Dive Bar Etiquette w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Dive Bar Etiquette" – Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode Details:

• Title: Dive Bar Etiquette w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
• Release Date: July 17, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley delve into the unrefined world of dive bars, sharing personal anecdotes, humorous observations, and engaging discussions about what it truly means to navigate these gritty establishments without losing one's cool—or becoming "garbage."

---

Dive Bar Experiences and Etiquette

Exploring the Dive Bar Culture

The hosts kick off the conversation by contrasting dive bars with more upscale establishments. Kevin emphasizes his preference for the authenticity of dive bars, stating, “These fucking people. They ordered five espresso martinis. She didn't even do...” ([08:12](# Dive Bar Experiences and Etiquette)). H. Foley agrees, highlighting the no-frills ambiance that defines these venues.

Interactions with Bar Patrons and Staff

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around interactions with other patrons and bartenders in dive bars. Kevin recounts an encounter where he faced resistance from affluent patrons trying to order complicated cocktails: “She just is like, no, we don't have them. And like, you know, now she's...” ([09:55](# Dive Bar Experiences and Etiquette)). This underscores the clash between laid-back dive bar folks and pretentious drinkers.

H. Foley adds to the humor by describing the bartender’s attitude: “She's not going to put up with any shit” ([07:28](# Dive Bar Experiences and Etiquette)), painting a vivid picture of the tough, no-nonsense staff typical of dive bars.

---

Listener Questions

1. Is it garbage to keep a bottle of Fireball in your bathroom cabinet with a note that says, "Call it. You snoop and take a shot for when guests come over"?

Kevin and H. Foley find this idea amusing and borderline trashy. Kevin jokes, “That’s amazing. That’s fun. That’s trashy. Good.” ([30:35](# Listener Questions)). They discuss the implications of such a setup, debating the fine line between humorous preparedness and outright recklessness.

2. Is it garbage to eat in your car outside a restaurant but have to go back inside for extra condiments?

The hosts share their opinions on this behavior. Kevin remarks, “I like to spend my lunch break in the car ripping heaters and listening to podcasts” ([31:32](# Listener Questions)). H. Foley counters by highlighting the social etiquette aspect, adding, “What's the alternative? Sit there and eat fries without ketchup like an asshole?” ([31:58](# Listener Questions)).

3. Is it garbage if as a kid, your dad fixed a broken kickstand on your bike with a piece of copper pipe he had laying around, then spray painted it black so nobody would steal the copper pipe?

This question sparks a nostalgic trip down memory lane. The hosts reminisce about childhood bikes and modifications, with Kevin humorously noting, “And I'm like, buddy, you better get what you can now, because by the end of the week, that bike ain't gonna be yours” ([48:13](# Listener Questions)).

4. Is it garbage if your dad’s idea of a vacation is inviting you to a nudist cruise with your stepmom?

Kevin and H. Foley hilariously dissect this unsettling scenario. Kevin quips, “You're a little laissez faire with the taboo” ([58:38](# Listener Questions)), while H. Foley imagines the awkwardness, “It's like me walking around.” ([59:10](# Listener Questions)). Their banter highlights the absurdity and discomfort such a situation would provoke.

---

Personal Anecdotes

Youth and Biking Adventures

The hosts delve into their childhood experiences with bikes, sharing stories of modifications, neighborhood mishaps, and the challenges of riding in tough environments. Kevin recalls, “Flip was constantly getting hit. Just wake up his face” ([51:11](# Personal Anecdotes)), illustrating the rough-and-tumble nature of their upbringing.

Casino Shenanigans and Bachelor Parties

Further into the episode, Kevin narrates a chaotic experience at the Tropicana Casino, where a con man disrupted their evening: “Flip was winning the homeless guy… It was insane that they were letting him play” ([53:36](# Personal Anecdotes)). This story showcases their knack for finding humor in unexpected and disordered situations.

Nudist Cruises and Social Etiquette

Reflecting on listener questions, the hosts juxtapose their dive bar experiences with the bizarre idea of attending nudist cruises. H. Foley muses, “Apples and cinnamon smells like Christmas” ([17:55](# Personal Anecdotes)), transitioning the conversation into how different environments test one's social manners and personal boundaries.

---

Humorous Insights and Conclusions

Throughout the episode, Kevin and H. Foley provide comedic yet insightful commentary on what constitutes "garbage" behavior versus acceptable, albeit unconventional, actions. They navigate through a blend of personal stories, listener interactions, and sharp-witted exchanges that keep the conversation lively and engaging.

Notable Quotes:

• Kevin Ryan: “These fucking people. They ordered five espresso martinis...” ([08:12](# Dive Bar Experiences and Etiquette))
• H. Foley: “She’s not going to put up with any shit.” ([07:28](# Dive Bar Experiences and Etiquette))
• Kevin Ryan: “That’s amazing. That’s fun. That’s trashy. Good.” ([30:35](# Listener Questions))
• H. Foley: “What’s the alternative? Sit there and eat fries without ketchup like an asshole?” ([31:58](# Listener Questions))

Final Thoughts:

In "Dive Bar Etiquette," Kevin Ryan and H. Foley effectively blend humor with relatable experiences, offering listeners a candid look into the unpolished side of social interactions. The episode serves as a testament to their comedic prowess, making it both entertaining and insightful for audiences unfamiliar with their show.

---

Stay Connected: For more laughs and candid conversations, subscribe to Are You Garbage? on your favorite podcast platform. Follow Kevin and H. Foley on Patreon for exclusive content and behind-the-scenes access.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah, it's that little show.

[H. Foley]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they grew up to be classy, if they're just a big old piece of truth. Trash, trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She's out doing a little dumpster diving.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

So lunch should be interesting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

To say the least.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chinese again.

[H. Foley]

Mike Co is coming at you from across the table. He is the CEO of are you garbage? He is an international businessman and he's my best pal in the whole wide world. Give it up for kj. It's Kevin. James Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always, thanks for tuning in. Please make sure you rate review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And I gotta be honest, the boys are climbing the charts. We really are really doing numbers over there on Spotify.

[H. Foley]

We're doing top of the pop soon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Number 5,000 on Billboard. And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. are you garbage? You go over there, you get all that bonus content. I'm talking, you get the real feel over there on Patreon. Chicken freaking sandwich.

[H. Foley]

And it's been chilly this summer. Let's say that before we get started, we're here for what we call a family episode. Just boys, the bozos and the homies. Just where we like it. Circling the wagons.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

On this. On this midsummer day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Where the kids get back to school. Take a little walk by the corner office.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, God.

[H. Foley]

Right? Take a little stroll by the corner office. See what's going on over there with.

[Mike Co]

Luke here a lot lately.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's in there getting blown. You're gonna ask for. You go in, ask for an advance. Hey, Mr. Dempsey. I'm a little light and the holiday weekend's coming up. I'm trying to go down to shore with my gal.

[H. Foley]

He does handle the books a little bit over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

What's cooking, Lucas?

[Mike Co]

Not much. I got nothing.

[H. Foley]

How's Ethereum doing?

[Mike Co]

Ethereum.

[H. Foley]

Oh, is that right?

[Mike Co]

Yeah, it's not good.

[H. Foley]

Not good.

[Mike Co]

Bitcoin, baby.

[H. Foley]

Bitcoin. He likes to keep his eyes on the.

[Kevin Ryan]

The prize crypto.

[H. Foley]

Sure. You know what I'm saying? The rich get richer, huh? How you feeling?

[Kevin Ryan]

You know. Or we're in, you know, the dog days of summer.

[H. Foley]

We're in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoo. Pretty good.

[H. Foley]

If this was back in 93, I'd be getting ready for. For camp. For football camp.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is holy.

[H. Foley]

Or 94.

[Kevin Ryan]

That is a record. What happened in 95?

[H. Foley]

I went 96. I got real into the dead 96. I was on my way to the hedgerow theater.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got real into the 70s and just kind of disappeared. Like, what's his name? From the sandlot. Yeah, yeah. Got real into the 70s and just kind of disappeared.

[H. Foley]

I love this time of year.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

The dog days. The corn's in, tomatoes are in, the produce is fantastic. A little more of a dry heat starts to settle in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

[H. Foley]

The mugginess and humidity of June and July starts to fade away. You start looking towards the fall, to the harvest.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, is that what you do?

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

August and everything after the second time.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said that today. Knock that off.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I don't like it. I have one. I don't understand it.

