How to Cancel Plans! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

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Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? "How to Cancel Plans!" (Patreon Bonus)

Podcast: Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast
Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Episode: How to Cancel Plans!
Date: July 6, 2026

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Overview

This hilarious Patreon episode features comedians and co-hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley dissecting the relatable, sometimes toxic art of canceling plans—especially the evasive maneuvers and outright lies we tell ourselves (and others) to get out of obligations. Featuring riffs on childhood, new boots, “sick cats,” and whose mom is prouder, the episode is a masterclass in trashy honesty, sharp banter, and the “game” of social avoidance.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Banter & New Boots (00:16–15:00)

• Show setting: The banter kicks off in classic Are You Garbage style, complete with mutual insults, tales of new purchases, and playful fat jokes.
• Boot Talk: Foley boasts about his $89 DSW boots, which quickly become the butt of jokes about their impracticality and pain.
  • “Look at him. Nice new boots. $89 DSW. Genuine leather. Folks can smell it from here.” — H. Foley (03:01)
  • “Can smell the blood from the blisters. Already them dogs are a barking.” — Kevin Ryan (03:11)
• Style Debate: The guys riff on what makes a “good” pair of boots, gaffers vs. actors, and Foley’s unsuccessful attempts to buy “cool dude” boots.

2. Being Grown, Self-Care, and Foot Pain (15:00–22:00)

• Taking care: Foley attempts to justify the purchase as a step towards adulthood or self-care but confesses the boots are excruciating.
  • “I think it is a very nice professional, grown up look for you.” — Kevin Ryan (11:00)
• Shoe Regrets & Weaknesses: They riff about bad foot problems from years of bad shoes, plantar fasciitis, and childhood boot trauma.
  • “You're too big to be wearing not good shoes. I'm too big to be wearing not good shoes.” — Kevin Ryan (15:07)
• Moms’ Shoes & Kohl’s Love: Kevin shares about his mom’s taste and Foley reminisces about shopping at Kohl’s, moving into a tangent about big-box stores and generational style changes.

3. Canceling Plans: Society’s Favorite Pastime (24:09–41:12)

Why We Cancel

• Excuses 101: The hosts run down the classic reasons for bailing—work, baby, sickness, “timeline shifts,” and the ever-reliable “my cat/dog is sick.”
  • “Not feeling well now post-Covid is pretty wide open.” — Kevin Ryan (26:20)
  • “You have a get out of jail free card with [the baby].” — H. Foley (31:42)
• When It’s Acceptable: They debate if there’s a “rule” about how often you can cancel before it stops being forgivable:
  • “If you did it once a year, totally understandable. ...But it’s relatively expected you’re gonna try to get out of something.” — Kevin Ryan (33:17)
• Family/Friend Dynamics: Foley notes that while he’s cool with people canceling on him, he gets endless ridicule when he does the same.
  • “But I find that when I do that, I’m getting ridiculed.” — H. Foley (32:54)

Memorable Anecdotes

• Foley admits to bailing so much his friends expect it:
  • “I used to get away with the cat for a while...” — H. Foley (34:45)
• Kevin on mental health, socializing, and embracing discomfort:
  • “I know the answer is through the thing I don’t want to do. If that makes sense.” — Kevin Ryan (25:32)

4. Methods and Etiquette of Canceling (41:12–69:00)

Best Ways to Bail

• Timing: “I think 72 hours is—nobody should be—hold a grudge of any kind.” — Kevin Ryan (57:25)
• Short & Sweet: Long, over-detailed lies only make you more suspicious.
  • “Keep it short, don’t over explain—as detailed lies often sound suspicious.” — Kevin Ryan (66:39)
• Channel Your Excuses:
  • “Hey, I’m jammed up on the GW. The tunnel’s gridlock. Leave that.” — Kevin Ryan (67:02)
• “Advanced Techniques”: Foley once called out of work, then called his boss back pretending to be his dad (legendary).
  • “I called my boss and I was like, man, I'm so sick. ...I called him back acting like he was my dad.” — H. Foley (67:20)
• Platform Matters: Text is fine for casual friends, but family deserves a call.
  • “If it’s my mom, you gotta call your mom.” — Kevin Ryan (68:15)

Problems with Planning

• Both admit to overcommitting to future plans, being “the best version” of themselves two weeks away, then dreading the actual event day-of.

Invitations and Social FOMO

• A subplot emerges around Luke rescinding a party invitation, with Foley aggrieved at being left out of a soiree “with a bunch of hot broads,” sparking layered discussions about exclusion and social white lies.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On self-diagnosing as “garbage”:
  “If everybody in your life says it's you, it's you.” — H. Foley (49:00)
• On party exclusion:
  “You're telling me it was a bunch of broads? A bunch of rich, hot young broads and I can't come hang out?” — H. Foley (43:26)
• On being unreliable:
  “Cat's sick. I started believing there wasn't even a cat at one point.” — Kevin Ryan (35:00)
• On leaving a double date early:
  “You left me, your wife and my wife at Nobu… At Nobu! I pick up the fucking check.” — Kevin Ryan (54:25)
• On social etiquette:
  “Be prompt. Inform the host as soon as you know you cannot make it. Adjust plans—72 hours, I think, even day of.” — Kevin Ryan (66:22)

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Key Timestamps

• [03:01] – Foley reveals his new DSW boots
• [11:00] – Kevin praises “grown-up” effort
• [24:09] – Transition to canceling plans as the main topic
• [26:20] – On the freedom of Covid/post-Covid excuses
• [31:42] – Using kids as the ultimate get-out-of-jail card
• [33:17] – How frequent cancellation erodes sympathy
• [41:12] – Luke’s rescinded party invite ("hot broad" segment)
• [54:25] – Kevin calls out Foley for bailing mid-dinner
• [66:22] – Practical tips for canceling without being trash
• [67:20] – Foley’s legendary two-call sick day scheme

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Flow, Tone, and Takeaway

This episode is classic “Are You Garbage?”: affectionate, irreverent, self-deprecating, and painfully real about the anxieties and strategems of adult social life. From convoluted white lies to the shifting landscape of post-pandemic etiquette, Foley and Ryan roast each other (and themselves) for being unreliable, but also confess the emotional undercurrent—friendship, guilt, and the deep-seated desire to just stay home.

Fans of the show will find much to laugh at, cringe over, and—if they're honest—recognize in their own lives. This is garbage at its most relatable.

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Bottom Line:
Canceling plans is a universal form of garbage, with a rich arsenal of excuses, a clear etiquette system, and some bruised egos along the way. But if you can't laugh about it, you're not doing it right.

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Transcript

[Kevin Ryan]

What's up, everybody? Hope you guys had a happy fourth of July. The boys got jammed the f up this week and were unable to record an episode. But don't worry, we have a Patreon episode on deck for you. I hope you guys like it and we'll see you later this week. Thanks for the support. We love you.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or. Or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is Ru.

[Kevin Ryan]

Garbage Trav. Hit me.

[H. Foley]

It's that little show we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find out the group to be classy. Yeah, they're just a big old piece of trash. I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Toady's in a new edition, but I gotta tell you, folks that wise, that can be. Well, I can't really get up there right now, homies.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you think you can sing? I'm the true homie. I'm the true triple threat around here.

[H. Foley]

I'm an alto, dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

All three arteries partially clogged.

[H. Foley]

I'm a tenor. I'm sorry, not an alto.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a three at best. An Albuquerque too, if you ask me.

[H. Foley]

How you done hit me with a tenor, mate. Gang, we're here for a little bonus episode on the old Patreon 8. My coast is coming at you from across the table when he's not Kevin Ryan, everybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big dogs throwing heat today.

[H. Foley]

I was going to make fun of you, but I decided not to start off on the same footing.

[Kevin Ryan]

I like that.

[H. Foley]

Other than the abuse that I took in our pre production meeting this morning, there was not due to my new boots and my weight problem. Certain you think that.

[Kevin Ryan]

First of all, that was I. Listen, you're rolling.

[H. Foley]

You got a lot to say.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're rolling over and playing turkey chicken already.

[H. Foley]

Today's a year psycho babble over.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not psycho babble.

[H. Foley]

Yes, it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, we're.

[H. Foley]

Now you're always trying to put me on the couch.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm not at all. I'm saying this. My legs wrapped up pretzel style. You introduced all these people. The first. The first introduction to me is that I've been being mean to you. That's what you just did to fucking 20,000 people. Kevin was being mean to me, which I was not. Bugman shout out to which I respect what was the joke? The insult?

[H. Foley]

I was gonna call you Captain Dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

What a kill baby. What are we talking about? That's what pays the bills around.

[H. Foley]

I was working after about four hours yesterday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Captain Jerkel.

[H. Foley]

Captain Asshole.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh shit.

[H. Foley]

Nothing was clicking. But then as I was buying my new boots yesterday.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, these new boots.

[H. Foley]

New boots. You got a boot cam? Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we do. Don't we have an ankle cam?

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not on this. That's on. That's on the. Oh, okay. Hit him with the ankle cam.

[H. Foley]

Go ahead. Take a look at him. Look at him. Nice new boots. $89 DSW. Genuine leather. Folks can smell it from here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can smell the blood from the blisters. Already them dogs are a barking.

