Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope

Summary

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Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: Emergency Room Visits w/ Tommy Pope
Release Date: January 8, 2026
Hosts: Kevin Ryan, H. Foley
Guest: Tommy Pope

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Episode Overview

This episode revolves around the typical "Are You Garbage?" format — comedians putting themselves and their guest through the wringer to see who is truly classless (trash) or classy. On this visit, frequent guest and fellow Philly comic Tommy Pope joins to talk about recent ER visits, Philly sports, Catholic guilt, petty crime, and the general lifestyle hallmarks that define 'garbage people' in hilarious detail. The episode is full of high-energy roast battles, absurd stories, and that unmistakable Philly working class vibe.

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Key Discussion Points & Highlights

1. Tommy's Emergency Room (ER) Adventure

• Bleach in the Eye (02:44 – 04:19)
  • Tommy details a recent accident: "I got bleach in my eye. It was like a Final Destination type shit. I got three bottles of Tilex... I went to squirt the wall, the bottom releases, hits the towel rack, spins, and spits directly in my eye." (Tommy, 03:53)
  • Immediately, his girlfriend wanted to take him to the ER, but Tommy protests: "I'm not going to fucking ER... I was there for six hours." (04:03–04:33)
  • Eventually, pressured by family doctors, he gives in: "They put a Morgan's lens in—it just runs water through your eye constantly." (04:41–04:47)
  • Jokes abound about hospital hacks: "I'm doing the dog bath. I got in the shower, opening my lids, direct shot." (Tommy, 04:03)
• Why Avoid the ER?
  • Tommy resists out of learned trashiness and the inconvenience: "The way we were raised." (04:25)
  • Foley cracks: "He's gotta get somebody's Social Security card." (04:26)

2. Physical Appearance & Self-Deprecation

• Tommy receives endless ribbing about his outfit, hospital visit, glasses, and general appearance.
• Classic Foley: "Do you trim any of that up at all?" (05:53)
• Joke about cologne: "Whatever you're doing... I'm all ticklish. I got it. I smelled your jacket smell. That's a lot." (B, 06:21)

3. Catholic Guilt & Confession Stories

• Foley goes to confession (10:51 – 13:31):
  • Foley admits visiting confession "twice," feeling better for it: "I like to do the privacy one... they clean slate thing." (A, 11:06)
  • Kevin recalls, "They made me do face-to-face on the altar." (B, 11:42)
  • Ridicule of rituals: “Dude, priests are the biggest fucking hacks in the world.” (C/Tommy, 13:39)
• Tommy’s general take on faith:
  • "Religion, spirituality, whatever makes you feel better, it’s great—but you’re acting different since confession..." (C, 14:22–14:27)

4. Buying Flashy Jewelry (for Character Work)

• Tommy, prepping for a role, describes an impulse buy:
  • "I went in there for a pinky ring. I walked out seven grand... ring, pendant, custom made bracelet, see ya." (C, 16:43)
  • His lion pendant explained: "I said, anything but religious... custom made lion head." (C, 16:39)
• Hosts roast him for being upsold, referencing classic Philly/NYC jewelry shop stereotypes.

5. Sports and Philly “Garbage” Culture

• Trashiness at Sporting Events
  • On game-day attire: “Is it garbage to support your team by just wearing the right color, not official merch?” (B, 46:05)
  • Tommy: “No, I think that’s great… wear colors that are close.” (C, 46:19 & 56:37)
• Discussion about attending Flyers hockey games:
  • Female trash at weeknight games: “There’s a certain level of trash at a weeknight Flyers game… a level of female trash in bootleg Flyers gear." (B, 48:33)
  • Tommy’s take: “They wear bedazzled jeans… they get their hair all permed out, trying to blow Gritty.” (C, 49:29–49:44)

6. Petty Crime Hallmarks

• Stealing at the Airport (44:08 – 45:17)
  • Tommy admits: "I steal water every, every flight. Hudson can get it...Every single flight, I steal two of the highest priced waters I can possibly get." (C, 44:08 & 45:23)
  • Defends it: “Thirteen for gummy bears? Suck my dick. I’m stealing water right in front.” (C, 44:29)
  • Play-by-play: “I grab a couple waters, bat my eyes at the lady… pretend to beep, hit cancel, walk out.” (C, 44:35)

7. Family Naming Traditions — Another Trash Sign

• A listener question prompts a discussion about families with similar names (like Denise and Dennis):
  • “That’s real fucking trash." (B, 58:49)
  • Tommy: "[In Philly Italian families] there’s like six or seven names. Joe, Brigid, Tommy, Johnny, Frank, Michael..." (C, 59:19)

8. Rapid-Fire "Are You Garbage?" Questions

• Chip Clips:
  • "Is it garbage to share one chip clip on multiple bags?"
  • Bag-sharing seen as organized but still “derpy/trash.” (B, 60:52)
• Checking ATM Balances and Fees:
  • “Will you use any ATM, or only your bank's?”
  • Tommy: "Nope...Texaco, give me $8 fee. I don't give a shit." (C, 42:38)
• Eating While Shopping:
  • "You ever walk around and finish food before paying, then discard?"
  • "Of course, episode 1." (A/B, 43:18–43:25)

9. Memorable Running Gags & Roasts

• Habitual “Cut that / keep that” meta-commentary, with Tommy frequently demanding edits after edgy or failed bits.
• Sustained mockery about taquitos, cologne, and "killer whale of comedy" (28:16), referencing Foley’s attack and predatorial hosting energy.
• Crack about Philly family: “Two Kevins at the cousin level. Only six names where we're from.” (B, 59:07)

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Notable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• Tommy on the ER:
  “All I did was went from off to on — it hit the towel rack, did a spin and spit directly in my eye. Like I’m talking full splash.” (Tommy Pope, 03:53)

• Tommy on stealing water:
  “Hudson can get it. Thirteen for gummy bears? Suck my dick. I’m stealing water right in front.” (44:29)

• Kevin on supporting your team:
  “Is it garbage to support your team with just the colors, not any official merch?” (46:05)

• On Catholic Confession:
  “They made me do face-to-face on the altar. Oh, my God... I made stuff up, you know—used the Lord’s name in vain. Jerked off a couple times.” (Kevin, 11:42)

• Foley on childhood fashion:
  “It was a maroon pair of sweatpants… Didn’t even have elastic at the bottom. Fat kids were sitting on me.” (A/H. Foley, 53:44)

• Tommy on Philly names:
  “In Philly families, there’s like six or seven names... Tommy, Johnny, Frank, Michael.” (59:19)

• On seeing Gritty at Flyers games:
  "There’s a level of female trash in like a bootleg Flyers... they wear bedazzled jeans, hair permed out, trying to blow Gritty." (Tommy, 49:29)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tommy’s ER story: 02:44 – 04:47
• Confession & Catholic guilt: 10:51 – 13:31
• Buying jewelry for a role: 15:16 – 17:02
• Philly sporting events & trash fashion: 46:05 – 47:00, 48:33 – 49:53
• Petty theft at airports: 44:08 – 45:23
• Family naming trash: 58:20 – 60:05

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Tone & Dynamic

True to the show’s format, the tone throughout is rapid-fire ribbing, blue-collar camaraderie, and semi-anarchic Philly humor. Foley and Kevin alternate between earnest curiosity and pure goofball antagonism, making sure Tommy never feels too comfortable (“This is the killer whale of comedy, dude. You never know who he’s gonna come after.” — C, 28:19). Tommy dishes it back, often going meta on the show’s running bits: “Cut that, Kev. Go ahead, ask a question.” (C, 45:55)

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Summary

This episode is packed with the show’s signature chaotic energy, deep Philly in-jokes, and working class confessions, all filtered through stories of bodily harm, childhood flashbacks, and the ever-present specter of trashy habits. Tommy Pope’s accident and ER visit anchor the show’s thematic focus (“how garbage are we, really?”), with constant digressions into sports, shoplifting, childhood trauma, and the minutiae that determine classiness—or, more often, its trashy absence.

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru Garbage.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

It's that little show.

[A]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after you to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash.

[C]

Trash, trash, trash.

[A]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tootie's in a new edition. Just got some big News. She's doing SummerSlam this summer. Taking a ring. Look out. You put a folding chair in that broad's hand.

[B]

All right, you're pushing it. Take the lip and get out of there.

[A]

Good night, folks. Mike Coase is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of Are you garbage? International businessman, my best pal in the whole wide world. When you're reaching for a best pal, do yourself a favor. Make it a kippy. Give it up for Casey James Ryan. Never heard that one.

[B]

That was the original intro. What's up, gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you rate view subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are in the middle.

[A]

Yes, we are top 100.

[B]

That's where we belong. Middle of the charts. Not showing off, not falling behind. Then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. all your garbage. Go over there. You get all that bonus content. And the boys are on the road. Get your tick. Toronto this weekend.

[A]

Oh, boy. How about that? Toronto. Going up north. Yeah, Some of them ketchup chips, gang. We couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest back with us again today, our brother from another mother.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Let me ask you a question. Do you do gym class, Mr. Pope?

[B]

Hey, get him a whistle, will you?

[C]

Know what's up? You know what's up, Luke.

