Family Vacations Edition w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

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Are You Garbage? – "Family Vacations Edition" w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Date: August 18, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Theme: A hilarious and brutally honest deep dive into the "garbage" side of family vacations—childhood, adulthood, friends, family, sketchy motels, and spectacular vacation fails.

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Episode Overview

In this theme episode, the hosts—Kevin and Foley—take a break from grilling guests and instead turn the lens on their own pasts (and the wild tales of their listeners) to explore what makes a family vacation truly "garbage." From six-hour motel trips gone wrong to fights on the boardwalk, the boys revel in blue-collar vacation traditions, financial struggles, and the unique mayhem only a family getaway can bring. They poke fun at each other's families, commiserate about cheap motels and wild relatives, and read Patreon submissions so trashy they'll make you grateful for your worst vacation memories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Defining a “Garbage” Vacation

• Immediate Theme: Vacations are a rare luxury for working-class families, loaded with stress, oddball traditions, and hilarious misadventures.
• Kevin on the scarcity of vacations:
  “We were never a big vacation family... You get handed down the shore to the aunt’s house, the cousin’s house.” (06:38)

2. Family Vacation Destinations & Styles

• Down the Jersey Shore, summer beach houses, the Poconos — never anywhere glamorous or out of season.
• Motels, not hotels—and always with crowded rooms and questionable amenities.
• One-off attempts at being "fancy" (Sandals Jamaica, Disney trips) often derailed by money issues or outside circumstances.
  Memorable quote from Kevin:
  “We checked into a motel, f***ing bedbugs... That’s the only night I’ve ever spent in the Hamptons.” (04:37)

3. Vacation Economics

• Families booking vacations only after payday; living on a shoestring for weeks after.
  Kevin: “I would buy it the second I got my check and then just live broke for the next two and a half weeks.” (05:01)
• The financial tightrope: incidentals at motels, overdrawn cards, friends/relatives footing bills, or offering up charity (21:00–31:00).

4. Listener Stories – The Heart of Garbage

• Patreon Questions: Listeners submit their own tales, ranging from family group trips gone wrong to cringe-worthy group vacations with friends.
  • Dad’s card declines for theme park tickets; sister’s boyfriend bails out the family (29:48).
  • Grandpa takes 22 family members on a cruise with just four rooms, sparking a decade-long family rift (35:08).
  • Road trips that are abandoned mid-route—"By the time we got to DC, my dad bought plane tickets... as far away from each other as possible" (60:00).
  • Visiting mom’s boyfriend’s parents: “Dude, it sucks... there were three kids riding a pig down the street.” (54:41)

5. Fighting, Failing, and Fights on Vacation

• Vacations always risk ending in blowout arguments, especially during forced family togetherness.
• Foley: “Fighting on vacation scars you” (15:28)
• Strategy: "I just go, yo—we’re coming in for three days, two nights. I’m in, I’m out.” (36:51)

6. Friends, Friends’ Families, & Group Trips

• Group vacations with friends rarely pan out, often dissolving into petty resentment or logistical disaster.
• Tales of showing up with no money, no girlfriend, and no plan:
  Foley: “I never had that kind of stuff... if I was in that group, you showed up, no money. No broads, no chicks.” (23:12–23:28)

7. Blue-Collar Details & “Making the Best of It”

• “Pop down the seat in the Taurus and crawl back into the trunk for snacks.” (43:56)
• Tense car rides home, sunburnt—with no AC and no food at home (39:22).
• The impact of divorce and stepfamilies on weird, forced, and sometimes traumatic vacation dynamics (52:00–53:59).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Check-to-Check Vacation Planning:
  Kevin: “I would buy it the second I got my check and then just live broke for the next two and a half weeks.” (05:01)
• On Family Fights:
  Foley: “Fighting on vacation scars you.” (15:28)
• On Blue-Collar Beach Rentals:
  Kevin: “Anytime we ever rented a house in Wildwood... sometimes the house is split in the middle and there’s someone just on the other side of the wall, you know. So we were a lot of that and you always just compared yourself to the people upstairs or next door. And you just went—at least we’re not them. Or wow, look at them.” (14:47)
• Listener Tales:
  • Listener submission: “Is it garbage if your dad’s credit card gets jammed up at the... hotel, and your sister’s high school boyfriend has to pay to get in?” (29:48)
  • Listener submission: “For my grandparents’ anniversary, they took 22 of us on a cruise and only got four rooms. Long story short, we haven’t spoken to half the family in 10 years since that trip.” (35:08)
  • Listener submission: “By the time we got to DC, my dad bought plane tickets for each of us as far away as possible on the plane.” (60:00)
• On Shared Trauma:
  Foley: “Familiarity breeds contempt, a wise man once said. ...My dad’s buddy, Mac. He’s a teacher.” (37:18)
• On Garbage Group Trips:
  Foley recounting Lake George camping: “Me, Shriner Dufresne, my buddy Dell... we were in a two-person tent for two weeks. ...We stood outside the restaurant starving. ...The couples just went to lunch.” (22:02–22:42)
• On Relatives’ “Exotic” Trips:
  Kevin: “My dad would get, because he would buy so much like PVC from ABC Plumbing or whatever, they would give you customer of the year. We’ll send you on an Apple’s vacation to Portugal... and I would sit there like he was Magellan.” (10:29–10:54)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 04:00 – The worst Hamptons “vacation” stories
• 05:00 – Booking vacations right after payday
• 06:55 – Growing up without winter vacations
• 08:30 – Disney and the bumblebee plane
• 14:45 – Tales of shabby beach rentals and comparing yourself to the neighbors
• 15:28 – “Fighting on vacation scars you"
• 21:00–31:00 – Listener submissions: declining cards, group trips, bachelor party charity cases
• 35:08 – Cruise disaster: 22 people, 4 rooms, 10-year family grudge
• 39:22 – Coming home to an empty house after a failed trip
• 54:41 – Listeners’ tales: "Three kids riding a pig," meeting stepfamily in rural Florida
• 60:00 – Cutting a road trip short, buying plane tickets halfway through

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Tone & Language

• Authentic, blue-collar Northeast banter: Roasts fly fast, stories are graphic and self-deprecating, and both hosts embrace their own “garbage” upbringings.
• Playful insults and affectionate ribbing. Both hosts joke about each other's families, struggle, and mishaps with the tone of old friends busting chops.
• Listener participation is integral; their stories of trashy vacations become jumping-off points for the hosts’ own tales and insights.
• Language is irreverent and R-rated (occasional swearing, vulgarity, and adult themes, but never mean-spirited).

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Standout Themes

• Vacation as struggle, not escape: Blue-collar working families may crave escape, but budget and dysfunction always follow.
• Planning disparity: “You got to put the deposit down?... I have $400 now, something two months away.” (26:53)
• Financial shame: The recurring motif—being broke on a vacation, depending on friends or others to get by, feeling "less than."
• Comparison and insecurity: Always measuring against neighbors, family, strangers—no one’s really living up to their own expectations.

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Closing Thoughts

Kevin and Foley masterfully blend their own nostalgia, listener confessions, and savage wit to demonstrate:
No matter how garbage your family vacations were, someone out there has you beat.
Whether it’s splitting a cruise cabin with six relatives, getting your theme park entry paid by your sister’s boyfriend, or getting left in a rural trailer park with kids riding pigs, these stories unite listeners in the shared experience of hilarious, real, working-class dysfunction.

Foley: “Build your own traumas, build your own memories. We love you. We’ll see you next week.” (62:28)

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Transcript

[A]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is are you garbage? Oh yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a good to be classy.

[B]

Hello.

[A]

Or if they're just a big old piece of trash, isn't it? I'm your host. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here with Tooties in the new edition. She's upstairs snorting athletes foot power. She ran out of the good stuff.

[B]

I don't get you little tenactic powder. Tough acting.

[A]

She's up there doing gold bond.

[B]

Lots of good stuff. Not bad. That's name brain.

[A]

Plus she stays dry all day. Mike Co is coming at you from across the table. He's my best pal in the whole wide world. He's the king of the burbs. He's a new father, He's a homeowner. He's got cars, he's got a loving wife.

[B]

He's got.

[A]

He's doing all right. He's a good kid. Plus he's down a couple of pounds. And you know his best pal is me. He's a lucky guy. Give it up for kj Kevin, James Ryan everybody.

[B]

What up gang? Shout out to ya.

[A]

Did you ever think about that?

[B]

What?

[A]

I'm your best pal in the whole wide world.

[B]

How lucky are you?

[A]

How lucky are you, huh? Got uncle Hank.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Throw a chuckle to you.

