Are You Garbage? Comedy Podcast

Episode: "Jordan Jensen, Queen of Trash"

Hosts: Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

Guest: Jordan Jensen

Date: September 11, 2025

Episode Overview

In this hilarious and candid episode of Are You Garbage?, comedians Kevin Ryan and H. Foley welcome back Jordan Jensen, a fan-favorite guest and reigning "Queen of Garbage." Known for her outrageous stories and unfiltered honesty, Jordan is put through the ringer once more to determine just how "garbage" she really is.

With discussions ranging from creative wedding gifts and scrapping in junkyards to unconventional hygiene practices and childhood toys, this episode is a wild ride through Jordan's chaotic—and endearingly trashy—life. The trio dig into her past and present, including mental health adventures, questionable culinary habits, and classic "garbage" behavior. Along the way, plenty of laughs, memorable quotes, and moments of brutal honesty abound.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Catching Up With Jordan Jensen (02:30–04:10, 21:40–22:07)

• New Projects: Jordan talks about her new Netflix comedy special, Take Me With You, filmed at New York’s Gramercy Theatre.
  • "[It's] called Take Me With You...Go watch it." — Jordan Jensen (02:55)
• Matchbox Cars & Childhood Play: Jordan reminisces about creating complex soap opera storylines with toy cars instead of Barbies.
  • Pipes, a Ford F150, was the "bad boy" car in her childhood world (04:27).
• Living Situation Updates:
  • Still in the same (broken-doored) apartment, does most of her own repairs but draws the line at doors (20:31–20:49).
  • Her motorcycle was recently stolen, which she calls a "stress relief" (21:07).

2. Trashy Adventures & Oddball Habits

Early Life, Scrap Yards, and Scams (05:01–06:21)

• Grew up spending time in junkyards and scrap metal yards; describes childhood as "almost getting run over at the scrap metal yard" (05:31).
• Describes a scam in New York where she would sneak junk into industrial dumps to avoid paying fees.

Living Dangerous & Mental Health Tangents (06:26–07:12; 54:53–58:54)

• Shares mental health hacks like drawing with her non-dominant hand or planning to try ketamine.
• "I've been so depressed, I'm trying to activate the other hemisphere in my brain." — Jordan Jensen (06:26)
• Talks openly about Effexor-induced sweat and a callus in her armpit: "You could knock on it." (06:54)

3. Partying, Sobriety & Poppers (07:55–09:39)

• Claims she's sober but "did poppers at a wedding in Alaska," then got lost in the grass for five minutes (07:55–08:16).
• Hilarious confusion over the effects of poppers and whippets.
  • "It made me a gay man, though... it was like my credit score went up." — Jordan Jensen (08:50)
• Attended a hippie Alaskan fisherpeople’s wedding, mural painting as a gift

4. The Alaska Wedding Saga (11:00–14:30)

• Gift-Giving: Brought no gift, but painted a photo backdrop mural instead.
  • "I flew seven hours to get to your wedding...you're not getting a gift." — Jordan Jensen (14:21)
• Wedding Attire: Proudly wore a vintage suit; avoids dresses ("feel like Eleanor Roosevelt").
• Guests and Food: Brought her dog, danced "hard on poppers," and sampled wild-caught salmon and moose (16:43–17:26).

5. Being "Garbage": Money, Cars, and Everyday Life

Cash & Banking Habits (15:04–16:06)

• Carries rough-looking $100 bills, doesn't use ATMs, likes the name "Popular Bank."
• Occasional Capital One Cafe patron (16:04).
• Has a penchant for carrying gum (15:22).

Living Arrangements & Transportation (20:13–21:40, 32:24–33:01)

• Uses a switchblade daily to get out of her broken-door apartment.
  • "It's how I get out of my house because my door is broken." — Jordan Jensen (20:16)
• Motorcycle theft as a blessing; no insurance, no big deal.
• Bought a sensible VW Tiguan after paying off $64k in student loans to boost her credit score.

Car Cleanliness and Food Practices (38:46–39:29)

• No fast food fries in car, but admits to tuna and sardine cans everywhere.
• "Me and my dog share the tuna can together." — Jordan Jensen (38:56)
• Once peed in her pants in the woods by mistake and left the soiled pants in her car.

6. Garbage Litmus Test: Habits & Hygiene

Restaurant Opinions & Eating Habits (22:58–24:45)

• Avoids "fancy" restaurants, prefers quick salad chains (Sweetgreen), hates modern "service culture."
  • "I hate the whole service world...You used to be able to just, like, order what you want..." — Jordan Jensen (24:01)
• Eats mostly tuna, sometimes sardines, prefers wild-caught.
• Shops at expensive, offensive "Union Market" in NYC.

Dressing & Laundry (26:11–27:41)

• Does “sock-shoe-sock-shoe,” blames ADHD.
• Admits to changing pants without removing shoes, and sometimes gets stuck (26:52–26:58).

