Hoagie Crusher w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Summary of "Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast" Episode: "Hoagie Crusher w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley"

Release Date: July 10, 2025

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Introduction: Setting the Stage

The episode opens with hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan enthusiastically introducing their signature show, Are You Garbage?, a comedic game show where comedians are tested to determine if they're "classy individuals or absolute trash." They announce their upcoming tour stops across various cities, emphasizing the playful and irreverent nature of their podcast.

Notable Quote:

H. Foley [00:23]: "Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash."

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Hoagie Fest Antics

Transitioning into the main content, the hosts delve into their participation in Hoagie Fest, a festival celebrating sub sandwiches. They share humorous anecdotes about their experiences at the event, including a mishap where H. Foley accidentally sets her hair on fire with a curling iron, adding a layer of slapstick comedy to their banter.

Notable Quotes:

H. Foley [01:04]: "A curling iron got her. Stinks upstairs. Smells like a laser hair removal factory up there."

Kevin Ryan [01:36]: "No sizzlies were purchased. And we did not buy tickets to Hoogie Fest."

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Aunt Kate's Influence

A significant portion of the episode revolves around Aunt Kate, a pivotal figure in their lives and the Hoagie Fest. The hosts humorously discuss her colorful past, including dating legendary musician Jimi Hendrix and her quirky contributions to the festival, such as adding oregano and holy water to Italian cuisine.

Notable Quote:

H. Foley [02:18]: "I like a turkey head."

Kevin Ryan [02:32]: "She used to work for the city and made the..."

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Kitchen Disasters and Culinary Chaos

The conversation shifts to kitchen mishaps, with both hosts sharing stories about cleaning up oil and sauce stains. Their lighthearted debate on whether stains are from olive oil or sauces underscores their comedic chemistry and ability to find humor in everyday messes.

Notable Quotes:

H. Foley [08:12]: "It's in every one of your shirts."

Kevin Ryan [08:46]: "If there's been. If there's ever been an H. Foley, Foleyville spin zone, it's been going."

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Pest Preferences: Ants vs. Roaches

In a playful segment, H. Foley and Kevin Ryan debate their preferences between ants and roaches, highlighting their distinct characteristics. H. Foley champions ants for their organization, while Kevin Ryan prefers the independent nature of roaches, leading to a series of humorous exchanges.

Notable Quote:

H. Foley [09:50]: "Ants are organized."

Kevin Ryan [10:04]: "You think roaches are surviving atomic warfare without a little teamwork?"

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Family Dynamics and Responsibilities

The hosts navigate the complexities of family obligations, particularly concerning Aunt Kate. They jest about legal documents and inheritance, mockingly contemplating handing over ownership of their podcast in the event something happens to H. Foley. This segment blends humor with genuine concerns, showcasing their camaraderie.

Notable Quotes:

H. Foley [17:50]: "I'm not on leg machines. I don't use them."

Kevin Ryan [17:21]: "But I've seen in videos they picked them. They know it don't matter that putting it in the back was prior to like."

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Childhood Memories and Family Gatherings

A nostalgic dive into their childhood, H. Foley and Kevin Ryan reminisce about large, messy family parties hosted by Aunt Kate. From luaus with excessive food to chaotic celebrations leading to food poisoning, these stories are delivered with a blend of humor and affectionate teasing.

Notable Quote:

Kevin Ryan [48:07]: "I remember being under the table going what in the hell is this?"

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Listener Interactions: "Is It Garbage?"

Engaging with their audience, the hosts address listener questions in their trademark comedic style. They tackle quirky scenarios, such as baking cookie dough over a candle during a power outage or bringing a suitcase to school every Thursday, humorously debating whether these actions categorize someone as "garbage."

Notable Quote:

Kevin Ryan [45:07]: "I got to give you that. I think it's ingenuity."

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Closing Remarks: Celebrating the Messy Life

As the episode wraps up, H. Foley and Kevin Ryan continue to celebrate the hilarity of everyday chaos. They encourage listeners to attend Hoagie Fest, support local events, and embrace their "garbage" lifestyles with pride and laughter.

Notable Quotes:

H. Foley [68:53]: "Do yourself a favor. Check out Hoagie Fest this summer."

Kevin Ryan [69:02]: "Peace."

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Key Takeaways

• Humorous Banter: The episode is rich with witty exchanges and playful insults, maintaining an engaging and entertaining tone throughout.

• Family-Centric Stories: Personal anecdotes about Aunt Kate and family gatherings add depth and relatability, highlighting the hosts' close-knit relationships.

• Engaged Audience: Listener interactions showcase the podcast's interactive nature, allowing fans to feel involved and entertained.

• Celebration of Imperfection: Embracing the "garbage" theme, the hosts find humor in imperfections and everyday mishaps, encouraging listeners to laugh at life's messes.

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For those who haven't listened, this episode offers a delightful mix of humor, personal stories, and playful critiques of daily life, all delivered by the charismatic duo, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Whether you're a fan of comedy podcasts or looking for some light-hearted entertainment, "Hoagie Crusher" is a must-listen!

Transcript

[H. Foley]

Attention, dirt bags of America. The boys are coming to your town this fall.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

To find out who is the most garbage in said town.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. Atlantic City, San Francisco. Portland. Seattle. Brea. Burlington, Vermont. Boston, Massachusetts. Atlanta, Georgia. Charlotte, Raleigh. Richmond. Baltimore. Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Rochester, Toronto. Tickets available. Are you garbage.com?

[H. Foley]

We will find you. Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. It's that little show.

[H. Foley]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that it's a group to be classy. Just a big old piece of trash. Garbage, I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful summer day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new edition here. She set her hair on fire this morning.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

A curling iron got her. Stinks upstairs. Smells like a laser hair removal factory up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Factory. I got factories in them.

[H. Foley]

Now, Mike Host is coming at you from across the table, as we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. Just the way we like it. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is international businessman and always the king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for the father of the year, KJ Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the summer? So I'm currently king of the bird, king of the boards as well, but I haven't been down to shore.

[H. Foley]

Huggy Fest.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout.

[H. Foley]

We're in the middle of Hoagie Fest. Shout out to Wahwe.

[Kevin Ryan]

We are locked, loaded, and in the middle of Hoogie Fest. Me and a big man were at a Wawa today.

[H. Foley]

Yes, sir.

[Kevin Ryan]

Together. No sizzlies were purchased.

[H. Foley]

No sizzlies were purchased.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we did not buy tickets to Hoogie Fest.

[H. Foley]

No, we did not. Backstage pass, which.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did I ever tell you my aunt Shout out.

[H. Foley]

Aunt Kate dated Jimi Hendrix.

[Kevin Ryan]

Purple.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Smoking a reefer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was very instrumental in Woodstock. In Hoagie Fest.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

She used to work for the city and made the.

[H. Foley]

Is she the one that decided to put oregano on the Italians?

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking put holy water on them. Their bags.

[H. Foley]

I like a turkey head.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was working for the city at the time. She's like a representative or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Comptroller?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

What's a comptroller do?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like an accountant. It's like.

[H. Foley]

Is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I think so.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something you need, by the way, I got one.

[H. Foley]

You don't listen, though, big man. Shout out, J.B. he's on vacation. Everything fell apart.

[Kevin Ryan]

Safeguards the city's financial health.

[H. Foley]

Who's that over there? That's. Let's pop by the corner office. Look at you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want that on my desk by five o'. Clock.

[H. Foley]

Little eager beaver over there, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at you.

[H. Foley]

Always schmoozing to the boss, aren't you? I got it right here, Mr. Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

You asked.

[H. Foley]

Look at him. There he is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look, Dempsey, he did that for you.

[H. Foley]

You did that for me. Ah, you're a sweetheart. Also, lunch today, you and me, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's go. Hoagie fest. Get our hands on some of them hoagies.

[H. Foley]

Feel like McConaughey and DiCaprio.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bum, bum, bum, bum, jerking off together.

[H. Foley]

Gotta get those numbers up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also a lot of people as you. As you know. Luca, Lucas. Oh, my God. Nervous Nelly. Always fucking Trav. Hit me. This guy's a mess. Diesel, let me get some paper towels in here. Big man's all thumbs today, people.

[H. Foley]

And a martini.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a picture of Luke and jfk and people think that's Luke's grandfather. They're making the assumption that's Luke Time Traveler.

[H. Foley]

That's his looper. Come back to get him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those roots run deep.

[H. Foley]

Guy's got a bunch of gold taped to his back. Looper. Underrated film, by the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get out of here. What? Oh, my God.

[H. Foley]

Diesel with the goddamn paper towels.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did he leave the hell.

[H. Foley]

Hello?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's in the bathroom. What the hell? Douche. Grab something. Lucas.

[H. Foley]

Thank you, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'll come back in a sec. Once you had the door open. You're pooping with the door open. This dude. I mean, I saw a cheek. I got a. I need.

[H. Foley]

Thank you, Luke. I appreciate that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, my.

[H. Foley]

For everybody out there. Ryan Diesel was in there. So when we're in here working, he's in there crapping with the door open. My God.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who are you, my Uncle Ronnie? That's crazy.