[B]

Very, very, very lucky. If that's all it was, it'd be okay. Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate review subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And. And guys, get your. Get your fucking Werner ladders out because the boys are climbing the charts. All right. Get your six footer.

[A]

We don't need no help over there. We're in a goddamn charts.

[B]

Get your fucking 10 footer out. Get your little whoopty whoop. Get what at your high reach because the boys are going up the charts.

[A]

So if we snub you over there on Spotify, it's because we're killing it.

[B]

It's because we're top dog over there. Not top dog, we're top 35. Top 35 over on YouTube. We need you the Spotify.

[A]

We're the cool kids in school. So we'll talk after school, all right?

[B]

It's like school versus summer camp. I can't be fucking mixing worlds over there.

[A]

Sure, I was like that. By the way.

[B]

What?

[A]

You know I can't talk to you.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You know, in high school I wouldn't like that. Talk to everybody.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You. I would have iced.

[B]

Okay. Your best friend, right? You just said I'm your best friend.

[A]

You fucking iced in the summer. Can't be talking to some kid with Kool Aid around his fucking lips or whatever you were doing.

[B]

Yeah, we both look alike then.

[A]

I never had that shit. Dirty pizza breath.

[B]

And then obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com alreadygarbage. Go over there. You get all that bonus content, Gang, I'm talking two episod at the ten dollar level. The ten dollar level. You get two episodes every week. Let me. Let me school you in. If. If you're out there, you don't know. What is Patreon. I don't know. That's for the weirdos. That's for the boy. It's for the homies. There's over 15,000 of them.

[A]

15,000?

[B]

15,000. I could sell out Madison Square Garden.

[A]

If everybody showed up and we moved the stage.

[B]

I did a real big stage.

[A]

Why? How many does that hold?

[B]

I don't know. Get a number on that at a concert.

[A]

22.

[B]

No, 35 at a concert. Probably like 17 or something like that.

[A]

17?

[B]

Not. What. Not with the stage. A week I'd have. We'd each have our own stage. Big. Take up the floor, take it up close. Out that time I would go up.

[A]

Like that so I can slide down like you two used to do that long ass stage.

[B]

I saw someone, Katy Perry, backflipping through the crowd and it's like, what are we doing? That's like that. I want. I don't. I don't think I'd want to see that.

[A]

No. You don't like back flipping?

[B]

What's the. I mean, go. Go see a fucking circus if you want to see that.

[A]

What about Chris Brown or Usher? You ever see those guys dance?

[B]

Man, they got the moves. They pull your girl up out of.

[A]

The crowd, it is finger blast.

[B]

And do that. That Afro Caribbean dancing on her good night.

[A]

Bumping and grinding.

[B]

Yeah, what do you got on. What do you got on MSG? 1955,000. Sell them tickets.

[A]

He's got bad numbers. You don't know what the hell he's doing. Stop by the corner office, say what's up to Luke. Everybody really tanking over there. Been sick for like a week.

[B]

I know. Supposed to be in the Hamptons, Rich.

[A]

This prick.

[B]

I ain't never been to the Hamptons.

[A]

You know what he said?

[B]

I went to the. I went to Montauk once for my. For my wife's fucking like 33rd birthday. I took her out.

[A]

You did? You weren't in the Hamptons?

[B]

I was in Montauk.

[A]

Is that the Hamptons?

[B]

Yeah. I don't know.

[A]

I was in Tim Dillon's driveway once.

[B]

Oh, I did go to Tim's. Yeah?

[A]

Yeah, Pretty cool.

[B]

Was not let in. He took the flatbread I brought.

[A]

I know this. You went to a restaurant? You didn't like it?

[B]

No, we went.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I'm telling you as your best friend, I'm telling you. No. We went off season on a Wednesday night. It took. Fuck, it took like six hours to get out. It's brutal.

[A]

It's great the whole way.

[B]

Dude, we got out there, it was dark. Checking into a mo state at a motel. Fucking bedbugs. Go. It was bad. It was rough. That's the only night I've been in that for one night.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

I really. Wow.

[A]

This broad. Sounds like it.

[B]

I was pretty good at doing vacations and stuff like that. I book it right when I got my check. Right when I got direct depend.

[A]

What? Did you ever go?

[B]

What?

[A]

Would you ever take her?

[B]

Nah, I'd be like. If I went to see or what? Or like anything. I was just good at like managing the cash flow to get the plane ticket or whatever, you know what I mean? Kinda like I would buy it the second I got my check and then just live broke for the next two and a half weeks. And I would time it with when I was getting paid again. So I'd be getting paid the day I left. I was leaving Friday. I made sure I booked my ticket for a Friday that was payday caked up. I could have a burger and a beer at the airport bar.

[A]

Love a burger and a beer at the airport bar, don't you? You weren't sacrificing that, were you? No matter what happened after that. So you go over there. You go over to Germany, stay with her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Borrow money off her.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Now look at you.

[B]

Yeah, huh?

[A]

Sure taught her, huh?

[B]

Yeah. Right now, now. Now who's laughing?

[A]

Kind of knocked up.

[B]

Getting screwed every which.

[A]

Trapped in the house.

[B]

I mean, I bought a fixer upper. Didn't know it was a fixer upper.

[A]

Listen to me.

[B]

What?

[A]

You're a good kid and I love you.

[B]

Thanks.

[A]

You Know what I want to talk to you about?

[B]

What's that, bud?

[A]

Vacations.

[B]

Oh, thanks for bringing that up.

[A]

No problem. My idea.

[B]

Telling me like it wasn't my idea.

[A]

Doing themes. Doing themes here on the show. Changing it up a little bit. Scandals and animals.

[B]

Only in New York.

[A]

I think about that all the time.

[B]

What?

[A]

We're in Antuties, but we're broadcasting from New York City. Yeah, I always want to do it as a little kid.

[B]

As a little kid. You want to broadcast from New York City?

[A]

Yeah, when I watch Letterman, we do a little show here out of New York City. We're broadcasting from New York City.

[B]

Huh?

[A]

It's pretty sweet.

[B]

Yeah. I'm only doing it for five years. Fucking four days a week. It's just hitting you. Hey, buddy, up the meds, will you? This guy take a couple of fucking reality pills. Check the friggin. No, it's as you said. I've. I was. We were never a big vacation fan. Went down the shore. You get ended down the shore, the aunt's house, the cousin's house and fucking.

[A]

That was it.

[B]

That was it. That was it. And I've said that to my wife. She's like, we never went on vacations. I was like. We went on. We went down the shore a lot. So it was like. You don't go on vacation in the winter. Like you don't. We never like fucking went anywhere because it was. We went every.

[A]

They ever take you out of school? You ever. You ever. You never went on a vacation in like October or something like that?

[B]

We tried to go to Jamaica. We tried to go to Sandals once because that's where my mom and my stepdad would go every year. And they got married there, right? And we tried to go the next year, I think for their one year anniversary.

[A]

All together.

[B]

All together. And there was some sort of coup. There was some sort of. The government had raised the taxes and they gave. They gave. They gave a travel advisory not to go to Jamaica. So we're not going. My mom was already nervous going to Sandals, let alone fucking.

[A]

You're down there with a beret and a fucking machete trying to do the accent. Holy shit. We wouldn't make it as gorillas, I don't think. No, we wouldn't be good gorillas cave in two seconds.

[B]

Yeah. So we had to do. So we. We did a last minute change to go to Disney and we flew air.

[A]

Those go down.

[B]

Oh, man, are you kidding me? I've had to say this. Just look. Look up. East wind. Air. There Was a bumblebee on the back. And I remember my brother going, I ain't getting on that plane. A little free, little. Little freighty.

[A]

So you did.

[B]

So you What? I mean, this plane looks like it's like they had two play only on two planes. It's like Sullivan learning center spots. They got their selling sponsorships.

[A]

Teaching you how to read in the back. So you did do that stuff?

[B]

We did it once. They changed it for like. We went down Thursday and came home Monday. I was one time.

[A]

My cousins and some friends I knew used to do that. Not every year, but like once every couple of years. That blew my mind. You take. You're getting out of school? Yeah, we're going skiing in Vail for like a week.

[B]

That's. I mean.

[A]

No, we're getting. We're going. We're getting. We're getting pulled out of school. We're going.

[B]

We would do the Poconos on the week. Like, we would do one winter trip to the Poconos. We go up to like, big Boulder Jack for all Tanglewood something.

[A]

On a weekend?

