Family Fights Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Family Fights Edition"
Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: June 9, 2025

---

Introduction

In the "Family Fights Edition" of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley delve into the chaotic and often hilarious dynamics of family conflicts. True to the podcast's premise, the episode showcases a series of candid and uproarious stories from both the hosts and their listeners, illustrating just how "garbage" families can be when tensions rise. The episode blends heartfelt anecdotes with sharp wit, providing listeners with relatable content and plenty of laughs.

Hosts' Personal Anecdotes

Kevin Ryan's Childhood Fights

Kevin Ryan opens the discussion by sharing a vivid memory from his youth. He recounts a turbulent summer growing up in Townline Apartments, Bluebell, Pennsylvania, where he and his brother engaged in almost daily fistfights amidst a neighborhood of around 50 children. One particularly intense incident involved a prolonged scuffle in a middle field, watched disapprovingly by their mailman, Mr. Lupo. Kevin reflects, “It was like we were all individual countries. There was no child, there was no adult” (06:05).

Another poignant story involves Kevin causing a major rift during a family trip to Cape May, New Jersey. A disagreement over a small fishing ship led to a heated argument with his mother, resulting in significant disruption during their outing. This event left him feeling responsible for potentially ruining his family, highlighting the deep-seated tensions that can exist even in the midst of family celebrations.

H. Foley's Familial Struggles

H. Foley provides his own slice-of-life tales, starting with a high school encounter where a misunderstanding led him and Kevin to physically assault his uncle during his grandmother’s hospice stay. This unresolved conflict remains a poignant example of "dirt bag level" family disputes (20:04).

Foley also shares an experience from a family wedding where alcohol-fueled antics spiraled out of control. Drinking jaeger bombs with uncles led to over-the-top behavior, culminating in a comical yet alarming situation where his uncle had to manage kielbasa cooking for 300 people while still grappling with the morning-after effects of heavy drinking (53:30).

Listener Submitted Stories

The episode prominently features listener-submitted anecdotes that underscore the recurring theme of familial discord turned comedic.

Dr. Chaluca Cobra's Tale

One listener, Dr. Chaluca Cobra, narrates a story from 25 years ago involving his father and uncle at his grandmother's hospice. The unexpected appearance of his uncle led to a violent confrontation, fueled by long-standing grudges. This story exemplifies the sudden and explosive nature of family disputes, especially in emotionally charged environments.

Kenny G.'s Thanksgiving Conflict

Another submission from Kenny G. recounts a Thanksgiving gathering where his uncle's incorrect response to a trivia question about Wolverine ignited a heated argument. Despite the mother's attempt to keep politics out of the conversation, the uncle's outburst about the actor's name ("Jack Human" instead of Hugh Jackman) caused chaos, demonstrating how minor misunderstandings can escalate into full-blown family feuds (11:37).

Marie's Small Town Struggle

Marie shares a dramatic account of her mother's attempt to withdraw money from a joint bank account, only to be obstructed by a bank teller following her stepfather's orders. With the help of a family friend, Marie's mother cleverly circumvented the restriction by writing a check and successfully retrieving their funds. This story highlights the lengths to which family members will go to protect each other, even in small-town settings (41:37).

Donovan's Family Barbecue Incident

Donovan describes a bizarre incident at a family barbecue where his grandmother, under the influence, stabbed his grandfather after he chose to roll a joint instead of fetching her a drink. Instead of seeking medical help, the grandfather improvised by using super glue and duct tape to cover the wound, resulting in a surreal yet tragicomic scenario (43:46).

Themes and Insights

Throughout the episode, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley explore several recurring themes that underline the complexity of family relationships:

1. Miscommunication and Misunderstandings: Many of the stories stem from simple misunderstandings that escalate into significant conflicts, such as incorrect answers in trivia games or misinterpreted actions during family gatherings.

2. Alcohol and Substance Abuse: The influence of alcohol and other substances is a recurrent element that exacerbates tensions and leads to irrational behavior, as seen in the jaeger bomb stories and the grandmother's actions.

3. Generational Conflicts: The hosts frequently touch upon the generational gaps that contribute to differing perspectives and clashes, whether it's between siblings or between parents and children.

4. Protectiveness and Loyalty: Despite the chaos, there is an underlying sense of protectiveness among family members. For instance, Kevin’s attempts to defend his mother during the bank incident and H. Foley’s narrative of fighting alongside his host family members showcase deep familial loyalty.

5. Humor Amidst Tension: The ability to find humor in tumultuous situations is a hallmark of the podcast, helping to diffuse tension and provide a relatable comedic relief to listeners who might have experienced similar family dynamics.

Notable Quotes

• Kevin Ryan: “We were all individual countries. There was no child, there was no adult.” (06:05)

• H. Foley: “That is what we're talking about. That is dirt bag level.” (20:42)

• Kevin Ryan: “Never again am I drinking with you guys. Never again. Just gagging for like three hours.” (54:46)

• H. Foley: “We are the dirt bags of the family.” (31:05)

• Kevin Ryan: “You didn't have to butter up fucking Mr. Lupo.” (06:07)

• H. Foley: “I've seen my father at a funeral. You gotta go. Yeah. Like, we keep it.” (34:58)

Conclusion

The "Family Fights Edition" of Are You Garbage? offers a raw and humorous exploration of the often messy nature of family relationships. Through personal stories and listener submissions, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley provide a candid look at the conflicts that can arise within families, all while maintaining the show’s signature comedic flair. The episode serves as both a humorous take on common family disputes and a recognition of the enduring bonds that hold families together, even amidst chaos.

---

Timestamp Reference Guide

• [00:00 - 03:00]: Introductory banter and promotions
• [03:03 - 10:00]: Hosts discuss personal family fight stories
• [10:00 - 20:00]: Listener submissions and more anecdotes
• [20:00 - 35:00]: Deep dives into intense family conflicts
• [35:00 - 50:00]: Additional listener stories and humor
• [50:00 - 66:05]: Wrapping up with final anecdotes and reflections

Note: Advertisements and promotional segments interspersed throughout the episode have been excluded from this summary as per the provided instructions.

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Martin's question is, are you garbage? If you ask for a Rumpelman shot at the bar upstairs and the bartender said, we're not that kind of place.

[Kevin Ryan]

Give the boys a round of applause for kicking it off with a goddamn home run.

[H. Foley]

Rumpelman's when you're out of crack, where is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rumpelmann's when you know you're not going to get hard, gang? Get your tickets for the Back on.

[H. Foley]

The block [e-mail] second show out in San Francisco. Get your tickets for Portland, Seattle, Brea, Burlington, Vermont, Boston, Massachusetts. Low ticket warning, Atlanta, Georgia, Charlotte, North Carolina, Raleigh, North Carolina, Richmond, Virginia, Baltimore, Maryland, Philadelphia at the Met, Rochester, New York and Toronto, Ontario. See you there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage. Amen. It's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy, but they're just a big old piece of trash. Garbage, I'm your host, Hroley. Coming at you on a beautiful day with. We're out back here at Tooties in a new edition. She's up in a room picking her new guitar.

[H. Foley]

Okay, V. The flying V. The flying V. Who she fucking Cece deville shredding up there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, my co host is coming at you. From across the table is what we call the family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[H. Foley]

Ah, thank you very much, Margaritaville. Thanks for tuning in. Everybody shout out to you. It's me, the big kahuna.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about cheeseburger in paradise.

[H. Foley]

That shirt is wild. Gang, shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always, please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Also full video available on Spotify. The boys are climbing through the charts over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, Sir.

[H. Foley]

Then obviously patreon.com greatest website of all time. Check it out. I mean, hundreds, thousands, millions of bajillion hours worth of bonus content over there. You sign up now, you get all the past catalog. And then what are we doing in the fall? We have any fall plans?

[Kevin Ryan]

We got the Back on the Block tour, dumbass.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get some tickets. Come see the boys. We got the Wilbur.

[H. Foley]

We.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got the Met in Philly. We're in. We're in San Francisco. We're in Portland, we're in Seattle, we're in Charlotte, we're in Raleigh. We're all over the place, baby.

