Are You Garbage? – “Foley's Retirement Home!” w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Podcast Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Release Date: December 8, 2025
Episode Overview
In this lively “family episode,” Kevin Ryan and H. Foley, beloved Philadelphia comedians and self-proclaimed dirtbags, go guest-less and riff on aging, retirement homes, family shame, childhood traditions, peeing in public, wedding 50/50 drawings, and classic garbage culture. Listeners are treated to a mix of hilarious stories, mockery, self-deprecating asides, observations about trashy vs. classy behavior, and plenty of Philly flavor.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Dirtbag Origins and Philly Pride
- The hosts reminisce about meeting at a Philly comedy open mic and their journey from “local dirtbags” to playing the Met in Philadelphia.
- “We're the underdogs… the ham and eggers, lunch pail guys.” (A, 02:49)
- Discussion about the Are You Garbage? Army—a nod to their community and its self-deprecating embrace of lowbrow culture.
2. Retirement Home Musings & Aging Anxieties
- Foley attends a function at a 55+ community, marveling at the amenities (“like a cruise ship that never sets sail” (B quoting an old-timer, 14:23)) and wonders aloud if he’s inching towards his own retirement.
- Kevin and Foley banter on the realities of aging, not having retirement savings, and living among “old-timers.”
- Foley jokes about blending in: “I probably do well in there. I look young.” (B, 12:58)
- Classic old-guy wardrobe analysis: “Jeans with a collared shirt and a sweatshirt that says, like, Arizona or something like that.” (B, 15:07)
3. Philadelphia Family Traditions & Catholic Guilt
- Stories about schlepping Christmas decorations from the garage, sharing shameful family routines, and stereotypical Irish Catholic guilt.
- “I don't know what it would take for my dad… just to go pee in the broad daylight on the side. No, like me... it was just between a car.” (A, 24:49)
4. Public Peeing: Parenting or Trashiness?
- Kevin recounts a Manhattan incident where a young kid peed with pants at the ankles in public daylight:
- “This is broad daylight, New York City, hippie shit… The kid could go to the bathroom.” (A, 21:15)
- Both hosts agree: emergency kid pee? Sure, but at least show some discretion—use a car door for cover, or try to find a restroom.
- “I don't know... that's trashy behavior.” (A, 25:49)
5. Biodegradable Sandwich Bags & Other Modern Conveniences
- Complaints about new eco-friendly bags ruining leftover mashed potatoes:
- “That’s like something took a dump in there. Ruined my leftover mashed potatoes. I had to throw them out.” (B, 27:05)
- Fondness for classic Ziplock baggies, skepticism of press-and-seal innovations, and eye-rolling at “environmental responsibility forced on the everyman.”
6. Weddings: The Ethics of the 50/50 Raffle
- Listener asks if it’s garbage to run a 50/50 raffle at your own wedding to make an extra buck.
- Both hosts love the dirtbag ingenuity:
- “A 50/50 at a wedding is so fun to me… I’d be drunk and buy a hundred.” (A, 35:42)
- “You're creating money, you're creating a pot, no one's getting hurt” (B, 38:00)
- Ethical consensus: It's only okay if the couple is paying for their own wedding.
7. Classic Blue-Collar Family Vignettes
- Stories of holding dad’s steering wheel so he can light a cigarette (or bowl!), and sibling rivalry for big-brotherly honors.
- “Never a bowl though, that's crazy… Drinking was just so regular, and weed was like, that's crazy.” (B, 61:24 & A, 62:28)
8. Generational Contrasts: Booze vs. Weed
- Reflections on the generational acceptability of booze versus weed, with humorous stories about friends’ families where weed is normalized but beer is taboo.
- H. Foley: “My family would be more likely, like, you’re 15, grab a drink, than you're 21, I'm gonna smoke a bowl with you.”
9. Miscellaneous “Garbage” Questions
- Is it garbage to:
- Eat drive-through food in your car, then go back in for a refill? (Generally fine if you’re on the lot.)
- Refer to a couch + ottoman as a “sectional”? (“If you ain't lying, you ain't trying, dog.”)
- Hold the steering wheel for your parent so they can smoke?
- Hit your vape through your nose after a tooth extraction? (“You couldn't afford a root canal. Been there, done that.”)
10. Philly VFW Halls, Charity Gigs, & Tax Scams
- Dreaming up future Are You Garbage? events at VFW halls or Knights of Columbus, with fond memories of beef-and-beer bashes, chafing trays, and iconic Philly catering.
- Brief bit about the “Bass Pro Shop tax scam” (designating the store as a nonprofit due to “teaching fishing”).
- “Are You Garbage School of Broadcasting” is floated as a tax loophole scheme.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
On Being “Journeymen” of the Podcast World
- “We’re the underdogs… ham and eggers, putting the boots on, going to work, going home.”
(A, 02:49)
On Aging Into Retirement Homes
- “It’s like a cruise ship that never sets sail.”
(B quoting a resident, 14:23)
On Public Peeing
- “I'm over there, I'm looking at six-year-old cheeks, I'm trying to walk the dog. Lock me up, the hell’s going on here?”
(A, 23:22)
On Wedding 50/50s
- “I'd probably give the whole thing back… I'd make a big speech or make a spectacle out of it.”
(A, 36:22) - “If you're inviting that many rich people to your wedding, you don't need a 50/50.”
(A, 40:36)
On Blue Collar Family Dynamics
- “That was a big brother thing, gets to hold the wheel for my dad when he's lighting a heater.”
(B, 61:15)
On the Distinction Between Booze and Weed in the Family
- “Booze was so regular, and weed was like, that’s crazy. You're smoking weed with your parents?”
(A, 62:28)
On Inventing “Sectionals”
- “If you ain’t lyin’, you ain’t tryin’, dog. That’s how you keep up appearances.”
(A, 58:25)
Timestamps for Key Segments
- [02:28] – Hosts embrace underdog/“ham-and-egger” identity
- [06:08] – Admitting their lifelong “dirtbag” status
- [11:35] – Retirement home musings & “cruise ship” life
- [14:23] – Retirement community advice from an old-timer
- [21:13] – Public urination story in NYC
- [27:05] – Biodegradable sandwich bags ruining leftovers
- [35:12] – 50/50 wedding raffle ethics discussion
- [61:04] – Childhood sibling dynamics around holding steering wheels
- [62:28] – Booze’s dominance over weed among Philly families
Tone & Style
The episode is packed with the signature “Are You Garbage?” banter:
- Affectionately mocking themselves and their upbringing
- Remembering Philly’s quirks and blue-collar traditions
- Leaning into Irish Catholic sensibilities, family shame, and generational divides
- A blend of warm nostalgia, self-deprecating humor, and sharp observational wit
- Answers to “garbage” questions always come with a side of laughter and hard-earned wisdom
Summary
This episode is a quintessential “Are You Garbage?” family installment: freewheeling, honest, and loaded with streetwise Philly charm. Foley and Kevin dig deep into what makes someone “garbage” versus merely “dirtbag” or “trashy,” using stories from their own lives, classic listener questions, and the occasional heated debate about ottoman pronunciation or the virtues of Styrofoam. Fans of the show and newcomers alike get a high-octane dose of Philly flavor, cultural insight, and reflective hilarity.