, why would I wear the real thing?
Brendan Sagalo
I know. Yeah. Well, I got this one for Christmas from my.
Sage Foley
No idea who Fetty Wap is, by the way.
Brendan Sagalo
Fetty Wap sings Trap Queen. So I got this from my lady, which was about like 300 bucks, I think. And this is like, aund. Something. 200 bucks.
Kevin James Ryan
Where do you go? Does Jacob do those for you?
Sage Foley
He's got Jared.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I have. I have his name tattooed on me. Jacob.
Kevin James Ryan
Holy. You do?
Sage Foley
Who's Jacob?
Brendan Sagalo
Jacob is my best friend since we were in, like, first grade.
Sage Foley
Like, he died?
Brendan Sagalo
Nah, he's still alive. I'm going to his wedding next week.
Kevin James Ryan
He did get a dui, though. That was when he got. When they put him on arrest. I got a tattoo.
Sage Foley
I went free.
Brendan Sagalo
Jacob, wait.
Sage Foley
You have the tattoo of a man who's still alive? That isn't your father.
Brendan Sagalo
He's more healthier than me.
Kevin James Ryan
This guy's alive and kicking.
Brendan Sagalo
He's doing great. He works out every day. He's very healthy. I'm going to his wedding in two weeks.
Sage Foley
Does he have your name tattooed on your arm?
Brendan Sagalo
He does not. No.
Kevin James Ryan
That's a wild upper hand.
Sage Foley
What the is going on?
Brendan Sagalo
When I was.
Sage Foley
How did I not know it?
Brendan Sagalo
When we were.
Kevin James Ryan
When we were younger, what sparked it?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I visited him. I. I would go visit him in college.
Sage Foley
Because you're in love with this guy?
Kevin James Ryan
Well, he got friend zoned.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, I think I like you. Just not like that, bro.
Brendan Sagalo
I love you.
Sage Foley
Let it go. Let it go.
Brendan Sagalo
I would go.
Sage Foley
Jacob. Doesn't bother me anyway. It's frozen.
Brendan Sagalo
It's frozen. God. It's on my playlist.
Sage Foley
He doesn't know it.
Brendan Sagalo
You don't know frozen.
Sage Foley
That's a goddamn banger.
Kevin James Ryan
I know it. Don't you have a little baby?
Brendan Sagalo
I do. Yeah. You gotta watch Frozen.
Sage Foley
He's starting to know. He's starting to learn.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, watch Hercules. Bro, if there's a price for rotten judgment, I'm alright. I guess I've already won that. Anyway, so I would visit him.
Kevin James Ryan
I do love how I was like, prove that you're classy. We got to the bracelets and found out he had another man's name tattooed on him. And we completely. He literally got one decent thing of like I got. I got these bracelets and then that's, that's, that's the best case for yours. You could make for yourself.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm so far into garbage, I could never.
Sage Foley
How have we not known that you had that tattoo?
Kevin James Ryan
All right.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't really brag about it or anything, to be honest. I mean, so I would go visit. I. You know, a bunch of my friends went to the same college. Including Binghamton University.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
So I would go up there right
Kevin James Ryan
next to the state penitentiary.
Brendan Sagalo
Binghamton is a rough.
Sage Foley
Where they make a race.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I mean my.
Kevin James Ryan
It's pretty good.
Brendan Sagalo
One of my buddies bought a. Bought a. What's that? What's. It's like a gun for arrows. What's that called? Crossbow. Yeah, my buddy bought a crossbow and he's like, bro, we just got a crossbow. You gotta come up to Binghamton.
Kevin James Ryan
She jump in the car for seven hours.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. And I went, I went straight to Binghamton and we just shot crossbows at the wall that they were.
Kevin James Ryan
Now, were they selling drugs? It sounds like somebody would. Who was selling weed.
Brendan Sagalo
My one buddy had. Yes.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah. Would buy a cross.
Sage Foley
Very good. Very good.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, we're the same. We're essentially the same people.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Sage Foley
Same generation.
Kevin James Ryan
I'm a little older, but.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're pretty much. How old are you?
Kevin James Ryan
39.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, okay, same.
Sage Foley
But porn, Maximum magazine, all that kind of.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, bro.
Kevin James Ryan
I mean, fhm.
Brendan Sagalo
I did the deep cuts fisheye lens with like Malcolm in the Middle T shirts on and stuff like that. That's, that's, that's all that like goo. Remember how big like, like radiation goo was in the 90s and like that. You know what I'm talking about?
Sage Foley
Slime.
Kevin James Ryan
Slime.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Any.
Brendan Sagalo
Yes, sorry.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah. Slime for the old heads. Whatever. Pop up. Hey, second, let's get out of here like on Nickelodeon.
Brendan Sagalo
So. Yeah, to make a long story short, I went up there and we were just laughing about. It was always a running joke because we were like. We were best friends. Like we got attached at the hip in high school. That was the thing we got.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, like your award?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, the award we got. What is that called? Whatever. We got that Gas Dudes award. You man. Yeah, this. The principal was like. And for the biggest homos we have
Kevin James Ryan
Brendan go to and the guy.
Brendan Sagalo
We had a. We had a fate when. When Facebook first started and we were like, we were like, let's just create our own Facebook because we wanted to look at a buddy's girlfriend and like, see if she was hot. And you know, cuz we're not gay. And we, we, we.
Kevin James Ryan
She's gross.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, we go, ooh, in that dress with that top.
Sage Foley
Wait, you guys started a Facebook page
Brendan Sagalo
for years together together called Jaco Brendan.
Kevin James Ryan
So you're in love with this?
Brendan Sagalo
J, A, C O, P, R, E, N. I don't know, dude. Fuck you. Fuck you guys.
Kevin James Ryan
You're gonna object at the wedding.
Brendan Sagalo
How dare you.
Kevin James Ryan
I object.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. I'm gonna. I'm gonna be hitting the glass. Jacob.
Kevin James Ryan
She doesn't even have her name tattooed on you.
Brendan Sagalo
Anyway, so we. It was always a running joke that we would get. I would get his name tattooed on me and I had a bunch of tattoos I was getting, so I didn't really give a shit. Like, this whole arm is full of like, I don't care.
Sage Foley
And is it.
Brendan Sagalo
So is this arm too. And so we were like, we on the way to the tattoo place.
Sage Foley
That's a heart shaped grenade, right?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
So.
Brendan Sagalo
Because I wear my heart on my sleeve. Ladies, are there any goth fat girls that listen to this?
Kevin James Ryan
Probably, yeah.
Sage Foley
Shout out to the beautiful girls.
Kevin James Ryan
Shout out to all the beautiful girls.
Brendan Sagalo
Hell yeah. Yeah. So. And on the way there, we were like, well, what's it gonna look like? And all that stuff. And I was like. And they were. Someone, someone was like. Someone was like, we should put it in an anchor. And I went. And then someone was like, like, have the squid. We went as a group, like all my friends went. And we were laughing and giggling the entire time.
Sage Foley
It's not bad.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. It's horrible.
Sage Foley
What are you talking?
Brendan Sagalo
We asked the guy to make the eyes high. We went, can you make the eyes.
Kevin James Ryan
Be honest with you, it's changed. It's faded to the point where like, I remember seeing old men who were in the Navy. Like, that's what that looks. It's. I can't be that old to fade that much.
Brendan Sagalo
I got it when I was like 21, I think. Okay, so. And then Clover really adds to it above it. I will.
Kevin James Ryan
Clover.
Brendan Sagalo
I got when I was 16. But anyway, whatever.
Kevin James Ryan
What is this?
Brendan Sagalo
You know? But are you going.
Kevin James Ryan
This is Garbage days.
Brendan Sagalo
Garbage days. So we. The biggest regret I think of it, I'll tell you this is right before unrequited love.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. It just could never work. Is right before we got it done. He go, we said to the tattoo guy, we go, oh, add a pirate hat to it. And the guy. I thought it was going to be like a pirate hat, like a. Like a cartoon Captain Crunch pirate hat. This guy did like a realistic pirate hat. And now it looks like a.
Sage Foley
It looks like a slice of watermelon.
Brendan Sagalo
It looks like a penis.
Kevin James Ryan
I thought it's a.
Brendan Sagalo
It's another man's name wrapped in a penis.
Kevin James Ryan
What's. Yeah. What's this circle?
Sage Foley
Bit of a turn on, if you ask me.
Brendan Sagalo
The anchor, I guess.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, the top of the anchor.
Brendan Sagalo
So it's an anchor that makes.
Sage Foley
On his watch.
Brendan Sagalo
What?
Kevin James Ryan
I thought it was a duck, if I'm being honest with you.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, yeah. And Jacob's always like, hey man, you can get that covered. And I was, yeah, maybe. I don't know.
Kevin James Ryan
Hey man, things are getting pretty serious with my girl.
Brendan Sagalo
Why don't you cover that up?
Sage Foley
Are you the best?
Brendan Sagalo
I'm going to be wearing a suit without. Without sleeves.
Sage Foley
Are you the best man in the wedding?
Brendan Sagalo
I'm not. He has a brother.
Sage Foley
So are you in the wedding party?
Brendan Sagalo
I am in the wedding party. I'm wearing a tux. Again with the sleeves cut off.
Kevin James Ryan
You're such a derpy. I am wearing a tux.
Brendan Sagalo
I am wearing a tux. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Wait, hold on. Are you officially in the wedding party or are you just wearing a tux? Cuz the other groomsmen are.
Kevin James Ryan
I got a feeling he's not in the wedding. No.
Brendan Sagalo
None of the other groomsmen are wearing tux. I'm wearing one. One tux with the tail going out. No, I. Everybody's wearing tuxes.
Sage Foley
So you're in the.
Brendan Sagalo
You're. I'm in the wedding.
Kevin James Ryan
You're standing up there with him. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Are you first behind his brother, I hope.
Brendan Sagalo
I mean, I got his name tattooed on me, for Christ's sake. The fact that I'm not the best man is going to be.
Kevin James Ryan
Jacob.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
Are you. Are you making a speech?
Brendan Sagalo
No. Should I?
Sage Foley
No. Not if you weren't asked.
Brendan Sagalo
I. I might freestyle something like that. Jacob, don't get married. I love you anyway. Anyway. So when are we recording
Sage Foley
the duality?
Brendan Sagalo
Well, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Spell that this is pretty one way. I don't know what you're talking about.