[H. Foley]

Toronto, Baltimore, Baltimore, Rochester. Second show. Second show's being added. We can't add second shows in all the markets because of whatever. The dates, the routing, the whole nine yards, whatever. That's what the fucking suit said. So that's what I'm saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can we get down here to Charlotte? That kill box, the Comedy Zone and the Wilbur and the Met in Philly?

[H. Foley]

You just said that. What are we, fucking reruns already?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, this is going to be fun. I'm excited about it. Hey, I'm sorry.

[H. Foley]

Lay off the big waves, will ya? This guy. Hey, Cheeburger. Cheeburger. Relax.

[Kevin Ryan]

And don't forget, we got the goddamn Atlantic City coming up. That little taste of the back on the block.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Down there at the Borgata. I go in there in this shirt, they'll probably hit me with the high roller suite. It's the middle of the summer.

[H. Foley]

By the way, hit you with this stun gun?

[Kevin Ryan]

This is my nice summer shirt, baby. Happy summer to everybod out there.

[H. Foley]

So what size is that coming in at?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? What's that gonna do?

[H. Foley]

That was. That was very super size.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what it is.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Comes with an extra thing of fries. You never love me.

[H. Foley]

Okay, all right. And we're off. Somebody had therapy.

[Kevin Ryan]

This talking about family fights we are talking about, that was a big one in my house. You never love me.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't love me.

[H. Foley]

We never had everything I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't love me.

[H. Foley]

Who's saying that to who?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm saying that to you, you son of a bitch.

[H. Foley]

You're yelling at the dog. Everything I do for you. Yeah, you sit there and scratch. Lick your ballsack, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

If one thing the Foleys could do in the 80s was have a nice family fight. It was like we were all individual countries. There was no child, there was no adult.

[H. Foley]

It was every man for them.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was every man for himself. My mom could. It would start small. It would be a proxy war, you know what I mean? That turned nuclear.

[H. Foley]

Sure. CIA couldn't control some arms over certain borders. That you didn't have a treaty. Sure, let someone, let you and your brother fight it out. Then your dad comes home, she takes it out on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was usually us that started it. Me and my. It was usually me. To be honest with you.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I would.

[H. Foley]

I can't see that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I look at it as it Was me. I would start something with my brother, or we would start fighting about something, and then there was always. We drag them into it. We get the USSR in the. In the United States.

[H. Foley]

See, I never had that luxury. I had to fucking. I had to shoot the fade with Danny. And there was no parent coming to savior. Because, listen, we get home from work or it's. We get home from school, it's the summer or whatever, she's gone. She's gone for a couple more hours. So it's like, if we get in a fight at 3pm she gets home at 7 or 8. I can't ruin her day. So I just got to keep my fucking. You know, say I ran. I fell down the stairs or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was a summer where me and my brother got into a fist fight almost every day. And we only lived in Townline, and we were around 50. Like, every day, it was like 50 kids. Honestly. Like, they would all be running around. We all literally. We'd be playing football and all that stuff. And me and my brother would always get into a fight. And I remember one time we were in this middle field in Townline. Townline Apartments in. In Bluebell, Pennsylvania. We were in the middle of this field, and me and my brother were on the ground just. Just, like, fighting for, like, 15 minutes because neither one of us would let go. There was like a hundred kids standing around us. And I remember our mailman, Mr. Lupo. Guy went to high school with his son. Great guy. He was our mailman.

[H. Foley]

You don't have to butter up fucking Mr. Lupo. He's fucking 98 years old if he's alive, right? Mr. Lupo, you listen. I'm not. I'm not disparaging the Lupo family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great guy.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I remember looking over and he was just standing there watching us and, like, shaking his head. And I remember I. We felt like dirt bags. But those. It was never those. Those are always. All went under the radar. It was always the holidays or vacation that we ruined.

[H. Foley]

Because everything We've talked about this, everything's heightened. You're fucking the money. The one night I've done all. All the planning for the one thing, and then your shithead kids screw it up. Yeah, that's what. That's what breaks you. That's why there's fights at Disney, fights down ashore, fights everywhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

I caused a big fight at a gift shop in Cape May, New Jersey, one time because I wanted one of those little ships. Remember those little fishing ships that were wood that they sold down the shore?

[H. Foley]

Not really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I got into a huge war with my mom over it and caused trouble in the store and like, knocked over a bunch of stuff. I thought my parents were going to break up.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Because we were in the car driving. Remember we drove past the. The Coast Guard base down there. That's why I always have a thing with Kate May. And I was like, this is it. I've ruined my family.

[H. Foley]

Who. Yikes. Real cool cucumber you are. I got. I'm almost.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good times, baby.

[H. Foley]

Most of the growing up, my family had already fractured, so there was no. Well, it's like, what are you guys going to get back together? Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

The war was over.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It was like we were in fucking peacetime for the most part. Mean, my mom and dad weren't fighting. She did a very good job talking either. No. Well, she did a very good job of not trashing my dad to us.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice.

[H. Foley]

Same with my dad. My dad, you know, he'd get, well.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, girlfriends, on the other hand. Probably heard a lot of it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I think so. But there, you know, there's. There's whole. Sir. I mean, I don't speak to my father currently. There's whole factions of my family that are just scorched earth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[H. Foley]

My dad's side, I talked a couple. My uncle Stay in touch here and there. Might come to a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

But like, not that. My mom's side of the family, she's one in nine.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's your family.

[H. Foley]

That's the. That's. That's the. We still. I mean, they're all down ashore because I'm like, Brandon got us this place, Michael.

[Kevin Ryan]

And if I had to say the more successful side of the family, sure.

[H. Foley]

They've. I got to give it to them. They.

[Kevin Ryan]

They've really got some successful. You're not. You're not exactly a leader in the family.

[H. Foley]

No, you're doing okay. I'm doing all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got high school kids that are by you and sell you.

[H. Foley]

Sure, sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

A couple.

[H. Foley]

A couple of soccer superstars in a family. Shout out to the Sullivan's Philadelphia Union.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wonder if that's kind of where the beginning of our, like, you know, the. The subconsciousness of our relationship comes in.

[H. Foley]

What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

That you maybe look at me as like a father figure.

[H. Foley]

That's the case. Can we stop talking? No. If anything, we're more brotherly. No, you have. Listen, I've read a lot of.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've always looked up to me, which I appreciate.

[H. Foley]

When was that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

If you were standing on the curb or something. And I was on his. I was street level. I had to. Stairs. Look up to you comedically.

[Kevin Ryan]

What, financially?

[H. Foley]

Sexually.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how you do it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I mean, at an early age, before I knew you, you were an elder statesman in the scene on August. Guy's running a show. Cool guy. Wears a blazer, same T shirt every Thursday night. It's kind of weird. Sweating a lot, even though.

[Kevin Ryan]

With the ladder on it.

[H. Foley]

Sweating a lot, even though it's fucking February and the heat's not on. I don't know what this guy's all about.

[Kevin Ryan]

I sweat a lot.

[H. Foley]

But, yeah, it's hard to look up to somebody when you just bum nine cigs a night off them. You kind of lose respect a little bit. You go, hey, man, at what point are you gonn run around a corner and grab a pack and start contributing the commune over here? And then I. You say that, and then you hit me with. I always have cigarettes, which is like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Send you to your room.

[H. Foley]

No. So obviously, we. We, you know, reading a lot of these people's submissions, which are. God, I got to be honest with you. Home freaking runs. And it's. It's no wonder why your fans of this, your fans of the program, it's like so many times you're like, oh, yeah, that. That. That you'd be surprised at how many game nights have ruined it. So. But there is this thing with family where you have to either just eventually cut them out, which happens, or you just go, this is it. And we just gotta roll with the punches.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cut anybody out. Family's family.

[H. Foley]

Now, listen, I've cut. I've cut a good amount of people out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I ain't going anywhere.

[H. Foley]

What? Let me get my scissors out, start.

[Kevin Ryan]

Snipping, chain myself to your leg.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's get into it. We got a. We got a whole bunch of good subs to get through here, baby. This is from Dr. Chaluca Cobra or what are they?

[Kevin Ryan]

Chupacabra.

[H. Foley]

Chuka Cabrers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chupacabra.

[H. Foley]

That's Mexican. He spelled it Chalupa Cabrera. So I think he likes pretty good. He likes the chalups.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like a chalupa. No fried dough.

[H. Foley]

Okay, good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, this just in the regular ground beef one.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they used to have the Baja, but they don't really have that anymore.