[H. Foley]

Hey, you're in my house.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the hell? My team stinks, dude.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? What are you, Jennifer Hudson?

[Kevin Ryan]

Your team? Is that what you think about when you think of teams?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I think Jennifer. Somebody like Jennifer Hudson would have, like, a team.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Or like, Kelly Clarkson has, like, a team.

[Kevin Ryan]

Any other daytime. Meredith Vieira has a team.

[H. Foley]

I'm sure Meredith Vieira probably has a nice team. You know, pr, hair, makeup, all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I guarantee her team's not pooping with the door open or spilling her Drinks mid broadcast. I'll tell you that.

[H. Foley]

I knocked over a club soda that.

[Kevin Ryan]

She didn't ask permission to have, by the way.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

Club Soda Fest. You didn't ask for takeover.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you club soda Festival. Back to your aunt Blowing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Geez, Johnny. Wawa. You're not gonna tell her you said that? She is not my uncle's. Listen to this.

[H. Foley]

She ain't a comptroller no more. Can't do nothing to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Be surprised. She. And they suggested it was something for, like. She suggested it for like a week. Like a one off of like a coalition with the city. And Wawa being a Wawa, such a provider, you know, whatever. And they. They were down with it for the kids. And now they do it every year.

[H. Foley]

Big man. Hoagie Fest is big.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

They started doing it when they brought back Woodstock in the. In the 90s.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was for some big. I think it was with the. With the. With the race, the wall, the. The bike race.

[H. Foley]

I hated that thing. It made me tired just looking at it. It's a big race in Manayunk. A big fucking hill. Guy gotta ride up that. I can't even walk around down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I hate to break it. You can't walk around a lot of places.

[H. Foley]

San Fran.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oof, man.

[H. Foley]

Tough down for me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anyway, What I heard.

[H. Foley]

You got everybody. Everybody's got some Philly thing like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like you're jealous that I have one. That's all I'm saying.

[H. Foley]

My cousin was the one, so that's.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know, that deserved more. That. That's the. You're jealous.

[H. Foley]

There's something that she maybe started. She didn't start, Hoagie. Fast.

[Kevin Ryan]

You want me to call her?

[H. Foley]

No, it's a little.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a little. Little. You know, you're my buddy. I thought you'd be a little more. Oh, no way.

[H. Foley]

Got to give me a little more than that. She came up with the shorty or something like that. I'd give you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've ever ordered a shorty?

[H. Foley]

I was a big shorty, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. While you were waiting for your classic to be made. Hey, let me get a shorty now. And you're walking through the chip pile. I gotta be honest, since we're talking Wawa. Wawa.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

I had. I had the Wawa egg bites today.

[H. Foley]

You did?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

So that was your second time at Wawa?

[Kevin Ryan]

That was my second time at Wawa.

[H. Foley]

You didn't tell me that.

[Kevin Ryan]

How's that Wawa choice today?

[H. Foley]

That's my second time at a Wawa too. You don't think I stopped before I got on the road? Just pick you up out there picking you up. Saw the new whip, though, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Saw the new whip. You met the baby?

[H. Foley]

I met the kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

You met your boss?

[H. Foley]

I met the kid, yeah. Immediately asking for a load.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, bridge load, fucking turn around, tapping him on diaper looking for cash. All right, give it to me. Where'd your dad keep it?

[H. Foley]

Cough it up. I was down here at Patty's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. So I've heard.

[H. Foley]

She texted me, man, that whole operation is just falling apart.

[Kevin Ryan]

And what would you say your operations going on bad? I love how you're. You're talking about your elderly mom, your widowed mom together.

[H. Foley]

She's still money with the stains, though. I had her throw this in the other car. Heart in a wash. Fucking knock two. Knock two olive oil stains out two seconds. I don't even. She pre washed it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Olive oil, olive oil. What are you doing with it?

[H. Foley]

Gets on my.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's in every one of your shirts.

[H. Foley]

It's in, you know, dressings and sauces and stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, it's sauce. It's not olive oil. You can't say that's olive oil.

[H. Foley]

It's an oil stain.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a buffalo sauce. Olive oil, man. I give you enough rope to hang yourself. That'd be a lot of rope, though.

[H. Foley]

That's red wine vinegar right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Okay.

[H. Foley]

I have a couple of bad creatine stains on my shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got some honey in my shirt. Honey barbecue. But that's.

[H. Foley]

That's what a stain is. It's the oil in whatever sauce.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, but if you lie, no one's ever gone. I got.

[H. Foley]

It might be canola oil or peanut oil. I don't know what they use seed oil, but it's not. Oh, but it's not a seed oil. That's no good. No cotton seed oil use.

[Kevin Ryan]

If there's been. If there's ever been an H. Foley, Foleyville spin zone, it's been going. She's got. She got some extra virgin olive oil stain the good stuff out of my shirt.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Meanwhile, it's sauce stains.

[H. Foley]

It's sauce stains.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay? It's not a. It's not olive oil stains.

[H. Foley]

It is an olive oil stain.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know that it's a sauce. You didn't.

[H. Foley]

It's an oil stain.

[Kevin Ryan]

When you were ordering the food, you didn't say, I'll take a side of olive oil. You said, I'll take a side of ranch blue cheese. By the way, I don't think there's any olive oil and blue cheese.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, there is good stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to from the boot down there in Philly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. We've. I mentioned my. My. My brother likes it.

[H. Foley]

They make a blue cheese dressing. Fucking blow your hair back. Delicious. Speaking of which, is what I have to show you. Speaking of Patty, that whole operation is fine. I don't. Dude, I don't trust. I don't trust nothing in that kitchen. I'm telling you that right now. Listen, I love you, but I don't trust nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got to say, Denise has ants right now. That's how. That's how bad it's gotten.

[H. Foley]

Ants.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's got ants.

[H. Foley]

Who has ants? I'd rather have roaches than ants.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild.

[H. Foley]

Ants are organized.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you think? Roaches.

[H. Foley]

Fucking ants have squatters rights. 20 days. That's their place.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think roaches are surviving atomic warfare without a little teamwork?

[H. Foley]

Nah, they don't know what's good. They're all working on their own. They're independent contractor. I've never seen roaches in a line the way ants do. Marching down with a picnic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bass coming in neighborhood. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, I'm down there. Had to do a little business.

[Kevin Ryan]

See.

[H. Foley]

A couple of people down here. So I call her up, you know, so. Coming through. You know, what's the. You know, what's the grub situation? We're not going out.

[Kevin Ryan]

The olive oil situation?

[H. Foley]

Yes. What's the grub situation? We're not going out no more. Normally I take her from the boot. We do fucking stuffed mushrooms. We do. We do the. The roasted chicken wings and the sauces which are. Duh.

[Kevin Ryan]

You really shove roasted in there to healthify it. I don't know if you know, you. That's a big. That's a big olive oil stain. We're roasted.

[H. Foley]

We did the roasted garlic. Antimicrobial moisture wicking. Anyway, we're not doing that this summer. We're fucking you. We're tightening up the belt a little bit. I mean, I can't be fucking taking everybody out to dinner and all that shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

All right, you're broke. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Just tell the good folks out there you got a bit of a.

[H. Foley]

Not broke.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got a bit of a spending problem. Not so much a saver. Big spender.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, it's not here or there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Plus, you know, I mean, you're telling them I can't.

[H. Foley]

Home cooked meal is nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, you just.

[H. Foley]

I'm overeating now.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just said you can't get wings from the boot. No one thinks I can't be affording roasted nine, roasted wings from. From the boot and ambler. I'm not made of money.

[H. Foley]

It's two meals to give you a lot. So I'm like, what do you got? What do you got in the hopper? Usually it's bupkis. It's nothing. It's fucking like a hit, like a quarter. A quarter pound of chicken salad from McCaffrey's, which is delicious, but still that's not a meal, right? And some protein bread cook.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's got those old bros love like an infused bread.

[H. Foley]

I love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

They love a fucking. They love. Put some oats in there. Put some reinforced cows.

[H. Foley]

She's got more shit in there for the dog than she does for me. I saw this bowl. The dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't live there, dude. And you're 50.

[H. Foley]

Fair enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean? Yeah, the dog lives there.

[H. Foley]

You should have saw this thing she rolled out for the dog this morning. It was like an acai bowl. Fucking chopped up chicken, blueberries, some kibble, some bacon. Frozen blueberries look delicious. Get a bowl for the kid. She does have a Tupperware of cooked bacon.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not anymore.

[H. Foley]

You ever just have cooked bacon in there? Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I told you. I went to a bar out in Astoria one time. Classy joint.

[H. Foley]

Just said put out bacon.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they had ba. It was like a cocktail bar. And they had like a. They had like a cocktail glass, like a rocks glass with like nice, not that shit bacon we would make. I'm like thick cut, good and just dry. It was just sitting there.

[H. Foley]

Are you sure it wasn't for like bloody marys and stuff?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, if it was.

[H. Foley]

Put that on my tab. Anyway, I'm like, what do you got in the hopper now? I'm about 18 minutes away. According to the GPS. She's like, I got some meatballs from Corporal Ease. Shout out to them. Delicious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And some cutties. She got a couple of cutties that are left over. Maybe like eight cuddies. Little ones a couple of days too. They were all chewy. I'm like, throw that shit on.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a bit of a bitch, you know that? Right?