[H. Foley]

It's a Counting Crows lyric. August and everything after.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should be counting calories. What?

[H. Foley]

Who?

[Kevin Ryan]

Counting calories.

[H. Foley]

Counting calories. Counting crows.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I know.

[H. Foley]

I ate two for breakfast, ladies and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gentlemen, by the way the crow flies. All right, listen, Talk to me. I got, as you know, my. Now that I'm a father. My, my.

[H. Foley]

You really have changed, too. Why are you just different?

[Kevin Ryan]

Start slapping you around a little bit. Get over. See what you made me do to you? I don't want to do this. They're giving you the lines my dad gave me. Listen, I'm sorry. That was always like the insane spike of fucking furiosity to then, like, the. He realized he went a little overboard and, like, I just had a bad day at work.

[H. Foley]

I never really. I never really got an apology. It was always.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mine wasn't about. Yeah. Mine wasn't a pal. No, it wasn't apology. It was like you got an explanation. You would at least get one or two reasons as to. Well, he also had a total line because, you know, there's custody issues.

[H. Foley]

My dad would just start making a joke or something like that, or put out a real nice Sunday dinner. You know what I mean? Everything was cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

What are you mad at me? Slap the. Out of me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I told you, the corn's in. You're going everything after August. Shut the he loved the corn, the band. So my nights, you know, I'm. I'm a retired drinker and I'm a. You know, I was a bit of a party man myself.

[H. Foley]

I saw a post with a giggling bottle in front of you just this weekend, didn't I?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Really? Really keeping tabs on me?

[H. Foley]

Sure. No, I like to follow your suburban escapades.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. So I. I went out. We. We were recording in it. We were recording and at a couple of spots in the city. Whatever. Two last week, two weeks ago. You get your booze in nowhere near the.

[H. Foley]

The.

[Kevin Ryan]

My. My. My consumption rate is to prior, which makes me scared. Am I just like not an alcoholic anymore? These are. This is an existential crisis. I gotta go.

[H. Foley]

I think that'll all change once we get back on the block and out on the road.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I just don't have it in me anymore either way. Me and my associate associate Ryan D Went out diesel for drinks after spots.

[H. Foley]

Die ops director of operations here at Toddy llc.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'm a very much. I'm a dive bar man. You know that about me. I like a. I'm a shot and a beer guy, not a cocktail guy. I have a go to cocktail. I get a Manhattan. If I go to a nice Jo Steakhouse, I go, that's the only thing around. Or give me. Give me a Manhattan.

[H. Foley]

I know you're not a New York Times on Sunday kind of guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

New. So I, I was. We. We pick a. We pick a dive bar, the International over there on like 6th and 1st or something like that. East Village.

[H. Foley]

I thought you both stuck to the shade bar over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, he's an East Village guy. I was ending in the. My last spot was in the East Village, so why not?

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, also too, there's, you know, the International. The International. Real, real hole in the wall kind.

[H. Foley]

Of talent in that joint.

[Kevin Ryan]

So this is one of my favorite things about dive bars, specifically in New York, but kind of dive bars in any city. It's kind of like a revolving door. Dive bars are good for like if people are going out to dinner. Like you get all walks of life in a dive bar.

[H. Foley]

It's like people pre gamers, post gamers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jumping in for one. You got the bar fly. You got me and Ryan just posted.

[H. Foley]

Up in the bag that ran out of the bag. Guys that are looking.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get some classy people in there after dinner, before dinner, like, you know, let's just pop in here, we'll get one. It's like A wayward.

[H. Foley]

Everybody likes it. Dive bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

For sure. But here's my thing that's really the.

[H. Foley]

Intersection of, you know, humanity. Humanity.

[Kevin Ryan]

So here's this.

[H. Foley]

Walks of life can mix in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get a library. Yes, but you have. This is my thing. You have to know how to kind of operate to know that you're not in your fucking martini bar. You're at the goddamn international on fucking 6th Street. So we get in there and the.

[H. Foley]

Lady bartender with the. With the tank top and the septum.

[Kevin Ryan]

Piercing and the whole like.

[H. Foley]

She's not going to put up with any shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

This. That's exact. So we get there and this. I'm next to this group of people. There are a group of like four or five rich people in there.

[H. Foley]

Rich people?

[Kevin Ryan]

Like fancy, fancy people. Young people, older and younger. It was like maybe like a dad. A couple in their 30s. It was just like a mix. It seemed like attractive. Yeah. Did it. They were sort. They were. The reservation was in an hour or they had just finished and they were popping in for one. They weren't staying long.

[H. Foley]

Just a pregame situation for them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not sure. It wasn't there. It was mine and Ryan's night out. It was not their night out.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And which. I'm fine. Come in. Come one, come all. New York City dive bar. My thing is know where you're at. Right.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta go. I mean, it's an away game for them. That's fine. If I go to a nice joint, I'm not going. You got PBR back there. Are you doing it city wide? How much is a shot of John? You just go, give me a Manhattan. You know, what do you have on draft?

[H. Foley]

Are you having a Manhattan there?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm saying if I'm at a nice place.

[H. Foley]

Oh, oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

If I'm going to one of their places. I acclimate, of course. And toe the line of class.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

As much as I can.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

These fucking people. They ordered five espresso martinis.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

And she looked at him. First of all, they should have deferred to me and been like, you can go, it's me. I'm ordering two Bud Heavies and two Miller High lifes lines. A high life man. I'm a Bud heavy man. I don't want to be making these trips back and forth. Of course, I double up first round. Get a gentleman, as you would say, paid a toll. Gotta cross the river.

[H. Foley]

Gotta cross the river.

[Kevin Ryan]

So they order five espresso martinis. She. She didn't even do she fucking the Kembe Mutombo. Rejected. That was like. No, just really was just like, we don't have them.

[H. Foley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is a real shot and shot and beer kind of joint.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

She just is like, no, we don't have them. And like, you know, now she's.

[H. Foley]

Can I interest you in an Aperol?

[Kevin Ryan]

Get the fuck out. Meanwhile, it's like, so there, the bouncers out front eating McDonald's. It's like, couldn't be more stereotypical. I show him my. He's like, you good, bro? You good? Yeah. I was like, all right, sure. So it's just very.

[H. Foley]

You old as fuck. Your bald ass in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You ain't funny. In your head. Big. So he. Boom. Swats that away. Which, all right, whatever. Shoot your shot. He then goes, I'll do a.

[H. Foley]

Just a dad ordering.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, this is the jerk off.

[H. Foley]

Son or boyfriend?

[Kevin Ryan]

Boyfriend, Exactly.

[H. Foley]

Yes. In his 30s, spending Daddy's money.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what it felt.

[H. Foley]

He ain't putting a credit card down.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what it felt like.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I know the type.

[Kevin Ryan]

So he does the. And I'm like, just order, dude. They got the clear refrigerators in the back. Just go, I'm clearly jamming up the fucking works here. Just give me some. I'll do a Casamigos, a soda with a twist of lime. And she goes, we don't have casa meat. And I'm like, read the fucking room, guy. Do a fucking.

[H. Foley]

Fuck that Gary Gerber.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do something, man. Come on. Shot in the beer. And she goes, I'll come back to you. And she said, what do you want? I said, do highlights do. But heavy. I was, leave it open. I'm out.

[H. Foley]

And a stepped on bag of yak and a guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you got a number. Yeah. It was just very much like, be aware of your surroundings a little like.

[H. Foley]

Hey, there's Ronald McDonald out front.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a Pepsi guy? Honk, honk. Yeah, it's just very like trying to get weird later. Get out of my world. You're jamming it up. You know what I mean? That'd be like me going to a cocktail ball, like a nice cocktail ball with all these fucking fancy people and being like, kaivan Miller High Life Light. And they'd be like, we don't have that. I go, do you have pbr? It's just like, dude, get the fuck out of here. Gatorade with a splash of Stoli.

[H. Foley]

Not to trash him, he's not here to defend himself. But Ryan Diesel has done that exact thing in a nice Place he's asked for Miller High Life. At places where he shouldn't be asking for Miller High Life.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, listen, I'm not here to fucking sully a man's good, good name when he can't defend himself. We've all had faux pas, but it's like, come on. Of course, you know, triple, double down.

[Mike Co]

The only thing is, when you Google this spot, the first review is the best martini espresso martinis in New York City.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, shit.