[A]

Our old pal Tommy Pope, everybody.

[C]

We had a.

[A]

We had a stuff island tires, a.

[C]

Great conversation for 35 minutes.

[B]

Lovely.

[C]

He was sitting on that. That joke. I learned that long the bust the tits of me. What?

[B]

Obvious.

[C]

And that's what you came up with?

[B]

Probably. Keep it up. He's gonna hate when a chest passed.

[A]

First of all, I'll be doing suicides. You want to see a pic?

[C]

You don't really want to know why I'm wearing the.

[A]

Oh, man. This is how to get out of work 101. This guy goes to the edge.

[C]

No, dude, it looks like AI.

[B]

Oh yeah, Tommy's in a hospital. Yeah, Tommy gave us a sob story. He's like, hey, you guys want a podcast? And sends a picture of him in the hospital.

[A]

Hair is perfect. Yeah, well, you had this done in New York?

[C]

No, it's just in Austin.

[A]

To a doctor down there.

[C]

I went to a farm. It was a farmhand, little Mexican guy.

[B]

I got bleach.

[C]

I got bleach in my eye.

[B]

Yeah, bleach in your eye.

[C]

Yeah, it was like a Final Destination type shit. I got three. Three bottles of Tilex.

[A]

That's not how they take you out, Final Destination.

[C]

Well, I'm telling you, barely.

[B]

He's never seen the movies.

[C]

I don't like that he's sleeping this much. This kid is way too fucking relaxed.

[B]

Who, him?

[C]

Yeah, me.

[B]

Let me tell the fucking story, okay?

[C]

Three bottles of Tilex. I take one out and I start squirting my.

[B]

You got three. That's a lot of bottles.

[C]

You save a little, you got a big beach. You save a couple dimes, you get a Pilex. Yeah, on the fucking with bleach.

[A]

That was once a year.

[C]

That's my mom, of course. Look, we're doing well, okay? We got highlights.

[B]

He's not doing fabuloso.

[A]

Which by the way, we had the studio clean my toothbrush tastes like fabulous.

[B]

I bet it does.

[C]

Dude, your mouth is probably from that fucking cleaning lady. Look, I went to squirt the wall. The fucking bottom releases from the squirt.

[B]

Wasn't screwed in.

[C]

Apparently not.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

All I did was went from off to on it hit the towel rack, did a spin and spit directly in my eye. Like I'm talking full splash. And I started washing.

[B]

I do.

[C]

I'm doing the dog bath. I got in the shower, opening my lids, direct shot. And my girl's like, we're going to the er. And I'm just yelling at her going, I'm not going to fucking er. Yeah, I'm not going to fucking er. Then she texted my sister in law who's a doctor, and then a couple other friends who were doctors, they said, get them to the er.

[B]

Yeah. Why were you adverse to it? Just because it's in you. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, the way we were raised.

[A]

He'S got a Social Security number, he's got to get somebody's card.

[C]

And also how many hours. I was there for six hours.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You cancel shows. I had to.

[A]

You know bleach in your eye.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But I got it.

[B]

They had you hardwired with like, a tube.

[A]

It looked like a nice setup, to be honest with you.

[C]

It's called the Morgan's lens.

[A]

Morgan's lens?

[C]

Yeah. I guess this fucking doctor invented this lens. And it's essentially a piece of plastic that drips like an IV drip. And it just runs water through your eye constantly.

[A]

I figured they put more bleach.

[C]

Closed eye.

[B]

Use that bleach to kill the other bleach.

[C]

Yeah, and that's what I told him. I was like, look, I've been snorting coke for years.

[B]

If my eyesight's fine. Hey, doc, you party?

[C]

Yeah, look, baby, I'm all good.

[A]

This doesn't pertain to anything here. I just want you know I'm cool. Yeah.

[B]

I'm not. No. Who comes to the doctor? Hi, party. This is my dumb wife.

[C]

Give me the lens.

[B]

But I ain't no.

[A]

You always tell them you're gonna pass out. Yeah, that's how you get moved through in the line. You always say you're gonna.

[B]

Well, they're gonna believe you.

[C]

Not me.

[B]

Me. Get me a can of corn. Uhoh.

[A]

Tachy old man Logan. Look at him. You know what I was thinking about, and I'm not.

[B]

You got hot tub, swinger body. How you doing? I'm glad my wife's not the rib cage.

[A]

Do you trim any of that up at all?

[B]

Real thick, like a. Like a pitbull.

[A]

You are. You are winter Tommy right now.

[B]

I know I got to grow this out for tires.

[A]

Oh, yeah?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Are you playing Santa Claus? Period piece.

[C]

I'm an oil man.

[A]

You know what? Where did you get those glasses? I don't know, but is that his.

[B]

Cologne is turning me on, I gotta be honest.

[C]

Nice scent, huh, buddy?

[B]

Whatever you're doing. I'm all ticklish. I got it. I smelled your jacket smell. That's a lot.

[A]

It's called Locatelli, by the way.

[B]

No, no, no, it's not a lot. It's powerful, emotional.

[A]

I have something nice on. Yeah, you don't say. I wear something. Come on.

[B]

Hey, buddy, whatever you're doing.

[C]

It's a taquito.

[B]

I've had cooler.

[C]

It's caught in his collar. It's just an old taquito looking all over, rolled up like a 1980s linebacker. This is taquito so his head doesn't slap back.

[B]

I know sriracha when I smell it.

[A]

I don't like hot stuff. Except for Tommy.

[C]

Well, let's just. Why do we have to do this?

[A]

You know what I Was thinking before you. Before you. Before you were here.

[B]

This episode's not gonna get anywhere. No, it's great you took your headphones on. What are we listening? This guy's a renegade.

[A]

It's over by his lips.

[C]

What are we listening to? You're right next to me.

[A]

What is that? That ain't chapstick.

[B]

Yeah. If you start watching some film, watching game tv.

[A]

Listen, I've been doing my face creams, everything.

[B]

Trying to be a hot guy, too. Yeah.

[A]

I'm trying to get rid of these bags under my.

[B]

Why don't you start with the bags under your tits?

[A]

That's where the taquitos go.

[B]

Trying to get rid of the bag.

[C]

Yeah. Would you like a bag, sir? No, I'm good. Just put the taquito on the table.

[A]

By the way, I gotta tell you something. These delivery guys, the way they tighten up the plastic bags, he's like, you.

[B]

Don'T want me to eat it? No. Trying to help.

[C]

How'd you get that scratcher in there?

[B]

Was it delivery guy or a hooker?

[C]

At the knife wound he's got on his nose.

[B]

It's.

[A]

A cat did it to me.

[B]

Oh, a cat.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I did a cat.

[B]

I bet.

[A]

Mountain lion.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They're called Vietnamese.

[B]

Luke. Make a note of that.

[C]

What are you talking about? That's.

[A]

Keep that.

[B]

That's crazy.

[C]

That's not offensive.

[A]

I don't play in Doko.

[B]

That'll get you. That'll get you an award. That's a good bit.

[C]

That's a good bit. My first good bit.

[B]

That's a good bit in Wayne. And. That's a good bit here.

[A]

Picked it up to broom.

[B]

All them.

[A]

They'll be carrying out of the Lee's house media flowing.

[B]

I thought media was nice.

[C]

Media is very nice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah, it is nice. It's right by Rose Valley where once.

[C]

You start making money, you're like, holy, media stinks.

[B]

Okay. I don't know. I've. I always. Ever. I knew the. The regional rail, the R3 ended in media.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I was a West Trenton side.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I took it up the buck. It's like Oz.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I never been to the Golden Road.

[A]

It's never good if you're the last stop on the train. That much I know. I don't know.

[C]

Cut that. I mean, absolutely cut that.

[A]

What I was gonna say is that I've been thinking.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Do you. When you're down in Texas and this isn't a shot or anything like that, do you ever, like, throw on the boots, like cowboy boots? And a hat and go out to, like, dance or anything.

[B]

Because dad would be rolling over in his grave and he's still alive.

[C]

I started laughing the minute he said it.

[A]

Well, you'd look good in a cowboy hat. And you'd look good in the whole setup.

[B]

Sane.

[A]

You could go, like, line dancing with the missus or something.

[C]

That's a costume. I feel terrible wearing glasses. Can't imagine putting fucking cowboy boots on.

[B]

Yeah, it's a big swing.

[C]

It's insane. Yeah.

[A]

Where did you get those glasses, huh? That's got lens graphics.

[B]

5 below.

[C]

Why you keep asking?

[B]

There's a lady swing.

[C]

Warby Parker.

[A]

Those are Warby Parker? Yeah. You don't like them? Oh, Warby Parker. Special eds, huh?

[C]

What's his problem?

[A]

Dude, what are you talking. I'm supposed to make fun of you.

[B]

Well, you were having.

[C]

We were having a good time.

[A]

That was earlier.

[C]

All right. I'll remember this.

[B]

You also said, that's so trashy. Ruby Porker.

[C]

I'll bring some up. No.

[B]

Hey, easy does it. No.

[C]

I will ruin this whole podcast.

[B]

This is a nice, friendly episode.

[C]

You're not gonna popcorn walk me into disaster?

[B]

No one without me fighting back.