Sage Foley
Well, he listens to musicals.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm a pretty.
Kevin James Ryan
He's got the brain of an 8 year old. What are you talking about?
Sage Foley
Baby shark.
Brendan Sagalo
Have you guys heard this sick baby shark song? I'm going to see Teletubbies at Wembley Stadium if you guys want to come.
Sage Foley
What was your first concert?
Brendan Sagalo
The Beach Boys. The Beach Boys. I was at a fair and I was a little baby.
Kevin James Ryan
That's okay.
Brendan Sagalo
But first.
Kevin James Ryan
First ever referred to themselves at a concert as a baby.
Brendan Sagalo
I was. I was a little baby.
Sage Foley
We talking Kokomo? Was that when that was going on?
Brendan Sagalo
I think. I don't know, but it was, it was a cool fair. There was a bunch of hot air balloons that were getting. That were taken off and it was cool.
Sage Foley
That's pretty Long Island.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know where it was.
Kevin James Ryan
I was a little bit after.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't, I don't remember.
Kevin James Ryan
Stop calling yourself I was a little baby.
Brendan Sagalo
I was 13 years old. No, but the first concert I went to as an adult. I don't know, as somebody who like bought tickets, right? And was like, I'm going to a concert.
Sage Foley
Can we guess?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. You'll never guess it. You'll never guess.
Kevin James Ryan
Were they releasing music when you were that 8? What? How old were you?
Brendan Sagalo
I was like 13.
Kevin James Ryan
So 2005, maybe like 20, 17. Oh, Jesus.
Sage Foley
Is it. Is it in your vernacular that would
Brendan Sagalo
make me 16 years old.
Sage Foley
Is it in your popular music vernacular that we would know of the Brendan we know?
Brendan Sagalo
Well, I mean, my music is obviously all over the place, so I really don't think you would guess it. But I do think it would fit into the, you know, you'd go, of course, maybe.
Sage Foley
Is it hip hop? Rock?
Brendan Sagalo
It's rock. Let me just tell you. Yeah, it was. You'll never guess.
Kevin James Ryan
Really.
Brendan Sagalo
You'll never get. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm Steve Harvey. I, I. Steve Harvey and family feel. I go, let me just tell you what it is.
Sage Foley
I like sex. Put me in my place.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I go, I'm just gonna tell you. I'm sick of guessing.
Sage Foley
Bit of a turn on.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, okay, maybe I'll get your name tattooed on me.
Kevin James Ryan
I come in tomorrow, you got Brendan.
Sage Foley
What'd you guys do last night?
Brendan Sagalo
You go, I got him hammered, man. What is my. My neck hurt.
Sage Foley
Can't be no Fabletics.
Kevin James Ryan
I love Fabletics.
Sage Foley
You're a big Fabletics guy. Well, I'm going to tell you something right now. You better start Moving over. Uncle Hank's down a few pounds.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I'm getting a little more active, a little more movement.
Sage Foley
That's right. And I want to be looking for some fitness wear. You know what I'm talking about? Point me in the right direction over there. Fabletics. Let me know what's going on.
Kevin James Ryan
I will. I'm a big fan of the joggers. We spent whatever the whole time we were in la. I don't think I got out of the joggers. I travel on them. I wear them around the house. They make me. I gotta. I gotta get about five more pairs of these, Jones, because I'm wearing the heck out of them. They cut well, look good, but you're not like, you don't look like. For me, I'm not trying too hard.
Sage Foley
You know what I mean? What you should do here.
Kevin James Ryan
I'm a big fan of the joggers. And when you sign up for VIP with Fabletics, you get 70 to 80% off of everything. It makes it easy to grab multiple workout shirts, shorts, lounge pieces, everyday staples for the summer without overthinking it. You can look. They see what they have as a total, as like a package, as a uniform, as an outfit. They have, like we said, the versatile pieces that you can wear throughout the day. I can wear them on a workout, like I said, I wear them traveling. I wear them running errands. I wear them walking the dog. I wear them hanging out with my baby and still feel put together because it's. It makes. There's things about bozos like us. You just got to increase a little bit. And you go, I feel nice. I feel fancy. Yes.
Sage Foley
A little bit of 5% twist.
Kevin James Ryan
That's all you need to just elevate your game a smidge. Shop right now fabletics.com garbage and get 70 to 80% off of everything. When you sign up as a new vip, take a quick style quiz, which I took very quick. And be sure to select garbage when prompted to unlock this offer. There's a limited time offer, so don't wait again, that's fabletics.com garbage for 70. 80% off everything as a new VIP. Do it.
Sage Foley
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Yes, summer's here. Okay. As we know, Uncle Hank, very, very serious mental health journey. Yes. Start it with BetterHelp.
Brendan Sagalo
Let's go.
Sage Foley
Do yourself a favor. Whether you got something big going on, something small going on, you have a milestone in your life that you have to overcome that you have to talk your way through.
Kevin James Ryan
Mm.
Sage Foley
Go to go Go to a professional.
Kevin James Ryan
Yes.
Sage Foley
And get yourself the help that you need. If you need it, you got something small going on. Makes it easy. Yes, it really makes it easy. It honestly has changed my life.
Kevin James Ryan
That's good to hear. And I can. I can second that. And Better help has over 30,000 therapists. Better help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 6 million people globally. And it works with an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for live session based on over 1.7 million client reviews. The proof is in the numbers, baby. Better Help. Does the initial matchmaking work for you so you can focus on your therapy goals? And I've always said therapy can be overwhelming and daunting to think about, of calling somebody up, making this stuff, making these appointments, finding out if they're right for you. Let Better Help do it. You can get in the pool. It's just. You step into the pool instead of jumping in. You walk down the stairs. You get in, you go, hey, this might be my guy. This might not be my guy. Let me try again. But at least you're. The ball is rolling and you're working on yourself, which I am a big fan of. You don't have to say yes to everything this summer. Find support in therapy. Sign up and get 10 off@betterhelp.com garbage. That's betterhelp hlp.com garbage.
Brendan Sagalo
Do it. I. I went to go see the Viva La Bam tour, which was. Which was cky? It wasn't cky, actually. Which sucks.
Kevin James Ryan
Really.
Brendan Sagalo
CKY wasn't on it. It was. Was him.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
It was who? That's funny.
Kevin James Ryan
It's the name of the band.
Brendan Sagalo
It's the name of the band. Who's on first, what's on second.
Sage Foley
I got. I don't know him.
Brendan Sagalo
Who?
Sage Foley
That sounds weird.
Brendan Sagalo
It doesn't.
Sage Foley
Is it a person or is it a band?
Brendan Sagalo
It's a band name. They're like gothic metal.
Sage Foley
Dumbest I ever.
Brendan Sagalo
I know.
Kevin James Ryan
They're Swedish or. What are they?
Sage Foley
All right. I'll give you that.
Brendan Sagalo
Hey, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Let's finish the story. Yeah,
Brendan Sagalo
it was finished. It was. I mean, they were. It was him and it was this band, Skindred and another band. Skin Dread, was. Is like reggae, metal, rap. And they were, you know. And I was like. Like 13.
Sage Foley
You know, the architects.
Brendan Sagalo
No, band. Oh, okay. Okay.
Kevin James Ryan
This has been Hip Hop Corner with
Sage Foley
H. No, they just played at Sonic Temple. You know what that is?
Kevin James Ryan
These are all video games.
Brendan Sagalo
Making up.
Sage Foley
I thought this was up your alley.
Brendan Sagalo
You go, yeah, you're making up sonic boom. Boom.
Sage Foley
They were like around my Chemical Romance era.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, no. I wasn't really into that.
Sage Foley
Really, to be honest.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, No, I didn't really. I mean, now I'll listen to some of their songs.
Kevin James Ryan
This is such a new money arm.
Brendan Sagalo
It's crazy, I know.
Kevin James Ryan
Bright red, new tattoo and a gold
Brendan Sagalo
and gold and silver.
Kevin James Ryan
The double.
Brendan Sagalo
That's what makes it really double bracelet.
Kevin James Ryan
Is it?
Sage Foley
What was the occasion? Your girl got it for you?
Brendan Sagalo
Christmas.
Sage Foley
What'd you get her?
Brendan Sagalo
I got her Nikes.
Kevin James Ryan
A rap song?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I wrote. I wrote a couple verses.
Sage Foley
Christmas rap song.
Brendan Sagalo
I wrote her a hook. I got her like Nikes and. And some like, clothes and stuff and just shit. She would like a new necklace. I got her. I got her a nice necklace.
Sage Foley
Nice.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Speaking of your Long island early days, do you remember the first strip club you. What was the name of the first strip club you went to?
Brendan Sagalo
The first strip club I ever went.
Kevin James Ryan
And let's do the last.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, man.
Kevin James Ryan
The last.
Brendan Sagalo
The last. Well, the last was yesterday, so. No. What was the first strip club I ever went to? I think it was.
Kevin James Ryan
Was it 18 or 21?
Brendan Sagalo
I. I don't remember. It was fun, you know, it was for. I think it was. What was it? I remember. I think it might have been for Aaron Berg's bachelor party.
Sage Foley
That was your first strip?
Brendan Sagalo
I think so, yeah. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Nerd alert.
Kevin James Ryan
What age were you? You were in your early 20s, but I was.
Brendan Sagalo
I was like. I was like. Anytime she stopped dancing, I was like, come on back. I was so hammered that I was. I was just getting a lap dance the entire fucking time.
Sage Foley
Nice.
Brendan Sagalo
I spent so much money there and I was hammered, dude. And then the last one I went to, me and Matt Richards went to a little bit more of an urban one, so.
Sage Foley
During the pandemic?
Brendan Sagalo
I think so.
Sage Foley
Was it with the one close by to where we were performing?
Brendan Sagalo
Maybe, I don't know. But we. I remember.
Sage Foley
Strip club.
Brendan Sagalo
What are you talking about? It was a strip club. There were ladies dancing by poles and
Sage Foley
I think it was a little more than that.
Kevin James Ryan
Well, most strip clubs are if you have enough cash.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, if you have enough cash.
Sage Foley
It's in the same building that we were doing. No outdoor shows.
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no, no.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, no, no, no.
Brendan Sagalo
But we. We were driving.
Kevin James Ryan
That was a mob run brothel.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, we were. I don't even remember that. What are you talking about? Where were we?
Sage Foley
The Rooftop. The. The one Rooftop.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, Yeah. I didn't. That was a strip club.
