How To Pay With Change w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Summary

Podcast Summary: Are You Garbage? Episode - "How To Pay With Change"

Released on July 24, 2025

In the latest episode of Are You Garbage?, hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley tackle the everyday dilemma of using coins for transactions in a world increasingly dominated by digital payments. This family-oriented episode blends humor, personal anecdotes, and sharp observations, staying true to the show's trashy comedy game show vibe.

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1. Introduction to the Episode

The episode opens with Kevin Ryan humorously lamenting his consumption habits:

Kevin Ryan [00:00]: "I probably consume 56 ounces of Diet Coke, a bag of chips, and I'm talking a heavy bike bowl."

H. Foley sets the stage, welcoming listeners back to the show:

H. Foley [00:10]: "Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash."

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2. Navigating the Challenges of Paying with Change

The core of the episode revolves around the intricacies and frustrations of using coins instead of credit cards. Kevin shares his experiences with Coinstar machines:

Kevin Ryan [05:32]: "I've paid for my fair share of stuff with coins. Collecting change, picking quarters out, fucking hit. This is how I always..."

He further elaborates on his method of using Coinstar to purchase cigarettes:

Kevin Ryan [07:05]: "I go right to the cage. Can I get a pack of Marlboro Lights or Marlboro? They give you a receipt. I take that to the customer service desk. I go, 'Yo, let me get a pack of Marlboro Miles.'"

H. Foley counters by discussing how some individuals accumulate and use change effortlessly:

H. Foley [11:14]: "Regular people, people that do well, people that are sharp with their money, they sometimes accidentally accrue change that they have no shame or qualms spending when it gets full enough."

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3. Understanding the 'Bath Salts' Confusion

A humorous yet informative segment delves into the confusion between actual bath salts and the synthetic drugs known colloquially as "bath salts." The conversation becomes animated as they dissect the misuse of the term:

Kevin Ryan [02:17]: "He wasn't doing bath salts. Like relaxing like a bath bomb."

H. Foley [02:50]: "They were being sold as bath salts was a street name for synthetic drugs."

The hosts highlight the dangers and misunderstandings surrounding street terminology:

Kevin Ryan [03:14]: "They can get away with it... They were selling bath salts at head shops and stuff like that."

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4. Financial Struggles and Social Perceptions

Kevin opens up about his financial challenges, expressing a mix of shame and humor:

Kevin Ryan [05:42]: "I've been dirtbags for a long time in our life... Picking quarters out, fucking hit. This is how I always..."

H. Foley adds perspective on societal perceptions of financial struggles:

H. Foley [12:31]: "Overextended herself. Got caught up with the wrong people, ended up at the wrong parties, doing the wrong things."

The conversation touches on the stigma associated with being broke and the lengths people go to manage with limited resources.

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5. Listener Interactions and Hilarious Scenarios

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to addressing listener-submitted scenarios, adding an interactive element to the show. One standout interaction comes from Bannister Lannister:

Bannister Lannister [26:00]: "I exclusively will use a hand basket despite the amount of items I need and usually do self checkout. Today the self checkout line was long, but the express was wide open. Is it garbage that I walk up and put the basket right on the belt and didn't unpack it?"

Kevin and H. Foley respond with their trademark humor:

Kevin Ryan [27:18]: "Is it garbage that I walk up and put the basket right on the belt and didn't unpack it? Logistically, it didn't seem like it made a difference, but I feel like it's a stone cold trash move."

They continue to riff on the absurdity of the scenario, engaging listeners with their witty banter.

Another humorous interaction involves a listener contemplating the etiquette of using self-checkout lines:

Kevin Ryan [29:23]: "That’s Bannister Lannister. You will unload thy bag."

H. Foley [30:26]: "Yeah, it seems a little cunty. Or uncouth."

These interactions highlight the hosts' ability to turn everyday situations into comedic gold.

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6. Personal Anecdotes and Family Stories

The hosts share personal stories, adding depth and relatability to the episode. Kevin discusses his experience taking care of his baby while dealing with household mishaps:

Kevin Ryan [38:09]: "I've been using Crazy Glue. [...] I hold your legs up. Like, I'd be down for that."

H. Foley reminisces about her family's habits, blending humor with heartfelt moments:

H. Foley [62:18]: "She's been up all night... If you're working construction and your lunch is at fucking 10:15, I got to give you a pass."

These anecdotes provide listeners with a glimpse into the hosts' lives, enhancing the show's authenticity.

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7. Concluding Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, the hosts continue their playful banter, leaving listeners with laughs and thoughtful reflections on daily struggles:

Kevin Ryan [69:22]: "We love you to death. And we'll see you next week."

H. Foley [69:25]: "Peace."

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Notable Quotes

• Kevin Ryan [00:00]: "I probably consume 56 ounces of Diet Coke, a bag of chips, and I'm talking a heavy bike bowl."
• H. Foley [02:50]: "They were being sold as bath salts was a street name for synthetic drugs."
• Kevin Ryan [05:42]: "I've been dirtbags for a long time in our life... Picking quarters out, fucking hit."
• H. Foley [11:14]: "Regular people, people that do well... accidentally accrue change that they have no shame or qualms spending."

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Conclusion

In "How To Pay With Change," Are You Garbage? masterfully combines humor with relatable content, exploring the quirks of using coins in a digital age. Through witty exchanges, personal stories, and engaging listener interactions, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley deliver an episode that's both entertaining and thought-provoking. Whether you're struggling with your change jar or just in need of a good laugh, this episode is sure to resonate.

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Note: This summary excludes sponsored segments and focuses solely on the main content, as per the provided guidelines.

Transcript

[Kevin Ryan]

I probably consume 56 ounces of Diet Coke, a bag of chips, and I'm talking a heavy bike bowl.

[H. Foley]

Welcome to another exciting edition of are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. And hey, everybody out there. And welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is R U Garbage. Oh, yeah, it's that little show. We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy. Yeah, just a big old piece of trash.

[Kevin Ryan]

Garbage.

[H. Foley]

I'm your host, H. Foley. Coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tody's in a new edition. She is on her way to Kyoto, Japan.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

For the weekend.

[Kevin Ryan]

For the weekend.

[H. Foley]

Popping back. She's got a three night, four day stay out there in Kyoto. Gonna get Hiroshima and Nagasaki, see what's going on over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Show her boots on the ground.

[H. Foley]

Mike coast is coming at you from across the table. It's what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos and the homies. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman, but always king of the burbs, baby. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan.

[Kevin Ryan]

What up, gang? Shout out to you as always, please make sure you review. Subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify.

[H. Foley]

I'm in the charts. I mean, listen, we're in the charts here.

[Kevin Ryan]

That spot, I look out where did. Where the hot kids on the block. New kids on the block coming in. How you done? Only 40 and 50 years old. New kids on the block coming to get you.

[H. Foley]

Trying to be like that. Joe Santigato.

[Kevin Ryan]

Shout out to the basement yard. Obviously the greatest website of all time. Www.patreon.com garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content, gang.

[H. Foley]

Yes, sir. It's midsummer days here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Midsummer days. Big season guy. I love us love a season. You love the next season. You love last season. You love seasoning little all seasoning. Oh, man.

[H. Foley]

What was that one?

[Kevin Ryan]

Was it all seasoning, all spice or something like that? Old spice.

[H. Foley]

No, all.

[Kevin Ryan]

All. All seasons or no seasoning salt.

[H. Foley]

I don't know what that you ever.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have Jane's mixed up crazy salt.

[H. Foley]

Excuse me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just had some of that on pizza at my sister's house.

[H. Foley]

Had some bath salts once down here in Miami.

[Kevin Ryan]

Woke up, ate someone's face off.

[H. Foley]

Got that gator skin.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that caught a bad rap. That guy was just gonna eat Someone's face to be salts. Yeah. That was like the guy was got caught eating someone's face.

[H. Foley]

He wasn't doing bath salts. Like relaxing like a bath bomb.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think that's what not a bath bomb. I think they're sold. I never can you get the drug.

[H. Foley]

That's a street. Listen that's a street name.

[Kevin Ryan]

But I think it started called bath salts.

[H. Foley]

It wasn't actual Basils. He wasn't sniffing Epsons.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. But it was being sold that like you could buy it at like a fucking head shop as bath salts. I believe like under the guy of.

[H. Foley]

This is a bath salt fucking.

[Kevin Ryan]

They'll figure out a way to get.

[H. Foley]

I listen the second hand off brand drugs. You got to stick to the original stuff. That's the way I look at it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Heroin you get.

[H. Foley]

You go old school. I'm just saying.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

You know, there's Delta 9, whatever this shit is.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't mess with that now. What do you got?

[Mike]

It's all that synthetic stuff. They can get away with it. So they were. They were selling bath salts at head shops and stuff like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Like when you say bath salts, you mean actual bath salts like I put in the tub and relax.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, the.

[Mike]

You go crazy kind of.

[H. Foley]

You go crazy kind.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I'm sure if you smoke the bath bomb, you get pretty fucked up.

[H. Foley]

You go crazy. Seasoning salt.

[Mike]

Like when they used to sell like K2 and stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. In Wildwood it was. They were ecstasy cigarettes. They were black and you didn't have to be 18 to buy them. They were. It wasn't ecstasy, but they were called ecstasy. And they like, you know, got you. They were, you know, some sort of synthetic fucking cannabinoid little X.

[H. Foley]

Get me back to my fucking club days.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's when it. That's when it jumped the shark. When I learned that when I. When I started. When you started hearing like cannabinoids and like fucking. It's a compound like, dude, just get a. Just get a bag of Swiggarts, okay. It's a Mexican brick weed and get lifted.

