Transcript

A (0:00)

Philadelphia and the surrounding areas. I'm talking about Lansdale, Whippain, Kountohocken. The boys are coming back to Philly for the biggest show they've ever done. December 13th at the Met.

B (0:10)

I'm talking to you, Langhorne, Larry Pendell, Pete Bristol, Bob, get your tickets@rugarbage.com Talking.

A (0:18)

About Moralton, New Jersey. We're talking about Plymouth White Marsh. We're talking about you snobs out there on the main line. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys.

B (0:26)

Dirtbags in Levittown. I'm talking Upper Makefield, Bristol. I'm talking Shellfont. The rednecks up there by Scranton. Get your tickets. The boys are hanging.

A (0:37)

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast, this is R U Garbage.

B (1:02)

Oh yeah, it's our little show.

A (1:03)

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that have to grow up to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash.

B (1:09)

Trash, trash, trash.

A (1:10)

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's in the garage doing a little free weights, okay.

B (1:18)

Pumping some iron, throwing a steel around.

A (1:20)

Getting ready for the holiday season. Listen to a little dmx. You know how she likes to do it. Getting her bark on as they say.

B (1:26)

Sure.

A (1:26)

Mike Koz is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it, especially around the holiday season. Give it up for my good pal kj Kevin James Ryan everybody.

B (1:42)

Hey, what up gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on. On on Spotify as well. Then obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com Are you garbage? You go over there, you join the over 15,000 members. The whole over 15,000 homies. That's enough to take over a small country if we ever needed to, you.

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: Divorce Court w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: November 20, 2025

Episode Overview

This raucous “family episode” of Are You Garbage? features hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan (with producer Lucas) sans guest, digging into their personal lives and signature trashy behaviors. It’s a rapid-fire, hilarious take on everything from communal bathroom hygiene and travel habits to money mishaps, weird office jobs, funerals, BYOB faux pas, and the glory of Philly pretzels—all with their signature Philly blue-collar warmth and mutual ribbing.

The central purpose: Reveal and relive the subtle (and not-so-subtle) “garbage”/trashy behaviors that unite them and their audience, with stories, listener submissions, and endless digressions.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Philly Show Announcement & VIP Giveaway (00:00–07:27)

Excitement about their biggest show ever in Philly (Dec 13 at The Met).
The boys emphasize staying close to their fanbase: “We never charge for a meet and greet. We never have. We never will.” —Kevin (04:43)
Explanation of how fans can win free VIP meet & greets by buying tickets and entering via a link (05:35).

2. Classic ARUG Banter & “Family” Episode Vibes (03:50–04:38)

Just the “bozos and homies” for this special, no-guest holiday episode.
Playful roasting about whose head is bigger, travel disasters, and “organizing 15,000 Patreon members like a military coup.”
“I could do some damage with that. They're all gonna listen, right? An Old Country Buffet, maybe.” —Foley (02:10)

3. Communal Bathroom Roast: Foley’s Toothbrush Hygiene (08:03–15:15)

Kevin shames Foley for leaving his wet toothbrush out in the (communal) sink near “pubes” and “a rust ring.”
“Your wet toothbrush... you can see pubes... On the corner, a couple of short curly. Right there in the bottom.” —Kevin (11:13)
Foley defends himself: “That doesn't rattle me at all.” (11:57)
Lucas compliments Foley for “taking good care” of the bathroom…sort of.
Spirals into trash talk about cheap toothbrushes, using old ones for cleaning the grill, and parents’ nasty habits.

4. Army of “Garbage” & Patreon Talk (15:15–16:20)

Jokingly organizes listeners “into regiments” for a military-style takeover.
“The first 2,000 guys tie my shoes. Second 2,000 to redo the bathroom.” —Foley (15:34)

5. Listener Questions—Personal “Garbage” Stories (19:08–58:26)

a. Financing Mattresses & Pillow Flexing (19:08–21:10)

Is it garbage to finance a Tempur-Pedic mattress, then brag about your $300 pillow at a camping trip?
“That's two steps to living like a dirt bag. You finance. Your face throw.” —Foley (20:22)

b. AMEX Points Bragging (22:18–33:18)

Kevin enjoys stockpiling points; Foley’s clueless about where his go.
“Are points and miles the same thing?” —Foley (23:04)
Hilarious boomer-energy confusion about how points can even pay bills.

c. High/Low Office Job Memories (34:49–43:53)

