Enter The Matrix w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Enter The Matrix" Episode of Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Release Date: July 28, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

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Introduction

In the episode titled "Enter The Matrix," comedians Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dive into their signature comedic banter, exploring a blend of nostalgic reminiscences, humorous anecdotes, and light-hearted debates. The episode maintains the show's comedic essence, assessing everyday scenarios through the lens of their "garbage" persona.

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Opening Banter and Personal Updates (00:00 - 02:50)

The hosts kick off the episode with playful teasing and updates about their podcast's reach. H. Foley humorously mispronounces "Deauville" as "Deaville," setting a jovial tone.

• H. Foley (00:54): "Mike Hoes is coming at you from across the table is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies."

Kevin proudly shares their podcast's rankings, debating numbers with H. Foley.

• Kevin Ryan (01:24): "Shout out to the homies. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on friggin Spotify."
• H. Foley (02:16): "Keep it moving."

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Nostalgia and Grooming Products (04:03 - 19:47)

The conversation shifts to nostalgic memories, particularly focusing on grooming products from the past. The hosts reminisce about using products like Oxy pads and Clearasil, sharing humorous takes on their effectiveness and sensory experiences.

• H. Foley (05:15): "That's called escapism. According to my big man's living in an escape room."
• Kevin Ryan (08:20): "She'd always peel off the top of it and then put it on."

They discuss the evolution of grooming trends, contrasting the early '90s with modern-day products, often highlighting the absurdity and over-the-top nature of past routines.

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Karate and Self-Defense (14:00 - 23:28)

A significant portion of the episode delves into the topic of karate and self-defense. Kevin and H. Foley debate the effectiveness of karate, sharing personal experiences and fictional scenarios inspired by Star Trek and The Matrix.

• H. Foley (06:37): "The Kobayashi Maru is the test you get at the Starfleet Academy which is unbeatable."
• Kevin Ryan (14:31): "I'm hollow."

They humorously explore the idea of teaching karate to kids and the practicality of martial arts in real-life situations, intertwining pop culture references for comedic effect.

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Audience Questions and "Garbage" Test (25:06 - 38:54)

The episode features audience-submitted questions, assessing whether certain actions qualify as "garbage." Topics range from microwaving frozen lasagna in the office to manipulating resumes with fake karate belts.

• Victor Mendoza (41:46): "Are you garbage if your parent made you try to sleep off a broken bone?"
• Kevin Ryan (39:54): "I'm telling you. I understand what you're saying."

The hosts provide humorous verdicts on each scenario, often exaggerating the consequences to emphasize their comedic stance on what constitutes "garbage" behavior.

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Comedic Anecdotes and Personal Stories (38:55 - 57:29)

Kevin shares a personal story about breaking his wrist rollerblading home from street hockey, detailing his mother's unconventional method of handling injuries.

• Kevin Ryan (40:06): "He built a goddamn apartment. I like it, but I respect."

H. Foley contributes by recalling his own experiences with medical treatments and family dynamics, adding depth to the conversation through relatable humor.

• H. Foley (48:34): "She'd sit there underneath the. Out in the corner of the couch under a."

Their storytelling is interspersed with playful interruptions, creating a dynamic and engaging narrative flow.

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School Memories and Embarrassing Moments (57:03 - 63:22)

The hosts reminisce about school days, discussing embarrassing moments like stepping in dog feces and the challenges of navigating middle school fashion trends.

• Kevin Ryan (59:28): "Is it garbage or grow up with your uncle living in the garage in your backyard?"
• H. Foley (60:50): "They always say that you got to watch that."

These segments are filled with exaggerated reactions and humorous takes on common schoolyard mishaps, resonating with listeners' own experiences.

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Closing Remarks and Live Show Shout-Outs (63:22 - 64:41)

As the episode wraps up, Kevin and H. Foley encourage listeners to engage with their live shows and support the podcast through merchandise and tickets.

• H. Foley (64:41): "We love you to death. Go to the website, grab a couple of T-shirts if you want. Couple of tickets. Come out and see the boys."

They conclude with a warm farewell, reinforcing their connection with the audience and promoting upcoming events.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• H. Foley (00:00): "The fat one fell in a retaining pond. You believe that?"
  [00:00]

• Kevin Ryan (14:47): "I'm big proponent of lying on any sort of documentation to achieve something."
  [23:20]

• Kevin Ryan (39:54): "He built a goddamn apartment. I like it, but I respect."
  [40:06]

• H. Foley (57:03): "He run out the front door. Because you're not allowed to leave once you're at school. You can't leave."
  [51:43]

• H. Foley (64:41): "What a fun one, gang. We love you to death."
  [64:41]

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Conclusion

"Enter The Matrix" delivers a hearty dose of humor intertwined with personal stories and relatable experiences. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley effectively engage their audience by blending nostalgia with contemporary issues, all while maintaining the show's playful critique of everyday "garbage" behaviors. Listeners are left entertained and eager for more comedic insights in future episodes.

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Connect with Are You Garbage? Podcast:

• Website: www.areyougarbagepodcast.com
• YouTube: Full episode available
• Spotify: Listen on Spotify

Support the hosts by subscribing and joining their Patreon for exclusive content and interactive segments.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

The fat one fell in a retaining pond. You believe that? Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite part podcast. This is R U Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah, it's that little show.

[H. Foley]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that after growth to be classy. Yeah. After just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trash, trash, trash.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful summer day. We're out back here at Tody's in a new edition. She's on her way down to Strathmere.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Doing a little competitive eating over there at the De Ville Inn d' youville chicken wing contest.

[Kevin Ryan]

Deaville. It's the goddamn Deauville.

[H. Foley]

Okay, whatever. Mike Hoes is coming at you from across the table is what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. He is the prince of the pie, the sultan of the slice, the flatbread freak. But homeowner, new father.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought you were going to leave with something else. If I was being honest with you.

[H. Foley]

Future you soccer coach of the year. I'm talking about the king of the burbs, everybody. King give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, thank you very much. Thank you very much, Bug man. Much appreciated. Shout out to the homies. Shout out to the everybody for toning. The homies, the bozos. God damn everybody. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on friggin Spotify, which I gotta be honest with you, what were the numbers you hit me with the other day?

[H. Foley]

Numbers the other day were big man's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big man's in charge of the numbers now.

[H. Foley]

Top, top 200, I think. 130. 138 on all podcasts.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said 100.

[H. Foley]

I love 138.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're juicing a number.

[H. Foley]

Comedy podcast. Number 38. Top 50. Not bad, not bad. Climbing a chart.

[Kevin Ryan]

Top 40.

[H. Foley]

Get Dick Clark on the phone, huh? We're gonna be doing Top of the Pops in a couple of weeks. Sitting down with that Graham Norton, shooting the. Getting a little anecdote from Harrison Ford, wearing a nice suit, having a spritz, calling him Harry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Harry. You know what I'm talking about.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Indy, take it easy.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. all you garbage, you go over there, you get all that Freaking bonus content gang. You become a ten, ten dollar homie.

[H. Foley]

Fun time over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get two a week. You got hard feelings, which. Listen everyone, if you're in, you're in a real VIP section. It's over there at the $10 level.

[H. Foley]

So the cheek meat hits the road sliding across the highway.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's the real feel over there. You get it. You get behind the scenes. Behind, behind, behind this man.

[H. Foley]

You want to know what the real barometric pressure is? Get over that hard feeling. Studio over there in icebox. Before we get the show started, let's take a cruise by the old corner office. Oh, say what's up to that Luki Patuki, New guy Luke of the Dempsey Group over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello boys. Let's see what's in the inbox. See what?

[H. Foley]

The outgoing mail. Look at you. What are we in the second third quarter of the year here, huh? What are the, what are the, the projections looking like?

[Kevin Ryan]

Projections are looking good. Ethereum's up, Bitcoin's up.

[H. Foley]

Keeps his eye on the market.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mad Mike Kramer, mad money over here.

[H. Foley]

He's banging something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sell, sell, sell. That guy's a quack.

[H. Foley]

That guy's a nutball. I used to love him back in the day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, when he hit dude, he'd be losing it. Oh yeah.

[H. Foley]

Damn. Take it easy, man. It's three o'. Clock.

[Kevin Ryan]

The on my Smith break screaming at me.