[H. Foley]

You are.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'll complain about anything. I'm about looking a gift horse in the back.

[H. Foley]

I ain't eating all day. Get this goddamn zeppelin. I can't eat nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Taking your mother out to dinner. You're going, what do you got for me?

[H. Foley]

I'm not taking her out to dinner. She's heading up dinners.

[Kevin Ryan]

So have You.

[H. Foley]

I'm aware of that. That's why I'm trying to keep it tight. Have something at the house. She made a salad. Didn't touch that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Threw that out. Fed that to the dog. Traded him up for sa. Straight up. Dumb. Dumb motherfucker. Didn't see it coming.

[H. Foley]

I can slice bananas for a dog. What are we doing here anyway? She's got a couple of cutties.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. Cold.

[H. Foley]

She don't. She's. I don't want to heat them up a little, dry out. You're fucking lazy. We talking about heat them up. Put a little water, olive oil in the pan, you'd be all right. And some meatballs.

[Kevin Ryan]

What kind of meatballs?

[H. Foley]

They're corporeal. Ease.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, great.

[H. Foley]

Corporeally's East Norton. Fantastic. They do catering. They do everything. Where you get a tomato pie from? You don't. You don't know. You're not on that side of the. On that side of the world. You never had corporal use tomato pie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Probably get it from, like, Jenkintown or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

We were seeing Tucci's family. Oh.

[H. Foley]

From down the city.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stucci's?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

My brother went to school to seeing Tucci's.

[H. Foley]

If you never had a tomato pie, let me tell you something. Do yourself a favor. It's really, really good. I would take that over the cheesesteak as the moniker cuisine or food item of Philly.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean you would take.

[H. Foley]

I would plant that flag before I plant the cheesesteak.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't understand. But you plant the flag, you like it better than a cheesesteak.

[H. Foley]

No, I'm not saying that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you saying?

[H. Foley]

I'm saying if that was more of a representative of Philly food, I would be okay with it. Especially the burbs. I'm a burbs man, okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, if you were down there on, like, December 13th.

[H. Foley]

I'd be down on December 13th doing a nice show over there at the Metropolitan Theater.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Met Boys are coming home. It's a big one. Boys come home.

[H. Foley]

Big one. Grab your ticks. I don't want you left out in the cold. It's gonna be a bad winter, too. Patty told me that. Anyway, this is the.

[Kevin Ryan]

The Bureau of crazy has spoken.

[H. Foley]

This is the tray she hit me with with the meatballs. Now, listen, hold on.

[Kevin Ryan]

I saw a glimpse. That ain't great.

[H. Foley]

Okay, Go ahead. Let me tell you why. Blow that up a little bit. Your fucking weird background. That's the pic. What the hell? There you go. A little Piece of carrot.

[Kevin Ryan]

She working at the hospital or something?

[H. Foley]

That's exactly what it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild.

[H. Foley]

A compartmentalized Tupperware I don't trust. Yeah. What.

[Kevin Ryan]

How. What can I ask the breakdown of.

[H. Foley]

They were all.

[Kevin Ryan]

That.

[H. Foley]

It was all filled with meatballs.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were all. All three of them were meatballs.

[H. Foley]

Which I don't. Why. That don't make no. Why would they separate it?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. She did. Listen. I don't know. Was there ants in there? If not, she's doing better than the piece.

[H. Foley]

It bugged me out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I was down there and I forgot the bottle of dp. Oh, you gotta remember. Yeah, I gotta remind. You gotta remind me.

[H. Foley]

I forgot the leg things for my mom too. She's freaking.

[Kevin Ryan]

A leg thing.

[H. Foley]

You know those leg things that blow up leg sleeves for circuit.

[Kevin Ryan]

For athletes or people who are dying.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. She had them for my dad and then she gave them to me. I don't use them. She's. Something about her knee or something like that. She wants them and I keep forgetting to bring them down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

And a T shirt for her physical therapist. Maybe I do one of the new. Yeah. Why are you doing.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're giving away. You're giving away merch to your mom's physical therapist?

[H. Foley]

My mother asked for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Broads got cash, have her buy one. Meanwhile, I'm fucking.

[H. Foley]

Patty's not paid by. Patty's on the arm. What are you talking about? Fucking making her pay for nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, this family get. They get their hands and you're like, dicks. I'm about to fucking put on a flea collar. Keep you off of me.

[H. Foley]

It's funny, she did remind me this morning over a cup of coffee and a couple of heaters, her way out of nowhere, she's like, so do I still own 20% of our you garbage? I'm like, what the fuck said that?

[Kevin Ryan]

You probably sold it to her one night drunk for a heater. Hey, give me kills on that. I'll give you. I'll give you 40% of my share. That's 20% of the whole thing.

[H. Foley]

I said if something happens to me, I'm sure Kibby would do right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop telling people that. Do right buyer, you gotta have this. Gonna have all these dirt bags knocking at my door. Meanwhile, listen, you know, you're all fucking leg machines at the moment. That ain't great.

[H. Foley]

I'm not on leg machines. I don't use them.

[Kevin Ryan]

I will start using them.

[H. Foley]

I haven't had that in a while. My ankles don't Swell up anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop telling people I'm gonna take care of you. There's documents set up for this.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then that's not the thing.

[H. Foley]

I can take care of Patty.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean, take care of her? I'll see you in hell. Man, this is. Dude, this is shaping up just to be like the biggest fucking Judge Judy fight ever. They go down as want to judge me versus your whole family. They're all there with stacks of papers.

[H. Foley]

Kevin's. Talk about Lucy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to Lucy. Lucy.

[H. Foley]

Lucy, you know Lucy, good friend of the show, that Lucy. Been with us for a long time. We're talking about 100% pure nicotine. Always tobacco free. Lucy breakers are nicotine pouches with a little extra surprise. Each pouch holds a capsule that has a little boom. You break it open, got a little bit extra flavor, a little hydration, which is good when you. When you know, when you got it going on. Yeah, a little hydration.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, when you're out and about, beboping, scatting, going from one place to the next, you need to stay hydrated. You need to stay with your little tobacco. I take the tobacco, I go get it out of here.

[H. Foley]

Get it out of here. So do yourself a favor, gang. Set yourself up with a subscription and have Lucy delivered straight to your door.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, let's level up your nicotine routine with Lucy. Go to Lucy Co Garbage. You know it. Use the promo code garbage. You get 20% off your first order. That ain't nothing shaky sticking. I'm talking 20% off your first order. Lucy has a 30 day refund policy. If you change your mind because they're good people. Again, that's Lucy Co. And use the code garbage to get 20% off. And here comes the fine print, gang. Lucy products are only for adults of legal age. And every order is age verified. Warning. This product can contains nicotine. Nicotine is an addictive chemical.

[H. Foley]

Gang, summer is here. You gotta get yourself straightened out with a little factor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, all right.

[H. Foley]

You got busy schedule. You meet people at the park. You're going out for drinks. You want to stay on top of eating good. Let me tell you something. Those factor meals, they are no joke. They are absolutely delicious. We're talking about fresh, never frozen, ready to eat meals in two minutes in the microwave. We love them. Another one been with us for a long time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those factor meals, buddy, from your mouth to the big man's ears, you know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

So do yourself a favor, get over to factor to get yourself straightened out. Plus they got the snacks now they Got the little in betweens, little breakfast. Very, very nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

They have over 45 weekly menu options. You did not hear mishear that. That's 45 weekly menu options. You can pick gourmet, gourmet meals. Gourmet meals that fit your summer gains and your goals. Choose from options like they got calorie smart, protein plus keto and more. Whatever you're trying to do, they can help you, baby. Factor powers your day sun up to sundown with nutritious breakfast on the go. Lunches, premium dinners, guilt free snacks and desserts. Factor has your whole day covered. And here's the turkey. Get started@factor meals.com garbage50 off and use the code garbage50 off to get 50% off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code [e-mail] garbage50OFF for 50% off + free shipping. Factor meals.com/garbage50OFF. Do it.

[H. Foley]

Do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Look at that fucking bootleg merch.

[H. Foley]

Is that crazy? That's the kind of shit I'm talking. I don't. I'm gonna sound like an asshole. You do, but that's the kind of shit I'm talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was there any. Was there any pasta involved? No, I would get down with pasta in one, you know, maybe the other. I'd get that if there was something to compartmentalize. It's just. That's an odd choice. You're telling me she's have a Cool Whip container or not over there?

[H. Foley]

No, it's got a real. And nothing, not knocking it, but a real meals on wheels kind of vibe. I didn't like it. The meatballs were fantastic though. See, like she heat them up on the stove instead of the microwave, which. I appreciate that effort. She's starting to get back into the groove a little bit, I feel. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, Patty, bless your soul for think.

[H. Foley]

I sound like an asshole. No, but that shit's important.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is?

[H. Foley]

That she's not fucking, you know, eating at gas stations every night or ordering fucking Boston Market. That she's cook and making nutritious meals.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gas stations.

