Divorce Court w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: Divorce Court w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: November 20, 2025

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Episode Overview

This raucous “family episode” of Are You Garbage? features hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan (with producer Lucas) sans guest, digging into their personal lives and signature trashy behaviors. It’s a rapid-fire, hilarious take on everything from communal bathroom hygiene and travel habits to money mishaps, weird office jobs, funerals, BYOB faux pas, and the glory of Philly pretzels—all with their signature Philly blue-collar warmth and mutual ribbing.

The central purpose: Reveal and relive the subtle (and not-so-subtle) “garbage”/trashy behaviors that unite them and their audience, with stories, listener submissions, and endless digressions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Philly Show Announcement & VIP Giveaway (00:00–07:27)

• Excitement about their biggest show ever in Philly (Dec 13 at The Met).
• The boys emphasize staying close to their fanbase: “We never charge for a meet and greet. We never have. We never will.” —Kevin (04:43)
• Explanation of how fans can win free VIP meet & greets by buying tickets and entering via a link (05:35).

2. Classic ARUG Banter & “Family” Episode Vibes (03:50–04:38)

• Just the “bozos and homies” for this special, no-guest holiday episode.
• Playful roasting about whose head is bigger, travel disasters, and “organizing 15,000 Patreon members like a military coup.”
• “I could do some damage with that. They're all gonna listen, right? An Old Country Buffet, maybe.” —Foley (02:10)

3. Communal Bathroom Roast: Foley’s Toothbrush Hygiene (08:03–15:15)

• Kevin shames Foley for leaving his wet toothbrush out in the (communal) sink near “pubes” and “a rust ring.”
• “Your wet toothbrush... you can see pubes... On the corner, a couple of short curly. Right there in the bottom.” —Kevin (11:13)
• Foley defends himself: “That doesn't rattle me at all.” (11:57)
• Lucas compliments Foley for “taking good care” of the bathroom…sort of.
• Spirals into trash talk about cheap toothbrushes, using old ones for cleaning the grill, and parents’ nasty habits.

4. Army of “Garbage” & Patreon Talk (15:15–16:20)

• Jokingly organizes listeners “into regiments” for a military-style takeover.
• “The first 2,000 guys tie my shoes. Second 2,000 to redo the bathroom.” —Foley (15:34)

5. Listener Questions—Personal “Garbage” Stories (19:08–58:26)

a. Financing Mattresses & Pillow Flexing (19:08–21:10)

• Is it garbage to finance a Tempur-Pedic mattress, then brag about your $300 pillow at a camping trip?
• “That's two steps to living like a dirt bag. You finance. Your face throw.” —Foley (20:22)

b. AMEX Points Bragging (22:18–33:18)

• Kevin enjoys stockpiling points; Foley’s clueless about where his go.
• “Are points and miles the same thing?” —Foley (23:04)
• Hilarious boomer-energy confusion about how points can even pay bills.

c. High/Low Office Job Memories (34:49–43:53)

• Firing your own dad at Dunkin’ Donuts after he no-shows? “You fired your dad? That's great. What do you mean? He left them high and dry!” —Kevin (35:35)
• Nostalgic stories about working jammed-up workplaces: “Everybody looked like they were in divorce court.” —Kevin (41:44)

d. Funeral Song Fails (51:38–53:14)

• Playing funeral music from a pickup 100 yards away, then restarting it with an iPhone—bonus points for an AI-generated tribute.
• “That guy was definitely buried in a stripped-down casket, like made out of IKEA board.” —Foley (52:32)

e. BYOB Blunders (54:36–59:29)

• Pressure to bring wine to Philly BYOBs; Foley and Kevin admit to toting coolers of beer instead—and Drew scorn.
• “They want you bringing a bottle of wine. What they get is me rolling in with a six pack of Schlitz.” —Kevin (55:17)
• Rules more relaxed in the suburbs: “You're not classy if you're next to a fucking Sunoco.” —Kevin (55:31)
• “A cooler of Yuengling is a tough look.” —Foley (55:59)

f. Philly Pretzel Family Tradition (62:14–64:17)

• Joy of eating “never-ending” Philly soft pretzels.
• “There’s something about reaching in a big brown bag with like 10 pretzels and just ripping off half…” —Kevin (63:52)

6. Travel Arguments & Friendship “Divorce Court” (22:44–32:33)

• Extended back-and-forth about fighting on a flight from New Orleans: who gets the aisle, who pees most, who grabs whose phone.
• “I must have peed, I'm not even joking, about nine times from New Orleans to here.” —Kevin (27:16)
• Foley: “I've picked up a bad habit of looking over his shoulder while he's on his phone lately. He gets very upset.” (28:01)
• Producer Lucas poking fun: “Those bear claws will surprise you sometimes.” (31:54)

7. Miscellaneous Garbage Behaviors

• Saluting cops while drunk, being “undercover,” and trashy funeral planning.
• Adult wrestling fandom: “My dad would just be shocked at the adults that were into it.” —Kevin (61:47)
• Buying bootleg merch, after-show pretzels: “We were always big bootleg merch guys in the parking lot.” —Kevin (63:01)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On VIP Meet & Greets:
  “We never charge for a meet and greet. We never have. We never will.”
  —Kevin (04:43)

• On Toothbrush Hygiene:
  “Your wet toothbrush... you can see pubes... On the corner, a couple of short curly.”
  —Kevin (11:13)

• On Personal Bankruptcy:
  “That’s two steps to living like a dirt bag. You finance. Your face throw.”
  —Foley (20:22)

• Travel Fights:
  “I must have peed, I'm not even joking, about nine times from New Orleans to here.”
  —Kevin (27:16)

• Dad at Dunkin':
  “You fired your dad? That's great. What do you mean? He left them high and dry!”
  —Kevin (35:35)

• BYOB Reality:
  “They want you bringing a bottle of wine. What they get is me rolling in with a six pack of Schlitz.”
  —Kevin (55:17)

• On office misery:
  “Everybody looked like they were in divorce court.”
  —Kevin (41:44)

• Philly Pretzel Rapture:
  “There’s something about reaching in a big brown bag with like 10 pretzels and just ripping off half…”
  —Kevin (63:52)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Segment | Topic/Quote | Timestamp | |-------------------------------|---------------------------------------------------------------|-----------| | Philly Show Announcement | “We never charge for a meet and greet.” | 04:43 | | Foley’s Toothbrush Roast | “Your wet toothbrush... you can see pubes...” | 11:13 | | Family Episode/Patreon Army | Organizing 15K listeners to invade a buffet | 02:10 | | Funeral Song Fiasco | “That guy was definitely buried in a stripped-down casket...” | 52:32 | | Flight Fight Story | “I must have peed nine times from New Orleans to here.” | 27:16 | | Dad at Dunkin’ | “You fired your dad? ...He left them high and dry!” | 35:35 | | BYOB Suburban Logic | “You're not classy if you're next to a fucking Sunoco.” | 55:31 | | Philly Pretzel Tradition | “Reaching in a big brown bag with 10 pretzels...” | 63:52 |

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Takeaways

• Relatable Tales: The boys’ filthy confessions (e.g., bathroom habits, awkward office jobs, cheap travel ways) are what unite their fanbase in laughter and cringe.
• Self-Awareness: Foley and Kevin never dodge the fact they're a little bit “garbage”—instead, they revel in it.
• Signature Tone: Brash, loving, and always down to roast each other.
• Useful for New Listeners: Even if you’ve never heard the show, you’ll quickly learn they celebrate “trashy” quirks as proof that everyone’s a little garbage, and that’s perfectly fine.

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For more garbage content and a shot at those Philly VIP tickets, check their socials and episode description!

Transcript

[A]

Philadelphia and the surrounding areas. I'm talking about Lansdale, Whippain, Kountohocken. The boys are coming back to Philly for the biggest show they've ever done. December 13th at the Met.

[B]

I'm talking to you, Langhorne, Larry Pendell, Pete Bristol, Bob, get your [e-mail] Talking.

[A]

About Moralton, New Jersey. We're talking about Plymouth White Marsh. We're talking about you snobs out there on the main line. Grab the squad and come out and see the boys.

