Katherine Blanford!

Summary

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Are You Garbage? – Episode with Katherine Blanford (Sept 29, 2025)

Overview

Theme:
Hosts H. Foley and Kevin Ryan welcome comedian Katherine Blanford to determine if she, like them, is "garbage"—a term of endearment for anyone whose upbringing and habits skew more trashy than classy. The episode blends playful interrogations about childhood, family, travel, jobs, and dirtbag traditions, with Katherine’s quick wit and self-deprecating humor shining throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Katherine’s Background: Family, Roots, and Upbringing

• Where She’s From:
  • Grew up in a suburb of Louisville, Kentucky ("Suburbs, suburbs, suburbs! We were in a cul de sac." – Katherine, 04:58)
  • Parents did better financially than other relatives but had deep rural roots (tobacco farming).
• Family Dynamics:
  • Dad: One of ten kids, raised on a tobacco farm. Eventually became a pharmacist after moving to the "big city."
  • Mom: Nurse from Owensboro, Kentucky.
  • "Both my parents grew up on tobacco farms. My dad is one of ten. His brothers are his cousins and his aunt is his stepmom." (Katherine, 05:11)
  • All three kids attended Catholic schools; Katherine describes the local Catholic school community, including the sibling dynamic with her brothers and the fun of having an older brother’s friends bail her out with fake IDs (11:01).

Family Wealth and Trappings

• Modest Middle-Class Comforts:
  • Four-bedroom house, but next to a sod farm, not a pool; parents worked hard night shifts (Mom as a nurse, Dad as Walgreens pharmacist).
  • "He worked night shift at Walgreens most of my childhood." (Katherine, 09:31)
  • The family’s success was relative—well off compared to their more rural kin but not extravagant.

Growing Up Kentucky

• Rural Kentucky Culture:
  • Hilarious confusion over local place names ("Versailles" pronounced "Ver-Sales") and rural practices.
  • Detailed stories about the sod farm and “mass grass” shipped to Japan, turning the leftover mud strips into kids’ slip-and-slides (13:15).
  • Reflections on being part of the “last latchkey generation”—parents at work, kids left to wander and do “Jackass” stunts (14:07).

Sports and School

• Cross-Country Confessions:
  • Only joined cross country because it was no-cut, regularly faked passing out to avoid running, and managed to do it for years.
  • "I started fake passing out...so that somebody would be like, 'We've got one down.'" (Katherine, 21:36)
  • Her mom took her to doctors to investigate, and only years later did her family learn the truth.

Family Vacations & Traditions

• Vacations:

  • Myrtle Beach, Gulf Shores (AL), Destin (FL), Disney World.
  • "Myrtle Beach, baby. Dirty Myrtle." (Katherine, 29:56)
  • "We’re all sleeping in, like, one... my parents have a double bed and the kids have a double bed—we’re typically doing that." (Katherine, 31:33)

• Passport & International Adventures:

  • Only left the US as a kid to visit Canadian relatives for Calgary Stampede—which turned out to be decidedly not family-friendly.
  • Later studied abroad (sort of) in London for the Olympics, which led to a wild tale about living and working in borderline slum conditions with Hungarian and Spanish coworkers. Faked being an official cleaner to sneak into Olympic events (41:13).

Food, First Jobs, and Daily Rituals

• Meals and Groceries:

  • Grocery store: Kroger. Special occasions: Benihana.
  • Childhood treats: Frozen White Castle sliders, TGI Fridays artichoke dip, and improvised nachos (microwave cheese on tortillas).
  • "Vienna sausages...cut those up, put those in SpaghettiOs: Italian dinner!" (Katherine, 52:39)

• First Job:

  • Old Navy Black Friday: Nine hours on a fleece wall, hands bleeding from the material (44:36).
  • Dark humor about pushing predatory credit cards at Old Navy, and the humiliation experienced by customers getting denied credit (45:40).

College, Cars, and Transition to Adulthood

• College:

  • Attended the University of South Carolina in "Sport and Entertainment Management" through the Academic Common Market for in-state tuition (54:00).
  • Noted the regional culture shock: "I thought Kentucky was Southern until I went to South Carolina. That’s old money debutante." (Katherine, 55:25)

• First Car:

  • Champagne-colored Mazda Protege at 16 (58:54).
  • "You whip a Mazda Protege everywhere, dude. A champagne color car." (Katherine, 60:23)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Kentucky Rural Life:

  • "His brothers are his cousins and his aunt is his stepmom." (Katherine, 05:11)

• Cross-Country Antics:

  • "I started fake passing out...so that somebody would be like, 'We’ve got one down.'" – Katherine, 21:36
  • "She did this for four years! Just stop running. Join the chess club or something." – Kevin, 25:22

• International Adventures:

  • "You were an indentured servant for the Olympics with Hungarian guys." – Kevin, 41:13
  • “All these fun experiences, but I never got in lavishly… always like these little back doors.” – Katherine, 41:21

• On Derby Debauchery:

  • "You try and run across the [porta potties] and they’re chucking beer bottles to try and knock you off." (Katherine, 64:58)

• On Parenting & Vaginal Itch Remedies:

  • "You want to take a round brush up there?" – Katherine quoting her mom, 67:54
  • "That’s how she keeps me from getting pregnant. Just use a round brush, honey." (68:13)

• On Breakfast of Champions:

  • "We’d wake up, watch Blue’s Clues for my little brother… then Maury Povich… then Price is Right… and then go outside to the sod field." – Katherine, 53:00

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Timestamped Segment Guide

• Kentucky Roots & Family (04:58–09:38)
• Catholic School, Sibling Dynamics (10:32–11:16)
• Sod Farm Childhood & Latchkey Era (12:05–14:44)
• Cross-Country Fainting & Academic Slacking (20:39–25:55)
• Family Vacations & Benihana Discussions (29:55–31:47; 48:26–50:56)
• Study Abroad/Olympics (Cleaner Scam) (41:13–44:13)
• Old Navy, First Job, and Credit Card Stories (44:36–47:46)
• Sod Farm Kids vs. debutantes at USC (54:00–56:14)
• Derby Porta Potty Run (62:29–65:36)
• Mother’s Home Remedy Anecdote (67:14–68:42)

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Tone & Style: Southern Trashy Pride Meets Urban Sarcasm

The episode maintains the signature "Are You Garbage?" balance of genuine curiosity, friendly roasting, and warmth. Katherine matches the hosts quip for quip, embracing and laughing at the dirtbag traditions of her Kentucky upbringing, her later travels, and her misadventures—whether faking fainting in high school, sneaking into the Olympics with a broom, or running the Kentucky Derby’s infamous porta-potties.

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Verdict

100,000% Garbage – Declared with love and respect by Foley and Ryan, underscoring Katherine’s embrace of her uniquely American, “middle-class with a southern twang,” dirtbag journey.
("Money’s got nothing to do with it. You’re doing fake pass outs in high school." – H. Foley, 62:20)

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Katherine's Plugs

• Podcast: Coastal Idiots (with Shane Torres)
• Upcoming Shows: Minneapolis, Lexington KY, Tulsa
• More Info: "katherineblanford.com for tickets!" (72:06)

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This episode is a hilarious, open-hearted tour through the middle-American, slightly-trashy rites of passage that make Comedian Katherine Blanford, by the hosts’ metric, gloriously "garbage."

Transcript

[A]

Welcome to another exciting edition of Are you Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey everybody out there and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. This is RU Garbage.

[B]

Oh yeah, it's that little show.

[A]

We sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that at the group to be classy or if they're just a big old piece of trash, trash, trash. I'm your host, stage Foley, coming at you on a beautiful day. We're out back here at Tooties in the new edition. She just got back from doing the Rorschach test. Okay, Crazy Mike Hoos is coming at you from right next to me. He is the CEO of RU Garbage. He is an international businessman and my best pal in the whole wide world and I love him. Give it up for KJ Kevin James Ryan, everybody.

[C]

What up, gang? Shout out to you. Thanks for tuning in as always. Please make sure you rate view, subscribe on itunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And our boys are climbing the charts over there.

[A]

Yes, sir.

[C]

And obviously the greatest website of all time, www.patre go over there to get all that bonus content.

[A]

Uh huh. And gang, we couldn't be more excited to have our incredibly, and I mean incredibly special guest here with us today for the first time. She's one of our faves. We've been wanting to have her on the show for a long time. She's a very funny stand up comedian. You can hear her every week at her amazing podcast, Coastal Idiots with our good pal, Mr. Shane Torres.

[C]

Shout out to him.

[A]

Give it up for Katherine Blandford, everybody. There she is. Just flew in from la, baby.

[B]

She said.

[C]

I said, are we so good? She goes, I just landed. That was like an hour ago.

[A]

Actually, she didn't fly in from la. She flew in from Kentucky.

[B]

Kentucky.

[A]

Where she was at a music festival doing mushrooms.

[B]

Doing mushrooms with Pete Lee.

[A]

And now you're. You gotta. You didn't get a hotel. You got a storage unit that you're staying in in midtown Manhattan.

[B]

Yeah, I'm staying in a garage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Add that the Dunkin Donuts tall boy that you have in front of you.

[C]

I see the order.

[B]

Yeah, it's actually kind of light roast.

[C]

Almond milk, one espresso shot.

[B]

It's not.

[C]

That's pretty classy.

[A]

Well, why light roast? Light roast and an espresso shot.

[B]

I didn't ask for light roast. I said gimme drip. And then she Looked at me and judged me.

[C]

This bitch can't handle regular drip.

[A]

The ice.

[B]

I go give me that.

[C]

Drip, drip. Hate you with.

[A]

I'll give you that.

[B]

But my pod is man.

[C]

Right into shameless plugs. I respect it.

[B]

Just let me tell you about Pod 39.

[C]

Oh, Jesus.

[B]

I forget about that. I forget about that.

[C]

She's staying at one of those weird Japanese hotels with all the businessmen.

[A]

Are you saving that much?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How much is it a night?

[B]

I don't. I'm paying 1200 for three nights.

[C]

That's not. That's expensive.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. Have you looked at any other hotels around New York?