[H. Foley]

Shut the fuck up.

[Mike Co]

I'm not kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, listen. Fuck me. Then let's. You know what? Cut that.

[H. Foley]

Start again. Hey, everybody out there, you got a new Tory.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take it from the top. No shit. Yeah.

[Mike Co]

I mean, I agree with, you know, the setting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wow.

[Mike Co]

Casamigos. Go fuck yourself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Totally.

[Mike Co]

But they do that, advertise the best. Professor.

[H. Foley]

I love that. I love the pushback on Casamigo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, Clooney.

[H. Foley]

I fucking listen.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love Clooney. I love Clooney.

[H. Foley]

Out of sight. Give me a break. Oh, brother. Arthur, come on. But the pushback on Casamigos, I think you know that. I love that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. I don't think it's as big as you necessarily think Casamigos is. No, the pushback. Well, I mean, this dive bar didn't have it very.

[H. Foley]

I haven't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I haven't.

[H. Foley]

I haven't been in a room with him in a long time. I'm just saying, when I see him, he's gonna get an earful. That swillies pushing. Weird aftertaste.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

How is it everywhere, too? It's everywhere. They got it in hospitals.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big, big business.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, he moved quick on that. That was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Somebody bought that. That's when. Like, public when. That's like when. Investor money. Yeah.

[Mike Co]

I got made fun of last night. It's like Diego or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

They only get. They own like, every.

[Mike Co]

Yeah, it's like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, they get their hands on it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Keep my mouth shut. I don't know what boys at Diageo looking for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

They flood the block.

[H. Foley]

I get one of those fucking things they use to hack the. The plants. What are they.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

What are those?

[Kevin Ryan]

Machete?

[H. Foley]

No, it's. What's the. What's the thing they make tequila out of?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I don't know. Agave.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, the agave plant. Those things doing that to my ears.

[Kevin Ryan]

Glad we went down that road. No, no, the other thing. The plant. The guy with the thing. But all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode, gang. As you know, when you join the Old Patreon A will answer your garbage question on the air, please. The homies get the first crack at it. This is the newest $10, homie and the longest time bozo. Shout out to it. Never have one red. Is it garbage to put Febreze Rainforest Car vent scents in your home air conditioner to help your house smell good. That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

I don't hate that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, come on.

[H. Foley]

Why? Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't.

[H. Foley]

We standing on airs. Espresso Martini. What's the problem? That's no different than the purist stuff that I'm paying fucking $50 a month for.

[Kevin Ryan]

The what?

[H. Foley]

Pura pura. You know I got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're on it. You're on it. First of all, you're on a scent. You're on a. You're on a home scent subscription. Who the fuck are you?

[H. Foley]

Not by choice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking Johnny Casamigos over here. Look at you. Clooney comes by when I'm smelling nice.

[H. Foley]

That's a white Lotus.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I'm smelling like the Four Seasons. Look at you.

[H. Foley]

I love that smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe that's where all your money's going. You got scent subscriptions. No shit.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Rocket. Money to take care of that. I mean, I don't fucking have it. Not to mention I'm paying for Patty's, too. And she's hoarding.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's got one.

[H. Foley]

She's got one.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's selling weed. Who has one of them? What are you covering up?

[H. Foley]

She just likes it smelling nice. She don't even use it. Yeah, I got. I got that. I got this. I got. I got two of them in the house and she's got two of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that like the diffuser?

[H. Foley]

John, It's. You plug it in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that the stuff? Damon John pumps.

[H. Foley]

Who's Damon John?

[Kevin Ryan]

The.

[H. Foley]

I mean, Ray J. What are you talking about? Who's Damon John?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Damon Dash?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Who you thinking of?

[Kevin Ryan]

Damon. Dad. Damon. Damon John is the shark.

[H. Foley]

Two people?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's the Shark Tank guy. Hey, listen. Guy could buy and sell you all right?

[H. Foley]

Damon John. The black dude? Yeah, I think.

[Kevin Ryan]

The white chicken.

[H. Foley]

Barbara Gerken.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Barb. Beast in the bedroom, man.

[H. Foley]

I like the little one. Little blonde lady.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, do you?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And Mr. Fantastic. Whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Isn't he marvelous? Mr. Wonderful.

[H. Foley]

Mr. Wonderful.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like them all.

[H. Foley]

He's in a band. Did you know that? I saw him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rich guys stink.

[H. Foley]

Rich guys in their band stink.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're trying to get some of. I love all the Sharks. I'm a big Shark Tank guy.

[H. Foley]

I love the guy on the end, Robert Dergeville, well put together guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

He wears a suit, he looks good, real nice.

[H. Foley]

But if you're gonna get anybody, it's Mr. Wonderful.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta push back on that.

[H. Foley]

Shoot you straight. That's the guy you want business with you? He knows the markets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would take.

[H. Foley]

He knows the business. Would we cough any of this up to them?

[Kevin Ryan]

What.

[H. Foley]

What would be our. What would be our pitch to them? I'll give you 85% of the business.

[Kevin Ryan]

Febreze for the home.

[H. Foley]

Listen, it's the same shit, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't want my fucking house smelling like a Mitsubishi Galant or something. Get out of here. No way. It's too, too many. If it's too chemically. Chemically light a candle. What are we doing?

[H. Foley]

You know, Yankee.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yankee hasn't missed in fucking 50 years.

[H. Foley]

You know what I found out this weekend? Speaking of rich people, you know what rich people do to make their home smell good that they don't let anybody know about? They take sea salt and they put it on cotton and they fold it up. That's all they use.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who told you that? What are you going to like fucking fragrance conventions and shit? Who were you? I didn't. I mean, Instagram. You should smell better if you have a monthly. Not saying you smell bad, you don't.

[H. Foley]

My how my house smells good.

[Kevin Ryan]

That should wear off on you a little bit.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean.

[H. Foley]

I smell good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying you smell bad, but I would never pay you as a guy who's on a fragrance subscription, which is crazy.

[H. Foley]

Do you think that I'm the one pulling that string? You?

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Is that what you think?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know, but I'm just saying I like it.

[H. Foley]

I enjoy it. Especially around the holidays. You do? Apples and cinnamon smells like Christmas.

[Kevin Ryan]

Christmas in July, gang.

[H. Foley]

Let's talk about Shopify, baby. As you know, we're a Shopify family. If you're running a small business, you got your side hustle going. Wouldn't it be great if you had a platform that helped you, gave you all the tools to be successful? That's Shopify. We use it. We love it. Shopify's point of sale system is a unified command center for your retail business. It brings together in store and online operations across a thousand locations. Imagine being able to guarantee that shopping is always convenient. Endless aisles, ship to consumer, buy online, pickup in store, and all the simpler things that you need to help run your business. That's what Shopify can do for you. And let's face it, acquiring new customers is expensive. With Shopify's pos you can keep shoppers coming back with personalized experiences and first party data that give marketing teams a competitive edge. In fact, it's proven based on a report from EY Business on Shopify POS see real results like 22% better total cost of ownership and benefits equivalent to an on 8.9% uplift in sales on average retail products. So do yourself a favor, get over to Shopify. Get all the big stuff for your small business right with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com garbage go to shopify.com garbage shopify.com garbage gang, we got to tell you about quints. Now as you know, I'm not a trendy guy, all right? I'm not very fashionable. I don't like to change the trends. But something that I do appreciate is things that fit right, feel good and actually last. All right? Quince is an absolutely amazing company. Quince is the kind of stuff you actually wear on repeat. Like breathable flow knit polos, criss cotton shirts and comfortable lightweight pants that somehow work for both weekend hangs and dressed up dinners. You're going straight to happy hour, baby. Hanging out. Best part, everything on Quince is half the cost of similar brands. By working directly with top artisans and cutting out the middleman, Quince gives you luxury pieces without the markup. And Quince only works with factories that use safe, ethical and responsible manufacturing practices and premium fabrics and finish. So gang, stick to the staples that last with elevated essentials from quince. Go to quince.com garbage for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. That's Q U I N C E.com garbage to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com garbage do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never understood that that was real white trash.

[H. Foley]

Christmas in July.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I thought it was always a joke.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I remember somebody. We're doing Christmas in July. I was like, just fucking. Just get drunk. You don't need to hide behind this.

[H. Foley]

Would they get presents?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know, Luke. I remember being on a dock. I might have been up the mountains or something. I was like this is some real trash. That and people who celebrated their half birthdays. Get out of here. I remember not even be able to do the math to get there. I'm there like, I'm like it's your half birthday.