[H. Foley]

Speaking of throwing back, before we get the show started, I came across something in my medicine chest. Ok. Medicine chest, Is that what it's called? Yeah, medicine chest. No, medicine cabinet cabinet.

[Kevin Ryan]

A chest would be standalone.

[H. Foley]

I got one of those.

[Kevin Ryan]

A lot of doomies. A lot of doomsday school buses in there.

[H. Foley]

That's where I parked my bus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Call that the bus depot?

[H. Foley]

Called out the car wash. So I can keep the school buses. Do a little fucking Chinese fire drill.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

You ever do that at the lake? Do a little Chinese fire drill?

[Kevin Ryan]

We did it at. We tried it once.

[H. Foley]

You run it from the feds?

[Kevin Ryan]

We tried it once. Train stop. Like a train crossing.

[H. Foley]

Did you pull onto the tracks?

[Kevin Ryan]

Why is that? First of all, that's not a thing. What?

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we did it at like a. Yeah, we were stopped for a train or whatever.

[H. Foley]

As a family or friends?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think both.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I remember doing it with my parents. Yeah, that is garbage. In fact, the car was on fire. Everybody man for himself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your mom's topless.

[H. Foley]

Throw my debt out, hummy. Anyway, I came across this in the back of the old medicine cabinet, which really brought me back to around this Time of year as you know. I love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Young kid, you're a big in the past guy. Cause the present ain't great.

[H. Foley]

That's called escapism. According to my big man's living in an escape room. Can't find it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Welcome to the Bugman escape room.

[H. Foley]

No way out except back in time. It's like the Kobayashi Maru. You can't win the what? Deep cut. Keep it moving.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't ask no questions.

[H. Foley]

That's right. You start. Trek fans out there which I've been getting knee deep into.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds Asian.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Kobayashi.

[H. Foley]

Kobayashi Maru is the guy that hit on my poems.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to the black widow. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

The doctor in charge of Fukushima fucked everything up. Listen. Watch the tuna.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's watching you keep Atlantic salmon.

[H. Foley]

The Kobayashi Maru is the test you get at the Starfleet Academy which is unbeatable. The only one to ever beat it was Captain James Tiberius Kirk who went in. Who failed it then went in and then asked to take it again. Went in the night before, rigged the game and won. And was. Was, was. Was famous for doing was an unbeatable scenario.

[Kevin Ryan]

They didn't beat it.

[H. Foley]

He cheated to beat it. That's the only way to beat it. That's how Captain Kirk does it. And closes a couple of alien ass gets the hell out of there.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's a. I did all right. This guy's a scammer. I didn't know that.

[H. Foley]

Not what. Dare you.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Hey. Enough with your 1970s television show.

[H. Foley]

It's new. The ones with Chris Pine. Good stuff. Fair enough. Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

Henry.

[H. Foley]

Let me take everybody back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh wait. Should I look yet?

[H. Foley]

To the summer. Go ahead. To the summer in the 1990s. Man, if you knew a young lady that was using that. The whole bathroom smelled like it. Man, that really cleaned the pores out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sayin. I thought that was for nether regions.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

No wonder you like to smell.

[H. Foley]

You got acne on your taint. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

You know that I know. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That's the year that that. Okay. All the products that. That everyone's using now. Whether it's your sugar, scrub your salt, scrub your Marula oil, whatever you're using, your under eye cream, whatever the ladies are doing. This is what the broads in the early 90s had. And that's all you got. You got that and a little herbal essence. You got to make it work.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember tugging my root to that moisturizer, that conditioner.

[H. Foley]

Just sitting there smelling a bottle of shoe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, I would get turned on when I smelled it.

[H. Foley]

Can I say this?

[Kevin Ryan]

I would wail on myself and I be like, pavlovian response. I'd be walking down the shampoo aisle at the Acme and I catch a whiff of that. Next thing you know, I got a hard on you could hang from.

[H. Foley]

Start getting sleepy by the time I got to the dinner rolls. Can I say this?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You know, I'm an old man and you don't really notice that that much anymore. What A woman's. The way a woman's hair smells as much as it did back in the day. Remember? Like a girl would get on like the bus in high school and the whole like the. The whole bus would smell like it. It would just smell like.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't want to. I'm not trying to. Trying to cut now. I don't. I don't remember that.

[H. Foley]

You don't remember that.

[Kevin Ryan]

The whole bottle. That's too much product. The whole bus smells.

[H. Foley]

Thought it was nice in the summer, you know. You know, towards the end.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying it doesn't, but I. You know, the whole bus.

[H. Foley]

Whole bus. What I say?

[Kevin Ryan]

You heard me. A bold brick. Yeah, no, I don't know. I'm also. I'm not bumping into that many broads anymore. You.

[H. Foley]

True, true.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm a one man band, of course.

[H. Foley]

Does your wife's hair smell good?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I miss that. Yeah. I mean, hot chicks, their hair used to smell really good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would argue hot chicks hair probably smells better than ever, if I had to guess. I mean, you know, not around hot chicks no more. Not that I was around hot chicks previous course. I met one and I tell you.

[H. Foley]

What I don't mind, you know, I like. Is that dry shampoo the ladies are using?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't get that either. There's a lot of stuff.

[H. Foley]

I started using it though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm a bar of soap, man. And I'm a Pantene pro V. When I do wash my hair, I got.

[H. Foley]

Be careful I don't wash it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all. I use everything else. I don't know. I don't know nothing about nothing. I want. I was the oxy, not Oxiclean.

[H. Foley]

My face disappears. Talking about Clearasil.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the pad, the circles, man.

[H. Foley]

Not Oxiclean.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those things.

[H. Foley]

Oxy. Oxy pads.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they were oxy pads.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah. No, those are Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got? Oxy.

[H. Foley]

Those are the butterflies. The butterfly wings.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, these were the circle. The oxy pads. Yeah. That you would.

[H. Foley]

Man.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. I remember I found them.

[H. Foley]

We were a Noxzema family. That shit fucking stung.

[Kevin Ryan]

Noxzema.

[H. Foley]

I tried to pull it one time with that shit. Holy fuck. Like a night in a gulag. Chirping over the peppermint Patty.

[Kevin Ryan]

Getting stuck in a Chinese finger trap. I what I remember, Mike. My. What do you have there? It's just oxy pads. Really up did their.

[H. Foley]

Fuck is that?

[Kevin Ryan]

They still do the pad. No one ever talks about.

[H. Foley]

Monster energy drink.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take those over more now.

[H. Foley]

I tell you what, with those things, though, you would do them and you would see that dirt on your face. You knew it was what.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. And every time I watch my. I go, I wish I didn't know. Listen, I got. I'm getting back on these.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I'm getting them too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were the soap. You go, oh, okay, I'm clean now. Yeah, because you see it stop working.

[H. Foley]

The pores.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Now they have those borosil pads, whatever they're called. The things you put over your nose and you pull the blackheads out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, those are great.

[H. Foley]

What are they called? Borosil?

[Kevin Ryan]

Clearacil.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Either way, those are all right.

[H. Foley]

Boresan. No, I don't know what it is. That stuff. Bior. That's what I'm thinking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, Bior.

[H. Foley]

Bjor. Fucking beat it. Let me that. I don't like that marketing. Somebody called him up. Get that straightened out. That looks like you're selling me percodles.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? The oxy. It does look like oxy. A bunch of guys scratching, waiting in line.

[H. Foley]

Pretty itch.

[Kevin Ryan]

I took four remain. They ain't working.

[H. Foley]

There it is. Nothing smells like that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you apricot scrub. It had like. It was the first time that had that I ever used something that had like the little whatever those.

[Kevin Ryan]

The little beads in it, the exfoliators.

[H. Foley]

Rubber. Yeah, they were nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, you were dyed. A little bit of cage. Someone had those. That. The big thing for us was the broads would get in the bath and body works like spritzers. They were like.

[H. Foley]

They were hot for a while, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like. There was like a cherry one.

[H. Foley]

They would have one. They would have them in baskets. In basket. Not bed bath. And me on bath and body work. Everybody got into that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was bad. That took over the mall. Like fucking nothing you would believe.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that and the shirts. That's that clamped together down the bottom. What? You know I'm talking about the onesies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bit of a freak, aren't you? Huh? Is that what you're into?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Jennifer Aniston used to wear them all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

The body. My wife will throw one on from time to time. Luke got that? Yeah, I do catch that whenever I forget that, you know, she'll watch from time to time.