[B]

Dirtbags in Levittown. I'm talking Upper Makefield, Bristol. I'm talking Shellfont. The rednecks up there by Scranton. Get your tickets. The boys are hanging.

[A]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast, this is R U Garbage.

[B]

Oh yeah, it's our little show.

[A]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that have to grow up to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash.

[B]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's in the garage doing a little free weights, okay.

[B]

Pumping some iron, throwing a steel around.

[A]

Getting ready for the holiday season. Listen to a little dmx. You know how she likes to do it. Getting her bark on as they say.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Mike Koz is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it, especially around the holiday season. Give it up for my good pal kj Kevin James Ryan everybody.

[B]

Hey, what up gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on. On on Spotify as well. Then obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com Are you garbage? You go over there, you join the over 15,000 members. The whole over 15,000 homies. That's enough to take over a small country if we ever needed to, you.

[A]

Know what I mean?

[B]

15,000 we ever started. That's boots on the ground, right?

[A]

I can organize that.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I could do some damage with that. They're all gonna listen, right?

[B]

An old country buffet, maybe get in.

[A]

There kind of weapons. Are we talking about Kalashnikovs?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Some radios. What about air support? What do I got coming in on me?

[B]

Bringing some stuff. Coming on you, I presume, at this point.

[A]

Some choppers.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Fixed wing aircraft.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Huh. Napalm. Yeah. Element of surprise.

[B]

Let's make sure all that stuff has seatbelt extenders, too, while we're at it. Real tough guy. Excuse me. You have a click click. That's what he does.

[A]

I'd fly around in the chapel.

[B]

That's what he does.

[A]

And you see that.

[B]

Excuse me. Can I do a. Can I do a little. You don't even have the courage to say it. Say it with your chest next time. Hey, seatbelt extender 1B. Hit me. You do I clicky click. I do a clicky click. Dude. The other day, the girl was doing, like, the thing, like, she was given the instruction with it, and he goes, can I get that when you're done? Like. Like you were asking for kills on his Sig.

[A]

She said, no. I got to get you another one.

[B]

I got to get you another one.

[A]

I can't get the floor model.

[B]

Very dirt bag.

[A]

Well, she forgot.

[B]

I know. Sometimes I think you also don't care. You're like, yeah, let's just roll.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Nice. If she comes back, she comes back. If she don't, she. If she don't, she don't.

[A]

100%. I worry about you, though, because I would kill you.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

If it was bad turbulence, I'd bang my head into you, probably shatter the plane. That noggin you got.

[B]

You have a bigger head than I do. Your head is significantly bigger than mine. You do our hat sizes. You've always been like. You're like. You're like an eight and a half. Yeah, it's got, like, a cinder block head.

[C]

Bulldog.

[B]

You got a lot of mess around here. That's a big old head you got on. Oh, that's neither here nor there. We got a few. A few. A little bit. A little bit of housekeeping we got to do here before we get off.

[A]

And running is about how good my hair looks today.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Weight loss.

[B]

Yeah, all that. All that stuff. There's new merchandise on sale right now. Get it while it's hot. Another merch drop. Go get your tea. And then also, too, as you know, we got our big Philly show coming.

[A]

Up December 13th at the Metropolitan Theater in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Biggest show we've ever done, right, Kippy?

[B]

Biggest show we ever done. And as you know, if you've been to previous shows, you know, 95% of the time, we Do a meet and greet when we can. When the venue allows.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Unfortunately, I was. We were talking to the people down there. I said, hey, you got to figure out a meet and greet.

[A]

Playing hardball.

[B]

1. We never charge for a meet and greet. We never have. We never will.

[A]

Never will.

[B]

Never will. None of that. That's. That's just not. That's not our cup of tea. We're boys.

[A]

Are you garbage? Never will.

[B]

Are you garbage? Never will. Oh, H5.

[A]

I got guys waiting outside right now.

[B]

I just picture you. You know those wrestling conventions. There's going to be like, podcasting conventions from the big podcast.

[A]

Boom.

[B]

You're over there, you're signing. You're signing some book that someone else wrote. I'm Henry on Henry. But so we want to do something. Being that it's a special. You know, the Philly shows are always special to us. And a lot of the homies in bozos know. Right. Start hitting you up. Hey, we know it's a big venue. Is there going to be a meet and greet? Unfortunately, they're not going to be able to accommodate it. It's just too many people. It's a big show. Too many people. But we are going to do something. We want to do something special.

[A]

Hit them.

[B]

So we are going to be giving away some VIP meet and greet packages for free. For free? Yeah. That's giving away, all right. Yeah, we're giving away for the easy price. A 9.99. No. So we're going to be giving them away. Unfortunately, we tried working with the venue to do that and then Ticketmaster, Live Nation, whatever. We said, can we get a list of people who bought tickets already? And they said, no, you cannot. So we have to do it ourselves. So if you buy a ticket between now and December 1st, you will be. There's a link. You can click the link, you put your name, your email address, and your ticket or order confirmation number will be entered into the pool to be to win.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

We're going to select them. I don't know how many we're going to do. We're going to a bunch, as many as we can.

[A]

I'm assuming family and friends aren't eligible.

[B]

Our family and friends?

[A]

Yeah. I don't know. My mom wanted to come back and say hi.

[B]

Your mom can come back and say hi. Okay, 20 bucks. Give me a 20 or something like that.

[A]

Oh, she'll get her way in.

[B]

So there's a link in the description of this episode. Click that link. If you've bought tickets to Philly and if you buy them, between now and December 1st, you will be entered into win. And we will email you and you get to come backstage. The boys. We're doing some merch giveaways.

[A]

Oh yeah.

[B]

Some of the. Some of the merch, some of the tour merch, that kind of stuff. We're still figuring it all out. But we appreciate the. The. The army garbage. And we want to make it. We wanted to make it special.

[A]

I love this.

[B]

That's what we're doing. So between now and December 1st, you'll be entered to win. Come backstage with the boys. You get to meet Patty. Maybe. Probably. Patty didn't easily be sniffing around.

[A]

I can make that happen.

[B]

What?

[A]

I can if you want. Patty there.

[B]

Set up a kissing booth for Patty. Five bucks is smooch. She's paying. She's paying five bucks to kiss every.

[A]

Doing a little apple bobbing, huh?

[B]

I never got that.

[A]

Me either. That scared the shit out of me. I always thought I was gonna drown.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Big show. December 13th. Come out and see the boys. I love it. That's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All my idea.

[B]

I don't think. I think you learned about it. Just as I was describing it.

[A]

Before we move on, can we take a little cruise by and see the kid?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

There he is.

[C]

Hey, guys.

[A]

Lucas Patoukas.

[B]

Mr. Dempsey. Mr. Dempsey.

[C]

Sort of throw that at you wearing one today.

[A]

You are, huh?

[C]

Just after a long wonderful skank fest. Skank for the memories.

[A]

Boys did a lot of drinking.

[B]

You takes it out of you.

[C]

We get some pops. Good time.

[B]

Me and Lucas were linked up. We were moving as one. The boys were. The boys were locked in.

[A]

Uncle Hank. Clear, clean, focused.

[B]

That's funny. I have a picture here I would like to discuss with you.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

As you.

[A]

Does it have something to do with me? Nipple claims I get some time on that Philly show. What's up?

[B]

As you know.

[A]

What do I know? What do you know?

[B]

I'm describing titles.

[A]

I don't like this.

[B]

We have two bathrooms here.

[C]

He just like shrunk into himself.

[B]

I know he's. We have two bathrooms here. That's just the natural order of things.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

You have taken one and I have taken.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Right. Mom and dad a little. His and hers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Because you and moan if I. If I use the same turret.

[B]

As you know. He's getting so defense. Not me. Everybody does it.

[A]

Not anymore.

[B]

Okay. Why are you screaming at me? Not everybody likes using your facilities. A lot of urine, a lot of fecal matter. A clogged toilet here and there, raw sewage smell floating around. And, you know, from time to time, we have to take care of ourselves and brush our teeth. We do our hair if we got to. We record, we got spots, we feel fresh, whatever, you know what I mean?

[A]

What I want to know is, how high is this water gonna be? I popped in a sandbag operation you got going on here. Everybody's involved.

[B]

I. I haven't been in that room in maybe a year, right? Maybe a year.

[A]

You should step in there. It's nice.