Sage Foley
No, I went to he wasn't a target.
Brendan Sagalo
I know something. We were just driving and he was like, you want to go to a strip club? We're like near a strip club. And I was like, all right. Yeah. And okay. We just. I think I had just quit booze too. So I was like. I was just there, like sober with these like big black asses up in my face. And I was just like, excuse me, miss. I'm okay, I'm driving.
Kevin James Ryan
This guy's a cop.
Brendan Sagalo
She was farting in my face.
Kevin James Ryan
Pay extra for that.
Brendan Sagalo
Her name was Alpharetta.
Sage Foley
Now we gotta leave all that in.
Kevin James Ryan
That was all. Staying in it anyway. I was all part of the bitch.
Sage Foley
What was your first job?
Brendan Sagalo
My first job was. I was a bowling alley. I was. I worked as a party host for kids for children's birthday parties at a bowling alley. Which I actually got demoted after a couple of months. They, they, they had hired me for.
Sage Foley
How old were you?
Brendan Sagalo
I was about 14.
Kevin James Ryan
It's boys got the brain of a child.
Brendan Sagalo
14, 15.
Sage Foley
Yeah, they're singing those goddamn show tunes.
Brendan Sagalo
It wasn't a whole hard job, but I just never really cleaned up after.
Kevin James Ryan
What'd you get demoted to?
Brendan Sagalo
Janitor.
Kevin James Ryan
So you weren't clean enough? So they demoted a janitor.
Brendan Sagalo
They just had me come in. They're like. Cuz I remember coming in, they were just like, we don't have any parties. And I was like, okay, what am I supposed to do? And they were like, just like clean around and stuff. And for hours I would just walk around cleaning. Like they never gave me any direction. The manager actually got fired from there because he strangled this girl named Blaze. There was a girl there named Blaze who was a lesbian and he was a big fat guy named Franklin. And he ended up strangling her. Not killing her. No, no, no, no. Not killing her.
Sage Foley
What'd she do?
Kevin James Ryan
I don't. Just a Tuesday in Long Island.
Brendan Sagalo
Dude, that happened.
Kevin James Ryan
That happened in every town in Long Island.
Sage Foley
When you say party host, he put his arm around.
Brendan Sagalo
He's put his hands around her neck. So he got fired for. He was mad at her or something.
Sage Foley
Jesus.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. So the party house.
Kevin James Ryan
You are next level trash.
Brendan Sagalo
Tell me about it. I mean, so the job consisted of. You were. You'd go in about an hour and a half earlier, you'd set up the table. You'd set up how many. You'd know how many kids were going
Kevin James Ryan
to be there getting tokens.
Brendan Sagalo
This, you'd go, you'd put up the, the, the things if they.
Sage Foley
You fill the Pictures of soda.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. You would fill the pictures up with soda.
Kevin James Ryan
Get.
Brendan Sagalo
Good question. Good question. You would fill the pictures of dick or not. You go, you know. Oh, yeah, yeah. You should start. You should be a hired question for
Kevin James Ryan
the president, a questioner.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know what it is. I don't know what it is.
Sage Foley
He's giving me attitude about it. Great question.
Brendan Sagalo
You go, you. Hey, did you fill up those pictures yourself?
Kevin James Ryan
You go, would you put the ice in them too?
Sage Foley
Did you.
Kevin James Ryan
I like a lot of.
Brendan Sagalo
Did you put your shoes on yourself as well?
Sage Foley
They usually don't put ice in them.
Brendan Sagalo
They do put. Put ice in it. It actually looks so good. A pitcher of Coke.
Sage Foley
We talk about it all the time.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God, I love soda, dude. I love it so much. It's the. It's the best.
Kevin James Ryan
You know what? You know where we should take Sagalo?
Brendan Sagalo
Pizza Hut, TNT Amusements.
Sage Foley
Oh, my God.
Brendan Sagalo
What is that?
Kevin James Ryan
There's a place I grew up with and the guy made these infomercials, but it's a Todd Tuckey show. Shout out to Todd Tuckey, TNT Amusements. He. He sold video games and then. But he kept them. And then he just turned his warehouse into an arcade. So, like, we. All of our birthday parties were there. But then he also had. We did a whole episode on it. But he also had. We had him on the show, actually.
Brendan Sagalo
Wow.
Kevin James Ryan
I forgot it was.
Sage Foley
You would love.
Kevin James Ryan
But he made his own infomercials.
Sage Foley
Dude, he might be your real dad.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, really?
Sage Foley
It's.
Kevin James Ryan
It's insane.
Brendan Sagalo
That's awesome.
Kevin James Ryan
Wow.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, he's gone. Hi, my name's T. Dude.
Kevin James Ryan
And he edited what. He edited all in the camcorder, so the cuts are horrible. And he was like, back in the day, though.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I love that. There's a. There's a huge arcade in Portland, Oregon. I forgot what it's called. It's like Game over or something like that. And they have like 5, 000 pinball machines. And all you do is like. You pay $20, you could play all day. It's. It's from having my basement pretty. Yeah, I saved up my money for it.
Sage Foley
Are you a pinball guy?
Brendan Sagalo
I love pinball, dude. Love it.
Sage Foley
Jesus Christ.
Brendan Sagalo
I would go to a barcade alone. I still do that. Like up. Up until a couple weeks ago, I go to a barcade paid.
Kevin James Ryan
That is you currently still.
Brendan Sagalo
You're like, yeah, but I'll put $20 in. I'll get a bunch of coins and I'll just be playing pinballs alone. It's the best. It's the best feeling. Next question.
Kevin James Ryan
Will.
Brendan Sagalo
Will I get. Will I feel like.
Kevin James Ryan
Back to the show.
Brendan Sagalo
And that buddy, that was genuine.
Sage Foley
Now, what do you gentlemen do for work?
Kevin James Ryan
So how's this podcast going?
Brendan Sagalo
There you go. I like what you're doing with this.
Sage Foley
Who babysat you as a kid?
Brendan Sagalo
It was this woman.
Kevin James Ryan
Tv, Sega.
Brendan Sagalo
I go babysitter. What is that? No, my parents would just leave me
Kevin James Ryan
at the Beach Boys concert.
Brendan Sagalo
No, I. This woman named Alice who. We would go to her apartment in Brooklyn. She actually let me in Brooklyn. Yeah.
Sage Foley
You live in Long Island.
Brendan Sagalo
I know, I know.
Sage Foley
You would have to go to her.
Kevin James Ryan
This is like an episode of Girls.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. And she would. She actually got fired. My parents fired her. Because there was more babysitters in Long Island. No, but there. They fired her because she let me and my sister walk to the bus stop alone and, like, go meet my parents or something. Like, we took a bus alone or something. I was really young. Yeah.
Sage Foley
City bus.
Brendan Sagalo
I think so. I was really young. And they were like. Yeah, we. We fired her because she was dangerous. Wait, yeah, she. You and your sister, you were in
Sage Foley
Brooklyn and what you took to train, you took.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know. I. I really don't remember.
Sage Foley
I was a baby.
Brendan Sagalo
I was a baby. Yeah, I was a baby. I don't know. I really don' remember, but that's what they said.
Kevin James Ryan
Story is you and your sister went unsupervised on some sort of bus.
Brendan Sagalo
Exactly.
Kevin James Ryan
That's crazy.
Brendan Sagalo
Exactly.
Kevin James Ryan
Just.
Sage Foley
Just for. For everyone when we ask that question. That's what I'm looking for when I ask a babysitter.
Brendan Sagalo
Do you get for the babysitter question?
Kevin James Ryan
Well, sometimes it just misses like, oh, my. My cousin or something.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, right.
Sage Foley
It takes a specific kind of.
Brendan Sagalo
It was a. It was a woman in my head. This is what she looked like. She was. She was missed out fire built. But she was a town, so she had like this Italian kind of flavor.
Kevin James Ryan
Pretty hot.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I know. I know. She actually wasn't hot because I remember her not being hot.
Sage Foley
It's very specific because we had the same thing. I mean, my cousins would babysit us from time to time, actually, a lot. But our main babysitter.
Kevin James Ryan
Part of the problem.
Sage Foley
Our main babysitter was this woman who lived in my cousin's neighborhood.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
Who she had special needs. And she was probably like 45. And she watched us.
Kevin James Ryan
Us.
Sage Foley
That was to babysat us.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God.
Sage Foley
So to have a babysitter that isn't a part of your Family?
Brendan Sagalo
No, I don't know how they met her. Yeah, I know nothing about her. I think she might have come to my sister's graduation or something, like she wanted to come or something like that. And they're like, okay, you can.
Sage Foley
That's next level track. I know. Especially you want to go there. Your parents had to go and drop
Brendan Sagalo
you off in Brooklyn? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, they worked in the city, so they would. They would drive through Brooklyn and drop us off.
Sage Foley
Wait, this was a daily thing every day.
Brendan Sagalo
Every day we would go. We would go to her house, and any family not that wanted to watch us, I guess. I mean, we had family.
Sage Foley
The boy's got a weird name tattooed on his arm. Only a baby.
Kevin James Ryan
Wow.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay. Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Were you a Blockbuster family or independent rental store?
Brendan Sagalo
Independent rental store. I didn't even know that they might have been gone by the time Blockbuster. All day, every day. I still have some Blockbuster video games that I used to. One of the best things was going to Blockbuster and getting video games and just playing them, and I would keep them. I mean, I probably owe blockbuster like $2 million, because I don't think that I still have Toy Story 2 from. For N64.
Kevin James Ryan
What was now. What was the system of your childhood?
Brendan Sagalo
N64. And then. And then Xbox and then PlayStation and then Xbox again. And now I'm PlayStation guy.
Sage Foley
PlayStation 5, I assume.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
You better fucking believe it.
Sage Foley
And what's your game that you play?
Brendan Sagalo
Right now I'm playing Resident Evil 9. So I'm getting scared. I'm just sitting around getting scared all day.
Sage Foley
Is it scary?
Brendan Sagalo
It's fucking terrifying. You'd be terrified. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Really?
Brendan Sagalo
It's a terrifying game. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Of a video game?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, dude. Yeah. Cause I play this close to my tv, and so I'm blocking out any kind of peripheral, you know, reality. And then it's the things jump out at you. It's zombies and stuff like that, and it's. It's all mutant kind of things, and it's really scary.
Kevin James Ryan
What's. What's. What is the setup?