[Luke]

Oh boy.

[H. Foley]

A little break in period.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like a sheep dog down here.

[H. Foley]

God damn.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to the motherfucking homies, baby. The lifeblood of the organization. Goddamn boots on the ground to sleep themselves. The Undercover Brothers and MC Soul Sisters. Fucking love you gang. Truly. You know, this is a. All the stuff we've accomplished and we do to. To the fact that the fucking Patreon is still hitting new highs every month is fucking.

[H. Foley]

It's not slowing down.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not. It's crazy. It's like new highs every month, year over month over month, year over year is fucking crazy. We fucking love you. Appreciate that you guys are. Are diggin. Picking up what we're putting down.

[H. Foley]

This is really where it is. This is home here. Of course behind on the page.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is it.

[H. Foley]

Everybody else out there, whatever bozos. Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk to this guy, that guy. Shut up. Yeah, I was talking about you.

[H. Foley]

What? We'll be doing this from an underground bunker after the terminators come.

[Kevin Ryan]

If you're listening to this, I have all new boots.

[H. Foley]

I mentioned my new boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't run.

[H. Foley]

That would suck.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

There was a natural disaster or something. Now I just got my new boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Snow everywhere wild to wear new boots.

[H. Foley]

That's the whole point.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those aren't. Those aren't snow boots, idiot. Don't first of all call me.

[H. Foley]

I'm not wearing duck boots. Like I'm fucking going out on the chalet.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little bit of galoshes.

[H. Foley]

I mean they're not my winter boots. I'm letting them get dirty.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not saying you're not going to let them get dirty. But those I'm going to let them

[H. Foley]

get,

[Kevin Ryan]

believe you me. Yeah, that's. That's more of like a dress boot I would say.

[H. Foley]

See that's just because they're brand new. When they get weathered in, they're going to.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. When you're ruining them, they're going to be more ruined.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Respect the logic. Well, when I ruin them, sure.

[H. Foley]

I looked at like, I looked like gaffer boots, you know, like, you know, like the. That, like the guys in the, like the camera department usually like Tim's. No, no, like the rock climbing boots. Yeah, those rock climbing blues.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are them?

[H. Foley]

I know, but the cool dudes wear them. Cool dudes wear them.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just.

[H. Foley]

Guys that know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just named gaffers.

[H. Foley]

Guys that were gaffers are cool. They're the real.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would. I'm not saying. Listen, okay. I'm not saying they're not cool gaffers. I'm just saying no one goes, I want to be cool. Like a gaffer. Race car driver instruction worker.

[H. Foley]

Gaffers, grips, camera guys. Those guys are, you know, hey, listen,

[Kevin Ryan]

that's giving your Oscar speech.

[H. Foley]

Those guys are the. Those guys are the cook. The line cooks of. Everybody gets that of, of the set life. Like, you know, like, like the line cooks. They. They always scored with the, with the waitresses. The waitress is never hooked up with the waiters.

[Kevin Ryan]

So are the actresses the waitress. I don't think there's a lot of actresses dating the gaffers.

[H. Foley]

Fucking Julia Roberts married.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, no one's saying you're the. Listen, I'm not. I'm just saying I think the rule

[H. Foley]

of thumb on the point is I get no tail.

[Kevin Ryan]

The rule of thumb on a movie set is I don't think the gaffers are swimming in gush.

[H. Foley]

Well, I was going to buy a pair. Swimming in gush.

[Luke]

Ew.

[H. Foley]

Super Bowl Sunday. You talk like that, you stink. Get your bets in, folks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's bet. If those boots ever come off, let's see if we ever. I got 20 says we never see them things again.

[H. Foley]

It's a two man job to get them on.

[Kevin Ryan]

It really is. Why did you lie to me outside?

[H. Foley]

Because you suck. Like your face fucking tell you what's up. Yeah, I'm going to give you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that's just a conversation.

[H. Foley]

Why did you ask me?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you go. They're actually very easy to get on in that kind of tune.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Three, four guys.

[Kevin Ryan]

Very boomerang system.

[H. Foley]

I think I need the gaffer for.

[Luke]

Julia Roberts did not marry a gaffer. He was a cinematographer.

[H. Foley]

It's same thing. Camera guy, working guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

What about Julia? Louis Dreyfus. What does that bozo do? Sit around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, a real cool guy. Pussy.

[H. Foley]

What does he do Julie? Louis Dreyfus, husband.

[Luke]

Brad Hall.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, he's an actor, I think.

[Luke]

Actor and comedian.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get him on a show. You check out my new boots.

[H. Foley]

That happens a lot, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Where did you get the boots? Can I get a right answer out of it? Because you've been lying. Not lying, you've been squirrely on the. On the real information.

[H. Foley]

They're Louboutin. It's a new designer. Yeah? Tell me Louboutin's not a real designer.

[Kevin Ryan]

We know.

[H. Foley]

Will Smith's kid just did a show with them. France. That's where I got him. I went over there, hung out with him. Mom's a bit of a bitch, to

[Kevin Ryan]

be honest with you.

[H. Foley]

Makes a hell of a cup of hot chocolate, though. Nothing on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Louboutin.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

What am I, nuts? I'm also a. You know, I got them at DSW.

[H. Foley]

They were $89, and I got a belt that doesn't fit, but I had already taken the thing off, so I couldn't return it. And I tried to put it on in the store and the security guy came over and said, hey, man, what are you doing,

[Luke]

huh?

[H. Foley]

Said, I'm minding my own.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm cruising.

[H. Foley]

And I wore the boots out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh. What'd you do with the other shoes?

[H. Foley]

I dared. I had to bring them home. They're my only sneakers.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

They're the ones you don't like.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're not the ones I don't like.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, you don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't.

[H. Foley]

You don't like them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why you gotta get a good pair of shoes?

[H. Foley]

I don't know, man. Cause I suck.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but you.

[H. Foley]

What does that mean? What's a good pair of boots?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not those. Those are not. Listen, they're nice boots.

[H. Foley]

They're nice boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

I might get a nice pair of, like, Timberlands or Carhartts because I'm not there yet, man. I don't understand what they are mean.

[H. Foley]

I'm going down. Once I get. Trust me, you'll know.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you used to have a nice pair of black boots. Remember? You used to wear the tongue flat down. Yeah, you're Adam Sandler.

[H. Foley]

Basketball.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a pretty good look for you. I gotta give that to you.

[H. Foley]

What? Really? Nuh. Yeah, Big Jay wears them like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

But he wears, like style.

[Kevin Ryan]

He. His are like from a 90s rap video. Yeah, he's got like, the red checkered one.

[H. Foley]

You always made fun of those Timberlands because they fold it down.

[Kevin Ryan]

I need something to do to pass the time we were tanking, had some

[H. Foley]

lollipops or something, some hard candy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Learn how to do a sudoku. Get off my back. Those folded all the way down.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they folded, those turned.

[Kevin Ryan]

Those turned into like athletic boots. Like them play. You can run tracking and things.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't. You know, I saw these. I like these. I like Luke's boots, but I don't want to get the same ones.

[Luke]

Are these the aver Lexington boot?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Luke]

All right.

[H. Foley]

They're like Charlie and Haley or something like that. They're called all right, some

[Kevin Ryan]

you shouldn't be buying, you don't know the name of.

[Luke]

Why?

[Kevin Ryan]

Because they're not. That means it's not good, right?

[H. Foley]

How do you know?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Nikes. I don't know if you heard of them, but they throw out a pretty good product. Tried and true tested.

[H. Foley]

I like them. I like to try new brands. Small business.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that how you're spinning small businesses?

[H. Foley]

Dsw no, but the earlier you told

[Kevin Ryan]

us you got them in a place called Leathers.

[H. Foley]

No, I went there after.

[Kevin Ryan]

Show off my boot. Show off my new boot. You guys got a pair of Christine and Charlie's? No.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. They hurt real bad, the boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my God.

[H. Foley]

It's like the Bataan death march. I'm dying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I'm happy. I'm happy you are.

[H. Foley]

I take them off, but I would need some assistance. Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm happy. I think. I think. I think it is a very nice professional, grown up look for you.

[H. Foley]

I'm trying to take a little bit better, you know, care of myself.

[Luke]

For sure.

[H. Foley]

Obviously. Great swing, you know, losing weight. Want to get there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just. And I'm not by no means criticizing. I just go, you're spending 100 bucks on boots. You claim they're not super comfortable. And I don't think I would say not super functional for the weather.

[H. Foley]

I disagree with that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You would, but you're wrong. They're dress boots and there's fucking a foot of snow outside. So I would say they're not the best functional option.

[H. Foley]

Well, I'm wearing them. I'm getting them all scuffed up and trash them a little bit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, you don't have to do that. You can go buy a pair of boots that you can wear outside and those can be your nice boots that you wear to dinner or to a show or to whatever.

[H. Foley]

Am I going dinner in a show?

[Kevin Ryan]

You are a performer.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you mean one of my shows?

[Kevin Ryan]

Anything. Okay, one of your shows.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I know what you meant.

[Kevin Ryan]

All Right.

[H. Foley]

You said. You said a show. Like I was going to see Broadway

[Kevin Ryan]

or like you could also do that

[H. Foley]

show at Lincoln Center, La Boheme.