[B]

I did. I needed a little product for the hair. I was doing spot. I run out. I was doing spot. Needed. Need to judge up a bit.

[A]

Yeah. Use my.

[B]

You. That's my. First of all. You've stolen my hairspray and put it in there. Just. Hey, gang, if you. If. If you win the meet and greet affiliate, I'll give you half a can of hairspray from H. Foley's bathroom.

[A]

Which possession. Possession is nine tenths of the law, which got me in this hot water in the first place. Nothing on that. What?

[B]

I just haven't been in there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And me and you operate a little differently when it comes to.

[A]

I think I know where this is going.

[B]

Hygiene. Ger.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Stuff. Just, you know, just where I'm going with this.

[A]

I have a feeling I picked up.

[B]

Let's just roll the tape. Just. Just hit him with it. This was shocking to me that you are just punch in on that. You are raw. Dogging your toothbrush on a communal sink with these. That is. I, I.

[A]

First of all, it's not communal. It's a private bathroom.

[B]

No, that's communal. Which.

[A]

I have a kid.

[B]

There's five of us in here a day. That's.

[A]

I know. Luke just went in there and did his business, dude.

[B]

Like a little.

[A]

Little cockapoo dude.

[B]

You're just.

[A]

As a little wee.

[B]

Wee bag for the audio listener. Foley's. It was wet. Your wet toothbrush.

[A]

Why was it wet?

[B]

I am. I don't know.

[A]

Today.

[B]

Somebody comes, someone breaks in and brushes their teeth. No, this was the other day. Everybody had left.

[A]

It was just me because I had brushed my teeth.

[B]

You had brushed your teeth, and then you just leave your toothbrush on this? Dude, if you punch in, you can see pubes. Yes, punch it, punch it, punch it. On the corner, there's a couple of short curly. Right there. No, go under. Go under about an inch under the thing.

[A]

Oh, I understand.

[B]

Right there in the bottom, there's a. Yeah, your curly Q's right there. Okay, that doesn't buy. I mean, first of all, it's on a rust ring. It's on a wet. That is rust. That ain't good for that.

[A]

I run it under cold water.

[B]

You have to get a tetanus shot. Dude, that's. That is. Dude, there's, like, black mold up in the corner.

[A]

That's good for you. That's all good for you.

[B]

Okay. That doesn't rattle you at all?

[A]

No, doesn't rattle me at all.

[B]

Okay, well, that. You know, that's good for you.

[A]

Mm.

[C]

Which I ha. I do have to say, this is the worst condition it's been in a month.

[A]

You've been.

[C]

You have been taking good care of your bathroom facility.

[A]

As you think it's bad.

[C]

Nat, right now, from this picture, I.

[A]

No, that's just close up.

[B]

What do you mean? It's not cgi.

[A]

That's just close up.

[C]

I'm giving you a compliment. You have been taking good care of your.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Recently.

[A]

I just redid all that.

[C]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Redid. Wait, what do you mean, redid all what? Put added more pubes. What do you mean you redid all that? You act like you went in and demoed it. I read it all That.

[A]

I just. I just wiped it all down with the Clorox wipes a couple weeks ago.

[B]

Your verb. That's why I respect your verbiage. I redid all that. When. Yeah, when you really hold them to the fire, he goes, I wiped it down with a Clorox wipe a couple of weeks ago.

[A]

That's all fresh.

[B]

That ain't. That ain't. That's the farthest from fresh cleaning it.

[A]

You rinse that off with a little hot water, you're fine.

[B]

You said cold water.

[A]

Depends if you don't want it to shrink or not.

[B]

You gotta freeze out these germs, Daddy. Okay. I was just.

[A]

My other toothbrush used to clean the grill. My other tooth.

[B]

What do you mean, your other toothbrush?

[A]

That's not my only toothbrush. I have a toothbrush at my home.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And then I have a toothbrush in my butthole that I use for the road.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Which is one of those ones you stick in there.

[B]

Oh, I don't like them. That creates a rainforest. A goopy goopy.

[A]

Well, you know what sucks is I have this thing where I have to. I have to. When I brush my teeth. I've told you this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have to scrub my tongue and I have to gag myself in order to feel like I accomplished brushing my teeth. And I'm always Scared that when I use that, it's going to come loose and go down my throat and I'm a joke in the bathroom of a seedy hotel that you have me in.

[B]

We do stay at some.

[A]

Bad joint, sure.

[B]

Not just not nice.

[A]

What the place you stay in Atlanta. I slept like a baby in there, though. Was that a Hampton Inn? It was very nice.

[B]

Nah, you can always tell by the tub. If the tub. If they've like crudely caulked over cracks in the middle of the tub. You know what I mean? You're like this. This joint ain't great. If you go in there and it looks like someone took a hammer to it and then spread a little spackle on it, it ain't. That's my dead giveaway. Is the. Is the. Is the tub ski?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Show you.

[A]

I had to change the toothbrush, the travel one, because it was. It was yellow. I don't know why. The brick.

[B]

I don't know what my dad used to do or how often he used to change it or just the level of a. The little. Of the level of. Of anger and anxiety he would brush.

[A]

It was wild, dude.

[B]

But the bristles, I feel like that. It looks like someone stuck a stick of dynamite in there, dude. They were like off to the side, flipped back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wanted to be like, dude, try a cup of decaf.

[A]

I don't think anybody lives like that now.

[B]

Well, I thought. I mean, I'm sure there's some.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Send in some toothbrushes. Let's take a look at the bozos and the homie. Send it. Big tooth press contest. All right.

[B]

All that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands, as you know. When you join the old Patreon fucking. When you join the. The army of garbage over there to 15,000 boots on the ground. 15K the boy.

[A]

Break that up into regiments is what I would do. Have a couple of special crack commando teams that would go in first.

[B]

The first 2,000 guys tie my shoes. The second organizer, the second 2,000 to redo the bathroom.

[A]

I've been watching a lot of things in YouTube about history and Alexander the Great and stuff like that. Bay of Pigs. I can organize a little crew for that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Two by two formation, you know, I'm talking about. Send Diesel and Ryan D in there early, scope at the situation, see what the talk is. Maybe they'll send me down to Venezuela. I don't know.

[B]

Little R and R, you know, catch you on a beach, fucking pina colada. Zinc on the nose.

[A]

You guys are coming next week?

[B]

I gotta acclimate the time difference. Can't be going in, they can't be overthrowing governments. All fucking zonked out, jet lagged.

[A]

You got chardies of rapist down here.

[B]

I need to get my bearings. You know anywhere I can get a travel to.

[A]

They got me picked up in two seconds. Guys gotta hampton in around here and dragging me off.

[B]

Succulent Meal. Succulent Chinese meal. Is that what that is? Do you know? You don't know that?

[A]

Just passed away.

[B]

No shit. Yeah, I felt that'd be very in Luke's Internet. He was a bank robber.

[A]

No, he wasn't.

[B]

Yeah, I believe he was.

[A]

Oh, he wasn't a bank robber. Okay, guy enjoying a nice Chinese dinner camp. Let's talk about Quo.

[B]

Let's talk about quo.

[A]

Formerly Open Phone.

[B]

Formerly Open Phone.

[A]

I mean, let's talk about something every business owner knows too well. Missed calls. We're talking about missed calls, baby. Will jam you up. Because missing a call, a business call, is like watching money fly right out the window. So do yourself a favor. Get over there and get Quo, Formerly Open Phone. Because it's a smarter way to run your business.

[B]

Communication. Yeah, listen. Missing calls is missing cash. And we ain't in that business.

[A]

No, we're not.

[B]

Quo is the number one closing deals. Quo is the number one business phone system built for 2025, not 1995 like those other bozos out there. Your whole team can share one number, collaborate on calls and texts with a shared inbox. Faster responses, happier customers. They're taking care of you, baby. Quo is offering our listeners 20% off your first six [e-mail] garbage. I am a. Listen. I was one of those bozos. We needed another business line. I didn't know what to do. I went out and got another cell phone. Now I am a guy carrying two cell phones. I'm fumbling and I'm dropping calls. I'm dropping cash. How you doing? Quo's got us straightened out. Save this quo q u o.com garbage. You can even skip the. You even keep your existing number for free. Quo. No missed calls, no missed customers. Do it, Kevin.