Brendan Sagalo
I'm also.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, what's the.
Brendan Sagalo
Pretty balls deep in Pokemon Red, by the way. I play Pokemon Red on the. On the. On my switch. On the road.
Sage Foley
What is that?
Brendan Sagalo
It's Pokemon.
Sage Foley
Is that where you go look for the shit in real life?
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, that's Pokemon Go, which is insane. I can't believe people. I still see people doing that. I'm like, you know, it's. It's. That's insane to me.
Sage Foley
But what's Pokemon Red.
Kevin James Ryan
Game of our trap. My childhood.
Brendan Sagalo
I download the ROM and I play it on the road. How old are you?
Kevin James Ryan
28.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, it's my childhood, too, bud.
Sage Foley
You're. What are you, 33?
Brendan Sagalo
I'm 18.
Kevin James Ryan
You guys are weird and old.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I actually don't like this Questioning stranger danger.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, I'm gonna call my babysitter to pick me up.
Brendan Sagalo
Are you guys in their 40s? I'm 35.
Sage Foley
You're 35?
Brendan Sagalo
I'll be 35 in two weeks.
Sage Foley
You two are closest than you and him.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, no, he's 39.
Sage Foley
No, trust me, you two are closer.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, probably in, like, nerd stuff. Like, you play video games and shit.
Kevin James Ryan
Not as. Yeah, I want to get more into it.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, really?
Kevin James Ryan
My mobile game.
Brendan Sagalo
What's your mobile game? Pokemon Go. Fallout Shelter right now. Oh, I play Candy Crush. I'm on level, like, 11,000. Also an old lady on Candy Crush. Yeah, I've been playing Candy Crush for, like, eight years, and I'm on level, like, a thousand. Like, 11,000.
Sage Foley
You know, this is. I swear to God. God, I don't know how I didn't know this much about you.
Kevin James Ryan
They're a shapeshifter.
Sage Foley
I almost feel like we are. Like you surpassed. Like you are. We are unqualified. Like, if. If this was.
Brendan Sagalo
I know if I'm leaving you guys speechless, it's.
Sage Foley
If this was a doctor patient situation, I think at this point we would refer you to a specialist.
Kevin James Ryan
But he doesn't have insurance, so he can't say.
Brendan Sagalo
Would you agree with that? This is like an episode of House where they don't know what's wrong.
Sage Foley
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
And they can't fix it.
Sage Foley
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
All right, well, like, let's. Okay. What. What is one.
Sage Foley
What is wrong with you?
Kevin James Ryan
What is one thing that. It could be very small. Can be something at home.
Brendan Sagalo
My penis.
Kevin James Ryan
What is one thing that you do that makes you feel classy? Doesn't have to be classy, but, like, that makes you feel, like, ooh, this is nice.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know about small.
Kevin James Ryan
Could be like, valet in your.
Brendan Sagalo
I'll get, like, a massage.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
I like massages.
Kevin James Ryan
Where do you go for that? Those.
Brendan Sagalo
Like. What's that place? Spa. Spa?
Kevin James Ryan
What, the Med Spa?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, no. Massage Envy.
Kevin James Ryan
Massage. That's a nice. What's a. What's a massage run you.
Brendan Sagalo
It could be, like, a hundred bucks. Be like a hundred. It depends on what you get. I mean, like, I'll get, like. I haven't gone in a while, but, like, lately, what I've been doing is I'll go to the mall and sit
Kevin James Ryan
in one of those chairs.
Brendan Sagalo
I have done that. I do like that.
Kevin James Ryan
I don't like it.
Brendan Sagalo
Like 10 minutes.
Kevin James Ryan
They're way more comfortable than you. Yeah, well.
Brendan Sagalo
Or I'll go to a massage place. And sometimes you can just get like a foot massage and. And for like 60 bucks, you sit in there and they'll rub your feet and stuff. And then I go to my shows and stuff like that.
Kevin James Ryan
You'll do that when you're on the road?
Brendan Sagalo
Well, there's one right next to Gotham, so if I have time.
Kevin James Ryan
You'll do it for city spots. That's crazy. Dude, if I have got your shoes off in Midtown.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
If anybody. Dogs are barking.
Brendan Sagalo
If anybody is seeing me at the Cellar about. At about 10:30, my feet feel great.
Kevin James Ryan
You're at that place next to Ben's.
Sage Foley
Are you at that place?
Brendan Sagalo
No, I don't know. But I have gone. I went to a place. Well, I went to a place once. I didn't know it was a masturbation place. And I. I went there and I got.
Sage Foley
Can I call you Jacob?
Kevin James Ryan
This is so crazy. Sir, I apologize. I did not know.
Brendan Sagalo
I came here for a real massage and now I'm bowling. I went in there, I think I didn't have paper. And I got a. Yeah, I got. And I got a hand job for the first time I ever really.
Kevin James Ryan
You want to say no or like you were okay?
Brendan Sagalo
Well, I knew the.
Kevin James Ryan
You knew.
Sage Foley
You knew?
Brendan Sagalo
Well, no, I went in for a real.
Kevin James Ryan
You walk into a jack shack. You know it.
Sage Foley
Guys, wait a minute. You're an escort.
Brendan Sagalo
I go officer. I swear to God, I thought this was a real massage. You're in a parking lot. But I went to.
Sage Foley
Let me tell you about Chime Chime. Now I'm not really telling you about Chime. You know about Chime? Chime is something that the both of us could have used when we were younger. I'll tell you that right now.
Kevin James Ryan
Yes.
Sage Foley
And if you don't know, gang Chime is changing the way people bank. They offer the most rewarding fee free banking. This is fee free banking built for you. It's not like traditional banks where they charge overdraft fees and monthly fees and all that junk. We're talking about thousands of. Of fee free ATMs. Why give your money away for nothing?
Kevin James Ryan
You're trying to. They've created a world. We have to pay to get our own money.
Sage Foley
That's right.
Kevin James Ryan
Hold it hostage.
Sage Foley
Chime is built for the Salt of the earth people. Not those 1 percenters out there. Gang.
Brendan Sagalo
Let's go.
Kevin James Ryan
Yes, Chime members can benefit from up to eleven hundred and fifty dollars in annual rewards fee. Free direct deposit unlocks the most rewarding way to bank at chime. It's rated five stars by USA Today for customer service. Real Human 24. 7.
Brendan Sagalo
Let's go.
Kevin James Ryan
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Sage Foley
Chime.com disclosures Kim let's talk about Progressive.
Kevin James Ryan
Shout out to Progressive.
Sage Foley
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Brendan Sagalo
I went I. I wanted to get a massage. I was in Asia. I was in Astoria.
Sage Foley
It's in Chinatown.
Brendan Sagalo
I was right across the street. If anybody's in Astoria, go across the street from the there's a or around the which is a nice restaurant in
Sage Foley
Astronomy outing a a jack shack.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I don't know. Maybe I shouldn't.
Sage Foley
Yeah. What are you Doing goddamn business.
Brendan Sagalo
It's illegal.
Kevin James Ryan
They know.
Brendan Sagalo
All right. Oh, well, okay. So I went to this place near a place. Whatever. We'll cut all that out, but I'm gonna send you guys to find it on Rub Maps.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, really?
Kevin James Ryan
Apps devoted to this? Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
All right. Well, whatever. Hey. And I walked in, and I went up the stairs. I wanted a real massage, not a dead giveaway.
Kevin James Ryan
It's up the stairs now.
Brendan Sagalo
I thought there were some places that do that. This is New York City.
Sage Foley
Is this during the day or at night?
Kevin James Ryan
It was.
Brendan Sagalo
It was like. Dude, it was like 12:30 in the afternoon. It was.
Sage Foley
Whoa, you must have been sleepy for the rest of the day.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, buddy. I. And I went up the stairs, and I kind of knew immediately because it was very, like, you know, all of the curtains were like bed sheets, and there was a bottle of pills in the lobby. And I was like, I wonder what those pills are now. I probably know. They're like Horny Goat Weed. Probably like Vik, not Vicodin.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, shit. Viagra.
Brendan Sagalo
Viagra. Viagra, yeah. And then some disgusting woman came out, and she was wearing little tiny leopard shorts. That was very revealing. And I was like, oh, God, I think I'm in a thing.
Kevin James Ryan
But I go, can I see your certificate of massage?
Brendan Sagalo
And then. And what really tipped me off is when she jerked me off.
Kevin James Ryan
I got a feeling.
Sage Foley
Wait a minute.
Kevin James Ryan
Were you completely naked?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. That was another tip, too. I mean, she goes, all right, take off all your clothes. And I took off all my clothes, and I was in my boxers. And she went, take those off. And I went, okay. That's when I was like, did you
Kevin James Ryan
get stole in the lobby?
Brendan Sagalo
I got naked in front of her. Yeah. That was when I was like, I
Kevin James Ryan
don't think this lady's a doctor.
Brendan Sagalo
Shit's going down.
Kevin James Ryan
Let me see your kinesiology degree.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. She walked out in the room. Massage person came in and went, ready for your massage? I went, who was that lady?
Sage Foley
How long? How did she actually give you massage?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, but it was like. It was horrible.
Kevin James Ryan
They just do this. They do this move a lot.
Sage Foley
Whoa.
Brendan Sagalo
It was horrible. And I was like, okay, that's another telltale sign that this is bad. Then she was massaging my legs. And I had spoken to a buddy of ours, I think, hey, don't l me into that. Yeah. Our buddy Ian, who had done this before, kind of addicted to it at one point, I'm pretty sure. And I asked him, I said, what a rat. He talked about it.
Sage Foley
You're naming places you're dropping names.
Brendan Sagalo
I know, I know.
Sage Foley
He's wearing a wire.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. I'm just excited. And they're gonna get them out of here, buddy. Maybe. He go. I go. I go, how do you know? How do you know they want to jerk you off? And he goes. He goes, well, the signal is you lift your butt up. Up a little bit. So while she's doing my legs, she's getting kind of close to my balls over there. Like, now I feel gross. I'll just finish the story. I lifted my butt, and she. She was like. She said something. She was like. And I went, yep. And she went. And then I. I gave her, like, a hundred bucks and I left. I mean.
Sage Foley
Wait, she did it while you were laying on your stomach?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she asked me to flip over, but by that time I was
Kevin James Ryan
just saying, stars, kids.