[C]

I live here. I don't need to. I never thought about it.

[A]

I stayed in. I stayed in a couple this summer in the middle of July. City Club. City Club Hotel.

[C]

Things weren't going great.

[A]

Yeah, it was actually very affordable and nice. No way I left there.

[B]

How many friends do you. You have friends here, right? You didn't have one friend you could have stayed with?

[C]

That New Yorker? There's no room for a guy his size, a big ass to crash at.

[A]

Your house for a couple of weeks and not really.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Plus I was crying a lot and all that stuff wasn't a great hang.

[B]

Shit.

[A]

Yeah, but back then.

[C]

Neither here.

[A]

Personal controversies are not on trial here.

[B]

Wait, isn't it.

[A]

You could have saved. You could have. You didn't. You didn't save that much money. Could have got a regular hotel.

[B]

No, I won't. I won't. I. When I. When I'm in New York, I like to be like, oh, I want to suffer.

[A]

Shared bathroom.

[B]

No, not shared bathroom, but no bathroom.

[A]

Almost.

[C]

It's like it's in the living room type deal.

[B]

Yeah, I hate that. It's called a toilet bath, shower.

[A]

I heard that at the Tommy in.

[C]

In Austin.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Toilets in the shower.

[B]

I love that I stayed there. It all goes into one drain. Yeah.

[C]

No, that's the worst. Fucking wake up half drunk in the middle of the night, you'd fucking fall and snap your neck.

[B]

Well, you just take a shower and you pee at the same time. And then you go to down in the lobby to go number two.

[C]

Is that what you do?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Really? Why?

[B]

Hey, guys. Have you never been in a new relationship?

[A]

Oh, there was somebody in there with you?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I gotta go check and make sure the WI fi is not working.

[A]

I would have went three towns over. What are you.

[B]

There's a line of new girlfriends.

[A]

I thought you were in there by yourself.

[C]

Okay, that makes sense.

[A]

You're that much of a lady.

[B]

Shoot. I keep thinking I want to be.

[C]

You should be a Southern belle. No, no.

[A]

Yeah. Give us the backstory.

[B]

Okay. Okay. Because I'm.

[A]

I jump.

[B]

I know. I. I'm. I don't know what I am.

[C]

I got. I gotta. I got a pretty good. I got a pretty good indicator.

[B]

I look adorable. I'm so cute.

[A]

Cannon.

[B]

Yeah. I grew up on a cul de sac, though. I. My first car was a Champagne Mazda Protege.

[A]

All right, slow down, slow down. These are great. I like this. Where did you grow up?

[B]

Louisville, Kentucky.

[A]

Louisville, Kentucky. In the suburbs or in the city proper?

[B]

Suburbs. The whole city's kind of a suburb. No, suburbs, Suburbs, suburbs. We were in a cul de sac. Now, here's the dilly. My family was the doing the best of all the aunts and uncles and cousins.

[A]

Understand.

[B]

Both my parents grew up on tobacco farms. My dad is one of 10.

[A]

Really?

[B]

His brothers are his cousins and his aunt is his stepmom.

[A]

His brothers are his cousins.

[B]

I didn't stutter.

[C]

Is that true or like, he's like. They're like his brother.

[B]

No, there's his cousins. My grandpa.

[A]

Wait, what?

[C]

Let me show you hillbilly shit we gotta do on here.

[B]

My grandpa.

[C]

Ms. Light Roast, shot of espresso. My fucking ball sack.

[B]

This is my third one. He. My grandpa was married to a lady. They had three children. He was a pilot. He actually lied. He was. He. And he was too young to be a pilot, so they kicked him out of the war. And he was training pilots in Texas. And then he owned a farm with some. Some land or whatever. And on the. She. The. His wife was driving to the airport to pick him up. Got in a car crash. She died. The middle child died. So he was widowed. He was going back to war to train pilots. He had 10, two kids, two boys at home. Her younger sister moved into the house to help with the boys.

[C]

That's what happened in the Patriot. Mel Gibson started banging the sister.

[A]

Not until the end.

[C]

Don't matter. She had a set hour. She had a set of cans on her that one time.

[B]

One of my favorite movies. You know, when I was growing up, it was the Patriot and Emperor's New Groove.

[C]

What the hell is that? Is that a cartoon?

[A]

Disney cartoon?

[C]

Yeah, it's Spank. Dude. Those are polar opposites.

[A]

I'll give you.

[C]

You know that movie where he murders people with a hatchet?

[A]

All right, so that explains cousins and the brothers.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

[C]

So did. They had kids together then?

[B]

They had eight more kids together. They're 19 years apart.

[A]

Damn.

[C]

They had eight kids together.

[B]

Yeah. So my brother. My dad's one of ten total.

[C]

Whoa.

[A]

Gotcha. And your dad does the best out of all the.

[B]

Pretty much 10? Yeah. He went into the big city. Most of my aunts and uncle stayed.

[A]

On the tobacco farm.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How does that do?

[B]

It was booming.

[A]

Who do they sell to?

[B]

Until the vapes came around. Until big vape biz.

[C]

I might have to get back on the heaters to help the bland farm.

[A]

Tobacco farm money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you ever work the fields or anything like that?

[B]

No, no, no, no. We would just. We would just dance underneath the drying leaves in the barn. Yeah.

[C]

Who did.

[A]

Who did they sell to? Do you know? Was it RJ Reynolds or Winston? Who you guys?

[C]

Probably a couple of big buyers. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. Big operation, the Kennedys.

[C]

That's also. That is such a. That's thing to like, not have any idea. It's just like. Yeah. I don't know. They just ever ask a girl what her dad does? They have no clue what they do.

[B]

I don't know.

[C]

I don't know. He sells light bulbs or something. You're like, what?

[A]

I don't know. New Mercedes shows up every couple of weeks.

[B]

I just assume they showed up. They were like their own distillery or something, and they were just, like, selling it.

[C]

Like, they were also then out on the street selling, you know, who needs a big tobacco?

[A]

Did they do well? Was it a big operation?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

How many acres?

[B]

He owned most of the land in Marion County.

[A]

Your grandfather.

[B]

Yeah. Which is close to Bargetown, where all the Bourbons made.

[A]

Bargetown.

[C]

Hillbillies love naming counties and. Or, like, greater Swat. Swatches of land that they think, you know. You know what I mean? That's right. By Sagerville. You're like, what the fuck?

[A]

Marion County. God damn.

[B]

And let me tell you, that's close to. And we call it Versailles, which you would call it Versailles.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But we call it Versailles. And my dad, if you asked him where he is, where he's from, he'd say Lebanon.

[C]

Lebanon.

[A]

Lebanon. Instead of Lebanon.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. All right.

[C]

Lebanon.

[A]

Hey, I'm with you on that.

[C]

Yeah. Go birds.

[A]

Keeping it.

[C]

Keeping it old school. Okay.

[A]

Huh? Okay. All right.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Now, what did your dad do? To do. Well, you said he went to the.

[C]

Big city, packed his bags. I'm going to the big city.

[B]

Yeah. He got a University of Kentucky pharmacist degree. He's pharmacist. He met my mom from Owensboro. Kentucky. The borough. And man, all your dad had to.

[A]

Do was become a pharmacist. Beat out eight guys.

[C]

That's big city living.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

That ain't Marion County.

[C]

I don't know what is a Lottie frickin die. Here comes Jim with all his pills and medicine.

[A]

Moved in the city. Got his bartender last night.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And then now he's selling pills and medicine to all the people that were smoking the rest of their lives.

[C]

Yeah, he became a sales rep. No, he's a big.

[A]

He was a pharmacist.

[B]

Pharmacist.

[A]

Own pharmacy. You're like working for another company.

[B]

Work. Dude. He worked night shift at Walgreens most of my childhood.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, dog.

[C]

And that's doing well?

[A]

The pharmacists do very well.

[B]

I think they're fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

He's not bright or anything. He's. He was like.

[C]

He ain't book smart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's not like he knows how to move a pill.

[B]

This is back in the day.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? This is like.

[A]

Please explain.

[B]

They weren't like. This isn't like we have to tell you by the books how you should take this medicine.

[C]

Gotcha.

[B]

This is him sizing up Wild West.

[C]

Sizing you up.

[A]

More of a recommendation.

[C]

About 2,250you can handle yourself.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I ask you something?

[C]

You like to party?

[A]

And what about your mom? What did she.

[B]

She was a nurse.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pharmacist and a nurse.

[B]

I know. Big, big meds family.

[C]

And so was that their occupation? To get you in the house in the cul de sac? That's what they did.

[A]

And how many brothers and sisters?

[B]

One older brother, two years older. One younger brother, five years younger.

[A]

That's a good combo.

[B]

I know. Now here's the classy thing. This is beautiful. We went to Catholic schools our whole life. All girls, Catholic high school, all boys, Catholic.

[A]

Oh, you guys didn't go to high school together?

[B]

No.

[A]

Two years apart's perfect. My brother were two years apart. It was great.

[B]

I know. Isn't that so fun?

[A]

Yeah. Senior when I was a sophomore. You didn't tell me nothing.

[B]

Now boy girl is the most fun because especially if the girl's younger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't around his brothers. And you need a rat school.

[C]

Somebody picked me up in my cold.

[B]

You say? And they all had fake IDs. So when you would get in trouble and you need.

[C]

Needs an adult, a guardian.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. To come get you from the police.

[A]

Oh no.

[B]

His Friends would come with their fake IDs.

[A]

That's pretty good.

[B]

Pick me up.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Something that could only happen in Kentucky.

[B]

I know, I know.

[C]

New York. That would not happen in New York.

[B]

I know. We'd show the cop, like, it'd be like a 19 year old. Being like, I'm 26.

[A]

All Catholic schools doing well. Cul de sac.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How big was the house?

[C]

How many bedrooms?

[B]

Four bedrooms.

[A]

Four bedrooms.

[C]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah, but. But pool. No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No sod farm behind our house.

[A]

The fuck is that?

[C]

Sod farm.

[A]

Sod.

[C]

I speak correct. Yeah.

[B]

You know, sod.