[H. Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not really here nor there, though.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

For maybe a different episode.

[H. Foley]

There you go. All right. He says $10, homie. Never had one Read. Here it is. Family game night went bad when mom Asked what act mom was asked what actor played Wolverine in X Men in the X Men movies, she confidently yelled out, jack Human.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jack Human.

[H. Foley]

The rune decided she wasn't allowed to get the points for Hugh Jackman. And all hell broke out. Dude, I get that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jack Heumann.

[H. Foley]

There's also a thing too where like, you feel like everybody's against you and you're like, what the fuck? You fucking tighten up real quick. You got a couple spritzers in you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jack Human.

[H. Foley]

But Hugh Jackman to Jack Heumann is a fantastic one.

[Kevin Ryan]

I give it to her.

[H. Foley]

I don't know. Yeah, I mean, come on, you're playing for fucking playing for namesakes here. You know what I mean? Leader of the family.

[Kevin Ryan]

We tried to play Trivia Pursuit. It's still probably at my mom's. And I don't think anybody in my family, two adults and two kids, none of us could figure out how the game worked. We didn't know what those little pieces of pie did. We didn't know how to get to.

[H. Foley]

The middle coming out. I know that. Yeah, I remember. So when we were right. So the. My brother and like that group of that legion of the family are all like four, five, six, whatever, years older than me. So I was always younger. So I was probably 18. 17, 18. They were all younger in the early to mid 20s. And we would go down the shore during the. They would have cousins night, right? Like we'd all go down the shore during the winter when no one was around. All like some were getting married and like long term girlfriends, boyfriends, whatever. And we'd all go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then the cops were on a skeleton crew.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good pickets.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Good luck trying to fucking run up in the Sullivan's household.

[Kevin Ryan]

You and a couple of constables. A bunch of guys got a wooden gun on.

[H. Foley]

So a bunch of drunk pipe fitters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go, come on, I know you can't shoot nobody.

[H. Foley]

So we'd all go down there. We'd get. It was like a night we'd get kind of not dressed up, but it was like, whoa, we're going. It was like, you know, like it was like an age where you started doing like, we're gonna do appetizers and like, what are you bringing? Rather than just like drinking a six pack, huh? It was like a little more Elvis, just you guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was there any parental figures?

[H. Foley]

No. So we're. I'm the youngest and the oldest is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably Lord of the Flies.

[H. Foley]

The oldest is probably maybe a shipwreck, maybe 30. No one has kids yet. It's like. And I. There's. There's 40 of us in a. In a shore house. And I mean, we tried to play Cranium could do. And I think that's what it's called. Cranium Could Do. You, like, make up rules or something?

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Jack Boomin, I tell you what, it's not Cranium Could Do. You mean the game Cranium, But I.

[H. Foley]

Think there's a version Cranium Could Do. I remember my mom got Cranium Could Do. You guys, he's really good family. You go down his shore, play Cranium Could Do. Everybody gets a fist fight. A version of Cranium scaled down for kids.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or drunk welders.

[H. Foley]

Hey, we're not pussy welders, all right? We're out there with the tools.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's Cranium? I remember that coming out.

[H. Foley]

It might have just been Cranium. And I'm thinking, what is Cranium? It was like, there's a bunch of rules to it, okay? No, like, a bunch of, like, hey, if you roll a six, it's my. It was the. Like.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember the guy on the COVID.

[H. Foley]

There was like, nine, nine. Bust a rhyme. And you had to, like, keep the rap going or something. I don't know. Listen, we never made it to the end. I mean, I remember my brother and my cousin Liam getting in a fucking, like, holding each other over, like, a third story. Third story. Railing over Cranium Cadet. Over a kid's game. My what? My. My.

[Kevin Ryan]

My.

[H. Foley]

My cousin's new husband. I don't even know if they were married. New boyfriend. He came. Big guy. You met him. He gets all banged on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that dude.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. And I'm trying. I had my first night meeting heathen. That was my first night meeting him.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm like, crack your skull over.

[H. Foley]

Hey, man, you got to come back inside. It's all right. We'll be okay. I'm like, Jesus. It was. It was like a hell in the cell, man. I was waiting for the undertaker to come.

[Kevin Ryan]

Speaking of the shore, this is. This is a sidebar. You know what my one. My one young cousin is doing? Just GR. High school. He's going off to college in the fall. Good school. Smart kid. Guess what he's doing this summer as a summer job?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's the fudgy wudgy man on the fucking beach.

[H. Foley]

Those are tough to get.

[Kevin Ryan]

Real tough to get. Fudgy. Wildwood sea aisle. Nice, huh?

[H. Foley]

Pretty good Wildwood.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta be. I think you have to be a Vietnam vet.

[H. Foley]

No, I don't think it's. No, it's either. So it's a. It's either. I think firefighters are the hot dog vendors. Fudgy wudgy guys. Or I think you have to be a vet or like something. You have to be something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that's what all the Jersey shore. It's like the prerequisite.

[Kevin Ryan]

Working the beach in Seattle, baby.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Family. Probably the most proud that the whole family is back. You watching of anybody? Dude, he's going to like a really good school too.

[H. Foley]

We have like a World cup athletes, Olympians, NFL players. If somebody became the fudgy oneggy, man, you'd be fucking king shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a job at Sam's Shout Out.

[H. Foley]

Michael used to work at the hotspot. Yeah, it was like one of those shitty Greek fucking. They serve pizza, lasagna omelets. It's the boardwalk. It was a hot, hot spot. See if you pull up the hotspot in Wildwood, I think there's like four or five of them. He was manning a grill. I think he lasted like two weeks. He didn't make it the fourth of July.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had somebody that worked at Flanders in Ocean City. It's a huge hotel in Candy Shop.

[H. Foley]

I'll take you to the candy shop, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like we had somebody in Congress.

[H. Foley]

Working at Flanders original hotspot. Yeah, I think he was at the Hotspot 4 and called. I think he called out like three days in and they were like, what the fuck? It's fucking Memorial Day. It's Sunday. Memorial Day weekend. We're fucking in the weeds, dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all right, Kevin. We got time about Shopify.

[H. Foley]

Oh, cha ching. Shopify.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do we use for our online platform?

[H. Foley]

Let me pull up my Shopify, baby. We are a Shopify company.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, gang, we know we got a lot of hustlers out there, a lot of guys doing side projects. Make that side project your main thing and use Shopify. It's the best checkout in the world. Online Shopify is a commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the United States. 10%? That's a big market share.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You didn't know I knew that word, did you?

[H. Foley]

Are we talking little companies?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, we're talking household names like Mattel gymshark to brands just getting started, which we love. Those brands getting started.

[H. Foley]

Well, ayg, of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tackle all the important tasks in one place, from your inventory to payments to analytics and more.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, shopify makes the marketing minefield easy with built in tools for running social media email campaigns so you can find new customers and keep them. If you're looking to grow your business internationally, Shopify has global selling tools to help you in over 150 customers. Like I said, we are a Shopify company over here. Get all the big stuff for your small business. Right with Shopify. Sign up for our sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com garbage go to shopify.com garbage one more shopify.com garbage do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Kev. Let's talk about bluechew, baby.

[H. Foley]

I'm hard right now, big dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's talk about getting hard and getting right. I'm getting some sleep. Jesus Christ, gang. If you got some issues as you get older, as a lot of people do, you put on a couple of pounds, you get a little older, the blood starts slowing down. Need a little help in the fucking in the bedroom?

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. There's no drug testing for PED in the game of life, you know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

There ain't nothing wrong with a little booster shot.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's right. So do yourself a favor, get a over to Bluechew and get yourself straightened out, if you know what I mean.