Sage Foley
Wait, you just jerked off into the bed?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
I think we call that milking.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. And it got all over my body. And then she cleaned me up, which felt very nice. Dry towel, and I take 20 back from her. She was pissed with how much I gave her, though, because I didn't know I went in with enough money for a real massage. And you're supposed to give her, like, dollars.
Kevin James Ryan
I thought it was by the minute. I only need 14 minutes. Just my feet.
Brendan Sagalo
And then I left there. And I felt shame for.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
A long, long, long, long time.
Sage Foley
Well, I wouldn't.
Brendan Sagalo
But now I'm kind of. I'm like, if I wasn't in a relationship, I'm like, I want to go find another one of those. It's fucking sick. So I'll get a massage. Is a classy thing I'll do.
Kevin James Ryan
No, it's not. You stiffed the woman, and you came when you. So that's not that.
Sage Foley
I'll take a C. I do, like
Brendan Sagalo
going to, like, a nice steakhouse. I mean, remember we. We went to. Were you there? Did I? Did I. I know I invited you, but I don't think you went, were you there?
Sage Foley
We.
Brendan Sagalo
For my 30th birthday, I took everybody to Del Frisco's.
Sage Foley
You know, that was one of the only social things that I've really ever done, really, in. In that regard. I went to. I went to a birthday dinner with Sagala.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I wanted. I wanted. I was 30 years old. I wanted to take all my friends.
Sage Foley
That was a big step for. For me.
Brendan Sagalo
Great big step for me, too. I mean, it was really fun.
Kevin James Ryan
You picked up the check.
Brendan Sagalo
I picked up the check. I picked up yeah, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
What was that check, if you don't mind me?
Brendan Sagalo
It was a pretty good menu. It was like a grand. It was, it was a lot.
Kevin James Ryan
That's a lot.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
I had the 2 ounce, but I
Brendan Sagalo
was like, get whatever you want. Everybody gets steaks. We'll get appetizers. I really wanted to look good for a second. I wanted to feel classy.
Kevin James Ryan
That's very nice. Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I love picking up the check. I can't do it it, But I love doing it. And I like picking it up and I roll it up and I throw it in the trash.
Kevin James Ryan
I like picking it up and handing to someone else. All right, that's very good.
Sage Foley
Okay.
Kevin James Ryan
Do you put your hand on the wall when Sorry. Do you put your hand on the wall when you're painted a urinal?
Brendan Sagalo
No. No, because I, I, I must. I don't like touching the bathroom at all.
Sage Foley
What are you sleeping in? Just boxers.
Brendan Sagalo
Naked.
Sage Foley
You sleep naked?
Brendan Sagalo
I sleep naked. Is that weird? I mean, my girlfriend said it's weird. She's like, normal people don't sleep naked naked. And I was like, when she sleeps
Sage Foley
over, you sleep naked.
Brendan Sagalo
She live. We live together.
Sage Foley
She doesn't sleep naked?
Brendan Sagalo
No, she, no, she.
Sage Foley
She's fully clothed and you're naked.
Brendan Sagalo
She's wearing jeans and a vest.
Kevin James Ryan
Fully clothed?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. She's wearing a full Disney mascot outfit.
Sage Foley
That is a little weird then.
Brendan Sagalo
No, she wears a shirt.
Kevin James Ryan
No, he's saying for you.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, for me.
Sage Foley
No, not her.
Brendan Sagalo
Why is it weird that I sleep naked?
Sage Foley
She wears a shirt in underwear. Not to be. Okay.
Kevin James Ryan
You sleep naked on the road?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Yeah. I take all my clothes off and I get.
Sage Foley
So the hotel catches on fire. You're.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm, I'm. I'm like, yeah, I'm. I have to be out there holding my tiny dick in my hand, standing outside. Yeah, I love. I just like it. I don't understand why people don't sleep naked. Yeah, we're animals.
Sage Foley
Sex.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. There you go.
Sage Foley
What do you sleep in?
Brendan Sagalo
Fucking a. Big hat and pajamas.
Sage Foley
Boy, what day is today?
Kevin James Ryan
You go, spit it.
Sage Foley
Spit it.
Brendan Sagalo
Do we have a podcast today?
Sage Foley
You are Ebenezer Scrooge.
Brendan Sagalo
You go, well, if they'd rather die.
Sage Foley
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, thanks.
Brendan Sagalo
You go.
Sage Foley
You go. We have to pick a lot of.
Brendan Sagalo
We got our pay, our team. Someone rather die than, than work on Christmas. You go, well, if they'd rather die, then they better do it and deplete the surplus population. We have Dan soda coming in.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay.
Sage Foley
Kid likes musicals.
Brendan Sagalo
I love, I love that, that movie Specifically, too. Every Christmas I watch the Scrooge movie
Sage Foley
with the Jim Carrey one. The Jim Carrey one.
Brendan Sagalo
It's really good.
Sage Foley
I'm a big Christmas Carol fan.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah? Yeah.
Sage Foley
It's actually in a production of Christmas Carol.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, yeah. Would you play the fucking place where he works?
Sage Foley
That was mean, uncreative.
Brendan Sagalo
I didn't even know what it was called. Would you play.
Kevin James Ryan
Would you play a building?
Brendan Sagalo
Would you play one of the buildings out there? Hey, you know what I'm talking about. You're Tiny Tim.
Kevin James Ryan
It's one of those mob nicknames. It's the opposite. Hey, what's up, Slim?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, you go the first time Tiny Tim's dying of gout in the play.
Sage Foley
God bless us. This is all we got.
Brendan Sagalo
God bless you, everybody.
Sage Foley
Like Topper.
Brendan Sagalo
Who's Topper?
Kevin James Ryan
The guy who blows everybody backstage. Oh, what's up? Is my boy Topper. He'll meet you outside. Rules.
Brendan Sagalo
That's funny.
Sage Foley
Scrooges now. Nephew or something. I was a. I was a bum.
Kevin James Ryan
Still are. Small, Small potatoes. This guy's a day player. That the ymca.
Brendan Sagalo
You're a great actor, though.
Sage Foley
Thanks, pal.
Brendan Sagalo
You are a good actor.
Sage Foley
Thank you.
Kevin James Ryan
Very talented, man. Yeah, whatever.
Sage Foley
Don't start that now.
Kevin James Ryan
What do you mean, don't start that now. Don't try to win me, backhead, okay?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, man.
Kevin James Ryan
Have you ever done one of those punching bag machines at, like, a bar or a carnival?
Brendan Sagalo
Yes, of course.
Kevin James Ryan
Apartment.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's called My Girlfriend. I go, how hard did I hit you? She goes, it's like a 900
Sage Foley
someone spider.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
I do, but I'm not, like, a big fan of those. Yeah, I don't really care about.
Kevin James Ryan
Not like a macho guy. That's. That's like tough guy.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, that's tough guy. I don't. I don't need. I don't need that to know that I'm tough.
Kevin James Ryan
I needed to find out that I'm not that tall.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I don't want to know the answer.
Kevin James Ryan
I don't want everybody on the boardwalk to know I'm a huge.
Brendan Sagalo
It's like when you go to a gas station, you see what the last person put in. It was like, five bucks. No, I don't like those. I like video games. I like playing like. Like, I love pinball, and I love, like, fighting games and.
Sage Foley
Okay, what does a vacation look like for Sag Daddy?
Brendan Sagalo
At this point, any vacation I'm going on is because I'm working the weekend. That there.
Sage Foley
I'm with you.
Brendan Sagalo
You know what? I mean, I'm going to like Aruba or a ski resort and then I have to do an hour that night.
Sage Foley
You've done the Aruba show?
Brendan Sagalo
Not yet. I would like to though, but that was just a good example.
Kevin James Ryan
Submitted my tape. Have you done a ski.
Brendan Sagalo
He's not answering my emails.
Kevin James Ryan
Have you done a ski resort?
Brendan Sagalo
I did a ski resort a couple of months ago. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Can you ski?
Brendan Sagalo
I snowboard and I. I'm very jeans. I'm not very good at it. Yeah, I'm like. I. I'm like going down Sideways. Yeah, I'm going down.
Sage Foley
Where the.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, it's going like this.
Kevin James Ryan
On your heels the whole time.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. And slow down.
Kevin James Ryan
What are you yelling at everybody?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, my girlfriend Caroline, she was like. She's like, I'm just gonna. She's like, I'm just gonna go to the top. She's like a huge skier. Her family ski.
Sage Foley
She's like.
Brendan Sagalo
So she was like, I'm just gonna leave you. And I was like, okay. And I'm like, going down. I'm like, you know, that's all I'll do. But then I had to do an hour for these people.
Kevin James Ryan
Did it go well? Was it in the ski lodge?
Sage Foley
It's on the slopes.
Brendan Sagalo
It was in one of the resorts. One of.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay.
Sage Foley
You know, she got to go to free weekend for her.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, she's comic, so she was just open for me.
Sage Foley
There you go.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, there you go.
Sage Foley
You. You guys. You guys tour together now.
Brendan Sagalo
Sometimes she'll. I'm not really at a place where I can bring my own openers.
Sage Foley
I got you.
Brendan Sagalo
I want to.
Sage Foley
I mean, that's fun.
Brendan Sagalo
These locals. Jesus Christ.
Kevin James Ryan
Talk about Abernathy. What was her name? Aberdeen.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
So do you remember any of your AOL screen names?
Brendan Sagalo
Yes, my first one was Hot Dog 964. Because I live sick. I love the hot dog. Then I was. Then what was. I was like. I was like Cool Guy 69 or something. Ironically, it was supposed to be ironic. And then the one that I just had forever.
Kevin James Ryan
You're like 10 at this point.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. The one that I had for that stayed until, you know, it died was X. Pyro 44X.
Kevin James Ryan
Because X. The, the bookend X was yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
And I cuz I wanted everyone to call me Pyro. That was my. That was the name.
Kevin James Ryan
You a Haitian gang? Good gang member. What's up? That's Pyro.
Brendan Sagalo
Hey, that's Pyro. Well, actually, so I went to.
Sage Foley
You get the diamonds tomorrow.
Brendan Sagalo
I went to this camp called Camp Tioga, which is in where all the Haitians go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I, Everybody had, you know, everybody had nicknames there. And I wanted a nickname and I wanted everybody to call me Pirate Pyro. You know, you got these shirts by that said Camp Tyogon. Everybody put their nickname on the back. I wrote Pyro on every single one of my shirts. And then about a week later, this new kid came to camp and everyone's like, what's your name, man? He was like, call me Pyro. And everyone called him Pyro.