[H. Foley]

Watch what?

[Kevin Ryan]

The program.

[H. Foley]

The hell.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me and my oxies. And she'll be like. And I'll forget I'm in. I'm in the zone. In the riffing zone here. I'll let something fly. Nothing. Always protect the innocent. But I'll make a joke. Course, man. And she'll be. She'll say something to me. I'm like, that is a deep cut. I didn't think. I'm like, oh, you listen. You made it 53 minutes. Because I think maybe she'll listen to 10 minutes, get bored. She's sick of me. She's sick of you. She's sick of both of us.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I figure, like, I'm deep enough in the episode, I can let something go. And then she hits me with it and I go, okay, so you're on a bit. You're a ten dollar amendment little freak. But all that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hand. As you know. When you join the Patreon, you get to ask your garbage question with king.

[H. Foley]

Of the burbs, Kevin Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Dom. King of the burbs.

[H. Foley]

King of the father of the year.

[Kevin Ryan]

Flatbread freak.

[H. Foley]

The Flatbread Freak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a lot of names.

[H. Foley]

The Pizza Maker. That's what we'll call. If you were in the Matrix, that's what you'd be called. Pizza maker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something bad.

[H. Foley]

I'd have to go and see you. I'd be Neo, obviously.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cheating on a test or something.

[H. Foley]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're like Spock.

[H. Foley]

Huh? Huh? Spock.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kirk.

[H. Foley]

Kirk. Listen, I said Matrix.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I know. Hey.

[H. Foley]

Those two universes do not exist together.

[Kevin Ryan]

And neither does one you're currently living in. Does not intersect with reality at any given time.

[H. Foley]

I am not an Earth 616. You're another deep cut.

[Kevin Ryan]

You aren't another plane, my friend. Fourth, maybe fifth dimension.

[H. Foley]

The round dimension. I had a question for you. Who wins in a fight, me or you? I'm out of shape. You got no bone density right now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kid's bad.

[H. Foley]

Got half a liver over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm hollow.

[H. Foley]

You gonna get off the juice and get on the tee? Start pumping iron. If you got yoked up, that'd be pretty funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want these. I want the bill. Goldberg. Goldberg. Fucking muscles. I'm wearing a neck roll.

[H. Foley]

In the 80s take you out, crush a can.

[Kevin Ryan]

As you know, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. When you join the old patrion A, you get a chance to ask your garbage question on the air.

[H. Foley]

Yes, sir.

[Kevin Ryan]

And shout out to the homie, they know what they're doing. They know how to write a funny, funny garbage question. This one's from Jose. Ten dollar homie had one red already. How you darn is it garbage if you put a karate belt color on your resume? In the other skills category, had a homie put down both to show his discipline slash perseverance. And he never took karate before. That's how you pass a test. That's how you do it. That is amazing. That's one thing they can't check. They can't be like, here's, you know, break these boards, specialist. I just happen to have a stack of cinder blocks.

[H. Foley]

That'd be a real dickhead, boss. You go when he's in a kimono, whatever that is. So I hear you're a blue belt, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, that's the problem. If they are into karate, break the.

[H. Foley]

Conference table in half.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then you gotta talk shop with them.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, then you gotta talk shop and.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'S how they get you.

[H. Foley]

Could you fake that?

[Kevin Ryan]

What, karate?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. If you lied and said that you were. That you. That you were a green belt, that's fine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brown belts right below black. So you got to know what you're doing. I would be like, well, I think my biggest weakness is. Yeah, I strike when you least expect it.

[H. Foley]

I'm a throat chop man. Throat chop specialist. Would you be able to bullshit it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, what are they? I mean, what would you ask me?

[H. Foley]

What do you call the. What do you call the place where they work out in a dojo? What do they call the mat? Is it a mat? I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Matt, I don't know my ghee.

[H. Foley]

What's a ghee? The butter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talking about that kid.

[H. Foley]

I thought it was a kimono.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, kimonos are what hot broads or wishy washies wear. Really? A gi or karate? Oh, I'm told.

[H. Foley]

I always go to the Russian ones.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're wearing a burlap sack, a lot of calluses.

[H. Foley]

Okay, let's talk about Cash App.

[Kevin Ryan]

Baby. Shout out to K Shape.

[H. Foley]

I know, with the big dog. Shout out to Cash out sponsor on the show gang. Sending money can be easy.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you want using Cash App.

[H. Foley]

That's right. If you use Cash App. Do yourself a favor, get over to Cash app. Send that out, baby. You don't got to worry about it. They're not asking you 15,000 questions or anything like that. What's going on? What's the deal with this first job? Forget about it. Do yourself a favor. Use Cash App when you want to send money quick and easy.

[Kevin Ryan]

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[H. Foley]

Okay, let's talk about factor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to factor.

[H. Foley]

You've never had factor. You don't know factor.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been using factor for about three or four years.

[H. Foley]

Let me tell you something right now. These goddamn things are delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. They're so good. Shredded chicken taco bowl. You have my heart.

[H. Foley]

Those guys know their way around mashed cauliflower like nobody has I've ever seen in my life. Gang, do yourself a favor. School's gonna start back up soon. The kids are going to be running around. You're gonna have sporting things to get to. You're gonna have Johnny's recital. You're gonna have all this stuff to do. You're a single gal, single guy. You're gonna want to be mixing it up in your lightweight jacket. I know. Don't at the bar. Do yourself a favor. Stay eating nutritious. Stay eating delicious. With factor, you throw them in the microwave two minutes or you want to be fancy like Kippy, you pop them open, you throw it in a skillet, get it cooking up, throw it on A plate real nice. Number one, ready to eat meals in America.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Fresh, never frozen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Choose from a wider selection of weekly meal options, including premium seafood choices like salmon and shrimp at no extra cost. If you're doing GLP1, how you down? They got friendly meals for new Mediterranean. Mediterranean diet options packed with protein and good for you fats. Savor global flavors. Got Asian inspired meals with bold flavors by China, Thailand and more, buddy, they're killing it.

[H. Foley]

They are.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eat smart@factor meals.com garbage50 off and use code garbage50 off to get 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. That is a lot of turkey. That's code garbage50OFF@Factor Meals.com for 50% off plus free shipping. Get delicious ready to eat meals. Ready to eat meals delivered to your door with factor. Do it. The ghee.

[H. Foley]

That's your karate ghee?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, I mean, I. Listen, I would. I would go. I would put it. This is how I would play it. I put it on my resume.

[H. Foley]

Kevin, it says here that you're a blue belt in karate. You study with Tiger Shulman, the Jewish that say which. Is there an actual Tiger Shulman? There's no way his first name was Tiger and his last name was Shulman.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I always found that weird because I didn't realize I knew one Shulman growing up. And he was.

[H. Foley]

So did I.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was a very big, uncoordinated Jewish fella. And I was thinking, I'm like, I can't see a Shulman mastering the mats.

[H. Foley]

Ours was a. Was a. Was a smaller Jewish fella. Good kid. Parents were the richest people. That biggest house I've ever been into my life.

[Kevin Ryan]

All that karate that runs deep.

[H. Foley]

Very true.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's like. It's like the Waltons.

[H. Foley]

He had one of those backyards that went down that was like. I can't describe it. It had, like, a hill in the back, but it was all, like, perfectly manicured. And then down at the bottom was, like, the pool and, like, a pool house and all this stuff. I was only there for, like, 45 minutes at a party once he got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Caught stealing the silverware. Couldn't believe God going through their medicine chest.

[H. Foley]

This house is fucking 15 minutes away from mine. Sure. Do you own my house, too?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sorry we're gonna be late on rent this month. What do you got? Mr. Daniel, nicknamed Tiger Shulman.

[H. Foley]

No kidding. Is he still alive?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he was born in 1962.

[H. Foley]

Get the.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's his net worth?

[H. Foley]

87.

[Kevin Ryan]

And where did it start? Is that local? That's national.

[H. Foley]

California it's got to be California.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was born in New York. Oh, Tiger.

[H. Foley]

Why? What? I don't know. I said Detroit Tigers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I got you.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's interesting.

[H. Foley]

25 million.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's got maybe more. I mean if Tiger Shulman's. If they are national.

[H. Foley]

I think they are and there's really no competition. Who else you going to go to?