[A]

Talk about hexclad.

[B]

I cooked scrambies on a hexclad just this very morning, my friend.

[A]

Yeah, you did, gang. We're talking about top of the line hexclad. Do yourself a favor. Get over there and get the best pans you're ever gonna use. Hexclad six piece set is the perfect start bundle for any kitchen. It includes three of the most popular pans with matching lids, giving you everything you need to handle daily cooking with ease. And from breakfast to dinner, these pants deliver pro level performance, effortless cleanup and durability that lasts a lifetime.

[B]

Yeah. Hexclad pants. Truly check every single box when it comes to picking your cookware. I listen. I bought a whole set of hexclad. No promo. They weren't a sponsor. They then came on. That's how much I love Hexclad. I got my hands on them. I mean you can't get super glue to stick to these things. That's how your omelets flipping, bacon tossing. That's the only two things I cook. Eggs and bacon. And they do a great job. So if you're good at cooking.

[A]

Man's got a bad heart.

[B]

So if you're. If you're good at cooking, imagine what you can do with them. See, come over. See the fluffins, the fluffy scrambies. I'm cooking for a limited time. Hexclad is having a massive Black Friday sale. Head to Hexclad H e x c l-a d.com to get up to 52% off Hachi Machi. That's by far the biggest discount they've given all year. That's hexclad.com up to 52% off. After you purchase, they're going to ask you how you heard about them. Tell them the boys send you. Are you garbage doing that back to the show. All right, listen, let's friggin get into it. This one's from Brandon. $10 pump and dump. Never have one read. Are you garbage? If you finance a tempur Pedic mattress and pillow at the Labor Day sale, then bring that pillow with you on your son's camping trip and tell all the other dads around the campfire slept great. Got a $300 pillow in that tent with me. That's. If you're not doing that, you are not trying, dude. That's what you do. That's how you live. You finance, then you face throw. There's two steps to living like a dirt bag. You finance. Your face.

[A]

Your face.

[B]

That's what it is.

[A]

I built. My whole existence is based on that.

[B]

That's all right.

[C]

You got some other dad complaining to his wife. I don't got a $300 pillow. Slept like shit.

[B]

Yeah, also too, you know, like the other dad circled up around the coffee pile. Fucking Gary had to mention his three. It was probably not 300 either. It was probably 199.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Over 200 with tax. And then you get to throw it in the face at the 300.

[A]

You always throw a couple hundred. Oh yeah, Yeah. I mean $500 pillow.

[B]

I mean we famously caught you doing that for the necklace you wrote for or the necklace you bought for Patty.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

What?

[A]

The $7,000 necklace I bought for.

[B]

Then we. I somehow found the receipt or whatever. It was like 499.

[A]

You couple of regular Hardy Boys. You two looking at my toothbrush?

[B]

You're regular farty boy, ain't it?

[A]

Ain't that. You know what's going on my Instagram account. I don't like that.

[B]

Listen. You put the company card down for things that may or may not be not. You know these are seedy websites apparently because.

[A]

No.

[B]

I'm getting texts from Amex going does you approve this H Foley charge from. From jugs.net say yeses.

[A]

It's me.

[B]

Say yes. I'm about to come. Say yes. Freak a leak.

[A]

It's from my meta.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I don't know why it's $185. I just wanted to badge. It was busting my chop saying why aren't you verified? Why don't you verify? They don't do that shit no more. Now it's just pay to play. It's all payola.

[B]

Like the 80s finance face throw.

[A]

I should finance that.

[B]

You are.

[A]

What do you mean I ain't paying? I'm not paying no monthly fee.

[B]

What?

[A]

What about celebrities? Don't they still get whatever? They don't gotta pay for it.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Zuckerberg. Hit me up soon. A movie in a couple of months.

[B]

Here? Sure. All right. Let's see. This isn't the same world. This is from Alex. Ten dollar homie. Never have one read. Is it garbage for a brag about how. How many AmEx points you have spent? I'm a big. I don't. I do like lumping them up. I got a lot. I haven't used them in probably two years.

[A]

I wouldn't know where to find them.

[B]

Them?

[A]

What do you mean I wouldn't know where to find them?

[B]

You have a personal AMEX card, right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Why are you yelling at me?

[A]

I don't know. I can't find my points.

[B]

It's all this. If I had my points. You are.

[A]

Are points and miles the same thing?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I'm getting miles when we fly Delta. Yeah right.

[B]

Which go where you tell Me. That's what I would like to know about it.

[A]

Who goes that?

[B]

Who goes that?

[A]

Do we get that? A company get that?

[B]

You get the personal?

[A]

I get the personal?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You get from. You personally get from miles flown.

[A]

You do me, Hank Foley, allegedly. You ever think that me getting miles.

[B]

Hey, you got a clicky?

[A]

I don't need to broadcast my fucking business to people.

[B]

That's literally our job. What are you talking. We love.

[A]

No, I'm saying on a plane. And they always give you the. I'll get you.

[B]

Remember, they took. Guy got on the plane yesterday. Some kid got. We were in the front row. Some kid got on a guy. Whatever. I mean, 45 years old, probably. We're yelling at each other.

[A]

We're in the middle of an active argument, and he goes, I grabbed his phone.

[B]

No such a. No. I got. No, dude, my phone is in my hand.

[A]

This is what happened. This is what happened. This is what happened.

[C]

I want to hear his version first.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

So there I am.

[B]

Well, I do declare. So here I am with my $300 seatbelt extended. Okay, let's, let's, let's.

[A]

I just had a lovely meal in the New Orleans airport and had my shoes buffed and shined when there's ragamuffin sitting next to me. So here's the deal. So, dickhead, He gets on. He goes on first, right? Guy gotta be first. Guy who's gotta be first. This guy.

[B]

You're just slow.

[A]

And you know what? Some nice. Some nice rich lady. Hot bra, too.

[B]

Just me. Hot broad.

[A]

Auto move. You would have loved her.

[B]

So slow.

[A]

She comes into the line and I go, go right ahead. She's like, we're all going to the same place anyway, right? And I'm like, well, yes, we are. We are.

[B]

Now, if you mean the toilet, I had a big. I had a bad batch of etouffee last night.

[A]

I had a bad Cajun chicken pasta last night down on Front Street. I don't know where I was, but. Shout out to New Orleans. I love it. Sure, Very nice. Had an ice cream cone.

[B]

Are you gonna tell the story?

[A]

That's the problem with you Yankees, always in a rush. In due time, my ugly friend. In due time.

[B]

The boys are back. Tell your side of the story.

[A]

I'll tell my side of the story.

[B]

All right, do it then.

[A]

Here's what happened. All right? First of all, I picked this nice spot to go to to go to breakfast at the airport. Lia's shout out to Leah's down there at the New Orleans Airport. This fucking guy comes in, I want to go to the Ye Olde Irish Pym. So we hump down there. I'm eating fucking scrambled eggs off of fucking paper plate.

[B]

One of the best airport breakfasts we've ever had. You know, I, we know. None of. We, we sat down, we were fucking furious with Luke. I go, Luke goes hand up. I fucked up. We shouldn't, we shouldn't be here. That all American breakfast they threw out was fucking kick your wiener in. Well, no, we're against each other right now.

[A]

Okay, fine.

[C]

Well, change your tune. When the Tater tots came out.

[A]

Yeah, I tried to have your grits. I like, I like a Southern grit.

[B]

Anyway, I tried. Everybody was done eating. You opened up a fork from a plastic utensil bag and started eating his grits. Wow.

[A]

You're like, just like a little robot fucking memory, aren't you? You know everything, my toothbrush, my credit card indiscretions, what, what kind of silverware I'm using. Man, you love me.

[B]

You're obsessed.

[A]

You're obsessed with me.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

He gets on the plane first.

[B]

Why you say it like that? Like that's a bit first. This fucking God. He's trying to ring out any, any.

[A]

But as you know, because he has a fragile bladder, he has to sit in the aisle because he has to get up and pee 50 times a trip.

[B]

I must have peed, I'm not even joking about nine times from New Orleans to here.

[A]

I get in that, I get in that, that saddle over there. Luke, I'm against the window. You don't even know I'm there.