Kevin James Ryan
It's just like T bone from.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, everybody called him Pyro. So I just had all these like, you know, my nickname was stolen from me essentially. And he was like such a cooler kid. Everybody.
Kevin James Ryan
Did you like have lighters and stuff out to be like Pyro?
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no. I just said told. Maybe, maybe. I don't know. He might have had a. I don't know. He was an older kid, so he was a cooler kid. He was older.
Kevin James Ryan
Was it Pyro?
Brendan Sagalo
P Y R O. P Y R O. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Imagine saying, call me Pyro.
Brendan Sagalo
I know, it's. It's not cool for either, I guess.
Sage Foley
I tell people call me H Foley.
Kevin James Ryan
He was, he was nine. You're ten.
Sage Foley
Call me H. What's up?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, so I got my, my Nick nickname stolen from me, unfortunately. And I never asked for a nickname again. I wanted to be called Bull for a second.
Sage Foley
Bull.
Kevin James Ryan
Bull.
Brendan Sagalo
I wrote A because my initials are B.S. so I was like, I was trying to own it because everybody would call me like and all that stuff. Like all the, all the kids would be like, haha. So I was like, I'll be Bull. And I, I got, I went to one of those kiosks in the mall that made hats and they, I bought a hat airbrush. Had them not air fresh. They did the like embroidering, embroidered. Yeah, yeah. And it said Bull with one L. I thought that was cool. And I was getting super into hip hop at the time, so I was like, that'll be my name.
Kevin James Ryan
MC Bull.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, MC Bull with one L. How's that going? Didn't stick.
Kevin James Ryan
Sagala.
Sage Foley
This is nuts.
Kevin James Ryan
My last one, that's my last screen name that stuck was Spitfire 5 for too.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, like the skateboarding company. Yeah. That's a good one. Spitfire. What was yours? Did you have. No, you were, you were. You're already in college when that came out.
Sage Foley
Yeah, I didn't. I think I was probably out of college.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, yeah.
Sage Foley
90. I would have graduated college in 98. I left in 96.
Brendan Sagalo
Damn. Dude.
Kevin James Ryan
Dude, the concern on it, crazy.
Sage Foley
I finished early.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, you were out of college during, like, screen names and stuff.
Sage Foley
I finished. I did of kind college in two years.
Kevin James Ryan
What?
Brendan Sagalo
What?
Kevin James Ryan
Two years?
Sage Foley
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Did you get a degree or.
Sage Foley
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
What, What. What college was it baking college or something? What kind of college was. Was it a dog? You. I'm just. I can't think of anything.
Sage Foley
Good one, Pyro,
Kevin James Ryan
man.
Sage Foley
Pyro's got burned by pyro.
Kevin James Ryan
Hey, play with the fire. Gonna get burned.
Sage Foley
Sag? Nah, I fucking flunked that out.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I went to three colleges.
Kevin James Ryan
Any degree?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I. I graduated with a bachelor's in communications from Pace University.
Kevin James Ryan
Oh, not bad.
Brendan Sagalo
And I was on the dean.
Sage Foley
I have a squad this year. I got my ladies.
Brendan Sagalo
I was at. I also. I was on the dean's list at Nassau Community College.
Sage Foley
Get the out of here.
Brendan Sagalo
You better believe it.
Sage Foley
Why?
Kevin James Ryan
How.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm a good student.
Sage Foley
You want a guy that got hit
Kevin James Ryan
by a bus, I don't have. My joke was going to be you and airbud. I didn't understand the joke, but just figured I'd say it. You and some dog that's. That's like. In my head, it was like you and a dog who could, like, turn the fan on or something. You and the squirrel that can surf as water. We can't get our references together.
Sage Foley
Sagalo. Yeah, Kevin, if you mind. If you don't mind, I would like to ask Saga Magalo the hamburger question, please.
Brendan Sagalo
Hit me.
Kevin James Ryan
Hamburger.
Sage Foley
Okay, Number one, lead into it. How do you get your hamburger cooked?
Brendan Sagalo
Medium rare.
Sage Foley
Gentlemen. Gentlemen. Agreed.
Kevin James Ryan
Will McDonald's do that?
Sage Foley
They should. They really should.
Kevin James Ryan
They should.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Sage Foley
I don't know why they don't.
Brendan Sagalo
Medium rare.
Sage Foley
They get some of the best quality meat out of anybody because they order so much quality. Yes, yes. Google it. The quality of meat at McDonald's.
Brendan Sagalo
Aren't their burgers like.
Sage Foley
No. Get out of here with that. That's all Chinese propaganda, man.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I love. I mean, I'm. I'll still eat it. I don't care. Yeah, get it. Medium rare.
Sage Foley
You go to a nice place, though, you go to, like, the Smith.
Brendan Sagalo
I'm not saying they gave me attitude once, so I hate them forever.
Kevin James Ryan
Sir, you have to put a shirt on.
Brendan Sagalo
Sir.
Sage Foley
I'm not calling you Pyro.
Kevin James Ryan
Well, we're a big.
Brendan Sagalo
If you're gonna put your feet up, wear shoes.
Kevin James Ryan
What was. What was the beef there at the Smith?
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know, they gave me attitude like some sort of. Like at the. The. The lady at the host stand, like, was. Gave me something. I just remember being like her, man.
Kevin James Ryan
Pyro, party of two
Brendan Sagalo
or bull Mc bull. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Watch this. Luke, hit me.
Brendan Sagalo
I. McDonald's meat quality is rigorously controlled and meets high safety standards. But it's classified as standard mass produced
Kevin James Ryan
commercial beef rather than premium or gourmet.
Brendan Sagalo
Damn, Foley's a company, man.
Kevin James Ryan
I don't think you want high safety standards. That's it. Dude, if you have to run high safety standards, make sure there's not, like, thumbtacks in there. Yeah, well, those are good also, man. You are part of the propaganda machine. How much are you getting on the back end? Yeah, yeah, check my website. Go to hroley.com. it just says McDonald's.
Sage Foley
Good.
Kevin James Ryan
Okay, forget about this, Grimace, all right? Forget about.
Sage Foley
About that. Check Wendy's. They got it.
Brendan Sagalo
Wendy's rules.
Sage Foley
You go to a nice.
Kevin James Ryan
You go to.
Sage Foley
You get a nice burger from a place.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Sage Foley
Like a. Like a gastro pub.
Brendan Sagalo
Okay.
Sage Foley
Okay. It's a nice burger. Take a bite of the burger. Okay.
Brendan Sagalo
Let it. My mouth is watering.
Sage Foley
Do you put the burger back on the plate upside down?
Brendan Sagalo
What?
Sage Foley
Okay. Or do you put it normal side down?
Brendan Sagalo
Normal side up. What do you mean, upside down?
Kevin James Ryan
So the. The. This, it tends to be a. When it's like a brioche bun. Typically brioche, the top of the bun is heavier and more dense.
Brendan Sagalo
Sure.
Kevin James Ryan
Than the bottom of the bun. Sometimes it's like a little sliver.
Brendan Sagalo
Sure.
Kevin James Ryan
These are juicy burgers.
Sage Foley
Juicy burgers.
Kevin James Ryan
High quality meat.
Sage Foley
I'm talking about White Castle.
Brendan Sagalo
I mean, I'm gonna do that because it. It does sound like a good idea.
Kevin James Ryan
The idea is it absorbs the. Oh, that's great. So the bottom doesn't compromise the structure. Structure.
Brendan Sagalo
Anytime food that I'm eating is getting absorbed by itself, it makes me feel fatter.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
Makes me feel like I'm, like, dipping it in itself. You know what I mean? But I will do that because that's a great idea.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah. You kind of go, it doesn't work all the time, but, you know, and
Brendan Sagalo
I'm a burger guy. Like, I love burgers.
Kevin James Ryan
Don't get me wrong.
Brendan Sagalo
Don't get me wrong.
Kevin James Ryan
That was actually one of my nicknames for a day in high school.
Brendan Sagalo
MC Burger.
Sage Foley
Burger's a good nickname.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah.
Sage Foley
Burger.
Kevin James Ryan
Anything after a flight. Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no.
Sage Foley
I would take burger.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, a couple of them.
Sage Foley
All right, enough about me.
Kevin James Ryan
Your new nickname's Top.
Sage Foley
But you failed that test.
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, I'm sorry. But I, I will do it from now on.
Sage Foley
Do you have a family group chat?
Brendan Sagalo
I do, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Are all the members in there?
Brendan Sagalo
We have my, my current family, which
Kevin James Ryan
is, you know, I've never heard that term.
Brendan Sagalo
It's my mom, my dad, my sister, all in one chat. Then we, then we have a big one with all of the relatives and stuff.
Sage Foley
I thought your mom and dad were separated or divorced.
Brendan Sagalo
They are, but they still.
Kevin James Ryan
For just family communication.
Brendan Sagalo
For family communication.
Kevin James Ryan
That's good.
Brendan Sagalo
That's good for like, you know, Easter and stuff where, you know, we still like egg hunt and like that. So they, they asked me to come out and stuff.
Kevin James Ryan
What do you mean you egg hunt Every year?
Brendan Sagalo
Me and my sister. My sister is three years older than me. Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, we still. Easter egg hunt? Yeah.
Sage Foley
At your house?
Brendan Sagalo
At my house, yeah. My mom's house, yeah.
Sage Foley
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Is your mom's house, the house you grew up in, right?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, in Long Island.
Kevin James Ryan
And they'll. Who will hide them?
Brendan Sagalo
My dad.
Sage Foley
He'll come over to the house he no longer lives in and hide them in the backyard.
Brendan Sagalo
In the backyard? He hides them throughout the house.
Sage Foley
You do them in the house?
Brendan Sagalo
We do them in the house and. Oh my God. I tried to back out of this.
Kevin James Ryan
He's got the brain of an 8 year old. I tried.
Brendan Sagalo
No, I tried to back out of this. I, I said to my family, I was like, I don't want to do this anymore. And it was a whole thing. And my mom was, was like, it's the only thing your dad ever asks you for. And I'm like, okay, why does he.
Sage Foley
Your dad loves this. He loves it.
Brendan Sagalo
And he films us and we're walking around as two almost 40 year olds.
Sage Foley
What is it? Does he hard them and hide places?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, sometimes it's really hard.
Sage Foley
Does one of them have some money?