[Kevin Ryan]

Local spot? Yeah. There's nobody. I mean there, there. I can't get his net worth. But the revenue is $34 million a year. Yeah. Gotta be franchised. Yeah, it is. Let's open up a Tiger Shulman's.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty sweet.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's me and you who's gon train what? Us.

[H. Foley]

You don't know karate.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm a brown belt. Check the resume. Listen, you're teaching these kids. They don't know.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Take up. Teach him a headlock, full nelson, kick.

[H. Foley]

Him in the nuts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Teach them the illegal throat chop, the.

[H. Foley]

Crying Ryan hit him.

[Kevin Ryan]

They, they just opened up a. I never understood karate. I would like have as a kid. It's a very childish and I'm not down crediting karate, but I think it's very. It's a lot of children. If I was karate, if I was.

[H. Foley]

In the best shape of my life, would I be able to fight and beat up a black belt in karate? It's bullshit, right? Not bullshit. Whoa. It's not like jujitsu where like those guys would fuck you up. Like karate's got to be coordinated. Would a karate guy be able to kick my ass?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think, yeah. I mean, yeah. I think so.

[H. Foley]

Huh. I'm not doubting it. I'm just, I'm.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

I'm ignorant.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know what the. I've only ever known children that do it and they opened up a dojo in my neighborhood, sold weed.

[H. Foley]

That did it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey. And it's mostly children.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like it's for the kid. And this is the first time I looked at it, I was like, oh, this is a child's activity.

[H. Foley]

Self defense confidence.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think if you're. It's more self. It's more handling yourself.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think it's like we can't.

[H. Foley]

Be teaching that you want to do is freak out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brass knuckles kids.

[H. Foley]

I want you to start worrying. That's a sweet move.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I'm big proponent of lying on any sort of documentation to achieve something.

[H. Foley]

I was big on the. I always did. What's it? Special buddies buddy system. That sounds buddies around the world.

[Kevin Ryan]

Molestation no, it was the.

[H. Foley]

It's an organization. Best Buddies. Special Buddies.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the Catholic Church. No, Best Buddies International.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Best Buddies International.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was that?

[H. Foley]

I think it was for mentally challenged people. You became like a friend for mentally challenged people.

[Kevin Ryan]

What side were you on? Not. I'm just. Just curious.

[H. Foley]

Take me around.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is the 80s. It could have been misdiagnosed.

[H. Foley]

I think it was Best Buddies, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah, I was. I did that for, like, six years.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that got to do with karate?

[H. Foley]

Nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would let this guy beat your ass. He's tossing you around like a rag doll with a big hug.

[H. Foley]

Martin, stop.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You're not getting ice cream. Later.

[Kevin Ryan]

Power bombing.

[H. Foley]

I get that kid that smashes the two bottles.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's my favorite video. That guy's.

[H. Foley]

That guy likes to party.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't do it.

[H. Foley]

That kid likes to party. Shout out to him.

[Kevin Ryan]

As I've gotten my older age, I've really appreciated that kind of thing in the sense of like, yeah, that's a pain in the ass. You just broke glass in the pool. But it's like, let's have a good time. What are we doing here? Why we keep it on air? Well, we're adults. We'll pick out the glasses, break the glass. Let's have a good time, guys. Enjoying himself.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I did that for six years.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was your Ed. Your extracurricular activity. Like, that's what you put. To put on your resume.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's what I would have put on my resume, actually. Probably have my. Because I looked at it recently. I have my serving resume.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

On me.

[Kevin Ryan]

On you. Yeah, I got some. I got a call from a friend of mine. This is. I don't know if we've talked about this how. This is. I got a call from a friend of mine who's helped us out or helped me out very early on in my career.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

New York career.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was almost a 10% investor of AYG.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that's my acting resume, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

It only took you eight minutes to shoehorn that in.

[H. Foley]

Comedic timing, improvisational skills, stand up comedy, sketch comedy. Voiceover artist.

[Kevin Ryan]

Save. This is a Patreon episode.

[H. Foley]

Various accent.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is Save. Save it. Save it, guys. Check out the rest of that on Patreon.

[H. Foley]

I don't know if I can find the other one.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can find mine. Let's do some digging.

[H. Foley]

Take a quick peek. Shortcuts. Garageband files.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, save it. Save it, save it, save it. What did. What party did you not get about save it?

[H. Foley]

I got Beats in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the Matrix, you'd be called Mayo.

[H. Foley]

No, that's rude.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty good, though, right?

[H. Foley]

Looking horrible in the trench coat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, it's got stains on it.

[H. Foley]

Can't take me to see the Oracle. I would have crushed them cookies, though. They look good.

[Kevin Ryan]

A buddy of mine hit me up, said, hey, I got a. I got a family member who's looking for an internship.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can I send you over the resume?

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'd have to toss him some cash a week.

[H. Foley]

Is that right?

[Kevin Ryan]

And for you know, it just ended up well. Then I said, listen, this is how I play the game. I'll just. Fuck.

[H. Foley]

Listen, Just send a kid a couple hundred bucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Send him a couple hundred bucks, and I'll just say. I'll write him a letter of recommendation.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll just say, I'll go ahead, but go. He was more like web design stuff. And I'm like, I don't. I can't even. He, like, I read his resume, and I'm like, I don't know. What, 99. I don't know 99 of stuff Luke does, let alone what this. This kid's like, speaking in code. I'm like, I can't. I just can't use, I don't know, zeros and ones.

[H. Foley]

It's easy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, thanks, Mayo. Boom. Got him.

[H. Foley]

You think it's zeros and ones?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's mostly pepperoni and salami. Am I right, guys? So he. So I just said, hey, let me.

[H. Foley]

Know where's the kid go to school? Can you say that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't remember. It was a high school kid. Like an accredited high school kid. He was 18 or something.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, it was like.

[H. Foley]

Was this the beginning of the summer?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Oh. Oh, could I had an intern all summer, hanging out?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. What?

[H. Foley]

Could have. Went to pre fresh parties, Hang out.

[Kevin Ryan]

With high school kids?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

How old are you?

[H. Foley]

College kids, though. Go to Bloomsburg.

[Kevin Ryan]

He said he was in high school.

[H. Foley]

You said, he's going in.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, He's 18. He's going. He's currently in high school is what I said.

[H. Foley]

Sign him up for the Army.

[Kevin Ryan]

He'll show you what it's like.

[H. Foley]

I would have been a door gunner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sign him up for Tiger Schulman. So I just said, hey, man. I realized that. We're like, it's all. Everything's fucking made up and fake. I go, I'll just say he worked for us. Mm. I'll fucking write him a letter of recommendation. Put him on the thing. I'll call a Guy, no one cares. Just get him the job. Just lie. And he was like, oh yeah, I'll let you know if we need to do that. I said I'm here to help. I'm here to scumbag our way up. Big man. I'll go to the interview with him.

[H. Foley]

He's in his college admissions now. Who is the bug man?

[Kevin Ryan]

You just crawl across.

[H. Foley]

I'm right here, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You crawl across the ceiling.

[H. Foley]

Just give it. Crawl out the window.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bugman engaged. That's so good. All right, let's hear this one's from Tom. $10 Kippy plus size Pampers fundraiser here. He just said my kids got a fat ass. Is it, is it garbage to microwave a frozen lasagna in the office? Microwave them. John's jam up to break room microwave for about 10 to 15 minutes. That is a dirt bag level question on a such specific. It's not the smell. It's going. I'm jamming every dude think about if you were going to microwave yourself.

[H. Foley]

He's got something in here for 25 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. If you got a.

[H. Foley]

That's lunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you got a half hour break and you get in here and he. He's at minute 14, that's half your breaks gone.

[H. Foley]

You got to do that. Say you get lunch at 11, you got to pop in at 10:30 and throw that in. Yeah, you got.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm running in a bath. You get in there, start it early again.

[H. Foley]

Then you got something in there cooking for 20, 20 minutes with no supervision. That's how the break room blows up. Then you're jammed up. I know the exact. I assume if you're. If this guy's worth any weight worth his salt, that is a Stouffer's mini lasagna. Listen, and those things hit you.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not. I'm not. Listen. I'm a big. I'm a hot pocket. I'll do whatever you need me to do, but I think you just gotta go. That's also lasagna at lunch. That's a heavy meal, buddy. You ain't gonna be worth the back half of the down to back nine.