[H. Foley]

46 and a half alien.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get out of here.

[Mike Co]

Google's Just saying it's a fun way to break up the summer heat with a bit of Christmas cheer. And then it's really popular in the southern hemisphere where July is in the middle of winter.

[H. Foley]

Ah, Where July is in the middle of winter. The Southern hemisphere.

[Kevin Ryan]

Topside toilets go the other way. Down there.

[H. Foley]

Like South America.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Georgia. Yay, South America. Hemis. We're talking hemis.

[H. Foley]

Australia's in the southern hemisphere too, right? Isn't that weird that South America and Australia in the same hemisphere?

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, dude, no, it's not that crazy.

[H. Foley]

It's weird. I don't get to do a Christmas.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tree and like that upside down. Yeah, yeah. Put it on a roof.

[Mike Co]

Yeah, Real weird trees, lights sometimes with the summer twist.

[H. Foley]

Get the fuck out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I. I realized I bought a fucking. I bought a dresser at a yard sale outlet.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wife loves an outlet. And I fucking hate. Just recently, a couple of months ago, just got around to using it.

[H. Foley]

What you mean putting it together?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's together. I didn't put my clothes in it.

[H. Foley]

Because it's yours.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Smells like. Have you had a new dresser?

[H. Foley]

Smells like old wood or that wood. That balsam wood smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cedar something.

[H. Foley]

I hate that.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I only need his mothballs.

[H. Foley]

Put some mothballs in there. Were you a mothball family? No, we were huge on mothballs.

[Kevin Ryan]

And for dinner I always wanted to eat one.

[H. Foley]

It looks so good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Here's my thing. I've only ever. I've only ever owned a new dresser. One other time is when my parents got separated. My dad had to buy new furniture and that smelled. And I just thought that I remember putting my clothes in there and they all smelled like that dresser. And it's like wood or. So. Yeah. Smelled like I was working a goddamn smoker. Smelled like I was down there at Terry Blacks. It's got some fucking beat.

[H. Foley]

Bobby Flay, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, dude. Wheel like a goddamn campfire out here telling ghost stories.

[H. Foley]

Makes the best ribs inside of the Mississippi, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

The big ass head on that kid. But I tell you what, he knows his way around the goddamn trigger. I'll tap in my head.

[H. Foley]

Six year old kid can't be six alarm chili, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember I got my mom.

[H. Foley]

Make your mouth water. Make your butthole scream.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember my mom picked me up in the Sebring convert and smelling like wood. Yeah. She was like. She thought that my. She thought they, they weren't washing my clothes. She was like ready to call child services because she was like, what is that smell? And to me it was just like well, that's what the dresser smells like.

[H. Foley]

That's hickory, bitch. That's where the flavor comes from, honey.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's all surface area, baby. Nowhere for that flavor to hide.

[H. Foley]

You're squirting yourself with a square bottle of apple cider vinegar trying to stay moist.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, got the blue gloves on. Work to me.

[H. Foley]

Take a bite of these nuts. You'll find out.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's my mother.

[H. Foley]

I went too far.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I remember her being like cooking.

[H. Foley]

Kippy low and about 225 for eight hours.

[Kevin Ryan]

No wonder why I couldn't get any chicks in class in there. Smelling like barbecue.

[H. Foley]

Barbecue chips like a can of Bush's baked beans. I assume on the you weren't a baked beans guy. We know that. What would it take for you to eat that little piece of bacon that came in the now in the can of baked beans? What do you mean? You know, a little piece of bacon that's always in a can of baked beans.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's only one piece in there.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've never opened a can of baked beans. Really? No. I'm doing pretty well. No. Not living under a bridge. No.

[H. Foley]

I'm sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love baked beans. I didn't know.

[H. Foley]

I've never baked beans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I love beans. Big bean guy, huh? Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Look at that. I didn't have.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah. Didn't have him for a long time. But to go back to the smoke the put some salt and cotton in.

[H. Foley]

There to clean it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think you made that up.

[H. Foley]

I'm not Luke. Look it up. Rich people put salt in cotton and they wrap it up and that's why.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it why rich people?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

That sounds like a poor person thing.

[H. Foley]

That's their secret.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how keeps them rich.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Spend a monthly fragrance charge.

[H. Foley]

Anything on that?

[Mike Co]

It does work. I don't see the rich person levels of wealth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Google doesn't break it down like you gotta get earn over 6 figures to do it. So I got this dresser and I put my clothes in and then I took out. I got out of the shower and I was going to sleep. I was watching fucking baby shit off me. And I'm going to go to bed and I take a shirt out of the dress and it smells like fucking wood. Yeah. And I'm like I can't sleep. Like it feels like I'm in a coffin or something like that. No way. Give me the eebee GB I'm gonna talk about a pine box fucking black hole. So I. I don't know. How do you fix That I can't be the only guy. The only two new dresses I've ever owned in my life.

[H. Foley]

You got to put something in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but so what? I.

[H. Foley]

Or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. First I did baby wipes. That didn't work.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then I did aggravate it. I did like Clorox wipes. I figure. Let's know.

[H. Foley]

What are you doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

Clorox on wood. Some Murphy's is what you want for that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, that'd be. That. That's all over the fucking. I'd be staining my clothes. I mean, a good shine on it. I'll definitely not get any. Any broads.

[H. Foley]

You need to put a potpourri in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you got to get rid of it. You can't just cover it. You got to kill it.

[H. Foley]

No, you're not gonna kill it. You can't kill wood like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, so I. I fucking bleached it. Then hit it with a heavy, heavy coat of hairspray. Really? Fuck, I. I fucking bug, man.

[H. Foley]

Aqua fresh.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I fucking fogged that all up and closed all the drawers. Let it marry. Smoke it.

[H. Foley]

I was going to say, to work from the inside.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got to get it on a molecular level.

[H. Foley]

You know what Patty always used as a cheap alternative to air fresheners? In the. In the drawers was a bar of soap.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good. Very good.

[H. Foley]

Stick a bar. Stick a bar. I stick a bar. Irish Spring in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where were you yesterday? I'm out of. I'm ruining a goddamn ozone layer in the burbs.

[H. Foley]

It's at the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit me up. I got nothing. I got nothing but time.

[H. Foley]

I'm watching the Patreon.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a double feature.

[H. Foley]

Patriot and Pulp Fiction.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I did that. So I did the hairspray. That worked pretty well. And then it started. So I did dryer sheets. And I gotta really rub the dryer sheets. All that off that. Get that. Get the chemies in there.

[H. Foley]

You have it on you now.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you want to smell me?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why am I getting up?

[H. Foley]

I smell it a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you don't.

[H. Foley]

I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe it's just on me.

[H. Foley]

That and hairspray. You sure don't smell. You sure don't smell like a man. It's very floral, whatever it is. What deodorant are you using?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Oh, you smell my deodorant. I use women's deodorant. A freak in the sheets. Talk about Barbara Corcoran. All right, enough not messing around here.

[H. Foley]

Anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Circle the way.

[H. Foley]

The original question. I don't think it's that bad. I think you roll with it that you want the house to be. Now, I will say this.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's better ways to do it.

[H. Foley]

This is a public service announcement, everybody. They say that shit's no good for you. They say those air fresheners are no good for you. The diffusers, all that stuff. They say it's bad. Causes cancer. Microplastics. No good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm getting back on the heaters.

[H. Foley]

None of that shit's no good for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, if you're. That means you're going to buy them. If you, like, had. This is my thing. If you're going out of your way, you got to get these somewhere. Unless you had them laying around the house. Buy. Just buy the right thing. Don't have your car smelling like a fuck. Don't have your house smell like it.

[H. Foley]

What's the right thing? Those stickums.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, man. Remember them? I never understood those.

[H. Foley]

Those things. I just cranked those things. Them in the gel.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, no, I'm talking about the ones we had. Ones that would go on the wall in the 90s.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they're round.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. We'll stick them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we put them in there. They evaporated and we never changed them again. It was in the closet.

[H. Foley]

Sure. That and the gel ones. The Christmas tree.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were big in College. They were 99 cents. Crank that. You have some broads over. Crank that open. Couple of heaters.

[H. Foley]

You ever see one of those? And they're all dried out like someone got sucked off. Heavy.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you nut and she keeps sucking it. Isn't filthy dragging me down to your level? I'm trying to have educated espresso martini conversations over here.