[B]

Yeah, on a weekend. Maybe May. Yeah, it was a weekend. Maybe you did. Friday afternoon you'd leave. Because the problem is my dad and my stepdad each owned small construction companies. And you can't dip. Yeah, you can't take a. If you own a small business, you can't take a week off. Then nothing's happening.

[A]

Got the cashier.

[B]

You know what I mean? You got to wait for. Yeah, you gotta make sure you collect.

[A]

Wait for the check.

[B]

General contractors tend to pay 90 day. Make you wait 90 days for your cashiche. Let me tell you. We didn't have it. So it was like. Yeah, it would be Friday to Sunday night. What? That was it.

[A]

You got a week down ashore, maybe two weeks if it was a good year.

[B]

We never. No, we were just weekends.

[A]

Never. Two vacations. One drove to Texas in 1981, straight through in a Datsun. See my cousins. And then in 1989, right after the hurricane, right after the earthquake in San Francisco, we flew to serene Lakes, California to spend like two weeks with my cousins up by Tahoe. Yeah, that's it. They're the only two vacations we ever went on.

[B]

I remember kind of shore. I remember people would go to, like, Europe as a kid, and you just. I remember Flip went to France. Who the fuck. What are you, an artist? Like, I didn't. It's just like to get my mom or dad to go to fr.

[A]

I think if my parents were millionaires, they would have Never gone.

[B]

I think for their. I think my dad. So my dad would get. Because he would buy so much like PVC from like ABC plumbing or whatever or like supply house that they would get. Hey, we're give you for being like customer of the year. We'll send you like an apple's vacation to port. I remember him and my mom went to Portugal.

[A]

Portugal?

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

Your stepdad?

[B]

No, my dad and my mom.

[A]

No shit.

[B]

Before they had kids.

[A]

Portugal.

[B]

And he would tell me do you know? He would tell me stories and I would sit there like he was Magellan. I go tell me more porch. I tell people my dad went to Portugal. Like I was. I was like, dude, that was like, you might as well. You might as well been on the moon. I was like, yeah. He like, yeah. There was cops on horse. I said cops on horses.

[A]

They speak a weird kind of Spanish over there.

[B]

The.

[A]

What's that all about by the way?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Portugal's got to show off. You can't speak Spanish. You speak Portuguese?

[B]

I don't know. I'm sure they got conquered by the. Sometimes I'm sure it's you know.

[A]

By who?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It would have to been the Spanish.

[B]

I don't think they voted to speak Portuguese. That's a no.

[A]

I think they did. They would be.

[B]

I'm thinking of Brazil. Why is Brazil speak Portuguese then?

[A]

Brazil speaks Spanish. Don't they speak Portuguese?

[B]

Yeah. Right, Luke? Yeah. Yeah. You didn't know that?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm an idiot.

[A]

I don't know where Portugal is.

[B]

It's over by.

[A]

It's over by Spain. But I. In my head it's in South America.

[B]

Brazil was colonized by Portugal.

[A]

Brazil was. No, Brazil's huge.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

They rolled over like that.

[A]

Portugal.

[B]

Portugal's tiny. No, they were one of the main. Main guys. That's what I'm saying. Yeah. I don't know what I'm talking about. Oh yeah.

[A]

Brazilians are a feisty bunch.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Brazilian chicks I've seen. Straighten you out seeing the videos.

[B]

But yeah. No. So this is what we're doing. We're doing trashy vacations. Figure out. Nice. Also I learned August is the time. People like July and it's like that's now. Cuz my. My kids, my. My brother and sister do it. They have their family vacation. Like my sister's like we go on a road trip every year and we take the kids to do some sort of like experiment. Experiential, whatever.

[A]

Like the Grand Canyon or Something.

[B]

Not that, but they'll drive to like you know, we're driving to upstate New York to see the Finger Lakes or something. I'm like what? Maurice Pier, Wildwood, New Jersey.

[A]

We'd hit a Knoebels Grove or a Great Adventure or Dorney park or something like that. Maybe Hershey park on a weekend.

[B]

Yeah. I mean that's not.

[A]

Drive down to D.C. on a weekend with the, with the families and do the, you know, see the memorial and all that stuff. Go to the Vietnam Memorial, stand there for a little bit, get something to eat and come back.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

A road trip with my family like.

[B]

Educational and they're teachers, they do the teaching stuff for me.

[A]

My dad would have lost his mind.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Couldn't do anything like that. Up people. Best vacation ever had. That was the one we went to stay with my cousins in Serene Lakes, California. That was a proper good time.

[B]

Yeah. One time. I remember one time we did Ocean City, New Jersey. No, Ocean City, Maryland. And I remember listening to a. My just listening to CDs were big at the time and my cousin had a big CD book and I just sat in the room. It rained every day. I just sat in our room.

[A]

Folks, if you're not familiar with Ocean City, Maryland a lot like Purgatory.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like aliens tried to make a shore town and missed.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

I do remember something odd about it. If you're, if you're, if you grew up going to the Jersey Shore.

[B]

So it was. I guess it was me, my mom. I don't know if my stepdad was there and our three kids and then my Aunt Karen, my Uncle John and their kids. So there's like 10 of us in a house. Something like that. Maybe more. I forget. And I remember it was like one of those tall like anytime we ever rented a house in Wild. If you ever been to Wildwood, you know these. It's like the first floor of a small cottage home or the second floor or like the back. Sometimes the first. Sometimes the house is split like in the middle and there's someone just on the other side of the wall, you know. So we were a lot of that and then there was just like you always just felt secured a toolbox. It's very true. And you always just compared yourself to the people upstairs or next door or. And you just went at least we're not them.

[A]

Or wow, look at them. That was usually our thing. And they got that place. That guy's doing all right.

[B]

No, it wasn't that. Well, it wasn't place. It was Behavior it was like these people are out there like fist fight. We called the. I remember the one. We sat out on the porch, Astroturf covered porch and called the people next to us the Springers. Because it was like watching Jerry Springer. Because we didn't have. There was like no cable. We just sat out there and the mom was fighting with the boyfriend of dad would come and fucking clean someone clock.

[A]

That was kind of us. We take over the harbor house in Ocean City. Yeah, just take over the fucking deck. Parents be drinking, hanging out all night.

[B]

I mean we did that but they would, that's what I'm saying. We, we would watch them all get in some sort of fight. That's, that's what we did. But whatever.

[A]

Fighting on vacation scars you sure?

[B]

Rama sure. But all that's neither here nor there. We gotta go. I just fucking went down a dark, dark path.

[A]

I was about to slip into it too. I remember a fight that we, the four of us got into right outside of the Coast Guard base in Cape May. I've thought for sure this was it. This family was splitting up. Never went back to Kate May until we went back with Tommy and o'. Connor.

[B]

Sure. Which we ruined that. I mean that was. We were trying to go out to a nice dinner and we all got in a big fight. Drunk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Shout out to Chris o'. Connor. Ruined dinner.

[A]

Chocolate covered strawberries. That's all my mom wanted. She a freakin place down there.

[B]

Take him in the bedroom.

[A]

We had literally just went through nuclear war. Shut up. That's why we're here gang.

[B]

That's how we got here. Broadcasting from New York City. This is like David Letterman.

[A]

Kevin. Let's talk about Hexclad.

[B]

Hexclad. Hexclad, Hexclad.

[A]

I'm talking about non stick pans. I'm talking about state of the art technology. I'm talking about the latest craze in cookware. If you ain't using Hexclad, you're a.

[B]

Gosh darn bozo gang.

[A]

I mean you might as well be cooking possum on a stick.

[B]

Listen, this couldn't have come in a crazier time. About three weeks ago I bought Hexclad. I was on the show talking and bragging about how I got Hexclad. Next thing you know, Hexclad is a sponsor. Not even connected. Two separate connected things. I got eggs going.

[A]

I thought they just sent it to him.

[B]

I got eggs going. These things don't stick at all. You can't get an Egg to stick. I mean, it's insane how good these things are. Nuts too. Hexclad pans. Truly check every single box when it comes to picking your cookware. They are metal utensil safe, dishwasher safe, oven safe up to 500 degrees. They are induction ready and even have a stay cool handle so you can saute with ease. I'm talking right now. You can get 10% off your order with our exclusive link. Just head to hexclad.com garbage and level up your kitchen before your next cookout. One more time. That's hexclad.com garbage and level up your kitchen before your next cookout. Cook better with Hexclad. Like Kipirino Gang.

[A]

This is an ad by BetterHelp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As you know, talk therapy is very important. If you're looking to take that first step, do yourself a favor, get over to BetterHelp Man. You go on there, I'll match you with a licensed therapist. You get to do it from your own home. It's about a fraction of the cost of going in. It's unbelievable. Yeah, Kevin and I both took that step.