[H. Foley]

Great sex is just a few clicks away. Sign [e-mail], consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. Bluetooth tablets is my favorite thing. Made in the usa. I'm talking homegrown bones. All done online. No visits to the doctors, no awkward conversations, no waiting in line in the pharmacy. You get it? Bam. And how about this? When she get be ready when she needs it. And your first month of Bluechew is free. Daddy. Oh, how you doing? And make life easier by getting harder. And discover your [e-mail] and we've got a special deal for AYG listeners. Try your first month of BlueChew for free. When? And you use our promo code garbage. You pay just five bucks for shipping. That's promo code [e-mail] or visit bluetooth.com for more details, important safety information. And we thank Bluechew for sponsoring the podcast. Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, we do.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's see. This one's from Chewbacca Silverstein. This happened about 25 years ago when I was in high school. My dad and his brother had a falling out and hadn't seen or spoken to each other in decades. Prior, my grandmother was in hospice in Michigan and the whole family was there. My uncle Tony, who I had never met, walks in and my dad immediately goes after him. Me, not knowing the guy, thought it was an intruder. So I jump in on it too. Now we're both beating the shit out of my uncle while my grandmother's lying dying in the other room. My dad still won't tell me what happened between those two. That is what we're talking about. That is dirt bag level.

[Kevin Ryan]

Immediately goes after you.

[H. Foley]

Motherfucker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about the heightenedness.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Grandmother's laying on her deathbed. All of a sudden you. Now you show up, huh? Probably waiting for the goddamn will. Piece of shit.

[H. Foley]

I had that my kind of.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is my kind of episode.

[H. Foley]

I think it was my sister's wedding. If I'm speaking out of school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice.

[H. Foley]

My sister's wedding. And one of my uncles didn't come. No, one of my uncles came to the service.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh.

[H. Foley]

Because he didn't trust himself and I guess my dad had not have a heated discussion.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. Uncle on your mom's side? No, on his side.

[H. Foley]

Uncle on my dad. My mom's side ended up getting later years. Got along with my dad, not along with him, but like, sure they knew each other. They might. You know, my. My parents got married like fucking 20 years old or whatever. So like they knew him as like a young a. We're in our 20s. And then there's been so much space.

[Kevin Ryan]

By guns be by.

[H. Foley]

They would see him when they're 45 at a wedding. They're both out smoking, drinking. It's like I remember that time we fight. It was always fight stories. It was always. Remember we got thrown out of fucking McShambles and you know, whatever. But he trusted him. This is how dirt bag we are. He trusted himself in the house of God. He's like, I know I'm not going to fight him at church. So I'll go to the reception. Beautiful. I'll go to the service. Beautiful service.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man. You go to the service and not the reception at a wedding.

[H. Foley]

That's a grudge. That is a grudge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do that at a funeral. Yeah, I go to the. Sir, I'm not going to the luncheon.

[H. Foley]

It's for close family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, I'm. Listen, for the record, I'm always going to the luncheon.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Always.

[H. Foley]

But when they say it's reserved for close family and friends, they sometimes mean that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I still need a meal. Those funeral lunches are great.

[H. Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's always midday and a Weekday. Something nice. I'm there. Yeah, I'll pay for my own drinks. I'll give it shit.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's see this one. Some rattlesnake Jake. $10, ground floor investor. Shout out to you, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk to me.

[H. Foley]

New Year's Eve. A few years ago, I told my cousin in front of everybody, he looks like Riff Raff the rapper. Got a huge pop in the room, which stings. He got mad and hit me with a full beer. We started brawling. My real dad grabbed an oar. I don't know why. To break it up. My stepdad got mad that he, quote, unquote, grabbed the weapon. Needless to say, the party was over after that. That's dude getting hit with a zinger and everybody laughing at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now, who's wrong there? The cousin, Riff Raff. Yes.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Also, you don't throw a full beard.

[Kevin Ryan]

A guy.

[H. Foley]

No, you gotta go verbal. Listen, I come from a very. Listen. Most of. Most of the males in my family have fistfalled each other at some point. I'm not one to sit here, but there is a code of conduct you do. You gotta escalate it verbally a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't take one and it can't be a shot. It can't be a. It can't. It can't. It can't be a fun shot. Like, it's just a good burn. You can't be a bitch and throw a fucking beer.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. You gotta go, hey, how about I fucking slap the taste out of your mouth? That. Then you go, okay, take it easy, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look. That's betterhelp.com, ladies and gentlemen.

[H. Foley]

That's a big one in my family.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Slapped a fucking taste out of your mouth. And then they also all. They all quote whatever neighborhood they grew up in and shit on that. He's just a pussy from Fishtown. He ain't tough or whatever it is. It's all. Fucking kid grew up in fucking Bridesburg ain't tough. Torresdale, they're all just. They all just quote the neighborhood.

[Kevin Ryan]

They can drag your poor father, stepfather and father.

[H. Foley]

They get in on. They looked like they had. They probably had a pre existing beef.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you have any that you regret or look back like, oh, fuck, I could have hurt him.

[H. Foley]

I was getting beat up. I never. They were all older than me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Me and my brother got in touch.

[H. Foley]

And the youngest one after me is Michael.

[Kevin Ryan]

And he.

[H. Foley]

He probably tuned me up. Now I'm an old man.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think the both of us could fight. Michael talking About Mikey did the work here. Yeah. I don't think both of us could fight him.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you're not really bringing much to the table. Maybe you could blind them with that shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just feeling his muscles.

[H. Foley]

How do you get these?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. So I had nobody. I. Nobody I could beat up. There was no one in my life I could beat up. I was just constantly getting the shit slapped out of me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I threw a lighter at my brother one time, and I fired it at it from, like, for me, to Luke. I fired it at him, a regular Bic lighter, and it hit him right here. And then, obviously, we got into a huge melee. Like, a melee destroyed our apartment. And, man, for. I was thinking about it not this long ago that. God, if I. If it would have been 2 inches higher, I would have, like, blinded my brother. Yeah. That kind of stuff.

[H. Foley]

All because you probably wanted to borrow 10 bucks or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was. Something like that. It was something like that.

[H. Foley]

Coming down off a bender.

[Kevin Ryan]

And one time we were. We were at my mom's house looking for a bag.

[H. Foley]

Hey, talk about one time we were.

[Kevin Ryan]

At my mom's house. It's your house, and I. Yeah, okay. We weren't living there at the time.

[H. Foley]

I know, but it's still the same house you grew up in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. And we were in the. We were at the kitchen table, and he was standing right next to me. Okay. And I was in a chair, and there was a chair in between us, and he was. His crotch was right at the level of this. I thought it was the sickest move ever. I felt like. I felt like fucking Jackie Chan something.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I fucking took the chair and fucking jammed it into his fucking crotch. It hit him on the side. But again, like, I could have fucking hurt him.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

He went down like a fucking sack.

[H. Foley]

Of potatoes to get up and beat the shit out you. Like a bad habit.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was so mad. Anything, anything, anything dishonorable like that in a fight in the Foley household was always taken with much disrespect.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, if you went for the nuts.

[H. Foley]

There'S a code of conduct because it goes back to the riff raff. You got to at least go. You at least got to stand up and exchange a few words. You can't just fucking sneak. Your. Your cousin.

[Kevin Ryan]

White gloves, Pistols at dawn.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's very much honorable. I remember one time I got. I got snuck by this kid, and I came home and I thought my nose was broken, but he just, like, cracked the cartilage. But I let him. I didn't let him. I got snuck and then I beat him up. And I told my dad and my d. It's like, he goes, you let a guy sneak you? Like that was. I'm like, what the fuck? Like that. He was more pissed. Not that I got in a fight. That I let.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a loan shark.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that I let a guy sneak.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, let him. Cold cock.

[H. Foley]

You keep her hands out. He goes, what happened? I told him we were like, talking. The second you start talking, you expect to get hit. I was 16.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I did that once with my uncle. Uncle Red took me and my brother outside, put the boxing gloves on us. I want to fight. Fucking took us out to the side of his yard and put mine on. First big mistake. Big mistake. My brother was getting laced up. He's got his. He's got his quarter, man. They're still playing his intro music.

[H. Foley]

He's looking over for you, babe.

[Kevin Ryan]

I knocked his bottom tooth out.

[H. Foley]

Hit him with one. All right, let's see here. This is from Foley's Folly Tracker.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hello.

[H. Foley]

My father grew up never knowing his uncle because my grandfather said his brother was some stuck up prick, right? So his dad didn't know. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

His dad didn't know his uncle. His uncle.

[H. Foley]

Because the grandfather and the grandfather's brother had a beef.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha.

[H. Foley]

So he never met his uncle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha. Gotcha.