Firing your own dad at Dunkin’ Donuts after he no-shows? “You fired your dad? That's great. What do you mean? He left them high and dry!” —Kevin (35:35)
Nostalgic stories about working jammed-up workplaces: “Everybody looked like they were in divorce court.” —Kevin (41:44)

d. Funeral Song Fails (51:38–53:14)

Playing funeral music from a pickup 100 yards away, then restarting it with an iPhone—bonus points for an AI-generated tribute.
“That guy was definitely buried in a stripped-down casket, like made out of IKEA board.” —Foley (52:32)

e. BYOB Blunders (54:36–59:29)

Pressure to bring wine to Philly BYOBs; Foley and Kevin admit to toting coolers of beer instead—and Drew scorn.
“They want you bringing a bottle of wine. What they get is me rolling in with a six pack of Schlitz.” —Kevin (55:17)
Rules more relaxed in the suburbs: “You're not classy if you're next to a fucking Sunoco.” —Kevin (55:31)
“A cooler of Yuengling is a tough look.” —Foley (55:59)

f. Philly Pretzel Family Tradition (62:14–64:17)

Joy of eating “never-ending” Philly soft pretzels.
“There’s something about reaching in a big brown bag with like 10 pretzels and just ripping off half…” —Kevin (63:52)

6. Travel Arguments & Friendship “Divorce Court” (22:44–32:33)

Extended back-and-forth about fighting on a flight from New Orleans: who gets the aisle, who pees most, who grabs whose phone.
“I must have peed, I'm not even joking, about nine times from New Orleans to here.” —Kevin (27:16)
Foley: “I've picked up a bad habit of looking over his shoulder while he's on his phone lately. He gets very upset.” (28:01)
Producer Lucas poking fun: “Those bear claws will surprise you sometimes.” (31:54)

7. Miscellaneous Garbage Behaviors

Saluting cops while drunk, being “undercover,” and trashy funeral planning.
Adult wrestling fandom: “My dad would just be shocked at the adults that were into it.” —Kevin (61:47)
Buying bootleg merch, after-show pretzels: “We were always big bootleg merch guys in the parking lot.” —Kevin (63:01)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On VIP Meet & Greets:
“We never charge for a meet and greet. We never have. We never will.”
—Kevin (04:43)
On Toothbrush Hygiene:
“Your wet toothbrush... you can see pubes... On the corner, a couple of short curly.”
—Kevin (11:13)
On Personal Bankruptcy:
“That’s two steps to living like a dirt bag. You finance. Your face throw.”
—Foley (20:22)
Travel Fights:
“I must have peed, I'm not even joking, about nine times from New Orleans to here.”
—Kevin (27:16)
Dad at Dunkin':
“You fired your dad? That's great. What do you mean? He left them high and dry!”
—Kevin (35:35)
BYOB Reality:
“They want you bringing a bottle of wine. What they get is me rolling in with a six pack of Schlitz.”
—Kevin (55:17)
On office misery:
“Everybody looked like they were in divorce court.”
—Kevin (41:44)
Philly Pretzel Rapture:
“There’s something about reaching in a big brown bag with like 10 pretzels and just ripping off half…”
—Kevin (63:52)

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Topic/Quote | Timestamp | |-------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Philly Show Announcement | “We never charge for a meet and greet.” | 04:43 | | Foley’s Toothbrush Roast | “Your wet toothbrush... you can see pubes...” | 11:13 | | Family Episode/Patreon Army | Organizing 15K listeners to invade a buffet | 02:10 | | Funeral Song Fiasco | “That guy was definitely buried in a stripped-down casket...” | 52:32 | | Flight Fight Story | “I must have peed nine times from New Orleans to here.” | 27:16 | | Dad at Dunkin’ | “You fired your dad? ...He left them high and dry!” | 35:35 | | BYOB Suburban Logic | “You're not classy if you're next to a fucking Sunoco.” | 55:31 | | Philly Pretzel Tradition | “Reaching in a big brown bag with 10 pretzels...” | 63:52 |

Takeaways

Relatable Tales: The boys’ filthy confessions (e.g., bathroom habits, awkward office jobs, cheap travel ways) are what unite their fanbase in laughter and cringe.
Self-Awareness: Foley and Kevin never dodge the fact they're a little bit “garbage”—instead, they revel in it.
Signature Tone: Brash, loving, and always down to roast each other.
Useful for New Listeners: Even if you’ve never heard the show, you’ll quickly learn they celebrate “trashy” quirks as proof that everyone’s a little garbage, and that’s perfectly fine.

For more garbage content and a shot at those Philly VIP tickets, check their socials and episode description!