[B]

Yeah. And it's tough. It feels like especially online, there's advice of every way. Hey, do this. Try this. The cold plunges, do this, do that. Infrared, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The Internet has a bunch of information and can be overloaded about mental health and wellness. And it can be a struggle to know what's true and which actions to take these days. Using trusted resources and talking to a live therapist and get you personalized recommendations and help you break through all of that noise. Like the big man said, this is an easy way into your mental health journey. Whether it's for a few days to talk to somebody, a long term conversation. Big we got something going on at work, relationship, anything. As the largest online therapy provider in the world, BetterHelp can provide access to mental health professionals with a diverse variety of expertise. Talk it out with Better Help our listeners get 10 off their first month at betterhelp.com garbage. That's BetterHelp. H E L p.com garbage. Do it. Do it. But we reached out to the good, the good homies over there on Patreon. And they flooded, flooded the discussion board with their stories and tales of of trashy vacations.

[A]

Kevin Ryan, everybody.

[B]

And this is one too. We forget we were looking backwards, but like there's a lot of times where people are still taking vacations with their friends, which we don't necessarily do with their friends. Yeah, like friends Go on vacation. Families, you know, two different families go on vacation together.

[A]

Yeah, we did that. You mean like people?

[B]

Yes. Like now we're not doing that. Like you don't have a friend that you're like, every year we. We get a house in the Poconos for a week.

[A]

We could.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

You weren't such a dick. You mean like guys that our age that I don't know.

[B]

You're taking this personal for some reason?

[A]

Guys that have families are like buddies, anybody?

[B]

Yes. Use your imagination. There's groups of people, their 20s, 30s, 40s, that either travel with their fat. They started off going with themselves and then they go, you know what? We each have kids the same age. Let's all go away. Let's all do that.

[A]

Isn't that crazy? There's guys our age that are doing like the dad stuff like that have like, you know, 10, 12 year olds that are like. They're doing that.

[B]

Not really. I mean, that's crazy. I mean, I guess my perspective has recently changed on it is the fact of having a kid.

[A]

But yeah, like Phil X, like Phil X does that kind of shit. He's the dad. And you'll be doing that soon.

[B]

Yeah, till she throws you out.

[A]

And you're living with me.

[B]

Oh my God, what would you do? Talk about purgatory? What would jump off the gwb?

[A]

What? Then we start going on vacation together.

[B]

Where Kate May fight you at the fucking Coast Guard's office.

[A]

Go to Patty's club, Foley. That's what we do.

[B]

Sure. I mean, we did. We've. We've all tried. When we went to Ireland, that was a vacation. I mean, that was a work trip. But we didn't do shows. We try and we, we travel very. We're a little different. We travel so much together. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, but.

[B]

All right, so this one is. This is.

[A]

People have lives.

[B]

Sure. Huh.

[A]

I never did anything like that.

[B]

What?

[A]

That, what you're saying? Like, you know. Yeah, we all go away every year, all that stuff.

[B]

Never at what age? I don't know what you're talking about. Like in your 20s, you never went on vacation with your boys? Not like a group of people.

[A]

We went camping once up at Lake George.

[B]

Who?

[A]

Me. Shriner Dufresne, My buddy Dell. My buddy.

[B]

Sound like a bunch of dead guys.

[A]

Shriner Dufresne, my buddy Nate brought his girl timepiece.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Smoke show. They had a big tent and me, Dufresne and Del were in like a two person tent.

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

You were playing nightcrawlers didn't shower for two weeks. Weren't allowed two weeks. You were there for two weeks?

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know. Shriner wanted to go up there. Shriner had a house up there. His parents have a house up there.

[B]

It sounded like he didn't have a house up there. If you stayed in the fucking 270, you stayed in a two person tent.

[A]

Now they had like a real nice house.

[B]

Remember those nice days?

[A]

We slept on the lawn one night. But for the most part we were in the campgrounds right in front of the lake. So we like bathed in the lake, brushed our teeth, stuff like that. It was hot and sweaty. It was brutal.

[B]

Really. It wasn't calm, cool, collected and comfortable.

[A]

He brought his girl too. And I remember we drove it sounds.

[B]

Like you're fucking ninth wheel in it on a fucking couple's weekend.

[A]

Me, Dell and Du Frain were ninth wheel on it. And there was two couples and we drove to Vermont, Burlington. And they all went to lunch. And we, me, Dell and Dufresne didn't have any money so the couples just.

[B]

Went to lunch like stray dogs following people around.

[A]

We stood outside the restaurant starving. Starving. Hey, guess nothing wasn't like that back then. Don't be cake.

[B]

You guys are just got a hot.

[A]

Meal at Shriners parents house. But they were always very nice. It was just a lot of us. That's the first time I ever had.

[B]

They're avoiding eye contact through the window. You guys are just standing out front of the restaurant. They're just fucking. Oh God. Are they looking at us? Yeah. Oh God.

[A]

Brutal.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean listen, I've done that. Yeah, like what you're talking about.

[B]

I wouldn't invite you guys back on a group vacation if that's. That was. That was your one group vacation you went on. If I was in that group, you showed up, no money.

[A]

Nah, no money.

[B]

No money, no. No broads, no chicks.

[A]

Now I wasn't seeing anybody.

[B]

And no pussy.

[A]

Now we would. Wasn't a swingers thing. What I did didn't matter. They had their girls in their nice big tents.

[B]

Yeah, you're probably sitting there hating on. I know you. You're not looking at a nice ass restaurant. I'm out here in the cold. Oh, you're. You know, I'm on the fucking front lines out here. Must be nice. You got your hot bra with her big tits, your bowl of fucking clam chowder. I smell like the fucking. You know, probably some of that. Going like the creek bed.

[A]

Probably some of that.

[B]

You got to cuddle up with your fucking two with Dufresne and fucking the other guy from the 20s.

[A]

Shout out to Tommy D. Yeah, I.

[B]

Would go, hey, guys, that was a lot of fun. I'd. I'd start a side group text. You go, hey, that was a lot of fun.

[A]

There's no text message back then, dickhead.

[B]

That guy Foley is a bit of a prick. Very judgmental. But.

[A]

Well, then those guys eventually like, Tommy, you know, he. You know, he got a girl and all that kind of stuff. And I think they grew and progressed and all that stuff. I never good at that kind of stuff. You probably do that shit, right? You and your buddies all go to Maine or something like that?

[B]

Usually an ac. There was an AC trip we were doing. That's not. Everyone goes to Penn State now for like a football game. That's in the fall. I kind of get that tailgate stay.

[A]

And all that kind of stuff. Get the ice cream. Exactly, loser.

[B]

I'll bring you next time. See, now you're in. Yeah, I'll sleep in a tent.

[A]

I gotta hang out with your jerk off buddies. And what kind of. Kind of tail is gonna be there?

[B]

I know. Do Frankfeld. Yeah.

[A]

Tommy D. We'd roll your crew till you sue us. Got nothing. Yeah. The reason I'm so taken aback is that stuff is so foreign to me and I. I'm jealous of it. I'm envious. I wish I had my shit together to do that kind of stuff, but I wasn't going to fucking a wine country with like, you know, I mean, there's a.

[B]

Listen, there's a difference between wine country and sleeping in someone's front yard with no money to a restaurant.

[A]

Yeah, I'm aware of that, Kevin.

[B]

I know. So. Well, I mean, we did it. We did the Poconos a couple years when we were in our early.

[A]

That's you and your fucking drugged out buddies going up there and getting all up, drinking warm beer. That's not like you were going antiquing and going out and doing stuff.

[B]

I never claimed it wasn't right.

[A]

I see your spots, leper. Don't act like you're better than me.

[B]

What were you and defrain doing? Yeah, what the getting up. Yeah, yeah, getting up. I don't know what side of this argument I'm. I don't feel attacked. I feel like I should attack you.

[A]

You're acting like you were looking at art galleries.

[B]

No, dude, that's insane.

[A]

Dirt bag.

[B]

No idea. I said I went to the Poconos with six of my Buddies. That's. I'm saying that's the extent that I did it. And I. I was the one who organized it, and I bounced the check. Shout out to Nancy Brasili.

[A]

That's what I'm talking about. That's my guy right now.

[B]

I was moving some things around.

[A]

That's my guy right. Right there. But people do do that kind of stuff. That fascinates me.

[B]

Yeah, but this, you know, obviously, I.