[H. Foley]

Sunken eyeballs like the raiders of the lost ark Got them.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. This one's from the last farm hero. First time, long time. $10, homie. Is it garbage to keep a bottle of Fireball in your bathroom cabinet with a note that said call it. You snoop and take a shot for when guests come over. That's amazing.

[H. Foley]

Caught you snooping. Take a shot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm out of likes, but this will do. This will take the edge off. Happy hunting. That's great. That's amazing. That's fun. That's trashy. Good.

[H. Foley]

That's fine. That's knowing your. Your. Your. Your friend group.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's knowing your clientele.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's knowing the foot traffic.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a lot. That's really good. That's a good time. I would do. You're having a party, you know, be A people peer, people poke.

[H. Foley]

It'll be a fun thing to do if you had an old bottle of Percocet, just a prescription bottle, and you filled it with like Tylenol or something like that. Put like 20 in there, have a party, see who, see how many are there. At the end of the night, I.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a better Ex Lax. Really? Find out who the culprit was, who's taking it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's pretty good. It's pretty good. Just shitting in my pants. Must ate something.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is from Randy. Ten dollar Steel Dragon. That's a good one.

[H. Foley]

Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are you garbage? If you eat in your car outside a restaurant, but you have to go back inside for extra condiments. I like to spend my lunch break in the car ripping heaters and listening to podcasts.

[H. Foley]

Love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Respect. I picked up a burger and fries from five guys, sat down in the car outside, started eating. I ran low on ketchup, had to go back inside, load up on ketchup from the pump, and then finished my meal.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I can go either way. I mean, it's definitely not the. I can go.

[H. Foley]

What's the alternative? Sit there and eat fries without ketchup like an asshole?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I guess you're all dog. I just think getting up and getting back in would ruin it for me.

[H. Foley]

Once I'm in that situation, once I'm like, locked in.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. You're locked in. You got stuff on your lap. There's a. There's an ecosystem to where everything's placed. Getting up and getting out ruins the rest of the meal.

[H. Foley]

That's like being in the, you know, the shuttle and. Hang on a second. I gotta take out my keys or whatever. Yeah, gotta unstrap all that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I agree with you on that. I'm probably not going back in for the second half of. I'm just. It figured some put a little bit of Febreze air freshener on them or.

[H. Foley]

Something, but truth be told, I would be so lazy where I wouldn't do a five guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because you got to go in.

[H. Foley]

Because you got to go in. Once you break that seal of going in, I like a drive through. Drive through right around, right in the parking lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta be honest with you. I did. I'm not a big fast food man. Never really have been. Was my younger days. But that's crazy. I hit a chick fil a the other day.

[H. Foley]

Did you?

[Kevin Ryan]

And I mean, it's well documented. That's a That's a good organ there. That organization is doing right. You know, they're. They're. The. Mr. Wonderful is overseeing that operation.

[H. Foley]

Well, he's evolved.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm just saying they're that good. I walked into line with 70,000 cars and I go, I'm not dealing with this. Let me get. I'll just gonna pop in.

[H. Foley]

Wow. On a regular day in the burbs. 70,000 cars or.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I might be exaggerating a little Big. Lots of you take big line. 70,000.

[H. Foley]

That's huge. Huge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Might have been a weekend. Don't really remember, but I've been eating very well. I've been. And I was just like. I'm. Listen, I'm not really drinking. I'm off the heaters. I'm eating well. The baby's fucking killing me. Something I need to. I've been thinking about heaters.

[H. Foley]

I'm surprised you're not doing a lot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of chocolate gummy bears.

[H. Foley]

Gummy bears.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll put a pack. Put a pack of gummy bears down a day. I'm off it. I'm off. But the first two weeks, I'd leave. I'd leave. We were at the apartment.

[H. Foley]

How does that work with the Manjaro? I figured that would jam me up. That takes a lot of. What's it called? Digestion.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, whatever. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Plastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Either way, that was my go. So I need. I'm a man of vices, and I have no vices right now.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I get it.

[H. Foley]

It's all about. We're all vices.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I love a vice, man.

[H. Foley]

I'm in six of them right now. Head, legs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I am nuts. Each one for the pecker. I counted 31 people that I could see working in this place. 31. I was blown. It was like a fucking.

[H. Foley]

It's a serious operation.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like a fucking Indonesian sweatshop.

[H. Foley]

What's the franchise situation over there?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they're all individually owned. I think so. I don't know them as franchises.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you mean. What do you mean, individually owned? That's is.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, they're all owned by the company. I'm sorry.

[H. Foley]

So we'd have to buy into the company.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I thought. I don't think it's a publicly traded company.

[H. Foley]

We'd have to move some people.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like. Well, they're like wawas.

[Mike Co]

I think it's like McDonald's. They own the real estate.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, they are franchise. They are franchise shark thing.

[H. Foley]

There you go.

[Kevin Ryan]

I always thought they were, like a privately owned company, but, like, they owned everything in house. But I mean, listen, I was greeted 15 times. Are you waiting? Have you ordered yet, like, by the run in? Yeah, I went in.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wasn't waiting in that fucking line, huh?

[H. Foley]

You went in by yourself?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wife stayed in the car.

[H. Foley]

Oh, she was with you?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Kitten caboodle. Had the kid with you, too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now her parents are watching them.

[H. Foley]

Nice. What, you guys are running errands?

[Kevin Ryan]

Running to the store. And they were like. He was sleeping.

[H. Foley]

Store? The grocery store.

[Kevin Ryan]

Target. Big Target guy.

[H. Foley]

Target, yeah. So you stopped there before Target or after Target?

[Kevin Ryan]

Before Target. Before I could. I wouldn't be able to handle Target knowingly. I had.

[H. Foley]

I had she get something too.

[Kevin Ryan]

She did not.

[H. Foley]

No kidding. Not a lemonade or anything like that?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

You go in.

[Kevin Ryan]

I went in.

[H. Foley]

What'd you get?

[Kevin Ryan]

What I got.

[H. Foley]

You got two. You got two sandwiches now. Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Three, four.

[H. Foley]

You got one sandwich and nuggets.

[Kevin Ryan]

One sandwich, Nuggets. Yeah, one sandwich meal and then a nugget. Wow. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I know you.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you didn't. You said, I got two sandwiches.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna get there. I knew there wasn't one item. You didn't go in and ask for the. The Oriental chicken salad. Asian chicken salad. Sorry. Which is my favorite? Sesame dressing.

[Kevin Ryan]

But it was just one of those things where I'm like, man, I haven't been here. And the last one I was in was. They opened up in my. Like, around my hometown. This is in high school, probably, maybe college. I went in. There's one or two in New York that I'll pop in. But it's not as. Not as. Dude, I walked in, I went, these people, you give them another three, four years, they'll take over the world. This fucking. This chick Fil A.

[H. Foley]

There's one on 6th Ave. That fucking. It's like a Scientology center.

[Kevin Ryan]

People hanging in there. Yeah. All right. But, yeah, shout out to. I mean, my mind was blown at that operation they got going on over there.

[H. Foley]

But I respect the move on the five guys. I like the fact you went up and got your shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Respect if it's gonna make your meal better. It's not. I mean, but then I don't know what five guys has. Are you. You're walking out. You're not. He said the pumps. You're walking out with loose ketchup.

[H. Foley]

Could be in a napkin. It could be in those.

[Kevin Ryan]

If it's a napkin.

[H. Foley]

I always went, napkin. Oh. Back in the day at, like, Wendy's.

[Mike Co]

Or, like, on the tray?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. You're not taking the. You're not taking the napkin in the car. People do the lid. The soda lid.

[H. Foley]

It's gross. Why go roadie soda lid?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, let me ask you. What, are we splitting hairs here?

[H. Foley]

Since we're talking about it, let's get some. Since we're talking about it, let's say this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Say it.

[H. Foley]

You in previous times on the road. Okay, Got that back on the block. Coming up for something.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're going to air out my dirty laundry?

[H. Foley]

No. You just. You happen to sometimes like a McNuggie in the middle of the night on the road. Right? Is that fair to say? You have gotten McNuggets on the road in the middle of the night? You'll give me that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

But it's not. I. It's not because I like McNuggets. It's because we're in like.