[H. Foley]

You plant a couple of seeds in a little cup. You put it in your window, you water it. Now when it gets a leaf form, you start freaking out that the fucking DEA is. When I got the hot spot on.

[Kevin Ryan]

The roof, my first was like, I'm out. Was my boy. He was like. He was our first hippie. Got into fish. He got into like Keller William, like all these like independent widespread panic.

[H. Foley]

I was supposed to go to a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wide rav constantly Kids are all cool.

[H. Foley]

I was supposed to go to a Widespread Panic show in Athens, Georgia. I said, would you lose a bed that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. No way. But this, he started talking about, we were in, like, eighth grade, and he was like, yo, you can't eat weed. You gotta neutralize it with the bud. It's the. And I remember, you can't just bake. He was trying to explain to me, you can't just bake weed in brownies. You gotta make the butter to break down the fiber. And I'm like, dude, shut the. You're just eating a bud. I'm like, I just want a brownie.

[H. Foley]

Dude, you can't just eat a bud. It won't get you high.

[Mike]

Nah.

[H. Foley]

What? That's the dumbest thing I ever heard.

[Mike]

You gotta put in the oven and, like, bake it for.

[Kevin Ryan]

You gotta, like.

[H. Foley]

Here he goes.

[Mike]

I know.

[H. Foley]

Luke Matthews.

[Mike]

I'll dork it up for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait, like, Dave Matthews. Luke Matthews. Sounds like an outside linebacker.

[H. Foley]

Luke Matthews from Penn State school.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hearts school. The hard knock.

[H. Foley]

Went to JUCO for a couple of years trying to get his shit together.

[Kevin Ryan]

I got a little something I want to get into before we get started over here. Talk to me on the program.

[H. Foley]

Talk to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

We've been dirtbags for a long time in our life. Down on our luck, slow on cash. You know, stringing together some change here and there.

[H. Foley]

Let me see.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, we've. I've paid for my fit. Listen. Paid for my fair share of stuff with chain. Collecting change, picking quarters out, fucking hit. This is how I always. I saw someone pain and change recently, and it really threw me through a.

[H. Foley]

Mix kind of change.

[Kevin Ryan]

We talking let me get to. Let me get to the. Let me. I'll get there. So I was always a shit. I was shameful that I was broke, right? So I would take my $14, I'd go hit the coin star at the Super Fresh, let them wet their beak on 14.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah, you're doing small bet transactions. I never. I never. I never make the effort to go to a coin store unless I got a hundy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Dude, I don't think I've ever had a hyund at a coin. I was going, really? I. Sometimes I'd get single denomination. I was just looking for a pack of heaters. So I would get. I'd raid my. Go to.

[H. Foley]

You go to the gas station with what it's all did. Listen, you go to a. You go to a shitty gas station, there's no. It's like a Planet Fitness.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know judgments I know, but they want the quarters. It helped my confidence. I walk out of there counting bills, dog. Plus you get the receipt. I take that to the customer service desk. I go, yo, let me get. Pack a Marlboro Mild, take it out of there. Give me the cash.

[H. Foley]

Wait, you're handing them a marker?

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you. They get though the coin star prints you out a ticket. You got to take that ticket to the customer service, which.

[H. Foley]

Just do it in line.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I mean, I'm going. I'm going to.

[H. Foley]

You're. You're. Hold on. You're going to the customer service center at a. At a grocery store with the chip in your hand with the dupe with the ticket? Yeah, the winning lottery ticket. $14. You don't even.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm a high roller. No, I go right to the cage.

[H. Foley]

So you don't say, hey, give me $14 for this. Then I'm going to make a separate transaction with some cigarettes. You say, take my marker. Ok. Take the heaters out of there and give me the change.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I go, can I get a pack of Marlboro Lights or Marlboro? They give you a room, too, with that free turkey. Then did. At that point. At that point, I was smoking Marlboro Miles. This is a good Marlboro Miles. Yeah, the head. The. The medium.

[H. Foley]

Were you on tour with somebody?

[Kevin Ryan]

They were the medium.

[H. Foley]

What's your boyfriend do at the time?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? That was a. No, that was a dude sing.

[H. Foley]

No Marlboro Miles.

[Kevin Ryan]

The blues.

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're nuts. They don't even make that.

[Mike]

I have never seen the blues before.

[Kevin Ryan]

They used to be buy one, get one. That's how they say no. It's a lady. No, I'm telling a lady. No, bro.

[H. Foley]

A girl with sun in her hair and. And a hemp necklace.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Marlboro Menthol Lights is what they smoked.

[H. Foley]

Marlboro Menthol Lights. Oh, that's what.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a hooker Sig. That's what that is. That's a tugboat.

[H. Foley]

Marbor Menthol lights.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. I've dabbled with them a little bit.

[H. Foley]

Remember the ultra lights?

[Kevin Ryan]

I couldn't feel them.

[H. Foley]

When you wanted a headache.

[Kevin Ryan]

My sister, my. I'd steal them out of my sister's center console when she. You don't smoke no more. But she was.

[H. Foley]

And like, those weren't even good on the south end of an eight ball. They were.

[Kevin Ryan]

They didn't do nothing. If you were drunk, that. That was like breathing sick. I know. Whatever. That's what I would do. I like I would especially into college. And after that I would, I, I would go in, I'd make sure I was quarter heavy. If I am paying in straight change, make sure I'm quarter heavy. They're kind of. I know that I got five here and I know what I'm buying, I know how much. I go OK, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Bing. Bad. Boom.

[H. Foley]

This is heaters, this is snacks, this is whatever. If this is at a gas station.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gas. Wow. Yeah, gas station and Exxon, whatever, what have you.

[H. Foley]

Where do you think the garbage line of that stops? Where can you pay and change and where does it stop?

[Kevin Ryan]

I would say guessed it. Well they see this is different because like not everywhere accepted credit. Like so like you could have $7 in your bank account which. And go get a dollar slice. Which before there used to be a 5. There used to be minimums everywhere. That's not the case anymore.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, they don't do that anymore. There's no minimum on credit cards anymore, right?

[Kevin Ryan]

No dude, remember you. They would at a bodega if you were like hey it's $4. And you'd be like I gotta pay card. They'd be like you gotta get something else. Now they don't even ask for, they just start tapping it in and single transaction. Yeah. Even for like, you know, get a.

[H. Foley]

Piece of Bazooka Joe, throw it on the Amex.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is that what you've been doing?

[H. Foley]

Well, tap and bop. Read the funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I remember the dollar slice places used to not take as a cash business as a kid. You ain't lying.

[H. Foley]

But so people snooping around.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's how I operated. I remember, you know, even in my times in New York before. Before.

[H. Foley]

Can we switch to all cash? What do you mean mailing?

[Kevin Ryan]

Like what's cash on demand? You're paying the Uber driver, you're paying the fucking Amazon driver and shit. So I said I was at a coffee shop not too long ago.

[H. Foley]

Uh huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like not a star bought like so here's my thing, we can break it down. Woman was a woman, grown woman like dressed like kinda not like not poor. Didn't, didn't resonate. She needed to be buying. Here's my thing, she's paying for like a $6. It was like 697 or something. She got like a frappuccino latte, something like that. She pays for the whole thing. Not hot. I think pays for the whole thing in change which like I'm not sure why that purchase is being made in change.

[H. Foley]

I can explain.

[Kevin Ryan]

Please.

[H. Foley]

Got a Sneeze coming.

[Kevin Ryan]

Give me a secus King.

[H. Foley]

Man, AC is really getting to me. Regular people, people that do well, people that are sharp with their money, they sometimes accidentally accrue change that they have no shame or qualms spending when it gets full enough, it's nothing to them. I got to get rid of this. I don't want it in my car anymore.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would argue no one has $7 worth of change in their car because no one's spending cash.

[H. Foley]

Like, you think she was jammed up.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is what I'm saying. I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Why are you ordering?

[Kevin Ryan]

You're order. This is where I'm coming from. You're ordering a dollar seven. If you don't have, if you're paying, if you need to pay and change, I don't think you're getting a $7 coffee at the Fufu boutique spot. You go ahead, there's a wawa. But like if you only have $7, why not go, let me get a pack of zins and a 99 cent call.

[H. Foley]

Because she got caught up in spending outside of her limit. She probably has a good job. She probably has a good job, nice boss. She does well. And then, you know, shit went south. You know, not her fault.

[Kevin Ryan]

Overextended herself.

[H. Foley]

Overextended herself. Got caught up with the wrong people, ended up at the wrong parties, doing the wrong things. And now she's trying to get it all back together, but she's in a little bit of a slump right now. But she knows that when she walks into the office and everyone's wearing Dior and Gucci and Burberry and they got the bindi bags and all that stuff, she can't walk in with an A plus cup of coffee because they'll be like, hey, Debbie's back on the yacht.

[Kevin Ryan]

Everybody, Debbie's jammed the fuck up.

[H. Foley]

Debbie's jammed the fuck up. She's got to keep up the appearances until the check comes in next month.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Straightened out if I had to guess.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just not speaking from person.

[H. Foley]

Good looking woman.

[Kevin Ryan]

Older. Here's my. Here's what draw my attention to it. It would say whatever. Why I think it was 697. She dropped the 9, she got clean with the $6, counted out the 6.

[H. Foley]

And hit him with a 97, but.

[Kevin Ryan]

Then dropped all the 97 on the ground like by accident.

[H. Foley]

She's going through it, girl. Call me.

[Kevin Ryan]

She's. She's got the shakes. She's detox. And now that I think about it, she's. She's got a Bit of the dt.

[H. Foley]

It ain't for no cafe latte.

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell you that that's all she can afford at the moment to keep it.