[A]

Know sounds crazy to everybody. That sounds nuts.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, I think. But that's what you do. I'm just trying to think. You're like, I think it sounds crazy. And your only attempt at it was to go sleep in someone's front yard. That's what I'm trying to wrap my head around. You're like, yeah, that seems so foreign to me. It's like, yeah, well, when you go on a vacation without a place to stay and no money, you might not do it again. You know what I mean? Why have a bad experience? You know what, guys? I don't know what this is all cracked up to be. Vacation sucks.

[A]

I was never able to plan it. You know, I mean, like, oh, we all got to put the deposit in now to good to go somewhere in two months. I have 400 bucks now something two months away. Yes. What? The bags right there.

[B]

That's crazy to me. Right?

[A]

People do that.

[B]

I know not. That was never me. Was net. Didn't never me. And to get like, yeah, just wasn't. Just never worked. That never worked out that way. But this wide. So this is from Steve. Is it garbage? Let one of your friends Is it garbage if you let one of your friends go on a vacation even though he hasn't paid you back for last year's? That would be a foley and probably won't pay you back for this year's. My buddy still owes me 90 bucks from last year, and I told him it's 300 for this year. He replies, sheesh, That's a lot of money.

[A]

That's a good friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's gonna get old, though.

[B]

Yeah. I was gonna say at some point that where now this guy's in 300, he's in 90 from. So he paid.

[A]

What's he doing going on vacation if you don't got the cash?

[B]

That's what I'm saying to you. What the you talking about? You on vacation? Couldn't afford to go to a restaurant.

[A]

And I went the other way. Either this guy's gonna not be in their lives in a few years, or he's gonna get his together. Yeah, I want the other way.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

See you guys later.

[B]

But you gotta. You gotta think. It starts getting expensive for that guy. He's in. 300 for him, 300 for himself, for his boy, 90 from his boy for last time. That's 400. That's easy for fucking 690.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

That's a lot of cash.

[A]

I wouldn't be able to do it. I wouldn't be able to go on vacation and enjoy myself knowing that he paid for it.

[B]

Yeah, no, I'm the same way. I mean, no, I should say. When I was very, very broke, I. Everybody paid my way Shout out Phil. Shout out Pat. Shout out goo. Everybody paid my. Everyone paid my way Been a vacation. I went on Phil's bachelor party. I landed with like 80 bucks. And everybody shout out to big gay aunt Black Phil. Everybody just. I was the charity case.

[A]

I certainly wouldn't be picking appetizers at the table. Oh, if one of these. One of those.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Get your bowl of soup and shut up.

[B]

All right. That sucks. Bachelor party in Atlantic City. I was doing the math and I was like, all right, I can get out of here for, you know, out of the dinner for like a buck. I could get out of here for a buck.

[A]

I know the story you're man.

[B]

Some guy ordered around the shots for the table, said, what the fuck is even about to fake a heart attack? Fuck that. Yeah, that shit sucked. Yeah. All right. This one's from fridge Sigs. 10$, homie. Never had one red. Is it garbage if your dad's credit card gets jammed up at the. For the hotel incidentals hold and we get declined at the gates to the theme park. And your sister's high school boyfriend has to pay to get in. Oh, that. You pay for everybody, I guess if your cards fucking decline from the man. When you're walking that tightrope on a vacation, that hotel incidental can be devastating.

[A]

Brutal.

[B]

Devastating. It could. It could change your month if it jams you up and there's. There's overages and you always gotta. You gotta. I remember. I remember being with you, checking in to do shows, I think in AC or somewhere. We're going, we'll give you the cash. Like, I'll give you $200 cash to hold.

[A]

I didn't have a credit card or a bank card at the time.

[B]

We had one, but. You had one, but the reservation was in my name. It was your car. I mean, we were. We were traveling like terrorists, dude. We were traveling like Al Qaeda. It Was bad. A bunch of box cutters on us.

[A]

Strip clubs and flying lessons. That's how we do it, dog. Dude, we were, six of us in an extended stay, two bedroom, doing key bumps at the club, flying Cessnas around.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, no, talk about it since. It's crazy. We didn't end up on a watch list for moving like we were moving. Prepaid gift cards and shit.

[A]

I saw. I saw a guy do cash for the incidentals.

[B]

I've tried. They never accepted it.

[A]

This guy could.

[B]

And debit. They take more. That's the fucking problem. Credit. Let's just say credit's 100. Debit would be like 2, 250. So if you go, I got the hundred. They go, cash, we need more cash. I go, I'll give you the actual cash.

[A]

Let me ask you this.

[B]

Why they don't take it?

[A]

You got my credit card or whatever. When you check in a hotel, why do you got to take that out? You don't got to take that out. You have my payment information. If the fucking M&Ms. Aren't there in the morning.

[B]

Yeah, but you could cancel it. Or it could be like stolen and they could cancel it. You know, listen.

[A]

Yeah. They want to keep that cash in their pocket so they can invest it in the market and then give it back to you. That's how they do it. Try to Hilton. Stay in business.

[B]

Sure. Trading yen and shit overnight while I'm so. I'm counting fucking sheep. They're. Fuck it. And they're playing with currency.

[A]

I fuck all that shit up now anyway.

[B]

What?

[A]

Take the 50 bucks. I want to crush everything in there. We all do. Fucking almonds, beef jerky, M and M's, gummies.

[B]

Shit. Yeah, that's all set up. That's how they get you. People be fucking.

[A]

I want them to get me now.

[B]

People are putting their fingers in there.

[A]

And nobody's putting their.

[B]

They got the snack bar downstairs. That's where I get my snacks.

[A]

Yeah, you're paying retail like a dickhead.

[B]

You're paying more than retail.

[A]

Yeah, they got the good gummy bears. I'm not getting Hari, but I'm getting the nice fucking. You know, the nice ones.

[B]

You're a hoity toity.

[A]

The ones in the back of home goods. Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Real crump today.

[B]

What?

[A]

Bit of a diva.

[B]

Yeah. What the. Damned if you do, damned if you don't.

[A]

Guy, dude, high school boyfriend, paying for the family. You know, next weekend when I come.

[B]

Over, you are wearing the pants.

[A]

We're going to Stay in the same bed. Is that all right? Just in there.

[B]

Hey, from now on when I stay there's the boyfriend going. From now on when I stay over. You guys sleep in her room. We went to master suite. I want your bed. Dad, take this broad to friggin.

[A]

I know where you're going.

[B]

That's crazy dude. You've lost all you as a dad. You cannot bounce back from that tight unit.

[A]

Maybe it's special situation.

[B]

I will I let me. I would never feel okay.

[A]

Disney World too. Who the fuck is this kid with that kind of cage to send a fucking family of four into Disney World?

[B]

I don't know if it was Disney. It's at the theme park.

[A]

I want this. It's got Busch Gardens or no.

[B]

Yeah, he would have said Epcot or something. He would have faced her net.

[A]

Just a bit of a. Just a bit of a side sidebar.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

Were you big on that? Were you. Were you big on in high school having sex in your parents bed?

[B]

It might know.

[A]

Luke.

[B]

No.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

Okay. Bit of a freak. Moving on.

[A]

It's always the move.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like if my parents were out of town and they stayed over. Hey, stay in the Nair. Do it in there. Is that weird?

[B]

Hey man, you know it's very like an 80s thing to me. They're very 80s. You are very.

[A]

You never had sex in your parents bed?

[B]

Never.

[A]

Really?

[B]

You want to probably nice they listen. Jesus Christ. Slop hour are you throwing around here? It's a goddamn family program.

[A]

You better not ever done anything like that in your parents home. By the way, you heathen. I think you have sneak in there. I got your dad's jacket on. Nice Patagonia.

[B]

You're reading the newspaper? Ah yes. I don't know take down to take you down to filth town. All right, let's see here. This is from Hulk. $10 Long island, homie. Is it garbage if your grandpa for your grandparents anniversary they took you on a Cruise. There was 22 of us and they only got four rooms. Long story short, we haven't spoken to half the family in 10 years since that trip. Man, those cruise rooms are small. We did Burt's cruise and like we had a big room. Like we had like a big 22, four rooms. What's that come out to? Six, seven people a room. Yeah, and they're like. They're built to like house people. But really Max, at 4, you know those there's not a lot of like activity room.

[A]

They were below the water line for sure.

[B]

I would scare the bejesus down there.

[A]

With the Italians, like on a Titanic.

[B]

Wake up an octopus looking at you through a porthole.

[A]

Fucking singing around a barrel. Get out of here.

[B]

No, that's.

[A]

That's like being in the Navy.

[B]

Yeah, that fucking triple stack bunks and shit. No way, dude. Talk about hot bunking.