[H. Foley]

You gotta take lunch at like three for that. You can boy you a cup of coffee. A real strong cup of real strong carrot will get you through to 4:35 o'.

[Kevin Ryan]

Clock.

[H. Foley]

But if you're doing a lasagna at noon, dude, you're doing a nooner lasagna and that.

[Kevin Ryan]

He ain't doing a diet Coke with that. That's a. He's doing some. Something heavy.

[H. Foley]

That Is sleepy. I remember being so sleepy anytime I would come back for lunch. Like when I worked, I worked at an office briefly. As the. As the. As a dispatcher for a limousine. As a dispatcher for a. For a limousine company. And, man, I'd crush a lunch and just be sending cars to Newark that are supposed to go to jfk. Katie Couric screaming at me.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was a client coffee lady. I was in a lab. Yeah, we were. I mean, it was pretty well documented. We weren't. When I worked with my family, we weren't allowed to take no lunches. You ain't worth shit. And you weren't. You get in that pickup. You get in a cabinet pickup truck, you start eating a hoogie. It's cold as shit outside. You're going, fuck that. No way. Like that, you ain't worth shit. We would knock off early, go get beers and chicken tenders, shout out to the Ashton Pub.

[H. Foley]

10 minutes of 1060 away from night, night time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you get that. They get that AM radio going and one guy's reading the paper, I'm out. Dude sitting on a bucket snoozing.

[H. Foley]

A lasagna.

[Kevin Ryan]

Especially if you're doing. We were doing like. I was, you know, doing labor. So you're like carrying. So, like, you're already physically exhausted. You're sweating and then that. That you cool. You're physically cooled down. It's like halftime.

[H. Foley]

You got the meat sweats in the winter. That sucks.

[Kevin Ryan]

But in office, I'm like a wide receiver. I got to stay on a bike even when I'm all, you know, keep the legs moving, keep the sweat going. Get me the J.

[H. Foley]

Did you. Did you ever. Did you ever fuck with Stouffer's like that when you were a kid? I know the French bread, obviously, but I remember my mom.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I didn't do Stouffer's French bread till I was in college.

[H. Foley]

My mom every once in a while would get like a Stouffer's. It would be the big Stouffer's lasagna. You had to put that in like three weeks before you wanted to eat it. Yeah, it was like. It was like an hour and a half.

[Kevin Ryan]

That would. That to me. We were never planning that far ahead. That would be like. There was one in there.

[H. Foley]

I remember her getting home from work at like 5:30 and putting that in and seeing the timer on it. Seven o'. Clock. What are you, Spanish? What the fuck are we doing here, lady? I got school in the morning. Go take a siesta and not to mention that thing comes out of the oven at 7:30. You can't go near that fucking thing. No, that's like Chernobyl eating an elephant's foot middle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Still cold.

[H. Foley]

Dude, that thing would be boiling.

[Kevin Ryan]

We always had. We were. My mom, we were. My mom was a big Lean Cuisine. A lot of frozen.

[H. Foley]

Frozen. They're little though, these fucking big lasagnas.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm telling you. I understand what you're saying. My. My stepmom. Sometimes for dinner, which I didn't hate because the cheese was like watery, creamy, soupy.

[H. Foley]

Wait, do I know what you're going with? You're talking about the Jolly Green Giant cheese and broccoli.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, my mom would make that for Danny. Danny would eat the whole bowl of that. That might as well been alien brains.

[H. Foley]

Are you kidding me? That stuff is awesome.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get it. I get it now. But as a fucking. I mean he was. I used to think, man, I was five. I'm like, get the out of here.

[H. Foley]

I used to think it was weird though when they would put the. The plastic bag in boiling water. Yeah, that don't seem.

[Kevin Ryan]

We would do it in the microwave.

[H. Foley]

That's all you had. Stove was for heat.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was for a long time.

[H. Foley]

I had that on broil.

[Kevin Ryan]

Watching my mom do that. I'm not heating a whole friggin house, by the way.

[H. Foley]

I'm upside down in this energy bill. Sure that AC has been running, dude. I've been looking the other way on that for a month or two. Wait till I catch this up. Well, you can turn it off on me. Can't, it's illegal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Elderly goddamn veteran. I'm in the fucking buddies of America. Can't shut my. Shut my.

[H. Foley]

Don't make me come over there and hit you with a karate chop.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we used to do this for like dinner. We would do a side of the microwave. Stouffers, Mac and cheese.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I remember being like, I. More. We were America's choice. The craft vert, of course. You know, like the blue box. America's choice, blue box. Then she. My. My stepmom would do Velveeta. But then sometimes she. I guess she had a taste for that. She would do that.

[H. Foley]

That's. The pasta is too mushy.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's too thin. It like dissolves. It's crazy. I liked it though, dude. The second you whacked out with a can of coke, it was gone. It was like it didn't even happen. It was fucking like Criss angel just eating the Eucharist. Yeah, very I did love that stuff, though. Yeah. I remember my fucking. My stepdad hit me with a meatloaf. Hungry man. When I was real young, my mom. The first day he watched us, I might have. First time he watched us. And dude, there was like. I was. Listen, I was a young kid. I wasn't a gravy guy. I wasn't a fucking red meat.

[H. Foley]

He might as well gave you a cigar to chew on. I loved him.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get. I. I get it. But at that age, first of all.

[H. Foley]

I'm like, me and my brother were big Salisbury steak boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's exactly. And I go. First of all, I go. My mom does the cooking. I just met this guy. He's smoking a. Smoking a. Winston. Microwaving me.

[H. Foley]

That's got the chocolate brownie, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, I touch. I. Oh, I dabbled in a brownie.

[H. Foley]

Those things are bangers.

[Kevin Ryan]

I dabbled in. I remember just. I go, there's no way I'm touching them vegetables. No freaking way. I did scoops of the mashed potatoes into the gravy. I dabbed them in the gravy. Wet my beacons. Yeah, I sucked. But I remember going. I'm like, dude, you're new here. This don't. I'm a picky eater, and it ain't this, okay? Go get the chicken nuggies or Diego waffles. We're having dinner.

[H. Foley]

I see an onion, I freak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't like that onion bread. I love it now. That onion bread hit me with that one time from Super Fresh. I said, buddy, hey, man, there's bugs on this. I don't like vegetables in my bread. I didn't. I remember getting caught with it.

[H. Foley]

They scraped these mosquitoes off.

[Kevin Ryan]

He had buttered it already, and I didn't know. And, like, a long string of onion freaked.

[H. Foley]

Dental flaws in here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Worms, dude. No way. You got worm bread, you freak out. What's this beat? Oh, yeah. Took me a while to go back. Yeah. Back on Adors.

[H. Foley]

He lied to you. Covered it up. Covered it up with cream cheese. Get you to eat it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's the same thing. Just eat it. It's flavor. Yeah. I don't like it. They always hit me with. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Nightcrawler flavor, baby. You got a Kings of Wyatt back there? You got any Stick to the islands, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got any Pillsbury? There's. There's worms.

[H. Foley]

Ah, Pillsbury. Doughboy never lied.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put any that in there, that's goddamn America straight up the middle.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not trying to be French or whatever that is. Onions in your bread.

[H. Foley]

Lasagna in the break room.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great.

[H. Foley]

You got some people pissed at you, but you got a nice lunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Delicious. Sorry.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That. You can't. You gotta have silverware. Silverware.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You can't.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't because the fork starts melting. That carries a high temp. That's a high heat. That oil in those things, you can't.

[H. Foley]

Cut through those lasagna. They're thick as shit. That's like a comforter. Trying to slice through that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing's.

[H. Foley]

You're not doing that with a fucking plastic knife.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nothing's worse than having to listen. I'm a big plastic utensil guy. We lunch here, play. But it's like. It's for certain foods at certain times when you're trying to. When it's that and it's not heavy enough or. And you're just gonna. It just. It ruins the meal for me. I go, this is so unenjoyable. I'm thinking too much. I'm trying too hard. I look like an idiot.

[H. Foley]

You're eating a whole lasagna.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's just the sheet.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, because you can't get through the cheese. That stuff's hard like a dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is in the. This is in the same thing. This is from Sawed Off Scott Gun. Great name, man. That guy calls him the Salt. That guy calls himself the Scott. The Sawed Off Scot Gun Scott gun out. $20 hoagie. No big deal. Is it garbage to heat up a Lean Cuisine just to put it in another container to take to work? So they think you made it. My mom used to do this.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I respect that. As someone who carries a lot of shame in certain areas, that makes you famous, you know, it looks like leftovers or something. It's not. I respect that.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to burst the bubble. No one bought that. Those Lean Cuisines, they carry a certain particular scent.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

That's tough to fake.