[B]

It's like the videos he likes to watch. Stuck. You don't even got his hand in the dishwasher.

[A]

You don't even know I'm there. Although I have picked up a bad.

[B]

Habit of everyone knows you're there.

[C]

Because of your celebrity.

[B]

Thank you. Because you're celebrity.

[A]

Is that who I think it is? Well, it ain't you, my friend. Anyway, sorry. We've been doing a New Orleans accent all weekend. Can't stop. I get in there. Okay, first of all, I will admit this. I have a bad habit of looking over his shoulder while he's on his phone lately. I don't know why, I just been doing it a lot. He gets very upset.

[B]

Who's that? Like a picture of my son and like me sending hearts back to my wife. And he's like, who's that? That's what? That's the hand I get dealt. This guy sitting next to you taking up all the arm space. Happy to do it. You're my best pal in the whole wide world. But then he reads your text. Who that? Who the hell you're really, really doing? The Cajun guy.

[A]

Who?

[B]

Dad.

[A]

So I hand him my bottle of work because I'm drinking a lot of water lately. I'm on a Z. I got to get it out of it somehow.

[B]

You being awesome. That's what I'm doing. I'm over here just being awesome. This guy's texting his wife, being an asshole. Yeah.

[A]

I handed my bottle of water to slide in. Doesn't even get up like a gentleman.

[B]

No, because you started coming in. Once that inertia starts, I got. I gotta run for the hills.

[A]

And then when I get in there, I reach over to. And I just might just have, like, you know, a brain lapse. And I go to grab his phone.

[B]

No.

[A]

Instead of. Instead of the bottle of water, he's like, get the hell off of my phone. Like I'm some stranger on the street. Like I never meant anything to him. Like, we're not best friends, okay? So then he's like, that's all. Then I yell at him for yelling at me. Hold on. I'm trying to believe I'm still doing this. So I'm yelling at him, he's yelling at me, and he's like, you're not gonna apologize? Apologize. I'm not gonna fuck apologize. And all of a sudden, they hear somebody go, oh, hey, Foley. How are you? Big fan. I go, hey, buddy. Good to see you. And then I made a funny joke. It's funny. We were just, like, literally about to have a fight, and then somebody nice comes and recognizes me. That's how I remember it.

[B]

Yeah, that's how I remember.

[A]

And then I had some of my.

[B]

And then you stopped. 9 11.

[A]

I would have got up 5 those 15k. Also then I had some of my nerds clusters, and I fell asleep before we pushed bed.

[B]

It was. You know how, like, you buy snacks and you sa them for the flight dude, we had pushed back like, I'm not even joking. Two inches. And I look over. He is tearing open a box and.

[A]

Dirt clusters, the little bangers.

[C]

You definitely finish all your snacks before the previews end, right?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's.

[A]

I have a stomachache, and I don't want to watch the movie.

[B]

You got the cup of cheese, nacho cheese.

[A]

Whirling your fucking 45 minutes of previews, man. We get it. You got the Internet, and they don't need that shit. Just start the fucking movie, dude. You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Now cut to Kevin's version of the story.

[A]

Fine, go ahead. Your lies. Tell your lies.

[B]

Tell your cheap little lies.

[A]

More Timmy timid lies.

[B]

What do you got? Listen, that was pretty close to what happened. I will say you inserted. My phone is in my hand on my knee. Like, it's like this. Like, I'm like, I have my phone.

[A]

I just grabbed the wrong thing. I wasn't thinking.

[B]

But you grabbed my hand, my phone, and my leg all at the same time. And I just went. I went, what are you doing? Like, not even. Not like, what the fuck are you doing? What are you doing? And he goes, it was an accident. And I was like, all right, why are you fucking yelling at me for? He's like, that's what happened. You inserted this wild energy because I think you were. I think you were a little upset that you're gonna have to squeeze in.

[A]

I haven't had my nerds clusters yet. My blood sugar was low.

[B]

Hit me with a. And I go, what are you fucking yelling at me for? That's most of the conversation. I go, why are you yelling at me? Or your winced up face. Your beady little eyes like a chupacabra.

[A]

Eyes burning red in the darkness.

[C]

Those bear. Bear claws will surprise you sometimes.

[A]

What bear claws?

[C]

Your hands. When you. When you'll.

[B]

Yeah, you got. I mean, not to mention the amount of butter and jelly that's on them.

[A]

I'm very clean these days. I wash my hands. I do my nails. I'm using Paul Molive.

[B]

Palmolive.Com gang. All right. But anyway, use your point. Get. Start spending your points.

[A]

Spending my points?

[B]

Yeah. You don't know. Pull up your app. It'll tell you how many points you have.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Okay, negative. I don't want to do that.

[A]

Me. My miles.

[B]

I took a loan for 500. 500,000 miles.

[A]

Why? You could do that?

[B]

No.

[A]

Can I use that against anything you.

[B]

Can use to pay your bill?

[A]

What bill?

[B]

What do you mean, what bill? Why do you.

[A]

Your Amex bill.

[B]

This is why we. This is. Wait, that was 99% of our arguments.

[A]

You can use it to pay your Amex bill.

[B]

Yeah. What, like dollar for $1 miles and $1.

[A]

That'd be awesome. I'd be sitting pretty right now. I didn't know that.

[B]

But like, yeah, I'm getting ready to cancel that. I'm making this up. But like, say it's 100. $100 credit to your bill. Might be like 12,000 miles or something like that.

[A]

$100. $100?

[B]

Well, why would they continue to give you free money? So you think you're just gonna ring up a high build, not be able to pay and then turn around and go, I'll pay that with Miles. Why. Why would anybody do that?

[A]

That'd be pretty sweet, though.

[B]

That's. That's how Foleyville miles work.

[A]

No Foleyville miles. I'm be strict. It's all of all the cash, soccer.

[B]

Pay me my money, Judge, jury.

[A]

Once you get in control, you don't. You know.

[B]

Yeah, that's what Amex is doing.

[A]

Such stiffen people. But until then, they get him.

[B]

Huh? I have 600,000 miles. Really? Yeah. I mean, we have. We probably. The company has probably over a million.

[A]

Once you break them off, dog, I can.

[B]

I can send you miles. Yeah, I think they tax you on them.

[C]

No, that they got to.

[B]

That's something like that.

[A]

What can I do with that? Can I turn that into cash?

[B]

You're jammed up. Are you?

[A]

No. So maybe I have some business opportunities I want to. I want to.

[B]

You can do anything. You get gift. You can go on vacations you can use to pay bills. All right. This one's from David. $10. Beneficiary never have one read. Are you garbage? If you were your dad's boss when you were 20, you were your dad's.

[A]

Boss when you were 20.

[B]

For context, my old man lost his job while I was a manager at no. Where do you think? Yeah, I'll give you three guesses.

[A]

Grocery store?

[B]

No.

[A]

Fast food restaurant. Wendy's? Chipotle.

[B]

No.

[A]

Is it. It's not. It's kind of fast food.

[B]

It's kind of fast food, huh?

[A]

This is the kind of interrogation I enjoy. Now you're not referring to any casual dining facilities?

[B]

No. It's not like an eat in.

[A]

Dunkin Donuts?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Bugs told you the police are back.

[B]

My old man lost his job while I was a manager at Dunkin Donuts and I hired him until he found another job. To make matters worse, I had to fire him three months later because he no called. No showed me. After we got into an argument the night before.

[A]

What a dick.

[B]

You fired your dad? That's great. What do you mean? He fucking left them high and dry, man.

[A]

Those Indian ladies were probably mean as shit. Or maybe they all became friends.

[B]

That's fucking crazy, man. We did that when I worked at a job in Philly after our family business got a little too volatile to step away. I mean, they got a fist fight and I stepped away. I went worked at a really shitty office job like.

[A]

Do I remember this?

[B]

Yeah, it was that Broad and Walnut, was it not? The Wanamaker building, whatever that big building was.

[A]

It was the place that the friend of yours got. Yeah, the one that I always had a thing for. I sure did like to bury your.

[B]

Crawl dad into something.

[A]

It's a good analogy. It ain't no lobster, I'll tell you that.

[B]

A little mud bug.