[C]

You want to start this?

[B]

What's popcorn walking?

[A]

Keep that. I'm a Reese's Pieces man. Everybody knows that. Trying to get me in a van. You're gonna be popcorn. I'll tell you that. That.

[C]

I don't like how much he's sleeping.

[B]

Dude, he's fresh. He's rejuvenated.

[C]

I don't like it.

[B]

New Year, new Foley.

[C]

I don't like it.

[B]

He's coming off the worst summer ever. They spilled into December and January.

[C]

I'll start next week.

[A]

Yeah, this is a fresh. Talking about.

[C]

Yeah, the Foley game plan.

[A]

Next week is fun.

[B]

Kick a guy while he's down.

[C]

Son of a. Yeah, tomorrow. That's a good back tattoo.

[A]

You'll be happy with this. I did go to confession. I was down. I went to confession. I went twice.

[C]

Yeah, I bet you just got back in line. Yeah, sure.

[B]

Have I seen you.

[C]

You put a fake mustache on.

[B]

Hit the time limit.

[C]

I feel like I seen you.

[A]

Well, you know, what happened is I like to do the privacy one where you do. If you don't. If you don't know the Catholics, we do confession. They clean slate thing.

[C]

You believe in that?

[A]

A little bit.

[B]

Anything to help him out of a jam. All right.

[C]

All right. Yeah, whatever works.

[A]

But I sit.

[C]

You sit in a box with a.

[A]

All right.

[C]

You tell them the goods.

[B]

Believe that.

[C]

Maybe you tell them the goods.

[B]

But how do you bend down? You get on your knees.

[A]

I get on my knees. Am I gonna suck his dick?

[C]

You drop your sins?

[B]

No.

[C]

By accident. Okay, cut.

[B]

That I've only ever done. I think I've only ever conf. I confessed once or twice. Remember my first one? They made me do face to face on the altar.

[A]

That's what I'm saying.

[B]

On everybody. Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How's Mike?

[C]

What do you say? I didn't. I didn't help mom with the dishes.

[B]

Yeah, I made stuff up, you know, Used the Lord's name in vain. Jerked off a couple of times.

[A]

I was gonna say. Did you leave out wailing on yourself.

[B]

Up in your room? That's not a sin. Yeah, it is. Where's that? In the Ten Commandments? Yeah.

[C]

That brings you closer to God.

[A]

Dude, drop that down.

[B]

You want to see? Lights.

[C]

The holy juice.

[B]

Yay. Lied to, you know. Fought with my brother. Coveted. My neighbor's wife. This, that, the other thing. She's a hot piece.

[A]

Is he's age, Noah and what's her name.

[B]

Yeah. You make stuff up. Yeah, of course. I'm there to get through the motions. I don't make sure that's what he's doing, too.

[A]

I know I don't make stuff up.

[C]

I think this guy's sitting there like a clinical therapist.

[A]

This guy's eyebrows were curling. He's like, jack, Jesus. You're telling me.

[C]

Take it easy. Sometimes that's how we enunciate.

[A]

I. I walked in too far, and he was sitting there, and I couldn't go back. Now you already see my face.

[B]

You're half a celebrity down there, too. Yeah.

[C]

What are you talking about? What are you worried about him seeing your face for?

[A]

Because I've never done the confection where you're sitting there looking at him. Yeah, tell him dirty stuff.

[C]

How? In all honesty, how. Like, how deep did we get here?

[A]

We get pretty deep. You know what I mean?

[C]

Are you saying real shit, dude?

[A]

Yeah. What do you mean?

[C]

How'd you scratch on your nose?

[B]

Three slices of tomato pie. Yeah.

[C]

Or do you go in there? Our Father.

[A]

Def jam poetry.

[B]

I'm not playing it all. Do you remember? What do you do? Like, Forgive me, Father. Five sin. It has been 15 years since my last confession.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I give him. It's been forever since my last confession.

[C]

Three Hail Marys for Our Fathers.

[A]

That's all I got. I got three Hail Marys and three Our Fathers.

[B]

It couldn't have been that big. Whatever you said couldn't have been epic. That's what they give Denise.

[A]

Keep the lights on down there.

[B]

Of course they are jammed up.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Dude, Priests are the biggest fucking hacks in the world.

[A]

Get out of here.

[C]

Pastors worst past. There's no pastor that isn't a fucking fraud.

[B]

Our pastor's not priests. You mean pastor from just like, you know.

[C]

Yeah. They can. They can live a regular life and they steal. They take their tithings from a bunch of fucking mongoloids like Foley.

[A]

Is that what happened to you?

[C]

That's how I got my glasses. 110 pence. Keep that.

[B]

Tommy's got it out for the religious. Religious institute.

[C]

Yeah, dude, I went to school for 12 years doing this dumb. The out of here.

[A]

It made me feel better. I've been going to therapy and I want. I wanted to get my.

[C]

That's how I feel about religion, spirituality. Whatever it is, makes you feel better. It's great.

[A]

Yeah?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But you're acting different.

[A]

I'm not. How am I acting?

[C]

Since you had a confession, you came in here hot, wearing a wire.

[B]

This guy's a narc, dude. He is me about my plug and that.

[C]

It's being different.

[A]

How am I being different? I don't know. See what happens when a guy tries to change?

[C]

I like this. No, I like change. For you.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

I do.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Have you heard the good news?

[C]

Say something about my glasses.

[A]

He's risen. That's from the Sopranos.

[B]

Do you have a relationship with God, Tommy?

[C]

No.

[B]

You wear a crucifix? What's on that chain? No, cannoli.

[C]

It's a lion.

[B]

It's a lion.

[A]

It's Buddy from Cake Boss.

[B]

Dude, a lion.

[A]

Have you had his stuff though?

[C]

First of all, no.

[B]

I got all this funny guy to have.

[C]

I got all his shoes, bronze. I got all this jewelry for. For tires, so I had to get a pinky ring. I got a little sauced up, you know. Didn't see a priest. No confessions. I walked in there hot and I got fleeced by this little Arab kid.

[B]

I knew you were gonna name his nationality. You're like my brother, dude. Any guy ever. You gotta eat Italian guy, Jewish guy. Why not? It's a very Philly thing. No, I'm. I'm agreeing with you. I'm not.

[A]

What?

[B]

Hey, relax.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Hey, for Italian, somebody goes, why? Why does it matter if he's Asian? I'm telling you story.

[B]

I'm telling you story. For your mind.

[C]

You go, okay, there it is. He's an Asian guy. All right. There's a little fucking sweet Arab boy selling me a fucking.

[B]

You went in and a pinky. That's not something you buy online. You got drunk and went, oh, I went.

[C]

I went in the fucking jewelry.

[B]

You want a lot you face to face.

[C]

So I got that. Yeah, you know the free. I got a freemason's ring from the 70s.

[B]

Mm.

[C]

Unbelievable.

[A]

It feels better when stuff on makes the character more authentic.

[C]

I only went in there for pinky.

[B]

Play a fat guy wears his own clothes. What are you talking about?

[A]

It's authentic though.

[B]

Everything says Henry.

[C]

And then I said, I want a pendant.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

And he goes, I said, anything but religious. I don't want that. And he goes, well, we have a custom made lion head.

[B]

Send it.

[C]

And then he bought. I bought another chain, I bought another bracelet and I walked out seven grand.

[B]

What?

[A]

Seven G's?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, did you get this in Brooklyn? Did you tell me about.

[B]

No.

[A]

Queens.

[C]

Queens, Great. It's great place, huh? Yeah, but dude, we're talking ring, pendant, custom made.

[B]

Not for you.

[A]

Custom made.

[C]

A bracelet. See ya.

[A]

Whose anniversary does it say on the back of that thing?

[B]

To Jim, with love.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

For my dearest Antoine. Cut.

[A]

Anyway, 25 years sober. Love, Al.

[C]

It's nice.

[B]

I, I, I, I, That's. I didn't expect. I didn't peg you for a drag or. I had a drag queen. No, a lion guy. I had a dragon when I was a kid.

[C]

It could have been anything. A unicorn.

[A]

You wouldn't do a cross. You wouldn't do St. Michael. St. Gabriel.

[C]

No, that, no, no, that's nice.

[A]

It's beautiful. Yeah, Yeah, I like it. I kind of want to go to Gold.

[C]

It's 18K. It's nice.

[B]

I believe you. I'm not buying it from you. I don't know nothing stuff.

[C]

Island dot com.

[B]

Plug the website. Look at this.

[C]

In case I get in a street fight.

[A]

Gab, let's talk about Helix mattresses.

[B]

Helix, Helix, Helix.

[A]

Big fancy Helix mattress over here. It's the winter time. You're gonna spend a lot of time indoors. What do you want to do it? Sleeping on a cottage? Yeah, some bad mattress. No, you want to do it in a Helix. You go over there, you take the quiz. You find out how you sleep. Do you sleep light? Do you sleep heavy? Sleep on your side, on your back. Are you tall? Are you short? Are you big? Are you small? Whatever you want. They'll pair you up with the best mattress. Absolutely perfect for you.