[H. Foley]

That's probably your goddamn breakfast, lunch and dinner. She needs a cup of coffee yesterday. She's been up all night.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. I mean, listen that I. I was too shameful and what you know, some people, you know, that was just a thing for me of like a gentleman.

[H. Foley]

If you don't mind would have stepped in and said, hey, let me get this for you.

[Kevin Ryan]

Swoop in when she's at her lowest. Now you're talking. It looks like you could use a.

[H. Foley]

Hot meal in a shower.

[Kevin Ryan]

I take you down to the diner or something like that. Get a bowl of chowder in. You taught his sweat that out, baby. You gotta sweat out them toxins. Get a bowl of stew in you.

[H. Foley]

Get some hot sauce, honey.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got some goulash at the crib. Yeah, I don't know. I was just very like why are you here? Like there's other options to be doing. $7 and change is a lot of change.

[H. Foley]

She's used to it, baby.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, but then who the fuck has that much change?

[H. Foley]

I don't think $7 is that much.

[Kevin Ryan]

How many bills you have to break to accumulate $7 in over her the.

[H. Foley]

Years of working or whatever. Yeah, you don't got $7 and change at your house.

[Kevin Ryan]

You broke ass mother damn. I thought you were doing well. Yeah, but I'm not rolling with it.

[H. Foley]

But if you were jammed the fuck up, you would be.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'd be at the fucking super Fresh cashier getting a pack of Marlboro Miles with my ticket. Like a guy walk out with $7 chain cash. No one ever knew I was jammed up.

[H. Foley]

She should be doing the move where she goes to 7 11, steals the cup of coffee inside the Big Gulp cup.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's what I'm saying. Get. Get a little. Get a little crafty or something.

[H. Foley]

Maybe she's on the way. Keep an eye on her in the neighborhood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I kind of have to. I don't know. I was. Yeah. I don't know. Hey, to each their own. Maybe. Maybe she was just spending. Maybe she was jammed. I just. In my dirtbag brain. Nothing was computing. I could. I couldn't get the rhythm.

[H. Foley]

The way that I look at it though, and you have said this before. When people who have it like that, ok. When you know, if she is smart with her money and she just had extra change and just wanted to get rid of it, they don't Think about that. That's the same mentality. And I've heard you say this, that if a guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Never heard me say.

[H. Foley]

If a guy's out to dinner and he is doing. He has nothing to hide. Doing. Well, he hands a credit card, for some reason that credit card doesn't go through. He just goes, oh, my bad. Here, use this one. What? If it was us, we'd be the fuck. This is bullshit. I'm goddamn American. Fucking run it again. And flipped it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Don't run it again. Don't, don't. Do not run that again. Call up Luke. He's. Luke will spot me. I just called Luke.

[H. Foley]

I'll be back in 45 minutes.

[Kevin Ryan]

Venue out.

[H. Foley]

Run it again. I'll be back in 10 minutes.

[Mike]

I bring my dad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Luke, call your Dad. I need $128 to Applebee's in midtown, stat.

[H. Foley]

He pay over the phone with a credit card.

[Mike]

No problem.

[H. Foley]

You wanted to.

[Kevin Ryan]

I wonder what that is now. Now that things have changed. Access to money has changed so much.

[H. Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

What is the. I don't. I mean, the old story would be like, you gotta wash dishes to work. What is the. I can't fucking pay for this.

[H. Foley]

Mm.

[Kevin Ryan]

And like cuz then at some point somebody like Venmo me. You could even go like, hey, waiter, I'll vet. Can you pay cash? I'll Venmo you put on your car.

[H. Foley]

I'll Venmo like motherfuckers not asking if you got Zell. That's when it gets real bad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Cash app.

[H. Foley]

Shout out to Cash Shout.

[Kevin Ryan]

Out the cash app sponsor. They just sent me $10 in Bitcoin.

[H. Foley]

Get out of here. What?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's for signing up. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kids Rich check me out at the cafe. Yeah. No. I wonder what that looks like now. Not having enough money to pay for the tab, to pay for the bill. Because someone. I mean, like when we used to go like me, Pat, flip, whatever, we'd go out with only access to. Between the three of us only had access to maybe $80. And if whatever. What? My card wasn't worth something or something hit that and cleared me out that I wasn't expecting. Like we didn't have it, nobody had it to cover. You'd have to like go home and like ask your mom or something.

[H. Foley]

You know, It's a good trick if you got nothing, but you want to save a little face. You take a key and you scratch the strip on the back of the card. You throw it in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's not working through the wash or something.

[H. Foley]

You Got magnets.

[Kevin Ryan]

Demagnetize. Yeah. And they start running, they start calling. They call up mastercard real quick.

[H. Foley]

Do that. They can't get into your account. They don't know my pin number.

[Kevin Ryan]

You lean over and cut the cord. I cut the telephone call.

[H. Foley]

You can't pay your phone bill.

[Kevin Ryan]

Kind of establishment. They've taken my business elsewhere.

[H. Foley]

I feel sick of my stuff. I'm not gonna lie.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think those clams were bad.

[H. Foley]

What kind of barbershop is this?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all right.

[H. Foley]

Kimi. Can I tell you about pretty litter?

[Kevin Ryan]

Tell me about the pretty litter.

[H. Foley]

You know how much I love pretty litter. More importantly, you know how much my kitty cat loves pretty litter. I know we got a lot of cat people out there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

All right. I'm gonna tell you this. Pretty litter is the best litter that you're gonna use for your cat. And I'll tell you why. A lot of different reasons. Number one, I'm a lazy guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Amen.

[H. Foley]

It's lightweight. When you bring it upstairs, it lasts longer than most. Most kitty litters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

All right. Smells unbelievable. You don't even know there's a cat in the house. And the most important reason.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hit him.

[H. Foley]

There's anything going on with the cat's urinary tract, the crystals in pretty litter will turn color to let you know. Now, it's obviously not a doctor. It's something. But it gives you a heads up. Maybe it's time to take the cat to the vet.

[Kevin Ryan]

Gives you the early warning if you need it.

[H. Foley]

And talk about a company caring about your pet. These other. These other pet products, man, a lot of times they don't really care.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nah. Running gun.

[H. Foley]

Running gun. Pretty litter cares. I'm telling you. It's the only kitty litter that I'm ever going to use again. And that's just me shooting you straight.

[Kevin Ryan]

You got the bugman hooked. And right now, right now, you can save 20% on your first order and get a free cat [e-mail] garbage that's pretty littered.com garbage. To save 20% on your first order and you get the free cat toy. Pretty littered.com garbage pretty litter cannot detect every feline health issue or prevent or diagnose diseases. A diagnosis can only come from a licensed veterinarian. Terms and conditions apply. See the site for details. Do it.

[H. Foley]

Can't be. Got to brunt Woo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talking about that Brunt dog.

[H. Foley]

Best work boots in the market, would you say?

[Kevin Ryan]

Some would say how many times when you.

[H. Foley]

When you were. When you were doing blue collar Jobs doing construction where your feet were killing at the end of the day because you had a bad pair of boots.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I always had bad boots. I always looked like a bozo. My feet always hurt. I was always complaining I had bad gear.

[H. Foley]

Dude, I'd be out there in sneakers like a bozo.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure, yeah.

[H. Foley]

I wish I had brought when I was banging, but I was working as a little laborer. Yeah, I mean, taking down the drywall, doing that stuff, getting yelled at because I didn't know what I was doing and I stunk at it. Gang, do yourself fever. If you're working, get Brunt.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Comfortable, reliable, they look good. Your feet aren't going to kill you at the end of the day. There is nothing worse than going home. And you can't wait to count. You're counting the seconds. You can't even think straight. You're trying to get those boots off. With Brunt, you're not going to have that problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got lightweight, waterproof slip and oil resistant, heat resistant, electrical hazard rated. How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Electrical hazard?

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. They got it all. Whatever you need, they got it. Joined over the 500,000 other customers who are using Brunt, you can finally have durable work boots that are as comfortable as your sneakers. Brunt let you try the boots on the job and all their products have free shipping. How you doing out the door, baby. Brunt was tired of the workwear brands out there cutting corners. You won't have to. You work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots that don't hold up. So they built something better. Boots that are insanely comfortable and built for any job site. For a limited time, our listeners get $10 off at Brunt. When you go, when you use the checkout code garbage, just head to bruntworkware.com use the code garbage and you're good to go. And after you order, they'll ask you how you heard about Brunto. As a favor, let them know the boy sent you from Are you Garbage? We love you. Yeah, I don't know. All right, all that being said, that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. As you know, if, if you're a fan of the program or a homie or a long time bozo, or if you're new to the program just blacked out for a second.

[H. Foley]

When you sign up for the old Patreon to get every question read on the air by Kevin James Ryan himself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Listen, I got fucking baby bread, freak. I got baby bread. I don't know what's going on.

[H. Foley]

Father of the year last six months.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's not what my wife said. Currently at home alone with a screaming baby. Kids got to chill out a little bit. Hey, buddy, relax. That's too much formula. He's probably doing tummy time right now.

[H. Foley]

Tummy time?

[Kevin Ryan]

I got him a bunch of Phillies or I didn't. The good folks over there, William Morrison Endeavor sent us a lot of.

[H. Foley]

It's a top shell outfit. Top shelf outfit over there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Maybe one day we can work together there in Hollywood. Sure. Also they're like on like six in a fleabag.

[H. Foley]

That's what they call bicoastal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uhhuh. Bisexual.

[H. Foley]

Hello. You're speaking the language.

[Kevin Ryan]

Freaky beaky, acdc, alternating wieners.