[H. Foley]

That's what she does.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

She gets like Mac and cheese from like a gas station and brings it back to the house. Or she's doing. She's doing lobster. Or she's doing lobster rolls in like the parking lot of a mall.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah, I remember we called her doing it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, she's cooking again a little bit, which is good.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you're. You're breaking her stones.

[H. Foley]

I mean, come on, man. A compartmentalized fucking Tupperware. That's the beginning of the end. Sure, it's the beginning of the end. What's that? All meat. But I don't. You don't trust that?

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta be honest.

[H. Foley]

And meatballs.

[Kevin Ryan]

That fork and that spoon don't match either. No, they don't. That fork is. That fork is from a cafeteria. That is a. That is a cafeteria fork. And that spoon's got detail that the fork don't have. Okay, I'm gonna call, like.

[H. Foley]

I got two sets and. Nice countertop. Nice granite countertop.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's the. Okay. Yeah. It's nice cluttered. Yeah. There's a bag. You got a bag. I say that canvas tote. What's in there?

[H. Foley]

I don't know what that is. Right in front of that carrot either.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's trash. Looks like a Popsicle wrapper, if I'm being honest with you.

[H. Foley]

No, no, no. I mean, look inside the entree portion of the compartmentalized Tupperware in there. You don't see a little piece of carrot right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you put carrot in sauce.

[H. Foley]

I'm aware of that, but what's that right in front of it looks like a piece of a Ritz cr, which I didn't have any. There's no Ritz.

[Kevin Ryan]

Eat Ritz and meatballs. I mean, you guys, you get.

[H. Foley]

Listen, squirrely bunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Short leash with you guys. She's eating at gas stations bad.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, it's either here nor there. I wanted to point that out. Patty, I love you, but, you know, come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Does Patty listen to the program?

[H. Foley]

Sometimes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Big Gerbies fan. She loves.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's a guest on. She likes.

[H. Foley]

Loves Gerbies.

[Kevin Ryan]

My mom.

[H. Foley]

He's so funny and adorable.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wouldn't know where to find the program.

[H. Foley]

Really.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think she would have.

[H. Foley]

Cashing them checks, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh? The slightest clue, really. I mean, at one point, I remember when we were. We, me and you were on Larry the Cable Guy. SiriusXM show. She told me, hey, I listened to the podcast today. I was like. I was like, the one with Louis J. Gober. Like, whoever. They guess. Like, what are you, a Lewis fan? She's like, no. On SiriusXM. I sat in it because she's out in the car in the. In the parking lot. Listen to her. I was like, that was Larry. Oh, thanks for listening. I just said, thanks.

[H. Foley]

Patty's all over it. She keeps a very close eye on our activities.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think my mom's ever been on YouTube.

[H. Foley]

No kidding. I mean, she's Patty's got YouTube TV. Whoa. Yeah, she knows all about it. Discord.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Only thing she streams on Twitch.

[H. Foley]

Doing a laundry, topless.

[Kevin Ryan]

Probably be pretty, you know, just Patty in her house. Can we make up? We listen. We have to diversify. Let's. You want to set Patty up, take care of Patty. Let us just fucking rig the house.

[H. Foley]

Patty Cam.

[Kevin Ryan]

She can be like fucking Patty Sinnette or whatever. Kaisenhead.

[H. Foley]

Who's that?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's like the biggest streamer. We can do the things where, like, we, you know. You know how like Drew Ski and Kevin Hart go over and hang. I could be me and you. We come over and start dancing, set.

[H. Foley]

Off a bunch of fireworks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got a bunch of rappers in there or whatever, smoking, rolling blunts and shit. I'm gonna get slapped, man.

[H. Foley]

That's a pretty good trio.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kevin Hartruski and Kaisernet. They're all right, man. When they walked in, they walk. I was like I said, just pure fun. Those guys, when they. When they crash the stream and they come in, they start dancing all like one. They move up the line and do a move. Why can't you do that? Hit the nene or something. Hit the stanky leg. I got a bad case again.

[H. Foley]

Drop it on you if you want.

[Kevin Ryan]

Back it up and dump it.

[H. Foley]

That's neither here nor there.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all here and there, baby.

[H. Foley]

Talk about a little family episode, gang. As you know, when you. When you sign up for the old patreon, which is cooking, by the way. God damn all time out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, we are closing in on.

[H. Foley]

We're ready to make a fucking move.

[Kevin Ryan]

100. What?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. We got numbers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we do. I mean, the boys are the fucking numbers. The boys got an army behind them. And shout out to the homies and the fucking boots on the ground, the shareholders, we love you also. Can't lie. Shout out to the bozos. We love you just as much. Not just as we love you. We love everybody.

[H. Foley]

We love you all. I got our lives and we love you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, also merch available now, while limited supply. Might be out by the time this comes out next week. But get your merch while supplies.

[H. Foley]

Big boys are loving those. That Uncle Hank's hot dog shirts.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's pretty funny. So we have Kip, you know, I have my king of the board, king of the burbs. Home improvement. Foley's got his hot dog. Hank's hot dogs, right? Mm.

[H. Foley]

Uncle Hank's hot dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uncle Hank's hot dogs. And the Uncle Hank's hot dogs sell sold out of 4x. Pretty quick. The big boys. The big boys got a role model that they like.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to the big boys out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kippy's king of the burbs hasn't sold any 4x just yet. We're tight little. We're tight little bodies over here. Kids down 30.

[H. Foley]

It's big boy Summer, dog. Big boy Summer. You gotta have a T shirt to wear at the pool.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was thinking I might do cut. Just cut off sleeves. It's hot. That heat wave that hit two weeks.

[H. Foley]

Ago, you don't got the arms for that. Your arms are too normal. Let me say that mine are fat enough and gross enough where I could do sleep.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can spin anything. You can spin anything.

[H. Foley]

You understand?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm saying your ego can spin anything to feel good about yourself.

[H. Foley]

Let me see. Get that mole looked at first before you do anything.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a couple.

[H. Foley]

You got a hair growing out of that one. Damn, Nana, that's gross.

[Kevin Ryan]

Buddy. You have skin tags on your eyeballs.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

So who are you calling gross?

[H. Foley]

I'm about to get them wack.

[Kevin Ryan]

Flip them over and check out how to wash you on that thing. Skin tag. Tag Pretty good. All right, whatever. Let's quit screwing around here.

[H. Foley]

I'm going to Dr. Cole and getting these taken off though, okay?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not.

[H. Foley]

Yes, I am.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you're not.

[H. Foley]

Yes, I am. I go to him every six months. I like the dermatology.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those. Those things have been on you for more than six months.

[H. Foley]

No, they haven't. Okay, Because I cut the other ones off with a toenail clipper.

[Kevin Ryan]

You are.

[H. Foley]

You don't want to hear that, Charles Egrody. Just watch Midnight Run. Still holds up.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's get into it. As you know, when you join the old Patreon, we will answer your garbage question. Oh, yeah, and the phones are not lighting up.

[H. Foley]

Disconnected.

[Kevin Ryan]

This one's from Chub Rub. First time, long time. This is a. This is an abbreviation. You know, they hit you with the FTLT. First time, long time. $10,000 home. They have all their, you know, they have all of their. Their own vernacular over there on a podcast. This one I've never seen. Iig.

[H. Foley]

Iig.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it garbage?

[H. Foley]

Ah, that's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not bad.

[H. Foley]

Is it garbage?

[Kevin Ryan]

Five years. The homies are still innovating. Iag, iig. Is it garbage if your aunt asks if it's cool to leave her car parked in your driveway while she serves a six month bid?

[H. Foley]

Damn, man. You gotta have a safe place to park the car, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

That should come with. You can use it while I'm out. I'm sure that comes with, you know, just, you know, make sure the oils change, keep the tire rotate the, you know, keep it. Turn it on.

[H. Foley]

Dead man.

[Kevin Ryan]

But that would be. I think that's not.

[H. Foley]

Alexis tell you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

It could be. It could be like.

[H. Foley]

It could be white collar.

[Kevin Ryan]

White collar. I don't know. She could be moving weight. Then you don't want to be driving it. You get pinchers. You got a handgun in the back.

[H. Foley]

Or something you don't know about or the ops catcher.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was a time when a family member of mine would borrow our cars and you know, you would. You take a hard right and a Rolling Rock bottle would slide out from under the passenger seat. You're like all well bugging, you know. Got to keep him on a short leash.

[H. Foley]

Rolling Rock bottle and an empty clip. Jesus Christ.

[Kevin Ryan]

Knocking banks over.

[H. Foley]

Nah, I respect that move. You got to leave the car with somebody you trust, you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Solid dirtbag move. Hey, listen, I'm jammed the F up. Help me out here.

[H. Foley]

Back that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also your aunt serving a six month piece.

[H. Foley]

Whatever. You back that in too. Because bills could start falling by the wayside over that six months. And sure the repo man might be.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I've seen in videos they picked them. They know it don't matter that putting it in the back was prior to like.

[H. Foley]

I know, but having the license plate sticking in the back I think is better.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, I'll give it to you and.

[H. Foley]

Throw a cover on that. That's got a cover on it. That should have a cover on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

It's been right in front of the garage. Have a cover on it for sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Covers are really trashy or really classy.