[Kevin Ryan]

You live in New York. You could do that. I'm just saying you can only go with me. Sure. You've. Listen, I've asked you to do a lot of things. You don't come. You've never asked me to do anything. Yeah. You said, can we go out to dinner? I said, yeah. Then you said, no, I don't want to. So then we decided to go out to dinner and you got jealous.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to go to Ruby Rosa. I don't want to celebrate my birthday this year. I want to think about it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay? Totally well adjusted, normal way to act.

[H. Foley]

But if you made plans with me, I would probably. No way.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay?

[H. Foley]

I would probably cancel. Which is what we're talking about on today's episode. How to get out of plans with your friends.

[Kevin Ryan]

You wanna. I had celebrate to celebrate your 50th birthday. Just do something nice for you.

[H. Foley]

That ain't a celebration. Goddamn death march death rattle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jesus Christ. It's all perspective, baby. You gotta change the lens.

[H. Foley]

I know, man. I'm kidding. I feel great.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not.

[H. Foley]

You just. I feel great. I feel absolutely fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

How your toes feeling right now?

[Luke]

Dying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everything from the ankles up.

[H. Foley]

My right pinky toe has caught a ledge in the faux leather and it is rubbing.

[Kevin Ryan]

There was a. There was a period of time where I was wearing my mom's boots as a kid.

[Luke]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

They were waterproof. She had like a pair of like girls. They weren't Timberlands. They were like knockoff Timberland. They were like. I felt like they were like hard

[H. Foley]

plastic and have like the fur around the top.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, but they didn't have like the cool black leather band. You know what I mean? They were. They were a little foofy as my

[H. Foley]

dad called pair of Charlie's.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I was looking like the big dog dancing look like Travolta and M. Jones.

[H. Foley]

Did you find that brand? Charlie and Haley or something?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, they ain't got a website.

[Luke]

Yeah, I really think it's the. The aver Lexington boot. It's the only zip up boot I could find on dsw Now.

[H. Foley]

They have plenty in stock. What's. What's the name? What's the manufacturer?

[Luke]

Ave. Am I gonna be able to

[Kevin Ryan]

get a.

[Luke]

Oh my God.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's no markings. You're like a serial killer. And listen, they are not out. They are not snow boots. Dude, those things. Those things are like floors.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Melted the treads off all the.

[Kevin Ryan]

The salt's eating away the solar. Them things. That's great. You're gonna break it.

[H. Foley]

No, don't say that. They got grip on them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not a lot.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they do. No, they.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm telling you, they don't.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna run a hot comb over them. Get some. Get some. Get these retreaded.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're taking souls from other shoes. Like, I tracked their trailer.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm gonna need, though?

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that? Ball.

[H. Foley]

I'm gonna need to go pay a little visit to the doctor. Dr. Scholl, get a couple inserts put in there. Whoa. I need some foam support.

[Luke]

Dog.

[H. Foley]

These things are flat.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're too big to be wearing not good shoes. I'm too big to be wearing not good shoes.

[H. Foley]

And you know, it's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

We're on our feet too much. We travel too much. We're running around. Ubers, airplanes, all this shit you need. That's the one thing you should. That's. I know.

[H. Foley]

I haven't walked like this in so long. Because they're. Because they go up high. So, like, it's a whole new set of muscles.

[Kevin Ryan]

More of a waddle.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It's like when you go skiing for the first time in a long time. You haven't used those muscles in a long time. Yeah, my meniscus is killing me. Which was what it said on the box. So. Warning.

[Kevin Ryan]

We'll fuck up. We'll fuck your shit up, jam you up.

[H. Foley]

Bad cartilage boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bad planters, warts, gangsters, whatever you.

[H. Foley]

Hey, I saw a video about planters, warts. Man, that. Things are brutal.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's.

[H. Foley]

Or no plantar fasciitis.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's that?

[H. Foley]

It's like when something stretches out on your heel or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's bad plantar fash.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would get, for the longest time the tendon that runs like on the bottom of your foot. Ooh, that would fucking. Dude, that would. That was like something was. It was inflamed or something. And I had to freeze water bottles and like that. Like the solution. Oh. To roll. And roll it on there.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

My mom has the same thing. She uses like a racquetball or something.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it was on her dogs for a long time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Short working.

[H. Foley]

She probably. Shoes. Yeah, Always nursing shoes and scrubs.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nursing shoes? Yeah, that's what she wore.

[H. Foley]

She ever wear scrubs now, like around the house. I don't know. People keep those. She's painting or something. I don't think doing yard work or Whatever. Gardening.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's like handling blood and urine and stuff. Was in her free time. Yeah, no, I don't think she has any of the scrubs anymore. She now dresses very much like she's got time on her hands and spends a lot of time at Kohl's.

[H. Foley]

Dresses like Tina fey from an SNL

[Kevin Ryan]

sketch with a hundred percent, 100%.

[H. Foley]

Will she throw on an Eagles sweatshirt?

[Kevin Ryan]

Not really.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Maybe Billy's. No.

[H. Foley]

She wear any of your. Of your stuff, like a temple sweatshirt or anything like that?

[Luke]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

She was never really proud of my accomplishments.

[Luke]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Rightfully so.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Five years to get out of college.

[H. Foley]

Go to college.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Where Danny go to college?

[Kevin Ryan]

Ryder and then Temple Ryder. Buck's.

[H. Foley]

Temple Ryder. Buck's Temple. Natural progress, similar train.

[Kevin Ryan]

But she's very much like she's got something. She's got the time to get like dressed now. Like when she leaves the house instead of like, sure. Managing kids and working and I'm just throwing on whatever. It's like she's. She's putting stuff on and it's like she's right off her coals.

[H. Foley]

She calls. She calls.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, coals.

[H. Foley]

Go with Kohl's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kohl's all day long at Kohl. Where'd you get a Kohl's? Get the President Kohl. Everything's Kohl's. Kohl's Coal. Always has been.

[H. Foley]

Campbell's. Get over to Bluechew.

[Kevin Ryan]

Blue Chew gang.

[H. Foley]

Do yourself a favor, get over to that Blue Chew and start taking the things you need to get back in the saddle, if you know what I mean. Listen, boudoir, I'm a goddamn 50 year old man. I'm sure I slimmed down a little bit. I'm working out a little bit more. But things slow down. The pumps aren't always working. You go over to Blue Chew, you get what you need, you get straightened out and you're back in the game.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit the thrusters if you catch my drift. Knock knock, boner town. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Next stop, Bonaville.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bluechew Gold is better sex in a tablet. They combine four ingredients into a powerful solution. Two ingredients to get you hard physically to support arousal and desire in the brain. I'm thinking horny. It works last, it works fast and last. Guys, have a complete experience in the bedroom. With Bluechew Gold. There's a real there. There's a reason Bluechew is the number one brand for better sex. Experience it [e-mail] and we got a special deal for AYG listeners right now, when you buy two months of Bluechew Gold, you get the third free with promo code garbage. That's promo code garbage. You will also receive an additional 10% plus free overnight shipping on your first order. Visit bluetooth.com for more details. Important safety Info we thank Bluetooth for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. Now back to the show.

[H. Foley]

Kevin Talk about Cash App Cash App if you aren't up to speed, gang, Cash App is not just the easy way and safe way to send and receive money. With the Cash App card, you can unlock a ton of perks without all the hidden fees. You can enjoy benefits like exclusive early access to nationwide concerts, presales, Kendrick Lamar, Sabrina Carver, to name a couple. Those two are pretty big stars, I'll tell you that right now. Plus, you got discounts on everyday purchases and popular brands you probably already spend money on. So why not save the money with the Cash App card? What the hell are you doing out there?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Cash App Green and free Overdraft coverage baby. Cash App does more than you think when it comes to having your back and making sure your money stays your money. Cash App just released a new status program for the way people spend called Cash App Green. Now, when you spend at least $500 a month with the Cash App card, you earn green status, which unlocks benefits like up to $200 free of overdraft coverage. Big.

[H. Foley]

Huge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big. If you overdraft unexpectedly, there are no hidden fees. You can unlock higher borrow limits, which is big for me. Custom personalized cash back offers every Friday at places you love to shop. Cash App can do more in ways that you think by making your money work for you. If you do direct deposit at least $300 in paychecks each month and use the Cash App card for purchases you can on your savings. No hidden fees. No minimum balance required. Cash App Doing a Lord's work? Don't let your money sit around and gather dust. Make it work for you. Take advantage of the interest saving on Cash App Today, new Cash App Customers can earn $10 if they use a CO if they use the code CASH APP10 in their profile. Let's sign up and send $5 to a friend within 14 days. Terms apply. Cash App as a financial service platform, not a bank Banking services provided by Cash App's bank Partners Prepaid debit cards issued by Sutton bank member FDIC Cash App Visa Debit Flex card issued by Sutton Bank, a Member FDIC and the Bancorp N.A. pursuant to a license from Visa USA Inc. See Terms and conditions for the Sutton prepaid card, the Sutton Debit flex card, and the Bancorp Debit flex card. Cash App Green feature savings, direct deposit roundups, overdraft coverage, and discounts provided by Cash App a Block Inc. Brand Visit Cash app LegalPodcast for full disclosures. Killed it. Boom.