[H. Foley]

In reality, my grandfather was jealous of his brother for serving two tours at Iwo Jima, becoming a college dean and marrying one of the Coca Cola heiresses while my grandfather was a divorced school teacher moonlighting as a JCPenney clerk to keep up with alimony. Rest in peace. Uncle Calvin would have loved some of them free DCs growing up, that's another big thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn it.

[H. Foley]

With family beefs is like you don't know, right? So I know my family is. We're entrenched in a beef. A faction of my family. 20 years at this point, if not more. Yeah, I don't know. I learned the side.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was probably 20 years.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I mean, I was.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a lot over the last sandwich.

[H. Foley]

On a hoagie tray. Whatever dirt balls are fighting, it was actually a pretzel nugget of a Philly soft pretzel tray. But, you know, it was business. Obviously, shit goes south. But I learned what I was told, how everybody else was wrong. Of course I got the propaganda. I was getting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking.

[H. Foley]

Of course I was getting Kim Jong Un propaganda.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course.

[H. Foley]

And then you get a little grocer.

[Kevin Ryan]

In North Korea, everybody's fruit was fake.

[H. Foley]

Then I get a little older, I get a little more input. You start going, what's right is right, what's wrong is wrong. Yeah, I'll still get it. I. If I get. If I get the. If I get Denise down in Wildwood, out on the back porch, late night, just me and her. Maybe one other cousin or somebody, she'll start small. That was. Why was Jimmy's, Johnny's, Jackie's whole problem. They all. Then it all fucking starts on. Yeah. Getting new stuff every time I put together a fucking conspiracy theory.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

This one's from Kenny G. $10, homie. Never had one read, as we've said, but this one's wild. Most game nights would my mom screaming and packing a suitcase, saying she's gonna leave the family because she was losing.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's got a bag of Monopoly money. It's falling out like an old bank.

[H. Foley]

It's all sticking out. That's. I mean, what is it with. It's ego. It's gay. It's like packing a suitcase. That's nuts. That's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great.

[H. Foley]

We never. I mean, older. Yeah, I've had it as of recent, you know, as of a few years ago. Other members of the family storming out after a bit of an argument over some, you know, over just some cocktails, going, I'm going home. And you're like, you're not. Go. You're not.

[Kevin Ryan]

Come on.

[H. Foley]

I can pour you into a cup over here. You're not going anywhere. What are you talking. He can't even find your keys.

[Kevin Ryan]

My extended family, never anything like that. Like my uncle. My uncle, like my dad and my uncles always treated each other. And they weren't blood related. They were all married in always the ultimate respect. There was never anything like that. It was always us. And I assume the other families had their, you know, whatever, but never anything big like that. It was always us. I always felt like we were the dirt bags of the family.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I know. With us is like we're so tightly knit and it's so big that. That's like our cousins are like our brothers. Not saying yours weren't, but it's like we are spending every weekend together. We're down the shore. It's like most of like my brother and sister's friends growing up, it was just all just. It was just. It was very. Not incestual, but like just very inter. Intertwined. So that's how it became very messy. We still have it. If we'll go out drinking is like. Like 30 year olds at Some point, someone's gonna.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've seen a little bit of it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you have. You see me and my brother go at it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Outside an open mic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Scary, man.

[H. Foley]

It's scary.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get flashbacks to when I was a kid. My dad pulled out of the driveway a couple of times, and I knew how bad it was by how fast he pulled out. And the one time he pulled out, like, laid rubber, I was like, never seen him again.

[H. Foley]

Don't forget to change the oil every day.

[Kevin Ryan]

He always come back a couple hours later with a couple of odd quarts of beer that, like, he got, like. I assume he was at a bar cooling off, which he never did. My dad never, like, went out like that. It was always with everybody. But he'd come back with, like, a random, like. Like a PBR quart. Yeah, like you. Like a couple random beers. Like, who the. Were you smelling like onions? I think it's something to eat. Sitting here with meatloaf. You're out having a sandwich. Forget that.

[H. Foley]

This one's from Big L. My family all got into business with each other. Bad News bears. I brought my brothers along for the ride. Now, I don't know the whole story yet, but that he.

[Kevin Ryan]

I.

[H. Foley]

He's already drawn a line, a difference between him and his brothers. I brought my brothers along for the ride. That creates.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gave them an opportunity.

[H. Foley]

That creates dissension among the ranks because they. There's certain conversations where you say, we're equal, but then it's that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, I'm curious what this ride is.

[H. Foley]

Had the. And then it says, okay. Had to fire my little brother for too many harassment accusations. Geez. All right, maybe he. All right. He had it coming. He then stopped talking to me. Then I broke up the business and went my separate way. Helped advise my other brother on how to buy some businesses on his own. Who are you, the fucking Monopoly Man?

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, this sounds shady.

[H. Foley]

Turns out he partnered with my younger brother. Fast forward a few years. The younger brother claims the older brother had his hand in the cookie jar to the tune of a couple hundred K. Oh, these are some good businessmen they got. I mean, meanwhile, most of our business, we had about fucking twelve hundred dollars in the checking account.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like there was laundry mats involved somewhere in there.

[H. Foley]

Sure. No one talks to anyone anymore. Fun at funerals, GR graduations, family gathering, etc.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can I say something?

[H. Foley]

Sure. It's a podcast.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put that shit behind you. Talk to your family for these guys.

[H. Foley]

Me?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, these guys. No, you. Hey, I'm on your side. We keep the vendetta going.

[H. Foley]

I've seen. I've seen my father at a funeral. You gotta go. Yeah. Like, we keep it. Listen, I don't have the biggest beef with him.

[Kevin Ryan]

He wasn't at the Big Dog's funeral, was he?

[H. Foley]

This is the Big Dog, Joe Kelly. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I gotta hit him with a handshake. I was on his side. And go, yeah. You don't hit him with a handshake. That's about it. That and I gotta. I gotta. You look good. I lost a bunch of weight at the time. I said, mike, this guy's all right. I don't know what. Everybody's big, Big complainer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Reminds me. I didn't get invited to the luncheon for Joe Kelly's funeral. That was family only.

[H. Foley]

No, it wasn't. There was like 250 people there. There.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh.

[H. Foley]

Cost me like eight grand.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh.

[H. Foley]

I mean, it was.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think I was just a respect thing. Me and Patty went. Right.

[H. Foley]

And then we told you to come. Yeah. You were in your. You were in your joggers. Really, really, really fooling people.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where was that at?

[H. Foley]

Is that Saint Bede's?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, no. Where was the luncheon?

[H. Foley]

The Buck Hotel.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the place we did the show.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn. They put out a good spread.

[H. Foley]

They put out a great spread.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why did I go to that?

[H. Foley]

We even kept the bar open a couple hours.

[Kevin Ryan]

God damn it.

[H. Foley]

Then they had. And we went into the actual bar. I ran up at that. I said, here, put it on me. We're doing shots of Absolute to the Big Dog, smoking Winston's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck. Why didn't I go to that? I should have got rid of Patty, went over there.

[H. Foley]

A party. It was such a party. I had. We ran out of heaters, and I had my wife drive and go get his heaters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. Probably some tail running around here, too.

[H. Foley]

What do you got on that cheesesteak? Spring egg rolls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You fucked up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I fucked up. Damn it. Maybe I had to get back for a show.

[H. Foley]

No, you didn't. I remember. I'm not doing that for family. I'm like, everyone's gonna. Gonna be.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody make some dumb decisions.

[H. Foley]

It's an awesome menu. They got the raw bar. I mean, they got raw bar. It's mostly chicken. They got pretzel, charcuterie, board.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Buck Wild samplers, crab cake sliders.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you have crab cake sliders?

[H. Foley]

I don't remember. I was pretty fucked up. I told you. I was doing shots. Absolute. The fallen Nero's Absolute. That's what he liked. He was an absolute man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Absolute citron. You up? Damn.

[H. Foley]

All right, all right. Let's see here. This one's from St. Louis Viagra guy. So Ahmed, thanks. That's from the live show. I don't know if he was. Yeah, he was. I think he made the Route 66.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

I was. Remember, he was like these. If I got Viagra for my birthday present or my. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.

[H. Foley]

St. Louis Viagra guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

So I'm at Thanksgiving and my mom politely asks no one to talk politics. Which never can ruin a fucking party.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never.