[B]

Yeah, obviously, I mean, we've said as well document I've been Sleeping in a mattress. I have a Helix mattress for about five years now. Since the beginning of the show. They were nice enough to send us one. And it's changed my life. I'm a Helix man through and through. Whatever. If I go over to your house and you, oh, you're crashing in the other room. I go, okay, where's the garage? Because I'm bringing my Helix in for tonight. You know, it's funny, that's what I'm.

[A]

Doing is I still think of it as a brand new mattress because there really is five years later, brand new.

[B]

That's Helix. That's a heavy payload on it, Guys. They got 120 night sleep trial. They got a limited lifetime warranty and a happy with Helix guarantee. Rest easy with seamless returns and exchanges offers a risk free customer first experience designed to ensure you're completely satisfied with your new mattress. Right now you can head over. Excuse me. Go to helixleep.comgarbage for 27% off site wide. How you doing? That's helixleep.comgarbage, 27% off sitewide. Make sure to say enter our show name after checkout. So you know the boys site?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Helixleep.com garbage do it.

[A]

Yeah, but it's talking about quints, gang. We're talking about a new year. Colder days. This is the moment your winter wardrobe has to deliver. And if you're not shopping at Quint's, you're gonna be left out in the cold. Quince brings together premium materials, thoughtful design, and enduring quality. Enduring quality. I like that. So stay warm, look sharp, and do yourself a favor, get over to Quint's and stay sharp all winter long.

[B]

Yeah, they got down jackets, wool coats, Italian leather outerwear.

[A]

Italian leather.

[B]

It'll keep you warm when it's actually cold. How you doing? They got Mongolian cashmere sweaters, wool coats, leather suede outerwear. Everything you need to be looking dapper. They got you covered. And it's if you look good, you can be a bozo and still look good. That's what I do. I'm an idiot. I went over to Quint's. I said, let me get some pants. Let me get something nice to wear around the holidays. I get a party. These are the time of year you got to look pretty good. And we're bozos. A lot of listeners are bozos. Go over there, you get an outfit, get two outfits, you look good. You go to the event, your cocktail hour, your wife's holiday party to this, to that. They got you freaking covered. I love the Paints. That's why I got a nice pair of slacks. Looking good.

[A]

They got good socks over there.

[B]

I could take it. Refresh your winter wardrobe with quince. Go to quince.comgarbage for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I n c e.com garbage free shipping, 265 day third returns. Quince.com garbage. Do it. Yeah. Back to the show.

[A]

Back to the show.

[B]

Aha. Well, very interesting, Tom. It's nice to have you back.

[C]

It's great to see you boys. I love you.

[A]

It's always Love you.

[B]

Always a pleasure. When you come to town, we get.

[A]

To see each other.

[C]

Isn't that great?

[A]

Coincidentally, Playoff season.

[C]

Coincidentally.

[B]

Mm.

[C]

We should go.

[A]

I can't go week.

[C]

What?

[A]

I can't go.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

I can't go down there.

[C]

What do you mean down there?

[A]

I can't go down to the game. I got shit to do Sunday night, okay? Plus, big games like that, I gotta watch it on tv.

[B]

Listen, the last big game we went to, we won.

[C]

Hold on a second.

[B]

Oh, we all. The three of us went together. Yeah. If you remember.

[C]

Yeah. And tell Feather Atkinson you can go Monday.

[A]

Who's Feather Atkinson?

[C]

Whoever you're confessing to face. It's the playoffs.

[A]

Feather Atkinson.

[B]

Hey, listen. If he's a. If he's a priest in Philadelphia, he'll understand. Okay, first thing, Father.

[C]

First.

[B]

What are you doing here?

[A]

You.

[B]

You should be.

[C]

He's going see Feather Atkinson.

[B]

Fighter.

[C]

That's fatter I can say.

[A]

Luke, talking to me like this. Hey, buddy.

[B]

And we're back again, ladies and gentlemen.

[C]

I'm sorry, Fada.

[B]

Go Bird. In the Name of Jalen. 3.

[C]

Three Hail Marys and go Birds.

[A]

Forgive me, Father. Tommy drinks.

[C]

Oh, my God. Look at you. This fucking kid's pristine for 30 days. Suck my dick.

[A]

Still drinking peanuts.

[C]

I'll come at you. Dude, you better calm down. We'll do an hour. If that can't be released.

[B]

We're already halfway there. Put them up. My face is creased.

[A]

I didn't know you were.

[B]

You look like what's his name from Jaws?

[A]

I didn't know. Roy Schneider or Quint?

[B]

Roy Schneider.

[A]

I didn't know. You wear contacts.

[B]

Schneider.

[C]

Yeah. Wear contacts.

[A]

You can't see far away. You can't see close.

[C]

I can't see far away. I'm nearsighted. You're out of your mind if you're cutting that. What are we doing here?

[B]

Podcast underwear ad selling better help.

[C]

Exactly.

[B]

Anyway, Which I don't need. Cuz I go to confess.

[C]

You go to confession?

[A]

I went twice. Yeah, I got that.

[C]

You feel better?

[A]

Yeah, it felt good that day.

[C]

Yeah?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then what? You gotta make an appointment? Are you just going like office hours? I don't know how it works. Ding, ding.

[A]

They take walk ins.

[B]

I see if I get a shape.

[C]

Up real quick, the bell rings in the front door. No one's there anyway.

[A]

No, you go three o' clock to have it over at St. Helens and I haven't been there in a while. And I get in there and everyone's standing in the line waiting. I'll tell you this real quick.

[B]

Pass some hors d' oeuvres or something. I'm starving.

[A]

No shrimp, everyone. There's no shrimp.

[B]

He's still fucking.

[A]

Everyone was facing the. The. The altar, which I don't remember that.

[C]

That'S where dead Jesus is.

[A]

Yeah, I know, but I got in line and there was a guy in front of me. I go, what the way are you facing this way? He's like, you know, to face the altar. And I'm like, this is the back of the line, though. He's like, yeah. So I'm waiting.

[B]

Standing there like the backwards man.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Like a fucking.

[B]

I like an awkward elevator.

[A]

Like I was in the front.

[B]

That's a setup.

[A]

And there's a guy in there for like 20 minutes. I'm like, what this guy do? That's.

[C]

That's how you know none of this is real.

[A]

Stop it, Tommy.

[B]

What this guy. You're bombing in line. You stink, dude.

[A]

I said no. It's a little rain, huh?

[B]

Hey, did you hear about. Did you hear about the one with the priest and Sydney Sweeney in a canoe?

[A]

No. Four sheep.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

The second four. You stepped on that. That was brilliant.

[C]

No, we liked it.

[A]

I said, no. A four sheep. Really? Because it's two.

[B]

I hit him again.

[C]

He's gonna fuck the others.

[B]

We get it.

[C]

Thank you. Yeah.

[A]

Anyway, I'm waiting there.

[B]

I gotta be honest with you, I didn't get it. I just thought it was a bad math joke.

[A]

Tommy, give him detention.

[B]

I'll stay after with him.

[A]

I'm waiting in line. This old lady comes over, she goes, is that. She goes, is that so and so in there? And I think so. And then I go in and come out and I'm like, yeah, it's him. And she goes, oh, okay.

[B]

And goes the other line, priest wise.

[A]

Yeah. And I'm like, what the.

[C]

Yeah, creepy.

[A]

So I creep over to her and.

[B]

I go, hey, what do you got that I don't got?

[A]

I was like, what was that all about?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, what do you know that I don't? She's like, no, I just wanted to see this guy. All right, cool.

[B]

You got a bad guy, huh? You get a bad guy?

[A]

I got a great guy, but I just didn't like that.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

What does she know that I don't? Yeah. Do I gotta spell it out for you?

[C]

Absolutely.

[B]

Yeah. I don't know if I fully get it.

[A]

I was worried that he might be.

[B]

A little light in the loafers.

[A]

No. Cool with that?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I was hoping for.

[C]

Why is this table creaking like a fucking 1940s German attic?

[A]

Welcome back to the Black Pearl.

[B]

Like the hull of a ship.

[C]

So you just cut that whole podcast off to tell the story?

[A]

I don't know if I cut anything off.

[C]

Catholic lady wanted this one.

[B]

That's what Tommy hears, right? Tommy hears. Broady figures. Hot and horny.

[C]

First of all, you're shifting lines to get the one priest.

[A]

That's what. That's what.

[C]

She has a relationship with him.

[B]

No, he's getting.

[A]

I don't know what the reason was. I was worried that she didn't go to him because he was. He was. He was bad and a bad apple. And I was like, who did I just tell all that fucked up shit to? I'm putting material in this guy spank bank.

[C]

Jesus Christ. Can we cut all that? It's no good. Horrendous.

[A]

What is that hoodie, by the way? I thought it was an Eagles hoodie. It's not.

[B]

No, it's.

[A]

Is that your high school?

[C]

No, it's my. My merch boy, Strafford.

[B]

Couple of good. Couple of good. I believe they were St. Joe's boys. Yeah, St. Joe's they were prep boys out of Philadelphia.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My cousin taught some of them.

[C]

Strafford. It's Declan Finn.

[B]

Oh, they're good, Mikey.

[A]

It's a sweet.

[C]

Great. Yeah, that's the guys that make our merch. They're very, very good kids.