[A]

See, that's also too with the friends going on vacation. That's how fucking friendships break up, dude, shit like that. Also, you don't talk to nobody anymore.

[B]

So you're getting out ahead of it.

[A]

Getting out ahead of it.

[B]

That's what you do. Yeah, that's crazy. I mean, that many people, you're asking for it. Listen, if the big trip, if the grandparents are paying for 22 people to go, and you get damn. Well, the grandparents weren't fucking sharing a room. So that's 22 people in three rooms. That's 20 people in three rooms.

[A]

You think?

[B]

I mean, who. It's their anniversary.

[A]

Say no more.

[B]

You shouldn't. That shouldn't be the trip. It shouldn't be the trip.

[A]

You should just go out to eat, man.

[B]

22 people on a cruise, that's like 20 grand. That's a lot of fucking cash.

[A]

Lot of cash.

[B]

Go get a house in fucking, you know, Tampa for the week and just fucking go post up, get some seafood. Yeah, something. Let the run. You run around. But dude, that's. That's how that shit ends up. Bad. And I've learned enough from like, not talking to family members, fighting, traveling this and that and all this kind of shit. It's like, that's just bad news. I know we go down. I go away with my family once a year now. My mom, my brother, his family, my sister, her family, me and my wife. And now my family always ends up.

[A]

In a cat fight, too. I hear you bitching.

[B]

Yeah, we just go. Like, I just go, yo, I. They go for a week or whatever, five days. I go, we're coming in for three days, two nights. I'm in, I'm out. You stay in there. You get hectic. I just want drinking too much. I'm drinking too much. I'm stepping away to catch a heater. They're getting mad. They're getting mad. Who wants dinner? They want meatballs. I want fucking pizza. Oh, it's a lot. Too many people to make a decision. 22 people's too many people to make a decision.

[A]

Familiarity breeds contempt, A wise man once said.

[B]

Who?

[A]

My dad's buddy, Mac. He's a teacher.

[B]

My dad's buddy, lug nut, smart guy.

[A]

Hell of a softball Player too.

[B]

Yeah. All right. Let's see here. This one's from Malcolm. $5. Son of a logger. Never had one Red. Little bit of a story time. We were poor as hell in northern Maine, so we didn't vacation much. One year, we were able to get my dad's boss to let us use his camp on a lake for a week. It was really remote and had zero amenities. The bathroom facilities were an outhouse. This was not a retreat by any stretch. About three days in, my aunt drove all the way out to tell us that our electricity had been shut off due to lack of payment. So we had to bag the rest of the vacation to get home and try to save as much food in the freezer as we could. We left our vacation of no amenities. Go to go back to our home with no amenities. See you bozos in Burlington in October. That sucks, because at least when you're on vacation, you're like, I just want to get home and be in my bed.

[A]

The aunt could have shut the fuck up and let you enjoy the vacation.

[B]

The food's going bad.

[A]

All right.

[B]

You need to listen if you're making that trip back you. I'm not here to throw shade at the economic situation. They need that grub. That could be the. That could be the food for the winter.

[A]

Why didn't she take it over to her place, put in her freezer, let them enjoy their vacation?

[B]

It sounds like they were all living together. If you're catching my. How the Would the. How the would the. The. The ant noted electricity got shut off. She ain't in the house with her curling iron. You know what I mean?

[A]

Sherbert's all melted, dude.

[B]

Electricity getting shut off is jammed the floor up.

[A]

I was real close a month ago.

[B]

Yeah, but in New York, they don't. I mean, like, I've gone that. You can go like 10 months without it. They do. They gotta come. They gotta do like a wellness check. They can't shut that. People die. You freeze you out.

[A]

Just dump some flies on me.

[B]

That sucks.

[A]

That sucks.

[B]

It's like dude driving. Dude driving home to a house with no pet. You know, they got home at night too. That.

[A]

Oh, for sure.

[B]

Worried about a monster under the bed. The. That dude that. Getting home from vacation at night time, driving home from the shore. Hot as in that Ford Taurus. No ac. Me and Danny fighting all to pull up in the driveway.

[A]

Sunburn, pitch black.

[B]

Just no food in the crib. Sucked. Whatever we brought back from the shore. Half a bag of goldfish that didn't.

[A]

Make it past Farley's like five craft singles kit. What do you know about Brunt?

[B]

I know a lot about Brunt. Why don't you tell the good folks at home about Brunt?

[A]

We've been talking about Brunt gang. A lot of times when you're on the, when you know you're on a job site or whatever. When you're a working man, you gotta either sacrifice comfort or durability.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Right. You want to be comfortable and you look like a lot going to be that durable. Okay? If you're going to be durable, they're not going to be that comfortable. Brunt has fused the two together. The most comfortable, durable work boots that you're ever going to put on. You'll be. You'll be walking on clouds at the job site. So do yourself a favor, get over.

[B]

To Brunt and listen. You'll be turning some heads over there at the roach coach. Everybody go look at the new boots on. Look at the new boots on Henry.

[A]

Chili dog never looks so good.

[B]

Why don't you, why don't you bring them boots on over my way? You know what I mean? That kind of stuff. Yeah. Start getting cat called from a couple of construction workers. Listen, I've worked some manual labor in my day and I always looked and felt like a bozo. I was always under prepared. I had a bad pair of bad pair of boots that were too. I was using my brother's old boots, his boots. The boots were wet, they were dry. It's you just listen, do it right. Brunt isn't just work boots though. They offer a full range of high performance gear. Built for tough jobs. From heavy duty work pants to weather resistant jackets, Brunt designs durable, reliable workwear to keep you protected and productive in any condition. We got a lot of blue collar workers out there. Get some Brunt and show up proper. Brunt was tired of workwear brands that we're out there cutting corners. You work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots that don't hold up so they built something better. Boots are insanely comfortable and built for any job site. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt. When you use the code garbage at checkout, just head to bruntworkwear.com use the code garbage and you're good to go. And after you order the where you heard about Brunt, do us a favor and tell the boys sent you.

[A]

We love you, Kevin. Let's talk about acorns.

[B]

Shout out to OG Acorns.

[A]

Can I say something Can I be honest here? This isn't coffee. This isn't anything. I started doing Acorns kind of forgot about it.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And I went and took a peek. I thought I had like a couple hundred bucks in there. I had like two or three grand in there. I wouldn't have been able to save. Listen, I can't save anything. I'm horrible with money. Acorns is the only thing that I've ever come across where I've been able to save money. And there's your ad right there.

[B]

Yeah, that's straight talk. Acorns is a financial wellness app that helps you invest for your future, save for tomorrow and spend smarter today. Listen, one of the main features of the app is you can set like hey, if you spend $5 and 50 cents on your debit card, it'll put. It'll round it up and put that 50 cents into an account for you. So. Or you can do, hey, I want to put certain amount a day, a week, a month or even your year, whatever you got. It makes it easy to start. And listen, I've been doing it for three years. It has been the only way I've been able to squirrel away money. Is this crazy?

[A]

Man, I laughed at you.

[B]

I. You did. You laughed. I mean it's literally been the only way I have saved more.

[A]

The small penis, this thing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Thank you. You don't need to be a financial whiz. Acorns put your money in export bill portfolio to make sure you're investing wisely, not wildly. Acorns even has a checking account that automatically invests you in your emergency fund that grows your money. It's all easy. It's all in one easy to use app. Sign up now and Acorns will boost your new account with five dollar bonus investment join over the 14 million all time customers who have already saved and invested over $25 billion with Acorns. Head to acorns.com garbage or download the Acorns app to get some started today. This is paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive deposit of promote Acorns tier 2 compensation provided investing involves risk. Acorn Advisors LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] garbage we love Acorns. That was always sick too though. Driving down if you were in like an suv, if you had access to the trunk tearing through the food that Denise was bringing down. Yeah, I remember one time in that Taurus we used to pop down the seat. That was the big feature of that Taurus. You could Pop down, talk about amenities and get into the trunk. And Danny would pop it down. And I was small enough to crawl back in there and start rooting through, looking, looking for the goldfish. Well, record God, come out. We'd be making cheese sandwiches. I'd get the lunch meat and the amoroso rolls. We'd be making sandwiches like 15 minutes. 15 minutes from the house.

[A]

And they're doing it the Aki way, hooking it up. That's brutal, man. Can't wait to see you in Vermont.

[B]

Yeah. Shout out to Vermont.

[A]

Shout out to the Big Hug.

[B]

The Back on the Block tour, baby. Tickets on sale now coming up. It's about a month away. That starts.