[C]

Is that still a farm? You gotta farm it. Don't just go to people's yards and take it.

[B]

Yeah. I'm so sorry. This is.

[A]

I always thought that's what they did.

[B]

This is like. Okay, I have hair extensions in. This is your yard's hair extensions.

[C]

We know Sod. He just didn't know how they made sod.

[A]

So hold on. Was it just a huge lawn? Basically. Probably really nice.

[B]

Well, God, I guess I know more about agriculture than I thought. They would switch between grass.

[C]

Let's not cross pollinating seeds here.

[B]

You call it grass. One more time. Call it grass.

[A]

That's Marion county sod, motherfucker.

[B]

That is. That is international grass.

[C]

That's Kentucky bluegrass, pussy.

[B]

Yeah, that's going over Japan. That's mass grass.

[A]

Oh, fuck.

[C]

They send tuna here, we send grass.

[A]

Wait, what's the Kentucky bluegrass?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

But it's.

[A]

I never thought about Kentucky bluegrass being an actual thing.

[B]

Yeah, it's freaking from Kentucky.

[C]

Sought after saw it after salt after saw.

[B]

Now you gotta go. You gotta go soy one year and then sawed next year. So you mix up the soil.

[C]

That makes sense.

[B]

You know about this? I don't, but I've variation.

[A]

But hold on. So when it was just.

[C]

You said that like such a. And I respect it. Variation.

[A]

When it was sod, was it just like a beautiful field of grass?

[B]

Yeah. And this is the dope part. This is what we were doing. We get in trouble. So they go. They take a. They take a machine and it comes. And it cuts rows and then little so it comes off. So then it's like cut into these like long strips.

[A]

I'm with you.

[B]

And they. They leave that out there for you for a few weeks. So the lines get cooked. I don't know how to say that. Then they roll it up. So then you have these strips of just long dirt. And we were like, I've seen them. Mud, sleep, slide. And so then we would go out There with buckets of water and turn those into mudslides.

[C]

Would they get upset at that?

[B]

Yes. Yeah. We would have to run a few times from those farmers.

[A]

But you live right behind it. They probably knew who you were.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Was it the best crime?

[B]

So we were. You know what it is. Do you guys feel. Where did y' all grow up?

[C]

Outside of Philly.

[A]

Outside of Philly. Suburbs.

[B]

Do you feel like we were. And you guys are close to my age.

[C]

I'm 21.

[B]

Yeah. You don't even get me. Do you feel like we were the last, like, latchkey generations?

[A]

How old are you?

[B]

20? 34? 27? 34.

[A]

Yeah. I would say your generation probably was.

[B]

Dude, it was like our parents were just gone. Like they were at work and we were just. And we had Jackass.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And all we did all day is just try and recreate shit we saw on Jackass. And like, our parents.

[C]

That was big, you know?

[B]

And it was just, like. It was so fun. It was just.

[C]

I feel like. No, I feel like me and my mom were roommates.

[B]

Wait.

[C]

For. A lot of the time.

[A]

His mom worked third shift, too.

[C]

Oh, second shift. I.

[B]

So second shift.

[C]

She'd get home at, like, midnight or whatever.

[B]

Oh, so she was exhausted.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So you were just.

[C]

That'll happen. That'll happen when you're a barfly. He was a professional drunk.

[A]

Luke, you're 27. Did you have any latchkey kids?

[C]

I would say that switched over pretty heavily.

[A]

No kidding.

[C]

You would know the latchkey kids in my grade.

[A]

Who was home when you got home from school?

[C]

The bad kids. Yeah. Mom or dad or the nanny. Yeah. Never a nanny.

[B]

Well, yeah. What the hell did they do? How are they home?

[C]

They're rich. Yeah. My mom started working when I was in middle school and my dad came home.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Cause she was bored and she needed a little hobby.

[A]

Now, these are. These are.

[B]

She need a passion project.

[A]

These are CEOs and intelligentsia people.

[B]

Intelligentsia? I haven't even heard of that religion.

[C]

I thought that was a magazine.

[A]

Never heard of the Dempsey Group?

[B]

Don't talk to me like that.

[C]

Cop a attitude with me. Coming here, throwing your big words at me.

[B]

Let me just tell you why you switched from soy to saw. The Dempseys are so.

[A]

Yes, you would be on the end of the. Of the latchkey phenomenon.

[B]

Yeah, it was fun. Yeah. It was so dope. So fun. We had a hoot and blast. I that. By the way, I don't know any culture references or anything because our parents weren't around. They didn't teach us anything. We were outside raising a ruckus.

[C]

Raised in a ruckus.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't. We didn't watch TV or any of that shit.

[C]

Were there any sports growing up?

[B]

No, we didn't have pro football or anything. So it was Kentucky basketball through, baby. Yeah, dude, Kentucky basketball was our NFL team.

[A]

What about you, though? Did you play sports growing up?

[B]

Yeah. So I ran cross country.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I hated it so much. Was the only sport because it was no cut.

[C]

And.

[B]

And so. This is so bad.

[A]

Talk about getting by. I like it.

[B]

I would.

[A]

No cut, no drug test dog.

[B]

Okay. During practice, you know, you were just like, we got to run in. I never understood minutes. We run into the. Into the woods and then we just.

[C]

They were like hippies, dude.

[A]

We would see that like every two hours come running by like a herd of deer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, what the fuck are you guys doing?

[B]

Everybody conversation too. And you're like, how are you talking? Walking right now?

[A]

Yeah, they just ran in a loop.

[B]

Yeah. And they're just. Their little muscles are just popping out everywhere.

[A]

And as even fat as I am, when they were like, what? It's only three miles? I was like, what? Three miles. That's cross country, dude.

[C]

Wait, you were going, it's only three miles.

[A]

That's cross country.

[B]

You know what?

[C]

We would not even Chicago's cross country. Even cross the county. That's not even cross. Half American county.

[A]

We would put pads on, lady.

[B]

Can I call. Can I say your kind? Yeah, we. So it was an okay people. Yeah. Listen, I don't know.

[A]

Was it fat people?

[B]

Yeah, it was no cut. So we had. We called them the shufflers.

[A]

Oh, okay. Gotcha.

[C]

And his defense, he used to be an athlete.

[B]

Did you really?

[C]

Football, sure.

[A]

Football, wrestling, lacrosse. College football in the cross.

[B]

Now, when you did wrestling, were you just kind of like we all just laying on each other?

[A]

Is that what you think?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

It's hotter that way.

[A]

It was a little Romanesque.

[B]

We were just cuddling cat.

[A]

We got talking about Tushy.

[C]

Shout out to Tushy, gang.

[A]

I could use it right now, I'll tell you that right now. I got a little swamp butt going. Not gonna lie, gang. What are you doing? You wiping your ass? Come on. Do yourself a favor. Get over to Tushy. Get the bidet system hooked up on a turlet and get that butthole squeaky clean. We like squeaky clean buttholes, don't we, Kevin?

[C]

Yeah. Tushy is the everyday luxury bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and Bottom health for life. 99% of people who wash with Tushy Wave feel cleaner and fresher than going after going to the bathroom. Tushy Wave instantly modernizes your daily routine and bathroom with a super sleek seat plus two separate front and rear nozzles for the most complete clean. I'm talking get you the front and the back.

[B]

Woo ay, Dan.

[C]

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[A]

Yeah. Kip. Let's talk about Nutrafol.

[C]

Shout out to Nutrafol Big dog.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know if I've ever told you about this buddy of mine.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't know him. He goes to a different school up in Canada.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

He has some hair thinning issues. Okay, okay. Nice guy. Good guy.

[C]

Good friend of yours. But hair issues.

[A]

Thinning, yes. Small penis too, but shh. This product can't really help that, you know. So we're concentrating on the hair.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

Listen, I've been recommending that he should go to Nutrafol and get straightened out a little bit.

[C]

Sure. Listen, I think your friend sounds like a nice guy. It's most likely me. Nutrafol is the number one dermatologist recommended hair growth supplement brand trusted by over one and a half million people, a lot of people. You can feel great by knowing what you're putting in your body. Since Nutrafol hair growth supplements are backed by peer reviewed studies and NSF content certified, the gold standard in third party certification. Third party certification for supplements. Guys, listen, I use Nutrafol. My hair journey. My hair issue journey has been long and there's, you know, different varieties of it.

[A]

I was gonna say it's looking pretty good these days.

[C]

Nutrafol is a, you know, hair growth supplement that I've turned to, to not do the medications and stuff like that. And I've seen thicker, stronger, faster growing hair with less shedding in just three to six months with Nutrafol for a limited time, Nutrafol is offering our listeners $10 off your first month subscription and free shipping. When you go to Nutrafol.com use the promo code GARBAGE. Find out why Nutrafol is the best selling hair growth supplement [e-mail] spelled n u t r a f o l.com promo code garbage@ Suchrefault.com promo code garbage. Do it.

[B]

So I would, I would, I would fake the practice, right. Run into the woods and chill there. And then when the races would happen, I would care for the first mile and they'd be like, I hate this. And so I started fake passing out.

[C]

I respect it.

[A]

Crazy.

[B]

Here's the first mistake I made at first. I was like, I'm not gonna be a good seller to pass out. So I was like, I'll pass out in the woods when there's not a lot of.

[C]

No one can see yours.

[B]

Right. So yeah, they. So they. And then a girl will be like, there's a girl passed out. And so I pass out in the woods. But then every. All these are so competitive. They're like, this is one person I will definitely beat. So no one told on me. So I had to fake wake up.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Had to fake come to run until I saw like a mother who would care. And then fake pass out again so that somebody would be like, we've got one down. And. And then.

[C]

Why wouldn't you just fake like a.

[A]

Hand ramp or something?

[B]

Okay, Okay. I tried in the beginning. I was like, I will fake sprain an ankle. Have you ever tried to fake sprain an ankle?

[C]

It's a lot of acting.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

At least with the pass out you're like, I don't know what happened. Yeah, I'm dizzy. Let me sit down. An ankle. You got a milk for that? That's like a three week gig, right?

[B]

And then. And also it's just like, like, I think I tried to actually sprain my ankle too. It's hard to. It's hard to do it on purpose.