[H. Foley]

Do it. I don't know if I mentioned this a couple weeks ago, but I was in a Kohl's maybe like a month or so ago. It's pop by that toy section. Not too bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can you look to see how Kohl's is doing? I feel they're probably doing better than most because they were a little bit more. But I don't want to say discount,

[H. Foley]

but stuck that Sephora in there is in the Kohl's. Oh, yeah?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, who's. Someone's in Target now. Ulta. What's the other one? Someone's in Target.

[H. Foley]

Ulta.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ulta Ultra.

[H. Foley]

I went to a. I went to a Korean beauty store yesterday. Okay, Like, Korean supplies, like, the stuff that they use. Ginseng, all that kind of shit. Stuff's hot right now. K Beauty, you know, I'm talking about.

[Luke]

I'm not familiar, but.

[H. Foley]

Oh, it's big.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll check out big.

[H. Foley]

A lot of collagen, vitamin C. That's big everywhere, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I just saw my wife, but they have the collagen peptides for skin, joints, hair, and, like, fingernails. I think she was doing it maybe during the pregnancy or after the pregnancy.

[H. Foley]

You know, what I started doing every morning is bacon, egg and cheese Western. Go with the boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Big man's hot today, gang.

[H. Foley]

Let me get some biscuits and gravy to go with these Larry's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know if it's the boots or what, but the guy is cooking.

[H. Foley]

I'm walking taller, I'll tell you that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll give you a little bit of pep in your step.

[H. Foley]

I'm telling you.

[Kevin Ryan]

A little bit of pep in your step. Your shoulders are high.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, the shoulders are high.

[Kevin Ryan]

Chin's high.

[H. Foley]

I haven't worn, like, boots like this in a long time.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it's great for. I. Listen, I'm pro.

[H. Foley]

I think I'm about to get some vengeance.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm pro boot Foley. Just, I think, you know, I think keep these boots great boots. Add an. Add another pair of boots. Be a boot guy.

[H. Foley]

Well, shout me out. So somebody give me a good boot.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, that's great.

[H. Foley]

Not Timberlands or fucking whatever, but like a good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, brunt, obviously, but not right now. But, you know, like, a man's.

[H. Foley]

Like a man's man's boot. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

I think it would look good in Luke's boots.

[H. Foley]

I'm not wearing those Williamsburg fluffies that he wears to brunch. What is pop collar?

[Luke]

He stole it from, like, a working man. We. We stole that culture. Those are a working man's boot. It's like Carhartt. It's like Williamsburg's guys wearing Carhartt. We're stealing that culture.

[H. Foley]

Not those, though. You. Nobody would wear suede boot. And I'm not. I mean, like, I work at a. That I'm working on a job site or anything like that. Everyone knows I'm a song and dance man.

[Kevin Ryan]

My goddamn performer. Check me out at the show.

[Luke]

Kohl's is experiencing a challenging period currently characterized by declining amen.

[Kevin Ryan]

Call up niece.

[H. Foley]

Been there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Fucking cold. Niecy sitting on a mountain of cold sketch about to fuck these dudes up. Q1's not gonna see her coming. Okay. All that aside, love the boots.

[H. Foley]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

We are talking canceling plans, a thing that a lot of us do specifically.

[H. Foley]

Getting out of plan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Getting out of stuff. Cancel.

[H. Foley]

And, you know, maybe a friend you don't really want to hang out, and this isn't directed at you. Friends you don't want to hang out with your, I don't know, girlfriend or wives or husband's friends that you got to go hang out with.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which I just did. Which I. Which I. I enjoyed.

[H. Foley]

You did.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was nice.

[H. Foley]

You didn't know the husband.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know the husband.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Know him.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, no, I know him. As you know.

[H. Foley]

But the ladies are friends. Yeah. Huh. How long was that set up?

[Kevin Ryan]

Maybe a month ago. Something like that. Hey, this Sunday.

[H. Foley]

Did the thought of bagging it ever cross your mind?

[Kevin Ryan]

Would you prefer.

[H. Foley]

Would you prefer not to go? Are you so gone that, like, you were.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's gone mean?

[H. Foley]

Just lost and.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that what you. Is that. Was that your take on me now? If I'm lost, what are you? Not found? There was. I was in. I was just very tom. Very tired, obviously exhausted. Mentally emotional, spiritually just exhausted. And, like, I. Would. I cancel. I liked them, and it was like, I was good to get out and do something. I've got to the point where I'm, like, laying around when I'm. I know that the answer is through the thing I don't want to do. If that makes sense.

[H. Foley]

Very good.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know what I mean? I know. I'm like.

[H. Foley]

That's a lot of growth, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

I know the. Isn't laying here eating three slices of Pizza complaining about how tired and exhausted I am. I got to get through, I got to break through.

[H. Foley]

Well it's not jump to conclusions depends on the zar.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I said that to my wife. I was like, you know she's like you would like to cancer right now. And I was like yeah, but I know that's not the that's not going to make me feel better.

[H. Foley]

Huh. You answered like that. I would have been like what the fuck does that mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, no, I know what you would have done.

[H. Foley]

Fucking lose it then start a fight then you got you're out. Ain't done.

[Kevin Ryan]

There you go.

[H. Foley]

I feel like I'm gonna excel at this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I Dude, this goes back to you think you're way better at this than you really at lying than you really are finding.

[H. Foley]

I'm not coming. See I'm out. I just hear the truth.

[Kevin Ryan]

I yeah but my thing would have been not I think not feeling well now post Covid is pretty wide open. Especially dude if there's another spike in like the norovirus something there's people are getting there's something going on.

[H. Foley]

Whenever something's going around, that's when the bug man yeah bug man.

[Luke]

I mean this Christmas time you can

[H. Foley]

get all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh well, you're not feeling well. My uncle got out on Christmas. This was a pretty good one because he was going on vacation the following in like a couple of days.

[H. Foley]

I can't just bought the tickets and

[Kevin Ryan]

when I can't risk getting sick.

[H. Foley]

Can't risk getting sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't want to get sick.

[H. Foley]

I want to get sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm just not doing it.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to get anybody else sick. All right, I'm sorry. You know, I do think I came all the way home so I could lay in mom's house all day. Is that what you really think? Huh? No, that's stupid.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your brother on the other line going, you think I want to come slay my childhood bed and not not answer

[H. Foley]

the phone and watch stars 48 hours and hang out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. Rub my fremulon?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You think I wanted to do that?

[H. Foley]

Does it help that Patty has like all the stuff that she's not bring it over in the fridge like the things like the cheese boards and all that stuff that she was preparing. All those staples are now in the

[Kevin Ryan]

fridge and they got a shelf life on them.

[H. Foley]

And they got a shelf life on them and she might be saving those for like another Christmas party she has on like the 27th and 28th and what's going to happen when she goes in there in the morning on the 28th to put that together and there's only half a block of cheese there.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's only figs left. She could have been.

[H. Foley]

We got the fucking apple slices. Bitching at me. You left me here all day by myself.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, your 50 year old son with no money.

[H. Foley]

You get the dog food ready, which

[Kevin Ryan]

was disgusting, by the way.

[H. Foley]

He does pretty well.

[Kevin Ryan]

You hit me with you. This was one dance move of yours that I didn't. I didn't see. You were canceling and events, you know, you were. You were canceling a spot. And you hit. You were like. You asked me. We were.

[H. Foley]

You asked me just recently.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I mean, let's be vague.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

Protect the innocent. It was.

[H. Foley]

Did I hit you with the. Hey, you going to this?

[Kevin Ryan]

I forgot.

[H. Foley]

I know exactly.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think we were traveling together. I think we were traveling and you had a spot. We were coming back on like say a Sunday and you had a spot Sunday night. And I was like.

[H. Foley]

Or did I

[Kevin Ryan]

never put in on nights before.

[H. Foley]

I'm the worst with that. I say yes to stuff that like in the moment, I'm like, you gotta go. You gotta go. And then that day I'm like, what are you out of your fucking mind?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, when you put yourself somewhere at that time and it's cold and you're like, this is all I. Yo. I also accept. I. I'm always a better version with any event, not spots with. With anything. I'm always the best version I've gotten. I'm always the best version of myself in two weeks. Hey, so and so wants to hang on Sunday. I'm in. Line it up. I'll drive to deep Brooklyn. Me too.

[Luke]

I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's Sunday afternoon.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. Do I have a fucking. Are we working every 5, 512 hour days that week? Sure. Lock it up.

[H. Foley]

And when that day comes, do I

[Kevin Ryan]

have spots every night that week? Sure, who cares?

[H. Foley]

It's like somebody else did it. Yeah, brutal. I had that happen to me yesterday.

[Luke]

Mm.

[H. Foley]

Because my cousin was in town and I made plans and I fucking. Hey. You looking forward to tomorrow?

[Kevin Ryan]

Fuck. Fuck. Is that why?

[Luke]

Is that why?