[B]

They're very good kids.

[C]

You got some, right? You got a couple.

[B]

I support. I support all of my friends, podcasts. I got that from Mr. Salvacano, who was just wearing one of our shirts on an episode.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

You support the boys?

[C]

The boys, yes, of course. Yeah.

[B]

And they're also nice guys. Every time I've been in a live show, they try to give me more support. Them support. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, I like this.

[B]

We're back.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't Know you. You see this?

[A]

I don't have a computer to get a little brick and mortar, I'd stop by on my way to church.

[B]

A little bit of foot traffic there doesn't. We don't need to be fighting. We could all be together.

[A]

Hey, by the way, if you have those, that's actually do.

[C]

Brick and mortar is what I call you, too.

[B]

It's not bad. The boys are coming. The brick and mortar.

[A]

Have you had one of those croissants down there? Tommy Bunce's croissants.

[B]

Who? Tom Segura?

[A]

Never mind. You like a croissant?

[C]

I like a croissant.

[A]

What, are you two gonna start kissing? Get to the questions, will you?

[C]

I. I don't know.

[A]

Not. You asked me if I had a.

[C]

Croissant at a place I've never heard of.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I don't know. Hey, hey, listen, you're drinking Virginia.

[C]

I've never seen rested Foley. It's scary.

[B]

Don't try to.

[C]

This is the killer whale of comedy, dude. You never know who he's gonna come after.

[B]

Song.

[C]

He's the predator.

[B]

He was doing the president. He's gonna be me. He's gonna bite my ankle and take me down to the bottom of the tank.

[A]

Give you a Rolls, y'.

[B]

All.

[A]

Tootsie Roll.

[B]

I'm gonna get too comfortable and he's gonna blackfish.

[C]

He's gonna give you one rib shot, you're gonna lose oxygen immediately.

[A]

Just press you up against the side of the pool.

[B]

You're toying with me. You ever seen me come up? Right back down. Hey, big pants.

[C]

Right back down.

[A]

Hit you with a quick flop.

[C]

We're going to Toronto this week.

[A]

You know they're doing that now, Those fucking. The killer whales.

[B]

Yeah, that's the joke.

[A]

They're diving on boats, not the trainers.

[B]

Oh, yeah? Like off the grass or something.

[A]

Yeah. Diving on boats.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

They're bored.

[A]

Trying to get a white cloth. Get all this sushi. Nothing to wash it down with. I'm killing. What are you talking about? Horrendous. These things are so slippery.

[C]

This is horrendous. What?

[B]

The headphones.

[A]

It's 600 degrees.

[C]

Why are you wearing headphones? We're not listening to anything.

[B]

Broadcaster, you're doing a show.

[C]

You don't have to listen any. We're right here.

[B]

You're not getting. The lines are.

[C]

I can hear you.

[B]

Yeah, they're piping through lines.

[C]

What do you mean?

[B]

We're coming up with all this in the moment.

[A]

Hold on, wait a minute. Tommy's glasses. Okay.

[C]

I just pass out. I never understood the fucking headphones.

[B]

It makes it feel like you're in the show. You're in it.

[C]

No. Yeah, that's fucking.

[B]

You're allowed to do it, you know. No one's making you wear them. Yeah, we're just saying we're wearing them.

[C]

All right. I like it.

[A]

I can do this.

[C]

I can hear it.

[A]

No, you can't.

[C]

Yes, I can.

[A]

Like it. You couldn't. The headphones.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Is it that.

[B]

You better fucking. Tommy, I killed in the headphones. No, no, hold on, hold on.

[A]

Watch.

[B]

We're dying. This is it.

[A]

I'll do it for you.

[C]

It better fucking crush.

[A]

Watch. I'll do Machine Gun.

[C]

I'll be honest.

[A]

I'll do Machine Gun.

[C]

Our Father or it in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

[B]

Hey, Michael.

[C]

I'm keeping him on that. That was. That was fucking dynamite, dude. You're right. It's so different. It is. So can we start over? Is there a possibility to start over?

[B]

This is.

[A]

Yeah, from the. Hey, everybody.

[B]

Oh. All right. Let's get to some. It's always fun. We got Tommy Pope here. Yes, sir. Let's get to some sweating on my.

[A]

This is a Christmas shirt. I'm sweating on it, and I cannot wash it. This is a dry clean only.

[B]

There's nothing dry about that, man.

[A]

It's like, I'm gonna have time to.

[C]

Kill over here just dropping off six shirts for wet clean.

[B]

You're sweating. You're like. You're waiting on a. A jury to come back.

[A]

Just hang that out the window without a dryer.

[B]

You looked really well put together. You're. Dude, the hairs go and the shirt's all hot, man. I. I know the texture.

[A]

Drink.

[B]

Huh? I know the texture of that shirt right now. And it stinks. It's like, I could squeeze it. It would stay together.

[A]

Hey, don't do that.

[B]

Ah, there's like a rainforest in there.

[A]

Yeah, that thing sucks.

[B]

Straighten your arm out. Yeah, it's gonna be all rinky dink, low pressure. All right, let's see. Since we were talking about maybe going two to y', all, the old Birds game, playoff football coming up this week. Got Birds. We got a couple. A couple of sporting event questions for our friend Tommy.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You're a pretty classy guy, I gotta say. I mean, you're a dirt bag in your. You know, in your heart of hearts. You are a Philadelphia.

[A]

He's put together.

[B]

Oh, you're put together. You got good fashion.

[C]

This is nice cleans.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

The sound quality is Crazy nice. Yeah, it's really nice.

[A]

You look. You're teaching a broadcasting class.

[B]

See, What? I wouldn't say.

[C]

That's why I wouldn't put it on. I'm already wearing accessories. There's too many accessories.

[A]

I had a dream the other night where he had an earring in.

[B]

Here you go, Luke.

[C]

No, don't. What are you talking about?

[A]

Why does he gotta do it?

[B]

You're arguing, dude. You're arguing like you're arguing with a ref with a big call. The hell that's been inside the street zone all day?

[C]

I held his arm. I held his arm. Everybody holds arms.

[B]

It's over five yards. Five yards.

[C]

Pass interference.

[B]

Oh, But you are. You're a very well put together guy. Italians are tend to be well put together. Okay, if you care about. This is not it. I'm not saying you have to knock.

[C]

I'm on defense.

[B]

I got nothing but love for you.

[C]

I'm on defense because of this.

[A]

Oh, Tommy, stop that.

[B]

Come on. Yeah.

[A]

You wore weird glasses. I'm not gonna make fun of them.

[C]

The Taquito King.

[A]

Good time. Yeah. Taquito King is on my ass about the Taquito thing.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, dude.

[A]

I roll with it. I'm a fat pig.

[B]

That was very Henry Hill. Why you wearing fucked up glasses? I gotta make. No, go down there.

[C]

Go down there.

[A]

Go down there.

[C]

I can't, Henry. I can't.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. What if we sat here the whole time and we said. I didn't say nothing about the glasses. Huh? You heard me.

[C]

You didn't say anything about the glasses.

[A]

What if I did?

[B]

What if we just sat here and acted like you weren't wearing glasses? I like the glass.

[C]

I don't care. Put on your fucking NASA script, you monkey. Yeah, look at the gl. Look at the size of this glass.

[B]

First of all, those things are fine.

[C]

Look at these ant burners.

[A]

Dude, give me the.

[B]

Give me one of those. Dude looks at the glasses. Gockle comb.

[C]

Now give me these.

[B]

Give me these.

[A]

Readers. I bet you they look nice.

[C]

Holy Christmas, Kev.

[B]

Dude, they are smudged arenas.

[A]

It's a little bit of goddess dress.

[C]

You want to see Jupiter's rings?

[A]

No.

[C]

Look through these things.

[A]

They're readers.

[B]

Look at the difference. They're readers. What are you reading on the moon?

[C]

Look at the difference.

[B]

Look at the glass.

[A]

Let me see yours then. Try them on.

[C]

No, no, no, no, no. We're not that close.

[A]

Dude, to wear your glasses.

[C]

You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind. Look at those things.

[A]

I see how it is. Dialects in the world ain't gonna clean that up, Tommy, huh? There you go.

[C]

Hey, Luke, I want to apologize for all the cleanup work you have to do tonight.

[B]

It's a quick turnaround. It's going out tomorrow. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

That boy's doing. He's doing double dies.

[A]

He's fine.

[B]

He's gonna hit me up in two hours. Out of. The files are lost. Yeah. And we're back. And we're back. Hey, Tommy, I got a question for you.

[A]

Don't like my glasses? My mom got these for me for Christmas.

[C]

Oh, yeah?

[B]

Your mom got you a pair of readers?

[A]

Got me six pairs of readers. Because I lose them, I lose you.

[B]

I can't see him.

[C]

That's how. That's how heavy his prescription is. He starts sucking those mongoloid.

[A]

They're readers.

[C]

What are you talking about, readers?

[A]

You don't know what readers are?

[C]

Yeah, they said bifocals, right?

[A]

No, these are the whole things.

[B]

They're, like, not prescription. They're just, like, in hand. They're like. He's got magnifying glasses.

[C]

Yes. What, so I can close.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, the scripture, whatever I'm reading.