[H. Foley]

What? They got you some nice Philly stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

Some Philly stuff. They got him. So he's been rocking. He's got like a Wawa onesie. He's got a onesie that says John.

[H. Foley]

He's got to step on our gear that we got our off brand Eagle stuff.

[Kevin Ryan]

I gotta be honest with you. Yes. Some of that was whack.

[H. Foley]

Your Randy McNabb jersey.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who gets a Donovan McNabb onesie? That's wild.

[H. Foley]

I mean, you're a Philly scumbag. Listen, Jonathan McNabb is your guy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Yes.

[H. Foley]

I'm a Randall Cunningham man myself.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jim McMahon scrambled eggs honey man.

[H. Foley]

Or Ron Jaws George.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, listen, I've long known had Jaws's autograph. My dad used to rent a. Rent a unit from him.

[H. Foley]

We're all Jalen Hurts mans now though.

[Kevin Ryan]

We saw him on the field.

[H. Foley]

Sure we did. Celebrating down there with the team.

[Kevin Ryan]

AFC NFC champion as a Nazi. We gotta. Jalen Hurts walked by me and you and like looked at us. I was a good game. He's like, what the. Let your fat asses on the. On the field.

[H. Foley]

Good job, Jimmy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm stealing someone's helmet.

[H. Foley]

Good friends of Mike Mamula.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did. I did have a Mike Mamola signed Mike Mamola jersey.

[H. Foley]

We hung out with him. What do you mean?

[Kevin Ryan]

Holy. We did at the Whitney show at the Tower or not the Tower theater.

[H. Foley]

Good looking dude.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Remember he didn't. I said though, remember that? I embarrassed my. He's like, yo, did a big I had a Mike memoir and he's like, cool. He really didn't give me the time of day.

[H. Foley]

Hung out with us for a little less when we started comedy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Who are you? What was I talking about? No, but he's been rocking his Philly gear. Makes Me feel like a proud Philly.

[H. Foley]

It's in meal in your change.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't wait till I get in. That's for sure. He's smoking my Marlboro Mild. I can't wait to get him down to the boardwalk and hold them up like Lion King at the entrance. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let him see it. Let him see his palace or his fucking. His kingdom.

[H. Foley]

Now what if he starts operating like you and the boys did? What if he's sneaking? What if he's going down to the games and he's sneaking heaters in the hallway? Huh? Down at the tailgating.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. What age?

[H. Foley]

Couple months.

[Kevin Ryan]

7? 8. I mean season we were a big if you're 16, you're allowed to have a beer. About to start smoking at 12.

[H. Foley]

State troopers, I would say this thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

My uncle who was a cop. Not anymore. All right. Like we said, we got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. Let's friggin get right into it. Speaking of pain and you know, checking out in cashiers and supermarkets. This is from Bannister Lannister. First time, long time. Never had one red ten dollar homie.

[H. Foley]

Bannister Lannister. That's a good name for a band.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's a tongue twister. He's like, I'm writing this live from a Publix checkout line. Publix, from what I hear, fantastic institution.

[H. Foley]

Mr. Burt Kreischer, big fan of the Publix.

[Kevin Ryan]

The pub sub pubs, everybody.

[H. Foley]

Which I gotta say, when he first started mentioning it to us, had my curiosity.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now you have.

[H. Foley]

Lately he's been posting a lot of people.

[Kevin Ryan]

He's down there.

[H. Foley]

Down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

A lot of people have been telling. Because we talked about pub subs maybe like a month or so ago.

[H. Foley]

Now he has mike interest.

[Kevin Ryan]

I thought they were more pre made. I didn't know they were. You can bang. They're banging them out. Like making them for you.

[H. Foley]

We down there in FLA. Anytime soon? Not really. Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not really.

[H. Foley]

To hold out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Swinging a miss. We'll be in Georgia. I got him in Atlanta.

[H. Foley]

I got him in Atlanta.

[Kevin Ryan]

I think so.

[H. Foley]

Okay.

[Kevin Ryan]

In the South. Southern boy.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

At Uber Eats.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

Writing this live from a Publix checkout line. I feel like Publix is trashy because of the X. Right. Anything with an X is like a strip. It's like strip club. Publix with an X is like you're not swinging for the fucking high society.

[H. Foley]

Or when you replace the S with a Z. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Bad. Sure.

[H. Foley]

And if the Z goes into the two words.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's big.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, it's huge.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like Pizza Zone or whatever the Z.

[H. Foley]

Oh, that's pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

How you doing?

[H. Foley]

Is there a Pizza zone?

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm sure. All right, see, after the let's take it over on there. How many. I mean, it's not gonna give them to you all over the country, but there's gotta be. There's probably four in New York.

[H. Foley]

Pizza Zone. Pizza Zone would have to be a chain. That sounds like a chain from Toy Story.

[Kevin Ryan]

It might be, yeah.

[Mike]

Got one in Lodi.

[H. Foley]

Lo Die.

[Kevin Ryan]

Texas, New Jersey.

[H. Foley]

Wait, is that where he was stuck?

[Kevin Ryan]

Who? No. What was Cosmic Pizza or something? What was the pizza in Toy Story? Oh, I'm not asking your brain. I'm asking Google Pizza Planet.

[H. Foley]

Pizza Planet. That sounds like a good. That sounds like a nice Friday night. And on a Pizza Planet. Play some video games, get a nice slice of pepperoni. We didn't have any toy. Started coming to life then. You're freaking the out, stomping those things.

[Kevin Ryan]

Talk about widespread panic.

[H. Foley]

No. Is that where John Fogarty was stuck? Stuck in low Die again?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Oh, buddy of yours, I'm stuck in low day. Is that what he was said? Do you know that, Luke?

[Mike]

Not well enough. I'm Googling it now.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just a Google hour with. Are you going?

[H. Foley]

Just about a year ago, I set it on my own.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I thought Lodi was in Texas. I mean, it might be.

[Mike]

Maybe he's saying the song is referring to Lodi, California.

[H. Foley]

Ah, see, I knew there was another.

[Kevin Ryan]

One off and wrong on the state, though.

[H. Foley]

Was he jammed up?

[Mike]

Very much so. The feeling of being trapped in a mundane or unfulfilling situation. That's what it refers to.

[Kevin Ryan]

The line in there.

[H. Foley]

$5 and quarters on you and no heaters.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, so this is. All right. Bannister, Lannister. I exclusively will use a hand basket despite the amount of items I need and usually do self checkout. Okay, Today the self checkout line was long, but the express was wide open. Is it garbage that I walk up and put the basket right on the belt and didn't unpack it? Logistically, it didn't seem like it made a difference, but I feel like it's a stone cold trash move.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Dude, what the fuck? What are you, the Queen of England?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's it. Listen, I've been a cat. I've been on the business end of that. It's a little dismissive, although it's not legit. It's there. The thing doesn't have to move. You can. Yeah, I get it.

[H. Foley]

It might be easier for them. And if you've been to a Trader. Jews, that's how it's done. Because there's no belt. There's just a zone just right there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would argue. I don't think I've ever been in Trader Joe's in the suburbs, but that's a very New York thing, too. They tend to just like. At, like more small because there's no space. Is it in the suburbs?

[Mike]

Suburbs, Same thing.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Wow.

[H. Foley]

I don't have been to a Trader Joe's in the suburbs. All city. Action city.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not. If I'm not a teacher, at least.

[Mike]

The one near me.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I wonder.

[Kevin Ryan]

I feel like I've been in one in Jersey.

[H. Foley]

And there's belts, though I wouldn't say. Either way, it's trashy. I would say it's a little uncouth.

[Kevin Ryan]

Or could be interpreted as uncouth.

[H. Foley]

It. It would be like snobby is what.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, it seems a little cunty.

[H. Foley]

Unload my basket.

[Kevin Ryan]

Banister Lannister, you will unload thy back.

[H. Foley]

Load eye Lannisters.

[Kevin Ryan]

Publix.

[H. Foley]

Yes. That is bours on cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have you ever seen it before?

[H. Foley]

How long you been eating Boursan cheese?

[Kevin Ryan]

What's Borson?

[H. Foley]

I'm surprised you don't know it.

[Mike]

I'm not familiar.

[H. Foley]

A fancy cheese dip thing. You know, Porson cheese Comes in like a little tinfoil thing. A ball.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, I'm a Cooper. Sharp man. I'm a.

[H. Foley]

It's not cheese like you put on a Sammy. What Ain't messing with dip and cheese.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you think? I'm just rolling with dipping cheese?

[Mike]

I didn't see it till college, but my parents had it.

[Kevin Ryan]

How do you spell it? Let me get eyes on it.

[H. Foley]

B O O U S R I.

[Mike]

N. Is it B O U R S I N. Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

Right. What he said.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you know, that.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

I mean, but you didn't have that when you were a kid.

[Kevin Ryan]

When I was a kid. I don't have it now. At the Coin Star. Get some Bursin Normandy. What Didn steamroll them pussies.

[H. Foley]

Is that. Was that. What's from Normandy, France.

[Kevin Ryan]

Originating in Normandy, France. A brand of soft, creamy, and crumbly gourmet cheese. You were getting real fucking hoity too. You're gonna be dropping your fucking your banister Lannister on the conveyor belt and going, do my groceries.

[H. Foley]

It's from Normandy. Everybody pulled it together, didn't they? Shout out to them. Good chowder in Normandy too. I hear that's a Bourdain always said, good soup. It's cold. Wind coming off the wind.

