Are You Garbage? — "Jim Gaffigan Returns!"
Podcast Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley
Guest: Jim Gaffigan
Release Date: November 24, 2025
Episode Overview
In this hilarious and laid-back episode, legendary comedian Jim Gaffigan returns to "Are You Garbage?" for another round of banter, life reflections, and, of course, the signature “garbage test.” Hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan pepper Gaffigan with probing (and absurd) questions to determine just how “garbage” he remains, diving into topics like food habits, family dynamics, and fast food rankings while keeping the laughs coming. Gaffigan also discusses his new YouTube special, "Live from Old Forester, the Bourbon Set," and shares his evolving attitudes towards garbage culture, parenting, and the finer (and not so fine) things in life.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
Butter, Peanut Butter, and Food on the Counter
- Leaving butter out: Gaffigan reveals he's now a “leave the butter out guy” after being previously conditioned to put it in the fridge. He says,
“Baby likes his butter soft. So it gets right to the melting.” — Jim Gaffigan [02:31]
- Childhood food memories: Peanut butter was left out, but butter often went in the fridge to avoid flies and cigarette smoke.
- Salted butter: All agree that if it’s out, it needs to be salted (“Come on. Yeah, right.” — Gaffigan [03:14]).
Relationships, Gender Stereotypes, and Household Roles
- Gaffigan jokingly sets forth the “guy equation”: “All a guy needs is respect and food. That’s all he needs.” [03:23]
- Admits his wife Jeannie “runs the show,” managing household logistics while he’s the “pussy” [03:54].
- Parenting as comedians is “not from this planet” but “a bad mess” they love [04:19, 04:43].
- Gaffigan relishes his solo time on the road, likening it to being stranded (happily) on a deserted island [05:23].
Living Arrangements & Raising Kids in Tight Spaces
- Gaffigan recounts the craziness of raising five kids in a two-bedroom New York apartment:
“My wife was constantly pregnant, so…she’s in nesting mode. She doesn’t want to, like, move.” [06:18]
Grocery Shopping & Food Delivery
- Gaffigan uses food delivery services but prefers shopping himself for quality reasons:
“…you’re paying a surcharge for someone to deliver an unripe avocado.” [07:13]
- His wife is careful to avoid food waste; he prefers a surplus for “two teenage boys always eating” [07:52].
Ham Preferences & Food Brand Philosophy
- No honey or maple ham:
“Maple syrup is sugar spit. Let’s be serious.” [08:33]
- Prefers deli-sliced, thinly cut ham, but will settle for Tupperware-packaged if needed [09:16].
- Tupperware ham is “a guy with an opinion on Tupperware ham” — classic "garbage" material [10:12].
Hidden Dad Treats & Parenting “Criminals”
- Gaffigan hides his good bourbon from his kids (“Children are criminals…you’re living with criminals”) and discusses how teenagers always find a way to sneak things past parents [11:45].
- On looking back at teenage years:
“Teenagers are a handful. Even the best ones at times are a problem.” [12:32]
Athletic Competition with His Kids
- His 21-year-old is now taller than him (6’2”), and his 14-year-old is “getting close to 6'” — but Gaffigan is still called in to do heavy lifting (“like carrying your brother out in the military” [13:44]).
Childhood Celebrity Encounters
- Most famous person he met as a kid? Jimmy Walker from "Good Times"—complete with a “dynamite” bucket hat. He also sported Mork & Mindy rainbow suspenders [14:39-15:36].
Demographics & Audience Experiences
- Gaffigan talks about live event crowds:
“The entire stadium is white people, and all the players are black. This stadium is exactly Jim Gaffigan’s Democrats.” [16:28]
Memorable Quotes & Classic Gaffigan Moments
- “I’m just saying, like, all a guy needs is respect and food. That’s all he needs.” — Jim Gaffigan [03:23]
- “I have too many kids.” — Jim Gaffigan [05:08]
- “Children are criminals. Of course. You’re living with criminals.” — Jim Gaffigan [11:45]
- “Maple syrup is sugar spit. Let’s be serious.” — Jim Gaffigan [08:33]
- “Baby likes his butter soft.” — Jim Gaffigan [02:31]
- “There should be too much cream cheese [on a bagel].” — Jim Gaffigan [53:45]
- “It’s just Heinz, all right? There are certain things that should be a monopoly. It’s like, look, we don’t have more than one army…” — Jim Gaffigan [46:44]
Food: Preferences, Rants, and Hierarchies
Fast Food Rankings
- Top Spots: Shake Shack > Wendy’s (sometimes Culver’s) > McDonald’s > Burger King
- “Shake Shack is the best.” — Jim Gaffigan [41:46]
- Consistency is key: “The most inconsistent fast food place is Burger King.” [43:09]
- Burger King’s breakfast (“croissants, bacon egg and cheese…eggs are fluffy, cheese is good”) is “one of the best” even if their main menu is too inconsistent [45:53].