[Kevin Ryan]

And yeah, you were on the Upper west side.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's right. Yeah, I was all over that bitch. The city. Not like

[Kevin Ryan]

person I've gotten better at because we did that when we first started touring. A lot of the night before you leave and the night I return, I don't do spot. I don't even put In I go. We're leaving. If we're leaving Tuesday, I do not put in Monday because you're just. Just James. You up?

[H. Foley]

They push my flight back.

[Kevin Ryan]

You believe that that's what you did. They. My flight. It was on a weekend where one of those. I don't know if there was a storm or that they shut down the

[H. Foley]

terminal something exactly what you're talking.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you went flight, hey, I can't make it. They my. I'm all jammed up. My flights delayed and was like they had delayed a hundred chaos out there. Yeah. Delayed the whole eastern seaboard. And I wish you were at Motherfucker. That's a good one. They don't think it out as a really.

[H. Foley]

The whole system's down.

[Kevin Ryan]

Goddamn air traffic controller budget.

[H. Foley]

Fell asleep on a planet. Woke up in Cleveland. Be there soon.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was very. That was. That was a really good one by you.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Flight got pushed back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. I got the baby back.

[H. Foley]

I did another one recently coming back from upstate. I'm in gridlock traffic on the Taconic Parkway. I don't even know where that is, but I know it's bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know I don't want to go. I don't want to end up there on a Sunday afternoon. I'll tell you that much. Yeah, that's a good one. I now I have a pretty good out with the baby of. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You have a get out of jail free card with.

[Kevin Ryan]

And the good thing is anybody with kids a bajillion percent understands.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

They go of course. Yeah, of course. A nap, teething, whatever. I had to cancel a couple of spots on a nice, nice gentleman.

[H. Foley]

You say a baby's got a fever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Teething teeth. He's fucked. Bedtime's a nightmare.

[H. Foley]

Oh my.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was running late to something. I went buddy, my bad. Bedtime was a nightmare. He goes, don't even get me started.

[H. Foley]

I wish I could still get away with that stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't know I'm teething.

[H. Foley]

A set of wisdom's coming in. Never had him pulled.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yeah. That's really good. What?

[H. Foley]

That's pretty good. Yeah, the baby's great.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's great. And very understandable. The thing is.

[H. Foley]

But I never. Here's the thing. I never hold anybody accountable for that kind of stuff. Let's say super bowl parties going on. Okay. Family, friends, all that kind of stuff. Let's say I'm hosting it. Say you called me. Hey listen, I can even make it. All right. Yeah. I don't give a shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

But I find that When I do that, it's. I'm getting ridiculed. I'm getting my balls broke. I'm getting. I'm getting trash. You know, when. By, you know, other people, trusting. It's my brother and my one cousin.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get.

[H. Foley]

He didn't make it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. You're not gonna like this. I'm sorry. And you're gonna call me a dick. It is a.

[H. Foley]

Wait, wait. I call you dickhead first.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a lot. It's a very recurring behavior to this point where it's like at some worst summer ever, all that kind of stuff. It was relative. It's relatively expected that you're gonna try to get out of something.

[H. Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

So now people are going like, ah. When you do it, if you did it once a year, totally understandable. That's. Whatever. Shit happens. He's sick.

[H. Foley]

I didn't even think about it, though. Oh, yeah, that's right. I don't know. And Sheila's not here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. And Sheila doesn't cancel every. Every other event, man. And everything.

[H. Foley]

She say anything about my Aunt Sheila. I love you and Sheila.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. That's all I'm saying. That's why the people around you go, ah. Fucking. You get pushed back because you flew too close to the sun.

[H. Foley]

Speaking of which, could use those spinach balls again. You haven't made those in a long time. Aunt Shield, if you're watching.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's everywhere.

[H. Foley]

She does it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Miss an episode.

[H. Foley]

Man. I used to crush these things when I was a kid. It's like little cheese and spinach, little balls. And she'd bake them in the oven. Never knew what was in them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sounds like spinach and cheese.

[H. Foley]

Fantastic. Sure. A little bit of. Put them in a little bit of dill dip. Oh, you got a stew going. I'm with you on that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all I'm saying. I'm not. And it's not. Listen, I cancel a bunch of stuff, too. It's not. I'm just saying. I think that's why you get pushback from the ones closest to you who've been on the. The end of. You know. That's all.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I want no fight. Guns down.

[H. Foley]

Baby had a fever. I had a good run with the cat for a little while.

[Kevin Ryan]

So you think. Yeah. No one.

[H. Foley]

The cat was sick. Tonsils.

[Luke]

You get that maybe once a year. You used it for a whole summer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cat's sick. I started believing there wasn't even a cat at one point.

[H. Foley]

The whole summer. Doctors don't know what it is Flying

[Kevin Ryan]

in Specialist canceled their flight. You believe that?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. What do you got? What do you got there? What are the experts saying?

[Kevin Ryan]

Obviously some of the standards sickness which, you know, I think at this point people do respect. And also, here's another thing I wanted to talk about. We don't do shit. We don't plan stuff that people will cancel. So we're never to show up. What?

[H. Foley]

Just show up.

[Kevin Ryan]

But we're never in a thing.

[H. Foley]

We should do more stuff like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

We just tried. You just got out of dinner.

[H. Foley]

Not dinner. I'm sick of dinners. Hang out at the house.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go over, lay on my couch.

[H. Foley]

Play some card games or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay, man.

[H. Foley]

You know Monopoly.

[Luke]

Do you want to do that for your birthday? We all play poker or something here, huh? We play cards here.

[H. Foley]

Ah, that'd be fun.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guys, over here. Anytime.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Luke]

Fuck, the cat's gonna be sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

You cancel, I'm here. That's what you would do. I got balloons. You know,

[H. Foley]

I got the cat in a little cast. Blood is rotator cuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been captured by isis. You got a bag on your head. That was almost had to leave the house.

[H. Foley]

Kimmy. They got me jammed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll see you. I'll see you in 120 to 200 years now.

[H. Foley]

I don't want to be that guy anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

And I've been trying not to. I haven't really canceled a lot of stuff lately.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. I want to. I want to. I've never.

[H. Foley]

I'm sorry. Let me cut you. This isn't just cancellations.

[Luke]

What?

[H. Foley]

I know you. I know you have some. Some things there. This is about what to do when. When you don't want to go to begin with. When you haven't committed and you don't want to go.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, yeah. So I mean that. Sure. No, it's okay. But I got. I worked a double and got a pay back.

[H. Foley]

Kebbi, let's talk about quints.

[Kevin Ryan]

Quints.

[H. Foley]

Let's share about quints. Let's spread the word of quints, gang. Talking about 100% linen pants and shirts that are breathable. Talking about easy to throw on and the summer upgrade your rotation needs starting at just $34. Uncle Hank's losing a bit of weight.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Slipping back into things.

[Kevin Ryan]

Looking good.

[H. Foley]

Thinking about styling a little bit. I go to Quince, I get all straightened out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Home run. Yeah. Everything at quints is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. Listen, I've used it. I use it. They were nice enough to send us a little promo code. I said, you know what, let me get some eyes on this. I didn't really know much about them when they started and I said buddy, I got a pair of their trousers. That's all I wear. You see me on stage, it's Quince. You see me running around doing podcast. Quince. They got this pair of gray slack that slack gray like khaki something hybrid, lightweight, good material put together. Rugged. I wear them all the time. I bought four or five of them. Jones out the friggin door. I can't express enough. It's not just clothing. Quince has become a trusted favorite for everything from home to travel and everyday, et cetera. I even got Quinn sheets. Make sure your summer wardrobe is easier. Go to quince.com/garbage for free shipping on your order. 365 day returns. Very big now available in Canada as well. That's Quince Q U I n c e.com/garbage for free shipping. 365 day returns quince.com/garbage debt do it

[H. Foley]

Kim let's talk about that Chili Pad 2.0 by Sleep Chili Pad Are you the kind of person who's constantly flipping your pillow to the cool side of the pillow, only for it to last about 10 seconds? Or maybe you and your partner are in a nightly thermostat battle. One of you is freezing, the other one is overheating. Here's the truth. Great sleep isn't random. It's temperature. And cooler nights lead to better days. That's why Chilipad by Sleep Meat comes in all right. Temperature is one of the most single biggest levers you can pull to improve your sleep and the quality of deep sleep. And that matters because in deep sleep is when your body actually recovers, repairs and resets for the next day.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes, that's exactly why we want to tell you about Chilipad 2.0 by Sleep Me, the most advanced version yet of the bed cooling system built specifically for people who are tired of waking up hot and sweaty. Baby that's my worst friggin nightmare. Chilipad 2.0 actively cools or warms your bed using water. It's a thermostat for your bed, and water is the key here. Fans just moved hot air around. Chilipad uses actively chilled water to cool the bed, actually pulling heat away from your body like it's the difference between standing in front of a fan and jumping into a cold, chilly willy pool. And it works with your existing mattress. No new bed needed. Visit www.sleep megarbage to get up to $255 off your Chilipad 2.0 with the code GARBAGE. This special offer is available for RU Garbage listeners and only for a limited time. Order today with free shipping and try out for 30 days. You can return it for free if you don't like it. With their sleep trial one more time. Visit www.sleep s l e e p.me garbage. Never wake up hot and tired again. Yeah, I think we don't understand. And this is, you know, we don't understand. The only things we plan are for work and this. And when people cancel, it's like. It's obviously part of the thing with, you know, comic schedules and stuff. It happens. We've had a cancer stuff, all that. All that stuff happens. But. So it's like. There's no personal. But I think when you're planning a party and people say they're coming and then don't. We don't really know. I haven't planned anything social in a long time to know how that really feels. You know what I mean? So it's like we think our canceling. Why can't you understand? And people are like. Not that they don't understand, but it's.