[H. Foley]

I've never seen a nice one like a nice car.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, if you're covering a nice car, they keep. They don't like bad ones are like they're covered and there's like a pile of leaves and rainwater stains and it's ripped and like the antennas sticking through. Nice ones are like. They just have on like a Porsche or whatever.

[H. Foley]

They just make me think of above ground pool covers which are never ever, ever look good. They never look good. Ours always fucking comes apart in the middle of the winter. You see that cold dark water?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? That's a total point. I ain't messing with that in February, I'll tell you that much. That's an job. I'll deal with the tadpoles later.

[H. Foley]

Go near that thing. Yeah, I think Patty had a Frog in the house. The other night, too, I saw a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Frog jumping across the street. Not doing. Frogs are back. You said that we were low on frogs, but I was out in the birds.

[H. Foley]

I was right.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was out in the bird. I even said it. I said it out loud to Nadine. We were out in the burbs. It was after the fucking storm. That heat that had that bad heat two weeks ago or whatever. And then that broke and it rained. And I walked outside a couple of them, nice summer night, and I went, this is frog. This is a froggy.

[H. Foley]

If they're gonna come out, they're coming out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everything's wet and dewy. It's cold. They're coming out to soak up some. Soak up some suds.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Frogs are back.

[H. Foley]

They like the moisture, gets on their skin.

[Kevin Ryan]

Amphibians.

[H. Foley]

Amphibians. Scary.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yikes.

[H. Foley]

Are they cold blooded?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't know. What's the Dempsey Group say about that? Your trash is our trust fund. I mean, the amount of money we spent on his corner seems crazy. Frogs are indeed cold blooded.

[H. Foley]

Cold blooded. Which. What does that exactly mean? They don't heat up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have you ever met my grandfather? He was a cold man. Cold, cold man. Have you ever met Patty Foley?

[H. Foley]

Patty's that bitch.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cold blooded.

[H. Foley]

No. She's a sweetheart.

[Kevin Ryan]

They cannot produce much internal heat and cannot maintain a constant body temperature. Man.

[H. Foley]

That weird. You think they would have died off. That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I mean, I. I don't. There's crazier stuff to me than. Frogs are cold blooded.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

All right. Wacky life.

[Kevin Ryan]

This guy's walking around with a goddamn chill on all day.

[H. Foley]

Put it on the edge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get a scarf or something. Do you ever see when they put. Okay.

[H. Foley]

People putting people putting mayonnaise on breakfast sandwiches? No. All right, fair enough. You don't think that's weird?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

People put mayonnaise on breakfast sandwiches. I like it.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. You. Hoagie fest. Hank. No way.

[H. Foley]

Fast. Hank. I got a little item over there at. At Wawa. Not to bring it up again, but they have the sizzly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about keeping it tight over here.

[H. Foley]

They have the sizzly. Sizzly club. Bacon, lettuce, tomato mayo with the egg and the cheese and a little bit of ham underneath.

[Kevin Ryan]

How's that?

[H. Foley]

Real good.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. It's your world.

[H. Foley]

Frog boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rivet.

[H. Foley]

Have you ever had frog. Frog legs?

[Kevin Ryan]

I used to have frogs as pets many a times.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have I ever had frog legs? Frog legs? No.

[H. Foley]

Used to serve him at the Blue Bell Inn.

[Kevin Ryan]

I had snails once.

[H. Foley]

Escar got.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a fan, you heard?

[H. Foley]

Snapping turtle soup. It's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

We found. I remember my uncle found one in a sea aisle.

[H. Foley]

I don't trust those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rained heavy and this thing came out. This thing. He looked like Jurassic Park. Big old mouth on him. Now I'm sure my uncle had it like he was fucking.

[H. Foley]

I hate when that's crazy Steve Irwin.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta go release it in the bay. I see a probably swim in a bay. Jerko like a guy come take my peter off, release it in the face dumpster. Put it in his sewer or something. Take him out to the Pine Barrens.

[H. Foley]

I remember becoming aware of those as a kid being like, what? No. Saw one for the first time.

[Kevin Ryan]

They sit there with their mouth open, waiting for your tootsies to come floating along. God, I'd get you that and snakes. Serpents lurking. No, thank you. I used to go tubing as kids into serpent waters. Not too deep, not too shallow. That's where they get you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, perfect.

[Kevin Ryan]

You hit a patch of cold water. Yikes. Hopefully my pee pee is keeping them away. Man, they come at you dancing on the water, head out and stuff like them goddamn monitor. Liz, don't get me started on the monitors, all right? This one's from young no $10, homie. Never have one Red. Have you ever worn a Hooters T shirt in your family's Christmas card? Tough picture.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

There I am, 15 years old in my oversized jorts and Hooters University T shirt. At least you're a goddamn scholar. Wishing everybody we know a Merry Christmas.

[H. Foley]

I We missed that. My dad never. It's funny talking to people. A lot of dudes say that that was like a rite of passage, like their dad or their uncle taking them to Hooters for like lunch.

[Kevin Ryan]

We went once as like kind of a bit with my brother's soccer team. It was like we had like 50 kids or whatever. I remember there was all the dads. It was like between. It was like that shit would not fly Memorial Day. I mean none of the moms went. It was like four dads, a couple more working there. Cheryl.

[H. Foley]

The friends and family.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I remember my dad even be like, this ain't why we'll go. But this is like not our guys.

[H. Foley]

Used to close an ass.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's also. We were more of like, let's go to the corner bar and hit on the weight. Hit on the bartender.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean she keep Wings are cheaper. She keep me in wild cherry Cokes. And chicken. Chicken fingers. While my dad, you know, sat there with a couple of Michelubes.

[H. Foley]

Who's your buddy?

[Kevin Ryan]

Who's your bald friend here?

[H. Foley]

My boy from the Navy.

[Kevin Ryan]

We don't talk much. That boy a little bit of a shell shock.

[H. Foley]

Agent Orange got him good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Snap. A turtle took his pee pee right off.

[H. Foley]

He looks young but old at the same time. That degreaser is not good for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

At ether will get to you, don't worry. We're working in the engine room. Long days, long hours. I'm over there playing erotic photo hunt which me and skinny Vinnie and Vinnie with the Skinny and Pat used to play for way too long at the Holland pub at way too old of an age over there choking out some Tantas.

[H. Foley]

You like that? You like that creep watching anime porn?

[Kevin Ryan]

You freak, man. Shout out to. Just a good old fashioned small town public house. Ain't nothing wrong with it. Stack of quarters on the. Stack of quarters on the pool table.

[H. Foley]

We have not had a good drunk in a long time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been off. I had two beers last night at dinner, which I gotta tell you, I had fucking. I'm just. I'm a dirtbag. I go out to dinner, right? First night, first night out with the broad. My in laws are in town, baby sleeping. We've been in this shit. They go, why don't you guys go get a quick bite out, you know what I mean? Meanwhile we're fucking. I'm dragging myself across. I'm tired of shit. We sit down at the bar. Nice joint. My wife gets. My wife gets a fucking mocktail. She does get a peach. Mine probably had a nice bar program. Peach with cinnamon on it. Nice mocktail.

[H. Foley]

She likes those expensive mocktails, that wife of yours. I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jesus, they're like 16 bucks a clip. Free juices. It's like, dude, first of all, it's all like put a little vodka in here or something. It's. They do all the mixing, these people, right? They mix it up. They have a half a pear juice, half a simple syrup, half a morocco and then they dump it in the rocks glass and it fills up half the rocks list. Then they hit that with. With tonic. I go paying for mostly tonic here. But my baby wants. My baby gets. So to offset that price, I'm doing yingling bottles wholesale. They were 250 each, were they? I think so.

[H. Foley]

250, wow. Sounds like a real nice town you live in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice joint. And 250. What the fuck? Local brewery of VW. I don't know what they were VW. What are you, a Volkswagen? Bugs, if the Elks. Shout out to the Elks. Big fan. I want to be a member. I guess. My guy. Like you.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean?

[H. Foley]

One down ashore is apparently really nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, fuck. We're members.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you are?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's.

[H. Foley]

What are you bitching about?

[Kevin Ryan]

I want to be a member there. My stepdad died. He can't sign for me anymore. Be Kell. Shut up. Be Kells. He's a fan. And a homie. Connor's brother. He got in.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

My uncle Mike's in. I got to get in there.

[H. Foley]

I know a guy that can get us in. The Elks.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I can't get us in. The one down in. Was it Margate? I'm sorry. Brigantine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Brigantine.

[H. Foley]

It's apparently really nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Who? Brigantine. That's for world. North Wildwood.

[H. Foley]

Is there one in North Wildwood?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like the biggest ones in North Wild. He's dumped a bunch of money in there.

[H. Foley]

All right, relax.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bring. Getting me to go to Margate.

[H. Foley]

Whatever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not whatever. This is a hoagie fest all over again.

[H. Foley]

Looking for the cheap beers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was I saying I ordered stupid? I'm just a dirt bag. My wife orders the fucking filet mignon.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Real nice. Real nice.