[A]

And they're in the woods hitting yourself with a rock. I hated.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you had. Did your parents make you participate? Like, what's the. Why couldn't you just go, I don't want to run anymore.

[B]

I don't.

[C]

I don't know.

[B]

I think it was like, I have to do a sport. Yeah.

[C]

Someone who's faked asthma attacks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's kind of what it was.

[C]

But I had asthma, so I could be like, it's bothering me. So the pass out is severe level of trash.

[B]

I would do like it. I started doing it, like, by the fourth or fifth race that I did it, the coach stopped believing that I was actually passing out. But my mom cared right in front of him. Yeah, he would. He would just. He'd keep running. He'd be like, I don't.

[A]

They must have thought you were nuts if you were busted. And they knew.

[B]

They knew. He knew. He knew. But was he going to say, yeah.

[C]

She'S also like a 16 year old girl who's clearly lying and has some problems. Parents aren't giving her enough attention at home. She's acting out.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

In the woods.

[B]

He can't look at me, a white girl at a Catholic, all girls Catholic school and be like this lying whore.

[C]

Whore was. I mean, that's just your take on it. I wasn't gonna say anything.

[B]

Well, I'd pass out like this shirt's unbuttoned.

[C]

My word, I hope there's no hot.

[A]

Guys in the woods out there like Vivian Lee.

[C]

Also a guy deep cut, I presume.

[B]

Who does anyone gotten that reference?

[A]

She was in A Streetcar Named Desire.

[C]

Yeah. Four people. Damn.

[B]

Your movie references are deep. By the way. I hadn't seen City of Angels. I thought I had when you asked me, and then I realized what I saw was the baseball movie with the angels.

[C]

Field of Angels. Field of Angels. Angels in the outfield.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Significantly different.

[A]

The reason that the Google. The reason the Google dolls had such big Google Dolls. Goo Goo Dolls.

[C]

Google Dolls. I'm more of a Yahoo doll, man.

[A]

The Google Dolls. The reason the Goo Goo Dolls had such a huge push on mainstream was because they did the soundtrack for City of Angels, which is where they got the song Iris. Where he wrote the song Iris for that's what really blew them up.

[B]

I'm singing.

[C]

Are you Goo Goo for Gaga?

[A]

What the hell are you talking about?

[B]

When I tell you I don't have any cultural references or know any lyrics to anything.

[A]

So you were a fan of the Google dolls. You just got back from a festival where they were.

[C]

She was on drugs.

[B]

I know this. But you play the song and I love the song, but you don't know Iris.

[A]

And I don't want the world to see.

[B]

This is how I would sing that. And I would be belting.

[A]

Is that what you were doing?

[B]

Yeah. Go. This.

[A]

Catherine fake pass out. Go.

[C]

Have you went back your mouth open? All right, geez. Get your mind out of the water.

[B]

All right, all right, all right. So my mom cared. She took me to go to see a doctor because I kept passing out.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Was in there.

[C]

Now you're lying to a doctor.

[B]

Was in there for hours. They're like, we're not seeing anything.

[C]

And I was like, check again.

[B]

Find it. Then she was awesome. Then I. I went to South Carolina for school because I.

[A]

Did you eventually tell them that you were fake? Do your parents know today that. What grade was this?

[B]

All the way to senior year.

[A]

You did this for four years?

[C]

Yeah, Just stop running. I joined the chess club or something.

[A]

Are you a lunatic? Really?

[C]

Do you have Munchausen syndrome?

[B]

Oh. Do you care about winning? Are you committed to fake passing out, though?

[A]

Do your parents now know? So my mom ever have a hard time? Like, hey, by the way, just so you know, those four years in college, I was fake passing out.

[C]

College. High school.

[A]

High school.

[B]

My mom died, so I think she knows now.

[A]

Very sorry.

[B]

Thank you. Thanks for bringing it up. The Dempsey Group. I just see it.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

My. I did a bit on the Tonight Show. I think that's when my dad found out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

That's good to find out. How long did your mom pass?

[B]

11 years ago.

[A]

11 years ago from.

[C]

Sorry to hear.

[B]

Lung cancer.

[A]

Very sorry.

[B]

Tobacco.

[A]

Very sorry.

[B]

I'm just kidding. I don't think she really even smoked, but I think it was just kind of one of those Erin Brockovich situations.

[C]

She's close.

[A]

Why do you say that?

[B]

Come on.

[C]

She was around it.

[B]

Everybody in Owensboro gets lung cancer or brain cancer.

[A]

Water. The chemicals are used.

[C]

Come on.

[A]

Is it. Is it mostly tobacco farms out there?

[B]

Yeah. And a big steel plant.

[C]

Yikes.

[A]

That is bad combo.

[C]

Talking about you get you coming and going down there also.

[B]

But isn't it saying my most, like, drunk ants, like, the most insane ones. They'll never die.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[C]

Now, I had a couple in my family where you're like, this guy. Oh, never mind. He didn't eat. A little too close to the sun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kicked it.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Rick's gonna live forever.

[C]

Rest in peace, big dog.

[A]

He was just fake passing out.

[B]

And then the way that they die, though, is they're not dying from, like, illness.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

How did you like a jet?

[C]

Yeah. No, he. Pretty bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It wasn't like parachuting got him or something. Yeah, it was. It was delongious. And the cirrhosis.

[B]

Mine are like. Mine are like, oh, my tattoo started rotting my skin. And that's how they died. Or like, they fell down.

[C]

That is okay.

[B]

But it's not. It's not. It's not God that took them.

[A]

I. I understand what you're saying. It wasn't their poor lifestyle choices that.

[C]

Led to them tattoo that got him. I would argue that could happen to anybody. It does not happen to anybody.

[A]

I mean, it's not like they had kidney disease or anything like that.

[B]

One of them. One of them got sick because she got her eyeliner tattooed and then it started rotting her eyelid and then died from it. That one didn't die from that, but.

[A]

It was a crassiest I've ever heard. I got bad ink in my eyeliner.

[B]

I got eyeliner to define my eyes now. I got no eyelid at all.

[A]

The hell kind of ink you using, Earl? You got Uniball in there? God damn it.

[C]

Jesus. All right, hold on. Let's try to recenter this a little bit.

[A]

But your family did well. They were doing okay.

[B]

Yeah, it was adorable.

[A]

All right.

[B]

And then I left for college and went to the University of South Carolina.

[C]

Let's put a pin in there.

[B]

What?

[A]

Gonna get to. We're gonna hit the University of South Carolina. My cousin Aiden, freshman there right now, loves it.

[B]

Gamecock.

[A]

Just talked to him last night.

[B]

Yeah. Really? Why are you talking to your cousin?

[A]

I'm close to him.

[B]

He's a freshman.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Thank you. Yeah.

[B]

Continue.

[A]

What kind of high school nerd bullshit was that?

[C]

I didn't think.

[A]

I can't talk to a freshman.

[C]

I never thought about it, but she's.

[A]

I'm tight with my family.

[B]

How? I have 60 first cousins, so I.

[A]

Guess I'm not a hillbilly.

[C]

I have.

[A]

I have six, and I'm very close to them. They're all good kids.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Wait, he's your cousin?

[B]

Cousin?

[A]

Yeah. Tracy's kid, Aiden.

[C]

So your cousin's kid?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

He's my cousin, too.

[C]

All right? Relax, Chill.

[A]

Oh, she got me on defensive.

[C]

No. What the. I'm trying to find out, do you.

[B]

Have Cousin facetimes, like, scheduled every once.

[A]

In a while, we'll do something like that. If it's the holidays and we can't be together, we'll knock one of those out. Yeah.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

It's a pretty normal relationship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Good kid.

[B]

Okay. It's a big age gap.

[A]

I'm not dating the guy.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

He said no.

[B]

Okay. Gamecock. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But hold on. Let's pull back to the childhood a little bit more. What?

[A]

Let's just go to school, though.

[B]

It is so fun.

[C]

His cousin goes there. Let's focus on the. The childhood a little bit more, the family dynamics. What was a traditional family vacation in the Blandford?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Myrtle beach, baby.

[C]

Shout out to it. Yeah.

[B]

Dirty Myrtle. Or we go to Gulf Shores in Alabama. Or Destin, Florida.

[C]

If.

[B]

If things are going real well.

[A]

Gulf Shores.

[B]

You ever been to Gulf Shores?

[C]

No.

[A]

I have a weird thing with the Gulf of. The Gulf of Mexico. I don't see how that's Gulf of America. I don't see how that's an enjoyable.

[C]

I've been beach. I've been to St. Pete.

[A]

I know that. I know that I'm wrong.

[C]

No, you don't. Wait, I thought that was the classy one.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. It's good. This. I'm like, let's go.

[C]

Go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So this is an. I can't imagine going to the beach in Alabama. It's just in my head.

[C]

It's beautiful. Is.

[B]

Is. It says, you know what? We did go there a lot. That may have contributed to my mom's early death. Yeah. Look how much water is alarmingly warm and the beaches are white.

[C]

And it's. The water doesn't get that deep. It's like. Isn't it like shallow for long parts of it? Yeah, you got to walk out like a half a mile.

[A]

That's what I don't like.

[B]

You know what we love?

[C]

We love peeing.

[B]

A sandbar. So many sand. Sandbars are.

[C]

There's nothing that.

[B]

Or.

[C]

Or a good tide pool. Shout out to it.

[B]

Yes. All the little kids are going to.

[A]

Aren't there a lot of stingrays in the. In the Gulf? The little ones.

[C]

I was told you got a shuffle.

[A]

You gotta.

[C]

You gotta.

[B]

Oh, that what it is.

[C]

No, we just.

[B]

We were just living with jellyfish. So many jellyfish, you know.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's it. I don't know.

[C]

Beautiful beaches. Look at Mobile, Alabama.

[A]

It looks nice.

[B]

It's nice. Jekyll island, if you're doing really well. That's outside of.

[C]

We gotta go. Beautiful. Yeah.

[A]

I'm with it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It's good. So we did.