[H. Foley]

Especially now. Everybody just shut the fuck up. Yeah. 90 seconds later, my asshole uncle starts laying into everybody from whatever. I lean over front of the kitchen and loudly say, my mother said no politics. If you want to talk politics, go to your own house. Now. People shout right the fuck up. After that, listen. That's what you got to do. Because they will seep in. It seeps in celebrity. Shut the fuck up. Also referring to his referring to her as mother. That demands respect.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, none of that bullshit. Especially at the holidays. Ah, that's funny. Everybody shut the fuck. And I miss a turkey gang. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. And you know we love Acorns over here. Acorns is a financial wellness app that makes it easy to start investing for your retirement. Because the sooner you start, the more of a chance your money is going to grow, baby. You don't need to be an expert. Acorns recommends a diversified IRA portfolio that can help you whether you are all over the markets. The markets are up or down, it don't matter. Get your Acorns and get straightened out. You don't need to be rich. Acorns let you get started with the money that you have right now. You'd be surprised with what you could do for just five bucks a day.

[H. Foley]

Plus, you sign up for Acorns Gold and you'll get a 3% IRA match on New contributions in your first year. That's extra money in your retirement on Acorns, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get that.

[H. Foley]

As you know, I'm big fan of Acorns. It's been the only way I've been able to save money through this wacky journey of ayg we've had. A few years ago, I started squirreling away a little this little spare change at a time. Right now you can sign up and join over 1 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $2.2 billion for their retirement with Acorns. That's A lot of cash. Acorns.com garbage or download the Acorns app to get started. There's a paid client endorsement. Compensation provides incentive deposit. Promote Acorns and Acorns Tier 1 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorns Advisors, LLC is an SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] garbage do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do it.

[H. Foley]

Warm weather hits gang and suddenly everyone is juggling vacations. Visitors zero routine. Hydro brings everyone back. That structure, you can get quick, efficient workouts and it keeps you feeling grounded no matter what the calendar looks like, baby. The good folks over at Hydro have been nice enough to send us a machine. And I gotta tell you, it's a secret weapon for a full body workout. And as you know, Kippy's getting into shape. It hits like 80, 86% of your muscles. You got your arms, your legs, your core, all of it and knock it out in 20 minutes. Super efficient and actually works. Whether you're training hard or just trying to stay active, Hydro really meets where you're at. It's low impact, easy on a joint, even a big man can do it. But you still get the perfect mix of strength and cardio. You never get bored. Hydro's got tons of workouts, actual Olympians that they're filmed in these gorgeous outdoor spots over the world makes it easy to stay engaged and motivated. And if you're on the fence, there's free shipping. A 30 day risk trial Hydro offers a full year warranty. So honestly, there's no pressure. Just try it and see how it feels. Skip the gym. Not to work out. Stay on track with hydro. For a limited time, go to hydro.com and use the code garbage to save up to $475 off your hydro Pro rower during Hydro's Memorial Day sale. That's Hydro. H y d r o w.com, code garbage. Save up to $475 hydro.com code garbage. Do it. All right, this one's. This one's a little more complicated. This is for Marie. $10 financier. Never have one. Read. Small town. Very small. My stepdad and mom were on the outs. He went to the bank and told Ms. Peggy, who was the town bank teller, not to let my mom withdraw any money from their joint account, which I'm pretty sure is illegal. Yeah, it's not.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not a small town game though. Dog.

[H. Foley]

Strap in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Mama went.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peggy ain't the fdic.

[H. Foley]

Mama went to try and get some money out and Peggy told her she wasn't allowed.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's illegal.

[H. Foley]

Mama didn't like that. My stepdad's former friend happened to be at the bank at the same time and spoke up for my mom, saying they couldn't deny her her money since it was. She was on the account. Of course, Peg wouldn't budge. Peg. So my mom's friend told my mom to write him a check for the entire account balance minus $1. Friend then deposited the check into his own account and gave my mom the cash. Mom proceeded to hire movers and take every bit of furniture, curtains, dishes, even toilet paper. Left him only a dollar. And the La Z boy when he got home from work that day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy shit.

[H. Foley]

That was marriage number two. And she since had two more. Listen, I don't condone that. But you're. You start trying to play. You're trying to prevent her. That's. I mean, listen, you get into bed, whether you get married, I don't know who earned it. Whatever. That's half her money. Whatever's in the account moving forward, making payments is. Well, that's up for debate, but sure, you're sharing a joint checking account.

[Kevin Ryan]

She left him the Lazy Boy because.

[H. Foley]

He'S probably a lazy boy. There you go. Read between the lines.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a lady thing to do. I respect that. A dollar in the Lazy Boy.

[H. Foley]

What about. What about Buddy Jim coming in?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Saving the day and probably does. Probably husband number three, if you catch my drift.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jim had a little cash, too. Guy. Whatever's in the account, it's 300 grand.

[H. Foley]

He's like, whoa, Jesus.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe Peggy's right. Yeah. Home record.

[H. Foley]

That's a lot of money for a young girl. Yeah, that's. That's nutso.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn.

[H. Foley]

All right, let's see here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, the bozos and the homies are fucked up.

[H. Foley]

Listen, I mean, it's like. And this is some of the. More PC. There's a lot of. This one. This is from Donovan. $10, homie. One time at a family barbecue, my grandma stabbed my grandfather in the arm while she was drunk and high on pills. The reason she stabbed him is because he decided to roll up a joint instead of getting her another drink. Instead of going to the hospital, he went to the toolbox, grabbed Super Glue and sealed the stab wound. Used a rag and duct tape to cover it up. That's also. You know, that's a little different than getting mad at Jack Human. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Wasn't over Cranium.

[H. Foley]

I was not a game it could do. I'll tell you that much. Also, what Grandma's drinking and doing pills. I guess probably every grandma. If you're drinking, you're on some. Every grandma's on some sort of pill.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Fucking whack. Yeah. You're not supposed to be drinking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, you got to think too. We didn't realize when we were kids. Your grandmother, you know, usually could be 50, 55, maybe 60. When, you know, when you're like 5 and 6 years old, it's not like they were 100 year old people. I'm 50.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Just saying.

[H. Foley]

Cool guy with a cool shirt like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not that I would be, but in five or ten years, God willing, I could be on pills or drunk.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. So it's not that crazy, five or ten years. Five or ten minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Waiting on somebody now.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. No, that's true. That. Of course, that's very true.

[Kevin Ryan]

And like, I'm just saying, they're younger and more active than you think.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. There's no stabbing age where it's a guy who's 50, they're allowed to stab you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I agree.

[H. Foley]

That's also the way he said it on pills. I don't think it was. I don't think it was heart medication.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of course.

[H. Foley]

Doing a. No, Grandma should be doing oxies or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, maybe. Sure. She shouldn't be crushing them up and snorting them. How about that?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Taking them is one thing.

[H. Foley]

Well, it's also too. If I look back, we agree on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can we meet in the middle?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

She could pop him, but if she's crushing them up and snorting them, that's probably a problem.

[H. Foley]

Listen, this might be a divisive statement. I don't think any grandmother should be doing recreational drugs. Smoke a little weed, take a little pop, a little gummy if you want. Take the edge off the anxiety to glaucoma, to sleeplessness, the appetite. Sure. You shouldn't. You shouldn't have a pill guy at that age. Look at you, Mr. Hoity Toity. That's all I'm saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're all Peggy over here.

[H. Foley]

I play by the rules. Huh. That's also. You look back, all my uncles were drunk. All growing up. And you don't know that. You're like, oh. And you're thinking you're having these moments, which we were. And I love, first of all, I love every one of my uncles. They're great. But you look back, they were from six. Some of them, my two young, my own, my Uncle Mike and my Uncle Pat. They're on the younger half of the nine brothers and sisters. The last two. So they were like, they might have been 22.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

When I was like fucking five or six or whatever. They're in their 20s.

[Kevin Ryan]

What I didn't get, like, I look at myself now, like, I'm. I'm a lazy guy. You know what I mean? And I know this wasn't every weekend, but like when our families would get together, like the, you know, the, the cousins and our extended group of friends, which were like our cousins. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

I gotcha.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were all those, like.