[H. Foley]

On a Tuesday, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. First night out in 35 nights or something like that.

[H. Foley]

Still.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you mean, still? She earned it. Hey, she's the only reason where our fat asses are sitting here.

[H. Foley]

Lots of skirt steak night, as far as I'm concerned.

[Kevin Ryan]

We haven't been out in a long time. We've been eating chimichurri. We've been eating fucking. I mean, her dad's cooking, but, you know, just been fucking. We're in it. I ordered. I got an appetizer.

[H. Foley]

Cheesesteak egg rolls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cheesesteak egg rolls.

[H. Foley]

Man, if I ever wanted to poison you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Put them on a menu.

[H. Foley]

You kidding me?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you think I got for an auntie tray?

[H. Foley]

Chicken parmesan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, he did. It was good, though. They did it nice. This place. A little fancy. There were two jumbo chicken or two jumbo cheesesteak egg rolls. Cut in half, then cut in half.

[H. Foley]

Or cut diagonal half. I hate the diagonal cut.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know you do. I like it. It's good for dipping.

[H. Foley]

It's like something from the. It's like with the.

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe if you. Maybe if you sliced them diagonal, you wouldn't get all that olive oil on your shirt. Just. It was a little foo foo. A little fancy. They sliced them in half straight. Turned them all upside down so they were open. Like, you know, they were in like a cluster, like a pack of batteries. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Wait, is the open part sticking up or down?

[Kevin Ryan]

Open parts up.

[H. Foley]

All right, good.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little bit of some green garnish that I flicked out of the way.

[H. Foley]

Gotta stop with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

But it was in. There was cheese in there, obviously. Cheesesteak cheese and steak chopped up in aerial. Nice. Usually some. A rib eye and a Cooper Sharp or something like this. You know that.

[H. Foley]

Cooper Sharp.

[Kevin Ryan]

But then they had it. It was sitting like a. You know those. Like shallow bowls kind of.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? Like a plate bowl. Like a. Like a deep plate.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was sitting in like a cheese sauce. Not like.

[H. Foley]

Not like a cheese Bechamelli.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what it was. It was cheese sauce. I'm calling it.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's the extent you're gonna get from it.

[H. Foley]

Was it lighter?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, it's cheese sauce.

[H. Foley]

So it's a bechamel cream sauce.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, you and your. You and your French friends and Brigantine and Margate can do whatever you want.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm doing a cheese sauce with a 250 yinger. All right. Hit me. And I tell you a little bit. I've mulched these things.

[H. Foley]

Little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little bit of ketchup on there, too. Mix it in, make a fancy sauce.

[H. Foley]

And then a chicken parmesan to wash that down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Aha. I only did 1. 1. 1. I only did one of the. One of the chickies.

[H. Foley]

Take that home.

[Kevin Ryan]

Took it home.

[H. Foley]

Sure you did.

[Kevin Ryan]

Side of pasta. Had it for breakfast this morning.

[H. Foley]

Is that true?

[Kevin Ryan]

On my way to Wawa. I didn't have it.

[H. Foley]

Is it sitting there at the house?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's at the house. I'm gonna have it tonight when I get home.

[H. Foley]

Hope they throw it out on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just a bad person. Hope they throw it out. But they did something. I thought it was gonna be one of those heavy, deep, dark, extra fried cuddies, which I love.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Real light, light color, light breading. A little bit like a lemon or something in there. I didn't know where the hell I might have. I might as well been at fucking Buckingham Palace. I'll tell you that one.

[H. Foley]

What's that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Basil. Leaning Tower of Pisa.

[H. Foley]

I get basil and mint mixed up so many times.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I gotta. If I'm buying a lot of times. I know it. But when they're with all the other Stuff I gotta Google.

[H. Foley]

It's all grass.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's all weed except for rosemary that you can snipe.

[Kevin Ryan]

Time. I don't mess with that.

[H. Foley]

I like time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't have it, but. Yeah. I mean, I just like.

[H. Foley]

As I. Rosemary's like eating pine needles.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Eating Christmas.

[Kevin Ryan]

As I was ordering it, I was like, man, I'm sitting here at the bar, this joint, the Phil's game was on. I got a yinger going. I got cheesesteak egg rolls on the way. What a cheese.

[H. Foley]

You got one in you?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You got it. You got. You have a. You have a yingling in you. Have you finished the first yingling?

[Kevin Ryan]

At what point?

[H. Foley]

But you're having this moment.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was when I was ordering. It was like, am I really going to. Is this going to be. My complete order is yingling, chicken parm and cheesesteak egg rolls.

[H. Foley]

That's all right.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it was.

[H. Foley]

Because there is a moment in a restaurant or a bar where you have that one drink in you and you just ordered and you're sitting there and it's like. It's perfect.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it was nice.

[H. Foley]

That usually goes south after, like, the 15th. Gingling.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't.

[H. Foley]

You're on the phone and, you know that ends up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Getting asked to leave credit cards, not going through.

[H. Foley]

What.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's just pretty bonkers. This is from Wolfie. Ten dollar Homie. Never had one read. Are you garbage if you break. I'm sorry. Are you garbage if you bake cookie dough in a spoon over a candle because there's a power outage and there's nothing left in the fridge because the paycheck hits tomorrow. By the way, it was surprisingly good.

[H. Foley]

I imagine it would be.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got to give you that. That's.

[H. Foley]

I imagine it would be. There's no difference between that and some foo foo thing that they sell at Williams Sonoma to make homemade s'. Mores. Because we have one of those. I know what the heat source is. It's alcohol, straight rubbing alcohol. You pour alcohol in this little thing and it heat and it sets on fire. You make little s'. Mores. There's nothing different than that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, if it's a scented candle, I'm sure it's a little different. Of course. Yeah. I mean, there's no power. That's a little different.

[H. Foley]

Stormy said, I understand.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just saying there's for sure difference.

[H. Foley]

Rolling brownouts. What are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

But I'll give it to you. I Think it's ingenuity. I think if you're sitting there, powers out. You got much going on. You go, can we spruce this up a little bit?

[H. Foley]

I respect it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I'm with that. That's all right. There you go. If your power. Plus you got to get rid of that. Whatever's in that fridge. You gotta. You gotta move quick.

[H. Foley]

Quick. Don't open that fridge, huh? Remember that when the power is out, you touch the fridge, they freak out on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember being on my aunts in fucking sea aisle that.

[H. Foley]

Being on the phone during a lightning storm.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah, the being in the tall get you through the window.

[H. Foley]

Sharpshooter.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, if he gets me through the window, God's got it out for me. I ain't. I ain't doing no final destination lit.

[H. Foley]

Up in the tub.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's my. That's my time, baby. Punch me out, dude. I remember we were. We used to have the. I told you. We used to have these big luaus. My aunt Patty and Uncle John have a house in sea aisle and it was one of those big old fucking asphalt Shane. Like big old houses. Relatively dilapidated towards the end. Then they did the thing where like, they obviously bought it for cheap when they could afford when CIO wasn't. Or nice. Really. They bought it, held onto it for. I mean, they had it for 30 years and then sold half of it and built the side by side. They. You know, they get a free house.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

A new free house and then someone else buys the one next door. But we were have these luaus where. I mean, no, it. No central. I mean, it was just like. When you say luau, I'm talking topless broads. Is there.

[H. Foley]

Is it a Hawaiian theme? Like, is there. Yeah, like the cheap lays and all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're talking cheap lays. We're talking like, you know, torches or whatever. Tiki torches. We're talking like. No, no, pool. Like kitty pool full of beers.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty cute.

[Kevin Ryan]

Some. Like, that was the coolest. I remember the one year we had a fondue fountain. I mean, but it was like fucking 102 degrees. I'm sitting there eating hot chocolate. Dude, I'm dipping. I'm dipping everything in there.

[H. Foley]

It's all over your shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

And Denise's boy's really growing up. Covered in chocolate like that kid covered. Ever see the little kid covered in peanut butter covers his little brother in peanut butter?

[H. Foley]

You probably couldn't figure that out for the life of you where that chocolate was coming from. You're looking at the cord.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember being under the table going what in the hell is this? I swear to God, I remember it like as clear as day. Looking under the table kind of.

[H. Foley]

Einstein Rosenbridge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where the hell did these mothers. Dude, it was. It looked like the Stanley Cup. It was all. It was all stainless steel, man. After a while start getting too thick. Crumbs and stuff. Jam up them holes. Get your finger out of there. They're yelling at me. But they were putting too much. So like obviously when you're having a party like that for like a hundred people or whatever it was. I have the picture. Maybe we can drop it. I have the picture of me, all of us with the laser. I'm blowing out a cake. And you. You saw it and said it looks like a blood. Looks like. It looks like it's meatloaf. It looks like I'm blowing out a candles in a meatloaf. But I remember they were. They were putting too much warm stuff in the fridge. And it was so hot. No central air. So hot in the kitchen.

[H. Foley]

That's food poisoning city.

[Kevin Ryan]

And we all the kids.

[H. Foley]

How you end up at Shore Memorial?

[Kevin Ryan]

You end up as Shore Memorial. You're jammed.

[H. Foley]

I've been there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get them out. Get them. Get them back to the city.