[H. Foley]

You don't like McNuggets.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not ordering them because I like McNuggets. I'm ordering them because it's the only thing available at that time in a smaller market. I can't get a slice of za. The fucking. I can't.

[H. Foley]

You know, gang, let's take a second or a minute to talk about Helix Mattresses. Now, you know, we're a Helix family. We've been talking about Helix for four years. We love Helix. Kippy's got a Helix. I got a Helix. I got shot down at one last night, went and whacked off on the couch. But I went back to my Helix to go to sleep because it's the best night's sleep you're ever gonna have. You go over to the site, helix.com you take a quiz. Takes two minutes. How do you sleep? Do you sleep hot? Do you sleep cold? Do you sleep on your back? Are you a bigger guy? Are you a smaller guy? Are you a tall guy? Do you like to cuddle? Whatever you do, when you're in the boudoir, Helix has a mattress for you. Absolute best mattress you're ever going to have and probably the last mattress you're ever going to have because you're going to keep going back to Helix because they're that good. So do yourself a favor. Go to helix.comgarbage and get the kicker. 27% off sitewide for AYG fans. Look at that. Helix.com/garbage for 27% off statewide. Helix.com/garge. Do it. Are you. Garbage is brought to you by Progressive Insurance, fiscally responsible financial geniuses, Monetary Magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you when you need need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.

[H. Foley]

Be that as it May. You have McNuggets, you get your. Your preferred dipping sauce is barbecue, correct or sweet and sour?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not even a barber. I'm not even a sauce man. I'm a dry nug man.

[H. Foley]

Is that true?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's true.

[H. Foley]

It doesn't really apply.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I will throw in barbecue and I'll dabble one or two, but it takes away from the integrity of the.

[H. Foley]

Nugget, then it doesn't apply to you. My question, if you were a sauce guy, it's what do you do when you're out of sauce? Do you stop eating the nuggets or do you. Or do you raw dog through them?

[Kevin Ryan]

If I have a 10 piece Nuggie from McDonald's, I'll probably pop open one Barabiq and I'll dip two to three nuggets.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but see, you're a dry nugget guy. Guy, I need my sauce. Usually when the sauce is done, I'm done, unfortunately.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, well, that's sad to hear.

[H. Foley]

Same thing with the soda. Soda's gone. It's over.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but it's like I'm so good at throttling my. I'm seeing moves 10, 10, 10, 16, 10, 12 steps ahead of time.

[H. Foley]

I'm not. Sometimes I'll just.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get sauce on the brain. Yeah, that's your problem.

[H. Foley]

Bury the soda. Ruin everything.

[Kevin Ryan]

One good trick for that, fill it with water. Now remove the straw.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I'm always removing. I love sipping out of the cup.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying you don't. I'm just saying that's a big novice thing because you take so much more in with those big powerful jowls you got. You got sip. Let the ice work. As a governor.

[H. Foley]

Dizzy Gillespie over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's. This one's from DP Fan. $10. $10, homie. Never have one red. Are you garbage. If as you were a kid, your dad fixed a broken kickstand on your bike with a piece of copper pipe he had laying around, he then spray painted it black. So then the co. So nobody Would steal the copper pipe. That's your. That's a, That's a tough neighborhood if you, if you got to hide a 6 inch piece of copper that is jammed up. I respect it though.

[H. Foley]

Sparks flying out of the bottom of that thing as you're dragging it.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were never. Kickstands became very corny.

[H. Foley]

Off. Yeah, off.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you had one, you took it off. It was for children at a certain. After 10, 8 years old, probably it was like, this is for kids. I'm a guy, I roll up, I ghost ride it. I. Whatever, you know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Criminal. Criminalizing your bike at a certain age. Like, you know, like taking the, the, the front brakes off or taking off the kickstand. Getting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Getting it set of chromies on air. Yes. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Getting it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Outlaw one percenter.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Outlawing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Same.

[H. Foley]

Not street legal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Taking off the kickstarter reflectors gotta go. Gone.

[Kevin Ryan]

What am I in what. What am I, a fucking narc?

[H. Foley]

The. The foam, the pads.

[Kevin Ryan]

But then that kind of came back at a certain age for us when like, if you got into biking, like bike racing, they had cool ones, you know, like Fox or whatever. Like they became branded. It was cool at one point. Fox Racing, I bought for like. I remember I bought it for like 12 bucks off my buddy. Put it right there. But yeah, I agree with.

[H. Foley]

Was it a Fox bike or whatever?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, poser. I'm over there doing fucking more of an ash, man. Yeah, yeah. But no, I agree with you there.

[H. Foley]

And adjusting the handlebars. There was this one dirtbag who was a couple years older that did everybody's bikes in the neighborhood. He was like two houses down from us at town line. He was scary as shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

But once, they always are.

[H. Foley]

Once you were friends with him, he would like.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was like the kid that knew how to work a socket wrench at too young of an age. Oh man, he made a 3, 8 spit. You're like, well, he's got a, got a cig hanging out the side of his mouth.

[H. Foley]

Hand him a GI Joe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, what the fuck? It's 5:16.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You had to take your handlebars from this and put them up like that. So you fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

So whether we even got to one.

[H. Foley]

So they stripped and went on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, man. Fucking talk about losing your two front teeth.

[H. Foley]

Looking like a bozo in front of the chicks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Face plant. That was big. And then at one point, too, depending on your level of intrus. Evan, as you got a little older, we had a buddy who was into bike like bmx and we tried it was like one summer, we kind of got into it. You would take pipe cutters and cut. You didn't want wide handlebars. That was novice. Look, like you couldn't. You couldn't do big tricks. You had a fucking. Tighten them down for a fucking.

[H. Foley]

You got your little tassels on. Kippy's on a banana seat.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a sissy bar on there.

[H. Foley]

That's a girl's bike. Ain't you good, man? Were you a beach cruiser?

[Kevin Ryan]

Family down the shore?

[H. Foley]

I hated those things.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had two. One, not me. My aunt and uncle had.

[H. Foley]

And they're like £700, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but you could. They were good for us.

[H. Foley]

It's like trying to ride a rank core.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that a military again? It's a Star Wars. Oh, my God. Even worse. Just. You're stealing Intergalactic Valor.

[H. Foley]

It's not a military. It was an animal. It was a beast. Rancor monster.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry. Okay.

[H. Foley]

Tough to do. Tough to ride.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, like mind melt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but they weren't riding them recreationally. They were riding them to battle.

[H. Foley]

Not in war. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not once.

[H. Foley]

No. I mean, they did it in battle, but not in a military sense. No, they weren't using them like that. I was not stealing valor. Jabba the Hutt had one, if that makes any sense.

[Kevin Ryan]

Case in point, not making a good case.

[H. Foley]

There's not a military operation.

[Mike Co]

Rancors are ridden and fought alongside Jedi in battle.

[H. Foley]

No, they're not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry, who do I believe? Google or the guy who lies about everything?

[H. Foley]

That's not Google.

[Mike Co]

Google, baby.

[H. Foley]

Not with Jedi. Jedi wouldn't ride them.

[Mike Co]

Jedi wouldn't be caught dead or fought alongside Jedi.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jedi of my stature would never. Yeah, he tried to fight. Pick up Luke from across the room. Shut up, please.

[H. Foley]

Must have been in the old days.

[Kevin Ryan]

Before I was banging old timers.

[H. Foley]

Yoda was a teenager.

[Kevin Ryan]

So what was I saying?

[H. Foley]

Something stupid?

[Kevin Ryan]

The beach cruisers there, we had two. Not we. My aunt and uncle. My cousin got them. They would spend their summers down the shore in that old fucking sea aisle house. And there was. There'd be 50 kids. So we would fucking. My one older cousin had one. And they would ride on the handlebars. That was like. Cool.

[H. Foley]

They sucked. There was no modification in those things.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. That was like driving. I fucking. I was like driving an Oldsmobile.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hated. Heavy. Hated it. I was never allowed to ride it. That's too young.

[H. Foley]

Limit kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Heads too big. Center of gravity's off.

[H. Foley]

Break the boardwalk.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were like. That was. That was big. I remember Flip had A beach cruiser. Our first. We lived at Temple. We lived at 17th and Edgley. On Edgley. 1716 Edgeley Street. Bad neighborhood. Sure, bad. Real bad. And flip was like, I'm going to be right. Because we were off camp, technically, off campus. Flips, like, you know, I'm be riding my bump. I'm bringing my beach cruiser up from Wildwood. I'm going to be fucking riding to clay shot.