[H. Foley]

They don't believe you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think they believe you. But there's still an emotional investment on the person's side who's. Luke just tried to do this and everybody canceled on his party. Remember?

[Luke]

Canceled.

[Kevin Ryan]

They had to cancel.

[H. Foley]

The Flag still pulled through, but I know you didn't.

[Luke]

Yeah, we did.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, we've talked about this. Crazy. All his fucking bozo friends cancel. I'm still in. He tells me not to come.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't feel like that's it.

[H. Foley]

He tells me not to come, then still has the goddamn get together with close friends. I mean, is that crazy? Is that not crazy? Listen, it's funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're not.

[H. Foley]

Get away from something. You get some perspective. You really screwed me there. I was at a very vulnerable point in my life too. You know what I mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm on your side here a little bit.

[H. Foley]

He said there was some new people there that I could have met and build my network.

[Kevin Ryan]

Your network is your net worth.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Your net worth is your network.

[H. Foley]

Well, I'm tanking. I got a sick cat.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta start hanging out with other people than my sick cat. And Tommy Cassidy. I don't know why Tommy caught a stray.

[H. Foley]

He tends to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm on your side on that.

[H. Foley]

I talked to Tommy C. And a little guy this morning.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think. I think

[H. Foley]

that's fucked up.

[Kevin Ryan]

To rescind the invitation.

[H. Foley]

It's wild.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I can see. If he wasn't. I understand that the thing changed. Right? He's going, all right. It's no longer the bigger thing. It's going to be four or five people.

[H. Foley]

But I mean, let me ask you this.

[Kevin Ryan]

To rescind the invitation.

[H. Foley]

Let's.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's. It's crazy and I respect it.

[H. Foley]

Let's take a step.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

The chicken sandwiches. Into the vault, into the total trust

[Kevin Ryan]

tree for the new people who might not know. Chicken sandwiches. Chicken sandwiches. It lives and dies here. Don't fucking bring it up in a meet and greet. Don't be posting about it. This is chicken fucking sandwich.

[H. Foley]

You can be honest.

[Luke]

Of course.

[H. Foley]

It's not gonna get back to anybody. No, I'm not gonna hold any grudges or.

[Luke]

What I know is. Listen to.

[H. Foley]

I'm an old grudge.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was the real Kippy?

[H. Foley]

What was I pissed. What was the real deal behind that there. I know there was a conversation with your loved ones.

[Luke]

It was.

[H. Foley]

Be honest.

[Luke]

Not enough guys were coming. So there wasn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good ratio against me get my dick wet. You're telling me it was a bunch of broads? A bunch of rich, hot young broads and I can't come hang out?

[H. Foley]

What am I, a fucking leper?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you think? I'm stealing all the pussy? You jealous?

[H. Foley]

I didn't have the boots yet, so you were safe.

[Luke]

So we need.

[Kevin Ryan]

We needed.

[Luke]

There was one crucial. Glue Guy that was not gonna be there. That really was like.

[H. Foley]

Glue Guy. Yeah.

[Luke]

Have you met. You haven't met this other guy.

[H. Foley]

I'm Gorilla Glue. What are you talking about? You put me in the middle of the table. I got everybody laughing, the couples.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm there to help you tell them about your cat. That cat's real sick. I probably gotta get out of here.

[H. Foley]

Time. They're serving dessert.

[Luke]

I ran through about a thousand scenarios.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many people ended up going?

[Luke]

It was two other guy friends, six girlfriends, including me. And my.

[H. Foley]

I like these odds, eh, boys?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'll take those two little ladies on the left. You guys can fight over the rest.

[H. Foley]

You two ain't gay by any chance, are you?

[Kevin Ryan]

If you are, that's fine. Just keep your dick away from me.

[H. Foley]

If so, I want to be the. I'm gonna be an ace by the end of this thing, huh? I'll be teaching the Top Gun next week. And it wasn't even like that.

[Luke]

I was talking about myself from being hurt. If I'm being honest.

[H. Foley]

Be Hurt from who?

[Luke]

You.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Luke]

I. I started bragging.

[Kevin Ryan]

Girl falls in love with me, can't get her hands off me, and you gotta leave the show.

[H. Foley]

What are you talking about? What, that I wasn't gonna show?

[Luke]

Yeah. I'm bragging to my friends. I got a star, a Netflix star coming to my party. Star power.

[H. Foley]

Don't give me.

[Luke]

I've been hurt before.

[H. Foley]

I know you trash me to all your friends and family. Rightly so. I suck. Don't, don't. Don't try to butter me up or play to my. My affinity for celebrity. What did you say though?

[Kevin Ryan]

Do you think there's any truth to that? Where he was?

[Luke]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's got to be some. I would assume.

[H. Foley]

Hey, Trap, what are you talking about?

[Kevin Ryan]

We know you cancel on everything.

[H. Foley]

But he's known to trash me all the time.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

He doesn't respect me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Things can be true, huh? No, they can't. Not in my world. Everything's a lie.

[H. Foley]

My brain,

[Kevin Ryan]

My mind. You short circuits, your boots blow up.

[H. Foley]

It's not like anybody there is gonna give a shit.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dress like the.

[H. Foley]

You probably don't want me breaking your couch or pooping in there or something. We went over this. Huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

You gotta go, you gotta go.

[Luke]

Seating is all fragile and low.

[H. Foley]

See, let's be honest. He didn't want me there.

[Luke]

I wanted you there.

[H. Foley]

Stopped.

[Luke]

Yeah. One of the girls there is a big fan of your appearance and set it up. Which I've told you about before.

[Kevin Ryan]

Had insult injury. You show up dressed as the delivery guy. What's up? They let me keep the. They let me keep the vest in the hat. Sure. I put on a little bit of weight.

[H. Foley]

I got Glen Powell in a headlock with me. Hey. What are you talking about? Wasn't even like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Some friends. Anyway, I didn't mean to go on that big sidebar. About that. So that's covered ground. But you think, you know, you get away from it and we can have an honest conversation about it. I guess not.

[Kevin Ryan]

I guess you're gonna continue to lie to me.

[H. Foley]

But I didn't know there was only two dudes and six broads.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Not that that matters, but it don't hurt. I rent a Ferrari.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got the keys, you're swinging. You got driving gloves on.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's double parked out front.

[H. Foley]

This place is kind of lame. You girls want to get. I got to pick my cat up anyway. Whatever. So let's talk business.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Huh? The standards, obviously. The sickness card, prior commitments. Oh, but then the prior commitment is what Hey, I totally forgot. I got that. Like, the prior commitment is something to get out of. Like, to decline. Hey, I can't. It's my mom's birthday. I can't. It's my anniversary. Whatever. You know, Work, school obligations, mention having to work late and early morning. Hey, things just shifted around. I gotta be into work at 7am I can't make.

[H. Foley]

But some of those don't work in my fucked up family and friends.

[Luke]

I use work a lot.

[H. Foley]

So what? You got to get out. Big deal. Just come for a couple hours and hang out. I never do that to anybody again.

[Kevin Ryan]

But no one's canceled on you. That's what I would say.

[H. Foley]

But like, I. Like if it was like my. It was like a family party and someone was like, I can't, I gotta work early. Oh, come on. I never put the screws to anybody the way they put screws to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't.

[H. Foley]

I'm really the good guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

If everybody's breaking my balls all the time. Everybody's being a to me. You believe that? Every guy I've ever met is a jerk off to me.

[H. Foley]

Oh, man, you're. I've been hit with that more than what, Covid? What? I got a lot. If everybody in your life says it's you, it's you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, my mom used to hit me with that.

[H. Foley]

All I get that five times a week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well,

[H. Foley]

two and a half of that's

[Kevin Ryan]

from you, rightfully so. I hit you with it yesterday.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

First of all, you called us all jerk offs and all I said was, do you think if the three guys in the room are all jerk offs, maybe it's.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Something you're put. I'm not even saying it's all your fault. No, something you're putting into. You're putting into the fucking. You're putting into the stew, baby. Also, between the four of us, everybody has their ingredients. You get a jerk off stew going, baby.

[H. Foley]

It's true. I get why you don't. Did you really not invite me because you didn't want to talk me up and then not have me show up?

[Luke]

There were a hundred factors into why, and it was honestly because everyone fell through. And then the party really came together last minute. Like the day before it came together last minute.

[H. Foley]

He was lying. Anybody ask about me?

[Luke]

I assumed you had other social obligations.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Luke]

Friday night.

[H. Foley]

I wouldn't be able to make it anyway.

[Kevin Ryan]

And multiple parties I had to attend.

[H. Foley]

I was hanging out at a pet store that night.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, my cat's sick.

[H. Foley]

I was thinking about getting A beta fish.