[H. Foley]

Dude, I'd rather be at a.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's at Shore Memorial.

[H. Foley]

I'd rather be at a hospital in Bangkok. That's a rough spot over there. Some lifeguard slash bartenders head surgeon.

[Kevin Ryan]

That.

[H. Foley]

It's actually wonderful.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's. Yeah. It's way. My grandparents lived in the Seaville. So they. You know, as they got older and got sicker they were in and out of shore. We go. I'd have to go down to Shore Memorial but if anything happened. I remember my brother's appendix burst down ashore.

[H. Foley]

That's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

And he ended up at Shore Memorial. And I remember my mom going get him to out of Shore Memorial.

[H. Foley]

Big hospital. So he didn't like it all that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Was always get him to Pan. Get him. At least. Get him to Jefferson. At least. Like I was slumming it. Yeah. Call. We're like that's one thing. That is dirtbag as we are.

[H. Foley]

That's a very.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nurses everybody. There's so like my mom. Everybody works in hospital. We're fucking locked in.

[H. Foley]

It's a very Philly dirtbag thing of judging hospital systems. Philly.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get him Lankan all. They'll kill you over here.

[H. Foley]

Getting a chop. I said that was a salad place.

[Kevin Ryan]

But they were screaming as the kids. We'd be like so Hungry throughout the day. But they're cooking. But they ain't cooking food you can eat. You know what I mean? So at noon, they're prepping for the party tonight. And I'm looking for a little num nums, you know? So we'd go like, open the nape, close the goddamn. For hitting you with, like, an oven.

[H. Foley]

Trying to cool it down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's like tuts. Okay. Corn on a cop. What are we doing here? I need something Now.

[H. Foley]

I get two words for you. Hoagie fest.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. I remember opening that fridge and just see, like, the iced tea. Sweating like it was not. Not cold enough in there to keep anything. Oh, man. All right. This one's from Nicole. Ten dollar homie Shout out to the ten dollar homie. It is by far, like five times the amount of the most popular level.

[H. Foley]

Get the hard feelings.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ten dollar homie Never have one red. Is it garbage if you as a kid. This is. This, this is brought back memories. Is it garbage if as a kid I had to bring a suitcase to school every Thursday?

[H. Foley]

Oh.

[Kevin Ryan]

My parents got divorced when I was 4, and for some reason the custody worked out that my dad specifically had me. Every Thursday night. Starting at five years old, I was lugging a suitcase to school, getting lots of odd looks from other kindergarteners, thinking where I was going on a sudden vacation.

[H. Foley]

What the fuck? That's jammed up like a traveling salesman.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's pretty. I remember putting clothes. I remember not wanting to have to take a bag to school, man. And stuffing clothes.

[H. Foley]

Why don't you just have clothes? More clothes at your dad's place?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man, that's easier. You know, you own two T shirts and you're 50. I'm fucking eight years old, flopping between two houses.

[H. Foley]

You didn't have skivvies and shit over there?

[Kevin Ryan]

I did, but it's like, I don't know what's there. I. You know, I hadn't been there in a week. I don't know what's clean.

[H. Foley]

He's probably not doing the worst.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know what fit, you know, I mean, it's also like I'm fluctuating inside. God damn. Fucking found chocolate. Found dew fountain.

[H. Foley]

A week's like five years of a fat kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. So it's like, you know, also it's like I have like, those clothes are shit. I don't want to wear that fucking whatever. I want to wear this cool thing, you know? So I remember lugging clothes back in a grocery bag. School now. School bag. Always, always hit it in the school bag.

[H. Foley]

And you're. We used to put one. You'd have two school bags. Did you.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I put it in the one. Look.

[H. Foley]

A real brainiac.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, guys. Just working on my study. Yeah, but that, that's.

[H. Foley]

Were you the kid that had the big school bag that was like dragging behind?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you think? What do you think there?

[H. Foley]

I would rather flunk every class than walk around like that. I used to be like, how the are you holding that up?

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. They had to kind of lean forward so he didn't go all up.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

We would call him, you know, he looked like Minkus from Boy Meets World. Hit me with a Minkus. Do you know Minkus? Mincus are. And Minkus for us was watching Boy Meets World.

[H. Foley]

Was in my 30s, my 20s. High school. It's Fred Savage's kid brother.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is Minkus. No, Minkus was the nerd in school.

[H. Foley]

Ah, poor little Mink.

[Kevin Ryan]

Classic nerd. Him and then the kid from Little Giants.

[H. Foley]

I remember Little Giants. You mean the good looking kid that was in the show? He was his boy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sean Hunter.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now they got a pretty good pod. A pretty big pod.

[H. Foley]

Topanga, no kidding.

[Kevin Ryan]

This kid was huge in the 90s.

[H. Foley]

Let me see it.

[Kevin Ryan]

That kid.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah, he was huge.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember he had this.

[H. Foley]

Not writing checks. Yeah, I remember him in Little Giants.

[Kevin Ryan]

Him and the Ice. We went to school with a girl who looked just like the icebox. Oddly attractive. Shout out the ice box.

[H. Foley]

Shoot. You're in your chocolate fondue tails. Probably.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ever been to a luau? I got a huge school bag on. I'm going to my dad's tonight.

[H. Foley]

I had to bring extra clothes, hence the rotary bag.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean luggage to schools.

[H. Foley]

Tough luck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I, I you. I remember my brother and sister could do it. Because they were athletes for school. So they put it in like they had like their soccer. But they had their equipment bag of some kind.

[H. Foley]

So they. I always had, always had a change of clothes.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, cool guy. Yeah, dude.

[H. Foley]

I'm trying to relate to this fat little bastard.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why'd you ever change your clothes? You got olive oil stains on it midway through yourself.

[H. Foley]

Because I had fucking practiced.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's different. You had to change that day. I get that. I'm fucking. I'm moving a wardrobe between single parents, homes.

[H. Foley]

Tough break.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ah, bad times. Bad, bad times. Looking back.

[H. Foley]

You don't know who's picking you up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dad forgot a couple two tree times sure show up. Couple Rolling Rock bottles come scooting out. This one's from Tommy Haglin. Yo. Are you guys greasing the hibachi guy? Slip him some cash as he's cleaning up. I've only been to hibachi as I've been older. With some money once, and I was at a resort. My brother greased the guy. Guy did great. We greased him heavy. I think you gotta. If they're a showman, find out the. See if there's like a. I couldn't tell you. You've never been to Hibachi? No, I love a Hibach.

[H. Foley]

Never been.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta go.

[H. Foley]

I've never been a hibachi. And I've never been to a foga de chow where they keep the meat.

[Kevin Ryan]

That seems so excessive. I mean, I like a lot, but, like, too much meat is. I get tired and sloppy and sweaty and it ruins the night.

[H. Foley]

Why don't you take me to Hibachi?

[Kevin Ryan]

Why don't you take your self to Hibachi?

[H. Foley]

All right. I thought it'd be a fun time. I guess I will go by myself. Like a. Sitting next to some.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I gotta pay.

[H. Foley]

Some Italian family, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

I don't know. You think it'd be nice?

[Kevin Ryan]

Man, there's this real bad picture of me floating around at Hibachi that I saw not that long ago. It's so embarrassing. I remember taking this. I don't know if I told you. I took a shirt out of my trunk and put it on. It was like I had worn it, like, weeks before.

[H. Foley]

And you got a whole lobster in your mouth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing sake bombs. It is customary to tip the bocce chef. Of course.

[H. Foley]

Grease him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. He's a performer. He's a performer. At the end of the day, I'm with that hibachi.

[H. Foley]

You might know it as omakase. No, probably your family.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're a big hibachi family. Yeah. Went there for every birthday that was. Wait, was it still rich kids. Sakura. How do you spell that? S, A, Q, K, U, R, A. They got a few of them. I found the one you're looking at. Classy joint, though. Yeah, little cl. I mean, that's not the hibachi. That ain't the Mount Fuji I was going to in the strip mall.

[H. Foley]

No, it's just a grill smoking.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was like. It was kind of like a new money. It was like a fun. It was what, like rich people there was like, them slumming, like, o go be fun and have a man cook.

[H. Foley]

For us type thing and have him fired immediately.

[Kevin Ryan]

We throw pennies at him. That onion volcano will not blows my brain. We can go.

[H. Foley]

That'd be cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is there any in the city? There is, yeah. Good ones though. They're tight. We got to go out to the burbs. Yeah, you got it. The burbs have the big do.

[H. Foley]

A Benihana, the original.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where's that at?

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Benihana.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. They're all over the place.

[Kevin Ryan]

You said the original. I mean, so the original can't be.

[H. Foley]

All over the place. Jesus Christ. You cross examining me? I'm fucking sweating here. The original Hibachi place, not the original Benihana. Okay, I don't think that is that. I'm sure that's New York.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got one midtown. Yeah, yeah. I admit that. I go, all right, this one's Trudy roof. That's pretty good. $10 boondoggle. First time having one. First time posting one. Is it garbage to be 57 but brag about having a 6 foot wingspan? That's all right. Wingspan is a dirt bag thing to brag about. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

How can you have that 57 with a 6 foot wingspan? Long arms, I guess.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but not significantly long. I mean they're like an inch.