[Kevin Ryan]

Weather. Rain.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, a little brown.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This one's from Toady's protege. $10 home and never have one rent. Are you. Are you garbage? Kenny Banion, are you garbage? If you're seriously contemplating getting a payday loan with your car title on a car that has a slipping transmission just so they'll be the ones that have to deal with it. I guess that's pretty good. If it's got a bad transmission. The idea of it got a bad transmission, you get your five thousand dollar loan for it. Don't pay it back. They take the car, they're. It ain't worth five grand. They don't know that. Got plugs in the tire. Oh.

[H. Foley]

That'S Bannister.

[Kevin Ryan]

Lance. That guy's not unpacking his goddamn wow basket, I'll give him that. That's a listen, I don't know title.

[H. Foley]

Take the car. I don't give a.

[Kevin Ryan]

Feels like that's kind of the how it would shake out. I'm sure they have to have. Listen, people doing car title loans, they ain't the fucking boy scouts, okay? I'm sure they're aware dirtbags are trying to give them fucking cars without engines and stuff.

[H. Foley]

That's pretty good. They.

[Kevin Ryan]

They have to know. Do you think that's their first time getting screwed over?

[H. Foley]

At least what you got to do is when they come to repo, you still have to do the fake. Run out of the house in your towel to try to stop him. Yeah, take my car. I gotta go to work. Give him the side.

[Kevin Ryan]

You know damn well you ain't got no job. I gotta get to the Coin Star machine.

[H. Foley]

That car ain't got no seats.

[Kevin Ryan]

Pawn them for Marlboro miles.

[H. Foley]

Driving to work.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

That'S a tough look.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's. That's Gene, the ip. That's pretty good. All right, let's see here. This is Prince of Tras 1995. Hey, fellas. Got a question for you. I got an answer, Straight shooter. Have you guys recently used duct tape to repair anything? I currently have a leaky faucet. Patch it up with some duct tape and it's still a lit. It still leaks a little, but not as bad. I just use my real. First time using gorilla glue, that stuff.

[H. Foley]

Gotta be careful.

[Kevin Ryan]

I use super glue.

[H. Foley]

New homeowner, you got child in the house. That stuff is dangerous.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, he's not. He can't get into nothing.

[H. Foley]

I know, but you could clamp your fingers together. That ain't never coming off.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm stuck holding the baby. I caught him huffing it the other day.

[H. Foley]

That stuff is dangerous.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well, I realized.

[H. Foley]

So my day was called Crazy Glue.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. So they're different. I bought. I bought Crazy Glue the other day, and then I found Gorilla Glue at the house. I. Crazy. This is real dirt bag shit. We got a.

[H. Foley]

What are you crazy? Model kit. Messerschmitt. What are you doing?

[Kevin Ryan]

I. This is a real. This is a real dirt bag. Our coffee table in the living room.

[H. Foley]

Using crazy glue on wood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whoa. So it's like. I meant.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

So they say this is the. You know, this is the table. This is like. There's like a laminate type. Not laminate or whatever. Like a piece of, like, thin wood on top. And then there's the trim on the side that's like two different pieces. You know what I mean? It's the same material, just like this. And then trim along the side.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

We put our feet on the coffee table. And this seam bubbled up. Yes. So I.

[H. Foley]

That's a shitty coffee table.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was expensive. She shopped shops at the fucking. What are they called?

[H. Foley]

CB2.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. But the depots.

[H. Foley]

The outlets.

[Kevin Ryan]

Outlets. So we probably got a bum table or something. Probably sitting in the wrong fucking shipping container of all the glue melted off.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

And then they were like, you know, give it to these fucking idiots, man. We buy the worst shit. So I had a super glue it and turn it so you don't see it. That, like, then faces the tv.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, but I started to faces the tv. What do you want to face in the couch?

[Kevin Ryan]

No, because then I look at. I can't see that. I don't see that edge. Nobody walks in front of the TV.

[H. Foley]

When it gets screamed.

[Kevin Ryan]

At any rate, catch a remote on the side of that.

[H. Foley]

I forgot to tell you this. I got an issue going on at the apartment day of. You know, we got the wood flooring in the living room. I got two sections that are doing this.

[Kevin Ryan]

And it went heavy payload. Walking around. I'm just saying. What's that stuff rated at?

[H. Foley]

Plate tectonic. It went from this to this overnight to the point that I thought it was a pipe or something that was gonna burst. Had the super come up, take a look. He's like, it ain't the air conditioning leaking in because it's too far away.

[Kevin Ryan]

He is a real wood can't be.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. It's real wood planks. I mean, whatever that stuff is, it's not like tape.

[Kevin Ryan]

I didn't think it was tape.

[H. Foley]

It's like fake brick, but it's real wood.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wallpaper.

[H. Foley]

What's a chance?

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, LPV stuff. Who, like, laminate?

[H. Foley]

Lbj.

[Kevin Ryan]

Great guy. Couldn't walk, huh?

[H. Foley]

Walk fine. A tall drink of water. Had big piece, too. They say wiener. Oh, they used to call him little lbj. Hey, look it up.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Anyway, he from Lodi. They think it's the building next door pushing against our building that's causing the problem.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's like tremor.

[H. Foley]

I think I got a lawsuit on my hands.

[Kevin Ryan]

He was slipping full. Get a. Get him a neck brace. Ship it to the house. Trip over that a day.

[H. Foley]

I just thought of something funny.

[Kevin Ryan]

What? Can't say. Catch up on Patreon. I also use gorilla glue. Well, that happened. So I was doing the crazy glue. Baby started crying. She needed a hand with, like, you know, I was just changing them or whatever. He needed to pass. Like, you gotta. He don't like getting his baby changed. Nah, neither do I. But, hey, you know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

I would love it. I would love it.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get cold and they don't like that.

[H. Foley]

He starts feeling that on my sack. Tighten me up a little bit. Clean me all up. Hold my legs up. Like, I'd be down for that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Have to be a big guy.

[H. Foley]

Big dude. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Andre the Giant. Cleaning your diaper. Legs up. Over.

[H. Foley]

Oh, my God, that's my address.

[Kevin Ryan]

That was not that good. Typically a great showman. You really.

[H. Foley]

Everywhere.

[Kevin Ryan]

Another blowout. But I was doing that, and I for. I haven't used it in so long. And you go, oh. It was that feeling of, like, it on your fingers. Like, I haven't felt this feeling in so long. And then your fingers get hard. And then she's like, can you come here? So I'm holding them, and I'm like, I got heavy bike Hemis on my hand. You gotta get this baby away from me. I'm like, putting the pacifier in his mouth. He's fucking. I'm like, this is fucking bad. Can't get it out. And then you got a gorilla glue. We just buy bad shit. The cabinet under the sink, the handle is wood in, like, two, not like, two metal loops with like a. You know, it's like a loop here and a loop here, and there's like a wooden thing that goes through.

[H. Foley]

I think I know what you're talking about.

[Kevin Ryan]

Got them on Amazon. And you pull them enough that they the wood slips out.

[H. Foley]

Jesus.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know.

[H. Foley]

What do they connect it with?

[Kevin Ryan]

Just like a little like indent or something. I know. They look great, though.

[H. Foley]

So you super glue them in together.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I gorilla glue. Slip that in matter of the wood.

[H. Foley]

What metal to wood?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's gorilla glue, baby.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

It's not made with actual gorillas, is it?

[Kevin Ryan]

Now 20 more gorilla.

[H. Foley]

Oh, you're conserving here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's a. That is a good question. That is a very good indicator of. Of. Of dirt baggedness of your. Any duct tape? Yeah, I've been using as, you know, I'm a big painter's tape guy now because that duct tape really jams you up.

[H. Foley]

Hey, but the painter's tape don't do nothing.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're nuts.

[H. Foley]

I cut my foot. I use. I use duct tape on it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah.

[H. Foley]

Give you that piece of gauze.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, that's a big superglue. That too.

[H. Foley]

I was really rolling the dice on that too. I really just covered it up and let it. I didn't touch it for like a week. And I was like, this is going to turn black and fall off. I'm going to find out that I have diabetes and bad circulation or it's going to heal on its own. Thank God it healed on its own. Took the duct tape off and it was fine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Please, my foot don't come off. Please, my foot don't come off. I mean, this one's wild. This is from garbage. $10 trash. Never on weather. Are you garbage. Put your dad's ashes in a Yingling bottle. That's. I listen, as a Philly dirtbag, I respect that. I respect it. Listen, there's not many containers you could put me in. That would be. I don't. I wouldn't. I'm gonna pull this back. I don't think there's. Hey, now that I think about it, there's not a more sentimental thing to put me in than a Yingling bottle. There's no other container that I. That I've had a connection with. I mean, we go.

[Mike]

I mean, a pounder.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I would do one of those glass bottles that you get at like, Great adventure.

[Kevin Ryan]

The sand art.

[H. Foley]

They stretch out. I'd be in one of those.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like the Coke bottles. Yeah, I used to do sand dart in that. I thought I was good. I thought I really had a business on my hand. He had a sandar kit every whole nine.

[H. Foley]

Did you stretch the bottle out?

[Kevin Ryan]

No. Fucking was a hippie. What's taking blowing glass?

[H. Foley]

How did they get away with doing that? At like Great Adventure. What do you mean they don't do that anymore. There's no way you're allowed to melt glass at Great Adventure.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't. I never saw them do the bottles.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I just.

[Kevin Ryan]

The bottles were always existing. Let's get some sand art for the set. Start looking.

[H. Foley]

I'll do something.

[Kevin Ryan]

You do it. Buy it.

[H. Foley]

Should do a little art contest on Patreon. I don't know, paint something.

[Kevin Ryan]

A paint and sip still life. Oh, let's get a man a paint.

[H. Foley]

And sip with the homies would be all right. That would be nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get a nude model.

[H. Foley]

Ryan D. Gary.

[Kevin Ryan]

Jerry.