[C]

We Atlantic Ocean for like, for like a week. You go for a week or a weekend?

[B]

Yeah, for a week.

[C]

Okay. My bad blood.

[B]

But we're, by the way, we're all sleeping in like one. Like, you know, like my parents have a double bed and the kids have a double bed.

[C]

Part of like a econ unit tattoo.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. We're typically doing that.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Respect and Disney World.

[B]

We did Disney when we were young. That's too much.

[A]

When did you get your passport?

[B]

My dad. My grandpa remarried a Calgary woman in Canada.

[A]

No kidding.

[B]

And so when we were.

[A]

Hold on, after the 19 or after this. The sister.

[B]

This is my mom's dad. My mom died. My mom's mom died when she was 12.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so my Italian or something over there. So my grandpa remarried a Canadian woman and moved to Calgary.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so we went up to Calgary. Calgary Stampede. Dude, I thought the Calgary Stampede was this nice little family friendly.

[C]

Is it a rodeo?

[B]

Get together, a little picnic?

[C]

What is it?

[B]

That shit is horny.

[C]

What is it?

[B]

Calgary Stampede. Have you ever heard about it?

[C]

No, I don't even know what it is.

[B]

Okay, okay. Calgary. Yeah. In Canada. Alberta, Edmonton, Calgary. It's the Texas. Texas of.

[C]

Okay, okay.

[A]

That I do know.

[B]

And. And the Calgary Stampede is a big festival.

[A]

Gotcha.

[B]

In Calgary. And I thought it was this nice little family friendly. It's. It's the spring break of they be wild lumberjacks.

[A]

What did you go there as a family?

[B]

Yeah, to go visit my grandpa.

[A]

Okay. How old were you when you went up there?

[B]

I think it was like maybe 11 or 12.

[C]

All right.

[B]

That's when I got my passport.

[A]

That's when you got your passport.

[C]

Not bad. That's pretty.

[B]

Yeah, but that was the only country I went to outside of the United States till I was in college when I did an. An internship for the London Olympics in 2012. And I was an intern for the cleaning company.

[C]

The cleaning company.

[B]

Wait, can we skip ahead for two seconds? Okay, so we. My major in South Carolina is called Sport and Entertainment Management.

[C]

That. Hold on. That was when that hit. That became the biggest dirt bag career choice. Wait, is that all of my friends? I'm in sports marketing and management. Yeah, Sales and ad revenue. You're like, shut up.

[B]

This isn't that.

[C]

It was like, I love football.

[B]

Yeah. This isn't this. That wasn't the cool. This was like the venue management. These were like. We were like feed our kids into like running the security.

[C]

You were working for the cleaning company?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

That's like such a job. I would get too, dude.

[A]

Big Aramark, bro.

[B]

If I. Dog, if I did not get into mar. Into comedy, I'd be running like the parking for like a giant arena right now. I know. That's what I'd be doing. I. I did work. I was a manager for the security for the Amway center, the Orlando Magic Arena. No one's safe at any of those events.

[C]

You would charge, dude. Where I'm sitting there drinking on the.

[B]

Job, watching the wanderers. Those wanders are. You know when you like, okay, so if you staff like a. Like an Ariana Grande concert right at an arena, you go, who's my best guys? They're. You're putting them in the Front of the stage or backstage. Then your second tier, you've got them on the.

[C]

So on the outside of the stadium is the worst guy.

[B]

Dude, those ones aren't even on. Those ones aren't even on. Those guys are. They work two other shifts that day somewhere else. They don't give a. They're getting paid $9 an hour. They're literally making the beep with their mouth. They don't give a.

[C]

That he's giving you goose in. You checking your oil packing under that.

[B]

They're giving you. Nice.

[C]

That makes sense.

[A]

All right. Internship abroad.

[B]

Okay. Yeah. Wait. Okay. Let me tell you this. So I worked Velodrome. Do you remember the. You know what that is? It's the tiny little bikes that go around in.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oval. It's dope.

[C]

Velodrome.

[B]

It's called Bella Drone.

[A]

Is that an event in the Olympics?

[B]

Yeah, it was a whole.

[C]

Like, the wall. It's like roller derby for nerds on bikes.

[B]

The British and the Australians just, like, trying to shove each other off each other.

[A]

What did you do for this?

[B]

It was like. It was like roller derby for tiny twinks.

[A]

I never understood that. How is that an Olympic sport?

[B]

It's so dope. I love it.

[C]

Wait, but what were you doing?

[B]

Okay, sorry. I worked velodrama. Bmx. So that was what my pass was for. Right.

[C]

Like, you were, what, cleaning the events?

[B]

I was staffing the chairs. Which is hilarious because, like, you were.

[A]

On site, though, dude.

[B]

Okay, so they. Yeah, so they were. The. The cleaning company had. They built out a camp down in this back alley. All right, let me get back for a second. For a second. For a city to win. I'll go back to my childhood, but I think this is so entertaining because we kind of studied the IOC in my major for a city to win. International Olympic Committee. Come on, man. First.

[C]

It's crazy. You think I was just gonna pull.

[B]

Yeah. The ioc.

[C]

That's wild.

[B]

You talk about. You know about the Dempsey Group. First of all, I don't see conspiracy.

[C]

I gotta pull you back. I don't even remember the Olympics being in London. I have to go. I gotta. I gotta call on myself here. Zero remembrance of that 2012.

[B]

Gabby Douglas won medals at the O2. Michael Phelps broke metal records.

[C]

I thought that was in China.

[B]

Usain Bolt. Does someone watch Usain Bolt? No, that was after.

[A]

Did you see Usain Bolt run, dude?

[B]

Yeah. How'd you catch him?

[C]

He fainted.

[B]

I go. Let me tell. Wait. Let me tell you how I saw him, though. This is. This is. I Got a little scrappy. Okay. So. But for an IOC to win the bid for the Olympics to come, they have to promise that they were put the Olympics like the village and everything in a part of the city that's run down to bring up the economy. Right? So. So the Olympics were in Stratford, which is not the best.

[C]

A bit dodgy.

[B]

Yes. We. The Olympic. Or our cleaning company, Australian cleaning company built a strike.

[C]

What the fuck is going on here?

[B]

It's called clean event.

[A]

Clean of it?

[B]

Yeah, clean event.

[A]

There's a clean of it.

[B]

They built a camp, right? And on the back of an alley called Candy Cane Lane, in the front of it was a watch.

[A]

What are you talking about?

[B]

There was a fucking alley called Candy Cane Lane and they built a camp.

[A]

Look. Are you tracking this on Google Earth?

[B]

Hold on. Google. Google Daily Mail. Clean event, London Olympics. Because they reported us because of how unsanitary these living conditions were, you know? You know, like a construction company, like the trailers. They.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Yes, they would. They put 10 of us into one of those.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And they recruit all these people from Hungary and Spain and everywhere to come and be the workers.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so we would be living with like people from Hungary that didn't speak English.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Hungarian men are mean.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We would like.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Most Eastern Europeans are known for their warmth and welcoming of odd blonde women.

[B]

We would be like, I just need to take a shower before work. And they'd be like, in the shower. And we'd be the Hungarian guys. Yes.

[C]

And we'd be like, with who?

[B]

I don't know. Hungarian woman or nice. Yeah.

[A]

Damn.

[B]

Or any. Maybe a woman from the brothel up the street. And there's nothing wrong with that. They would grunt at us like if. If we were just like, how much longer? That'd be it.

[A]

You had to share showers with the workers.

[B]

Yeah. You said it.

[C]

That makes sense. The headline is 10 to a room and one shower for 75 people inside the slum camp for Olympic cleaners.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dog, get the out of here. What's talking about trade coffee?

[C]

Shout out to Trade Cafe.

[A]

The best in the business trade coffee. You know what? Do you know what they're good at that?

[C]

I just got cold brew, baby.

[A]

They got blends specifically for cold brew.

[C]

I know.

[A]

You put it in the fridge 24 hours. You got delicious cold brew right at the rut. Sitting in my fridge right now.

[C]

And not.

[B]

Not.

[C]

And you're not paying that. Overpriced. Eh? It's made by some force. You did it. You're. You're the you're the hard working guy. You make the coffee, you enjoy the coffee.

[A]

Cold brew at home with trade. Unbelievable.

[C]

Yeah. Trade is the number one coffee destination in the US for both hot and cold coffee drinkers. They've sourced the best beans from over 50 top roasters across the US for cold brew lovers like the big man said, they teamed up with 15 roasters to create special collection made just for cold brew. So every cup comes with a smooth delicious tast every time. That's the trade coffee guarantee. They have easy to use curated gear so you can brew at home with better flavor. Add value and any cafe or bottled cold brew will give you take their quiz in just under a minute. They'll recommend coffees that you love. And the first bag isn't quite right. No problem. They'll replace it for free until they nail it. Because that's what they are and that's what they care about. Right now trade is offering 50% off a one month [e-mail] garbage that's drinktrade.com garbage. You get 50% off one [e-mail] garbage. Do it now. Back to the show.

[A]

Back to the show bundle and safe With Expedia you were made to follow your favorite band and from the front row we were made to quietly save you more Expedia. Made to travel savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.

[C]

So I wouldn't really call that studying abroad if I had. I mean like there's people who study abroad in the south of France. You were at a. You were an indentured servant for the Olympics with Hungarian guys. But isn't that way different?

[B]

This is how I live my life. You get in, you have all these fun experiences, but I'm like, I never got in lavishly.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

It was always like these little back doors.

[C]

I'm very similar to that.

[B]

That's why.

[A]

But you got to see Usain Bolt.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so. So my past.

[C]

Sex in a shower.

[A]

Hey man, don't you got a race in 10 minutes? I'll be fine, man.

[B]

I had to have sex.

[C]

You do?

[B]

Cleaner.

[C]

Yeah. Okay.

[A]

Isn't he?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

Hope so. Ain't Jewish, I don't think.

[C]

From Kentucky. All right.

[B]

What I was trying to remember, you know how you say bacon in germ? In Jamaican you say beer can. Bacon.

[C]

All right, so I don't think any of that's right.

