Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast – Episode: House of Ham w/ Sam Tallent Release Date: May 1, 2025
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Sam Tallent

Introduction

In the episode titled "House of Ham," hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley welcome back their returning guest, Sam Tallent—a talented stand-up comedian, accomplished author, and Random House author. The episode dives deep into Sam's quirky household, personal anecdotes, and his unique lifestyle, all delivered with the trademark humor and candidness that define the "Are You Garbage?" podcast.

Guest Introduction and Welcome

[00:37] Kevin Ryan & H. Foley open the show by introducing Sam Tallent as an "incredibly special guest" who has graced their podcast multiple times before. They express excitement about Sam's upcoming tours in the UK and Australia, highlighting his growing popularity and comedic prowess.

Sam's Unique Household: The Ham in the Basement

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around Sam's unconventional household, particularly the infamous ham stored in his basement. This humorous topic serves as a centerpiece for their banter.

• Sam Tallent: Discusses how he obtained the ham as a housewarming gift and humorously explains the challenges it poses.
  Quote: "It was like throwing a blanket over a dog's cage. You have to quiet it down. Yeah, that's gross." [12:07]

• Kevin Ryan: Teases Sam about the practicality and hygiene of keeping ham in the basement, leading to jokes about gas leaks and sanitation.
  Quote: "He just bleeding in the bathtub, but then you're also taking time to send us self-handwritten postcards." [06:14]

• H. Foley: Adds to the humor by questioning the storage choices and the potential issues arising from having such a large piece of meat in the basement.
  Quote: "You can't be keeping ham in the basement." [12:20]

The trio humorously debates over the classiest versus trashiest elements of Sam's house, ultimately landing on Sam's solarium as the classiest feature and the ham as the trashiest.

Household Chores and Furniture Fiascos

The discussion shifts to various household chores and furniture issues, maintaining a comedic tone throughout.

• Dishwasher Dilemmas: Sam shares his struggles with a perpetually smelly dishwasher, despite having replaced it twice.
  Quote: "We did. We got this. The second one, and it still reeks." [21:29]

• Furniture Woes: The conversation touches on expensive furniture Sam purchased at a discount, which now resides near the ham in the basement due to comfort issues.
  Quote: "It's been relegated cuz it's not comfy." [24:17]

• Solarium Shenanigans: Sam describes his solarium as a "human" and the room where he indulges in writing, further illustrating the eccentricities of his home.
  Quote: "I write in that room. I sit in this Big chair and I..." [14:30]

Personal Anecdotes and Lifestyle

Sam Tallent opens up about his personal life, travels, and the impact of his lifestyle choices on his relationships and daily routines.

• Travel Tales: Sam talks about his frequent travels to Japan, including a heartfelt trip to Disneyland with his family. His emotional reflections add depth to the humorous dialogue.
  Quote: "I was just crying the whole time because of how proud I was." [18:42]

• Family Dynamics: The guest shares stories about his sister's wedding, including his father passing out from substance use, which adds a layer of sincerity amid the comedy.
  Quote: "My dad got too high. And then all that..." [53:39]

• Living Arrangements: They discuss living in an RV and the challenges associated with it, highlighting the transient lifestyle some guests and listeners might relate to.
  Quote: "We had an old, broken down rv, like, on our property..." [55:54]

Buffet Behaviors and Social Faux Pas

A recurring theme in the episode is social etiquette at buffets, where the hosts and Sam share their less-than-stellar experiences.

• Crab Legs Conundrum: The group humorously critiques the competitive nature of securing crab legs at buffets, comparing themselves to basketball players in a paint game.
  Quote: "I'm fucking Rodman in the paint, dude." [30:38]

• Hypnosis on Cruises: Sam recounts his aunt's hypnotism experience on a cruise ship, where she was convinced she was a duck, leading to chaotic and funny outcomes.
  Quote: "She ran around on stage flapping and... she had no recollection..." [59:21]

Food and Eating Habits

The conversation delves into quirky eating habits and utensil preferences, sparked by references to popular shows like "White Lotus."

• Mac and Cheese Debates: Sam and the hosts debate the best utensils for eating mac and cheese, blending culinary preferences with comedic insights.
  Quote: "If it's like a Classic black Mac and cheese that's as thick as the pot is long, you need a fucking fork to chop." [45:35]

• Utensil Usage in Different Cultures: They explore the use of spoons and forks in Thai cuisine, adding an educational twist to their humor.
  Quote: "Fork and spoon are used primarily utensils for Thai meals." [47:52]

Social Security and Personal Documentation

A lighter segment involves the hosts and Sam discussing the necessity and storage of Social Security cards, sprinkled with humorous takes on personal security and forgetfulness.

• Checkbook Chronicles: Sam humorously describes keeping checks in a gun safe, emphasizing his old-school approach to financial security.
  Quote: "I have four checks that are, like, in the gun safe." [07:48]

• Lost Documentation: They joke about misplacing Social Security cards and the absurdity of needing them in modern times.
  Quote: "I have my passport. I know my number." [36:54]

Closing Remarks and Upcoming Projects

As the episode winds down, the hosts and Sam recap key moments, promote Sam's upcoming tours, and share heartfelt sentiments about their collaboration.

• Tour Announcements: Sam reiterates his tour dates across the UK and Australia, encouraging listeners to attend his performances.
  Quote: "For you guys, go see Mr. Sam Talent." [63:58]

• Book Promotion: Sam's latest book, "Chubby Behemoth," is highlighted, available through Random House, with a nod to supporting local bookstores.
  Quote: "It's available wherever. Buy it from your local bookstore." [64:05]

• Final Goodbyes: The episode concludes with warm farewells, expressions of mutual respect, and a tease about upcoming tours and projects.
  Quote: "We love you guys very much." [64:18]

Notable Quotes

1. Sam Tallent on Ham Storage:
   “It was like throwing a blanket over a dog's cage. You have to quiet it down. Yeah, that's gross.” [12:07]

2. Kevin Ryan on Dishwasher Issues:
   “We did. We got this. The second one, and it still reeks.” [21:29]

3. Sam Tallent Reflecting on Travels:
   “I was just crying the whole time because of how proud I was.” [18:42]

4. Discussion on Utensils:
   “If it's like a Classic black Mac and cheese that's as thick as the pot is long, you need a fucking fork to chop.” [45:35]

5. On Social Security Cards:
   “I have four checks that are, like, in the gun safe.” [07:48]

Conclusion

The "House of Ham" episode offers a delightful blend of humor, personal stories, and candid conversations, embodied by Sam Tallent's unique lifestyle and experiences. Kevin Ryan and H. Foley expertly navigate through various topics, ensuring that listeners are both entertained and engaged. Whether it's debating the best utensil for mac and cheese or navigating the chaos of household ham storage, this episode encapsulates the essence of what makes "Are You Garbage?" a standout comedy podcast.

Note: For those interested in catching Sam Tallent live or exploring his literary works, be sure to check out his upcoming tours and his book "Chubby Behemoth" available through Random House.