[H. Foley]

Scary Jerry. That'd be pretty good. That'd be cool to get a nude model. Get a guy and a girl for everybody. Can we broadcast that?

[Kevin Ryan]

A nude model?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. Behind a paywall.

[Kevin Ryan]

Not on YouTube. Won't take it. I don't think Patreon likes the nudity.

[H. Foley]

It's door to my house.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know. Cameras still in my bedroom. Lock the door. You guys. You guys stay at your place. This one's from $10. Kippy Juniors, legal fund investor. Are you garbage if you watch those YouTube hotel cruise reviews before you go on a trip so you know exactly what everything looks like before you get there.

[H. Foley]

I'm with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm. I just started doing that.

[H. Foley]

I'm with it.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's insane the amount of information that's on YouTube. Yeah, it's crazy.

[H. Foley]

If you're going somewhere and you don't look up, you know, 10 things to do in fucking Wilmington, Delaware on a Friday. You're nuts. Actually got good Chinese food down there.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've also like, looked at stuff and been like, I don't need to go now. I've got to scratch the itch. I don't need to go see the castle in our state, New York.

[H. Foley]

Trevi Fountain. I get it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

A lot of people were talking about that joint that you went to. What's it called? Lockhammer?

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Where'd you go just recently? Yeah, the Castle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Mohonk.

[H. Foley]

Mohonk.

[Kevin Ryan]

That fucking price. You could have went to fucking Cancun for three weeks for that fucking price. Yeah, there's the. It was the baby moon.

[H. Foley]

They're talking about that online.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Not your stay specifically.

[Kevin Ryan]

Nice day.

[H. Foley]

Wasn't some guy healing mozzarella sticks. That was your shoe.

[Kevin Ryan]

All right, let's see here. This is ten dollar homie. House money. And is it garbage or scoot? That's a great name. House money and house money aunt. That's my boy. House money.

[H. Foley]

And house money and that's pretty good. Always want winning.

[Kevin Ryan]

Ant's such a good.

[H. Foley]

Ant's good.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can do anything with it. Little ant. Big ant just ain't Antony.

[H. Foley]

Antony.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a good one. Anthony's a good name, my boy. Big gay aunt. House money aunt. Is it garbage to scoot over in your lane when somebody is tailgating you so they can see that there's some other bozo ahead of you holding everything up? That's a. I love that. Scooch over. Go, buddy. Take a look at what I'm dealing with.

[H. Foley]

You're preaching to the choir, dude. I do that all the time. I let them know. That's what I call a little street ratting. You're beeping at me. Where you think I would be the idiot not going. I mean this in front of me.

[Kevin Ryan]

You want me to know I'm right there with you. I'm trying to make moves for sure.

[H. Foley]

That's man to think of. That is so good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. To like it. To verbalize.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. That was cool.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's a. That's one of those things that makes you mad.

[H. Foley]

We didn't think of it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, I know.

[H. Foley]

That's fantastic.

[Kevin Ryan]

We had one the other day. We went to an event. We were shooting something and it was. It was a bring your own chair event, which is. We were like, that is a. There. There is no classy bring your own chair event. If you're rolling. I mean, and these guys were rolling up.

[H. Foley]

Unless you're going to see Andrew Ryu or something.

[Kevin Ryan]

Like, who's that?

[H. Foley]

You know, Andrew Ryu is big. Big conductor. Huge in Europe. I mean, packing them the fuck in.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Does good.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like this. This fucking Normandy cheese for European conductors.

[H. Foley]

My dad liked them. Yeah. Have you found them on YouTube? He found them on YouTube.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was just watching a video of the founders of YouTube.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

When there was only 40 videos on YouTube. And they were like. They were sitting in some fucking closet and they were filming. And one guy had a camera. He's like, we just.

[H. Foley]

Were they making videos?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, I guess. I don't. Well, it was made to share, like, for him to share videos with his boys originally. Of like, I can upload this and send you a link that you can watch it. But he was like. They were like, oh, we need. He's like, at the end of the day, it's just not that cool. We only have like 40 or 50 videos on here. We need more videos.

[H. Foley]

Now look at.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now look at. You know, we got two. We got the YouTube plaque on the wall.

[H. Foley]

What'd they cash in for those guys?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, see what you see where you can get their net worth at? I mean Google bought them for like a billion or something.

[H. Foley]

A billion dollars?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know. A lot of cash. That's a lot of. That guy ain't hitting a coin star, I'll tell you that much.

[H. Foley]

He ain't smoking marble miles either.

[Mike]

400 million, 500 million, 40 million. Yeah. All these guys.

[H. Foley]

Wow. Who's the guy that started YouTube?

[Mike]

Chad Hurley, Steve Chen and Jaweed Kareem.

[H. Foley]

My man.

[Kevin Ryan]

Amen brother. And Gary YouTube. This one's from Lap Band of Brothers. Great name. $10, homie. Do you currently have any silverware or utensils inside your refrigerator?

[H. Foley]

Any utensils currently inside my refrigerator or silverware? Yes, I do.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Yes I do. I also have a couple of Tupperware that I know were empty and were place right back in the refrigerator. Dirty. Yeah. Dishwasher was full. Didn't want to leave them in the sink. Didn't want to clean them by hand. Slid them right back in. They've fallen under the radar when you stack them neatly. Could be something in there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

I can't move you.

[H. Foley]

That'll come to light. Oh, that'll be a scandal.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wasn't me was that nude model that was goddamn building next door.

[H. Foley]

Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

We. We currently my wife and her family do the plate of food in there like I I was talking about. There's like he'll make schnitzel or whatever and it's just on the plate in there which like my family would put that in a container or a bag.

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I can't have open air shit in there unless it's.

[Kevin Ryan]

They're big. They're big open air people. Really? Yeah. Wow.

[H. Foley]

Gotta seal that in sealing the flavor. It's tasting like other stuff that's in there there.

[Kevin Ryan]

Freaks.

[H. Foley]

Whoa.

[Kevin Ryan]

Freaky deaky baby mixing or everything smells like cutlet. We also man. So the. The pan. Our frying pans have been a big point of contention at my house.

[H. Foley]

The Teflon. What are you doing? So listen gets in you.

[Kevin Ryan]

What the. Maybe she had pampered chef. Maybe they were pampered chef. But she was get. She got it at she. It was a tan one with like a bra like a brushed bronze handle. And she got it at home goods which is bunk. It's got a bad coating on it. Something this thing. Eggs were sticking to this thing. It didn't matter if you put butter, Vaseline, anything. Eggs were Sticking to this thing. I like to cook my eggies in the morning.

[H. Foley]

I know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Well aware. Well documented. Welcome to the show, YouTube.

[H. Foley]

We have a set of stainless steel pans we bought.

[Kevin Ryan]

We bought one. That thing you got to get to.

[H. Foley]

Like the level of the sun, 7,000 degrees into the water test. And then you can put the stuff in there and it won'.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get out of here.

[H. Foley]

I don't have that in me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Give me. Call me the Teflon.

[H. Foley]

That's too dangerous.

[Kevin Ryan]

I want the microplastics. Have Dupont make it. I want non sticking slide right off there. So in a. In a heated. So I go, hey, you gotta get. We gotta get a new pan. This pan fucking sucks, right? This is a few months ago. She goes, I got a new pan. I was gonna be on the road or something. I'm like, great. I'm gonna go back, make some scrambies. It's the same pan, just a different color. And I went, it's the same freaking pan and it's sticking. Can't stand you.

[H. Foley]

You put butter in there. In the oil?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, yeah, I've tried it all. I don't do butter anymore. I got them off the butter.

[H. Foley]

Got to do half oil, half butter.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hey, guy.

[H. Foley]

Hey, that's Gordon Ramsay. That ain't me. Which I didn't know he played soccer professionally.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did he? I didn't know either. I just blacked out. You know what my. You know what my. I'm thinking of Rod Stewart.

[Mike]

No, Gordon Ramsay was not a professional football player.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's no way you were that good of a. You gotta choose, Elaine. Also.

[H. Foley]

Johnny. YouTube over here.

[Kevin Ryan]

Is it me or was Elton John also an astrophysicist? Is that true? Can you look that up?

[H. Foley]

Elton John's real name.

[Kevin Ryan]

Go, Gary. YouTube. No, John Elton. Elton Brand John.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

Okay.

[H. Foley]

Got a book report in a couple hours. I seen him the other day at a regular restaurant sitting outside Pain and change.

[Kevin Ryan]

You believe that guy got it with that much cash?

[H. Foley]

He's just at a restaurant. I want to say it was in Italy or something like that.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, I thought you saw him like in the city.

[H. Foley]

I would have called it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Said you saw them at a restaurant.

[H. Foley]

Called you from there. You're not gonna believe who the is sitting next to me.

[Kevin Ryan]

Can't be looking at the Smith.

[H. Foley]

Wait, you just said a little gem sees.

[Kevin Ryan]

You saw him?

[H. Foley]

I seen him on the Internet video.

[Kevin Ryan]

Of him at a restaurant. Okay. Yeah, okay.

[H. Foley]

Just sitting down outside of the restaurant. That crazy that he could still go out to restaurants. Elton John Forget he'd be taking all his meals at the house.

[Mike]

Born Reginald Kenneth Dwight.

[H. Foley]

That's right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now, you know, I was gonna say.

[H. Foley]

Samuel something, but I think that's Mark Twain.

[Kevin Ryan]

What was I saying?

[Mike]

Pampered Chef pans.

[H. Foley]

I said, I never even heard that. Sounds like a shitty brand.

[Mike]

The first thing that comes up when you Google it. What is the lawsuit against Pampered Chef?