[A]

I can't wait. I gotta get the out of here.

[B]

Oh, wait. On the west coast with me in la. Yeah, sf, I need it. We got a night in sf.

[A]

Dude cannot wait to see you folks.

[B]

Yeah, I gotta get out of here. Close it in on me.

[A]

Oh, goddamn coast. Going up to the coast.

[B]

I just said that.

[A]

To the coast for a couple of weeks and relax.

[B]

A couple of weeks? Can't go a couple. We got a goddamn kid now.

[A]

I thought we'd be out there for a couple weeks. No, a week. Yeah, I thought we're gonna be in LA for like a week. No, couple days.

[B]

Couple days.

[A]

Can I get one of them sandwiches?

[B]

Listen. What? Sandwiches? Which one?

[A]

Dialogue.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's on auto delivery every morning.

[A]

I like to sleep in.

[B]

Staying a little. We're staying at our entourage house too. This place sick. This place is. Is like. I'm such a dirt bag. When I saw it, I'm like, I gotta be there. It's got a pool house.

[A]

It's a pool house.

[B]

I don't know how to answer that.

[A]

In the back.

[B]

It's a house under the water, in the pool. What do you mean? What's a pool house?

[A]

Oh, I'm sorry I didn't get to go to the Poconos every year. I don't know what a pool house is.

[B]

Yeah, you do.

[A]

I'm just a simple man who stands outside a restaurant to watch as my friend eat. I wasn't thinking pool house. I thought I'd been pool inside.

[B]

What?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You hear pool house and you think, indoor pool.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Who speaks like that? What are you? English is a second language. Ah, pool house must mean house in a pool. What is your native language, by the way? Because I gotta be honest with you, your verbal ain't great. What do you guys speak on your native planet?

[A]

Cheeseburger.

[B]

Cheeburger Cheeburger. All right, let's see here. This one's from Scooter McGurbies. It's a good name. First time. Ask her. Long time. Garbage. $10, homie. I brought my girlfriend on a family vacation to Las Vegas while we were in high school. While there, she broke up with me to stay in Vegas and make it big as a stripper. What? She wasn't stripper. Hot dick. And she had to move back home less than a year later. Extra garbage. I was 16 and she was 23. I can't even wrap my head around that.

[A]

Good for you. I can. Now we're talking about my kind of vacation.

[B]

You've never done that. You want to do it now? You're talking about your fantasies dating. Now we're talking about Mike. Like we've entered your realm of shit you've never done.

[A]

You like the pool house comment, did you? I did not. Okay, lot to unpack here. First of all, you're 16, she's 23.

[B]

Your parents shouldn't be allowing. Listen, as cool as that sounds, don't listen to Kippy. They shouldn't be bringing her on vacation.

[A]

Why not? That's a dream vacation. Until she fucking ran off. And she didn't just.

[B]

Dude, what parent of a 16 year old is going, first of all, that parent's about 34.

[A]

I don't know what kind of parent lets their obese son crawl into the trunk and make sandwiches.

[B]

I don't know why you got it out for me today. You're gonna be an accessory to a felony.

[A]

If you're like, that's probably in the 90s.

[B]

That's what they got Diddy for. That state line.

[A]

Probably in the 90s.

[B]

Nah, that's trafficking.

[A]

No.

[B]

What do you mean no? Stop. Just because you say no doesn't make it not true. Saying that you do that all the time. Nah. Okay.

[A]

I guarantee it was in the 90s or something like that.

[B]

I'm not saying it wasn't.

[A]

He's probably dating a hot 23 year old. Stop cock blocking him. Eat your goldfish.

[B]

I'm not blocking them. I'm saying that's. Fuck that. That.

[A]

Well, you're saying it's irresponsible to parents.

[B]

Not even irresponsible. Borderline creepy. That's insane. Fuck. Illegal. That's just like, oh, hey, grown woman who has a job stripping. Stripping. Bit of a dancer. I listen, I get her. Let's remove her. She's 23. She ends up in Vegas for the weekend on someone else's dime or is that broad paying?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You can't take. You can't make your high school girlfriends pay to go to. This is a. They were.

[A]

That was high school boyfriend.

[B]

That's all strip shit for sure. Hmm.

[A]

A lot to unpack here.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Shout out to you for being able to close. Listen. When he says she wasn't stripper hot, I'm leaning that she probably was stripper hot or close to stripper hot. That's just hurt feelings, which I respect.

[B]

You think this guy's still harboring resentment that much later?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

He's not 17.

[A]

I would sure. That's hot.

[B]

Yeah, I mean I get all that. I guess I'm looking at it a little differently. She definitely had a creepy 50 year old going that's hot. Oh man. Dudes having sex with a stripper. That's hot. That's hot stuff, dude.

[A]

Cool. Giving the guy props until he blew it.

[B]

Loser. Can't keep abroad. Can't keep abroad like that.

[A]

Nah, you wouldn't get a wild horse. You weren't able to tame that. Lessons learned on her own parents big.

[B]

I mean that's a fucking. That's a wild Lemmy's. I don't want to judge. That's a wild decision. Crazy decision. I'll give you 19 because maybe they were in high school at the same. Where do you meet this broad?

[A]

They probably a closer 16 banging a 23 year old stripper.

[B]

I guess guys. All right, I get that but where are they interacting enough to that you can close. At what point is this? I mean maybe at work. If he's working at. If he's a busboy and she's like a waitress. But then who's going? Who the. That's crazy to me.

[A]

I need a follow up to this.

[B]

I mean if. Listen, if you knock boots at work.

[A]

My D. My DMs send a pic to see what's going on of both of you. Sure. You never had that friend. And like I not loose affiliates that were those guys in like 8th grade that were dating like 17 year olds.

[B]

That's significantly different. That's what I'm trying to say. And you're not letting. You're not even hearing my point because you got a fucking half a hard on over this 23 year old stripper. Listen, listen. I'm saying I get that. If they're. Listen, he's in ninth grade, she's whatever. Then goes on and graduates and it's still like it's a four. There's at Least like they were in the same world. There is accepted as a restaurant.

[A]

What was he, 15 or 16? 1623.

[B]

There's no way those people meet ever in a normal situation. Maybe if she was a bartender and he worked at the. He was a busboy. But then it's like you just knock boot like you start dating a six.

[A]

People fall in love, man.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

That's a heartbreaker. She left, didn't come back with us.

[B]

She ain't got none of her gear. What, she just gonna buy everything?

[A]

She knew what she was doing. She probably used him as a ticket out to Vegas. I ain't going home with you, Dale.

[B]

Sure. That's not bad. I get that. Maybe crawling back a year later. Didn't say to him she just went back to the town. But she got retired at some point. Maybe she went out on top. This guy don't know.

[A]

True.

[B]

Maybe she made a bag, came home, hit me up. Sure.

[A]

Want to hear the rest of this?

[B]

This is all right. This is from Ham Lincoln. First time, long time. During my sixth grade, summer 2004 to 2005, we went to visit my mom's boyfriend's parents in Florida for the first time. That's not a good start to the story. Visit my mom's boyfriend's parents for the first time.

[A]

They had to suck.

[B]

That's like. I've done that on multiple. I've done it with my stepmoms. So at the time was my dad's girlfriend's parents, and then my stepdad, who was my mom's boyfriend's parents. And when as that kid getting integrated into that family, it's. They're not. You're. You know, it's weird. They're trying too hard. It's. It's very unnatural.

[A]

God love you.

[B]

It's very unnatural.

[A]

Was she the same age as your dad?

[B]

No, she was younger.

[A]

Like, not 20. Like 10 years.

[B]

Yeah. Nothing like crazy.

[A]

Were her parents old? Were they old people?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was it.

[B]

They were like grandfather. They were like grandparents.

[A]

Was it the house that she grew up in? Or was it like their Florida house or something? Like their condo, like their retired retirement house?

[B]

No, it wasn't the house they grew up in. No.

[A]

That she grew up in.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

Yeah. That's even worse because those places are.

[B]

Yeah, it was like. It was a. It was a house where, like, old people lived.

[A]

Man. I know. That guest bedroom with that bed. That sucks.

[B]

I never. We never stayed there.

[A]

Oh, thank. I thought you went down there and stayed.

[B]

No, they were local. Anything, right? No. Yeah, no, they were local.

[A]

Oh, they were. Oh, I thought you said Florida. You went down to Florida?

[B]

They. He went down to Florida. Oh, I'm saying I've had to do that to go into that setting. Not necessarily in Florida.

[A]

Staying. There's a whole different. Different thing that sucks.