[A]

Isn't that weird though?

[B]

What? That small dick?

[A]

No, no, I don't have a small dick.

[B]

And we're back.

[A]

Move on. No, that lobsters and crayfish look exactly the same and they're totally different things.

[B]

Yeah, it's crazy, dude.

[A]

Tell me that's not crazy, huh, Luke? You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Kinda.

[A]

What do you mean kind of? They look exactly the same, you idiot. What are you talking about? Hit me with kinda.

[B]

You are something else, dude.

[A]

Cabin. Talking about Lucy.

[B]

Shout out to Lucy gang.

[A]

Talking about Lucy Breakers. Everybody loves them. You love them, we love them. Get them sent right to your door. Discreet packaging. 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. Lucy breakers and nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise inside. Each pouch holds a capsule that can break to open and release. A little extra flavor and a little extra hydration, which is the absolute best. When you're having a nicotine pouch, you want to get a little hydration in it. So set yourself up with a subscription, delivered straight to your door.

[B]

Little kick in the butt, right? Nice little zest, a little bing pow. The good folks over at Lucy's, you know, listen. They send us some packages, they send.

[A]

Us some product, they disappear fairly quickly.

[B]

I mean, Luke, these things get delivered here and it's like the rats come. Everybody wants to get.

[A]

There's just little pieces in a box scattered around like it.

[B]

I got buying my own Lucy just cuz everybody steals the products. It's sent for the host of the show. That's all I'm saying. Not looking at anybody. Luke, level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy Co Garbage and use the promo code garbage to get 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind again, that's Lucy Co. Use the code garbage, you get 20% off. And here comes the fine print gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age and every order is age verified. Warning. This product contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical. Do it camp.

[A]

Let's talk about tushy.

[B]

Shout out to Tushy what are you doing?

[A]

Still wiping yourself like a, like a Neanderthal. Do yourself a favor, go over to Tushy, get yourself straightened out. Talking about butthole stuff, the A slot, the gravy train. We're talking about getting yourself clean. Tushy is the everyday luxury bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits. And bottom health for life. It's a perfect gift to indulge every personality on your list. Tushy's bidet's daily tiche. Luxury.

[B]

That's Tushy is the everyday luxury bidet. Yes, we installed one in here. I walked in the other day, Foley was drinking out of thing, cleaning his shoes in it.

[A]

Cool Chris water, I'll tell you that. I mean, let's be honest, we can't be wiping.

[B]

Gang. It's one of those things before and after. If you've never tried it, listen, give it a shot. It will forever change how you operate. It's a perfect gift to indulge every personality on your list. It's a luxury bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits. And bottom health for life instantly modernizes your daily routine. Your bathroom with a super sleek seat, plus two separate front and rear nozzles, clean you both ways, coming and going for the most complete clean. Remember, a hole is only a naughty word if you wipe for a limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when they use the code garbage at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet [e-mail] with the Premicu garbage. Now let's get back to that friggin show. All right, let's see. Oh, I worked at that and that was a, you can tell, a real dirtbag job because they'll hire anybody because they're going like. It was all like data entry, paperwork, fucking sort and mail. So they were just like get anybody.

[A]

How you did that stuff?

[B]

They were like, well, I started rising to the ranks because I had half a fricking brain, you know what I mean? And dude, I remember this woman showed up wearing. You had a dress kind of, kind of dress up. You had to wear shoes, like a khakis at least. Okay. And like a shirt, no tie. A collared shirt. And tucked in it could be like a polo, like a golf shirt.

[A]

Which always looks like what the, the, the button down shirt with no tie only looks good on certain people. A man of your, you know, stature. Yeah, it don't look good.

[B]

I just saw a picture of.

[A]

Looks like you're drunk, dude.

[B]

I was at my I was on my nephew's godfather. So this was, was 13 years ago. My sister's first.

[A]

The no tie christening.

[B]

I have a T, dude, I'm hung. I am. Dude, it's me. It looks, it looks like a mug shot. I got a candle, I'm walking a candle up the aisle, the candle of life. And I'm like, dude, it looks like one of those.

[A]

Dude, I don't remember having to do that.

[B]

What?

[A]

You got to walk the candle up?

[B]

I don't know. I had a candle, man, that's up. I don't remember.

[A]

Hey, hey, put that down, man.

[B]

I'm lighting the heater off. I'm over by the door. Are you next? Just every dude but at this office everybody just looked like they were in divorce court. Like everybody looked like everybody. Cuz everybody's. Nobody had money. They were paying like Maybe, maybe a 9, 10, $11 an hour. Maybe around then, around that. So it was like this was people's first office job.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

Right? That would they, they would be like a 55 year old lady who worked catering her whole life or was like a waitress or a bartender or something. They were like, oh, we'll just take you and then you know, whatever. So a lot of people were like. Not a lot of people had the business casual clothes.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

I remember this lady showed up in dudes tuxedo pants one day. She had a T shirt and tuxedo pants on. And I was like, I remember being like I gotta get the out of here. And her whole family worked there. Her daughter, her nephew, her. Because that was like a place you get a job, you get everybody a job. Sure. Sitting in cubicles with no computers. That's the kind of place it was.

[A]

What were you doing?

[B]

It was like, it was like you like just sorting mail and paperwork. I had a computer, but these broads didn't. They were just hanging out. No compute. That's you know you're jammed up. That's. You're jammed up. If you're still going analog.

[A]

I've been in a cubicle with no computers before. Yeah, man, I hated that stuff. I would get anxiety just being in an office bad. Plus the air conditioner would start blowing on my neck and I'd feel like.

[B]

I was, I'm getting sick.

[A]

The air conditioner would start blowing on my neck and I would feel like I'm like I'm in a hospital and I was dying.

[B]

So wild how afraid of life you are. I'd be in a bad mood if I was afraid of Everything too.

[A]

Used to freak me out, man.

[B]

Afraid of the goddamn air conditioner. Talk about a love hate relationship.

[A]

It blow right on my neck and I.

[B]

Never mind. I love it.

[A]

It would blow right on my neck and I felt like I was getting a fever. And then I was going to be in a hospital. I'd go outside when it was real hot and have a cigarette.

[B]

Sweet. Dude.

[C]

I see you having, like a purple cardigan on to, like, stay warm in the office.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Debbie's sweater on one that I made myself.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. This one's just funny. This is from Ray Liotta. Have you ever saluted a cop? That's good.

[A]

Just.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you for your service.

[B]

Thank you for your service.

[A]

All the time, huh?

[C]

You're, like, hammered. Leaving a bar, doing that.

[B]

Always telling them, I'm on the job. I'm deep undercover. I was. Dude, I was talking to Potter this week.

[A]

Yeah, Josh Potter, the roach.

[B]

He was like, what? He was like. Somebody was like rolling a joint or something like that or partaking in the. In the greenery of the festivities. I think it was Mr. Sam Talon and Mr. Luke Dempsey had linked up. Super group to smoke a joint together, the Highwayman. Josh Potter was there and he's like. He's like asking Sam, like, what kind of weed that is or something, you know, or something. Sam goes, what are you, a fucking cop? You know, like fucking grilling me on this. Grilling me on the kind bud. And he goes, yeah, I'm undercover. And then he goes, this is such a funny Potter line. He goes, what if I was so deep undercover they forgot about me and now I'm just living down here? That would be such a Potter thing. Can't see nothing. Doesn't know where he's at. Guys, you still there?

[A]

I think there was a movie like that with Lawrence Fishburne.

[B]

Deep cover.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never seen it. I just know the references.

[A]

Like a Laurence Fishburne and, like, in his 30s and 40s.

[B]

Larry.

[A]

Yeah, Larry Fishburne. Like when King of New York. Boys in the hood. No, not King of New York. He was too young then.

[B]

Okay, sorry.

[A]

Boys in the hood. Great.

[B]

All right. This one's from Hunter. $10, homemade. Never have one read. How old were you when you found out that Tonight show wasn't live? That's funny. Funny. That's good. I probably told you, but I used to think the band was playing in the radio station. What? Yeah.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Like, I'd be in the car and you'd turn on Q102.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

You did? I thought, you know, the Red Hot Chili Peppers were in there doing under the bridge.

[A]

Until when?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

12?