[Kevin Ryan]

The jerk off a fish. Even your. Even your fish is a dickhead bothering other fish. That's what that. That is. You're a fucking. You're a.

[Luke]

Hey.

[H. Foley]

You can't put him in a tank with other fish. It'll annoy the shit out of them. I thought they eat each other and that one just fucking chews their ear off.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is a lot of stupid fucking questions that he knows the answers to. Don't invite that fish to a party. You're gonna count on him. He's not gonna show.

[H. Foley]

He owes the parakeets a lot of money.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, that's very funny. Very funny. I had to do this yesterday. A little inside baseball. I got offered a spot on a show, right? I said yes. And then this was. Whatever, I guess, two weeks. Whatever. Two weeks ago, I guess the blizzard, like when the snow was hitting and I was getting out of Dodge, so I was.

[H. Foley]

I just realized I have two spots on Wednesday.

[Kevin Ryan]

I went, hey, I can't. Hey, man, things change. I can't make it.

[H. Foley]

Well, hold on a second.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was supposed to be for that Saturday night.

[H. Foley]

Right, Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Which.

[H. Foley]

The blizzard didn't happen until Sunday.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but that was still up in the air. Was supposed to be set. It's supposed to be hitting Saturday night, baby.

[H. Foley]

Talking to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I mean, I would have been out on Wednesday.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is on.

[H. Foley]

I gotta get to the grocery store.

[Kevin Ryan]

One, I was leaving town. Two, even if it was in the city, I probably would have been like, hey, man, everybody was canceling shows that Saturday. Like, most. A lot of clubs are going like, hey, we're, you know, whatever. This is. Cancel. This canceled. And. And I got in the spot very early on. Or like, not early on. Like, let's say I got it Tuesday or Wednesday. The spot. This is now, like, Friday. I'm like, hey, man, that's practically day of what they are getting it or day of show. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you just hit me with this.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm out. I won. I was. They. They didn't, like, advertise anything, so, like, I'm not even, like, really pot committed at this point.

[H. Foley]

You think that that makes you committed when they. When they. When. When they throw you up on the flyer?

[Kevin Ryan]

If I share it.

[H. Foley]

Yeah,

[Kevin Ryan]

sure.

[H. Foley]

You don't let anybody down. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, it's just. I mean, that has happened specifically to you. Gotten some blowback. The only reason we went to this show is because you and Foley were on it.

[H. Foley]

That's sick.

[Kevin Ryan]

Subjects, lineup subject to change based on the big man's cat and other factors. So I was just like, hey man, with the storm, things have changed. I'm not gonna make it. But would love. You know why he hit me up on Tuesday was like, hey man, we'd love to have you. Can you do this Saturday? I said I'm in. Always looking to do spots.

[H. Foley]

Of course.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then I cancel. I go. But I'm available next weekend.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

At that opportunity. Came and went.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Spots at that location. Which I get. It happened.

[H. Foley]

Oh I think I know what you're talking about. On the west side of town, I guess. Downtown, east side, Harlem. I'm out everywhere. Little place in soho.

[Kevin Ryan]

Staten Island.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I'm not a J.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's very funny. So yeah, that was. I. I just. You know there's. There's also a. One of your. When it comes to canceling plans with. This is relatively business plans. A little bit spots and stuff.

[H. Foley]

Of course. Now I understand. Like let's say you have dinner plans with another couple.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Which that's only ever happened once in my life and it was with you.

[Kevin Ryan]

With me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

What we had dinner plan where we had. The four of us went out.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And you left midway through to go to a spot. That's crazy. I forgot about that.

[H. Foley]

I did.

[Luke]

Yes.

[Kevin Ryan]

100 were you there?

[Luke]

We talked about it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You left me, your wife and my wife at Nobu.

[Luke]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

At Nobu. I pick up the fucking check. Do you really disappear? You disappeared with the fucking Fuck.

[H. Foley]

Going to the bathroom.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a spot.

[H. Foley]

You're not even a comedian. I got a shift downtown. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did I? Crazy, huh? Crazy.

[H. Foley]

I don't even remember that because you're.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man, you stink. I remember going, don't take any spots. And then you do the thing where I think you took it. You didn't want to tell me. And then like an hour before you're like, I picked up a 10 o' clock or whatever.

[H. Foley]

Is it the seller?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

I really don't enjoy your company. Do I?

[Kevin Ryan]

A bar show in the Lower east side.

[H. Foley]

Don't give her too many shrimp. She's allergic.

[Kevin Ryan]

Karma Lounge.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't remember leaving? No. You left and came back.

[H. Foley]

Huh. Couldn't have been drug seeking behavior. No, I had a spot.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you went. Yeah, you went on. You had a spot at 4th Street, I think.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Anywho. But yeah.

[H. Foley]

Back in five minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wonder why we didn't have another

[H. Foley]

one quick spot, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

I only did one couple's date and I left midway through. And left. Left the other guy there to. To talk to the two women. But some pick up the check.

[H. Foley]

Something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

No wonder why.

[H. Foley]

Trying to set you up.

[Kevin Ryan]

No wonder why I didn't. Hey, let's do that again. I got in the car, going, trying

[H. Foley]

to set you up for a minaj trois. That's how you thank me, dickhead.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get in the car, look at my wife. I go, she was nice. Him, not so much. I don't think I'm gonna do that again.

[H. Foley]

I understand if, like, say if you. If you have plans like another. Like. Like if you're real people and you have plans, like another couple. You know what I mean? Like, that's fucked up. You know, I think when it gets closer, yeah. If they get a sitter, they get dressed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Three days out.

[H. Foley]

Three days.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think three days out. You can get out of anything socially to me, like, with no whatever. Hey. If my wife has to go, hey. And I always tell her, I go, if whatever, just not. I go, just fucking. I'll be the fucking bad guy in every situation. I don't care. Tell her. I fucking tell him, I hate you. Tell them, I fucking left. I ran away. I don't fucking care what you. I don't care. I tell him, I got to work. I picked up a spot, I got. I'm on tour, I found something. I don't care. But three days out, I feel socially, I mean, while that person might be upset about. I was really looking forward to it,

[H. Foley]

and sometimes they get really upset.

[Kevin Ryan]

I get. I mean, yeah, you know, it's 72 hours.

[Luke]

Gives you plenty of time to pivot, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yes. It's like, well, we did have a sitter lined up, so maybe. Well, let's see if Foley and whoever want to go, you can find it back. I can't. Got a whole thing going on with the cat. You fight, you can find another couple or go, you know, you can pivot. I think 72 hours is. Nobody should be. Hold a grudge of any kind.

[H. Foley]

Well, I'm glad you brought this up now. Back in my day when I was banging those babysitters, they were coming no matter what. I don't ever remember a time in the 80s and a little bit of the 90s where the babysitter fell through or somebody else had to come. Nothing but these babysitters today.

[Luke]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

They're always debate, like. And like, I remember my cousins acting like they were trying to find a brain surgeon. I'm like, get some fucking high school kid. Just sit and watch. The kids are 11 and 9 or whatever they were.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, That's a little fucking different, I think. Yeah, I. Listen, I know.

[H. Foley]

You know what I'm saying, These babysitters, they flake out on you.

[Kevin Ryan]

They do. I think they're tough within the few times we've had.

[H. Foley]

What are you dropping on a babysitter too, by the way? Hunter, let's say you're going to dinner.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay. I think the going. I would say the going rate in New York's probably 30 bucks an hour.

[H. Foley]

You're talking cash, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Cash. Venmo.

[H. Foley]

Venmo. So let's say three hours. That's 90. Little grease.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't.

[H. Foley]

Doing 100, I hope.

[Kevin Ryan]

The one time we did it, when we did, when we did the Met show in Philly, we, we brought somebody. I was like, I don't know what that night's gonna look like.

[H. Foley]

That's a little different.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I paid them, I gave them a flat ride rate of like, hey, you know, it's going to be at least that. It's going to be no more than this. 200, I think two or 300 I gave them. Well, that was also a big commute. There was a snowstorm. It was, that was, that was a

[H. Foley]

night though, what you fed her.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that was a night long obligation and travel and stuff like that. But we have someone that helps out in. Which is why we had to change the plans today. We have someone that helps out in New York.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, that's why I thought of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, she gets 30 an hour, but she's a little. Google what the going rate in New York is. If I think she's a little like

[H. Foley]

a high school kid. Give her 150 bucks on a Friday.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know you, but I don't think you want like.

[H. Foley]

I don't.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean we have a seven month old. It's like high school kids don't have a lot of. Unless they have a lot of experience with a seven month old. A high school kid can watch a six, five, six year old. I, I'm learning that.

[H. Foley]

Throwing a pizza, watch a movie.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it's like. But if you have a, you know, a teething baby, a 17 year old might not know how to. Might not have the experience.

[H. Foley]

We did that all the time. Whenever, like one of our like girlfriends were babysitting in high school, we always ended up over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's all changed. Nanny cams. Oh yeah. Gpi. Every. All that.

[H. Foley]

We've been there. Rooting through the fridge, hanging out. No, that they come home and they chase it through the yards.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, I remember we had babysitters bring. Dude, I told you that guy threw me down the stairs.

[Luke]

Rat.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try that now, huh?