[C]

Where'd you get them?

[A]

Huh?

[C]

Where'd you.

[B]

Colonel Sanders? 316.

[C]

It was a Happy Meal. When you order seven. Where'd you get them?

[A]

At the store?

[C]

Well, you.

[B]

You asked me.

[C]

Where'd you get them.

[A]

I don't know where she got them. Oh, I think she got them in McCaffrey's. The grocery store.

[B]

That's a fine establishment.

[C]

That's a good pub.

[B]

Yeah. Great burger, Nickel Wings on Tuesday. Tell them, Tommy.

[C]

I got him at McCaffrey's.

[A]

Is there a McCaffrey's Bar?

[C]

I'm sure. Jesus Christ.

[A]

I don't know. I don't.

[B]

I don't know. I've been to a lot. I mean, definitely. I don't. I don't know. I can't be that good of a one. That good a one. I would have been there. I just had a stroke.

[C]

This whole podcast is a stroke.

[B]

Well, Tommy, that's funny. Yes, because.

[C]

We can cut that, too, Right?

[B]

Dabathy. Man, what a trash name that is. Oh, that's a. That's not a real name.

[A]

Dabathy.

[B]

Dabathy.

[A]

Like dabs? Like doing. Oh, you never hit a dab? You don't like the weed, do you? Nah, not your thing.

[C]

Doesn't work with me.

[A]

Doesn't work with.

[C]

More of a Upper guy.

[A]

Yeah, get up there.

[C]

I'm more of an Upathy. That didn't work.

[A]

No, it was good.

[C]

You want to cut that, too, Kev?

[A]

They're sliding down his face. I love it.

[C]

I hate wearing glasses. It sucks.

[B]

Tommy's eyebrows are wearing his glasses down. You know what?

[C]

What?

[B]

Cut that. And we're back.

[A]

Let me ask you this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's the prognosis with the eye? You just can't wear contacts for a couple of days?

[C]

Yeah, five days.

[A]

Five days.

[C]

I haven't gone to an ophthalmologist.

[B]

Oh, easy does it. We're moving on. Why? I don't know, but there was gonna. You were gonna take a hard left into his religion, I'm sure.

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

No, I gotta go to an ophthalmologist. I gotta see. It's in my cornea. Make sure everything's fine.

[A]

You know, there's an optometrist and an ophthalmologist.

[C]

Ophthalmologist.

[A]

You know the difference in optometrist and an ophthalmologist.

[C]

But it's a butt.

[A]

Main.

[C]

Is it the butt?

[A]

The butt What? Put your glasses back on.

[B]

Take the headphones off.

[C]

Ask me a question.

[A]

Do you know the difference between an ophthalmologist and an optometrist?

[B]

No, he doesn't.

[C]

Is it the butt?

[A]

What?

[C]

Butt? Ask me again.

[A]

Do you know the difference between an ophthalmologist.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And an optometrist?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

What?

[C]

It's the butt.

[A]

That's exactly right.

[C]

That's a good bit. That was a good bet.

[B]

That was a good bit.

[C]

That was a good butt.

[A]

You don't get smart comedy.

[C]

That was a good butt.

[A]

All right.

[B]

My computer just died. You were saying? One's a butt doctor. Yeah, yeah. Oh, what is the.

[A]

What is the.

[B]

Is this a riddle or something?

[A]

I got nothing. I don't know.

[B]

Oh, my God. Forgive me, Father, for I. Foley's gonna be. Foley's gonna be in confession. Forgive me, Father, for I have sin episodes since I told a joke.

[A]

Don't bring me up on this podcast, Father. You're only God.

[C]

That's very funny. All right, let's ask questions.

[B]

Well, my computer just died, so we're gonna have to. We're gonna have to wing it.

[C]

Let's take a break.

[A]

We're back. Whoa. That thing charged pretty quick. That turned right on that.

[B]

Steve Jobs knows what he's doing. And we're back.

[A]

Steve Jobs.

[B]

They got me. Forgive me, Father, for I have bombed.

[A]

Right?

[B]

With three punchlines.

[A]

Yeah, that's what they me on that. They me on that. Tommy, don't Even get me started. That's these. That's the code.

[B]

I.

[A]

It took me a weekend to figure that out.

[C]

Tell me just what happened. No, I'm dead serious.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So they do the great balls of fire. That's what these fucking assholes do. Then they laugh at me because I don't know how to do it.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I was sitting here like a. All weekend. Nobody was in here trying to fucking send one goddamn email.

[C]

Pecking like a pop. Yes, dude, show me what you just did. That was insane.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

It won't work. Were you recording?

[B]

He knows. Yeah. Yeah. So the password. This is Luke. Luke. Luke came up with this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My password. The passwords just to get into the computer, like, not like for like Apple or anything, is just the letters across the bottom. Z through M. So you just go.

[C]

You're telling people your password just to.

[B]

Get into the computer. But so you'd have to have the computer, right?

[A]

Which we do. Tommy.

[B]

Yeah, That's it.

[C]

That's it. So you just go.

[B]

And it pops right up and it opens up.

[A]

But you got to have a touch to get well.

[B]

So. So. So Foley complained. Foley was complaining. He didn't have a camera computer. Meanwhile, the company owns 48 computers, right? Everybody's got six computers. We've got editing computers. We got this computer. New guy's got a computer. This guy's got a computer. I get it.

[C]

You guys are doing well.

[B]

We give him a computer, we get him a computer.

[A]

48'S a stretch.

[C]

Yeah. How many buttons are missing from your computer?

[B]

Dude, I've never seen anything. He handed it to me and.

[C]

The X button is ruined. He had it xxnx.

[B]

He had it for weeks.

[A]

Pornhub, man.

[B]

I open it up and I go to YouTube to, like, look at something, and YouTube's blank. Like, he had never been on it. They had the algorithm, had no information.

[A]

Maybe I clear my searches.

[B]

He had put in. He had input zero information to the computer that YouTube couldn't even suggest a video. It was just black. It was a. What are you into? That's how he had a computer for like a month.

[C]

Select your language.

[B]

Portuguese. Yeah, it was.

[C]

Tell us who scratched your nose.

[A]

You guys ever do that? Sometimes on at the atm. Do you select another language to see.

[B]

How good you are checking your balance 48 times?

[C]

No.

[B]

What's that all about?

[A]

Yeah, who the is checking their balance like that? That. That's the first.

[B]

Look, find out why they do that, because now they all do. I hit. I hit the Mac machine the other day and it hit. Why is it everyone now does that?

[A]

Yeah. You want to check your balance.

[B]

They have to be.

[A]

I want to buy drugs. That's what I want to do.

[B]

Do.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Give me the money.

[C]

Which is. It's more for the drug addicts than anything.

[A]

What?

[C]

Check your balance. No, the check your balance is more drug addict than regular because you have to find out how much you can take out.

[B]

I mean, when I have. No. When I had no money, I had to check. You're constantly checking. I. Checking your balance on your phone before you go to the atm.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They need you to confirm you have enough funds for your requested withdrawal. Preventing overdraft fraud.

[A]

They got it out of here.

[B]

Yeah. Now do you have a thing. Will you. I. Because for the longest time I would just use any atm. I didn't care if it was on like a vacant lot under a street. Do you have like. Will you only use your bet your banks?

[C]

No.

[B]

You're anything. Anything, anything, anything guy.

[C]

Yeah. Jesus Christ. Texaco. Give me $8 fee. I don't give.

[A]

I'm a big seven.

[C]

Wherever I'm at, that's where you're getting.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. If I need cash, I'm not walking around. Yeah.

[A]

I'm a big 7 11. Guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That was in the back by the sodas. You know the cases, they got them lined up.

[B]

See you coming, huh? A couple of impulse.

[C]

Yeah. You can finish one before you get your gash.

[A]

What a hot dog?

[B]

No, no one said that. But yeah, sure. It sounds like that's what's happening.

[C]

I know this is an all your garbage like question, but you ever like walk around chopping, you know, and you. You grab. You grab a drink or something to eat, finish it, discard.

[B]

Did you say. Did you say. You don't know if that isn't. Are you Garbage question.

[A]

I know you know it is.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[C]

It has to be.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Very much so.

[C]

Are you guys already covered this?

[A]

No. Episode 1 Do you do that?

[C]

Sorry. Because that actually I.

[A]

That doesn't strike me as something you would do.

[B]

Now. A bottle of red maybe steal from an airport. A lot of people steal from airports because they say that's.

[C]

Now we're talking.

[B]

Get the headphones. Now we're talking.

[A]

Tommy's got a 747 in his driveway.

[B]

Tommy's got the luggage car.

[C]

It's just a worker. He's in my second bedroom.

[A]

Sir.

[C]

He's just using the wands. I'd like to go home. Not today.

[A]

Keep it. Keep it.

[C]

No, I steal water every Every flight.

[B]

I still water from what? Any store, anything, or just the easiest.

[C]

Hudson.

[B]

You go.

[C]

Hudson can get it.

[B]

Yeah, Hudson all over the place.

[A]

I would love to know what they're.

[C]

Hudson can get it.

[A]

Whatever.