[H. Foley]

You don't have to explain it. We understand. We understand. We understand what close friends are. We'd go down the shore doing the show for five years.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'd go down the shore and be down there for like, let's say a week or two weeks or whatever. And they would all sit around on the deck. And like, I remember like my one fan, like my, my one family, like him putting away, like, it had to be like 20 Heinekens.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like in an evening, like 20 Heinekens. And then. All right, then they go to bed at 1. These guys would be up like taking us swimming or going to breakfast or cleaning up out at like 7:30.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it's like, how the fuck.

[H. Foley]

That's dad. That's. That's like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like I would be. It's like a two day recovery process. And I'm bitching and crying and I'm faking sick and I can't. I'm laying in bed.

[H. Foley]

You are a baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

These guys would get up and fucking do it. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

They also have kid. Like, they had to. Like, you're also used to sleeping in until whatever you get up. That's not. Those guys sleeping. And they begin. They're getting up. It's the ass crack at dawn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shaved too. That was the thing. I was like, you shaved this morning.

[H. Foley]

What the wild crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Man. You're like 40 beers last night. I remember when I finally got to the age where, like, I understood it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you're like, I was in college.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, dude, you had like 30 beers last night. What are you doing? How are you up?

[H. Foley]

I remember my uncle. We go down the shore for Easter every year. Oh, what? We always have. Yeah. My Aunt Patty does Easter and we'd all go down, smell that car. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

The ham and the pineapple.

[H. Foley]

Pineapple. My mom with the pineapple fucking stuffing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I love it.

[H. Foley]

But we did the big I told you so. My. My aunt is married. Is married into one of the big fucking sausage kielbasa families of Philadelphia, Right. So she gets the kielbasa and we do kielbasa on Thanksgiving. So the night before, I'm probably 20.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's got to be a Philly thing.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because I mean, you're not. You're nowhere close.

[H. Foley]

Called like Xerxes or something. C Z R E K S or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're nowhere close to Polish by any stretch of the imagination.

[H. Foley]

No, we are not one of my fucking dumbbells.

[Kevin Ryan]

We have a little Polish in our family. But like upstate in Wilkes Barre and down in Philly. Why was that such an integral part of everything? There was always kielbasa. The pierogies. There was always. And they were always you.

[H. Foley]

There's a large Polish. Yeah, a large Polish population.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got to be a big Phil. It's so funny.

[H. Foley]

Do you find it. It's called a cruise or something. It's spelled one way but pronounced another way.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what I saw on Easter.

[H. Foley]

So.

[Kevin Ryan]

My gosh, that fucking unlocks.

[H. Foley]

We wake up. So we go out. Me, my uncle, me, my brother, my probably my brother in law and my uncle Mike. We all go out to this place. It was called the Surfing Pig or it wasn't the Surfing Pig. The Surfing Pigs. Like a barbecue spot. This was something else. It's not that anymore. It's across from the wild. If you're familiar with Wildwood. It's across from the Acme on the corner. I forget what it's used to be. Like the dog tooth in or something. I don't know what the fuck it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is.

[H. Foley]

Whatever they're all up. Before they redid it, it was still a hole in the wall.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bar over at the Wet Paw. We're at the Muddy Paw for the night.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Local Philly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Xerxes, cz E R W. Yeah, it's in Port Richmond. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a place. Somebody was just there.

[H. Foley]

It's like famous. Like a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Action Bronson.

[H. Foley]

That's like a famous spot. They have. They have like a smoker room. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So we got the. They make the cheesesteak. That's the cheesesteak pierogies that my Aunt Carol gets.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gotcha. She worked there or something.

[H. Foley]

Her. It's her fan. She's married.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right, right.

[H. Foley]

Or whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to him.

[H. Foley]

But authentic. We. We go down there and we start doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get that in some stocks, pound cake. You can't tell them you can't die, buddy. Nothing.

[H. Foley]

So that's how. That's a. That's a goddamn Sullivan family party. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

There, man. If you're in Philly, stocks pound cake, do yourself a favor.

[H. Foley]

We do it. A lot of the wedding cake, we get it. Lot of bunch of stocks cake. Give out slice of stocks cake as the wedding cake, but we're there. So we go out the night before, Saturday night, Friday night, whatever. Yeah, I don't know. It's got to be Friday night. We get down there, we go down. We go all fucked up. We won't have any real responsibility the next day, Easter Sunday, you know what I mean? We got the day off down ashore.

[Kevin Ryan]

The resurrection of the Lord. Yeah, sure.

[H. Foley]

But that's when you start the Saturdays, when you start getting the house together for the summer. Like, oh, we got to get. We got to pull out the whatever from storage, you know?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty good.

[H. Foley]

You're like, oh, we got to pull out the patio furniture. Spray that down, fucking turn. Just the bulls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Grease the lamp poles. Scumbags.

[H. Foley]

So we go out with.

[Kevin Ryan]

Boarding up the place like a hurricane's coming.

[H. Foley]

We go out and Jaeger buzz. When jaeger bombs were big, right? So me and Danny, Jaeger bomb guys at the time, let's do a jaeger bomb. And my uncle, he's all tuned up. He's trying to hang, like, you know, he's hanging with us. So he's like, drinking, drinking, can't give. So he goes. We go, you want to do a jaeger bomb? Well, I'll fucking do a jaeger bomb.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can't give those old guys that deer's blood.

[H. Foley]

So we go. We go. So he goes to the bathroom. So we. Me, my brother. My brother in law, order around the jaeger bombs. So he comes back like a new man. He's like, whoa, you guys doing Fucking shot. What am I, Skip? What's my name? Skip? You know? So we were like, all right, man, fucking order him up a jaeger bomb. Bomb. So he does a jaeger bomb. Oh, that's good. What's in that? I go, red Bull Jaeger and Red Bull. He goes, red Bull, Red Bull. I can't have Red Bull. That shit's gonna kill me. He starts freaking, having a panic. Red Bull. Meanwhile, I'll take the 14 IPAs, yada.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm on a goddamn stat.

[H. Foley]

My heart's gonna pop out of my start. Bul I can't have Red Bull. So we do a couple. But he likes them.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a couple beta blockers. Try to even out.

[H. Foley]

They got a sweet taste to him. You know what I mean? So we do a couple, three, four, five, More of them guys, and we're fucked up. It's like a proper. We went in, we walked down.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got two words. Irregular heartbeat, arrhythmia.

[H. Foley]

So he wakes up. He wakes up and now he's on kielbasa duty because it's. His wife brought the kielbasa shaking. So he's got a grill. It's. And dude, he's got. He's doing like the sauce and the. Me and Danny wake up and we look over the balcony because you're on the second floor condo. We look over the dude, he's like. He is the. The plumes of. Of kielbasa smoker hitting him in the face. And he is. It's. Dude, it's 8 o' clock in the morning. He's got. He's got cook kielbasa for 300 people. He's gagging. Gagging. Dude, never again am I drinking with you guys. Never again. Just gagging for like three hours. Cooking kielbasa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Smell of smoke.

[H. Foley]

Oh, dude, it may make me smell.

[Kevin Ryan]

A smoked meat with taurine running through your veins.

[H. Foley]

Don't forget that base smell coming in lowland. Yeah, talk about jammed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's so funny. Red Bull.

[H. Foley]

Red Bull. Shit's gonna kill one, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those old guys thought that was.

[H. Foley]

That might as well been plutonium to them. They didn't know. I mean, because it was introduced. This is like. Not when it's. Everyone's drinking today. As introduced as, like. This is what snowboarders drink when they're, you know, when they're out doing K2 or whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Red Bulls and vodka. Red Bulls vodka and Percocet. Gosh damn, that is a.

[H. Foley]

That's a wacky uncle shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thursday nights.

[H. Foley]

All right. Hey, speaking of, this is from Foley's chest X ray. My aunt stole Adderall from the medicine cabinet on Christmas Eve. Got caught, denied it. Less than 12 hours later, we got screenshots of her trying to trade them for perks. That's what we call making moves. Oh, man, we've reached. We've reached the true dirtbag level family here.

[Kevin Ryan]

God love her. You deny it?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, listen, drugs are. I mean, I've had it. It's other extended families of mine. I thought she girl got caught stealing gift cards out of Denise's purse on Christmas. We don't talk to them no more. I think she's doing better. Smart girl. Taking the TD gift cards out of the box and then putting the box back in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they were always a smart kid. He's smart kid, Andy.