[Kevin Ryan]

But if you get a good look at it. But if you microwave it at home, get that first, cook and then maybe just heat it up.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or it's all. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

A little garlic salt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Fucking hit it with a little bit of, you know, oregano or something. That might not be bad.

[H. Foley]

I like to move.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from the real Estelle Gettys.

[H. Foley]

Keep an eye on the stock price of frozen dinners. There might be a little bump after this episode. Yeah, they're getting a lot of conversation.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're getting their Due. Let's hear. Is it garbage or grow up with your uncle living in the garage in your backyard? He hit his head on a fire pit ring when he was 18 and got scar tissue on his brain. He was never able to have a regular job because of disability. So he built an apartment on the backside of our garage. And he's lived there now for 41 years. He just smoke weed? He just smokes weed, blasts Zeppelin and complains about the American government all day. Talk about living the life. That's what family's for though, I gotta give you that.

[H. Foley]

Got it.

[Kevin Ryan]

He got jammed up at an early age. Caught a bad hand. It sounds like if he's building his own apartment, he could be working. I think the disability thing is just to keep the checks coming.

[H. Foley]

Sure. Which smoking doobies, Guys getting high.

[Kevin Ryan]

And he built a goddamn apartment. I like it, but I respect. And that's what families. That's what a. That's a good dirtbag family. Listen, I can't let you in a house. Been going through my wife's underwear drawer.

[H. Foley]

We gotta have a space.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can go out back. The backyard's yours. Have at it.

[H. Foley]

Probably fun for the kids too.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Smoking weed with them. Sure. Teaching them karate.

[H. Foley]

Definitely. Get the high school. You know where to go. You go for the stash?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Yo.

[H. Foley]

Of course, you might have a flashback. Start fucking pulling out the machete.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get that screwdriver to your head. I'll do it. Man. That's Uncle Gary. He's fucked up. He's cool though. All right. This one's from Victor Mendoza. $10, bozo. Never had one. Read. Is it garbage? Appointed the menu while telling your server what you want. I know I look like a toddler doing it, but I can't physically stop myself. I do it when I can't pronounce the word. At an Italian restaurant.

[H. Foley]

Or you want to make sure you're on the same page. Because I've been screwed by that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

Like, I can't remember what the item was. It was like there was two chicken dishes. One had like fucking, you know, cheese. It might have been like a Sorrentino or something like that. And I pointed at the wrong one and got like grilled chicken and vegetables.

[Kevin Ryan]

The heck Hungry Man Meatloaf.

[H. Foley]

I didn't get my pudding. Yeah, I'm going to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know the words. You got to do that. That's the way it's got to go, man. I get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. I'll go. Like. Because a Lot of times you go to these places that stop putting pretty much any English on the menu. You go to, like, a decent Italian joint that really wants to be Italian, and you're like, buddy, what's going on here?

[H. Foley]

I would be a little bit of a.

[Kevin Ryan]

They'll pull you, and you're like, dude, just say it's chicken. Just say chicken. Don't make me fucking Google stuff. Don't make me look at it. So then it's like, I know I can't pronounce the words correctly, so I'll go, I'll do the chicken. And, like, point at it and hand it to him. And they always go, yeah, you know what? You know I can't say it.

[H. Foley]

A move you could do.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just ordered a Coors Light. You know, I can't pronounce it.

[H. Foley]

The Cures light. A move you can do is yous step above it and you go, I'll do the chicken. Did you want the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ooh.

[H. Foley]

The soaring thing. Usually they'll say on Earth, they just walk away. Hey, wait a minute.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, give me the option.

[H. Foley]

I was bluffing. When I started working at, like, most of them were American cuisine, But when I started working at the Greek joint. Shout out to snack tavern over there in the West Village blows permanently.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just heard someone. Someone just hit us. DM me or. So I saw something.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, Taverna.

[Kevin Ryan]

See if you can get eyes on it. I mean, they had a good run.

[H. Foley]

Restaurants.

[Kevin Ryan]

A restaurant Stay open. A restaurant in New York stay open for 10, 15 years. Permanently closed.

[H. Foley]

Maybe cut this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. That's a bummer. Oh, fuck. I always wanted to go back and get that chick. The food at that place was so goddamn good. It was unbelievable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great run.

[H. Foley]

Hell of a run.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, for a restaurant in New York to stay open for a decade is. I would find the average lifespan of it, it's got to be like eight months.

[H. Foley]

More than a decade. Probably 20 years. It was over.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a long time for any business.

[H. Foley]

Damn it. I wanted that chicken sandwich. Chicken sandwich with, says Patreon. With roasted tomato, arugula, and, like, a mint lime mayo. It was so fucking good. Great spot. Anyway, when I learned all that, I didn't know anything. Tzatziki terra, musalata, Melano, Salata, Bereki's. All this. All this Greek language.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

I didn't know anything after, like, a year of working there. If somebody misspoke something, I'd be like, you mean the Tata Musa lata? You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like. Don't act like you're not. Hit him with fucking whip. It's in the walk in.

[H. Foley]

I'd hit him with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Oh, you mean.

[H. Foley]

And with wine, I always do the scumbag thing of if I can't pronounce the vineyard, you know, the. Whatever. I'll go. We'll do the cabernet. The second cab. Whatever. Not that one.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no, no. I'll do that too.

[H. Foley]

There's a $15 bottle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Half carafe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Average lifespan of a New York City restaurant is. They're saying five years. That's pretty good. Yeah, but 80% fail within that first five years.

[H. Foley]

Hmm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That's the time. Tough racket. Tough racket. How many restaurants open up in the city every year? Yeah, I think, like, pizza, please. I mean, it's like crazy. It's gotta be nuts. All right, let's see here.

[H. Foley]

Funny. My boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your boy? Who? You ain't got boys.

[H. Foley]

I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

In 2024, it was over 1200 new establishments.

[H. Foley]

Hmm.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. That's my boy.

[H. Foley]

My boy, who I worked with, just had lunch there. Good actor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

John Gorman. Johnny Gorman.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to him. All right, let's see here. This one's from Bobby T. $10, homie. Never had one. Red. Are you garbage if your parent made you try to sleep off a broken bone? Broke my wrist rollerblading home from street hockey. When I called my mom to get a ride home, she asked me if my leg was broken. I never got to sleep, and she took me to the doctor in the morning. Denise ain't gonna like this, but that was her method. That was like. I knew it was because you fall. I think I broke my wrist. Chances are it was probably sprained. It wasn't broken, but every one of us had broken a bone. Where her thing was. Go to bed if you can't sleep through the night.

[H. Foley]

That's fucking crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know it's broken.

[H. Foley]

Well, you. Could you sleep?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. You had a broken arm, a broken hand. Wake up. Take me to the doctor.

[H. Foley]

Wake up. You'd have to wait till the morning.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So you just laid there all night?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, listen. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

In pain.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not like I got hit with a fucking. You know. It's not like a broken hand. Yeah, but.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I would have freaked out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bones don't have nerves.

[H. Foley]

Is that true?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You sure do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ain't that a lot?

[H. Foley]

Bones don't have nerves.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think so. No. Get eyes on that. It's the tissue around it. I Think.

[H. Foley]

What if it was a compound fracture? Still sleeping.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had. I had close to one of those.

[H. Foley]

I don't believe you. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Look like a Civil War reenactment. It's commonly thought bones don't have nerves. Not entirely true. Outside the bone. Like the outside part of the bone does have some nerves.

[H. Foley]

There'd be people walking around with broken bones.

[Kevin Ryan]

They do all the time. I had a broken bone for a year and didn't know what.

[H. Foley]

What.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one. My navicular, AKA my scaphoid bone. That's why I had a surgery, because it broke and healed in two different pieces.

[H. Foley]

Huh. Is that your business hand?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Pleasure hand.

[H. Foley]

That's what I mean.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Oh, left hand.

[H. Foley]

You wouldn't. Left hand.

[Kevin Ryan]

My left hand. What don't you get about that?