[Kevin Ryan]

What? It was ruining my burning eggs.

[Mike]

Multiple, it seems like.

[Kevin Ryan]

About what?

[H. Foley]

What?

[Kevin Ryan]

That's why they're at home Goods data.

[Mike]

Sharing lawsuit, defective knife sharpening, trademark infringement, product liability, wrongful death.

[H. Foley]

Holy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I almost killed my wife.

[H. Foley]

Those data leaks, though.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that. They don't have my. I mean, we bought it through home goods. Pampered Chef. Listen, they ain't got my credit card data leaks.

[H. Foley]

This guy really likes his eggs, huh?

[Kevin Ryan]

Five eggs this morning. Jesus Christ. You fat.

[H. Foley]

That's what gets out there. Why? Come on.

[Kevin Ryan]

Why? Bro, I've been lying. Say I've been doing three eggs. The story. Story breaks. I really been doing five. And I am using butter.

[H. Foley]

Pseudo successful podcaster Kevin Ryan has been lying about his 3 egg consumption.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've been doing the avocado spray from Whole Foods.

[H. Foley]

That's no good for you. It's got the aerosol in it.

[Kevin Ryan]

I said, you know what? We're. I can't do this anymore.

[H. Foley]

Go out and buy yourself your own pan.

[Kevin Ryan]

I did Hex class.

[H. Foley]

Who?

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, good stuff.

[H. Foley]

Not a Marvel character.

[Kevin Ryan]

Captain American Shield. I'm making scrambies on it.

[H. Foley]

Hexclad.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, they're big. I think Tommy Pope was pushing them.

[H. Foley]

Right?

[Kevin Ryan]

It's like a big brain.

[H. Foley]

Top of the line. Tommy uses it, buddy.

[Kevin Ryan]

I hit this with one little, little spray. My Scramby cologne. But Polo Sport, this thing is. Yeah, it's like a girl on a motorcycle. It's slipping all over the place. Wait, why doesn't that make them wet? The vibration.

[H. Foley]

Oh, yeah. I never say.

[Kevin Ryan]

Now I'm crazy, huh? Welcome to the show.

[H. Foley]

I never thought about that.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's all I think about.

[H. Foley]

I wish I was a guy that could ride a motorcycle and have a chick on the backs hanging on.

[Kevin Ryan]

You'd be a. You'd be one of the trike. Guys. Guys. If we're being honest, No.

[H. Foley]

I would be skinny in this fantasy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

I also wouldn't be man enough to ride a motorcycle.

[Kevin Ryan]

No. I saw two guys on a motorcycle yesterday. It seemed looked like a guy and his dad, and I didn't know how I felt.

[H. Foley]

On the same motorcycle.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. The dad was on the Back. Well, I would not.

[H. Foley]

Was he hugged up or was he leaning back? Because they could have been running to the shop or something. Did he have a whale tail? Was he sticking it out with a tramp stamp on the back, flashing his tits?

[Kevin Ryan]

His. His wiener was on his butt. They were close. I would not want my dad that close to me. That's what I do know, that even if we were speaking, I wouldn't want him that close to me. Even if we redeemed rekindle our relationship. Yeah, it's a little too close for something.

[H. Foley]

The barber rubs up against your hand. That.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, get.

[H. Foley]

Hey, take it easy, Earl.

[Kevin Ryan]

Get your balls off me. Shoulder tall barber. Hello, chair. All right, let's see here. This one's just funny. This is from Lemon with Lime. Ten dollar Whore. Never have one red. Is it garbage? When I was 16, I bought crossbow on Amazon because I was a big fan of the Walking Dead. That's a guy looking for a personality who's going. You know what I'm saying? Crossbows.

[H. Foley]

Crossbows are cool though.

[Kevin Ryan]

They kind of hit a little bit. We could get them at flea markets.

[H. Foley]

No kidding. Like a legit. Like go through your crossbow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, they weren't. They'd fight. I mean, they, they would. I. The darts were a little dull. A little more dull hurts you more. You remember like the. I don't know. The only thing I can refer to is like a archery arrow where it's had like a little stainless steel tip on it, but it wasn't like. It was like rounded.

[H. Foley]

A little metal tip.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

You talking about the classic. The classic archery red bow that you get at like Walmart? Those things were pretty sweet. You'd never watch those things in the air.

[Kevin Ryan]

I never. I can. I mean, I didn't have this arm, but the only time I was like a kid, I. I couldn't like get it.

[H. Foley]

Not even a regular. I'm not talking about a compound bow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, compound bows are easy, aren't they? That's why they're compound. Compound bows. Come back.

[Mike]

I thought they were harder, kind of.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

You don't know?

[Mike]

I mean, all the drawstring, like the weight of the drawstring. So it's like somewhere like 80 pound bows. You need 80 pounds to pull back.

[Kevin Ryan]

Let's say this guy said 150 pound.

[Mike]

Yeah, those are.

[H. Foley]

I mean, that's 150 pound crossbow.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't think.

[H. Foley]

Go right through you, take down a rhino.

[Kevin Ryan]

What are you talking about?

[H. Foley]

Zombie. At least. What is the crossbow used for there's not a specific thing, is it? Other than killing zombies? Do people go crossbow hunting?

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

Right. You got two of them.

[Kevin Ryan]

Zombies and vampires. That's what you got to take out?

[H. Foley]

Yeah. I feel like that's all it's for.

[Kevin Ryan]

What do you got?

[Mike]

Crossbow hunting is a popular method of hunting.

[H. Foley]

Really?

[Mike]

Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Huh.

[Kevin Ryan]

Seems like it. I don't. I don't understand, like, the whole handgun version.

[H. Foley]

Yeah, I get it.

[Mike]

Easier to learn and master than a traditional bow.

[H. Foley]

Chewbacca used a crossbow. A laser crossbow, though. I don't take out a. I'll take out a hog.

[Kevin Ryan]

You really have to wind that up, though. That don't make sense. Technology wise, I feel like he did.

[H. Foley]

That's.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean, that don't make no freaking sense. Right? That's bad writing.

[H. Foley]

I feel like he did have to cock it. Nah, he couldn't have. I think it just looked like a crossbow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[H. Foley]

I don't know.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't like that. Not a fan.

[H. Foley]

He said gorilla. What do you want from him?

[Kevin Ryan]

He's been doing the best of what he's got. All right, let's see here. This one's from little Rigatoni Stinger. Never had one. Red. Is it garbage if your mom still drinks Sunny D instead of orange juice? Crazy, man.

[H. Foley]

Her esophagus is rotted out.

[Kevin Ryan]

Her teeth are going too. That stuff takes the enamel off.

[H. Foley]

That's got to be freezing cold.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's wild. That's like, also the stuff that's, like, fortified. It's like, now fortified. And you feel it. You guy. There's a. There's a film in this. That's not natural. Yeah. Damn.

[H. Foley]

Vitamin X.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's crazy. This one's the same thing. This or Pack Rat.

[H. Foley]

This is.

[Kevin Ryan]

What's the earliest big. This will be a big debate. What's the earliest you can have a Coke without being garbage? I don't think the Rockefellers are having it for breakfast.

[H. Foley]

Oh, the earliest in the dance. I meant earliest in your life.

[Kevin Ryan]

No.

[H. Foley]

Wow. I might push back on that a little bit. Some of these super rich guys, business guys, are pretty addicted to Diet Cokes. They might do Diet Cokes in the morning with their eggs. With their egg white omelette.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would still make it trash. I mean that. Just because they got the money and they're some. You know. Listen, I do that lunch. It's got to be. It's gotta be lunch. It's gotta. I would say maybe. You're up early. Listen, when we. When I was back, I was Working good junction. You take your lunch at like 10 o' clock because you start at fucking.

[H. Foley]

Six and you were hunky.

[Kevin Ryan]

So I would say if your lunch I after, it's got to be 10 o' clock on and it's got to be.

[H. Foley]

I'd say it's got to be after 11:30.

[Kevin Ryan]

But what if you're taking long? What? What if your day started at 6?

[H. Foley]

Doesn't matter. It's still 10 o'. Clock. It's still 10 o' clock in the morning. Get him suited.

[Kevin Ryan]

You can't be doing a fucking. A sunny D and a hoogie. That'll ruin it.

[H. Foley]

I'll give you iced tea.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh?

[H. Foley]

I'll give you coffee. More Coffee. It's 10 o' clock in the morning.

[Kevin Ryan]

Coffee and a fucking meatball hero.

[H. Foley]

I actually don't mind it. The older I get, the more I like having coffee with a meal.

[Kevin Ryan]

I know, but listen, they're not saying you again. This is for society, not what you like. We have to draw a line for the good people out there.

[H. Foley]

Fair enough, fair enough.

[Kevin Ryan]

You get a. Listen, it's not classy, but you get a pass. If you're working construction and your. And your lunch is at fucking 10:15, I got to give you a pass.

[H. Foley]

All right.

[Kevin Ryan]

You're a fucking. You're a hard working guy. You're fucking welding.

[H. Foley]

Thank you.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm not talking to you.

[H. Foley]

Diesel. Give me a Coke.

[Kevin Ryan]

Wait times 10:15, I got to give you that. But yeah, I would say after 11 and it's got to be. It can't be breakfast food. Although I eat it for breakfast.

[H. Foley]

What's the latest that you can have coffee till you're trash or a psych.

[Kevin Ryan]

I mean like if you're like a fucking. If you're working overnight. A lot goes into that air traffic controller type shit.

[H. Foley]

You know how much coffee they put away or if that's like what they did in the 70s.

[Kevin Ryan]

That's probably more. I mean you do a fucking.

[H. Foley]

Can't be all jittery doing that shit now.