[H. Foley]

The first day, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, the first week he was riding. He was riding to class through a bad neighborhood. And everybody was going, how much do you want for that bike? Let me buy that bike off you. And I was like, you better get what you can now, because by the end of the week, that bike ain't gonna be yours, Big dog.

[H. Foley]

Price starts dropping, it's a buyer's market.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like, buddy, you better. You get that thing back to Wildwood. It don't belong in fucking North Philadelphia.

[H. Foley]

Ended up getting stolen.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was chained up out front.

[H. Foley]

Where? At the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

At the house?

[H. Foley]

Come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Like a rinky dink.

[H. Foley]

Sweet kid from the suburbs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know fucking Wildwood Crescent.

[H. Foley]

Has anyone seen my bike?

[Kevin Ryan]

Anybody see my beach cruiser? It was my father's beach cruiser. Dude, they fucking ganked this.

[H. Foley]

Excuse me, sir. I believe that's my bicycle.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like Debo came and took that.

[H. Foley]

I wanna run flips bike. Shout out to Debo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they got that. He was devastated. I remember everybody gonna do what the did you think would. Dude, the whole. He rode down. He rode down the street and the whole neighborhood was like, that's a nice bike. And they fucking riding down like Pee Wee Herman.

[H. Foley]

Hey, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's. We got his feet off the side.

[H. Foley]

And he's waving to people.

[Kevin Ryan]

And like that right inside saddle, showing off all these tricks. This thing practically drives itself.

[H. Foley]

I'm off to class. What are you guys majored in? Well, I'll see you in the caf. At the pep rally down at the quad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, very funny. Yeah, he got got, dude.

[H. Foley]

Switchblade. Do you have classes today?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, ice Pick. Well, I see you in history. Yeah, that was a. I mean, I was like. I was a. I'd like to purchase.

[H. Foley]

Your finest dime bag, please. It's my bike. Okay, Outside while we do business.

[Kevin Ryan]

I assume it's safe for me to leave. My. My sweet ride out from my chariot.

[H. Foley]

Ah, the alleyway. Excellent. I'll meet you there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You say it's sundown? Sure. Odd time to conduct business, but what's.

[H. Foley]

With the baseball bat? Are we playing a game? Empty my pockets. You Know where we're going with this?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was loving it. Flip with. Dude, Flip got mugged so many times. So many times. Dude. Dude, it was crazy. His Flip was constantly getting hit. Just wake up his face. He'd have a black eye. Like, what happened? He's standing next to the wrong. He was always the Flip was always at the wrong place at the wrong time.

[H. Foley]

Like in Pretty Blunt Kids. Fancy ass bike.

[Kevin Ryan]

You go with that bike, pretty boy.

[H. Foley]

Poor Flick Phillips got a nasty side to him, though. Yeah, tough side to him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I saw him yell at that homeless guy at the casino. That was stealing.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was stealing his money.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, he fucking lost it. I was like, damn, turn me on a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was one of my all time blunders of reading in a situation. No shit. We were.

[H. Foley]

You mean the guy. The guy that was foaming at the mouse stealing chips.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was an actual. Dude, what casino were. We are not a good casino.

[H. Foley]

We were at the Tropicana at the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trop in the ac on like the first floor. Like we were like right by the door.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we're gambling with. Flip was after a show or something.

[H. Foley]

After a show.

[Kevin Ryan]

What show was that?

[H. Foley]

We did something at the Tropicana. This is. This is, I think pre AYG. It's probably 2019.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, this would. This had to be. Would this been our first Ayg show at the Trop in that celebrity theater?

[H. Foley]

Yes, that would make sense.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that makes sense. And then we went to that Irish bar. We drank there, got all. And then came back and that we were. Yeah, I guess we were staying there or whatever. That makes sense. There was a homeless man.

[H. Foley]

We were Big Kevin Court, I believe, at the bar.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but I remember Big. It was me. You flipping big gay aunt. Mm. Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And I told you guys we should get out of there. It was a bad scene. But you all had that look in your eye. That was the first. That was the first time you saw me turn into a pussy in a casino.

[Kevin Ryan]

It wouldn't be the last.

[H. Foley]

No, because I read the situation. This guy's fucking foaming at their mouth. He's got no shirt on. They're letting him play at the fucking tape.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was insane that they were letting him play.

[H. Foley]

And he got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

He kept y'. All. They fucked him up, dude. It was like something out of Casino. They zapped him with the.

[H. Foley]

With the cattle prod after they had had enough of them. And they were real professional about it. They took him away.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, so he was winning. So Flip was Winning the homeless guy? No, Flip was winning. The homeless guy kept moving his bets around. We were playing roulette. He kept moving the bay. Real frantic movement. Smooth talking. We're really, you know, it was one of like a con man where he's like. He creates enough of a distraction, but not too distracting, where you're like, you know what I mean? Like that. That is like an art. You know what I mean? Where you're like, oh, give me dial. Let me break that 20. Let me get five back. Like that kind of thing.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bamboozled you real quick. And Flip kept winning. And he was take the. They would put the money behind Flips bet. And he would take that money and flip it like, that's the third time. This guy is my money. And like, whatever. And I remember being like, they would catch this flea. Was complaining about it for like a half hour. I'm like, there's no way this guy's just stealing your money. Was a proper homeless man. Proper, proper homeless.

[H. Foley]

Foaming is white foam all around.

[Kevin Ryan]

No shirt on, I don't think. Right. Or like the shirt was over his shoulder. And then finally we were like, he's stealing the money. Like, once I was finally convinced. We're like, he. We're like, this is nuts.

[H. Foley]

I believe he took Flip's bike too.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's out there. Let me get my beach cruiser and get it on at it.

[H. Foley]

Casino on a beach cruiser. But then as we were leaving, we saw them around the corner. There was like 12 of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Plane closed. And then like, there was like county sheriffs, like, it was every department beating the out. He was trying to get away. They were like, stop resisting everybody. I mean, it was like rent a cops. Everybody was in there.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Those guys don't around down here.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. That was tough.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, tough scene.

[Kevin Ryan]

But this weekend, Atlantic City, baby. At the Borgata. Maybe a few tickets left. Doubtful.

[H. Foley]

Never been to the Borgata.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been once. My boy Ryan got us thrown out. He was too. We don't have a good chief. My boy was banned.

[H. Foley]

That's the old stomping ground on my aunt Colleen. She used to run that joint, the Borgata. Yeah, I love the Borgata. Spread a little money around down here, man. Carl. Classy broad.

[Kevin Ryan]

I only been once. I. I drank it. They have like a circle bar. I drank there for a bachelor party. We went down. Ryan got too blacked out and got us kicked out of there right away. I had to go back and pick him up.

[H. Foley]

Diesel?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, my other boy Ryan had to go pick him Up. He was black. It was one of those where like our first bachelor parties. Mm. Right.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like 26 maybe. He had had a kid early, so he was like off the grid. And then this was like, we're going down for the weekend.

[H. Foley]

I was always bad in those situations.

[Kevin Ryan]

Blacked out at like, oh, we'll meet up at this bar, have a couple of beers. He was lights out. I had to go back and pick him up from the cop. The borgata cops.

[H. Foley]

I was always so bad in those situations, man. The more like pressure, the more big of a night it was. I'd always lunch. It wouldn't be ready be Jones in the whole night. Drinking was never enough. Never had our together it was. And if I. If I was all situated, I'd be, you know, shifting around. Shady.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And they were good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know the vibes. Yeah. I. That one was a real mix of the brother in law. The in law side of the. The wife's family had some older gentlemen attend which didn't.

[H. Foley]

They could fuck it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I mean it was so it was like two or three of them and then all of us.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'm talking Pat, I'm talking like heavy bike bozos.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. In our prime, when there's a guy at the bachelor party that's not like, like tight with everybody. Maybe it's like the brother or the bride or something like that. He's usually the. That's like ordering heavy at dinner. Not, you know, like, not not, you know, paying his. Whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

He didn't love the fact that he was with all of us and how loosey goosey we were with, you know, social etiquette and.

[H. Foley]

Oh, okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Narcotics, to say the least. And I remember we took it. We took a limo. And listen, I call balls and strikes. Pat, on the other hand, is a little lackadaisical with. He was. He still is with certain social norms. We took a limo because that was all they could take. There was like 12 of us or whatever and we took a limo and Pat got in smoking a cig into the limo. But we were first, so we were all the way down the barrel. So there's no windows, which everybody our age is like, wow, whatever. You know, most of us smoked and it was what it was. But man, I remember this guy screaming at Pat for.