[B]

Okay. So I wanted to go to the opening ceremonies, right. But I didn't have a pass into the main stadium.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Where the track and all that was. So my supervisor is like, the only way you can get in is if you're working. So I put on a cleaning uniform and a dust and a broom dog. I'm so good at faking.

[A]

Started talking Hungarian.

[B]

Yeah, started. He started hollering and gibberish. Sims. And started sweeping because Elton John was playing the. The Spice Girls were supposed to come out. The Queen was going to be there. But then I got too obsessed with cleaning and started, like, really getting into it, and, like, didn't even end up watching the ceremony.

[A]

What were you cleaning during the opening ceremony?

[B]

I had a broom. I had a broom and a pan.

[A]

People sweeping while that's going on?

[B]

Yeah, dude. It's a whole stadium. It's now the West Ham soccer stadium. They saw me cleaning, and they were like, somebody pulled me, and they're like, we need somebody in our VIP area.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

I get pulled in the VIP area. I was with this other British girl who did the same thing as me, and I got kind of got jumbled up in this crowd, and, like, bumped into this man in a torch in her hand. He was in a wheelchair.

[A]

Who.

[B]

Well, and then I walked past them, and she goes, do you know you just bumped into. And I was like, no. She's like, that was Stephen Hawking. And she was like, he was standing next to Cindy Lauper sitting. And I. He was rolling next to Cindy. And he was at the opening ceremony. What did you say?

[C]

He was at the big air event.

[A]

What event is he in?

[B]

Like, he was bmx.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

He was doing the half pipe. I didn't even know who it was. She had to tell me who he was. I didn't even.

[A]

What does this got to do with you meeting Usain Bolt?

[B]

Oh, well, then I kept sneaking in as a. As a sweeper and a brimmer to all the events.

[A]

You got to watch him run that.

[B]

I got to watch Michael Phelps. I got to watch Gabby Douglas. But I had to put it on a cleaning uniform. And, like, every now and then, I'd have to sweep a few times so I didn't look like our employees were getting lazy.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. And that's what I did all the Olympics.

[A]

Pretty good.

[B]

So fun.

[C]

Not bad.

[A]

A very dirt bag.

[C]

That's a dirt bag to get into the Olympics. I respect that.

[A]

I'll give you that.

[B]

We've learned, though, you can get in anywhere. If you're cleaning, you don't need credentials.

[A]

Especially if you're running security.

[C]

Guys, Juan's not even on how's he gonna.

[A]

Orlando Magic. No one's safe.

[C]

What was your first job, your first actual job?

[B]

Black Friday. Old Navy. Nine hour shift on the fleece wall for nine hours. My hands were bleeding by the end of it because it soaks it out. All of the moisture out of your hands to the point where they're cracking.

[C]

What the fleece does.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's all that polyurethane they use.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

That is so trashy and so specific. So they brought you in for Black Friday. Okay. Christmas vacation, Thanksgiving weekend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was at the height of the fleece Old Navy craze.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah, that was heavy.

[B]

Yeah. It was really wintertime flip flops in the summertime. That's what people came in there for, let me tell you. I went back for the next day for a nine hour shift. And they're like, we can't believe you came back. I tell you, the darkest part of that, that job, Old Navy, any of these, like, those kind of stores, once you get on the register that you have at your piece and your managers are back there lurking and watching you and they want you to offer a credit card to everybody that comes.

[C]

Sucks, dude. It's predatory.

[B]

All they want you to do is get them to try and even open. They don't care if they get approved. They just want you to open it.

[C]

You have to ask every single person, you want to put that on a Macy's card today? Yeah, I'll ruin your credit for eight years. You want to try it? Hey, they got me. They want to get you, too.

[B]

And the people that always go for it are the people that you're looking shouldn't.

[C]

Yeah, you're like, people used to get approved for me at Macy's. And I go, yeah, just give me your Social Security number. First of all, you're giving me your social number at a cash register. I'm wearing my dad's suit. It's crazy.

[B]

This pays. These people are paying incense.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? They're pulling out pennies to finish.

[C]

Cover the dollar.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And they're trying to open up a credit card. Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And they would go, the one. I remember the one guy go, it ain't gonna work. I go, buddy, they're gonna give it to you. You're gonna. I guarantee it. You're gonna shit yourself when you see the line of credit. I got. I remember going, I got approved for.

[A]

800 bucks, but it's only in there. You can only use it in there, right?

[C]

Yeah, I thought I could use it everywhere. And I couldn't. I just cleaned it off my. I just got it off my. Lasted forever.

[B]

This podcast is doing well.

[C]

Yeah, we do all right. I'm bad with money, and my credit's even worse. But they would approve, even for, like, 200 bucks. Or, like, somebody would be, like, 400 worth of stuff. And, like, that was his net worth. And I'd be like, you got proof for a hundred? He goes, put that on there. Because then that guy goes, I got an extra hundred bucks. I can walk around.

[B]

Yes. And you're just like, get out of here, dude.

[C]

It is what it is.

[B]

Yeah. And they're like, there's, like, a child behind them.

[A]

Put him up, too.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Social Security number on him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got a bank account, big man. Okay.

[C]

All they did was check your Social Security number.

[B]

That was it. I know.

[C]

That was a computer. And it would just say yes.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Most. I mean, most people were denied. And that was insane, though, because then you had to be like. The worst is when you told them that they were denied because you just had to go like this. Okay, well, you were not approved. Would you like to check out with credit or cash or something? And you couldn't. You. You just had to say it in the same, like, sure voice that you would have a good voice or anything.

[A]

You just get embarrassed in front of a high school kid.

[B]

It's. It's insane. You're just like, this is dark.

[C]

Yeah. It's tough.

[A]

If you do pay with a credit card, we're gonna need to see some identification because you apparently are a dirt ball because you didn't get approved for an Old Navy credit card.

[B]

That was a dark.

[A]

That's a dark time in your life.

[B]

Yeah, I've had dark jobs, but that. It felt dirty.

[A]

That was your first one.

[B]

Yeah. And besides, like, nannying and babysitting.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, It's a good first one. Yeah.

[A]

What was the grocery store you guys went to growing up?

[B]

Kroger.

[C]

Respectable.

[A]

Can't fight that. It's good to a Kroger. If you guys would have. Would you guys ever go out to eat as a family?

[B]

Benihana's.

[A]

Benihana.

[B]

If we were rocking and rolling.

[C]

What year is this?

[A]

71.

[C]

The height of Benny.

[B]

Yeah, dude. When they. When there was, like.

[C]

No, I'm shocked there was a Benihana. I always thought there was, like, one in Vegas. La.

[A]

And I think that town. I. Your town's a lot of new money, right? A lot of new tobacco money and stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially in the 90s.

[B]

Yeah. This is where?

[C]

Farmers Almanac. A lot of big tobacco money down here.

[B]

16Th largest city in the country now.

[C]

Beniha City fact.

[A]

Louisville.

[B]

Yeah, Louisville Metro. Metro.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. This is when Benihana's was like, how many.

[C]

How many locations are there? I'm seeing 14 right here. Whoa.

[A]

No shit.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Louisville's got one.

[C]

How many dollar signs is Benihana on a. Give me a average price.

[A]

Two, I would say.

[C]

That seems Benihana to me was always, what, like, stockbrokers did. I didn't know nothing.

[B]

What?

[C]

But it's hibachi, right?

[B]

Yeah, bro. That's what stockbrokers did. This is like. This is when they would throw a shrimp in your grandma's face.

[A]

Stockbrokers.

[C]

Like that, when that happened, that was big.

[B]

Remember the onion? Choo choo train?

[C]

He's never been.

[A]

I've seen the little volcano. I get it.

[B]

This is why things aren't going well for you. You haven't experienced this joy.

[A]

I'm too fat to have somebody throwing shrimp at me.

[B]

You don't have to accept it, you know? You know the worst is when they always have a little bit of spare protein that they. After they've divvied up everybody's protein.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When does everybody eat and they automatically look at one person? They're like, you want the extra?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, I do. Yeah.

[C]

I typically would get. I would. They'd hit me with it.

[A]

When do you eat? Like, how long is that little show?

[C]

Enough with the theatrics, pal. I'm starving.

[A]

And is it just fried rice? Is that all they make, fried rice?

[C]

Some vegetable? Yeah, for the most part. Couple veggies. You get your shrimp, you get your. You can order.

[A]

You don't, like, order?

[C]

No, you go like. I think you go like, I'll do chicken. I'll do shrimp. Yeah, yeah, whatever you want.

[B]

It's like the perfect.

[A]

It's everything, really.

[C]

And he goes, oh, what do you want?

[A]

You can't, like, get salmon or do an entree.

[B]

You can't.

[C]

You can't put chicken fingers on a griddle there.

[B]

Yeah, man. You can do a side order, but they don't make a show about it. And then.

[C]

Yeah, they're not stoked.

[B]

Yeah, you're the party pooper. By the way, when I. We went to also, it was like, there was no white chefs. You know what I mean? Now, Benny, Hannah, now it's like. It's like Hooters that has, like, mail servers.

[C]

You're like, not why I come here. Yeah, like, that's not Why I come here, Randy? I came here for some titties.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want Tim giving me the onion choo choo train.

[A]

I want authentic.

[C]

All right. Three money signs on Benny.

[B]

So I said it was a big celebration.

[A]

All right.

[B]

We went.

[A]

Did you have a favorite frozen pizza growing up?

[B]

I. We had White castles. There was white frozen White castles that we would.

[C]

You would do that.

[B]

We would eat those up. There was two little sliders in a. Like a hot Pocket.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And we. You know about those?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And we had a pizza that I didn't. We do pizza. We did that.

[C]

She's giving you the business, dude.

[B]

I'm. I'm one upping you. I got some sliders and. And then we did TGI Fridays artichoke dip. Oh, that was our shit.

[C]

Like at home. Like the pre made. Yeah, dude, I gotta be the Fridays really figured out how to get it. The home, the fucking. Those mozzarella sticks, the good marinara sauce and the plastic bag.

[A]

Might be the first TGI Friday's frozen food line that we got an answer for. That's pretty good.