[B]

Oh, yeah, they don't. I mean, they're charging you. They're charging you seven bucks of water so you could steal 80 waters a day and it don't matter.

[C]

Bingo.

[B]

What?

[C]

Thirteen for gummy bears. Suck my dick. I'm stealing water right in front.

[A]

Seems reasonable to me.

[C]

Here's what I do.

[B]

Here's what I do. Here's what he does. Grab a couple waters, bat my eyes at the lady.

[A]

Hey, how you doing?

[C]

And there's security guards. They don't even watch the checkout. So I'll pretend to beep, hit, cancel. Beep, beep, cancel.

[B]

They gotta have the headphones on. Walk out.

[C]

If I get caught a little bit, if someone's got eyes on me, I just sit around and then I walk outside and I'll pretend to talk to whoever I'm with.

[B]

What was that?

[C]

Yeah. Did you want something else?

[B]

Just a. What's that?

[C]

And I'll just keep walking. And if nobody comes at me, we're good. We're gold Gucci still. Two fucking 32 ounce Evian's, baby. He's like fucking $25.

[B]

You go Evian?

[C]

Oh, I go the highest I can get. I don't like every single flight, Kevin.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Every single flight, I steal two of the highest priced waters I could possibly get.

[B]

You know what? International criminal.

[C]

Because the man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Walks around the corner, takes the glasses off, don't even know what's happening.

[B]

He starts. He's not limping anymore. Still in the glasses. They look good. He's jealous.

[A]

No, they look great.

[C]

Yeah, fine.

[A]

You always look great.

[B]

You know that ain't fun with you start with that.

[A]

I always start with that. It's like it's got. Someone's always got to be the bad guy.

[C]

6 Hail Mary zone right now, bro.

[A]

What with you?

[C]

Cut that, Kev. Go ahead, ask a question.

[B]

Dabathy.

[C]

That was like 10 minutes ago.

[B]

And we're back. Is it garbage to be going to a sporting event and supporting your team by wearing just the colors, not any official merch that they sell? For example, wearing a regular orange hoodie at a Flyers game.

[C]

No, I think that's great.

[B]

I mean, it depends on it. I think if you're in there, like a high vis orange hoodie, it looks like you should be doing road work. That's a tough look.

[C]

Well, you know that's why they put the. That the high vis. The colors on these people. It's not because like traffic for the flyers. No, it's not because traffic or flyers.

[B]

It's because the.

[C]

The dumbest people on earth and you have to avoid them. They're violent.

[A]

Okay. What, the people that do this, that do the road work?

[C]

Yeah. You put them in bright colors because they're the most violent people you can ever imagine.

[A]

When you try to run them over.

[C]

They say, yeah, they'll get flipped under the wheels and fight you afterwards. Cut that.

[A]

I got two cases.

[C]

Anyway. Anyway, here's the answer.

[B]

My cans are broken to come back.

[C]

Guys, I'm tired.

[B]

Have you been to a Flyers game recently? We went not that long ago. Big man had never been to one, and we figured we'd go. Very nice. It very gave us, you know, we got to meet Gritty. Whole nine yards.

[C]

You guys met Gritty?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Wow. He's a bit of a celebrity. Yeah, he's on the move.

[A]

And he's sharp, too.

[B]

Dude, he was on the top.

[A]

He makes you feel comfortable.

[B]

And he was.

[C]

What's your problem?

[A]

I mentioned the goddamn hallway, didn't I? Gave you a big hug.

[C]

Yeah. I knew I was in for it.

[A]

Hey, right this way.

[C]

Yeah. Any nice hand when you first walk in, you want to sit upon. She's gonna be a real cunt in the end.

[A]

Who's getting Cinnabon at their ants? That how you would do it?

[C]

We're doing well this year.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I haven't had a Cinnabon.

[B]

Stealing at the airport.

[A]

When's the last time you had a Cinnabon? I'll check back next week, folks. Flyers are up. Do nothing. Look at him staring into the camera.

[C]

Keep it. Keep it.

[A]

Punk.

[B]

Snot nose.

[C]

Brett, when's the last time I was at a Flyers game?

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's a great question, Tom.

[A]

Ask me that.

[B]

Tommy just asked himself a question.

[A]

That's a good question, Tommy.

[B]

Thanks for asking. Thanks for stopping by.

[C]

Two years ago.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, they're a good time. There's a certain level of trash at a weeknight Flyers game that you don't get at any other. Dude. There's a. There's a level of female trash.

[A]

How about those dancers?

[C]

Female specific.

[B]

Yeah, female specific trash in like a bootleg Flyers. You know what it is?

[C]

The women. You ever been to Montana?

[A]

No.

[B]

Montana.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Anywhere in the Midwest or not in the Midwest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes, I know we've been in the Midwest. I know what you mean. Tommy, stay with me.

[B]

A Lot of girls who look like they have long johns on under their jeans.

[C]

They're like Russians just getting an Eminem cd. Right? They're way behind the trends. So the hot ladies, these old bats coming from Doylestown or some dog you.

[B]

Just named my mother Bethlehem. Yeah. No one's coming from a Wednesday night game.

[C]

Yes, they were.

[A]

Yeah, they are.

[B]

They were two hours nothing.

[C]

They wear bedazzled jeans that you would see 15 years ago on a boardwalk. It's crazy. And they get their hair all permed out. They smell like trying to blow.

[B]

Trying to blow. Gritty.

[C]

Yeah, they're trying to suck gritty stick. And I want to say, guys, congrats on meeting Grady.

[B]

Thank you. As a big. As a big. Yeah, it's a big.

[A]

He welcomes you and he's doing his thing. Puts his arms around.

[C]

Would you do this to him?

[B]

Forgive me. Gritty.

[C]

You guys did at the same time and I like that.

[B]

How you doing? I like synergy.

[A]

Talk about the dancers.

[B]

Yeah. So this is what. Okay, see, so this is something that. You know.

[A]

I never seen this.

[B]

The energy level, obviously. The energy level at a Flyers, at an NHL games.

[A]

They got more hop rods working that.

[B]

I mean, this guy's got on the brain.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What are you talking about? Oh, man, It's a ice rink. Yeah. Not gonna have some hots.

[B]

Easy.

[C]

Yeah, see, I held. I held.

[B]

No cut.

[C]

No cut. Saved you 20 minutes.

[A]

They got the girls down there skating, Tommy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Then they have girls coming, the ice ladies who come in, they. They follow the zamboni and pick up the snow that's created.

[A]

They're beautiful.

[B]

They're hopper.

[A]

Then they got cheerleaders that come out every time they switch lines.

[B]

They got cheerleaders the whole game, just right next to you. We were oogling them and they switch every.

[C]

You know, horny boys, you get all horned up.

[B]

Whoa, hey, I'm a married man.

[C]

Of course you are. That's why you're a horny boy. No, you get nuts where the.

[B]

Working overtime.

[C]

You get nuts for a 23 year old holding a shovel.

[B]

Yeah, I guess so. Picking up scraps. Hey, that's. The blue collar in me is more disheveled than a 23 year old scraps.

[C]

From a professional hockey player.

[A]

Trying to get her to hold the.

[B]

Post hole bigger, but she wouldn't. You ever see a broad and a hard hat? Let me tell you. Yeah.

[C]

The Taquito Kings drooling all over your fucking shoulder. You're staring at some 23 year old dingbat from fucking Temple University.

[B]

Hey, that's a good university. And every. Not everybody graduates on time, honey. You take your time to find yourself.

[C]

The fuck out of here. Tell those ice to get the out.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

Where'd you go? Drexel.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, that's the Philadelphia is your proving ground.

[B]

I know.

[A]

That's your Los Alamos.

[C]

I'm making fun of ice Alamos, where.

[A]

They tested the atomic bomb. So they attested the atomic Dom. You don't say.

[B]

Look, I'll just talk to you.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

You can't nothing on that. Hey, don't glorify ice.

[A]

I'm sorry. Tommy did well in Philly.

[B]

They're ice, unlike you. I don't know why you're not keep the ice picks. Of course. Of course. We got our nuts going on right now. I got you. Don't worry.

[C]

They're not even talking.

[A]

Fighting with each other.

[C]

You just talk to each other. Yeah, just you and I And then ice picks.

[B]

Ice pigs.

[C]

Ice pigs and air pigs. That's what I call stewardesses.

[A]

Ice picks.

[C]

Air pigs.

[B]

What?

[A]

Air pigs. Oh, air pigs.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Horniest. Horniest bunch a lot, Stewart.

[B]

Well, you got that much cologne on you? Yeah.

[C]

Oh, now you don't like my cologne?

[B]

Starting to give me a headache.

[A]

Bartender, he's at a Gatorade too.

[C]

Another round for my men. Sorry. Okay, let's do another question.

[B]

Get a NyQuil for him.

[A]

Should we get started?

[C]

Yeah. Fired up.

[B]

Dude, a great question. Dabathy. Mm.

[A]

I was always big on that.

[B]

On what?

[A]

We never got the. We never got the, you know, the.

[B]

License, the official merch. It was harder to come by back in the day.

[A]

Well, we never got it anyway. It was a green hoodie. It was a maroon pair of sweatpants or something like that.

[B]

Who were you rooting for in the maroon sweatpants? The red sillies. Oh, yeah.