Bathroom Habits (29:13–30:13)

• Toilet paper: balls, doesn’t fold—“ball has many edges”
• Loops and balls methods described enthusiastically.

Hygiene & Stink (30:23–30:47)

• Post-breakup, stopped wearing deodorant because she "likes her own stink."
  • "I'm stinky, but I like the stink." — Jordan Jensen (30:30)
• Candid discussion about BO, liking the "human smell," and calling out halitosis in other comics.

7. Childhood Nostalgia & Toys (33:33–36:42)

• Favorite "As Seen on TV" products: Raves about a disappointing Marvin’s Magic Drawing Board (33:33–34:37).

• Sand Art & Boondoggle: Loves both, including making endless friendship bracelets (35:11–35:38).

  • "Boondoggle...you guys don't know what boondoggle is?" — Jordan Jensen (35:18)

• Hemp & Shark Tooth Necklaces: Wore hemp necklaces in third grade. Never owned a shark’s tooth, but "kissed boys who did" (37:29–38:01).

8. The Garbage Quiz Continues

Phone Anxiety & OCD (42:05–42:46)

• Never answers unknown calls, even from friends; follows up with texts instead.
  • "I don't want to get trapped on the phone. It's very claustrophobic." — Jordan Jensen (43:08)
• OCD with water before bed (drinks a jug because she fears choking on Prozac in her sleep) (58:30).
• Takes (and stores) photos of her oven to reassure herself it’s off (59:22–59:38).

9. Health, Dieting & "Yeasty Girl" Struggles (51:43–53:40)

• Details struggles with candida overgrowth, leading to "itchy holes."
  • "For the first time in my life, my vagina is comfortable...It was making me so stupid." — Jordan Jensen (51:56)
• Follows a strict candida diet, eats chia seed pudding with coconut milk and protein powder (53:35–53:43).

10. Rural Life & White Trash Confessions (56:06–57:41)

• Found tranquility at family house upstate, but recounts being banned from the local swimming hole after a chaotic family/dog incident.
  • "And my mom with her giant John Wick pit bulls...my niece wasn't wearing pants...I was like, 'Oh, we are white trash.'" — Jordan Jensen (56:10–57:37)
• Tried to bribe the offended neighbor with store-bought zucchinis, pretending she grew them.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On destination weddings:
  "I flew seven hours to get to your wedding that you decided to have in the middle of nowhere. I’m not. You’re not getting a gift."
  — Jordan Jensen (14:21)

• On sharing food with her dog:
  "Me and my dog share the tuna can together."
  — Jordan Jensen (38:56)

• On deodorant and post-breakup habits:
  "I'm stinky, but I like the stink."
  — Jordan Jensen (30:30) "I get called Stinky a lot... but I like the way I smell."
  — Jordan Jensen (30:34)

• On wedding outfit anxiety:
  "Every time I wear a dress, there’s some other girl at the wedding who chose to wear a suit or a cool jumpsuit or something, and I feel like such a doofus and want to fight her."
  — Jordan Jensen (11:45)

• On child playing:
  "I would buy [toy cars] in relationships and they'd cheat on each other... Pipes was the boy every girl wanted."
  — Jordan Jensen (04:20–04:35)

Segment Timestamps (Select Highlights)

• [02:30] — Jordan introduced as “Queen of Garbage,” discusses Netflix special
• [04:20] — Childhood toy car soap operas
• [05:31] — Growing up in scrap yards
• [07:55] — Doing poppers at an Alaskan wedding
• [14:21] — Defending not bringing a wedding gift
• [16:43] — Eating moose shot in front of its mother at the wedding
• [20:16] — Using a switchblade to escape her apartment
• [26:28] — The sock-shoe-sock-shoe confession
• [30:23] — Rejecting deodorant for natural body odor
• [33:33] — Magic Drawing Board disappointment story
• [38:56] — Sharing tuna cans with her dog
• [43:08] — Phone call anxiety and never picking up
• [51:56] — "Yeasty girl" saga and the candida diet
• [56:10–57:37] — White trash river incident with her family

Tone & Style

• Candid, raunchy, self-deprecating, but heartfelt.
• Guests and hosts aren't afraid of gross-out humor or getting personal about mental health and hygiene.
• Jordan’s honesty and unique perspective bring fresh stories and bold confessions.

Conclusion

By the end, Jordan remains an undisputed garbage queen—shameless, candid, hilariously chaotic, but always authentic. If you love absurd, TMI confessions, hilarious tales from the fringes of polite society, and genuine, unpretentious conversation, this episode is a must-listen.

Recommended Segments:

• [07:55] Poppers & Alaska wedding stories
• [38:46] Car hygiene & tuna can sharing
• [51:43] Candida diet & “yeasty girl” struggles
• [56:10] White trash family drama at the river

Listen if you enjoy:

• Raunchy, unfiltered comedy
• Candid stories of mental health, relationships, and odd childhoods
• A deep dive into America's "garbage" culture, delivered with wit and warmth