[H. Foley]

You're a righty. There you go in the boudoir. Lefty on the tennis court, though. Hell of a backhand lefty in the locker room.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No, it was like if you sleep. If I. You know, if you couldn't sleep through the night. He was a fucking single mom working third Shit.

[H. Foley]

He came from the hospital, man, I was. I was soft.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was also.

[H. Foley]

I couldn't sleep with warts. When she put the wart remover on my hand, that shit burned little. I'd be in there banging on their door. My dad trying to get a little piece of nasty.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[H. Foley]

Here comes the blocker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you guys aren't having fun without me, are you?

[H. Foley]

I'm here to ruin my. My figure's burning.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's no.

[H. Foley]

Patty would always peel off the top of it and then put it on.

[Kevin Ryan]

How you get to the roots.

[H. Foley]

She loved that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, you're gross.

[H. Foley]

She'd sit there underneath the. Out in the corner of the couch under a. Under a desk lamp with the tweezers and a fucking exacto knife and fucking with a heater in her mouth. It's like going like a mob doctor. A bunch of dogs barking around me.

[Kevin Ryan]

We also knew that you're not. Nothing can happen until working hours. You got to go to an orthopedic and they're like. You go to the. You go to the er. You're going to get your X rays at fucking whatever, midnight.

[H. Foley]

They're not going to put it in a cast.

[Kevin Ryan]

They'll put it in a splint. No, they're not going to put it in a cast. It has to be seen by an orthopedic surgeon who goes. Who reads it and goes, yes, that is broken. I'm prescribing You a cast and puts it in a cast.

[H. Foley]

Look at you. George Clooney.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've had a lot of broken bones.

[H. Foley]

George Clooney, er.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Don. I knew. I knew what you're doing.

[H. Foley]

That would be. You should. You should do a Clooney. Comb your hair forward.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not great. No, it doesn't go back.

[H. Foley]

I wouldn't mind seeing that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Comb hair, comb forward.

[Kevin Ryan]

A few things I wouldn't mind seeing you do either. The treadmill.

[H. Foley]

Drop dead.

[Kevin Ryan]

Be nice to people. No. Yeah, that's. I get it. It's tough, but it like my. We were. We have the. No. From so many nurses and people working in hospitals in my family, they know it's like you're not going to do it. Even if, like that happens on a Saturday, they'll put it in a splint or like an air cast and go, you gotta. You gotta call an orthopedic and schedule on Monday. And at St. Mary's I couldn't see Dr. Krajewski until Monday. We had my leg and my hand shout out.

[H. Foley]

My buddy Charlie's mom was a ER nurse and she worked over at Suburban. I believe it was. It was always nice if you had to go there late night for something, whatever. And she was there. Very comforting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Denise. The one time I fucked my leg up very bad, told the story, was hanging off from the knee down. Eight years old. Denise picked me up. She came from whatever. So Denise is in her scrubs, takes me to the er. They're gonna have to perform emergency surgery in the ER because there's not an or open. So she goes, that can't. You're. She's like, you're not. So she walked back behind because she kind of just blended in. She started picking up phones and calling any contact because like a different hospital.

[H. Foley]

Or the hospital she worked at, there's a different hospital.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're at same area.

[H. Foley]

So this is like if she worked at Acme and she was over at shoprite calling the produce department like, yo, what are you doing with the producer?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, she's not calling that. This is like pre cell phone. She's not calling that. Or she's calling all of our. We're like Fight Club for lower level hospital workers, right? She's calling any other nurse, any other admin she knows at any other hospital. Got a bed open to go. We gotta get the fat one.

[H. Foley]

Fell in a retaining pond. You believe that shit? I'm trying to work.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm trying to get down as short as we can. If that Fuck. Broke his leg. See if you can sleep.

[H. Foley]

You're probably off the couch for like 20 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? That day, I never got on the couch. I woke up, went to school, went home to. Went home on Liam's bus, and then went rope swinging. And that's. That's too fat to be rope.

[H. Foley]

First swing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Last. Last one.

[H. Foley]

How many of you. How many had you done? I never asked you that. Did you get a full day out of it or.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were done. I was jumping in to rinse off and, like, I jumped out of the tree and I wasn't swinging out, I just jumped out. So I didn't get the distance away from the.

[H. Foley]

From the bank, right onto a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right onto a root or a rock. I don't know. Maybe they always serpent.

[H. Foley]

They always say that you got to watch that. Like, if you're like. One of the things that makes the east river dangerous is there's a bunch of piers that got taken down and the things are still underneath there. Imagine diving in and getting impaled on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Ouch. That's all those. Barnacle. Only in New York ever get sliced up by barnacle crawling out of the. Coming out of the bay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why are you not pluralizing it barnacle? By barnacles, you would be sliced by barnacles.

[H. Foley]

Barnacle is the plural of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think so.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, barnacle. You don't say barnacles.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I'm. This is the argument. I think, you know, I could be wrong.

[H. Foley]

What's the plural of barnacles? Of barnacles?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Barnacles is the. Are you sure?

[H. Foley]

That sound like a name of a bar or something like that? I've gotten up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got my sea legs back.

[H. Foley]

I'm the captain now.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right?

[H. Foley]

I'm stupid.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm not saying. No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't. Don't don't put that.

[H. Foley]

You're a medical professional and I'm a dumbass.

[Kevin Ryan]

First of all, barnacles have nothing to do with the medical profession.

[H. Foley]

You never use those.

[Kevin Ryan]

You put them on leeches.

[H. Foley]

Take the poison, IBM.

[Kevin Ryan]

But she got back in and started calling places to see if she could get, you know, if we get transferred.

[H. Foley]

Taking you out of there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then they did, and something opened up.

[H. Foley]

Nice room on the top floor. Sweet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Had a nice view.

[H. Foley]

Now, would. Would they have put you in an ambulance or would she have taken you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Over in the Ford Taurus at that point? The champagne for. Weren't you bleeding out of dead beat?

[H. Foley]

I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brutus. Yeah. I was gushing. I was. It was a. It looked like a shark bite.

[H. Foley]

So how are they going to wrap you up? Take you over to another hospital?

[Kevin Ryan]

I was. I mean, that was the. I think.

[H. Foley]

Were you tourniqueted?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Your boys didn't turn, give you a tourniquet?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. At all.

[H. Foley]

I would have tourniquet at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

An old woman. They wrapped. They wrapped me up in.

[H. Foley]

Fucking really wrenched it on there.

[Kevin Ryan]

First Liam's brother Rory, wrapped me up in his T shirt. Then they carried me. I've told this on Patreon. Then the. My boy was in the Boy Scouts. He clocked a picnic, turn him into a teepee, spit your tent in his pants.

[H. Foley]

He made me a birdhouse real quick.

[Kevin Ryan]

That helmet's supposed to do with a derby car.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to the derby car. I've seen some real shitty ones.

[Kevin Ryan]

He ran back, he saw a picnic table. They kicked the legs off. They carried me to this old woman's house in the woods. She wrapped me in her kitchen towels, got me to Liam's house. My mom just so happened to be there to pick me up. Didn't know all this. Put me in the Taurus, drove me to St. Mary's drag you behind the.

[H. Foley]

Car on the picnic table.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eve. Gross.

[H. Foley]

I'm sure I made that joke up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably. But all that being said, yes, we had to wait overnight. For the most part. They know that. My mom still, even with the baby now, I go, hey, this. She goes, this is the lay of the land. This is what can be done. These are your options. This is the best provider to go to an urgent care that. Like, this is. She goes, this is the scope of the service you're going to get. And this is the best place to achieve that service. You know what I mean? Denise, she knows what she's doing in there.

[H. Foley]

Say whatever. Lankan all got him at lank and all.

[Kevin Ryan]

She used to work in a blood bank. Hematology, Denise. She used to answer the phone I used to call. And so I call a hospital. Lab Laurie would answer. She'd pick up, go, Lab Laurie. Like, thinking it could be, like, a doctor calling in, like, blood tests. They're like, I'm looking for the results for a police player. No, I just go. I would go, is my mom there? Just answer. I'd call a hospital and ask for my mom like she owned the hospital.

[H. Foley]

Or just tell her we're out of Kraft Sickles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell her her boyfriend's here trying to give me fucking roast beef out of the goddamn microwave. No, Dango, tell him to stop ashing in my macaroni and cheese.