[H. Foley]

I mean, was the limo driver or the brother?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the brother.

[H. Foley]

We're his problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, we're essentially hot. Boxing a hot box and cigs in a limo on an eight minute car ride. Put this thing Out.

[H. Foley]

That's a party.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't disagree. I do see the gentleman's point there though.

[H. Foley]

And I mean, sounds like a real. To me.

[Kevin Ryan]

From then on, that was that they.

[H. Foley]

Were just nipping at each other.

[Kevin Ryan]

That guy went home early and fell asleep and Pat's stuff was in that room. So Pat went in the room and I think was like got into bed with them or something. It was a. I assume on some sort of dare. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Talking in that limo and Pat's smoking.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the room blowing his face when he's sleeping. Yeah, it was just very. We don't mix well. We didn't mix well with others at a certain age. Sure.

[H. Foley]

I don't mix well now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. All right. This one's from Jeff. Is it garbage if your dad's idea of a vacation is inviting you to a nudist cruise with your stepmom?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

The P.S. my stepmom left my dad for a guy they had a three way with.

[H. Foley]

Jesus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, that's in. Why would you ever.

[H. Foley]

That's creepy. Freaky.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm interested. I'm listening.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you take the dad out of the situation who's just him and the stepmom on a nudist cruise outright.

[Kevin Ryan]

The brother son.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Any. First of all, most of these nudist people aren't the new. From what I learned from real sex aren't the ones you want to see. You want to see naked.

[H. Foley]

It's like me walking around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Which, hey, to each their own, all of that. But it's not like. Like they don't do it as a sexy thing. It's like a freeing. It's a liberating.

[H. Foley]

People say that, but it is. Come on. It's all about sex. Everything's about sex. What are you talking about? You're drinking that soda's about sex.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Turning me look over your naked ball bag.

[H. Foley]

That's wild.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I mean, would he know his dad at a threesome either?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I think if your dad's inviting you to a nudist cruise, you're a little. You're a little laissez faire with the taboo.

[H. Foley]

Wonder what the stepmom looked like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, probably like a stepmom hot. No, no, I can see the hair.

[H. Foley]

What hair?

[Kevin Ryan]

The. The 90s stepmom hair. That's what.

[H. Foley]

You know, a nudist cruise, they have those. Those still going on.

[Mike Co]

I know. They're swinger cruises. Those are big on Instagram.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I mean, like if you're. If you're. You Know your idea of entertainment is, you know, swap. Why not just go on a cruise? You get to hang by the pool. You see the bikinis, the banana hammocks, the hoogie crushers.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Mike Co]

Nudist cruises are still banging.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that go for and how long?

[Mike Co]

It's by Baron, it's by Bare Necessities Travel. Let me find you. Let me find you.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty.

[H. Foley]

That ain't Norwegian, I'll tell you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

SS Hard On SS Freak a leak.

[H. Foley]

Could I go on something like that? A swingers cruise. You gotta have a chick though, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

No one's looking for me. Cruising around.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they do. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

What are they gonna do with me?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're what they call a cuck. No, I'm kidding. Sure, I like to watch. No, Yeah, I think they look for. Because there was like that Tinder for threesomes where they. They look for like a bull or something. They call it. They look for that.

[H. Foley]

I'm no bull.

[Mike Co]

Rooms are starting around lamb.

[H. Foley]

Baby tender.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a piece of veal.

[Mike Co]

Starting around 20, 20, 200.

[Kevin Ryan]

How long?

[Mike Co]

I think it's. Let's say five day cruise.

[H. Foley]

Next Patreon. Goal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do they. Do they encourage solo fat gentlemen with weird sexual.

[H. Foley]

What's the buffet situation? I can't be eating naked.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about going back for ketchup. Yikes.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I can't be. I'd have to have a stiffy the whole time.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's weirder.

[H. Foley]

I can't be showing my true colors.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think if you're the only guy.

[H. Foley]

Hard in line for the Stolen Valor.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy really likes prime ribbon.

[Mike Co]

It's an 11 day adventure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy. That's too long.

[H. Foley]

That's a lot of come.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does it say what boat?

[Mike Co]

Norwegian Pearl.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the one we've. That's the. That's the fucking cruise we were on. That was the one. We were gonna grin.

[H. Foley]

Man, they use that for everything.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man. I ain't never sitting down on nothing.

[H. Foley]

I wonder what they do. How does the staff work with that?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

The staff has to see that, deal with that. Maybe it's not naked everywhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, get the rules on that.

[Mike Co]

Yeah, I think it's whatever you want.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your family book a couple of tickets.

[H. Foley]

A couple of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Are they leaving this weekend? Bon voyage.

[H. Foley]

What's Expedia saying?

[Mike Co]

It's whatever you feel comfortable with.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I think you.

[H. Foley]

I wonder. What do they do with the staff though?

[Mike Co]

I think the staff is.

[H. Foley]

I'm sure they're closed.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, listen, I.

[H. Foley]

But as they have to they got to give you a heads up on that. Hey, by the way, this weekend's the free.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure they do this weekend to.

[H. Foley]

Freak off on the short. They do that, right? They gotta let you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they. I'm sure. Yeah. The staff. Listen, this. That's. That staff tends to be from very third world countries. They're not picking them up, you know, from like Greensboro, Alabama or whatever. They're like, from like Jakarta, I think, as sad as it is.

[H. Foley]

What are you saying? They play ball.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. They go, all right, I'll deal with the fucking. They also got that. They got the heavy metal crews. They got the impractical jokers. That's probably not their worst weekend.

[H. Foley]

How do you do that? How do you do that? Sanitarily. Like, you, like, you're going to the buffet, you're sitting on the chair with it with your naked ass, which probably had something in it not that long ago.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think your clothes. I don't think your. Your swimsuit ass is much better.

[Mike Co]

The self serve buffet is a clothes free area.

[Kevin Ryan]

Clothes free.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Mean, no clothes.

[Mike Co]

No clothes.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Restaurants, probably.

[Mike Co]

Yeah, yeah, the restaurants. Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Laundry.

[H. Foley]

Restaurant what? Clothes free.

[Mike Co]

No restaurants. Clothes.

[H. Foley]

Okay. What's my lingerie?

[Mike Co]

Lingerie fetish wear and excessive genital jewelry are not appropriate at any time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm out. Genital jewelry?

[H. Foley]

What's genital jewelry? Like bedazzling up the nuts?

[Mike Co]

Please sit on a towel at all times while nude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, there you go.

[H. Foley]

Please sit on a towel.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's. There's a fucking. There's a. There's a set of rules here. These people aren't animals.

[H. Foley]

There's probably like two hot couples on that. The rest are fun.

[Kevin Ryan]

See if you can get pics. Bare necessities.

[Mike Co]

The pics on the website are pretty important.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's me and him. Let me see how that tag team, two other dudes. What do you guys do for a living?

[H. Foley]

Binoculars and an awkward sunburn.

[Kevin Ryan]

What street did you grow up on? We're just doing bad crowd work with them. Huh. Okay. All right.

[H. Foley]

Would you do that with me?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Took a shot. You wouldn't do it with me.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

If I was like, all right, let's go. You wouldn't do it.

[H. Foley]

We're not.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't get you to grab a beer with me sometimes, let alone fucking.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna see some hog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, that Norwegian pearl gets around. That's what they do. Like the cannibal corpse on the headbanger's ball. The dirty little bird. Mm.

[H. Foley]

T Little bird.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like Very clean ship though. I have to give him that great time. But we gotta wrap it up.

[Mike Co]

Just some quick reviews on the people hit me the There were a lot of large people. The crowd tended to be older and people more comfortable being nude later in life.

[H. Foley]

That's me.

[Mike Co]

The breakdown by numbers by a Reddit user is 20% attractive, 20% average, and 60% unattractive.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's about the cross section of the world, though.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? That's. That's like if you go to the. That's like if you're going to a Phillies game.

[H. Foley]

Can I just wear a top? Gang, we'll see you down Atlantic City this weekend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody keep their clothes on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or don't.

[H. Foley]

Or don't. Whatever you want to do. We love you. We'll see you down there. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.

[H. Foley]

Peace.