[B]

No, no, no. I mean I'm not. No, you know, I don't know.

[A]

10, 10 seat boat extender over here, please.

[B]

I mean, how am I not supposed to think that? I don't know how cassettes work.

[C]

I imagined you and the Lumina doing this.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no.

[A]

I remember when.

[B]

I remember the first time I put it together. I switched stations and like same song was on. Or like how am I teaching, motherfuckers?

[A]

Double dip it.

[B]

Move quick. Must have a chopper or something. Get you over to wmg. Kick real quick. Jumping between YSP and W over there in Bala Kenwood.

[A]

I remember when I. I found out that some DJ set body once told me that DJ sets were pre recorded. They're like, you know, they now. No, back then too.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like they weren't really there at the time. Like they weren't like I'm listening to radio at 4 o' clock on a Friday. They might not actually be there.

[B]

They might have recorded the day before.

[A]

So. Yeah, I didn't like that Carson. I knew that pretty early though, because I was, I was a big late night.

[B]

You're in the industry, a fellow entertainer.

[A]

Yeah, that's a great question.

[B]

That's really fun.

[A]

Some people still don't know that right now as we sit here.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

People think that they record those at 11 o' clock at night, which why.

[B]

But like why wouldn't. I mean like if you'd never thought about it and you were like, the news is live. The good day. America is live. Good morning. Well, all that shit. It's like, why would you not assume they're not in the biz?

[A]

Maybe they should do that.

[B]

Hey, maybe people start tuning in again.

[A]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Fired.

[A]

That wouldn't be that bad of an idea. It would give like a late night energy. You know what I mean? It'd be fun. The tourists.

[B]

Bradley Cooper at midnight.

[A]

No. I wonder if Graham Norton's live.

[B]

No way. All those guys that. No way, that's a lineup.

[A]

Love the Graham Norton Show. So good.

[C]

No, no, not a live broadcast.

[A]

He's the best. Him and what's his name? Sullivan. Jonathan Sullivan. Who am I thinking of? The guy with the long hair. The other British guy. Long hair, longer hair, older guy now Luke.

[B]

Dave Grohl. No, this one's from Buster Cherry. Never have one, Red. My uncle built a tree House in his yard to serve as the guest bedroom of his trailer, which he then turned into a grow room.

[A]

My man, that's crazy. Grow room. Smart.

[B]

You're living a life where you're like, there's not enough room in the trailer. Go sleep in the tree fort. Bugs. I have just probably bugs in that trailer, too.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

That's a tough one. I'm.

[A]

You like caterpillars? They scare you?

[B]

We liked him as a kid. I used to collect them, put them in a promise.

[A]

You talking about the little black ones with orange?

[B]

Red? Yeah, them. Jones, I didn't mind them. I don't mind bugs. I mean, to a creepy, crawly extent, you know what I mean? But, yeah, they were fine. It's. It's fast things I don't like. Something small. Might jar me when I see it, but then I'm like. Or slow. But it's the creepy, you know, fast moving Jones.

[A]

Ticks.

[B]

Ticks. Don't buy. Yeah.

[A]

Bedbugs. Yeah.

[B]

I never had any experience with bedbugs. Yeah? No. Found a roach yesterday.

[A]

Where?

[B]

My apartment.

[A]

Smoke it, Zaza.

[B]

Loud Pack. I think he came out.

[A]

Was it dead?

[B]

I think he came out of the drain. No, my wife put a cup on it and saved it for me for when I got home.

[A]

You know how to. You know how to get rid of the ones in the drain? You boil a big thing of hot water and you dump it down the drain. Kills all the larvae that might be hanging on the pipes. Why are you looking at me like I'm stupid?

[B]

I mean, like. I don't know. Just. To me it's like. Obviously hot water would do the job.

[A]

Well, did you do it? Maybe you wouldn't have bugs in the home as a child.

[B]

I got bugs at the table, bug man. Maybe. Maybe that's bug man. You're telling me that's what kills him, but that maybe that's what makes him stronger?

[A]

Bugs start falling out of my sleep.

[B]

Pisses them off. Comes get. Get the fucking kid. Get me while I'm sleeping.

[A]

Now, why would I want that? I would maybe want to get one in your brain to control you, but I wouldn't want to hurt you.

[B]

That's impossible.

[A]

Get those miles, get those points.

[B]

But can't figure out now. No, I can't figure out where my miles are. All right, let's see. This one's from Ike. $10, homie. I've had one read. No big deal.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Is it garbage to play the funeral music from a car recently attended a funeral and at the burial Site. They played a song from a pickup that was about a hundred young.

[A]

Mean to treat you.

[B]

You're crazy. I used to love that little buck cherry. Wow. They played a song from a pickup that was about 100 yards away. After that obviously didn't work work. Halfway through the song, they restarted the song, put on an iPhone next to the casket. The song, a six minute AI generated song. I mean, why?

[A]

Why AI generated couldn't get the rights.

[B]

It might have been like a personal. I don't know. I don't know. That guy was definitely like make a song about Jim. He loved whatever.

[A]

That guy was definitely buried in one of them stripped down caskets. Like made out of the IKEA board.

[B]

I've never seen those. I've only ever seen like normal mahogany or whatever it is. Yeah, but I know the bottom of those is typically really thin.

[A]

Like bottom of what?

[B]

Those caskets.

[A]

I feel trashy ones of all of.

[B]

Them to promote the veggie, like the decomposition, I believe.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Thought I think so.

[A]

Is that what they want? They want you in there?

[B]

Eventually, yeah. I don't know. That's right. Maybe I made that. Maybe I heard that on like an episode of Law and Order.

[A]

I'm getting cremated. No, no, no.

[C]

Law and order effect.

[B]

Law and order fact.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kippy's wrong yet again, my friend.

[A]

Look, will you be in a mausoleum? One of those things? The high things?

[C]

I hope so.

[A]

Your family have one of those?

[C]

Yes. Unless we get caught in scandal, taken.

[B]

Down, be buried with us. Buried with the dirtbags he worked for.

[A]

How mad would you be if the three of us were buried together?

[B]

I wouldn't. What?

[C]

In a debtor's grave?

[A]

Thrown on top of each other.

[B]

Betty Bears in Thompson Square park with all the other destitute homeless. Good lord.

[A]

You ever see that scene in Glory where they throw Denzel Washington on top of Matthew Broderick? Talk about a tear. Tear jerker.

[B]

I don't know. I don't have any. I don't have any plans for the afterlife.

[A]

I presume I'll find you.

[B]

You know, maybe like 17th Street beach in Wildwood or something.

[A]

I'll be waiting for you in hell.

[B]

I'm not going to hell.

[A]

Yeah, me neither.

[B]

All right. This one's from John. Ten buck ten dollar. Bucks County. You are just a full on bazo, you know that? You know it.

[A]

Can I do for you?

[B]

This one's from John. $10 bucks county native here. Never had one ready. Thank you for your service.

[A]

Yes, sir.

[B]

Local. Bucks County.

[A]

Love it.

[B]

Is it garbage if at a nicer BYOB restaurant to use the bottle opener on your key ring, which this is. I am an uncouth man. I don't really like wine, per se. And if I'm going out to dinner in the byo, there's a lot of BYOB places in Philly because it's very expensive to get a liquor license just.

[A]

For everybody out there. BYOB does not mean beers. They don't want you bringing in beers.

[B]

They don't? No.

[A]

Why they want you bringing in a bottle of wine.

[B]

I get that. But what is.

[A]

That's what they want.

[B]

What they get is me rolling in with a six pack of Schlitz.

[A]

And first time we went to a beer bong. First time we went to from the Boot. The original from the Boot over there in Lafayette Hill. Lafayette. Whatever it's called.

[B]

I would have to push back. So you're talking a suburban. Anything flies in the suburb. You can't be. You're not classy if you're next to a fucking Sunoco. That just ain't the case. Okay. Just saying. Put that your little pipe and bite them. Yeah, I think if you're going to a.

[A]

Why'd my mom yell at us all in the parking lot? Said we were embarrassing ourselves because we went in there with a coolers of yinglings.

[B]

A cooler Yingling is a tough love.

[A]

To drink them warm like a fucking loser. They don't pay. That's. This is. This was late 90s. They don't put them in the back.