[B]

I was. That was my obsession. That artichoke dip.

[A]

What were you dipping in it? Tortillas.

[B]

Yeah, See, and my parents were. They were gone all the time. So like, we were doing like child creations. So, you know, it was like you just take tortilla chips and dump them on a plate, and then take a whole bag of shredded cheese and put that in the microwave.

[A]

That's the best.

[B]

And then figuring out, yeah, dude, Vienna sausages. Did you do Vienna?

[C]

Little Vienna didn't really mess with it, but I get it.

[A]

Oh, that's crazy.

[B]

Cut those up, put those in SpaghettiOs. Italian dinner.

[C]

You say Italian dinner?

[B]

Yeah, man. So good. Love that stuff. Dude, we would have that. That would be our breakfast. And then every morning, because our parents were gone, here was our. We'd wake up, we'd watch Blue's Clues for my little brother. And then Maury Povich. And then.

[C]

You are not the father.

[B]

And then Price is Right. And so we got, you know, we.

[A]

Got our clothes with SpaghettiOs and Vienna sausage for breakfast.

[B]

We got our colors and our shapes. We got our fraternity test. Our fraternity test. And then our economics lesson.

[C]

That's pretty good. I gotta be honest with you. That is a well rounded dirt bag morning.

[A]

And then off to play in the sod field.

[C]

And then we go to ruin some Farmer's Day.

[B]

Dude, it was perfect childhood.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

How did you do well, in high school? I mean, University of South Carolina is A good school? No.

[B]

No.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

It's not really. No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Have you.

[A]

I thought it was a good school.

[B]

Okay. I think there are expensive.

[C]

Out of state.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. What I. But I got. I weaseled my way into in state. That's why I went. I couldn't afford out of state.

[C]

How did.

[B]

It's called academic common market. You go and pick a major that's.

[C]

Not offered in your state and then you get it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Is that how you got in sports?

[B]

Yeah. That's the only reason I did it. It was sports.

[A]

Strength management.

[C]

Yeah. Drunken sporks, huh? Okay. It's a better school now.

[A]

Thank you.

[C]

Shout out your cousin.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Really bringing it up. Got the Foley bump on that one.

[B]

I know. I bet he's. Is he in the business school?

[A]

I believe he's pre med. I could be wrong.

[C]

Gonna be a pharmacist.

[B]

Where is he growing up? In Philly.

[A]

Yeah. Outside of Philly. In the suburbs.

[B]

Dude. There were so many, like Maryland, Philly kids that came out of South Carolina.

[C]

Yeah, a lot.

[B]

And they stood out.

[A]

In a good way or bad way?

[B]

They just stood out, Dude. South Carolina.

[C]

I always tell it. The hibachi restaurant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Man.

[B]

They were.

[A]

The rest of you probably walking around in overalls, of course.

[C]

Got your eyes tattooed and.

[B]

Well, we didn't. They were the only kids in skinny jeans.

[A]

Okay. You know, bring a little fashion down there.

[B]

Yeah. They were only. They were the only boys wearing graphic tees.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

Graphic tees hit. I got.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I got swirled up in that phenomenon that is shout out to a Express, dude. High tech Te. Express.

[A]

High tech te.

[C]

I gotta. Had an Express card. 200 limit on that bad boy. I'd go get glossed off.

[B]

You wore express.

[C]

I was in college. And you're trying to be cool.

[B]

I bet you wore the one with like blue and. And darker blue stripes.

[C]

Yeah, I had them all. I like the cool cross and like a street sign.

[A]

What were you kicking it in?

[B]

All right, here's the dealio. I thought south. I thought Kentucky was southern. And then I went to South Carolina. That's. That's why I go. I'm not that classy. Because you go down there and use. That's classy. That's old money debutante.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

And they.

[C]

That ain't you.

[B]

No. No.

[C]

Sod farm people.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. We were wearing. I would walk out outside with sweatpants on. These girls are not walking outside.

[C]

Becoming of a Southern belle.

[B]

Yes. They wear sundresses. Then the boys always wear collared shirt and khakis. And that's why the, the, the Yankees would stand out because they weren't wearing baggy khakis.

[A]

I would do that. I would get in this, I do the khakis and a nice button down shirt.

[C]

You can do that.

[A]

No, I know, but I'm not gonna.

[B]

It fits for you.

[A]

Yeah. Nice lady in a sun. Nice hot chick in a sundress.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Her parents probably do well go over there for dinner. Yeah, they'd asked me that in me. What sort of Christian are you, Henry? Ma', am. I'm a Catholic. But only the bad part get a big laugh. And then I would take the bar exam down there and I would become.

[B]

Dude, you'd be sad. Yeah, you, you know, you say you go Catholic, but in the business sense. And they'd go, yes, but don't hold.

[A]

That against me, sir.

[C]

Yeah, we all have our show coming.

[A]

Another mint julep, Henry? Yes.

[C]

You're fanning yourself.

[A]

I do declare. Is this meatloaf? It's chicken. Well, don't tell my mama you're chomping.

[C]

The shark on it. Will you sneak snacks into a movie theater?

[B]

Yeah, I would sneak me in her shoes.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Airplane bottles. In the, in the boots. Yeah, yeah, we just, yeah, we would sneak. You know what was fun?

[A]

Do you have a knife on you suit?

[B]

Not right now.

[A]

I could see that.

[B]

A knife?

[A]

Yeah, like a switchblade in your boot or something.

[B]

I used to get, I kept getting my mace taken away.

[A]

Professionals will tend to do that.

[B]

Yeah, I usually end up like, you know when you like switch out a purse or something, I find a knife. I didn't know it was in there.

[C]

Yeah, Crazy.

[A]

I love it. Okay, so you go to, you go to University of South Carolina? You graduate?

[B]

Yes, I did graduate.

[A]

How many years?

[B]

Four years.

[C]

That's good.

[B]

Yeah, four and a half.

[C]

There we go. In the real feel.

[A]

Any real run ins with the law in high school or anything like that? Except for you know, maybe underage drinking or something like that.

[B]

Not really that bad. I mean we, yeah, it was just all underage drinking. We kind of, I mean, we were bad, you know, we were just drinking, but we didn't do like hardcore drugs or anything until like the later years of college.

[A]

Any. Excellent. Any injuries as a kid? Broken arms, broken ribs?

[B]

I tried my hardest. I know, but not really.

[A]

Other than the fake.

[B]

Yeah, no, not fake.

[A]

Neurological disease that you had that everybody thinking you had.

[B]

No, I, I, Yeah, it was all fake.

[C]

So just for show, what's the car now? But what kind of car?

[A]

Oh, what was the family car. We didn't ask.

[C]

Oh, yeah. We got your first car, right?

[B]

Oh, God. Sienna. Yes.

[C]

Quality car.

[A]

Quality car.

[B]

Power doors.

[A]

And what did you get as your first car at 16?

[B]

Mazda Protege. Champagne.

[A]

New.

[C]

What year?

[B]

I think it was a maybe 2000.

[C]

That's new.

[A]

Money trash. But that is kind of something that they do in the south with daughters. They get a car.

[B]

Yeah, I did get a car when I. When I turned 16. I was. I was blessed.

[C]

Mm. I feel like, you know, might be a little sexist, but.

[B]

It'S not good. It's not.

[C]

That looks like a Ford Taurus.

[B]

Yeah. So cute.

[A]

I thought it'd be a little like a more Eclipse y.

[B]

No, no, no. This is the one that people don't know about. They don't know about the.

[C]

That looks like a Ford Escort.

[B]

Yeah. People try to forget about the Protege.

[C]

Looks like it needs a new mentor, huh?

[A]

Kenny Banyan.

[B]

We. This was a car.

[C]

That's a 98, though. These are 98s. Let me get.

[A]

Well, you.

[C]

Would you say 20? What?

[B]

I can't remember.

[C]

I think it was April2116. 22,001's not much better. If I would argue.

[A]

When did you turn 16?

[B]

Okay, wait. I was 17 when I graduated high school in 2009. That's.

[A]

Y' all graduated 17?

[B]

Yeah, I was. I was August 19th, 1991. So it was the youngest. You know, there's that August thing. Okay, so you were the oldest?

[C]

Yeah, I went older.

[B]

Yeah, I was the youngest.

[A]

So you just turned 18 when you went to college?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[C]

You're a squirrely one. You know why? You're all over the map. I know you're in London with the Hungarians. You're, you know, hanging out, sipping, driving Mazda Protege.

[B]

I know, but you whip a Mazda Protege everywhere, dude. A champagne color car.

[C]

I had one. I had a Mercury Montego. Shout out to the Tigo. It was so.

[B]

Wait, you fall in love with it?

[C]

I did.

[B]

There's something about a champagne colored car. It's motherly.

[C]

Yeah, well, it's old. It's an old person.

[B]

It's a.

[C]

It's not a flat champagne says something about you. You're not flashy. You're not trying to be cool. You're not trying to impress people.

[A]

I got news for the both of you. That ain't champagne. I don't know what kind of champagne you're drinking. You drove tan cars. That's champagne with a bad paint job.

[C]

No, it's. Check the registration.

[A]

That's Something MAB came up with to sell paint.

[B]

Yeah. Champagne.

[C]

Champagne.

[B]

Protege. Okay. This is it sparkles a little bit in the morning.

[A]

Everybody's got that in there. I got that blue car. Had that little sparkles in it.

[B]

No, not called something this blue. Blue is like, man, dad just got fired, but he's trying.

[A]

Navy blue car.

[B]

Oh, okay. I'm thinking royal blue. My dad had a drew of a blue. Like a royal blue Taurus for a little bit. Royal blue, dude, royal blue is. Unless it's like a sports car. Like, if a Taurus is royal blue.

[A]

It'S a sports car.

[B]

It's like.

[C]

No, like a drag racer.

[A]

You know, something badass.

[C]

My Mom's Taurus, a Mazda 3.

[B]

Which is kind of sporty, right?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

Yeah, very much so. I mean, listen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

What we're trying to decide.

[C]

I'm trying. I'm. You know, it's pretty written in.

[A]

If we had, like, a garbage institution, I think we'd be considering.