[Kevin Ryan]

There's also so many better forms of caffeine.

[H. Foley]

I think it's five hour energy.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, just Adderall, cocaine, root beer or something like that, you know.

[H. Foley]

No caffeine and root beer.

[Kevin Ryan]

Whatever. Ginger ale?

[H. Foley]

No, caffeine and ginger.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've started naming the ones that don't have it. I gotcha.

[H. Foley]

Sprite. No caffeine. Seven Up. No caffeine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sunny day.

[H. Foley]

No caffeine.

[Kevin Ryan]

I don't know.

[H. Foley]

No, can't be caffeine and Orange juice, Diet Sprite.

[Kevin Ryan]

I. My mom, man, that stuff had a. I was, like, eating a fire.

[H. Foley]

I had one last week. Not good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Crazy.

[H. Foley]

Not good. You tasted the diet so much, and I don't know what it is. It's so bad.

[Mike]

Such a difference. It's crazy. It's like the biggest difference in diet soda.

[H. Foley]

Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

Truly.

[H. Foley]

Thanks.

[Kevin Ryan]

Truly stinks.

[H. Foley]

Regular Sprite. All right. Diet Sprite. No good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. I don't. We were always a big Coke and spread my dad. Line of Coke. Line of Sprite down the. Down the fridge.

[H. Foley]

Would he do a Sprite?

[Kevin Ryan]

Oh, yeah. He crushed up ice. Really? Oh. Real dad style. We had. We had, like, not. They weren't solo cups. They were the super fresh brand. Huh? America's choice. They were America's choice. You'd buy, like, the fifth. The clear cups, but, like, a solo. But clear. He'd fill that up with crushed ice and then, like, really build Bill Nye the Science Guy. Beaker it in there to get. You know, and keep the.

[H. Foley]

Keep the can, like, halfway.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, right there.

[H. Foley]

I never.

[Kevin Ryan]

With a plate of, like, goldfish or, like, pretzel goldfish or whatever. Take it out, sit down, read the paper, watch whatever, Crank a heater. A big heater on the couch. Family.

[H. Foley]

I never saw my father drink a Sprite in my whole life. Never. I've seen him drink root beer, diet root beer, cream soda, Birch beer.

[Kevin Ryan]

No, you got, like, soda.

[H. Foley]

Coca Cola.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure.

[H. Foley]

Never a Sprite. Chocolate soda. That's diet root beer. That was the big thing. Diet root beer.

[Kevin Ryan]

This is. This is from Tombow in the world of soda. $10, homie. Here are you garbage. If you fill up your fountain soda, take a swig off the top for quality assurance. Let me finish. Then refill the cup before leaving. Bonus points if you're making the person behind you wait while you do all that. That's. That's this. That I dig. I feel pressure when that's the case. I feel a lot of pressure.

[H. Foley]

You have to. You sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

But you feel like such a fat ass when you're gulping it and someone's just, like, twiddling their thumbs and you're like, I'm sorry. I just, like, chewed it. There was nothing. There was nothing better than my last day job when I was working for that interior designer. I.

[H. Foley]

You had a soda machine.

[Kevin Ryan]

Guy was doing pretty good. There's a Chipotle right around.

[H. Foley]

Chipotle.

[Kevin Ryan]

I would treat myself when I had two, three bucks in my pocket.

[H. Foley]

Mr. Pibs Extra.

[Kevin Ryan]

It was payday. I'd sit There. I. I would. I would angle to get a spot close to the soda machine. Because I'm in. I lean back.

[H. Foley]

You're just eating there. You pulled a chair up there.

[Kevin Ryan]

They got the tables. You can't move, though. They're all bolted down.

[H. Foley]

And sure, that's throwing them around.

[Kevin Ryan]

Hi. I. Because that's how Kip. That's kippy at his. I would do a big bowl with a side of chippies if I was being a real bad.

[H. Foley]

You're doing. You're doing out of the cup. You're not doing the straw right out of.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. That's how you really regulate the right amount of. I. Man. I would paint my. I would walk out of there hurting so bad. I would consume. I'd probably consume. I probably consume 56 ounces of Diet Coke, a bag of chips, and I'm talking a heavy bike bowl.

[H. Foley]

Human beings.

[Kevin Ryan]

And I would do.

[H. Foley]

I'd be sitting there hurting human beings. Should not have a. Should not be allowed access to the fountain soda. No.

[Kevin Ryan]

I've become a worse person once they've got on the other side of the counter for sure.

[H. Foley]

Man. Talk about not giving this. Just put it over there. But thank God for it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Do free refills. I remember. Can I have a refill walking up to the counter? You mean it here? You, like, cut the line.

[H. Foley]

Refill. I don't remember that I would do that. They give you refills.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, Like a Burger King or something before they were on be you know, before they put them in gen pop. Why do you think they bolted them seats down at fast food? Rejoin all jacked up on Mr. Pib and Root beer.

[H. Foley]

Would you ever do a nest tea? Would you ever do an iced tea at the fountain?

[Kevin Ryan]

Such a waste. What am I, an athlete? Get out of here.

[H. Foley]

It never really hits that right out of the fountain.

[Kevin Ryan]

Did I ever tell you that we were. My grandmother. I don't know if I ever told my. I might have just told you or I never told you. My grandma was in hospice. We were all there down ashore and we moved into the place down ashore. Yeah.

[H. Foley]

Where she went.

[Kevin Ryan]

Huh.

[H. Foley]

Wow.

[Kevin Ryan]

Also shout out to this dude. They might. So my. My grandparents lived in a small town outside Ocean City called Seaville.

[H. Foley]

Right.

[Kevin Ryan]

Right offshore. This kid hit me up. Not a fan of the show. But he goes, my mom is a huge fan of the show. I guess she has no way of getting to us. So she's got him DMing me going, what street did you. What street were your grandpa. She. He's like, oh, My mom's asking me what street your grandparents lived on. He goes, was it off of old Stagecoach Avenue? I'm like, it was. I mean, it's fucking three streets in there, but. Shout out to you Mrs. Be at the. She was at the Atlantic City show.

[H. Foley]

Nice.

[Kevin Ryan]

We moved in with. We like, moved in because we're a clan. There's like a hundred of us. So there was a group like 40 that were there heavy. And we ordered a bunch of pizza from, like, a bad joint down it came, super greasy. And I remember I was.

[H. Foley]

I got more Urinaspas.

[Kevin Ryan]

What?

[H. Foley]

Three more.

[Kevin Ryan]

So we're like, out there cranking heaters. We're drinking coffee.

[H. Foley]

It's like posted up in a hospital. Sure.

[Kevin Ryan]

They made room like, like the cafeteria room was like. Like our. Like, we took over. And I mean, we have boxes of pizza. That pizza like heavy cheese. I'm not talking low moisture mods either. I'm talking high moisture mods. You know what I mean?

[H. Foley]

Like, the top of the box is greasy. You gotta. You got a grease part of the top of the box.

[Kevin Ryan]

And my cousin, who at the time was on the World cup team, huh? And he's dabbing his pizza. And I remember I was dressed. I was. When I was selling roofs door to door. I have like a pair of slacks on, like a huge, huge polo, but, like, not tucked in. A polo I stole from Phil. I remember dress shoe, like, baggy. Like, I am like, no gel in my. I am a fat. I'm on my fifth slice.

[H. Foley]

How you doing that?

[Kevin Ryan]

And I'm like, oh, look at you dabbing your pizza. And like, I like, tried to hit my. I hit my cousin. And they started. My uncle started laughing at him. Like, meanwhile, he is a world class. And he's. He's looking at me, he's like, dude, you probably like, you sell roofs door to door and you stink at that.

[H. Foley]

He pulled your shoulder.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm drinking coffee and eating pizza, eating a cigarette. It was like, I just. I look back at that and be like, what did he think when I was like, he died me. You, pizza. Well, guy's an Olympian.

[Mike]

Your grease is dripping onto your lap and your slacks.

[Kevin Ryan]

I'm rubbing my shirt.

[H. Foley]

Give me that napkin when you're done.

[Kevin Ryan]

I was standing up eating pizza, too. I didn't even sit. I remember standing up, standing over the boxer.

[H. Foley]

Just pretty good.

[Kevin Ryan]

Just talk about not getting it. Just trashing a guy for dabbing his pizza. That's what. But, like, that makes me. I would never back to the iced tea. That's such a waste.

[H. Foley]

You're relating that to dabbing the pizza.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah. Because I said I'm not an athlete. Only in my head. Only athletes to have their pizza. They're the only ones that are allowed to. To. I will say a dab with a. It's got to be a paper towel. It's got to be a real greasy thing. And it. You can get it to the perfect consistency if you really know how to work it. If you can get it. Sometimes you get a lot of grease off and it's like super dry. That's when it's got good texture.

[H. Foley]

I've never done it once.

[Kevin Ryan]

Really?

[H. Foley]

No.

[Kevin Ryan]

You should try.

[H. Foley]

That's what. That's the piece I missed.

[Kevin Ryan]

It's.

[H. Foley]

I've only ever seen Reuben Pfeffer do it.

[Kevin Ryan]

Sure. Sometimes they'll do it like a dollar slice joint, and they got the real thin napkins and that thing disappears when you throw it on there. It's just. You're like, what, though? You can't find it?

[H. Foley]

You end up eating the Trident wrapper. Yeah.

[Kevin Ryan]

You end up eating it disappeared like a list of that. All right, but we gotta wrap it up, gang.

[H. Foley]

What a fun one.

[Kevin Ryan]

Yeah, man.

[H. Foley]

Gang, we love you to death. And we'll see you next week.

[Kevin Ryan]

Peace.