[H. Foley]

Would you do that? Would you call her work bitching?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we have for sure. For sure. That was the big threat. I'm gonna call mom because me, Danny and Sarah all were in the house After Joe brought him in the house. No, me, Danny and Sarah were all watched. Well, they watched whatever. It was bad. We were all fist fighting and.

[H. Foley]

Shut up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crazy Sarah was a fucking. She had a right hook that was fucking knock the taste out of your mouth.

[H. Foley]

Fucking wise ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

That little bit. And the threat was always, I'm gonna call mom. And if you called mom, problem. That was you. That was a bomb. So it was like, I'm really gonna. I'll just ruin the week. I'm gonna call mom and say Danny's doing whatever. Danny stole the car or whatever.

[H. Foley]

He's been calling my mom at work when she worked at the fucking office. God damn it, dude. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

I'm working.

[Kevin Ryan]

My mom used to have to. I've been to the hospital when, like, I didn't have daycare or, like, nowhere to go, and I've finished shifts with.

[H. Foley]

My mom doing this thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

What centrifuge or whatever.

[H. Foley]

I was gonna call it the centurion, but I figured since the barnacles debacle, I keep my yap shot. I call my dad sitting there, talk to him for, like, 45 minutes. He's chilling. Yeah, call over Willow Grove air station. You, planes are correct, Chief Foley speaking. Pop, what's going on? I can shoot the shit for a little while. Hanging out, hanging fucking boys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Vibing.

[H. Foley]

Chilling.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, let's see here. This is Tooty and the blowfish. Never have one red. Ever step in dog shit and get busted it out in class? Bad day at school, dude. Having dog shit on you and not knowing is like the biggest fear. Because it. Someone goes. Because you smell it, you might not think much of it. And then you.

[H. Foley]

It's not. So you're in closed doors and someone.

[Kevin Ryan]

Goes, the hell's that? And you feel a spike up your spine, dude. A chill.

[H. Foley]

You know it's you before you even look because it's too close. It feels like. It feels like the dog. And standing right behind use.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're afraid to turn around because it's.

[H. Foley]

Always in, like, the back of your heel on the right.

[Kevin Ryan]

It ain't an easy clean. That sucks, dude.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that. Sneakers thrown out. That's that. You got dog in your sneakers. Now you're throwing them out, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. It's a germ thing. Because I like Never goes away. I like wearing my sneaks inside. Like I don't. Not the guy with like, I have to run inside. I'm like, I'll walk. I like, I. I don't mind walking in my house with my sneaks on because they're relatively clean. And it's like if I step in dog shit, I can never wear those.

[H. Foley]

You never caught in a Hansi bomb?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Other dogs?

[H. Foley]

Hansi. Ied?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they.

[H. Foley]

You hear that click, you know it's over.

[Kevin Ryan]

Looks over and drops a pin.

[H. Foley]

Crawls into a rabbit?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Well, when you. I spent a lot of time in the city walking my dog. And then you. And you're in a place where dogs typically. And he's pulling you, you know, walking through the grass at night. You're screwed. Goddamn animals.

[H. Foley]

That's such a good question. You know, it's over.

[Kevin Ryan]

That happened to Flip in eighth grade. He stepped in dog and it got in his Woo Wear pants and he got called out. So like before class say class started at. He had a pair of. He had a pair of Woo Wear khakis that he wear. He wore every day.

[H. Foley]

What's Wu Tang?

[Kevin Ryan]

Had their own clothing brand in the late 90s, early 2000s.

[H. Foley]

How did he get on his pants?

[Kevin Ryan]

Called Woowear because they were baggy, hanging over the back of his shoes. Woo wear. These ain't skinny jeans. I'm talking. Yeah, like that type in Woo wear or that Woowear.

[H. Foley]

Funniest thing I've ever seen in my life.

[Kevin Ryan]

Woo did. They had blue right here. It said Woo wear. So like you knew they were the same ones every day. They were thick as shit. They were wide as a motherfucker. Yeah, whatever. A pair of Woo Wear khakis got on his pants. Got on his pants and dude, he got. So we all had to meet. This is in junior high drop off maybe school started at 8:15, so drop offs like 7:30 to 8:15. At 8:10 a bell would ring. That meant like start getting. You have five minutes to get to class. So if you got to school before 8:10, you weren't allowed to like wander up through the school you all had. We had to stay in like the cafeteria and wait until maybe 8:10 because I guess they didn't have enough people to like watch the whole school.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

So everybody had to stay centralized and so we'd all be hanging out and that was when like we're all getting into like our own kind. We're all getting into music and you know you're like have a fashion choice like you're not just, like, in whatever fucking clothes your parents had. And we'd all hang out on these, like, risers, they were called. And he stepped in shit and someone sniped them right away. And he ran. He was like, I mean, beautiful. I'm looking back, beautiful. Problem solving. He went, I'm not spending all day with shit on my pants. And I'm not going to the nurse to get, like, a pair of sweatpants or whatever to wear.

[H. Foley]

Just left.

[Kevin Ryan]

He ran out the front door. Because you're not allowed to leave once you're at school. You can't leave. So he just snuck out when, like, the buses were coming in and then had to. His whole idea is like, I gotta get off property. So he, you know, T1000 ran, made it across the field like it was like, banned. A brother. Like, he was that dude running through the stone or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Lieutenant Pierce. Yeah, Captain Pierce.

[Kevin Ryan]

Turn around and kill. Came right back. I don't think the Germans knew what to do with him.

[H. Foley]

Oh, when that guy runs through that smoke, ooh, he was the man. So I don't know why that guy's not working more. I love that guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. So then someone saw Flip running out of school. Like there was on a bus coming in and was like, what the hell just happened to Flip? Like, hey, he stabbed the dog yet?

[H. Foley]

So what? He go home and change and come back or call it a day.

[Kevin Ryan]

You call that a day? That not running back to school.

[H. Foley]

That's a personal day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'm a date today.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I gotta soak these.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta wear these drones tomorrow. That's all. I got that. Do you remember uf? You're too young. UFO pants. Type in UFO young for you or too old?

[H. Foley]

UFO pants. Yeah, these were upside down.

[Kevin Ryan]

These were for guys who wanted to break dance, myself included. Those things. Do the third one. Yeah, that was. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Either way, there's no way you. You look like a building. What are you talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look like the foundation of a garage.

[H. Foley]

Twin towers. Ryan. Over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude. Those green.

[H. Foley]

Get out of here.

[Kevin Ryan]

My dad would have beat the out of me if I tried. Beat the.

[H. Foley]

Who wore those?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

That's hot chick.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was.

[H. Foley]

Dudes weren't wearing those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that was.

[H. Foley]

That's all broads. Oh, that one dude down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah, that was a glimp biscuit.

[H. Foley]

Go down there to the bottom. That the kid with the chick?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That's a hot couple, dude. Parachute, wind pans. UFOs. Was the Brent man. My one boy Paul had them. They were a store called Mr. Rags in the Oxford Valley. Malls ran by potheads and break dancers. And we were. We thought that was like. That they were the Cool. Yeah, that's kind of who you wanted to try. No, go down in that same one. Down, down right to the first one. The left. No. Yeah, no, that. That's who we relatively wanted to be.

[H. Foley]

You wanted to be that.

[Kevin Ryan]

The guy on the left. The dog tag. A beanie. A dog tag and a pair of baggy pants. You couldn't tell me shit.

[H. Foley]

That's what you wanted to do in a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Perfect. I didn't have the body for the dog tags. Yeah, they would make them there at the UFO store at the. @ Mr. Rags.

[H. Foley]

What would it say?

[Kevin Ryan]

You can make it say what he was customizable by letter. Duh.

[H. Foley]

Two slices of the Coke.

[Kevin Ryan]

A Wild Cherry Pepsi.

[H. Foley]

Say pass out.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is my medical bracelet. Somebody give me a slice of pepperoni. Oh, me. Dude, that is funny. Fuck. All right, we got to wrap it up, gang. Hachi machi. What a fun one.

[H. Foley]

What a fun one, gang. We love you to death. Go to the website, grab a couple of T shirts if you want. Couple of tickets. Come out and see the boys. Yeah, shout out to everybody. That was Atlantic City, hot show. Yeah, shout out to Lauren Wyatt, Travis coming up on stage. Got a fun live show. Yeah, we'll see you guys out on the road. Peace.