[C]

You'd be in a straight jacket.

[A]

Yeah. Do we admit you?

[B]

It's like. It's like middle class trash. Maybe not.

[C]

Yeah. But with a Southern twang to it.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Money's got nothing to do with it.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

You're doing fake pass outs in high school.

[B]

I haven't talked about running across the Porta Potties in the infield. We did Derby. We did Derby.

[A]

Kentucky Derby.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Did you make it? How many Porta Potties did you make it? This is the first I've ever known anybody that's done it.

[B]

Okay, so here's the key, right? So I. I brought my.

[C]

If you're not familiar for the listener out there, if you're not a huge dirt bag, the running of the Porta Potties is a row of Porta Potties at the Kentucky Derby. And I believe, though, they also do it at the Preakness, where at a certain point of the day, you get up and try to run across the top of the roof.

[A]

I thought these are classy events with big hats and mint juleps.

[C]

Yeah. It's like the same as, like, you can go to a classy. You can go to a Birds game. Classy. If you're sitting in the fucking owner's box.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But you can also do it how? We do it with two orders of chicken fingers.

[B]

One field is like. Dude, it's. It's like trash. Yeah. You X rayed Kid Rock's heart. It looks like that's what the infield of it looks like.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And the people are. You don't even. Dude. I remember the first time my parents were like, you can't go by yourself until you're a softer sophomore in high school. And we finally get not old.

[C]

That's still not old enough. I mean, it's like. That's like mostly college kids. Like, my.

[A]

You ain't going out there till you're tan, honey.

[B]

You ain't ready for this. We go out there and I see a bunch of guys flip phones. Yeah. And I'm like, why are they all their flip phones in there? And it's always derp. It's the first Saturday, May, so it's springtime. It's Kentucky, it's a valley, so it's always raining.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it's all. It's just mud. It's straight mud out there. And I'm like, why are all these dudes in with suits with flip flops gather on the circle? And I'm like a new freshman. Like a little tadpole or sophomore. I'm like, peeking my way, like, what are they watching? Papa and I.

[A]

They're running across the shit.

[B]

Dude, this wasn't even that. This was the pre game to that. It's a huge mud pit. And there are women in cute sundresses diving into this mud pit.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Hundred dollar bills at the Kentucky Derby. Yes.

[C]

That's 99 of the Derby.

[B]

Yeah. So, yeah. It's such a trash event. And then. Okay. So then later in the day, everybody gets jealous of the horses racing. So then we have our own races. And so you try and run across the top. So it's like a string of porta Potties. Right. And they're domed shaped, so it's really hard to get across because. And also remember, it's raining. It's slippery. But not. You think that those are all the elements that make it hard. The hardest part is when you start running across them. There's all these drunk people in the field, and then you turn into like a human carnival game and they're chucking beer bottles.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

To try and knock you off.

[C]

Pretty good game if you're on the other side of it for points. How far did you make it?

[B]

I. Okay, so I made it all the way.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Good for you.

[B]

I forgot to tell my roommate from college that came with me this one year that it is illegal.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

So she made it all the way. Here's the thing. This is. It's not done. Once you get to the end, you have to then get down and escape into the crowd so you don't get arrested because there are cops waiting for you. I forgot to tell her that. So she made it all the way as well, then she stood up there and celebrated. Got arrested when she got off. Yeah, she got arrested.

[A]

How'd you get her out? Well, I'm back to school.

[B]

Well, it's. It's derby. It's not. It's not real jail. It's derby jail.

[C]

Okay, you dumb.

[B]

Yeah, it's. It's Drunk tank.

[A]

Okay, so.

[B]

Yeah, and I also said that she was a new mom and this was her first.

[C]

She's pregnant. Let her go. She's gonna lose that baby. She's all fucked up running on board a body. You be careful with her. She's with child.

[B]

That is a baby. She's trying to show her baby how to be a winner.

[C]

I mean, you know, Blandford.

[B]

Wait, can I tell you my last one?

[A]

Please.

[B]

I just remembered this.

[A]

Is this gonna turn it around?

[B]

Well, I just need to tell you what? Because you're like. My parents were medical people, but there is a. There's, like, a country, like, you know, I said, like, my dad is old school pharmacist. My mom was old school nurse. So I remember when I was in college, I was in South Carolina. This was like. I stayed a summer in Colombia. Did you do an internship?

[A]

Where was that?

[C]

At Cartel Cleaning.

[B]

Columbia, South Carolina.

[A]

Where was the. Where's the internship?

[B]

I was working at the arena. Colonial Life Arena.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Probably been out security swimming in a. What was I doing?

[C]

I was in charge of popcorn.

[B]

I think I gotta lick it for it to taste real good for them. I think I'd been out swimming in the river a little bit and didn't take my bathing suit off soon enough. And walk around a wet bathing suit.

[A]

Where's this going?

[B]

Are you ready for this infection?

[C]

For sure. Stiff infection. I got a jellyfish in me.

[A]

I'm pregnant with a jellyfish.

[C]

Swam on my pee hole.

[B]

Let me tell you, I was melting. So I called my mom and I was like, mom, my vagina's melting. Melting. She was trying to figure out if it was a yeast infection or a uti. And one of them is. One of them is itchy, and one of them's not. I honestly don't even know now. And so she goes, do you want to take. No, my mama's real country. So she's like, you want to take a round brush up there? You know, like the hair brushes that are round with all the bristles that go put it up there. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, that sounds Very comforting and soothing. Can I do that?

[A]

Oh, like, do you. Would that. Okay.

[B]

I got sue the itch.

[A]

Not go and do this. Oh, yeah. Do you have the impulse to do that?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I mean, that's a dangerous suggestion.

[C]

I thought that was her suggestion. Okay, so real old school nurse. That's what I said. Goddamn hillbilly.

[A]

You want to go find some deer antlers?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

This is. That's how she keeps me from getting pregnant. Just use a round brush, honey.

[A]

I got you.

[B]

It does the trick.

[A]

Just. Okay. So the impulse to scratch.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And I was like, yeah, I want to do that. She was like, all right, you need a monostat. So I was driving to the store to get monostat, and I got pulled over, and so I started fake crying really hard. And the cop walked up, and he's like, what's wrong? And I was like, I don't have any money for Monistat, and my vagina is so itchy. I want to put a round brush up there. And he was like, jesus.

[A]

Okay, ma', am, take care.

[B]

He was like, I'm not going to pour water in a sinking ship. He's like, just put your seatbelt on. And I got out of that ticket, and so now I have a tattoo of a round brush. Oh, yeah. Because I think I wrote it into a joke that, like, got on some TV thing. So it was like a tribute to my mom. Got a round brush on my tattoo, and people. It looks like a vibrator. Yeah.

[C]

I mean, that's. You know, I mean, what a tribute to Ma.

[B]

My mom has a. I always say her tattoo. She never got a tattoo, but my dad, on her grave, on the back of her grave, he put the University of Kentucky wildcat as big as this. Like, the whole grave on the back of her grave.

[A]

I probably shouldn't tell you this, but just to have some type of camaraderie, have your back.

[C]

I have been to Hibachi.

[A]

Mary. Remember how I had the shower brush? And I said, yeah, the loofah, sure. But in between my legs, in the taint area, when I use it down there feels so good. Because it's itchy and it feels so good.

[B]

I know, right?

[A]

I have stepped up from that. Where I do have an old round brush weed whacker that is in my shower that I take, and I do it between there and it is the greatest sensation of all time. I don't know. I just feel like I should.

[B]

Have you ever told anyone that?

[A]

No, I don't think so. Yeah.

[C]

It's like you just told a few hundred thousand people.

[A]

It's a crazy sensation.

[B]

Hold on. Let's break this down.

[A]

It's not in my butthole.

[C]

It's in the chain.

[B]

No, let's break it down.

[C]

Let's at least some stuff up to imagination. Maybe it's not as bad as I'm picturing it right now.

[B]

No, it's bad.

[A]

Welcome back to the breakdown.

[C]

This week is my taint. Itchy 4 and 11.

[B]

You gotta think it's the perfect storm because there's sensitive nerves in the taint area.

[A]

Very.

[B]

So on the outskirts, there's gotta be out. There's gotta be residual sensitive nerves that are kind of around there on top of the fact that you're moving, you're walking, it's chafing. The skin is dry, which is already just nice to scratch. So that's a perfect.

[C]

I didn't realize you were a medical professional like your parents.

[A]

Old school, though.

[C]

Old school, gents. All right, we got to wrap it up.

[A]

So we barely made it out of college, which is always the sign of a true.

[C]

I mean, we made it to. I mean, without. With a little bit of trip to London, I guess at probably 18.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

So we made it to about 18.

[A]

So you're gonna have to come back and you're gonna have to answer some questions about now, which I hope is. I don't know. It could have gotten worse for all we.

[C]

I don't think it's great. Just came from a Goo Goo Dolls concert.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Truman.

[C]

Truman. Booming, dude, was that the only reason.

[A]

You were there in Kentucky?

[B]

Dog, Bourbon and beyond.

[A]

Were you at your were your dad's house?

[B]

No, I don't talk to my dad anymore.

[C]

All right. No, say save it. Save it, Save it, save it, save it.

[A]

You call it Cliffhanger. Little Marion County Cliffhanger. Come on down to the sod farm, ladies and gentlemen. 100,000% garbage.

[B]

Yeah, I was really not sure.

[C]

That's crazy. She genuinely.

[A]

That's what makes you even more garbage. That's why Catherine Blandford, everybody, you can hear every week at her amazing podcast, Coastal Idiots. Of course, check out her tonight show appearance.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And I assume tour right now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Tell the folks where you're at.

[B]

I'm going to be in Minneapolis, Lexington, Kentucky. Shout out to it and Tulsa and everywhere else coming up. Catherineford.com for taking.

[C]

Go check her out. Kippy, what do you got for him, Guys? We're on the road as well. All tickets [e-mail]. we want to see you on a road.

[A]

Catherine, we love you.

[B]

Thank you so much, guys.

[A]

So much, gang, we love you. And we'll see you next week, Poodles.