[B]

I'm just. I get you. I'm just saying to go into that situation is like brutal. It just sucks anywhere you're. You're on the outside. They're like trying too hard. Hey. Cause they're like, we gotta make you feel welcome.

[A]

You know my grandfather.

[B]

Yeah. You're just like, buddy. And they're like showing. Hey, I got your nose. And you're like, dude, where the heaters at? Let me fucking duck out of here.

[A]

You guys got Coke or Pepsi?

[B]

Yeah. You got any 23 year old strippers laying around? I'm fucking bored. All right. So we went to Florida for the first time. He made it sound like they were close to the beach, but in reality they were in Kumacuchi. Find out where Kumakuchi is. C R O O M A coochie. Which might as well been the butt crack of Florida. When we pulled into their trailer park. Oh, there were three kids riding a pig down the street, which the street was completely sand. God damn. Dude, it sucks. The first thing his father told us was don't go past that tree line in the back. There's a lake back there with some big ass gators in it, man. That's like taking you to hell, dude. I stayed inside the entire time trying to find something to watch on the tv, which involved using a knob that would change the direction of the antenna on the roof to get different channels. That old broad can make one hell of a milkshake though. Shout out to that. I mean, dude.

[A]

Dude, I was not expecting these to be this band. They're awesome.

[B]

That's like. That's. The parents don't understand that kind of. And I don't want to say on trauma. Trauma's corny, but like the impact that trip has of divorce, of yes. Of just like this kid's got to go stay in a trailer with some fucking kids from the wrong side of the fucking track. Riding a pig.

[A]

You got to go make this work.

[B]

Yeah. And the kids like that kid don't have a choice. He's trying. He's at socks. That's tough.

[A]

Sucks.

[B]

That's tough.

[A]

Milkshake though.

[B]

He's making the best of it. You're basically in the middle of Florida. You're an hour from the beach. Yeah, I mean, in Florida. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, that's the. See, okay, so it's his mom that's the boyfriend. Like, yeah, buddy. It's right by the beach. You're going to love it. Fucking riding a pig, getting bit by a Gatorade.

[B]

Yeah, because he's telling. He's telling it. He's telling you the story of the rose colored glasses on, trying to make, hey, you're gonna have fun. There's a pig, you know, whatever.

[A]

Closing his mom.

[B]

Yeah, man, I. I do have that. They told me we were going down the shore and they took us to that. That trailer park off Route 9. Whipper Whirl.

[A]

Chose.

[B]

Yeah. Talk about getting banned. The Boozled. We're going down to my dad's place. Great. Because no one ever said we were going down the shore. Then we ended up offshore at a fucking trailer. That sand. Fucking those prickers in it. No way.

[A]

Like some inlet.

[B]

Yeah, you gotta wear shoes. And sand. That bothered. That boggled my mind.

[A]

Wait, was it the beach?

[B]

No, it was like the Pine Barrens. But that's all sand back there.

[A]

Like, there's no water.

[B]

No, you're in a trailer park off Route 9, like out by the Acme. You, like, buy a shopping center.

[A]

You know, bad sand.

[B]

Yeah, it had those like. We call them like, like the little.

[A]

Balls, but I know what you're talking about. And it was stick to your jeans.

[B]

Yeah. And it was like pine needle. It was all like. You couldn't walk in the sand. You had to wear shoes. I remember, like lugging through the sand, being like, this fucking sucked. Mom was alive on crutches, too. Lying ass bitch. Fucking get me down there. Take me to sand with no goddamn motion, man. And I remember my mom being like, this was less than ideal.

[A]

She said that.

[B]

I remember just the vibes of me. It was. It was a trail. It was a camper. It wasn't a trailer. Like, trailers have rooms. This was a camper with no bedroom. I slept on, like, the kitchen table that folded into the. That like pushed down into the. And it was an old campus from like the 60s. And this is in the. It's probably. I can tell you exactly what year it was. This was like 93, 94.

[A]

You gotta go back and tell your boys where you were. Yeah, that's pretty cool.

[B]

Yeah, I'm lying. There's chicks there. You know what I mean? I'm going down ashore. Everybody can suck my dick. I'm going down the shore.

[A]

Your feet look like Jesus's forehead.

[B]

Yeah. Crown of thorns. Up, man. Got me twisted.

[A]

Bad vacations as a kid, they were so. Was so weird, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like that.

[B]

But dude, the. The going to meet the divorced family, that's like a. Such a. I can't imagine no one. No one's natural. It's such an unnatural thing, you know.

[A]

Involve the kids in that.

[B]

You got. You gotta act.

[A]

Did you ever see her parents again?

[B]

Oh, yeah, they would come over. I mean, every time, you know, they're great and they were nice and super nice and super, but it's just like.

[A]

They ever break you off anything?

[B]

Yeah, a little bit, you know, five bucks here.

[A]

She'd do anything in the kitchen that you remember.

[B]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[A]

What was like the ice cream bar situation in their fridge when we went over?

[B]

Oh, I have. No, no, nothing. I was blocking it out.

[A]

You gotta. Okay, then you block it out.

[B]

It was also like, oh, we're going. We're. I'm making this up. I don't really remember all the instances of going. But it was like, oh, we're stopping for Christmas. Or even they're coming over. But it's another set of grandparents that you met when you were 10. You're like, I don't fucking know these people. They're nice people. Good guy. I'll, you know, I'll sit down, have a hot dog with him at fourth of July. But like, I gotta exchange presents and style shake your hand like that. Thank you. This sucks.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

It's a new set of grandparents. That's that. You gotta be like, yeah. And they're trying. Everyone's nice. They're trying. You're. It's just so they don't like you. It's like, you know, so square pegging around. Yeah. And I'm just this fat kid, like eating all the candy and stuff. Tough.

[A]

He's eating all my Tums.

[B]

Drank all the Pepto.

[A]

Those are my calcium chews, Jerry. God love you. Yeah, those kids probably weren't nice either. The ones riding the pigs, they tend.

[B]

Not one of them had overalls on for sure. That's what. Yeah, that's just like. I think you leave the kid out of that, you know. I don't know. I'll let you know how it works out for me when we.

[A]

When we split up.

[B]

Yeah. I'm a single father. All right, let's see here. This is from Cosmic King. $10 Coles cash. Investor. Never had one Read. My parents thought it would be a good idea to bring me and my four brothers in the car for a Drive from New York to Florida to see our grandma. By the time we got dc, my dad bought plane tickets for each of us. As far away as another one as humanly possible on the plane. I get that. I get that in theory, that makes sense. And it's fun and you're gonna. But it's like.

[A]

That's the most sensible thing I heard all day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shout out to him, guys, we're not doing.

[B]

Cutting your losses. We're not doing this.

[A]

What do you do with the car?

[B]

Drive it into the harbor. Who cares? Or the dad will get a pack of heaters, drive down on his own.

[A]

Dc. You didn't make it to dc.

[B]

DC to New York. Six hours. Five, six. You hit track.

[A]

DC to Florida.

[B]

Yeah, that. That's. That's. This. Cut your losses and then not. That's on the way there. Not even back.

[A]

Shout out to him.

[B]

That's fucking brutal, dude.

[A]

Nat. Fuck this. Let's go, man. Telling you vacations, bad news.

[B]

We did say that. We've said that previously. It's like, you. Now that we think about it more, it's like there's. Especially for a dirt bag family, obviously, cash typically isn't, you know, super plentiful. It's not. You're rich and you're, you know, stress, the dysfunction, distress the dad going, is what this cost. I fucking shell out six grand to get everybody.

[A]

They're arguing in the fucking backseat.

[B]

I'm working overtime to fucking swing this. I'm taking off.

[A]

She's bitching at him.

[B]

You can't get right. You can't fucking. You just can't do it. It ain't gonna work, baby. It ain't gonna. It's.

[A]

If I was my dad, there's like a hundred times I can think back that I would have been like, fucking this. I'm out of here. Just go live on a base somewhere or something. No note?

[B]

No.

[A]

Just gone.

[B]

Yeah. Crazy good days. You could do that. Can't do that no more.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Geo tracker.

[A]

80S. You could disappear, start another family.

[B]

90S, you could. Arguably. Sure not no more.

[A]

Little Springer.

[B]

Got you. Oh, man, Jerry. Like a Marty Povich. Your day up. All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[A]

We love you to death. Hope you have a great vacation. If you're going out this time of year, don't let.

[B]

Well, we don't let these. These stories, you know, deter you from having a good time with the family.

[A]

Of course. Build your own traumas, build your own memories. We love you. We'll see you next week.

[B]

Peace.