Kevin James Ryan
He's going getting warmer.
Brendan Sagalo
They do have money in it.
Kevin James Ryan
Metro card.
Brendan Sagalo
Some of them have quarters in it. Quarters. And then some of them have like 20 in it. So like the darker the egg, the, the more expensive, the sweeter the juice.
Sage Foley
Aparetta.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah,
Sage Foley
he doesn't. Your dad doesn't. He didn't get remarried, did he?
Brendan Sagalo
He did.
Sage Foley
Does he have kids with his new wife?
Brendan Sagalo
She has kids.
Kevin James Ryan
Do they come over?
Brendan Sagalo
No. I actually just met one of them recently.
Kevin James Ryan
What?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, we, we don't really. We're not really close like that. Like, I don't. I'm not, not with his family. I don't, I don't like I met him because I went to his backpedaling.
Kevin James Ryan
How old.
Sage Foley
How old is this kid?
Brendan Sagalo
Sure.
Kevin James Ryan
No, of course.
Brendan Sagalo
27. He's 27. Yeah.
Sage Foley
So he's like you.
Brendan Sagalo
I know, I know. And I really should be close with him, but we don't really have anything in common.
Kevin James Ryan
Are you tight with your stepmom? Do you have a relationship?
Brendan Sagalo
She's nice. Yeah, she's nice. She's nice.
Sage Foley
Will you go over there for dinner and stuff like that?
Brendan Sagalo
They live in Florida.
Sage Foley
Your dad lives in Florida now?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Your dad comes up here, he flies, bring the eggs. I think he puts it on his. His business card too, so. Really? He. He doesn't. He does. I was trying to get a joke. No. Yeah. He'll fly up to do an Easter egg hunt with us and then we'll get like Chinese or something. And it's just the four of you? Yeah, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
I mean, my mom about holding on to the glory.
Sage Foley
Hold on. Easter.
Brendan Sagalo
Brutal. Yeah. My therapist will be like, you have to tell him.
Sage Foley
You can.
Brendan Sagalo
Can't. You don't want to do it anymore. And I'm like, I tried, man.
Sage Foley
Well, you should do it. It's fun. It's for your.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. I'm like. I'm like, whatever.
Sage Foley
It's.
Brendan Sagalo
It's for.
Sage Foley
You get Chinese food on Easter.
Brendan Sagalo
I think so. Yeah. This year we did.
Sage Foley
That might be the most garbage Jewish. No, he's not.
Brendan Sagalo
My dad is Jewish. Yeah, I'm half Jewish. Yeah, just not Easter.
Kevin James Ryan
He's half Jewish.
Sage Foley
It doesn't matter. He's selling. He's celebrating Easter.
Brendan Sagalo
Chinese food on Christmas is a. Is a Jewish thing.
Sage Foley
100% love it. Always been very jealous.
Brendan Sagalo
Easter. We should be good. Going to like a nice restaurant.
Sage Foley
It doesn't matter. Yeah, yeah. Go have Peking duck somewhere.
Brendan Sagalo
Go sit down. My family loves Chinese food, so we'll get it on Easter the way Jesus wanted.
Sage Foley
What does that Sagala water look like? Well, it gotta be a couple hundred bucks of Chinese.
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know. I don't pay for it. That's all on daddy.
Sage Foley
What do you.
Brendan Sagalo
Bunny rabbit.
Kevin James Ryan
Wait.
Sage Foley
And the four. And the four. You sit down as a divorced family in your mom's house and have a chance Chinese feast.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, we go out to a restaurant.
Sage Foley
Oh, that's different.
Brendan Sagalo
We'll go to a restaurant and we'll eat Chinese.
Sage Foley
Oh, that's a nice Chinese restaurant. Yeah, that's completely different.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah. And we'll. I mean, nice. A nice Chinese restaurant is still like, what? Like, that's not that great.
Sage Foley
I love them though.
Brendan Sagalo
Chinese restaurants and. Yeah, we, we. They. They still are in contact and stuff. I mean my, my, my therapist is like, it's weird. And I'm like, is it weird? He's like, yeah, it's. Your family's like trying to keep itself together. Other.
Sage Foley
I like that.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, man.
Kevin James Ryan
I mean, yeah, you could write a book on that day alone. That's crazy.
Sage Foley
Is your bed on the floor?
Brendan Sagalo
My current bed? No, no.
Kevin James Ryan
You live with the girl.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, I'm. Hey, I'm as. As trashy as I am. I still like a bed above the floor. Like I like, I like, I like my place clean.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah. Nobody likes it on the floor. It's due to circumstances.
Brendan Sagalo
I know we got you hard to get up. You ever wake up in the morning,
Kevin James Ryan
gotta do a sit up?
Brendan Sagalo
Ah, but I like, I'm a clean freak. I like, I like organization in my apartment. I like it all clean and, and places and things put. And every year I'll do a. Like a. I'll clean. Like I'll do a clean for.
Kevin James Ryan
Usually clean more than once a year.
Brendan Sagalo
No, but I'll like, I'll like a
Kevin James Ryan
bit of a wacko. I run the vacuum every year. January 1st.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. I let the Roomba just go crazy.
Sage Foley
You have a room? Roomba?
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no. I don't have enough room for a Roomba. That'd be like getting a dog in. In a New York apartment.
Sage Foley
Do you have a dishwasher?
Brendan Sagalo
I would have to put the Roomba out. Out back to get its energy out. Look at him go.
Kevin James Ryan
You got him chained up.
Brendan Sagalo
Look at him run. What were you asking? Do I have a dishwasher? Yeah. No, no, it's. I'm the dishwasher.
Sage Foley
Okay.
Kevin James Ryan
Do you enjoy the movie Four Brothers?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Except you. When what's his name gets shot. I don't like that.
Kevin James Ryan
Who?
Brendan Sagalo
The Jack, the white kid.
Sage Foley
I didn't see it yet.
Kevin James Ryan
Cracker Jack.
Brendan Sagalo
Did you?
Sage Foley
Yeah, in the late 90s, early 2000s. Did you enjoy a CBS show entitled Becker?
Brendan Sagalo
No, I don't even know what that is.
Sage Foley
Excellent.
Brendan Sagalo
What's Becker?
Kevin James Ryan
A man of his, his stature wouldn't know that.
Sage Foley
Do you like cottage cheese?
Brendan Sagalo
No, I don't like stunt at all. I'm more of an American cheese kind of guy. And I'll, you know, I'll sometimes if I don't do this anymore, but I used to love having the. You get the American cheese and just go down to the fridge, open it
Kevin James Ryan
up, throw a cheese like the pre. Like the craft singles or like you go to the deli and get it sliced.
Brendan Sagalo
The craft singles.
Sage Foley
I mean, you love taking a slice of cheese out of the fridge.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. Needing it. Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
But craft.
Sage Foley
You're not the first one I've heard say that.
Brendan Sagalo
It's great. It's great.
Sage Foley
It.
Brendan Sagalo
It's how I get my pills.
Sage Foley
It's real dog trying to give the roomba pills,
Kevin James Ryan
keep spitting them out.
Sage Foley
Have you ever had your belly button pierced?
Kevin James Ryan
No.
Brendan Sagalo
No. That's crazy.
Kevin James Ryan
What'd you call the remote?
Brendan Sagalo
Growing up, we would call it the Remote, but I knew some people that would call it the Clicker.
Kevin James Ryan
Clicker.
Brendan Sagalo
The Clicker. Yeah, it's good.
Kevin James Ryan
Have you ever named a pet in a voicemail? Like you reach Brendan, Megan and Daisy and Ruffles?
Brendan Sagalo
No. No, because I. No, I never did the voicemails when I. Yeah, no. And I've always had a cell phone, so.
Kevin James Ryan
Did you ever have any ring back tones?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I did.
Kevin James Ryan
What you have.
Brendan Sagalo
I had. I think.
Kevin James Ryan
Now, was this your ringtone or when I called you?
Brendan Sagalo
When you called me. I think Chingy would play and it'd be like, hotel. The hotel, you know, whatever. What song is that?
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, Keys to the Hotel.
Brendan Sagalo
That one. No, no, no. What's the chingy one with Snoop Dogg and the. The hotel. What's that called? I don't know, but that.
Kevin James Ryan
See if you can find Chingy or.
Brendan Sagalo
Or like a sum 41 song song or something like that.
Sage Foley
You ever listen to Taking Back Sunday?
Brendan Sagalo
Hell yeah. They're from Long Island.
Kevin James Ryan
Holiday Inn. The Holiday Inn at the holiday holiday. A 12 pack of Corona.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I go. Hello. Sorry it's so loud at the mall right now. What's up?
Kevin James Ryan
What's up? You got bull?
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is bull. Go bet one. And I'd hang up and I go, one. Like I turn.
Sage Foley
Have you ever tagged anything or graffitied?
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, this week. Yeah. Go check the bathroom.
Brendan Sagalo
One of the reasons I stopped drinking was because I got hammered.
Kevin James Ryan
Hammered.
Brendan Sagalo
And I was. And I found spray can spray paint. And I just started spraying the ground and spraying walls and where. I don't really want to say. Yeah, sure, it might incriminate me a little bit, but yeah.
Sage Foley
You've ratted everybody else out.
Kevin James Ryan
Really. Mum's the word when it comes to his own crime?
Sage Foley
I see how it is state's evidence over here. Witch sack. Is your name really Brendan or what? Bird.
Kevin James Ryan
Burger. Burger. Sagalo. I mean, you know, when.
Brendan Sagalo
What a ride.
Kevin James Ryan
What kind of luggage do you have?
Brendan Sagalo
I have a trash bag. It's A. It's a bandana on a stick. I know. I have a name brand luggage. I have. Yeah, I think so. I mean, I don't know. I, I. My. My. One of my girls, one of my girlfriends got it for me when I. Like years and years ago. And I still use. Use it. It's all torn up and stickers are put on it. I accidentally. I was. I was in LaGuardia and I was on. I was just hanging, you know, that's where I sleep sometimes. And I was at the top of the escalator and I let go of the luggage and just went down the escalator and it's destroyed. It's like. But still works, like, still zips up and stuff. So I didn't hit anybody? No. Thank God.
Sage Foley
I always worry about that.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. I'm like. Like, if anybody, they would have been.
Kevin James Ryan
Pow.
Brendan Sagalo
Fell right to the ground. So.