[H. Foley]

That'd be normal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you're supposed. It's. I, you're. It's the same distance.

[H. Foley]

That's not true. That's an old wives tale.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, it's like very.

[H. Foley]

I mean it's like this is how tall I am.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like almost like. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Really so white. I am nothing on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

And they also. They say your pants around your neck. I heard that when I was selling dungarees.

[H. Foley]

Pants around your neck.

[Kevin Ryan]

So like a. No, not you wouldn't. Or you'd have a pretty big neck. But you take a pair of pants you never heard of.

[H. Foley]

Your neck and your waist are supposed to be the same size.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's half. So like you keep them button. You tell me your neck and your waist is supposed to be. That's the case. I gotta get eaten. If you like, you pull a pair of pants off a shelf. They're buttoned, you're holding them up. Yeah, you do that and it should be. It's like about right.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anatomically so. Like. Yeah. If your neck's like 17 inches, you wear like a size. You wear a 34 waist.

[H. Foley]

My neck's like 22. 21. 21.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, you have a 22. You have a deuce deuce neck. Take a tire size. I think an average guy, 7, 16, 17.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

A deuce deuce.

[H. Foley]

I think it's about 20, 21, man. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Faux fos tipping on fo fos.

[H. Foley]

A thick neck dog.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. Don't try to, like, act like it's a good thing.

[H. Foley]

It's all my lat work.

[Kevin Ryan]

Trying to think of an acronym for Latin Long ass Tomatoes is all I got to. All right. Let's.

[H. Foley]

Tomatoes are in. By the way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Corn's coming in soon. Letting you know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Farmer Foley. Yeah. This has been the almanac corner.

[H. Foley]

I like all that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

This has been the almanac corner.

[H. Foley]

That's what I was trying to get at. A patty with that double deuce. She had some old watermelon. Get out of here with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have you ever seen Pete's Produce Corner in New York? It's like an institution. He's like Channel 5 or something. And it's like him sitting the deli. Gunnies. Yeah. You pick out a nice.

[H. Foley]

No. Does he have one of those little carving things?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

I love seeing guys at, like produce warehouses where they have that little thing and they cut it open. It's like a little hook. It's great. There's also some fish place downtown is supposedly really good fish market in Chinatown. Guy's got a whole operation gets the freshest fish.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. You know who buys the freshest fish in the. In the. In the country.

[H. Foley]

Yes. Wegmans.

[Kevin Ryan]

Costco. Might be. But what I would. I'm going restaurant.

[H. Foley]

Restaurant. Don't say Red Lobster.

[Kevin Ryan]

Red Lobster. So the biggest. Yeah. They buy 25% of all the lobster and crab in the. In the.

[H. Foley]

They were on the brink. The young CEO pulled them out of the fire.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's where I got the stat from.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Huh. He started.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was looked. He were viewed it as. It's bad meat. He's like, we can. We can charge less because we buy so much of it. They buy. He said they buy 25% of all the crab and lobster in the country.

[H. Foley]

No shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a lot of crab. Is it me or is that a lot of crab?

[H. Foley]

I wouldn't mind hitting a Red Lobster. Show a little support. Show a little love for them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Let's do it. I had a hibachi. We're getting fat again. Guy brought it back from Wawa twice today. Yeah. I go pay, pay, pay our dues.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's see if we can get a. See if we get like a private dining or something.

[H. Foley]

Got a Red Lobster.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've had them Cheddar Bay biscuits before.

[H. Foley]

You think, hello.

[Kevin Ryan]

The one in New York has to have some. Some sort of. Some sort of VIP booth.

[H. Foley]

Or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell him the big man's coming home. We got the double deuce on the line.

[H. Foley]

The man has a 22 inch neck.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're gonna need more.

[H. Foley]

There's a man with a 22 inch neck standing outside.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, I am. The double deuce. What do you got? They got one in Times Square. Apparently the chef will curate a multi course group dining menu for you.

[H. Foley]

Curate a multi course dining menu.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bit of an experience.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got Tip him. Fucking grease that.

[H. Foley]

Probably up front.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cough it up. I don't know what we got. He's playing it all coy. Maybe we got fish. Maybe we don't want this with this.

[H. Foley]

Fat ass neck coming in here.

[Kevin Ryan]

That.

[H. Foley]

Make with the cash.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see. This one's just funny. This is from Spiro. Is it garbage that during my high school graduation party, my parents used the party as a business expense and invited a bunch of business associates that I did not know? Man, if that's not the A ayg way of doing business. That's so good, dude. Let's write this whole thing off. That's shout out to your dirtbag parents. That's awesome.

[H. Foley]

I used to hate that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Whenever that was, if there was like a party for me and my dad would invite people that I didn't know, like some of his friends. Like, who the Is this guy making the move on my tomato pie?

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Some beat ass card.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Hey, kid. Ah, you. Hey, kid.

[H. Foley]

When are you leaving?

[Kevin Ryan]

How old are you? 32. It's like, dude, shut up. Quit hitting on my sister, will you?

[H. Foley]

I have a sister. My brother. Yeah, that's funny, man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Damn, that is. That's pretty good. All right, let's see here. This one's from Hoagies and Heaters. Great name. Oh, 10 hoagie fest here. Never have one red.

[H. Foley]

You got that?

[Kevin Ryan]

My Aunt Kate.

[H. Foley]

I started it all.

[Kevin Ryan]

Started at all. She was instrumental in a Philadelphia institution.

[H. Foley]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, she should be given a day in the city or something. It should be Aunt Kate day. Give her the keys of the city.

[H. Foley]

My cousin's husband's the one that introduced the Swedish fish flavor at Rita's Water Ice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, cool. They don't bring that back every year.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they do. That's on the menu.

[Kevin Ryan]

Made the menu. I remember the first time I had it. It was the one at Village Shires. Vinnie with the skinny sister was slanging ices and we went and she was like. T. Vinnie was like, have you had the Swedish fish? I said, shut your mouth. I'm a root beer. Man, everybody knows it. Root beer, vanilla. I would only do root beer, vanilla and chocolate, man. And that chocolate hit like I'm a. What are we doing? What do we do? Somebody.

[H. Foley]

I love chocolate water rice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I do medium fat. I do a lot. Do a large chocolate water around.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man. Lemon, cherry.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't like cherry because they put the bits of cherry in there. Get out of here.

[H. Foley]

Might as well be working out of here with that. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the. I'm not here for my health. I'm eating a three foot pretzel brain. Right.

[H. Foley]

Trying to lower my ldl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

Make with the Choco Maco.

[Kevin Ryan]

I remember finding that out for the first time. I went, what. What the hell is he.

[H. Foley]

The Swedish fish?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the chunks of cherry in the cherry. They left a pit in my.

[H. Foley]

Hey, skinning this.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gross. I remember being like, no, thank you. Handing it right back to my dad.

[H. Foley]

What is your return policy on half eaten wooderites?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why I like chocolate, vanilla and root beer. Putting root. Root beer skin in there.

[H. Foley]

Hey, with a nice root beer barrel, that'd be happy.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go. Drop one or two of them in the bottom. Maybe a tootsie Roll and a chocolate.

[H. Foley]

Chocolate water ice. Is there anything fatter?

[Kevin Ryan]

Same. You're eating sweetest fish water. Right? What are we talking about? You act like you're over here eating lemon sorbet or something, but Vinnie goes, you got. Have you had it? I said, no. He goes, we turn his. His Buick around. We. I mean, we came in wheels. We came, parked it. She saw us. He was like, make. Go with the swimming with the fishies. Hit her with one of these. I.

[H. Foley]

My mind was talking about getting a flavor perfect.

[Kevin Ryan]

So when they do that, this is how my brain works. They extract chemicals from the Swedish fish.

[H. Foley]

They catch them first.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wild caught.

[H. Foley]

Hey, yellow piece of spit right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Size chocolate water ice.

[H. Foley]

Like a math teacher, buddy, you're sweating through your shirt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sweat going on. They boil that down and then add that. They're not making that from scratch. That's a chemical they're dropping in there because it's too perfect. I don't think you'd be able to reach.

[H. Foley]

Sure. They just get the flavoring from Swedish fish and add it to the ice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right.

[H. Foley]

They're not melting them down. Gooey. Yeah, they're just getting the flavor.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's a. It's a liquid they're dumping into ice. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Or a powder.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, powder probably makes more sense.

[H. Foley]

You got anything on that brainiac liquid be too expensive.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a combination of natural and artificial flavors.

[H. Foley]

Bad. The fuck out of here. Here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. It's air and red 18.

[H. Foley]

Hit me.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

Do yourself a favor. Check out Hoagie Fest this summer.

[Kevin Ryan]

And Swedish fish at Rita's.

[H. Foley]

Grab some tickets to the live show. Grab the new merch. We got new shirts.

[Kevin Ryan]

We got Uncle Hank's hot dogs.

[H. Foley]

King of the burbs. Garbage.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the garbage university. And the Luke over there has got the ant hoodies. Sanitation, get them while supplies.

[H. Foley]

Lace, we love you. We'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.