[A]

80S. What would have pinstripes back then?

[B]

Maroon.

[C]

Maroon. Run it down here.

[B]

Like. What do you mean maroon?

[A]

Maroon. The red. That's maroon.

[C]

We're talking about the Eagles and Flyers.

[B]

He was saying he had maroon for the Philly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also you and his pair of maroons trying to hide a boner at 10 years.

[C]

I wasn't even thinking about the Phillies.

[A]

Yeah. Tight as.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I had a real maroon right as. And had the three. Three stripes going down.

[B]

It was.

[C]

It's all your veins.

[A]

I was lifting. Yeah, it's bad. And it was the kind of sweatpants that didn't have bottoms at the bottom.

[B]

That was good and bad sweatpants, like a pair of styles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, yeah.

[A]

Pleated sweatpants.

[C]

Four man mill.

[A]

I wore them one time and this fat kid sat on me at school.

[B]

There's a kid fat. Fatter than he was.

[A]

He's big boy.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Yeah. I've told you this. They poured chocolate.

[C]

I've seen Jupiter sit on the moon.

[A]

Talk about retrograde, huh? You got that right.

[C]

Nice cut that.

[A]

No. What are you crazy?

[B]

That's all I got.

[C]

Luke, get me a drink.

[B]

Because.

[C]

Where's that cannoli?

[B]

You. You guys. You guys are a little older. Those sweatpants wearing, they be got. They got not cool. The ones with the cinch at the.

[A]

Bottom, they weren't cool then. Fat guys were sitting on me. I was closing ass in these things. I'm saying I took my licks in too. I wasn't speeding away in an Irock with some hairdresser. I was getting bullied by the other fat kid in school. You know how bad it's got to be?

[B]

That sucks, dude.

[A]

Yeah, we had to take turns bullying each other.

[B]

Flicking each other's bird. Eventually playing doctor in the woods.

[A]

Hey, your cholesterol's high. Your cholesterol's high. Jerk me over here and shut up.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

What a good man.

[B]

Thanks, D. Thank you, Diesel.

[C]

Thank you, Ravioli. I like that kid.

[A]

That's the best.

[B]

He's a grown man. He's got a beard.

[A]

A hog on him too. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Italian. Yeah.

[A]

Stay. I'm supposed to be a little Italian in me. Ain't down there, I'll tell you.

[B]

You're hanging out with Tommy and you.

[C]

Might supposed to be. What'd you do with dog DNA?

[A]

What do you mean supposed to be?

[B]

I got worms. I thought. I thought I was Italian. Turns out I'm a super mutt with worms.

[A]

Husky twice.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[A]

So orange sweatshirts, huh?

[B]

Yeah. No. Where? I agree.

[C]

Wear colors that are close.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

Clip that.

[C]

We're good, everybody. You don't have. You know, some people don't have beans, of course.

[B]

To buy this.

[A]

Expensive too.

[B]

It's also like they got like very stylish. We haven't been in a while. That store we were looking in was like very like. It was like gear to wear. Not to a game. It's like gear to wear. Yeah. To work. Yeah.

[A]

Gear to wear. That'd be a pretty good store. Gear to wear.

[B]

There was a. There was that.

[A]

Gear to wear. No gear. Wait, wait.

[C]

You're so frustrated. I'm sorry.

[B]

No, not at all.

[A]

Yeah, he's the one that said it. Weird So I thought it rhymed, but gear to wear doesn't rhyme. Okay, nobody. He's still going.

[C]

He's still going.

[A]

Hey, I'm trying to come up with ideas here.

[C]

Hence the pen in your hand.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You're not writing shit.

[A]

Yeah, I've been writing a lot.

[B]

You have paper in front of you, huh?

[A]

What I write on my thing. It's a micro pen.

[B]

The micro penis.

[C]

Hey, keep that.

[A]

That's Irish.

[C]

Okay. Keep that bomb.

[A]

I don't know why I like having it in my hand.

[B]

That would. Luke, hit it with laughter.

[C]

What? Hulu special.

[B]

Keep this.

[A]

Tommy's got rabies.

[C]

Luke.

[B]

I'm now onto my second page of edits. That's just crazy. It's just so crazy to turn around for tomorrow.

[A]

That's a couple of snips.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Gives a shit.

[A]

Tommy will do it with you.

[C]

Cut that.

[B]

Got it. And we're back. Oh, my God. Dabathy. What a great question.

[A]

It's Italian for cookie.

[B]

All right, let's see. This one's from Mr. Gambini. Alabama Ute Law, $10 allowance funder here. I've never thought of this. This is about my family specifically. It feels very Philly trash. Are you garbage? You have siblings with similar names? My mom is Denise, and I have an Uncle Den, which would be Dennis. So there's a Dennis and Denise. Yeah. That's similar to, like, having a Daniel, a Danielle and a Daniel.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Which I never picked up. But, yeah, that's real fucking trash.

[A]

A lot of families do all K's or like all.

[B]

Something like that, you know, I have, like, I've.

[A]

Kathy, Chris.

[B]

I love how you name Chris. Is predominantly a C. The Kardashians are like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Nice ladies.

[C]

100%.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

It's garbage.

[B]

Yeah. It took me, took us doing the show to. I said my cousin Kevin, and you were like, you. I have. There's two Kevin's at the cousin level.

[C]

Of my six names, where we're from.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

There's like six or seven names.

[B]

True.

[C]

So I like female and male. There's like. Pick something different.

[A]

Give them to me.

[C]

Yeah. Give me Joe, Brigid, Tommy, Tommy, Johnny.

[B]

Johnny, Frank, Michael, Mike. It's All Saints, Chris, Peter, Pete, Paul, Gabriel.

[C]

No.

[B]

Jesus.

[C]

The fuck out of here.

[B]

Gabriel.

[C]

Look at this guy. You in confession again? He said, gabriel, how many Gabriel's you know?

[A]

I know a couple.

[C]

You know a couple. Gabriel.

[B]

Gabriel Iglesias. You know Gabriel? I do.

[C]

And we're talking friends in Philly.

[A]

We're boys.

[C]

How many Gabriels you know?

[A]

Saint Gabriel's the bad.

[C]

Jesus Christ, Foley. Stay focused. We're talking about.

[B]

You know. You're jammed up when he's telling you to stay focused.

[A]

Yikes.

[B]

Get on the concerta.

[A]

Paul's a name everybody has.

[B]

We already said Paul, Peter, Mary.

[C]

I can't, dude.

[B]

I'm trying.

[C]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Huh?

[C]

Are you.

[B]

What do you mean?

[C]

You're not being a good captain right now.

[A]

Yeah, no.

[B]

Fighting a two front war. This one's good. Is it garbage to share one chip clip on multiple bags? Oh, yeah, That's a real derpy. I was. I always thought, save the show.

[C]

Hold on. I'm gonna take this off. Foley's got this. Go ahead, babe.

[B]

That was always classy to me. What?

[A]

Sharon? Chip clips?

[B]

Yeah, because they were all very done in order, and it was like all your chips are in the same place. Also. Trash.

[A]

I like it.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Take the whole thing, bring it over to the.

[B]

Take it up to your bedroom. You and the other fat kid can eat it up there.

[A]

You leave Paul alone. His name was Paul.

[B]

I believe you.

[A]

Good kid.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Doing a little time right now.

[B]

Paul is.

[A]

Hey, Mr. Pope's falling asleep in class.

[B]

Yeah, four scotches will do that. I can Breaking my balls. This guy's drinking brown liquor during the day.

[A]

Are you gonna shave that? You have to shave it from the thing. I don't remember you having a beard like that last season.

[C]

Look it up.

[A]

All right. Check it out. IMBD International Movie Database. Is that what it's called?

[B]

That's when the satellites connect. All right, I think we gotta wrap it up.

[C]

No, we don't.

[A]

What?

[C]

No, we don't.

[A]

Having a good time. Kevin.

[C]

Let's get to the real garbage.

[A]

Come on, Tommy. It's over.

[C]

It's not over. I'm not leaving you guys. I haven't seen you in a while. I'm having fun.

[B]

Tell your face.

[C]

That's true, though, Luke. I feel like. I feel like I look like I'm having fun.

[A]

We're having a good time. What do you mean? We're just all over the top, dude.

[B]

Keep.

[C]

Keep me in just a freeze frame like this.

[A]

Everybody quit screwing around. We're having a good time.

[C]

We're having a great time.

[A]

Yes. Kevin.

[C]

Kev. What's your problem?

[B]

Huh?

[C]

What? Are you happy?

[B]

Yeah, that's your problem.

[A]

Give me a goddamn drink.

[B]

Baby.

[C]

Beautiful wife, a dog. That's your beautiful family. Me and Foley over here.

[A]

Nothing.

[C]

Trying to have a good podcast and get real nuts about. Read a question that we don't want to answer.

[B]

I've been doing that. I don't know if you've picked up.

[C]

Do it again.

[A]

I think that whiskey might be. Do it again.

[B]

What?

[A]

You said, I think that whiskey might be a. This guy's all jacked up on Tyx Gang. We love you to death, Tommy. We love you.

[B]

We got to wrap it up, everybody. Peace. No.