[H. Foley]

With my king size, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was. I was the king of getting. Of running my mouth one second too far. Whoever I was with would typically run in their mouth. Danny. Danny was running his mouth. And I went like, yeah, pussy or whatever. I would always get hit. I'm like, I was tagging it. You know what I mean? I was always tagging the punchline and get suckered,

[Luke]

man.

[H. Foley]

The idea you fall down the stairs.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was young too. I was real young. I was really young.

[H. Foley]

Probably did a number on the drywall, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's probably like six years. And I'm come from such a up family. That wasn't that crazy.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, I got up. I'm like, your problem. You know what I mean? Like, oh my God. Now we gotta. Now we gotta fight on our hands. Crack my neck.

[H. Foley]

Put that pizza in the microwave. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was one of those things where I'm like, I might. I remember being like, I don't even think mom needs to know about this. Like, you know, let's just. It's gonna be a bigger headache for everybody. Let's sweep this under the rug. Keep it moving. Everybody makes mistakes. Everybody beats children.

[H. Foley]

Go up and shake hands with the guy. Listen, everybody said some things that didn't mean.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't think you had a balls to do it. I respect you. Yeah. You're a real one, dude. You know that you're willing to push a six year old down the stairs.

[H. Foley]

There's so many people that I've gotten into fights with. Where. And even got my ass beat. Where we were like better friends after. It's crazy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I always respect the. Especially like in high school, the kids fight and then like a handshake afterwards. Yeah. In the street or something. Not listen, fight. You shouldn't be fighting stupid. Yeah, but I always. I understand that. It's like, you know, I think that's two people who are going, I'm. I wanna fight. This is how I want to do this. I want to get this out. And they're both agreeing to do it. It kind of seems. And they go, okay, we did that.

[H. Foley]

And I've told this before. Brian Tomer beat my ass street hockey game. Because I checked some smaller kid into the fence. Beat the fuck out of me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Good. Yeah. Lesson. Lesson learned.

[H. Foley]

Gave me a nice handshake. We worked together.

[Kevin Ryan]

Thanks for kicking my age. Your lips all. Lips all fat. Thank you. Sure. He was like, get the. Away. You're Getting blood on my skates.

[H. Foley]

I really had that coming, didn't I?

[Kevin Ryan]

That was close. I almost handed it all up. Yeah. Lucky I caught out. When he draw here, you're on the stretcher giving the thumbs up.

[H. Foley]

Let me see you right here again.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's talking to the paramedic. You see the other guy? He's getting his dick sucked.

[H. Foley]

Got ice on his knuckles.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's too tough. Guys figured it out too. Unfortunately.

[H. Foley]

From him anymore, huh? Over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's run through a couple of these real quick.

[Luke]

Average rate for a babysitter is like 20 to 27 an hour.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[Luke]

Experienced sitter is like 30 to 40.

[H. Foley]

You gotta juice that. They don't cancel on you prefer she

[Kevin Ryan]

doesn't know she had. She hasn't canceled things. The timeline just shifted a bit.

[H. Foley]

But even that I can't question that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can't question what?

[H. Foley]

Like when you got a kid, you can just say that to anybody.

[Kevin Ryan]

You want to know something? It was a bit of a lie.

[H. Foley]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

It wasn't.

[H. Foley]

I would say that all the time. Listen, the timeline shift that. I apologize. I say that because first of all,

[Kevin Ryan]

you don't speak as the timeline shifted now. So I know you're lying. According to my calculations. My cat's sick.

[H. Foley]

But even that I wouldn't. I wouldn't be like. What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, what happened today, baby, we were supposed family. We were supposed to record. And I do appreciate everybody on the team kind of, you know, being flexible with.

[H. Foley]

I try to throw you under the bus with that.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You don't even know.

[Luke]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Try to throw me under the bus.

[H. Foley]

No, Luke.

[Kevin Ryan]

Luke has planned or Luke wanted to do later.

[H. Foley]

Luke preferred.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[Luke]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh. Oh. I caught. I picked up on your cunty tone. Trust me. I just. Nobody doesn't read anything you say.

[H. Foley]

Not as a. I don't know how to say.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did. I know. It's crazy.

[Luke]

It's wild. You're tone and dead.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're toning.

[H. Foley]

I don't get it. I'm not even trying to be like that.

[Luke]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're just so naturally like that.

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

Charming the hottest guy?

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a specific.

[H. Foley]

I wasn't even trying to do that.

[Luke]

Even you asking for smoothies. I was like. I know. He's just trying to have fun. I was like this guy though.

[H. Foley]

No, that wasn't. I wanted a response from you guys.

[Luke]

I know.

[H. Foley]

And I wasn't. I wasn't getting a response.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I was driving.

[H. Foley]

I don't give a what you were

[Kevin Ryan]

Doing pull the up me back. No, I I I. It's kind of funny. This is unfolding in real time. I up because I didn't. We were coming in later and I didn't tell Nadine. Right. So then we weren't. We weren't going to come in till one or whatever. And the babysitter. I didn't tell Nadine. So Nadine didn't know until this morning. So she's like I can't. It was last night or something. She couldn't tell the baby. She couldn't. She felt bad going to the babysitter

[H. Foley]

saying hey, can you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, we got to move your schedule around. Night of which I get and respect. But so I. That was me dropping the ball and then I lied and said, hey, it shifted around when it didn't shift it or I didn't shift around, I just didn't plan.

[H. Foley]

Shouldn't have told us. You had us.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know I had you. That's the fun. Hey, you catch a fish, you set them free. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Catch a release.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right. So real quick tips for declining. Be prompt. Inform the host as soon as possible. You know you cannot make it to a lot of them. Adjust plans. 72 hours I think even day of. Keep it short. Don't over explain as detailed lies often sound suspicious. That's too much. Too much.

[H. Foley]

I fall into that.

[Kevin Ryan]

You do.

[H. Foley]

Sometimes I think I'm. I'm mind fucking where they'll never believe that I'm going this deep into it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Stop. What? You did perfectly earlier in the lie of I'm on the teaneck. It's jammed or whatever. It was the Taconic.

[H. Foley]

Thank you. That was some of my best work.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was not that much.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, a little spill.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, I'm jammed up on the GW Bay. I'm. The tunnels gridlock. Leave that. Even the tunnel. Don't say the house. The tunnels gridlock.

[H. Foley]

You know it works when you get back. Yeah. The whole city's jammed up. Yes, it is.

[Kevin Ryan]

From what I heard is whatever. Yeah. Just. Yeah, blame something. The weather, the snow. The snow's got me.

[H. Foley]

Although I might have told you this one time that worked so well where I was. This was 20 years ago. I was crashed out. I was crashed out and I didn't want to go to work. It was the winner. I called my boss and I was like, man, I'm so sick. I gotta go to the hospital. I hung up with him. I called him back acting like he was my dad, thinking that I had called my dad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you said yeah, yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Hook, line and sucker.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've always wanted fire like a week later. Unrelated. Call me Steeler. All right, let's see. Use text or email. Sending a message often easier than a phone call. Loud and to control the tone.

[H. Foley]

Yes. But sometimes people hit me with you tat, you, you cancel over text.

[Kevin Ryan]

You don't call. I'll get some. Well, it depends who the person is. If it's my mom, you gotta call your mom, your brother, your sister. And that's who they are.

[Luke]

Send her a letter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, you gotta like, hey, I'll also do a thing, you know, because I live far away from, you know, we live an hour and a half or New York, two hours. New York to Philly from our families. So there's a lot of like, hey, Kevin, can you make it next Friday? Whatever we're doing this. And I go, I know I probably can't. And I go, I don't know. Let me see. I gotta see. There's a few things of, you know, work got a shake out. And then timeline. Timeline shifted. And then midway through the next week, I can't. It's just not gonna work out. That's what I like to do.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I, when I, when I, you know.

[H. Foley]

But I canceled my birthday dinner one time.

[Kevin Ryan]

You just did it for us. We had it planned.

[H. Foley]

No, this was serious.

[Kevin Ryan]

Serious as well.

[H. Foley]

No, this was bad. Well, I didn't.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, this ain't great.

[H. Foley]

Was that real that you guys are really planning that?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Oh, I didn't know that. We'll have to have a longer discussion about it. I didn't know I didn't have to

[Kevin Ryan]

come up with a more in depth lie.

[H. Foley]

I thought you were joking around. So we'll talk. What is it? What is the plan?

[Luke]

It was to go to dinner, but

[H. Foley]

if you want day of my birthday.

[Luke]

Yeah, but if you want to go to. If you want to play cards or something here we can. You're the birthday boy, baby.

[H. Foley]

You just give me 50 bucks now.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, 25.

[H. Foley]

No, my sister in law made dinner. Made meatballs, which are meatballs. As you know, this was years ago. Talk about getting off on the wrong foot. Sure, yeah. She made dinner and I canceled

[Luke]

it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You've been canceling for a long time, haven't you, Big dog man had to

[H. Foley]

give a lot of ayg merch to

[Kevin Ryan]

fucking coming out of my ass. All right, we got to wrap it up though.

[H. Foley]

Gang, gang, good luck canceling your plans tonight. We love you. We'll see you next weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.