Kevin James Ryan
No, I mean, what was the last time I got this. When was the last time you played laser tag?
Brendan Sagalo
It was a while ago, but it was an option recently.
Sage Foley
We.
Brendan Sagalo
I was hanging out with my girlfriend and her brothers and we were like, she has younger brothers. And we were like, should we laser tag? But instead we went on that thing where you like, climb it and like, you got a harness and you're like clicked to a thing.
Kevin James Ryan
What are you climbing? Was this in a mall?
Sage Foley
Urban air?
Kevin James Ryan
Was this urban air, maybe?
Brendan Sagalo
No, no, no. It was in Virginia somewhere. But you would like, walk on like ropes and stuff. It was like a jungle gym. Yeah. And so that's what we just recently. And. And mini putt. Yeah.
Sage Foley
In Virginia.
Brendan Sagalo
In Virginia.
Sage Foley
What are you doing down there? Shows. Family.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I was visiting her family in Richmond.
Sage Foley
Huh.
Brendan Sagalo
Or Norfolk or some Interesting. Yeah.
Sage Foley
Do you have godparents?
Brendan Sagalo
Yes, I do. My. My older cousin and my uncle. My uncle Billy.
Sage Foley
And the older cousin's a woman, right?
Brendan Sagalo
Jill. Jill, yeah.
Sage Foley
Jill and Billy.
Brendan Sagalo
Jill and Billy. Yeah. Those are my. I got confirmed. I got. What the other ones.
Sage Foley
Communion, Baptism.
Brendan Sagalo
Yep. I got a confirmation name, all that stuff.
Sage Foley
What's your confirmation name?
Brendan Sagalo
Francis.
Sage Foley
That's not bad.
Brendan Sagalo
I like that. I got it because I was really
Sage Foley
gonna be like Captain Planet. I got Red Ranger.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
Brendan, the real one. Sa.
Brendan Sagalo
The Hamburglar. I got it because the older brother in Malcolm in the Middle's name was Francis. And I always like that. So that's why I got that.
Sage Foley
You're a big Malcolm in the Middle guy.
Brendan Sagalo
Loved Malcolm in the Middle.
Sage Foley
I didn't watch.
Brendan Sagalo
I thought it was one of the best shows. Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
It was great.
Brendan Sagalo
It was really funny.
Sage Foley
Yeah. Home run.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah.
Kevin James Ryan
No, Becker. But, you know, I mean, this kid's trash. I don't know what you want for me.
Brendan Sagalo
Well, how can I. Can I. Can I save this? Is there any.
Sage Foley
Save it, buddy. You're.
Brendan Sagalo
Maybe there's classy things I do as well.
Kevin James Ryan
What do you think?
Sage Foley
We should be holding you up like Simba. Are you kidding me? This is legendary.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah. You should have a picture of me in here.
Sage Foley
We should.
Brendan Sagalo
You should have a wall of people that are like.
Kevin James Ryan
That's pretty good, Trashy. That's pretty good.
Sage Foley
It's not bad.
Kevin James Ryan
Cut that. That's my idea. We should have a picture of you on the wall.
Brendan Sagalo
Good job.
Sage Foley
What do you think you could say,
Kevin James Ryan
like, what is the classic.
Sage Foley
We tried to give you out with the massage and you're getting jacked off.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, I know, but. No, the steakhouse. I do like steaks out steakhouse and stuff like that.
Sage Foley
Can I push back on that?
Brendan Sagalo
Oh, my God. Please.
Sage Foley
I'm pretty sure your dad picked up that check.
Brendan Sagalo
Why do you think so?
Sage Foley
Because I remember you telling me and he did.
Brendan Sagalo
Yes.
Kevin James Ryan
All right. Damn it.
Brendan Sagalo
It was a birthday present.
Sage Foley
It was a birthday.
Brendan Sagalo
It was a birthday present.
Kevin James Ryan
That's a big Easter egg.
Brendan Sagalo
Yeah, it came in the golden one. That was a dark egg. It was my birthday present, so technically, I picked it up.
Sage Foley
Who picked up the check? I let it slide for a little while, but you got dirt bag.
Kevin James Ryan
I respect that. Let him hang himself.
Brendan Sagalo
I hate being caught in a lie.
Sage Foley
I love it.
Brendan Sagalo
No.
Sage Foley
What do you think you could tell us?
Brendan Sagalo
I like nice cars, I guess.
Kevin James Ryan
Do you have a nice car?
Sage Foley
I don't.
Kevin James Ryan
Have you ever been in a nice car?
Brendan Sagalo
No. I have a nice car tattooed on me.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah, that's not it, man.
Sage Foley
Do you read?
Brendan Sagalo
I listen to audiobooks and I'm pretty balls deep in the hobbit right now.
Sage Foley
You're audiobook and a hustler.
Kevin James Ryan
I still can't get over it.
Sage Foley
What, did you shock yourself?
Brendan Sagalo
I don't know. I slammed my teeth on the microphone.
Sage Foley
This kid's a natural.
Kevin James Ryan
Right here. Remember when he said, yeah, go to, like, Aruba or something? And then had never gone to a room?
Brendan Sagalo
I've never been invited, actually, but I would. I would do that gig for the trip.
Kevin James Ryan
He also. He led with the ruba when he had been.
Brendan Sagalo
I wish Disney World had a fucking comedy club in it.
Sage Foley
I want to do that Aruba junk. Dope.
Brendan Sagalo
I know. I want to do it.
Sage Foley
I mean, dude, that's all I ever Saw and, you know, we were up here. It's. This one's going to Aruba.
Kevin James Ryan
Just go to Aruba, I guess. So why do you want to get. To get on vacation? Why do you want to bomb in the lobby? Yeah, that.
Brendan Sagalo
That's hilarious, dude. All right, we got to wrap it up. Sag Daddy Podcast, Sag Daddy, the Pod Plug away, as well as Fart Carnival, and I'm hitting the road. I got a lot of road gig gigs coming up, and I'm really loving it. My hour is getting there, and I. I'd love more people to come come out and see it. So. Brennan sagalo.com punchup live Brennan Sagalo. To be on my email list. I won't bother you. I won't spam you, but I'll let you know when I'm in your city and just come out.
Sage Foley
Yeah, you just. You did the Are you garbage and friend show with us.
Kevin James Ryan
Yeah.
Brendan Sagalo
That was so fun, man.
Sage Foley
He came up on stage.
Brendan Sagalo
Thank you. Yeah. Monster. It was so good. I mean, what a good show. And then, like, and, like, Nate and. And Dan, and it was.
Kevin James Ryan
It was.
Brendan Sagalo
It was all great.
Sage Foley
Everybody loves Sag Daddy.
Brendan Sagalo
Thank you. And I love you. We love you, buddy, too.
Sage Foley
Kippy. What do you got for him?
Kevin James Ryan
Guys, we're over the road. We got Portland, Maine, coming up. That's a small room. Get those tickets. I think two or three of the shows are already sold out, so snooze, you lose. Then we got Pittsburgh to with the improv. Then we got a weekend in Cleveland. Hilarities. Get those freaking tickets. And Atlantic City, the boys are coming in hot.
Sage Foley
Let's go, baby. See you, A.C. sags. We love you.
Brendan Sagalo
Love you, too. Guys.
Sage Foley
Gang, we love you. See you next week. Peace.
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Brendan Sagalow (comedian, podcaster)
Theme: Comedian Brendan Sagalow is tested by Foley and Ryan to see if he’s truly "garbage" or a little bit classy—a hilarious deep-dive into personal habits, upbringing, musical tastes, tattoos, and family quirks.
This episode of Are You Garbage? is a lighthearted, rapid-fire examination of Brendan Sagalow’s upbringing, quirks, and lifestyle—mainly focused on what makes a person “garbage” (trashy, lovable, relatable). Sagalow—known for his standup, podcast, and musical tastes—joins the hosts for stories about his tattoos, dubious massages, childhood memories, and adulthood idiosyncrasies. Expect laughter, relentless self-deprecation, wild diversions, and classic “garbage” moments.
[02:00]
“I literally… what did I say to you? I go, ‘we’re both gonna fail. Who cares?’” – Brendan [02:22]
[03:40]
[06:50]
[08:53]
Quote:
“I got it when I was like 21… it’s faded to where it looks like old men who were in the Navy.” – Brendan [15:13]
[11:41]
[31:12]
[26:59]
[39:05 & 44:25]
[61:03]
Throughout, the hosts dig into personal habits such as:
On Tattooing a Friend’s Name
“You have the tattoo of a man who’s still alive? That isn’t your father?” – Sage Foley [10:01]
“He does not have my name tattooed on him. No.” – Brendan [10:12]
On Modern “Disney Adult” Status
“I’m not a Disney adult. Okay, you’re not. I like—I’m an adult. I like Disney and I’m 35.” – Brendan [08:08]
On Low-Grade Massage Parlors
“And what really tipped me off is when she jerked me off.” – Brendan [43:16]
“She asked me to flip over, but by that time I was just seeing stars, kids.” – Brendan [45:08]
On Family Easter Traditions
“We still… Easter egg hunt? Yeah. At your house? At my house, yeah. My mom’s house, yeah.” – Brendan [61:11]
“My dad comes up to do an Easter egg hunt, and then we get Chinese food. It’s just the four of you, yeah.” [63:20]
“That might be the most garbage Jewish—No, he’s not. My dad is Jewish. Yeah, I’m half Jewish, just not Easter.” [63:41]
On Childhood Gaming and Candy Crush
“I play Candy Crush. I’m on level, like, 11,000. Also an old lady on Candy Crush.” – Brendan [36:09]
On Being “Classy”
“I love picking up the check. I can’t do it, but I love doing it… And I like picking it up and I roll it up and I throw it in the trash.” – Brendan [46:54]
Soon after, Foley calls him out for never actually picking up the legendary steakhouse bill.
Hosts’ Final Word:
The overwhelming consensus is YES—Brendan is “legendary” garbage in the best, most lovable sense.
“We should be holding you up like Simba. Are you kidding me? This is legendary.” – Sage Foley [71:50]
Brendan’s lovable weirdness, gross humor, earnestness, and shameless New York–Long Island roots make him the perfect Are You Garbage? guest. From Disney playlists and hotel tattoos to naked sleeping and adult egg hunts, this episode showcases everything that's both delightfully "garbage" and relatable. The hosts' relentless good-natured roasting keeps the episode fast-paced and hilarious throughout.