Ketchup, Mustard, Mayonnaise
- Ketchup must be Heinz. “Don’t make your own ketchup,” Gaffigan says to restaurants [47:22].
- On mustard, he prefers French’s; mayonnaise, Hellmann’s (Duke’s and Mike’s get honorable mention) [48:18, 49:20, 49:33].
- “If you like Miracle Whip, it just means you like sugar.” [48:26]
Breads:
- Loves biscuits (“underappreciated”), cornbread, English muffin; hates croissants (“too much of a mess”) [49:47-50:51].
- Bagel order: “Everything bagel, scooped and toasted—with too much cream cheese” [52:24, 53:33].
Cereal, Steak, and Random Food Habits
- “Cereal is now considered this great poison… but back then it was a form of independence” [24:22].
- Prefers steak medium rare but is trending towards medium due to age [25:50].
- Smith & Wollensky’s is a favorite steakhouse; whiskey bars are a new passion (“your whiskey mentor”) [28:01, 30:29].
Ordering and Delivery Frustrations
- Hates room service and delivery apps messing up orders, feels old yelling about it:
“Do I sound like a prick?” (on demanding correct orders) [37:38]
- Service and food quality at airports enrages him — especially bagels at O’Hare [33:22], LaGuardia [51:48], and Newark [59:11].
Garbage Test: Pizza, Sweet vs. Savory, Regional Grievances
- Pizza allegiance: Domino’s thin crust is his go-to for “functional” pizza, but he loves Prince Street and Detroit styles for taste [56:07].
- Hates sweet flavors with savory (e.g., maple ham, hot honey on pizza):
“Keep your sweetness away from my pizza. I hate that.” [57:04]
- Pancakes: puts butter (maybe powdered sugar) — never syrup [54:59].
- “When I take over this country, the first thing I’m going to do…all the maple syrup, it’s gone. We’re going to dump it in the Gulf of Mexico.” [54:38]
Sports, Fame, and Freebies
- Gaffigan shares how sometimes he gets comped tickets by venues he’s performed at, but also occasionally buys tickets like a regular guy for the Mets with his kids [21:53].
- Has declined Cubs World Series tickets, believing they “belong to real fans” [23:24].
Airports and Traveling Pet Peeves
- On airport restaurants: “It breaks my heart. I’m like, oh, you’ve ruined it.” [32:13]
- Sad state of bagels at airports (“I felt like I should report it to someone.” [33:22])
- Delivery and ride-sharing apps have made everything more complicated for staff and customers [37:49].
Parenting Musings
- Teenagers at home take everything, including his clothes and “hidden” bourbon [10:34-11:36].
- New York living with five kids is “crazy” but reminiscent of earlier generations [06:26].
- “You don’t realize till you’re gone…this is America.” Gaffigan, on recognizing small daily details like cream-cheese-on-a-bagel quality [52:56].
Notable Timestamps
- Butter debate & household rules: 02:02 – 04:56
- Ham preferences & food delivery: 08:18 – 10:12
- Kids stealing bourbon & parenting: 10:16 – 14:14
- Famous childhood encounters: 14:34 – 15:36
- Cereal & breakfast lore: 24:14 – 25:29
- Fast food rankings and rants: 41:14 – 46:11
- Bread discussion and bagel grievances: 49:40 – 53:59
- Pizza: thin crust, bad honey: 56:07 – 57:16
Conclusion & Final Verdict
Jim Gaffigan remains gloriously, relatably "garbage"—embracing everyday food quirks, failed delivery orders, junk drawer mentalities, and humble Midwestern roots, even as fame and fortune let him choose a nice fridge and the right bourbon. He leaves no cliché unroasted but confirms the power of authenticity in comedy and daily life.
“Still 100% garbage. Trash.” — Kevin Ryan [60:41]
“Now you have to…go watch ‘The Bourbon Set.’” — Jim Gaffigan [60:48]
Final Notes
- Watch Jim Gaffigan’s “Live from Old Forester, The Bourbon Set” on YouTube
- Key takeaways: Leave the butter out, always check the bag for your Tupperware ham, beware of sweet with savory, and never trust a room-temperature bagel from the airport.
- Classic "Are You Garbage?" tone: Honest, irreverent, and full of food-based self-deprecation.