[B]

Would maybe let it slide if you had one of those. Cool. Like, what kind of cooler is this?

[A]

Was a Red Eagle.

[B]

Was it always. It was the rules. Was their wheels.

[A]

There was wheels on it.

[B]

Sand in the bottom of that thing. For sure.

[A]

It was a little.

[B]

You're getting some crunchy beer tops.

[A]

It was like a little half banger. Not a full, like long, long.

[B]

Boy, you can't take that in. I have to listen.

[A]

So what are you gonna bring in a six pack of beer and then.

[B]

Have them put it on ice for you? Hey, can you put this on ice place? That's what I did. And I didn't realize that it was. I had never been to a byob. And Pat shot Pat. We went to one in South Philly. I think I was already back living. I think I was already in New York. And I went back. He's like, oh, we're going to this good restaurant. And they like getting bottles of wine. I'm like, I don't. I don't do wine. So we Got a. I think I went classy and got some. Some IPAs, because to me, that's like. I can do everything.

[A]

IPAs and pasta. Jesus Christ.

[B]

I was a fat.

[A]

I see your cheeks swelling up from here. You gotta do wine or a nice bottle of anisette for after the. After dinner.

[B]

Antiseptic. That shit'll kill you. Not. Well, I mean, now I would. But also, it's like, who gives a fuck? The waiter don't care. The. Wait, listen, if the waiter's judging you, a waiter's a waiter. It's like, you're no better than me. I'm in here drinking beers, you're a fucking waiter. And I'm not on it, but it's like. It's like if the owner came and was like, oh, please, it's not that kind of place.

[A]

I go, put you a cigarette out, sir.

[B]

I'm laid with the candle.

[A]

Goddamn veteran.

[B]

I'm a cop. You salute me when you talk to me. I'm deep undercover right now.

[A]

I'd arrest you, but I'm gonna cover.

[B]

I think beers is fine in a bottle, maybe poured into a glass. Have them ice the beers. Hey, can you put these on ice?

[A]

Like, bring a little thing.

[B]

I do that with the wine.

[A]

I love that. Yeah.

[B]

Hey, can you.

[A]

You know, I love having beers directly in ice and in the. Like in the champagne thing or if.

[B]

You want to be real classy, get one of the. They have like the six pack, like the small, like, lunchbox kind of coolers. Get a nice black. They have it for, like, bottles of wine. Oh, yeah, like a nice black one that looks like it would be done by Samsonite or something. You roll in with that, no one's gonna go, oh, this guy's classy. He knows what he's doing.

[A]

I saw Elton John do that one time. I thought it was really classy.

[B]

Where. What. What are you talking about? You're at a BYOB with Elton John. With the tiny dancer himself.

[A]

No, I was at the concert. Elton John. What are you looking. It was Elton John and Billy Joel. They played out in the Continental Center. It was years ago. I went with my ex girlfriend and what did he. She had just dumped me.

[B]

He had dinner on stage.

[A]

We bought tickets and she. And she took me. I tried to get her back the whole way on the bus back from Jersey.

[B]

That's how you seal the deal with a girl who's already left. You. You take that. You take the bus from.

[A]

I have no money from Paramus.

[B]

You sneak on. Go, go, go, go, go for One person. Act like you're acting. You're sleeping. They're asking you for a ticket. You stink. Dude, I'm a cop. I'll blow up. I'll start shooting everybody here. I'll blow up this whole bus.

[A]

No, he had a. He must had a sword.

[B]

Everybody relax. There's a bomb on the bus. If it goes under 55 miles an hour, it's gonna explode. I am Keanu Reeves.

[A]

I.

[B]

Stink.

[A]

No. Lost my train of thought. God damn it, you stink. Oh, I was at the Elton John, Billy Joel concert, making moves. Shot down and Elton John was on stage. He must have a sore throat or something. But he had a regular club soda in a big, like pewter champagne thing with ice. It was awesome. And he kept putting it in there, taking out and taking swigs off of it. Looks so refreshing.

[B]

Wonder why she left you?

[A]

I wasn't very present. Oh, you has a rhetorical question. She was hot.

[B]

This one's just. This is from Count Trashula. Ever watch wrestling with your parents? That's tough.

[A]

My dad was never into. Was like. Like when I was a kid, it was like, you know, and I don't mean this disrespectfully obviously, but it would be. It was. It was. It was like for kids, I don't know which. I didn't realize that adults watched it.

[B]

You know, I think that's more of a thing now of kids. Like, now there's significantly more adults to watch it because they grew up with. Yeah, the parents of that age didn't. You know, of your age?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Your dad didn't grow up with it?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, he was a boxing man. Yeah. Same with us. I remember my dad boxing. We. I went to a handful of events. Every time it would come around Philly, because at that time it was wwf, nww. There was a W. Wcw. And they were both huge. And wrestling was like, this is like the Stone Cold, the dx. This is the Rock. Like, this is like the. One of the. I mean, it's probably significantly bigger now, but like, this was a huge uprising at the time. And like Hogan had returned. This is like. It was fucking crazy. So we would go. I probably went to like three, maybe two or three when they came around. And I remember my dad would just like, shocked at the adults that were into it. He just couldn't. He didn't like.

[A]

He was just like, don't like pussy.

[B]

I remember he went outside and was smoking a cig with the guys. When you could. There was a smoking section and he was like, I'M gonna go catch a heater. Leave me there. Big pretzel, big soda. Watching the big boss man go.

[A]

Sure you'd be good for 20 seconds?

[B]

I gotta be big pretzel big.

[A]

So that man. You ever wanted to shut you up? Jumbo pretzel and a big Coke.

[B]

Huh? You ain't lying, dog. Huh? Commemorative cup out the door. Maybe some bootleg merch. We were always big bootleg merch.

[A]

Guys in a parking lot.

[B]

Never. But you never buy inside. Even when you went to the Flyers game. I couldn't bring myself because I remember as a kid, I went to a Flyers game and I'm like looking at my dad's like, that's how they. That was a good. That's how they get you. You get the same shit at Models for half the price. Tomorrow morning. Fuck out of here. I'll take it in Chamoni Mall. Get out of Models or Herman's. We are sports. Line them up. Shut them down. We were never. But you buy off the guy in the. How much is that? 20? My dad go give you 10. Okay.

[A]

I used to love buying the concert T shirts in the parking lot. Steve Miller Band and stuff like that.

[B]

Elton John.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. That's right. With the soda. That's right.

[B]

We were always big to the guy. We would buy the bag of three pretzels on the wall. On the. On the walk out too. In Philly, they're always there selling pretzels.

[A]

Hungry. After the show.

[B]

After I had my pretzel. I haven't had a pretzel in about an hour. Starving. We were. We're a big pretzel fan family. Big, huge pretzel. If there's one thing. I mean. Pretzels over chips all day long at. At the Ryan household. Not.

[A]

I'll give you that.

[B]

Not even close. My dad would stop at just like Philly Soft Pretzel Company and just buy a rack, you know what I mean? Like the ten piece. And just come home.

[A]

Yeah, we wouldn't do that.

[B]

Man. There's something about reaching in a big brown bag with like 10 pretzels in there and just ripping off half. You know what I mean? You're just like. All day you're eating this never ending pretzel. There's no end to that.

[A]

Save in the middle.

[B]

That's right after dinner, dog.

[A]

That's the sweet part of the meat right there. That's what Kippy likes.

[B]

All right, we gotta wrap it up.

[A]

Moist center pork chop gang. December 13th. We're gonna be at the Metropolitan Falls right into plug. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. It's the biggest show you've ever done. Come on out and see them.

[B]

Also. Sorry. Please sign up Giveaway. Yeah, sign up for the giveaway. The link will be in the description. We're gonna post it on socials and stuff. This is the first time we were doing anything like this. We hope you guys like it and enjoy it, and we're looking forward to it. We love you, gang.

[A]

We love you. We'll see you next week.

[B]

Peace. As a raider scavenging a derelict world, you settle into an underground settlement. But now you must return to the surface, where arc machines roam. If you're brave enough, who knows what you might find. Arc Raiders, a multiplayer extraction adventure video game. Buy now for PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X and S, and PC. Rated T for teen.