[H. Foley]

That was the same Christmas she told me things are going real well. Me and Dave are going to get a bank account. Almost got a bank account. They were going to move to Florida. I said, tuts, you're trying to get down to the fucking pain management capital of the world. I don't think you're drying out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Save the taxpayers the extradition.

[H. Foley]

Save us the southwest flight, will you? This one's great. This is from Foley's Grundle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hold on a second, dude. They're moving down the floor every listen.

[H. Foley]

A lot of dirt bags I grew up with. Some of them rest in peace. Some of them still banging at some point.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'd be my move, dog.

[H. Foley]

They all. This is before we. The. This is before all those pain clinics were exposed. But they all wanted to go to Florida. Some of them went to Arizona, straightened out stuff like that. New Mexico, I think they think the weather and though you're gonna start running or something becoming giant of tuberculosis.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't need the dry heat. Are you Doc Holliday? Ah, if I walk in here one day and say I'm thinking about moving to Jacksonville. Slap the cuffs on me, boys.

[H. Foley]

You already got the sunglasses on. This one's good. This is from Foley's Grundle. I got fucked up on Zannies one time. Hid my bottle of pills in my ounce of wheat from myself. I woke up the next day and accused my brother of stealing it. It got heated. We end up wrestling around. I got my ass kicked. I was still fucked up yet. Yeah, right. We moved out of the house a few months later and I found my pills and weed hidden in the slit in the back of the couch. I never told him I found them. That was a good hiding spot. If you could get behind a piece of fabric and close that back up or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that's too good.

[H. Foley]

Sitting on the stash. No one knows. This one's good too. Driving in reverse. My dad spanked my brother on the bench in the parking lot of the beach. No big deal. We got home and the cops were waiting in our driveway. Someone had called to report him for child abuse. My father said to the cop, you know how it is. Sometimes they need discipline. The cop said, hey, I get it. People overreact to this kind of stuff. They shook hands and the cop drove off early. 2000s was a different time. Hey, listen, it's like Donnie Brasco. My hands. Oh, my hands are bruised. Talking to the spanking. Listen, I wasn't there. I don't know. Was described as. I don't get involved in this kind of stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had a babysitter spank me one time. Bare ass. Yeah, it was a girl.

[H. Foley]

Pay extra for that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was so strange. I remember it was on the steps. We were like three steps up on the steps, going upstairs to my house in Wilkes Barre. She spanked me. Can't remember why. Fucking freak. That tight little ass back then. Too soft.

[H. Foley]

Uh huh. I had a babysitter's boyfriend push me down the stairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm with him.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I was young. I was like five or six. Danny was running his mouth. Danny is running his mouth to the kid. This is my brother. My mom leaves. Probably going to work or whatever. I never told you this.

[Kevin Ryan]

This whores got some.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, she has a guy come over who was like, waiting.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever guy she's currently sleeping with is over.

[H. Foley]

She has a guy, like, pull up, like minutes after my mom. He must have been down the block, like laying in the sea, waiting for the, you know, the Taurus to pull out or whatever. So she leaves. He pulls up and Danny's like, you. Is this all about. He starts running his mouth. Whatever, whatever. So I got cool. We can start talking. I start talking. I always got hit for talking shit. And Danny's in his face, and I'm in his face, and I get fucking pushed.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's probably a teenager.

[H. Foley]

He's probably in his twenties. I'm seven. Six. Seven. Danny's twelve or something. Danny knows he can't beat him up as a fucking grown man. So we go over and get my neighbor.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you, 200? What are you, 200 at the time?

[H. Foley]

Deuce, deuce and a quarter. 215. I was on. I was only Atkins at the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably thought you were in college. He's got a baby face.

[H. Foley]

I'm bald.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kid's built like a linebacker. Your glasses on?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Danny went and got my neighbor, who was a badass dude, he's a roofer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Went and got your neighbor?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

After he pushed you down the steps?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Well, Danny's like. This guy just threw him. Like, Danny's. If I'm 7, Danny's 11. This guy's 20 something. Could be 50 for all I know. Fucking full grown man. And it's like, clearly this guy's okay with hitting children. So Danny's like, I'm gonna get my footage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Steps. The steps that you're with your mom's?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which ones?

[H. Foley]

The front steps.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait a minute. The ones inside?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doesn't have a turn on it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I. I fell. I landed on the landing. We were up top yeah, it's like a full flight. Shit's second. Second floor. I remember bouncing up, being like, whoa, this guy don't play. This guy's like riff raff all over again. He don't like to talking. He goes right to action.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, I called you a jerk off. That's my bad.

[H. Foley]

So we got off on the wrong foot here, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just. You just crack your neck like. All right, you want to play dirty, huh?

[H. Foley]

He touched me, he grabbed one of the poles. I rip it out, fucking snap it over my knee.

[Kevin Ryan]

Prison rules, huh, tough guy? I heard about you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yourself, Quite a bull here, Megan.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not the limp dick she had in here last week, I take it. My cousin Pat and my cousin Joe, when they'd babysit, they would bring broads over there. And they were in high school, man, they were like grown women, me and my brother. I heard this girl in a cheerleading outfit came up.

[H. Foley]

Was she a stripper? Showing up in a cheerleader?

[Kevin Ryan]

It was like after school wearing a coughlin cheerleading outfit. 10 year old little chubster like me trying to kick game.

[H. Foley]

And you like ice cream.

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to get a little nip of beer every once in a while when the boys were over. Sure nice. Because we'd do the pouring. They had the kegger. My dad had a kegerator. He had a fridge with a keg. So we'd go pour the beers for the boys.

[H. Foley]

That ain't bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was all right. Learn how to pour a nice beer side. Real nice. Crisp and cold. Probably Jenny cream ale.

[H. Foley]

Wait, what did. Danny, what is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, what did he say to the neighbor?

[H. Foley]

Yo, this guy just whatever. Hey, man, get over here. This guy means business.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, Kevin's down.

[H. Foley]

That's his problem. He should have been running his mouth little like him.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need a second to take this guy.

[H. Foley]

And I think my. The neighbor was kind of like, ah, what the fuck are you dragging me into? Like a domestic dispute. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not really. I don't know this fucking guy.

[H. Foley]

He don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, domestic is when you know the person.

[H. Foley]

I know, but he's going, I'm just walking into a house of this guy. Like, does he have a guy? I don't know, a knife, a gun? He's hitting children. I might. Listen, I might have slipped and blamed it on the guy too. I don't. I don't fully remember. I'd hit my head. Now I remember. I remember opening my eyes, being like, whoa, this is serious business here. I remember Danny being like, what The.

[Kevin Ryan]

The guy come over.

[H. Foley]

The guy came over and called. I, I. This is where I remember the guy. The guy had, like, a really big truck, right? My neighbor.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I know?

[H. Foley]

And he pulled up in the truck. That's what I remember. And I think at this point, I remember coming in the driveway. I remember. I remember him vividly. He had a backwards hat on. Dude was Kyle tatted up. And I remember then talking. I don't remember. That's all I remember. I remember me looking out the garage and seeing him. I think he backed in, too. Backed into the driveway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa.

[H. Foley]

That's like. What the. Yeah, big, big, like, like.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you ever see that babysitter again?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's a family friend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did you ever see that dude again?

[H. Foley]

No, I don't think we told my mom either. Danny was probably going through her purse or something, got caught. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, whatever the he was doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pulling out her tampons.

[H. Foley]

Probably trying to sell this. Probably trying to sell the guy weed and sold them a beat bag or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

That'll be a dude. All right. You get the ace. Sure. But you want to go for a quarter?

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna land a chick like this. You need at least a quop on you. All right, we got. We gotta wrap it up. It's such a good word.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's kind bud right there, dude.

[H. Foley]

Listen, bubblegummer like you is a good starter pack.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, don't smoke that and freak out and then start calling me, huh?

[H. Foley]

Listen, we never met each other, all right? You were never here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, gang, what a fun episode. We love you. Thank you for sharing all those things.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, well, Home Run a stories showing a glimpse of the true dirtbags you are.

[Kevin Ryan]

Home Run. Grab your tickets to the Back on the Block tour. Come out and tell us a little more. Find out what happened to that Adderall. We love you. We'll see you next week.

[H. Foley]

Peace.